Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #675, Figg’s Bat Phone (OOTP Chapter 1, Dudley Demented)
Show Intro
[Show music plays]
Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the Wizarding World fandom. I’m Andrew.
Eric Scull: I’m Eric.
Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.
Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.
Andrew: Grab your wand – I should grab my wand – and keep an eye on your neighbors, because this week, we begin our Chapter by Chapter reread of Order of the Phoenix with Chapter 1, “Dudley Demented.” Very excited to jump into Chapter by Chapter, but first we have some sad news about a member of the fandom.
Micah: Yeah, as you mentioned, Andrew, we got some sad news at the beginning of last week about one of the members of the Harry Potter fandom, Caleb Graves. He worked with many of us at MuggleNet for a number of years, and was a cohost on the Alohomora podcast. Eric, I know you and him had very many spirited debates, from what I heard…
[Eric laughs]
Micah: … and he was just a great guy, a friend to all of us, and somebody who I really got to know over the years and would always hang out with whenever he was in New York. We would grab a drink, or when he was going to Georgetown Law down in DC and I was there for work, we would grab a drink. So just somebody I had stayed in touch with very closely. And one of the things that I’m always grateful for, for Harry Potter for doing, is the friends that you make along the way, and we talk about it a lot on this podcast. Without Harry Potter, we wouldn’t have met each other, and the same is true with Caleb, and it’s just a very tragic, heart-wrenching situation.
Eric: Yeah, it definitely… this news always hurts. He was so young. We knew him. We were on over 100 episodes of the podcast together, and it’s really sad. One of the good ones. This reminds me that life’s too short not to tell your friends that you love them; that’s really what the takeaway I have for this, so definitely… even just a text message. Call your friends, tell them you love them, because you’re going to potentially regret not getting to if something horrible were to happen, like it did here.
Andrew: Yeah, and something I’ll add about Caleb is that he had a lot of passions, and that was clear if you followed him on social media, and he really pursued all of them. I don’t know how he had the time to do all of them.
Eric: I know.
Andrew: He was really busy, with his love of Harry Potter and Disney and running, and then he had a really amazing career going on from what I could tell, so just…
Micah: Travel.
Andrew: Oh my God, the travel. Yeah, so like you both said, he was a really great person, and the news was shocking. So rest in peace, Caleb, and thanks for all of your contributions to the Harry Potter fandom.
Eric: We love you, man.
Andrew: Well, changing gears now, there was a little bit of Harry Potter TV show news. They announced that they are now running an open casting call for the new Harry, Ron, and Hermione. We’re actually going to be talking about this today in a new installment of bonus MuggleCast available on Patreon and Apple Podcasts. Additionally, Gary Oldman, who played Sirius Black in the Harry Potter movies, it sounds like he wants to audition for a role in this Harry Potter TV show as well, [laughs] so we will talk about that and if that makes sense or not.
Eric: I think they should cast him as Ron.
Andrew: Oh, perfect. Yeah, why not?
[Micah laughs]
Eric: Just not explain it. Just have a grown man…
Micah: Yeah, he could pull off the ginger.
Andrew: Yeah. So we would encourage listeners to audition for the trio, but I think you’re all probably too old. Even our youngest listeners are probably too old. They’re looking for 9-year-olds, and I don’t think we have many 9-year-olds listening. And you have to live in England.
Micah: Sebastian, our youngest listener, is too young.
Andrew: Sorry, buddy. You’ll get ’em next time.
Eric: Maybe when you’re older.
Laura: Well, hey, we have a lot of MuggleCast parents out there, so if your child decides to audition, let us know. We would love to hear about it.
Andrew: And don’t forget to credit us for connecting you with the open casting call.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Yes, we must be involved in one significant cast member getting cast in this series. We must.
Andrew: [laughs] We’ll be two for two, then. Yeah, for anybody who doesn’t know, Evanna Lynch was a huge fan of MuggleNet and MuggleCast, and she heard about the Luna Lovegood open casting call on MuggleNet, and she credits that post on MuggleNet for auditioning for the role of Luna, which is just mind-blowing. So yeah, we’ve got to go for two for two.
Eric: Yep.
Andrew: And Micah, you got up to some Harry Potter fun in the last week, right?
Micah: I did, yeah. After our interview with Joel, I felt like it was only natural to go see this one-part version of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, and it was a lot of fun. And I know people have a lot of questions because it was a two-part show, but I thought it was great pacing. It went by very quickly for three and a half hours. And honestly, I wouldn’t have known if there was a scene that was noticeably missing from the first go-around. That might be because it’s been a minute since I saw the two-part version, but it didn’t feel like it lacked at all. And Andrew, I will say, they lean into Albus and Scorpius – well, you have a fanfiction…
Andrew: [laughs] Oh, okay.
Micah: … much more than I remember in the two-part version. It is clear that there’s something going on between the two of them.
Andrew: Okay, okay.
Micah: Or there’s potential for something to be going on between the two of them.
Andrew: Okay, good to know.
Micah: See ya, Rose.
Laura: Sounds like you’re going to have to write a part two, Andrew.
Andrew: [laughs] We interviewed Joel Meyers, who plays Albus, a couple of weeks ago on MuggleCast, and I was tempted to ask him about that because we had heard they maybe gayed it up a little bit between Albus and Scorpius, but I wanted to be professional and didn’t want to push my own wants and needs off on him…
[Micah laughs]
Andrew: … so I avoided asking the question, but Micah went down to the scene and investigated for us, so glad to hear that.
Micah: Reported back for you.
Andrew: Yes, thank you for reporting back. [laughs]
Micah: Yeah. And got a chance to meet Joel after the show – such a nice guy – him and Eric Peterson, who played Scorpius.
Eric: Oh, very cool. I love that.
Micah: And they have a new Playbill, by the way, too.
Andrew: Whoa.
Micah: This is very different from the one that the three of us got.
Andrew: That’s gorgeous.
Eric: See, Albus Severus is in his father’s shadow. That looks great.
Andrew: I wonder if that’s fan art. Was that a fan art competition? That almost looks like something like that.
Micah: Maybe. I’ll see if I can find out a little bit more. Maybe there’s a write-up on it in there.
Andrew: Yeah, cool. Well, glad you had a good time. And I definitely want to check out that single-part version sometime.
Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner
Andrew: All right, well, without further ado, time to get to Chapter by Chapter. And before we get into the segment itself, we are actually refreshing Chapter by Chapter for Order of the Phoenix. Eric, do you want to explain that a little bit?
Eric: Yeah, so we have actually in the past, way back in 2019, discussed Order of the Phoenix as part of our Book 6/Book 5 Chapter by Chapter revamp. Chapter by Chapter originally began on MuggleCast in Episode 32, and 600 episodes later, over time, we’ve needed to refresh it. So it turns out we’ve done Seven-Word Summary and Rename the Chapter and MVP of the Week for Book 5 already, and so it became necessary to envision and dream up new segments that we’re going to be deploying during this Book 5 reread. I’m very excited.
Andrew: Yeah, and when the four of us got together in DC a few weeks ago, we brainstormed some new ideas, which you’ll be hearing some of in today’s installments, so stay tuned.
Eric: Absolutely. So shall we begin?
Andrew: Yeah!
Eric: Okay, we’re talking about Order of the Phoenix Chapter 1, titled “Dudley Demented.” And right off the gate, we’re going to introduce you to the MuggleCast Time-Turner segment…
Laura: Oooh.
Eric: … which is an audio journey, an auditory Odyssey into previous discussions on this chapter of MuggleCast. Take a listen; let us know what you think.
[Ticking sound]
Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.
Ron: What the…?
[Bell dings]
[Whooshing sound]
Robotic voice: Episode 228.
Eric: What’s wrong with Harry?
Micah: He’s pissed, man.
Andrew: He’s angry. We were just talking about it.
Eric: [laughs] Sorry, I only ask that question because it was in my notes to ask that question.
Andrew: I know.
Micah: Well, he’s been cooped up for four weeks, like you said. He’s not getting any information. He’s living with people he doesn’t like.
[Bell dings]
[Whooshing sound]
Robotic voice: Episode 433.
Micah: That’s exactly what I was going to allude to with just appearances, right? You would think that the Dursleys would want Harry to look halfway decent and not have torn clothes and baggy clothes and his shoes are falling apart, just given how much they care about what other people think of them and their family.
Laura: I wonder if they’ve been pretty successful at spreading the narrative that Harry is just a degenerate, so maybe their neighbors just accept this.
Andrew: Yes.
Sequoia: Yeah, but he could be a well-clothed degenerate.
[Andrew and Micah laugh]
[Whooshing sound]
[Ticking sound]
Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.
[Bell dings]
Eric: The end!
Andrew: Eric produced that. Nice job, Eric.
Laura: Well done, Eric.
Andrew: The sounds and all that.
Eric: Yeah, just a short, brief recap of where we’ve been leading into the new discussion. So again, those episodes were 433, “Gettin’ Figgy,” which came out September 9, 2019, and Episode 228, “Overpriced Non-Invisibility” for May 13, 2011. And in case you want to check out those older episodes, we’ll put them in the show notes.
Andrew: Yeah, now we’re in present day, so let’s jump into our latest discussion on this chapter.
Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion
Eric: Let’s jump into it. You know, I will never forget the earliest morning hours of June 21, 2003, cracking open the massive hardcover for the very blue Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix book. This was the first Harry Potter book I had gotten at midnight, and it was very, very late. There was a release party, and I was very exhausted, but I read the first 20 pages of the book just excitedly. But by the end of this chapter – and I powered through one more – I put the book down, and I was somewhat crestfallen, because Harry, which I at long last held in my hands, was different. I was 15, the same age as Harry, and we were not the same. He was sad. Miserable, even. The answers we were finally getting about Mrs. Figg and all the action of the first two chapters couldn’t make me feel better about Harry being neglected and left alone in the four weeks immediately following Cedric’s death. It’s kind of a sad opening. Harry is not in a great place.
Micah: Damn right, Dumbledore.
[Eric and Laura laugh]
Eric: Micah knows where to pin it!
Laura: Here we go.
Eric: But do you guys remember feeling any particular way about Harry’s right-out-the-gate emotions in this book?
Andrew: Yeah, because when we jump from Goblet of Fire to Order of the Phoenix, we’re shown a very isolated Harry who’s just left out from all angles. His real family has never loved him, referring to the Dursleys. Ron and Hermione are only communicating with him via letter; they can’t see him face to face. The adults are keeping him isolated too. It’s a very different Harry. And what I really like about this chapter and how it starts is that the opening passages feel like a fresh start for Harry. He is fully reintroduced, and this story picks up on I believe it’s described as the “hottest day of summer.” Eric, you mentioned the book came out June 21, 2003, pretty well in the summer at that point, at least in some parts of America. I just loved reading this book in summer while Harry is experiencing summer himself, so I didn’t have that same crestfallen feeling that you did, Eric. But what does strike me reading it now is that, yeah, this is a very different Harry from what we saw in the last book by the end.
Micah: And let’s not forget, at the start of Goblet of Fire, there’s a lot of anticipation of going to the Quidditch World Cup, so there’s a bit more of an enjoyment factor about what’s to come, whereas in this chapter, or the start of this book, it’s much darker. To borrow a phrase from many a movie producer on the Harry Potter films.
[Eric and Laura laugh]
Eric: Yeah, every year gets more difficult – understandably so – for Harry to return to his relatives. As he gains loved ones from every corner of the wizarding world, we’re consistently reminded that his actual family, as you said, just does not care for him. So there’s a lot of understandable emotions that Harry is going through, and I know in the past that we have speculated a lot about the overall angsty Harry that we get in Book 5. There are times when it’s way out of line; we’ll be sure to keep him in check. But my real question, guiding us and the discussion through this first chapter, is what do we see that strikes us as being reasonable and caused by his circumstances? What do we think is the added teenage hormones aspect of it, where he’s… I don’t know, the way a punk teenage boy would interact with an adversary in him and Dudley? And since we know about the Horcrux connection between Harry and Voldemort that’s overshadowing all of this and causing Harry to feel very prickly and on edge about everything, what bits of his behavior in this chapter with Dudley can we really attribute to just Voldemort?
Laura: I feel like a lot of the examples we’re going to talk about are really rooted in A) jealousy, and B) resentment. And I think to be entirely fair to Harry here, the Horcrux has to poison the well for everything, I think, so I think Harry is heightened across the board. That doesn’t mean that he necessarily shows up as an 11 all the time…
[Eric laughs]
Laura: … but it definitely explains why he’s never beneath an 8 for this entire book.
Eric: That’s a good way of putting it, actually. Yeah, I mean, he threw out the chocolates that Ron and Hermione sent him, but to think…
Micah: They melted.
[Andrew laughs]
Micah: It’s hot. Let’s be real, he’s not going to get permission from Petunia to put those chocolates in the fridge.
Eric: Well, the floorboard could be… yeah, you’re right. You’re right, you’re right, you’re right.
Micah: And his house is definitely not air-conditioned, and certainly not his room.
Eric: No, not in the UK. And you know that Errol didn’t get it there quite in time to prevent it melting, the package from the Burrow. But all of that aside, I think he really resents Ron and Hermione particularly. He gets the sense that they’re together, and that really just adds to the overall feeling of isolation, because he’s resenting them their joy. This is not something previous Harry would have done, or Harry before these years in any circumstance, I would argue, but it hurts more that his friends are together because he wants nothing more than to be with them.
Laura: I think that might be what causes him to lash out and pick a fight with Dudley, because you’re totally right; regular Harry wouldn’t do this. The Harry of the last four books would do anything that he could to stay out of Dudley’s way, right? He didn’t want to cross paths with him, and here he’s directly antagonizing him.
Eric: Seeking him out, yeah. And for the Horcrux portion of this, I have a quote from the book that really sticks out to me, and it is when Harry is walking after the loud bang and he sees Dudley and his gang up ahead. It says,
“If Dudley’s friends saw him sitting there, they would be sure to make a beeline for him, and what would Dudley do then? He wouldn’t want to lose face in front of the gang, but he’d be terrified of provoking Harry… It would be really fun to watch Dudley’s dilemma; to taunt him, watch him, with him powerless to respond… and if any of the others tried hitting Harry, Harry was ready – he had his wand… let them try… He’d love to vent some of his frustration on the boys who had once made his life hell.”
That’s not Harry talking; I don’t care what your trauma is. “It would be fun to watch him struggle”? That’s Voldemort talk. Maybe?
Micah: Well, we get that line – I believe it’s in this book – that there’s light and dark in all of us. And I think that Harry has been isolated, and he’s feeling the effects of isolation after having gone through an extremely traumatic event at the end of the previous school year, and we’re going to talk about whether or not he should have been put in this situation, or maybe he should have been given some counseling or given some sort of help to get through what he’s going through in this moment. And I do think you could point to the Horcrux, but part of me believes that this is Harry just being frustrated, both at his current situation and at how Dudley has treated him over the years. He’s definitely goading him. He’s looking for the opportunity for them to get into it. Maybe we just haven’t seen this side of Harry before. He’s growing up. He is maturing; he’s 15 years old. This isn’t necessarily that abnormal for a teenager to feel these types of emotions toward somebody.
Eric: I just remember feeling, 21 years ago, “If this is the new Harry, no thanks. Count me out.”
Andrew: [laughs] But he must go through some challenges before he is free.
Eric: Yeah, great adversity breeds great heroism.
Laura: Yeah, and I do think there’s an interesting point here to be made about Harry wanting to watch Dudley be powerless. I think it’s funny and it’s kind of a projection, because Harry is powerless; that’s how he feels right now.
Eric: Right.
Laura: So he’s wanting to project that upon someone who’s hurt him in the past. Also, “Dudley’s Dilemma”; I guess that was the rejected name or title name for this chapter. It’s why we got “Dudley Demented.”
Eric: Whoa.
[Andrew laughs]
Laura: No, I mean, I think that this is Harry projecting his pain onto someone else.
Micah: Yeah, and one question I wanted to bring up was we know Harry is in need of emotional support, that much is clear. Dumbledore chooses to isolate Harry in a known abusive environment. We see both physical and verbal abuse towards Harry from Vernon and Petunia. Now, having read through the series, we also know that Harry doesn’t need to be there for the entire summer; he likely only needs to be there for 24 hours. Why doesn’t Dumbledore work to get Harry somewhere else much, much sooner?
Laura: I was kind of wondering if he was trying to limit Harry’s exposure to whatever they’re doing to establish the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix, so that Voldemort’s connection to Harry couldn’t be exploited to perhaps communicate some of the magic that is used to obfuscate that residence from the rest of the world. We know he uses the Fidelius Charm, right? Maybe there’s something to that.
Micah: Yeah, but send him to the Burrow.
Andrew: Maybe he wanted – and I’m not saying it’s a good choice that Dumbledore made – but maybe he wanted to keep Harry separated from everybody else, because he knew Harry would ask him questions, and he wasn’t ready to provide him with any answers yet…
Micah: Classic.
Andrew: [laughs] … so they needed a little time to smooth things out before they had to face, if you will, Harry. I’m not saying it’s right.
Micah: But in fairness, Andrew, Dumbledore ignores Harry for most of this book. It’s not just a summer thing. [laughs]
Andrew: Yeah, but he also comes into communication with Sirius and the trio – or sorry, Ron and Hermione – and maybe Dumbledore wanted to have talks with them first. And also, Figg was keeping an eye on him. Now, I know she’s a Squib who won’t be able to help, but she’s probably got a bat phone and she can call if there’s real trouble at any time.
Eric: [laughs] She got a what?
Andrew: A bat phone.
Eric: A bat phone?!
Andrew: A Dumb phone. No, that doesn’t work.
Micah: A cat phone.
[Andrew laughs]
Eric: Oh, there we go.
Andrew: A phoenix phone.
Laura: But the thing is, Harry doesn’t know that she’s there and that there’s someone connected to his world who’s living near him until disaster strikes, right? And I think that’s another hit to the trust in Dumbledore and in his friends, right? That he doesn’t know.
Andrew: But I could tie my other point into this, I guess: If he knows that Figg is actually working with Dumbledore, then he’s going to start peppering Figg with questions, and Dumbledore and Figg probably don’t want that.
Eric: Well, but I would then also say maybe it is enough just to know he’s not entirely alone. Yeah, Figg has her own issues; she’s a Squib. But knowing that she knows Dumbledore, even if she can’t give him answers… although, it’s also possible, because she’s reached out to him recently about coming for tea, and he blows her off. He thinks she’s uninteresting. She gave him a boring childhood. He really hated whenever the Dursleys would go to fun places and he would be stuck back with Mrs. Figg watching him, so he doesn’t give her the chance to really come out to him sooner about her connection. And if he had, maybe she would have told him.
Micah: It just… let’s be clear, the only person that’s protecting Harry on Privet Drive is Harry. Not Figg. Not Mundungus Fletcher.
Andrew: “You.”
Micah: It’s Harry at the end of the day.
Eric: [laughs] [imitating Ron in Sorcerer’s Stone] “Not me, not Hermione, you!”
[Everyone laughs]
Laura: Well, also, can we talk about why was Mundungus Fletcher posted there?
Eric: Ugh, we’ll have plenty of chapters to talk about why Mundungus Fletcher was there. [laughs]
Laura: Like, what the heck? Come on. Harry is like the golden egg. You don’t put Mundungus Fletcher in charge of protecting the golden egg. Geez. [laughs]
Eric: Well, yeah. I will say, Mundungus’s Disapparation, which causes this loud bang, startles Harry because he correctly predicts that the source of the noise was of magic origins, but this, unfortunately, only makes Harry feel worse. This exacerbates the problem because somebody magical or something magical happened right in his area, but they’re not revealing themselves to him, and I think that’s probably what fuels him to angrily go on his tirade this chapter.
Micah: It probably adds a level of paranoia, too, because he may think somebody’s watching him, and…
Eric: He’s right.
Micah: Well, he is right. But yeah, I mean, between Figg and Dung, it’s like the enemy’s coming with semi-automatics and you’re using a stick. That’s the equivalent here of Harry’s protection.
Andrew: Dumbledore does bring up later to Harry that he avoided him because he didn’t want Voldemort exploiting the connection that Dumbledore suspected, and Dumbledore is right, here; it’s established, even in this chapter, that there is a connection between Harry and Voldemort because – Harry doesn’t realize it at the time – but Harry is having these dreams…
Laura: Right.
Andrew: … of the long, dark corridor. For the reader, in hindsight, there is that world-building, that plot line building secretly in the background that they do have a connection.
Eric: It’s true.
Micah: Couldn’t you argue, though, this type of neglect, which starts in this chapter, also perpetuates Voldemort’s ability to penetrate Harry’s mind later on?
Laura: Yep.
Micah: And so it’s almost like Dumbledore, you could argue, has the right intentions here, but it comes back to bite him anyway.
Eric: Well, Harry… Dumbledore doesn’t want to be bothered by this connection, the excuse that Voldemort might exploit it. You know how Voldemort doesn’t exploit it? Is you being aware that it exists and not letting him exploit you. That’s how you do it. Surely Dumbledore is capable of that.
Laura: Yeah, and I mean, if you have the suspicion, why not have Harry start his Occlumency lessons as soon as he gets back to Hogwarts?
Andrew and Eric: Yeah.
Andrew: True.
Laura: I get that it’s a bit of a powder keg having him work with Snape, but perhaps if you had started it sooner, you might have made more progress than ultimately gets made.
Eric: So instead of doing the Umbridge Suck count this Book 5, we’re going to be doing the Dumbledore Sucks count.
[Laura laughs]
Andrew: Nooo!
Eric: And here’s the… no, no. Kidding, kidding, of course.
Micah: I’m not.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Ultimately, this comes down to Harry needing a connection to the wizarding world, and in fact, he’s listening to the Muggle news. We find him… the book opens on a flowerbed beneath the Dursleys’ window, and he’s listening to the news and trying to see if the Dark side has done anything, because the Muggles would surely notice something big. The reason it isn’t successful is because Voldemort, crucially, is in hiding, and coming off of our Goblet of Fire reread, we really realized that Voldemort prefers to operate under secrecy. These first couple of years – or crucially, the first nine or ten months – are so important that Voldemort remains quiet, and so that’s the reason Harry isn’t seeing stuff on the news. It’s because the mass killings don’t start until the bridge collapse next summer. So it’s really subtle now, and Harry is feeling very frustrated because nobody’s telling him anything.
Andrew: Frustration and isolation are the two words we might be saying most on today’s episode. It’s awful, the situation that Harry is in; I really do feel bad for him. And I think the thing that gets me most about this is that he successfully battled Voldemort. He won, basically, and he’s still the one being put on ice. That is so unfair. And it was very well-written in this chapter, I thought, displaying Harry’s frustration with everything, because we see him venting to himself, like, “I’m the one who fought Voldemort and carried Cedric’s body out of the graveyard, and I’m the one now being isolated from everybody and being left in the dark?” It is completely unfair. It’s a tough chapter to read.
Eric: And it’s not entitlement if you’re right. [laughs]
Andrew: No, no.
Eric: He has proven himself to be very competent and very deserving of the level of, I guess, honesty and bluntness that this sort of situation requires. You don’t have to tell Harry everything still, but if it’s going to come out anyway, don’t make him suffer for it. So we’re going to talk about another key part of this chapter, but first, a word from our sponsors.
[Ad break]
Eric: Okay, so something I really am excited to talk about regarding this chapter is the titular character of this chapter, Dudley. “Dudley Demented.” Dudley Dursley. And big question I have about him… this is the most insight, I think, the most experience, the most time we spend with Dudley for the first time in a long time, if ever, if not always. And here in this chapter, we see, I think, a little bit deeper version of him. We’re not quite at the level where he becomes almost friendly to Harry, and it’s hard to be friendly to Harry when he’s in this state that he’s in in this chapter. But interestingly, when Harry is picking this fight with him, Dudley’s first, second, and third response to that is to de-escalate and to not engage with Harry. Here’s a guy who beats kids up for a living with his group, all this fun time, and Harry is very much coming at him, and Dudley is not having it. So let’s talk about that. How has Dudley changed? Can we say that he’s a good person at this time? How far do we want to take this? But it’s a reformed Dudley.
Andrew: Well, not a good person in general, because he’s still bullying other students, or other kids around town.
Eric: I guess it’s a slightly more mature Dudley; I’ll amend my statement.
Andrew: Yeah. Is he primarily afraid of Harry using magic on him? Even if in his mind, Harry can’t use magic outside of Hogwarts?
Micah: That’s where I was leaning. That’s where my head went, was that Dudley is deep down still very much afraid of Harry.
Laura: And I think he’s afraid of him in very similar ways to Vernon, and I think because he’s away from his parents right now, he doesn’t really… and also, his mates are gone; they’ve gone home for the evening. He’s one on one with Harry. He doesn’t have anyone to back him up. And I think he realizes that, because of the magic, he could very much be outmatched, and if he thinks that Harry is as much of a lunatic as his parents say that he is, maybe Dudley is thinking, “I don’t know if Harry cares about breaking the law, and I’m here by myself with him,” so I think it’s a lot of self-preservation.
Eric: We talked at the start of this discussion about Harry’s trauma and where Harry is at, but think about Dudley’s trauma. Having just read Goblet of Fire, the Ton-Tongue Toffee scene still hurts, still feels like a fresh wound wherein Fred and George poisoned Dudley and nearly caused him to choke to death on his own tongue, and the only reason Dudley is not dead right now is because Arthur Weasley was able to slow and stop it. But not only that, even Hagrid has had a crack at Dudley magically and caused him to need surgery to remove a pig’s tail. Dudley has actually been on the receiving end of magic directly – not just inadvertently, but completely, entirely, meaningfully – so if Dudley is traumatized, if Dudley fears magic, that’s exactly right. Look at what magic’s done to him.
Andrew: To entertain this idea, Eric, that Dudley has maybe gone a little soft, I was also wondering if he feels bad for Harry because of the dreams that Harry has been experiencing recently.
Eric: I love this thought.
Andrew: The reason I say that is because Dudley says to Harry that he’s heard him screaming in his sleep about Cedric, so I’m wondering if he resisted pushing back because he’s like, “Dang, Harry is going through it right now. Poor guy.” I mean, when you’re hearing Harry say these things in his sleep, that’s a very raw look at what Harry is going through internally right now. I don’t know if a family member of Harry’s could hear that and not feel bad for him. He’s clearly going through something terrible and was traumatized.
Laura: I don’t really think Dudley feels bad for him, because he uses that to taunt him.
Eric: Only after Harry really pushes things, though.
Andrew: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: And I think it’s still a way of getting Harry off his back.
Laura: Yeah. Listen, I think Dudley reforms; I’m just not of the opinion that it has happened at this stage.
Eric: I mean, he is still lying to his parents about where he goes. He’s still beating up poor Mark Evans…
Laura: A 10-year-old.
Eric: … a kid with the most unfortunate name in the series.
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Eric: But really, it’s interesting to see the struggle, and Dudley really does warn Harry a bunch of times. I mean, if Harry weren’t so overcome with this desire to taunt and play with Dudley, essentially, none of this would happen, and Dudley really would have allowed him to have said, “How long you’ve been Big D?” and this stuff about the pig in the wig. And I just don’t think that anything Dudley is doing is offensive, and I think it’s actually smart, given that he realizes he’s outmatched, to de-escalate, when bullies or younger Dudley would have done something that got him further in trouble. I don’t think he would have the same self-insight as he does in this chapter.
Micah: Well, Dudley reached his breaking point. Harry kept prodding and prodding and prodding, and Dudley just got to the point where most of us would, where we react, we say things. What I found fascinating about watching Harry in this chapter is that it was almost like he was stalking his prey. He watched Dudley go by, he waited for Dudley’s friends to leave, and then took it upon himself to go and get into it with Dudley.
Eric: Yep.
Micah: And again, going back to the first part of our conversation, this is not a side of Harry we have seen ever.
Eric: This is our hero? This is our hero Harry? Crestfallen, I tell you. I was crestfallen. Even if it is explained later, it’s sad to read. Very difficult for a midnight, very excited book read.
[Andrew laughs]
Eric: Fortunately, Book 6 is better. But Dudley lying to his parents is very interesting, because speaking about Vernon and Petunia, you see them wanting to believe the lie, and maybe this was always the case. But it’s really interesting that all the members of his gang would probably back him up; “Oh, yeah, he’s been coming over for tea.” But not only that, Vernon in this chapter brags that he doesn’t think Dudley even knows who the Prime Minister is of the UK.
Andrew: [laughs] I know.
Eric: There’s an anti-intellectualist pride that Vernon exudes that really makes me question just what it is that they want out of their child and also what they’re like in their… I don’t know, just way they see the world. I’m sorry, but everyone should know who the leader of their own country is, I think.
Andrew: Yeah, and I guess Dudley is a little young to be paying too close attention to the news, but Vernon is more broadly just proud that Dudley isn’t paying attention to what’s going on in the world, and that’s nothing to brag about either. It’s basically like he’s so proud of Dudley, so long as he’s the total opposite of Harry. [laughs]
Micah: Right, that’s it. Exactly right, yeah. Because Harry is interested in the news, as long as Dudley isn’t, it’s a good thing.
Andrew: He’s better than Harry.
Eric: Well, right, because Harry has actually annoyed Vernon by wanting to listen to the news. The flower bed wasn’t his first go-to; he attempted to listen in the living room, and Vernon was like, “What are you doing out?”
Laura: Yeah, I also don’t think of Vernon and Petunia as being the most informed people anyway. They remind me of the types that sit around their living room at night, watching the news and judging every single person being talked about on it from their moral high horse on Privet Drive, [laughs] so I think that they probably feel a sense of pride of being above it all, right? It doesn’t concern them, because they’re so normal that nothing bad would ever happen to them, right? If something bad happens to you, it’s because you did something to bring it on yourself. That’s their attitude.
Eric: Wow.
Andrew: I wonder if Vernon gets so excited when Dudley is the opposite of Harry because it means they aren’t going to become friends or close family members.
Laura: Yeah, probably.
Andrew: The more he sees differences, the more excited he is. Because when they were way younger, this must have been a fear of Vernon’s and Petunia’s. Like, “Oh God, we hate the Potters. What if our son ends up liking the Potters?” Maybe this is a reason why Vernon and Petunia have always treated Harry like crap, to instill in their own son that you should not like that person.
Eric: Yeah, I mean, hatred and fear is taught, not ingrained, or not born. So I think that that’s exactly right. They would have given Dudley every luxury – like 37 presents one year and 36 the next – for his birthday, while giving Harry things like toothpicks, so that Dudley would not become friends with Harry. And the interesting thing about what Laura was saying about that is the underlying theme or theory seems to be “If you become friends with Harry, whose people are weirdos and all that stuff, then you’re going to fail. You’re going to have darkness visited upon you. You’re going to wind up like Harry’s own parents.” So they’re, in their own weird way, protecting Dudley from not getting involved with somebody, his cousin, who is a wizard. It’s pretty interesting. But my overall feeling is that picking on Dudley is not a good look, and it definitely hurts to see, but you hurt to see, most of all, Harry in pain. So there’s this joke about a pig that’s learned to walk on its hind legs. Are we laughing at Harry’s jokes, or are we just consumed by sadness and sympathy for him?
Andrew: Yeah, not laughing, but what struck me here is that it seems clear to me that Harry just wants to get the attention of somebody. Again, this word “isolated.” He’s not… nobody he actually cares about is talking to him. He’s taking out this frustration on Vernon, too; he said something to him that’s going to get him in trouble later. He’s attacking Dudley. He wants to get a rise out of one of these people because he wants somebody to pay attention to him, so in a… I don’t, of course, approve of violence or name-calling, but I also understand that Harry has some urges he needs to get out right now.
Eric: Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. So it’s also sad to see that when the Dementors do descend, Harry’s first several attempts at conjuring a Patronus fail because he’s so far gone that he can’t think of a happy thought. It’s not at his ready. And Harry is better at conjuring a Patronus than most wizards, but to do it, you need to be in a good place, and it takes Harry a few minutes to start thinking of Ron and Hermione, which that love is obviously very powerful to drive the Dementors away. But yeah, I mean, this physical altercation… I think it’s well adapted in the movie that we just watched and did commentary for, in that Harry, I think, takes a fist to the face, but it’s only after it really does seem like he’s done something with his wand. All the lights go out; essentially, the darkness… I think even Dudley is beginning to feel the effects of Dementors being nearby. And so it’s perfectly understandable, I think – again, going back to Dudley – for him to have punched Harry, because it seemed for I guess all audiences, really, that Harry, up until that moment, was going to curse him.
Laura: Yeah. I mean, I can understand why Dudley reacted the way he did, for sure.
Micah: The natural inclination there for Dudley is to hit Harry because he thinks Harry is doing this, and so by hitting him, his hope is that it will stop.
Eric: Right. Yeah, and that seems like a reasonable deduction. And there’s a fun sort of joke about Dudley learning to box and taking up school boxing, and it’s something like “Harry didn’t think that Dudley learning to punch more accurately was a good thing,” and that’s very funny. But also, I think it is interesting, if you’re more physically inclined, something like the sport of wrestling is actually a good discipline, and kind of… I think it’s possible that this experience with other boys on the wrestling team might actually allow for Dudley a channel for some of his more based or more uncomfortable desires to be more physically abusive. I think it’s maybe a healthy outlet, even, boxing.
Micah: I would just ask the question, though, why does Dudley feel the need to be that physically aggressive? And that likely ties back to his upbringing by Vernon and Petunia.
Eric: Yeah, being pitted… I think we really had a good discussion that covered Dudley’s inner struggle to be superior, because he’s always been told he’s superior. So maybe he’s physically dominating because he was always told he’s better than Harry, so now he has to maybe feel the need to earn it somehow.
Andrew: Could be also what him and his dad watch on TV.
Eric: There’s that.
Andrew: His dad maybe raising him to be this very macho, tough guy. “Men are fighters,” that type of thing.
Eric: Yeah, I mean, remember the Smelting stick.
Andrew: Yeah. I like the point, too, Eric, about boxing. I think of axe-throwing people; going to axe-throwing areas, or whatever you call them.
Laura: It’s fun!
Andrew: Yeah, I was just going to say, Laura’s done it. [laughs]
Eric: I mean, axe-throwing is great.
Laura: Yeah, it’s fun!
Andrew: There is a place here where you can pay however much, and for an hour, I guess it is, you just go around the room destroying everything. Not with axes, just with bats. They have TVs they buy from Goodwill, whatever. Boom. But you just… it’s like a rage room. [laughs] I don’t know what it’s called exactly.
Eric: This is the first I’m hearing of this. This is amazing.
Laura: There are similar places where you can go to break plates and stuff; just throw them around the room. So yeah, I mean, it’s a thing. Hey, better that than taking out your frustrations on someone else.
Eric: No, I know it’s healthy.
Andrew: Yeah, for sure.
Eric: But I feel a mental connection to my plates. I’ve had them for 20 years.
[Andrew and Eric laugh]
Eric: It’s a whole thing.
Micah: To your point about discipline, though, in boxing, perhaps it was some of that discipline that showed up in this conversation that he was having with Harry.
Eric: There you go!
Micah: And he learned it from being a amateur boxer.
Andrew: I like it.
Eric: Yeah, to summarize: Look, Dudley is still a bully, but not to Harry. Harry is the bully here. And it’s sad to see that he’s in such a negative place, but fortunately, he still saves Dudley’s life at the end of this, when it all comes down to it on the line. Speaking of lines, we’ll get to a certain line after this ad break.
[Ad break]
Lynx Line
Eric: And now it’s time for one of our other new segments for this Chapter by Chapter; we are bringing Lynx Line front and center. Each week on the Lynx Line we will hear from our patrons as they discuss their thoughts on what we’ve asked, and Andrew, what have we asked this week?
Andrew: What do we think of Harry’s “protection” on Privet Drive, with a rotating cast of wizards keeping watch on Harry and Mrs. Figg managing them? And what are some better ways in which Dumbledore could have set things up, so as not to attract the attention of the Ministry, but also better to meet Harry’s needs? And we’re also excited about this new Patreon benefit because it gives the chance for people who can’t join us during livestreams to sound off on each episode. As always, we got a lot of great responses on Patreon, and if you are currently a patron, please check out this post on Patreon to read everybody’s thoughts. It looks like we have 21 replies to this question. Lloyd said,
“I think that there needed to be more communication between Dumbledore/the Order and Harry. If you look at celebrities and politicians, they are very aware of the security and guards they have. I feel Harry would have been more comfortable with the idea if he had been aware. I believe that the Ministry would still not be aware of Dumbledore’s actions, even if Harry knew he was being guarded.”
Eric: So this next one comes from Zachary, who says, “I think this is a classic case of Dumbledore’s favorite game of eff around and find out.”
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: That should be almost a game show title. [imitating a game show audience] “Eff around! Find out!”
[Andrew laughs]
Eric: “Of all the members of the Order,” Zachary says, “Mundungus shouldn’t have been chosen. Like everyone else, I agree Tonks would have been ideal due to her abilities, or even McGonagall. Either of them would have been a great assist to Mrs. Figg.” Yeah. We don’t know who’s on the other shifts, because they don’t botch it the way Mundungus does…
[Andrew laughs]
Eric: … but presumably it’s some of Harry’s other friends or people he’s friendly with, or people who know him, and so any of them would have been fun for casual conversation and absolutely allowed Harry an outlet where even if he can’t figure out what’s going on all the time, he would have not felt so alone.
Micah: Darin says, “I think Dumbledore knew what he was doing with his protection. I mean, he’s Dumbledore!” Oh, Darin.
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Micah: “I do think, however, he could have chosen people other than Mundungus to help keep watch over him. Kingsley and Mad-Eye for a start!”
Laura: Yeah, those would have been good ones. Ariane says,
“I did wonder if, when it says Mrs. Figg kept asking Harry to tea, if her goal was to give him some idea of what was happening, or at least that he was being watched for his own protection. As for Mundungus being said protection… good lord, Dumbledore, they told me you were intelligent…”
[Everyone laughs]
Laura: So much Dumbledore hate happening this episode.
Andrew: I know, I know.
Eric: Eh, we’ll gloss over it. It might be the most deserved chapter for that, unfortunately.
Andrew: Well, Rachel has a counterpoint:
“I’m usually all for full transparency, however, I have to remind myself that Harry was 15. I don’t think he needed to be informed, though it would have been nice, and I think he’d have taken the news well if Dumbledore wrote a letter or explained it to him in person. I agree with others who have said Mundungus was not an appropriate choice, and it was so unfair to Mrs. Figg to put this much pressure on her.”
All right, this isn’t totally a counterpoint, but the first sentence kind of was.
“Unless one of her cats is an unregistered Animagus, what can she really do in a pinch?”
Well, like I said, Rachel, the bat phone. The Dumb phone. The phoenix phone.
Eric: That’s pretty much it. She would have to send an owl or one of her Kneazles via the Floo Network, if that works, to get a hold of Dumbledore in a pinch, because she can’t even cast a Patronus, which the Order use for messaging. Here’s a message from Susan:
“I think having Tonks around because of her abilities to change her appearance would be better protection than Dung.”
Have to agree.
“Also, Mrs. Figg was not enough at all. She wasn’t registered at the Ministry to be living on Privet Drive, and how could she contact Dumbledore quick enough? Dumby should have at least sent a letter with a blanket and vague explanation on things that reassured Harry that things would be fine soon.”
Agreed.
Andrew: “With a blanket.” [laughs]
Laura: Oh, like a blanket explanation, I think Susan means.
Andrew: Oh, I was picturing like, [imitating Dumbledore] “Hey, remember when I wrapped you in a blanket and brought you to Privet Drive?”
[Laura laughs]
Eric: In his childhood blanket that comes up in… wait, is that in the new Cursed Child, Micah?
Micah: The blanket? Yep, it’s there.
Eric: Okay, yeah. It’s hard to imagine what they would have cut from the parts. I asked you about the trolley lady; she’s still there.
Micah: Trolley lady is there.
Eric: Man.
Andrew: Love the trolley lady.
Micah: And the magic is just unbelievable. The Polyjuice scene, I still don’t know how they do it. I mean, I kind of can figure it out, but… anyway. And we also heard from Sara, who says,
“I feel like the guard was there to prevent Harry doing something rash or using magic, not the other way around of him needing protecting. Plus, Mundungus was not the best choice of guard. Clearly untrustworthy, even though he’s loyal to Dumbledore. Also think Harry would have been safer had he been informed that he needed to be extra careful, rather than being in the dark about everything.”
Andrew: The first sentence, though… I don’t know if you read that first part; she is reminding us that he is protected from Voldy due to his mother’s magic, so it’s not like he’s totally alone out in the wild to fend for himself. I thought that was kind of an important reminder. He is protected.
Micah: Well, he’s only protected when he’s at the Dursleys’.
Andrew: Right.
Micah: Not when he’s outside.
Eric: There really does come a point… and Dumbledore must know the way that the Dursleys are, especially because he mentions to Harry later that when he was 11, he was so malnourished that there’s no ignoring the abuse that Harry is suffering. There comes a point where it becomes more of a danger to have Harry go back to Privet Drive than what he gains from being protected from Voldemort; that’s just how I feel about it. There has to be some math that ain’t mathing right now.
Micah: And if we’re to connect the threads a little bit between Order of the Phoenix and Prisoner of Azkaban, somewhat similar situations play themselves out here at Privet Drive, right? Where Harry runs away, and there’s some sort of, ultimately, involvement with the Ministry. Harry ends up seeing Fudge in the Leaky Cauldron, and then, of course, he ends up at the hearing a little bit later on. I was also thinking back, too, to the fact of where he sees Sirius for the first time…
Eric: Aww.
Micah: … is also where the Dementors show up in this book, so if we’re playing around with that ring theory…
Andrew: Well, thanks, patrons, for contributing questions, and look forward to more of these questions, and we look forward to reading your answers in the months ahead. We’ll carry this new segment through the rest of the Chapter by Chapter for the whole series.
Eric: Heck yeah.
Where’s Dumbledore?
Eric: And speaking of segments, we’ve got another one coming up: It’s called “Where’s Dumbledore?” [laughs] Because we haven’t pinned enough on Dumbledore in this chapter. I’m imagining, if we have an intro sound, it should be something like Andrew’s Dumbledore impression, and he’s like, “Dos margaritas, por favor,” or something.
[Andrew laughs]
Eric: Because where is he?
Laura: That would be so funny.
Eric: Do you want to lead us in with it, Andrew?
Andrew: You said, “Dos margaritas, por favor”? Is that what…?
Eric: “Dos margaritas, por favor.” That’s all Spanish, right?
Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Dos margaritas, por favor.”
[Eric laughs]
Andrew: Yeah, no, I just couldn’t totally hear what you said. Well, I’m glad you mentioned a drink, because to me, where is Dumbledore during this chapter? He’s winding down a lovely summer vacation in Ibiza, and he’s spending yet another night at a bar called JJ. It’s a real bar, 4.7 stars on Google Maps…
[Eric and Laura laugh]
Andrew: … and Dumbledore is just thinking about all the paperwork he has to do before the new term starts, so he’s wrapping up his holiday. Give him a break.
Eric: I just had to look up Ibiza. How’d you come up with that?
Andrew: I don’t know. I just…
Laura: It’s a pretty popular vacation destination.
Micah: It’s a hot spot.
Eric: This is the first time I’m learning about it. That’s cool.
Andrew: Listen to the song “I Took a Pill in Ibiza.”
Eric: Oh.
[Everyone laughs]
Micah: Isn’t the mayor…? Anyway. For me, Dumbledore is just putting his own needs ahead of those of a victimized 15-year-old boy.
Andrew: Wow, way to bring the mood down.
[Everyone laughs]
Andrew: I thought this was going to be a segment where we have fun.
Micah: Well, we have plenty of chapters to talk about where Dumbledore is.
Laura: I imagine that he enchanted some rich guy into letting him spend the summer living on his yacht in the Bahamas, and that he is spending his days tanning and downing Cuba Libres because he knows the next 12 months are going to be so annoying.
[Andrew and Eric laugh]
Eric: [imitating Dumbledore] “Dos Cuba Libres, por favor.” Oh man. And I have one because, again, we really have not pinned enough things on Dumbledore in this chapter. My idea of “Where’s Dumbledore?” is that he’s somewhere oppressing Sirius, making Sirius feel unwanted and like a prisoner in his own home.
Andrew: Aww.
Eric: So hey, that’s our fun new segment! Yay.
Andrew: We won’t always attack Dumbledore in this segment. At least, I won’t.
Eric: No, no, no. But it is fun to… for a book where Dumbledore is intentionally ignoring Harry – and we love the Dumbledore/Harry interaction in Book 6 – but for Book 5, it seems like we’ll be able to ask that question and come up with genuinely interesting answers from time to time.
Make the Personal Connection
Eric: Now we are going to talk about a personal connection in a segment that we call Make the Personal Connection. And my question, really, to the panel is are there any bits of this chapter that resonate with something that occurred for us? And especially since 2019 when we last discussed this chapter.
Andrew: What are some life lessons that I’ve taken away or noticed maybe in the last five years? And we’ve been talking a lot today about Harry being left alone. I feel like the older you get, the more people end up disappointing you; whether on personal or professional levels, you just have more experiences where you’re just let down. And when you’re the Chosen One and people aren’t living up to your expectations, it feels like an even bigger letdown! He’s doing a lot for everybody, and they’re not meeting him where he is. So that’s his own issue to deal with; he’s on a different level that other people can’t keep up with. [laughs]
Eric: Wow.
Andrew: But on a similar note, with Harry being left for dead, there are times in life when you expect to hear from people and you just don’t, and it makes you question your relationships. Maybe it’s a birthday greeting. Maybe it’s just an everyday check in. Maybe it’s being ghosted.
Micah: Happy Birthday, Andrew.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Oh, man.
Andrew: I just think there are times when people socially let you down, too, and it sucks.
Eric: Yeah, I can say that some of what you said, Andrew, definitely resonates too, and hopefully, again, just fostering good communication with people can hopefully… in general. Everybody goes through stuff; everybody has their periods where they need to isolate themselves and not get back to every message. Because there’s also the opposite, where it’s mentally deprivating to pay attention to everything. But at the end of the day, just be sure to really reach out to people, let them know how you feel, and I believe that’ll be reciprocated. My personal connection here has to do with Mrs. Figg coming out as a Squib to Harry, and definitely over the last couple years, I’ve had the pleasure of several friends telling me new things about themselves that I didn’t know before.
Andrew: Give us a gossip! What? What did you hear?
Eric: No, I mean, it’s in many different ways.
Andrew: I’m just playing.
Eric: But we’re in our mid 30s. Not just we found somebody we’re going to marry, which is always a good announcement, but…
Andrew: Wait, what?!
Laura: Yeah, I’m sorry, Eric.
Eric: Really found my passion… no, we all have friends who are getting married. We’re always going to weddings, aren’t we?
Laura: Uh-huh.
Eric: No one in particular.
Andrew: Oh, I thought you were announcing something. Never mind, okay.
Eric: No, or friends who are able to be their most authentic selves now. I mean, really, the last couple years has shown me that it’s a beautiful, organic process of growth. And so Mrs. Figg… Harry had one impression of her; now he learns this new thing in this chapter. And it’s like, I know they don’t get a chance to have a heart to heart, but I like to imagine that there’s a lot of communication that they could have now that that’s over. What was it like being part of the wizarding world, or wizarding world adjacent? You just learn so much about somebody, the more… like a little thing, you can peel back the onion. And I just love that about people who’ve trusted me with information like that.
Andrew: It is nice when people entrust you with stuff like that.
Eric: And then I’ve done that myself this year with you guys, and it’s been really lovely, so that’s what I thought of, really.
Laura: That’s beautiful.
Andrew: I like it.
Laura: I definitely related to Harry in his feelings of isolation. I feel like every single one of us has a great example of that in the last five or so years with Covid. I think there was a degree of isolation felt by most everyone, and it can be really hard when you’re having overwhelming feelings, and you feel like you don’t have an outlet or a social network, to be able to easily get those things out to, or to even gather with for catharsis, so I can definitely resonate with what Harry is feeling here. But what I would say to him is it does get better.
Andrew: Yeah. And I think why we love still doing Chapter by Chapter and MuggleCast over the years is that we get different lessons and meaning out of the text each time we read, and that’s why we wanted to kick off this segment with Order of the Phoenix, too, to see how these stories are reflective of our own lives since we last talked about Order of the Phoenix.
Eric: Absolutely.
Fakest Character of the Week
Eric: And I’ve got to tell you, we now have something… a fun change to make to what used to be MVP of the Week. Now it’s going to be “Most ______” – fill in the blank, different every week – “Character of the Week,” and this week, there’s a lot of fake people in this chapter, but which and who is the most fake character? We are going to be ranking them now. Cue the music.
[MVP of the Week music plays]
Andrew: Fakest character of the week to me? Vernon Dursley, specifically for his response to his neighbor at 7 Privet Drive. Seven, mind you; there’s another number seven reference…
Eric: Ohh.
Andrew: … asking about the crack noise. “It wasn’t Mundungus! It wasn’t Dung! It was… it was the car! Don’t worry about it, neighbor.”
Eric: “Did you hear that car backfiring?”
Andrew: “Yeah, that was crazy! Hahaha!” And he said it so smoothly, too. He’s a little too good at being fake.
Eric: You know, he’s in sales, so…
Andrew: Ah, true.
Eric: I’m going to give my most fake character of the week to Aunt Petunia, who says, “‘As if were interested in their sordid affairs,’ sniffed Aunt Petunia, who had followed the case obsessively in every magazine she could lay her bony hands on.” We see you, Petunia. It’s okay to read the gossip columns; just don’t hide it, you fake character.
Micah: My fakest character of the week has to go to Dumbledore. This may be one of his worst chapters ever, and he isn’t even physically present.
Andrew: So it’s all up from here in terms of your criticism? Great! Looking forward to it.
[Everyone laughs]
Micah: I said “May be.”
Eric: Oooh.
Laura: And I’m going to have to plus one Petunia. I don’t know if there are four actual fake characters in this chapter that we can really dig into, but no, I agree with you, Eric; she sticks out.
Andrew: Listeners, if you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that’s recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-MUGGLE; that’s 1-920-368-4453. And we might use your feedback on a future Muggle Mail episode. And next week, Chapter by Chapter continues with Chapter 2 of Order of the Phoenix, “A Peck of Owls.”
Eric: Hee-hee.
Quizzitch
Andrew: And one thing that is not changing episode to episode is, of course, everybody’s favorite Harry Potter game show, Quizzitch!
[Quizzitch music plays]
Eric: Last week’s Quizzitch question: In the United States, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix the movie was the fifth highest-grossing film of 2007 domestically. Name at least two films that year which earned more money than Harry Potter 5.
Micah: Oooh.
Eric: Bonus points, I said, if you don’t look it up. So here were the top five grossing films domestic of 2007: It was Spider-Man 3, with $336 million domestically; Shrek 3, $322 million; Transformers 1; Pirates of the Caribbean 3; and Harry Potter 5 was five, as I said. So something interesting we are doing with Quizzitch is we’re asking people if they’ve looked up the answer when they submitted. It is and remains an open book quiz, but 26% of correct answers said they did not look up these answers, and so congrats to those people for knowing your 2007 movies. Some of our listeners weren’t born that year yet. Last week’s winners were Box Office Trivia with the Kneazle; Robbie, I went to all three midnight releases; It’s my 14th birthday! Didn’t leave a name. Just said it’s their 14th birthday. Army of the Phoenix; PatronusSeeker; Spy D-er man; Buff Daddy; Forrest the 11-year-old; I’m having my Harry Potter-themed wedding in a week; Vernon’s skyrocketing health insurance policy; Lloyd the Kiwi; The Death Eaters storing their uniforms on Poop Mountain; [laughs] Trevor Spider-Toad the Third; Fiend for Fanfiction about Harry Potter; and last but not least, Jim! So thanks to everybody for participating in the slightly unusual Quizzitch. I think that I’m going to get more geopolitical and less immediate next chapter with Quizzitch. What do you guys think?
Andrew: Sure, go for it.
Eric: Okay, we’re branching out! New book, new Quizzitch, new rules. Next week’s question: In honor of the drought that’s happening in the beginning of Book 5, what is the hottest temperature ever recorded in the United Kingdom?
[Andrew laughs]
Eric: Your guess, if it’s within three degrees Fahrenheit, will be accepted as correct; and you may give your answer in Fahrenheit or Celsius. Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or if you’re on the MuggleCast website – whether you’re reading transcripts, checking out our Must Listens page, or anything else – click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav bar.
Andrew: And this show is brought to you by Muggles like you; it’s the only reason we’ve been able to podcast for 19 years and counting. Here are the two best ways to help us out: Number one, if you’re an Apple Podcasts user, subscribe to MuggleCast Gold, which gets you instant access to ad-free and early releases of MuggleCast, plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month. And stay tuned for a new bonus MuggleCast this week, in which we will discuss three Harry Potter TV show news items. For even more benefits, best way to help us out: Number two, pledge at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. You’ll get all the benefits of MuggleCast Gold, plus livestreams, yearly stickers, another new physical gift every year, a video message from one of the four of us personalized to you, our private Facebook and Discord groups where you can hang out with fellow Potter fans, and so much more. And this week’s bonus MuggleCast will also be available for a one-time purchase on our Patreon. Also, if you enjoy MuggleCast and think other Muggles would, too, tell a friend about the show and leave a five star review in your favorite podcast app. And as Eric said, visit MuggleCast.com for transcripts, social media links, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes, and a lot more. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.
Eric: I’m Eric.
Micah: I’m Micah.
Laura: And I’m Laura.
Andrew: Bye, everyone.
Eric, Laura, and Micah: Bye.