Transcript #726

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #726, Fame W…alrus (HBP Chapter 4, Horace Slughorn)


Cold Open


Eric: Micah thinks he’s going to make it in the Slug Club. Boy, do we have news for him.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, is this your audition?

Micah: These things exist.

Laura: I mean, there genuinely are academic societies for high-performing students to network in.

Andrew: Oh, I wouldn’t know. [laughs]

Micah: Exactly.

Laura: I’m not saying whether or not that’s fair, but it is a thing.

Micah: As Ravenclaws, Laura and I would find ourselves invited by Professor Slughorn.

Andrew: Spoken like a true Slug Club member.

Micah: You’re in his House! You’ve got to get an in somehow, Andrew.

[Andrew laughs]


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: Hello, everyone. I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: We’re your Harry Potter friends, here to talk about the books and the movies and the upcoming TV show, so make sure you follow us in your favorite podcast app so you never miss a week with your Harry Potter friends. And this week, ooh-ooh, we hope you’ve studied up on Albus’s favorite jam, because Chapter by Chapter continues with Chapter 4 of Half-Blood Prince, “Horace Slughorn.” That’s how I imagine that “Oho” sounds.

Eric: I was going to say, that’s a unique take on that.

Andrew: Like the Pillsbury Doughboy. [in a high voice] “Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh!”

Eric: Kind of sounds like Super Mario. “Woo-hoo! Wah-hah!”

Andrew: [laughs] If you love MuggleCast and want to help keep this show tidier than a home Slughorn has blown through, we invite you to become a member of our community at Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and by joining, you’ll get instant access to two bonus MuggleCast episodes every month, plus ad-free episodes, access to our livestreams, a personal video “Thank you” message from one of the four MuggleCasters, a new physical gift delivered by owl each year, and much more. Laura, what are we doing in bonus MuggleCast this week?

Laura: In bonus this week, we’re going to be playing an old school game of “Would You Rather?”, except it’s going to be wizarding world edition, so think things like, “Would you rather have Snape as your Head of House, or Umbridge as your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher?” I heard from a little bird before we started recording that the lineup of “Would You Rather?” scenarios we have for this week is not dirty enough to go behind the paywall, so I have a feeling there’s going to be a follow-up segment to this one where we get a little more fast and loose.

Micah: Hey, who are you calling little?

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: “Who are you calling a bird?”

Eric: You’re the little bird?

Micah: Big bird.

Laura: I was trying not to throw anyone under the bus.

Andrew: Well, it’ll be a fun edition of bonus MuggleCast, so don’t miss that on our Patreon. But if you’re looking for other ways to support us, you can leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, you can tell a fellow Muggle about our show, and you can visit MuggleCastMerch.com to buy official show gear. And a reminder, our merch store now has some lower prices on things like T-shirts, so visit MuggleCastMerch.com, click the overstock store link at the top, and you’ll find previous year’s Patreon gifts that we still have some extras of, and we’ll get those gifts out to you if you want to order from our overstock store.


Chapter by Chapter: Pensieve


Andrew: All right, let’s get to Chapter by Chapter, and this week, we’re discussing Half-Blood Prince Chapter 4 – ooh-ooh, woo-hoo – “Horace Slughorn.”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Now I’m just going to be thinking about Mario the rest of the recording.

Micah: That’s Mario. That is not…

Eric: “Waahhh!” We last discussed Chapter 4 of Half-Blood Prince on MuggleCast number 381, which had a fun title! It was called “Chair Today, Gone Tomorrow.”

Andrew: Ooh, clever.

Dumbledore: What you are looking at are memories. This is the most important memory I’ve collected. It is from MuggleCast Episode 381.

[Sound of memory uncorking]

[Sound of plunging into Pensieve] /

Andrew: Dumbledore says he’s reading a magazine in the bathroom, and he’s like, “I do love knitting patterns.” Between this and his admission that he loves a raspberry jam, we should have known after reading this chapter that he was gay, no question. I can’t believe we were all so shocked.

Eric: I don’t know what you mean, Andrew.

Andrew: Well, it’s just a little gay to love knitting and raspberry jam. Pat, you actually knit. Did you know he was gay once you read that line?

[Andrew and Pat laugh]

Pat: I always thought he was well before this, because it always talked of him wearing high-heeled boots.

[Eric laughs]

Pat: And always a lot of… not that purple’s a gay color, but…

Andrew: [laughs] Okay.

Pat: … more voluptuously purple robes and stuff.

Andrew: Vibrant, yeah. Gay in the classic sense. Happy and colorful.

Eric: But why raspberry jam? Why is raspberry jam gay? Because it’s fruity?

Andrew: That just seems… it’s just very fruity.

[Pat laughs]

Andrew: I don’t… it’s just… it’s beyond strawberry. It’s just extra. [laughs]

[Sound of exiting Pensieve]

Dumbledore: This memory is everything.

Andrew: I was so annoying. I’m sorry.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: “This memory is everything.”

Eric: I love that discussion!

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: I feel like we’ve had a couple of those now at this point, haven’t we?

Eric: What?

Micah: Andrew calling out Dumbledore?

Eric: Oh, maybe.

Laura: But it’s with love, right? Because you’re a Dumbledore apologist.

Eric: Times change.

Andrew: Yeah. The knitting pattern thing, I still stand by. The raspberry jam thing, that’s a stretch now, I believe.

Laura: Oh, have you evolved on that? Is raspberry jam no longer gay?

Andrew: No, it’s just a jam. It’s just another jam that anybody could enjoy.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Well, that’s good to know. That means I can start buying it again.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Laura: Well, it’s a good thing that we focused so heavily on Dumbledore’s interest in knitting patterns and basically what he was doing to keep himself out of the room and leave Harry and Slughorn alone last time, because we’re not going to focus on that too much this time. But it goes without saying that so much of this chapter is focused on the Dumbledore and Harry dynamic with the introduction to Slughorn. So this chapter picks up with Dumbledore and Harry traveling to recruit Horace Slughorn, and Harry asks, “Yo, Albus, why do I need to come for this? How can I help with this?” And Dumbledore is, per usual, super cryptic about it, and he just says something like, “Oh, I’m sure you’ll find a way to be useful,” ever the chess master that he is. But what is so interesting about the setting that we are seeing is this is a Muggle neighborhood, so we’re getting a glimpse of normal life after the chaos of the previous book. So we’re really exposed to this suburban calm, which feels really strange given the rising tension in the wizarding world. But an interesting contrast, Andrew, that you called out here – I want to throw to you – is we’re wandering into this Muggle environment. Harry has spent the vast majority of his life living in a Muggle neighborhood, and he has a bit of a strange idea about how he and Dumbledore could track Slughorn down, doesn’t he?

Andrew: Well, yeah, he says, “How about we just Apparate into this mystery man’s house?” And I thought this was funny, because Dumbledore says, “To Apparate just into this man’s house, sight unseen, would be just as rude as kicking down the front door.” But this is the same guy who just, in the last chapter, basically invited himself into the Dursleys’ home, and I think this shows just how little respect he has for the Dursleys. He does have respect for fellow wizards; he’s not going to Apparate into their homes, but the Dursleys, he’ll just waltz right in.

Eric: Yep, and it’s even later in the evening.

Laura: Well, he kind of coerced them, right? Sorry, go ahead, Eric.

Eric: Yeah, it’s even later in the evening. It was 11:00 p.m. when he showed up on the Dursleys’; now it’s about midnight!

Andrew: Yeah. But it also got me thinking about this idea of Apparating into a wizard’s home, and could you imagine if wizards didn’t, A, have the common courtesy to not Apparate into others’ homes, and B, have their own protection charms in place? It would be a disaster. I mean, imagine you’re sitting in your room right now, and somebody just Apparates in. Or you’re asleep, or you’re doing funny business in your bedroom or bathroom, and somebody just Apparates right in.

Micah: Well, Slughorn was taking a bath.

Andrew: He was! Yeah, good point.

Eric: There’s got to be something like a doorbell, right? Something that prevents somebody from just barging in, but I guess probably, then again, maybe not.

Micah: Mev does raise a good point in the Discord, though, Andrew; she says that at least Dumbledore did let Harry know that he was coming to Privet Drive. It’s not like he just showed up unannounced.

Andrew: Yeah. My point is the Dursleys didn’t want him to come in, and he did anyway.

Eric: Well, something that interests me is just how the past few chapters have really shown how much in the minority wizards are. Snape lives in this Muggle home in the middle of Muggleville. The Dursleys, obviously – as you just said, Andrew – the Dursleys are in a huge Muggle area. And now Slughorn, too, does not have this grand, sweeping estate; he’s bumming on couches at these other homes of Muggles that he finds, because there just aren’t many wizards at all in the world. It’s mostly a Muggle world, and the wizards are just stones skipping on the river of it.

Andrew: Slughorn probably enjoys crashing in Muggles’ homes, I would think.

Eric: I think he likes the variety, yeah.

Andrew: And this concern that Dumbledore has about entering a wizard’s home without their permission, while Slughorn is literally moving into Muggles’ homes every week…

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: This is all so messed up. And then Dumbledore asks Slughorn if he can use his bathroom. I mean, it’s just… [laughs] It’s so weird.

Laura: I mean, he’s just treating it like an Airbnb. Slughorn has just been hopping from Airbnb to Airbnb for the last year.

Andrew: Yeah, without the Airbnb owner’s permission.

Laura: Right. Well, I mean, when you’re magical, who needs permission? Except don’t Apparate into someone’s house, apparently.

Micah: But Muggle homes makes sense, though, because he’s not going to go stay with other wizard folks. He needs to be undercover, and what better place…? There’s so many more options available to him if he’s going to go into Muggle homes.

Eric: Right.

Laura: Yeah, so I mean, clearly Slughorn is a little bit ahead of the game, if you were to compare him to the Ministry, for example. We also get this mention of the pamphlets that the Ministry sends out with the Daily Prophet. And remember, a few episodes ago we were laughing about how pretty useless these things seem to be, and Dumbledore pretty much confirms that for Harry in being like, “Well, for example, you didn’t ask me my favorite flavor of jam. Or apparently that my favorite flavor of jam makes me gay.”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: So it’s just very clear that… say what you will about Slughorn; he does have a pretty good understanding of what’s going on, and that’s why he’s taking all the precautions that he’s taking.

Eric: I think, too, maybe the precautions that he’s being shown to have taken set you up for believing that he’s going to be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, because it is not revealed – his true profession – until day one of Hogwarts in a little bit. So you tend to think, “Oh, he’s good at concealment. We’ve heard Aurors do that as part of their test.” So it’s kind of a neat little red herring, I think, to have you suspect something entirely different than what it is we’re getting here.

Laura: Definitely.

Micah: And I don’t think the raspberry jam thing really is that bad; the advice that the Ministry is giving isn’t that bad, because Harry should have known better than to have not challenged Dumbledore at Privet Drive, especially given the fact that a Death Eater posed as his Defense Against the Dark Arts professor for his entire fourth year, and Harry has just left what we know to be his only place of protection outside of Hogwarts, and he’s Apparated to this village in the middle of nowhere. I say what better way, what better ruse, to lure him out of his safety net and murder him?

Eric: Than to pose as Dumbledore.

Micah: Dumbledore could have been somebody totally different.

Eric: Thank you!

Micah: And let’s not forget – I was going to bring this up later – but this hand, right? This black hand that’s been referenced four times in this chapter.

Eric: Well, it could be a sign that he’s not…

Micah: Maybe that’s a tell. Maybe that’s not who he really appears to be.

Eric: Right.

Andrew: I was kind of seeing the numerous times that Dumbledore brings up the hand as a way to kind of test Harry’s critical thinking. He says he’ll tell Harry later, but maybe he wants him to start thinking now about what could possibly be going on with his hand. And ultimately, he’s not going to come to the answer himself, but it’s probably good practice for Harry to be thinking about that on his own without Dumbledore giving him the answers.

Eric: But that’s such a good point about how often Harry has been around imposters and people who would want to do him harm. He should absolutely be taking the Ministry’s decent advice and asking a follow-up question here or there. I don’t know where Dumbledore and Harry both get off on insulting these pamphlets.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: They both kind of have a laugh about it! And it’s like, look, these are the type of people that just because a solution that’s touted out is not 100% foolproof or interesting, you’re going to crap all over it and get fewer people to put stock in it? Come on, guys.

Andrew: Well, these are the two people who believed most that Voldemort was back while everybody else was ignoring them.

Eric: Right.

Andrew: So I can see why they’re like, “Oh, now they’re getting serious about it.”

Eric: They’re very chummy about it.

Andrew: But I agree with you; it is still good advice.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: It is too little, too late, though, I think, in a lot of ways. This is advice that would have probably been really helpful a year ago, but at this point, Voldemort and the Death Eaters kind of have their claws sunk in to society and the Ministry, so it really becomes a question of, “How helpful is Ministry advice at this point?”

Eric: Right.

Laura: But we’re also reminded of the political instability and the violence that’s going on. Harry hears about this a little bit earlier in the book, but Slughorn brings it up again in talking about his reasoning for being in hiding the way he is: the assassinations that have happened recently, Madam Bones as well as Emmeline Vance. And Slughorn opines… he’s like, “Hey, if those two got taken out with all of their Ministry protections, how safe am I?” And I guess my question to that would be do we think their Ministry protections were foolproof? Because I think at this point, the Death Eaters have a death grip on the Ministry, so I just wonder how effective a safety detail is at this point.

Eric: Like if there was a mole or something?

Laura: Yeah.

Eric: It’s hard to say. We hear that Voldemort himself came to do the killing, at least for one of the murders, so I think that if Voldemort really wants to find you, he’s going to find a way. Anything short of the protection for Lily and James – and even that failed – is not going to do it. So it’s pretty scary to think.

Micah: The Ministry is probably the one place you don’t want to be working right now…

Laura: Right.

Micah: … if you’re somebody who is on Voldemort’s bad list, right? Or hit list, I should say. And the other place you probably don’t want to be is in the Order of the Phoenix, and those are the two areas in the people that you mentioned that were targeted, that were mentioned, in Emmeline Vance and Amelia Bones. But I agree with what was said about if Voldemort wants to get you, he will. It’s just a matter of time.

Laura: He will. And something else that gets called out in this pamphlet that Harry gets to learn about – very convenient timing for this, because it’ll become relevant later – we get to learn about the Inferi, which are Voldemort’s undead army. Dumbledore says, “Yeah, he killed enough people the first time around to have a whole army of Inferi.” And it’s perfect timing for Halloween, but it also reminded me of all the theories that were going on back in the day around what dead characters we might potentially run into as Inferi. I do remember there was a particularly dark fan theory that Harry’s parents might have been enlisted into the Inferi army and that he might come face to face with them. Thankfully, that did not come to pass. But it does kind of feel a little shocking to me that there wasn’t an opportunity for Harry or Dumbledore or someone to see an Inferi that they recognize. Do we think that they’re too decayed at that point to be recognizable, or…?

Micah: From later in this book?

Eric: I think that Dumbledore is simply too distracted to recognize the completely distinct face and visage of Regulus Black at the cave at the end from the watery depths that have preserved him. Dumbledore’s just got other stuff on his mind. It’s terrifying. I think the Inferi are in this book exactly as much as they need to be, and not a page more.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: I’m grateful for that. There’s actually… I’m reminded of a song by The Mudbloods called “Inferi Are Terrifying” or “Scary.” It’s really good stuff. But yeah, they’re horrifying. And you wouldn’t want to see… it’s next level insult to not only murder these people, but then to use them for your army.

Andrew: Well, that’s sort of… I was wondering if the author maybe thought it was too dark to have, let’s say, Harry’s parents, or Sirius… I guess Sirius wouldn’t come back, because of the veil. But other dead characters, Cedric Diggory [laughs] coming back as Inferi, because it’s just too dark a thought, I think, for Harry to have to face his parents, who are now his enemies, and then potentially kill them again? I don’t know. That might be a step too far.

Micah: It’s very reminiscent of Game of Thrones with the White Walkers.

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Micah: And their ability to resurrect. Won’t spoil too much. But yeah, I do remember those theories, and they were definitely scary to think about, that that could happen somewhere down the road. It also makes me think about Hogwarts Legacy and how much of a pain in the ass it is to deal with the Inferi sometimes.

Laura: Oh my gosh, they’re so annoying.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: They’re not hard to beat; it’s just there’s so many of them. Wow, that took me back to Hogwarts Legacy days. But anywho, as a true crime girly myself, I really appreciated the job that Slughorn did trying to disguise his hideout. So Harry and Dumbledore enter a scene fit for a true crime story. There’s smashed furniture, ripped open cushions, feathers everywhere, glass, blood spatter on the walls… but Dumbledore is pretty quick to realize that this is all a ruse, and he gives an armchair, a.k.a. Slughorn, a nice sharp jab with his wand, which reveals Slughorn’s true identity as an armchair.

Eric: Man. Dumbledore really leans into it too. Slughorn… the first thing he says is that, “You poked way harder than you needed to,” and I think this Dumbledore… there’s an edge to him; there’s an edge to Dumbledore. I think Dumbledore is either angry with Horace, or not afraid of, I guess, just even having that edge. Despite what he told Harry, he’s not being polite. He’s here to basically ensure that Slughorn goes back to Hogwarts, and I don’t think he thinks very highly of Slughorn; what he thinks highly of or respects is the missing puzzle piece that Horace has in his memories. But you can just tell that Dumbledore has almost an axe to grind, and even is just like, “Harry, you deal with this man.”

Andrew: The poking kind of lines up with what I think I’ve said in recent episodes, that Dumbledore doesn’t really feel like wasting any time right now; he just wants to get down to business. So he’s not going to play any games, like, “Oh, where’s Slughorn?” He’s just going to poke and activate him.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: And then I will say, though, the movies did it better, where his head kind of pops out of the couch first before fully turning back.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: Whereas reading the scene a couple times, it seems like he just instantly transformed from armchair to Horace. But that’s besides the point. I will also say Dumbledore is in a bit of a good mood overall throughout this chapter, and I think it speaks to how confident he is that he will – he and Harry – will be able to get Slughorn to go back to Hogwarts. He’s not stressed about this; he knows parading Harry in front of Slughorn is going to do the trick, and that’s why he’s just generally in a good mood this chapter.

Eric: I agree.

Laura: Yeah, and we see Slughorn is a little bit grumpy at first, because he’s onto Dumbledore’s plan. Slughorn definitely has an ego on him, but he’s not dumb. As soon as he lays eyes on Harry, he puts two and two together and realizes exactly what Dumbledore’s plan is to get him to come back to Hogwarts. [laughs] And in hindsight, it’s pretty clear this is another one of Dumbledore’s chess moves to get the right pieces in place, using Harry to lure Slughorn back to Hogwarts, and then also use Harry to get the unaltered memory from Slughorn. I wanted to ask, just because we criticize because we care, but one of the characters that we do criticize a whole lot is Dumbledore. How do we feel about this plan?

Micah: I think, as you like to say, Laura, multiple things can be true. I think the move is good for Dumbledore, but it’s also really good for Slughorn, because I don’t think there’s a safer place for him to be than at Hogwarts. And if anybody… going back to what we were talking about earlier with Amelia Bones and Emmeline Vance, if there’s anyone who has a target on their back right now, it would be Slughorn, knowing what he knows. I mean, he holds the key to Voldemort’s immortality. We don’t know that at this moment, but that memory really is everything, and I say protect him at all costs.

Andrew: I think Slughorn does start talking himself into the idea that Hogwarts is the safest place for him to be, but he also hints that he doesn’t like being on the move so much, because Harry asks him how his favorite students currently stay in touch with him, and Slughorn is like, “Well, they don’t, because I don’t have a permanent address. I haven’t… I’ve been on the move for the last year.” He isn’t getting those precious Quidditch tickets or the inside gossip at Gringotts! This sucks! He has to hide as a couch to avoid Dumbledore; this isn’t good at all. Only good thing is maybe that tub he’s got in his house right now. But he’s also shaken up about Amelia being killed, and as I observed on the show a couple chapters ago, if she isn’t safe, as the Ministry of Magic’s top cop, who is? So maybe Hogwarts is the best place to be protected right now.

Eric: It’s uncanny how they just kind of walk into this. Harry has not been prepped beforehand, right? He just happens to ask… and Harry has no idea what he’s doing too. He’s making polite conversation with this guy who he doesn’t even really like, because Slughorn, among many things, is not altogether very likable. He’s kind of prejudiced, and we’ll get into all that later. But Harry just kind of stumbles into saying exactly the right thing that convinces Slughorn to return, and it’s really neat. It’s uncanny to see it unfold, because we’ve known Harry for five years now, and this is the kind of stuff that he would normally say to keep a conversation going, but it’s exactly what Slughorn needs to hear to make the decision. It’s kind of clever.

Micah: Yeah. And one of the things that I found to be interesting – or at least a little bit curious – is that he mentions that he’s been on the run for a year, and so this means that he went on the run not long after the events of the Triwizard Tournament. So my question is, was he getting intel from all these connections that he had? Did the Dark Mark from the Quidditch World Cup scare him? Maybe was he corresponding with Dumbledore? Because the other question here is how did Dumbledore find him? He would have had to be doing some kind of recon. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, I was wondering that too.

Micah: But being on the run for years seems like a pretty long period of time.

Laura: And it does really make me laugh at his whole “Why would I be hiding from the Death Eaters? What would they want with little old me?” routine that he tries to pull at first…

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: … because Dumbledore is like, “So this whole masquerade… you did this for me, huh? Not for the Death Eaters?” And he’s like, “Oh, of course. Why would they want me?” It’s like, “Come on, man. We know exactly why you’re hiding.”

Andrew: “Little old me!”

Laura: But I wanted to ask, what does it say about Slughorn that he clearly isn’t pro-Voldemort, but he also doesn’t want to stick his neck out there to fight the good fight? And does that make him the most morally gray Slytherin we’ve met so far? Asterisk: Snape doesn’t count at this point in the series.

Micah: I think he feels responsible. I think he truly is holding himself accountable deep down inside for the fact that Voldemort is who he is right now, and I think that in and of itself is holding him back from moving forward.

Eric: But he’s also a man of startlingly low conviction, right? He’s not going to do the right thing. Even if he comes back to Hogwarts, it’s an entire year before he finally gives up the unedited version of the memory. He knows what Dumbledore is about; he knows that Dumbledore is trying to find Voldemort and the secrets of Voldemort. Why not just give Dumbledore the memory as a piece offering saying, “Hey, thanks for letting me be safe all year back at your school. Here’s the piece of info that you want to know; I hope you don’t fire me now that you’ve got it”? Something like that would be more courageous. So I do agree that he’s a gray area character, and probably the most gray area Slytherin at this point.

Andrew: Yeah. I used the word coward; I’m hesitant to really call him a coward, but he is just somebody who’s sort of just… as Robert is putting it, he’s content with sitting on the sidelines and just waiting for it to play out, and he could stay in hiding for as long as he needs to and wait for this to blow over.

Eric: Yeah, he’s not… I think a Gryffindor trait would be righting an injustice in the world, or going out there and fighting evil or whatever. For Slughorn, unless it directly affects him… and even then, he has to be guilted for so long to finally do the right thing. I think that that shows who he is, really, because this is not something that’s affecting him. What does it matter to him that Voldemort is out there longer? And the secret to defeating him, which only Slughorn basically can confirm, because he’s the only one that Tom Riddle ever confided in about this… he’s not going to do the right thing because it doesn’t… he’s not incentivized to do it, especially given… eh.

Micah: No, I don’t disagree, but in fairness to him – and we’re a ways from Deathly Hallows – he does duel Voldemort, and I think there is something to be said for the fact that, after everything that’s happened, the history between those two, that he would, as the Head of Slytherin House, step out there and duel his former student.

Eric: I’d have to reread it, but if Voldemort is coming at you, you’re going to duel Voldemort, if you don’t want to die. [laughs]

Micah: Or run. I mean, he could have ran.

Eric: He could have run! Well, that’s the thing. Okay, I’ll say this to his credit, in case everybody thinks that I’m going against good old walrus-y mustache man: He sticks around! He’s at Hogwarts in year seven, isn’t he?

Micah: Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.

Eric: That’s a full year that he’s there.

Micah: Him, McGonagall, Shacklebolt. All three of them at once duel Voldemort.

Eric: Amazing.

Micah: Max that.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I think it is an interesting observation to point out that Slughorn is kind of like the patient zero of enabling Tom Riddle to do what he ultimately goes on to do, because we know it’s not just Slughorn, right? Snape is part of it too; Peter Pettigrew is part of it. All of these people enable him to do what he does, but Slughorn is the start of it, and I think he knows that, and he’s deeply ashamed of it and, probably for his reputation’s sake, terrified about that information getting out there. I think it’s fair to say that Slughorn is really self-serving. At the same time, when Voldemort finally shows up at his doorstep and he’s forced to make a decision, he does make the right one, but I think it does say something less than admirable about his character that it takes that long. Especially since it’s his fault.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Yeah, I mean, everyone can benefit from him doing the right thing sooner, and it’s a real shame that he doesn’t. But here’s the thing where I relate to Slughorn the most: Dumbledore says he likes his comforts. And I could see myself… you know how sometimes we just distract ourselves for a little bit if we have something we know we should do. And I mean, I’ve never withheld a huge secret that could change the course of wizarding history, but at the same time, you can distract yourself with a routine of new city every week, and travel, see the world, see places… it’s easy to forget that you’re sitting on this time bomb, or that people might seek to use you or whatever. And I’ve completely distracted myself; I’ll bury into a new video game. All of a sudden, 80 hours later, I still haven’t set up a doctor’s appointment I should set up. [laughs] It’s so easy to get this comfort. What Slughorn has set up for himself is actually quite impressive, a network of students that…

Andrew: And being on the run, actually – to your point, Eric – probably helps distract him from the realities that he’s afraid to confront, if you’re kind of mentally staying on the run. And I think the fact that the first thing we hear about him is that he was just in the bath speaks to his laid-back attitude right now. It’s symbolic of just his position on the war.

Eric: Wow. I like that a lot. Also, he knows that this is the last chance he’s going to have all year to take a bath, because there’s no real facilities at Hogwarts.

Andrew: [laughs] Well, the prefects’ bathroom. That has some nice tubs, I think.

Eric: Yeah, but that’s for the prefects.

Micah: I think also, it really comes down to how he probably thinks he’d be perceived by others, especially those that he collected over the years, to be revealed as the one who was responsible for Voldemort’s rise to power, ultimately. Not that… I mean, I want to be careful here, too, because it was clear Voldemort was up to no good before he asked what he did of Slughorn; it was more that Slughorn affirmed what he was looking to ultimately create. But still, the fact that he knew how Voldemort was able to survive, and he didn’t share that information with anybody… I think if he knew that it was somehow going to come out, he’s more concerned about his own reputation.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Well, especially since at the time, you would think… I mean, clearly we see in the memory, it makes him uncomfortable that Tom asks for this, and the fact that he doesn’t think to go to Headmaster Dippet and be like, “So we might have a problem…”

Micah: With one of our students?

Eric: “Little psycho has now asked me how to do this,” yeah.

Andrew: Just a little heads-up about what just happened.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Speaking of his relationship with Tom Riddle, I’m wondering if this line… “Harry had been sure Slughorn would be one of those wizards who could not bear to hear Voldemort’s name spoken aloud, and was not disappointed: Slughorn gave a shudder and a squawk of protest.” Is this line a mild foreshadow alert? Or maybe a purposeful misdirection? Because Harry might think he’s just another wizard recoiling from the name “Voldemort,” but perhaps he’s recoiling because he’s in denial about helping Voldemort with Horcruxes. [laughs] “Don’t remind me of that man.”

Laura: I think you’re on to something there. I think it’s probably deeply troubling to him in a way that he doesn’t feel like he can express without outing himself as the creator…

Eric: There wouldn’t have even been a Voldemort if it weren’t for what Slughorn did. I mean, not in the same way, right? It just would be Tom Riddle, and he would have died after the first battle if he never found Horcruxes.

Andrew: I’m going to lean on purposeful misdirection here, not necessarily a foreshadow alert.

Eric: Yeah, but it’s clever. I mean, this just shows his character, too… and we talked about this before; I don’t think Slughorn is a full-on coward, but he’s exhibiting cowardice here. But even Hermione or Ron shy away from saying Voldemort’s name, and these are two Gryffindors too. So I think the difference is for Harry, especially because he’s with Dumbledore, and Harry and Dumbledore both never have had a problem ever saying Voldemort’s name, that it really pits… it shows you where Slughorn stands between Harry and Dumbledore, and everyone else. And if Slughorn were the kind of character that wasn’t afraid to say Voldemort’s name, well, that would actually be really interesting. I don’t know too many characters that don’t have a problem with it, so they would be very heroic and brave and not fearful, and that’s just not who Slughorn is.

Laura: I was struck, in rereading this chapter, in realizing that Harry, by meeting Slughorn, gets a very different reaction to fame than the one that he’s used to getting. He’s usually used to just being met by shock and awe, and certainly people would love to get in tight with him so that they could name drop him and all of these other things, but that’s not something Harry has ever been… it’s not something he’s ever fallen prey to. But it’s clear that Slughorn kind of fancies himself the mentor and influencer of the rich and famous, and I feel like we all know someone like this, right? Someone who likes to brag and name drop and overemphasize the perks they get for who they know.

Andrew: Yeah. Slughorn would have loved Instagram. He would have loved taking selfies with his group, with his Slug Club gang, and showing off…

Micah: In the tub.

Andrew: [laughs] I don’t know about in the tub, but tagging all the friends in the Slug Club, hoping they would all repost it to their feeds. He would be a total fame W-word.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: And what might that be?

Laura: What’s that word?

Andrew: Walrus. Fame walrus.

Laura: [laughs] A fame walrus. There we go.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I wanted to ask y’all, too, how much do we buy Slughorn’s story here? He kind of runs through this list of all of these amazing perks and benefits he gets by remaining in contact with these students who’ve gone on to do really big, important things, and in some cases, become famous. Do we actually think he is as highly regarded as he says he is? Or do these people just give him this stuff to make him shut up and go away? [laughs]

Eric: Well, it’s impossible to know. I do get the distinct impression that when he says he calls up the editor of the Daily Prophet, who will always take his call just to hear his opinion on any day’s news that he wants to call… that’s BS, and that guy is tired of Slughorn calling.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: That sounds exhausting, yeah.

Eric: No, because what editor of a major paper has time for that? Absolutely none. In fact, that relationship, I can say with 100% certainty, is grating for that poor person, and because you feel like you owe this guy your time, but he keeps calling…

Andrew: And you’re hearing opinions from people within the newsroom every day about the news of the day. That’s your job.

Eric: Yeah, let him do his job, man! But what I find endearing is I actually do totally believe Slughorn… this is where he finds his joy. He’s really proud of these relationships.

Andrew: He’s a people person!

Eric: Yeah, he’s really proud of his top ten lists of all of his friends.

Andrew: Yeah, I do think that these people he surrounds himself with do enjoy Slughorn’s company. He can just get along with any person that he wants. Will he get a little grating sometimes? Sure, I can imagine that happening. But I think these people like to be with him, because otherwise, I do think they would shut him out permanently.

Eric: Well, and there is… it’s a truism in life; it’s a fact of life that it is who you know, in some cases, that get you these types of prime positions that Slughorn offers. And so there’s… Slughorn really is offering a concrete kind of social status that is a class above… we’re going to get into this when it happens later in the book, but I think that the reason he has so many contacts still is because people are actually also genuinely grateful for knowing him.

Micah: He’s really one of the first – and maybe only, in these books – Slytherin who we see willingly branch out beyond the comforts of his own House, because he wants the best of the best, right? Regardless of what House they’re in or what their blood status may be. And I just think that… I think he talks a good game. I think he’s married to fame. We don’t know much about his personal life, whether or not he has a partner or children or anything of that sort, and I would likely assume that he doesn’t, because I think the most important thing to him is that web of influence. It is the Slug Club, both those that join it in this book and those who are alumni of it, that he constantly taps into. Now, in terms of how much he’s fluffing this up, I’m not sure. I could totally see all of it being true. But I like what you said earlier, Eric, about the editor just getting so annoyed by Slughorn’s calls.

Eric: He has to, yeah. But think about this, too, is that Slughorn is trying to maybe impress Harry, or show Harry how connected he is, so these are the examples he gives. And it’s nice that you can kind of see maybe that it isn’t all super peachy, only mostly peachy. But Slughorn at his core is a teacher who… I think those who should be teachers are the ones that would give it away for free without any kind of expectation of something in return, and Slughorn is not that kind of character, right? So the instilling knowledge in others… Slughorn chooses to be a teacher because of what it’s going to give him maybe in the end, other than the satisfaction of having instructed people. So it’s just a different type of person that it is capable, possible, to be.

Andrew: Make the real life connection: Do y’all have somebody who maybe calls you too much, texts you too much? I have an uncle like this who I wish would never call me.

Eric: Oh.

Andrew: He’s calling me for tech help. I’m like, “You have three children younger than me who can help you with your Apple problems. Why are you coming to me for this?” [laughs]

Laura: He just misses you.

Andrew: That’s probably what it is. But come on, I don’t need this. Talk to your kids about how to…

Eric: So Andrew, should I not call you for tech help all the time? We speak at least three times a week…

Andrew: No!

Laura: In Harry’s conversation with Slughorn – because of course, at this point, this is when Dumbledore has conveniently excused himself to the bathroom to go read about knitting patterns – Slughorn proceeds to tell Harry that Harry’s mother was actually one of his favorite students, and she herself was a member of the Slug Club. And he ventures this opinion that he was shocked at learning that she was Muggle-born, because she was so good, he’d have assumed she would have been pure-blood, and this is where we really get to see how Slughorn’s need to collect top talent outweighs his casual bigotry. Because to him, it’s like, “Well, yeah, she’s Muggle-born, but she’s really, really good, so that kind of cancels out her being Muggle-born, right?”

Andrew: [laughs] So no problem.

Laura: And Harry is like, “Hey, my best friend is Muggle-born, and she’s the best in our year,” and Slughorn is just like, “Huh, funny how that happens sometimes!”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: “I guess she’s one of the good ones!”

Laura: That’s basically what this is. And I really do love how this aspect of his character is reflected. I think a lot of times in these books, we think of the most bold and overt examples of bigotry…

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Laura: … but the reality is – in this series, but also in real life – that many otherwise well-meaning people carry these biases, oftentimes unconsciously. Just adds a different, unsettling layer of interpretation to all of this.

Eric: Here’s a red flag/rule of thumb that I’ve picked up over the last, let’s say, ten years in the real world: If you have to start a sentence with “You mustn’t think I’m prejudiced, but..” you’re lost. It’s too late. It’s too late. You’re gone.

Andrew: Right. “I’m not racist, but…”

Eric: “Not to be racist…” or “I know this sounds bad, but…”

Andrew: “I don’t see color, but…”

Eric: Yeah, you’ve lost the plot there a little bit. Maybe rephrase.

Andrew: I think it just demonstrates a lack of self-awareness that Slughorn carries as well. He’s talking about Harry’s deceased mother and not realizing the bigotry.

Eric: Well, that’s funny, because he thinks he’s relating to Harry, and instead he’s turning Harry off from him, and his foot is firmly in his own mouth here.

Micah: Well, it starts when he’s talking about Sirius and he just doesn’t have the context to the Harry/Sirius relationship. And then there’s also the comment about wanting the set of him and Regulus, and he never ended up getting Regulus – important name drop, right? That he’s included as early on in Half-Blood Prince as he is. But yeah, it’s just… there’s something very sleazy that comes across about Slughorn and his character, and I wonder… we don’t necessarily get it as much, because I feel like there’s a softer side in the movies with Jim Broadbent’s portrayal of Slughorn, where he’s almost kind of just like this… I don’t know. He’s more of a lovable character.

Eric: He looks like he’d be soft to sit on, just like the couch version of him was soft to sit on.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Micah: But yeah, I feel like Broadbent’s portrayal of Slughorn… the Slytherin doesn’t come through as much as it does in the books.

Eric: Well, and to put a cap on that, this whole scene where he’s talking to Harry about his mom and Mudbloods – or sorry, Muggle-borns – being talented reminds me of the conversation in year one with Draco Malfoy. “You don’t want to be making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there. Shake my hand, Potter.” And Harry doesn’t touch it! Harry doesn’t want anything to do with this Slytherin view of the world that Draco and now Horace Slughorn are shown to embody.

Micah: Yeah. Well, and one other fun fact that we learned earlier this week is that in the new audiobooks, Horace Slughorn is going to be played by Bill Nighy, so definitely a conflict of character there going from Scrimgeour to Slughorn.

Laura: Yeah. I’ll be interested to see his portrayal, because I do agree; I think the Slughorn that we got in the films was a softer Slughorn. I mean, I liked it; I thought Jim Broadbent was brilliant, but he was a good deal more likable in the movies than he was in the books. Is that fair to say?

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Eric: Yeah, and I like him in the books, but yeah, there’s this distinct tone of… I want it to – in the eventual HBO Max series, too – I want it to sit and be uncomfortable, because that is where you show the full breadth and width of these deep characters in this series, and the ones that are especially gray. We need to spend some time in that discomfort and figure out if we even like this guy. Harry is not sure.

Andrew: And a little clarification for our audience: When we say Bill Nighy, we do not mean the Science Guy. We mean Bill Nighy, who was in the movies.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: [imitating Bill Nighy as Scrimgeour] “These are dark times, there is no denying it.”

Andrew: [to the tune of the Bill Nye the Science Guy theme song] “Slug, Slug, Slug, Slug!”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Bill Nighy… as Horace Slughorn.

Laura: Amazing. Well, before we wrap up the chapter here, I did just want to pose the question: I think it’s really easy to look at the Slug Club and kind of be dismissive of it, think it’s unfair. But is it really such a bad thing in principle? In real life, we have academic societies and fraternities, professional networking. We have all of these things, and oftentimes… at the very least at a collegiate level, oftentimes there are professors who are the sponsors of these things. So is it really that unusual?

Andrew: The problem to me is that this is a teacher running the organization. This is his group, his club. Yes, teachers will run or help run clubs at schools, but this is the Slug Club. This is like either you’re cool enough to be pals with one of the professors, or you’re not. I just think it’s so blatant with how he’s playing favorites, and if I were a student at the school and I wasn’t invited into the Slug Club, but people I knew were, or just seeing the club and seeing who’s on the list, it’d make me feel insecure and like I’m less than these other students.

Eric: Yeah, that’s 100% it. And I appreciate that in this book, we see people get jilted about it. Ginny is not involved until she’s witnessed by Slughorn. Hermione is pissed. Ron is upset, but… oh well, think that’s the right call. But to your point, Andrew, with Slughorn being at the center of it all, when I was in my one year of undergrad in Chicago, the school that I was at was very much making a point to have professors that worked in the field they teach, right? So when the time came and when it was… the reason for that is that they have an in or can actually speak to experience. Now, Slughorn has a network of people, but he himself has not been wherever he’s sending his students. The purpose of the Slug Club… like you said, it’s his club, and everyone knows it. It’s all about Sluggy. It’s all about Horace.

Andrew: It’s in the name!

Micah: Sluggy-bear.

Eric: Yeah. I mean, if you had a name like that, the best thing you could possibly do with it is make a Slug Club.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It’s pretty neat.

Micah: I don’t really have any issue with it.

Andrew: Wow.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: I really like the fact that he is building a network of Hogwarts alumni. All schools have alumni networks, and…

Andrew: Alumni, but the Slug Club is actively happening within the school, too.

Micah: Yeah, but he’s curating it for when they graduate Hogwarts.

Andrew: You’re just saying this because you’re in the Slug Club.

Micah: He’s thinking about their careers much more than any other professor is.

Eric: Micah thinks he’s going to make it in the Slug Club. Boy, do we have news for him.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, is this your audition?

Micah: These things exist.

Laura: I mean, there genuinely are academic societies for high-performing students to network in.

Andrew: Oh, I wouldn’t know. [laughs]

Micah: Exactly.

Laura: I’m not saying whether or not that’s fair, but it is a thing.

Micah: As Ravenclaws, Laura and I would find ourselves invited by Professor Slughorn.

Andrew: Spoken like a true Slug Club member.

Micah: You’re in his House! You’ve got to get an in somehow, Andrew.

Andrew: [laughs] I don’t want it!

Eric: To settle this part of the discussion, it’s Dumbledore himself that tells Harry that Horace really does have a knack for picking the students that will excel at whatever it is that he puts them into. And sure, some of that is like, had he given someone else a shot, could they be just as good? We’ll never know. But for the most part, Dumbledore is giving Horace, who he is annoyed with right now, credit for actually having some level of talent in his curating. As creepy or as bad as it feels or seems to collect people and all the ways in which it’s characterized as not being a good thing – and Horace is a giant spider and all of this other stuff – he still ultimately is getting people to find success, helping students find success.

Laura: Yeah, helping them make connections in the real world and everything too. Well, Dumbledore dangles Harry – the crown jewel, as he says he would be – in front of Slughorn just long enough to waltz out of the bathroom and say, “You know what, Horace? I know a lost cause when I see one.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: “So you have fun breaking into Muggle homes for the foreseeable future, and we’ll just be on our way.” And of course, Slughorn breaks, and he’s like, “Okay, fine, Dumbledore, I’ll go. But I want a raise!”

Andrew: [laughs] I love that line.

Laura: And that’s where we leave him. Hey, you know? He knows what he’s worth.

Andrew: Dumbledore played him like a fiddle.

Laura: You’ve got to give it to him.


Odds & Ends


Andrew: And we do have some Dumbledore-related odds and ends.

Laura: I was going to say, you want to kick us off with those?

Andrew: Sure! Let’s start by praising Dumbledore.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: He shines at the end of the chapter here. We didn’t discuss it today; we don’t need to, but confronting Harry over the loss of Sirius, encouraging Harry to tell Ron and Hermione about the prophecy so that he’s not alone in his thoughts and feelings, and then telling Harry he’ll be teaching him some lessons this year. And I love this line: Harry is like, “What are you going to be teaching me?” And Dumbledore is like, “Oh, a little of this, a little of that.”

Micah: “I’ll teach you how to knit and make raspberry jam.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: It’s home economics with Albus Dumbledore.

Andrew: Really two great chapters for Dumbledore in a row.

Eric and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: I agree with that. We talked about Dumbledore’s hand earlier, and it does – at least, by my count – get mentioned directly or indirectly four times in this chapter, so we’re meant to be paying attention to what’s going on with Dumbledore’s hand. And then one other thing: Dumbledore alludes to Harry still taking Potions in this shady shed convo that’s going down, because he says to him… because Harry is very hopeful about the fact that he’s not going to have to deal with Professor Snape, both for Occlumency lessons and potentially for Potions, to which Dumbledore says, “Don’t count your owls before they are delivered.” So that’s a little tip of the cap.

Eric: [laughs] Dumbledore has peeked at Harry’s test results.

Micah: Right.

Laura: Well, and he also knows that Slughorn doesn’t have as strict standards for Potions as Snape did.

Micah: Exactly. But we don’t know at this time that Slughorn is going to be taking over that post.

Laura: Yeah. Well, and I love that you pointed out all of the mentions of Dumbledore’s hand, Micah, because there is one point where he makes kind of an exaggerated gesture of showing off the hand, the injured hand that also has the ring on it, and Slughorn definitely takes notice of that ring.

Andrew: [laughs] “Oohoo!”

Eric: Pretty interesting.

Micah: Yeah, good call.

Eric: It was a Horcrux.

Laura: Yep.


Superlative of the Week


Laura: All right, well, now we’re going to get into our MVP of the Week. This week’s: best perk Slughorn gets from his Slug Club alumni.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: The Quidditch tickets! That’d be so much fun to get tickets to games that you want to attend.

Micah: We could go together, Andrew.

Andrew: Yeah, sure.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: I’m going to hand it to crystallized pineapple. I don’t quite know what it is, but it sounds delicious. I once had a tropical drink that was put into a pineapple, like the pineapple was hollowed out and it was the cup, and it was delicious.

Micah: I wonder if it’s just dried pineapple.

Laura: I think it’s just candied pineapple, yeah.

Eric: Oh.

Andrew: Y’all are going to want to make friends with somebody who responded to the Lynx Line in a couple minutes. You’ll see them talking about…

Eric and Laura: Ooh.

Micah: I’ll back you up, though, Eric; I’ll go for the hamper of sweets that Slughorn says he gets from Honeydukes, and the reason why is I looked this up: “hamper” is high end.

Eric: Oooh.

Micah: This is high quality candy that he’s receiving. He’s not just getting the stuff that the other Hogwarts students pick up on their trips to Hogsmeade.

Eric: That’s funny because in the US, “hamper” is where you put your dirty laundry.

Micah: I know.

Laura: I was imagining a laundry hamper full of sweets. I was like, “Oh, they’re just sending him a lot of candy, okay.”

Eric: Just a rucksack. A bindle.

Laura: [laughs] And I’m going to go for that Gringotts insider knowledge. I’m sorry; money doesn’t buy happiness, but it doesn’t hurt. That’s all I’m saying.

[Andrew laughs]


Lynx Line


Laura: All right, now we’re going to get into our Lynx Line. MuggleCast listeners who are Slug Club members – the very special Slug Club members, as we spent so much time talking about today – over at Patreon.com/MuggleCast have answered this week’s question, which is: Tell us about a talent or accomplishment that would get you recruited to the Slug Club. We wanted everyone to brag on themselves this week.

Eric: This is honestly one of my absolute favorite Lynx Lines that we’ve ever done.

Laura: Aww.

Andrew: It’s too perfect.

Eric: It’s just so inspired, and it’s like, talk yourself up. What an opportunity.

Andrew: Matthew said, “I make cakes that look like things that aren’t cake. Perhaps I am cake, too. Slughorn would never know.”

Eric: If so, this is the first time we’ve read cake’s message to us on the show, for sure. Zachary says, “I think Slughorn would have me as the caterer for his events, rather than the house-elves. I’d bring a variety of Texas-style barbecue of smoked sausage, ribs, and brisket, along with cheesecakes made to his requests.” Zachary, if you are for hire, let us know. That sounds delicious.

Micah: Susan says, “I have made a few good cosplays and props over the years. Slughorn would be impressed with how convincing I was able to create a railgun out of a Nerf gun, foam, and paint with an impressive Zagreus cosplay (from the franchise Hades.)” Hopefully I said that correct.

Laura: Very cool. Oh, this is for you, Eric. Leah says, “I make small batch crystallized pineapple and pair it with candied ginger and chocolate honeycomb.” Oooh.

Eric: Okay, this sounds delectable, and I…

Laura: Leah, I’m going to need a hamper of that.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: Leah, please tell me that it’s actually delicious, and not… I’ve been burned before on Turkish delight…

Laura: Oh, no, Turkish delight is disgusting.

Eric: … so if it’s something I read in a book and it’s actually good, I’m excited.

Andrew: Rachel kept it simple. She said, “I’m really good at untying knots.”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: That’s a cool talent. With your tongue?

Laura: Hey, comes in handy.

Eric: That’s very useful. If you rescue someone who’s tied up on a boat or a train track, who’s also in the Slug Club, they could be like, “Hey, come join. You’re really good at that.” Jessie says, “Are you kidding me? Of course Ol’ Sluggy would want me in the Slug Club! I’m famous! No big deal, but I’m kind of big name… I played Villager #8 in my high school’s production of the musical Beauty and the Beast.”

Micah: Wow.

Eric: I love that. Are you sure you don’t play Gaston, Jessie? Because you’ve got the right temperament for it.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Robert said he would offer Slughorn “a free physical gift each year, and the opportunity to cohost MuggleCast! (And, of course, a monthly Floo hangout.)”

Andrew: He created our Slug Club! Get it? Well done, Robert.

Eric: I love that.

Andrew: The Lynx Line is a great way to have your voice heard on the show, whether or not you’re listening live. We ask a new question every week, so become a member of our community today by going to Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and receiving this and many more benefits, like bonus MuggleCast. If you have feedback about today’s episode, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, and next week, Chapter by Chapter continues with Half-Blood Prince Chapter 5, “An Excess of Phlegm.” And this was just coming up in our Discord live chat right now, so I’ll also add next week we will be able to offer a review of the first full cast Harry Potter audiobook. We got a review copy from Audible, and we’ve been able to dive into it, and we’re excited to share our thoughts on that, so stay tuned for next week. Visit MuggleCast.com for links to our social media, Patreon, transcripts, our favorite episodes, and a lot more. And if you’re looking for more podcasting from the four of us, listen to our other shows, Millennial and What the Hype?!, for more pop culture and real world talk.


Quizzitch


Andrew: Now it’s time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question: Upon his death, the famous playwright William Shakespeare left most of his property and fortune to his daughter, Susannah. However, he did leave something to his wife, whose name was Ann Hathaway. What did Shakespeare will to Ann Hathaway? The correct answer – and this is a very interesting case of last will and testament – the correct answer: his second best bed. I don’t know what that says about his relationship with his wife.

Laura: Oof.

Eric: Nevertheless, 46% of people did not look this up, which is very impressive. And correct answers were submitted by Ashley B.; Elvis Dumbledore; Eye of Newt, Toe of Frog; Hathaway-Hath-thy-Way; Janie Six Seven; Julie Anne Fae; Smiley Fries, Smiley Fries; Somebody showing up at Micah’s at 3:00 p.m.; Tangled Yarn; Tofu Tom; Very Best Bort; WallySaurus; and We Are Such Stuff as Dreams Are Made On. Okay, thanks to everyone who submitted. Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: This one’s about knitting! There are two basic kinds of stitches in knitting. The first is called a knit. What’s the second called? Hopefully more people know this without looking it up. Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form located on the MuggleCast website. MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch is a way to go directly to that page, or if you happen to be on our website – maybe you’re checking out transcripts, or our must-listens page, or any other cool thing that happens to be on there – click on “Quizzitch” from the nav bar at the top.

Andrew: Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everyone!

Laura and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #725

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #725, Privet Drive Revenge Tour (HBP Chapter 3, ‘Will and Won’t’)


Cold Open


Andrew: Micah, I think you would be pissed if somebody showed up at 11:00 p.m. I would too.

Micah: I’d be pissed if somebody showed up at 3:00 p.m.

[Everyone laughs]

Meg: Me too!

Andrew: Unannounced?

Eric: Micah hates people, you all.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: And I’m Micah.

Andrew: And we’re your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books and the movies and the upcoming TV show, so make sure you press that follow button in your podcast app, and you’ll never miss a week with your Harry Potter friends. And this week, pull up an armchair and have a glass of Madam Rosmerta’s finest oak-matured mead, because Chapter by Chapter continues with Chapter 3 of Half-Blood Prince, “Will and Won’t.” That was a long one. And also helping us with today’s discussion is Meg! Welcome back to the show, Meg.

Meg Scott: Hello! Thank you.

Andrew: It’s a pleasure to have you here.

Meg: Happy to be back.

Andrew: You and Eric are wearing matching MuggleCast 15th Anniversary T-shirts. Looking good.

Meg: That’s right. We did not plan this, or at least I did not plan this.

Eric: This is not… yeah, we’ve reached the stage of coupling where we just wear the same thing, and…

Andrew: That’s adorable.

Eric: It’s cool. I’m okay with it.

Andrew: Yeah. I’m wearing my Harry Potter: Wizards Unite shirt. Everybody remember that? [laughs]

Eric: The one that you got at the live event in Indianapolis?

Andrew: That’s right, that’s right.

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: It still fits me, thank goodness. But the color is similar to your shirt, Eric and Meg.

Eric: Yeah, we got the blue memo.

Andrew: Yeah, we’re feeling blue today, and Micah is feeling Gryffindor red. That’s fine. He’s a Gryffindor at heart; we all know this.

Micah: Eh.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Okay.

Micah: You tried. Well done.

Andrew: Well, listeners, if you love MuggleCast and want to help keep this show as clean as Aunt Petunia’s kitchen, we invite you to become a member of our community at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. And by supporting us, you can get instant access to two bonus episodes of MuggleCast every month, plus ad-free episodes, access to our livestreams, a personal video message from one of the MuggleCasters, a physical gift delivered by owl each year, and more. And speaking of physical gifts – Eric and I have them right now – the MuggleCast 20th Anniversary Yearbook. These all went out in the mail this week, so listeners who are Slug Club patrons and filled out the order form, keep a Mad-Eye out for the delivery.

Eric and Micah: Oooh.

Micah: And I heard a rumor… is it true we have the editor of the yearbook on the show this week?

Eric: Oh, yeah, the copy editor. Yes, yes.

Andrew: Meg copy edited.

Meg: Yeah, I… unless you find an error, then someone else copy edited that page.

Andrew: [laughs] Then it was Eric’s fault.

Eric: No, it is funny, and it is true. There are four typos, and I’m so sorry, everyone.

Andrew: Oh.

Micah: Are they all my name?

Andrew: Find all four typos, and we’ll send you a free month of Patreon.

Eric: We’ll send you $5 off at the merch store. Yes, absolutely.

Andrew: Well, thank you, Meg, for helping out with the yearbook.

Meg: You’re welcome. And it was great fun to do it, to read the entire story of MuggleCast, and I think it’s a superb 20th anniversary retrospective.

Andrew: It’s a one-of-a-kind item.

Eric: And the exciting thing is we’re still writing the story of MuggleCast by being here today.

Andrew: Aww. [laughs]

Eric: What will the next 20 years hold? We do not know.

Andrew: But more gifts for our patrons, that’s for sure.

Eric: That is for sure.

Andrew: So join our Patreon at Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and you can get next year’s gift. If you’re looking for other ways to support us, you can leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, you can tell a fellow Muggle about our show, and you can visit MuggleCastMerch.com to buy official gear. And a little update on the merch store: We just lowered prices on our overstock store, so visit MuggleCastMerch.com, click the overstock store link at the top, and grab something like maybe our “19 Years Later” T-shirt, or the – I almost showed off this shirt – but no, not this shirt, the shirt that Eric and Meg are both wearing tonight, the 15th Anniversary T-shirt.

Micah: Oh, come on, Andrew, sell that shirt.

Andrew: Buy the shirt off Andrew’s back.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: It’s a game-worn podcaster shirt. You podcast in it.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Sign it.

Andrew: My podcast sweat is all over it.

Eric: Yeah, don’t wash it before you put it in the mail.

Andrew: Oh…

Micah: Scent of Andrew.

[Andrew laughs]


Chapter by Chapter: Pensieve


Andrew: All right, well, without further ado, it’s time to get into Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Half-Blood Prince Chapter 3, “Will and Won’t.”

Eric: Let’s head over to the MuggleCast Pensieve and explore the time we last spoke about this chapter, which was on Episode 380 of MuggleCast, titled “Privet Drive Payoff.”

Dumbledore: What you are looking at are memories. This is the most important memory I’ve collected. It is from MuggleCast Episode 380.

[Sound of memory uncorking]

[Sound of plunging into Pensieve]

Micah: Kreacher gets sent off to the Hogwarts kitchens, so that’ll be interesting, I’m sure, later on. But what I thought would have also been pretty funny… what if Harry said he had to stay with the Dursleys?

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: “Here, Aunt Petunia, you have a willing and helpful servant to help you clean things.” Man, Kreacher would just ruin that place. He would just completely destroy it.

Andrew: Then again, if Petunia was allowed to control Kreacher, maybe she would actually come to like him.

[Sound of exiting Pensieve]

Dumbledore: This memory is everything.

Andrew: That would be some bad vibes in that house, Kreacher and the Dursleys coexisting.

Eric: More than usual.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Micah: So much like the previous chapter, “Spinner’s End,” the title of this chapter, you could make the argument, has multiple meanings. Because I was just looking at it; I said, “‘Will and Won’t’? That’s pretty lazy.”

Andrew: Honestly, I don’t get this chapter title. I don’t like this at all. This was a lazy chapter title.

Eric: I was in the same boat until Meg explained it to me earlier in the week. Meg, would you take it away?

Meg: I feel like so many people don’t understand it, and it’s like, well, it’s about the reading of Sirius’s will, and you have Kreacher saying “won’t,” which is the opposite of the other definition of “will.” And yeah, it’s not the best chapter title, but it is kind of like, “Haha, I get it.”

Andrew: The wordplay is admirable, but it’s still just basic to me? Too simple.

Eric: Should we do an impromptu Rename the Chapter at the end of this discussion?

Andrew: At the end, maybe.

Micah: Well, what did we do last time we read this chapter? Did we have Rename the Chapter?

Eric: I’ll take a quick peek.

Meg: Yeah, go look it up.

Micah: We should take a look and read those.

Eric: Oh, we did do it. Micah, yours was “When Kreacher Met Petunia.”

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Mine was “Deal With It!”

Eric: Yeah, yeah. And I did “Angry-dore.”

Andrew: Oooh, okay.

Eric: Yeah. Ours were actually probably no better.

Andrew: I like “Angry-dore.”

Eric: I like yours as well. “Deal With It.”

Andrew: Aww.

Eric: And Micah’s is deeply straightforward.

Micah: Well, it’s a play on When Harry Met Sally.

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Micah: But anyway, Harry’s back.

Meg: Finally!

[Eric laughs]

Micah: This only took us two chapters to get here, but we finally are with Harry back on Privet Drive. He’s a little out of it, though. He’s not quite present, right, Eric?

Eric: He’s not quite conscious.

[Meg laughs]

Micah: He’s not quite conscious. Snoring a little bit.

Eric: It’s funny because there’s now this trend from Book 5 and Book 6, where the book opens on Harry, or the chapter that opens with Harry opens with Harry in a compromising position. Last year, if you remember, he’s in a flower bed. He’s hiding, trying to listen, eavesdrop onto the news to pick stuff up. It’s just Harry is in a hydrangea bush or whatever. Now he’s sitting in his bedroom, he is snoring loudly, and he had “fallen asleep with one side of his face pressed against the cold windowpane, his glasses askew and his mouth wide open.” This is a very undignified position for the Chosen One, our hero, Harry, to be found in. And I’ve got to say, I like it, because it reminds me of being 16 and not caring how I fell asleep or what I looked like to anybody.

Micah: He’s had a year, too! I mean, give him a break. He just got back from the Ministry where he was fighting with Death Eaters and Voldemort.

Eric: Yeah, I was going to give him crap about his dirty room, but you’re right, he’s probably been a little depressed lately.

Micah: He’s a teenager, too. Messy room.

Andrew: But I think these descriptions that we see more than once of Harry in the openings of these books is a very purposeful juxtaposition. This is one of the most important wizards of our time, and yet he’s just like us. He snores too. He hangs out in the flower bed, just like any other average witch or wizard might.

Meg: Well, and especially after the first two chapters of this book, which don’t feature Harry, just discussion of him.

Andrew: Yes.

Meg: Like Fudge showing up to tell the Muggle Prime Minister, “This boy, Harry Potter, has defeated the Dark Lord, so don’t worry about him.” And then Rufus Scrimgeour showing up and saying, “Yeah, we’re trying to get Harry Potter on our side.” And then it’s like, da-da-da! Here we finally meet him and he’s… sleeping on the window. Although, in the previous chapter, Snape did say something about Harry scarcely even belonging at Hogwarts, and it’s like, if Snape could see him now.

[Eric and Meg laugh]

Micah: What we do get at the very start of the chapter is a look at some of the headlines that are strewn around Harry’s room. There’s a bunch of newspaper clippings, and one of them mentions the new Minister for Magic, who we met just a couple of chapters ago in Rufus Scrimgeour, and he’s got a beef already with Dumbledore.

Eric: That was quick.

Micah: And it’s been about five minutes that good old Rufus has been Minister for Magic, and he’s already butting heads with Dumbledore. But Eric, there’s a reason why, right?

Eric: Yeah. I think this is… I think it’s pretty safe to suggest that – Meg mentioned this a moment earlier – but in Chapter 1 of this book, Fudge talked about Harry and how they’re trying to… or they have this idea to recruit him. This is a quote from Chapter 1, “The Other Minister”: “I’ve been writing to Dumbledore twice a day for the past fortnight, but he won’t budge. If he’d just been prepared to persuade the boy, I might still be…” And I take that to mean he wants to persuade the boy to basically be the face of the Ministry’s efforts to track Voldemort. It’s exactly the stuff that Scrimgeour eventually asks Harry to do when he comes to deliver the will and testament of Dumbledore at the beginning of the next book. So what’s interesting to me is Scrimgeour does not have a different idea. Scrimgeour wants the same thing; they want Harry to be their spokesperson. And it seems like from this point all the way to this time next year – all the way till next summer – they don’t get a better idea. There’s no better idea to save face.

Andrew: Yeah, it seems to me Dumbledore doesn’t have the patience right now for another new Minister entering the picture, and he especially doesn’t have the patience when it seems like it’s more of the same so far. He wants to take matters into his own hands. He doesn’t want Harry to be their pawn.

Eric: Right, and Harry, even if he was asked, wouldn’t do it.

Meg: Is it a little bit hypocritical of Dumbledore to be saying this when Dumbledore kind of uses Harry as a pawn? It’s almost like Dumbledore is saying to the Ministry, “No, Harry is my chess piece,” which… there is the care there between Dumbledore and Harry, and there’s not that between Harry and the Ministry, so there’s that difference, but…

Micah: Especially after how Dumbledore treated Harry all throughout Order of the Phoenix. And it’s worth noting that Harry is awaiting Dumbledore’s arrival this evening when we are in his bedroom, and he’s somewhat actually unsure as to whether or not Dumbledore is actually going to show up.

Andrew: And I think the difference between Dumbledore asking help of Harry versus the Ministry is that Dumbledore has a close relationship with Harry. Dumbledore isn’t looking to parade him out on stage and have him talk; they’re working behind the scenes.

Meg: Dumbledore also didn’t spend a year smearing Harry’s name.

Andrew: Right.

Eric: No, he spent a year ignoring Harry completely when he needed him the most.

Andrew: And Dumbledore has Harry’s best interests at heart as well. The Ministry does not.

Micah: Maybe.

Meg: For the most part.

Eric: At least, they believe that.

Andrew: You might be able to debate that, but more than the Ministry.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: The Ministry cares less about Harry than Dumbledore does.

Eric: Yeah, that’s fair.

Micah: They’re looking for a figurehead. They’re looking for somebody for the wizarding world to really rally behind.

Eric: Well, right, and Scrimgeour is this accomplished Auror who got the role for very obvious, according to the Muggle Prime Minister, reasons. He’s a fighter. He’s the Head of Magical Law Enforcement, or the Auror Department at the Head of Magical Law Enforcement. So I feel like this guy surely could come up with some level of something in the absence of Harry’s participation. But something that we see from Scrimgeour is, I think, just a fundamental inability to actually deal with this kind of thing. I mean, Scrimgeour, unfortunately, is killed shortly after he meets with Harry next year, and he wasn’t able to prevent a full-on Death Eater takeover of the Ministry or anything. In fact, he probably just slowed Voldemort slightly. And so it’s a shame, because what appears to be a very competent Minister for Magic, and an accomplished Dark wizard fighter/catcher/whatever, does not necessarily make a good politician, or somebody who’s going to be able to really actually meet the moment, unfortunately. So I don’t think things would have changed much if Dumbledore had allowed Harry to be the spokesperson, and if Harry had said yes, then I still don’t think things would have changed for the Ministry, unfortunately. And in fact, they would have tried less hard to actually warn the wizarding public and do their real jobs if they had Harry backing them.

Micah: Goes beyond that, though, because I think they want insight into how to go about destroying Voldemort, and Dumbledore is not about to share that information with them.

Eric: I think that’s right, too.

Micah: So that’s a big piece of this. But I also think that Scrimgeour got put into a situation that is just too big for him to handle in this particular moment. He’s stepping into an impossible situation, and he’s probably trying to tie up as many loose ends as he can, and he figures, “Okay, well, if Fudge couldn’t get Dumbledore to budge on Harry, maybe I can,” but it’s clear that doesn’t work either. And there’s plenty of other things that he needs to put his attention towards.

Eric: Yeah. Look, that’s fair. I think it’s safe to say that the situation that Scrimgeour inherited now is based on and due to, 100%, Fudge’s 16 years of incompetent reign and not actually preparing for Voldemort’s return in any way, shape, or form.

Meg: It might also have something to do with just the nature that it takes to be a politician. The type of person who would be saying, “No, let’s not get this teenage boy involved here; let’s let him live his life,” is maybe not the same type of person who would say, “Yes, I will be the new Minister for Magic.”

Eric: That makes a lot of sense. Because it’s very transactional. Politics is transactional; it’s like, “What does this side want? What does this side want? What do we need? What would be good for the public?” That kind of just different skillset.

Micah: Speaking of the Ministry, one of the pieces of information that we get that is on Harry’s floor is “Protecting Your Home and Family Against the Dark Forces,” and this is a list of to-do’s, basically. And I’m wondering what do we make of this guidance to the wizarding community to protect them from Death Eaters?

Andrew: It’s really scary, and obviously too little too late. I mean, two of the things that they lead off with: first of all, “Don’t leave the house alone,” and then “Don’t be outside after dark”? I mean, this is a terrifying situation to be in, based on those alone. And I would think the wizarding population is pissed that their government let things get this bad where they can’t even live their everyday lives at this point without worrying about a Death Eater or Dementor or…

Eric: Right, all of a sudden, not only is he back, but it’s bad immediately. All the wizarding clubs are closed…

Andrew: Yeah. “Oh, it’s real, and it’s been happening, and maybe we should have sent you these guidelines sooner, actually, because bad stuff has been happening for a while.”

Eric: Yeah. I mean, the second best time for them to send this is now, but the first was literally anytime before this. I do think, though, it’s good they did something. I don’t find fault with any of the tips, particularly, and especially the first one, for instance, which is terrifying to read. “Don’t go alone anywhere” is ultimately good advice. The buddy system, right? So no matter who, if somebody’s looking to attack you, then they’re facing two wizards instead of one. That seems like sound advice. And unfortunately, the Ministry is having to play catch up, because the Minister wouldn’t allow the possibility to acknowledge Voldemort’s existence sooner. So it’s going to seem like a lot at first, because they’re trying to cover lost ground.

Micah: Right. And I would even say, scarier than those first two is “Have security questions for the people who are closest to you, just in case they’re taking Polyjuice Potion.” Or “Hey, if your family member or friend is acting a little weird, you may want to check and make sure they’re not under the Imperius Curse,” right?

Andrew: Right.

Eric: Maybe they’re just under high stress because Voldemort is back! [laughs]

Andrew: Well, yeah. I mean, but that’s a great point, too, Micah, because you can’t even trust the people closest to you, is what the Ministry is saying.

Meg: These tips do kind of go from 0 to 100. By the end, it’s like, “By the way, there might be zombies. Look out.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Oh, yeah! You know what? Yeah, during the discussion of this, I think I’ve seen the other side of what you guys are talking about. Reading this would be actually really terrifying to see for the first time, because all these possibilities that you wouldn’t necessarily be thinking about are covered.

Andrew: Wait, wait, I’m realizing something. We sent a memo earlier this week saying the panel must be wearing blue today, and Micah is the only one wearing red. Micah, are you a Death Eater?! Are you a Death Eater?!

Micah: Do you see the little blue line there?

Andrew: He’s a Death Eater. Eject. Eject from the conference call. [laughs]

Micah: All right, enjoy the rest of the episode, everybody. I’m out.

Eric: This reminds me of when we played the Harry Potter trivia game, which is a bonus on the Patreon.

Meg: Oh, yeah.

Eric: There was a secret Dark Mark tattoo, I think, that Micah was wearing.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Oh, that’s right. I still have it.

Meg: Micah was acting shady that entire game, and then that big reveal.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: I don’t know what you mean, “fake tattoo.” That thing is still there. But one interesting thing I found when doing a little bit of prep for this chapter was I came across somebody who talked about how the Ministry’s guidelines are, in fact, unclear, and they do more to incite fear than to ensure safety, and giving the timing of Half-Blood Prince, that Rowling’s portrayal of a paranoid and fear-driven government may actually reflect her perspective of the US and UK governments and what they did following the events of 9/11. And I’m curious: Any thoughts there?

Eric: It’s possible. I was 13 for 9/11, but one area that I think I’d like to read about more or experience is that kind of, “What’s going to happen?” Our nation was under attack, and the response in many cases can be as terrifying as the initial incident, plunging the US into the war. So I think it’s certainly possible that these were the themes that the author was pulling from.

Micah: And just to kind of wrap up this section, I do think it’s nice that Fudge mentioned these guidelines back in the first chapter, and we already get the payoff for them in this chapter, and we get to actually see what they are. So he’s not just all talk; the Ministry did actually send out leaflets to the wizarding community.

Eric: Yeah. I mean, it wasn’t Fudge that did this…

Andrew: See? That’s a man you can count on.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Well, speaking of a man you can’t count on, Dumbledore.

Eric: Oh.

Micah: We were talking a little bit about this earlier; Harry just is unsure whether or not Dumbledore is going to be showing up. He had written Harry saying that he would call on him at 11 o’clock, which we’re going to talk about in a little bit, because my man’s showing up way too late. [laughs] I get the whole under the cover of darkness thing, but you know what? I know you don’t like the Dursleys; be a little respectful showing up at their doorstep at 11 o’clock at night.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But wait a minute, Dumbledore is completely disregarding the Ministry’s guidelines of “Don’t go anywhere alone at night”!

Micah: I think if anybody could go alone, it’s him.

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Andrew: I also think he’s going to be the last person to listen to the Ministry when the Ministry wasn’t listening to him. But maybe he also wanted to catch the Dursleys off guard by showing up so late, because as we see before long, he starts really verbally taking them down, and by showing up late, they’re going to be even more unprepared than they may have been earlier in the day.

Meg: But what if they’d been asleep?

Micah: That’s a great question.

Andrew: Well, should we just get to that? Let’s just address this now. So first of all, I just want to say, Micah, I think you would be pissed if somebody showed up at 11:00 p.m. I would too.

Micah: I’d be pissed if somebody showed up at 3:00 p.m.

[Everyone laughs]

Meg: Me too!

Andrew: Unannounced?

Eric: Micah hates people, you all.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: No, this was kind of unbelievable to me that he would show up so late. I don’t really actually get the logic behind it. And I think maybe as kids, when we were reading this for the first time, it may have went over our heads; we may have been staying up late anyway.

Eric: Didn’t cross my mind at all.

Andrew: But now? Andrew’s in bed by 9:30/10:00.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: He’s reading in bed by 8:30 and then hopefully asleep by 9:30, so if Dumbledore showed up at 11:00 p.m., I’d be like, “I did not issue a booty call, so what are you doing here?” [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, if you’re showing up at 11:00, you’re waiting on the porch until 6:30 or 7:00 the next morning.

Andrew: Right, yeah.

Micah: Let’s talk about Dudley too. What is Dudley doing up at 11:00 p.m. on a Thursday night?

Eric: Well, Dudley is the one that it makes sense for, because again, as a teenager, I was always up.

Meg: Yeah, if I were a teenager… my parents would be asleep, though.

Micah: It’s the summertime, right? Okay, I can give him a hall pass.

Eric: Yeah, maybe Dudley works for a website where he contributes news content.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That’s what I was doing.

Andrew: DudleyNet.com. I think, Micah, you bring up a good point about Dudley, because we already know that the Dursleys seriously neglect him, so for him to be staying up so late would also track with their neglect, as Dumbledore brings up.

Micah: We also have Aunt Petunia, who is deep cleaning the kitchen at that time, so she’s definitely…

Andrew: [laughs] What is this?

Eric: Perfect timing.

Meg: I mean, that’s when Eric and I deep clean our apartment.

Andrew: Really?

Micah: Clearly a happy marriage.

Meg: It’s usually midnight.

Eric: Well, that’s actually true. But yeah, the nightly ritual of one final finishing deep clean of the apartment, or of the house.

Micah: Let’s go back to Dumbledore’s arrival and Harry’s doubt that this is going to happen, and I wanted to know from the group, do we think that this doubt really stems from how he was treated in Order of the Phoenix?

Andrew: Yes, but it also just feels too good to be true for Harry, that Dumbledore would be bailing him out of the Dursleys’ home earlier than expected? And he gets to go to the Burrow? And then to build on that, Dumbledore is paying attention to him after what happened in Order of the Phoenix. [laughs]

Eric: You know, this is probably exactly the same imposter behavior that the Ministry is warning about. Probably somebody that’s not Dumbledore is catfishing Harry right now.

Andrew: Yeah. Well, and Harry is concerned about that, which is totally valid, given the current state of affairs. But Dumbledore is not just sending him a letter; Dumbledore is also making a personal visit. Now, he’s going to be bringing him along to visit Slughorn, so it’s not totally selfless, but Harry doesn’t know that yet, and I can see why he’s so excited and can’t believe this is real.

Meg: I think it really comes down to that one line about… Harry is like, “He could not face packing his trunk, being let down, and then having to unpack it again.” I think that is the key sentence for all of this. It’s not just that he’s been let down by Dumbledore in the past; it’s he’s constantly been let down when he’s with the Dursleys, and it would be terrible to get his hopes up and then to realize, “No, they’re dashed. I am still here.”

Micah: Andrew, you made me think of something that I hadn’t even considered, that this could have been a ploy; this could have been a fake-out, and no security questions were asked between Harry and Dumbledore.

Andrew: Yeah. Well, give Harry credit, too, because he raises this in his mind. He’s like, “Maybe this is a trick,” and after what happened in Order of the Phoenix, I can see why he would be so darn concerned. I wanted to ask everybody if they could tie Harry’s experience here with the doubt that something too good to be true is going to happen with real life experiences that we’ve had. I’m a last minute planner anyway, so I would be delaying the packing. But one way this scene resonates with me is I simply cannot believe sometimes that I’m going to be going on a unique trip. Like, “I can’t believe I’m about to go over to England. I can’t believe I’m about to do a cross country road trip. I can’t believe later this month I’m going to Florida. My nephews are going to experience Disney World for the first time.”

Micah: Uncle Andrew.

Andrew: It’s just too good to be true! Yeah, it’s just so exciting, so… [laughs] And now for a dark turn: I have convinced myself in previous occasions that there is literally no way I’m going to be experiencing these cool things, and I’m going to die beforehand.

Eric: No.

Andrew: Sorry, it’s just a weird thought that goes through my mind. It’s been proven wrong every time, for now.

Eric: Well, keep it up.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, I feel like…

Micah: Undefeated.

[Andrew and Meg laugh]

Eric: So does that thought paralyze you then, Andrew? Where you’re like, “Oh, I can’t allow myself to get excited for this, because it probably won’t happen”?

Andrew: Kind of, yeah. That’s not good, is it? I can’t let it paralyze me.

Eric: No. But I’m sure eventually you realize it is happening.

Andrew: Right.

Eric: And then you feel excitement?

Andrew: Yeah, definitely.

Eric: Yeah, I really sympathize with Harry here, the line that Meg was talking about, where it’s like, “Oh, if it turned out to be ruse or something, it would break him.” So he can’t allow it to think… the one time I can think of about, like, “This is too good to be true,” I won Bruce Springsteen tickets off of the…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: No, really.

Andrew: I believe you!

Eric: This really happened; it’s not a joke. On the radio, actual concert tickets won on the radio. This has only happened to me, I think, once, and it was the first time I saw Bruce at Wrigley Field in Chicago.

Andrew: Oh, cool.

Eric: And it was a three-hour concert, and it was totally insane. But you call the number; you have to be caller number a specific thing…

Andrew: Right.

Eric: … and every time you call, it goes straight to voicemail, or like, “Call not completed” kind of thing. The idea after the 47th or whatever time dialing the phone that instead of, “Da-da-da,” cancel out, it rings, and it’s like this old-timey echoey ring, and you’re like, “Who did I…? Did I end up accidentally calling some machine?” And then they pick up, and it’s like, “It’s WLS! How’s it going? You’re on the air,” and it’s like, “Oh!”

Andrew: Yeah, because that idea is so unlikely that you’ll actually win that you can’t even process that it’s real.

Eric: Yeah, statistically.

Meg: My connection is not exactly the same, but throughout high school, I kind of just had this… we keep going dark here, but I kind of had this idea that my life would just end after high school. Not in a really dark, fatal way, but just I thought someone else would take over after that. And so I kind of applied to colleges with the idea, “But I’m not going to be the one going to college; someone else is going to do that.” And then all of a sudden it was the night before I was going to be hitching my truck to the wagon and headed up there, and it was like, “Oh my God, wait. There is no understudy. I have to do this.”

[Micah laughs]

Meg: And it was this moment of like, “Wait, I didn’t think this was actually going to happen, and now I have to pack?” And there were a few nights the night before college when I was packing at 3:00 a.m. because I kind of had not really absorbed the feeling yet that it was real, that it was going to happen. So this reminded me of that a little bit.

Eric: I like that a lot.

Micah: Nice. Andrew, I very much… I’m in alignment with you, I think, on travel in particular. I always would get this sense of wonder when I would travel to a new state, and in particular when I would see the license plate from that state after landing in the airport.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: “I’m really here.”

Micah: Yeah, or you mentioned London; like, “Oh, I’m in London,” and I walk out of the airport, or I get into the taxi or Uber, and it’s like, “I’m on the wrong side of the road!”

Andrew: You go, [in an English accent] “‘Ello!”

Micah: You’re actually there. And it’s like you build up so much anticipation to it, and then you get on the flight, and then six/seven hours later, you’re there, and it’s like your mind almost can’t even process it.

Andrew: Yeah, because it still blows my mind how amazing air travel is, that you can fly six/seven hours and then be in a totally different part of the world. To your point, Micah, about travel, I remember the first time I went to Hawaii; it was surreal going to Hawaii, then loading up Google Maps, and just zooming out and out and out, and it’s like, “Holy crap, I’m in the middle of nowhere in the Pacific Ocean.” [laughs]

Eric: “I’m on an island!”

Andrew: Yeah. We went to Hawaii a couple of months ago; I told Pat to do that, to have the same experience that I felt, because it’s surreal. Travel is surreal sometimes.

Meg: Did he love it?

Andrew: Oh, yeah. We had a great time.

Meg: No, I mean the zooming out.

Andrew: Oh.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Yes, that too.

Eric: We don’t care about the whole trip!

[Andrew laughs]

Meg: Did he have the moment of, “Oh my God, I’m in the middle of nowhere!”

Andrew: Thank you, Google Maps.

Micah: So Dumbledore does, in fact, arrive at Privet Drive, and one thing that Harry notices upon his arrival is his hand. But Dumbledore is like, “Harry, no. Another time. We have business here with your aunt and uncle.”

Meg: Is this a Dumbledore lie? Because he never actually addresses it.

Eric: Oh, are we doing the…? Are you asking because we’re going to do the Dumbledore Lie Count?

Meg: I’m wondering if we should.

Eric: I think this is a situation where Dumbledore would have no problem really telling the truth, so I’m going to count it as not a lie.

Micah: Just under the right circumstances? Is that what you’re saying?

Eric: It never really comes up. If Harry were to bombard him with asking the question… but the lessons become so important throughout the year that it just never really… just not the right timing. As we read the book, I’ll remember, but I don’t think it’s being intentionally hidden from…

Meg: I don’t know that he ever intends to actually tell Harry face-to-face about it, but I think he does intend for Harry to know about it. I think when he’s saying, “Later, Harry,” it’s with the idea of “Someday Harry will get those memories from Snape, and then he’ll know. Then he’ll know.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Micah: And speaking of Snape, Snape makes a indirect reference to Dumbledore’s hand in “Spinner’s End,” when… I think he says something along the lines of, “He’s not as quick as he used to be.”

Eric: Yeah, his reflexes aren’t what they used to… yeah, that’s a good catch, and it shows… already we’ve mentioned a ton of inner chapter references to other things that have been referenced in the… we’re only three chapters into this book. I think what it speaks to is the tightness of this book. This book has internal consistency; it’s a lot shorter than the previous book, and it’s just zippy. I think Half-Blood Prince is my second favorite book behind Prisoner, and I think that what I love about it is coming off of a very long sort of morbid or depressing Book 5, you get a lot of this fun, and a lot of this setup and payoff connecting the threads type moments really early on, and I just think Book 6 is really tightly written, and these are some of the ways in which it is.

Micah: Well, Dumbledore, upon his arrival, is not very welcomed in by Vernon Dursley, [laughs] and it becomes apparent that Harry forgot to tell the Dursleys that Dumbledore was going to be calling on him at 11:00 p.m. on a Thursday night. And I was wondering, what if Harry had told the Dursleys that Dumbledore was going to be showing up? Would he have been received any differently?

Andrew: So I think they would have tried to block it somehow. They would have headed back to the shack on the little rock island…

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: … or they would have went to a hotel for the night, or Vernon would have made sure he had his gun on standby. He would have done something differently, I think, had he had a heads-up.

Meg: They would have been just as rude; the only thing I can think of is they would be just a little less speechless.

Andrew: Yes, Vernon would have some quips ready to go to attack Dumbledore.

Meg: He would be ready. He would have seven to ten quips planned.

Eric: I think that Harry… much as believing it or not is now explained away or understandable, the not mentioning the possibility to the Dursleys – not even out of malice, just it didn’t cross Harry’s mind to do that – is a character flaw of Harry’s. I think that it doesn’t set anyone up for a good experience, even if a good experience is impossible because of who’s coming to Privet Drive, and why and what they need to do. Okay, but Harry does no favors, and I think if I didn’t have a revenge kick against Dumbledore for his treatment of Harry, I’d feel a little bit worse for Dumbledore showing up. He wrote Harry a letter a week ago, and Harry didn’t even tell his aunt and uncle who’s coming. But then again, Dumbledore could have written to the Dursleys, too.

Micah: He has corresponded with them before, as we’re going to talk about. Well, Dumbledore is invited into the Dursley home.

[Andrew laughs]

Meg: He invites himself in.

Micah: Yeah, he more or less makes himself comfortable, and he’s really the one who observes all the niceties, because it is very hard for Petunia and Vernon in particular to even believe that this man was just standing on their doorstep and is now in their living room. [laughs] So one thing I wanted to call attention to was that as Dumbledore is going through and greeting everybody, when he gets to Petunia, he says, “And of course, we have corresponded before,” and we’re led to believe, of course, that this is the Howler that Petunia received, the “Remember my last,” but this is a little bit of a misdirect. And obviously we wouldn’t know this unless we had read Deathly Hallows, but Petunia had written to Dumbledore some time ago.

Andrew: Yeah, about going to Hogwarts.

Eric: Back when she was living near Spinner’s End.

Andrew: And at the end of this chapter, Petunia is described as being “oddly flushed” after Dumbledore depantses them. So I’m wondering if she is remembering…

Micah: Love how you used my terminology now.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: I’m slowly wearing off on Andrew.

Andrew: I like that. I like that word. I’m wondering if she’s remembering that previous correspondence that you’re referring to, Micah, that we end up learning about in Deathly Hallows, because this is kind of… to see Dumbledore, I think, could be a bit of a triggering or traumatizing moment for her. She wanted to move on from this.

Eric: Yeah, I mean, when you’re… she’s probably, in some way, regressed back to being that 10-year-old and saying, “Can’t I, oh, can’t I come to Hogwarts?” and having this grown adult say, “Sorry, no.” To then have that same adult 40 years later barge into your home and tell you what he thinks about your hospitality…

Meg: While using magic in your home. Like, “Look what you can’t do.”

Eric: That one thing that you… is a sore spot. Yeah, that’s exactly right, Meg.

Meg: Something that feels weird to read is when Dumbledore is like, “Ah, you must be Vernon, and you must be Dudley,” and you’re like, “Oh my God, Dumbledore doesn’t know what these people look like?” He’s really been so…

Micah: Oh, he knows.

Meg: But the way he has never introduced himself to these people before, and you start realizing, “Wow, Dumbledore has actually been very, very hands off.” For the role that Dumbledore had with putting Harry with the Dursleys, he really just kind of did that and then was like, “Work done.”

Eric: Yeah, you would think that he would need more control than that, too, that he would exercise more control for Harry and for himself.

Andrew: I think he’s just being a gentleman by saying… it’s kind of pleasantries, like, “You must be Vernon, you must be Petunia, nice to meet you,” that type of thing.

Micah: Yeah, but there’s an edge of sarcasm beneath all of it, I think.

Andrew: You think so? Yeah.

Micah: I mean, yeah, this is the Privet Drive revenge tour, right?

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: This is an opportunity for Dumbledore to step foot in Privet Drive, and I think probably for himself, even more so than Harry – at least for this very brief period of time – rectify what’s been done over the last almost 16 years of Harry’s life.

Eric: Well, I think he’s convinced himself that he cares for Harry, even though what he’s doing is oftentimes either wrong, harmful, or manipulative of Harry. Because he takes the Dursleys to task for it, like you’re saying; he tells them how much they’ve abused not only their own kid, but also Harry. He’s like… what does he say? “I’d hoped that you would have taken Harry, really, in as like a son, and it’s very clear you haven’t done any of that.” But Dumbledore, to your point of the Dursleys not ever having been formally introduced to him in the past, shows how hands off he’s been, shows that Dumbledore really hasn’t largely cared for Harry in a way that matters, right? And that would have made any of this easier for any of the people in this chapter. This is his first time being more hands on, because he needs Harry for this thing with Slughorn.

Micah: But this is the real opportunity, though, for Dumbledore to come face to face with the Dursleys and to give them their comeuppance. We don’t obviously get Dumbledore in the first half of Deathly Hallows, and we don’t really get the Dursleys either, right? Because it’s only a very brief period of time that they get to even spend within their own home. So this is really like the last big meeting taking place here at Privet Drive.

Andrew: Not in the movie, by the way. And they’d better Max this, because this is an excellent scene for Dumbledore.

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

Micah: Oh, yeah. It shows him in very rare form, and I think, too…

Eric: He is sinister.

Micah: Irvin mentioned this last week – and I was thinking about it as I was reading the chapter – that Dumbledore, in many ways, behaves similar to how Snape behaves towards Bellatrix in “Spinner’s End.” There’s a lot of similarities here, just with the sass that he throws out there with knocking them over into the couch so that they sit down, clanking the glasses of mead on their foreheads, and choosing just to completely ignore the fact that he’s abusing them physically.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: There’s a lot of condescension. I mean, the couch bit, where it pushes it forward, is very Simpsons for me; I’ll never not think of the Simpsons intro where the couch is always doing something crazy. But there’s condescension, there’s derision, there’s sass… it’s clear that he has absolutely no respect for them, but he’s there to… he’s the authority figure always, right? It’s not a very respectful encounter, and actually reminds me of what we were talking about in Chapter 1 discussion, which is that wizards have a very high opinion of themselves, and this could be more of just the superiority complex in general. Dumbledore often credits his own intelligence; even when talking to Harry, he’s like, “If I do say so, I’m smarter than your average wizard.” But in addition to that, he doesn’t think the Dursleys are really worth his time, and this kind of behavior goes further to show that.

Micah: That’s why I said I really think part of this is performative for Harry.

Eric: Yes.

Micah: The fact that somebody like Dumbledore can show up and make the Dursleys as uncomfortable as they are in this moment in their own home. It’s not the same as Goblet of Fire when Arthur shows up, right? Because Vernon feels he probably can at least match Arthur. But it’s even mentioned that Vernon finds Dumbledore – or at least, it seems Harry’s perception – to be intimidating. Vernon is not going to you-know-what around with Dumbledore.

Eric: No, yeah, he’s really not. But it’s so interesting because, again, Dumbledore’s attempt here to get kind of… it’s a very juvenile attempt to get on Harry’s good side by bullying his aunt and uncle. I think that Dumbledore thinks that doing this is going to ingratiate Harry to helping him on his quest, because Dumbledore is all about recruiting Horace Slughorn to come back to Hogwarts. That’s a big chess piece that he needs, because he needs the Horcrux memory to prove his own theory. So everything… this whole “I’ll pick Harry up at Privet Drive”; yeah, he’s taking him to the Burrow, that’s great for Harry, but this is all about using Harry, and I think that Dumbledore has calculated the odds of success being bigger if he makes Harry like him more, and so that’s why he shows up with this attitude. Because especially following Book 5 and everything that’s just happened with Sirius, where Harry is wrecking his office, I feel like things are still probably at an all time discomfort between Harry and Dumbledore. So when Dumbledore shows up, he does all this crap – he tells the Dursleys that they’re not being polite – it’s so that Dumbledore can curry Harry’s favor.

Meg: And he succeeds!

Andrew: Yeah, I was going to say that too.

Meg: Yeah, the next chapter starts with Harry being like, “Oh boy, I’m going on an adventure with Dumbledore!” And I think if Harry could… or even if the Dursleys could somehow be omniscient. When Dumbledore is saying, “You have abused this boy, you have not taken care of him in the way that I asked you to,” if Vernon had somehow been able to say, “Okay, and you’re planning for him to die, so which of us is the worst actually?” But I do think part of is also that it’s making Dumbledore feel a little better about himself and the role that he has played – or not played – in Harry with the Dursleys.

Micah: Exactly. So let’s talk about that a little bit. Why do we think Dumbledore waited so long to confront the Dursleys about their treatment of Harry? Because he’s aware that this has been going on ever since Harry has lived there.

Andrew: I don’t have a good excuse for this, but I think that he is mad at himself and the situation, and he’s mad that the only family he could leave Harry with were these abusive losers. And he hoped they would do better, but they didn’t, and so the depantsing happens here. I wish Dumbledore said something sooner, but maybe he also believed that they were never going to change, no matter what he said to them? And he’s probably not wrong.

Eric: Look, McGonagall warns him in Chapter 1 of Book 1.

Meg: I was just thinking that.

Andrew: “This family?” [laughs]

Meg: “The worst kind of Muggles. What are you doing?”

Eric: Yeah, she watched them for one day, and was like, “Absolutely not. This is not going to work. I’ll defer to you, Albus, but these people are awful.” But I think it makes sense. This being the first time and the last time Dumbledore interacts with the Dursleys makes sense, because more than anything, the level of protection that we know causes Voldemort to fail to catch Harry sooner is this Privet Drive magic with the blood magic with Petunia, and so because Dumbledore needed more than anything for that to be the magic that works, that protects Harry, he was willing to place Harry with these jerks. But his appearance on Privet Drive now, where he condescends and abuses them and tells them they haven’t been good to Harry, is couched with the fact that he says Harry needs to come back just once more. And so the Dursleys, who would be more than happy to be rid of Harry, are lulled into a sense of, “Oh, that doesn’t sound so bad, if our nephew only has to come back once more.”

Micah: Well, and they thought it was twice, so they’re getting a bargain.

[Andrew and Meg laugh]

Eric: Yeah, he comes of age a whole year early, everybody! But yeah, I think that if Dumbledore had this conversation with them in year three, they still would have had to put up with, I think, all of their sins with Harry for four more years, and I don’t think that would have flown. I think Dumbledore senses that this is a sensitive topic, so he’s going to pull out all the stops and really come at them, but be like, “Just FYI, he does need to come back once more.”

Andrew: Go at them hard when they only have one more opportunity in the future to treat him badly.

Eric: That’s it.

Micah: And not only come at them about Harry, but come at them about Dudley, too, which I don’t… do we feel like that crosses a line a bit? Who is Dumbledore to comment on the parenting of Petunia and Vernon towards Dudley? I know we all sit here and judge, but it’s up to them, ultimately.

Andrew: Dudley doesn’t deserve this; it’s not Dudley’s fault. But given how Vernon and Petunia have treated Harry, I can see why he’s motivated to criticize their parenting skills in general, whether it’s Harry, whether it’s Dudley.

Eric: Ultimately, Dumbledore has a protectiveness around Harry. You see it come out when he talks about Harry in this manner to the Dursleys; Dumbledore does feel protective of Harry, and that’s why he’s able to tell the Dursleys, “You did a bad job.” But I do think it crosses the line because he doesn’t know Dudley; he hasn’t been watching at the window pane Dudley’s whole life, and so any judgment that he has just made about Dudley just happened and is superficial, by definition.

Meg: I think it is undeserved for Dudley, but I think that this scene is really huge in Dudley’s characterization in Book 7. I think Dudley saying to Harry, “I don’t think you’re a waste of space,” is in some way… there’s a huge difference between Dudley in Book 5, when he’s the bully with his posse, and Dudley in Book 7, where he’s saying, “I don’t think you’re a waste of space” to Harry and trying to give him a teacup as a peace offering, and I think that this scene does have a lot to do with it. I think Dudley seeing his parents get chastised by this wizard who comes in and is rude to them and kind of makes fun of them, but ultimately, doesn’t do any physical harm, I think it sets up Dudley for a year of reflecting on this, and like, “Have I been mistreated? When was I mistreated? And who was this old man coming to…”

Micah: “Santa!”

Meg: [laughs] “… coming to stand up for my weird cousin? And why would he do that?” And I think that was fundamental for Dudley’s character development, to witness his parents being spoken to that way.

Eric: I really like that. So between that and then also whatever he saw when the Dementors attacked, those two things you can draw a straight line connecting between Dudley at the beginning of Book 5, when he’s a bully, and what happens with Book 7, that development.

Micah: Yeah, I really like that.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Andrew: In terms of what Dumbledore specifically is referring to when criticizing Dudley, it’s got to be the weight first and foremost, because the author has frequently been really brutal when it comes to describing characters by their large sizes. And then obviously, the spoiling. And as we established tonight, Dudley staying up past 11:00 p.m. Dumbledore doesn’t like that either.

[Eric laughs]

Meg: No, it’s not good for a young boy.

Andrew: No.

Micah: Gotta get those eight hours of sleep. Yeah, 100%. So I thought we could wrap up the chapter talking about part of why Dumbledore is there. And this really didn’t necessarily have to happen in front of the Dursleys; this is another moment where I feel like Dumbledore calling Kreacher… and we know how Kreacher appears most of the time. To have that writhing on their living room carpet – and it was noted, and we talked about it earlier, Petunia just got done deep cleaning the kitchen – this atrocity on her carpet in the living room probably made her freak the hell out, right?

Eric: We don’t see Dumbledore casting a Scourgify, or a, “Oh, let me clean this place up for you. Sorry about your home.”

Micah: But that’s why I think this in and of itself is probably one of the worst moments of the entire chapter for the Dursleys, because it’s tainting their home, right? This thing is…

Eric: That’s a violation.

Micah: It’s a violation, yeah.

Eric: There have been many violations in this chapter. That might be the worst, yeah.

Meg: Well, it’s also extremely unkind to Kreacher, I think, who…

Micah: Oh, it’s terrible.

Meg: He didn’t ask to be brought into this brand new environment with people he doesn’t know, and he’s clearly in emotional distress and doing something that he doesn’t want to. He’s having a tantrum on the floor with how upset he is about all this, and Dumbledore is just kind of like… you know, for all that Dumbledore criticized Sirius about, “Sirius never treated Kreacher well…”

Eric: Oh.

Meg: … Dumbledore is not treating him very well either.

Andrew: No. [laughs]

Meg: And it just makes me really happy that Kreacher does get the turnaround in Book 7 where Harry, Ron, and Hermione are actually kind to him, and he does get that.

Eric: I love Kreacher’s arc overall. But the other thing is this whole will of Sirius’s – and figuring out if Kreacher and Grimmauld Place, by extension, are in fact Harry’s – doesn’t need to happen in front of the Dursleys.

Micah: Right.

Eric: There’s not a single reason why the Dursleys need to see this. It’s something that’s on Dumbledore’s mind; maybe he’s distracting or delaying from going to Slughorn so that, again, Harry is like, “Oh, Dumbledore means business.” But for me, it doesn’t need to… it could have happened out in the street and would have been better, I think, for a lot of people.

Andrew: Maybe it was just to further freak the Dursleys out by having this house-elf in their home.

Eric: I think it’s like Dumbledore saying to them, “The magic world exists, there’s all this stuff going on that you’ve been not only unkind toward, but willfully ignorant of, and I don’t care how much magic I flaunt in front of you, because you’re horrible people and you won’t drink this very good mead.”

[Meg laughs]

Andrew: Deal with it!

Micah: I think the real reason why is because we needed to be able to connect the threads between Half-Blood Prince and Chamber of Secrets, because both have house-elves show up at Privet Drive.

Eric: Oh, yeah! Kreacher is the second house-elf that’s at Privet Drive. That’s cool.

Meg: Making a mess at Privet Drive. This is a sidebar, but another connecting the threads between Chamber of Secrets and Half-Blood Prince that I thought of today…

Micah: Please.

Meg: … and it’s a little bit silly, because it’s not really based in exactly reality. But I saw the Chamber of Secrets movie for my friend Marissa’s 10th birthday, and I was seated next to this girl named Erin. And Erin had clearly seen the first movie, but she had not read the books, because when Harry is in… the bars are on his window, and he’s in his bedroom at night, and you see… [laughs] Eric knows the story.

Eric: I know this story. This is hilarious.

Meg: And you see the little bits of light, and as these little lights are getting bigger, Erin leans over to me, and very confidently and gleefully she whispers to me, “It’s Dumbledore.”

[Everyone laughs]

Meg: I was like, “Erin, you fool.”

Andrew: Aw.

Meg: But you know what? Full circle.

Micah: She was right.

Meg: Four books later, Dumbledore is coming to save Harry from the Dursleys.

Eric: Because Dumbledore does save Harry!

Andrew: Aww.

Meg: So vindication for Erin.

Andrew: And for Petunia’s carpet, this portion of the show is brought to you by Stanley Steamer.

[Meg and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Stanley Steamer, when you need your carpets clean and you can’t be bothered to do it yourself.

Micah: Well, Eric, you mentioned that in addition to Kreacher, Harry gets Grimmauld Place. He also gets, presumably, a boatload of money – so he’s just rolling in it at this point – and Buckbeak, who is sent off to Hagrid and will now be known as Witherwings, so we need to make sure that we correct that moving forward.

Andrew: [in a sing-song voice] Witherwings.

Micah: And out into the balmy UK summer night is where we’re headed.

Meg: The misty and Dementor-y night.

Micah: Off to… what is it called? Budleigh Babbington or…?

Eric: Budleigh Babbington. It’s a movie-ism; it doesn’t matter.

Micah: Oh, is it, really?

Eric: Although, no, it might not actually be.

Micah: Is it not mentioned?

Eric: I don’t think the name of the town is. I could be very wrong.


Superlative of the Week


Andrew: Well, it’s time for MVP of the Week, and this week’s segment is most valuable tip from the Ministry.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: Don’t be outside after dark! Because as I told everyone last week, Death Eaters are night owls. That’s why you can’t be outside after dark.

Eric: I think that rule number one, the buddy system, is a very good rule.

Micah: Mentioned this earlier, the security questions. Especially in this time in which we live, got to make sure Andrew is Andrew.

[Andrew laughs]

Meg: And I said the best tip was actually the start of the pamphlet, where it says, “The wizarding community is currently under threat from an organization calling itself the Death Eaters,” because I think just the acknowledgement alone, finally, is what is most important here.

Micah: And I looked it up in the next chapter – I also see LunarLycan in the Discord – it is Budleigh Babberton. I’m not sure that is what – why am I blanking on his name? – Dumbledore says. The actor.

Andrew: Michael Gambon?

Micah: Michael Gambon, yeah. It sounds like he made it a little bit more whimsical than that, but…

Eric: No, it sounds right. Yeah, it is in the book.

Micah: Is it?

Eric: Yeah, page 59.


Lynx Line


Micah: And then over on our Lynx Line at Patreon.com/MuggleCast, this week’s question was: If Dumbledore could have left a Yelp review for the Dursleys, what would it say?

Andrew: So Rachel said, “Very clean, well-kept lawn. No lemon drops or any other snacks offered. Hosts were rude and I had the feeling I wasn’t wanted. Wouldn’t go back.”

Eric: Okay, next we have Kyle. “2/5 stars. The staff were quite rude, but did the bare minimum to maintain the Shield Charm. The agapanthus were flourishing!” [laughs] That raised them a whole star on the rating.

Micah: And that needs to be Max’d, too, when they Max this scene. Dumbledore needs to come in and say that, just like he does in the book. Sarah says, “Hosts are super rude. They wouldn’t even drink the drinks I provided. (Why am I the one providing drinks anyway??)”

[Andrew and Meg laugh]

Meg: Julie Ann says, “Do not come here unless you want the feeling that smelling vinegar gives you. Your nose will wrinkle in disgust, and you will wish you never came here in the first place.”

Andrew: Kim said,

“*Side eye emoji* This establishment was one of the worst I’ve visited, and I have been to Azkaban. If I could give it no stars, I would. There was no butterbeer or Rosmerta’s mead available. In fact, I had to Apparate my own. The hosts refused to acknowledge my efforts in providing them refreshments as well. There was a terrible smell of disinfectant and the furniture was uncomfortable. Unless you are looking to punish yourself, I would not recommend No. 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging.”

Eric: All right, Sara says, “Very clean, but uninviting, and smells of bleach. Three stars.”

Micah: Jenn gives it three and a half out of five stars. “Very clean and quiet. Not enough knitting magazines in the bathroom.”

Andrew: Okay, okay.

Meg: Ning Xi says, “Terrible service. Rude staff. One star.”

Andrew: Michael says,

“1/1,000,000. This house is atrocious, and basically revolves around one spoiled brat. I mean, this kid gets his own two rooms just for his toys and another to sleep in while the parents have one to share! It doesn’t help that there are pictures of this living beach ball of a boy all around the house. Heck, I couldn’t move one step without seeing one of these. The garden is obviously cared for as a way to impress neighbors (and me), but I wasn’t fooled by their act. I could instantly tell that they were trying to hide something. Further investigation found a boy locked under their stairs! This house stinks! Don’t even go near it! If you live in Privet Drive, sell your house because of how atrocious this place is.”

Andrew: Wow!

Meg: I like that, going back to Book 1 stuff.

Eric: ThatBatLady, one star out of five, written by Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, verified reviewer. That’s not the review.

“Having now visited Number Four, Privet Drive on more than one occasion, I can confirm it remains a singularly dreadful establishment. The menu consists primarily of cold toast and resentment. While their lawn is immaculately trimmed (credit where it’s due), the emotional landscape is barren. Upon arrival, I was greeted with the familiar ambience of suppressed fury and air freshener. Vernon Dursley attempted to glare me into nonexistence, Petunia vibrated with barely concealed horror, and Dudley (dear boy) managed a grunt that could almost be mistaken for civility. Refreshments were not offered. I had to produce my own mead.

Pros: No one screamed outright.
Cons: Emotional warmth of a Dementor’s armpit.

Overall: 1 star, for Petunia’s flowerbeds.”

Andrew: Wow.

Micah: Can I vote that that is the title of our episode?

Eric: Which?

Micah: “Emotional warmth of a Dementor’s armpit.” Is that too long?

Eric: Uh…

Andrew: Armpit?

Eric: I like “Dursleys Depantsed” for the episode title.

Andrew: Yeah, that, or Micah, I made a note earlier: “Privet Drive Revenge Tour.” That was something you…

Micah: Oh.

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Andrew: “Dursleys Depantsed,” though… I mean, that has alliteration.

Eric: I could go either way.

Andrew: The Lynx Line is a great way to have your voice heard on the show, whether or not you’re listening live. We ask a new question every week. Become a member of our community today by going to Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and receiving this and many more benefits, like ad-free episodes. One of my favorite podcasts recently started doing ad-free episodes through a support system; I’m like, “Oh my gosh, this is so much nicer.” So if you want to experience that feeling too, join our Patreon.

Micah: It’s so bad now on some podcasts. Literally, the first four minutes of a episode is just ads.

Andrew: Our show is definitely not that bad; we set stricter limits.

Micah: No, we’re not that bad.

Andrew: But it’s still really nice to not have ads in a podcast. If you have any feedback about today’s episode, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, and next week, we’ll discuss Half-Blood Prince Chapter 4, “Horace Slughorn.” If you enjoy the show, please do help us out. We have just reduced pricing on items in our overstock store. Get “19 Years Later” T-shirts, or our 15th Anniversary T-shirts. Lots of other great products there as well; just go to MuggleCastMerch.com and click the overstock store link at the top. You can also take a moment to rate us in Apple Podcasts or Spotify. You can also visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all of this information and our contact form. And if you’re looking for more podcasting from the four of us, listen to our other shows, Millennial and What the Hype?!, for more pop culture and real world talk.


Quizzitch


Andrew: Now it’s time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question: In this chapter, Snape and Narcissa make a grown-up version of a pinky promise. The origins of pinky promises started in Japan, known as yubikiri. According to yubikiri, what would happen to someone who broke a pinky promise? Well, the correct answer is – long story short – they would lose the finger. The pinky would be cut off by the person they made the promise with. And we have… actually, it’s very clear who the anime fans are, because it’s a very big theme in anime, and 37% of people who submitted the correct answer said they did not look it up. Correct answers were…

Meg: Well, and who do we know in the Harry Potter series who cut off a finger while betraying someone?

Andrew: Hmm…

Eric: Peter Pettigrew. Was it his pinky, too, right?

Meg: No, I think his pointer.

Micah: Peter Pettigrew’s pinky… pointer.

Andrew: Hashtag #Wormtaily.

Eric: Peter Pettigrew pinked a pinky of… okay. This week’s winners were A Healthy Breeze; Ashley B.; A Bubotuber Ate My Mom; Gryffindor Girly; I have a special pinky handshake with my favorite coworker; Lady Hermione Lookalike; Lumos Knox; Lycalopex; Magizoology 101; Pinky and the Brain (from the Department of Mysteries in the last book); Still waiting for Micah to say 67; Tempeh Tim; Tofu Tom; and Wallysaurus. What’s that about, Micah? 67?

Micah: Is that a new kid thing?

Andrew: Oh, boy. It is a new kid thing. Watch last night’s South Park for more.

Eric: Ohhh.

Andrew: It doesn’t make sense. Though I did notice… I was rewatching Half-Blood Prince the other day while shipping out yearbooks, and I did notice that Ginny and Harry have the numbers six and seven on their…

Micah: Oh, that’s where I saw that.

Andrew: Oh, okay. But they were standing backwards, so it said 76 instead of 67.

Micah: But I still don’t know what that means.

Andrew: It doesn’t mean anything. That’s why the kids like it.

Eric: Can I just say how much I love that you were watching Half-Blood Prince while shipping yearbooks out? That’s really cool.

Andrew: I know, and I realized the movie… I don’t think I like it. It’s too h-word. There’s too much romance.

Eric: It’s too visibly dark for me. The color grading is just awful.

Andrew: Dumbledore being like, “Are you dating, Harry?” I can’t. It’s too much.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Oh, we need to talk about all the rizz that Harry has, to use another next gen term. Okay, well, that was a lovely chat that we just had there. Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: In Chapter 3, Harry learns he has inherited Grimmauld Place from Sirius. Upon his death, the famous playwright William Shakespeare left most of his property and his fortune to his daughter, Susannah. However, he did leave something to his wife, whose name happened to be Ann Hathaway. What did Shakespeare will to his wife, Ann Hathaway, upon his death? Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form located on the MuggleCast website. Go to MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch if you want a direct link to the form, and/or if you’re on our website checking out the amazing transcripts that are done weekly by Meg, or our must-listens page, or anything else at all, just click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav bar.

Andrew: Thank you, Meg, for your help with the transcripts, and for joining us today. Always great to have you on.

Meg: Oh, thank you very much for having me. It’s always a pleasure. Not a chapter that I think about that much, so it was nice to delve deeper into it.

Andrew: It’s a great chapter, though.

Eric: I really felt as though, yeah, we had a really good talk about it.

Andrew: We did, I agree. I agree.

Micah: Did you transcribe as we were going?

[Andrew and Meg laugh]

Meg: No, but maybe I should. Next time on, I’m going to be… [makes typing noises]

Eric: We’re going to turn on the AI meeting notes or whatever feature to get it.

Micah: Sure. My God, I hope you do that.

Andrew: Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Meg: And I’m Meg.

Andrew: See you next week for Chapter 4. Bye!

Micah: 67.

Transcript #724

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #724, Snape’s House of Deceit (HBP Chapter 2, Spinner’s End)


Cold Open


Laura: It wouldn’t surprise me. I mean, he’s depressed as hell. There’s no getting around that.

Eric: Well, you’d be depressed, too, if Wormtail were living with you.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Yeah! Oh, God, yeah.


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: I’m Laura.

Andrew: And we’re your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books and the movies and the upcoming TV show, so make sure you follow us in your favorite podcast app, and that way you’ll never miss an episode. And this week, raise a glass of blood-red wine to the Dark Lord, because Chapter by Chapter continues with Chapter 2 of Half-Blood Prince, “Spinner’s End.” And we are excited to be joined by friend of the pod, MuggleNet contributor, podcaster himself, and an author, Irvin! Welcome back to MuggleCast, Irvin.

Irvin Khaytman: Hey, Andrew! Thanks so much for having me back. It’s always such a pleasure to come on.

Andrew: Yeah, we’re excited to have you, and we wanted to have you on this week because you actually are about to publish a new book about the Malfoys, right?

Irvin: True story. Yeah, my second book, about the Malfoys, just came out two weeks ago. It’s called Malfoy, and hold on, there’s a long subtitle. Malfoy: The Fall and the Fate of the Wizarding World’s Most Treacherous Family, an Unofficial Exploration. So it’s my Malfoy book, is how I call it.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: Very cool. Well, this is a perfect episode to have you on, then.

Irvin: I know! Oh, I was so excited when I heard you guys were doing “Spinner’s End,” because, well, A, it’s the best chapter. And B, I wrote a whole ass chapter about it in this book, about whether Narcissa was planning what she planned.

Andrew: Oh, cool.

Eric: Oooh.

Laura: Ah, well, that’ll be fun to get into.

Micah: That’s a very cool cover, by the way, too, with the peacock.

Irvin: Oh, so I literally insisted on that with my publisher. They were like, “So for the Malfoy book, we’re thinking snake,” and I’m like, “Peacock, obviously.”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: And somehow you were able to buy the domain name Malfoys.com; that’s where everybody can learn more about the book and find ordering links. And you’re also having a release party?

Irvin: Yes, so because I am extra as hell, for my book launch I’m doing a weekend-long celebration of all things Malfoy in New York City, October 17-19. We’re doing a book launch; we’re doing panels and presentations; we’re doing a wizard rock concert called Rock the Peacock…

[Everyone laughs]

Irvin: I’m proud of that one; I’m not going to lie.

Laura: Oh, that’s so funny.

Irvin: So yeah, if any of your listeners are in New York City October 17-19, I can promise them a really good time. And all the information is on that same website; you can go to Malfoys.com.

Andrew: Amazing. Well, welcome again. It’s a pleasure to have you on, and we’re excited to get your insights today.


News


Andrew: Before we get to Chapter by Chapter, though, we do have an update about the Harry Potter TV series coming to HBO. We finally got a look at Dumbledore through paparazzi photos that were taken while Dumbledore, played by John Lithgow, is on a beach. And he’s doing a little bit of a jog in the water, and in these other shots, he’s looking up into the sky and reciting a Latin incantation that translates to “Let the wall fall, let the way be clear.” And then some other photos also taken around this time depicted Dumbledore with two old wizards, and a lot of people are speculating that this is Nicolas Flamel and his wife. John Lithgow looks great, right, as Dumbledore? Pretty cool to see.

Laura: He does.

Irvin: Yes. Oh my God, yes.

Eric: It’s a very Richard Harris style Dumbledore. It looks a lot like Richard Harris’s Dumbledore from the first two films, especially the long beard that… so long that you could tuck it into your belt. And that’s what pleases me to look at.

Andrew: Any thoughts on what Dumbledore is doing on a beach? Is he on vacation before the school year starts?

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: No, it’s not that.

Micah: Isn’t that what we always talk about when he’s not at the school?

Eric: We always talk about that.

Andrew: It’s true.

Micah: He’s always on vacation.

Andrew: At a gay bar in some tropical island, I think. Go ahead, Irvin.

Irvin: Well, in Goblet of Fire, Harry imagines Dumbledore on the beach when he was worried about his scar hurting, so maybe as he imagines it, we’re going to get a shot of it.

Andrew: And on a related note, some people have thought they’re already filming scenes for Book 6. I do not think that is the case at all.

Laura: No.

Andrew: This is some…

Eric: I think what’s more likely – especially because of the old witch and wizard really look like Nicolas Flamel and Perenelle, I think his wife’s name is – this is going to be a scene having something to do with the Sorcerer’s Stone.

Andrew: Agree.

Eric: Either they’re moving it, or they’re… it could be from maybe, at the latest, the end of Season 1, where Nick has to give up or allow the stone to be destroyed, even though it would mean he and his wife eventually die. Which never made sense to me, but anyway, that’s how that works.

Laura: Yeah. I mean, I feel like they seem to be shooting this somewhat chronologically, and we know that at the beginning of the book, the Sorcerer’s Stone was moved into vault, what, 687 at Gringotts? And Hagrid had to go pick it up while he was taking Harry shopping. Don’t the Flamels live in France? It makes me wonder if Dumbledore goes to France to retrieve the stone at the beginning of Series 1, and we actually get to see that. It’s not something we got to see in the book. We just learn about it; it was an offscreen moment. So I’m really excited.

Andrew: Right. Yeah, we’re getting stuff that, to your point, was offscreen, off-page. So this is another example of them world-building and giving us more than what was even in the books, which is a very pleasant surprise.

Eric: Yeah, we heard a conversation happened, but you just don’t know what that entailed in getting to see it, getting to see Dumbledore’s relationship with this old friend of his who… he probably met Nicolas Flamel when Nicolas Flamel was 580-something, and Dumbledore was just a wee lad. But now they’re old men together, and they have this camaraderie. Dumbledore’s work on alchemy is what made him… gets a mention on the Chocolate Frog that Harry reads on the train to Hogwarts, and getting to look into that relationship a little further is an exciting kind of preview. Also, Nicolas Flamel, can I say, based on the pictures, does not appear to be super frail, moving real slow, like he was in the Fantastic Beasts film.

Andrew: Comically old, yeah.

Eric: This looks like a Nicolas Flamel who has at least maintained some level of energy, could probably do a few somersaults in the sand.

Laura: Irvin, I think you were kind of leaning towards the idea that this is around the move to Gringotts, but you also have a suggestion about what the inciting event for that is, right?

Irvin: Yeah, so I’m wondering if they’re going to make it more of a cat and mouse thing with Quirrell – or let’s be honest, a shadowy figure we don’t know – trying to steal the stone. So sort of like Dumbledore is chilling with the Flamels on a beach, and suddenly you see someone trying to get to the stone, and so then they move it to Gringotts. Then they worry about Gringotts; they move it to Hogwarts. It might be more of a active battle, trying to keep the stone from whoever’s trying to steal it, than it is just the Gringotts-to-Hogwarts pipeline.

Eric: Well, I love that.

Andrew: And then setting up the need to destroy it by the end of Season 1.

Laura: I love that.

Andrew: So yeah, that does make sense.

Irvin: Yeah, I just don’t know when chronologically they’d show that, because I think it would be weird, right, if we’re seeing Harry living with the Dursleys, cut to Dumbledore and magic and battles, cut back to the Dursleys.

Eric: I was so thrown by the beach. I was like, “Is he helping Hagrid get to Harry on the Hut-on-the-Rock? Is he doing magic? Is he lifting Hagrid in the air?” Because that’s the last thing that we saw, was the Dursleys at a… they filmed at a hotel, like an inn by the seashore. So it’s pretty interesting, if they were doing this strictly chronologically, to figure out when this would come into play.

Micah: Andrew, I did want to just point out that you didn’t translate the second half of what was on the card.

Andrew: No, it wasn’t as… I don’t have it up. It was something about the environment, right?

Eric: There were two cue cards.

Micah: It said, “Rise, great avenger, with wings from the water.”

[Eric and Irvin laugh]

Andrew: Oh, stop.

Eric: That’s not the second part of it.

Andrew: Yeah, it wasn’t as interesting.

Eric: The second part of it was like, “Once it’s done, doesn’t mean it’s ever done. Rise again.” Something like that. It was very similar, actually, Micah, to what Micah said.

Andrew: That’s the update there. Stick with MuggleCast for continuing coverage of the TV show, which is expected to premiere later next year or early in 2027. If you love MuggleCast and want to help us keep the show looking in better shape than Snape’s home, we invite you to become a member of our community at Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and by supporting us, you can get instant access to two bonus episodes of the show every month, plus ad-free episodes, access to our livestreams, a personal video “Thank you” message from one of the four MuggleCasters, a new gift each year, and a lot more. And if you’re looking for other ways to support us, you can visit MuggleCastMerch.com. I’m wearing our “19 Years Later” shirt tonight. You can also leave us a review on your favorite podcast app, or you can tell a fellow Muggle about our show.


Chapter by Chapter: Pensieve


Eric: Okay, it’s time to get into Chapter 2 of Half-Blood Prince, titled “Spinner’s End.” The last time that we talked about this was Episode 379 of MuggleCast, titled “Baby Micah.” And Micah was not on that chapter, and it’s weird. It continues to be weird. But anyway, let’s dive in to our MuggleCast Pensieve.

Dumbledore: What you are looking at are memories. This is the most important memory I’ve collected. It is from MuggleCast Episode 379.

Andrew: Oh my goodness.

[Laura laughs]

[Sound of memory uncorking]

[Sound of plunging into Pensieve]

Stefanie: So Snape, who did all this stuff for Lily, who’s now living in the home with Wormtail. And he has a bed, because he says, “Go to your room,” basically, to Wormtail, so they’re living together and it’s crazy. [laughs]

Eric: [in a sing-song voice] Snape and Peter, roommates!

Andrew: It’s like one of those awkward scripted comedy shows. Like, “What will happen when Snape and Wormtail live together? Find out Tuesdays at 8!”

Eric: [imitating Snape] “The fork goes on the right side, Wormtail. How many times do I have to tell you? The spoon is on the left.”

[Stefanie laughs]

[Sound of exiting Pensieve]

Dumbledore: This memory is everything.

Andrew: [laughs] Thank you, Dumbledore, who has joined the pod, evidently.

Eric: Yes, yes, yes. Special thanks to Albus Dumbledore, a.k.a. Charlie Hopkinson on TikTok, who recorded some lines as Dumbledore saying, “MuggleCast,” and each of the numbers will incrementally go up.

Laura: That’s awesome.

Irvin: Uncanny. That’s so impressive.

Eric: I’m very happy with it. I had little turnaround time, but it’ll sound even smoother next week.

Micah: Who is the guest host at the top?

Andrew: There were two. Two listeners, Stefanie and… I was confused, too, so I loaded up the show notes.

Eric: No, both Micah and Laura were not on the chapter discussion last week. It was just Andrew, me, and two of our listeners.

Andrew: Alex and Stefanie.

Eric: Alex and Stefanie. Now that we have the full cast panel, very excited.

Laura: Yeah, maybe we’ll get some new insights this week.

Eric: Well, definitely from Irvin, who wrote the book on the Malfoys. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, I’m definitely a little intimidated, because I feel like I have a Malfoy expert here on the panel.

Andrew: If Laura and Micah weren’t on, then Eric and I shouldn’t be on this episode, so we’ll see you all later.

Eric: All right. Bye, guys.

Irvin: It’s been real.

Laura: No, we have to complete the set.

[Eric laughs]


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Laura: Obviously, without further ado, this chapter picks up in Spinner’s End, following Narcissa and Bellatrix as Narcissa is desperately in pursuit of someone or something to help her. It’s not made entirely clear at the beginning of the chapter what that is, but I think as readers, we can make some assumptions, given the fact that we know her husband has been locked up in Azkaban, but he’s also disgraced amongst the other Death Eaters and Voldemort for his failure to procure the prophecy last book. And I thought we could talk about Spinner’s End here for a moment to kind of set the stage for this discussion. So some important lore here: Spinner’s End is Snape’s childhood home, which was also near young Lily and Petunia Evans’s childhood home, so it’s where Snape and Lily met each other as children. So between this, and there are some other threads that we’ll talk about as we unravel this discussion, there’s a lot of threads being established in this chapter for upcoming plot and later character revelations.

Micah: There’s a lot of symbolism, too. The fact that we’re in Spinner’s End, right? You think about spiders spinning a web, a web of lies…

Eric: A web of deceit.

Andrew: Oh, I thought you were going to say spinning a story, spinning a tale.

Eric: Or a web of mystery.

Andrew: Exactly.

Eric: Again, we get told a story; we don’t know what to believe.

Irvin: Yeah, the last time I did a podcast about this chapter, we started with the lens of “Who is the spinner and what is their end?”

Andrew and Laura: Ooh.

Irvin: Because really, this whole chapter is just people spinning tales and lies about each other. Between Snape, Bellatrix, Narcissa, Dumbledore, and Voldemort’s machinations behind the scenes, and the tale that Rowling is spinning, still trying to maintain ambiguity about Snape’s allegiance… it’s just so masterfully done.

Andrew: It is. Let’s, before we dive too deep, look at Snape’s house, though. What does it say that he chooses to stay in his childhood home and that it’s in bad shape? To me, one thing it says is that he has his mind elsewhere. He’s focused on his life at Hogwarts, what’s going on with Dumbledore and Voldemort… he doesn’t really have time to keep up a nicer home. But what else does it say? Because that can’t be it.

Micah: There’s probably a bit of trauma going on here for Snape. He literally hasn’t gotten over his childhood; we see that come up in previous books. And this is the home that, we find out later on in Half-Blood Prince, where his father was extremely abusive towards his mother, as well as towards Snape. So I think there’s probably a little bit of that at play.

Eric: It’s not a home of happy memories, that’s for sure. And the fact that it’s not better maintained could indeed speak to Snape’s, I think, being stuck back there mentally, because an accomplished wizard would just really be able to make all sorts of modifications. You could make it a grand castle. You wouldn’t even need to build anything; you’d just do it by magic. And this is just kind of a dank place, lot of books… he feels kind of… it feels like he’s imprisoned.

Andrew: He also could just move, but he stays there.

Eric: Yeah, that’s another…

Irvin: But for two months of the year, though, right? I think he just couldn’t be bothered, that it is just a brief, inconvenient place to stay that he has.

Andrew: True.

Eric: Assuming both of his parents passed, this is something that he would have inherited, and maybe there’s some happy memories there. But still, it’s kind of like Harry having to go back to Privet Drive two months out of the year. It’s just like… this is not a happy place.

Andrew and Irvin: Yeah.

Micah: It struck me, though, also as just being a place of convenience for what he’s tasked with doing.

Eric: Well, it’s not exactly becoming of a prince, though.

Laura: No.

Irvin: Maybe a Half-Blood Prince.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: It’s half befitting for a whole prince, so there you go.

Irvin: There you go.

Andrew: But I think that the description of Snape’s home is to further throw us off the scent that this could be the Half-Blood Prince, because to your point, Eric, a prince wouldn’t live here.

Laura: Yeah, that’s a good call.

Andrew: This second chapter – again, just like Chapter 1 – expands the wizarding world in a way we haven’t seen before. This is the first time we’re seeing inside a professor’s home.

Eric: Still no Harry.

Laura: Definitely.

Irvin: Well, and Eric, to your point about lots of books, I don’t know if you guys are familiar with David Martin, the guy who won the Tournament of Houses thing on HBO Max.

Eric: Ooh.

Irvin: So he does amazing presentations at conventions, and one of the best ones I went to was where he talked about the role of books in the Potter series, and basically how all the good guys in the series all read books, use books, have books in their home. All the bad guys never have books around; they use people instead of books. So he says that the minute we saw his house full of bookshelves, that should have told us that Snape is actually a good guy.

[Eric laughs]

Irvin: So the question of his allegiance is settled right here.

Eric: Oh, man!

Andrew: As Irvin says this in front of a lot of books behind him.

Irvin: I… yeah, yeah.

Andrew: But this theory doesn’t work for me, because look at Micah. He’s a bad guy, and I see two big old bookcases behind him.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: What if I have all of the same book? I’ve got a bunch of copies of books back here.

Andrew: I barely have books here, and it’s because I’m a bad guy. I own that.

Eric: You guys, quick, get books! Quick!

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I love that theory.

Andrew: No, that is cool.

Eric: It’s very fun. The poster writes itself; pro-reading in the wizarding world.

Laura: Definitely. Something else that just occurred to me as we’re talking about what’s Snape’s motivation for continuing to maintain a residence here, and I think part of it can go back to the connection to Lily, that this is where they kind of grew up together in the same area.

Eric: Wow.

Laura: And we know he’s miserable, and we know that the only reason he’s still involved with any of this is because he tried to save Lily, he failed, and as a result of all the guilt that he carries, he’s ultimately protecting Harry; he’s made that pledge to Dumbledore. But we also know that he tries to keep Lily close as much as he can.

Andrew: Aww.

Laura: I mean, to the point where in his dying moment, he wants Harry to look at him so he can see his mother’s eyes. He’s still holding out a flame for a dead woman.

Eric: I wonder if he takes daily walks to the park where he saw Lily and Petunia as kids, and probably spent some afternoons in the sun chatting to Lily about wizards.

Laura: It wouldn’t surprise me. I mean, he’s depressed as hell. There’s no getting around that.

Eric: Well, you’d be depressed, too, if Wormtail were living with you.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Yeah! Oh, God, yeah. Absolutely. Micah, talk to me about the symbolism of the fox.

Micah: Yeah. Well, you know I like goats, but I feel like we have to talk about another animal in this particular chapter. But the fox that pops up… which, I mean, this is industrial UK, right? I wouldn’t expect a fox normally to just pop its head out. But I mean, I don’t know if it’s because there’s a bit of symbolism here, right? Foxes are known for their trickery and their cunning, and Bellatrix is very quick to AK that fox, and I don’t know if we’re meant to draw anything from that. I feel like… is it more just, “Oh, innocent animal; Bellatrix, cruel woman,” or is it…? Are we meant to read into it a little bit more?

Eric: I assume there’s a lot of… there’s coyotes in Chicago. Just wilderness, regular wilderness if they’re around a river, river bed… there are stoats. There are all sorts of just wildlife that are living close enough to tiny homes that… it unfortunately is an innocent victim, though, which is just a shame. It’s the first death in this book.

Andrew: And that’s kind of the symbolism there, maybe. An innocent victim. Draco is an innocent victim in all this, I think.

Eric: Ahh.

Laura: Yeah. And foxes are cute, so it is very sad. But we hear Bellatrix say, “Oh, shoot, sorry. Thought that was an Auror. Just a fox; don’t worry about it.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: So I think it goes to show how trigger happy she is. It’s reminding us that she is… her sanity is hanging on by a thread.

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Irvin: Yup.

Laura: So along with this, Bellatrix is fruitlessly trying to convince her sister to turn back and not to pursue whatever it is she is seeking. And obviously it becomes clear that they are looking for Snape; they’re going to this very sad, damp, and decrepit childhood home that he has taken up residence in. But something that I found really interesting about the exchanges between Bellatrix and Narcissa is that Bellatrix is kind of tentatively – a little bit timidly, almost – expressing that she thinks the Dark Lord may be mistaken about Snape’s loyalty, but this chapter makes it clear that Bellatrix also isn’t as plugged in to Voldemort’s inner circle and his movements as she would purport to be. So do we think this is why she doesn’t take a harder line with her sister?

Irvin: I think it’s completely different. I think it’s because she loves her sister. I think that Narcissa is probably the only person in the world whom Bellatrix actually loves, aside from Voldemort, just because the way they interact when Narcissa turns her wand on Bellatrix, and Bellatrix is like, “Come on, you wouldn’t. Your own sister?” I think that says a lot more about Bellatrix’s relationship to Narcissa, that basically she thinks that she and Narcissa should be the most important thing to each other, more important than sons or husbands or Dark Lords, whereas Narcissa clearly disagrees, and I think that makes the disconnect between them. But that’s the most interesting thing about Bellatrix to me, is the fact that she does actually love her sister and does have layers to her character.

Eric: I like that a lot.

Laura: I love that.

Eric: It’s worth noting that they both have a third sister who is not in the picture, Tonks’s mom Andromeda, who by all accounts is awesome. Sirius, I think, said that she’s his favorite cousin. She married a Muggle-born and was ostracized. So I think that in Andromeda’s absence, when she was purged from the family and stricken off the Black family tree, Narcissa and Bellatrix could have gotten closer as a result.

Micah: For sure.

Irvin: Well, and they’re all they each other had from the family that’s left. The parents are long gone; Sirius and Regulus are both out of the picture. So it’s just them and their little unit.

Laura: Yeah. Irvin, I really love that observation, and I almost wonder if there’s a thread we can pull around motherhood there, because we know motherhood… I mean, it’s such a huge theme in this series, but we ultimately know motherhood is what drives Narcissa to do what she does in the next book. So do you think there’s an implication here that Narcissa is basically saying to Bellatrix, “You think I wouldn’t? Sorry, my son trumps you. He outranks you.”

Irvin: Absolutely. Well, because Bellatrix is sort of meant to be the archetypal opposite of the mother’s love that’s the end-all, be-all in this series, I think that here Jo is actually very actively trying to draw the contrast between the two, where Narcissa falls into the long, noble tradition of mothers – of Molly, of Lily – who will do anything and sacrifice anything for their children, whereas Bellatrix, as the bad guy and the complete contrast to them, is like, “If I had sons, I’d give them up to the Dark Lord. Kids? Whatever.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: So what do you think…? While we’re on this topic of the dynamic between the sisters, but also Bellatrix’s dynamic and sort of her trying to take care of her sister, but also wanting to be Voldemort’s right hand woman, you put a really interesting question in here about do you think Bellatrix would rather be right or wrong about Snape being disloyal? Can you unpack that for us a little bit?

Irvin: Sure. So Bellatrix comes in guns a-blazing, telling Snape, before anyone gets a word out, that “I do not trust you, as you very well know,” and when Snape is like, “Okay, why don’t you trust me?” Bellatrix comes with receipts.

[Andrew laughs]

Irvin: We get paragraphs being like, “And then you did this, and then you weren’t there, and where were you? And why is Harry Potter alive?” And Snape, of course, asks, “Do you think Voldemort is wrong?” And Bellatrix is like, “I think the Dark Lord is mistaken.” So I’m wondering, because Bellatrix is so very gung-ho about the Dark Lord – true believer, fighting for the cause, willing to give up sons and all the rest of it – I’m wondering if she would rather be right or wrong about Snape being disloyal to the Dark Lord. Because if she’s right, that actively undermines her beloved Dark Lord, and that weakens his position, and as a selfless Death Eater who wants what’s best for the cause, she should want Snape to be loyal. As a Death Eater who’s very much trying to advance herself, who wants to be the favorite Death Eater and sees Snape, rightfully, as her main rival for that position, I think she’s very invested in Snape being evil, and in her being right that he’s disloyal.

Laura: I tend to agree with you. I think she’s an opportunist at the end of the day, and I think she’s always looking out for number one.

Andrew and Irvin: Yeah.

Micah: I think she just wants to be relevant at the end of the day, and I agree with you; I think that she wants Snape’s position. She wants to be that level of importance to the Dark Lord, and it’s clear that she’s not.

Eric: Oh, the fact that he knows of the plan, right? That Voldemort told Snape about his plan with Draco shows that Snape is as close as Bellatrix maybe used to be, right? Especially because Bellatrix, since the Ministry event, has fallen out of the Dark Lord’s favor, catching Snape and being able to prove that he’s secretly a good guy working for Dumbledore would put her back in the good graces of Voldemort. So I think that’s what she wants. That’s what she prefers, is for Snape to be bad and her to prove it, so that she can get back to where she used to be, on Voldemort’s good side.

Irvin: From the perspective of what they bring to the Death Eater organization, right? Snape is probably the only Death Eater who is more or less her match in terms of magical prowess, right? Most of the rest of them don’t really seem like superlative wizards, but I think Snape could give Bellatrix a run for her money. And on top of that, Snape also has the intelligence aspect, the fact that he is a spy, the fact that he can report on Dumbledore. So Bellatrix’s only edge, if she’s trying to be a more valuable Death Eater, would be loyalty to the Dark Lord, and that’s why she comes in guns a-blazing. She’s like, “I have endured 12 years at Azkaban while you have done…” and Snape is like, “Right, but what good is that?” And then she just completely flies off the handle.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Yeah, I mean, her perspective is like, “I suffered for him,” right?

Andrew: [laughs] “I sat there in Azkaban,” and Snape has so many great quips.

Irvin: It’s amazing.

Andrew: Yeah, a couple great quips about that.

Micah: Going off of what was said earlier related to love, do we think that Bellatrix might be doing this in part to try and protect her sister?

Irvin: Oh, yeah.

Laura: Yeah, for sure. I think so.

Irvin: I mean, why else would she go to a Muggle town and spend the night with Snape?

[Eric laughs]

Irvin: That doesn’t seem like her idea of a good Saturday night.

Eric: Of a good time, yeah.

Andrew: One of them described it not so pleasantly at the start of this chapter.

Laura: Yeah. So they arrive at Snape’s very sad childhood home, and he welcomes them in very magnanimously, or at least Narcissa. It’s very clear that he’s not super stoked to see Bellatrix, and that feeling is mutual. We also encounter Wormtail and learn that he’s Snape’s new roommate, which is definitely an interesting combination, right, Irvin?

Eric: Max that!

Irvin: Oh, it’s such a genius move on Voldemort’s part, right? He takes the two Death Eaters that he doesn’t trust in the slightest, makes them live together, and I would bet money that both of them are then reporting back on the other to Voldemort.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: 100%.

Irvin: So Wormtail is spying on Snape, Snape is spying on Wormtail, and them together is keeping each other honest from Voldemort’s perspective.

Eric: That’s funny.

Irvin: Honestly, Voldemort is kind of good at running an evil organization at times.

Andrew: Well, and there is one moment in this chapter where we hear that Wormtail is listening against the door as they’re having this conversation. That further aids your point.

Irvin: Exactly.

Andrew: I mean, sure, he could just be a curious fellow, but he also wants to relay information back to Voldemort to get back into Voldemort’s good graces.

Eric: Well, and that’s Voldemort’s big trick, is having all of his Death Eaters sort of compete for his affection and time. And Pettigrew, for all the things that he’s done to advance the cause, is consistently relegated to basically the dung heap, and he’s still inspired to keep trying to get back on the good side.

Irvin: Yeah. It’s why this is such a great chapter, because it’s the only time we see the Death Eaters spend time together without Voldemort there, and so seeing how they’re competing for his favor, but also how afraid they are of Voldemort. Literally, they all get together, and the first thing they do is drink to the Dark Lord. That’s insane.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: But yeah, they’re all simultaneously afraid of getting on his bad side. I mean, I think jumping back to the Bellatrix motivation of it all, I think she wants to be right, but I think she’s also terrified to tell Voldemort about her theories in case she’s wrong, because she’s already screwed up once in the last couple of months, and she doesn’t want to screw up again. So it is very interesting. And I think a theme that really stuck out to me about this chapter as we get into Bellatrix being about to spill the beans about Voldemort’s plan, Snape is like, “Girl, say less. I already know his plan. He wants Draco to kill Dumbledore.”

Andrew: [imitating Snape] “Say less.”

Laura: This is the chapter where we really start to see Death Eaters realize that they are not special, and that the consequences of Voldemort’s reign of power are not just going to fall on the “less desirable” classes that they were thinking were going to be punished. As soon as they no longer have use to Voldemort, he’ll turn on them too. So this is a case of Narcissa… and Irvin, I don’t want to talk crap, but the feeling I got throughout reading this was this is Narcissa’s version, and something that we see a lot in the history of the world of people who are gung-ho about really nefarious and evil movements and policies, until they realize that the goal posts can shift, and as soon as you are no longer at the top rank of the preferred class, you are subject to a lot of the same treatment.

Irvin: Oh, yeah, absolutely. Narcissa’s only objection to the Dark Lord is that it places her family in danger.

Eric: Yeah, right, exactly. She would be perfectly happy to follow him and do pretty much anything he requests of her family if it wasn’t putting them in direct risk.

Irvin and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Well, and it’s also really where we see the groundwork for what she’s ultimately going to do in the next book. Again, she says to Bellatrix a little earlier, “There is nothing I wouldn’t do anymore,” because this is her only son, right? And so we see the motivation here. She’s going to ask Snape to keep Draco safe and to help him.

Micah: Yeah, what’s so interesting in watching Snape operate in this particular moment is that, at least my headcanon… and I know Irvin is going to debunk me in a minute…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: … but I wasn’t convinced that Snape knew of Voldemort’s plan for Draco. And we know he’s this accomplished Legilimens. I’m just… just bear with me here for a moment. So I was thinking, could he in fact be reading Narcissa’s mind when he steps away? Because he does this periodically, right, in this chapter, during the conversation. He goes over to the window. I think it would actually have been cool if he didn’t know the plan, and he was using his abilities in this moment to continue to manipulate the situation to his advantage.

Irvin: I mean, that was a very popular theory before Deathly Hallows came out, because it was genuinely ambiguous whether he knew the plan in the scene or not.

Andrew: He doesn’t really share any details as Narcissa is talking. I think the one line – and I’m trying to find it right now – that does suggest he may have actually known the plan was when Snape says something like, “If Draco were to pull this off, his name would become legend,” or something like that. So Snape has an idea that what he’s about to do is a big deal.

Micah: Yeah, but I mean, he could just be embellishing there, right?

Andrew: I guess.

Micah: He doesn’t have to know what it is exactly.

Eric: Well, I think that Snape relishes being able to say, “You don’t need to tell me; I already know.”

Micah: Of course.

Andrew: Oh, definitely.

Eric: We know he loves that. I think, though, that it is…

Andrew: Especially in front of Bellatrix. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, I think to impress her and anger her at the same time with how cool he is. That’s a very Snape sort of thing. But no, I am of the mind that he does know about it, because also, his position as a double agent, he needs to know everything that’s going on on both sides so that he can protect himself and also be ready for anything. He probably suspected or guessed or was mentally prepared to do something like the Unbreakable Vow before Bellatrix and Narcissa ever showed up, because think about how it works out.

Micah: Yeah. I mean, maybe it’s just a matter of him measuring the moment, to your point, about this Unbreakable Vow that’s coming. That’s a lot to take in.

Andrew: It’s a great headcanon, though, Micah. And I mean, it’s too bad it’s debunked, because I really do like this theory. And as Snape says in this chapter, “I’ve played my part well.” This is Snape working both sides, and it’s delicious to see.

Irvin: Yeah, because it’s only debunked in “The Prince’s Tale.” The scene in “The Prince’s Tale” when Dumbledore injures his arm, he then immediately goes to Snape, and then he mentions, “I refer to the plan Lord Voldemort is revolving around me. His plan to have the poor Malfoy boy murder me.”

Eric: Oh.

Irvin: So that scene takes place before “Spinner’s End,” because in “Spinner’s End,” Snape references the injured hand. So that confirms he did know, because he and Dumbledore talked about it. But again, we only found that out in Deathly Hallows. And also, if Bellatrix is as smart as she hopes she is, Bellatrix also might realize that for all of Snape’s talk, he also didn’t actually say he knew what the plan was. Rather, he said he knew what it was, but he didn’t actually say what it was.

Laura: Yeah, that’s true.

Irvin: So I think the ambiguity is built into the scene.

Laura: Do we also think there’s a double motivation, or a dual motivation for Voldemort here? Because one, he gets to torture the hell out of the Malfoy family for a year to punish Lucius, right? But two, if we believe Snape, if we take him at his word when he says, “Yeah, I believe that Voldemort does intend for me to step in should Draco fail,” is this Voldemort saying, “Hey, I get to torture the Malfoys, but also I get to put Snape’s loyalty to the ultimate test”?

Eric: Yeah. And I mean, Snape expects it. He says that, I think to Narcissa, “I believe Voldemort wants – or the Dark Lord – expects me to do it if Draco fails.” And then that’s what sets Narcissa off, because she’s like, “So then my son’s life doesn’t matter at all! He doesn’t need to use him at all!” But yeah, Snape knows that it will come down to him, that Draco will fail, and that Voldemort intends…

Irvin: Well, that’s a question of logistics, too, right? Besides the loyalty test, Snape is the one who works with Dumbledore, who has regular access to Dumbledore. If anyone’s going to kill Dumbledore, it’s going to be Snape. Giving Draco the assignment is pure punishment. It only makes sense that Snape will do it in the end.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Totally. So I wanted to ask, what do we make of the Snape that we see in this chapter? The way he communicates with Narcissa in particular feels different; it’s more adult than what we’re used to with him, and I think it’s because there are no children in this chapter.

Irvin: Because they’re adults?

Laura: Yeah, exactly.

Andrew: And the wine is out.

Laura: That’s true.

Eric: You know, one of the comments I want to highlight from our Discord – people who are listening live right now – from Hedwig’s Theme, says, “Weirdly love Snape being snarky when it’s directed at adults and not school kids.” Yeah, it’s different. This hits different.

Andrew: And it’s not bullying. I mean, it’s bad when you’re watching him be snarky towards the students because he’s bullying these kids, but adults… I mean, is it the best thing to do? Not necessarily, but to these…

Eric: His contempt for Wormtail. Wormtail is on all of our shit lists, right? So it’s okay for him to treat him subhumanly or whatever in front of others. His contempt for Bellatrix, who’s just utterly absurd. She just killed Sirius Black! We’re ready to have some level of avenger.

Micah: Well, that’s the only thing he’s happy about with her.

Irvin: Right, yeah. He does, like, “I give you full credit,” raises his glass.

Andrew: Yeah, that was kind of a bit of a surprise. [laughs] But he’s fair. Snape is fair.

Eric: I think he’s mollifying… yeah.

Laura: I mean, we have to remember, Wormtail is ultimately part of the group that bullied him so terribly when he was in school.

Irvin: He’s also the reason Lily is dead.

Laura: Yeah, exactly. Man, that adds a whole other layer to this, too. Snape is being forced to live with the guy whose fault it is. And granted, it’s also kind of Snape’s fault.

Eric: It’s also Snape’s fault.

Laura: True.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It’s probably about 50%. Snape loosened the guard rails, so Voldemort never would have known about the prophecy if it weren’t for Snape specifically, and if it weren’t for Wormtail specifically, he never would have been able to find the Potters.

Andrew: But that makes it all the worse that the two people responsible for Lily’s death are now having to coexist. [laughs] Cohabitate in the same space.

Irvin: And that’s why Snape treats Pettigrew the way the Dursleys treat Harry, where when company comes over, he is sent to his room to make no noise and pretend he doesn’t exist.

Laura: I love that.

Irvin: To your point about how Snape relates to Narcissa and them being adults, there was a theory back in the day that I encountered, that an online friend of mine actually was very gung-ho about, that Narcissa was trying to seduce Snape when she showed up at Spinner’s End that night.

Andrew: [laughs] Ooh-la-la.

Eric: Uh… okay.

Andrew: Snape and Narcissa, Voldemort and Bellatrix… woo! What is the evidence? Go ahead.

Irvin: Well, the evidence is a bit flimsy, in my view…

[Everyone laughs]

Irvin: But basically, there’s two bits. First is that there’s this line in Half-Blood Prince, where “she slid off the sofa into a kneeling position at Snape’s feet, seized his hand in both of hers, and pressed her lips to it.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: She’s begging for her son’s life!

Andrew: Yeah, this is her son we’re talking about.

Eric: Context matters.

Irvin: And, well, the other bit is the context, which is that a woman does not show up on a man’s doorstep late at night asking for a favor without insinuating something.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Oh, that hussy! That hussy.

Andrew: This… okay. Well, the darkness and the cover of night might help avoid Muggles, so maybe that’s why they’re showing up at this time of day.

Eric: Yeah, Statute of Secrecy.

Andrew: Makes it more eerie. Also – I don’t know it for a fact; I just believe it to be true – all Death Eaters are night owls. It’s just how they are.

Eric: Maybe they believe that Snape is a vampire and so he wouldn’t be there during the day anyway. He’d be resting.

Laura: Maybe.

Irvin: Look, I don’t buy it, but my friend is a Gen X British woman like Jo Rowling, and I am not, so perhaps she has a better grasp of how Jo thinks women and late night bachelors relate to each other.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: [imitating Snape] “I love a late night booty call.”

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: I do not need that mental image in my head. Peace and love.

Eric: Well, you know, Narcissa’s husband is in the clink…

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Thank you very much.

Irvin: Sorry. I ask the questions; you decide.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I appreciate it. It’s a fun theory.

Eric: Amazing.

Laura: It is. Well, don’t worry, we’re going to talk about some other cases where we know that there were probably some late night liaisons going on a little bit later.

Eric: Oh, God.

Laura: But I do love – and we kind of talked about this a bit before – but he really does have such a different regard for Bellatrix than he does for Narcissa. And I know there were some great quips that all of y’all made notes about and called out, so I want to make sure that we get to share some love for those if folks want to call those out.

Irvin: I mean, best one has to be the 12 years in Azkaban, and he’s like, “Well, it’s a fine gesture, to be sure.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Yes, yes.

Irvin: Literally steam comes out of her ears.

Micah: For me, and I’m paraphrasing a bit here, but he says to Bellatrix, “You don’t think the Dark Lord has asked the very same questions?” That list that Irvin was referencing earlier. He’s like, “Yeah, you don’t think that the guy in charge asked me every single one of these questions at some point, and what, I didn’t answer them satisfactorily?” Basically, “Why do I have to answer to you, if I’ve already answered to him?”

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: I just like how cool and collected he is with it, as if he expected it, and the fact that he does have these answers, and they play. I think that they… I mean, Bellatrix comes away from that being unsure, and that’s a mark of its effectiveness.

Irvin: One more quip, when Bellatrix is like, “He calls me his most loyal… his most faithful…” and Snape is like, “Does he? Does he still, after the fiasco at the Ministry?”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: And all this happening in Snape’s own home makes it all the more delicious as well.

Laura: Exactly.

Andrew: He’s fully in control here. And I mean, we were talking earlier about this home being lifeless and dreary, but he’s really spicing things up this night.

Irvin: He’s coming alive.

Micah: Do you think it’s the wine?

[Irvin and Laura laugh]

Andrew: It’s probably partly the wine.

Eric: It’s that elf-made wine.

Laura: He’s unwinding, yeah.

Micah: I just love how this chapter really shows what a badass Snape actually was. We’re forgetting in all this, I think, the fact that he’s been lying straight up to Voldemort for years, and…

Eric: To his face, yeah.

Micah: To his face. So while this theater has been very fun to enjoy, there’s also the whole other side that he’s been able to lie without any repercussion whatsoever. It’s super impressive.

Irvin and Laura: Yeah.

Irvin: Well, how weird is it that in this scene we relate to Bellatrix? When she’s asking Snape all these questions, she’s like, “I don’t know if I can trust you. I don’t know what you’re up to.” And we’re like, “I mean, yeah, us too.”

Laura: Yeah, she’s the reader in this case.

[Andrew laughs]

Irvin: Yeah, isn’t that bizarre?

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: It’s pretty awesome.

Laura: Well, with that in mind, do we recall what we thought of Snape’s allegiance when we first read this?

Andrew: I wish.

Eric: That’s a good question, because that predates MuggleCast by about three weeks.

Andrew: I know. I wish I remembered.

Eric: I feel like I was firmly, “Okay, Snape is a good guy. His contempt for Bellatrix proves that to me, that he’s not buddy-buddy.” But at the same time, the way that the rug gets pulled out from readers at the end of the book when he goes ahead and kills Dumbledore, right? So between this chapter, I’m like, “Oh, he’s clearly a good guy,” then at the end of the book, he does this unforgivable thing by casting an Unforgivable Curse, and you’re kind of left, despite this first chapter, still wondering into Book 7, right? That’s when The Great Snape Debate comes out, is after this book. So yeah, I seem to remember thinking he was good, but I think that the story of this book shook me a little. Going into Book 7, I don’t know what I thought.

Irvin: So I remember I thought he was good when I read “Spinner’s End,” because I was like, “Oh, this is the story he’s been telling the Death Eaters; that’s what we’re finding out.” And then when he kills Dumbledore, then I was like, “Oh, he’s evil! He’s so obviously evil! It was right there in black and white! He told us he was evil, and then he turned out to be evil.” So after reading Half-Blood Prince, I was so thoroughly convinced Snape was a bad guy because of this, among other things.

Andrew: You know, as the leader of Team Dumbledore Is The Best…

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: … I believe I trusted in Dumbledore. He knew what he was doing. He is right; Snape is good. And also, flashback to – they were just briefly mentioned – the Snape is good/Snape is evil debate. Pre-Deathly Hallows, the bookstores were really leaning into this as well. I remember at Borders or Barnes & Noble, there were “Snape is good/Snape is bad” buttons. You could pick.

Eric: It was Borders, maybe.

Andrew: Yeah. [laughs] The debate was hot.

Eric: I have it. I have the book.

Micah: Oh, wow.

Eric: The Great Snape Debate. This is the case for Snape’s innocence, and then when you flip the book, it’s the case for Snape’s guilt.

Andrew: Oh!

Eric: And so half the book is printed upside down, so that you could read all the evidence for he’s a good guy, and all the evidence…

Micah: That’s cool.

Andrew: You look like Luna Lovegood reading that. That’s pretty cool.

Irvin: How did I not have that? What?

Eric: This was Borders, or I got it from Borders. $32.99. I think that’s New Zealand dollars.

Andrew: Yikes!

Micah: That’s expensive.

Eric: No, that’s New Zealand dollars, so it was 77 cents per… anyway.

Laura: Oh, okay. Got it.

Micah: Well, you should only have to pay $16 worth because… [laughs]

Eric: I don’t know that I paid anything for this, or I got the staff discount at the time.

Micah: Okay. I’m trying to remember… I think I was probably in the camp of thinking that he was playing a role, but then I probably got scared when he made the Unbreakable Vow because I realized nothing good could come of that.

Laura: Yeah, I remember feeling like he was good, but that he was caught in an impossible situation where he had to make the Unbreakable Vow to keep his cover. And I remember at the time feeling like, “Okay, a big chunk of this book is going to center around Snape figuring out how to circumvent this so that he can save himself and Draco, and maybe his allegiance to Dumbledore is going to be revealed in this book.” Obviously, not what ended up happening, but I think I still always kind of maintained that Snape is good. Of course, that’s relative, because I don’t think Snape is good or evil; I think he’s lots of shades of gray.

Irvin: How many shades? 50?

[Everyone laughs]

Irvin: Or more?

Andrew: Probably.

Micah: Well, on that night, Irvin…

Eric: I’d say at least 31 shades.

Laura: Oh, so he’s like the Baskin Robbins of shades of gray? [laughs]

Micah: Well, when Narshisha shows up… I can’t even say her name.

Eric: “Narshisha”?

Andrew: “Narshisha shows up.”

Micah: That’s her stage name. When Narcissa shows up…

Irvin: You can call her Cissy.

Micah: Yeah, when Cissy shows up…

Eric: Yeah, just call her Cissy. Everyone else does.

Laura: So speaking about some more adult themes, we know there’s clearly trouble in paradise with Voldemort and Bellatrix at this point. When Snape calls her out for the Ministry fiasco and implies that she doesn’t know as much as she thinks she does, he says, “Oh, have you discussed this matter with the Dark Lord?” And she just goes, “He… lately, we… I am asking you, Snape!” It’s very clear that Voldemort is keeping her at arm’s length right now because she screwed up.

Eric: Womp-womp.

Laura: But I know we’ve also talked about the timing of Delphi’s birth, and I did a little bit of napkin math on this. So we know, according to the Harry Potter wiki, that Delphi was apparently born in secret at Malfoy Manor in early March of 1998, two months before her parents died at the Battle of Hogwarts. So if we work backwards from March of 1998, that means Bellatrix gets pregnant in roughly June or July of 1997.

Eric: Which will be next year, so a year from now.

Laura: Well, yes. So do Voldemort and Bellatrix reconcile after the successful killing of Dumbledore and celebrate, and then we get Delphi?

Eric: Yeah, that tracks for me.

Laura: Gross. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah. Well, and tying this back to Irvin’s question earlier about whether Bellatrix would be excited or mad that she was right or wrong about Snape, maybe she wanted to celebrate the Dark Lord being right about Snape. So she was like, “Let’s do this, baby! Woohoo!”

Laura: She’s like, “You were right the whole time, hon!” [laughs]

Irvin: “Never doubted you, not for a minute.”

Eric: Ahh.

Andrew: Now, this is a very real booty call that happened in this book.

Eric: Well, and it really goes back to our recent discussion at the Battle of the Ministry chapter, because Voldemort specifically saves Bellatrix from Azkaban. He doesn’t have to; he could have just skedaddled, but he specifically Apparates… this is why Fudge sees him; the entire reason Fudge sees him and thus reveals his existence to the wizarding world again is because Voldemort shows up, makes himself visible after possessing Harry, just to grab Bellatrix. And so I bet that Voldemort quickly regrets saving her, and thus puts her at arm’s length, where we see her be so desperate for his attention and affection in this chapter, which is only a few months later.

Irvin: I mean, he’s upset with her and mad at her, but she’s still, as Deathly Hallows says, his last best lieutenant. So I think he still values her, even if he’s upset with her.

Eric: She’s a true believer; he’s just not going to pepper her…

Irvin: She gets a couple strikes. Most of the Death Eaters get one strike; Bellatrix might get three.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: Well, not to mention, she and Lucius were one of the few Death Eaters with whom Voldemort placed a Horcrux, so there’s clearly a special superlative level of trust here between Voldemort and his followers.

Irvin: Yeah. I actually find it interesting to consider the other way, of what if Bellatrix was growing disenchanted with Voldemort? And we know that didn’t end up happening because Deathly Hallows; we read Deathly Hallows. But when the sixth book was out, before we had the seventh, you could paint a convincing picture off of the “Spinner’s End” chapter of Bellatrix getting much less impressed with Voldemort and much more impressed with Snape. That same friend with the Narcissa/Snape theory, Madame Roz, wrote a great essay about it over in 2006 about how, basically, if you look at the Department of Mysteries, where Voldemort just completely screwed up… he had a bad plan, the plan failed, it all blew up in his face, then he took it out on her. He ignored her warnings about Dumbledore, and now suddenly Snape is here, and Snape is making these Unbreakable Vows, and Bellatrix is like, “Damn.” I feel like you could sort of take this chapter as a starting point for a storyline where Bellatrix goes apostate against Voldemort, and I think that would have actually been a really cool story.

Eric: You can see it in the way that she slides off the couch and gets to her knees and kisses Snape’s ring as well.

[Andrew laughs]

Irvin: That’s what I’m saying!

Laura: Well, let’s talk about the Unbreakable Vow.

Micah: Who knew Spinner’s End was such a place to be?

[Irvin and Laura laugh]

Irvin: I came to elevate things and make it classy here.

Andrew: You are.

Irvin: Thanks, I try.

Andrew: Hashtag #MakeMuggleCastWeirdAgain.

[Eric and Irvin laugh]

Laura: Did we ever stop being weird?

Andrew: One of our listeners requested that we be weird again, yeah, so that’s that campaign.

Laura: Ahh.

Eric: Speaking of… you know, all this talk about Bellatrix? Bellatrix is married!

Micah: That’s true.

Irvin: Oh, yeah. We forgot; so did she.

Eric: Rodolphus Lestrange. What is Bellatrix’s relationship…? He’s never in the picture.

Irvin: He’s the real victim, right?

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Justice for Rodolphus.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Well, anyway, let’s talk about this Unbreakable Vow real quick. So we know Snape agrees that he will help Draco to succeed in his mission to kill Dumbledore; however, Irvin, you made a great call-out that he is roped in to a portion of the Unbreakable Vow that he wasn’t anticipating, because it’s very different to say, “Yeah, I’ll help him,” but then what does Narcissa do?

Irvin: Yeah. Okay, so when I was writing my book, I went into this chapter line by line and word by word, because that’s the kind of book Half-Blood Prince is. And so basically, Narcissa comes in with three requests, which it’s hard to keep track of because Bellatrix is there at an 11. But if you ignore Bellatrix, so first, Narcissa asks, “Will you intervene? Will you ask the Dark Lord? Will you try to get Draco out of this?” And Snape, getting all his PTSD flashbacks to the last time a woman he cared about was in the Dark Lord’s crosshairs, a woman named after a flower and he wanted to kill her son, Snape is like, “Nope, not doing it! Doesn’t end well.” Then Narcissa’s second request is, “Will you do the thing so Draco doesn’t have to?” At which point Snape is like, “I think I eventually have to, but I can’t do it now because the Dark Lord said Draco has to do it.” The third ask is, “Will you watch over him? Will you help him?” And then he’s like, “Yes.” That’s when the Unbreakable Vow comes in. So they clasp hands, Bellatrix whips out her wand, and the first two clauses in the Unbreakable Vow are exactly what they just talked about. “Will you watch over Draco?” “Yes, I will.” “Will you help him as best you can?” “Yes, I will.” And then she just pulls one out of the hat and is like, “Also, will you kill him if Draco won’t?” She just goes back to the second clause out of nowhere; we thought the question was settled. And that’s when Snape’s hand is twitching holding hers, but he’s in way too deep at that point. He can’t say no; they’re already vowing. And so with his twitching hand, he says, “Yes,” and that’s when we get Bellatrix’s astonished face as the third tongue of flame comes from her wand. So Narcissa 100% trapped him there at the end. Snape did not want to make that third vow, he did not want to commit to killing Dumbledore in Draco’s stead, but she got him.

Laura: Yeah, I love that.

Andrew: Well, and Snape’s hand twitching during this moment with the third ask, I think, just locks in your theory here. This is absolutely right.

Irvin: Yeah, and so the chapter in my book is about whether or not that was premeditated on Narcissa’s part, which I mean, spoiler alert, I say no, but I lay out the whole thing.

Eric: Yeah, I think she’s too emotional to have premeditated anything other than going to see him and hoping he can help. But it’s fascinating to think about, especially because it is a gotcha. And it very rarely occurs to me, but definitely this chapter is the time to think about it, that Snape probably has affection toward Dumbledore.

Irvin: Yes.

Eric: There’s no place for him ever to show it, but this is the man that has offered Snape a redemption for his actions, and it’s the man that singlehandedly is… where I don’t think Snape likes Voldemort.

Irvin: No.

Eric: I don’t think Snape has ever seen Voldemort as anything other than unappealing since the Lily death incident. But this twitch of him having to commit to killing Dumbledore… first of all, love to know what that conversation is like. [laughs] “How’d it go with the sisters?” “Well, Headmaster, I said I’m going to kill you.” But no, having to actually do the deed and kill this person… I mean, we get to see it happen, and Snape is miserable when he does it.

Irvin: Well, and to your point about Dumbledore, I think we see a bit of Dumbledore in Snape in this scene, just because Snape’s sense of humor in this scene is… I mean, it’s pretty uncharacteristic of him, just when we see him interacting with students, but his sardonic little comments and the way he’s enjoying himself at Bellatrix’s expense, it’s very reminiscent of Dumbledore. In fact, it’s kind of reminiscent of Dumbledore in the very next chapter, when Dumbledore shows up at the Dursleys’ place and is like, “Hehehe.” So yeah, I think they are pretty much friends, and that Dumbledore is rubbing off on Snape.

Eric: Well, it’s so interesting because we talked about how Snape isn’t bullying people like he bullies students in this chapter, but next chapter, Dumbledore is bullying the Dursleys 100%. [laughs] Forcing the glasses to keep bonking them on the…

Laura: They deserve it.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. No, look, everyone deserves it, but at the same time…

[Andrew and Irvin laugh]

Andrew: Everyone?

Eric: No, it’s interesting to draw the comparison between Snape and Dumbledore as their tactics and their interactions with other adults. Snape and Dumbledore are entwined this whole book. I love that we see a lot more Dumbledore in this book, especially coming off of Book 5, because we saw next to nothing. The Snape facet… for this being Snape’s book, right? It’s named the Half-Blood Prince; it’s named after him. Snape is not really in it that much that I can recall. This is what I’m going to be paying a lot of attention to as we read this book. By the time we get to “Flight of the Prince” or whatever, and Snape reveals, “It is I, the Half-Blood Prince,” feels a little afterthought-y kind of thing. So I’m going to pay extra attention to every time we see Snape helping Draco, every time we can guess that he and Dumbledore have had a conversation, because there’s probably some really interesting stuff there.

Andrew and Irvin: Yeah.

Laura: Definitely.

Irvin: I feel like Half-Blood Prince… there’s a lot about Snape. We don’t have as many scenes of Snape being all up in Harry’s face, but people are always talking about him, seeing him, running into him, talking about someone else talking with him… he sort of… he’s the name on everyone’s lips in Half-Blood Prince.

Eric: Ahh. It’s gonna be Sevy.

Micah: He’s there through the book, very similar to Chamber of Secrets, right?

Laura: True.


Superlative of the Week


Laura: Well, that was a wonderful setup for this week’s MVP. Given the fact that we talk a lot about how Dumbledore is such a chess master, this chapter actually highlights Snape doing some of that, and it’s very clear he’s been inspired by his mentor. So I wanted to ask for this week’s MVP, who is the better chess master, Snape or Dumbledore?

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: I’m going to give it to Snape, because – I think I quoted this line earlier – he says, “I have played my part well.” He says that to a mistrusting Bellatrix. Snape is out there on the front lines of playing the part; that is not easy. And I also think you know you’re confident in your abilities when you speak about yourself in the third person. “[Dumbledore] has never stopped trusting Severus Snape, and therein lies my greatest value to the Dark Lord.” [laughs]

Eric: Man. Couldn’t have said it better. Snape is completely singular in his ability to do what needs to be done here. There are very few people, and in fact – like I said, singular – Snape is the only one that can double agent Voldemort, the most accomplished Legilimens ever.

Micah: I’ve got to give it to Dumbledore.

Andrew: Whoa.

Micah: Dumbledore is the better chess master because… well, Andrew, you said Snape makes the point, “I have played my part well,” but he’s played it well at the direction of Dumbledore.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: So kudos to Albus. But I think Snape is the much better liar.

Laura: That’s fair enough. I think I’m going to have to give it to Snape, though, just because he has to play both sides of the fence on this. So we know there are times where he has to figure out how he’s going to adapt Dumbledore’s strategy in the moment, when something like an Unbreakable Vow comes up.

Irvin: I’m going to have to give it to my guy, Dumbledore, because I’m just saying, he didn’t get trapped into promising to do something or his life is forfeit.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: Yeah, Dumbledore would never be so vulnerable.

Irvin: He would not. Dumbledore would not end up making any Unbreakable Vows.

Eric: He would just check out, an entire book. Everyone would wonder where he is, why he’s not talking to me.

Micah: He would just put on a ring and… oh.

[Irvin laughs]

Eric: Yeah, oh. Too soon.


Lynx Line


Laura: All right, well, now we’re going to get into this week’s Lynx Line. MuggleCast listeners who are Slug Club members over at Patreon.com/MuggleCast have answered this week’s question, which is: Snape’s childhood home is clearly a little drab. If Snape’s home were the subject of a home makeover show, what would it be called?

Andrew: Leah said, “Property Prince.” Jessie said, “Love It or Hex It.” Kim said, “Help, I’ve Wrecked My Dungeon!” Michael said, “Turning Oily-Haired People’s Houses into Luxury Ones.” Matthew said, “Dank Dungeons and Dead Mums.” Oof.

[Irvin laughs]

Laura: Oof!

Andrew: I don’t know if HGTV will go with that. Jared said, “Our… New… Celebrity Home.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Jared – I think this is the same Jared – also said, “50 Shades of Black.” Carly said, “This week on ‘House-Elf Handiwork,’ we’re turning this home on Spinner’s End into a Spinner’s Trend!”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Ahh, Spinner’s Trend.

Andrew: And finally, Rachel said, “Plaster Faster Potion Master.” Love it.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Laura: Very creative.

Micah: I read that… I’m not going to say what I read that as.

Eric: Okay.

Andrew: Oh, Micah.

Micah: I thought it… “Please Faster, Potion Master.”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: “Build this house faster,” Micah means. The Lynx Line is a great way to have your voice heard on the show, whether or not you’re listening live. We ask a new question every week, so become a member of our community today by going to Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledging, and if you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. And next week, Chapter by Chapter will continue with Half-Blood Prince Chapter 3, “Will and Won’t.” Harry will appear in this chapter. Yay!

[Irvin laughs]

Andrew: Visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all of the information you need about the show. And if you’re looking for more podcasting from the four of us, listen to our other shows, Millennial and What the Hype?!, for more pop culture and real world talk.


Quizzitch


Andrew: Now it’s time for Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question, based on “Spinner’s End”: The silk that’s made by the Darwin’s Bark Spider is the toughest biological material ever studied by man. What country in the world does the Darwin’s Bark Spider call home? The correct answer was Madagascar. 7% of people with the correct answer did not look this up, so I guess it was a hard one. Oops. But correct answers were submitted by A Healthy Breeze; Count Ravioli, our old friend; Dumbledore on Baywatch; Fidgeting with a Lime Green Bowler; How much wood would a witch duck chuck if a witch duck could chuck wood?; I play Fluffy’s Harp; Insert Witty Pun Here; Julie Anne Fae; King Julian; Laura’s Previous Umbrella Academy Heckler and now I don’t know what to call myself, please give me ideas; I like to move it, move it; Naina K.; and Wifed-Up-Hufflepuff.

Micah: That’s a Madagascar reference, right?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: “I like to move it, move it.” Yeah. “Move it!” Okay, here is next week’s Quizzitch question: In this chapter, Snape and Narcissa make a grown-up version of a pinky promise. The origins of pinky promises started in Japan, where they are known as yubikiri. According to yubikiri, what would happen to someone who broke a pinky promise? Interesting tradition. Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form located on the MuggleCast website. Go to MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or if you’re already on our website – maybe you’re checking out transcripts or the must-listens page – click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav bar.

Andrew: Irvin, thank you so much for joining us on the show today, and can you remind everybody where to find your book? Which is out now!

Irvin: Yes, please find my book! I mean, pretty much everywhere you find books – bookstores, online, etc., libraries – but you can find all the information at Malfoys.com, and you can find me promoting the book with wizard rock and all manner of shenanigans in New York City on October 17. And also, if you want to listen to me podcast about Harry Potter for three hours at a time, I do have a Harry Potter podcast called the Three Broomsticks, that we’ve had Eric and Andrew on before. Was lots and lots of fun.

Andrew: Yeah, fantastic.

Eric: Love it.

Irvin: So give that a listen.

Andrew: Awesome. Well, congrats on your second Harry Potter book now.

Irvin: Thank you so much.

Andrew: How did you get the domain Malfoys.com, by the way? That seems like…

Irvin: I have no idea! I literally was searching domains, and I searched “Malfoy,” and Malfoys.com came up, and I was like… I honestly was like, “Did I misspell Malfoys?”

Eric: Right.

Irvin: I went and checked. I was like, “Surely…” And no, it was available for $20 a year. And I was like, “Well, then!”

Andrew: That’s crazy.

Irvin: So Malfoys.com. Well, because no one ever knows how to spell my last name, so I have a website under my name, but that’s no use to anyone when I’m talking.

Eric: I’m going to look up and see if BaywatchDumbledore.com is available.

[Andrew and Irvin laugh]

Eric: That could be pretty exciting.

Andrew: I’m going to guess yes.

Irvin: Not a chance. Way too popular.

Micah: I like how you’ve called this Malfoy Con 2025.

Irvin: I mean, I’m doing three days of Harry Potter activities. It’s pretty much a con.

Andrew: Thanks, everyone, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Irvin: And I’m Irvin.

Andrew: Bye, everyone!

Laura: Bye, y’all.

Andrew and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #723

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #723, Fudge’s Therapy Session (HBP Chapter 1, The Other Minister)


Cold Open


Micah: And the fact that Fudge would be a little bit looser with the Muggle Prime Minister, one reason could just be because he knows that this person’s not going to share any of this information with anybody else, so even if he praises Dumbledore, it’s not like the Muggle Prime Minister is going to go run and tell him.

Andrew: [laughs] It’s like his therapist. “Dumbledore is so cool and smart.”

Micah: That’s exactly what I was going to say. It’s almost like a therapy session for Fudge.


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: And I’m Micah

Andrew: And we are your trio this week! We’re your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books and the movies and the upcoming TV show, so make sure you press that follow button in your favorite podcast app, and that way you’ll never miss a week with your Harry Potter friends. And this week, a new chapter, if you will, of MuggleCast, because we are kicking off our Chapter by Chapter reread of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. But first, if you love this show and want to help us keep it running as smoothly as Scrimgeour’s lion-esque locks feel, we invite you to become a member of our community at Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and by supporting us there, you can get instant access to two bonus episodes every month, plus ad-free episodes of MuggleCast, access to our livestreams, a personal video “Thank you” message from one of the four MuggleCasters, a physical gift delivered by owl each year, and a lot more. We’ll actually have a new bonus out this week in which we’re analyzing the full cast audiobook covers, which were just released by Audible. They are beautiful and very unique, so we’ll talk about those in bonus MuggleCast this week.


News


Andrew: So that’s the business out of the way, but some congratulations are in order this week, too, right?

Eric: Let’s pop it over to Micah Tannenbaum in the MuggleCast News Center for this week’s news update.

Micah: That was so smooth, Eric. Yeah, you know what? I feel like the news is always blah, especially in these last couple of months. Maybe we can extend that out even further. But this was something that I really found to be enjoyable, and that is Gary Oldman is now Sir Gary Oldman. He was knighted by Prince William earlier this week, on Tuesday. And Eric, you actually had a really nice catch there, and I’m not going to steal your thunder, so the floor is yours.

Eric: All right, I think I have to pull up the text, make sure I get it right… he put the “Sir” in Sirius.

Andrew: Ohhh, I see.

Eric: Meaning Prince William, and now they’ve got the “Sir” in Sirius.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Ahh.

Eric: There’s a thing. Yes! Gary Oldman, Sir Gary. But the photos of him that Micah continues to text me – even right now, he’s sent five since we started recording – of the ceremony… Mr. Oldman is very… or Sir Oldman. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, get it right.

Eric: He didn’t go all that way to being called “Mister.”

Micah: And that’s weird, too. “Sir old man.”

Eric: Sir Oldman. He just looks chuffed. He just looks happy to be there; he’s very, very excited. It’s obviously an honor.

Micah: All the articles that I’ve come across, too, have talked about how Prince William, which I think we knew is a huge Harry Potter fan, but then also a huge fan of Slow Horses as well, which I know in the last episode of MuggleCast we mentioned Season 5 just dropped. So that must have been a cool experience. I’m sure Prince William has many a cool experience, but to knight Gary Oldman, to knight Sirius Black, is pretty cool.

Eric: And especially because we’re feeling the loss in Sirius. He gets a name drop in this chapter we’re going to be discussing, but it’s just devastating to be reading in a Potter book world without him.

Andrew: Well, for you. I’m not a huge Sirius fan, so I don’t mind it so much.

Eric: [laughs] It’s just another chapter, really.

Andrew: Just another chapter, yeah.

Eric: Just another character in the books.

Andrew: It’s a great chapter.


The release of Half-Blood Prince


Andrew: So let’s jump into Chapter by Chapter. We’ll start with Half-Blood Prince Chapter 1, “The Other Minister.” I like to start each Chapter by Chapter series, if you will, with a quick look back at the release of each book that we’re discussing. So Half-Blood Prince was released July 16, 2005, meaning it just celebrated its 20th birthday a couple of months ago.

Eric: Yeah, I was going to say, how did we miss that? But that’s because we were also celebrating our 20th birthday last month.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah.

Eric: So that explains it.

Andrew: Eric, do you remember where you were for the midnight release of HBP?

Eric: I do. I was the only person from MuggleNet to be in Ohio. Several staffers were at Spellbound in a mall outside of Chicago in one of the suburbs; I think it was this big event, big book release, and the stores of this mall all converted to Diagon Alley. But the same thing was happening in a town called Hudson in Ohio, and it was this up-and-coming new little town. They had basically the equivalent of a Jamba Juice, and I was recruited to be the master of ceremonies for this little party that they had, and the whole town marching band came out and played “Hedwig’s Theme,” and it was this wonderful little thing for the Learned Owl Bookstore, which I believe is still around. And it was a fun event, although I had major FOMO because I was calling, I think, Ben or Kevin, and one of them said that the other had been spoiled on Book 6…

Micah: It was probably Kevin.

Eric: … which I think Kevin just kept getting spoiled every single book, which is very funny, given the experience around him and Deathly Hallows too.

Micah: “Spoiled” in quotation marks. I feel like Kevin…

Eric: Yeah, yeah. But no, it was a perfectly delightful party. And I’m curious where you guys were? Because we didn’t have… I know I mentioned a moment ago, but the start of MuggleCast, but that was only a couple weeks later, two or three weeks after the book release. But if you had found me on July 20 and said something about a podcast, or something about Andrew and Micah, I wouldn’t have known you guys, really, as well.

Micah: For me, this was my introduction to Harry Potter. This was my introduction to an official book release, a midnight release. I had a friend who worked at Barnes & Noble, so he was able to help me secure a copy of the book, and as I said at the time, I had just gone through the first five books earlier that summer, so I was very eager to get my hands on Half-Blood Prince. I really had not yet been introduced to the fandom; I probably had been on MuggleNet reading the editorials – that’s the extent of it – but little did I know, kind of what you were saying, Eric, that in just about a month after, things would change.

Eric: Our lives would all change forever!

Micah: And here we are 20 years later.

Eric: On a path that led us directly here to this recording studio.

Andrew: And like we were teasing Micah a few weeks ago, some of us had to wait years between Book 5 and 6, and we hated it. It was a very painful wait. You had it kind of easy in that regard; you only had to wait a few weeks, right? For me, I think I have the most boring story in terms of getting Half-Blood Prince; I’m pretty sure I just ordered it from Amazon, and they had it delivered to me on release day.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: That in itself was very cool for 20 years ago.

Eric: That was cool.

Andrew: It felt revolutionary at the time. But yeah, I went to midnight releases for Goblet and Order and Deathly Hallows.

Eric: Oh, wow.

Andrew: But for some reason, I didn’t do Half-Blood Prince, and I’m not sure why. But I do remember that Amazon shipped the Half-Blood Prince books in special boxes, special packaging, so that part was exciting. But yeah.

Eric: Do you still have your box?

Andrew: You know what? I ended up getting a box from a bookstore. I think I went to one the next day or something.

Eric: Oh, one of those embargo, “Do not open till July”? Yeah, those are classic.

Micah: You were in the dumpster.

Andrew: Yeah, I was dumpster diving.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Micah: It’s okay. There’s no judgment.

Eric: No, but that’s exciting. I mean, I think we, over the years, have heard from people, too, who did the Amazon thing, or were going on a family trip and were worried that the Amazon thing wouldn’t arrive, so then they ended up going to a local Barnes & Noble instead anyway, and then they got home after the trip and they had two copies. So I mean, I just think it’s a wonderful look back on to how excited we all were for this book. And if it was your first book release party, that’s great, because it wasn’t the last.

Andrew: Yeah. I wish I went to one, but that’s okay. Half-Blood Prince did sell 6.9 million copies in the US alone in its first 24 hours…

Eric: Nice.

Andrew: … making it, at the time, the fastest-selling book in history. Its record would later be beaten by Deathly Hallows, of course, a couple of years later.

Eric: Not Cursed Child, the script book?

Andrew: No, believe it or not. Barnes & Noble reported sales averaging 105 copies per second in the first hour of sales, so midnight releases.

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: It was also the first book in the series to be shorter than the book that preceded it, which was nice for us kids. Ah, something lighter to hold in our hands.

Eric: Oh, man. That’s for sure.

Andrew: And then, of course, MuggleCast, like we’ve been saying, would begin about three weeks later. So that’s what was going on at the time.


Chapter by Chapter: Pensieve


Eric: Speaking of throwbacks, you may remember that on our most recent read-through of Order of the Phoenix, we had a segment called the MuggleCast Time-Turner, featuring Michael Gambon. We’re changing that segment; we like to change things up in between books for Chapter by Chapter segments, and we’re still going to be looking back to the most recent time that these chapters were discussed in this book, but this time, it’s going to be through the MuggleCast Pensieve, a new segment that we’ve whipped up. This episode, or this chapter, was last discussed on MuggleCast Episode 376, nearly 350 episodes ago, and it was recorded and released for July 16, 2018.

Dumbledore: What you are looking at are memories. This is perhaps the most important memory I’ve collected.

[Sound of memory uncorking]

[Sound of plunging into Pensieve]

Micah: For Scrimgeour, people thought that this was a description of the Half-Blood Prince. Clearly not.

Eric: Or Godric Gryffindor.

Micah: Yeah, that was another one. But that would be quite a feat for Godric to pull off.

Andrew: Does anyone else remember being a little disappointed when they found out that this description that we were debating about forever was just the new Minister for Magic? It just seemed a little disappointing to me, because there were so many more exciting ideas, like Godric Gryffindor or the Half-Blood Prince. [laughs]

Eric: Well, at this point, I don’t think it had ruled out that he could be the Half-Blood Prince, so that would be cool.

Andrew: Well, that’s true, that’s true.

[Sound of exiting Pensieve]

Dumbledore: This memory is everything.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Well done.

Eric: [laughs] He’s just there selling it for us, so thank you, Dumbledore.

Andrew: Yeah, every memory will “be everything.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: Every memory will be better than the last.

Andrew: Yes, true.

Eric: So that was the MuggleCast Pensieve segment.

Micah: One of the things that I really like about this memory, though, is it is a good throwback to when things were teased by the author on her website in advance of a book release, and Scrimgeour’s description led to many theories, and very few, if any, people really got it right.

Andrew: Yeah, we weren’t expecting the wizarding world to expand like this and that we were going to be hearing from the Muggle Minister.

Eric: Yeah, this blows the lid off. Really just unexpected. The individual chapters that are away from Harry’s perspective are always really interesting, and this one just completely, again, changed the game. It was a deeper level of storytelling that was warranted by the world-building that had been done up to that point.

Micah: And I know that we’re doing a bit of nostalgia here, looking back to book releases, but J.K. Rowling revealing things on her website really got people excited. And it was everything from book titles to release dates to descriptions, in this case, of characters, so… chapter titles, I think, even for Half-Blood Prince were done, right?

Eric: Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think this one might have been from the publisher, because it was a back of the book or insert description of the lion-maned individual. But I have a confession, you guys, because I would always cheat about how to open the door on J.K. Rowling’s website.

Micah: You looked on MuggleNet, didn’t you?

Eric: I looked on MuggleNet. I always had to figure out how to open the door, how to do the WOMBATs, how to do the… I was never good at figuring it out myself.

Andrew: I do think Micah is right that this quote about the other Minister, or about Scrimgeour, was teased on her website. I do vaguely remember that.

Eric: Okay.

Andrew: Because I’m also looking in the book and I don’t see a quote on it. Maybe it was on the UK edition? I don’t know.

Eric: Okay. Yeah, I thought it was Scholastic maybe did something. But yeah, either way, this era doesn’t exist anymore, and it was really a moment in time, to what you’re saying, Micah. The locked door on the website and everything about that website, actually, really showcases the very unique relationship between the author and us back then.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Eric: Diving into Chapter 1, “The Other Minister,” I did want to ask: Is this anybody’s favorite chapter in the whole series?

Andrew: Oooh.

Eric: Because I kind of think it’s mine, to be honest.

Micah: Okay.

Eric: Okay, I guess not yours. Okay.

Micah: No, I didn’t know if you were going to…

Andrew: [laughs] I think Micah is waiting for you to explain.

Eric: Yeah, I just think, what I was saying a moment ago, about it being the right amount of world-building at the right time. If this chapter were in any other book, it might have been too soon to explain how the wizarding world is hiding and yet also reporting to the Muggle governments of the world, and this just gives a perfect insight right at a time of crisis. So I like it. Even though most of the chapter itself is a flashback to a character that we never, ever see again, the British Prime Minister, I find it just is delightful and funny, and I really like it.

Micah: Yeah. For me, I wouldn’t say it’s one of my favorite, but I will say it’s definitely unique, because it’s one of only a handful of chapters that isn’t from Harry’s perspective. In fact, Half-Blood Prince is the only book where we get back-to-back chapters…

Eric: Dos.

Micah: … “The Other Minister,” and then next week, when we discuss “Spinner’s End” – without Harry to start, and that’s certainly different for a series that we always have him right at the start, for the most part. I really like the chapter because it tells the reader right off the bat that the return of Voldemort is a problem that extends beyond Hogwarts, beyond Harry, and that Voldemort is one bad dude, and bleep is real now. This is real. It’s a real world problem.

Eric: It sets the stage. Yeah, exactly, exactly. We spend every book being like, “Ah, Voldemort is probably going to come back at the end and things are going to be terrifying, but it’s going to be okay.” And following the last book, things are very much not going to reset to okay.

Andrew: Yeah. Because Harry is not in this opening chapter, I hesitate to call it my favorite opening chapter. I just feel like, for me, I need Harry in an opening chapter to call it one of the top chapters. But I do love – like you were saying, Eric – the significant world-building that is happening here. We’re seeing how the Minister of Magic has to work with the Muggle Prime Minister and how these worlds have to coexist, and that was very interesting lore to experience.

Eric: Yeah, the political reality and the struggles that the British Prime Minister is facing, even outside of the… before Fudge shows up and gets involved, is just really interesting. And it’s funny, because being a British person, too, J.K. Rowling… you always have a unique insight, I think, when you’re writing about the leader of your own country and what that might be like. So yeah, years before The Casual Vacancy, here’s a political story being told to us, and I love it. I just think it’s deeply funny, where Casual Vacancy is not. But I love it.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: So yeah, here’s a question for you guys… or here’s an idea. I have our first “Max that” of the book.

Andrew: Oooh.

Eric: So we meet the Muggle Prime Minister in this chapter and he’s doing his thing when Fudge arrives, and as soon as Fudge begins to speak, we then get kind of a recap of the previous times Fudge has been in the office. When Sirius Black broke out, obviously, they needed to coordinate. This is something we’ve seen before in the Harry Potter books, because we saw Black on the Dursleys’ television, so of course, there must have been a conversation there. Very exciting. Also, when the Quidditch World Cup Death Eaters rampage and all of that. My thing is, rather than waiting until Season 6 of the Max TV show, what if we started to get these little tidbits with the British Prime Minister and Fudge starting as early as they begin? So Season 3, and we could build up the relationship between these two men in a more dynamic, kind of expanded way. Wouldn’t that be neat?

Andrew: That would be cool. Yeah, and then I guess that adds a lot more weight to this scene in the opening episode of Half-Blood Prince, when Fudge has to share the news with the Prime Minister that he’s not the Minister of Magic anymore. I can see that, yeah.

Eric: Okay. Yeah, I think it would be cool for pacing if we already knew these guys. The big deal for me…

Andrew: [imitating David Yates] “Think of the pacing.”

Eric: [laughs] [imitating David Yates] “Always think of the pacing. And never park it.”

Andrew: [imitating David Yates] “It’s darker than ever.”

Micah: I’m here for a cameo.

Eric: Yeah. But no, I think that that would be something that’s really neat. And really, the only failing is we don’t really see the Muggle PM again. He should have shown up in the 19 Years Later, and his kid should have been a wizard. That’s what I think.

Andrew: Yeah, or even to expand on your “Max that” idea, just getting a better look at the Muggle world and how it plays with… how it dances with the wizarding world.

Eric: I like that, that word “dance,” that characterization.

Andrew: How they coexist.

Eric: Also, but here’s what reminded me, or how I thought of this segment for “Max that” to begin with, is those shots that we got of Dedalus Diggle and Vernon Dursley that we talked about. So Dursley’s day at work, going to Grunnings and seeing all these people in cloaks because Voldemort has been gone for the first day. That will give us that insight as to what these groups of wizards in public look like, feel like, think like, act like, and that’s a perspective that’s in the books, but has never been adapted to film. So I’m a big fan of let’s try and Max this, this Prime Minister chapter as well.

Andrew: Well, it better be included, for sure.

Micah: You were inspired by the Diggle Wiggle?

Eric: The Diggle Wiggle, yes. And I’m also inspired when we play the sound of static.

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

Andrew: Oh. [laughs] I thought you were moving to an ad break or something. I was confused.

Eric: They’re here! Got the clip! Yeah. And we are treated in this chapter to the recollections and life of the British Prime Minister, the proud owner of a new gerbil that he has to figure out what to do with. [laughs] You know, I couldn’t help throughout this chapter but feel sorry for the British Prime Minister.

Andrew: Aww.

Eric: He has had a week! And it’s not his fault. It has nothing to do with his government, his administration, much as they have come under fire in the news media, as he laments in this chapter. But he has had a heck of a stressful week due to all these circumstances out of his control that are all due to Voldemort coming back, and a particular area where I felt saddest for him was when he talked about… he thinks about seeing the face of the opposition party guy who is kind of mirthfully saying, “Oh, it’s a dark time for this country,” and blaming all of these things on this administration. So I just felt that that was a great characterization. You really feel for the situation that he’s in.

Andrew: Yeah, because he has no idea why any of these things are happening, and that would be an incredibly frustrating situation to be in. At least now he is getting some answers, but it’s like – to your point, Eric – there’s nothing they can do about what’s going on, and this is going to be really bad for this Prime Minister politically, because when things do get bad in the country that they are overseeing, people want change and want to vote out the incumbent and vote out the leading political party, the dominant political party. So this is one reason why this is hitting the Muggle Prime Minister so hard. And he has no good answers as to why these things are happening, and his political opponent is like, “We’ve got to get him out, he sucks, he’s screwing everything up…”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, you really do feel for the guy.

Eric: Yeah, and I wonder if things had gotten worse, because Voldemort is not defeated till the following year, at the end of the following year, Harry’s… May of, what, two years from now, probably, or… yeah. So what exactly…? We never see the Prime Minister again. I just wonder how things got so much worse for him, because the disappearances probably didn’t stop. And in fact, when the Ministry is actually fallen, one can only guess at what the situation for the Muggles would be with Voldemort pretty much in charge completely in the following year.

Micah: Would assume it would have been a rocky stretch for this Muggle Prime Minister, a period of time that unless the wizarding world intervened on his behalf at some later point to erase the memory of what happened, likely is a stain on his term in office. And what’s terrible is that it’s all beyond his control; there’s really nothing that he can do.

Eric: Yeah, and I just feel bad because the only person to tell him what’s going on is incompetent, is Cornelius Fudge, who’s not even the other Minister at this point!

Andrew: He’s the other other Minister.

Eric: The other other former…

Micah: We don’t know that early on.

Eric: No, we don’t, we don’t. But this is why, as a reader, I feel bad, is because Scrimgeour has essentially delegated the task of dutifully informing the Muggle Prime Minister to Fudge indefinitely. He says, “You’ll never see me again, probably, but Fudge is going to be doing it.”

Micah: I’m glad, though, that you referenced the title of this chapter, because it has a double meaning.

Eric: Ah.

Andrew: Yeah, and that’s why we were all fooled as readers, I think, because Micah, I think you’re right that this title was teased on J.K. Rowling’s website.

Micah: There was, I think, three chapter titles that we got. “Draco’s Detour” comes to mind as being one.

Eric: “Felix Felicis.”

Micah: “Felix Felicis” was another. There was three of them, if I recall.

Eric: I think “Spinner’s End” was the other.

Andrew: Yeah, so I’m just finding an article on MuggleNet right now, actually. October 31, 2004, the mysterious door on the author’s site was opened, and it did reveal within three chapter titles.

Eric: Yeah, it’s “Spinner’s End,” “Draco’s Detour,” and “Felix Felicis.”

Andrew: Pretty interesting.

Eric: But in classic fashion, I’m sure we were speculating “Who’s Felix?”

Andrew: Yeah. [laughs]

Eric: “Is Felix the Half-Blood Prince?”

Andrew: “Have we seen that Felicis surname before?” Everybody’s flipping through the books trying to find a clue.

Eric: “Yeah, is it anywhere else?” Yeah. We didn’t necessarily have MuggleCast, but I think those were valid questions to be asking. So yeah, the big thing for me… and we can enumerate some of these awful things, but they’re really awful. They’re particularly bad. I mean, the bridge collapse… we’re going to get there. That bridge was new; it’s ridiculous to assume they’re not spending enough on bridges. But I want to talk about giants escaping. The West Country. This is a through line to the Death Eaters courting the giants in the previous book, that Hagrid subplot that everyone forgets or doesn’t care about, including me. But the giants are on the loose in the West Country, and near as they can figure it, the Muggles think a hurricane went through, because everything is crushed! How terrifying would it be for you as a Muggle if your little quaint seaside town or mountainside town was just demolished one day? It didn’t even rain!

Micah: I really do like, though, Eric, how you laid this all out, because this is all due to Fudge’s incompetency.

Eric: Yes.

Micah: Every single one of these items that come up that have impacted the Muggle world as well as the wizarding world is all due to Fudge’s unwillingness to believe that Voldemort was back when Dumbledore told him not that long ago. Or what, beginning of Book 5? Maybe we give Fudge a little bit of grace, but…

Eric: No, that’s exactly right. And the fact that last year, somebody from the Order – Hagrid, and Maxime if she’s Order adjacent – had to go and court the giants, and the Death Eaters were doing it, but nobody from the Ministry was there to do it as a third party to keep things under wraps. I mean, you can imagine it’d be too many cooks; maybe the giants would get confused and stomp some of them just to make it easier to understand. But they didn’t even try. So this is… to your point, Micah, it goes straight back to Fudge, where the reason that the giants are running rampant is because they’ve aligned themselves with the Death Eaters, just like the Dementors, and who can blame them? Because Fudge and other wizards have been neglectful of what each race really wants or needs.

Micah: Yeah. And now that Voldemort has been exposed, was exposed at the end of Order of the Phoenix in the Ministry, he has no reason to operate in secrecy, and that’s why all these things are happening.

Eric: Right, yeah. Before, I guess, there was plausible deniability. But so moving on from that hurricane that wasn’t a hurricane, Herbert Chorley, one of the Junior Ministers, is now quacking like a duck.

Andrew: [laughs] We’ve all been there.

Eric: This is delightful. Yeah, yeah, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s Herbert Chorley.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But turns out, we find out throughout the course of the dialogue in this chapter, it’s maybe an Imperius Curse gone wrong. But if you read between the lines and actually listen to what’s being said, the Imperius Curse being gone wrong comes from it probably being placed on him by an unskilled wizard, which means that Voldemort has declared open season, not just for his most loyal, competent followers, but pretty much anybody that wants to go and attack a Muggle is welcome to. And it’s really unclear what he was supposed to be doing under the Imperius Curse, but either his resistance or the poorly performed curse means that he’s quacking like a duck, and drawing a lot of uncomfortable attention to himself and to the government.

Andrew: Yeah, and the Prime Minister is like, “Oh, that’ll be resolved soon,” but it’s like, “You really want him around you right now, when he’s unexplainably quacking like a duck?” Something’s got to be really wrong with somebody.

Eric: Well, something’s very wrong; they have no idea. And it’s really only Fudge that says, “We need to take him to our hospital, because this is serious.” If the others had just kind of still tried to, “Okay, come in to work, or work remotely two days and then come in,” there’s no telling who he would have injured or harmed, because he’s attempting to strangle the Healers, according to what Fudge says. So something went dreadfully wrong, and it kind of facilitates or necessitates the need for wizards to be protecting the Muggles right now.

Micah: And this was all due to attempted infiltration, right? On the part of Voldemort and his followers.

Eric: Yeah, it seems so. It seems so. Yeah, and either infiltration to spy, or straight up…

Micah: Control.

Eric: He would have plunged… he could have killed the Minister, somebody in his inner circle, one of the Junior Ministers. We don’t know what Voldemort’s whole game plan is, but I found it to be really interesting, as we’ll get to in a minute. I don’t know about you guys…

Micah: He’d just quack him to death.

Eric: He would quack him to death. You know, early on in MuggleCast history, we did the “101 ways Voldemort should have died,” I think, or should be killed.

Micah: That’s right.

Eric: Yeah, I don’t think quacking was on there, but it should have been.

Andrew: 101: Quacked to death.

Eric: Quacked to death, yeah. But anyway, I don’t know about you guys; I’m pretty seasonally affected. You give me a cloudy day and I’ll just be kind of in my thoughts and not super happy. Well, if you’ve ever been to London, ever been to England in the summertime, it’s even in the summertime, not often sunny, I guess. It’s kind of gloomy all year round.

Andrew: But it’s better. It’s better than the rest of the year.

Eric: It’s better in July, yeah. But this July, it’s straight up cold and misting, just a constant mist in the air, and so everything, every problem that’s going on in the country with people and danger and safety, is compounded by the fact that it’s just been rotten. People looking forward to their little beach trip to the Isle of Wight, and they can’t go, or it’s just too dreadful everywhere.

Andrew: But what’s the truth? What is the truth?

Eric: The Dementors are breeding.

Andrew: Ew! You know, this also reminds me in Southern California, they have something called June Gloom. And you would think, “Oh, California, June, it must be perfect.” Every morning, pretty much, it’s misty/foggy because of the ocean, and as the sun rises, the sun pushes all that mist back out to the ocean. But now I’m wondering if maybe that’s actually Dementors breeding. But this is a gross thought.

Eric: Well, aside from the questions about how it happens or whatever, shouldn’t the Ministry be able somehow to stop this?

Andrew: Nothing stops love, Eric. Nothing stops love.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Not the love of two hooded, cloaked Dementors with their long, bony hands.

Andrew: Yes.

Eric: Yeah, that’s a good answer. I just think they can’t contain them. There probably aren’t enough adult wizards that can cast good enough Patronuses in order to even keep the Dementors at bay if they ever decide to attack. So this is a mess, because pretty soon there’s going to be many more of them, and again, it wouldn’t have happened if Fudge had just listened to Dumbledore.

Micah: I almost imagine some kind of spontaneous replication due to certain conditions, not that there’s actually full on Dementor…

Andrew: Love.

Micah:[censored] going on.

Andrew: [laughs] Love. He said love. I agree that they’re not maybe physical with each other. But are they breeding because they’re happy? Are they breeding because… at Voldemort’s direction? Why is this happening?

Eric: I think it’s because they’re being given hosts in the unsuspecting Muggle public. I think that every living organism needs certain life conditions met, and when it goes into the breeding, it’s because it’s knocked off the higher needs, right, first. So they simply are being, I think, fed. As sad as that is, as horrible as that is to think about, to ponder, I think that the Dementors are finally getting the right diet, and so they’re breeding because it’s the next stage of whatever their crazy wizard-made, as it turns out, life cycle is.

Micah: Kind of like a caterpillar turns into a butterfly…

Andrew: Aww.

Micah: … but on the very far other end of the spectrum.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: No, I think it’s just like that.

Micah: Yeah, I think this, again, just helps to set the scene for what is to come in this book, that things are so bad that Dementors are breeding and spreading even more gloom and unhappiness across the UK.

Eric: Let’s talk about the bridge collapse now. It was a new bridge, less than ten years old, and it snapped cleanly in two. Now, anybody’s watch that this happens on is going to look bad politically, for such a new bridge. It really calls into question who the engineers were, whether inspections are happening enough. Nobody likes to see this happen, especially because I think a dozen cars were plunged into the water; it doesn’t say what the death count was. But what really happened actually stunned me, and I forgot that this was a part of this book. It’s kind of a throwaway line by Fudge. Fudge says to the Muggle Prime Minister that Lord Voldemort threatened Fudge that he was going to collapse a bridge and kill some Muggles if Fudge didn’t stand aside for him to rule the wizarding world.

Andrew: Wow.

Eric: Now, how incompetent do you have to be to have Voldemort calling you straight up and being like, “Move aside”? Just in general, how did it get to that point where Voldemort is relaying a message to Fudge? And then when Fudge didn’t do it, now there’s this crisis. My question is, because Voldemort made a play for the Minister – the Ministry of Magic – right at the beginning of Book 6, which sounds like… I totally forgot this thing existed. What’s his next move? What makes him go underground? Because at this point, he could be Minister in a day and a half from all this chaos.

Micah: I want to see that Max’d, honestly. I want to see how Voldemort approaches Fudge. Presumably, it’s not in person. If it’s a message, how is that delivered? Is it delivered by anybody in particular? Is it just a very ominous letter that’s sitting on his desk at the Ministry one night?

Eric: “Hello, Cornelius.”

Andrew: By breeding Dementors?

Micah: Yeah, somebody in a cloak shows up to hand him a very… maybe it’s a Dementor, yeah. So I don’t know.

Andrew: I feel like it wouldn’t be face to face, because I think that would come up in this conversation, or come up somewhere else. That seems pretty significant.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, he would still do it by proxy, but it would be…

Andrew: Howler. [laughs]

Micah: Yeah. Sorry, what was your question, Eric? I feel like…

Eric: What stops Voldemort from trying the same thing again? There’s more bridges in the world.

Andrew: I think it’s more threatening if you don’t know what Voldemort is going to do next, so maybe it’s a little too predictable if he’s just knocking down bridges left and right.

Micah: Maybe Fudge said, “I call your bluff.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, maybe he was never going to do it. But he did it. But he’s not going to do it again. The big thing for me is maybe this is where Scrimgeour comes in. Maybe this was the final straw earlier in the week, and that’s what caused the wizarding public to scream for Fudge’s resignation.

Micah: He’s much more of a formidable adversary than Fudge, right?

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Micah: Former Auror, not going to take the same level of garbage that Fudge did, certainly not as weak, as far as we know, in the same areas that Fudge was weak in. So yeah, maybe that… I won’t call it a transfer of power, but that change in power caused Voldemort to rethink his tactics a little bit.

Eric: I can see him recalibrating. I really love what you said, Micah, about Scrimgeour not being weak in the same areas that Fudge is. We see Scrimgeour has a deficit here and there, especially about how it relates to using Harry, but yeah, not weak in the same area. So Voldemort recalibrating sounds right to me.

Micah: Right. And let’s not forget where this is leading, ultimately, is Scrimgeour is murdered, and Voldemort does put somebody in place, in Pius Thicknesse, to lead the Ministry. So he does ultimately achieve what he’s looking to do; it just takes another book for us to get there.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Micah: One thing I just did want to mention before we move on, because it is important, is the two murders that are mentioned in Amelia Bones and Emmeline Vance, because Emmeline Vance was a member of the Order of the Phoenix, was a member of the Advance Guard that escorts Harry to Grimmauld Place from Privet Drive, and then Amelia Bones was the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, right? She sat and proceeded over Harry’s trial last year, she has a niece that’s in Hogwarts, and it’s said that Voldemort himself likely took her out; that’s how badass she was. So I think in slow drips we’re starting to hear about either these disappearances or these murders of characters that, for right now, maybe they’re not the main characters that we’ve read a lot about, but they’ve certainly been there in the background.

Andrew: Yeah, and I think it says something that he’s murdering the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. He’s going for kind of the top cop. I think that’s a very scary threat, and I think that sends a message like, “Not even your law enforcement is going to be a match for me. I will take down anybody.”

Eric: That’s a great point. That’s a tremendous point. Yeah, and definitely… I always want to see, for “Max that” again, these moments of adult wizards other than Dumbledore just completely… again, like James and Lily Potter; they thrice defied Voldemort? I want to see it. I want to see Voldemort get defied by these people that won’t take no for an answer that just…

Andrew: The rebellion!

Eric: Yeah! Let’s see all this action that we’ve been denied. Let’s talk about the fact that the Muggle Prime Minister doesn’t really have a choice to see Fudge tonight, on a night when he’s expecting another call. The little man in the portrait…

Micah: You know why, Eric.

Eric: Why is that?

Micah: Because every time Fudge arrives, it is preceded by this.

[Screaming goat sound]

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Micah, what is that? That’s a screaming goat that’s decorated for Halloween?

Andrew: Wow!

Micah: Yes. A very nice gift from Eric.

Andrew: Ohh.

Eric: Yeah, I’m glad it arrived. Yeah, that’s… you know, I actually, for “Max that,” hope that that sound effect plays…

[Micah laughs]

Eric: … because it would be more interesting than a frog-like man coughing. But yeah, there’s pretty much a minute between the portrait coughing and the Muggle Prime Minister having to see Fudge, and he doesn’t really have a say in the matter. There’s sort of an air of wizarding superiority going on here.

Micah: You know what it reminded me of, though, honestly? It’s like when that coworker knocks on your door, or the neighbor knocks on your door that you really don’t want to see, and you’re just like, “Oh my God, what do you want now?”

Andrew: It’s almost like the Umbridge situation in the previous book. “Hem-hem!” And it’s probably a gross cough too. Or it’s a polite cough.

Micah: Maybe it’s a distant relative. You did say frog-like, right?

Eric: Oh, yeah. Huh.

Micah: Anyway.

Eric: No, that’s interesting. But you had a point here, Micah, about the other, other, other, other Minister.

Micah: Yeah, so the Muggle Prime Minister is noted to be wondering when that “wretched man would telephone,” and this is in reference to the president of another foreign country. And I think at least as Americans, it’s interesting, because the natural inclination is for us to assume that it must be the President of the United States, because there’s no other foreign leaders out there that are wretched…

Andrew: Because the world centers around America.

Micah: Of course. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, yeah, pretty much.

Micah: I mean, we were hoping for at least one cameo from an American in the Harry Potter books.

Eric: Well, presumably…

Micah: We did get the Salem Witches, right, at the Quidditch World Cup?

Eric: Yeah, the Academy of… something.

Micah: So what I found interesting, though, about this was that at the time of the writing and publishing of Half-Blood Prince, George Bush is President of the United States, and things were not great, let’s say, around this time. There was obviously a war ongoing and a lot of controversy around that war. However, if we’re to assume the actual timeline of Half-Blood Prince, this would have been, what, mid to late ’90s? Bill Clinton would have been President of the United States. So I’m curious…

Andrew: [imitating Bill Clinton] “Oh, yeah, Micah, yeah, that would be me!” That’s my Bill Clinton.

Micah: [laughs] We need Barry. I’m sorry.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: I’m sure he can do Clinton, if he can do Trump. But yeah, maybe in the author’s mind, she was thinking more present day when she was writing, but it’s hard to say. Maybe it’s just the…

Andrew: I’m inclined to think it was Clinton, because she’s writing about a certain period of time. I think it would be very shallow to be thinking, “Oh, I’m just… this is supposed to be a reflection of the current president, even though it’s set ten years earlier or whatever.”

Eric: Well, you know what’s interesting, is all film and mainstream media depictions of presidents can’t help but reflect on current politics. I’m thinking about Love, Actually, where Hugh Grant is this affable British PM, and then they get Billy Bob Thornton as the US president, who’s sexist and misogynist and uncouth around the edges, and it’s just like, huh, that’s how those British writers saw Bush for some reason at the time. It’s just a reflection… I tend to think that it is more Bush, because why would you call Bill Clinton, who plays the saxophone, a wretched man? I don’t understand.

Andrew: [imitating Bill Clinton] “Ouhhh, Hillary.” I do want to circle back to the idea that wizards have a superiority complex when it comes to Muggles. I thought it was a really good point, and we do see examples of this throughout this chapter. For example, the Prime Minister “did not appreciate being made out to be an ignorant school boy,” when Fudge starts saying, “Didn’t you know these problems were caused by wizards? Duh!”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: How would the Prime Minister know that, or have even reason to assume that? There’s clear separation between these two worlds, and the wizarding world is not front of mind for him. It might not even be 50th place in mind for him. And then another example of the superiority complex is when the Minister of Magic is making all these big decisions that impact the Muggle world.

Eric: Augh.

Andrew: Case in point, bringing dragons and a sphinx into the country without consulting the Prime Minister? He’s like, “By the way, yeah, we did that.” What?

Eric: Yeah, and it’s always last minute. It’s always a “By the way.”

Andrew: Yeah. Right, exactly.

Eric: Which is great characterization of Fudge, but it’s always at the end of the conversation. “Oh, and I’m obligated to tell you that we’re doing this, this, this, this…”

Andrew: Yeah, and then also the portrait hanging in the Prime Minister’s office, and you can’t remove this portrait. You’re forced to be dealing with that and having to answer a call every time the Minister of Magic wants. And that’s, of course, also a privacy nightmare. If I was the Prime Minister, I wouldn’t stand for this secret telephone, this hidden microphone, not-so-hidden microphone just sitting in my office.

Micah: I agree. It’s very much with Fudge, as he kind of dips in and out, “Nothing to see here, nothing to see here…” that kind of mentality.

Eric: Definitely. And it’s disrespectful, ultimately. I mean, Fudge is this way with many people, because he’s not a serious character, but it’s insufficient, at the very least, especially his fellow heads of state. And I would have a few follow-up questions about dragons if I were just told that more dragons were being imported.

Andrew: Yeah. If I were the Muggle Prime Minister, I would say, “You get that portrait out of my office, or else I’m not talking to you anymore. I’ll move offices. I’ll move buildings, if I have to.”

Eric: Oooh.

Andrew: “You can keep putting up portraits; I’ll keep moving.” It’s just ridiculous that the Muggle Prime Minister has to just roll with this. They don’t have any right. The wizarding world doesn’t have any right to place this microphone inside the Prime Minister’s office.

Eric: Yeah. I mean, it is a microphone, even before we find out that Kingsley… that the wizards are placing people with the Prime Minister to spy on him.

Andrew: Right.

Eric: I mean, Kingsley is doing a really good job of everything, but it’s an invasion of privacy. There’s not good decorum, and they’re just going to do it because they’re going to do it.

Andrew: Yeah, the superiority complex. And one reason I call it a microphone is because we see leading up to this book that portraits will pass information back and forth through the portrait network.

Eric: And they’re nosy! Yeah.

Micah: I was going to ask, how is this any different…? So we were talking earlier about how Herbert Chorley is being put under the Imperius Curse by the Death Eaters. Couldn’t you say that it’s no different that the Ministry or the Aurors are snooping on the Prime Minister of the UK, presumably at all hours of every day? I mean, it’s like two sides of the same coin, almost.

Andrew: Yeah. This is a little more hands off, but I see your point, and I agree with you. And you also have to think, if the British Minister of Magic doesn’t have a portrait in every President or Prime Minister’s office, other wizarding communities have to have a similar thing in the White House, for example.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. I think it’s an essential department; whatever the Ministry of Magic is doing, they have to have one Muggle liaison, and it’s probably always the head of state for that group. I think, Andrew, you just said it’s not malicious, or there’s a hands off approach, because I think the big deal here is that even though they could spy on the Muggle Prime Minister, their efforts seem to be entirely about preventing Voldemort from getting to more Muggles. So the motives seem a little altruistic here for them, like putting Kingsley with him and stuff. But this is all coming out of Fudge. It all goes back to Fudge, his inability to really assess and handle the threat that was coming and building to the point where it became this disaster. But something that interested me is why the Muggle Prime Minister doesn’t ask that follow-up question, both about dragons and in general. There’s some characterization where Fudge is like, “Did you think you’ll tell anybody? Because they’ll never believe you,” which is just insulting, and no, the Muggle Prime Minister is like, “No, I don’t think I will.” And here’s my thing: If I were head of a country, I would actually probably feel like it was in my best interest to do my job as the Muggle leader to find out as much as possible about the wizards and the wizarding leaders. And this is a situation where me and the British Prime Minister differ, because the British Prime Minister is like, “I’ve got enough on my plate,” and so I don’t want to blame him for not getting all the info from Fudge, because Fudge is not divulging all the info. But this guy seems pretty content to just worry about his thing, like Fudge told him he could, and it’s just an interesting policy thing. Because you could see a British Prime Minister that keeps calling up the Minister for Magic going, “Do you have a solution for this? A quick, easy solution?”

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. It would be good to have better relations with the Minister of Magic, and also just have a better understanding of the wizarding world. He seems entitled to get that understanding, but he’s not asking for it.

Eric: Yeah, that’s exactly it.

Andrew: Yeah, especially because the wizarding world is so underground. You don’t know anything. You can’t easily get there.

Micah: I’d want to check it out too. Come on, Cornelius.

Andrew: Yeah, give him a tour!

Micah: Give me an invite.

Eric: [laughs] Show me Hogwarts. It worked for Jacob.

Micah: Why can’t I come to the Quidditch World Cup? Or the Triwizard Tournament? You’re bringing in three dragons and a sphinx at my expense? I at least want to be there.

Eric: Yeah, give me a ticket! Oh my God.

Andrew: I need to make sure everything goes okay, so that’s why I must be there. Air quotes.

Eric: Yeah, they would put him in the top box. He’d be there right next to a convicted Death Eater, Barty Crouch, Jr. It’d be great. But yeah, I just think going forward here that maybe the wizards are overcompensating by the fact that they are fewer in number. This oppressive kind of, “We’re putting a portrait here that’s always going to be listening to you, and we’re putting our people in your people and stuff,” is really… oh, the power move of turning the teacup into the gerbil the first time they met. All of that is kind of to intimidate. The purpose is, I think, they’re attempting to be… and even if they’re not attempting to be, they are intimidating a little to the Muggle Prime Minister, and I think that that is exactly how it needs to be, because really, Muggles outnumber wizards by a lot. It’s not close. So they have to show, “Oh, we’ve got this crazy power, and we’re always present, and we’re involved in your affairs,” because it’s a house of cards. If it all came down and people realized how scared they are and how much is at stake, they would run.

Micah: I would like to think there was a time, though, when there was regular communication between the Muggle Prime Minister and the Minister for Magic, and they used that portrait as a go-between, and maybe they met more regularly and worked together. Probably not, just based on the Statute of Secrecy and other things, but that’s my headcanon, at least, and things over time just devolved.

Eric: Yeah, I like that a lot, and because it’s another opportunity to kind of blame Fudge, who’s been in the job for two decades, maybe?

Andrew: Looking at that portrait again, I was wondering if there’s any sort of symbolism in the portrait that’s actually in the office. So it’s a frog-like man in a long silver wig. Is that supposed to be a particularly famous wizard or what? Eric, I think you have a good theory here.

Eric: Yeah, I did a little bit of Googling and found out long silver wigs could be anybody. I think of the American Revolution. I think of the founding fathers. Everybody wore a wig.

Andrew: Me. I wear a silver wig from time to time, a long one.

Eric: Oh, Andrew, you’re always in that. In fact, where is your silver wig? Did you lose it?

Andrew: I forgot it. I forgot it this week, yeah. We’re going to add one to the merch store, though.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: I thought you just wear that in your Tinder profile.

Andrew: [laughs] I gave up with that because too many people were ghosting me.

Eric: Man, there’s been a lot of mileage on the whole “Andrew Sims has a Tinder” thing lately.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: But yeah, so after some Googling, I actually found out where the trend started of people in Britain and the UK wearing long silver wigs. Turns out it comes from France, and the practice, according to Google, of wearing elaborate, often powdered wigs, which were called “periwigs,” was introduced to England by King Charles II after his exile in France in 1660 AD. French King Louis XIV had popularized the fashion to hide his balding head, and it was quickly adopted by the European upper and middle classes. So king does something, everybody else wants to do it so they’re cool, because he’s cool – this is like the origin of the Hallelujah chorus – but it’s a sign of status. Wigs became a symbol of wealth and status in fashionable society. The practice also had its practical side; there was a lot of head lice going around in those days, and wearing a wig when you’re otherwise shaved helped you manage hygiene.

Andrew: What stood out to me here is that wigs became a symbol of wealth and status in fashionable society. This you could kind of tie to “The wizarding community has a superiority complex.” Like, [in a stuffy voice] “Oh, look at us. It’s the wizard hanging in your office. Aren’t we superior? Aren’t we wealthy and have status and fashionable? Hohoho.”

Eric: I like that a lot. Yeah, I just assume that I assumed that this portrait guy was an old barrister or something. He’s like a judge or something in Britain.

Micah: Yeah, so as not to draw attention, too, right? To have a portrait up that would blend in with…

Andrew: That’s true.

Eric: You couldn’t get a bright pink or bright purple Dedalus Diggle guy in your portrait, otherwise the Muggles would suspect something.

Andrew: [laughs] True, true.

Eric: So it’s kind of a nice little straddling the line between the two worlds.

Micah: But to the last point you have here, I know watching a lot of British crime dramas, when you’re in the courtroom, you do see the attorneys or the judges wearing these wigs. It’s common practice.

Eric: Even in modern day. Yeah, so it’s a neat little tradition. But yeah, between the… for our answer, this portrait was probably of a guy who lived from 1660 to the 1680s, when the trend was fully established, and it was a shoulder length wig, and yeah, they’re typically made from horse hair and powdered with white or gray starch. So a bit interesting. I don’t think we ever asked that question, “Who is this guy?” before. [laughs]

Micah: He needs a name.

Andrew: Yeah, because portraits tend to carry some significance. When we see a portrait, we hear the name of the person, typically, and we can figure out why they would be getting their own portrait. So what’s the deal with this guy? We need a name for him, Micah? Is that what you said?

Micah: We do.

Andrew: How about we call him Micah? Goat daddy.

Eric: How about Froggingsworth?

Andrew: Froggingsworth.

Micah: Micah Froggingsworth?

Andrew: Micah Froggingsworth.

Eric: Sir. Esquire?

Micah: So does that mean we have to declare canon?

Andrew: Yeah, and it needs to be added to the wiki. Sir Micah Froggingsworth.

[“I declare canon!” sound effect plays with thunder]

Eric: But Andrew, you also had a point here about a Dumbledore name drop that we get.

Andrew: Yeah, I also wanted to bring up that Fudge told the Prime Minister a couple years ago, we learned in this chapter, that Dumbledore says Voldemort is back, which seems like a pretty big revelation to me, that Fudge was acknowledging the fact that Dumbledore was saying this. He wasn’t totally sticking his head in the sand and not repeating it to anybody else. He had told the Prime Minister a couple years ago that Dumbledore says Voldemort is back! That seems to be pretty big news to me, and it makes me wonder if maybe Fudge respected Dumbledore and his theorizing more than he has let on.

Eric: Well, Fudge has a love/hate relationship with Dumbledore. We know this; he relies on Dumbledore for a lot of that info. And I think, if I’m remembering correctly, what it is is that Dumbledore says Voldemort is not gone. So from the time he first disappears to the time where he eventually comes back… because the Muggle Prime Minister asks, “Is he really gone?” And Fudge says, “You know, Dumbledore says he’s not, but he’ll never explain it properly, and it’s all kind of wonky,” right? So there you see a failure of communication, not from Fudge to the Muggle PM, but from Fudge to Dumbledore, where either Dumbledore has ruled that Fudge is not worth his time, or Dumbledore legitimately is keeping the cards too close to really be able to explain or even speculate in front of Fudge as to something like Horcruxes existing, or why it is he feels that Voldemort is coming back. Because Dumbledore suspected long before Philosopher’s Stone, before Harry’s year one, that Voldemort would come back, that he was out there somewhere, even if he couldn’t prove it. So Fudge acknowledging this – you’re right, Andrew – is huge.

Micah: I do think as readers, though, it’s very important for us to pick up on what you just said, Eric, which is that Dumbledore won’t explain properly to Fudge what’s up with Voldemort. So clearly he has an idea of Horcruxes or something to that effect. But what I’m wondering, though, this relationship between these two Prime Ministers, and the fact that Fudge would be a little bit looser with the Muggle Prime Minister, one reason could just be because he knows that this person’s not going to share any of this information with anybody else, so even if he praises Dumbledore, it’s not like the Muggle Prime Minister is going to go run and tell him.

Andrew: [laughs] It’s like his therapist. “Dumbledore is so cool and smart.”

Micah: That’s exactly what I was going to say. It’s almost like a therapy session for Fudge.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It is. He’s really letting it air all out, yeah, because who’s the Muggle going to tell?

Micah: That could be a title for…

Andrew: I was just typing it out at the top.

Micah: “Fudge’s Therapy Session.”

Eric: I love that.

Micah: That’s really what this whole chapter is. He’s just dumping on this poor guy.

Eric: No, he is. He is. You feel bad for Fudge; he’s so pathetic, and this guy has got enough going on. Yeah, I like that. You know what we named the episode the last time we discussed this chapter? “Half-Blood Prince Chapter 1.” I’m so embarrassed by how formal and boring that is that I didn’t even announce it in the Pensieve segment.

Andrew: Yeah, that was the right call.

Eric: Yeah, thank you. But this is this much better.

Andrew: We have primarily spoken about Fudge today – and it is his therapy session, after all, so I guess that’s why – but we do get to meet Scrimgeour.

Eric: Yeah, the lion man!

Andrew: Yeah! And you can quickly see the differences between Fudge and Scrimgeour. Scrimge-er? This is going to be a whole book of me going, “Scrimge-er? Scrimge-our?” Scrimge-our, I think.

Micah: Well, luckily, he’s not in it that much.

Andrew: True.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Deathly Hallows is another story.

Andrew: The lion man arrives late, if you believe Fudge, and he’s straight to the point with the British Prime Minister. He’s firm. He knows what he wants to do. He just seems way more competent than Fudge has been.

Eric: Well, what I love is that the Muggle PM picks up on this too. Having won at least one election campaign before, the Muggle PM’s take is, “Oh yeah, I can see why the public wanted this guy at a time of war,” and that makes Scrimgeour seem cool, just by kind of getting that level of acknowledgement. It’s almost like a head nod between the two, between Scrimgeour and the Muggle PM there, of “Oh yeah, I get this guy.”

Micah: Right. And Scrimgeour, as we’ve talked about, was former Head of the Auror Office, right? He’s no-nonsense. He delegates responsibility. Fudge is his mouthpiece for right now, his intermediary with the current Prime Minister. But Kingsley is his real eyes and ears, I think, more than anybody. I would bet that it was Scrimgeour who put Kingsley in this position, not Fudge. And Kingsley is doing the hard work, not just the day-to-day desk job that he has to pretend to do, but he’s there to protect arguably the most important person outside the Minister for Magic in the UK. Sorry, Harry.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I think Harry would give you that, too, if you’re looking at the whole world spectrum thing.

Micah: And just in terms of how he might interact with the Muggle Prime Minister… I really wish this guy had a name, because I hate that I have to keep saying “Muggle Prime Minister.”

Andrew: I know.

Eric: Yeah. But then that would date it, and he’d probably just be named…

Andrew: Sir Micah Froggingsworth.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: … Will Finton or something.

Micah: I think we do just need to give Scrimgeour a little bit of grace, because he’s just been thrust into a crazy situation where he has to manage so many different things, and probably this relationship with the Muggle Prime Minister is not high on his list.

Andrew: Definitely.

Eric: We’ll name this British PM “Shmony Shmair.”

Andrew: [laughs] Okay.

Micah: Well, who was the Prime Minister in…?

Eric: Tony Blair.

Andrew: Oh, okay. Let’s go with…

Micah: TB.

Andrew: TB, who wanted to have a phone call with George Bush or Bill Clinton.

Eric: [laughs] We can’t decide who.

Andrew: Depending on who you thought the author was thinking about.

Eric: Closing out the chapter here with his ruminations on Scrimgeour, again, I do think, ultimately, it is a big, perfect description for a guy that we don’t see too much of, to the point of the Pensieve segment. But there’s something to be said for the Ministry trying… I mean, I think what we were talking about, Voldemort maybe having to go back and recalibrate after the bridge incident, is strictly because the next time Voldemort rises is, what, after Bill and Fleur’s wedding in the next book? And he kills Scrimgeour. Scrimgeour shows up to give Harry Dumbledore’s things, and it’s right before whatever move Voldemort makes that takes him. So Voldemort basically spends the next year planning to get rid of Scrimgeour, and it takes him the whole year to do it.


Superlative of the Week


Eric: So anyway, it’s time for the most valuable person in this chapter segment, in which we discuss in this case… there’s so many men in this chapter; it’s all about manly working men all doing good jobs. So who is the best guy doing the best at his job in this chapter?

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Eric: I’m going to give it to the Muggle PM, because he’s doing the best he can with what he’s got.

Micah: Kingsley, for all of the reasons previously stated.

Andrew: And you two picked the best answers, so I’m going to go with Fudge, because he didn’t have to take on this role, still working with Tony Blair, or Shmony Shmair. But he’s there! He’s hanging on! He wants to be a part of the situation. He feels bad [laughs] about the mess he caused, in a way, and he’s trying to fix things. Look, it’s not the best answer, but it’s the third of three options.

Eric: I like that a lot. No, you’re right, Andrew, he doesn’t have to… yeah, Fudge…

Micah: You could have picked Scrimgeour.

Andrew: You just don’t see much of him, though.

Eric: And the portrait guy. He’s doing his job, probably, for like 400 years.


Lynx Line


Eric: We, as listeners will know, always ask our patrons different questions for the week for the Lynx Line segment, which is next, and this week’s question: We had people tell us what moments in modern world history were actually magical but were covered up to protect the Statute of Secrecy. So this is more interaction between Muggles and wizards covering up the truth from the Muggle public.

Andrew: I love this question. When I saw this question, Eric, I gasped. I was like, “Oh, that’s a good idea.”

Eric: I was very happy with it.

Andrew: So Kyle said,

“The outcome of the 2024 US election was the result of a widespread Confundus Charm carried out by members of the magical community who are actually behind AI technologies.”

Eric: Oh, yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Carlee says,

“The Dancing Plague of 1518 baffled Muggles in Strasbourg, Holy Roman Empire, as scores of people danced uncontrollably for weeks on end. Many theories exist: mass hysteria or psychological illness, demonic possession, poisoning, etc., but no theory has been proven. Several people even died from strokes, heart attacks, and exhaustion before the dancing finally ended as mysteriously as it had begun.”

Eric: Now I’m wondering if this was a real…

Andrew: That’s a real thing that happened. It is a real thing!

Eric: What?!

Andrew: I Googled it! I couldn’t believe it.

Eric: Oh my God!

Andrew: The Dancing Plague of 1518. Go Google it, y’all. Wild.

Eric: That writes itself.

Andrew: Yeah, a dancing mania. Dance Dance Revolution! That was the original inspiration. [laughs]

Micah: The Dancing Plague of 1518 can only be outdone by the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, which was “caused by a catastrophic mistake by Gendry Fluke, who was trying to start a Honeydukes franchise in Boston. Paranoid about theft, he put his day’s work in a safe he bought from an ex-Gringotts goblin. When his children tried to sneak some candy from the safe, it set off Flagrate and Gemino Curses. The candy heated and multiplied until it flooded the streets.”

Andrew: That is another real thing that happened, the Great Molasses Flood.

Eric: Oh my God, I’m looking at… yeah.

Andrew: Fascinating.

Eric: A large storage tank filled with… this is amazing. These obscure moments in history are just delightful, delightful pickings.

Andrew: Here’s one people are probably more familiar with. Michael said,

“Area 51 is where they keep all of the ‘unexplainable’ things, so as to try to make Muggles think it has something to do with aliens. However, the wizards are in fact using this area to come up with new spells. Ever wonder how and where they come up with them? Well, it’s in Area 51 and the spells are random magical-sounding words used on test subject Muggles who dare to get too close to this area.”

Andrew: So Michael is saying, “Don’t get near Area 51.”

Eric: Oh, man. Andrew, you’re not far from there right now.

Andrew: I’m not.

Eric: Can you confirm?

Andrew: I’ll go investigate. Didn’t you go out to Area 51 once?

Eric: I did, yeah. Check out the Little A’Le’Inn. There’s cabins you can rent, but it’s a little restaurant, kind of cute. Get some burgers, get some merch. It’s fun. It’s fun. But yeah, the base itself is terrifying. There’s just a gate that you drive up to in the middle of nowhere. The roads aren’t even labeled. But yeah, Catherine adds to this:

“Every UFO sighting is just another instance of a vehicle or item being bewitched to fly or summoned. It wasn’t a flying saucer, it was just one of Arthur Weasley’s kids messing around.”

Eric: Love this.

Micah: And the Molasses Flood was sent in by Matthew. I just wanted to make sure to credit him, because I didn’t say his name earlier.

Eric: All credit.

Micah: Carly says,

“The Bermuda Triangle is actually where Azkaban is located. Back when Dementors guarded it, if any Muggle vessel or aircraft came close, the Dementors fed on the unlucky souls aboard. But ever since the Battle of Hogwarts and the Ministry cutting ties with Dementors as its guards, there are no longer any ‘unexplainable disappearances.'”

Andrew: Hmm.

Micah: Love that.

Andrew: Cassandra said,

“King Edward VIII had to abdicate the throne not because Wallis Simpson was divorced, but because she was an American witch who wanted to end all this Secrecy nonsense.”

Eric: Oooh! I love the idea of somebody famous having to, again, abdicate somebody in power because they fall in love with a witch. That’s great. That’s a tale that we hear about happening in the modern day, and I love imposing world history on it. So someone named Forty says – I love this one:

“The 2008 financial crisis was caused when Ludo Bagman hid a series of bad gambling debts labeled as subprime mortgages in various mortgage backed securities and collateralized debt obligations.”

Eric: I know some of those words. Ludo Bagman caused the housing crisis, y’all.

Andrew: Nice.

Eric: Unbelievable.

Andrew: Not nice, but good connection.

Micah: Not surprised.

Eric: Well, actually believable. That guy.

Micah: Rachel says,

“The Malaysia Airlines flight that disappeared. Someone on the plane touched a Portkey? Vanishing spell? Invisibility Charm that never wore off? Who knows!”

Andrew: And finally, James, who was a Slug Club cohost a few months ago here on the pod, said,

“This one is for Micah — in the bottom of the 10th inning of Game Six of the 1986 World Series, the noise and vibration suddenly ruptured a vial of Felix Felicis (it had been left in the Mets’ dugout years before when the Beatles, undercover wizard couriers from England, dropped it off before playing a famous concert at Shea Stadium as a cover story). Obviously, the Mets have been coming down from the Felix Felicis high ever since, which explains the last 39 seasons.”

Andrew: They’re not good.

Micah: No. [laughs] You don’t have to tell me that.

Eric: They got increasingly worse.

Andrew: I’m sorry, Micah. Go Phillies.

Eric: Oh, man.

Andrew: Red October is here. Y’all, this – again, Eric, great question, and listeners, great answers – these make me want an HBO Harry Potter TV series where wizards have to fix the issues they’ve accidentally caused in the Muggle world. That would be awesome.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: And we obviously learned a lot today too. This was a great lesson in history. You can send us some feedback about today’s episode; you can email or send a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. We also have a contact form on MuggleCast.com. And next week, Chapter by Chapter will continue with Half-Blood Prince Chapter 2, “Spinner’s End,” and one of our friends, Irvin – who is actually publishing a new Potter book about the Malfoys – will be joining us. He asked about coming on, and we said, “Well, come on for a Malfoy centric chapter!” So we’ll have him on next week, and Laura should be back too. Don’t forget to check out Patreon.com/MuggleCast to support us; we really appreciate your support there. Also, visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all the information we have shared today. And if you’re looking for more podcasting from the MuggleCasters, listen to our other shows, Millennial and What the Hype?!, for more pop culture and real world talk.


Quizzitch


Andrew: Or continue listening to MuggleCast right now for Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question, regarding the bridges in London: Built in 1175, what is the oldest bridge in London? The correct answer is the Clattern Bridge. And yeah, built in 1175, it’s still standing. 93% of people with the correct answer did look this up, so it was one of those… there’s a lot of bridges, and everyone kind of gave up on guessing. But correct answers were submitted, nonetheless, by #PleaseDoMoreLivesShows; A Healthy Breeze; Ashley B.; Bony Pony Express; Carolyn; Cast Shane Gillis as Ludo Bagman… we’ll Google that. Granger Things; and someone – our old friend – Laura’s Personal Umbrella Academy Heckler submitted twice, then adding on the second time, “Laura, please forgive me; I submitted my previous answer before listening to this week’s Millennial, and I’m so glad you like the Umbrella Academy. So sorry for trolling.”

Andrew: Yeah, I was going to say, she did finally watch it.

Eric: Oh my God. She likes it, huh?

Andrew: Laura got bullied into watching it.

Eric: Unbelievable, unbelievable. And some few names here: London Bridge is Falling Down, My Fair Voldemort; Mary Poppins is a Witch; and of course, last but not least, Tofu Tom. So thanks to all for submitting for Quidditch. Here is next week’s question: So looking ahead to “Spinner’s End,” speaking of spinners, the silk that’s made by the Darwin’s Bark Spider is actually the toughest biological material ever studied by man. What country in the world does the Darwin’s Bark Spider call home? That’s the question. Submit your answer to us on the MuggleCast website with a lovely-looking main nav bar. Click on “Quidditch,” or go to MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch.

Andrew: All right. Thanks, everybody, for listening to this week’s episode. We’ll see you next week, or we’ll see in a couple days for our latest bonus MuggleCast. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: And I’m Micah.

Andrew: You are not just Micah; you are actually Sir Micah Froggingsworth. Bye, everyone!

[Screaming goat sound]

Eric and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #722

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #722, Why Didn’t Voldemort Choose To Become a Ghost? And More MuggleMail


Cold Open


Andrew: I personally accept that Bellatrix and Voldemort really did conceive a child.

Eric: Well, and you also never see her with her husband, Rodolphus.

Andrew: Because Voldemort was a better man, and she saw that.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: [singing Pearl Jam] “Can’t find a better man…”


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: We are your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books and the movies and the upcoming TV show, so make sure you press that follow button in your favorite podcast app and you’ll never miss an episode. And this week, before we get to Chapter by Chapter – Half-Blood Prince Chapter 1 next week – we have a Muggle Mail episode for everybody.


News


Andrew: And we have a update concerning the Harry Potter TV show. Filming continues, and scenes set around Little Whinging before and after the first downfall of Voldemort were shooting last week. Most notable, in my opinion, we saw Vernon Dursley in a scene with Dedalus Diggle! And it appears to be right out of Book 1. The scene from Book 1:

“He [Vernon] found it a lot harder to concentrate on drills that afternoon and when he left the building at five o’clock, he was still so worried that he walked straight into someone just outside the door. ‘Sorry,’ he grunted, as the tiny old man stumbled and almost fell. It was a few seconds before Mr. Dursley realized that the man was wearing a violet cloak. He didn’t seem at all upset at being almost knocked to the ground. On the contrary, his face split into a wide smile and he said in a squeaky voice that made passersby stare, ‘Don’t be sorry, my dear sir, for nothing could upset me today! Rejoice, for You-Know-Who has gone at last! Even Muggles like yourself should be celebrating!'”

So if you watch the scene, it looks just like what I just read from the book, down to the violet cloak.

Micah: And he actually falls over.

Eric: Yeah, there’s a shot of the mat, and him fully on his back with the legs up after getting knocked over. [laughs]

Andrew: The reason I bring this up is this is another example of the TV show seemingly giving us more than we got from the movies.

Eric: I’m thrilled about this. The first chapter of the first book is one of the best chapters of any of the books for this purpose; it’s great at introducing the character of the Dursleys, and yeah, to get to spend time witnessing this… and also start world-building, because Dedalus Diggle is the first wizard that we as an audience are going to come across, essentially, this weird dude who’s more than a little giddy that Voldemort is down, finally. So I’m excited for those purposes of seeing maybe even shots on the news report about people, strange people, all about… I think back… like the owls swooping. I hope that they go all in on showing footage.

Andrew: [laughs] Include the owls swooping! Include the owls swooping!

Eric: Please! And also, cast Peeves, guys. But okay.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: This is going to be your longstanding request.

Eric: This is my Roman emperor. Romance Empire? I said that wrong, actually; it’s not even that. This is the hill I will die on. Cast Peeves.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: The real question is: Is this just Dedalus Diggle, or is it hot Dedalus Diggle?

Eric: Oh. I know what you’re doing.

Laura: Oh, good question.

Andrew: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We already have hot Vernon, so it might be too much to have hot Vernon and hot Dedalus Diggle on screen at the same time.

Eric: That would be too much hot.

Laura: Yeah, but I mean, they got HBO money.

Eric: Yeah, everyone on Game of Thrones is hot.

Andrew and Laura: Right.

Andrew: So what I also like about this is Dedalus Diggle comes back into the storyline in Deathly Hallows when he goes with another Order member to help the Dursleys hide from Voldemort…

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: … so he could come back in Season 7, 8, 9, or 10. Kind of put a bow on the whole series.

Eric: Oh, I hope they’ve already filmed that, just between…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Because it was between Vernon and Dedalus Diggle, they do that scene, and then the scene where he comes and picks up Harry.

Andrew: Yeah. So they were filming these Little Whinging scenes, and we also see wizards celebrating Voldemort’s downfall as Vernon makes his way to work. You see wizards blocking his car as the wizards cross the street, and they’re hooting and hollering. And then there was also a shot of possibly James and Lily walking through a park? The people who were watching this get filmed were at an angle where you just see their sides and sort of their back side. So it’s hard to say for sure, but you would think Lily and James Potter will be appearing as well in Season 1, so pretty exciting stuff.

Micah: Presumably, we’re just going to keep getting more and more of this. This is… it feels a little different from when we went through the movies the first time around, where everything was very much under lock and key. Is it just a matter of the world we live in today, where people are naturally just going to pop out their cell phone and record?

Eric: Everyone’s got their cell phone. Plus, when they were filming these movies the first time, I was 11, 12, 13… it wasn’t until we started MuggleCast and they were already halfway through the series that any of us would have even known what to make of some of these filming shots. But as I recall, the shots we were getting from outdoor work were at the middle of nowhere, wilderness, Scotland type stuff, and they’d have a big, giant blue screen up in a field, and it’s like, “What can you really see?” Versus the day at the zoo, the day of Vernon trying to cross the street, these are things that have to be, by their nature, in public. And so I’m excited that the footage that’s coming through shows us that this will be a more accurate treatment of the books and a wider look at the world as a whole.

Andrew: Yeah, I’d also add that it seems like they’re filming on location quite a bit. They could have rebuilt these sets in a private studio where no prying eyes could find them, but for whatever reason, they’re choosing to film a lot on location. Maybe that has to do with the budget too; I don’t know. But then also, when you’re comparing how much you need to film for a TV show compared to a movie, there’s going to be many more opportunities for people to capture them filming out and about. And I like that they’re filming on location. It adds a level of authenticity to it.

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Andrew: Well, stick with MuggleCast for continuing coverage of the Harry Potter TV show. Again, make sure you follow us in your favorite podcast app or on YouTube. Also just want to share with everybody that the MuggleCast Collector’s Club year four stickers have shipped, so patrons, hope you are enjoying those. And Eric, we just placed the order for the 20th anniversary yearbook, right? So now it’s at the printing press.

Eric: The final checks are all done. It was down to the minute with updates and improvements, and I’m very excited. Everyone who’s signed up for one of these should be very excited about what’s about to come.

Andrew: Yeah, look forward to those, and thanks, everybody who supports us on Patreon. We could not do this without you. If you don’t support us on Patreon and you want to help us keep this show running smoother than Vernon’s trip around Little Whinging after the downfall of Voldemort, we invite you to become a member of our community at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. By supporting us, you can get instant access to two bonus episodes of the show every month, and ad-free episodes, and access to our livestreams. You also get a personal video “Thank you” message from one of the MuggleCasters, and each year that you are a Patreon, you will be getting a new physical gift, including stickers or whatever gifts we come up with next. So there are lots of benefits at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. And if you’re looking for other ways to support us, you can visit MuggleCastMerch.com to buy official show gear; I’m wearing the Security Consultant hat tonight. You can also leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, and/or you can tell a friend about the show.


Listener Feedback


Andrew: All right, time to open up the Muggle Mailbag. What can we expect today, Micah? Tease it for the audience.

Micah: We have quite the array of different voicemail and email topics. Some of it is on Order of the Phoenix. Some of it touches on the TV show. Some of it touches on just broader Potter questions in general.

Andrew: Cool.

Micah: We like to keep us on our feet a little bit. Can’t just be a reflection on Chapter by Chapter.

Andrew: And we’ll be challenging our listeners at the end of today’s episode; we asked them to do some character impressions for us, so look forward to those as well. So let’s get started with a voicemail from Samantha concerning Mrs. Black in the movies.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hi, MuggleCast. I am a longtime listener that has rediscovered MuggleCast after years and years and years of being away. When I was in high school, you guys were everything, and I’m happy to discover that you still are everything. So I am going back and working my way through all of the amazing episodes that I’ve missed since I stopped listening, probably back in, oh, 2009 or so? So incredibly, I have so much material to get through, and I just can’t believe you guys are still going. It’s one of the happiest discoveries that I’ve made recently. I just wanted to give a quick comment about the Order of the Phoenix reread episode about Chapter 4, ‘Grimmauld Place.’ You guys had talked about Mrs. Black’s portrait and it not being in the movie, but actually, I think it is in the movie, and it’s just that the curtain remains covered, and you can just… I think it zooms in on her muttering things. So instead of yelling and screaming, it’s just muttering things from behind the curtain. I just wanted to point that out, because I think there was some question about whether it was actually included, but I’m pretty sure that it is, so happy to be corrected if I’m wrong. But having just recently rewatched that movie, and actually in the context of playing the score live to film… I’m a violinist, and I play with an orchestra that we do these movie projects, and we’re working our way through the Harry Potter films right now. We’re on number 5; we just did that a couple weeks ago. I did manage to look up from my music at one point, and believe that I caught that scene. So anyway, I love what you guys are doing. I’ve always loved it. So happy to be back in the fold listening, and oh, also, I just bought Laura’s pants, and I’m very much looking forward to them arriving. So thank you guys so much.”

[Voicemail ends]

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: Yes!

Andrew: Nice.

Micah: That’s the only reason why I put this voicemail in the show today.

Laura: Ahh. Every time we talk about this, I feel the need to clarify for our UK listeners, these are trousers.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: “Trousers.”

Laura: Because we learned at one point that while we might call trousers “pants” here in the United States, in the UK they refer to… I mean, “pants” are underwear.

Eric: Well, Laura, it’s so magnanimous. It’s so selfless of you to offer up your trousers to folks at the MuggleCast store.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Yes.

Laura: This is a good catch, though, Samantha, and actually, our Discord is verifying this in real time that apparently Kreacher is talking with her in the scene.

Eric: Well, I’m going to argue that if you didn’t cast somebody in the role, that it doesn’t count as an official appearance.

Andrew: [makes a buzzer sound] No, I disagree. Maybe they were cast; they just didn’t share who it was. She could be in the credits.

Eric: From what I’m seeing, she’s not.

Andrew: Oh, okay.

Micah: The portrait, however, is. Right? It is behind a black curtain.

Andrew: The portrait is. Got it.

Eric: It’s a portrait frame. They cast a curtain! That’s not Mrs. Black.

Micah: Well, actually, Laura, what’s behind that black curtain behind you?

Eric: Wait a minute…

[Andrew gasps]

Laura: That’s top secret.

Micah: Oh.

Andrew: Are you hiding Mrs. Black from us?

Laura: Maybe.

Micah: But I do recall, as Harry is first entering Grimmauld Place, he comes across Kreacher, who is engaged with the portrait.

Andrew: Got it. And Mev seems to back you up there.

Eric: This reminds me… and Peeves was actually in all the movies, too; he was just always around the corner from where the camera was.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I mean, come on. This is what this sounds like.

Andrew: Hey, if you hear it, if you see Mrs. Black a little bit… I count it, personally.

Eric: I do think it’s an intentional Easter egg or nod, but I wouldn’t go so far as to credit the filmmakers with putting Mrs. Black in the movie. That doesn’t feel right to me.

Andrew: Yeah. Well, listeners, we love hearing from you, so please send in a voice memo at any time. You can record your message via the Voice Memo app on your phone and send it to MuggleCast@gmail.com. We’ll get to some voice messages later today when we hear people’s character impressions. Onto some emails! This first one is from Daniel on adapting Order of the Phoenix for television.

“Ahoy, MuggleCast! I appreciate the escape you have given us. Order of the Phoenix recap: Wow, this was a long book, so I don’t know where to start. Thoughts on how the new HBO Max series will cover this book in its entirety? It’s such a long book that I am wondering if eight hours of content is enough. It is more than enough for the first book, in my opinion, but might be pushing it for the fifth book, which is ~2.5 times as long.”

Then on Half-Blood Prince, Daniel says,

“This is a great book and one that I see a lot of potential for in digging into Voldemort’s backstory in the TV show. Besides this, what are a few things that were omitted from the movie that you would like to see in the HBO Max series?”

And then finally, Dan asks,

“What is your favorite and least favorite of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans?”

My favorite is a gin flavor. My least favorite is a vomit.

Eric: I like grass.

Laura: Gosh, I’m trying to think about the last time I… actually, I agree, Eric. That one is very good, surprisingly so.

Eric: Yeah, it’s amazing. Shockingly, it’s amazing.

Andrew: Oh, they’re talking about the real ones. I was just making them up. [laughs]

Laura: Oh, I thought you were actually talking about the real ones.

Andrew: I was not.

Laura: They do have an earwax-flavored one, from what I recall, and it’s gross.

Eric: It’s okay.

Laura: [laughs] “The earwax is okay.”

Micah: I really like the green apple one, but then one that is not very far off in color from that is booger. And I mean, I’m sure I ate plenty of boogers growing up, but I don’t need to as an adult.

Andrew: Micah! Ewwww!

Micah: I’m just joking.

Andrew: Ladies, you didn’t hear that. He didn’t say that.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: I mean, they probably weren’t somebody else’s.

Andrew: Eugh. I can’t remember the actual Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans, so I assume there’s a gin-flavored one, and I would enjoy that. That’s why I picked gin.

Micah: [laughs] In your head, there’s a gin-flavored one.

Andrew: Yeah. Concerning Order of the Phoenix, maybe the seasons for the later books will be longer than eight episodes? I think a big factor for them in deciding how long each season is going to be is how popular the series ends up being. If it’s massively popular, why not add more episodes or add more seasons that expand on the books even further?

Laura: I also feel like HBO has already been known to do this, splitting seasons. So Season 5, Part 1… Season 5, Part 2… I mean, they’ve done that with a number of their series at this point. And haven’t we heard them say that this will be a ten-year project? That would kind of support the idea that perhaps some of the longer books are going to be broken up into multiple seasons, really.

Eric: I also think eight hours is, I mean, a good amount. I certainly think… I’m one of the people that thought that Order of the Phoenix was done pretty darn well in the movie, which is kind of… a lot of people might disagree with that. So the longest book getting only eight hours, still, is okay with me, because I thought they did it okay in two and a half.

Micah: The thing to remember is that Order of the Phoenix movie was only about two hours and 20 minutes, so you’re getting quadruple that in the TV show, and that’s a lot of airtime to fill.

Andrew: We’re going to be quite spoiled with everything.

Micah: We’re assuming the episodes are only an hour, whereas in some cases, you could easily go beyond that.

Andrew: Don’t we know it here at MuggleCast!

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: On that note, let us continue moving along here.

Andrew: But I just will say on the note about Half-Blood Prince, stay tuned for our thoughts on what should be Max’d from the book. We’ll discuss those in Chapter by Chapter, starting next week.

Eric: Also, if we’re talking about Bertie Bott’s Beans, and you want to know how some of them taste, I just found this old YouTube video from MuggleNet. It says, “Bertie Bott’s Bonanza: Taste-Testing Every Flavor Beans.” I’m in it, and we have some fun, so go check that out.

Micah: Well, our next email comes from Meg on the topic of Voldemort becoming a ghost. She says,

“Hi MuggleCast! Here’s my question: In the final chapter of Order of the Phoenix, Nick tells Harry he was afraid of death, and that’s why he chose to become a ghost. Why did Voldemort not become a ghost? We know death was his greatest fear. Does Horcruxing perhaps ruin one’s chances at ghosting? Thanks for all you do, I love the show, and Eric makes me swoon.”

Andrew: Oh, so this is Eric’s Meg, for sure.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: We think.

Eric: Or, you know, there could be another admirer of mine out there named Meg.

Andrew: That’s fair.

Eric: It’s Meg. I saw her write this.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: What are your guys’ thoughts? [laughs]

Andrew: I don’t think Voldemort would want to come back as a ghost. I think he would fear that coming back as a ghost reminds everybody that he lost against Harry, and I don’t think he could face people.

Eric: Would that mean that he’s alive, though, at any cost? Still in existence at any cost, Andrew?

Andrew: I still just think he wouldn’t want to be on Earth as a ghost. And are the Death Eaters going to respect him in ghost form?

Eric: Oh, yeah, no.

Andrew: Does he want to see somebody else come up? He wouldn’t be able to kill Harry anymore, which would drive him nuts.

Eric: Oh, he gets to see Harry grow up and be happy?

Andrew: Yeah, yeah, that sounds awful.

Eric: No, I like what you said now, too. I understand. It would also remind him that he lost.

Andrew: Right, yeah. And he can’t do anything anymore, really.

Eric: Yeah, he already survived as an ethereal form for 12 years once; I don’t think he’d be quick to return to it.

Laura: I actually think Meg is right here with suggesting that…

Micah: She often is.

Laura: … all of the Horcruxing – I know, she usually is – all of the Horcruxing probably damaged his soul too much for him to be able to become a ghost. I mean, think about it. At the moment that he died, I mean, that was the final bit of his soul that was left, and when you think about destroying the locket and the diary and the diadem and Nagini and all of the other things, those were pieces of his soul that were unequivocally destroyed. So was there enough left to even make a ghost? I don’t think so.

Micah: Babymort. That would be a creepy ghost, by the way.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Well, I’m glad you mention Babymort, Micah, because that’s probably where the last bit of his soul went, to this afterlife sort of plane where he’s this tortured creature that Dumbledore makes a weird comment about to Harry about “What is that? Oh, you can’t help that.” It’s like Voldemort already is in the afterlife of King’s Cross in a sort of punishment way, so he’s definitely not walking around as a ghost. Maybe he can’t.

Micah: And Tom Riddle strikes me as the type of person who would have explored and tried to research becoming a ghost, and I think he probably would have landed on not wanting to go that route, and that’s why he dug deeper into the Dark Arts to find out about Horcruxes. I don’t think becoming a ghost is enough for somebody like Voldemort. He was searching for immortality in a different kind of way.

Eric: I agree, he fears death, but I think that’s kind of why he wouldn’t become a ghost, is because he literally can’t conceive of a situation where he would die. That’s why he took so many steps to prevent himself from dying, was to avoid that eventuality.

Andrew: Listeners, let us know what you think. And speaking of Horcruxes and ghosting, I just want to say to everyone who has ghosted me on Tinder, that every time you ghost me there, you split your soul into multiple Horcruxes too, okay? So be careful.

Eric: Andrew, but I was just joshing with you, okay?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I get so far and I… [laughs] I just want to know a little bit more about you in a different setting, so I get so far, and then when I… I’m sorry. I don’t mean it personal.

Andrew: [fake cries] Go ahead, Eric.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Okay, on that devastating note. This next email comes from Kiri on Crookshanks, a.k.a. the Potters’ cat?

“Dear Laura, Micah, Andrew, and Eric,

I found a theory that doesn’t really have much or any info to support it, but I thought it was cute and kinda wanted it to be true. Crookshanks is the Potters’ cat. It says in Prisoner of Azkaban ‘its face looked grumpy and oddly squashed, as though it had run headlong into a brick wall,’ so maybe that happened when Voldemort attacked and he was running away. This could also be why he knows Sirius and Wormtail are Animagi.”

Presuming he knows about them; he recognizes them.

“Anyway, thanks so much for making such a good show. Love you all.”

Laura: I think I remember this being a theory back in the day that Crookshanks specifically had it out for Scabbers because he knew.

Eric: I like it.

Micah: It’s one of those things that I don’t know that I’ve ever seen debunked officially by the author…

Laura: Right.

Micah: … and so it’s… do we want to declare canon here, from our perspective, for Kiri?

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, why not?

Laura: Hey, if Cursed Child gets to be canon, then…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

[“I declare canon!” sound effect plays with thunder]

Andrew: And just like that, it’s done. Somebody add it to the Wikipedia.

Laura: All right, our next piece of mail comes from Salome, who writes to us on seeing Thestrals. Salome says,

“I’ve been listening since Episode 496, but lately have fallen behind and am on the episode about Chapter 34. In that chapter, Dumbledore’s Army flies on Thestrals to London. I’m blind, and I had a couple of questions about Thestrals for blind people.

The book says that in order to see a Thestral, you must have seen death. But what does it mean by see? Are blind people just not allowed to know they exist? We couldn’t see someone die. Or does that just mean to witness death? Also, if you haven’t seen someone die, can you still touch the Thestral? You were saying that Hermione should’ve died on the way to London. I’m wondering if she felt the Thestral beneath her and got her bearings from her sense of touch. I can see Hermione being resourceful like that. And also, if you’re flying in the middle of the air, I’m guessing she’d know to stay as still as possible.

Thanks, just wanted to see what your opinion on this was. There is no wrong answer, that I know of. Congratulations on getting married, Eric. Congratulations for having a name I can’t spell, Micah.”

Laura: Actually, Salome, you did spell it right! So congratulations on spelling that right. And then they also added,

“You have done this show for 20 years. Keep doing it. I love it. Yours, from Gryffindor/Ravenclaw/maybe Hufflepuff?”

Andrew: So Salome, I think we can say that you don’t necessarily need to visually see somebody die. And by the way, it sounds brutal when we’re like, “Hermione should have died” out of context. I think it made sense at the time.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: But I think we can extend it to say you just need to be in the presence of death to then be able to see or maybe feel a Thestral. But I’ve also gotten the impression that even if you can’t visually see the Thestral, you could still feel it.

Eric: Oh, absolutely. They pull the carriages.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Yeah, so with that in mind, physics…

Eric: They are tangible creatures that take up space and interact with the world, regardless of one person’s ability or encounters with death.

Micah: If I remember correctly from that episode, we were thinking that it was highly unlikely that all of these members of the DA would have made it safely to the Ministry, when in fact, a good percentage of them could not see what they were riding on.

Eric: Right, and because even if you can’t see what you’re riding, you can see the ground being thousands of feet beneath you, and it would at least for me…

Micah: Oh, it’s like the worst theme park ride possible. [laughs]

Eric: No, really, that’s the aspect. I wouldn’t mean to, but I would tip. I would lean forward or I would let go or…

Micah: Well, it’s the equivalent of being in an airplane and basically it being glass, and you can just see everything below you.

Eric: Yeah, or a roller coaster that you can’t see and you have no seatbelt for it. The fact that they had to grip for hours in the cold, thousands of feet above the earth, and witness it all… utterly absurd. So that’s why we think Hermione should have died. But I’m glad she didn’t, for the record.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Well, if I recall correctly, too – and I’m testing my show knowledge here – I think we had a lot of fun on our last Order of the Phoenix Chapter by Chapter poking fun at Hermione about her kind of ignorant comment saying, “Oh, I wish I could see Thestrals.” [laughs]

Andrew: Oh, right. Yes.

Laura: And it’s basically like, “Hermione, you’re wishing you saw someone die? Cool.” So maybe that’s where it came from. But Salome, I have a question for you, and I don’t mean for this to sound ignorant, so I’m just curious to know. If we’re talking about how would the experience of “seeing” a Thestral look different for someone who’s blind, I’m wondering if there’s potential for heightened senses in the absence of eyesight that could perhaps allow someone who’s blind to perceive other aspects of the Thestrals’ physical presence that maybe someone who isn’t blind wouldn’t pick up on. Just a thought.

Andrew: Yeah. All right, let’s move along. This next one is from Becky on Arthur Weasley. Here’s another listener, actually, who recently returned to the show.

“Hi, I’m Becky, and I have been a longtime on-and-off listener. I remember I first discovered the pod way back in the summer of ’07 (I was 11) waiting for the release of the final book. I would listen to MuggleCast and PotterCast every week. I did fall off the bandwagon for quite a while, but I am now going back and listening to the episodes I’ve missed.”

Welcome back, Becky.

“I am currently in the year 2020…” Oof, we’re so sorry…

[Laura laughs]

“… of the pod…” Oh, okay. “… and am listening to a lot of the fun theory episodes. One thing I would like to bring up, as I haven’t heard anyone even theorize about, is this: Could Arthur Weasley have potentially been under the Imperius Curse during the First War? I’m only bringing it up because it’s the Unforgivable Curse that Ron brings up in Moody’s class in Goblet of Fire. I think it would be interesting if Arthur being placed under the Imperius Curse was one of the reasons his career got derailed. What if he had been onto something (like investigating the Malfoys or the Blacks) and Lucius/another Death Eater had to steer him away? Just an idea I had and thought would make an interesting discussion. Thank you for being with us through the years, from my days as a young middle schooler to now as an almost 30-year-old. Much love! Becky.”

Andrew: It is interesting to ask why did Ron jump to the Imperius Curse in that class with Moody? As for Arthur’s career getting derailed, I think my issue is, did it get derailed? I don’t think it got derailed.

Eric: I think that it’s that his obvious love for Muggles may have closed some doors that would otherwise have been open to a pure-blood wizard in certain areas of the Ministry. But I also think, look, we know Arthur too; his excitements and his musings are a little odd ball-y, and so I think he ended up in the exact department that he wanted to be in, despite… I mean, that’s why Percy’s complaint is that he has no ambition.

Andrew: He followed his passion.

Eric: But I love this idea of a scandal, and something that maybe the Weasleys know, but absolutely no one else does, as far as what happened to Arthur. And I love specifically the act of picking up a tiny moment in the books, like Ron knowing the Imperius Curse, or being affected by knowing it a little better, and then theorizing why that could be. So I love this email. I love every time we get something like this.

Micah: Ron knowing about the Imperius Curse by itself, though, makes sense because Arthur worked at the Ministry and probably shared stories of fellow colleagues being under that curse during the first war.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Micah: But I really do like this. But at the same time, I agree with what you’re saying, Andrew; I really have a hard time believing that Arthur’s career got derailed. I just see him as this fun-loving guy, and I almost think it, in a way, could take away from his character if the reason why he’s now in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office is because he was previously under the Imperius Curse, and they find him to not be trustworthy. I think he’s there because he likes being there.

Andrew: Yeah, and I think this is a good lesson in just following your passion. Sure, you can go off and try to pursue a career that’s going to make you millions of dollars, but will you be happy in that role? Arthur traded money for happiness and following his passion, and there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, that’s what a lot of people should probably do. [laughs]

Eric: But what if there was this mystery? What if Arthur was Imperiused, and what if he committed some horrible crime that he’s been absolved for, but still, what if it’s something that would come up if anybody ever wanted to blackmail him? Or something like that. It’s fun to think of these darker possibilities for the world that is clearly pulled over our eyes by the narration of the book.

Laura: Definitely.

Micah: Have you ever seen the TV show Father Brown?

Eric: No.

Micah: It’s Mark Williams, and so where I’m going with this here is he’s actually a priest who fancies himself as a detective, [laughs] so perhaps this was Arthur Weasley back in the day.

Andrew: Ahh.

Micah: You should check it out. I really feel like you would enjoy at least a couple of episodes.

Eric: Man, you’re really living with all the HP alums. You watch Slow Horses, you watch Father Brown

Micah: Which, by the way, Slow Horses Season 5 just came out.

Eric: How is it five seasons in?

Andrew: I know.

Eric: You just started talking about the show last week. It’s on Season 5? My God.

Micah: Just dropped.

Eric: Amazing.

Micah: All right. Well, everybody buckle up for this next email. This is from Bev on Voldemort and Bellatrix’s love affair.

Eric: Here we go.

Micah: She says,

“Hey, y’all. This is something that I get quite worked up about. Voldemort is not someone who understands love, and he isn’t someone who needs other people around him for personal, emotional support. He thinks of himself as far above all that. To be honest, if he could do all this without the Death Eaters to do his dirty work for him, I think he would. In addition, he’s created seven Horcruxes to (as he hopes and believes) guarantee his immortality. Plus, he’s someone who wants to have all the credit for bringing the wizarding world into line. He’s not about to share this with anyone.

So why would he ever get Bellatrix pregnant? Why? All through their interactions, he toys with her affections (and hers are totally genuine). In one moment he might make her think she’s special to him and a moment later insult her to her face. In front of others. (Which is how he treats his followers anyway, but with Bellatrix it’s sharper because she’s so obsessed with him.) And, even if we think it is likely, surely the fact that he has become even more snakelike and has drunk goodness knows how much of Nagini’s ‘venom’ (the poor woman with a blood curse, now a snake for life) would mean he might not even be able to bear any children. So no, I do not think Cursed Child is canon (save the relationship between Albus and Scorpius.)”

Andrew: Mistakes happen. Maybe he accidentally got her pregnant.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: But I think we’ve also discussed the idea that maybe Voldemort just wanted to… “Oh, sure, why the heck not? Yeah, sure, I’ll sleep with you.”

Eric: He absolutely is incapable of love, both giving it and understanding it, but that doesn’t mean he’s not, as a human – or former human – susceptible to lust. I think it’s very possible, and even possibly conceivable, that Voldemort would have done that, and that Bellatrix would have been either oblivious or we would have still gotten Cursed Child.

Micah: Laura, I think in one of the episodes, though, you talked about how Voldemort may have just wanted a legacy.

Laura: I could definitely see Voldemort… I mean, honestly, just no offense to any listeners, but I could just see Voldemort being a lustful man and not being very careful with how he navigates that landscape; that’s kind of a tale as old as time. But then I could see him being happy at the thought that he could have a legacy, that there could be some piece of him that gets to live on.

Andrew: I think that’s really important too. He likes the idea of a next of kin, somebody continuing the family tree a little while longer if/when – heavens forbid – he were to really die.

Eric: I mean, this is like the ghost question for me with Voldemort too. I don’t think he cares about a next of kin because he wants to live forever.

Andrew: He is the next of kin, yeah.

Eric: He’s putting all of his… he’s the next of… that’s the difference in choosing immortality. Either you yourself want to live forever, or you understand as a person that you’re but a cog and that your children and your children will carry on your legacy, and you can’t do both. So Voldemort put all of his eggs in the immortality basket, succeeded beyond anyone else’s ever past achievements, and eventually now is no longer with us, but I don’t think he would ever intentionally seek out a child for the specific purposes of attaining some kind of legacy. I just remember, though, when Cursed Child first came out, and Delphi’s identity was revealed, we were all a bit squiggled out. And I remember Andrew in particular asking the question, “How does this work?” [laughs] And “Is Voldemort…? Does he have a forked… you know? And how is this at all possible?” And we were all a bit bamboozled, let’s say.

Micah: If Voldemort just wants to get laid at the end, maybe that’s it.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: He’s working hard for his Death Eaters.

Andrew: He wants to blow off some steam.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, like Eric was saying, this could just be pure lust. And Bellatrix was a groupie, effectively.

Eric: I mean, speaking of his journey toward snakehood and altering appearances, did you know that all male snakes have two penises?

Andrew: I didn’t.

Laura: No, I did not. Today I learned.

Andrew: And that’s not something I want to picture on Voldemort.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Micah: AI.

Andrew: Eugh.

Laura: I do want to call out Sam in our Discord just made an interesting point: “Is it possible that Voldemort sees Delphi as a meat suit for his soul?”

Andrew: What does that mean?

Laura: Like another Horcrux, potentially.

Andrew: Oh.

Eric: That would be creepy. If he would need to Dark magic some way for him to survive, then somebody that’s his blood – literally his blood, and Bellatrix’s – would be needed for a spell. I could see that being a motivation to have a kid, maybe.

Micah: She does go back in time for him.

Eric: It’s very Voldemort-y, the way that we’re thinking of that. Terrifying.

Andrew: And Bev, stay tuned for a throwback email from someone who actually caught the love affair back in 2007. We pulled one of our old emails out of the archive; Micah found it, and this might make you feel better, make you feel like it really was canon.

Laura: They “caught the love affair”? Were Voldemort and Bellatrix at a Coldplay concert or something?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: We’re taking some liberties with the email, but…

Laura: Ah, okay.

Micah: You’ll see.

Andrew: It’s you, Eric.

Eric: And this next one comes from Lucy about the diary Horcrux.

“Does Voldemort have memories from what happened with Harry in the Chamber of Secrets? Because I know that he was a memory preserved in a diary. It’s his Horcrux. But when he was talking to Harry in the Chamber, he was talking to him from the perspective of his future/present self. He asked Harry how he defeated him, so he knew that he was defeated. He knew what his future self had faced. He knew who Harry was, which means it’s not just his standalone memory at that age.

So when he comes back to body form in Harry’s fourth year and confronts Harry, why doesn’t he mention seeing him in the Chamber? When Priori Incantatem happens, the phoenix song plays. Does he not remember, in the second book, the connection to the phoenix? Does the phoenix song playing not spark his memory from the Chamber of Secrets? Or does he literally not remember that because it was just his memory that spoke to Harry?”

Eric: We can actually answer this with stuff from the books, but it’s believed that Ginny Weasley, writing to her diary, would be the one that was telling Tom all about Harry. And this is why Chamber Riddle knows all about future Lord Voldemort, because he would ask pointed questions, like, “Oh, there was this big Dark wizard?” Or remember, Ginny had a crush on Harry, so she was going to write all about Harry, and it’s like, “Oh, what? He’s famous, you say? What’s he famous for? Killing the Dark Lord? Oh, what?” So Tom, meaning teenage Tom – diary Tom – learned all about his own essential future being an imprint from when he was 15 or 16, and that knowledge propels him to seek out and wanting to find and kill Harry at the end of the book. So they are separate; they’re not at all connected, and whatever the Voldemort in the Chamber found out or interacts with would not be known to the Voldemort that gets his body, which was a different Horcrux. It was the one that was in Albania that was a jettisoned from his body when he first encountered Harry Potter.

Micah: So there’s no hive mind.

Eric: Right. And in fact, there’s not even a moment… I mean, the communication that Harry’s scar gives him with Voldemort is still not Voldemort getting to talk to part of his old self, so it’s not direct.

Andrew: Bingo. Eric nailed it.

Laura: It kind of seems like an oversight, don’t you think?

Eric: What?

Laura: I don’t know; if you were trying to become the Master of Death and have seven different pieces of your soul separated out, I mean, I would think having a hive mind would be requirement number one on that list. [laughs]

Eric: Well, a lot of them have very boring lives. They’re just in a Gringotts vault and buried in the woods.

Laura: Yeah, true.

Eric: You wouldn’t… you’d only need them as a last resort.

Laura: All right, next email comes from Willow, who’s wondering what does the Basilisk snack on in Chamber of Secrets?

“I’ve been listening since I was seven years old, and I love the show! You always have such thoughtful ideas, and I get very excited whenever a new episode comes out. I have recently been rereading the Chamber of Secrets, and I noticed something that could be a plot hole. Harry hears the Basilisk say, ‘So hungry… for so long…’ right before it kills Mrs. Norris, or Petrifies her, but it never actually eats any of its victims. It doesn’t rip or tear anyone either, which it also says it will do. How come the Basilisk never eats anyone? What does it eat, anyway? I found a website that said the Basilisk survives on rats, but a snake of its size would need hundreds of rats each day! How would that work? Is this a plot hole, or am I missing something?”

Laura: It’s a good catch, Willow. I don’t think we’ve ever talked about that before.

Andrew: I don’t think you’re missing anything.

Laura: No.

Andrew: I think the Basilisk is just super hungry for rats.

Eric: When Harry falls into the Chamber…

Micah: I was just going to say that. Go ahead.

Eric: Yeah, the reason he doesn’t die is because of what he lands on. Micah, take it away.

Micah: It’s a pile of bones.

Eric: Piles and piles and piles of…

Andrew: “Wooooo!”

Eric: Thousands of years of… well, a thousand years of rat… of course, think of Hogwarts, this ancient castle, as having the absolute worst mouse problem ever, but it’s kept at bay by a very, very starving, oversized Basilisk.

Laura: Not anymore.

Micah: My sense for this is the…

Eric: That means the rats are going to be coming out of the walls! I’m so sorry, Micah, I just had this idea…

[Micah laughs]

Eric: … of the Basilisk kept the mice in check, so that in its absence, there’s just now… somebody else has to go take care of it. I’m so sorry.

Micah: So now the school should be overrun by rats.

Eric: That’s exactly right.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Well, that’s why Pettigrew shows up in Prisoner of Azkaban.

Eric: You’re right.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: That’s really funny, actually.

Micah: But my sense is the books couldn’t get any darker. Remember, this was Book 2 in the series. Could you really have this monster actually killing people at the school?

Eric: No, and “rip/tear” scares me, terrifies me. I think “Let me rip you; let me tear you” is the scariest line in any of the Harry Potter books.

Andrew: Yeah, “tear you apart.”

Eric: It’s a very malicious… but it is a sort of plot hole, I think, why the Basilisk doesn’t do that. What exactly makes the Basilisk retreat, too, after a student is Petrified? Is it just the fact that somebody finds them real quick and…?

Micah: Dumbledore.

Eric: Yeah, right, but if Dumbledore had encountered the Basilisk, he probably would have killed it right away.

Andrew: Yeah, I guess the Basilisk doesn’t want to get caught. That is why it runs away.

Eric: He’s very sneaky. He’s like, “I haven’t eaten in a thousand years, but I’m very sneaky! You can’t see me!”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It’s like, no, I mean, he didn’t go after any of his prey, so it is a little bit inexplicable. I love the question.

Micah: Maybe it’s magic, honestly. Maybe that’s how it self-sustains.

Andrew: Maybe. That’s kind of terrifying, too.

Laura: The Basilisk is just like, “I love magic.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew:Fillmybelly-o!”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yeah, it has one of those refilling food bowls that you can get for your pet.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Micah: Does it have milk?

Laura: But yeah, good catch, Willow. I had never thought about that before. What were you going to say, Micah?

Micah: I was going the whole Nagini milk… never mind.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: That’s venom, by the way. It does have venom.

Micah: Yeah, it is. Well, to wrap up the mailbag, we mentioned this throwback earlier, and it is on Bellatrix and Voldemort’s love affair. It’s from Sara, at the time age 19. This was back on July 13 of 2007, and she writes in,

“Hi, MuggleCast. I was rereading Half-Blood Prince, and something stood out to me. In the sixth book (page 29) when Bellatrix and Snape are arguing, Bellatrix says something really interesting… she says, “The Dark Lord has, in the past, entrusted me with his most precious…” Then she changes the subject. What do you think Voldemort entrusted to Bellatrix? Horcruxes, maybe? I only thought of this because J.K. Rowling said that Bellatrix was important in the final book. I would really like your input.”

Micah: Well, Sara, 18 years later… [laughs]

Andrew: We’re here to answer it for you. I think this kind of suggests that Bellatrix made it clear in the books, or implied in the books, that she actually did carry Voldemort’s baby.

Laura: We do know that she… I mean, she has the Sword of Gryffindor. She thinks she does.

Eric: Well, right, it’s the Horcrux aspect, too, because was the cup with her? It’s the cup.

Micah: Yeah, she’s got the cup.

Laura: Was it the cup? Sorry, I had that mixed up.

Eric: She stored… no, no, yes, she… well, the Sword of Gryffindor, I think, does come into play in Deathly Hallows specifically, but when Voldemort was still alive, he clearly went to her. He trusted Lucius with the diary, and he went to his next most ardent supporter, and said, “Bella, loca, please store this…”

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: “Bella, my loca!”

Eric: “I have something that’s very important to me.” And he would have made her feel more special than any other servant ever, by saying, “Can you guard this for me? It’s a matter of utmost importance,” and she would have been elated for the opportunity.

Laura: Yep.

Andrew: His most precious, though.

Eric: His most precious. He probably didn’t… he definitely didn’t tell her what it was, because that’s a risk that even he won’t take.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah.

Eric: But that’s what I think she’s indicating by saying.

Laura: Yeah, but I think he also gave her something else precious.

Eric: Maybe two something elses.

Micah: If I were Jack Thorne and John Tiffany, this would be the place I would point to and say, “Look, it’s canon.”

Andrew: “Ah? Ah?” See, and earlier in our Chapter by Chapter reread, I think we… Eric, you were selling me, I think, on this being canon as well. I’m forgetting the details.

Micah: Eric did a great job.

Eric: Was it just that discussion point at the battle of the chapter?

Andrew: Oh, yeah, we were kind of talking ourselves up on the idea. Or at least me; I was becoming recently convinced.

Eric: I think, yeah, it was like a circle hype. We were all just getting really into it because of what Voldemort himself said. He shortens her name; he never does that. So they totally had something weird going on.

Andrew: I know it’s a shocking revelation for people, I know the Cursed Child has its issues, but I personally accept that Bellatrix and Voldemort really did conceive a child.

Eric: Well, and you also never see her with her husband, Rodolphus.

Andrew: Because Voldemort was a better man, and she saw that.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: [singing Pearl Jam] “Can’t find a better man…”

Micah: Because he’s got two, and Rodolphus only had one.

Eric: Oh my God.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: All right, well, Sara, we hope you’re still listening.


Lynx Line


Andrew: For this week’s Lynx Line, with the new Harry Potter audiobooks imminent – the first one comes out in November – we asked our supporters on Patreon to take a line from one of their favorite characters in Order of the Phoenix or Half-Blood Prince, since we’re in between those two books right now, and submit their best impression of the character. We said, “Consider this your audition for the audiobooks!” And I will say, not everybody did a line from Order of the Phoenix or Half-Blood Prince, but we appreciate you submitting anything.

Micah: Andrew, is this fair? They can’t even follow directions.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: How can they…?

Andrew: That was kind of mean. They support us on Patreon, so we have to be nice and forgiving. So here’s the first one. This is from Shannon.

[Audio clip plays]

“Hi, MuggleCast. Shannon from Virginia here to do my character impression. ‘Are you sure that’s a real spell? Well, it’s not very good, is it? Of course, I’ve only tried a few simple ones myself, but they all worked for me. For example: Oculus Reparo. That’s better, isn’t it? Holy cricket, you’re Harry Potter! I’m Hermione Granger. And you are?’ ‘Ron Weasley.’ ‘Pleasure. You two better change into robes. I expect we’ll be arriving soon.'”

[Audio clip ends]

Micah: Wow.

Laura: That was very good.

Andrew: So that was an excellent impression, but my favorite part was her jumping into the Ron voice.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew and Eric: [imitating Shannon imitating Ron] “Ron Weasley.”

Andrew: Yeah, that was good.

Eric: It was perfect. Reminds me of just how much joy can be had from just thinking about the movies and our fondness for them.

Andrew: Yeah, the delivery of the lines sticks with us. All right, this next one is from Zachary, and he does a Snape.

[Audio clip plays]

“It so happens that I know of the plan. I am one of the few the Dark Lord has told. Nevertheless, had I not been in on the secret, Narcissa, you would have been guilty of great treachery to the Dark Lord.”

[Audio clip ends]

Andrew: I like that a lot. It’s sultry, kind of.

Eric: It’s good!

Laura: Yeah, that gave me goosebumps.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It’s a really great Snape that is not divined from the Alan Rickman portrayal. It’s just a really… there’s a depth to the voice, there’s a dangerousness to the voice, and it’s not just doing an Alan Rickman impression.

Andrew: Yeah, mine, I just squeeze my nose, and I sound like Squidward.

Eric: It’s very fun.

Andrew: Okay. Fun, but not good.

Eric: No, it’s good too. I really like it.

Andrew: [laughs] Thank you.

Eric: I’m going to message you on Tinder later and I’m going to tell you that I like it.

Andrew: [laughs] Finally. You’re not going to ghost me anymore. All right, this next one is Jared, doing a Lockhart.

[Audio clip plays]

“Yes, yes, I know what you’re thinking! ‘It’s all right for him, he’s an internationally famous wizard already!’ But when I was 12, I was just as much of a nobody as you are.”

[Audio clip ends]

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: From one Lockhart to another, Eric?

Eric: [imitating Lockhart] It was excellent! Yes, very splendiferous. Very nice.

Andrew: And by the way, listeners, feel free to call in anytime and do an impression for us.

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Andrew: It could be at any random time. Just send one.

Eric: That’s a great point.

Andrew: We’ll get a kick out of it. Even send us a voice message with your question, and do it in a character’s voice. That would be fun, too. All right, this next one is from Robert, and he does an Umbridge.

[Audio clip plays]

“‘I’m terribly sorry to have to contradict you, Minerva, but as you will see from my note, Harry has been achieving very poor results in his classes with me -‘ ‘I should have made my meaning plainer,’ said Professor McGonagall, turning at last to look Umbridge directly in the eyes. ‘He has achieved high marks in all Defense Against the Dark Arts tests set by a competent teacher.”

[Audio clip ends]

Andrew: Very good! Hem-hem!

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Well done, Robert. That was great.

Eric: Chilling. And it reminds me, this whole challenge really reminds me of the type of people and the type of theater where you really gravitate and you focus on every single syllable of every word, and it’s very rich and drawn out. Love it.

Andrew: Speaking of McGonagall, here’s Rachel’s McGonagall.

[Audio clip plays]

“Are you sure I can’t offer you a cough drop, Dolores?”

[Audio clip ends]

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Laura: That’s wonderful.

Andrew: It’s a good one to have on standby when somebody’s annoying you.

Eric: McG at her absolute sassiest.

Andrew: And then finally, Barry, who was on the show last week, called in with his Fudge.

[Audio clip plays]

[in a voice that sounds almost exactly like Donald Trump’s] “Don’t you, Amelia? Let me explain. He’s been thinking it through and decided Dementors would make a very nice little cover story, very nice indeed. Muggles can’t see Dementors, can they, boy? Highly convenient, highly convenient… so it’s just your word and no witnesses…”

[Audio clip ends]

Andrew: I need to see Barry doing this.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: I actually shed a couple of tears. That was very, very good. Well done, Barry.

Andrew and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: And he’s also said that his podcast got a lot of downloads this past week thanks to his appearance on Quizzitch Live.

Laura: Good!

Eric: Aww.

Andrew: Glad to hear.

Micah: He was very complimentary of the MuggleCast community.

Andrew: Cool. Well, thanks, everybody who submitted one of their impressions. And again, seriously, submit an impression anytime; we get a kick out of those. You all know we do a lot of impressions on the show, good and bad, so let’s hear how you all do with your impressions.

Eric: I think you opened the box, Andrew.

Andrew: I hope so.

Eric: There’s currently… yeah, how many tens of thousands of emails are in our inbox right now? There’s going to be double that by next Wednesday.

Andrew: Well, the Lynx Line is a great way to have your voice heard on the show, whether or not you’re listening live. We ask a new question every week. You can become a member of our community by visiting Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledging today. If you have any feedback about today’s episode, you can email MillennialShow… [laughs] You can contact us by emailing or sending a… let me try that again.

Eric: If you accidentally email MillennialShow@gmail.com, you know what? It will actually reach most of the same people.

Andrew: True, true. Yeah, so let’s keep this in. You can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, actually. And next week, Half-Blood Prince Chapter by Chapter begins.

Micah: And that impersonation by Barry is such an appropriate lead-in to this Chapter by Chapter that we’re going to be doing.

Andrew: True.

Laura: For real.

Andrew: Don’t forget also to visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all of the information that we shared today, and lots more, including our contact form. And if you’re looking for more podcasting from the four of us, listen to our other shows, Millennial and What the Hype?!, for more pop culture and real world talk.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for Quizzitch! It’s back. [imitating Fudge] “It’s back!”

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question: The chapter titled “The Second War Begins” inspired this question. Perhaps the most well-known “second war” in the Muggle world, WWII, began on what day? What day is generally agreed that World War II began? The correct answer was September 1 in the year 1939. But September 1, we know it as Back to Hogwarts Day; it was the beginning of World War II when Germany invaded Poland. 53% of people with the correct answer did not look this up, according to those people, and this week’s winners were #1 Andrew Fan…

Andrew: What?!

Eric: I know; they’re writing in to Quizzitch. Your mom wrote in to Quizzitch.

Andrew: Aww. Thanks, Mom.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: A Healthy Breeze; A Muggle from Poland; Bonnie Prince Charlie; Bort Voldemort; Dumbridge…

Andrew: [laughs] Dumbridge.

Eric: … Elvis Dumbledore; HP and WW2 Know-It-All; I want the corduroy jacket Dan wears in Deathly Hallows – Part 1; Laura’s Personal Umbrella Academy Heckler… how you doing with that, Laura?

Laura: I have no comment.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: … Lord Son of a Muggle; TGIF, That Gryffindor Is Fire; The Other, Other Minister; The Secret Wizard from Down Under; and Tofu Tom.

Andrew: You know, my mom actually loves war-related trivia, so that actually makes a lot of sense that she wrote in this time.

Eric: Oh, that makes sense. Okay, okay. Well, thanks to all. It’s great to be back for Quizzitch. It’s great to be looking down doing more Half-Blood Prince-inspired Quizzitch, starting next week, so very exciting. And here is next week’s Quizzitch question: This upcoming chapter discussion that we’ve got features a bridge in London. Built in 1175, the year, what is the oldest bridge in London?

Andrew: Oooh.

Eric: It’s on the River Thames. What is the name of the oldest bridge in London? It’s not Brockdale. Submit your answers to us on the Quizzitch form on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com. Click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav, or go to MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch. While you’re on our website, check out transcripts and must-listens and all sorts of other cool stuff.

Andrew: Everybody grab their copies of Half-Blood Prince and join us next week for Chapter 1. I’m excited to dive in. A new book! Yay!

Eric: After all this time.

Andrew: Thanks, everyone, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everyone!

Eric, Laura, and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #720

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #720, At The Beep, Slay (OOTP Chapter 38, The Second War Begins)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And we’re your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books, the movies, the upcoming TV show, the upcoming audiobook series, so make sure you press that follow button in your favorite podcast app, and you’ll never miss an episode with your Harry Potter friends. We release new episodes every Tuesday, and this week, be nice and help Luna find her missing possessions before the end of term, because we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 38, “The Second War Begins.” It’s the final chapter in our Order of the Phoenix reread, and boy, is it a satisfying conclusion, if I don’t say so myself. Helping us with today’s discussion is one of our listeners and Slug Club supporters, Ivana. Welcome, Ivana.

Ivana: Hello. Thank you.

Andrew: Yeah, thank you for joining us. Can we get your fandom ID, please?

Ivana: Absolutely. So my favorite book is Prisoner of Azkaban, my favorite movie is also Prisoner of Azkaban, I am a very proud Hufflepuff, my Ilvermorny House is Pukwudgie, and my Patronus is a pine marten.

Andrew: Do you have a favorite chapter in Order of the Phoenix?

Ivana: Ooh, I do, yes. Chapter 1, actually: “Dudley Demented.” This chapter scratched every itch in my brain when I first read it. It was that checkup on Harry, and it gave this really crystal clear image of where he was at. And I just liked how we got this notion of not only has he been growing so fast, I think physically, but also mentally he probably had done a lot of growth. So I just really enjoyed the layers to that first chapter as our intro back.

Andrew: Awesome. I’m feeling a little sad now, though; we missed your favorite chapter, having you on for your favorite chapter, by 37 episodes. Oh well.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Better luck next time.

Ivana: You know what? This totally makes up for it. It’s okay.

Micah: On our next Chapter by Chapter…

Andrew: Yes, Ivana, you can come on.

Eric: If you do subscribe to the ring theory of Harry Potter composition, the first and the last chapter should have a lot in common there. After all, the Dursleys are in this one, so it’s the next best.

Andrew: True.

Ivana: I’ll take it.

Andrew: Well, thank you for joining us today, Ivana, and thanks for your support on Patreon. We really appreciate you.

Ivana: Oh my gosh, I appreciate you guys.


News


Andrew: Well, we have a couple of news items to discuss. First, a sad story: Harry Potter movie production designer Stuart Craig passed away at the age of 83 last week. He wasn’t exactly well known amongst Harry Potter fans because he was a behind-the-scenes crew member, but here at MuggleCast, we would frequently name check him when talking about the movies, because he truly designed the look and feel of the Harry Potter films. And not just the movies; Rowling actually once said of agreeing to creating Wizarding World theme parks, “The key thing for me was that, if there was to be a theme park, that Stuart Craig would be involved, more than involved, that he would pretty much design it. Because I love the look of the films; they really mirror what’s been in my imagination for all these years.” I think that sums it up for me. He really is responsible for the wizarding world we imagine in our heads today.

Micah: He was really the life blood of the Harry Potter series in many ways. And I think back to going to the Studio Tour last year, and just walking through all of his sets, it’s amazing what he was able to create, and I think it’s understandable why the author wanted him to play such a major role in the creation of the Wizarding World in Orlando.

Andrew: I also have to imagine that his thumbprints will be within the Harry Potter TV show set designs as well…

Laura: I’m sure.

Andrew: … because obviously they’re going to pull inspiration from the films, so his legacy will live on in the TV series.

Eric: Yeah, and I’m sure that there were angles and corners of the sets that we didn’t get to see a lot of, but which had to be fully developed because it was a 3D space for everybody to walk into. So that’s actually part of the joy of the Studio Tour, walking around, too, and seeing just those extra little angles. But Stuart Craig did all of that, and it’s really impressive to see what he came up with.

Andrew: So rest in peace, Stuart Craig. And in some other news, the forthcoming Harry Potter audiobooks, which feature a full voice cast – they’re going to be released on Audible starting November 4 – has announced more cast members. Keira Knightley will play Umbridge, Kit Harrington will play Lockhart, Mark Addy will play Hagrid, Iwan Rheon will play Lupin, Gemma Whelan will play Sprout, James McAvoy will play Mad-Eye Moody, and more cast members to be announced in the weeks ahead. Pretty stacked cast.

Laura: That is cool.

Eric: I’ve got to say…

Micah: So Laura, James McAvoy has finally made his way after our… was it a bonus MuggleCast we did where we talked about actors who were initially considered? Wasn’t he up for young Tom Riddle?

Laura: Yep, that’s right. He was, among… God, there was somebody else that we were very surprised about, and I’m forgetting who it was.

Micah: Michael Cera, but that was for Jacob Kowalski.

Laura: Thank you!

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: That was the weirdest potential casting, yeah.

Eric: With all of these HBO actors – Mark Addy, Iwan Rheon, Kit Harrington – all who were very memorable roles on Game of Thrones, I thought this was actually TV show casting announcements, and I was getting really prepared to freak out about still no Peeves…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: … but it turns out this is for the audiobook, so I was like, “Okay.” But still, all of these actors that were on HBO’s long-running Game of Thrones are now in these audiobooks, and I just…

Laura: Well, we’ve already seen one example of somebody who is playing the same role in the audiobooks and in the TV show, so you never know.

Andrew: That’s true.

Eric: Ahh. Well, the funniest thing about Kit Harrington is he was surrounded by all of those actors who bleached their hair blond, and Lockhart, who he’s playing in the audiobook, is a blond. So I think it’s funny he’s finally getting the blond treatment, if only in our imaginations.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Do you know what’s really funny? He’ll still be playing a character who knows nothing.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Wow!

Andrew: “You know nothing, Lockhart!”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Zing! Absolute zing.

Micah: Look at you, connecting the threads between Harry Potter and Game of Thrones.

Andrew: Yeah, that’s great.

Laura: Who would have thought?

Micah: What’s exciting about this, though, is that it seems to be a slow play, right? And this is very similar to what they are doing with the TV show, where we’re slowly getting bits and pieces of casting…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: … and I think they really want to draw people into these audiobooks, because there isn’t that big of a time gap, right, Andrew, between when all of them are going to be released?

Andrew: Yeah, they’re going to be released a month apart, starting in November, these audiobooks will be. It is insane as Harry Potter fans to be living in this period right now, or to be a fan during this period where we’re getting casting announcements for a TV show, and this fully fleshed out, fully realized audiobook series, which is going to have a unique actor for every character. It’s going to have sound effects, a score, the whole nine yards. I’ve been very excited for this project, and with each round of casting announcements, I continue to be very excited. Like I said, Sorcerer’s Stone will be released on November 4, and then the following books will each be released a month apart from there, so Chamber of Secrets will come out in December, Prisoner of Azkaban in January, so on and so forth.

Laura: Awesome. Well, that’s really exciting, and I think just gives us even more to look forward to in the world of Harry Potter. Today we are going to be discussing Chapter 38 of Order of the Phoenix, but first wanted to give a quick plug for this year’s physical gift for our Slug Club patrons over on Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and it is the MuggleCast 20th anniversary retrospective, a.k.a. the MuggleCast yearbook. And this was so much fun to put together. It is literally a real book. It features original writing from all four of us hosts that really chronicles all of the last 20 years, of all of our growth, but also the growth of the show and the many evolutions that we’ve all been through and that the show’s been through too. You’re going to find behind-the-scenes sneak peeks at experiences that we’ve had, but also old photos which I know, Micah, I think you said last week, some of which we probably should have kept buried. I think they’re actually very wholesome.

Andrew: They are.

Laura: I think there are some really nice, cute little pictures back there of our days staying up all night reading Harry Potter books in hotel rooms because we were those kinds of teenagers. This gift goes out to our Slug Club patrons; a reminder that we send you a new physical gift every year. Head on over to Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledge at the Slug Club level to receive your yearbook. We actually did extend the deadline to receive this, so the deadline to pledge is September the 18th, which is right around the corner. So don’t miss out on this. I think you’ll really love it.

Andrew: Yeah, this is the best time of year to become a patron. Ivana, did you fill out the form?

Ivana: I filled out the form. I also informed my daughter that this was coming out, because she’s obsessed with all of you…

Laura: Oh my God!

Ivana: … and it’s really hilarious and adorable. And I told her that this was coming out; she goes, “Oh, good. We’ll read it at bedtime.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Bedtime reading! Okay, yeah!

Laura: That’s adorable.

Eric: If you break it down into the sections, yeah, I can see that.

Andrew: Awesome, awesome. Thanks, everyone. Remember, please pledge and fill out the form by September 18.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: And now it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 38, “The Second War Begins.” [emotionally] The final chapter. Oh, my favorite book coming to an end.

Eric: Aww. Well, we did last discuss this… we’ve been here before, Andrew. Don’t cry because it’s gone. We’ve been here before. We’ll eventually circle back around, I’m sure, 20 years from now.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: We last discussed this chapter of the book on Episode 475 of MuggleCast; it was titled “Denial and Acceptance.” We can do better than that this time. That one aired on July 28, 2020, and here’s the clip from it.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 475.

Micah: So Harry continues to make the rounds, and I think Andrew or somebody mentioned this earlier, where it’s like that you see just how things are happening, how things are going on despite what’s happened to Sirius, despite the trauma that Harry has been through. And it’s almost like… I thought of the end of a video game, when you beat the video game and you’re going around to all the different people.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: I think Zelda, like, “Oh, there are the Gorons, and there are the Zoras,” and they’re all celebrating. That’s kind of what this is like.

Andrew: You saved it! You saved Hyrule!

[Eric and Micah laugh]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Eric: Never too late for a Zelda reference.

Micah: Zelda references are always appropriate.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Micah: Well, this is the final chapter of Order of the Phoenix, and it makes sense that we’re going to be tying up some loose ends, and let’s start with our favorite politician, Minister for Magic Cornelius Fudge. And Fudge starts out this chapter in his traditional way of fumbling, bumbling… the wizarding world really needs a firm hand right now, and it needs some solid leadership, knowing that Voldemort is, in fact, back. I wanted to ask the group, how do we feel about the way that Fudge is addressing Voldemort’s return? We see this through an article in the Daily Prophet. He even refers to him as “Lord Thingy.”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: And he says, “The wizard styling himself.” I read this; I thought my ebook was hacked. I was like, “This can’t… what is this?” I don’t know what that even means. “The wizard styling himself”? It doesn’t make…

Laura: What a baby.

Andrew: Well, I think it just speaks to how incompetent Fudge is right at the start of this. He could have played this right from the beginning, but instead, he doesn’t even… he’s afraid of even using the name Voldemort. And I think back to the movie quote, “Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.”

Eric: Well, and it’s not like there’s a well-known public alternative to saying the name, because not many people know Tom Riddle was Voldemort, and so it’s not like the Ministry has this alternate name, so “styling himself”… he’s been Lord Voldemort as long as these people have been afraid of Lord Voldemort. At this point it should have worn off; the shock of saying it as an adult man should have worn off a little bit. But it does illustrate, to your point, Andrew, exactly how incompetent and ill-prepared Fudge is for this. One wonders how things were handled the first time Voldemort came around and what that leadership was like, but it really just serves to underscore that Fudge is in the wrong place. And I’ve got to say, I think Fudge gets off easy. I think the fact that he’s only sacked – we find out at the beginning of the next book – is too easy for all of the incompetence, and if people weren’t scared out of their wits for everything that’s… the revelation that’s occurred, I think that there would have been real inquiries, months-long public trials of different officials that covered up evidence of Voldemort’s return or downplayed it, and there would be large public hearings, I think, across all of the members of government, but people are scared and distracted now, so they’ve got to go hide.

Ivana: It was really interesting… now, it’s been a long time since I’ve done this reread, and this hit really hard. It was just between the mounting energy of this war that everyone’s now kind of faced with, and if they’ve been trying to ignore it, they really have to put this to mind now. That and the delivery of the announcement by this man who’s just been shoving forced ignorance down everyone’s throat, and the wizarding public’s throat, to the intentional misinformation that he’s just enabled. I just was kind of like, “Oh, this is a very familiar social dynamic,” and it was really interesting.

Laura: Great point.

Eric: Yeah, I wonder if the pamphlets that the Ministry is sending out have anything to do with bleach in them or something for defensive magic.

Micah: Eric, you somewhat alluded to this earlier in terms of Fudge and accountability, and I’m curious, do we think that he should have been held more accountable for just the sheer chaos and deaths that occurred during the time that he ignored the fact that Voldemort was back? I’m thinking Cedric Diggory; I’m thinking of what happened at the Quidditch World Cup. I’m sure there’s other examples that we can point to, things that went on behind the scenes that maybe we never even learned about, but you could continue to put blame at his feet for what is to follow, because he denied it for such a long period of time, the fact that Voldemort was allowed to rise back to power with little to no interference. I think you have to put some blame at the foot of Fudge as well for what’s to happen in Half-Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: Yeah, everybody is much more vulnerable than they would have been this time a year ago if Fudge had done what was right instead of what was easy. So I do think he’s ultimately culpable for some deaths that will occur, even the ones that haven’t yet, because of just the state of everything. He gave people the opportunity, and through suppression, through control of the media, he gave people the opportunity to not believe something that would have helped them, and that’s actually, I think, very criminal, if not a particular crime.

Laura: Yeah. I mean, he also allowed himself to be influenced, both socially but also monetarily, by people who have just been revealed to be Death Eaters the entire time…

Eric: [laughs] There’s that, too.

Laura: … so via Fudge, people like Lucius Malfoy have had so much direct influence and access at the Ministry that that’s also had an impact on the way that the Ministry has dictated its policy around all of this, which is to say, “Nothing to see here.”

Eric: And that would get an inquiry, too, because Lucius Malfoy is now finally facing consequences for pretty much the first time ever. He kind of got off the first time during the first war; now he’s actually supposedly in Azkaban. So yeah, any investigative journalist would be like, “Okay, so Lucius was always seen about 15 steps away from Fudge. What were the policies that were enacted and how did they benefit Lucius’s fellow Death Eaters, or Voldemort, even though we weren’t expecting it at the time?”

Andrew: And prosecuting him is something that should have happened, but now is not the right time. I’m not sure if that was your question, Micah, exactly, but there will come a time for this, but not right now when Voldemort has returned and everybody sees that he has. It would be too much of a distraction to be criticizing him right now, I think.

Ivana: That was…

Micah: Yeah, I… oh, go ahead.

Ivana: Sorry, that was along the lines of what I was thinking, because it must have… the upheaval of this situation. And then two, I wonder if people are thinking, “What’s the lesser of the two evils?” Because we have the very real evil that is the big evil, and then kind of left with this really questionable person in charge. So I wonder if it was a situation and conversations of that nature; it’s like, “Not now?”

Eric: It’s possible the government volun-told Fudge to step down. Like, “Yeah, nobody’s career survives this, and we’re going to get somebody else in,” and so he resigns before the uproar can really grow.

Micah: Which is the ultimate embarrassment for him, because he’s been worried for so long that he was going to be upstaged by Dumbledore, and that’s exactly what ends up happening in an indirect sort of way. I don’t think Dumbledore is intentionally trying to upstage him, but in fact, with how things play out at the end of Order of the Phoenix, that’s exactly what happens. So not only is Fudge inspiring confidence in his constituents, but the government is going to put out pamphlets…

Andrew: Oh!

Micah: … so everybody, rest assured; you’re going to get a nice little booklet delivered to your home that’s going to tell you all about how you can fend off Dementors and Death Eaters, and hey, even the Dark Lord himself should he show up at your doorstep. I mean, come on. What good is this? This is typical government fodder.

Andrew: Will Fudge be doing signings of the pamphlets? Book signings?

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Oh, gosh. Well, he’s going to have… there’s going to be a book plate, and people are going to be able to put it anywhere that they want.

Andrew: You can place it where you want!

Eric: But no, I tend to think that this is actually going to be a decent pamphlet, because it has to be, right? The Ministry will absolutely not still be in power next season if they don’t fix their issue as best as they possibly can. And so I think they got a couple of Aurors together who are like, “This is the best, easiest, most accessible magic that you can practically use.” I find it hilarious that Dolores Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary of the Minister, spent all year not teaching useful magic, and now the Ministry has to, in order to save face, put out a pamphlet of defensive magic you can do at home.

Andrew: That’s the rub. That’s the insane part.

Laura: Yeah. I wish I could feel confident in the idea that the pamphlet will be any good, but I don’t know. I mean, I only have real life examples to draw off of, like even on a state and local basis, when you have government really scrambling to try and get resources out. There are so many great, dedicated public servants who work their asses off and do a really great job of it, but so often these types of things are so constrained in terms of resources that it can be really hard for those things to actually move the needle, especially when they go out as late as this is going out.

Micah: It’s almost too little, too late, and it’s not something that I visualize in the wizarding world as being helpful. Yeah, sure, it probably moves, and there are pictures and demonstrations and things like that…

Eric: Oh, that would be cool!

Micah: … but really, how effective is it going to be? And Ivana, I want you to jump in here.

Ivana: It felt dismissive to me, and I kept thinking about those pamphlets you get from when you go and sit through one of those timeshare meetings, except they don’t get the vacation out of this; they just get a scrambling government structure. And I just wondered, too, what’s the time frame? Does anyone know? Do they know? Is it going to be a scrambling situation where they’re trying to get something together, to give people to give some peace of mind? Is that going to be a false peace of mind? It was just very interesting.

Micah: Totally agree. And I was curious, are there any comparisons we could draw to the recent pandemic, and the way that that was handled when we see maybe how Fudge is reacting to things, how the government is choosing to respond? Anything come to mind?

Eric: I don’t have a reference to the most recent pandemic, but in 1951 the US government…

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: I love how you have a reference to something…

Andrew: “I don’t have any lived experience here, but let me go back to before I was born.”

Eric: No, I mentioned this on the show before, a long time ago. Duck and cover. Does anybody know about this? It was to protect yourself from the atomic bomb. “Don’t worry, kids, Bert the Turtle is here to tell you to duck and cover.” It involved getting under a desk to protect yourself from an atomic bomb, and that was officially government-sanctioned advice. Probably not super useful, but it solved some problems in that it, I guess, was the government’s attempt at actually addressing rather than ignoring an issue.

Laura: Just giving people something to do to help prevent panic.

Eric: Right, that’s the other thing it does, is suppresses panic. So I don’t know, maybe… I love, Ivana, you mentioned the timeshare meeting, but maybe they ring a bell when you do your first time Shield Charm successfully. That would be very encouraging. Yeah, I don’t know. I think that the pamphlets could be useful, but I think for the reasons you stated, Laura, I think you’re right that the resources restrain, and they probably won’t be very good, actually. But the most important thing for the government to do right now is tell the truth, and that is ultimately what they’re doing. The best time for them to do that was last year; the second best time is now. So I’m hopeful that at least people will practice their own vigilance about all of this.

Micah: Well, and I think it’s important, though, that Fudge be able to say Voldemort’s name, going back to what we were talking about earlier, because the fact that he’s unable to do that, I think, still signals maybe there’s a little bit of doubt in the back of his mind that Voldemort has actually returned.

Andrew: Maybe the pamphlet should have a pronunciation guide. How to pronounce Voldemort’s name so you can say it loud and proud. Vol-de-mort!

Ivana: A sticker chart. [laughs]

Micah: Or just call him the Dark Lord.

Eric: Well, it’s just…

Andrew: Eh, that’s just generous. He likes that. We’ve got to call him something he won’t like.

Eric: Like the Medium Gray Lord.

Micah: Half-Blood?

Andrew: Half-Blood.

Laura: Ooh, Lord Half-Blood. There we go.

Eric: I’m thinking to Harry’s first impression of Scrimgeour, right? That he can easily understand why somebody like Scrimgeour would be chosen. Scrimgeour is a man of action, a war hero, former Auror… he would have no trouble saying the name, and that’s why the ebb and flow of politics is this way. You get a guy who can’t even name the threat properly, kick him out of office, get his ass out of there, and bring in somebody who’s not afraid of the threat.

Andrew: Say it out loud!

Eric: Somebody who projects confidence.

Andrew: Edward is not afraid. Bella is not afraid. Say it, out loud.

Eric: Vampire.

Andrew: Yes.

[Ivana laughs]

Micah: Well, we do see some of the tactics implemented in the early part of Half-Blood Prince, because we pay a visit to Professor Slughorn, and he’s completely ransacked this house he’s staying at, and he’s disguised himself to keep himself safe from the Death Eaters. So I wonder if that was in the pamphlet. “Turn yourself into a sofa, if all else fails.”

Ivana: “Have you tried transfiguration?”

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Yeah. There is at least one entity that has done an about face as it relates to Harry and Dumbledore, and that is the Daily Prophet. They are back in the good graces of the Boy Who Lived.

Andrew: Yeah, and we learn that The Quibbler has sold their interview that was already published with Harry to the Prophet. And Luna is very excited about this…

Micah: Cha-ching.

Andrew: Yeah! But I’m thinking Harry should have granted the Daily Prophet an exclusive interview of their own, but Harry could have set some conditions. You don’t want them to pay for an interview; that’s bad. But how about the conditions are something like, “I’ll talk to you, Prophet, but you are going to publish my fully unedited interview with you.” And in that he could go off on the Prophet and Fudge, and sing the praises of Dumbledore, and it all has to be published, every word of it. And/or he has a condition where Dumbledore gets to speak to the Prophet, too, and again, it would be a full, unedited interview, or maybe just a statement from Dumbledore.

Laura: Yeah, but that’s not as sexy. It’s not as sexy to publish something that calls out the paper that it’s printed in. To them, they want to run with the attention-grabbing headline that came with the original Quibbler interview.

Micah: And it gives legitimacy to the Quibbler.

Ivana: Good for the Lovegoods. Go on your vacation. I just can’t get past this plot hole that has driven me crazy forever, because they will just mention that Dumbledore is Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, and then… what does that mean?

[Andrew laughs]

Ivana: What is a day in the life of Dumbledore as the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot? I just… I would like to back that, personally, and would like to see that.

Andrew: Is it just a status symbol type of thing, maybe? It’s just a title?

Ivana: Right? Or does it do something? Because I feel like he could have just gone to this probably really important panel of magical humans and been like, “Hey, that guy that was doing a bunch of really awful stuff, he’s up to those shenanigans again. Do you think maybe we could do something?” So I don’t know. It’s just… what does it mean, and what does it do, and what purpose does it serve?

Micah: Because you would assume that they would all be, for the most part, contemporaries of his, right? That they would believe him if he, in fact, brought this to them.

Ivana: Right.

Micah: Good point.

Eric: Yeah, I was looking up… because there’s something… the Wizengamot is a play on a Witengemot, I think it’s called; it’s advisors to the king. So it is like an extra court body that advises in a kingly capacity. But I like the idea that Dumbledore probably had a list of demands for Fudge, and one of them was like, “You kicked me out of this? Well, now I’m back, baby.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I’m genuinely curious what it is that they actually do, because it’s not mentioned at all, to your point.

Andrew: It’s not like a Supreme Court. We should just pretend it’s a Supreme Court type of organization.

Eric: That would be neat, yeah.

Ivana: In my head it is.

Micah: Well, I think what we’re supposed to be led to in all of this is that Dumbledore is being fully reinstated across the board, right?

Andrew: Yes.

Micah: Everything that he’s been removed from, including Hogwarts, he is now officially able to return.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “I’m back, baby!”

Micah: So we have a few more loose ends to tie up here with… well, first, one of our favorite characters. I know everybody loves Fudge, but nobody loves Fudge more than they love Umbridge, and we get to see her in this final chapter. We learn that Dumbledore went into the Forbidden Forest to rescue her from the centaurs. I’m curious, how do we imagine that conversation going down? What did he have to do to convince the centaurs to release Umbridge?

Ivana: I will never forget reading this for the first time, in that when… [laughs] I always just had this very mafia scene in my head of Dumbledore kind of going to get her and having this very Godfather talk with her. [imitating the Godfather] “You come to me with Dumbledore’s Army…”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: [imitating the Godfather] “You have something that I need.”

Andrew: [imitating the Godfather] “You want to continue enjoying the forest? Hand over that woman.”

Ivana: But I just… I don’t know, I have this very… him in this very intimidating form. And I wonder sometimes if she does this intentionally, that we don’t get these moments of Dumbledore’s probably really, really scary side. These big battles with him and Voldemort, yes, we did get that, but how often do we actually truly get the things that happen behind the closed door, behind the curtain with him? And we don’t really ever know, what is he like in these situations?

Micah: This is the real Dumble-Damn.

Andrew: Dumble-damn! He just took me down.

Eric: I think he’s dangerous. I can see the centaurs just handing her over at this point, because this is way different than everything… all the beef they have with the wizarding government and wizards as a species is way different when the most powerful wizard that ever lived, who also is like the landlord of the land that you’re occupying, can make things real miserable for you, because he’s competent and determined, and is like, “Hey, I know she probably deserved whatever happened here, but I need her back, because that’s just how things are going to roll,” and them being like, “Oh, all right.” I can’t see anybody fighting Dumbledore, because you’ve seen how other creatures and other characters everywhere have just the utmost respect for him. And I am reminded, they do attend his funeral, don’t they? Or they shoot arrows?

Micah: Shoot arrows.

Eric: So there’s some level of respect there that we just have no grasp of. But I think it’s really badass that he went in after Umbridge. He didn’t need to do that.

Andrew: Maybe he said, “Remember my last,” and they knew what he was talking about.

Laura: Ohh.

Eric: They knew what that meant. He sent a Howler. He was up in the office just sending Howlers to everybody that wronged him.

Andrew: [laughs] Sending “Remember my last” to everybody.

Micah: I do love this idea of him being this intimidating person. We see it just a few chapters prior, when he enters the Department of Mysteries and Harry notes just how he never saw Dumbledore look that way before. So I wonder if the centaurs got a little taste of that.

Andrew: You also think about when he went into the forest. There was no time to waste, so you have to think he had something really good to take care of the situation quick and get back to the school. So he was also in a mood, too, when this was going down, and that’s extra Dumble-Damny, you have to imagine.

Micah: [laughs] So most of the early part of this chapter takes place in the hospital wing, and that’s where we see Umbridge. And Ron is taking advantage of her state of mind; he’s making these very soft clip-clopping noises with his tongue, and we see how Dolores reacts to that. And it’s fair to say that Umbridge suffered some level of abuse at the hands of the centaurs. In Greek mythology, centaurs are known to be violent creatures, particularly towards women. And so we could dive deep into what could have happened to her; I think we can, just for the time being, leave it up to the imagination. But it is kind of icky to look back on Ron doing this, isn’t it? And the way that Hermione and others respond to it.

Ivana: It’s so weird in these moments, specifically with her writing because, wow, what a difference. I think this day and age, if anyone wrote something like that at this point, we would be under a microscope.

Eric: And Hermione and Ginny laughing about it too. Like, have you no common concerns here? It just… yeah, it’s bad.

Laura: It also makes me wonder if the kids are just unaware of what might have happened to Umbridge.

Andrew: Definitely.

Micah: I think that’s probably right.

Laura: Perhaps if they had more clarity about what happened, they wouldn’t be laughing, but it’s like, ignorance is bliss, and so to them, they can just think, “Oh, haha, the centaurs scared her.”

Eric: Clippity-clop. Clippity-clop.

Ivana: Are they just also so traumatized that they’re completely desensitized to other people’s trauma?

Laura: True.

Eric: That’s true too.

Andrew: I think they just can’t even imagine what seriously could have happened to Umbridge. They’re young. They don’t really know. I mean, they’ve witnessed some terrible things in their lives already, but… there’s speculation on the Internet about what happened to Umbridge, and Rowling has never confirmed it one way or the other, but you can assume some awful things happen, and the kids wouldn’t even really be aware of these types of things, I think.

Micah: Right.

Eric: I want to shout out in our Discord, there’s a few more theories about what happened to Umbridge. Michele says, “They were probably ready to give Umbridge back after five minutes with her.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Forty says, “They were so sick of her ‘hems’ they asked him to take her,” and Gaby suggested… it’s the GIF of Michael Gambon as Dumbledore backing Harry into the trophy, shouting his head off, “Harry, did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire?” So I think he just tackled them. Yeah, he just brute force… just tackled all the centaurs down.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: He did his best Hagrid, right? Doesn’t Hagrid take down a bunch of Aurors earlier on in this book?

Eric: Oh, yeah, just brushes them aside.

Andrew: [imitating Michael Gambon] “Centaurs, did you take my DADA teacher from my castle?”

Eric: “Did you take my…?” Ah, what is she?

Micah: Maybe Dumbledore brought Grawp with him. But Umbridge is actually chased out of the school by Peeves…

Andrew: Good.

Micah: … and the student body with basically no help from the other Heads of House. McGonagall, she’s incapacitated to a degree; Flitwick could care less, probably, at the end of the day. So I’m actually very interested to see this Max’d.

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

Andrew: Yeah. In this scene, Harry decides not to tell Ron and Hermione about the prophecy because “He was not ready to see their expressions when he told them that he must be either murderer or victim.” And to me, this sounds like Dumbledore just a chapter or two ago. Not saying that Harry wasn’t justified in not telling Ron and Hermione, but Harry feels like there’s going to be a right time to present this information, and now is not the time to do it. So I don’t know if Dumbledore is rubbing off on him, or I don’t know if you all should say, “You know what, Dumbledore? You actually were right. The timing is everything.” But it’s just interesting. So close to Dumbledore’s tales last chapter, I guess it was.

Eric: Yeah, Harry is behaving in a way that is somehow still secretive, even though there shouldn’t be any secrets between his friends now, right? He has a chance to completely undo some of that distance that’s existed because of his mood, now that he knows also what his mood has been like, why his mood has been the way that it has. Clearly, he knows that Ron and Hermione would care to learn about the prophecy, but I think he’s also still processing so much from the last couple days that he doesn’t even know what he would say, or he’s not even prepared for their sympathy and concern, because he doesn’t know how he feels about it.

Micah: Right. Well, Harry is going to visit Hagrid now, and we’ll get to that in just a little bit. He seems to have had enough of the hospital wing. And on his way to Hagrid’s, he runs into a few people, one of which is Draco. And this encounter really is setting the table up for Half-Blood Prince, because Draco says to Harry, “I’m going to make you pay for what you’ve done to my father.” And that’s really what a lot of Half-Blood Prince is all about. Harry is… at the end of the day, in my mind, he’s not responsible for what happened to Lucius Malfoy.

Andrew: No!

Micah: And Lucius is an adult; he is responsible for his own actions. And I feel bad for Draco in this moment, I really do…

Andrew: Aww.

Micah: … because he’s just got nowhere else to turn, and he’s putting the blame on Harry. Harry has just lost his godfather, but I think it comes down to more of how it positions Draco in the larger spotlight of Hogwarts. He probably feels like he’s been made out to look in a pretty bad way because his father’s been arrested and sent to Azkaban.

Andrew: Yeah, I wouldn’t show my face in that school if I were him. Could we also lay down a bit of a foreshadow alert here? Does this feel foreshadowy, Micah?

[Foreshadowing sound effect plays]

Andrew: You were talking about setting the table for Half-Blood Prince.

Micah: I think so.

Ivana: Draco, I think, honestly was and still is one of my favorite characters in this book, because I think he… I always expected a redemption arc from him. I really thought that that was where she was going, like a full one. I think the end of the series does allude to that some mending may have happened, but in this scene, and up until this point, threats have always equaled power for Draco. And while he’s slowly been dabbling and taking more action than just threats, he’s literally about to step into this next year, and that’s going to change for him, and it’s not just going to be threats; it’s going to be action. And so this reread, I’m really curious to see what that power struggle and dynamic looks like within this character now.

Eric: Well, it is interesting, too, because the patriarch of his family, right? His dad was always there to project this demeanor of power and influence, and always so suave and has the best-looking robes, and Draco was able to coast on just being a kid whose dad was highly respected by the Minister.

Ivana: Sometimes I wonder, too, if him making all of these threats is in part because maybe he doesn’t entirely want to take action, but because he does have this type of family, and like you just mentioned, I wonder if that’s his way of trying to seem like he has more power and authority than he actually really wants to take and have.

Laura: I think that’s spot on.

Eric: Yeah, he’s not street smart. He’s never gotten his hands dirty at all, and he’s about to learn throughout the course of next year that it’s a lot worse than he thought. I think Draco is uniquely unqualified for some of that dirty work because of the projected air and all the way his dad has raised him. I think that if you had a dad who was a little bit more down to earth, a little bit more in the nitty gritty, and not this whole pomp and circumstance crap, then you would have a Draco who isn’t just verbal threats – which would be also horrifying – but you would have less of an adjustment period when it comes time to be… when he’s in a terrible situation in the beginning of the next book, and Draco has to spend all year trying to find his own way out of it.

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Laura: He also doesn’t have the safety net of running to his daddy anymore, at least for now. So he can’t pull the “My father will hear about this” crap because…

Andrew: He could write him a letter.

Eric: You know, Narcissa is just as… “My mother will hear about this.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It may not sound as…

Micah: Doesn’t land the same, I think, for Draco. Although I wouldn’t mess with Narcissa.

Andrew: [in a nasally voice] “My father.”

Micah: Pretty much the remainder of this chapter is focused on Harry’s search for serious, serious comfort – emphasis on the serious. And there is this line in the chapter that I feel like we probably can all relate to. It said, “Whenever he was in company he wanted to get away, and whenever he was alone he wanted company.”

Eric: Mood.

Micah: It’s a mood. I feel like we’ve all probably been there at one time or the other.

Laura: Yeah. It’s when you don’t know what you want. Go ahead, Ivana.

Ivana: Grief is such a visceral experience, and reading him going through these motions was really emotional because I think as a reader, you’re kind of walking parallel to him through this and wanting just as badly as he wants to find this space to arrive where it has what he’s looking for. But I think for me, that’s what made it feel very real, because it is so relatable, because grief is really long, and we have to take this time to find what we need, not what we want. And I think later on, that is what he finds with Luna.

Eric: I agree.

Andrew: Yeah, and this is one of those things you read, and when you’re younger, it might just go right over your head, but now, as adults, with so many experiences good or bad in our lives, we can really relate to this. And when I read this line, I think about how as much as I might enjoy the company of others, there’s also a comfort in just curling up on the couch or in bed and just existing in your own brain; nobody has any expectations of you in person in the moment, and sometimes you envy that. While you’re… right now, I’m hanging out with y’all, having a good time, but in my head, I’ve also got that little voice thinking, “Couch… bed… can’t wait to be alone, not on screen…”

Micah: “Food.”

Andrew: Food! [laughs] Food most of all. Yeah, but I think about this… I experience this feeling a lot, where I just think about being curled up in bed, being with my own thoughts, not having to be on for others….

Eric: Yeah, to perform. Well, there’s that saying about getting older, that in your 30s, the only thing better than making plans is canceling plans.

Andrew: Oh, I love when somebody cancels plans. I go, “Oh, that’s so sad,” but in my head I’m like, “Woo!”

[Ivana and Micah laugh]

Ivana: “Oh no!”

Eric: “Oh, I have a night!” You can like people and still like your solitude from time to time.

Micah: It’s so true. And we see this from Harry; he just gets to a point where he can no longer stay in the hospital wing. He’s like, “I’m going to visit Hagrid,” because he just couldn’t stay any longer around Ron and Hermione, and then when he gets to Hagrid, he realizes he doesn’t want to be there either. And it’s like he’s trying to find this refuge that’s just… it’s not there. He eventually gets there a little bit later on the chapter; Ivana, you mentioned – it’s weird to be saying “Ivana” – his conversation with Luna.

[Andrew and Ivana laugh]

Micah: But just a little bit on Hagrid, because this is our, obviously, last chance to chat with him before Half-Blood Prince. And he gives us a little bit of an update on Grawp, and he looks like he’s doing better; Hagrid looks like all of his bruises are healing. But Hagrid just doesn’t know the right thing to say in this moment either. He relates to Sirius more as a peer than anything else, and he tries to tell Harry, “Look, Sirius would have wanted this. If he had to go out, he would want to have gone out fighting and defending you.” And I just don’t think that’s what Harry wanted to hear in that moment.

Eric: Not at all, but bless Hagrid for trying. I really think it is a special kind of sweet that Hagrid is trying to address it. He knows, I think, better than most people what grief and guilt looks like; think of all the stuff that must have happened when he got kicked out of Hogwarts those many years ago. So he’s trying to relate to Harry, and it’s a mark of a good friend. And Harry does Hagrid a little dirty. I mean, I think Hagrid would forgive him, but Harry just peaces out because he can’t. He can’t even with this guy.

Ivana: Did the narrator for when you guys listen…? I don’t know if you listen to this chapter also, but I listen to it as well, and when the narrator does Hagrid’s “Oh,” that got me in the soul, because you just… it really portrayed the sadness of him realizing that he didn’t say the right thing, and he wasn’t saying the right thing. That one hit.

Andrew: Aww.

Eric: Are you listening to a Jim Dale audiobook?

Ivana: Yeah.

Eric: Okay. I think I know what you’re talking about, then, because that’s the version I listen to, yeah.

Ivana: Oh my gosh.

Micah: So Harry high tails it from Hagrid’s, and he goes back up to the common room; he starts to pack for the ride home the next day, and while packing, he comes across the two-way mirror that Sirius gave him back at Christmas…

Andrew: Nooo!

Micah: … and it turns out that Harry had the means to communicate with Sirius all along. But I think we mentioned this when we did the Chapter by Chapter, when Harry first got the mirror and he noted that he would never use it because he didn’t want to risk Sirius getting in trouble leaving Grimmauld Place, and this hurt.

Laura: The irony.

Andrew: If he only knew that this option would have been way better than what he ended up having to do.

Ivana: This part broke me. The first time I read it, still now, you can just feel it. And when he believes that he’s going to talk to Sirius again, and he just… he knew it, and then he looks around to make sure no one’s there, and it just came across like this very simple, subliminal moment for him that he didn’t actually believe that. Because if we look at Harry and his behaviors, when his convictions are set, he’s not really someone to check for or… that moment made me feel like he didn’t actually truly believe that.

Laura: Yeah, he’s bargaining.

Eric: Right, that classic stage of grief.

Andrew: And it is such a heartbreaking scene because, like I was just saying a couple of minutes ago, this could have fixed a couple of major issues in the back half of this book. And when this revelation hits you, I think it would hit you like a ton of bricks: Sirius could have been alive, too, today.

Eric: Yeah, or reachable, right?

Andrew: Both.

Eric: The implication is that because Sirius didn’t take his mirror when he left Grimmauld Place to go to the Ministry real quick, I think the implication there is that had Sirius taken the mirror with him and had it on his person when he went through the veil, that maybe this crazy scheme of Harry’s might have worked, that he might still be able to reach him, because it’s like, “Ah no, nothing happened… because Sirius didn’t have his mirror on him.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It’s like, do you really think you’d be able to reach behind the veil between the living and the dead?

Andrew: Who knows, though? Who knows at this point?

Micah: You never know.

Eric: That’s what I’m saying!

Andrew: I mean, we still don’t know much about the veil, so…

Eric: I’m not making fun of Harry; I think this is the coolest idea ever, but it’s a shame it’s not to be.

Micah: And some of this is on Sirius, though, too, because when he first connected with him through Umbridge’s fireplace, he never tells Harry, “Hey, remember the mirror I gave you?”

Laura: Yeah, that’s true.

Eric: Right, he doesn’t push the issue. He could’ve.

Micah: He could’ve.

Laura: I do keep thinking about how sad that must have been for Sirius. How many times do we think he checked the mirror to be like, “Has Harry tried to call me?”

Andrew: Aww.

Micah: That’s heartbreaking.

Andrew: “Hello…” The Adele song.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: Yeah, I wonder if his mirror says, like, “You have three missed messages” or something.

[Andrew and Ivana laugh]

Eric: Because it doesn’t work this way in Book 7, but it’s voice-activated.

Andrew: It would be cool if the equivalent of a voicemail with the mirror is just serving a look. “Please serve a look in 3, 2, 1…” and that you try to convey what you want to say.

Laura: Be real.

Andrew: Yeah, it’s time to be real, like Eric referenced last week and it went over my head.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: But yeah, you serve a look and then that’s the message you’re trying to convey. Like Sirius did a screaming face; “Uh-oh, I’d better call him back. He’s angry about something.”

Ivana: “When you hear the tone, slay.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: “When you hear the tone, pose. Strike a pose.”

Micah: Well, speaking of the veil, Harry starts to think a little bit outside the box here, and he says, “Well, if nobody living can give me the answers that I need, I’m going to pursue somebody who is a ghost,” and he goes in search of Nearly Headless Nick. And what’s Harry really hoping to hear from Nick?

Eric: Harry is hoping to hear, “Ah, yes. I wondered, Harry, when you were going to come and find me, because I have a ghost door over here, and behind ghost door number one is your godfather! Yay!”

[Andrew laughs]

Ivana: Ding-ding-ding.

Eric: What blows my mind is that Nick was fearing this conversation.

Andrew: Yeah, because he must get it a lot, it sounds like. “Oh, another person who lost somebody; they’re going to come to me and ask me where all the ghosts are born,” if you will. I thought this was an interesting bit of lore, because we learn from Nick that you can choose whether or not you will come back as a ghost, and then that led me to think, why would you not want to come back as a ghost? And I figure you might not want to return because it could be painful for loved ones to see you maybe in this form, or you also might just not want to continue letting your legacy live on in this ghost form.

Micah: Yeah. I mean, I’m pretty sure that this conversation with Nick helps Harry to understand the finality of Sirius’s death. This is his last bit of hope, really, in trying to see, “Is there any glimmer, any chance, that Sirius is going to return in ghost form?” And the way that Nick responds to him leads us all to believe that that’s not going to happen.

Eric: Do we feel bad for Nick having to kind of handle Harry in this moment? It’s very clear to me that Nick does not want to be part of this conversation, and it’s not a pleasant subject, right? It’s not… I mean, Moaning Myrtle is a bit of an oddball; when you ask her how she died, she’s like, “Ooh, I’m excited to tell you.” Asking a ghost how they died is pretty… well, first of all, apparent; I’m thinking of the Bloody Baron. [laughs] But also, it’s probably rude, right? And yeah, there’s I think this loyalty, or Nick feels that even though he doesn’t want to have this conversation, he’s going to, out of either respect for Harry or the desire to help a fellow Gryffindor who’s grieving.

Laura: I think it’s also kind of what he set himself up for in making the choice that he made. And you can tell he regrets it, just based on how he talks about the choice that he chose to remain as, what was it, something like a mere shadow imitating life, and that there really isn’t much pleasure to it. We see at the Deathday party that ghosts don’t really have… they don’t have the five senses. Well, they can see, I guess, but… they can see and hear, but they can’t feel, they can’t taste flavor, so it’s really a hollow representation of life. And it sounds like Nick chose that because he was afraid of the unknown; that was the impression that I got, was, “I want to remain here with something recognizable because I’m too afraid to go to the beyond,” and ultimately, that kind of bites him in the ass.

Eric: What struck me about it was how not Gryffindor that is. He refers to himself as a coward in that moment. He was afraid of death and so chose to remain, and it’s like… that’s so interesting that you would be the Gryffindor ghost.

Micah: Well, Pettigrew is a coward, too, so…

Eric: That’s true. There’s got to be some kind of…

Micah: And I wouldn’t equate them on the same level, necessarily, of cowardice.

Eric: No, no, who isn’t afraid of death? Come on, find me anybody. But I think that there’s a line between… bravery is it’s not that you’re not afraid, but that you do it anyway, right? So there’s something about the Gryffindor courage. What strikes me about this conversation with Nick and Harry is the regret that you hear Nick… Laura, to your point, and also this idea that he says, “I’m neither here nor there, technically,” that there is a there to be getting off to, and now he can’t do that. Feels like he’s missing out, and it feels like every day of his existence he’s remembering that he misses out. And so furthermore, having this conversation about Sirius, who moved on, who does get to experience whatever, or not experience anything, or whatever it is after you move on, Nick is having to console Harry about somebody that’s having an experience or lack thereof that he will never have because he chose to stay.

Micah: And as I was saying, Nick really gives Harry the closure that he’s looking for – even though he’s not maybe willing to accept it in this moment – around what has happened to Sirius. And then he comes across somebody who I think really softens everything and gives him exactly what he needs in this moment, someone who can relate to his pain, somebody who normalizes what he’s feeling, and he finds that in Luna.

Ivana: I think Luna is my second favorite character. I think she represents so many different things, but it really is one of my favorites. Harry is stuck in all of the feels, right? He’s stuck in his pain and his anger and his sorrow, which are some very big components of grief, and then Luna brings him back into his empathy, and it’s changed from a moment of him trying to find a place to soothe his grief to a reminder, and it’s a reminder that he cares and that he can. And after a minute, he realizes he feels bad for what she is going through, and then brought back into his own body, his internal narrative shifts, and he’s able to step into that empathy again, and I just love this moment because it’s real. And I don’t know about you guys, but I can think of so many moments in my life where I have been in the thick of it, and then just this really unassuming moment or person or situation comes around that allows me to switch gears, and it is one of those moments where it’s not what I wanted; it was just what I needed.

Andrew and Micah: Yeah.

Laura: Well said.

Andrew: What sticks out to me in this scene is Harry’s opening relationship with Luna at the beginning of this book was, “This is a weirdo. I don’t want to associate with her.” And then his thinking begins to change a little bit once she can see Thestrals too, but by this moment, to your point, Ivana, when she is meeting him on his level and reaching out and being a true friend – a shoulder to cry on, if you will – his whole perspective changes. He realizes that she is not strange at all, and now we have a pair of lifelong friends here. I just think it’s beautiful how their friendship started from nothing and became something really powerful by the end of this book.

Micah: Yeah. And I think there’s something to be said for the fact that she shares a very personal story in what’s happened to her mother, and she also really normalizes what he heard in the Department of Mysteries, saying that, “What do you mean that you don’t think that you’re going to see your godfather again? Didn’t you hear them just lurking out of sight?” And I think it’s just exactly what he needed to hear in this moment. And this could be identified as the moment that launched a thousand Harry/Luna shippers. [laughs]

Andrew: Oooh!

Laura: Yeah, I was one of them.

Andrew: Yeah, Laura? This scene got you? You were like, “Where’s my pen? It’s time to write some fanfiction.”

Laura: [laughs] Yeah, I probably did. But yeah, no, I mean, this was the scene that made me feel like, “Wow, Harry and Luna are able to relate to each other on a level that nobody else can relate to either one of these characters,” so I thought that’s what this was setting up for.

Andrew: Well, and what also probably didn’t help the Huna shippers is that a few pages later, Harry has come to not care about Cho at all, so it’s like, “Oh, he’s moved on and ready for a new gal.”

Eric: Another Ravenclaw.

Micah: And Ariane Beth says in the Discord, “This book does not work without Luna,” and she’s definitely right.

Eric: Huh.

Micah: And then, but Eric, I thought you had a really good point here, too, about how this is just a very human conversation that happens, and one that really… I don’t know that he’s at the point yet that he can have with Hermione or Ron.

Eric: Yeah, I think it takes an outsider sometimes, right? He has so many preconceptions, or there’s so much pretense with “If I tell Hermione this…” You can’t just have a random conversation about death with Hermione, because Hermione knows too much about what Harry has been going through. She knows him intimately. She will be reading in deeper to every comment made, and that’s not what Harry needs right now. The ability to talk to somebody, relate on a human level, with basically a stranger or somebody you don’t know as well because none of that pretense, is refreshing and freeing, and it’s like the joy you get out of I guess bonding with somebody that you know less well for the first time. So that’s what I was thinking about Harry and Luna here. I can easily see how it launched a thousand ships, because that sometimes is how these things start. You don’t always know somebody, and one day you get to talking, and you could have a really insightful conversation, whether about death or Twin Peaks or whatever have you.

Micah: So true. Well, as we start to wrap up this chapter, I wanted to briefly compare this train ride home to the train ride into Hogwarts. And one thing that stood out to me in particular was Dumbledore’s Army and the fact that they come to the aid of Harry when he’s about to be attacked by Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, and particularly because it’s the members who are in Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff who are the ones who help Harry in this instance, and so I feel like we’re building more House unity here.

Laura: Definitely.

Eric: All they needed was a common jerk to come out again.

[Ivana laughs]

Micah: There you go.

Andrew: Well, and my big concern, I think, earlier in this book maybe – or our last Goblet of Fire reread – was that it doesn’t seem like the adults ever really encourage House unity; the students have to do it themselves. And here’s another example of that.

Eric: Also, there are no adults on the trains ever.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, exactly.

Eric: Where was the…? You know what happens? And I’ve completely wiped this out of my memory; I completely forgot. Crabbe and Goyle and Malfoy are basically, by the time the DA is finished with them, they are oozing and resembling slugs? Hello, Book 6 reference.

Laura: Right.

Eric: But also, what? And they’re stashed by the DA. They’re stashed on the overhead bins, like Harry is, hiding on the overhead bin under the Invisibility Cloak when he is attacked by Malfoy, so a little bit of instant karma.

Laura: Ooh, that’s a good call.

Micah: Yep. Well, Andrew, you mentioned another one, which I think is worth reiterating, and that’s Harry could care less about Cho. Let’s not forget how much he could care about her on the train ride in.

Andrew: [imitating Ron in Sorcerer’s Stone] He’s sorted out his priorities.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: He has. And one other fun moment was that Ginny is noted to be reading The Quibbler, which I don’t think is something she would have been caught doing on the train ride into school…

Laura: Right.

Micah: … and Harry is also sharing a compartment with Neville, and he was very hesitant to do that earlier on in this book, so things have come full circle.

Andrew: Aww. Great constructing that.

Ivana: I was just going to say that. It really has.

Andrew: Yeah. This is what I was kind of getting at at the top of this episode, when I said it’s a very satisfying chapter. A lot of loose ends are tied up; a lot of good things happen; a lot of things have changed for the better, other than losing Sirius.

Eric: People even swim with a giant squid.

Ivana: When in Hogwarts. This I liked. I really liked that we got to see Ginny reading The Quibbler. It felt very fleeting, but very impactful, because with Harry and Luna, their interaction, and what they were doing and talking about, it felt like it was this moment of acceptance and kinship. And we can kind of see this as… it’s not even just Ginny, either, too; I think it is the group that’s in this big cabin accepting not just Luna but Harry, too, and his otherness in all regards.

Eric: Yeah, there’s certain things that you can’t do without being friends or tolerating each other in your train compartment, and storming the Ministry is one of them.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: So there’s that.

Ivana: Trauma bonding.

Eric: Trauma bonding!

Micah: Yeah. We finally pull into King’s Cross…

Andrew and Micah: Choo-choo.

Andrew: Jinx-jinx.

Micah: Oh, well, now you’ve got to finish the episode.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: And Harry gets a very warm reception, an unexpected reception, from the Order, who are waiting on the platform for him, and they give the Dursleys some hell, and it’s just a great moment. Why did Harry never get this support before?

Laura: That’s what I was wondering.

Andrew: Well, I think that was the point. You see this unified front welcoming him back now, and it’s like, “Oh, okay, they’re finally taking my dismay seriously, and they’re going to start looking out for me when I go to the Dursleys.” So I don’t know. It sucked that it hasn’t happened sooner, but the payoff feels great here. It’s worth the wait.

Eric: I think Dumbledore is finally letting them. I think they would have no problem staying by his side. I think Tonks would literally sit on the end of his bed to guard him if Dumbledore had let her last summer. [laughs] “Sorry, who are you?” But yeah, I just think that Dumbledore has conceded. And also, what shocked me about this is if there weren’t this scene, the Order of the Phoenix – the titular group of this book – really wouldn’t have any interactions with Harry past the first couple chapters. It’d be kind of weird, so it’s nice to see them looking out. Everyone understands.

Andrew: The author was like, “Damn it, I’ve got to live up to the title still.” [laughs]

Eric: Well, yeah. It just… everybody understands that he’s just lost the most important person to him family-wise, and so the idea that they’re showing him – not just telling him, but showing him – that they will act as his family, they will protect him, is such a bold gesture. Got to imagine how weird it is for the Dursleys to hear, though, right? Or even just to say out loud, right? This is not something you say in polite company, but like, “You cannot abuse your nephew, or you’ll have hell to pay.” To say that out loud in a public place to somebody?

Micah: Well, and what is so interesting about this particular moment is… and this is connecting the threads back to Prisoner of Azkaban, right? Harry threatens the Dursleys with Sirius, right?

Laura: That’s true.

Micah: Because they know who Sirius is, and he’s like, “Yeah, this crazy person who was out on the loose all year happens to be my godfather, and he said, ‘Hey, reach out if you ever have any issues,'” or whatever he says. I don’t remember. But I do think it’s kind of cool that you can tie those together.


Odds & Ends


Micah: So a couple of odds and ends to talk about. Eric, you mentioned one earlier as it related to foreshadowing to Half-Blood Prince and what happens in the train, but there is another one, and it has to do with Harry specifically, because he says, “As the train slowed down in the approach to King’s Cross, Harry thought he had never wanted to leave it less. He even wondered fleetingly what would happen if he simply refused to get off,” and that’s exactly what happens… well, he doesn’t refuse to get off, but he’s put in a position where it’s very difficult for him to get off in the early part of Half-Blood Prince.

Andrew: Careful what you wish for.

Micah: I also just wanted to mention, because I thought it was a nice moment, for Flitwick paying tribute to Fred and George. He leaves a bit of their magic up from when they had created the swamp to piss off Umbridge. And then it’s also noted here, Fred and George have some pretty, pretty nice clothing.

Andrew: Cha-ching! And they say that business is good. Great, in fact.

Micah: Dragon hide suits or something to that effect, right? And then this was just kind of a nice moment, the two Heads of House butting heads with each other. This is just after Harry encounters Draco and he’s about to attack him, and Snape comes in and tries to take points away from Gryffindor, but McGonagall shows up back from St. Mungo’s, and she… it’s just… I would love to see this scene Max’d, honestly, because the way she treats Crabbe and Goyle, and then she just showers Gryffindor in points for what’s happened this whole year.

Andrew: Walking in after Snape’s comment reminds me of a TV sitcom. He’s like, “I’m going to take points away,” and then McGonagall is like, “Oh, I don’t know about that!” And the audience is like, “Hahaha!”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: The laugh track, yeah.

Andrew: And then because this is the final chapter, I wanted to put the release of this book and the next one into perspective. So Order of the Phoenix was released June 21, 2003, and by then, Harry Potter was extremely popular; midnight releases had happened. So millions of fans read it within days, but then they finished, and they would have to wait until July 16, 2005 for the next one. It was over two years they would have to wait to get the next book, and that’s where sites like MuggleNet and Leaky and all these others filled the gap.

Micah: Two years, not that long. I mean, if you’re somebody who reads A Song of Ice and Fire[laughs]

Andrew: Well, sure, but imagine. Just imagine finishing a Harry Potter book today, not the final one, and you’re like… you don’t even know when the next one’s going to be released! [laughs] I mean, you could’ve been waiting three or four…

Micah: But there’s no major cliffhanger in this one, at least.

Andrew: Okay, Micah, well, some of us were real fans, and we couldn’t wait a day for the next book.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: So two years, one year, three years, four years… torture!

Micah: All right.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Eric: I’ve got to say, yeah, I see what Andrew is saying. I wouldn’t have wanted to wait between Books 4 and 5. I’m actually grateful for having Book 5 be the first book release, and then only having to wait two years each time. Plus, I found you guys, and we had this podcast and all that during that time, so that was really lovely.

Andrew: Yeah. I just wanted to put it in perspective, because we’re going to resume Chapter by Chapter in a few weeks. Everyone else had to wait two/three years.

Eric: Well, including ourselves, but yeah. We did our waiting, Andrew.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Two years of it back in ’03 to ’05, and now we’re over it.

Laura: I mean, also, just think about the theories at the time. There was so much debate about is Sirius actually dead, or is he going to come back?

Eric: That’s right, that domain name I bought, SiriusBlackIsNotDead.com, really never took off.

Andrew: Are Larry…? [laughs] Larry. Are Harry and Luna going to be a thing? What is the veil? So many questions.

Laura: Well, we never got an answer to that one, so… womp-womp.

Eric: I did want to point out Dumbledore refers to it as the Death Chamber. He tells Fudge, “You will find Lucius Malfoy in the Death Chamber.” It seems to confirm that that is, in fact, the purpose of that room, is to study death, which can give you some answers.

Laura: Right, kind of.

Eric: Not satisfying ones, but yeah. I mean…

Ivana: Doesn’t Nearly Headless Nick, too…? In his conversation with Harry, he makes a comment about death, and then says that, “Well, I presume that’s what they’re studying in the Department of Mysteries.”

Eric: That’s right!

Ivana: And like, okay, what next? And then we didn’t really get anything on it.

Eric: What would happen if a ghost went through the veil?

Laura: Can they?

Eric: Would they move on? We’d have to find a new Gryffindor ghost.


Superlative of the Week


Micah: Our MVP for this chapter: There are a number of characters who stand up for Harry. Who do we think had the most meaningful moment?

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: I’m going to give it to Mad-Eye for telling Vernon that he is threatening him, and he’s not intimidated.

Eric: I’m going to give it to Tonks for making Aunt Petunia so uncomfortable with her bright pink hair that she can’t even keep her eyes open!

Laura: We just celebrated this, but I’m going to give it to McGonagall. She had the most badass return to Hogwarts by saying, “Hang on a second, Severus. Didn’t these kids just thwart your old boss for the fourth time? I think we can give them some points.”

Andrew: Ahahaha! Da-da-da-da, commercial break.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Micah: Ahh. Or you get the little house-elf and goblin to show up.

Laura: Oh, God. [laughs]

Micah: They’re the comedic relief.

Eric: I love that.

Micah: I went with Ernie Macmillan, because it was the most surprising…

[Eric laughs]

Micah: … the fact that he stepped in and helped Harry against Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle.

Ivana: And I gave it to Luna, because she kind of stood up for Harry to Harry and his grief, and I thought that was really solid.

Micah: Awesome.

Eric and Laura: Love that.

Micah: Well, those are our MVPs.


Lynx Line


Micah: Now over to the Lynx Line, where we asked members of the Slug Club over on Patreon: At the end of this chapter, the Order tells the Dursleys they are not to mistreat Harry or else. What do you think would have happened if they needed to pay a visit to Privet Drive?

Andrew: Karen said, “I think they would just send owls to crap all over Vernon’s car so that he would go mad washing it all the time.”

[Micah laughs]

Eric: And Rachel says,

“The Dursleys like everything to be ‘just so’ and care about appearances. I’d have the Order bury some gold and jewels in the yard, bewitch it to look like nothing had been disturbed, and then release some Nifflers. They could put a Niffler in the house, too.”

Micah: Nice.

Laura: That’s a great idea.

Eric: Love that.

Micah: Matthew said, “Make all the walls in their house turn invisible at random times during the week. Since Petunia loves snooping on others, it would drive her nuts.”

Eric: Oh, that’s amazing!

Laura: [laughs] Cassandra says,

“So far, all the suggestions sound kind of mean. I think Dumbledore should be punished for not telling the Dursleys to treat Harry nicely to begin with. In the last chapter, he admitted he knew he was subjecting Harry to a dark ten years when he left him there.”

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “That’s fine. It’s fine. Builds character.”

Ivana: And Billy said,

“I want some sort of sign like the Dark Mark over the house that says a wizard lives here. It would only be visible to them, but they wouldn’t know that. They’ll try to move or leave and it would follow them. I feel like this is something Fred and George could work up.”

Andrew and Eric: I love that.

Ivana: Absolutely.

Andrew: Carly says,

“As much as I want the Dursleys punished, the Order is stern, but not cruel. I think they’d do things like Petunia’s kitchen would never be fully clean; there would always be a dirty dish or a random new stain that would magically appear. The TVs would never work during Dudley’s favorite shows. Vernon’s voice would never be able to go above a whisper, and his jokes to potential new clients would never land.”

Yeah, those subtle little prods.

Eric: A little sabotage, social sabotage. Courtney says, “Another pigtail for Dudley and matching ones for the whole family!”

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Oooh.

Micah: And finally, Beeennn… sorry, that was an inside joke.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Throwback.

Micah: Sorry, inside joke… says, “Give them lines to write with Umbridge’s special quill.” Ooh, this is vicious. “Maybe ‘I will be a caring and loving uncle/aunt/cousin,’ or just ‘I love Harry Potter.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Oh, definitely “I love Harry Potter.”

Andrew: The Lynx Line is a great way to have your voice heard on the show every week. We ask a new question on our Patreon every week; you can become a member of our community by visiting Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and pledging for as little as $7 a month. If you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. And next week, we’ll say goodbye to Order of the Phoenix by playing Quizzitch! Quizzitch Live is back, so join us for a fun-filled evening of Order of the Phoenix trivia. We’ll have some prizes lined up as well. You can check in on our social media this week for the full details, and one of our listeners will be joining us who actually came up with these questions, so it’ll be a lot of fun next week. We’ll test everybody’s knowledge of the book. How closely were you paying attention to our reread? Were you rereading along with us? We’ll find out next week. I just mentioned our Patreon. Don’t forget: Pledge now and order the 20th anniversary yearbook by pledging at the Slug Club level. You must pledge and fill out the order form by September 18, and stay tuned for a new bonus MuggleCast later this week where we’re creating our own Hogwarts Houses! Each of us is creating one to celebrate back to Hogwarts season. And we just did another bonus MuggleCast, where we discussed how a Harry Potter hotel in the real world would take shape, and the features we would like to see within. Finally, visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all this information, our contact form, and lots more, and if you’re looking for more podcasting from the four of us, listen to our other shows, Millennial and What the Hype?!, for more pop culture and real world talk.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now to get everybody ready for Quizzitch Live next week, it’s time for standard Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question: The original player tokens for Parker Brothers bestselling Monopoly board game were the battleship, the boot, the cannon, thimble, top hat, and iron, and later a dog was added. What breed of dog is the dog token in Monopoly? The correct answer was a Scotty, or Scottish Terrier. And 59% of people with the correct answer say they did not look that up; congrats to everybody. Correct answers were submitted by A Healthy Breeze; Barking Bort; Beam Me Up!; Defense Against the Dark Farts; Dumbledore’s very partial grasp of truth telling; Hufflepufflekittyfluffle; Is Tofu Tom my uncle?; Julie Ann Fae; J.V.D.L.; Liam the Youngling; Not My Daughter You Sirius; Patronus Seeker; Slytherin Squib; and Tofu Tom. Here is next week’s Quizzitch question, or the one for the week after the… yeah, just play the clip.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This chapter is titled “The Second War Begins.” Perhaps the most well-known second war in the Muggle world is World War II, which began on what day? What day is it generally agreed that World War II began? is the Quizzitch question for this week. The hint is that Germany invaded Poland on that date. Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch. If you’re on our website, check out our transcripts and other cool stuff, and while you’re there, click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav to submit your answer. Thanks to everybody, and Quizzitch, because it’s live next week, will not feature the answer to this question, but we’ll get you on the next one.

Andrew: Ivana, thank you so much for joining us today, and thanks for your support on Patreon, and thanks for all your wisdom.

Ivana: Oh my gosh, thank you for having me. This has been a joy. And thank you, as everyone says, but it’s just the truest truth. Thank you for all you guys do! It’s incredible, and it brings a lot of magic into the real world for a lot of people.

Andrew: Aw, our pleasure.

Micah: Thank you.

Andrew: We’re happy to be your Harry Potter friends, and we’ll continue hanging in our bonus MuggleCast coming up. We’re about to record it. Thanks, Ivana. Thanks, everyone, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Ivana: And I’m Ivana.

Andrew, Eric, Laura, and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #719

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #719, There’s Something About Albus (OOTP Chapter 37, The Lost Prophecy)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter for 20 years and counting. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And we’ve been your Harry Potter friends for all this time, talking about the books and the movies and the upcoming TV show, so make sure you press that follow button in your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode. And this week, grab the nearest expensive-looking trinket and hurl it at Dumbledore, because we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 37, “The Lost Prophecy.”


News


Andrew: But first, some TV show-related news. Well, look at this! Further casting announcements have arrived, and Warwick Davis, who played Flitwick in the Harry Potter films, is returning as Flitwick in the Harry Potter TV show. Sprout and other roles were also cast. Those announcements came on Back to Hogwarts Day, September 1. Before we get to the other casting announcements, let’s talk about Warwick Davis. This was a pretty big surprise, right?

Eric: Yeah, I was not expecting this. I don’t know if we had done a poll or a survey of who, if anybody, would be coming back. I’m choosing to be excited about this because it’s going to mean more time with Flitwick and more time with his Flitwick, who I liked in the movies, but there’s just not… you don’t really have the time to spend some time with him.

Laura: I think I’m fine with it, so long as we’re actually going to get more character focus. There are so many great moments with the Hogwarts professors that did not make the cut for the movies, and I think particularly in Order of the Phoenix, Flitwick has some great moments that I would love to see Max’d, so we’ll see if they do it. If it’s more of repeat of same, then I’ll have different thoughts.

Micah: As a Ravenclaw, I do feel somewhat conflicted about this, and the reason why I say that is because I feel as if cameos are one thing, but playing the exact same role… this TV series is supposed to be something that’s completely different and separate from what the movies were, and you’re casting the exact same Head of House for Ravenclaw as you did in the eight Harry Potter films, and he was in most of them, whether he was playing Flitwick or he was playing Griphook. And I see there’s some questions in the Discord as to whether or not he’s going to reprise the role of Griphook. No, he’s not; it was announced that Leigh Gill will be taking on the role of Griphook in the TV show. But I do wonder, though – Eric, you mentioned this just a few minutes ago – how many people were approached? And there can’t be too many that fit that category, where you could go back to them and ask them to reprise a role, because…

Eric: That’s a good point, because their age difference.

Andrew and Micah: Yeah.

Andrew: Well, and the other thing is that Warwick Davis is a little person. He’s playing a very unique role; there’s not a lot of people who could take on this role. So maybe they thought, “If we’re going to cast somebody from the films, let’s get somebody whose character might be harder to recast.” And we also know Warwick has been a champion of the Harry Potter fandom and the series for a really long time, and I think that must be a factor too.

Eric: Yeah, well, actually, so he’s been an advocate for little people. He founded Little People UK, and he’s made sure that they get representation in media. And in fact, his whole goal has been to prevent Hollywood from using all CGI in little characters and different characters, like the Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs that was all CGI dwarfs. Literally, this is what we’re trying to prevent here, and I think that is where Warwick’s advocacy has been lately. So it’s nice to see. I think with casting him, it will also mean that other little people get into roles in this series, because I can’t see him standing for anything less, is what I would suggest. So that’s kind of why I feel good about this. It’s like, okay, so I think he’ll continue to advocate and continue to shape the choices being made behind the scenes.

Andrew: But this almost is a double-edged sword, because if you’re advocating, why are you taking a role you already had? Why not give it to somebody else? [laughs]

Eric: Well, there is that that I’ve seen too. It’s like, “Oh, if you want to get people to get roles, why are you taking the best roles?”

Andrew: Another point I want to bring up is that this came as – I’m sure the three of you have also seen – there’s been a lot of talk online about “Why do we need a Harry Potter TV show?” Chris Columbus, who directed the first two movies, brought up this point in a recent interview. People have been looking at the photos of new Hagrid and previous Hagrid and wondering, “Why are we doing this again if they’re just going to look the same?” So I think the timing of this announcement in particular was really bad. They maybe should have waited to share this Warwick Davis news, because this is doing no favors in convincing people that there’s a reason to redo the series. Now, to fans like us, we know why they can reboot it and have a good reason to. There’s going to be a good five hours of additional storytelling per book. That’s a huge difference! That’s a huge win for Harry Potter fans. But most people are just comparing pictures so far and being like, “I’m not seeing anything new here.”

Micah: I love Warwick Davis. He’s been on the show multiple times. As mentioned, he is a huge part of the Harry Potter fan community, and I’m sure he’ll do an amazing job reprising this role, but I’ll go back to what I said earlier: I think there’s a difference between making a cameo and taking on the same role that you did before. I think back only very recently to a show like Wednesday, where you had cameos from Christina Ricci and Christopher Lloyd…

Laura: Right.

Micah: … where it adds a level of excitement to know that you’re bringing back these characters who played Wednesday and Fester Addams respectively. You could have done maybe something similar with somebody like Warwick Davis; how he would have shown up, I don’t necessarily know, but this will lend itself – Andrew, like you were saying – to the argument that, “Well, why are we doing this again, if we’re just rinsing and repeating in a lot of the same areas that we did before?” And we criticize because we care, right? At the end of the day.

Andrew: [emotionally] We want the best for our baby.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: As I said, Warwick did an amazing job the first time around, and I’m sure he’ll do a fantastic job with the TV show.

Andrew: This locks him in for another 30 years on the pop culture convention circuit, by the way.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: He’s set for life at this point.

Laura: Smart.

Micah: He’s 55. He’s not that old.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Laura: Totally. I just wonder if we’re going to get an abrupt wardrobe change partway through.

Andrew: Oh, I hope not.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Let’s get that right this time.

Eric: Well, Laura, it would be hilarious if they actually keep his makeover between years two and three.

Laura: Oh my gosh.

Eric: But no, what I was thinking about this was they have to choose, right? They’re either going to have young… I don’t want to say… is svelte the right word? Formal-looking Flitwick, or that wizened, old, squeaky professor.

Andrew: I vote wizened.

Eric: I think the only descriptor… yeah, you think they’re going to do the wizened, Andrew?

Andrew: That’s what I would prefer, personally. I never liked that remake.

Eric: Honestly, I kind of agree with you. They must have just wanted to save makeup time in the later films by giving him that…

Micah: Well, they also made him the choir master, right? And I think that also…

Laura: Right.

Eric: There were some anomalies. I think the only descriptor in the books is that he’s small. I really don’t think it’s described what race he might be. Because the older Flitwick that we got in the first two movies doesn’t entirely look fully human, it’d be interesting to see where they go with the design and the look and the feel of Professor Flitwick.

Andrew: So let’s look at the other cast members who were announced. Elijah Oshin will play Dean Thomas, Finn Stephens will play Vincent Crabbe, William Nash will play Gregory Goyle, Sirine Saba will play Professor Pomona Sprout… [laughs]

Eric: My Head of House! Yay!

Micah: Nobody cares. Next.

Eric: Aw.

Micah: I’m just kidding. [laughs]

Andrew: Richard Durden will play Binns! Bríd Brennan will play Madam Poppy Pomfrey. And I think it was mentioned a few minutes ago, Leigh Gill will play Griphook, so Warwick will not be double dipping this time.

Eric: Let’s talk about Richard Durden as Profethor… Professor. I almost said “Profethor.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Cuthbert Binns! Professor Binns.

Micah: Who had money? We talked about this, what was it, last episode? Or two episodes ago?

Eric: Was it?

Micah: Where we said, “Who’s going to be the first character that was in the Harry Potter books that didn’t make it into the movies, that was going to be cast in the TV show?”

Eric: So ring a bell! It’s Professor Binns. Whoever had money on that, collect your prize backstage.

Andrew: Who was it? Was it you, Micah?

Micah: We didn’t pick.

Andrew: Oh, nobody said? Ohhh.

Micah: They beat us to it.

Eric: We were in the middle of saying, “Hey, we should do this,” and it hadn’t quite materialized. Ugh.

Andrew: That’s exciting. I mean, these types of announcements alone are pretty big news, I feel. Finally, we’re going to get adaptations of these characters.

Eric: Here’s what alarms me, though: We got the casting announcement for Professor Binns before we got the casting announcement for Peeves. Professor Peeves. Are they not going to cast Peeves?

Micah: Sure they will.

Laura: No way. They have to have Peeves this time.

Andrew: I wouldn’t read into that.

Eric: Thank you. They have to, right? They actually have to.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Because it came so close. There were screen tests with Peeves in the first movie.

Micah: It’s a slow rollout of casts.

Eric: But you would think, if they’re trying to wow us, they would announce the casting… I mean, Peeves has to be in the show.

Micah: I mean, Eric, who’s more exciting than Professor Binns?

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Well, maybe Peeves will be a surprise casting announcement. We’ve heard rumors – I don’t know if these are remotely credible – but we’ve heard rumors that they’re going to keep the actor playing Voldemort under wraps, so maybe they’re going to keep some others under wraps, too, and Peeves could be one of them.

Laura: Oh, maybe it’s the same actor.

Andrew: We saw them attempt to do that with Grindelwald in the Fantastic Beasts series. [laughs] It could be the same actor?

Laura: Yeah, I was going to say, what if it’s the same actor playing Voldemort and Peeves?

Andrew: Yeah. I would like to pat myself on the back for something. So two weeks ago, we were talking about the casting of the Weasleys, and I said, “Maybe they’re announcing the Weasley kids because they’re going to be filming Platform Nine and Three Quarters stuff.” Sure enough, a few days later, that’s exactly what happened.

Micah: Good job.

Andrew: Thank you so much. That’s what I wanted.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: You know, I listened to that episode recently on the train, and I thought of this upcoming episode, and I said, “You know what? Andrew was right,” because…

Andrew: [tearfully] Thank you so much.

Micah: … they did, in fact, end up leaking photos of them filming King’s Cross.

Andrew: Yeah. Oh, and by the way, Ron in those photos is wearing a Chudley Cannons T-shirt. People were very excited about that.

Eric: Ahh!

Andrew: It’s going to be these little details that are going to win people over.

Laura: It’s the small touches, yep.

Andrew: Well, that’s what’s happening with the Harry Potter TV show, so stick with MuggleCast for continuing coverage as filming and more announcements develop.

Micah: We do need to talk about this year’s physical gift, the MuggleCast 20th anniversary retrospective, the MuggleCast yearbook. And look, this is a real book. It’s made of actual paper and everything. It features writing from all four of us, and it chronicles the wild, the weird, and occasionally coherent 20-year journey of the podcast. Inside you’re all going to find behind-the-scenes stories, original writing, and never-before-seen photos, some of which we probably should have kept buried. At this point, who cares?

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: It’s basically a time capsule, but with better jokes and fewer awkward high school photos. We wanted to do something special to mark this milestone, because hey, 20 years is either an impressive run or just a sign we don’t know when to quit. So we’ve poured our hearts, brains, and way too many late nights into making something we think you all will genuinely enjoy flipping through, preferably while sipping a butterbeer or two. And because this is a yearbook, we’re also including a book plate, which is hand-signed by all four of us. You can stick it wherever you like in the book: front cover, back cover, or right over that one photo where we’re all wearing 2005-era fashion choices. It’s totally your choice.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Maybe in the part of the book that says “Autographs,” which is the last page, but yeah.

Micah: Maybe.

Eric: Or on your water bottle!

Micah: I know I’ve really enjoyed contributing to this. I think back to writing about the special guests that we’ve had on MuggleCast over the years, and we’ve had quite a few. We were talking about Warwick Davis earlier, who was on the show multiple times; David Heyman, the producer of the Harry Potter films; David Yates, the director of Order of the Phoenix on, also including the Fantastic Beasts films; we’ve had Evanna Lynch, and there’s a whole section dedicated to all the great guests that we’ve had over the two decades we’ve been podcasting. This gift is going to go out to Slug Club patrons, so a reminder that we send you a new physical gift every year. Just go to Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledge at the Slug Club level to receive this yearbook, and the deadline to pledge is coming up soon; it is September 15, so by the time this episode is out, just a few days left to pledge.

Andrew: So don’t delay.

Eric: Yes, and all patrons have to opt in, by the way. Sitting and looking at the numbers. There is a form you have to fill out specifically to request it once you are a patron. Be sure to do that.

Andrew: Monday, September 15 is the deadline. Thanks, everybody! We really appreciate your support, and we can’t wait to get this yearbook out to you in the fall.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: Now it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 37, “The Lost Prophecy.”

Eric: Yet again, I come across an episode of MuggleCast with a title that’s so good, I think, “How are we going to top it?” And the last time that we were discussing this chapter on MuggleCast was Episode 474 for July 21, 2020. That episode was called “There’s Something About Harry,” and here’s a clip for it.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I don’t know how we’re going to top it.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 474.

Laura: Yeah, I think the suggestion here is that Dumbledore’s office is somewhat sentient and can repair itself.

Micah: Huh, okay.

Eric: I think the Sorting Hat took it upon itself to clean up a little bit.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: And it sang.

Eric: It probably… yeah, it leaned over and a broom came out of it, and then it picked it up somehow and swept.

Andrew: [imitating the Sorting Hat] “Oh, I think this room’s not pretty. I’ll tidy up today.”

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Oh, keep going, Andrew. You’ve got the whole song.

Andrew: [imitating the Sorting Hat] “The headmaster would want it that way. After all, he’s gay.”

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Andrew!

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Andrew: I totally forgot about that. [laughs]

Eric: Nice rhyme skills!

Laura: It’s a good moment.

Andrew: Yeah, wow. And that was before ChatGPT!

[Andrew and Eric laughs]

Eric: Before you could cheat.

Laura: That was all original.

Eric: Oh my God.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Eric: So yes, speaking of Chapter 37, “The Lost Prophecy,” this chapter picks up right where the last one left off. Harry has taken the wizard’s golden head – which is property theft – and Dumbledore made it a Portkey, and it’s transported him to the middle of Dumbledore’s office. Now, it’s impossible to guess what Harry might be feeling. Turns out it’s everything. There is a lot to make Harry restless, and honestly, with all the hubbub that just occurred at the Ministry now, the silence and solitude of Dumbledore’s office is kind of jarring for Harry. He immediately begins pacing. Everybody that’s here, I guess, in the form of the portraits, were at first asleep. It’s just… it’s quiet. It’s too quiet.

Laura: Definitely.

Eric: When left with this much silence and this lack of things going on, the vacuum is going to get filled with… what is it? Harry’s guilt. This is horrible. He has no choice but to reflect on what just happened, and I think the first emotion that crosses is he can’t think about Sirius, because then he would feel guilty. Should Harry feel guilty about Sirius’s death?

Micah: Eh, I don’t know if he should, but it’s certainly a natural emotion in this situation.

Laura: Yeah, I was going to plus one that. I think guilt is just an incredibly common part of the grieving process. I’m not a therapist, but I think we’ve all been through the grieving process at one point or another, and it’s really normal for your brain, as part of that bargaining stage, to think about all the what ifs. “What if I’d done this differently? What if I’d been there at this specific time? What if I had waited for Snape to come rescue me out of the forest before I ran off to the Ministry?” These are all natural things that your brain is going to jump to to ultimately try and soothe the pain that you’re feeling and help you process it. So I think it’s normal. It sucks, but only normal.

Andrew: I think processing is the key word here. This just happened, I mean, so of course he’s going to feel guilty. He’s going to feel every emotion right now; he’s going to replay through his head. He’s in denial that it’s happened too. We see early on in this chapter Harry doesn’t want to speak out loud that Sirius has died, because there would be a finality to it. He’s going to go through all the emotions, and that’s part of the juxtaposition we see between the last chapter and this one; we go from the noise to the quiet. It’s like, “Now I can think. Now my head can start to process what’s going on.”

Eric: Yeah, and that’s a bad thing. What I don’t like to see with Harry is him giving into Hermione’s whole phraseology of what Harry was doing. Harry, looking back on Sirius and the guilt he feels, says, “Hermione… she brought up that saving-people thing. I did rush off. What if I had just waited?” And it’s like, Harry, you did what you could! You tried to do your due diligence; you were hobbled. You had your hands tied behind your back. You don’t need to admit that you have a saving-people thing; it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. So in addition to the guilt, there’s also some self-loathing here. I think Harry wishes he didn’t have a saving-people thing, and he thinks he does.

Micah: I’d give Harry a mulligan here, though, because he’s operating off of the information that he has been given. And he’s been in a similar situation this year where he saw somebody who was very close to him be attacked by Voldemort, and because of his fast acting, they were able to save Arthur, so why would he believe this to be any different? I know that it’s easy for us to be on the sidelines here and criticize him for the way that he decided to act in this moment, but Sirius means just as much, if not more so, than Arthur does to him, and the fact that Voldemort could be torturing him and he’s just going to stand on the side and do nothing about it? I understand why he reacted the way that he did and chose the path that he chose. It’s unfortunate, but you can’t expect him not to, almost.

Laura: Yeah. He’s also beat Voldemort multiple times already, so he’s got some past experience to go off of when thinking about going up against this guy.

Eric and Micah: Yeah.

Andrew: And does Dumbledore even acknowledge in this chapter…? I’m trying to find the moment where Dumbledore acknowledges that Sirius is pretty much the closest thing he has to a father.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: It’s nice for Dumbledore to notice that. Dumbledore notices things like that, yeah.

Micah: The other piece of it, too, is that so many of the safety nets have been removed at this point where Harry doesn’t have much other choice than to himself go after Sirius, right? There’s no Dumbledore; there’s no Hagrid; there’s no McGonagall; Snape just, we think, has left him high and dry in Umbridge’s office. What is he supposed to do? All the adults are MIA.

Eric: Well, to add to Harry’s distress, we have Phineas Nigellus Black, Sirius Black’s great-grandfather, who Harry quickly strikes up a conversation with. He startles awake and he says, “Oh, what? You want me to give a message to my no good, good for nothing, great-grandson?” It’s salt in the wound here!

Andrew: It is.

Eric: And it’s not like Phineas knows this, but gosh, does that hurt to read when you’re reading this.

Andrew: Yeah. Partly because Harry is experiencing what happened before Sirius fell into the veil; he’s kind of caught between two worlds at the moment. But I also like this scene, not what Phineas is saying, but how the other portraits are taking notice, and one of them says, “Does this mean Dumbledore is going to be returning soon?” And they’re all excited to hear that Albus will be back soon, and Umbridge is out.

Micah: Yaaay!

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: Well, life is so much less boring.

Andrew: Well, yeah, and the reason that this stood out to me is I think this is something we should remember as we discuss the remainder of this chapter and this series. [coughs pointedly] People whose portraits are hanging in Dumbledore’s office, in the headmaster’s office, respect Dumbledore, admire Dumbledore, love Dumbledore. He is a legendary figure in the wizarding world, as is being acknowledged by these other legendary figures who have had the privilege of hanging in the headmaster’s office at Hogwarts. So I just want to say people deeply respect Dumbledore.

Micah: They do.

Eric: There’s something about Dumbledore.

Andrew: There’s something about that guy. He’s going places. For another book.

Laura: Is that the title of this episode?

Eric: I’m trying to make it. I’m trying to push it.

Andrew: [laughs] There’s something about Dumbledore! Oh, no!

Laura: There’s something about Dumbledore.

Eric: Or Albus, if we need.

Andrew: Something about Alby.

Micah: With Phineas Nigellus Black, though, I do see where you’re coming from, where you say it’s like rubbing salt in the wound. But when he does find out what’s happened, he does depart his portrait to go to Grimmauld Place, and I think he’s just one of those characters that likes to give Harry a hard time, and he’s a different type of headmaster than Dumbledore is, right?

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Micah: That’s the other piece of this. But I understand that that’s probably the last thing that Harry wants to hear upon landing in Dumbledore’s office.

Eric: Well, yeah, and having seen Sirius die, Harry knows that Phineas is going home or going to Grimmauld Place; he’s not going to find him. And honestly, it’s a mercy that we don’t hear a wail coming from the other portrait through into Dumbledore’s office in the middle of Harry and Dumbledore’s conversation. But small mercies, honestly. This beginning of this chapter goes really hard into Harry’s feelings, but ultimately, this stuff has been pent up for a year. This is the other thing: This chapter really has come to a head, the confrontation or all of the feelings between Harry and Dumbledore, which we’re going to get into, but I like it for that, because ultimately, it’s better to let these feelings out. Even though Harry can’t seem to bring himself to say he’s gone, the conversation that Dumbledore brings on needs to happen, and it needs to happen not just for closure for the book, but for the ability to move forward to whatever kind of relationship Dumbledore and Harry are going to have. Because like it or not, Dumbledore is one of Harry’s loved ones. He tells Harry in this chapter, “I love you,” or “care for you” is as close as he can get. But there are… somebody that loved or cared for Harry is recently departed, and it’s important, I think, in a way, that psychologically we’re getting a kind of a reconciliation, or at least an understanding or a path forward with one of the other people that really do actually care about Harry, and they haven’t been talking all year. So talking about that, I thought it would be fun to give OWL rankings as we get into Dumbledore’s handling of the situation, to how we think Dumbledore handles this situation. Now, this includes staying quiet while Harry breaks all of his stuff, and also to saying, “I’m going to tell you everything,” which happens to then be what he tells him. So just let’s rate Dumbledore’s performance in this chapter. Who wants to go first?

Andrew: I’ll go first. I’ll give it an Exceeds Expectations.

Micah: Shocker.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: He takes responsibility. He says, “Maybe I should have told you things sooner.” He’s very compassionate and yet forceful with Harry. He locks Harry in the office, which I thought was a bold move, considering all he’s put him through.

Eric: That’s wild.

Andrew: But Dumbledore probably made the right choice, because as we see, Harry is trying to get out, and Dumbledore is going to give him some tough, real talk first before letting him go. So all in all, it’s not Outstanding – I think you should be pleased I didn’t give him an Outstanding – but it’s not Acceptable; he did better than that. I’m good with the double E.

Eric: I’m going to say it’s not Acceptable, which is, by the way, an OWL rating, Acceptable. I’m going to say it’s not Acceptable, but only because I don’t think that what Dumbledore is doing is okay, so that means that I have to give Dumbledore a P for Poor. I just think that there’s some revisionist history going. The whole “I’m going to tell you everything,” even if Dumbledore stops short of telling Harry the obvious full series mysteries – which he absolutely does – but even if he only did that, he doesn’t need to lie to Harry. Dumbledore is still manipulating the truths that he’s telling Harry in this chapter, and so for that reason, I find it less than Acceptable. So I think that what this amounts to, even in these tender moments where Dumbledore is saying to Harry, “I just cared for you so much; I couldn’t tell you this,” what it reads more like is that Dumbledore is telling himself stories that will make his own guilt over Sirius’s death feel better, and he’s telling Harry these things that are going to disarm Harry, but they’re not exactly close to being true; we know this. So I gave it a Poor.

Micah: Well, Andrew, you might be shocked by this, but I gave Dumbledore an Exceeds Expectations.

Andrew: Aww!

Laura: Wow.

Eric: The double E!

Micah: The double E.

Andrew: Why?

Micah: Why? [laughs] For all the reasons you said, and then some.

Andrew: Oh, oh.

Micah: I think if you were grading Dumbledore on his behavior for the prior 36 chapters, it would be somewhere in the Poor to Troll category. However, how he handles this situation in his office is borderline Acceptable/Exceeds Expectations.

Andrew: Okay. Yes.

Micah: I just think when he is present, he’s on. When he’s being a 150-year-old man baby, he’s not.

Andrew: Man baby! He admits that old age is part of the problem.

Laura: Shots fired.

Micah: We’ll talk about this later, but his behavior in this particular book is just unacceptable.

Andrew: Okay. Well, he admits he made mistakes, but we’ll get to that.

Micah: Too late. Anyway, I agree with you for now.

Laura: Yeah, admits that he made mistakes while he’s actively making another mistake by not actually telling Harry anything that he needs to know. I kind of went for a middle ground here and said this was Acceptable, and the reason I went with this was because I think, due to the circumstances that Dumbledore himself set up that led to this moment, there was a ceiling to how high I was going to rate this, no matter how well he did. So I thought Dumbledore actually did pretty well in this circumstance, remaining calm, making sure to emphasize to Harry, “It’s okay to feel grief; it’s completely normal. You still have your humanity.” That is something to be thankful for. Taking accountability for several of his missteps. I think these are all great things, but ultimately he, I think, set himself up to be in this situation literally every day for the last year of this story. Every single time he woke up and decided not to tell Harry what was going on, that was a choice. It was a choice every single time.

Eric: [laughs] I see, so you’re saying we shouldn’t really give Dumbledore his flowers for handling angry Harry so well, because he created the situation that created angry Harry to begin… okay, I get it. Yeah. Well, I’ve enjoyed the ratings. I want to talk about how Dumbledore first attempts to make Harry feel better. The first words out of Dumbledore’s lips when he returns are, “I know how you are feeling.” Harry quickly replies, “No, you don’t.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But I think that this is an okay opener.

Andrew: Yes!

Eric: I just gave Dumbledore a Poor; this is an okay opener. “I know how you are feeling.” This is empathetic. This is… it’s not antagonistic. It’s honestly meant to bridge this impossible divide that’s grown up against them over the year. I don’t have a problem with the opening line, and I’ll tell you, but he quickly ruins it. [laughs] How do we feel about “I know how you’re feeling”?

Micah: I think it’s a bit of a throwaway line, and here’s where my head went: And we’ve all seen the TV shows like SVU and Criminal Minds when the cop comes to the grieving widow or parent and says, “I know what you’re going through,” and then they immediately respond, “No, you don’t,” and then they respond, “You’re right. I don’t.” And that’s what this reminded me of. It’s almost expected that this is what Dumbledore would say.

Eric: Oooh.

Micah: “Oh, I know how you’re feeling.” And he might; there’s truth to that. But I don’t think it’s… I don’t know what else you lead with here, to be completely honest.

Andrew: That was going to be my question. Maybe you just say, “I screwed up. Oopsie!”

Micah: Maybe.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: “I made a mistake.” I don’t know what else you could open with that Harry would actually like, other than “I suck.”

Eric: If he said “Oopsie,” that would be amazing.

Laura: Oh, man.

Eric: I would have given him an Exceeds Expectations for that.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “We all make mistakes.”

Laura: Had a little “Oopsie-poopsie” for the entire year? Yeah, I think Dumbledore does know how Harry feels right now. Think about Ariana, right? I think that’s a perfect example of Dumbledore having a similar circumstance where he feels like he’s at fault for the death of a family member, right? So I think he’s trying to relate to Harry in that sense here, but the problem is Dumbledore hasn’t been open about any of this, so it’s not going to resonate with Harry.

Eric: Right, he’s not going to immediately tell Harry, “By the way, I had a sister once, and I blame myself for her death.” That actually would be so effective, I think. Because Harry doesn’t know anything about Dumbledore, it would have the result of bringing the two boys/men closer. Yeah, that’s a heck of an idea. That should be an invitation for Dumbledore to tell Harry more about himself there. But instead, Dumbledore adds, “There is no shame in what you are feeling. In fact, this is your greatest strength.” Now, this is not what Harry wants to hear, but this is also not what I think anybody would want to hear after losing somebody close to them. “Isn’t it great that you feel love and feel the loss that comes from love, Harry? Woohoo! Whoop-de-do! I think it’s awesome that, in fact, you’re able to suffer like this” is what Dumbledore is basically saying to Harry. Of course it doesn’t work!

Laura: It’s the wrong timing, I think, for this kind of thing. I think he’s really trying to impress upon Harry the key difference between Harry and Voldemort…

Eric: Right.

Laura: … in that Harry can still feel love, and that’s all well and good, but I don’t know that this is the time. I think a lot of what comes after this, in terms of explanation, would have been better setup for Dumbledore to then say, “Hey, your grief is your strength, because it’s what makes you different from him.”

Eric: Oooh. Okay.

Andrew: Yeah. So I agree Dumbledore is trying to start leaning into this theme of “Love is your greatest weapon, it’s the greatest power, it’s the thing Voldemort knows not,” so maybe he should have led with a little more details here, because ultimately, I agree with you, Eric, that “Woohoo, you feel emotion and sadness when somebody close to you dies!” That’s not enough to explain why you’re saying what you’re saying here.

Eric: Well, and it doesn’t feel like a strength to Harry, right? It’s the burden. It’s the burden of having lost someone. And so I think what it is, though, based on what Laura and what Andrew, you were saying, is Dumbledore is just thinking about his victory, how he just snatched… Harry is still alive, and has just defeated Voldemort again, and I think that’s thrilling for Dumbledore, to the point where Dumbledore obviously knows what happened. It’s the whole love thing that Harry’s got going on, and so he’s going to lead with this sort of faux pas of mentioning that love is a strength, because Dumbledore can’t, I think, immediately get over the fact that love really is what just triumphed a moment ago when Voldemort was trying to possess Harry and couldn’t. It was because the love. So I think that in Dumbledore’s own way, he thinks he’s explaining some great mystery, but it hasn’t been built up yet, and so that’s interesting.

Micah: Right. To me, it shows that even Dumbledore doesn’t know how to handle a situation like this, and really – and I’m sure we’re going to talk more about it – this whole conversation humanizes Dumbledore. It’s like the curtain gets pulled back on the great wizard that is Albus Dumbledore, and you start to realize his faults. And actually, I agree with what’s being said, because I think he’s so intent on getting Harry out of the Ministry, back to his office, so he can word vomit everything that’s been going on throughout this entire school year to try and save face a little bit with Harry, when in fact, Harry probably shouldn’t even be in this particular situation. He should probably either be with Madam Pomfrey, or surrounded by friends, or with Lupin, or… there’s a lot of other potential scenarios for Harry, and the fact that Dumbledore takes him back to his office, locks him in there, has him wait in silence for him…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: … and then just completely unleashes everything over the course of the last several months that’s been unfolding, and then some, because he goes back in time to tell him all what’s happened. I just think that it shows that he’s human, he’s a human being, and just like everybody else, he doesn’t know the best way to handle these situations.

Andrew: Dumbledore has never been through something like this before, even though we’re heading into the second war. Harry obviously hasn’t been through something like this before. I actually like the point Dumbledore makes about old age. He faults himself because he has had lived experiences that should have been able to inform how he managed Harry, whereas Harry cannot see Dumbledore’s perspective, because Harry is just young; he hasn’t had those lived experiences yet.

Eric: Right, right.

Andrew: So I think this old age argument that Albus brings up is very valid. I think it can be interpreted as Albus saying that it was impossible to know the right way to share things with Harry, because neither of them, no one, has had to deal with this type of very complicated situation before! Dumbledore is leveling with Harry. He could have continued to be like, “Well, I still don’t know the best way to handle all this; just you wait and see.”

Laura: But I mean, he kind of does, though.

Eric: Well, I don’t think the curtain gets pulled back on Albus Dumbledore the man any more than what Dumbledore wants it to be pulled back. To Laura’s point earlier, he could have talked about his sister. That would completely obliterate any pretense of Dumbledore not telling Harry stuff, is if he led with…

Micah: Not to Harry, but to the reader. The curtain gets pulled back to the reader.

Eric: To the reader. No, you’re right. It’s above the text; it’s meta-textual here. You have to understand that when Dumbledore is telling Harry “I’m going to tell you everything” and revealing his faults, it’s not in what he says; it’s in what he does and what he doesn’t do here.

Laura: Yeah. And over in our Discord, Ariane points out, “It feels like he’s trying to control Harry still, even in this moment,” and Forty added, “He’s definitely still driving to the desired outcome of Harry facing Voldy at the right time, a.k.a. setting him up to be a pig for slaughter.”

Eric: There is one moment of brilliance, though, and it does get Harry to stop trying to leave his office, and it’s when Dumbledore says, “You’re not nearly as angry with me as you should be, because if you knew everything that I’ve done, you would be even angrier.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: And okay, all right. This is delicious. This is utterly… Harry is like, “Huh?” And so in this moment, the old age has understood what it is to be young and hot behind the collar, so I think it’s a good get. It forces Harry to pay attention; it also forces Harry to stop wallowing in the guilt spiral and ultimately… like I said, it gets his attention for what Dumbledore needs to tell him, so I think it’s clever.

Laura and Micah: I agree.

Laura: Yeah, I think that was probably the one thing that he could say that would really get Harry to lock in and listen to this whole explanation.

Andrew: Yeah. Another reason I like this chapter and Dumbledore’s heart-to-heart with Harry is Dumbledore is kind of setting up this real talk zone. Like I mentioned earlier, he’s got him locked in. He’s saying stuff like, “You actually should be harder on me.” Harry says, “I don’t care about anything!” and Dumbledore says, “You actually do.”

[Eric and Laura laughs]

Andrew: These are some good back and forth lines.

Micah: Do you think part of that is to make himself feel better?

Andrew: Probably. [laughs]

Micah: Because he’s been absent for the entire…

Andrew: Yes, and he feels bad about!

Micah: Well, does he?

Andrew: Well, he says he feels bad for not teaching him Occlumency.

Eric: Yeah, I think that some of this, “Oh, I should have known, or I should have…” isn’t really repentant enough for my liking. It’s an acknowledgement; there’s points for saying something out loud, but he’d get more points if he meant them, I think. He ultimately is giving Harry lines as an excuse to continue lying to Harry, to some extent. Now, there is some information, however, that is ultimately conveyed – and we’re going to talk about it – but I think on the whole, if we’re going to look at this knowing what we know from Books 6 and 7 and the series as a whole that we’ve just been reading through, I think that we can come to an agreement on there are several key things that were withheld at the end of this conversation that never made it into this conversation, and for a conversation that is itself about stuff that was withheld from Harry, I think it falls short at redeeming the loss that has been pasted over the series. But it’s imperfect; I don’t dislike the book about this. I think that it’s just a very good example of a very flawed person and a dynamic between these two. I don’t think until the end of Book 6 are they really equals, but this conversation could have ended in that way, where, if Dumbledore had given a little bit more, Harry and Dumbledore would be on more of an equal footing, I think.

Andrew: That would have been pretty nice, especially considering the name of the next chapter, “The Second War Begins.” To have them on equal footing as the second war begins would be pretty cool.

Eric: That’s interesting. Okay, yeah, I like that a lot. Harry would be Dumbledore’s man through and through, and they’d be… his rightful soldier.

Andrew: Yeah, copilot.

Eric: Copilot, yeah!

Andrew: Fully aware of the situation and the stakes and what has to be done.

Micah: He kind of is, though.

Eric: [imitating Dumbledore] “Harry, it is time for me to name you co-president of the Order of the Phoenix.”

Andrew: [laughs] “You’re not a prefect, but you’re copilot.”

Micah: He’s his copilot, yeah, just without the flight plan.

Eric: I can see that on a bumper sticker: “Harry is my copilot.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: So there’s a line here that I like; I mentioned it before. “Old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young.” This line is supposed to excuse Dumbledore supposedly not realizing that keeping Sirius cooped up was a problem, and it’s also… Harry’s bustling desire for knowledge, and Harry lashing out when he didn’t have the knowledge – lashing out in this case means going to the Ministry – is what Dumbledore is trying to excuse by saying, “My bad; I’ve forgotten that young people want to know things.” No, everybody wants to know things, right? If you have the answer, it’s your duty to provide… it seems like Dumbledore wants to excuse a bunch of stuff with “Old men forget what it is to be young.” I don’t know that lands for me.

Laura: This is a line… I don’t know that I necessarily buy Dumbledore’s logic here, because he’s smarter than this, but this is a line that has honestly stuck with me for the last 20 plus years of being a Harry Potter fan…

Eric: It’s a good one.

Laura: … and it’s something that I try to remember, because I’m closer to 40 than I am to 20 at this point, and I think sometimes it can be really tempting to look at younger people and maybe judge their trends, or the things that they’re interested in, or the way that they might approach things, and anytime I feel that inclination come up – because it’s natural to feel that way – I often find myself thinking about this line specifically, and being like, “I don’t want to be that person who forgets what it was like to be young,” and to understand all of the limitations, but also all the opportunities that come with that.

Eric: Man, yeah.

Micah: And what ensues is that Dumbledore goes into explaining to Harry why he chose not to disseminate the information after his first year, after his second year, after his third year, after his fourth year… and to me, this goes to the earlier point about just Dumbledore being humanized in this chapter. And my issue is that while he arguably did the right thing in those first four years, you could argue, Dumbledore runs from the situation when the moment was ripe to tell Harry the truth, and to me, that was at the beginning of year five. Giving him not even all the information, but enough of the information. And I know I called him a man baby earlier – 150-year-old man baby – but think about how he behaves. He’s so afraid of being watched – and he does a lot of watching, by the way; he says as much in this chapter – but he’s so afraid of being watched by Voldemort that he puts Harry through hell this year. I mean, he behaves like a 2-year-old with a temper tantrum, like, “Don’t look at me! Don’t look at me!” He runs out of the courtroom. There are all these moments where you say to yourself, “Are you this wisened old Yoda/Gandalf type figure, or are you another teenager at Hogwarts?”

Laura: Well, and I think this is where the “greater good” mentality still comes in for Dumbledore, even though he doesn’t necessarily hold all the same views that he did when he was young and when he was so infatuated with Grindelwald. But you can definitely see that there is an element here of Dumbledore thinking about the entire chess board, if you will, and saying, “I know what’s best for our world,” right?

Andrew and Micah: Yeah.

Eric: Well, and to that point, it’s worth pointing out that the only reason Harry gets many of the answers at all in the entire series is because Harry happens to be at the boathouse right as Snape is bleeding out, and… because this is a flaw with Dumbledore as a person that actually never gets resolved. Dumbledore is not telling Harry stuff.

Micah: The Shrieking Shack.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That’s not the boathouse? Oh, I movie-ismed it. I’m sorry. Thank you, Micah.

Andrew: It’s okay; I prefer the boathouse, personally.

Eric: I appreciate… yeah, it’s nice because the glass and the…

Andrew: Yeah, the water.

Micah: Anyway.

Eric: Wherever Snape is dead, Harry is present…

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: … and it’s the only reason that Harry knows anything, because Dumbledore’s flaw is not telling Harry stuff, and it’s a flaw that never gets resolved. The only reason Harry knows anything about Snape and his love for Lily – and what saved him, and who the silver doe was, and the whole fact that he’s got to be willing to walk into the forest – all of this stuff comes from Snape’s memories, and there was never, at any point in Deathly Hallows, a time when Harry could have retrieved these memories until the last possible second. And so it’s reckless of Dumbledore to further not… to keep, after this moment, still not telling Harry stuff, because there’s such a small chance he’s ever going to get that stuff, unless Dumbledore is open.

Andrew: Yeah. I know we like to avoid this point because it’s not helpful for analysis sake, but the way it plays out in the story is beautiful. It is amazing that Harry gets these from Snape’s memories, and Snape provides them at the last minute. And yes, the timing’s convenient, and Dumbledore shouldn’t have waited so long, and it’s lucky that it worked out this way, but the way it does play out is beautiful.

Laura: I don’t know; I just have to observe the ultimate irony that it’s Snape who gives Harry what he wanted from Dumbledore the entire time.

Andrew: [laughs] Snape, who Harry thought has been the enemy this entire time, is actually incredibly helpful.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: Well, there’s something else about Snape that Dumbledore is not telling Harry, but we’re going to talk about what Dumbledore is not telling Harry on the second part of this discussion. I also just want to ask here, because there’s this moment where Dumbledore closes his eyes and he buries his face in his long-figured hands; Harry watches him. “This uncharacteristic sign of exhaustion, or sadness, or whatever it was from Dumbledore, did not soften him. On the contrary, he felt even angrier that Dumbledore was showing signs of weakness. He had no business being weak when Harry wanted to rage and storm at him.” And now I’m thinking, is this an additional tactic so that Harry calms down? Because if he sees how gosh darn old this guy in front of him looks – all 150 years of him are on his face right now – is Harry less likely to attack? The reason I ask if this is an act on Dumbledore’s part is because he was just fighting Voldemort! He was so spry and was doing magic like we’ve never seen and didn’t… there’s not a scratch on Dumbledore from Voldemort at full power, facing off against him, and yet here, when he’s in his office and Harry is raging at him, he’s like, “I’m so tired right now.” [laughs] I think it’s an act.

Andrew: Oh, no. I think Dumbledore is not just physically tired, but mentally exhausted. He’s been trying to do his best, like I was saying earlier. Nobody could have predicted that the situation would play out exactly how it did. You couldn’t predict how it would play out. Voldemort is a pretty unpredictable person; there are a lot of variables at play. It’s just… I think Dumbledore is just… he wanted to win, and he’s not winning right now, and it’s exhausting. He’s trying his best. He’s trying his best, y’all! Can’t you give him credit for that?

[Micah laughs]

Laura: Yeah. What does Miley Cyrus always say?

Andrew: “Everybody has those days”?

Laura: Oh, I thought…

Andrew: “It’s the climb”? “I can’t be tamed”?

Laura: I thought the other one was named “Nobody’s Perfect”?

Andrew: “Nobody’s Perfect”!

Laura: I feel like the… yeah, there you go.

Andrew: See, I get confused because that was technically Hannah Montana, but I’ll allow it.

Laura: Oh, oh, sorry. Well, have you ever seen Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus in the same room?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: I’m just saying.

Micah: I feel like, Andrew, you’re going to be shocked, because I agree with you. I don’t even think this is weakness; I think it’s just…

Andrew: No.

Micah: It’s pure and utter exhaustion, and it’s him demonstrating his emotion and how he feels about Harry and everything that has transpired over the course of these last several years, and it’s all culminated in this moment. And I do think there’s something to the fact that he just fought Voldemort.

Andrew: Yeah!

Micah: Voldemort is no pushover.

Andrew: And Voldemort just possessed Harry! I mean…

Eric: I think it’s convenient exhaustion. He was on it with Fudge; he had to set the whole wizarding world straight! Now he comes back to his office and he’s tired? Come on. Give Harry the time he needs.

Micah: You know what wore him out? Talking to Kreacher. That’s what tired Dumbledore. That whole conversation he had to put up talking…

Eric: With Fudge?

Micah: No, Kreacher.

Eric: Oh.

Micah: You mentioned the other creature; I’m talking about the house-elf. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah. So it’s interesting. But moving on to the whole “I’m going to tell you everything,” here’s the quote: “Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses. ‘It is time,’ he said, ‘for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please sit down. I’m going to tell you everything. I ask only a little patience.'” What I have to say about an overview of what Dumbledore tells Harry is that it does very nicely tie up a lot of the Book 5-specific plot things, right? We find out everything there was to know about exactly who found out the information about the prophecy, when it was conveyed, what Harry’s visions have meant. There’s a lot of… there’s answers. There are answers. And where it falls short, I think, as we’ve been alluding to all episode, is the either half-truths or continued omissions of some of the more series-relevant stuff, the bigger picture things. And so what I want to know – because even though we get a lot of these answers to Book 5, and Dumbledore talking to Kreacher and all that stuff – I think there was another missed opportunity for Dumbledore to actually thank Harry for starting Dumbledore’s Army, or talking about how Harry’s own resistance helped them get to the moment that they’re at. For a man that is allergic to talking about how he cares about Harry, he nevertheless could have said, “Good job,” or praised him, because I think that Harry would have really responded to it if Dumbledore had talked about how “We’re such a good team,” or how “Your efforts this year, apart from losing Sirius, they weren’t all in vain, because you did such great work.” Something… I guess that’s what I want out of this conversation.

Laura: I think that maybe he’s steering clear of talking about Dumbledore’s Army, just because that’s ultimately what got Dumbledore sacked from Hogwarts, and that’s what really let the poo hit the fan.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: You think he’s still sore about it? Or just that… yeah.

Laura: I don’t know that he’s sore about it, but I also don’t think that Dumbledore would necessarily want to bring that up right now, because it’s another in a series of events that ultimately led us to where we are now. And granted, a lot of that is Dumbledore’s fault, and some of it, you could argue, is Harry’s fault, but that’s more so due to the fact that Harry was operating with incomplete information, right? And so maybe he’s trying to avoid bringing that up because Harry doesn’t need something else to feel guilty about. Does that make sense?

Andrew: That’s what I was thinking, too. Harry’s got enough on his plate right now; I think Dumbledore’s Army is ultimately not the most relevant thing to… yeah, he doesn’t need to load more on him. He’s already ready to snap even further. You don’t need to push him.

Micah: And Laura, I know you mentioned Ariana earlier. I think a lot of Dumbledore’s behavior in his conversation to Harry is informed by what happened to his sister, or I would even maybe extend it further than that to say that a lot of his behavior since Harry was left on the Dursleys’ doorstep was probably informed by what happened to his sister. Because as this relationship between him and Harry grow, he talks about caring for him, loving him, and we know that the closest person to him outside of his brother was his sister, who adored him, and he holds himself fully responsible for what ultimately happens to her, and I think he might be afraid of the same thing happening to Harry, somebody else who he deeply cares for.

Eric: I love this. Taking that view, it actually makes a lot of sense why Dumbledore isn’t even getting close to touching how he feels about Harry. He’ll mention, “Oh, I care for you,” but because his… he must still feel the loss of Ariana so much that he can’t think about losing Harry, even though he knows Harry has to attack Voldemort in the end.

Micah: Right.

Eric: He’s never going to tell him this. This is why it’s not Dumbledore that tells Harry this to begin with; it’s the overheard memory in the end.

Micah: I think there’s this internal struggle for Dumbledore between being the chess master and being this grandfatherly figure, and he can’t figure out the middle ground.

Eric: I like it. But as a wrapping-up, when Harry…

Micah: Is Trelawney here? [laughs]

Eric: Oh, yeah. Well, we’re going to talk about the prophecy in a minute, but actually, when Harry asks the qualifying question of, “So sir, one of us must kill the other?” Dumbledore is like, “Yeah. And also, by the way, I bet you’re wondering why I didn’t make you a prefect.” And then the chapter ends, and I’m like, “Oh, Dumbledore doesn’t want to talk anymore.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: This is 100%… he doesn’t want to get into any more detail about it; he just cracks a joke.

Micah: I think it was just supposed to be a light way to end the chapter. Just think about how the previous chapter ended and just how heavy this chapter was.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: I’ll be honest; I didn’t like it.

Laura: Oh!

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: It felt out of place. It was irrelevant. It wasn’t funny. Dumbledore can be funny, quirky…

Eric: Because we as readers are so absorbed.

Andrew: Yeah, it just… didn’t like it. He should have said something else. I love a Dumbledore joke, but it wasn’t working for me.

Micah: [laughs] Maybe just not even include it. End it with Harry asking the question about whether or not they had to kill each other, and that’s it.

Eric: And Dumbledore is just like, “Goodnight, Harry.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Or just be like, “Hey, you gonna pay for any of those things you just destroyed in my office?” I don’t know. “Actually, I was just kidding that I have too much stuff. That was a lot of valuables you threw away, or broke.”

Eric: This would be the perfect moment for the Michael Gambon Dumbledore “Goodnight.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, leave it at that.

Laura: But imagine how powerful it would have been if we’d had this moment where Harry is like, “Wait, so one of us has to kill the other?” and if we had just gotten the chapter wrap with the single tear rolling down Dumbledore’s cheek.

Eric: Ohhh.

Laura: I think that would have hit so much harder.

Eric: Let’s talk about the prophecy! We do get the full text of it. Turns out the prophecy was made to Dumbledore, and Dumbledore’s memory is not that of a 150-year-old man; it’s much better. The best prophecies are self-fulfilling, right? Where it’s like somebody tries to stop it, and you can only… you can’t do it and ends up putting things in motion.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: So I love this whole “Voldemort will mark him as his equal,” and it turns out there were two. This prophecy and the whole circumstance around it is nuanced enough to be really interesting. And the whole series… the bedrock of the series is pretty much the way that Voldemort chose… he only heard half the prophecy, which is clever, and he chose to act on it in a very specific way that Dumbledore points out. So I just find it very interesting. It’s always like… reading this chapter, I’m like, “Oh yeah, what might we infer about Voldemort’s overall character based on his choice to go after the half-blood and not the pure-blood?” and all that stuff. So I don’t know. I’m just always interested to read this.

Laura: Yeah. I mean, he’s deeply insecure, and his interpretation of this prophecy was really to view it as a mirror, right?

Andrew: I will say that when Dumbledore is talking about refilling the position of Divination, he indicates he was skeptical…

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Andrew: … and he was thinking about not even hiring, filling the role? And this was a weird thing for him to include. It feels ultimately irrelevant. Why even add that to what you’re telling Harry?

Eric: Yeah, is he trying to play on Harry’s…? “Oh yeah, Divination is kind of a crap subject.”

Andrew: “It’s stupid, right? I wasn’t going to refill the role, but then this woman walks in and screams at me…” [laughs]

Eric: “I wasn’t even going to take this interview!” Yeah, no, it’s a good question, because what is his point in saying that? Ultimately, he did take the… he knew Trelawney’s blood history, and he does ultimately take the interview, so what does he have to gain by telling Harry? “I wasn’t even going to refill that position.”

Andrew: Yeah, it just ultimately felt irrelevant to the story that he was telling.

Eric: There’s so much secrecy surrounding this whole encounter. He doesn’t say who interrupts, who overhears the prophecy; it was Snape. He doesn’t talk about the barman at all, who’s his brother. And he actually – we talked about this on 474, and there’s a great paragraph about it; you can check out the transcript – but Dumbledore completely puts the location on Trelawney. He says Trelawney chooses the Hog’s Head because it’s cheap. That didn’t happen; I’m sure Dumbledore wanted to meet Sybill here because of his brother. So I don’t know. It just raises more questions than answers, him bringing up that part, to your point, Andrew.

Laura: I don’t know if he was just trying to be real with Harry.

Eric: It’s time to be real, everybody.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Real talk zone.

Laura: Yeah. You know, like trying to relate to him in so far as, “Yeah, we both know she’s a fraud. Let me tell you why she’s actually here.”

Eric: It’s kind of a cool reveal.

Micah: And this is not the first prophecy that we’ve heard from Trelawney.

Laura: Right.

Micah: As we’ve been connecting threads between Order of the Phoenix and Prisoner of Azkaban, we heard… and Harry actually recounts this in the chapter, that he had heard this voice before, and it was back in Book 3 when Trelawney made the prophecy about Wormtail returning to Voldemort, and so we continue to see these nice little nuggets, nice little threads that we are able to connect.


Superlative of the Week


Eric: We’ve talked a lot about Dumbledore; it was warranted because the chapter… Dumbledore has not been in this book, so here it is. The MVP segment for this episode is going to be what is the most damning Dumbledore quote? Which one makes him the most kind of bad, actually?

Andrew: So the one I wanted to share is actually one we were talking about a few minutes ago. Laura, I love that you said it’s stuck with you over the last 20 plus years. This is the one line I had highlighted in the ebook while reading this chapter: “Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young… and I seem to have forgotten that lately.” It was powerful. Hindsight is 20/20.

Eric: What makes that quote damning?

Andrew: Well, it was damning in that, like, “Wow, it’s some real talk from him.”

Eric: Yeah, yeah. No, I can get behind that. And it’s damn cool. Here’s what I’m going to say, and this is out of context, kind of. It’s, “What did I care if numbers of nameless and faceless people and creatures were slaughtered in the vague future, if in the here and now you were alive and well and happy?” Who talks like that? [laughs] But it’s a compliment. Harry is going to love to hear this, right, that “I cared for your happiness,” but you could just say that. Instead he says, “All these people are going to get slaughtered, and it’s going to be fine.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: Okay?

Micah: Including him. The one that stood out to me was when Dumbledore said, “I defy anyone who has watched you as I have – and I have watched you more closely than you can have imagined.” Uh, stranger danger?

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: I mean, what? What this also makes me wonder is, especially throughout Order of the Phoenix after Dumbledore has left, how closely is he watching Harry? Could he have intervened at another point?

Eric: Oooh.

Micah: And maybe even looking back at other books, were there moments where he could have stepped in? He is admitting here to keeping a really close eye on Harry.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: What about last year with the Triwizard Tournament?

Andrew: Yeah, were you watching then?

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Then there wouldn’t be a question of “Didya put your name in the arrraarrrghhhh?!”

Laura: [laughs] I’m also thinking about, like, Chamber of Secrets. Where were ya?

Andrew: “You liar!”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Hey, we’re going to get to that!

Laura: My selection here was, “I thought Professor Snape could overcome his feelings about your father.” I call BS on that.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: There is no way you thought that he was going to be able to overcome that. Just a few books ago, at the end of Sorcerer’s Stone, you were telling Harry that his father did something to Snape that Snape could never forgive, and that was saving his life. You knew, you absolutely knew, that there was no way Snape was going to be an objective party in any of this. And I think he’s just projecting the level of maturity that maybe he would have in that circumstance – or that he thinks he would have – onto Snape, and it’s not reality.

Micah: We didn’t talk about this much, but this is one of the major missteps that Dumbledore has in this book, by assigning Snape to teach Harry Occlumency.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Micah: He knows the history, as Laura just pointed out, and the fact that he allows Snape to… and the fact that he corrects Harry to “Professor Snape”; that’s where…

Andrew: [laughs] That was silly, too.

Eric: It’s real talk time!

Andrew: There’s multiple weird moments from Dumbledore in this chapter. [laughs]

Micah: Yeah, if I were Harry in that moment, I don’t know what I would have said after that.

Andrew: Slap him?

Micah: Yeah. Pull his beard. I don’t know.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Greasy Snape. Snivellus.

Andrew: I will say, though, I think we have discussed this a little bit in prior Chapter by Chapters this series, about how bad of an idea it was for Dumbledore to appoint Snape into this role. So the Dumbledore Lie Count returns?

Eric: Yes, yes! You alluded to the sound effect for this. But it turns out we used to do a segment called the Dumbledore Lie Count on this show, and we had to stop because Dumbledore is not in this book, until now, so great. And at last count, Dumbledore had lied about 12 times, or actually we hit 13. So we last stopped on 642 at 12, and then there’s another one that was added in 706. So we’ve been toying with the idea of returning to Lie Count, but here we are about to add more. So the lie that I have is the one… it’s a lie of omission about the spy at the door to the Hog’s Head. So Harry, in this chapter – we just mentioned this – “Snape,” “Professor Snape,” “Yeah, him, whatever.” This whole moment where Dumbledore is revealing this crucial-most point about the prophecy completely glosses over that it was Snape who overheard. And I understand why Dumbledore wouldn’t want to get completely down this tangent, but it’s an example of Dumbledore conveniently sweeping very important plot details way under the rug, and Harry is none the wiser for it. So I think this is damning enough to add to the Lie Count. This would be number 14.

[Dumbledore Lie Count sound effect plays]

Andrew: Ding!

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: You know what? Let’s do one more. And I mentioned this earlier…

Andrew: Oh no.

Eric: … but Dumbledore says it was Trelawney that chose the venue, and I don’t think that’s possible.

[Dumbledore Lie Count sound effect plays]

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: The Lie Count is now at 15.

Laura: Well, just wait until we get to The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore.

Andrew: Augh.


Lynx Line


Eric: Okay, well, we asked… this is a great Lynx Line; I’m very happy with the Lynx Line this week that we’re going to talk about, because we have talked about on the show how withholding information nearly cost Dumbledore the whole ball game. So we asked over on our Patreon: At what moment in the series should Dumbledore actually have told Harry everything?

Andrew: Everything. All right, well, Rachel said,

“I think Dumbledore could have told Harry about the prophecy at the end of Sorcerer’s Stone when Harry asks why Voldemort wanted to kill him. News that Horcruxes exist and Voldemort has made some could come in Chamber of Secrets when Harry destroys the diary. He can learn that he is a Horcrux in Half-Blood Prince when they’re determining what all the Horcruxes are. I’m now debating whether Dumbledore should have told Harry about the Hallows. Are we including that in ‘everything’? If so, I’d say Half-Blood Prince.”

Yeah, that could be included. So everything shifts a few years. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, yeah. At least that generates, I think, a habit for Dumbledore. If his problem is never giving up crucial detail to Harry, which is a strategic problem, then it makes sense that he would start the habit of telling Harry about one crazy true thing every year. Steph on the Lynx Line says,

“Had Dumbledore been more honest with Harry, he may not have been so compelled to figure everything out and handle it on his own. Had the info about prophecies been shared, Harry could have used logic and critical thinking in a more successful way rather than being a loose cannon and constant liability. If Trelawney’s second prophecy wasn’t enough of a good time, the Quidditch World Cup should have been the time to release key details. Had it happened in Prisoner of Azkaban, I’m not sure we would have Sirius Black’s character built in the same way, but it might also not have cost Sirius his life.”

So I guess general feelings for Book 3 and Book 4 there. Get more details.

Micah: Zachary said,

“Dumbledore should’ve broken the ice right after Prisoner of Azkaban. Harry just witnessed the confession of Peter Pettigrew and helped spring his godfather from the clink. Having some knowledge of the ever-looming threat would’ve sharpened his focus on Defense Against the Dark Arts even more. When they realized the cup in Goblet of Fire was a Portkey, he may have been able to anticipate what’s next, and could’ve possibly saved Cedric as well as postpone the return. I do believe the remaining weight of it all should’ve been told during the summer between years four and five.”

Laura: Brandy says,

“I want to say Book 1 as an answer to Harry’s question, and it could have been done in an age-appropriate way, then each year the reason could be added to. If first year is too young, then after Harry’s name comes out of the Goblet. Both Snape and Dumbledore are going to know he didn’t put his name in the Goblet, nor asked someone else to. This would give some reason to why it happened, and it may have made Harry weary of people. But barring either of those two answers, it should have been revealed when Harry first comes to headquarters in Order of the Phoenix. Then he would have context to what was happening, and, ‘fingers crossed,’ seek out an adult.”

Yeah, I think it’s a great point.

Andrew: John said, “At the start of Book 5 after Harry processed the death of Cedric and Dumbledore researched everything.” Yeah, he was owed more information then.

Eric: Yeah, I’d agree with that. Billy also agrees:

“In the summer between four and five. Harry needed some time to process everything that happened at the end of the tournament, but it would have solved so many things for him to know what’s going on before the Dementors appeared in Little Whinging.”

Micah: And Ning Xi says they also agree.

“I think he should’ve done it at the start of Order of the Phoenix. Give it some time for the events of Goblet of Fire to settle and prepare him for what’s ahead. I’m pretty sure Dumbledore could have found some way around Voldemort and Harry’s link. I think Harry could’ve worked harder at Occulmency if he had more context than in the book.”

Laura: Totally. Darin says,

“It really should have been right after the end of Task 3 for the Triwizard Tournament. With Voldemort having returned, Dumbledore knew that he would want to know the prophecy in its entirety. Instead, he let Harry stew all summer, making things much worse all around.”

Andrew: Sherry said,

“I’d say at the end of fourth year, when Riddle has gotten a body. First and second year, Harry was probably too young to hear the prophecy, but once Riddle was back, it was just about criminal for Dumbledore to keep the truth from him. This maniac gets him into a dangerous tournament, kidnaps him, tortures him, and yet the one who knows why doesn’t bother to tell Harry. It’s not right.”

Eric: I’ll tell you what, though; here is a complete alternate opinion to the ones we’ve so far shared. AJ says,

“I vote ‘no change’ on Dumbledore’s cadence of sharing. It’s a crucial part of showing us there is no perfect authority out there to rely on. Besides, the Dumbledore in Harry’s head at King’s Cross is the wisest Dumbledore in the book anyway. Cryptic hints from Snape would have been interesting additions.”

Okay. No change!

Micah: Barry says,

“I kind of think the way Dumbledore didn’t share everything until Harry sees it in Snape’s memories and talks to imagination Dumbledore at the end of Book 7 was the move, because it kept Harry motivated to find the Horcruxes and carry out the mission. BUT, if I had to change it, perhaps having Hermione figure it out in Book 7 and giving her theory to Harry when they were camping would have been cool, and he could have started thinking about it sooner. Maybe it could have been hidden in the rune book Dumbledore gave her, or she just pieced it together herself.”

Eric: Ooh, I like the idea of Dumbledore giving Hermione a quest.

Laura: And I mean, per usual, Harry would just be like, “No, Hermione, that’s stupid.” [laughs] I mean, we’re about to see him do that in Half-Blood Prince. And then Catherine says,

“As a parent, I empathize with Dumbledore. I think my answers before being a parent and after would be vastly different. I agree with Dumbledore that at 11, Harry was too young to understand the gravity of what he would be expected to do. Learning you would need to die, but only at the opportune moment, would be incredibly traumatizing for a child. And in subsequent years when dealing with the witnessed death of Cedric and Sirius, I would have feared overwhelming Harry. There is no ‘good’ moment to tell Harry everything, but probably the ‘best’ moment would have been after Cedric’s death. It’s possible more information could have prevented Sirius’s death, and Dumbledore could have created a small amount of hope out of a horrible situation by telling Harry his suspicions about the implications of using Harry’s blood in Voldemort’s rebirth.”

Andrew: It was a great question to ask, and great answers, everyone. Thank you so much.

Laura: Thanks, y’all.

Andrew: The Lynx Line is a great way to have your voice heard on the show, whether or not you’re listening live. We ask a new question every week, and we invite you to become a member of our community by visiting Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledging. Don’t forget, if you pledge at the Slug Club level, you will be eligible to receive this year’s physical gift, so this is the best time to become a member. Patreon.com/MuggleCast; pledge at the Slug Club level, and we will get the yearbook out to you in the fall. If you have feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, and next week, we’ll discuss Chapter 38 of Book 5, “The Second War Begins.” Don’t forget to visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all the information that we share today; our social media channels you can also find links to, our contact form, all of that. And if you’re looking for more podcasting from the four of us, listen to our other shows, Millennial and What the Hype?!, for more pop culture and real world talk.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for everyone’s favorite game show, Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question was: In this chapter, the statues of the Fountain of Magical Brethren spring to life to help save the day, but in the summer of 1985, widespread panic occurred when statues in County Cork, Ireland began to seemingly move on their own. What were those statues of? The correct answer is that these were known as the Marion Statues; they’re of the Virgin Mary, and there were a few others said to move that were of other saints or holy figures. Only 12% of people with the correct answer say they didn’t look it up, so that was a hard one. Don’t worry; this next one’s a little bit easier. But here are this week’s winners: Can Any Geezer Portkey to Hogwarts?; DobbyIsFree; Don’t turn your back, don’t look away, and don’t blink!; Don’t blink, blink and you’re dead; Elizabeth K.; Gryffinpuff from Sweden; I Love September for Many Reasons but Mostly Cause I’m Getting Married; Jugson, the forgotten Death Eater from Chapter 36; Laura’s personal Umbrella Academy heckler; Lynn the Allomancer; Saint-like Bort Voldemort; The Angels have the Phone Box; and of course, our friend, Tofu Tom. Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: In this chapter, Harry smashes a number of Dumbledore’s silver trinkets. Speaking of small silver things, the original player tokens for Parker Brothers’ bestselling Monopoly board game were the battleship, the boot, a cannon, thimble, top hat, and iron. Later, a dog was added. Here’s the question: What breed of dog is the dog token in Monopoly? Any dog lovers should know this.

Micah: Aww, it’s a nice tribute to Sirius.

Eric: I’m glad you caught that. Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or if you’re on our website – maybe checking out transcripts or must-listens and all that – just click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: We’re about to record a new bonus MuggleCast, and we’ll be looking at what could a Harry Potter hotel in the Muggle world look like? An all-inclusive, immersive experience. What would that look like, if Universal were to put that together? We’ve got some plans, and we’re going to have fun discussing that over on our Patreon this week, so don’t miss that bonus MuggleCast. We record two bonus episodes every month. Thanks, everyone, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everyone!

Eric, Laura, and Micha: Bye.

Transcript #718

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #718, Bella! My Loca! (OOTP Chapter 36, The Only One He Ever Feared)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And the four of us are your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books and the movies and the upcoming TV show, so make sure you press that follow button in your favorite podcast app, and that way you’ll never miss an episode with your Potter people. And this week, we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 36, “The Only One He Ever Feared.” That would be Albus Dumbledore, thank you very much.


News


Andrew: I mentioned the TV show; we do have a bit of a update there. The Harry Potter TV show has revealed who will be playing some of the Weasley family. Tristan Harland is going to play Fred Weasley, Gabriel Harland is going to play George Weasley, Ruari Spooner is Percy, and Gracie Cochrane is Ginny. Any thoughts on these? We got a cute selfie of them with the actor who’s playing Ron, who is Alistair Stout. They’re all redheads.

Eric: They’re very cute. They look like a family; I’m glad to see a picture of them bonding. I’ve seen comments that are like, “This is exactly how I picture them in my head in the books,” and it’s really nice. What I loved about this the most, though, is that Chris Rankin had a really sweet story mention of this, where he talked about it being 25 years since his casting, and that yesterday… these other Weasleys, another Percy was cast, and he said, “So the baton is passed,” and that was really lovely.

Andrew: Oh, that is sweet.

Micah: It is great to see the Weasley family starting to come together; I know we got the casting from Molly not that long ago. But we’re still lacking a few of the Weasley clan: Charlie, Bill, Arthur. I know none of them really make an appearance till, earliest, Chamber of Secrets, but given that we got some characters already confirmed that are in Chamber of Secrets, like Malfoy and Fudge, can we expect an Arthur casting in the not-too-distant future?

Eric: Oooh.

Andrew: I imagine all these people are already cast, because they have to screen test against one another and all that.

Eric: Right.

Andrew: And they’ve got a lot of people to reveal, so I think they’re kind of just taking their time. My theory as to why they released these Weasley castings now is maybe they are going to be filming some public King’s Cross scenes in the weeks ahead, and maybe they want to get out ahead of that. That’s my best guess, though.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, they’re going to have to do Charlie for the first season, are they not?

Eric: Well, his friends show up, right? But not…

Laura: Oh, that’s right. It’s not him; it’s his friends.

Eric: I want the casting announcement for Charlie’s friends from Romania.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Give it now! I’ve been waiting!

Andrew: Everybody but Charlie.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Eric, I wanted to ask: Who do we think is going to be the first cast member that we get that…?

Eric: Arrested for marijuana use? Sorry, that’s so funny.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: That did not appear in the Harry Potter movies. Which character are we going to get?

Eric: Ooh, this is something we could put money on.

Micah: We could.

Andrew: Yeah, put some Galleons on it.

Eric: It should be Peeves, but I’m not betting on Peeves.

Micah: And did we get a Piers Polkiss in Sorcerer’s Stone?

Eric: Well, no, but there have been… that may already be… because I’ve seen him in promo or behind-the-scenes photos.

Micah: Yeah, who do we get officially, though? Not just in paparazzi photos. Yeah, we should maybe think about putting some Galleons down on that.

Eric: Interesting.

Andrew: That could be a good bonus MuggleCast. So what characters from the books that didn’t make it into the movies are going to first come into… going to be officially announced for the TV show? That’s the question?

Micah: Yep.

Andrew: Okay. Ludo. No, that’s too late.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: That’s too far.

Eric: That’s way too late, yeah.

Andrew: That’s years from now. [laughs] Peeves is a good guess.

Eric: Yeah, if they have the courage.

Andrew: Well, we can think of that. Maybe do a bonus MuggleCast around it or something.

Eric: That’d be interesting.

Andrew: But yeah, those are the latest developments there. Cute photo of the gang, like Eric said. And stay tuned, and we’ll be covering the TV show as things develop. Before we get to Chapter by Chapter, we want to remind everybody that this year’s physical gift exclusively for Slug Club patrons is here. It’s the MuggleCast 20th anniversary retrospective yearbook. This is a real book featuring writing by each of the four hosts, telling the story of the podcast across these last 20 years. We have lots of behind-the-scenes looks at the show across these two decades, including tons of original writing and never-before-seen photos. It’s a treasure trove of archival material. This is a really special gift; we’ve never put a book together, so that’s been really exciting. We wanted to do something really special for this milestone achievement, and so we’ve put a ton of time into creating something that we really think you’ll enjoy flipping through and cherishing for the next 20 years. And since this is a yearbook, we will also be sending you a book plate that is hand-signed by all four of us, and then you could take this and place it wherever you want in the yearbook. Recently, Eric showed us at a recent meeting the Jamie’s British Jokes page. It has every single Jamie’s British Joke of the Week in it, and it’s really cool. [laughs] It’s just… there’s little touches like that across the yearbook y’all are really going to like. This is a gift that goes out to Slug Club patrons, and we send you a new physical gift every year, so go to Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledge at the Slug Club level to receive the yearbook. The deadline to pledge to receive the yearbook is September 15, and we will be off next week because of the Labor Day holiday, so don’t delay; jump in now. Join the Patreon now. And – and and and – as everybody knows, to celebrate our 20th anniversary, for the whole month of August we are also offering a 20% discount off an annual subscription to our Patreon. We have never offered a discount this large before. This offer ends at the end of August, so please don’t delay. Go to Patreon.com/MuggleCast. Pledge now. You can use the promo code “20YEARS” at checkout. Also, by default, the discount should be 20%, so you don’t even have to worry about the promo code.

Eric: Andrew, since you mentioned the joke compendium, let’s tell a British joke. How do you feel about that?

Andrew: Oh, do you have one ready for us?

Eric: I have one ready for you. What is the most common owl in Britain?

Andrew: Uh… an, uh…

Micah: You have to at least say it in a British accent.

Eric: I can’t.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Eric: It already exists in a British accent, and I couldn’t possibly top it.

Micah: We should have played it. We should have clipped it.

Eric: Okay, I didn’t get the clips!

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I just pulled the transcript words, Micah. Geez, heckling me. The most common owl in Britain is a teat-owl, as in a tea towel.

Andrew: Huh.

[Micah groans]

Andrew: Is that one going to be included in the yearbook? I think we need to cut that.

Eric: They were all that bad.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: And that one’s definitely in the yearbook, yeah. It’s basically the most British joke ever. But they’re all in there. There are 60 jokes that were told.

Andrew: Patrons who receive the yearbook, maybe you should go through each one and kind of rate them on a scale of one to five stars, and then let us know.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Send a picture.

Laura: There we go.

Eric: Yeah, we won’t spoil it, but the pages are very recognizable in the yearbook, so you could also read just one a day to improve your mental health, or keep the bookmark in there or something; just open to it whenever you want… it’s going to be a good opportunity.

Laura: We can pass the ratings on to Jamie 20 years later.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Hurt his feelings on some of them.

Eric: “Here’s what people think of all your awful jokes.”

Laura: “We stack-ranked your British jokes.”

Eric: Oh, man.

Andrew: [imitating Jamie] “Ouch, mate. You didn’t like my jokes?”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Patreon.com/MuggleCast. Please don’t delay; this is the time to become a patron, and you get tons of other benefits, too, besides the physical gift. We do a lot on our Patreon.

Eric: We do.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: Time for Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 36, “The Only One He Ever Feared.”

Eric: We last discussed this chapter on MuggleCast 473, which is called “Dumbledore v. Voldemort.” Sounds like a court case. That was released July 14, 2020.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 473.

Andrew: This was also a tearjerker moment, though, just reading this line from Neville: ‘Harry… I’b really sorry… Was dat man – was Sirius Black a – a friend of yours?” [cries]

Micah: “Was that the man that stole the password list from me back in year three?”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: “That bastard! I’m glad he’s gone!”

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: “Broke into Gryffindor tower and scared the crap out of all of us?”

Andrew: “How could he be a friend of yours?”

[Eric laughs]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Laura: Wow. Well, what a setup for the start of this chapter where Harry comes to the horrific realization that Sirius really ain’t coming out from behind that curtain. He is well and truly dead, as they say. And because of this, Harry immediately decides to bolt after Bellatrix, yelling that he’s going to kill her, and something that really stuck out to me about this first sequence was Harry ran into the rotunda room trying to chase her. She had already gone through a door, and the room had already spun around and reset itself, and Harry, in desperation, just yells out, “What’s the way out?” And the door to the atrium just popped open.

Eric: Huh.

Andrew: “This way! This way! This way!”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: So could they have done this the entire time?

Eric: [sighs] Maybe it’s only for the exit, right? Because you feel like you go into a government building, you’re on your way to traffic court or something, oops, wrong turn, Department of Mysteries…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: “Where’s the exit? How do I…?” The second you close the door, the room rotates. You’re like, “Oh, God.”

Andrew: Yeah, if you already figured out your way in, they should throw you a bone and let you get out easily enough.

Eric: Maybe that’s it. But like you said, we didn’t… there was no indication that this was a voice-activated room the first time.

Laura: Right.

Eric: And there’s also this indicator that… or situation where they didn’t exactly know the name of the room they were going to because they didn’t know it was the Hall of Prophecy. They knew there were a lot of glass orbs, or a room of shiny things. I think Harry is literally like, “We’re looking for the room with shiny things.” So if it is voice-activated in the rotunda, they wouldn’t have been able to ask, “Can you show us the Hall of Prophecy?” to even test this theory.

Laura: Right, but I guess I’m thinking could Harry have tried to say, “Where’s Sirius?” And obviously it wouldn’t have worked, because Sirius wasn’t there…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: No, you would hear a game show [makes a buzzing sound] kind of thing play and then…

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, or it would have been like, “Run. Turn around. Run. He’s not here. Run.”

Eric: Aww.

Micah: I do like the idea that for security purposes, you can get out if you need to, especially in a place like the Department of Mysteries, where presumably you’re not supposed to be there unless you have the appropriate credentials, and Dumbledore’s Army certainly is not a group that has the appropriate credentials to be there. So I do like that idea that if you need to get out, the Department of Mysteries will let you out.

Andrew: Yeah, they don’t want you stuck in there. Why would they want you stuck in there?

Eric: It’s like how you summon the Knight Bus is you just throw your wand arm up. It seems very user friendly for those situations where you’re really in it as a wizard. But the alternative here… because if the room is not wired to do this, then Harry is using some kind of special magic without realizing that he’s using very special magic. He’s frustrated; he’s gone through, I think, pretty much all of the emotions, and he says, “Where’s the exit?” That’s obviously not the incantation to open the door, but we’ve seen this before, where in high stress, wizards can produce an effect that they desire, so the “Where’s the exit?” is just something he says, while his body, or his willpower, his sheer force of will, is forcing open the correct door. I like that too.

Laura: Yeah. I will say I’m coming around to this idea that this is a feature of this room.

Andrew: I think we’ve figured this out.

Laura: It feels very forward-thinking, which I’m just not used to from…

Micah: From us?

Laura: … wizarding bureaucracy.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: No, that’s fair, but I bet a thousand people got trapped in there before they added that feature.

Laura: Yeah, they all fell through the veil.

Eric: How many people keep wandering into the brain tank, “Ooh, this looks cozy; let’s swim”? They have to be able to at least ask for the exit.

Micah: Could we also throw out a third possibility, which is that Voldemort may be assisting Harry in getting out of the Department of Mysteries so that…?

Eric: To go kill Bella?

Micah: Well, so that he can ultimately confront him.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Using her as bait.

Andrew: Does he have that much control, though? I mean, he just says, “I want to go,” and it happens. The timing would be very coincidental, I think.

Eric: Well, and Bellatrix also finds the exit immediately, because she’s running.

Laura: Right.

Eric: So Harry is chasing after her, but she’s closed the door behind her. But how did she find it so quickly to begin with also? I like the idea that there’s something that just the adults know and the kids don’t, such as you can ask for the exit.

Micah: I think that for the most part, the Death Eaters have mapped out the Department of Mysteries based on all of the reconnaissance that they’ve been doing up until this point, between Podmore and Bode and the fact that Lucius has been hanging out down here. Didn’t one of the Death Eaters also used to work in the Department of Mysteries?

Andrew: I think so.

Eric: That’s Bode. I think he was an Unspeakable.

Micah: Well, no, one of the Death Eaters.

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Micah: Possibly Rookwood?

Eric: Rookwood.

Laura: I thought… yeah, I think you’re right about that.

Micah: So I think that Bellatrix… she also could just have a lot of magical ability that forces the room to show her the exit.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, we know she’s very powerful.

Andrew: Yeah. By the way, I really like this point from James. “So by this logic, would asking the walls nicely to unlock the door to the love room work?” I think you’d have to say something like, “I’m looking for love. I’m looking for where the magic happens.”

Eric: Yeah, you have to stroke the doorknob.

Andrew: “I’m looking for something to do with my wand.”

Laura: [laughs] I don’t think that’s what the love room is for.

Andrew: People are asking for the show to get weird again, so that’s my attempt right here.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yeah, people actually are asking. We get five emails a week about that.

Andrew: “Make MuggleCast weird again.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: So Laura, I also thought that it was important that we take a minute to feel for Lupin here, because obviously, Harry has lost his godfather, but Lupin has just lost his best friend not long after regaining him. It’s not been, what, but two years since Sirius has been cleared, at least for those who know him well enough. And the fact that Lupin does everything in his power to prevent Harry from following Sirius through the veil, I think, speaks volumes of his character, given what emotionally he’s probably going through in this moment.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: I mean, that is an incredibly difficult line to walk. You’re trying to restrain and comfort Harry and look out for him, while also grieving the loss of your lifelong friend. But I think he’s probably just so shocked in the moment too. You just kind of kick into protector mode and do what you need to do no matter the emotions.

Laura: Yeah, I think that’s right.

Eric: He’s got a lot of logic, and he knows that Harry is ready to jump into the veil. [laughs] Not because Harry has a death wish, but he’s literally just… he’s sure that there are people in there, and if they’re in there then they can come out, is Harry’s logic.

Micah: Lupin, I know, is going to get a little bit of a bad rap as we move forward in the series, so I just wanted to take a moment to appreciate what he does here. And not only does he help Harry, he helps Neville, because he removes the curse from Neville’s legs so that he can walk again.

Laura: Right.

Eric: He’s like, “Neville, you sound ridiculous. I can’t do anything about that just yet, but I’ll help your legs.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Again, Neville’s still got a broken nose, unfortunately.

Laura: So in the atrium, Harry actually manages to kind of hold his own with Bellatrix, at least initially, and ultimately, he manages to produce a decent enough sounding Crucio that it does initially catch her off guard.

Eric: It knocks her off her feet. That’s kind of cool.

Laura: Yeah, yeah, and I mean, initially she’s…

Micah: She actually tripped.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: She conveniently at the same moment was just like, “Oh.”

Laura: And she was so embarrassed by… wait, what would embarrass her more, getting hit by a teenage Crucio cast, or tripping in the middle of battle?

Andrew: Probably the former.

Laura: Yeah, but it’s good enough that she’s initially knocked off her feet. She yells. She has a moment of fear about this, but it’s very clear that Harry doesn’t yet have the skillset to be able to successfully cast something like this. And she says that line that I think we talk about quite a bit with regard to Harry’s character around the Unforgivable Curses, and she says, “You have to mean it. You have to really want to cause pain and torture in order for this to work.” And I’m wondering, do we think Harry could have gotten there with Bellatrix if he had had more time with her?

Andrew: So I think the answer is in how she is describing it. Like you said, she said, “You need to mean them, Potter! You need to really want to cause pain – to enjoy it – righteous anger won’t hurt me for long – I’ll show you how it’s done. I’ll give you a lesson.” Does Harry really want to cause pain and enjoy it? That’s tough, even in a moment like this. Maybe yes, he wants to cause pain, but does he enjoy it? I’m not so sure. That said, I think with more focus and determination and just maybe being a little more calm, he would be able to cast this curse on her.

Micah: So I disagree slightly. I’m not sure he’s mature enough at this point to really mean it, despite what just happened to Sirius, and the main reason being that Harry is dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions in this moment. And I think if we’re to compare this to just a couple books later in Deathly Hallows, to when Amycus Carrow spits on McGonagall, the Crucio that Harry casts here is far more intense and far more intentional. And yes, he’s a couple years older, but I think he really is able to channel his emotions and be in the proper state of mind to use this Unforgivable Curse. He is livid at what has just transpired in front of him, and the only thing on his mind is repaying Amycus Carrow for what he just did to McGonagall, to the point where it even shocks her.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: I do wonder if Harry were able to successfully cast Crucio, how that would have played with the Ministry of Magic, because… would he have been let off the hook for this Unforgivable Curse? It is Unforgivable.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: And I mean, this is the same Ministry that is ready to punish Dumbledore at the end of this chapter, so I really wonder how they would have reacted to this.

Eric: It’s wild, because they have some Death Eaters that are downstairs restrained in their Department of Mysteries. There was clearly break-in; the Death Eaters themselves are clearly involved. There’s not a lot of deniability there, but they’re looking for chances to chuck Harry in Azkaban. So maybe it’s one of those situations where… I mean, unless Dumbledore arrives and stages the scene to be otherwise, yeah, Harry could be in hot water here. But that actually brings up another question that I had, which is how does Harry get up here before Dumbledore?

Micah: It’s a good one.

Eric: Because if you read the first couple of paragraphs of this chapter, Dumbledore has already mostly taken care of all the Death Eaters, and most of them are tied up. Kingsley is dueling Bellatrix; Kingsley falters, he moans, he goes, “Ahh,” and that gets Dumbledore’s attention, so Dumbledore lets Bellatrix leave. And then, while Harry is still being restrained by Lupin, I guess Dumbledore doesn’t really do anything, because then Harry goes and runs past Dumbledore, up the stairs, out the room, into the atrium. What is Dumbledore playing at here? Because it should be his… he should be going after her, and certainly not Harry, who is not capable of rational thought right now and… yeah, what’s going on here?

Laura: Well, James in our Discord is saying, “Harry has the speed of youth on his side.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: And he’s got a lot of rage right now, too, so I feel like that’s speeding him up.

Eric: There’s an App-arate for that.

Micah: Dumbledore’s middle name is Apparition.

Laura: True.

Micah: He can Apparate anywhere he wants to at any time, it seems like.

Andrew: Maybe he hadn’t gotten his steps that day, so he was like, “Well, I’d better just run this one out, because I need to close my rings.”

Eric: But it takes a while for Dumbledore to arrive. It’s not like there’s 15 seconds between Harry and Bellatrix, and then Dumbledore shows up.

Micah: Maybe Bellatrix and Harry used up the free passes to get through the exit door, and so Dumbledore was just sitting there trying to…

Eric: Ohh. Trying doors?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric and Micah: Yeah.

Laura: That’s rough.

Andrew: The room is like, “How many fools are in here today? How many times do I have to just give you a free pass out of here? Dang.”

Eric: I just… it feels irresponsible. You know what it gives? It gives Sorcerer’s Stone vibes where Dumbledore, I think, flat-out says to Harry at the end of the year, “I thought you had a right to face Quirrell-Voldemort if you wanted to.” Harry was 11 years old! That was a bad call. But it feels like he’s letting Harry go and avenge Sirius. Maybe it’s due to guilt over his involvement in the fact that Sirius ended up dead, but this is still a reckless decision, especially because it puts Harry right in front of Voldemort again.

Laura: Well, especially considering we know that in just a few months’ time, Dumbledore is going to be making Snape swear to him that he’ll kill him and not to let Bellatrix do it, because she likes to play with her food.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: So he knows exactly what type of Death Eater Bellatrix is and is resigning Harry to that fate. God, Laura, that’s such a good call-out.

Micah: And on top of that, we’re going to be in a situation very similar to this at the end of Half-Blood Prince, where Dumbledore does, in fact, immobilize Harry. He prevents him from getting involved.

Eric: Ohh.

Micah: Maybe we couldn’t do that in both books; that would have been a little too repetitious.

Eric: Or he knows that Harry would just be really cross if he lets him not get his revenge now.

Micah: Do you think deep down that maybe Dumbledore is hoping for a Voldemort cameo?

Eric: Probably.

Laura: Yeah. Well, I mean, at this point, isn’t Dumbledore starting to really put together the Horcrux theory? We don’t know about it yet from Harry’s perspective, but is he trying to test the waters here to see what happens when the two of them are in the same room?

Eric: The same body, even, as happens?

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: No, I think that makes sense. I mean, Dumbledore was onto the Horcrux thing since Chamber of Secrets, right? And I think…

Laura: Yeah, no, I guess you’re right.

Andrew: Now it’s a good opportunity, though, to your point, to see what happens when the two of them are together, while Dumbledore is a monitor of the situation.

Eric: Safely viewing the…

Andrew: Yeah, he’s not going to let anything bad happen.

Eric: [laughs] No, no, no.

Laura: Right, nothing bad happens here.

Andrew: Yeah, come on.

Micah: I do agree, though; I think that Dumbledore should have done some sort of intervention here to prevent Harry from going after Bellatrix.

Eric: Or splitting his soul or something.

Micah: It’s reckless.

Eric: Yeah, there are protections here. There is… yeah, revenge is never good. So Dumbledore is careless at worst, and manipulative and strategic at best. And I think it probably… I probably go on the latter where he’s letting Harry go up there, maybe in the hopes that Voldemort will show up, or that he’ll learn more about the situation. But it puts Harry at risk.

Laura: Well, we’re going to get a little bit more into this discussion when we get back, specifically about Bellatrix. I know, Eric, you have some points you want to bring up.

Eric: I am so excited.

[Ad break]

Laura: Eric, tell me about Bellatrix.

Eric: We need to talk about Bellatrix.

Laura: Yeah, what’s the deeper reading that you’re doing here?

Eric: Yeah, so this time reading through, I picked up just a few things. And we know, of course, in the plot of Cursed Child, that it is in fact Bellatrix and Voldemort whose child is involved. And I have to just ask, because some of these things are a bit odd going through the books with that in mind. So the first of three things I noticed is that after Harry fails to cast the Crucio curse, Bellatrix mentions that the Dark Lord himself taught her the Dark Arts, and that’s kind of an interesting little tidbit. She says, “I was and am the Dark Lord’s most loyal servant, I learned the Dark Arts from him, and I know spells of such power that you, pathetic little boy, can never hope to compete.” And funnily enough, to that, Harry casts Stupefy at her. But what is this personal tutelage that she’s received from Voldemort? When did it start?

Micah: Bow-chicka-wow-wow.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: No, really, because either it’s private between the two of them, or Voldemort and all of his Death Eater army are running drills. Like, “Okay, guys, today we’re going to learn to conjure a snake.” Can you see that happening?

Andrew: Well, we’ve always known that Bellatrix has had an attraction to Voldemort, right?

Eric: Yes.

Andrew: She’s really fawned over him. So I could see her asking…

Eric: You could also see it being one-sided, though.

Andrew: Right. No, no, definitely. But I could see her asking her boo, “Hey, could you give me some lessons?” And maybe he wants to improve his ranks, so he’s like, “Yeah, I’ll teach you a thing or two.”

Eric: Because it’s a little bit different. I mean, if you look at the wording, though, it’s a little bit different than saying “The Dark Lord showed me the most heinous spells, and I learned the Dark Arts from him.” That speaks to a long term development kind of…

Andrew: Fair.

Eric: So that’s interesting. That’s just an interesting way in which she puts it. She’s married, by the way.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But moving on, as the second thing, Voldemort refers to her as “Bella.”

Andrew: That’s a big flag to me.

Eric: Yeah, what does this say…?

Andrew: That makes the Cursed Child, the twist, canon to me. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah. This alone, I think, could do it, because that’s an informal version of her name. We don’t ever see Voldemort… yeah.

Micah: Which just happens to mean “beautiful.”

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: So we don’t ever see Voldemort using an informal name with his followers. In fact, he rigidly calls many of them by their surname. Macnair… he doesn’t even call Peter by any of his names; he calls him “Wormtail.” So to shorten the name of one of your few female followers in such a way seems to also indicate some level of affection from Voldemort. And they’re in front of people now, so even if he calls her Bella on the side, why wouldn’t he just, in this instance, call her Bellatrix, the full name?

Andrew: Yeah, yeah.

Eric: Like, “Bellatrix, you’d better come with me.”

Andrew: Apparently their relationship is out in the open if he’s using it in a public setting. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah. Or they’ve known each other in this way long enough that he doesn’t even think about it when he says it, which is so weird to imagine Voldemort having an affectionate name for somebody, because that just doesn’t… it feels like that falls in the realm of Voldemort not understanding love.

Andrew: Yes!

Laura: So I mean, yeah, it’s weird.

Eric: Here’s where it happens: “Master, I am sorry, I knew not, I was fighting the Animagus Black! Master, you should know -“ And he says, “Be quiet, Bella. I shall deal with you in a moment.”

Andrew: [imitating Voldemort] “Bella! Where’s the prophecy, Loca?”

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: I like that.

Andrew: That’s a Twilight reference, for anyone who…

Micah: Oh, is it? There’s a prophecy in Twilight?

Andrew: No, no, a line from Twilight went viral. “Bella, where the hell have you been, Loca?” said by Jacob. [laughs]

Eric: One of the things that could make Twilight worse is if there were a prophecy in it.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Laura, though, I’m glad that you brought this up, because one of the things that I picked up on is that Bellatrix, as far as we know, is the only female Death Eater, at least the only one that we’ve met up until this point. And as far as I can tell, the only one we ever meet is Alecto Carro in Deathly Hallows.

Eric: Ah.

Micah: Narcissa is…

Eric: Unconfirmed.

Micah: … most likely not a Death Eater. I think she’s just part of the crowd, and a resistant part of the crowd at that. And so I’m curious, do we think this is why Voldemort chooses to interact with her in this way? Because she’s really the only female part of his Death Eater squad?

Laura: Yeah, and I mean, honestly, I could totally see Voldemort being one of these eugenics bros who thinks that it’s his duty to sow his seed and produce perfect specimen children. That just feels right up his alley.

Eric: That escalated.

Laura: Sorry. I mean, tell me I’m wrong.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: No, look, I don’t think you’re wrong. But it’s interesting that he softens, right? This is Voldemort in all of his glory, and he’s also threatening her. He says, “Be quiet. I will deal with you later.” Like, “Stop groveling.” But he calls her by a softer name. You would think he would go all the way, hard, the way that he does on his other Death Eaters with her. So that’s just two of three. The third thing that I want to mention – and this has to do with sort of towards the end of the chapter – the only reason that Cornelius Fudge sees Voldemort is because after he fails to possess Harry or keep possession on Harry, and he doesn’t have a body anymore because he’s disappeared entirely, he actually comes back. Voldemort comes back, but it’s only for a few seconds to rescue Bellatrix Lestrange from the rubble that she’s under and leave.

Andrew: That’s love.

Eric: And it’s in those few seconds… why did Voldemort come back into the room, corporeal form where he can be observed, or, even worse, attacked? Dumbledore is in full form right across the way. You’re really going to come back to rescue a Death Eater? Voldemort is not supposed to care about his Death Eaters! He’s not supposed to care about anybody but himself!

Andrew: [imitating Voldemort] “But it’s Bella, Loca!”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I think you’re making a great case here for the Cursed Child twist being canon.

Eric: And I hate that!

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: I’m glad you bring up these points. I don’t! I like that it ties back to Order of the Phoenix. Thank God we have some evidence.

Eric: I don’t think that makes it a better play.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: No, but… I know we talked about this before, but I feel like timeline-wise, it could work that Bellatrix could be pregnant at this point, which would really explain why he would come back to get her.

Eric: Oh. Especially if he thinks about it the way that you said that he probably thinks about it. He’s got mileage, or what’s…? Mileage? He’s got baggage, or Bellatrix has something that he needs…

Micah: Bellatrix baggage?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

[Eric sighs]

Micah: But if I’m to play a little bit of devil’s advocate, could it also just be because she is fiercely loyal to him, and he wants to ensure that he has at least one Death Eater? Because at this point, all the other Death Eaters are tied up down in the Department of Mysteries, and let’s face it, we don’t really know where their loyalties truly lie at the end of the day. Bellatrix is completely committed to him.

Eric: Yes. Yeah, I mean, he’s down six or seven Death Eaters; it makes sense that he would save who he can. Except it’s Voldemort! He’s not supposed to care about anybody except himself, especially when the stakes are so high. So it’s interesting because, again, Fudge only sees him at the very last second when he’s there to rescue Bella, and if his instinct… if Voldemort had just fled, we still would get another year or two of the Ministry’s official line on Voldemort being that he’s not back.

Micah: Maybe he’s also just trying to clean it up. He’s trying to ensure that… he didn’t know that Fudge was going to show up.

Eric: Right.

Micah: If he’s able to hightail it out of there and remove Bellatrix from the scene, then it’s just a bunch of Death Eaters that got caught down in the Department of Mysteries. I don’t know. I like where you’re going; I agree that this is a very cool way that you’ve organized this Cursed Child story.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: Well, it’s just interesting because I really question… it’s these little moments in the dialogue and uncharacteristic behavior, especially of Voldemort – we don’t see him too often in the books, but when we see him, he doesn’t behave like this – that really makes me question whether he and Bellatrix have gone to a Coldplay concert together or something, you know what I mean?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I mean, he’s like her boss, after all. She’s married.

Andrew: Oh, that would be good. Somebody Photoshop that.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Yeah, but I don’t know. I don’t know the nature of their relationship.

Micah: You could get that from AI, probably, in about 30 seconds after the show.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Well, cool. Thank you for that. Because yeah, I think that’s an element of Voldemort that we don’t really talk about. I mean, until Cursed Child, I don’t think anyone considered that he could even physically procreate.

Eric: I remember that being a big sticking point.

Laura: Yeah. [laughs] We were like, “Okay.”

Andrew: Don’t judge a book by its cover, y’all. No nose is helpful, I think, for that.

Eric: Well, there’s a lot else going on with Voldemort in this chapter alone, too, so it’s easy to miss it.

Laura: Well, I wanted to talk about the symbolism of the Fountain of Magical Brethren, because there is quite a bit of subtext, I think, we can read into here. You have the witch, the wizard, and then you have a centaur, a house-elf, and a goblin, and of course, the house-elf and the goblin are just looking up starry-eyed at the witch and wizard. It’s really giving this idea that magical creatures are somehow subservient and happy to be so to wizards, which we know is not reality. But this fountain gets absolutely wrecked over the course of this battle, and I think there’s some symbolism here. The big one that stuck out to me was what happened to the wizard figure that was used by Dumbledore to protect Harry. So Voldemort, right after he appears, very quickly decides that he’s going to AK Harry, and Dumbledore saves Harry by having the wizard figure from the fountain basically hold him captive against a wall. However, that wizard figure was decapitated, and I thought this could be potentially an omen of Dumbledore’s coming death.

Eric: Like a self-sacrificial for Harry kind of…?

Laura: Right.

Micah: Well, Dumbledore doesn’t protect Harry, so there goes that theory.

Eric: [laughs] Wow.

Micah: I’m just joking. [laughs]

Laura: Well, I mean… so no, I mean, you’re right; he doesn’t protect Harry as much as he should, that’s for sure. But I don’t know if it was meant to sort of serve as a little bit of a red herring for what was to come. I thought it was a very intentional choice that Harry was protected by the wizard; Bellatrix was protected by the witch, although that was probably more so just to get her out of the way, not so much to protect her, but it had the added bonus of protecting her, which feels very Dumbledore to do. Do no harm, even if the person definitely deserves to be harmed.

Eric: Dumbledore is like Batman in that way. He’s not going to kill; he’s going to just imprison.

Micah: And being pinned down by the witch… we know that she’s ultimately destroyed by Molly in Deathly Hallows.

Eric: Oh.

Laura: Ooh, I like that. That’s great. Thank you for that, Micah, because I was like, “There’s got to be something to this,” and I just… it was… yeah, I wasn’t able to draw an inference there. So that’s a really, really good one. I was also thinking with the centaur, it loses an arm, and I was just honestly – candidly – just looking up literary theory and representation about what it means to lose limbs, what that’s intended to represent.

Eric: Let’s ask George Lucas.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Sorry.

Laura: That’s amazing. “I have the high ground.”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: But anyway, the loss of a limb like that is very representative of a loss of power, and I think that’s definitely a very active theme with the centaurs, particularly in this book. So to see that happen here, but then also the fact, Micah, you brought up that the centaur also charges Voldemort. The centaur is also being used, in this case, to ward off an enemy, very similar to what Hermione was just trying to do.

Eric: Oh! Dumbledore did it too! Everybody’s doing it. Let the centaurs take out the garbage.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Could we also maybe flip that and think that the centaurs perhaps will come around and see the larger threat that Voldemort poses to the wizarding world, and in the moment that it’s called for, will charge Voldemort and his followers?

Laura: Yep.

Eric: Seems reasonable.

Laura: Yeah, it does. And the one that I’m really having trouble connecting here is the goblin. It loses an ear.

Eric: Huh? What?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I don’t really know how to connect threads to what’s coming in the rest of the series to that. [laughs]

Eric: It’s interesting…

Andrew: Well, Fudge and co. have not been listening. [laughs] That kind of works backwards, but…

Eric: The goblin and the house-elf statues are very interesting to me in this chapter, because they go and get help, which is not strictly a protect or attack role that Dumbledore has given to the witch and the wizard and the centaur. And at the end of it, when things are settling down, the house-elf and the goblin applaud Dumbledore, are like, “Yay!” And I find it so interesting, because I have to ask what is the magic? What is the…? Is it transfiguration to where…? Because we see statues do that a couple of times. The suits of armor at Hogwarts are like that, but they’re always kind of single-minded. So is Dumbledore controlling the goblin and the house-elf to clap for him here?

Andrew: I don’t think so.

Eric: Because if not, then it’s actually more problematic, because the whole reason that the Fountain of Magical Brethren is problematic is thinking that these other races that are non-human will adore the humans in the room, right? So if Dumbledore brought them to life and just said, “Do whatever you guys want to do,” and they’re like, “Yay! Wizards are great!”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Then you see how that’s also a problem. So I choose to think that Dumbledore gave ’em part of his personality, and right now he needs two little hype men…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … so he’s literally… because Fudge shows up…

Andrew: Dumbledore doesn’t really carry an ego about him, so that’s why this isn’t checking out for me.

Eric: I think he does carry an ego, but it’s subtle. I think he’s intelligent enough to, when the moment calls for it, get something that seems like it’s not him to promote his coolness.

Micah: I do think, though, that there’s something to be said for the obedience factor of the goblin and the house-elf going for help, especially as it relates to house-elves, because throughout this series we’ve seen them be so loyal to… whether it was their family or to other individuals, so the fact that Dumbledore chooses these two to go for help… and I guess you could also maybe look at it as him getting them out of harm’s way, even though the goblin does lose an ear. Maybe he has a little bit of a soft spot for these creatures, and he realizes that if he leaves them here, they’re probably going to get blown to smithereens by Voldemort.

Andrew: Well, that part sticks.

Eric: I’m going to call this for what it is: The goblin and the house-elf aren’t tall enough to protect Harry, so they have to go.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: The wizard gets to Harry because he’s the biggest and most likely to be able to protect him. I mean, except maybe the centaur. But I think the goblin and the house-elf are used in a way that would be sort of, “Okay, you can’t fight, so you go call for help.”

Andrew: Yeah, their skillset is going to call for help in this scenario.

Micah: Dobby is pretty good.

Andrew: Yeah. HedwigsTheme does agree with you, Eric. “That’s hilarious and cocky and elaborate. Totally Dumbledore-coded.” Your theory a couple of minutes ago.

Eric: Oh, thanks. Yeah, if you go back and read when they clap and what the circumstances are, it sounds… it’s at the perfect moment for Dumbledore to look good. And Dumbledore and Fudge have this tense moment – which we’ll get back to the chapter in a second – but they have this tense moment where you’re uncertain if Dumbledore is about to get arrested still, but then a second later, probably after the clapping, he starts making demands of Fudge. “Here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to do this, this, and this, and this, and this,” and so I think it’s all because he had an audience clapping for him.

Micah: Going back to what you said earlier, though, Laura, I do think there’s larger symbolism here in the fact that the Fountain of Magical Brethren gets completely destroyed, right? And it’s almost like a reset. It’s a larger message that’s being sent, I think, that in order to defeat Voldemort, the entire wizarding community is going to need to find a way to work together, as opposed to how things were done previously. Like you were saying, the fact that you had all of these other creatures that were looking up adoringly at the witch and wizard, that’s no longer the case, right? Everybody is more or less on equal footing. And I think that probably Dumbledore may take a little bit of satisfaction in the fact that he had a hand in this fountain being destroyed. Of course, we know what comes to replace it in Deathly Hallows is far worse, but you can actually probably debate that there are some similarities between the two of them.

Laura: Right. Yeah, no, definitely. I think it’s just a matter of degrees.

Micah: Right, for sure.

Eric: Cedric Diggorys? Amos Diggorys?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Oh, degrees.

Micah: Eric’s got the dad joke this week.

Laura: There we go.

Andrew: Check.

Eric: Sorry, I’m on a Delphi kick. It’s killing me.

Laura: Voldemort is in the atrium. We already covered some of this, but he does confirm, ultimately, that Harry is being truthful about the prophecy being lost. Bellatrix, of course, initially thinks Harry is lying about this, but Voldemort is very quickly and easily able to read Harry’s mind because, you know, he didn’t really learn Occlumency this year.

Eric: Oh. [laughs]

Laura: So, oops. That sucks.

Andrew: Aww.

Laura: And we already talked about the events of what the fountain does, and Harry being protected by the wizard statue from the fountain, but getting a little deeper into this part of the chapter where the battle between Dumbledore and Voldemort starts, I just have to say that I think I stand corrected here, and I think I need to own up to the fact…

[Andrew gasps]

Laura: … that we’ve made fun of this scene in the movie for years for being like a Pokémon battle…

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: … and upon rereading this chapter, that’s pretty much what happens.

Eric: Yeah, that’s what it is.

Laura: [laughs] That’s what it is.

Andrew: I think that’s okay! Personally, I… and I have this issue with Quidditch too. Sometimes so much is happening, it’s kind of hard to follow. If it’s more straightforward, like this turn-based kind of Pokémon battle, that’s okay.

Micah: All right. But shouldn’t we also hold the movies in some ways to a higher standard, especially as it relates to battle scenes? You have millions of dollars at your disposal to be able to create epic battles and…

Eric: I’m going to stop you right there, Micah.

Micah: Well, let me just finish…

Eric: Okay, okay.

Micah: … and you can do whatever you want. [laughs] But we’ve watched videos on YouTube created by fans where there is better spell-casting and better battle sequences than what is actually in the Harry Potter films.

Eric: Okay, now I’ve got to ask, Micah, when Order of the Phoenix came out during the summer of Potter, did you go and see…? Because the last 30 minutes are in IMAX, right? Did you see this Pokémon battle between Dumbledore and Voldemort in IMAX? Because you can’t knock it till you’ve seen it in IMAX.

Micah: No, I didn’t see it at all.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That’s where it looks cool. That’s where it really pops. That’s where it’s not as ridiculous-looking as it is…

Micah: Not everybody can go to IMAX.

Eric: I’m joking, of course.

Micah: No, I know you are.

Eric: Yeah, I think the TV show will have more time to devote to it, which is ultimately the… I’ve told this story before, but reading this book for the very first time, I was like, “They could make just this Ministry of Magic segment two hours long.” It’s that complex.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: It’ll be a whole episode for sure, I think.

Laura: Definitely.

Micah: No, one thing I do hope that the TV show does is kind of elevate the spell-casting and some of the other battle scenes that we’ve seen in the series, and I do hope, too… I know we didn’t talk about this when we were talking about the fountain, but Max it.

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

Micah: We didn’t see the Fountain of Magical Brethren come to life in the movies.

Laura: Right.

Eric: That’s a part of this chapter and the previous one that’s really valid and valuable to see adapted, because they’re using the scenery around them to affect change. The magic is fun and all, but they’re using the shelves to get away from the Death Eaters, or they’re using the statues to protect Harry and pin Bellatrix. That’s, I think, the visceral, cool angle that we’re looking for that just wasn’t really in the movies.

Andrew: And I think we’re already seeing hints of this with the paparazzi photos from filming, but we are seeing some welcome changes, I think, stylistically, and hopefully that does get carried over to wand work, battles, stuff like that.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: Yeah, we complained about Order of the Phoenix showing Voldemort in a suit, but wait till you see Voldemort in a tracksuit.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: It’s going to be amazing.

Andrew: It’s going to be so ’90s, early 2000s.

Eric: A ’90s tracksuit.

Andrew: Yeah. No, so I’m optimistic that they are making a conscious effort to do things a little differently, put a good twist on things. And I think a big question here is going to be are they working with the same wand choreographer this time? Are they bringing in new people who are going to have a different vision for it? That’s a factor. And last thing I’ll say on this is we were nervous about the wand work in Hogwarts Legacy before we got into that game, right? We were like, “What are battles going to be like?” Because it can be kind of hokey, but they did an amazing job in that video game. So I’m not saying the people who worked on that are going to work on the TV show, but that leaves me optimistic for the future, how things can evolve.

Eric: It was Paul Harris, by the way. Shout-out the wand choreographer for…

Andrew: Great guy, great guy. I’m sure he goes to the conferences, teaches people the spell work… but yeah, let’s get somebody new in there.

Laura: Definitely.

Andrew: Micah T. He has some thoughts, clearly.

Micah: Not the only one.

Andrew: Wand choreographer Micah T. All right, I’m done.

Laura: Hey, that sounds like a great alternate career path. Maybe we can all look into that.

Eric: If Micah and Laura get married, Micah takes her name and becomes Micah Tee.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Well, they are already married; that’s why…

Laura: I don’t think that’s where Andrew was going with that.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Oh, okay.

Andrew: No, I was just abbreviating his… I don’t know if Micah brings up his last name on the show anymore, so I just played it safe.

Laura: So anyway, Voldemort briefly possesses Harry, and it’s kind of a full circle moment because in the earlier parts of Order of the Phoenix, Harry was very concerned that he was being possessed by Voldemort, and remember, Ginny has to confront him about this and ask him all of these questions so that she can then say, “Hey, if you’re not losing time, if you’re not blacking out and then waking up doing weird shit like having strangled chickens, you’re probably not being possessed by Voldemort,” but Harry actually gets to feel that here.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Eric: It’s excruciating.

Andrew: And this is just a heartbreaking scene and moment to read and watch. It just… and with the movie, it’s illustrating what’s going on with dramatic music, and Harry’s face. Harry is being used by Voldemort after being tricked earlier, falling into his trap, and all Dumbledore can do is watch. It’s just so sad. It’s one of those scenes that sticks with me.

Eric: I do like seeing Dumbledore at a loss here, because he is for a little bit.

Micah: I do like the way the movie did it with the montage, but I also really liked in the book how it’s Sirius and only Sirius that loosens Voldemort’s grip on Harry…

Laura: Yep.

Micah: … and the fact that Voldemort can’t even stand a little bit of compassion speaks volumes. I get for a viewer, seeing that montage of all of the happy moments in Harry’s last five years at Hogwarts, it hits home, but for a reader… I’m wondering, too, with the TV show, how might they choose to adapt this? Because the fact that the loss of Sirius is so fresh in Harry’s mind, but yet him thinking of him immediately conjures these positive emotions, throws Voldemort completely off in this moment. So we’ll see what happens. I figured you would appreciate that, Eric.

Eric: I do, yeah.

Micah: And we get to see Sirius one more time.

Eric: Yeah, it is meaningful to me, and seeing how quickly… what I didn’t really remember… it’s not just painful for Voldemort, but he pulls right out. He gets away. He’s gone in, like, three seconds after Harry thinks of Sirius, so it’s that strong of a memory, or a love. So I really like that.

Laura: And before we get that moment, I just want to connect another thread here. So before Harry starts thinking of Sirius and ultimately causes Voldemort to just shrivel up and go away, Voldemort is speaking through Harry to Dumbledore and saying, “Kill me. End it.” And this time approximately a year from now, Dumbledore is going to be saying the same thing to Harry in the cave.

Eric: Ah!

Laura: So there’s just a lot of foreshadowing happening here in this chapter that I didn’t necessarily see until I did this reread, unless we talked about this last time and I just forgot. [laughs]

Andrew: It’s possible.

Laura: But it feels like one of those things that you just get something new out of the story every time you read it.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Eric: I like that.

Andrew: That’s the beauty of it.

Laura: And Fudge rounds out this chapter with the classic “He’s back!” moment, although I think… is that a movie-ism?

Andrew: It is.

Eric: It’s a movie-ism.

Laura: I mean, that’s the vibe.

Andrew: [laughs] And the truth.

Eric: Yeah, it’s not just the vibe, but I love how in the movie it feels from Robert Hardy that he says it out loud in spite of himself, and it’s obviously… it works on seven different levels, because it’s funny for the audience to be like, “Haha, he’s talking out loud when he didn’t mean to!” But it’s that shock, because you see the insight into his character that he really actually didn’t believe Voldemort was back. We like to believe the ones that are denying it know he’s back but are secretly pretending they don’t know, but that scene in the movie shows that he really kind of is surprised by it, and it – because he said that out loud – forces his hand to acknowledge it and be like, “Okay,” where in the book he still has a choice to kind of deny it, and he doesn’t. So it’s more succinct in the movie, but I like it.

Micah: It’s the complete opposite of what transpired at the end of Goblet of Fire, where Dumbledore gave him the opportunity to come on board the “Voldemort is back” train, and Fudge decided, “Eh, I’m good.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: “That seems hard.”

Andrew: “I’m good. I’ll pass.”

Laura: Yeah. Well, and yeah, last book Dumbledore was giving all of these orders to the Order, right? Because Fudge was not being cooperative, and now Fudge is bumbling and doesn’t quite know what to do, but also understands that he can’t really do anything to Dumbledore at this point. And Dumbledore, like, really teachers him.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: He pulls a teacher moment on him, and he’s like, “I will give you exactly 30 minutes of my time tonight, but just a second; I gotta get Harry back to school.”

Micah: “Listen, Corny.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: “I’m running the show now.”

Laura: He literally time-boxed the Minister of Magic. Just the vibe or the mood of this person, Dumbledore, who really a lot of people thought should have been the Minister of Magic, being the person that the current Minister leans on through a lot of his insecurities around his readiness for the role.

Eric: Yeah. Well, it’s just now you know the… you’re beginning to sense the level at which you screwed up all year. “Since I’ve been right all along, here’s what we’re going to do about it.” And the only reason Fudge doesn’t push back is because he literally doesn’t know what to do, and is completely incapable of coming up with any independent thought.

Andrew: He’s in shock, too, I guess.

Eric: He needs to be told what to do.


Superlative of the Week


Laura: Well, all right, we’re going to go ahead and get into our MVP of the Week. This is a more classic MVP question: Who was the MVP in the Dumbledore/Voldemort battle? And they are not the only two choices. There were clearly…

Andrew: But I did go with one of those choices.

Laura: Yeah, go for it.

Andrew: I went with Dumbledore. [singing] “Taking care of business, every day!”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Sorry, I’ve got to stick up for my man.

Eric: You could have surprised us, Andrew, and gone with Voldemort, but you didn’t.

Andrew: [laughs] No, I would never betray Dumbledore in that way.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: So you guys have more clever picks.

Eric: Yeah, I’m going to give… look, I think the MVP was actually Bellatrix. She really gets her moment to shine in this moment. Even though what she did to Sirius in the last chapter is unforgivable, gotta give it to her, because she gets her close-up here.

Micah: I decided to go with Fawkes…

Andrew: Good one.

Micah: … because he’s just out here taking AKs every day.

Andrew: Yeah, that’s fair.

Eric: But where did he come from? He’s just here?

Andrew: Well, who brought Fawkes? It was Dumbledore.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Well, does he have a choice?

Eric: No, Fawkes doesn’t even want to be there.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Meanwhile… I really do hope Dumbledore scooped him up before he came back to Hogwarts.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “My little birdie.”

Laura: He’s just a little baby.

Andrew: Yeah, I’m sure he pocketed him and brought him back to school.

Micah: I hope so.

Laura: I went with Dumbledore’s hype gang, the house-elf and the goblin.

Eric: Oh, yeah!

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: You know what it honestly made me think of? And I don’t even know where this connection was made. It made me think of Timmy and Tommy from Animal Crossing

Micah: Oh, yeah. [laughs]

Laura: … and how they would stand there and just clap emphatically.

Andrew: Oh, yeah. “Bella-ella!” The second one always repeats.

[Laura laughs]


Lynx Line


Laura: And now we’re going to get into our Lynx Line. MuggleCast listeners who are members of our community over at Patreon.com/MuggleCast have answered this week’s question: What is your “Max that” moment of this chapter?

Andrew: So Michele said,

“I want to see an updated and even more epic duel between Dumbledore and Voldemort. It is a fantastic scene that hopefully can be made even better.”

Eric: Rachel says,

“I want to see Bellatrix telling Harry that he has to mean it when he tries to Cruciatus Curse. That’s such a big moment for Harry’s character, using one of these awful spells because he’s so angry at her and hurt at the loss of Sirius. I’m also so excited, and nervous, to see who will be cast as Bellatrix. I’d love it to be Maisie Williams.”

Andrew: That’d be cool. Game of Thrones.

Laura: Oooh.

Micah: Is she old enough?

Laura: She might be a bit young.

Eric: Eh, maybe Sophie Turner.

Andrew: Well, what about five years from now?

Micah: Oh, that’s true.

Laura: I think she and Sophie Turner are the same age. Are they not?

Eric: What?!

Andrew: Maisie is 28, so she’s like, low 30s. They can probably… isn’t Maisie Williams kind of short? I feel like they need somebody taller for Bellatrix.

Micah: Just bring back Helena Bonham Carter.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: She’d probably be down for it.

Laura: Honestly, I’ll allow it. She was great.

Micah: And it is important, though, that Bellatrix is the one who says this to Harry, because it’s actually Voldemort in the movie, right? Who tells him he has to mean it.

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Micah: Matthew says, “Harry trying the Unforgivable. And failing! Even with all his rage and pain, it is just. Not. Enough.”

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: Harry is just too pure.

Laura: Roshni says,

“I want to see Neville’s heroism in this chapter. This is a pivotal moment for Neville’s character development! He doesn’t give up, even when he messes up a bit. We need to see the DA training pan out for all of the characters, not just Harry.”

Micah: Amen.

Eric: Actually, that’s a huge call-out, because in a TV show that can devote more time to this, you will see the kids be better at magic at the end than they are at the beginning.

Andrew: Well, and especially with the prophecy, I think we really needed to spend more time with Neville and let people talk about that. Kyle said,

“I want to see the Order, and particularly rest of the Weasley clan, realizing what happened and their response, something I’ve never really seen covered in fanfic with any depth.”

Eric: Carina says, “I would love to see Dumbledore bring the Fountain of Brethren to life.” I agree.

Micah: And finally, Forty says, “This is one of the best chapters in the series, and possibly Dumbledore’s best moment in the series.”

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Damn right!”

Micah: “It would be nice if they captured the power he radiates in the chapter during his interaction with Voldemort and during his single-handed subduing of most of the Death Eaters.”

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Get my good side.”

Micah: “You feel almost none of that in the film.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: “Blastoise! Water beam!”

Andrew: The Lynx Line is a great way to have your voice heard on the show, whether or not you’re listening live. [imitating Dumbledore] “And to talk about me and how great I am.” [back to normal voice] We ask a new question every week, and we invite you to become a member of our community by visiting Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledging for as little as $5 a month. Remember, this is the best time of year to pledge. Become a Slug Club member and you’ll get the new book, plus a 20% discount if you sign up for an annual membership. If you have any feedback about today’s episode, you can email or send a voice memo to MuggleCast@gmail.com. We love hearing y’all, so please keep those Voice Memos coming in. And like I said earlier, we will be off next week because of Labor Day here in the United States, but two weeks from now on MuggleCast, Order of the Phoenix Chapter 37, “The Lost Prophecy.” And I was looking at the chapter art for this next chapter. Damn, does Dumbledore look tired! Oh my God! I didn’t realize that before. That’s all.

Micah: He shouldn’t be; he’s been off the last few months.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: He had to run around the Department of Mysteries, close his rings.

Eric: I think he’s tired because a kid keeps destroying his most precious possessions, and he’s not worried about the possessions, but he’s going to have to go and Reparo all of those.

Andrew: Patreon aside, if you’re looking for other ways to support us, please visit MuggleCastMerch.com to buy official show gear, including limited time Patreon gifts from years past. We would also appreciate if you left us a review in your favorite podcast app, and please do tell a fellow Muggle about the show. Finally, visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all of this information. And if you’re looking for more podcasting from the four of us, listen to our other shows, Millennial and What the Hype?!, for more pop culture and real world talk.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now to wrap up today’s episode, it’s time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question: This chapter, Ron gets up close and personal with a human brain when he catches one in his hands. How much does the human brain weigh on average, in pounds? This was, once again, a multiple choice question. Is the correct answer A) seven pounds, B) five pounds, C) three pounds, or D) one pound? How much does a human brain weigh on average, in pounds? The correct answer was C) three pounds, and 50% of people with the correct answer said that they didn’t look it up. That’s pretty impressive. Correct answers were submitted by A Derivative From the Masses; A Healthy Breeze; Bony Pony Express; Dumbledore lie count; FortyFortyFo; IDon’tGiveaCorneliusOswaldFudge; Justice! You didn’t read my name the last episode! Regards, Scoliosis Centaur; Kayla the Hufflepuff; My Boyfriend’s Name Is Also Harry; Patronus Seeker; QuiddWitch; Salt Air and Dumbledore, Never Needed Anything More; The answer wasn’t seven or twelve? Laura!!; and What do you think of Wednesday S2; and Tofu Tom. Well, for Wednesday S2, stay tuned to What the Hype?!, our other podcast on pop culture. But thanks to all of those folks for submitting, and here is next week’s Quizzitch question: In this chapter, the statues of the Fountain of Magical Brethren spring to life to help save the day, but in the summer of 1985, widespread panic occurred when statues in County Cork, Ireland began to seemingly move on their own! What were they statues of, exactly? Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form located on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch. If you’re already visiting the site – maybe checking out transcripts, or the wall of fame, must listens page – click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: I would also like to remind our listening audience that if you have any feedback, you don’t have to submit it through the name field on the Quizzitch form. You could use the contact form, or the YouTube comments, or the Spotify comments section…

Eric: [laughs] Peace and love!

Andrew: [imitating Ringo Starr] With peace and love, peace and love, you can send feedback that way! [back to normal voice] Sometimes people conflate the two, it seems like.

Eric: That’s it, Andrew; they’re looking for an outlet, and they don’t know about the feedback form or the email address or anything.

Andrew: There is a separate contact form, yeah, believe it or not.

Laura: I think they’re just having fun.

Andrew: I know they are. I’m just playing.

Eric: That’s very fun.

Laura: Don’t yuck their yum.

Andrew: All right. [laughs] Careful what you wish for; now everybody’s going to submit through the Quizzitch form.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Their questions, their deep dive questions.

Eric: [imitating Ringo Starr] It will not be read! Peace and love!

Andrew: And since we are off next week and September 1 is just around the corner, just wanted to say to y’all, enjoy your ride back to Hogwarts.

Micah: Choo-choo.

Andrew: Thanks, everyone, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everyone!

Eric, Laura, and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #717

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #717, You’re A Fool, Harry Potter (OOTP Chapter 35, Beyond the Veil)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter for 20 years and counting. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And we’re your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books and the movies and the upcoming TV show, so make sure you press that follow button in your favorite podcast app, and that way you will never miss an episode. This week, we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 35, “Beyond the Veil,” and helping us with this week’s discussion is MuggleCast Slug Club patron, Shelby. Welcome, Shelby!

Shelby: Thanks. Hi.

Andrew: How are you?

Shelby: I’m doing well. Glad to be here. Thanks.

Andrew: Yeah, we’re excited to have you. And can we get your fandom ID, please?

Shelby: My favorite book is Prisoner of Azkaban. My favorite movie is Half-Blood Prince. My Hogwarts House is Ravenclaw. My Ilvermorny House, I remember, if anyone cares, is Thunderbird.

Eric: I care.

Andrew: Good memory.

Shelby: [laughs] My Patronus is a fox, and my favorite room in the Department of Mysteries has got to be the love room, the romantic in me says.

Andrew, Eric, and Laura: Aww.

Andrew: That’s sweet.

Micah: And we’re so excited to have a fellow Ravenclaw on, at least Laura and I are.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, we’re going to gang up on everyone else.

Eric: Shelby, the interesting thing is that you’re obviously a new listener to MuggleCast, but you happen to have this photo that you shared of yourself with Andrew taken, what, 18 years ago now? This is crazy.

Andrew: Well, not a new… why did you say new listener of MuggleCast?

Eric: I was joking. I was joking.

Andrew: Oh, I was like, “Wait a second. Did I miss something?”

[Andrew and Shelby laugh]

Eric: She’s obviously very, very old school. Sorry, the joke… they’re not all going to land.

Andrew: When Shelby and I met earlier this week, she shared this photo of us in London in 2007, that must have been, right?

Shelby: Yep, it was right after the Order of the Phoenix premiere in London.

Andrew: Ahh, okay. Well, thank you so much for your long-time listenership, and it’s good to see you again, but this time virtually.

Shelby: Yeah, good to see you too.

[Andrew laughs]

Shelby: We’ve grown up a bit.

Andrew: We have, yes, we have. Our styles have changed a little bit. We’ve aged well, I think.

Laura: I don’t know; I feel like y’all both still look like babies. Just a personal opinion.

Andrew: Laura said I look drunk in this photo, so I don’t know what to think now.

Laura: Okay, well, two things can be true.

Eric: No, she asked if you were drunk. There’s a difference.

Andrew: [laughs] “You were a drunk cutie.”

Laura: Yeah, come on now. We all went to the conventions. We know what happened.

Andrew: We did, yes, yes. Over there, the drinking age was lower. It was very exciting.

Eric: You know, if anything, Andrew, you were probably jet-lagged, because this was your first of two trips to London that month.

Andrew: Yes. It was a busy summer, yes, yes. Shelby, you’re on an exciting episode of MuggleCast, because every year we announce a new physical gift for patrons, and Eric has some exciting news about this year’s gift, right?

Eric: We are very excited to announce this year’s physical gift, which we’re giving to our patrons who are pledged at the Slug Club level to MuggleCast on Patreon. This is introducing… drum roll, please… we’ll add it in post…

[Andrew makes a drum roll noise with his mouth]

Eric: Yeah!

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: The MuggleCast 20th anniversary retrospective, a.k.a. the MuggleCast yearbook. This is a book featuring writing by each of the four hosts, telling the story of the podcast across these last 20 years, and featuring tons of colorful images, jam-packed with enough nostalgia to make your eyes water. It has personal reflections, anecdotes, never-before-seen photos because they were just living on my hard drive somewhere, and even a full compendium of British jokes that were ever told on MuggleCast. Fun stuff. We’re just having a lot of fun with this. And it’s called a yearbook, too, because we also styled this like an American high school yearbook in the way the photos are presented. You know how you guys get a yearbook at the end of the year, and you see the track and field team is posing, and there might be writing from the valedictorian, who I guess is Laura…

Andrew: And you write HAGS in it, which is “Have a great summer!”

Eric: Yes! Yeah! Have a great summer. Yes, so that’s the other thing; just like school yearbooks, there’s space in the back to get your book signed by your classmates, who in this case are fellow MuggleCast friends that you find in the wild. And happy to announce the first friends who’ve signed your yearbook are, in fact, us. Micah, Laura, Andrew, and myself have all taken the liberty of signing your yearbook, and we wish you a great rest of your summer, and hope that our lockers are closer together next year. We previewed this book, actually, to patrons earlier this morning, and some of their comments already include “Y’all have truly outdone yourselves this year; this is honestly so cool,” “This is so cute; I’m obsessed,” “I love this idea so much,” “This is an amazing physical gift,” “Well done, MuggleCasters; you’ve knocked this one out of the park,” “I can’t wait for this,” “This is the cutest,” “Wow, what a gift! This is so cool!,” and “Holy crap, this is AMAZING.” So don’t take our word for it; listen to our…

Micah: Were those all the Quizzitch winners for this week?

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: No, no, no…

Andrew: Those were everybody responding to the pictures of Eric in the yearbook, actually.

Eric: You’re not going to want to sleep on your chance to get the MuggleCast retrospective, a.k.a. yearbook. You must pledge to MuggleCast Patreon at the Slug Club level and sign up for the yearbook by September 15, using the sign-up form that will be in a post on Patreon by the time this episode airs. Grab this once-in-a-lifetime piece of MuggleCast history that helps us celebrate the amazing milestone of being on the airwaves for two decades.

Andrew: Yeah, and shout-out to Eric, who’s taken the lead on this project over the last few months, and it’s really come together nicely. We’ve put together, really, a pretty cool cover too. Just every part of this has been really well thought out, and it was really fun writing material for this book. And like you said, we wanted to do something really special for the 20th anniversary, and this is really just a beautiful encapsulation of the last two decades. It’s really a collector’s item. That’s how this feels, a true collector’s item.

Laura: And I will say, I just had so much fun putting together my parts of it, just because it really is a trip down memory lane when you sit down to write about an experience from these past 20 years. And also, looking at some of the preview photos that Eric shared, seeing some of the old photos that I had long since forgotten existed…

Micah: Or didn’t know existed.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Well, there’s one where you and Andrew are unconscious for it, so I don’t think either of you knew it was existing.

Andrew: Yes.

Laura: Well, I had seen that before…

Eric: Oh, okay.

Laura: … but I just forgot that it was a thing, and I saw that and I was like, “Oh. Yeah, that happened.” [laughs]

Eric: “Oh, that’s that!” Yeah.

Laura: Who was it who snapped a picture of us sleeping? Was it you?

Andrew: [imitating Kevin Steck] “It was me, Kevin!”

Micah: Probably.

Laura: [laughs] He wasn’t… oh no, wait. Yeah, he was there.

Andrew: Kevin was there. It was either Kevin or… Eric? Were you there? Yeah, you were there. Or Jamie.

Eric: It was past… I think that the photo came from my phone.

Andrew: Oh.

Eric: Maybe some digital sleuthing could figure it out. But yeah, I mean, it is the most quintessential, I think, photograph of the night that we stayed up reading Deathly Hallows for as long as our bodies could possibly stand, because you guys are passed out on the bed and Deathly Hallows is right next to you, and I don’t think it was posed. I don’t think it was posed.

Andrew: Oh, no, no.

Laura: Yeah, I have no recollection of that whatsoever, so… it’s very cute.

Micah: Well, hats off to our Eric-tor in Chief.

Andrew: Oh, good one. I think that’s the dad joke of the day. Let’s check it off the to-do list.

[Shelby laughs]

Eric: Ah, yeah. You’ve got to give it its flowers. Shelby, what are you excited about about the yearbook?

Shelby: Well, I just can’t wait to see it, and I think the way that you all have been talking about both using historical materials, photos and stuff, but also writing and reflecting now is really cool, and I can’t wait to see how it all comes together.

Micah: I had a blast going through not just all of the great guests we’ve had on the show over the years, but all of the segments that we had done. I forgot about many of them, including Andrew’s Listener Challenge…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: … should he want to bring that back at some point in the future.

Eric: Oooh.

Andrew: Seems like a good one to bring back.

Micah: Dumbledore Norris facts. Do you remember those?

Andrew and Eric: Ohh.

Laura: Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.

Eric: So good. Yeah, really sky’s the limit on this.

Andrew: So like Eric said, you must be a Slug Club patron at Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and fill out the order form by September 15. We will post a couple of reminders between now and then as well. And also, as we’ve been telling everybody, for the whole month of August to celebrate our 20th anniversary, you can get 20% off an annual subscription to our Patreon! This really is the best time to become a member. We’ve never offered this large a discount before, so please take advantage of it. Visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledge today; just use code “20YEARS” at checkout. Our Patreon is why we have made it this far, so thank you, everybody, so much, and thanks to people like Shelby, and Shelby! [laughs]

Micah: And just one other quick bit of news: I wanted to mention for the coffee drinkers out there that do use creamer in their coffee that Coffee Mate has released two new Harry Potter coffee creamers, Toffee Cauldron Cake and Zero Sugar White Chocolate Peppermint Toad, and they were nice enough to send us some for tasting. By us, I mean me. And I have already tried the Toffee Cauldron Cake. It is really good; I highly recommend it. I’m saving the White Chocolate Peppermint Toad for when it gets a little bit colder out.

Eric: Oooh.

Micah: I feel like that’s a little more of a wintry creamer to put in your coffee. But yeah, our friends at Coffee Mate were nice enough to give us a little taste, so I wanted to give them a shout-out on the show and recommend to our listeners, if you drink coffee and you like creamer in your coffee, to give it a go.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: All right, now it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and this week, we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 35, “Beyond the Veil.”

Eric: And we last discussed this chapter on MuggleCast Episode 472, titled “DUBBLEDORE!” for no reason.

[Laura laughs]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 472.

Micah: And I love the physical aspect of Neville during the actual battle that takes place in the veil room. He knows he doesn’t have a wand, but he’s able to pick one up and jam it into a Death Eater’s eye. That’s resourcefulness.

Eric: Yeah, it sure is! [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, that was badass.

Andrew: So painful, eugh.

Eric: He tackles people. He’s tackling everybody he can, and even after having the curse performed on him, too.

Andrew: This is going to happen at a Wizarding World theme park one day. There’s going to be a bad guy there and somebody’s going to stab somebody with a physical wand, and then those wands are going to be banned from the theme parks.

Eric: Oh, those wands will never be banned from the theme parks. They make them too much money.

Andrew: Oh, true. “We don’t care if they’re dangerous.”

Laura: Maybe they’ll create a new ride: Neville’s Eye-Stabbing Department of Mysteries Romp.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: That’d be fun. It’d be like one of those shooter games, shooting carnival games.

Eric: It really brings whole new meaning to the term “interactive wand.”

[Everyone laughs]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Micah: Well, I think that the Order of the Phoenix movie may need to be downgraded just based on the fact that we didn’t get Neville saying, “DUBBLEDORE!” in that fight scene.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: You know what? Honestly, thanks to David Yates for not doing that. You mentioned earlier, Micah, you were saying how we look back on previous episodes before recording, and I was giving Neville the business about being really annoying the last time we talked about this chapter. [laughs]

Micah: Oh no!

Eric: Talking with a busted nose.

Micah: I mean, Neville has a great chapter.

Laura: Yeah, I think it’s actually kind of disappointing that we don’t get to see some of that in the movie.

Eric: Well, I’d agree his actions are heroic, not that they save the person that needs it the most.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Micah: All right, well, the first part of this discussion is going to be all about how “you’re a fool, Harry Potter.” And Harry has been duped, okay? We were alluding to this in our last Chapter by Chapter discussion, but everything starts to come to light here. He is incessantly asking Lucius Malfoy, “Where is Sirius? Where is Sirius? Where is Sirius?,” only to come to the realization that Sirius ain’t here. He is nowhere to be found, and Harry has led all of his friends to their imminent demise.

Andrew: [laughs] Well…

Eric: Oops! Curb Your Enthusiasm theme?

Andrew: Possibly. [hums the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme]

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Well, that’s going through his head.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. I mean, he’s going to carry a lot of regret after this, I think.

Micah: Assuming he gets out alive.

Andrew: Yes.

Micah: One of the other things that I thought was so revealing in this chapter was Harry really starts to feel even worse about himself, because not only does he get duped by Voldemort in being brought to the Ministry, there’s this thing that he doesn’t know anything about, and that is the prophecy.

Eric: Right.

Andrew: It is so weird reading this today, realizing Harry does not know about the prophecy yet. We’re just getting here now.

Eric: He doesn’t know that there is one, he doesn’t know that that would be what this is about…

Andrew: What it is, yeah.

Eric: And who failed to prepare him for this moment, Andrew?

Laura: Oh, here we go.

Andrew: [laughs] Um…

Micah: Ginny.

Eric: Everybody.

Andrew: Ginny, Sirius… I blame Sirius.

Shelby: Dubbledore.

Eric: Oh!

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Dubbledore.

Eric: Dubbledore, yeah. That was it. But no, one thing that does align for me in the first part of this chapter is absolutely Harry’s ‘tude, as in his attitude, because we get this angry kind of talk-backy, sassy Harry. But for the first time in this book’s massive 800 pages, the ‘tude is not directed towards someone innocent, like Hermione or Ron, and is instead directed where it belongs, to the Death Eaters. He flat out tells them, “Did you know Voldemort is half-blood too?” All these little tidbits here and there, and Harry is just vamping. His inclination, his survival instinct, has always been based on vibes; “What should I do next?” But the way in which Harry is able to keep them occupied – when it should be very straightforward and simple, the Death Eaters just need to come grab that thing from him now that he’s got it down from the shelf – he keeps them at bay just by his wit and being who he is, and that’s exciting to actually read.

Micah: Yeah, because he realizes what he holds in his hand is something that they very much desire. So it’s almost like despite the fact that he doesn’t know what it is that he’s holding, he recognizes the value of it, and through that, he is able to really have the upper hand in a lot of these back and forths that he has predominantly with Lucius Malfoy. But Malfoy also is trying to bait him; he says, “Dumbledore never told you that the reason you bear that scar was hidden in the bowels of the Department of Mysteries?” And this is getting to what you were talking about earlier, Eric and Shelby, rightly calling out Dumbledore…

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Huh?”

Micah: … Harry is, once again, informationless in a very compromising situation.

Andrew: Yeah, and that is disappointing. But I will also say that the Death Eaters aren’t exactly prepared either. They’re showing their hand by letting Harry see that they cannot let the prophecy be destroyed, and I consider this a pretty big oversight that they should have planned for. What if one of them was just hiding in the shadows as Harry got closer to them, got to where the prophecy was, then as soon as he picked it up, that’s when you do “Accio prophecy”?

Eric: Right.

Andrew: Before he even knows you all are there and knows he’s been duped.

Shelby: The kids knew nothing about what was about to happen, and still, Lucius and the other Death Eaters are standing aside and doing the classic villain thing of like, “Let me announce what’s about to happen to you, hero.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: “He-he-he.”

Andrew: Spend some time to go, “Ha-ha-ha!”

Shelby: And that gives them time, yeah.

Eric: Too busy monologuing.

Laura: Right.

Shelby: Little bit.

Laura: Well, and I think that’s a great point, Shelby, because what that illustrates to me is that we’re again in a situation where the bad guys are underestimating children, just like Umbridge did a couple of chapters ago.

Eric: Oooh, when will they learn?

Laura: Yeah, they won’t.

Eric: It’s just… what I appreciate, too – and this is a moment less, I think, called upon by me in rereads – is that without speaking at all, just by putting, I think, the heel of his shoe on Hermione’s feet, Harry, while completely keeping Lucius at bay, is able to signal to Hermione that there’s going to be a moment at some point where they’re just going to run, and there’s not anything more than that. Harry steps on her toe, she goes, “What?”, and he can kind of hear their breathing, but in the interim, when Harry is conversing with Lucius, Hermione is somehow, undetected by the nine other Death Eaters in the room, also communicating to the kids, [whispers] “You guys, there’s going to be a moment,” and the fluidity with which everyone scatters at the exact right moment is a credit to this group of kids.

Andrew: Yes.

Eric: This group of kids…

Micah: Well, it’s a credit to Hermione… I mean, Hermione doesn’t do much the rest of the chapter, so it’s nice that she has her moment here.

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Laura: Right.

Micah: Sorry.

Andrew: That struck me, too, though. I was impressed that they could work together like that.

Micah: Nonverbal communication.

Andrew: Yeah!

Eric: It’s good! For a chapter that’s so visceral and physical – there’s a lot of punching and people getting hit, people getting thrown against desks and stuff, stuff that would terrify me – everyone does pretty darn well for the interim period, for when until the Order can show up, and by the time the Order shows up, the Death Eaters are exhausted because they’re chasing these kids all around the Department of Mysteries. So you really get a sense, more than the chapter a few weeks ago where we entered the Department of Mysteries and we started talking about some of the rooms, I also got an appreciation reading this chapter for how it’s a bit like a maze, and how this is actually a pretty cool battlefield to be lost in, or it’s a different environment that is unfamiliar enough to the kids and the adults that it puts these uneven wizards on equal playing field, and it works to their advantage.

Micah: One thing I did want to go back to for a second is there’s a mention during the back and forth between Lucius and Harry about how the Dark Lord wondered why Harry didn’t come sooner, but what if he did? It’s not like the Death Eaters were prepared for Harry to show up any day that he got some random vision from Voldemort, right? It seems highly unlikely.

Eric: It’s a bit of a weird line.

Andrew: Yeah, since Harry doesn’t know this place, why would he be getting there any sooner than he did?

Micah: Well, I think the point from Lucius was that if Dumbledore had told him more about the prophecy, that Harry would have had more of an inclination to show up sooner. But my point is it’s not like they could have been monitoring this room 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and Harry decides he’s going to show up on a random Tuesday.

Andrew: Right, right. And having the Ministry otherwise empty.

Micah: Right.

Eric: That’s it! They got everybody out of here. They couldn’t have done that with a few hours’ notice.

Shelby: And also, if Harry already knew about the prophecy from Dumbledore earlier, would the new information from Voldemort be where the prophecy was? Because otherwise, Harry could have gone looking for the prophecy that was about himself anytime in the last five years, if Dumbledore had mentioned it to him and he was interested, right?

Micah: Well, and the other thing is Dumbledore knows the prophecy.

Eric: Right.

Micah: He doesn’t need to tell Harry, “Hey, you should go check it out in the Hall of Prophecy.” He can repeat it for him.

Andrew: But he doesn’t want to tell Harry the prophecy.

Micah: Of course not. Make his life harder.

Laura: Well, see how that works out.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, because the damage that it does is so much worse. But this would be the year, especially if you get to, like, February of this year, right? And it’s looking very much like Voldemort is trying to make a go for the department. It would seem prudent to tell Harry at that point, “Okay, so this weapon is actually a prophecy; here’s a little bit about it,” and he could show him the whole thing, or just tell him about it, but it would solidify that there’s actually no reason ever for Harry to go there, because it should be pretty obvious, I think, at least to Dumbledore, that the reason Voldemort is trying to entrance Harry to go there is because then “You need to be the one to grab the prophecy off the shelf.”

Micah: Voldemort needs him to do it.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. It’s still unclear. And Harry asks the question why Voldemort himself couldn’t do it, and the other Death Eaters kind of giggle, but that’s, I think, a valid question, because there’s ways to do that stealthily. I mean, he was in Hogwarts stealthily for an entire year. You don’t think he could find a way, fully able-bodied, to get down there and take the prophecy himself? When no one’s guard is up?

Laura: Right. I have a question for the group: Do we remember earlier on in the book…? I think it’s the chapter where Harry and Malfoy get into a fight in Potions; Harry ends up getting detention for it, and Malfoy says to Harry, “Don’t you know? If it were me, I would want to know.” Do we think that Lucius put Draco up to trying to goad Harry, because there hadn’t been much movement, and the Dark Lord was like, “Let’s see if we can rattle his cage a little bit”?

Andrew: That’s a good catch. I would say that’s exactly what’s going on.

Micah: I like that a lot. Maybe not goad him, but I wouldn’t put it past Draco to overhear his father talking about something either, so that could just be Draco being Draco as well.

Eric: And it’s interesting, because what Lucius knows about the prophecy is somehow that it explains why Harry has his scar. So up to a certain point… we know exactly from Book 6, I think, when Snape stopped overhearing the prophecy being made, which he then reported to Voldemort. So we know how much of that prophecy Voldemort knows, but Lucius essentially, in goading Harry here, tells Harry exactly what the prophecy is about. “It’s why he came after you as a baby, and it has to do with why you have the scar.” And so Lucius knows quite a bit, actually, about the prophecy without actually knowing the contents.

Micah: Yeah, there’s a really just great exchange between the two of them, and they’re playing on each other’s insecurities quite well. And Eric, you alluded to this a little bit earlier, but the moment where Harry calls out the fact that Voldemort is, in fact, a half-blood, it’s actually a really great tactic on his part because it’s throwing all of the focus off of him and his friends and back on to the fact that, number one, he said Voldemort’s name, but he’s calling into question his authenticity, right?

Andrew: Yeah, it throws them off-kilter a little bit, the Death Eaters, and it’s probably something they don’t think about too often, or at least not as a group, because my feeling on this is they don’t care that he’s a half-blood so long as he is giving them what they want, and that’s the ability to rule over the wizarding world and to continue to be so hateful and to take down Harry Potter. It doesn’t matter to them; they’re sticking their head in the sand. They’re hypocritical. Shocker.

Shelby: I agree with Andrew, and also think that we see the same thing happen in the real world throughout history and today, right? We see leaders who are hateful, whose followers are hateful, even against the leader’s own family members or own background. I don’t think I need to say more about it than that, but just that we see that happen, and people are willing to turn a blind eye or put their head in the sand if their ultimate goal is, they think, being progressed or advanced.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: That kind of cognitive dissonance is, I think, definitely something we can all relate to real world examples. My thinking here is that Voldemort being a half-blood is probably the worst-kept secret amongst Death Eaters, and probably something that gets whispered about when they think he’s not around and they can’t hear him. But ultimately, I feel like this group of people would just be like, “He’s one of the good ones.”

Eric: Ohh.

Shelby: Yeah, totally.

Laura: Which is also a real life thing that happens.

Micah: Speaking of Patreon earlier, we did a bonus MuggleCast talking about this very topic following Episode 472, so folks can check out more of the discussion there. But I do think that maybe there is no real distinction for the… or maybe there’s almost a… they don’t look at Voldemort and Tom Riddle as being the same person. And Laura, I know you kind of called out the fact that how many of them actually know anything about Tom Riddle? Presumably, maybe from his days at Hogwarts, they’ve heard whispers about him, but they don’t know the story the way that Dumbledore knows the story, the way that Harry ultimately learns the story. And I do think there’s this aspect that Voldemort may have just proven himself so much to be this pure-blood maniac that whatever he did in his prior life, the Death Eaters don’t care about at the end of the day.

Eric: Well, and yet, it’s always powerful to tell the truth in a space like this, surrounded by his fanatics, for Harry to just have the power of knowledge of being… he says a true thing; there’s nothing more great or less great than that. He’s telling them the truth, and they are way too blind to hear it. But it does, I think, make them stop. We’re actually in the presence of Voldemort’s biggest fanatic, Bellatrix Lestrange, and even she takes half a beat to think of any…

Micah: Well, it happens because she calls Harry a filthy half-blood, and he’s like, “Oh, by the way…”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: “By the way!” There’s always value in that. There’s always value in telling the truth.

Laura: Wait, canonically, isn’t Bellatrix pregnant at this point?

Eric: Well, depends on if Cursed Child in your eye is canon.

Laura: Okay, well, let’s assume that it is.

Eric: Ugh.

Laura: Was the author’s intention that Bellatrix was pregnant during all of this? Because she’s probably thinking, “Oh my God, my child is not going to be a pure-blood now.”

Micah: Oopsie.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: It would be around this time, sometime between the Battle of the Department of Mysteries and the skirmish in Malfoy Manor.

Micah: Oh, she’s got time. [laughs]

Andrew: She’s got time. But she’s just getting turned on now, that’s for sure. Things are heating up.

Eric: Oh, and Bellatrix is such a forgiving person. Even though Voldemort is half-blood, she still gets with him.

Micah: But kudos to Harry, because this is a great diversionary tactic on his part to take the attention off of himself and the rest of the DA that are present, and get them ready to start running, like you said, Eric. And we’re going to take a run with them; we’ll be right back to fight some Death Eaters.

Eric: Yeah!

[Ad break]

Micah: All right, we are back, and I think it’s fair to say we want to see this entire chapter, at least what’s left of this chapter, Max’d.

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

Micah: That’s actually what it sounds like when you break a prophecy in the Hall of Prophecies.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: “Aaahhh, you broke a prophecyyy…” Yeah, I mean, I think something that was really exciting reading this is Dumbledore’s Army lessons are paying off here. This is what it was for. This is what they trained for.

Micah: I did want to ask about that, though. Before we really get into the details of the battle itself, what are our thoughts on the sequence of it? Because presumably, a bunch of teenagers would not normally be able to use their juvenile spells to fend off Death Eaters, and the fact that Harry and company can work their way through the Department of Mysteries battle with spells like Stupefy is a little hard to imagine.

Andrew: Do you think maybe the Death Eaters weren’t expecting much from the kids? It was going to be a lot easier?

Micah: I think there was some of that.

Andrew: Yeah, they’d be scared. They’d be ill-equipped. They know that Umbridge has been ruling at Hogwarts for the last term or two, for the last year.

Laura: Right, so they were probably…

Andrew: They thought it’d be easy.

Eric: Oh, it’s a perfect example of how she, while not directly wishing to do their bidding, 100% made it easier for the Death Eaters to take over and kick ass.

Laura: Yeah. I also think that… and I mean, realistically, I agree with you, Micah; would five teenagers using Stupefy and Impedimenta and things like that, would that work super well against some of the most heinous Death Eaters? Probably not, but I take it back to the read that I have, which is that these Death Eaters are just really underestimating these kids. And the Death Eaters are thinking like Death Eaters, so they are assuming the types of attacks that they would need to withstand would be things that these kids would not be capable of, like Killing Curses and Crucio and all of these other things. So I think it catches them off-guard that the kids are mainly doing things to inconvenience them, and there’s definitely some entertainment in that, even though this is a dark chapter.

Micah: For sure. What do you think, Shelby?

Shelby: I think it goes back to what we were talking about earlier, with the nonverbal planning between Harry and Hermione and the rest of them. And the fact that they knocked over all the prophecies as pretty much their first defensive move in the scene I thought was interesting because, like you were saying, Death Eaters think differently and are thinking about magical attacks, and also very violent or Unforgivable attacks, and they started with something that was physical, and they started the kind of slapstick element. Even though it was serious; it wasn’t written humorous, but it was so physical, as we discussed earlier, and the kids kind of started that. They were like, “We’re not going to fancy magic or evil magic; we’re going to throw a bunch of glass balls at you and see what happens.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Right, and it completely puts them on edge to now have to fend off against the battleground, this unusual… we see time and again how the location itself stumps the Death Eaters, whether it’s the doors they can’t get through, or cabinets they’ve accidentally been knocked into. There’s a lot of, I don’t know, booby traps. It makes the Department of Mysteries so dynamic, and there’s no way the kids could have possibly known that. But it’s fun to see how it shakes out. I think I’m less bothered as I read on, because there are these moments where somebody gets a bloody nose or thrown across the room, that make me feel like everyone just survived, really, by the scruffs of their neck. And so I feel like it’s a close call, and I’m not ultimately sad that somebody doesn’t die during this chapter, but it’s close.

Micah: Well, somebody does die in this chapter.

Eric: [quietly] Yeah.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Unfortunately.

Eric: It’s none of the kids, though.

Micah: Oh, yeah, spoiler. Sorry.

Andrew: All things considered, one ain’t too bad.

Eric: I think he’s still alive. I think SiriusBlackIsNotDead.com…

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: Web archive. Look it up.

Micah: It is such a great point, because the Department of Mysteries in and of itself is like an enemy for both. I mean, it presents its own challenges to both the Death Eaters and Dumbledore’s Army, but I would say probably works in favor of Dumbledore’s Army, because the Death Eaters are just so focused on the mission at hand and not necessarily thinking of using what’s in all of these different rooms to their advantage, whereas Dumbledore’s Army actually does do that. Do we think it’s fair to say that the Death Eaters hold back to some extent? I mean, we see the Killing Curse attempted once on page, but it’s actually interrupted because Harry ends up tackling the Death Eater that was presumably going to kill Hermione.

Andrew: I think Voldemort doesn’t want dead kids at the Ministry. And in the case of this Death Eater getting close to killing Hermione, it wouldn’t surprise me if some of these Death Eaters have a hard time restraining themselves and not fully wanting to listen to an order like that from Voldemort to not kill any kids. Because the Ministry still isn’t convinced, for a little while longer, that Voldemort is back. They’re sticking their head in the sand, and Voldemort doesn’t want to give them a good reason to come out and proclaim that he’s back.

Laura: Yeah. Or at the very least, he doesn’t want the questions to come up. I agree with you.

Andrew: See, Voldemort is a good guy. He doesn’t want to kill children.

Micah: He cares for the kids.

Andrew: Yeah!

Eric: Well, and can you imagine the coverup, though? Because even if they lied about how the kids died, what were the kids not doing at Hogwarts? Even just having these kids be there in that moment, in order to cover that up, they would have to take them to Hogwarts and make up a… like, “There was a rabid giant in the forest that killed them all!” Which, to be fair, actually is totally a thing that they could blame on killing the kids. But no, it’s just so inconvenient, to your point, Micah. It’s a tough situation, but I think the Death Eaters are all willing to kill Harry’s friends, especially if they need to, especially if they get in their way. But at the end of the day, they’re just there to retrieve a little sphere, a little glass sphere. I think all of the Death Eaters collectively are like, “How hard could this be?” And I just… you’ve got to love… obviously, we see Lucius get punished in a number of ways, including at the beginning of the next book with Voldemort’s plan for Draco. But ultimately, Voldemort having to learn that not only did Lucius fumble this whole task that he was given, but that it went on for so long, and ended… they chased through every room of the Department of Mysteries and then still lost it is just extra icing on the cake of… Lucius is just bad at his job at this point, right?

Micah: Yes, and going on for so long, not just in this particular moment, but for months with Podmore, with… why am I blanking on…?

Eric: Bode?

Micah: Bode, yeah. So there’s been multiple attempts to do this. And yeah, look, I mean, Lucius does say at one point; he’s like, “Kill the rest of them, but make sure that Potter survives.” So they do enter this “Enough of this garbage” mode already, right? I think it’s Dolohov attacks Hermione, right? In a way where we’re not sure whether or not she’s going to survive. When I was reading that for the first time, I didn’t know whether or not she was just offed in Order of the Phoenix. So it does start to get a lot more real. We do see a lot more… I know you said broken noses, but the DA really does start to get roughed up here, to the point where pretty much everybody with the exception of… Harry and Neville are left standing, and I did want to talk a little bit about that, because I do think there is symbolism in the fact that it’s Harry and Neville that are left standing in the veil room against all of the Death Eaters. But we do see the DA members in battle for the first time, and I’m curious, how do we think their performances maybe reflect some of the strengths or weaknesses that we’ve seen throughout this year? Any thoughts on any of the members of the DA?

Andrew: Well, first and foremost, I just have to give them credit for the courage to fight. I don’t think that would be easy to do. I’m not sure I would be willing to participate, go into this unknown location and fight these unknown people. To the point about Harry and Neville being the last ones standing of the army, I think definitely that the choice of those two standing last was very intentional. Maybe you could argue somewhere deep down within them the prophecy kind of really motivated them. I mean, Neville was fired up, ready to go, and he had other reasons, but I like to think that there was some special connection there with the prophecy.

Laura: I think so, because the prophecy could have been about either one of them.

Andrew: Right.

Shelby: Yeah, I agree with Andrew and Laura that having Neville there, it was like, who was the prophecy really about? One thing that came to mind for me – sort of about this whole book, but in this scene in particular – is I teach middle school, so kids who are just a little bit younger than this crew is in this moment, and I feel like I see this… luckily, not these big battle scenes against a Dark wizard, but I see Nevilles in middle school…

Andrew: Aww.

Shelby: … who are kids whose school and skills are not coming as easily to them, but at around this time, 13/14/15, some kids are like, “Well, I’m just not good at whatever chosen field; I’m going to do something different than some kids.” The ones who are like Neville are like, “I’ve got to do this, and I’ve got to work hard at it.”

Eric: Oh!

Laura: I love that.

Shelby: I think that we really see that, I think, starting in Goblet of Fire, but especially starting in Dumbledore’s Army, him being like, “I see myself as having weaknesses compared to my peers, and I’m going to have to work extra hard, because I’m not going to let that prevent me from doing what needs to get done, and being a part of this war and being successful myself.” So I just feel like that felt very powerful to me, and that then it really paid off in the scene, that he was able to perform so well under high pressure. And of course, there’s so many other things going on with Bellatrix being there and everything, but that’s kind of what I was thinking about when I was reading Neville in this go-round.

Eric: I love that so much.

Andrew: That’s really cool. Thanks for sharing that.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, Neville is really… to me, he really takes the most hits in this chapter, and the fact that he’s still…

Eric: Loses his wand.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, not only that, he’s the only one that’s left standing besides Harry, which we talked about, but he refuses to leave when Harry gives him the direction to leave, and that’s really where you see the Gryffindor in him shine through. As you mentioned, he does end up losing his wand, so he has nothing… this goes back to the clip you were playing earlier, right? But he’s got a broken nose. He’s had an Unforgivable Curse performed on him. Let’s not forget earlier in this chapter, Bellatrix is like, “Oh, another Longbottom for me to torture into insanity.”

Eric: Oh, God.

Micah: And she says, “Yeah, that’s only a taste.” So he really… it reminds me of when I used to watch WWE back in the day, like going through a full-blown steel cage match, and at the very end, Neville is still standing despite everything that he’s been through.

Eric: Well, he’s certainly also had an annoyingness jinx put on him, because I can’t stand reading all of his exclamations as he’s running around. He’s missing spells, but his heart is in it. His heart is in it.

Micah: Well, I mean, I don’t blame him.

Laura: He’s a ride or die.

Micah: He can’t even walk at this point because of the curse being put on him.

Eric: No, I’m not trying to suggest I would do any better in this situation. Actually, what impresses me is exactly what you said, Micah, that he sticks around, and also that he’s not precious about his wand at all. It’s his father’s wand, so in a way… we’ll have to go back and see what Frank Longbottom… what spells Neville cast at who, what Death Eaters got hit by Frank Longbottom’s wand tonight before it was destroyed. That would be kind of a neat little sleuth read to do. But ultimately, there’s so much stake put in this chapter of the people here killed these kids’ family members, not just the torture to the point of insanity Frank and Alice Longbottom, but the guy who killed the Prewetts is here. That is Ron’s uncles. And that was said… I think that’s Dolohov, and it’s said that he’s here. So they’re actually face to face with not just henchmen; they’re face to face with people that tangibly have altered the course of these kids’ lives. And it’s a bit… I think it’s understated, because there’s so much chaos, but yeah, it’s pretty impressive.

Micah: For sure. And the rest of the crew have kind of been taken out. As we’ve mentioned, Hermione is out for most of this battle sequence, and it’s also worth mentioning, it’s her, Harry, and Neville who are together, and then it’s Ginny, Ron, and Luna. And Luna gets knocked out at one point; Ginny gets knocked out at one point. Ron, kind of in Ron fashion, takes himself out of the equation. [laughs]

Eric: I hope he’s okay, by the way. Neville is like, “I think he’s all right. He was still fumbling with the brain thing in the other room when I last saw him.” And I’m like, he’s probably dead, if you see how aggressively that thing was… Ron was in no place to defend himself against that, and Neville did not see him escape from it.

Micah: Well, as luck would have it, the Order do show up to save the day.

Eric: But not…

Micah: Well, no, Sirius shows up, just nobody saved the day for him.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Dumbledore was a step too late, as always. Do we think it’s fair to say that the level of battle elevates once the Order shows up? This goes from “Maybe you have a nasty curse thrown here or there,” to “Shit’s on right now.” [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, because it’s adults fighting adults, and the adults on the good side are pissed that the Death Eaters have been fighting these children, and they want to get this done, and they’re mad about the fast one that Voldemort pulled on Harry. They’re mad about a lot of things, so there’s just a ton of tension in the air.

Eric: And I’m sure they’ve all in their own way – maybe not as much as Sirius – but I’m sure they’ve all been pent up, all been waiting for a confrontation like this, and here, all of a sudden, it is. They don’t have the upper hand in that Voldemort dictated the day that it would occur, the place where it would occur, and they’re already behind timing-wise, but they also have the upper hand because they still have their energy. Like I said earlier, the Death Eaters are all worn out at this point, and the way it’s described when they burst through the door, Tonks just starts raining spells down. The Death Eaters are essentially sitting ducks. They’re in the open area around the veil with all these steps; it’s really easy for people above to be looking down casting spells than it is for the people down below to get out of the way. So it’s really nice, cool staging, honestly.

Micah: Definitely. Yeah, it gets real. I mean, I couldn’t tell, when Mad-Eye’s eye was just kind of rolling around, was that…? Is that like a tactic he uses?

Eric: Oh my God!

Micah: Or was he just knocked out somewhere?

Eric: Could you imagine him just taking it out of his eye socket, giving it a little kiss, and going, “Show me everything,” and rolls it? And then it…

Andrew: It seems silly for Mad-Eye to lose control of his eye like that. He’s a tough guy. He’s a fighter. For him to lose control of his eye is surprising.

Laura: Well, doesn’t it…? Wasn’t he unconscious, and didn’t it say his head was bleeding? I don’t…

Micah: Oh, maybe that. I missed that. One of the great moments that we’re really not given in the Order of the Phoenix movie is this entrance by Dumbledore. Of course, we see him arrive at the atrium to face Voldemort, but the fact that he was a part of this particular battle… it’s very cool to see all of these Death Eaters trying to scramble away like little rats, because they want absolutely nothing to do with Dumbledore.

Eric: Yeah, and he’s plucking them up.

Andrew: And it leads up to the next chapter, titled “The Only One He Ever Feared.” It’s a nice little appetizer. But I do like how the movie did it, because it is cool to just see Voldemort and Dumbledore basically one-on-one. It kind of builds up the anticipation more. That said, I would like to see what happens in the book Max’d, to see Dumbledore fighting alongside everybody else.

Laura: Yeah. I don’t need a Pokémon battle.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I will say, I’m really hoping that we get a different interpretation of the veil scene. I know that’s at the very end of the chapter, but I just found the movie version to be too smooth, too sanitized. It was just like, “Oh, he’s just floating away,” and it’s like, that’s not really what happens. He literally slips the mortal coil in front of everyone, and it’s supposed to feel very jarring, and you don’t get that in the movie, I don’t think.

Shelby: I just remember when the series was first coming out and reading this book, and there was lots of talk after each book came out of who had died, and were they really dead, and stuff like this. And I was someone who was very convinced that Sirius was still alive because there hadn’t been a Killing Curse, and because we didn’t know about the veil in the same way that we knew about the way other people had died, other characters. And I felt like seeing the Killing Curse in the scene in the movie, I was like… that totally changed for a movie-only viewer, like, “Okay, he just got shot by a evil villain; that’s all that really happened,” as opposed to this very question mark moment, which Lupin and others talk with Harry about and try to help him understand that Sirius isn’t coming back. But that felt like a very open question to me, just because it was the Department of Mysteries. It was a mystery what would happen. Who knows if he was dead?

Eric: That’s a great point.

Shelby: So I don’t know.

Andrew: And that is one of the nice things about the entire series, is there are… she did leave room to speculate. She did leave doors open. So that would have been a nice thing to include in the movie. But unfortunately, I think sometimes with filmmaking – not that I’m a filmmaker – but they’ve got to dumb stuff down for the audience, because people are stupid and they really need it spelled out for them. It’s like when a character in a movie says, “What do you mean?” to the other character so then the other character can spell it out for the audience.

Shelby: “He’s really dead!” they said.

Andrew: [laughs] Right.

Micah: I would just add, too, if you want to dismiss the recklessness of physically where Sirius is in the room and not having the awareness, I think more of the recklessness you could argue came from the fact that he was goading Bellatrix. He says to her, “That’s all you got?” And this woman is deranged. Do you really want to be challenging her? And I mean, honestly, Sirius is kind of out of practice.

Andrew: Yeah, that’s true. But he’s got a chip on his shoulder. He wants to fight like it’s the good old days. And I will give the movie a plus one for when Sirius says, “Nice one, James!” That’s not in the book.

Micah: No. No, it’s not.

Andrew: In the book, it’s just “Nice one.” I thought that was a really clever little addition.

Eric: I think Sirius can tell the difference between Harry and James.

Andrew: Oh, I know he can tell the difference between the two, but I think in the moment when they’re fighting and Sirius is just… it’s bringing him back to his glory days, and I think he just instinctively says, “Nice one, James.” Not that he confused the two.

Eric: Well, that’s, I think, what people would tend to point to… if you’re in the business of oversimplification, which the movies are, the line makes sense as “Nice one, James.” But I liked reading this chapter, reading him go “Nice one” to Harry, because it’s the first thing they say to each other in person in months, and it feels satisfying. It feels like a part one to an eventual part two, where they’re going to be at Grimmauld place, around a fireplace, able to recount their victories in just a few short hours, but it doesn’t happen.

Micah: Yeah, if he’s a portrait.

Eric: Aww.

Micah: But I did want to call out what Becky said in the Discord: “Maybe Bellatrix’s spell made Sirius move slower.” Perhaps she used something like Impedimenta.

Laura: Maybe.

Andrew: She wants to witness a slow death.

Eric: I also think there’s got to be some level of flowers to give to Sirius, not just because of his funeral, but because of holding his own against a deranged killer for probably five or ten minutes? Like, come on. That ain’t easy, right? So he does eventually… she gets the better of him, but the reason he’s goading her is because he’s had enough success to have the freedom to go to her. So he’s doing all right at first, until he’s not.

Andrew: Can I move into this odd and end?

Micah: Yeah, the last thing I just wanted to say about this scene is that it establishes Bellatrix as one of the big bads in the series moving forward.

Eric: Yeah, that it does.


Odds & Ends


Andrew: So a couple of odds and ends. When an unnamed Death Eater’s head turns into a baby, Harry is about to cast a spell on the Death Eater, but Hermione stops him and says, “You can’t hurt a baby!”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: This is giving baby Hitler argument to me. “You can’t hurt a baby.” No, that’s an adult Death Eater that brought themselves there. They can be hit or killed. I have no sympathy for baby-headed Death Eater.

Laura: I don’t either, but I actually think it’s smart to keep him on the board, because you just avoid him, right? He’s not really dangerous to anyone at this point; he’s just Frankensteining his way around. So if anything, he’s making things harder on the other Death Eaters.

Andrew: But it’s good target practice for the kids, because if they hit the head – and it’s a small head – that’s pretty impressive. If it was a full-size head, that’d be too easy.

Eric: I think it’s the kind of question… it’s not a question of whether the Death Eater made all the wrong choices, but I think the question is, if you hold up your wand and actually go to attempt a spell that would severely harm this thing, could you? Could you physically? Because looking at a baby face, could you cast the spell? And probably not.

[Andrew gasps]

Eric: You can’t hurt a baby. Doesn’t mean you’re not capable, but when it really came down to it, would you?

Micah: I’m with Andrew on this one.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: It’s fun to think about.

Micah: But Laura makes an excellent point, though, in terms of it causes more chaos, which I think only works towards Dumbledore’s Army advantage in this particular case. Well, one thing we didn’t mention is that the prophecy gets destroyed…

Andrew: Oh!

Micah: … so Lucius is going to be a whole lot of hot water when he gets home to mommy Voldy. But we do hear at least one prophecy.

Andrew: [Trelawney voice] “At the solstice will come a new…” [back to normal voice] And then there’s a second one… [Trelawney voice] “… and none will come after.” [back to normal voice] So we don’t… it’d be cool if this was just one prophecy, but it is two separate ones, it seems, so we can’t really analyze this too much.

Micah: It is.

Andrew: Does anybody have any fun guesses what one or the other…?

Micah: I think there were a lot of theories about this back in the day.

Laura: Yeah, there were.

Andrew: No, but… okay. I mean, “At the solstice will come a new…” summer solstice, winter solstice…

Micah: Summer solstice, new book.

[Andrew and Shelby laugh]

Eric: Yeah, it sounds very run of the mill. How do you measure time? And it’s the rotations of the Earth. It feels very archaic, like, “Oh, at the solstice… when the sun meets this and that point in the sky and…”

Micah: I think people thought that’s when the final book was going to come out, because “none will come after”?

Eric: Oh, that’s fun.

Andrew and Laura: Ohh.

Andrew: Well, and it did come out on the summer solstice.

Micah: Did it really?

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: It was June 21.

Micah: There you go.

Andrew: Is that right?

Laura: No, July.

Andrew: July 21.

Micah: Oh, July.

Laura: It was Harry’s birthday month.

Eric: I mean, we still had to get through Book 6 first after this, but yeah, eventually.

Andrew: Wait, wait, wait. July 21, but the solstice is in June. It’s June 21.

Laura: Oh. Well, never mind.

Andrew: Damn it.

Micah: We tried.

Andrew: I blame her publishers. Maybe she wanted to…

Eric: This reminds me of when we did the predictions of Tycho Dodonus or whatever for… I think it was either a bonus or on an old MuggleCast, where we were just like, “Let’s get crazy with prophecy.”

Andrew: Yeah. But the Order of the Phoenix book came out June 21, which was the summer solstice, so there you go.

Eric: That was the solstice.

Andrew: There, we found the connection.

Micah: But these prophecies are unrelated, so we shouldn’t be trying to pair them together.

Shelby: But more books came after.

Andrew: But it was two separate prophecies.

Micah: Anyway. [laughs] That wraps up our discussion of Chapter 35.


Superlative of the Week


Micah: Now for some MVP action. I wanted to know, if you were able to give Dumbledore some entrance music to the Department of Mysteries – that cold, hard stare he had on his face – what would it be?

Andrew: “Abracadabra” by Lady Gaga. It’s magical. There’s a line “death or love tonight.” [singing] “Abracadabra, Abracadabra… feel the beat under your feet…” Dumbledore is dancing in. And Gaga is pretty dark in it, so that’s my choice.

Micah: Have you seen the Wednesday version of that? The performance?

Andrew: I have not, no.

Micah: I’m going to send it to you. I feel like you’ll really like it. Do you watch Wednesday?

Andrew: I do not.

Micah: You should.

Andrew: All right.

Micah: But anyway, that’s a story for another time. Eric, what about you?

Eric: I’m going to give it classic entrance music. “California Love,” Tupac featuring Dr. Dre.

Micah: [laughs] Okay.

Eric: For some reason, just the [beatboxes] as he’s coming down…

Micah: It’s so sad we can’t play music anymore.

Andrew: Dumbledore’s car bouncing up and down.

Eric: Yes! Dumbledore’s car is out back. Yes, Andrew, just that. You get it.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I love it.

Laura: I went with “Toxic” by Britney Spears. Little bit of a throwback. It’s just… I don’t know; I feel like I could see John Lithgow Dumbledore waltzing into the Department of Mysteries, ready to kick some butt to this. And he is a little toxic, so it fits.

Micah: Shelby?

Shelby: I definitely pictured… because Harry is whispering to himself, “We’re saved,” so I was definitely imagining Harry singing “Holding Out for a Hero,” à la the Fairy Godmother in Shrek 2.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: I was going to say, this is very much Shrek 2 right now. [laughs] “Where have all the good men gone?”

Micah: And I know I made a wrestling reference earlier, but I just think of… if anybody here on the panel has heard Stone Cold Steve Austin’s entrance music in WWE, it’s just a bunch of shattered glass, but it’s just the way he comes out when that music hits. He’s just trash talking, smashing beers together, ready to kick some ass, and that’s what I see Dumbledore doing in this moment.

Andrew: Love it.

Micah: Are you watching it, Andrew?

Andrew: No, I’m not watching it.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: The song… I think his intro theme is “Hell Frozen Over”?

Micah: Yeah, I don’t know what the real name of it is. People in the Discord will know.

Eric: Apparently it’s inspired by the classic song “Bulls on Parade” by Rage Against the Machine.

Micah: Is it now?

Eric: Yeah, good stuff.


Lynx Line


Micah: And then over on our Lynx Line, we asked our patrons the question of the week, which is which Death Eater would they most like to team up with for this battle? Switch things up a little bit. And reminder for those Death Eaters, at least that we get by name: Obviously we have Malfoy, but Nott, Jugson, Bellatrix, Rodolphus, Rabaston, Crabbe, Dolohov, Macnair, Avery, Rookwood, and Mulciber. So there’s quite a few to choose from, and our patrons, as always, did not disappoint.

Andrew: Yeah, they put on their Death Eater masks and answered this one. “Nott, Theodore Nott, because fanfic has led me to believe he doesn’t agree with his father.”

Laura: Fair enough.

Eric: Ning Xi says,

“Tagging along with Bellatrix because she is way too eager to prove herself, so I’m just going to let her do her thing, and I can appear to also have helped. Yes, I am lazy like that.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Classic.

Micah: Michelle (TheOtherMinister) said,

“Lucius Malfoy. It would be my great pleasure to wipe the smirk off of his cowardly, simpering face, and then knock him right on his back. He would never even see it coming.”

Andrew: Whoa!

Micah: So we have a lot of patrons here who are acting as double agents.

Andrew: Wanting to screw with them. Yeah, wow. How Snape of them.

Laura: Love it. Laura says,

“The one who falls into that little glass time machine thingy and ends up with a baby head. I would just bring him along and have him smash the place up and confuse my enemies, so I can secretly strike them all while hiding behind babyhead.”

Andrew: [laughs] Babyhead.

Shelby: Tony says, “Bellatrix, because she needs a friend, and she is a take-no-prisoners kind of person.”

Andrew: That’s thoughtful. Anne-Marie said,

“I like the idea of tagging along with Bellatrix, because she would be so productive that it would make it look like I did something too. But I think I would actually tag along with Lucius Malfoy because Moldy Voldy would be so focused on his failure that he would overlook my lack of action.”

[Eric and Shelby laugh]

Andrew: Wow, some of our listeners are lazy too. That’s what I’m getting from these.

Laura: Hey, work smarter, not harder.

Eric: That’s the Slytherin motto.

Laura: That’s the lesson.

Andrew: Not even sure they’re working to begin with, but okay.

Eric: Rachel says,

“Rookwood. He used to work there, and can maybe answer all my questions. I’d be so annoying with how many I ask that he’d storm off, giving the Order one less opponent.”

I love that creative solution to problem-solving there, Rachel.

Micah: Parth says,

“Dolohov is my go-to. The man took down Lupin and Tonks in quick succession, and he nearly finished off Hermione with a nonverbal curse while wandless earlier in the book. That’s talent. He’s ruthless, dangerous, and doesn’t waste time with theatrics. In the chaos of battle, Dolohov is the guy who gets things done – fast and vicious. I’d stick close to him and let the bodies hit the floor. (Stepping into the dark side.)”

Andrew: [laughs] Wow.

Micah: That’s another good song we could have played for Dumbledore.

Eric: There’s a song, yeah.

Laura: Eleanor says,

“I’m teaming up with Bellatrix because I want to be alongside her (preferably slightly behind her), rather than in any danger of her wild spells going awry and hitting me!”

Shelby: And Robbie says,

“Macnair, because even if I was a baddie, I wouldn’t tolerate animal cruelty and would take pleasure in helping him ‘get lost’ in the Department of Mysteries.”

Andrew: Nice. Well reasoned, y’all.

Eric: Yeah, love that.

Andrew: The Lynx Line is a great way to have your voice heard on the show, whether or not you’re listening live; that’s why we have this benefit. We ask a new question every week, and we invite you to participate by becoming a member of our community at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. If you have feedback about today’s episode, you can email or send a voice memo to MuggleCast@gmail.com. And next week on the pod, we’ll be discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 36, “The Only One He Ever Feared,” because Dumbledore is the best. Don’t forget that now through the end of August, you can get 20% off an annual membership to our Patreon by using code “20YEARS” at checkout, and by becoming a member, you’ll also get the MuggleCast 20th anniversary yearbook if you pledge at the Slug Club level. You’ll have to fill out the form by September 15, and you can check out a preview on our Patreon as well. This is truly the best time of year to help us out. If you’re looking for other ways to support us, you can visit MuggleCastMerch.com to buy official show gear. You can also leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, and please tell a friend about the show. You can visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all of this information, including our contact form and lots more. And if you’re looking for more podcasting from the four of us, listen to our other shows, Millennial and What the Hype?!, for more pop culture and real world talk.


Quizzitch


Andrew: Now it’s time for Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question was: When entering the Department of Mysteries, Harry and friends first encounter a room with many unmarked doors. Similarly, the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose, California, USA has over 2,000 doors in its mansion, which contains 160 rooms. How many windows are present in the Winchester Mystery House? was our question that we asked. Was it A) 2,001 window panes, B) 10,000 window panes, C) 665, or D) 4,000? The correct answer was B) 10,000. So 2,000 doors, 10,000 windows in the Winchester Mystery House. 40% of people with the correct answer say they didn’t look it up, and this week’s winners were 142 staircases; A Healthy Breeze; Bort Voldemort; Elizabeth K.; HallowWolf; IDon’tGiveaCorneliusOswaldFudge; It’s a mystery where, but it’s just a little old place where we can get together to admire the love cats; I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me, Micah; Justice and Good Luck wishes to the snifflers that attacked Umbridge’s office; Laura Have You Watched The Umbrella Academy Yet?; Listener who is shy of three times the age of MuggleCast; Lord Voldemort Banana Hammock; Lynn the Allomancer; Pygmy Puff Power; and Stacking Galleons Like Winchester Stacks Windows. I love now that listeners, via the Quizzitch form, are heckling Laura on her binge-watching. That’s kind of new.

Laura: I didn’t take this as a heckle.

Eric: Oh.

Laura: It just seems like they’re curious.

Eric: Well, have you?

Laura: No, I haven’t. I know this is a show that seems like it would be very up my alley, but no, I haven’t. I will.

Eric: Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: In this chapter, Ron gets up close and personal with a human brain when he catches one in his hands. How much does the human brain weigh, on average, in pounds? Is Ron going to get swole for this? What’s going on? Here’s another multiple choice question: Is the human brain’s average weight in pounds A) seven pounds, B) five pounds, C) three pounds, or D) one pound? And submit your correct answers to us on the MuggleCast website on the Quizzitch form that’s there, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or click on “Quizzitch” if you’re on our website via the main nav.

Andrew: Shelby, it was great having you on the show. Thank you so much for joining us.

Shelby: Yeah, thanks for having me. It was fun.

Andrew: Yeah, appreciate your support. You’re in the Discord, too, right?

Shelby: Mhm.

Andrew: Yeah, okay. It’s always fascinating when a member of the Discord comes into our studio. It’s like, “Oh my gosh, we’re getting live Discord action right now.” It’s beautiful.

[Shelby laughs]

Andrew: Well, thank you for your support and for all your contributions today; we really appreciate it. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Shelby: And I’m Shelby.

Andrew: Bye, everyone.

Eric, Laura, and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #716

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #716, Celebrating 20 Years of MuggleCast, and Predicting the Future


Show Intro


Jim Dale: Hello, this is Professor McGonagall, welcoming you to MuggleCast, hoping you enjoyed… Dobby, Dobby, come here. Here, Dobby! Yes, well, I’d just like to say how very pleased I am to introduce MuggleCast to all of you! Thank you! Thank you!

[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter for 20 years and counting. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: We’re your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books, the movies, the upcoming TV show, so make sure you press that follow button in your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode with your Potter people. And yes, this is our 20th anniversary episode. MuggleCast actually launched on August 7, 2005. We’re actually recording on August 7, 2025, coincidentally.

Laura: Wow.

Eric: Amazing how we planned this out to be just perfect like that.

Andrew: Time is a flat circle.

Laura: Yeah, this has been on our editorial calendar for two years, right? We definitely…

Eric: Honestly, I’m relieved to finally get to push it off. Let’s move on now. Gosh.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: It’s like magic, one would say.

Andrew: It’s like magic, yeah! A question we get asked all the time… or at least I do when I tell people I do a Harry Potter podcast, and maybe they know the books and the movies, but they’re not fans, real fans, diehard fans. They always ask…

Micah: “Fans.” I like how you said that.

Eric: “Fans.”

Andrew: They always ask, “What do you guys still talk about? How has this show worked for so long, run for so long? 716 episodes? What?!” What would you three say to somebody who asked that question? I don’t know if you get that question.

Eric: That it’s such a good question, and I think that this is going to be our last episode.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Because now that we’ve discovered, thanks to this person pointing it out…

Andrew: Eric is like, “This is our last episode. We are finally ready to move on from 20 years.”

Laura: What I think of when someone asks me about that is just the fact that I think Harry Potter comes really naturally to this group of people, and we know it so intimately. I mean, we really are Harry Potter encyclopedias here, so I think it’s very easy for us to continue finding new meaning as we’re getting older and we’re having our own life experiences and seeing some very direct threads to real world events. So we’re really able to empathize on the basis of having grown up with these books, and I think it just puts us in a better position as adults to be able to speak to that impact.

Micah: I really like what Lydia said in the Discord, that they should tune in and find out if they really want to know what it is that we’re talking about.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: That’s such a… drop the business card, Andrew, next time; just have people find us.

Micah: For me, I’ll jokingly say, “Well, I ask myself that question all the time: What are we still talking about?” But I really like, too, what you said, Laura, because I think that we’ve found new and different ways over the years to be able to reimagine the discussion. And even now, when we’re going through the books chapter by chapter, we’re not doing it in exactly the same way; we’re not doing it through the same lens. We’re all a little bit older. We’ve had more experiences even from five years ago, the last time we did Order of the Phoenix; the world has changed a lot, so I think we can bring a differing perspective in. And I think the thing that has made this so enjoyable for as long as we’ve done it is just it’s a discussion amongst friends, and that’s the feedback that we get most often from listeners, is it’s like listening to your friends talk about something that you love, and that’s what we do here.

Eric: Laura, I like what you said, too, about us getting into the rhythm. I think we’ve gone and done it and formed the habit of talking about Harry Potter, and that’s just going to be impossible to quit. That’s just not going to be…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Now that we’ve finally formed the habit… it took about several hundred episodes, but now we’ve got it, so we’ve just got to keep going.

Andrew: Yeah, I always tell people the rapport. We’ve got a good rapport together at this point. We know how to work together; we know how to discuss the books together. When you do it for this long, it starts becoming… secondhand? Is that the right phrase?

Eric and Laura: Second nature.

Andrew: It becomes second nature. It’s just very easy for us to bounce off each other.

Eric: People have passed us down.

Andrew: Yeah, right, right. [laughs] We get passed down.

Eric: We get passed down. We’re secondhand now at this point.

Andrew: Yeah, we kind of are.

Laura: Oh no.

Eric: I mean, we’ve had listeners share us with their kids. That’s kind of secondhand.

Laura: Isn’t that cool?

Eric: Oh, it’s amazing.

Laura: I love that.

Eric: I still want to do one day MuggleCast Junior with all of our kids or something; that’s a fun idea. But no, honestly, though, joking aside, when I get asked this question, I really do say the reason the podcast is still around, and what do you really talk about, well, it’s been because of a passionate listener base.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: That people are supporting us on Patreon, they have really determined in no small way these last nine years we’ve had a Patreon – that’s half our show’s history – they’ve really determined and shaped the course of the show, because they showed us that we were still wanted on the airwaves.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And thank you to everybody who has listened to us over the last 20 years. Whether you just started 20 minutes ago or you started 20 years ago, we really appreciate your listenership. And I always say this in the videos I record for our patrons: It means the world to us to have support from listeners.

Laura: It really does.

Andrew: And I mean it! So we will be looking backwards and forwards today to celebrate 20 years of MuggleCast, and there is actually some news in the world of Harry Potter that we’ll be discussing in a couple of minutes, but first, we want to remind you that we have a special deal running right now on our Patreon. To celebrate our 20th, for the whole month of August, you get 20% off an annual subscription. We have never offered this large of a discount before, but this large of an anniversary definitely calls for a very special deal, so visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledge right now. Just sign up for an annual membership and use code “20YEARS” at checkout. Our Patreon is the reason why we have made it this far, why we are still a weekly podcast, why we are able to dedicate time to the show, so thank you so much for your support. And last week, we told you about the stickers you can get when you become a member, and next week, we will be announcing another physical gift that we are offering you this year.

Laura: Oooh.

Andrew: You will get two physical gifts by pledging right now! So this is the best time of year to become a member. Don’t delay.

Eric: It’s going to be real good, you guys. I really want to tease it, but it’s just… it’s going to blow your socks. And it’s a fitting gift to be doing this year in particular, so it’s going to be great.

Andrew: Absolutely.


News


Andrew: Let’s get into some news, and this is one reason why we’re still able to podcast about Harry Potter 20 years later, because the Harry Potter fandom and franchise is very much alive and well. Audible’s Harry Potter full-cast audiobook series has unveiled the premiere date and the cast members. Hugh Laurie is going to play Dumbledore, Matthew Macfadyen is going to play Voldemort, Riz Ahmed is going to play Snape, and Michelle Gomez will play McGonagall. And they also announced the trio; Arabella Stanton, who is playing Hermione in the TV show, is also playing young Hermione in the Harry Potter audiobooks on Audible.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Wait, how did her agent pull that off? Give her a raise.

Eric: Oh my God.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: What I love… okay, so what Meg said when I told her this news was, “Yep, she’s already overachieving.”

Andrew: [laughs] Oh, true.

Eric: It’s very like Hermione to do just that.

Laura: Yeah, it’s very Hermione.

Eric: I love that, for no other reason.

Andrew: It’s really cool. Yeah, so what they’re doing is they’re having three young actors play young Harry, Ron, and Hermione, and then after Book 3, they are being replaced by older actors, which is smart, because this has all been recorded already. The books are done; they’re ready. You can’t have Arabella Stanton, who’s, what, probably 12 years old, voicing Deathly Hallows Hermione. That just wouldn’t really make sense.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: So that’ll be pretty cool. And we did get the release dates; Sorcerer’s Stone comes out November 4, and then the following books all come out a month apart, so Chamber of Secrets comes out December 16, Prisoner of Azkaban comes out January 13, Goblet of Fire February 10, Order of the Phoenix March 10, Half-Blood Prince April 14, Deathly Hallows May 12. So we’re going to have seven months of new book…

Micah: Can you go through that again, please?

Andrew: Why? [laughs] No. Look at it in the doc.

Micah: I think also what this does, seeing the number of people that were cast for these audiobooks, is give me an even deeper appreciation for Jim Dale and Stephen Fry, who did voices for all of these characters, right?

Laura: Right.

Micah: There was nobody else that was joining them in the studio when they were going through and narrating the Harry Potter books. And I know we had Jim Dale on an episode of MuggleCast way back when, and we also got to spend some time with him in Dallas, it was, right? What was it, Portus?

Laura: That’s right.

Eric: Yeah, for Dallas.

Micah: So just a nice bit of nostalgia there as we celebrate 20 years.

Andrew: Yes. That was Jim Dale at the beginning introing MuggleCast.

Eric and Laura: Aww.

Andrew: When he came on our show for an interview, he recorded that for us, and we wanted to add that in to celebrate 20 years.

Eric: I’ve missed that so much. It was so, so iconic.

Andrew: “Dobby, Dobby, come here!”

Eric: “I would like to say how very pleased I am to introduce MuggleCast!”

Andrew: In addition to having a full cast, Audible says that these audiobooks are going to be an immersive audio entertainment experience featuring an all-new score and original music, plus high quality sound design and real world sound capture. And the books are unabridged. So I’ve been saying for a while, I’m very excited for these. This cast was a pleasant surprise. Hugh Laurie as Dumbledore? That’s pretty cool.

Laura: Yeah, that’s exciting.

Eric: I wonder if Imogen Heap is doing the score.

Andrew: [laughs] Who scored Cursed Child?

Eric: They really started a good partnership with Cursed Child, yeah. No, it sounds like… so this is a full-on audio drama, fully produced sort of soundscape, maybe sound effects. At the very least, like you said, a score, Andrew. I really like old school radio plays and podcasts or audiobooks that sound like them.

Andrew: So here’s a trailer for these new audiobooks to give you a sense of what you’ll be hearing.

[Audio clip plays]

Woman’s voice: Harry Potter, like you’ve never heard it before.

Michelle Gomez as Minerva McGonagall: Welcome to Hogwarts.

Frankie Treadaway as Harry Potter: I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me.

Arabella Stanton as Hermione Granger: We could all have been killed, or worse, expelled.

Max Lester as Ron Weasley: Follow the spiders! I’ll never forgive Hagrid. We’re lucky to be alive.

Riz Ahmed as Severus Snape: I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death.

Hugh Laurie as Albus Dumbledore: The truth, it is a beautiful and terrible thing.

Matthew Macfadyen as Voldemort: Harry Potter…

Woman’s voice: Harry Potter, the full cast audio editions.

Frankie Treadaway as Harry Potter: Expecto Patronum!

[Audio clip ends]

Andrew: I feel like I’m going to need a special, fancy pair of headphones to fully experience this immersive audio experience.

Eric: Maybe, yeah. It’s the pan that they adjusted…

Andrew: [laughs] Great pan.

Eric: Honestly, just a pair of stereo headphones. The pan!

Andrew: Micah, did they hire you to do the “Choo-choo”? I heard a “Choo-choo” at the beginning of that trailer.

Micah: Well, I can’t really speak to that right now.

Eric: Oh, he’s under an NDA.

Micah: Maybe not the “Choo-choo.” It’s possible that I might appear in future books, so I can’t really…

Andrew: As the goat?

Micah: Well, you’ll just have to wait and find out.

Eric: “And featuring Micah Tannenbaum as southern Hagrid, for some reason.”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: For some reason.

Eric: They loved it so much, listening to our old chapter readings on Patreon.

Micah: Yeah, that’s actually a new dialect that they have. They’re going to announce this; I guess I can spoil it here on the show…

Eric: Please, we need content. It’s 700 episodes. We need to keep doing the show.

Micah: Yeah, so it’s going to be great. It really is. Southern Hagrid, Sorcerer’s Stone. You haven’t heard anything yet.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Wow, what a tease. I do like for us that they are releasing these a month apart. I don’t know how we’ll cover these, if we do at all, but we should maybe review each one? We’ll have to talk about it off air and figure it out. But yeah, I’m looking forward to this. I think the monthly releases are cool too. It’ll give people something to look forward to each month if they’re really into this.

Eric: It’s a relief for me, because I’ve had been having some Audible credits build up.

Andrew: Oh.

Eric: I didn’t know exactly how I was going to…

Micah: Now you know how to spend them.

Eric: Well, and it beats paying cash, so it’s good for me.

Micah: I will say I was surprised at just how much like Hermione – or how much like Emma Watson – Arabella Stanton sounds in that one clip that they played.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I mean, that’s an iconic line that’s definitely going to serve as a throwback to the OG, because they also used that one in the trailers for Sorcerer’s Stone back in 2001, so I think they were probably trying to evoke that nostalgia to kind of bring people in.

Andrew: Kyle, who’s listening live on our Patreon tonight, also observed that he believes that these audiobooks were in production before casting began for the Harry Potter TV show, which would imply that Arabella Stanton got this gig for the Harry Potter audiobooks. And maybe when they were casting for the Harry Potter TV show, they were looking at these voice actors who were already working on the series, and were like, “Damn, Arabella Stanton is really standing out to us.”

Eric: Man, stinks to be that Harry and that Ron actor. They didn’t get it for the TV series.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I know.

Eric: No, no, I’ll tell you what I love about the Ron actor, who’s like, “Follow the spiders?” in that clip. It’s so reminiscent to me of Sorcerer’s Stone video game Ron. “Oh, beans!

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Just total real, real young Ron Weasley. So it’s going to be, I think, a treat. And Hugh Laurie was actually in a comedy duo, it was A Bit of Fry and Laurie, with Stephen Fry. So now both the men have done Albus Dumbledore.

Micah: It’ll be interesting to see, too, if any of that tracks… like what we’re talking about with Arabella Stanton; is there anybody else who is a voice actor in the audiobook series that ends up getting cast in the TV show?

Andrew: Yeah, maybe.

Eric: I want to see Michelle Gomez on TV again. That’d be great.

Andrew: [laughs] I think… now, in the case of Arabella Stanton, she also has the Hermione look. With all due respect to Max Lester and Frankie Treadaway, who are playing Ron and Harry respectively, I think they might look at those two kids and be like, “Well, they don’t have the look that we’re going for.”

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Whereas Arabella Stanton was probably the full package for them.

Eric: Well, I’m glad they’re no longer dying the actors’ hair, because that didn’t do so many favors for the kids in the movies.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: And Andrew, you had a quote initially in here, I think, from Hugh Laurie. It was really nice to hear him talk about, though, sort of the history of Dumbledore, and the fact that he feels like he’s taking on this iconic role that was previously played by Richard Harris, Michael Gambon, Jude Law, and then he also pays a little bit of tribute to Jim Dale and Stephen Fry as well.

Andrew: He has a way with words. He said, “Just below the horizon, but headed our way, is the rough beast John Lithgow, his hour come round at last. This is great company, and it’s a privilege to be among their number.” [laughs]

Eric: You know, Hugh Laurie… it didn’t dawn on me until you were reading that in kind of a sinister manner there, Andrew, but Hugh Laurie really can bring the dark side to Dumbledore and then the sweet, Chocolate Frog, Honeydukes version of Dumbledore, too. I really actually can’t wait for his portrayal.

Laura: Yeah, I agree.

Micah: Are you drawing this from House and the kind of character he was there? I mean, he was definitely a little bit more edgier.

Eric: A little edgy, yeah. A little edgy.

Laura: Well, also, if you look at his work with Stephen Fry, but you also look at his work in various Brit coms from I think the ’80s and ’90s, he’s also capable of being extremely funny and lighthearted, so I’m really excited to see him be able to sort of bridge the gap between those two things for Dumbledore, because we know it’s there.

Andrew: All right, well, we will revisit these audiobooks when there’s more news to share, or when the first one comes out in November. November 4, specifically.


Predictions on early MuggleCast


Andrew: So I thought it’d be fun to look back on those early episodes of MuggleCast, and I pulled some predictions that all four of us made. To put the show’s launch in perspective for everybody, we launched MuggleCast just about three weeks after the Half-Blood Prince book was published, so fans were feverish for ways to discuss and think about what might happen in Deathly Hallows. So let’s pull out the Time-Turner and look at some of the earliest predictions that we were making.

Eric: This comes from Episode 2. Kevin and Andrew predicted that Snape either had a relationship with Lily or that he had a crush on her. If he had a crush on her, it would explain why he hates Harry so much; he may have become bitter over his and Lily’s friendship getting destroyed because she chose James.

Andrew: That one was pretty right. [laughs]

Eric: Why didn’t we just…? We should’ve just ended the show there. We got it, you guys.

Laura: Right.

Eric: Wow.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Let’s look no further. I don’t think we’re going to find a more apt prediction.

Laura: Yep.

Andrew: Some of… we got some good predictions back in the day.

Laura: We did.

Andrew: Yeah, and that was the fun of the show.

Micah: You should have read that in a Kevin voice.

Andrew: [imitating Kevin] “Thank you. I nailed that one.”

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Well, not long after that, on Episode 3 Jamie asked the question if Albus Dumbledore is really dead, to which Eric said, “Yes, Albus Dumbledore is dead.” Jamie cried and didn’t return for the rest of the episode.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Will he be coming back in another way, though? Possibly. There is always the portrait in his office that Harry could talk to. So a better question is, yes, he is dead, but is he really gone?

Eric: Man, my first episode of MuggleCast, I predicted the Cursed Child.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Unbelievable. Harry is talking to Dumbledore’s portrait in his office. My God.

Andrew: Do y’all remember there was the website DumbledoreIsNotDead.com as well?

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Oh, yes.

Andrew: With all these theories trying to argue he didn’t actually die? I thought that website was awesome.

Eric: That was a great website.

Micah: Is this what birthed Dumbledore’s Tower of Terror?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Maybe it partly was inspired by that theory and book, yes. Or website.

Laura: I was going to ask you, Andrew, as well, is that website naming convention what inspired you to purchase DumbledoreIsNotGay.com?

Andrew: Yes! Oh, I forgot about that! Yeah.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: That was bad of me in hindsight. I shouldn’t gay deny. [laughs]

Laura: I mean, it was satire.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah.

Laura: All right, next one here is from Episode 5. In this one, Eric predicted that there would be a big chance that one of the remaining Horcruxes would be at Hogwarts, possibly the Sorting Hat, Gryffindor’s sword, or something entirely unknown to us.

Andrew: Ding ding ding.

Laura: Dang, Eric. Look at you.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, dust off those shoulders.

Micah: You’re three for three.

Eric: Yeah, hair flip.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: I think that I was overwhelmed by how much was left for Harry to do following Book 6, and so looking back, maybe it made sense to have a Horcrux be at Hogwarts. Also, because Hogwarts is such an important part of the books, I maybe speculated that we’d be going back.

Andrew: Important to Tom Riddle, too, Hogwarts.

Eric: Yeah, that’s a good point.

Micah: Andrew, I think it’s time that you put Eric in their place.

Eric: Augh.

Andrew: So on Episode 6, Jamie responded to a fan theory that Harry could be a Horcrux. Voldemort put a part of his soul into Harry on accident, and it happened when the spell backfired, and it definitely wasn’t on purpose. Eric and Ben disagreed with that.

Eric: Would never happen. It would never happen.

Andrew: But in Eric’s defense, that was a hotly debated theory.

Laura: That was a hot debate.

Andrew: People were very split, yeah.

Eric: Everything was Horcruxes. You guys don’t understand. Three weeks after Book 6, the introduction of Horcruxes, we literally were getting voicemails, so many that we had to ask people to, in the earliest episodes of MuggleCast, stop sending in questions about Horcruxes! Please!

Andrew: [imitating Ringo Starr] “With peace and love, peace and love, no more Horcrux theories!”

[Eric laughs]

Micah: No, we didn’t have peace and love back then.

Eric: No, no, but it’s fun to ret-con it, because that’s kind of the tone.

Laura: Totally.

Eric: No, the thing of it is… this is what’s amazing about all of us getting a chance to question and predict… all of this is spot on, the fact that Harry is a Horcrux, but it’s not an intentional thing. That’s right in there. That’s dead on.

Micah: What I love about this, though, is this is what made the show so much fun early on, was all of these different theories that were being thrown out there, and that we could literally sit for hours on end and debate whether or not we thought they were actually true.

Andrew: Yeah, because you could find arguments on both sides all over the Internet, on COSforums.com – that was MuggleNet’s forums – and all the other forums.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: We were getting tons of emails, like Eric is saying. Friendships died over the “Harry is a Horcrux” debate.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: That was tearing people apart. It really was.

Eric: Oh, you’re not wrong.

Laura: I definitely remember there was also a movement to go through the books with a fine-toothed comb to find every inanimate object that has ever been mentioned ever, and that just launched a thousand theories about what the Horcruxes were.

Andrew: Oh, wow.

Laura: Do you guys remember that?

Andrew: No. That does not surprise me, though.

Eric: But I do remember getting… because we learned about the locket, and there was that theory that the locket they all couldn’t open in Book 5 would come back and was the locket at the end of Book 6. So we knew that the author was the kind of person to put these clues in, and inanimate objects seemed perfect for it. So here’s one from – moving ahead in time – Episode 14 of MuggleCast: Ginny and Harry’s relationship will not be a big part of Book 7. Them being together will not depend on whether Harry defeats Voldemort or not. Harry and Ginny will have moments together in Book 7, but they won’t be in an actual relationship until Voldemort gets defeated, because there will be too much going on before that. Laura, this was your opinion then. Have to say, you were right, girl.

Laura: Yeah, no, I mean, I’m just perceptive like that.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: There were bigger fish to fry, right?

Eric: There was. There was.

Andrew: They put a pin in love. They’ll circle back to it later.

Laura: [laughs] Oh, God.

Micah: There’s battles before.

Eric: Kyle says in the Discord, “It’s also wild to me how strong Harmony still was after Half-Blood Prince, and you guys would have to navigate those tides in messages.”

Laura: That’s so true.

Eric: Harmony, of course, being the Harry/Hermione shippers, who occasionally still get mentions on this show from time to time. But that was a big swath of people, for sure.

Laura: Yeah, shippers were very serious back in the day. Not to say that the same themes don’t exist today, but it was a whole other thing. People legitimately had fights in online forums, sometimes at conventions, about ships, particularly the Harry and Hermione or the Ron and Hermione ship.

Andrew: It kind of makes me think that for the TV show, they should change some of the outcomes or plot lines a little bit, like who gets together with who.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Just to rock the boat and leave people surprised.

Eric: Oh my God.

Andrew: Harry and Hermione should get together.

Micah: I think they should pair up Harry and Luna.

Andrew: In a relationship? That seems beautifully platonic to me, that friendship.

Eric: Sure.

Andrew: But if that’s what you want, Micah. Micah is a…

Micah: I’m just trying to get Ravenclaw some more action.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: No, I was… honestly, when Luna was introduced in Book 5 – I know we’ve talked about it on the show before – I thought that’s what was being set up, because she and Harry have so much in common, and they can just connect on a deeper level that he hadn’t been able to connect with anyone else up until that point, so I thought that’s where it was going.

Eric: Yeah. I like the possibilities. I like that there were possibilities. There was more than one girl in the room. It’s nice.

Micah: Well, on Episode 21, responding to a voicemail from a fan who was wondering about Harry’s scar and whether or not it was going to disappear or stay after Voldemort’s death, all the hosts agreed that the scar would not disappear; it’s there forever. And even if Harry got the choice to remove it, he would choose to keep it instead. He’s proud of his scar, and he wouldn’t be complete without it.

Andrew: I wanted to include this one because, of course, we were all expecting the book to end with “scar,” and that didn’t happen.

Eric: Ahh.

Andrew: But we had some scar talk going on anyway, some other scar theories.

Eric: I think that was originally what was supposed to happen, right? That the scar would disappear or not be visible?

Micah: Fade?

Andrew: Ohh.

Eric: Yeah, I think the original… so we knew that the series was supposed to end in “scar,” and not “All was well.” Still angry about that. But I think the full sentence was later revealed to have… it was going to have been, “Only those that loved Harry could see the faint outline of his lightning bolt scar.” Something like that.

Andrew: That would have been nice.

Micah: “All was well.” I’m going to bring back a segment right here right now…

Andrew: Oh.

Micah: It’s called “What’s Buggin’ Micah.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: What’s Buggin’ Micah! Yeah! Play the sound effect!

Andrew: What’s buggin’ you, Micah?

Micah: It’s too fairy tale ending.

Andrew: Hmm.

Laura: Yeah, well, and also, apparently it wasn’t.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: No.

Micah: You’re right.

Laura: That’s the whole point of Cursed Child. [laughs]

Eric: You’re closing the door on Cursed Child there, Jo. Closing canon. That was a lot of the complaints contemporarily.

Andrew: Yeah, it broke canon. Cursed Child broke canon.

Eric: [laughs] Well, that’s not all it did. Or that’s not the only place.

Laura: Yeah, true. Next one is coming from Episode 23 on Fawkes not trying to save Albus Dumbledore in his last moments, and how that could be a sign that Snape isn’t bad and that the death was planned. Either way, Albus Dumbledore is definitely dead. Even if the curse didn’t work, the fall from the Astronomy Tower would have for sure killed him. Shout-out Astronomy Tower of Doom, or whatever we’re calling it.

Andrew: Tower of Terror.

Laura: There we go.

Eric: Dumbledore’s Astronomy Tower of Terror.

Laura: Snape may have had an Unbreakable Vow with Albus Dumbledore promising him that he will kill him instead of Draco. During the Astronomy Tower scene, Dumbledore may have been begging Snape to kill him instead of begging him for his own life. Oh, and you’re making me credit myself with this.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Thanks. Thank you. I’ll take it.

Andrew: It’s just the order that it went in. That’s all.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: But yeah, this one was spot on.

Micah: This was another big theory at the time, that Snape was actually good and he was acting on Dumbledore’s orders. The whole “Severus, please” line. And I think in the movies, Michael Gambon does a much better job of letting viewers in on what’s going on just in his delivery of those words than maybe it would have been for us as readers reading it on the page, because obviously we don’t have the tone or the delivery. But I thought – and I’m curious your all’s thoughts – having watched that, that it was pretty clear that Dumbledore was asking almost for mercy in that moment.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: I can see that, because he kind of said, “Severus… please.” He pauses.

Micah: And he makes that facial expression as well when he does it.

Andrew: Yeah, like he’s ready. Yeah, I could see that. And we’re talking about the audiobooks and the TV show; it’ll be interesting to see how John Lithgow plays it, and of course, now Hugh Laurie plays it as well. I mean, we’ll have to probably give the directors of the TV show and the audiobooks a lot of credit for moments like that, if they pull it off correctly. From Episode 45: The Hogwarts grounds will be where the final battle takes place. If that’s really the case, the scene would be very emotional. Micah guessed that the final battle will take place at Godric’s Hollow. I need to look up who actually said…

Micah: Well, in Cursed Child, it does take place in Godric’s Hollow, doesn’t it?

Andrew: I’m sorry, Micah. That doesn’t count.

Micah: Oh. Damn.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Not my canon.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: This was my prediction that I made, that it would take place on the Hogwarts grounds. Kind of a safe bet, maybe.

Micah: That’s a stretch.

Andrew: What?! It’s not a stretch. It’s on the grounds of Hogwarts.

Micah: [laughs] That’s what I’m saying.

Andrew: Oh, oh. [laughs] Ouch.

Laura: Yeah, I vividly remember being so against this idea, and I’m pretty sure there’s recording of me out there saying that if the final battle is at Hogwarts, that’ll be the stupidest idea ever. [laughs]

Andrew: Why? Why didn’t you like it?

Eric: I still think it’s… [laughs]

Andrew: What?!

Laura: Honestly, it’s kind of basic.

Eric: Yeah. Well, back-to-back books, right?

Laura: Right, and we just had this in Book 6, yeah.

Eric: Book 6 has this huge intrusion of Death Eaters at Hogwarts. No, I was with Laura, I think, at the time if I’m remembering correctly, because there were so many amazing battleground places that it could have been. We could have gone back to the Department of Mysteries, and that wouldn’t have been stupid, because it wasn’t twice in a row. Or whatever, whatever. Anyway…

Andrew: But it’s Hogwarts. Hoggy-hoggy Hogwarts.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Hoggy-woggy Hogwarts.

[Laura sighs]

Eric: Hoggy-warty Hogwarts. [laughs]

Andrew: Hoggy-warty.

Laura: It’s just… I don’t know. Voldemort just can’t get over high school.

Eric: No.

Laura: That’s the story of this franchise.

Andrew: Grow up.

Micah: Come on, bro.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Unbelievable.

Micah: But Hogwarts was a character, and I feel like it needed to be there in the final scene.

Andrew: Agreed. It was where it all began for Harry, really.

Laura: True.

Micah: And Voldemort.

Andrew: Yeah. Unless you want the final battle to happen, like, at Privet Drive. [laughs]

Laura: I mean, I don’t know. I think there’s a world of possibilities, if you want to talk about expanding the universe. If we think about what happens if the International Statute of Secrecy gets blown right open, what happens to the wizarding world in 2025 when we have the Internet and smartphones, and magic is going to be a lot harder to hide. If they wanted to expand on this franchise and build out the universe so that they could tell more stories and make more money, those are some things they could do. Bu those are just some ideas, if you want to hire me.

Eric: I think that’s pretty good.

Micah: Hired.

Eric: And our last in this segment of fun, old predictions – we should do this more often – comes from Episode 55, where Micah predicts that the Weasley twins are going to die by the end of Deathly Hallows. I actually looked this up; that episode we were joined by Brandon Ford of the MuggleNet editorial…

Micah: The Underground Lake.

Eric: Yeah. I know you were an avid reader of that segment.

Micah: I was.

Eric: But yeah, evidently it was revealed at Radio City Music Hall that maybe two people were going to survive of the trio, or at least Ron and Hermione. The question was, were two people spared? And Micah, you said, “I think the Weasley twins are going to get it.” That’s at the very end of Episode 55.

Laura: I mean, you were half right.

Andrew: Yeah, you were.

Eric: You were half right.

Micah: If I’m to try and remember what I was thinking back then, which… no chance.

Andrew: Yeah, how’d you have such a sick thought?

[Eric laughs]

Micah: But probably because when you look at a family as large as the Weasley family…

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: The probability? Wow.

Micah: … the probability is pretty high…

Eric: This is iron-clad.

Micah: … and we know what almost happened to Arthur in Order of the Phoenix. And I also think that… okay, now I know why I said this, because of what happened to Molly’s brothers, Gideon and Fabian Prewett.

Andrew: Ahh.

Micah: They died in the first war, and we know that at least in part, Fred and George are named for Gideon and Fabian. So history may have a way of repeating itself a little bit.

Andrew: And Fred rhymes with dead. It was written in the stars.

Eric: George rhymes with…

Andrew: Porridge.

Eric: … gorge.

Andrew: Gorge. “My brother’s going to get gorged to death.” [laughs]

Micah: Well, George does get maimed. It’s not like he gets away from it scot-free.

Eric: That’s true. They both get pretty… he’s cursed. His ear’s cursed off.

Micah: He’s holy.

Eric: He’s holy. [laughs]

Micah: Saint George.

Eric: Oh, man.

Andrew: Eric mentioned doing this more. I want to give a shout-out to Kim, one of our listeners, who at one point a few years ago went through every episode pre-Book 7, and logged all of our predictions that we made. And we have the timestamps; we have the episodes. It’s a 47-page doc, so we could do this more often. We were doing it a few years ago.

Laura: Yeah, it’s a great idea.

Andrew: But it’s just wonderful to have this resource where we can look back at all of our old predictions.

Laura: Totally.

Eric: Well, thanks, Kim. Yeah, this was fun to revisit.

Micah: Talk about saints.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Yeah. And later in today’s episode, we’ll be making some new predictions about the future of the fandom, so stay tuned for that.


Things we would have done differently


Andrew: So I thought 20 years later, we could ask ourselves if we could change one thing about the show’s past, or our presence or personality on the show in the past, what would it be? Because we’ve changed a lot in 20 years. We’re different people, and that’s okay; there’s nothing wrong with that. But this question is inspired by how we get different things out of the books as we have reread them over the years. So if we listen back to early episodes maybe, is there anything we wish we did differently? [laughs] Micah, I’m going to be really nice to you to kick things off here.

Micah: Aww. What do you want?

Andrew: [laughs] You were the MuggleCast news anchor. You had the news studio, and for a while – I don’t know how long exactly – you just were our news man, and you would pop in to read the latest headlines, and then we would discuss them. But then eventually, you just came onto the show full time. So my wish is that we broke you out of the newsroom dungeon sooner, and you were just a regular panelist sooner.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. We made him wait 11 weeks, so nearly three months before we were like, “Okay you can join us.”

Andrew: “I’ve done my time!” Micah, do you remember back then thinking like, “Why are they relegating me to this two-minute MP3 file every week?”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Micah: Well, no, not really, because I felt, in part, I needed to earn my way on.

Andrew: Darn right.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: We’re still waiting, by the way.

Micah: Ohh. Anyway.

Eric: [laughs] I’m kidding. You crushed those segments! Those segments were some of the biggest laughs of those early episodes. They were amazing.

Micah: Yeah, I had a lot of fun doing the news segments. And like you said, Andrew, they were pre-recorded, so it wasn’t like I was live with the rest of you when you were recording…

Eric: That would have been worse.

Micah: … and I think the joke finally was when I popped up post-news airing…

[Eric laughs]

Micah: … that everybody was shocked that I somehow found my way onto the show. But I do actually like the fact that the news became recorded during the show, because it allowed for more conversation, interaction…

Andrew: Exactly.

Micah: It just was very weird early on recording it and then having you all react after the fact. I feel like at times you had to edit in… if I made a joke or I made fun of another cohost, you would have to insert certain things in there, because otherwise there would be no kind of natural reaction to it. So it was probably more work on your end at times, or whoever was editing then.

Andrew: Maybe. It did just feel backwards for us to have you read all these different news items, and then we kind of backtracked and discussed everything you just said.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: Well, it was good to have a… I thought it made us sound so professional to have a prerecorded news roundup, and then as soon as it stopped being a thing, it’s like, “Okay, we don’t need that.” But it was really, really cool to begin with, especially because Micah did such a good job of it, curating it. I mean, I’ve told this story, too, but my favorite joke that you’ve ever made on the prerecorded news segment was… there was some trailer – I think it was for Goblet of Fire – that was going to be premiering on ABC or something, and it was going to be premiering before Joey, the Friends spinoff.

Micah: Oh no.

Eric: You were like, “Seeing as how there are only five people that watch this show, and we know who you are, we asked the former cast members of Friends to send in the tape.”

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: I was just like, “Oh my God, the shade! The shade.” It’s amazing.

Micah: Like I said, I had a lot of fun working on those news segments.

Andrew: Another thing I would change… and I can’t beat ourselves up over this; they’re mainly business-focused items. We did come up with Pickle Pack very early – that was like Patreon before Patreon – but it would have been cool if we did something even earlier, or if we came up with a mailing list, started collecting people’s emails to notify them about new episodes of the show, or just starting our social media channels sooner. We also gave away a lot of free advertising, it kind of felt like, which I wish we didn’t do. Maybe I’ll save that for a bonus MuggleCast some time behind the paywall.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: But I feel like we gave people more free promo than they probably deserved. That sounds mean. [laughs] I might cut that. “Deserved” is a strong word.

Laura: But no, I mean, I think there’s something to that, right? Because we’ve talked before on the show about how we were all so very young when we were doing this, that we didn’t know what we were doing. Nowadays stuff like that that would be immediately obvious to us – because we’re adults – just wouldn’t be when we were that young. It was kind of a… it was a really unique point in time, where the Internet, in terms of finances, was also kind of the Wild West. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, yeah, there weren’t laws written yet to say how it was supposed to go.

Laura: No, right.

Eric: Or even web traffic, and that kind of thing was just like, “Okay, you’ll give me what? All right, that seems fair,” not knowing what’s going on. But yeah, I’ll kind of go… for my thing, it was very to do with early social media also. I mean, we really… as a show, we predate YouTube being out of beta, Facebook; social media itself wasn’t… if it was a thing, because there was MySpace, it really wasn’t what it is today. The world just didn’t work like that. The Internet didn’t work like that. And a couple of years into our show, two or three years in, 2007/2008, is when some of our friends in fandom started to get big on YouTube through doing web vlogs and things like that. And my… I’ll say regret, but if we had a Time-Turner and could do things differently, I would say that would have been the time to really get on YouTube. We could have ridden that first wave of chronically online teens who could have boosted our signals; our channels could be even larger than they are through… but again, through hard work and regular content posting. But I always wonder what could have been. I always wonder… now we’re on YouTube; now we record video, and it works very seamlessly, and it goes on YouTube, and there have been many videos over the years that get a lot of views because we publish them to our YouTube. But to have utilized YouTube in the way that some of those early – you wouldn’t even call them influencers – at the time used, would be an interesting alternate timeline to see how things would have developed over there.

Laura: Well, yeah, especially if you look at some of the people who were on the cutting edge of YouTube at the time. And I mean, we’re all around the same age, so they were teenagers, early 20s, doing their nerdy shows about things they were really into, and a lot of those creators are huge on YouTube now.

Andrew: True.

Laura: Not to make anyone feel bad or anything, but it is one of those things that you do reflect on for sure. I would echo that.

Andrew: How about you, Micah?

Micah: I don’t know that I would necessarily want to change anything about the content of the show. I feel like we evolved the way we did because of all the different things that we faced along the way. I was just kind of thinking about this the last few minutes, and hopefully this doesn’t come across as somewhat controversial, but I do think that looking back on it, at the time, having the author on the show prior to all of the things that have since transpired would have been something that I think we all would have liked.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Micah: Now we all feel very differently as of August 7, 2025, but I look back on the fact that she did go on PotterCast, and she did talk with Melissa and John, and was it Sue at the time?

Andrew: Probably.

Micah: And I remember there were people who had said to me that they felt that we had at least earned that same right through what we did in putting the show on. And so again, I hope this doesn’t come across in any way as being controversial, but I do think that back at that point in time, that would have been something that we all would have appreciated.

Eric: Absolutely. Yeah, we idolized her.

Andrew: And to be honest, we would have asked really good questions.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: No, that’s the loss. That’s the loss that I feel. It’s not never having met her; it’s never getting to ask those crazy, wild questions, like, “Why is the Ministry abandoned? Was it a pizza party?” I need to know.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I take it as a compliment that she didn’t come on, because she was afraid of us. She knew the questions we would ask were too good.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Eric: We would poke holes. We would poke so many holes, the series would just collapse; there would be no more Harry Potter. I feel like had that been a huge priority of ours, we could have then made it happen. But there were various interactions throughout the years, right? We had a letter from her at one point saying, “Do you know we exist?” And she said, “Yes, I know that you exist.”

Andrew: [laughs] She was like, “Yeah.”

Eric: As soon as PotterCast had their interview with her, we wrote a letter saying, “Do you know that we are also a thing?”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: I mean, I didn’t write the letter, so what was it actually about?

Micah: Laura did, didn’t you?

Laura: Yeah, I did. It was just on all of our behalf, thanking her for everything she’d done. And we also sent her a charm bracelet that I bought at the mall.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: $1.99?

Laura: It wasn’t any… I mean, it was cute. It was cute, but I was 18, okay? I worked at Target. That was all I could afford.

Eric: That’s right up there with what Emerson gave her, which was the key to the city of La Porte, Indiana. I mean, that and a friendship bracelet are real close gifts.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Right. So we didn’t get a reply back for two years, and one day in my sophomore year of college, my mom texted me randomly and was like, “You’re never going to believe what just showed up at the P.O. Box.” [laughs]

Andrew: Did you buy the charm bracelet from Spencer’s? Or Hot Topic?

Laura: No! Oh my God.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Did it have Jack Skellington on it?

Laura: No, no, I would never. That’s not her vibe. She’s not…

Eric: No, Laura would buy that bracelet, but she’d wear it herself, because she was…

Laura: Duh. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, duh.

Micah: There were some other things, too, that I thought about. If the show had started earlier, maybe around when Goblet of Fire came out, just thinking about that was such a major, pivotal point in the series, because Voldemort is officially back, and we’re heading to Order of the Phoenix, where the tone of the series really starts to shift. And if we thought that we had theories after Half-Blood Prince was out, I can’t imagine the theories that were floating around at the times of Books 4 and 5 and where the series was ultimately going to go. So I mean, that would have just given us more episodes.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Yeah. No, it’s a good point. It would have been wonderful to speculate pre-Half-Blood Prince as well, or pre-Order of the Phoenix.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. I mean, there was some doing of that on MuggleNet, but not in the audio sphere. I mean, to be fair, podcasts weren’t really a thing, certainly not in 2000.


Lynx Line


Andrew: We also asked patrons what popular topics they would like us to revisit or reflect on. Carly thinks we should revisit “the ways in which our Muggle world has started to become more like the wizarding world over the last two decades. Like now we have ‘live’ photos that are similar to how pictures in the wizarding world move, we have ChatGPT a.k.a. a Quick Quotes Quill, we have our own Fudge in office, etc. I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts and observations of similar inventions/moments that make our world slightly more magical (for better or worse).” Yeah, that’s a great idea.

Micah: I think that’s a bit harsh on Fudge.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, that’s a fair point. Yeah, I mean, we do occasionally comment, and certainly as we’re going through the books when we spot a current relevance. But I like the implication of AI, and whether that is something that is akin to stuff we see in the Harry Potter books, there’s definitely a topic there, for sure. Sam says, “I miss all the silly segments that always got unhinged, hahaha. Make the Music Connection, What’s Buggin’ Micah,” which we had tonight, “Jamie’s jokes, etc. All the early days are such a joy to listen to. Really feels like going back in time.” I agree; there was a certain unpolishedness that would give us all heart attacks now at this age.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, that’s true.

Eric: If we tried to recreate… let somebody like Jamie loose, it wouldn’t work out.

Andrew: Yeah, we’re all still for having fun here. But yeah, it’s gotten a little more… and I think this is just how the podcast industry has shifted, too; it’s a little more regimented, maybe.

Laura: Yeah, a little more buttoned-up.

Andrew: “Don’t forget to follow us in your favorite podcast app.” People have to hear that stuff, so that’s why we say it. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah. No, but that is a call to action for us, I think, that Sam said, of like, let’s continue to keep the spirit of our unhinged teenage selves.

Andrew: Keep it weird.

Eric: Yeah, keep it weird, y’all. Keep it weird.

Andrew: I’m starting to think maybe we should start getting a little more adult on the show.

Micah: Oh, finally.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Wow.

Eric: Micah’s got a whole list of dad jokes of the week.

Laura: I didn’t realize we were going to have a show strategy meeting in the middle of the recording. [laughs]

Andrew: We’ve got to grow up. Parents, unsubscribe now for your kids.

Eric: We’re going to slap that E rating onto every episode.

Andrew: [laughs] Explicit, yeah.

Laura: Onto our Harry Potter podcast.

Micah: And as I think we’ve mentioned on other episodes, it’s hard for us to do Make the Music Connection, because copyright laws.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: [in a nasally voice] We’re not legally allowed to play, yes.

Micah: And the show will get pulled down, and we don’t want that.

Andrew: Yep.

Micah: Rachel says,

“Loved Make the Music Connection, the theories and predictions, and the first reactions to the Wizarding World at Universal. There have also been so many lines that have made me laugh out loud, and so many conversations and topics that have made me feel so seen and were exactly what I needed to hear.”

Laura: Oh, I love that.

Micah: Thanks, Rachel.

Laura: Carlee added that they loved the House-focused episodes. Those were so fun.

Andrew: That was a fun series.

Laura: And those are some of the more recent episodes in our catalog from the last few years, but those episodes were so deep.

Eric: Yeah, 520-something was those? 526 was “In Defense of Slytherin.”

Andrew: And House-focused episodes are probably something we could do more of. There’s a lot to dig into there in comparing and contrasting the Houses.

Micah: We can re-Sort people.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Eric: Yeah, that’s always fun.

Andrew: Michael said, “Old MuggleCast/MuggleNet lore is always fun! Inside joke origins, what some of our old friends are up to, favorite early show memories, etc.” Yeah, and I think we’ll be doing more of that in bonus MuggleCast on Patreon. Behind the paywall we can open up more; we can reveal the secrets maybe we don’t want prying eyes or ears to be seeing. So you can look forward to topics like that, and all of these topics today are great for bonus MuggleCast that we’re reading from our patrons, because right now we’re pretty busy with Chapter by Chapter, whereas bonus MuggleCast opens up the opportunity to talk about other aspects of the wizarding world outside of Chapter by Chapter. And what better time to do it than in our 20th year?

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Are you saying that we’re going to get Wormtaily in bonus?

Andrew: We’re going to get Wormtaily, yeah. Wormtaily part one, part two, part three…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: “Keep the secrets.”

Micah: Don’t keep the secrets.

Andrew: Well, listeners must keep the secrets that we share. [laughs]

Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah. We’re going to give them badges. They’re going to get little pins.

Andrew: I still have some of those “Keep the secrets” buttons. They were handing them out during the Cursed Child shows because they were trying to stop people from spoiling.

Eric: I wonder if they still do.

Micah: You going to put them on eBay?

Andrew: [laughs] I’m keeping them for myself.

Laura: So now here’s what we do: Before you can listen to this episode of bonus, we’re just going to have you sign this piece of parchment, and don’t worry about it. [laughs]

Andrew: You pledge to keep the secrets always and forever.

Eric: James says,

“Pickle Pack, where the darn origins of rabbit rabbit came from, a Seven-Word Summary of the past 20 years of podcasting, Laura’s pants, revisit what went wrong with the Fantastic Beasts movies, maybe revisiting thoughts on the theme parks?”

Yeah, there could be an idea of taking stock of what Harry Potter experiences currently exist, what conventions are still going, what gatherings are still happening, what theme parks there are… I think they’re opening a Universal in England next, I saw somewhere.

Andrew: That’s the rumor, yeah. They’re talking about it.

Eric: There’s a podcast about it now, from some of our friends. So yeah, who knows?

Andrew: The origins of “Rabbit rabbit,” you say at the start of a month, and it’s a little good luck charm. So that’s rabbit rabbit.

Micah: Wasn’t that Matt who first introduced that on the show? I feel like he was the one who I first heard it from.

Andrew: Maybe. I don’t know.

Laura: Yeah, maybe.

Andrew: But James also said a Seven-Word Summary of the past 20 years of podcasting. Why don’t we just do that right now? I’ll load up the theme.

Laura: Oh, God.

Andrew: [laughs] Laura is stressed already.

Micah: What’s the order?

Andrew: We’ll do the host order again.

Laura: No, you’re bringing it back! No! No, I’m kidding.

Andrew: Laura, you might only have to go once. You might be off the hook here.

Laura: Yeah, okay.

Andrew: All right, here we go. Seven-Word Summary of the last 20 years of podcasting.

Laura: Wait, where are we typing it out?

Andrew: I’ll type it right here below the question.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Andrew: MuggleCast…

Eric: … explores…

Micah: … literary…

Laura: … magic…

Andrew: … for…

Eric: … all…

Micah: … time.

Andrew: Oh, okay. There we go.

Laura: Oh, that was great!

Andrew: [laughs] Laura is like, “What was I worried about?”

Micah: We haven’t lost a step.

Eric: Let’s pat ourselves on the back. We still got a whole ‘nother book before we can bring that segment back properly, but we’re going to do it.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: And we did that in 20 seconds.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. “Scar.”

Micah: All right, Barry writes in to say that his “favorite episode to recommend to people is the differences between Fred and George. That episode is so fascinating, and a top five MuggleCast for me. And any episode y’all talk about Jacob Kowalski. Him sending that happy birthday message was sick.”

Andrew: Yeah, the actor, Dan Fogler. That was great.

Laura: Unhinged.

Andrew: Yeah, that Fred and George episode was one of my favorites, too. Telling them apart. How to tell them apart. [laughs]

Eric: It shocked me. What we learned on those episodes where we take a closer look and then learn, “Oh, yeah, you actually can…” there are distinctive personalities.

Andrew: Yeah, I learned a lot.

Eric: Because I always kind of skimmed them in the books, going, “Eh, the twins said this. The twins did that.”

Laura: Right.

Eric: They both didn’t die, though. They are different.

Laura: Fair enough.

Micah: And thank you all again very much for that special birthday message from the one and only Dan Fogler, Jacob Kowalski.

Andrew: Oh, you’re welcome. I don’t think he knew we were going to play that on a podcast.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: I don’t think he knew he was recording the video, to be honest with you.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Do you think he remembers?

Eric: Oh, man.

Laura: And finally, bringing us home, Robert has a couple of recommendations. The first is a fun one, saying, “I’d love a trip down memory lane about your reaction to seeing Cursed Child as opposed to reading it.” Now the serious recommendation, or the serious comment here:

“I’m so proud to call myself a MuggleCast fan because of your very powerful author episodes detailing not only her views and actions, but your staunch opposition to them. I’d love to know how it felt to plan and discuss such a hard topic, in addition to the strength you have to keep pushing positivity as a way to combat the hate.”

That’s really sweet of you to say, Robert, and that feels good. I think that’s exactly the tone we were hoping to strike with that.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah.

Laura: Just encouraging people to be a little more open, and rather than jumping on top of the ugly rhetoric that you see on social media and in the news, take a step back and actually try talking to someone who’s a member of the trans community before you start painting with a broad brush like the author does.

Eric: I think, yeah, just checking in with ourselves, too, and each other is a great resource. We have this relationship that we’ve cultivated over 20 years, and it makes it very easy to have even hard conversations, because we have a lot of respect for each other. So yeah, that was a great… I mean, conversations happened, but it worked out. I’m glad that was well received.

Andrew: Well, thank you to our patrons for sharing what popular topics they would like us to revisit, or ones they remember most. Really fun reading through those. We ask our patrons questions on our Patreon every week and then read their answers on air. If you would like to participate, become a member today at Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and don’t forget, we currently have a special offer; use code “20YEARS” at checkout to get a discount on an annual membership.


Predicting the future


Andrew: Now, we were experiencing some of our predictions we made in the earliest episodes of MuggleCast. Let’s predict the future. So 20 years from now…

Micah: 2045.

Andrew: 2045. What official Harry Potter or wizarding world things will exist that we don’t currently know about? And I’m encouraging y’all to think big here, because we have the TV show coming; we had Fantastic Beasts, the film series; we have these new audiobooks coming. Stuff like that. I’ll kick things off. I think…

Micah: Oh, I know you’re not doing that in a normal voice.

Andrew: What?

Micah: You’re predicting.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: You want to prophesize, Andrew?

Andrew: [imitating Trelawney] I predict…

Eric: There you go.

Micah: Thank you.

Andrew: [imitating Trelawney] The power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches… [back to normal voice] I predict a Harry Potter animated TV show will arrive about the adventures of the Weasleys, and I think it’ll be set at the Burrow at the start of every episode, and we’ll just see the daily antics that are happening within the house. And when you think about it, the Weasleys, they’re like a perfect sitcom family. You have the quirky dad, you’ve got the bossy but caring mother, you’ve got the mischievous twins, and then, of course, you’ve got some kids with really good heads on their shoulders. So I think the rapport between all of them in an animated TV show would be awesome, and animated! Think of the Weasleys animated. Think of the Burrow animated; the color would just be so vibrant. So that’s what I want.

Eric: I like that a lot. It kind of got me wanting a Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle comic book too, which is a comic that Ron has. Maybe… oh, remember how on children’s TV, there used to be… God, what was it? Garfield had half of every episode that was actually the farm creatures or something…

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Eric: … and it was 15 minutes of Garfield with the farm. Maybe they could do that, where it’s the Weasleys at the Burrow, and then also Martin Miggs, some Muggle somewhere, as a two-for cartoon series. Hire me. Thank you.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That would be great.

Andrew: [imitating Trelawney] Now it’s your turn, Eric, to make a prediction!

Eric: [imitating Trelawney] It’s a big mantle to take on! [back to normal voice] I don’t have the glasses.

Andrew: You don’t have to do the voice.

Eric: Thank God.

Andrew: It’s very… it strains the vocal cords.

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Micah: You need more Celsius.

Eric: [laughs] I will say that within the next 20 years… if I were betting them, I would say there will be a Hogwarts hotel. It will be, furthermore, somewhere unexpected, like North Carolina, for some reason. And having learned nothing from the Star Wars hotel…

Micah: Is Southern Hagrid going to be the innkeeper?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Oh, man. They could just get Jason Isaacs to do it! Because he did a great North Carolina accent in White Lotus.

Eric: That’s right!

Andrew: Ahh. It’s all coming together.

Eric: Okay, the ideas are… anyway, the Star Wars hotel, which has unfortunately failed, was highly immersive, and I always thought they should do that for Harry Potter. Now, it didn’t work; Star Wars hotel is closing. But if they did that for Hogwarts – go and attend class – it would sell like hot cakes. People would pay whatever it took. So I think that it’s not a source of revenue that they’re thumbing their nose at; I think Hogwarts hotel is coming. I think it’s coming big. I think we’re going to get it in the next 20 years.

Andrew: That would be a pretty… [laughs] Justin, who is listening live, is looking at me with my Trelawney glasses, and is calling me Chuck Schumer…

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: … because I’m very much looking over the glasses right now because they don’t fit on my head and they’re very blurry. But that would be a good bonus MuggleCast for us sometime, too, to dream up a Harry Potter hotel, specifically what that would look like.

Micah: I like that a lot.

Eric: Well, now that The White Lotus is out, I really have some ideas.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: And I do agree with you, Eric, that seems inevitable; some sort of Harry Potter hotel, Hogwarts hotel, something like that.

Micah: So I decided to go with something sports-related, but something I actually think could be a possibility. Quidditch, also now known as Quadball…

Eric: That’s right!

Micah: … is going to become an Olympic sport in the next 20 years, and here’s the reason why I say that: currently, it’s played in more than 40 countries; it combines elements of rugby, dodgeball, and tag with strategic gameplay; it’s fast paced, it’s high contact, it’s multi-dimensional, and it’s great for people to watch, and moreover, it’s highly inclusive, right? And if you look at some sports that are coming to the Olympics in LA in 2028, you have lacrosse, rugby, and squash, and these are very similar to Quidditch. So I think there’s a very high likelihood that at some point, maybe even in the next ten years, that we’ll see Quidditch become an Olympic sport.

Andrew: That’s a cool theory, because there’s some strange Olympic sports.

Micah: Exactly. [laughs]

Andrew: Unexpected ones.

Micah: Break dancing.

Andrew: Yeah!

Eric: Don’t knock it till you can do it.

Micah: Well, I’m not knocking it. I’m just saying, if you can win a gold medal for that, you can win a gold medal for Quidditch.

Andrew: Handball is an Olympic sport. That’s basically Quidditch.

Eric: What about podcasting, you guys? There needs to be an Olympic podcasting team.

Andrew: I’m in good shape for that, so…

Micah: I think we can do it.

Laura: Okay, but just a reminder, 20 years in the future, we’re all going to be around 60.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Thriving?

Laura: Pushing 60.

Eric: And thriving.

Laura: Yeah. Oh, totally. But how many 60-year-old Olympians do you know? [laughs]

Andrew: Well, for podcasting, it’d probably be all about projection.

Laura: Well, yeah, that’s true.

Andrew: [in a deep voice] Welcome to Muggle… see, I screwed it up. I already didn’t even score in the top three.

Eric: No, I was captivated. Yeah, it’s amazing you can just turn that on like that, Andrew.

Andrew: [in a deep voice] Welcome to MuggleCast. [back to normal voice] Gold medal for Andrew.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Sibilance!

Andrew: I like that prediction, Micah. That’s cool. Yeah, they renamed Quidditch to Quadball to get around the legal issues there, and maybe that was a step towards Olympic inclusion.

Laura: Perhaps.

Eric: Yeah, I mean, actually, you mentioned handball, but the USA Team Handball Association helped develop rules for different versions of Quidditch throughout the years that were played live. So I don’t know, but I think they’re probably pretty connected.

Laura: I want to add to the hotels recommendation. I think hotels… I could definitely see full resort situations. But the thing that I really think is going to happen – I don’t know if it’s going to take 20 years, but I think it will happen – there will be a wizarding world cruise. There is no way this doesn’t happen. There’s a cruise for literally everything. If you have an interest in something, if you’re really nerdy about something, odds are they have a cruise for it, so I think there’s going to be a Harry Potter cruise.

Eric: Now I’m looking up if there’s podcasting cruises.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: There are!

Eric: What?! Augh, that’s amazing.

Andrew: You know, Laura, there actually have been some rumors lately that Universal, who has the Harry Potter land, is planning cruises, because also, remember, Disney has a very successful cruise line, so it seems inevitable.

Laura: They do.

Andrew: Plus, Universal is expanding a lot. Eric mentioned that England theme park that’s in the works. Here in Vegas, they’re about to open a year-round Halloween Horror Nights venue.

Eric: That’s right!

Andrew: It’s opening later this month, actually; I’m very excited about it. They’re looking for new opportunities, so maybe there will be a Universal cruise with Harry Potter elements on it to start, or they are just going to do a whole Harry Potter ship. That’d be pretty cool. I would like an adults-only Harry Potter ship, though.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: I went on an adult-only cruise over New Year’s, and that was wonderful. Just being away from children was wonderful for a week. [laughs]

Eric: Well, there goes MuggleCast Junior. Dead in the water.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: I’ll be on a cruise when MuggleCast Junior happens.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I was going to make a funny joke about a wizarding world cruise, is that they will tease that the cruise will go to Rio de Janeiro, and it never will.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Ohh.

Eric: We will never actually get a cruise there; they will just talk about it. It will be the cover photo on Twitter for several accounts, but we will never actually get there. They’ll have a last minute change of plans.

Andrew: Laura, we’ve got to do a bonus MuggleCaster around a Harry Potter cruise too. Now my mind is just spinning with ideas.

Laura: Yeah, I know. Me too.

Andrew: I loved the cruise I went on a few months ago. I’ve got cruise fever now, so we can collab.

Eric: Oooh.

Micah: Look at you.

Laura: There’s some good ideas you could do, and there are definitely some OG cast members who would totally go.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Because that’s the fun of being on these cruises. If you go on a music cruise, the band that you’re there to see is usually on the cruise, unless it’s Kiss, because from what I hear, Kiss just helicopters in for their performance and then they leave, so they’re not on the boat the entire cruise.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: But a lot of times, if it’s a cruise celebrating a fandom or a band or whatever, prominent people from that thing will be there walking around, and you can just run into them. That’s half the fun. I think Tom Felton would go, 100%.

Andrew: Yeah, definitely. All right, well, we have some great ideas here. We’ll revisit these in 2045 and see how right or wrong we were.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: You know, 20 years ago, we wouldn’t have predicted we would have lasted 20 years. So I’m joking when I say we’ll revisit these in 2045, but I’m also not.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Let’s all agree right now to meet here 20 years from now. Even if the show is over, we’ll do a special live.

Andrew: Yes, we’ll meet on a cruise.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Let’s print out this Google Doc; put it in the time capsule. Somebody set a Siri reminder to dig up that time capsule in 20 years from now.


Chicken Soup for the MuggleCast Soul


Andrew: All right, so to wrap up today’s show, we are going to bring back the Chicken Soup for the MuggleCast Soul segment, but we’re going to do more than one message today. We’ve got three lined up to celebrate 20 years and to hear from our listeners, right, Micah?

Micah: These are ones, too, that have been pulled from the Muggle Mailbag over the years, right? So these are ones maybe we didn’t get to. The one from John is a little bit more recent, but we’ll hear from two others, Crissy, which is from 2023, and then Chelsea, which is from 2019.

Andrew: Okay, so let’s start with the voice memo from John.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hey, MuggleCast. This is John from Colorado. I’ve been listening since about Episode 20, and I just want to say how much I love the show. You guys have been with me through high times and low times. You helped me with through anxiety attacks and thoughts of suicide, so I just want to say I love you guys so much. Special shout-out to Andrew and Eric; Micah and Laura, my Ravenclaw brothers from another mother. Special shout-out to Pam and Chloé, of course, and the other hosts who have come and gone over the years. Thank you, Matt, Elysa, Jamie, Kevin, Mikey B., and any other hosts that Andrew may or may not allegedly murdered and buried in Lake Mead with Laura’s true crime podcast help. Love the show, guys. Excited for the TV show. See ya.”

[Voicemail ends]

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Oh, man.

Andrew: Wow. Thanks, John.

Laura: Well, John’s got your number, Andrew.

Andrew: That was pretty sweet, I think.

Laura: I’d watch out. I think America’s Most Wanted is going to turn up.

Micah: You should never joke about making Horcruxes. See what happens?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. We’ve heard from listeners over the years the impact the show has had on them in ways similar to what John is describing, especially offering mental health escapes. And I remember back in 2006 one of our listeners telling us this face-to-face, how important the show was to them and how it brought much needed light to their world, and that just meant everything to us, and it’s one of the reasons we still do the show today. We know the impact that this podcast has had on people, and the impact the fandom has had on people, and just this community, how it’s a positive light in the world, so we are thrilled to still be a part of it.

Eric: Yeah, couldn’t have said that better myself. Every time we hear a story like that, we’re very grateful to have been shared on it and to have gotten to be a part of it.

Micah: Yeah. Our next Chicken Soup comes from Crissy, who says,

“Hi, MuggleCast. My husband and I recently got a new puppy…”

At this point, the puppy is probably a couple years old.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: But at the time, was her first time having one.

“Not sure if you’ve heard of the ‘puppy blues’ but I’ve had them big time for the last few weeks. She’s had tummy troubles and rough nights and I feel like I can’t do anything right… just wanted to say that listening to you guys has helped me out and made me feel a little better. I’m loving all the HBO show discussion and can’t wait to listen to you all for many more years to come, if you’re up to it, that is! Thanks for being such great Harry Potter friends.”

Andrew: Yes, we are up to it.

Laura: That sounds like a dare.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: I was going to say… well, no, I sounded it like they’re really deferring to us. “You guys? Do we think that we’re up to it? Only if you guys are up to it, then I’ll listen to it.”

Micah: Yeah, I gave it a little more inflection. I’m sorry.

Andrew: Thank you, Crissy.

Eric: Thank you, Crissy.

Laura: Next one comes from Chelsea, who says,

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have been listening to MuggleCast for two years and one month and have officially caught up on every episode and every bonus MuggleCast. I became a patron earlier this year so I could continue my obsession and help support the show. When I started listening, I had just had my second child, I was very lonely being at home every day with two babies and family far away, my marriage was falling apart, and my life was just a mess. Since then I have gotten divorced, sold my home, and moved into my own place, fell in love again, and have well and truly picked myself up and moved on with my life.

I want to thank all of you for this, for keeping me sane, for being my friends when they all deserted me, for making me laugh when I wanted to cry, for keeping me company while I looked after two crazy toddlers and tried to get a house ready for sale, and for staying with me through it all. The one constant in my life was being able to turn on a MuggleCast episode, hear your voices, and feel like I was sitting in a room of my best friends. Thank you for continuing to bring light into the lives of all of us MuggleCast fans. You are insightful, funny, detailed, bring a fantastic energy, and I love that literally no theory is safe! Yours in magic, Chelsea.”

Andrew and Eric: Aww.

Laura: And this is from 2019! So we really have a few of these that have been sitting in there. I’m so sorry.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: She’s got a couple of 8-year-olds now.

Andrew: No, it’s nice to look back.

Laura: Yeah, it’s very sweet.

Andrew: It is wonderful to be a constant in people’s lives, and you all have been a constant in our lives as well; the feeling is very mutual. And you’ve been our Harry Potter friends as well.

Eric: That’s right.

Andrew: When we started this podcast, we didn’t have – at least I didn’t have – Harry Potter friends, or really any friends, in real life, so this was my escape to discuss Harry Potter with my fellow Harry Potter MuggleNet friends. Thank you, Chelsea. Well, listeners, if you have anything to add about today’s episode, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. Even if we take six years to read your email on air…

Eric: There’s older emails in there. [laughs]

Andrew: … we promise we’re reading your emails and listening to your feedback as it comes in. So thank you so much for submitting that feedback; it’s always great to hear back from y’all. And next week on the show, Chapter by Chapter continues with Order of the Phoenix Chapter 35, “Beyond the Veil.”

Eric: Oooh.

Laura: Womp-womp.

Andrew: Look forward to our 2025 Patreon gift announcement next week, and become a member now for our best deal ever, 20% off an annual membership. Just use code “20YEARS” at checkout; it’ll get you two gifts, bonus MuggleCast episodes every month, ad-free Chapter by Chapter, a monthly Zoom hangout with the four of us, and a lot more. You can also visit MuggleCastMerch.com to buy official gear, including limited time patron gifts from years past. We’d also appreciate a review in your favorite podcast app, and tell a fellow Muggle about the show. Finally, you can visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all of this information, our contact form, and a lot more. And if you want more of us, do check out our other podcasts, What the Hype?! and Millennial, for more pop culture and real world talk. Well, that about does it, y’all. Any closing thoughts? Comments? Prayers?

Laura: Prayers?

Andrew: I don’t know.

Laura: Do you think something bad’s going to happen? [laughs]

Andrew: No. I don’t know. Anything.

Eric: Well wishes? Honestly, if you’re here right now, thank you. That’s it. We’ve really always…

Andrew: What left is there to say?

Eric: We look forward to doing this show every week, and it’s always been a joy.

Andrew: It really has. Here’s to the next 20 years.

Eric: To MuggleCast, y’all.

Laura: I know.

Andrew: Oh, what are you drinking, Eric? Is that a soda or a drink?

Laura: Oh, man, I didn’t bring a drink.

Eric: Well, I have Cherry Pepsi.

Andrew: Oh.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Oh, you’ve got the glass!

Andrew: What do you have, Micah? What is that, wine?

Micah: It is, yeah.

Andrew: Oh.

Micah: But I don’t sip it during the show.

Andrew: Oh, very professional of you.

Micah: I have to be prepared and ready to zing you back.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: You’re aerating it during the show, right? You know, if I have one regret, it’s that we didn’t do this episode in person so that we could then go out to a bar and just…

Micah: Drink? Cheers?

Eric: Party, and all hold each other. Cry.

Andrew: We’ll rain check on that.

Eric: Yeah, rain check.

Andrew: Thank you, everyone, so much for listening. It is truly wonderful to have you as a listener. We are deeply grateful for your listenership and support, and we will be back next week. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everyone!

Eric, Laura, and Micah: Bye.