Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #686, The Fudgerator (OOTP Chapter 10, Luna Lovegood)
Show Intro
[Show music plays]
Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the Wizarding World fandom. I’m Andrew.
Eric Scull: I’m Eric.
Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.
Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.
Andrew: Grab your luggage and let’s get to King’s Cross, because we’ve got a train to catch.
Micah: Choo-choo.
Andrew: Just make sure to leave your dog at home. And no, you can’t sit with us! Before we get into Chapter by Chapter this week, a couple of things we wanted to touch on very quickly. Anybody here watching the new Harry Potter TV show? Not that one, not that one.
[Eric laughs]
Andrew: The other one, Harry Potter: Wizards of Baking on Food Network.
Laura and Micah: Yeah.
Andrew: I am too. Oh, you are? Okay, everybody but Eric.
Micah: I’m not caught up yet, though.
Laura: No, I’m also not fully up to speed.
Andrew: I am not either.
Micah: And honestly, it’s on in 25 minutes, so I might have to take a break. [laughs]
Eric: If you disappear during Chapter by Chapter, it’s fine.
Andrew: So for anybody who doesn’t know, this started airing a few weeks ago, like I said, on Food Network. It’s hosted by the Phelps twins, who played the Weasley twins in the Harry Potter movies, and there’s numerous actors from the films making appearances in this series. For example, Evanna Lynch was on one episode; Warwick Davis was on another. And as the name of the show might imply, it is a baking show, and it’s kind of similar to Great British Bake-Off and those types of shows, but with Wizards of Baking, they’re professional bakers, and the bakes they are coming up with are out of this world. Inspired by Harry Potter, each week has a different theme; there was a Dark Arts theme. Man, they’re making some cool stuff, right?
Laura: Yeah. I wonder if they’re wizards too, and that’s going to be the big reveal of the show.
Micah: They must be.
Andrew: They are; they’re the wizards of baking.
[Laura laughs]
Micah: Yeah, what I like about it is that there’s a little bit of a magical touch to each of the pieces that they create, so it’s not just food – going off of what you were saying, Andrew – it’s really a whole production, and I’m blown away by what some of these people can do.
Andrew: Me too. I’m normally not into baking shows, but obviously I’m a Harry Potter fan, and just seeing what these people come up with is really entertaining. And the winner of this show is going to be included in a forthcoming Harry Potter cookbook; I don’t know if there have been official ones before, but there will be once the show finishes airing.
Laura: That’s really cool. I thought you were going to say they’re going to get a cameo in the Harry Potter TV show, which would be very cool.
Eric: As the chef of Hogwarts.
Laura: Right.
Andrew: Yeah, working with the house-elves under the Great Hall.
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Andrew: I will say, the Evanna Lynch episode… so Evanna Lynch is a vegan and she didn’t taste any of the desserts because she’s vegan, and they note that on the episode, which is a good call, but then it’s kind of awkward with Evanna just standing there not tasting the bakes when the other judges are and then she’s commenting on how they look, but it was a little weird.
Eric: That would have been a great opportunity to do an episode with vegan recipes.
Laura: Right.
Andrew: Yes, or a little side challenge with those episodes, come up with one little thing that’s part of the bake that is vegan. I don’t think that would have been that hard.
Laura: Yeah, well, and I feel like it’s also really commonplace nowadays for there to be vegan substitutes. I know a lot of times in baking you can replace eggs with applesauce, for example, for something else to act as that binding agent.
Eric: That sounds delicious, honestly. [laughs]
Laura: It is.
Andrew: Yeah, no, I totally agree they should have done some sort of vegan challenge with her on, but oh well, maybe a future season. So listeners, check it out if you’re looking for something to watch this holiday season. Definitely worth it, even if you aren’t typically into these baking shows. Also, we’re in the last week of the holiday shopping season, so if loved ones are asking you what to get you this holiday, tell them to hook you up with a Patreon membership, because as we’ve been reminding listeners over the last few weeks, you can now gift Patreon memberships. Just direct your loved one to Patreon.com/MuggleCast/gift, and they will be able to gift you anywhere from one to twelve months of Patreon access, and once you receive your membership, you’ll get access to bonus MuggleCast episodes, our livestreams, a new physical gift every year, and a lot more. We’re actually recording a new bonus MuggleCast after today’s episode. Laura, what can our listeners expect?
Laura: Yeah, we’re going to be talking about what if Hogwarts were a US public school? I think because a lot of us who grew up in the US public school system have some very similar experiences from going through that school system, good and bad, right? Like with most things. But we were actually inspired to do this based off of a really funny reel that was poising “How would the administration at Hogwarts deal with a lot of the issues that US public schools deal with?” Like funding issues, for example; like, “Oh, sorry, the Ministry cut our funding again. No broom classes this year.” So we’re going to be reflecting on our own experiences in public school here in the US and talk about how Hogwarts would be different if it were part of our school system.
Andrew: That’ll be available at Patreon.com/MuggleCast and also for paid Apple Podcasts subscribers.
Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner
Andrew: And without further ado, let’s get into Chapter by Chapter, and this week, we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 10, “Luna Lovegood.” How appropriate, since we were just talking about Evanna.
Eric: That’s right! This is a special chapter because it’s the final chapter that we discussed in our 2011 reread. For some reason we stopped here. I think we ended up getting distracted by the Death Hallows 2 coming on home video; we did a commentary, and Warner Bros. expansion for the theme park was… so we stopped, and we’ve only done Order of the Phoenix past this point in 2019, so the Time-Turner segment is going to be just the 2019 episodes from next week on.
Micah: That’s appropriate because this is the last Chapter by Chapter of 2024.
Eric: We last discussed this chapter on “One and Done,” which was Episode 241, and “Less than Prefect,” which was Episode 445 for December 9, 2019.
[Ticking sound]
Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.
Ron: What the…?
[Bell dings]
[Whooshing sound]
Robotic voice: Episode 241.
Eric: Just as he steps on the school carriage to go to Hogwarts, Luna assures him that she can see them, too, and that Harry is “just as sane as I am.”
Andrew: Uh-oh.
Eric: Oh no.
Andrew: New thing to stress about for Harry.
[Bell dings]
[Whooshing sound]
Robotic voice: Episode 445.
Micah: And yeah, so Sirius…
Andrew: Rock and roll star? What kind of music do the Hobgoblins play? It sounds like a punk rock type of band.
Eric: Apparently, it’s the kind of band that attracts an audience that has turnips to throw at them. Unfortunately, I think there was probably a pretty bad concert that was not well-received by the audience, because Stubby Boardman retired after being hit in the ear with a turnip from the audience, so…
Andrew: What a snowflake.
[Micah laughs]
Vanessa: If you’d had a turnip thrown at you at a live show, would you be like, “I’m going to keep this going”?
Andrew: Uh, yeah, that’s rock and roll. That’s what you gotta do.
[Micah and Vanessa laugh]
Andrew: People throw stuff up on the stage.
Laura: Yeah, turnips are totally rock and roll.
Eric: I would be heavily discouraged.
Micah: Have security throw out the person and keep going.
Andrew: Right.
[Whooshing sound]
[Ticking sound]
Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.
[Bell dings]
Andrew: That voice you might not recognize was Vanessa from Harry Potter and the Sacred Text. She guested on that episode.
Laura: Love her.
Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion
Micah: This chapter starts off for Harry after having experienced the trauma of Mrs. Weasley the evening prior, and he’s in the midst of a dream, and we know in this series to always be mindful of Harry’s dreams and what he experiences in them. So this chapter starts out by, “His parents wove in and out of his dreams, never speaking; Mrs. Weasley sobbed over Kreacher’s dead body watched by Ron and Hermione, who were wearing crowns, and yet again Harry found himself walking down a corridor ending in a locked door.” I just want some of what he’s having, because this dream… [laughs]
Eric: It doesn’t sound super pleasant.
Micah: It’s just all over the place. Do we sense any truth to this dream, knowing what we know?
Andrew: Well, Ron and Hermione wearing crowns, okay, because they became prefects. The corridor and the locked door at the end, that’s the Department of Mysteries.
Laura: I think Ron and Hermione wearing crowns is layered, right? Because it has to do with them becoming prefects, but they also end up together eventually. And this is the book where we get Weasley Is Our King, right? So there’s a lot going on there with those crowns.
Eric: There may be an additional sixth sense that Harry has in his dream because Molly is crying over Kreacher’s body. Kreacher ultimately is a sympathetic character worthy of these tears being shed, but Molly will not know that, and Harry won’t for at least another book, maybe two, so there’s that angle. I think really with this dream, the mood and the tone of it comes off of the very real experience of having witnessed basically your mother figure’s vulnerability, because seeing anyone’s boggart is their worst fear, their worst nightmare, and I think Harry is definitely still shaken from just experiencing that. It was fun when Lupin taught the class on boggarts, but you’re actually seeing something horrible like what Harry has just witnessed with Molly, so I think that’s impacting his dream.
Andrew: I agree, and I love the idea that this dream might actually be foreshadowing what we come to learn about Kreacher, Eric.
Micah: The crowns also reminded me of… isn’t wearing crowns something that happens around Christmastime too? I remember Arthur having a crown on his head when he returns from the hospital.
Eric: [laughs] That’s right.
Laura: Yeah, from the Christmas crackers, right?
Eric: The crackers often have, yeah, paper crowns in them.
Micah: So I wondered if part of this was prophetic, but part of it, as you were all saying, is just all of what Harry has experienced over the course of the last several days, right? Ron and Hermione becoming prefects; Molly experiencing her worst fears. But then we have this piece of it where he’s approaching this locked door down a long corridor. He seems to have a bit… but that could also be him experiencing Voldemort as well, no?
Laura: Yeah, because we know who’s looking for the contents behind that locked door, right? It’s not Harry.
Andrew: That’s true.
Eric: No, I assume anytime he sees anything about the door, it’s basically Voldemort’s… he’s seeing Voldemort’s intention.
Micah: Yeah, and then he just had a really less than positive experience with Moody and seeing his parents in that picture.
Eric: Yeah, so the fact that his parents are in and out of his dreams, never speaking, is totally on point.
Micah: So it is complete chaos the morning of the trio – and really, the rest of the Weasley family – heading off to King’s Cross Station. I wanted to ask, were we at all surprised that it was Mrs. Weasley and Tonks that ended up escorting Harry to King’s Cross Station? Given everything that’s happened up until this point. By no means am I saying that they’re unqualified for the job; it just struck me as odd that these were the two that were chosen, presumably by the Order, to escort Harry to King’s Cross.
Andrew: So I think it might be a way to show anybody who’s trying to spy on them or follow them that maybe the Order is not concerned about any potential threat right now. Of course, they are, but by having this low-key group go to King’s Cross, it is implying “We’re not worried about any imminent or active threats.”
Eric: I mean, Tonks is an Auror.
Laura: Right.
Andrew: Yeah, but it’s Tonks and Mrs. Weasley. And you think about how Harry has been transported in this book thus far; it was a much larger group of people. Imagine this large group around Harry heading to King’s Cross. He’d look like the President with a security detail, Secret Service around him.
Micah: [laughs] Tonks is an unknown entity at this point, and she’s pretty clumsy from what we’ve seen.
Eric: Well, there’s always the potential for error. I mean, Dung is no more reliable, and in fact, probably significantly less so.
Micah: Fair. Again, I’m not really questioning their qualifications; I’m just surprised Moody is put on luggage duty.
[Andrew laughs]
Micah: And presumably, he’s the best person here – and certainly the most neurotic – to keep an eye on Harry. No pun intended.
Eric: I think just… yeah, maybe switching up the guard is the whole point. Tonks is undercover, disguised as somebody else. I think if the goal is to change things up and show that you’re not just the same three people all the time, that could be a tactic.
Laura: Yeah, and also, I mean, we have to remember it’s not just Harry being escorted to King’s Cross; it’s all the Weasley kids and Hermione.
Micah: Oh, who cares about them?
Eric: Well, Ginny just survived falling down three flights of stairs or something. [laughs]
Laura: I know.
Eric: I would want her in my detail because she’s badass.
Laura: Poor Ginny. Yeah, but I mean, if they’re trying to project an image of normalcy and not raise suspicion, what’s more normal than Molly Weasley escorting all the kids to King’s Cross?
Andrew: Exactly.
Eric: King’s Cross is just a neutral ground, because you have the children of the Weasleys there, and you have the children of Death Eaters there. Lucius Malfoy is there. It’s very unlikely that anyone would try anything, because they all have to get their kids on the train.
Micah: And to her credit, Tonks is disguised.
Eric: Something that I noticed while reading this time that I hadn’t before is there’s this question about “Well, is Voldemort going to pop up out of… on the train platform?” And I was reminded that that’s probably the inspiration for the scene in the movie when there actually is Voldemort on the train platform.
Laura: In a suit.
Eric: And I’ve got to say, I’ve always liked that because it’s unsettling. I know we talked about it in our commentary; we disagreed a little. But it’s fun to see that there was a textual basis for making that happen.
Andrew: Yeah, and I think for moviegoers who maybe don’t read the books, that was a great way to create some tension and show the threat that Harry might be facing at any moment, especially if you don’t know where the plot is going.
Micah: Well, I did want to use this opportunity to connect the threads. There’s always connective tissue between Prisoner of Azkaban and Order of the Phoenix, and oh how the times have changed, because Mrs. Weasley jokes about how Ministry transport… there’s no way in hell that they could transport them this year, much like they did in Prisoner of Azkaban, to King’s Cross.
Andrew: In company cars, oooh.
Eric: I wouldn’t trust a Ministry car to ferry Harry safely to and from a place after that shit they pulled.
Andrew: Yeah, that’s true. I mean, they could somehow mess with the car so they get in an accident or something and then blame Harry for that too.
Eric: Or it just locks and Harry is stuck in a car all year.
[Eric and Micah laugh]
Andrew: New prison.
Micah: But I think it is important to note the difference of how the Ministry treated Harry in his third year after having committed a “crime” with Aunt Marge, versus how they are treating him now in Order of the Phoenix after having committed a crime.
Eric: It reminds me so much of how how they treat him in Book 3 is due to perceived liability. If something were to happen to Harry, it would be the government’s fault, and Fudge doesn’t want that; that’s why they’re so nice to Harry and give him the all-star treatment, put him up in a hotel in Diagon Alley, all that stuff. Versus this year, they’re very much… they’ve completely decided that Harry himself is the liability.
Micah: One person who we didn’t mention who joined the contingent of Molly, Tonks, and Harry is Sirius.
Eric: Aww.
Micah: He decides to accompany Harry to King’s Cross Station, against Dumbledore’s orders…
Andrew: Uh-oh!
Micah: … and I think he really used the chaos of the situation to his advantage, just given everything that’s going on in Grimmauld Place this morning. Eric, you mentioned how Ginny gets knocked down the stairs. It just reminded me a lot of – it is Christmastime – when the McCallisters are trying to get to the airport in Home Alone.
[Andrew and Eric laugh]
Micah: That’s how I envision this scene.
Eric: Can’t keep track of every… oh, man. I love that.
Micah: So do we blame Sirius? Is he thinking more about himself than Harry at this moment? Does he just want that breath of fresh air?
Eric: It’s a reckless act, but I don’t think it’s selfish. What I tend to intuit here: He is actively trying to make Harry laugh the whole trip, and so I’m less inclined to see it as selfish, because – I’m just going to say it – he’s the one character in this chapter who is completely committed to Harry’s emotional wellbeing. Everyone else wants to protect Harry and get him there safely and everything, but Sirius is trying to improve his mood and make him happy. So it’s completely reckless and stupid what Sirius does, and on his own head be it; it’s 100% impulsive. But I wouldn’t say it’s selfish, because he’s ultimately… and Ron is having a laughing fit too.
Laura: Yeah, I tend to agree with Eric here. I think that what Sirius does here is kind of dumb and short-sighted, but the emotion behind it, the sentiment behind it, is a very real and valid thing. He wants to see his godson off to school before he’s basically locked up by himself again in Grimmauld Place for a whole year before Harry comes back in the summer, and this is his godson who they just in the last couple of years got to connect with each other, and they don’t get to see each other that much. He probably feels like doing something like this is one of the few moments when he can live up to being Harry’s godfather. It’s actually kind of sad.
Andrew: It is. He’s making up for lost time. And the one spot in this scene that really resonated with me was when Hermione said in a worried voice, “He shouldn’t have come with us,” and then Ron replied, “Oh, lighten up. He hasn’t seen daylight for months, poor bloke.” And then I just started thinking ahead to what happens with Sirius at the end of the book, and it makes me feel happy that Sirius did break Dumbledore’s orders and go anyway. It’s kind of a reminder, live life to the fullest, that kind of thing. You never know what’s going to happen. Tomorrow’s never promised, so YOLO and live like there’s no tomorrow.
Eric: Yeah, because there isn’t for Sirius. Well, it’s also possible he’s making amends for the previous chapter, when he was maybe giving Harry the silent treatment because he couldn’t handle his own emotions after the trial. So it’s a little bit late to try and make your godson laugh; the time for that was just a day ago. But nevertheless, it’s sad and it’s beautiful and it’s tragic.
Andrew: It is in character for Sirius to break the rules and go anyway, but I also think that this scene was written in so that Sirius got one fun experience with his godson before he passed away.
Eric: It works on two levels, yeah. The stakes couldn’t be higher, and we’re reminded of that. The danger that comes from their going to the train station has nothing to do with danger against Harry and everything to do with danger against Sirius, so it’s clever how it’s still dangerous, just not for who we think it is.
Micah: I tend to agree with all of you, but I do think the one thing for Sirius is that he makes a show of it, even…
Andrew: That’s a dog, though. That’s some dog.
Eric: It’s a dog!
Micah: Right, there are people who are noticing his presence, and…
Eric: Well, he does chase the train. That’s a bit much.
Andrew: That was cute.
Eric: It’s cute, but… no.
[Andrew laughs]
Micah: He goes up on his hind legs and puts his paws on Harry’s chest. There are things that draw attention to him, and Molly even calls him by name, which I thought was really stupid.
Eric: That’s dumb.
Andrew: That was dumb, yeah.
Eric: Way to keep up the ruse, lady.
[Andrew and Micah laugh]
Laura: Seriously.
Micah: But Eric, what you were alluding to is that Malfoy, later on in this chapter, says to Harry, after having gone through the whole prefect conversation, “I’ll be dogging your footsteps in case you step out of line,” and both Harry and Hermione pick up on this, and it’s clear that Draco is very much aware that Sirius was at King’s Cross Station.
Andrew: And what really confirmed it for me that Draco knew it was him was that “dogging” was in italics. He said, “I’ll be dogging your footsteps.”
Eric: Emphasis. “I’ll be dogging.”
Andrew: It wasn’t a coincidence; it was very intentional.
Micah: And let’s not forget, though, that Peter Pettigrew, who has now aligned himself with Voldemort and the Death Eaters, knows that Sirius is an Animagus, and this has just confirmed… this whole situation has probably confirmed for the Death Eaters that Sirius is in league with the Order, that they’re working together in some capacity, and so this does really lead to his untimely demise later on in this book. Spoiler alert.
Eric: But Andrew says, “YOLO.”
Andrew: [laughs] YOLO!
Laura: Isn’t it eventually revealed that Lucius recognized Sirius at the platform?
Micah: I believe so.
Laura: Yeah, so he…
Eric: It makes Kingsley’s job harder because that gets to the Ministry real quick, too.
Micah: Well, Sirius is not the only one who is in trouble; we need to go and try and find Sturgis Podmore, so we will be back in just a few moments right after this ad break, and hopefully we can locate him.
[Ad break]
Eric: No, he’s not under there. He’s not there. Damn it, this is the second time this week.
Micah: Did we find him?
[Andrew laughs]
Eric: No! Second time this week.
Andrew: Oh, I found him under a Home Chef ad.
[Laura and Micah laugh]
Eric: Oh, there he is!
Micah: This is one of you’ll blink and miss it type of moments, but Moody notes at King’s Cross that Sturgis has not turned up now twice. I think we should be kind of concerned for him.
Andrew: Yeah, given all that’s going on right now, and this guy is disappearing twice now, like you said. We later find out that he had been Imperiused by Lucius, and it’s surprising for somebody like Moody to not be more hesitant and think through what could be going on with it.
Micah: He’s too busy with TSA PreCheck.
[Everyone laughs]
Andrew: Take care of a dog running around.
Eric: Yeah, yeah. It’s kind of interesting, because you can’t run a resistance group with all this absenteeism, right?
Andrew: Right, people gotta show up. [laughs]
Eric: You have to put a clamp down on that. Treat every missed appointment as suspicious.
Micah: Mundungus is different because of who he is, but for somebody like Sturgis, I would legitimately be concerned.
Eric: It’s a red flag.
Andrew: Yes. Yeah, major red flag. I think the most interesting part about this is that Moody himself doesn’t seem to be more worried about it, but maybe he is and the other members of the Order are, but they don’t want to worry the kids.
Micah: All right, so we make our way onto the Hogwarts Express. Choo-choo.
Andrew: Choo-choo.
Micah: And Ron and Hermione have to go and dip off to the prefect carriage. And I don’t know that we’ve ever discussed this on the show, but what do we imagine this carriage to be like? Is it similar to the prefects’ bathroom?
Eric: Oooh.
Andrew: You thought the trolley lady’s trolley was good on the Hogwarts Express? Wait till you see the one they’ve got in the prefects’ cabin on the Hogwarts Express. Triple everything.
Eric: It’s like Wonka’s factory, just on a train car.
Andrew and Laura: Yeah.
Laura: They’ve got chocolate fountains in there.
Eric: There’s a chocolate river on the train.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Don’t ask how it works; it’s just there. Yeah, I mean, it’s interesting because what purpose could this solve? It’s bad enough that Harry knows they’re going to be meeting throughout the year, but they have this even before start of term meeting on the train ride to the school. It’s like, you can’t even wind down. It’s lucky that Ron and Hermione and Harry were all together the last week or two, because otherwise they wouldn’t even have their traditional get-together beforehand. They’d have to go straight to do duty. This is unpaid labor.
Andrew: This tees up yet another reminder that Harry is very isolated, and throughout this book. I mean, this is going to happen again by the end of this chapter, where he is very isolated.
Micah: It’s a great point. And do we think Dumbledore should have considered this, that by making Ron and Hermione prefects, it’s going to continually isolate Harry at important moments throughout his fifth year? He’s just not going to be able to spend time with them. He notes, in fact, that this is the first time he hasn’t traveled to Hogwarts with Ron.
Andrew: Yeah, it’s really sad. And then his buddy, who he can always count on at the station at Hogwarts, isn’t here either. It’s terrible.
Eric: I mean, Harry could get a third friend.
Andrew: [laughs] That’s a good idea. He should go on Bumble BFF and find a new friend.
Eric: No, just… but yeah, it’s a bummer. Ron and Hermione have this thing to do for a little while, but…
Andrew: Well, we’ve been talking about this in recent weeks. They are the trio. They are the trio, and they’re being broken up. And I’m not saying Dumbledore shouldn’t have made Ron and Hermione prefects, but I can see why Harry is feeling pangs of sadness about this, about losing his people.
Eric and Laura: Yeah.
Laura: I mean, I just kind of feel like it’s okay that Harry feels that way, but it’s also okay that Ron and Hermione are doing their own thing. I don’t know, I feel like we should be able to hold both. And in the end, I mean, Ron and Hermione do end up coming to the compartment that they’re in, so it’s not as though Harry doesn’t get to ride to Hogwarts with his friends at all.
Andrew: That’s true.
Eric: Come on, Harry. The plot needs to happen. You can’t have your safety blanket of friends every time.
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Andrew: Well, and also, we learn around this area that Draco is a prefect…
Eric: Ugh.
Andrew: … and it got me wondering, did Dumbledore purposely make Draco a prefect so that Draco and Harry could maybe feud a little more to build some character for Harry?
[Eric laughs]
Andrew: Because of course Draco was going to tease Harry for not being chosen as a prefect. The moment Dumbledore selected Draco, he knew that would happen.
Eric: Right. This is bad. You should not reward bad behavior the way that Dumbledore clearly is doing here. He had to have known what this would cause. To me, it’s not that he wants the feud, but it’s that Harry is just like, “Yeah, this was inevitable,” what he would say. The only thing I come back to is that it’s speculated that Draco is academically very high up there, comparative to Hermione in Gryffindor. We never see it; we never see him study, but there’s enough evidence in the text to suggest Draco is actually a good student, so maybe he became prefect on merit, but it should be a academic consideration and a personal/personality type consideration. He would pass one, but he would absolutely fail the other.
Laura: I agree. There was part of me… well, I’ll back up for a second here. I imagine that what happens with these is that the Heads of House are the ones who make the nominations, and then Dumbledore signs off on them…
Eric: That’s interesting.
Laura: … and potentially pushes back and says, “Eh, no, Minerva, it can’t be Harry this year. Just trust me,” and says, “We’ll just do Ron Weasley instead.” But part of me also wonders if making Draco a prefect is part of Dumbledore being the ultimate chess master, because I think Dumbledore knows that Lucius Malfoy is obviously still an unrepentant Death Eater who is working to destabilize wizarding society so that Voldemort can fully come back. I think he also knows that putting Draco in a position of authority would set him on the path towards having to make the choice that we ultimately see Draco have to make in the next book. Draco has to learn the lesson that when confronted with horrific abuses of power and authority, he doesn’t actually have the stomach for it, so I wonder if this is Dumbledore testing Draco.
Eric: Fascinating.
Andrew: I think that’s right, and I think Dumbledore might also be willing to sign off on Draco, to throw Lucius a bone.
Laura: True.
Andrew: After what just happened at the Ministry, we know Lucius is heated right now; Fudge is heated. By promoting Draco to prefect, Lucius might put a little less heat on Hogwarts.
Eric: I like that a lot, because Draco would never shut up about it if he wasn’t made prefect over some rando.
Andrew: Oh, and if Harry got it but Draco didn’t? Forget about it. Or if Ron got it and Draco didn’t?
[Eric and Laura laugh]
Eric: Well, that’s the thing. I love Laura’s idea that the Heads of House actually make the selection and Dumbledore signs off, but I can’t see McGonagall snubbing Dean or Seamus in favor of Ron.
Laura: Yeah. I don’t feel like I get enough of… I don’t know that I get enough in the books to know how McGonagall feels about the other students. I don’t think we see enough time between her and Dean, her and Seamus.
Micah: Agreed.
Eric: Well, I just… every time she’s with Ron, I don’t think it’s a altogether pleasant experience. [laughs]
Laura: Fair.
Eric: He’s cracking a joke, doing something he shouldn’t do… something tells me that wasn’t her call.
Laura: Yeah, I can agree with that. I could totally see Dumbledore putting his finger on the scale there.
Micah: You don’t like prefects at all, do you, Eric?
Eric: Well, hang on. They’re good people. Some.
Micah: You don’t like the concept.
Eric: Yeah, the concept is interesting to me. Obviously, it’s foreign; it’s a relic of the British boarding school system, which probably goes back hundreds of years. But why would you have this group of students that are patrolling corridors in and out of their school work, and why wouldn’t you just hire proper wizards to do it?
Andrew: Because it’s a good experience for the kids, a good leadership role.
Eric: But is it? Because I think Moody tells Ron that prefects get unfairly targeted and he should brush up on his defensive spells. You’re just putting a target on these kids’ back; they have enough to deal with. I don’t know. Something that came up in this chapter while I was thinking about it is, “Oh, this is free, unpaid labor for Hogwarts, getting the prefects to do all these duties.”
Laura: Yeah, but I mean, I feel like even in US public school settings, there are oftentimes opportunities for peer leadership made available to people. It may not be like a prefect situation. The closest thing I can think of to that is a hall monitor. [laughs]
Eric: But aren’t those usually substitute teachers on their off hour?
Laura: Not necessarily.
Andrew: No, it could be kids.
Laura: Yeah. I mean, I was on my school safety patrol when I was in fourth grade, so I used to hold the flags out at the crossing so that kids could cross the street safely.
Andrew: Aww.
Eric: I have a new MuggleCast merch store idea.
[Everyone laughs]
Andrew: Oh, we do have Laura’s pants now; I keep forgetting to mention that.
Eric: Oh my God. Okay.
Andrew: Yeah. Justin is mentioning that his kids’ elementary school has safety kids. It’s good responsibility, he thinks. I was a peer mediator in fourth or fifth grade.
Laura: [gasps] Oh my God.
Andrew: That was unpaid labor. I’m basically helping kids resolve their problems, their playground problems.
Eric: Look, there’s something to be said…
Andrew: And look at me now! I’m a moderator on a podcast, peer mediating.
Eric: Aww, and you do a good job helping us with our emotions.
Andrew: Yeah, that peer mediator gig taught me everything I know. [laughs] RAs, right? That’s another good example.
Micah: RAs, yeah. I was going to bring that up.
Laura: They get paid, though.
Micah: Yeah, they get probably a good stipend, if not free room and board.
Eric: I don’t know; I just feel like the prefects shouldn’t be the only ones in the corridor. There are clearly moments…
Micah: There are professors. There’s Filch.
Andrew: Yeah, they’re walking around. Mrs. Norris.
Eric: Eh, Filch. Yeah, yeah.
Micah: Peeves. Anyway, let’s all take a breath of fresh air, because we’re about to be introduced to one of the most iconic and beloved characters in all of Harry Potter.
Andrew: [imitating Luna] Everybody put on your Luna voices.
Micah: I have a hot take, because I think that this will be one of if not the hardest role for the new TV show to recast.
Laura: Yep.
Andrew: Yeah, Evanna Lynch really embodied the role of Luna. She is Luna. And yes, it will be very difficult to replace her.
Eric: I think the way to do it and make it honoring what was, what came before, and to do it in a new way while still being faithful, is to actually make her a little rougher around the edges. This chapter, it can become difficult to read because of the ways in which Luna just says… she confronts Ron about going to the Yule Ball and Padma not having a good time, just kind of that weird comment out of left field that no one knows how to react to. To really lean into that kind of edge of the character, I think, might be really interesting to see, because I had long forgotten, having not read this chapter recently, that it’s a little less palatable than in the film.
Laura: Yeah, I do feel like in the movies… and I mean, Evanna, her portrayal of Luna was perfect, and I wouldn’t change anything about it.
Eric: Agreed.
Laura: But I do think that the way the character was written in the movies softened some of that and really leaned more into the quirky side of Luna. But we actually see in this chapter, she has a couple of outbursts that are not necessarily contextually appropriate, and to your point, Eric, it catches everyone off-guard. I mean, think about the overreaction, I would call it, to Ron’s passing comment about Crabbe and Goyle. Like, yeah, it was funny. Was it laugh out loud, hysterically crying, clutching your stomach funny? Clearly it wasn’t for everyone else in the cabin.
Eric: Ron has to ask her, “Are you making fun of me? Are you taking the mickey?”
Laura: Yeah, and she’s not, no.
Eric: And these are also all reasons why we love Luna that were not adapted. Who among us has not laughed a little longer than you should have at least once? And I do it maybe once a week. But these are other elements that they can pull. If they’re looking for things to adapt or a take on the character that’ll be slightly different, lean into that discomfort, because at this point you’ll have five seasons of the TV show or four seasons of the TV show before you. You’ll have a firm ground to really have a character like this that shakes the norm, whatever the established norm is at the time. That’s why I think you couldn’t do that in the movie, because the movies have to have a certain seamlessness and a certain… basically meeting the character of Luna in this book drags the energy down or into a new place that is exciting and fun to be in, but does not lend itself to a two-hour movie.
Micah: I think that’s the whole point of Luna, though – you just said it, Eric – is to challenge the norm. When you think about what we’ve been introduced to over the first couple of chapters of this book, meeting Luna is actually quite refreshing as a reader, because she’s not filtered. She is unapologetically herself. And I think there’s something that most of us can connect with about who she is and the personality that she demonstrates. But I was wondering, Laura, would you mind reading the initial description we get of Luna?
Laura: Sure. “The girl gave off an aura of distinct dottiness. Perhaps it was the fact that she had stuck her wand behind her left ear for safekeeping, or that she had chosen to wear a necklace of butterbeer caps, or that she was reading a magazine upside down.”
Andrew: I would love that necklace with butterbeer caps. That sounds pretty cool; I’m surprised they haven’t made that yet. But on the reading a magazine upside down part – I looked into this because I had forgotten – she was reading it upside down because she was reading runes, and it caused the reader to look at the magazine upside down.
Laura: Right.
Andrew: But when you read that line, you really do get the impression that something is very off about her. I mean, why would you read something upside down? And everybody who’s looking at you knows you are reading something upside down and thinking, “That’s an oddball.” But this, of course, all is set up for the end of the chapter where Harry and Luna actually have something in common. “I have something in common with this weirdo who’s reading a magazine upside down and is laughing at jokes for too long and doesn’t seem to fit in? She can see these Thestrals as well?” A theme of this chapter is Harry is more isolated than ever, but he does have a connection with this new girl.
Eric and Micah: Yeah.
Micah: So with this description, not many people want to sit with Luna, but Harry, Neville, Ginny, they need a place to sit and this is really the only spot that is seemingly available. But I was curious: For us growing up, did we ever do something like this as kids? Or were we ever in the position where we were the one that was getting passed over because nobody wanted to sit with us?
Andrew: Oh, yeah.
Eric: Lunch tables, specifically.
Andrew: Lunch table first and foremost. I was never at the cool kid table. I was at the loser table!
[Micah laughs]
Andrew: I’m not kidding.
Eric: No, me too.
Micah: You’re not at the loser table now, Andrew.
[Andrew laughs]
Laura: Yeah, look at you now.
Andrew: What are you talking about?
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: There always were those kids whose reputation precedes them. The way that Ginny takes one look in and is like, “Oh, Loony Lovegood is in here.” It’s a fact of life, I want to say. I have no emotion toward it, of “It needs to be this way,” but I’m saying we’ve all experienced that in growing up. Kids would talk about other kids in the way that we’re experiencing.
Laura: Yeah, and I think because even here we see Ginny… she’s not being malicious towards Luna, at least not intentionally. She says, “Oh, that’s just Loony Lovegood. She’s okay. What are you worried about?” So at the same time that she’s saying, “Oh, there’s no problem, we can totally sit with her, she’s fine,” she’s also acknowledging, “Yeah, she is kind of a weirdo, but she’s not going to hurt anybody. But yeah, I can relate to this from that point in time. I was also not a cool kid, but unfortunately, kids are mean, and if there was ever someone who was maybe more of an outcast than you perceived yourself to be, I would definitely not intentionally avoid things, but I might not sit next to that person. I feel bad saying that now, but it’s just a reality about what it is to be that age.
Eric: Social hierarchy. You see it with Neville in this chapter. Nobody wants to be there less than Neville, and it’s because he is a bullied individual, and if you are seated next to another separate bullied individual and the sharks come by…
Micah: Which they do.
Eric: Neville is having, yeah, a full-blown panic attack because he’s in here with Luna, and it’s not that he has anything against Luna – as we see, they get along great over the years – but it’s that fear of the social hierarchy and the fact that they’re both at the same low end of it.
Micah: I wanted to ask, does Ginny get a bit of a pass, though, to referring to her as Loony Lovegood? Because she’s one of the only people that we really see up until this point making friends with someone that’s not in their own House.
Eric: [laughs] There is that.
Micah: And they seem to get along relatively well.
Andrew: Yeah, it could be a endearing nickname for Luna. I mean, Ginny doesn’t seem to have any issues with her, so I think it could be a name that maybe she likes.
Eric: Yeah. I don’t think she would have chosen it for herself, but I think she is accepting enough of it. The thing that redeems Ginny immediately for me is that she sits down and actually takes an interest and asks Luna follow-up questions, so it’s not just “Can we have this seat?”; it’s “How was your summer?” etc., etc. This shows that Ginny actually cares about Luna, because they could have just said… and who hasn’t seen this happen? “Can we sit here?” Somebody else has a group, there’s all this extra space, but then they continue to exclude you after they sit down and they’re just talking in and of themselves. Ginny prevents that from happening by bringing Luna into the conversation to the point where she stays so through the rest of the ride.
Laura: Yeah, and I think this is the one and only time we see Ginny do this, right?
Eric: I think so.
Laura: I don’t think Ginny ever does it again.
Eric: Yeah, she’s barely in the books.
[Everyone laughs]
Laura: Fair enough, fair enough. But yeah, I mean, I like to think that Ginny matured.
Micah: Well, continuing the theme of connecting the threads, much like Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry finds himself in a carriage with a new character that will be integral to the plot of this book, and their names start with the same letters; at least their last names do.
Eric: Oh my God.
[Andrew laughs]
Micah: What are the chances? But before we continue on with the rest of this journey to Hogwarts, we do need to take a quick break, so we will be right back.
[Ad break]
Andrew: Update: still no Sturgis Podmore found. He wasn’t under the Casper Mattress ad either.
[Everyone laughs]
Micah: Well, what better way to come back from break than to have a foreshadow alert?
[Foreshadowing sound effect plays]
Micah: So when Ron and Hermione show up to the carriage, finally, we now have in this carriage all the members of Dumbledore’s Army that will accompany Harry to the Ministry later on in this book. So for as crazy as this whole situation started, people not wanting to sit next to each other, this is the core group moving forward.
Eric: See, it’s so important. Who you sit with on the train really does matter. And Dumbledore has the prefects having to go to their own little meeting. I can’t believe it.
Andrew: [laughs] No, that is a cool foreshadowing alert, Micah, because this is an unlikely band of heroes who will be coming together for the greater good.
Micah: It definitely is. Hermione, though, is not without her opinions of The Quibbler. She says that… and out loud, at that; in front of Luna…
Andrew: [laughs] She’s busy reading. She’s not listening.
Micah: … that The Quibbler is “rubbish, everyone knows that.”
Eric: Ugh.
Micah: And Hermione definitely gets embarrassed when Luna says that her father is the editor, but Hermione is also going to come to eat this comment later on in this book, because it is The Quibbler that ultimately is going to tell Harry’s story.
Andrew: Yeah. Pretty awesome.
Eric: It’s really a life lesson that there’s value in things that you don’t see at surface level. Check your own ignorance, I guess. And as times change, I think even Hermione comes to appreciate The Quibbler, so there’s that.
Andrew: Well, and Micah, Hermione has reasons to be skeptical, right? The material that’s in this publication?
Micah: She does, but I think it’s also interesting for somebody like Hermione, who has started to question the Ministry, to not be a little bit more open to a paper like The Quibbler. But in fairness, yes, there are some pretty striking headlines that we learn about in this chapter. [laughs] But I did want to say that even in questionable publications like The Quibbler, there can still be nuggets of truth or valuable information of what’s going on in the world, and the two examples that I pulled out were Cornelius “Goblin-Crusher” Fudge…
Andrew: [in an intense voice] “Goblin-Crusher.”
Micah: … this whole story about Fudge’s vendetta against the goblins. But I think the larger message here is that Fudge is corrupt.
Laura: Right.
Micah: That’s what Xenophilius Lovegood, or whomever wrote this story, is trying to get at. And then the other story was talking about how Sirius was, in fact, this wizard musician, Stubby Boardman, and so he couldn’t possibly have committed the crimes that he was accused of because he was with this woman the night of the incident.
Andrew: Sirius. Well, and that ends up being right, that Sirius didn’t commit the crime.
Laura and Micah: Right.
Micah: So that’s what I was getting at, that maybe they’re throwing out there that Sirius could be innocent. So there’s little bits of truth to… even though the stories are so exaggerated, that maybe Xenophilius Lovegood isn’t as far out there as people think he is.
Andrew: Yes, and I think this is representative of tabloids generally. While the details of a story might not be 100% true, there’s kernels of truth. You think about you go to the food store; you see the tabloids there. It’s always the cheating stuff. “So-and-so’s cheating on this person and that person,” and maybe it’s not entirely true, but you might also remember, “Oh yeah, there were reports that that relationship was falling apart from more reputable sources.” So some of these stories tend to be born out of real information, and that’s what we’re seeing with The Quibbler.
Eric: Yeah, and Hermione is so establishment that she hasn’t yet seen what the alternative is, but there needs to be an alternative to the Daily Prophet that we know Fudge and the Ministry are leaning on. There needs to be an alternative that is equally… that at least takes itself seriously. And I would wager that at this point, The Quibbler is doing its own thing for its own readership. I also think that Harry’s interview, which will eventually be published in The Quibbler, really is the credibility that the paper needs that it has lacked.
Micah: It is. What I find so interesting about that, though, is that Hermione is willing to read between the lines in the Daily Prophet, but she’s not necessarily willing to do that with a paper like The Quibbler, at least not yet.
Eric: Yeah, there’s no guarantee that Xeno is actually getting his reports from anybody.
Laura: Yeah. This is also just another example of Hermione putting her foot in her mouth sometimes. I mean, read the room; if someone in the room that you’re in is reading a magazine, it is probably not the appropriate time for you to say, “Yeah, that magazine sucks.”
[Andrew laughs]
Eric: “Everyone knows that it’s awful.”
Laura: Why are you being such a jerk?
Andrew: It’s her know-it-all ego. It gets in the way sometimes.
Laura: Right.
Eric: She just came from her prefect meeting; she’s feeling mighty good about herself, mighty opinionated.
Andrew: Yeah, LegalizeGillyweed, I think it was, said earlier, “There’s probably an open bar in that prefect car carriage.”
[Eric laughs]
Laura: Oh, got some liquid courage.
Andrew: Yeah. Feeling a little loose.
Eric: Oh my God.
Micah: Yeah. I agree with that, the fact that Hermione doesn’t read the room. It doesn’t even matter that Luna’s father is the editor; take that out of the equation. She should still be aware enough that somebody in this carriage is clearly interested in what The Quibbler has to say, and she should be a little bit more… she’s a prefect; she should be kind to everybody.
Andrew: She should be happy that somebody’s reading a newspaper, no matter what her own opinion is of The Quibbler.
Micah: I know.
Eric: Somebody’s reading! [laughs]
Andrew: Yeah, reading!
Micah: You know why? It’s because Luna is in Ravenclaw, and that’s secretly where Hermione wants to be.
Andrew: Aww, you would say that.
Laura: She’s so jelly.
Micah: That’s the smart people House.
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Micah: Well, we finally make our way to Hogsmeade, and Harry has a hell of an experience once he gets off the train. [laughs] He is just… initially, he’s like a kid who lost his parents in an airport or at a train station, because he just can’t find anybody. He loses Luna at one point. He loses, obviously, Ron and Hermione. But most of all – Andrew, you mentioned this earlier – Hagrid is not there. And the customs that we’ve come to love about arriving to Hogwarts, Hagrid is always there. And this starts to worry Harry; this just adds to his overall anxiety.
Andrew: Oh, yeah. Like I’ve been saying, this theme of isolation just continues in this chapter. Ron and Hermione separate from him, however briefly, for prefect duty, and then Harry is counting on seeing Hagrid at the station and he’s not there, and then he’s connecting with this new person who he finds odd. It’s just a whole new world for Harry. He loved, as I’m sure all of us would, arriving on the Hogwarts grounds and seeing and hearing Hagrid going, “First years, this way.” That’s a tradition for him at this point, and he doesn’t get it this year.
Eric: Yeah, it’s home. As a new first year, you wouldn’t want some woman named Grubbly-Plank taking you across the lake who you’re never going to see again, because she only comes up…
Micah: [in a harsh voice] “Come here, kids.”
[Everyone laughs]
Andrew: “Let me get my grubby hands on ya.”
Laura: Aw, no. I’m think we’re selling her short. She’s great.
Andrew: [laughs] She seems quite pleasant.
Eric: I think she’s actually great, yeah. But the book doesn’t do any favors for Grubbly-Plank, I think, the fact that…
Micah: No.
Eric: Because she’s always in such opposition to Hagrid. Harry speaks out of turn, walks straight up to her, “Where’s Hagrid?” That’s got to be annoying, honestly, if you’re Grubbly-Plank.
Andrew: It’s got to hurt.
Eric: Yeah, “Let me do this on my own merits. It’s not my business to answer your question now; take it up with the headmaster. Oh, wait, he won’t talk to you. Oops.”
[Micah laughs]
Eric: I don’t know.
Micah: Well, not only is Hagrid missing, but Harry has quite the encounter with these new creatures that are pulling the carriages that are taking everyone who’s not a first year to Hogwarts, and I think why this is overly concerning is because Harry has a history of hearing and seeing things that other people can’t, so this probably doesn’t make him feel that great. And on top of that, Luna is the one to come along and reassure him that he’s just as sane as she is. And these things, by the way, that are pulling the carriages are not appetizing or cute. They are some of the most unappealing creatures, at least initially, that we have come across in this series. “They were completely fleshless, their black coats clinging to their skeletons, of which every bone was visible. Their heads were dragonish, and their pupil-less eyes white and staring. Wings sprouted from each wither – vast, black leathery wings that looked as though they ought to belong to giant bats.” Welcome back, kids.
[Laura laughs]
Andrew: Well, nobody can see them.
Eric: They actually made them more appealing… yeah, you’re lucky statistically, only a few kids will be freaked the hell out right now. But yeah, they actually made them more appealing in the film.
Micah: No, they definitely did. Well, and I was even thinking about Hogwarts Legacy, trying to capture them? That was a pain in the ass. [laughs]
Laura: Yeah. Oh, well, the baby ones were cute in Hogwarts Legacy.
Eric: They’re adorable.
Micah: Harry notes that they looked “eerie and sinister,” and to this I say, don’t judge a book by its cover, which also applies to Hermione and The Quibbler.
Eric: He’s going to be grateful that he can see them, given that several of these people have to ride on them at the end of the book and they can’t see them. [laughs]
Andrew: Yeah, I would rather see these ugly things than not, if I’m going to be riding on them.
Eric: It’s just that they’re reliable. Harry himself understands how reliable they are at the end of this book, and so that… like we were talking about earlier, coming around on and gaining a wider view of the world is a continuing narrative.
Micah: So I think that really wraps up the chapter. And I did just want to bring up, because I thought one of the more striking moments at the end of this chapter with the Thestrals was when Harry literally takes Ron’s head and puts it face-to-face with the Thestral, and he just doesn’t react at all. So I think that further complicates what Harry is feeling in this moment, that his best friend literally cannot see what he’s talking about.
Eric: Yeah, he feels isolated. He feels crazy.
Laura: Yeah, and mind you, this is on the heels of a school year where gossip columns were being written about him having fainting spells. I mean, it’s two years after everything happened with the Dementors, so he was already carrying that baggage, and he’s recently come to recognize that the Daily Prophet is now telling everyone that he’s crazy, so this is probably really disconcerting to him. He has to actually probably be wondering in this moment, “Am I crazy?”
Eric: Right.
Andrew: Yeah, yeah. That’s why he’s treating Ron this way. “Look at them! Don’t you see them?!”
Eric: But see, Luna is offering comfort.
Micah: Crazy, what better way to end this chapter and our Chapter by Chapter discussion for 2024.
Eric: [singing] Crazy for feeling… there you go.
Odds & Ends
Micah: Couple of odds and ends: We do get prefects for the other Houses. We mentioned Draco earlier for Slytherin, but Pansy Parkinson was also named prefect. Then in Ravenclaw, we have Anthony Goldstein and Padma Patil, and for Hufflepuff, Ernie Macmillan and Hannah Abbott. So at least names that we’re generally familiar with.
Laura: Right.
Micah: With the exception of Slytherin, not extremely well-known characters, but it’s nice that they included that. And then the one other thing I wanted to call out was that Harry gets caught in a less than flattering situation by the girl he’s crushing on, Cho Chang, after Neville’s Mimbulus Mimbletonia explodes all over the carriage.
[Andrew laughs]
Superlative of the Week
Micah: So I thought we could have a little bit of fun this week. We got a really good nickname for Cornelius Fudge thanks to Xenophilius Lovegood; as mentioned, he was known in The Quibbler as Cornelius “Goblin-Crusher” Fudge. So I thought each of us could come up with our best Cornelius Fudge nickname.
Andrew: In light of what we learn about Fudge in The Quibbler, I think his nickname should be the Elimi-Baker.
[Laura and Micah laugh]
Laura: That’s good. That’s clever.
Eric: I didn’t have as great a one as some of the rest of us, so I just said Cornelius “Head-Up-His-Arse” Fudge.
Andrew: Well, that’s just mean.
[Micah laughs]
Laura: I mean, it fits.
Eric: No, it’s just accurate.
Laura: I said Motherfudger.
Micah: I like that.
[Eric laughs]
Andrew: That’s probably the winner.
Micah: Yep. I went with the Fudgerator, because he’s literally full of you-know-what.
Laura: Yeah, that’s very good too.
Eric: I like the Fudgerator.
Laura: [laughs] Sounds like a movie.
Eric: It sounds like a home appliance.
Lynx Line
Micah: And we did ask over on the Lynx Line, which is one of our Slug Club level Patreon benefits, for our Slug Club members to answer this week’s Lynx Line question, which was come up with some of the best Quibbler headlines. Honestly, we got a good amount, but outside of Jennifer, Justin just went to town. I mean, he just had a field day with this.
[Eric laughs]
Andrew: This one from Justin says,
“TIME-TURNER REINVENTED? ECCENTRIC WIZARD CLAIMS TO HAVE ‘CRACKED TIME.’ Despite the Ministry’s insistence that all Time-Turners were destroyed after the Battle of the Department of Mysteries, Cedric Cogspire, cousin of Death Eater Theodore Nott, Sr., claims to have successfully crafted a fully functional Time-Turner in his basement workshop. The Ministry of Magic has dismissed his claims as ‘nonsensical,’ warning that unauthorized time travel experiments are illegal and ‘extremely dangerous.’ However, neighbors reported seeing a team of Aurors arriving at Cogspire’s home under the cover of darkness, leaving with several crates. When questioned, the Ministry refused to comment, saying, ‘If we had something to share, we would, wouldn’t we? Now get out of my way.'”
Laura: That’s very good.
Eric: So Jennifer, on our Lynx Line, posted,
“DOLORES UMBRIDGE – EVIL OR JUST MISUNDERSTOOD?”
What is this, New York Times?
[Laura laughs]
Eric: “During the years, the educational standards had been a little shady at Hogwarts. When Dolores Umbridge took on the task to help improve the educational standards to increase the number of OWLs and NEWTs that students are receiving. It takes time for these changes to be implemented and work. There will always be pushback. Dolores was working alongside the Minister of Magic to make the subjects studied more uniform and tailored to the students. She’s just a misunderstood cat-loving witch that just wants to help! We reached out to Dolores for comment but she declared that she was too busy with her seven cats to comment.”
Micah: Justin also weighed in with,
“RUNAWAY FUDGE IN TRANSYLVANIA? After years out of the public eye, Cornelius ‘Runaway’ Fudge was reportedly spotted in a remote village in Transylvania. When approached and asked directly, ‘Are you Cornelius Fudge?’, he allegedly replied, ‘Absolutely not! My name is Cornelius Figgleworth, and I was never Minister when Voldemort came back. That was somebody else entirely,’ before fleeing into a nearby forest.”
Eric: See, that’s the appropriate amount of shame that we one day hope that Cornelius Oswald Fudge has.
[Micah laughs]
Laura: We have another one from Justin here.
“CONFETTI OR CURSE? WAS YOU-KNOW-WHO’S DEATH AN ILLUSION? ‘You expect me to believe the Dark Lord just… exploded like a party cracker? Sounds like a Ministry cover-up, if you ask me,’ says Felix Naysay, Quibbler contributor. ‘He’s dead. Very dead. I threw his body into the broom closet myself. The only thing haunting us now is bureaucracy… and my post-battle paperwork,’ says Kingsley Shacklebolt, Minister of Magic.”
Eric: [laughs] Oh, man.
Laura: I love these. I love Felix Naysay. [laughs]
Eric: Yeah, that’s super clever. My favorite one might be the next one.
Andrew: “‘YOU’VE SUCKED THE LIFE OUT OF US!’ Dementors sue Ministry of Magic.”
[Laura laughs]
Andrew: “The group claims that due to the new policy of using Aurors to guard Azkaban, their birth rates have dwindled and their species is now on the brink of extinction. They have been forced to scavenge on the street for nourishment and survival. ‘I don’t think we should have taken jobs away from hard-working Dementors,’ says Mrs. Bleakstone, who recently started to suffer from depression, causing her to lose her job and then her home.”
[Eric and Micah laugh]
Andrew: So yeah, we gave listeners a unique challenge this week, and we had two people sit down and put pen to paper.
Laura: Hey, they rose to the occasion. Good job.
Andrew: They did.
Eric: It’s a hard thing to do.
Laura: Justin and Jennifer, great job.
Andrew: Well, listeners, if you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. Also, a little programming note: Next week we will have Quizzitch Live, which by the time you’re hearing this will have already been hosted, so we can’t invite you to attend live, but we hope you enjoy this Harry Potter trivia edition of MuggleCast, and that’ll be our final episode of the year, and then in the new year, Chapter by Chapter will resume.
Quizzitch
Andrew: Now it’s time for Quizzitch.
[Quizzitch music plays]
Eric: Yes, of course. This week’s question was what fountain gets the most money thrown into it per year in the real world? And the correct answer was Trevi Fountain, Trevi Fountain in Rome, which in 2022, by the way, collected about one and a half million American dollars in foreign currency. So that’s a lot of money for a fountain.
Laura: Wow.
Eric: I know, I know. I’ve been there; I’ve thrown my three coins in the fountain. So 63% of people apparently did not look that up to answer, and correct answers were submitted by Buff Daddy; Gallons of Galleons; How in the H.E. Double Hockeysticks would I have known this answer?; Lady K.; Neville sells Snargaluff pods because Hogwarts doesn’t pay enough; Patchy the Super Ninja; Ravenpuff from Sweden; Sadly Not an Educator at Hogwarts; “Siriusly Stubby: The Only Thing Darker Than My Past Is My Music”; Snitchwitch; Snot Salmon; THAT’S MY SON THAT’S MY BOY… oh, my heart. Tobias is my Patronus; and Watch Out, Watch Out, There’s a Niffler About. Okay, and here is next week’s – and next year’s – Quizzitch question: Inspired by The Quibbler, which UK tabloid, known for its sensationalist and therefore unreliable journalism, was founded in the year 1896 by a man who would later become First Viscount Northcliffe? Submit your answer to us on the MuggleCast website; that is MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or if you’re on the website, maybe checking out transcripts, must listens page, all that other stuff, just click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.
Andrew: Check out our other weekly podcasts, What the Hype?! and Millennial, for more pop culture and real world talk from the four of us. In the latest What the Hype?! we discuss our favorite reality TV shows, and over on Millennial, we’re talking about the holiday it gifts from when we were growing up. And these three shows are brought to you by Muggles like you; listener support is the only reason we’ve been able to podcast for 19 years and counting. Next year will be 20 years. There are several great ways to help us out: Visit MuggleCastMerch.com to get official MuggleCast shirts, hoodies, glassware, and hats, as well as – just added to the store – Laura’s pants!
[Laura laughs]
Micah: It’s going to sell out so fast.
Andrew: At least one person ordered tonight.
Laura: So I do… now that we are talking about this, I want to make an acknowledgement here, because it has been brought up by our UK listeners multiple times at this point…
Eric: Oh.
Laura: … apparently “pants” for them are underpants, whereas when we say “pants,” what we mean is trousers. So no, these are not underwear; these are joggers, and they just say “Laura’s pants” on them.
Eric: So now we need to do a version for our UK people that say “Laura’s trousers” down the side.
Laura: I don’t know if that’ll fit.
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Andrew: Well, I have them on the site as “Laura’s Pants pants,” so maybe we could call them “Laura’s Pants trousers” on the site.
[Laura laughs]
Eric: Oooh.
Andrew: So people fully understand what we’re talking about.
Eric: Anyway, they look great.
Laura: They do.
Eric: I’m excited to claim a pair.
Micah: Well, now I think we need to make boxers with mic bolts on it.
[Eric and Laura laugh]
Andrew: I don’t know if we need that.
Eric: New ideas in the new year.
Andrew: But Laura selected the pants herself. These are hand curated by Laura Tee.
[Eric laughs]
Laura: Yes, I picked the ones that looked the most optimal for Netflix and chilling, just general couch-rotting, hanging around at home, being super comfy cozy, because that’s what I like to do.
Andrew: Same. So that’s one way to support us, by buying Laura’s trousers.
[Laura laughs]
Andrew: And then Apple Podcasts subscribers can sign up for MuggleCast Gold, which gets you instant access to ad-free and early releases of MuggleCast plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month. And then for those benefits and more, you can pledge at Patreon.com/MuggleCast and you’ll get all the benefits of MuggleCast Gold, plus livestreams, yearly stickers, Lynx Line participation, a physical gift, a video message from one of the four of us, access to our Discord and Facebook groups… all kinds of things. Patreon.com/MuggleCast. Thank you to everybody who supports us as we enter our 20th year. Also, if you enjoy MuggleCast and think other Muggles would too, tell a friend about the show; we love making new Harry Potter friends. And leave a five star review in your favorite podcast app to help us spread the word. That does it for the penultimate episode of MuggleCast for 2024. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m… what is it? The Fudgerator.
Eric: Oh, I’m Cornelius “Head-Up-His-Arse” Fudge.
Micah: Well, Andrew stole mine, so I’m the Elimi-Baker.
[Andrew laughs]
Laura: And I don’t think I can call myself mine…
[Everyone laughs]
Laura: … so I will just say I’m the creator of Laura’s pants. [laughs]
Andrew: Well, those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, Laura, so maybe you owe Mr. Fudge an apology. [laughs]
Laura: Nah.
Andrew: Bye, everyone.
Eric, Laura, and Micah: Bye.