Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #689, A Case of the Mondays (OOTP Chapter 12, Professor Umbridge)
Show Intro
[Show music plays]
Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the Wizarding World fandom. I’m Andrew.
Eric Scull: I’m Eric.
Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.
Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.
Andrew: And crack open a bag of your favorite biscuits and pull up a comfy chair and a cup of tea, because this week we’re discussing Chapter 12 of Order of the Phoenix, “Professor Umbitch.” Bridge, sorry.
[Laura and Micah laugh]
Andrew: Umbridge. Apologies.
Eric: It’s all right, Andrew. I know you took a few weeks off; you’re a little…
Andrew: Off my Roker, yeah. Off my Al Roker.
Micah: The wrong show. We do not say those words on the show.
Andrew: [laughs] Okay, credit where credit’s due; I’ve heard Kierra Lewis on Instagram refer to her as “Umbitch” quite a bit, and I had to throw that in.
Eric: Okay, if Kierra Lewis says it, we can.
Andrew: [laughs] If it’s a word in the Harry Potter books, we can say it on the show. That’s my rule of thumb.
Eric: Ahh, that’s your go-to rule every time for that word.
Andrew: Well, before we get into this week’s chapter, since we are Flooing into a new decade for the show, we could really use your support while we go chapter by chapter through the books and as we cover any and all news concerning the Harry Potter TV show. It does start filming this summer. I got a text from my sister, by the way, this morning; she said, “How’s the Harry Potter TV show?” I said, “Girl, it’s filming this summer. We’ve still got some time to go, but check in in a couple years.”
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Eric: Oh, man.
Micah: You should have told her it’s great.
[Everyone laughs]
Micah: “Go to HBO Max…”
Eric: Oh, man.
Micah: And she’ll just keep sending you texts. “Andrew, what do you mean? I can’t find it. I keep searching for it.”
Eric: Yeah, tell her you’ve seen the whole first season but you’re sworn to secrecy.
Laura: I like how we’re encouraging Andrew to bully his sister.
[Andrew laughs]
Laura: What have we become?
Eric: No, no…
Andrew: Lie. Well, word is getting around about the TV show; that was my big takeaway.
Micah: Clearly she cares.
Andrew: Yes, yes. Doesn’t ask me how the show is – our show – just asks how the Harry Potter TV show is.
Eric: Oh.
Micah: Does she ask how you are?
Andrew: Um, sometimes. But anyway…
[Andrew and Micah laugh]
Laura: Well, there you go.
Eric: I do love those random… no, I get texts from my sister too. They’re always tangentially… she saw something about Harry Potter and wants to ask about it. “Okay, I am also well, thank you.”
Andrew: My sister did tell me, after she asked me this, that she is going to start reading Book 1 to her class – she’s a fifth grade teacher – later this year. Isn’t that sweet?
Laura: That’s so sweet.
Andrew: And that’s how I was introduced to Harry Potter, so it’s kind of a full circle moment.
Laura: That is.
Andrew: My fourth grade teacher, yeah.
Eric: Andrew, you should guest read. You should show up to read a special chapter.
Andrew: Oooh. I love that idea.
Laura: And the kids are going to be like, “Who are you?” [laughs]
Eric: No, I bet one of the fifth graders is going to be like, “Andrew Sims from MuggleCast?! I’ve wanted to meet you my whole life!”
Andrew: [laughs] I was going to say, I’ll promote the pod right there, and these kids will be like, “A, what’s a podcast? And B, why are you promoting it?”
Eric: “We need fresh listeners.”
Laura: Yeah. I don’t want to get your sister in trouble either, because we say the B word on this show sometimes.
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Eric: Oh, it’s true. Now we can’t do that.
Micah: I can see some full circle moments coming for Andrew with his nephews when the TV show comes out. I want to see pictures of you sitting there watching it with them.
Andrew: That would be sweet, yeah. Well, anyway, like I was saying, the Harry Potter TV show does start filming this summer. There’s going to be lots to talk about as casting continues, so stay tuned, everybody. Make sure you’re subscribed to MuggleCast anywhere you listen or watch, and like I said, we could really use your support, so visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast to support us financially, and you’ll enjoy instant access to lots of great benefits. One of those benefits is twice monthly bonus MuggleCast installments, where we have fun talking about different aspects of the Harry Potter fandom outside of Chapter by Chapter. And this week – by popular demand, we’re bringing this theme back – would you date a witch or wizard? Part two. Who are we, us four on the panel, going to invite out on a date in the wizarding world?
Eric: I can’t wait, Andrew, for you to reveal that you have very low self-esteem again, and that you’re looking forward to a relationship being all one-sided, and that you don’t have a high degree of confidence that it’ll work out. Just like the first time.
Andrew: [laughs] I’ve found somebody I can date in the wizarding world who I think has similarly low levels of confidence, who would want to date a Muggle like me.
Eric: Oh, I love that. You kept yourself a Muggle in this scenario? I think I did the bonus wrong, okay.
[Everyone laughs]
Andrew: Okay, we’ll work on that.
Micah: You can be a late bloomer, Eric. You’ll be a late bloomer.
Andrew: Yes.
Laura: Oh yeah, kind of like Hogwarts Legacy, where you’re just miraculously a fifth year. It’s just showing up. [laughs]
Andrew: Yeah, I liked that. I thought that was cool.
Laura: Oh yeah, for sure.
Eric: It was good.
Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner
Andrew: Well, anyway, now it’s time to dive into Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 12, “Professor Umbridge.” Eric, take us back in time first.
Eric: Okay, we last discussed this chapter in the first week of January of 2020 on MuggleCast 448, titled “Have a Biscuit.” Gee, I wonder why. And here is an audio clip where we’ll play two clips, because this was actually… this was an episode of many firsts.
[Ticking sound]
Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.
Ron: What the…?
[Bell dings]
[Whooshing sound]
Robotic voice: Episode 448.
Laura: It’s not as bad as reading this chapter for the first time, and from an American perspective, be like, “Why does McGonagall have biscuits in her office?”
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Was she just at KFC?
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Was she just at Bojangles? Was she just at Popeye’s? Yeah, that was what I was thinking.
Andrew: Oh my God, yeah. Embarrassingly, even reading this today, I’m not thinking about cookies. I’m thinking about KFC biscuits.
[Andrew and Eric laugh]
Eric: Southern style.
[Bell dings]
[Whooshing sound]
Andrew: Give some specific details; they deserve that because one of their fellow students died, and one way to cope with this is to know the truth so they can begin to move on. Because then all these students are probably wondering like, “Well, what did happen? And can that happen to me here at Hogwarts? This place that is a security nightmare?”
[“It’s starting to sound like a security nightmare!” sound effect plays with sirens]
[Eric and Micah laugh]
Andrew: That is the new clip created by our listener Lyndon. Thank you, Lyndon, for that little sound effect thing. [laughs]
Micah: I like that.
[Whooshing sound]
[Ticking sound]
Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.
[Bell dings]
Andrew: So that’s a big episode. That was the debut of the security nightmare clip, it sounded like. Wow.
Eric: Absolutely.
Micah: So what clip is debuting on this episode?
Andrew: Uh… [laughs] Nothing.
Laura: Oh, it’s a lot of pressure.
Eric: Pass it forward; I have to come up with a sound effect by the end of the episode. [laughs]
Andrew: Micah can come up with an Umbitch sound effect for us.
Eric: Oh, yeah.
Micah: Um-biiitch. How was that?
Andrew: There you go. That works, sure.
Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion
Eric: So let’s crack into it, ladies and gents. And first we want to talk about the worst Monday Ron has ever seen, according to him. There really are a lot of… there’s a lot going on. Harry is not happy. We know this is kind of a downer chapter, and his anger, which has always been closer than usual to boiling over since the book started, is going to be let loose to some extent. But let’s talk about some other things I’ve identified as missed opportunities: Number one, inter-House unity gets a shout-out again. We talked about how the Sorting Hat’s song last week really encouraged groupthink and coming together, but it seems like, especially with the stuff that happened with Seamus at the end of the chapter – and now Lavender is on it, too, Hermione says, where she doesn’t really believe Harry… I just feel like it would have been a shame – going back to the graveyard; that comes up in this chapter – and all because of this, Hogwarts was supposed to be unified with one champion, but because of Cedric Diggory and Harry both being chosen, they were hugely divided. And now that this thing has come up with Voldemort in the mix, and the Ministry is saying Harry is a liar, anyone that wasn’t already super pro-Harry is now taking that as a pass to be awful to Harry to his face. And so it’s a real shame to see not only is Gryffindor House divided, but none of the Houses seem at all close to where they could be, where the Sorting Hat wants them to be, where Hermione could want them to be. How do we fix this?
Laura: Ooh, I think it’s tough, because Harry is in his fifth year at Hogwarts, and the vast majority of the student body has really only ever heard, I mean, legends of what he’s done and what he’s been up to, so nobody’s really gotten to sit in the passenger seat with Harry anytime he’s gone up against Voldemort or to know the real reason why Sirius Black is now running free, except Dumbledore. That’s basically it. So I think this is actually the preface in a lot of ways, one, to addressing the unity issue – to your point, Eric – but two, giving people that in to feel like they’re in the know, and that’s why the DA is needed here. This very much feels like a precursor moment to Hermione taking the initiative to form the DA, because I think a lot of the school is feeling in the dark, and they’ve only had the Daily Prophet and the Ministry perspective to fill in the gaps for them, because no one else is doing it.
Eric: I think you’re talking about, too, the benefit of having a single enemy, a common enemy.
Andrew: The unity has to start from the top. And you have teachers at Hogwarts – namely Snape and now Umbridge – who are just total bullies to the students, and you’re not going to get school unity when you have teachers like that there who are bullying the kids, because it just encourages the other kids to bully them as well.
Eric: That’s a great point.
Micah: And inter-House unity seems like something that would happen over time. Especially in the younger years, it makes sense that you would spend time with your Housemates, but as you grow older and you meet other students from other Houses, friendships develop. We start to see that a little bit; clearly Ginny has formed a friendship with Luna at some point prior to this point. So the big question for me, though – and I think, Andrew, you’re getting at this too – is the school even set up for this? You think about the House Cup; you think about the Quidditch Cup. There’s no Hogwarts Quidditch team; there’s Quidditch teams for each individual House. There’s the Sorting, which is the very starting point for dividing up these students so that for the next seven years, they know that they are going to be pitted against these other students in order to win the House Cup.
Eric: Well, it’s okay, because the Sorting Hat regrets its job to divide people.
[Andrew laughs]
Laura: Yeah, and it starts before they even get to Hogwarts. Think about when Harry encounters Draco at Madam Malkin’s in Book 1…
Eric: Ugh.
Laura: … and Draco says something to him like, “Oh, if I got Sorted into Hufflepuff, I’d leave, wouldn’t you?”
Andrew: [laughs] It probably starts in the family home as well. If your parents were Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, whatever, you’re going to want your kid to get in that House too, and you’re going to be rooting for them and cheering them on to do well in that House and get House points.
Eric: Yeah, I think isn’t Neville stressed that he’s not going to be Sorted at all? He’s going to be kicked out?
Andrew: Aww, Neville.
Eric: I agree with that so much, of there’s that pride that comes from being all in Gryffindor as a family, or all in Slytherin as a family. And on the other hand, I think the upside to being Sorted is that it does give you a built-in home. It gives you a built-in community that is much more your speed, I think, to your point of it being easier when you’re younger to keep a smaller group. But as you get older, there should be these opportunities. And I love the idea, Andrew, that it’s structural; it pretty much starts with the teachers pushing unity on people, and then also…
Andrew: Starts at the top.
Eric: Yeah, it really does. So I think this is a great question.
Micah: Well, because they have loyalty to their Houses as well. It’s not just the kids; it’s in many cases presumably the teachers who are at the heads of each of these Houses were in these Houses, so of course, there’s a huge loyalty factor there as well.
Laura: I think there is value, especially at this age, of inspiring a team mentality, getting people to collaborate and learn how to work on a team and learn how to form that microcosm of a community. Kind of like when you do go to college, and if you’re doing the living on the college campus type experience, it’s kind of like adulting with training wheels, in a way. [laughs] I feel like that’s what the intent behind this is, but unfortunately, humans very easily devolve into sports team mentalities where it’s like, “My team is better and more superior to everyone else’s team, and therefore we can do whatever we want,” or, “Therefore we’re the best Quidditch players,” or, “We are the bravest or the most pure of blood,” or whatever. So that’s the problem here, is that people, they take it too far, I think. There comes a point where it’s like, “Yeah, you won the House Cup last year. Good for you. Why do we have…?”
Eric: “Did you like that Hogwarts House before they won the House Cup?”
[Laura laughs]
Eric: Otherwise… yeah, we’re going to talk about Ron later. [laughs]
Laura: Right, right.
Micah: But the point, though, about that you brought up, Laura – about the DA – I think is a good one, because it’s the first time we really do see the Houses come together in any way. There’s no official programming otherwise that I can think of at Hogwarts that does that. Why?
Eric: And it’s almost as a side effect. It’s not like the stated goal of the DA is to unite people in friendship; it’s to train them up because the services at Hogwarts are so deficient.
Andrew: Well, and to answer your question, Micah, why now? Why is there this inter-House unity now? I guess you could argue it’s this… sure, the trio are fifth years now, but it is this relatively fresh blood entering the school and having new perspectives and new ideas, whereas the people who run the school have been there an eternity and they don’t even think about making any changes.
Eric: Yeah, it really has to come from, I think, a need. People have to want to organize, and that’s where having a common enemy, such as the titular character, comes into play. Let’s talk about play now, and how Fred and George are playing with all of these students in Gryffindor. I’m pretty sure that at the end of the last book, when Harry gave his gold to Fred and George with the lofty hope that they’d start their joke shop, he was not expecting those very same Galleons to be offered to students in exchange for their wellbeing and health and safety, because Fred and George have a notice up saying, “Gold in your pocket! Let us use you as our test subjects for this thing.” And we have Ron’s reaction. Hermione is encouraging him to do something about it; they’re prefects, etc., etc. Ron is shy, doesn’t want to do it. But there’s not a moment from Harry where… Harry seems uncomfortable, but it’s not like he’s actually going to say, “Hey, when I gave you these Galleons, I didn’t want you to actually do this with them.”
Laura: Well, is it possible that they didn’t actually use the funding that Harry gave them, but they actually use some of the revenue they’ve generated? Because we know that they already had a mail order service, so they’ve already been making some sales. They’ve already been profiting. So was it their seed money that Harry gave them? Or was it the profits they’ve started making?
Eric: Okay, you provided reasonable doubt. I no longer am weirded out by this.
[Laura and Micah laugh]
Eric: But it’s wrong, ultimately, what they’re doing.
Laura: Oh, yeah, for sure.
Eric: What 15-year-old doesn’t want extra pocket change? And where are the safety guardrails? You know Fred and George… you trust them kind of as long as you’re in their House, but not to let you die.
Andrew: And to build on Laura’s point, maybe they are already doing well with the business, because they bought Ron a new pair of dress ropes, right? He says in this chapter.
Laura: That’s true.
Andrew: So maybe they got some extra money to spare. I can’t see them taking Harry’s money and then just passing it along to Ron. That seemed extremely generous of them, unless they were generating a lot of money. Maybe they thought, “Hey, let’s help out Harry’s bestie, since Harry helped us.”
Micah: I thought that was a stipulation of them getting the money at the end of the last book.
Laura: Yeah, that’s what Harry told them.
Andrew: Oh, really? Oh, okay. I forgot about that.
Eric: Which part?
Micah: Getting Ron new dress robes.
Eric: Oh, I see, I see, I see. So they begrudgingly went and did that, I guess.
[Andrew laughs]
Micah: Well, speaking of begrudgingly, I do think if Harry said something to them, they would begrudgingly listen to him. He’s their sugar daddy, after all.
Eric: [laughs] And the sugar is going to dry up if you displease him.
Micah: And I do think Harry, deep down, probably feels a sense of responsibility for what Fred and George are doing in this particular moment. Sure, he might not be directly responsible for the testing being done, but he is responsible for the money that was given to Fred and George, which now has led to the testing being done, and so there’s probably a part of him that does feel a level of responsibility. The other thing I wanted to bring up here – and we see this as a theme throughout this chapter – it is really a strong commentary on how standardized testing and certain grades – or in our case, maybe majoring in a certain field – don’t necessarily determine your career path. We see that develop with Fred and George throughout the course of this book; they talk about their talents being useful elsewhere, and Fred and George aren’t the only example of this that come up in this particular chapter.
Eric: That’s a fair point.
Andrew: Yeah. And I think this is also setup for a later chapter in this book, “Careers Advice.” And some moments in these books just stick with you over time, and I still remember reading the “Careers Advice” chapter in which Harry starts talking with McGonagall about his future, and I was like, “Wow, these kids are growing up. They are… this is really entering into adult territory now.” And the other thing I wanted to bring up here was that I just wish Harry brought up to Ron and Hermione the gift to Fred and George. It’s his money; he can do what he wants with it. And Ron and Hermione, dare I say, might even like to hear this so, to Micah’s point, they know that Harry has some sway over Fred and George, and Harry could kind of be the prefect he maybe wanted to be after all. He gets to reprimand Fred and George.
Eric: They can deputize Harry to go and tell them to… and rein them in.
Andrew: Right, and then Ron is like, “Oh, thank God, I don’t have to do it.”
Eric: Yeah, yeah. Oh, Ron would not have a heart attack anymore. I feel like it would only make Harry look good if he were honest about it and tell Hermione and Ron. Hermione might scoff at the legality or whatever, probably for good reason. But just knowing that Fred and George are on the loose – we don’t know how they got any money, we don’t know how we’re going to rein them in – is a worse position to be in overall. And honestly, Harry could do with people seeing him do nice things, or even his friends, because he’s kind of been a terror to his friends and continues to be.
Laura: Yeah, but I mean, the whole school basically hates him right now, and I feel like the last thing he wants to do is be branded a narc, which is basically what would happen there.
[Andrew and Eric laugh]
Eric: And that’s like death.
Laura: Yeah. Also, I don’t think that Harry… maybe he doesn’t approve of these methods for sure that Fred and George are going about it, but I don’t think he’s losing any sleep over it. I don’t think he thinks about it a lot. He’s got other stuff on his mind, like Voldemort’s mind, literally.
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Eric: He’s got Voldemort’s mind on his mind. I love that; that’s a good way of putting it.
Andrew: I do wonder, though, if McGonagall/Dumbledore appointing Ron as a prefect was a way to help develop Ron as an adult. Force him to grow up a little bit.
Eric: Yeah. If it is, he’s not taking the bait. Ron all but throws in the towel in this chapter about being responsible for Fred and George, about doing anything on his own for classes. We’re going to talk about it, but it’s just crazy. So yes, another missed opportunity is Ron having any semblance of being… of wanting to do his own work for his own merit. He flat-out tells Hermione in this chapter that she will be responsible for his and Harry’s bad grade if she doesn’t give them her notes, because Ron is feeling overwhelmed and he doesn’t like the caseload. Fred and George have laid it on thick about “Every day will be this awful with homework”; he believes them. And I don’t know, I just… I think that’s such bull to say that to Hermione, and it shows the lack of growth, the complete and utter vacuum where Ron would have, I think… I would hope by 15 you would have gained not only passions and subjects that you like enough to do the homework on your own without complaint, but just a general sense of personal responsibility that would mean that you wouldn’t always be relying on somebody like Hermione to GPT it for you.
Laura: Yeah. I think, though, Hermione has kind of made Ron comfortable in this way over the last few years.
Andrew: Oooh.
Eric: Wow.
Laura: And that’s not her fault. I am in no way saying that it’s her fault; it’s just the dynamic that evolves between people all the time, especially if you have one friend who is really academically inclined and one who isn’t. I think it’s happened to most of us at some point. But I think Ron is… he’s kind of conditioned himself to assume that that’s just something he gets because he’s friends with Hermione, and I don’t know if Ron being one of the younger of seven siblings… I don’t know that he maybe has the same level of preparedness in terms of his maturity. I don’t think that he’s ever been put in a position before now where he was actually responsible for something, and he’s probably really overwhelmed. How would Ron know how to be responsible for something? I don’t think… and it’s not his fault; I just don’t think he ever has been.
Eric: That’s kind of a fair point, yeah.
Andrew: Yeah, it’s a good call-out because I think about… let’s say somebody starts taking up a chore in the house, somebody else besides yourself, or somebody starts doing something for you here in the real world, and then if they stop doing it, you get so used to that person taking care of something, it’s like, “Ew, now I have to do it? I don’t want to do that.” So that makes a lot of sense. I thought maybe it was just some early onset senioritis for Ron.
Laura: Well, probably that too. [laughs]
Eric: Well, I read this chapter and I go, “Are you kidding me, Ron? You don’t want to do any work?”
Micah: But he’s been enabled.
Eric: Well, right, and coddled even by magic alone. I didn’t learn how to…
Micah: Well, by Hermione, too, the fact that she has shown up to do this for him the last four years. She is partly responsible for this.
Eric: Yeah, I do agree that in this chapter where she says, “What would it be like if I stopped doing your homework? What if I just stopped doing it?” is kind of too little too late, right, on that? It’s not a serious, I guess, threat, and so Ron doesn’t treat it as such. But I do agree he’s been coddled pretty much his whole life. I mean, even now, they aren’t doing their own laundry. The house-elves are cleaning up after them. There’s so many things…
Andrew: They’re not cooking.
Eric: Yeah, right, not cooking, not having… there’s so many elements of personal responsibility that aren’t getting done that for Ron to just throw in the towel… well, that also shows, to throw in the towel on academics, what else is he going to do? Just live at Hogwarts? Just eat and breathe and that’s going to be all he puts effort into?
[Andrew laughs]
Eric: It’s pretty wild.
Micah: He’s a prefect now; it doesn’t matter. Do what he wants.
Eric: Yeah, great pick for prefect, Dumbledore.
Andrew: Well, that’s probably another reason he’s got a chip on his shoulder like he does. He’s kind of on top now, at least within his House.
Eric: When Dumbledore made him prefect, it should have been like, “Listen, Mr. Weasley, I have full faith in you to actually do something.” And Ron would want to please Dumbledore all year. It’d be useful.
Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “And stand up to your brothers, damn it. Come on.”
[Eric and Laura laugh]
Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Your brothers are going too far.”
Eric: Speaking of Ron, let’s just get this out of the way. He completely bombs Harry’s would-be interaction with Cho.
Micah: Ugh.
Eric: This is the second time in as many days that Cho Chang has tried to get Harry in a conversation. The first time he was covered in Stinksap in the carriage. The second time he’s thrilled to not be that, but Ron just comes straight after Cho and starts demanding from her proof of her loyalty to the Tornadoes Quidditch team, and it’s so… I wouldn’t say it’s out of character, but it’s so forceful that it not only catches Cho off-guard, catches Harry off-guard, but it puts a bad taste in Cho’s mouth and she leaves. And it’s not really serving anyone here to be this way; it just serves as another way for Harry to kind of be disappointed in his friends.
Micah: Can I say, though, I did think for a very brief second that Ron was going to show some maturity here? He looked like he was coming in as a really great wingman, and then everything completely fell out from underneath him.
Eric: Oh no.
Micah: I do think he was trying to normalize the conversation, to diffuse the tension between Harry and Cho by asking about something they all liked in Quidditch…
Eric: Oh, okay.
Micah: … but then it became antagonistic, and Ron was shouting, and… yeah, not good.
Laura: I just think Ron is gatekeeping here for a couple of reasons. One, he’s gatekeeping Quidditch, but he’s also gatekeeping Harry. Cho… he may not even think this intentionally or consciously, but Cho is competition.
Eric: Wow.
Laura: I mean, Harry is going to be spending a lot of time with her soon, and I have to imagine that makes Ron a little jelly.
Micah: Well, and let’s not forget, Cho didn’t treat Harry… well, she didn’t treat him poorly, but she rejected him in the last book, so maybe part of that’s in Ron’s mind too.
Laura: Yeah, he’s like, “Oh, she said no to my bestie, and she claims she’s a Tornadoes fan? I don’t think so.”
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Fake fan. Yeah, “I’m going to come at her about Quidditch right now.”
[Andrew laughs]
Eric: It’s certainly all possible, I think.
Andrew: I’ll take that as an excuse because reading this, I was just so embarrassed for Ron, just the way he was behaving so aggressively towards Cho.
Laura: Well, it’s also a thing with… I’m not going to paint with a broad brush here, but it can be a gender dynamic in the realm of sports fans, where there are men sometimes, men and boys, who will challenge women and girls who say that they’re really into a certain sport or they follow a certain team, and immediately launch into quizzing them about every piece of trivia they can think of to be able to disprove, like, “You’re not as big of a fan as I am.”
Andrew: That makes sense, yeah.
Laura: Sports are not the only place where that kind of gatekeeping happens. It happens in fandom; we’ve all seen it.
Eric: “Oh, you like this band? Name five of their songs.”
[Laura laughs]
Micah: And Laura, maybe there’s some jealousy there, too, because we know how great of a Quidditch player Cho is, and Ron himself still trying to make it onto the Quidditch team.
Eric: Oooh.
Laura: Yup.
Eric: Well, here’s the thing: You just don’t… think of all the ways in which Ron fawned over Viktor at first before he was a romantic threat. Cho is an upperclassman. If she’s good at Quidditch, why can’t Ron think, “Oh, I have to learn something from her. I have to…” Why doesn’t he look at her reverently at all? And it might be for some of these other reasons, like Laura suggested – maybe he’s threatened, maybe he knows that she rejected Harry, whatever, whatever – but she’s also an upperclassman. I had to look this up to be sure, and yeah, she’s a year older than them. And I don’t know, I just… given that Ron doesn’t talk to girls, especially girls he doesn’t know, this all seemed very surprising to say the least. And it’s disappointing for Harry, who was looking forward to, I think, just something positive to happen to him because he’s having a bad day.
Laura: Yeah, I know. His friends are really not helping him out here. Neville with the Stinksap, and then Ron with this.
[Eric laughs]
Laura: And it is a red flag, especially when you’re that age, if you’re talking to a boy that you like and his best friend comes up, and his best friend is a huge jerk. Immediate red flag where it’s like, “Ooh, maybe this guy isn’t as cool or nice as I thought he was, if he’s friends with that.”
Micah: Yep.
Eric: So we also talked a little bit at the beginning of this chapter about getting some teachers that would help with inter-House unity. We also could do with some teachers who, I don’t know, engage in a positive way with their students at all. We are put through double History of Magic, Divination lessons… all of the bad. Potions… all of the bad classes happen on this first day back. And there’s even a point where it says in the book in History of Magic that it could have been a good lesson in another teacher’s hands. And I think who teaches a subject has… the interest in the subject has everything to do with the content as well as who’s teaching it, and it’s just not it. Binns is not it. And Snape…
Micah: This reminds me of the Lynx Line from last week.
Andrew: Yeah, I was thinking of that too.
Eric: Yep.
Laura: Yeah, there was a lot of hate for History of Magic in particular.
Andrew: But also, somebody came to the defense of History of Magic and admitted they were a history nerd and said there was a way to more dynamically present this information, I think.
Laura: Yeah, well, they came to the…
Eric: Then we took them out back and we dunked them in the pool until they stopped saying that.
Andrew: [laughs] Aww, no, history is cool.
Laura: It is. No, they came to the defense of the concept of a history class, but Professor Binns’s teaching method, not so much, and I think that’s what’s at issue here.
Eric: I mean, can you imagine maybe a…? I wanted to say a film professor or something doing giant wars, or a theater professor doing giant wars? Come on. Remember those classes that weren’t theater classes, but we ultimately read a short play about something, or had to reenact scenes? Just different dynamic ways of exploring a subject matter would be really cool, even just as simple as “Get up, class. Half of you are Switzerland. Half of you are Romania.”
Andrew: Yeah. Well, getting the kids literally moving physically is probably important, too, to prevent them from falling asleep. In fact, I remember one of my history teachers in high school used to say, “You kids have tired blood. You’ve got to move around more. You have tired blood.”
[Laura and Micah laugh]
Andrew: “That’s why I run three miles every morning” or something like that.
Eric: Tired blood!
Andrew: That always stuck with me.
Eric: Well, Binns doesn’t have to worry about that. He doesn’t need to get his heart rate up.
Andrew: Right, he got no blood.
Eric: He’s just there existing.
[Laura laughs]
Micah: This is the wizarding world, though. The person – I forget who it was – last week who said, “Bring in some ghosts who actually participated in some of these history events.” That would be so cool.
Andrew and Laura: Yeah.
Eric: I would go so far as to say I think History of Magic could be the best class at Hogwarts for those types of reasons, possibly. I mean, it’s what, “Those who are doomed to repeat history don’t study it”? Honestly, that alone should cause people to be interested in finding new ways to teach history, so that it sinks in. Anyway, going further about the classes, it looks like… I mean, we finally see Professor Umbridge and her class, and I just don’t think that this is going to be an improvement over the previous years of Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers, which, I think really, Lupin was the best one.
Andrew and Laura: Yeah.
Andrew: And to touch on Snape real quick, too, he says to Harry that he can’t read, which I think is a really… here he goes again being a you-know-what. But it’s an interesting comment to make ahead of Half-Blood Prince, when Harry is relying on Snape’s Potions book. Is that a bit of a foreshadow alert?
Eric: I love the idea of that.
Laura: I’ll accept it.
Micah: He can read quite well, actually.
[Foreshadowing sound effect plays]
Micah: It’s just such an inappropriate moment on Snape’s part.
Andrew: I know.
Micah: And you wonder how closely was Snape actually watching Harry throughout this entire class? Because to know that he missed something on the third line… I mean, that could just be his proficiency at Potions, but it’s just…
Eric: The third line has two parts to it, but Snape didn’t do 3a and 3b the way that you should.
Andrew: [laughs] And you feel bad for Harry, because Harry, when Snape asks him about it, immediately realizes his mistake, and I believe he says, “His heart sank.” And I think we’ve all been there in school; maybe we had a really difficult time on the test, or we get the grades back and they aren’t what we expected. We have those heart-sinking moments in school. And here’s Snape putting him on blast in front of his fellow students, and it sucks. It’s mean.
Micah: And I do like the point you raised about the Half-Blood Prince’s book, because if you actually have a good teacher, you can get students to have good results. And certainly some students need a little bit more attention than others, but this makes me actually question how good Snape is at… we know he’s good at Potions, but in terms of him effectively teaching his students, I don’t think he’s very good.
Eric: Well, not only that, but we have always heard that Snape favors Slytherin House, so you would expect everyone in Slytherin by now to have been given that personal one-on-one time that he so withholds from the other students. But no, Goyle and Crabbe have just as bad potions, if not worse, than anyone else.
Micah: Right, wouldn’t you want to invest in your own students in your own House to ensure that they are good, at least at the subject that you’re responsible for teaching?
Eric: Exactly, it’s not enough to single out Harry and say, “Look how bad this potion is.” There should be a Slytherin wall of students that continuously get the best potions, and at least then it would show that he’s teaching anyone this.
Micah: Right. Yeah, it’s not Neville is stupid; Seamus is stupid; Crabbe is stupid; Goyle is stupid; Harry is stupid. It’s like, “No, Severus. You suck at teaching.”
Eric: Well, and questioning whether Harry can read in front of the class… it’s easily disproven. Of course he can read; you have to read in all the other classes. But it’s just mean! There’s no reason for it. There’s no academic purpose that this could possibly serve.
Micah: And sorry, Andrew. I’m sure he’s a great lover.
[Everyone laughs]
Andrew: That’s a tease for bonus MuggleCast today.
Eric: Oh my God, you didn’t.
Andrew: But Ariane Beth, who’s listening live on our Patreon right now, says, “Snape’s bad teaching methods transfer from Potions to Occlumency. He makes all the same mistakes in both classes. If this had been addressed sooner, those lessons might have been more successful.”
Laura: Good call.
Eric: Wow.
Laura: Yep.
Andrew: He’s not a good teacher. But a great lover.
[Laura laughs]
Micah: Now, can I ask a quick question, though, about the DADA professors? Eric, I know you said you feel like Lupin is at the head of the list up until this point. How would we rank our DADA professors thus far? I have Lupin, I do agree, but then I would say imposter Moody, Quirrell, and then Lockhart. I think Lockhart is just bottom of the barrel.
Eric: Well, I think you have to rank them… there’s only one way to rank them truly, which is how much damage they did, and that puts Moody into contention for me because he did actively use Unforgivable Curses on them for months, actually, and that has to have… they have to be worn down psychically or some other way from that experience. Lupin is the exact ideal of the stuff we just talked about with Snape. He listens. He knows every student’s individual story and wants and needs. He takes time to get to know them. He caters to them. He cares about them! So between the two of them – or between Lockhart, who didn’t care and also continuously put his students at risk and was under-equipped to handle any emergencies should they arise – that’s the spectrum who you’d put… I mean, Quirrell as a teacher was probably good. You don’t hear any complaints about the course, but Harry had him in his first year, so you really don’t know what his…
Micah: We didn’t spend a whole lot of time with him, either.
Laura: No.
Eric: Barely anything, if anything. I think it was just one of those check a box and say what the subject was on Monday, but it really doesn’t… you don’t get a sense what his higher level classes were. I’m thinking because he was a Ravenclaw and seemed academically pretty sound, it was probably a decent class, but I imagine it being dry, kind of like the scene we get in the movie with him just muttering something.
Laura: Yeah. Am I misremembering that Quirrell taught Muggle Studies before he came back and taught Defense Against the Dark Arts?
Eric: I think you’re right.
Andrew: I think that’s right.
Micah: That’s right.
Laura: Yeah, so I wonder if he was even equipped to be teaching that course.
Eric: Typically, I think when reading this chapter… because we spend so much time with Harry. We see Harry flip out on Umbridge; Harry gets all of the attention. But I actually want to pay attention now in this reread to the subtle work… well, sometimes not so subtle. Subtle is an outstretched hand in a room of silence that Hermione provides. Hermione and her initial reaction to the beginning of Umbridge’s lesson sets in store the entire… the rest of the lesson, the rest of the year, and I think begins to even build the momentum for the DA all in this very well-measured… because Hermione knows enough to know the subtleties of what’s going on. She has nuance here. Instead of just doing an outburst, Hermione begins to quietly question Umbridge’s goals and lessons and uses her own words against her. And I just think it’s very masterful what Hermione does to set up Harry’s outburst that we always spend so much time on.
Andrew and Laura: Yeah.
Laura: It really is.
Andrew: And Micah had a point for a little later in the discussion, but I’ll just jump off of it now. Her behavior here is similar to how she’s the only one actually paying attention to the enemy by continuing to read the Daily Prophet.
Eric: Augh, that’s so important.
Andrew: I guess it’s Harry who says, “Why are you continuing to get the Daily Prophet? It’s full of lies,” And she says, “I’m keeping an eye on the enemy.” She’s reading in between the lines, just like here when Umbridge is setting up the course. Hermione is reading in between the lines, noticing what’s missing, not just going along for a ride.
Eric: Yeah, everybody else is a good little student; they’re reading their chapter as described, and Hermione is the one who… again, Hermione GPT is like, “Wait a minute. There’s nothing in here about using defensive spells.” And then everyone else slowly catches on and is like, “Wait a minute, that is off. She’s right.” It just… you need somebody like Hermione to be able to not only… if she had just blurted out, or if Ron had said randomly, “What, we don’t get to use our wands?”, Umbridge would have shut down. You never would have gotten the same level of explanation, exposition. It’s funny because essentially you get a lot about Dolores Umbridge, how she ignores Hermione for easily 15 minutes because she doesn’t want to deal. She pretends not to see her, and then she’s forced to engage in more of that sickly sweetness that’s all false. You really get a lot of Umbridge’s character there.
Micah: Yeah, but Hermione… I have to say, Harry likely would not have gotten detention at all if it wasn’t for Hermione – and I know that’s a little bit of a hot take – at least not in this chapter…
Eric: [laughs] What?
Micah: No, Hermione’s actions directly lead to a blowup that leads to Harry getting detention for the entire week, because Harry is very much like the rest of the students that you just mentioned. They’re bored, they’re reading their textbook, they’re falling asleep. Hermione’s actions expedite the tension between Harry and Umbridge, and they end up landing him in a lot of trouble.
Eric: I would argue…
Micah: Going back to what you said earlier about Ron not showing up for Harry in this chapter in the right way, Hermione also… because Hermione also recognizes what’s happening. She’s trying to get Harry to calm down, and it’s just he’s reached the breaking point after this day that he’s had.
Eric: Here’s my counterpoint to that, which is that Hermione, in her questioning of Umbridge, gives Harry a platform for the rest of the students to get to know him better, because they see how outraged he is, strictly about what Umbridge is saying about the discrediting that she’s trying to do on their past teachers. And I think that the rest of the class that’s in here finds a friend in Harry. They find the common ground all because Hermione set that up.
Micah: Wrong place, wrong time for it.
Eric: Possibly, but getting detention with Dolores – which is the next chapter – is not the worst thing that could have happened to Harry. I think the worst thing that could have happened to Harry is he would have no opportunities throughout the entire year to distinguish himself, to allow the school to really know who he is, and then subsequently, everyone would just believe the more powerful government, the more saturated market that’s discrediting Harry, and he’d have a lot fewer friends and be miserable.
Laura: I also think Umbridge is kind of banking on the students being tired and bored and not paying attention, just like she was at the start-of-term feast when she was basically being an Orwellian character and speaking in terms that were just so dull and meaningless that people got lost and tired, and they’d been on the train all day and they didn’t care about it, because every school year has gone on normally. Why would this one be any different?
Eric: You’re right, and then if anyone confronts her about something she’s doing, she says, “Well, didn’t you pay attention in my speech, where everyone seemed fine with it then?”
Laura: Right.
Eric: It’s like, “Oh, you weren’t listening to my speech? Shame on you.” So I just love the idea that because of Hermione’s approach… and again, I’ve called it subtle. I’ve called it delicate. It’s measured. Because of Hermione’s whole approach of being the innocent question-asker, it allows Umbridge to say a lot more and reveal a lot more than she would choose to, and I think it also causes Umbridge to go on to say more unpopular things that these students hate and serves to galvanize them against her. It works against her, the more Umbridge says.
Micah: So you would say that Hermione is actually goading Umbridge in this case.
Eric: Yes, she is goading as in G-O-A-D, and then Hermione right now is GOAT-ing, like greatest of all time. I’ve never seen anything this good.
[Laura laughs]
Micah: The double goat.
Eric: The double goat.
Micah: Four horns.
[Everyone laughs]
Micah: I do see where you’re coming from, though, but I think the unintended consequence is Harry ends up in detention.
Eric: Yeah. I mean, I just feel as though if you take someone sane… let’s pick a sane professor, any sane professor, and why did we all just pick McGonagall? McGonagall appreciates that Hermione knows what’s going on, and she says as such to Harry later in the chapter. Harry doesn’t really have the capability – and he’s got so much else going on – to really pay attention to the finer points of what’s happening at Hogwarts, but Hermione can, and that’s exactly words to the effect of what McGonagall is saying. McGonagall knows that Hermione knows that this is the way things are working.
Laura: And I think one way or another, whether it was now or a couple of months from now, Umbridge was going to find a way to stick it to Harry. Remember, she really wanted to expel him from Hogwarts.
Eric: She really wanted to suck his soul out before she even met him!
Laura: Yeah, good point.
Eric: I mean, if you’re talking about extreme…
Andrew: Yeah, she got started messing with him at school nice and early, earlier than she probably anticipated. I do have to say, I think we can agree with Umbridge on at least one point during this outburst.
Eric: What’s this going to be?
Andrew: The DADA teachings have been very fragmented due to the yearly teacher turnovers, and Dumbledore’s poor choices – and the curse – have given the Ministry a good reason to step in. It’s been all over the place. This is the only course with this type of turnover.
Laura: Yeah, there does need to be oversight, but I think the Ministry also needs oversight. I don’t know that they’re the ones to be providing it. They’re no better. [laughs]
Eric: Yeah. Well, under the guise of educational reform, they’re able to basically disarm – literally and figuratively – this whole student body of Hogwarts. They don’t prepare them for what’s coming.
Andrew: Also, I noticed Umbridge says, “The Ministry guarantees you are not in any danger” to the students.
[Eric and Micah laugh]
Andrew: Is that a money back guarantee? What kind of guarantee is that? Is that a Sirius Black guarantee?
Micah: Well, first off, does she know where she’s teaching?
Eric: Oh, man. There’s always the Dumbledore factor. He can always make it dangerous, even if you try not.
[Andrew laughs]
Micah: She should know she’s teaching in one of the biggest security nightmares in all of Scotland. But yeah, I think that’s pretty comical. See breakout from Azkaban number one. See Quidditch World Cup. See Triwizard Tournament. See breakout from Azkaban number two, which is coming later in this book. See Voldemort’s return. Yeah, yeah, “The Ministry guarantees you’re not in any danger. Don’t worry about it.”
Andrew: They have no room to issue guarantees.
Eric: By the time anyone calls them on it, though, Hogwarts will be destroyed. It doesn’t… there’s no reprimations, or there’s no penalty. It’s not like 20 years from now, lawyers are going to be like, “If you were harmed at Hogwarts against the Ministry of Magic after they promised you you were safe, you may be entitled to compensation.”
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Eric: It’s not going to work that way. It’s not going to work that way because Umbridge is literally lying through her teeth to achieve her short term ends and does not care about the future. You can wreck the school. You can wreck the planet without anybody to stop you, because you’re in power and you’re abusing it.
Andrew: Well, and speaking of the Ministry’s shortcomings, she does say that Cedric’s death was a tragic accident, but what are the official details from the Ministry? What is their official line about how this occurred? And I did some research… I don’t think we ever learn what the Ministry actually said happened, so how could people believe the Ministry when they’re not giving any information about this?
Eric: Maybe they’re desensitized to all those accidents that just occur when around Hogwarts, when around Dumbledore, when around magic.
Andrew: I guess so, but that would raise an alarm in my mind if I was a parent or just an onlooker. We always expect to learn details about tragic accidents.
Eric: The thing is, Cedric Diggory was as far from a Moaning Myrtle that you could get, who’s just some girl; she’s young and doesn’t have any skills about her. He was a Hogwarts champion, 17 years of age. It wasn’t just like some rando Hogwarts student died; this was a well-practiced Quidditch star who had a lot of skill. To die in an accident really kind of throws into question the whole thing.
Andrew: Yeah. Ariane says we should send Umbridge some of our Security Consultant merchandise available at MuggleCastMerch.com. I think that’s a great idea.
Micah: Do we have any pink?
Eric: I’m going to send her Laura’s pants.
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Micah: If it’s not in pink, she’s not going to wear it.
Andrew: True, we’ve got to make a pink one just for her. And the final point I wanted to bring up about Umbridge… and this ties into the “Have a biscuit, Potter” moment at the end of this chapter. So at the end, McGonagall refers to Umbridge as “Dolores Umbridge” to Harry, not once, not twice, but three times! And this implies to me that she thinks she and Harry, McGonagall and Harry, are on equal footing here when it comes to their relationship to Umbridge and what they should think of her. If she had referred to Umbridge as “Professor Umbridge,” it would have implied that Harry needs to show her respect or treat her as someone who is senior to him.
Eric: Absolutely.
Andrew: But instead, McGonagall is implying that Harry is her equal, and he shouldn’t have to give her the same respect he would any other teacher at Hogwarts.
Eric: Yeah, I agree with that. It’s the same way that Dumbledore keeps calling Snape “Professor Snape” to Harry in the hopes that it will catch on, and he fails miserably.
Andrew: Right.
Eric: But yeah, I mean, McGonagall has no love for Umbridge, and I think, again, calling her by her first name in front of a student – which you rarely, if ever, learned your teachers’ first names or heard it said by other teachers – it is a symbol of, if not disrespect, definitely dissent. And McGonagall is not sugar-coating Umbridge’s presence and what it means for the school, and she’s not, I guess, obeying in advance for the whole thing. She’s showing that distance. I agree with you, Andrew, on this.
Micah: For one of the first times, Professor McGonagall is treating Harry as if he’s a peer, as if he’s an adult, and this is one of the great, I think, moments between the two of them. We see another one happen a little bit later on in this book in that “Careers Advice” chapter that you mentioned, Andrew, and then probably the most significant one is in Deathly Hallows when Harry uses the Cruciatus Curse on Amycus Carrow after he spits on McGonagall. So I will say, noticeable by his absence in all of this is Dumbledore. I do feel that there could have been a bit of a game plan here, and Dumbledore should have spelled it out clearly to Harry to not let his buttons get pushed by Umbridge; I think that’s what McGonagall is trying to tell Harry in this moment. And yes, Hermione has tried a couple of times already to do just that, but it’s just so weird to me that Dumbledore is so absent in these types of situations, because I think Harry would listen to what he has to say.
Eric: I believe that’ll cover this discussion for Chapter 12, “Professor Umbridge.”
Odds & Ends
Eric: Now let’s get to some odds and ends here.
Micah: Yeah, so Andrew, you brought up earlier just the importance of Hermione receiving the Daily Prophet and what that represents, the fact that she’s keeping tabs on the Ministry. I wanted to make sure we called that out. And then we talked about this earlier, this whole idea of standardized testing, and Trelawney, she’s got the right of it in this chapter when she says, “You think a test could actually prove whether or not you have the ability to see the future or do other things that are Divination-related?” And she’s probably right. I don’t think a test really can suffice when it comes to prophecy and other things like that, so…
Laura: And also, I mean, when it comes to other subjects, not everyone’s a great test taker. I’m not. I wasn’t great at standardized testing.
Please Translate for the Dumb Americans
Andrew: Also, I want to bring back one of our new segments here in Chapter by Chapter that I came up with myself: Please Translate for the Dumb Americans. Let’s play the sound effect.
[“Duhhh” sound effect plays]
Laura: [laughs] Oh my God.
Eric: Can we hear that again? I didn’t quite hear that.
Andrew: Duhhh, dahhh, dahhh!
Eric: Oh, wow.
Andrew: The quote from this chapter is “‘We do try,’ said Ron,” when asked by Hermione if he pays attention during Binns’s classes. “We just haven’t got your brains or your memory or your concentration – you’re just cleverer than we are – is it nice to rub it in?” And then Hermione says, “‘Oh, don’t give me that rubbish,’ but she looked slightly mollified as she led the way out into the damp courtyard.” So I’ve got to admit, I didn’t know what mollified meant, and it’s basically to appease the anger or anxiety of someone.
Laura: Yeah, so for example, Hermione was clearly very annoyed about Ron implying that she was going to have to do all of their homework, but Ron, in this moment, kind of flatters Hermione in saying, “Hey, listen, I’m just a big dummy, and you have this big, amazing brain, so can you please help me?”
[Andrew laughs]
Laura: And Hermione is still kind of salty about it, but she feels… she got a compliment.
Andrew: “Well, I am pretty smart.”
Laura: She’s happy that he acknowledged it.
Eric: Flattery will get you everywhere.
Laura: She’s like, “I know I’m better than you.” [laughs]
Andrew: At least he notices.
Micah: And then what did Ron do after?
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Eric: He married her. He married Hermione.
Andrew: So there is another word in this chapter…
Micah: It’s in the book, Andrew.
Andrew: … I’ve never seen in an American book, this word “ejaculate.” “Ron ejaculated loudly.” I’ve never seen that in an American novel.
[Laura laughs]
Eric: It’s an outburst. A vocal outburst.
Micah: You can save that for bonus MuggleCast.
[Laura laughs]
Andrew: I’m not asking what it is; I’m just noting I don’t see it in American novels too often, at least not the type that I read.
Micah: You’re reading the wrong ones, then.
[Everyone laughs]
Andrew: I need to read 50 Shades of Gray, I think.
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Superlative of the Week
Eric: It’s time to talk about what our favorite lines were of the chapter that were said to Umbridge back in her face, because pretty much the whole class got involved, actually, talking back, all because of the snowball effect that Hermione started. And I’m going to go with, “‘Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher,’ said Harry loudly, ‘there was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head.'” Good use of saying Voldemort’s name, which we know always unnerves people, but he did it here for great effect.
Laura: I’m going to go with Dean Thomas talking about Mad-Eye Fakey and saying, “Well, he turned out to be a maniac, didn’t he? Mind you, we still learned loads.”
Andrew: So mine is this exchange between Umbridge and Harry. Umbridge says, “There is nothing waiting out there, Mr. Potter,” and Harry says, “Oh, yeah? […] Hmm, let’s think… maybe Lord Voldemort?”
[Laura laughs]
Andrew: “Ever hear of him?”
Eric: Yeah, another good use of that name for effect.
[Andrew laughs]
Micah: And for me, Harry saying to Umbridge, “So, according to you, Cedric Diggory dropped dead of his own accord?”
Andrew: What’s the official line from the Ministry about that? I want details.
Eric: We all want details. Harry is pressing for it.
Lynx Line
Eric: So that’s good; let’s talk about our Lynx Line question for the week. We asked over on our Patreon: What is a wild dream that you have had which either came true shortly after, or was just very weird? This of course, we didn’t talk about it during the chapter, but Divination class, Trelawney assigns them dream journals, and they’re analyzing their dreams. So here is what our listeners replied with.
Andrew: Rachel said,
“I was a math teacher for five years and always had crazy dreams in the days leading up to the first day of a new year. Then, when I changed jobs, I STILL had that back-to-school dream in September. In it I was walking through the hallway, but nobody spoke English, and they used a different number system, so I had no idea how to teach anything. It was a disaster, and I was very relieved to wake up and not go teach.”
Eric: Oh, man. Carlee says, “Sometime last year, I dreamed I had to eat a violin.”
Laura: Oof!
“Yup… wood, metal strings, everything. No idea what the reason was, just remember that it was super dry, hard, and awful. I made the mistake of telling my family about the dream, and my kids still tease me about it. For context, I’m an elementary school music teacher with lots of food allergies/sensitivities, and we had just recently put all the pieces of my digestive puzzle together. So maybe those ideas were hijacking my subconscious just a bit.”
Eric: You think?
[Andrew laughs]
Eric: I hope to never have to eat a string instrument. That sounds awful.
Micah: Sherry says,
“I have two different ‘stress dreams.’ You all know I am blind. When my stress level got out of control, I used to dream that I was in the front passenger seat of a car with a friend. We were on Highway 101 during rush hour in California, and the driver had a heart attack or became otherwise unable to drive, unconscious. I had to try to figure out how to stop the car. I’d wake up shaking and terrified. I haven’t had that dream since I retired. Now I occasionally dream that I’m in the US, but for some reason Mount Everest is in the US, and I’m trying to climb it. And I just figured out that this dream is probably about my battle with cancer, and the chemo treatments I’m going through right now! Funny that never occurred to me before.”
Eric: There is therapeutic value in talking about your dreams, people. Maybe Trelawney is on to something. And I’m grateful to you, Sherry, for sharing those.
Laura: Yeah, thank you, Sherry. We’re thinking of you. Please keep us posted. Ashley says,
“When I was 13 (2005) I had what can only be described as a Benadryl-induced sleep movie. I was aboard the Titanic (Credence wasn’t there), and I was trying to escape with Tre Cool, the drummer of Green Day. While running across the ship, we saw the band playing, but they all had lobster claws for hands. As we boarded a life boat, it capsized, and suddenly we were in my middle school hallway and the bell was ringing. I then woke up. I have no words for this, but it has haunted me for 20 years.”
Laura: Also, mad props to whoever gave me this Lynx Line submission to read…
[Andrew and Eric laugh]
Eric: Green Day?
Laura: … because Green Day, Titanic, Tre Cool… perfect.
Andrew: Laura is jelly of this dream.
Laura: I know, I know. Actually, I don’t usually remember my dreams.
Andrew: I don’t either. I did have a nightmare recently involving a gun, so…
Eric: Oh.
Laura: Yikes.
Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, anyway. Here’s one from Autumn:
“I used to have a dream as a kid that was reoccurring until I was about 10. These giant pigs, which walked on their hind legs, would come in the night and take me away. The secret entrance to their world was our fireplace in my old house. They had a huge cauldron and were planning on cooking me, but never got that far in the dream, thankfully.”
Laura: Oh my gosh.
Andrew: Very detailed, too. I love all the details here.
Laura: I know.
Eric: I feel like this is a Grimms’ Fairy Tales version of a…
Micah: Does she eat pork?
Andrew: [laughs] Maybe. You know what I’m thinking, though? Sometimes listeners tell us that they listen to the podcast when going to bed at night as a way to help them sleep. Now I’m thinking some of our listeners are listening to these dreams while asleep, and they’re going to start having dreams about pigs coming to cook them in cauldrons. [laughs]
Eric: Wow, okay. Let’s listen to… let’s end on a funny one, then, if that’s the case, Andrew. This comes from Catie, who said,
“Once I had a dream that I was flying on a blue dragon to save Harry and Ron from the reaping in Hunger Games. I tore up the stage, leaving the hosts in their ridiculous outfits. Ron whimpered like he saw spiders. Harry told Katniss good luck, and ‘Stick it to the man with the crappy nose,’ and she did the three finger salute. Everyone applauded, and I still don’t know who the guy with the crappy nose in Hunger Games is.”
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Andrew: I love that this dream merged fandoms. I want to dream something that merges fandoms. [laughs]
Eric: Oh, absolutely. Those types of dreams happen when you’re very young, I think, interacting with the characters in a new level. So that’s very exciting. That was a fun little Lynx Line segment; thank you to all who submitted that.
Andrew: Yeah, and listeners, you can participate in the Lynx line every week by becoming a patron at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. We’re having a lot of fun coming up with these questions and then reading all the responses. If you have feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that’s recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, and next week we actually will have a Muggle Mail episode, so stay tuned for that.
Micah: So send those voice memos.
Andrew: Get them in now, everybody.
Quizzitch
Andrew: And now it’s time for Quizzitch.
[Quizzitch music plays]
Eric: This week’s question was: In light of Umbridge’s long and boring speech, what’s the length of the longest speech ever given in the UK, presented by Henry Peter Brougham in 1828? The correct answer was six hours, six hours of a speech given in 1828. I’m so glad Umbridge let them sleep and didn’t go on for any longer. 73% of people said they did not look that up, and this week’s winners were Alabaster Alastor; Annabelle the real life Weasley; Ben (not SHANE because I’m younger than MuggleCast); Borelores Dumb-beep; Buff Daddy; Fell asleep during Umbridge’s speech; Jim Dale’s Sorting Hat song; My history teacher is almost as interesting as Professor Binns, #AlmostFellAsleepFirstDayOfGeography; Ravenpuff from Sweden; and Tofu Tom jiggles again. Okay, keep on jiggling there, Tofu Tom. Here’s next week’s Quizzitch question: Which US fast food chain was the first to add savory biscuits to their menu in the 1970s?
[Andrew laughs]
Eric: I love, love, love, a good biscuit from a restaurant.
Laura: Same.
Andrew: You’re taking the UK biscuit and turning it into the American fast food biscuit. I love it. [laughs]
Eric: It’s fully the American biscuit. The prophecy is fulfilled here, really, honestly.
Micah: Just like our throwback episode, right?
Andrew and Eric: Yep.
Eric: So submit your answer to this week’s Quizzitch question – or next week’s Quizzitch question – via the Quizzitch form on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch. Or if you’re there reading transcripts or something, click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav and submit your answer.
Andrew: Check out our other weekly podcasts, What the Hype?! and Millennial, for more pop culture and real world talk from the four of us. In recent episodes of What the Hype?!, we made predictions about the next book in the Fourth Wing series, Onyx Storm, which is due out within days, depending on when you listen to this episode. And we reviewed the latest Star Wars TV series, Skeleton Crew. And then over on Millennial, we discussed the implications of TikTok being banned and the concept of third spaces. These shows are brought to you by Muggles like you; listener support is the only reason we’ve been able to podcast for 20 years and counting, and there are several great ways to help us out. You can visit MuggleCastMerch.com to get official MuggleCast shirts, hoodies, glassware, hats, and more, and merch includes security consultant-themed items so you can take care of much needed business at Hogwarts, just like Umbridge is allegedly doing. Apple Podcasts subscribers can sign up for MuggleCast Gold, which gets you instant access to ad-free and early releases of MuggleCast, plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month. And for even more benefits – and this is probably the best way to help us out – pledge at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. You’ll get all the benefits of MuggleCast Gold, plus livestreams, yearly stickers, Lynx Line participation, a physical gift, a video message from one of the four of us made just for you, and more. We’re very grateful for your support, so that is why we offer a lot of perks on our Patreon. If you enjoy the show and think other Muggles would too, tell a friend about the show, and we’d love a five star review in your favorite podcast app. That does it for this week’s episode. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.
Eric: I’m Eric.
Micah: I’m Micah.
Laura: And I’m Laura.
Andrew: See you next week for a Muggle Mail episode. Bye, everyone.