Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #730, Oh Hell Doe! (HBP Chapter 8, Snape Victorious)
Cold Open
Eric: Again, where is the train going in a hurry? Why wouldn’t it at least park?
Micah: Why are we blaming the train?
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Well, because it’s… no…
Show Intro
[Show music plays]
Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.
Eric Scull: I’m Eric.
Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.
Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.
Andrew: And we are your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books and the movies and the upcoming TV show, so make sure you press that follow button in your podcast app, and that way you’ll never miss an episode. And this week, don’t try to spy on your enemies without sharing your location. Our moms’ favorite MuggleCast segment, Chapter by Chapter, continues with Chapter 8 of Half-Blood Prince, “Snape Victorious.” Eric was kind of trolling the last two weeks, I feel like…
[Laura laughs]
Andrew: … they had written “highly acclaimed,” to preface what I just said there. And I thought you were making a reference to the Slug Club, Slughorn, that type of thing, but no, you were just bragging about Chapter by Chapter, you told me earlier this week?
Eric: Ahh. I was just bragging… you know, I feel like, after a certain number of years doing this, a certain number of episodes, we can start calling our own segments “highly acclaimed.”
Andrew: Fair.
Eric: But I immediately felt nervous about that, and so I changed it up this week, and thanks for reading just whatever I write in the doc there. [laughs]
Laura: It’s a lot of trust.
Andrew: Yeah, I know. I had a Ron Burgundy moment. But I will say, speaking of incredible women, remember, MuggleCast was featured in Oprah’s favorite book podcast on her website…
Laura: That’s right.
Eric: I’d forgotten about that.
Andrew: … so we could also say Oprah’s favorite segment.
Eric: Oprah’s favorite…!
Laura: Oh, man!
Eric: See? There’s no limit to this. Let’s keep going. Let’s keep hyping up our Chapter by Chapter.
[Andrew laughs]
Laura: Well, and we don’t even have to throw an “allegedly” in there to cover ourselves, because it actually is.
Andrew: It’s true.
Laura: I’m proud of us, y’all.
Eric: Does anybody have a physical copy of that? Oprah O Magazine, was it?
Andrew: No, I think it was online only. But it’s still online, so you can find it.
Eric: Okay.
News
Andrew: Well, before we get to Oprah’s favorite segment, Chapter by Chapter…
[Laura and Micah laugh]
Andrew: … we have some “Aww” news to report. Dan Radcliffe wrote a letter to the new actor playing Harry Potter in the TV show, Dominic McLaughlin. And I just want to say, “Aww!”
Eric: Aww.
Andrew: He said, “I wrote to Dominic and sent him a letter and he sent me a very sweet note back. I don’t want to be a specter in the life of these children but I just wanted to write him to say, ‘I hope you have the best time, and an even better time than I did – I had a great time, but I hope you have an even better time,” Radcliffe said. “And I do, I just see these pictures of him and the other kids and I just want to hug them. They just seem so young. I just look at them and say, ‘Oh, it’s crazy I was doing that at that age.’ But it’s also incredibly sweet and I hope they’re having a great time.” I just thought that was heartwarming to know that he did that.
Laura: Yeah, it’s very cute.
Eric: It’s so heartwarming. There’s a video of this appearance on Good Morning America, and it is so… it’s just as sweet. It’s just… it shows that we really lucked out with the best Harry the first time around, and there’s such good will from that Harry into the new Harry and to all the young actors, and I just… every day I see a clip with DanRad, I’m like, “We don’t deserve DanRad.”
Andrew: Well, before we continue, it’s the holiday shopping season. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. Thanksgiving next week in America.
Eric: Yay! We’re thankful for all of you.
Andrew: We sure are. And to show you our appreciation, we have some Black Friday specials to tell you all about. First, our Patreon keeps the show running as smoothly as snow falls on Hogwarts’s highest peaks, and we now have our best offer of the year. Get 20% off an annual membership to our Patreon; just visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and sign up for an annual subscription at the Dumbledore’s Army or Slug Club level. This will guarantee you next year’s physical gift, plus a year of ad-free episodes, bonus episodes, access to our member-only Potter communities, and a lot more. This offer is only available to new or former patrons. Again, that’s Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and click the promotional banner at the top, or use code “HOLIDAY” at checkout. I just mentioned bonus MuggleCast; what are we doing this week, Micah?
Micah: Well, in addition to being thankful for our listeners, we’re going to be doing a Thanksgiving-themed bonus MuggleCast segment talking about which of the Hogwarts Houses would host the best Thanksgiving feast. We’re also going to do a little bit of character analysis, maybe try and figure out who would give the best Thanksgiving toast, who would be the worst Thanksgiving dinner guest… we all have that one uncle; that’s really what I’m angling for there.
[Andrew laughs]
Micah: Who would win the pumpkin pie eating contest? So we’re going to have a lot of fun with it, and that’s coming up in bonus MuggleCast.
Eric: I feel like for this, there is a right answer, and it’s not close.
Micah: [laughs] There are no wrong answers.
Eric: Well, we’ll see. Can’t wait to get to bonus and talk about that.
Andrew: And a reminder, Patreon memberships can be gifted; just click the gift option when you go to sign up. So maybe you should add a Patreon membership to your wish list for Santa this year. Another perk we have during this holiday season: Get 20% off all merchandise at MuggleCastMerch.com. Get cozy this winter with maybe a MuggleCast hoodie, or Laura’s pants; those are highly acclaimed…
Laura: For real.
Eric: Soft, too.
Andrew: … or maybe a long sleeve tee. And if you’re down under, stay cool this summer with a short sleeve tee or crop top. Just use code “HOLIDAY,” once again, and check out. Laura, we’ve got to get you a pair of those pants. Have we ordered you a pair of those pants yet?
Laura: No, I actually just need to go ahead and ask you for a pair.
Andrew: Yeah. [laughs]
Laura: Although, here’s the thing: Am I going to wear those out anywhere? [laughs]
Andrew: Yes! [laughs] Do it for the show.
Eric: Listen, Laura, this is a unique circumstance, because any pants you wear are Laura’s pants.
Laura: That’s true.
Andrew: That is true.
Laura: But I’m just going to have to explain to my neighbors when I walk outside and they see me wearing pants that say “Laura’s pants.”
Andrew: [laughs] I’m with you. That would be embarrassing.
Laura: There’s just going to be a lot of questions.
Andrew: “What an ego on her, huh?”
Eric: You should just be like, “Look, I’ve had to put my name on them because people keep taking them. Ugh!”
Andrew: Oh, that’s a good strategy.
Laura: That’s true. I can just be like, “Listen, it all starts 20 years ago when I got involved in this Harry Potter podcast, and then I traveled to LA one time for Podcast Awards, and I forgot a pair of my pants there, and they had to be mailed home to me. That’s the origin story.” But imagine me telling people in real life.
Micah: Imagine those looks that you would get.
Laura: Yeah, yeah.
Micah: But you could also say, “Look, they’re really comfortable. Feel free to order a pair of your own.”
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Andrew: MuggleCastMerch.com!
Micah: “20% off.”
Laura: “We’ve got Black Friday sales going on right now.” [laughs]
Andrew: So help us out and get some fantastic deals in return. All offers end Friday, December 19, which actually is Laura’s birthday, so act now.
Laura: Wow.
Andrew: Yeah. Okay, we’ve definitely got to get Laura a pair before her birthday. I mean…
Laura: Yeah, for real.
Andrew: I’ll work on that. If you’re looking for other ways to support us, you can leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, or you can tell a fellow Muggle about our show.
Chapter by Chapter: Pensieve
Andrew: And now it’s time for Chapter by Chapter: Half-Blood Prince Chapter 8, “Snape Victorious.”
Eric: Last time we talked about this chapter was way back on MuggleCast 388, and that episode was titled “Grudge Victorious,” for October 8, 2018. Lot of eights. And in this clip that we’re about to hear, a listener sasses us, and we sass them back.
Dumbledore: What you are looking at are memories. This is the most important memory I’ve collected. It is from MuggleCast Episode 388.
[Sound of memory uncorking]
[Sound of plunging into Pensieve]
Eric: My question is, when Tonks and Harry jump off the train, the train is in motion. Where exactly does the Hogwarts Express have to be that it’s in such a damn hurry to get there?
Micah: You’d think she’d also be able to stop the train. If she’s going in to search it, she could just tell the conductor that she needs a couple minutes because she’s looking for Harry.
Eric: I mean, she’s an Auror, for crying out loud. You’re right.
Micah: It’s more dramatic, though, and that’s why this is almost a movie scene, right? Jumping from the train onto the platform before it goes back to London. I think, more than anything else, it sounds like something that would be well adapted to screen. I don’t really see the point of it in the book.
[Eric laughs]
Micah: Justin Sharkey says, “The conductor has to go back to their family, duh.” [laughs]
Eric: But Hogsmeade is a wizarding village, duh, so why can’t his family just live there? I don’t know.
[Sound of exiting Pensieve]
Dumbledore: This memory is everything.
Andrew: That train has places to be.
Micah: Choo-choo.
Laura: Yeah, conductor, just move your entire family to a different village. [laughs]
Andrew: Micah, you did mention the scene getting adapted, so maybe we’ll have another chance with the television series.
Eric: Oooh.
Micah: Maybe.
Laura: Well, I’m glad that we actually…
[“Max that” sound effect plays]
Andrew: Go ahead. Keep talking, Laura.
[Eric and Laura laugh]
Laura: No, you’re fine.
Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion
Laura: I’m glad that we actually featured that clip ahead of this discussion, because that’s really where this chapter picks up, is Harry being immobilized with a broken nose under the Invisibility Cloak after Draco finds him out at the end of the last chapter. And as was kind of pointed out, the movie changed the circumstance under which Harry was found. Of course, in the book, it’s Tonks that finds him, but in the movie, it’s Luna. So that was an area where they completely retconned the story, and stepped away from developing any of the Tonks and Lupin characterization and their relationship, which kind of makes their scenes in Deathly Hallows have less impact, I think. Does that strike anyone else as…? Why would viewers who haven’t read the books feel connected to the relationship between these two people and the tragedy of their outstretched hands and their dead bodies in the Great Hall, reaching out for each other?
Andrew: I agree with you. Those two moments were, in a way, fan service because of the lack of buildup that we weren’t getting in Half-Blood Prince, the movie.
Eric: That’s it, yeah.
Andrew: But I do like Luna coming to save Harry. It is a nice friendship development.
Laura: Well, and a nod to Nargles. Wasn’t it in the movie they said that she saw he had Nargles or something?
Eric: Well, it’s visible. You can see these tiny little floaty thingies in the shape of basically where his cloak is, so I mean… may not be Nargles; may be Wrackspurts. I’m not quite sure, but it’s under the Spectre-vision. I really like that little touch. But to your point, Laura, the character development of Tonks, or lack thereof, and her subplot… it’s gone from the movies, and by the time I’m watching part two of Deathly Hallows, I’m just like, “Oh, look, it’s that woman from Movie 5 and that guy from Movie 3. They’re holding hands, almost.” [laughs]
Laura: Right.
Micah: In fairness to Lupin, though, he was developed to an extent in Movie 3.
Eric: They’re also both just mostly absent from these books. It’s like Tonks, to my memory, isn’t in many major scenes left in this book, so to bring Nat Tena on for that scene… they made a decision, I guess. And I do ultimately like Luna finding him, but in the book, it’s a great way to get information from what else is going on, and just to understand, for Harry to understand, the increase in security that’s been placed on Hogwarts in general.
Laura: Yeah. Well, there’s just a lot of subtext that we get provided to us through these interactions, and we’ll talk about that more in a moment. But right before Tonks discovers Harry, Harry does have this sinking feeling that the train is about to take off, and it truly is; he feels it lurch as though it’s about to leave the station. Tonks finds him, and they jump off the train, but I’m wondering, what if no one had discovered Harry was missing before the train left? I mean, he would have been stuck all the way back to London, and that makes me wonder, how long would the immobilization have held? Presumably not forever, not indefinitely, right?
Eric: Right.
Laura: Because… I mean, do we ever get an answer about that, about how long something like this can last? I would think him also being geographically so far away from where it was cast would have an impact too.
Eric: I think these spells quite often wear off. I mean, not immediately, but I think at one point, Neville gets the Leg-Locker Curse put on him or something, and he’s hopping around. And sometimes it’s until somebody waves their wand and does the counter-curse, but I think something like Petrificus Totalus just slowly wears off.
Andrew: Yeah. It would be very, very dangerous if that type of thing could last forever. And you would think maybe the body was slowly but surely working to kind of break free of that. The resistance would somewhat wear it down over time.
Laura: You would think, yeah.
Micah: That’s a good point.
Andrew: But yeah, I mean, if the train had fully left, he probably wouldn’t have been found until they got back to Platform Nine and Three Quarters or wherever the conductor is sleeping that night.
Laura: Well, yeah, I mean, at that point, I’m sure there would have been a panic, because Tonks did note that she didn’t see him get off the train, so they know that he’s missing.
Andrew: “Stop that train!”
Laura: But I think it’s a good reminder that… wasn’t it Montague that got stuck in the Vanishing Cabinet for a month?
[Eric laughs]
Laura: So I guess I’m just saying this feels like it could be a potential security nightmare. Maybe part of the procedures of boarding and de-boarding the Hogwarts Express…
Eric: There it is.
Laura: … is that somebody should sweep the train and then cast… what’s the…? Revelio. Or is that just Hogwarts Legacy? I can’t remember.
Micah: Homenum Revelio. It’s used in Grimmauld Place in Deathly Hallows.
Laura: There we go.
Eric: Yeah, but again, where is the train going in a hurry? Why wouldn’t it at least park?
Micah: Why are we blaming the train?
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Well, because it’s… no, it’s the most random thing in the entire world. This has never happened… it’s not like Harry gets off the train every year and it all of a sudden zooms the hell away. This is a thing that has never been shown to happen, but Draco somehow just magically knows that, “Yeah, it’s going to be back in London. See you. Enjoy London, Potter,” and he walks off. It’s a random ass thing, put in at the last possible second to shock Harry, then it turns out it’s real, and the train is really leaving, and it’s the forced way to get him to feel sorry about something that’s about to happen to him.
Micah: I think we’re over-sensationalizing this whole situation a little bit, because it’s not like he’s going somewhere dangerous. I liken it to if you fall asleep on a train here in New York, you’re probably going to end up maybe in the rail yard, worst case scenario, assuming a conductor doesn’t come by and wake you up, which, yes, they should be doing a sweep of the train; I agree with you, Laura. Somebody should before departing, and just making sure every… perhaps there are some kids who are hiding out in there that don’t want to go to school; they want to go back home or just go goof off somewhere.
Eric: Yeah! Where’s the trolley lady? She should be… isn’t she meticulous about this kind of thing?
Andrew: That’s another one of her duties. But I do think even though it was a short-lived moment for Harry, waiting for Tonks, I do wonder if this was a traumatic or a triggering event for him, because he was held prisoner, basically, in a cupboard under the stairs, a confined space, wasn’t really allowed to leave, with no one thinking or caring about him as a child, and now here he is again, trapped and thinking that no one was looking or caring for him. He feels that way. He said there was “no hint of a search being made,” and he had a “feeling of hopelessness spread through him.” It kind of reminds me of how he might have felt under the cupboard. So again, it was a short moment, but maybe it would have been more traumatic had he gone all the way back to Platform Nine and Three Quarters. So yeah, maybe it wouldn’t have been the worst deal on paper, but I think that would have been a really bad situation for Harry’s mental health if he’s trapped heading all the way back there.
Eric: I like that.
Andrew: That’s a long ride, too, it seems like.
Eric and Laura: Yeah.
Eric: Hours. I’m going to actually push back against what Micah has said about it not being dangerous, too, because if you think about how they’ve been escorting Harry every step of the way, the Ministry drivers… he needed an escort in Diagon Alley, which just turned out to be Hagrid, but it was going to be more Aurors. There’s now… Tonks is eyeing the train she’s been assigned; she and three other Aurors have been assigned to Hogsmeade. So they’re taking security very seriously, but if Harry were on the train just barreling down the English countryside from Scotland, heading south, that train is in open, wild land that is not protected. There’s no Aurors there. And so presumably, Harry would never be less safe than just barreling down the countryside in the Hogwarts Express.
Laura: Kind of a sitting duck, too, if he’s immobilized, right?
Andrew: Yeah, exactly.
Micah: But you can’t see him.
Eric: That’s true.
Micah: He’s not visible to the average eye.
Laura: Yeah, but if Draco…
Eric: Ohh.
Laura: I mean, we know Draco is already deep in with the Death Eaters at this point.
Eric: Touches his tat…
Laura: He could just touch his Dark Mark, reach out to people, and be like, “Yo, Harry Potter is on the Hogwarts Express all by himself. Go get him.”
Andrew: Moving through an unprotected area. Yeah, for hours.
Micah: In fairness, though, too, he was just as exposed on the way to Hogwarts. There weren’t any Aurors on the train that we know about.
Eric: There were teachers.
Micah: Slughorn?
Eric: Hundreds of students…
Andrew: Slughorn, students… on the way back to Platform Nine and Three Quarters I’m thinking of a Breaking Bad style heist. You know the train scene where they rob it of whatever that material was?
Laura: [gasps] Yes. Oh, God. Incredible.
Andrew: [laughs] The Death Eaters would stop the train, and then other Death Eaters would go in and extract Harry.
Micah: Well, despite all of my arguments, I do think that Harry should be priority number one here, and this is in no way trying to be disrespectful towards Tonks, but that train should have been swarming with Aurors when Harry did not come off of it.
Laura: Yep.
Micah: I think there should have been a full inquiry into what happened to Harry. Nobody really asks him why he’s late, and we can talk more about that as he makes his way up to the school. And Draco should have been punished for it. I know Harry was eavesdropping, but Draco attacked him. Broke his nose.
Eric: Yeah, it’s a tricky circumstance. The only people that he would talk to about it… he’s aware that people are eavesdropping, so he’s not going to mention it at the table. Snape doesn’t care, and he can’t tell Snape in particular, because Snape would be like, “Well, what were you doing listening to Draco Malfoy and sneaking into the cupboard?” He would give him more points taken away from Gryffindor than he already does, which is a shitty thing we’ll talk about later. But yeah, it’s just that Harry can’t talk about it. There’s nobody that he trusts. But I don’t know why Dumbledore isn’t down there. This is kind of a big deal; Harry Potter didn’t step off the train. That’s a big deal. Certainly, the train needs some kind of signal clearance or something to leave. I wonder who gave that clearance. They should lose their job.
[Andrew laughs]
Laura: Yeah. It is a great call-out, because Harry is a key player, and we’ll talk about this a little bit later, but there are certain conversations that we know have happened at this point that we don’t find out about until Book 7, between Dumbledore and Snape, confirming the status of Harry’s role in all of this. And it is kind of shocking that, given the kind of tail that they’ve had on him in the past – thinking about Order of the Phoenix, for example – it is a little bit shocking that there’s not more attention to detail here, but I may just be catastrophizing. Anxiety will do that to you.
Andrew: Anxiety and a shorter chapter – so we need more material to discuss – will do that to you.
[Eric laughs]
Laura: Exactly! Okay. Yeah, there we go.
Eric: We’re just trying to get more clips for social, everybody. “Everyone who works on Hogwarts Rail should be fired!”
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Laura: So Tonks is still pretty subdued. The last time Harry saw her, of course, was with Mrs. Weasley at the Burrow where she was being consoled about her love issues with Remus. And she’s once again shown up, she’s not her usual vibrant self, but something that really sticks out is when she sends her Patronus to send a message up to the school that Harry is there, we see that her… well, I don’t think it’s called out explicitly in the book, but we know it to be a wolf, and that her Patronus, we find out later, actually changed after she fell in love with Remus. And according to all fandom wikis and HarryPotter.com, her original Patronus was a jackrabbit, which definitely feels a lot more characteristic of the Tonks that we know in the books than a wolf does. So as a reminder, Patronuses can change, and HarryPotter.com calls out that the things that can cause a Patronus to change are bereavement, falling in love, or profound shifts in a person’s character. And I’ve got to be honest, the falling in love examples that we get are bleak. I think the only two we get are Remus and Tonks, and Snape and Lily, because Snape’s Patronus is a doe, which is very much reminiscent of his feelings towards Lily. So it kind of, I don’t know, makes me wonder if it’s actually love that causes the Patronus to change, or is it the trauma that just happens to coincide with the love in these instances that makes it happen?
Eric: I think both of these could somewhat be considered bereavement, really.
Andrew: Agree.
Eric: Because to that aspect, there are a lot of things I don’t like about this moment and this fact that her Patronus has taken Lupin’s form. This romance, or would-be romance, is kind of out of the blue. It’s a bit ham-fisted. It’s never really properly, I think, delved into or set. But for Tonks, I guess this means… okay, so she caught feelings for Remus. Presumably, they were working together in the Order, even though Remus is often sent off alone with the werewolves. Somehow they’ve been interacting, she catches feelings for him, he has feelings for her – there’s a spark there, according to canon – but he is worried he’s older than her and that he’s no good for her, and so he rebuffs her and says, “No.” Okay. At this time, she’s so distraught; she just wants to be with him, nobody else. Not your typical kid, “Wotcher, Harry,” always “I’ll make the best out of this as possible.” She’s so miserable that her hair no longer can change to pink. She doesn’t do it. She just completely dresses down, goes by Molly’s for tea, is miserable, and her Patronus changes, which barely never happens. That’s how miserable she is over losing Lupin’s romantic interest? Or unrequited love? I don’t know. I just think that in the end, Snape has no business telling her that her new Patronus looks “weak,” because he is the other character we just talked about whose Patronus changed for love, and I don’t think people who live in glass houses should throw stones that large.
Laura: I think people with deep insecurities have a tendency to project those insecurities onto other people, and I think that’s what’s happening here.
Eric: That makes sense.
Laura: But yeah, totally. Snape is being an absolute butthead here.
[Andrew laughs]
Laura: Because he’s not dumb; I’m sure he can read between the lines and understand what’s going on here.
Andrew: It is fascinating to me that to show emotion for someone can imply weakness, in Snape’s mind. But then Snape, who still loves Lily – whose Patronus is a doe, the same as Lily’s – calls her love Patronus, let’s call it, weak? That’s kind of crazy to me! But the connection there is fascinating, that he would call somebody else’s Patronus weak when his Patronus is a doe because of his love for Lily. Wow. And who cares if you have a Patronus that looks weak, even? If it’s still a strong Patronus… unless he meant the projection was weak? But I don’t…
Eric: Well, maybe it’s the movie wolf. The movie version of Lupin looks pretty weak, if you ask me.
[Micah laughs]
Eric: It’s kind of just a wonky character design, so I completely understand where Snape is coming from in that moment. But no, it’s ridiculously hypocritical. But to love someone is to make yourself vulnerable. The Patronus, though, is a protector figure, it’s a protector character, so even if her Patronus changed to a wolf, her relationship with her Patronus should be that of, “This is my protector. This is my chosen…” So it shouldn’t, I don’t know, make her sad to see it, or nobody making fun of her Patronus should hurt her. I don’t know; I just find this whole moment to be large scale retconning or redaction or character assassination, of what was a very cool Hufflepuff character built up in the previous book, reduced to rubble of a person for reasons not properly explained ever and barely hinted at throughout this book. It’s a shame.
Micah: Just to go off the point of maybe the projection itself being weak, it’s pretty… I think it’s sensible to argue that Tonks maybe finds it very difficult in this moment to try and cast a Patronus. She’s trying to think of something that is happy, and her state of mind is not one of happiness.
Laura: No, not at all. It definitely…
Micah: I’m not trying to give Snape an out here, but you can read it on both levels.
Laura: Oh yeah, for sure. I think both can be true. It also just makes me wonder more about the details of the goings-on between Remus and Tonks at this point, because the… I mean, of course everyone’s different, but reading into this, this doesn’t read just as unrequited love; it reads as like there’s maybe been some confusion on her part, and maybe something got started and then he pulled away from her. I guess to me, that feels like a more likely scenario resulting in this particular outcome, but that’s for the fanfiction writers to help us figure out.
Andrew: [laughs] Well, then you mix in the fact that we’re in a war now, and that’s going to be stressful on a relationship too, especially if you’re both working in the Order of the Phoenix. There’s no time for romance! You dedicate all your time to Dumbledore and what he wants, what he needs.
[Laura laughs]
Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Tonks, go to Hogsmeade.” [imitating Tonks] “Oh, fine, but I don’t get to see my boo as much.”
Laura: Well, speaking of Patronuses, I just wanted to bring up quickly, apparently you can still take the Patronus quiz on HarryPotter.com. I didn’t know this.
Andrew: Oh.
Laura: So just quickly, I wanted to point out you do have to make a new account. If you go into your original account, you’ll still have your original Patronus. So I made a new account and took the Patronus quiz…
Eric: Oooh.
Laura: … and my Patronus did change since I took this quiz back in… Jesus… oh, sorry, cut that out.
[Everyone laughs]
Andrew: That’s fine.
Eric: “Since Jesus!”
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Eric: The Common Era.
Laura: That’s a long time ago! But since, whatever, 10 plus, 15 years ago when I took this?
Andrew: 10 BC, Laura did her Patronus test.
Laura: [laughs] My Patronus originally was an Irish wolfhound, but today, it’s a Great Dane. Still a dog, which I feel like fits, but it was interesting to me that they’re very specific about different breeds of dog. I didn’t know how many they had on there. Anyone else get a different Patronus now?
Eric and Micah: Yeah.
Micah: I also had a change in Patronus. I had a sparrowhawk, which is a small bird, and when I retook it today, I got an Abraxan winged horse.
Laura: Oh!
Micah: These are the horses that pull the carriages of Beauxbatons.
Eric: Wow.
Laura: That’s a big change.
Eric: That’s a big horse!
Micah: Still a flying creature, but yeah, my Pokémon evolved.
[Laura laughs]
Eric: It sure did. That’s definitely a glow-up. Yeah, and I actually felt a pretty big attachment to my original Patronus, which was a stoat; it’s a type of weasel found only in Britain, last seen in the Harry Potter books when Hagrid gives the children stoat sandwiches. [laughs] I still remember tweeting J.K. Rowling ages ago, saying, “If I get a stoat sandwich in real life, can I consume my Patronus to gain its power?” And I did not get a reply, but I thought it was funny. Today I took it and the quiz said that my Patronus was a basset hound.
Laura: Oh, that’s so sweet. I love basset hounds.
Eric: It’s adorable. So I think I’m just getting… I was cute a few years ago, and now I’m just a sweetheart.
Andrew: So I didn’t retake it, but my Patronus is the white mare, which is a triumphant steed.
Eric: Love it.
Andrew: Yeah, I’ll take it. I would have preferred a dog or an otter or something, something really cute, but a horse, sure.
Laura: MuggleCast stallion over here, Andrew Sims.
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Micah: I’m a horse.
Andrew: My horse’s name is Bubba.
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Laura: Okay, so once Tonks is out of the picture – because Snape, of course, is the staff member who came down to escort Harry back up to the school, and he spent a couple of minutes bullying Tonks – and once she’s out of the picture, he’s like, “Well, gotta bully the only other person here. So your turn, Harry. You’re up.” And he immediately begins accusing Harry of being late getting off the train simply because he thinks Harry wants to make some kind of grand entrance for attention. He says something like, “What, you couldn’t find a flying car this time?” It’s just…
Micah: Yeah. Nice.
[Eric laughs]
Micah: Connecting the threads back to Chamber of Secrets.
Laura: Right. And it’s, again, just continued… Snape is all about projection. All of his fears and all of his insecurities, and every negative thing he has to say about another person, I am convinced it is rooted in his own self-loathing. And a lot of this, I think, is just a projection of his beef with James, because it’s probably something James would have done based on the teenage version of him that we knew.
Micah: I think, though, you have to give Harry a lot of credit for not taking the bait here. He is really stewing, and you wouldn’t blame him for lashing back out at Snape, but he actually keeps himself fairly well-contained. And just shame on Snape for not asking what happened to Harry, because his face is literally covered in blood, and you’d think just a normal human reaction – forget about the fact that he’s a professor, that he’s a Head of House, that he’s in the Order – no, there’s no bit of empathy here.
Eric: Well, and this is the second big Snape-focused chapter of this book. “Spinner’s End” showed us what an amazing, double agent, competent, plays both sides, has an answer for every inquiry, just utterly amazing character Snape is, and this chapter shows what a petty, childish, unfair, unsympathetic jerk he is, and it’s wild that that’s the same character.
Micah: The title reflects that, right? He has this arrogance throughout the entire chapter, and we learn why at the very end, but it’s just like he’s walking around with this… I’m not going to say it, because… this air of arrogance. I’ll just leave it there.
Andrew: Thank you for not saying Jesus again. We appreciate that.
[Laura laughs]
Andrew: That would have been too much for one episode.
Micah: No, I was going to say… you could cut this out, but it’s like he’s got a DADA [censored]-on basically the whole time, and he’s just…
[Andrew laughs]
Eric: Yeah, that wasn’t what I was thinking you were going to say. Okay.
[Everyone laughs]
Andrew: We’ll censor it.
Laura: I do want to call out, actually, I think relevant to this conversation, Justin in our Discord is reminding us that Snape is in an Unbreakable Vow to help Draco, so there’s not much he can do here, right?
Eric: Yeah, he can’t expel Draco. He can’t punish Draco.
Laura: Right.
Eric: Even if he heard what had happened or who attacked Harry, there’s not a lot that can be done. Even less than usual. Even less than what he would be inclined to do.
Andrew: He could express empathy still, though, like Micah suggested. Or just say, “I’ll look into this,” and then he doesn’t follow up, but at least he’s kind of acting like he’s caring. I also wonder if it’s possible that Snape was taunting Harry so much because he really did want to know what happened, why Harry was late, so he tried to make him crack under the pressure of all the bullying. But Harry does say he would rather have been immobilized all the way back to London than tell Snape why he was late, so he did win… Harry was victorious in that way.
Eric: Honestly, the rate the train was going to get off the platform, he would have been back in London already and wouldn’t have had to deal with Snape at all.
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Eric: So I get it. But yeah, no, I think, too, with this whole situation, it’s crazy because the book even says Harry is surprised that Snape can’t react to the waves of hate, the rays of hate that are radiating out of Harry, and I’m just like, “Yeah, that’s these two guys’ relationship to one another now.” They are destined not to like each other, but this is their book, remember? This is Snape’s book in particular. It’s going to continue to be a really fascinating interaction, I think. Anytime that they interact and anytime we see Snape doing something is going to be a character study in who he is as a character. I’m excited to pull back more layers of things that we didn’t really notice before.
Micah: And how convenient that the chapter that follows “Snape Victorious” is “The Half-Blood Prince.”
Eric: Titular.
Laura: Yeah, stuff you didn’t pick up on the first time you were reading this book.
Micah: No. But I did want to just connect another thread I was thinking of when we were talking about Snape’s arrogance: It’s very similar to the arrogance we see from another Defense Against the Dark Arts professor in Chamber of Secrets.
Laura: Ah, yeah. I love that connection, because whereas Lockhart was objectively not qualified to be teaching that, I think it’s safe to say that Snape, at least in terms of his credentials on paper, would be qualified to teach this subject.
Micah: Totally.
Laura: What do you think?
Micah: I agree, yeah. I think Snape is probably most equipped to teach this position than even Potions, as good as he is at that, and we learn a lot about that in this book. But Laura, you mentioned earlier the grand entrance comment, and I know we talked a little bit about that tieback to Chamber of Secrets, but it was also Snape who received Harry and Ron following their incident in Chamber of Secrets with the Whomping Willow. In both of those instances, Harry misses the Sorting. So he misses it in Chamber of Secrets, and he misses it here in Half-Blood Prince.
Andrew: Which as a reader is a bummer every time that happens in this series.
Micah: It is.
Andrew: You want to hear the song, you want to hear and see students being Sorted…
Micah: I was looking back, too, to see if there was any correlation in the number of points that were taken, but in Chamber, Ron is actually smart enough to say to McGonagall, “Well, you shouldn’t take any points, because the term technically hadn’t started yet when we stole the car.”
Eric: Oh, man!
Micah: But I don’t think Harry was able to get out of the situation and say, “Well, technically, when I was attacked on the train, the term hadn’t started yet.”
[Andrew laughs]
Laura: Yeah, don’t think that would fly.
Eric: I think the point-taking is where Snape goes too far. He does it because he can, but there’s many reasons that shouldn’t happen, especially because his students are as guilty or had a part in it too.
Laura: Yeah, but I think he also probably knows Harry’s got bigger fish to fry, too, and so he’s taking advantage of that, right? Harry has bigger priorities than getting Draco in trouble for assaulting him on the train, and Snape knows that, so he’s taking the moment to take a dig at Harry, kind of in like a, “Haha, you can’t do anything about this.”
Eric: Well, the whole reason Snape is here is because he intercepted the Patronus. That was supposed to go to Hagrid! Hagrid should have been down here to greet Harry, and Snape was, “Nope, I got this,” and runs with it, and then goes and makes Harry miserable.
Laura: You all mentioned how Harry missed the Sorting Hat; he also basically missed dinner, because he sits down and he’s about to serve himself some dinner, and the dinner disappears and the desserts appear.
Andrew: Womp-womp.
Laura: I know, it’s such a bummer. But once the feast is cleared, Dumbledore gives his customary start of the term speech, and this is where he drops the bomb that new Professor Slughorn is going to be teaching Potions, and Snape is finally getting a shot at Defense Against the Dark Arts. It’s not only shocking, but I have to think it has to feel like somewhat of a betrayal for Harry, no?
Eric: Yeah, it’s not as if Dumbledore ever promised not to appoint Snape Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, [laughs] like personally promised Harry, but Harry is racking his brain to figure out if Dumbledore lied to him, and then he can’t remember him saying that Slughorn was ever for Potions. It does feel like a betrayal. And I think, too, what Harry is most worried about is what Snape will do with all this power. This is the job that Snape has always wanted, and it can mean nothing good. Harry feels just like with Draco…
Micah: And this is the course that Harry loves the most.
Eric: Yeah, that’s true too.
Laura: And Dumbledore knows that! He knows this is Harry’s favorite class, so… [laughs]
Andrew: Yeah, his precious corner of Hogwarts is being violated.
Micah: Wasn’t there a mention, though…? It was an indirect mention by Dumbledore – maybe it was before Harry left the shed to go into the Burrow – about his OWL results and Potions.
Eric: Yeah, “Don’t count your owls before they arrive,” or something like that.
Andrew: Hmm.
Laura: Yeah. Well, because he knows that Slughorn doesn’t require an Outstanding OWL in order to take his NEWT level courses.
Micah: Yeah, but we didn’t know that then.
Laura: Right. It’s all coming together.
Eric: So Dumbledore is toying with Harry about that, pretty much.
Laura: Oh, the chess master at work once again.
[Andrew laughs]
Eric: It’s always sad when he turns his powers for bad against Harry.
Andrew: I’m so glad Rachel, who’s listening live on our Patreon right now, just said, “Harry yelling out ‘No’ out loud is so funny.” I had the same reaction, too, and while reading, it reminded me of something, but I couldn’t place it. But then a half hour ago, I finally recognized where my mind is putting that moment in pop culture.
[Audio clip plays]
Michael Scott: No, God! No, God, please, no. No! Noooo! Noooooo!
[Andrew and Laura laugh]
Andrew: That’s Michael Scott on The Office learning that Toby was coming back, a very kind of similar situation.
Laura: Right. Oh, that’s so funny. [laughs]
Andrew: I wanted us to do impressions of Harry, but no, this is way better. Michael Scott going, “No!”
Laura: It’s perfect.
Eric: That’s so good.
Laura: [laughs] Somebody superimpose Dan Radcliffe’s face over Michael Scott’s face for that.
[Andrew laughs]
Laura: But something else I wanted to call out here as we get close to wrapping up this chapter: Harry thinks about the curse, and he actually speaks some of this into existence out loud, where he’s like, “Well, hopefully he dies,” or something like that. He’s like, “Hoping for a death.”
Eric: Yeah!
Laura: And everyone seems to be pretty aware that Snape is only going to be able to serve in this position for a year because of the curse, but this is ultimately the setup to position Snape as the Headmaster in Book 7 so that he can protect the school.
Andrew: I wonder what I was thinking reading this for the first time, because yes, history does tell us that this jinx is real and Snape will be out of that position, but did I believe it? It almost seemed too good to be true. It seemed too obvious.
Laura: Yeah, I agree. And I think we have had other examples over the course of the series where we had something kind of dangled in front of us like that, where it felt too good to be true. Maybe… it could even just be looking at the curse when we looked at someone like Umbridge, and thinking, “Is it too good to be true that we’re actually going to be rid of her in a book?”
Eric: Right.
Andrew: [laughs] Yeah.
Eric: Or Harry going to live with Sirius. That was dangled very briefly.
Laura: [sighs] Yeah, yeah.
Andrew: But here in this moment, we’re actually reminded that Snape will be out by the end of the year. I don’t think… I can’t remember, but at the start of Order of the Phoenix, were they thinking about that? Were they thinking about this curse?
Eric: No, I think they were hung up on how crazy it was that the Ministry was interfering at Hogwarts.
Andrew and Laura: Yeah.
Eric: What I find satisfying…
Micah: But it had to…
Eric: Oh, yeah?
Micah: No, going off of what you were saying, Andrew, I think that it had to have raised so many questions for us as readers the first time around, because we’re sitting here saying to ourselves, “Okay, well, then where does that take us at the end of this book, right? What does that mean for Book 7? Where’s Snape going? Is he surviving?” But unfortunately for Harry, his death wish results in losing the Headmaster instead of the Potions Master.
Eric: Shame.
Laura: Yeah, you’re right. There is a death there, and there is a curse that has an expiration date on it for Dumbledore, right? It’s just not the one Harry is thinking of.
Andrew: Beggars can’t be choosers.
Odds & Ends
Laura: All right, so we are back, and we’re going to get into a couple of odds and ends here. I just wanted to call out how Nearly Headless Nick is definitely a social climber. There’s that whole exchange at the table where he’s like, “Oh, yes, all the ghosts have been coming to me and asking me what I know about this situation with Harry Potter, and I told them that Harry Potter has my strictest confidence at all points, and I would never convey anything.”
[Andrew laughs]
Laura: And it’s like, “Bro, okay. He came and had one conversation with you – granted, not that long ago – but y’all are not close.” And I think we have one other parallel here; not sure who put this one in.
Eric: Oh, yeah, that was something I put in. So the chapter starts… we pointed this out during our last discussion; it bears repeating. Harry being immobilized under the cloak at the start of this chapter may be looking forward to the end of this book, “The Lightning-Struck Tower,” when Harry is once again immobilized under his Invisibility Cloak, this time by Dumbledore.
Andrew: Good catch, good catch.
Superlative of the Week
Laura: All right, we are going to get into our MVP of the Week, and this week, we’re looking at Harry and Dumbledore and their various war wounds that we see in this chapter, Harry with his broken nose and Dumbledore with his decrepit hand. So I’m asking who wore their injury better, Harry or Dumbledore?
[MVP of the Week music plays]
Andrew: I’m going to say Dumbledore. I kind of like the hand as an accessory. It’s kind of cool.
[Micah laughs]
Andrew: Harry is just attacked in the face, bleeding out of his face. That’s not… he just looks tired, exhausted.
Micah: He’s totally unaware of it, too. I’ll second you, Andrew, with Dumbledore; I think there’s also some symbolism to the fact that Dumbledore is standing up in front of the school with one of his hands blackened, talking about what’s to come.
Andrew: “Dark times lie ahead.”
Micah: But he owns it. Like I said, this whole book so far he’s been all about business, and he just kind of laughs in the face of danger, too. He’s like, “Hah, don’t worry about that. It’s just a little thing.”
Andrew: But it’s admirable. I think it’s admirable.
Micah: Yeah, yeah.
Laura: I was also going to say Dumbledore, purely because of how he very quietly picks up on the fact that all of these kids are hyper-focused on what the heck is wrong with his hand, and his response to that is to continue speaking, be undeterred, and he just gives a little shake of his arm, a little shake of his wrist, to shake his robes down his sleeve, down over the hand and keep it moving. I appreciate that.
Eric: I think that’s all very off-putting, and I’m going to give my MVP to Harry. I think that Harry’s injury makes him look cool or misunderstood, and Dumbledore’s just looks, besides gross, just looks like his ink pot exploded.
Lynx Line
Laura: All right, and now we are going to get into our Lynx Line. MuggleCast listeners who are Slug Club members over at Patreon.com/MuggleCast have answered this week’s question, which is: If Snape had never met Lily, what form do you think his Patronus would have taken?
Eric: Augh, love this question.
Andrew: We received so many more fun and creative answers. I just love our audience. Rachel said, “A chameleon. Those things do what they need to do to blend in and survive.”
Eric: So true. Karen says, “A bottle of Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion! Keep that shine!”
[Laura laughs]
Micah: Isn’t that where James made all his money?
Eric and Laura: Yeah.
Eric: It’s the Potters, yeah.
Micah: So he’s in love with James? Oh, anyway. [laughs] Julie says, “It’s obvious – a potions bottle!”
Laura: Jennifer says, “I think if he had never met Lily, he would have went full on Death Eater, and would not have been able to perform a Patronus at all.”
Andrew: Zachary said, “A yearling buck due to his deep obsession with James and Lily. Similar to the stag, but not quite developed enough.”
Eric: Betty says, “I’m going to say snake. Having a snake Patronus doesn’t mean he’s a Dark wizard; it could just signify his identity rooted more deeply in Slytherin, and he was obsessed with Slytherin before meeting Lily.”
Andrew: Mev said, “A Tasmanian devil.”
Micah: Jessie says, “Octopus – each arm represents all the different secrets/personas/facets that Snape has had to juggle over the years. They’re fiercely loyal and intelligent, but they’re also solitary. Plus, they’re just generally misunderstood, and I get a kick out of Snape thinking of the Giant Squid each time and being frustrated that this is his best representation, showing that he doesn’t even truly understand himself underneath it all.”
Eric: Wow.
Laura: Ooh, I love that. That’s really, really well thought out. Forty says, “A pair of old tighty whities.”
[Andrew laughs]
Laura: Well, apparently he does need some new ones, according to James, so…
Eric: Oh.
Andrew: Michael not Scott said, “Some unrecognizable creature in a bottle trying to get out. Instead of helping the user, it is used against them.”
Eric: Jared has a good one: “A raven. It fits Snape’s lonely and dreary vibe, like the poem ‘The Raven’ by Edgar Allen Poe.”
Micah: Michael, also not Scott, says, “My first thought was a bat, and in doing some research, there’s a ‘Spectral bat’ that is additionally the only member of the genus ‘Vampyrum,’ so I’m pretty satisfied with that.”
Andrew: Nice.
Laura: And Matthew rounds it out for us by saying, “Donkey, because he’s such an ass.”
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Zing!
Laura: Love it.
Andrew: The Lynx Line is a great way to have your voice heard on the show, whether or not you’re listening live. We love our live audience, but we know people can’t tune in every week because of timezones and work and busyness and all that, so this is a way to have your voice on the show. We ask a new question every week. Become a member of our community today by going to Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and receiving this and many more benefits, like bonus MC. And don’t forget, we have a special discount right now, 20% off an annual subscription. Just go to Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and you’ll see a banner for the deal at the top of the page. If you have feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. You can also reach out via social media or Spotify, whatever is convenient for you. And no new episode next week because of the Thanksgiving holiday, but two weeks from now, Chapter by Chapter – Oprah’s favorite – continues with Half-Blood Prince Chapter 9, “The Half-Blood Prince.” A chapter named this right after “Snape Victorious”? Easter egg much? Visit MuggleCast.com for links to our social media, Patreon, transcripts, our favorite episodes, and lots more. And if you’re looking for more podcasting from the four of us, listen to our other shows, Millennial and What the Hype?!, for more pop culture and real world talk.
Quizzitch
Andrew: And now it’s time for Quizzitch.
[Quizzitch music plays]
Eric: This week’s Quizzitch question: Name the author of the wildly successful book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Highly acclaimed, it was initially published in 1936. The correct answer to that question is Dale Carnegie! And 30% of people with the correct answer say they did not look it up, so they probably have a copy of that book on their bookshelves. Very exciting. This week’s winners were Cara; Cormac McLaggen Behind; Gwen Weasley; Hey Glo-glo; Tempeh Tommy; The Hair… or The Heir of Hufflepuff. I know that word. Tonks Rhinoplasty – best username ever – and our friend, Tofu Tom. Thanks to all who submitted, and here is next week’s Quizzitch question. It’s a multiple choice question for us for two weeks from now. In this chapter, Dumbledore exposes his injured right hand to the whole school. Roughly what percentage of people in the world are right-handed? Is it A) 55%, B) 65%, C) 75%, or D) 90%? So if you, like Dumbledore, are right-handed, you may be able to guess at this answer. Submit it to us on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, for the little Quizzitch form, or if you’re on our website checking out transcripts or must listens or anything else, click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav bar.
Andrew: Thanks, everyone, for listening. I’m Andrew.
Eric: I’m Eric.
Micah: I’m Micah.
Laura: And I’m Laura.
Andrew: Happy Thanksgiving! Pip-pip!
Laura: Happy Thanksgiving.
Eric: Pip-pip!