Transcript #685

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #685, The Not-So-Chosen One (OOTP Chapter 9, The Woes of Mrs. Weasley)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the Wizarding World fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: I’m Laura.

Andrew: And this week we are talking about the Harry Potter TV show because there’s been some news there, and we’re discussing Chapter 9 of Order of the Phoenix, “The Woes of Mrs. Weasley.” And while she may be experiencing some woes, Harry is innocent of all charges, and there are some new prefects on board, so get ready to par-tay. And joining us for today’s par-tay is MuggleCast listener, Slug Club supporter, and friend of the show, Rex! Hi, Rex! Welcome to MuggleCast.

Rex: Hey, thanks for having me. It’s been a dream.

Andrew: Aww. Well, Rex is actually part of the MuggleNet family, right? You’ve worked with MuggleNet over the years.

Rex: Yeah, I was with MuggleNet from July 2019 to September ’23 doing various social media. I was on SpeakBeasty for a minute, as well as Alohomora, as well as doing… I think in 2022 they did the Promptly Potter, and I was also on that.

Andrew: Very cool.

Eric: Awesome.

Andrew: Well, we’re excited to have you on. And can we get your fandom ID as well?

Rex: So my favorite book is Half-Blood Prince, my favorite movie is Prisoner of Azkaban, my favorite character is Remus Lupin, I’m a Hufflepuff, and I’m a Thunderbird.

Andrew: Awesome.

Laura: Oooh.

Andrew: Well, and Lupin has a important role, I’d say, in this chapter, so it’s appropriate that you’re on this week. And yeah, thanks again for your support and for joining us today. Before we get into Chapter 9 of Order of the Phoenix, we do have a couple of announcements. First of all, Quizzitch Live, our real time online Harry Potter trivia game, returns Sunday December 15 at 12:00 p.m. Eastern, so mark your calendars. Everybody can play live, and you’ll be competing against fellow Harry Potter fans as we host the trivia event. This will also be our final episode of MuggleCast of the year. Micah, what types of questions can people expect?

Micah: Oh, it’s a surprise, Andrew.

Andrew: No hints?

Micah: It’s like wrapping a present, and you gift the present; person doesn’t know what’s inside until they unwrap it.

Andrew: Oh.

Eric: But how will they prep? How will they prepare?

Andrew: Yeah, they’ve got to study. Give us a couple clues.

Micah: A couple clues, okay.

Andrew: Some categories.

Micah: Hogwarts: A History. Navigating the castle.

Andrew: Ooh, fun.

Laura: Oh, that’s going to be challenging.

Micah: And thanks to Legalize Gillyweed for providing us with those questions. We also will have some obscure character Hogwarts Houses and some holiday questions.

Andrew: Okay.

Micah: So it’s a little bit of a mix, but it’s going to be fun. And we’re going to have a special guest host as well. That we will not reveal until the actual day of Quizzitch Live.

Andrew: Oh, okay. Sure. Sounds good. Yeah, I like that mixed bag of trivia categories; that’ll keep things…

Micah: A potpourri, as they like to say.

Andrew: Sure.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: So keep an eye on our social media channels for links on the day, but again, Quizzitch Live happening Sunday December 15 at 12:00 p.m. Eastern, 9:00 a.m. Pacific. And there will be prizes, and we’ll announce those during Quizzitch Live as well.

Micah: You’re not giving me access to the MuggleCast card this time, though, I don’t think.

Andrew: No. Micah is a big spender, especially this time of year.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: So we have some new gift ideas. Well, Micah, the holiday shopping season is here.

Micah: It is.

Andrew: You can now gift a Patreon membership. If you’ve been wanting a membership to our Patreon and you’re still crafting your wish list for Santa or loved ones, send them a link to Patreon.com/MuggleCast/gift, and they will be able to gift you anywhere from one to 12 months of Patreon access. And once you get your access, you’ll receive access to bonus MuggleCast episodes, our livestreams, a new physical gift every year, and a lot more. You can check out all the details at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. We’re actually recording a new bonus MuggleCast this week, and we’re going to discuss: Are the Harry Potter movies really Christmas movies? We’ll wade into that debate coming up. And also, another gift idea: Check out MuggleCastMerch.com. You can purchase all kinds of new MuggleCast gear that we’ve released in the last few weeks, so there are some holiday options for everybody.

Micah: Yeah, and speaking of gifts, there’s a recently released book in the world of Harry Potter. It’s called The Boy Who Lived by David Holmes, and we were actually sent a copy of this. To give a little bit of background, folks may be familiar with who David is. He was a stunt double to Dan Radcliffe in the Harry Potter film franchise, and his work as kind of the real life fall guy for Harry Potter enabled him to create some of the most memorable action sequences in the wizarding world as he became the first person ever to play Quidditch. But during the making of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1, David actually broke his neck in a stunt rehearsal and was instantly paralyzed. So this book is an autobiography of his life. He talks a lot about his strong relationship with Daniel Radcliffe; they knew each other pretty much since the beginning, since he worked all the way up until Deathly Hallows – Part 1 from Philosopher’s Stone. Dan Radcliffe actually pens the foreword to David’s autobiography. And there is a 90-minute HBO documentary of the same name, The Boy Who Lived, if anybody has seen it, and it is produced by Dan Radcliffe. So this book currently on Amazon retails for about $30, but it is a really powerful story, and I think in addition, really chronicles David’s experiences all the way up to Harry Potter, and of course, afterwards.

Andrew: I did see the documentary. I guess it was released last year. It was very good; would definitely recommend that everybody check that out, and have to check out this book as well. A little bit of news before we get into Chapter by Chapter: I had mentioned there was some Harry Potter TV show news. We actually got quite a bit in the last week. There is an actor named Paapa Essiedu, and he is apparently up for the role of Severus Snape. This has been reported by The Hollywood Reporter. He has starred in The Lazarus Project, he appeared in I May Destroy You, and he had a starring role in the Season 6 finale of Black Mirror. I actually watched that particular episode in preparation for today, because I hadn’t seen him in anything yet. He was a great actor. He plays this wicked, creepy kind of role in this episode of Black Mirror, and while he wasn’t exactly portraying a Snape type character, I can see how he could, in his more serious moments in this episode, be Snape-like. So have you guys heard of this guy, or seen him in anything?

Rex: I heard of him, like, five minutes before hopping on this when I saw the post.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Okay.

Laura: Hey, you came prepared. Yeah, I had seen him in that episode of Black Mirror as well, and he is incredible. He’s got such range. I would be really excited to see his interpretation of Snape.

Andrew: Yeah. He is Black, and about 10 years younger than Alan Rickman was when he was cast for the role, and this is probably the first of what I assume might be several people WB hires who help diversify the cast. There’s been criticism of the original movies over the years that the series was very white; even the books were too. One reason I bring this up is because we’re seeing comments online already about, “Oh, why are they changing Snape’s race?” And then people are also bringing up Adam Driver for Snape.

Laura: Ugh, God.

Andrew: That’s been a fan favorite pick for people, and I get it.

Eric: Let it live there in people’s heads and not ever on screen.

Andrew: Here’s what blows my mind about this: We all love the authenticity of the Harry Potter movies, and part of the reason they feel so authentic is it’s an all-British cast. Adam Driver is from San Diego, California. We don’t need a Californian Severus Snape. [laughs] We don’t need Alan Rickman 2, which is another reason why people want Adam Driver to play the role, because they could see him pulling it off like Alan Rickman did.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: I will say, I think he’s actually 20 years younger than Alan Rickman was. He’s age appropriate for Snape, because he’s 34…

Laura: Right.

Eric: … and that is the biggest thing I care about, really, is getting a young group of Marauders era actors in here, because I think there’s so much more that you can do. Between doing that and actually showing the scenes with the Marauders, this TV series could do no wrong.

Andrew: It’s interesting you mention the age. The showrunners of the Harry Potter TV series actually made a couple of remarks this past week: First of all, the series will begin filming this summer, summer 2025, and they’re currently reviewing hundreds of audition tapes for the trio per day. They did confirm they will have eight hours, so presumably eight episodes for Book 1. That’s pretty big news, going from, what, 2:45 for the first movie, to eight hours? I mean, that’s a lot of room to tell Book 1. They also said that they will be sticking to the correct ages for the characters. They did confirm Severus Snape will be in his thirties. They also said James and Lily Potter will be younger because they were only 21 when they died. And they’re going to continue the tradition of brilliant theater actors in the UK for the adults, with the young actors all being newcomers, and they said they’re excited about this TV show because they get to “really dig into the character arcs and explore Hogwarts more, including the lives of its staff.” So reading this all excites me, because this is what we want, right? We want them spending more time on the little things that they cut from the books.

Eric: Yep.

Andrew: One other thing: They did confirm that Peeves will be in the show, too, to the point about expanding.

Eric: Unbelievable. Wow.

Andrew: So it sounds like we’re getting everything we wanted from this. [laughs]

Rex: Well, and Peeves will give a lot of that comedic material, as he is kind of Fred and George before Fred and George was at Hogwarts, even though they’re there for the show.

Eric: That’s a great point.

Andrew: Yeah, and it’ll also… Peeves will help contribute to the charm of Hogwarts. That’s one of the things that we love about Hogwarts. We love that it’s a mess. We love that this poltergeist is running around causing chaos; that’s why we love the school. So those are the updates there concerning the Harry Potter TV show, and you can stay tuned to MuggleCast for more discussion as the series develops. Make sure you follow the podcast for free in your favorite podcast app and on YouTube as well. Before we get to Chapter by Chapter, this week’s episode is sponsored by Better Help.

[Ad break]


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: Now, time for Chapter by Chapter. This week, we’re discussing Chapter 9 of Order of the Phoenix, “The Woes of Mrs. Weasley.” Eric, take us back in time.

Eric: Yes, we last talked about Chapter 9, “The Woes of Mrs. Weasley,” on Episodes 241, called “One and Done,” on October 16, 2011, and then Episode 443 on November 18, 2019, and that one was called “Never a Bride.”

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 241.

Micah: He kind of comes to the conclusion himself that, “You know what? At the end of the day, I can’t really make the case for me deserving it more than Ron.” But later, at dinner, Harry learns that Lupin was prefect during his father’s time at Hogwarts and his father wasn’t a prefect, so that made him feel a lot better about the whole situation.

Eric: Surprising they made Lupin a prefect with his condition.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, that’s true.

Eric: Wouldn’t he have too much on his plate?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 443.

Micah: Harry notes that he’s looking forward to all these different things at Hogwarts coming up now that he’s been vindicated. He’s looking forward to seeing Hagrid, and playing Quidditch, and strolling across the vegetable patches, and I thought it was just a bit ironic because most of these things, if not all of them, are taken away from him at some point during the year.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Ooh, that’s a good catch.

Micah: Because I don’t even think Hagrid is there right at the start of the term.

Eric: That’s right.

Laura: No, you’re right. He comes back with a steak on his face halfway through the book.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Micah: And Umbridge takes care of Quidditch and strolling amongst the grounds, so yeah, I thought that was funny.

[Whooshing sound]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Laura: Picking up this week’s chapter, we’re right where we left off. Harry is still in the courtroom. We pick up with him uncertain as to whether he’s free to go; he’s looking around waiting for someone to acknowledge him and usher him out of the chamber, but no one looks at him, so he tentatively starts walking towards the exit, and when nobody chases him down and stops him, he breaks into a half dash to get out the door as quickly as he can. And Arthur is waiting outside on pins and needles because Dumbledore, who just walked right past him after the verdict was read, didn’t tell Arthur anything.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Gotta go. No time to talk.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Laura: So why do we think Dumbledore didn’t give Arthur the good news?

Rex: Because it’s Harry’s decision. Not Harry’s decision; it’s Harry’s news. It’s about him.

Laura: Ahh, okay.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “And I don’t want to share any news. I want to get out of there ASAP, because I don’t care about the boy, wink-wink.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: You would think there was an important knitting show on TV or something and he’s late for it.

Rex: There might have been.

Andrew: Or he had a coffee date.

Eric: I can just say, it really upsets me. The way in which no one pays attention to Harry in the aftermath shows further detachment from what he must be feeling. This could have been the worst day of his life. We talked about this in the last time we covered the previous chapter, but this could have been the worst day in his life. No one’s there. His lawyer/attorney Dumbledore is gone. Nobody’s there for Harry, and it’s so isolating, and it’s so awful that there’s not even an appointed employee in the room to be like, “Okay, now you go this way.”

Laura: Especially since…

Micah: But he hasn’t had that all along.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: This has been the theme of this book thus far. Harry is isolated. Nobody’s even going to direct him out of the courtroom.

Eric: It’s just like because they couldn’t nail him on these charges, everyone just looks the other way and is like, “Okay, well, that’s done.” And then they all leave! And it’s just like, “Who’s taking care of the boy?” And Arthur… Dumbledore wasn’t even just like, “Go in; you can,” or anything.

Micah: Now, I know I wasn’t on the show last week, and it was certainly a celebration of Albus Dumbledore without my presence. But I will say, I’ll give Dumbledore his flowers. He came through for Harry. But when things were over, my man darted right out of there…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: … didn’t say anything to Harry, didn’t say anything to Arthur, and he’s just back to his old self again. But the other thing, too, Dumbledore rushing out of the chamber… my guy is 150 years old. Maybe he had to use the bathroom.

Andrew: Maybe! Maybe he had to take a Dumble-D.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: I kind of stole that from Micah. Micah was workshopping some ideas for today over text. I said, “Keep it family friendly, please.”

Micah: I did.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I like that.

Eric: Nice work, everybody.

Andrew: Laura, what were you going to say?

Laura: Oh, I was just going to say I did wonder if he had had an extra large cup of coffee before he got to the courtroom. That would explain it.

Rex: Well, why wouldn’t he wear a Depends?

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, he doesn’t know how long this trial is lasting.

Eric: Just go, man. You can vanish it later.

Laura: I mean, wizards don’t have to. They just vanish it to poop mountain.

Andrew: Not in front of a judge and jury.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Well, he can use non-verbal spells, right?

Laura: Right.

Eric: Yeah, no one would ever know.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: You just see him flinch a little.

Rex: Could you use a non-verbal spell while you’re talking, though? If he was defending Harry, could he silently simultaneously, like, “Evanesco“?

Eric: I would love the idea… yeah, the whole time he’s testifying to the Ministry, he’s secretly vanishing his own…

Andrew: Yeah, you hear him mumble a little bit under his breath and he just does a little jiggle real quick. Okay, Chloé, let’s cut this. Let’s post this on Instagram.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Great clip to get fans from Instagram.

[Eric sighs]

Laura: Yep, people who mirror that cross section of poop humor and being Harry Potter superfans. [laughs] That’s what we’re going for.

Eric: It’s not me.

Micah: Well, speaking of [censored] characters…

Laura: Yeah, perfect intro.

Eric: There you go.

Laura: So Fudge actually passes Harry and Arthur leaving the courtroom, and he passes them without comment, even though five minutes ago he was trying to condemn this 15-year-old to expulsion and a life on the fringes, but now he won’t even look at him. He instead makes his way to Lucius Malfoy, and the question comes up in this exchange of what is Lucius even doing down here? And I think we’re intended to believe that he’s just being messy. He’s wanting to spy on what’s going on with Harry. It’s all about the Death Eater connection and what happened in the graveyard last year, and seeing Harry get his just desserts, as Lucius would think about it. But there’s another layer to this, too, and it’s that they’re right by the Department of Mysteries, and we know this is a place that Lucius and company are keeping quite an eye on this year. So I love the duality of this moment of feeling like, “Oh, he’s just here to stir up the drama,” and it’s like, yes, but also he’s in a place trying to access something that he shouldn’t be accessing.

Eric: Yeah. He’s also there to make a donation, which really grinds my gears. For all of the attention that the later book gets with Umbridge trying to run Hogwarts like it’s some kind of dictatorship, we see with very little effort made to conceal… in fact, I think Lucius intentionally clinks his pockets and Harry hears gold. He’s there bribing Fudge, and it is said that essentially, Lucius’s commitment to continuing to make these charitable contributions – with little air quotes – allow him to oversee which laws do and don’t get passed. He has that much influence because of his wealth, and that makes this basically an oligarchy. That makes him an oligarch. That makes him above the law and above certain laws. He’s not an elected official. He’s not in government. Couldn’t pass a background check if he got in because he’s an active Death Eater. [laughs] But it’s just a shame to see that that is how this world works. But it’s fascinating to me, because 10 years ago, I wouldn’t have thought anything of this. I mean, we knew he was a bad guy, but the idea that it’s even… I think Harry is told, maybe even by Arthur, that, “Oh yeah, Lucius, a private citizen, is influencing the laws.”

Micah: I really like what you said, Laura, too. And I had to look it up because I was trying to recall exactly the dialogue between Arthur and Lucius, but it’s when Mr. Weasley is responding him, saying, “I work here,” and Lucius responds by saying, “Not here, surely?”, “raising his eyebrows and glancing toward the door over Mr. Weasley’s shoulder.” So that’s an additional nod to the Department of Mysteries.

Laura: That’s a great catch. Yeah, I mean, it’s definitely disturbing to see the, I guess, private sector influence – capitalistic influence, if you will – over the government. Unfortunately, like many of the other parallels that we can draw from the Harry Potter books, this is something that has been known to happen in real life. But there is also this moment where Lucius refers to Harry as “Patronus Potter.”

[Andrew laughs]

Rex: Love alliteration.

Andrew: Yes!

Laura: And I was like, “How did this jerk find out about this so soon?” Either Fudge told him in advance or scurried up to him to tell him the news, or Lucius knew exactly what Umbridge did, and because he knows Harry can cast a Patronus, put two and two together.

Eric: There’s got to be a middle ground, I think, between those two outcomes. Rex, what do you think?

Rex: Oh, well, I just think he kind of is in everyone’s business. That’s why his hair is so pretty.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: What’s the connection? [laughs]

Rex: I do feel like he knows things behind the scenes. Definitely there’s some… I don’t necessarily think if corruption is the right word to use right now, but people are talking to him because he is very influential with money. And he knows Harry can cast a Patronus, and it is kind of impressive that a 15-year-old, at this age, can do that.

Andrew: It is.

Rex: So he might just kind of be like, “Oh, maybe I’ll see him do it” type of thing as well, which would be kind of cool, even if you don’t like Harry Potter.

Eric: Yeah. I mean, I don’t think Lucius necessarily… by calling Harry “Patronus Potter,” he doesn’t reveal that he already knows what happened in the courtroom. It should be a matter of some level of record that Harry was having this hearing because of underage magic. That was the Patronus Charm. That is what the letter – from Mafalda Hopkirk or Miranda Goshawk or whoever it is at the Ministry – says: “You need a hearing for this.” So I think any time over the last couple of weeks, while Harry has been dreading the hearing, Lucius would have been able to find out what charm or whatever Harry is alleged to have cast.

Andrew: I can see a scenario where Lucius runs up to Fudge, and Fudge starts just flying off the handle explaining what happened, and that’s how Lucius found out so quickly about Harry’s story and the Patronus and all that. And I was sort of just led to believe that that was the answer, considering that Harry runs into these two talking.

Micah: I agree with you, Eric. I think that it’s been out there long enough, and just knowing Lucius’s connections within the Ministry, he probably found out about this at some point while Harry was still at Grimmauld Place.

Eric: Yeah, it was Mafalda Hopkirk, by the way. I’m so glad to have been able to look that up.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Micah: And I know we’ve talked a little bit about the fact that you have Lucius commiserating with Fudge. Harry has a flashback to what happened in the graveyard, and he notes that this is the same man that weeks earlier he saw through the eyes of a Death Eater’s hood, and this person is now standing feet away from the Minister for Magic. That’s really got to rattle him.

Eric: Nothing could be clearer. Fudge is so worried about his enemies and stuff; he’s standing willingly next to the enemy, essentially.

Andrew: The injustice here is just sickening, to know that he’s roaming the halls after he was in his Death Eater getup just a few weeks ago.

Eric: I wish that Harry had the fortitude and wherewithal to be like, “Oh, Lucius, I didn’t recognize you without your hood.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: In front of the Minister for Magic. That would have been just… ah, so good.

Laura: Yeah, but he just got cleared of charges and he’s going back to Hogwarts. He’s not trying to rock the boat. I’m sure they would put him on trial for slander; that’s something they would do.

Eric: Well, Harry remembers telling Fudge a few weeks ago that Lucius was there, so Fudge is willfully ignorant of this and still doing business with this guy.

Micah: But doesn’t Arthur put his hand onto Harry’s shoulder to ensure that he doesn’t do anything out of sorts? And then as the conversation…

Eric: Arthur is one to talk.

Andrew: [laughs] He’s an adult, at least.

Micah: Well, his grip actually tightens on Harry’s shoulder as the dialogue continues between him and Lucius, so it’s just funny to see that both of them are probably very close to brawling with him in the halls of the Ministry.

Eric: He’s just that kind of person.

Rex: But wouldn’t he…? I don’t want to say keep Lucius around, but isn’t there a denial of Voldemort existing right now in this book? Because at the end of the book, that’s when the Ministry is just like, “Oh, okay, here’s Voldemort. Yay.”

Andrew: Right. Oh, he is bad. Okay.

[funky music plays]

Andrew: Oop. Sorry.

[Laura laughs]

Rex: That scared me.

Micah: Is that Voldemort’s return music?

Eric: That was weirdly appropriate.

Laura: Was that intentional? [laughs]

Andrew: I was deleting sound effects in the Riverside player and I accidentally hit play on one. Sorry.

Micah: No, well, hold on. When Voldemort returns at the end of this book, that needs to be played.

[Laura and Rex laugh]

Rex: That sound.

Andrew: I already deleted it. It’s gone forever now.

Eric: Oh no!

Micah: No, but it’s on this recording.

[funky music plays]

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: No, that last one was definitely the Goblet of Fire Voldemort return. Him rising out of the cauldron.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Rex: They’ll find this audio and put it in the TV show.

Andrew: Oh, yeah. They’ll be like, “Oh, that was a great idea.”

Laura: Easter eggs. Well, y’all are totally right; Harry very astutely picks up on how dangerous it is for the Minister of Magic to be rubbing shoulders with known Death Eaters, and he immediately worries that perhaps Fudge is already under the Imperius Curse, but Arthur tries to reassure Harry in saying that Dumbledore is pretty convinced that Fudge is still operating of his own free will, and I think we can accept that because we did get to see what Barty Crouch, Sr. was like at the heights of being Imperiused, and I feel like Fudge is still very much himself in this moment. Does anyone disagree?

Andrew: No, I don’t think so. I think that’s a good observation.

Eric: Yeah, it’s that kind of thing where it’s like, “Oh, this is worse.” [laughs] He’s choosing to be this way.

Andrew: Right.

Micah: And it is a little bit of a nugget, though, too, because we do get a Minister for Magic who does come under the Imperius Curse in Deathly Hallows.

Eric: So not this one, but the next one.

Micah: But to your point, Eric, that makes it even worse.

Eric: Well, it’s worse, but then also that threat is not going away. Fudge is going to continue to be close with Lucius Malfoy and others who could Imperius him at any time, so it’s not…

Rex: Well, would he be allowing them for his safety? So if he’s buddy-buddy with them, the likelihood of him being Imperiused, theoretically, would be lower?

Eric: Maybe, until there’s an ask that’s too great that he can’t, or won’t… eventually, he’ll catch wise, I guess, is the idea. Fudge’s journey… I don’t know. I don’t think of him as a man of great introspection or self-reflection, but you have to think somewhere at some point he gets it, and hopefully he’s horrified by the type of evil that he’s ushered in.

Laura: Well, all of that aside, Harry is on cloud nine. Everything is so jovial and funny to him right now that he turns to Arthur and is like, “So what are you going to do about that exploding toilet prank?”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: And Arthur actually takes kind of a serious tone and tells Harry… or uses a term that Harry’s never heard before, and it’s “Muggle-baiting,” and he basically says it’s not so much having to repair the damage that’s been done – it’s a very simple piece of magic – but Muggle-baiting is really more about the attitude behind the vandalism. And it might come across as funny initially, but it’s an expression of something much deeper and nastier, he says. So with that in mind, I want us to think back to Goblet of Fire: Would we consider Fred and George’s actions last summer with the Ton-Tongue Toffees to be Muggle-baiting?

Eric: Yeah, there’s actually not much clearer than that. After all, he made a show of dropping it. “Oops!”

Micah: Yeah, I debated this inside of my head for a while. I don’t know that there’s intention of malice here or anything like that on the part of Fred and George, but given the fact that there was nothing Dudley himself could do to reverse the effects of what was happening to him, if we’re looking at the definition here of Muggle-baiting, then yeah, it’s exactly what it is. And Fred and George – Eric, to your point – literally baited Dudley, right? Knowing how much he loves sweets, like you said, just dropped them on the floor. They knew what was going to happen.

Eric: Well, and when asked about it, they’re like, “Yeah, doesn’t he kind of suck anyway? We figured it was okay to do this, because he kind of sucks.” That’s what Arthur is talking about in this chapter, that attitude.

Andrew: And it is interesting that Arthur is the one talking about this when his own sons do it.

Eric: Well, he should have actually punished them greater than what we’re shown that he did.

Rex: They might have gotten a talking-to behind the scenes in Goblet of Fire.

Laura: Oh, maybe.

Andrew: Did it teach them anything, though?

Rex: No.

Andrew: Maybe a little… [laughs]

Eric: Unless they’re holding and rubbing their butts for a month afterward, it wasn’t enough. It’s sick. It’s absolutely sick.

Andrew: Arthur doesn’t strike me as a spanker, but maybe.

Rex: There’s also Molly. Maybe Molly would.

Micah: Only when Molly is around.

Andrew: Molly would spank.

Eric: I was going to say, what would Arthur do instead? Hit them with the car? [laughs]

Laura: Her teenage sons? That’d be weird.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Micah: Oh, I thought you meant she would spank Arthur.

Laura: Well, I do have a foreshadowing alert for everyone.

Andrew: And this was the effect I was trying to queue up earlier.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

[Foreshadowing sound effect plays]

Laura: So Harry approaches the Fountain of Magical Brethren to dump his coin bag into the fountain because he got off scot-free, but he’s already picking up that the fountain is a load of BS. And Rex, I’m wondering if you can do us the honor of reading this excerpt of Harry describing the fountain.

Rex: “He looked up into the handsome wizard’s face, but up close, Harry thought he looked rather weak and foolish. The witch was wearing a vapid smile like a beauty contestant, and from what Harry knew of goblins and centaurs, they were most unlikely to be caught staring this soppily at humans of any description. Only the house-elf’s attitude of creeping servility looked convincing.”

Laura: So yeah, Harry is already picking up on this; he even wonders what Hermione would think. But he’s still in such a good mood that he doesn’t think too deeply about this. So this is just a really nice setup for what we’re going to see with this fountain in about 600 pages or so. [laughs]

Andrew: And we were talking in a previous episode about how Harry probably didn’t even notice this statue or give it much thought pre-trial…

Laura: Right.

Andrew: … but post-trial with this giddy excitement that he has, this giddy relief, he can now try to appreciate everything that he’s seeing in the Ministry of Magic, which is still very new to him.

Eric: Yeah, now he’s seeing it for the first the first time.

Micah: And likely what he’s just been through has informed some of what he’s seeing as well.

Andrew: Oh, that’s a good point, too. Yeah.

Rex: And he’s still noticing how unlikely it is for the centaurs and the goblins to be acting in that statue, because it’s kind of more like, “Hmm, that’s odd.”

Laura: Yeah, he’s like, “I’ve actually met some centaurs and some goblins, and this is not what I recall.” Well, Harry is giddy, and we’re going to talk about giddiness here in a few moments, I think, but someone who is definitely not matching Harry’s energy is Sirius. So Sirius is clearly very moody and bummed out after Harry comes home with the good news. He tries to put on a brave face and be happy for a while, but Harry can totally tell that Sirius is brooding because he was kind of hoping, I think, that he and Harry could be outlaws on the fringes, surviving together. And I wanted to ask the Sirius Black defenders on the panel to please explain.

Rex: I think that there’s a huge mental toll that affected Sirius because of his just stay at Azkaban. And I do think because of the visual similarities of James and Harry, he has a really hard time of seeing them as two different people, and he’s just like, “Oh, you’re James’s identical twin, essentially. You’re in Hogwarts. You’re pretty much the only happy memories that I have, so I want to feel happy again.”

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: He’s a presence in the house that is very welcomed, and he got into the house pretty late, relatively speaking. Sirius was probably looking forward to having him. “He’s finally here. Oh, this trial is coming up. Maybe he’ll get to stay for longer; that would be fun for me because I’m stuck here, alone and bored.” Sirius is being selfish here. He should be very excited that his best friend’s son is going back to Hogwarts and wasn’t expelled.

Eric: To complete his education.

Andrew: Yeah, but I do understand why Sirius would be bummed out. It’s not okay, though, for him to be bummed out.

Eric: Okay, because Laura – and only because you asked a Sirius Black defender – I’m not saying there’s not a resemblance between Harry and James, and I’m not saying that Sirius wouldn’t have or doesn’t make that same connection, but this is so much of a problem to me that Molly Weasley gets the final word on what’s going on inside Sirius’s head. Molly Weasley from the previous chapter when they’re shouting at each other over the table, a chapter where Molly is awful – everyone agrees; we all agreed that Molly was just in a weird place and making everyone annoyed in the previous chapter – she gets to have the final word, and everything that she says, like “You can’t tell him apart from James,” gets parroted by Hermione in this chapter. And even delightful, very well thought out cohosts like Rex here on this podcast, they all say, “Oh yeah, Sirius thinks Harry is James.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: I’m tired of it! I’m sick of it! Hermione can form her own opinions. I take issue with Hermione in this chapter. She can form her own opinions, and instead she’s just repeating what Molly’s are. What doesn’t sit right with me is that Hermione has a relationship with Sirius that’s outside of Molly and Harry. She rescued Sirius herself with Harry, and she saw Harry and Sirius interact all last year. I would think that she would have at least her own opinion on Sirius in this whole situation, but we don’t get that. All we get is Molly’s stupid line repeated back. And it is a failure of Sirius to be a good guardian to Harry; if he’s upset about this trial working out for Harry and Harry going back to Hogwarts, letting it show to Harry, becoming sullen, becoming more reclusive, avoiding Harry even, that’s not what you want to do, and that may show that Sirius is less mature than we would hope. But I just do not… I don’t like this assertion that Sirius can’t tell the difference between Harry and James. It rubs me quite the wrong way.

Laura: So I have a thought there. I think with Sirius, it may not be so much that he can’t tell the difference, but more so that he doesn’t want to tell the difference. And that’s not any hate towards Sirius; Sirius endured so much trauma, and he was never going to be the same person that he was. I mean, think about this person who had the majority of the prime years of his adulthood stolen from him over something he didn’t do.

Eric: We always go to that, though. When we’re about to say something negative about Sirius, we’re like, “Oh, but he’s so stunted from prison; it’s this awful thing that…”

Laura: I mean, multiple truths.

Eric: Yeah, it’s that thing about multiple truths again, isn’t it?

Laura: Yeah, and it’s true that Sirius endured untold traumas. At the same time, it’s also true that he’s an adult and he needs to get his ish together sometimes.

Eric: Well, again, the fact that Harry sees he’s upset is a problem because Harry’s got enough to deal with without having to worry about making Sirius feel bad. I do think it’s a failure of Sirius, but not for the reasons that Hermione states.

Andrew: All right, we’re going to take a quick break, and then we’re going to explore the feeling of giddy relief. We’ll be right back.

[Ad break]

Andrew: So I wanted to do this segment we haven’t done in a few weeks, make the real life connection, and I want to explore this idea of feeling giddy relief that Harry experiences post-trial. He gets to go back to Hogwarts; he’s very excited about it. It’s when you’re in a really good mood because some bad thing is now in the past, and you feel free. So I was wondering if we’ve ever experienced that feeling of giddy relief. Eric, I think you have one that I agree with.

Eric: Yeah, I was trying to think of when have I been as giddy as Harry is in this chapter? It’s really like if you’re dreading a pop quiz, and the teacher last minute is like, “Okay, I know none of you studied, so it’s open book.” I’m like, “Oh God, I’m not going to get a bad grade. Yay.”

Andrew: Yeah, I agree with you on tests, or even when school is out for summer, or maybe your holiday breaks you’re entering. You have nothing but free time, and you’re like, “Oh, I’m done with my finals. I’m free as a bird for the foreseeable future.” But also for me, I’ll get some anxiety while flying, so I get giddy relief when flying somewhere, then I’m excited to go, and then… well, I’ll get the excitement after I land.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: Oh, are you one of those people who claps when the plane lands?

Andrew: No. No, no, no, no.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Hell no. I boo those people when they clap.

Rex: Do you audibly boo them?

Andrew: [laughs] No, no. Just turn up my volume in my head.

Eric: “Boo! We landed safely, boo!”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: No, but… that’s funny. Or even after a good first date, because you’re nervous about a first date going into it, and then it goes really well, and you get out of it, you’re like, “Oh, cool! Still got it. Still got it.”

Micah: [laughs] What about when you get Final Jeopardy right?

Andrew: I don’t watch Jeopardy anymore. Though I do like Pop Culture Jeopardy, that new one. Micah, when do you get giddy relief?

Micah: I was going to use the Final Jeopardy one, but…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: I’m trying to think of something work-related because…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: No, no. Once you get through something that’s been very challenging and it’s finally off your shoulders, and maybe a good one for me would be once you’re through a big event, like All Star, and it’s over and you get the opportunity to just relax and go on vacation.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: That’s always a good one. I went very specific with mine. I don’t know why this was the first thing that occurred to me, but it was surviving the slingshot ride at one of those discount theme parks in Orlando, Florida. You know the ones they have…

Rex: Are you talking about the Fun Spot? Is that what it’s called?

Laura: Yeah, I think so. It’s the stuff that’s close to the theme parks but it’s definitely more like carnival rides. I got on that thing, and I genuinely was not sure if I was going to get off of it.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: And when I survived, I was ecstatic. I had a whole new lease on life.

Rex: Well, you were going to get off of it, no matter what.

Laura: Yeah, that’s true. Just… alive. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, alive.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: Well, getting back into our chapter, we’re going to get into a part of the chapter where we see a theme we don’t see a whole lot in this series, and it’s where Ron wins!

Andrew: Aww.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Ron never wins, and he finally wins here. So upon their return to Grimmauld Place, the air is thick with celebration at the news of Harry’s trial. Even with that, though, Harry still has one thing that’s bugging him, and it’s his wish that Dumbledore would have at least looked at him. And I thought it was very interesting that when Harry had this thought – “I wish Dumbledore would just look at me” – his scar burned with that thought. Do we think this is Harry and the Horcrux bristling at the thought of Dumbledore?

Micah: Working together?

Eric: [laughs] They’re a team.

Rex: Oh, that’s what you were going… I saw that; I was like, “I don’t get that.”

[Laura and Rex laugh]

Laura: Yeah, basically, is it a sentiment because Harry is frustrated with Dumbledore? And I would imagine the Horcrux would be very Dumbledore-averse. So are they both reacting to this emotion?

Micah: Yeah, I think that Harry’s anger triggers the Horcrux, especially because his emotions are about Dumbledore. So I do think this is a moment where both things can be true, that Harry can be angry, but that the Horcrux is also reacting to Dumbledore, which we know Voldemort doesn’t like very much.

Laura: Well, Harry has to stop making this all about himself, because it’s really Ron’s moment. So when they receive their…

Micah: Don’t tell Fred and George.

Laura: Yeah, aww. It’s very sad, actually. When they get their book lists and they’re opening their letters for the year, Harry is chatting with Fred and George, going back and forth. Ron is not really participating, and it becomes clear that Ron is standing there dumbfounded, holding his letter and a shiny new prefect’s badge. Everyone, and I mean everyone, seems like they were completely shocked by this turn of events. And I hate this for Ron, because on the one hand, I think he’s pleased for himself. On the other, it’s got to feel kind of crappy to feel like “Everyone around me would have never thought of me for this.”

Andrew: Yeah. We’ve spoken about how the movies have done Ron dirty, making him the stupid character, but here’s a good book example of why we’ve been led to believe that as well. Nobody – like you’re saying, Laura – thought Ron would get it, not even Hermione, the other characters… it’s upsetting.

Micah: Not even Ron.

Andrew: Not even Ron! Well, that’s true.

Rex: He shouldn’t have gotten it.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: He shouldn’t have gotten it, Rex?

Rex: No. I hate Ron.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Oh, you’re on the wrong podcast.

Rex: I know.

Laura: But this is Ron’s moment.

Rex: He does deserve it because Harry had his moment and shared the spotlight, so… I also don’t like Harry.

Andrew: Oh, okay.

Rex: It is like the same thing.

Andrew: Well, I just don’t like this assumption that Harry should have been the one to get it. “Oh, it wasn’t Harry’s? It was Ron’s?” Harry gets everything he wants. He gets all the attention, he gets all the accolades…

Rex: And that’s why people think he should get it.

Andrew: He’s busy at… we’re going to do a pros and cons list, so I won’t get into it too much now, but he doesn’t need it. He’s got enough going on. And again, Dumbledore doesn’t want to play favorites.

Eric: It shouldn’t be a popularity contest to begin with, and I wouldn’t suspect that Harry or Ron have the necessary academics to get them high enough to be qualified.

Rex: Well, then who would you give it to?

Eric: Anybody!

Rex: Like Seamus?

Eric: Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnegan… yes, they have to be more academically successful than Harry or Ron, who are always falling asleep in class and all that – I don’t want to sound like Fudge – freaking out, not paying attention… the only thing that can convince me that Harry or Ron’s academics are anywhere near where it should be to be a prefect of your whole year is that Hermione probably helps them on their homework a lot, so maybe their work is actually up to scruff on some things. But other than that, no. There’s got to be… any other Gryffindor would be better and more qualified than both of them.

Rex: I agree with that.

Laura: Wow, that’s a stunning indictment.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: The funny thing about all of this…

Rex: No, it’s because Harry and Ron are two terrible characters. They would have died Book 1 without Hermione.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Oh my God.

Laura: Oh, facts. Preaching to the choir.

Rex: That is my hatred for them. It’s truly Book 1.

Eric: So you do love Hermione, then.

Rex: Oh yeah, she’s my favorite of the golden trio.

Eric: Okay, okay.

Andrew: Then maybe Dumbledore’s plan here is to have Hermione and Ron so that Hermione can teach Ron her ways, and then Ron can get a little bit of character development and grow up in some ways.

Eric: Shapes him up.

Rex: Or he ships them.

Andrew: Or maybe… yeah, right, right.

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Or maybe Dumbledore thought it’d be fun if Ron is prefect, then he gets to boss around his brothers, which they challenge the idea of in this scene.

Eric: If Ron is, in fact, a time-traveling Dumbledore – or Dumbledore is a time-traveling Ron – then he’s simply casting himself in the role of Hermione’s partner this year.

Micah: I do think, Andrew, that Dumbledore says later on in this book that he gave it to Ron because he thought Harry had enough to deal with already.

Andrew: There you go.

Eric: But that’s not a support of Ron! You see how that’s worse?

Andrew: Well, no, actually… no, it’s not at all. Just because…

Rex: Harry has done nothing.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Rex: I was just like, “Oh, Harry got his… he can go to school. Woohoo.”

Andrew: One person isn’t available, so you go to the next best available person, and that happened to be Ron. That’s just how it goes sometimes.

Rex: Wait, so Harry was number one?

Andrew: According to Dumbledore.

Rex: Harry Potter?

Eric: Dumbledore does not say that Ron was the next best; he says he didn’t give it to Harry because Harry had enough on his plate.

Andrew: Before we get to the pros and cons of Harry, let me just add here that Mrs. Weasley is very excited about Ron getting the gig.

Laura: Aw, yeah.

Micah: She’s giddy.

Andrew: And I cannot believe that she says “That’s everyone in the family who has become a prefect,” except for Fred and George and Ginny. But I think that is brutal for Fred and George to hear. They’re right there in this scene.

Rex: Ginny is just year four. She hasn’t had the opportunity yet.

Andrew: Right, exactly. Well, yeah, so that’s why it’s not a big deal about Ginny, but for Fred and George, it’s pretty bad to hear. They crack a joke about her comment, but she just straight up ignores them. And what also is crazy to me about this is in this very chapter, in a few pages, we’re going to see how worried and upset Molly is about losing a member of her family. But evidently she forgot about Fred and George? We discussed once what are bad moments from good characters? This is a bad moment from a good character. [laughs]

Rex: It could also be something just having Fred and George grow up, she just knew they would not… one of them would not be prefect.

Andrew: But still, “Everyone in the family”? I mean, that’s just…

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Maybe she’s so mad at them in this moment, she’s just ignoring their existence. But I thought that was brutal.

Laura: And she does do that to them a lot, which I think probably comes back to haunt her later, unfortunately. But let’s get into the pros and cons list here. So we put together a little pros and cons list. Basically, we are standing in for Dumbledore, and we are going to decide why Dumbledore should or should not make Harry a prefect. And we have a lot of entries, so I think we can make it a group effort here. Who wants to go first?

Rex: I just put one pro in the thing. Harry is very determined and he does want to do the right thing, so I do think if he was given that, he would have acted a little differently later on in the book.

Andrew: That’s a good one.

Eric: He’s got a good moral compass.

Rex: But he shouldn’t get it.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: So mine is kind of sad. I just said… this is a pro. I said that if he had become a prefect, it would give Harry the impression that Dumbledore cares about him.

Laura: Yeah, cares enough about him to give him more work to do.

Rex: How much work is it?

Laura: I mean, you’re having to be a leader amongst your peers and patrol the hallways and enforce the rules and stuff.

Eric: I think it would be a good long while… because Harry is so desperate for Dumbledore to acknowledge him in any way, I think it’d be a good long while before Harry began to resent the appointment.

Laura: Something I would call out as a pro for Harry is he already has leadership potential because he is a member of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, so there are definitely some transferable qualities in there. And I also think that Harry does have the skills to rise to the occasion. He’s been put in a lot worse situations than being a prefect and had to rise to the occasion because he had no other choice, so I think he could actually do okay.

Andrew: So what are some of your cons, Laura?

Laura: Some of my cons… I think I’m the one who came in so heavy on the cons, so…

Micah: I got you, Laura.

Laura: Thank you. Thank you.

Rex: That’s why I couldn’t add any, because you have them all.

[Micah laugh]

Laura: I mean, no, you could add rows. You could add so much context here, and feel free to add as we’re going through. But at this point in time, most of Harry’s peers think he’s crazy and they would not respect him. He would not be able to carry out the duties of prefect successfully or effectively, because half the student body thinks he’s insane.

Eric: Yep.

Laura: So actually, it would probably make things even harder for him. Also calling out he doesn’t need the additional responsibility. Like Micah said, we get that from Dumbledore later in the book. I also feel like Harry does not handle conflict with his peers very well. We see that sprinkled throughout the series; he gets into various fights that result in not speaking and brooding with various members of his year, so I just don’t think he would be able to…

Rex: Isn’t that age appropriate, though?

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: Right, and maybe there’s some prefect training. And to Rex’s point…

Laura: [laughs] Hogwarts doesn’t have prefect training. Who are we kidding?

Andrew: And to Rex’s point, maybe… you said, Rex, that he has a strong determination to do the right thing. This would teach him how to do the right thing.

Rex: I do think if he did get it, he would behave differently. I don’t know exactly what that means, but certain things later on in the book would not happen.

Laura: Yeah. What about you, Micah?

Micah: Well, I think – to borrow a line from Dumbledore – he has a certain disregard for the rules. Book after book after book after book he just breaks rules, so how is that setting a good example? You need a prefect who follows the rules. Don’t think Hermione or Ron fall into that category.

Rex: So Ron, who also breaks the rules?

[Micah laughs]

Eric: That’s what I’m saying. Take them both out of the running. They’re both not qualified.

Micah: And Ron, who also in no way is respected by his peers.

Rex: But are there…? Because the other options are Seamus, Dean, and Neville. Are there any others that are contenders?

Laura: I don’t think so.

Micah: Hedwig.

Laura: [laughs] Hedwig.

Eric: I mean, I’m unclear on why it has to be a fifth year. If there’s nobody qualified, why not go for a sixth year? [laughs]

Micah: Skip a year?

Laura: Don’t they maintain the post for their last three years if they get made prefect?

Rex: And I thought one of the seventh year prefects becomes Head Boy and Head Girl.

Laura: Head Boy and Girl, yeah.

Micah: Pay for real security. This place is dangerous enough as it is.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: I know; they’re literally getting student volunteers. It’s insane.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: But also something else to call out about Harry that’s a huge limitation for him being able to be a prefect: He literally just sat on trial in front of the entire Wizengamot for allegedly performing underage magic in front of a Muggle. And even though he was cleared, it’s not a great look to take the kid who was just on trial this summer, bring him back to Hogwarts, and give him a position of authority.

Andrew: No.

Rex: But that’s how you get authority here in the States.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: Yeah, well, this is a very special place, Rex. [laughs]

Eric: I like this explanation – or this con – the most, because it shows that Dumbledore has some kind of maybe idea of what’s going to be going on at Hogwarts this year, we hope, and he’s making sure that he doesn’t put too much of a target on Harry’s back.

Laura: I agree. And I think to wrap this up, the other thing I called out was this would be a huge conflict of interest, I think, honestly. Someone else might have called this out before too. Everyone thinks that Dumbledore has a favoritism thing going on with Harry, so this would not help.

Andrew: Yeah, I said that earlier. He doesn’t need any more heat on him.

Rex: Well, and that kind of goes with what you said about the respect thing as well, because it’s like, “Oh, of course you got it, just because you’re Dumbledore’s favorite. Screw you.”

Laura: Harry is still feeling kind of jealous and kind of ticked off about what just happened. I think it’s compounding emotions of him feeling like, “Dumbledore won’t talk to me; now he didn’t pick me for this position,” and we start to see some of that Chapter 1 maybe Horcrux energy coming through here. Micah, I’m wondering if you can read this excerpt.

Micah: “Not all the time, though, Harry argued with himself. They didn’t fight Quirrell with me. They didn’t take on Riddle and the Basilisk. They didn’t get rid of all those Dementors the night Sirius escaped. They weren’t in that graveyard with me, the night Voldemort returned.”

Laura: Yeah, and Andrew, you called out something really interesting here. We don’t get to see this a lot, right?

Andrew: Well, yeah, I mean, to build on this quote, Harry is seemingly having a conversation with himself. And here’s another passage: “Did he really believe he was better than Ron? No, said the small voice defiantly. Was that true? Harry wondered, anxiously probing his own feelings. I’m better at Quidditch, said the voice. But I’m not better at anything else. That was definitely true, Harry thought.” And this conversation with the voice in Harry’s head goes on. So yeah, I could see this being some Horcrux energy.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: And self-doubt.

Eric: I also like… I really appreciate that Harry is taking a moment here to take stock. Like, “Do I really think this way?” That’s a useful… even if you consider yourself pretty in touch with your feelings like I do, stopping and actually asking yourself, “Do I feel this way?” yields unexpected results. It puts you out of your… you’re just out of it. You’re one layer removed. So I love that Harry… we don’t see him do this too often, but it’s a really good, healthy mechanism of coping with some distress.

Laura: Yeah. I mean, honestly, you need to have pretty good self-awareness to be able to do that, to step back and be like, “Wait, why am I so ticked off about this?” And I think Harry does realize he’s being petty ultimately, and he tries to show a different face, show a different side of himself when Ron comes back to the room, because he genuinely wants to be happy for his friend.

Andrew: And one reason we get this pettiness is because by the end of the chapter, things will really be put in perspective for Harry about what he truly should be worrying about.

Eric: Yeah, that’s a really good point, to be honest. And only other thing I’ll say here is something had to cause his family to pay attention to Ron, because he deserves, actually, a lot more than he gets. The fact that he’s able to ask for and receive a new broom in this chapter is really nice because you can tell it’s something that he really wants, and then he gets it.

Andrew: Yeah, he’s always been handed… he never gets anything new, so to get something new that he wants is a big deal.

Eric: Yeah. I feel bad for each of the Weasleys, I think, a little bit.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Do we think Ron will make a good prefect, and would he be our choice?

Rex: No.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Say more, Rex. Say more.

Rex: Thinking who I think out of the five potential candidates that are the Gryffindor fifth years, I think Neville would be the best, because I think it would really help his self-confidence.

Andrew: Yeah, that’d be a great moment.

Laura: Ah, interesting that you say that.

Rex: Just because he gets… this is the time where he… in the movies, where he goes from the little frumpy kid to the attractive person; it’s kind of this book. So I think that would just overall help his mental health.

Eric: Well, there’s two moments from the first book that shine why Ron would be good as a prefect and why Neville would be good as a prefect. The Ron one is he’s strategic and is very accomplished… I mean, the chess game really shows that Ron has a brain, if he chooses to use it. The Neville one is Neville stands up to his friends. This is a big deal; it causes Dumbledore to give 10 points to Neville and wins the House Cup for Gryffindor in year one. If Dumbledore really wanted to stand by that, a prefect’s main job is to stand up to your own Gryffindors who are misbehaving and say, “Listen, guys, you’ve got to get in line.” So Neville could take what he did in year one and police his own House…

Rex: Actually fight them.

Eric: Not just Harry and Ron and Hermione, his immediate peers, but the underclassmen as well. I think Neville would actually be more than capable and certainly brave enough to take that role of authority and actually appreciate it, I think. Do you guys agree?

Laura: Yeah, and I love all of this recognition of Neville as being a good candidate to be prefect because we’re going to get to some feedback here in a little bit from a few folks who I think feel the same way as y’all do. But to bring this chapter to a close, Mrs. Weasley is, of course, throwing a dinner party for Ron and Hermione to celebrate their achievement in becoming prefects, and Harry notes that it’s genuinely the happiest that he has seen her all holiday. That’s not going to last for very long. But I do also think it’s notable that Harry turned around his petty feelings so quickly that he was able to overhear Kingsley talking to Lupin at the party and saying, “Yeah, why didn’t Dumbledore choose Harry? He totally should have picked Harry,” and he kind of lets it roll off his back; he doesn’t let it bother him.

Andrew: Yeah, and he also gets some other good news in this scene. He finds out that Tonks wasn’t a prefect either, and somebody else too, right?

Laura: Neither was his dad.

Eric: His dad, yeah.

Andrew: So it helps put things in perspective, and I think that’s the reason why, whether it’s a character in Harry Potter or in the real world, when you start talking to people about your problems, you realize that you’re not alone in having not been chosen as the prefect, or not having gotten this job. We all face rejection in life. And this for Harry, even though he wasn’t really hoping for it in the lead up to it, it feels good to know that other people went through the same thing as well, and he’s saying, “Oh, my dad, he was an awesome guy from everything I heard.”

Laura: “Yeah, he literally died for me.” [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, right. Or “Tonks seems really cool. I mean, I’m just getting to know her, but she seems cool. She didn’t get it either? Okay, all right, not all the cool people get it.”

Eric: I think that’s the immediate… that’s so like the rest of us, too, when we get bad news or news that’s unexpected, like we’ve been snubbed for something, to think more about ourselves than about all the people that we love and respect that also were snubbed or didn’t get it. It’s like, “Oh, okay.”

Andrew: I think the main reason Harry should feel upset about this is they are the trio, and he’s the third wheel in this scenario.

Eric: Yes. Yes, that is so unique.

Andrew: And that would be a crappy feeling for, I think, any of us to experience, if one of the trio is left out of anything.

Eric: That’s a good point.

Micah: But Ron is usually the one on the outside looking in, in most of these situations.

Laura: I was going to say that.

Andrew: Right, right. He needs to put his ego aside and be happy for Harry.

Eric: I think at this point, Dumbledore should send conciliatory letters to each of the four other… because there’s only four candidates besides Ron that could have been chosen this year. There’s got to be some answering. I wonder if any of the kids could fight this. Dean Thomas probably studies hard; Dean probably deserved this.

Micah: It’s good for Harry, though. I mean, it’s a security blanket for him. He could really do whatever he… I mean, he could do whatever he wants anyway, but…

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: Dumbledore’s favorite boy, after all.

Micah: Look at the positives, Harry: Your two best friends are prefects.

Rex: So now he really can’t get in trouble.

Laura: Exactly.

Eric: What would Draco do with this kind of power?

Micah: Oh, wait.

[Laura and Rex laugh]

Laura: Well, someone else we get to see at the party at the end of this chapter is Mad-Eye Moody, and he serves a couple of purposes. One is to confirm for Molly that creature hiding in the writing desk upstairs is indeed a boggart. He offers to go take care of it for her, but she waves him off and says, “No, thanks, Alastor; I got it,” and she disappears to go handle that. While that’s underway, Moody pulls out an old photo of the OG Order of the Phoenix, which of course included Harry’s parents, young Sirius, Neville’s parents… and this could have been a heartwarming moment, but Moody basically spent the entire interaction telling Harry how all these people died, and it kind of turns Harry off. I can understand why, especially given that his parents were some of the people in that picture who also died at the hands of Voldemort and the Death Eaters.

Rex: But he’s just beating Harry to the questions, because isn’t everyone in that photo dead? But like, four people?

Laura: Right, right. I think the thing is he’s getting a little bit specific about what happened to people. It’s not just like, “Oh yeah, they died.” He gets into some very specific details about how they met their ends, and I can understand why that was not a conversation Harry was looking forward to having at a party. So Harry, in an effort to get away from this very awkward conversation, decides to go upstairs, and he hears someone sobbing hysterically, and he enters… it’s the parlor, right? Or the writing room. And Mrs. Weasley is there trying to Riddikulus this boggart, which has taken on the forms of her dead family members, and it keeps changing. Harry sees a dead Ron, I believe he sees a dead Arthur, a dead Fred and George… it just keeps changing. And Molly is really losing it; she’s losing her ability to control her emotions and her reactions in this moment. You can totally understand why. But I wonder, is the death of Molly’s family her greatest fear? Has it always been her greatest fear? Or is that circumstantial because of the war?

Andrew: I think it’s circumstantial now more than ever. Yeah, I mean, there’s this impending war. She knows Voldemort is back, and that must have changed her feelings on this. But I think as a mother, naturally, yeah, you would be… losing a loved one, a family member, would be one of your greatest fears.

Eric: Well, it’s happened to Molly. Gideon and Fabian Pruitt, who are mentioned moments ago, were her brothers. Although it’s not mentioned that they were brothers when Moody names them, but they were. So Molly already knows what this is like to lose family to war, so it makes sense to me that this is at the very least as recently as the first war is when she would have gotten this as a boggart.

Laura: Yeah. Ultimately, Lupin comes in clutch, though, saves the day as he always does, and I feel like it’s so fitting to let Lupin be the one to do away with this boggart.

Andrew: Yeah. And I do really like the scene because as I said earlier, it puts things in perspective for Harry. It’s an important end cap to what happened in this chapter, and it’s a reminder of the dangers that lie ahead.

Micah: Yeah. And also, if we were to draw some parallels between Books 3 and Books 5, you just mentioned Lupin coming in to save the day and the whole boggart scene; I mean, that whole boggart scene plays itself out in Prisoner of Azkaban as well, so it’s a little bit of a throwback there. But I do like also the fact that… well, I don’t like the fact that Harry shows up at the very tail end on the floor dead, but it does reinforce this whole idea that Harry is family to the Weasleys, especially to Molly. And I thought for all of the grief that we’ve thrown Sirius’s way, and for as frustrated as Molly has been with him, he really does come through at the end of this chapter when he says, “What, do you think we would let your kids starve?”

Andrew: Right. But that’s what happens, I think, when you’re hysterical and really upset; you’re not thinking clearly. So it’s nice to see Moody…

Micah: Sirius.

Andrew: Sirius. Sorry.

Eric: Whatever his name is. Whoever that guy is.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Well, coming from him, I think it means more.

Andrew: Moody Sirius is what I meant. No, I’m kidding.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Sirius is kind of moody.

Eric: That works.

Laura: Well, and I think it’s also helpful that she is reminded that they’re in a much better position this time around, that they have way more on their side. They’re better organized. Last time around, Death Eaters were picking members of the Order off like it was nothing, so I think that goes a long way to reassuring her as well.


Superlative of the Week


Laura: But speaking of boggarts, for our question of the week to wrap our chapter discussion before we get into this week’s Lynx Line, I wanted to ask each member of our panel to answer what each of our boggarts would be. But that chapter ends on a dark note with how scary Molly’s boggart is, so I want to give a qualifier: It needs to be what would our boggart be within the context of Grimmauld Place?

Andrew: And I like that you’re framing it this way because we’ve talked about what each of our boggarts would be in the past on this show.

Eric: It’s the end of this show.

Andrew: So for me, it would be Fred and George popping in to my room when I’m just hanging out there, wanting to be left alone, reading. I don’t want to be bothered by them.

Eric: And they would bother you. They’re the ones who would go in on purpose…

Andrew: They bother everybody.

Eric: Yeah, well, you’d be like, “Hey, I’m busy.” And they’d be like, “So?”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: They’d be hard to shake. I thought of one: I’d hate to be confined in the desk the way the boggart was; that would… I’m picturing an antique roll top desk, which are pretty cool, but I’d hate to be stuck in one.

Micah: For me, it’s definitely those severed house-elf heads that are mounted on the wall.

Eric: Yep. Going to add to the collection.

Laura: You must not like it when you go places and establishments where people have actual animal heads hanging on their walls.

Micah: Deer heads. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah. For me, it would be all mentions of mold. The entire time we’ve been at Grimmauld Place, it is moldy, it is grubby, it is dank, it is cold, and that whole vibe is disgusting to me, so my boggart is the mold.

Eric: It’s a bacterial nightmare!

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Rex: And my boggart, as someone who just does not like loud sounds, would be Mrs. Black’s portrait that screams.

Andrew: Yeah, especially in your own home. You don’t want that. You want peace in your home.

Eric: Not unless it’s an alarm clock. I would rig up a device to pull the curtain back at the right moment, and it’d be like, the only way to shut it up would be to physically go downstairs. It actually would be the perfect alarm.

Laura: Awesome. Well, thanks, y’all, for that.


Lynx Line


Laura: And now we are going to turn to our Lynx Line, which is our newest benefit on Patreon. Thank you so much to all of those who support us at Patreon.com/MuggleCast for answering this week’s question. And I had to ask the patrons – because I knew we were going to have opinions, but I want to showcase theirs – should Dumbledore have made Harry a prefect instead of Ron? Why or why not? I was asking for supporting detail, and y’all gave it.

Andrew: Carlee said,

“As a music teacher, I often make decisions like these myself. Soloists at a concert, all-county delegates, special parts in a song, etc. I hate auditions because breaking little hearts is the worst! But it must be done, so choose I must. Sometimes I pick the student with the best sound and confidence. Sometimes I pick the student who auditioned because he wanted to try something new, or the student I know will work hardest to memorize their part, or the girl who doesn’t get a chance to shine anywhere else. Everything I do is with an eye toward education, not perfection. My choice would have been Neville (or Dean, but we don’t know much about him as readers). Neville needs the boost, his behavior is worlds above Harry’s and Ron’s, and it would give him the respect he so often misses out on from the others in his House. That being said, I can say Ron was probably chosen for similar reasons. I would have put Neville above Ron due to behavior, but maybe it’s like Lupin’s theory that Dumbledore had hoped he’d have some influence over James and Sirius.”

Eric: I love that. This is a great just insight. I really want to thank you, Carlee, for putting that in as far as how do you really give something to a student? And seeing that the results vary and that the goals are more, like you said, education over perfection is so excellent. Zachary wrote,

“Given Harry’s unpredictability, I think Ron was the obvious choice, especially with everything that’s going on in Harry’s life. We need to remember that, save for the Goblet of Fire, Ron has always been the most level-headed of the trio, and has consistently been the glue that holds them all together. Book Ron doesn’t get near as much credit as he should. He is nowhere near the person Percy is, but still knows how to keep his family in line at times.”

Laura: Agreed. Rex, I think you’re going to like this one from Eleanor. Eleanor says,

“No. This is one of the things Dumbledore gets absolutely right (well, in relation to Harry and Ron). Ron needs encouragement. He needs someone to show faith in him. He’s been overlooked his whole life. He needs to be seen. The only better choice would have been Neville. As for the rule-breaking, who was Head Boy? James Potter, not known for his obedience. Dumbledore seems to pick his student ambassadors as much for what it will do for them as anything else.”

So I had forgotten about this. Was this a book-ism or was this a movie-ism, that James Potter was Head Boy? I can’t remember.

Rex: It was in the movie for sure.

Laura: I know it was in the movie; I just can’t remember if it was also in the book.

Andrew: Apparently Hagrid did tell that to Harry in the book.

Laura: So I like how they kind of gaslight Harry here. They’re like, “Oh, your dad wasn’t a prefect.”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: And then a couple years later, it’s like, “He was Head Boy.”

Andrew: And Lily was Head Girl.

Eric: It’s just a good thing that Harry doesn’t go to Hogwarts in year seven so that he doesn’t need to worry about somebody else being chosen as Head Boy over him.

Micah: Leah says,

“I think any other headmaster would have gone with Harry, specifically because Harry is the epitome of a model Gryffindor. He’s a great role model with all of his heroic/good/brave endeavors. He has good grades; we only consider them average compared to Hermione. But it’s Dumbledore, and he’s busy playing master manipulator, so I think part of the decision process was genuinely feeling bad about giving Harry more ish to do on top of what he knows he’s about to ask Harry to do. Or maybe playing wingman in Ron and Hermione’s relationship with them both being prefects together.”

Eric: Yep.

Rex: Cassandra says,

“Not Harry. We can see a teensy bit of conceit growing in Harry already. It’s good for him to realize that other people also have strengths.”

Eric: Yeah, that’s well said. That’s well said.

Andrew: And Justin says,

“Of course not. If Voldemort did possess Harry as Dumbledore feared, you can’t have a possessed Harry walking around the castle with extra permissions.”

Eric: Oh my God, I didn’t even think about this! Yeah, that’s wild, because wasn’t Riddle prefect or Head Boy?

Rex: Or both, maybe. Who knows?

Eric: Or both, yeah. Jiggly Jane says,

“Welp, I’m seeing a lot of Harry haters here. I’m going to go against the grain and say yes. Harry definitely deserved it more, and I’ve never been much of a Ron fan. He’s a good friend, but a dorky sidekick. Like Kingsley says in the book, choosing Harry would have shown confidence in Harry, and not alienate him so much.”

As we go on with this, I can appreciate Rex’s position more, which is not Harry or Ron, but neither. [laughs]

Micah: Mayur says,

“Absolutely not. There’s no way he could have given the job the attention and care it requires. With all the stuff going on that year, the Gryffindors deserve a prefect that isn’t distracted by Voldemort and lessons with Dumbledore.”

Eric: Wow.

Laura: Yeah, fair enough. Krysten adds,

“Heroism aside, there isn’t a single school year up to this point where the three of them didn’t break the rules. They get away with everything, so truthfully, I don’t think any of the trio deserved it. But since it had to be one of the golden trio, I think Ron needed the confidence boost, so that’s who I would have picked if forced.”

Andrew: And lastly, Rachel said,

“I’m loving seeing other comments that it should have been Dean Thomas, because that’s exactly what I was going to say. He seems responsible, and a good student. Maybe a little on the quiet side, I don’t know if he’d have wanted the role, but I think he’d have been a good choice. I think it was wise of Dumbledore not to put the extra attention, title, or responsibility on Harry, recognizing he was going through a lot.”

Yeah, so it’s not really Harry hate; it’s just we have some concerns, some valid concerns. Listeners, if you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that’s recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And speaking of participation, it’s now time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s Quizzitch question was: The UK judicial system established a Supreme Court in 2009, but prior to that, what was the highest court in the UK? And the correct answer was House of Lords. So 71% of people said they didn’t look it up, and correct answers were submitted by 99 problems but a Snitch ain’t one…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: … A Healthy Breeze; Bort Voldemort; Buff Daddy; CatTheRavenclawPrefect; George the next door neighbor; Happy Charmander; Hermione’s poor, overfilled and overworked talking homework planner; Judge Mental Fudge… ha. Lisa; Mirror, mirror, on the wall, which one of the mirrors will roast me best of all?; Rawenpuff from Sweden; supermegafoxyawesomehot; Toad McToadface; and “Up until this point, I thought the bit was called Quizzage. I only now see that it’s called Quizzitch, and that makes much more sense.” Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: What fountain gets the most money thrown into it per year? It is an excess of 1 million of the currency. Submit your answer to us on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, and while you’re on the website, check out transcripts and all sorts of fun things, including our must listens page. And again, it’s just that little button in the nav.

Andrew: You can also check out our other weekly podcasts, What the Hype?! and Millennial, for more pop culture and real world talk from the four of us. In the latest What the Hype?! episodes, we discuss our favorite Christmas movies, and we catch up on listener feedback, then over on Millennial that was another listener feedback-oriented episode, and we discuss anonymous confessionals we receive from our listeners. One person asked, “Am I a creep for randomly winking at people?” Yes.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: These shows are brought to you by Muggles like you; listener support is the only reason we’ve been able to podcast for 19 years and counting, and there are several great ways to help us out. You can visit MuggleCastMerch.com to get official MuggleCast shirts, hoodies, glassware, hats, and more. Ask Santa to shop there for you as well. You can also ask Santa or a loved one in your life to visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast/gift, so they can send you a Patreon membership this holiday season. And speaking of the holidays, we have a new bonus MuggleCast coming up this week in which we discuss: Are the Harry Potter movies truly Christmas movies? We’ll explore that and the Christmassy moments in today’s bonus MuggleCast. Rex, thanks for joining us today.

Rex: Yeah, thank you for having me. This was so much fun.

Andrew: Good, yeah. Listeners, if you enjoy MuggleCast and think other Muggles would too, tell a friend about the show, and we’d appreciate a five star review in your favorite podcast app. That does it for this week’s episode. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Rex: And I’m Rex.

Andrew: Bye, everyone.

Laura: Bye.

Transcript #684

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #684, Albus Dumbledore Superstar (OOTP Chapter 8, The Hearing)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the Wizarding World fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Laura Tee: I’m Laura.

Andrew: And put on your smartest clothing and prepare for a dose of justice, because this week we are wrongly standing on trial. Woo! Happy holidays, everybody. And to help us with today’s discussion, we are joined by one of our Slug Club patrons this week, Monet! Hi, Monet.

Monet: Hi!

Andrew: Welcome to the show.

Monet: Thank you so much. I’m excited.

Andrew: You’re welcome. And you’re down in Florida, so thank you for taking some vacation time out to podcast with us. Hopefully this is just as relaxing. [laughs] Can we get your fandom ID before we get started?

Monet: Yeah, my favorite book is the Half-Blood Prince; my favorite movie is either Chamber of Secrets or Deathly Hallows – Part 1; my Hogwarts House is Gryffindor; Ilvermorny House is Pukwudgie; and my favorite character in Order of the Phoenix is actually Ginny, because I think that she had her conversation with Hermione where Hermione was like, “You gotta chill out,” while they were at 12 Grimmauld Place. And she starts to act really like herself, fierce and kind and talented and brave. She comes up with the name for Dumbledore’s army, all that stuff.

Andrew: Good answer. Eric, I’m sure you approve of that, being a Ginny fan.

Eric: I’m thrilled. Also, I have a follow-up question, Monet: What do you love about the seventh film? Deathly Hallows – Part 1. Because I think that’s a less common favorite. I really love it myself, but…

Monet: It’s a good question. I think it’s partially from the books, because I remember reading the first part of that book and just being mind-blown by just… my adrenaline was rushing and so many of the scenes are so visceral, like them arriving on Tottenham Court Road after the wedding, and being at Malfoy Manor, and all that stuff. It’s so… and then I love the stuff, just the interpersonal stuff; Ron comes back, and that’s my favorite chapter in the book, is when he comes back, so yeah.

Eric: Aw. Yeah, I agree.

Andrew: I love that you said Deathly Hallows – Part 1 as well because just this last week, I guess it was through my Spotify AI DJ or maybe on the radio – I don’t know – but I heard “O Children” for the first time in forever!

Eric: Ahh!

Laura: Ohh.

Andrew: I was like, “Oh, I forgot this song!” That was a good song; that was a good moment in the movie. Well, anyway, thank you again for joining us today, Monet, and thanks for your support on Patreon. Speaking of Patreon, listeners, you can now gift a Patreon membership. If you’ve been wanting a membership to our Patreon and you’re still crafting your wish list for Santa or whoever else, send your friend or family members a link to Patreon.com/MuggleCast/gift; they will be able to gift you anywhere from one to 12 months of Patreon access. And once you get your gift membership, you’ll receive access to bonus MuggleCast episodes, our livestreams, a new physical gift every year, and a lot more, including merch discounts.

Eric: Oooh.

Andrew: If you’re looking to bring MuggleCast into the Muggle world, MuggleCastMerch.com is offering a Black Friday sale. Listeners can use code “SIRIUS” to get 15% off any item now through Cyber Monday, and don’t delay, because this is our first and best offer of the year. Laura, you’re wearing a MuggleCast shirt right now, aren’t you?

Laura: That’s right, I am wearing my “No Theory Is Safe” shirt. And you do get some choices in colors with a lot of these shirts; I chose the burgundy version of the shirt, and I feel like it looks really, really great in person. Super comfy. Very soft.

Andrew: It does look great. I’ve yet to see it in person, so I need to order one of those for myself, I think.

Eric: Also, Andrew, did you say that was code “Sirius,” as in Sirius Black for Black Friday?

Andrew: Do you get it? Do you get it?

Eric: I get it!

[Laura and Monet laugh]

Andrew: Eric sent me a message in Slack like, “That was a great code idea!”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: I said, “Thanks!”

Eric: Listen, I’ve got to give the compliments when I can. It’s wonderful.

Andrew: [laughs] So again, code “SIRIUS” to get 15% off any item now through Cyber Monday. In addition, patrons will get 20% off through a code that is posted on Black Friday, and that one, too, will run through Cyber Monday.

Eric: Woohoo.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: Now it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 8, “The Hearing.”

Eric: That’s right. What? What? Damn, I missed an opportunity to… “The Hearing”? Huh? Huh?

[Andrew and Monet laugh]

Eric: We last discussed Chapter 8 of Order of the Phoenix on Episode 441, titled “Brian?” for November 4, 2019.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: That was with special guest Mike Schubert; you’ll hear him in a moment. He’s also, since that recording, got a Percy Jackson podcast, which is really cool, called “The Newest Olympian.” And originally we did Chapter by Chapter for this chapter on Episode 240, “Join the Weasleys.” October 2, 2011.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 240.

Andrew: And it’s sad and an interesting plot point because it’s like, why would…? Seeing someone leave the Weasley family clan… it’s always been such a happy family, and then suddenly there is this drama, and it’s surprising.

Eric: Yeah. Heck, if I knew there was an opening in the Weasley family, I’d join in.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: I’d dye my hair red.

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 441.

Laura: I think the biggest tripping point for her was where she said the Dementors were running.

[Andrew and Mike laugh]

Laura: And that was probably in a moment of nervousness. She’s trying to convey they were moving rapidly.

Mike: Honestly, though, a running Dementor I think is scarier than a gliding Dementor.

Andrew: Yeah. Ew, those ghosts have legs?

Mike: Imagine that big thing running. [laughs]

Andrew: And they just have, what, night black legs and shoes? Or are they running barefoot?

Micah: They wear Nikes.

Eric: Definitely Vans.

Micah: It has to be special Nikes.

Andrew: I was going to say they have Crocs. They would wear Crocs.

[Everyone laughs]

[Whooshing sound]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Eric: Do we have any updated thoughts on what shoes Dementors wear?

Laura: I was going to ask, could we see them in New Balance? Have they entered their dad era?

Eric: Probably.

Andrew: I’m standing by the Crocs comment.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I think that’s the best answer.

Eric: I think so too, yeah. Monet, what are your thoughts on that?

[Laura laughs]

Monet: Oh, gosh. Combat boots, maybe?

Eric: Ooh! Okay.

Laura: Oh yeah, I like that one.

Monet: To go with the scary vibe?

Andrew: That makes it scarier for sure, yeah.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Eric: So let’s get into this chapter. I know, Andrew, you said that it’s one of justice, but that kind of barely ekes out; it’s mostly one of injustice and terror. Pretty much everyone in this room seems hell bent on making this a terrifying time for Harry. It’s really difficult to read it. It really just illustrates how far the government is willing to go to discredit Harry, and I think it’s probably pretty safe to say that justice is being undone. Harry’s due process rights, the right to have an attorney present, and essentially his ability to be given what he needs to be on his best foot, are just completely removed, and I really feel like this chapter resets the game board for how we think things are going to go in the future, because it shows that the government is not on Harry’s side, and here’s how terrifying they can be.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: Basically saying, “All bets are off. You can expect the unexpected now. We will treat Harry as we wish.” Now, of course, there’s a wildcard that changes all of this when Dumbledore comes in, but without him, he would have been in a lot more trouble and probably not have gone back to Hogwarts.

Eric: Do we feel like our initial read-throughs of this chapter maybe meant something a little different? Or they hit us differently now?

Laura: Yeah, they definitely do. I remember reading this for the first time, it felt like this wasn’t something that could play out in modern society in this way. Definitely felt like it was more reminiscent of the past as a way of demonstrating a lesson to be taken away. But unfortunately, I think a big part of growing up is coming to realize that the world is not fair, and there are people who are intentionally set up to fail the way that Harry is being set up to fail here.

Eric: Yeah. I mean, it’s the… all of the things that Fudge in particular is doing to really just mess with Harry and terrify him is really untoward, but he’s got all the power. So essentially – and we’re going to talk about the ways that Dumbledore saves the day – but the ways in which the Ministry have stacked this against Harry are as follows: First of all, this is a full criminal trial with all 50 members of the Wizengamot. Apparently, this is unusual, because Dumbledore is like, “It shouldn’t be standard practice to have this many people.” But he’s actually… the trial is being held in the room where actual Death Eaters were prosecuted after the end of the first wizarding war here, and in fact, Harry has seen this room in Dumbledore’s Pensieve in the last book. And it’s got this big chair in the center of it that has chains that wrap all around you; that’s still there. The chair is still there. The chains are still there. Harry gets close to it. They wiggle; they’re really anticipating…

Andrew: “Let me at him.”

Eric: “Strap him down!”

[Monet laughs]

Eric: It just is awful. And the previous chapter, Arthur Weasley is like, “They haven’t had a hearing down here in years,” which means they really made effort to make it this terrifying setting for Harry.

Andrew: And speaking of intimidation, we see this in Mary Grand-Pré’s chapter art. The Ministry is looking down on Harry. Harry is, it looks like, a good 5 to 10 feet below them, having to look up. That’s an intimidation tactic, especially for a child. He feels so inferior, not just because of how many people are listening to him – all these strangers in the dark, in this gross, old, cold, dark room – but he’s also sitting significantly below them to make him feel even more insufficient and inferior.

Eric: The idea that Harry would be able to answer even a simple question in these circumstances with them domineering over him all this time is terrifying. I know several of us have been to traffic court over the years, but have you ever had to look into the eyes of a judge and answer any question, even if it’s just “Is your name ____?” It’s terrifying. Authority is already scary, and now Harry is finding himself in a position to have to defend when the stakes could be that he loses access to magic forever and can’t go to Hogwarts.

Monet: The fact that he does as well as he does – doesn’t burst into tears or screaming or anything like that – and manages to say something, I think, is really impressive. I think I would just shake. It’s so scary.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Laura: I agree. And I think a lot of that is due to societal pressures that I think most of us carry where even if intellectually, we know that just because you have to appear in a courtroom, it doesn’t automatically mean you did something to deserve to be there, but there is a societal interpretation that a lot of people carry of, “Oh, you must have done something to get yourself in this situation,” and it can make it really easy for you to undermine yourself and to assume that the deck is stacked against you, which, if it weren’t for Dumbledore here, it definitely would be.

Eric: Well, the deck is against him.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: They’re preying on him, they’re preying on his youth, they’re preying on the fact that they have all the power, and it’s disgusting. We mentioned both the time and the place of the hearing were changed the very last minute, and when Harry goes in there – it’s at the beginning of this chapter – the first thing they say to him is, “You’re late.” Like, “You have failed to make a good impression on us, Mr. Harry James Potter.”

Andrew: Yeah, off to a terrible start. And like I was saying last week on the show, you need time to collect yourself before going into something like this. He had zero time. He was totally thrown off.

Eric: Well, it was taken from him.

Andrew: Yeah, right. And Monet, I’m totally with you. I would be scared and crying and shaking as well.

Eric: Same.

Andrew: If I ever saw a bear and I was alone, I would do everything wrong. I would scream, shake, cry, run away, and I would be eaten by the bear. I wouldn’t follow protocol.

Monet: [laughs] It feels like there should… the other members of the Wizengamot should be more shocked or something. I think later when Dumbledore points it out, they are, and there is a murmur or something. But some of them must be sitting there being like, “What is going on?” Right?

Eric: Yeah, like, “We haven’t been in this room for years.” [laughs]

Andrew: Well, I agree with you, and I think part of it is that they don’t want to get on Fudge’s bad side, and maybe they know that Fudge has an ax to grind, so they’re just going along with it. And maybe they’re secretly hoping that Harry is going to be excused. I mean, it does come down to a vote, too, so they could have all been, “Oh, this sucks, but let’s entertain Fudge, and we’ll all vote that he’s free, he’s cleared of all charges.” They could have been thinking that whether or not Dumbledore was going to show up. I would like to think that many of them were going to vote to let Harry off the hook even if Dumbledore wasn’t there, because there’s no case here.

Laura: Yeah. I think Fudge probably poisoned the well, too. We have to think most people on the Wizengamot have never come into contact with Harry Potter, so they don’t really know him as a person, and how long have they been listening to Fudge spew garbage about Harry all summer long? So they probably walked into this, at least some of them, with some preconceptions of the person they were going to be seeing sitting in front of them, and I think a lot of them were surprised by what they saw, especially when Dumbledore comes to the rescue here.

Eric: It’s a bias, to your point. It’s an inherent bias. And Fudge has a complete control of the media; he’s leaning on the Prophet heavily to publish only what he wants them to publish, including a lot of slander or libel against Harry Potter and about Dumbledore. But just this notion of changing the time and the place wasn’t just to make Harry look bad, but to make it impossible for Dumbledore to show up and so he wouldn’t have his counsel there. How do we think Harry would have fared if he had to do this alone? If Dumbledore weren’t expecting exactly this kind of thing?

Laura: Oh, Harry would have been convicted. He would have been expelled from Hogwarts. I think Dumbledore may have come in after the fact to clean up the mess, so I don’t know that Harry would have been permanently expelled, but I think we could have seen a chapter that ended on a really solemn note of Harry realizing he’s being convicted.

Andrew: To Azkaban for him. School is over. This book series ends two books early.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Well, and that’s the… I hate to keep using the words “scary” and “terrifying,” but it’s all I can think of to say. But this idea that Harry, who defended himself in this instance of magic in front of a Muggle, wouldn’t be believed and wouldn’t be allowed to present evidence… now, nobody… I don’t think the letter that said he had a hearing indicated what his rights are, to say “You could bring a witness,” because that’s kind of a shock, that a witness can even be brought to this sort of a thing. Glad Dumbledore knows the law, but they really didn’t go out of their way to give Harry any ability to not be found completely guilty.

Andrew: Yeah. How do you think this would have played out, Monet, had Dumbledore not participated?

Monet: Yeah, I agree with Laura; I don’t think it would have gone very well at all. [laughs] I think there’s two trials that we see in the series in present day – obviously, we see a bunch in flashback – and one of them is Mary Cattermole in Deathly Hallows, and that one was very similar to this one, I think, because she didn’t have representation; she didn’t have a chance to present her own evidence. She was in the same kind of configuration, and so I think what we saw playing out there is very similar to what it would have looked like if Dumbledore hadn’t been there. And I think the other thing I was thinking was Umbridge ran that trial, too, and so it seems like this is a prototype, or like a first experiment, or whatever, for how her anti-Muggle-born trials will go in the future. There’s no rights, there’s no sense of fairness, or no one’s told what they’re allowed or anything. They kind of go in with an assumption that they’re guilty.

Eric: Drawing that connection is amazing to me and completely apt.

Laura: Yeah, that’s a great catch. And I love the idea that Umbridge is kind of using this as a test balloon for what’s to come. I mean, that makes her even more insidious.

Eric: Yeah. So another thing that strikes me toward the beginning of the hearing is just Harry is in a room where he has no friends. This is before Dumbledore shows up. The fact that the person he knows the best is Percy Weasley…

Andrew: [laughs] Great.

Eric: … and Percy is there to take notes on behalf of… to suck up, to do what Percy is doing. And Amelia Bones, I think, throughout the trial we see her as someone who is 100% neutral. She asks follow-up questions that aren’t damaging, that aren’t meant to intimidate. She praises him on his corporeal Patronus; that’s the one little shred of positivity here on this whole court. But to be isolated, to not even be allowed to have somebody like Arthur, for instance, there sitting somewhere… it doesn’t even have to be next to him, obviously, but just somewhere in the room. The fact that that’s denied to him, I think, is sad as well, and kind of just scary. It really makes things worse.

Andrew: Yeah, the one person who only seems sort of kind of – but not really – on his side is Amelia Bones. She seems to be taking it down the middle-of-the-road approach, and it seems like she would be sympathetic to Harry had Fudge not been there. But of course, he is, and I think she knows that she has to face Fudge after this.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. She does what she can. We know that she’s a good egg from other areas of canon. But here’s the thing: Even when Harry does do his testimony, he’s cut short. He’s interrupted. Fudge is always asking, always completely… he can’t get a sentence out, and it’s because – I think it’s pretty transparent – those who are questioning him are too scared of the answer. The fact that Harry is able to blurt out, “It’s because of the Dementors…” You get the impression that Fudge never wanted that fact to come out, and it seems so silly, because you’re like, “Of course, why else would somebody cast a Patronus shielding charm?” That’s one of the two things that we know that Patronuses are used for period, and I don’t think there was a Lethifold on Wisteria Walk. But it’s to the degree that Harry was never going to be allowed to give any kind of defense. I think showing that they can’t even let him use full sentences is a ghastly indication of what it would have been like without Dumbledore there.

Andrew: What’s also interesting to me, Eric, is you said Fudge was anticipating hearing the Dementors excuse…

Eric: I wonder.

Andrew: Yeah, well, I mean, the irony here is that he says that Harry came up with this grand story about Dementors, when Fudge was the one who was also bracing for it; he was prepared to come up with some crap about Dementors too. Only Harry’s story wasn’t crap. I agree with you that the way Fudge jumps in just tells you that he doesn’t want to hear the truth. And what I also love about Dumbledore’s appearance – which we will get to, of course – is that he’s kind of clapping back at Fudge at the same rate and with the same style that Fudge is to Harry. He’s giving him a taste of his own medicine.

Monet: And Fudge keeps calling Harry’s stories taradiddles and clap trap and all of this stuff…

Andrew: Clap trap. [laughs]

Monet: He’s so biased, it’s ridiculous.

Eric: Well, yeah, and that really goes to show you, there’s got to be some kind of barometer, or measure of the fairness of a court situation; you can learn a lot about the country by the court. But the idea that this would be so heavy-handed against Harry, against what we know the truth to be… we were reading in that chapter. We were in Harry’s head. We know what he was thinking; we know what he was doing. The idea that the government doesn’t want to hear it and they want to expel him and remove him from power because he’s dangerous to them or their agenda is, yeah, pretty rough. So we are going to talk all about how Dumbledore – knight in shining armor – comes and saves the day, but first, we have an ad!

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Was that a Fudge impression?

Eric: No, I don’t know what it was.

Andrew: It sounded like it.

Eric: I knew it was odd, but I don’t know what it was.

[Ad break]

Eric: Now let’s talk about Albus Dumbledore Superstar! Jazz hands.

Andrew: [singing] Albus Dumbledore Superstar!

[Monet laughs]

Eric: Here he is, folks, the smartest man in any room, and now he’s in our room.

Andrew: Wow, this is so nice. Is this because Micah isn’t here?

Eric: Yeah. Well, there’s… [laughs] I wouldn’t say there’s a complete causal link, but it’s nice to… I just had the idea of Albus Dumbledore Superstar, and I was like, “We have to lead with that.” So when Dumbledore arrives, obviously Harry is relieved, but not only because he’s been wanting to see Dumbledore for months; he knows that the only chance he has is here. And in fact, Harry feels, it says in the book, a powerful emotion, “a fortified, hopeful feeling rather like that which phoenix song gave him” in the past. So another connection between Dumbledore and phoenixes.

Andrew: Yeah. Well, I love that Harry’s emotions here are described as heart-swelling, because Harry has been really frustrated by the fact, for this entire book to date, that Dumbledore has been nowhere. He’s been wondering where he is. “Why is he coming into Grimmauld Place in the middle of the night when I’m asleep? Where is he for my trial? I am so alone here.” And then in comes Dumbledore to this trial when he needs him most, and he is just serving and delivering and kicking wizard booty.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: It’s just so great to see from a reader perspective, too. I still remember my own heart swelling the first time I read this book and this scene. It just felt so good to see Dumbledore come in, and not just show up and be like, “Hey, I’m a witness,” or, “I’m here just to hang out.” I mean, he was kicking butt. He had a mission.

Eric: Do you think…? Well, that’s kind of my question to all of us, then, to the panel, is do we forgive him for ignoring Harry because he shows up when he absolutely bare minimum needs to?

Monet: I would say maybe not, but I do think there’s something really, I don’t know, powerful and memorable when someone stands up for you; it’s one of the most… I don’t know, things that I remember about people that gives me trust in them. So I think in his head of what he was trying to do with the Horcrux and Voldemort and trying to… whatever. It’s still a good thing that he did. I don’t love that he kept ignoring Harry, but at least it was kind of a powerful, supportive motion. I guess it made it more confusing for Harry, but still.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: He suffered for numerous chapters and months, but on the other hand, it created a great moment right here, so… worth it.

Eric: I guess it’s a little bit of mixed messaging, yeah. I guess…

Monet: It’s mixed messaging.

Eric: Yeah, it’s mixed… well, but to your point, Monet, when somebody stands up for you, it’s unexpected, especially someone you weren’t expecting it from to stand up for you. And I think Harry has resolved himself; he’s resigned himself to being like, “Dumbledore is ignoring me,” to have… Dumbledore is probably the last person Harry thinks is actually going to walk through the door. But Dumbledore has been doing this ever since it first happened, ever since the instance of the Dementors in Little Whinging. We found out in this chapter that that night, Dumbledore is talking to Fudge about what he can and can’t do to Harry’s wand. We did know… we saw from the owls, the peck of owls that came through, that Dumbledore was personally managing it, but to get Dumbledore’s first-hand account, which gets brought up here… Dumbledore really has actively been fighting for Harry’s rights. It’s just… it’s good somebody has been, because again, the government is not making this easy, and they could have snapped his wand. And even if there’s an appeal process, even if there’s months and months of red tape to get through, the wand is snapped; he’s not getting it back. And we as readers know exactly how important that specific wand is to the future of the wizarding world, and it would have been gone. So glad Dumbledore is here. But he ultimately does something I think is really significant in bringing Arabella Figg in as a witness, because if Fudge’s tactic is to take everything that he’s even going to let Harry say, and say that Harry is making it up, what Dumbledore does is he says, “There were Dementors, and I can prove it. Here we have a witness who also saw them, and there you go,” because immediately Fudge can’t say that this only appears in Harry’s head then, and that, I think, is… I think Dumbledore pre-anticipated what the argument was going to be from Fudge.

Andrew: Yeah. And Monet, you have a question here that actually, I was wondering myself, about how much Figg actually witnessed herself?

Monet: Yeah, I’ve seen different takes on was she really…? Was she lying? Or I don’t think she was lying completely, but it seems like it’s implied, especially in Harry’s inner monologue, that he’s like, “Ohh…” He thinks she’s lying about at least seeing them. But if Dudley felt them, clearly she felt them, so it’s an interesting… and why did she have to say that she visualized them anyways if she felt them?

Andrew: Yeah, like you said, Harry doesn’t feel like she’s a compelling witness, and she’s screwing up a couple of the details initially. And just the read to me was that she was coming off very rehearsed, like Dumbledore coached her. He created a witness. But then – and maybe it was just for the storytelling moment, another moment as good as Dumbledore swooping in to save the day – she really does bring it home when she starts to describe just how it feels to be in the presence of a Dementor. So I could go either way on this, actually. I mean, she could have just accurately described it too. Dumbledore could have coached her if he wanted. Do we know for sure she definitely witnessed what went down?

Eric: No, I don’t think we know, and I think it’s equally suspect if she did actually see them, because again, if Fudge’s whole argument is “Harry made them up,” and Dumbledore’s counter response is going to be to bring someone in who saw them… she can’t see them, so how is this a good idea when it comes down to it? And maybe Dumbledore’s gamble was almost foiled by that exact fact when she said that they were running. So maybe Dumbledore is…

Monet: She must have seen something, because doesn’t she come down the alleyway and say, “The Dementors! Get your wand out. The Dementors!”

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: And I think you can also chalk up her stumbles to just being nervous in the setting, just like Harry was.

Eric: Well, people don’t do well under pressure, and to the point, how stressful is this whole experience? What does this room look like to Figg? And she’s not even the subject of this hearing. It’s terrifying.

Laura: Yeah. And she’s also an underrepresented member of this society…

Eric: Oh, snap.

Laura: … and the panel, especially Fudge, are coming at her with some preconceived notions that are pretty offensive. She gets kind of indignant when he says, “Can Squibs even see Dementors?” And she’s like, “Yes, we can!”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: And I mean, I don’t know. I feel like if Squibs can see other things in the wizarding world, like ghosts… I assume they can see ghosts. I assume they can see Thestrals if they’ve seen somebody die. Why not Dementors? But even… it might have been the first time she ever saw one in person; that could also be part of it. She might have been overwhelmed by the visual and not known how to describe it.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Andrew: And then had to relive it in court.

Eric: Laura, you had a point here about some of the other Wizengamot members.

Laura: Yeah, and honestly, I think the reason that this testimony works the way it does is because there’s still clearly a lot of respect for Dumbledore amongst members of the Wizengamot. Even when Dumbledore comes in, a couple of the witches in the back row are described as waving at him and smiling.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: So even though Dumbledore was clearly forced out by Fudge – Fudge, I guess, bullied people into voting him out – I think he still has a lot of pull there.

Eric: He definitely has some pull for sure, but it by no means seems like a done deal when the two witches wave at Dumbledore, so he’s still got to pull a rabbit out of a hat with this.

Laura: Yeah. Well, the thing is, he had to give them reasonable doubt, and by giving them reasonable doubt, they couldn’t possibly convict Harry without more clear evidence that he had actually done something wrong.

Andrew: Yeah, and I think one reason – and I was getting at this a little earlier – that Dumbledore’s representation works so darn well is he is just forceful. He is very well-prepared. He is moving quickly. He is matching Fudge’s energy by just turning it all on its head. And plus, he also has the respect of many members, to Laura’s point, in this trial, so he’s got the wind at his back, I think.

Eric: He knows the law. He knows the subsection paragraphs that apply. He cites them back at them.

Andrew: [laughs] He’s throwing out dates. “Oh, when you and I met on the second of August, this happened…”

Eric: Yeah, anybody that’s read a rule book… I think a lot of people in charge of enforcing the rule books don’t know how or why the law works, despite them trying to wield it at you, so that’s why Dumbledore is able to really put them in their place, because he’s focused. But speaking of that, his whole tone and his length of calmness this entire time is so staggering to me, because putting myself in that chair with the dang chains, I would not be able to focus on anything other than how unfair it is, how I shouldn’t be here, this should not be the thing… I would not be able to do what Dumbledore can do, which is just play a little devil’s advocate and remain humble and modest and say, “Oh, I could be wrong about this, but I think this is the law,” and it’s just absolutely a hell of a spectacle to see him keep his calm and just meticulously pick through the evidence and remind them almost conversationally, but he’s teaching a class right now on how it is that Harry is innocent.

Andrew: He’s also annoying some people with this confidence and how well-prepared he is, and this is going to come back to bite him, but he had to do this. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, “some people” equals Fudge and Umbridge.

Andrew: And Umbridge, yeah.

Laura: I mean, I think he’s letting them save face by basically saying, “I would never dream to think that you would intend to do this this way.”

Eric: [laughs] The thing that you are very clearly dead set on doing!

Laura: Right, but I think he’s also kind of letting them tell on themselves.

Eric: So again, with Dumbledore, he’s defending Harry; it’s clear Harry could not do this without him, I think we all established. And it’s relived that Dumbledore went to Fudge the night this happened. And I just feel like at this point, not only are the gloves off, but we see just the lengths to which the Ministry is willing to go to distort fact, to discredit witnesses that are simply not politically aligned with them. It’s way heavy-handed and above and beyond anything we’ve ever seen, and with the exception of the trials in Deathly Hallows, which are great to call out, we don’t see it again; this is just a uniquely uncomfortable chapter. And the book doesn’t necessarily get happier, but this is so crucial, I think, to examine this chapter from a standpoint of, “What if this happened in real life?”

Andrew: Yeah, it is the start of scarier things, but we also get some feel good moments out of it through Dumbledore’s presence and what he delivers here for Harry, and what Harry is feeling in this moment, too.

Laura: Yeah, until the end of the trial.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Laura: That’s kind of a let-down.

Eric: Dumbledore is just like, “Okay, bye,” and leaves.

[Laura and Monet laugh]

Andrew: Well, I have excuses for him there.

Laura: Oh, okay.

Andrew: But I’ll save them.

Eric: Oh!

Andrew: Speaking of Dumbledore, he does – and we were talking about how prepared he is – he does call out clause seven in the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery when he defends Harry’s use of magic in public. Just wanted to throw that out there, because we see 7 and 12 come up a lot across the series, and here’s another example. Thank you!

Eric: It’s funny because I wonder what the first six clauses are if the seventh one is “You can use it if it’s a life-threatening circumstance.”

Andrew: [laughs] Good question, yeah. I don’t know.

Eric: Eh, whatevs. Maybe that’ll be a future Lynx Line or something. So we’ll be right back to talk about the overall implications of this hearing after these messages.

[Ad break]

Eric: This whole chapter, I’m thinking Dumbledore is such a smartie. He’s such a genius, and he’s well-prepared and intelligent. I previously said he’s…

Andrew: [tearfully] These are the nicest things I’ve ever heard on this show about him. [fake cries]

Eric: I know, I know.

Laura: Enjoy it. It’s not going to last.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: I’ve been hearing that for a while.

Eric: Oh, oh. But this is part of what irks Fudge, and others who are thinking of him, against Dumbledore. Dumbledore is the liberal elite. “Dumbledore is this uppity, just completely out-of-touch intellectual who went to college and is here to put us in our place.”

Andrew: [laughs] College?

Eric: And I feel like this is an extremely dangerous shift of anti-intellectualism. Fudge is trying to ram through this thing based on some phony evidence against Harry, and this is… the truth completely dismantles Fudge’s argument, and it doesn’t work, but there’s this resentment for the type of person that Dumbledore is, who in this instance, in this scope, is just a teacher or a headmaster trying to prevent a student from being expelled and his wand snapped. And so what I wanted to talk about, in general, is this anti-intellectual shift against fact, against truth, which should not be something that you are arguing against here. You would clearly want to know the truth, but Fudge does not want to know the truth.

Andrew: It’s a hard read, but I think this is a lesson that you get from these books, it’s that some people just ignore the truth to push forward their own narratives, their own wants and needs. Kyle said something earlier in our Discord that I wanted to highlight: This trial serves as a proxy, in many ways, for the greater conflicts between Dumbledore and Fudge. This confrontation right now is bigger than Harry, and it sucks that he got stuck in the middle of it, but this is Fudge with an ax to grind, and he’s dragging everybody down into this dungeon to put this kid on trial and intimidate him into getting what he wants out of Harry. It’s just gross.

Eric: You’re right to point that out, too, that it does get kind of personal between Fudge and Dumbledore; that’s pretty explicit. They’re arguing in this chapter.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: But Eric, I think you raise a really good point in that regimes like this, there’s a playbook they follow, honestly, and one of the early things that they tend to do is go after intellectual institutions, go after education, even childhood education, right? And that can then expand into the arts and various other parts of the culture, which, unfortunately we see this unravel over the next couple of books. So yeah, I mean, I think that Fudge and the Ministry are following a playbook that was well-established long before they got there.

Eric: They can’t win if they tell the truth. They can’t remain in power if they tell the truth that Voldemort is back, so they don’t.

Laura: What were you going to say, Monet?

Monet: Just what you have said really made me think of things like book bans, or just bans on particular topics and stuff and just that kind of push back. I think when I first read this, I had no touch points for reality.

Laura: Right.

Monet: I was like, “This doesn’t happen.”

Eric: Blessedly, we didn’t either!

Monet: Yeah, and now I’m like, “Oh dear.”

Andrew: [laughs] Right, because you hear people try to push a narrative that is not based in any evidence at all, and then it’s like, “Well, wait, where is your proof? Where is your proof, Fudge?”

Eric: It just… you can’t compete with somebody on the facts, so they discredit the facts. They prevent there from being a… but that’s the thing that shocks me the most, is this should be an open-shut case. We know exactly what Harry did and why. If it is the law that you can defend yourself, great; he’s out. But the level of showmanship, the level of terror they want to instill in Harry… they do ultimately have all of the power here, and it comes down to a vote, but presumably then there might even be a way for Fudge to overrule it. I mean, he is the Minister for Magic. If he said, “Oh, okay, you’re gone,” and then has them seize Harry after this, what would stop him? What would actually stop him? And so that’s what I’m really ruminating on here, is just the level of power that somebody who’s anti-intellectual the way Fudge is wielding – and comfortable with wielding – against the truth.

Monet: And I think the most frustrating thing about it, too, is they’re in there arguing about whether Harry cast a spell to do Dementors, and Voldemort is next door, trying to break in…

[Eric laughs]

Monet: … about to take over the wizarding world, and you’re like, “Is this really what we should be…? We’re arguing about the facts when we could be trying to fix the problem.” And I think that’s what is the really deep frustration when you read it.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Eric: That’s a great point. It’s a distraction, and it’s… they’re harming children. They’re targeting children with this crap. And Dumbledore is able to say… where he really gets them in this chapter – and I love it – is “Seeing as how there were Dementors there, they were either sent by the Ministry, which you can’t imagine, or they were sent by someone else who’s not the Ministry – won’t say his name, but you know who I’m talking about – so I think that you guys should look into that. Surely you would be interested in looking into that.” And there’s no way out of that argument for Fudge. Once Dumbledore makes the argument and frames it that way, there’s no way out.

Monet: Genius moment.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It’s great. But if Dumbledore weren’t there… and Dumbledore is a fictional character; he’s not going to be there in real life. If this ever happens to us, that’s going to be a problem.

Andrew: Aww. Well, and that’s why we have lawyers. As big of a surprise as it is that Dumbledore shows up at this trial, you had to assume, in hindsight, that they did have a plan to protect Harry during this. Whether it was in a small room with less people, or it was in a larger room like this, they had to have a plan, even if they weren’t letting Harry onto it.

Eric: Maybe. I mean, maybe it’s kind of like… I did think… I did get a flash forward one of the moments when Fudge and Dumbledore clashing of Dumbledore being like, “Well, you can try and take me, but you’re not going to.” I wonder if he wouldn’t skedaddle with Harry, grab him around the chair if things went really, really bad.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, yeah. Backup plan.

Laura: Oh, kind of like he does later in this book?

Andrew: Right.

Laura: He’s just like, “Peace!” He’s out. [laughs]

Eric: Maybe he would have to have done that with himself and Harry. Although, for that to be the case, side-along Apparition would have had to be invented, and that was not invented yet.

Andrew: And what if those chains came down on Harry’s arms that are on the chair rests? Would he have been able to get out of that?

Eric: I don’t know. Yeah, maybe Dumbledore could turn them into pasta noodles or something like that.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I feel like that would be a thing. I feel like that’s one of his easy go-to spells. So let’s talk very briefly about Umbridge here, because… and I guess she is named as being present, but she’s seated at Fudge’s symbolic right hand, and her face is mostly in shadow at first. It’s not until later, when she sits forward, that we see all her wonderful toad-like expressions. But this is obviously very portentous of things to come, and what I like about seeing her now, knowing who she’s going to become and the role she plays at Hogwarts later, is that she really is getting her first taste of what Albus Dumbledore is like and about what she’s up against. She’s simply… you can see it on her face through reading this chapter that she cannot believe somebody like Dumbledore could possibly exist. He’s such a light in the dark times that the government is trying to… [laughs] Sorry, Andrew is just grinning wildly every time I say something nice about Dumbledore.

Andrew: [laughs] “He’s such a light. He’s big, he’s strong, he’s attractive…”

Eric: He’s a light in shining armor. But somebody like Umbridge can’t believe that he exists, and he’s putting… he’s handling them all so masterfully.

Laura: Yeah, I mean…

Eric: I think she sees him and goes, “Game on.”

Laura: Yeah, and I think Umbridge has an ax to grind with Dumbledore because Fudge does. And think about the other members of the Wizengamot; they’ve probably heard a ton of it, but think about how long she’s heard Fudge complain about Dumbledore. She absolutely thinks that she could do a better job.

Andrew: Yeah. And you know after this trial, Fudge and Umbridge were absolutely fuming in an office somewhere and planning what they were going to do next. I mean, they just feed each other.

Eric: Oh, that’s so right.

Andrew: But we were talking earlier about Dumbledore skedaddling out of the trial very quick, and I admit the first couple of times I read this, I was like, “Damn, that sucks, but it goes along with the narrative of Dumbledore avoiding Harry.” But I have some good excuses now; at least, I think they’re good excuses.

Eric: Oh, God.

Andrew: One could argue he left quickly so as to not appear to be BFFs with Harry. That would not be a good look for them if they were hugging and crying and high-fiving and hooting and hollering and coming off as friends, so I think that’s one reason that Dumbledore left very quickly. I also think we have to remember that Dumbledore said he arrived three hours early to the Ministry. He’s wasted enough time for today; he’s got to get back to work.

Eric: Ugh, yeah. I wonder, although, wasn’t that like he arrived early so that he’s on time? So he wasn’t waiting around for three hours.

Andrew: Um…

Laura: Right, he arrived early on purpose.

Eric: Yeah, if it was originally going to be at 9:00, and he shows up at 6:00, and oop, it’s at 6:10, it’s like, okay…

Andrew: Yes.

Eric: So Dumbledore actually saved three hours. He can hang out with Harry for three hours now that he wasn’t expecting.

Andrew: [laughs] No, but he still doesn’t want to appear to be BFFs with Harry.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. Well, it’s like the end of those courtroom movies – I don’t know – or any movie that ends in a courtroom scene where it’s like… Air Bud, I’m thinking of, and there’s this huge celebration. And in these scenarios, the bad guy is always outnumbered; the bad guy just goes, [grumbles] and everyone’s cheering and crazy. If Dumbledore were seen to be doing that, that would put so much more of a target on him. It would be like rubbing it in that Dumbledore and the boy are best friends, and it would make it worse for Harry in the end.

Monet: I do like the idea of thinking of Dumbledore just chilling at the Ministry of Magic, though.

[Andrew laughs]

Monet: I don’t know, like sleeping overnight, or going and chasing the little memos around, or visiting an old friend in the mystery department or something.

Andrew: You know the Ministry has a good coffee shop on site for all the employees, right? So he’s probably sitting there with his legs crossed, sipping his little cup of coffee, pinky out…

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: … just doing some people-watching, enjoying the morning. Or think of it this way: Okay, so he’s got to go, even though he showed up three hours early, and now he’s got three hours of time to kill. Maybe he blocked out three hours of time on his Google Calendar, and now he’s going to go on a hot breakfast date with somebody, and he’s got to go and take care of that before he’s got to clock into Hogwarts at 9:30. It’s a weekday, after all.

Eric: Now I’m just thinking about him and Grindelwald at the coffee shop from whatever movie that was.

[Andrew and Monet laugh]

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Eric: Dissolves in flame.

Monet: Secrets of Dumbledore.

Eric: Yeah. But the idea of Dumbledore idle is just deeply funny. Idle moments with Dumbledore. What would he be doing?

Andrew: Yeah, because he comes off as a guy who’s always on the move. He never relaxes.

Monet: He goes and tours Buckingham Palace because he’s in London or whatever.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah. So I appreciate all of you coming with me. It feels safety in numbers-y to have you guys of cover this dark topic. It’s a dark chapter, but ultimately, good prevails, thank God. Barely. Harry is allowed to leave with his wand, and that’s the end.

Andrew: Back to Hogwarts!

Eric: Yep, pretty soon. But first, Molly is going to make some meatballs.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: We’ll see.


Odds & Ends


Eric: But let’s see. We have some odds and ends, don’t we?

Andrew: We do get our first introduction to Umbridge in this chapter, and the line is “She was sitting so far back on the bench that her face was in shadow.” She isn’t named here in that opening line. And this line, this opening line, is very telling. You’ve got to be suspicious of any mystery character we haven’t met yet who is lurking in the shadows, so that was an immediate red flag to me.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: [sinisterly] “The shadows are where she’s most comfortable.” I was picturing Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget, where you just see…

Laura: That’s amazing.

Eric: You never see his face; it’s just always an arm petting a cat, and I was like, “Oh, that’s so Umbridge.” But…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Yeah, it’s just any time where the villain – like Giovanni in Pokémon – all this… you don’t see their face, and that anonymity gives them more power, I think.

Laura: Agreed.

Monet: Yeah, absolutely.

Laura: And Monet, I think you were going to give us some history here that might have inspired this trial. I’m so excited for this.

Monet: Yeah, no, I love history, and I was reading some comparisons to this, and I’ve seen the trial setup here deemed not similar to current justice systems, but more similar to something like the Spanish Inquisition tribunals, where people were just kind of expected to confess or snitch on someone else, or they would… and also the court of Star Chamber, which was founded during the Tudors, and through the Stuarts it got worse and worse, and became super notorious around the time of Charles the First of England. And it was apparently used to bring down the super powerful people who couldn’t really be tried in lower courts, and really used to suppress opposition to any policies by the Royals, and the cases were held in secret, and it really became a byword for abuse of power.

Eric: Whoa.

Monet: And so I feel like that’s really the model that the author was going after here, was that court of the Star Chamber type of… it’s the, I don’t know, weapon of the leader, basically.

Eric: Very cool.

Laura: That is such a good Make the Historical Connection moment. Thank you so much for sharing that with us.

Monet: It’s really cool.


Superlative of the Week


Eric: And now let’s get to our MVP replacement segment, which this week is most awesome middle name of the week.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: We were treated to a lot of legal names in this chapter because it’s being read into the court record. So what is our favorite, our personal favorite, middle name for the various characters?

Andrew: Treated to a lot of middle names, yes. Ignatius, but I’m realizing now I didn’t write down whose middle name that was. [laughs]

Eric: It’s Percy, isn’t it?

Andrew: Pop quiz. Oh yeah, Percy. Ding, ding, ding. I was actually quizzing you.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Percy Ignatius Weasley. Okay. It’s kind of pompous.

Andrew: Is that an ancestor of a Weasley? I feel like we’ve heard of an Ignatius Weasley.

Eric: There’s an Ignotus Peverell, right?

Laura and Monet: Yeah.

Andrew: That’s what I’m thinking of, yeah.

Laura: Eh, all pure-blood families are interrelated, so I’m sure the Weasleys are related to the Peveralls, too, distantly.

Andrew: I had an enemy named Ignacio, so that’s why Ignatius stood out to me.

[Laura laughs]

Eric and Laura: You had an enemy named Ignacio?

Andrew: Somebody I was with knew an Ignacio, and I didn’t like him very much, if you catch my drift. [laughs]

Laura: Ahh, okay. So he was your enemy; he probably just didn’t know it?

Andrew: Yeah, pretty much.

Laura: Okay. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, so now I look at Ignatius and I think of Ignacio, and I’m like, “Grrr.”

Eric: Well, a good Ignacio – although a fictional one – is Nacho Varga from Better Call Saul.

Andrew: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Eric: He’s a good Ignacio. My favorite, most awesome middle name of the week is Doreen. Arabella Doreen Figg. It just works for me.

Laura: I’m going to give mine to Brian, mainly because I love how Dumbledore has this extremely extra name, so it’s Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Where’s the one normal name come from, Dumby?

Andrew: That is a good question.

Monet: I’m going to give mine to Cornelius Oswald Fudge. I think it’s just a fun name to say, and it feels… it’s an interesting shape in your mouth, the S and the W together.

[Everyone laughs]

Monet: Just from a sound perspective.

Andrew: Yeah, it is a fun one to say. “Oswald.”

Eric: I like it for the same reasons, for sure.


Lynx Line


Eric: Now it’s time to get over to our Lynx Line, where we always have some fun, and I’m really, really happy with the question that we asked this week. I believe Micah supplied this one.

Andrew: He did.

Eric: So hey, even when he’s off, he’s working. This week’s question was: If you were called to the Ministry of Magic to face a disciplinary hearing, what crime or action would it be for, and who would you want as your defense attorney? By the way, Dumbledore off limits. We did not let people answer Dumbledore because obviously he’s the best answer for many situations.

Andrew: [laughs] We got some very creative answers. Rachel said,

“I’d be on trial for violating the Statute of Secrecy. If I continued to work as a math teacher, maybe it’d be because I was using a spell to help students concentrate and/or feel confident doing math. I’d have Luna defend me because she’s never wrong and is good at bringing unique perspectives and arguments.”

Eric: Ooh.

Laura: Yeah, I’d bet on Luna.

Eric: Aww. Yeah, it’s good to have some Luna love. Jennifer says,

“I think I’d be in trouble for using magic in front of a Muggle. Not on purpose, but just out of habit. Hermione would be a great lawyer, since she’s Muggle-born!”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I love this bit that second guesses, like, “Oh, could I keep this a secret? If I just were always spelling my coffee to me or something from across the room.”

Laura: You know, I’ve honestly thought of that before. How easy would it be to accidentally break the Statute of Secrecy? Especially if you’re, like, 50 years old, and you’ve been… you grew up in this world, and it’s all you’ve ever known.

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Andrew: I agree.

Laura: Danielle says,

“Oh, I would for sure be in trouble for my attitude and sassing my teachers and authority in general. It’s basically all I’ve ever been in trouble for my whole life. My mouth.”

[Andrew laughs]

“Not sure which magical character could bail me out of that one… Harry himself got away with a lot of sass, so maybe him!”

Laura: And Danielle included the sassing emoji at the end of that. [laughs]

Monet: Ashley said, “I would be on trial for the illegal breeding of Nifflers that I released into Bezos’s residences.”

[Everyone laughs]

Monet: That’s amazing. “George Weasley would be an excellent defense attorney, I feel.”

Laura: Honestly, that’s a Robin Hood story right there. Beautiful.

Eric: Yeah, I love that one.

Andrew: Carly said,

“One summer during a week-long soccer camp, the sole of my cleats completely wore out and were hanging on to the rest of my shoe by a thread. I had to duct tape the sole back on; it worked, but it was a very uncomfortable solution. I absolutely would’ve fixed my shoe by means of magic if given the chance. If I had been brought before the Ministry for a hearing of fixing my cleats to ‘have an unfair advantage,’ or so they’d claim, I think I’d like Ludo as my attorney. He’s already talked/charmed his way out of his own hearing before. Why not mine? Plus, as the (at the same time) Head of the Department of Games and Sport, he would sympathize with my problem and want to help me out.”

Eric: I love this one.

Laura: Well argued.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, basically because it’s well argued. And nice throwback to the Bagman trial; that was such a small part of that one chapter of the last book. And Catherine wrote in,

“I think I’d be in trouble to giving healing potions to/casting healing spells on Muggles. It always bothered me that the magical community has access to all these healing potions and spells, and they can’t use them to help the world at large. For my defense attorney, I think McGonagall would be an interesting choice. She has compassion for Muggles (because she was in love with a Muggle, after all) and Muggle-born folks, so I could see her siding with me in my mission to help them. Plus, she cannot stand Umbridge, and I would love to see them go toe-to-toe in the courtroom.”

Eric: Agree.

Laura: Ooh, I love that.

Andrew: What a great answer.

Eric: It would be a showdown.

Laura: Shoot, why didn’t I think of McGonagall as a good defense attorney?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: She’d be fantastic. And our last submission comes from Cassandra, who says,

“I’m on trial for setting free dragons and other imprisoned magical creatures. Newt Scamander is my defense attorney. Yes, I will probably lose, but I’m happy to be a martyr for the cause of helping animals live free.”

I love that.

Eric: I wonder if…

Laura: I’ll break you out of jail. Don’t worry.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, yeah. Do we think Newt will lose just because…? Not because he’s not persuasive, but because people don’t take it seriously enough?

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: Unfortunately. Patrons, you can read more responses on our Patreon, and thanks to everybody who participated in the Lynx Line benefit; we’re really enjoying having it a part of this run of Chapter by Chapter. And if, listeners, you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that’s recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And speaking of participation, now it’s time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question was: What is the middle name of Amelia Bones? And the correct answer was Susan! The same name…

Andrew: Not Ignatius?!

Eric: Not Ignatius; that was not her. So it’s really interesting that Amelia, whose niece is Susan Bones, should share a name with her. I really like the names that travel through the maternal line. 74% of people said they didn’t look it up, which means this is a name that sticks, and the correct answers were submitted by Gwen C.; Snape plays Quizzitch because he can’t play Quidditch; Hairy Pooter and the Dorky Swallos; Ron’s knees after Fred Apparated onto them; Patronus Seeker; Elizabeth K.; Kayla the Proud Puff; JigglyJane; Gritta drinking Gurdyroot tea in a squashy chintz armchair; He’s Not Bock (like a chicken); Accio Monocle!; Happy Charmander; Lady K.; Circle Sown with Fate, Unlock thy Hidden Gate; Meditating with Mandrakes; Shoulda Been a Skele-Gro Spokesperson; and Catherine. Fun names. Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: The UK judicial system established a Supreme Court in 2009, but prior to that, what was the highest court in the UK? That’s a little bit of world history here.

Andrew: [laughs] I was going to say, back to the world history… the Muggle questions.

Eric: I always intended to do more of a broad scope with this Quizzitch, but last week I had to pull something out last minute. Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or if you’re on the website checking out transcripts or our must listens page, just click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav bar.

Andrew: Check out our other weekly podcasts, What the Hype?! and Millennial, for more pop culture and real world talk from the four of us. In the latest What the Hype?!, if you’re missing Micah, Micah and Pam discussed the hit Netflix show Cobra Kai. And coming up on Millennial this week, we’re offering up our first ever Holiday gift guide. Laura and I were planning that earlier, and I think it’s going to be a lot of fun.

Laura: Yeah, I’m excited.

Andrew: This show is brought to you by Muggles like you. Listener support is the only reason we’ve been able to podcast for 19 years and counting. Don’t forget, use code “SIRIUS” at MuggleCastMerch.com for 15% off your order now through Cyber Monday. You can also visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast/gift to send a Patreon membership to a loved one. One of the perks is joining the queue to become a MuggleCast co-host one day, just like Monet did today. Thanks for joining us, Monet; it was great having you on.

Monet: Thank you so much. That was so fun.

Andrew: Awesome. Glad you had a good time, and thanks for everything that you contributed today. While you were on vacation! Extra points for that.

[Andrew and Monet laugh]

Laura: That’s dedication.

Andrew: By coming on the show, too, we look at your background and talk to you for ten minutes about it. We were discussing the color of Monet’s wall for way longer than I would have ever thought we would.

[Andrew and Monet laugh]

Laura: Yeah. Listen, this is just part of being in our 30s now, Andrew.

Andrew: That’s true.

Eric: “Is that Comfort Gray?” she says through the Zoom screen.

Andrew: I’ve picked apart every corner of Eric, Micah, and Laura’s backdrops at this point, so when somebody new comes on, it’s a new camera to stare at.

Eric: It’s a free-for-all, yes, yes. New material.

Andrew: “What’s going on? Who created that artwork behind you? What wattage is that lightbulb in that lamp?” [laughs] Yes, this is 35; you’re right, Laura. This is very much 35. Anyway, if you enjoy MuggleCast and think other Muggles would too, tell a friend about the show, and we would appreciate a five star review if you love the show in your favorite podcast app. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Monet: I’m Monet.

Andrew: And we will be off next week for the Thanksgiving holiday. Happy Thanksgiving to all of our American listeners; we are thankful for you, and we will be back with new episodes in December. Bye, everybody.

Laura: Bye, y’all.

Eric and Monet: Bye.

Transcript #683

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #683, Scout the Route! (OOTP Chapter 7, The Ministry of Magic)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the Wizarding World fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And tonight, Molly is making meatballs!

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: But before we get to enjoy that delicious meal, we need to get through a grueling day of work and unnecessary persecution at the Ministry of Magic. First of all, though, a couple of announcements: Thank you so much to everyone who has already checked out our pop culture podcast, What the Hype?!, which we launched earlier this year. The four of us and Pam could not be happier with how the show has been going, and we love recording it, and I know our listeners have given us a lot of great feedback too. But since the show has been around for a bit now, we’re pleased to announce that all new episodes will live on the dedicated What the Hype WTF edition feed, which will now just be renamed to What the Hype, and of course, on our YouTube channel as well, which is What the Hype Podcast. The episodes will still be there and we will not be posting new episodes as regularly on the MuggleCast podcast feed.

Eric: Every edition is a WTF edition now.

Andrew: [laughs] Right.

Laura: Exactly.

Eric: The cusses are unleashed.

Andrew: That is fun, yeah. Even though we’re no longer posting episodes of What the Hype?! in the MuggleCast feed, please go and follow the What the Hype?! podcast feed in your favorite podcast app, or, like I said, on YouTube. And thank goodness now we just have this dedicated WTF edition, if you will, because Laura, you, Pam, and I recorded Fourth Wing/Iron Flame episode yesterday, and… pretty adult. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, I feel like it gets particularly difficult the further you get into Iron Flame to make that conversation PG, so we’re not. [laughs]

Micah: Just a fun, quick story: I was getting into the elevator at work yesterday, and a colleague came up to me and said that they had started listening to What the Hype?!…

Laura: That’s awesome.

Micah: … and then he proceeded to say, “I was very disappointed you were not on the smut episode.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Definitely the colleague water cooler conversation. “Why isn’t Micah on the smut episode?”

Laura: Hey, we could always do a part two. Let us know. Pam and I did that one. And on our other show, Millennial, which is hosted by myself, Andrew, and Pam, we on our latest episode discuss where we go from here after the results of last week’s US election, and believe it or not, we actually had a good time doing it. Somehow we got in some catharsis through the existential dread, so if you’re feeling similarly, go check it out.

Micah: It was a good episode. I listened to it.

Andrew: Thank you, Micah.

Laura: Yeah, appreciate your support.

Andrew: Another announcement: You can now gift Patreon memberships! This is a feature we’ve been wanting to see from Patreon for a while, and they got it out just in time for the holiday season, so if you’ve been wanting a membership to our Patreon and you’re still crafting your wish list for Santa, check out Patreon.com/MuggleCast/gift. We’ll have a link in the show notes as well, and now your friend or family member will be able to gift you anywhere from 1 to 12 months of Patreon access. And one perk of becoming a patron is getting access to two brand new bonus MuggleCast episodes every month. Later this week, our newest episode will have us discussing would we date a witch or wizard? And we’ll be looking at the pros and cons, and I want to focus on the drama that could come with such a relationship.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Shocker.

Andrew: Of course, when I ask this question, I’m presenting it as if we were Muggles. We, of course, are not Muggles, but if we were, would we want to date one of us?

Laura: Shh, Andrew, the International Statute of Secrecy. You can’t just be broadcasting that to people.

Andrew: Crap. [laughs]

Laura: We’re called MuggleCast; it’s our secret identity. You just kind of blew it.

Andrew: Oh, right, right. I’ll get legal on that. We’ll figure out what to do.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: So one question I want to talk about is would we be jealous of our partner being way more interesting than us as a wizard themselves?

Eric: [laughs] Wow, that assumes a lot.

Andrew: [laughs] I think most of our audience would agree. And what does this mean for the romantic side of our life as well? So we’ll be discussing this in bonus MuggleCast this week. Now time for a little bit of news: Casting seems to be underway for the Harry Potter TV show. Mark Rylance is at the top of the list to play Dumbledore in the Harry Potter TV series. They’re not in talks yet, but Variety reported this week that WB wants Mark Rylance, so now they’re talking to him to see if he will be available and if he wants to take on this massive commitment, which, of course, is going to be a big question for everybody who joins. Have y’all seen Mark Rylance in anything?

Laura: So just looking at his IMDb, I see a couple of things that I know I’ve seen. I can’t say that I’m able to pinpoint him, but that’s not a reflection of him; I’m just really bad at remembering names of actors. [laughs] But he certainly does look like he would fit the part. I think the most recent thing he was in that I saw was Don’t Look Up, Netflix movie a couple of years ago.

Andrew: He was also in The BFG. He was also in Bridge of Spies.

Eric: He got the Academy Award for Supporting Actor for Bridge of Spies, the Spielberg film.

Andrew: Oh, okay. He was also in Ready Player One. I recognize him. I haven’t seen him in a ton of stuff, but he’s definitely a memorable face. He’s a recognizable face in Hollywood, I think.

Eric: Yeah, and Variety‘s article shows the perfect picture of him with a twinkle in his eye and absolutely 100% sells me on Dumbledore.

Andrew: So Eric, you’re saying Mark Rylance has the Dumbledore twinkle.

Eric: He’s got the Dumbledore twinkle.

Andrew: Can he say, “Did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire” calmly? I think that’s the next question that we don’t yet know the answer to.

Eric: We’re going to have to wait five years to find out.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: It depends who is directing him.

Eric: There’s your… yes, yes.

Micah: I like how Mev put it in the Discord saying that he has “kind eyes.” It’s true.

Andrew: I think generally, he has a Dumbledore look to me. He’s in his mid 60s, too, which is a little younger than Richard Harris was when he got started with the Harry Potter movies. It’s interesting to me that we’re hearing about a specific actor for Dumbledore first; we haven’t heard of any other specific names for the cast yet, and this suggests to me…

Micah: Well, who’s more important, Andrew, than Dumbledore?

Andrew: Well, I couldn’t agree with you more, Micah, but this suggests to me that WB recognizes that as well, and they want to cast everybody else around Dumbledore. They want to play… they want to test all the other future characters and actors off of Dumbledore, so they’ve got to get Dumbledore down early.

Micah: It’s really his story at the end of the day. I mean, who are we kidding?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: If you really want to build a series that looks as back and forward and is good for the long haul, I think it’s important to get some of these backbone characters – Dumbledore, Snape, Hagrid – that are going to be in all of the seasons of the show, so it makes sense to me.

Andrew: That is true. And you can imagine when they cast the trio, they want the kids to work really well off of whoever they select as well.

Laura: Right, I can totally see when they’re auditioning kids, auditioning them with Mark Rylance, for example, to see what their chemistry is like.

Andrew: Well, it’s very exciting to see a name out there now for the Harry Potter cast; we’ll see if this comes to fruition. And MuggleCast will continue to cover any and all Harry Potter TV show developments, so make sure you’re following us in your favorite podcast app and on YouTube for all the latest and greatest Harry Potter TV news.

Eric: Woo.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: All right, now it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Chapter 7 of Order of the Phoenix, “The Ministry of Magic.”

Eric: Yes, we last discussed this chapter on Episode 240, called “Join the Weasleys,” for October 2, 2011, and Episode 440, “Return to Sender,” for October of 2019. We’re always talking about this chapter in fall, as it turns out. 2011, 2019, 2024…

Andrew: Let’s hop into the Time-Turner and see what we discussed last time.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 240.

Micah: Isn’t it just like a security check?

Andrew: Yeah, and it’s sort of… it’s you. I mean, the wand chooses the wizard. It’s a very important aspect of yourself, sort of like on a driver’s license in the real world where you have your weight, your eye color. This is just another one of those things, I think, that they take into consideration when checking you in. It’s just a part of you.

Eric: So that’s interesting. And that wizard’s name is Eric, by the way.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: Excellent.

Eric: Which is cool. Except he’s kind of a jerk.

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 440.

Andrew: And it was making me wonder what tech in 2019 would fascinate Arthur Weasley. Not AirPods, because they already have wireless sound, I think, so that’s not really a big deal. Not virtual reality, because they have ghosts and portraits, so they’re kind of familiar with that.

Laura: I think the scooters, like the Bird scooters and the Lime scooters.

Andrew: Yeah, that’d be pretty cool.

Laura: He’d be like, “Wow, Muggles have found a way to not have broomsticks, but have a good substitute for them.”

Andrew: “Can they fly?”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: They could be enchanted to fly.

[Whooshing sound]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Andrew: Mysterious thing, time, Dumbledore. I sound less drunk as time goes on, so that’s nice.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: We all have a teenage voice. It’s interesting to listen back to.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yep.

Micah: Less nasal decongestant as well. I think maybe the desert has dried you out of it.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: You sound a lot better, Andrew.

Eric: Oh, man.

Andrew: It’s the air, sure.

Micah: I sounded the same way.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Micah: Well, many of us have just spent the day working, but unfortunately, it’s now time for us to get to work, and we’re going to be headed there with Arthur. And just to set the scene a little bit here, Harry wakes up; it is the morning of his trial at the Ministry. He does get a nice send-off party from a few folks at the breakfast table in Grimmauld Place. But what I really want to talk about in the first half of this discussion is Arthur Weasley, and it might be harsh, but his ineptitude.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Oh, man.

Micah: Because throughout much of this experience that we have with Harry and Arthur, Mr. Weasley seems lost, and I want to know why was this whole situation not scouted in advance? This is an important date for Harry. This is an important moment for Harry. Certainly Arthur and the rest of the Order know the gravity of the situation, but Arthur is pretty ho-hum about the whole thing, and what’s going on with this guy?

Eric: What surprised me is the route had not been pre-scouted. So Arthur obviously gets to the Ministry every day of his working career…

Micah: Scout the route.

Eric: Yeah, but not through the Muggle way, and so they could have gotten lost if any one thing went wrong. If there’s construction, sometimes your tube station is closed. There doesn’t seem to be a great knowledge of any alternate ways to get around. Arthur says he usually Apparates; we know side-along Apparition likely hasn’t been invented yet as a thing in the book, otherwise they would have gone that way. But you’re right, and why doesn’t Harry have an escort? After it took so many adults to take him from a highly protected vault of Privet Drive to Grimmauld Place, why doesn’t he have the same amount of people taking him to the Ministry? This is important. This is his expulsion from Hogwarts hearing.

Micah: I like that question, though, Eric, because as Arthur is walking Harry to the underground station, it’s said that he has his hand in his pocket, right? He’s basically on guard, looking out to make sure that there’s nothing or nobody that is going to attack them, and you would think there would be some covert witches or wizards that were placed along this route to ensure the safety of Harry in this particular situation.

Andrew: Maybe, but it doesn’t seem like there are, right? Given how nervous Arthur is… and you mentioned his hand in his pocket, and Harry even says he knows he’s holding his wand at the ready. But I think it’s not just the security that has Arthur nervous and on edge. I think he’s nervous about Harry’s trial, so there’s just a couple of reasons for him to be a little worried. In terms of scouting out the location, I wouldn’t be surprised… we have to assume Arthur has been around London here and there over the years; he’s probably somewhat familiar with this route to begin with, so scouting out the route for what? I mean, we’re not talking about the Secret Service here. This is a…

Eric: Just walk it a couple of times.

Micah: I don’t think he’s familiar with it, because he’s coming from Grimmauld Place. It’s not a place that he normally lives.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I don’t know. I mean, what I will give to Arthur is that they do leave really, really early to make sure they have plenty of time built in, and I think that is probably why the route wasn’t scouted in advance. But Micah, you said something that got me thinking: If we’re wondering why there weren’t wizards stationed along the way to the Ministry for protection, I’m actually kind of surprised that Umbridge isn’t trying to sabotage Harry even further, right? We know they end up changing his appointment time and location. She already sent Dementors to try and attack him on Privet Drive. If they know that Harry is probably going to want to make a good impression by showing up at the Ministry magic-free, that makes him a vulnerable moving target, and it’s kind of surprising that they didn’t try to capitalize on that opportunity.

Eric: It’s interesting.

Micah: Yeah, that’s a really good point. And something else that came to mind – and this is where I thought you were initially going, Laura – was maybe they don’t also want to risk revealing Grimmauld Place or the location of Grimmauld Place. By having so many witches and wizards stationed in that area, you’re drawing a lot more attention to it.

Laura: True, true. But also, aren’t they drawing attention by Harry and Arthur just walking out the front door to go to Harry’s hearing?

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Yes.

Laura: It’s kind of a “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation, because they don’t want to draw attention to Grimmauld Place, but they don’t want to use magic to get there. So unfortunately, it just doesn’t seem like there was a great option for them.

Eric: I don’t… yeah, it’s possible also that they’re overreacting. What would have been so bad if they had used Floo Powder to get to the Ministry, as so many of the Ministry employees do?

Andrew: Well, and also I’m just thinking… I don’t know if this came up on the show a few weeks ago. I think we were talking about how CCTV cameras are everywhere; security cameras are everywhere around London. Maybe they were thinking, “Well, there’s eyes around every corner on this street, so if somebody were to try to cause trouble…”

Eric: It breaks the Statute of Secrecy.

Laura: True.

Andrew: Yeah, well, and there would be evidence of people, mystery figures, attacking others in the street, so the enemy doesn’t want to draw attention to themselves.

Laura: I wonder what Arthur would think of mobile transit apps nowadays. I feel like a lot of people in major cities use these. I know when I lived in New York, I had the Metro Transit Authority’s official New York City subway map that would tell you times that trains were coming and really make it easy for you to navigate the system. So given how tickled he is by the broken down ticket machines, I think he would lose his mind if he saw a metro app in 2024.

Eric: I agree.

Micah: Yeah, and I’m glad you actually brought that up, Laura. We can move on from talking about how inept Mr. Weasley is in terms of leading Harry to the Ministry.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Oh, can we? Thank God.

Micah: But something we have talked about on this show before is that Arthur seems to know very little about pretty standard Muggle practices, and this is in conflict with the job that he supposedly holds. And you mentioned, Laura, the fact that Harry is the one who has to pay the guard for their train tickets. When they’re on the underground, Mr. Weasley is constantly counting down their stops. This goes back to what we were just talking about in terms of there being a lack of preparation. Arthur is overly excited by how the turnstile takes his ticket, and then the first thing he asks when they get out of the subway is, “Where are we?”

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: He’s never come by train before, nor has he used the visitor’s entrance. Why is he the best person to be taking Harry to this trial?

Andrew: Micah, Micah, Micah. Your New Yorker is showing, my guy. Arthur is in act-like-a-Muggle mode, and he’s enjoying the full experience! He doesn’t get to go on the subway too often.

Micah: This is the time for him to be enjoying the experience?

Andrew: Well, he’s got to get something out of it, right?

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Besides carting this troubled child around town. That’s no fun.

Eric: “Troubled child.”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Just ask the Dursleys. And who among us has not come out from the subway and been like, “Where the hell am I right now?” [laughs]

Eric: Okay, all right, all right.

Andrew: Even you, Micah, must need to get your bearings. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Micah: You gotta scout the route.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: We’re talking about… this is taking place in the mid ’90s. There’s no Siri; there’s no Google Maps.

Andrew: Yeah, I can’t imagine.

Micah: You have to prepare, right? If you have an important date, you have a interview… what people would do back in those days is they would scout the route.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: They would go on the actual route to get from point A to point B, so that… like what Eric was saying earlier, you don’t know what you’re going to encounter along the way. Could be delays. There could be traffic. I’m serious, though. It’s such a lack of preparation.

Laura: No, I’m laughing at myself, Micah, because even in recent history, I have been known to physically scout the route.

Micah: Yeah!

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: If I was going somewhere new that maybe I wasn’t super familiar with, I knew I was going to be on a time crunch for, I wanted to gauge traffic, I wanted to gauge parking… so I’ve legitimately done that where the day before I had to go somewhere, I would get in my car and be like, “Let me just practice the drive.”

Eric: And you see the place, yeah. When I’m about to scoot, I look up and kind of plan out in advance what the nearest bike lanes are so that I know my route.

Andrew: Have you scooted the route? Have you scouted the route by scooting the route?

[Laura laughs]

Eric: No, I don’t scoot… it costs money per minute, so I don’t really…

Andrew: That’s a good point. I can’t believe how often this phrase “Scout the route” has been coming up on this episode, by the way.

Micah: It’s the title of the episode.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Laura: Yeah, it’s the title.

Andrew: I updated our doc.

Eric: As Laura said, the best thing that can be said about Arthur Weasley in this chapter is that he gets Harry to the Ministry without dying, [laughs] and early enough in the morning. But he also knows the number to dial on the Muggle entrance, so okay. He did his homework.

Micah: Yeah, he had… I think, Andrew, your point about coming out of the subway station and getting your bearings is well taken, but there’s a lot of other problems here along the way for Arthur I’m-a-doofus Weasley, and…

Andrew: Oh my goodness.

Laura: [laughs] Shots fired.

Eric: I did not anticipate this.

Micah: I mean, can you blame Percy?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Dang.

Andrew: Well, to the point of Arthur being excited about his surroundings… so I imagine he gets around town from time to time, but then it’s like, I don’t know, you return to a place that you love, and you’re equally excited as you… let’s say Disneyland. You’ve been to Disneyland before, but maybe on your 20th time, you’re as excited about it as you were the first time. It’s just… this is his passion. Muggle things are his passion.

Laura: I feel like Arthur kind of romanticizes Muggle life in the way that a lot of people today romanticize the idea of a simpler life, like homesteading and things like that.

Eric: Kind of a condescending way of like, “Oh, they’re so simple,” but that… not intentionally condescending, but you can’t help but be a little biased.

Laura: Yeah, almost like, “Look at how brilliant and ingenious they are working around all of life’s inconveniences without magic.”

Eric: Yeah. But I mean, okay, so obviously, every bit of Arthur Weasley in this chapter is meant for comedy. It’s funny. It’s funny to watch him not know things. But to Micah’s point about his job, you’re in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office; perhaps the best, most qualified candidate for that role – now I’m about to say he should lose his job – but a Muggle-born person who had no option but to grow up around Muggle things, which would give you that innate knowledge about what the Muggle things are, might actually be better suited than somebody like Arthur, who presumably never saw a Muggle before he got this job, and is not so familiar with ticket machines… or money! The money thing. He can’t count money? You’ve got to learn how to do that if you’re working in London.

Micah: Yeah, if nothing else, if you want to take the Arthur bashing out of this, I think it does put a lot of additional stress on Harry at a time where he doesn’t need more stress.

Eric: Maybe it’s a welcome distraction to Harry.

Micah: You could look at it that way, but I do think he’s getting tasked with things in this moment that he doesn’t need to be bothered with.

Eric: That’s fair.

Andrew: No, that’s true. He’s got enough on his mind. All right, you got me. Are you happy?

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: So welcome to the Ministry of Magic, everybody. I don’t have the proper voice as they hear on their way down, but…

Eric: Oh, I should have gotten the lady that does the Time-Turner segment to say it.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I was going to say.

Micah: Do you think she’s busy tonight? Can she join us?

Eric: We’ll add it in post.

Micah: One thing that jumped out at me was, as with other first time experiences in the wizarding world, Harry seems really taken by entering the Ministry of Magic.

Andrew: Yeah. Well, I think what’s interesting here – and we see this from time to time in the Harry Potter series – it’s these transitions from something rundown, decrepit, in a corner, hidden away… it looks old; nobody would ever touch it, like a Portkey in Goblet of Fire, the old boot. You go from this empty rundown street, and Harry is like, “Why are we going in this phone booth? This doesn’t make sense.” You go from that to this gorgeous, glossy, beautiful, huge atrium that is the entrance of the Ministry of Magic. So I really like how these transitions are used across the wizarding world, because these rundown areas, Muggles don’t want to touch, right? Because they’re gross, ew. Who wants to hang out over there? So it’s like a security layer for the wizards.

Laura: Yeah, it’s hidden in plain sight.

Eric: I wonder if… obviously this book is set in 1995. I wonder if they’ve changed the Muggle entrance as pay phones are very hard to find, especially public pay phones now. I wonder what it would be these days.

Andrew: [laughs] That’s a fun question. Because yeah, you’re right. Pay phones are on the way out.

Eric: There’s one or two places – I think maybe a police station or something – you go in and all of a… in the corner there’d be this beat up… maybe the receiver is missing, but it would still be mounted.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. Maybe today’s equivalent would be a nasty bathroom stall in a restaurant. Nobody wants to go into that bathroom stall because there’s some girl screaming in there. Moaning Myrtle, not something else.

Eric: They should change it to maybe a police box from the ’50s or ’60s or something, because those things are iconic. Timeless.

Micah: I like that you brought that up, Andrew, because we’re also going to experience the same thing with St. Mungo’s a couple chapters from now.

Eric: Oh yeah, a dilapidated department storefront or something like that.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah.

Micah: Well, one thing that Harry seems extremely taken with upon arriving at the Ministry is the Fountain of Magical Brethren. I’m wondering, Eric, would you mind reading the quote?

Eric: Not at all.

“Halfway down the hall was a fountain. A group of golden statues, larger than life-size, stood in the middle of a circular pool. Tallest of them all was a noble-looking wizard with his wand pointing straight up in the air. Grouped around him were a beautiful witch, a centaur, a goblin, and a house-elf. The last three were looking adoringly up at the witch and wizard.”

Micah: So there’s definitely a clear indication here of how witches and wizards view the world as a whole, but as we’ll see in this book and beyond, certainly not the way the larger wizarding community views witches and wizards, the fact that all of these other creatures are looking up adoringly at the wizard and the witch. Now, are we surprised that Harry doesn’t question the implications of the fountain?

Laura: No. I don’t think Harry is there yet.

Andrew: Me neither.

Micah: Distracted?

Eric: I mean, isn’t it…? Hermione points it out later in the book, and she’s very, very intuiting. She’s very in tune with cultural sensitivities.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, I know she definitely explains it in Deathly Hallows, but I don’t remember…

Eric: Somebody at some point is like, “You know, Harry, that’s BS.” [laughs]

Laura: I think it was Dumbledore, actually.

Eric: Oh, God.

Laura: I think it was Dumbledore who said, “That fountain was a lie.”

Eric: Well, and I wonder how many adults that commute there don’t think anything of the fountain, just like Harry isn’t, or how many of them are emboldened by it. “Oh, everybody loves us. Heck yeah.” And then how many other adult wizards are like, “Actually, that’s kind of problematic. We should take it down.”

Andrew: I want to know what Newt thinks about it, too.

Eric: Oooh.

Laura: I mean, think about… I’m thinking about, there’s a monument, very large, in Columbus Circle in DC of Christopher Columbus with two native people knelt next to him. That is a real-life representation of what this fountain does in this story.

Eric: Wow.

Laura: And people walk by it every day, and they’ve got other stuff on their minds so they don’t take much time, probably, to think about it, although I think probably the social awareness is a lot higher now than it used to be.

Eric: I’ll play devil’s advocate. Maybe the centaur isn’t gazing up adoringly at the witch or wizard; he’s gazing up at Mars.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: Oh yeah, and he’s like, “Oh, you’re all going to die soon.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Yeah, there’s a smile on his face because he knows this torture is going to be over soon.

Andrew: Well, and I think in terms of Harry recognizing the meaning behind this statue, I do think, as was said a couple minutes ago, he is just distracted. I mean, this place is overwhelming for your first time.

Eric: It’s cool.

Andrew: It’s a huge place with people running around everywhere.

Micah: And let’s not forget why he’s there; he has bigger things on his mind than this fountain, which… it is important that it is really the centerpiece to the Ministry, just given some of the characters we’ve met so far, like Cornelius Fudge; I think it speaks volumes about him as well. But there is a bit of a foreshadow alert here, because the fountain and its creatures will play a major role in the duel between Dumbledore and Voldemort at the end of this book.

Eric: Ooh!

Micah: And I wanted to ask one final question on the fountain: Do we think that it’s at all different from the “Magic is Might” one that we see in Deathly Hallows? Is it two sides of the same coin?

Laura: Yeah, one of them is a lie and the other is a bold-faced admission.

Eric: Wow.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Boom.

Eric: I’m going to be sick. I mean, one is there for entertainment or maybe a feel-good nature, and the other is there to inflict fear. So I’d say they couldn’t be more opposite.

Micah: But the same point.

Eric: Yeah, what Laura said is accurate.

Micah: Yeah. Well, one of the great things about the Ministry is that it delivers on being very bureaucratic and very corporate, and I might get some anxiety going through and reading this list, but I’m going to try and make my way through it.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: You can do it, Micah.

Micah: Harry gets a security badge stating the purpose of his visit. Many of the witches and wizards that Harry encounters were wearing “glum, early-morning looks,” which I dub the classic “Why the bleep am I here? Another day of this BS” look.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: We’ve all been there.

Andrew: Don’t worry, Micah. It’s almost Friday. Don’t worry.

Micah: Eric, the security guard, is noted to be “a badly shaven wizard” reading the Daily Prophet. I mean, just give him a donut and…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, yeah, just get through the day. I was surprised how he just makes no impression, really, on Harry. He attempts to look at his scar and is whisked away quickly.

Micah: Harry needs to present his wand for inspection; it’s very similar to going through security at most office places. The elevator stops at every. Single. Floor.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Now I can tell that you work above the ground floor in an office building, don’t you, Micah? Because there’s always that time…

Micah: I do. And the elevators have been not the best the last couple of months. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, you think you’re going to get up to your office on 7 or 10 or 11…

Micah: 18.

Eric: … but then somebody pushes 3; somebody who gets on at 4 pushes 6. You’re like, “Son of a…”

Micah: There are stairs.

Andrew: Now, Micah, do you have to present your wand for inspection every day you go into the office? Or was that a one-and-done type thing?

Micah: I have to swipe my security badge.

Andrew: Okay, that’s your wand.

Micah: That’s my wand, yeah. Oh, we also have face ID, so that…

Andrew: Oh, really? Wow.

Eric: Whoa!

Andrew: Very high-tech. Arthur would love that.

Eric: This is like Minority Report or something, damn.

Micah: There are interdepartmental memos, as well as enchanted windows to make sure people get that…

Eric: Vitamin D!

Micah: Vitamin D.

Laura: Are they actually getting that, though?

Micah: I don’t know. [laughs]

Eric: You have to be able to…

Laura: Because artificial light, I don’t think it…

Micah: Counts?

Andrew: But magic artificial light?

Laura: Yeah, I guess.

Eric: I’m going to say 100% it’s absolutely real, because Lumos Solem is solar; it’s the sunlight spell. Lumos is more artificial, but Lumos Solem is actual sunlight.

Laura: Ahh, okay.

Eric: Yeah, because there would be no point this far underground to doing even fake windows if they didn’t offer exactly what the sun offers, I think; like mental reprieve, feeling of calmness. I’m inclined to think they work 100% as a real window would.

Micah: Well, yeah, because we learn that the weather can change depending on how the custodial staff feel about things.

Eric: [laughs] So bureaucratic. So perfect.

Micah: Even the Aurors have cubicles, which is just… [laughs] It made me laugh.

Eric: Aww. I mean, what would you imagine for them? A pen?

Andrew: I think Micah is ready to cry right now. This is so triggering for him.

Micah: Not a cubicle. You’re going to put Mad-Eye…? Can you imagine Mad-Eye Moody in a cubicle?

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: Okay, well…

Andrew: What do you think he prefers, the cubicle or being stuck in a briefcase for an entire school year? [laughs]

Laura: True.

Eric: You know what? Maybe it wasn’t so bad.

Andrew: Yeah, peace and quiet.

Eric: Maybe being in that trunk wasn’t so bad because he’s used to an even smaller cubicle.

Laura: Micah, what do you think is worse – or what would be worse in this context? The cubicles, or open concept? Which is very popular right now in office settings, where you have no privacy; you don’t have a cubicle. [laughs]

Micah: That’s a good question.

Eric: I’m picturing a police station in a movie that has open… every desk on the floor faces the same way.

Micah: Well, we see it in MACUSA a bit when Newt gets brought in.

Eric: Oh, yeah. But as we’ve seen… we do get a glimpse, I guess, at Kingsley’s either department or cubicle, and the walls are plastered with pinned-up things of Sirius and everything, and so I think the cubicles are functional for giving people that wall space they need to do to conduct their investigation.

Micah: Well, Arthur doesn’t have a cubicle. He has a dingy office smaller than a broom cupboard.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: What I love about this is it’s across from a broom cupboard. They’re turning… they’re going down the corridor and Harry is like, “And then there was a broom cupboard, and across from it, there was a room that was smaller than the broom cupboard.” [laughs] This is hilarious.

Micah: And I think maybe in reading this we can get a sense for maybe why Percy feels the way he does about his father’s job – maybe not his father, but his father’s job – because two desks are crammed inside this office; there’s no room to move around, very little wall space, and him and his coworker, Perkins, don’t even have a window. He said he was told that they didn’t feel like they needed it, so it actually further devalues Arthur and his work.

Eric: 100%.

Andrew: So you can see why Arthur was so excited for this field trip type of day where he gets to be Harry’s chaperon into the Ministry of Magic. It’s a refreshing twist on his day-to-day life.

Eric: Well, the placement of Arthur’s office… just like the Statue of Magical Brethren says a lot about the Ministry of Magic, where it’s housed, the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts, for a government that has a huge Statute of Secrecy that’s basically the prime directive of the wizarding world, to have the department in charge of making sure one of the ways in which that statute is broken, the misusing tea pots and toilets and all sorts of… garbage bins, everything… giving them an office that’s this, that’s smaller than a broom cupboard, shows what they think of Muggles, shows how important it is that… because it’s not just about… I mean, to talk about office real estate in a world where you can make something bigger than it is on the inside than it needs to be, his office could be a league long. There’s no way he can stay organized in that small place. And so that shows that corporate doesn’t value what he does at all.

Micah: Right.

Eric: I think this actually shows that Percy is kind of right, that you could certainly have a little bit more ambition or pride for yourself.

Laura: Yeah. I think this is just another real life parallel. Companies, governments, what have you, tend to spend the least money on the things that they value the least.

Micah: Well, and I think the author is certainly drawing upon her own experiences here; I believe for a period of time she said she worked for Amnesty International. I think she actually describes some of the offices that she worked in, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this is reflective of that experience.

Laura: And it makes sense, because I mean, Amnesty International, it’s a not for profit, so I wouldn’t expect them to have large, modern offices, and the same with governmental institutions.

Micah: Sure. Well…

Andrew: Micah, I need you to take a break right now, because I can tell this discussion has made you feel really down. It’s too triggering for you.

Micah: [laughs] But you know what? We’re getting to Molly’s meatballs, so…

Andrew: Mmm, I can almost smell them.

Micah: Well, we encounter some familiar faces at the Ministry, but we can’t act like we actually know who some of these people are, and I wanted to bring this up because Arthur and Kingsley, they pretend not to know each other in a social context; they behave very businesslike. And I think us as readers – and maybe even Harry in this moment, too, because I think Arthur steps on Harry’s foot – we begin to understand just how sensitive and precarious things are for the Order members out here in the real world.

Andrew: It’s pretty cool. It’s a pretty cool nod to the situation.

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Laura: And I mean, we get to see that Kingsley is quite literally leading the Ministry and Aurors in the wrong direction when it comes to the investigation into the whereabouts of Sirius. And we also see Kingsley kind of taking on this role with Arthur, where he’s really talking down to him to really sell the act to any peers that might be walking by, but then they’re speaking in hushed tones on the side, like, “Come over for dinner after this.”

Eric: I love it.

Micah: “Molly is making meatballs.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Such a great line. I wish it was in the… was it in the movies?

Eric: No.

Laura: I don’t think so, no.

Micah: What a miss. We gotta Max that. [laughs]

Andrew: Max that. Max those meatballs.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: But to be honest, that’s another piece of… Arthur should have prepped for this. He should have let Harry know, “Hey, if you see anyone from the Order that you know at the Ministry, you don’t know them.”

Eric: Oh my God.

Micah: Exactly. That’s a great call.

Eric: And he should have said that while they were on the tube, well outside the…

Micah: He was too busy counting the stops.

Andrew: [laughs] Hey, I like those signs too. I think they’re pretty cool.

Micah: Yeah, I know you love trains. Choo-choo.

Andrew: Choo-choo.

Micah: All right, so we wrap this chapter up with the hearing for Harry being moved, and thank God for Perkins showing up and telling Harry and Arthur that the hearing time and location have been moved. Now, I think we were told earlier on in this chapter that this was supposed to be a very straightforward meeting in Amelia Bones’s office. Much to-do about nothing. “She’s a very nice woman; just don’t act out, Harry, and you’ll be fine.” And where this ends up is a much, much different location and situation for Harry to have to go in, and he’s got to go it alone, which I don’t think was ever probably communicated to him. He’s expecting Arthur to be there. I mean, [laughs] Arthur’s done his best job to get him here; at this point, the least he could do is pull up a chair inside this room and sit down and support Harry. But that’s not going to happen.

Laura: Yeah, it’s kind of crazy that he can’t have some kind of guardian in the room.

Micah: Especially… he’s underage.

Laura: Yeah, he’s not of age.

Eric: Well, they didn’t even want his… what would you call it? His lawyer present. Dumbledore. They didn’t want Harry to have legal representation. This is like interviewing somebody without their lawyer present, is essentially what the Ministry did to Harry. They wanted him alone. They wanted him alone, scared, worried, defenseless… that’s why they changed…

Andrew: And mentally thrown off his game.

Eric: Yes.

Andrew: If they changed the location on me at the last minute and I had been preparing for this for any certain amount of time, I would be thrown off. It’s like when you arrive late to an appointment, or let’s say you arrive late to doing this podcast. It just throws you off. After you’ve had a crazy day, you need time to mentally reset yourself before the thing begins, and if they’re changing the time and place right beforehand, that doesn’t give you that reset period that you were hoping for.

Eric: Yeah, these charges are bogus, and it is known by a certain group of these people that are making these decisions, so instead, their game is to trip Harry up.

Micah: Right.

Eric: Their goal overall is to discredit him; that’s what Umbridge’s plan was the whole time as well, to assist the Ministry in that, and this is just another way in which they’re doing it. But it’s insidious. It’s so bad.

Micah: Yeah, it makes it very clear that the Ministry is out to get him. I was wondering why the memo wasn’t sent directly to Harry himself. Why does Perkins have this memo? I guess what it tells me, number one, is they know that Harry is in the building; they know that Harry is with Arthur, but it’s still not clear to me why Harry is not receiving this communication. Let’s presume Arthur is not even part of the equation. There’s nobody there to greet Harry upon his arrival to the Ministry. How would Harry even know where to go? Without Arthur, there’s no way Harry gets to the courtroom.

Laura: It’s deliberate.

Andrew: Yeah, and maybe they know Arthur is the designated chaperon.

Eric: Well past a certain point… in government buildings you do need an escort past a certain point, or you’re signed in as a visitor, and then it’s like, “Who are you here to see?” And it’s like, that’s your authorization. But Arthur wasn’t even given that notice, so to your point, legally, Harry should have been notified, yeah.


Odds & Ends


Micah: All right, anything else on this very fun chapter?

Andrew: Let’s look at some odds and ends. Sirius’s advice to Harry before going to the hearing was “Don’t lose your temper,” which I found very funny…

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: It’s good advice.

Andrew: … from somebody who loses his temper, yeah.

Micah: Yeah. We also got our first mention of Rufus Scrimgeour. His name was dropped earlier in this chapter because it’s stated that he was suspicious of both Tonks and Kingsley. And let’s keep in mind at this point he is the Head of the Auror Office, so he is their boss, so it goes to the point that was made earlier that Kingsley and Arthur really do need to keep up the charade, because if Scrimgeour overhears, it could be trouble. He’s already suspicious of what’s going on. I also believe we get our first introduction to the Quibbler.

Eric: Yeah!

Micah: Kingsley passes along an article to Arthur that he says Sirius will likely find most interesting. Is this the Stubby Boardman article?

Laura: Probably.

Eric: Might be.

Micah: I was trying to remember which one it was off the top of my head, and that’s the only notable one that I would think Sirius would find interesting. Harry and Arthur, on their way down to the courtrooms, encounter Broderick Bode, who we later learn is an Unspeakable in the Department of Mysteries, and he will meet his untimely demise before the end of Order of the Phoenix, so…

Eric: Aw. It does not bode well.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: It does not bode well.

Laura: I see what you did there.

Micah: But he seemed pretty sharp. He recognized Harry, but doesn’t make a big deal about it. And then we touched on this a little bit earlier, but in order to gain access to the visitor’s entrance at the Ministry of Magic, you need to dial 62442, which spells “MAGIC.”

Andrew: First of all, shout-out to our old phone number, which we recently had to say goodbye to, which is super sad. But what I found so cool about this 62442 line in the book is that Arthur does not say, “Oh, that translates to magic,” and Harry doesn’t realize it either. I seem to have a vague recollection that I learned about this through MuggleNet.com or something, one of those little hidden Easter eggs, and I thought it was so cool that it wasn’t explained in the book. You just had to figure it out for yourself, and that’s one of those little bits of additional magic you get through reading the books.

Eric: Because even in 2003 when this book was published, alphanumeric… well, rotary telephones were near gone – the only one that I knew of was at my grandmother’s house – and keypads didn’t always have them, or you’re not looking, or the use of letters in phones didn’t really happen, so it’s just the most fun Easter egg.

Micah: I want to say, too, that if you dialed that on the phone on the old JKRowling.com, it did reveal something. I’m forgetting exactly what it was.

Andrew: That’s right.

Laura: Oh, yeah, that’s right. It did.

Eric: Played a sound.

Andrew: It may have been one of the secrets at the time to unlock a different room. But this also reminds me, I think if you dial 62442 at Wizarding World Orlando in front of Diagon Alley on the London street, I think it plays something through the phone.

Eric: Yes, I think it does too.

Micah: Oooh.

Andrew: Yeah, little bits of magic.


Please Translate for the Dumb Americans


Andrew: And I have a new segment for us today.

Eric: Ooh.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: It’s called Please Translate for the Dumb Americans. And I have a sound effect; are you ready?

Laura: Yes.

[“Duhhh” sound effect plays]

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Very good.

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: So Mrs. Weasley offers kippers to Harry for breakfast, amongst other items that I did recognize, but I didn’t know what kippers were. These aren’t a thing here in America.

Eric: What are they? I’ve never heard of them before. Never had them. Certainly not a thing I’ve tried.

Andrew: Kippers are herring fish that have been split, gutted, salted, and then smoked.

Eric: Yum!

Andrew: So it’s seafood for breakfast. I’m not a seafood person, so I’d be saying, “No.” I’d say, “Molly, give me some of those meatballs.”

Eric: I want that all the time.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Meatballs or kippers?

Eric: Well, both.

Andrew: [laughs] Meatball kippers.

Eric: I only know of kippers through a Supertramp song.

Andrew: Oh, okay. Micah, Laura, did you know the phrase kippers? The word kippers?

Laura: Yes.

Andrew: Oh.

Laura: I did. I watched as a child – which in retrospect, I’m like, “I don’t know; maybe I was too young for this” – I watched Fawlty Towers as a child, which is a really, really great Britcom, and there was an episode that had something to do with kippers in it, and that’s the only reason I knew. But no hate; they don’t look super appetizing.

Andrew: But…

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: They don’t look super appetizing to me, but that doesn’t mean that other people shouldn’t enjoy them.

Micah: I had heard of them before, but I didn’t know what they were, so thank you for educating me, Andrew. Who knows? It could come in handy on Jeopardy.

Andrew: Yeah, there you go. We learn something new every day.


Superlative of the Week


Micah: All right, so now we’re going to have a little bit of fun with the different departments that get mentioned as Harry and Arthur are riding that very long elevator ride to Arthur’s office. First we’re going to have some fun, and then our patrons are going to have some fun. So I thought we could have some fun by figuring out what are the best and worst departments for Take Your Kid to Work Day.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: So this was difficult for me to decide, because it is still a workplace environment. They’re all just kind of “Bleh” because you’re in an office space.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: But best for me – Micah, you mentioned I love trains earlier…

Micah: Choo-choo.

Andrew: … I think the best would be level six, the Department of Magical Transport, and this incorporates the Floo Network, the Broom Regulatory Control, the Portkey Office, and the Apparition Test Center. Presumably they keep an eye on the Hogwarts Express there as well, so that would be the best for me. And then the worst, I would say Law Enforcement, level two. Just compared to the others, I just think it would be the most boring.

Eric: I really like, just for the record, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, but I probably would never want to visit that because it seems like I would be traumatized by seeing it. So instead, I’m going to say Take Your Kid to Work Day for the Floo Network Authority on level six, or the Portkey Office, because magical transport is super fun. And I assume you can’t get your kid into the Department of Mysteries, so that’s a no go, but there’s a lot there that can kill you in general.

Micah: “Tommy, stay away from the veil.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Laura: This is the wizarding world we’re talking about, though. They don’t…

Eric: “Tommy, lean into the veil. Do you hear anything?”

Laura: Everything is a security nightmare.

Micah: “Grandpa’s talking to me.” Never mind.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: I’m wearing my security consultant hat right now, and yes, I declare that that area is off-limits to the children for the reasons just stated.

Laura: Nope.

Eric: There you go.

Micah: What about you, Laura?

Laura: Well, I think the best place would be the Department of Mysteries, but that’s just because I like weird, creepy stuff like that, so I think I would have been delighted as a child to go here. The worst: I said Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. Just sounds traumatic, so nah.

Micah: Yeah. For me, I thought a fun one would be Department of Magical Games and Sports.

Eric: Yep, say hi to Ludo.

Micah: Yeah. Well, Ludo and his friends got a huge shout-out in the next segment we’re going to do. But the worst – I’m kind of in agreement with you, Andrew – International Magical Office of Law. I feel like that’s super boring; the kid would probably be asleep the whole time. No shade to the lawyers who listen to our show; we know we have quite a few.

Eric: You know your office is boring.

Laura: Yeah, you’d better be careful, Micah. They’re lawyers.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: Oh, it’s not like we’re doing anything illegal. Yet.

[Laura laughs]


Lynx Line


Micah: All right, I mentioned our patrons, and we did ask over on our Lynx Line – which is a great benefit at the Slug Club level – since we’re in the holiday season, which department at the Ministry of Magic do you think would throw the best holiday party?

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Micah: And we got some really fun answers.

Andrew: Michael W. said,

“The party on level seven is going to be WILD. I’m picturing some of those ludicrous patents combined with complicated drinking games and sports.”

Level seven being the Magical Games and Sports Department.

Micah: Well, and it’s level seven.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: There would be bangs and loud noises, and you’d never know… somebody would say, “Catch,” and you’d have to turn around and hopefully not die. Franzi says,

“The Department of Magical Games and Sports! Ludo Bagman would throw one hell of a party, with a couple of betting games in which he probably had a hand to win most of them.”

Oh, yeah.

Micah: Leah agrees with Michael.

“Gotta be level seven – Quidditch League jocks mixed with a department that named themselves ‘Ludicrous,’ plus the Gobstones Club members – it’s the geeks who party hardest!”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: That is true. I can attest to that.

Andrew: Don’t we know it?

Laura: [laughs] Jennifer says level three, which, hot take, because that’s the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. Jennifer says,

“If you get way messed up, the Healers are going to be able to fix you! Plus those Healers probably throw some swanky parties.”

That’s true.

Andrew: Rachel S. said,

“It sort of depends on your idea of a great party. I think Department of Mysteries would go to an escape room, which would be totally awesome. Department of Game/Sports would probably have the biggest party atmosphere with major athletes, great music, and alcohol. I’m getting Olympic Village vibes. Can you imagine the gifts that would get given at a Ministry-wide Secret Santa?”

Eric: Ooh.

Andrew: Good points.

Eric: That’s good. It’s all about the fun you can have at work. Amy says,

“I always pictured the Department of Magical Games and Sports to be full of former frat bros who can throw a killer party (and maybe not do much else.) That’s at least the vibe I got from Ludo Bagman, so I assumed his colleagues are similar. As others have said, they have access to famous athletes to add prestige to the invite list, and I’m sure they can keep a party going strong for hours.”

Micah: Miranda says the Department of Magical Games and Sports; they’re getting a lot of votes here.

“They probably held onto a lot of money from hosting the Quidditch World Cup, and would be able to get all the international Quidditch celebrities. I could see it being very VIP, like the Met Gala.”

Laura: Yeah. Shannon says,

“I say level four – you could get magical creatures from all over the world, plus ghosts! The guest possibilities are endless. And I think the goblins would be fun for party games – they’d probably win them all and take all your money, but they’d like being included, even if they wouldn’t admit to it. It would be an outdoor barbecue potluck type party to accommodate everyone. Mermaids could provide musical entertainment; fairies would provide pretty lighting when it gets dark. Leprechauns would put on a fireworks show to end the evening – just don’t try to pay off the goblins with the fake gold!”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I love that. Very creative.

Andrew: Yeah. Zachary B said,

“Level five. The Department of International Magical Cooperation sticks out the most to me. Being raised in a German/Irish Catholic and Jewish household, the holidays have been full of sweets and traditional foods. To me, the holidays have been about food and fellowship, and what better way to celebrate than with our friends from other cultures? It would be great to see how our wizarding people from across the world celebrate, what dishes, drinks/potions, gifts, and dancing or activities they do. My wife is Puerto Rican, and the way her family does the holiday season is different from the way mine does, which is something I love. We could all do with being a little more culturally knowledgeable; I believe it would be the same for the wizarding world. Instead of drinking mulled wine or eggnog, maybe a witch or wizard could bring Coquito to festivities.”

I love that answer! That’s excellent.

Micah: That’s a great answer.

Eric: That’s really good stuff.

Laura: Very on point, Zachary.

Eric: Yeah, International Magical Cooperation sounds like a good vibe. And Jenn wrote Department of Magical Games and Sports! Man, we should have a bell or something that we ring.

“I love games, and I’d love to see what other wizarding games are out there, besides the few we get to see in the books.”

Oh, I love that.

Micah: And finally to bring us home, Danielle says,

“The Portkey Office. They could host the party literally ANYWHERE. They could invite as many folks as they wanted, as long as all the Portkeys lead to a big enough venue. Alternatively, they could set up a handful of party event spaces and host a ‘progressive dinner’ where you have one course in each location, they’d grab a new Portkey to get to the next stop.”

Andrew: Awesome.

Laura: Or like bar hopping, but Portkey hopping.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Just an alternative.

Eric: “Let’s see where this one goes.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Well, thank you, Slug Club patrons who submitted answers. It’s always fun reading all of these. Listeners, if you have any feedback about today’s chapter, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that is recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for the Department of Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Ooh, I love that. Maybe I’ll get an office.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Last week’s question was: In the Sorcerer’s Stone PC game, what spell do you primarily use to deal with Doxies? And for those who knew this answer, say it aloud with me, “Fliiipendo!

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: So many good answers. 70% of people said they didn’t look it up! It’s that memorable. That is the spell that you use in that game. Last week’s winners were Buff Daddy; Happy Charmander; I Hart Muggles; Michael W.; My son is also called Bort Voldemort; PS1 Hagrid is the stuff of my nightmares; Skurge!; Spongify, the best made-up spell; SugarDaddyHarry; The Doxy Who Is Kreacher’s Best Friend… aw, that’s kind of sad.

Micah: [laughs] That’s really sad.

Eric: … and “The What the Hype?! Theme Song Is a Banger.”

Micah: It is.

Laura: Yeah, it is!

Andrew: Aw, thank you.

Eric: Yeah, it is.

Andrew: Subscribe to the What the Hype?! feed.

Eric: Roll it! No.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: What is Amelia Bones’s middle name? Got a random book question pertaining to the next chapter.

Micah: Nice.

Eric: Is Quizzitch back? Is it changing? Is it no longer world events? I don’t know; we’ll see. Submit your Quizzitch answers to us using the Quizzitch form on MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or on the main site, click on the main nav at the top where it says “Quizzitch.”

Micah: I’m just envisioning Kreacher walking around Grimmauld Place with one of those petrified Doxies, talking to it now. I’m not going to be able to get that out of my head.

Laura: Aww.

Eric: Yeah. Maybe he pets it with his fingertip. It’s like Newt and the Bowtruckle.

Micah: He calls it Regulus.

Andrew: Aww.

Laura: Oof!

Eric: That just got extra sad.

Andrew: Speaking of Quizzitch, we have a new Quizzitch Live in the works just before the end of the year, so stay tuned for that. It should be a lot of fun. We were brainstorming some categories the other day. Stay tuned for more details; you can play Quizzitch Live with MuggleCast and your fellow Harry Potter friends around the world. This show is brought to you by Muggles like you; listener support is the only reason we have been able to podcast for 19 years. There are three great ways to help us out: Apple Podcasts subscribers can sign up for MuggleCast Gold, and that gets you instant access to ad-free and early releases of MuggleCast, plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month. For even more benefits, pledge at Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and you get all the benefits of Gold, plus livestreams, yearly stickers, Lynx Line participation, a physical gift, and a video message from one of the four of us made just for you, amongst other perks. And with the holidays upon us, treat yourself or a Harry Potter-loving friend or family member to one of the following: MuggleCastMerch.com has great official MuggleCast merch, including glassware, hats, and shirts; Patreon.com/MuggleCast/gift is where you can gift a Patreon membership for instant access to the above benefits; and MuggleMillennial.etsy.com is where you can find our remaining inventory from years past, including the super cozy MuggleCast beanie and socks. Also check out our other weekly podcasts, What the Hype?! and Millennial, for more pop culture and real world talk from the four of us. And that does it for this week’s episode of the show. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Time to eat some kippers and meatballs. Bye, everybody.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Mmm.

Micah: Bye.

Transcript #682

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #682, A Tapestry of Secrets (OOTP Chapter 6, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Eric Scull: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the Wizarding World fandom, and currently, the Order of the Phoenix book. Grab your Doxy spray and settle in – maybe a Swiffer duster or two as well – because today on the pod, we will be discussing Chapter 6 of Order of the Phoenix, “The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.” I have Laura and Micah with me. Hello, guys.

Laura Tee: Hey, Eric, how you doing?

Eric: Hanging in there.

Laura: Yep, same. [laughs]

Eric: It’s nice to have habits that you can go back to on a weekly basis that keep you grounded and centered during all tumult.

Laura: Yeah, I think that’s a really great message for us to start this week’s show with, because there’s just a lot going on, and people aren’t living under rocks, so we all know. And I think it’s really important during times like these, when there are so many difficult conversations and just a lot going on that is outside of all of our spheres of influence, try to remember to pour energy into yourselves and take care of yourself first, and then turn your focus to your communities, because the people you love need you.

Eric: Yeah, and we’re really happy to continue to be everyone’s Harry Potter friends in your ears, so that has not changed. That will not change.

Micah Tannenbaum: No, and we’ve been here through many an administration since 2005.

Eric: Yeah, we counted, right?

Laura: Yeah, we have!

Eric: It’s quite a lot. [laughs]

Micah: And we haven’t changed one bit, and we’re not going to, so there you go.

Laura: Yeah, we’re not going anywhere. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah. As we move forward and do what I think will be a fun episode with Chapter 6 of Chapter by Chapter, we also want to remind people that we have cool MuggleCast merch! This time I’m finally wearing the shirt, “Security nightmare,” pink. Yeah, it’s awesome. I’m very proud of it. And we’ve received several posts from our listeners as well, that they’re getting their exclusive merchandise one-off. Anyone who visits the MuggleCast merch store, you’re in for a good time. We’ve got some really good products, “Choo-choo” hats and otherwise.

Laura: Yeah, and honestly, something that I love about our merch store is the customization that is available for shirts, so a lot of the shirts that we offer, you can get in multiple different colors. That might sound, I don’t know, like maybe not the most exciting thing in the shop – and it’s definitely not, because there’s exciting merch – but I am someone who likes to customize. I have a very specific aesthetic that I’m going for, so when I got my “No theory is safe” shirt, I wanted it in that deep maroon color because I thought it was so beautiful, so it just gives everyone some customization. Wear MuggleCast your way.

Eric: Oh, I mean, Laura, what you’re talking about is exactly what got me to getting this shirt. I mean, I love the decal for “Security nightmare” that Anna designed for our Collectors Club, but when I saw I could get it in a pink shirt, I’m like, “Oh, yeah. All in. 100%.”

Laura: And it looks great on you.

Eric: Micah, do you want to do the Santa reminder?

Micah: Yes, something cheery in these not-so-cheery times, at least for some of us. But speaking about Patreon, one of the things that I love each and every year is the Secret Santa that we do over on… usually organized through our Facebook group, and Brittney is the one who’s been doing it for the last several years. And it is now open through December 2, so if you are a patron and you’re not a part of this Facebook group and you want to be a part of the Secret Santa, definitely now is the time. And as I said, it’s something that I really do look forward to each and every year, and I’ve gotten a lot of great Secret Santa gifts over the years, and I’ve hopefully gifted a lot of very fun Secret Santa gifts over the years.

Eric: Yes, your recipients, they’re not here to testify…

Micah: They’re not.

Eric: … but they always seem very well-received.

Micah: I have not once drawn a fellow cohost as part of the Secret Santa, though I assume that could be a possibility.

Laura: Maybe.

Micah: But that’s not as fun. Sorry. [laughs]

Eric: I agree.

Laura: Wow, Micah, tell us how you really feel.

Micah: I take care of y’all anyway, so it’s fine.

Eric: We get each other.

Laura: That is true.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. And even Dumbledore participates in our inter-host…

Micah: No secrets needed.

Eric: With cookies.

Micah: Dumbledore? Oh, yes. He has a special kind of cookie that he sends.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Okay, all right. So as we move forward, I’m going to need me some of those. I really need to calm down. There is actually something that is newsworthy for this episode; let’s go to our News Center in New York for that as well.

Micah: [laughs] Is it still open after all these years?

Eric: We’ve been paying the lease on it. Have you not been going?

Micah: No. Well, there hasn’t been a whole lot of news. I’m not sure why we’re paying that lease.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Micah: But actually, some exciting news, and I think we had talked a little bit about the fact that Hogwarts Legacy will be getting a sequel, but new information that came out this week is that it’s going to… at least some of the storylines in Hogwarts Legacy 2, the plan is to crossover with the new Harry Potter TV show. David Haddad, who is the president of Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment, told Variety that Avalanche has been coordinating some of the big picture storytelling elements in the Hogwarts Legacy sequel with the storylines that will play out in the Harry Potter HBO TV show. I don’t know what that means. I’m very confused. Anybody? Laura, you’re a big… well, both of you are big gamers.

Laura: I guess the thing that immediately comes to mind for me is that whatever elements they’re going to crossover from the game into the show either need to not matter that much, or they need to be definitive convergence points that all players in the game will reach. Because sometimes in certain games – Eric, you know this – you can make choices. Hogwarts Legacy is a game where you can make some choices, so they’re going to have to… if they want to integrate it, at least the way I’m imagining it, they need to do it at almost a… bottleneck’s not the right word, but a point that is going to be mutually converged on by all players so that everyone can have the same experience.

Eric: Yeah, that’s a good point. So their House-specific missions could never be referenced.

Laura: Right.

Eric: Hogwarts Legacy each had one of those. To me, this news is a shock because they couldn’t be more different. Hogwarts Legacy, the narrative is there’s this thing called ancient magic, and it typically manifests in the way of a late-blooming wizard who then is doing these amazing feats, kind of akin to what we see Dumbledore doing when he’s facing off against Voldemort at the end of Book 5. It’s that kind of stuff, that level stuff. I can’t see how that’s anywhere close to 10- or 11-year-old Harry, which is going to be the age Harry is when the TV starts, presumably. He won’t be older than that, that’s for sure. So how can you connect anything to do with the Hogwarts Legacy universe and this ancient magic to having anything to do with baby Harry?

Micah: That’s a great question. Because we’re in 1800s, correct?

Eric: That’s another thing. Yeah, we’re 90 years, at least, away from the plot of Sorcerer’s Stone.

Micah: But not Dumbledore.

Eric: But not Dumbledore.

Laura: Yeah. Wait, when does Hogwarts Legacy take place? And when was Dumbledore born?

Eric: Mid to late 1880s? And… well, the earliest reports on Dumbledore’s age was that he was 150.

Micah: And that was in the 1990s. Oh, so presumably he’s around.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: So are they going to retcon it? I mean, to be honest, though, he would have been born about 1840 based off that.

Eric: If the 150… yeah.

Laura: So yeah, I don’t know. I wonder how they’re going to retcon it to make Dumbledore involved, because it seems like that’s their favorite move.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Laura: Just based off Fantastic Beasts.

Eric: Well, but at the same time, if he was in love with Grindelwald, who later rose to power around World War II, that puts him being a teenager in the early 1900s, maybe? So there’s that aspect of it, where he would be maybe a student in the game. Uncertain on that.

Laura: Maybe.

Micah: Sure. Let’s not forget that this is also a sequel, so it could be totally different, from a storyline perspective, than what we got in the first edition of it.

Eric: Fair enough.

Laura: That’s true. It does make me wonder who you’re going to play as, because in the first one, you just get to invent your own character. If they’re somehow trying to connect the second one to the Harry Potter story, are you going to be playing as a specific character? You just going to still create your own character, but you’re in the universe with these other characters that we know and have actually met in Harry Potter lore?

Eric: Yeah, well, I mean, what I liked possibly most about Hogwarts Legacy is how disconnected it was from Harry Potter main story, because it was still Hogwarts that we knew and loved. There were familiar archetypes, almost, and that with the teachers, but I liked that they didn’t connect. [laughs]

Micah: I agree with you. That was one of the things I really did enjoy, is that when you’re talking about the expansion of the world, this was the best example of that expansion that we’ve gotten since the books concluded in 2007, and I don’t know that I want something that’s more modern day or that weaves into some of the storylines in the Harry Potter series. I like where we are, so I hope they don’t do things a little too drastically.

Laura: Yeah. Becky in our Discord is suggesting maybe the show is going to be flashback heavy, either that or the sequel will be set in the modern day, and maybe there will be a lot of young Dumbledore flashbacks. So y’all are definitely on to something there. I just… I hope that they don’t lean into this in order to drive success, because I hope they already saw from Hogwarts Legacy 1, they don’t need to do that to get people interested. Hogwarts Legacy was a huge success, so I mean, they’ve already got the formula.

Micah: Right. This Variety article overall was an interesting read because a lot of it was talking about the expansion of the Harry Potter franchise as we move into 2025 and beyond, where they were talking about the TV show, they were talking about Hogwarts Legacy 2, the new theme park at Epic Universe, and now something that’s coming in the next couple of days from the time this is released, is The Hogwarts Wizards of Baking, which is going to premiere on Food Network and Max on November the 14th. It’s hosted by James and Oliver Phelps, and there’s going to be some guest judges, as we would expect: Warwick Davis, Evanna Lynch, Bonnie Wright. And we’ve seen them explore these types of shows before. I’m thinking of the quiz show that they did, which was not the name of it, but…

Eric: Tournament of Champions?

Micah: There you go. This seems fun; it seems interesting. I’m sure everything is going to be themed Harry Potter that the contestants are going to have to bake. It seems more of like a dessert-focused show, but it’s something fun for the holidays I think that Harry Potter fans could get into, and they seem to do a good job in bringing on James and Oliver Phelps. Those two seem to be the signature go-to guys when it comes to a lot of these different events and shows that Warner Bros. explores, so I always think back to them; they’re always at the opening of everything.

Laura: Yeah, that’s true.

Eric: They’re the hype guys.

Laura: Yeah. Kind of surprised they didn’t get Bradley Bakes to join for this.

Eric: Maybe he’s an extra surprise guest.

Laura: Oh, that would be cool.

Micah: Maybe he’s a contestant.

Eric: Oooh!

Laura: Oh, yeah. Ohh.

Eric: And we didn’t hear about it because he’s sworn by an NDA.

Laura: Right, right. [laughs]

Eric: That would be very cool.

Micah: So it’s nice. We haven’t had some news in a while.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I love getting fun news like that.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Eric: With that, let us delve into Chapter by Chapter. We’ve had a few weeks off, honestly. Feel a little rusty; feels a little odd getting into.

Micah: So we’re going to do a seven-word summary?

Laura: Oh, hell no.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Uh, no, that’s too off. And also, Laura is like, “No, we’re done with those.”

Laura: Absolutely not.

Eric: But we are going to get into MuggleCast’s Time-Turner segment; let’s herald the return of that. The last time in which we talked about Chapter 6 of Order of the Phoenix was October 21 of 2019 for Episode 439, titled “Dumbledip,” and before that was Episode 230 of MuggleCast, “Trendsetter,” for June 4, 2011.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 230.

Andrew: In this chapter we also see Mrs. Weasley really keeping them busy with house chores, and that’s again another thing. And the kids pick up on it, this is a way for them to be distracted from discussing what’s going on.

Micah: Yeah. I mean, she employs the same thing in Deathly Hallows when she wants to keep them apart as much as possible, so she puts them to work for the wedding. She’s crafty, that one.

Andrew: Crafty? Yeah, I guess that’s one way to describe it. [laughs]

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 439.

Emily: it’s probably therapeutic for Sirius because he’s been cramped up in here and not allowed to leave anyway, so in order to do something productive, at least he can sort through and throw out a bunch of stuff that has really bad associations for him.

Andrew: Which is pretty much everything in the house.

Emily: Exactly. [laughs] Everything he can remove without being stuck on the walls.

Andrew: Nothing sparks joy for Sirius, except maybe Harry. [laughs]

[Whooshing sound]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Eric: Whole lot of cleaning going on.

Laura: Yeah, yeah. I actually titled the first part of this discussion, “Clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere.” Does anyone remember singing that in pre-K and kindergarten?

Eric: Barney? Ahh. It’s from Barney, right?

Laura: Yeah, it definitely… it’s ringing some Barney bells, I would say.

Eric: “Everybody do your share.”

Laura: [laughs] Right. Well, we’ve definitely touched on a couple different interpretations of how Molly shows up in this chapter with the cleaning, and how the cleaning serves the double purpose of, I think, trying to distract the kids and keep them occupied, but also making the place livable. But something I wanted to look at a little differently was her very overt orders before the cleaning even starts, to tell the kids not to talk to each other after they’re going to bed for the night, so I’m wondering, to kick us off, have we ever been in a situation where an adult forbade us from talking to our friends about hearing something that they deemed inappropriate for us?

Eric: I’m thinking back to scout camp, really, and I don’t know that there was any one instance where we heard something we shouldn’t have, but that whole “Okay, children, we know you could probably be up for three more hours, but it’s past midnight and you really have to go to bed, so don’t talk to each other. Even though I’m now leaving the room and leaving you to your own devices, don’t stay up. Go to bed.” Seems like the quintessential adult versus a group of kids situation.

Micah: Yeah. I’m sure for me, at some point I did that, but I thought it would be almost funny in that, if we were to look at how many different mediums of communication there are today versus back then when this is taking place, or even when we were growing up, the speed with which communication can happen, almost. Phones, texting, apps, computers. It has to be a lose-lose situation for parents, or guardians, authority figures, to try and keep their children from talking about things that maybe they don’t want them to be talking about, right?

Eric: I mean, even just, yeah, looking back to how I used to read books at night with a tiny little light that was part of a gloved hand device that was… it was this whole thing. Now you could just use your phone flashlight, and screen time is unlimited when you’re unsupervised.

[Micah laughs]

Laura: Right.

Eric: So yeah, it’s a good thing this is set in the ’90s, so Molly doesn’t have to take their phones before bed.

Micah: What I find to be very just comical about how Molly approaches all of this is that they’re in the same room with each other, right? Ron and Harry are in the same room; Fred and George are in the same room; Hermione and Ginny are in the same room, so the fact that she thinks that Ginny is not going to learn anything from what happened downstairs is, in my opinion, comical. And then the way that she’s policing outside of the doors, trying to listen to see if there’s anything being said, it’s just… relax, Molly. Chill out. She is making me anxious reading this chapter.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Yeah. I’m so glad you called that out, Micah, because I felt the same way. I was like, “Does Molly not know how teenagers work?” And Camille in our Discord is calling that out as well and saying, “I kind of can’t believe Molly is telling teenagers to go to bed. You think that’s going to work?” Of course not, and it doesn’t. I mean, the second she leaves them, Fred and George Apparate into Harry and Ron’s room, and they’re going back and forth for a while until Molly comes around with her policing to make sure that nobody’s talking. [laughs] It’s just like… you’re not going to be able to avoid it. These are kids who are home from school for the summer; they don’t really have anything else to do except hang out with each other.

Eric and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: And this the first time they’re seeing each other, at least for Harry.

Laura: Right.

Eric: Well, and things are just getting interesting, right? This is the first time all summer I think they’ve had enough to talk about or to speculate about. And the thing of it is, they have to utilize this after-bed time, because it’s not like Molly is going to let them talk about it during the day either; she keeps them occupied during the day. So I did appreciate the sympathetic look we took toward Molly in the previous chapter discussion about how she’s just trying to control the things that she can control, because there’s so much that she can’t control, but in this chapter, it absolutely feels like overkill.

Laura: Yeah. I mean, I think it’s a good reminder that all people have stressors, and all people have stress behaviors that manifest when they’re going through something really bad, and I think this is Molly’s stress behavior. I think she’s trying to control the kids because in her mind, she’s keeping them safe, and they may not like it, and it may not be a perfect arrangement, but from her perspective, she’s thinking, “Well, if they stay alive, then that’ll be good enough.”

Eric: “I’ve done my job.” Yeah, that’ll justify… yeah, yeah. Em in our Discord says, “Molly doesn’t respect personal space or boundaries, and it’s kind of toxic sometimes.” I can get behind that. I complained about her cutting off Mundungus’s apology to Harry in the last chapter; that I felt was a branch too far. But Ariane Beth in our Discord says, “There’s this weird theme of safety in isolation that runs throughout the books, which the kids are constantly pushing back on. This is just another example.”

Laura: Ooh.

Eric: And that is a much broader view that I really love, actually, thinking about all the times in which Harry is out of bed at night. And we know why he’s doing it, that it’s accomplishing some goal that he has and doing good, but it’s unsafe, for starters, and Molly would hate it.

Laura: Yeah. Well, Molly is, at the very least – at the very least – trying to make Grimmauld Place livable for all of them, so she does enlist a small army of teenagers to help her deal with a Doxy infestation. I thought we could chat a little bit about the Doxies, and we’ll also get into, over the course of this discussion, some of the other things that they find in Grimmauld Place, because this place really is a treasure trove of little breadcrumbs for what is to come in the rest of the series. In this cleaning, Harry notices that Fred and George are trying to make off with one of the Doxies that has been stunned, basically.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: They’re using some kind of stunning spray. They have spray bottles, and they’re squirting these Doxies. The Doxies are paralyzed by this, not killed. And Fred and George, one of them – don’t remember who – is trying to stuff one of the Doxies in his pocket, and he tells Harry, “Yeah, we actually want to experiment with Doxy venom for our Skiving Snackboxes,” which we’re going to play a little game with later in this episode. But I just think it’s so funny to see the ingenuity at work from Fred and George. They confirm that right now they are their only test subjects for their materials…

Eric: Thank goodness.

Laura: … which is great. It’s not going to stay that way, though.

Eric: No.

Laura: And it definitely should raise eyebrows that they’re saying, “Yeah, we want to experiment with these edible candies we’re making with poison.” [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, well, a little bit of venom here and there, build up immunities, make you stronger. No, I like that they’re keeping an open mind as far as sourcing ingredients, though. They are not worldly yet; they’re still tied to a school year, so the fact that Grimmauld Place can provide these interesting substances like Doxy venom is something that… I like that they’re keeping an open mind and open to the idea of seeing if it’s anything worthwhile.

Micah: Yeah, and I think that it’s very brave on the part of Fred or George; again, I don’t… I’m not able to recall either which of the twins puts the Doxy into their pants, but it seems a very dangerous thing to do, because presumably those Doxies at some point in the future are going to be revived, [laughs] and it just seems like something you don’t want hanging around in your front pocket. Or your back pocket, for that matter.

Eric: Any pocket. They’ll nibble your buttocks off.

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Laura: Well, so that was kind of my question. I was like, “What do they do with them?” Because in this scene, they’re just piling these immobilized Doxies into a bucket, and I’m like, presumably, you’re doing something with them to make sure they don’t re-infest the home. What is that? Are we doing a capture/release program on the Doxies?

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: Let’s hope so.

Laura: I kind of doubt it, because they consider them household pests, right?

Eric: Right.

Micah: One thing I just wanted to bring up from earlier – and Eric, you were talking about this a bit – was that this idea of cleaning the house really does seem like a task to preoccupy the kids from actually doing other things, maybe exploring it. It’s busywork at the end of the day, but I do think – and we’ll get to talking about the tapestry and the Black family – that there is something to be said for cleansing a place that’s consumed by pure-blood mania.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: Oh, yeah. Decluttering feels amazing. It’s just not an appropriate headquarters until they’ve gotten a little further in than this, and it’s not really fit for habitation until they make sure they’re not breathing in clouds of whatever’s been there for ten years with a apparently dysfunctional house-elf that is possibly making matters worse, even. So I think that’s the real concern. And that’s kind of what kids are good for, that free, unpaid labor of it all.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: If you’re a parent with multiple kids at your disposal, it’s like, “Hey, why not clean the living room today?” I mean, you could make a game out of it. You could play music. Who knows?

Laura: Yeah. Well, for this particular cleaning assignment, they have to have antidote on hand because obviously, Doxy bites are poisonous. And Mrs. Weasley is kind of cavalier about it; she’s just like, “Yeah, we got antidote over here if anyone needs it,” because presumably these Doxies are going to go straight to the source of whatever is trying to paralyze them, and they’re going to bite. [laughs]

Eric: Presumably.

Laura: Also, over the course of this afternoon of cleaning – and it is a full afternoon of cleaning – Mundungus Fletcher shows back up and he rings the doorbell, which becomes somewhat of a theme this chapter. It seems like nobody who’s been to the Order before can remember not to ring the doorbell, because of course, that sets Mrs. Black’s portrait off and just creates total mayhem downstairs. But he not only shows up and does that; he shows up with a crap ton of the dodgy cauldrons that he ditched Harry’s security detail to obtain, and Molly is not having it. And honestly, when I was reminded of this, I was like, “Why don’t they wipe his memory and kick him out of the Order?” He’s a liability!

Eric: They need his skills. They need him to be this ill-reputable thief, this complete… I don’t even know what the word is for it. This complete ass. They need that because… so that’s why they put up with his… he has some redeeming qualities. He saves one of the Weasley kids – is it Ron? – from getting eaten by a sweater or cardigan in this chapter.

Laura: Yeah, but like, do we think nobody else would have saved him?

[Micah laughs]

Eric: I mean, Harry was just going to let him die. He’s still mad about the other stuff.

Laura: [laughs] “You ignored me all summer.”

[Eric laughs]

Micah: I’m trying to recall offhand: Throughout the series, has he ever had a shining moment where he’s come through outside of supposedly passing information along to the Order that is valuable information?

Eric: No, he kind of sucks.

Laura: I mean, I guess there’s something to be said for they’re in a phase where they can’t trust a lot of people, and you only have so many who are going to be willing to sign up for an anti-Voldemort resistance operation, especially when nobody in the wizarding world even knows or believes he’s back. So I guess this is one of those “Beggars can’t be choosers” moments about Order membership. [laughs] We do have a foreshadow alert.

[Foreshadowing sound effect plays]

Laura: There’s this mysterious locket that no one can open; that’s going to be huge in the next book, and even bigger when we get the full pay-off for the story at the end. So it’s just really crazy, and one of those Easter eggs that I always love picking up on when we’re doing these rereads are these blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moments of quick asides, quick mentions of things that end up becoming extremely consequential later on. And the fact that it’s here in this room that they’re trying to clean out – we also get quite a bit of interaction with Kreacher coming up soon – so just the fact that two big answers were actually right there staring them in the face. They just didn’t know the question to ask, right?

Eric: Exactly, yeah. Absolutely. It’s a shame Dumbledore isn’t around to help with the housecleaning because I bet if he were given the locket, it’d be like, “Yeah, we can’t seem to figure this out. Can you open this?” He would have figured it out, or taken it for further study.

Laura: Well, we’re going to get into all of that and much more in a moment, but first, I think I need to go check my curtains to make sure that we don’t have a Doxy infestation, so I’m going to go take care of that. While we’re gone, listen to these sponsors, and we’ll be right back.

[Ad break]

Laura: Okay, so there’s a portion of this whole cleaning in the chapter sequence where Harry and Sirius come upon “The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black” family tree, and I wanted to ask a question that might be controversial, Eric, so I apologize in advance.

Eric: Yeah, all right.

Laura: Do we feel like Sirius is being a little self-centered here? Because over the course of this conversation, Harry is clearly trying to relate to Sirius and both feeling like they’ve been prisoners in their homes, in their childhood homes where they were miserable all summer. But it kind of feels like Sirius is brooding so much on his own misfortune, he misses a genuine moment to connect with his godson.

Eric: I can see that, because at one point Harry restates his interest in moving in with Sirius, and Sirius is almost entirely oblivious to it. Gone is the joy he felt at the end of Book 3 when Harry suggests, and he’s like, “Wait, you would want that?” and it’s this amazing moment. Here, Harry flat out says, “After my hearing, if it doesn’t go well, I’d love to come back here. Anything’s better than Privet Drive.” And Sirius is like, “Ah, you’d hate it here. It sucks here.” So that’s an opportunity where his brooding is overtaking what could be a nice moment; I see that entirely. I think also, though, the fact of matter is Sirius has a lot of information about the context of this room, who’s on the tapestry; it’s just they’re not happy memories for him. It’s fascinating stuff, but he doesn’t necessarily… you’re not going to love talking about your cousins that are all evil, and various family members that were cool but then your mom struck them off the record. Sirius is having a hard time finding the joy in relating to Harry. I pick up that he likes to tell Harry this stuff, especially when he gets excited about being able to tell him that he went over to James’s when he moved out; that’s a touching moment, but the rest of the scene is entirely, like you’re saying, it’s lost on Sirius the joy of this moment because of the bad memories, and he’s kind of in his head.

Laura: Yeah. Well, and we get to hear a little bit more about the Potters as a family. Sirius says, “I was always welcome at Mr. and Mrs. Potters’ for Sunday dinner.” He talks about how it got to the point where he stayed with James’s family during school holidays, so they kind of adopted him… in fact, I think he says they kind of adopted him as a second son.

Eric: Yep.

Laura: So that just paints a really rosy picture of the family dynamic Harry never got to experience as a kid, and that is really sad. But speaking of families…

[Micah laughs]

Laura: … we do get introduced to Regulus Black on this family tapestry. Interestingly enough, his middle name is omitted from this, and I don’t know if that’s because he didn’t have a middle name at this point, or if it was an intentional choice to make sure that people didn’t connect the dots for what’s going to happen in the next book. But I feel like people already did that anyway, because that was the prevailing theory at the time, that R.A.B. was Regulus Black.

Eric: Regulus. I remember some of the earliest MuggleCasts have that theory, I think, which actually… oh, it wasn’t a theory; at that point it was confirmed because Regulus’s locket is opened at the end of Book 6, the fake one. Got it.

Laura: Right. Yeah, because the real one is right here in this room with them as they’re cleaning, right?

Eric: Or wait, it is until Book 7. Yes, but you’re right, Laura. Yeah, it’s not revealed to be… so the locket just says, “Signed R.A.B.,” so that sparked the… I remember thinking that it could have been Regulus, though.

Laura: Yeah, no, that was the note that he left in the locket.

Eric: Yeah, like, “Dear Dark Lord, neener-neener-neener.”

Laura: Yeah, basically.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: “I found your darkest secret.”

Micah: That would have been much better, actually.

Laura: That would have been funny.

Eric: It was pretty sassy, honestly. I mean, we love, I think… I love Regulus, and it’s amazing that Sirius has no capacity for love because they grew up years apart, and he was considered the perfect son by Black standards, which means they really didn’t have the same personality. They were probably more alike than each of them ever knew. One thing that strikes me – Laura, you mentioned Kreacher popping in and out – you really do have all the ingredients here for figuring out what happened. If anybody were to ask Kreacher, “Guy, can you tell me this story about this locket?” Or, “Do you know anything about it?” Or, “Speaking of Regulus, hey, Kreacher, when was the last time you saw Regulus?” There could have been a lot of character growth in a short amount of time. Would have ruined the whole series and the plot, but I find myself wanting this catharsis to come to Sirius, especially in a moment when he’s feeling down about his family, to find that his brother actually would have done a heroic act in defiance of Voldemort, would have been a really nice thing for Sirius to know about before he died.

Micah: Well, that is, in a way, the tragedy of Regulus, because we hear in this conversation that both of Sirius’s parents had died prior to them learning that Regulus went on to become a Death Eater, and Sirius points out that he’s sure that his parents would have been thrilled by that information. And on the flip side, Sirius dies prior to finding out that Regulus actually defied the Dark Lord and committed probably one of the biggest acts of bravery against him. But what I find so interesting about Regulus is that he’s another one of those characters, much like Draco, when they get in too far and they realize just how sinister Voldemort actually is, they can’t escape it.

Eric: Yeah, “This wasn’t like the brochure.”

Micah: Draco does to some extent, but Regulus couldn’t.

Laura: Yeah. I mean, Draco only escapes it because that mother’s love story came full circle with Narcissa, and Regulus didn’t have that opportunity. But we do get some good timeline information here. I don’t know that we’ve ever looked at it this way, but Harry notes that Regulus Black’s death is listed as some 15 years prior to this. So we know this takes place in 1995, so that would have meant Regulus died in 1980, which is the same year Harry was born. So does that mean that R.A.B. stole the locket the year that Harry was born? Or maybe he did it in advance, and ultimately he carried out his mission near when Harry was born. I guess I’m just wondering, where does this fit in the timeline in relation to Snape overhearing the prophecy?

Eric: God, what a great question. Yeah, maybe Snape would have heard the prophecy a few months before Regulus did his thing, though they aren’t necessarily connected, because Regulus never made it out of that cave, so no one knew he was going in there to begin with. But I love the idea that Voldemort’s deepest, darkest secret was found out a month or two before he was killed.

Laura: Yeah. I just… and I mean, it’s sad too, but I like the fact that there were actually multiple inside efforts in Voldemort’s inner circle to try and overthrow him; they just didn’t recognize each other. Snape, of course… I don’t know why Regulus reached the point where he wanted to turn coat; Snape did it purely out of self-interest, but at the end of the day, you had two people very close to Voldemort who made the conscious choice to go on their own and try to overthrow the guy. And I mean, who knows if they had communicated with each other, with their powers combined, could have been different.

Eric: Yeah, neither of them sat back and waited for a lucrative book deal to do their work against.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: So that’s kind of cool of each of them.

Laura: Wow. Are you saying that they have more ethics than people who sit back and wait for book deals?

Eric: Bob Woodward? Absolutely.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yes. Anyway.

Laura: Yeah, would have been useful information. But at any rate, when we’re looking at this tapestry as well, we do get this reminder that all pure-blood wizard families are related, and this is something we touch on from time to time. But the way Sirius describes it here is so matter of fact, and I think that’s an important takeaway to have, that there is this pure-blood society that’s basically saying, “Yeah, we’re going to get kind of incestuous within ourselves to stay pure.” [laughs]

Eric: To keep it pure.

Laura: And I mean, that’s historically accurate. I mean, you look at royal families at a certain point in history, and they were keeping it all in the family, literally. So it’s an intentional choice, but it’s funny because not every relative of the Black family is listed here. The Weasleys don’t even make the cut. There are members of the family that are just simply blasted off the tapestry because they’ve become traitors. But yeah, Molly and Arthur never end up on here. I don’t think there’s anyone with the last name Weasley on this tapestry. [laughs]

Eric: No, no, but maybe their ancestors were… maybe they’re such blood traitors that their grandfather’s grandfather was a blood traitor, and so he was blasted off way at the top.

Micah: It would be interesting to see if Prewett was on there anywhere, though.

Eric: Yeah, I was thinking about that.

Laura: Yeah, I kind of wish we had an official version of this family tree.

Micah: I want to say it was on… a website.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: It might have been on JKRowling.com at some point; she wrote it out. Does that sound familiar at all?

Laura: Maybe.

Micah: Maybe the Discord can check me on that.

Eric: What I keep thinking about is the notebook paper that had the various chapters of Book 5 and how different things related to each other in a circle. That was on Rowling.com at one point.

Micah: Yeah. Laura, also, when you were talking about the fact that there are so many breadcrumbs in this chapter, there is one that comes out of this moment too. There’s probably several as Sirius is talking Harry through the family tree, but I’m thinking about when Neville’s parents pop into Harry’s mind because of the mention of Bellatrix Lestrange. He’s able to recall back to that moment where he was inside of the memory in Goblet of Fire during Barty Crouch, Jr.’s trial, and while it’s not explicitly stated here, he seems to remember her name for explicitly the reason of the torture of the Longbottoms, and that comes into play later on in this book because Harry is able to actually meet… not meet, but walks in on Neville and his grandmother with Frank and Alice in St. Mungo’s.

Eric: It’s really doing… for such a low-key or not well-stated moment in the books, it’s doing double and triple duty, because Sirius also tells Harry that anyone on this tapestry Kreacher would be loyal to, so the Bellatrix being on there is double and triple duty. It works on so many levels.

Laura: Right. It’s so interesting, too, because Harry, of course, when he makes the connection about all these families being interrelated, he kind of gasps, and he’s like, “You’re related to the Malfoys!” And I found myself thinking, “Well, Harry, you probably are, too, because your dad was a pure-blood, so presumably the Potters were interrelated with all the other pure-blood families. So yeah, you probably are related to the Malfoys.” And I mean, we know he’s distantly related to Voldemort.

Eric: Yeah. This is the extrapolation of that, I think, very good line from Hagrid that’s in Chamber of Secrets, right? Where it’s like, “There’s not a wizard alive who’s not half or less.” It’s like, literally, because all of this inbreeding and inter-marrying of cousins.

Micah: One of the things that I wanted to bring up was the Black family motto that’s on this tapestry, “Toujours pur.” I think it’s notable that Mr. and Mrs. Black were subscribed to Voldemort’s way of thinking, but wouldn’t go so far themselves as to become Death Eaters or part of his inner circle. I think Sirius calls that out specifically, basically that they support the way of thinking, but they’re not willing to actually step into the ring.

Eric: They sat out this election.

Micah: Yeah, exactly. And I wonder, does that show that there’s a bit of middle ground even amongst a family that is pure-blood? I’m not saying that they were good people by any stretch, [laughs] with some of the things that Mrs. Black is screaming when the doorbell rings all the time… which, by the way, I think is a reminder to all of us and to the members of the Order of where they are and whose house they’re in, and what that means and what that represents. I think that’s why the doorbell keeps getting rung over and over again; it’s the author’s way of reminding all of us that there’s danger inside of the house. As much cleaning as they may do, this is still home to a dark, pure-blood family.

Eric: Yeah, and that aunt of Sirius’s that started the tradition of beheading the house-elf and all of that is in this chapter, and you’re like, “This place is dark. These are dark people.” But yeah, the idea that Regulus was the only straight-up Death Eater of the group does speak to Sirius’s own line of “The world is not divided into good people and Death Eaters.”

Micah: It does say something, though, about the Black family that their motto is “Always pure.” I mean, it’s pretty intense. There’s no cutting corners on that one. [laughs]

Laura: No, but it’s also… I mean, it’s a lie, right? I mean, you just brought up the great point that Hagrid raised, and it’s the kind of thing that you see in the real world, too, when people take pride in certain genetics and they want to claim beyond a shadow of a doubt that they know, back to the start of time, what their exact genealogy is. And a lot of times you don’t know, and people sometimes take their Ancestry or their 23andMe and they get surprised to learn, “Oh, I guess I just hate myself.”

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Laura: But yeah, I think that this book in particular really drives home a lot of the real world consequences and attitudes that emerge in this type of environment.

Micah: Right. And I do think it’s a lesson for Harry, too; as he’s talking with Sirius, I think he’s learning a lot about the wizarding world. He’s learning a lot about wizarding families. I think up until this point, for the most part, it’s been very clear cut, right? You have Malfoy. Malfoy is bad. His father’s bad; his mother’s bad. You have the Weasleys; for the most part, they’re all good. Ron is good, Fred and George… on and on you go. But now the waters are starting to get a little bit more murky when he looks up and sees this tapestry and all these different people and how they’re interrelated to each other; they’re all part of the same family. It goes to what, Eric, we said earlier, that the world isn’t divided into good people and Death Eaters, and I think that’s a huge lesson for Harry here too. It’s not just, “One family; this is who they are. They’re good or they’re not good.” Everything is kind of mixed together here.

Eric: I just learned that Walburga Black’s maiden name is most likely Rosier.

Laura: Ohh, interesting.

Eric: Or at least Bellatrix and Narcissa and Andromeda… or not Andromeda. Wait, who’s…? Yeah, Andromeda. Their father was, I think… or no, their mother was Druella Rosier, so they’re Rosiers.

Laura: Interesting.

Eric: I’m looking… so the HP Wikia, by the way, our listeners provided.

Laura: It does have it. Great. Thanks for sending that, y’all.

Eric: Sirius and Regulus’s father’s name was Orion. That’s kind of cool. It’s another star…

Micah: They’re playing on these constellations way too much. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Micah: The Black family.

Laura: It’s the first and last cool thing about him, apparently. But while we’re talking about some of these disturbing trends and themes and breadcrumbs and foreshadowing, let’s talk about Kreacher, because we get to spend some time with Kreacher. And my initial thought upon reading this is… I was like, is it not alarming to anyone that Kreacher basically already predicted the ending of this story? When he says… because Sirius claims that he’s going to kick him out, and Kreacher starts talking about himself in the third person and saying, “Oh, well, you can’t kick Kreacher out, because then Kreacher could go and share all of your plans to try and defeat the Dark Lord.”

[Micah laughs]

Laura: He basically tells us what’s going to happen. So I’m wondering does Kreacher have an inkling that this might come to pass? And is he goading Sirius intentionally to try and make that happen?

Eric: Ohh. I think it’s clear that Sirius has no love for Kreacher. It is one of his character flaws, his… no ability to reckon with him. And it’s also clear that Kreacher fantasizes about being closer to a Black cousin that is not a Muggle lover, so I think the pieces are there for sure.

Micah: I agree, and Kreacher is a reflection of this house; he is the embodiment of Grimmauld Place. And that said, I do think that Sirius… it’s not that he wrongly associates, but it’s not the full story when he really is saying that Kreacher’s behavior is a result of him being locked up in Grimmauld Place all these years. I think that’s partly true, but Kreacher has been damaged. He’s been damaged by the cave potion; he’s been damaged by the Horcrux locket; he’s been damaged by losing Regulus. And Laura, when you were talking about how he was referring to himself in the third person, as I was reading through this chapter, I kept saying to myself, “Who does Kreacher remind me of?” And it finally clicked, that he’s so like Gollum from Lord of the Rings.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Micah: He behaves almost identically to him. And if you want to kind of… locket/ring comparisons, I definitely think that there’s something there. Now, I don’t know that the author was a huge Tolkien fan, or that she was…

Laura: She was.

Micah: She was, okay. So I mean, there’s possibility that she drew upon Gollum to inspire Kreacher.

Laura: Yeah, I think there’s a lot of overlap and a lot of inspiration there. I think that’s a safe bet.

Eric: What I love about something that Michelle just said in our Discord is that “It’s so interesting that they are all Kreachers of that house, but they each went their different ways and made different choices. It is understandable that Kreacher is damaged; they all were. It’s just so interesting to see the diversity.” I agree with that. The Black family are each unique, I think, in their personality, despite all coming from the same house.

Laura: As we move on towards the end of the chapter, Harry actually gets a little bit of a reprieve from all the cleaning and all the worrying that he has about his upcoming trial, because sometimes certain members of the Order will hang out with them around the house to help with things. Tonks is one such person. And what I love about this is it also mentions, in the same large paragraph, that Remus was also staying at the Order of the Phoenix. He would go away for long periods of time on missions, but he was staying there. And I was like, were they just keeping things quiet at this point, or did the other adults know and just not mention anything?

Eric: About…?

Laura: About Remus and Tonks.

Eric: Oh, I thought that was… I thought something else entirely was happening here. Because doesn’t it say that when Remus comes, he stays with Sirius?

Micah: That’s what I found interesting reading that.

Eric: I was like, “Wolfstar!” [laughs]

Laura: Oh, yeah. No, I mean, that’s another way to read it, too. But knowing the way that the story goes.

Eric: Oh, right. You have to bring canon into this? Come on.

Laura: Yeah, I know, I know, it’s so boring. Listen, the Wolfstar read is way more interesting. [laughs]

Eric: I love it. But this would be where Tonks and Lupin are getting the most of each other’s company, for sure, during these little cleaning sessions, even. Or dinner, during dinners.

Laura: Yeah, during dinners. I mean, and then it’s mentioned at least once that Tonks is there helping them to get a particularly nasty ghoul out of there. But yeah, I just found it interesting, and I thought that this could be one of those really cool opportunities for fanfiction to fill in the gaps here. What was going on from Remus and Tonks’s perspectives during this time? Was their romance already starting?

Eric: I definitely wonder. I think it wouldn’t have evolved into something as close to romance until later, because Remus wouldn’t allow it; he’s not open to that kind of a thing, and it’s only after persistence that he would realize he does have feelings for Tonks as well, is my read on that.

Laura: Yeah. Remind me, when does Snape tell Tonks that her Patronus is weak? Is that this book, or the next one?

Eric: Isn’t it after the train? It’s the next one. And I’m not sure if it’s September 1, after Harry has got his nose smashed and all that, or if it’s later that year as she’s guarding the school, and Harry happens to… I think it’s probably way later, so maybe Christmas of next year.

Laura: Yeah, probably. At any rate, I think this is where it started.

Eric: Fair enough.

Laura: I think it all started this summer.

Micah: That’s why the doorbell kept getting rung.

Laura: [laughs] I mean, I think Tonks is smart enough not to do that. She will knock over the damn umbrella stand every time she comes in.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: I was surprised that she didn’t botch something when she was helping out cleaning in this chapter. I was waiting for that to happen.

Laura: Yeah, I don’t know. Maybe as a writing device it had already been used too many times.

Eric: Maybe, yeah.

Laura: Well, we kind of are left on a foreboding note at the end of this chapter because Harry is suddenly jerked back to reality when Mrs. Weasley is like, “Hey, just a reminder, your trial’s tomorrow, and you’re going to go to work with Arthur. I ironed out your best clothes, so you need to eat and go to bed.” And what worse feeling for a 15-year-old who’s on their summer break, [laughs] than to have just been reunited with his friends and finally feeling normal, and then boom, “You’ve got to go to your trial tomorrow.”

Eric: Plus he finds out that Dumbledore has been there but gone away, too, and I’m like, “Man, again?”

Laura: Well, and it was even… the excuse was “You were sleeping” or something. “You were occupied.”

Eric: [laughs] “Oh, I guess I missed my chance.”

Laura: Yeah, like, “Excuse me? No, you should have come and woken me up so I could talk to this man. I got a bone to pick.” [laughs]

[Ad break]


Lynx Line


Laura: But anyway, we will see how Harry’s trial goes in our next Chapter by Chapter installment. But for now, we are going to turn to our Lynx Line. This is our newest benefit on Patreon; thank you so much to all of us who support us over there. This is a benefit where we will ask our Slug Club patrons a question pertaining to either our discussion that week or pertaining specifically to the chapter, and the question that we asked was, “You have to pick one item from the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black to display in your home. What is your choice?”

Eric: First one comes from Carlee, who says,

“I think I’d take the music box that makes people sleep. My husband has chronic insomnia, and sometimes it keeps me from sleeping. Plus, when my 6-year-old won’t sleep, Mama has a little trick up her sleeve! This is, of course, assuming the music box only makes you sleep and doesn’t do anything more nefarious.”

I agree, this would be… I kind of slated this for something I would want to take with me. Also, creepy music boxes are creepy; perfect for this season we just got out of.

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Laura: Also, props to Ginny here, right? Because she’s the only one who has enough sense to snap the box shut when they all start getting drowsy and sleepy.

Eric: Yeah, I’m so glad that you caught that moment of Ginny’s triumph there, Laura, and gave her her flowers.

Laura: Honestly, I think Ginny is a great character who didn’t get enough moments like that in the series. I think I would have enjoyed her a lot more if she had.

Eric: Fair enough.

Micah: Zach says,

“The portrait of Phineas Nigellus Black. I would love to pester him daily about that potion he needed in Hogwarts Legacy.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Oh my God. He’s not going to talk about it. He’s never going to talk about it.

Laura: Oh, man. Oh, how fun would it be if they cast Simon Pegg to play Phineas Nigellus Black in the TV show?

Eric: Oh, absolutely. 100%.

Laura: Oh, God, that would be incredible. And they could include… maybe this is how they can include game lore in the show.

Eric: Oh, that would be so good. But not till, like, Season 8, right? Or Season 5?

Laura: Yeah, but the funny thing is they can show Phineas and he can be seated, and he can be shifting uncomfortably in his chair to give a hint about what it was he was using that potion for. [laughs] Our next one comes from Rachel, who says,

“The family tree would be so cool! I don’t remember if there was any kind of grandfather clock, but I’d be interested in that if so.”

Yeah, that’s a good one. Yeah, the family tree is cool.

Eric: Definitely agree. Ashley says, “The coughing wastebasket.” No explanation given, so we’re left to speculate on that.

Micah: That would get annoying really quickly, though.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Michael says,

“I think they had a piano that didn’t seem to be nefarious in any way, so I’ll please take that, thank you very much.”

Laura: That’s what you think, Michael. Basically everything that is in the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black is haunted automatically, bare minimum.

Eric: There was a ghoul in a toilet upstairs. What’s that doing there?

Micah: It’s a bidet.

Laura: I mean, it’s not the first time we’ve heard of a ghoul in a toilet in this series.

Eric: Fair enough.

Laura: Next one comes from Eleanor, who also says,

“Family tree. It’s very cool both in concept and design from the film. I also really like the fact that it proves that even in a ‘bad’ family – pure-blood mania and Death Eater support – there are people who turn their backs on that. What Dumbledore said is true: There’s light and dark in all of us.”

Yeah, absolutely, just like what we were touching on about Regulus earlier in this discussion.

Eric: Kayde also says, “The creepy music box. Not sure what that says about me as a person.” Kayde, you’re all right. Like I said, I would go for that one too.

Laura: Yeah, I think it’s fun.

Micah: Leah also likes the family tree.

“I already purchased it and display it in my living room as a throw pillow. Thanks, MinaLima!”

Eric: Oh, that would be a very comfortable pillow.

Laura: Yeah. No, that’s very cool. And I mean, you can’t go wrong with MinaLima either.

Eric: Right.

Micah: I wonder, did you burn cigarette butts into it to make it more authentic?

Eric: [laughs] Distressed.

Laura: I mean, I would hope that it would come with that already on there; I feel like that’s a major part of the aesthetic. Cassandra says,

“I would like my house to have the Black house’s ability to hide in the neighborhood, to be unplottable.”

Yeah, I love that idea.

Eric: Yeah, it’s pretty… and I believe that that probably wouldn’t have been a thing until the Order took it over, or was it? Do we think that that’s unique to Dumbledore’s Secret-Keeping here?

Laura: Honestly, I think it was already unplottable because Sirius mentioned that it was the perfect location for headquarters because his father had put so many different protection charms on it.

Eric: Oh, that’s right! See, you’ve changed my mind, because I would have thought… I always associate the Fidelius Charm with Dumbledore because that’s exactly what he suggested Lily and James do, but that doesn’t… yeah, I mean, you would also think that Orion Black would know some stuff, so that’s cool. Yeah, okay. Julianne says,

“I’d take the writing desk with the boggart inside. Would certainly liven up my work days.”

I feel like there’s a fun, quirky sense of humor to these Lynx Line replies. You’re kidnapping a boggart just for an interesting afternoon.

Laura: [laughs] Can boggarts experience trauma?

Eric: Boggarts are trauma.

Laura: True. Can trauma experience trauma? Oooh.

Eric: Let’s not get… yes, and I’m living it right now.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Ning has an interesting one.

“The portrait of Mrs. Black. It’s how I’m scaring off those pesky door-to-door salespeople/scammers/burglars.”

Laura: That’ll do it for sure.

Micah: You might just want to put a filter on her, though, because she may get you in a little bit of trouble.

Eric: Oh, yeah. Jump ahead to Chelsea, who says, “One of Sirius’s bikini-clad woman posters.” I bet they’re vintage. They were in 20 years ago.

Laura: Honestly, I found this to be such an interesting piece of context about his character, because presumably these are Muggle women, I’m guessing.

Eric: [laughs] Maybe that’s why his family…

Laura: Maybe that’s why they were like, “Get out.” [laughs]

Eric: The only thing more controversial than your son looking at a calendar of scantily clad women is if they’re Muggle women!

Laura: Well, because I don’t recall that we ever see anything like this in the wizarding world, really.

Eric: Like if Witch Weekly has a bikini calendar or something? Yeah, I don’t know.

Micah: Oh, it’s got to exist. [laughs] But I don’t know if we can talk about it right now.

Laura: Yeah, probably not.

Eric: Playwiz.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Laura: Playwiz, oh my God.

Micah: Broc wants to know,

“Is Kreacher an option? Having some help with chores would be a hell of a convenience. And after you warm up to him, you know he has some mad stories to tell.”

Eric: Yeah, agreed with that.

Laura: Yeah. I mean, honestly, Kreacher is not doing too well here, so Broc, if you wanted to treat him as a roommate, I think you could really move the needle for sure.

Eric: Agreed.

Laura: [laughs] Catherine says, “I don’t know about ‘display,’ but does Buckbeak count?”

Eric: Yeah, Buckbeak is upstairs. That was a good catch.

Laura: Yeah, that was a good catch. I think we said items, though, right?

Eric: Yeah, so maybe the bag of treats for Buckbeak.

Laura: Yeah, there you go.

Eric: And then if you put them out…

Laura: Oh, the bag of dead rats. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Laura: Well, thanks so much to all of our patrons who participated in this week’s – and every week’s – Lynx Line. I did want to pose a question to the panel now. We didn’t talk a ton about the variety of Skiving Snackboxes that Fred and George are getting into, but we do learn about a couple of them this chapter. So I wanted to ask, which joke candy would we be willing to try to get out of something we don’t want to do? And your options are Puking Pastilles, Fainting Fancies, or Nosebleed Nougat.

Eric: This is like that game FMK because there’s one I would never choose, which is the Puking Pastille. I just feel like that is not a pleasant feeling. None of them are pleasant. Having a nosebleed is not pleasant. I’m choosing the least annoying option, which is still pretty dangerous, but not in a wizarding world where they can heal your bones. Fainting Fancies would be my choice.

Laura: Oh, that would be so scary to me.

Eric: You ever just want to disconnect, unplug, lose consciousness?

Laura: I mean, but losing consciousness, I don’t know if I want that.

Eric: I’ll take it.

Laura: But I understand not wanting to puke.

Eric: Yeah, and I had nosebleeds a lot as a kid.

Laura: Oh, I see. See, I didn’t; I’ve never been someone to have a lot of nosebleeds, so I chose Nosebleed Nougat.

Eric: I can see how that would be a novelty.

Laura: Yeah. Well, also, I mean, I have had them before and they’ve never been severe for me, so I guess that’s what I’m comparing it to.

Eric: Yeah, like, what seems the least severe? Absolutely.

Laura: What about you, Micah? We’re doing, like, suffering Olympics over here with our Skiving Snackboxes. [laughs]

Micah: I’m trying to think, what’s the one most likely to get you out of class with least suspicion?

Eric: Oh.

Laura: Probably puking.

Eric: Yeah, because they want you out.

Laura: Nobody can argue with that.

Micah: That is true. None of these widely appeal to me.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: They’re not supposed to!

Laura: You don’t say.

Micah: It’s funny because one could lead to the other. If you bleed enough from your nose, you could get a little bit faint, or you could puke as a result of it. So yeah, if I had to pick one, I’d probably go with the Puking Pastilles.

Laura: Yeah. Well, and don’t forget, y’all, there is an escape plan that comes with these. Remember, they’re two-tabbed candies. You take one to bring your illness on, and as soon as you are away from any parties who could witness you doing so, you can take the other half and you’ll be right as rain, so no more puking, no more nosebleed, no more fainting. Although, I don’t know how that works with the fainting, because if you faint, how do you…?

Eric: You kind of come to and then you’re in the hospital wing… yeah, I don’t know. Maybe you have some of your afternoon back, maybe not. Asterisk, though, Fred and George are still working on fixing the puking thing.

Laura: Yes. Yeah, they are, and we’re going to get to see them test it out in not too many moons here. [laughs]

Eric: Well, so the one that’s not mentioned, that apparently is also confirmed, is Fever Fudge.

Laura: Ah, yeah, yeah.

Eric: That’s the best one, because first of all, it’s fudge. And also, you just have to be ill enough, present ill enough to get out of class. So if you feel your forehead, you’re like, “Oh…” Teacher says, “Oh, you’re so hot, you’re burning up…”

Laura: Yeah, that’s true.

Eric: And then you leave. But getting a fever can be pretty dangerous.

Laura: Yeah. No, that’s true. That’s true. I think I left it out because I hate getting fevers.

Eric: Oh, there’s that.

Laura: Yeah, we don’t hear about it yet, but we do find out about it later. Well, thanks so much for taking part in my particular spin on the weekly question. We like to mix it up here on the show. Instead of leaning into the old MVP of the Week format, we want to ask each other a specific question about the chapter.

Eric: I love that.

Laura: If you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com.


Quizzitch


Laura: And now it is time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question: How many Halloween feasts do we see Harry attend during his time at Hogwarts? And the correct answer was three, as a matter of fact! He misses the second year Halloween feast because he’s at the deathday party, and he attends the first, the third, and the fourth years, but after that, they never mention them again. 75% of people said they didn’t look it up. They got the correct answer. Congratulations to these winners: Buff Daddy; Ben; Educational Decree Number 31, Halloween feasts will hereby be disbanded… which is pretty much what happened. Elizabeth K.; Pilbus Dumbledough; Spooky Scary Slytherin; Stubby Boardman’s biggest fan; and Whipped Aquafaba. Think we’ll go with that. Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: So a lot of talk about Doxies in this chapter. In the Sorcerer’s Stone PC game, what spell do you primarily use to deal with Doxies? It’s one of the classics of old video gaming. Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or if you’re already on the website, maybe reading transcripts, checking out our must listens page, a.k.a. the Hall of Fame, just click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Laura: You know, Eric, I actually have a copy of the OG Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone for PS1 that Marc got for me as a gift…

Eric: Aww.

Laura: … and I am going to be playing it soon, and y’all might…

Eric: You should submit your Quizzitch answer.

Laura: Yeah, so I’m going to have to go back and see if I can get the answer to this, because I don’t remember.

Eric: They go to the greenhouses, I think, is when you first meet them.

Laura: Oh, okay, okay. Well, I’m looking forward to sitting down and playing that game and Flipendo-ing everything, because that’s all I remember from that game. [laughs]

Eric:Flipendo!

Micah: You can’t Avada Kedavra them, can you?

Laura: No, you can’t.

Eric: No. You have to really mean it.

Laura: And that is where Hogwarts Legacy is superior.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: Oh, man. As a reminder, everyone listening, listener support is the only reason we’ve been able to podcast 19 years later, and there are, in fact, three great ways to help us out. If you are an Apple Podcasts user, please subscribe to MuggleCast Gold, which gets you instant access to ad-free and early releases of MuggleCast, plus – as our Patreon too – two bonus MuggleCast installments every month, and October’s were both very spooky. For even more benefits – and this is the best way to support us – pledge at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. You’ll get the benefits of MuggleCast Gold, plus livestreams, yearly stickers, Lynx Line participation, physical gift, a video message from one of the four of us made just for you, our private Facebook and Discord groups where you can hang out with fellow Potter fans, and so much more. And once again, please visit MuggleCastMerch.com. It’s the giving season, and it’s all of our brand new one-off merchandise that has never been seen before. It’s exclusive for you. And if you enjoy MuggleCast and think other Muggles would too, please tell a friend about the show, and leave a five star review on your favorite podcast app. And we’re excited to get to Chapter by Chapter next week, Chapter 7, “The Ministry of Magic.”

Laura: Looking forward to it. Thanks so much, y’all.

Eric: Bye.

Laura: Bye, everybody.

Micah: Bye.

Transcript #681

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #681, Should We Feel Sorry for Petunia Dursley? And more MuggleMail


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the Wizarding World fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: This week there’s no tricks, only treats.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: We’re recording on Halloween, as we’re busting open our Muggle Mailbag to take your questions on all things Harry Potter and our recent Chapter by Chapter discussions. I’m currently dressed as a podcaster for Halloween. Did you y’all see that? I’m wearing headphones; I’m wearing my MuggleCap.

Eric: [laughs] It’s honestly one of the best costumes you’ve ever had.

Micah: It’s a good look. I like it.

Andrew: Laura and Micah are actually dressed as voters, which is really sweet.

Micah: [laughs] We planned it.

Andrew: This episode is being released on Election Day. If you haven’t voted, Americans, make sure you go out and vote. And a reminder to everybody that the MuggleCap and other merchandise from MuggleCast is available in our recently launched MuggleCast merch store at MuggleCastMerch.com. We have T-shirts, we have sweaters, we have hoodies, we have hats, we have glassware, so check it all out. We do ship worldwide. A great holiday gift idea for people, if you’re looking for things for the wishlist. And once you receive your merch, be sure to tag us on social media, and we will share it. Thanks, everybody. It’s a great new way to support the show.

Eric: Yeah, already seen a lot of pics come in; people got their merchandise. Very, very good. It’s very touching, and they like it a lot.

Micah: And speaking of seeing a lot of things coming in, I’ve seen several of our patrons post about receiving their MuggleCast Collectors Club stickers.

Eric: Oooh.

Micah: They’ve gone out in the mail, so if you haven’t yet received them, keep an eye out for an owl that will be headed your way in the next couple of days.

Andrew: Micah, did you have to clean up a lot of owl poop in your owlery when you were shipping all those out?

Micah: Well, no, because it’s unseasonably warm here in New York; they were actually all just hanging out in the backyard, and so I didn’t have to worry about cleaning up anything at all. I just took all the post outside, and they just took off without any issue.

Eric: Love it.

Andrew: That’s great. Do you speak to the owls?

Micah: Of course.

Andrew: Do you go “Hoo-hoo”?

Micah: Well, no, they don’t like that. They find that patronizing if I actually have a conversation with them.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Yeah, it’s true. If you try and speak owl with a Long Island accent, it’s kind of offensive to them.

Laura: Andrew, I’m pretty sure you just insulted all owls’ mothers in owl hooting, so watch out.

Andrew: [laughs] Oh, they hated… one time I was sending stuff by owl, and they hated when I was going, “Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? Who?”

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Well, I hate that, too.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Fun fact about that song: It was the first song I ever downloaded on Napster.

Eric: Aww.

Andrew: Well, anyway, speaking of patrons, they have access to an exclusive Facebook group, and in it, one of our listeners, Brittney, organizes an annual holiday gift exchange, so patrons, don’t miss out. You can join the group at Facebook.com/groups/MuggleCastPatrons. You can also just search for it on Facebook. If you’re not a patron yet, it’s a great way to share some Harry Potter joy with fellow listeners each holiday season.


Muggle Mail


Andrew: So without further ado, let’s get into our Muggle Mail episode, and we’re going to start with a couple of voicemails. This first one is from Heather concerning the Cursed Child.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hi, I’m Heather. I’ve been a MuggleCast listener since 2006, and I have a response to your graveyard episode where you discuss the shortening runtime of Cursed Child on stage. I saw the Chicago version just a few days ago, and then last year, I also saw the London version, which is a two-parter with two and a half hours, then a two hour intermission, then two and a half more hours. And the thing I observed was the audience, how in the London production, it was almost all adults, and how in the Chicago production, it was almost all families with small children. So yes, I do agree with Laura that this was a corporate decision, because making accommodations for families with children who may not be able to sit still for five hours opens up an entirely new market of sales for the Cursed Child production.”

[Voicemail ends]

Andrew: I mean, you think about a typical children’s movie, too; think about a Pixar movie. They’re what, an hour 45 minutes or so? Because they know kids don’t have the attention span. And I remember when we were talking about Cursed Child in its earliest days, one of our concerns was that a two-part show is a big commitment for somebody traveling to New York or London. I mean, you have to stay overnight, potentially, just to see the entire show, and that’s kind of ridiculous.

Micah: It is. I do like the point that Heather is making, though, in that maybe they are trying to appeal to a more family friendly audience with this Broadway show. When I saw Cursed Child just a couple weeks ago, I did notice more families there than maybe I would have otherwise anticipated. But it does make sense if you’re going to a two-part show, like the one that’s still in the West End of London, the chances of you taking a young child to that is relatively low because they’re not going to be able to sit through that long of a show. So I would, though, just add to that that I do think the visual effects probably entertain the kids much more than maybe what would go on in your normal Broadway show, because there is so much magic; there is so much fun stuff that’s happening in the theater. I don’t know that you necessarily get that with, let’s say, Aladdin or The Lion King, to try and maybe compare to something you might take a young kid to go see.

Andrew: All right, let’s listen to our other voicemail from Mikaela, concerning Hermione and grad school.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hi, MuggleCast. I thought you guys would appreciate this: I’m in the first year of my master’s program, and we have this project where we have to pick a fictional character to do a bio psychosocial assessment on, and I picked Hermione, so I’m getting to go very in-depth on Hermione’s character, and drawing on lots of MuggleCast episodes that I’ve listened to. But I appreciate you guys, and I love the podcast, and thanks for everything you do.”

[Voicemail ends]

Andrew: Aww, that’s awesome. Glad to hear that the show’s helping.

Eric: Very cool.

Laura: Yeah, that’s amazing. Congrats on pursuing your graduate degree.

Micah: Very cool. I wonder how many papers, reports we’ve been cited in over the years.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: I don’t know, but I have one book on podcasting that cited us that I keep behind me.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. There it is.

Andrew: Career Building Through Podcasting.

Eric: You had that in reach.

Andrew: This little book for high schoolers. Yeah, I think it’s kind of cool to have on display.

Eric: It’s pretty cool.

Micah: I’m curious, is podcast now an acceptable medium to cite in a report?

Laura: Yes.

Micah: It is?

Eric: Yeah, it has to be.

Laura: Yeah, it is. Now, there are lots of things that are acceptable to cite, and plenty of things that can be cited are not necessarily the best resources. But yeah, you can definitely cite podcasts, and ours is an excellent resource if you’re writing a paper about Harry Potter. [laughs]

Micah: Oh, 100%.

Eric: If anyone wants to write a thesis and include us and mention us by name, send it to us and we’ll send you a free T-shirt.

Micah: Well, that’s also why it’s so great that we have transcripts. Shout-out to Meg.

Eric: It is! Yeah, yeah, and all the latest episodes, as well as, I think at this point, all of the must listens on the Wall of Fame are all covered.

Micah: Wow. All right, well, let’s bust open this Muggle Mailbag. Laura, it’s your job this time.

Laura: All right. Well, getting into the mail bag, our first message comes from Julian, who writes in on the Wizengamot. And Julian says,

“Hey, y’all’s. Since you are on Order of the Phoenix, we will be hearing about the Wizengamot. I never once thought about the word, just accepting it as a wizarding world word, but about a year ago I decided to move to England, and with this move, learn a bit about English history, as it is also a little bit of my history. Long story short, it is derived from the word witenagamot. A witenagamot is a meeting of the witan. The witan is basically the king’s council around about 800-1000 AD. It was composed of noblemen and important people of the church at the time. They would come together from time to time to discuss happenings and give the king advice, and at times, even decide on lines of succession. Think of a bigger version of the small council in Game of Thrones, that meets a lot less often. Suddenly there feels to be more context of the word rooted in Muggle reality. If you want to delve even deeper, I highly recommend The British History Podcast, especially Episode 199 which covers the witan. But the interesting thing about the podcast as a whole is that every once in a while you see a bit of the wizarding world peppered in there. Shhh, the Muggles still haven’t figured it out yet. Thanks for all the hard work.”

Andrew: That’s awesome.

Laura: Julian, that is such a cool observation. I had no idea about that. Thank you for educating us.

Eric: It makes sense, too, that you would have… I think it was a progenitor to the modern day House of Lords in British Parliament, when I was researching, and yeah, it’s really good stuff. It makes sense to give noblemen stakes in your kingdom so that they support your laws, and for Fudge, I really wonder what that council is tasked with enforcing or doing for the Ministry, but that makes it… I think it lends even more important context to what Dumbledore’s risk was in telling all the members of the Wizengamot that Voldemort had returned.

Andrew: I think we could consider this a name origin.

[Name origin sound effect plays]

Laura: Yeah, I think so.

Andrew: Whoa!

Micah: I’m not even sure we had that one on the name origin section of MuggleNet back when I was managing it, many years ago.

Eric: I’ll update it right now.

Micah: Please do.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: But yeah, very cool, Julian. Our next email comes from Kayla on Harry the hormonal Horcrux, and she says,

“In Episode 675 (Chapter 1 of Order of the Phoenix), you all were discussing Harry’s feelings of jealousy, isolation, and frustration while being stuck at the Dursleys’, and trying to decide if those feelings were being caused by the Horcrux. What I found interesting is that those are all the exact feelings Ron was experiencing in Deathly Hallows which caused him to leave Harry and Hermione. The circumstances were also very similar in that he felt like Harry was withholding information from him and that Harry and Hermione were spending more time together without him, leading to feelings of jealousy and isolation. So I wouldn’t be surprised if the Horcrux was playing a bigger role in Harry’s feelings in the first chapter of Order of the Phoenix as we see the same tactic used by the locket later in the series. Thanks for all you do to keep the fandom alive, and I’ve appreciated having you a part of my life since 2007 for when life gets overwhelming and I just need a break to enjoy some Harry Potter time.”

Eric: Love this from Kayla.

Andrew: That’s what we love about doing this podcast, too; it’s a nice break from the real world. So thank you, Kayla.

Eric: Yeah, but we’re finding some more juicy evidence in comparisons with this whole Harry/Horcrux thing. I really like it.

Andrew: Yeah, I think this is some not just juicy but hard evidence, too, that the Horcrux is at play here.

Eric: Makes a lot of sense. All right, our next Muggle Mail comes from Julian, who says,

“Hi, MuggleCasters! I find it cute that you all think that Dumbledore had a whole detail on Harry.”

[Laura laughs]

“I’m pretty sure he only had a skeleton crew, being Mrs. Figg and Mundungus, which is why Mundungus just took off. There was no one to replace or cover for him. Not excusing him, but Dumbledore should have known better. Harry wasn’t worth the resources because he was overly certain about the blood protection. That whole ‘smarter than everyone, bigger mistake’ scenario. Love the show.”

Eric: Okay! You guys, we’re cute.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I’ll take it.

Andrew: I think… I wasn’t surprised either if Dumbledore put a small crew around Harry. Otherwise, you’re risking being noticed if there’s a lot of people surrounding Harry. You’ve just got to keep a small group together so it’s incognito.

Eric: Well, there were no shortage of volunteers to come pick him up, according to what Moody said in the “Advance Guard” chapter, so I find it interesting if there was a shortage of people to volunteer for rotating shifts on Privet Drive.

Laura: Yeah, I wonder if maybe Dumbledore was trying to divvy up the tasks so that no one person or one group of people would know too much, right? So I could see him potentially not wanting as many people involved in Harry’s detail during the summer before he leaves, and then having a huge overlap with the people that are going to come take him away just in case the Order gets infiltrated. We see that he does do this throughout the series; he sort of breadcrumbs information to specific people at strategic times. This might be part of it.

Eric: Yeah, that’s a good point. I still don’t think we will ever find out who’s in the rear guard that shoots the sparks up that give Moody the clear, so there are more people just hanging around that we…

Andrew: It’s the B crew.

Eric: The B crew.

Andrew: They’re not as critical to the operation, in my opinion.

Micah: My issue isn’t so much that it was a skeleton crew; it’s that it’s an inept skeleton crew.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: They do what they can.

Andrew: The C team. We have the A team, the B team, the C team.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: They just hang out… the P team, because they hang out on Privet Drive.

Eric: More like C minus team, am I right?

Andrew: [laughs] All right, this next email comes from Clayton on “Should we feel sorry for Petunia?”

“Hey y’all, I’ve been rereading the books alongside yourselves. I had a couple of thoughts I would be interested to hear your opinions on. When I first read the books as a kid, Petunia’s treatment of Harry was shocking. As an adult, though, I can’t help but feel a bit sorry for her. I can’t imagine the trauma it must have caused, seeing her sister be lauded as a gifted young witch attending this exciting school to study magic while she sat in geometry class. Add to that the loss of the close bond Lily and Petunia shared, Lily and Snape’s relationship, and Snape’s treatment of Petunia, and it must have been a fairly difficult childhood. It certainly doesn’t excuse the abuse of Harry, but it does make her a much more interesting character to consider now that I’m an adult, and sheds some light on childhood trauma and how it shapes us. Secondly, there’s a scene in Chapter 6 of Chamber of Secrets that reminds me of Snape’s memory around the lake from Order of the Phoenix. In Chamber, the trio are sitting around outside while Hermione reads and Colin Creevey admires Harry and asks for his photo. This feels similar to Lupin reading under the tree while James and Sirius relax, Pettigrew amazed by James and his skills with the Snitch. The trio is then confronted by their nemesis Malfoy, just like how Snape arrives near the tree. In both books there is a group of onlookers, with only Lockhart in Book 2 sparing the fight we see in Book 5. Just two things that have stood out to me so far as I reread with a new perspective. Thanks for all you do. Y’all are definitely my favorite podcast!”

Andrew: Thank you to Clayton the Gryffindor.

Laura: Aw, that’s so sweet.

Eric: It’s a cool connection.

Andrew: I don’t think I’ve ever considered the fact that when Lily went to Hogwarts, Petunia lost her sister, her sister’s daily presence at home. That kind of blows my mind. I mean, that would be a huge bummer.

Eric: Yeah. It’s hard for me to… because in my head, I… well, Petunia made the choice to be jealous of Lily, and made the choice to resent her sister’s so-called giftedness, but you’re not really going to get over that. There’s not… I mean, put simply the way Clayton did, geometry class kind of blows. [laughs] So I don’t know that there… her parents would have had to do extra work to make sure, and instruct Petunia and comfort Petunia and give Petunia enough distractions, and then work to preserve the relationship, when Lily was home, between the two girls, and that probably didn’t happen. Petunia always felt like she was left out. She always felt like her sister was praised and loved more by her parents, and that is a failing of all of them, and not of Petunia.

Micah: And she was rejected. Let’s not forget that.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Micah: As soft and tender as Dumbledore likely was in his note back to Petunia, she didn’t make the cut, and that probably cut deeper in a lot of ways.

Andrew: Yeah. And I don’t think Petunia’s jealousy was a choice, Eric. I feel like…

Eric: It is, though. Right?

Andrew: Is it? I mean, isn’t that a natural feeling?

Eric: Yeah, because you could be happy… if you have a sibling who’s slated to win a Nobel Prize, are you going to be mad at them? Resentful of them? Or are you going to be happy for them?

Andrew: Right, yeah.

Eric: Or somebody who gets into all honors classes.

Andrew: I just think you can naturally be jealous, too. It’s out of your control, maybe? There’s ways to reduce the feeling of jealousy.

Eric: It’s a natural emotion. It’s a natural emotion, but to let it consume you or define your relationship is a choice, is what I’m saying.

Micah: Andrew is also more mature now. If that would have happened maybe when he was younger and his brother got… I assume it would be your brother who got the Nobel Prize.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Well, my sister maybe could, too.

Micah: No, but…

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Wow.

Laura: Yeah, shots fired.

Andrew: It was just my sister’s birthday less than a week ago. Happy Birthday, Becca. Micah thinks you’re an idiot.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: I’m kidding.

Micah: But you know what I’m saying.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. When you’re younger, you might have more jealous feelings towards your siblings if maybe they win the baseball game.

Eric: It’s a great point, too, because Lily died so young, they really didn’t get a chance to be adult siblings.

Laura: Right.

Eric: And I feel like even if you have troubled teen years together, the 20s-ish is probably when some of that gets resolved through conversation and further work on both parties. Lily died when she was 21, I think, so that didn’t get to happen.

Laura: That’s such a good point, because I even think about my own relationship with my brother, and when we were kids, we fought all the time. [laughs] We fought like dogs and cats all the time, and it wasn’t really until we both got older that we actually developed a closer sibling bond, and unfortunately, Lily and Petunia don’t get that chance, and I have to imagine Petunia has some regret mixed in there as well.

Micah: Probably. And I think that jealousy is what turns into spite later on, and while maybe the choice wasn’t there to be jealous when she was younger – maybe that was just a natural reaction – how she treats Harry now is fully under her control, and she chooses to treat him horribly.

Eric: Yeah. One thing, since we are busy all feeling very sad for Petunia right now, Legalize Gillyweed made a good point in the Discord, saying, “Dumbledore lost a sister too; wonder if he empathized with Petunia,” meaning when he wrote the note, too, knowing that he’s…

Micah: Well, then he should’ve let her into Hogwarts.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: But if she ain’t a witch, she ain’t a witch. There’s nothing you can do about that.

Eric: He lets Hagrid… well, he lets Filch… I don’t know. It doesn’t make much sense. Legalize Gillyweed also said, “RIP James and Lily, by the way. Anyone else grieve them today?” That’s right, Halloween is their deathday.

Andrew: Yeah, so let’s extend some grace to Petunia on this anniversary.

Laura: Our next piece of mail comes from Christian. It’s on the importance of emeralds. Okay. They say,

“Hello hello, MuggleCasters. I just had a revelation when looking at my new engagement ring.”

Laura: Congratulations, by the way. Had to pause to say that.

Andrew: Ooh!

Laura: Christian goes on to say,

“There is, along with a sapphire (yeah Ravenclaw), an emerald on it (not for Slytherin, ew, but it’s gonna be a gay ol’ wedding, so obvi it’s because of The Wizard of Oz). Anyway, I digress.”

Eric: Nice.

Laura: Your wedding already sounds like so much fun. [laughs] I love this. Anyway.

“I read up on the stones a bit about hardness and how they’re formed and gain their color, and HOLD ON!!! On the Wikipedia page under the alchemical section, it says about emeralds: ‘They say that if a venomous animal should look at it, it will become blinded.’ And I am blown away! It’s probably why Slytherin chose emeralds as the stone of his House, so his students would be even more protected from the Basilisk. I love finding stuff like this. Anyway, wish you a great day! Thank you for making my ride to and from work so much more fun while being stuck in traffic. Keep doing what you’re doing. Greetings from Germany from a listener since 2017.”

Eric: Wow!

Laura: Yeah, that is so cool!

Andrew: That is sick.

Laura: And the fact that the emeralds are used, what is it, because the stones of the House… do we get to see the emeralds used as snake eyes in any of the carvings anywhere?

Andrew: Ooh.

Laura: Because if we… I’m not saying that we do, but if we do, that’s really incredible, given what we know happens to the Basilisk in Chamber of Secrets with Harry stabbing its eyes out. So I just… ah, that would be cool. Thank you so much for this.

Andrew: Max that.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Micah: Yeah, I love hearing connections like this, even 19 years into doing this podcast. So our next email is from Sarah on Nick’s Petrification, and she wants to know,

“Upon rewatching Chamber of Secrets, I was wondering how Nearly Headless Nick came to be rescued from being Petrified? They explain that the only cure for Petrification is a potion made from mandrakes. On the Wizarding World website, it’s confirmed that this is a tangible substance, a ‘restorative draught,’ as opposed to a spell. My question is, how did they feed this mandrake potion to Nearly Headless Nick, since it was mentioned in the Chamber of Secrets book at the deathday party that ghosts cannot consume food? Hope you guys can think about this question even though I know you already discussed Chamber of Secrets. I’m loving the Chapter by Chapters. Thanks for all you do.”

Andrew: So could there be a potion, a type of potion, that can be consumed by ghosts? But this also raises the question of can ghosts get sick? And how do they get better?

Eric: Aww.

Laura: Yeah, I’m thinking back to the deathday party. There is this moment where one of the ghosts floats through one of the platters of rotten food that they have there and says that he can almost taste it, but not really, and so I’m wondering if there’s some equivalent here to allow for the potion to work on a ghost. Do they just have him…? Do they push his Petrified ghost form through the potion?

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Can the ghost soak in the potion, like in a tub, and then it absorbs that way, maybe?

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Oh, oh, God. I was thinking along similar lines and always have, because remember how they relocate Nick to the hospital wing, is they kind of waft him? They get fans or something and…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: I assume you can aerosolize the potion and mist it and spray it and then it’s kind of more of a gas?

Andrew: Or could a ghost choose to eat something, choose to drink a potion, if they want? Like, sure, they can move through the food, but can they switch the path and then they can eat the food?

Micah: Like Casper?

Andrew: Is that how Casper…? Can Casper do that?

Micah: Well, Casper’s uncles, right, Eric?

[Eric laughs]

Micah: You know what I’m thinking of.

Eric: It’s true. Fatso, Stretch, and Stinky.

Micah: Yeah, they do quite a lot of eating, and they basically don’t fully process the food… but anyway.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: I’m delighted by the reference.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: I don’t really have a good answer. I almost wonder if Nearly Headless Nick, since he was the vehicle through which… was it Justin Finch-Fletchley saw the Basilisk?

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Micah: Should he have even been Petrified?

Eric: Yes. Well, he should have been killed, but he wasn’t.

Laura: He was already dead.

Andrew: Right, right.

Micah: Well, that’s my point. Then he should have been fine.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Well, but because…

Micah: Like, the water didn’t become Petrified. Hermione’s mirror didn’t become Petrified.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: But that’s a breathing… do ghosts breathe?

Laura: Yeah, but I mean, if we’re talking about inanimate objects versus animate objects, like Nearly Headless Nick is, he has free will, right? So I think that qualifies him to be Petrified. But what this email is really highlighting for me is that this is kind of a plot hole. I can’t think of a reasonable explanation. Him getting Petrified makes sense; him getting un-Petrified by the same potion they use on all the living victims does not make sense.

Eric: You don’t like my misting idea? My aerosol…?

Micah: I actually liked that a lot.

Laura: That is the closest thing that makes sense, and I cannot imagine that that was a solution that was thought of at the time of writing.

Eric: Yeah, you just put it in a Febreze can, and you spray it with the…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: And Nick smells great and he’s back to life.

Laura: I mean, I like your theory, Eric, for sure.

Eric: I just always assumed, from the moment they move him from that spot using wind, that they can also restore him using a spritzer, basically.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: Okay, this email comes from TJ, who’s got a “What if?” for us.

“Hey MuggleCast! I have been listening to you all since 2006.”

Lot of longtime listeners – we’re very touched – writing in today.

Andrew: Thank you.

“And even followed you all on the Smart Mouths days!”

Eric: Shout-out to that old show.

Andrew: Woo!

Laura: Aww.

“I have a bit of a ‘What if’ scenario for you. What if Alfonso Cuarón directed the Goblet of Fire? How do you think the film might have changed to what we got with Mike Newell? Can’t wait to hear your thoughts!”

[“What if?” sound effect plays]

Andrew: First of all, this might be the first time we’re doing a “What if?” about the real world and not the fictional world of Harry Potter. But what TJ is saying is, would it be a little more artsy? Would it be a little less angry? I don’t… what do you think TJ is asking exactly when it comes to Alfonso? And Eric, isn’t this your favorite movie, Prison of Azkaban?

Eric: No.

Andrew: Oh, sorry.

[Micah laughs]

Laura: No, that’s Eric’s favorite book, right?

Andrew: Oh.

Eric: And probably least favorite movie.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: But I remember, as a sidebar, that I did want Alfonso back for Fantastic Beasts; I thought he would have done a great job with the Fantastic Beasts. With Goblet of Fire, it’s hard to tell whether it would be more or less faithful. Cuarón really narrowed the scope to capture the teenage sort of self-ness in Prisoner of Azkaban. Goblet of Fire would have presumably followed a more narrow path. Yeah, I think it’d be arty. We’d get a lot of good shots.

Andrew: Exactly, yeah. I don’t really like Goblet of Fire the movie. I bet Alfonso would have started by saying, “Hey, kids, cut your hair. Make it as short as the last movie.”

Eric: Yeah, or “Here’s an essay prompt. Write an essay. The longer your essay, the longer we’ll allow your hair to be.”

Andrew: [laughs] And none of them would have done it. Bald heads.

Micah: And Mike Newell wouldn’t have broken any ribs.

Eric: It’s the butterfly effect.

Micah: Do you remember what I’m referring to?

Eric: Yeah, he broke a rib rolling on the ground with Fred and George, I think it is?

Micah: Yeah, he was teaching them how to fight.

Andrew: Alfonso or Mike Newell?

Micah: Mike Newell.

Andrew: Oh, okay.

Micah: Yeah, because the age line fight is in Goblet of Fire.

Laura: Honestly, where I think Alfonso Cuarón would have been incredible for Goblet of Fire would have been with the maze task. I think aesthetically, especially given how he showed that he’s very willing to lean into creepy aesthetics when need be, I think would have been incredible. I honestly think the maze task in the Goblet of Fire movie is boring, and I think he would have really… he would have amped it up quite a bit and actually made it feel as significant as it felt when reading the book. But Goblet is my favorite book, so I’m a little more critical of the movie, maybe, than most. But yeah, I would have loved to see Cuarón direct Goblet, because I liked the Prisoner of Azkaban adaptation. It wasn’t perfect; there were definitely some big misses in terms of stuff that got left out, but I feel like stylistically, that was the first movie that, to me, felt like it really captured the tone of the stories and of the characters, and that was the tone that ultimately stuck for the rest of the series, so I appreciate Cuarón for that.

Andrew: Laura, what you’re saying reminded me of the shrunken head on the Knight Bus. I mean, that was an Alfonso Cuarón touch, and now I’m mourning the fact that if he did do Goblet of Fire or later movies, he probably would have brought other unique flourishes to the film series in canon, and it’s a crying shame we didn’t get more of that across the series.

Laura: He didn’t want to, though, because they had asked him, I think, and he talked about how directing a Harry Potter movie was like being on a really long road trip where you really had to pee…

[Micah laughs]

Laura: … and he just didn’t have another one in him, so it was really clear that he only wanted to do this one.

Micah: Yeah. I mean, he’s got experiences with mazes; he was a producer on Pan’s Labyrinth. And I really agree with you, Laura, I would have loved to have seen the sphinx brought to life, some of the other creatures that we encounter in the maze. I would have loved to have seen his take on the merpeople and all the other creatures that live in the lake. The dragon actually wasn’t too bad…

Laura: No, that was fine.

Micah: … so I don’t think I really need a revision there. But even thinking to the end of the movie with Voldemort’s resurrection, somebody like Cuarón on that would have been really cool to see.

Laura: Yeah, I think he would have knocked it out of the park.

Micah: What’s his take on the Dark Mark? How does that appear in the sky? No knock on Mike Newell.

Laura: No.

Micah: He did a good job.

Andrew: Eh, I’ll knock on him. I didn’t think he was that great.

Micah: [laughs] He had a broken rib, Andrew.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I mean, I’ll be honest, when we did our Goblet of Fire commentary, I actually walked away from that surprised at how much I enjoyed seeing the movie again. I remember when I first saw it in theaters I was actually kind of disappointed, because I went in with such high expectations for it since it is my favorite book. I still don’t think it’s the best Harry Potter movie. It’s definitely not the worst; I’ll give it that.

Andrew: Well, moving along, this next one is quick and easy Q from Catherine. She asks about Harry’s Parseltongue abilities. “Is it ever confirmed whether Harry’s ability to speak Parseltongue ends after Voldemort is defeated?” And the answer, quite simply, is yes, and it was actually confirmed on Pottermore.com – excuse me, WizardingWorld.com – excuse me, HarryPotter.com.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Put it in the graveyard!

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, so according to some original writing on what used to be Pottermore.com, Harry could no longer speak Parseltongue after the events of Deathly Hallows. “Once the part of Voldemort’s soul that dwelled inside Harry was destroyed, Harry discovered he was no longer a Parselmouth, an added bonus of Voldemort’s demise,” HarryPotter.com editorializes. I don’t know; I think it’d be cool to speak Parseltongue.

Micah: Yeah, me too.

Eric: Also, does that mean, then, by extension, that every time Harry speaks Parseltongue, he’s actually using the Horcrux?

Andrew: Oh, that’s interesting.

Laura: Yeah, I think so.

Eric: If it goes away when the thing is no longer there, then it means it was the Horcrux that enabled him to do it.

Andrew: He’s kind of turning it on, or activating it.

Eric: Yeah, dipping into secret knowledge.

Andrew: That’s interesting.

Laura: Yeah, he was subconsciously activating the Horcrux.

Andrew: It’s kind of cool.

Laura: That’s interesting.

Eric: So we’ll keep an eye on that.

Laura: Well, our last email for today comes from Ben, and this is a Chicken Soup for the MuggleCast soul.

“Hi MuggleCasters, I’m from Ireland and I’ll be 13 in December. It’s my first time writing and I’ve just started listening to the new episodes yesterday because I had started with Episode 1 about a year ago and worked my way up to 400 and I’m still going. Through Harry Potter I started my reading when my uncle lent me his original four books, and thanks to you, I have continued my reading and fandom journey with books you’ve mentioned, and integrated in the Twilight and Hunger Games fandoms. Thanks for reading. From a proud Puff, Ben.”

And Ben adds as a P.S.,

“An alternate Deathly Hallows ending to end it with scar: ‘All was well. For the past 19 years, there had been no pain in his scar.'”

Andrew: That’s awesome, Ben. Thank you for sharing.

Laura: Yeah, I love that. And hey, happy early birthday.

Andrew: Yeah, and also, I think it’s pretty cool that we also helped you step into the Twilight and Hunger Games fandoms, it looks like. I, for one, am excited for the next Hunger Games book that comes out early next year, following Haymitch.

Eric: I’m really, genuinely excited for that.

Andrew: Sunrise on the Reaping, coming out in March of next year. Suzanne Collins has been doing this post-core series thing right. As has Stephenie Meyer, honestly. [laughs] They release some extra books; they stay off social media.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Take note.

Eric: No, the film version of Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes got me way the heck back into Hunger Games. I watched all the movies again.

Andrew: I loved that movie, yeah.


Lynx Line


Micah: So our newest benefit over on Patreon is our Lynx Line, so thanks to those who support us over at Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and we got some really good answers to this week’s question. We asked: We want to know what our patrons’ biggest takeaways are from the first five chapters of Order of the Phoenix. Was there maybe something we glossed over, something they’d like us to hear discuss in a little bit more detail?” And we got some good responses.

Andrew: This first response is from Rachel.

“I’m really liking the consideration of the Horcrux inside Harry and how that influences him. I’d never thought about that on any of the other times I’ve read the series. I’m also excited and hopeful for conversations surrounding Ministry interference at Hogwarts as the book progresses. Thanks for the great episodes.”

Laura: Oh, don’t worry, that’ll come with the territory.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: This next one’s from Julianne, who says,

“I actually had a lot more empathy for Harry on this reread. Not only is he a teenager (who developmentally is egocentric), but he’s just been through almost literal hell and then sent to live with people who abuse him regularly. He has no support and is alone. My mom/teacher heart breaks for him.”

Micah: Yeah, he’s been through it.

Laura: Yeah, and it’s only the beginning. Carly says,

“I wanted to put this on the Lynx Line about Order members but I chickened out, so I’m going to put this here.”

Andrew: Don’t chicken out!

Laura: Yeah, yeah, please leave your feedback whenever you feel compelled to do so for the Lynx line, Carly! Carly goes on to say,

“Professor Grubby-Plank would have made a perfect Order member, especially for guard duty. She obviously doesn’t have a day job if she’s so available to be an on-call substitute teacher for Care of Magical Creatures, so I imagine she’d have no problem just hanging out with Figg and her Kneazles all day.”

That’s a really great observation, Carly, and I can only think that perhaps Grubbly-Plank had not been fully conceived of yet as a character. Although we do see her in this book, right? So maybe someone who was writing didn’t connect the threads…

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: … to how this character could have been used.

Andrew: “Somebody who was writing.”

Micah: Cassandra says,

“I was struck by how conceited Harry is portrayed. From the first chapter, he recalls that HE is the capable one who confronted Voldemort, that he is the one who brought the news of Voldemort’s return. Is this the Horcrux or normal angry boy dealing with stress? Or both?”

So I know we’ve talked a little bit about this on some of the Chapter by Chapter episodes, but these specific examples that Cassandra is calling out here… do we think it’s Horcrux or Harry?

Eric: Yeah, it’s a lot like when Voldemort is like, “I went further than anyone else to avoid death. I did it; it was me.” Feels very Voldemort to me.

Andrew: It does, because they’re big statements. And he’s not wrong, but these are big things to say in front of your friends and family.

Laura: Yeah, and we never really see Harry talk like this before or after this book, right? I can’t think of any other examples where Harry is almost boastful. He’s normally pretty grounded and not terribly egocentric, so this was a little out of character.

Eric: Even later in this very book, he’s the one going, “I had loads of help every time I faced Voldemort.”

Laura: Right.

Eric: That’s something that Harry in the early part of the book would absolutely never be saying.

Andrew: At the risk of this sounding like a cop-out, it could be both things happening here, where it’s the Horcrux and his rage, which are a unique combination in this book.

Micah: I like that. I think it’s the Horcrux that’s feeding off the rage.

Andrew: Oh yeah, yeah. It’s a deadly combination.

Laura: Hormones and Horcrux. Horrible.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: I had the same problem when I was in high school.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: This next message is from Lady Gryffindor.

“Why couldn’t Sirius do a charm or transfiguration spell to change his looks and allow him to venture out of his home? Hermione did it to Ron in Book 7. You’re telling me the Order couldn’t do that for Sirius as well? Love you all.”

Eric: Aww. That’s… yeah.

Andrew: Well, and I mean, he does turn into a dog, so there’s that. But I think maybe they just didn’t trust him. They didn’t want to put the idea in his head.

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Laura: Yeah, fair enough. Because I mean, this is somebody who already has a target on his back, right? And he tends… he has a history of being reckless. I mean, even him…

Andrew: Yeah, he could be looking for a fight.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, even him going… we’re going to see him go to King’s Cross in his Animagus form here in the next couple of chapters, and even Harry is going to note how risky it is for him to be doing that.

Micah: Right.

Laura: And isn’t that kind of how he ends up giving himself away, too, at least early on?

Eric: Yeah, Lucius or somebody spots him.

Micah: Lucius. Because it’s assumed that Pettigrew would share with anybody that Sirius is an Animagus.

Eric: Well, that’s what Sirius tells Harry in the previous chapter, too, that his cover is blown, basically. But yeah, transfiguration, charms. I think for me, the thing that makes the most sense is it’s a mixture of wanting to leave the house, but also having nothing to do if you were to leave the house. Complaining that you have nothing to do, but then ultimately, where’s he going to go? Even if somebody offered to transfigure him, is he going to go for a walk? How fulfilling will that be? Is it an everyday thing?

Micah: Maybe a swim, a run. Why not?

Eric: And from Lloyd,

“How do you think Kingsley is providing the Ministry with false information on Sirius Black? Surely a reasonable Ministry official would doubt he was in Tibet. Do we think there’s any Confunding or memory-altering happening?”

I want a series of this. I want to absolutely see Kingsley doing the misinforming.

Andrew: That would be fun.

Eric: But yeah, I don’t know. I think that he would probably have to manufacture some kind of evidence.

Micah: Right, but he can also plant the evidence. He’s literally in conversation with Sirius on a regular basis, so I’m sure that Sirius could provide him with the necessary tools to be able to lie effectively. But in terms of Tibet, I don’t think that’s a stretch. We know wizards can Apparate, so is it really that far-fetched that Sirius could be in Tibet?

Eric: It’s really just about the motive. Yeah, even though you could say it doesn’t make sense, we don’t understand the motive; it’s not clear…

Micah: Well, it doesn’t make sense because it’s so far away? Or it’s just a random place?

Laura: But he’s on the run, so I actually think that makes perfect sense. I do like this idea, though, y’all talking about Kingsley needing to work closely with Sirius to really pull this off. I love the idea of Sirius writing some fake correspondence that Kingsley can then take into work and claim to have intercepted through his various connections that he has in the field, so I could see Sirius faking a letter that he wrote from Tibet…

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: … so that he could hold that up and be like, “See? This is where he is.”

Eric: “Dear Dark Lord, greetings from Tibet.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Do y’all think that Sirius would have walked to Tibet? Because I just Google Mapped it, and it’s possible. So you’ve got to take a ferry. 3,871 hours to walk from Scotland to Tibet. Just throwing it out there.

Micah: He was in dog form, so he ran.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: He did it in a week, yeah.

Andrew: Google says, “This route may cross country borders.” Uh, ya think?

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: “How do I get from this country to that country?” “Well, it may cross some borders.”

[Micah laughs]

Laura: I mean, he could always just get on the Titanic and get over there. Wizards travel that way, right?

Andrew: Yeah, as was documented in Fantastic Beasts.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Not since it sank.

Micah: Yeah, I was going to say that this comment made me think about the movie Jumper. I don’t know if anybody’s seen it.

Laura: Oh, yeah!

Eric: Yeah, with Hayden Christensen.

Micah: That’s how I imagine Sirius Apparating from one location to the next as he’s being chased by Ministry officials.

Andrew: Well, this was a lot of fun. As always, listeners, thanks so much for your feedback. We really appreciate it. If you have any more feedback about today’s discussion, or Chapter by Chapter or anything else, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. And next week, we’ll be back to Chapter by Chapter with Order of the Phoenix Chapter 6.

Eric: I’ve missed it, going through the book, doing the Chapter by Chapter.

Andrew: Me too.

Micah: It’s been a couple weeks.

Laura: Looking forward to it.

Andrew: It has been.


Quizzitch


Andrew: All right, now it’s time for Quizzitch.

Eric: Our last Quizzitch question was: Name a nation within the United Kingdom where the legal voting age is 16 years. This is due to recent conversation in the book about Harry being of age, so that’s why we asked that question. And correct answers, it turns out, are Scotland, Wales, and the Isle of Man, so 16 years all in the UK nations there, so that’s pretty impressive. 50% of winners say they did not look up the answer, and last week’s winners include 9-year-old John the Gryffindor (I didn’t look it up, I asked my mum!); A permanent sticking charm portrait of Gollum has been added to cart four times (one for each host)…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Thanks for that. Ben; Bort McVoldemort; Buff Daddy; Can the Harry Potter TV show please cast me?; Daddymort; Did you know pants means underpants in the UK?

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: Yes, we did know that. Eleanor my 10-year-old will be able to vote in the election after the next, boo hoo; Elizabeth K.; Flip the Fawkes; Fluffy’s three heads; GraveyardCCTV.com; Gred & Feorge still too young to vote in England; Harry Potter and the election for parliament; Hermione when she gets 99% on her test; Huffly Puffly the 12-year-old; I never called the MuggleCast official number, but I was so sad when you said it was gone, and I would storm Google headquarters to get it back with an army of Kneazles…

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: … Imholyfred; Lady G; Listening from the Dominican Republic; Patronus Seeker; People don’t tell me ANYTHING!; Robbie; Ruairi Hipkin; Show me a Scotsman who doesn’t love the thistle, show me an Englishman who doesn’t love the rose, show me a true-blooded Aggie from Utah who doesn’t love the spot (clap, clap) where the sage brush grows. I looked that up, and that’s a Scotchman song from Utah State, for anyone who’s wondering. Sirius and Molly need a spa day; The postal vote that was six days late thanks to Errol; The racist and most insulting house of Black; and Wibblewumper the third. Y’all did not disappoint with those answers. Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: How many Halloween feasts do we see Harry attend during his time at Hogwarts?

Andrew: I like it.

Eric: Yeah, that’s a good one. Back in spirit of today being Halloween. Submit your answer to us on the MuggleCast website using the Quizzitch form, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch in your URL, or if you’re on the website checking out transcripts or Wall of Fame, must listens, that kind of stuff, click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: This show is brought to you by Muggles like you. We are an independent podcast just sharing our love of Harry Potter with fellow fans, so your financial support is critical. In fact, listener support is the only reason we’ve been able to podcast for 19 years and counting. There are three great ways to help us out: If you’re an Apple Podcasts user, subscribe to MuggleCast Gold, which gets you access to ad-free and early releases of the show, plus two bonus installments every month. And for many more benefits, pledge at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. You’ll get all the benefits of MC Gold, plus our livestreams, Lynx Line participation, a yearly physical gift, access to the MuggleCast Collectors Club, the exclusive Facebook and Discord groups, a video message from one of the four of us, and more. We put a lot of effort into our Patreon, and that’s because we really appreciate your support there. And last but not least, grab some merch. Visit MuggleCastMerch.com for all of our brand new merchandise, or visit MuggleMillennial.etsy.com for our overstock store. It’s getting cold out, y’all; I think it’s a perfect time to go ahead and purchase the MuggleCast Comfy Cozy Combo Pack. And I speak from experience, because this morning, I was wearing the MuggleCast beanie, and it was so cozy and warm and soft.

Eric: Were you wearing the socks too?

Andrew: I was not, but tomorrow morning I’ll do the Cozy Comfy…

Micah: Were you just wearing the beanie?

Andrew: Yes. Yes, Micah.

Eric: Just out walking the dog.

Micah: But it’s also 80 degrees here today in New York.

Andrew: What the heck? What the heck, Micah.

Micah: October 31. November 1, almost.

Andrew: But get the beanie in preparation for the colder days ahead. [laughs]

Micah: Get it anyway.

Eric: Eventually.

Micah: Winter is coming.

Andrew: It will get cold. If you enjoy MuggleCast and think other Muggles would, too, tell a friend about the show, and we would appreciate a five star review in your favorite podcast app. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everyone.

Eric, Laura, and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #680

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #680, Harry Potter and the Graveyard of Goods


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the Wizarding World fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Halloween is upon us, and to celebrate, we have a special episode that we’re calling “Harry Potter and the Graveyard of Goods.”

Laura: Oooh.

Andrew: This is not about canon, though. This is about the numerous official projects by Wizarding World Inc. that have died over the decades.

Eric: Tragic deaths.

Andrew: These have been, you could say, rejected by the Sorting Hat, and mischief was not managed. They were Wingardium let-downs that are now in Diagon Fail-y.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: “Fail-y.”

Andrew: They were potions gone wrong, and left us disarmed, so we’re going to run through all of these today.

Laura: The Goblet of Fire spit ’em right out.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: It was like, “Don’t come past that age line.” [laughs]

Andrew: Chewed on ’em for a while and was like, “You know what? Ain’t my thing. Bye.”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: So we have done many different types of Halloween episodes on MuggleCast over our 19 year history. Micah, do you want to give us a rundown for anybody who might be wanting to keep up the Halloween spirit this week?

Micah: Yeah, why not? I mean, there’s plenty of episodes to go back and give a listen to around the Halloween spooky season, and don’t have to go that much far back than Episode 633, which was last year. We actually did a Quizzitch Live Halloween-edition, and we released it as an episode, so if you want to test your Harry Potter Halloween candy/Lily and James trivia, we highly encourage you to go check out that episode. And then going a little bit further back, Episode 535, “Halloween Extravaganza.” This was in 2021. We talked about whether or not the hosts ever dressed up as a Harry Potter character for Halloween, we invented some of our own wizarding world candy, we discussed which characters would give out the best candy, and we also Potterized some classic Halloween movies, so that was a lot of fun. You could tell we might have been grasping a little bit as with some of the more recent episodes, because we’ve talked about Halloween so much in the Harry Potter series early on in our podcasting days…

Eric: It’s rough.

Micah: … but there’s also Episode 487, “The Scariest Moments in Harry Potter.”

Eric: Oooh.

Micah: Episode 343, which was titled “Fantastic Beasts and the Not 2.” I’m not really sure what that’s a reference to…

Andrew: Me neither.

Micah: … but we talked about some of the key moments that happened on October the 31st in the Harry Potter series; there are quite a few. Going way back to 2008, Episode 161, were there enough traditional Halloween characters in the series, right? Thinking about werewolves and vampires and that sort of thing. And then very, very early on, in 2006 we did Episode 61, which was all about the ghosts in Harry Potter. And there’s probably other episodes – because that’s only just a handful – but a lot of the ones when I was looking back, we were doing Chapter by Chapter, but I’m sure we brought up Halloween. So just look around that October 31 date in the MuggleCast archive.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: But those are some good ones, and we’ll put them in the show notes so it’s easy for folks to just pop over and listen.

Eric: I love our little Time-Turner segment keeping on rolling.

Andrew: And a reminder that the MuggleCast merch store recently opened up. MuggleCastMerch.com is where you can grab brand new, original MuggleCast T-shirts, sweaters, hoodies, hats, and glassware. Actually, all four of us brought some merch today. Laura and I are actually twinsies; we both showed up with the “Security consultant” hat. How’s it feel, Laura, to be a security consultant at Hogwarts?

Laura: Honestly, I feel like I have so much power.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: I know, right? I need a clipboard.

Eric: Power to affect change.

Laura: I was fully… and see, now you wearing the same hat as me kind of ruins it.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: But I was going… at some point during the episode, if I was having a disagreement with someone, I was going to be like, “Look at me. I am the security consultant now.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: We need to get you a clipboard and you’d be all set.

Laura: Honestly, yeah.

Andrew: And then Micah, you’re wearing one of our T-shirts, right?

Micah: I’m wearing my T-shirt, yes. “Choo-choo.”

Andrew: It is the Micah T-shirt, basically. Yeah, it’s got the Hogwarts Express on there. A nice red. Great for the holidays.

Micah: And then the… I like this little MC mic bolt on the side of the sleeve. That’s a really nice touch. And these are very comfortable T-shirts, by the way.

Andrew: Good. And Eric, what did you bring?

Eric: I brought the glassware, the stemless glassware that says “Potions Master,” and I plan to actually pour a Butterbeer in here a little later on and take some photos.

Laura: Ooh.

Andrew: Heyyy.

Eric: But for now, it’s got my La Croix.

Andrew: Excellent. I also have here today the MuggleCast hat, which we’re calling the MuggleCap in the merch store. It has “Est. 2005.” By the way, these hats that Laura and I are wearing, and this MuggleCap, they’re embroidered! I mean, this is nice stuff. It looks really nice.

Eric: It’s really cool. Honestly, there’s a reason it’s taken us this long to get official merch that’s for everybody, as we were waiting for the quality to show up, and here it is.

Andrew: Right, so MuggleCastMerch.com. Great idea as the holiday season approaches, by the way; check out the store and maybe find something you like and send it along to a friend or family member and they can get it for you for the holidays. And once you do receive your merch, listeners, please do tag us, and we’ll be happy to share it on social media. And by purchasing any of these products, you are helping us run the show, so thank you so much, and enjoy this great merchandise.


Main Discussion: Graveyard of Goods


Andrew: All right, it’s time for this year’s Halloween episode: “Harry Potter and the Graveyard of Goods.” Today we’re going to look at various aspects of the Wizarding World that came into existence and then ended up being canceled. We’re going to start with some of the more obvious ones, and then we’ll dip into the more obscure ones that you may have forgotten about or have never heard of before.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: So let’s start with one of the biggest of all, the Fantastic Beasts film franchise; we’ve spoken about this a lot over the years. So the original plan was to make five films chronicling Newt and his friends. It was actually announced to be a trilogy when it was first revealed by Warner Bros. and J.K. Rowling, but then Rowling said – and I believe it was right around the time the first movie came out, while she was promoting it – that it would actually be five movies, and everybody was very excited about that. Well, of course, it turns out it ended up being three anyway. We got these three movies between 2016 and 2022, and the series was just surrounded by controversy between Johnny Depp, the bad storytelling… I’m still not over all that boat nonsense.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: And J.K. Rowling was trying to separate herself from it by the end, it seemed like. And the box office performance slid with each movie.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, they rehired Steve Kloves to come in and do work on the screenplay for the third film, which, they essentially soft-landed it. I know technically it’s not dead; it’s just “parked,” but it definitely is probably dead, and RIP Fantastic Beasts.

Laura: You know, I will say I was pleasantly surprised by the first Fantastic Beasts movie.

Eric: Ah!

Andrew: Agreed.

Laura: I was one of these people who was skeptical of the series when it was announced, because initially, when it was three movies, I was like, “How are they going to get a three movie, a trilogy story, out of this 41-page book?” And then they turned it into five movies, and I was like, “Uh, how are they going to do that?”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: And then I saw the first movie and it was so good, and I was like, “Man, I’m so glad to be wrong about this.” And then Crimes of Grindelwald happened. [laughs]

Eric: Well, and I would argue, yes, the first film did not in any way fail to show us how five films could exist.

Laura: Right!

Eric: The second film did that. [laughs] It was like, “Ooh, yikes!” I think the first Fantastic Beasts is probably my favorite Harry Potter film.

Andrew: Oh, wow. I enjoyed number one very much. I really liked number three too. Hated number two. And the series still had potential, in my mind; it was working towards that big Dumbledore/Grindelwald duel, and we were expecting to see Ariana’s death as well, which was a pivotal moment in the Harry Potter series, so it’s just a shame that we didn’t end up getting all that.

Micah: Yeah, I think that the point that you bring up about how the story pivoted also was such a major contributor as to why this film series did not take off the way that they were expecting it to. They did have something with those core four characters in the first film, and like we’re saying, we all really very much enjoyed Fantastic Beasts, the original. But I think they tried to stretch it too much with the Dumbledore and Grindelwald storyline. I think there’s a way that that could have been woven in, but when you move away from Newt as the main character, along with Jacob, Queenie, and Tina, that’s really where it felt like, “Okay, well, we just watched this first film about these four characters, and now all of a sudden we’re going in a completely different direction.”

Eric: Some of them aren’t even in the movie in the third one!

Micah: Right.

Eric: Like, Tina is “on assignment.”

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: So it’s disappointing, though, because this was our first opportunity to really expand the universe in a way, I guess, even though it’s kind of a prequel.

Eric: We brought the show back. We brought the show back because of this movie series.

Micah: That’s true. [laughs]

Eric: We were out of here!

Andrew: This wasn’t my intention, but it’s appropriate that we’re opening with Fantastic Beasts in this discussion since it did, like you said, Eric, bring the show back. [laughs]

Eric: It revived us back from the dead.

Laura: Well, something good came out of it, so…

Andrew: There you go. Episode title: “Something good came out of it.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: For any listeners who don’t know – maybe some newer listeners – we ended MuggleCast back in… what was it, 2013, I believe?

Eric: Episode 269, by the way.

Andrew: And then two weeks later they announced Fantastic Beasts, and we were like, “Oh, okay, I guess Harry Potter and MuggleCast aren’t over after all.”

Laura: Yeah, and I will say Justin in our Discord is calling us out right now. He said, “Brought the show back,” and then he added, “after two weeks.” [laughs]

Andrew: That’s how excited we were to have an excuse to continue podcasting.

Eric: Listen, we needed a break. We needed that two weeks.

Andrew: Yeah, that too. We did need a break. [laughs]

Eric: It was the most restorative two weeks of our lives.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: And we haven’t been off for two weeks since.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Right. Well, around the holidays. So moving along in our list here, the MinaLima illustrated editions…

Eric: This one still hurts.

Andrew: … and this was actually a pretty recent development. So MinaLima are the creative duo behind much of the visual design for the Wizarding World films – including Fantastic Beasts – and they were planning to create a fully illustrated series of the Harry Potter books. They got up to Book 3. And while I personally didn’t love that they were releasing these editions and the Jim Kay editions at the same time, the MinaLima editions stood on their own. They had the pop-out sections; they had little things you could play with. The books were physically smaller than the Jim Kay illustrated editions, so that was a nice alternative. And then earlier this year, MinaLima announced that Scholastic had not commissioned them to continue after Prisoner of Azkaban, and it came as a shock, because MinaLima has always had a great relationship with the Harry Potter filmmakers, and why would they cancel it mid-series? And we still don’t really have a solid answer as to why. But Scholastic does claim they are going to continue this illustrated series, but MinaLima is so distinctive in their art style; how do you continue that without it seeming like it’s a ripoff?

Eric: You can’t, yeah.

Laura: I mean, I also have to think there’s potential infringement in that, too. I mean, it is such a unique style; I cannot imagine that MinaLima does not have some sort of copyright around their stylistic approach, so…

Eric: I think that’s right.

Andrew: Maybe they’ll send some scary emails to… their lawyers will send some scary emails to Scholastic and scare them off from continuing the series. If I were MinaLima, I wouldn’t want them to continue.

Eric: No, absolutely not, especially if they burned that bridge and didn’t recommission them. I think that this is something that MinaLima would have made the time for if negotiations hadn’t, apparently, broken down.

Andrew: This left fans with a bad taste in our mouths because we were invested in this illustrated edition series, and it’s hard to imagine that MinaLima were the bad guys here. Maybe… my only guess is they were asking for too much money, and Scholastic said no, but I don’t… Scholastic should have paid them.

Eric: We discussed this in a special bonus, I remember, and I remember saying that it’s MinaLima; there’s no “too much” money. There’s no price, really, that you can get them to be this invested in. The way that they make these books is extraordinary, and it does really make you question… I mean, they were one of the few creators that I loved to still support by way of official merchandise, and that’s gone now.

Micah: Well, you could still support them via their shop, right, in London?

Eric: That’s for sure.

Andrew: Yeah, and you can buy all their products online, by the way. MinaLima.com.

Micah: There’s just an authenticity that comes with the illustrated editions that they did because they worked on the Potter films; they worked on the Fantastic Beasts films. There’s nobody like them when it comes to that type of content, so I do agree it would be very strange for somebody else to step in and to continue these editions. I feel like we’re going to probably talk about this with other editions of the Harry Potter books, but they’ve never seemed to be able to complete a set outside of the original seven books.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: Honestly, yeah. It’s a good thing that the original seven books are a thing, but every other attempt…

Andrew: Yeah, there have been others, but I think they do them all at once, and normally it’s just cover redesigns. It’s not like…

Eric: Yeah, like the House editions or whatever.

Andrew: The House editions, or the… I’m forgetting his name. Kazu Kibuishi? Released new covers. Those were just paperback, I think.

Eric: Yeah, that was the first Scholastic rebrand, and then they kneecapped him by releasing brand new ones a year or two later. It was ridiculous.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah.

Eric: They didn’t let that one breathe. And whatever they’re selling now, with that charcoal drawing of the kids, I hate it. I can’t stand it.

Andrew: Oh, I don’t like that either. It’s black and white.

Eric: No, it’s so… the books, the world is so rich and vibrant and colorful, any charcoal book cover just is going to fall flat.

Andrew: Yeah. Well, let’s go further back in fandom history: Pottermore classic, [laughs] I’m calling it.

Eric and Laura: Ahh.

Andrew: So Pottermore.com launched in 2011, and it allowed fans to experience the Harry Potter universe interactively with House Sorting quizzes, potion-brewing; you could collect a bunch of stuff. One of the biggest features for us long-time fans was there was exclusive writings by J.K. Rowling, and she was revealing new information about canon and a lot more. It primarily… if I remember how they introduced it at the beginning, it was a place for new readers to have this companion as they read each chapter of the Harry Potter books. You could go really chapter by chapter on Pottermore and get additional information about each chapter, along with beautiful original artwork. It was also the first home for the Harry Potter ebooks, and that was a big deal because they did not… they were kind of late to the ebook train, and they launched with Pottermore in partnership with Sony. It was very exciting, I remember, to see the new chapters and books slowly be rolled out on Pottermore, and it felt to me like a modern spin on the long-promised encyclopedia. By this point, 2011, we were coming to terms with the fact that we wouldn’t probably get an encyclopedia, but then here comes Pottermore. More Potter. Oh my gosh, it’s like the Internet version of an encyclopedia. That’s cool!

Eric: The rollout was exceptional. The hype was real. There was this website placeholder where it was like, “The owls are gathering.” Just the…

Andrew: They teamed up with fansites to tease it, I remember.

Eric: That’s right!

Andrew: MuggleNet had a thing… yeah.

Micah: Weren’t there coordinates that were provided on Google Maps, and then each site had a set of coordinates, and each coordinate revealed a certain letter that spelled out Pottermore?

Andrew: That’s right, yep.

Micah: Which was very cool.

Andrew: I think you could go into Street View and then you would see the letter.

Micah: Right. Exactly, yeah.

Andrew: Yeah, so it was an interesting rollout. But then they turned Pottermore basically into a very simple, uninspiring, unoriginal blog in 2016.

Eric: Ugh. This was…

Andrew: All the charm of the original site was stripped. The chapter by chapter area was gone, as was the gorgeous artwork.

Eric: Yes.

Andrew: And the worst part about it, which really cheapened it, was they started doing these Buzzfeed-y type articles. “Seven times Ron… this or that.” You know? Just trash. It’s like, “What happened?”

Eric: I don’t understand at all that decision. That’s one of the most perplexing decisions I think I’ve ever seen anyone make, is the decision to make it into a fansite, because there were already still huge fansites. And if you have the ear of the series’ author, you don’t need to be writing speculative articles about “Ooh, Lavender Brown may or may not be dead!”

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, presumed dead.

Eric: No! Just tell us or shut up! Ugh, can’t believe it. And they did that with everything; they did that with teasing the new films. And even after the film was come out, they wouldn’t give us a straight answer. It’s like, who’s writing this?

Laura: Yeah, it also feels a little bit like what happened with the author’s original website, because her website back in the day was so good. It was also really interactive; it was very clever. What I loved about the chapter by chapter stuff on Pottermore was it was like living artwork; things moved, cauldrons bubbled. You could see characters sitting there breathing; you could see them moving, and it was really, really cool. And to see them take such an ingenious idea and boil it down to what Eric was talking about is just unfortunate, and it reminds me of what happened, and how we all felt when J.K. Rowling’s original website went away because it was so cool, the original design.

Eric: Well, and with Pottermore, the Sorting quiz! You could actually get Sorted.

Laura: You could get your Patronus too.

Eric: Yeah, well, eventually. I think years later.

Andrew: And I think they still offer those, right? They have those…

Laura: Oh, do they?

Eric: They do, but it’s not as animated. I think it’s like radio buttons on a simple page, but the original… I mean, that’s why I’m okay with being a Hufflepuff, is because I’m a Pottermore Hufflepuff. After taking that whole quiz and then reading that welcome letter, I was like, “Yeah, this is me.” Yeah, I don’t know.

Andrew: So then Pottermore turned into WizardingWorld.com, and actually, we have a new development here. Over the last couple weeks, they have now gotten rid of the Wizarding World branding, and they’re just… if you try to go to WizardingWorld.com now, it redirects to HarryPotter.com, and at the top, it’s the same Wizarding World site, but instead of that branding, it now just says “Harry Potter.”

Eric: Oh no.

Andrew: So it looks like they’re taking a step back from the Wizarding World branding for the overall franchise, too. The Wizarding World branding, it launched in 2018 with a great logo, depicting an open book and wands for pages.

Eric: Love the logo.

Andrew: We were analyzing it, I think. [laughs] And it made sense that they introduced this new branding because they were expanding with Fantastic Beasts, and now as of the last couple weeks, they’re ditching that. And I guess it makes sense as they gear up for the Harry Potter TV series, but I think it’s also an acknowledgement they’re going to stay focused on Harry Potter’s story for the foreseeable future.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. That’s just… I can’t… what are they going to do with Wizarding World Games? Is it going to be Harry Potter Games again?

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah. Well, right now they’re under the Portkey Games label, right?

Eric: Oh, that’s right.

Andrew: Yeah, but maybe they will just start calling them Harry Potter Games.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: So speaking of games, actually, Wizards Unite. Ah! This was developed by Niantic, the creators of the massively successful Pokémon Go. The still very popular Pokémon Go, by the way. I see commercials on TV for Pokémon Go, even in the last week. [laughs] This was released in 2019, and players could act as wizards and witches protecting the wizarding world from the “Calamity.” That’s where the weirdness started.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: And you would catch these Confoundables across the Muggle world and… I don’t know. You were saving the world from evil.

Micah: Calamity.

Andrew: From calamity.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: Right.

Andrew: But the game just didn’t… we were so excited about this because, like I said, Pokémon Go was so popular, and we thought, “Oh my God, a Harry Potter Pokémon Go. This is the best thing ever.” But it was just… it was darker than Pokémon Go. Pokémon Go worked because you were collecting all these cute creatures, and they have so many waves of Pokémon that have been released over the years.

Eric: Right.

Andrew: Wizards Unite just was dark and repetitive, and there was a story.

Eric: Yeah, it’s not like you go across the street and find a Squirtle. You would get Filch instead.

Andrew: Right, who wants to collect Filch?

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Death Eater.

Andrew: And it wasn’t even Filch; it was a Confoundable of Filch, which did what?

Eric: I was never clear on that.

Andrew: Me neither.

Eric: I didn’t hate it. I played the game; I liked it.

Andrew: I did too.

Eric: I liked going around, but it was quickly repetitive, and I was not incentivized to keep playing it the way that Pokémon Go has, from time to time, managed to get group events correct and… yeah.

Laura: Wasn’t the first Confoundable – or one of the first ones – you found Hagrid? Do y’all remember that?

Eric: I think that’s right.

Laura: Yeah. I just remember because I was sitting in my living room and all of a sudden Hagrid was just on my screen.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Well, you’ll never forget that.

Andrew: “Hagrid is in my living room? Whoa.”

Laura: Yeah, well, the whole thing is it’s basically… it’s mimicking the same technology as Pokémon Go, where you’re seeing these figures in your living space if you…

Eric: Yeah, it’s augmented reality.

Laura: Yeah, thank you. That’s the word I was looking for. So Hagrid was just standing on my coffee table?

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Micah: As you do.

Andrew: You’re like, “Um, should I call the police?”

Laura: I was like, “Sir, this is a private residence.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Andrew, didn’t you go to a public Wizards Unite event?

Andrew: I did, yeah, in Indianapolis, and you could go around with fellow fans and collect Confoundables. We were saving Indiana all together. So I just loaded up Pokémon Go; I’m catching some Pokémon now. I registered a new Pokémon to my Pokédex. Yeah, it should have been something else. Couldn’t they have focused more on wizarding world creatures instead of catching humans in Wizards Unite? And it felt more tedious than Pokémon Go. So it’s a shame.

Eric: I think the thing that a lot of these iterations get wrong is they’re too dark. They’re unexplainably dark. Heavy on the Death Eaters, heavy on the Acromantulas. And it’s like, “You know, there’s a lot of lightness to be had in Harry Potter. Give us more of that.”

Andrew: There is.

Laura: Honestly, though, I mean, based on the timing… because that was what, 2016? It is kind of surprising they didn’t try to do something that was more aligned with Fantastic Beasts. It just seems like that’s built-in promotional material.

Andrew: Exactly.

Eric: I mean, I think you could catch a Mooncalf, but it wasn’t… you didn’t have your own case or anything.

Micah: Not like catching a Mooncalf in Hogwarts Legacy.

Eric: Right.

Micah: Which you can do.

Laura: You can.

Eric: That magical encounter, yes.

Micah: I mean, you can catch a lot of things. So yeah, maybe they were just punting it down the road a couple years.

Andrew: Yeah. Speaking of mobile games, there’s one I don’t think any of us played, Harry Potter: Magic Awakened, and this was combining a collectible card mechanic game with RPG-style gameplay. It was initially released in China in 2021 before it expanded around the world in 2023, but now it’s going to be closing in select countries, including the US, by the end of 2024.

Eric: Yeah, you’re right. I think that one missed me.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, it wasn’t on any of our radar.

Laura: I know there was another one that was really frustrating because you needed gems or some kind of currency.

Eric: Was that Hogwarts Mystery?

Laura: Yes, Hogwarts Mystery. It was so annoying.

Eric: Hogwarts Mystery… I do agree. It’s possible they adjusted that in the end. It was to keep you coming back, but you literally would get to a point where a few story cards in, you would be out of energy because you encountered something, and it’s like, “Oh, I can’t even take in the story that I’m being given because it’s siphoned off.” So Hogwarts Mystery, though, for what it promised… it was set, I think, in the 1980s, or you’re in Charlie Weasley’s year, so Tonks is around. They eventually did complete all the years of Hogwarts, so that’s actually quite a lot of story. I’m assuming that one’s still available.

Andrew: I think it is.

Eric: But the various mobile games throughout the year, yeah.

Andrew: So let’s look at WizardingWorld.com again. There was something called Wizarding World Gold, and we talked about this a bunch on MuggleCast.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: This was a paid subscription on WizardingWorld.com that was launched in 2019. It offered fans exclusive perks, like early event access, discounts at official stores, collectible pins that you could get at the Cursed Child or Wizarding World theme park. You also got a unique physical book that was personalized to the subscriber; that part was cool. It had your name printed in it.

Eric: Did you receive that?

Andrew: I did, yeah. It was nice. But the subscription didn’t gain any traction, and we all… everybody who had it was like, “What am I paying for exactly here?”

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: It was $99 a year, I think, or $79 a year. I meant to look up the price.

Eric: I did not buy it, and I’m so happy that I did not buy it.

Laura: Neither did I.

Micah: Well, Andrew and I took the hit for you all.

Eric: Oh my God. You know when the biggest offer was a discount in the stores. Like, come on, guys. [laughs]

Micah: Well, I think – at least I’ll speak for myself – in order to speak knowledgeably about it, you’d have to get the product and be able to talk about it.

Eric: It’s true, yeah.

Micah: But in a way, it was its own Patreon for Harry Potter fans.

Eric: Except that creator did nothing.

Micah: Well, that’s what I was going to say, is that the biggest challenge that it faced was the fact that it really didn’t offer much, and you can’t do that, and that’s why it fell flat. And I’ve got to imagine it was probably challenging for the folks at Wizarding World Gold to keep coming up with different ideas that they could sell people on, and it didn’t end up working out.

Andrew: Yeah, because what would you do? I don’t even have any ideas for them. And I don’t want to give them any.

Micah: The pins is cool, but you could do the pins outside of Wizarding World Gold. You could make pins available at different Harry Potter locations throughout the world and just sell them as one-offs.

Eric: Yeah, so many stores have that license now. And Micah, it makes sense that you had it because you live in New York, so it’s like, at least you could check out the Cursed Child gift shop, the Harry Potter store eventually. Not sure if the timeline adds up for that.

Micah: I didn’t think it did, but definitely for Cursed Child, because I think when we went to see it, that’s when I got the pin for Wizarding World Gold.

Eric: Oh, that’s right. The special… yeah.

Andrew: Well, the Cursed Child was just mentioned, and another item in our graveyard, the original version of the Harry Potter stage play. Before Cursed Child became the official continuation of Harry’s story, early versions of the stage play were conceptualized as a family drama focused on Harry’s early years living under the stairs at the Dursleys’ house. And I still remember when we found out about this, and we were shocked. Of all the things you’re going to do, you’re going to just follow Harry under the cupboard? That sounds dark and depressing as heck.

Eric: I was excited.

Andrew: It was supposed to explore the emotional challenges that Harry faced before discovering magic. It was kind of like a prequel of sorts. [laughs] And luckily, they changed their minds and we got the Cursed Child, which…

Laura: Luckily?

Andrew: Well, yeah, for all that has been said about the plot, it is a very cool show to see on stage, so I think they ultimately made the right decision.

Laura: Mmkay.

Andrew: [laughs] Laura, you can’t judge it until you’ve seen it!

Eric: Yeah, it’s true.

Laura: And here’s the thing, I would love to see it; I’ve heard that the production is something to behold. But I think it would have been possible for them to tell a better story and still put on a really great production. Maybe not this original story, maybe something else, but…

Andrew: See it to believe it.

Laura: Yeah, I don’t know. I think… I feel like one of the big pitfalls that this franchise has encountered again and again is assuming that if they slap “Harry Potter” on something, it’s going to sell and be successful.

Eric: Thank you.

Laura: And we’ve seen that how many times over at this point? Stop doing this. Actually do something good. It’s insulting.

Eric: That’s the word. It was insulting, releasing Harry’s story and claiming that these were the same characters. They don’t read the same, sound the same, say the same things. It just… it was insulting. It played to the lowest common denominator of general audience in many ways.

Andrew: You’re talking about Cursed Child still?

Eric: Yeah.

Andrew: [laughs] This is a rough take.

Laura: I’m just speaking in general.

Micah: I agree with what Laura is saying, though. Anytime you’ve tried to expand the story, at least those that they’ve tasked that with haven’t done a good job. When you look at Fantastic Beasts, when you look at Cursed Child… we’ve said the production of Cursed Child, without question, is fantastic, but the story is horrible.

Eric: I remember you freaking out, Andrew, about Delphi. Like, “Voldemort can have kids?”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: There you go. I made you laugh.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, that was… yeah. Well, the Bellatrix/Voldemort angle in particular was the shocking…

Eric: Now you’re on board. I had to remind you how bad it was.

Andrew: I still have a soft spot in my heart for Cursed Child. I think it’s enjoyable. I’m willing to forgive the story because of what you witness on stage. [laughs] I think it’s…

Eric: I will say, Scorpius and Albus Severus is the closest thing to a gay couple that we’ve seen realized in official Harry Potter canon.

Andrew: There is that, too.

Laura: Yes.

Eric: And it beats out Dumbledore and Grindelwald, and they had three films to do that.

Andrew: Yeah. We actually do have a new entry for the Cursed Child graveyard section of the graveyard that we’ll get to a little bit later. Let’s return to the illustrated editions. I mentioned the Jim Kay ones; I’m putting a question mark on this gravestone. So Jim Kay’s illustrated editions of the Harry Potter books began with Philosopher’s Stone in 2015, and these books are beautiful. I think I prefer these to the MinaLima editions. There was supposed to be all seven books, but Jim Kay stepped down after Order of the Phoenix; he said it’s a huge burden on him, and we totally understand that. Scholastic and Bloomsbury have said that this series is going to continue; I would have presumed with the person who was assisting Jim Kay on Book 5; there’s somebody else on that book who assisted with some illustrations. But we haven’t heard anything about Half-Blood Prince yet, and we should have by now, because Order of the Phoenix illustrated came out in 2022, so it’s been a solid two years. They were on a two-year cadence, especially with the more recent ones. Neil Packer was the person who was helping Jim Kay on Order of the Phoenix. So we’ll see, but I hope we’re not going to have two incomplete illustrated edition series.

Eric: That would be awful, especially because I think Book 6 is such a joy that it’s going to be a shame not to at least get Book 6. They should have just not took too much on. They should have split the books and made smaller books, like done Book 5 in two parts, like I was suggesting…

Andrew: You’re still on this. You’ve been asking for this forever.

Eric: [laughs] I know, I’m sorry.

Andrew: Stop trying to make split books happen!

Eric: It’s a great opportunity to relive sort of what our thoughts were, past, present, and continuing, so… forgive me. [laughs]

Andrew: No, no, I love flipping through those Jim Kay books. Just so good.

Eric: Yeah, his art of Ginny – I think it’s in Prisoner, because there wasn’t any art of Ginny in Chamber; a travesty – was really good. I love that art.

Micah: The only thing that I could point to here is just that you’re going to lose consistency. And I think when they start talking about doing something that is going to require somebody – or multiple people – to step in to do it for seven books, they really need to think about if that’s something that’s possible. We’re seeing it with MinaLima. We’re seeing it with Jim Kay. We’re going to talk about the anniversary editions that they only did one of.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: They said, “Okay, let’s celebrate ten years of Sorcerer’s Stone. That’s it.” I think it’s a missed opportunity, honestly, for Scholastic and Bloomsbury to not celebrate big milestones for Harry Potter.

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Eric: It’s money on the table too.

Micah: There’s that, but I still think there’s an opportunity to celebrate, aside from just saying, “It’s 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, and we’re going to give you another book for it.” Collectors love it, for sure, but I just… I don’t feel like they’ve celebrated the books in the way that they could have.

Eric: I’m going to give them a tip: Next time you want to start a seven-book collectible series, start with 7. Start with number 7. Work backwards.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Work your way backwards. It only gets easier, right?

Eric: We have enough Book Ones, and then it gets easier! That’s exactly right.

Andrew: Right, right, yeah. So Micah just mentioned the 10th anniversary editions. There was one that came out for Sorcerer’s Stone. I love this cover! It’s new artwork by Mary Grand-Pré; she did it just for the 10th anniversary edition. The book also included some new material, some bonus material from the author. Micah is modeling off the book right now. It’s Harry staring into the Mirror of Erised; you could see the silhouettes of his parents in the background. Something about this cover, just the colors… look at that artwork in there too. Very nice. So they did the one, and that was it. And I would have loved if Mary Grand-Pré did new covers for each of the books. Maybe that’s asking too much, because she also did do a lot of extra art, not just the chapter art, but did other stuff for posters and whatnot. They could have used all that for new covers. The 10th anniversary is a special one; I wish they saw that series through.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. I agree.

Laura: Why do you think they didn’t continue it? Did it just not sell very well? Did Mary Grand-Pré say, “I’m done; I’m out”?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: My understanding – take this with a grain of salt or not – my understanding is a soured relationship. Mary Grand-Pré was a relative unknown when she did the Harry Potter books; as such, she doesn’t own her own art, and so somebody, an art insider, told me that was sort of the situation, is Warner Bros. on one hand… or Scholastic, rather. Nothing to do with WB. But Scholastic would be like, “Make us more art. Come make more art.” She’s like, “Why would I do that? I don’t own my art that I make for Harry Potter.” So I think that was another instance, though, where a soured relationship with the artist not being willing to give up either some creative control or some money or contractual disputes probably soured, and the artist was just like, “Nope, I’m walking away.”

Andrew: Yeah. So here’s something that’s not a book or a game or a movie: a Celebration of Harry Potter at Universal Orlando. This was an official event for fans. Ran from 2014 to 2018, and fans could attend panels – not fan panels, mind you – meet cast members, participate in interactive exhibits; they had a little show floor. Micah and I went once, maybe twice, and it was surprising to see it wasn’t coming back, because it was the one annual Harry Potter event in America, so it was… and you would think Universal would have wanted to continue doing it because it was a great way to bring people to the parks for the Wizarding World lands.

Eric: Yeah, they tried a couple of gatherings like the expos, and then this other convention they tried to do. It just felt very, I think, corporate in the end, because it wasn’t…

Andrew: It did.

Eric: Well, by that point – and none of these are viewed in a vacuum – it’s like, what was the fandom doing at the time? Or what had the fans accomplished? And there were a lot more personable conventions, gatherings, things like Dragon Con and the Chestnut Hill conference, which just had its seventh year. There are so many fan-led conventions and gatherings, and then you look at what WB was going to do, and yeah, it’s in the park, but we were in the park for a fan convention. We rented it out at night in 2010, 2011, 2014, 2017. They couldn’t offer anything the fans themselves hadn’t already done, basically.

Micah: Yeah, I don’t disagree with that. I’m trying to remember what the experience was like outside of Andrew and I getting caught in a thunderstorm at one point, but… [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, it was fine. It wasn’t…

Micah: I think there was a performance of some of the Harry Potter music, right? Outside? Do you remember that?

Andrew: I don’t know. I can’t remember. I’m starting to realize why this hasn’t returned. [laughs]

Micah: There was some Q&A with cast that were present.

Andrew: And there were… you could learn how to cast a spell with the wand coordinator from the Harry Potter movies.

Micah: Right, you…

Andrew: But he shows up at the unofficial cons too.

Micah: You rode a broom, from what I remember. They had a lot of props there as well. They had the Goblet of Fire. They had the thing spitting out all of the letters that Harry gets from Dursleys’.

Andrew: Oh, right. They had some props; that was cool.

Micah: Anyway.

Andrew: Yeah, this is… I’m bored talking about this.

Micah: Yeah, let’s move on. [laughs]

Andrew: But there was something else that was supposed to happen last year and didn’t. It was called Wizarding World Festival, and it was announced on Back to Hogwarts Day in 2022. It was supposed to happen summer 2023 somewhere in America. It was going to be this three-day festival featuring “panel discussions, film screenings, special guest appearances, cosplay and trivia competitions, autograph signings, photo opportunities, exclusive merchandise, special announcements, and more magical experiences.” So more going on than a Celebration of Harry Potter. Like I said, it was supposed to happen last year. It never happened. They had a website; a mailing list. “Stay tuned, everybody.”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: It went nowhere! My only guess is, in light of all the JKR backlash, they thought maybe it wouldn’t be a good idea to do this, because they were also marketing it as sort of this outdoor festival. Would there be people protesting? Would people be trolling the event? Maybe they realized it would be too much trouble to do and too risky, possibly? I don’t know. Then again, if it’s a ticketed event… I don’t get it. It’s just so weird. They announced it in 2022, and then we never heard another peep. So this one, I think, hurts fans the most: an official Harry Potter encyclopedia. It’s very much in the graveyard at this point. For years, the author was promising a comprehensive encyclopedia covering everything about the wizarding world. We were expecting it to include boatloads of new information, reveal old notes, etc. It just would include everything we could have ever dreamed of. And the author said multiple times – on Pottercast, in court, and on her official website…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yep.

Andrew: … that she was working on this and that it would be released. It never happened. We got Pottermore, like we said earlier; that kind of felt like a Internet version of the encyclopedia, even though it wasn’t what we were fully hoping for in an encyclopedia. Last year, we did get something called the Wizarding World Almanac, which is just a rehashing of information we already knew in an illustrated format, so it was like, “Meh.” We never got what we dreamed of most of all.

Eric: No, this one hurts, because you just know that many, many years of planning went into this wizarding world. Even of the first seven books; by the time Deathly Hallows was published, there were an encyclopedia’s worth of things that could have been organized into some form of what could be the encyclopedia, and it would be fascinating. Stuff like the lineage of Dean Thomas, and not just a screenshot of a picture of the thing, but the actual thoughts behind it and stuff. Really could have been honed, I want to say. But even with Pottermore, the special exclusive writing from J.K. Rowling got lesser and lesser, I think, as the books went on, and that was a real shame, because if the author had committed to writing one new piece per chapter, or for every other chapter, even, there would have been a lot more of that same content that we wanted that belongs in an encyclopedia.

Laura: Do y’all think that had the official encyclopedia happened, do y’all think that it would have included poop mountain?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Absolutely.

Micah: How could it not?

Andrew: Yeah! She’s supposed to tell us everything.

Eric: We know that she’s been waiting to… well, that was the other thing, is that the author’s own writing ability, I think, waned in the years… if you look at the screenplay for Crimes of Grindelwald, you’re like, “Can she even tell the story anymore?” But before that, the Ilvermorny stuff was straight up appropriation. Unapologetic, didn’t consult anybody… the controversy over the years about her writing was growing, and for good reasons. So I don’t know; if we hadn’t gotten the encyclopedia in 2008, 2011, maybe at the latest 2012, we were never going to get it.

Micah: Wasn’t there talk of it being an accessibility issue as well, and that’s why Pottermore was created in the first place? Meaning that presumably most people could access – and I know not every place in the world has Internet access – but the ability for folks to be able to access Pottermore.com is greater than having to go out and buy a $25 encyclopedia.

Eric: I think you’re right.

Andrew: Eh, are you thinking of Cursed Child? Because that’s why they released the script book?

Micah: No, I seem…

Eric: No, I think somebody legitimately… yeah, somebody said that about Pottermore. Somebody official, prominent, said that it was more accessible, but…

Andrew: Well, they were just BS-ing, because this started as a book series. [laughs]

Micah: Well, I’m not agreeing with it; I’m just saying…

Eric: Yeah, yeah. You’re talking about people who somehow have the Harry Potter books, so… [laughs]

Andrew: Right.

Eric: It’s like, “Eh.”

Andrew: I wouldn’t be surprised if we do end up seeing whatever the author had put together at some point down the road still, but the shame of it all is that the people who were once claiming for this now don’t care, and so it won’t receive the excitement that once would have rocked the fandom.

Micah: So it’ll probably happen.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Right, yeah. We’ll see. So another project… and I had forgotten about this, or I didn’t really know about this until doing research for this episode. Electronic Arts – the makers of older Harry Potter video games, The Sims, Sim City, and many more titles, of course – they were working on a Harry Potter MMO. This was in the early 2000s, and it was a massively multiplayer online game. It actually had made it well into the development process; they were at the beta process. They were ready to go with a beta. And we don’t have any other details about this, but somebody who worked on the game commented on it a couple of years ago, which was one of the few if only times we have an official record of it. But that would have been awesome. On the other hand, video games have evolved a lot over the last 20 years, and if they work on something like this now, it’ll be incredible, and hopefully they do.

Laura: They better.

Andrew: The Harry Potter Ultimate Edition DVDs. This is another item in the graveyard. These started strong; they had lavish packaging and behind-the-scenes content for the first four movies when they started being released in 2009, and it was nice to have, “Okay, here’s Sorcerer’s Stone and every extra piece of content we filmed for the movie, the deleted scenes, outtakes, behind-the-scenes looks,” this and that. But then with the later movies, 5-8, the content in them was lacking, right, Eric? I think you feel very strongly about this.

Eric: Yeah, it’s complicated. So they did eventually… the biggest reason to get the Ultimate Editions, apart from the version of the movie with the deleted scenes back in – which is a feature I’ve never liked, but I put up with people who love it – the eight-part documentary, the “Creating the World of Harry Potter.” That was the big deal, was every film was going to get one of those, and every film was going to get an Ultimate Edition, which would be the exclusive home for those. They did eventually actually do that eight-part documentary; it’s on YouTube, but it is also on some of the Blu-ray collections as well, so you can still get… they fulfilled the promise of the documentary, at least, but the Ultimate Editions as we know them I don’t think made it past four, and so it was… and then Blu-ray itself, I think, came out, which made DVD… studios probably weren’t investing in creating DVD boxsets in the same way, and nowadays we’re back to studios not really doing any special features for films, even on their home video release. So the tide turned, I think, in the industry and otherwise, and it ate up what was originally this promising, very colorful boxset.

Andrew: Yeah, hopefully one day they do release the boxset we’ve all waited for. Just throw literally everything into this boxset for all eight movies. Fantastic Beasts, too, sure. Everything. Everything you’ve got. [laughs]

Eric: I mean, as you get to the later films, the deleted scenes weren’t meant to be put back in the film, because they were alternate stuff, right? And they were… in the first movie, it was stuff that was in the books that was just a little extra that they cut for pacing; that makes sense to put back in the movies. But in the later ones, if you look at the deleted scenes from the later films, it really wouldn’t have made sense to put some of them back in. Still, the Ultimate Edition… they could have done something else with it.

Andrew: Yeah. I want to touch on one more item, and this was the most recent, and this is a bit of news: The Cursed Child on Broadway is going to be further shrinking its runtime.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: So the touring version of Cursed Child just opened up in Chicago, and it’s going to be coming to DC and LA next year. The Broadway version is currently one part. London still has the two-part version of Cursed Child, but they couldn’t make the… they were trying to make it work on Broadway; I think financially, they were too constrained, so then they shifted to this single-part version. But now they’re going to take the touring version and make that the new Broadway version, so it’s going to go from three and a half hours to under three hours long. It seems worrying that they have to keep shrinking the runtime, especially if you have to cut it an extra half hour?

Eric: What is there to cut? And if there’s that to cut, you should have cut it originally.

Andrew: And I bet they’re going to cut all the gay stuff that they added in by shrinking it down to one part.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: Oh no!

Andrew: [laughs] And you know what’s so funny? I got a press release about this the other day. So Sonia Friedman, who produces the show, she said in this statement, “From the very beginning, we and the creative team have challenged ourselves to find new and innovative ways to bring the extraordinary storytelling and stage craft to life.” That’s how you’re introducing this? You’ve always strived to make it shorter? Is that what you’re saying?

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: I don’t get the spin here. [laughs]

Eric: You’re giving audiences 30 minutes less.

Andrew: Right. For the same price, surely, that it’s been. [laughs]

Laura: Honestly, it’s just corporate. That’s all it is. She’s just speaking in corporate.

Andrew: Yeah, I mean, this is all PR’ed to hell, but I just had to laugh when I saw that. “We have always challenged ourselves.” Like, okay?

Laura: What the heck?

Micah: You know, having seen Cursed Child very recently, I’m not sure what they could cut that would… it’s not like being there for three and a half hours you feel it drag at any point, so I’m curious… I can understand maybe when you’re on the road in other cities, but when you’ve been in New York for so long, and you’ve already cut it from two shows down to one, to further cut down the run time, what it suggests to me, maybe, is that this is going off Broadway sooner rather than later.

Andrew: Oh, I fully agree. And you know what I was thinking about, too? So we had on one of the stars of Cursed Child – for the next month or so – Joel Meyers, and he was talking about how physically demanding this show is. I’m imagining him reading this news and being like, “Oh, why couldn’t I have had the three-hour version? Why did I have the three and a half hour?” [laughs] “I could have been working less, damn it!”

Eric: Amazing.

Andrew: Well, I have not seen the single version, single part-version of Cursed Child. I would like to; I’ve heard very good things about it. I’ve heard very good things about the Chicago version, too, so I’m sure people who see this new version on Broadway are going to have just as good of a time, but it is worrying that they keep shrinking it on Broadway. So that is the graveyard of goods. But I do have a question for everybody: As a wise poet likes to sing, “Everything dies, baby; that’s a fact. But maybe everything that dies someday comes back.” So if we could bring one of the above items back, what would it be? Eric?

Eric: Oh, everybody gets… each of us get a reprieve that we get to give?

Andrew: Yes, you have the power to revive something. What would it be?

Eric: Oh, I love this question so much. I think the original Pottermore.com. All of the artwork, the chapters by chapter, more content about and behind the scenes of the books… I really would just want that. It was a moment in time; captured our hearts. I think we were all getting a little anxious about the end of Potter when that came along, and it was so pure and had the best intentions, and never really got completed in the way that I think it was intended, and didn’t stay.

Andrew: Yeah. Laura, how about you?

Laura: That Harry Potter MMO. They better do some online multiplayer gameplay with the next Hogwarts Legacy or I’m going to riot.

Andrew: Micah, how about you?

Micah: I have so much nostalgia for the original JKRowling.com, but I’m a completionist, and I’m going to go with the MinaLima editions.

Andrew: Ooh, good one.

Eric: So they work it out. They keep going.

Micah: There were never any problems. It’s all resolved.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: They’re working on Goblet of Fire.

Eric: Aww.

Andrew: So I would say Fantastic Beasts. I really would’ve loved to have seen that series fully through. Number three was fantastic – beasts – and I was left excited about where they were going with it, so I wish it was seen through.


Lynx Line


Andrew: This week’s Lynx Line question was exactly this topic for patrons: If you could bring back one of these, what would it be? And I did a poll. Number one at 28% of the vote was the Fantastic Beasts film series. At 22% was the MinaLima editions. At 19% was the official Harry Potter encyclopedia; I’m actually surprised that made the top three. And then number four was the Jim Kay illustrated editions, and then Pottermore classic. Thanks, everybody who participated in that poll. If you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that’s recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, and next week will be a Muggle Mail episode, so get your feedback in now. Email anything about Order of the Phoenix Chapter by Chapter or today’s discussion. Again, MuggleCast@gmail.com. No Quizzitch this week; it’ll be back next week. This show is brought to you by Muggles like you. We’re an indie podcast just sharing our love of Harry Potter with fellow fans, so your financial support is of the utmost importance. In fact, listener support is the only reason we’ve been able to podcast for 19 years and counting. And there are three great ways to help us out: If you’re an Apple Podcasts user, subscribe to MuggleCast Gold – it’s better than Wizarding World Gold…

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: … which gets you access to ad-free and early releases of MuggleCast, plus two bonus installments every month. For even more benefits, pledge at Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and you’ll get all the benefits of MuggleCast Gold, plus livestreams, Lynx Line participation, a physical gift every year, and more. And the newest way to support us – and we’re all showing off something today – is by purchasing some MuggleCast merchandise at MuggleCastMerch.com. Do you think any of your Muggle friends want to have more Harry Potter friends? Then tell them about us, and you can also help us spread the word by leaving a five star review in your favorite podcast app. Lastly, visit MuggleCast.com for transcripts, social media links, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes, and more. That does it for this week’s episode. Don’t forget to check out all of those Halloween episodes that we plugged at the top. Happy Halloween, everybody. We’ll see you next time. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everyone.

Laura: bye.

Transcript #679

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #679, Disorder of the Phoenix (OOTP Chapter 5, The Order of the Phoenix)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the Wizarding World fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: And I’m Micah.

Andrew: Get ready to be mollycoddled, because this week we’re talking about how much info Harry needs to know and why the adults fuss over letting him have it. It’s time for Chapter 5 of Order of the Phoenix, called, easily enough, “Order of the Phoenix.” And joining us this week is friend of the show, fellow Hypable podcaster, Pam! Welcome back, Pam.

Pam Gocobachi: Hi, thanks for having me back.

Andrew: Of course. You coho… you cohost Millennial with Laura and I. You coho…

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Andrew: Coho, coho. You cohost What the Hype?! with us.

Micah: Wrong show, wrong show.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Pam is putting in all the podcasting work this week, so we appreciate it while Laura takes the week off.

Eric: Thank you, Pam.

Pam: I’m playing bingo with our whole little podcast family.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Listeners, before we jump into Chapter by Chapter, reminder that last week we launched our brand new MuggleCast merch store, available at MuggleCastMerch.com. This is where you can grab brand new, original MuggleCast shirts, hats, hoodies, and more. For example, we have Security Nightmare gear. We have Choo-choo hats and shirts. We have a “We criticize because we care” T-shirt, which I’m a big fan of. We even have a Pickle Pack T-shirt. So there’s lots of great options at MuggleCastMerch.com, and this is an excellent place to support us if you don’t already support us on Patreon or Apple Podcasts. Though I will say, patrons are getting an additional merchandise discount that they can use at checkout at MuggleCastMerch.com. So once again, check out MuggleCastMerch.com and pick something up.

Eric: And one other announcement: ‘Tis the season for MuggleCast Secret Santa. This is something that has been long running for the show, particularly on our patrons Facebook group, which you get by being a part of the Patreon community. And many thanks to Brittney B., who all these years has been running it. You guys participating this year, do you think?

Andrew: I think so. I need to check out the… I need to get on the list.

Eric: I’ve gotten some great gifts. The sign-up deadline is December 2, and if anyone has any questions, feel free to message us. But that’s just a courtesy announcement to let you know.

Micah: I actually got these very cool Ravenclaw coasters…

Eric: I like that.

Micah: … from one of our Secret Santas.

Pam: Cute.

Micah: There’s more than one; there’s four of them, so it’s not just like they…

Pam: [laughs] Just one coaster?

Micah: … hauled it off of a local diner and sent it along. But it’s something that I really enjoy doing every year, so I’m glad that it’s back, and thanks to Brittney for pulling it all together again.

Eric: Yeah, and full instructions – because we do do it through Elfster and all that – can be found on a pinned post in the Facebook group.

Micah: You never know what I’m going to pull off the shelf.

Andrew: [laughs] You’ve got a lot on those shelves.

Eric: I don’t ever know.

Andrew: [laughs] Well, speaking of Patreon, this week on bonus MuggleCast, we will celebrate Halloween by coming up with our own potions that we think would solve a specific problem, so we came up with some concoctions. We came up with names for these; at least, I came up with a name for mine.

Eric: Yes, yes. I was pressured to also come up with a name when I saw that you did.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: And Pam had one in there.

Pam: Well, only because Andrew put one in. I was like, “Oh, is that what we’re doing?”

Eric: I know!

Andrew: [laughs] Wow, I am such an influencer.

Pam: Monkey see, monkey do over here.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Micah: We all contributed.

Andrew: Okay, excellent. So we’re going to have a fun bonus MuggleCast this week. Again, over on Patreon and also through Apple Podcasts, we release two bonus MuggleCast installments every month.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: So without further ado, time for Chapter by Chapter Order of the Phoenix Chapter 5, “The Order of the Phoenix.”

Eric: [laughs] We last spoke about this chapter on Episode 230, titled “Trendsetter,” for June 4, 2011, and Episode 437, “The Voldeport.”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: What?

Eric: Which I thought I had an idea what that would be, and it’s not what I thought that it was, interestingly enough, the meaning of Voldeport. Anyway, that one was from October 7, 2019. Let’s roll the Time-Turner clip.

Andrew: Pam, get ready for this production value.

Eric: Ooh.

Pam: I’m so excited.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 230.

Micah: Yeah, you…

Andrew: Because we’re getting in deeper into the story here, things are getting a lot darker, so it’s like you expect that we’re going to see some very dark, powerful magic going down in this book.

Micah: Yeah, and you think “weapon,” you think like…

Andrew: A deathstick.

Micah: Yeah, I don’t know.

Andrew: Like a sword or…

Micah: Yeah, something like that. Something that if he physically had it, could do serious damage to other people. But it’s just a prophecy.

Andrew: Right, right. It is a bit misleading.

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 437.

Micah: And I don’t think Sirius really has had the opportunity to mature because he was locked up in Azkaban for 13 years, and he’s very much been a prisoner, despite the fact that he’s not in jail, if we think about everything that he’s been through since Prisoner of Azkaban.

Pat: Yeah, he spent a year just living with Buckbeak. You can’t talk to Buck… well, I mean, you can, but he’s not going to talk back.

[Andrew squawks]

[Whooshing sound]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Micah: That was you, Andrew?

Andrew: Oh, that was me making the noise, but Pat was on there too. I did not realize he was on that long ago.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Micah: I was going to say, June 4, 2011, the allergies were definitely kicking in for you and me, Andrew. [laughs]

Eric: We all have that problem going back ten or more years. Yeah, we all had allergies called puberty.

Andrew: I think it was a nasally voice. We were just trying to be a little more radio-y back in the day. Comes a little more natural now.

Eric: It’s why these look-backs are so fun.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Andrew: Well, to kick things off, I just want to set the scene by observing how the scene is described, because I think it says a lot about this chapter and the Order of the Phoenix. So the kitchen is in the basement, and there is this haze of pipe smoke hanging in the air like battle fumes. And I love the symbolism here, because the kitchen, which is normally the gathering spot for families – or in this case, the Order – it’s underground. It’s hidden, which I think is emblematic of this hidden operation going on right now. And the battle fumes add to the vibes that this is a war crew; it feels like Harry just entered the war room, the Situation Room.

[Pam laughs]

Eric: Yeah, the whole underground thing reminds me of a bunker. And not only is this war time, you’re right to point out, but there’s going to be a war fought over Harry in this chapter.

Andrew: [laughs] I didn’t think about that.

Pam: Yeah, I was just going to say that the idea of battle fumes is almost like a premonition of what’s to come. So it kind of also gives you the sense that they’ve probably been arguing down there for a while, because everybody’s stuck living under the same roof too. This is definitely not the first time that they’ve butted heads.

Micah: And you could blame Mundungus for the battle that’s about to come, because if he didn’t Disapparate, maybe things wouldn’t have gotten so out of hand.

Eric: Right, Harry would still be on Privet Drive, very, very upset with everyone for not telling him what’s going on.

Andrew: The Battle of Molly versus Sirius.

Eric: Let’s. Get. Into. It.

Micah: It’s on.

Eric: [in an announcer voice] In the left corner…

[Pam laughs]

Micah: We need that… I forget his name, but the boxing announcer.

Pam: Don King, is it? Or something?

Micah: No, not Vince McMahon. [laughs]

Eric: Was that…? Did I say something wrong? [laughs] “Let’s get ready to rumble!”

Andrew: He’s been canceled, hasn’t he?

Eric: That’s not Vince McMahon?

Micah: No, it’s not Vince McMahon.

Eric: Oh, damn. I don’t know anything about boxing. Okay, in the first corner, we have Sirius, Harry’s godfather, who in this chapter, more than any other chapter before, is doing godfatherly things, like telling Harry that he didn’t have it so bad on Privet Drive. It’s kind of funny, after another chapter of Harry’s shouting, to have him be reintroduced to Sirius, and Sirius is like, “Yeah, you didn’t have it that bad. I have it worse than you.” And the fact that Harry doesn’t also flip out with this information… I’m pretty sure Sirius is the only one alive who could survive saying such a thing to Harry right now, in the middle of all of his rage.

Micah: I think he was taken off guard by it.

Andrew: Like, he can’t be angry?

Micah: And Harry is also… he’s had a little time to process; he’s gotten a little bit of that emotion out of him. But I do think Sirius’s comment took him a little bit by surprise.

Eric: Yeah, agreed with that. But Sirius, of course, is referencing his own isolation, and it’s funny to see them go back and forth. Harry is like, “Well, at least you knew what’s going on,” and Sirius is actually… when I say he’s doing godfatherly things, I think he intuits both in general and directly from what Harry says, “At least you know what’s going on,” that Harry has wanted to know and probably been desperate for more information. And so really, the crux of this chapter is Sirius loudly saying, “Well, honestly, Harry, I’m surprised you haven’t been pressing us for more information on Voldemort,” and it lights the fire that the battle smoke comes, so I feel like this is a great assist. I feel like all the ways in which Sirius goes to bat during the argument with Molly is great, but just in general, having that conversation happen here, most people would prefer that it didn’t occur at all, and that’s just not, I think, reasonable, so Sirius has his back.

Micah: He does, and I like the word that you used, the “assist.” He gets Harry’s situation better than most, and I think he uses this moment to refocus him on what’s important, and that’s getting more information about what’s happening with Voldemort. And I just think Sirius, though, given how glum things are at Grimmauld Place, he figures, “Hey, can use a bit of drama around here. Let me stir the pot a little bit.”

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: “Let me be a little bit like my good friend Albus, and get the drama going.”

Andrew: That is the impression I got as well. Molly is ready to get the kids up to bed, and he’s like, “Uh-uh-uh, I want a little prime time entertainment before everybody goes to bed for the night.” But I do also understand… I think you’re kind of joking, Micah, but I also wouldn’t put that past Sirius, the idea of shaking up his lonely, isolated days here at Grimmauld Place with a little bit of excitement. And he wants his godson to know what’s been going on, and he knows his godson deserves to know.

Eric: Yeah, for sure. Do we think that Sirius actually understands Harry’s situation better than Molly does? Just the whole being excluded thing?

Pam: I think so, because Sirius was isolated for a long time, and we all know that they’ve been in correspondence, and that Harry was genuinely excited to go live with him after the events of Prisoner of Azkaban; that’s obviously before Wormtail escapes and all of that happens. But yeah, I just… I don’t know if the Weasleys, barring Ron and maybe Fred and George… because they see the bars on his window when they go and rescue him, right?

[Eric laughs]

Pam: … know really how bad he has it at the Dursleys’. He’s severely being abused there, maybe not fully physically, but it takes a toll on you to live in a house where people just think you’re a terrible human.

Micah: Yeah. Going off of what you said, Pam, and then also looking back to what we were discussing on Episode 437, Sirius has been a prisoner ever since he committed the crime against Pettigrew. It’s not changed; just the definition of prisoner has changed for him, right? He’s been in Azkaban for a period of time, but once he’s out, he’s really still a prisoner of circumstance. He never really gets to be free.

Eric: Right.

Micah: And this is his one opportunity, because it’s his home, so in a way, it’s a bit of “My house, my rules,” and I think that’s what’s going on here at the start. He wants to feel some level of control.

Pam: I think you could say, honestly, the same for Molly, but she’s coming at it from a different perspective, right? I think that she is coming at it from wanting to keep her family safe, and there’s so much that she cannot control with regards to that. And so they’re both lashing out for the same reason, but the catalyst for both of them is completely different.

Eric: Yeah, Molly has always been the pillar of her family, the heart of her family, and doesn’t… I really doubt she’s felt isolated in many, many, many, many years.

Pam: Yeah. Just think about the clock she has in her kitchen and why that exists, and maybe how many spoons she’s taken off over the years. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, seriously, Sirius’s clock would – for all the years he was in Azkaban – just be the shadows he made friends with on the wall.

Pam: [laughs] Right, exactly.

Andrew: And she’s also obeying Dumbledore’s orders. Dumbledore had asked that they not share a lot of info – or any info – with Harry, and she brings that up in this chapter.

Eric and Pam: Yeah.

Eric: So let’s… okay, so [in an announcer voice] in the other corner…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: And by the way, it’s Michael Buffer, not Vince McMahon. In the other corner, Molly, somebody else’s mother, does someone-else’s-mother things, is what I titled this, because she is so extra in this chapter. It’s not just when she gets into it with Sirius. Long term listeners of the show will know that I have problems when anybody attacks my boy, but even before then, she’s interrupting people; she is really just trying to take control of everything. Kind of what you were saying, Pam; she doesn’t… she wants to exert this level of control because she probably feels as powerless as some of the others do. But there’s a moment that I forgot happens in this chapter, which is that Mundungus Fletcher opens his mouth to actually apologize to Harry for ditching him, and I couldn’t believe, as I was rereading this, that it was about to happen.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Dung is like, “I believe I owe you an apology,” and he’s about to actually apologize, but then Molly, from across the room, is like, “Mundungus Fletcher, I told you not to smoke that pipe in here!” And so what could have been a really redemptive moment for Dung is interrupted! And then it’s over. I’m like, “Ahh.”

Andrew: But in hindsight, we also know he ends up being a terrible person…

Eric: Ohh.

Andrew: … so I don’t think I want that redemptive moment from him. It’s also his fault for smoking in the house when Molly has already asked him not to.

Eric: Listen…

Andrew: Now, that said, I will play devil’s advocate with Dung. If you’re in the Order of the Phoenix, are you being paid for this role? He needs to make a little bit of money. They all need to make some money. I don’t think it’s fair they should be working in the Order for free.

Pam: It’s volunteer basis.

Andrew: I don’t like that! That’s not right.

[Pam laughs]

Micah: He can’t go outside and smoke; it’s too risky.

Andrew: He needs one of those, like, nicotine patches, I guess. You’re telling me…?

Eric: He needs a smoker’s corner. They need to build in an unplottable…

Andrew: Yeah, there’s not a spell or a potion to help people who have the urge to smoke in the wizarding world?

Micah: It adds to his character.

Andrew: It does.

Eric: Yeah, I agree. His character… I mean, honestly, if 12 Grimmauld Place smells like an old school bowling alley used to smell with all that cigarette…

Micah: Or a casino?

Eric: Yeah. Well, maybe not a casino, but bowling alley is what I think of. You know that smell. I would stay in Grimmauld Place for a summer if it smelled like that, because that was a good smell.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: It was probably really bad for you. But I mean, Dung’s whole thing adds character. I think he’s okay for now, for two more books. It’s nice that he recognizes that he did a bad thing. See, if Mrs. Figg were here, she’d be forcing Dung to apologize. Nobody’s here doing that, and still, he looks at Harry, and he’s like, “I guess I owe you an apology.” And then he says, “I had a business deal,” and yeah, if they’re not getting paid, Andrew… duty calls, business calls, the money… you can’t line the inside of your wallet with hopes and dreams.

Andrew: [laughs] Right.

Eric: So she’s also, I guess, over-controlling. I can understand there’s this whole thing about dinner and people offer to help, and she’s kind of overboard on like, “Tonks, don’t help; you’ll only make things worse,” and I just think that that’s not very polite.

Micah: No.

Eric: She’s trying to be nice, but also like, “Tonks, don’t get anywhere near this food I’m making because you’ll ruin it.”

Andrew: She had also just asked for some help from anybody, I think…

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: … and then Tonks tries to help. I mean, this is just erratic behavior. Just ask somebody specific to help you if you don’t want somebody in the room to offer to help you.

Micah: She’s stressed. Some of her behavior isn’t defensible, but it’s understandable. And I’m thinking back to last episode; we talked a little bit about how she lost both of her brothers in the first wizarding war. Now she has Charlie, Bill, and Arthur all in the Order; Arthur is in the cross hairs of the Ministry; Percy is at odds with the family; Fred and George are a handful at the best of times; and Harry has just gone through this attack by Dementors, so throw that all together with the fact that she seems to be the caretaker now of Grimmauld Place, and I think that any one of those things is enough to be stressed about.

Eric: I mean, who asked her to become the caretaker of Grimmauld Place? I mean, well, though and maybe that’s the point. Maybe it’s a conscious emotional labor.

Andrew: Maybe she offers.

Eric: But it’s somebody else’s house. It’s Sirius’s house?

Andrew: Do you want Sirius to cook? I don’t.

Pam: But that’s all she knows how to do. She’s a homemaker, until they give her the warrior moment, right? In Deathly Hallows. But up until then, we know that she’s a homemaker, and so I think she just tries to slip into that role for some semblance of normalcy. And maybe she should have asked, because you also can’t smother or mother adults, right? That’s ridiculous, especially adults that are not your children.

Andrew: Yeah, and I love this point Safir is bringing up in our Discord right now: Remember how cray we all went in lockdowns? Here’s something that happened since the last time we discussed this chapter: We’ve all experienced what lockdowns are like. They are in a lockdown, effectively, so of course some of the people are going to be going crazy, and there’s going to be some fights.

Micah: And the emotional effect that you were talking about, Andrew, we see it come to a head with what happens when she confronts the boggart in the wardrobe, and it’s constantly turning into different members of her family and then Harry.

Pam: Right.

Micah: She’s just very overwhelmed in this moment, and I think she unfairly takes it out on Sirius.

Eric: Well, thank you for… yeah, I mean, look, it’s clear that she’s overwhelmed, and everybody gets overwhelmed sometimes. What’s interesting to me is that the argument that develops is all about what Dumbledore has said probably a little bit ago, which was that, “Don’t tell Harry any more than he needs to know.” And I think it’s Dung who argues – or maybe Lupin – circumstances have changed since then. So there was this old edict from Dumbledore saying, “Don’t tell Harry more than he needs to know,” but none of these adults can get on the same page as one another on what that means, what that entails, and it ends up being… leading to this big argument.

Micah: It does seem strange, though, that there was no prep. They knew Harry eventually was going to be coming to Grimmauld Place. Why did they not discuss this? Why were they not ready to present some kind of information to him? It just seems like…

Pam: That has to be on Dumbledore, though…

Micah: Yes. [laughs]

Pam: … because the only argument anybody can give is that Dumbledore said “Need to know,” but if he doesn’t clarify “Need to know,” then that’s why all the other adults are at odds over what they should and shouldn’t say, and it’s probably because Dumbledore himself doesn’t know at that point. He’s still a little scared about how deep this connection goes with Harry, and he can’t tell anybody that because he’s keeping all his cards close to the chest, so…

Eric: What’s that, Pam? Insufficient orders from Dumbledore?

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Pam: Sure. Is there a button for that?

Andrew: No.

Micah: The Disorder of the Phoenix.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Disorder of the Phoenix?

Eric: Disorder of the Phoenix. [laughs]

Andrew: Episode title.

Eric: There it is.

Micah: You’re welcome.

Eric: Oh my God.

[Ad break]

Eric: So let’s get into this, and I’ve prepared something of a blow by blow, because I do find it interesting – some people might think I’m coming for Molly; I’m not coming for Molly – but each character has different feelings about different aspects of the whole thing. Harry’s need to know, his danger level, whether or not he should be considered of age or responsible enough to know what Voldemort is doing, I think the whole thing’s offensive to even ask whether he needs to know anything about Voldemort. But we know there is a very good reason, ultimately, to keep Harry at least somewhat in the dark, in that it protects the plans that the Order have to defeat Voldemort. So with that in mind, let’s talk this through. So Molly first says that Ron and Hermione are too young for this information and to be in the Order of the Phoenix. Sirius is the one who says, “Who says they have to actually be in the Order? Harry has a right to know,” so Sirius again with the assist on Harry. But then Fred and George, who nobody asked, say, “Wait a minute, why can Harry be told stuff but we can’t? Because we’re of age.” And for me, I’m thinking this could have gone so well for Harry. Fred and George probably would have found out eventually, but now they want to throw their hat in, because they’ve been kept out of the loop as well.

Andrew: Yeah, I mean, I understand where they’re coming from. Harry is younger than them; Fred and George are adults. They deserve to know this information, especially when Ron and Hermione are going to be hearing this information too.

Eric: Do you think that the fact that Harry will tell Ron and Hermione – and he admits as such – means that anyone older than Ron and Hermione should also be told?

Andrew: Since they are in the house, yeah. I mean, why not? Fred and George are going to find their own way to get this information out of the trio if they’re not sitting there.

Eric: There’s a certain amount of trust that’s been extended to them all. They are inside the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix.

Andrew: And that’s what we spoke about last week, I think, on the show. By being within this house, there is an unspoken… there’s a trust among this whole group.

Eric: Agreed. And all Sirius can say… he’s not going to engage with the whole “Of age, not of age” thing. He says, “This is up to your parents, ultimately. But as for Harry…” And this is when Molly goes off the deep end. She says, “‘It’s not down to you to decide what’s good for Harry!’ Her normally kindly face looked dangerous.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: She leans on Dumbledore. She says, “Remember what Dumbledore said: Don’t tell him any more than he needs to know.”

Micah: So this is where I start to side a bit with Sirius in that Sirius is Harry’s guardian, and I think for Molly and for us as readers, we forget that there was a full year where Sirius got to be a godfather to Harry, when James and Lily were still alive. And he is definitely immature at times, but he’s still a good human being, and the shots that she takes at Sirius… I’m trying to think who I could possibly compare it to, but it’s not somebody that we would normally associate with Molly’s character.

Andrew: It’s an interesting dichotomy because it’s the woman who was taking care of Harry over the last four years in certain ways, looking out for him, versus, to your point, Micah, the guy who was his godfather IRL, saw him in person for a full year before James and Lily died. So it’s an interesting debate.

Eric: Yeah, and there’s evidence that Sirius cares for Harry and is a good godfather.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah.

Eric: I mean, he gives him the Firebolt, and he gives him all that advice in the last year.

Andrew: I trust him. Is it partly his tone, maybe? Bringing this up right before Molly is trying to send them up to bed? Could Sirius and Molly have hashed this out in advance of Harry getting back?

Eric: That’s exactly it. They’re cooped up together, business associates. They’re in this underground, smoke-filled den of depravity and dung…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … and they just haven’t… yes, I think that Molly is like, “Oh, God, not this now.” Sirius is the one who’s… I think we’re right in thinking he’s having a bit of fun when he at least brings it up. Like, “Yeah, so Harry, you haven’t asked about what’s up with Voldemort.” I’m sure Molly is thinking anything but that right now, like, “Let’s get these people to bed,” and so I think that that knocks her off her edge, and she’s more likely to blow a gasket or say something offensive.

Pam: I wonder, too, if she has, in the time that they’ve all been cooped up together, noticed that Sirius is a little bit stunted of growth as a result of the fact that he’s been incarcerated for so long. And that’s of no fault of his own, but I just wonder if part of the reason why she seems hesitant to trust his judgment is because she sees how prone he is to being rash or doing things that are potentially dangerous, and so she doesn’t want that to rub off on Harry and for Harry to go and do something stupid. We all know Harry is also prone to being rash and playing the hero and jumping the gun. It’s a very Gryffindor trait, and he has that in spades, so…

Eric: It’s just shocking to see, I guess, so little respect for Harry’s legal guardian.

Pam: Yeah, yeah. No, I agree with that.

Eric: And that’s the interesting thing, is Molly has made her mind up about Sirius possibly long ago. Maybe there’s still remnants of thinking that he was a criminal.

Pam: And wasn’t there…? When Dumbledore said that… when he told Sirius to reveal himself to the Weasleys, wasn’t she a little bit dubious?

Eric: Oh, right.

Pam: So you’re right, maybe part of that prejudice has also not completely rubbed off.

Eric: Well, she just doesn’t know Sirius enough to say “He’s not James.” That is such a… and I know the movies are partially at fault for this whole thing, too, but ultimately, I think it’s way out of line for her… if she is having her feelings – which she is – that she needs to be the one to speak for Harry, she is stepping on the toes of Sirius. She is not listening to Lupin and some of these other people that may have different, rational arguments, and she goes straight for the jugular.

Pam: Yeah, Lupin specifically is so rational that it is surprising, you’re right, that she doesn’t concede at least to somebody like him, because he’s so calm and collected.

Micah: One thing I did want to bring up and just wanted to note, and certainly not something, I don’t think, I would have picked up on the last time we were reading this chapter or the time before that, but – and Pam, I definitely want your thoughts on this – is that aside from Tonks, Molly is the only adult woman that’s present, and she’s clearly the only vocal adult woman, and I got a sense of, or a vibe of, her opinion, her voice being drowned out by all the men in the room. You have Arthur, you have Lupin, you have Sirius. Is there anything to that? I’m thinking back to the episodes you did when you were talking about women in Harry Potter, and maybe the author is trying to make a point here.

Pam: Yeah. Well, it’s interesting you say that because I think that perhaps there is something to that, but also, I think at the detriment to Molly, she’s also written really shrilly and very stereotypically like a mother hen, and so when women are often described as being hysterical or too emotional, the idea behind that is that they’re not in their right mind to be making decisions. And so I think that inadvertently, as a result of her being an emotional character, she actually ends up falling prey to some of these stereotypes of women that are not always accurate, because you can be emotional, but also be making a good point, and I think at the end of the day, she really, truly in her heart believes that she’s trying to make the right decision for Harry, but because she’s so emotional, because she’s leading by smothering everybody else and trying to tell everybody else what to do, you cannot separate that, almost, from the way that she’s trying to mother the entire group of adults that are present.

Eric: She’s also guilty of not being able to see Harry for the person that he is, I think, which is… funnily enough, this is exactly what she accuses Sirius of, but I think that all she sees when she looks at Harry is a young child. She know he’s 15, but she forgets that even three years ago, he saved her daughter’s life alone, and…

Pam: Well, she probably doesn’t want to think about how much he’s had to go through at such a young age.

Eric: The trauma. [laughs]

Pam: Right, not only losing his parents, but even the events of the last year, watching Cedric die, watching Voldemort come back, fighting Voldemort… that’s so much to go through for a 14-year-old.

Eric: Right, but these are his credentials.

Pam: Of course.

Eric: These are literally what everyone else is using to be like, “He needs to know.”

Pam: Yeah, yeah. But I think her way is compartmentalizing that; it’s like, “Okay, that happened. That does not mean we have to put him in a position for that to happen again.”

Eric: Right.

Pam: And I almost kind of feel like that’s why Dumbledore is operating the way that he is, and I think he says that later. He’s like, “I was just trying to protect you. I wanted you to stay a child for a little bit longer,” which is a whole other thing, because you also can’t be so obtuse about what’s actually happening in the real world? So it just doesn’t make sense. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, Harry hasn’t been innocent; he’s been abused all these years, to your point.

Pam: Right.

Eric: But so my argument is that Molly can’t see Harry for Harry. The way that she sees that when Sirius looks at Harry, he sees James, she also just sees a child. There’s no half step here that she takes for telling Harry pretty much anything. The only reason he finds out anything is because of the others that go to bat for him.

Micah: Yeah, the whole comparison to James, it makes me wonder how well Molly actually knew James.

Eric: Or Sirius.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah.

Micah: Well, yes. To make that kind of a comment, you need to have some kind of connection to the person that you’re referencing here, and that’s why it falls flat for me. The other piece which comes up during this conversation, which was totally out of line, was her blaming him for being in Azkaban. [laughs]

Andrew: I know. Yeah, not his fault. [laughs]

Eric: “You haven’t exactly been there for Harry, have you?”

Andrew: She’s grasping for straws.

Micah: She’s lost her cool.

Andrew: Yeah. And one more point about how Molly gets depicted in the series and in this chapter in particular: Pam, you described her as being shrill and controlling, loud. Our first introduction – and Harry’s first introduction – to a Howler is from Mrs. Weasley.

Eric: Oh. [laughs]

Pam: Oh my goodness.

Andrew: Which I think also says a lot about how Rowling was trying to depict Molly across this series.

Eric: Forgot about that.

Andrew: She’s the one sending off the Howler and screaming at Harry in front of everybody, and Ron.

Eric: She’s very Dumbledore-esque, isn’t she?

Pam: Well, even, I guess, if we’re going by even movie-isms, the whole “Where have you been?” That’s also very… I feel like that is Molly in a nutshell for so many people, even if she is more than that.

Eric: Yeah. So Arthur Weasley… we’re getting on to some of these peripheral adults who are here. Arthur Weasley does, I think, the coolest thing he could have done – I want to see this depicted somewhere – where in the middle of it all, Molly asks Arthur for support, and he takes his glasses off and just starts to wipe them down, and he’s not responding.

Andrew: He’s exhausted.

Eric: And everyone else just has to wait, and then he puts them back on.

Pam: He’s probably just trying to figure out how he’s going to… what his next move is going to be.

Andrew: Dramatic pause.

Pam: He’s like, “How do I get out of this without having to sleep on the couch later?” [laughs]

Andrew: Happy wife, happy life.

[Micah and Pam laugh]

Eric: You can always do that! Listeners at home, honestly. If you ever need just an extra second to think, take your glasses off and make a show of wiping them down. You’ll get an extra ten seconds.

Pam: I’m going to do what with my invisible glasses and see if it flies the same way.

Eric: Aw, Pam. Join the club.

[Pam laughs]

Micah: Going back to the conversation earlier, could you look at this as another stereotypical moment of the wife having to defer to the husband, to have to support…? Because his voice has impact; his voice has influence. She can’t stand on her own in this moment.

Eric: I think in any partnership, it’s a great check and balance to have your partner be able to be there. And I don’t think Arthur is a bad husband. I don’t think he’s a bad partner.

Micah: No.

Eric: I think normally he would be there to step in and say, “Your mother’s right, boys. Get upstairs.” That’s his normal track. The fact that he doesn’t do that and actually does not side with Molly should show her that she’s gone too far, that she’s too out of the opinion of it. After Arthur says his thing, she’s like, “Well, I’m going to be outvoted.” But yeah, props to Arthur. And I think the interesting thing for me here is that what Molly is specifically arguing against in these moments is giving Harry a blank check to ask any questions he might have. She’s not saying, “Don’t tell him this one thing”; she’s saying, “Don’t let him ask questions.” And this specific nuance here really rubs me the wrong way, because not being able to at least ask a question seems a little, I don’t know, authoritarian. Because ultimately, not letting him ask the question…

Andrew: She’s trying to protect him. But this gets back to a…

Pam: But they could just say, “You can’t know that. Next question.”

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Eric: Like what Dumbledore said at the end of Book 1: “Alas, the first question you asked me, I cannot tell you.” But at least entertain the forum for Harry to ask some things, anything that comes to mind.

Andrew: But this gets back to a point I raised a few minutes ago: Why didn’t they prepare better in advance? Yeah, things are hectic and busy. Why not say, “Hey, Harry is coming tomorrow. Why don’t we say x, y, and z to him?” And come with some opening remarks, and then if Harry wants to ask any other questions, he can. But they had to have known he would want to ask questions. Of course he’s going to.

Eric: It’s a great point. And if you’re at war, which these people are, and you cross into a new territory and meet up with your fellow soldiers, you get briefed. You get briefed on the situation, and where’s Harry’s brief, essentially? He needs that, and that’s what Sirius is fighting to give him. Lupin argues that if Harry is going to get facts, he should get them from them. I agree with that; you can’t trust a game of telephone to get you all the info you need. And pretty much the only thing I can say for Molly is she is actually right that Dumbledore does not want Harry to know certain things, but he did not specify. And here’s another example of how Dumbledore not confiding in his closest allies about something relating to Harry, ultimately, is dangerous for everybody, because if he had just said, “Here’s where the line is; especially now that he’s coming, here’s where the line is,” his allies, these adults would have been a lot more prepared to handle the Harry situation, and therefore the rest of the children that are living at Grimmauld Place.

Andrew: So quick question for everybody – maybe not so quick – whose side would James and Lily be on here?

Eric: I love this.

Andrew: I mean, this is a big question, I think. But I think one reason this chapter is so interesting is because you can see the perspective of both sides. I want to say… well, first I think James has to be on… maybe the answer is James is on Sirius’s side and Lily is on Molly’s side. [laughs]

Eric: Oh my God.

[Pam laughs]

Andrew: No, I think Lily would trust James… sorry. “He’s not James, Sirius!” I think Lily would trust Harry to know a bunch of information about what’s going on.

Pam: This is assuming they lived, but Voldemort is still trying to kill Harry, right? Is that…? Because I need some parameters here. [laughs]

Andrew: Right.

Eric: Well, if Lily and James are also equally in the dark about why Dumbledore doesn’t want to tell him everything, they would probably advocate for…

Pam: No, I think that they would have had to know. I assume that if they were to be alive, then they would know everything. Yeah, I think that for different… I agree; I think that James would probably be on the side of telling Harry more, and I think Lily would probably say, “Listen, we were too young when we entered this war, and I don’t want that for our kid.” But they’d probably come to some happy medium that ends up being like what he’s told in the book.

Eric: It’s an interesting question about which of his parents would side with who in this room, because this argument exists as a result of Harry not having parents, so these people are trying to play at being Harry’s parents. But the other aspect is if Jily… [laughs] Jily and Lames were alive, they would be saying, “We’ll just protect Harry. We don’t need to tell him everything; we’ll just keep him safe.”

Pam: Yeah, but I think that they would also know what parts of themselves their son inherited, and I think that the idea of Harry being rash like Sirius, like James was – what we know of James – I think that they would have known that they would have had to tell him something in an effort to get him to cool his jets a bit while he’s over at Hogwarts, because they can’t protect him there.

Andrew: Right.

Eric: Micah, any thoughts?

Micah: It is a good question because it’s so hard to answer. Like Pam was saying, you need some parameters around it, because if I’m imagining James and Lily just kind of hovering over the kitchen in the smoke that’s coming from Mundungus’s pipe…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: … observing all that’s going on, I do think that Lily would, in part, side with Molly from a protective standpoint, but I also think she would want to make sure that her son was armed with the most information possible, so I could see her also leaning in the direction of Sirius. It’s also hard because we don’t really know them as characters.

Andrew: Yeah. Brave, fighting the greater good, Gryffindors.

Eric: Yeah, I think of them as Aurors, although that’s probably not true. It’s just the fact that they thrice defied Voldemort; they’ve gone toe to toe with Voldemort as much as possible. The topic of what Voldemort is up to and what he’s doing would have been extremely important for James and Lily to know at all times, and therefore, if they were somehow still alive and still on the run from Voldemort, you’d better bet your butt that they would tell Harry everything.

Micah: Yeah, that’s what makes me think that they wouldn’t necessarily disagree with Molly’s intentions, but I think they would ultimately side with Harry getting more information.

Eric: Well, yeah, I don’t disagree with Molly’s intentions either, but yeah, the methods is just wild. So we have more to come after a word from our sponsors.

[Ad break]

Andrew: We also wanted to look at the uphill struggle against willful ignorance in the wizarding world right now. And Sirius tells Harry that it was great that they had so quickly a heads up when Voldemort returned, and it gave the Order an advantage. We’ve got to give props to Dumbledore here.

Eric: Ugh.

Andrew: Sirius said it was only because Harry went to Dumbledore, and then Dumbledore got the band back together so quick, that they were able to start moving on fighting back against Voldemort. So give Dumbledore some props, okay?

Eric: It’s funny because Harry is like, “So what did that do?”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: And it’s true that he has not yet seen a direct result. He hasn’t himself witnessed… Harry has not witnessed the benefits of his own actions, telling Dumbledore. He’s like, “Yeah, you got a headquarters, but you’re not telling me any information, so how do I know you even have any information to give?” is kind of a fun angle. But yeah, the Order is in a bad spot. Sirius talks about how he himself is still a wanted man; he’s not able to go out. They can’t hand out leaflets. They can’t… the position that the Ministry has taken means they can’t openly recruit for the Order of the Phoenix. This is the struggle against ignorance. It’s literally like the whole world doesn’t know and isn’t being told by the powers that be that Voldemort is back, and that is such a disadvantage to everyone who’s not already in the Order.

Micah: Doesn’t Little Hangleton have CCTV?

Andrew: Probably.

Micah: Is that not something that Dumbledore could bring as evidence to Fudge and say, “Hey, check out this event in the graveyard that happened”? [laughs]

Eric: If anywhere in Little Hangleton had CCTV, it’s a graveyard, because they’re very secure.

Micah: See?

Andrew: I don’t think there’s security cameras in graveyards. That seems like an invasion.

Eric: There is, because they have to deter grave robbers.

Andrew: Maybe. I don’t know; I have a hard time picturing that.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: Okay, that’s an aside. We’ll do some research later. But yeah, there’s a time to credit Dumbledore a little later, but here, let’s talk about Fudge. He’s keeping the public in the dark. Lupin says that being unaware makes the public much easier targets for Death Eaters also, especially on the point of the Imperius Curse. This is something that I find very interesting, because the Death Eaters, we know, are not afraid to use the Unforgivable Curses, but with Imperio specifically, you’re so much more susceptible if you’re not even aware that somebody’s going to come at you and just cast it. So there’s an example of how Fudge’s actions and his fears and everything he’s doing just make people victims; people are so innocent and so susceptible because of this choice that their Minister has made.

Andrew: And all in part because of Fudge’s ego. He hates that Dumbledore – he thinks – wanted his position as top dog at the Ministry. I love the politics of all this, too, as we learn in this chapter.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. It’s well developed. You could hate the situation but be like, “This is really interesting.” Fudge is also leaning on the Daily Prophet; he’s suppressing whatever stories there would be; he’s raising politically motivated discourse; he’s encouraging everybody to discredit Harry and Dumbledore, which is what Hermione was saying in the previous chapter. And so even if they do hear what a member of the Order of the Phoenix were to tell them, “Voldemort’s back,” they’re less inclined to believe it. And this is the part where Fudge crosses over, in my mind, from unconscionable to completely insanely unforgivable, because that’s really the issue. If you have really allowed for skepticism on this part, you are so much worse than somebody who’s just ignorant, because you’re causing so much… now there’s so much… they’re going to have to work so much harder to get anyone to believe them. The truth, by the way.

Andrew: Right, right. And this is something that would have been interesting to see, too, post-Book 7. How does a new Ministry of Magic regain the trust of its citizens when it’s been broken so far?

Eric: Oooh.

Andrew: Not to mention the Daily Prophet. Totally in the gutter in terms of its reputation.

Eric: Is there any fantasy series with good news media? Like, honestly.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: I need to escape into a book about good journalism. [laughs]

Micah: And I like the fact that you framed this as an uphill battle. It really paints the picture, the conversation that happens here, just how much the Order is up against. It’s not just Voldemort; it’s Fudge and the Ministry, it’s the Daily Prophet, and it’s meant to convey to the reader that, “Look, this is the adult side of what’s happening now in the wizarding world.” Because for so long, we were just so focused on what was going on at Hogwarts with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Now it’s… we often talk about how the world opens up as these books go on, and this is another example of that.

Eric: Well, that’s a great point. Because again, yeah, like you’re saying, this might be the first time we really get a sense of what it’s like to be an adult in the wizarding world. When all that stuff with the Chamber of Secrets was happening and they were like, “Oh yeah, the Board of Governors wants to close Hogwarts,” you’re like, “Oh, that must be what it’s like to be an adult in the wizarding world and be a school administrator.” But everybody else that’s an adult is having to go to work, worry about their own safety, worrying about their family, worrying about their reputation, having to sneak around, provide misinformation so that their allies can succeed… being an adult right now sucks harder than being a Hogwarts student, and that’s saying something. It also really draws to light how much the Order members are all kind of misfits. I mentioned earlier, but Sirius is a wanted man; he can’t leave his house. Lupin has a funny line about not being invited to dinner places because of his werewolf status. [laughs]

Andrew: Aww. That’s not funny; that’s sad, Eric.

Eric: Somebody get this man an invite to your dinner party; the raw steak will be delicious. And unfortunately, I think what they’re doing is apologizing in advance for why they haven’t made more gains. Harry is like, “What do you have to show me?” Honestly, not much.

Andrew: Yeah. But here’s another plus one for Dumbledore, because it’s noted here that Dumbledore is the only one who’s been pounding the alarm and sticking his head out about Voldemort being back. No other Order member is able to do this. It’s because…

Micah: No other Order member is in a position to do that.

Eric: I was going to say, it’s because it’s him, isn’t it? It’s him. It’s always him.

Andrew: Yes. Sure, but you’ve still got to credit Big D. Dumbledore is the only one who’s able and willing. He doesn’t have to stick his head out; he could get thrown in prison. That is stated in this chapter. He can’t push it too much because he could get thrown into Azkaban, and then Voldemort would have an easier time rising.

Pam: Yeah, and I love that line Charlie has where he says, “Dumbledore doesn’t care as long as he gets to stay on the Chocolate Frog Cards.”

[Eric and Pam laugh]

Andrew: That’s great.

Pam: That’s so good.

Andrew: And Dumbledore told him that, too.

Pam: I mean, obviously he wants to make sure he’s around, yeah, but it’s like… that’s such a great way to diffuse the worry that I’m sure a lot of them have about him being demoted or losing some of these big accolades that are… they’re all being stripped to discredit him, to your point.

Eric: It’s honestly…

Andrew: It’s so Dumbledore.

Pam: Yeah, it is. [laughs]

Eric: It’s pretty badass. The reason we’re not having a “Where’s Dumbledore?” segment this week is because he just stuck his neck out bigly for the Wizengamot. And you can imagine that that statement would have just been amazing to witness, Dumbledore coming out to his fellow Wizengamot members and being like, “I have an announcement. Voldemort is back.” And then just being… trying to shut him down and him keep going and just get the information out.

Micah: Yeah. The hard part right now is there’s not a whole lot of evidence for Dumbledore to present. It’s really just his word. What else are you going to put in front of the Wizengamot or Fudge to prove otherwise?

Andrew: Harry. Harry James Potter.

Micah: Yeah, not going to really do too much there, in my opinion.

[Andrew laughs]

Pam: Just give him some Veritaserum and call it a day.

Andrew: Yes, exactly!

[Pam laughs]

Eric: So Molly… ultimately, the only control she was able to exert in the end was putting Ginny to bed, which is a darn shame. But she comes back just as they’re mentioning the prophecy, and says, “Well, that’s enough. You’ve told him far enough already.” And I guess that’s where we have to leave things for this chapter, so that was exciting.


Odds & Ends


Eric: But we do have a number of odds and ends to get into.

Andrew: There was an Evanesco appearance in this chapter from Bill; it’s when he has some papers out, some scrolls, and Mrs. Weasley doesn’t want the kids to see them, so he Evanescos them away. And the reason I bring this up is because they just get moved somewhere else; they’re not disintegrated and thrown into a fire, never to be seen again. And yet, we all can never forget that day when Pottermore/Wizarding World on Twitter said, “Hey, by the way, everybody, I know nobody was asking, but Evanesco is great for when a student pees on the floor and it needs to be cleaned up.” I’m paraphrasing, but I was like, “Wait, that’s how Evanesco is used in this chapter; it’s not how it’s been described on social media by official Wizarding World accounts.”

Eric: It’s not all it can do. [laughs]

Andrew: It’s a very versatile spell.

Eric: I think what it was was before Hogwarts had indoor plumbing – because that was only invented at a certain year – and it’s like, “Oh, before that, the wizard just used the Vanishing sp…” It’s like, “Oh, God.” But thank you, Andrew, as always, for keeping right on top of any reference to…

Andrew: I keep an eye on the number 7, the number 12, and Evanesco.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Those are my three lanes.

Micah: Very important. Two things that caught my eye – one was just a warmhearted moment – Crookshanks balling up on Sirius’s lap, and I just thought, “They’ve been buddies since Prisoner of Azkaban.” Because I was thinking to myself, “Well, wait, why is Crookshanks being so nice to Sirius?” And then I remembered back, their communication in Book 3.

Eric: They’re buddies.

Micah: And then we have a foreshadow alert.

[Foreshadowing sound effect plays]

Micah: When Fred and George are using magic to try and help Molly out with dinner, they end up dropping a knife, and the knife drops right where Sirius’s right hand was previously.

Andrew and Eric: Ooh.

Andrew: Good one.

Micah: Now, can I ask a question on this, though? If Molly hadn’t yelled at them, do we think everything would have flown all over the place?

Andrew: Ehh, that probably wasn’t helpful.

Eric: They’ve got it under control.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, they got it… no, because the cauldron, yes, it sloshes a little bit, but it stops at the end of the table. They’re good. They’re good.

Micah: Poor Sirius.

Andrew: I want to throw out another foreshadow alert, too: Dung actually asks Sirius about a 15th century solid silver goblet, and to me, this is foreshadowing Dung ransacking the place after Sirius Black dies. Curious about what he’s got on hand there.

Eric: [laughs] Also, we’re always looking for evidence of the Horcrux inside Harry that negatively affects his mood, and I found what I think is my favorite one that we’ve ever covered before, which is when Ron and Hermione are arguing to be included, Ron says, “Harry’ll tell me and Hermione everything you say anyway! Won’t – won’t you?’ he added uncertainly.” And then it says – douche Harry is about to come out – it says, “For a split second, Harry considered telling Ron that he wouldn’t tell him a single word, that he could try a taste of being kept in the dark and see how he liked it. But the nasty impulse vanished as they looked at each other.” And then he says, “‘Course I will,” and Ron and Hermione both beamed. I think they’re relieved. So this moment of Harry’s instinct… his mood is rotten; he’s still pissed at them, and he’s inclined to actually tell Ron, “No, I’m not telling you anything.” But then he looks at his friends, and what’s happening is the same thing that happened with the Dementors earlier in this book: He’s overcome with love. Even in the most dire circumstances, it bursts out of him. He can cast a whole Patronus; it drives out this influence from Voldemort. And we know that when Voldemort tries to take possession of Harry at the end of this book, it’s that love that drives Voldemort out. So the closeness, the quickness with which Harry looks at Ron, and all of a sudden this nasty crap evaporates, and he tells Ron, “Of course I’ll tell you everything.” Wow. I think that’s an example of the Horcrux’s influence on Harry.

Andrew: “The weapon we have is love!” to quote the wizard wrock song by… who was that? Harry and the Potters.

Eric: Harry and the Potters.


Lynx Line


Eric: So before we wrap the chapter, we have a Lynx Line question this week, which is… I’m very fond of these answers. And we asked the question: The Order of the Phoenix is made up of teachers, parents, criminals, Aurors, and more. But when we think about the group and our favorite members, what characters stick out from the Potter series that haven’t joined the Order – at least as of where we’re reading now in Book 5 – and how would the series be different if they had joined the Order? So what characters aren’t in the Order but should be? And we heard from Leah Jamison, who says,

“Firenze. It’s always a good idea to include different perspectives, and having more non-human beings like centaurs would bring a certain… wisdom? to the group’s decisions. Plus, he’s been ‘othered’ from the herd at Hogwarts, so he might need somewhere to go.”

Andrew: Breann said,

“Professor Flitwick. I feel like he is such an under-appreciated character who is pretty badass with charms.”

And a few other listeners said Flitwick as well. For example, Barry said,

“Former dueling champion is exactly who you need. Also, Ollivander would be a great resource, even if he feels a little chaotic neutral as a member.”

Micah: Monet said,

“Oliver Wood! They need some new grad/young blood on the team! He’s strategic, nimble, and athletic.”

[Eric laughs]

“Plus, since he’s playing professional Quidditch, he can make oh-so-important alliances cross-country and internationally and travel without suspicion.”

Eric: Oh, I like that last part. Travel without suspicion.

Andrew: Mev said, “Neville’s grandmother. She is badass.”

Eric: Oh, that’s such a good one.

Pam: Do you think she would agree, though? I don’t know. I go back and forth on whether or not she would.

Andrew: [in an old lady voice] “Oh, I want no part of this. Let me stay at home. I’m too old for this, for Dumbledore’s latest antics.”

[Micah laughs]

Pam: “My son and his wife are at St. Mungo’s. I’ve had enough.” [laughs]

Eric: Oh my God. I think… yeah, you’ve solved it, Pam, why Dumbledore hasn’t invited her.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “She’s been through too much.”

Eric: I bet she would have words with Dumbledore if he was like, “Do you want to join my Order?” And she’s like, “Your cause…”

Pam: “I’ll show up for the final battle, but not a second before.”

Eric: Oh, man.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Andrew: Well, how about this lady? Rachel said,

“As awesome as it would be for the owners of Honeydukes to drop in with snacks, my answer is Madame Hooch. Seriously, what happened to her? She always seems so shrewd. She’d be a good addition.”

Eric: Jennifer says,

“I think for the purposes of camaraderie through the wizarding world, we should include the goblins. They have control of Gringotts bank. They know all its secrets. Bring the goblins and humans together to help fight Voldemort.”

I’ve got to say, this is reminding me – between Firenze, goblins, all these other suggestions – that for somebody who preaches international magical cooperation, and read that to be multi-species cooperation, Dumbledore’s Order of the Phoenix is not very diverse in species.

Andrew: No. I really like this one from Kuroichloe:

“Ernie from the Knight Bus! I feel like Dumbledore would find value in a bus driver who sees and hears all kinds of things while out on his route, just like how Mundungus Fletcher is a good ally in the underground scenes. Plus, free transportation for Order members!”

Andrew: [laughs] That’s a really funny one.

Eric: From Steph:

“Wilkie Twycross (the Apparition instructor who works at the Department of Magical Transportation). Imagine how much easier Harry’s trip from Privet Drive to the Burrow would have been with an insider on board, and he’s such a wet blanket that no one would suspect him to be part of the Order, so he’d fly under the radar (both literally and figuratively).”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Thank you, patrons, for submitting those answers. We are really liking this new segment that we have over on our Patreon. Stay tuned for more questions and answers in the weeks and months ahead.


MVP of the Week


Andrew: And now it’s time for MVP of the Week, and this week’s theme, Eric?

Eric: … is most outrageous, over the top thing that Molly Weasley does in this chapter.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: I’m going to give it to when she says, “He’s not James, Sirius!” That was a low blow.

Eric: Yeah, Sirius didn’t say he was. Hello.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Okay, I think it’s still the interrupting Dung’s apology, because darn it, I would have wanted to hear, or read that, so… [laughs] Just to tell him off for smoking. Come on.

Micah: I am actually going to let Pam go first here, because I am going to plus one what she says.

Pam: Okay.

Eric: Good strategy, Micah.

Pam: [laughs] Mine is throwing Sirius’s wrongful incarceration right back in his face, because that was ridiculous.

Micah: Yep, that was probably the worst thing she said to him.

Eric: Yeah, there’s a lot of bad things, but yeah, I’ll agree.

Andrew: Listeners, if you have feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. We also have the contact form on MuggleCast.com, and I think we’re going to have a Muggle Mail episode in the next couple of weeks.

Eric: In two weeks.

Andrew: Two weeks’ time. Next week, as we approach Halloween, we’re going to have a special episode for everybody that we are calling the Wizarding World g;;raveyard, but we’re not looking at canon; we’re going to look at the various parts of the Harry Potter franchise that have been buried by Warner Bros. and Rowling over the years.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Things like Pottermore, Wizards Unite. I’m actually wearing a Wizards Unite T-shirt right now. And actually, I don’t know if you three saw, but just the other day they put something else in the graveyard, but I’m going to leave it right there as a teaser for next week.

Eric: What is it? Oh, no!

Andrew: You’re just going to have to find out. Just going to have to peek into next week’s doc. [laughs]

Eric: Fair enough.

Andrew: We’ve got a good list already going in that doc, which is also another Patreon benefit. You get access to our planning docs.


Quizzitch


Andrew: So now it is time for everybody’s favorite game show, one that will never be buried, Quizzitch!

Eric: Aww.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question was: In honor of the portrait of Walburga Black, what famous artist and sculptor was given an exclusive license to use a material known as blackest black? This really happened; you can Google it. The correct answer was Anish Kapoor, and 32% of people said they didn’t look this up. He is definitely a name in the art world. So last week’s winners were as follows: A Ravenclaw in Maryland; Andrew’s Elbow… oh, that was nice of your elbow, Andrew, to submit a Quizzitch answer.

Andrew: Okay…

Eric: … Crookshanks’s squashed and fried eggy face after Ron hit it with a frying pan he was using to make breakfast; Distant relative Vantablack Black… [laughs] That’s actually an Anish Kapoor reference. Very clever. Elizabeth K.; I am studying art in college and we talked about the feud over it today so I was very happy when I heard the Quizzitch question… wow, what are the odds of that? Jim Dale is my husband; Loeblack Slow, Black, Crow, Black, Fishing Boat Bobbing Sea… I don’t know what that’s a reference to. Me checking Temu’s “new arrivals” every day for Laura’s Pants…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … Patronus Seeker; PUFF DOWN UNDER; Sirius in Tibet (Max that); and The wand that Neville left in his back pocket that made his bottom so long. And here is next week’s question: Since there was a lot of talk in this chapter about being of age, please – Quizzitch entrance – name a nation within the United Kingdom where the legal voting age is 16 years. That’s kind of early, kind of young to be voting.

Micah: I thought that you were doing this in celebration of the upcoming Election Day here in the United States.

Eric: I don’t want to think about the Election Day. Nope, not thinking about it.

Micah: Reminding people to register to vote, and to go out and vote.

Eric: You should register to vote.

Andrew: IWillVote.com, my favorite website.

Eric: In the United States, you have to be 18 years of age to vote, but what nations can you be 16 within the United Kingdom? That’s a good reference, Micah. It’s definitely worthwhile. Everybody, check your voter registration status. And submit your Quizzitch answers to us on the Quizzitch form, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav if you’re already on our website, looking at transcripts, checking out must listens, or any other thing that you would do.

Andrew: And this show is brought to you by Muggles like you. We are an independent podcast, and because of that, your financial support is very important. In fact, it’s the only reason we’ve been able to podcast for 19 years and counting. We’ve got three great ways you can help us out: If you’re an Apple Podcasts user, subscribe to MuggleCast Gold. You get ad-free and early access to MuggleCast, plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month. we’re going to be recording a brand new one after today’s episode. For even more benefits, hit up Patreon.com/MuggleCast. You get the Lynx Line, the livestreams, a personal video message from one of the four of us, and a whole lot more. Also, number three best way to support us: Visit MuggleCastMerch.com for all your brand new merchandise. Don’t go to Temu for Laura’s pants; come to MuggleCastMerch.com for Laura’s pants. I don’t even think Pam gets this reference, and she’s probably very concerned about what we’re talking about right now.

Eric: Don’t worry, Pam, it’s…

Pam: Yeah, what are you guys doing with Laura’s pants? [laughs]

Eric: Sending them back to her.

Andrew: We’re going to produce them in mass.

Micah: Returning them.

[Everyone laughs]

Pam: Okay. [laughs]

Andrew: Don’t worry; she’s cool with this. It’s an old joke.

Pam: All right, all right, got it.

Andrew: If you enjoy MuggleCast and think other Muggles would, too, tell a friend about the show, and we would love a five star review in your favorite podcast app. Pam, thanks again for joining us on today’s episode.

Pam: Yeah, thanks for having me.

Andrew: We’ll catch you on What the Hype?! and Millennial every week too. Well, thanks, everybody, for listening once again. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Pam: And I’m Pamela.

Andrew: Bye, everybody!

Eric, Micah, and Pam: Bye.

Transcript #678

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #678, Sugar Daddy Harry (OOTP Chapter 4, Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the Wizarding World fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And this week, come join us as we analyze Order of the Phoenix Chapter 4, “Number 12 Grimmauld Place,” but be sure to tiptoe down the hall quietly, because we don’t want to wake up Walburga Black. I don’t know if I’ve ever pronounced her name out loud before. Walburga? Did I get that right?

Laura: Yeah, that’s how I would say it. To be honest with you, I forgot that was her name until I Googled her, so there we go. [laughs]

Micah: Gotta say, “Wall-burga!”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: That’s what I was thinking. It sounds like Wahlburgers. Now I’m going to go get a Wahlburger after the show.

Eric: You know when you’re in college and you’re working, you’re studying all day, and then you and your friends go out at night for a Wahl-burga?

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Wahl-burga.

Eric: And fries?

Andrew: I’ve never had a Wahlburger.

Eric: Yeah, it’s good.

Micah: What do you think her nickname was?

Eric: Wally.

Micah: Molly had… Wallywobbles.

Eric: Wallywobbles, then.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: I like Wally.

Eric: I think Mr. Black, dearly departed Mr. Black, probably called her Wallywobbles.

Andrew: Well, before we get started with Chapter by Chapter, we have some actually pretty exciting news: We now have an official merch store available at MuggleCastMerch.com. This is the new home of all MuggleCast merchandise, all original MuggleCast merchandise. This is stuff we haven’t released to patrons either; this is all brand new stuff. We have T-shirts, sweaters, hoodies, hats, and we will be rolling out more in the months ahead. We even have Security Nightmare gear, including a couple things that say “Security Consultant” on them, and that means you will be hired at Hogwarts to finally get that place under control. I mentioned a hat; we’re calling it the MuggleCap in the store. We have drinkware. We even have a Pickle Pack shirt!

Eric: This stuff has never existed before, which is a big moment of excitement for me. And also, Andrew, what are you wearing right now?

Andrew: I’m glad you asked. I’m wearing a “We criticize because we care” T-shirt, and this shirt and other designs have our iconic mic bolt design on them as well. This shirt… it’s a common refrain on the show, “We criticize because we care.”

Eric: It’s true.

Andrew: We’ve gotten feedback over the years. “Why are you guys complaining about this or that?” We’re criticizing because we want to see the fandom thrive! We want to see the story thrive! We criticize because we care. So this shirt is not just for people in the Harry Potter fandom; it’s for people in all fandoms, because it’s a common issue everywhere. We do ship worldwide, and like I said, we plan to roll out new products in the months ahead, so stay tuned. How about y’all? What are you most looking forward to wearing?

Eric: I definitely got a Security Consultant – or Security Nightmare – shirt, and that’s on order, as well as some of the glassware. We have glassware.

Laura: Look how fancy we are.

Andrew: Very sophisticated.

Eric: It says “Potions Master” on it, which I love.

Micah: Old fashioned would look nice in that.

Eric: Yeah, mix me up a cocktail. And Micah, you have to come to Chicago and bring yours, and then we’ll mix them up.

Andrew: We have a MuggleCast mug as well, and there’s a strong emphasis on “Mug” in MuggleCast, as you’ll see in the design. Slug Club patrons right now have access to a special discount code, so please check that out, Slug Club patrons. They were the first to receive access to the store. So yeah, once again, MuggleCastMerch.com. For the first time ever, we have an official merch store. This is a new opportunity to support us, and we know people have been asking for MuggleCast merch outside of Patreon, so it’s a win-win. Check it all out. Thanks, everybody.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: And now it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 4, “Number 12 Grimmauld Place.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: I love saying those numbers back to back.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: And Eric, we got a Time-Turner segment this week, right?

Eric: We do, we do. Yes, we last discussed this chapter on Episode 229, called “Sunglasses Not Recommended.” Okay. And also Episode 436 – this one makes sense – it’s called “ALL CAPS” in all caps.

Andrew: Ooh, good one.

Eric: And that was… so 229 was on May 27, 2011, and 436 was September 23, 2019. Over five years ago. I’ve got to say, for this week’s audio clip of the Time-Turner segment, it’s rated PG-13. I just want to put that out there.

Andrew: Oh, boy.

Eric: Luke, Forrest, cover your ears.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: I’m sorry, but Micah has been bringing it with the innuendo, and this week, I decided to let him.

Laura: Oh, dear.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 229.

Eric: We learn that Bill Weasley is home from Egypt; he’s taken a desk job at Gringotts in London. And we also find out that “old Fleur Delacour” is working at Gringotts and getting private English lessons from Bill.

Andrew: Private English lessons.

Eric: Right.

Andrew: Locked in a room all by themselves.

Eric: Yes, funny how…

Andrew: I can see where true love is going to spark now.

Eric: Bill is being very…

Micah: Yeah, she was probably having some fun with those Knuts.

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 436.

Andrew: A couple pages later, Harry describes the house “as though it belonged to the Darkest of wizards,” which I found interesting because two books ago, that was Sirius to Harry. He was the Darkest of wizards.

Eric: Oh, man. I love that.

Laura: That’s a really nice kind of connecting the threats moment. I love that.

Andrew: Yay, I did one.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Go Andrew.

[Whooshing sound]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Micah: Andrew is just the setup man. He set me up for that joke, if you listen back to 229.

Andrew: There you go.

Eric: Hey, you had to take it.

Laura: And what I love about it is it’s a blink and you’ll miss it moment. I love it.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Laura: Well, I love reflecting on this chapter because reading it back at this point, so much about what is going to go down in this book is, in retrospect, incredibly obvious, because we have a lot of setup happening here. First and foremost, the foreshadowing about Sirius’s eventual unaliving is really blunt, and I’m wondering if any of us picked up on any of this the first time. So we have Grimmauld Place, which really just sounds like it’s intended to be like “Grim old place,” which I think is a great descriptor for Sirius’s childhood home. There’s of course the connection to Sirius’s Animagus form being mistaken for the Grim, which is the omen of death two years prior. And when they enter the home, Harry and the Advance Guard, it’s noted that “it was as though they had just entered the house of a dying person,” because they’re speaking in hushed tones. Mrs. Weasley also warns Harry to keep quiet so as to not wake anything up, which I think just lends a sense of foreboding of what the heck they’re walking into here. And Andrew, you had something else you wanted to call out?

Andrew: Well, yeah, I just wanted to mention because we see it used across the series; here is another example of the number 12 being used, and this is probably one of the most prominent uses of number 12 in the series. But yeah, I don’t remember personally reading this the first time and thinking, “There’s bad news ahead for one of the characters,” but at this point in the series, we’re five books in. Somebody either gets unalived or disappears by the end of the book, so maybe I should have been more cautious when reading this and thinking, “Well, somebody’s going to be disappearing. Maybe it’s going to be a Black with all this foreshadowing that’s going on around here.”

Eric: I just remember feeling a sense of dread this whole book, but because it starts off Harry is in such a bad place, and now this new place is not exciting in a happy way.

Micah: It’s not the Burrow.

Eric: Yeah, “What great terror awaits us around this corner? Or in this drawer?” is something that everyone’s asking, and it’s depressing.

Laura: Speaking of depressing, Harry is still feeling really isolated in this moment, even though he’s having a couple of reunions here. Mrs. Weasley pretty quickly shoos him off to the room that he’s going to be staying in, which is where Ron and Hermione are hanging out right now, and she does this in the service of getting him out of the way so that she and the other adults can go to an Order meeting that the kids are not allowed to go to. And I thought this would be a really good opportunity for us to reestablish the conversation we’ve had over the years of “Is the Horcrux acting up here?” because initially, Harry feels a “warm glow” flare inside of him at the sight of his two best friends…

Andrew: Aww.

Laura: … but he suddenly feels it “extinguished as something icy flooded the pit of his stomach. All of a sudden – after yearning to see them for a solid month – he felt he would rather Ron and Hermione left him alone.”

Andrew: Wow.

Laura: So I thought it would be interesting for us to watch for the actual descriptors, the adjectives that are at play when these moments happen, when Harry is really agitated, or we see him described as starting to get ticked off really quickly, because I think there might be some clues here that we can use to justify whether or not we think this is Horcrux influence or it’s just Harry. And to me, when I read this description of something icy flooding the pit of his stomach, it feels like the Horcrux to me.

Eric: Yeah, you expect to hear a sound cue that’s like, [makes a drooping noise]

Laura: Right.

Andrew: [imitating Voldemort] “Don’t get too happy! I’m still haunting you!”

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Yeah, moments like these can definitely be attributed to the Horcrux, but I also think that it’s important to note that the Horcrux needs to feed off of certain emotions. Harry is behaving much how we would expect a 15-year-old who’s been isolated all summer from his friends to behave, but there’s this extra edge to him in this chapter, and really, we haven’t seen Harry like this before; we haven’t seen these emotions bubble up to the surface. But this is that initial moment… like you said, Laura, there’s this warm glow initially to see the people that he has been longing to see for so long and spend some time with, but then it’s almost like he catches himself and he puts himself in check and says, “Hold on. These are also the people who haven’t been talking to me all summer long, so I’m going to let loose.”

Eric: Yeah. Like, “Wait a minute, I’m mad at these people!”

Andrew: Yeah. Well, and also, it is exciting to see Ron and Hermione, but they’re in this very depressing area. Like, “Oh, this is cool, but where are we right now?” I mean, he still doesn’t even know this is a Black family home.

Eric: No, he’s desperate to be so mad at them, and when he finds out that they’ve been miserable too, or in the same awful place, the fact that he really can’t be mad at them and shouldn’t be mad at them to begin with, it doesn’t stop him from blowing up, because he just needs to get this out. And to Micah’s point about Harry behaving in a way in which you’d expect, Hermione and Ron did expect this. They expected him to be angry. Hermione says as much at least twice, like, “We knew that if you were left alone and given no info…” And Harry says things that aren’t quite fair. And the problem is… I think it’s pretty clear the person he should be mad at exclusively is Dumbledore, but Dumbledore is untouchable. You can’t be mad at Dumbledore because Dumbledore ain’t around. He’s not taking any calls. Nobody talk to him; he’s away. So in the meantime, his friends get shouted at, and it’s not great.

Andrew: I like this question from Ariane Beth, who’s listening live on our Patreon right now: “Could Harry’s Horcrux also be reacting to proximity to the locket? Which is there until Sirius dies and Mundungus ransacks the place.” So that’s a good theory, right?

Laura: Yeah, I mean, Harry, I think, would certainly be more susceptible to being sensitive to it. We’ll have to pay attention to what happens when we actually see the locket, because we are going to see it.

Eric: It’s funny; from what I recall, nothing happens? They don’t feel a sense of dread or anything? They’re actually curious more than ever, because when they find it during cleaning, every single one of them gets a chance to try and open it, and they can’t open it, so they’re all kind of exposing themselves, getting really, really close to the locket, and it’s just a locket. It’s fun that it’s mentioned, but none of them seem to come down with anything. But what I was just thinking of was what if the locket has really expanded on that sense of dread? Because it’s been in this house for many years now at this point, so what if it’s taken over… as we know that it’s contained in the locket, but this particular Horcrux has a way of emanating out and making everyone around it miserable, so what if at this point it’s confined in the whole house? And not just…

Laura: That’s interesting.

Eric: I wonder if… and then that would explain why everything is so grim, on top of the fact that there are just grim circumstances in the world.

Micah: Don’t we attribute the locket to why Kreacher behaves much of the way that he does as well? Because he’s in possession of it?

Eric: Yeah, either the locket or the potion, but he definitely keeps the locket real close.

Micah: One question I did want to ask, though, about this iciness that he gets in his stomach: Couldn’t that just be anxiety? Couldn’t it be nerves building up as he’s about to explode?

Laura: Yeah, for sure.

Andrew: Yeah, because now he knows… he’s excited to see Ron and Hermione, but now he knows he needs to have a talking with them, because he’s got feelings that he needs to get out. So yeah, that could explain it.

Laura: Yeah, and maybe some fear, too, because I’m sure there’s got to be not only anxiety driving the response that he has here, but he probably is a little bit afraid of yelling at his friends, deep down.

Andrew: I would be too! That’s tough. They deserve it, but that’s tough.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Do they? No, no, they don’t. No, they don’t.

Laura: Well, let’s actually talk about some specific examples of Harry’s Caps Lock rant, and talk about whether we think they’re mostly being driven by Harry himself, or are they being driven by the Horcrux? And I’m actually wondering if I can get some dramatic readings out of y’all. So has anyone had a hard day? Does anyone feel like shouting?

Andrew: I think Micah said he had a hard day. Let’s have Micah do it.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Come on, get the rage out, Micah. This is like ax-throwing, but on a podcast.

Micah: Well, I’ll start with a little bit of self-doubt and calmness. “Maybe he thinks I can’t be trusted.”

Laura: This is about Dumbledore. Harry or Horcrux, y’all?

Andrew: Harry.

Eric: That one’s Harry, just because that level of insecurity… he says it in a way that it’s like it would be unfair and ridiculous for Dumbledore to think that, but it’s real, raw insecurity. That’s what Harry’s best explanation is for why Dumbledore is not being forthcoming with him.

Laura: Yeah. All right, Micah, are you ready?

Micah: I’m ready. Let’s go.

Laura: Okay.

Micah: “YOU’VE STILL BEEN HERE, HAVEN’T YOU? YOU’VE STILL BEEN TOGETHER!”

Eric: Ohh.

Andrew: Oh my God, that was scary as hell.

Micah: [laughs] Well, wasn’t that the idea?

Andrew: I don’t like that. Laura, this was a bad idea.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: I think I triggered Andrew.

Andrew: I feel like I just saw the beast in Beauty and the Beast when he’s raging.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: “STAY OUT OF THE WEST WING!”

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Oh, incredible.

Andrew: No, that was great, Micah.

Micah: Harry, right?

Laura: Yeah, I think so.

Eric: That one… yeah, he’s holding it against them that Hermione… yeah, it’s just unfair, but it’s all Harry, I think.

Laura: All right, anyone else want to shout?

Eric: I’ll do this one. “I’VE HANDLED MORE THAN YOU TWO’VE EVER MANAGED AND DUMBLEDORE KNOWS IT!”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Damn, Harry. That’s so rude.

Andrew: Yeah, it’s a little much.

Eric: What are we thinking?

Andrew: I’m going to say Horcrux Harry.

Micah: Agree.

Eric: Okay. How come?

Andrew: It’s just out of character to say, “I’ve done more than you two have, so why am I in the dark?”

Eric: Well, and he says things like, “Who fought the…? Who got the Stone? Who went to the Chamber?” It’s like, “Dude, you didn’t do that in a vacuum, okay? These two were with you.”

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Ron literally laid down himself to get you as far as the Stone. It’s completely uncalled for. And it gives me… it’s giving Voldemort when he says, “I, who have traveled further and studied more and done more than the others to evade death. I’ve gone farther than any other wizard.” It’s literally like…

Micah: He’s bragging.

Eric: He’s bragging, yeah. “I’ve handled more than you two.”

Micah: And he invokes Dumbledore.

Eric: Well, this isn’t a job interview. He doesn’t need to prove to them that he’s qualified. They’re his best friends, and he’s their best friend. That’s why I think it’s Horcrux.

Laura: Yeah, this is petty. Harry is not really a petty person, not really, so I agree.

Eric: Well, and to Micah’s point, too, the mention of Dumbledore. If anything is going to bring the Horcrux in Harry out, it’s the name Dumbledore. Keeping totally separate from the fact that Harry has a great reason to be upset with Dumbledore, that’s a name that you would think the Horcrux in Harry, if it were listening, would be like, “Hate that guy,” and then go crazy.

Andrew: We have one more all caps moment here. He says, “I SUPPOSE YOU’VE BEEN HAVING A REAL LAUGH, HAVEN’T YOU, ALL HOLED UP HERE TOGETHER.”

Laura: [laughs] That was very good.

Eric: It was great.

Laura: Great performances.

Andrew: My general feeling about the all caps moments is they are all Horcrux Harry, because even though Harry has reason to be angry with his friends, the all caps, raging, Micah-style yelling just feels out of character for Harry for his best friends. It just seems so inappropriate. Can you imagine yelling at your own best friends, or friends of five, six years in this way?

Eric: Then again, he’s not being given a channel to process the trauma that he still has from just seeing Cedric die a month ago, and so this is very… these outbursts that are not characteristic are, in fact, textbook PTSD or post-trauma reactions because he’s not actually confronting his emotion.

Micah: This one was a little bit more difficult for me, because even though you could blame it on the Horcrux, there’s also this moment of deep insecurity that comes across in what he’s saying here, the fact that he thinks that Ron and Hermione have been off in Grimmauld Place having some laughs at his expense. They’re together; he’s not. He’s the odd man out. He’s being left out of the situation. That speaks very much to his own insecurity of the entire situation that he’s been put into this summer.

Laura: Doesn’t the Horcrux amplify that feeling, though? I think we see that with Ron in two books’ time, right? Where his moments of insecurity are really heightened and amplified when he’s wearing the Horcrux. So Harry’s got one in his head; I think it makes it worse, for sure.

Andrew: So setting angry Harry aside, I actually think this chapter might make him feel better, and not because of the raging, but we’ll talk about that in a moment. We’ll be right back.

[Ad break]

Andrew: So I have a bit of a theory I want to run by y’all. I’m wondering if Harry starts to feel better about being left in the dark after what he learns in this chapter, because he doesn’t learn a lot of great information, and it’s not like Ron and Hermione have been having it easy either. So here are some examples: First of all, Ron and Hermione have been left in the dark when it comes to the Order meetings. They have to be cautious moving around this mystery house that they’re in because of Mrs. Black’s portrait. Snape is popping in. Ew, gross.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Dumbledore has been a very busy man. He hasn’t been vacationing; he hasn’t been hanging out with everybody. Fred and George have been popping into bedrooms unannounced to show off their Apparition licenses, which just sounds really annoying. They’re all cramped in this dark and depressing house. Molly is stressed. I just think the Dursleys’ house was abusive and bad, and Harry was left in the dark, but after seeing what’s been going on at 12 Grimmauld Place, hasn’t been that much better over here either.

Eric: Does Harry feel better because of this? No, because it just… he literally did not imagine that Ron and Hermione would also be having a bad summer, because how could you have a bad summer when you’re together?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But it turns out, Dumbledore has found a way to not tell people things even when they’re together!

Laura: Yeah. And also, I just… I’ve got to call out here; I don’t think there’s any evidence here to confirm that Dumbledore has not been vacationing.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, they say he’s been busy, but I don’t know. I need to see receipts. I need to see what the man’s been up to. I don’t believe it. [laughs]

Andrew: Well, okay, maybe…

Micah: Let’s see his AmEx from JJ’s and make sure that he was popping back some margaritas.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yeah, yeah, he’s been busy. He’s been busy delegating… from the beach.

Andrew: That may be true, but we know he wasn’t at 12 Grimmauld Place, so it’s not like everybody’s been hanging out with Dumbledore without Harry.

Micah: I really do like how you put this all together, though, Andrew, and it just shows that there are varying degrees of isolation. Harry is in one situation in Grimmauld Place, and despite the fact that Ron and Hermione are together, they’re still very much not in the know of what’s going on. But I do think if you were to ask Harry, he would have still preferred to be there, because he would be with his friends. He would be within the wizarding community, which I think that’s the hardest part for him. It’s not that he’s necessarily isolated from his friends; it’s that he’s isolated from this whole other world of which he is now a part of, and that’s the hard part for him.

Andrew: I agree with you. I put this together because while I was reading the chapter, I was like, “Oh, this isn’t that great. Snape. Dirty old house.”

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Oh, Ron and Hermione have to do a lot of cleaning. I think I skipped over that one. That’s not fun. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah. Harry is like, “I know how to clean.”

Andrew: Yeah, yeah, “Let me clean.” I mean, cleaning can be fun, but cleaning this house? I don’t know. I don’t want to deep clean this house. [laughs]

Eric: I don’t know; it’s got all this magic stuff in it. It could be kind of cool.

Laura: See, I feel like cleaning would be a lot more fun if we could use magic to clean. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, yeah.

Laura: And I know that’s how the kids are going to feel here in the next couple of chapters. But yeah, I agree with you, and I think adding to the mix here that Ron and Hermione really want to tell Harry what’s going on and they can’t, so they’re having to deal with the frustration and the isolation of their environment all while being told, “No, you can’t tell your best friend what’s going on, even though really scary stuff is happening to him.” So I think Harry does feel a little bad towards the end. We definitely see him start calming down, especially when conversation turns to Percy, which we’ll talk about here in the next few minutes. But before we get to that, I wanted to ask if we agree with Mrs. Weasley not letting the kids attend the meetings. Again, the whole reason this Caps Lock Harry moment is able to play out is because Mrs. Weasley very quickly sends him into a room where he can be alone with Ron and Hermione while she and the other adults attend to Order business. I think it’s interesting that even Fred and George, who are of age, can’t attend.

Eric: I mean, yeah, this is the kind of situation, though, where I think Molly probably suspects – and we believe – that if any one of them hears what’s going on in the meeting, they’re going to spill the beans to the rest of the kids.

Andrew: Especially Fred and George. They cannot be trusted.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: But there is a question about would they tell anyone outside this group? And that, I don’t think so.

Micah: No.

Eric: I can’t see Fred and George even telling their good friend Lee Jordan about what they heard in the meetings if they were allowed in the meetings, because Lee is not in the Order, and so yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel about Molly’s decision.

Laura: Yeah, I think another way to think about this is what if Harry had been allowed to know more? Maybe not everything, but more about what the Order was protecting, and specifically where they were protecting it. Would the outcome of this story have been different?

Eric: Oh, 100%. Harry doesn’t yet know that he’s been dreaming about the Ministry of Magic, and it’ll be something that’s interesting to look up in the next chapter when we learn more about what guard duty is or who’s doing what just to… because I think with enough information, Harry would volunteer that he’s been seeing things, and they would have started Occlumency a lot sooner. And yeah, totally different book.

Micah: Just to go back to the Fred and George point and the fact that they are of age: One thing that came to mind for me with Molly is that she already has two sons and a husband who are in the Order; she lost two brothers in the first war. Maybe she wants to limit the risk here a little bit. She does have seven kids in total, and including them all in Order business seems extremely risky, and we know what a protective mother she is of her children. Also of Harry, but I do think it seems a bit silly to not let Harry in a little bit more, and the main reason there just being, look at the first four years of these three at Hogwarts. You don’t give them information, what ends up happening?

Eric: Trouble!

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Micah: They find their way into trouble anyway.

Eric: Mischief! Yeah, yeah. Well, yes, I agree 100%.

Andrew: I think that’s a really good point, Micah, looking at her other family members. I think that Molly is very stressed, and Harry is noting this in this chapter. I think he says she’s looking thinner or more frail, and I would not be surprised if she doesn’t want to push that stress onto the kids by them all learning this information. That said, I do also agree. I like this idea – I think, Eric, you said – if Fred and George learn everything, they’re not going to go and tell Seamus. There’s an unspoken trust that everybody… what happens in this house stays in this house. [laughs]

Eric: Pretty much, yeah.

Andrew: And I don’t even think you would have to tell the kids that. I think there’s an understanding that what’s going on here, what’s being discussed here, is very serious. We have this place on lockdown, and this stuff can’t get out. I would trust the kids.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, I think so too. And actually, getting back to the question about whether Molly is just trying to protect her kids, I think that tracks. I also was reviewing “The Sacking of Severus Snape” from Deathly Hallows, and it’s literally the point where all of her children want to fight in the Battle of Hogwarts, and her only hope is to keep Ginny out of it, because Ginny is still the youngest. And it doesn’t work, sort of, but Molly wants always to protect as many of her children as possible, and even if that means shielding them from the truth, unfortunately.

Laura: Yeah. Well, she’s also, to her credit, probably thinking about what could happen if somehow her children were outed as being Order members, right? I mean, that puts targets on their back, so she is thinking about keeping them safe. Unfortunately, I think keeping them completely in the dark ends up shooting the whole operation in the foot.

Eric: Yeah, but ultimately, it’s not Molly’s decision. You know Dumbledore was probably just like, “No effing kids.” [laughs]

Laura: Oh, for sure.

Eric: And then they all have to follow his orders. There’s no way he’s going to sit in the same meeting as these children. He’s not going to do it.

Andrew: [laughs] That’s a fun point too. Yeah, he doesn’t want to be meeting with Fred and George. Screw that.

Eric: Yeah, what the hell?

Laura: I mean, is he even coming to these meetings? I don’t see him there tonight. [laughs]

Andrew: No. He’s popping in and out real quick.

Micah: He came in through the back door.

Laura: No, he’s literally the guy who sets the meeting, but then doesn’t show up for it.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, right. Well, and Snape doesn’t want to be working with Fred and George. Like, come on. [laughs] He’s out of the Order if that happens.

Eric: Yeah, like peers? Can you see that happening? Yeah, no. There are still leagues of difference between what some of these adult wizards are getting up to, versus what these children could reasonably contribute. All of that to say that separately, Harry needs to be let in immediately on everything, but they don’t know if they can trust him because if Voldemort is listening. But the fact that that is not described to Harry until after Mr. Weasley nearly dies is messed up.

Laura: I agree with y’all overall, but I will just remind everyone that Mundungus Fletcher is in the Order of the Phoenix, so I mean, I can’t see how any of these kids could be worse than him. [laughs]

Andrew: But he’s an adult.

Eric: Ehh…

Laura: Yeah, who dips out at two very crucial moments that we see in the series.

Eric: In this chapter…

Laura: Yes!

Eric: … Hermione says that Dumbledore was scary-looking. But Dung is still alive, so honestly, bit of fluff there with Dumbledore. He didn’t kill Mundungus. If he didn’t spell that guy flat immediately for doing what he did and putting Harry at risk and putting their whole operation at risk… everyone in the Order knows that this whole book series revolves around Harry. Everyone knows that it’s all because of him. And Mundungus did something so reckless that should absolutely have made him not be able to still be in the Order, but the Order is desperate. Look at their choice in venue as well. Something I was thinking while reading this: They have nowhere else to be. You would think people who have Dumbledore’s magical talent could come up with… literally fabricate a headquarters that is shiny, new, spacious, everything, but no, they’re in this old, dilapidated house. There really is not a plethora of places they can go. The Order is actually, in a sad sort of way, trying to raise awareness for something that the government is completely antithetical to.

Laura: Yeah. Well, Eric, I’m glad that you brought up Dumbledore’s anger about the Dementor attack, because a lot of story beats that we’re left with at the end of Goblet of Fire are picked up here, including that Hermione saying Dumbledore looked scary. And we can remember at the very end of Goblet, Dumbledore really trying to convince Fudge that allying ourselves with Dementors is a terrible idea, and we can tell Dumbledore is obviously ticked off about this, because it’s kind of an “I told you so” moment. What did you think was going to happen? We also get to hear about the Daily Prophet picking up where Rita left off. To Hermione’s satisfaction, Rita is not writing anymore right now, but the Daily Prophet has definitely taken to undermining Harry at every turn and really trying to set expectations that Harry is not to be believed, so that when he says things like “Voldemort is back,” people think he’s just crazy.

Eric: It’s really insidious and unfortunately a really valuable tactic for the Ministry to deploy their campaign to smear Harry, and I also get upset with Harry that he doesn’t have good media literacy. This whole time, he could have been clued in on some of these finer points of what the Ministry was trying to do. I don’t think it would have made him less angry, but unfortunately, there’s this scene between him and Hermione, and she’s like, “Haven’t you been getting the Prophet?” And he’s like, “Yeah.” And she’s like, “Well, have you been reading it?” He’s like, “Pfft, first page.” She’s like, “Oh, Harry. No.”

Andrew: “Because I’m the Chosen One, so of course I would be covered on page 1.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: “I would be on the front page!”

Andrew: “I would be on A1 above the fold.”

Micah: That’s very Horcrux-y of him.

Andrew: [laughs] It does seem like an oversight to not read through the entire paper. I feel like he would read the entire paper simply because he’s bored at the Dursleys’.

Eric: He wants to feel connected! Yeah!

Andrew: Yeah, go further back into the paper. Play the Daily Prophet‘s Wordle or crossword puzzle. He’s only looking at the front page or the front couple of pages?

Laura: Well, he says that’s because he assumed that if there was anything reported about Voldemort’s return, it would be front page news. It’s almost like he forgot everything that Dumbledore said at the end of Goblet. It’s almost like he forgot Fudge’s reaction to everything, and he was leading under the assumption that eventually the truth would come out, and surely it would be front page news. But unfortunately, Fudge is… he’s really, really… what’s the word I’m thinking of? Sorry.

Micah: Strategic.

Eric: Leaning on the…

Laura: Yeah, he’s really leaning heavily on the Daily Prophet to influence the way that they’re reporting on their stories.

Andrew: Well, yeah, and I agree with that, but I just still think Harry is so bored at the Dursleys’; he’s got nothing else to do. Don’t you want to know what’s happening in the wizarding world, outside of Voldemort’s return? Maybe that would make you happier if you saw some good news in the Prophet about…

Laura: It’s very on brand for Harry, though; let’s be honest. In a few chapters, Dolores Umbridge is going to give this tyrannical, autocratic speech at the opening feast of term, and Harry is going to zone out because he gets bored and he’s going to need Hermione to explain to him what the heck it was Dolores Umbridge just said.

Eric: And then he passes off her summary as his own opinion and gets caught on it by McGonagall, I think, which is fun.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: I love that.

Micah: Even if Harry had read the Daily Prophet, though, to me, he seems like more of a skimmer, and if he’s only looking at the headlines, he’s not going to pick up on the nuance that Hermione brings up to him in this chapter. These were just very casual passing references that were included in articles that likely Harry is not going to be sitting there and reading every single article, so unless it’s bold and in the headlines, I don’t think it’s capturing his attention.

Eric: But then think about what it says about Hermione’s love for Harry that she is reading every article, and her ability to comprehend what she’s reading and see what the Ministry is doing. The fact that… the reason that Hermione is so clued in when Umbridge speaks at the start of term is because she’s been seeing the stage get set for exactly this sort of thing. She’s apt. Aren’t we so glad we have Hermione as our great ally? Everyone but Harry can agree that Hermione is great always, and is always on his side, clearly.

Laura: For sure. Before we get back to the dialogue that Harry, Ron, and Hermione have, I did just want to note this moment of great misdirection that comes up. When Ron and Hermione are really trying to give Harry any context that they can give him, they talk about the Extendable Ears that Fred and George have invented that have allowed them to overhear some things, and Ron mentions that they’ve heard them talk about something to do with guard duty, and Harry shoots back at him, “Oh, do you think they might have been talking about me?”

Andrew: [haughtily] “I am the Chosen One. They must be talking about me.”

Laura: And Ron is like, “Oh, yeah, that’s probably it.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I love this because yes, they could have… they probably absolutely were talking about Harry, but we know the real thing that they’re talking about, and it’s the prophecy at the Ministry. So really, really fun moment.

Andrew: Yeah, I love that.

Laura: Well, now Fred and George joined the party. They hear Harry shouting, and they Apparate into the room. And I think this is so interesting, because in the last book, Percy was doing the exact same thing after he passed his Apparition exam…

[Eric laughs]

Laura: … and George says, “Percy only passed two weeks ago. He’s been Apparating downstairs every morning since, just to prove he can.” So I think it’s really funny that Fred and George are passing this judgment on Percy a book ago, and now they’re here doing the exact same thing. It really reminded me of how we said that this feels like the wizarding equivalent to getting your driver’s license.

Andrew: Yeah, there’s a certain freedom that comes with being able to Apparate. That said, this is a huge invasion of people’s privacy.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: I would be so annoyed if somebody did this to me.

Eric: I mean, I bet Fred and George are just trying to make sure no one was murdered; Harry is screaming so much. [laughs]

Andrew: I mean, yeah, that could be a fun joke once, and then after that, I would get super tired of it.

Eric: Oh, yeah. No, but it’s very much “I’m going to the store; you want anything?” “You just went five minutes ago.” “Yeah, I know. I’m going again. You want anything?”

Laura: Exactly.

Andrew: Yeah. Hogwarts was onto something when they set up that “No Apparating in and out of Hogwarts” rule. That was smart.

Eric: Oh, yeah, people would pass time like crazy.

Laura: Yeah. We all thought it was a security measure, but it was really to stop the students from being obnoxious with Apparition.

Andrew: That school is not a privacy nightmare.

[Laura laughs]

[Ad break]

Micah: With Fred and George, though, the way that it comes across is that they do it in a comical sort of way. To me, with Percy, I would assume he did it with a level of arrogance, and maybe that’s just…

Eric: I mean, Percy does everything with a level of arrogance, right?

Micah: Well, that’s why it’s just… it’s not the same.

Eric: [laughs] I mean, Percy couldn’t have been doing it for a more functional reason. He needed breakfast, so he would Apparate down and grab the toast, and Apparate back up.

Micah: Fair enough.

Laura: Yeah. I mean, I also think Fred and George are actually good brothers, and I think in this moment, they’re doing this to diffuse the situation. I mean, they literally say, “Oh, Harry, we thought those were your dulcet tones that we heard.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I think that they’re trying to ease the tension in the room, but they’re doing it in a very Fred and George way.

Micah: And he’s their sugar daddy. They want to make sure that he’s okay.

Andrew: [laughs] “Just checking in on you,” yeah.

Micah: He’s bankrolling them.

Laura: Oh, man.

Andrew: Yeah, he’s a long term investor.

Laura: Maybe that’s what it is. They’re like, “We gotta check up on Harry. Gotta check up on our man.”

Andrew: “Our sugar daddy.”

Micah: Sugar Daddy Harry.

Laura: Make sure he’s okay.

Andrew: Episode title!

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Laura: Harry the sugar daddy.

Andrew: New T-shirt!

[Laura laughs]

Micah: How did it take us 670 episodes to get there?

Laura: Well, speaking of Percy – we were just chatting about how obnoxious he was last book with his Apparition – believe it or not, he gets even worse here, because Percy, Harry learns, has gone no contact with his family, as the kids would say, and he’s had some really hurtful things to say to Arthur in the process in particular. He says things like he’s had to struggle with Arthur’s lousy reputation working at the Ministry, and that Arthur has no ambition, and says to his father, to his face, that that is why the Weasley family has always struggled economically. That hurts to read, especially thinking about someone saying that to Arthur.

Eric: For me, this illustrates how… we’ve often seen Ron struggle with being poor, but I think it has affected every member of the Weasley family, and this is something that wouldn’t have come out of Percy’s mouth ever if it weren’t for the special circumstances, I think, and the strain that the circumstances in the world are putting them under. But Percy had this news of getting a promotion; he wanted to be congratulated, and instead, it was met with this suspicion – rightly so, I think – that it wasn’t earned. And there’s not a safe way you can tell someone that their promotion that they’re excited about was not earned, and did Arthur probably bungle it? Maybe, but Percy is not the kind who can hear that sort of thing in the same sentence, instead of “Congratulations,” and then take it to heart. So this is just very unfortunate that these things were said, but…

Laura: Yeah, he’s too proud.

Andrew: Yeah. I can understand the pain from both sides, because like you were saying, Eric, he wants to be congratulated. He is proud of this position. He doesn’t want to be belittled, and he doesn’t want his family to pull the rug out from under his excitement. And I also think maybe the Weasleys could have treaded a little more carefully here. They know he wanted a job like this. They know he wanted to work his way up in the Ministry. Is it worth bringing this up right now? Why not just privately set up your own walls?

Micah: It’s a paranoia, though. It’s a product of the time in which they’re living, and they’re recognizing the fact that Percy didn’t have the best year last year in working for Barty Crouch, Sr. …

Eric: [laughs] Right.

Laura: No.

Micah: … so why in the world would he be promoted to work with the Minister for Magic? The idea that perhaps Fudge is trying to draw him into his inner circle so that he can have a direct line to the Weasley family actually makes a lot of sense. But I would have preferred it if, in the end, we learned that Dumbledore went to Percy and had said, “Percy, look, take this job, and I need you to almost be at odds with your family over it so that you play your role as well as you possibly can.” I think it would have done a lot more for Percy’s character. He does finally come back to the family in Deathly Hallows, but Percy is just so blind because of his own ambition in this moment that he can’t see what’s going on around him, and it reminds me of the line that we’ll hear later on in this book, that the world isn’t divided into good people and Death Eaters. The battle lines are starting to be drawn, right? Even within families. Maybe that’s a strong term to use, but it’s clear that as things progress, it’s not just good side/bad side. There’s people who are going to fill in this middle ground area in these next couple books.

Eric: Yeah, and Percy is the kind of person who genuinely believes that if you work hard, you’ll have great things happen for you. And because he’s worked hard, from his perspective, he thinks that he’s earned this, but he’s also internalized every bit of shame that the Ministry has ever thrown towards Muggle-lovers and all this other stuff. He’s inherited all these other prejudices that most ordinary people have that the Weasleys don’t, and it’s made him turn on his own family like this. It’s coming from a place of deep isolation, and Fred and George have done their part Percy’s whole life to make him feel like the odd one out in the family, so this was a long time coming, but it is very unfortunate.

Laura: Yeah. I wanted to ask y’all if you thought that we had ever seen any other examples of Percy resenting or being embarrassed by his family’s lack of money. I think what stood out to me rereading this is exactly what you just said, Eric; I think Percy’s isolation amongst his siblings is very clear. His resentment about the family’s economic status, I feel like this is the first time that’s ever been addressed. We hear Ron be embarrassed about it all the time, but I can’t recall an instance with Percy.

Eric: I mean, it might just be that Harry is Ron’s friend and they’re the same age, so the stuff Percy would have been going through would have happened at the same age, but two years earlier, before Harry was in the picture. So you’re not going to hear Percy complain about hand-me-downs, because by year five he’s used to it, or something like that.

Laura: Well, Percy doesn’t get as many hand-me-downs, I suspect, right? I think Ron, as the youngest boy in the family, probably gets the most. Well, speaking of people in Harry Potter and their complicated families, I think we can all agree that Percy really sucks here. Overall, I understand him being too proud and embarrassed to accept what his father is saying to him, but he ain’t stupid. He should be able to piece that together. Can we think of any characters other than Percy who maybe should have cut their families off in Harry Potter?

[Eric laughs]

Laura: There are some rough families in this series.

Andrew: Harry Potter himself should have cut off his Dursley family.

Eric: Yeah. Dumbledore wouldn’t let him because he’s got to be welcomed back on Privet Drive. I said Merope, but we know she tried.

Laura: She did.

Micah: Draco? Percy reminds me of Draco in how they kind of do a complete 180 by the end of the book. It’s once they’re in too deep and they recognize just how bad things are, that’s when it clicks for them.

Eric: Yeah, and it wouldn’t… nothing short of that could have, I think, turned them around. Yeah, it’s interesting. I also don’t think that what Percy said to Arthur was fair, necessarily, about not having any ambition. I think that knowing the way the Ministry is – and Fudge is going around, it’s said in this chapter, telling anyone that if they sympathize with Dumbledore, they can be fired – knowing that that’s the way they play it, I actually respect Arthur for getting a position in the Ministry where he has enough autonomy that he can skate by. If he were closer to Fudge in terms of the overall structure, he might have to start being more outspoken against Dumbledore, and that just wouldn’t serve him.

Andrew: The no ambition comment is just so mean to say to your father, too. First of all, Arthur is happy in this role. Second of all, he raised you under his roof. He was able to make it work. Third of all, they had how many kids? Eight? How many Weasley kids are there?

Eric and Micah: Seven.

Andrew: Seven? Of course, seven.

Eric: Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred, George, Ron, Ginny.

Andrew: I mean, that takes some ambition right there.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: But yeah, I think it can also be extended to his choice in field, because the reason that he’s not able to climb the ladder as easily at the Ministry is because his chosen field is something that the Ministry is largely not supportive of, and that is the wizarding government passing judgment on what things merit funding and exploratory research, right? And that’s what Percy is saying here. Effectively, what Percy is saying is, “Well, Fudge doesn’t think that Muggle artifacts are important, so why should you? Pick something that our society values more than what you’re doing.” And that is what Percy thinks is a lack of ambition. It’s rough. But yeah, I think Merope is a good example of someone who tried, but…

Eric: Yeah, her family was just completely toxic for her, and she knew it; she imagined better for herself. So Ariane Beth made a comment on the Discord, listening live, and said, “The other side of ‘If you work hard, you’ll have good things happen to you’ is the often unsaid ‘If your life doesn’t meet your expectations, it must be somehow your fault,’ which is not logical or true at all, but I think is what Percy is putting on Arthur.” So that’s interesting. It’s literally this idea of merit and that you actually earn your station in life, and time and again I think in real life we see that be tested, of “Actually, no, it doesn’t necessarily work out.”

Laura: Well, shifting to another Weasley sibling, Ginny, I was really pleasantly surprised to read this and be reminded of this moment. I really feel like we get to see Ginny’s personality shine here in ways that we haven’t gotten to see before. So she is currently flicking Dungbombs at the door downstairs, behind which the Order meeting is happening. She’s trying to test if the door has been Imperturbed; Tonks taught her how to do this, which really adds to the cool vibe here. And the funny part of this is that when Molly comes to get them for dinner, she asks, “Why were all these Dungbombs outside the door?” And Ginny just lies straight to Molly’s face and said that Crookshanks was playing with them.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: It literally says Ginny lied “unblushingly.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: She had that justification ready, because she knows her mom.

Eric: Well, this raises so many questions to me. One, why doesn’t Ginny just pick up the Dungbombs after herself? Two, why don’t they go off? You throw a Dungbomb at a door; I understand it bounces off, but it doesn’t lay on a pillow. It hits the floor. Why doesn’t it explode? Does it have to be ignited? How do Dungbombs work? I don’t know.

Laura: I don’t know.

Andrew: In terms of the Dungbomb pieces being on the floor, that house is pretty darn messy, so I actually am surprised Molly is even batting an eye at it, unless Ron and Hermione had cleaned it up previously and suddenly they’re there again. But you could have blamed this on Kreacher, too.

Laura: Well, that’s kind of what Molly does. She says, “Oh, I thought it might have been Kreacher. He keeps leaving weird things laying around.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: It’s the perfect cover! There’s a lot of people in that house.

Eric: It reminds me of the gift that Kreacher gives Harry. What is it, a maggot-ridden something something? It’s like, “Oh, what if he thinks that’s actually a nice gift?”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: Well, on a related note, Eric, Ron notes that Kreacher is a nutter whose life’s ambition is to have his head mounted on the wall like his mother.

Eric: [laughs] Funny Ron is back, everybody.

Laura: [laughs] I know.

Eric: I thoroughly enjoy Ron in this chapter. I really do.

Laura: Hermione in this moment does what Hermione does best, and says, “Hey, you’ve got to be nice to him. It’s not his fault that he’s a little odd. Can you quite blame him?” And the reality is, we don’t even know the half of it yet.

Eric: Nope.

Laura: I mean, we’re going to find out next book what makes Kreacher as weird and demented as he is. But I also want to see if we can get a foreshadowing alert every time someone is dismissive of or disgusted towards Kreacher, because I really feel like these moments stack on each other and ultimately lead to Kreacher’s betrayal of Sirius.

[Foreshadowing sound effect plays]

Laura: … so Hermione says, “And it’s not just me, Dumbledore says we should be kind to Kreacher too.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: And Dumbledore gives this acknowledgement to Harry at the end of the book. When Harry is raging about how Kreacher did what he did, Dumbledore is like, “Kreacher acted that way because of how he’s been treated his entire life, in large part by Sirius.” So we have this nice bookend here at the beginning and the end, really showing that Kreacher is a product of the society and the environment that he’s lived in. And I just want to ask, why does no one listen to Hermione when she has these nuggets of wisdom early? There’s this. We’re going to get the Eileen Prince connection in the next book, and Harry is going to be like, “Ah, the Half-Blood Prince couldn’t be a woman.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Prince, Hermione! Prince! Purple Rain! Prince! Not a woman!

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Pretty sure that’s a direct quote, right?

Andrew: I think in talking about house-elves previously, maybe in our Goblet of Fire discussions, Ron, and to I guess some extent Harry, and definitely other characters in the wizarding world, they’re trying to unlearn everything they know about house-elves. Hermione is trying to make them unlearn these things, and I think it’s very difficult for them to do that. I mean, they grew up – Ron did – thinking that house-elves are housekeepers, and they work for us, and that’s that. That’s just the way it is, kid.

Micah: Well, presumably Kreacher was the only living thing inside of this house when the Order showed up, so Dumbledore is probably thinking, “Let’s treat him with a little bit of respect here, because who knows what kind of information he could have?”

Laura: Why couldn’t they have had their meetings at the Room of Requirement at Hogwarts? I’m just saying.

Andrew: [laughs] They don’t want to be in Hogwarts more than they already have to. Not the adults, anyway. I think Kreacher could just potentially cause more havoc in the house, so they don’t want to rock that boat too much.

Laura: Yeah, for sure. Well, speaking of havoc in the house, we also do get to see Snape briefly. As he’s leaving this meeting, Ron notes that Snape never eats dinner with them, thank God…

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: … but he’s definitely showing up to these meetings with some really valuable intel. We can even tell that members of the Order can’t quite contain themselves but to keep murmuring amongst themselves in the hall as they’re filtering out where they see Snape’s greasy head, as they’re peering down from the top of the stairs. But I’m wondering if we had any thoughts when we were first reading this about what Snape was doing here, because I think that’s a question that’s playing on all the kids’ minds. Like, “Why is he here? Why are we trusting him to be in this organization that’s trying to fight Voldemort?”

Andrew: I hated it. I hated it.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I didn’t have any theories, but it was just so uncomfortable seeing Snape in this place, being basically in cahoots with the trio, which is something we haven’t seen. It just made me feel uncomfortable. And in these close quarters?

Eric: I never hate Snape more than when he baits Sirius throughout the book.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: But otherwise, I give them the benefit of the doubt. But except for that. That’s not good.

Andrew: Laura, did you have any guesses when you were reading?

Laura: I think at this point, I really believed that Snape was on the right side of history, and it felt to me like a red herring. But then when we get into the next book, we can talk about how when I got to the end of that one, I was like, “Oh, shoot, was I wrong?”

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Well, our girl Tonks is a little bit clumsy, and this chapter wraps with Tonks knocking over the very heavy troll leg umbrella holder, which is really weird to imagine every time I see it described. [laughs]

Andrew: I think it’s in the movie, too, isn’t it?

Laura: Is it? I don’t remember.

Andrew: No?

Micah: Well, the prop may be in the movie, but this scene isn’t, and I was going to bring up, it’s such a huge miss to not have included this. Now, somewhere… maybe I’m misremembering. Did they initially look to include Mrs. Black in the films, but maybe…? We just watched the movie. I should remember if they actually just have the curtains in front, but they never obviously open up, which would have been a very fun moment.

Andrew: Surprise! I don’t remember if we even saw the curtains.

Laura: No, I don’t feel like they touched on any of her portrait at all, or even alluded to it. But it is a huge miss, because this is a great scene. Tonks knocks this troll leg over, creates quite a din, and this is when Harry learns why it is that everybody has to be so quiet in the entry hall. These curtains fly open, and this portrait of this woman screaming just foul things at all the people in her home – her eyes are rolling, she’s drooling – and all of a sudden, Sirius Black comes out of the kitchen and yanks the curtain shut, telling her to shut up, turns to Harry, and says, “Hello, Harry, I see you’ve met my mother.” [laughs] And I remember laughing out loud at this line when I read it.

Eric: It’s great.

Andrew: Perfect ending.

Laura: Because she’s also… yeah, she’s shouting horrible things at Sirius as he’s coming to get her to shut up. I mean, like “Shame of my flesh” and “Filth” and all this other nasty stuff.

Andrew: Yeah, it’s so good. It’s such a great ending.

Micah: I did do a quick search, and it does look like there’s a shot of Kreacher walking in front of a closed portrait.

Andrew: Oh, okay.

Micah: And we do hear him muttering in the films, talking to Mrs. Black, but we never get, obviously, that official introduction. But I did also want to call out… Laura, you mentioned this severed troll’s leg stand. It is important to get a sense of what kind of house we’re in, the fact that they do have this type of piece of furniture within their home. And then it’s mentioned all of the former house-elf heads are mounted on the wall. We’re not in the nicest of places here.

Andrew and Eric: No.

Andrew: That’s gross.

Eric: Again, do you think that if they had any choice of venue, they would be here? Choose to be here? No. This is… unfortunately, for whatever reason, this is the only place they’ve got.

Andrew: And that foot did make an appearance in the movies. I don’t know if this picture I shared in our Discord is from the set tour, but they did create it for the movie, and it’s foul. And doesn’t that smell? And who wants to look at those nasty toenails? Blegh.

Micah: They’re like Voldemort toenails, except bigger.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, they are. That’s wild.

Laura: No, it is giving the same vibe as hunters having stuffed versions of exotic animals around their house and animal heads mounted to walls.

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Micah: It shows their perspective on the larger wizarding world. But I do think we need to Max Mrs. Black for the TV show.

Laura: Yeah, we need that.

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

Eric: I would be okay if they didn’t Max Mrs. Black, if a whole series comes and goes and we don’t get it, because what point does it serve? It’s just another grim thing going on in this grim, old place.

Micah: Well, just so Sirius could say, “I see you’ve met my mother.”

Eric: “I see you’ve met my mother,” yeah.

Andrew: And then it ends on sitcom laughter. [laughs exaggeratedly] Commercial break.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: We need a Max series, How I Met Sirius’s Mother, and told backwards from this point forward.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: See, I don’t know if we need that.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: I think we do. [laughs]

Laura: No, I think it’ll be important to include because it really sets up Sirius’s character in this story and why isolation drives him to do what he does. Isolation is such a huge theme in this book.


Lynx Line


Laura: Well, we did also turn to our Slug Club patrons over on Patreon.com/MuggleCast for our Lynx Line this week; this is our newest benefit on Patreon, where we are asking our Slug Club level patrons a question specifically tailored to that week’s episode. So this week, we asked, “Name a person in Harry Potter, or in real life or in other fiction, living or dead, who you wish you had as a living portrait in your home. Ideally, it’ll be someone much nicer than Sirius’s mom.” And we asked people to please let us know why they would want that portrait installed in their home. So I figured in host order, we could just read through these.

Andrew: Rachel said,

“Of Harry Potter characters, I’d have to say Sirius or Luna. Historical figures, probably Moses or Joan of Arc. People from my own life, my grandmother or the counselor I had in college.”

Andrew and Laura: Aw.

Andrew: Eric, Stephanie’s?

Laura: Do you want to get Stephanie’s, Eric?

Eric: Yeah, sorry. And Stephanie says,

“I love the idea of having a really good chef or baker on the wall, like Nadia from The Great British Bake Off. Put her in your kitchen and never have to google substitutions for ingredients or how to make a puff pastry.”

I think this is a great hack. I want Gordon Ramsay on my… well, maybe not.

Andrew: It’s like an Alexa.

Laura: Yeah, that sounds really stressful, Eric. Gordon Ramsay?

[Micah laughs]

Eric: I just want him to curse at me all the time. [laughs]

Laura: Do you want him to be like British cooking show Gordon Ramsay or American cooking show Gordon Ramsay?

Eric: Oh, straight up Hell’s Kitchen.

Laura: Oh, gosh. Okay.

Eric: Yeah, or Kitchen Nightmares.

Laura: Because he’s different, depending on which audience he’s performing to. [laughs]

Eric: That’s fascinating. I don’t know how to feel about that, actually. No, I’m ready for him to… because you know the meme-ified Gordon Ramsay stuff where he says really funny stuff, like “This squid is so undercooked, it’s still telling SpongeBob ‘[censored] off'”?

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: Sorry for the swear. I want that on a portrait.

Micah: Jennifer says,

“Hmm… this is a tough one. I’d love to have a portrait of P!nk, because she can sing, dance, and also give some great advice.”

Andrew: That’s cool.

Eric: Oh, that’s a good hack too.

Laura: I love that. Love the idea of having a pop icon in your home, just like, “Pink, can I have some advice?”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: Aw.

Laura: Paxton says,

“I would want one of Fred Weasley! In addition to always being around to make me and others laugh, I feel like he would do his best to keep an eye on the house and protect everyone. Also, his death is one of the ones that broke my heart the most, and by having his portrait, he can live on in a way.”

Andrew: Jeff said,

“I would choose my Great Aunt Harriet, who passed away in 2018 at the age of 97. She was 67 years older than me, but I was closer to her than anybody else in my family; we shared a love of books, including Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings.”

Nice answer, Jeff.

Laura: That’s so lovely.

Eric: Yeah, I love that. Breann says,

Harry Potter-related… Minerva McGonagall, I love how real she is about everything. Plus, she’s super knowledgeable, and I feel like she could give a great pep talk if needed. For fun, Dave Matthews. The man can sing, play the guitar, and say the most off the wall things that will certainly make you laugh. In-home concerts? Yes, please. Dave’s commentary on the craziness of today’s world? Yes, please.”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I can actually do that for you, Breann. Here we go; here’s my Dave Matthews impression. [imitates Dave Matthews singing]

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: There you go.

Laura: It’s the same thing.

Andrew: Yeah!

Eric: Andrew, would you have Bruce?

Andrew: I would have you three, because I want you three in my lives more.

Eric: Ohh!

Laura: Aww.

Eric: Infinite MuggleCasts! Oh, I love that.

Micah: You don’t edit us enough?

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: Are you sure you wouldn’t put curtains in front of all of us just to make us shut up sometimes? [laughs]

Andrew: Well, and I think that’s one part of this question that would have been fun, too, for listeners. Like, “And you do have a curtain, so if you want Gordon Ramsay in your house, that’s nice, but you can shut him off, so no worries. He won’t get too… if he gets too annoying, you can shut him up.”

Micah: Leah says,

“Luna. I feel like she always has something interesting to say. She’d have a unique commentary to break up mundane day-to-day tasks. Remember her Quidditch commentary? Imagine that playing while doing chores; she would add humor and interest to everything.”

Laura: Agreed. Actually, I feel like if I had to pick a Harry Potter character, I would pick Luna as well. I’m still thinking about who I would want as a real life person.

Eric: I would pick Dumbledore. Oh, sorry to interrupt, but I would pick Dumbledore, and then during a reread, I would look up and I’d go, “Are you serious with this?”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: And he’d have to defend himself.

Laura: You would confront him with the receipts.

Eric: Oh, oh, yeah.

Laura: Be like, “Sir, where were you?”

Eric: “Sir,” yeah.

Laura: Amy said,

“Personally, I’d love to have my mom on hand for her great wisdom and compassion. But seriously, since you said we can choose people who are alive, how cool would it be to have our four favorite hosts on hand for conversation and laughs?”

Eric: There it is.

Laura: Amy, that’s so sweet.

Andrew: Good answer, Amy. Free month of Patreon for you.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Laura: You already let us into your house once a week with new episodes!

Andrew: That’s a good point.

Laura: So this is quite an honor. [laughs]

Andrew: Zachary said,

“I would love to have a portrait of George Carlin; his commentary on life today would be unimaginable. I would also love a portrait of my Pop; to this day, he’s been all of his grandkids’ number one fan, and continues to help me with daily advice on life and fatherhood and parenting in general.”

Good answer.

Eric: That’s awesome. Julianne says,

“I’ll take a scrolling portrait (like a digital picture frame) with all my book boyfriends, please. We can start with Charlie Weasley, but if we can expand to all fantasy books, I’d like to add Xaden Riorson, Kingfisher, and Cassian.”

Okay.

Laura: [laughs] Yep. Yeah, I think the book boyfriends is a good call. I agree on some of this.

Eric: That’s really… that’s interesting.

Laura: Greta has a very wholesome one. She says,

“Molly Weasley. She’d be the closest equivalent to Alexa when it comes to home-related questions and spells, and she could give you advice on your choice of outfit for the day or tell you what to bring to a dinner party.”

Love that.

Andrew: Carly said,

“Leslie Jordan. He was an absolute icon and amazing human being; I would love to hear his commentary on a daily basis.”

Eric: Aw. Noelle says,

“Phineas Nigellus Black for sure. He’s got portraits in plenty of places I’d want to spy on, and he’d probably yell at me if I got distracted while working. Having portraits of my own family up, on the other hand… I can relate to poor Sirius in not appreciating that.”

Laura: Aww. [laughs]

Eric: Oh, wow. But yeah, somebody who can hassle you whenever you begin to meander and not do your work would be wild. That’s a wild accountability buddy.

Micah: Yeah. Sara says,

“In real life, I’d want my dad or grandma’s portrait. A useful portrait would be a doctor or nurse to help give you advice. And then in the wizarding world, I’d also like a healer, or maybe someone like McGonagall or Dumbledore for life advice.”

Laura: I feel like having a doctor as a portrait in my house, it would be like WebMD on steroids. My health paranoia would reach all new levels.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: I’d constantly be going to the doctor portrait and being like, “I don’t know; my pinky feels weird. What do you think it means?” It’d be terrible.

Andrew: “You have three days to live.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yeah, oh my God. Still, I think we’ve cracked free healthcare on this episode.

Andrew: If they can operate on you and prescribe medication and all that, yeah.

Eric: Oh, well, I guess… okay, I guess not.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: It’s the V1. It’s the V1.

Andrew: Free Telehealth.

Eric: Yeah, it’s the V1. Maybe a therapist. Maybe my therapist. I’ll get a portrait made of my therapist.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Laura: Catherine says, “I mean, I wouldn’t mind a portrait of Henry Cavill up for perpetuity…”

Andrew: Hey now.

Laura: Yeah, good taste, Catherine.

Andrew: Hannah said,

“Wow, where to start? Do you want knowledge, entertainment, or memory? Right now, I would have to say one of my favorite musical artists, Josh Groban, so he can sing and I would never need a radio or Spotify playlist again.”

Eric: Jen says,

“I would love to have my Nana’s portrait in my house. I was very close to her growing up. She passed a number of years ago, and I would love to get to hear her voice and see her smile again. She also passed before I had my kids, so I’d love her to meet them, albeit in portrait form.”

Andrew and Laura: Aww.

Eric: I agree with that. That’s really sweet.

Laura: That’s a really beautiful sentiment. And to really bring us home here, Barry says,

“Honestly, none. I have enough smart home devices watching me; I don’t need a portrait that can share its opinions on my life choices.”

Oh man, imagine if Google and Alexa could talk independently.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]


MVP of the Week


Laura: All right, and replacing our old MVP of the Week segment, we also are customizing these pick a character of the week segments to something specific to the chapter. And I think we can all agree that Percy Weasley is the worst Weasley, but I want to give y’all a challenge and basically make this easy for myself, so I’m asking y’all, who’s the worst Weasley? Except I already picked Percy, so you have to pick someone else.

Eric: Great. Okay.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I’m going to give it to the Weasley twins. I’m putting them together, because spying is wrong.

Eric: Oh my God, you hypocrite.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Okay, I’m going to… you know what? Mine is not better. I’m going to give mine to Arthur for not doing more to get the family some money.

Laura: Oof.

Eric: Clearly, they resent you for it. Gosh.

Micah: I’m going with Molly triple down here. Stop the mollycoddling of these kids.

Eric: Oh my…

Micah: Harry is 15 years old. He was bar mitzvah’ed two years ago. He’s a grown man in the eyes of the wizarding community. Enough is enough.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: He’s faced more than you ever hoped to.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: And Molly is like, “Um, my brothers were killed in the last war?” [laughs]

Andrew: Aw. Listeners, if you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that’s recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. And we have a bit of news: Our traditional phone number is now being retired, in part because…

Eric: Did you not pay the bill? Did we forget?

Andrew: We may have forgotten to renew it, and Google said, “You know what? We’re not giving it to you, and you can’t have it back.” But you know what? It’s for the best, because the phone calls are not very good quality.

Micah: No.

Andrew: We still have access to all the voicemails, by the way, so if you have called in, we have had them; we do listen to them. But the voice… let’s enter 2024 fully. Voice Memos only. Peace and love.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: You know what it is, too, is just it’s really obnoxious to keep the line going. In theory, it sounds like it’s easy, right? You just have to remember to make a call from it or send a text message. But who’s paying attention to that? Clearly, not me.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, clearly not you! That’s why we lost it! And honestly, it was just fun to say, “1-920-3-MUGGLE.” Like, it’s cool “Muggle” was in the phone number.

Eric: It will live on.

Laura: Yeah. Pour one out.

Andrew: Yes.

Eric: We’ve long said that voice memos are preferred, emailed to MuggleCast@gmail.com, and that’s been the case; the quality is much better. So think of it as a real attempt at quality improvement.

Laura: So I wonder what’s going to happen, though, because you know some people still have this number saved…

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: … so when this number goes to someone else, are they going to get random phone calls from people talking about Harry Potter?

Micah: I hope so.

Eric: Yeah, I’m going to become that person’s best friend.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I’m going to call right now. Oh, it just immediately… oh, it says “User busy” when you try to call it right now.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Who’s tying up our line?

Andrew: Yeah, immediate “Doo-doo-doo.” Google’s just put it on lockdown; it’s going to go to some phone number graveyard. Well, anyway, next week we will discuss Order of the Phoenix Chapter 5, “The Order of the Phoenix”! This book’s namesake.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for everybody’s favorite trivia show – Google will never take this away from us – Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question: What well-kept lawn in London has been home to a zebra, an elephant, and a helicopter landing pad? The correct answer was the lawn at Buckingham Palace, of course! Fun factoids about that. And 55% of people said they didn’t look up the correct answer that they got correct, and the winners are as follows: Buckbeak waiting for Harry to come upstairs and say hi… aw, okay. Hi to my Ravenclaw husband; Horton Hears a Helicopter; I would tell you, but Dumbledore made me swear not to…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: … Kelsey; Merlin’s missing buttock; The sniffler that got loose in Buckingham Palace; and Yoshie. And congrats to everyone that submitted. And here is – I’m particularly proud of this next one – next week’s question: In honor of the portrait of Walburga Black, what famous artist and sculptor was given an exclusive license in 2014 to use a material known as Blackest Black? Walburga would be very happy with this person. And please submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form located on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch. And also, you’re able to find it if you’re on the MuggleCast website, checking out transcripts or anything else, by clicking “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: This show is brought to you by Muggles like you, dear listener. We are as independent as Percy is isolated from the rest of his family in this chapter…

Eric and Laura: Oooh.

Andrew: … so your financial support is of the utmost importance. In fact, listener support is the only reason we’ve been able to podcast for 19 years and counting, and we now have three great ways to help us out. If you’re an Apple Podcasts user, subscribe to MuggleCast Gold, which gets you instant access to ad-free and early releases of MuggleCast, plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month. For even more benefits, visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast. You’ll get all the benefits of MuggleCast Gold, plus livestreams, yearly stickers, Lynx Line participation, a physical gift, a video message from one of the four of us made just for you, access to our private Facebook and Discord groups, and more. And then number three, visit MuggleCastMerch.com for all of our brand new merchandise. Laura, earlier in the recording, we had a request. LegalizeGillyweed wondered if we should start selling your pants. And for anybody who doesn’t know, who’s probably really alarmed right now…

Eric: Oh my God.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: … it was a running joke about your pants way back in the day.

Laura: Yeah, and I don’t think that you’ve said anything to assuage people’s concerns.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Well, to make it sound less random.

Laura: Yeah, no. TLDR, y’all, the story is I left a pair of my pants in our hotel room in Los Angeles when we were there for the 2006 Podcast Awards. Eric very kindly carried them home and mailed them back to me, and during a much earlier episode of MuggleCast, in the middle of the recording, Eric just goes, “Laura, did you get your pants?”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: You know, sometimes these thoughts come to me and they’re fleeting, and I gotta check.

Micah: You gotta check it off the list; otherwise…

Eric: You gotta do it. Micah, thank you for understanding.

Micah: Yes.

Andrew: We will also start selling a MuggleCast notepad where people can put their thoughts down and then share these thoughts when the time is right!

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Oh, I get it. Y’all are going to go in on a Christmas gift for me, and it’s going to be that notepad to all of my…

Andrew and Micah: Thoughts.

Eric: Yeah, okay.

Andrew: Now Laura, I mean, we can sell pants. I’m looking at the options right now. We got some… we have choices.

Eric: Let’s just say “Laura’s” on them.

Andrew: “Laura’s pants,” I think it should…

Eric: Custom-made Laura’s pants.

Laura: [laughs] I mean, listen, I’m all about the marketing push, but I will say, if I recall correctly, the particular pants in question were Gaucho pants. They were very popular at the time, and not to say that they’re an unfortunate fashion choice in general; I’ll just say they were an unfortunate fashion choice for me, so I don’t know if I recommend us doing an exact replica pant.

Andrew: Of course, of course.

Laura: Is there something more stylish? [laughs]

Eric: Do you still have them?

Laura: No.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Some joggers, maybe. Joggers, leggings…

Laura: Honestly, joggers, leggings, or sweats. Those are all me vibes.

Andrew: Perfect. Okay.

Laura: Comfy pants.

Andrew: And we’ll put “Laura’s pants” down the side, and then we’ll put a picture of your face on the backside?

Laura: Oh, no, don’t do that. [laughs]

Andrew: Okay, never mind.

Laura: I don’t want…

Andrew: But I think it’d be awesome if it said “Laura’s pants” down the side…

Eric: Yeah, down the side. Absolutely.

Andrew: … and then the mic bolt on the other side.

Laura: Yeah, I’m fine with that. I’ll be very surprised if anyone buys a pair, but let’s just see what happens.

Andrew: You see the people in the Discord? They’re buying it.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: LegalizeGillyweed is at least one customer for you right there.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Wow. I really appreciate the support.

Andrew: We’ll get working on this, y’all. Stay tuned.

Eric: Yeah, we’re on it.

Andrew: This is very exciting. All right, so those are the three ways to help us out.

[Everyone laugh]

Andrew: Buying Laura’s pants is priority number one. If you enjoy the show and think other Muggles would, too, tell a friend about the show, and leave a five star review in your favorite podcast app. We couldn’t do this without you all, so thank you so much for your support and your listenership. That does it for this week’s episode of the show. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everyone.

Laura and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #677

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #677, Lawn Enthusiast Dumbledore (OOTP Chapter 3, The Advance Guard)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the Wizarding World fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And this week, keep your wand out of your back pocket so you don’t blow your buttocks off! We are discussing Chapter 3 of Order of the Phoenix, “The Advance Guard.” And to help us with today’s discussion, we’re joined by one of our Slug Club patrons, MuggleCast listener Katie! Hi, Katie. Welcome to the show.

Katie: Thank you! Thank you for having me. Excited to be here.

Andrew: We’re excited to have you. We’re excited your plants are making a cameo on today’s podcast as well.

[Katie laughs]

Andrew: Katie is hailing from the beautiful northwest. And can we get your fandom ID?

Katie: Absolutely. Well, you can get most of it. So my favorite book is Prisoner of Azkaban, and I very much do not have a favorite movie. I was just telling Micah, if I were to pick one, it would just be out of the hat, and so I’m not going to. I actually have really not watched the movies that often; I’m really, really a book reader. So I’m not going to pick one, but if I had to, it would be whatever one I watched most recently, which is Goblet of Fire with the movie commentary, so there you go.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Love it.

Andrew: Good answer.

[Andrew and Katie laugh]

Katie: My Patronus is a wolf. My Hogwarts House is Gryffindor. I feel like those are tied together somehow, but I’m not quite sure how. And my favorite Order of the Phoenix member, up through this point, is Remus Lupin.

Andrew: Okay. Do you think…? Do the movies just sort of let you down as a reader, as a big Harry Potter reader? Is that why you’re…?

Katie: No, I like them. I love them. I just, in general, read more than I watch any media. I’m always behind on TV shows, movies, everything like that. But I read a ton.

Andrew: So on a scale of one to ten, how excited are you for the Harry Potter TV show? Do you not care?

Katie: Oh, I’m really excited. No, I’ll watch that, yeah, for sure.

Andrew: Okay. All right, sweet. It should be more loyal to the book too. At least, that’s what we’re hoping for.

Katie: We can hope. We can hope.

Andrew: Well, welcome again, Katie. Thank you for your support on Patreon, and it’s great to have you. Before we get into Chapter by Chapter, the day after we recorded last week’s episode, Maggie Smith, who played Professor McGonagall in the Harry Potter films, passed away. Died on September 27 at the age of 89 years old. This one hurt a lot of people, I think, because Maggie Smith has felt like a motherly figure to many fans, in part because of her role as Minerva McGonagall, but also she’s had such a storied career, film career, including in Downton Abbey, both the TV show and the two movies. I was a huge fan of her in the Downton Abbey series. And obviously, she’s just an amazing actress as well.

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Eric: The first thing I saw her in was Hook in the early 1990s, and they actually aged her up for that. I’m so glad that we got several more decades with her.

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Laura: She’s an incredible talent. And I will say, I heard the news when my mom texted me first thing in the morning with the news article, and I responded to it by just being like, “No!” It’s such a bummer, because you’re not expecting it, right? When someone gets older, you know that time is going to come eventually, but you don’t expect the day that it happens to be the day, right?

Andrew: And you don’t even want to think about it happening, even though it feels inevitable.

Laura: No, you don’t. And we hadn’t heard anything about her health recently, so I think that adds to the feeling of shock that comes with it. But I will say, I have absolutely loved all of the Downton Abbey “Best of” moments coming out with her.

Eric: Oh my God, the supercuts they make. [laughs]

Laura: What an incredible homage to her. She was just a phenomenal talent, and yeah, we’re worse off without her.

Andrew: Yeah, she is so funny in Downton Abbey. And I mean, to your point, Laura, about being a shock, she had a very active career up until the last couple of years. I mean, I mentioned Downton Abbey the movies; Downton Abbey: A New Era came out in 2022, only two years ago.

Micah: Yeah, I think I first saw her in Sister Act. That was my introduction to her, as Mother Superior. And she was just… as we saw in other roles she played, including in Downton Abbey, just the wit, the sarcasm, it came through as McGonagall, too, for sure. And it’s going to be hard – we talk about this a lot with the upcoming TV show – to separate the actors from the movies and whomever is going to take their part in the TV show, because so many iconic British actors and actresses portrayed these roles. It’s really British royalty of acting that was in so many of these Harry Potter films. So I just, as was stated, enjoyed the time we got to watch her, because she was really, really good.

Andrew: Yeah. And speaking of British royalty, people on social media pointed this sad fact out: Michael Gambon, who played Dumbledore in most of the Harry Potter movies, actually died exactly one year prior to Maggie Smith. He passed away on September 27, 2023. Kind of eerie that they died exactly a year apart. Well, rest in peace, Maggie Smith, and thank you for everything you gave Harry Potter fans and all your contributions to the Harry Potter film series. We will not be forgetting you anytime soon, in part because we still love the Harry Potter movies very much and everything you contributed to them.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: So let’s move on to Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 3, “The Advance Guard.” And first, we’re going to hop in our Time-Turner, right, Eric?

Eric: That’s right! We last spoke of Chapter 3, “The Advance Guard,” on Episode 435, which was on September 23, 2019; and before that, on Episode 229, which was May 27, 2011.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 229.

Micah: Last part of the chapter, they all arrive safely at Grimmauld Place. “Headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix,” is what it says on the paper that Harry gets.

Eric: Yeah, paper.

Andrew: Hmm.

Eric: Hmm, interesting.

Andrew: Pen and paper, hmm.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Priorities.

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 435.

Andrew: I like how Mad-Eye cleans his eye like beer pong players clean their ping pong balls.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Just throw it in the cup, swish it around a little bit, it’ll be fine. There won’t be hair in your beer the next time it lands in a cup.

[Laura laughs]

Cristina: You know, it’s funny; we never find out what happens to that glass of water afterwards.

Eric: [laughs] It’s just sitting on the dining room table.

Andrew: You know Petunia would put that in the dishwasher.

Laura: Immediately, yeah. [laughs]

Andrew: This foreign glass.

[Whooshing sound]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Andrew: That’s a pretty funny bit. I forgot we had discussed that.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: Were you going to bring it up again? Because it’s still funny. [laughs]

Andrew: No, no, I’m glad we played that, because I totally forgot about that. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, yeah. Well, and actually, shout-out to the Slug Club member Christina, who helped us on that earlier episode. And Katie, welcome, welcome.

Katie: I listened to that episode, actually, earlier today, and… big shoes to fill. It was a great conversation.

Andrew: Oh, really? Aw, love that.

Katie: Christina was great.

Laura: Look at this preparation.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Unbelievable. This is exactly the kind of preparation that we lack and love.

Micah: It’s more preparation than I did.

Eric: Yes.

[Andrew and Katie laugh]

Micah: The sound effect, though, the warping sound effect; they actually use that in Cursed Child. Is that where you got it from, Eric?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: No?

Micah: No, it’s just I’d recently seen it.

Eric: Is it really?

Micah: Yeah, when they go back in time, there’s this really cool effect that happens on the stage, and that’s the sound they use.

Eric: That’s the exact one?

Andrew: Is it the exact same? It can’t be the exact same.

Micah: I mean, it’s pretty close.

Eric: Well, okay, because there’s obviously different… it’s from FreeSound.org, and it’s…

[Micah laughs]

Eric: No, really.

Andrew: I heard the budget was tight for Cursed Child.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: A.k.a. the Lyric Theater.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Micah: So a lot happened in the last chapter; a lot was revealed in the last chapter, and we start this chapter with Harry feeling really further alienated than he probably did prior. And one of the things that jumped out to me right away was just his treatment of Hedwig. With everything that he’s going through, he really could use a friend in this moment, and his first thought is he needs to get letters out to Sirius and Ron and Hermione. He really wants to make them feel guilty for everything that he’s going through. Sure, now there must be a response that’s going to come back to him, but he doesn’t have the means to which to send the letter. And I feel like we’ve probably all been in similar situations before where we’ve taken something out on somebody who doesn’t deserve it, and Hedwig is the one who feels the brunt of this particular situation.

Eric: He doesn’t even let her get her dinner. She’s brought… what is it, a frog in?

Micah: A frog.

Eric: And he’s like, “You drop that down, and you go take these three letters to people!”

Laura: How rude.

Andrew: And it’s even worse when you have to take it out on your pet, on your beloved pet. I mean, that’s when things are really bad, when you have to take out your anger on your pet. But yeah, I’ve been in this situation; I’ve carried grudges, and then I let it get in the way of how I treat other people. But I try to check myself; I try to realize that they’re not the actual problem, and I need to let things go instead of holding these grudges that I hold for way too long.

Eric: Yeah, and I think Hedwig has had her share of times when she’s pecked at Harry and sassed him a little bit. She’s a bit temperamental herself, so maybe this is karmaic? But I just feel devastated at the thought of Sirius, Hermione, and Ron’s hands, you guys. Hands! He instructs Hedwig; he says, “You peck their hands until they write a sufficiently long reply.” What is it with damaged hands in this book?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: My God, Harry is a mini Umbridge here.

Laura: You think it’s foreshadowing?

Eric: Well, I think it’s terrifying. I think it’s painful.

Laura: It is such an interesting connecting the threads moment, because he’s literally asking for Hedwig to do that while they are writing, to make them write nice, long responses, and then, of course, Umbridge’s punishment of Harry is when he is writing.

Eric: Well, and Ron and Hermione have already told Harry that Dumbledore will not let them say much, and he clearly glosses over that fact when he’s like, “You’ve got to damage their hands until they write me long and well back.” What are they going to do? They can’t do anything! Hedwig is just going to have to attack… Hedwig hasn’t even eaten.

Andrew: He doesn’t really know that at this time, though, that they can’t do anything. I mean, he’s so in the dark. They do explain this in the next chapter, but at this moment, he’s just like, “Why are they ignoring me?”

Eric: Well, I think it’s in their letter. I think it’s in the letters they have sent him already that they can’t say much.

Katie: Either way, I picture it… even if they are trying to write him a longer letter, “I’m so sorry; we can’t explain,” but they’re literally pen in hand and Hedwig is still pecking. The letters get all messed up. They’re trying to write the letters. I mean, I don’t really know how that would have worked anyway if she’s pecking at their hands.

Eric: She’s just trying to do her duty. Yeah, he made her skip dinner. She’s hungry.

Laura: Yeah. I also think it’s just unfortunately common, like we talked about here at the top, to take things out on the people closest to you when you’re having a hard time, and a lot of times it’s not even intentional. I’ll put it out there and say I had some tough times in the last couple of years, and I have to imagine that I was not a terribly easy person to live with when I was going through some tough times, and I think that’s what Harry is seeing here.

Eric: Apology accepted, Laura, by the way.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: Well, okay, is this how we’re revealing that we’ve secretly been roommates for the entire time?

Eric: Yeah, we were on an episode of… we did that whole season of Big Brother together.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: No, but it’s true. Look, who among us has not done this? Maybe not quite so intense. I still just… I feel really bad for Harry here, because he’s just not in a good place. Like Micah said, he’s worse than he ever was now that something exciting has happened and continually he’s been pushed back into the dark.

Micah: He has. But Andrew, you’re happy, though, that Harry is a take charge person in this chapter.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Well, yeah, because I mean, the chapter just straight up opens up with what he writes to Sirius and Ron and Hermione. “I’ve just been attacked by Dementors and I might be expelled from Hogwarts. I want to know what’s going on and when I’m going to get out of here.” Period. Blunt. Straight to the point. He’s had it. I just love the tone that he strikes right there.

Laura: Honestly, I could see that being a Slack message you send to everyone, Andrew.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Be like, “I’ve had it!” [laughs]

Eric: @channel. @here.

Andrew: [laughs] @here: “I’ve just been attacked by Dementors, and I still need to edit the darn podcast. I might be expelled from MuggleCast if you don’t get me these files soon. I want to know what’s going on. Where are the files?”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: “Where are the show notes?”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: That hits too close to home.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: I wasn’t going to say it.

Laura: Yeah, I wasn’t directly attacking anyone. I was just going down the checklist of things Andrew needs to be able to produce the show.

Eric: Yeah. Hey, listen, it takes a lot.

Andrew: Hey, while we’re on the subject, Eric, you have show notes this upcoming Tuesday. Do you know that? Just checking.

Eric: Thank you, thank you.

Micah: And going back to Harry, it’s a bit ironic that having been isolated for so much of the summertime, in this moment where he could have somebody who does mean something to him and is close to him, he chooses to isolate himself even further in his actions by sending Hedwig away.

Eric: He’s got no choice if he wants answers, and has to ask for them, though, because she’s his only way to do that to get them.

Micah: It’s true, but I’m just not sure what he’s expecting to receive in return that’s going to be any different from what he got previously.

Eric: Yeah, I mean, not from Ron or Hermione. There’s no way they can properly explain anything more than anything, but an adult? Sirius, maybe? But…

Micah: Well, to make matters worse, Hedwig doesn’t return. She’s like, “Screw you, Harry. I’m taking my frog, I might go pick up a few more frogs on the way, and you are just going to suck it up at Privet Drive for the next couple of days.”

Eric: [laughs] Do you think it’s possible that when she arrives, they’re like, “We get it,” and they just… they’re saying, “We can’t write you a sufficient reply that you’ll like, but we’re going to go get him.”

Micah: “But Molly is cooking in the kitchen, so go enjoy yourself.”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: Yeah, exactly. I feel like at that point they would have said to Hedwig, “Look, we know he’s pissed. Just hold on and he’ll be here.”

Andrew: “Just stay here with us and we’re going to go and grab him in a couple days.”

Micah: You think they held her captive? Like, Hedwig is trying to squirm away, and Ron and Hermione are holding her down?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Well, I do love the idea of them having to keep her in a room because she keeps trying to bite their hands. I like that idea.

Micah: Or they Stun her and say, “Don’t worry.”

Eric: That’s too soon.

Laura: Although, I don’t know; I could also see her being fed up with the whole situation, and showing up there and being like, “You know what? I’m going to roost here. Y’all go pick him up, because I don’t want to deal with him.”

Micah: So it ends up being four days before anything of significance actually happens, and Harry’s anger, his confusion, his paranoia, is entering next level territory. Nobody’s telling him what’s going on. And I know I’ve experienced this many times; your irrational mind just starts to spiral. Do we think this was the right move by Dumbledore? Should he have come for Harry the night of the Dementor attack?

Eric: Ooh.

Micah: Or in fairness to Dumbledore, did he need time to actually implement an exit strategy for Harry without drawing suspicion from the Ministry?

Eric: Probably that.

Andrew: Yeah, given how many Advance Guard members end up being involved in this extraction, I think Dumbledore saw this as a very serious, risky situation that he wanted to be well-prepared for, and that was going to take a little bit of time. Did Dumbledore have to go and speak to Harry himself? I don’t think so. I wish he got some sort of message to him sooner, but in terms of the timing of it all, it seems acceptable to me. Again, considering how many people show up to extract Harry, that implies that they were very nervous about Ministry officials, or maybe even Voldemort getting in the way.

Eric: Absolutely. I think also the night of, or the day of, you’re not sure if that’s the final bit of the attack. Think about the lull between when the towers fell in New York; there was a brief period of time where you probably could have assumed that was the only one. Maybe that’s an extreme example, but Dumbledore would be right for assuming because Privet Drive is now… Harry is stating it’s untenable; it’s not going to work for him. Fine, they’re making other arrangements, but until he absolutely hits his breaking point that he’s doing in this chapter, it’s still the best option to keep him there. And so Dumbledore is not going to act rashly, no matter how pissed Harry might be in the moment, to remove Harry from this situation, because it’s still the safest place for him, and you don’t know what else is coming down the line. If Dementors can make it a Little Whinging, anything can.

Katie: It just seems kind of crazy to me, though. In the previous chapter, we’re seeing owls from everywhere finding the exact locations within the house and delivering new messages, and then no messages for four days. It could not have been that hard to give Harry a little bit of an update. “Hold tight; we’re coming.”

Andrew: Right.

Eric: Yeah, oh, a “Sit tight” message would have been great. Signed, everybody.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Then he’s like, “All 20 of them are together without me?” [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, I feel like that would have made it worse. But yeah, some sort of short message to let him know help is coming sooner rather than later.

Micah: I agree with that. I think that’s the big missing piece here, is that four days is a long time, especially for somebody who is not allowed, never mind to leave his home, but probably is not leaving his room. And we know what Harry has been through up until this point this summer; we know what he went through at the end of last school year. The fact that he’s getting zero information and zero correspondence after everything that transpired the night before? To me, that suggests that Dumbledore should have stepped in and done something to make Harry just feel a little bit more comfortable. Andrew, I know you mentioned, though, that the level of the extraction, the amount of people that were asked to partake in this or volunteered to partake in this, suggests that this was a pretty big undertaking. And Eric, you agreed as well.

Eric: Yeah, as far as exit strategy, I kept going ahead to Book 7’s “Seven Potters” chapter, because the level of security, the level of precautions that we see the Advance Guard deploy in this chapter are quite similar; in fact, lesser than they end up being in Book 7. And it just really speaks to how necessary this level of precaution is, because they don’t know as much about, like, “Would Voldemort really stage an attack right now?” In Book 7, they know he’s going to, but they have to take this level of precaution. And so even though nothing happens except they get a little bit of frostbite – they’re going to lose a few toes – ultimately, this is a lot safer, but the precautions have to be in place all the same. So I think that the later chapter informs us that the precautions taken in this chapter were actually appropriate.

Laura: Yeah. Lupin also, later in this chapter, mentions that they’ve been setting up headquarters, and that that in and of itself has taken some time. And I think I mentioned this, not last week but the week before, that I could see Dumbledore not wanting Harry to be around as a potential window into the movement that was going into securing Grimmauld Place as headquarters.

Eric: It’s interesting because, what, Harry is just going to breathe in dust and Dumbledore cares a lot about…? Because all they’re doing as far as setting up is you needed the Fidelius Charm, but that had to have been in place before anyone can use headquarters. And they’re just decluttering, right? That’s all they end up doing the rest of the summer is just decluttering. So I like this idea that, “Oh, we have to set up headquarters; Harry can’t…” because he only needs to be there, what, for 24 hours on Privet Drive, we said. But at the same time, he could have come a little sooner, I think.

Laura: He could have. They’re also having a lot of very… they’re having grownup conversations that they’re very sensitive about the kids, particularly Harry, having access to, which, given the connection to Voldemort, makes a certain amount of sense to me. But I agree; there was a more careful and caring way that this could have been handled.

Eric: Yeah. It’s interesting because the reason that not only Harry, but Fred and George and everyone are highstr… all the kids want to listen in to these meetings because there’s so much hubbub around them, and Harry has been kept in the dark for so long. So maybe if they had invited him over sooner, his friendship with all the other kids… it would have had maybe a more relaxed air about it, and so they wouldn’t need to pay that much attention to what’s happening. But the big feature when they get to Grimmauld Place is “We’re not being allowed in these meetings,” and it makes it worse.

Andrew: Well, we will discuss the Dursley angle here as well as the Advance Guard themselves in a few moments, but first, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

[Ad break]

Micah: All right, this is something that we definitely touched on a bit when we did Episode 435, but I thought it was worth revisiting, because we have talked so much about how the Dursleys treat Harry in prior discussions in Sorcerer’s Stone, in Chamber of Secrets, Prisoner of Azkaban, and Harry is being really badly mistreated here. He’s being fed through a cat flap in the door. Vernon is about to lock him in his room as they go out for the evening. He is explicitly told not to steal from the fridge; don’t touch any of their possessions. This is somebody who’s lived in their home now for the last 15 years? 14 years? This is really just nastiness, isn’t it?

Andrew: It is; it’s really rough to see. And I think it’s fair to say at this point that Harry is suffering from depression. Some of these lines really stuck out to me as signs of depression. Quote, “He could not even summon the energy to get up and turn on his bedroom light.” And this other quote, “Harry lay there in a kind of stupor, thinking of nothing, suspended in misery.”

Eric: He’s staring at the ceiling for hours at on end. He’s lost in the injustice. He’s feeling helpless. Yeah, these are all markers.

Andrew: Dark times, dark times.

Katie: And maybe it’s the helplessness and that lethargy that he’s feeling, but I was impressed in this chapter that he actually acknowledges that if he were to go venture out, then he would get into a fight with the Dursleys, and that would not be helpful, whereas last chapter, he was actively picking a fight with Dudley. So even though he is taking out some frustrations on Hedwig, I think the fact that he is aware enough to avoid that extra fight with the Dursleys I was pretty impressed with.

Eric: You’re right, Katie. That’s a great point. He’s got some perspective now!

Andrew: Well, and his temper was up in the last chapter, too, so that’s probably a factor. And I think in this chapter, he even tells himself that he will do some magic he doesn’t intend to do again, or he says he could potentially get himself in in trouble with the Ministry again. He knows he’s in the doghouse right now, so he can’t risk it. He hopes that he can go back to Hogwarts or undo what has occurred, and getting himself in more trouble is not going to help. Now, on the other hand, he’s very much in the dark, so if he acted out again against the Dursleys, I would certainly understand where that rage was coming from. Unfortunately, the Ministry would not.

Micah: But it’s not the worst thing in the world for Harry for the Dursleys to leave the house.

Andrew: No.

Micah: I’m sure that’s probably at the top of his list of things he would want during the summertime. But presumably at other times, he would be able to leave his room.

Andrew: Right.

Katie: So are we to think that the Dursleys have also been home for these four days continuously? I mean, presumably Vernon is going to work; Dudley is going out. I don’t know. Maybe Petunia has to do the shopping.

Andrew: Maybe, but also, they want to do this under the cover of darkness, I assume, as well; get Harry out of Privet Drive, so that’s going to require getting the Dursleys out of the house at night, so maybe that’s why they’ve been waiting as well. Because to your point, yeah, maybe Petunia went out for a little bit, but it’s going to be during the daytime she’s going out, presumably. I, for one, love doing my food shopping during the day, so I assume Petunia would as well.

Micah: Yeah, you two are thick as thieves.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: Yeah, two peas in a pod.

Andrew: We both want our Hogwarts letter, okay? [laughs]

Micah: Well, let’s switch gears a little bit here and talk about the party that arrives to rescue Harry from Privet Drive. Thought we could kick things off with a little bit of a name origin.

[Name origin sound effect plays]

Micah: So an Advance Guard is a body of soldiers preceding and making preparations for the main body of an army, in this case, an army of one being Harry Potter. [laughs] But I did think this was cool, that they were referred to in this way, and this is what the Advance Guard represents. Now, where do we think this particular rescue attempt ranks in rescue attempts from Privet Drive?

Eric: I love this question. This is great.

Andrew: [laughs] Give us a rundown first of all the ones we know.

Micah: All right, so not exactly Privet Drive, but Hagrid shows up in Sorcerer’s Stone to rescue Harry and to tell him that he’s a wizard.

Eric: Okay, okay.

Micah: Fred and George show up via Ford Anglia in Chamber of Secrets; the accidental summoning of the Knight Bus in Prisoner of Azkaban; the Weasleys doing their best Santa impression and showing up via chimney in Goblet of Fire

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Micah: We have the Advance Guard here showing up in Order of the Phoenix. Dumbledore, the man himself, finally steps foot again on Privet Drive…

Eric: Amazing.

Micah: … after many holidays in Ibiza, in Half-Blood Prince.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: And then something we’re going to talk a little bit more about later, the Seven Potters in Deathly Hallows. So this is kind of the original version of the Seven Potters; like the Seven Potters is part two.

Eric: Yeah, I would rank this in around the middle. Nobody dies. I think it gets points for the fact that nobody… or is seriously injured the way last year Dudley nearly died in that horrible manner because of Fred and George’s prank. It’s really, really nice that Harry has all of a sudden gone from nothing to finding himself surrounded by seven or eight wizards, and they’re clearly there to take care of him. From the outset, he doesn’t know who all of them are, but they’re clearly there for him, and that gives me warm feelings. I don’t know how I’d rank the others, but I’d say this is right in the middle. Do you guys agree? Katie, do you agree?

Katie: I don’t know if I agree. I think if I were Harry, I would have been questioning whether they were truly there to take care of me a little bit more. I mean, it’s like, you don’t really know how much time is passing, but it is minutes before Lupin asks Harry, “How are you?” They’re not even really calling out to him to check where he is when they first get there, and they’re not prepping him to go; they are doing their own thing. And I was just reading this chapter thinking if I were Harry, I think I would have been throwing off curses, thinking, “Are these more Dementors? Am I getting attacked again? What’s going on here?” But he accepts them very calmly, which I don’t know if that would have been my reaction.

Andrew: I think this is actually why it does rank higher for me. I don’t want to put it in a particular place in this list, but I think it ranks high because it is so interesting that Harry thought he was completely in the dark, and then all of a sudden, here’s the Advance Guard, many of them showing up at his doorstep after they successfully got the Dursleys out of their own home by tricking them into thinking they were winners in a lawn competition. And then just the angle of like, “Wait, this is the real Moody? This is bizarre for me to be interacting with the real Moody for the first time.” And then Lupin, yeah, he does take some time to speak with Harry, but Lupin is kind of like his father in the scene, because Lupin at one point does say, “Hey, don’t worry, Harry. You can trust that this is the real Moody.” And I also love – and this is at Harry’s expense, so I’m sorry, Harry – but I love that all of them are just staring at Harry when they arrive like he’s a zoo animal. [laughs]

Eric: They’re starstruck, yeah.

Laura: Some of them definitely are. I think what makes this particular jailbreak from Privet Drive unique compared to everything that came before it is this is the first time that it’s actively dangerous to be transporting Harry from Privet Drive back to the wizarding world. I feel like the examples we get in Books 1 through 4 are presented in a far more lighthearted fashion than this one is. And this really is… Book 4, Goblet, getting into Order, it really is the turning point of the series where things get really dangerous.

Eric: That’s a great point, yeah. Because Voldemort is back.

Katie: Yeah, you can use a little bit of that lightheartedness, even if you think too hard sometimes it might feel out of place, but it feels good to have a little bit of that too.

Micah: For sure. I really liked the Ford Anglia, but if I had to vote, I would say probably Dumbledore’s personal escort service would be at the top, just because of the conversation that happens in the Dursleys’ living room, and then Kreacher shows up, and it’s just so good. But I do like what’s being said. And if you look to the last jailbreak being the Seven Potters, there’s no higher risk involved, and all of those people volunteered to come knowing that they may not make it back to their respective locations alive. It feels like, compared to this, the risk is much higher in Deathly Hallows than Order of the Phoenix.

Katie: Yeah, yeah. And here it still very much has a feeling of “The grownups are in charge, and the grownups are handling it and they’re the ones taking the risk, and they’re here to protect Harry,” but talk about Seven Potters, and it’s all Harry’s generation that’s at risk as well, and so it really has a different level of responsibility involved.

Micah: Yeah, that’s a great point. So what message should it send to Harry that nine wizards, including three Aurors, have been sent to safely transport him from Privet Drive? I mean, this is a big contingent of people.

Andrew: “We do love you, Harry! See, we weren’t ghosting you.”

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: “We just needed some time.”

Micah: Do you think Hedwig should have been there?

Andrew: Hedwig should have been there. That would have been the icing on the cake.

Eric: And her frogs. She should just have a half-eaten frog in her mouth.

Andrew: No, I think… this actually gets back to what I was talking about during Make the Personal Connection last week. Things do get better. You think people aren’t behind you, you think you’re in trouble, you think you’re doomed… things do get better. All you got to do is wait it out sometimes.

Eric: Yeah, I feel like there’s nothing wrong with that, but the idea that he would have been cursing at them or spelling them… they’re ultimately not really that much authorized to say more than Ron or Hermione, or anybody via letter would be, so if he had taken this time to be cross with them, they would have taken him to Grimmauld Place in, like, a cage.

[Eric and Katie laugh]

Eric: They would have just constructed, blindfolded… I feel like they could overpower and subdue him, but I hate to think that they would have to.

Katie: Yeah, totally agree; they could have fought back if he did fire off curses. But I don’t know. I think my reaction to the nine wizards… not the nine wizards themselves, but Moody’s comment about… he said, like, “Never too many,” or “More would have been better.” He said something like that, and I just had the thought that Moody has never heard the phrase “There’s too many cooks in the kitchen.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Katie: Because now I’m picturing so many wizards circling around Harry in the air, and I can’t imagine that would be a great thing for secrecy’s sake, either. But it is nice to show how many people are supporting.

Eric: You’re right. That’s a good point.

Andrew: It is a little strange, too, because they’re so concerned about being spotted up in the air, but they don’t seem to be concerned about going from the ground to getting above the clouds…

Laura: Right.

Andrew: … and that seems like the most obvious place for them to be spotted, right in the front yard of Privet Drive.

Laura: Yeah, it’s not very inconspicuous, that’s for sure. [laughs]

Andrew: No.

Eric: Meanwhile, the Put-Outer has already been used once on Privet Drive for that reason, but it doesn’t make an appearance until they land in London. It’s the beginning of next chapter that it gets used. But one of them’s got it on him; I think it’s Lupin actually has the Put-Outer on him.

Micah: I think it’s… isn’t it Moody? Moody uses it at the end of this chapter.

Eric: There you go.

Andrew: Even still, I don’t see that as a great excuse or a great way to explain how they’re not spotted on the ground.

Micah: Yeah, I’ve never understood how that really works either. It’s like, “Oh, you put out the street light.” There’s still other lights.

Andrew: Coming from the homes?

Micah: People can still see in the dark. [laughs] It’s not like you’re up in the Northwest where at night it gets pitch black, right, Katie?

Katie: Right.

Andrew: Privet Drive is not a dark sky certified area of land.

Micah: No, it’s a suburban street.

[Andrew laughs]

Katie: And it’s also summertime, right?

Laura: Yes!

Katie: So when is sunset? It’s probably only really dusk here. I imagine this award ceremony isn’t at 10:00 p.m.

Andrew: Well, and in Europe, the sun sets very late. I’ll never forget watching Game of Thrones over there at 9:00 or 10:00 p.m. and it was still broad daylight. I’m like, “This is weird.” The days are long over there in summer.

Eric: Well, I feel the need to mention that we’re forgetting how overcast and cloudy England always is, so even in the summer, there’d be cloud cover.

Micah: True.

Andrew: Nah, this is one big plot hole. We just unearthed a major plot hole.

Eric: Well, why do they use the Put-Outer when they land?

Andrew: What’s with this book? No longer my favorite. [laughs]

Eric: Wow, the stakes are real on this read-through.

Micah: We’ve talked a little bit about Mad-Eye. We mentioned Remus in terms of members of the Advance Guard. We’re introduced to two new characters in Nymphadora Tonks and Kingsley Shacklebolt, which will become more important a little bit later on throughout Order of the Phoenix, but later on into the series; you could probably throw Elphias Doge into that mix as well, as he appears in Deathly Hallows.

Eric: And Hestia Jones.

Micah: Yeah. Sturgis Podmore, Emmeline Vance, Dedalus Diggle, and Hestia Jones – as you mentioned, Eric – round out our Advance Guard. And I thought it was a bit ironic that it’s Mad-Eye Moody who questions if Harry is actually Harry; that was clearly thrown in there as a throwback to Goblet of Fire.

Eric: [laughs] Well, it’s a great opportunity to mention it. The last time Harry saw Moody, he wasn’t him.

Andrew: And maybe he’s trying to teach Harry something here, like, “Be on your guard. Remember, I was fake as hell last book, to you at least.”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: “So you should be asking me this question. Wink, wink.”

Laura: I also feel like there were just Dementors here; you don’t know what all the Dark side is up to, so I think it’s actually really smart that he does this. And it could also be foreshadowing to the Seven Potters in Deathly Hallows as well, where we also know there are other examples of characters forcing each other to prove they are who they say they are when they show up at the…

Eric: It’s how we get Mollywobbles.

Laura: Aww, yeah.

Eric: When they’re at the Burrow, it’s how we know what Mollywobbles is. So again, yeah, here’s an example. They’re leading by example and instructing Harry how to verify somebody’s identity. It comes into play two years from now.

Micah: But you’d be checking your breakfast, right, Eric?

Eric: I would be checking for anything in my cereal if I were Moody proper.

Micah: Oh, if you were Moody. That makes sense. What if your eye fell into your cereal?

[Andrew and Katie laugh]

Eric: Then it would be lubed up?

Katie: Then it’s extra checked. That’s how you check it, right? Just throw it in there?

Eric: Yeah, milk’s a lubricant, right?

Micah: We touched on this little bit earlier with Lupin being this familiar face; do we think specifically that’s why he was sent as part of the Advance Guard? And kind of as a follow-up question, given that Harry had just performed the Patronus Charm days earlier, is Lupin’s safety question really that safe? We’re in this whole mindset of making sure Harry is Harry, and not trying to get tricked and accidentally smuggle a Death Eater back to Grimmauld Place, but I don’t think this safety question really stands the test. It’s a poor safety question on the part of Lupin.

Eric: Wow. Wow. I mean, most wizards are shocked to learn Harry can even conjure a Patronus. But for Lupin, it must be a case of just asking the one question he himself knew the answer to. Nobody knows the answer to this question more than Harry himself and Lupin, so that’s…

Andrew: It’s kind of a throwback, isn’t it? [laughs] Just like…

Eric: Yeah, to last time they worked so closely together.

Andrew: Yeah, for the reader.

Eric: But my question is what if Harry had said a moose? Or a deer, right? A deer is not incorrect, but stag is the way that they know James. It’s always called a… it’s never not called a stag. But what if he got close but didn’t nail it? What would that…?

Andrew: That’s a good call.

Eric: How would that play out? Because anybody around the street, or anybody that’s seen Harry cast it from afar, any of the other Hogwarts students… I don’t know. It’s getting into murky territory here.

Laura: Yeah, but I could see somebody calling it a buck, for example, instead of a stag.

Eric: A buck. It’s specifically a stag, is why I’m like, “Okay, yeah, clearly this is Harry, because he calls it the same thing that they called it.” But stag is such a… I don’t know when I’ve had many opportunities to come up with “stag.” I probably would have gone “buck” first as well.

Katie: I kind of took this as Lupin… half safety question, half just getting comfortable with Harry again, kind of joking around, maybe showing Harry we don’t have to take Moody all that seriously. Hopefully, it sounds like Lupin was already pretty confident in Harry’s identity.

Eric: It is a great question as far as “Was he brought along because Harry has a relationship with him?” And I think it’s got to be, because he actually doesn’t have a relationship with these other people. I mean, he’s met Dedalus Diggle twice before, once in a shop and once in the Leaky Cauldron in year one, but there’s no real personal connection here. These strange wizards are going to take him away. What if they’re all Death Eaters? In fact, last year, one of them was disguised… was a Death Eater!

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: So Lupin is really the one that Harry is meant to trust, I think, to go with them.

Micah: Yeah. And I think, though, in the movie the question is different, right? Lupin asks him what was in the tank in the first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson?

Eric: Grindylow! Yeah, that’s right. Well, maybe they identified that it’s a bad question.

Micah: Or am I thinking about Deathly Hallows – Part 1?

Katie: I think that’s a Deathly Hallows question.

Laura: I think that is, yeah.

Micah: Okay. Never mind then. But I still think it’s a weak question.

Laura: But it is funny because in Deathly Hallows, Lupin is the one who really doesn’t believe it’s Harry. He’s a lot more aggressive towards him than he is here.

Eric: Is Harry so desperate that, if Lupin weren’t here, he would go with these strange adult wizards who claim they’re with Dumbledore?

Andrew: Yes. 100%.

Katie: Yeah, he didn’t ask any of them a safety question, right?

Andrew: Right.

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: But he’s so desperate to get out of there.

Micah: He wants to go, yeah.

Eric: We’re all agreeing Harry would just… Harry doesn’t care at this point.

Andrew: He’d go with it anyway, yeah.

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: But you also have to assume, if you’re Harry, that Dumbledore now has even more eyes on you in light of what happened, so I’d be more inclined to believe that these people are who they say they are.

Eric: Okay.

Micah: Well, we are introduced to one of the coolest characters in the Harry Potter series in this chapter in Nymphadora Tonks. And while we’ve been talking a little bit about the fact that Lupin being there disarms Harry, I really think Tonks is the one who grounds him in this chapter, when they go up to his room. And I think it’s important for Harry to see someone close to his age who’s an Auror, and somebody who recognizes her mistakes, her shortcomings, and is willing to own them. I mean, she’s very truthful in her conversation with Harry for just meeting him for the first time.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Eric: Tonks is great. Tonks is great.

Andrew: And I think it’s a nice moment for Harry because Tonks is pointing out, “This house is almost suspiciously clean, isn’t it?”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Which I think says a lot about the Dursleys, and it kind of tells Harry that she immediately understands the type of people that Harry has been living with, these fake people.

Micah: True.

Laura: She also talks to him like a human being. She treats him like a normal person, which isn’t something he’s getting from the other people that he’s meeting for the first time here.

Eric: Yeah, I mean, it is complete with this… she does make him uncomfortable by looking at his scar this one time, but that’s sort of a natural thing that everyone does at this point. But you’re right; she’s just normal. And knowing that Auror is the only career path he’s ever thought of, which is what this chapter says, knowing that she’s an Auror, that somebody so close to him in age and so cool and so flawed – in terms of having, like you said, weaknesses, like she’s clumsy – can become an Auror, and also has this Metamorphmagus thing going on… she’s an immediate role model for Harry.

Katie: I think “grounds,” that Micah said earlier, is also such a great way to describe what she does here, too, because she’s kind of getting to know him on a more personal level. She’s joining him away from the group. I don’t want to say “taking” him away from the group, because that sounds nefarious, but maybe she can tell he’s super overwhelmed with all these new people, so she kind of puts him in a little bit more of a relaxed setting. He can tell that she’s not super worried about the outcome, so maybe that calms him down a little bit as well. So yeah, I think it was a great way to introduce Tonks here.

Laura: You know what? I feel like she has big sister energy here. I think that’s what it is. She’s being a big sister to Harry in this moment.

Eric: Aww.

Micah: How about Moody? Do we feel like he’s overreacting at all? We know about him at this point. We know how he behaves normally, never mind when he’s being impersonated by a Death Eater, and certainly last year would lend itself to him behaving even more paranoid. But he jokes about not breaking rank should one of them die, and I just couldn’t help but think about Deathly Hallows.

Katie: I don’t think he was joking.

Eric: He wasn’t joking, yeah.

Laura: No. [laughs]

Eric: But he mentions it. He’s the hard boiled, straight one. He’s literally the funniest. The funniest thing about Mad-Eye is he’s not funny. There’s no… in a crowd, he’s the most serious one, and that’s funny. So Tonks…

Andrew: And this is why Dumbledore trusts him, I think.

Eric: Yes.

Andrew: And he’s the military guy in the operation, no BS, straight to the point, “We’re going to do this, and we’re going to do this right, and we’re going to save this kid.” I like the tone that Moody strikes here.

Eric: I agree, because you believe also that he’s motivated to do things right, especially after how he spent his last year. He’s motivated to make sure that that doesn’t happen to him again, so you’re extra inclined to trust him. And Tonks is the one who takes him down a peg when she’s like, “Who do you know that’s lost a buttock? You’re being too over-serious here.”

Katie: Yeah, and he does seem to respond well whenever Tonks does push back on him too. It’s like he’s going all in, but then when she pulls him back, it seems like he’s kind of okay with it. I think he wanted to double back at some point, and Tonks was like, “We’re all freezing!” and I don’t think that they ended up doubling back. So maybe he just goes hard all the way and knows that the team will do what’s necessary.

Micah: She’s his protégé, though, isn’t…?

Katie: Mentee?

Micah: I always had the sense that she studied under Moody. Maybe I’m making that up in my head.

Eric: Yeah, I don’t remember where in canon, but I had the same inkling. I had the same thought for…

Micah: So he has a deep level of respect for her. And I think, to your point, Katie, it comes through in this chapter and at other times in the series. But does this whole rescue situation seem overly dramatic?

Andrew: Micah.

Eric: Hindsight is too…

Micah: “We’re going to lure the Dursleys away and we’re going to send nine people, and then we’re going to do all these charms, and then we’re going to go up and fly…”

Eric: I’m going to send you a printout of Deathly Hallows‘ “Seven Potters” and you…

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: I’m sorry, yeah, next chapter: “Number 12 Grimmauld Place.” They make it! It was a successful operation. There’s nothing wrong with this successful operation!

Micah: Well, in fairness to the Advance Guard, I think it was Lupin who mentions how they can’t risk using the Floo Network, and something about Apparating would set off alarm bells, so…

Eric: Well, Harry can’t do it.

Micah: Well, he does it in Half-Blood Prince, right?

Eric: Well, side-along is not invented yet by the author. It’s not a thing.

Micah: Ah, that must be it. Well, surely there could have been another option. We just talked about how he’s rescued in all the other books. [laughs]

Eric: That’s true.

Katie: But Floo Powder would have too much Ministry oversight, right? I mean, I could see the reasons. The one thing that I just… actually, the reason I went back and listened to the previous episode was all of the magic happening at Number 4 Privet Drive.

Eric: Oh! I’m so glad you brought this up.

Katie: How does this not alert the Ministry? I don’t understand.

Eric: There has to be… you know how when you’re coding and you want to put a secret comment in the…? Mark will know; he’s not here.

Laura: Yeah, commenting your code?

Eric: Commenting your code, and stuff that helps for context. I wonder if there’s a way to do a spell where it masks itself, like the way that you do a nonverbal spell when you don’t want your opponent to know what you’re about to cast on them. But there must be a way in which the adults are masking, because they’re using a ton of magic inside the house, but it isn’t getting picked up by a Ministry who would look for this as an opportunity to further penalize Harry.

Andrew: It’s a good question.

Eric: I had that thought.

Katie: I could take that as a headcanon solution. There’s a way to cast your magic in secret.

Andrew: Hide. Yeah, because there’s got to be a lot of interest in being able to do that for a variety of reasons, so you would have to think that adult wizards have figured that out by now, how to trick the system.

Laura: And I’m sure it’s illegal.

[Katie laughs]

Andrew: Yes, for sure.

Laura: It has to be.

Eric: Well, there’s good illegal and bad illegal, right? This is useful to not get Harry in trouble.

Laura: Sure.

Katie: The coding analogy is a little funky because when you comment out code, it no longer is effective, right? But this magic is still being executed.

Eric: There must be a way to subtly… or go incognito with your spellcasting so that the trace can’t…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: There we go. That’s a better…

Andrew: Draw a parallel to a Chrome tab.

Eric: One thing I thought of, though, if we’re really comparing Books 5 and 7 here, Harry does actually flat out ask the adults, “What’s going on with Vol -?” And he doesn’t say Voldemort, and they all stop him from saying it, and I wonder if they, in that moment, are thinking that there’s a possibility that his name might be tabooed the way that it is in the books, and that’s how the Death Eaters find them.

Katie: It’ll be interesting to see how the speaking out loud of the full name “Voldemort” comes up in the rest of the book, if we keep tracking that. Because yeah, they definitely cut him off here, but I wonder if Dumbledore continues to use it like always…

Eric: Yeah. Oh, that’s a great point. Yeah, yeah. I know it’s definitely all adults are squeamish about it, so this scene makes sense, but I was thinking, because Harry is unprotectedly… they’re about to rescue him; the stakes couldn’t be higher. It made it seem like they jump on him.

Micah: This is certainly a precursor for the Seven Potters in Deathly Hallows, and I wonder, too, if Dumbledore was alive, would he have allowed this same kind of rescue attempt to happen? Because there’s a lot of risk, obviously, in doing this, and they’ve already tried it once in Order of the Phoenix; why try and duplicate the effort in Deathly Hallows? So maybe we can talk a little bit about that when we get to our Book 7 reread. But as we mentioned, Harry and company make it safely to Number 12 Grimmauld Place. If I remember correctly, a very fun sequence of events to play in the Lego Harry Potter games.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: Stuff in the fountain. Stuff is all messed up. You’ve got to smash everything to advance.

Micah: But before we head over to hear from our patrons on the Lynx Line, I did want to ask one final question. We hear about the Rear Guard, so there is supposedly another guard that is in place to take over should anything happen, should all nine of these people be killed…

Andrew: Agh!

[Eric laughs]

Micah: … in transit to Grimmauld Place. And I was curious; I don’t remember ever learning about who the members of the Rear Guard were. Who do we think is stationed to collect Harry and bring him safely to Grimmauld Place should something happen?

Andrew: So I feel like the Advance Guard are the A team, right? They’re the good people; we’re feeling confident they’re going to pull off this mission successfully. Once you fill up the Advance Guard with all the good people, there’s the people who aren’t so good, but you’ve got to have this backup plan just in case. Dung. Dung’s got to be in the Rear Guard. And also, Arthur. I’m sorry, but Arthur is not the strongest weapon, so he’s on the backup team. Those are my two guesses.

Katie: I like to picture Hagrid on his… well, I don’t actually remember where the motorcycle is at this point in the story, but I think I like to picture Hagrid just a couple hundred yards back in the sky, alone on the motorcycle, just making sure everything’s going okay.

Andrew: That’s a good idea.

Micah: All right, well, we’re going to hear from our patrons in just a minute, but we need to hear a word from our sponsors first.

[Ad break]


Lynx Line


Micah: So on this week’s Lynx Line, which is our newest benefit on Patreon… of course, thanks to those who support us over at Patreon.com/MuggleCast for answering this week’s questions. In the spirit of the Advance Guard, we asked: What five Potter characters – because nine is too many…

[Laura laughs]

Micah: … would you choose for your own Advance Guard? And I figured we could read these in host order. So Andrew?

Andrew: So this first one comes from Jennifer:

“Picking an Advanced Guard? Heck yes! I’d start off with Dumbledore – if Voldemort fears him, everyone should. Kingsley – he’s just a badass. Lupin – smart and also a werewolf! McGonagall – she’s freaking smart! She’s amazing! Finally, I picked Dobby – he would do anything to save Harry Potter!”

Aw, that was a really cute answer overall.

Eric: Really cute answer. From Carly: “Kingsley: If he protected the Muggle Prime Minister, he’s good enough for this.” Darn good point. “Flitwick: Bro was a dueling champion, so he probably has killer reflexes.” Oh, another great point. “Moody: I relate heavy to his hyper vigilance. McGonagall: Badass + Animagus.” And, “Angelina Johnson, assuming she’s old enough to consent, because being awesome at Quidditch tells me she’s a very skilled flyer.”

Micah: All good choices. Asia says,

“Remus Lupin and Sirius Black (because Wolfstar), Minerva McGonagall (she’s a badass mother… you know the rest).”

[Laura laughs]

“Bill Weasley (he’s a talented wizard who knows about curse breaking), and Hagrid (he’s caring and would be very protective).”

Katie: And Shannon says,

“One: Dumbledore (as long as he’s not too busy ignoring me), Peeves (he would be dedicated to destruction if anyone tried to get in the way of the mission – and he respects Dumbledore, so that’s another reason we need him), Fleur (she could use her Veela powers if needed for a distraction).”

That’s a great idea.

“Mad-Eye (CONSTANT VIGILANCE! And serious dedication), and Lupin (very intelligent with lots of knowledge in various areas of magic).”

Laura: Good choices. Jason says,

“I’d have to say Fred and George (completely unpredictable, which makes them perfect), Kingsley Shacklebolt, Luna Lovegood (who is a totally dedicated friend and would be surprisingly laser-focused), Professor McGonagall,” and also Jason adds, “Snape, but I would assume that he needs to maintain his cover,” so that might be a tricky role for him to play.

Eric: “My Lord, I have something to do tonight between the hours of seven and nine.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: “Don’t ask me again in two years, and I’ll tell you what’s going on.”

Micah: Can I just call out to ZN in the Discord says, “Dobby bringing that dirty sock.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: That’s what Dobby brings to the whole ensemble.

Andrew: Leah’s team would be,

“Viktor Krum, Charlie Weasley, Oliver Wood – three super attractive and talented Quidditch players. It’s a flying mission, after all. Am I secretly hoping they’d fight over me in the process? Absolutely.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: And then she added,

“Flitwick and McGonagall, arguably the two most talented and nurturing professors. I can count on them to care about my well-being and I can definitely count on their defensive wandwork, as evidenced by the Battle of Hogwarts.”

Eric: Nice. The Quidditch thing is amazing. It is a flying mission, of course. Rachel S. says,

“I’d have Sir Cadogan cause a crazy diversion. Then the four I’d travel with would be Mad-Eye, McGonagall, Lupin, and Kingsley.”

Awesome.

Micah: Stephanie says,

“I would choose Lupin, for his magical prowess. Hermione, because she’s the smartest person in the series. Charlie Weasley, because dragons! Grawp for his physical dominance. And Kreacher, after Sirius commands him to protect Harry at all costs.”

Laura: Oooh.

Eric: Love to see Grawp on a broom.

Laura: I was just thinking that. How does Grawp become airborne?

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: A bigger broom.

Katie: Also, does Charlie get to ride a dragon during this rescue mission?

Eric: Ohh!

Laura: That would be cool. Grawp could ride on the dragon.

Eric: Everyone would see that. The whole country would see that.

Laura: Yeah, but what if you got an invisible dragon? Aren’t there some dragons that can make themselves invisible? There has to be.

Katie: Just disillusion the dragon. It’s fine.

Eric: Yeah, that’s fine.

Laura: Eleanor says,

“I’m going for the people who we know sacrificed themselves for or choose Harry over themselves in some way: Dobby, Hagrid, Snape, Ron, Draco, who didn’t give Harry up to Bellatrix,” in Book 7. So that’s an interesting choice.

Eric: I love how much thought people are putting in.

Laura: I love the thought behind it.

Katie: And Michael W. says,

“Viktor Krum because he’s a boss. Sirius because he’d distract and enrage the Death Eaters. Dobby, super underrated in a pinch. And Dumbledore, because he obviously doesn’t have anything better to do. And Mad-Eye because duh.”

Eric: [laughs] So glad they mentioned Dumbledore not having anything better to do.


Where’s Dumbledore?


Micah: Well, speaking of Dumbledore, where’s he at?

Andrew: Where you at? So I think he’s sitting at the 12 Grimmauld Place command center waiting to watch the extraction take place. Imagine that photo of Obama in the situation room waiting for SEAL Team Six to take down Osama? That’s the scene going on in the situation room at 12 Grimmauld Place.

Micah: I like that a lot.

Eric: Oh, I’m picturing that scene in The Santa Clause where the elves have the sleigh tracked on a pin board with LED lights, and they’re tracking it.

Andrew: And Hillary Clinton in that photo is Professor McGonagall.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: Okay, I think it works.

Micah: We got the AI on that.

Eric: My answer for where Dumbledore is is that he’s the one who shot up the sparks! There were red, then there were green; someone far off in the distance that tells them the coast is clear shoots off sparks. It’s probably the Rear Guard, if we’re being honest. And I said that Dumbledore stayed behind and probably shot off purple, yellow, pink sparks, too, but that was for a nearby Pride Parade. It is summertime, after all.

Micah: I think Dumbledore is just hiding out in the bushes of Privet Drive drinking it all in.

Katie: Are these the same hedges that Harry was hiding in at the start of the book?

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Exactly.

Katie: Perfect.

Micah: But he doesn’t hit his head on the window.

Eric: Dumbledore is trying to really get in Harry’s head and see what he sees and feel how he feels, so he thought he’d lay in the bushes too.

Laura: He’s just so messy. Well, here’s what I think: So I know a couple weeks ago, I said that I thought Dumbledore was chillin’ on a yacht in the Bahamas, and I think he’s back from that trip now. I think he’s just maxin’ and relaxin’ in the prefects’ bathroom in that giant pool-sized bathtub, and the reason for that is because the Howler that he sends to Petunia creates this horrible echoing that Harry references in this chapter, so I’m imagining that he was just there chilling in the tub, and was like, “Well, I should probably just go ahead and send this.”

[Katie and Micah laugh]

Eric: Amazing.

Katie: You’ve got to hope Dumbledore’s got his own nice bathroom, though, somewhere in the castle.

Micah: Yeah, he’s got a bidet. We established this.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Katie: My headcanon is that once Dumbledore got wind of Tonks’s idea for this All-England Best-Kept Suburban Lawn competition, he actually organized it and put on the thing, and so where was he? He was hosting the award ceremony and handing out awards.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Ah, that’s so good.

Laura: That is incredible.

Eric: It’s such a good one.

Micah: Love it.

Andrew: The AI art on that too.

Katie: [laughs] And then I actually had a second one too of maybe he was doing this because he was distracting himself from the fact that in the last chapter, Harry didn’t recognize his voice, and in this chapter, Harry didn’t recognize his handwriting, and he’s just feeling alone and neglected, so he has to distract himself with some beautiful suburban lawns.

Micah: All very good answers. Katie, I like yours the best.

Laura: Same.

Eric: Me too.

Andrew: Me three.


MVP of the Week


Micah: Well, we’ve mentioned before that we’re not doing MVP of the Week anymore; we’re replacing it, and this week, I figured we would – sticking with the Advance Guard theme – go with the most trustworthy member of the Advance Guard based on their initial intros.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: I’m going to give it to Lupin because he already has a well-established relationship with Harry, and Lupin puts him at ease about Moody, which is, I think, really critical here.

Eric: I’m going to say the most trustworthy member is Moody because he can see 360 degrees, and there’s no way he could be a secret Death Eater twice!

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: 360 when his eye is clean.

Eric: True.

Micah: I’m going to give it to Kingsley; I really liked his introduction. Very cool, calm, collected character, and future Minister for Magic.

Laura: I’m going to give it to Tonks. I think she’s the most relatable of all these characters to Harry at this point, and I think she plays a really big role in getting Harry to calm down a little bit.

Katie: I can’t really believe that Harry trusts any of these people, as I said earlier…

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Katie: … but if I had to give it to somebody, I’ll give it to Dedalus Diggle because he is another familiar face, and if you can say anything, he has been a consistent character, I think, so another moment of familiarity for Harry.

Micah: Very cheerful individual.

Andrew: Bonus question for everybody this week, because…

Micah: Oh.

Andrew: What?

Micah: No, it was a bonus question. I’m thrown off my game.

Andrew: Oh. Yeah, surprise! There’s more to come. We have one more thing. So in this chapter, Moody says, “Don’t put your wand in your back pocket; I know people whose butts have been blown off.”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: So I was wondering who’s most likely to blow their butt off due to improper wand storage? It doesn’t have to be anybody in this chapter specifically, just who? I don’t have an answer for this, so I just wanted to know what y’all think.

Eric: Wow, wow. Neville. It’s Neville. I’m sorry. It’s Neville.

Katie: No way, Seamus Finnigan for sure.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Well, blowing stuff up, yeah, sure, sure.

Micah: Part of me thinks Moody is talking from experience, but I’m going to go with Mundungus Fletcher.

Laura: Okay. I like the idea that Moody is speaking from experience here and trying to project so that nobody knows it’s him.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I’m going to say Ron, honestly. I could totally see Ron doing this. Ron can be kind of sloppy about the way that he takes care of things, and yeah, I could see this happening to him.

Micah: And to the point about Moody, HallowWolf is bringing up in the Discord that Moody is missing a leg.

[Katie laughs]

Andrew: There you go. That explains a lot.

Eric: Oh my God.

Laura: But he’s not missing a full leg.

Andrew: Right, but I mean, if it’s in the back pocket, maybe it was pointing at the bottom half of the leg. The overarching point can be you might lose your butt or you might lose something else on you. Well, listeners, if you have any feedback about who’s most likely to blow their butt off…

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: … or you have any other feedback about today’s discussion…

Eric: That can be our recurring segment this whole book.

Andrew: “Who blew their butt off this week?”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: You can email or send a voice memo that’s recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE; that’s 1-920-368-4453. And next week, we will discuss Order of the Phoenix Chapter 4, “Number 12 Grimmauld Place,” because it was a successful mission. It was a great plan.

Eric: Good point.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question: In Scotland, the peck was used as a dry measure until the introduction of imperial units as a result of the Weights and Measures Act of what year? What year was the Weights and Measures Act passed in Scotland that discontinued a peck? The answer was 1824. Sorry for all those who didn’t get it right. 12% of correct answers said that they did not look it up, and last week’s…

Laura: Hmm.

Eric: Yeah, it’s pretty good. It’s 2 out of 18 people. But yeah, last week’s winners: All Snapes and Sizes; Angst Angst Angst Wizard Angst; Anthony; Benny; Buff Daddy; The self-quizzing book lover Elizabeth K.; Goats4Life; Joyoti; Kennahdawn; More OWLs than Hermione and Percy combined; Robbie; Sansitha; SassyRavenclaw43; The Dead Hogwarts Security Inspector; The glass of water that Mad-Eye washed his eye in and had left on the Dursleys’ counter that Aunt Petunia drank when she got home… oh no.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: The Scots pint and the Scots gallon were both around three times the volume of their English equivalents, Hagrid-sized drink; eh, eh? And finally, Issy, who’s only been to Scotland once to see the Eras Tour. Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: What well-kept lawn in London has been home to a zebra, an elephant, and a helicopter landing pad? And for Brits, that’s zeh-bra, not zebra. Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or if you’re on the website, doing whatever it is you do on our website, click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: Katie, thanks so much for joining us today. It was great having you on.

Katie: Yeah, great to be here. Super fun to join you guys. Thanks again for having me.

Andrew: I’ll be thinking about Dumbledore judging the All-England Best-Kept Suburban Lawn Competition for a while.

Eric: Oh, that’s going to be so good.

Andrew: Maybe that’ll be my Halloween costume this year.

[Andrew and Katie laugh]

Laura: Love that.

Andrew: This show is brought to you by Muggles like Katie. We are an independent podcast. In fact, we’re as independent as Harry was lonely in the first couple of chapters of this book, so your financial support is of the utmost importance. In fact, listener support is the only reason we’ve been able to podcast for 19 years and counting. There are two great ways to help us out: If you’re an Apple Podcasts user, you can subscribe to MuggleCast Gold, which gets you instant access to ad-free and early releases of MuggleCast, plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month. Recent bonus MuggleCast installments have included discussions on the casting calls for the new Harry Potter trio and our first thoughts on the new Quidditch video game. And then for even more benefits, like our awesome new Lynx Line perk – and this is the best way to help us out – you can go to Patreon.com/MuggleCast. You can cohost the show one day, like Katie did today; you get yearly stickers; you get another physical gift every year; you get a video message from one of the four of us made just for you; you also get access to our private Facebook and Discord groups, where you can hang out with us and fellow Harry Potter fans. So thank you. No matter how you support us, we really appreciate it. We could not do this without you. And speaking of support, if you enjoy the show and think other Muggles would too, tell a friend about us, and help us spread the word by leaving a five star review in your favorite podcast app. That does it for this week’s episode. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Katie: And I’m Katie.

Andrew: Bye, everybody.

Laura: Bye, y’all.

Eric and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #676

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #676, Big Fudge is Watching (OOTP Chapter 2, A Peck of Owls)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the Wizarding World fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: And I’m Micah.

Andrew: And we are joined once again by Meg! Hi, Meg. welcome back to MuggleCast.

Meg Scott: Hi! It’s wonderful to be back on.

Andrew: Always excited to have you on, so welcome back, and looking forward to getting all of your wonderful insights. What’s your favorite book in the Harry Potter series, Meg?

Meg: My favorite is Goblet of Fire, and it’s also my favorite movie, which I know is kind of controversial.

Andrew: Interesting.

Meg: But it’s just… it’s the one that I enjoy watching the most.

Andrew: Okay, okay. Fair enough.

Meg: In fact, I’d say Order of the Phoenix is my least favorite book in the series.

Andrew: [gasps] Don’t you dare insult her while she’s in the room!

Meg: I know, I know.

Eric: Listen, I know that you two are in a relationship, Andrew. I’ve seen the TikTok, okay?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: You’re so close with that huge hardcover book.

Andrew: I love this baby. I love Order of the Phoenix.

Meg: It does have a lot of really good points; it’s just a lot of it is just depressing.

Andrew: Well, on today’s episode, we will be discussing Chapter 2 of Order of the Phoenix, “A Peck of Owls.” We are currently going Chapter by Chapter through the Harry Potter books every week here on MuggleCast, so make sure you are subscribed to the show for free in your favorite podcast app. And also, we are releasing full video episodes on YouTube, YouTube.com/@MuggleCast, or just search for “MuggleCast” on YouTube. And don’t forget to follow us in your favorite social media apps; just again, search for “MuggleCast.” Before we get into Chapter by Chapter, we do want to note that this episode was recorded before Maggie Smith, who played Professor McGonagall, passed this last Friday, so we will pay tribute to her on next week’s episode of MuggleCast.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: Well, let’s jump right into it today. We’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 2, “A Peck of Owls.”

Eric: That’s right, but first, let’s warm up our old Time-Turner! And by old, I mean new; we just got this thing last week.

Andrew: So this is our new segment on MuggleCast where we look back at the last time we discussed Order of the Phoenix on the show, so here we go.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 228.

Andrew: The Dementor had affected Dudley, so Harry carries Dudley back to Privet Drive, and while on their way, Harry asks Figg why she hadn’t told him she’s a Squib!

Eric: God, everybody’s keeping…

Andrew: “Dumbledore’s orders,” says Mrs. Figg. Uh-oh! Harry continues to…

Micah: That bastard.

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Andrew: … feel left out of the loop.

Eric: Dumbledore’s orders.

Andrew: Pig for slaughter.

Eric: Seriously! This is not even keeping secrets about Voldemort from Harry, who is potentially compromised.

Andrew: Right, this is a simple thing.

Eric: This is preventing Harry from having any friends.

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 434.

Laura: True.

Andrew: Exactly.

Eric: So you pretty much have Tonks, Emmeline Vance, and Dung are the three that he doesn’t currently know.

Andrew: And Mr. Tibbles.

Eric: And Mr… well, that’s the thing, is Figg has a legion of Kneazles that we are not…

Andrew: [laughs] A legion.

Eric: A whole army of Kneazles that we are not taking into account.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Maybe they do guard duty.

[Whooshing sound]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

[Micah laughs]

Eric: The Dumbledore dislike goes back way far.

Andrew: Also, a good reminder of how audio quality has improved on MuggleCast.

Eric: Basically, this segment is an ad to go listen to less quality past MuggleCasts so that you can really appreciate the current thing we got going.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Andrew: Before we get into the nitty gritty of today’s episode, I just want to say I think this is an amazing chapter. It is chaotic. It is fast-paced. It is funny. It’s a seesaw of emotions for the reader and Harry, and the magic and the non-magical worlds are colliding as Harry and the Dursleys unpack what has happened. I was just reminded, reading this chapter again, how good it is.

Eric: I’m going to agree with you, honestly! I’m still a little woozy from Harry’s behavior in the previous chapter, but I’ll be darned if rereading this this past week, I didn’t be like, “Well, wow.” This is actually… there’s a lot that happens. It’s fun, it’s exciting, and you don’t know what’s going to happen next.

Micah: I agree; it’s a chapter of revelations. Figg being a Dumbledore informant is immediately one-upped by Petunia’s familiarity with and connection to the wizarding world, which nobody saw coming.

Eric: You’re right. There’s this huge reveal that’s five years in the making with the whole Mrs. Figg thing because she’s mentioned in Book 1, and then there’s this even bigger one of Harry’s aunt.

Meg: Yeah, Harry even has this thought during the chapter where he’s like, “It was so weird to see the pristine kitchen and to have all this information hitting him at once like the two worlds were colliding,” and I do remember feeling that when I was reading this chapter for the first time, and rereading it the other day, being just… you don’t see these worlds collide that often, and when they do, it’s in a chapter like this, where a lot is happening, and it really is a headache of a chapter. Rereading it, you’re learning so much; some things are getting answered, but more questions are coming up. And also, Harry is slugging Dudley around, and then Dudley throws up, and then Harry has a headache, and then Vernon’s vein is throbbing in his temple, and it’s the hottest day of the year…

[Andrew laughs]

Meg: There’s a lot of discomfort in this chapter, I think.

Eric: Well, apparently somebody else who’s uncomfortable is, in fact, Dumbledore. Here’s a quote from Mrs. Figg:

“‘Keep your wand out,’ she told Harry as they entered Wisteria Walk. ‘Never mind the Statute of Secrecy now, there’s going to be hell to pay anyway, we may as well be hanged for a dragon as an egg. Talk about the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery… This is exactly what Dumbledore was afraid of.'”

So here’s a question: Does Mrs. Figg mean that Dumbledore suspected that Harry would be attacked on Privet Drive? Or does she mean that someone from the Ministry would attempt to contrive means by which Harry’s attendance at Hogwarts and his credibility were conveniently placed into question before the start of term? What do we think?

Micah: Yes. [laughs]

Eric: Great. Okay, main discussion one is done. We’re going on.

Micah: Moving on.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: I interpreted this as Dumbledore anticipating a situation where Harry would need to use magic, and that the Ministry would use that as an opportunity to pounce, and that’s exactly what happened.

Eric: Yes.

Meg: I wonder if Dumbledore also, maybe just knowing Harry, knowing that Harry would be frustrated at being kept out of the loop, would… even without the threat of a Dementor coming along, if something else would cause Harry to perform magic, just out of frustration, like the way that Aunt Marge was blown up just by Harry’s emotions. I wonder if Dumbledore is sitting in his office thinking, “You know, maybe what I’m doing here isn’t the best idea.” It’s really just turning Harry into a ticking time bomb for something explosively magical to happen.

Andrew: Yeah, he’s on edge. He’s in the dark. The events of Goblet of Fire just happened. We even saw last chapter that Harry did get a little angry at Vernon and pushed him away without trying to. At least, that was my read on that sentence.

Eric: Yeah, if Dumbledore is thinking about this in his office, it’s got to be his office in Ibiza, because I don’t think he cares.

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Oh, he’s not back yet.

Eric: Yeah, he’s not pondering hurting Harry’s feelings, because you would think he would just be better at guarding against it. Or giving Harry a friend, some way to keep him… because you don’t need to tell him everything to show him some level of companionship. Harry, I think, at his root just feels abused and neglected, which of course, he’s always been, but this year, more than ever, it’s even more true.

Micah: And let’s not forget that Voldemort is back at this point, too, so certainly that’s running in the back of Dumbledore’s mind. We were talking about, “Could something happen that could spur Harry into action?” Certainly something that Voldemort contrives and tries to do. That’s a possibility here as well.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, definitely. He doesn’t know where to look, and when you’re that paranoid, even when he finds out that he’s been watched, it’s almost worse because nobody made contact, treated him like an equal. Essentially, this is a book where Harry is definitely old enough to be treated like an adult, and I know that argument comes up later in the book, but he’s not. So my real question is… of course, we found them at a bad time. Their protection is only as strong as its weakest link. Weak link, meet Mundungus Fletcher. And my big question is: It obviously had to come down to Dung at this moment, but could Dumbledore have invested in more manpower to Harry’s protection? Or even eyes at the Ministry that could have circumvented? Dumbledore actually has to do a lot of running around at the end of this chapter, we hear about, so could Dumbledore have been better prepared for this, I think?

Andrew: The more eyes at the Ministry idea, I think, makes more sense to me than maybe more manpower on Privet Drive. Just thinking it’s easier to hide one person than several people at Privet Drive. And with Figg and Mrs. Tibbles… Miss Tibbles… whatever the cat’s name is.

Eric: Mr. Tibbles.

Andrew: Mr. Tibbles! Excuse me.

Eric: How far you’ve forgotten your favorite Kneazle.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: You got Tibbles, you got Figg, you got a rotating selection of Order members… that sounds like enough to me, and it’s a nice way to stay out of the way while having a couple of pairs of eyes at the scene.

Micah: And Dumbledore does have informants at the Ministry. He has Kingsley; he has Arthur. But he sent the riffraff, the dregs of the coffee, to look after Harry in Mundungus…

[Eric laughs]

Micah: … and sorry, Mrs. Figg. Mrs. Figg, as we talked about in the last episode, can’t do anything worth a damn to protect Harry, and Dung is so unreliable that why would you put him in this situation? And I think that it’s Dumbledore’s planning that leads to this situation in the first place. So it’s a bit ironic; Dung Disapparating sets a sequence of events in motion that ultimately results in Harry versus the Dementors, and as we mentioned in last week’s episode, more reliable, more accomplished personnel certainly should have been put into place. I think we can all agree on that.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Meg: It’s funny because in the previous chapter, when Harry hears the crack, he’s imagining… he’s like, “That sounded like Dobby,” and at one point he turns around to be like, “Is Dobby here right now?” And I was reading that, and I was like, “I wish Dobby were here right now.”

Micah: I know. Harry needs a hug.

Andrew: Aww.

Meg: Harry needs a hug. Harry needs a little friend to be there, being like, “It’s going to be okay, Harry Potter.” And what do the house-elves at Hogwarts do during the summer? Dobby would probably…

Eric: Extra cleanings.

Andrew: Deep clean the school.

Eric: Yeah, I was going to say! They have it even worse.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: They’re not in Ibiza.

[Meg and Micah laugh]

Meg: No.

Eric: Unless they’re propping up Dumbledore’s feet.

Andrew: One element of the scene that really didn’t sit right with me is Figg getting Harry and Dudley back to Privet Drive, because Figg doesn’t really give Harry any suggestions for what to say to Vernon and Petunia. And I guess on one hand, she’s so frazzled by what happened, she’s not thinking straight, but I think this should have been part of a backup plan, too, just in case something did happen. What was going to be said to Vernon and Petunia?

Eric: This is a great point. Presumably, she knows Vernon and Petunia on a personal level, in the way that adult neighbors do. They know her well enough to know that Harry would have a sufficiently miserable time staying with her, which is why she got to babysit him all the… when he was younger. So they clearly know each other socially enough for Figg to have some advice, so I love this idea that there could be advice.

Andrew: Well, and to extend that point further, if Figg said, “Hey, Vernon, Petunia. Dudley,” I don’t know, “tripped and fell” or something like that, made up some excuse…

Eric: [laughs] “He fell down some stairs.”

Andrew: Yeah, they would be more inclined to believe her than Harry, because she is a trusted adult neighbor.

Eric: Well, so we keep talking about how Figg can’t do anything because she doesn’t have magic – she couldn’t fend off the Dementors, she definitely can’t lift Dudley – but she could actually give him that social backup that he needs by staying with him.

Micah: True.

Meg: Counterpoint: Mrs. Figg has met the Dursleys so many times that she hates them, and she’s like, “I’m not going to talk to them.”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Meg: “This was not in my job description.”

Andrew: Or they don’t trust her anymore because they think she’s wacky.

Eric: It might be… there is a question about how the Dementors… the timing of this all, because I think it really is when Harry leaves Privet Drive – he’s over on Wisteria Walk – when the Dementors come. Maybe the Dementors were out there all day in the sweltering heat, and they could only find Harry…

[Micah laughs]

Meg: Chain-smoking?

Eric: Well, because otherwise it’s a huge coincidence, right? That they descend the second he’s in a compromised position.

Micah: I’m glad you brought that up, though, because talking about watching Harry, I was curious: Did Umbridge know that Dung Disapparated and used that as her opportunity, knowing that his security was no longer in place? Presumably, she would have had to have some kind of tabs on Harry to be able to send the Dementors, and I don’t remember if this comes up later on in the book, but otherwise it’s just open to chance.

Eric: Yeah. I mean, that’s why I think maybe she sent them a few hours ago, not this exact moment, because otherwise she has eyes on Privet… you’re not supposed to be able to have ill will toward Harry and be able to see what he’s doing on Privet Drive when he’s on Privet Drive. That’s the whole purpose of Lily’s protection, so it’s a bit interesting. But Figg, the one successful thing she does do – besides satisfactorily threaten Mundungus Fletcher’s life and to maim him – is to actually just get Harry back onto Privet Drive where he’s safer. I think that’s the part of it that he would have maybe faltered at, because he’s so overwhelmed right now that just having her to talk with him… I know she’s not lifting the boy or helping much, but that motivation is really important to get Harry back onto Privet Drive where he’s safe, because I think that might have been where the security failed here.

Meg: Yeah, she kind of brings him back to the real world, and if she hadn’t shown up, Harry might have run off with his wand to find more Dementors and ended up in more trouble.

Eric: So we do make it back to the Dursleys – thanks, Figg, for next to nothing – but we’re not alone. After it comes to the open what has happened, something’s happened to Dudley, we begin to get a series… I said a “kerfluffle” of owls. I wanted to say “peck,” but that’s been taken.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: And one we don’t know who it’s from? So if this was Dumbledore’s worst fear, if Dumbledore suspected that the Ministry of Magic would expel Harry from Hogwarts and come straight for his wand, he was right. And I’m just shocked because the very first letter Harry receives is, in fact, “You’ve been expelled from Hogwarts, and we’re going to snap your wand.”

Andrew: And for the reader – and Harry – the first time you’re reading this, this is shocking. I think I still remember the feeling of seeing this letter come in, like, “Whoa, that happened so quick. This is unbelievable. It’s all over.” Harry is experiencing that exact same feeling, and they do cite the severity of the breach as the reason for taking the wand. And I guess using a Patronus in the Muggle world is what’s so severe about this?

Eric: Doing magic in front of a Muggle? Not just in a Muggle area, but in front of a Muggle?

Meg: But it’s a Muggle that knows magic exists.

Andrew: That’s a good point.

Eric: Okay, say more.

Meg: That should be something taken into consideration there.

Andrew: And they also note that this wasn’t the first time he did magic outside of school, so they do have a couple of valid reasons for punishing him somehow.

Micah: However…

Andrew: However what? Dementors? [laughs]

Micah: No. Well, first I was going to say it’s also a defensive magic, which is important. He wasn’t just attacking somebody; he was defending himself. You’d think that that would come into play here, but obviously it doesn’t. But you mentioned he got… it was referenced that he had done magic before, but let’s not forget back in Book 3, “We don’t send wizards to Azkaban for blowing up their aunts!”

[Eric laughs]

Micah: I mean, he was completely absolved of any responsibility there, so it’s almost like they’re cherry picking here a bit.

Eric: Almost.

Micah: And the decision-making is coming directly from Fudge, right? We can pretty much agree on that? And the punishment doesn’t fit the crime, not even close.

Meg: I think Harry could have done the most wholesome, altruistic spell that exists; there could be a spell that a wizard can only use that spell if it’s to save someone’s life, and even if Harry had used that spell, that letter would have been ready to go. They were just… they’re so anti-Harry in this book that they’re ready to send it out at the drop of a hat, without even, like, “Well, it’s in front of his cousin, who knows about magic.” They’re like, “Don’t care. Doesn’t matter.” I also thought it was just so funny and bureaucratic how the end of this letter is “Hoping you are well,” when it’s this terrible, “You’re being expelled, we’re going to destroy your wand, you have committed a horrible breach of magic… but we hope you’re having a great summer.”

Andrew: [laughs] It almost implies to me that this is a canned template that they have ready to send out at any time.

Eric: Sure.

Andrew: Because we all have our pre-written email signatures. “Best. Thanks. Have a nice day. Sincerely.”

Micah: “Cheers.”

Meg: Yeah, that’s just how Mafalda Hopkirk signs off.

Andrew: “Hoping you are well.”

Eric: I’ve been manually typing mine this whole time!

[Andrew and Meg laugh]

Eric: How do I set that up? You gotta help me.

Andrew: Mine’s “Thanks for listening, I’m Andrew.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: That should be mine, actually.

Micah: “Choo-choo.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Oh my God. Well, I think the point, too, that these Muggles know about magic should be an exception to the Statue of Secrecy, because the bottom line is he’s their family, and they know what he is, and so you almost can’t punish him for this.

Micah: The fact that he’s Harry Potter should be an exception to the rule. [laughs]

Eric: Well… yeah, but this year it’s not. Maybe in year three.

Andrew: One point I wanted to bring up was about Arthur’s quick letter to Harry. He said, “Do not surrender your wand.” And this was making me wonder, does Harry have a right…? Do wizards have a right to continue possessing their wand, unless they want to surrender it? And what happens if they don’t surrender it?

Eric: Yeah, if they do have a right to keep their wand, nobody told Hagrid. His got snapped.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Although he does still have it. But yeah, it’s a bit interesting there. But I think that when you’re a student at Hogwarts, your wand is like your license to do magic. It’s your binding thing, and so they snap it because you’re not fit to do magic by… you never got your magical GED, your permit, I guess, to use it.

Micah: I could only imagine Ministry officials showing up at Number Four Privet Drive after everything that’s happened. We thought Vernon’s vein was bulging in his head earlier in the chapter?

Andrew: [laughs] Right.

Micah: Because he also… doesn’t he make a comment in this chapter, too, about “Oh, your lot are in government? This explains so much.”

Andrew and Meg: Yeah.

Eric: Pretty fun dig, honestly. But yeah, if government wizards showed up – presumably again, because they probably helped Dudley last year – he’d lose it.

Meg: Well, he’d be having an aneurysm because he’d be hating it, but then they’d be taking Harry’s wand away, and he’d be like, “Oh, actually, this is pretty good.”

Andrew: [laughs] He would be torn about the situation.

Eric: He wouldn’t know whether to be happy or…

Meg: Until Harry says, “Actually, Mr. Weasley said not to surrender my wand,” and they say, “Oh, okay, never mind,” and then everybody leaves.

Eric: Well, it’s a rare streak of rebellion.

Andrew: And that’s the thing, would they duel at the Dursleys’ house then until they got Harry’s wand away from him?

Meg: Right.

Eric: How would that…?

Andrew: Of course, Vernon would hate that.

Eric: Yeah, it’s so interesting that Arthur is like, “Don’t let them take your wand.” And he’s basically saying, like, “Don’t go quietly.”

Meg: Yeah, yeah.

Eric: And it’s such an interesting… I mean, the priority is probably… the priority is “Don’t let them get your wand.” The assumption is ideally a nonviolent method of doing that would be better; evade them instead of cast a spell. But ultimately, once they snap your wand, it’s over. Like, yeah, other wands can be yours, they can choose you, too, but there’s no going back, especially from Harry’s wand in particular.

Meg: Well, unless you’re Dumbledore and you have the Elder Wand. You can just Reparo that right there.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, that’s true.

Micah: Harry’s has kind of already served its purpose last year.

Eric: Last year? Well, it needs to again!

Micah: So time for a new one.

Eric: It needs to again. Yeah, I was going to say, I guess knowing what we know now, you could probably use… Dumbledore could just fix Harry’s wand for him, even if they had to collect it off a scrapyard or something in the magical world. So here are the succession of letters. You do get the letter saying you’re expelled. He does get the letter saying he’s expelled. The second one’s from Arthur saying, actually, that Dumbledore has arrived at the Ministry, so his vacation is cut short, unfortunately. “Sorry, bartender of JJ’s in Ibiza. Gotta go.” And the Ministry actually reverses course, sends him his third letter; this one says, “You’re not expelled. And by the way, that thing about your wand, it’s pending a hearing.” This is what the first letter should have been. This is very reasonable. It’s like, “Listen, you’re in trouble, kiddo. You have to come to court.” That alone is terrifying.

Micah: I just imagine Fudge sitting there, as soon as it happens, “Hit send, hit send, hit send!”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Maybe he already sent it a couple hours ago, and it just found Harry because he wandered off. I don’t know. You just don’t know. A letter…

Andrew: Has anyone here ever been in court, like as somebody who needs to be in court to defend…?

Micah: As a jury member.

Andrew: Oh, okay. I had to go to court to get a speeding ticket overturned.

Micah: Oooh.

Andrew: Yeah, that was scary, too. Not fun at all.

Eric: Well, and the worst part is even when a well-meaning judge is critiquing your wording or something. It’s like you can tell they want to help you out, but you’re still doing things wrong. It’s very stressful. I’ve had a few tickets myself. [laughs]

Andrew: That literally happened to me. You’re doing the “Yes, Your Honor. No, Your Honor.” I said yes or no when I should have said the opposite, [laughs] and then he looked at me like, “You definitely meant yes.” Or no; I can’t remember. This happened over ten years ago.

Meg: And then he snapped your wand.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Oh, womp-womp. So did anyone think…? Because this is a lot of owls. They’re finding new and inventive places to show up from. For some reason, they’ve stopped going through the open window. I don’t remember Vernon shutting the window; they just start coming through the chimney instead, so I don’t get it. But did anyone think that it’d just be easier if wizards had cell phones? Because all these owls getting cross… get your group chat going. Have the Floo Network pop up.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Have some kind of conversation here. It’s 1997 or something.

Micah: Yeah, but then if it was just a text message, would Petunia or Vernon have received anything? Or would they have been witness to it in the same way? Probably not.

Eric: That’s a good point.

Micah: Unless because they’re Harry’s caretakers, right? Maybe they would have gotten something. But I also don’t see Vernon or Petunia as email/cell phone type of people. They’re very old school. I could see maybe a flip phone. [laughs]

Eric: I don’t know; Petunia’s got the push alerts on TMZ, for sure.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: I like the owls because I like how many there are in this chapter. I like how fast they arrive; that’s really impressive. It just makes it way more entertaining. And also, it really annoys Vernon, which is a lot of fun as well for us.

Micah: Agreed.

Meg: And it’s more of the juxtaposition against the pristine, clean kitchen to imagine feathers all over the place now.

Micah: And owl droppings, hopefully. So Andrew, a question, though: Do we think there’s some magic tied to how these owls are traveling? Because this information is coming pretty much in real time.

Andrew: It is a good question. Can they expedite the owls? Are these a special type of owl that can get a message out faster? It makes sense that the wizarding world would have this faster type of delivery to replace something like text messaging, like Eric is describing, so…

Eric: Well, don’t they…? In Hogsmeade, the owls… isn’t there different tiers for how fast you want? Like, the nicer looking owls get it in a day and a half, and then there’s lower…? I seem to remember incorrectly. There are different tiers of owls. But what’s interesting for me is the one addressed to Petunia, which we know is a Howler, is addressed the same way Harry’s Hogwarts letters are. It says “Petunia Dursley, The Kitchen, 4 Privet Drive.” Who’s watching her?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: How do they…? They’re not supposed to be able to look in the window and see where Harry is, let alone where Petunia, a Muggle, is. This is terrifying power.

Andrew: Well, right.

Micah: And what triggers that, though? That’s the other thing, is did Dumbledore have that Howler made years ago and was just waiting to send it at the right moment?

Eric: He has one for every room of the house that she’s in.

Andrew: I’m going to say you write the name on the envelope, and you write the address itself, and then there’s some magical line that fills itself in. It identifies where exactly this person is. There’s still that question: How do you figure out where a Muggle is? A wizard you might be able to more easily explain, but a Muggle like Petunia, how do you know she’s in the kitchen? It’s fascinating, and I think Petunia was fascinated too.

Meg: There’s got to be some magic there. Because actually, I looked into this a little bit – I did some research – and the top speed of the average owl is 40 miles per hour. And Surrey, where Harry and the Dursleys are, is about 25 miles from London, which is where the Ministry is and it’s where Grimmauld Place is, which is where Sirius and presumably Arthur, at the time, are. So based on that, unless the first owl was sent right after Harry did the Patronus Charm, like, if it was triggered by that, and then it just took half an hour, 45 minutes, to get there… yeah, maybe it was something like that, but then there’s the thing that Dumbledore’s comes right after Vernon is like, “All right, kid, you’re out of here. Get out,” and when Vernon and Petunia are first starting to think, “Yeah, okay, maybe we should get rid of our terrible nephew.” And it’s like, right then is when the Howler comes. So there just has to be some kind of magic there about just keeping tabs on what is happening right at that moment, who is standing where, who is in the kitchen at that time, because that’s how the letters to Harry are also, in Sorcerer’s Stone.

Andrew: Right.

Meg: It’s like, “The cupboard under the stairs,” and then I think…

Eric: “The smallest bedroom.” That’s a little bit of sass there.

Micah: Big Brother.

Meg: “The Hut on the Rock.” It might even have been, like, “The floor next to the couch of the Hut on the Rock.”

Eric: Yeah, yeah. Meg, when you were talking about the speed of owls, I was like, “And these aren’t even unladen owls!”

Meg: Yeah, no!

Eric: These are very much laden.

Meg: Laden or unladen? African or European?

Andrew: Nice research, Meg. Sam is also wondering, “Maybe it’s a relay of owls.” I guess that could make sense.

Eric: Oh, they… I’d love to see… I’m thinking of a foot relay in the race where they have batons, but of owls, and they toss the letter.

Meg: The owls passing it along to the next one.

Eric: No, it is satisfying, because it is fast paced. As soon as you begin to worry that Harry is going to get kicked out, you then have Petunia saying, “No, he needs to stay.” All right, well, we’re going to talk a little bit more about Harry’s aunt in a few moments, but first, let’s hear a word from our sponsors.

[Ad break]

Eric: Welcome back. Okay, let’s talk about Petunia Dursley, who knows a lot more, it turns out, than she was letting on. So Harry is kind of bemused. He is struggling to defend himself, make sure the Dursleys know it wasn’t him; it sure looks like it was him. But ultimately, he’s very patient during the whole owl debacle. He’s able to just… he has no other choice but to sit there and… because every letter is telling him to sit there. But he’s, I think, a little comforted knowing that people are taking care of him, and something really strange is going on, ultimately. But the shock comes when Petunia recognizes… well, first, even before Dumbledore’s letter, she realizes what Dementors are, and this is unbelievable. He’s trying to defend himself. He’s like, “It wasn’t me; there’s these Dementors.” And Petunia kind of defends it. I mean, she at least knows, and it’s probably not a fact that you forget what they are if you overhear them. But this goes back years. This is literally… it’s literally said the only other time Aunt Petunia has ever spoken about Lily in front of Harry is that one time in front of Hagrid at the Hut on the Rock when she called her a freak, so this idea that she would have been overhearing conversations or literally betray any knowledge of the wizarding… I think Petunia even surprises herself here.

Micah: It’s also validation of Harry’s story in this moment, the fact that she knows what it is he’s talking about, and I think that goes a long way with Vernon because Vernon otherwise probably would just assume that Harry is making up a bunch of stuff here. And I also think this is just a reminder that Harry is a child still. We know he’s a teenage boy, but both him and us as the reader don’t know everything, and this whole chapter has that theme running through it, going back to when we were talking about what we enjoyed so much about the chapter earlier. Yeah, the revelation of Figg and then the revelation of Petunia. It reminds me of when you’re a kid and you recognize that your parents or whomever know a lot more than you think they do.

Eric: [laughs] Right.

Micah: And this is one of those examples.

Andrew: But the interesting twist here, too, that is Harry had every reason to assume that Petunia really did not know anything about the wizarding world, or care.

Eric: Right.

Andrew: I mean, as is noted in this chapter, she has never acknowledged its existence. She has been firmly on Vernon’s side. And of course, there’s more to come with this storyline, but this is a big deal, seeing Petunia recognize what Harry is talking about, while Vernon is also coming up with six or seven different words for Dementors, like “Dementoids,” other things, which was funny.

Meg: “Dismembers.”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: “Dismembers,” yeah, yeah. But just Harry – we were using this word a lot last week – he’s so isolated, and he has actually, in a funny way, a partner in Petunia, because somebody’s believing and understanding what he has to say, not to mention when he brings up Voldemort in a little bit, too. Petunia recognizes that. So I just loved getting this ever so small hint that Petunia actually was curious about the wizarding world and was envious of Lily. And as was mentioned, Vernon seems surprised that Petunia remembers, too, and gets in lockstep with her by the end of the chapter, especially after the Howler comes in. I’ll read the quote from Petunia:

“‘Back?’ whispered Petunia. She was looking at Harry as she had never looked at him before… for the very first time in his life, Harry fully appreciated that Aunt Petunia was his mother’s sister… he was not the only person in the room who had an inkling of what Lord Voldemort being back might mean.”

Micah: And in this moment, too, we get the reference to “that awful boy” was the one who was telling Lily about Azkaban. Now, in this moment, we’re meant to think that it’s James. Who else could it possibly be? But in all likelihood, this is a reference to Snape.

Eric: Yeah, absolutely.

Meg: And that’s poignant for multiple reasons, and one of them is that when you’re first reading this book, before the later books came out, you’re imagining that it is James, in which case, Petunia heard James and Lily talking about this 15 years ago. But in discovering the truth later in Deathly Hallows that it was Snape, and that she overheard this when they were young children, that really shows that this has been in Petunia’s head for a lot longer than you would think. And when you think about the things that you remember from when you were 10 years old, it is the things that are the most groundbreaking and earth-shattering that are… those are the specific things that you’re going to remember from that time when you were that age, is when it’s something that has made an emotional impact on you, and that’s what this did, enough for Petunia to remember these silly words “Dementors” and “Azkaban” all this time later.

Andrew and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: Especially because she wanted to go there herself. I think that’s probably why it sticks with her.

Eric: Well, yeah, she’s probably…

Micah: Not that she wants to go to Azkaban. I’m sorry. She wants to go to Hogwarts.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: No, no, yeah.

Andrew: We understood what you meant.

Micah: Maybe she wants to go to Azkaban. I don’t know.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: She’s probably holding on to every shred… she’s secretly caring about and trying to remember everything she ever heard about the wizarding world, because I’m sure it still bites, it still hurts her that she’s not a part of it, I think, easily. But it also… I feel sad for 10-, 11-, 12-year-old Severus Snape, whoever’s telling Lily about these Dementors guarding Azkaban, the wizard prison. Why does a 12-year-old concern himself with stuff like this? We know his home life was not great, and his subject matter always tended to the darker stuff. But it’s just kind of sad because if Petunia overheard it, it means it was something that young Snape was probably really fascinated about, and that’s just sad. You know who we probably don’t feel sad for? Vernon. He is a little out of his depth, though. It’s rarely been two against one and he’s the one, but in this case, he’s just out of his… he doesn’t have… he’s so unmoored. This reminds me of Book 1 when he’s trying to go easy on Petunia, but she’s clearly more involved than they both would want her to be.

Andrew and Meg: Yeah.

Meg: So frequently Vernon is the one making the rules and yelling at Harry while Petunia just kind of watches, but in this moment, her saying these things, it really… he hands it over to her because he doesn’t know what to say. That’s when he starts taking it all a little bit more seriously. He changes his tact. He stops yelling at Harry, and instead is like, “Okay, so tell me more about these Dementoids?”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Right.

Meg: And yeah, he really is unmoored. And it’s funny when he then kind of finds himself back on solid ground when he’s talking about the Dementors, and to Dudley, he’s like, “Ah, I see. You fought ’em off. You gave ’em the old one-two.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Harry has to be like, “Disclaimer, community note: You can’t give the Dementor the old one-two! It won’t work!”

[Meg laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, yeah.

Micah: I do think there’s something to be said, though, for Vernon’s ignorance. Even in this moment, it’s still coming through, the fact that he can’t call Dementors by their actual name. It’s not because he’s not smart enough, or that he’s mishearing what his wife or his nephew are saying; he’s just choosing not to, and that just shows his clear lack of respect for anything from this world.

Meg: And there’s even that funny thing where he’s like, “This Lord Voldy whatsit?” And Harry is like, “I can’t believe that wizards would scream in fear hearing that name and Vernon can just say it like it’s no problem, but he can’t handle the word ‘wand’ or ‘magic.'”

Andrew: Yeah. And on the point about Vernon getting in lockstep with Petunia after she gets this Howler, that point is punctuated by the fact that this chapter ends with Vernon saying, “You heard your aunt, now get to bed.”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: He just did a 180. He was ready to kick him out of the house. He had a whole great speech. “I’m done dealing with you and all this magic and these owls and all this crazy stuff you’ve brought onto my doorstep. Never darken my doorstep again,” he says.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: He just totally flips when Petunia gets this.

Eric: Well, he’s laying down the law, no matter what the law is. He’s just laying it down.

Andrew: I love that the chapter ends with him just flipping like that. Now, on this Howler that just simply says, “Remember my last, Petunia.”

Eric: So many problems with this.

Andrew: Well, first of all, I think Petunia is low-key excited to get something from the wizarding world.

Eric: “A letter! It’s my Hogwarts letter, you guys!”

Andrew: “Yeah, and it’s creepy, but it knows exactly where I am standing right now in the kitchen.”

[Micah laughs]

Meg: An owl brought it!

Eric: It’s a little exciting, yeah.

Andrew: I think she’s excited! It’s a chaotic scene, but I think she’s happy.

Micah: I think under any other circumstance, she would be very happy. [laughs] Not at this moment.

Andrew: Okay.

Micah: There’s too much other stuff going on. But I like your idea, Andrew.

Andrew: I’m excited for her, I’ll just put it that way. I’m excited for her to finally get her letter. [laughs]

Meg: I can imagine that maybe she’s thinking to herself, “God, I thought I’d be excited when this day came. Turns out I’m terrified.”

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: “This thing is screaming at me.”

Meg: “This day sucks.”

Micah: I think terrified is right, because perhaps deep down she knows what it is.

Andrew: Yeah. But Eric, you are not a fan of these words?

Eric: Yeah. I’m sure we’ve said it before: I think there’s a few very key errors here. It’s a weird thing for Dumbledore to say. The weirdest thing about this is it works. Petunia, who we don’t know has ever had a face-to-face conversation with Dumbledore in her life, recognizes Dumbledore’s voice and knows exactly what “Remember my last” means. Last what? Harry, who’s heard Dumbledore in all states of agitation, all states of humor and everything, knows Dumbledore intimately, even at this point when he’s only 15, knows Dumbledore’s voice like the back of his hand, and doesn’t recognize the voice. And I don’t get it, but it’s clearly…

Andrew: But all caps? Does he know all-caps Albus? [angrily] “REMEMBER MY LAST, PETUNIA.”

Eric: You know what? No, because in Goblet of Fire, he said it calmly. You’re right.

Meg: That’s right.

Eric: So Harry has never heard screaming Dumbledore. But why has Petunia? Why has Petunia? Last what? Last correspondence?

Andrew: Who else has spoken to her in the wizarding world? So she doesn’t have many people to run through in her magical Rolodex.

Eric: Right.

Andrew: I love how short this letter is, this note is. “Remember my last.” You said it, Eric: Last what? From a reader’s standpoint, it’s just incredible how short this is and what it’s alluding to. I love it.

Eric: Yeah. I mean, we do…

Meg: It’s very succinct.

Andrew: And the impact that it has on Petunia. Love it.

Eric: Brevity is the soul of wit. She’s terrified to get this, and she knows that it means she has to stop being a horrible human, which is great. It somehow achieves… in a chapter where we talked about all the things Dumbledore did that went kind of wrong for him, this is 100% success for Albus.

Micah: I don’t think she’s being a horrible human being here.

Eric: No, not here.

Micah: I don’t think Vernon is being a horrible human being here. We could talk about it, but…

Andrew: He’s not?

Micah: No.

Eric: If she had said he has to leave… she actually puts up and says, “Okay, the boy has to stay.” And this has been answered by the author; “Remember my last” means the last correspondence, presumably the letter that he left with Harry on the doorstep, and it may have laid out exactly how the magical protection is going to work, explaining that they need to give Harry a house or it’ll be awful. So that is the connection that she’s making in this moment.

Micah: The thing that I’m trying to… with the Dursleys, for all their faults, in this case, I really do believe that Vernon is trying to protect his family. And once he learns that Voldemort has returned, and he understands what that means, that directly puts his family in danger. The Dementors directly put Dudley in danger, and they were after Harry. And so what he’s looking at now is a situation where essentially, because of this protection, Dumbledore has indirectly put his family in danger by making this the safe haven for Harry. Now, Harry had already been there enough time for the summer. He could have gone to the Burrow; he could have gone anywhere else. And I don’t think that Dumbledore, honestly, is thinking enough about the Dursleys in this moment. And we don’t really see it come into play until Deathly Hallows, when they need to hightail it out of town to be safe. But they could have been put at risk, and were put at risk, much earlier, and so I don’t blame Vernon for what he says. I mean, he’s just looking to protect his wife and his son.

Eric: I guess that’s fair.

Meg: He saw a curse happen to Dudley, made him grow a tail. He saw his sister get blown up over the dining room table. And now, this has happened with the Dementors. And I honestly think that if Harry had not performed a Patronus Charm, if the Dementors had performed the Dementor’s Kiss on Dudley, I think even Petunia would be telling Harry to get out. Because I think there is a certain loyalty that Petunia feels to Lily to take care of her son… Andrew, you put in here, the doc, “We don’t know it now, but Petunia does love Harry and her sister.” And I think that, yeah, Petunia loved Lily, but I don’t think that Petunia loves Harry. I think that Petunia and Snape have a lot in common, both just having very isolated childhoods, wanting to have something they couldn’t have, and feeling this… owing it to Lily to take care of Harry because of their love for Lily, not out of any love for Harry. It’s like when Dumbledore says to Snape, “Oh, don’t tell me that you’ve started to care for the boy,” and Snape is like, “No, this is for Lily still!” I imagine that is what Petunia is thinking this whole time. She’s like, “I hate this kid, but I let my relationship with my sister fall apart because I was jealous of the life that she got to have doing magic.” So I think that the reason that this letter works, this “Remember my last, Petunia,” is because Petunia is like, “Yeah, I do owe it to my sister.” So I think she does love Lily, she did love Lily as her sister, but I think she loves Dudley more than she loved Lily, and so if Dudley had lost his soul that day, I think Petunia would have been saying, “Yeah, no, I’m done. Get out of here. I don’t care.”

Eric: In further support of the Dursleys. I can’t believe I’m saying this. But isn’t getting your soul sucked out through your nose one of the most horrible ways you can imagine dying? [laughs] I mean, the particular nature of what would have and almost did happen to Dudley is extra unsettling.

Andrew: Meg, I agree with you that Petunia definitely loves Lily more than Harry. I do have to still think, though, that Petunia does love Harry to some extent. That is still blood; that is still her sister’s son, so I think there has to be a little bit of love there. And then you put in the wizard element as well; I mean, he also has something that she’s always wanted as well, so she might maybe admire that about him. But I don’t know. I personally wouldn’t say that Petunia doesn’t love Harry at all, but I do also agree that at the end of the day, if Dudley were to have been kissed by the Dementor, she would have kicked Harry out because that is her son, and he died on Harry’s watch.

Meg: Yeah. I just think of all the aspects of abuse, the malnourishment, the locking him up for days at a time, and I’m like, “That can’t be love.” But then that really gets into a more serious discussion about other abusive parents in the real world, and can you abuse your children and love them at the same time? Which is just a whole other conversation, I think.

Andrew: And the Vernon factor, too, there.

Meg: And the Vernon factor.

Andrew: I mean, how does she juggle these two things? Lily versus Vernon.

Micah: I wonder, too, if in fact he did leave, would that have broken the protection? Is her giving him that directive and then him acting on it… does that fracture any protection that was in place? Could Harry not go back a year later and have that same protection from Petunia?

Meg: Probably. I think he could go back later, but it wouldn’t be there anymore, because I think Dumbledore even specifically says to Harry, “As long as you thought of Privet Drive as home, the protection is there.”

Andrew: Yeah, I think that’s right.

Micah: [laughs] I don’t think he ever did.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Well, it’s his home in spite of everything.

Andrew: But it was given to him as a home. It is offered to him as a home, yeah. So we got feedback from our listeners about this chapter, and we will get to some of that, but first we’re going to take a quick break. We will be right back.

[Ad break]


Lynx Line


Eric: Okay, and here is the question we asked on our Lynx Line: We’re talking about the wizarding world justice system, and asking what do you think could be improved upon better? So in Chapter 2, the Ministry of Magic expels Harry from Hogwarts and says a team has been dispatched to destroy his wand, all without a fair trial. Does that law serve anyone? Furthermore, the way in which Dumbledore fixes things makes a lot more sense. Hearing first, then decision to either expel and/or snap Harry’s wand. But what else are we forgetting? This is the same Ministry that will fail to seriously inquire about how Dementors ended up in Little Whinging, and nobody’s expecting Dementors to have been the reason for Harry’s underage magic. So what adjustments to the Restriction of Underage Sorcery, or what adjustments to the trace, should be revised or thrown out completely, and in what ways to create a more fair situation?

Andrew: So yeah, thank you to patrons who participated in the post at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. You can pledge at Patreon.com/MuggleCast to join in on the conversation each week. Here are some of the answers. This first one comes from Jenny:

“I think the wizarding world justice system is terrible. No one seems to get fair trials. Sirius was imprisoned for 12 years without a trial. Hagrid was taken to Azkaban in Book 2, just because the powers that be figured he was guilty. They seem to care nothing for evidence, testimonies, innocence, etc., and the only punishments seem to be broken wand or Azkaban, and nothing in between. That’s not justice.”

Sums it up really nicely. I mean, it is so unfair that Harry is going to have his wand broken and he’s expelled from Hogwarts, and he doesn’t even get a say in the situation. Now, Dumbledore does come to his aid, but that’s traumatizing to know your life could be flipped upside down so quickly by the government.

Eric: At least this time it’s because of something that he cast, and not something a house-elf cast in front of him.

Micah: All right, we heard from Nathan, who said,

“Breaking a wand is a major plot hole. Harry does magic, albeit simple, in both Sorcerer’s Stone and Prisoner of Azkaban without a wand, and there’s nonverbal spells. We also know that a broken wand still works, examples being Ron in Chamber of Secrets and Hagrid with his pink umbrella. What’s stopping Harry from going to Ollivanders and getting another wand?”

Eric: [laughs] I bet that…

Andrew: And you have to think Dumbledore would help him with that. He would call up Ollivander and be like, “Yo, my boy needs another wand.”

Eric: “Hey, Garrick…”

Andrew: “Those jerks at the Ministry broke his first one, and he didn’t deserve that.”

Meg: Yeah, we see characters like Ron and Neville get new wands. All right, Steph says, “This is what happens when Hogwarts students only learn Charms, Transfiguration, etc., and nothing about law, ethics, or basic critical thinking skills.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Oh, no! It’s endemic at this point. Nobody who’s studied government…

Andrew: How to protect yourself when the Ministry comes for you.

Eric: Not only that; nobody who’s making these laws actually studied law, so that’s why they’re coming up short. It’s awful. Eleanor writes,

“Where do I start… innocent until proven guilty and a process is what is needed. The trace should be able to tell, ideally, what spell was cast. An alternative would be Priori Incantatem, and there should be an investigation into the circumstances.”

Right, they could cast it on Harry’s wand.

“We know that the trace isn’t wand specific. It arguably should be, as an addition to allow for these follow-up enquiries.”

Yeah, I agree. Somewhere where I would start reforming this is all about “What was the intention behind,” and none of this “We’re just going to come snap your wand and complain about it later” business.

Andrew: You could almost see a form of magic with all these wands where the tip of the wand is not only where the spell comes out from, but there’s also a little camera in there, so you can see who they are shooting it at.

Eric: Ohh, a GoPro? Little wand GoPro?

Andrew: I could see that in a Fantastic Beasts movie when they’re trying to bend canon to make it work to their will. [laughs] Yeah, a little GoPro, exactly.

Eric: Yeah, they’ve done that a bunch.

Andrew: Right. Rachel said,

“We don’t know a ton about these laws. I think it’d be more appropriate to confiscate the wand and then destroy it after a hearing or punishment has been decided, because the charges may not warrant expulsion, and then the kid could get the wand back.”

Also, that would be very… I’m just talking myself now; it’d be very hurtful as a child to see your wand get broken in half. That was a big moment for you to get your wand, and then it gets snapped in half when you’ve only been at school for four or five years?

Meg: Being like, “That wand chose me.”

Eric: Yeah, aww. “But it chose me.” Oh, now my heart is broken.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It’s bad enough when the teacher takes your cell phone because you were on your cell phone, and she puts it in her desk and you can get it back right at the end of class. That’s hard enough, but to watch her stomp on the cell phone? Then you have to cry to your parents… it’s awful.

Andrew: Yeah. Rachel goes on,

“This has really gotten me to think about data privacy and government oversight. Not only do they know magic was done, they know the exact spell. Does that ability to trace magic really stop at 17, or do they just not follow it as closely? Could they still trace a person of interest? We don’t know. Maybe this is an extreme example, but I’m thinking about how outraged or afraid people would be if it came out that our data and actions online were being tracked by the government, and I feel like tracing magic is similar. I know it’s important to keep the magical world a secret, but I also don’t like the ‘Big Brother is watching’ vibe.”

Eric: That’s what happens with the taboo, isn’t it? In Book 7? When somebody says the word “Voldemort” and they immediately know who you are, where you are…

Andrew: Yeah, Big Fudge is watching you. Be careful.

Eric: [laughs] Big Fudge.

Andrew and Meg: Big Fudger.

Andrew: Episode title.

[Andrew and Meg laugh]

Micah: Big Fudge. And finally, we heard from Stephanie, who says,

“Clearly, Fudge is ‘weaponizing the justice system’ (a familiar phrase lately in US politics) to remove the threats to stability in the wizarding world. Because we don’t know much about the specifics of these laws, it kind of feels like the administration is the issue here, and maybe not the laws themselves.”

Eric: Right, this is targeted, and Dumbledore points this out later – might be a movie-ism – but he says, “Surely it’s regular procedure to have a full council to decide a simple matter of magic in front of Muggles.” And it’s true, the deck is stacked against Harry. If Fudge had nothing to do with the Dementors, which he didn’t – it’s plausible deniability; Dolores planned that specifically – he nevertheless is jumping on every opportunity to discredit Harry. He wants his wand broken. If Harry is wandless, he would perceive him as not a threat anymore to the lies that he’s trying to tell.

Andrew: Well, thanks again to everybody who participated at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. We’re loving this new Lynx Line segment, and we’ll continue to post questions with each chapter weekly.


Make the Personal Connection


Eric: I want to hear what your guys’ personal connections might be. Is there anything in this chapter that resonates with you for something that occurred recently?

Andrew: Yeah, so Harry, in this chapter, gets this really bad news that he’s going to be expelled, and they’re going to snap his wand, and it reminded me of when you receive really bad news in your own life. The thing is that you might get this bad news and it might be true. You might end up being expelled. Your wand might be broken; turn that into whatever example that’s happened in your own life that was terrible and actually did happen. But things always do work out in the end. My Make the Personal Connection here is I’ve been through really tough situations in my life, and things have always worked out. Always.

Eric: That’s really… I mean, I’m glad to hear it. It definitely is…

Andrew: Yeah, and I try to keep that in mind, even as bad news comes up in the future too. It’s like, “Yes, things are bad, but it will get better. Things will get better. You will get through this.”

Eric: There’s that line in Fantastic Beasts: “Worrying means you suffer twice.”

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. “Everything happens for a reason,” as is said. You might lose a job, but then one door closes, another one opens. If Harry actually was expelled from Hogwarts, he would have gone on to become a best-selling author, or had a really successful podcast about his life as the Chosen One.

[Meg and Micah laugh]

Eric: He should dip into his family fortune and start selling hair potion.

[Andrew laughs]

Meg: My personal connection was a little more lighthearted. Reading about all these owls flying in reminded me of something that I experienced several summers ago during a sort of extended family reunion at my grandparents’ home in Vermont. There were four nights in a row where every night, the sun would set, and then all of a sudden, there would be a bat in the house. And later we found out there was one just living in the attic, and bats are crepuscular, so they hunt at dusk, and so it would be time for dinner every night, and they’d try to get out of the attic and somehow end up in the house.

Andrew: Oof.

Meg: And they fly very quickly. They swoop. I had a lot of inebriated aunts, uncles, and cousins when this was happening, so there was a lot of screaming.

[Micah laughs]

Meg: The dogs were barking. And yeah, three nights in a row, I was tasked with getting the bat out of the house. And I did my research, and it was a little brown bat, and less than 1% of those carry rabies, so I felt pretty confident in getting them outside, back into the outdoors.

Eric: I thought you were going to say you did your research on how to do it, but didn’t you just take a towel to them?

[Meg laughs]

Eric: And say, “Here, batty, batty, batty!”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Meg: Well, I did have the idea… I was like, “I’m not going to grab a bat with my bare hands, even if the risk of rabies is very, very low.” But it’s hard to… I tried to catch them with the towel in the air, and they’re just real fast.

Andrew: I bet, yeah.

Meg: And they use their echolocation, so they’re like, “There’s a towel there; I’m going to swoop in the other direction.”

Eric: Oh, it knows how to avoid the fast…? Oh, man. Sometimes it get…

Meg: Eventually they would just land on the floor, and they’re really cute when they’re on the floor, just crawling around a little bit.

Eric: So then you invited it in to stay.

Meg: And then I would throw… yeah, well, that’s what I wanted to do, but my aunts and uncles were like, “You can’t do that.”

Eric: I bet at one point, your uncle was probably like, “Enough effing bats!”

[Andrew laughs]

Meg: “Enough effing bats!” My mom was probably thinking that. So I just threw a towel over them, and then I’d scoop them up and take them outside and look at their little puppy faces, say, “Goodbye, peck of bats.”

Eric: “See you tomorrow.” So you’re saying they never plugged that hole?

Meg: They did. They did eventually get someone to come… which is why, in the last few summers, we haven’t had any bats.

Eric: Great.

Andrew: Oh, good. Crisis averted.

Meg: But we’ve had raccoons in another house; that’s another story.

Eric: See, that was a harrowing situation, and it got better.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Meg: Yes! Exactly.

Andrew: It always gets better.

[Eric laughs]


MVP of the Week


Eric: And it’s time for our not MVP, but custom Most Something-Something of the Week. This week – great idea, Andrew – the most wicked Figg line. She’s had a lot of good zingers. She’s irate at the beginning of the chapter; she says a ton of funny stuff. What’s our favorite?

Andrew: Very colorful, yeah. And I want everybody to try and do their own Figg impression when reciting their line.

Eric: Oh, boy. Okay, all right.

Andrew: So mine is… and this is not going to be a good impression, but here we go. [imitating Mrs. Figg] “Oh my word, what a catastrophe… and you had to fight them off yourself… and Dumbledore said we were to keep you from doing magic at all costs… Well, it’s no good crying over spilled potion, I suppose… but the cat’s among the pixies now.” [laughs] The idioms are what kill me here, the back to back idioms.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: “No good crying over spilled potion.” “The cat’s among the pixies now.”

[Andrew and Meg laugh]

Micah: That was very good, though, Andrew.

Eric: That was incredible.

Micah: Give yourself more credit.

Andrew: [imitating Mrs. Figg] Oh, thank you! It’s my standard older lady voice, yes.

Micah: Grandma voice?

Meg: It kind of sounds a little bit like Mickey Mouse too.

Andrew: Oh, boy. [imitating Mickey Mouse] “Oh, boy!”

Meg: Figgy Mouse.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Oh, God. Okay, I’m not sold on my impression, but great, wicked Figg line: [imitating Mrs. Figg] “‘I hope Dumbledore murders him!’ said Mrs. Figg furiously.” Yeah, I hope so, too, but it won’t happen.

Micah: Oh, I went with, [imitating Mrs. Figg] “I told him I’d flay him alive if he went, and now look! Dementors!”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Figg has had it!

Meg: My wicked line is one that she says that’s wicked towards Harry, not Mundungus. But it’s when she says, [imitating Mrs. Figg] “Good lord, boy, they told me you were intelligent.”

Andrew: Oh, that was a good one too!

Micah: That was good.

Andrew: She sounded weak, too, which is appropriate.

Meg: She’s frail, but she’s bold and strong.

Micah: This gives a whole new appreciation to Jim Dale and Stephen Fry. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, especially Jim Dale.

Eric: It’s not easy. They make it look easy.

Andrew: Listeners, if you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE; that’s 1-920-368-4453. And next week, Chapter by Chapter continues with Chapter 3 of Book 5, “The Advance Guard.” Here comes the cavalry.


Quizzitch


Eric: And here also comes Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question: In reference to the drought that’s happening in the beginning of Book 5, what is the hottest temperature ever recorded in the United Kingdom? And we did go easy on people by saying guesses within three degrees would be accepted, and they could answer in Fahrenheit or Celsius. So the hottest temperature ever recorded in the United Kingdom was in Coningsby, Lincolnshire on July 19, 2022. This is recent. And it was 40.3 degrees Celsius, or 104.5 degrees Fahrenheit. And remember, these homes are not equipped with your HVAC, so ouch, it’s a scorcher. Correct answers were submitted in both centigrade and Fahrenheit by Deb W.; Figg’s Fumbly Phone; “I didn’t look it up because I live in the UK, and it’s never warm here”… okay. It’s just a bunch of hocus pocus!; Jiggly Jane; That extra cringe when Aunt Petunia says Diddy…

[Micah laughs]

Eric: … The Black Lake plumber, no thanks to Hogwarts Castle. Okay, that’s an interesting week. Here is next week’s question: In honor of “A Peck of Owls,” in Scotland, the peck was used as a dry measure until the introduction of imperial units as a result of the Weights and Measures Act of what year? What year did Scotland’s Weights and Measures Act take effect, eliminating the peck as a unit of measurement? And guaranteed if a single person knew this without looking it up, that’s cool, and I admire you. But it’s okay; this is our open book quiz. Submit…

Micah: I feel like I should know. I was just there. [laughs]

Eric: You were just there! Micah, don’t they have a little sign that says “Established before the Weights and Measures Act” before you enter any bar?

Micah: Well, it’s interesting that you bring that up, though, because there is on the roadway sign “miles” instead of…

Eric: Kilometers?

Micah: Maybe not instead of; it may have both. But it has to do with when they were brought into the United Kingdom.

Andrew and Eric: Interesting.

Micah: I think I got that right. Anyway. Because normally you never see “miles” as distance in the UK.

Andrew and Eric: Right.

Micah: So maybe this is tied into this particular act.

Eric: I’ll give you a hint: It was before the Model T.

Micah: Okay.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: So here is how you submit your Quizzitch answer: Please visit the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or if you’re on the website, maybe checking out the lovely transcripts that Meg is working hard on every week, you might ponder over to click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav. And I look forward to the answers on this one. And oh, thanks to people who pointed out I accidentally locked answers before last week. I’ll do that right now, and they’re unlocked. So have fun.

Andrew: Yeah, we’re very excited to have transcripts for each episode of MuggleCast, and Meg is working diligently to get our most recent episodes transcribed after they are released, but also she’s been slowly but surely going through our back catalog to get that entire library updated. So thanks so much, Meg, for doing that for us.

Meg: You’re welcome. I’ve been prioritizing the previous Order of the Phoenix Chapter by Chapters, but also the Must Listens page, and it’s been very exciting for me to get to listen back to some of those Wall of Fame episodes.

Andrew: Cool. And you’re not sick of our voices yet.

Meg: Not yet!

Andrew: Cool! Great! Good to know.

Meg: We’ll see in another year, but so far we’re good.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: I keep checking in with her, really. It’s like, “Good morning, honey. Are you sick of my voice yet?”

[Andrew and Meg laugh]

Andrew: And she’s like, “Shut up.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: “A little more every time you ask,” I think she said, yeah.

[Meg laughs]

Andrew: Now, if we were doing our Figg voices in every episode, you probably would grow very tired of the voices. And our own voices would grow tired, I think, of doing that. It’s a win-win.

Meg: Well, it is exciting, Andrew, when I get to put in brackets “imitating Dumbledore” for some things you say.

Andrew: [laughs] Okay.

Meg: Keeps it fresh.

Andrew: Well, this show is a lot of work, and we’re very proud of it, but we are an indie podcast. Your financial support is of the utmost importance; it is the only reason we’ve been able to podcast and run this show for 19 years. So if you’re interested in helping us out, there are two great ways. First, if you’re an Apple Podcasts user, you can subscribe to MuggleCast Gold, which gets you instant access to ad-free and early releases of each episode of MuggleCast, plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month. And for even more benefits – and this is the best way to support us, because you get a lot more – visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and you get all the benefits of MuggleCast Gold, plus our livestreams, yearly stickers, a physical gift like a T-shirt, signed album art, a tote bag, or a mug. We do a different one each year. One year we did a wand, which is probably our best gift yet. You also get a video message from one of the four of us made just for you. You also get access to our private Facebook and Discord groups and a lot more, so check it all out at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. And if you enjoy the show and think other Muggles would too, please tell a friend about the podcast and help us spread the word by also leaving a five star review in your favorite podcast app. And visit MuggleCast.com for those transcripts, social media links, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes, Quizzitch, and much more. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Meg: And I’m Meg.

Andrew: Thanks again, Meg. Bye, everyone.

Eric, Meg, and Micah: Bye.