Transcript #719

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #719, There’s Something About Albus (OOTP Chapter 37, The Lost Prophecy)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter for 20 years and counting. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And we’ve been your Harry Potter friends for all this time, talking about the books and the movies and the upcoming TV show, so make sure you press that follow button in your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode. And this week, grab the nearest expensive-looking trinket and hurl it at Dumbledore, because we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 37, “The Lost Prophecy.”


News


Andrew: But first, some TV show-related news. Well, look at this! Further casting announcements have arrived, and Warwick Davis, who played Flitwick in the Harry Potter films, is returning as Flitwick in the Harry Potter TV show. Sprout and other roles were also cast. Those announcements came on Back to Hogwarts Day, September 1. Before we get to the other casting announcements, let’s talk about Warwick Davis. This was a pretty big surprise, right?

Eric: Yeah, I was not expecting this. I don’t know if we had done a poll or a survey of who, if anybody, would be coming back. I’m choosing to be excited about this because it’s going to mean more time with Flitwick and more time with his Flitwick, who I liked in the movies, but there’s just not… you don’t really have the time to spend some time with him.

Laura: I think I’m fine with it, so long as we’re actually going to get more character focus. There are so many great moments with the Hogwarts professors that did not make the cut for the movies, and I think particularly in Order of the Phoenix, Flitwick has some great moments that I would love to see Max’d, so we’ll see if they do it. If it’s more of repeat of same, then I’ll have different thoughts.

Micah: As a Ravenclaw, I do feel somewhat conflicted about this, and the reason why I say that is because I feel as if cameos are one thing, but playing the exact same role… this TV series is supposed to be something that’s completely different and separate from what the movies were, and you’re casting the exact same Head of House for Ravenclaw as you did in the eight Harry Potter films, and he was in most of them, whether he was playing Flitwick or he was playing Griphook. And I see there’s some questions in the Discord as to whether or not he’s going to reprise the role of Griphook. No, he’s not; it was announced that Leigh Gill will be taking on the role of Griphook in the TV show. But I do wonder, though – Eric, you mentioned this just a few minutes ago – how many people were approached? And there can’t be too many that fit that category, where you could go back to them and ask them to reprise a role, because…

Eric: That’s a good point, because their age difference.

Andrew and Micah: Yeah.

Andrew: Well, and the other thing is that Warwick Davis is a little person. He’s playing a very unique role; there’s not a lot of people who could take on this role. So maybe they thought, “If we’re going to cast somebody from the films, let’s get somebody whose character might be harder to recast.” And we also know Warwick has been a champion of the Harry Potter fandom and the series for a really long time, and I think that must be a factor too.

Eric: Yeah, well, actually, so he’s been an advocate for little people. He founded Little People UK, and he’s made sure that they get representation in media. And in fact, his whole goal has been to prevent Hollywood from using all CGI in little characters and different characters, like the Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs that was all CGI dwarfs. Literally, this is what we’re trying to prevent here, and I think that is where Warwick’s advocacy has been lately. So it’s nice to see. I think with casting him, it will also mean that other little people get into roles in this series, because I can’t see him standing for anything less, is what I would suggest. So that’s kind of why I feel good about this. It’s like, okay, so I think he’ll continue to advocate and continue to shape the choices being made behind the scenes.

Andrew: But this almost is a double-edged sword, because if you’re advocating, why are you taking a role you already had? Why not give it to somebody else? [laughs]

Eric: Well, there is that that I’ve seen too. It’s like, “Oh, if you want to get people to get roles, why are you taking the best roles?”

Andrew: Another point I want to bring up is that this came as – I’m sure the three of you have also seen – there’s been a lot of talk online about “Why do we need a Harry Potter TV show?” Chris Columbus, who directed the first two movies, brought up this point in a recent interview. People have been looking at the photos of new Hagrid and previous Hagrid and wondering, “Why are we doing this again if they’re just going to look the same?” So I think the timing of this announcement in particular was really bad. They maybe should have waited to share this Warwick Davis news, because this is doing no favors in convincing people that there’s a reason to redo the series. Now, to fans like us, we know why they can reboot it and have a good reason to. There’s going to be a good five hours of additional storytelling per book. That’s a huge difference! That’s a huge win for Harry Potter fans. But most people are just comparing pictures so far and being like, “I’m not seeing anything new here.”

Micah: I love Warwick Davis. He’s been on the show multiple times. As mentioned, he is a huge part of the Harry Potter fan community, and I’m sure he’ll do an amazing job reprising this role, but I’ll go back to what I said earlier: I think there’s a difference between making a cameo and taking on the same role that you did before. I think back only very recently to a show like Wednesday, where you had cameos from Christina Ricci and Christopher Lloyd…

Laura: Right.

Micah: … where it adds a level of excitement to know that you’re bringing back these characters who played Wednesday and Fester Addams respectively. You could have done maybe something similar with somebody like Warwick Davis; how he would have shown up, I don’t necessarily know, but this will lend itself – Andrew, like you were saying – to the argument that, “Well, why are we doing this again, if we’re just rinsing and repeating in a lot of the same areas that we did before?” And we criticize because we care, right? At the end of the day.

Andrew: [emotionally] We want the best for our baby.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: As I said, Warwick did an amazing job the first time around, and I’m sure he’ll do a fantastic job with the TV show.

Andrew: This locks him in for another 30 years on the pop culture convention circuit, by the way.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: He’s set for life at this point.

Laura: Smart.

Micah: He’s 55. He’s not that old.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Laura: Totally. I just wonder if we’re going to get an abrupt wardrobe change partway through.

Andrew: Oh, I hope not.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Let’s get that right this time.

Eric: Well, Laura, it would be hilarious if they actually keep his makeover between years two and three.

Laura: Oh my gosh.

Eric: But no, what I was thinking about this was they have to choose, right? They’re either going to have young… I don’t want to say… is svelte the right word? Formal-looking Flitwick, or that wizened, old, squeaky professor.

Andrew: I vote wizened.

Eric: I think the only descriptor… yeah, you think they’re going to do the wizened, Andrew?

Andrew: That’s what I would prefer, personally. I never liked that remake.

Eric: Honestly, I kind of agree with you. They must have just wanted to save makeup time in the later films by giving him that…

Micah: Well, they also made him the choir master, right? And I think that also…

Laura: Right.

Eric: There were some anomalies. I think the only descriptor in the books is that he’s small. I really don’t think it’s described what race he might be. Because the older Flitwick that we got in the first two movies doesn’t entirely look fully human, it’d be interesting to see where they go with the design and the look and the feel of Professor Flitwick.

Andrew: So let’s look at the other cast members who were announced. Elijah Oshin will play Dean Thomas, Finn Stephens will play Vincent Crabbe, William Nash will play Gregory Goyle, Sirine Saba will play Professor Pomona Sprout… [laughs]

Eric: My Head of House! Yay!

Micah: Nobody cares. Next.

Eric: Aw.

Micah: I’m just kidding. [laughs]

Andrew: Richard Durden will play Binns! Bríd Brennan will play Madam Poppy Pomfrey. And I think it was mentioned a few minutes ago, Leigh Gill will play Griphook, so Warwick will not be double dipping this time.

Eric: Let’s talk about Richard Durden as Profethor… Professor. I almost said “Profethor.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Cuthbert Binns! Professor Binns.

Micah: Who had money? We talked about this, what was it, last episode? Or two episodes ago?

Eric: Was it?

Micah: Where we said, “Who’s going to be the first character that was in the Harry Potter books that didn’t make it into the movies, that was going to be cast in the TV show?”

Eric: So ring a bell! It’s Professor Binns. Whoever had money on that, collect your prize backstage.

Andrew: Who was it? Was it you, Micah?

Micah: We didn’t pick.

Andrew: Oh, nobody said? Ohhh.

Micah: They beat us to it.

Eric: We were in the middle of saying, “Hey, we should do this,” and it hadn’t quite materialized. Ugh.

Andrew: That’s exciting. I mean, these types of announcements alone are pretty big news, I feel. Finally, we’re going to get adaptations of these characters.

Eric: Here’s what alarms me, though: We got the casting announcement for Professor Binns before we got the casting announcement for Peeves. Professor Peeves. Are they not going to cast Peeves?

Micah: Sure they will.

Laura: No way. They have to have Peeves this time.

Andrew: I wouldn’t read into that.

Eric: Thank you. They have to, right? They actually have to.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Because it came so close. There were screen tests with Peeves in the first movie.

Micah: It’s a slow rollout of casts.

Eric: But you would think, if they’re trying to wow us, they would announce the casting… I mean, Peeves has to be in the show.

Micah: I mean, Eric, who’s more exciting than Professor Binns?

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Well, maybe Peeves will be a surprise casting announcement. We’ve heard rumors – I don’t know if these are remotely credible – but we’ve heard rumors that they’re going to keep the actor playing Voldemort under wraps, so maybe they’re going to keep some others under wraps, too, and Peeves could be one of them.

Laura: Oh, maybe it’s the same actor.

Andrew: We saw them attempt to do that with Grindelwald in the Fantastic Beasts series. [laughs] It could be the same actor?

Laura: Yeah, I was going to say, what if it’s the same actor playing Voldemort and Peeves?

Andrew: Yeah. I would like to pat myself on the back for something. So two weeks ago, we were talking about the casting of the Weasleys, and I said, “Maybe they’re announcing the Weasley kids because they’re going to be filming Platform Nine and Three Quarters stuff.” Sure enough, a few days later, that’s exactly what happened.

Micah: Good job.

Andrew: Thank you so much. That’s what I wanted.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: You know, I listened to that episode recently on the train, and I thought of this upcoming episode, and I said, “You know what? Andrew was right,” because…

Andrew: [tearfully] Thank you so much.

Micah: … they did, in fact, end up leaking photos of them filming King’s Cross.

Andrew: Yeah. Oh, and by the way, Ron in those photos is wearing a Chudley Cannons T-shirt. People were very excited about that.

Eric: Ahh!

Andrew: It’s going to be these little details that are going to win people over.

Laura: It’s the small touches, yep.

Andrew: Well, that’s what’s happening with the Harry Potter TV show, so stick with MuggleCast for continuing coverage as filming and more announcements develop.

Micah: We do need to talk about this year’s physical gift, the MuggleCast 20th anniversary retrospective, the MuggleCast yearbook. And look, this is a real book. It’s made of actual paper and everything. It features writing from all four of us, and it chronicles the wild, the weird, and occasionally coherent 20-year journey of the podcast. Inside you’re all going to find behind-the-scenes stories, original writing, and never-before-seen photos, some of which we probably should have kept buried. At this point, who cares?

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: It’s basically a time capsule, but with better jokes and fewer awkward high school photos. We wanted to do something special to mark this milestone, because hey, 20 years is either an impressive run or just a sign we don’t know when to quit. So we’ve poured our hearts, brains, and way too many late nights into making something we think you all will genuinely enjoy flipping through, preferably while sipping a butterbeer or two. And because this is a yearbook, we’re also including a book plate, which is hand-signed by all four of us. You can stick it wherever you like in the book: front cover, back cover, or right over that one photo where we’re all wearing 2005-era fashion choices. It’s totally your choice.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Maybe in the part of the book that says “Autographs,” which is the last page, but yeah.

Micah: Maybe.

Eric: Or on your water bottle!

Micah: I know I’ve really enjoyed contributing to this. I think back to writing about the special guests that we’ve had on MuggleCast over the years, and we’ve had quite a few. We were talking about Warwick Davis earlier, who was on the show multiple times; David Heyman, the producer of the Harry Potter films; David Yates, the director of Order of the Phoenix on, also including the Fantastic Beasts films; we’ve had Evanna Lynch, and there’s a whole section dedicated to all the great guests that we’ve had over the two decades we’ve been podcasting. This gift is going to go out to Slug Club patrons, so a reminder that we send you a new physical gift every year. Just go to Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledge at the Slug Club level to receive this yearbook, and the deadline to pledge is coming up soon; it is September 15, so by the time this episode is out, just a few days left to pledge.

Andrew: So don’t delay.

Eric: Yes, and all patrons have to opt in, by the way. Sitting and looking at the numbers. There is a form you have to fill out specifically to request it once you are a patron. Be sure to do that.

Andrew: Monday, September 15 is the deadline. Thanks, everybody! We really appreciate your support, and we can’t wait to get this yearbook out to you in the fall.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: Now it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 37, “The Lost Prophecy.”

Eric: Yet again, I come across an episode of MuggleCast with a title that’s so good, I think, “How are we going to top it?” And the last time that we were discussing this chapter on MuggleCast was Episode 474 for July 21, 2020. That episode was called “There’s Something About Harry,” and here’s a clip for it.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I don’t know how we’re going to top it.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 474.

Laura: Yeah, I think the suggestion here is that Dumbledore’s office is somewhat sentient and can repair itself.

Micah: Huh, okay.

Eric: I think the Sorting Hat took it upon itself to clean up a little bit.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: And it sang.

Eric: It probably… yeah, it leaned over and a broom came out of it, and then it picked it up somehow and swept.

Andrew: [imitating the Sorting Hat] “Oh, I think this room’s not pretty. I’ll tidy up today.”

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Oh, keep going, Andrew. You’ve got the whole song.

Andrew: [imitating the Sorting Hat] “The headmaster would want it that way. After all, he’s gay.”

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Andrew!

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Andrew: I totally forgot about that. [laughs]

Eric: Nice rhyme skills!

Laura: It’s a good moment.

Andrew: Yeah, wow. And that was before ChatGPT!

[Andrew and Eric laughs]

Eric: Before you could cheat.

Laura: That was all original.

Eric: Oh my God.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Eric: So yes, speaking of Chapter 37, “The Lost Prophecy,” this chapter picks up right where the last one left off. Harry has taken the wizard’s golden head – which is property theft – and Dumbledore made it a Portkey, and it’s transported him to the middle of Dumbledore’s office. Now, it’s impossible to guess what Harry might be feeling. Turns out it’s everything. There is a lot to make Harry restless, and honestly, with all the hubbub that just occurred at the Ministry now, the silence and solitude of Dumbledore’s office is kind of jarring for Harry. He immediately begins pacing. Everybody that’s here, I guess, in the form of the portraits, were at first asleep. It’s just… it’s quiet. It’s too quiet.

Laura: Definitely.

Eric: When left with this much silence and this lack of things going on, the vacuum is going to get filled with… what is it? Harry’s guilt. This is horrible. He has no choice but to reflect on what just happened, and I think the first emotion that crosses is he can’t think about Sirius, because then he would feel guilty. Should Harry feel guilty about Sirius’s death?

Micah: Eh, I don’t know if he should, but it’s certainly a natural emotion in this situation.

Laura: Yeah, I was going to plus one that. I think guilt is just an incredibly common part of the grieving process. I’m not a therapist, but I think we’ve all been through the grieving process at one point or another, and it’s really normal for your brain, as part of that bargaining stage, to think about all the what ifs. “What if I’d done this differently? What if I’d been there at this specific time? What if I had waited for Snape to come rescue me out of the forest before I ran off to the Ministry?” These are all natural things that your brain is going to jump to to ultimately try and soothe the pain that you’re feeling and help you process it. So I think it’s normal. It sucks, but only normal.

Andrew: I think processing is the key word here. This just happened, I mean, so of course he’s going to feel guilty. He’s going to feel every emotion right now; he’s going to replay through his head. He’s in denial that it’s happened too. We see early on in this chapter Harry doesn’t want to speak out loud that Sirius has died, because there would be a finality to it. He’s going to go through all the emotions, and that’s part of the juxtaposition we see between the last chapter and this one; we go from the noise to the quiet. It’s like, “Now I can think. Now my head can start to process what’s going on.”

Eric: Yeah, and that’s a bad thing. What I don’t like to see with Harry is him giving into Hermione’s whole phraseology of what Harry was doing. Harry, looking back on Sirius and the guilt he feels, says, “Hermione… she brought up that saving-people thing. I did rush off. What if I had just waited?” And it’s like, Harry, you did what you could! You tried to do your due diligence; you were hobbled. You had your hands tied behind your back. You don’t need to admit that you have a saving-people thing; it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. So in addition to the guilt, there’s also some self-loathing here. I think Harry wishes he didn’t have a saving-people thing, and he thinks he does.

Micah: I’d give Harry a mulligan here, though, because he’s operating off of the information that he has been given. And he’s been in a similar situation this year where he saw somebody who was very close to him be attacked by Voldemort, and because of his fast acting, they were able to save Arthur, so why would he believe this to be any different? I know that it’s easy for us to be on the sidelines here and criticize him for the way that he decided to act in this moment, but Sirius means just as much, if not more so, than Arthur does to him, and the fact that Voldemort could be torturing him and he’s just going to stand on the side and do nothing about it? I understand why he reacted the way that he did and chose the path that he chose. It’s unfortunate, but you can’t expect him not to, almost.

Laura: Yeah. He’s also beat Voldemort multiple times already, so he’s got some past experience to go off of when thinking about going up against this guy.

Eric and Micah: Yeah.

Andrew: And does Dumbledore even acknowledge in this chapter…? I’m trying to find the moment where Dumbledore acknowledges that Sirius is pretty much the closest thing he has to a father.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: It’s nice for Dumbledore to notice that. Dumbledore notices things like that, yeah.

Micah: The other piece of it, too, is that so many of the safety nets have been removed at this point where Harry doesn’t have much other choice than to himself go after Sirius, right? There’s no Dumbledore; there’s no Hagrid; there’s no McGonagall; Snape just, we think, has left him high and dry in Umbridge’s office. What is he supposed to do? All the adults are MIA.

Eric: Well, to add to Harry’s distress, we have Phineas Nigellus Black, Sirius Black’s great-grandfather, who Harry quickly strikes up a conversation with. He startles awake and he says, “Oh, what? You want me to give a message to my no good, good for nothing, great-grandson?” It’s salt in the wound here!

Andrew: It is.

Eric: And it’s not like Phineas knows this, but gosh, does that hurt to read when you’re reading this.

Andrew: Yeah. Partly because Harry is experiencing what happened before Sirius fell into the veil; he’s kind of caught between two worlds at the moment. But I also like this scene, not what Phineas is saying, but how the other portraits are taking notice, and one of them says, “Does this mean Dumbledore is going to be returning soon?” And they’re all excited to hear that Albus will be back soon, and Umbridge is out.

Micah: Yaaay!

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: Well, life is so much less boring.

Andrew: Well, yeah, and the reason that this stood out to me is I think this is something we should remember as we discuss the remainder of this chapter and this series. [coughs pointedly] People whose portraits are hanging in Dumbledore’s office, in the headmaster’s office, respect Dumbledore, admire Dumbledore, love Dumbledore. He is a legendary figure in the wizarding world, as is being acknowledged by these other legendary figures who have had the privilege of hanging in the headmaster’s office at Hogwarts. So I just want to say people deeply respect Dumbledore.

Micah: They do.

Eric: There’s something about Dumbledore.

Andrew: There’s something about that guy. He’s going places. For another book.

Laura: Is that the title of this episode?

Eric: I’m trying to make it. I’m trying to push it.

Andrew: [laughs] There’s something about Dumbledore! Oh, no!

Laura: There’s something about Dumbledore.

Eric: Or Albus, if we need.

Andrew: Something about Alby.

Micah: With Phineas Nigellus Black, though, I do see where you’re coming from, where you say it’s like rubbing salt in the wound. But when he does find out what’s happened, he does depart his portrait to go to Grimmauld Place, and I think he’s just one of those characters that likes to give Harry a hard time, and he’s a different type of headmaster than Dumbledore is, right?

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Micah: That’s the other piece of this. But I understand that that’s probably the last thing that Harry wants to hear upon landing in Dumbledore’s office.

Eric: Well, yeah, and having seen Sirius die, Harry knows that Phineas is going home or going to Grimmauld Place; he’s not going to find him. And honestly, it’s a mercy that we don’t hear a wail coming from the other portrait through into Dumbledore’s office in the middle of Harry and Dumbledore’s conversation. But small mercies, honestly. This beginning of this chapter goes really hard into Harry’s feelings, but ultimately, this stuff has been pent up for a year. This is the other thing: This chapter really has come to a head, the confrontation or all of the feelings between Harry and Dumbledore, which we’re going to get into, but I like it for that, because ultimately, it’s better to let these feelings out. Even though Harry can’t seem to bring himself to say he’s gone, the conversation that Dumbledore brings on needs to happen, and it needs to happen not just for closure for the book, but for the ability to move forward to whatever kind of relationship Dumbledore and Harry are going to have. Because like it or not, Dumbledore is one of Harry’s loved ones. He tells Harry in this chapter, “I love you,” or “care for you” is as close as he can get. But there are… somebody that loved or cared for Harry is recently departed, and it’s important, I think, in a way, that psychologically we’re getting a kind of a reconciliation, or at least an understanding or a path forward with one of the other people that really do actually care about Harry, and they haven’t been talking all year. So talking about that, I thought it would be fun to give OWL rankings as we get into Dumbledore’s handling of the situation, to how we think Dumbledore handles this situation. Now, this includes staying quiet while Harry breaks all of his stuff, and also to saying, “I’m going to tell you everything,” which happens to then be what he tells him. So just let’s rate Dumbledore’s performance in this chapter. Who wants to go first?

Andrew: I’ll go first. I’ll give it an Exceeds Expectations.

Micah: Shocker.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: He takes responsibility. He says, “Maybe I should have told you things sooner.” He’s very compassionate and yet forceful with Harry. He locks Harry in the office, which I thought was a bold move, considering all he’s put him through.

Eric: That’s wild.

Andrew: But Dumbledore probably made the right choice, because as we see, Harry is trying to get out, and Dumbledore is going to give him some tough, real talk first before letting him go. So all in all, it’s not Outstanding – I think you should be pleased I didn’t give him an Outstanding – but it’s not Acceptable; he did better than that. I’m good with the double E.

Eric: I’m going to say it’s not Acceptable, which is, by the way, an OWL rating, Acceptable. I’m going to say it’s not Acceptable, but only because I don’t think that what Dumbledore is doing is okay, so that means that I have to give Dumbledore a P for Poor. I just think that there’s some revisionist history going. The whole “I’m going to tell you everything,” even if Dumbledore stops short of telling Harry the obvious full series mysteries – which he absolutely does – but even if he only did that, he doesn’t need to lie to Harry. Dumbledore is still manipulating the truths that he’s telling Harry in this chapter, and so for that reason, I find it less than Acceptable. So I think that what this amounts to, even in these tender moments where Dumbledore is saying to Harry, “I just cared for you so much; I couldn’t tell you this,” what it reads more like is that Dumbledore is telling himself stories that will make his own guilt over Sirius’s death feel better, and he’s telling Harry these things that are going to disarm Harry, but they’re not exactly close to being true; we know this. So I gave it a Poor.

Micah: Well, Andrew, you might be shocked by this, but I gave Dumbledore an Exceeds Expectations.

Andrew: Aww!

Laura: Wow.

Eric: The double E!

Micah: The double E.

Andrew: Why?

Micah: Why? [laughs] For all the reasons you said, and then some.

Andrew: Oh, oh.

Micah: I think if you were grading Dumbledore on his behavior for the prior 36 chapters, it would be somewhere in the Poor to Troll category. However, how he handles this situation in his office is borderline Acceptable/Exceeds Expectations.

Andrew: Okay. Yes.

Micah: I just think when he is present, he’s on. When he’s being a 150-year-old man baby, he’s not.

Andrew: Man baby! He admits that old age is part of the problem.

Laura: Shots fired.

Micah: We’ll talk about this later, but his behavior in this particular book is just unacceptable.

Andrew: Okay. Well, he admits he made mistakes, but we’ll get to that.

Micah: Too late. Anyway, I agree with you for now.

Laura: Yeah, admits that he made mistakes while he’s actively making another mistake by not actually telling Harry anything that he needs to know. I kind of went for a middle ground here and said this was Acceptable, and the reason I went with this was because I think, due to the circumstances that Dumbledore himself set up that led to this moment, there was a ceiling to how high I was going to rate this, no matter how well he did. So I thought Dumbledore actually did pretty well in this circumstance, remaining calm, making sure to emphasize to Harry, “It’s okay to feel grief; it’s completely normal. You still have your humanity.” That is something to be thankful for. Taking accountability for several of his missteps. I think these are all great things, but ultimately he, I think, set himself up to be in this situation literally every day for the last year of this story. Every single time he woke up and decided not to tell Harry what was going on, that was a choice. It was a choice every single time.

Eric: [laughs] I see, so you’re saying we shouldn’t really give Dumbledore his flowers for handling angry Harry so well, because he created the situation that created angry Harry to begin… okay, I get it. Yeah. Well, I’ve enjoyed the ratings. I want to talk about how Dumbledore first attempts to make Harry feel better. The first words out of Dumbledore’s lips when he returns are, “I know how you are feeling.” Harry quickly replies, “No, you don’t.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But I think that this is an okay opener.

Andrew: Yes!

Eric: I just gave Dumbledore a Poor; this is an okay opener. “I know how you are feeling.” This is empathetic. This is… it’s not antagonistic. It’s honestly meant to bridge this impossible divide that’s grown up against them over the year. I don’t have a problem with the opening line, and I’ll tell you, but he quickly ruins it. [laughs] How do we feel about “I know how you’re feeling”?

Micah: I think it’s a bit of a throwaway line, and here’s where my head went: And we’ve all seen the TV shows like SVU and Criminal Minds when the cop comes to the grieving widow or parent and says, “I know what you’re going through,” and then they immediately respond, “No, you don’t,” and then they respond, “You’re right. I don’t.” And that’s what this reminded me of. It’s almost expected that this is what Dumbledore would say.

Eric: Oooh.

Micah: “Oh, I know how you’re feeling.” And he might; there’s truth to that. But I don’t think it’s… I don’t know what else you lead with here, to be completely honest.

Andrew: That was going to be my question. Maybe you just say, “I screwed up. Oopsie!”

Micah: Maybe.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: “I made a mistake.” I don’t know what else you could open with that Harry would actually like, other than “I suck.”

Eric: If he said “Oopsie,” that would be amazing.

Laura: Oh, man.

Eric: I would have given him an Exceeds Expectations for that.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “We all make mistakes.”

Laura: Had a little “Oopsie-poopsie” for the entire year? Yeah, I think Dumbledore does know how Harry feels right now. Think about Ariana, right? I think that’s a perfect example of Dumbledore having a similar circumstance where he feels like he’s at fault for the death of a family member, right? So I think he’s trying to relate to Harry in that sense here, but the problem is Dumbledore hasn’t been open about any of this, so it’s not going to resonate with Harry.

Eric: Right, he’s not going to immediately tell Harry, “By the way, I had a sister once, and I blame myself for her death.” That actually would be so effective, I think. Because Harry doesn’t know anything about Dumbledore, it would have the result of bringing the two boys/men closer. Yeah, that’s a heck of an idea. That should be an invitation for Dumbledore to tell Harry more about himself there. But instead, Dumbledore adds, “There is no shame in what you are feeling. In fact, this is your greatest strength.” Now, this is not what Harry wants to hear, but this is also not what I think anybody would want to hear after losing somebody close to them. “Isn’t it great that you feel love and feel the loss that comes from love, Harry? Woohoo! Whoop-de-do! I think it’s awesome that, in fact, you’re able to suffer like this” is what Dumbledore is basically saying to Harry. Of course it doesn’t work!

Laura: It’s the wrong timing, I think, for this kind of thing. I think he’s really trying to impress upon Harry the key difference between Harry and Voldemort…

Eric: Right.

Laura: … in that Harry can still feel love, and that’s all well and good, but I don’t know that this is the time. I think a lot of what comes after this, in terms of explanation, would have been better setup for Dumbledore to then say, “Hey, your grief is your strength, because it’s what makes you different from him.”

Eric: Oooh. Okay.

Andrew: Yeah. So I agree Dumbledore is trying to start leaning into this theme of “Love is your greatest weapon, it’s the greatest power, it’s the thing Voldemort knows not,” so maybe he should have led with a little more details here, because ultimately, I agree with you, Eric, that “Woohoo, you feel emotion and sadness when somebody close to you dies!” That’s not enough to explain why you’re saying what you’re saying here.

Eric: Well, and it doesn’t feel like a strength to Harry, right? It’s the burden. It’s the burden of having lost someone. And so I think what it is, though, based on what Laura and what Andrew, you were saying, is Dumbledore is just thinking about his victory, how he just snatched… Harry is still alive, and has just defeated Voldemort again, and I think that’s thrilling for Dumbledore, to the point where Dumbledore obviously knows what happened. It’s the whole love thing that Harry’s got going on, and so he’s going to lead with this sort of faux pas of mentioning that love is a strength, because Dumbledore can’t, I think, immediately get over the fact that love really is what just triumphed a moment ago when Voldemort was trying to possess Harry and couldn’t. It was because the love. So I think that in Dumbledore’s own way, he thinks he’s explaining some great mystery, but it hasn’t been built up yet, and so that’s interesting.

Micah: Right. To me, it shows that even Dumbledore doesn’t know how to handle a situation like this, and really – and I’m sure we’re going to talk more about it – this whole conversation humanizes Dumbledore. It’s like the curtain gets pulled back on the great wizard that is Albus Dumbledore, and you start to realize his faults. And actually, I agree with what’s being said, because I think he’s so intent on getting Harry out of the Ministry, back to his office, so he can word vomit everything that’s been going on throughout this entire school year to try and save face a little bit with Harry, when in fact, Harry probably shouldn’t even be in this particular situation. He should probably either be with Madam Pomfrey, or surrounded by friends, or with Lupin, or… there’s a lot of other potential scenarios for Harry, and the fact that Dumbledore takes him back to his office, locks him in there, has him wait in silence for him…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: … and then just completely unleashes everything over the course of the last several months that’s been unfolding, and then some, because he goes back in time to tell him all what’s happened. I just think that it shows that he’s human, he’s a human being, and just like everybody else, he doesn’t know the best way to handle these situations.

Andrew: Dumbledore has never been through something like this before, even though we’re heading into the second war. Harry obviously hasn’t been through something like this before. I actually like the point Dumbledore makes about old age. He faults himself because he has had lived experiences that should have been able to inform how he managed Harry, whereas Harry cannot see Dumbledore’s perspective, because Harry is just young; he hasn’t had those lived experiences yet.

Eric: Right, right.

Andrew: So I think this old age argument that Albus brings up is very valid. I think it can be interpreted as Albus saying that it was impossible to know the right way to share things with Harry, because neither of them, no one, has had to deal with this type of very complicated situation before! Dumbledore is leveling with Harry. He could have continued to be like, “Well, I still don’t know the best way to handle all this; just you wait and see.”

Laura: But I mean, he kind of does, though.

Eric: Well, I don’t think the curtain gets pulled back on Albus Dumbledore the man any more than what Dumbledore wants it to be pulled back. To Laura’s point earlier, he could have talked about his sister. That would completely obliterate any pretense of Dumbledore not telling Harry stuff, is if he led with…

Micah: Not to Harry, but to the reader. The curtain gets pulled back to the reader.

Eric: To the reader. No, you’re right. It’s above the text; it’s meta-textual here. You have to understand that when Dumbledore is telling Harry “I’m going to tell you everything” and revealing his faults, it’s not in what he says; it’s in what he does and what he doesn’t do here.

Laura: Yeah. And over in our Discord, Ariane points out, “It feels like he’s trying to control Harry still, even in this moment,” and Forty added, “He’s definitely still driving to the desired outcome of Harry facing Voldy at the right time, a.k.a. setting him up to be a pig for slaughter.”

Eric: There is one moment of brilliance, though, and it does get Harry to stop trying to leave his office, and it’s when Dumbledore says, “You’re not nearly as angry with me as you should be, because if you knew everything that I’ve done, you would be even angrier.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: And okay, all right. This is delicious. This is utterly… Harry is like, “Huh?” And so in this moment, the old age has understood what it is to be young and hot behind the collar, so I think it’s a good get. It forces Harry to pay attention; it also forces Harry to stop wallowing in the guilt spiral and ultimately… like I said, it gets his attention for what Dumbledore needs to tell him, so I think it’s clever.

Laura and Micah: I agree.

Laura: Yeah, I think that was probably the one thing that he could say that would really get Harry to lock in and listen to this whole explanation.

Andrew: Yeah. Another reason I like this chapter and Dumbledore’s heart-to-heart with Harry is Dumbledore is kind of setting up this real talk zone. Like I mentioned earlier, he’s got him locked in. He’s saying stuff like, “You actually should be harder on me.” Harry says, “I don’t care about anything!” and Dumbledore says, “You actually do.”

[Eric and Laura laughs]

Andrew: These are some good back and forth lines.

Micah: Do you think part of that is to make himself feel better?

Andrew: Probably. [laughs]

Micah: Because he’s been absent for the entire…

Andrew: Yes, and he feels bad about!

Micah: Well, does he?

Andrew: Well, he says he feels bad for not teaching him Occlumency.

Eric: Yeah, I think that some of this, “Oh, I should have known, or I should have…” isn’t really repentant enough for my liking. It’s an acknowledgement; there’s points for saying something out loud, but he’d get more points if he meant them, I think. He ultimately is giving Harry lines as an excuse to continue lying to Harry, to some extent. Now, there is some information, however, that is ultimately conveyed – and we’re going to talk about it – but I think on the whole, if we’re going to look at this knowing what we know from Books 6 and 7 and the series as a whole that we’ve just been reading through, I think that we can come to an agreement on there are several key things that were withheld at the end of this conversation that never made it into this conversation, and for a conversation that is itself about stuff that was withheld from Harry, I think it falls short at redeeming the loss that has been pasted over the series. But it’s imperfect; I don’t dislike the book about this. I think that it’s just a very good example of a very flawed person and a dynamic between these two. I don’t think until the end of Book 6 are they really equals, but this conversation could have ended in that way, where, if Dumbledore had given a little bit more, Harry and Dumbledore would be on more of an equal footing, I think.

Andrew: That would have been pretty nice, especially considering the name of the next chapter, “The Second War Begins.” To have them on equal footing as the second war begins would be pretty cool.

Eric: That’s interesting. Okay, yeah, I like that a lot. Harry would be Dumbledore’s man through and through, and they’d be… his rightful soldier.

Andrew: Yeah, copilot.

Eric: Copilot, yeah!

Andrew: Fully aware of the situation and the stakes and what has to be done.

Micah: He kind of is, though.

Eric: [imitating Dumbledore] “Harry, it is time for me to name you co-president of the Order of the Phoenix.”

Andrew: [laughs] “You’re not a prefect, but you’re copilot.”

Micah: He’s his copilot, yeah, just without the flight plan.

Eric: I can see that on a bumper sticker: “Harry is my copilot.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: So there’s a line here that I like; I mentioned it before. “Old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young.” This line is supposed to excuse Dumbledore supposedly not realizing that keeping Sirius cooped up was a problem, and it’s also… Harry’s bustling desire for knowledge, and Harry lashing out when he didn’t have the knowledge – lashing out in this case means going to the Ministry – is what Dumbledore is trying to excuse by saying, “My bad; I’ve forgotten that young people want to know things.” No, everybody wants to know things, right? If you have the answer, it’s your duty to provide… it seems like Dumbledore wants to excuse a bunch of stuff with “Old men forget what it is to be young.” I don’t know that lands for me.

Laura: This is a line… I don’t know that I necessarily buy Dumbledore’s logic here, because he’s smarter than this, but this is a line that has honestly stuck with me for the last 20 plus years of being a Harry Potter fan…

Eric: It’s a good one.

Laura: … and it’s something that I try to remember, because I’m closer to 40 than I am to 20 at this point, and I think sometimes it can be really tempting to look at younger people and maybe judge their trends, or the things that they’re interested in, or the way that they might approach things, and anytime I feel that inclination come up – because it’s natural to feel that way – I often find myself thinking about this line specifically, and being like, “I don’t want to be that person who forgets what it was like to be young,” and to understand all of the limitations, but also all the opportunities that come with that.

Eric: Man, yeah.

Micah: And what ensues is that Dumbledore goes into explaining to Harry why he chose not to disseminate the information after his first year, after his second year, after his third year, after his fourth year… and to me, this goes to the earlier point about just Dumbledore being humanized in this chapter. And my issue is that while he arguably did the right thing in those first four years, you could argue, Dumbledore runs from the situation when the moment was ripe to tell Harry the truth, and to me, that was at the beginning of year five. Giving him not even all the information, but enough of the information. And I know I called him a man baby earlier – 150-year-old man baby – but think about how he behaves. He’s so afraid of being watched – and he does a lot of watching, by the way; he says as much in this chapter – but he’s so afraid of being watched by Voldemort that he puts Harry through hell this year. I mean, he behaves like a 2-year-old with a temper tantrum, like, “Don’t look at me! Don’t look at me!” He runs out of the courtroom. There are all these moments where you say to yourself, “Are you this wisened old Yoda/Gandalf type figure, or are you another teenager at Hogwarts?”

Laura: Well, and I think this is where the “greater good” mentality still comes in for Dumbledore, even though he doesn’t necessarily hold all the same views that he did when he was young and when he was so infatuated with Grindelwald. But you can definitely see that there is an element here of Dumbledore thinking about the entire chess board, if you will, and saying, “I know what’s best for our world,” right?

Andrew and Micah: Yeah.

Eric: Well, and to that point, it’s worth pointing out that the only reason Harry gets many of the answers at all in the entire series is because Harry happens to be at the boathouse right as Snape is bleeding out, and… because this is a flaw with Dumbledore as a person that actually never gets resolved. Dumbledore is not telling Harry stuff.

Micah: The Shrieking Shack.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That’s not the boathouse? Oh, I movie-ismed it. I’m sorry. Thank you, Micah.

Andrew: It’s okay; I prefer the boathouse, personally.

Eric: I appreciate… yeah, it’s nice because the glass and the…

Andrew: Yeah, the water.

Micah: Anyway.

Eric: Wherever Snape is dead, Harry is present…

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: … and it’s the only reason that Harry knows anything, because Dumbledore’s flaw is not telling Harry stuff, and it’s a flaw that never gets resolved. The only reason Harry knows anything about Snape and his love for Lily – and what saved him, and who the silver doe was, and the whole fact that he’s got to be willing to walk into the forest – all of this stuff comes from Snape’s memories, and there was never, at any point in Deathly Hallows, a time when Harry could have retrieved these memories until the last possible second. And so it’s reckless of Dumbledore to further not… to keep, after this moment, still not telling Harry stuff, because there’s such a small chance he’s ever going to get that stuff, unless Dumbledore is open.

Andrew: Yeah. I know we like to avoid this point because it’s not helpful for analysis sake, but the way it plays out in the story is beautiful. It is amazing that Harry gets these from Snape’s memories, and Snape provides them at the last minute. And yes, the timing’s convenient, and Dumbledore shouldn’t have waited so long, and it’s lucky that it worked out this way, but the way it does play out is beautiful.

Laura: I don’t know; I just have to observe the ultimate irony that it’s Snape who gives Harry what he wanted from Dumbledore the entire time.

Andrew: [laughs] Snape, who Harry thought has been the enemy this entire time, is actually incredibly helpful.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: Well, there’s something else about Snape that Dumbledore is not telling Harry, but we’re going to talk about what Dumbledore is not telling Harry on the second part of this discussion. I also just want to ask here, because there’s this moment where Dumbledore closes his eyes and he buries his face in his long-figured hands; Harry watches him. “This uncharacteristic sign of exhaustion, or sadness, or whatever it was from Dumbledore, did not soften him. On the contrary, he felt even angrier that Dumbledore was showing signs of weakness. He had no business being weak when Harry wanted to rage and storm at him.” And now I’m thinking, is this an additional tactic so that Harry calms down? Because if he sees how gosh darn old this guy in front of him looks – all 150 years of him are on his face right now – is Harry less likely to attack? The reason I ask if this is an act on Dumbledore’s part is because he was just fighting Voldemort! He was so spry and was doing magic like we’ve never seen and didn’t… there’s not a scratch on Dumbledore from Voldemort at full power, facing off against him, and yet here, when he’s in his office and Harry is raging at him, he’s like, “I’m so tired right now.” [laughs] I think it’s an act.

Andrew: Oh, no. I think Dumbledore is not just physically tired, but mentally exhausted. He’s been trying to do his best, like I was saying earlier. Nobody could have predicted that the situation would play out exactly how it did. You couldn’t predict how it would play out. Voldemort is a pretty unpredictable person; there are a lot of variables at play. It’s just… I think Dumbledore is just… he wanted to win, and he’s not winning right now, and it’s exhausting. He’s trying his best. He’s trying his best, y’all! Can’t you give him credit for that?

[Micah laughs]

Laura: Yeah. What does Miley Cyrus always say?

Andrew: “Everybody has those days”?

Laura: Oh, I thought…

Andrew: “It’s the climb”? “I can’t be tamed”?

Laura: I thought the other one was named “Nobody’s Perfect”?

Andrew: “Nobody’s Perfect”!

Laura: I feel like the… yeah, there you go.

Andrew: See, I get confused because that was technically Hannah Montana, but I’ll allow it.

Laura: Oh, oh, sorry. Well, have you ever seen Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus in the same room?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: I’m just saying.

Micah: I feel like, Andrew, you’re going to be shocked, because I agree with you. I don’t even think this is weakness; I think it’s just…

Andrew: No.

Micah: It’s pure and utter exhaustion, and it’s him demonstrating his emotion and how he feels about Harry and everything that has transpired over the course of these last several years, and it’s all culminated in this moment. And I do think there’s something to the fact that he just fought Voldemort.

Andrew: Yeah!

Micah: Voldemort is no pushover.

Andrew: And Voldemort just possessed Harry! I mean…

Eric: I think it’s convenient exhaustion. He was on it with Fudge; he had to set the whole wizarding world straight! Now he comes back to his office and he’s tired? Come on. Give Harry the time he needs.

Micah: You know what wore him out? Talking to Kreacher. That’s what tired Dumbledore. That whole conversation he had to put up talking…

Eric: With Fudge?

Micah: No, Kreacher.

Eric: Oh.

Micah: You mentioned the other creature; I’m talking about the house-elf. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah. So it’s interesting. But moving on to the whole “I’m going to tell you everything,” here’s the quote: “Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses. ‘It is time,’ he said, ‘for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please sit down. I’m going to tell you everything. I ask only a little patience.'” What I have to say about an overview of what Dumbledore tells Harry is that it does very nicely tie up a lot of the Book 5-specific plot things, right? We find out everything there was to know about exactly who found out the information about the prophecy, when it was conveyed, what Harry’s visions have meant. There’s a lot of… there’s answers. There are answers. And where it falls short, I think, as we’ve been alluding to all episode, is the either half-truths or continued omissions of some of the more series-relevant stuff, the bigger picture things. And so what I want to know – because even though we get a lot of these answers to Book 5, and Dumbledore talking to Kreacher and all that stuff – I think there was another missed opportunity for Dumbledore to actually thank Harry for starting Dumbledore’s Army, or talking about how Harry’s own resistance helped them get to the moment that they’re at. For a man that is allergic to talking about how he cares about Harry, he nevertheless could have said, “Good job,” or praised him, because I think that Harry would have really responded to it if Dumbledore had talked about how “We’re such a good team,” or how “Your efforts this year, apart from losing Sirius, they weren’t all in vain, because you did such great work.” Something… I guess that’s what I want out of this conversation.

Laura: I think that maybe he’s steering clear of talking about Dumbledore’s Army, just because that’s ultimately what got Dumbledore sacked from Hogwarts, and that’s what really let the poo hit the fan.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: You think he’s still sore about it? Or just that… yeah.

Laura: I don’t know that he’s sore about it, but I also don’t think that Dumbledore would necessarily want to bring that up right now, because it’s another in a series of events that ultimately led us to where we are now. And granted, a lot of that is Dumbledore’s fault, and some of it, you could argue, is Harry’s fault, but that’s more so due to the fact that Harry was operating with incomplete information, right? And so maybe he’s trying to avoid bringing that up because Harry doesn’t need something else to feel guilty about. Does that make sense?

Andrew: That’s what I was thinking, too. Harry’s got enough on his plate right now; I think Dumbledore’s Army is ultimately not the most relevant thing to… yeah, he doesn’t need to load more on him. He’s already ready to snap even further. You don’t need to push him.

Micah: And Laura, I know you mentioned Ariana earlier. I think a lot of Dumbledore’s behavior in his conversation to Harry is informed by what happened to his sister, or I would even maybe extend it further than that to say that a lot of his behavior since Harry was left on the Dursleys’ doorstep was probably informed by what happened to his sister. Because as this relationship between him and Harry grow, he talks about caring for him, loving him, and we know that the closest person to him outside of his brother was his sister, who adored him, and he holds himself fully responsible for what ultimately happens to her, and I think he might be afraid of the same thing happening to Harry, somebody else who he deeply cares for.

Eric: I love this. Taking that view, it actually makes a lot of sense why Dumbledore isn’t even getting close to touching how he feels about Harry. He’ll mention, “Oh, I care for you,” but because his… he must still feel the loss of Ariana so much that he can’t think about losing Harry, even though he knows Harry has to attack Voldemort in the end.

Micah: Right.

Eric: He’s never going to tell him this. This is why it’s not Dumbledore that tells Harry this to begin with; it’s the overheard memory in the end.

Micah: I think there’s this internal struggle for Dumbledore between being the chess master and being this grandfatherly figure, and he can’t figure out the middle ground.

Eric: I like it. But as a wrapping-up, when Harry…

Micah: Is Trelawney here? [laughs]

Eric: Oh, yeah. Well, we’re going to talk about the prophecy in a minute, but actually, when Harry asks the qualifying question of, “So sir, one of us must kill the other?” Dumbledore is like, “Yeah. And also, by the way, I bet you’re wondering why I didn’t make you a prefect.” And then the chapter ends, and I’m like, “Oh, Dumbledore doesn’t want to talk anymore.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: This is 100%… he doesn’t want to get into any more detail about it; he just cracks a joke.

Micah: I think it was just supposed to be a light way to end the chapter. Just think about how the previous chapter ended and just how heavy this chapter was.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: I’ll be honest; I didn’t like it.

Laura: Oh!

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: It felt out of place. It was irrelevant. It wasn’t funny. Dumbledore can be funny, quirky…

Eric: Because we as readers are so absorbed.

Andrew: Yeah, it just… didn’t like it. He should have said something else. I love a Dumbledore joke, but it wasn’t working for me.

Micah: [laughs] Maybe just not even include it. End it with Harry asking the question about whether or not they had to kill each other, and that’s it.

Eric: And Dumbledore is just like, “Goodnight, Harry.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Or just be like, “Hey, you gonna pay for any of those things you just destroyed in my office?” I don’t know. “Actually, I was just kidding that I have too much stuff. That was a lot of valuables you threw away, or broke.”

Eric: This would be the perfect moment for the Michael Gambon Dumbledore “Goodnight.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, leave it at that.

Laura: But imagine how powerful it would have been if we’d had this moment where Harry is like, “Wait, so one of us has to kill the other?” and if we had just gotten the chapter wrap with the single tear rolling down Dumbledore’s cheek.

Eric: Ohhh.

Laura: I think that would have hit so much harder.

Eric: Let’s talk about the prophecy! We do get the full text of it. Turns out the prophecy was made to Dumbledore, and Dumbledore’s memory is not that of a 150-year-old man; it’s much better. The best prophecies are self-fulfilling, right? Where it’s like somebody tries to stop it, and you can only… you can’t do it and ends up putting things in motion.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: So I love this whole “Voldemort will mark him as his equal,” and it turns out there were two. This prophecy and the whole circumstance around it is nuanced enough to be really interesting. And the whole series… the bedrock of the series is pretty much the way that Voldemort chose… he only heard half the prophecy, which is clever, and he chose to act on it in a very specific way that Dumbledore points out. So I just find it very interesting. It’s always like… reading this chapter, I’m like, “Oh yeah, what might we infer about Voldemort’s overall character based on his choice to go after the half-blood and not the pure-blood?” and all that stuff. So I don’t know. I’m just always interested to read this.

Laura: Yeah. I mean, he’s deeply insecure, and his interpretation of this prophecy was really to view it as a mirror, right?

Andrew: I will say that when Dumbledore is talking about refilling the position of Divination, he indicates he was skeptical…

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Andrew: … and he was thinking about not even hiring, filling the role? And this was a weird thing for him to include. It feels ultimately irrelevant. Why even add that to what you’re telling Harry?

Eric: Yeah, is he trying to play on Harry’s…? “Oh yeah, Divination is kind of a crap subject.”

Andrew: “It’s stupid, right? I wasn’t going to refill the role, but then this woman walks in and screams at me…” [laughs]

Eric: “I wasn’t even going to take this interview!” Yeah, no, it’s a good question, because what is his point in saying that? Ultimately, he did take the… he knew Trelawney’s blood history, and he does ultimately take the interview, so what does he have to gain by telling Harry? “I wasn’t even going to refill that position.”

Andrew: Yeah, it just ultimately felt irrelevant to the story that he was telling.

Eric: There’s so much secrecy surrounding this whole encounter. He doesn’t say who interrupts, who overhears the prophecy; it was Snape. He doesn’t talk about the barman at all, who’s his brother. And he actually – we talked about this on 474, and there’s a great paragraph about it; you can check out the transcript – but Dumbledore completely puts the location on Trelawney. He says Trelawney chooses the Hog’s Head because it’s cheap. That didn’t happen; I’m sure Dumbledore wanted to meet Sybill here because of his brother. So I don’t know. It just raises more questions than answers, him bringing up that part, to your point, Andrew.

Laura: I don’t know if he was just trying to be real with Harry.

Eric: It’s time to be real, everybody.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Real talk zone.

Laura: Yeah. You know, like trying to relate to him in so far as, “Yeah, we both know she’s a fraud. Let me tell you why she’s actually here.”

Eric: It’s kind of a cool reveal.

Micah: And this is not the first prophecy that we’ve heard from Trelawney.

Laura: Right.

Micah: As we’ve been connecting threads between Order of the Phoenix and Prisoner of Azkaban, we heard… and Harry actually recounts this in the chapter, that he had heard this voice before, and it was back in Book 3 when Trelawney made the prophecy about Wormtail returning to Voldemort, and so we continue to see these nice little nuggets, nice little threads that we are able to connect.


Superlative of the Week


Eric: We’ve talked a lot about Dumbledore; it was warranted because the chapter… Dumbledore has not been in this book, so here it is. The MVP segment for this episode is going to be what is the most damning Dumbledore quote? Which one makes him the most kind of bad, actually?

Andrew: So the one I wanted to share is actually one we were talking about a few minutes ago. Laura, I love that you said it’s stuck with you over the last 20 plus years. This is the one line I had highlighted in the ebook while reading this chapter: “Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young… and I seem to have forgotten that lately.” It was powerful. Hindsight is 20/20.

Eric: What makes that quote damning?

Andrew: Well, it was damning in that, like, “Wow, it’s some real talk from him.”

Eric: Yeah, yeah. No, I can get behind that. And it’s damn cool. Here’s what I’m going to say, and this is out of context, kind of. It’s, “What did I care if numbers of nameless and faceless people and creatures were slaughtered in the vague future, if in the here and now you were alive and well and happy?” Who talks like that? [laughs] But it’s a compliment. Harry is going to love to hear this, right, that “I cared for your happiness,” but you could just say that. Instead he says, “All these people are going to get slaughtered, and it’s going to be fine.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: Okay?

Micah: Including him. The one that stood out to me was when Dumbledore said, “I defy anyone who has watched you as I have – and I have watched you more closely than you can have imagined.” Uh, stranger danger?

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: I mean, what? What this also makes me wonder is, especially throughout Order of the Phoenix after Dumbledore has left, how closely is he watching Harry? Could he have intervened at another point?

Eric: Oooh.

Micah: And maybe even looking back at other books, were there moments where he could have stepped in? He is admitting here to keeping a really close eye on Harry.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: What about last year with the Triwizard Tournament?

Andrew: Yeah, were you watching then?

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Then there wouldn’t be a question of “Didya put your name in the arrraarrrghhhh?!”

Laura: [laughs] I’m also thinking about, like, Chamber of Secrets. Where were ya?

Andrew: “You liar!”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Hey, we’re going to get to that!

Laura: My selection here was, “I thought Professor Snape could overcome his feelings about your father.” I call BS on that.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: There is no way you thought that he was going to be able to overcome that. Just a few books ago, at the end of Sorcerer’s Stone, you were telling Harry that his father did something to Snape that Snape could never forgive, and that was saving his life. You knew, you absolutely knew, that there was no way Snape was going to be an objective party in any of this. And I think he’s just projecting the level of maturity that maybe he would have in that circumstance – or that he thinks he would have – onto Snape, and it’s not reality.

Micah: We didn’t talk about this much, but this is one of the major missteps that Dumbledore has in this book, by assigning Snape to teach Harry Occlumency.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Micah: He knows the history, as Laura just pointed out, and the fact that he allows Snape to… and the fact that he corrects Harry to “Professor Snape”; that’s where…

Andrew: [laughs] That was silly, too.

Eric: It’s real talk time!

Andrew: There’s multiple weird moments from Dumbledore in this chapter. [laughs]

Micah: Yeah, if I were Harry in that moment, I don’t know what I would have said after that.

Andrew: Slap him?

Micah: Yeah. Pull his beard. I don’t know.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Greasy Snape. Snivellus.

Andrew: I will say, though, I think we have discussed this a little bit in prior Chapter by Chapters this series, about how bad of an idea it was for Dumbledore to appoint Snape into this role. So the Dumbledore Lie Count returns?

Eric: Yes, yes! You alluded to the sound effect for this. But it turns out we used to do a segment called the Dumbledore Lie Count on this show, and we had to stop because Dumbledore is not in this book, until now, so great. And at last count, Dumbledore had lied about 12 times, or actually we hit 13. So we last stopped on 642 at 12, and then there’s another one that was added in 706. So we’ve been toying with the idea of returning to Lie Count, but here we are about to add more. So the lie that I have is the one… it’s a lie of omission about the spy at the door to the Hog’s Head. So Harry, in this chapter – we just mentioned this – “Snape,” “Professor Snape,” “Yeah, him, whatever.” This whole moment where Dumbledore is revealing this crucial-most point about the prophecy completely glosses over that it was Snape who overheard. And I understand why Dumbledore wouldn’t want to get completely down this tangent, but it’s an example of Dumbledore conveniently sweeping very important plot details way under the rug, and Harry is none the wiser for it. So I think this is damning enough to add to the Lie Count. This would be number 14.

[Dumbledore Lie Count sound effect plays]

Andrew: Ding!

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: You know what? Let’s do one more. And I mentioned this earlier…

Andrew: Oh no.

Eric: … but Dumbledore says it was Trelawney that chose the venue, and I don’t think that’s possible.

[Dumbledore Lie Count sound effect plays]

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: The Lie Count is now at 15.

Laura: Well, just wait until we get to The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore.

Andrew: Augh.


Lynx Line


Eric: Okay, well, we asked… this is a great Lynx Line; I’m very happy with the Lynx Line this week that we’re going to talk about, because we have talked about on the show how withholding information nearly cost Dumbledore the whole ball game. So we asked over on our Patreon: At what moment in the series should Dumbledore actually have told Harry everything?

Andrew: Everything. All right, well, Rachel said,

“I think Dumbledore could have told Harry about the prophecy at the end of Sorcerer’s Stone when Harry asks why Voldemort wanted to kill him. News that Horcruxes exist and Voldemort has made some could come in Chamber of Secrets when Harry destroys the diary. He can learn that he is a Horcrux in Half-Blood Prince when they’re determining what all the Horcruxes are. I’m now debating whether Dumbledore should have told Harry about the Hallows. Are we including that in ‘everything’? If so, I’d say Half-Blood Prince.”

Yeah, that could be included. So everything shifts a few years. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, yeah. At least that generates, I think, a habit for Dumbledore. If his problem is never giving up crucial detail to Harry, which is a strategic problem, then it makes sense that he would start the habit of telling Harry about one crazy true thing every year. Steph on the Lynx Line says,

“Had Dumbledore been more honest with Harry, he may not have been so compelled to figure everything out and handle it on his own. Had the info about prophecies been shared, Harry could have used logic and critical thinking in a more successful way rather than being a loose cannon and constant liability. If Trelawney’s second prophecy wasn’t enough of a good time, the Quidditch World Cup should have been the time to release key details. Had it happened in Prisoner of Azkaban, I’m not sure we would have Sirius Black’s character built in the same way, but it might also not have cost Sirius his life.”

So I guess general feelings for Book 3 and Book 4 there. Get more details.

Micah: Zachary said,

“Dumbledore should’ve broken the ice right after Prisoner of Azkaban. Harry just witnessed the confession of Peter Pettigrew and helped spring his godfather from the clink. Having some knowledge of the ever-looming threat would’ve sharpened his focus on Defense Against the Dark Arts even more. When they realized the cup in Goblet of Fire was a Portkey, he may have been able to anticipate what’s next, and could’ve possibly saved Cedric as well as postpone the return. I do believe the remaining weight of it all should’ve been told during the summer between years four and five.”

Laura: Brandy says,

“I want to say Book 1 as an answer to Harry’s question, and it could have been done in an age-appropriate way, then each year the reason could be added to. If first year is too young, then after Harry’s name comes out of the Goblet. Both Snape and Dumbledore are going to know he didn’t put his name in the Goblet, nor asked someone else to. This would give some reason to why it happened, and it may have made Harry weary of people. But barring either of those two answers, it should have been revealed when Harry first comes to headquarters in Order of the Phoenix. Then he would have context to what was happening, and, ‘fingers crossed,’ seek out an adult.”

Yeah, I think it’s a great point.

Andrew: John said, “At the start of Book 5 after Harry processed the death of Cedric and Dumbledore researched everything.” Yeah, he was owed more information then.

Eric: Yeah, I’d agree with that. Billy also agrees:

“In the summer between four and five. Harry needed some time to process everything that happened at the end of the tournament, but it would have solved so many things for him to know what’s going on before the Dementors appeared in Little Whinging.”

Micah: And Ning Xi says they also agree.

“I think he should’ve done it at the start of Order of the Phoenix. Give it some time for the events of Goblet of Fire to settle and prepare him for what’s ahead. I’m pretty sure Dumbledore could have found some way around Voldemort and Harry’s link. I think Harry could’ve worked harder at Occulmency if he had more context than in the book.”

Laura: Totally. Darin says,

“It really should have been right after the end of Task 3 for the Triwizard Tournament. With Voldemort having returned, Dumbledore knew that he would want to know the prophecy in its entirety. Instead, he let Harry stew all summer, making things much worse all around.”

Andrew: Sherry said,

“I’d say at the end of fourth year, when Riddle has gotten a body. First and second year, Harry was probably too young to hear the prophecy, but once Riddle was back, it was just about criminal for Dumbledore to keep the truth from him. This maniac gets him into a dangerous tournament, kidnaps him, tortures him, and yet the one who knows why doesn’t bother to tell Harry. It’s not right.”

Eric: I’ll tell you what, though; here is a complete alternate opinion to the ones we’ve so far shared. AJ says,

“I vote ‘no change’ on Dumbledore’s cadence of sharing. It’s a crucial part of showing us there is no perfect authority out there to rely on. Besides, the Dumbledore in Harry’s head at King’s Cross is the wisest Dumbledore in the book anyway. Cryptic hints from Snape would have been interesting additions.”

Okay. No change!

Micah: Barry says,

“I kind of think the way Dumbledore didn’t share everything until Harry sees it in Snape’s memories and talks to imagination Dumbledore at the end of Book 7 was the move, because it kept Harry motivated to find the Horcruxes and carry out the mission. BUT, if I had to change it, perhaps having Hermione figure it out in Book 7 and giving her theory to Harry when they were camping would have been cool, and he could have started thinking about it sooner. Maybe it could have been hidden in the rune book Dumbledore gave her, or she just pieced it together herself.”

Eric: Ooh, I like the idea of Dumbledore giving Hermione a quest.

Laura: And I mean, per usual, Harry would just be like, “No, Hermione, that’s stupid.” [laughs] I mean, we’re about to see him do that in Half-Blood Prince. And then Catherine says,

“As a parent, I empathize with Dumbledore. I think my answers before being a parent and after would be vastly different. I agree with Dumbledore that at 11, Harry was too young to understand the gravity of what he would be expected to do. Learning you would need to die, but only at the opportune moment, would be incredibly traumatizing for a child. And in subsequent years when dealing with the witnessed death of Cedric and Sirius, I would have feared overwhelming Harry. There is no ‘good’ moment to tell Harry everything, but probably the ‘best’ moment would have been after Cedric’s death. It’s possible more information could have prevented Sirius’s death, and Dumbledore could have created a small amount of hope out of a horrible situation by telling Harry his suspicions about the implications of using Harry’s blood in Voldemort’s rebirth.”

Andrew: It was a great question to ask, and great answers, everyone. Thank you so much.

Laura: Thanks, y’all.

Andrew: The Lynx Line is a great way to have your voice heard on the show, whether or not you’re listening live. We ask a new question every week, and we invite you to become a member of our community by visiting Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledging. Don’t forget, if you pledge at the Slug Club level, you will be eligible to receive this year’s physical gift, so this is the best time to become a member. Patreon.com/MuggleCast; pledge at the Slug Club level, and we will get the yearbook out to you in the fall. If you have feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, and next week, we’ll discuss Chapter 38 of Book 5, “The Second War Begins.” Don’t forget to visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all the information that we share today; our social media channels you can also find links to, our contact form, all of that. And if you’re looking for more podcasting from the four of us, listen to our other shows, Millennial and What the Hype?!, for more pop culture and real world talk.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for everyone’s favorite game show, Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question was: In this chapter, the statues of the Fountain of Magical Brethren spring to life to help save the day, but in the summer of 1985, widespread panic occurred when statues in County Cork, Ireland began to seemingly move on their own. What were those statues of? The correct answer is that these were known as the Marion Statues; they’re of the Virgin Mary, and there were a few others said to move that were of other saints or holy figures. Only 12% of people with the correct answer say they didn’t look it up, so that was a hard one. Don’t worry; this next one’s a little bit easier. But here are this week’s winners: Can Any Geezer Portkey to Hogwarts?; DobbyIsFree; Don’t turn your back, don’t look away, and don’t blink!; Don’t blink, blink and you’re dead; Elizabeth K.; Gryffinpuff from Sweden; I Love September for Many Reasons but Mostly Cause I’m Getting Married; Jugson, the forgotten Death Eater from Chapter 36; Laura’s personal Umbrella Academy heckler; Lynn the Allomancer; Saint-like Bort Voldemort; The Angels have the Phone Box; and of course, our friend, Tofu Tom. Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: In this chapter, Harry smashes a number of Dumbledore’s silver trinkets. Speaking of small silver things, the original player tokens for Parker Brothers’ bestselling Monopoly board game were the battleship, the boot, a cannon, thimble, top hat, and iron. Later, a dog was added. Here’s the question: What breed of dog is the dog token in Monopoly? Any dog lovers should know this.

Micah: Aww, it’s a nice tribute to Sirius.

Eric: I’m glad you caught that. Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or if you’re on our website – maybe checking out transcripts or must-listens and all that – just click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: We’re about to record a new bonus MuggleCast, and we’ll be looking at what could a Harry Potter hotel in the Muggle world look like? An all-inclusive, immersive experience. What would that look like, if Universal were to put that together? We’ve got some plans, and we’re going to have fun discussing that over on our Patreon this week, so don’t miss that bonus MuggleCast. We record two bonus episodes every month. Thanks, everyone, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everyone!

Eric, Laura, and Micha: Bye.

Transcript #718

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #718, Bella! My Loca! (OOTP Chapter 36, The Only One He Ever Feared)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And the four of us are your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books and the movies and the upcoming TV show, so make sure you press that follow button in your favorite podcast app, and that way you’ll never miss an episode with your Potter people. And this week, we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 36, “The Only One He Ever Feared.” That would be Albus Dumbledore, thank you very much.


News


Andrew: I mentioned the TV show; we do have a bit of a update there. The Harry Potter TV show has revealed who will be playing some of the Weasley family. Tristan Harland is going to play Fred Weasley, Gabriel Harland is going to play George Weasley, Ruari Spooner is Percy, and Gracie Cochrane is Ginny. Any thoughts on these? We got a cute selfie of them with the actor who’s playing Ron, who is Alistair Stout. They’re all redheads.

Eric: They’re very cute. They look like a family; I’m glad to see a picture of them bonding. I’ve seen comments that are like, “This is exactly how I picture them in my head in the books,” and it’s really nice. What I loved about this the most, though, is that Chris Rankin had a really sweet story mention of this, where he talked about it being 25 years since his casting, and that yesterday… these other Weasleys, another Percy was cast, and he said, “So the baton is passed,” and that was really lovely.

Andrew: Oh, that is sweet.

Micah: It is great to see the Weasley family starting to come together; I know we got the casting from Molly not that long ago. But we’re still lacking a few of the Weasley clan: Charlie, Bill, Arthur. I know none of them really make an appearance till, earliest, Chamber of Secrets, but given that we got some characters already confirmed that are in Chamber of Secrets, like Malfoy and Fudge, can we expect an Arthur casting in the not-too-distant future?

Eric: Oooh.

Andrew: I imagine all these people are already cast, because they have to screen test against one another and all that.

Eric: Right.

Andrew: And they’ve got a lot of people to reveal, so I think they’re kind of just taking their time. My theory as to why they released these Weasley castings now is maybe they are going to be filming some public King’s Cross scenes in the weeks ahead, and maybe they want to get out ahead of that. That’s my best guess, though.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, they’re going to have to do Charlie for the first season, are they not?

Eric: Well, his friends show up, right? But not…

Laura: Oh, that’s right. It’s not him; it’s his friends.

Eric: I want the casting announcement for Charlie’s friends from Romania.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Give it now! I’ve been waiting!

Andrew: Everybody but Charlie.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Eric, I wanted to ask: Who do we think is going to be the first cast member that we get that…?

Eric: Arrested for marijuana use? Sorry, that’s so funny.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: That did not appear in the Harry Potter movies. Which character are we going to get?

Eric: Ooh, this is something we could put money on.

Micah: We could.

Andrew: Yeah, put some Galleons on it.

Eric: It should be Peeves, but I’m not betting on Peeves.

Micah: And did we get a Piers Polkiss in Sorcerer’s Stone?

Eric: Well, no, but there have been… that may already be… because I’ve seen him in promo or behind-the-scenes photos.

Micah: Yeah, who do we get officially, though? Not just in paparazzi photos. Yeah, we should maybe think about putting some Galleons down on that.

Eric: Interesting.

Andrew: That could be a good bonus MuggleCast. So what characters from the books that didn’t make it into the movies are going to first come into… going to be officially announced for the TV show? That’s the question?

Micah: Yep.

Andrew: Okay. Ludo. No, that’s too late.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: That’s too far.

Eric: That’s way too late, yeah.

Andrew: That’s years from now. [laughs] Peeves is a good guess.

Eric: Yeah, if they have the courage.

Andrew: Well, we can think of that. Maybe do a bonus MuggleCast around it or something.

Eric: That’d be interesting.

Andrew: But yeah, those are the latest developments there. Cute photo of the gang, like Eric said. And stay tuned, and we’ll be covering the TV show as things develop. Before we get to Chapter by Chapter, we want to remind everybody that this year’s physical gift exclusively for Slug Club patrons is here. It’s the MuggleCast 20th anniversary retrospective yearbook. This is a real book featuring writing by each of the four hosts, telling the story of the podcast across these last 20 years. We have lots of behind-the-scenes looks at the show across these two decades, including tons of original writing and never-before-seen photos. It’s a treasure trove of archival material. This is a really special gift; we’ve never put a book together, so that’s been really exciting. We wanted to do something really special for this milestone achievement, and so we’ve put a ton of time into creating something that we really think you’ll enjoy flipping through and cherishing for the next 20 years. And since this is a yearbook, we will also be sending you a book plate that is hand-signed by all four of us, and then you could take this and place it wherever you want in the yearbook. Recently, Eric showed us at a recent meeting the Jamie’s British Jokes page. It has every single Jamie’s British Joke of the Week in it, and it’s really cool. [laughs] It’s just… there’s little touches like that across the yearbook y’all are really going to like. This is a gift that goes out to Slug Club patrons, and we send you a new physical gift every year, so go to Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledge at the Slug Club level to receive the yearbook. The deadline to pledge to receive the yearbook is September 15, and we will be off next week because of the Labor Day holiday, so don’t delay; jump in now. Join the Patreon now. And – and and and – as everybody knows, to celebrate our 20th anniversary, for the whole month of August we are also offering a 20% discount off an annual subscription to our Patreon. We have never offered a discount this large before. This offer ends at the end of August, so please don’t delay. Go to Patreon.com/MuggleCast. Pledge now. You can use the promo code “20YEARS” at checkout. Also, by default, the discount should be 20%, so you don’t even have to worry about the promo code.

Eric: Andrew, since you mentioned the joke compendium, let’s tell a British joke. How do you feel about that?

Andrew: Oh, do you have one ready for us?

Eric: I have one ready for you. What is the most common owl in Britain?

Andrew: Uh… an, uh…

Micah: You have to at least say it in a British accent.

Eric: I can’t.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Eric: It already exists in a British accent, and I couldn’t possibly top it.

Micah: We should have played it. We should have clipped it.

Eric: Okay, I didn’t get the clips!

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I just pulled the transcript words, Micah. Geez, heckling me. The most common owl in Britain is a teat-owl, as in a tea towel.

Andrew: Huh.

[Micah groans]

Andrew: Is that one going to be included in the yearbook? I think we need to cut that.

Eric: They were all that bad.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: And that one’s definitely in the yearbook, yeah. It’s basically the most British joke ever. But they’re all in there. There are 60 jokes that were told.

Andrew: Patrons who receive the yearbook, maybe you should go through each one and kind of rate them on a scale of one to five stars, and then let us know.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Send a picture.

Laura: There we go.

Eric: Yeah, we won’t spoil it, but the pages are very recognizable in the yearbook, so you could also read just one a day to improve your mental health, or keep the bookmark in there or something; just open to it whenever you want… it’s going to be a good opportunity.

Laura: We can pass the ratings on to Jamie 20 years later.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Hurt his feelings on some of them.

Eric: “Here’s what people think of all your awful jokes.”

Laura: “We stack-ranked your British jokes.”

Eric: Oh, man.

Andrew: [imitating Jamie] “Ouch, mate. You didn’t like my jokes?”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Patreon.com/MuggleCast. Please don’t delay; this is the time to become a patron, and you get tons of other benefits, too, besides the physical gift. We do a lot on our Patreon.

Eric: We do.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: Time for Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 36, “The Only One He Ever Feared.”

Eric: We last discussed this chapter on MuggleCast 473, which is called “Dumbledore v. Voldemort.” Sounds like a court case. That was released July 14, 2020.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 473.

Andrew: This was also a tearjerker moment, though, just reading this line from Neville: ‘Harry… I’b really sorry… Was dat man – was Sirius Black a – a friend of yours?” [cries]

Micah: “Was that the man that stole the password list from me back in year three?”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: “That bastard! I’m glad he’s gone!”

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: “Broke into Gryffindor tower and scared the crap out of all of us?”

Andrew: “How could he be a friend of yours?”

[Eric laughs]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Laura: Wow. Well, what a setup for the start of this chapter where Harry comes to the horrific realization that Sirius really ain’t coming out from behind that curtain. He is well and truly dead, as they say. And because of this, Harry immediately decides to bolt after Bellatrix, yelling that he’s going to kill her, and something that really stuck out to me about this first sequence was Harry ran into the rotunda room trying to chase her. She had already gone through a door, and the room had already spun around and reset itself, and Harry, in desperation, just yells out, “What’s the way out?” And the door to the atrium just popped open.

Eric: Huh.

Andrew: “This way! This way! This way!”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: So could they have done this the entire time?

Eric: [sighs] Maybe it’s only for the exit, right? Because you feel like you go into a government building, you’re on your way to traffic court or something, oops, wrong turn, Department of Mysteries…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: “Where’s the exit? How do I…?” The second you close the door, the room rotates. You’re like, “Oh, God.”

Andrew: Yeah, if you already figured out your way in, they should throw you a bone and let you get out easily enough.

Eric: Maybe that’s it. But like you said, we didn’t… there was no indication that this was a voice-activated room the first time.

Laura: Right.

Eric: And there’s also this indicator that… or situation where they didn’t exactly know the name of the room they were going to because they didn’t know it was the Hall of Prophecy. They knew there were a lot of glass orbs, or a room of shiny things. I think Harry is literally like, “We’re looking for the room with shiny things.” So if it is voice-activated in the rotunda, they wouldn’t have been able to ask, “Can you show us the Hall of Prophecy?” to even test this theory.

Laura: Right, but I guess I’m thinking could Harry have tried to say, “Where’s Sirius?” And obviously it wouldn’t have worked, because Sirius wasn’t there…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: No, you would hear a game show [makes a buzzing sound] kind of thing play and then…

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, or it would have been like, “Run. Turn around. Run. He’s not here. Run.”

Eric: Aww.

Micah: I do like the idea that for security purposes, you can get out if you need to, especially in a place like the Department of Mysteries, where presumably you’re not supposed to be there unless you have the appropriate credentials, and Dumbledore’s Army certainly is not a group that has the appropriate credentials to be there. So I do like that idea that if you need to get out, the Department of Mysteries will let you out.

Andrew: Yeah, they don’t want you stuck in there. Why would they want you stuck in there?

Eric: It’s like how you summon the Knight Bus is you just throw your wand arm up. It seems very user friendly for those situations where you’re really in it as a wizard. But the alternative here… because if the room is not wired to do this, then Harry is using some kind of special magic without realizing that he’s using very special magic. He’s frustrated; he’s gone through, I think, pretty much all of the emotions, and he says, “Where’s the exit?” That’s obviously not the incantation to open the door, but we’ve seen this before, where in high stress, wizards can produce an effect that they desire, so the “Where’s the exit?” is just something he says, while his body, or his willpower, his sheer force of will, is forcing open the correct door. I like that too.

Laura: Yeah. I will say I’m coming around to this idea that this is a feature of this room.

Andrew: I think we’ve figured this out.

Laura: It feels very forward-thinking, which I’m just not used to from…

Micah: From us?

Laura: … wizarding bureaucracy.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: No, that’s fair, but I bet a thousand people got trapped in there before they added that feature.

Laura: Yeah, they all fell through the veil.

Eric: How many people keep wandering into the brain tank, “Ooh, this looks cozy; let’s swim”? They have to be able to at least ask for the exit.

Micah: Could we also throw out a third possibility, which is that Voldemort may be assisting Harry in getting out of the Department of Mysteries so that…?

Eric: To go kill Bella?

Micah: Well, so that he can ultimately confront him.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Using her as bait.

Andrew: Does he have that much control, though? I mean, he just says, “I want to go,” and it happens. The timing would be very coincidental, I think.

Eric: Well, and Bellatrix also finds the exit immediately, because she’s running.

Laura: Right.

Eric: So Harry is chasing after her, but she’s closed the door behind her. But how did she find it so quickly to begin with also? I like the idea that there’s something that just the adults know and the kids don’t, such as you can ask for the exit.

Micah: I think that for the most part, the Death Eaters have mapped out the Department of Mysteries based on all of the reconnaissance that they’ve been doing up until this point, between Podmore and Bode and the fact that Lucius has been hanging out down here. Didn’t one of the Death Eaters also used to work in the Department of Mysteries?

Andrew: I think so.

Eric: That’s Bode. I think he was an Unspeakable.

Micah: Well, no, one of the Death Eaters.

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Micah: Possibly Rookwood?

Eric: Rookwood.

Laura: I thought… yeah, I think you’re right about that.

Micah: So I think that Bellatrix… she also could just have a lot of magical ability that forces the room to show her the exit.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, we know she’s very powerful.

Andrew: Yeah. By the way, I really like this point from James. “So by this logic, would asking the walls nicely to unlock the door to the love room work?” I think you’d have to say something like, “I’m looking for love. I’m looking for where the magic happens.”

Eric: Yeah, you have to stroke the doorknob.

Andrew: “I’m looking for something to do with my wand.”

Laura: [laughs] I don’t think that’s what the love room is for.

Andrew: People are asking for the show to get weird again, so that’s my attempt right here.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yeah, people actually are asking. We get five emails a week about that.

Andrew: “Make MuggleCast weird again.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: So Laura, I also thought that it was important that we take a minute to feel for Lupin here, because obviously, Harry has lost his godfather, but Lupin has just lost his best friend not long after regaining him. It’s not been, what, but two years since Sirius has been cleared, at least for those who know him well enough. And the fact that Lupin does everything in his power to prevent Harry from following Sirius through the veil, I think, speaks volumes of his character, given what emotionally he’s probably going through in this moment.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: I mean, that is an incredibly difficult line to walk. You’re trying to restrain and comfort Harry and look out for him, while also grieving the loss of your lifelong friend. But I think he’s probably just so shocked in the moment too. You just kind of kick into protector mode and do what you need to do no matter the emotions.

Laura: Yeah, I think that’s right.

Eric: He’s got a lot of logic, and he knows that Harry is ready to jump into the veil. [laughs] Not because Harry has a death wish, but he’s literally just… he’s sure that there are people in there, and if they’re in there then they can come out, is Harry’s logic.

Micah: Lupin, I know, is going to get a little bit of a bad rap as we move forward in the series, so I just wanted to take a moment to appreciate what he does here. And not only does he help Harry, he helps Neville, because he removes the curse from Neville’s legs so that he can walk again.

Laura: Right.

Eric: He’s like, “Neville, you sound ridiculous. I can’t do anything about that just yet, but I’ll help your legs.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Again, Neville’s still got a broken nose, unfortunately.

Laura: So in the atrium, Harry actually manages to kind of hold his own with Bellatrix, at least initially, and ultimately, he manages to produce a decent enough sounding Crucio that it does initially catch her off guard.

Eric: It knocks her off her feet. That’s kind of cool.

Laura: Yeah, yeah, and I mean, initially she’s…

Micah: She actually tripped.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: She conveniently at the same moment was just like, “Oh.”

Laura: And she was so embarrassed by… wait, what would embarrass her more, getting hit by a teenage Crucio cast, or tripping in the middle of battle?

Andrew: Probably the former.

Laura: Yeah, but it’s good enough that she’s initially knocked off her feet. She yells. She has a moment of fear about this, but it’s very clear that Harry doesn’t yet have the skillset to be able to successfully cast something like this. And she says that line that I think we talk about quite a bit with regard to Harry’s character around the Unforgivable Curses, and she says, “You have to mean it. You have to really want to cause pain and torture in order for this to work.” And I’m wondering, do we think Harry could have gotten there with Bellatrix if he had had more time with her?

Andrew: So I think the answer is in how she is describing it. Like you said, she said, “You need to mean them, Potter! You need to really want to cause pain – to enjoy it – righteous anger won’t hurt me for long – I’ll show you how it’s done. I’ll give you a lesson.” Does Harry really want to cause pain and enjoy it? That’s tough, even in a moment like this. Maybe yes, he wants to cause pain, but does he enjoy it? I’m not so sure. That said, I think with more focus and determination and just maybe being a little more calm, he would be able to cast this curse on her.

Micah: So I disagree slightly. I’m not sure he’s mature enough at this point to really mean it, despite what just happened to Sirius, and the main reason being that Harry is dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions in this moment. And I think if we’re to compare this to just a couple books later in Deathly Hallows, to when Amycus Carrow spits on McGonagall, the Crucio that Harry casts here is far more intense and far more intentional. And yes, he’s a couple years older, but I think he really is able to channel his emotions and be in the proper state of mind to use this Unforgivable Curse. He is livid at what has just transpired in front of him, and the only thing on his mind is repaying Amycus Carrow for what he just did to McGonagall, to the point where it even shocks her.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: I do wonder if Harry were able to successfully cast Crucio, how that would have played with the Ministry of Magic, because… would he have been let off the hook for this Unforgivable Curse? It is Unforgivable.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: And I mean, this is the same Ministry that is ready to punish Dumbledore at the end of this chapter, so I really wonder how they would have reacted to this.

Eric: It’s wild, because they have some Death Eaters that are downstairs restrained in their Department of Mysteries. There was clearly break-in; the Death Eaters themselves are clearly involved. There’s not a lot of deniability there, but they’re looking for chances to chuck Harry in Azkaban. So maybe it’s one of those situations where… I mean, unless Dumbledore arrives and stages the scene to be otherwise, yeah, Harry could be in hot water here. But that actually brings up another question that I had, which is how does Harry get up here before Dumbledore?

Micah: It’s a good one.

Eric: Because if you read the first couple of paragraphs of this chapter, Dumbledore has already mostly taken care of all the Death Eaters, and most of them are tied up. Kingsley is dueling Bellatrix; Kingsley falters, he moans, he goes, “Ahh,” and that gets Dumbledore’s attention, so Dumbledore lets Bellatrix leave. And then, while Harry is still being restrained by Lupin, I guess Dumbledore doesn’t really do anything, because then Harry goes and runs past Dumbledore, up the stairs, out the room, into the atrium. What is Dumbledore playing at here? Because it should be his… he should be going after her, and certainly not Harry, who is not capable of rational thought right now and… yeah, what’s going on here?

Laura: Well, James in our Discord is saying, “Harry has the speed of youth on his side.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: And he’s got a lot of rage right now, too, so I feel like that’s speeding him up.

Eric: There’s an App-arate for that.

Micah: Dumbledore’s middle name is Apparition.

Laura: True.

Micah: He can Apparate anywhere he wants to at any time, it seems like.

Andrew: Maybe he hadn’t gotten his steps that day, so he was like, “Well, I’d better just run this one out, because I need to close my rings.”

Eric: But it takes a while for Dumbledore to arrive. It’s not like there’s 15 seconds between Harry and Bellatrix, and then Dumbledore shows up.

Micah: Maybe Bellatrix and Harry used up the free passes to get through the exit door, and so Dumbledore was just sitting there trying to…

Eric: Ohh. Trying doors?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric and Micah: Yeah.

Laura: That’s rough.

Andrew: The room is like, “How many fools are in here today? How many times do I have to just give you a free pass out of here? Dang.”

Eric: I just… it feels irresponsible. You know what it gives? It gives Sorcerer’s Stone vibes where Dumbledore, I think, flat-out says to Harry at the end of the year, “I thought you had a right to face Quirrell-Voldemort if you wanted to.” Harry was 11 years old! That was a bad call. But it feels like he’s letting Harry go and avenge Sirius. Maybe it’s due to guilt over his involvement in the fact that Sirius ended up dead, but this is still a reckless decision, especially because it puts Harry right in front of Voldemort again.

Laura: Well, especially considering we know that in just a few months’ time, Dumbledore is going to be making Snape swear to him that he’ll kill him and not to let Bellatrix do it, because she likes to play with her food.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: So he knows exactly what type of Death Eater Bellatrix is and is resigning Harry to that fate. God, Laura, that’s such a good call-out.

Micah: And on top of that, we’re going to be in a situation very similar to this at the end of Half-Blood Prince, where Dumbledore does, in fact, immobilize Harry. He prevents him from getting involved.

Eric: Ohh.

Micah: Maybe we couldn’t do that in both books; that would have been a little too repetitious.

Eric: Or he knows that Harry would just be really cross if he lets him not get his revenge now.

Micah: Do you think deep down that maybe Dumbledore is hoping for a Voldemort cameo?

Eric: Probably.

Laura: Yeah. Well, I mean, at this point, isn’t Dumbledore starting to really put together the Horcrux theory? We don’t know about it yet from Harry’s perspective, but is he trying to test the waters here to see what happens when the two of them are in the same room?

Eric: The same body, even, as happens?

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: No, I think that makes sense. I mean, Dumbledore was onto the Horcrux thing since Chamber of Secrets, right? And I think…

Laura: Yeah, no, I guess you’re right.

Andrew: Now it’s a good opportunity, though, to your point, to see what happens when the two of them are together, while Dumbledore is a monitor of the situation.

Eric: Safely viewing the…

Andrew: Yeah, he’s not going to let anything bad happen.

Eric: [laughs] No, no, no.

Laura: Right, nothing bad happens here.

Andrew: Yeah, come on.

Micah: I do agree, though; I think that Dumbledore should have done some sort of intervention here to prevent Harry from going after Bellatrix.

Eric: Or splitting his soul or something.

Micah: It’s reckless.

Eric: Yeah, there are protections here. There is… yeah, revenge is never good. So Dumbledore is careless at worst, and manipulative and strategic at best. And I think it probably… I probably go on the latter where he’s letting Harry go up there, maybe in the hopes that Voldemort will show up, or that he’ll learn more about the situation. But it puts Harry at risk.

Laura: Well, we’re going to get a little bit more into this discussion when we get back, specifically about Bellatrix. I know, Eric, you have some points you want to bring up.

Eric: I am so excited.

[Ad break]

Laura: Eric, tell me about Bellatrix.

Eric: We need to talk about Bellatrix.

Laura: Yeah, what’s the deeper reading that you’re doing here?

Eric: Yeah, so this time reading through, I picked up just a few things. And we know, of course, in the plot of Cursed Child, that it is in fact Bellatrix and Voldemort whose child is involved. And I have to just ask, because some of these things are a bit odd going through the books with that in mind. So the first of three things I noticed is that after Harry fails to cast the Crucio curse, Bellatrix mentions that the Dark Lord himself taught her the Dark Arts, and that’s kind of an interesting little tidbit. She says, “I was and am the Dark Lord’s most loyal servant, I learned the Dark Arts from him, and I know spells of such power that you, pathetic little boy, can never hope to compete.” And funnily enough, to that, Harry casts Stupefy at her. But what is this personal tutelage that she’s received from Voldemort? When did it start?

Micah: Bow-chicka-wow-wow.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: No, really, because either it’s private between the two of them, or Voldemort and all of his Death Eater army are running drills. Like, “Okay, guys, today we’re going to learn to conjure a snake.” Can you see that happening?

Andrew: Well, we’ve always known that Bellatrix has had an attraction to Voldemort, right?

Eric: Yes.

Andrew: She’s really fawned over him. So I could see her asking…

Eric: You could also see it being one-sided, though.

Andrew: Right. No, no, definitely. But I could see her asking her boo, “Hey, could you give me some lessons?” And maybe he wants to improve his ranks, so he’s like, “Yeah, I’ll teach you a thing or two.”

Eric: Because it’s a little bit different. I mean, if you look at the wording, though, it’s a little bit different than saying “The Dark Lord showed me the most heinous spells, and I learned the Dark Arts from him.” That speaks to a long term development kind of…

Andrew: Fair.

Eric: So that’s interesting. That’s just an interesting way in which she puts it. She’s married, by the way.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But moving on, as the second thing, Voldemort refers to her as “Bella.”

Andrew: That’s a big flag to me.

Eric: Yeah, what does this say…?

Andrew: That makes the Cursed Child, the twist, canon to me. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah. This alone, I think, could do it, because that’s an informal version of her name. We don’t ever see Voldemort… yeah.

Micah: Which just happens to mean “beautiful.”

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: So we don’t ever see Voldemort using an informal name with his followers. In fact, he rigidly calls many of them by their surname. Macnair… he doesn’t even call Peter by any of his names; he calls him “Wormtail.” So to shorten the name of one of your few female followers in such a way seems to also indicate some level of affection from Voldemort. And they’re in front of people now, so even if he calls her Bella on the side, why wouldn’t he just, in this instance, call her Bellatrix, the full name?

Andrew: Yeah, yeah.

Eric: Like, “Bellatrix, you’d better come with me.”

Andrew: Apparently their relationship is out in the open if he’s using it in a public setting. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah. Or they’ve known each other in this way long enough that he doesn’t even think about it when he says it, which is so weird to imagine Voldemort having an affectionate name for somebody, because that just doesn’t… it feels like that falls in the realm of Voldemort not understanding love.

Andrew: Yes!

Laura: So I mean, yeah, it’s weird.

Eric: Here’s where it happens: “Master, I am sorry, I knew not, I was fighting the Animagus Black! Master, you should know -“ And he says, “Be quiet, Bella. I shall deal with you in a moment.”

Andrew: [imitating Voldemort] “Bella! Where’s the prophecy, Loca?”

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: I like that.

Andrew: That’s a Twilight reference, for anyone who…

Micah: Oh, is it? There’s a prophecy in Twilight?

Andrew: No, no, a line from Twilight went viral. “Bella, where the hell have you been, Loca?” said by Jacob. [laughs]

Eric: One of the things that could make Twilight worse is if there were a prophecy in it.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Laura, though, I’m glad that you brought this up, because one of the things that I picked up on is that Bellatrix, as far as we know, is the only female Death Eater, at least the only one that we’ve met up until this point. And as far as I can tell, the only one we ever meet is Alecto Carro in Deathly Hallows.

Eric: Ah.

Micah: Narcissa is…

Eric: Unconfirmed.

Micah: … most likely not a Death Eater. I think she’s just part of the crowd, and a resistant part of the crowd at that. And so I’m curious, do we think this is why Voldemort chooses to interact with her in this way? Because she’s really the only female part of his Death Eater squad?

Laura: Yeah, and I mean, honestly, I could totally see Voldemort being one of these eugenics bros who thinks that it’s his duty to sow his seed and produce perfect specimen children. That just feels right up his alley.

Eric: That escalated.

Laura: Sorry. I mean, tell me I’m wrong.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: No, look, I don’t think you’re wrong. But it’s interesting that he softens, right? This is Voldemort in all of his glory, and he’s also threatening her. He says, “Be quiet. I will deal with you later.” Like, “Stop groveling.” But he calls her by a softer name. You would think he would go all the way, hard, the way that he does on his other Death Eaters with her. So that’s just two of three. The third thing that I want to mention – and this has to do with sort of towards the end of the chapter – the only reason that Cornelius Fudge sees Voldemort is because after he fails to possess Harry or keep possession on Harry, and he doesn’t have a body anymore because he’s disappeared entirely, he actually comes back. Voldemort comes back, but it’s only for a few seconds to rescue Bellatrix Lestrange from the rubble that she’s under and leave.

Andrew: That’s love.

Eric: And it’s in those few seconds… why did Voldemort come back into the room, corporeal form where he can be observed, or, even worse, attacked? Dumbledore is in full form right across the way. You’re really going to come back to rescue a Death Eater? Voldemort is not supposed to care about his Death Eaters! He’s not supposed to care about anybody but himself!

Andrew: [imitating Voldemort] “But it’s Bella, Loca!”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I think you’re making a great case here for the Cursed Child twist being canon.

Eric: And I hate that!

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: I’m glad you bring up these points. I don’t! I like that it ties back to Order of the Phoenix. Thank God we have some evidence.

Eric: I don’t think that makes it a better play.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: No, but… I know we talked about this before, but I feel like timeline-wise, it could work that Bellatrix could be pregnant at this point, which would really explain why he would come back to get her.

Eric: Oh. Especially if he thinks about it the way that you said that he probably thinks about it. He’s got mileage, or what’s…? Mileage? He’s got baggage, or Bellatrix has something that he needs…

Micah: Bellatrix baggage?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

[Eric sighs]

Micah: But if I’m to play a little bit of devil’s advocate, could it also just be because she is fiercely loyal to him, and he wants to ensure that he has at least one Death Eater? Because at this point, all the other Death Eaters are tied up down in the Department of Mysteries, and let’s face it, we don’t really know where their loyalties truly lie at the end of the day. Bellatrix is completely committed to him.

Eric: Yes. Yeah, I mean, he’s down six or seven Death Eaters; it makes sense that he would save who he can. Except it’s Voldemort! He’s not supposed to care about anybody except himself, especially when the stakes are so high. So it’s interesting because, again, Fudge only sees him at the very last second when he’s there to rescue Bella, and if his instinct… if Voldemort had just fled, we still would get another year or two of the Ministry’s official line on Voldemort being that he’s not back.

Micah: Maybe he’s also just trying to clean it up. He’s trying to ensure that… he didn’t know that Fudge was going to show up.

Eric: Right.

Micah: If he’s able to hightail it out of there and remove Bellatrix from the scene, then it’s just a bunch of Death Eaters that got caught down in the Department of Mysteries. I don’t know. I like where you’re going; I agree that this is a very cool way that you’ve organized this Cursed Child story.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: Well, it’s just interesting because I really question… it’s these little moments in the dialogue and uncharacteristic behavior, especially of Voldemort – we don’t see him too often in the books, but when we see him, he doesn’t behave like this – that really makes me question whether he and Bellatrix have gone to a Coldplay concert together or something, you know what I mean?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I mean, he’s like her boss, after all. She’s married.

Andrew: Oh, that would be good. Somebody Photoshop that.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Yeah, but I don’t know. I don’t know the nature of their relationship.

Micah: You could get that from AI, probably, in about 30 seconds after the show.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Well, cool. Thank you for that. Because yeah, I think that’s an element of Voldemort that we don’t really talk about. I mean, until Cursed Child, I don’t think anyone considered that he could even physically procreate.

Eric: I remember that being a big sticking point.

Laura: Yeah. [laughs] We were like, “Okay.”

Andrew: Don’t judge a book by its cover, y’all. No nose is helpful, I think, for that.

Eric: Well, there’s a lot else going on with Voldemort in this chapter alone, too, so it’s easy to miss it.

Laura: Well, I wanted to talk about the symbolism of the Fountain of Magical Brethren, because there is quite a bit of subtext, I think, we can read into here. You have the witch, the wizard, and then you have a centaur, a house-elf, and a goblin, and of course, the house-elf and the goblin are just looking up starry-eyed at the witch and wizard. It’s really giving this idea that magical creatures are somehow subservient and happy to be so to wizards, which we know is not reality. But this fountain gets absolutely wrecked over the course of this battle, and I think there’s some symbolism here. The big one that stuck out to me was what happened to the wizard figure that was used by Dumbledore to protect Harry. So Voldemort, right after he appears, very quickly decides that he’s going to AK Harry, and Dumbledore saves Harry by having the wizard figure from the fountain basically hold him captive against a wall. However, that wizard figure was decapitated, and I thought this could be potentially an omen of Dumbledore’s coming death.

Eric: Like a self-sacrificial for Harry kind of…?

Laura: Right.

Micah: Well, Dumbledore doesn’t protect Harry, so there goes that theory.

Eric: [laughs] Wow.

Micah: I’m just joking. [laughs]

Laura: Well, I mean… so no, I mean, you’re right; he doesn’t protect Harry as much as he should, that’s for sure. But I don’t know if it was meant to sort of serve as a little bit of a red herring for what was to come. I thought it was a very intentional choice that Harry was protected by the wizard; Bellatrix was protected by the witch, although that was probably more so just to get her out of the way, not so much to protect her, but it had the added bonus of protecting her, which feels very Dumbledore to do. Do no harm, even if the person definitely deserves to be harmed.

Eric: Dumbledore is like Batman in that way. He’s not going to kill; he’s going to just imprison.

Micah: And being pinned down by the witch… we know that she’s ultimately destroyed by Molly in Deathly Hallows.

Eric: Oh.

Laura: Ooh, I like that. That’s great. Thank you for that, Micah, because I was like, “There’s got to be something to this,” and I just… it was… yeah, I wasn’t able to draw an inference there. So that’s a really, really good one. I was also thinking with the centaur, it loses an arm, and I was just honestly – candidly – just looking up literary theory and representation about what it means to lose limbs, what that’s intended to represent.

Eric: Let’s ask George Lucas.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Sorry.

Laura: That’s amazing. “I have the high ground.”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: But anyway, the loss of a limb like that is very representative of a loss of power, and I think that’s definitely a very active theme with the centaurs, particularly in this book. So to see that happen here, but then also the fact, Micah, you brought up that the centaur also charges Voldemort. The centaur is also being used, in this case, to ward off an enemy, very similar to what Hermione was just trying to do.

Eric: Oh! Dumbledore did it too! Everybody’s doing it. Let the centaurs take out the garbage.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Could we also maybe flip that and think that the centaurs perhaps will come around and see the larger threat that Voldemort poses to the wizarding world, and in the moment that it’s called for, will charge Voldemort and his followers?

Laura: Yep.

Eric: Seems reasonable.

Laura: Yeah, it does. And the one that I’m really having trouble connecting here is the goblin. It loses an ear.

Eric: Huh? What?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I don’t really know how to connect threads to what’s coming in the rest of the series to that. [laughs]

Eric: It’s interesting…

Andrew: Well, Fudge and co. have not been listening. [laughs] That kind of works backwards, but…

Eric: The goblin and the house-elf statues are very interesting to me in this chapter, because they go and get help, which is not strictly a protect or attack role that Dumbledore has given to the witch and the wizard and the centaur. And at the end of it, when things are settling down, the house-elf and the goblin applaud Dumbledore, are like, “Yay!” And I find it so interesting, because I have to ask what is the magic? What is the…? Is it transfiguration to where…? Because we see statues do that a couple of times. The suits of armor at Hogwarts are like that, but they’re always kind of single-minded. So is Dumbledore controlling the goblin and the house-elf to clap for him here?

Andrew: I don’t think so.

Eric: Because if not, then it’s actually more problematic, because the whole reason that the Fountain of Magical Brethren is problematic is thinking that these other races that are non-human will adore the humans in the room, right? So if Dumbledore brought them to life and just said, “Do whatever you guys want to do,” and they’re like, “Yay! Wizards are great!”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Then you see how that’s also a problem. So I choose to think that Dumbledore gave ’em part of his personality, and right now he needs two little hype men…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … so he’s literally… because Fudge shows up…

Andrew: Dumbledore doesn’t really carry an ego about him, so that’s why this isn’t checking out for me.

Eric: I think he does carry an ego, but it’s subtle. I think he’s intelligent enough to, when the moment calls for it, get something that seems like it’s not him to promote his coolness.

Micah: I do think, though, that there’s something to be said for the obedience factor of the goblin and the house-elf going for help, especially as it relates to house-elves, because throughout this series we’ve seen them be so loyal to… whether it was their family or to other individuals, so the fact that Dumbledore chooses these two to go for help… and I guess you could also maybe look at it as him getting them out of harm’s way, even though the goblin does lose an ear. Maybe he has a little bit of a soft spot for these creatures, and he realizes that if he leaves them here, they’re probably going to get blown to smithereens by Voldemort.

Andrew: Well, that part sticks.

Eric: I’m going to call this for what it is: The goblin and the house-elf aren’t tall enough to protect Harry, so they have to go.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: The wizard gets to Harry because he’s the biggest and most likely to be able to protect him. I mean, except maybe the centaur. But I think the goblin and the house-elf are used in a way that would be sort of, “Okay, you can’t fight, so you go call for help.”

Andrew: Yeah, their skillset is going to call for help in this scenario.

Micah: Dobby is pretty good.

Andrew: Yeah. HedwigsTheme does agree with you, Eric. “That’s hilarious and cocky and elaborate. Totally Dumbledore-coded.” Your theory a couple of minutes ago.

Eric: Oh, thanks. Yeah, if you go back and read when they clap and what the circumstances are, it sounds… it’s at the perfect moment for Dumbledore to look good. And Dumbledore and Fudge have this tense moment – which we’ll get back to the chapter in a second – but they have this tense moment where you’re uncertain if Dumbledore is about to get arrested still, but then a second later, probably after the clapping, he starts making demands of Fudge. “Here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to do this, this, and this, and this, and this,” and so I think it’s all because he had an audience clapping for him.

Micah: Going back to what you said earlier, though, Laura, I do think there’s larger symbolism here in the fact that the Fountain of Magical Brethren gets completely destroyed, right? And it’s almost like a reset. It’s a larger message that’s being sent, I think, that in order to defeat Voldemort, the entire wizarding community is going to need to find a way to work together, as opposed to how things were done previously. Like you were saying, the fact that you had all of these other creatures that were looking up adoringly at the witch and wizard, that’s no longer the case, right? Everybody is more or less on equal footing. And I think that probably Dumbledore may take a little bit of satisfaction in the fact that he had a hand in this fountain being destroyed. Of course, we know what comes to replace it in Deathly Hallows is far worse, but you can actually probably debate that there are some similarities between the two of them.

Laura: Right. Yeah, no, definitely. I think it’s just a matter of degrees.

Micah: Right, for sure.

Eric: Cedric Diggorys? Amos Diggorys?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Oh, degrees.

Micah: Eric’s got the dad joke this week.

Laura: There we go.

Andrew: Check.

Eric: Sorry, I’m on a Delphi kick. It’s killing me.

Laura: Voldemort is in the atrium. We already covered some of this, but he does confirm, ultimately, that Harry is being truthful about the prophecy being lost. Bellatrix, of course, initially thinks Harry is lying about this, but Voldemort is very quickly and easily able to read Harry’s mind because, you know, he didn’t really learn Occlumency this year.

Eric: Oh. [laughs]

Laura: So, oops. That sucks.

Andrew: Aww.

Laura: And we already talked about the events of what the fountain does, and Harry being protected by the wizard statue from the fountain, but getting a little deeper into this part of the chapter where the battle between Dumbledore and Voldemort starts, I just have to say that I think I stand corrected here, and I think I need to own up to the fact…

[Andrew gasps]

Laura: … that we’ve made fun of this scene in the movie for years for being like a Pokémon battle…

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: … and upon rereading this chapter, that’s pretty much what happens.

Eric: Yeah, that’s what it is.

Laura: [laughs] That’s what it is.

Andrew: I think that’s okay! Personally, I… and I have this issue with Quidditch too. Sometimes so much is happening, it’s kind of hard to follow. If it’s more straightforward, like this turn-based kind of Pokémon battle, that’s okay.

Micah: All right. But shouldn’t we also hold the movies in some ways to a higher standard, especially as it relates to battle scenes? You have millions of dollars at your disposal to be able to create epic battles and…

Eric: I’m going to stop you right there, Micah.

Micah: Well, let me just finish…

Eric: Okay, okay.

Micah: … and you can do whatever you want. [laughs] But we’ve watched videos on YouTube created by fans where there is better spell-casting and better battle sequences than what is actually in the Harry Potter films.

Eric: Okay, now I’ve got to ask, Micah, when Order of the Phoenix came out during the summer of Potter, did you go and see…? Because the last 30 minutes are in IMAX, right? Did you see this Pokémon battle between Dumbledore and Voldemort in IMAX? Because you can’t knock it till you’ve seen it in IMAX.

Micah: No, I didn’t see it at all.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That’s where it looks cool. That’s where it really pops. That’s where it’s not as ridiculous-looking as it is…

Micah: Not everybody can go to IMAX.

Eric: I’m joking, of course.

Micah: No, I know you are.

Eric: Yeah, I think the TV show will have more time to devote to it, which is ultimately the… I’ve told this story before, but reading this book for the very first time, I was like, “They could make just this Ministry of Magic segment two hours long.” It’s that complex.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: It’ll be a whole episode for sure, I think.

Laura: Definitely.

Micah: No, one thing I do hope that the TV show does is kind of elevate the spell-casting and some of the other battle scenes that we’ve seen in the series, and I do hope, too… I know we didn’t talk about this when we were talking about the fountain, but Max it.

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

Micah: We didn’t see the Fountain of Magical Brethren come to life in the movies.

Laura: Right.

Eric: That’s a part of this chapter and the previous one that’s really valid and valuable to see adapted, because they’re using the scenery around them to affect change. The magic is fun and all, but they’re using the shelves to get away from the Death Eaters, or they’re using the statues to protect Harry and pin Bellatrix. That’s, I think, the visceral, cool angle that we’re looking for that just wasn’t really in the movies.

Andrew: And I think we’re already seeing hints of this with the paparazzi photos from filming, but we are seeing some welcome changes, I think, stylistically, and hopefully that does get carried over to wand work, battles, stuff like that.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: Yeah, we complained about Order of the Phoenix showing Voldemort in a suit, but wait till you see Voldemort in a tracksuit.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: It’s going to be amazing.

Andrew: It’s going to be so ’90s, early 2000s.

Eric: A ’90s tracksuit.

Andrew: Yeah. No, so I’m optimistic that they are making a conscious effort to do things a little differently, put a good twist on things. And I think a big question here is going to be are they working with the same wand choreographer this time? Are they bringing in new people who are going to have a different vision for it? That’s a factor. And last thing I’ll say on this is we were nervous about the wand work in Hogwarts Legacy before we got into that game, right? We were like, “What are battles going to be like?” Because it can be kind of hokey, but they did an amazing job in that video game. So I’m not saying the people who worked on that are going to work on the TV show, but that leaves me optimistic for the future, how things can evolve.

Eric: It was Paul Harris, by the way. Shout-out the wand choreographer for…

Andrew: Great guy, great guy. I’m sure he goes to the conferences, teaches people the spell work… but yeah, let’s get somebody new in there.

Laura: Definitely.

Andrew: Micah T. He has some thoughts, clearly.

Micah: Not the only one.

Andrew: Wand choreographer Micah T. All right, I’m done.

Laura: Hey, that sounds like a great alternate career path. Maybe we can all look into that.

Eric: If Micah and Laura get married, Micah takes her name and becomes Micah Tee.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Well, they are already married; that’s why…

Laura: I don’t think that’s where Andrew was going with that.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Oh, okay.

Andrew: No, I was just abbreviating his… I don’t know if Micah brings up his last name on the show anymore, so I just played it safe.

Laura: So anyway, Voldemort briefly possesses Harry, and it’s kind of a full circle moment because in the earlier parts of Order of the Phoenix, Harry was very concerned that he was being possessed by Voldemort, and remember, Ginny has to confront him about this and ask him all of these questions so that she can then say, “Hey, if you’re not losing time, if you’re not blacking out and then waking up doing weird shit like having strangled chickens, you’re probably not being possessed by Voldemort,” but Harry actually gets to feel that here.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Eric: It’s excruciating.

Andrew: And this is just a heartbreaking scene and moment to read and watch. It just… and with the movie, it’s illustrating what’s going on with dramatic music, and Harry’s face. Harry is being used by Voldemort after being tricked earlier, falling into his trap, and all Dumbledore can do is watch. It’s just so sad. It’s one of those scenes that sticks with me.

Eric: I do like seeing Dumbledore at a loss here, because he is for a little bit.

Micah: I do like the way the movie did it with the montage, but I also really liked in the book how it’s Sirius and only Sirius that loosens Voldemort’s grip on Harry…

Laura: Yep.

Micah: … and the fact that Voldemort can’t even stand a little bit of compassion speaks volumes. I get for a viewer, seeing that montage of all of the happy moments in Harry’s last five years at Hogwarts, it hits home, but for a reader… I’m wondering, too, with the TV show, how might they choose to adapt this? Because the fact that the loss of Sirius is so fresh in Harry’s mind, but yet him thinking of him immediately conjures these positive emotions, throws Voldemort completely off in this moment. So we’ll see what happens. I figured you would appreciate that, Eric.

Eric: I do, yeah.

Micah: And we get to see Sirius one more time.

Eric: Yeah, it is meaningful to me, and seeing how quickly… what I didn’t really remember… it’s not just painful for Voldemort, but he pulls right out. He gets away. He’s gone in, like, three seconds after Harry thinks of Sirius, so it’s that strong of a memory, or a love. So I really like that.

Laura: And before we get that moment, I just want to connect another thread here. So before Harry starts thinking of Sirius and ultimately causes Voldemort to just shrivel up and go away, Voldemort is speaking through Harry to Dumbledore and saying, “Kill me. End it.” And this time approximately a year from now, Dumbledore is going to be saying the same thing to Harry in the cave.

Eric: Ah!

Laura: So there’s just a lot of foreshadowing happening here in this chapter that I didn’t necessarily see until I did this reread, unless we talked about this last time and I just forgot. [laughs]

Andrew: It’s possible.

Laura: But it feels like one of those things that you just get something new out of the story every time you read it.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Eric: I like that.

Andrew: That’s the beauty of it.

Laura: And Fudge rounds out this chapter with the classic “He’s back!” moment, although I think… is that a movie-ism?

Andrew: It is.

Eric: It’s a movie-ism.

Laura: I mean, that’s the vibe.

Andrew: [laughs] And the truth.

Eric: Yeah, it’s not just the vibe, but I love how in the movie it feels from Robert Hardy that he says it out loud in spite of himself, and it’s obviously… it works on seven different levels, because it’s funny for the audience to be like, “Haha, he’s talking out loud when he didn’t mean to!” But it’s that shock, because you see the insight into his character that he really actually didn’t believe Voldemort was back. We like to believe the ones that are denying it know he’s back but are secretly pretending they don’t know, but that scene in the movie shows that he really kind of is surprised by it, and it – because he said that out loud – forces his hand to acknowledge it and be like, “Okay,” where in the book he still has a choice to kind of deny it, and he doesn’t. So it’s more succinct in the movie, but I like it.

Micah: It’s the complete opposite of what transpired at the end of Goblet of Fire, where Dumbledore gave him the opportunity to come on board the “Voldemort is back” train, and Fudge decided, “Eh, I’m good.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: “That seems hard.”

Andrew: “I’m good. I’ll pass.”

Laura: Yeah. Well, and yeah, last book Dumbledore was giving all of these orders to the Order, right? Because Fudge was not being cooperative, and now Fudge is bumbling and doesn’t quite know what to do, but also understands that he can’t really do anything to Dumbledore at this point. And Dumbledore, like, really teachers him.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: He pulls a teacher moment on him, and he’s like, “I will give you exactly 30 minutes of my time tonight, but just a second; I gotta get Harry back to school.”

Micah: “Listen, Corny.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: “I’m running the show now.”

Laura: He literally time-boxed the Minister of Magic. Just the vibe or the mood of this person, Dumbledore, who really a lot of people thought should have been the Minister of Magic, being the person that the current Minister leans on through a lot of his insecurities around his readiness for the role.

Eric: Yeah. Well, it’s just now you know the… you’re beginning to sense the level at which you screwed up all year. “Since I’ve been right all along, here’s what we’re going to do about it.” And the only reason Fudge doesn’t push back is because he literally doesn’t know what to do, and is completely incapable of coming up with any independent thought.

Andrew: He’s in shock, too, I guess.

Eric: He needs to be told what to do.


Superlative of the Week


Laura: Well, all right, we’re going to go ahead and get into our MVP of the Week. This is a more classic MVP question: Who was the MVP in the Dumbledore/Voldemort battle? And they are not the only two choices. There were clearly…

Andrew: But I did go with one of those choices.

Laura: Yeah, go for it.

Andrew: I went with Dumbledore. [singing] “Taking care of business, every day!”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Sorry, I’ve got to stick up for my man.

Eric: You could have surprised us, Andrew, and gone with Voldemort, but you didn’t.

Andrew: [laughs] No, I would never betray Dumbledore in that way.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: So you guys have more clever picks.

Eric: Yeah, I’m going to give… look, I think the MVP was actually Bellatrix. She really gets her moment to shine in this moment. Even though what she did to Sirius in the last chapter is unforgivable, gotta give it to her, because she gets her close-up here.

Micah: I decided to go with Fawkes…

Andrew: Good one.

Micah: … because he’s just out here taking AKs every day.

Andrew: Yeah, that’s fair.

Eric: But where did he come from? He’s just here?

Andrew: Well, who brought Fawkes? It was Dumbledore.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Well, does he have a choice?

Eric: No, Fawkes doesn’t even want to be there.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Meanwhile… I really do hope Dumbledore scooped him up before he came back to Hogwarts.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “My little birdie.”

Laura: He’s just a little baby.

Andrew: Yeah, I’m sure he pocketed him and brought him back to school.

Micah: I hope so.

Laura: I went with Dumbledore’s hype gang, the house-elf and the goblin.

Eric: Oh, yeah!

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: You know what it honestly made me think of? And I don’t even know where this connection was made. It made me think of Timmy and Tommy from Animal Crossing

Micah: Oh, yeah. [laughs]

Laura: … and how they would stand there and just clap emphatically.

Andrew: Oh, yeah. “Bella-ella!” The second one always repeats.

[Laura laughs]


Lynx Line


Laura: And now we’re going to get into our Lynx Line. MuggleCast listeners who are members of our community over at Patreon.com/MuggleCast have answered this week’s question: What is your “Max that” moment of this chapter?

Andrew: So Michele said,

“I want to see an updated and even more epic duel between Dumbledore and Voldemort. It is a fantastic scene that hopefully can be made even better.”

Eric: Rachel says,

“I want to see Bellatrix telling Harry that he has to mean it when he tries to Cruciatus Curse. That’s such a big moment for Harry’s character, using one of these awful spells because he’s so angry at her and hurt at the loss of Sirius. I’m also so excited, and nervous, to see who will be cast as Bellatrix. I’d love it to be Maisie Williams.”

Andrew: That’d be cool. Game of Thrones.

Laura: Oooh.

Micah: Is she old enough?

Laura: She might be a bit young.

Eric: Eh, maybe Sophie Turner.

Andrew: Well, what about five years from now?

Micah: Oh, that’s true.

Laura: I think she and Sophie Turner are the same age. Are they not?

Eric: What?!

Andrew: Maisie is 28, so she’s like, low 30s. They can probably… isn’t Maisie Williams kind of short? I feel like they need somebody taller for Bellatrix.

Micah: Just bring back Helena Bonham Carter.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: She’d probably be down for it.

Laura: Honestly, I’ll allow it. She was great.

Micah: And it is important, though, that Bellatrix is the one who says this to Harry, because it’s actually Voldemort in the movie, right? Who tells him he has to mean it.

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Micah: Matthew says, “Harry trying the Unforgivable. And failing! Even with all his rage and pain, it is just. Not. Enough.”

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: Harry is just too pure.

Laura: Roshni says,

“I want to see Neville’s heroism in this chapter. This is a pivotal moment for Neville’s character development! He doesn’t give up, even when he messes up a bit. We need to see the DA training pan out for all of the characters, not just Harry.”

Micah: Amen.

Eric: Actually, that’s a huge call-out, because in a TV show that can devote more time to this, you will see the kids be better at magic at the end than they are at the beginning.

Andrew: Well, and especially with the prophecy, I think we really needed to spend more time with Neville and let people talk about that. Kyle said,

“I want to see the Order, and particularly rest of the Weasley clan, realizing what happened and their response, something I’ve never really seen covered in fanfic with any depth.”

Eric: Carina says, “I would love to see Dumbledore bring the Fountain of Brethren to life.” I agree.

Micah: And finally, Forty says, “This is one of the best chapters in the series, and possibly Dumbledore’s best moment in the series.”

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Damn right!”

Micah: “It would be nice if they captured the power he radiates in the chapter during his interaction with Voldemort and during his single-handed subduing of most of the Death Eaters.”

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Get my good side.”

Micah: “You feel almost none of that in the film.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: “Blastoise! Water beam!”

Andrew: The Lynx Line is a great way to have your voice heard on the show, whether or not you’re listening live. [imitating Dumbledore] “And to talk about me and how great I am.” [back to normal voice] We ask a new question every week, and we invite you to become a member of our community by visiting Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledging for as little as $5 a month. Remember, this is the best time of year to pledge. Become a Slug Club member and you’ll get the new book, plus a 20% discount if you sign up for an annual membership. If you have any feedback about today’s episode, you can email or send a voice memo to MuggleCast@gmail.com. We love hearing y’all, so please keep those Voice Memos coming in. And like I said earlier, we will be off next week because of Labor Day here in the United States, but two weeks from now on MuggleCast, Order of the Phoenix Chapter 37, “The Lost Prophecy.” And I was looking at the chapter art for this next chapter. Damn, does Dumbledore look tired! Oh my God! I didn’t realize that before. That’s all.

Micah: He shouldn’t be; he’s been off the last few months.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: He had to run around the Department of Mysteries, close his rings.

Eric: I think he’s tired because a kid keeps destroying his most precious possessions, and he’s not worried about the possessions, but he’s going to have to go and Reparo all of those.

Andrew: Patreon aside, if you’re looking for other ways to support us, please visit MuggleCastMerch.com to buy official show gear, including limited time Patreon gifts from years past. We would also appreciate if you left us a review in your favorite podcast app, and please do tell a fellow Muggle about the show. Finally, visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all of this information. And if you’re looking for more podcasting from the four of us, listen to our other shows, Millennial and What the Hype?!, for more pop culture and real world talk.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now to wrap up today’s episode, it’s time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question: This chapter, Ron gets up close and personal with a human brain when he catches one in his hands. How much does the human brain weigh on average, in pounds? This was, once again, a multiple choice question. Is the correct answer A) seven pounds, B) five pounds, C) three pounds, or D) one pound? How much does a human brain weigh on average, in pounds? The correct answer was C) three pounds, and 50% of people with the correct answer said that they didn’t look it up. That’s pretty impressive. Correct answers were submitted by A Derivative From the Masses; A Healthy Breeze; Bony Pony Express; Dumbledore lie count; FortyFortyFo; IDon’tGiveaCorneliusOswaldFudge; Justice! You didn’t read my name the last episode! Regards, Scoliosis Centaur; Kayla the Hufflepuff; My Boyfriend’s Name Is Also Harry; Patronus Seeker; QuiddWitch; Salt Air and Dumbledore, Never Needed Anything More; The answer wasn’t seven or twelve? Laura!!; and What do you think of Wednesday S2; and Tofu Tom. Well, for Wednesday S2, stay tuned to What the Hype?!, our other podcast on pop culture. But thanks to all of those folks for submitting, and here is next week’s Quizzitch question: In this chapter, the statues of the Fountain of Magical Brethren spring to life to help save the day, but in the summer of 1985, widespread panic occurred when statues in County Cork, Ireland began to seemingly move on their own! What were they statues of, exactly? Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form located on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch. If you’re already visiting the site – maybe checking out transcripts, or the wall of fame, must listens page – click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: I would also like to remind our listening audience that if you have any feedback, you don’t have to submit it through the name field on the Quizzitch form. You could use the contact form, or the YouTube comments, or the Spotify comments section…

Eric: [laughs] Peace and love!

Andrew: [imitating Ringo Starr] With peace and love, peace and love, you can send feedback that way! [back to normal voice] Sometimes people conflate the two, it seems like.

Eric: That’s it, Andrew; they’re looking for an outlet, and they don’t know about the feedback form or the email address or anything.

Andrew: There is a separate contact form, yeah, believe it or not.

Laura: I think they’re just having fun.

Andrew: I know they are. I’m just playing.

Eric: That’s very fun.

Laura: Don’t yuck their yum.

Andrew: All right. [laughs] Careful what you wish for; now everybody’s going to submit through the Quizzitch form.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Their questions, their deep dive questions.

Eric: [imitating Ringo Starr] It will not be read! Peace and love!

Andrew: And since we are off next week and September 1 is just around the corner, just wanted to say to y’all, enjoy your ride back to Hogwarts.

Micah: Choo-choo.

Andrew: Thanks, everyone, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everyone!

Eric, Laura, and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #717

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #717, You’re A Fool, Harry Potter (OOTP Chapter 35, Beyond the Veil)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter for 20 years and counting. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And we’re your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books and the movies and the upcoming TV show, so make sure you press that follow button in your favorite podcast app, and that way you will never miss an episode. This week, we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 35, “Beyond the Veil,” and helping us with this week’s discussion is MuggleCast Slug Club patron, Shelby. Welcome, Shelby!

Shelby: Thanks. Hi.

Andrew: How are you?

Shelby: I’m doing well. Glad to be here. Thanks.

Andrew: Yeah, we’re excited to have you. And can we get your fandom ID, please?

Shelby: My favorite book is Prisoner of Azkaban. My favorite movie is Half-Blood Prince. My Hogwarts House is Ravenclaw. My Ilvermorny House, I remember, if anyone cares, is Thunderbird.

Eric: I care.

Andrew: Good memory.

Shelby: [laughs] My Patronus is a fox, and my favorite room in the Department of Mysteries has got to be the love room, the romantic in me says.

Andrew, Eric, and Laura: Aww.

Andrew: That’s sweet.

Micah: And we’re so excited to have a fellow Ravenclaw on, at least Laura and I are.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, we’re going to gang up on everyone else.

Eric: Shelby, the interesting thing is that you’re obviously a new listener to MuggleCast, but you happen to have this photo that you shared of yourself with Andrew taken, what, 18 years ago now? This is crazy.

Andrew: Well, not a new… why did you say new listener of MuggleCast?

Eric: I was joking. I was joking.

Andrew: Oh, I was like, “Wait a second. Did I miss something?”

[Andrew and Shelby laugh]

Eric: She’s obviously very, very old school. Sorry, the joke… they’re not all going to land.

Andrew: When Shelby and I met earlier this week, she shared this photo of us in London in 2007, that must have been, right?

Shelby: Yep, it was right after the Order of the Phoenix premiere in London.

Andrew: Ahh, okay. Well, thank you so much for your long-time listenership, and it’s good to see you again, but this time virtually.

Shelby: Yeah, good to see you too.

[Andrew laughs]

Shelby: We’ve grown up a bit.

Andrew: We have, yes, we have. Our styles have changed a little bit. We’ve aged well, I think.

Laura: I don’t know; I feel like y’all both still look like babies. Just a personal opinion.

Andrew: Laura said I look drunk in this photo, so I don’t know what to think now.

Laura: Okay, well, two things can be true.

Eric: No, she asked if you were drunk. There’s a difference.

Andrew: [laughs] “You were a drunk cutie.”

Laura: Yeah, come on now. We all went to the conventions. We know what happened.

Andrew: We did, yes, yes. Over there, the drinking age was lower. It was very exciting.

Eric: You know, if anything, Andrew, you were probably jet-lagged, because this was your first of two trips to London that month.

Andrew: Yes. It was a busy summer, yes, yes. Shelby, you’re on an exciting episode of MuggleCast, because every year we announce a new physical gift for patrons, and Eric has some exciting news about this year’s gift, right?

Eric: We are very excited to announce this year’s physical gift, which we’re giving to our patrons who are pledged at the Slug Club level to MuggleCast on Patreon. This is introducing… drum roll, please… we’ll add it in post…

[Andrew makes a drum roll noise with his mouth]

Eric: Yeah!

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: The MuggleCast 20th anniversary retrospective, a.k.a. the MuggleCast yearbook. This is a book featuring writing by each of the four hosts, telling the story of the podcast across these last 20 years, and featuring tons of colorful images, jam-packed with enough nostalgia to make your eyes water. It has personal reflections, anecdotes, never-before-seen photos because they were just living on my hard drive somewhere, and even a full compendium of British jokes that were ever told on MuggleCast. Fun stuff. We’re just having a lot of fun with this. And it’s called a yearbook, too, because we also styled this like an American high school yearbook in the way the photos are presented. You know how you guys get a yearbook at the end of the year, and you see the track and field team is posing, and there might be writing from the valedictorian, who I guess is Laura…

Andrew: And you write HAGS in it, which is “Have a great summer!”

Eric: Yes! Yeah! Have a great summer. Yes, so that’s the other thing; just like school yearbooks, there’s space in the back to get your book signed by your classmates, who in this case are fellow MuggleCast friends that you find in the wild. And happy to announce the first friends who’ve signed your yearbook are, in fact, us. Micah, Laura, Andrew, and myself have all taken the liberty of signing your yearbook, and we wish you a great rest of your summer, and hope that our lockers are closer together next year. We previewed this book, actually, to patrons earlier this morning, and some of their comments already include “Y’all have truly outdone yourselves this year; this is honestly so cool,” “This is so cute; I’m obsessed,” “I love this idea so much,” “This is an amazing physical gift,” “Well done, MuggleCasters; you’ve knocked this one out of the park,” “I can’t wait for this,” “This is the cutest,” “Wow, what a gift! This is so cool!,” and “Holy crap, this is AMAZING.” So don’t take our word for it; listen to our…

Micah: Were those all the Quizzitch winners for this week?

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: No, no, no…

Andrew: Those were everybody responding to the pictures of Eric in the yearbook, actually.

Eric: You’re not going to want to sleep on your chance to get the MuggleCast retrospective, a.k.a. yearbook. You must pledge to MuggleCast Patreon at the Slug Club level and sign up for the yearbook by September 15, using the sign-up form that will be in a post on Patreon by the time this episode airs. Grab this once-in-a-lifetime piece of MuggleCast history that helps us celebrate the amazing milestone of being on the airwaves for two decades.

Andrew: Yeah, and shout-out to Eric, who’s taken the lead on this project over the last few months, and it’s really come together nicely. We’ve put together, really, a pretty cool cover too. Just every part of this has been really well thought out, and it was really fun writing material for this book. And like you said, we wanted to do something really special for the 20th anniversary, and this is really just a beautiful encapsulation of the last two decades. It’s really a collector’s item. That’s how this feels, a true collector’s item.

Laura: And I will say, I just had so much fun putting together my parts of it, just because it really is a trip down memory lane when you sit down to write about an experience from these past 20 years. And also, looking at some of the preview photos that Eric shared, seeing some of the old photos that I had long since forgotten existed…

Micah: Or didn’t know existed.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Well, there’s one where you and Andrew are unconscious for it, so I don’t think either of you knew it was existing.

Andrew: Yes.

Laura: Well, I had seen that before…

Eric: Oh, okay.

Laura: … but I just forgot that it was a thing, and I saw that and I was like, “Oh. Yeah, that happened.” [laughs]

Eric: “Oh, that’s that!” Yeah.

Laura: Who was it who snapped a picture of us sleeping? Was it you?

Andrew: [imitating Kevin Steck] “It was me, Kevin!”

Micah: Probably.

Laura: [laughs] He wasn’t… oh no, wait. Yeah, he was there.

Andrew: Kevin was there. It was either Kevin or… Eric? Were you there? Yeah, you were there. Or Jamie.

Eric: It was past… I think that the photo came from my phone.

Andrew: Oh.

Eric: Maybe some digital sleuthing could figure it out. But yeah, I mean, it is the most quintessential, I think, photograph of the night that we stayed up reading Deathly Hallows for as long as our bodies could possibly stand, because you guys are passed out on the bed and Deathly Hallows is right next to you, and I don’t think it was posed. I don’t think it was posed.

Andrew: Oh, no, no.

Laura: Yeah, I have no recollection of that whatsoever, so… it’s very cute.

Micah: Well, hats off to our Eric-tor in Chief.

Andrew: Oh, good one. I think that’s the dad joke of the day. Let’s check it off the to-do list.

[Shelby laughs]

Eric: Ah, yeah. You’ve got to give it its flowers. Shelby, what are you excited about about the yearbook?

Shelby: Well, I just can’t wait to see it, and I think the way that you all have been talking about both using historical materials, photos and stuff, but also writing and reflecting now is really cool, and I can’t wait to see how it all comes together.

Micah: I had a blast going through not just all of the great guests we’ve had on the show over the years, but all of the segments that we had done. I forgot about many of them, including Andrew’s Listener Challenge…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: … should he want to bring that back at some point in the future.

Eric: Oooh.

Andrew: Seems like a good one to bring back.

Micah: Dumbledore Norris facts. Do you remember those?

Andrew and Eric: Ohh.

Laura: Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.

Eric: So good. Yeah, really sky’s the limit on this.

Andrew: So like Eric said, you must be a Slug Club patron at Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and fill out the order form by September 15. We will post a couple of reminders between now and then as well. And also, as we’ve been telling everybody, for the whole month of August to celebrate our 20th anniversary, you can get 20% off an annual subscription to our Patreon! This really is the best time to become a member. We’ve never offered this large a discount before, so please take advantage of it. Visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledge today; just use code “20YEARS” at checkout. Our Patreon is why we have made it this far, so thank you, everybody, so much, and thanks to people like Shelby, and Shelby! [laughs]

Micah: And just one other quick bit of news: I wanted to mention for the coffee drinkers out there that do use creamer in their coffee that Coffee Mate has released two new Harry Potter coffee creamers, Toffee Cauldron Cake and Zero Sugar White Chocolate Peppermint Toad, and they were nice enough to send us some for tasting. By us, I mean me. And I have already tried the Toffee Cauldron Cake. It is really good; I highly recommend it. I’m saving the White Chocolate Peppermint Toad for when it gets a little bit colder out.

Eric: Oooh.

Micah: I feel like that’s a little more of a wintry creamer to put in your coffee. But yeah, our friends at Coffee Mate were nice enough to give us a little taste, so I wanted to give them a shout-out on the show and recommend to our listeners, if you drink coffee and you like creamer in your coffee, to give it a go.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: All right, now it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and this week, we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 35, “Beyond the Veil.”

Eric: And we last discussed this chapter on MuggleCast Episode 472, titled “DUBBLEDORE!” for no reason.

[Laura laughs]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 472.

Micah: And I love the physical aspect of Neville during the actual battle that takes place in the veil room. He knows he doesn’t have a wand, but he’s able to pick one up and jam it into a Death Eater’s eye. That’s resourcefulness.

Eric: Yeah, it sure is! [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, that was badass.

Andrew: So painful, eugh.

Eric: He tackles people. He’s tackling everybody he can, and even after having the curse performed on him, too.

Andrew: This is going to happen at a Wizarding World theme park one day. There’s going to be a bad guy there and somebody’s going to stab somebody with a physical wand, and then those wands are going to be banned from the theme parks.

Eric: Oh, those wands will never be banned from the theme parks. They make them too much money.

Andrew: Oh, true. “We don’t care if they’re dangerous.”

Laura: Maybe they’ll create a new ride: Neville’s Eye-Stabbing Department of Mysteries Romp.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: That’d be fun. It’d be like one of those shooter games, shooting carnival games.

Eric: It really brings whole new meaning to the term “interactive wand.”

[Everyone laughs]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Micah: Well, I think that the Order of the Phoenix movie may need to be downgraded just based on the fact that we didn’t get Neville saying, “DUBBLEDORE!” in that fight scene.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: You know what? Honestly, thanks to David Yates for not doing that. You mentioned earlier, Micah, you were saying how we look back on previous episodes before recording, and I was giving Neville the business about being really annoying the last time we talked about this chapter. [laughs]

Micah: Oh no!

Eric: Talking with a busted nose.

Micah: I mean, Neville has a great chapter.

Laura: Yeah, I think it’s actually kind of disappointing that we don’t get to see some of that in the movie.

Eric: Well, I’d agree his actions are heroic, not that they save the person that needs it the most.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Micah: All right, well, the first part of this discussion is going to be all about how “you’re a fool, Harry Potter.” And Harry has been duped, okay? We were alluding to this in our last Chapter by Chapter discussion, but everything starts to come to light here. He is incessantly asking Lucius Malfoy, “Where is Sirius? Where is Sirius? Where is Sirius?,” only to come to the realization that Sirius ain’t here. He is nowhere to be found, and Harry has led all of his friends to their imminent demise.

Andrew: [laughs] Well…

Eric: Oops! Curb Your Enthusiasm theme?

Andrew: Possibly. [hums the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme]

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Well, that’s going through his head.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. I mean, he’s going to carry a lot of regret after this, I think.

Micah: Assuming he gets out alive.

Andrew: Yes.

Micah: One of the other things that I thought was so revealing in this chapter was Harry really starts to feel even worse about himself, because not only does he get duped by Voldemort in being brought to the Ministry, there’s this thing that he doesn’t know anything about, and that is the prophecy.

Eric: Right.

Andrew: It is so weird reading this today, realizing Harry does not know about the prophecy yet. We’re just getting here now.

Eric: He doesn’t know that there is one, he doesn’t know that that would be what this is about…

Andrew: What it is, yeah.

Eric: And who failed to prepare him for this moment, Andrew?

Laura: Oh, here we go.

Andrew: [laughs] Um…

Micah: Ginny.

Eric: Everybody.

Andrew: Ginny, Sirius… I blame Sirius.

Shelby: Dubbledore.

Eric: Oh!

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Dubbledore.

Eric: Dubbledore, yeah. That was it. But no, one thing that does align for me in the first part of this chapter is absolutely Harry’s ‘tude, as in his attitude, because we get this angry kind of talk-backy, sassy Harry. But for the first time in this book’s massive 800 pages, the ‘tude is not directed towards someone innocent, like Hermione or Ron, and is instead directed where it belongs, to the Death Eaters. He flat out tells them, “Did you know Voldemort is half-blood too?” All these little tidbits here and there, and Harry is just vamping. His inclination, his survival instinct, has always been based on vibes; “What should I do next?” But the way in which Harry is able to keep them occupied – when it should be very straightforward and simple, the Death Eaters just need to come grab that thing from him now that he’s got it down from the shelf – he keeps them at bay just by his wit and being who he is, and that’s exciting to actually read.

Micah: Yeah, because he realizes what he holds in his hand is something that they very much desire. So it’s almost like despite the fact that he doesn’t know what it is that he’s holding, he recognizes the value of it, and through that, he is able to really have the upper hand in a lot of these back and forths that he has predominantly with Lucius Malfoy. But Malfoy also is trying to bait him; he says, “Dumbledore never told you that the reason you bear that scar was hidden in the bowels of the Department of Mysteries?” And this is getting to what you were talking about earlier, Eric and Shelby, rightly calling out Dumbledore…

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Huh?”

Micah: … Harry is, once again, informationless in a very compromising situation.

Andrew: Yeah, and that is disappointing. But I will also say that the Death Eaters aren’t exactly prepared either. They’re showing their hand by letting Harry see that they cannot let the prophecy be destroyed, and I consider this a pretty big oversight that they should have planned for. What if one of them was just hiding in the shadows as Harry got closer to them, got to where the prophecy was, then as soon as he picked it up, that’s when you do “Accio prophecy”?

Eric: Right.

Andrew: Before he even knows you all are there and knows he’s been duped.

Shelby: The kids knew nothing about what was about to happen, and still, Lucius and the other Death Eaters are standing aside and doing the classic villain thing of like, “Let me announce what’s about to happen to you, hero.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: “He-he-he.”

Andrew: Spend some time to go, “Ha-ha-ha!”

Shelby: And that gives them time, yeah.

Eric: Too busy monologuing.

Laura: Right.

Shelby: Little bit.

Laura: Well, and I think that’s a great point, Shelby, because what that illustrates to me is that we’re again in a situation where the bad guys are underestimating children, just like Umbridge did a couple of chapters ago.

Eric: Oooh, when will they learn?

Laura: Yeah, they won’t.

Eric: It’s just… what I appreciate, too – and this is a moment less, I think, called upon by me in rereads – is that without speaking at all, just by putting, I think, the heel of his shoe on Hermione’s feet, Harry, while completely keeping Lucius at bay, is able to signal to Hermione that there’s going to be a moment at some point where they’re just going to run, and there’s not anything more than that. Harry steps on her toe, she goes, “What?”, and he can kind of hear their breathing, but in the interim, when Harry is conversing with Lucius, Hermione is somehow, undetected by the nine other Death Eaters in the room, also communicating to the kids, [whispers] “You guys, there’s going to be a moment,” and the fluidity with which everyone scatters at the exact right moment is a credit to this group of kids.

Andrew: Yes.

Eric: This group of kids…

Micah: Well, it’s a credit to Hermione… I mean, Hermione doesn’t do much the rest of the chapter, so it’s nice that she has her moment here.

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Laura: Right.

Micah: Sorry.

Andrew: That struck me, too, though. I was impressed that they could work together like that.

Micah: Nonverbal communication.

Andrew: Yeah!

Eric: It’s good! For a chapter that’s so visceral and physical – there’s a lot of punching and people getting hit, people getting thrown against desks and stuff, stuff that would terrify me – everyone does pretty darn well for the interim period, for when until the Order can show up, and by the time the Order shows up, the Death Eaters are exhausted because they’re chasing these kids all around the Department of Mysteries. So you really get a sense, more than the chapter a few weeks ago where we entered the Department of Mysteries and we started talking about some of the rooms, I also got an appreciation reading this chapter for how it’s a bit like a maze, and how this is actually a pretty cool battlefield to be lost in, or it’s a different environment that is unfamiliar enough to the kids and the adults that it puts these uneven wizards on equal playing field, and it works to their advantage.

Micah: One thing I did want to go back to for a second is there’s a mention during the back and forth between Lucius and Harry about how the Dark Lord wondered why Harry didn’t come sooner, but what if he did? It’s not like the Death Eaters were prepared for Harry to show up any day that he got some random vision from Voldemort, right? It seems highly unlikely.

Eric: It’s a bit of a weird line.

Andrew: Yeah, since Harry doesn’t know this place, why would he be getting there any sooner than he did?

Micah: Well, I think the point from Lucius was that if Dumbledore had told him more about the prophecy, that Harry would have had more of an inclination to show up sooner. But my point is it’s not like they could have been monitoring this room 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and Harry decides he’s going to show up on a random Tuesday.

Andrew: Right, right. And having the Ministry otherwise empty.

Micah: Right.

Eric: That’s it! They got everybody out of here. They couldn’t have done that with a few hours’ notice.

Shelby: And also, if Harry already knew about the prophecy from Dumbledore earlier, would the new information from Voldemort be where the prophecy was? Because otherwise, Harry could have gone looking for the prophecy that was about himself anytime in the last five years, if Dumbledore had mentioned it to him and he was interested, right?

Micah: Well, and the other thing is Dumbledore knows the prophecy.

Eric: Right.

Micah: He doesn’t need to tell Harry, “Hey, you should go check it out in the Hall of Prophecy.” He can repeat it for him.

Andrew: But he doesn’t want to tell Harry the prophecy.

Micah: Of course not. Make his life harder.

Laura: Well, see how that works out.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, because the damage that it does is so much worse. But this would be the year, especially if you get to, like, February of this year, right? And it’s looking very much like Voldemort is trying to make a go for the department. It would seem prudent to tell Harry at that point, “Okay, so this weapon is actually a prophecy; here’s a little bit about it,” and he could show him the whole thing, or just tell him about it, but it would solidify that there’s actually no reason ever for Harry to go there, because it should be pretty obvious, I think, at least to Dumbledore, that the reason Voldemort is trying to entrance Harry to go there is because then “You need to be the one to grab the prophecy off the shelf.”

Micah: Voldemort needs him to do it.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. It’s still unclear. And Harry asks the question why Voldemort himself couldn’t do it, and the other Death Eaters kind of giggle, but that’s, I think, a valid question, because there’s ways to do that stealthily. I mean, he was in Hogwarts stealthily for an entire year. You don’t think he could find a way, fully able-bodied, to get down there and take the prophecy himself? When no one’s guard is up?

Laura: Right. I have a question for the group: Do we remember earlier on in the book…? I think it’s the chapter where Harry and Malfoy get into a fight in Potions; Harry ends up getting detention for it, and Malfoy says to Harry, “Don’t you know? If it were me, I would want to know.” Do we think that Lucius put Draco up to trying to goad Harry, because there hadn’t been much movement, and the Dark Lord was like, “Let’s see if we can rattle his cage a little bit”?

Andrew: That’s a good catch. I would say that’s exactly what’s going on.

Micah: I like that a lot. Maybe not goad him, but I wouldn’t put it past Draco to overhear his father talking about something either, so that could just be Draco being Draco as well.

Eric: And it’s interesting, because what Lucius knows about the prophecy is somehow that it explains why Harry has his scar. So up to a certain point… we know exactly from Book 6, I think, when Snape stopped overhearing the prophecy being made, which he then reported to Voldemort. So we know how much of that prophecy Voldemort knows, but Lucius essentially, in goading Harry here, tells Harry exactly what the prophecy is about. “It’s why he came after you as a baby, and it has to do with why you have the scar.” And so Lucius knows quite a bit, actually, about the prophecy without actually knowing the contents.

Micah: Yeah, there’s a really just great exchange between the two of them, and they’re playing on each other’s insecurities quite well. And Eric, you alluded to this a little bit earlier, but the moment where Harry calls out the fact that Voldemort is, in fact, a half-blood, it’s actually a really great tactic on his part because it’s throwing all of the focus off of him and his friends and back on to the fact that, number one, he said Voldemort’s name, but he’s calling into question his authenticity, right?

Andrew: Yeah, it throws them off-kilter a little bit, the Death Eaters, and it’s probably something they don’t think about too often, or at least not as a group, because my feeling on this is they don’t care that he’s a half-blood so long as he is giving them what they want, and that’s the ability to rule over the wizarding world and to continue to be so hateful and to take down Harry Potter. It doesn’t matter to them; they’re sticking their head in the sand. They’re hypocritical. Shocker.

Shelby: I agree with Andrew, and also think that we see the same thing happen in the real world throughout history and today, right? We see leaders who are hateful, whose followers are hateful, even against the leader’s own family members or own background. I don’t think I need to say more about it than that, but just that we see that happen, and people are willing to turn a blind eye or put their head in the sand if their ultimate goal is, they think, being progressed or advanced.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: That kind of cognitive dissonance is, I think, definitely something we can all relate to real world examples. My thinking here is that Voldemort being a half-blood is probably the worst-kept secret amongst Death Eaters, and probably something that gets whispered about when they think he’s not around and they can’t hear him. But ultimately, I feel like this group of people would just be like, “He’s one of the good ones.”

Eric: Ohh.

Shelby: Yeah, totally.

Laura: Which is also a real life thing that happens.

Micah: Speaking of Patreon earlier, we did a bonus MuggleCast talking about this very topic following Episode 472, so folks can check out more of the discussion there. But I do think that maybe there is no real distinction for the… or maybe there’s almost a… they don’t look at Voldemort and Tom Riddle as being the same person. And Laura, I know you kind of called out the fact that how many of them actually know anything about Tom Riddle? Presumably, maybe from his days at Hogwarts, they’ve heard whispers about him, but they don’t know the story the way that Dumbledore knows the story, the way that Harry ultimately learns the story. And I do think there’s this aspect that Voldemort may have just proven himself so much to be this pure-blood maniac that whatever he did in his prior life, the Death Eaters don’t care about at the end of the day.

Eric: Well, and yet, it’s always powerful to tell the truth in a space like this, surrounded by his fanatics, for Harry to just have the power of knowledge of being… he says a true thing; there’s nothing more great or less great than that. He’s telling them the truth, and they are way too blind to hear it. But it does, I think, make them stop. We’re actually in the presence of Voldemort’s biggest fanatic, Bellatrix Lestrange, and even she takes half a beat to think of any…

Micah: Well, it happens because she calls Harry a filthy half-blood, and he’s like, “Oh, by the way…”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: “By the way!” There’s always value in that. There’s always value in telling the truth.

Laura: Wait, canonically, isn’t Bellatrix pregnant at this point?

Eric: Well, depends on if Cursed Child in your eye is canon.

Laura: Okay, well, let’s assume that it is.

Eric: Ugh.

Laura: Was the author’s intention that Bellatrix was pregnant during all of this? Because she’s probably thinking, “Oh my God, my child is not going to be a pure-blood now.”

Micah: Oopsie.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: It would be around this time, sometime between the Battle of the Department of Mysteries and the skirmish in Malfoy Manor.

Micah: Oh, she’s got time. [laughs]

Andrew: She’s got time. But she’s just getting turned on now, that’s for sure. Things are heating up.

Eric: Oh, and Bellatrix is such a forgiving person. Even though Voldemort is half-blood, she still gets with him.

Micah: But kudos to Harry, because this is a great diversionary tactic on his part to take the attention off of himself and the rest of the DA that are present, and get them ready to start running, like you said, Eric. And we’re going to take a run with them; we’ll be right back to fight some Death Eaters.

Eric: Yeah!

[Ad break]

Micah: All right, we are back, and I think it’s fair to say we want to see this entire chapter, at least what’s left of this chapter, Max’d.

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

Micah: That’s actually what it sounds like when you break a prophecy in the Hall of Prophecies.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: “Aaahhh, you broke a prophecyyy…” Yeah, I mean, I think something that was really exciting reading this is Dumbledore’s Army lessons are paying off here. This is what it was for. This is what they trained for.

Micah: I did want to ask about that, though. Before we really get into the details of the battle itself, what are our thoughts on the sequence of it? Because presumably, a bunch of teenagers would not normally be able to use their juvenile spells to fend off Death Eaters, and the fact that Harry and company can work their way through the Department of Mysteries battle with spells like Stupefy is a little hard to imagine.

Andrew: Do you think maybe the Death Eaters weren’t expecting much from the kids? It was going to be a lot easier?

Micah: I think there was some of that.

Andrew: Yeah, they’d be scared. They’d be ill-equipped. They know that Umbridge has been ruling at Hogwarts for the last term or two, for the last year.

Laura: Right, so they were probably…

Andrew: They thought it’d be easy.

Eric: Oh, it’s a perfect example of how she, while not directly wishing to do their bidding, 100% made it easier for the Death Eaters to take over and kick ass.

Laura: Yeah. I also think that… and I mean, realistically, I agree with you, Micah; would five teenagers using Stupefy and Impedimenta and things like that, would that work super well against some of the most heinous Death Eaters? Probably not, but I take it back to the read that I have, which is that these Death Eaters are just really underestimating these kids. And the Death Eaters are thinking like Death Eaters, so they are assuming the types of attacks that they would need to withstand would be things that these kids would not be capable of, like Killing Curses and Crucio and all of these other things. So I think it catches them off-guard that the kids are mainly doing things to inconvenience them, and there’s definitely some entertainment in that, even though this is a dark chapter.

Micah: For sure. What do you think, Shelby?

Shelby: I think it goes back to what we were talking about earlier, with the nonverbal planning between Harry and Hermione and the rest of them. And the fact that they knocked over all the prophecies as pretty much their first defensive move in the scene I thought was interesting because, like you were saying, Death Eaters think differently and are thinking about magical attacks, and also very violent or Unforgivable attacks, and they started with something that was physical, and they started the kind of slapstick element. Even though it was serious; it wasn’t written humorous, but it was so physical, as we discussed earlier, and the kids kind of started that. They were like, “We’re not going to fancy magic or evil magic; we’re going to throw a bunch of glass balls at you and see what happens.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Right, and it completely puts them on edge to now have to fend off against the battleground, this unusual… we see time and again how the location itself stumps the Death Eaters, whether it’s the doors they can’t get through, or cabinets they’ve accidentally been knocked into. There’s a lot of, I don’t know, booby traps. It makes the Department of Mysteries so dynamic, and there’s no way the kids could have possibly known that. But it’s fun to see how it shakes out. I think I’m less bothered as I read on, because there are these moments where somebody gets a bloody nose or thrown across the room, that make me feel like everyone just survived, really, by the scruffs of their neck. And so I feel like it’s a close call, and I’m not ultimately sad that somebody doesn’t die during this chapter, but it’s close.

Micah: Well, somebody does die in this chapter.

Eric: [quietly] Yeah.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Unfortunately.

Eric: It’s none of the kids, though.

Micah: Oh, yeah, spoiler. Sorry.

Andrew: All things considered, one ain’t too bad.

Eric: I think he’s still alive. I think SiriusBlackIsNotDead.com…

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: Web archive. Look it up.

Micah: It is such a great point, because the Department of Mysteries in and of itself is like an enemy for both. I mean, it presents its own challenges to both the Death Eaters and Dumbledore’s Army, but I would say probably works in favor of Dumbledore’s Army, because the Death Eaters are just so focused on the mission at hand and not necessarily thinking of using what’s in all of these different rooms to their advantage, whereas Dumbledore’s Army actually does do that. Do we think it’s fair to say that the Death Eaters hold back to some extent? I mean, we see the Killing Curse attempted once on page, but it’s actually interrupted because Harry ends up tackling the Death Eater that was presumably going to kill Hermione.

Andrew: I think Voldemort doesn’t want dead kids at the Ministry. And in the case of this Death Eater getting close to killing Hermione, it wouldn’t surprise me if some of these Death Eaters have a hard time restraining themselves and not fully wanting to listen to an order like that from Voldemort to not kill any kids. Because the Ministry still isn’t convinced, for a little while longer, that Voldemort is back. They’re sticking their head in the sand, and Voldemort doesn’t want to give them a good reason to come out and proclaim that he’s back.

Laura: Yeah. Or at the very least, he doesn’t want the questions to come up. I agree with you.

Andrew: See, Voldemort is a good guy. He doesn’t want to kill children.

Micah: He cares for the kids.

Andrew: Yeah!

Eric: Well, and can you imagine the coverup, though? Because even if they lied about how the kids died, what were the kids not doing at Hogwarts? Even just having these kids be there in that moment, in order to cover that up, they would have to take them to Hogwarts and make up a… like, “There was a rabid giant in the forest that killed them all!” Which, to be fair, actually is totally a thing that they could blame on killing the kids. But no, it’s just so inconvenient, to your point, Micah. It’s a tough situation, but I think the Death Eaters are all willing to kill Harry’s friends, especially if they need to, especially if they get in their way. But at the end of the day, they’re just there to retrieve a little sphere, a little glass sphere. I think all of the Death Eaters collectively are like, “How hard could this be?” And I just… you’ve got to love… obviously, we see Lucius get punished in a number of ways, including at the beginning of the next book with Voldemort’s plan for Draco. But ultimately, Voldemort having to learn that not only did Lucius fumble this whole task that he was given, but that it went on for so long, and ended… they chased through every room of the Department of Mysteries and then still lost it is just extra icing on the cake of… Lucius is just bad at his job at this point, right?

Micah: Yes, and going on for so long, not just in this particular moment, but for months with Podmore, with… why am I blanking on…?

Eric: Bode?

Micah: Bode, yeah. So there’s been multiple attempts to do this. And yeah, look, I mean, Lucius does say at one point; he’s like, “Kill the rest of them, but make sure that Potter survives.” So they do enter this “Enough of this garbage” mode already, right? I think it’s Dolohov attacks Hermione, right? In a way where we’re not sure whether or not she’s going to survive. When I was reading that for the first time, I didn’t know whether or not she was just offed in Order of the Phoenix. So it does start to get a lot more real. We do see a lot more… I know you said broken noses, but the DA really does start to get roughed up here, to the point where pretty much everybody with the exception of… Harry and Neville are left standing, and I did want to talk a little bit about that, because I do think there is symbolism in the fact that it’s Harry and Neville that are left standing in the veil room against all of the Death Eaters. But we do see the DA members in battle for the first time, and I’m curious, how do we think their performances maybe reflect some of the strengths or weaknesses that we’ve seen throughout this year? Any thoughts on any of the members of the DA?

Andrew: Well, first and foremost, I just have to give them credit for the courage to fight. I don’t think that would be easy to do. I’m not sure I would be willing to participate, go into this unknown location and fight these unknown people. To the point about Harry and Neville being the last ones standing of the army, I think definitely that the choice of those two standing last was very intentional. Maybe you could argue somewhere deep down within them the prophecy kind of really motivated them. I mean, Neville was fired up, ready to go, and he had other reasons, but I like to think that there was some special connection there with the prophecy.

Laura: I think so, because the prophecy could have been about either one of them.

Andrew: Right.

Shelby: Yeah, I agree with Andrew and Laura that having Neville there, it was like, who was the prophecy really about? One thing that came to mind for me – sort of about this whole book, but in this scene in particular – is I teach middle school, so kids who are just a little bit younger than this crew is in this moment, and I feel like I see this… luckily, not these big battle scenes against a Dark wizard, but I see Nevilles in middle school…

Andrew: Aww.

Shelby: … who are kids whose school and skills are not coming as easily to them, but at around this time, 13/14/15, some kids are like, “Well, I’m just not good at whatever chosen field; I’m going to do something different than some kids.” The ones who are like Neville are like, “I’ve got to do this, and I’ve got to work hard at it.”

Eric: Oh!

Laura: I love that.

Shelby: I think that we really see that, I think, starting in Goblet of Fire, but especially starting in Dumbledore’s Army, him being like, “I see myself as having weaknesses compared to my peers, and I’m going to have to work extra hard, because I’m not going to let that prevent me from doing what needs to get done, and being a part of this war and being successful myself.” So I just feel like that felt very powerful to me, and that then it really paid off in the scene, that he was able to perform so well under high pressure. And of course, there’s so many other things going on with Bellatrix being there and everything, but that’s kind of what I was thinking about when I was reading Neville in this go-round.

Eric: I love that so much.

Andrew: That’s really cool. Thanks for sharing that.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, Neville is really… to me, he really takes the most hits in this chapter, and the fact that he’s still…

Eric: Loses his wand.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, not only that, he’s the only one that’s left standing besides Harry, which we talked about, but he refuses to leave when Harry gives him the direction to leave, and that’s really where you see the Gryffindor in him shine through. As you mentioned, he does end up losing his wand, so he has nothing… this goes back to the clip you were playing earlier, right? But he’s got a broken nose. He’s had an Unforgivable Curse performed on him. Let’s not forget earlier in this chapter, Bellatrix is like, “Oh, another Longbottom for me to torture into insanity.”

Eric: Oh, God.

Micah: And she says, “Yeah, that’s only a taste.” So he really… it reminds me of when I used to watch WWE back in the day, like going through a full-blown steel cage match, and at the very end, Neville is still standing despite everything that he’s been through.

Eric: Well, he’s certainly also had an annoyingness jinx put on him, because I can’t stand reading all of his exclamations as he’s running around. He’s missing spells, but his heart is in it. His heart is in it.

Micah: Well, I mean, I don’t blame him.

Laura: He’s a ride or die.

Micah: He can’t even walk at this point because of the curse being put on him.

Eric: No, I’m not trying to suggest I would do any better in this situation. Actually, what impresses me is exactly what you said, Micah, that he sticks around, and also that he’s not precious about his wand at all. It’s his father’s wand, so in a way… we’ll have to go back and see what Frank Longbottom… what spells Neville cast at who, what Death Eaters got hit by Frank Longbottom’s wand tonight before it was destroyed. That would be kind of a neat little sleuth read to do. But ultimately, there’s so much stake put in this chapter of the people here killed these kids’ family members, not just the torture to the point of insanity Frank and Alice Longbottom, but the guy who killed the Prewetts is here. That is Ron’s uncles. And that was said… I think that’s Dolohov, and it’s said that he’s here. So they’re actually face to face with not just henchmen; they’re face to face with people that tangibly have altered the course of these kids’ lives. And it’s a bit… I think it’s understated, because there’s so much chaos, but yeah, it’s pretty impressive.

Micah: For sure. And the rest of the crew have kind of been taken out. As we’ve mentioned, Hermione is out for most of this battle sequence, and it’s also worth mentioning, it’s her, Harry, and Neville who are together, and then it’s Ginny, Ron, and Luna. And Luna gets knocked out at one point; Ginny gets knocked out at one point. Ron, kind of in Ron fashion, takes himself out of the equation. [laughs]

Eric: I hope he’s okay, by the way. Neville is like, “I think he’s all right. He was still fumbling with the brain thing in the other room when I last saw him.” And I’m like, he’s probably dead, if you see how aggressively that thing was… Ron was in no place to defend himself against that, and Neville did not see him escape from it.

Micah: Well, as luck would have it, the Order do show up to save the day.

Eric: But not…

Micah: Well, no, Sirius shows up, just nobody saved the day for him.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Dumbledore was a step too late, as always. Do we think it’s fair to say that the level of battle elevates once the Order shows up? This goes from “Maybe you have a nasty curse thrown here or there,” to “Shit’s on right now.” [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, because it’s adults fighting adults, and the adults on the good side are pissed that the Death Eaters have been fighting these children, and they want to get this done, and they’re mad about the fast one that Voldemort pulled on Harry. They’re mad about a lot of things, so there’s just a ton of tension in the air.

Eric: And I’m sure they’ve all in their own way – maybe not as much as Sirius – but I’m sure they’ve all been pent up, all been waiting for a confrontation like this, and here, all of a sudden, it is. They don’t have the upper hand in that Voldemort dictated the day that it would occur, the place where it would occur, and they’re already behind timing-wise, but they also have the upper hand because they still have their energy. Like I said earlier, the Death Eaters are all worn out at this point, and the way it’s described when they burst through the door, Tonks just starts raining spells down. The Death Eaters are essentially sitting ducks. They’re in the open area around the veil with all these steps; it’s really easy for people above to be looking down casting spells than it is for the people down below to get out of the way. So it’s really nice, cool staging, honestly.

Micah: Definitely. Yeah, it gets real. I mean, I couldn’t tell, when Mad-Eye’s eye was just kind of rolling around, was that…? Is that like a tactic he uses?

Eric: Oh my God!

Micah: Or was he just knocked out somewhere?

Eric: Could you imagine him just taking it out of his eye socket, giving it a little kiss, and going, “Show me everything,” and rolls it? And then it…

Andrew: It seems silly for Mad-Eye to lose control of his eye like that. He’s a tough guy. He’s a fighter. For him to lose control of his eye is surprising.

Laura: Well, doesn’t it…? Wasn’t he unconscious, and didn’t it say his head was bleeding? I don’t…

Micah: Oh, maybe that. I missed that. One of the great moments that we’re really not given in the Order of the Phoenix movie is this entrance by Dumbledore. Of course, we see him arrive at the atrium to face Voldemort, but the fact that he was a part of this particular battle… it’s very cool to see all of these Death Eaters trying to scramble away like little rats, because they want absolutely nothing to do with Dumbledore.

Eric: Yeah, and he’s plucking them up.

Andrew: And it leads up to the next chapter, titled “The Only One He Ever Feared.” It’s a nice little appetizer. But I do like how the movie did it, because it is cool to just see Voldemort and Dumbledore basically one-on-one. It kind of builds up the anticipation more. That said, I would like to see what happens in the book Max’d, to see Dumbledore fighting alongside everybody else.

Laura: Yeah. I don’t need a Pokémon battle.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I will say, I’m really hoping that we get a different interpretation of the veil scene. I know that’s at the very end of the chapter, but I just found the movie version to be too smooth, too sanitized. It was just like, “Oh, he’s just floating away,” and it’s like, that’s not really what happens. He literally slips the mortal coil in front of everyone, and it’s supposed to feel very jarring, and you don’t get that in the movie, I don’t think.

Shelby: I just remember when the series was first coming out and reading this book, and there was lots of talk after each book came out of who had died, and were they really dead, and stuff like this. And I was someone who was very convinced that Sirius was still alive because there hadn’t been a Killing Curse, and because we didn’t know about the veil in the same way that we knew about the way other people had died, other characters. And I felt like seeing the Killing Curse in the scene in the movie, I was like… that totally changed for a movie-only viewer, like, “Okay, he just got shot by a evil villain; that’s all that really happened,” as opposed to this very question mark moment, which Lupin and others talk with Harry about and try to help him understand that Sirius isn’t coming back. But that felt like a very open question to me, just because it was the Department of Mysteries. It was a mystery what would happen. Who knows if he was dead?

Eric: That’s a great point.

Shelby: So I don’t know.

Andrew: And that is one of the nice things about the entire series, is there are… she did leave room to speculate. She did leave doors open. So that would have been a nice thing to include in the movie. But unfortunately, I think sometimes with filmmaking – not that I’m a filmmaker – but they’ve got to dumb stuff down for the audience, because people are stupid and they really need it spelled out for them. It’s like when a character in a movie says, “What do you mean?” to the other character so then the other character can spell it out for the audience.

Shelby: “He’s really dead!” they said.

Andrew: [laughs] Right.

Micah: I would just add, too, if you want to dismiss the recklessness of physically where Sirius is in the room and not having the awareness, I think more of the recklessness you could argue came from the fact that he was goading Bellatrix. He says to her, “That’s all you got?” And this woman is deranged. Do you really want to be challenging her? And I mean, honestly, Sirius is kind of out of practice.

Andrew: Yeah, that’s true. But he’s got a chip on his shoulder. He wants to fight like it’s the good old days. And I will give the movie a plus one for when Sirius says, “Nice one, James!” That’s not in the book.

Micah: No. No, it’s not.

Andrew: In the book, it’s just “Nice one.” I thought that was a really clever little addition.

Eric: I think Sirius can tell the difference between Harry and James.

Andrew: Oh, I know he can tell the difference between the two, but I think in the moment when they’re fighting and Sirius is just… it’s bringing him back to his glory days, and I think he just instinctively says, “Nice one, James.” Not that he confused the two.

Eric: Well, that’s, I think, what people would tend to point to… if you’re in the business of oversimplification, which the movies are, the line makes sense as “Nice one, James.” But I liked reading this chapter, reading him go “Nice one” to Harry, because it’s the first thing they say to each other in person in months, and it feels satisfying. It feels like a part one to an eventual part two, where they’re going to be at Grimmauld place, around a fireplace, able to recount their victories in just a few short hours, but it doesn’t happen.

Micah: Yeah, if he’s a portrait.

Eric: Aww.

Micah: But I did want to call out what Becky said in the Discord: “Maybe Bellatrix’s spell made Sirius move slower.” Perhaps she used something like Impedimenta.

Laura: Maybe.

Andrew: She wants to witness a slow death.

Eric: I also think there’s got to be some level of flowers to give to Sirius, not just because of his funeral, but because of holding his own against a deranged killer for probably five or ten minutes? Like, come on. That ain’t easy, right? So he does eventually… she gets the better of him, but the reason he’s goading her is because he’s had enough success to have the freedom to go to her. So he’s doing all right at first, until he’s not.

Andrew: Can I move into this odd and end?

Micah: Yeah, the last thing I just wanted to say about this scene is that it establishes Bellatrix as one of the big bads in the series moving forward.

Eric: Yeah, that it does.


Odds & Ends


Andrew: So a couple of odds and ends. When an unnamed Death Eater’s head turns into a baby, Harry is about to cast a spell on the Death Eater, but Hermione stops him and says, “You can’t hurt a baby!”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: This is giving baby Hitler argument to me. “You can’t hurt a baby.” No, that’s an adult Death Eater that brought themselves there. They can be hit or killed. I have no sympathy for baby-headed Death Eater.

Laura: I don’t either, but I actually think it’s smart to keep him on the board, because you just avoid him, right? He’s not really dangerous to anyone at this point; he’s just Frankensteining his way around. So if anything, he’s making things harder on the other Death Eaters.

Andrew: But it’s good target practice for the kids, because if they hit the head – and it’s a small head – that’s pretty impressive. If it was a full-size head, that’d be too easy.

Eric: I think it’s the kind of question… it’s not a question of whether the Death Eater made all the wrong choices, but I think the question is, if you hold up your wand and actually go to attempt a spell that would severely harm this thing, could you? Could you physically? Because looking at a baby face, could you cast the spell? And probably not.

[Andrew gasps]

Eric: You can’t hurt a baby. Doesn’t mean you’re not capable, but when it really came down to it, would you?

Micah: I’m with Andrew on this one.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: It’s fun to think about.

Micah: But Laura makes an excellent point, though, in terms of it causes more chaos, which I think only works towards Dumbledore’s Army advantage in this particular case. Well, one thing we didn’t mention is that the prophecy gets destroyed…

Andrew: Oh!

Micah: … so Lucius is going to be a whole lot of hot water when he gets home to mommy Voldy. But we do hear at least one prophecy.

Andrew: [Trelawney voice] “At the solstice will come a new…” [back to normal voice] And then there’s a second one… [Trelawney voice] “… and none will come after.” [back to normal voice] So we don’t… it’d be cool if this was just one prophecy, but it is two separate ones, it seems, so we can’t really analyze this too much.

Micah: It is.

Andrew: Does anybody have any fun guesses what one or the other…?

Micah: I think there were a lot of theories about this back in the day.

Laura: Yeah, there were.

Andrew: No, but… okay. I mean, “At the solstice will come a new…” summer solstice, winter solstice…

Micah: Summer solstice, new book.

[Andrew and Shelby laugh]

Eric: Yeah, it sounds very run of the mill. How do you measure time? And it’s the rotations of the Earth. It feels very archaic, like, “Oh, at the solstice… when the sun meets this and that point in the sky and…”

Micah: I think people thought that’s when the final book was going to come out, because “none will come after”?

Eric: Oh, that’s fun.

Andrew and Laura: Ohh.

Andrew: Well, and it did come out on the summer solstice.

Micah: Did it really?

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: It was June 21.

Micah: There you go.

Andrew: Is that right?

Laura: No, July.

Andrew: July 21.

Micah: Oh, July.

Laura: It was Harry’s birthday month.

Eric: I mean, we still had to get through Book 6 first after this, but yeah, eventually.

Andrew: Wait, wait, wait. July 21, but the solstice is in June. It’s June 21.

Laura: Oh. Well, never mind.

Andrew: Damn it.

Micah: We tried.

Andrew: I blame her publishers. Maybe she wanted to…

Eric: This reminds me of when we did the predictions of Tycho Dodonus or whatever for… I think it was either a bonus or on an old MuggleCast, where we were just like, “Let’s get crazy with prophecy.”

Andrew: Yeah. But the Order of the Phoenix book came out June 21, which was the summer solstice, so there you go.

Eric: That was the solstice.

Andrew: There, we found the connection.

Micah: But these prophecies are unrelated, so we shouldn’t be trying to pair them together.

Shelby: But more books came after.

Andrew: But it was two separate prophecies.

Micah: Anyway. [laughs] That wraps up our discussion of Chapter 35.


Superlative of the Week


Micah: Now for some MVP action. I wanted to know, if you were able to give Dumbledore some entrance music to the Department of Mysteries – that cold, hard stare he had on his face – what would it be?

Andrew: “Abracadabra” by Lady Gaga. It’s magical. There’s a line “death or love tonight.” [singing] “Abracadabra, Abracadabra… feel the beat under your feet…” Dumbledore is dancing in. And Gaga is pretty dark in it, so that’s my choice.

Micah: Have you seen the Wednesday version of that? The performance?

Andrew: I have not, no.

Micah: I’m going to send it to you. I feel like you’ll really like it. Do you watch Wednesday?

Andrew: I do not.

Micah: You should.

Andrew: All right.

Micah: But anyway, that’s a story for another time. Eric, what about you?

Eric: I’m going to give it classic entrance music. “California Love,” Tupac featuring Dr. Dre.

Micah: [laughs] Okay.

Eric: For some reason, just the [beatboxes] as he’s coming down…

Micah: It’s so sad we can’t play music anymore.

Andrew: Dumbledore’s car bouncing up and down.

Eric: Yes! Dumbledore’s car is out back. Yes, Andrew, just that. You get it.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I love it.

Laura: I went with “Toxic” by Britney Spears. Little bit of a throwback. It’s just… I don’t know; I feel like I could see John Lithgow Dumbledore waltzing into the Department of Mysteries, ready to kick some butt to this. And he is a little toxic, so it fits.

Micah: Shelby?

Shelby: I definitely pictured… because Harry is whispering to himself, “We’re saved,” so I was definitely imagining Harry singing “Holding Out for a Hero,” à la the Fairy Godmother in Shrek 2.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: I was going to say, this is very much Shrek 2 right now. [laughs] “Where have all the good men gone?”

Micah: And I know I made a wrestling reference earlier, but I just think of… if anybody here on the panel has heard Stone Cold Steve Austin’s entrance music in WWE, it’s just a bunch of shattered glass, but it’s just the way he comes out when that music hits. He’s just trash talking, smashing beers together, ready to kick some ass, and that’s what I see Dumbledore doing in this moment.

Andrew: Love it.

Micah: Are you watching it, Andrew?

Andrew: No, I’m not watching it.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: The song… I think his intro theme is “Hell Frozen Over”?

Micah: Yeah, I don’t know what the real name of it is. People in the Discord will know.

Eric: Apparently it’s inspired by the classic song “Bulls on Parade” by Rage Against the Machine.

Micah: Is it now?

Eric: Yeah, good stuff.


Lynx Line


Micah: And then over on our Lynx Line, we asked our patrons the question of the week, which is which Death Eater would they most like to team up with for this battle? Switch things up a little bit. And reminder for those Death Eaters, at least that we get by name: Obviously we have Malfoy, but Nott, Jugson, Bellatrix, Rodolphus, Rabaston, Crabbe, Dolohov, Macnair, Avery, Rookwood, and Mulciber. So there’s quite a few to choose from, and our patrons, as always, did not disappoint.

Andrew: Yeah, they put on their Death Eater masks and answered this one. “Nott, Theodore Nott, because fanfic has led me to believe he doesn’t agree with his father.”

Laura: Fair enough.

Eric: Ning Xi says,

“Tagging along with Bellatrix because she is way too eager to prove herself, so I’m just going to let her do her thing, and I can appear to also have helped. Yes, I am lazy like that.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Classic.

Micah: Michelle (TheOtherMinister) said,

“Lucius Malfoy. It would be my great pleasure to wipe the smirk off of his cowardly, simpering face, and then knock him right on his back. He would never even see it coming.”

Andrew: Whoa!

Micah: So we have a lot of patrons here who are acting as double agents.

Andrew: Wanting to screw with them. Yeah, wow. How Snape of them.

Laura: Love it. Laura says,

“The one who falls into that little glass time machine thingy and ends up with a baby head. I would just bring him along and have him smash the place up and confuse my enemies, so I can secretly strike them all while hiding behind babyhead.”

Andrew: [laughs] Babyhead.

Shelby: Tony says, “Bellatrix, because she needs a friend, and she is a take-no-prisoners kind of person.”

Andrew: That’s thoughtful. Anne-Marie said,

“I like the idea of tagging along with Bellatrix, because she would be so productive that it would make it look like I did something too. But I think I would actually tag along with Lucius Malfoy because Moldy Voldy would be so focused on his failure that he would overlook my lack of action.”

[Eric and Shelby laugh]

Andrew: Wow, some of our listeners are lazy too. That’s what I’m getting from these.

Laura: Hey, work smarter, not harder.

Eric: That’s the Slytherin motto.

Laura: That’s the lesson.

Andrew: Not even sure they’re working to begin with, but okay.

Eric: Rachel says,

“Rookwood. He used to work there, and can maybe answer all my questions. I’d be so annoying with how many I ask that he’d storm off, giving the Order one less opponent.”

I love that creative solution to problem-solving there, Rachel.

Micah: Parth says,

“Dolohov is my go-to. The man took down Lupin and Tonks in quick succession, and he nearly finished off Hermione with a nonverbal curse while wandless earlier in the book. That’s talent. He’s ruthless, dangerous, and doesn’t waste time with theatrics. In the chaos of battle, Dolohov is the guy who gets things done – fast and vicious. I’d stick close to him and let the bodies hit the floor. (Stepping into the dark side.)”

Andrew: [laughs] Wow.

Micah: That’s another good song we could have played for Dumbledore.

Eric: There’s a song, yeah.

Laura: Eleanor says,

“I’m teaming up with Bellatrix because I want to be alongside her (preferably slightly behind her), rather than in any danger of her wild spells going awry and hitting me!”

Shelby: And Robbie says,

“Macnair, because even if I was a baddie, I wouldn’t tolerate animal cruelty and would take pleasure in helping him ‘get lost’ in the Department of Mysteries.”

Andrew: Nice. Well reasoned, y’all.

Eric: Yeah, love that.

Andrew: The Lynx Line is a great way to have your voice heard on the show, whether or not you’re listening live; that’s why we have this benefit. We ask a new question every week, and we invite you to participate by becoming a member of our community at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. If you have feedback about today’s episode, you can email or send a voice memo to MuggleCast@gmail.com. And next week on the pod, we’ll be discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 36, “The Only One He Ever Feared,” because Dumbledore is the best. Don’t forget that now through the end of August, you can get 20% off an annual membership to our Patreon by using code “20YEARS” at checkout, and by becoming a member, you’ll also get the MuggleCast 20th anniversary yearbook if you pledge at the Slug Club level. You’ll have to fill out the form by September 15, and you can check out a preview on our Patreon as well. This is truly the best time of year to help us out. If you’re looking for other ways to support us, you can visit MuggleCastMerch.com to buy official show gear. You can also leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, and please tell a friend about the show. You can visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all of this information, including our contact form and lots more. And if you’re looking for more podcasting from the four of us, listen to our other shows, Millennial and What the Hype?!, for more pop culture and real world talk.


Quizzitch


Andrew: Now it’s time for Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question was: When entering the Department of Mysteries, Harry and friends first encounter a room with many unmarked doors. Similarly, the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose, California, USA has over 2,000 doors in its mansion, which contains 160 rooms. How many windows are present in the Winchester Mystery House? was our question that we asked. Was it A) 2,001 window panes, B) 10,000 window panes, C) 665, or D) 4,000? The correct answer was B) 10,000. So 2,000 doors, 10,000 windows in the Winchester Mystery House. 40% of people with the correct answer say they didn’t look it up, and this week’s winners were 142 staircases; A Healthy Breeze; Bort Voldemort; Elizabeth K.; HallowWolf; IDon’tGiveaCorneliusOswaldFudge; It’s a mystery where, but it’s just a little old place where we can get together to admire the love cats; I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me, Micah; Justice and Good Luck wishes to the snifflers that attacked Umbridge’s office; Laura Have You Watched The Umbrella Academy Yet?; Listener who is shy of three times the age of MuggleCast; Lord Voldemort Banana Hammock; Lynn the Allomancer; Pygmy Puff Power; and Stacking Galleons Like Winchester Stacks Windows. I love now that listeners, via the Quizzitch form, are heckling Laura on her binge-watching. That’s kind of new.

Laura: I didn’t take this as a heckle.

Eric: Oh.

Laura: It just seems like they’re curious.

Eric: Well, have you?

Laura: No, I haven’t. I know this is a show that seems like it would be very up my alley, but no, I haven’t. I will.

Eric: Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: In this chapter, Ron gets up close and personal with a human brain when he catches one in his hands. How much does the human brain weigh, on average, in pounds? Is Ron going to get swole for this? What’s going on? Here’s another multiple choice question: Is the human brain’s average weight in pounds A) seven pounds, B) five pounds, C) three pounds, or D) one pound? And submit your correct answers to us on the MuggleCast website on the Quizzitch form that’s there, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or click on “Quizzitch” if you’re on our website via the main nav.

Andrew: Shelby, it was great having you on the show. Thank you so much for joining us.

Shelby: Yeah, thanks for having me. It was fun.

Andrew: Yeah, appreciate your support. You’re in the Discord, too, right?

Shelby: Mhm.

Andrew: Yeah, okay. It’s always fascinating when a member of the Discord comes into our studio. It’s like, “Oh my gosh, we’re getting live Discord action right now.” It’s beautiful.

[Shelby laughs]

Andrew: Well, thank you for your support and for all your contributions today; we really appreciate it. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Shelby: And I’m Shelby.

Andrew: Bye, everyone.

Eric, Laura, and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #716

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #716, Celebrating 20 Years of MuggleCast, and Predicting the Future


Show Intro


Jim Dale: Hello, this is Professor McGonagall, welcoming you to MuggleCast, hoping you enjoyed… Dobby, Dobby, come here. Here, Dobby! Yes, well, I’d just like to say how very pleased I am to introduce MuggleCast to all of you! Thank you! Thank you!

[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter for 20 years and counting. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: We’re your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books, the movies, the upcoming TV show, so make sure you press that follow button in your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode with your Potter people. And yes, this is our 20th anniversary episode. MuggleCast actually launched on August 7, 2005. We’re actually recording on August 7, 2025, coincidentally.

Laura: Wow.

Eric: Amazing how we planned this out to be just perfect like that.

Andrew: Time is a flat circle.

Laura: Yeah, this has been on our editorial calendar for two years, right? We definitely…

Eric: Honestly, I’m relieved to finally get to push it off. Let’s move on now. Gosh.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: It’s like magic, one would say.

Andrew: It’s like magic, yeah! A question we get asked all the time… or at least I do when I tell people I do a Harry Potter podcast, and maybe they know the books and the movies, but they’re not fans, real fans, diehard fans. They always ask…

Micah: “Fans.” I like how you said that.

Eric: “Fans.”

Andrew: They always ask, “What do you guys still talk about? How has this show worked for so long, run for so long? 716 episodes? What?!” What would you three say to somebody who asked that question? I don’t know if you get that question.

Eric: That it’s such a good question, and I think that this is going to be our last episode.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Because now that we’ve discovered, thanks to this person pointing it out…

Andrew: Eric is like, “This is our last episode. We are finally ready to move on from 20 years.”

Laura: What I think of when someone asks me about that is just the fact that I think Harry Potter comes really naturally to this group of people, and we know it so intimately. I mean, we really are Harry Potter encyclopedias here, so I think it’s very easy for us to continue finding new meaning as we’re getting older and we’re having our own life experiences and seeing some very direct threads to real world events. So we’re really able to empathize on the basis of having grown up with these books, and I think it just puts us in a better position as adults to be able to speak to that impact.

Micah: I really like what Lydia said in the Discord, that they should tune in and find out if they really want to know what it is that we’re talking about.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: That’s such a… drop the business card, Andrew, next time; just have people find us.

Micah: For me, I’ll jokingly say, “Well, I ask myself that question all the time: What are we still talking about?” But I really like, too, what you said, Laura, because I think that we’ve found new and different ways over the years to be able to reimagine the discussion. And even now, when we’re going through the books chapter by chapter, we’re not doing it in exactly the same way; we’re not doing it through the same lens. We’re all a little bit older. We’ve had more experiences even from five years ago, the last time we did Order of the Phoenix; the world has changed a lot, so I think we can bring a differing perspective in. And I think the thing that has made this so enjoyable for as long as we’ve done it is just it’s a discussion amongst friends, and that’s the feedback that we get most often from listeners, is it’s like listening to your friends talk about something that you love, and that’s what we do here.

Eric: Laura, I like what you said, too, about us getting into the rhythm. I think we’ve gone and done it and formed the habit of talking about Harry Potter, and that’s just going to be impossible to quit. That’s just not going to be…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Now that we’ve finally formed the habit… it took about several hundred episodes, but now we’ve got it, so we’ve just got to keep going.

Andrew: Yeah, I always tell people the rapport. We’ve got a good rapport together at this point. We know how to work together; we know how to discuss the books together. When you do it for this long, it starts becoming… secondhand? Is that the right phrase?

Eric and Laura: Second nature.

Andrew: It becomes second nature. It’s just very easy for us to bounce off each other.

Eric: People have passed us down.

Andrew: Yeah, right, right. [laughs] We get passed down.

Eric: We get passed down. We’re secondhand now at this point.

Andrew: Yeah, we kind of are.

Laura: Oh no.

Eric: I mean, we’ve had listeners share us with their kids. That’s kind of secondhand.

Laura: Isn’t that cool?

Eric: Oh, it’s amazing.

Laura: I love that.

Eric: I still want to do one day MuggleCast Junior with all of our kids or something; that’s a fun idea. But no, honestly, though, joking aside, when I get asked this question, I really do say the reason the podcast is still around, and what do you really talk about, well, it’s been because of a passionate listener base.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: That people are supporting us on Patreon, they have really determined in no small way these last nine years we’ve had a Patreon – that’s half our show’s history – they’ve really determined and shaped the course of the show, because they showed us that we were still wanted on the airwaves.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And thank you to everybody who has listened to us over the last 20 years. Whether you just started 20 minutes ago or you started 20 years ago, we really appreciate your listenership. And I always say this in the videos I record for our patrons: It means the world to us to have support from listeners.

Laura: It really does.

Andrew: And I mean it! So we will be looking backwards and forwards today to celebrate 20 years of MuggleCast, and there is actually some news in the world of Harry Potter that we’ll be discussing in a couple of minutes, but first, we want to remind you that we have a special deal running right now on our Patreon. To celebrate our 20th, for the whole month of August, you get 20% off an annual subscription. We have never offered this large of a discount before, but this large of an anniversary definitely calls for a very special deal, so visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledge right now. Just sign up for an annual membership and use code “20YEARS” at checkout. Our Patreon is the reason why we have made it this far, why we are still a weekly podcast, why we are able to dedicate time to the show, so thank you so much for your support. And last week, we told you about the stickers you can get when you become a member, and next week, we will be announcing another physical gift that we are offering you this year.

Laura: Oooh.

Andrew: You will get two physical gifts by pledging right now! So this is the best time of year to become a member. Don’t delay.

Eric: It’s going to be real good, you guys. I really want to tease it, but it’s just… it’s going to blow your socks. And it’s a fitting gift to be doing this year in particular, so it’s going to be great.

Andrew: Absolutely.


News


Andrew: Let’s get into some news, and this is one reason why we’re still able to podcast about Harry Potter 20 years later, because the Harry Potter fandom and franchise is very much alive and well. Audible’s Harry Potter full-cast audiobook series has unveiled the premiere date and the cast members. Hugh Laurie is going to play Dumbledore, Matthew Macfadyen is going to play Voldemort, Riz Ahmed is going to play Snape, and Michelle Gomez will play McGonagall. And they also announced the trio; Arabella Stanton, who is playing Hermione in the TV show, is also playing young Hermione in the Harry Potter audiobooks on Audible.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Wait, how did her agent pull that off? Give her a raise.

Eric: Oh my God.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: What I love… okay, so what Meg said when I told her this news was, “Yep, she’s already overachieving.”

Andrew: [laughs] Oh, true.

Eric: It’s very like Hermione to do just that.

Laura: Yeah, it’s very Hermione.

Eric: I love that, for no other reason.

Andrew: It’s really cool. Yeah, so what they’re doing is they’re having three young actors play young Harry, Ron, and Hermione, and then after Book 3, they are being replaced by older actors, which is smart, because this has all been recorded already. The books are done; they’re ready. You can’t have Arabella Stanton, who’s, what, probably 12 years old, voicing Deathly Hallows Hermione. That just wouldn’t really make sense.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: So that’ll be pretty cool. And we did get the release dates; Sorcerer’s Stone comes out November 4, and then the following books all come out a month apart, so Chamber of Secrets comes out December 16, Prisoner of Azkaban comes out January 13, Goblet of Fire February 10, Order of the Phoenix March 10, Half-Blood Prince April 14, Deathly Hallows May 12. So we’re going to have seven months of new book…

Micah: Can you go through that again, please?

Andrew: Why? [laughs] No. Look at it in the doc.

Micah: I think also what this does, seeing the number of people that were cast for these audiobooks, is give me an even deeper appreciation for Jim Dale and Stephen Fry, who did voices for all of these characters, right?

Laura: Right.

Micah: There was nobody else that was joining them in the studio when they were going through and narrating the Harry Potter books. And I know we had Jim Dale on an episode of MuggleCast way back when, and we also got to spend some time with him in Dallas, it was, right? What was it, Portus?

Laura: That’s right.

Eric: Yeah, for Dallas.

Micah: So just a nice bit of nostalgia there as we celebrate 20 years.

Andrew: Yes. That was Jim Dale at the beginning introing MuggleCast.

Eric and Laura: Aww.

Andrew: When he came on our show for an interview, he recorded that for us, and we wanted to add that in to celebrate 20 years.

Eric: I’ve missed that so much. It was so, so iconic.

Andrew: “Dobby, Dobby, come here!”

Eric: “I would like to say how very pleased I am to introduce MuggleCast!”

Andrew: In addition to having a full cast, Audible says that these audiobooks are going to be an immersive audio entertainment experience featuring an all-new score and original music, plus high quality sound design and real world sound capture. And the books are unabridged. So I’ve been saying for a while, I’m very excited for these. This cast was a pleasant surprise. Hugh Laurie as Dumbledore? That’s pretty cool.

Laura: Yeah, that’s exciting.

Eric: I wonder if Imogen Heap is doing the score.

Andrew: [laughs] Who scored Cursed Child?

Eric: They really started a good partnership with Cursed Child, yeah. No, it sounds like… so this is a full-on audio drama, fully produced sort of soundscape, maybe sound effects. At the very least, like you said, a score, Andrew. I really like old school radio plays and podcasts or audiobooks that sound like them.

Andrew: So here’s a trailer for these new audiobooks to give you a sense of what you’ll be hearing.

[Audio clip plays]

Woman’s voice: Harry Potter, like you’ve never heard it before.

Michelle Gomez as Minerva McGonagall: Welcome to Hogwarts.

Frankie Treadaway as Harry Potter: I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me.

Arabella Stanton as Hermione Granger: We could all have been killed, or worse, expelled.

Max Lester as Ron Weasley: Follow the spiders! I’ll never forgive Hagrid. We’re lucky to be alive.

Riz Ahmed as Severus Snape: I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death.

Hugh Laurie as Albus Dumbledore: The truth, it is a beautiful and terrible thing.

Matthew Macfadyen as Voldemort: Harry Potter…

Woman’s voice: Harry Potter, the full cast audio editions.

Frankie Treadaway as Harry Potter: Expecto Patronum!

[Audio clip ends]

Andrew: I feel like I’m going to need a special, fancy pair of headphones to fully experience this immersive audio experience.

Eric: Maybe, yeah. It’s the pan that they adjusted…

Andrew: [laughs] Great pan.

Eric: Honestly, just a pair of stereo headphones. The pan!

Andrew: Micah, did they hire you to do the “Choo-choo”? I heard a “Choo-choo” at the beginning of that trailer.

Micah: Well, I can’t really speak to that right now.

Eric: Oh, he’s under an NDA.

Micah: Maybe not the “Choo-choo.” It’s possible that I might appear in future books, so I can’t really…

Andrew: As the goat?

Micah: Well, you’ll just have to wait and find out.

Eric: “And featuring Micah Tannenbaum as southern Hagrid, for some reason.”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: For some reason.

Eric: They loved it so much, listening to our old chapter readings on Patreon.

Micah: Yeah, that’s actually a new dialect that they have. They’re going to announce this; I guess I can spoil it here on the show…

Eric: Please, we need content. It’s 700 episodes. We need to keep doing the show.

Micah: Yeah, so it’s going to be great. It really is. Southern Hagrid, Sorcerer’s Stone. You haven’t heard anything yet.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Wow, what a tease. I do like for us that they are releasing these a month apart. I don’t know how we’ll cover these, if we do at all, but we should maybe review each one? We’ll have to talk about it off air and figure it out. But yeah, I’m looking forward to this. I think the monthly releases are cool too. It’ll give people something to look forward to each month if they’re really into this.

Eric: It’s a relief for me, because I’ve had been having some Audible credits build up.

Andrew: Oh.

Eric: I didn’t know exactly how I was going to…

Micah: Now you know how to spend them.

Eric: Well, and it beats paying cash, so it’s good for me.

Micah: I will say I was surprised at just how much like Hermione – or how much like Emma Watson – Arabella Stanton sounds in that one clip that they played.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I mean, that’s an iconic line that’s definitely going to serve as a throwback to the OG, because they also used that one in the trailers for Sorcerer’s Stone back in 2001, so I think they were probably trying to evoke that nostalgia to kind of bring people in.

Andrew: Kyle, who’s listening live on our Patreon tonight, also observed that he believes that these audiobooks were in production before casting began for the Harry Potter TV show, which would imply that Arabella Stanton got this gig for the Harry Potter audiobooks. And maybe when they were casting for the Harry Potter TV show, they were looking at these voice actors who were already working on the series, and were like, “Damn, Arabella Stanton is really standing out to us.”

Eric: Man, stinks to be that Harry and that Ron actor. They didn’t get it for the TV series.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I know.

Eric: No, no, I’ll tell you what I love about the Ron actor, who’s like, “Follow the spiders?” in that clip. It’s so reminiscent to me of Sorcerer’s Stone video game Ron. “Oh, beans!

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Just total real, real young Ron Weasley. So it’s going to be, I think, a treat. And Hugh Laurie was actually in a comedy duo, it was A Bit of Fry and Laurie, with Stephen Fry. So now both the men have done Albus Dumbledore.

Micah: It’ll be interesting to see, too, if any of that tracks… like what we’re talking about with Arabella Stanton; is there anybody else who is a voice actor in the audiobook series that ends up getting cast in the TV show?

Andrew: Yeah, maybe.

Eric: I want to see Michelle Gomez on TV again. That’d be great.

Andrew: [laughs] I think… now, in the case of Arabella Stanton, she also has the Hermione look. With all due respect to Max Lester and Frankie Treadaway, who are playing Ron and Harry respectively, I think they might look at those two kids and be like, “Well, they don’t have the look that we’re going for.”

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Whereas Arabella Stanton was probably the full package for them.

Eric: Well, I’m glad they’re no longer dying the actors’ hair, because that didn’t do so many favors for the kids in the movies.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: And Andrew, you had a quote initially in here, I think, from Hugh Laurie. It was really nice to hear him talk about, though, sort of the history of Dumbledore, and the fact that he feels like he’s taking on this iconic role that was previously played by Richard Harris, Michael Gambon, Jude Law, and then he also pays a little bit of tribute to Jim Dale and Stephen Fry as well.

Andrew: He has a way with words. He said, “Just below the horizon, but headed our way, is the rough beast John Lithgow, his hour come round at last. This is great company, and it’s a privilege to be among their number.” [laughs]

Eric: You know, Hugh Laurie… it didn’t dawn on me until you were reading that in kind of a sinister manner there, Andrew, but Hugh Laurie really can bring the dark side to Dumbledore and then the sweet, Chocolate Frog, Honeydukes version of Dumbledore, too. I really actually can’t wait for his portrayal.

Laura: Yeah, I agree.

Micah: Are you drawing this from House and the kind of character he was there? I mean, he was definitely a little bit more edgier.

Eric: A little edgy, yeah. A little edgy.

Laura: Well, also, if you look at his work with Stephen Fry, but you also look at his work in various Brit coms from I think the ’80s and ’90s, he’s also capable of being extremely funny and lighthearted, so I’m really excited to see him be able to sort of bridge the gap between those two things for Dumbledore, because we know it’s there.

Andrew: All right, well, we will revisit these audiobooks when there’s more news to share, or when the first one comes out in November. November 4, specifically.


Predictions on early MuggleCast


Andrew: So I thought it’d be fun to look back on those early episodes of MuggleCast, and I pulled some predictions that all four of us made. To put the show’s launch in perspective for everybody, we launched MuggleCast just about three weeks after the Half-Blood Prince book was published, so fans were feverish for ways to discuss and think about what might happen in Deathly Hallows. So let’s pull out the Time-Turner and look at some of the earliest predictions that we were making.

Eric: This comes from Episode 2. Kevin and Andrew predicted that Snape either had a relationship with Lily or that he had a crush on her. If he had a crush on her, it would explain why he hates Harry so much; he may have become bitter over his and Lily’s friendship getting destroyed because she chose James.

Andrew: That one was pretty right. [laughs]

Eric: Why didn’t we just…? We should’ve just ended the show there. We got it, you guys.

Laura: Right.

Eric: Wow.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Let’s look no further. I don’t think we’re going to find a more apt prediction.

Laura: Yep.

Andrew: Some of… we got some good predictions back in the day.

Laura: We did.

Andrew: Yeah, and that was the fun of the show.

Micah: You should have read that in a Kevin voice.

Andrew: [imitating Kevin] “Thank you. I nailed that one.”

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Well, not long after that, on Episode 3 Jamie asked the question if Albus Dumbledore is really dead, to which Eric said, “Yes, Albus Dumbledore is dead.” Jamie cried and didn’t return for the rest of the episode.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Will he be coming back in another way, though? Possibly. There is always the portrait in his office that Harry could talk to. So a better question is, yes, he is dead, but is he really gone?

Eric: Man, my first episode of MuggleCast, I predicted the Cursed Child.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Unbelievable. Harry is talking to Dumbledore’s portrait in his office. My God.

Andrew: Do y’all remember there was the website DumbledoreIsNotDead.com as well?

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Oh, yes.

Andrew: With all these theories trying to argue he didn’t actually die? I thought that website was awesome.

Eric: That was a great website.

Micah: Is this what birthed Dumbledore’s Tower of Terror?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Maybe it partly was inspired by that theory and book, yes. Or website.

Laura: I was going to ask you, Andrew, as well, is that website naming convention what inspired you to purchase DumbledoreIsNotGay.com?

Andrew: Yes! Oh, I forgot about that! Yeah.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: That was bad of me in hindsight. I shouldn’t gay deny. [laughs]

Laura: I mean, it was satire.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah.

Laura: All right, next one here is from Episode 5. In this one, Eric predicted that there would be a big chance that one of the remaining Horcruxes would be at Hogwarts, possibly the Sorting Hat, Gryffindor’s sword, or something entirely unknown to us.

Andrew: Ding ding ding.

Laura: Dang, Eric. Look at you.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, dust off those shoulders.

Micah: You’re three for three.

Eric: Yeah, hair flip.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: I think that I was overwhelmed by how much was left for Harry to do following Book 6, and so looking back, maybe it made sense to have a Horcrux be at Hogwarts. Also, because Hogwarts is such an important part of the books, I maybe speculated that we’d be going back.

Andrew: Important to Tom Riddle, too, Hogwarts.

Eric: Yeah, that’s a good point.

Micah: Andrew, I think it’s time that you put Eric in their place.

Eric: Augh.

Andrew: So on Episode 6, Jamie responded to a fan theory that Harry could be a Horcrux. Voldemort put a part of his soul into Harry on accident, and it happened when the spell backfired, and it definitely wasn’t on purpose. Eric and Ben disagreed with that.

Eric: Would never happen. It would never happen.

Andrew: But in Eric’s defense, that was a hotly debated theory.

Laura: That was a hot debate.

Andrew: People were very split, yeah.

Eric: Everything was Horcruxes. You guys don’t understand. Three weeks after Book 6, the introduction of Horcruxes, we literally were getting voicemails, so many that we had to ask people to, in the earliest episodes of MuggleCast, stop sending in questions about Horcruxes! Please!

Andrew: [imitating Ringo Starr] “With peace and love, peace and love, no more Horcrux theories!”

[Eric laughs]

Micah: No, we didn’t have peace and love back then.

Eric: No, no, but it’s fun to ret-con it, because that’s kind of the tone.

Laura: Totally.

Eric: No, the thing of it is… this is what’s amazing about all of us getting a chance to question and predict… all of this is spot on, the fact that Harry is a Horcrux, but it’s not an intentional thing. That’s right in there. That’s dead on.

Micah: What I love about this, though, is this is what made the show so much fun early on, was all of these different theories that were being thrown out there, and that we could literally sit for hours on end and debate whether or not we thought they were actually true.

Andrew: Yeah, because you could find arguments on both sides all over the Internet, on COSforums.com – that was MuggleNet’s forums – and all the other forums.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: We were getting tons of emails, like Eric is saying. Friendships died over the “Harry is a Horcrux” debate.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: That was tearing people apart. It really was.

Eric: Oh, you’re not wrong.

Laura: I definitely remember there was also a movement to go through the books with a fine-toothed comb to find every inanimate object that has ever been mentioned ever, and that just launched a thousand theories about what the Horcruxes were.

Andrew: Oh, wow.

Laura: Do you guys remember that?

Andrew: No. That does not surprise me, though.

Eric: But I do remember getting… because we learned about the locket, and there was that theory that the locket they all couldn’t open in Book 5 would come back and was the locket at the end of Book 6. So we knew that the author was the kind of person to put these clues in, and inanimate objects seemed perfect for it. So here’s one from – moving ahead in time – Episode 14 of MuggleCast: Ginny and Harry’s relationship will not be a big part of Book 7. Them being together will not depend on whether Harry defeats Voldemort or not. Harry and Ginny will have moments together in Book 7, but they won’t be in an actual relationship until Voldemort gets defeated, because there will be too much going on before that. Laura, this was your opinion then. Have to say, you were right, girl.

Laura: Yeah, no, I mean, I’m just perceptive like that.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: There were bigger fish to fry, right?

Eric: There was. There was.

Andrew: They put a pin in love. They’ll circle back to it later.

Laura: [laughs] Oh, God.

Micah: There’s battles before.

Eric: Kyle says in the Discord, “It’s also wild to me how strong Harmony still was after Half-Blood Prince, and you guys would have to navigate those tides in messages.”

Laura: That’s so true.

Eric: Harmony, of course, being the Harry/Hermione shippers, who occasionally still get mentions on this show from time to time. But that was a big swath of people, for sure.

Laura: Yeah, shippers were very serious back in the day. Not to say that the same themes don’t exist today, but it was a whole other thing. People legitimately had fights in online forums, sometimes at conventions, about ships, particularly the Harry and Hermione or the Ron and Hermione ship.

Andrew: It kind of makes me think that for the TV show, they should change some of the outcomes or plot lines a little bit, like who gets together with who.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Just to rock the boat and leave people surprised.

Eric: Oh my God.

Andrew: Harry and Hermione should get together.

Micah: I think they should pair up Harry and Luna.

Andrew: In a relationship? That seems beautifully platonic to me, that friendship.

Eric: Sure.

Andrew: But if that’s what you want, Micah. Micah is a…

Micah: I’m just trying to get Ravenclaw some more action.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: No, I was… honestly, when Luna was introduced in Book 5 – I know we’ve talked about it on the show before – I thought that’s what was being set up, because she and Harry have so much in common, and they can just connect on a deeper level that he hadn’t been able to connect with anyone else up until that point, so I thought that’s where it was going.

Eric: Yeah. I like the possibilities. I like that there were possibilities. There was more than one girl in the room. It’s nice.

Micah: Well, on Episode 21, responding to a voicemail from a fan who was wondering about Harry’s scar and whether or not it was going to disappear or stay after Voldemort’s death, all the hosts agreed that the scar would not disappear; it’s there forever. And even if Harry got the choice to remove it, he would choose to keep it instead. He’s proud of his scar, and he wouldn’t be complete without it.

Andrew: I wanted to include this one because, of course, we were all expecting the book to end with “scar,” and that didn’t happen.

Eric: Ahh.

Andrew: But we had some scar talk going on anyway, some other scar theories.

Eric: I think that was originally what was supposed to happen, right? That the scar would disappear or not be visible?

Micah: Fade?

Andrew: Ohh.

Eric: Yeah, I think the original… so we knew that the series was supposed to end in “scar,” and not “All was well.” Still angry about that. But I think the full sentence was later revealed to have… it was going to have been, “Only those that loved Harry could see the faint outline of his lightning bolt scar.” Something like that.

Andrew: That would have been nice.

Micah: “All was well.” I’m going to bring back a segment right here right now…

Andrew: Oh.

Micah: It’s called “What’s Buggin’ Micah.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: What’s Buggin’ Micah! Yeah! Play the sound effect!

Andrew: What’s buggin’ you, Micah?

Micah: It’s too fairy tale ending.

Andrew: Hmm.

Laura: Yeah, well, and also, apparently it wasn’t.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: No.

Micah: You’re right.

Laura: That’s the whole point of Cursed Child. [laughs]

Eric: You’re closing the door on Cursed Child there, Jo. Closing canon. That was a lot of the complaints contemporarily.

Andrew: Yeah, it broke canon. Cursed Child broke canon.

Eric: [laughs] Well, that’s not all it did. Or that’s not the only place.

Laura: Yeah, true. Next one is coming from Episode 23 on Fawkes not trying to save Albus Dumbledore in his last moments, and how that could be a sign that Snape isn’t bad and that the death was planned. Either way, Albus Dumbledore is definitely dead. Even if the curse didn’t work, the fall from the Astronomy Tower would have for sure killed him. Shout-out Astronomy Tower of Doom, or whatever we’re calling it.

Andrew: Tower of Terror.

Laura: There we go.

Eric: Dumbledore’s Astronomy Tower of Terror.

Laura: Snape may have had an Unbreakable Vow with Albus Dumbledore promising him that he will kill him instead of Draco. During the Astronomy Tower scene, Dumbledore may have been begging Snape to kill him instead of begging him for his own life. Oh, and you’re making me credit myself with this.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Thanks. Thank you. I’ll take it.

Andrew: It’s just the order that it went in. That’s all.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: But yeah, this one was spot on.

Micah: This was another big theory at the time, that Snape was actually good and he was acting on Dumbledore’s orders. The whole “Severus, please” line. And I think in the movies, Michael Gambon does a much better job of letting viewers in on what’s going on just in his delivery of those words than maybe it would have been for us as readers reading it on the page, because obviously we don’t have the tone or the delivery. But I thought – and I’m curious your all’s thoughts – having watched that, that it was pretty clear that Dumbledore was asking almost for mercy in that moment.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: I can see that, because he kind of said, “Severus… please.” He pauses.

Micah: And he makes that facial expression as well when he does it.

Andrew: Yeah, like he’s ready. Yeah, I could see that. And we’re talking about the audiobooks and the TV show; it’ll be interesting to see how John Lithgow plays it, and of course, now Hugh Laurie plays it as well. I mean, we’ll have to probably give the directors of the TV show and the audiobooks a lot of credit for moments like that, if they pull it off correctly. From Episode 45: The Hogwarts grounds will be where the final battle takes place. If that’s really the case, the scene would be very emotional. Micah guessed that the final battle will take place at Godric’s Hollow. I need to look up who actually said…

Micah: Well, in Cursed Child, it does take place in Godric’s Hollow, doesn’t it?

Andrew: I’m sorry, Micah. That doesn’t count.

Micah: Oh. Damn.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Not my canon.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: This was my prediction that I made, that it would take place on the Hogwarts grounds. Kind of a safe bet, maybe.

Micah: That’s a stretch.

Andrew: What?! It’s not a stretch. It’s on the grounds of Hogwarts.

Micah: [laughs] That’s what I’m saying.

Andrew: Oh, oh. [laughs] Ouch.

Laura: Yeah, I vividly remember being so against this idea, and I’m pretty sure there’s recording of me out there saying that if the final battle is at Hogwarts, that’ll be the stupidest idea ever. [laughs]

Andrew: Why? Why didn’t you like it?

Eric: I still think it’s… [laughs]

Andrew: What?!

Laura: Honestly, it’s kind of basic.

Eric: Yeah. Well, back-to-back books, right?

Laura: Right, and we just had this in Book 6, yeah.

Eric: Book 6 has this huge intrusion of Death Eaters at Hogwarts. No, I was with Laura, I think, at the time if I’m remembering correctly, because there were so many amazing battleground places that it could have been. We could have gone back to the Department of Mysteries, and that wouldn’t have been stupid, because it wasn’t twice in a row. Or whatever, whatever. Anyway…

Andrew: But it’s Hogwarts. Hoggy-hoggy Hogwarts.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Hoggy-woggy Hogwarts.

[Laura sighs]

Eric: Hoggy-warty Hogwarts. [laughs]

Andrew: Hoggy-warty.

Laura: It’s just… I don’t know. Voldemort just can’t get over high school.

Eric: No.

Laura: That’s the story of this franchise.

Andrew: Grow up.

Micah: Come on, bro.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Unbelievable.

Micah: But Hogwarts was a character, and I feel like it needed to be there in the final scene.

Andrew: Agreed. It was where it all began for Harry, really.

Laura: True.

Micah: And Voldemort.

Andrew: Yeah. Unless you want the final battle to happen, like, at Privet Drive. [laughs]

Laura: I mean, I don’t know. I think there’s a world of possibilities, if you want to talk about expanding the universe. If we think about what happens if the International Statute of Secrecy gets blown right open, what happens to the wizarding world in 2025 when we have the Internet and smartphones, and magic is going to be a lot harder to hide. If they wanted to expand on this franchise and build out the universe so that they could tell more stories and make more money, those are some things they could do. Bu those are just some ideas, if you want to hire me.

Eric: I think that’s pretty good.

Micah: Hired.

Eric: And our last in this segment of fun, old predictions – we should do this more often – comes from Episode 55, where Micah predicts that the Weasley twins are going to die by the end of Deathly Hallows. I actually looked this up; that episode we were joined by Brandon Ford of the MuggleNet editorial…

Micah: The Underground Lake.

Eric: Yeah. I know you were an avid reader of that segment.

Micah: I was.

Eric: But yeah, evidently it was revealed at Radio City Music Hall that maybe two people were going to survive of the trio, or at least Ron and Hermione. The question was, were two people spared? And Micah, you said, “I think the Weasley twins are going to get it.” That’s at the very end of Episode 55.

Laura: I mean, you were half right.

Andrew: Yeah, you were.

Eric: You were half right.

Micah: If I’m to try and remember what I was thinking back then, which… no chance.

Andrew: Yeah, how’d you have such a sick thought?

[Eric laughs]

Micah: But probably because when you look at a family as large as the Weasley family…

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: The probability? Wow.

Micah: … the probability is pretty high…

Eric: This is iron-clad.

Micah: … and we know what almost happened to Arthur in Order of the Phoenix. And I also think that… okay, now I know why I said this, because of what happened to Molly’s brothers, Gideon and Fabian Prewett.

Andrew: Ahh.

Micah: They died in the first war, and we know that at least in part, Fred and George are named for Gideon and Fabian. So history may have a way of repeating itself a little bit.

Andrew: And Fred rhymes with dead. It was written in the stars.

Eric: George rhymes with…

Andrew: Porridge.

Eric: … gorge.

Andrew: Gorge. “My brother’s going to get gorged to death.” [laughs]

Micah: Well, George does get maimed. It’s not like he gets away from it scot-free.

Eric: That’s true. They both get pretty… he’s cursed. His ear’s cursed off.

Micah: He’s holy.

Eric: He’s holy. [laughs]

Micah: Saint George.

Eric: Oh, man.

Andrew: Eric mentioned doing this more. I want to give a shout-out to Kim, one of our listeners, who at one point a few years ago went through every episode pre-Book 7, and logged all of our predictions that we made. And we have the timestamps; we have the episodes. It’s a 47-page doc, so we could do this more often. We were doing it a few years ago.

Laura: Yeah, it’s a great idea.

Andrew: But it’s just wonderful to have this resource where we can look back at all of our old predictions.

Laura: Totally.

Eric: Well, thanks, Kim. Yeah, this was fun to revisit.

Micah: Talk about saints.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Yeah. And later in today’s episode, we’ll be making some new predictions about the future of the fandom, so stay tuned for that.


Things we would have done differently


Andrew: So I thought 20 years later, we could ask ourselves if we could change one thing about the show’s past, or our presence or personality on the show in the past, what would it be? Because we’ve changed a lot in 20 years. We’re different people, and that’s okay; there’s nothing wrong with that. But this question is inspired by how we get different things out of the books as we have reread them over the years. So if we listen back to early episodes maybe, is there anything we wish we did differently? [laughs] Micah, I’m going to be really nice to you to kick things off here.

Micah: Aww. What do you want?

Andrew: [laughs] You were the MuggleCast news anchor. You had the news studio, and for a while – I don’t know how long exactly – you just were our news man, and you would pop in to read the latest headlines, and then we would discuss them. But then eventually, you just came onto the show full time. So my wish is that we broke you out of the newsroom dungeon sooner, and you were just a regular panelist sooner.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. We made him wait 11 weeks, so nearly three months before we were like, “Okay you can join us.”

Andrew: “I’ve done my time!” Micah, do you remember back then thinking like, “Why are they relegating me to this two-minute MP3 file every week?”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Micah: Well, no, not really, because I felt, in part, I needed to earn my way on.

Andrew: Darn right.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: We’re still waiting, by the way.

Micah: Ohh. Anyway.

Eric: [laughs] I’m kidding. You crushed those segments! Those segments were some of the biggest laughs of those early episodes. They were amazing.

Micah: Yeah, I had a lot of fun doing the news segments. And like you said, Andrew, they were pre-recorded, so it wasn’t like I was live with the rest of you when you were recording…

Eric: That would have been worse.

Micah: … and I think the joke finally was when I popped up post-news airing…

[Eric laughs]

Micah: … that everybody was shocked that I somehow found my way onto the show. But I do actually like the fact that the news became recorded during the show, because it allowed for more conversation, interaction…

Andrew: Exactly.

Micah: It just was very weird early on recording it and then having you all react after the fact. I feel like at times you had to edit in… if I made a joke or I made fun of another cohost, you would have to insert certain things in there, because otherwise there would be no kind of natural reaction to it. So it was probably more work on your end at times, or whoever was editing then.

Andrew: Maybe. It did just feel backwards for us to have you read all these different news items, and then we kind of backtracked and discussed everything you just said.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: Well, it was good to have a… I thought it made us sound so professional to have a prerecorded news roundup, and then as soon as it stopped being a thing, it’s like, “Okay, we don’t need that.” But it was really, really cool to begin with, especially because Micah did such a good job of it, curating it. I mean, I’ve told this story, too, but my favorite joke that you’ve ever made on the prerecorded news segment was… there was some trailer – I think it was for Goblet of Fire – that was going to be premiering on ABC or something, and it was going to be premiering before Joey, the Friends spinoff.

Micah: Oh no.

Eric: You were like, “Seeing as how there are only five people that watch this show, and we know who you are, we asked the former cast members of Friends to send in the tape.”

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: I was just like, “Oh my God, the shade! The shade.” It’s amazing.

Micah: Like I said, I had a lot of fun working on those news segments.

Andrew: Another thing I would change… and I can’t beat ourselves up over this; they’re mainly business-focused items. We did come up with Pickle Pack very early – that was like Patreon before Patreon – but it would have been cool if we did something even earlier, or if we came up with a mailing list, started collecting people’s emails to notify them about new episodes of the show, or just starting our social media channels sooner. We also gave away a lot of free advertising, it kind of felt like, which I wish we didn’t do. Maybe I’ll save that for a bonus MuggleCast some time behind the paywall.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: But I feel like we gave people more free promo than they probably deserved. That sounds mean. [laughs] I might cut that. “Deserved” is a strong word.

Laura: But no, I mean, I think there’s something to that, right? Because we’ve talked before on the show about how we were all so very young when we were doing this, that we didn’t know what we were doing. Nowadays stuff like that that would be immediately obvious to us – because we’re adults – just wouldn’t be when we were that young. It was kind of a… it was a really unique point in time, where the Internet, in terms of finances, was also kind of the Wild West. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, yeah, there weren’t laws written yet to say how it was supposed to go.

Laura: No, right.

Eric: Or even web traffic, and that kind of thing was just like, “Okay, you’ll give me what? All right, that seems fair,” not knowing what’s going on. But yeah, I’ll kind of go… for my thing, it was very to do with early social media also. I mean, we really… as a show, we predate YouTube being out of beta, Facebook; social media itself wasn’t… if it was a thing, because there was MySpace, it really wasn’t what it is today. The world just didn’t work like that. The Internet didn’t work like that. And a couple of years into our show, two or three years in, 2007/2008, is when some of our friends in fandom started to get big on YouTube through doing web vlogs and things like that. And my… I’ll say regret, but if we had a Time-Turner and could do things differently, I would say that would have been the time to really get on YouTube. We could have ridden that first wave of chronically online teens who could have boosted our signals; our channels could be even larger than they are through… but again, through hard work and regular content posting. But I always wonder what could have been. I always wonder… now we’re on YouTube; now we record video, and it works very seamlessly, and it goes on YouTube, and there have been many videos over the years that get a lot of views because we publish them to our YouTube. But to have utilized YouTube in the way that some of those early – you wouldn’t even call them influencers – at the time used, would be an interesting alternate timeline to see how things would have developed over there.

Laura: Well, yeah, especially if you look at some of the people who were on the cutting edge of YouTube at the time. And I mean, we’re all around the same age, so they were teenagers, early 20s, doing their nerdy shows about things they were really into, and a lot of those creators are huge on YouTube now.

Andrew: True.

Laura: Not to make anyone feel bad or anything, but it is one of those things that you do reflect on for sure. I would echo that.

Andrew: How about you, Micah?

Micah: I don’t know that I would necessarily want to change anything about the content of the show. I feel like we evolved the way we did because of all the different things that we faced along the way. I was just kind of thinking about this the last few minutes, and hopefully this doesn’t come across as somewhat controversial, but I do think that looking back on it, at the time, having the author on the show prior to all of the things that have since transpired would have been something that I think we all would have liked.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Micah: Now we all feel very differently as of August 7, 2025, but I look back on the fact that she did go on PotterCast, and she did talk with Melissa and John, and was it Sue at the time?

Andrew: Probably.

Micah: And I remember there were people who had said to me that they felt that we had at least earned that same right through what we did in putting the show on. And so again, I hope this doesn’t come across in any way as being controversial, but I do think that back at that point in time, that would have been something that we all would have appreciated.

Eric: Absolutely. Yeah, we idolized her.

Andrew: And to be honest, we would have asked really good questions.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: No, that’s the loss. That’s the loss that I feel. It’s not never having met her; it’s never getting to ask those crazy, wild questions, like, “Why is the Ministry abandoned? Was it a pizza party?” I need to know.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I take it as a compliment that she didn’t come on, because she was afraid of us. She knew the questions we would ask were too good.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Eric: We would poke holes. We would poke so many holes, the series would just collapse; there would be no more Harry Potter. I feel like had that been a huge priority of ours, we could have then made it happen. But there were various interactions throughout the years, right? We had a letter from her at one point saying, “Do you know we exist?” And she said, “Yes, I know that you exist.”

Andrew: [laughs] She was like, “Yeah.”

Eric: As soon as PotterCast had their interview with her, we wrote a letter saying, “Do you know that we are also a thing?”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: I mean, I didn’t write the letter, so what was it actually about?

Micah: Laura did, didn’t you?

Laura: Yeah, I did. It was just on all of our behalf, thanking her for everything she’d done. And we also sent her a charm bracelet that I bought at the mall.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: $1.99?

Laura: It wasn’t any… I mean, it was cute. It was cute, but I was 18, okay? I worked at Target. That was all I could afford.

Eric: That’s right up there with what Emerson gave her, which was the key to the city of La Porte, Indiana. I mean, that and a friendship bracelet are real close gifts.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Right. So we didn’t get a reply back for two years, and one day in my sophomore year of college, my mom texted me randomly and was like, “You’re never going to believe what just showed up at the P.O. Box.” [laughs]

Andrew: Did you buy the charm bracelet from Spencer’s? Or Hot Topic?

Laura: No! Oh my God.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Did it have Jack Skellington on it?

Laura: No, no, I would never. That’s not her vibe. She’s not…

Eric: No, Laura would buy that bracelet, but she’d wear it herself, because she was…

Laura: Duh. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, duh.

Micah: There were some other things, too, that I thought about. If the show had started earlier, maybe around when Goblet of Fire came out, just thinking about that was such a major, pivotal point in the series, because Voldemort is officially back, and we’re heading to Order of the Phoenix, where the tone of the series really starts to shift. And if we thought that we had theories after Half-Blood Prince was out, I can’t imagine the theories that were floating around at the times of Books 4 and 5 and where the series was ultimately going to go. So I mean, that would have just given us more episodes.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Yeah. No, it’s a good point. It would have been wonderful to speculate pre-Half-Blood Prince as well, or pre-Order of the Phoenix.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. I mean, there was some doing of that on MuggleNet, but not in the audio sphere. I mean, to be fair, podcasts weren’t really a thing, certainly not in 2000.


Lynx Line


Andrew: We also asked patrons what popular topics they would like us to revisit or reflect on. Carly thinks we should revisit “the ways in which our Muggle world has started to become more like the wizarding world over the last two decades. Like now we have ‘live’ photos that are similar to how pictures in the wizarding world move, we have ChatGPT a.k.a. a Quick Quotes Quill, we have our own Fudge in office, etc. I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts and observations of similar inventions/moments that make our world slightly more magical (for better or worse).” Yeah, that’s a great idea.

Micah: I think that’s a bit harsh on Fudge.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, that’s a fair point. Yeah, I mean, we do occasionally comment, and certainly as we’re going through the books when we spot a current relevance. But I like the implication of AI, and whether that is something that is akin to stuff we see in the Harry Potter books, there’s definitely a topic there, for sure. Sam says, “I miss all the silly segments that always got unhinged, hahaha. Make the Music Connection, What’s Buggin’ Micah,” which we had tonight, “Jamie’s jokes, etc. All the early days are such a joy to listen to. Really feels like going back in time.” I agree; there was a certain unpolishedness that would give us all heart attacks now at this age.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, that’s true.

Eric: If we tried to recreate… let somebody like Jamie loose, it wouldn’t work out.

Andrew: Yeah, we’re all still for having fun here. But yeah, it’s gotten a little more… and I think this is just how the podcast industry has shifted, too; it’s a little more regimented, maybe.

Laura: Yeah, a little more buttoned-up.

Andrew: “Don’t forget to follow us in your favorite podcast app.” People have to hear that stuff, so that’s why we say it. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah. No, but that is a call to action for us, I think, that Sam said, of like, let’s continue to keep the spirit of our unhinged teenage selves.

Andrew: Keep it weird.

Eric: Yeah, keep it weird, y’all. Keep it weird.

Andrew: I’m starting to think maybe we should start getting a little more adult on the show.

Micah: Oh, finally.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Wow.

Eric: Micah’s got a whole list of dad jokes of the week.

Laura: I didn’t realize we were going to have a show strategy meeting in the middle of the recording. [laughs]

Andrew: We’ve got to grow up. Parents, unsubscribe now for your kids.

Eric: We’re going to slap that E rating onto every episode.

Andrew: [laughs] Explicit, yeah.

Laura: Onto our Harry Potter podcast.

Micah: And as I think we’ve mentioned on other episodes, it’s hard for us to do Make the Music Connection, because copyright laws.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: [in a nasally voice] We’re not legally allowed to play, yes.

Micah: And the show will get pulled down, and we don’t want that.

Andrew: Yep.

Micah: Rachel says,

“Loved Make the Music Connection, the theories and predictions, and the first reactions to the Wizarding World at Universal. There have also been so many lines that have made me laugh out loud, and so many conversations and topics that have made me feel so seen and were exactly what I needed to hear.”

Laura: Oh, I love that.

Micah: Thanks, Rachel.

Laura: Carlee added that they loved the House-focused episodes. Those were so fun.

Andrew: That was a fun series.

Laura: And those are some of the more recent episodes in our catalog from the last few years, but those episodes were so deep.

Eric: Yeah, 520-something was those? 526 was “In Defense of Slytherin.”

Andrew: And House-focused episodes are probably something we could do more of. There’s a lot to dig into there in comparing and contrasting the Houses.

Micah: We can re-Sort people.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Eric: Yeah, that’s always fun.

Andrew: Michael said, “Old MuggleCast/MuggleNet lore is always fun! Inside joke origins, what some of our old friends are up to, favorite early show memories, etc.” Yeah, and I think we’ll be doing more of that in bonus MuggleCast on Patreon. Behind the paywall we can open up more; we can reveal the secrets maybe we don’t want prying eyes or ears to be seeing. So you can look forward to topics like that, and all of these topics today are great for bonus MuggleCast that we’re reading from our patrons, because right now we’re pretty busy with Chapter by Chapter, whereas bonus MuggleCast opens up the opportunity to talk about other aspects of the wizarding world outside of Chapter by Chapter. And what better time to do it than in our 20th year?

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Are you saying that we’re going to get Wormtaily in bonus?

Andrew: We’re going to get Wormtaily, yeah. Wormtaily part one, part two, part three…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: “Keep the secrets.”

Micah: Don’t keep the secrets.

Andrew: Well, listeners must keep the secrets that we share. [laughs]

Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah. We’re going to give them badges. They’re going to get little pins.

Andrew: I still have some of those “Keep the secrets” buttons. They were handing them out during the Cursed Child shows because they were trying to stop people from spoiling.

Eric: I wonder if they still do.

Micah: You going to put them on eBay?

Andrew: [laughs] I’m keeping them for myself.

Laura: So now here’s what we do: Before you can listen to this episode of bonus, we’re just going to have you sign this piece of parchment, and don’t worry about it. [laughs]

Andrew: You pledge to keep the secrets always and forever.

Eric: James says,

“Pickle Pack, where the darn origins of rabbit rabbit came from, a Seven-Word Summary of the past 20 years of podcasting, Laura’s pants, revisit what went wrong with the Fantastic Beasts movies, maybe revisiting thoughts on the theme parks?”

Yeah, there could be an idea of taking stock of what Harry Potter experiences currently exist, what conventions are still going, what gatherings are still happening, what theme parks there are… I think they’re opening a Universal in England next, I saw somewhere.

Andrew: That’s the rumor, yeah. They’re talking about it.

Eric: There’s a podcast about it now, from some of our friends. So yeah, who knows?

Andrew: The origins of “Rabbit rabbit,” you say at the start of a month, and it’s a little good luck charm. So that’s rabbit rabbit.

Micah: Wasn’t that Matt who first introduced that on the show? I feel like he was the one who I first heard it from.

Andrew: Maybe. I don’t know.

Laura: Yeah, maybe.

Andrew: But James also said a Seven-Word Summary of the past 20 years of podcasting. Why don’t we just do that right now? I’ll load up the theme.

Laura: Oh, God.

Andrew: [laughs] Laura is stressed already.

Micah: What’s the order?

Andrew: We’ll do the host order again.

Laura: No, you’re bringing it back! No! No, I’m kidding.

Andrew: Laura, you might only have to go once. You might be off the hook here.

Laura: Yeah, okay.

Andrew: All right, here we go. Seven-Word Summary of the last 20 years of podcasting.

Laura: Wait, where are we typing it out?

Andrew: I’ll type it right here below the question.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Andrew: MuggleCast…

Eric: … explores…

Micah: … literary…

Laura: … magic…

Andrew: … for…

Eric: … all…

Micah: … time.

Andrew: Oh, okay. There we go.

Laura: Oh, that was great!

Andrew: [laughs] Laura is like, “What was I worried about?”

Micah: We haven’t lost a step.

Eric: Let’s pat ourselves on the back. We still got a whole ‘nother book before we can bring that segment back properly, but we’re going to do it.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: And we did that in 20 seconds.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. “Scar.”

Micah: All right, Barry writes in to say that his “favorite episode to recommend to people is the differences between Fred and George. That episode is so fascinating, and a top five MuggleCast for me. And any episode y’all talk about Jacob Kowalski. Him sending that happy birthday message was sick.”

Andrew: Yeah, the actor, Dan Fogler. That was great.

Laura: Unhinged.

Andrew: Yeah, that Fred and George episode was one of my favorites, too. Telling them apart. How to tell them apart. [laughs]

Eric: It shocked me. What we learned on those episodes where we take a closer look and then learn, “Oh, yeah, you actually can…” there are distinctive personalities.

Andrew: Yeah, I learned a lot.

Eric: Because I always kind of skimmed them in the books, going, “Eh, the twins said this. The twins did that.”

Laura: Right.

Eric: They both didn’t die, though. They are different.

Laura: Fair enough.

Micah: And thank you all again very much for that special birthday message from the one and only Dan Fogler, Jacob Kowalski.

Andrew: Oh, you’re welcome. I don’t think he knew we were going to play that on a podcast.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: I don’t think he knew he was recording the video, to be honest with you.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Do you think he remembers?

Eric: Oh, man.

Laura: And finally, bringing us home, Robert has a couple of recommendations. The first is a fun one, saying, “I’d love a trip down memory lane about your reaction to seeing Cursed Child as opposed to reading it.” Now the serious recommendation, or the serious comment here:

“I’m so proud to call myself a MuggleCast fan because of your very powerful author episodes detailing not only her views and actions, but your staunch opposition to them. I’d love to know how it felt to plan and discuss such a hard topic, in addition to the strength you have to keep pushing positivity as a way to combat the hate.”

That’s really sweet of you to say, Robert, and that feels good. I think that’s exactly the tone we were hoping to strike with that.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah.

Laura: Just encouraging people to be a little more open, and rather than jumping on top of the ugly rhetoric that you see on social media and in the news, take a step back and actually try talking to someone who’s a member of the trans community before you start painting with a broad brush like the author does.

Eric: I think, yeah, just checking in with ourselves, too, and each other is a great resource. We have this relationship that we’ve cultivated over 20 years, and it makes it very easy to have even hard conversations, because we have a lot of respect for each other. So yeah, that was a great… I mean, conversations happened, but it worked out. I’m glad that was well received.

Andrew: Well, thank you to our patrons for sharing what popular topics they would like us to revisit, or ones they remember most. Really fun reading through those. We ask our patrons questions on our Patreon every week and then read their answers on air. If you would like to participate, become a member today at Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and don’t forget, we currently have a special offer; use code “20YEARS” at checkout to get a discount on an annual membership.


Predicting the future


Andrew: Now, we were experiencing some of our predictions we made in the earliest episodes of MuggleCast. Let’s predict the future. So 20 years from now…

Micah: 2045.

Andrew: 2045. What official Harry Potter or wizarding world things will exist that we don’t currently know about? And I’m encouraging y’all to think big here, because we have the TV show coming; we had Fantastic Beasts, the film series; we have these new audiobooks coming. Stuff like that. I’ll kick things off. I think…

Micah: Oh, I know you’re not doing that in a normal voice.

Andrew: What?

Micah: You’re predicting.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: You want to prophesize, Andrew?

Andrew: [imitating Trelawney] I predict…

Eric: There you go.

Micah: Thank you.

Andrew: [imitating Trelawney] The power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches… [back to normal voice] I predict a Harry Potter animated TV show will arrive about the adventures of the Weasleys, and I think it’ll be set at the Burrow at the start of every episode, and we’ll just see the daily antics that are happening within the house. And when you think about it, the Weasleys, they’re like a perfect sitcom family. You have the quirky dad, you’ve got the bossy but caring mother, you’ve got the mischievous twins, and then, of course, you’ve got some kids with really good heads on their shoulders. So I think the rapport between all of them in an animated TV show would be awesome, and animated! Think of the Weasleys animated. Think of the Burrow animated; the color would just be so vibrant. So that’s what I want.

Eric: I like that a lot. It kind of got me wanting a Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle comic book too, which is a comic that Ron has. Maybe… oh, remember how on children’s TV, there used to be… God, what was it? Garfield had half of every episode that was actually the farm creatures or something…

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Eric: … and it was 15 minutes of Garfield with the farm. Maybe they could do that, where it’s the Weasleys at the Burrow, and then also Martin Miggs, some Muggle somewhere, as a two-for cartoon series. Hire me. Thank you.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That would be great.

Andrew: [imitating Trelawney] Now it’s your turn, Eric, to make a prediction!

Eric: [imitating Trelawney] It’s a big mantle to take on! [back to normal voice] I don’t have the glasses.

Andrew: You don’t have to do the voice.

Eric: Thank God.

Andrew: It’s very… it strains the vocal cords.

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Micah: You need more Celsius.

Eric: [laughs] I will say that within the next 20 years… if I were betting them, I would say there will be a Hogwarts hotel. It will be, furthermore, somewhere unexpected, like North Carolina, for some reason. And having learned nothing from the Star Wars hotel…

Micah: Is Southern Hagrid going to be the innkeeper?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Oh, man. They could just get Jason Isaacs to do it! Because he did a great North Carolina accent in White Lotus.

Eric: That’s right!

Andrew: Ahh. It’s all coming together.

Eric: Okay, the ideas are… anyway, the Star Wars hotel, which has unfortunately failed, was highly immersive, and I always thought they should do that for Harry Potter. Now, it didn’t work; Star Wars hotel is closing. But if they did that for Hogwarts – go and attend class – it would sell like hot cakes. People would pay whatever it took. So I think that it’s not a source of revenue that they’re thumbing their nose at; I think Hogwarts hotel is coming. I think it’s coming big. I think we’re going to get it in the next 20 years.

Andrew: That would be a pretty… [laughs] Justin, who is listening live, is looking at me with my Trelawney glasses, and is calling me Chuck Schumer…

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: … because I’m very much looking over the glasses right now because they don’t fit on my head and they’re very blurry. But that would be a good bonus MuggleCast for us sometime, too, to dream up a Harry Potter hotel, specifically what that would look like.

Micah: I like that a lot.

Eric: Well, now that The White Lotus is out, I really have some ideas.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: And I do agree with you, Eric, that seems inevitable; some sort of Harry Potter hotel, Hogwarts hotel, something like that.

Micah: So I decided to go with something sports-related, but something I actually think could be a possibility. Quidditch, also now known as Quadball…

Eric: That’s right!

Micah: … is going to become an Olympic sport in the next 20 years, and here’s the reason why I say that: currently, it’s played in more than 40 countries; it combines elements of rugby, dodgeball, and tag with strategic gameplay; it’s fast paced, it’s high contact, it’s multi-dimensional, and it’s great for people to watch, and moreover, it’s highly inclusive, right? And if you look at some sports that are coming to the Olympics in LA in 2028, you have lacrosse, rugby, and squash, and these are very similar to Quidditch. So I think there’s a very high likelihood that at some point, maybe even in the next ten years, that we’ll see Quidditch become an Olympic sport.

Andrew: That’s a cool theory, because there’s some strange Olympic sports.

Micah: Exactly. [laughs]

Andrew: Unexpected ones.

Micah: Break dancing.

Andrew: Yeah!

Eric: Don’t knock it till you can do it.

Micah: Well, I’m not knocking it. I’m just saying, if you can win a gold medal for that, you can win a gold medal for Quidditch.

Andrew: Handball is an Olympic sport. That’s basically Quidditch.

Eric: What about podcasting, you guys? There needs to be an Olympic podcasting team.

Andrew: I’m in good shape for that, so…

Micah: I think we can do it.

Laura: Okay, but just a reminder, 20 years in the future, we’re all going to be around 60.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Thriving?

Laura: Pushing 60.

Eric: And thriving.

Laura: Yeah. Oh, totally. But how many 60-year-old Olympians do you know? [laughs]

Andrew: Well, for podcasting, it’d probably be all about projection.

Laura: Well, yeah, that’s true.

Andrew: [in a deep voice] Welcome to Muggle… see, I screwed it up. I already didn’t even score in the top three.

Eric: No, I was captivated. Yeah, it’s amazing you can just turn that on like that, Andrew.

Andrew: [in a deep voice] Welcome to MuggleCast. [back to normal voice] Gold medal for Andrew.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Sibilance!

Andrew: I like that prediction, Micah. That’s cool. Yeah, they renamed Quidditch to Quadball to get around the legal issues there, and maybe that was a step towards Olympic inclusion.

Laura: Perhaps.

Eric: Yeah, I mean, actually, you mentioned handball, but the USA Team Handball Association helped develop rules for different versions of Quidditch throughout the years that were played live. So I don’t know, but I think they’re probably pretty connected.

Laura: I want to add to the hotels recommendation. I think hotels… I could definitely see full resort situations. But the thing that I really think is going to happen – I don’t know if it’s going to take 20 years, but I think it will happen – there will be a wizarding world cruise. There is no way this doesn’t happen. There’s a cruise for literally everything. If you have an interest in something, if you’re really nerdy about something, odds are they have a cruise for it, so I think there’s going to be a Harry Potter cruise.

Eric: Now I’m looking up if there’s podcasting cruises.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: There are!

Eric: What?! Augh, that’s amazing.

Andrew: You know, Laura, there actually have been some rumors lately that Universal, who has the Harry Potter land, is planning cruises, because also, remember, Disney has a very successful cruise line, so it seems inevitable.

Laura: They do.

Andrew: Plus, Universal is expanding a lot. Eric mentioned that England theme park that’s in the works. Here in Vegas, they’re about to open a year-round Halloween Horror Nights venue.

Eric: That’s right!

Andrew: It’s opening later this month, actually; I’m very excited about it. They’re looking for new opportunities, so maybe there will be a Universal cruise with Harry Potter elements on it to start, or they are just going to do a whole Harry Potter ship. That’d be pretty cool. I would like an adults-only Harry Potter ship, though.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: I went on an adult-only cruise over New Year’s, and that was wonderful. Just being away from children was wonderful for a week. [laughs]

Eric: Well, there goes MuggleCast Junior. Dead in the water.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: I’ll be on a cruise when MuggleCast Junior happens.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I was going to make a funny joke about a wizarding world cruise, is that they will tease that the cruise will go to Rio de Janeiro, and it never will.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Ohh.

Eric: We will never actually get a cruise there; they will just talk about it. It will be the cover photo on Twitter for several accounts, but we will never actually get there. They’ll have a last minute change of plans.

Andrew: Laura, we’ve got to do a bonus MuggleCaster around a Harry Potter cruise too. Now my mind is just spinning with ideas.

Laura: Yeah, I know. Me too.

Andrew: I loved the cruise I went on a few months ago. I’ve got cruise fever now, so we can collab.

Eric: Oooh.

Micah: Look at you.

Laura: There’s some good ideas you could do, and there are definitely some OG cast members who would totally go.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Because that’s the fun of being on these cruises. If you go on a music cruise, the band that you’re there to see is usually on the cruise, unless it’s Kiss, because from what I hear, Kiss just helicopters in for their performance and then they leave, so they’re not on the boat the entire cruise.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: But a lot of times, if it’s a cruise celebrating a fandom or a band or whatever, prominent people from that thing will be there walking around, and you can just run into them. That’s half the fun. I think Tom Felton would go, 100%.

Andrew: Yeah, definitely. All right, well, we have some great ideas here. We’ll revisit these in 2045 and see how right or wrong we were.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: You know, 20 years ago, we wouldn’t have predicted we would have lasted 20 years. So I’m joking when I say we’ll revisit these in 2045, but I’m also not.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Let’s all agree right now to meet here 20 years from now. Even if the show is over, we’ll do a special live.

Andrew: Yes, we’ll meet on a cruise.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Let’s print out this Google Doc; put it in the time capsule. Somebody set a Siri reminder to dig up that time capsule in 20 years from now.


Chicken Soup for the MuggleCast Soul


Andrew: All right, so to wrap up today’s show, we are going to bring back the Chicken Soup for the MuggleCast Soul segment, but we’re going to do more than one message today. We’ve got three lined up to celebrate 20 years and to hear from our listeners, right, Micah?

Micah: These are ones, too, that have been pulled from the Muggle Mailbag over the years, right? So these are ones maybe we didn’t get to. The one from John is a little bit more recent, but we’ll hear from two others, Crissy, which is from 2023, and then Chelsea, which is from 2019.

Andrew: Okay, so let’s start with the voice memo from John.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hey, MuggleCast. This is John from Colorado. I’ve been listening since about Episode 20, and I just want to say how much I love the show. You guys have been with me through high times and low times. You helped me with through anxiety attacks and thoughts of suicide, so I just want to say I love you guys so much. Special shout-out to Andrew and Eric; Micah and Laura, my Ravenclaw brothers from another mother. Special shout-out to Pam and Chloé, of course, and the other hosts who have come and gone over the years. Thank you, Matt, Elysa, Jamie, Kevin, Mikey B., and any other hosts that Andrew may or may not allegedly murdered and buried in Lake Mead with Laura’s true crime podcast help. Love the show, guys. Excited for the TV show. See ya.”

[Voicemail ends]

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Oh, man.

Andrew: Wow. Thanks, John.

Laura: Well, John’s got your number, Andrew.

Andrew: That was pretty sweet, I think.

Laura: I’d watch out. I think America’s Most Wanted is going to turn up.

Micah: You should never joke about making Horcruxes. See what happens?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. We’ve heard from listeners over the years the impact the show has had on them in ways similar to what John is describing, especially offering mental health escapes. And I remember back in 2006 one of our listeners telling us this face-to-face, how important the show was to them and how it brought much needed light to their world, and that just meant everything to us, and it’s one of the reasons we still do the show today. We know the impact that this podcast has had on people, and the impact the fandom has had on people, and just this community, how it’s a positive light in the world, so we are thrilled to still be a part of it.

Eric: Yeah, couldn’t have said that better myself. Every time we hear a story like that, we’re very grateful to have been shared on it and to have gotten to be a part of it.

Micah: Yeah. Our next Chicken Soup comes from Crissy, who says,

“Hi, MuggleCast. My husband and I recently got a new puppy…”

At this point, the puppy is probably a couple years old.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: But at the time, was her first time having one.

“Not sure if you’ve heard of the ‘puppy blues’ but I’ve had them big time for the last few weeks. She’s had tummy troubles and rough nights and I feel like I can’t do anything right… just wanted to say that listening to you guys has helped me out and made me feel a little better. I’m loving all the HBO show discussion and can’t wait to listen to you all for many more years to come, if you’re up to it, that is! Thanks for being such great Harry Potter friends.”

Andrew: Yes, we are up to it.

Laura: That sounds like a dare.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: I was going to say… well, no, I sounded it like they’re really deferring to us. “You guys? Do we think that we’re up to it? Only if you guys are up to it, then I’ll listen to it.”

Micah: Yeah, I gave it a little more inflection. I’m sorry.

Andrew: Thank you, Crissy.

Eric: Thank you, Crissy.

Laura: Next one comes from Chelsea, who says,

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have been listening to MuggleCast for two years and one month and have officially caught up on every episode and every bonus MuggleCast. I became a patron earlier this year so I could continue my obsession and help support the show. When I started listening, I had just had my second child, I was very lonely being at home every day with two babies and family far away, my marriage was falling apart, and my life was just a mess. Since then I have gotten divorced, sold my home, and moved into my own place, fell in love again, and have well and truly picked myself up and moved on with my life.

I want to thank all of you for this, for keeping me sane, for being my friends when they all deserted me, for making me laugh when I wanted to cry, for keeping me company while I looked after two crazy toddlers and tried to get a house ready for sale, and for staying with me through it all. The one constant in my life was being able to turn on a MuggleCast episode, hear your voices, and feel like I was sitting in a room of my best friends. Thank you for continuing to bring light into the lives of all of us MuggleCast fans. You are insightful, funny, detailed, bring a fantastic energy, and I love that literally no theory is safe! Yours in magic, Chelsea.”

Andrew and Eric: Aww.

Laura: And this is from 2019! So we really have a few of these that have been sitting in there. I’m so sorry.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: She’s got a couple of 8-year-olds now.

Andrew: No, it’s nice to look back.

Laura: Yeah, it’s very sweet.

Andrew: It is wonderful to be a constant in people’s lives, and you all have been a constant in our lives as well; the feeling is very mutual. And you’ve been our Harry Potter friends as well.

Eric: That’s right.

Andrew: When we started this podcast, we didn’t have – at least I didn’t have – Harry Potter friends, or really any friends, in real life, so this was my escape to discuss Harry Potter with my fellow Harry Potter MuggleNet friends. Thank you, Chelsea. Well, listeners, if you have anything to add about today’s episode, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. Even if we take six years to read your email on air…

Eric: There’s older emails in there. [laughs]

Andrew: … we promise we’re reading your emails and listening to your feedback as it comes in. So thank you so much for submitting that feedback; it’s always great to hear back from y’all. And next week on the show, Chapter by Chapter continues with Order of the Phoenix Chapter 35, “Beyond the Veil.”

Eric: Oooh.

Laura: Womp-womp.

Andrew: Look forward to our 2025 Patreon gift announcement next week, and become a member now for our best deal ever, 20% off an annual membership. Just use code “20YEARS” at checkout; it’ll get you two gifts, bonus MuggleCast episodes every month, ad-free Chapter by Chapter, a monthly Zoom hangout with the four of us, and a lot more. You can also visit MuggleCastMerch.com to buy official gear, including limited time patron gifts from years past. We’d also appreciate a review in your favorite podcast app, and tell a fellow Muggle about the show. Finally, you can visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all of this information, our contact form, and a lot more. And if you want more of us, do check out our other podcasts, What the Hype?! and Millennial, for more pop culture and real world talk. Well, that about does it, y’all. Any closing thoughts? Comments? Prayers?

Laura: Prayers?

Andrew: I don’t know.

Laura: Do you think something bad’s going to happen? [laughs]

Andrew: No. I don’t know. Anything.

Eric: Well wishes? Honestly, if you’re here right now, thank you. That’s it. We’ve really always…

Andrew: What left is there to say?

Eric: We look forward to doing this show every week, and it’s always been a joy.

Andrew: It really has. Here’s to the next 20 years.

Eric: To MuggleCast, y’all.

Laura: I know.

Andrew: Oh, what are you drinking, Eric? Is that a soda or a drink?

Laura: Oh, man, I didn’t bring a drink.

Eric: Well, I have Cherry Pepsi.

Andrew: Oh.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Oh, you’ve got the glass!

Andrew: What do you have, Micah? What is that, wine?

Micah: It is, yeah.

Andrew: Oh.

Micah: But I don’t sip it during the show.

Andrew: Oh, very professional of you.

Micah: I have to be prepared and ready to zing you back.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: You’re aerating it during the show, right? You know, if I have one regret, it’s that we didn’t do this episode in person so that we could then go out to a bar and just…

Micah: Drink? Cheers?

Eric: Party, and all hold each other. Cry.

Andrew: We’ll rain check on that.

Eric: Yeah, rain check.

Andrew: Thank you, everyone, so much for listening. It is truly wonderful to have you as a listener. We are deeply grateful for your listenership and support, and we will be back next week. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everyone!

Eric, Laura, and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #715

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #715, Pickup On Aisle 97 (OOTP Chapter 34, The Department of Mysteries)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter for 20 years and counting! I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Andrew: I thought you’re going to say, “I’m old!”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Old! I was trying not to say it. But gosh, you guys. 20 years of MuggleCast next week.

Andrew: I want to remind everybody that we’re your Harry Potter friends talking about the books, the movies, the upcoming TV show for the next 20 years as well…

Eric: [laughs] Right, right.

Andrew: … so make sure you press that follow button in your favorite podcast app so you’ll never miss a week with your Potter people. And this week, we’ve got one foot on the ledge of the stone dais, because there’s voices coming from inside the veil. There are people in there! We swear we hear them! We’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 34, “The Department of Mysteries.” Laura couldn’t make it this week, but we are very excited to be joined by Eric’s wife, Meg! Welcome back, Meg!

Meg Scott: Hi! Thank you. It’s great to be back and here to talk about some mysteries and some departments.

Andrew: Is this the first time you’ve been on since you two got married?

Meg: I think it is!

Andrew: Wow.

Meg: I was on What the Hype?! and we talked about cozy games, but I think this is the first MuggleCast that I’m on since we’ve been wed.

Eric: Nice.

Andrew: [emotionally] The first MuggleCast marriage. With current panelists.

Eric: [laughs] I wondered who would get that first, that accolade, but looks like it was…

Andrew: Eric is like, “It’s gotta be me. I gotta make it happen.” [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, quick, quick, quick. Quick, Meg, come over here.

Micah: So how’s married life? Tell us.

Eric: Oh, gosh.

Meg: Um… we hang out with our cat.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: How’s Martha?

Eric: Martha is good. She’s locked out of both of our rooms, though, right now…

Micah: Oh no.

Eric: … so if you hear a loud bang, she’s gone rogue.

Meg: Usually she hangs out with me during MuggleCast hours, but no, I’m on the job tonight.

Andrew: Well, we appreciate you, Meg, hopping on at the last minute. You know your stuff, though. I feel like you’re ready at any moment to discuss Harry Potter, any chapter, anytime.

Meg: Well, we’ll see. We’ll hope.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: And because Meg is our transcriber, she just transcribed the big Department of Mysteries episode we did, so she’s more familiar with our thoughts from eight years ago than we are. [laughs]

Meg: Yeah, I know the theories that you were talking about back then.

Andrew: Well, MuggleCast does turn 20 years old the first week of August. We’re actually recording July 31, Harry Potter’s birthday, so it’s quite a special week in the wizarding world and the MuggleCast world. Harry turned 45 years old, as we discussed in bonus MuggleCast, which we also had a lot of fun with, right, Micah?

Micah: Yeah, we had a great time. We went through all of Harry’s birthdays in the Harry Potter series, so from Books 1 to 7, and then we came up with some gift ideas for him. We gave some gift ideas to some characters. Might have gotten a little inappropriate at times, but that’s the beauty of bonus MuggleCast. When you’re behind the paywall, anything goes. Andrew cannot censor me like he can in this show.

[Andrew and Meg laugh]

Eric: His powers stop at the door to the recording room.

Andrew: Right, the capability just does not exist. [laughs]

Eric: Oh, man.

Meg: It’s Micah unleashed back there.

Andrew: So yeah, MuggleCast turns 20 in the first week of August, and to celebrate, we’ll be doing a 20th anniversary-themed episode of the show next week, so look forward to that. And we’re also celebrating by launching a special deal on our Patreon. We have not done this before. For the whole month of August, you can get 20% off an annual subscription to our Patreon. This is the largest discount we have ever offered on our Patreon. Typically, when you pledge for a year upfront, you would get 10-15% off. Now you can get 20% off for the month of August. Just visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and at checkout, enter promo code “20YEARS.” We really wanted to do a promotion on Patreon, because our Patreon is the reason why we have made it this far, so thank you to everyone who has supported us there. If you aren’t a member, help us reach the next 20 year milestone, and next week – as a teaser I’ll just say now – I want us to make predictions about what’s going on in the Harry Potter fandom 20 years from now, so start thinking about that.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Oh my God. Harry Potter’s 65th birthday. He retires from the Ministry of Magic. Can’t wait for that bonus.

Andrew: Your support helps us keep the show running as reliably as the giant motor powering that spinning room with all those doors, and to thank you for supporting this indie podcast, you’ll get two bonus episodes of the show every month. You’ll also get ad-free episodes, and physical gifts. In fact, we just announced year four of the MuggleCast Collector’s Club; five brand new stickers celebrating MuggleCast past and present are available now. Micah, tell everybody the stickers that we have.

Micah: All right, are you ready for these stickers? There is a sticker to commemorate our 700th episode. We recently celebrated 700 episodes not that long ago. A “I declare canon,” which obviously I can’t do as well as Andrew, with a design inspired by Monty Python. Do we have that clip?

Andrew: “I decl…” Yeah, here, I’ll put it in.

[Everyone laughs]

[“I declare canon!” sound effect plays with thunder]

Micah: That’s what it sounded like here just a hour or so ago.

Meg: Ooh, exciting.

Micah: A birthday cake created by Hagrid just for us.

Andrew: That was so nice of him to do that.

Micah: Not for Harry, just for us. And let’s not forget Quizzitch, with a design inspired by Jeopardy. And a goat with a headset. Wonder who that’s for?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That’s for you. It says, “For Micah.”

Micah: Oh, yeah, but it was weird if I read it like that.

Eric: I know, I know.

Andrew: [laughs] “Just for me.”

Micah: So thank you for the assist.

Andrew: Yeah. So these are all inspired, like we said, by MuggleCast references past and present. We have a lot of fun dreaming these up. We have one more year of the Collector’s Club to go, so please don’t miss out. Patreon.com/MuggleCast; put in “20YEARS” at checkout, and you’ll get 20% off an annual membership. And by the way, we have the Collector’s Club, and then we have a separate physical gift that goes out to Slug Club patrons, and we’re going to be announcing that next week, Eric, is that the plan?

Eric: I believe so.

Andrew: Okay, everybody get ready.

Eric: It’s an exciting time to pledge. This 20% discount has come at the perfect time, because…

Andrew: This is the time of year to do it, yeah.

Eric: It is. Thanks, as always, for those goes out to Anna, who we use, who’s designed the entire Collector’s Club. She has been a wonderful collaborator to work with on this, and is the artist behind all of the magic.

Andrew: Yeah, like our album art, our current album art. She did that as well.

Eric: That’s right. It occurs to me she also did the “19 Years Later” shirt that we did last year that I’m wearing now.

Andrew: She did, yeah.

Eric: So she’s basically our go-to.

Andrew: Well, thanks, everybody. And onward we go into the next 20 years.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: And this week, we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 34, “The Department of Mysteries.”

Eric: As mentioned last week, this was a shared chapter discussion episode. We talked about it on Episode 471 of MuggleCast, called “PUNK’d,” which is what Harry gets in this chapter, Punk’d. And that aired on June 30 of 2020. Here is a clip from our discussion for Chapter 34.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 471.

Laura: Don’t we later find out that that’s the love room?

Eric: Yeah, Dumbledore tells Harry. He asks him directly, “What’s in that door, Professor?”

Laura: And see, this is why I think that probably, under normal circumstances, all these other doors would be locked too, but I could see the Death Eaters opening them except the love door, because they’re like, “Uh, we don’t want to open that one, because that defeated our boss last time.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: Or they’re just like, “Ew, gross. Love.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: “Cooties.”

Eric: “Cooties!”

Micah: Maybe Bellatrix opened it just a little bit, and then that’s why we have Cursed Child.

[Everyone laughs]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Andrew: I do like this segment, because I forget about the things we said. [laughs]

Eric: It’s good to look back. It’s good to look back.

Meg: It’s fun. Fun little reminders.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Eric: And speaking of looking back, there was actually… it’s funny. So 471, we talked about the Department of Mysteries. We also did a big, as mentioned at the top of the show, Department of Mysteries deep dive episode; this was number 374, and that is on our audio feed, and the transcript as well is now available. That’s from June 25 of 2018. That was the episode where we really went room by room and were like, “What are our thoughts?” Which we will be doing some of in this week. But first, you guys, I have to talk about Thestrals, because this very unique way that our heroes get to London for their rescue mission is kind of something that… [laughs] because you’re very excited, the momentum of this chapter is so real – you finally want to get to London, there have been all these setbacks, you finally want to get there – I find myself not often questioning just what really is happening with the Thestrals. So my question to you all, and this is going to sound bad – don’t read too much into it – I just want to ask, why don’t more of Harry’s friends die getting to London?

Andrew: Whoa.

Eric: Because this is a terrifying thing. Half of them can’t even see the creatures they’re riding on. Luna helped them up the thing and was just like, “You got this.”

Andrew: Being up in the air and not knowing what I’m flying on would probably give me a panic attack. I have enough of a panic attack risk on a plane, and I can see everything I’m sitting down on and whatnot. But this, in the open air, flying in on an invisible object, yeah, it’s scary. It’s scary.

Eric: And a living, breathing, beating wings creature too, as well. It just… at one point there’s a scream, and Harry fully expects to look around and see somebody falling. [laughs] It’s just… there’s no protection here! And what would he do if that were the case, if somebody was falling? You really can’t hope for anything here. This is terrifying.

Meg: I think some credit can be given to the Thestrals because, well, first of all, they’re smart enough to understand English; I feel like they also are thus smart enough to understand, “A living thing is on my back, and I’m in charge of them not dying.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Hmm.

Meg: And we also know that Dumbledore rides Thestrals sometimes. Earlier in the book, Hagrid says something like, “Dumbledore takes the Thestrals to London sometimes when he doesn’t want to Apparate.”

Eric: Oh. [laughs] Yeah.

Meg: And Dumbledore is kind of old and rickety…

Andrew: [laughs] Hey. [imitating Dumbledore] “Hey!”

Meg: … and you imagine that if he can survive this, then the others… I also think Ron and Ginny, despite not being able to see the Thestrals, they play Quidditch. They probably have some instinct on how to not die while flying on something in the air.

Andrew: True.

Meg: Neville, while not athletic, he can see the Thestrals, so he’s got that going for him. But yeah, Hermione should have died.

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Wow.

Eric: I had some things I was going to say to some of the middle stuff, but just the end there…

Micah: Given her recent commentary on horselike creatures…

Meg: That’s true.

Micah: … you’d think the Thestrals were listening in the bushes, and they heard her, and they’re just going to back-kick her off mid flight.

Eric: I don’t know whether or not the Thestrals understand English, but I do know they understand the currency of warm blood on their robes. Hermione and Harry’s…

Micah: They understood “London,” so they understood English.

Eric: Yeah, I guess so.

Meg: They understood “Visitors’ entrance.”

Eric: [laughs] They got ’em right there. I wonder if it’s the same magic as owls that kind of lead these flying creatures to a destination. All you have to do is state it.

Micah: So what I imagined when you asked this question was either how I appeared when riding Hagrid’s Magical Creature Motorbike Adventure…

[Eric laughs]

Micah: … where I was gripping on for dear life, even though I was on the motorbike…

Andrew: Yeah, same.

Eric: We rode those together. I was going to say, I don’t remember you falling, hunched half over…

Micah: It’s a great photo, actually; we should find it and share it in the show notes. Or being in the middle seat on an airplane. That’s the worst seat, arguably, to be in, and you just feel like you can’t move, especially if you’re a little bit of a bigger person like myself.

Andrew: Nicole, who’s listening live on our Patreon right now, is saying, “I guess we have to credit Hagrid for having them so well-trained.” And I think we should do that, because we tend to be a little critical of Hagrid on this podcast.

Meg: Maybe Hagrid also taught them English.

[Andrew laughs]

Meg: He’s teaching Grawp English.

Eric: I don’t know… well, is he? Is he really? [laughs]

Meg: He’s taught Grawp five words in English.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. All of his efforts went to teaching the Thestrals English so that Dumbledore could take them to London when he wanted to. So yeah, this is a little less luxurious than one would hope, but it is emergency transport, to Micah’s point and Meg’s point. They do go exactly where they need to. But this is actually not the first invisible thing that our heroes have ridden above the skies of Hogwarts and of London. [laughs] We often love connecting the threads, but I was getting flashbacks to the sometimes invisible Mr. Weasley’s flying car, which also was not as pleasant of an experience as it should have been. But also, just in general, hippogriffs. When Harry rides Buckbeak, they go above Hogwarts. The broomstick, at times it’s been uncomfortable. So I guess what we’re gathering is no magical mode of transportation can just be everything you want it to be, just like no public transit in the Muggle world is 100% foolproof.

Andrew: They all have a bit of danger to them. That’s something we talk about in the wizarding world. Everything’s got a little tinge of danger to it.

Micah: It feels like broomstick would probably have been the best option here, just given how familiar most of them are with it. Thestrals, they’re taking on for the first time, so there’s that element of it, too, where there’s a high level of unpredictability. And presumably with a broomstick – and maybe you could have done this with a Thestral too – could more than one of them have fit on? Instead of making Ron, Hermione, and Ginny ride creatures they can’t see?

Andrew: Yeah, that probably would have been smart. I’m also just thinking brooms would have been smart because, like you said, they know how to use brooms if, heaven forbid, they got into some danger while in the air – Death Eaters, whatever else – they’d be able to act faster, I think, to deflect, fly away, whereas with the Thestrals, if you don’t know how to really control them, you might get into some trouble there.

Eric and Meg: Yeah.

Meg: You’d think that they could have just been like, “Let’s head down to the Quidditch pitch and grab some brooms to go,” especially because Umbridge…

Andrew: [to the tune of “Hot to Go” by Chappell Roan] “B-R-O-O-M…”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: “To go…”

Meg: Brooms to go! Especially because Umbridge is the one who’s been cracking down on everyone, but she’s gone now. She’s not going to stop them.

Eric: Yeah, well, and I’m sure after all they went through to get as far as they did to get rid of Umbridge, the last thing Harry wanted to do was wrestle a troll to get his broom back. But the school training brooms are right there, the cupboard that they’re kept in, or the shed that gets mentioned a couple of times throughout the series, that’s right there. So we are in London, and we are entering the manual public entrance to the Ministry that Harry… so good he was paying attention and knows what numbers to dial on the telephone. But he doesn’t even say thank you to the Thestrals.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I can’t believe it. We need a Harry Sucks count, honestly.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It’s time to start it.

Meg: He gave his Thestral a pat.

Eric: Is that enough?

Meg: I don’t know if anyone else did…

Eric: [laughs] Well, and presumably they’re gone because there’s garbage that they can root through. They’re like coyotes or something.

Meg: Maybe they thought that was their feast. They’re like, “Ooh, dinnertime.”

Andrew: And this is why I’m with you on criticizing Harry for not thanking them, because these poor Thestrals are apparently so desperate for food that they’re going into a dumpster to find something? That’s a sad state of affairs for them.

Eric: It’s crazy, because with most people being unable to see them, especially even in the Muggle world, they could probably get up to some real hijinks in a major city. They could eat anything they want.

Andrew: Oooh, yeah. Steal a lot. If some nice old fellow is sitting on a park bench and he puts his cupcake down and he doesn’t see any birds, but the cupcake starts disappearing bite by bite…

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: He won’t be able to know why.

Meg: There’s some good food in London. Could go get a curry. Go to a chippy.

Eric: Sorry, a chippy?

Meg: You know, a chip shop.

Eric: Oh.

Andrew: [in an English accent] Fish and chips.

Eric: So Andrew, Harry is muttering to himself, and there’s a particular moment that you wanted to highlight.

Andrew: Yeah, so Harry does say, “If Voldemort decided Sirius was going to crack, I would know.” He isn’t feeling any emotion coming from Voldemort – in this whole chapter, actually – and this should have been a major red flag that something was awry. Something’s not right. Maybe he should have slowed down and considered this vision a little more, because if this really was happening, Harry and Voldemort’s connection would have been experiencing something. Because Sirius definitely wouldn’t have cracked for Voldemort. He would rather die.

Eric: Right, and why no follow-up imagery? Why no other flashes? Especially because Harry is going towards where Voldemort is. I mean, Harry’s scar works like a magnet like this, and if they get closer, Harry should be feeling more, not less.

Andrew: Right, right.

Eric: It’s really just been that one vision, and then everything that’s gone on since then could maybe be seen as distracting Harry, but there’s just nothing. Nothing’s coming through on the feed. If you were to turn the television on, it would be static right now instead of…

Micah: But he was so cold he couldn’t feel anything.

[Everyone laughs]

Meg: He was numb to anything.

Andrew: That’s a secret to avoiding Voldemort’s pain through your scar, being cold.

Eric: Oh, man. That’s better than Occlumency.

[Andrew laughs]

Meg: But yeah, rather than… if Voldemort did truly have Sirius at the Department of Mysteries right now, and this was what Harry was feeling through his scar, the only way that would be possible is if Voldemort had said to Sirius, “All right, now we just kick back and we wait,” and then Voldemort stretched out on a nice long chair somewhere…

Micah: Hammock.

Meg: On a hammock, yeah, got out a magazine…

Eric: There’s probably hammocks down in the Unspeakables’ break room.

Meg and Micah: There’s got to be.

Eric: You know they have foosball too.

Meg: Oh, yeah. Air hockey.

Micah: In fairness to Harry, though, Arthur’s vision only happened once.

Meg: This is why, rather than being taught Occlumency all year, Harry should have just been learning Scar 101.

Andrew: [laughs] “How you know your scar’s being honest.”

Meg: Exactly, exactly.

Eric: Yeah. Well, no, and that’s a great point, Micah. That’s well taken. I think you’ve made a similar one before in that… I’ve never really put too much weight on the cleverness of having the Mr. Weasley scene in this book, because it really justifies a lot of Harry and Ron’s behavior. It talks about why they believe in Harry’s vision, and it also talks about why he doesn’t question it. It just plants… it works on so many levels to have had the Mr. Weasley thing happen at Christmas, so that this fake vision can just pervade and escape unscrutinized in June.

Meg: And such an emotional pull, too, because when Harry sees Sirius in danger, that’s Harry’s emotional pull. He’s like, “Oh my God, my godfather is in danger.” And at first Ron and Hermione are both kind of like, “Eh,” but then as soon as Harry is like, “Okay, but Ron, your dad,” that’s when Ron is like, “Oh, yep, I’m with Harry here. We gotta go.”

Micah: And I know it doesn’t mean as much to him in the grand scheme of things, but the Avery vision also is a factor here, because it happened in between the one with Arthur and the one with Sirius, and Harry remembers how painful that situation was for him. Which you could argue should have given him a little bit more of a clue as to the fact that the Sirius one was fake, because he wasn’t feeling as much of an intense reaction to it. But again, he’s now had a series of visions that have occurred which he knows to be true. Why should he not believe the one about Sirius to be true?

Andrew: Yeah. I just feel like if Voldemort was torturing Sirius, he’d be feeling that emotion coming through to his scar.

Eric: Yeah, and Harry would not…

Andrew: If he wasn’t getting what he wanted, he’d feel that coming through his scar. Voldemort would be experiencing some powerful emotion that would be making it to Harry’s head, and he’s not getting it. And I think what we’re supposed to be taking from moments like the one I quoted is that there are some red flags here that Harry isn’t fully digesting.

Eric: Yeah. I remember just a few chapters ago, we went through what were the signs that this was fake? And should Harry have known? And I agree, Harry doesn’t have the level of self-control at this junction where he would be tuning out, or able to tune out what’s going on currently with Voldemort and Sirius. He would be constantly looking. Somebody else would need to fly the Thestral for him or make sure he doesn’t fall off, because Harry would be constantly watching. You know how sometimes he just decides to look and then he sees, later on, what’s going on with Voldemort? That would be him now, because he couldn’t afford to miss what’s going on. It’s just kind of… yeah, he’s distracted.

Meg: All the more reason for them to double up on Thestrals.

Eric: So let’s get into it. We have talked about how the atrium of the Ministry is deserted. Eric Munch not doing his job…

Andrew: Suspicious.

Micah: Red flag.

Eric: We don’t exactly know what’s going…

Meg: Listen, Eric Munch checks out at 5:00 p.m. He’s gone.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: He’s very big on work/life balance.

Andrew: He’s not paid enough to stay late!

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Can we also talk about how there should be some security measure in place when Harry Potter checks into the Ministry of Magic?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Oh. Yeah, he gave his real name, didn’t he?

Micah: Not only that, he says he’s there for a rescue mission.

Andrew: “If you guys aren’t going to do anything about it.” [laughs] Doesn’t he say that?

Micah: Is this not going back to Aurors? To people in positions of power? Isn’t there somebody checking the folks who are calling into the Ministry?

Eric: The flagged logins?

Meg: Maybe they did have an alert, but then they kept getting prank calls by the teen London wizards who would be like, “It’s Harry Potter, ha ha.”

[Andrew laughs]

Meg: And then the the Ministry was…

Eric: Those teen London wizards.

Meg: “Those youths! Those youths!” They were like, “You know what, Harry Potter is not coming here. Just cancel it.”

Eric: Well, if “Harry Potter” is not a red flag, “Neville Longbottom” should be, because that’s what Harry said his name was when he went on the Knight Bus.

Meg: [laughs] That’s true.

Eric: But Neville is with them, so they said Neville’s name too, and that didn’t raise any flags. So it would be under… it’s funny, because I think “Neville” is probably a known alias of Harry Potter because of what happened in year three, so now Neville can’t sign into government buildings without getting extra security checks. Poor Neville. But yeah, I agree, this is just kind of wild. I really do wonder how they managed to pull this off and have so few people, because that security position is not something that at five o’clock it stops. It’s a shift. Somebody else has to come take that over.

Andrew: And Harry even notes that when he’s taking the elevator, he notices how noisy it is, which he didn’t notice when he was there for his trial, and he’s noticing that because everything else is so quiet. It’s quiet, too quiet. It’s that type of thing. There’s too many red flags. And rereading this chapter, knowing where it’s going, he falls right into Voldemort’s and the Death Eaters’ trap. It’s just tough to read.

Meg: Rereading it, I was trying to find out is there any point where he actually says to Neville or Luna, like, “Hey, just so you’re aware, we’re going to go see Voldemort right now.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Meg: They’re kind of vague about what they’re doing. It’s not until even at the end, when Neville is like, “Sirius Black? Was that a friend of yours, Harry?” He and Luna are just not really told what’s going on.

Andrew: No.

Eric: They’re along for the ride.

Micah: Luna is somewhat clued in on the Sirius end of things, because she refers to him as Stubby Boardman.

[Eric and Meg laugh]

Meg: And no one corrects her, so she thinks that they’re there for Stubby Boardman.

Eric: I want to know what she thinks they’re doing there, totally.

Micah: Yeah, there’s definitely an eerie sense of them entering the Ministry, the fact that you’re in this huge government entity, and it’s totally empty. As Andrew said, the elevators are making noise. You’d think, though… Harry was just there at the beginning of, or just prior to him going off to Hogwarts; that should have also been a major clue to him that something wasn’t right. There has to be somebody there. People work late in all sorts of office settings, and I would assume the Ministry is a place that…

Andrew: Especially a government building.

Micah: It’s a government building. Those people are working long hours, overtime…

Andrew: Crime doesn’t end. Crime is around the clock.

Eric: No, no, no. Yeah, there’s this 24-hour security for sure. The thing that I like about it… I’ve never noticed this before; when Harry signs in in the telephone booth, he says that they’re there to save some people, “if your Ministry can’t do it first.” He actually gives the government a little bit of credit.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: He’s like, “Hey, you guys. We’re here, and also, you guys should come join us.” I’ve got to say, Harry has no reason to really be that trusting of them, but he flat-out says it. Like, “You guys should…”

Andrew: Well, I took that as, “I’m frustrated that I have to come here and take care of this myself. Why is my godfather in danger?”

Meg: Yeah, it read as very sarcastic to me.

Andrew: Yeah, exactly.

Eric: Ohh.

Meg: Like, “I’m 15; why am I doing this?”

Andrew: “Here I go again, saving people again.”

Eric: You can’t sass the AI telephone booth lady! That’s not going to get you anywhere. You ever try sassing Siri?

Meg: She’s sass-proof.

Eric: It’s not good.

Andrew: “I have a saving-people thing because nobody else goes and saves people!”

[Eric and Meg laugh]

Eric: “Harry Potter (annoying): Rescue Mission.”

[Meg laughs]

Eric: Oh, man.

Meg: I imagine that this entire time, Hermione was thinking, “This isn’t right. There should be people here. Something is very wrong.” But she has just been so rattled by the entire day; she just wanted to finish her OWLs…

Micah: She’s cold.

Meg: She’s cold, she royally screwed up with the centaurs, Grawp was bleeding all over her… I just imagine at this point she’s just exhausted, and so she’s like, “I just can’t even… I don’t have the bandwidth to even argue with Harry anymore about this.

Micah: I do like what Michele said in the Discord. “Luna doesn’t need to know what they’re doing there. She’s a total ride or die.”

[Andrew and Meg laugh]

Eric: Aww.

Micah: It’s true.

Meg: She is, immediately.

Eric: Yeah. And I’ve said this before, but I like the friendship that Luna and Ginny have, sort of inter-House friendship, that they’re down a corridor, they hear a noise, they both go check it out. We were talking in the last chapter how wild it is that this big group forms, but really, these people have been spending time together all year, and Neville at least really wants to be able to help and be able to prove himself to himself, I think, in the defense front.

Meg: And I can’t remember if this happens in the book, but it is a nice touch in the movie when Neville kind of has that moment with Bellatrix, where she says, “How are your parents?” And he says, “Better, now that they’re about to be avenged.” You’re like, “Oh, Neville is meant to be here right now.”

Eric: Yeah, that line goes hard. That line goes real hard. So let’s talk… so essentially, the Department of Mysteries is exactly how Harry remembers it in his dream. That’s probably a red flag. There’s always something that changes, right? That chair wasn’t there; it should be there…

Andrew: Yeah, it shouldn’t be perfectly accurate.

Eric: It shouldn’t be empty, and it shouldn’t be exactly-the-same accurate. But at this point he’s so far along, he’s just going to get to the end of the thing, make a right at the room, and then it’s going to… there’s no way he’s turning back. So we get into the room that rotates, and we joked, but it’s got to be a big motor, right? That just rotates the walls and the doors?

Micah: It’s magic.

Andrew: It’s the owls underneath, spinning it around, working overtime.

Eric: Owls!

Andrew: House-elves are spinning it around from below.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: Just a crank, just a big wooden crank that they’re turning.

Micah: It’s just a Thestral on a wheel going around in a circle.

Andrew: Aww.

Eric: A Thestral on a wheel! Oh, and it’s raw meat dangling on a stick in front of it, and then it’s going to the raw meat. That’s real sad.

Micah: We’re horrible people.

Eric: Yeah, but the Ministry is more horrible for making that sort of thing exist.

Meg: Exactly, we want them to be freed.

Eric: Free the Thestrals.

Meg: Let them go. Let them go root around in that dumpster.

Eric: So let’s talk about one of the rooms here, and it’s a bit awkward. There’s a giant tank. There’s these floaty white things which are not immediately apparent what they are. And it turns out, that’s right, not your first five guesses, but your sixth guess: human brains is what’s in there.

Andrew: Oooh. I’m squeamish when it comes to stuff like this. I’ve been watching The Pitt lately on Max; I’m sure some of our listeners have been watching that. It shows a lot of stuff coming out of the body, and that’s hard for me to watch. I’ve always been this type of way, so I couldn’t handle this room. I’d be out of there once I realized they were brains.

Meg: I like Luna’s theory. She thinks they’re Aquavirius maggots.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: I don’t want it to be them either!

Meg: Imagine maggots that size, just swimming.

Eric: Um… no thank you.

Meg: I would be entranced by that.

Micah: I just want her to be right one time.

Meg: “Yeah, that’s what it is.”

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Meg: Give her something. Yes, Luna, it is maggots.

Eric: I love that. For there to actually be empirical proof that the Rotfang Conspiracy or something is real, and they just stumble upon it in a room, and then she’s like, “Daddy is going to love this,” and she takes a document. [laughs] Yeah, she’s earned that much.

Micah: For me, despite the fact that we are in the wizarding world, I think this room in particular shows that witches and wizards likely know just as much or as little about the human mind and all of its intricacies, and so they need to study, just like doctors here in the Muggle world study the brain and there’s so much about it that we still don’t know. I feel like we’re finding out new things each and every year.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Meg: I wonder if there’s any overlap between Unspeakables and Healers in this room.

Eric: That’s an interesting…

Meg: They’re Unspeakable, except for they speak to some Healers about it so that Healers can better work with this kind of thing at St. Mungo’s.

Eric: Well, they’ve solved the big problem, which is that in the Muggle world, we can only really study the brain through MRI and some imaging devices, or after the host has been deceased. However, this time they solve the problem of the brain being hidden in people’s heads, and they manage somehow to get the brains to animate themselves. This is the part that unsettles me. I tried to figure out what about this is creepy. Is it the giant tank? Is it the way the lighting is? No, it’s the fact that brains are autonomously swimming around in a tank, not just sitting in formaldehyde, but actually swimming around that unsettles me. Are these then the exact same as a human brain that has just come from someone’s head, a wizard, or are they something more?

Meg: Well, Eric, when you’re swimming around, isn’t that your brain swimming itself around, just with added flesh?

Andrew: Whoa…

Eric: Yeah, my brain is commanding my body to swim around, but my brain couldn’t do it on its own. That’s why there’s a body.

Andrew: So you’re kind of saying it has a life of its own.

Meg: You don’t like that these brains have a little zoom power.

Eric: Yeah, basically the brains with tentacles that extend and attack is just kind of one step too far for me.

Micah: This can be some kind of bad experiment that goes wrong when we get to the actual battle portion and we see one of the brains attack Ron in the next chapter. Who knows what kind of things the Unspeakables might be doing to these brains to try and find out different things, right? They could be doing magic on them, and that’s why they have these tentacles and attack. I don’t know.

Andrew: That’s an interesting take. Yeah, because you would think, if your brain is being dissected like this and analyzed and used for research, maybe the brain would be like, “Well, I don’t like this,” and becomes increasingly…

Eric: Defensive?

Micah: Especially a magical brain.

Meg: Hostile?

Andrew: Yes.

Meg: In 374, you guys all kind of theorize, like, can you be an organ donor? Were these brains donated by wizards? And you talk a bit about what kind of wizard would donate their brain for this. Is it very powerful wizards, and that’s what they’re studying? Could it be the brains of evil wizards, and could that be why they attack? Because these are evil brains?

Andrew: Brains of magical beasts, too, maybe?

Meg: Oooh.

Andrew: We don’t necessarily know if they’re human brains.

Eric: Could be the brains that were jettisoned out of people who went through the veil and ended up in the brain room.

Andrew: Yeah!

Eric: But I also think, too… I love this idea – I guess I’m first considering it – that when we think of the Department of Mysteries, we think of these rooms as being the definitive way to study their subject matter. Like the time room, like, “Oh, clearly, there’s no better way to study time than exactly the structure of the time room.” But I love this idea that Micah brought up, that this could just be mad science happening. This doesn’t need to be the definitive way to study whatever it is they’re studying in that room. This is just a creepy room in a creepy place.

Micah: Which you’re bound to find in a place called the Department of Mysteries.

Andrew: Yeah, I was just going to say, I mean, we’ve just got to keep that in mind, too; they are just trying to answer, in all of these departments, life’s big questions. Death, love, the brain… I think, Micah, you said a few minutes ago, there’s still endless research to do on humans and the human body and the human experience, all that, so it’s not necessarily surprising that they’re analyzing the brain. They can just do it in a way that Muggles can’t, and that’s the shocking part.

Eric: To that end, I want to say… I have a less creepy suggestion for what they could be studying here, and I wonder if, because there’s more than one brain in a tank, what would be the purpose of doing that? Unless the brains are connected or linked telepathically? Maybe they’re trying to create a collective consciousness or something.

Andrew: There’s so many options. Maybe they’re doing all of them! There’s no one goal here.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: And you don’t know who’s doing the actual research and what their background is. They could be a bit of a mad scientist at the end of the day, and doing experiments under the Ministry’s nose that… I mean, let’s face it, it’s not like the Ministry keeps tabs what’s going on in the Ministry, right?

Meg: No. Yeah, who is overseeing the Unspeakables? I kind of feel like they just have free rein to do whatever they want.

Eric: Like special projects?

Meg: Like if an Unspeakable is like, “I want to get a massive tank and fill it with brains,” the other Unspeakables are going to be like, “Sure, man.”

Eric: [laughs] The other Unspeakables are like, “Oh, that’s Dave’s idea again. Always Dave.” I have to think there’s some hierarchy; there are people that they… I mean, if the wizarding world had a Department of Defense, right? Or Homeland Security or something like that, there would always be a higher level justification and a higher level of supervision than just whoever happens to work in that department, because there’s people who hire them, and there must be some kind of motive behind that. But yeah, who knows? There is, of course, the famous room that Harry and friends cannot get into, and instead of using the gift from Sirius that Harry should have used all year, he instead tries to use the knife and fails miserably to open the door to the room that Dumbledore tells him is filled with love.

Andrew: [emotionally] The world’s greatest mystery.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, so it can’t be unlocked with Sirius’s knife or Alohomora. And it’s kind of interesting that the protection here is extremely strong to protect whatever they’re researching related to love, related to one of the most mysterious things of all time. [laughs] It kind of feels funny to say that love is so mysterious, but it kind of is.

Eric: I know, I know. When you think of love, you think mystery. Absolutely.

Andrew: Yeah. But what’s funny to me is that this one’s locked down, but meanwhile, the death room, where the veil is, eh, anybody can just go in, no problem. It’s no issue. So you can die in one room easily…

Meg: I think there’s even multiple doors to the death room.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, right, right. A lot of security should be there. But I think this is sort of trying to tell us something about just… I don’t know if it’s the author. Is the author trying to tell us something about love? Which I guess maybe ties into Lily’s protection for Harry, saving his life. I don’t know.

Eric: Yeah, it’s just as well that we didn’t see what’s inside it and get told later by Dumbledore what’s inside it, because there… I mean, frankly, if you’re writing a Department of Mysteries, and it’s supposed to house all the mysteries of the universe that wizards are working on, you have to have a door you can’t open. It doesn’t matter what’s in there; there has to be a door, no matter what, you can’t open. It doesn’t matter what’s in it.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Maybe what’s happening in there is too inappropriate for children, and the author was like, “You know what? I’m locking it. The kids can’t get in here.”

Meg: Cursed Child.

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Meg: There was a interview where the author was on an episode of PotterCast, and they asked her about this, and I don’t like what she said. She said in the love room, there’s just a bunch of Unspeakables drinking love potions and seeing how they act…

[Andrew laughs]

Meg: … and that the door is locked because of that. And I think that’s stupid.

Andrew: But you could still go and die in the other room? I don’t know.

[Eric laughs]

Meg: Yeah!

Andrew: Sometimes I think she just pulls stuff out of thin air without thinking it through.

Meg: I think she was like, “I don’t want to be on PotterCast anymore. I’m just going to say something to get out of here.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I think it’s one of the dumbest answers I’ve ever heard. Well, because Amortentia, the love potion, is not love; it’s infatuation. It’s certainly not… it cannot be likened, no matter how hard you try, to the love that gives Harry his protection from his mother can, so for the love room to be just a bunch of Unspeakables taken some love potion? No.

Meg: And for it to be like, “Oh, the door is obviously locked because crazy things go on in there…” I much prefer that the door is just locked because the study of love is so strong that the love room has kind of locked itself from outsiders.

Eric: Oooh. Like only the worthy can get in.

Meg: Yeah, something like that, and that it’s not just people in there drinking love potions and seeing what happens. I imagine that room to be more about studying what actually… what is love? Baby, don’t hurt me.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: [singing] “Baby, don’t hurt me…”

Meg: I imagine it to be about what is the purpose of love?

Andrew: [singing] “What is love?” Who sang that? Maybe that person’s in the love room, just singing.

Eric: Haddaway.

Meg: Haddaway is in that room.

Eric: Haddaway is in the love room.

[Andrew laughs]

Meg: Because there’s so many questions, though! Why does love exist? If it’s just for the biological imperative to find companionship and reproduce, how does that explain why certain people who find love don’t end up reproducing? And why is love different between humans than it is between other species? But then, why do certain species mate for life? Why are certain species monogamous versus not, and what kind of love is that? This is what I like to imagine is going on in that room.

Micah: So based on what she said, it sounds like the love room is just the break room.

Eric: [laughs] That we talked about earlier. There’s foosball and an orgy pit… sorry, a conversation pit.

Andrew: Also… [laughs] And the band Foreigner is in there as well, and they’re singing their 1984 hit, “I Want to Know What Love Is.”

Meg: It’s just a concert room.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, and Tina Turner is in there too, and she’s singing, “What’s love got to do, got to do with it?”

Meg: There’s a light-up dance floor.

Andrew: “Why’s the love room got a lock, got a lock on it?”

Eric: Yeah. But I mean, to Andrew’s point, look, the death room – which we’re going to talk about – you can just go up to it, presumably jump in, and never return.

Meg: You can die in the death room without even going through the veil. You just fall down the 20 feet of steps.

Eric: Yeah, very dangerous. You’re going to break your neck.

Micah: To the clip you played earlier, though, perhaps Death Eaters were strategic in terms of the rooms that they were making available to…

Andrew: That wasn’t a clip, Micah. That was me really singing Foreigner, “I Want to Know What Love Is.”

[Micah laughs]

Eric: I feel more powerful.

Micah: Me too.

Meg: No, that was actually Foreigner was here.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: The question is, if the Death Eaters… okay, if the Death Eaters went around unlocking all the doors, and they decided not to unlock the love room, was there the insight there that maybe the forces within the love room could have actually made Harry more powerful? Because love protects Harry from Voldemort, presumably. That would be one that… I mean, I don’t think any Death Eater or Voldemort has a concept so conscious that is “Love is what I don’t have, and will be my undoing” to avoid it, but at the same time, if Harry went in there, he’d pretty much be invincible.

Meg: He’d come out glowing and flexing.

Eric: Yeah, it’s his love for his friends that saves him time and again. It’s his love for Sirius that prevents him from jumping through the veil, that he kind of wants to do in the death room.

Meg: It’s his love for Sirius that gets Voldemort out of his head a few chapters from now, when Voldemort tries to possess him.

Eric: Yeah, so Harry and love are very tight, but he can’t get in the door.

Micah: And I doubt the Death Eaters would want a bunch of Unspeakables running around while they’re trying to deal with these kids.

Eric: [laughs] What if the Death Eaters just locked everyone in the love room? It was like, “They’ll entertain themselves.”

Andrew: “Now kiss.”

[Eric and Meg laugh]

Eric: And the Unspeakables are like, “This is just Thursday. This is just what we do every week. This is fun.”

Meg: Maybe that’s why the Death Eaters and Voldemort scheduled it for that night.

Andrew: Oooh.

Eric: Ah!

Meg: They were like, “Thursday night is when…”

Micah: Karaoke night?

Meg: “… the Unspeakables go do karaoke in the love room.”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: All right.

Meg: “We’ll just lock them in there, and then we do our plan.”

Micah: One of the things I wanted to mention, though – and this is what makes what the author said just even more questionable – is that Dumbledore, later on in this book, describes this room as containing “a force that is at once more wonderful and more terrible than death, than human intelligence, than forces of nature.”

Eric: It sounds to me like he and Grindelwald were in that room once.

Micah: I was going to say. Huh.

Andrew: Hey now.

Eric: That can’t be canon. I don’t care who said it; there’s no way that there’s a… just like the veil, which we’re going to talk about in a moment, is an otherworldly thing that mankind, I think, could not have created, but which they are forced to always witness, the love room contains something just like that.

Meg: It can’t just be Unspeakables in there being like, [sniffs] “It smells like chocolate to me.” “Smells like fresh grass to me.”

Eric: It’s time to talk about the room that is not appearing on the Deathly Hallows American edition cover. It’s a large stone amphitheater with a crumbly dais, down, down, down in the center of a large, like I said, amphitheater-type room. Now, Harry is strangely drawn to this room. It’s one of the first ones they go into, and the stakes could not be higher; he needs to find Sirius. But something about the veil just attracts Harry, and Hermione, who we mentioned being exhausted from her flight and her horrible day, actually snaps out of herself long enough to scream at Harry to back up, that the veil is dangerous, and that he needs to focus on finding Sirius. She at least has the wherewithal… because he doesn’t even realize he’s doing this. He has one foot stepping up; he is sure that there are people inside the veil – people, not person, not an intelligence, not something vaguely he feels he’s being watched – people. He thinks there are people on the other side. Guys, what’s going on here?

Andrew: I mean, the foreshadowing is overwhelming to the point where I almost feel like you can’t call it foreshadowing, because it’s just telling you what’s going to happen.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Harry is calling to Sirius in the veil, in the veil room, in the death room, and Harry and Luna can hear the voices coming from the veil. And I actually found this to be pretty interesting as a followup to last week’s discussion on what would happen to Thestrals if they were pushed through the veil. So it sounds like if you have experienced witnessing somebody die, you can hear voices coming through the veil, right? And so I just was very surprised by how just kind of obvious it is what’s going to happen. Reading it again… hindsight is 20/20, but I can’t believe that Harry is hearing Sirius through the veil already.

Micah: Yeah. Well, and I can’t remember, sequentially, does the death room come before the love room?

Andrew: In the chapter?

Eric: I think so.

Meg: I think it does. I think it’s brains, then death, then love, then time.

Micah: Because what ends up happening as they try and enter the love room, which was mentioned, is Sirius’s knife basically dissolves, and that’s another bit of foreshadowing. You could argue that basically Sirius is about to dissolve.

Andrew: So that’s what he was hearing through the veil. It was actually Sirius’s knife, because it had died. [laughs]

Eric: Really, just the question about whether Luna… I mean, it’s a small sample size, but yes, we know that the few people that can see Thestrals also can hear these voices. Harry is desperate just not to be the only one who can hear them; I think he doesn’t want to be proven to be crazy.

Meg: Well, Harry and Luna definitely hear the voices. Harry is kind of like, “I think there’s voices in there?” Luna is like, “There are voices in there.” And then Neville and Ginny are also kind of staring entranced at it, and Neville has also seen death, but Ginny hasn’t, but she’s still entranced by it, and I imagine it has something to do with…

Eric: Voldemort?

Meg: … her experience as a first year student at Hogwarts, what happened that entire year. Meanwhile, Ron and Hermione are so like, “What’s the big deal?” And I think Hermione’s anger comes from not being able to understand something. I think that’s what is fueling her being like, “It’s dangerous; get away from it!”, I think is that she just doesn’t understand it. And I think out of the six people there, Ron and Hermione are the two that are most… Hermione, ruled by her head, definitely, but the two most realistic, most reality…

Eric: Pragmatic? Grounded?

Meg: Yeah, most grounded of that six, and that’s why they’re kind of like, “This is weird. We’re going to stay away from it. Come on.”

Eric: They’re the most pure… yeah.

Micah: Ron and Harry were almost playing \ peekaboo around the side of the…

[Eric and Meg laugh]

Meg: That’s true.

Micah: I was worried for a minute for Ron that something was going to happen there.

Eric: I’m glad nothing reached out and grabbed him, yeah.

Micah: I did pull from that same interview you mentioned earlier, Meg, what the author had to say about the veil, and I can just read it here quickly. She said that, “It’s the divide between life and death. I tried to do a nod to that in the Tale of the Three Brothers – she was separate from them as though through a veil. You can’t go back if you pass through that veil; you cannot come back. Or you can’t come back in any form that will make either person happy anyway. But when they surround that veil in Order of the Phoenix, I was trying to show that depending on their degree of skepticism or belief about what lay beyond… Luna believes firmly in an afterlife. She’s very clear on that. And she feels them speaking or hears them speaking much more clearly than Harry does. This is the idea of faith. Harry thinks he can hear them; he’s drawn on. But Harry’s had a life that has been so imbued with death that he now has an uncharacteristically strong curiosity about the afterlife, especially for a boy of 15. Ron is just scared, as I think Ron would be – he just knows this is something he doesn’t want to dabble with. Hermione, hyper-rational Hermione can’t hear anything. ‘Get away from the veil.’ So if you walk through the veil, you’re dead. You’re dead. What you find on the other side, well, that’s the question.”

Andrew: And that is what the Ministry is studying, I presume. I also thought maybe it’s some sort of… they want to kind of maybe open up a portal between life and death. Because right now it’s one way, but what if they could reverse it somehow?

Eric: Right, there’s a very real value to having that be studied, having that be a thing that’s studied.

Andrew: Yeah, a lot of power would come with that.

Eric: And you get all the answers to exactly how the universe works.

Micah: The portal piece is interesting because I remember… we have talked about this before on the show, and there was this longstanding theory that the veil is some kind of ancient relic or portal that the Ministry was actually built around, and I know that the veil is at least as old as the Ministry, because it was there at the time that it was built, which was early 1700s, so I’m still inclined to believe that it was there before the Ministry was there. I don’t think the Ministry built it or brought it in.

Andrew: Oh.

Micah: I just… that’s my headcanon. I think it was there.

Meg: I agree with that, and I have an entire theory about this, in fact.

Eric: Ooh.

Meg: I think that these portals exist all over Earth, and most of them are in places like in the wilderness, in the middle of nowhere. In fact, most of them are probably in the ocean, because that’s, like, 75% of the planet.

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Meg: And so there’s probably a portal like this somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle, and that’s why things go missing there, because they just pass on through to another plane of existence.

Andrew: [laughs] Uh-huh.

Meg: I think this one in London, though, just happens to be one that people found, because think about London; it was built there because it was a port city, and when you’re building a new society, you want there to be water so that you can do fishing and trading with other cities. And so I think that over time, people in London started – Muggles and wizards, presumably, because this was a long, long time ago – they started realizing, “Hmm, when certain people go for walks, they don’t come back.” And I think that these portals are invisible, and I think that at some point humans were like, “We need to mark this somehow, so that people stop walking through it and going missing.” So I think people put up these ancient stones, and got this tattered cloth and hung it there. And then I think that as life continued and society progressed, and the Statute of Secrecy was passed sometime in the 1600s, wizards were like, “We’re having a society here where we study things; let’s build a building around this thing so we can study it further.” And then when the Statute of Secrecy was passed, and it was time to build a Ministry away from Muggle eyes, they were like, “Well, we’ve already got this magic building where we’re studying this veil; let’s just expand upon that.” And I think that the veil is much, much older than that, and I think it’s much older than the Ministry itself by thousands of years, and the reason I think that is because it’s underground. So I think that 100,000 years ago, that was ground level, but then with tectonic plates shifting and continents changing and just Earth happening, land built up over that.

Andrew: Interesting.

Meg: But throughout the entire process, the wizards were like, “Well, this is our little death room where we study that.”

[Andrew laughs]

Meg: And I think at one point, wizards were like, “You know, we could also use this as a place to execute people,” and that’s why there’s the amphitheater aspect to it, so that people could sit around and watch, because people loved watching public executions back in the day.

Eric: That’s right, Harry does visually compare it to the trial room.

Andrew: Yeah, you think of witch burning. I do love the idea of… and great theory, Meg. I do love the idea of the Ministry being built around the veil, because then the veil kind of takes the form as the root, the root of the Ministry of Magic, and there’s a lot that could probably be said there about this gateway to death being the root of a government building, of all things. [laughs]

Eric: And I think we do this naturally, whether we realize it or not. Important buildings are built off of certain energy places, like high energy places or important places. Meg mentioned the port city; that’s exactly right. I also just think that… we may not know it, but there’s ample examples of ancient cities particularly being either directly aligned with constellations at the time or something crazy, where people feel there’s energy and there’s power, so it makes sense that the seat of power for the government, for the wizarding world in Britain, would be in the same place as this very powerful ancient artifact object.

Meg: And there’s something poignant about it being… it started the Ministry, basically, and now barely anyone at the Ministry knows that it’s there even now at this point in time.

Eric: I like that, yeah.

Andrew: And this is why studying history can be really interesting, because it’s like, “Well, why was Chicago built there? Why was Las Vegas built there?” And you hear about, “Oh, well, Chicago is on the water, and it was a port…” and all that too. A lot of cities get built along water where ships can come in, drop off goods, stuff like that. That’s how cities grow into what they are today hundreds of years later. We’re talking about a port right now, with the veil. [laughs] Coming and going, built around yet another portal in the world.

Eric: Crazy. So we will spend more time in this next room next week, or two weeks from now, when we destroy it. But let’s talk briefly about the Hall of Prophecy, which is… finally they get in the right door. Harry notices some shining; he’s like, “This is it. This is it.” There’s lots of shelves. Any new takes on the Hall of Prophecy, guys? What do we think was the plan here? Is it just to get Harry to go and take it off the shelf, because no one else can?

Micah: It hit me a lot harder, I think, reading it than it did in previous times because I really felt bad for Harry in this moment, because I think despite the fact that he’s able to retrieve the prophecy, I think he also before that has a period of recognition and almost reckoning with himself where he realizes that he’s been hoodwinked. He realizes that Sirius is not here, and that everything that Hermione was telling him prior to them departing Hogwarts was true.

Andrew: And I think one reason it hit me harder this time is because just with more lived experience… I’m not sure I can say I’ve been hoodwinked before, and certainly not in this type of way, but you experience those moments in your life where your stomach just drops; you feel the floor come out from under you. That’s the feeling that Harry is experiencing here, and when we read this as adults, we can really relate to that moment. We know what he’s feeling.

Eric: Yeah, he runs around the shelf a couple more times, looking behind it, looking… and when Ron is trying to point out that there is a clue or something, Harry’s first inclination is, “No, shut up, Ron,” because he’s sure that Ron is going to point out how duped and stupid Harry was. So I think Harry, it finally sinks in that what he saw was not the truth. But then there’s some hope, so that’s kind of neat.

Andrew: One thing I did want to mention is that when they find the prophecy with Harry’s name on it, before grabbing it, Neville is the one who tells Harry to not pick up the prophecy with his name on it. And the prophecy, as we know, also could have been about Neville, so I’m wondering if this line being delivered from Neville is a wink about that.

Eric: Probably. And the prophecy is even labeled with a question mark.

Andrew: Right.

Eric: I think… it’s not said, and I was expecting in this chapter to see it, but maybe it’s in a later chapter where it says… the part that says “Harry Potter” is actually hand drawn. Or am I making this up? Where it’s like the question mark was the engraving…

Meg: It’s written in spidery writing.

Eric: Yeah, okay. Because yeah, it could have been either of them. I like that Neville is involved in trying to caution Harry. That’s kind of neat.

Andrew: “Don’t pick it up, Harry, because it’s mine to pick up! We’re scratching off your name, and I’m writing mine!”

[Meg and Micah laugh]

Eric: Ahh! Swipe.

Andrew: I put that memory in your head about Sirius! It was me! [laughs]

Meg: Oh, plot twist.

Eric: You!

Andrew: “Not me, not Hermione, Neville.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Yes, yes. There’s no good and evil; there’s only prophecies and those too weak to seek them.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, so it’s an interesting kind of hoodwinking, perplexing situation, and we’ll have to tune in to see how the kids get out of it. But we do hear the voice of Lucius Malfoy. Finally, something is about to happen. After all of this mystery, after all of these empty rows and nobody’s where they should be, we do finally, at the very least, hear a familiar unfriendly voice, and it ends the chapter.

Meg: What was Lucius doing? Was he just like…?

Eric: Staying out of sight, making no noise, pretending he didn’t exist…

Meg: They’re all hiding like, [whispering] “Shh, shh, okay, here they come, quiet…”

Eric: No, really. Yeah, it’s like that scene in Labyrinth with all the goblins in the closet. Because they needed… here’s how it doesn’t work, because it was all up to chance. They needed Harry to go to row 97; that was planted. But then they need somebody to look close enough at one of… I don’t know if it’s at eye level. They need somebody to look at the specific prophecy that says, “A.P.W.B.D. to S.P.T., regarding Harry Potter.” They need somebody to notice that and then go, “Hey, Harry, there’s a thing,” and then him to take it, realize he has to touch it, and pull it off the shelf. How unlikely is that? I don’t know. He does it in about five seconds.

Meg: But was there a backup plan in case they were like, “Oh, Sirius isn’t here. Okay, guys, let’s go back to Hogwarts,” and didn’t see it?

Micah: I feel like Lucius could have coerced them.

Andrew: Or he just hears, “Pickup on aisle 97.”

[Eric and Meg laugh]

Eric: And Harry, from his many years in retail, knows what that means. It’s time to look around.

[Andrew and Meg laugh]

Andrew: “Prophecy pickup on aisle 97.”


Superlative of the Week


Andrew: I thought we could do for the MVP segment of the week the most interesting room at the Department of Mysteries. For me, it is the death room. Meg, loved your theory. I loved our discussion about it. There’s just so much that could be considered when it comes to that room. What is the Ministry doing with the veil? How did it get there? Was the Ministry built around it? Why is it so easy to pass through that veil? I have so many questions for this room, more than any other room, I think.

Meg: I mean, I think all these rooms have to do with mysteries in life, in reality, but I do think that, more than love, more than brains, more than time, death is the ultimate mystery. It’s the biggest mystery of all.

Eric: I actually put… mine’s sort of a copout, but also, I’m interested. Because they’re in a hurry, we don’t go into all the rooms, so my most interesting room is the rooms that we don’t see, because we don’t know what we don’t know, and I’m assuming there are a few other mysteries that are kept hidden away.

Micah: Well, much like Ginny, I was intrigued by the time room, and would love to have spent a little bit more time there. No pun intended.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: I know we will get some more of it in the upcoming chapters during the battle, but just with everything that happened in Prisoner of Azkaban, we know that the Ministry has – or had, supposedly – Time-Turners that they destroyed, but what else are they studying there as it relates to time?

Meg: And I said the love room. Now, if it’s just people doing Love Potion shots, I’m not that interested in that. But if it is the idea of studying the theory…

Micah: What about if there’s karaoke?

Meg: Yeah, if there’s karaoke, that’s a different…

Micah: Then you’re in.

Eric: We could sing “Love Shack”! Meg!

Meg: We will do “Love Shack.”

Andrew: Oooh, fun.

Meg: We will duet “Love Shack.” Oh, that’s got to be what happens in there. But just the overall idea of what is it? Why is it? Why did it evolve?

Andrew: Why? Why love? How love? Who love?

Meg: Why love? How? When?

Eric: How love.

Meg: When love. Where love.

Andrew: The five things I ask myself every morning.

Eric: Well, that, I believe, concludes our chapter discussion.


Lynx Line


Eric: Now let’s go over to the Lynx Line, where MuggleCast listeners who are members of our community at Patreon.com/MuggleCast have answered this week’s question, which actually is open-ended: What other rooms should be represented at the Ministry of Magic Department of Mysteries? So this follows up on my copout answer of what rooms do you actually think that would be there?

Andrew: B said,

“A room that studies the origins of magic itself in its rawest form. It could contain artifacts and such from throughout history. My public health-minded wife would also like to add a room that studies the socio-economical impact of magic on Muggle communities. We are road tripping across Washington state and have been discussing our answers to this question for far too long.”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: I love that. That’s really cool, B. Next one comes from Robert:

“There should be a ‘Fudge is Special’ room, where the walls are lined with portraits of all of Fudge’s supposed ‘enemies’ who can shower him with praise and tell him what a good job he’s doing, and also how handsome and smart he is. There’s also two punching bags shaped like Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore and a mirror for Fudge to look into and tell himself that everything’s okay and he’s actually doing a good job.”

Micah: Isn’t this just his office?

[Meg laughs]

Eric: Probably, probably. But I love the idea that he requisitions the Unspeakables to build a room strictly so he can feel better about his life.

Meg: He probably wants to have one room on every floor of the Ministry specifically for that purpose.

Micah: Michael says,

“A ‘Muggle Science’ department, where they study how and why different non-magical phenomena work (but obviously completely fail). Trying to understand gravity, thinking chemical reactions MUST be magic, researching evolution could be some examples!”

Meg: Shyam – I hope I’m pronouncing that correctly – says,

“There should be a snack, tea, and coffee room with comfy chairs! Unspeakables work an extremely stressful job and need a room where they don’t need to study anything and can just take a breather.”

Andrew: Yes, they do. Nicole said, “A rubber duck room; we need answers!”

[Meg and Micah laugh]

Eric: And Jill says,

“I think there should be an ‘innocence’ room, to study the concept of what kind of magic and wisdom we all have when we are innocent and young! Often children are even more intuitive than we give credit for… they ‘know’ things unexplainably and sometimes remember past lives or can speak or pass messages from people who are passed on… as if by magic! A room to study the ‘concept’ of innocence and wisdom and how they go hand in hand would be fascinating from a magic perspective! (Of course with no real children in the room, not suggesting that! More like the love room, which is more about harnessing the conceptual force of love).”

Andrew: We got a few more answers as well. Patrons, you can read those. I love the creativity, as always. If you want to participate in the Lynx Line, you can become a member at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. And don’t forget, right now we’re running a 20th anniversary special. Now through the end of August, you can get 20% off an annual membership to our Patreon. Just use code “20YEARS” at checkout, and by supporting us there, you’ll be helping us fly into the next 20 years of MuggleCast, so thank you so much for your help there. Speaking of the 20th, next week on the pod we will celebrate 20 years of the show, and then we’ll get back to Chapter by Chapter two weeks from now. If you’re looking for other ways to support us, you can visit MuggleCastMerch.com to buy official gear, and by the way, patrons have access to a 20th anniversary discount code through the month of August. So much 20th anniversary excitement happening right now. Other ways to support us: You can leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, and tell a fellow Muggle about the show. Lastly, visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all of this information, our contact form, and a lot more. If you’re looking for more podcasting from the four of us, you can listen to our other shows, Millennial and What the Hype?!, for more pop culture and real world talk.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for our Harry Potter trivia game show, Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question was: Psychologically, human beings respond to threats in one of four ways, all starting with the letter F. Two of them are fight and flight. What are the other two? Want to thank everybody for all of your F-words; really appreciated that. And this week’s correct answer: In addition to fight and flight, freeze and fawn are the most common answers. A fifth F-word does exist sometimes using… it’s called flop, where you just kind of pass out. But freeze and fawn are the four Fs, those and fight and flight. 64% of folks with the correct answer say they did not look it up. Correct answers were submitted by… oh boy, here we go. A Healthy Breeze; Big time freezer; d7Hufflepuff; De-Bort-Ment of Mysteries… I love Bort.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Defense Against Dumbledore’s Army; Dumbledore the Pathological Manipulator; Elizabeth K.; Emotional range of a teaspoon; Fantastic fearless forager of forgotten fungi; First time answering, so excited I know one of these…

Andrew: Aww.

Eric: Yeah, welcome. Welcome to Quizzitch. Fitzfatsuffices; Fluffy’s three heads; HufflePuffleKittyFluffle; I thought it was a doe, not a fawn!; I am a social worker and my education has prepared me for this moment; Julie Anne Fae; MustBeAWeasley92; My parents used to pronounce Firenze as “fire knees” and now I can’t unsee it… that’s hilarious. Rizzindors must not tell lies; Slytherin Squib; Tickled by a disco ball; Yes, another Weasley; and Tofu Tom. Wow. Congrats.

Meg: That’s what’s happening in the love room. People are being tickled by disco balls.

Eric: And so here is next week’s Quizzitch question: When entering the Department of Mysteries, Harry and friends first encounter a room with many unmarked doors. Similarly, the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose, California, USA has over 2,000 doors in its mansion, which contains 160 rooms. How many windows are present in the Winchester Mystery House? This is a multiple choice Quizzitch question. Is the answer A) 2,001, B) 10,000, C) 665, or D) 4,000? How many windows are present in the house that has 160 rooms and 2000 doors in San Jose, California, USA? Submit your answers to us on the Quizzitch form located on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or if you’re on the website, maybe checking out those lovely transcripts that Meg does, click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: Thanks, Meg, for joining us, and at the last minute too. We really appreciate your help on today’s episode and all your insights.

Meg: Oh, no problem. It’s a great chapter, a real mysterious one.

Andrew: Yeah. Hah, oh, I see what you did there. You said the word.

[Meg laughs]

Andrew: Listeners, don’t forget to visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast and become a member to support us. Please also leave a review in your favorite podcast app, and tell a friend about the show. Thanks, everyone, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Meg: And I’m Meg.

Andrew: Bye, everyone!

Micah: Bye.

Transcript #714

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #714, Good Harry, Good Harry (OOTP Chapter 33, ‘Fight and Flight’)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And we’re your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books and the movies and the upcoming television show. Make sure you press that follow button in your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode of MuggleCast; we release new episodes every Tuesday. And this week on the show, we’re reminded that karma is a bitch…

Micah: So it’s Umbridge.

Andrew: … because we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 33, “Fight and Flight.” Somebody wrote this out in a censored manner at first…

Laura: I did.

Andrew: … and then I was like, “But it’s in the book.” So I mean, I say it’s fair game.

Laura: Oh, you’re saying it’s canon.

Andrew: Well, I mean, the word “bitch,” because it’s in the book, it’s okay to say in the show.

Laura: Of course.

Andrew: Yeah, that’s my rule.

Laura: Ahh, okay. I didn’t realize that was where we drew the line.

Eric: Well, remember last time we were discussing this part of the book, we played Elton John.

Andrew: Yeah. Before we jump into Chapter by Chapter, a couple of important reminders: If you love this show and want to help us keep it running as reliably as counting on the centaurs to get rid of the school’s High Inquisitor, we invite you to become a member of our community at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. You can get instant access to two bonus MuggleCast episodes every month, ad-free episodes of the show, access to our recording studio, a personal video “Thank you” message from one of the four MuggleCasters, and a lot more. We’re actually recording a new bonus MuggleCast this week, right, Micah?

Micah: Yes, we are. We are just a week away, as we sit here recording this episode of MuggleCast, from Harry’s 45th birthday.

Eric and Laura: Oooh.

Micah: So if that doesn’t make you feel old, I don’t know what does. But we’re going to talk about Harry’s birthday in the Harry Potter series, Books 1 to 7, then we’re also going to maybe think of some gifts that we would get him for his 45th birthday as he gets up there a little bit in age, and then what would some characters in the Harry Potter series decide to bring Harry as he turns the ripe old age of 45? So we’re going to have a little bit of fun with this one, I hope.

Andrew: Yeah, sounds good. Speaking of fun, in last week’s bonus MuggleCast we looked back on the month of July 2007, what I have been calling the craziest month in Harry Potter fandom history. We were all very busy that month with the Order of the Phoenix movie premiere, the Deathly Hallows book release, and we had a lot of fun back then, and we had a lot of fun discussing that special month in that bonus MuggleCast. Things got personal, very personal, so don’t miss it.

Laura: For some of us.

Andrew: For some of us, yeah.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: This time of year is always fun because it just brings back such good memories.

Andrew: Yeah. Do y’all look at your Facebook “On this day” memory and Timehop this month? You get all this stuff from the Harry Potter days.

Micah: It’s the only time I look at Facebook.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Yeah, you can be reminded of the cringe that we used to think was socially acceptable to put up on social media.

Andrew: And socially acceptable to wear.

Eric: I had really weird Facebook statuses. I don’t understand them. I look at it; I’m like, “Huh?”

Laura: A lot of us did.

Andrew: So we record these bonus MuggleCast episodes for patrons. They’re a lot of fun all the time; please do check them out. If you’re looking for other ways to support us, visit MuggleCastMerch.com to buy official gear, like the T-shirt that I’m wearing tonight. You’ll be able to find limited time patron gifts from years past. We’d also appreciate if you left us a review in your favorite podcast app, and please do tell a friend about the show. Finally, visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all of this information, our contact form, and lots more.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: So now let’s get into Chapter by Chapter – just a few more chapters in this book to go – Order of the Phoenix Chapter 33, “Fight and Flight.”

Eric: That’s right. Last time that we were discussing this chapter, it was on a dual chapter episode called “PUNK’d.” This was Episode 471. Let’s find out what we were talking about regarding this chapter.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 471.

Andrew: Wasn’t it just a few chapters ago Harry was resisting the help of Ron or Hermione, or both? He can be resistant to even having Ron and Hermione on board. And then to double the size of this group sounds risky, and sounds like… it’s like going out with a bunch of people for the day. It’s a pain in the butt to have six people versus three, or three versus two. “What do you want to do?” “Well, what do you want to do?” “What direction do you want to take to the Ministry?” “I don’t know, what direction do you want to take to the Ministry?”

[Micah laughs]

Eric: For some reason I got the inkling that you’re talking about going with a large group to Disneyland.

Andrew: Yes, exactly! “What ride do you want to go on?” “What prophecy do you want to grab?” “What veil do you want to walk through?” It’s just all these extra questions.

Eric: “Wanna get some churros?”

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Churros.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Andrew: I like how Micah just says, “Churros.”

[Laura laughs]

Micah: It’s like a Homer Simpson, “Oouhh, churros.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: That was June 30 of 2020, by the way.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Laura: In this chapter, we pick up immediately where we left off last chapter with Umbridge honestly kind of telling on herself, or how dim she is, because she is completely failing to see the litany of red flags laid out in front of her, because she is so consumed with finding Dumbledore’s WMDs.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: So because of that, we’re just willing to charge into the Forbidden Forest accompanied by no one else but two unarmed teenagers.

Eric: She’s got this.

Laura: I don’t know what kind of flex she thought this was, but go off, I guess.

Andrew: She’s excited. She’s so excited that she can’t think clearly, and I think a word I’m going to use a couple times today is ego. She has a very big ego. She is confident that her suspicions about Dumbledore are correct, and she’s excited to see what she’s been thinking has been the case for herself.

Laura: Yeah. She’s also saying the quiet part out loud here; at one point when she, Harry, and Hermione were getting ready to go into the forest, Harry suggested to her, “Hey, can one of us have your wand so we can light the way, since you’re making us go in first and you took our wands away from us?” And she just says, “No, the Ministry places a rather higher value on my life than yours, I’m afraid.”

Eric: Eugh.

Laura: Micah, do you buy this?

Micah: No. And this goes exactly to what Andrew was talking about in terms of ego; even at this juncture in the series, I don’t think the Ministry could give two flying you-know-whats about Umbridge’s life. Fudge maybe to some extent, but the Ministry overall probably could care less about her. And this is coming from her own sense of entitlement and self-importance. I still think that regardless of where we are in this series, the Ministry, at the end of the day, places a much higher value on Harry’s life than somebody like Dolores Umbridge.

Andrew: I think so too, yeah.

Eric: I think this year they would prefer that Harry were… if something were to happen to him, I don’t think they’d be too cut up about it. It would be to their detriment, for sure.

Micah: That’s fair.

Eric: But this year in particular, Umbridge is the one who’s making Hogwarts great again, and Harry is the one that they really wish… if Fudge cared that much about Harry or placed any value of his life, he might have looked into further what happened with the Dementors or anything like that. So I think that Umbridge, from her perspective, probably has a point this year. If anything did happen to Harry, we know that they would all be screwed.

Andrew: Just this year because she’s working at the school this year? Is that it?

Eric: This year because this is the year where Harry is a thorn in the Ministry’s side, right? They’re not ready to admit that Voldemort is back, and if Harry were to die mysteriously all of a sudden, would they really be that cut up about it? Well, that’s one big mouthpiece that’s now gone saying that Voldemort is back. So they get to preserve the lie; that’s what I’m saying.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Don’t people start asking questions, though? Start asking questions like, “How did Harry die?” And of course, what makes me sick to my stomach is that Umbridge would just start making up something about “Oh, Dumbledore did this to him; he forced the boy to go into the forest,” or something like that.

Laura: Right. I think the thing… I think this would play perfectly into the Ministry’s narrative about Harry being addled and not believable. I think this would flow very naturally into excuses about Harry having gotten in too deep; he got in over his head in something that he didn’t understand, and it got him killed. I could very easily see them passing that narrative off because it allows everyone to feel comfortable and safe, because Voldemort is not actually back; asterisk. [laughs]

Micah: I find it fascinating that even in this moment, Umbridge’s first thought is to go to justify her actions in some way via the Ministry, right? She’s like, “Well, no, I can’t give you my wand, because if something were to happen to me, the Ministry would be so upset.”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Right.

Micah: It’s like, “The Ministry, the Ministry…” Who cares about the Ministry?

Eric: Well, I view it as gloating, but it is a part of her identity. It’s a huge part of her identity. When she’s ever feeling uncertain about something, she’s like, “I have the Ministry.” That’s why she announces her role and position when she’s intimidated by the centaurs, which, it turns out, is the wrong thing to do. [laughs] There’s many wrong things to do when confronted with centaurs, but it’s her identifying herself as being from the Ministry, something that brings her comfort, solidity… she feels a valued member of the team, as she’s saying in this line of dialogue, that makes her and only her feel confident, but it shouldn’t, because she’s way out of her depth. And I think it’s dawning on her as they’re all walking into the forest how out of her depth she is, and the only thing she can do is be the only one armed right now, and that’s why she doesn’t give the kids their wands.

Micah: I just don’t think that… I think Fudge may put a high value on her life; I don’t know that the Ministry overall really cares that much about her. And we see that based on…

Eric: I see it as one and the same.

Micah: Well, yes, because Fudge is Minister for Magic, but let’s just think back to the beginning of this book. Look at how Harry’s trial went. That is the broader Ministry, as opposed to just one particular section of it.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I think she’s convenient, right? Because, at least for right now, she’s on Fudge’s side, and that’s all he wants, is to be surrounded by yes men and women. So she’s toeing the party line; that makes her useful, and I think to that extent, she’s valuable. But think about it. I mean, she’s not the only one working at the Ministry who operates this way, so I have to think that perhaps Cornelius would shed a few tears if she were to be lost…

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: … but I just don’t know that the Ministry would experience any kind of ripple effect from Dolores Umbridge never coming back from her kidnapping.

Micah: No.

Eric: What Fudge likes about Umbridge is that she’s a fanatic. I think he knows that she’s willing to not just toe the company line; I think she’s ready to go right up to it and blazingly cross it in the name of the Ministry, of what is good and right, meaning whatever Fudge thinks and says is good and right. And so she’s a champion for the Ministry, and that’s what he likes about her, and those sorts of people that’ll really go to it and put it all out and identify themselves as being, “That’s my boss, the Minister,” are fewer in the world.

Micah: Let’s not forget, though, it’s not the Ministry; it’s not Fudge that comes to her rescue; it’s Dumbledore.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Well, that’s just his problem. His saving-people thing. [laughs]

Micah: I’m just saying, if the Ministry cares so much about Umbridge, where were they?

Laura: Yeah, that’s a good question.

Andrew: Case closed!

Eric: There would be no more Ministry if they faced off against… [laughs]

Laura: And that’s actually a point in the positive column for Dumbledore, too. I mean, I don’t know that Harry would have batted an eye if he heard that Dumbledore had not gone to her rescue, I think. I mean, based on the way we see Harry react to what happens to the centaurs later on in this chapter, I think he would be like, “Yeah, whatever. She was a pain.”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, we’re talking about the woman who basically tortured him earlier in this book.

Laura: Right, exactly. Well, there’s a lot of crashing through the forest that happens in this chapter, so we are going to move ahead here to talking about the result of Harry, Hermione, and Umbridge crashing through the forest. It becomes pretty clear… as we get closer to the center of the forest and there’s less daylight permeating the top layers of the trees, it becomes very clear that Hermione wants them to be overheard, and before long, the centaurs arrive, and they are, of course, none too pleased to see humans in the forest. We have to remember just a few short chapters ago, Harry and Hermione were in here with Hagrid, and Bane and Magorian were very clear in saying, “Don’t come in here again, or else.” And now the three of them are on the wrong side of these centaurs’ arrows, even though we recognize that Harry and Hermione are absolutely not in league with Umbridge, but there’s really no difference, it seems, to the centaurs at this point. So I was wondering, how does Hermione know that they’re going to attract the centaurs’ attention? Specifically, there are a lot of creatures that live in the forest. Clearly, Grawp showing up a little bit later was unplanned. [laughs]

Micah: Right.

Laura: So how does she know?

Micah: She just yells out, “Horse.” It’s not actually written down, but…

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: “Horsies!”

Laura: She just neighs.

Andrew: “Come here, kitty, kitty.”

Micah: It reminds me a bit of stranger danger in terms of making as much noise as possible to draw attention to yourself. I feel like we’ve talked about stranger danger on the show before in some capacity, but this particular moment where Hermione is luring Umbridge into the forest, she knows that there are creatures in there that could potentially come to her aid, so just by making as much noise as she possibly can, she knows that she’s going to draw something to her. Maybe it’s not the centaurs.

Eric: It’s interesting… I want to touch on that point, whether it was the centaurs she was planning on, because the dialogue would seem to indicate yes, when she tells them, “We hoped you’d take care of her for us.” [laughs] It’s horrible. But she’s actually, according to Harry, going in the direction of Aragog’s lair, and in fact, not… so Hermione has never been to where Aragog is, but Hermione has been to where Grawp is. I think the natural thing that you would expect Hermione to be going to is actually Grawp, but for some reason, in the writing, it’s said she’s not going there. And Harry knows, I guess, which way leads to where.

Andrew: Maybe she was a little lost herself. But yeah, to the point about Harry, I’m surprised that he would even remember how to get to where Aragog’s lair was.

Laura: Same.

Andrew: Because if you just imagine a forest, and let’s say you’ve only traversed it a couple of times…

Eric: At night. [laughs]

Andrew: … and sometimes at night, yeah, you don’t gain a sense of direction from that. You don’t remember that for the next time, unless there’s some clearly marked trails. But I don’t think AllTrails is available in the wizarding world, am I right, everybody?

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: 5% of our audience will understand that reference.

Eric: I’m going to download that app after this show.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: It’s a great app; I use it all the time. But I do think, too, that Hermione’s backup plan was, “Well, best case scenario, we run into some centaurs. If not, we’ll run into another beast that’ll scare the crap out of her and she’ll run away, or the beast will eat her, or something like that.” So it is kind of foolproof, this plan.

Eric: Yeah, I would agree with this. I mean, really, the shocking thing – and I think we’ll probably go into it more – but the shocking thing is that Hermione managed to get Umbridge alone. There was an entire Inquisitorial Squad that was very menacing to them, and she managed to trick and talk her way out of the castle. So no matter what happens now, it’s at the very least two against one, and that’s a lot better the odds for some kind of escape or some kind of subduing of Umbridge, regardless of whatever’s in the forest about to meet them.

Laura: Okay, so let’s break down this plan. And I know before the break, I said we’re going to judge it, but we’re not necessarily going to judge here. I think when it comes to Hermione, I think there are a number of ways that we’ve talked about various times on this show where Hermione can be amazingly astute and clever for her age, and yet sometimes there can be certain social faux pas that feel confusing coming from a character who is as on top of it as she is most of the time. So we’ll probably see some of this here, but I think we’re going to see a mixture of opinions about how this plan breaks down over the course of events. So step one, Hermione tells Umbridge the thing that Umbridge has been dying to hear – and this is last chapter – that Dumbledore was using students to build some kind of weapon to deal with Umbridge. Do we say this was a good or a bad plan?

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: It’s a good plan.

Andrew: Yeah, because it feeds into Umbridge and the Ministry’s existing narrative that they have for Dumbledore. And it kind of reminds me of Harry seeing Sirius in danger in his vision; they’re getting these confirmation biases.

Laura: Yeah, that’s a great catch.

Eric: Oooh, oooh, and tunnel vision as a result of that, because you feel… it’s hitting all the right spots where you can’t focus because you feel threatened. “Oh, what? There’s a weapon? Oh my God, I’ve got to go find this and get control of it,” and it really allows you to start making mistakes.

Laura: Yeah, well, I mean, this is her deepest fear, I think. I don’t… do we ever get to see Umbridge face off with a boggart?

Eric: It would be this.

Laura: Because I feel like if we did, at least at this point in time while she’s teaching at Hogwarts, I think that is her greatest fear. She really thinks that she is so important that Dumbledore is specifically designing a weapon to be used against her.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: I think after three rounds, her boggart is probably a Niffler, if I’m being honest.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: Oh, yeah. Well…

Eric: Not to contradict… I forgot how many times the Niffler and her square off in this book. [laughs]

Laura: She’s probably really traumatized by that. [laughs]

Eric: That is a bit rough, to be honest.

Laura: Okay, well, we’re going to go on to step two here, which is Hermione goads Umbridge with some reverse psychology so that Umbridge won’t bring the Inquisitorial Squad with her. This is when basically Umbridge is thinking about bringing Malfoy and some of the others, and Hermione is like, “Good! I hope you do, and I hope they all learn how to use it so they can use it against you!”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I mean, totally plays her. I mean, plays into every worst fear that she has.

Eric: It’s delicious.

Laura: Good or bad plan?

Micah: For Hermione, it’s great reverse psychology. It really floors me that she, being Umbridge, willingly will follow two students into the forest without any sort of backup plan, especially given that they’re supposedly locating a weapon and she has no idea what this weapon could be. It could be a person; it could be a beast; it could be something or someone who could easily overpower her. But just like Harry isn’t thinking logically in this particular moment, I don’t think Umbridge is thinking logically in this particular moment.

Andrew: No.

Micah: She’s just letting the excitement of everything get the best of her, and she’s doing something that’s completely reckless. And kudos to Hermione; I really see her going to the only place where she felt like there could be potential allies, and that’s in the Forbidden Forest. She takes Umbridge to the one place that would allow Harry and Hermione to get the upper hand.

Eric: And I think what works, too, for me is the gradual realization by Umbridge that it’s the forest. I think Hermione very cleverly didn’t say exactly where the weapon was located, and in fact, I think as soon as they’re out on the main grounds, Umbridge says, “Oh, it’s in the hut, isn’t it?”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Because I think she’s a bit nervous. “Oh, wait, where exactly is this?” If they had said back in her office that it’s in the forest, I think maybe Umbridge still would have brought backup. And if it wasn’t the Inquisitorial Squad – who she doesn’t trust – she would have phoned ahead for Ministry people, people that she commands through her power of the Ministry to then go in the forest with her or something. But the point is it’s extremely clever for Hermione to not indicate that they’re going into the forest until, “Well, we’re already here.”

Micah: Right. Well, maybe the same people that she commissioned to help with attacking Hagrid.

Eric: If they’re not all in St. Mungo’s right now for being flattened. [laughs] But yeah, exactly. Those sorts of people.

Laura: So do we think it’s a bit of sunk cost fallacy with Umbridge, where she’s confronted with going into the forest, but the only alternative is for her to turn around and go back and say, “Hey, Inquisitorial Squad, just kidding; I can’t handle this on my own”? I don’t think she has it in her to do that. I think she willingly walks into a terrible situation because she’s unwilling to admit to herself that she’s in over her head.

Eric: Yes, absolutely. And what’s good about the writing in this chapter is you can see there’s these little things, like “Umbridge made an odd little noise,” or the ragged breaths behind, and you can see, you can feel, you can hear and sense in no small way, before she even panic talks about anything, that Umbridge is definitely exhausted and in over her head.

Andrew: I think over the course of this book, we also learn that she’s a very clean, tidy, organized person. You think of her office, how nice that all is. She’s not a hiker. She’s not somebody who would go into the Forbidden Forest normally. She’s not using the AllTrails app.

Laura: No.

Eric: I was going to say, she’s not a person who has that app that you’re talking about a moment ago.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: What is it? AllTrails?

Andrew: I was supposed to be recording this episode from near Yosemite, so I’ve got hiking on my mind right now.

Eric: Oh, man.

Andrew: Next week I’ll be eaten by bears instead of this week. She’s just very uncomfortable with this environment in general. She wouldn’t be out here under normal circumstances.

Micah: It is somewhat reminiscent, too, of Prisoner of Azkaban, in the sense of we have that scene where they’re leading Pettigrew out of the Whomping Willow, and don’t they have the wand prodded at his back to make sure that he doesn’t escape? So I think there are some comparisons you could draw here. I know we’ll talk about some a little bit later, but just connecting those threads between Book 3 and Book 5.

Laura: Yeah, I love that you bring that up, Micah, because another connection is Harry and Hermione being in the Forbidden Forest in Book 3 and Book 5 and Ron is indisposed, either with a broken leg in one and then captured momentarily by the Inquisitorial Squad in this one. So lots of little clever things like that. So we talked about this a little bit before, but I wanted to ask the pointed question: With Hermione leading them in the Forbidden Forest with the express intent of hoping that a magical creature will intervene and rid them of Umbridge, is this a good or bad plan?

Andrew: A good plan.

Micah: Good in theory, bad in practice.

Andrew: Why bad in practice?

Micah: Because she’s looking for the centaurs to clean up the mess…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Right.

Micah: … and as we see, that doesn’t really go very well. So I think her intention is good in that, as I was saying earlier, this is probably one of the only places that she can take Umbridge where it creates a more equal footing, but her approach to the centaurs when they show up and some of the things that she says – I know we’re going to get into talking about that a little bit – the delivery could have been better. But again, she’s in this moment, right? And she has to think quickly on her feet, and I think it shows a little bit of what we’ve often talked about with Hermione. She’s not very street smart; she’s book smart. And if she would have taken a little bit more time to maybe rationalize what she was going to say, knowing how she’s encountered Bane and Magorian before, maybe things would have gone a little bit differently.

Eric: I’ve got to say, they had about 30 minutes or so while walking in the forest to plan what they were going to say when they get somewhere, so there is that. But yeah, it’s interesting, because Hermione knows that it’s a huge mistake to disrespect a centaur the way that Umbridge does it. Hermione immediately freaks out and is like, “No, no, no,” but what Hermione is doing is not that much more respectful. She did not, for instance, respect their sovereignty. She’s like, “I’m going to traipse on their territory till we get stopped.” That ain’t great. And as soon as they ask her and confront her, for her to say, “Oh, we thought you’d get rid of her for us,” is absolutely… it’s really problematic, and it’s really bad. So I have a question here, because this just came up on last week’s Muggle Mail episode, going back to when she was referring to Firenze as “the horse.” Between that odd moment that starts that chapter a couple chapters ago where I’m like, “Eh, it could still be just a wonky line,” to now her running right into centaur territory and getting bows and arrows pointed at her because she’s disrespecting their autonomy as sentient beings, now I’m starting to ask the question: Is Hermione prejudicial against the centaurs? What exactly is going on? What is her thinking here? Because it backfires on Hermione.

Laura: Yeah, I think Hermione is… and I mean, to be fair, maybe pretty likely everyone carries that level of internal…

Eric: Unconscious bias?

Laura: Unconscious bias, exactly. But I think the big mistake that Hermione makes here is assuming that the centaurs’ morality standards will align with her own.

Eric: Oooh.

Laura: So her thinking is, “Well, we’re children. We’re innocents. They should totally get that.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: “We’re itty bitty babies!”

Laura: And clearly, yeah, that’s not the case.

Andrew: “We didn’t know any better! We’re so sorry, Mr. Centaur.”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Yeah, they don’t have patience for anybody, including children.

Eric: Well, and that’s the part of it, right? Is “We thought you’d take care of her for us.” It’s like they’re the violent, brutish, subhuman species that can fix all of humans’ problems. I understand why… I think the centaurs in this chapter are very clearly a bit militant about their culture and personhood and all of that, but if you even look past how they are particularly affected, I think you can see what Hermione is doing, why it’s wrong, and why it’s problematic that she thought this would happen.

Laura: Yeah, and I mean…

Micah: She doesn’t think, though. That’s part of it, in that…

Eric: It’s instinct.

Micah: She’s the one who brought Umbridge here, so technically, she’s bringing the problem into the forest. And if we look back even at a couple of chapters ago, the way that Bane and Magorian in particular reacted to Harry and Hermione being there wasn’t overly positive. They were ready to throw fists with Hagrid, basically.

Eric: Well, and Hagrid all year has been bringing a problem into their forest, too, so I think…

Micah: That’s the other thing.

Eric: This radicalized them.

Andrew: [laughs] “Enough!”

Eric: Everyone is bringing their… yeah.

Andrew: Well, but then this does raise the question, again, who owns the forest? Why do they think it’s their forest?

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: I’m not sold…

Laura: Well, because they’re not allowed to be anywhere else.

Eric: That’s what Umbridge says. Well, Umbridge says, “We allow you to be here,” but yeah.

Laura: Right, but they’re restricted in their movements. I mean, I don’t think that Hogwarts would admit centaurs as students. I don’t know where else would permit them to live freely in a community. I just really don’t see a place like Godric’s Hollow welcoming centaurs to live in their community, so they’re feeling like, “We get the scraps of this society that you force us into, and now you’re trying to ruin that too.”

Eric: And they find it so debasing to even interact with humans, really. That’s why they don’t like Firenze. Firenze is more of a diplomat, and Firenze can appreciate the differences between the cultures, and Firenze is skeptical of his own kind, and he’s asked the questions, and so he’s a huge traitor to them, because he sees life outside their small, close-knit group and is willing to try. But they find it just very debasing.

Andrew: I would… just to jump back to the question I was asking, I feel like centaurs could maybe go elsewhere, go abroad. I mean, there’s a lot of land out in the world. Have I mentioned hiking? When you go hiking, you see a lot of land.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: Do you have an app when you do that, Andrew? Is there a…?

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: It’s called the stars.

Andrew: No, but I just feel like… look, I understand the situation where the Ministry has given them permission to freely use certain land, but I just feel like it’s a big, big world out there, and they should go elsewhere and say, “F the Ministries for all countries. Let’s just go live life somewhere private that we can find ourselves and always avoid humans.”

Eric: I think just the problem is never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups, and I think the Ministry would wage war if the centaurs didn’t… we hear about goblin rebellions, but I’m sure there have already been some fights with centaurs, and centaurs were forced to their small territory in the forest and maybe one or two other locations.

Laura: Right. Yeah, I think that’s the problem, is that they’ve probably already been kicked out of other places where they were living.

Andrew: Aw.

Laura: I mean, I’m guessing that they haven’t always been in the Forbidden Forest. Certainly not all centaurs live there, but it really is giving me the impression that they don’t want to be moved again, and they don’t want people encroaching on the territory that they can claim as their own.

Eric: It’s interesting, too, because this book just has so many elements. I think of Grawp as like a displaced being too, because of the giants and what we’ve learned about them being kind of… not hunted, but they’re dwindling in numbers. They’re found in only one or two regions, just like the centaurs are. And getting to looking ahead at the Statue of Magical Brethren, which has the races and humans and I think it was a house-elf, centaurs, just how humanity is treating… how wizardkind is trading its fellow creatures is very interesting to think about and talk about.

Laura: Yeah. Well, before we move on, do we think there’s anything…? Is there a different way Hermione could have pitched this to the centaurs that might have made things turn out differently?

Eric: [laughs] I’m going to pivot and say Harry should pull his damn weight, right? Harry has not said one interesting thing to help with Hermione’s plan this entire time. All he’s done is raise alarm bells, going, “Hermione, I think we’re being loud, think we’re being loud,” and she’s like, “Shh, it’s part of the plan!” Harry usually around this time would come up with something brilliant, right, that gets them off the hook, and for once, he’s just silent; he doesn’t have anything, and he lets Hermione bumble her way through it, and it’s a miracle they’re able to leave alive.

Micah: I don’t think that she could have done much different because of the audience that she’s faced with here, in particular Bane and Magorian. I just don’t know what she could have said differently that would have changed their reaction and their response because, again, she’s the one who has led Umbridge into… let’s just for the sake of argument for this particular moment say their territory, and now the expectation on Hermione’s part is that, “Okay, well, I’ve brought you this problem; solve it for me,” right? And it just doesn’t come across in a good way. Maybe she could have, if she had a little bit more time, spun up a story about how Umbridge was taking them into the forest to do harm to the centaurs, and so they wanted to trick her, and here she is. Do with her what you will. I just don’t know. I think we’re meant to see that there’s this side to centaur culture, though, right? We have Firenze, but then we also have Ronan and Bane and Magorian, who are just different. Just like with the wizarding community, there are different factions.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: We needed to see a fight. I was thinking along similar lines to Micah, just blaming their presence there on Umbridge and hoping that the centaurs believe Harry and Hermione.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: Or that they dislike her enough to just let the kids go.

Laura: Yeah, actually, Orie in our Discord is saying something similar. They’re saying, “She could have just said Umbridge forced them,” and that was my thinking. She could have just said, “Hey, look, we don’t even have our wands. She forced us in here. She thinks that we know some secret about Dumbledore; we don’t know anything about Dumbledore. She made us come in here.” Maybe that would have fared a little better for them. But at the same time, it seems like Bane and Magorian are already decided that they’re going to dispatch Harry and Hermione. Even one of them at one point says, “Give them the same treatment as her.” They’ve already carted Umbridge away at this point, so the implication is that the same thing is about to happen to Harry and Hermione. But luckily for them, the problem that Hagrid left in the woods was unknowingly coming to the rescue, and he can even speak a little English, and knows who Hagrid is, knows who Hermione is, and he’s very clearly looking for some kind of caregiver. And I low-key felt some secondhand guilt as a reader here. I know it wasn’t the trio’s responsibility to take care of Grawp, but it is still sad at the same time to see that he’s been fending for himself and that he eventually broke free to look for the only human faces that he can associate with caretakers.

Andrew: Absolutely.

Laura: It was just kind of sad.

Andrew: It’s heartbreaking.

Eric: It’s devastating. It’s a heck of an action sequence. But as the centaurs are attacking, watching Grawp – who, hey, those English lessons are paying off; that’s great – be unable to remove the arrows that are being shot in his face, that he’s swiping at them, and the shafts of the arrows are breaking off, but the arrowheads are doing what arrowheads do, and sinking in further. So there’s all this blood everywhere – which is actually a plot point for how the Thestrals show up later – but there’s all this blood, and Grawp, I just feel, is innocent here. Grawp is a victim here.

Andrew: Yeah, he was dragged into this. He didn’t want this.

Laura: Totally.

Micah: But Grawp to the rescue, though, and it’s reminiscent of Prisoner of Azkaban, when Buckbeak shows up to rescue Harry and Hermione from werewolf Lupin, and in both cases, you have essentially Hagrid allies in Buckbeak and Grawp show up.

Laura: I love that! That’s a really great connection.

Eric: Something I’ve never noticed before in the writing is when Grawp is swiping at the…

Micah: How lazy it is?

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: That we’re making all these connections?

Eric: Oh, yeah. It’s so easy to make the connections.

Micah: Reuse, repeat, recycle, yeah.

Eric: I think that Grawp, when he’s swiping at the centaurs, lifts them. It says the centaurs are lifted up off of their hooves, and I’m like, “Oh, wait, that’s because a centaur, it’s one person, it’s the person that…” Because I expect to see them lifted off their horse, but then they’re centaurs, so it’s like, no, they’re lifted off of their them. [laughs] They’re just being picked up by Grawp. It’s like where normally you’d have a person fall off the horse, these guys are just going flying both. It’s just unbelievable.

Laura: Yeah, well, Grawp doesn’t really have any regard for them, because he’s trying to reach for Harry, right?

Eric: Well, they’re shooting at him! Yeah, they’re causing this pain and commotion.

Laura: Well, and because of that, Grawp gives the centaurs enough distraction for Harry and Hermione to get away, which is a good thing. Ultimately, the centaurs turn to start attacking Grawp, and they realize very quickly that they are outmatched, so they take off, and so do Harry and Hermione. And what I found curious about this is that Harry was very quick to round on Hermione and get on her case for this plan that she concocted, which I mean, I think, to her credit, she didn’t have a lot of time to think. She was having to improvise here, and improvised plans are never perfect, but sometimes they get the job done. And I was actually proud of her for effectively saying that to Harry. She reminds him that despite the quality of the plan, they weren’t much good to Sirius without their wands, so there wasn’t going to be anything they’d be able to do. And I just feel kind of frustrated with Harry at this point, because I’m like, “At least Hermione did something.” She got rid of Umbridge, right? Like, what are you doing?

Eric: Yeah, what did Harry do? Nothing.

Andrew: Is he mainly frustrated because now Grawp is on the run? But that wasn’t really Hermione’s fault, either.

Laura: No.

Eric: Right.

Laura: He’s frustrated because he feels like they’ve wasted time. Time that they could have spent rescuing Sirius has been spent on this little adventure into the forest to get rid of Umbridge, but they kind of had to.

Andrew: But the irony here is Harry can criticize her for this, but he’s rushing into his decision-making around this part of the book as well.

Micah: Right.

Andrew: And that comes to bite him in the butt.

Laura: Totally.

Andrew: So he might think he has room to talk now, but it’s not going to be much longer before he realizes he should be eating his words, taking his own advice.

Micah: You have to give Hermione credit here for thinking on her feet, and honestly, given everything that happened, the end result was still the best you could possibly ask for in that Umbridge is now out of the picture.

Eric: Handled.

Micah: And again, connecting the threads, both DADA professors in Prisoner of Azkaban and Order of the Phoenix end up disappearing into the Forbidden Forest.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Oh, man, there’s another good one.

Eric: I’m starting to think that these are just copy and pasted. Wait a minute!

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Read the chapter a lot more closely.

Micah: I guess at some point we can talk a little bit more about what happens to Umbridge, but obviously she’s not going to be in the best situation here.

Eric: We will see her once more in this book, yeah.

Laura: There will definitely be time to talk about the state of Umbridge when we see her later in the hospital wing at the end of the book. Well, Harry and Hermione, as they’re crashing back out of the forest, are surprised to hear Ron’s voice coming through the trees, and he is followed by…

Micah: Is he speaking Parseltongue?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: No, that’s later.

Laura: Yeah, that’s in a couple of books right?

Eric: Oh, man.

Laura: Where he crazily learns how to speak Parseltongue because Harry speaks it in his sleep, apparently. But Ron is there with Ginny, Neville, and Luna, and they’re all in various states of clearly having been in a fight. There are a couple of black eyes; there are some fat lips. But ultimately, all four of them are there, and the group pretty quickly begins squabbling about how they’re going to get to London and who is going, and this is really entertaining because those four, Ron… and we can leave him out of this and really look more at Ginny, Neville, and Luna. They have successfully just fought off the Inquisitorial Squad alongside Ron, and I’m pretty sure they were outnumbered to begin with. Isn’t that right?

Eric: Certainly outsized, is nothing else. Those kids are tall.

Andrew: And out-powered. I mean, the Inquisitorial Squad is going to be willing to do worse things to Ron and company, rather than the other way around.

Laura: Right.

Eric: But they…

Laura: And there is this nice… oh, go ahead, Eric.

Eric: Not only did they escape, but they escaped handily. Ginny used the… we get the first description of the Bat-Bogey Hex that they used on Malfoy, where you’re essentially attacked by your own bogeys that fly at you and cover your face. And I would not want to get on Ginny’s bad side, let me tell you that. [laughs] So they don’t just escape, but they escape well, and I think this shows that they have what it takes to come along.

Laura: I think so too. And I think Harry realizes pretty quickly that there’s no arguing the point, because he does surrender pretty quickly out of frustration. But there is another nice thread that we can connect here, and it’s when Harry is faced with the possibility that Ginny, Neville, and Luna want to come with them to the Department of Mysteries, he sits there and thinks of all the members of Dumbledore’s Army, he couldn’t think of three more people that he less wanted to come with him to do this.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: And it’s funny because the same thing happens at the beginning of the book on the Hogwarts Express, when he’s in the train compartment with Ginny, Neville, and Luna, and Cho walks in and he’s immediately embarrassed and wishes that he were in there with cooler people.

Eric: So does he want to take Cho to London? What’s going on?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Who’s he thinking…?

Andrew: “This date will go better.”

Eric: We asked this question last time. Who would he rather…? Zacharias Smith? Come on now. These are the three. These are the kids you get.

Andrew: Well, yeah, and I mean, they’re obviously very close to Harry, Ron, and Hermione as well. But even though Ginny brings up the point that Harry was already winning fights when he was her current age and that’s why she should be able to come along, I think, for Ron’s family’s sake, that they should have been more forceful in telling Ginny no, because that is a family member who recently almost lost another family member. And further, Fred dies two books later. I think this is a Final Destination situation happening.

Eric: Ohh.

Andrew: Arthur didn’t die, so it’s going to be somebody else.

Micah: But she has experience with Voldemort.

Andrew: That was a fair point as well.

Eric: And she does the Bat-Bogey Hex. I really want to see a Death Eater get it.

Andrew: I really… look, I like Dumbledore’s Army members going to fight with them, but this is dangerous. I wouldn’t let my sister come along. I wouldn’t let Luna come along, who I just met earlier. I mean, this is really dangerous for them, and I think you could tell them no.

Eric: I’m not sure, because here’s my thing of it: They’re up against Voldemort, right? Harry is going to Voldemort in London to stop him getting rid of Sirius. There’s going to be a confrontation between Harry and Voldemort. Presumably, Voldemort is not going to be alone; other people are going to come watch him kill Sirius Black, or watch him attack Harry Potter. So you have to expect that there’s going to be Death Eaters. Even if this isn’t a trap, even if everything is going to happen exactly as it’s going to happen, Harry should assume that there’s going to be a ton of bad guys there in London.

Andrew: True.

Eric: And so if Harry isn’t immediately going, “We need to alert the Order of the Phoenix,” then he’s really looking down the barrel at him, Hermione, and Ron going to London and facing off against a ton of Death Eaters themselves. That’s not realistic. You need as many people as you can possibly get in a situation like this, so his reticence doesn’t make any sense.

Micah: I mean, in fairness, Harry has beaten Voldemort how many times at this point? And how many Death Eaters were in the graveyard in Goblet of Fire? Does he really need help?

Eric: You really want to push those odds?

Laura: So you think it’s a little pride? Like, “I’ve beat this guy”?

Andrew: That’s called getting cocky, Micah.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: I wouldn’t put it past Harry. I think you’re right, though, because I think he’s like, “No matter what, we’ll take care of it.” It’s like, that’s not how that works.

Micah: Well, in fairness to Harry, though, he’s one of the only ones that has been in this situation or a situation like this before. However, I do agree; I think that the other members of Dumbledore’s Army here have earned the right. I mean, think about the situation that they were all just in with Neville, Ginny, and Luna assisting Harry with trying to contact Sirius, right? If they’re good enough for that, why are they not good enough to go to London and try and rescue Sirius? What makes them any less than Harry, Ron, and Hermione?

Eric: I love the guilt trip that Neville gives. Laura, you have, I think, in the doc what Neville says. Do you want to talk about that?

Laura: Oh, yeah, for sure. I mean, Neville kind of gets to rub Harry’s face in this moment where he says, “It was all supposed to be about fighting You-Know-Who, wasn’t it? And this is the first chance we’ve had to do something real – or was that all just a game or something?”

[Andrew sighs]

Eric: “Or was it all just a game or something?” Do you play games, Harry? Are you a gamer? Do you have an app on your phone called AllTrails?

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: You know what I say? I say, “[censored] you, Harry,” because…

Andrew: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Here’s the thing, Neville’s parents…

Eric: You can say “bitch.” You can’t say “[censored]” on MuggleCast.

Andrew: That’s not in the book.

Micah: He can bleep me out.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Neville’s parents were tortured. They’re in St. Mungo’s; they will never recover. Luna’s father took a huge risk in publishing Harry’s story in his paper. And Ginny, we just talked about her; her entire family is at risk, and she was taken in the Chamber of Secrets several years ago. So if Harry thinks he’s the only one with a dog in the fight… pun intended. There’s my dad joke for you.

Andrew: Ding, ding, ding.

Eric: What, Sirius?

Micah: Yeah.

Eric: I love it.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: He’s wrong. He’s wrong! So you know what? Stand down, Harry, and accept a little bit of help.

Andrew: Yeah. Sit, Harry! Sit! Good boy. [in a talking-to-a-dog voice] Good boy!

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: We’re going to make that the title of the episode.

Eric: Maybe that’s being a leader; you’re supposed to not be happy about everyone showing up to risk their lives for you? I don’t know. That’s Harry’s own complex.

Andrew: He doesn’t want to put his trusted friends in danger, his beloved friends in danger. I get where he’s coming from.

Micah: I don’t think that’s it. I don’t think he… that’s not what he’s thinking. His friends, he insults them.

Eric: That isn’t what he’s thinking here, but if he could take a step back, it would be what he’s thinking. It’s just not what he’s thinking here. The collateral damage is not on his mind; what his mind is getting to London as soon as possible, but he’s not being smart about it. And actually, I find it shocking that six adult wizards… well, okay, six 15-year-old wizards all don’t say, “We need to get to London. We just saw you use Umbridge’s fireplace for the Floo Network. Why don’t we take the Floo Network to London now that her office is unguarded?” I understand why Harry doesn’t think about it, but Neville and Ron and Luna and Ginny were all in there a lot longer; they had an unguarded fireplace that had just been used to contact London. None of them say, “We could just use Umbridge’s fireplace”?

Andrew: That’s a good point.

Laura: That is a good question. I mean, are we willing to say that’s maybe a bit of a plot hole?

Eric: It is a little bit. Or they can’t go in there anymore because the Bat-Bogeys have taken over, and now they’ve run their own society, and that’s their office now.

Laura: [laughs] Ah, I see.

Eric: Maybe Ginny doesn’t know her own strength.

Andrew: Yeah, and I think… I guess the author wanted to get the Thestrals really involved here by the end of the book, and that’s where they come in, getting them to London, right?

Laura: Yeah, for sure.

Andrew: It’s not a great excuse, but…

Laura: It’s not. I think where I get kind of annoyed, when there’s writing where it’s just a little too convenient that things worked out exactly the way they did. Nobody thought to use the fireplace, and Harry and Hermione just so happen to be covered in Grawp’s blood, and guess what that attracts? That attracts Thestrals, which we’re all going to ride to London, even though half of us can’t see them. [laughs]

Andrew: Maybe one of them took some Felix Felicis, and this all just came together with some liquid luck.

Micah: Maybe. But another nice connecting the threads is using flying creatures to rescue Sirius.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: Rescue mission.

Andrew: [emotionally] One last time. Try one last time to save him.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: I know. Well, it doesn’t work this time.

Eric: We need to ride Thestrals through the veil and get Sirius back from the other side. If anybody can travel through the veil, it’s Thestrals.

Andrew: That’d be pretty cool, actually.

Laura: Yeah, actually, I wonder what would happen if you got a Thestral near the veil.

Eric: You’d just go into the Upside Down from Stranger Things.

Laura: Yeah, probably.

Andrew: Maybe you can’t push them in, or they go in and they immediately get spat out.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Laura: It’s like, “No, you’re already dead.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Everyone can see them after that. Their colors invert.

Andrew: Oh, yeah. Kind of like a Thief’s Downfall type of thing.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Well, I thought a nice way to wrap this chapter, although it’s a little bit of a darker note, is… death is a full circle theme in this book in particular, but also in this series. So of course, like I mentioned a couple of minutes ago, the Thestrals are attracted to the scene since Harry and Hermione are covered in Grawp’s blood, and we wrap this chapter with Harry literally feeling more grateful and more affectionate towards the Thestrals than I think he would have ever imagined. I think there’s one point where he thinks, “How could he ever have thought them ugly?” because he’s so thrilled to see them here. So it’s very interesting to see him welcoming this manifestation of death. This omen of death, whatever you want to call it, he is welcoming it.

Andrew: Yeah, and welcoming this magical creature who, at the beginning of this book, Luna connects with him over and Harry is like, “Well, what’s wrong with me? If this girl can also see the Thestrals, something’s off with me, just like I think something is off with her.” And now he has a different view of the Thestrals and Luna.

Micah: Right.

Laura: I love that.

Micah: And if not for Luna in this moment, Harry wouldn’t have a way to get to London.

Laura: No, because it’s really Luna who suggests that they should ride the Thestrals.

Andrew: [imitating Luna] “You’re welcome. I have a good idea.”


Superlative of the Week


Laura: Well, we are going to get into our MVP question of the week. So this week what we’re asking is who is the most valuable DA member to join for this trip to the Ministry? And now, the special rule for this question is it doesn’t necessarily need to be one of the six people who ends up attending in this chapter. If you think there is another member of the DA who would have been advantageous to bring along on this little adventure, let’s hear about it.

Eric: I want to answer last.

Laura: Okay.

Andrew: [still imitating Luna] “I think Herm…” [coughs] [back to normal voice] I think Hermione.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Because she – I forgot to hit the switch – she might have read something in her many studies that could prepare her for this moment, going into the depths of the Ministry and getting where they need to go. I also think that after their trip to the Ministry, she could look back on it and be like, “Oh, what about this department? What about that department?” I just imagine her having a very good memory despite the chaos of everything that they see within, and maybe they can use that all for the future. So I think she’s just a good, analytical, resourceful member to bring along.

Micah: I would actually take Zacharias Smith…

Laura: Oooh.

Micah: … because I think he would annoy the hell out of everybody on the Death Eater side. He probably would be a quick Avada Kedavra, but I think he could buy them a little bit of time.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: He’d kill him in annoyance?

Laura: Yeah, but maybe that’s enough for Harry get away, right?

Micah: It’s a distraction.

Eric: Right. God, I’d love to see Lucius Malfoy or Voldemort stop whatever they’re doing and be like, “Don’t you just want to thwap him? Does anybody else? Is that just me?”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: They’d be like, “Yeah. Yeah, we all do.”

Laura: I like how Zacharias Smith is basically the red shirt. We were making red shirt jokes before we started recording this episode, so the Star Trek jokes are coming full circle now. I think for me, I’ve got to say Ginny. I know that she’s in the original group, but I honestly think she’s probably the most powerful of the Dumbledore’s Army members.

Eric: Absolutely.

Laura: I don’t think a lot of people understand how powerful she is yet, and I think she really gets to showcase that over the next couple of chapters. But when you think about who was getting the most praise for overcoming the Inquisitorial Squad, it’s Ginny, right? I think she’s the most prepared.

Eric: I’m heartened to have you give her that credit, Laura.

Laura: See, I’ll give Ginny her flowers.

Eric: Yeah! Yeah, no, but again, how terrifying the Bat-Bogey Hex sounds.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Laura: And who do you think, Eric?

Eric: I am going to go out on a limb here and say that the best DA member that should be going with them to London is Marietta Edgecombe.

Andrew: Ooh.

Eric: Her mother works at the Ministry!

Andrew: Oh, of course, of course.

Laura: Oh, so should they have kidnapped her?

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: I mean, they don’t have any problems getting in anyway.

Eric: Yes!

Andrew: Hermione can be like, “Never mind about what I did to you.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Is she up in the hospital wing? Well, Hermione can offer to reverse it, first of all. Presuming she can, which, that’s the whole other can of worms. Who knows? If Marietta is in the hospital wing… I’m not saying she is. Maybe her parents took her away or whatever, I think maybe we read. But say that she were still in the hospital wing, the book would end a little bit differently. They go up to her, they say, “You owe us one. Help us get to the Ministry. Tell us what we need to know about it.” And she’s been there, probably on the visitor’s side of things, but she could get them in, and it would represent some darn character growth for these boys who still see her as some sneak and some traitor, and to realize that everyone has some wrongs in their columns some days, and she could have redeemed herself in this book. It would have been great.

Andrew: I like it.

Eric: Thank you.


Lynx Line


Laura: All right, well, we are going to get into our Lynx Line now. MuggleCast listeners who are members of our community at Patreon.com/MuggleCast have answered this week’s question: Hermione obviously chose the wrong thing to say to the centaurs explaining why they led Umbridge into the forest. What should she have said instead? With the caveat that we wanted wrong answers only. [laughs]

Andrew: These were hard to read, y’all. They’re so good, but so bad. Nimisha said, “Can we ride you?”

Laura: [laughs] I think they would have carted them straight off to wherever they took Umbridge.

Eric: Oh my God.

Laura: That’s what would’ve…

Eric: They would have killed them on the spot.

Laura: Yeah, absolutely.

Eric: Michael says, “This lady said she can run faster than a centaur.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Laura: That’s actually really funny.

Andrew: That would have been a good strategy, yeah.

Eric: The arrogance. Oh, it’s perfect.

Andrew: “We were brought into this forest because she wanted to race you, and we were the ones who knew how to find you, so she forced us here.”

Eric: “We’re so glad you’re here!” Oh my God.

Micah: Lloyd said, “She said Sagittarius is the most overrated star sign. Prove her wrong.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: Oh, that’s good. As a Sagittarius, I approve of this.

Eric: Well, I love they’re speaking to them in their language, right? The stars.

Laura: B says, and I quote, “Do you have a moment to speak about our Lord and Savior Cornelius Fudge?”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Rachel said, “We’ll just giddy-up out of the forest now.”

Laura: [laughs] Oh my God. Yep, instant death. Instant death.

Eric: Oh. Oh my God. John says, “Which one of you is the favorite in the Kentucky Derby?”

Andrew: Oof!

Laura: Ouch.

Eric: Or if you’re British, as they are, “Which one of you is the favorite in the Grand National?”

Laura: Oh, man. Yeah. No, actually, I think this one would be… if I had to stack rank these to say which answer is most likely to get them killed, I think it’s this one. At least so far; we haven’t gotten through the last two.

Micah: Cassandra wrote in to say, “Nice horsey! I’ve got a big apple here if you’ll give us a ride back to school.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Dead on the spot.

Laura: Dead. Dead for sure. And Zachary rounds us out here, saying, “We gave her Veritaserum and her deepest inner secret was to go to the famed Pink Pony Club. We told her you lot would escort her there by horseback.”

Andrew: Oof.

Laura: Well, she gets escorted somewhere. I don’t know that we ever find out where.

Eric: Maybe the centaurs are actually really into Chappell Roan at the moment. Maybe they’ll appreciate the reference.

Laura: Maybe.

Andrew: Well, the Lynx Line is a great way to have your voice heard on the show, and those responses were so good. Our audience is so clever. Our hats are off to you, truly. We ask a new question every week, so we invite you to become a member of our lovely Patreon community at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. You can pledge for as little as $5 a month. If you have feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, and next week, we’ll discuss Chapter 34, “The Department of Mysteries.” If you’re looking for more podcasting from the four of us, listen to our other shows, Millennial and What the Hype?!, for more pop culture and real world talk.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question was: In this chapter, Umbridge placed Stealth Sensor Spells around her office door. Founded by Edward Calahan over 150 years ago, the company which currently holds at least 15% of the market share for home security systems is called… wow, that’s such a long lead-up to that question that the music has stopped.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Sorry, everybody. American… wait, I didn’t even say that. ADT holds 15% of the market share for security systems. What does ADT stand for? The correct answer is American District Telegraph. That’s how old the first security systems were, back when telegraphs were operating. Pretty cool history. 63% of people who got the correct answer said they didn’t look that up, which is actually more than I was expecting. And this week’s winners were submitted by Begging for a Quizzitch Live; Bony Pony; Bort Stop Voldemort Stop… ha, that’s a telegraph joke. Clara; Everybody’s Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Inquisitorial Squad (or so people think); Gwen Weasley; I Am a Nerd; I’m Tired of Summer and Dreaming of Halloween at Hogwarts; Nawt me, Nawt Hermione, YEW…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … Panic! at the Ministry; Peeves was a Knight who said Ni; POV Fudge in Order, Voldemort? Who’s Voldemort? I don’t know no Voldemort; Sirius Black Hills; That one Super Annoying Korok; The old man from Scene 24; and Umbridge is an Ummm-bitch!

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Thank you to everyone for submitting and playing Quizzitch, as always. Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: Based on this week’s chapter title, psychologically human beings respond to threats in one of four ways, all starting with the letter F. Two of them are fight and flight. What are the other two F-words? Please send your F-words to us on the Quizzitch form on the MuggleCast website.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: We will accept multiple F-word answers to us over on MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch. Or if you happen to be on our website – maybe you’re checking out transcripts or the must listens page – click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav bar.

Andrew: Don’t forget to visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast to support us. Also visit MuggleCast.com to find all the information you need about the show. Leave us a review in your favorite podcast app and tell a fellow Muggle about the show. Thanks, everyone, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everyone.

Micah: Bye.

Transcript #713

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #713, The Harry Potter TV Show Reveals First Looks and More!


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And we are your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books, the movies, and the upcoming TV show – we’ll pay a lot of attention to that this week – so make sure you press that follow button in your favorite podcast app, and you will never miss an episode with your Potter people. And this week… I actually lied accidentally at the end of last week’s episode. It’s not another Chapter by Chapter episode of the show; sorry about that. We have a Muggle Mail episode for everybody. And like I said, we’re going to be talking about the Harry Potter TV show.

Micah: You know who feels sorry, Andrew, most of all? I feel sorry because I was coming back from a work trip, and I didn’t anticipate having to plan an episode because I didn’t think it was a Muggle Mail episode because you had said at the end of last week’s episode that we were doing the next chapter.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: So I get back at 2:00 a.m. on Tuesday morning and I’m like, “Oh man, I have to put together a Muggle Mail episode.” But luckily, the bag had been filling up, and so it was easy enough.

Eric: I was going to say, so instead, Micah wrote all of today’s emails, actually.

Micah: I did.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It was easier than opening that…

Micah: Courtesy of ChatGPT.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Oh, you’re not supposed to admit that part, Micah.

Eric: Aww.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: But I did feel bad, Micah, that I kind of messed with you, so I did flesh out this full TV show discussion.

Micah: It was great seeing you, though, by the way.

Andrew: It was good seeing you too. You came to Vegas. I saw Eric here in Vegas, too, a couple weeks ago.

Eric: That was good.

Andrew: I’ve collected two out of three. There’s one more Pokémon to go.

Laura: I know.

Andrew: It’s this Squirtle over here, Laura.

Laura: It’s me. Aw, and that’s my favorite starter Pokémon. How did you know?

Andrew: [laughs] Oh, really? I totally… I was going to say I should have guessed Bulbasaur, because you’re wearing green today.

Laura: Oh. No, I mean, that’s just my favorite color, but I think you could probably guess Squirtle is my favorite starter Pokémon because it is in my PlayStation network username.

Andrew: Oh!

Laura: That’s probably where you got it from.

Andrew: Yeah, deep in my head that came out, yeah. Although, Eric is dressed as Squirtle today, because you’re wearing a blue shirt.

Eric: It’s true, I’m more Squirtle today.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But that’s okay. And nobody is Charizard, or Charmander.


News


Andrew: But anyway, it’s been a very busy week in the world of the Harry Potter TV show. Filming officially began on Monday, July 14, and Warner Bros. released a first look at Dominic McLaughlin as Harry Potter himself. I think everybody looking forward to this went, “Aww.” And he looks like Dan Radcliffe when he started! It’s a cute photo.

Eric: Well, he does have the same color eyes as Dan Radcliffe, which is to say, not the same color of eyes as Lily Potter or Harry in the books, but he’s…

Andrew: That’s it! I’m out! Forget this.

Eric: I know, I know, the negativity rolls on. What I’ve seen in comparison – and this makes sense to me – is the early drawings of Harry Potter, which I think were largely done by Mary Grand-Pré. He looks like those in the same way that 11- or 10-year-old Dan Radcliffe looked like those, and it feels altogether similar, nostalgic, tugs at your heartstrings. He just looks like a cute kid. [laughs] He’s a kid you want to protect at all costs and see succeed, so good for him.

Laura: Yeah, he does look very cute. It’s funny, because I don’t think back in the heyday of casting rumors and first looks during the movies, I don’t think we would have described anyone that way, because we were close in age to the actors.

Eric: Right.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: But now it’s just like, “Oh, he’s such a cute little kid. Someone has to protect him at all costs.” And he looks great; I actually saw a funny comment that was like, “He looks more like Dan Radcliffe than Dan Radcliffe.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: That’s interesting.

Andrew: Yeah, it’s kind of surreal to see this, too, right? Here is a new person stepping into this role. And of course, we’ve seen people portray Harry Potter through the Cursed Child, but this is a massive new undertaking. Warner Bros. has called this an eight to ten year project. We’re going to be looking at this photo in eight to ten years from now being like, “Oh my God, where did the time go?” It’s going to be a completely different child eight to ten years from now. It’s kind of fascinating.

Laura: And then we can look back on our photos and the video evidence of us eight to ten years from now and really make ourselves feel terrible.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: That’s right. Look at us now before we all go gray.

Laura: Oh, it’s already started, Eric. For me, at least. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, same. No, honestly, I’m hiding a few things under this bleach.

Micah: We age like fine wine.

Andrew: We do.

Eric: It’s true.

Micah: But is the scar there, though? I’m trying to…

Andrew: It is. There it is.

Eric: Oh, that’s…

Micah: It’s not as overwhelming as Dan Radcliffe’s, from what I recall.

Andrew: And that’s okay, right? It doesn’t need to hit you over the face.

Micah: Yeah, it needs to be subtle.

Eric: Well, what it is is you’re going to be staring at this scar for eight hours instead of two and a half, so it had to be a little bit more…

Andrew: [laughs] Right. Slow and steady scar exposure is more palatable here.

Eric: Plus, maybe it gets more noticeable as you go on.

Laura: Yeah, I also feel like it’s more book accurate to the way the scar is described. I feel like in the movies, they really leaned in on making it a perfect lightning bolt.

Andrew: Right. [laughs]

Laura: It was too perfect to have worked. But this, I think, is more what I imagined when I was reading.

Andrew: And what you would expect a scar to look like after ten years. Think of ourselves when we have a scar; it’s going to look more like this. So that’s good.

Eric: Well, I’m still going for Mary Grand-Pré’s Goblet of Fire cover accurate canon scar where it’s right in the middle of his forehead.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Ohh. Yeah, that’s a little too on the nose.

Eric: Honestly. This is the best book cover. Harry looks genuinely cute, but the scar is right in the middle of his forehead right here.

Andrew: So Dominic is holding a director’s clapboard, and we see here this is Episode 1, Scene 1. Interesting. But the director, Mark Mylod, he has some big credits under his belt. He was a producer on HBO’s Succession; he directed six episodes of Game of Thrones; he directed Episode 2 of The Last of Us Season 2. You all remember that one?

Eric: Huge action episode.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Andrew: Titled “Through the Valley.”

Laura: Yeah, that was a great episode.

Andrew: He also directed the movie The Menu, which, coincidentally enough, starred Ralph Fiennes. Great movie.

Eric: Oooh!

Andrew: It’s not what you expect; just warning to everybody who watches it.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: We knew he was tied to Harry Potter; we didn’t know he was going to be directing Episode 1, so that’s a little news as well. Warner Bros. also announced that the series is arriving in 2027. They had been saying 2026, then it was 2026/2027, now it’s 2027. Hopefully it’s the start of 2027, because it’s currently July 2025. If we have to wait two years for this, that seems like overkill, so I would think early 2027 is when we’re going to be seeing this series.

Micah: Yeah. Well, especially because we’re looking at Dominic here, but two years from now, he could look totally different when he’s doing press for Sorcerer’s Stone.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Right.

Eric: Oh.

Andrew: I didn’t think about that.

Eric: That’s actually quite funny, yeah.

Andrew: And on a related note, we did learn this week that Seasons 1 and 2 – so in theory, Sorcerer’s Stone and Chamber of Secrets – will film back to back. That is according to Production Weekly, an industry trade publication. And we’ve speculated they might do this type of thing, because the kids, to your point, Micah, are going to be growing up fast, and we don’t want too much whiplash in between seasons, like we have seen with Stranger Things.

Eric: Yeah, and also that news in particular about them filming back to back didn’t surprise me because I remember hearing that for Chamber of Secrets, the movie, they filmed pretty much the week that the first movie opened, so it was that quick a turnaround. But that still was such a time difference that we do have the pronounced… Dan went through puberty between Movies 1 and 2, basically, and had a totally different voice. So I think they’re trying to keep that as smooth as possible, the perceived aging, and then once they’re teenagers, it’s like, “Okay, 13 looks like 14, but 14 doesn’t look like 11.”

Andrew and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: Well, and the other big piece that would have clued us in on that is that they cast Lucius Malfoy, who is not in Sorcerer’s Stone.

Andrew: And Fudge, too.

Laura: Right, and Fudge.

Andrew: And that actor actually confirmed… there’s been a lot of news this week. That actor also confirmed that he is going to be in Season 1, so what does that mean exactly? We don’t know, but we’ll see. Also on Monday, we got four new cast members. Rory Wilmot will play Neville Longbottom, Amos Kitson will play Dudley Dursley, Louise Brealey will play Madam Hooch, and Anton Lesser will play Garrick Ollivander. Takeaway, I’ve seen Neville, the actor playing Neville. Very cute kid. Other than that… they all check out.

Eric: They’re all cute. Especially Anton Lesser as Garrick Ollivander.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: The big news for me – and I wasn’t expecting the TV show to invent new canon or reveal new canon this early – but I do not recall Madam Hooch’s first name being Rolanda.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Oh, I think that’s right.

Andrew: Okay. It is funny you say that, Eric, because I was like, “Wait, we’re talking about Madam Hooch, right, when you say Rolanda Hooch?”

Eric: Yeah, you highlighted it right… you knew exactly where I was going with this.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But wait… okay, so Laura, if it rings a bell, that means, darn it, it was probably from somewhere. But it’s not in the books, surely.

Laura: Yeah, I don’t think that it was in the books. It might have been a Pottermore thing.

Eric: Yeah, probably Pottermore. Rolanda Hooch. Okay, my wife is correcting me in real time. Meg says Rolanda is known. All right.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Well, it’s news to me! That’s what I love the most about this series. It can remind me of things that I never knew before.

Micah: I think a lot of people will know Anton Lesser from Game of Thrones. He played Qyburn.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: And it’ll be very interesting to see him go from a role where he was doing these illegal experiments in service to Cersei Lannister to being the famous wandmaker in the wizarding world.

Eric: Equally creepy, though.

Micah: Eh…

Eric: As we know, Harry is unnerved by him a little bit.

Micah: Well, that was John Hurt’s portrayal. I feel like… it’s funny; I watched the movie Sorcerer’s Stone on the way back from Vegas on the flight, and he does have a creepiness factor to him when he first meets Harry.

Eric: Well, it’s in the book.

Micah: Is it?

Eric: Harry doesn’t know whether he feels comfortable with Ollivander in the book saying that Voldemort did great things. He’s like, “Okay, thanks for the wand. Bye?”

Andrew: Also, Anton Lesser has had a recurring role in Andor, very popular Star Wars series, so people probably recognize him from there as well.

Eric: Oh, yes, yes.

Andrew: Well, the next day, we got our first look at Nick Frost as Hagrid. So two days in a row they released… let’s call them official looks at these actors in these roles. Any thoughts on him? He looks like Hagrid.

Micah: I’m going to reserve… that’s the problem; he looks too much like Robbie Coltrane’s Hagrid, in my opinion. I think they have to change it up a little bit. I think this is a little lacking of creativity.

Andrew: What about this nice button-down shirt?

Micah: [laughs] Hagrid would never go button-down? I mean, Robbie?

Andrew: Yeah, I honestly thought this was pretty nice when I looked at it. [laughs]

Micah: I’m trying to throw a little controversy into this.

Andrew: Oh, okay.

Micah: Instead of us just being like, “Oh, look, Dominic is so cute, and look at all this other…” He looks great, yes, but I do feel like he’s a little too much Robbie Coltrane.

Eric: I feel like there’s going to be these instances where the movie version was particularly book accurate, so that if the show also wants to be book accurate, it’s going to tread on the movie a little. I bet we’re going to see this with Hogwarts. But Nick Frost, I would say, falls into that category where they do seem to have employed the same makeup person who did Robbie Coltrane and put the beard and everything on. He does kind of look like Nick Frost superimposed onto Robbie Coltrane’s Hagrid. I would agree with that.

Laura: I do wonder if this first look is merely just that, a first look. It’s just him in costume without any of the camera tricks they are going to employ to make Hagrid look as massive as we expect Hagrid to look.

Eric: Well, he looks pretty tall in this photo, Laura. His head’s almost cut off by the whole frame.

Andrew: [laughs] No, but I do agree; I think they are shooting him from a slightly lower angle, which is an interesting juxtaposition compared to that one of Dominic, because they’re definitely shooting down. But I see your point, Laura.

Laura: Yeah, and I also will say… I mean, I’ll reserve judgment until we see some actual footage, but I do feel like his… and maybe this is just me being chronically obsessed with hair styling products and stuff. I feel like his hair texture is kind of different. I feel like Robbie Coltrane’s Hagrid had very just bushy hair. It almost looks like his beard has some…

Micah: Volume?

Laura: … more curliness, some more dreadlocks in it, almost. So I feel like they could differentiate this. But I have seen people… I’ve seen some takes that people don’t think he looks…

Eric: Unkempt enough?

Laura: Well, they don’t think he looks bulky enough for Hagrid.

Eric: Mm. It’s time for him to bulk up.

Andrew: Maybe he’s born with it; maybe it’s Rube-line in his hair.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: It does look treated. His beard looks treated.

Micah: I want motorbike Hagrid.

Eric: Right.

Andrew: [laughs] Well, okay, but it’s…

Micah: Tear off the sleeves.

Andrew: They’re probably going for a slightly younger Hagrid, too, right? So there’s that. They’ve been casting younger, it seems.

Eric: Yeah, that’s right.

Andrew: Two – and this is something that surprises me – this photo and the photo of Dominic as Harry, these are not stills from actual scenes.

Eric: They’re not in character.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: It’s like they just got out of their trailers, and surprise, here’s a camera. It’s that type of thing. It surprises me that they’re releasing these as first looks; on the other hand, I think they’re doing it because they’re afraid of paparazzi photos getting out first. And to that point, we did get some paparazzi photos on Thursday. [laughs]

Eric: I love these. Oh, I love these.

Andrew: The Dursleys, baby!

Micah: Is this from To Catch a Predator?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: The ‘stache is very that, but…

Andrew: That is a… yeah, and the Dursleys are no longer traditional hot. But they still look good. [laughs]

Eric: But they’re traditional book… Petunia is blonde! Who called it? Who called it?

Andrew: Woo!

Eric: Couple episodes ago, baby. I was like, “What if Petunia is blonde?”

Andrew: I want those glasses that both of them have. Those are looks.

Eric: They’re very ’90s.

Laura: I just appreciate that they’re leaning into the ’90s of it all, because you can really see that in, I mean, the hairstyles and the glasses and the clothes.

Eric: We haven’t even shown the tracksuit.

Micah: Oh, wow.

Laura: It’s really nice to see that they’re looking period accurate to the story.

Andrew: Look at Dudley! He’s wearing a tracksuit.

Micah: He looks like he’s out of an episode of Saved by the Bell.

Andrew: This looked to me like an outfit that a crew member at Space Mountain at Disney would wear. [laughs]

Eric: Oh, yeah. Very future, very ’90s. Well, there’s another one of Dudley and I assume Piers. They’re both in little tracksuits, it looks like, so that’s really cool.

Andrew: Isn’t that interesting?

Eric: Yeah, I’m glad to see that there is a Piers character at the zoo. There’s one that isn’t part of this Reddit where they’re outside an enclosure. I think it’s a penguin enclosure or something.

Andrew: Oh, really?

Eric: Yeah, so it’s nice to see that those little moments that I think we were all okay with not being 100% adapted into the film still nevertheless are making it into the TV show. This is already confirmation of that. The first week that we see any footage, we can already pretty well prove that they’re going to be more accurate than the movies were, which is great.

Andrew: Yeah, this is already feeling refreshing to me, right? Because I know we were just saying Hagrid maybe looks a little too similar, but you’ve got to carry some things over, because you don’t want to make it too jarring of a change. It’s going to really throw people off. They’re going to have to walk a delicate line, I think.

Eric: I want to say on the record, too, I don’t have any qualms or concerns about Nick Frost’s acting as Hagrid.

Andrew: Me neither.

Laura: Oh, no.

Eric: I think it’s going to be great.

Laura: He’s going to be great.

Eric: We pick apart the look or whatever, but ultimately, it’s going to be a joy and a half to watch.

Andrew: There was also a report today that the show will be filming at Hemel Hempstead School. This is a primary school, so now there’s speculation that St. Gregory’s Primary School, where Harry originally went, will be appearing in the show as well.

Micah: Wow.

Eric: They’re really doing the thing properly.

Andrew: Let’s hope.

Eric: The only thing that happens at that school is he finds himself on the roof.

Laura: Right. Oh, man, it would be so cool if we got to see some of those offscreen moments that we just get to hear about Harry recollecting. That’s a huge way that this show can differentiate itself.

Andrew: That would be great character development for Harry, getting more of his pre-“You’re a wizard, Harry” life.

Eric: And already more substantial flashbacks than the last four Harry Potter films.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah. So y’all, we are in it now. This is happening; the show has started. The news is coming quick. I’m going to be curious to see how many of these first looks they unveil over the next few weeks, because like I said, I think they want to stay ahead of these paparazzi photos.

Micah: Well, that’s the other piece that I was going to say, too, is that we live in a totally different world now, where information can just get out so much more readily.

Laura: Right.

Micah: Where it happened at times when the movies were filming back in the early 2000s, but nothing like what exists today with social media. So the production team is going to have to do a good job, and the PR team is going to have to do an even better job of staying on top of those things. But I do like one thing that Camille said in the Discord: “If Dudley doesn’t have any Chicago Bulls gear, we riot.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Because the long-standing joke is that throughout all the Harry Potter series existing in the ’90s, there wasn’t one mention of the Chicago Bulls six NBA championships. So there has to be a shot at some point of Dudley in Bulls gear.

Andrew: So everyone, stick with MuggleCast for continuing coverage of the Harry Potter TV show. Like I said, we are in it now. It’s exciting to see it finally underway. We are fully committed to covering the Harry Potter TV show over the next couple years and beyond, so help us go on this journey with you. We invite you to become a member of our community at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. By financially supporting us for as little as $5 a month, you can get instant access to two bonus MuggleCast episodes every month, plus you’ll get ad-free episodes, access to our recording studio, a personal video “Thank you” message from one of the four MuggleCasters, and a lot more. And in a new bonus MuggleCast coming up later this week, we will be reminiscing over the craziest month in Harry Potter fandom history, July 2007, 18 years ago this month, when the Order of the Phoenix movie and…

Micah: Don’t you have a song about that?

Andrew: Yes, “Don’t Let it Be July” was my wizard rock song, because it was going to be the end. July 2007, the Order of the Phoenix movie and the Deathly Hallows book came out within ten days of each other. Crazy time to be a member of the fandom, so we’ll talk about what we were doing all those years ago. If you’re looking for other ways to support us, visit MuggleCastMerch.com to buy official gear, leave us a review on your favorite podcast app, and tell a friend about our show. And you can visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all of this information, our contact form, and lots more. All right, we’re going to take a quick break, and when we come back, we’ll jump into some voicemails.

[Ad break]


Listener Feedback


Micah: This is going to be a fun mailbag episode. We got a number of different voicemails on a number of different topics, and then our Muggle Mail specifically, we have a wide range of topics there as well, but then we’ll jump into Order of the Phoenix-specific feedback.

Andrew: This first one is from Zacharias Not Smith about Order of the Phoenix issues.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hey y’all, it’s Zacharias Not Smith. I wanted to bring light to one or two of my biggest issues with the entire series that just so happen to be resolved at the end of this book: Sirius’s innocence and proof Voldemort is back. The Pensieve exists, and I’m pretty sure Harry would willingly give over the memories to clear his godfather’s name and to prove the Dark Lord has returned. Thanks for making my Mondays great. Here’s to 700 more.”

[Voicemail ends]

Andrew: Aww. Thanks, Not Smith.

Micah: It’s an excellent point. Harry could easily give his memories over to be viewed in the Pensieve to clear Sirius’s name, to prove Voldemort has returned, but for some reason, nobody thinks that that’s a good idea. Shame on you, Dumbledore.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Well, it’s all about how they can convince themselves that it’s not happening, because if Harry were to give over his untainted memory, they would accuse him of making it up or Dumbledore of having influence over his memory or something like that. They would say, “Fake news! Fake memories!” and not believe it.

Laura: I agree. And in general, I mean – we’ve talked about this before – they could use this at all kinds of trials, and they don’t, for whatever reason.

Eric: It should honestly be the first resort, because very few wizards are skilled enough to edit their memories in any such way. It’s very obvious when Slughorn, a tenured professor, tries to do it, and so it seems foolproof.

Andrew: All right, next voicemail comes from Michelle about Snape’s Worst Memory.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hey, y’all. My name is Michelle, and I’m in Ravenclaw. I wanted to talk about my favorite book and my favorite chapter, Order of the Phoenix, ‘Snape’s Worst Memory.’ I was 15 years old when this book came out, so same age as Harry. I remember relating to a lot of moments with Harry in this book, especially in this chapter where he realizes his dad isn’t perfect. I had that same feeling, same age. Another point I wanted to bring up is Dumbledore had really good foresight in placing Harry with a Muggle family. I mean, for obvious reasons, but I also believe if Harry had grown up in a wizarding family, he would have been spoiled and rude and a bully, like we see here in this chapter with his dad, or with Draco, how Draco treats Harry. Speaking of Draco, I wanted to share my favorite Draco headcanon: He loves to make badges. For example, in the fourth book, he made the ‘Potter stinks; Cedric rules’ badge, and then during this book, he made the ‘Weasley Is Our King’ badge, and how much you want to bet for the Inquisitorial Squad, he asked Umbridge if he could make the badges for that too? Lastly, I’d love to have Julian on more as your guys’ guest. He brings so much to the conversation. I love this episode. I love you guys. Thanks again.”

[Voicemail ends]

Andrew: We agree; he’s a great guy. Him and I were DMing after and he said he’d love to come back anytime, so we will definitely keep that in mind, Michelle.

Eric: He’s great. Really loved his episodes.

Micah: I would like him to be on when I’m on, too, if that’s possible.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, we’ll work on that, Micah.

Eric: You want to meet him someday.

Micah: Yeah, you know, it’d be nice. I know he’s been a great cohost in my absence.

Eric: Well, as to what Michelle was saying, I wish there were a middle ground between leaving Harry with the Muggles who are going to abuse and neglect him and really just give him the worst childhood imaginable, and a wizarding family that’s going to spoil him and not make him a whole person in some hypothetical way. Because Dumbledore seems fine with his decision, but I’m not.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: There has to have been some kind of… the only idea that Harry turned out so good because he was deeply abused is problematic. Not that Michelle is saying that, but I think in popular discourse, kind of viewing it as there had to have been a wizarding family that would have been happy to take in the savior of the wizarding world.

Laura: Yeah, I think… doesn’t Dumbledore bring this up in Chapter 1 of Sorcerer’s Stone? Where he says…

Eric: “He’s better off away from all that.”

Laura: Yeah, “Everyone will know his name. There will probably be a Harry Potter Day.” And I agree that it could have played out to sort of the opposite extreme, where Harry could have maybe ended up being more like James. I guess it becomes a question of, like, is it nature? Is it nurture? But yeah, it definitely sucks that Dumbledore felt like he had to choose between…

Eric: Two extremes?

Laura: Well, yeah. I mean, I was going to say not even just neglect; I mean, outright abuse.

Eric: Yeah, the frying pan misses Harry by inches when he’s 11. Well, and I wonder… by the time that Dumbledore drops Harry off, McGonagall has been watching them all day. She 100% has the measure of exactly who these people are, and Dumbledore still leaves him with them. There were even some Muggles that wouldn’t have abused Harry. It’s really the baggage that Petunia has between her sister that Dumbledore knows especially about, by the way, that led him to believe, “Hey, it’s fine. We’ll just do this.”

Laura: Yeah. Well, there’s also the… go ahead, Micah.

Micah: The family protection. Is that what we were going with here? Yeah, the magical protection that’s in place. He can’t just be placed with anybody, because there’s a very real possibility that Voldemort is still out there, and if he was just randomly hanging out with the Longbottoms or the Weasleys or another wizarding family, he would be at risk.

Eric: Dumbledore should have brought him to his house.

Micah: Well, there’s that. I mean, I would say the next safest place for Harry… Harry could have grown up at Hogwarts.

Andrew: To the point about learning something critical about your parents later on, Michelle, that stood out to me as well. I think when we’re children, we kind of look at… we put our parents on pedestals and we don’t see any faults with them, but as you get older, as you live more life, you start seeing different types of people, and you realize that your parents might not be as perfect as you thought they once were either. So definitely a relatable experience. All right, next voicemail comes from Angela about Grawp.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hi, my name is Angela. I’m known as Gwen Weasley on MNI when that existed, and a proud Ravenclaw. Favorite book is Half-Blood Prince. But now let’s talk about Grawp. So when Hagrid decided to take the children into the forest to meet his giant half-brother, first things first: Why didn’t he just pick them up and carry them? They were getting terribly damaged and slowing him down; he could have carried them. Secondly, this brother of his has been destroying him for months. What was going through his mind when he said, ‘Let’s have the 15-year-olds now deal with this, these people who are a third my size. I’m barely surviving it, but let’s put it on the kids.’ What was he thinking?”

[Voicemail ends]

Micah: He wasn’t.

Laura: Yeah, very good questions. [laughs]

Andrew: And we were talking about this a little bit, too, right? Probably after this voicemail came in. It’s just insane to think that Hagrid would want to put 15-year-olds in charge of taking care of Grawp. It’s irresponsible. It makes no sense. It’s putting the kids and Grawp in danger; it’s arguably putting the rest of the school in danger if the kids mishandle Grawp, which, of course they would. It’s just such a messy situation. Such a bad idea all around.

Eric: Yeah, especially because Hagrid had not really made any inroads or successes to that point of training Grawp literally at all. The fact that Hagrid couldn’t even get himself out of harm’s way, and he’s the closest to them. He thinks introducing the kids for one minute or five minutes is going to breed that level of familiarity that he has with Hagrid after six months? No. You could say he’s desperate, and he is, but not only does that not excuse it, it also… there’s no reason he needs to be desperate. He brought this whole situation on himself. So Hagrid having Grawp here is really his own making, 100%. Every one of his problems is his fault.

Andrew: Second to last voicemail today comes from Karin.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hey, MuggleCast. This is Karin the Hufflepuff, and I’m sending this message because on this reread of the Order of the Phoenix, I have been really struck by how much Harry feels drawn to teaching. We see him really looking forward to the DA lessons and planning the sessions really thoughtfully, and it just made me wonder why Harry became an Auror. Was it because he wanted to, or was he pushed into it because of all of his experience fighting Voldemort and the Death Eaters? He certainly has a tendency for saving people, so it doesn’t seem completely out of the realm of possibility for him to be an Auror, but it’s just something that I’ve been wondering about. And then that thought led me to wonder about the other characters’ careers, and whether we think each of them ended up in the career that makes the most sense. So for example, we know that Hermione is dedicated to making change, particularly around rights for house-elves and other magical creatures, but is politics and becoming Minister for Magic the best career for her to do that? And we’ve certainly seen in the Muggle world that politicians can’t always be relied upon to make changes that benefit the people. So anyway, I was partly inspired by a previous Muggle Mail episode where you re-Sorted the Weasleys into different Houses, and I’m wondering if it might be fun to do something similar by discussing how well or how poorly various characters’ careers suit their interests and personalities. And if you could change characters’ careers, would you change them? And what would you change them to? I’d love to hear your thoughts, and thank you as always for all you do.”

[Voicemail ends]

Laura: Ooh, this is a really good question.

Eric: I love this question. Thank you, Karin, for sending it.

Andrew: I like Harry in the Auror role, because as we’ve been joking, as Hermione brings up, he has a saving-people thing, and it’s just in his heart to help others, so being an Auror makes sense. Now, you could say being a teacher is also a way to help others, but Harry seems… Harry is a more adventurous type. He’s a Gryffindor. He wants to be out there; he wants to be on the move.

Eric: Maybe he just wanted to get paid well, so he became a cop instead of a teacher.

Andrew: Yeah! Maybe he had enough of Hogwarts. He didn’t want another second of that school and all the security nightmares that exist.

Eric: It’s interesting that Harry and Neville are often compared to one another. Neville does teach, so it’s interesting to see Neville follow that path in lieu of Harry. I think being an Auror – we talked about this during “Career Advice” – but it’s the only thing Harry ever thought of doing, because literally the only person that ever said to him, “You would be a good this-that,” is the guy who said, “You’d be a good Auror.” I think that he understands exactly what made Lupin a great teacher, and so Harry, too, genuinely cares about people, or gets to know people enough, the way that Lupin would always know a little tidbit about his student to lift them up. So I think Harry has the qualities to become a really good teacher. As for what Ron should have been instead, or any of the other characters… Hermione as Minister of Magic probably is spot on. [laughs] But Ron, yeah, I don’t know. Doesn’t he at one point help out with Fred and George’s shop? I think that’s a pretty good fit for him.

Laura: Yeah, he does. But he later becomes an Auror, right?

Eric: Yeah, with Harry.

Laura: That always kind of surprised me a little bit. And I like Ron; I like his character, but I just don’t know that we got to see the full character development that took him there.

Eric: What he should have done is followed in his father’s footsteps, interfering with Muggle things by basically becoming a craftsman for new Wizard’s Chess sets.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That would have been really… because he’s strategic, right? This is the Ron character trait that died after Book 1. I’d love to see that kind of re-found in his adult life.

Micah: Or just become a professional Wizard Chess player. That would be…

Andrew: Oooh.

Laura: Yeah, presumably they have that.

Eric: Like The Queen’s Gambit but with Ron? Yeah.

Andrew: “Knight to E5!”

Micah: I tend to agree about Harry becoming the Auror. I think it’s a little bit too much on the nose. It’s something that he aspired to, certainly, while he was at Hogwarts, but he caught arguably the Darkest wizard ever, so really, what else is there for him to do, to aspire to within his career?

Eric: Where do you go from there?

Andrew: When you peak, yeah.

Micah: I like the idea of him teaching. I feel like – as was pointed out by Karin – he does an amazing job leading Dumbledore’s Army at a very young age, and I think there would be something to the fact that he’s the one that actually steps into the role that’s finally… we’ll talk about this a little later; the curse is finally broken on the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, and it’s Harry who steps in to fill that role that Voldemort was never able to aspire to.

Laura: Yeah, I love that. I do tend to agree that Harry becoming an Auror really does feel a little too on the nose. I think I said when we were chatting about the “Career Advice” chapter that it kind of feels like Harry just chose that because he didn’t know what else to pick, so he just picked what was familiar to him and what he’s always done.

Andrew: Maybe he wanted to become an Auror so he could be within the Ministry so he could continue keeping an eye on them. And I know Hermione becomes the Minister for Magic, but maybe he doesn’t trust the Ministry and just wants to have some sort of hand in it.

Laura: It is kind of shocking – and this will be the last thing I say on this – to see the entire trio end up working for the Ministry after the events of Book 7, because I would imagine that those events would create a lot of distrust for the Ministry, and that people wouldn’t be super excited to work there.

Andrew: All right, well, final voicemail today is from Kayla about… us?

[Voicemail plays]

“Hey, MuggleCast. I just wanted to tell y’all about how excited I am because my city that I live in is putting on a Harry Potter fair next weekend, and I’m so excited to go. And it’s going on on June 7, which, I mean, can you get a better date? The seventh? Of course I’m going to go! And I’m very proud to say that I’m going to be sporting all of my Hufflepuff gear. I have a bright yellow Hufflepuff shirt; I have a Hufflepuff purse; I even have Tonks’s wand that I’m going to carry with me. And I bought a MuggleCast baseball hat because I’m going to listen to y’all the whole day, and I wanted to advertise that, ‘Hey, there’s a Harry Potter podcast that you should listen to.’ And I’m also going to take my stuffed Hedwig with me, because she deserves to go. Anyway, love y’all, and thanks for the podcast. Bye.”

[Voicemail ends]

Andrew: We love you too, Kayla. That’s great!

Laura: Thanks, Kayla.

Andrew: Thanks for representing! I thought she was ready to board the Hogwarts Express with the noise we were hearing in the background.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I thought she was going to be like, “I’m wearing my MuggleCast hat to Hogwarts, everybody! Representing!” We’ll take one more break today, and then we’ll open up the written mailbag. We’ll be right back.

[Ad break]

Andrew: Time for a variety of different emails about recent episodes; I believe Micah is calling this segment “Potpourri.” The first one is from SquibMatthew on Harry’s obsession with Dumbledore.

“Hey, y’all. Is it me or does Harry’s obsession with Dumbledore seem odd? I get that he’s the father figure he never had when he was growing up, but how much time do they ever spend together? If you add up all their moments together in the first five books, how long is it? Hours? At most, a day. Isn’t it weird that, in Book 5, he’s overwhelmed by the fact a man (he’d maybe spent a day or two with over a half decade) isn’t looking at him? Just wondering your thoughts, SquibMatthew.”

Laura: I mean, maybe they haven’t spent that much time together, but the time they’ve spent together has been pretty important. I mean, there’s never been… I can’t think of a time where Harry and Dumbledore had an exchange that was anything less than noteworthy.

Eric: Right.

Laura: They pop off the page for a reason.

Eric: They’re critical, too. Harry is not… I reject the idea that Harry is obsessed with Dumbledore. Dumbledore has critical information that’s necessary for Harry, and he’s withholding it from him. The whole reason that Harry is concerned that Dumbledore is not paying attention to him is because Dumbledore has the answers and is choosing not to divulge them, answers that would give Harry a significant amount of peace of mind. So there’s no peace in all of Book 5 until Harry can actually be leveled with by Dumbledore, and in all the years prior, Dumbledore has held all the cards and routinely put Harry at risk. So I wouldn’t say Harry is obsessed with him at all; I would say Dumbledore has put himself directly…

Micah: It’s the other way around.

Eric: Yeah, that’s right.

Micah: I would say, too, that it’s not just that Dumbledore isn’t looking at Harry; he is outright ignoring him. He is doing nothing to make contact with Harry, even when Harry is trying to make contact with him, and he isolates him to a point of Harry and Sirius’s own detriment by the end of this book. So yeah, I don’t necessarily agree with the whole “He’s only known him for a couple days in total.” Dumbledore is a very important figure in Harry’s life.

Andrew: Who’s running Hogwarts, who has a plan to fight Voldemort. He’s not just any old guy there.

Eric: Yeah, their destinies intersect in no small way. To Laura’s point, every conversation has been noteworthy. You ever had anybody give you the silent treatment? You ever try not to think about that person when they’re giving you the silent treatment? It doesn’t work.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: So this explains Harry’s behavior, I think, in Book 5.

Micah: Right, 150-year-old behaving like a 5-year-old.

Eric: Yeah, Dumbledore! Gosh, grow up, man.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Our next email comes from Jen.

“Hey y’all, I’ve been thinking about something that you said earlier in this book and I can’t decide if it’s stuck because it’s so brilliant my mind is blown, or if it’s because I just want more of your thoughts to wrap my brain around it!”

This is tremendously kind.

“Y’all were talking about how Dumbledore used the DADA position as a signal that Voldemort was still alive, because if he was dead, the curse would end.”

This is brilliant.

“Is that true? All those Egyptian curses Bill breaks for a living are cast by wizards long dead… right? Or do you think Dumbledore had some way to know the difference in the types of curses? You also briefly alluded to what exactly it was that was ‘holding the curse’ there but didn’t stay on the topic long, so I wanted to bring you back to that too. Is it some part of the building like the DADA classroom or some hidden object… or just lazy writing by the author who hadn’t established all the rules yet? Thanks for your thoughts!”

Laura: I think that last point is definitely a possibility, [laughs] because there are a few things about the way magic works in this world that we don’t really get to understand why it works the way it does; we’re just supposed to assume that it is the way it is.

Eric: I seem to remember talking about this and saying it wasn’t like Voldemort uttered an incantation; there wasn’t a specific spell that made this happen to the DADA position, but it was like a force or a will that comes out of somebody as powerful as Voldemort. Regarding the Egyptians, I feel like those curses were very strictly around “Don’t desecrate this tomb,” and so those could last for longer. They’re less circumstantial. It’s like, “We’re going to cast something that lasts, that doesn’t have any variables except nobody walk in here,” and those curses would last a lot longer than someone’s own mortality. But something like Voldemort’s constantly checking into that role, there’s a hundred different ways somebody could fail in that role or be gone within a year; that’s going to be the kind of magic that lasts only as long as the caster is alive, is my guess. Does that make sense?

Micah: Yeah, I’m pretty sure that the author had said that the curse was broken once Voldemort had died.

Eric: Which, thank God, right? [laughs]

Laura: I think that’s right.

Andrew: Yeah, and I think there could just be different types of curses. There’s Egyptian curses that can last long after somebody has died, and then there’s this type of curse where it’s there whether or not they’re alive. It’s just… there’s no one rule when it comes to curses, I think.

Eric: It is a good thought, though, if you consider that there is magic around from thousands of years ago that’s still active. That’s cool.

Laura: Arista reached out to us about Rita Skeeter. They say,

“Hey guys! Listening to your episode ‘Keep Your Friends Close and Your Beetles Closer’ currently, and I think it’s important to note that Rita does not in fact turn over a new leaf. For one thing, it’s Hermione in Order of the Phoenix that asks Harry if he’s ready to tell the public the truth, and in Deathly Hallows, Rita writes a whole book exposing Dumbledore (granted, lots of things in there aren’t untrue, but could have been revealed in a much softer way). Love the show.”

Yeah, I think that’s a good thing to bring up, actually, that Rita never really changes, despite Hermione psychotically keeping her in a jar for two weeks, three weeks.

Andrew: And I’ll take the blame for this one; it may have been me that says Rita turned a new leaf. I’m just thinking of that because I think of the video game Animal Crossing: New Leaf, so I’ve liked using that phrase.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: But let’s just say that Rita behaves differently after the events of Goblet of Fire. [laughs]

Eric: She has a redemption, yeah. Even if she reverts in Deathly Hallows to do the Dumbledore thing, that’s obviously a very important part of the plot of Book 7, is that somebody uncovers all the lies Dumbledore told when he was alive, because he’s no longer alive and somebody needs to give that information to the world. Why not Rita? But I do think that Rita has either a tendency now to think about things a second time – whereas she normally would have just been her awful self in Book 4, now she might think twice about it – or at the very least, the Quibbler situation redeemed Rita. So if she went back to being awful afterwards, great, but I do see this still as a redemptive moment where she had the choice, at least, to turn over a new leaf.

Laura: You know what, though? I think that she did what she did in Deathly Hallows because the circumstances allowed it, because remember, Hermione threatened to expose her for being an illegal Animagus, but by the time you get to Book 7, that almost doesn’t matter anymore. That doesn’t even rate on the top list of priorities; they’ve got way bigger fish to fry, and I think she knew that and took advantage of it. I think she’s an opportunist at the end of the day.

Micah: 100%. And I think the success that she did have from the Quibbler emboldened her even more. That story and the stories she wrote about Harry re-elevated her status and positioned her well enough to write what she did in Deathly Hallows. So even though there was good that came out of Harry’s article with the Quibbler, there was also good that came out of it for Rita as well.

Eric: That’s a good point.

Micah: All right, our next email is from Ollie on Harry’s binding magical contract in Goblet of Fire.

“Hey MuggleCast, this is Ollie, a Slytherin from Edinburgh, Scotland! My favorite Harry Potter book has always been the Goblet of Fire, but there’s something about it that’s never sat well with me – the binding magical contract. You know what I’m talking about! It just never made sense that it’s swept under the rug with no explanation given. My headcanon is that Dumbledore WANTED Harry in the tournament, and not only that, but he asked Mad-Eye Fakey to make it happen. This is how I think it played out: Voldy told Barty Crouch, Jr. to make sure Harry is in the tournament, but when Barty Crouch, Jr. goes to Hogwarts as Mad-Eye Fakey, he’s surprised to find Dumbledore asking him to do the exact same thing.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: “Just my luck!”

“Dumbledore has a long history of putting Harry in dangerous situations to test his abilities and prepare him for the journey ahead, and it seems to me that he wouldn’t let the tournament go to waste – it’s the perfect opportunity to put him to the test. To me, this explains why Dumbledore never goes into detail about the magical contract (it’s all a big lie to get the other headmasters off his back), and why he never makes any serious attempt to find out who’s responsible. Notably Dumbledore asks Harry if he asked an older student to put his name in the goblet – something Dumbledore knows full well isn’t possible. It’s all performative for the other people in the room. My bet is it made Fakey’s job a lot easier throughout the year, and Dumbledore never suspected he was an imposter until he takes Harry away after the third task.
When Dumbledore interrogates Barty Crouch, Jr., he doesn’t ask about the goblet. He wouldn’t want Barty Crouch, Jr. to reveal he was partly to blame. Dumbledore never tells Harry, as he was devastated he got double-crossed by Barty Crouch, Jr. and played straight into Voldemort’s hand. It could even be another reason Dumbledore is distant with Harry and extra protective of him in the next book. What do you think of my theory? Too mad, or does it explain the biggest plot hole in
Goblet of Fire? Love the show and thanks for everything you do.”

Andrew: You know, I might be able to go along on this ride, but your point simply being that Dumbledore has a long history of putting Harry in dangerous situations to test his abilities, and that’s why he did it? That’s not enough for me. There has to be more there for Dumbledore, another reason for Dumbledore to have done this, because I don’t think that’s enough. This is a very dangerous situation for Harry to be in. That’s kind of the whole point of the tournament.

Eric: What is that saying? That God does not play dice with the universe? Dumbledore absolutely plays dice with Harry Potter all the time.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But I still don’t really necessarily buy that Dumbledore wanted Harry in the tournament and conspired to make it happen. After all, Dumbledore is a big picture planner, and Dumbledore 100% knows that Harry has to be the one to defeat Voldemort, and so he’s not going to go put Harry in this tournament where a dragon can roast him, or mermaids can drown him, or hedges can grab him and any of this other stuff, and kill Harry prior to him getting his chance to save the wizarding world. So it’s just too reckless for me. Dumbledore is a reckless character; it’s too reckless for me to buy into with Dumbledore’s motive here. I think that I’m going to prefer to believe that the stated goal of the Triwizard Tournament is what it was, which is to say that they just thought the Triwizard tournament and hosting it would actually be a welcome relief from all the Dementor stuff the previous year, which had to do about Harry Potter in a big way, and they really just wanted people to be able to take their mind off the nonsense. And then when it was Harry in the tournament, they can’t do that, because here we go again.

Andrew: All right, well, let’s move on to some Order of the Phoenix feedback now. This is from Jerri on Snape baiting Harry.

“Hi, you all. Just listened to the Chapter by Chapter covering Harry’s first Occlumency lesson. I would like to point out something for you folks to watch for and think about.”

And this was sent in before we hit the “Snape’s Worst Memory” chapter.

“We know that Harry watches Snape put some memories in the Pensieve before the lesson. As I recall, Harry sees this happen before EVERY lesson. AND at least two times during the lessons, Snape walks out of the room during a lesson, leaving Harry alone with the Pensieve containing the memories that we are to assume that Snape didn’t want Harry to see. Once when Trelawney is being fired, and once when Montague is being found in a toilet. And we know from other parts of the books that Snape considers Harry to be a rule breaker and ‘line crosser,’ nosy, and so on. No matter how much of a hurry Snape was in to investigate the disturbances, WHY did he not push Harry out of his office in front of him and at least shut if not lock the door? Since I don’t think Snape is stupid, my theory is that he really WANTED Harry to see at least some of those memories to undermine his feelings for James, or for some other reason. I suppose it was just that the author wanted Harry to see those memories and couldn’t think of any other way to make it happen, but I prefer my theory. Snape is intelligent and also suspicious of Harry. Leaving Harry alone in his office with the Pensieve full of memories ONCE might be an error, but doing it two times seems like a plan. So please keep this in mind for the next several chapters as this thread is followed. Jerri, a 68-year-old Hufflepuff.”

Eric: Aww.

Andrew: Thank you, Jerri. I like the idea, but Snape is so angry at Harry for breaking into his memories. And maybe to your point, Snape is angry because Harry saw them, and it might be hitting Snape just how bad it was that James treated him, so maybe that’s why he’s angry, but what worse to take away is that Snape is livid because Harry violated Snape’s trust and privacy. So not a bad idea, but personally, I don’t think Snape planned this.

Eric: I think it’s a good example of Snape being human in that he can make a mistake like this. This seems like a very obvious security flaw or whatever.

Andrew: [imitating Snape] “Everybody has those days.”

Eric: [laughs] But I do think that he’s also counting, on some level, on the fact that he terrifies Harry, and he terrifies his students, and so no student would really ever dare… even though Harry had the opportunity, and heck, even a morbid curiosity about this sort of thing, I don’t think Snape actually considered that he would do it. How wild is that? Because as much as he keeps going on about Harry being just like his father and stuff, it’s more of a James moment than a Harry moment by a mile.

Laura: Well, we got a somewhat similar email from Matt, who wrote in about maybe Dumbledore’s larger plan when it comes to Snape leading these Occlumency lessons. Matt says,

“Howdy, ya’ll! I just listened to Episode 703, ‘Snape’s True Colors,’ and I wanted to share my personal headcanon about Snape and the Occlumency lessons he’s giving to Harry. You keep talking about how he’s a bad teacher for this subject and Dumbledore should absolutely know better than to put him in charge of it. Which should be true. But I think Dumbledore knew exactly what he was doing, because Snape isn’t there specifically to teach Harry anything. Just a few weeks before this, Harry was shown to have a definitive connection to Voldemort during Nagini’s attack of Mr. Weasley. So what Snape has been tasked with is probing Harry’s mind to see how compromised he may or may not be. And beyond that, based on how the lessons continue to go, I could argue that Snape is actively trying to weaken Harry’s mind. It seems possible to me that Dumbledore would not hesitate to have Snape use the mind connection as bait to force Voldemort into making a move. Snape could even be on orders to tell Voldemort that he’s doing this to Harry. It’s not a perfect headcanon, but it resonates with me because I absolutely see Dumbledore trying to use this connection between Harry and Voldemort as a tool rather than just getting rid of it. I love the podcast and I’ve been listening to it for a few years now, and I’m looking forward to all the great episodes to come. Thank y’all for everything!”

Eric: This next one comes from Eilidh on Hermione’s treatment of Firenze.

“Hey y’all, I love the podcast and am really enjoying the Chapter by Chapter reread! Just listened to your episode about ‘The Centaur and the Sneak’ and wanted to share a different take on Hermione’s comments about Firenze. I never read it as Hermione dismissing Firenze’s value or ability to teach – I think she is dismissing Lavender and Parvati’s description of him as gorgeous, and their assertion that Hermione would want to attend his class simply for the eye candy. Hermione values classes by their academic content irrespective of the attractiveness of the teacher, and she has already dismissed Divination as an academic subject. I see where you were coming from about the ‘horse’ comments being offensive, but I really don’t think she was trying to say he’d be a bad teacher – just that he’d be a bad choice as a romantic interest. In the Muggle world, I always found it really weird when school classmates had crushes on teachers – the age difference and power imbalance is a bit icky – and I view Lavender and Parvati’s comments similarly, with the added magical complication of inter-species differences. Thanks for everything you do for the show, you’re all amazing, Eilidh.”

I love this. This is great. I think this works for me. What about you guys?

Micah: Nope, nope.

Eric: No?

Laura: I mean, Hermione totally has a crush on Lockhart…

Micah: I was going to say the same thing.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: … and she cuts him so much slack.

Eric: But she did the year before she even met Trelawney. That was three years ago at this point.

Micah: But this isn’t about Trelawney.

Eric: This is about Hermione growing up. Hermione hasn’t had a crush on a teacher… okay, say that Parvati and Lavender are goading Hermione into taking this class because the teacher’s a hunk, right? Which is basically what they’re doing. Hermione has grown from her experience with Lockhart; she thinks they should too. It’s like, “Girls, that was so three years ago.” And also, after Lockhart is when Hermione dismisses Divination as an academic subject, and then two years after that is where we are now. So I think this fully tracks for me.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, I feel like she could have dismissed that motivation for taking the class without calling Firenze a horse. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah. And I mean…

Laura: Again, she’s 15, so she is acting her age, I think.

Eric: Specificity matters.

Andrew: Eilidh is also coming at this as somebody who found it weird when school classmates had crushes on teachers. I think that was quite common and normal for people. I mean, I had crushes on school teachers growing up.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Andrew: I feel like I knew a lot of people who did. But that said, I don’t really think it was about that either. [laughs] I don’t think it was about the attraction there, necessarily.

Eric: Well, I think that it makes perfect sense to me for Hermione to be skeptical or turned off of the idea that Lavender and Parvati are ogling one of their teachers, because she just sees that as a really girly thing to do, but it’s very beneath where Hermione thinks she is.

Micah: Yeah, but I mean, I’m just looking at what is said in this email, and Eilidh says that Hermione values classes by their academic content irrespective of the attractiveness of the teacher, and that’s just not true.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I tend to think that she was looking for any excuse to downplay Divination as a subject.

Micah: I agree. It’s the way she refers to Firenze, though. It would be one thing to refer to him… or it would be one thing for her to position it to Lavender and Parvati as saying, “Oh, let’s not base the success of this course on the teacher’s attractiveness or unattractiveness.” She refers to him as a horse and a four-legged creature. That’s pretty insulting.

Andrew: Yeah, and she also could have just said to them, “I don’t see what you see in him,” something a little less insulting than calling him a horse.

Eric: Yeah. Well, and she knows that they’re… I mean, they’re the Divination girlies too, right? They’re the ones who are always up Sybill Trelawney’s behind.

Micah: For somebody who is actively campaigning in this book for the liberation of house-elves to be so crude towards another wizarding race just seems off to me.

Eric: I do think, as I think I said during the episode, it’s a consequence of the fact that the chapter opens with that off-handed remark, and I don’t think it was ever meant to be focused on the way that we have done. Very rightly so, because it’s an offensive statement, but I think it was only ever meant to be a way in which to skip three weeks of time.

Laura: Yeah, and I mean, also, Hermione is 15. We all said crappy stuff when we were 15.

Andrew: Yep. I think we talked about that at the time as well. And Hermione does have these moments every once in a while where it’s like, “Damn, Hermione. What?”

Eric: It’s true.

Micah: Like locking somebody in a jar.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: That she does after Book 2. Yeah, that’s more recent.

Micah: Right. Well, speaking of questionable acts, this next email is from Bev on the Marauders’ treatment of Snape.

“Dear Andrew, Laura, Eric, and Micah. Listening to the podcast this week, I was struck by something, and I’m not really sure why I hadn’t made any connection till now. When the Marauders decide to turn Snape upside down just ‘for a laugh’ (though we know full well it’s actually bullying), it felt horribly similar to the scene in Goblet of Fire when the Death Eaters toy with the Roberts family at the…”

[laughs] She says Quizzitch.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Tried to trick me there.

“… Quidditch World Cup. This put their antics in a disturbing new light for me. We want to see them on the side of right and as a fun group of students to be around, but when they do this – even if it is to a character we don’t much like – I think some reassessment is called for.”

Eric: Yep.

Andrew: Yeah, so what Bev is saying is it is Death Eater behavior what they’re doing there? Is that basically her point?

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Something that struck me when we read that this time around is that James says, if I recall correctly, towards the end of the memory, “Who wants to see me take Snivelly’s pants off?” And we’re all American here, so I think when we read this initially, we just thought he was talking about trousers. But we’ve since learned that in the UK, pants just means underpants, so I mean, he was really trying to expose Snape much in the same way that the Death Eaters at the World Cup were turning the Muggle woman upside down to cause her nightdress to fall and expose her. I think it’s a great callout.

Micah: I think there’s a slight difference between what happens here. I think certainly there’s bullying in both cases, but I think there’s even more of a malicious intent behind what the Death Eaters are doing versus what the Marauders are doing. I think the Marauders… and I guess you could say both are having “fun,” but I would like to think better of the Marauders. But I know it’s hard to justify their actions. You can say they’re just kids, but…

Andrew: Well, that’s what I was just going to say. I don’t think you need to try and think better of the Marauders as kids. As adults, yeah, definitely think better of them, but as kids, well, we don’t owe them anything. All right, next email is from Molly on racism in Harry Potter.

“Hey, MuggleCasters! I really enjoyed your discussion of Chapter 28 and Julian’s comments on Snape’s casting and racism. One thing I noticed in that discussion is that you talked about how prejudice is based on blood status and not race in the books. However, in Order of the Phoenix, Pansy Parkinson does mock Angelina Johnson’s braids in a way that does feel racist. I’m curious whether the new series will have more of an intersectional approach to Snape and any other characters who are played by actors of color. It seems odd to ignore race altogether, especially when many characters (like Harry) grew up in the Muggle world. Curious about your thoughts! Also, I couldn’t help thinking about what we might think if we saw an isolated incident of Harry and Draco from Draco’s perspective, if we would judge Harry similar to how we judge James.”

Micah: talking about the scene in Half-Blood Prince, I’m assuming, right?

Laura: Oh, Sectumsempra?

Andrew: Yeah. I mean, this TV show has many opportunities to address lots of real world issues, and I hope that the show does dig in a little bit to bits of racism we saw in the series, or just trying to create storylines that reflect what’s going on in the world today or back in the ’90s.

Eric: Yeah, agreed.

Laura: Sure. All right, our next email comes from Lorelai, who writes in on Voldemort gaining access to the Ministry. Lorelai says,

“Hello, Harry Potter friends! I have been rereading the books with y’all since last year, and I recently had a thought about Order of the Phoenix. A large part of the plot is that Voldemort needs Harry to go get the Prophecy, but HELLO! They are magical. Why can’t Voldemort shrink down with Reducto, and go in someone’s pocket? As far as I remember, the only ‘security’ in the Ministry is when Harry had to check in his wand, but he could shrink his wand down with him. All this would not be a problem if the Ministry was not such a SECURITY NIGHTMARE! Thanks for listening; I would love to hear y’all’s thoughts.”

Andrew: Lorelai, do you want this to get all Honey, I Shrunk the Kids up in the series?

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: It’s a fun thought, but they have to draw some boundaries, otherwise it gets too easy, I think, with tricks like this, as good of a trick as it may have been. That would have been fun, seeing them shrink in the Harry Potter series, actually. [laughs] And then they get stepped on by Filch or Hagrid.

Laura: Oh, God.

Eric: I think it certainly might be a magic that nobody thought to protect against, so for that… nobody thinks about that. I mean, besides the Honey, I Shrunk the ____ movie series, and Ant-Man now, I rarely at all think about miniaturization as a tactic. [laughs]

Micah: And I think we’ll wrap up today with a Chicken Soup from Jessica, who says,

“Hi everyone! I am back after a 15 year hiatus! Let me explain.”

[Andrew gasps]

“I am on maternity leave and have been listening to the Harry Potter audiobooks again to keep me company. After each reread (or re-listen), I always feel a bit empty and sad when the journey is over. After finishing the series this time, I suddenly remembered MuggleCast! I was telling my husband about you and thought I’d do a Google search for nostalgia’s sake. I was thrilled when I saw you’re still podcasting! I discovered you in 2009, as a 17-year-old with an iPod Classic and no one to discuss Harry Potter with. I remember downloading new episodes from iTunes on my computer and click/dragging them onto my iPod. You brought so much comfort back then, and you’re doing it again now! I’ve jumped back to the beginning of your current reread series and have loved it! It feels like reuniting with old friends. Also, I naturally creeped your social media and loved catching up on where you’re at in life 15 years later! Finally, for fun I dug out my iPod Classic and I still have a few of your old episodes on there. Looks like I had finished up to Episode 198, with the old cover photo and all. 🙂 Thanks again for always being there. I love being back! Jessica.”

Andrew: Aww. Thank you so much, Jessica, and welcome back. It’s hard to see in my camera shot, but I do keep my iPod Classic behind me to remind us where we started. This thing will power on if it is plugged in, but if you unplug it after it charges, it’ll last five seconds and then die. But that’s okay; I’m glad that I still have my iPod Classic. These things rocked when we were young, right?

Eric: I have mine too; it’s a fifth generation, and it’s embroidered or embossed on the back and says, “Eric the Caption Man.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, that’s very sweet, Jessica. Brings back good memories.

Laura: It really does.

Andrew: Thank you so much. And I’m thinking there’s going to be that new audiobook series of Harry Potter with all the different actors, right? Coming out… last we heard, I thought it was later this year. We’ll see. Maybe it’s going to be next year, at this point.

Eric: Maybe they’ll push it back a year to the TV show’s original release date.

Andrew: [laughs] Maybe. That would be a nice deal for us fans, but maybe that will have more people coming back to us or discovering us, because they’ll want chapter analysis after listening to what we can only hope are excellent performances of these chapters. We will see. Well, thanks, everybody, for submitting feedback. We love receiving your feedback; we love reading it all. We try to include as much as possible on the show. Even if we didn’t include it today, we are reading and listening to all your feedback, so thank you so much. Please do keep it coming. If you have any feedback about today’s discussion or any episode, don’t forget you can visit MuggleCast.com to submit some feedback. You can use our contact form there, or you can send an email to MuggleCast@gmail.com; that’s also the email address where you can send us a voice memo, like several people did at the top of today’s episode. And next week on MuggleCast, for real this time, Order of the Phoenix Chapter 33, “Fight and Flight.” No Quizzitch this week because it is a Muggle Mail episode. If you’re looking for more podcasting from the four of us, listen to our other shows, What the Hype?! and Millennial, and here in MuggleCast world, like I said earlier in the episode, we’ll have a new bonus MuggleCast out later this week, in which we reminisce over July 2007, which was the craziest month in Harry Potter fandom history. That was when Order of the Phoenix the movie and Deathly Hallows the book came out within ten days of one another. Don’t forget to visit MuggleCast.com for all the information that you need about the show, and that does it for this week’s episode. Thanks, everyone, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everyone!

Laura and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #712

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #712, No Honor Among Snakes (OOTP Chapter 32, ‘Out of the Fire’)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Andrew: We are your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books, the movies, and the upcoming TV show, so make sure you press that follow button in your favorite podcast app, and that way you’ll never miss a week with your Potter people. And this week, we really want to ask Kreacher what happened to his hands, because we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 32, “Out of the Fire.” And joining us for this week’s episode is friend of the show and fellow podcaster, Pam! Welcome back, Pam!

Pam Gocobachi: Hey, everyone. It’s nice to be back.

Andrew: It’s always nice having you on. Thank you for filling in here.

Pam: It’s nice to be here. I’m always down to try and fill the very big shoes that Laura leaves behind whenever she’s off. [laughs]

Andrew: The Laura seat. Well, we appreciate that you’re willing to step in when Laura can’t make it.

Pam: It’s a big responsibility, man. [laughs]

Eric: You have to be all voice-y and reason-y. It’s garbage, utter garbage.

Pam: Yeah, I’ve got to keep you boys in check.

Andrew: [laughs] Mainly Micah; he’s the troublemaker. But this week, Micah is going to stay in check because he’s coming to visit me tomorrow, so he knows that he’s going to be in trouble with me.

Eric: Ahh.

Pam: So he knows you’re going to put him on a timeout if he doesn’t behave.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. If he wants a free ride from dinner back to his hotel tomorrow night, he has to be good.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Micah: Oh. I was going to say, embarrass me in front of my colleagues or something along those lines.

Andrew: Oh, I can do that too. It’s Vegas. I can make a fool of myself on the Strip, sure. That sounds pretty easy to do.

[Pam laughs]

Micah: Don’t you want access to the pool or something like that?

Andrew: I do, yeah.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: So we both have an interest in being good to each other today. [laughs]

Pam: That’s so funny.

Eric: Devious. Very devious.

Andrew: Pam is also a cohost of Millennial and What the Hype?!, which we plug at the end of every MuggleCast episode, so make sure to check those out. I thought also we would be remiss if we didn’t mention that we are recording on July 10, and the Order of the Phoenix movie was released 18 years ago this week! July 11, 2007.

Pam: Wow.

Andrew: 18 years!

Eric: It came up recently that I do not remember exactly the circumstances which had me seeing this movie. I don’t remember what country I was in at the time…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … because July of 2007 was real messed up; I was everywhere. And I don’t have a memory… I don’t know exactly where… I’m going to have to dig through some old stuff.

Pam: That’s insane.

Andrew: Did you put it in a Pensieve? Maybe that’s why you can’t recall.

Eric: That explains it. That explains it.

Pam: Could you ask some friends? Somebody must have seen it with you.

Eric: If you’ve seen Order of the Phoenix with me, in theaters, please…

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Andrew: Oh my God.

Eric: … listeners of the show, write in. Let me know. It’s funny, because we talk about it… this was the summer of Potter, right? We had Book 7 come out just two weeks after Movie 5.

Andrew: The month of Potter, yeah.

Eric: And Episode 100, at the Waterstones live London show for the seventh book, we talk largely about the fifth movie, because we’d all just seen it. And I’ve seen it at that time, but I don’t remember where. I don’t remember how. Unbelievable.

Micah: And I actually think it was a running joke when we did the live show in Philadelphia that I had not seen Order of the Phoenix yet.

Andrew: I do remember that.

Micah: I think I was the only one that was on the panel.

Eric: The last person on the whole site.

Andrew: Aww.

Micah: I think so. I still haven’t seen it, actually.

Eric: We had that campaign. We had that campaign to get Micah to see the movie.

Andrew: And now there’s a new campaign: Who saw Order of the Phoenix with Eric?

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Please let me know.

Pam: We have to find out, yeah. [laughs]

Eric: I know I have photos of me… usually I take a photo outside the theater next to the poster.

Pam: Oh, cute.

Eric: I’ve got to figure it out, you guys. This is eating me…

Micah: Were you on that panel in Philadelphia?

Eric: No, I was in New Zealand at the time.

Andrew: I’m glad you bring that up, Eric, because next week we’re going to record a bonus MuggleCast in which we relive those glorious two weeks in Harry Potter history where the fifth movie and the seventh book came out within… I think you said a couple weeks; I think it was within 10 days of each other, which is just nuts. So we’ll talk about that. We’ve got some stories to share from those crazy couple of weeks.

Eric: And hopefully I have a story to share by the time we record that bonus. [laughs]

Pam: Yeah, hopefully by that point, someone’s written in and said, “Actually, Eric, we saw it together.

Eric: I’m a detective. I have to figure this out.

[Pam laughs]

Andrew: Yeah. Well, jumping back to present day, we’ll discuss Order of the Phoenix in a moment, but first, we just want to remind our listeners of a couple of things. If you love this show and want to help us keep it running as reliably as a pair of Stealth Sensoring Spells outside of Umbridge’s office, we invite you to become a member of our community at Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and by supporting us for as little as $5 a month, you can get instant access to two bonus MuggleCast episodes every month, plus ad-free episodes, access to our recording studio, a personal video “Thank you” message from one of the MuggleCasters, and a lot more. And if you’re looking for other ways to support us, visit MuggleCastMerch.com to buy official gear. You can also leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, and tell a friend about the show. And speaking of gear, we received this nice message from Kirstyn, who, when she recently placed an order, told us, “Hey, my son is 20 years old, and I’ve been listening since the days I was pacing back and forth with him as a newborn. Thank y’all.” Well, thank you, Kirstyn.

Eric: Oh, love that.

Andrew: That’s really sweet. And we turn 20 next month, so we’ve been around for as long as that kid, and hopefully he turned out better than we did.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: How do you measure a thing like that?

Andrew: [laughs] I don’t know. Bring him on the show; we’ll figure it out. You can visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all of these places that I’ve been mentioning. You can also find our contact form there.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: Okay, now it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 32, “Out of the Fire.”

Eric: We last discussed this chapter on Episode 470 of MuggleCast. It was titled “Silky Smooth Snape,” which is one of my favorite titles. It’s a milestone moment. You guys ready?

Andrew: Oh.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 470.

Micah: Calling Ron a buffoon; that puts us at 99 times that Umbridge sucked in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

Andrew: Is there one more?

Micah: I think it’s possible.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: I think there might be at least one more in this chapter. And how appropriate, given the conversation we’ve been having about her bias: She calls Hagrid a half-breed.

Eric: Augh!

[“Hem-hem!” Umbridge Suck count sound effect plays]

Andrew: That’s 100!

Micah: That is 100 times that Umbridge has sucked in this book.

Andrew: Oh my gosh!

Laura: We did it.

[“The Bitch Is Back” by Elton John plays]

Andrew: Well, congratulations, Umbridge. You suck a lot.

Micah: Yeah, you do.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Laura: We still have a couple more chapters.

Andrew: And more to go in this chapter.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Andrew: I can’t believe we counted 99 times, and then we played “The Bitch Is Back.” [laughs] I totally forgot all of that.

Eric: It was a milestone. Yeah, so this is a reminder: Every week in the show notes, we do put a link to the previous Chapter by Chapter that we did only five years ago for this book, and we had some segments there – oh, boy, did we – including the Umbridge Suck Count, that are worth revisiting if you do want to listen. It’s basically like getting a whole extra discussion about this chapter by listening to those old episodes. But they are fun to go through and pull these clips from.

Andrew: Love it.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Eric: So all right, let’s get into this chapter once more, and we’re going to be talking about the whole jig, the whole situation that’s happening here, which is that Harry is rushing frantically after his vision during his History of Magic OWL where he envisioned that Voldemort had and was torturing Sirius and was going to kill him, his rush to get to London, and the kind of holdup in having to convince Ron and Hermione that what he saw was real. And there are signs that what he saw was not real; we’re going to talk about those for this first part of this chapter discussion. And Hermione in this chapter kind of rubs Harry the wrong way at times, but looking at the chapter from a slightly removed point of view, she has some good points here, namely, her first point here we’re going to discuss is how Voldemort and Sirius Black, the two most wanted men in the wizarding world, would have gotten into the Ministry. It’s a work day. People are still there. These are people that, if they just waltz in the front door, Eric Munch is going to spot you and be like, “Hey, you! Stop!”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: The wand security guy, he’s going to see it. Everybody else is going to look in the atrium; “What’s that?”

Andrew: I may be playing devil’s advocate through a lot of this discussion, because I wouldn’t be surprised to know that Voldemort did somehow get in, maybe by himself, maybe through some of his associates. I don’t think it would be that surprising in hindsight to learn that he did somehow sneak in. He could have maybe transformed into someone else; he was working with people on the inside to help him get in. So I’m very split on who’s right between Harry and Hermione, but with a question like this, at least, I do feel like Harry has legit reason to assume that Voldemort really did break into the Ministry.

Pam: I’m kind of with you there. I think that the one thing, the one big thing Hermione is really forgetting is that at this point in the story, nobody believes Voldemort is back. That’s been the message that the Ministry has been pedaling. And so if they don’t believe that he’s really back, why would they be expecting him to pop up? And in that regard, I would assume that security was much more lax before the point in which they had to concede that he was back for real.

Eric: Oh.

Pam: So it’s probably… I mean, and not to jump super far ahead, but Harry, Ron, and Hermione don’t have a problem sneaking into the Ministry later on.

[Eric and Pam laugh]

Pam: You know what I mean?

Eric: Well, yeah, we don’t really get a fair assessment of any wizarding building security until Harry, Ron, and Hermione have to break into it, and every single time, it’s really easy. Even in Cursed Child.

Pam: Right, so what we’ve learned is that the entire wizarding world is a security nightmare, not just Hogwarts. Some flaws in their plans.

Eric: Yeah, it’s bad. I really like your point about they’re not on the lookout for Voldemort, because they’ve actively been hobbled by the government stance on him.

Micah: Right, and that’s where I would say it’s not two of the most wanted; it’s just one of the most wanted in Sirius because, as Pam said, Voldemort really isn’t on the Ministry’s radar at this point. But still, the fact that Sirius could get in undetected… and I would even say, presumably, Voldemort didn’t lure Sirius there. How’d he get him in? And here’s another piece that the trio don’t consider: Sirius would never be on guard duty. So there’s a lot that they’re not thinking through here. And I do think, though, that Hermione makes really great points; she’s spot on. But the one sticking point is that Harry experienced something very similar to this with Arthur just a few months prior, and if Harry hadn’t experienced it, Arthur would likely have died.

Eric: Right.

Micah: And the author actually considered killing Arthur in Order of the Phoenix and opted instead for Sirius, so this is something that is fresh inside of Harry’s mind.

Eric: Well, it’s a good point about guard duty, too, because Arthur was… basically Voldemort has been dreaming about this door all year, because Harry has been dreaming about it, and so it makes sense, after a year of thinking about it, he would have found a way to get in, right? And get to the weapon that everyone’s talking about, and find a way to get Sirius there too. It seems reasonable, even though to Hermione, it’s a work day. How would he do this?

Andrew: Yeah. Well, and to the point about the very real attack that happened on Arthur, Harry is keeping that in mind, and that vision was real; it wasn’t just a dream, it was a vision. But since then, he has also lost Dumbledore, Hagrid, and now McGonagall. Now all three of them are out of Hogwarts. These three parental figures are out of Hogwarts, and now he’s potentially about to lose Sirius too? Forget it! There’s no time to dilly-dally! We’ve got to go to the Ministry and not lose Sirius next!

Eric: Here’s a question, then – and Hermione also raises this one; bless her – why Sirius specifically? It’s kind of random, isn’t it? He’s a member of the Order, but he’s not been routinely here. There’s not really a chance for Voldemort to have, I don’t know, stumbled on Sirius accidentally. It’s kind of unlikely that, if this was the day that Sirius was like, “I’m going to take a walk; I can’t handle being at home with Kreacher,” that Sirius would have run into Voldemort. So why does it just happen to be that surrogate father figure that Harry would most want to save, and most break all of the rules and put himself and his friends all at risk to rescue? Why is it Sirius specifically? I guess Hermione’s point is it’s too good to be true: “You should consider that this is fake on the merit of it’s really unlikely.”

Andrew: It’s too big of a lure. It’s too obvious of a choice, yeah. I think it goes back to the point I was just making: Voldemort, by picking Sirius, is going straight at Harry’s heart to the point where he doesn’t even want to really take time to think about if this is a real vision or not. He’s lost quite a few people in this book already – at least, they’re no longer at Hogwarts – so he doesn’t want something similar to what happened to Arthur happen to Sirius. I’m really on Harry’s side through all of this. He might not be thinking clearly, but I understand why. I don’t blame him for it.

Pam: I would also argue, too, that they all know that Sirius is getting restless and stir-crazy, and even Hermione knows that he’s really reckless. They cover a lot of that in the context of the book, up until this point, even. So I just don’t think that… yes, would it be weird for him to be out on a walk? Probably. But also, it’s not anything that you can’t imagine Sirius doing, sneaking out just to get a bit of fresh air.

Eric: Fair.

Pam: So I don’t even think they question that.

Eric: Yeah, it works on multiple levels, I think, because of – like you’re saying, Pam – the buildup of Sirius’s sort of suffering. I think that also propels Harry to want to save him, because it wouldn’t be right for Sirius to go out this way after spending a year all cooped up, and all of a sudden, his first day out, he’s being tortured and killed by Voldemort.

Micah: And Harry is just overwhelmed at this moment. He’s borderline irrational in his thinking, and you can just feel the emotion that’s building in him throughout the course of the chapter when Ron and Hermione are not telling him what he wants to hear, which is, “Hey, let’s get out of here and go to the Ministry.” But there are other options; Harry just doesn’t consider them in the moment. The biggest one, which Harry finally clicks in his head a little bit later on in this chapter, is Snape.

Eric: Right.

Micah: Regardless of the fallout between the two of them, he’s still a member of the Order of the Phoenix that is at Hogwarts. But there are other members of the Order. He could go to Molly, Arthur, Lupin… but in the moment, of course, you’re not thinking rationally, right? So I can see where he’s coming from, too.

Pam: Yeah, he just wants it done so fast. That’s the big thing, right? He doesn’t trust any adult to be like, “Yeah, let’s go right now.” They’re all going to pull a Hermione and be like, “Well, let’s think about this logically. Let’s make sure he’s not anywhere else before we go traipsing down to the Department of Mysteries.”

Eric: Well, I’m so glad Hermione does this too. I am, because I don’t think it’s the equivalent of just having us be disappointed later; I think that this due diligence is necessary. I think that can be a lesson that we all can learn, because even though it doesn’t necessarily change the outcome, we do ultimately make sure that all the people we’re lugging along to this are all equally interested, I guess, because they all… their buy-in comes as they see that we did take these extra steps. It would be wrong for Harry – and I know he’d probably go on his own – but it would be wrong for these people to get all caught up if they didn’t do that due diligence and then go and risk their lives in the Department of Mysteries, so at least they tried an alternative, a single alternative, before doing it.

Micah: Again, part of the reason why Harry does want to act so quickly is because of his prior experience. Think about how quickly McGonagall reacted, and then Dumbledore reacted, and they were able to get to the Ministry in time to save Arthur. He’s probably thinking, “If we don’t act literally within these next couple of minutes, Sirius is as good as dead.”

Eric: Well, I mean, Voldemort actually, in his vision, said, “We have hours! Don’t worry about it!”

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Micah: That should’ve been the tipoff.

Eric: “I’ll take all night to kill you!”

Andrew: [imitating Voldemort] “No rush, Harry boy! Take your time!”

[Pam laughs]

Eric: Here’s the interesting thing, and I love this detail: There’s a point in this chapter where it says that Harry’s scar was hurting or throbbing, but Harry notes – and this is sort of an unconscious thought – that his scar is not hurting as much as when Voldemort was torturing Avery, which happened earlier in the book. Avery, of course, gave bad intel as to a way to get the prophecy. And Harry is noting of this just, “Ah, damn, my scar, at least it’s not as bad as that other time.” The other time was real, and this vision of Sirius being tortured is not. If Voldemort were actually torturing Sirius, it would probably feel exactly the same to Harry as it did when Voldemort was torturing Avery. It’s cool that Harry’s scar is that super sensitive, and if Harry had somehow been more attuned to his scar and what it means and how often he feels, or if he didn’t have a million other things going on right now, he could probably suss out based on this fact alone that this was a fake planted vision, even if he hadn’t taken a day of Occlumency lessons. I think Harry really could have maybe guessed, because when Voldemort is casting an Unforgivable Curse and is mirthful and is causing so much pain, Harry feels pain too because of the connection between them. And this is more of an echo of pain. This is fake.

Andrew: Fake pain. You’ve got me on this one; I agree with this. It’s almost like an extension of Occlumency and the lessons he could have been taking. Dumbledore, Snape, could have been teaching him on how to read the pain and decipher pain coming from Voldemort because of a real vision or feeling from Voldemort, or pain that’s coming, or mild headache that’s coming from Voldemort because of he’s making up a vision for Harry to see.

Eric: Right. And there have been years where Harry’s scar has hurt all year, like all last year, I think, it was throbbing, or all this year. You’ve still got school work to do; you’ve got to kind of push it away. But had Harry had a mentor to say, “Actually, pay attention to this, because it’s telling you something. Yeah, it’s annoying and it hurts, and you want to pretend it’s not there, but you could learn something from this.” And I just think it’s a cool bit of the writing that shows that there is actually a method, because this was a forced vision, that Harry’s scar hurt when it was happening, but is not continuing to throb the way that it would if Voldemort were actually torturing Avery. And we’re getting up to Umbridge’s office now; we finally break in with our team, aided by Ginny and Luna – hey, girls – and we finally get to Grimmauld Place via the Floo Network, and we see Kreacher. The one thing that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive Harry for is pursuing this line of questioning with Kreacher, because when he finds Kreacher, Kreacher has these pleased looks on his face and triumphant glances that he’s making and his hands have recently sustained injury and are bandaged. We know house-elf language. We know how house-elves work. If anybody knows how house-elves work, if any wizard knows, it’s Harry, because the bandaged hands come from self-inflicted injuries when you’ve betrayed your master. We’ve seen Dobby do this for two, three separate books now, and it’s a problem Harry doesn’t connect the dots here.

Micah: Yeah, and Harry, I think, also forgets that Kreacher has zero loyalty to him. Kreacher can say whatever Kreacher wants in this moment, and truthfully, the only person he needs to have loyalty to – even though we know that he hasn’t been loyal to Sirius for a while now – is Sirius, right?

Eric: Right.

Micah: And so the fact that Harry is so willing to believe what Kreacher has to say surprises me a bit, and it’s almost like Harry dangled the carrot out in front of him by using the words “Department of Mysteries.”

Andrew: [laughs] “Is he at the Department of Mysteries?”

Micah: Right, otherwise Kreacher would have just left, and then Harry wouldn’t have had that piece of information. So I’m disappointed in Harry in this moment. He’s definitely letting his emotions get the best of him.

Andrew: But I guess… again, to play devil’s advocate here, I think Harry… evidently, it’s the only person at Grimmauld Place. Nobody else is coming towards the fireplace; that’s all he’s got. He really has no choice but to believe Kreacher, so I don’t blame him.

Eric: Harry didn’t even want to do this. Yeah, no, Harry didn’t even want to be here. [laughs] And so he’s doing the thing, he makes contact with somebody, somebody says, “No, Sirius is…” Because we know Sirius is actually just upstairs. I think it transpires that moments later, Sirius goes, “Did I hear something go down?”

Andrew: Yeah. I mean, I guess if you want to criticize Harry here for something, it’s just, like, scream a couple times to see if Sirius actually does hear you from further upstairs.

Eric: Right.

Andrew: But time is of the essence here, too, so Harry doesn’t really have time to decide whether or not Kreacher is lying.

Eric: Well, this is the problem. And again, it’s clever writing, because they know that Umbridge is suspicious. She’s likely to not spend as much time away from her office as she did the last time. Time is of the essence. Harry doesn’t even want to do this; he’s only doing this to please Hermione, and so when he gets the “confirmation” from Kreacher that Sirius isn’t there, he’s heard everything he needs to hear. But the signs are there, unfortunately. The signs are there that… I mean, Harry has no reason to trust Kreacher to begin with – it’s a great point, Micah – but when you look at the bandaged hands, too, something is definitely off. Something is just very definitely off.

Micah: And his just overall demeanor. Kreacher is never happy.

[Eric laughs]

Pam: Well, I think that’s why he believes him, because he is happy.

Andrew: Because Sirius might actually be in danger?

Pam: Right, exactly. He knows there’s no love lost there; he’s really upset that he has to answer to Sirius all the time. So I’m honestly surprised Harry doesn’t just chuck himself into the fire, because he would already have been in London at that point.

Eric: It gets him to London faster!

Pam: Right, exactly. He leads so much with his heart versus his head that, yeah, it’s actually very surprising to me, reading back, that he wouldn’t have just jumped in.

Eric: They all could have followed.

Pam: Yeah, unless… does Floo Powder…? Does it have memory? Could Umbridge have traced it back to Grimmauld Place?

Eric: Oh, maybe. And then it would be revealed to her through the Fidelius Charm.

Pam: Right.

Andrew: But if that’s the case, then she’d be able to…

Pam: She would know anyway.

Andrew: Right, because his head was there.

Pam: Yeah, that’s true, so maybe it doesn’t.

Micah: And if I’m not mistaken, isn’t Sirius tending to Buckbeak?

Pam: I think you’re right.

Andrew: Yes.

Eric: Yeah, he’s just upstairs.

Micah: Kreacher attacked Buckbeak, I want to say? This was all part of his plan, wasn’t it?

Eric: I don’t remember. He’s definitely in cahoots with Bellatrix.

Andrew: Yeah, and Narcissa.

Eric: And there’s an instance of double talk, too, because Kreacher mentions his mistress, and you think he’s talking about Walburga Black, but actually he’s talking about Bellatrix.

Andrew: One theory I saw online, Micah, was that Kreacher’s hands are bruised because he was dealing with Buckbeak, but then that doesn’t really make sense. His hands are bruised because he was lying, right? Or gearing himself up to lie?

Eric: Yeah, well, I think it’s… all the time that he spent with Bellatrix planning or plotting or working out what they’re going to do to entrap Harry, because I think it’s later confirmed that Bellatrix or somebody tells Kreacher, “You may see the Potter boy, and he may ask where Sirius is. Lie to him.” Something like that.

Micah: Yeah, Hedwig’s Theme in the Discord is saying Kreacher did injure Buckbeak. So that could be where he got the injuries to his hands, in part, because Buckbeak isn’t just going to lie down for Kreacher.

Andrew: Right, right. Did Kreacher bow? I doubt it.

Eric: The sad thing is, honestly, these… [laughs] I was going to say these men. Kreacher and Sirius have been locked up all year. They share this connection through Regulus that they will never learn about while each other are still alive. They could really repair their relationship; Sirius could gain an appreciation for his brother if Kreacher were to ever tell him what happened to Regulus. And I don’t know, I see this great emotional catharsis that could have happened had they just talked to each other, because the Kreacher reveal that Harry finds out about, and the reason that Kreacher comes around on the trio, is because of this love that he has for Master Regulus. And that’s something that Sirius, really, and Kreacher could have buried the hatchet on, had they had a little bit more willingness, I think, to communicate about why they don’t like each other. And there is a moment in this chapter where Hermione errs and stumbles a little bit. One of her… in her attempt to disprove why Harry should not be going to London right now, she suggests that Harry has a “saving-people thing.” This goes poorly, pisses Harry off, and kind of pisses me off as a reader. But what does she hope to accomplish by pointing this out, I wonder?

Andrew: Yeah, because it can’t be, “Oh, you know what, Hermione? You’re right. Let me change who I instinctively am and let my godfather die.”

Eric: “My bad.”

Andrew: “Great idea.” Having a saving-people thing isn’t inherently a bad thing, and it gives Harry a purpose. So I don’t get why Hermione is saying this, other than to slow him down and try to make him think a little more clearly. Ultimately, Hermione is right, so we have to voice that, but you also understand why Harry does have this saving-people thing. He lost his parents right in front of him. Sure, he was a baby, but he lost his parents. I do wonder if he’s trying to return the courage that his parents held for him when they saved him.

Pam: It also just feels like she says this in a way to explain… it feels displaced almost, just because I think that the implication is that Harry likes being the hero.

Eric: Right.

Pam: And I don’t think Harry likes being the hero. I think he just feels like, “Somebody’s got to do it, so might as well be me.” And she plays into this, too, when it’s helpful to her. I mean, it’s not really the same thing, but when they start the DA, she’s like, “Harry, it has to be you. You have to be the leader.”

Eric: Ohh.

Pam: So it’s like, leader and hero are kind of synonymous in my head. But yeah, I think that the implication is displaced here, because I think that she kind of means it as like, he enjoys the attention, and then when he connects it to what Ron said after the lake task in Goblet of Fire, it kind of riles him up even more, because Ron was also hinting that he just likes being the hero for the sake of being the hero.

Eric: Augh, you’re right. That just incenses him. And the lake thing is below the belt.

Pam: It is.

Eric: We just went through Goblet of Fire, and there is no indication at all… we even polled people, and they disagree with me, but…

Pam: Yeah, I just think he’s doing the right thing.

Eric: It seems like everyone was going to let those kids drown. It really did seem that way.

Pam: They put it into the riddle! They’re like, “What was lost won’t come back if you run out of time…”

[Andrew laughs]

Pam: … so he genuinely believed adults.

Eric: Yeah, the fact Hermione is like, “You shouldn’t want to save somebody” goes against everything that even she would want, I think, to communicate, really. Here’s the other thing, and this is where I’m going to blame Dumbledore a little bit. But there are so many instances in which Harry has been forced, has been set up to be the only person who can save these folks. Thinking about Ginny in the Chamber, that whole entire year that the Chamber of Secrets is open, the school was going to close, Muggle-born kids were going to die… Dumbledore put them all with the least competent DADA teacher we’ve ever seen or heard from. This would have been a year to get a competent teacher in, or backup, who could have found the Chamber, closed it, prevented Ginny from ever getting trapped down there, destroyed or captured the diary Horcrux – three years ago now, at this point in the book – and because they didn’t do that, it had to be Harry going and rescuing her at the last minute. So I don’t see this as a fault of Harry’s at all, that he is the kid who steps up. More often than not, he will lose something dear to him if he doesn’t, and so I think this serves only to embolden him to actually go through with the rescue.

Andrew: Yeah. Maybe Hermione just doesn’t want to go to the Ministry of Magic and go into the Department of Mysteries.

Eric: She has a real problem with her future workforce. She’s not interested.

Andrew: [laughs] Right. “Being friends with Harry sucks. I have to keep helping him save people? This is a lot of effort. I just want to study and wrap up the school year and start thinking about year six.”

Eric: It is helpful that all their exams are done, though, because it’s like, what are you going to do now? You’re just waiting around.

Pam: That’s probably why she’s like, “Yeah, I’ll go with you if it checks out.”

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Pam: She doesn’t have to worry about missing any OWLs.

Eric: Yeah, you’re just waiting a week or two for the Hogwarts Express. Nothing’s happening after this. This is the Senior Week, crazy parties and stuff.

Pam: No, Hermione is very loyal. I know we’re kind of joking around here, but I do think that it’s a show of loyalty that even though she wants to make sure somebody’s doing their due diligence, she has no problem with tagging along if it all checks out.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Andrew: Well, and Harry did compromise with her by checking in on Grimmauld Place, so there’s that.

Eric and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: I do like the fact, though, that all of these examples are mentioned, because it made me think specifically of Prisoner of Azkaban. And I know we try and connect the threads from time to time between Books 3 and Book 5, and Harry does run off to save Sirius in Prisoner of Azkaban as well. He uses the Time-Turner to go back and save him from the Dementors and then free him from the tower, so getting a little bit of a repeat here between Harry needing to save Sirius.

Eric: Love that. So let’s talk about Umbridge now.

Andrew: You mean, “Hem-hem”?

Eric: [laughs] And we were talking about Hermione in a “Why did she do this?” sort of way, but in the back half, Hermione is solid, impressive, completely flawless in, I think, her execution in hoodwinking Umbridge into basically freeing her and Harry to go into the forest. And I mean, she plays her like a fiddle. And I’m interested in catching up on Umbridge, because this is one of the last chapters we’ll have her.

Andrew: Nooo!

Eric: She has sucked 100 times in this book. Yeah, we’re not going to miss her, but it’s one of the final chapters, so let’s talk.

Micah: She’ll be back.

Eric: Yeah, she’ll be back, even worse.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But let’s talk about her dynamic with some of these other characters. So the big thing that sticks out to me in this chapter is Draco Malfoy. He’s this kiss-ass sycophant who still only has eyes for Umbridge here, but he’s an important part of her enforcement team. I think she feeds off of his loyalty and his overstated, overdramatic allegiance to her. And yeah, I think that Draco really is perfect for Umbridge as to be her student deputy.

Andrew: Yeah, and she’s everything he currently wants to be when he grows up, I think.

Eric: Powerful! Yeah. And mean.

Andrew: Powerful, bossy, breaking the rules to get ahead, willing to torture a child… that’s the stuff Draco currently looks up to. He matured; I don’t think he would want to be this in his adult years. But right now, he really admires Umbridge.

Eric: And that’s an interesting thing that you said, Andrew, too, because we’re getting into Book 6 next, and Book 6 is when he really gets in over his head, starts to regret, etc. This chapter is a really great checkin to show that Draco is, however, currently still super power-hungry. He hasn’t yet been burned by power or seeking it. He’s still a jerk. He’s just still completely a jerk.

Micah: Part of it, too, is who is feeling the wrath of Umbridge here. I think that Draco has gone through most of the first few books feeling like Harry is the superstar of Hogwarts, and that in seeing him knocked down a few pegs here by Umbridge, along with the rest that were caught, right? He has no love lost for Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville… Luna, I’m not really sure, but I presume he doesn’t like her either.

Eric: I don’t think he has an opinion on Luna. [laughs] I don’t think he knows what to make of her.

Micah: Yeah. But there is something to be said for that, right? You’re mentioning how he’s just kind of nonchalantly in the corner, hanging out, taking it all in, enjoying every minute of what’s happening. And I think a lot of that has to do with the fact of just how Harry has been treated in front of him over the course of the last several years at Hogwarts. It’s like, Gryffindor always triumphs. And if I were him, I’d probably be sick of that too, a little bit.

Eric: Well, but he does hard work! Nobody works harder than Harry – actually, no, that’s not true.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I feel like, though, Harry has rightly been given the credit that he’s been given. Not in Draco’s eyes, surely.

Micah: He came in on a pedestal, even if he didn’t put himself on that pedestal.

Eric: “Famous Harry Potter.”

[Andrew laughs]

Pam: It’s kind of rich of him to be upset about that, because Draco Malfoy is the ultimate nepo baby, right?

[Eric and Pam laugh]

Pam: And I think that he wants to be on the pedestal, and it kills him that he’s not there, but he would have no problem being in Harry’s position. And the proof of that is in this book when he signs on to be part of this Inquisitorial Squad, and suddenly he does have all this power that he thinks Harry has always had, to your point, Eric.

Eric: Yeah. It just shows that getting all that power that he’s got doesn’t make him happier.

Pam: No, of course not.

Eric: Because he’s still, ultimately, a miserable kid, which is interesting. But the other aspect of Draco and Umbridge, and this comes in with their relationship in this chapter, is that Draco is not quite quick enough on the uptake to disguise this look of, I guess, greed when the weapon gets mentioned, when Hermione mentions the weapon. And Umbridge is like, “Take me to it,” and Hermione is like, “You’ve got to shed some of these kids,” and she’s like, “Hell no, they’re my deputies,” and then Hermione says, “Well, it’s this huge weapon, and I hope that everyone uses it on you.” And Umbridge looks over, and Draco is looking greedily about it, and Umbridge thinks twice, and is like, “You know what? Okay, maybe I don’t trust my own Inquisitorial Squad enough to be around a weapon that is volatile and uncertain.” And this is – this alone – Hermione’s master stroke here, but Draco’s own obvious power-hungryness works against him and works against Umbridge, because she ultimately does decide to go it alone. And this shows how, despite having perfect power now – Umbridge is the strongest, most powerful person, bureaucratically – she doesn’t trust her supporters, her nearest supporters at all, because what they have isn’t real. What they have is a shared desire for cruelty. They don’t really have the bond that’s going to… Draco, if given a chance to get a weapon, would he give it to Umbridge without using it himself, if there was such one? Maybe not. She can’t take that chance.

Pam: Yeah. I think this is where stereotypical House traits really come into play, because it’s helpful to her that she has all the Slytherins behind her, because she can create this little troop of cronies to do her bidding, because she can’t be everywhere, right? But then she also knows exactly how Slytherins work, because that was her House at Hogwarts, too. So she kind of knows that it’s at their core. Stereotypically, they’re out for number one, just like she would be.

Eric: There’s no honor among snakes.

[Andrew laughs]

Pam: There you go.

Eric: Let’s talk now about Umbridge’s relationship to Snape, because here’s another Slytherin. This is a Slytherin that does a solid in this chapter by completely, and again, masterfully… silky smooth Snape, we should call him, comes in, and Umbridge is so helpless. She is reliant on him. She knows that Snape, too, is cruel. Snape has no love for these children, especially for Harry Potter. And she needs Snape to get more truth serum, because she needs more information from them. And it’s fun to see that not only does Snape not help Umbridge, but he, I want to say, berates her, but he makes her feel foolish for her actions in the past. She used the whole vial of what he gave her.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Even though we do know that what he gave her wasn’t real truth potion, he’s like, “You don’t have the stuff? I gave you this whole stuff.” And, “Oh yes, I’ll get this for you. It’s going to take a month.”

Andrew: Yeah. And that part must be true, right?

Eric: Oh, yeah. I’m sure.

Andrew: That it would take a month. So it does surprise me that Umbridge is getting so mad at him, because what he is saying to her is very valid. “It would take too long to generate new stuff, and you used up all of my old stuff.” And I think she’s just mad at herself about thinking a little more ahead, about having more Veritaserum on hand that she could have acquired outside of Snape. You would think she’d have her own Veritaserum suppliers outside of Hogwarts, and I think she’s just mad that she didn’t think about this. But I also wonder what else…

Pam: She also could have told him to keep brewing it.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. “Keep those coming. Hem-hem!”

Pam: She could’ve said, “Brew more.” [laughs]

Andrew: “More, more!”

Eric: Yeah. The thing is, if only three drops will have you pouring your heart out, and he gives her a whole vial…

Andrew: Right. So I guess that’s…

Eric: She absolutely shouldn’t have used the whole thing, but she was short-sighted and desperate.

Andrew: And maybe that’s one part that rubbed Umbridge the wrong way. But what else could he have said here that would have satisfied her? Other than, “Sure, here’s more I just happened to have on hand because you used up my full supply.”

Eric: Well, and this is the cleverness of Snape, too, because he even in order to sell his position to her even further, he starts talking about poisons, and he’s like, “Well, you could poison Potter if you got rid of all the Veritaserum, but come to think of it, you might kill him before you get any answers.” [laughs] She literally buys the whole thing because she’s desperate. She doesn’t have any way of making this work. And Snape is not objecting to her morally; he’s not saying, “You can’t poison him. You can’t.”

Pam: No, he’s just calling her stupid in 20 different ways, basically.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Right. It’s a flex on the part of Snape, because really, this conversation shouldn’t be happening in front of students. He shouldn’t be sharing that she used Veritaserum on students in front of those students, right? And so that’s why I think he’s utilizing the moment to maybe get back at her a little bit for the way she’s probably been evaluating him throughout the course of the year. But I did want to point… I thought that this would have been an ideal moment for Snape to pull a “Dumbledore’s got style” moment, because he is the most gifted wizard in the room at this time. What he should have done, following Harry’s cryptic message about Sirius, is dismiss the Inquisitorial Squad – they’re all Slytherins; they all should listen to him at the end of the day – and then take out Umbridge himself.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Then he could go and relay a message to Dumbledore about what just happened. I mean, there’s so many other ways this could have played out where Snape could have been a bit more heroic, but he just chooses to walk out.

Eric: That’s a good point. I didn’t really think about that.

Andrew: Yeah, I guess that’s a knock on Snape.

Eric: I’ll tell you what, to his credit, though, he does get Crabbe – is it? – to release Neville a little bit, because Neville is turning blue, and he blames it on paperwork.

Andrew: Yeah, that was very thoughtful of Snape. [laughs]

Eric: This is extremely thoughtful!

Andrew: “Don’t choke him.”

Micah: Because he doesn’t want to do the paperwork.

[Pam laughs]

Eric: No, that’s his excuse.

Andrew: Yeah, I’m with Eric here.

Eric: I have to believe that somewhere deep down he also doesn’t want…

Andrew: Neville to die?

Eric: No, you’re right. It’s just about the paperwork. It’s just about the paperwork.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Andrew: But one other knock against Snape, I want to add, is that when Harry says, “He’s got Padfoot in the place where they’re keeping the weapon,” and then Snape claims to Umbridge that Harry is just speaking gibberish, this should have been very clear to Umbridge that Harry was relaying a very real and very cryptic message to Snape that Snape understood. As much as Umbridge despises Harry, I think she should be smart enough to realize that Harry is capable of relaying something to Snape or any professor. That should have been a major red flag for her. Maybe it was; it’s not really said in the moment. She’s definitely suspicious, but that would have been a moment where, if I were Umbridge, I’d be putting the Cruciatus Curse on Snape and trying to get the answers out of him about what Harry just said to him.

Eric: Yeah, makes sense to me.

Andrew: Come on, Umbridge.

Eric: [laughs] Yeah, she’s not thinking clearly either in this chapter at this moment. So let’s talk again about her relationship now with Hermione, because there is some women hating women moment. There is some superiority complex. Umbridge really gets a ride or a thrill out of Little Miss Question-It-All suddenly being the one who has to give her answers. She’s on a power kick and, I don’t know, she doesn’t recognize Hermione’s fake tears because it thrills her to think that she has reduced this powerful little feminist to tears. You get that? It’s like Umbridge is just so thrilled to be on top that she doesn’t see the very-obvious-to-everyone-else deception going on here.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. I can see that. Yeah, she’s so excited for any information, because she’s not getting it from Harry; she’s not getting it from Snape. Finally, Harry is about to be tortured, and she’s so excited that Hermione is breaking. I can see why she’s buying it.

Eric: Because that’s her only card, really, is to threaten more pain or more discomfort. Umbridge is all talk and not a great deal of bite. She does have the might of the Ministry behind her, and she could get the Inquisitorial Squad to make their lives sort of miserable, but at the end of the day, she’s hoping that applying pressure will cause somebody to break. That’s what happened with Marietta.

Andrew: And it “works.” Air quotes.

Eric: That’s just her MO, is essentially to threaten until somebody breaks and gives up.

Andrew: I assume the answer is yes, but would she have actually gone through with the Cruciatus Curse?

Eric, Micah, and Pam: Yeah.

Andrew: Okay, just checking.

Eric: I think so because the only thing that needs to happen for that to go forward is for no one in the room to stop her. And the Slytherins don’t care; the Slytherins are ready and probably equally interested in seeing the Cruciatus Curse performed on somebody they hate.

Andrew: I’d be interested to see how Harry or Hermione respond to it. Do they…? What spell do they cast to defend against?

Micah: Well, they’re all restrained.

Pam: Wandless.

Eric: Yeah, they don’t even have their wands.

Andrew: Oh, they’re all wandless. I forgot about that. All right, never mind. All right, who’s going to physically attack Umbridge?

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Micah: Well, Harry has shown an ability to resist the Cruciatus Curse, right? Or was it the Imperius?

Pam: Imperio.

Eric: No, I was just thinking that too. I was just thinking it too. But yeah, it’s Imperio.

Andrew: It’s another Unforgivable Curse.

Micah: We talked about this… well, I mean, it’s the buildup, right?

Eric: Well, and he resisted the Death Curse too.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Collect all three!

Pam: Right.

Eric: You know what? We haven’t yet seen this, but I wonder if Harry would have a resistance, a darn inborn resistance to Crucio.

Pam: Well, I think it would take more than one hit for him to actually give it up, and that would frustrate her even more. So it could have turned brutally ugly really fast if Hermione hadn’t stepped in.

Andrew: That’s an interesting point.

Eric: Well, Harry doesn’t have a plan either.

Pam: No, no, no.

Eric: Which is why it’s so brilliant that Hermione is able to come up with this lie, because Harry, yeah, after a few rounds of Crucio might be starting to let the whole thing slip.

Micah: Well, I mean, if he can even talk. I don’t know what kind of state he would be in after that. And we talked about this the last time we discussed this chapter, but I do think it’s important to mention the only other person who has used the Cruciatus Curse on Harry is Voldemort; he did it in Goblet of Fire.

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Micah: And so now you have Umbridge. And so we got into this whole debate, who’s the worst villain? Voldemort or Umbridge? And for Harry, too, it’s building up, right? Because imposter Moody tries the Imperius Curse on him, right? Now Voldemort does the Cruciatus Curse. And then, of course, Avada Kedavra comes in Deathly Hallows. So Harry has felt the brunt of all three Unforgivable Curses and has survived.

Eric: He’s the Master of Unforgivable.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: He’s the Master of Death.

Eric: Well, that too.

Andrew: The Master of Curses and Death.

Eric: Oh, man.

Micah: Anyway.

Eric: Yeah, so I think… are we aligned that pretty much Umbridge’s ambition and her own greed for the answer, especially for a weapon, blinds her to…? She doesn’t realize that Hermione isn’t actually crying tears.

Micah: She just wants information at this point. She’s been clamoring for something that Dumbledore has been doing under her nose the entire year, and now Hermione has finally given it to her, and that’s what I think this is about.

Eric: I guess joke’s on her, because Dumbledore hasn’t actually been doing anything all year.

[Everyone laughs]

Pam: Right.

Eric: If you really think about it.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Yes, I have. I’ve been very busy.”

Pam: Just keeping Harry in the dark,

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: “Very busy ignoring Harry.”

Micah: I love how she notes, though, that Dumbledore is not just at some bar.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: When they try…

Pam: But the thing is she doesn’t even question it further than that, because she’s like, “These are stupid children; of course they’d just be trying anything blindly.”

[Andrew laughs]

Pam: That’s why it works so well.

Eric: But I bet he is at a bar! I bet he’s at the Hog’s Head.

Micah: I wouldn’t be surprised.

Pam: Just chillin’?

Eric: Chillin’ with his bro. Or maybe a nephew or something. We don’t know. So here’s a question regarding something else in the chapter before we wrap: We mentioned that Harry has very few people to go to. He can’t go to McGonagall; he doesn’t think about Snape. This raised the question for me about why there are other teachers at Hogwarts who aren’t in the Order at all, and I’m thinking particularly of Flitwick. Professor Flitwick, we know even as recently as when Fred and George left and they left their swamp there… we know that Flitwick, politically, is anti-Umbridge, and we know that he is a strong wizard. He’s one of the wizards that fights… he defends Hogwarts in the final battle. But he’s not in the Order. And my question to you, the panel, is why? Why is Flitwick actually not an Order member?

Andrew: I feel like it might be a little dangerous for Dumbledore to recruit every professor, or many professors at Hogwarts. I think you kind of want to cover your bases? Is that the phrase I’m looking for? Just like, “Well, what if the whole…”

Eric: Not [censored] where you eat?

Andrew: Yeah, well, and if God forbid the Order of the Phoenix falls apart, all of them die, what good people are still left at Hogwarts? If you recruited everyone from Hogwarts.

Eric: My God, it’d be a hiring nightmare. You’d need Indeed.

Andrew: [laughs] Indeed.com/MuggleCast. They used to be a sponsor, right? So I think that might be at play here. He just doesn’t want to pull too many people away from staying focused on the school.

Eric: Well, just because Harry doesn’t have anybody he can go to, but if Flitwick were in the Order, he would have easily thought of… I mean, he’s the Head of his House, and hell, Snape is in the Order. The other… two of the House Heads are in the Order. Why not Flitwick and why not Sprout? But I’m focusing on Flitwick particularly because he’s always been just standup and ready to cast a defensive charm.

Andrew: Maybe he said no. Maybe he doesn’t have a saving-people thing. [laughs]

Micah: Maybe he’s busy.

Eric: Yeah, I like this idea, though, that Dumbledore would be… not choosy, because I don’t think you can afford to be choosy yet, but for some reason, deciding not to get all the teachers in on it, just in case something goes wrong.

Pam: I wonder if it has to do with keeping Sirius concealed maybe, in part, because that is need to know information. And as much as you have other good professors that would be staunchly against a second Voldemort uprising, I think without seeing proof, it would be hard to convince even every good person that this person you’re vouching for didn’t do this thing that there was so much proof pointing towards that he did.

Eric: I can’t believe we found something else to pin on Sirius before he dies.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: He’s the reason Dumbledore wasn’t recruiting more people to the Order? Yeah, no.

Pam: No, not in a bad way. I just think… but in general, need to know for a lot of stuff, including making sure Sirius was kept safe.

Micah: Right.

Eric: Yeah. I mean, I don’t think Flitwick has done anything to make Dumbledore not trust him, is I guess what I want to say. He could be in the Order.

Micah: I think there’s also something to be said for just having allies. You don’t need everybody to officially be in the Order of the Phoenix.

Pam: Right. And it’s dangerous.

Micah: And as you said, Eric, we see that… yeah, it definitely is. And I think you mentioned he was a dueling champion, so he would definitely be somebody that would make sense for the Order on top of his ability to perform charms. I mean, he does duel directly with Voldemort in the Battle of Hogwarts. I think he’s part of that threesome of him, Kingsley, and Slughorn, who do duel Voldemort at the same time. So I don’t know.

Eric: Yeah, and the protection…

Micah: Just because he’s not in the Order; does it mean that Harry can’t go to Flitwick? That’s the question I wanted to ask. Why can’t he go to him anyway? He can hide the Sirius thing.

Pam: Yeah, but then it’s like, would Flitwick even know who to contact to pass the message along? I guess he would have to give him more information than he might have time to give him, because he would have to be like, “Hey, this is going on. I need to get this message to Dumbledore. I don’t know where he is, but maybe you should talk to XYZ.” [laughs] That’s a tall order.

Andrew: I would think, whether or not you’re a member of the Order, if you are a teacher at Hogwarts, you probably have easy access to Dumbledore. You can call the Bat Phone and get in touch with him somehow.

Eric: [laughs] Bat Phone.

Andrew: So I think, yes, Flitwick would be able to get in touch with him, even if he is not an official member of the Order. Or get in touch with… I don’t know, somebody who can get a message to McGonagall at St. Mungo’s. He would have options.

Micah: What about Sprout? I mean, we keep talking about Flitwick, but there’s another Head of House here, too, right?

Andrew: Yeah, but Hufflepuff.

[Pam laughs]

Andrew: Kidding.

Eric: It needs to be somebody who’s known and in the Order because they need to get a message to the rest of the Order, but yeah. I do wonder, though, because Dumbledore is trying to raise awareness and building up the Order, I don’t think he’d stop short of recruiting some of the most talented witches and wizards he knows, but by the end of the year, Flitwick and Sprout are not in the Order, and so Harry doesn’t have them to go to. It’s an interesting question.

Andrew: Maybe they were like, “Yo, Dumbledore, I’m trying to maintain a work/life balance. I don’t got time for this. Thanks, but no thanks.”

[Eric laughs]

Pam: No extracurriculars. [laughs]

Andrew: “I don’t want to get in the middle of your tussle with Tom Riddle.”

Pam: Flitwick is like, “I’m already Head of House. Does this come with a raise?” [laughs]

Eric: “I already run the choir; it’s a whole thing…”

Pam: Right, that’s his extracurricular.

Andrew: “I’ve got plants to maintain…”

Eric: But the protection of Lily and James Potter came down to a charm, the Fidelius Charm, and so I think everyone appreciates and respects the work that Flitwick could do for the Order, but Dumbledore is just doing it for now. So interesting discussion. I believe that wraps Chapter 32, “Out of the Fire.”


Superlative of the Week


Eric: So I have a question for y’all. Little bit of an MVP segment. Who is the…? We got a lot of Inquisitorial Squad moments, and they’re not pleasant folk, unfortunately. But who’s the baddest mofo in this chapter? And I won’t define mofo. Particularly nasty piece of work that we want to shout out to.

Andrew: Yeah, you just mentioned the Inquisitorial Squad, but I want to go a different direction with this question and I just want to say Snape for toeing that line between Harry and Umbridge so masterfully. I mean, that was a fluid, tense, risky situation that I thought he navigated really well. It was nasty good.

Eric: All right, well, I’m going to give mine to Millicent Bulstrode. We took a few books off from her, and she’s back, and I’m not impressed with what I see.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: She’s repulsed by the idea that Hermione would show emotion and cry, and she’s just using her size to keep these Gryffindors in line, and I’m just not into it. Sad.

Micah: I went with Warrington just because he seems like the biggest bully in the room.

Andrew: Aww.

Micah: Isn’t he the one that has Neville? Or no, that’s Crabbe.

Pam: I thought it was Goyle or Crabbe.

Eric: Screw Warrington anyway. Stand by it.

Pam: Honestly, Eric, I read your question wrong. [laughs] I didn’t realize you meant Inquisitorial Squad members. But I guess I would give it to Crabbe for his insane chokehold on Neville. That seems pretty intense.

Eric: Yeah, a teacher has to stop him from going further on that. But originally, Pam…

Pam: Yeah, doesn’t know his own strength, clearly.

Eric: When you read this originally, you put somebody else as the baddest mofo. [laughs]

Pam: I did! I thought you just meant in the room, and I was like, “Well, Hermione is pretty badass for her Oscar-worthy performance.”

Eric: Okay! I can get behind it.

Pam: She really saves the day.

Eric: These things are open to interpretation; all we need is for you to submit somebody, so there’s that.

[Pam laughs]

Andrew: Yay, I didn’t get it wrong, then.

Eric: No, no, I could have been clearer.

Andrew: It’s okay.


Lynx Line


Andrew: And then over on the Lynx Line, we asked everybody: In this chapter, Hermione, under great pressure, comes up with a convincing story to tell Umbridge as to what Harry was doing in her fireplace. So what’s the best thinking on your feet you have ever done? And let’s go in host order. Zachary said,

“I’ve never really fabricated any story with my family. I’ve always been truthful for the most part, with the exception of leaving bits and pieces out of the story.”

Good move.

“The closest I have is one night I came home after enjoying some Gigglewater with my friends. I told my family I was at one friend’s house who happened to have an abundance of cats. I have a mild allergy to cats. I walked in through the front door and my Pop stopped me dead in my tracks and asked why I reeked of cologne and why are my eyes so red. I told him it was because of Matt’s cats causing me to rub my eyes. He smirked and said, ‘Well, just remember if those cats cause you to get in trouble with the law and you happen to call me to pick you up from the kennel, you’d be better off staying there.’ That was the one and only time he told me that, and to this day it has been enough to keep me out of all sorts of trouble.”

Andrew: [laughs] That’s a good story. “Don’t get yourself in trouble, because Dad’s not coming to save you” was the implication there, it sounds like. Zachary’s dad does not have a saving-people thing.

Eric: Oh. Well, we heard also from Sonia, who said,

“I facilitated my mom buying her dream condo. She was living in a townhouse on the north side of the railroad tracks while watching these slick new condos being built on the south side. She kept saying how she wanted to live there but was sure they were all sold by now. I said go to the leasing office and talk with someone to be sure. I called our local credit union that was across the street and asked them to get an earnest money check written to her from my account and she would pick it up. Sure enough, she meets with the leasing agent and gets the last unit that was allocated for fixed income buyers. She said while she was signing the contract, the agent got a call and told the caller that the last unit was just sold. My mom never failed to credit me for achieving her dream home where she lived for her remaining years. Well done, Draco.”

Eric: [laughs] Well done, Sonia! I love the ability to see an opportunity that’s within your power to kind of handle it, much the way Hermione does in this chapter, I think.

Micah: Emily said,

“When I was in high school I competed in Reading Olympics… if you’re not as much of a nerd as me, it was a contest between the districts in the county. A list was published each year and as a team you would be quizzed on the books. There were 30ish books on the list and inevitably there would be one or two that no one read. A question came up on our turn – I don’t even remember the book but I confidently said, ‘Magic!’ and won the round for my team.”

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Eric: Oh my God.

Pam: Barry says,

“One time my friends and I were joking around, and I almost said a joke that was probably a little too mean about one of my friends, so mid-joke I pivoted and delivered a punchline that made NO sense. Everyone thought I was an idiot, but I’d rather be the idiot than the jerk.”

Eric: Oh, that feels real. That hits home.

Andrew: Yeah. And finally, Rachel said,

“I’m not sure if this was the ‘best’ quick thinking I’ve done, but I was dropping off a gift at a friend’s house as a surprise. No one was there, but her roommate had told me the lock code to get into the garage to put the gift inside. I must have misread the message or pressed the wrong number because I couldn’t get in. I tried again, got in, and put the gift by the car and a note on the windshield. Then she came outside as I was closing the garage! She wasn’t supposed to be there! I should have just said I was there to drop off the gift and ruin the surprise. Instead I said I was out for a walk and saw her door was open so I went up to close it. Not sure if she bought it or not, but she definitely figured it out the next day when she left for work.”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: That’s funny. That’s pretty good thinking on your feet. Thanks for those contributions, y’all. The Lynx Line is a great way to have your voice heard on the show, whether or not you are listening live. We ask a new question every week, and we invite you to participate by becoming a member of our community at Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and you can pledge for as little as $5 a month. If you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, and next week we will discuss Order of the Phoenix Chapter 33, “Fight and Flight.” If you’re looking for more podcasting from the four of us, listen to our other shows. In this week’s Millennial, we’re talking about a San Francisco bookstore that removed the Harry Potter books, and we got into a debate over that. Believe it or not, you might be surprised the stance we took. And over on What the Hype?!, we’re getting you ready for the upcoming releases of Marvel’s Fantastic Four and Netflix’s Wednesday Season 2.

Eric: I found those details about that bookstore to be very interesting, Andrew.

Andrew: Oh, did you listen?

Eric: Yep.

Micah: I’m not that far along yet.

Andrew: Oh, okay.

Micah: So I’ll listen tomorrow on my flight.

Eric: Oh, I skipped right to it.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: 43 minutes in.

Micah: I’m giving our friends at Millennial the full metric or whatever the hell you want to call it of listening…

Eric: Listening all the way through, okay.

Andrew: So he can talk to me about the episode when we get dinner tomorrow. [laughs]

Micah: Yeah, yeah.

Eric: I’m a bad stat.

Micah: Well, no, so I contribute to your stats.

Andrew: Oh, I appreciate that.


Quizzitch


Andrew: All right, and now it’s time for everybody’s favorite Harry Potter trivia show, Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s Quizzitch question was: Harry struggles to name all the moons of Jupiter for his astronomy OWL. Which of the following is not one of Jupiter’s moons? Is it Io, Metis, Europa, Ganymede, Calypso, Themisto, Pandia, or S/2003 J2? Well, it turns out that Calypso is not a moon of Jupiter. Jupiter’s moon is named Callisto, not Calypso.

Micah: Calypso makes me think of Pirates of the Caribbean.

Eric: Ah, yeah. So 42% of folks with the correct answer did not look that one up. There are 92 moons, so I don’t blame anybody who did. And this week’s winners were A healthy breeze; Amelia Loves MuggleCast; AstroBort; Buckbeak’s annoyance with the traitorous Kreacher; Calypso777; GrawPower; Hagrid’s missing secret filter; I chime in with haven’t you people ever heard of using the two-way mirror…

Andrew: [singing] “Closing the dah, dah, dah…”

Eric: [singing] “Much better to talk to your godfather.” … I didn’t know, but my Jupiter-obsessed 10-year-old says this is the correct answer… that’s fun. I’m a nerd; Lumos Knox; Magic School Bus solar system; OWLs stand for officially wasted life; QuidWitch; Voldemort and Snape Defying Gravity; and of course, our dear friend Tofu Tom. And here is next week’s Quizzitch question: In this chapter, Umbridge placed Stealth Sensor Spells around her office door. Founded by Edward Calahan over 150 years ago, the company which currently holds at least 15% of the market share for home security systems is called ADT. What does ADT – ADT Security – what does ADT stand for?

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: “We’re home, even when you’re not.” Isn’t that their slogan?

Andrew: Ring has something like that. I think their slogan is “Always home”?

Micah: Something Rachel’s friend could have used when she broke into her house.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, yeah. Well, submit your answer to us on the MuggleCast website using the Quizzitch form. Go to MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or if you’re already on our site, checking out transcripts, or must listens, or some other fun stuff we have on there, click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Micah: You know, I was thinking. When you were reading those names, this thought came to me. I don’t know if we’ve ever mentioned this on the show, and I’m sure some of us on the panel know this, but Lumos and Nox. You know that you can say this to Siri? Have you done this before?

Andrew: [laughs] Yes.

Pam: Yeah.

Micah: Okay. All right, I’m just making sure.

Andrew: Okay.

[Pam laughs]

Eric: That’s old news, Micah.

Micah: I know it is, but I don’t know if we’ve ever mentioned it on the show.

Eric: No, no, I’ve only seen it done once. I still think it’s really cool. The novelty is not worn out for me.

Andrew: For a second I thought this was setup for Micah to squeeze in a dad joke at the last minute, but it looks like that wasn’t the case here.

Micah: No.

Andrew: All right. That’s all right.

Eric: We have a clean episode of MuggleCast, y’all. We did it.

Andrew: [laughs] Thank you, everyone, for listening. Don’t forget to visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast to support us; we really appreciate your support there. We’d also appreciate if you leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, and if you tell a friend about the show. Friend of the show, Pam, thanks for joining us today.

Pam: Yeah, thanks for having me. It was so much fun.

Andrew: Thanks again, everyone, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Pam: And I’m Pamela.

Andrew: Bye, everyone.

Micah and Pam: Bye.

Transcript #711

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #711, Bigger, Bolder, Beast-ier (OOTP Chapter 31, ‘O.W.L.s.’)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: And I’m Micah.

Andrew: Laura will be joining us in a few minutes. We are your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books, the movies, and upcoming television show, so make sure you follow us in your favorite podcast app, and that way you’ll never miss an episode. And this week, we hope you studied up and you’re feeling well-rested, because we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 31, [imitating Umbridge] “OWLs.” Hem-hem! [back to normal voice] It’s hard to do that.

Eric: You did really well, actually, for being a little rusty.

Micah: Yeah, your little hem was actually better than your OWLs.

Andrew: [imitating Umbridge] “OWLs! Hem-gem!” There we go. And helping us with today’s discussion is MuggleCast patron and Slug Club member, Stacy. Welcome to the show, Stacy.

Stacy: Hi. Happy to be here.

Andrew: We’re excited to have you. Let’s get your fandom ID.

Stacy: My favorite book is Prisoner of Azkaban. Like Eric, I’m a big Marauder fan, so that kind of covers all the bases. My favorite movie is actually Goblet of Fire, which is maybe a little bit of a hot take. I’m a Ravenclaw. I went on to Wizarding World to remind myself what my Ilvermorny House is, and that’s been taken down.

Andrew: Aww, taken down. They don’t even want you to remember anymore. Ugh.

Stacy: No. So Google says the Ravenclaw equivalent is Horned Serpent, but for some reason I was thinking Thunderbird. My Patronus is a shrew, which we don’t need to talk about any further, because it’s a shrew.

Eric: [laughs] Yeah, I feel like you’re in the boat that so many of us are, where you’re just like, “What?” by the Patronus result. Yeah, mine’s a stoat, and Hagrid feeds the children stoat sandwiches throughout the books.

Micah: And as a fellow Ravenclaw, I also got Thunderbird, even though, like you’re saying, Horned Serpent is the equivalent. So you’re in good company, I’d like to think.

Stacy: Okay, yeah, so I think it was Thunderbird. And then for the OWLs chapter, when I was in middle and high school, my favorite classes were split between English and Science classes.

Andrew: Oh, okay. Yeah, I wanted to ask that one because of today’s chapter. And Stacy, we can’t help but notice you have a very impressive wand collection behind you. How did you decide to collect so many wands? And how many do you have?

Stacy: I have 77. 78 if you count the MuggleCast one, which is on the wall.

Andrew: That should definitely count, I think.

Micah: But then she loses the magic of seven seven.

Andrew: Yes, that just means now you have to go up to 777.

[Micah laughs]

Stacy: There are more to get yet.

Andrew: What was your first wand?

Stacy: I bought a six-pack Dumbledore’s Army thing, so Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Luna, and Ginny.

Andrew: [laughs] And then you were hooked after that?

Stacy: Yep.

Andrew: Wow, that’s…

Eric: It’s a slippery slope.

Stacy: It really is.

[Andrew and Stacy laugh]

Micah: And do you have a favorite of those 77? Because obviously, the MuggleCast one is your favorite, but aside from the MuggleCast one.

Eric: Right, right.

Micah: Or maybe one that you were most surprised by the design?

Stacy: I really like Tonks’s. It’s got a fun handle on it.

Andrew: Oh, okay.

Stacy: Newt’s is fun because it kind of looks like it’s been chewed on.

Micah: Oh, interesting.

Andrew: By a beast.

Stacy: Yeah, exactly.

Andrew: By Pickett, maybe? I could see Pickett gnawing at the wand. Well, cool. Welcome to the show. We appreciate your support on Patreon, and thanks for sort of including the MuggleCast wand in your collection total. I think it should count. We spoke to Harry Potter; he said it should count.

Eric: It’s specially crafted; of course it should count.

Stacy: Exactly, yeah. It’s on the same display, so…

Andrew: Before we jump into Chapter by Chapter, we want to remind you of a couple of items related to the show. If you love MuggleCast and want to help us keep this show running as smoothly as Harry looking straight in Umbridge’s face while casting a Patronus, we invite you to become a member of our community at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. By financially supporting us for as little as $5 a month, you can get instant access to two bonus MuggleCast episodes every month, plus ad-free episodes, access to our recording studio by way of livestreams, a personal video “Thank you” message from one of the four MuggleCasters, and a lot more. This timing couldn’t be perfect! Hi Laura.

Laura Tee: Hi.

Andrew: I just wanted to kick it over to you and ask what’s coming up in bonus MuggleCast this week. [laughs]

Laura: Oh my gosh, this is such fortuitous timing. And hello, Stacy. It’s so nice to meet you.

Stacy: Hi, Laura.

Laura: Sorry I didn’t get to say hey to you in the pre show. So in today’s bonus MuggleCast, we are going to be talking about some of the actors who declined roles in Potter, and some of the reasons that they declined those roles. I think we are all aware of at least some of the people on this list, but there were a couple of others that were surprises to me, so I’m looking forward to chatting about it.

Andrew: Yeah, there is even news about one of them this week, I believe. I don’t know if that’s what inspired this discussion.

Laura: That is what inspired it, because I saw that news and I was like, “What? The guy from Juno?”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: It’s true.

Andrew: That’ll be available at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. If you’re looking for other ways to support us, you can visit MuggleCastMerch.com to buy official gear, and by the way, on that website, we have a link to limited time patron gifts from years past. You can also leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, and you can tell a fellow Muggle about the show. Finally, visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all of this information, our contact form, and more.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: And now we have the whole gang here, so let’s jump into Chapter by Chapter. And this week we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 31, “OWLs.” Hem-hem!

Eric: We last talked about this chapter on Episode 468 of MuggleCast, which was called – and again, with the episode titles – “Rubeus Hagrid’s Punch Out!”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: And this was on June 9 of 2020.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 468.

Andrew: What also cracks me up is Voldemort says in this vision, “We have hours ahead of us and nobody to hear you scream,” basically telling Harry, “We’re going to be here for a while, wink wink.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: “Coast is clear.”

Andrew: “Take your time! Come on in! We’ll be here.”

Eric: Figure out how to get your ass to London with Hogwarts in a police state.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Micah: All right. Well, it is test time, so break out your Scantrons and number two pencils.

Andrew: Oh, that’s a triggering remark.

Laura: Oh, man.

Eric: Oh my God. Thanks for the Time-Turner, Micah.

Micah: Is that dating us a bit?

Laura: I am already breaking out in a cold sweat, Micah. I was not ready for this.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: But first we actually have to study for the exams before we sit to take them. And I wanted to start the discussion talking about Ron’s big win and Hagrid’s big surprise, because Ron cannot stop talking about the Quidditch match. And it made me think if we’d ever had a friend who just couldn’t stop talking about one of their biggest achievements.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: And Harry seems genuinely happy for Ron, whereas Hermione is just nose down in her books studying, and it’s this really fun dynamic that exists here. But Ron finally had arguably one of his biggest moments in the series, and his two best friends were nowhere to be found.

Eric: Listen, it’s the day of, or shortly after. In 40 years, he’s still going to be talking about this. Then you can ask this question.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: “Do we have any friends that just won’t stop talking about their biggest accomplishment?” For now, I’m inclined to let Ron have it. What makes me laugh, though – and I really did giggle while reading this – is the content, the actual text of what Ron is saying. He’s like, “Oh, I thought he was going to go left – his left, my right – but then I went right at the last minute,” and I was just like, “Oh, Quidditch actually doesn’t work when you write about it.” It’s not exciting to read about. The actual moment of… are there…? I don’t want to be super ignorant of sports, but goalkeeping, which is extremely talented, is not necessarily the kind of thing that is exciting while written about. You know what I’m saying? It’s like, you go left, you go right. It’s instinct.

Micah: That’s why we went to the forest.

Eric: So to hear Ron talk about, I’m like, “Who’s listening to this and going, ‘Oh my God, I’m on the edge of my seat’?” [laughs] It’s like, you did the good saves.

Laura: Yeah. I feel like it’s more impressive if you see it, right? If you go to a soccer match, watching those goalies is very impressive. But yeah, if I were reading a written description about what they were doing, probably not so much. But I’m also not hugely into sports, so…

Andrew: But even in the Muggle world, I feel like when you hear athletes talking about a game or plays, they don’t really get more detailed than what Eric was describing. And they have post-game interviews, and you’re hearing them repeat the same things over and over again, or you hear the press interview the coach, and it’s like, “Yeah, we locked in. We really focused. We caught the ball.” It’s nothing original, time to time. “We’ve got to do better next time.” It’s the same ten things every time.

Eric: It made me wonder what the least exciting to read about position on the Quidditch team is, and I’d say besides Keeper… I mean, there are at least three hoops, which is exciting. But for a Seeker, the Seeker’s job is done when they get the Golden Snitch, or don’t get the Golden Snitch. And we’ve seen probably the Seeker’s position be written about the most in the Harry Potter books, less so as the books have progressed. But Chasers are at least exciting, right? And that’s the commentary that we get when the announcer is talking about them. Beater is probably next most exciting to actually read about, from the perspective of the Beater, which we never get.

Laura: Yeah. It is fun to play, though. Again, to anyone who ever played Quidditch Champions, I found I personally enjoyed playing the Beater role. But what I liked about that, too, is that you could switch back and forth between these different positions so you could experience all of them.

Eric: Be where the action is.

Andrew: But to your point, Eric, a Seeker recapping their game would be like, “I floated there, and I floated there.”

Eric: [laughs] “I hovered.”

Andrew: “I looked left, and I looked right. And I sneezed. And then I thought I saw something! It was just a fly.”

Micah: It’s more than just the commentary on the match, though. It’s the fact that Ron has, I believe, won the Quidditch Cup for Gryffindor, right?

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Micah: This is his standout moment.

Andrew: And he does deserve to talk about it, because this was a unique, very special occasion. And it’s all the more appropriate that he is talking about it so passionately, because Harry and Hermione weren’t there to witness it, so they get to experience some of the excitement that actually happened on the field.

Eric: “I went left. My left, his right.”

[Andrew laughs]

Stacy: Yeah, I mean, I think for Ron, who has never really had that moment that it’s been just him, and it’s not, “Oh yeah, you did this with Harry,” or “You were with Harry until you passed out, and then Harry did the thing.”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Yep.

Stacy: I mean, I think he has the right to celebrate and feel proud of it.

Laura: Yeah, think about what he saw in the Mirror of Erised. This is that moment come to fruition for him.

Eric: This is one of his heart’s desires!

Andrew: Aww.

Micah: Well, one good thing that does come from this whole conversation or observance by Harry is that Ron reminds him quite a bit of somebody that he just saw in a memory not that long ago. And what I love about this moment in particular is that there’s positivity around it, because there’s been so much negativity around Snape’s worst memory and how James has come off to Harry. But the quote from the book was, “The truth was that Ron had just reminded Harry forcibly of another Gryffindor Quidditch player who had once sat rumpling his hair under this very tree.” So it’s very cool to see the comparison between Ron and James.

Eric: It does seem like Harry has had a minute and a half now to actually process some of those emotions following his conversation with Remus and Sirius at Grimmauld Place. We don’t see it happen; we don’t really check in with Harry, but given that he’s looking at Ron and kind of smiles under his breath about the comparison to his dad, we learn that Harry… we can infer that Harry is no longer completely horrified by the idea… the specter of his father.

Micah: So Harry and Hermione break the truth to Ron that they didn’t see him go left; they didn’t see him go right.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: Whose left? Whose right? I’m so confused.

Andrew: We were watching Hagrid go left and right and deeper into the dark of forest.

Micah: There you go.

Eric: To Ron’s credit, he takes it very well. At first he starts to turn red, but as soon as he realizes exactly what happened, he probably realizes, one, he wouldn’t have done any different. They didn’t really have a choice if Hagrid is there. And the story is just too hard to believe that they would go and do this willingly. So he’s quick to forgive, I think, and he’s, by the end of their story five minutes later, outraged on their behalf and for them and with them.

Micah: Giants definitely seem like something that would blow Ron’s mind, and I think that’s what happens in this moment. It just completely takes him off track from his whole Quidditch bragging session, and now he’s focused in on the fact that Hagrid has brought yet another creature into the forest for them to have to contend with. And I thought he raised a really good point, and I’m interested to hear what you all have to say, because he asks the question, “Have we ever come off better for mixing with any of Hagrid’s monster mates?”

Stacy: The only thing that I could think of is maybe Buckbeak, if we consider him a monster mate, because he turned out to be really critical at the end of Prisoner of Azkaban as far as getting Sirius to safety, and then he sticks around for at least two more books. And he also took a couple swipes at Malfoy, which I’m sure the trio appreciated.

Andrew: Yeah, and I think this is the nature of a position like this. Some of the beasts aren’t going to be so friendly; some of them are going to be. As the trio learn in Prisoner of Azkaban, there is also a right way to approach a hippogriff like Buckbeak. So it is a good point that Ron raises, though – I agree with you, Micah – and this one might be one of the most dangerous beasts that they’ve been introduced to of all, because this guy is also located deep into the forest where they’re not supposed to be going, and where there’s lots of other dangers afoot.

Laura: Other dangers that Hagrid is aware of. He knows the centaurs tried to kill Firenze, he knows they’re not happy, and yet he’s sort of brazenly walking in there, thinking, “Ah, they’re not going to do anything to me.”

Andrew: Because the kids are here.

Laura: Right.

Micah: I was trying to think of all the different monster mates that we’ve been introduced to throughout the course of the series that really made an impact. And so with Sorcerer’s Stone, you had Fluffy; you could add Norberta to that list, but I think she was relatively harmless at that stage. In Chamber of Secrets, we got Aragog. In Prisoner Azkaban, we have Buckbeak. And then what would we say for Goblet of Fire? The Blast-Ended Skrewts?

Laura and Stacy: Yeah.

Andrew: I think so, because those were also a creation of Hagrid’s, right? [laughs]

Micah: Oh, yeah. He was black market something-ing them. Breeding.

Laura: Yeah, because what is it they’re a cross between?

Stacy: Fire crabs and…

Laura: Manticores?

Stacy: That was what I was thinking.

Laura: I think that’s right, yeah. Oh, Hagrid.

Micah: Now we got giants.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: So those wouldn’t have been authorized by the Ministry or by Hogwarts; it’s just Hagrid’s own creation. It’s almost like how in the Muggle world, we don’t really know the power of AI just yet, and people are like, “Oh, AI is going to take over. The robots are going to take over.” This is kind of like what the Blast-Ended Skrewts could have done, for all Hagrid knows. Maybe this is an extreme idea, but yeah, I’m just saying he doesn’t know what he’s putting in front of the kids!

Laura: Very true. And actually, Micah, I liked that you observed sort of the escalation in creatures that Hagrid is introducing over the books because…

Eric: Bigger, bolder, more dangerous!

Laura: Right. Baby dragon, bigass spider and its whole family, horse bird, Blast-Ended… basically giant fire scorpions, and then a literal giant. Come on, Hagrid.

Andrew: [imitating Hagrid] “Workin’ you up to the big stuff.”

[Laura laughs]

[Ad break]

Micah: So I wanted to ask, how do these OWL exams reflect real world academic pressures? Because all of the students are utilizing different tactics to prepare for upcoming exams, and we can get the sense that anxiety is at an all-time high. And it feels similar to when we came upon finals at the end of a term, and we were cramming and we were studying, and we knew the stakes were high, right? There were probably periods within our academic career where we knew that the exams that were coming up meant something. Whether they actually meant something in the larger context of our lives and our careers is another conversation, but at that particular moment, we were told, “You’d better do well on these exams,” and that’s exactly what these students are facing.

Laura: Yeah, totally. In the moment it feels like an insurmountable pressure, because it kind of comes with the implication of “If you don’t do well on these exams, you might not get to go to the next grade, or you might not get to go to the college you want to go to, or you might not get a scholarship.” It is a lot of pressure to put on one test.

Andrew: But then once you are over that hill, ahh, it’s the most amazing feeling in the world. Even if you’re not sure you did so well, at least for me, I was feeling very relieved after taking a test.

Laura: And then, surprise, once you get out in the world and get established in whatever your career is, no one cares.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Literally no one.

Eric: You can even lie.

Andrew: You can have a calculator with you, you can have a dictionary next to you, and you get to Google all you want…

Laura: I mean, think about how often we got told that we’re not going to have a calculator in our pockets back in the day, and now it’s like…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Listen, the teachers didn’t know about smartphones. Nobody knew.

Andrew: No. In fairness, yeah, we didn’t know where the future was going. And now schools are embracing ChatGPT because they know they can’t stop the kids from using it. It’s all so broken.

Eric: Ugh.

Andrew: But that’s a whole other discussion.

Eric: Speaking of broken, there was a brain study released now recently about AI users, but yeah.

Micah: Oh no. Well, I’m assuming it’s not positive.

Eric: It atrophies the muscles. It’s not great. So the thing that gets me here about exam time is that Draco seems to think that he’s got a competitive advantage because he knows one of the proctors, but how does this, I guess, work in practice? If Griselda Marchbanks is his personal assessor, the way that Harry gets Tofty a couple of times, I can see how this works, but he’s bragging that he knows Professor Marchbanks. And the other kids are just like, “Come on, Draco,” and Neville even privately discredits what Draco is saying.

Micah: It’s very cool to see the different dynamics of how certain Houses or students from certain Houses are approaching these exams, because you have Hermione, who is muttering to herself as she is going through this whole process. You have Ernie Macmillan from Hufflepuff, who is comparing hours of studying, right? He’s asking Ron, “How many hours are you studying?” And I think he’s trying to validate, right, what he’s doing on his end.

Eric: Yeah, he’s seeking some level of approval. I get this because I’m a Hufflepuff, so I get it, but nobody is at his level, so he comes away disappointed, and everyone else feels worse for having interacted with him. [laughs]

Laura: Didn’t we all have an Ernie in our classes who would do this kind of, I don’t know, academic olympics? [laughs]

Eric: Assertiveness about themselves, like inward… it’s a weird… but yeah, we have all had that.

Micah: It seems like Ernie would get along very well with Hermione, though, just based on what he’s doing here in this moment.

Eric: I agree. I mean, he’s saying he gets an hour in before breakfast; there’s eight hours overall in a day.

Micah: It’s almost like a workout comparison, right?

Eric: That’s it.

Micah: “I got an hour in before breakfast.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, I have such respect for people, because it takes a schedule. You have to plan this out. In addition to the studying, you’re also planning the structure around it. And Hermione has presumably not only done this for herself, but she’s given timetables and things, at least in the past, for Harry and Ron to do as well. So I think they would get along.

Micah: But let’s talk a little bit about what you brought up, Eric, in that Draco is making these offhanded remarks that it’s not what you know, it’s about who you know. And Neville does counter that a bit, because he says that his grandmother is quite close with Griselda Marchbanks, and basically that there’s no known relationship between her and the Malfoys. But my mind immediately went to corporate America, because I do think in many cases, it is all about who you know, not necessarily about what you know. And I know, Laura, I see you nodding your head there.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Oh, yeah, no. Optics are super important.

Andrew: I think this is important even outside of corporate America as well. It’s just really… it’s having those connections in all facets of life that can get you different places or get your foot in the door so you can get that interview or have that connection to lead you somewhere else.

Eric: But how is it relevant to what they’re doing? How is it relevant to OWLs? Because half of it, at least, is on paper, right? It’s written. You can’t… it’s not who you know on a Scantron.

Andrew: I think Draco might be misplacing some trust here in his father knowing Marchbanks. I think he’s assuming if he does poorly, maybe he can go to his dad, who can go to Marchbanks, something like that. But I agree it’s off, because if he does badly, he does badly on the test. Unless they are going to fudge his scores, but that seems like a really bad thing for them to do.

Laura: Yeah, and the thing is, we know Draco is smart. I think that we’ve been led to assume that he has Hermione-ish levels of intelligence. He’s no slouch, so it’s not like he’s going to fail any of these exams. I honestly think he’s just parroting some stuff he heard from his dad. That line about “It’s about who you know”; that’s something Lucius said, and he’s just parroting it. He’s doing this to brag and to name drop.

Eric: And to intimidate.

Laura: Yeah, exactly.

Eric: The other students that don’t know Madam Marchbanks are just going to be like, “Oh, crap, I’m screwed,” and throw their hands up, and maybe he’s trying to psych the other kids out.

Micah: It’s certainly coming from a position of entitlement.

Stacy: To Laura’s point that Draco is at Hermione level intelligence, certainly the fanfiction community thinks he is.

[Eric laughs]

Stacy: I do think it’s very much him just repeating, I think, the kind of aristocratic…

Micah: Mentality.

Stacy: … privileged place that he grew up with, thinking that if you know somebody, or if somebody knows your dad, that it’s all going to fall into place.

Andrew: Yeah. If he does bad, no big deal. “My dad will be able to fix it. He always does.”

Stacy: Yeah, because it has before. Absolutely.

Micah: And I think that Ron had a very practical response to all of this, which was, “Well, if it is all about who you know, there’s nothing we can do about it anyway.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: What a sage Ron. What a wise Ron. I love this. We didn’t get that in the movies as much.

Laura: No, but I think he’s speaking from experience here, right? Because he did not have the experience that Draco had growing up, watching his family schmooze all of these people of high influence. So this is kind of baked in for Ron. I think he’s already playing life on hard mode, compared to someone like Draco.

Eric: That’s a good point, yep.

Micah: So it is time for us to sit our OWLs, and Andrew, you want your results right away.

Andrew: Yes, I’m stressed! I’ve been studying. I’ve been muttering under my breath. I haven’t slept. And then we find out that the results will be shared with students come July, after term ends?

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: And that surprises me, just because we’re in a wizarding school. You would think that with so much magic at their disposal, they would be able to get near instant results back thanks to some sort of, let’s say, magical analysis.

Eric: Absolutely. There’s anti-cheating…

Andrew: It’s surprising it would take so long.

Eric: Yeah, the magic that we already know about, things that affect quills. You’ve get your spell check quill; you’ve got your anti-cheating jinxes; you’ve got all this other stuff that you can do to tests, but you still have to, what, count by hand? Come on, really.

Andrew: It’s surprising the quill can’t grade you in real time, actually, with that in mind.

Eric: Right! Well, that would be awful.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Can you imagine you write down the answer and immediately, immediately-immediately, find out if you got it wrong?

Andrew: It’s grading you in real time, but it’s not telling you in real time.

Eric: As you’re writing the answer, the ink changes.

Andrew: It’s like you’re going for a scan, a medical scan, and you know the person administering the scan can see your results in real time, and is thinking to themselves, “Oh, this person…”

Eric: But July is insane.

Laura: Andrew, that feels like a very specific example. I don’t know if we need to talk about that after we finish recording.

Eric: Andrew, did you get an ultrasound recently? They turn the screen?

Andrew: No, no, no, but you see… yeah, yeah. Well, my dog did, actually, and I know that the vet can see what’s up in real time, and I don’t want to wait around for the results. I guess that’s what I was channeling, Laura. I didn’t realize it.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: He’s fine, by the way.

Eric: Okay, good.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Micah: Stacy, you have a real world example of this?

Stacy: Interesting following up to that comment. I am a small animal veterinarian, and our boards are entirely multiple choice on a computer in a testing center on specific software. We take them; we leave. It was months before we got our scores back.

Andrew: Oh my gosh.

Eric: In a dedicated center for that testing on dedicated computers.

Andrew: And multiple choice. [laughs]

Eric: Who’s making money off of that time delay? Is the question you’ve got to ask in today’s corporate America. Who benefits from three months of not knowing your scores?

Andrew: Alcohol.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Stacy: The bars.

Andrew: [laughs] The bars.

Stacy: And study companies who continue to get the students studying because they don’t know if they have to retake it or not.

Andrew and Micah: Ohh.

Andrew: So were you stressed as hell, waiting months for your results?

Stacy: Very much so, but also channeling Ron in the sense that it’s done; I can’t do anything else about it at this point.

Eric: Yeah, you’ve got to be zen. You’ve got to find your zen.

Stacy: C’est la vie.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Micah: I was going to say, there’s students who probably are just happy to be done with the exams and don’t even think about the results until they get them in the mail. And then there’s the students probably like Hermione, who are sweating it out every single day, counting down the days, probably until the results of the OWL exams arrive.

Laura: I wonder how many students change their grades when they get that envelope in the summer because they don’t want to…

Eric: I feel like you used to be able to, if you’re mailed your report card, quick change an O to an S or an S to an O somehow.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Right, exactly.

Micah: What I really enjoyed, though, about these exams was just reflecting back a little bit on how much we’ve learned as readers in all these different subjects as we’re going on this journey with Harry through all these different tests, and the first one that came to mind for me was Charms, because Harry has a little smile on his face when it comes to… I think it’s actually the written portion of the Charms examination where he has to identify Wingardium Leviosa, and I thought that was such a great throwback to Sorcerer’s Stone. And we actually get a couple of these types of throwbacks to other books where it came in really pivotal moments, and this was one of them.

Eric: I have to push back on what I think those moments represent, because I was reading this chapter going, “We know next to nothing about some of these subjects.” Like Transfiguration, Harry’s got to make a teacup do cartwheels or something. We don’t know the first part about how that magic actually works. He’s got to turn the teacup into something that cartwheels, so what is that, first of all, that you have to convert it to? Then what would the spell be? What would the root words for the spell be? We don’t know anything. We spend six books going to classes, and we know next to nothing about many of these subjects, to the point where the only thing we hear about these OWLs is the things that Harry has coincidentally done, like Polyjuice Potion that help him pass. So I was actually surprised by how little we know across all of these courses for how any of this magic actually works. We just know stuff. We just know the names of magical creatures.

Andrew: That’s because Harry, Ron, and Hermione are spending too much time yapping during classes instead of focusing on the lessons, and we as the reader get robbed of hearing some of the practical work that is involved in Transfiguration and whatnot.

Micah: Well, they’re trying to save the school, in fairness, in pretty much every one of those books.

Andrew: [laughs] Do it in your off-time.

Eric: No, no, no, I don’t think this is coming down on anyone in particular, but I think on a chapter that is all about these massive tests – that’s the summation of their knowledge – I feel like we as readers don’t actually know a lot about any of these subjects. Potions maybe the most.

Micah: I could be totally wrong on this, but I think we might be surprised at how much we’re actually told if we go back and look at all those classes in terms of what they were actually learning. It’s just that the ones that stand out to us are the ones that had really important meaning to the story itself, like Wingardium Leviosa, like the Polyjuice Potion, like the Patronus Charm.

Eric: Just in service to the story. I mean, look, I think that’s probably a function of the writing too. You’re not going to throw a lot of writing down on a page if it’s not going to have a story-based purpose. But I don’t know how charms work; I don’t know how transfiguration works. Potions, we at least get ingredients that are rooted in history of the historical uses of herbs and stuff that we’re familiar with for the most part, for the nonmagical ingredients. We probably know the most about Potions. Anything else, we don’t even see ever what… we haven’t been to another Firenze class in Divination since the first one. We really… and Ron, at least, and Harry say, “Well, we were always going to fail the Divination one.” But still, yeah, there’s actually… a chapter like this just reminds me how little we actually ever really cracked into any of the subjects.

Stacy: Transfiguration, there is some theory that we get along the way when they talk about Gamp’s Law several times. So you can’t conjure food, or I don’t remember what some of the other ones were, but there were five or six things to Gamp’s Law that are basically the fundamental things within the field of Transfiguration, which, in theory, could then at least explain and exclude some of the other things.

Eric: You could build. Yeah, no, I like that a lot, and it’s important to have those basic, fundamental principles laid out. So I’m glad we get Gamp’s Law.

Micah: Yeah, I understand what you’re saying, Eric, but it’s also… my mind goes to… you’re not going to remember, “Oh, that moment that was pivotal to the plot, when Harry was getting his teacup to do cartwheels so that he could gain access to the Room of Requirement, because only the teacup doing cartwheels in front of the door would allow the door to…”

Eric: Oh my God.

Micah: I don’t know where I’m going with this.

Eric: It sounds like a side mission in one of the Harry Potter video games, to be honest. I would actually be into that.

Micah: Let’s talk about Defense Against the Dark Arts, because Harry gets thrown a bone here by Professor Tofty. A little bit of bonus action going on.

Andrew: I don’t like this.

Eric: Is this favoritism?

Micah: Oh, for sure.

Andrew: So at the end of Harry’s exam, Professor Tofty says, [in a low, raspy voice] “Hey, kid, I hear you can do a pretty nice Patronus. Want to show me?” And then he…

Laura: Why are you presenting this like Professor Tofty is running a drug operation?

[Micah laughs]

Eric: [in a low, raspy voice] “Hey, kid. Psst. Listen.”

Andrew: Let me get to my question. Let me get to my point. So Harry pulls it off tremendously well. Well done, Harry. But then Tofty awards him a bonus point for doing this Patronus. Are the other students being offered bonus points? This seems very unfair, and he’s playing favorites.

Eric and Micah: We’re not with the other students.

Eric: This speaks to what Draco was saying; it’s who you know, because Tofty knows somebody else at the Ministry who happened to tell him that Harry could do the Patronus, and Tofty, I think, very innocently, is just like, “Hey, I heard you could do this. For an extra point?” And it’s one of Harry’s most badass moments, because he looks straight at Umbridge, uses her as the source for his happy memory that has to conjure the Patronus, and then wows everybody. But what I’m thinking in this moment: You’re in a room full of all these other kids that have been to Dumbledore’s Army, and all of them learned full Patronuses, so to see Harry get extra credit for being able to do something that they could do, but they don’t get asked to do?

Laura: But he taught them.

Eric: Yeah, he taught them.

Laura: That’s what makes it special, is not only can he do that, he taught a bunch of his peers how to do something that’s kind of advanced.

Eric: You don’t think some of them could use the extra credit a little more?

Stacy: I was going to say, it’s the one class Harry doesn’t need the extra credit in.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: Maybe he can transfer that bonus point.

Eric: He walks out of there going, “That’s what it feels like to get an Outstanding.”

Andrew: “To crush it.”

Laura: Yeah, he’s like, “Can I carry that bonus point over to Potions, please?” I do wonder how much one bonus point moves the needle, though, because this is Harry’s best subject already. I think he would have gotten an O on this OWL if he hadn’t done the Patronus, so I’m just like, “How much did this bonus point actually influence things?” But I agree; it definitely is favoritism. It’s not fair, and I feel like the only way to be fair about this would be if Tofty was just doing this with every student he examined, finding a way to offer them a bonus point, and it just so happens…

Andrew: [laughs] And that seems unlikely, right?

Laura: Yeah, he’s not.

Micah: I think it’s also meant to be a demonstration of power, though, on Harry’s part, because he’s conjuring it because he’s looking right at Umbridge, and that has a lot of meaning, and it could also even be a little bit of foreshadowing, because of what happens in Deathly Hallows when he confronts her at the Ministry and has to use the Patronus Charm to escape.

Eric: Oh!

Andrew: True.

Eric: I was even thinking about just the next chapters, when we find out that Umbridge was the one that sent the Dementors to Little Whinging.

Micah: Oh, that too, yeah.

Eric: So the fact that Harry conjures a Patronus in front of her, and that’s what helped him escape what she did at the beginning of this book.

Laura: Ooh, that’s really nice.

Micah: Nice.

Eric: Yeah, so actually, it’s nice that this was brought up again in the writing.

Micah: And Eric, you mentioned Potions and the Polyjuice Potion, which of course is a nice throwback to Chamber of Secrets. But Harry, actually, during this entire process, feels pretty good, and the reason why is because Snape is not in the room. And this is now at least the second time in this book that we’ve heard about Harry performing better when he hasn’t had Snape breathing down his neck.

Andrew: Yeah, and this also reminds me of what happened last chapter with Ron not having his brothers at the Quidditch game, and he performed a lot better because he was less stressed.

Micah: Yeah, it’s a great comparison there.

Eric: Yeah, hostile learning environments are a thing, and it’s amazing how much pressure is off just when Snape is not around.

Micah: It is interesting to me, though, that Umbridge was allowed to be in Harry’s DADA OWL, but Snape is not present for the Potions OWL.

Eric: Maybe Umbridge thinks she’s there to intimidate, and Snape just can’t be screwed. He’s got other places to be.

Andrew: [imitating Snape] “I don’t want to see that.”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Yeah, because do any of the other professors turn up?

Micah: Not that I remember reading offhand. Maybe the Discord can keep us honest.

Laura: Yeah, fact check us.

Eric: We don’t even hear about…

Andrew: At least when it comes to Snape, Snape is probably still fuming about what happened a few chapters ago with the memories.

Eric: Probably.

Laura: Well… oh man, this is a fun connection. The memory that he’s super ticked off that Harry saw took place during these very same exams…

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Laura: … so it might be even triggering for him to put himself in that environment with Harry.

Andrew: He’ll think he’s seeing James again.

Eric: Wow.

Micah: So a few other OWLs just to mention, but nothing really major happens during these exams. Care of Magical Creatures, Divination, Herbology. Harry thinks he did relatively well, I would say, in both Care of Magical Creatures and Herbology. But somebody mentioned earlier that – I think it was you, Eric – Ron and Harry both know that they flunked Divination, and they’re excited… that’s another thing too; do we remember from school when we took an exam and we’re like, “Oh, thank God we’re done with this subject; we don’t have to take it again next year”?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yep, 100%.

Micah: That’s basically Divination for Ron and for Harry.

[Ad break]

Micah: So let’s head up to the Astronomy Tower. It’s a important place to be, right?

Andrew: [imitating Trelawney] “Yes, it’s a very, very important lesson, Micah!”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: I couldn’t tell…

Micah: Dumbledore, where have you been?

Andrew: That was Trelawney!

Micah: Oh. [laughs]

Eric: Well, I couldn’t… because it’s the Astronomy Tower. You could get either person up there.

Laura: Right.

Eric: I was expecting… I don’t know what I was expecting, but that was lovely.

Micah: The Astronomy OWL needs to be done at nighttime, for obvious reasons, and the students who are up there taking their exams are witnessing quite the scene taking place down on the Hogwarts grounds, because Umbridge, under the cover of night, decides that she is going to surprise attack Hagrid and do it with a number of Ministry officials in tow.

Eric: I feel like whenever you see government officials, which is what Umbridge has with her – Dawlish and a couple others are named – but whenever you see people acting in this manner, it suggests that they don’t have the law on their side, or that it would be bad for optics if they were to do it in broad daylight, and Harry suspects that Umbridge doesn’t want to cause a public school scene the way that she did with Trelawney’s sacking. So that alone could be the reason for this, because she presumably is within her rights, especially as High Inquisitor now and Headmistress, to fire Hagrid. But the darkness covering thing is very concerning from that standpoint.

Andrew: Maybe this is a bit of a crackpot theory, but I was wondering if Umbridge purposely wanted to do this at this time, because she knew Harry would be taking his Astronomy OWL at this time, so she gets to A, distract him while taking one of his tests, and then B, she makes him sort of witness the sacking of Hagrid.

Laura: Yeah. Oh, and it’s so insidious, too, because she is actively trying to undermine Harry at every turn, so she wants to put him in a position where he’s the boy who cried wolf, right? And so nobody will believe him. And I think they’re also assuming, on the basis of Hagrid’s giant background, that most people aren’t going to care that much that he’s gone missing, and I think they’re assuming that people aren’t going to think that much about it if it’s done quietly.

Eric: I think the insidious part is that they’re sneaking up on Hagrid after a long day of work. He’s probably kicked back; he’s probably had a few…

Micah: And it’s after midnight.

Eric: It’s after midnight!

Laura: It’s by design.

Andrew: [singing “After Midnight” by Eric Clapton] “After midnight…”

Eric: They show up and there’s six… [singing “After Midnight” by Eric Clapton] “We’re gonna let it all hang down.”

Andrew: “Hagrid’s gonna put a few down.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Micah: Hagrid already did. Oh, you were talking about people, okay.

Andrew: No, drinks.

Micah: Oh.

Laura: [laughs] Well, he does that too.

Eric: But think about how much… look, this isn’t smart for them. They should have known this wasn’t smart for them. They’re cornering a man who’s half-giant. I know this whole thing is race-based and motivated to begin with, but they’re cornering this guy, there’s six of them – that’s an escalation tactic right there – and they’re surprising him, and they’re going to take his job away. He’s been doing this job for decades. They’re just going to come in the middle of the night, take it away, not proper… that is garbage. It’s of course going to cause a ruckus and a problem for all of them. It’s also just friggin’ cruel.

Laura: I think it’s also a commentary on people who are power-hungry, but very unqualified – extremely under-qualified – to be in the positions that they’re in finding out while they’re on the ground that they’re in over their heads. Because did not one of these people think, “Oh, well, if he’s half-giant, we can’t just attack him the way that we would attack a human,” right?

Eric: Right.

Micah: But Hagrid knew that the sack was coming, so that’s really where I… the whole bringing Ministry officials makes me think that possibly they’re trying to get more information out of him, maybe about Dumbledore, maybe about the Order.

Eric: That’s a good inclination, because I think that what would have escalated it was not the sack, because Hagrid was expecting it. What would have escalated it is clearly how racist or inappropriate something Umbridge says would be, right? During the actual confrontation, there would have been an additional… I think you’re exactly right; there would have to be an additional component to what’s going on. We just don’t see it.

Micah: And as you point out, Eric, this is in June. There’s no reason really to fire him right now.

Eric: Why even fire him?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, no, that’s the only weird thing.

Andrew: That ties into my crackpot theory, I think.

Eric: Yeah, well, right. A separate way of making Harry feel more isolated. But he’s got, like, two tests left; then you’re just done until the Hogwarts Express picks you up and takes you home. It’s almost pointless to remove Hagrid at this juncture. It’s a clever way to get McGonagall out of the picture for what has to come next, but beyond that…

Stacy: And really, that was kind of an accident. They didn’t expect her to follow them out.

Eric: Yeah, but I’m saying plot-wise, she can’t be here as a refuge for Harry, and so it’s just… because otherwise, again, Hagrid barely had a week’s worth of lessons left to teach. I understand the cruelty is the point, but it’s not really adding up why Umbridge would raise the resources when he’s going to be out of her hair, or she can just not invite him back. Over the summer break she could have fired him.

Micah: I like what Ariane Beth said in the Discord; it feels more like an arrest. And for Hagrid, there’s never been proof against him. You think back on all the times the Ministry has come knocking at his door. They’ve never actually had evidence to arrest him, to send him to Azkaban…

Eric: And that’s another… well, but they would be the same exact people that cite his previous suspicion of criminality and use it against him, right?

Andrew: So I guess this is a good reason for him to resist arrest, but I do wonder if Hagrid should have gone peacefully, because I feel like this temper that he has and this resistance that he’s putting on risks Umbridge trying to raise a point about Hagrid, and more broadly, half-giants being a danger to the everyday witch or wizard or students at the school.

Micah: I wouldn’t be surprised.

Eric: Yeah, it’s an impossible situation.

Laura: Yeah, but I also feel like she’s going to do that anyway. I don’t think she needs an excuse.

Eric: Well, but they attack the dog. Fang gets Stunned. Like, come on.

Laura: No, for real. Some bodies would be hitting the floor; that’s all I’m saying.

Andrew: What do you think, Stacy?

Stacy: I think we kind of covered most of what I was thinking, that it’s one thing if you know it’s coming and they just politely come and knock on your door and say, “Hey, we’re actually doing this now.” But to basically ambush somebody, and then, yeah, it is almost like an arrest. It’s different to say, “Hey, you’re fired,” versus “Hey, we’re going to take your boss plus six police officers to come fire you.” And then I think the, I guess, violence that Hagrid shows really escalates, though, after McGonagall comes out and gets injured herself.

Eric: It is possible that they did want to do more than just fire him, that they tried questioning, or suggested he would go to Azkaban or something. Because Aurors, who are like wizard cops, are pretty much the ones that would take you to Azkaban. And if Umbridge suspects that Hagrid put the Nifflers in… there’s probably more going on than what we see or ever learn about.

Micah: Feels like the Nifflers are small potatoes in this larger issue.

Eric: They are small potatoes. They’re little, dumpling-sized creatures. It’s really lovely.

Micah: Oh. Do you make Niffler dumplings?

Eric: Yeah. I mean, no. No, no, no. And you don’t eat stoat either, because that’s my Patronus.

Micah: [laughs] And it is impressive to watch the physical nature of Hagrid in this chapter, because he is able to take out pretty much everybody, with the exception of one Auror who, I think, trips over his fallen mate, and Umbridge. So the last episode that we did this chapter, I think you said, was called “Hagrid’s Punch Out.”

[Eric laughs]

Micah: So that’s what is the reference here. But again…

Eric: It’s also like punching out on the clock. You clock in and clock out. You punch out.

Micah: Oh, okay.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It was his last day. It was so clever. [laughs]

Micah: But it shows just the sheer strength of Hagrid, because this is the third example now that we’ve gotten. He broke up the fight that Grawp was in, he rescued Firenze from the centaurs, and now… I mean, humans are nothing compared to centaurs and giants. You just chuck them like potatoes.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: But as mentioned, McGonagall does get injured in this melee, and that is important for later on, as events start to unfold. And the group is up late at night because of everything that has transpired with Hagrid, and they’re talking till the early morning hours, and Harry has probably his most boring exam that day now, which is History of Magic. And you ever get into a warm classroom and your professor is just drawling on? In this case you’re taking an exam, there’s probably lots of words to read, and you just… your eyes start drooping, and before you know it, you’re out cold. And that’s exactly what happens to Harry, and we have the payoff for him not taking his Occlumency lessons – which is mentioned at the beginning of this chapter again – for the last several weeks. This is the payoff now, because Harry has this vision of Voldemort, who has Sirius in the Department of Mysteries, he’s in pretty bad shape, and he’s being tortured by the Cruciatus Curse. At least, that’s what we’re led to believe.

Eric: I wonder why Harry doesn’t have a larger scrutiny. I think what causes Harry to get in action right away – and this is based on the information Voldemort has been able to obtain from Kreacher and Sirius about the connection that Sirius and Harry share – is the torturing Sirius part. This is what makes Harry have to act, and act fast and do less thinking, and it’s a shame because I think Harry would be less inclined somehow, or less urgent about saving Sirius from being tortured, if on some level Sirius had not, in fact, been being tortured all year by not being let out of his own house. I think there’s this extra component of, yeah, he wants to save Sirius; Sirius is being tortured by Voldemort. But Harry particularly feels Sirius’s pain throughout the year, and I think there’s some element of that buildup where now he’s just going to be killed? Now he’s going to be tortured and killed by Voldemort? Oh, hell no. I think that the whole year Sirius has had all of this suffering, and then that kind of imbues Harry with a little bit more… even more urgency than he would normally have. Does that make any sense?

Andrew: Yes. Plus, Harry was right about Arthur; that really happened, so he has no reason to doubt this vision as well. And as we not-so-jokingly like to say on the show, Harry has a saving people thing. This is what he does. [laughs] He got this vision…

Eric: I can’t wait to talk about that next week when it comes up, but yeah. Or not next week. We’ll talk… yeah.

Micah: And all of his safety nets have been removed now, right? McGonagall is in the infirmary. Hagrid is gone. Dumbledore is gone. And we talked about this in prior episodes, but the last thing he wants to do now is potentially lose Sirius on top of it all, and he’s got nobody to go to that he can trust. Even Snape is pissed off at him. So what’s frustrating about all this is you could have had somebody like Dumbledore just say, “Harry, if you start to have visions, let me know.”

Eric: “And here’s a way to do that,” yeah.

Micah: “And send me an owl; it will find me. Send me Hedwig; she will find me.”

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Micah: And none of that happens.

Laura: But again, I think his excuse is always that he’s afraid Voldemort will find out. Because if he’s able to break into Harry’s mind and see…

Micah: Oh, he’s 150 years old. He needs to put on his big boy pants already, okay?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: He’s faced worse than Voldemort, presumably.

Eric: Well, the thing is, he directly faces Voldemort in a couple chapters from now, so it couldn’t be worse facing Harry as Voldemort or whatever would be.

Micah: So I thought it would be fun to wrap up just asking, what would Harry’s post-exam life look like if he didn’t have a Dark Lord inside of his head? Because this is his last test. We all remember what it’s like to get to that last exam, and then school’s out for summer, right? You think he would be able to enjoy himself down by the lake.

Andrew: [singing] “Summertime, and the living’s easy.”

Micah: But not in his case, unfortunately.

Andrew: No. He never gets a break.

Laura: Well, and there would usually.. if you were on a campus, there was usually last day of exams parties, right, that everyone would go to?

Stacy: Hogsmeade trip.

Eric: Yeah, we had something called Field Day, and it was athletics. We split into two teams. But I think that all happened at the end of the year. It was just fun relays and exercise, like an outdoor day.

Laura: That was because they had to maintain a certain number of school days for the calendar year to secure all their funding, and they didn’t have enough content to actually be teaching you anything for all those days, which is why you have all of those kind of BS days towards the end of the school year.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: Oh, TV cart days. Huh. Wow, that was a funding issue? We lucked out.


Odds & Ends


Micah: Couple of odds and ends: There was a interesting quote when Ron was going through his “I went left, and I went right…”

Eric: Whose left? Whose right?

Micah: [laughs] He says, “Did you see the look on Chang’s face when Ginny got the Snitch right out from under her nose?” And I wondered if this was a reference to Harry, possibly.

Eric: Like in the way that it would have been Harry having to face off with her if he wasn’t banned?

Micah: No, like Ginny stole Harry right from under Cho’s nose.

Eric: Oh!

Andrew: [laughs] Maybe.

Eric: Did she? Yeah, maybe.

Stacy: I was going to say, I think there was a Slytherin match where he basically took the Snitch right out from under Draco’s nose.

Andrew: That was my first inclination.

Eric: It’s got to be something that happens fairly often as Seekers, because you’re both probably pretty good at seeing the Snitch, so then you both dive for it, and you are always in close…

Andrew: Once one person is pursuing it, the other person just catches up, as we’ve seen in the books.

Micah: Yeah, I thought it was more of a romantic hint.

Laura: I think it is.

Eric: Harry is kind of a jerk too. He’s like, “What, did she cry?”

Micah: “Yeah, she did.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: But I also love how we’re already back on last name terms about Cho. I mean, she and Harry just broke up, whatever the breakup equivalent is for this relationship. But I mean, y’all were just making out in the Room of Requirement a few months ago.

Andrew: But that was also her friend who busted Dumbledore’s Army, so we’re back to acting like we don’t even know her.

Eric: And remember, Laura, she’s a Tornadoes supporter…

Laura: Oh, right.

Eric: … and she’s a bandwagoner, and only started liking them right when they were popular, and so it’s okay to just dehumanize people like that.

Laura: Of course.

Andrew: One more odd and end: Y’all know I like looking out for the numbers 7 and 12 across the series, because they come out a lot. This might be a bit of a stretch, but while Harry and company are taking their OWL on top of the Astronomy Tower, they’re watching Hagrid fight the Ministry, and Professor Tofty reminds the students that there’s only 16 minutes left to take their exam.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: 16. What’s 16?

Andrew: Now, yes, that’s not the number 7 or 12, but 1 plus 6 equals 7.

Eric: Oh my God.

Andrew: This might be a bit of Taylor Swift-y level theorizing here, but this is another 7 reference, in my humble opinion. Because why 16 minutes? Why? Because 1 plus 6 equals 7. Thank you.

Micah: There you go.


Superlative of the Week


Micah: All right, for our MVP this week, we asked what OWL would we most like to sit? After going through this whole experience with Harry.

Andrew: Transfiguration seems fun. I like the idea of turning one object into another object, so yeah, I think that one. And like Eric was alluding to earlier, we could learn a lot more about it, so I would like to get into the nitty gritty of Transfiguration.

Eric: Presumably we’d learn a lot more about it before the OWL takes place, and then be reasonably competent by the… but yeah, I think honestly, Potions would be a lot of fun to sit, because I think it would be a subject where I could memorize what types of herbs and things and how they work, and so I feel like I would have a pretty good grasp of it. It feels like something you can touch and work with.

Laura: I would go with Care of Magical Creatures. I just love animals anyway, and I do tend to agree with Hagrid that there are a lot of animals out there that are misunderstood, so I think that I would have the right attitude towards that. But also just reading about that exam, it’s literally just Harry showing that he knows how to take care of the animals…

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Laura: … so I’m like, “That sounds easy, and fun.”

Eric: If you don’t kill these living things… well, like in the Herbology one, never give me plants, because they’ll die. They’ll be dead by the end of class. [laughs]

Micah: I went with Defense Against the Dark Arts. Just seems like a very cool subject. And I’d try and cast Patronus for an extra point.

Andrew: Would you do it in front of Umbridge? Or would you be nervous?

Micah: Oh, no, same as Harry. I’d look straight at her…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Nice.

Micah: … conjure a nice, happy memory, and I’d have my Patronus attack her, though.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: I think mine’s a sparrow hawk.

Andrew: Ooh.

Eric: That’s cool.

Stacy: Way more aggressive than a shrew.

[Andrew laughs]

Stacy: I would say Charms, because it seems like it’s the most day-to-day applicable.

Andrew: Good point. Classic magic.


Lynx Line


Micah: And we also asked our patrons over on the Lynx Line this week: After Harry overhears Professor Marchbanks tell Professor Umbridge that Dumbledore “did things with a wand I’d never seen before,” we wanted to know, what kinds of things do you imagine Dumbledore doing to impress the examiners?

Andrew: Oh, brother.

Eric: I love this question.

Micah: This was too easy.

Andrew: Micah, get your mind out of the gutter.

Micah: Do you see how that question is phrased? “What kinds of things do you imagine Dumbledore doing to impress the examiners?” I didn’t say…

Andrew: [laughs] You all see Micah pointing at the question right now?

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: He pointed at his screen. I’ve never seen somebody do that before.

Micah: I kept it PC. I could have said “inappropriate answers only,” although we did get some.

Andrew: Well, our listeners know you, and you know our listeners, so yes, we did get some inappropriate ones.

Micah: That’s fair.

Andrew: But here’s a wholesome one from Carlee. She said, “Conducted an imaginary choir and orchestra, and all of a sudden the Great Hall was filled with sound!” Ahh.

Micah: You see the imagination that our patrons have?

Andrew: All right, now parents, turn off the show for the rest of these. I’m kidding.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: I think I got a dirty one, you guys. It says, from Kayla, “He’s able to control the trajectory and force of which stuff comes out of his wand with perfect precision that many men should be jealous of.” I’m just confused, honestly. I feel like I’ll never be young again and innocent after reading that.

Micah: Well, along those lines, James says, “I’m sure Albus showed Gellert many things he could do with his wand. Wink, wink.”

Laura: Our next one is from Kim, who says, “Since he likes knitting sock patterns, he used his wand to knit three pairs of socks simultaneously while singing Rule Britannia,” which, I just searched for this in Google because I don’t know what it is. It is a British patriotic song with lyrics from a poem by James Thompson. Hmm, maybe a relative?

Eric: Isn’t it the, [hums “Rule Britannia”]?

Andrew: Oh.

Laura: Yeah, I think that is right.

Micah: Now knit those socks, Eric, at the same time.

Stacy: Zachary said,

“He was able to nonverbally use the Imperius Curse on all the examiners to get top marks. The wand was just a prop. However, this wasn’t enough, and his ego took over so much that he ended up placing the curse on everyone he came in contact with during his life. Dumby gets what Dumby wants.”

Andrew: [laughs] Rachel said, “Produced a second wand, used them as chopsticks to eat sushi, and performed wandless magic to scrub the windows in the Great Hall.” Wow. Very specific, Rachel.

Eric: Sarah says, “Baton twirling, obviously.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Yeah, the wands are probably pretty well balanced.

Micah: Robert said, “He rewrote the timeline so he would teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, and McGonagall would be born decades before she should have been.” A reference to the Fantastic Beasts series.

Laura: Very nice. And rounding us out here, Justin said, [laughs] “Turn around like he’s Michael Scott, stick it out from under his robes, then turn back around and shoot out white sparks. This is all inspired by the emoji you added to the end of the question.” What emoji?

Micah: Andrew, what emoji did you add at the end of the question?

Andrew: Oh, I added the smirk emoji, so I guess I am to blame for some of the…

Laura: Ahhh.

Micah: Oh, point that finger back in your direction.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: That was fun.

Andrew: The Lynx Line is a great way to have your voice heard on the show, whether or not you are listening live. We ask a new question every week, and we invite you to become a member of our community by visiting Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledging for as little as $5 a month. And if you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. Next week, we will be off because it is the Fourth of July holiday here in the United States, but we will be releasing a bonus MuggleCast from our archives for your listening pleasure, and we’ll be back the following week with the next chapter of Order of the Phoenix. If you enjoy the bonus material that you hear next week, please do visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast to get hundreds more installments! Hundreds! We’ve been at this for years, with hundreds more to come. And while you’re barbecuing over the grill this Fourth of July and you’re looking for more podcasting content from the four of us, check out What the Hype?! and Millennial for more pop culture and real world talk.


Quizzitch


Andrew: Now it’s time for Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s Quizzitch question: What wrestler, who stood at a giant height of seven feet four inches, was also an actor, starring in a film that featured not a Forbidden Forest but a Fire Swamp? The correct answer, of course, was Andre the Giant, from The Princess Bride. And 81% of people with the correct answer did not look this up; it was an easy one. But I was very happy to see that, and these names, you guys, very exciting. Correct answers were submitted by Acromantulas, Forbidden Forest Version of Rodents of Unusual Size; Amelia the Giant; Draco’s Etsy Badge Shop; Grawp’s Uprooted Trees; Hello, my name is Molly Weasley, you tried to kill my Ginny, prepare to die, bitch…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: … Hermione Green-ger; Homeschool Hufflepuff; I don’t know wrestling, oh hey, I think I know this one, inconceivable!; OWL be back; Only here for Micah’s daddy jokes; PracticallyMagic; RavenBele is ready for the OWLs; Snape Snitched; The Dread Pirate Ravenclaw; The Princess Bort; Whizzle Snape; You are the Brute Squad?; and Tofu Tom. Love the Princess Bort.

Micah: Daddy jokes, I think, are different than dad jokes, aren’t they? Like, that’s a different type…

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Laura: Yes.

Eric: You’ve got to branch off into… no, you don’t. No.

[Micah laughs]

Laura: See, Micah, the daddy jokes are for the Only Fans.

Micah: Oh, okay. For the bonus MuggleCast.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Anyway, here is next week’s Quizzitch question: Harry struggles to name all of the moons of Jupiter for his Astronomy OWL. Which of the following is not one of Jupiter’s moons? There are 97. Io, Metis, Europa, Ganymede, Calypso, Themisto, Pandia, and S/2003 J2. So it’s all written out on the Quizzitch form, which you may find helpful. Go over to the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com, and click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav, or go to MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch to participate in this two week-long Quizzitch question. Time to study up on Jupiter’s moons, y’all.

Andrew: Stacy, thank you so much for joining us on the podcast today! We appreciate your support and all your contributions to today’s episode.

Stacy: Thanks for having me. It was a lot of fun.

Andrew: Good luck with growing your wand collection. Keep us posted. We should see if other listeners… we should have a contest; who has the most wands amongst our audience? I’m sure you would be up there, Stacy. Thanks, everyone, for listening. Don’t forget to leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, and please do tell a friend about the show. Have a great Fourth of July holiday, too, if you are in America. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Stacy: And I’m Stacy.

Andrew: Bye, everyone.

Laura: Bye, y’all.

Micah and Stacy: Bye.

Transcript #710

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #710, Forbidden Forest Free For All (OOTP Chapter 30, ‘Grawp’)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Micah Tannenbaum: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Micah.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Micah: We’re your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books, movies, and upcoming TV show. Make sure you follow us in your favorite podcast app; that way you’ll never miss an episode. And this week, grab your crossbow and be ready to be irresponsibly brought into the Forbidden Forest to risk death. We’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 30, “Grawp.”

Eric: Micah, I see in the show planning doc this image that I forgot, and I’m so grateful that it exists, but it seems like you’ve actually met Grawp before.

Micah: You know, I did. I had the opportunity to meet Grawp a couple years ago. He was in Westchester, New York when I went to the Harry Potter: A Forbidden Forest Experience, and it was just so nice to bump into him. He had horrible breath, by the way.

Eric: [laughs] What’s terrifying about this photo… and you look very cute in your earmuffs, because I assume this was the outdoor event, the partially…

Micah: It’s outdoors, yes. It was a little chilly when I went.

Eric: But Grawp, who’s behind you and just absolutely towering behind you, has very large ears and no earmuffs, and it makes me a little concerned that Grawp’s ears need protection too.

Micah: They’re giant ears, though, so perhaps they’re self-warming.

Eric: Yeah, I think so.

Laura: Perhaps.

Eric: But yeah, what a lovely, terrifying photo to see at the top of the document.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: And I shared it in our Discord as well. And I would say that if folks haven’t had the opportunity, and this is something that’s showing up in their neck of the woods – there’s a dad joke for you – definitely go and check it out.

Eric: Which part, neck?

Micah: The woods. Neck of the woods. Get it?

Eric: Neck of the woods? No, I don’t.

Micah: Forbidden Forest? Woods? Honestly, though, I did mention his breath. So it’s animatronic, and as you walk by, there’s this nasty mist that comes out of Grawp’s mouth. I’m not sure why they decided to do that, but this was in between breath mints for Grawp.

Eric: Oh, I’m sorry you had to…

Laura: He hasn’t met that special someone yet, so he hasn’t discovered the importance of hygiene.

Eric: [laughs] You guys, I wonder how many proposals take place in front of Grawp.

Laura: [laughs] In front of Grawp! “Will you marry -?” and then Grawp is like, [exhales].

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: Oh, we’re feeling loopy tonight, everybody.

Micah: We are. It’s because we’re without our fearless leader, who has been attacked by the Interwebs, unfortunately. He will be back next week.

Laura: Yeah, the Internet gods decided that Andrew would not be able to join us for today’s show, so buckle up, everyone.

Eric: We’re rudderless.

Laura: You just get us. [laughs]

Micah: So before we get to Chapter by Chapter, just a couple of important reminders. If you love MuggleCast and want to help us keep this show running smoothly so we don’t have to do smuggle contraband into the Forbidden Forest to get by, we invite you to become a member of our community at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. By supporting us there, you’ll get instant access to two bonus MuggleCast episodes every month, ad-free episodes, access to our recording studio by way of livestreams, a personal “Thank you” message from one of the four of us, and so much more. If you’re looking for other ways to support us, visit MuggleCastMerch.com to buy official gear, leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, and tell a friend about the show. Speaking of show gear, this is our 19th anniversary of podcasting, and in our overstock store, we also have MuggleCast’s “19 Years Later” T-shirts available for purchase. These are only available while supplies last, so visit MuggleMillennial.etsy.com to grab yours, and of course, visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all of this information and lots more, like our contact form.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Micah: But now it is time for Chapter by Chapter of Order of the Phoenix Chapter 30, “Grawp.”

Eric: Which we last discussed on Episode 467 of MuggleCast. The title of that episode was “Stranger Danger,” based on a Rename the Chapter segment from Andrew, and it aired on June 2, 2020. Here’s a clip from that episode.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 467.

Andrew: It’s also worth asking, how does introducing this giant upset the ecosystem in the forest?

Laura: And it does.

Eric: Oh, horribly, horribly. It only takes Grawp a couple of seconds to rip up entire trees that have been growing there for 40 or 50 years, or 150 years.

Andrew: Probably longer, yeah.

Eric: So it’s absolutely just the most… extremely disruptive.

Laura: Harry even notes it. When they’re walking into the forest, he notes the distinct lack of creatures. He’s like, “Usually we would have seen something by now, but there’s nothing.”

Micah: Right.

Andrew: Well, they were all the Quidditch match. That was why.

Eric: Sports!

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Micah: They were watching…

Laura: All the creatures went to the Quidditch match. [laughs]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Laura: I love that theory about all the creatures in the forest going to the Quidditch match. It’s very chaotic. And while I don’t think that’s actually what happened, I think…

Eric: Oh, what? Are you kidding me?

[Laura laughs]

Eric: They heard that Ron was having some bad luck, and so they all decided they’re going to band together, and that’s what encouraged Ron…

Laura: And go support him. Oh, man.

Eric: Yeah, in solidarity.

Laura: They changed the lyrics to “Weasley Is Our King.” I get it now.

[Eric laughs]


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Laura: But I was going to say it kind of matches the chaotic energy that we see at the beginning of this chapter.

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Laura: We spoke last week about how the school was starting to try and gum up the works for Umbridge and not make her new job as headmistress very pleasant, and it seems like in the wake of Fred and George’s monumental departure from Hogwarts last chapter, the students, the professors, Peeves, pretty much anyone who can do something to keep the resistance alive is doing something to keep the resistance alive. It really feels like Fred and George gave everyone the motivation to be able to do that. It’s like them departing Hogwarts did something to the student body.

Eric: Yeah, they led by example in just the coolest way. They made this swamp that’s so extra, and they were cheeky. They did all these things. It’s the stuff of Hogwarts legend, it’s said in this chapter, or soon to be. And I think sometimes it does just take a leader to show you… yeah, all the students could always have been doing something like this, but it’s almost that permission, or “Oh yeah, we do have it within our power to act out. We may not be able to make a cool swamp like this, but we have the ability and can get creative with it,” which is what we see the rest of the student body pretty much doing.

Micah: It’s also a bit of “You reap what you sow” for Umbridge. She’s been putting out all of these Educational Decrees throughout the course of the school year, and she’s finally gotten to a place where she has gotten what she wanted. She’s assumed full control over the school, but she really has absolutely no idea about how to control the students, or how to rule the school. She wants the position so badly, but now that she’s actually in it, she has no clue about how to run Hogwarts. And this is a natural reaction by not just the student body, but some of the professors as well, who have been under her control now. And as you said, Fred and George really have given the rest of the student body, the faculty, and even some of the ghosts and the poltergeist to have free reign, giving them permission, almost, to revolt.

Laura: Totally. And I think what’s really interesting is looking at Peeves’s behavior in this chapter, because Peeves seems like he’s really been let off his leash, and I think that’s a consequence of obviously the directive Fred and George gave him last chapter, but I think it’s also the lack of Dumbledore at the helm of Hogwarts. I think now that Peeves knows there’s no one there to actually keep him in line, he’s completely acting out, and also showing that Filch was never the person who would have been able to keep Peeves in line, no matter what. It was really Dumbledore.

Eric: Yeah, and speaking of Filch, too, we see him having to ferry students across the little moat of Fred and George’s, which is just so time-consuming, and he can’t get to all those other tasks. I wanted to ask the question: Do we think Filch is starting to maybe have some buyer’s remorse about Umbridge? He’s been so gung ho because she made him these promises we talked about an episode or two ago, like whipping, the capital punishments coming back. We don’t really see that employed in this chapter, either. And there’s four successive classes of detention; we don’t hear about them all getting whipped, so she hasn’t done that. She hasn’t expelled Peeves. She was going to write to the Minister and have that be all settled; Filch was looking really forward to it. The fact that she didn’t even do any of her day one promises… do we think that Filch is now like, “I wish I had Dumbledore back”?

Laura: Man, interesting. I don’t know if he would admit that to himself or to anyone else, but I mean, at the very least, right now Filch should be going, “Hey, wait a second. Whose side are you on?”

Eric: [laughs] Yeah, his day to day is objectively worse than it was when Dumbledore was in charge.

Laura: Yeah. And the other thing is, too, Filch… I don’t know that he will have realized this at this point, but Umbridge considers him an ally for now, while he’s convenient, but he’s a Squib, and we know how Umbridge feels about blood status, so I think we can presume that had Umbridge been allowed to continue her authoritarian reign at Hogwarts for years and years, Filch probably wouldn’t get to hold on to his position.

Micah: No.

Laura: We just don’t get to see that happen.

Eric: Right, she would have let him go. She would have said, “You’re no longer useful,” whatever, and then gotten somebody who had magic, like the Carrows, and gotten them to do the job.

Micah: Well, she needs as many allies as she can get at this point, because it’s really down to Filch and the Inquisitorial Squad. But I do really like what you said, Laura, because it made me think about how Umbridge, her backstory, she had a Squib for a brother, and how that impacted her family dynamics and her decision to really separate with her father initially; her brother went off with her mother. And then she eventually was able to rise through the ranks in the Ministry, but only at the expense of her father, who was in a position at the Ministry… I think he was what would be considered a janitor there, so she didn’t look very favorably upon him, and she wanted to get him out of the way as quickly as possible so that her name wasn’t mud as she was rising in the ranks there. But I totally agree; if she were to find out about Filch… we don’t know that she knows that Filch is a Squib. If she did, the likelihood of her relying upon him would probably not be as great as it is in this book.

Laura: Oooh, that’s a good point, because she does tell him last chapter not to Stun the fireworks.

Eric: Right, he gets close, and he’s like, “Okay.” [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, yeah. And Harry is like, “Does she not know?” So yeah, it is a good point. She might be making the assumption that Hogwarts would never hire somebody who didn’t at least have some amount of magical blood, as Umbridge would see it.

Eric: Because she wouldn’t ever hire anybody who… yeah, yeah.

Laura: Right, totally.

Eric: Yep. Filch was a diversity hire.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: I’m surprised we didn’t talk about… the clip that you chose, Eric, was not the punting clip from the last time we did this, because we had no idea what punting is.

Eric: Honestly, Micah, I’m sick to death of us pointing that out. [laughs] It’s like… Andrew is here!

Laura: [gasps] Oh my God, has a wild Andrew appeared?

Micah: Oh, wow.

Eric: Wait a minute!

Laura: Oh my God, Andrew Sims has joined the studio.

Eric: Did the state of Nevada suddenly fix their Internet?

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Thanks to Reddit, I figured out how to get around it. Apparently Quantum Fiber’s DNS is down, so if you switch to Google’s DNS through your router, it gets working again.

Laura: Ahh, man.

Eric: I knew some of those words!

Andrew: I’m running through Google tubes right now, as opposed to CenturyLink’s tubes. So yes, hello.

Laura: We were talking about Filch feeling some buyer’s remorse, because we’re already seeing pretty early on that he’s not getting any of what Umbridge has promised him, and that, I think, dovetails really nicely into the punting conversation. Of course, five years ago, we were all laughing because – stupid Americans – we were like, “Is Filch drop-kicking the students across this moat?”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: And our UK listeners were like, “No, no, he’s boating them across. He’s got a little boat. He’s sailing them across the moat.” Makes way more sense.

Micah: Captain Filch.

Laura: Oh, yeah! He has another…

Eric: Is that like Captain Toad in the Mario games?

Laura: Could be.

Andrew: Captain Filch would totally be a pirate. That reminds me of a pirate.

Laura: Well, speaking of the chaos reigning at Hogwarts – because it’s not just Peeves driving it – someone put a Niffler in Umbridge’s office, and it completely destroys her office, upends it looking for shinies and jewels and all the things that we know that Nifflers want to find. But I will admit that when I was reading this chapter, I wondered to myself, “Which character was it that put the Niffler in Umbridge’s office?” We know that she automatically jumps to the assumption that it must be Hagrid because it’s a creature, but we know it’s probably not Hagrid. But as I was reading, I was like, “I really can’t remember who it was,” so I thought it would be fun for us to talk about if we don’t know who it is as readers, who at this point in the story do we think is most likely? And then at the end we can reveal who the actual perpetrator was and see if we think our guesses would have been better.

Andrew: I can’t wait to find that out, because a couple of us didn’t know, which is why this is in here to begin with.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: I won’t name who. [in a low voice] I’m one of the people.

Laura: Hey, I didn’t know. I’m the one who asked the question. [laughs]

Andrew: I’m admitting too, yeah. I wouldn’t put it past Umbridge to frame Hagrid.

Eric: So she set the Niffler in her own office, which… okay.

Andrew: Yeah, and maybe she secretly likes Nifflers.

Eric: Aww.

Laura: Yeah, I could totally see it being a false flag type thing.

Andrew: Yeah. I mean, look at her love for cats. I could see her loving other cute little animals as well.

Eric: Yeah, I agree with that. I agree with that a lot.

Andrew: And she could set them up to steal gold for her, which also I would not put past her.

Eric: Oh, yeah. She needs more rings for her fingers. I decided to guess that the culprit was none other than the wife of the grandson of Newt Scamander himself, future wife. So maybe Luna and Rolf Scamander are writing letters or something; they’re sweet on one another, and they get to talking, “How can we disrupt Umbridge?” And it’s in fact with a Niffler, of course, which is Rolf’s idea, because his grandfather was always fond of them.

Micah: Yeah, I like that a lot, actually, and it would be a Ravenclaw getting up to no good. But I’m just thinking back to the prior chapter, “Career Advice”: McGonagall. She is just not happy with Umbridge; she hasn’t been this entire year, and I wouldn’t put it past her to slip a Niffler into Umbridge’s office.

Laura: Yeah, and I actually agreed with Eric; I also thought Luna. I could see Luna thinking this was such a harmless way to create chaos, because it’s a cute, snuggly little Niffler. What’s the worst it’s going to do? It’s going to mess up her office. Oh, well. I could see Luna doing that. But Micah, do you want to reveal who the perpetrator actually was for those of us who forgot?

Micah: Yeah, we learn a little bit later on – and it’s actually not a surprise, because it is a dear friend of Fred and George – Lee Jordan is the one responsible for the Nifflers, and he comes clean. But I like some of these theories we had here. It would have been nice to see maybe Luna or McGonagall, or somebody else besides the…

Andrew: McGonagall would have been great. Another adult doing that? That would have been amazing.

Eric: Yeah, I think McGonagall would be worried, though, that it would get tracked to Hagrid. She wouldn’t want to get one of her fellow colleagues in trouble, which is what ends up happening anyway. But I like the idea that we don’t know who, or it generally could be anybody, because that shows how much of an uproar the whole student body is in, and how inspired they were by Fred and George. So the legacy is very impressive.

Laura: Yeah. Well, the tricks don’t stop here, because students are having to use Bubble-Head Charms as they navigate the corridors between classes, because Dungbombs are being dropped with such regularity that students want to make sure they have a clean supply of breathing air so that they can move undeterred between their classes, which is funny. And Eric, I think you had a question here about comparisons to another one of the many historical events that we’ve all lived through in the last decade. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, we know that we last talked about this when COVID was first happening, and I’m surprised, because looking through the transcript, I can’t seem to find whether we mentioned that Bubble-Head Charm. What a creative way to make sure you have a supply of fresh air. Could also be used instead of masking to make sure that you just have a clean supply of air and that there isn’t any COVID in your air. Would kind of be a cool, safe way. You could attend concerts. I could attend the Pride parades that I’m always afraid of being a super spreader event, just with a Bubble-Head Charm. So that was fun.

Laura: Yeah, but I mean, that… anyway. I was going to say something else, but I’ll keep going. [laughs] Students are also using Skiving Snackboxes to tank Umbridge’s lessons, and despite her attempts to dole out blanket detentions to entire classes, she is ultimately unable to find the course of the Snackboxes, meaning that she has to tolerate students pretty regularly leaving her class, because they come in and they take them and they’ll immediately erupt in bloody noses or have their ears steaming, or they’ll have fainting fits. So at this point, I think we can presume nobody is really going to Defense Against the Dark Arts anymore.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: Seems like they’re coming in and passing out in the first five minutes of class, and there’s nothing she can do about it. She has to let them leave.

Eric: Oh, man.

Micah: Totally. And Laura, you noted here, “This is how we do it,” and this is how we do it. And the entire school is unified, minus Slytherin, as far as we know. There might be a few outliers in Slytherin who are supporting the larger group here. But all they needed was a moment; they needed an event to tip things off. And we see this happen a lot in the real world, but once it’s taken place, now they feel free to act the way that they’re acting. They saw what Fred and George did, and it’s almost like they were given permission to misbehave.

Andrew: Yeah, the dam has been broken, the first domino has fallen, and now everybody’s inspired and taking the lead. I think it does have to be called out just how critical Fred and George’s moment last chapter was to really get things moving in the castle.

Laura: Yeah. And I mean, so much of what the students are doing… I mean, a lot of things they’re doing, like dropping Dungbombs in the hallway between classes, those things are very disruptive, but a lot of students, especially the ones that are just taking their Puking Pastilles to get out of Defense Against the Dark Arts, it’s kind of a form of passive resistance, or you could call it malicious compliance, if you wanted to. And I wanted to ask if anyone here has ever done something similar in real life. Doesn’t have to be anything big and bombastic. The example that I draw from is actually one where my HOA frequently comes up with very stupid rules for things, and they threaten to enforce them through fining people. And so one such thing not long ago was the dumpster for our building – and it’s actually the dumpster that’s meant to serve three buildings – is far too small for the amount of people it is intended to serve. And a year and a half ago, our HOA sent out an email to everyone being like, “Stop putting bulky items in the dumpster. If people keep putting bulky items in the dumpster, we’re going to fine you.” So I was like, “Okay.” My response to that was to say, “I won’t put bulky items in the dumpster; I’ll just put them beside the dumpster.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: And that’s what I started doing; that’s what some of my neighbors started doing. And I don’t know what changed; all I know is we don’t have a new dumpster, but our dumpster does get picked up more frequently now, it seems like. So I don’t know for a fact that our little act of resistance drove that, but it might have. And at the very least, I’m not…

Andrew: Also, it’s a dumpster. That’s its role, to take in bulky items.

Laura: Yeah! Right.

Eric: A communal… yeah, what are people going to do with their garbage?

Laura: Right.

Andrew: For me, so I couldn’t recall a time where I have participated in this sort of malicious compliance, but the one that you hear about from time to time is somebody charges you a bill that maybe you don’t think you have to pay, or you’re mad at the service that you received, so you decide you’re going to pay it, but you’re going to pay it in coins or pennies so it’s really hard for the bill collector to add up. Instead of just writing them a check, paying with credit card, paying cash, no, you pay in pennies. You give them 5,000 pennies, and to get up to… what is that, $50? $500? And that’s how you maliciously comply. Because you’re following the rules, you’re complying, but you’re giving them a hard time along the way.

Eric: I love these stories.

Laura: Yeah, it’s just sand in the gears, gum up the works.

Eric: I want to be Laura when I grow up.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: I feel like in the moment, I just pay the bill, and not because I’m happy about it. I’m absolutely not happy about it, but it’s like I can’t think of a great way to maliciously comply. So I look to others. I look to the Fred and Georges of the world to show me how it’s done, and then I’m like, “I will participate in this.” But yeah.

Laura: Ask ChatGPT. ChatGPT, I’m sure, can give you some examples.

Eric: I don’t want to drain a lake while I do it. [laughs] That feels like the opposite of malicious compliance.

Laura: Well, yeah. Fair enough, fair enough. Well, we do need to take a quick break here so we can pay our bills, but then we’ll be right…

Micah: In pennies.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: In pennies, of course. But then we’ll be right back to talk a little bit more about the resistance happening at Hogwarts.

Micah: That’s why your Internet’s not working, Andrew. You paid the damn bill in pennies.

Andrew: That’s it.

Laura: Ohhh.

Eric: They’re like, “We know where he is!”

Andrew: No, it’s a nationwide outage. It’s not just me.

Eric: “We know where he is on Thursdays at 4:30 p.m.!”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Needing the Internet really badly. Good Internet, too.

[Ad break]

Laura: Well, we’re back, and resistance also creates some strange bedfellows, or at the very least gets characters to behave in a way that maybe they wouldn’t traditionally. So McGonagall actually gives Peeves some advice about how to unscrew a chandelier. Harry could have sworn that as he walks by her, watching Peeves unscrew the chandelier, that out of the corner of her mouth, she just says, “It unscrews to the left,” or something like that.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: Which is a very fun moment, because that is the most un-McGonagall thing. But in this moment, she recognizes that there are bigger fish to fry, and she’s honestly probably partnering up with someone who she wouldn’t normally partner up with in order for the greater good of what’s to happen at Hogwarts. And I thought the moment where Hermione asks Harry and Ron if they should come clean about what happened to Montague in the toilet is very funny to me, because Ron is very quick to say, “Pfft, no, he had it coming.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: But also, Hermione doesn’t push back. She kind of lets it go. And I feel like under normal circumstances, the Hermione we know would be like, “No, a person got hurt. It doesn’t matter if we don’t like them; we need to come forward with information that might help him get better.” But she’s not pushing back here.

Andrew: Do you think she’s feeling inspired after Fred and George, just like the rest of the school is? I mean, it’s rubbing off on McGonagall. [laughs]

Laura: I think so, yep.

Eric: It’s fun, breaking all the rules. I think when you just see utter lawlessness, like the Inquisitorial Squad just ruthlessly docking points from everyone… and Dumbledore has been such a constant their whole schooling life; now he’s gone. Umbridge has given 30 new Educational Decrees. What starts to break down is you start to forget why you’re following rules to begin with, because it’s a completely lawless society. It’s like, “Okay.” So I think Hermione, the reason she doesn’t push back harder is because she can see not only that it’s a losing battle – and she has very little time right now because of exams, so she has to pick only the battles that are going to be winning for her – but because everything else is going to hell, and everyone’s in open revolt against Umbridge, she realizes that it’s… she’s less reminded that the right thing to do is the right thing to do, and so she is able to be swayed, I think, a little easier. Does that make sense?

Laura: Yeah, I think so, given the circumstances. I think a lot of people might behave differently depending on how dire they think a situation is. So it’s very clear that everyone sort of on the side of Hogwarts, right? If we’re thinking about this as Hogwarts versus the Ministry, it seems like we’re doing a really good job at Hogwarts at this point of being like, “Maybe we don’t agree on everything, but we do agree on the macro statement that the Ministry should not be interfering at our school.”

Andrew: [laughs] Good business lingo, Laura.

Laura: Oh, well, thank you. That’s the world that I live in 40 hours a week.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Do you want to circle back? Do you want to circle back and talk about macro some more? I’m really interested in that concept.

Laura: No, no. Okay. I hate it.

Andrew: Let’s zoom out and put a pin in this.

Eric: Oh, God.

Laura: Okay, I hate it, I hate it. Anyway. [laughs]

Eric: Okay, well, in our Discord, m. is talking about… so this whole Hermione lawlessness; she said, “I don’t know. Hermione has a dark side. Remember Marietta.”

Micah: And Rita. Don’t forget about Rita.

Andrew: Yes! Yeah!

Eric: [laughs] Rita still harbors…

Andrew: We have been calling this out over the last year from time to time. Hermione does have her moments that surprise us. We’re like, “Wow, she’s more of a baddie than we expected.”

Eric: I think, Andrew, if I’m remembering correctly, five years ago there was this plot thread of how Hermione is a murderer or something. We were joking. I think you were pushing it really hard that she was this evil person because of Marietta the first time.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: I vaguely remember this.

Eric: I have to look back. Yeah, there’s something about it. But Hermione is pretty vicious.

Micah: I did want to mention – and I can’t remember if we made this comparison – but Laura, when you’re talking about how resistance creates strange bedfellows, it is… it wouldn’t be reminiscent… I guess you would say Deathly Hallows is reminiscent of this moment in Order of the Phoenix, because you do have pretty much the entire school, with the exception of the Slytherins, who are against Umbridge and the Ministry in this case. And then in Deathly Hallows, you have everybody, with the exception of the Slytherins, who are against Voldemort and the Death Eaters.

Laura: Yeah, I love that connection. It is so true. And ultimately, it’s the result of a society that’s like, “This is our big problem. We all agree this guy, wizard Hitler, is our big problem.” And I think that’s ultimately what allows the Umbridge regime to crumble at Hogwarts, because yeah, if people couldn’t agree on what the issue was, then who knows what the rest of the book series would have looked like?

Micah: And if you want to talk about strange bedfellows, maybe adding in the centaurs and the house-elves who do play a part in the Battle of Hogwarts, which maybe you wouldn’t expect at this point in Order of the Phoenix, especially with what happens a little bit later on in this chapter with the centaurs.

Eric: The question that I have about this chapter… we’ve all been reading through. What is the secret information that they have about Montague that Ron pressures Hermione not to divulge, and Harry agrees? Do the Slytherins not know that he’s been in the Vanishing Cabinet? Because that, I thought, was pretty clear ever since the Weasley twins disappeared him. That’s just a part in a chapter…

Micah: Or is it that the Weasley twins were responsible?

Laura: Maybe it was who was responsible for it.

Eric: Okay. I’m still not clear on how somebody goes from a Vanishing Cabinet – and I understand it transports you in various places – but goes from there, the inside of a cabinet, to a toilet and then gets rescued from the toilet but is still not quite right for some reason. And somehow Harry, Ron, and Hermione have the secret answer that Hermione wants to come clean with, and Harry and Ron are like, “Nah, don’t. He sucks.”

Laura: Well, maybe it’s the Vanishing Cabinet part of the story. Maybe it’s that Fred and George shoved him into the Vanishing Cabinet, and no one knows that part. Maybe they just… because they just know that they found him – whatever it means for them to find him – in the toilet.

Eric: Right.

Laura: They found him there, and perhaps he’s currently unable to communicate what happened to him? I don’t know.

Eric: Yeah. Maybe this will be answered a little later, because we know eventually Draco knows about the cabinet.

Laura: Yes. We also get another revelation at this point in the chapter, which is about where Fred and George got their money to be able to build up their joke shop and to rent their premises. Harry finally has to come clean to Ron and Hermione that he gave Fred and George his Triwizard Tournament winnings, because Ron and Hermione started going down some dark paths of thinking about how Fred and George might have gotten the money, thinking they might have been doing something illegal. And Harry was like, “Okay, that’s a bridge too far. I don’t want them to think that Fred and George are doing anything bad or illegal, or, God forbid, for that to get back to Mrs. Weasley.” So he comes clean, and Ron is delighted by this, because he’s like, “Ha! Great! Now she can’t blame me for this happening.”

Eric: [laughs] You know, Ron’s got a lot of anxieties, and this is just one fewer anxiety that he’s got to worry about. This is great. I feel great for Ron.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: And I’m glad Harry came clean. It was definitely the right decision. And I like that Hermione was trying to push back, and Harry was like, “No, it’s done. Sorry. There’s nothing I can do about it. Just deal with it.”

[Eric laughs]

Micah: It’s his money, too.

Andrew: Yeah, exactly. Who is she to try and tell Harry what to do with his money? And there’s nothing wrong with how he gave it, or how the twins spent it.

Eric: No, and we’re seeing that. This is… the Skiving Snackboxes are the means by which so many of the school are able to revolt and cause Umbridge a headache, so it really just paid for itself 1,000 times over, I think.

Laura: Yeah. It is pretty amazing, too, knowing that Umbridge did try to figure out what the source of the Snackboxes were, but she was never going to because the source wasn’t at Hogwarts anymore.

Eric: Well, but she must be able to… this is what tells me she’s not a good educator, teacher. She’s not observant. She would clearly be able to see people popping these toffees into their mouths and things. There’s no real covert way of doing that, that I’m aware of.

Laura: Yeah. Maybe they do it right as they’re entering her classroom.

Andrew: Yeah, or if they’re looking down real quick. If I’m imagining popping a piece of gum into your mouth, that’s kind of easy to…

Eric: Well, because she could have everyone bring no book bags in. It’s not like they need their wands or other stuff. She could have them all hands by their side…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: She could really… I think if she had any intelligence, she could figure this out pretty quickly, but she doesn’t.

Laura: Yeah, it is kind of surprising that she doesn’t, because I feel like it would be very up her alley to treat the students like prisoners, so it is a little bit shocking that it doesn’t go there for her. But unfortunately for Harry, Hermione’s nagging about his Triwizard winnings going to Fred and George doesn’t last as long as he thinks it will, because she starts nagging him about when he is going to resume Occlumency lessons, which is the last thing Harry wants to do at this point. And it’s a little disconcerting, because once again, Harry seems very isolated in everything that he’s seeing in terms of the long hallway leading to that door at the Department of Mysteries. Ron even confirms for Hermione that he hears Harry sleep talking, saying, “Just a bit closer, just a bit further…” Harry is reporting that in his dreams, he’s getting so close to the door, and he’s actively trying to get there, it seems. So I’m wondering if Harry should see this as a warning. I know we’ve talked a lot, and I’ve in particular talked a lot during this book about how Harry is not being given the information that he needs to be able to make good decisions, but it does feel like there’s a point in this dreamscaping that he’s doing where it should raise red flags for him. No?

Eric: Yes, yes. I think part of the reason he wants it so bad is because he’s entering the mind of Voldemort, who wants it so bad, so it’s two people wanting it so bad that keeps Harry pursuing this. But he has a critical lack here of self-reflection, because he just got in huge trouble. The reason he can’t do Occlumency with Snape anymore is because he wanted, more than anything, to see what was in the Pensieve, what Snape’s memories were going to be. Then he had this whole crisis, because what he found out pursuing his dreams was “This is horrible,” and it made him question reality. He should be the very last person right now to be following his own personal wants or desires, because it’s a trap. It’s a trap, Harry. He could have said, “Okay, I should maybe do what other people are telling me to do, because every time I’ve veered off script in this book, or at least the latter half of this book, it’s been a problem for me.”

Laura: Yeah. I did want to ask, too, do we know if at this point Voldemort is aware of their connection? Because we know… I mean, obviously he becomes aware of it ahead of what happens in the Department of Mysteries so that he can plant those false visions. I’m wondering how early Voldemort discovers this, and could he potentially be planting those seeds now?

Eric: I think so. I think it’s when… as soon as Kreacher goes to Bellatrix for the first time, because right around Christmas when the Weasley thing happened, when the Mr. Weasley attack happens, how did that happen? How did they know about it in time to save him? This is all gossip that Kreacher would have known about. So I just assumed the last couple months, it’s been a plan.

Andrew: He’s had some suspicions, but maybe he wasn’t totally confident until the end of this book.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: But the last couple of weeks, he’s gone all the way through into the Hall of Prophecy, too, and I think maybe that didn’t start happening until Voldemort was aware. So Voldemort… he could only get to the door, not even the room with many doors, until Voldemort found out. Then Voldemort is like, “Oh, let me show you what’s on the other side.”

Andrew: [laughs] “Let me get that door for you.”

Eric: And not knowing how exactly he’s going to use it, maybe. But yeah, I think that’s it.

Andrew: But Harry is not going to see this as a warning sign, right? Because he’s so excited to find out what the hell is behind that door, and he wants to get further into the Department of Mysteries. He doesn’t… he’s just blinded from caution.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Why hasn’t anyone checked in with him on this, though? Because I mean, he just got a big lecture from Sirius and Remus about needing to do Occlumency, and no one’s followed up with him or with Snape or with the Order. It’s just weird to me that this is being allowed to stand.

Micah: It’s a great point. And I feel like, though, there’s so much that’s in disarray right now, though to be fair, we don’t know where Dumbledore is or what he’s doing. He could be with the Order for all we know. But I feel like throughout this book, Harry slowly loses people at Hogwarts who could be of help to him. He loses Dumbledore. He loses Snape, whether… we’re going to debate Snape’s being of help or not; he’s still an ally of the Order, as far as we know, and was supposed to be teaching him Occlumency. And then Fred and George, too; they’re close friends of his because of his relationship with Ron. And we see towards the end of this chapter, it seems like Hagrid now is going to be removed from the picture. You’re talking about major pillars of Harry’s Hogwarts life that are being removed, and so with the exception of Ron and Hermione, who is there for him to go to? That’s why I do think it’s important that somebody is checking in on him, somebody’s making sure that these lessons are happening.

Andrew: Yeah. Well, you mentioned Hermione. I mean, Hermione is very concerned, too, that he’s not going to Occlumency lessons, and he just sort of shrugs it off.

Eric: This is priority one for the Order. The Order does not want to happen what happens, and they all have to go and face off against the Death Eaters in a month. Lupin threatened to go up and yell at Snape to get him to teach Harry; that should have happened, and there’s no obvious reason why it doesn’t happen, besides contrivances of the plot. Dumbledore may be away from the school, but somebody needs to be coming here and making sure that Harry is getting this lesson, or taking over the lesson. Honestly, McGonagall… maybe she’s never done Occlumency in her life; she’s a better teacher. She could figure something out and give Harry some lessons. The Order should be circling around Harry, making sure he knows this, because they know that this is going to be exploited.

[Ad break]

Laura: All right, so now we’re going to get into the main event of this chapter, and this is really also the introduction of the chapter’s titular character.

Micah: That’s Eric’s word.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: I like titular. Titular’s good.

Laura: That’s true. Maybe I picked that up from you, because I was writing this out, and I was like, “Huh, that’s funny. This is almost never a word that I use.”

Eric: It’s not ever really…

Laura: And I was like, “Maybe I got it from Eric.”

Eric: That’s so funny. I don’t claim it until now…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: … but every once in a while you have the opportunity to use titular, and it’s fun.

Laura: Yeah. [laughs]

Eric: Grawp is not deserving of the title of this chapter. [laughs] That’s another question.

Laura: Oh, poor Grawp.

Eric: Yeah, I guess it’s not his fault. It’s literally everyone else’s.

Laura: No, it’s literally Hagrid’s fault. [laughs] But anyway, Hagrid ushers Harry and Hermione away from the Quidditch match, and Harry and Hermione… by the way, this Quidditch match is between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, and the stage has been set this entire chapter for a big surprise, because Gryffindor goes into this Quidditch match knowing they’re going to lose against Ravenclaw, and Harry and Hermione are like, “Eh, yeah, Ron is not going to do too great, so we might as well leave.” So they go with Hagrid and they trudge into the forest. Leads them deeper into the forest than they’ve been since detention in year one, which is the last time they came across some centaurs in the forest; they’re going to come across some more in this chapter. But for some reason, as was called out in our little five years ago clip Time-Turner installment earlier in this episode, Harry notices that the closer they get to the center, the fewer creatures there are, and that is because Grawp is at the center of the forest, completely disturbing the ecosystem and causing a lot of destruction. But Grawp at first to Harry looks like nothing more than a large mound of earth with a moldy boulder, which ended up being Grawp’s head.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: But Grawp is awakened, and it is pretty rough to read. I had forgotten about this, but Hagrid pokes Grawp with a sharp stick to wake him up, because Hagrid also can’t get too close to him. We also learn through this interaction that this is the source of all Hagrid’s injuries he’s been getting for the last several months, so a lot of pieces come together here in Hagrid making this revelation to Harry and Hermione that he has brought his brother back to Hogwarts.

Eric: The thing about this… and it’s just every time I read this chapter, it makes less and less sense, because if Grawp is doing this to Hagrid, who has thick skin, who’s his brother, his familial connection, if he’s still… Hagrid’s nose was dripping blood this chapter! If he’s doing it to Hagrid, what’s he going to do to these kids? He doesn’t know these kids. How does Hagrid think that this is at all safe for the kids?

Andrew: Yeah, none of this makes sense to me. Hagrid enters the forest with a crossbow. Like you said, he wants the trio to take care of Grawp once Umbridge kicks him out of Hogwarts. But that also confuses me, because I’m like, if Umbridge kicks him out of Hogwarts, couldn’t he still live in his hut, potentially? If not, how about he live in the forest too, or near the forest?

Eric: Right.

Andrew: The forest isn’t technically on Hogwarts grounds, or at least not all of it is, so he could enter from a side of the forest. None of this is really adding up to me. In fact, we see Barty Crouch, Sr. go through the forest, right? Outside of Hogwarts he enters through it. So the whole thing is strange. I guess, Laura, you have a note here: Is Hagrid desperate? That might be the only explanation here. He’s not thinking clearly at all. He’s setting the trio up to be killed.

Micah: He probably has a few concussions too. Maybe that’s why he’s not thinking right.

Andrew: Maybe!

Eric: [laughs] Yeah, the more times you get them, the less clearly you think and rationally. But he’s been minimizing the danger of Umbridge all year, not just for himself, but he’s been really… here’s the other thing: In asking them to take care of Grawp, he’s asking them to break the rules of the school, go out, go off into the Forbidden Forest, and security has never been tighter. They would never get in more trouble than they would right now, and in the past, he’s always the one who has a problem with them going to see him after-hours.

Andrew: Also, it’s not like these kids are on summer break right now; they’ve got plenty going on in their own lives as well, so why does Hagrid put this on them? How about another teacher? Does he trust no one else at the school?

Eric: There’s got to be somebody that he can trust.

Micah: Where’s Dumbledore?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Dumbledore… you know what’s funny, though, Andrew, because you’re saying this, and I think at one point he’s like, “You kids can have Grubbly-Plank.” But I did the math, and if Hagrid was expelled in his third year, which was 50 years ago as of Book 2, he’s actually 66 years of age. Hagrid could just retire. He could just get his retirement and buy a little cave somewhere in the forest.

Laura: Yeah, but with what money?

Eric: Harry could bankroll his friend Hagrid’s retirement.

Laura: Well, yeah, Harry could.

Andrew: Do caves cost money? He can find a nice…

Micah: Hogwarts has to have paid him, no?

Laura: Yeah, but I mean… I don’t know. I just would assume that, like most educators, that Hogwarts teachers probably aren’t paid super well. And I mean, Hagrid has only been a professor for a couple of years now. Up until that point, he’s been a groundskeeper.

Eric: But that’s probably also a paying job. Anyway, look, Hagrid could very easily still live with Grawp, I think, no matter what happens, and even if he is removed from the grounds of Hogwarts, which that reminds me: So the whole thing about Trelawney, right, is that she was fired, but couldn’t be removed from the school because Dumbledore was still headmaster. Now that that’s not the case, we don’t have an update on Trelawney, whether she’s just been allowed to stay in the school, and it’s kind of… I’m ready to call it a plot hole, only because Trelawney is the key to understanding the prophecy, and just like Snape, there’s very few people who know what the prophecy is or what exists surrounding it. Trelawney would be, I think more than usually, target number one for any Death Eaters that are hanging around, so she has to stay at the school. But with Dumbledore gone, we don’t see any plan be putting in place to actually protect Trelawney. Umbridge probably the next day would have been like, “Okay, you’re out.” Where is she?

Micah: It’s a big castle.

Laura: I wonder if Trelawney… yeah, maybe she’s laying low, because we don’t really see her, right?

Micah: She’s drunk with Winky.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, she’s hanging out with the house-elves underground.

Laura: They’re just holed up in the Room of Requirement and having a grand old time.

Eric: But it’s crazy because the one time Trelawney doesn’t really have the protection of anyone or the school is when all the stuff about the prophecy that she made about Harry and Voldemort is coming to a head.

Andrew: I’m inclined to believe she is still there because we don’t hear anything else, but it is a good call-out, Eric, and it, I think, strengthens the point I was bringing up about Hagrid. He should have been able to continue living at the hut, I think, if Trelawney was able to, and he’s not really in the castle, which should please Umbridge.

Micah: Right. But I mean, just in terms of why he’s doing all this, we know that Hagrid has a bit of a saving creatures thing, just like Harry has a bit of a saving people thing, and in this case, it is his brother. So for somebody who is an outcast like Hagrid is, to actually have family out there, this is huge for him, and that’s why he went through the trouble of bringing him back. Harry and Hermione keep asking this question. It’s his blood; it’s his family. This is all he has left, as far as he knows, and it was obviously a surprise to him to find out about this. But I think – I mean, we could poll the group here – but most of us would probably go through the same trouble if we found out that we had a sibling we didn’t know about and it was the only family that we had.

Eric: And wasn’t he about to be killed by the others?

Micah: There’s that too.

Laura: Yeah, he was being bullied.

Andrew: That part is fair, but I think it’s where he puts Grawp, and what he tries to get the trio to do is what makes this whole situation very messy and irresponsible.

Eric: You’re right.

Laura: Yeah, because Grawp is tied up. He doesn’t have movement. He can’t go anywhere. This is not exactly a great situation for Grawp either.

Andrew: No.

Micah: I’m not saying he handles it the right way…

Laura: No, no, no.

Micah: … but I can understand the reasoning behind why he wants Grawp to be with him.

Laura: Oh, yeah. Totally.

Eric: It’s also the reason why he’s deluding himself so heavily about what Grawp’s capabilities are. According to dialogue, Hagrid just thinks that they’re going to be able to teach him English, and then every wizard everywhere will see that Grawp really isn’t a threat at all! Which is the farthest thing. There’s extreme opinions, and then there’s just absolute delusional, and it’s just… ahh, it’s so sad, because you know Hagrid’s got a good heart, but even Ron… or no, it can’t be Ron. Harry must be the one that says to Hermione, “Don’t you wish we had Norbert back?” in this chapter, because Grawp is just ten escalations past. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah. And I mean, Grawp tries to grab Hermione at one point. In the movie, they actually do have him do that.

Eric: They actually do it, yeah.

Laura: And I mean, that’s a point in the movie where I think they’re trying to establish early sympathy for Grawp, because we just don’t see that much of him, and then he has to come to the rescue with the centaurs 20 minutes after that onscreen.

Micah: And also continue to establish Ron and Hermione.

Laura: Yes.

Andrew: I mean, to come to Hagrid’s defense, I guess I would say what other option did he have? Because yes, as we’re saying, it was the right move for Grawp to get him out of the prior situation, but where does he go from here? I think it might be an impossible question, because clearly, if deep in a forest near Hagrid’s hut isn’t the best solution, then what would be? You can’t put him anywhere near public eyes.

Eric: The other question, though, is because Hagrid… the reason Hagrid took forever to get back to Hogwarts is because he was taking Grawp through all the uncivilized lands. Surely there was somewhere on the way back to Hogwarts that would have been a little bit better for Grawp than right here.

Andrew: But I think the proximity to Hagrid is important, too, right? Because he needs to keep an eye on him.

Eric: Yeah, so under that scenario, I would say… and you’re right, because Hogwarts is Hagrid’s familiarity. And so his thinking is, “I can get to my home and make the space for Grawp and make it Grawp’s home too.” That’s right. I was thinking, though, because Hagrid says it in this chapter, he’s like, “You kids have Grubbly-Plank; she’ll lead you through exams.” Hagrid knows that he’s not the best Care of Magical Creatures teacher that’s even currently employed by Hogwarts. He didn’t have to come back to Hogwarts. He could have said, “Sorry, Albus, something came up,” and just… again, retirement age. He could have just stayed with Grawp somewhere, and unfortunately we wouldn’t get to see Hagrid as much, but it probably would have been the best choice for Grawp.

Micah: And I don’t remember the exact timeline, but maybe he’s also looking for Dumbledore to help him out here a little bit. Was Dumbledore already gone by the time Hagrid returned? Or was there maybe not enough of an overlap for him to bring up Grawp?

Eric: I think he was, because Firenze talked to Harry about Hagrid and Firenze was put in place by Dumbledore.

Micah: Right.

Laura: Yeah, well, and Hagrid has been getting beat up ever since he got back to Hogwarts.

Micah: So how does Dumbledore not know about any of this?

Laura: Yeah, it is interesting. I wonder if he does know.

Eric: And he’s like, “One more chess piece that might disrupt Umbridge’s fascist takeover of Hogwarts.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, maybe. Perhaps.

Micah: All I know is if Hagrid ever comes to be in a Street Fighter video game, I am selecting him, because the fact that he can pull giants off of his half-brother and break up a centaur brawl… he’s pretty badass. And he rides a motorbike. [laughs]

Eric: And where’d he get that from, Micah?

Micah: Sirius.

Eric: That’s right.

Micah: But he doesn’t need it anymore.

Eric: Aww.

Laura: Yeah, especially in this book.

Micah: Sorry, Siri. I activated Siri.

Eric: Well, you’re right. It’s pretty badass, and seeing the centaurs are still miffed at Hagrid in this chapter just absolutely… you’re right. As much as we’re talking about Hagrid’s completely asinine, crazy decision, you’re right. He’s still badass.

Laura: Yeah. Well, I think Hagrid is also kind of out of touch with reality. I think Hagrid is afforded a lot of leeway by the creatures in the forest because they know that he has so much respect for them that other wizards don’t. To that point, Hagrid, Harry, and Hermione come across Magorian and Bane, two centaurs in the forest who they had also come across in Book 1, and Bane gives them a pretty stark warning to say, “Hagrid, we are no longer on speaking terms with you. We’re no longer friends with you, effectively, because you took Firenze’s side. You stopped us from killing him, basically, and because of that, we no longer are going to allow you to come into the forest safely, and the only reason we’re letting you out now is because you have two young foals with you.” And Harry and Hermione are pretty concerned about Hagrid asking them to come back into the forest to look after Grawp, rightly, because they’ve just gotten this warning from the centaurs, and Hagrid waves it off and says, “Oh, they’re never going to attack kids.” Well, press X to doubt, because that’s exactly what will happen if Grawp doesn’t intervene a few chapters from now, and I just think it’s really interesting that Hagrid, more than once, has put the trio in danger by leading them to believe that because they were friends of his, they would also be safe in the forest, but we know that’s not true. Look at Aragog in Chamber of Secrets.

Andrew: And it’s really messed up that Hagrid might have been thinking, “I’m going to ask the trio to take care of Grawp, because I’m pretty sure the centaurs are going to let them pass through the forest whenever they want.” That is so messed up. He’s setting them up to be killed. We’ve used the phrase “pig for slaughter”; that comes to mind here. Magorian and Bane suck in this chapter, too, because they’re talking about like they own the forest; they get to decide what the forest is used for. No one owns the forest, it seems to me, so no one should get a say in what’s going on there.

Micah: Right.

Andrew: What, Laura?

Laura: So here’s the thing: Where else are the centaurs allowed to live?

Andrew: I’m not saying they can’t live there; I’m saying they don’t get to decide what Hagrid gets up to in the forest. It’s kind of a free-for-all. I was trying to think of a parallel between this and the Muggle world, and the closest thing I could get to was a public park. But even that is government-owned; this is just, again, a free-for-all.

Eric: I think that it’s government sanctioned. It’s like a reservation, probably. The interesting thing in the wizarding world is that there’s more than one sentient creature on the planet; there’s more than one sentient species, and so there are rules, but the area that’s been given to the centaurs is allowed to fall under basically centaur rules. Centaur justice is what Hagrid has interrupted. They didn’t let Hagrid… or they didn’t get to kill Firenze, so they’re miffed about it, but Grawp… at the same time, it is public. Not 100% of the forest is the centaurs’, and so there’s this gray area now where Grawp is tearing up the local trees. It’s not that he’s in the middle of the centaurs’ city or town or village or whatever, but at the same time, he’s like an unwanted neighbor, and the tension…

Andrew: Well, we all have those. That’s life, kid.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: Yeah, I think the centaurs have just never had to have that awful neighbor down the street. Leave the TV up too loud, just completely destroys the sidewalk and flora and fauna…

Laura: Yeah. I mean, I don’t know. I guess all I’m saying is, no, I don’t think it’s right that the centaurs should tell anyone whether they can or can’t come and go in the forest, but I think when you have a society that has pushed groups to the fringes and basically made it known that they are persona non grata – they’re not good enough to hold political office, they’re not good enough to go to your wizard school – you’re kind of forcing them to the fringes of society. And when you do that, and people make their own communities with the scraps of what society gives them, yeah, they’re going to be a little testy when somebody says, “Hey, I should be allowed to walk in this forest too,” because the centaurs are probably thinking, “You literally get everything else. The world is your oyster.”

Eric: Well, that’s also… I think that’s why they don’t also kill Grawp immediately, is because giants have been pushed into obscurity and the high, high mountain ranges because of the Statute of Secrecy, and as such, they haven’t been allowed to thrive. Their population has dwindled, and Grawp is the last one of a very, very few.

Micah: Well, I mean, in fairness, though, we’ve seen the centaurs operate with an air of arrogance throughout the series, and I don’t know if that’s… it’s hard to say, would they always have operated that way, regardless of how they were treated by wizardkind? But I mean, if you look… Bane’s name, right? His name origin is a cause of great annoyance; that’s what his name means. He’s definitely the ass-hat of the two, between him and Magorian.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: But in fairness to the centaurs, I will say, Hagrid does dump his creature trash in the Forbidden Forest.

Andrew: Wow.

Micah: Which is the home of these centaurs. And going back to what we were talking about earlier with dumpsters, he doesn’t do the best job of taking care of them either, right? Think about Aragog. Think about Grawp.

Eric: It’s like somebody’s dog is eating your begonias and actually destroying the whole flower bed and salting the earth.

Andrew: I liked Eric’s example of sometimes you have bad neighbors. This is it! This is living in an open society. Welcome to having to coexist with other people or creatures. Sorry. I can’t feel bad for them. No sympathy.

Micah: And it was mentioned earlier, sort of the meddling in centaur affairs, and Hagrid is straight up told by Magorian and Bane in this chapter that he shouldn’t be doing that. And it reminds me of how Hermione has gotten a lot of feedback from… maybe not house-elves… actually, in some cases house-elves directly…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: … but other members of the wizarding community to stay out of the affairs of house-elves; she doesn’t understand them. So just creating those parallels here. Obviously, different situations, but we’re talking about two types of sentient magical creatures that wizards are trying to meddle in their affairs.

Eric: Like, “We don’t want your help, we didn’t ask for your help, and also, why are you making this worse for us?”

Micah: Exactly.

Eric: Like Hermione interfering with the house-elves’ ability to do their jobs by scattering these hats everywhere in Gryffindor tower. There’s something to that comparison for sure.

Laura: Well, and also leaving more trash, because what she does is she leaves them under trash, so that when they pick up the trash, they accidentally pick up the hat.

Micah: Whole lot of trash in this chapter.

Eric: She’s sneaky. Lots of trash.

Andrew: And to that point, LegalizeGillyweed in our Discord is wondering, “Do we think centaurs have HOA dumpster drama in the forest?”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: 100%. They totally would. They just… Bane strikes me as the person… Bane would be the head of the HOA, 100%. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, Grawp is the bulky item that Bane does not want to be put into their forest, and so it’s just going to be kept to the side of it.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: Well, we are greeted by some unexpected levity at the end of this chapter. By the time Harry, Hermione, and Hagrid battle their way out of the forest – and they are covered head to toe in cuts and brambles and sticks because of how deep in the forest they were – they get back to the Quidditch pitch just as the match has ended, and they are unfortunately, or so they think, hearing the chorus of “Weasley Is Our King” in the distance. Harry and Hermione are, of course, assuming that Gryffindor has lost, but as the oncoming crowd gets closer and they see the figure that is hoisted up on their shoulders, they realize that not only has Gryffindor won the match, Gryffindor has won the Quidditch Cup, and the Gryffindors have rewritten the words to “Weasley Is Our King” to be a little more complimentary of Ron’s Quidditch skills.

Eric: They must have been in the forest a real long time for all this to have happened.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Well, hey, and I mean, it says something about Ron, I think, that he actually got his Quidditch sea legs about him when nobody that was really close to him was there to see it happen. And for an odd and end, I wanted to call out something Hermione said early in the chapter, which… she was like, “I think Ron may do better now that Fred and George are gone and they’re not going to be able to spectate.” Do we actually think that is something that might have improved Ron’s performance in this match?

Andrew: I think so. Something like that would throw me off. If I knew my brothers were there who have a history of taunting me, I would definitely feel intimidated by their presence. It just reminds me in life in general, if you start overthinking things, that can really negatively affect your performance. So yeah, I think Hermione is spot on here.

Laura and Micah: Agreed.


Superlative of the Week


Laura: Well, now we are going to get into our best MVP entry of the week. This week’s question is: What was the best resistance strategy in this chapter?

Andrew: So I loved Fred and George’s Skiving Snackboxes because the twins are still actively haunting Umbridge, even though they’re not at the school, so their skillset lingers.

Eric: I really don’t think it’s going to get better for me than the Niffler incident, because it’s described in such detail. It’s like when you see an opossum or raccoon in your backyard; you’re like, “What are you doing here?” Umbridge has probably had a horrible day; she comes back and is like, “I’m in my office,” and then there’s this creature that full on just leaps at her and is trying to pluck the rings off of her stubby fingers. This had to have been utter chaos. Mwah, I love it.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I’m going to say letting Peeves off his leash. I think this was the best thing to do because it requires no effort from you as the person letting him off his leash; you just let Peeves go and he’ll go and he’ll create chaos. It’s perfect.

Micah: For me it’s just the blissful ignorance on the part of McGonagall and Flitwick. I’m sure other professors, too, but those specifically are called out. The fact that it’s noted they likely could have helped to get rid of the marsh that the Weasley twins created, and they likely could help Umbridge restore order within the school, but eh, you know what? Nothing to see here.

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Laura: But why?

Andrew: Well, and it’s just so satisfying to see adults, faculty at the school, working against one of their coworkers, after all Umbridge has done this book. Very satisfying. Because the kids, yeah, of course you expect the kids to do it; they’re kids. But for the adults, very entertaining.


Lynx Line


Laura: All right, and now we are going to bring it home with our Lynx Line. This is where MuggleCast listeners who are members of our community at Patreon.com/MuggleCast can answer a weekly question related to that week’s topic. This week’s question was: Was Hagrid wrong to bring Grawp back to England with him, or was it ultimately the right thing to do?

Andrew: We got some mixed feedback, too, I would say. People are split on his decision. Eleanor said,

“I think the answer to this one depends on whose point of view you’re choosing to think about. Hagrid is clear that Grawp is being ill-treated, and he fears for his survival. So from Grawp’s point of view, it was the right decision to take him away. The alternative was possibly death. From Hagrid’s perspective, he’s putting family first – again, the ‘right’ thing to do. But if you put yourself in the golden trio’s shoes, then it doesn’t seem ‘right,’ as Grawp clearly doesn’t belong in Scotland (not England!)…”

Laura: Oh, yeah. Fair, fair, fair.

Andrew: ” … away from other giants, and he’s essentially wreaking havoc, including on Hagrid. To be honest, there wasn’t a right or wrong answer here, only difficult choices. Hagrid did what he thought was right.”

Eric: Love that. Rachel says,

“Since we get the series from Harry’s point of view, I was trying to think of this for him. While he might think Hagrid was crazy for bringing Grawp, there is not a doubt in my mind he’d have done the same thing. He knows what it’s like to live somewhere you aren’t welcomed, and as we see so many times, is always looking to help others. I think a more interesting question is would Hagrid have brought Grawp if they weren’t related, seeing how he was treated? I think he would have.”

Andrew: Oh.

Laura: Yeah, that’s a really good question. I agree.

Eric: That’s interesting. I think he would have maybe brought him, but he wouldn’t have tried so hard to civilize him.

Andrew: Maybe.

Micah: Zachary says,

“I may be biased, but I’ve always read this as an allegory to living with someone who has special needs. I believe Hagrid made the right decision in bringing his brother closer to him to ensure his safety. Having a little brother myself who is on the high-functioning side of the spectrum, I would do the same for him. It’s not like he brought him to an abandoned part of the castle. Hagrid is doing his best to try and integrate his brother into a society that would otherwise ignore him. I believe Hagrid did what any of us who has a heart and some shred of humanity would do for our loved ones.”

Andrew: I agree with all that.

Micah: Amen.

Laura: Helen says,

“I think Hagrid’s decision whether to bring Grawp back to England…”

A.k.a. Scotland; I apologize again.

“… or not is a classic moral dilemma, and Hagrid having to choose between the lesser of two evils. On the one hand, Grawp was clearly being abused and mistreated by the other giants, so leaving him in France with the rest of his kind, where the abuse was sure to continue, is not the right moral choice. On the other hand, Grawp clearly didn’t want to leave. Hagrid had to force him and fight with him the whole way to get him back to Scotland. And once he was there, Hagrid had to keep Grawp restrained to keep him from leaving. Forcing someone to leave their home and go somewhere against their will is also not a right moral choice. So this puts Hagrid in a moral and ethical dilemma. Given that neither option was morally or ethically right, Hagrid had to make the choice that he could live with. Could he live with himself knowing that he left his brother behind to be abused and mistreated for the rest of his life? No. Could he live with himself knowing that he forced his brother to leave his home and had to continue keeping him there against his will? Yes. Hagrid chose Grawp’s safety over his autonomy.”

That’s a really good point.

Andrew: Girishma said,

“Bringing Grawp back to the Forbidden Forest was definitely risky, and from a safety standpoint, was arguably irresponsible. Grawp was unpredictable, difficult to control, and his presence put students (and Hagrid himself) in danger. I think Hagrid acted emotionally, but also out of a deep sense of familial duty and the belief that Grawp could be taught to live peacefully. That’s admirable, but it’s also where Hagrid tends to blur the lines between compassion and recklessness (like with Aragog or the Blast-Ended Skrewts). But let’s be real, it WAS the right thing to do. Grawp at the end of the series does grow, literally and emotionally. He forms a bond with Hagrid and even helps during the Battle of Hogwarts, fighting on the right side. That redemption arc wouldn’t have been possible if Hagrid had left him behind. So perhaps wrong in method, and right in motivation.”

The arc is important to keep in mind.

Eric: Yeah. Jennifer says,

“I truly think Hagrid had it right when he brought Grawp back to Hogwarts. Grawp had no other family besides Hagrid. His smaller stature than the other giants would lead to bullying. While not always making the smartest moves, Hagrid did this with the very best of intentions.”

Micah: And then AJ wraps this up, asking, “Was Grawp chained in the book, or was that just in the movie? He was right to rescue him from the other giants, but wrong to enslave him.” I think there were restraints.

Laura: He was tied up.

Eric: There’s ropes. It’s ropes.

Andrew: He was tied up, yeah, and we see that in Mary Grand-Pré’s art at the start of the chapter.

Micah: It’s just so hard, because if he’s not restrained in some way, you don’t know what he’s going to do and what he’s capable of. And I know that’s part of the package of bringing him back, but it’s not just like… Hagrid can’t be with him all the time, so I’m not advocating for this, but I’m just trying to figure out what other way can Hagrid leave Grawp knowing that he’s going to be safe? Not only… he has to both protect Grawp from himself, as well as from other creatures in the forest.

Andrew: It’s tough all around. It’s tough all around. The part I get most hung up on is asking the trio. That’s the part I’m like, “Eugh.”

Eric: The most perplexing part about all of this is the exit plan, the idea that when Hagrid leaves Hogwarts, that Grawp wouldn’t be going with him. Because, as we’ve seen our listeners all talk about, and we’ve talked about this whole episode, is that there’s not a better place… the one thing that makes sense for Grawp about where he is and what he’s doing is that his brother is here, so why wouldn’t Hagrid take him with him?

Andrew: All right, great feedback, everybody. Don’t forget, you can participate in the Lynx Line every week by becoming a patron at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. If you have feedback about today’s episode, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. We’ll have a new Muggle Mail episode for everybody in a few weeks, so please send in that feedback. Next week on the show, we will discuss Chapter 31 of Order of the Phoenix, “O.W.L.s.” And it is summertime; maybe you’re spending more time outside or on the go right now, so while you’re on the move, check out our other weekly podcasts, What the Hype?! and Millennial, for more pop culture and real world talk from the four of us. On What the Hype?!, we’re discussing our favorite dads in pop culture in light of Father’s Day last week, and over on Millennial, we were talking about society’s worst public habits. There is a study on that and if people are just getting crazier in general. If Hagrid is any indication, yes, I think so. So check out both of those shows.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question: Filch seeks approval for whipping from Umbridge. The sound of a bullwhip cracking is caused by what specific thing occurring with the whip? And the correct answer is a sonic boom. What happens is the tip of the whip is traveling so fast that it actually breaks the sound barrier.

Andrew: Whoa.

Eric: Pretty cool stuff.

Laura: Wow.

Andrew: As McGonagall goes, “BOOM!”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: Or she goes, [imitates a whipcrack]

Andrew: [laughs] A McGona-boom.

Eric: McGona-boom. McGona-whip?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: We’ll workshop this. We’re going to take a… we’ll take some patrons and we’ll go and think it up. 50% of people who submitted the correct answer did not look it up, which, that’s pretty good odds. And correct answers were submitted by Oh the Deadwood Stage is a-rollin’ on over the plains; A Healthy Breeze; A speech language pathologist who just wants Laura to know it’s never too late to find yourself…

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Aww! Agreed.

Laura: That’s so sweet.

Eric: I love that this has become a contact form, basically.

Micah: I love the next one.

Eric: Drill Me, Mr. Dursley…

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Oh.

Eric: … 50 Shades of Filch; Filch’s Floggings; Hagrid’s Missing Secret Filter; I like to move it move it; I’m a nerd; Lumos Knox; McGonaGo-Girl; Muggleluvin Muffin; Sirius is a Skibidy Sigma Rizzler; Took too much physics in college; Orangutan emoji; Where in the World is Count Ravioli; and Whiiiiiipendo! And here’s next week’s Quizzitch question: What wrestler, who stood at the giant height of seven feet four inches, was also an actor, starring in a film that featured not a Forbidden Forest, but a Fire Swamp? Submit your answer to us on the MuggleCast website on the Quizzitch form, which can be found by visiting MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or on the MuggleCast website at the main nav on top.

Andrew: Thanks, everyone, for listening. Don’t forget to visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast to become a member and support us; we really appreciate your support there. Also, please leave a review in your favorite podcast app, and tell a friend about the show. Thanks, everyone, for listening. I already said that. I’m Andrew.

Eric: We can always thank them for listening. I’m Eric.

Andrew: [laughs] Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Eric: You like us!

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Thanks, everyone, for listening. Bye.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Thanks again!

Laura: Man, you’re just extra thankful today.

Eric: If it’s in the document, we’re just going to read it.

Andrew: Many thanks.

Laura: Yeah, what can we say?