Transcript #709

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #709, Hotwarts (OOTP Chapter 29, ‘Career Advice’)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And we are your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books, the movies, and the upcoming TV show – and we have some news on that this week – so make sure you follow us in your favorite podcast app, and that way you’ll never miss an episode. And after we talk about the latest Harry Potter TV casting news, get ready to work through your daddy issues, because we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 29, “Career Advice.”


News


Andrew: So yeah, we got a lot of casting announcements. We got nine new ones. Molly Weasley will be played by BAFTA winner Katherine Parkinson, while Draco and Lucius Malfoy will be played by Lox Pratt and Johnny Flynn, respectively. Leo Earley will be playing Seamus Finnigan; Alessia Leoni will be playing Parvati Patil; Sienna Moosah will play Parvati’s best friend, Lavender Brown. Bel Powley has been cast as Petunia, and BAFTA winner Daniel Rigby will play Vernon Dursley, and finally, Bertie Carvel will play Cornelius Fudge. So nine new ones. Any thoughts on these nine?

Laura: The Dursleys look hot. I didn’t realize they were going to get a glow-up in this TV show.

Micah: Laura, do you want to spend a summer with them?

Laura: [laughs] Oof. I don’t know.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: With them, or with how they’re going to be made up to be in the show?

Eric: Yeah, that’s what remains to be seen, is how they look as their character. But maybe it’s headshots in general.

Andrew: That’s true.

Eric: I don’t know the last time I was looking at actor headshots from 2025, but yeah, everyone looks real crisp.

Andrew: Yeah, there’s no real such thing as a bad headshot, to your point, Eric, right? You’ve got to look slick and sleek and all cleaned up for your headshots. That said, we did also hear this on social media a little bit, that the actors portraying Vernon and Petunia are too attractive. [laughs] And we posted a poll on social media and said, “Do you agree with this?” And actually, 72% of our listeners did feel that they are too attractive for Vernon and Petunia Dursley. I see a lot of people are saying out there on the Internet, “What’s the point of the series? It’s no different than the movies.” Well, the difference with this series is you’re going to want to [censored] Vernon Dursley.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: That’s the big difference. So get used to it, people.

Micah: You cannot say that word.

Andrew: I’m going to censor it.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: I’m sorry, what does this say about Fiona Shaw and Richard Griffiths?

Laura: Sorry, you can do what with Vernon Dursley? I didn’t hear you over the beep, Andrew.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: And let’s not forget Vernon’s company sells drills.

Andrew: It’s not like Fiona Shaw and the late…

Eric: Richard Griffiths.

Andrew: … Richard Griffiths – thank you – were unattractive folk. This is the HBO-ized version of Harry Potter, okay?

Eric: Oh, I see. I see.

Andrew: That’s what I’m seeing. Everybody on Game of Thrones is kind of hot too, right? Every HBO show has hot people. That’s how it works.

Laura: Yes.

Eric: Game of Thrones-ified Harry Potter.

Micah: Well, with Game of Thrones, there was a high likelihood that they were going to be taking off their clothes at some point too. I don’t think that’s the case for Harry Potter, as far as I’m aware.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: No, no. Let’s hope not.

Micah: At least not till Deathly Hallows.

Andrew: Yeah. Or when does Harry get into the bath? That was Goblet of Fire. [laughs]

Eric: There you go.

Micah: Goblet of Fire. But the scene that comes out of the locket for Ron with Harry and Hermione is not until Deathly Hallows.

Andrew: Ah, yeah.

Micah: I did have a question, though, and I might just be misremembering, but is Cornelius Fudge in Sorcerer’s Stone?

Laura: No.

Eric: Neither is Lucius Malfoy, and yet we got both of those castings.

Micah: That’s a good point.

Andrew: Those are very interesting observations.

Micah: Shooting two at once?

Laura: It makes me wonder how they’re going to be shooting. Yeah, I was thinking that, Micah. Are they maybe doing some consecutive shooting?

Eric: Either consecutive shooting, or they’ve found ways to – as we had suggested that they would do, I think, from the start of this announcement of the show – widen the world. We’re going to get to see Lucius Malfoy putting gold in Fudge’s pocket well before he has a big moment in the books.

Andrew: When did Fudge become Minister of Magic? Was he Minister of Magic when Harry was a newborn, when Lily and James died? Because I’m wondering, maybe that’s where we could potentially see him?

Eric: Oh, yeah. Could be.

Laura: I don’t think he was Minister at that point. I don’t know who was, though.

Andrew: Okay.

Eric: I think it was recent, within the last five years of Book 1.

Micah: 1990 is when Fudge became Minister.

Andrew: Okay, so he wouldn’t have… okay. Well, I think this basically confirms, then, that they’re going to film at least the first two books back to back, and the reason they would want to do this is because these kids are going to be growing up fast. They don’t want to waste too much time, so you would think that they film at least the first two books and then the kids look like they’re aging a little slower than they actually are.

Laura: Yeah, well, and I think especially with the movies, we know that Movies 1 and 2 were shot pretty close together, but there was a big break between Movie 2 and Movie 3, and then a big break between 3 and 4, and so on and so forth. So it’s just… by the time these movies finished, these kids were, what, all pushing 20? 19?

Andrew: Right.

Laura: And I mean, with a TV show, for how much longer I think the production runway is on something like that, there is a really big risk that if they don’t shoot things carefully, these kids are going to be 30 by the time it’s done.

Eric: Like the Stranger Things kids.

Andrew: This is kind of what we’ve been seeing… that’s what I was just going to say, yeah. You look at the kids in Stranger Things Season 1, they basically look like toddlers. And then you look at Seasons 4 and the upcoming Season 5, and it’s like, “Oh my God, they’re adults. What happened?” Only… I mean, how much time passes across that series? It can’t be that much time.

Eric: No, no, no, it’s not at all. But yeah, they took three years to release seasons. It’s wild.

Andrew: Right, yeah. And that’s unfortunately what happens in the world of streaming; they take their darn time. So those are the latest casting announcements. Filming begins this summer, so stick with MuggleCast for continuing Harry Potter TV show coverage. If you love MuggleCast and want to help us keep the show running as smoothly as the Weasley twins’ escape from Hogwarts, visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledge today. You’ll get instant access to two bonus MuggleCast episodes every month; you’ll also get ad-free episodes, a new physical gift every year, and a lot more also. Right now on our Patreon, you can find the “Never Sever Us” audiobook. This is my dirty Cursed Child fanfiction. Patrons have access to it as part of their membership, but non-patrons can make a one-time purchase to listen or read it. And the reason that I bring it up now is because it is Pride Month, and because it is a gay fanfiction, 50% of proceeds from your purchase will benefit the Trevor Project, which is a hotline for LGBTQ youth. If you’re looking for other ways to support us, you can visit MuggleCastMerch.com to buy official gear. Also, we would appreciate a review in your favorite podcast app, and please tell a friend about the show. Lastly, you can visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all this information and lots more, like our contact form.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: Now it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 29, “Career Advice.”

Eric: And we last talked about this lovely chapter on MuggleCast 466, which was titled “Weasleys Victorious,” and that was for May 19, 2020. Let’s listen to a little clip from there.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 466.

Micah: He has no backup plan or security in place, which I think is really just hasty decision-making on his part. He doesn’t even employ the help of Ron or Hermione or anybody in this plan; there’s nobody standing outside of the office to make sure that Filch or Umbridge or anybody comes in. And on top of it, he doesn’t lock the door!

[Eric and Ryan laugh]

Micah: Or doesn’t close it. Filch comes in and he’s like, “Oh, she left it open.” Harry, what are you doing?

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Yeah, this was not well thought through.

Ryan: Future Auror right there.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Oh, boy.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Micah: Micah was fired up!

Eric: Yeah, this reminds me of our discussion about Arthur Weasley and “scout the route” from this read-through…

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Eric: … but going way back to just “What is Harry doing?”

Micah: Yeah, what is Harry doing? That’s a great question. And great episode last week, by the way, with Julian.

Andrew: Oh, yeah, that was fun.

Eric: One of these days we’ve got to get Micah and Julian together on the same episode.

Micah: I told him the next time we’re just going to do a MuggleCast the two of us to make up for the fact that the last two times he’s been on, I haven’t been able to be there.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: That sounds fine by me.

Micah: But yeah, he did a great job.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Micah: So we are going to start this chapter talking about Harry’s state of mind, because he is very much reeling from what he learned about his father in Snape’s worst memory. He feels betrayed and disillusioned after witnessing James’s behavior. So I wanted to ask, what do we think this reveals about Harry’s perception of James? Is it one of those situations where even our heroes have flaws? I would tend to think yes, but I know there’s a lot here where we can talk about that Harry doesn’t really have a whole lot to work with, right, when it comes to James, so there’s only so much that he’s learned up until this point, and certainly the experience that he has inside of the Pensieve is just absolutely devastating to him.

Eric: And he had to witness it so close up, too. It’s not like somebody takes Harry aside and is like, “You know, your dad wasn’t all great, and a couple of times he provoked people without…” Harry had to witness it and have his mind’s eye view of his dad just shattered. I think he’s just still in shock about it all. And the chapter mentions that James and Sirius were once compared to the Weasley twins, which is very charitable, because the Weasley twins are generally good-natured, and this just doesn’t mesh with anything Harry has come to expect, and it eats away at him to the point where he just actually regrets looking like James. That somebody would do this to another person, that his dad would do this to Snape… and people always tell him how much he looked like James, and his heart always used to swell at this news, and now he’s like, “Oh my God, I’ve got to change my hair or something.” [laughs] “Gotta do something.”

Andrew: Yeah. Well, and Harry has had this blank slate to paint his own vision of James on, and he’s heard a thing or two over the years from various adults; he’s heard something from McGonagall, a thing or two from Sirius and Hagrid, just kind of little bits and pieces. And of course, I would imagine that if you didn’t know your father as you were growing up, you were trying to paint as charitable an image as possible. And Harry really has had no reason to be deeply concerned about his parents. He can look in the mirror and see that he’s a good guy. His friends think he’s a good guy. Dumbledore thinks he’s… all kinds of people think he’s a good guy; he has no reason to think James wouldn’t have been a good guy either. So to go from that to seeing his father at his worst and bullying his now teacher, Snape, that’s a hard pill to swallow and process. Harry would need a lot of time. I think anybody would need a lot of time to process this information after years of thinking differently of his father.

Micah: I think that’s key, though, what you said, because this is the first time he’s actually seeing him. Yes, he’s gotten images in the Mirror of Erised, or the photo of the Order of the Phoenix, but…

Eric: The photo album Hagrid gave him at the end of…

Micah: The photo album that Hagrid gives him. But this is him actually seeing James in action. And yes, it’s one of the worst possible moments, but definitely leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

Laura: Well, and it also proves Snape right. Snape has been crap-talking James for years, and Harry has been able to write everything that Snape has said off because Snape is clearly a horrible human in Harry’s eyes, so he’s thinking, “He’s probably just jealous of my dad. Why would my dad do that?” And not only is he getting to see, for the first time, his dad in action, it’s his dad in action doing the thing that Snape always said he did. That’s a really bitter pill to swallow, especially when at the end of the chapter last week, Harry turns around and Snape, the current, present day version of Snape, is in the memory with him. That’s horrifying. Can you imagine how jarring that is?

Micah: Just more broadly, I think we all have this tendency to put parents or authority figures on pedestals, only to come to the realization that they themselves are human and, just like us, flawed. And I thought it’s a nice setup to Dumbledore’s backstory that we get a little bit later on in the series, because if James was on a pedestal that was, let’s say, this high, Dumbledore is on a pedestal that’s way up here, and… talk about falling down a few pegs.

Eric: Well, I think that the very interesting thing is… I guess if you had said to Harry, “Oh, James wasn’t perfect,” Harry would be like, “Okay, James wasn’t perfect.” He never expects to be confronted, or have to confront exactly where James’s failures were. And yeah, I think it’s just the visceral way in which he saw them that really just caused… he’s listless. He has no real driving force forward. Because if Snape was right about this, you guys, what else has Snape been right about all these years?

Andrew: [laughs] That’s an equally hard pill to swallow.

Eric: That’s the worst question you ever have to ask. It’s like, “Oh, man.”

Micah: Well, he’s not right that Harry is bad at Potions, because Harry disproves that a little bit later on in this chapter.

Eric: Well, sort of. But he is right that Harry doesn’t do the base most level of studying or work, though, at least in other subjects.

Micah: Fair. Now, I thought it could be fun to compare and contrast how James, for the brief time that he’s with us, seems to mature and grow out of this type of behavior, whereas Snape remains an immature, bitter human being, and all we have to do is look a little bit further into this chapter with how he treats Harry. What’s everyone’s thoughts on that?

Eric: Yeah, this is really difficult, because I think that in Snape’s worst memory, it’s the James show, right? It’s the James and Sirius show, mostly James. James takes the lead, gets Snape upside down, is the one that’s being called out by Lily and making all the students laugh. The best thing that that character can do to be redeemed is sacrifice themself for evil, and we see James through either… I think it’s the Boggart Dementor scenes in Book 3, or at some point we hear James say to Lily, “Take Harry and go.” And we know that James stood his ground and bought Lily and Harry some time on the night when they were murdered, so there’s some level of selflessness. Well, there’s a huge level of selflessness. It shows that James really, literally put his own ego aside and tried to protect those that he loved. So here you see he’s capable of loving something other than himself and his silly messed-up hair, a few short years after Snape’s worst memory took place.

Andrew: Yeah, Harry is right about one thing when it comes to James and Snape, and it’s that Snape has always been out there, and a bitch, let’s say.

Eric: Oddball?

Andrew: An oddball.

Eric: Oh, yeah, the word that gets used…

Andrew: He’s odd, but he’s also mean, and that has never changed about him. At least, even though Harry is having a hard time accepting this now, James did change. James did mature, and we also see hints of this later in this chapter when Harry risks everything to talk to Sirius and Lupin, and Sirius and Lupin are like, “I’m not proud of what we did at that time.” Would Snape say the same thing about actions he did when he was a student at Hogwarts? I’m not sure that he would.

Eric: That’s a really interesting…

Micah: This raises an interesting question for me, though, too, because one of the reasons why we could point to James changing the way that he did is Lily. Would Snape have changed if Lily showed him the same affection that she showed James?

[Andrew sighs]

Eric: Well, and are we all on the same page that the reason that that is Snape’s worst memory is because of his gut reaction to call Lily a Mudblood, thus cementing the decline of their relationship?

Laura: Yeah. I think it’s intended to be another misdirect about the Snape and Lily relationship. We’re intended to believe it’s his worst memory because of James bullying him and the manner in which he does that, and obviously that is traumatic, and I think it deserves a ranking in your worst memories; it is one of Snape’s worst memories. But we know the amount of regret that Snape carries for what ultimately happens to Lily and how he inadvertently contributes to that, so it can all be traced back to this moment. I mean, this is, I think, the final nail in the coffin for Snape and Lily’s friendship.

Eric: Pretty well hidden little detail there.

Andrew: But it is a major flaw of Snape that his future happiness was tied to Lily. I mean, the dude… we say it a lot on the show, normally about the kids, but Snape needs to go to therapy. Snape needs to move on already. Snape needs to break out of his shell and loosen up a little bit. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah! There’s got to be Potions conventions you can go to. I mean, he’s the Half-Blood Prince. There’s no potion he can’t make.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: Potions-Con.

Laura: I think Snape died when Lily died, honestly.

Andrew: Oooh.

Eric: That’s a heck of a thing. That means a g-g-g-ghost saved the world.

[Micah laughs]

Laura: Well, I mean metaphorically, of course. I think he would be happier if he had also died.

Micah: And I would think under normal circumstances, having witnessed something like this, that the memory would have affected Harry’s feelings towards Snape if Snape wasn’t a total ass-hat.

Eric: The interesting thing about this is I think that it’s Snape’s continued awful behavior that gets Harry to snap out of that one little aspect of feeling really, really bad, because Snape is horrible during Potions this time. And it’s like, if Snape had just given Harry a little bit of distance, I think Harry would have just continued to feel guilty, apologetic, and it might have led to, I don’t know, better grades or more effort in Potions. Something. Who knows?

Micah: Yeah, or maybe not complete alienation by the end of this book, which leads to a lot of other things happening.

Eric: Sure does.

Micah: The one thing that Harry doesn’t do, that he normally does quite often, is share the contents of the memory with Ron and Hermione. I feel like that’s a big misstep on his part.

Eric: I would agree with this. I think that… and it’s not entirely clear why Harry feels like this is his cross to bear only. His sour mood is very visible to everyone that’s watching him, and I feel like maybe it’s just because nobody feels the way toward Lily and James that Harry has all of his life. They’re who he sees in the Mirror of Erised; they’re his parents. And maybe… I don’t know. I think this chapter wants to show that Hermione is doing all sorts of other stuff, like with the timetables for the studying and Ron’s… the crushing weight of exams…

Andrew: [in an intense voice] Crushing weight.

Eric: … but he just doesn’t take the time to… this is what friends are for, and he’s not letting them help him.

Laura: Yeah, but I don’t think Harry really knows how to ask for help. It’s not something the Dursleys would have taught him.

Eric: That’s true.

Andrew: What about the hot Dursleys? Would they have taught him this?

Laura: Hey, maybe.

Eric: The hot Dursleys have their own hotline.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: The new and improved Dursleys, here only on HBO Max. But yeah, I mean, I think that… man, where was I going to go with that point? I think that…

Micah: You were too distracted by the Dursleys.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I know; they’re just so hot.

Micah: Can’t wait for Dudley.

Andrew: Vernon’s six pack.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: Can’t restrain myself. But yeah, I mean, I think that Harry… one of the major themes of this book that we’ve touched on before – maybe not so much in recent episodes, but definitely the beginning of the book – is isolation, and how isolated Harry feels because he’s very alone in a lot of the experiences that he’s having. So who could he go confide in about what he saw in Snape’s Pensieve who would even remotely begin to be able to relate to him?

Andrew: Yeah. So kind of on a related note, I’m not upset that he didn’t approach Ron and Hermione about this, but why not approach McGonagall? Or even try to talk to Snape again and approach Snape and open with “I’m mad at my father after learning about what he did to you”? And yes, I know, we’ve got to remember he’s a child, but if I were him, in hindsight, maybe I would wish that I approached it this way, because this whole idea of going to Sirius and breaking into Umbridge’s office is incredibly risky. I was stressed reading that break-in and reading his chat with Lupin and Sirius because I was just waiting for Umbridge to pull him out of the fire and murder him.

Eric: Well, I think the real problem is that Harry doesn’t know… it’s true that he doesn’t know how to ask for help; he also just doesn’t know what he needs. It’s really only until he’s prompted by Ginny, who’s noticed him being down, that he’s like, “I think I need to talk to Sirius.” Sirius is his only parental figure, and that’s kind of what I think it’s dawning on him he needs to help console him about his parent.

Micah: Yeah, and for Harry, though, I do think there would have been some type of… well, Hermione in this chapter throughout is just so adamant about him not going and doing this, and I do feel she probably would have provided some rational thought around James’s behavior or what Harry saw in the memory that maybe would have calmed him down a little bit. And I could see Ron jumping in here too; Ron has some nuggets of wisdom from time to time.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: They give them all to Hermione in the movies, though, so hopefully they’ll change that in the show.

Micah: [laughs] Yeah, they’d better change that in the show. Now, one thing I wanted to quickly touch on… because you would think that in looking at this particular memory, that Harry would be seeing it from Snape’s perspective. But we were told by the author in an interview back in 2005 that memories are unbiased, which…

Eric: When viewed in the Pensieve.

Micah: Oh, okay, when viewed in the Pensieve.

Eric: Yeah, the magic of the Pensieve is that you step outside yourself; you can see things objectively, I guess. That’s how I’ve always thought that it worked.

Micah: Unless you’re Horace Slughorn.

Laura: But memory is not objective, though. That’s my problem with this.

Micah: I agree, Laura.

Laura: If the memory comes… because the thing is, we see – and I’m sorry, I’m going on a little bit of a tangent here, because the Pensieve has always bothered me – but if they’re taking the memories from themselves, how does the memory become unbiased? Is there a bias filter in the Pensieve when they drop it in?

Eric: Well, I think that just the sheer act of experiencing it may… if you go into the Pensieve and you’re in someone’s head, like Being John Malkovich, you’d be biased. You have bias, because this is happening to you. When you’re in the Pensieve, you’re boots on the ground across the room, you can watch what everyone else’s reactions are to the thing that was happening to the memory-haver at the time, plus something down the hall that you would barely have been able to pick up. You know in…? I’m thinking about, was it Crimes of Grindelwald, the one in Paris, where Newt throws down the magic dust, and there’s footprints from where everyone had been, and he relives the magic, and I’m like, “What the heck is this magic?” I’m starting to think that maybe that is related to the magic of the Pensieve somehow, in that you have this memory of a time that happened, and the Pensieve can infer from that memory… it’s almost like time travel. Portal into the past kind of, in a way. But any answer that I would give would involve it being unbiased. I just think that makes the most sense based on what we see the Pensieve used for.

Laura: And so here’s the thing, though, and why it bothers me. And I mean, I hear you, Eric; if the canon of the book is that we’re saying the Pensieve is unbiased, and we just accept that, that’s fine. But if it’s unbiased, then why don’t they use it for more things?

Eric: Why don’t they use Veritaserum for everything?

Laura: Yeah, I know. It’s crazy.

Micah: Well, it’s not unbiased, because I mean, just look at the memory that Slughorn tried to taint.

Eric: Well, he alters it, right? He removes and paints over what really happened, so there’s a way to do that.

Andrew: To modify it, yeah.

Micah: But it would still be coming from his perspective. That’s the thing that bothers me.

Andrew: Yeah, it’s a little… in this interview that we’re citing, the author says, of the Pensieve, “It’s reality. It’s important that I have got that across, because Slughorn gave Dumbledore this pathetic cut-and-paste memory. He didn’t want to give the real thing, and he very obviously patched it up and cobbled it together. So what you remember is accurate in the Pensieve.” So I think the author could have extrapolated a little more here on what exactly the difference is. How do you cut and paste and do this pathetic memory modification? Versus…

Eric: You don’t have Final Memory Pro, Andrew? On your MacBook?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: No, I don’t pay for that subscription.

Eric: Oh, okay.

Andrew: I just think we still need a little more clarification here. And like Laura, I’m willing to accept that this is canon, because she says so.

Eric: Well, I just… that’s the whole value of Dumbledore revisiting these memories in the Pensieve to get a better grasp on the puzzle that is how Voldemort is still alive. You throw a bunch of people’s memories into the Pensieve, you go in, and you’re able to see… even if Dumbledore is there… like in the courtroom scene in Book 4, Dumbledore is there, but he’s able to witness other reactions across the room. You can infer other characters’ culpability in crimes and things by being able to just get outside your own head.

Micah: Which is, I guess, where the magic of it comes in. There has to be some element of magic in order for that to be possible, unless the water within the Pensieve is the same water that they use in Thief’s Downfall, and it just cleanses everything. [laughs] That’s my headcanon.

Eric: It cleanses your bias, yeah.

Andrew: Last thing I’ll say on this is why isn’t everything…? It was asked before; why isn’t everything in the Pensieve? Why isn’t Veritaserum used more? I would like to think that when it comes to the Pensieve in particular, this is a very rare object to hold, and maybe the water is very hard to attain, too. And I think maybe the wizarding world might want to, without putting it into law, put some boundaries on these types of things, because it might be a little dangerous to be able to take every memory out of your head. Like I was talking about a few weeks ago, what happens to that memory when you do pull it out of your head? Do you forget about it until you put it back in? That kind of sounds dangerous.

Eric: Yeah, it’s supposed to work that way, because Dumbledore says his head is too crowded sometimes.

Andrew: And humans shouldn’t be able to operate that way, right? Like, “Oh, I don’t want to remember that terrible dinner I had yesterday, so let me pull that memory out of my head.” It shouldn’t be that easy. Go get a better dinner.

Eric: Well, and that’s the interesting… well, no, you need to keep the memory, because otherwise you’ll go back to that same awful restaurant and you’ll order the same thing.

Andrew and Laura: Right.

Laura: That’s the thing.

Eric: That’s why you need it.

Andrew: But so this is the consequence of being able to pull out so many memories.

Laura: But how do you remember to put them back?

Eric: The whole reason Snape has Dumbledore’s Pensieve is so that he can take stuff out of his head that Harry won’t be able to see by breaking into his brain, so Harry just cuts out the middle man and goes into the Pensieve. [laughs] But yeah, I think that things like the love for Lily, you can never really erase unless you erase a ton of memories and completely forget somebody by erasing every little moment. So Snape will still feel loss; Snape will still feel some level of responsibility, guilt, all those things, but the individual moments of whatever caused those feelings to happen are gone. They aren’t going to be accessible by somebody trying to read Snape’s mind.

Micah: Well, speaking of forgetting things, Harry is so hell bent on speaking to Sirius, looking for some explanation that rationalizes his father’s behavior, that he completely forgets that his godfather gave him a device for exactly this type of situation, and I quote, “A way of letting me know if Snape’s giving you a hard time.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Well, that applies. The parameters, everybody.

Micah: Mirror, mirror, where art thou?

Eric: [laughs] I think the problem is Harry takes that, assumes that it’s something that’s going to get them both in trouble or Sirius caught, and resolves to never use it, to never look at the bottom of his trunk. The day he gets the gift, he’s like, “Oh, I’ll never look at this.”

Micah: But it’s far more risky for him to go into Dolores Umbridge’s office and use her fireplace to communicate with Sirius.

Laura: Right.

Eric: It certainly is, yeah.

Laura: I also just think it would have been good after the fact to be like, “Hey, Harry, you should open that present I gave you at Christmas.”

Eric: Yeah, Sirius doesn’t bring it up, and that, to me, is the surprising part, because Sirius would know immediately that somebody Floo traveling to his kitchen, which is a protected headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix, is so much more dangerous than just using the mirror. And he should have been like, “Harry, thrilled to see you. Need to know why you’re here. But first, you didn’t open your present? I gave you a much easier way. I literally am living my life with the mirror next to me the last 30 days, and you ain’t used it? What’s going on?”

Andrew: I just think Sirius is so shocked by Harry’s appearance in the first place that he’s not even really thinking about that. And he might be also thinking in the back of his head, “Time is of the essence right now, probably. Harry definitely shouldn’t be doing this, so we need to make this meeting quick, and there’s probably no time to talk about the mirror.” And I think this sets up Harry later wishing he had used it sooner to communicate with Sirius after he passes and he tries to continue.

Eric: Got to give our characters guilt.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: One of the more challenging moments for Harry in this chapter – and there are a few of them – is returning to Snape’s class and coming face to face with him for the first time since Snape’s worst memory. And we discussed this on Episode 466, and we touched on it a bit at the top of the episode, but it is quite telling that when Harry isn’t under constant scrutiny from Snape, he’s actually halfway decent at Potions.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, Harry was dreading Potions, and then it turns out Snape is just ignoring him. So for most of the class, he actually has a decently good run of things, like you said, Micah. He makes a, by all accounts, competent Invigoration Draught.

Micah: And what happens? Snape smashes it.

Eric: It spills.

Andrew: Snape smash!

Eric: Well, Harry turns his back. I don’t know. Anything could’ve happened.

Micah: That’s fair. We don’t know what happened.

Eric: But then Draco is like, “Oops!” Or Snape is like, “Oops.”

Andrew: And Hermione, a couple minutes later, is also like, “Oops. Thought you were done. Sorry about that!”

Eric: Yeah, it’s the perfect cataclysm here. Just so many bad things.

Micah: I did want to call attention to the fact that invigoration is the state of being energized or stimulated – made fresher, more vibrant – so it’s only appropriate that Snape smashes this in this particular moment.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: He’s such a buzzkill, literally.

Laura: He doesn’t want that.

Andrew: I do have a hard time drumming up sympathy for Harry here, though. I mean, he did purposely check out Snape’s very private memory. Yes, there’s the student/teacher dynamics, and we know Snape is a bad teacher already, but Harry really doesn’t deserve to be treated particularly well this class, I’ll say. I’ll give Snape a pass this time.

Eric: Ehh…

Laura: Yeah, but Harry is a child.

Eric: Well…

Andrew: Who broke into an adult’s memories.

Laura: Yeah, but that same adult also broke into Harry’s memories.

Eric: It’s actually quite… well, he had Dumbledore’s permission to do that.

Andrew: By order of Dumbledore.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Did we both pick the same line about Dumbledore just then? [laughs] My thing is, I think it’s underplayed – because we’re not with Snape as a point of view character – just how much of a violation that was. I think it’s… because Harry is so guilty about having done it that we sit with that and we feel bad for Harry, but yeah, it’s a huge violation. I remember the first time in 2020 that we went through the Dumbledore leaving the school scene, and we had this whole debate about Marietta and whether memory wiping her was the right call because of her agency being taken away. It’s that level of violation, I think, that is really being done here. We could have a whole thing on it. But Snape is doing what he does best, which is being a little jerk and giving Harry F’s, and Harry is so used to it that he just walks away.

Laura: Yeah, and Snape is also setting Harry up to fail in a couple of ways. And I just think because Harry is so consumed with grief and confusion about what he’s just learned about his father, it can be easy to overlook this, but Snape is not only penalizing Harry by failing him in Potions, he’s also making him fail at Occlumency, and as a result, bring about what happens at the end of this book.

Eric: And not just Sirius’s death; all the danger that the children who go with Harry face at the Ministry. Any one of them could have died. The collateral damage is a lot bigger than just Sirius’s, putting his neck on the line.

Laura: Totally.

Eric: Could have been the end of the war. I mean, Harry could have died.

Micah: Snape is just petty at the end of the day, and this particular moment, as there are many in this series, is just in no way becoming of a professor. I’m sorry.

Andrew: No.

Micah: I can see what you’re saying, Andrew, in terms of it’s tough to feel bad for Harry, because he did step over the line, but Snape is also supposed to be an adult. Imagine you’re in science class, Andrew.

Andrew: [laughs] Uh-huh? Go ahead.

Micah: You’re in chemistry class, let’s say. You spent all class putting together this particular concoction that was on the board, and you’re so happy because you did a good job for one of the first times. And you bring it up to the professor, you turn your back to go back to your desk, and you just hear everything splatter all over the floor. How would you react?

Andrew: [laughs] I would say, “Professor Micah, I know I just broke into your memories a few days ago, but you didn’t have to do that.”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: No, it’d be very frustrating. You’re right. But this is nothing new for Snape; we know he behaves this way, and it’s awful that he does. I’m just saying this time I can almost forgive him.

Micah: Right, okay, but this entire chapter for Harry is extremely stressful, right?

Andrew: Yes.

Micah: And this class doesn’t help. And we’re going to start to talk a little bit about Harry’s career advice session with McGonagall, but initially he’s so distracted that he forgets to go. He forgets the appointment.

Eric: [laughs] Hermione saves him.

Micah: Well, and one of many times. This is a scene that I know we’ve talked about quite a bit. It needs to be Maxed, all of it. The interaction between McGonagall and Umbridge, how McGonagall stands up for Harry in this particular moment, is just one of the defining moments for her as a character, and I think it parallels Harry standing up for her in Deathly Hallows to the Carrows, and even using one of the Unforgivable Curses. So I’m just disappointed that we won’t get Imelda…

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

Andrew: [singing along to the sound effect] Aaahhh, hot Dursleys…

Micah: Maybe we’re going to get hot Umbridge.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Let’s work those vocals into that clip from now on, the “Max that.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Add a sizzle at the end of the “Max that.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Yes, you’re right. I mean, this is one of the opportunities with the Harry Potter TV show I think we’re so looking forward to, the opportunity to dive into certain scenes that were tragically not adapted for the movies. I think this is the perfect example of something that could very easily be included in the TV show. There’s some great character development here for McGonagall and Umbridge. It’s going to be fun to watch Harry deal with Umbridge and how McGonagall reacts to Umbridge being there. It seems apparent that the author or Max knows that McGonagall is evidently a popular character, because they were trying to shoehorn her into the Fantastic Beasts series. [laughs]

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Andrew: So I mean, here’s an opportunity to give us more McGonagall in a way that actually we should have gotten in the first place.

Eric: Well, and the interesting… I think that the reason this works so well in this chapter, “Career Advice,” is, I mean, partly because it’s news to Harry that McGonagall would go so hard for him, but we’ve been there every previous interaction that Harry and McGonagall have had together. She’s his Head of House. The movies never adapted a lot of that stuff, and a lot of it wasn’t adaptation-worthy; it’s just her thoughts on Snape’s bias at a Quidditch game. But if the show actually shows all those little moments, I think this whole scene pays off. Five years down the road, this whole scene pays off even more because McGonagall has this cold reserve. This is the first time she really throws it on the line in the face of terrible penalty, potentially. And I would just like to see that relationship, specifically between McGonagall and Harry, grow to then culminate in this scene. So I don’t want any moment of McGonagall from the books that was in the books to be cut from the show. I want to see it all, and more.

Andrew: And more.

Micah: Yeah, to your point, she says some pretty damning things, including, “Well, maybe Cornelius Fudge won’t be Minister by the time Harry is ready to become an Auror.”

Laura: Hell yeah.

Eric: How can you say that to Dolores, who’s literally built her whole life around propping Fudge up?

Micah: And she questions Umbridge’s competency as a teacher.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: So there are some really good zingers in there. But I did think it was nice to see McGonagall balance encouragement for Harry with the realism of where he’s at currently in his academic career. And I think for Harry, it’s nice to think about his future in a context that doesn’t necessarily involve battling Voldemort. Every time you talk about Harry’s future, it’s always about him and Voldemort.

Andrew: Okay, this is why I love this chapter and scene so much, because I still remember for the first time reading this, and I was feeling “The series is growing up! Harry is growing up!” And I totally agree with that; this is probably the first time we’re looking at post-Hogwarts life at least seriously, and that’s a big deal. So I actually like that this happens. I know we were scheduled to talk about this a little later, but Micah, you wanted to ask: Does Harry really know what he wants to do at 15? I don’t really think that’s the point; I think this is an opportunity to get them thinking ahead and maybe put some plans together that they don’t have to commit to. But I think when we’re all teens – and maybe this is a little on the young side to start thinking this – but when you’re a teen, let’s say maybe 19, 20, 21, you’re like, “Oh my God, what am I going to do with my life?” A session with your Head of House about your future plans could help deal with that, those feelings, those concerns.

Laura: Totally. Yeah, I know we’re going to get into talking a little bit more about career advice and starting those conversations as teenagers after the break, but I did just want to maybe put in a little bit of a devil’s advocate point here: Is Harry actually thinking about a post-Voldemort world in thinking about being an Auror? Because he’s basically been in a mini Aurorship since he was 11. It kind of feels like he’s looking to the one career path that aligns with everything that he knows already and that he knows he’s good at, which is kind of sad, because you don’t know if he actually wants to do that, or if it’s just he’s always done it and it’s what’s familiar, and that’s why he’s gravitating towards it. He doesn’t really give any consideration to anything else.

Micah: And if anybody has the prerequisites to be an Auror…

Laura: Right, totally.

Eric: [laughs] What’s on his CV? Just “Defeated the Dark Lord, defeated the Dark Lord…”

Micah: Four times now?

Andrew: Well, Umbridge disagrees with you, but yeah, the rest of us agree with you. No, it’s a good point, Laura. I hear that. On the other hand, maybe that was sort of fate Harry had all these experiences. He’s always been born to be an Auror, and if he still wants to be an Auror at this present stage and after he graduates from Hogwarts, I guess that should tell you that he really likes fighting crime.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: I think it’s… okay, I’m going to choose a middle ground here and say that it is the only thing Harry knows. He has not been encouraged to find other passions, because Dumbledore’s express will was that he’d be raised like a pig for slaughter. He’s going to be the guy that gets Voldemort in the end, because the prophecy says that he has to be. And I think in this moment also with McGonagall, he pulls it out of his back wand pocket. He has not done any planning; he doesn’t know what he’s going to say. And I think the moment where he tells McGonagall, “Well, I thought I’d be an Auror, actually,” he’s just echoing what imposter Moody told him last year to do. And it’s also kind of sad because we know that Harry does become an Auror, and so does Ron; they’re Aurors together, but it’s kind of like still sticking yourself in the whole Voldemort business, because even though Voldemort is gone, who are the first people you’re going to get as Aurors? It’s all the stragglers, Death Eaters, people that fought for Voldemort in the war. And so you’re actually dooming yourself; Harry is dooming himself to continually immerse himself in the world of collateral damage and the fallout of the defeat of Voldemort. So say Harry wins, what does he have to look forward to? Getting the rest of the Death Eaters off the streets.

Micah: He could play Quidditch. He’s pretty good at that.

Eric: Ginny does that.

Micah: Well, we’re going to take a quick break, and when we come back, we’re going to see if we can make some real life connections, and did we ever have any career conversations like this when we were in school? We all wanted to be podcasters, right?

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: We were, in high school! Some of us.

[Ad break]

Micah: I’ll throw it out to the group: Did we ever have any of these career conversations when we were in school? And I think we can bring in part of the discussion that was below, too, in so much of it is predicated on standardized test scores, right? We hear this get brought up constantly when McGonagall is talking with Harry about “You need this grade; you need this type of OWL in this subject, and you need this NEWT grade in this subject.” And I feel like we all probably went through that to some extent, especially as we were looking at colleges, right?

Laura: Totally.

Eric: Yeah, I think for me, we had software. There was a career class or career expectations or choices; we met maybe once a week for maybe six weeks in school as part of the curriculum. And there was this software that started you out with a personality test, and you’d take the personality test, figure out… it might have been the four letters. Myers-Briggs, is it? INFJ…

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Eric: That. Thank you, Laura. And then it was like, “Here are the careers that people who are this are good at, thrive in, whatever,” and then from there, we’d do a little research on that, eventually choose some careers, and then there was, “Here are the schools you can go to that major in that.” And so it was like a… we had to present after this period of time what our personality test results were, what discipline we thought of doing, and then what school offers it. So that was kind of the first… I remember it being the first time we had to actively look at colleges we might apply to in the summer.

Laura: Yeah, I remember doing something similar starting around age 14 to 15, which looking back, just feels so early. I had no idea what I wanted to do. I don’t know what I want to do now; I’m 36.

Andrew: What?!

Laura: So you never grow out of it, truth be told. That’s the secret of life.

Eric: We have 20 years of podcasting behind us. Do you think we should just coast and just keep doing that for a while?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: I would love that. But yeah, I mean, I just think as a kid that age, you’re learning who you are, and you’re trying on a lot of different hats, and when you’re thinking about future career aspirations, it’s kind of the same thing. I think I wanted… when I was that age, 14 to 15, I remember thinking I would be a teacher, and I did do that for two years, and then changed fields. And then I wanted to be a speech language pathologist, which I never did, never pursued. And I had vague general desires to be a writer. I write these podcast planning docs, so I guess that kind of works?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Which, you’re so good! I mean, we keep talking about you behind your back. We’re like, “She did it again! This is gold!”

Andrew: “Yeah, she should have been a writer!”

Laura: Aw, thanks, guys.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: We made Laura blush, y’all.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I don’t feel like I had career conversations in school. I don’t think they were really giving them to us, but I kind of wish they did in hindsight. It would have been interesting to journal during these career conversations and look back on those.

Eric: The reason I suggested Harry half-assed his Auror line is because I half-assed these assessments. I said that I was going to be an actor. You had to report what the income was for your profession, so I was just like, “Millions.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Kind of thing. And when I finally got to the career advisor about it all, I just kind of was like, “Yeah, there’s a few…” I had to look up schools, so I knew maybe Temple in Philadelphia, maybe NYU, but that was really as far as it got, because I just didn’t know. And so I was like, “Well, what does an actor make?”

Micah: $5, most.

Eric: Right.

Micah: No, it’s such a good point. And I think that you can look back and probably relate with Harry from the standpoint of we have standardized tests from the state level here in New York, so it was all about the Regents Exams and how you’re going to score on those exams, and that was going to determine how you were set up, along with the SATs, for getting into college. And it feels very similar for Harry, although the trajectory here is presumably… there’s no real post-Hogwarts education; it’s all getting into particular professions, most of which seem to be government-related, and so he needs to make sure he gets these type of OWLs and these type of NEWTs. And so I agree with what you have here, too, Laura, saying asking teenagers to lock in at this early an age just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Laura: No, I think we do it too early, culturally. I’m particularly thinking about Western countries; I think there is a lot of pressure put on literal children to make commitments that are going to affect them for the rest of their lives. I just really feel that strongly the older that I get, and revisiting this chapter really brought that feeling back for me a lot. Reading about Harry’s perspective as he’s having this conversation where he’s talking about what plans he’s committing to for the next probably decade of his life, it’s kind of jarring, honestly.

Eric: My big takeaway from this, too, is I don’t think we ever see Hogwarts teachers keeping grades. We see them get their parchment back with a letter on it, but the idea that there’s this whole, I don’t know, manila envelope that McGonagall is able to pull out with Lupin’s two-year-old quotes about Harry’s prowess is really satisfying. I don’t know. It’s like the teachers… we often talk about how the teachers at Hogwarts are jokes, [laughs] but apparently they keep – or at least some of them keep – good enough notes. And to your point, Laura, with it being so young, Harry is looking… if he wants to be an Auror, that’s three additional years of training, is what McGonagall tells him, which is one of the few things we hear about happening after Hogwarts. But three more years? Harry ain’t that great a student, but maybe it’s the prerequisites that’ll save him.

Laura: Yeah, I think he probably gets to skip the three years of exams and prep time after he defeats Voldemort. They’re probably just like, “Yeah, you’re in.”

Eric: “Yeah, you’ve got to rebuild the government. Go ahead. Hunt down the rest of the Death Eaters.”

[Laura laughs]

Micah: It is really disconcerting, though, that Umbridge is present for this career consultation that Harry has with McGonagall. I’m sure he’s nervous enough to begin with, but she has to be there, right? For the purposes of the story. But in retrospect, she really shouldn’t be there.

Andrew and Laura: No.

Micah: She’s known Harry for all of a few months, at this point.

Andrew: And only there for Harry.

Eric: Well, she’s not there because she cares.

Micah: Oh, no.

Eric: She’s there to torture him. And say that he did have a profession he was really looking forward to, she’s there to crush his dreams. That’s essentially what she tries to do.

Andrew: On the flip side, it’s very satisfying reading this, knowing where Harry ends up post-Hogwarts as an Auror, because she says, “I will do everything in my power; you’ll never become an Auror,” and he does. So that part’s nice, as frustrating as this scene is to read. I mean, no adult should be telling a student that they can’t have whatever career they’re passionate about at this age.

Laura: Yeah. It does make me wonder if she was visiting every career consult conversation McGonagall was having, or if it was only Harry’s.

Eric: It’s got to just be…

Andrew: The way it was written, Umbridge was elsewhere the rest of the day.

Laura: Okay.

Andrew: This day was dedicated for McGonagall to do these career consultations. So yeah, she singled out Harry. And by the way, I want to call out for the people who aren’t watching on YouTube or Spotify, Laura is wearing Umbridge pink today, and it’s a little unsettling.

Laura: Okay, um, I feel attacked right now.

Andrew: Well, you should. [laughs]

Laura: Geez. Okay, I will never wear pink again. Sorry.

Andrew: Not just pink, Umbridge pink. [laughs]

Laura: I mean, it’s bright pink, but it’s not… it doesn’t have kitty cats all over it.

Micah: Do you need a cough drop, Laura?

Laura: No.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: I don’t want to further this thing where we’re calling each other out for what we’re wearing to recording, because I just threw this on. [laughs]

Micah: We have the same color almost, Eric.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, we’re marooning.

Laura: Be careful, Andrew. It’s a Pandora’s box. All I’m saying is now you’ve opened it, so now it’s fair game.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: So let’s break into Umbridge’s office, and first thing I wanted to ask about was… Fred and George are really helpful to Harry in this particular moment they set the distraction. Obviously, they have bigger, loftier goals in mind with what they’re doing, but when I was reading it, it kind of dawned on me that maybe they were willing to do this because of what Harry did for them in terms of giving them the funding for Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. It seems like a pretty big risk for them to take. Obviously, we know why they do it by the end of the chapter, but curious to get your thoughts on that.

Andrew: I kind of felt like it was a risk because they’re opening a shop in Diagon Alley, which you would think has some Ministry control.

Eric: Oh.

Andrew: So I kind of find this a bit of a plot hole, that they would be able to cause this chaos, and while causing the chaos, do an ad for Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. They literally say, “Hey, check us out in our forthcoming store in Diagon Alley.”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Umbridge can’t put the kibosh on that store? I’m a little surprised by that. So yeah, I find that part risky.

Eric: I don’t know…

Laura: I don’t think that’s in her jurisdiction. I mean, I think Cornelius…

Andrew: She can’t talk to Fudge, though?

Laura: Yeah, I think he’d want to. But it kind of sounds like they already have the property, right?

Eric: Don’t they say what the address is? 93?

Micah: They do.

Andrew: I don’t know. It’s still not…

Micah: Hey, as long as they’re paying taxes.

Andrew: Well, and the other crazy thing is that Fred and George end up selling shield hats to the Ministry of Magic by the next book!

Eric: Right.

Laura: Oh, that’s a great call-out.

Eric: Yeah, look whose good graces they’re in now. Well, I think the Ministry would be able to control leases and property and who owns it and stuff in the wizarding world, so if a dissident group or somebody that had run afoul of the Ministry, they could get their lease on their building canceled. But knowing now, having played Hogwarts Legacy, and there’s a subplot where you get a shop in that, you’re just gifted that from some old house-elf, I think, at some point. So maybe they came by it in a very “We don’t know the owners” way.

Micah: Maybe.

Laura: Oh, Ariane is saying in the Discord, “They 100% funneled the money through Dung to put down the deposit.” I could see that.

Eric: Is there a lot of money in manure?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: But yeah, honestly, I kind of like that headcanon that they were working some of their seedier connections to make this happen.

Micah: Well, we talked about… or we played the clip from Episode 466 where we talked about Harry’s lack of preparation in terms of planning for breaking into Umbridge’s office. And just to reiterate, he fails to lock the door, which is probably the biggest misstep he can make. He’s almost caught by Filch. He’s never done this type of Flooing before; I don’t think that’s something that we talked about on the last episode, but this is a different type of Floo experience than what he’s experienced previously. There’s no backup plan, no security lookout, and I think maybe this is even worse than not locking the door, that he’s risking making the people who have vouched for him in this book look really, really, really, really bad if he gets caught. Top of the list would be McGonagall, and he even has this thought, right? This comes to his mind, but he feels that it’s more important that he speak to Sirius than the fallout from him getting caught by Umbridge and how that would make McGonagall look.

Andrew: And the part that really broke my heart was Dumbledore put his ass on the line for Harry just a couple chapters ago, and now Harry is risking major trouble again. Like I said earlier, I was stressed reading this, even knowing the outcome.

Micah: Unlike the movie, too, he does not get caught in his first attempt.

Andrew: Yeah, this was reckless.

Micah: Definitely.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: Especially for McGonagall. Her career would be over for good after this.

Micah: So does he get the reassurance he wanted from Sirius and Lupin?

Andrew: I actually think he does. I think all we have to know about James and Sirius comes when Sirius says that, like I said earlier, he’s not proud of messing with Snape back then, just because he was bored. And I think what that tells us and reminds us is that you do stupid things as a kid and you regret those things later. I kind of kept to myself as a kid; I wasn’t really causing much trouble, but kids were bullying me, and I like to think that another Andrew regrets strangling me in the gym one afternoon. He’s an adult now. No, I’m still not over it, but you do dumb things as a kid.

Laura: Whoa.

Eric: I’m sorry that happened.

Laura: I don’t think I knew… I knew about the Chuck E. Cheese kid, but I didn’t know about the kid in the gym.

Eric: Who’s the Chuck E. Cheese kid?

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Chuck E. Cheese kid scratched my eyes out up in the tubes. My parents sued – well, threatened to sue – Chuck E. Cheese, and I got a $10,000 savings bond out of it, and a letter from Chuck E. and a life-size Chuck E. Cheese doll. It was great.

Eric: So what’s more valuable to you? The $10,000 savings bond, or the letter from Charles Entertainment Cheese?

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Honestly, well, at the time, the letter from Chuck E. Cheese. Chuck E. himself apologizing? To me?

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Apologizing for your trauma in the tubes?

Eric: I wonder how many letters they had to send to kids who had incidents in their premises.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Mev mentioned in the Discord a really great point as well, that Harry is also risking revealing Grimmauld Place.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: That’s the big thing for me, yeah. It’s the risks. But you ever just need that emotional catharsis, and you have no way to get it except by force and you take it? I think… I remember, for most of my time having read these books, feeling like Sirius and Remus’s assurances were underwhelming. This read-through, I didn’t mind them. This read-through, I felt… it is exactly like you said, Andrew; there’s just enough there in Sirius’s obvious regret. And I think for me, the sensitivity with which… so if James were really, really bad and hadn’t reformed, Sirius and Remus would have spent more time trying to really lay on thick and convince Harry that James had reformed. They would have used examples. They would have… instead, they’re kind of just able to get into this weird lighthearted reflection moment. Harry mentions James messing up his hair, and they’re like, “I forgot he used to do that.” It’s really sweet and touching. And I think that ultimately, even though the words are few, what they say to Harry is supposed to be the final word on it. It’s like, “He got better.”

Laura: Yeah. It’s perspective, right? And that’s something Harry is lacking here, because again, this is the only time he’s gotten to actually see his father in the flesh.

Eric: And that’s the other thing, is if we have this Pensieve, right, Hagrid even could provide a memory of James, any memory of James. Anybody that knew James at all. McGonagall could provide a memory of James that is more human, that is more… from when James was reformed, and just get this horrible version out of being the only one that’s in Harry’s head. That should be something that Dumbledore puts him through after Book 5 for everything.

Micah: There should have been more of this, I think, for Harry, especially having been at Grimmauld Place. More stories about James that Sirius and Remus shared with him, even other characters, to your point. I think Harry lacks hearing more about his parents, aside from looking like James and having his mother’s eyes. So I think the most important thing Harry learns from this conversation is that Snape should not have stopped the Occlumency lessons, and I would have been very intrigued if Lupin decided to show up at Hogwarts and see that play itself out.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That would have been interesting, especially because Umbridge not only dislikes Lupin on principle, as he’s a werewolf – she would use a different term for him – but McGonagall just quoted his words to propel Harry back on the Auror track, so she’s got it out for him.

Micah: So the chapter wraps up with the great Weasley escape.

Andrew: Freedom!

Micah: So Fred and George distracted Umbridge, allowed Harry to get some Floo time with Sirius and Remus. And I thought that this was a really nice contrast to the title of the chapter, “Career Advice.” The Weasleys are taking their talents elsewhere, as they like to say. And personally – Andrew, you’re going to love this – I really would have loved a shot of Dumbledore watching from afar with a huge smile on his face.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Oohoohoo!” Yeah, and the great “Give her hell from us, Peeves” line. A MuggleCast alum made that their AIM username.

Micah: Max that.

Andrew: Matt, GiveHerHellPeeves. Yes, definitely a big “Max that.”

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

Micah: Hot Peeves.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Just make all the Hogwarts ghosts hot. Hot Nearly Headless Nick. Hot Bloody Baron.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]


Odds & Ends


Micah: All right, a few odds and ends as we wrap up the chapter. There was a really nice Ron and Hermione/Molly and Arthur comparison that Harry notes. It’s when Hermione was asking Ron what did he think of this whole crazy plan to contact Sirius, and “Harry was reminded irresistibly of Mrs. Weasley appealing to her husband during Harry’s first dinner in Grimmauld Place.”

Eric: Sure we can’t read into that at all.

Laura: I love that. I also just want to appreciate a growth moment for Hermione. The thing that she’s really harping on about not wanting to be done this chapter is Harry breaking into Umbridge’s office, even though she knows Fred and George are going to be planning some kind of distraction. That’s not really what bothers her. At this point, she’s over that side of being a prefect, and she’s definitely on the justice train, which is great.

Micah: And it’s also noted that Hagrid is still having a rough time of it out in the Forbidden Forest. Harry sees him limping into his cabin, and I guess we’re going to learn next chapter what that’s all about.

Andrew: One more chapter to go until we start getting some answers on that.

Eric: Can you believe we have less than ten chapters left of this book, and we still don’t know what’s going on with Hagrid?

Andrew: The mystery of the book. The grand mystery. “Harry Potter: What the hell is up with Hagrid?”

Micah: Yep.


Superlative of the Week


Micah: All right, well, it’s time for our MVP style question here. I wanted to know what’s the best advice that Harry actually receives in this chapter.

Andrew: “You don’t seem to need many qualifications to liaise with Muggles.” Hermione says that, and I’m just like, yeah, Muggles are simple folk. That’s the polite way of putting it.

Eric: [laughs] Oh, man. Yeah, although I think that says a lot about how wizards view Muggles too.

Andrew: Yep.

Eric: My best advice that I think we get in this chapter is “anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve.” And who says it? The best. Ginny.

Laura: Yeah, and she actually has a couple of good moments in this chapter. We didn’t get to touch on them too much, but I will say Ginny has some great moments coming up here towards the end of the book, so this definitely isn’t the end of the Ginny love on this…

Eric: Okay, Laura, I’ll count on you to lead us through every time Ginny does something cool.

Laura: Listen, listen, here’s the thing: I like Ginny’s character, and I wish she got to do cool things more.

Eric: Fair enough.

Laura: As for the advice that I wanted to share – and it’s not so much advice that Harry gets, but it’s more, again, perspective – and it’s when he’s talking to Sirius and Remus about Snape’s worst memory, and Sirius basically just says, “Of course he was an idiot. We were all idiots. We were 15.”

Andrew: [laughs] That’s a good one.

Laura: And I love that, because it’s amazing perspective for Harry to have, too, at the age that he is at, to maybe hopefully get him to self-reflect a little bit and think, “Hey, am I being an idiot too?”

Andrew: True.

Laura: Because you never think you are, but I mean, I can tell you that I am not proud of every decision that I made 20 years ago.

Micah: Are any of us?

Eric: No.

Andrew: Some decisions. Not all of them, though.

Micah: No, no, not all of them. Yeah, some. Mine’s simple: Lock the door, Harry.

[Andrew laughs]


Lynx Line


Micah: All right, and we also asked our patrons over at Patreon.com/MuggleCast via the Lynx Line, what’s really going through McGonagall’s head as she is constantly interrupted by Umbridge? Got some really great answers.

Andrew: Y’all, let’s try to do some impressions when we read these, if it is a quote.

Eric: Okay.

Laura: Oh, God.

Andrew: Kayla B. said, “Oh, how I long to go into my cat form and shred a [censored].”

Eric: I love the idea that McGonagall thinks about turning into a cat and ruining people. I just love that. [laughs] Jennifer says, “She’s thinking she would like her to choke on a few biscuits! Now!”

Micah: Leah said, “Worrying about the very real fact that Harry has to take on Lord Voldemort, and this [censored] actually thinks her opinion matters… this woman’s arguments are so insignificant, it’s actually adorable. Like watching a pink Puffskein try to take on a Hungarian Horntail.”

Laura: [laughs] Carlee says, “I’d say, given her love for Quidditch, McGonagall is probably envisioning using Umbridge’s head as a Quaffle.” Yep.

Andrew: Courtney said, “The position is cursed; she’ll be gone by the summer… preferably maimed or seriously injured. Also, now I know why Potter can never keep his trap shut either.”

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Micah: I like this one.

Eric: Finally getting under her skin. Rachel said, “What should I transfigure her into?”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: The idea that McGonagall was just coldly going, “I know a spell…”

Micah: Zachary says, “Who does this bitch think she is? Doesn’t she have better things to do, like entertaining and subjecting to Filch’s whips and chain fantasy?”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Whoa.

Laura: Sorry, I almost…

Andrew: This has been a sexy episode of MuggleCast.

Laura: I was about to be like, “Max that.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: We need to call this “Hot Peeves.”

Laura: “Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t roll your eyes,” is what Brandy says.

Andrew: And finally, Darin said, “Lol, more of an adult answer, but this is what she’s thinking: ‘Damn, I’d really like to cut a bitch.'”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Don’t forget, everyone, you can participate in the Lynx Line every week by becoming a patron at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. There’s a link in the show notes as well. If you have feedback about today’s episode, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, and next week on MuggleCast, we’ll discuss Chapter 30 of Order of the Phoenix, as we were teasing a few minutes ago, called quite simply, “Grawp.” And while getting your outdoors time on this summer, check out our other weekly podcasts, What the Hype?! and Millennial, for more pop culture and real world talk from the four of us. Over on What the Hype?!, tune in for a discussion on queer icons in movies and TV, and over on Millennial, we’re talking about social graces and being a good friend in 2025. Take your friends to the airport, people. And now it’s time for…

Micah: I’m getting in July 11.

Andrew: Oh. Uh…

Micah: [laughs] I’m just kidding.

Andrew: You can go back to your business. It’s different. [laughs]

Micah: I’m just joking.

Andrew: Damn it, I walked right into that one.


Quizzitch


Andrew: Now it’s time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question was: What band had a song at the top of the UK music charts for every week of May 1976? It’s the month that the Marauders sat their OWL exams. Was it A. Abba, B. Billy Joel, C. Aerosmith, or D. David Bowie? A rare multiple choice Quizzitch question. The correct answer was Abba! So if you revisit Snape’s worst memory, just picture “Fernando” playing on some wizarding wireless in the background, because that was the song that was a hit the month that the Marauders sat their exams. 64% of people who submitted the correct answer did not look it up, so that’s cool. And this week’s winners were Abba Dabba Do; Finty; Ima Nerd; Orange is the New Sirius Black; Snape “laying all his love” on Lily…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: … Tofu Tom; Winky’s 13th Butterbeer; A Healthy Breeze; Buff Daddy; The Huffin Puffin that Just Finished a Muffin; and Neville Wears Prada. Fun names, all. Next week’s Quizzitch question: Argus Filch seeks approval for whipping from Umbridge, and the sound of a bullwhip cracking is caused by what specific thing occurring with the whip? Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form located on the MuggleCast website. Go to MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch to find that, or if you’re already on our website, checking out the must listens page or the transcripts, click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: Thanks, everyone, for listening. Don’t forget to visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast to support us. We couldn’t do this show without you. Also, we would appreciate a review in your favorite podcast app, and tell a friend about the show. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everyone.

Laura and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #708

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #708, How I Met My Father (OOTP Chapter 28, ‘Snape’s Worst Memory’)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Laura Tee: I’m Laura.

Andrew: We are your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books, the movies, and the upcoming TV show, so make sure you follow us in your favorite podcast app, and that way you’ll never miss an episode. This week we are dodging enchanted fireworks and a puffed-up Draco Malfoy as we launch an all-out protest against Umbridge and her regime – anything, really, except preparing for our Occlumency lessons – because we’re discussing Chapter 28, “Snape’s Worst Memory,” of Order of the Phoenix. And helping us with today’s discussion is our friend Julian Wamble. Welcome, Julian, back to MuggleCast.

Julian Wamble: We are back. Thank you so much for having me.

Andrew: Yeah, it’s great to have you. You are a podcaster yourself, right?

Julian: It’s true. Last time I was here, I was just putting it out into the universe that it was going to be a thing, and now it’s actually a thing.

Eric: Ahh, congrats.

Julian: Thank you, thank you. Yeah, it’s called Critical Magic Theory, and basically what we do is they’re just deep dives into characters. So every episode, I put out a survey about a character, people fill it out, we analyze it together, and I read through people’s essays, basically. And so yeah, now I guess next week we are doing Dolores Umbridge, so this episode feels very apropos.

Eric and Laura: Wow.

Julian: It’s kismet.

Andrew: A little appetizer before your podcast next week.

Julian: It’s true, it’s true.

Andrew: And I know you’re a real podcaster now because I think I saw you’re wearing a shirt with your podcast name on it, right?

Julian: Merch, absolutely.

Eric: There you go.

Andrew: Yeah, you’ve got merch. That’s how you know you’re a real podcaster. [laughs]

Julian: Yeah, yeah, it is.

Eric: “Be critical…”

Julian: “… stay magical.” Yeah, that’s my sign-off.

Andrew: Awesome, awesome. Well, it’s great to have you back, Julian. And also, we found you, I think, initially through TikTok. You have a pretty popular Harry Potter TikTok channel at @ProfW, right?

Julian: Yep, that’s it.

Andrew: Cool. What do you do on there?

Julian: Well, I post snippets of my class. I teach a class at GW called “Harry Potter and the Politics of Social Identity,” and I have been posting snippets on there for a couple years now. And I was on sabbatical this year, so I had to take some time and come up with something else, so I’ve also started doing these little skits of what it would be like if the Muggle Studies professor was an actual Muggle, which has been a lot of fun.

Andrew: Awesome.

Julian: And yeah, so it’s just fun stuff like that. Just being nerdy about Harry Potter.

Andrew: Fantastic. Glad to hear that course is still going too.

Julian: It is.

Andrew: We talked to you about that the last time you were on the podcast.

Julian: Yeah, yeah. I’ll be back at it in the fall.

Eric: I was going to say, did you have to appoint a successor for while you were on sabbatical?

Julian: No, the students just didn’t have it.

Eric: Oh man, if I had done everything right and got accepted to GW only to find out that it was the year that you were on sabbatical…

Julian: I know, I know, I know.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I’d be so bummed.

Julian: I got a lot of emails from people asking to get into the class, and I was like, “There is no class.”

Andrew: Aww.

Julian: But it’s okay, I’m teaching it… well, for the seniors that graduated a few weeks ago, unfortunately, they couldn’t take it, but I’m teaching it again in the fall, and pretty much from here on out, I’ll probably teach it once in the fall and once in the spring, so people will have two chances take it.

Andrew: Oh, cool.

Eric: You mentioned that was happening the last time we spoke to you, about two years ago, that that was your first time doing it in both semesters.

Julian: Yeah, yeah, and so now we’re back. And I like it; it’s fun. It’s always a different group, and they always bring different things, so it’s a lot of fun.

Andrew and Eric: Cool.

Andrew: Yeah, I bet. I imagine you saying to these kids who wanted to go to your class but you’re on sabbatical, you were like, “Sorry, kids, no class this year, but I do have a podcast and a TikTok channel. Why don’t you check that out?”

[Laura laughs]

Julian: Yeah, I’m like, “Well, if this is a thing that you’re interested in, actually a precursor to this might be… I don’t know; I’m just saying it’s there for you, if you want it.”

Andrew: What a great way to promote the pod. [laughs]

Julian: Absolutely. I’m like, “Yeah, we kind of do the same thing. Not really, but…”

Andrew: No, that’s very cool.


News


Andrew: Well, before we get into Chapter by Chapter, there is a bit of news that was just breaking today, Thursday, June 5. Tom Felton is reprising his role as Draco Malfoy in the Cursed Child on Broadway! His performances will run for 19 weeks, starting this November, running through March. I’ve seen a lot of Draco girlies very excited about this. Did y’all see the photo of him as Draco in the Cursed Child?

Eric: Definitely.

Julian: Yeah, the side by side from… was it Chamber of Secrets?

Eric: Oh, of him with the wand?

Julian: Holding the wand in front of his face.

Andrew: Ah, yeah. Something about this photo is giving me an out of body experience too. It’s like, that is Draco, but older. I don’t know. Something about it is freaking me out, in a good way. It’s just bizarre.

Julian: It’s disconcerting how… because I refuse to believe that we’ve aged.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: No, no, we don’t look… no, no, no.

Julian: The idea that somehow he’s able to pull this off, and it’s a convincing thing, it’s strange to me. I refuse.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. I guess that is the thing; we’re seeing our beloved Harry Potter family members older, and I’m talking about in character. We’re not used to seeing Tom Felton’s Draco older. You know what I mean?

Eric: Here’s what it must be: It must be that the prosthetics got so much better since they filmed the King’s Cross scene – the Epilogue – so the fact that they could age Tom Felton up convincingly… because otherwise he would just look to be 23 like the rest of us.

Andrew: [laughs] Right.

Julian: Exactly. Never underestimate the power of a good wig, you know?

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Well, this is very cool news. A lot of people seem to be really excited about this. I would love to see him. I’m sure the theater is going to go nuts when he comes out on stage the first time every night. I was looking up his history with theater; he’s only dabbled in it in recent years. In 2022 he made his West End debut in the play 2:22 A Ghost Story; he portrayed the character Sam at London’s Criterion Theater. And then he also starred in A Child of Science at the Bristol Old Vic in 2024, so he’s only gotten into theater in the last three years. I guess he was like, “Hmm, what about that Harry Potter show? Maybe that’ll be my next one.”

Julian: “I wonder…”

Laura: Yeah. You know, there are a lot of fans who I think would be willing to sign petition after petition to get him cast as Lucius in the TV show.

Julian: Oh, yeah. The rumors are circulating. That’s what they want.

Andrew: Yeah, this is going to fuel those flames for sure.

Laura: Well, and think about the timing here. His performance runs from November through March. Lucius doesn’t really…

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: We’re not going to see him until Season 2…

Julian: It’s true.

Laura: I’m just throwing it out there.

Julian: Is he old enough to play Lucius?

Andrew: So apparently he’s 37, somebody in our Discord just said.

Eric: He could have an 11-year-old.

Andrew: Yeah, they can age him up a little further.

Julian: Okay, that’s where the wig comes in.

Andrew: He’ll do whatever he needs to get that Harry Potter money, I think.

Julian: True. Honestly.

Andrew: [laughs] So yeah, that’s very exciting. I guess I don’t know if any of us… Micah lives in New York, so maybe he’ll go and see this version of the show, if not one of us. Julian, you’re in DC, right? Have you seen Cursed Child?

Julian: Three or four times, yeah.

Andrew: [laughs] Okay.

Julian: I’ve seen every iteration. The two acts, I’ve seen it twice, and then I’ve seen most recently the one where they’ve condensed it down, made it gayer, and made it just one play.

Andrew: Okay, cool. I’ve only seen the two-part version. I want to see the gayer version.

Julian: Yeah, I didn’t even… when I saw it, I didn’t realize, and I was actually in the audience full on gasping and clutching my pearls, because I was like, “Is it just that I don’t remember this, or did they actively go…?” So then I was Googling it, because I was like, “Did they make this gayer and I just missed that?” And that’s exactly what happened.

Andrew: Oh, man. You just sold me on seeing this.

Laura: Wait, so I have a clarifying question, as someone who hasn’t seen Cursed Child. Am I hearing right now that there are two versions of Cursed Child out there, and one that is the progressive version, and the other that is the “No homo” version?

Eric: Well, I think they’re both progressive versions, because if I’m remembering correctly, what they did is they retracted Scorpius getting shunted with Rose Granger-Weasley at the end of the…

Laura: Oh, okay.

Eric: Or Albus Severus, sorry, was really heavily pushed to Rose Granger-Weasley, and then they made some script edits so that that was no longer the case. And then that ultimately was toned down… or not toned down, but split… or no, combined. The two acts of the show were combined after that first change occurred, so I think all of the versions will have the non-shoe-horned-into-heteronormativity version.

Laura: Okay. Well, that’s good.

Laura: I just wanted to clarify that. I was like, “If they’re actively doing both of those things right now, that’s wild.”

Eric: It’s hard to keep up… no, because on Broadway there’s the one-act version, but internationally, there’s still the two-act, two separate night…

Andrew: In London. Just in London they still have that two-part version. Other parts of the world, I think, is the single-act version.

Eric: Australia? It’s so hard to keep track, honestly.

Julian: It’s true. But in the London version – which is the one that I’ve seen most recently – in the London version, it’s still gay.

Andrew: Okay.

Eric: There you go.

Julian: So they did actively…

Andrew: It wasn’t when I saw it in London.

Julian: Yeah, so I saw it last September, and they condensed it down. And it was still two acts, but it was… they were still much shorter, and then they also gayed it up. So Happy Pride, everyone.

Andrew: Yeah, I was just going to say that myself. [laughs] Cool, thanks for all that information. All right, well, before we get to Chapter by Chapter, want to let our listeners know: If you love MuggleCast and want to help us keep the show running smoother than the surface of a smooth, smooth Pensieve, visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledge today. You’ll get instant access to two bonus MuggleCast episodes every month. You’ll also get ad-free episodes, a new physical gift every year, and a lot more. What are we doing in bonus later this week, Eric?

Eric: We are playing the fun online drawing game Skribbl with one another. The last time that we played, just a few months ago, Laura was not able to make it, and I know that you, Laura, are a fan of Skribbl, so we will be playing it again with our list of Harry Potter-related words and phrases, and it’s going to be a good time.

Andrew: Yeah, so we play games, talk about other areas of the wizarding world, all kinds of things at Patreon.com/MuggleCast as part of bonus MuggleCast, so please do check that out. Other great ways to support us: You can pick up merch at MuggleCastMerch.com, you can leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, and please do tell a friend about the show. Lastly, visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all this information and lots more, like our contact form.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: All right, time for Chapter by Chapter, and we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 28, “Snape’s Worst Memory.”

Eric: I regret to inform everyone that five years ago, when we talked about this on May 12 of 2020, we came up with what was ultimately the best episode title of all time, and we’re never going to top it. We should have just closed up shop. That episode was titled “How I Met Your Mother.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: And here’s a clip from it.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 465.

Andrew: Peter is just kind of a loser, isn’t he? He’s just very…

Eric: He really just doesn’t have an obvious redeeming quality.

Andrew: Yeah, and he’s just infatuated with James catching the Snitch, and he’s a fanboy.

Micah: Yeah, I wonder why he’s a part of this group. Just because he just seems like he’s a tagalong, and he’s just clapping and doing cartwheels for anything that James does.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: He just basically is there to keep James happy, it seems like.

Andrew: And that’s probably why he’s there, yeah.

Laura: For some reason when I read him clapping, I imagine the clap reaction from Animal Crossing.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: “So impressive! Yes, yes!”

[Whooshing sound]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Andrew: That’s two weeks in a row where people are hearing me call somebody a loser on this podcast. [laughs]

Eric: Oh, the connections.

Laura: One of them’s fictional, so there’s that.

[Andrew and Julian laugh]

Eric: During the pandemic – or as friends of mine recently called it, the panini – during the panini, we were all playing a lot of Animal Crossing and cozy games.

Julian: As one does.

Eric: Yeah, so these Time-Turner segments are fun little time capsules, as you would. But yes, so “How I Met Your Mother.” I don’t know what we’re going to call this episode.

Andrew: “How I Met Your Father.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: “How I Met My Father.”

Julian: Absolutely.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Eric: All right. [laughs] Oh God, I’ve got to recover. Okay, so as we delve into this chapter, it may be alarming by which the speed of Umbridge’s ascent into the highest position at Hogwarts is. Of course, Dumbledore is gone, he had his triumphant leave, and all of a sudden it’s all Umbridge all the time. Nothing is holding her back from anything anymore. So we see a new Educational Decree get passed; she is now the Ministry-appointed headmistress of Hogwarts. And my first question would be: Do we think that there was a chance that that role would be given to McGonagall, say, the deputy headmistress, at least in an interim capacity? Or since the Ministry is ordering it, did they say, “No, so much is going on at the school; Umbridge, we need you”?

Andrew: I don’t think they would even want to give another person at Hogwarts a chance. Umbridge has been chomping at the bit for this type of opportunity, and here it is, so she and Fudge are going to move fast.

Laura: I mean, she’s the one that came up with the decree, right? She appointed herself, basically.

Andrew: I was wondering about that, too, because it says, “By order of the Ministry of Magic,” and is it signed…? It is signed Fudge, but she put him up to it. We all know that.

Eric: Well, yeah, she kind of… I think, because especially the circumstances of how Dumbledore left, where they realized he was trying to raise an army, they can no longer trust any of the… even if they did trust – which I don’t think they did – potential allies could be among the staff, and so they’re making it kind of an inside affair. Julian, as a political science teacher concerned with how power is distributed and things, does this track for fascist regimes or anything like that? When you read this chapter, what sticks out to you?

Julian: Yeah, I think that it makes sense that if the government is going to take over one thing, they’re going to have someone in it already, right? Which is Umbridge in this case, and then they’re also going to make it seem as if it’s as smooth as possible, right? It’s a smooth transition. So Dumbledore leaves, and then all of a sudden, somebody who’s already there… like, “How did she get here? How could this happen?” So it doesn’t necessarily alarm people. Now, naturally, everyone is alarmed. And what we see, right, is it’s kind of the same thing that happens in Deathly Hallows when Voldemort takes over, but it’s Pius Thicknesse, right, after Scrimgeour goes, and we see this very smooth transition into Pius Thicknesse. Everybody knows what’s really going on, but it feels fairly seamless. And I feel like when you are overtaking a government, if you want it to feel as not jarring as possible, to kind of mitigate the likelihood of uprising, and so in that way, I think it literally happened overnight. Literally, Dumbledore peaces out, and then the next morning everyone wakes up, and she’s headmistress, and so there’s really no time for dissent. There’s no time for any sort of protest of any kind; it’s done. And I think that if you want to do it effectively, that’s how you do it.

Eric: Got it.

Laura: And also, to your point, Julian, the majority of the school had no frame of reference for what happened that night, so as far as they know, they went to bed and they woke up in the morning and there was a new headmistress.

Julian: Yeah. And I feel like very few people actually recognize McGonagall as the deputy headmistress; it’s not a thing. She very rarely operates in that capacity…

Eric: That’s a good point.

Julian: … so the notion of her being the next person up, I don’t even think it would occur to most students that this would even be a thing, let alone that Dumbledore would just disappear in the dark of night, right?

Andrew: Yeah. And I think for us, our perspective is maybe a little warped because we’re viewing this from Harry, Ron, and Hermione’s view, so we see McGonagall more than the rest of the school probably does, the other three Houses. So maybe that’s partly why we’re asking ourselves, “Why not McGonagall?” Also, McGonagall has treated Umbridge poorly in the book thus far, so Umbridge ain’t about to do her any favors.

Eric: No.

Julian: And she’s so loyal to Dumbledore.

Eric: I think that’s the word for it, loyal, because it’s all about appointing loyalists to the Ministry right now, right? Which is how we get the Inquisitorial Squad, which is the lovely second surprise they get this morning, and it’s that Draco Malfoy and a team of Slytherins exclusively, for some reason, have all been appointed to this role as Inquisitorial Squad members, and they are going around the school on behalf of – they’ve been empowered by – Headmistress Umbridge to kind of… I don’t even know what their stated goal is. To root out… I mean, the only person we see embody this right now directly is Draco Malfoy, and he’s taking points willy-nilly from Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs for pretty much anything that ticks him off. So whatever the… he’s essentially a… like a militia? How would we describe what the Inquisitorial…? They’re spies. They’re like an extended hand of Umbridge around the school, more than she could have had prior to becoming Headmistress.

Julian: Yeah, I like spies. That feels right. Although, it’s not very cloak and dagger, right? Everyone kind of knows. And Draco is just so showy.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Julian: He just wants everyone… he needs you to know he’s got power, which is so annoying. But yeah, there’s no secret about what he’s doing. And so in that way, he’s not the best spy, but that’s kind of what they’re doing, right? They’re just going to see and trying to figure out who’s talking about Umbridge in a certain way, who is giving voice to loyalty for Dumbledore, and things like that.

Eric: Well, and they’re punitive about it, right? So they’re empowered to… any kind of dissent that they see, they can immediately… they’re authorized to punish for, and that will create this environment where people silence themselves because they don’t want to lose House points.

Julian: Yep.

Andrew: I have to say, I can almost empathize with Umbridge’s decision to create the Inquisitorial Squad, because she just found out about Dumbledore’s Army. So yeah, she’s going to put together her own army.

Eric: Oh, this is just a reaction, a totally sane reaction to what Dumbledore did.

Andrew: Squad up.

Eric: Always blame the previous leader for your own insecurities.

[Andrew laughs]

Julian: I don’t disagree.

Laura: I mean, let’s be real; the Inquisitorial Squad existed before this. It’s just been named now. It’s been codified.

Julian: So true.

Laura: But Draco has been doing her bidding for a while now. We’ve already seen that she’s interfered and encouraged the Slytherins to participate in bad behavior.

Andrew: Yes. In Draco’s case specifically, he has very real power now. He can actually deduct House points, and it goes through; the trio are watching the points move in the Great Hall. He did get an extra level of power here. I’m just saying I understand where Umbridge is coming from by putting together this formal squad.

Julian: Yeah, if you want to get people on your side, and you want there to… again, if your goal here is to… you don’t need necessarily loyalty; you just need obedience. So you just need to make sure that there are people in the space who are going to be your eyes and ears, because she can’t do it all the time, and Filch can’t run around either and do all of this. So you need to have eyes and ears on the ground, and what do you do? You give people who are just as power-hungry as you power, and say, “Go do that, and do it against the people that you enjoyed already being antagonistic towards in the first place.” It’s the perfect recipe for her to make sure that her power is seen and felt without her actually having to be there to do it.

Eric: Wow. So we’re kind of talking about the groups that are sensitive. Draco goes straight to his arch-nemesis Harry Potter, and Ron and Neville and Ernie and all these kids that Umbridge would probably prefer weren’t even in the school.

Julian: Yep.

Eric: So in that way, they’re kind of outsiders. Here’s another aspect to it, though: We see that Filch has been made certain promises from Umbridge as well. Filch comes to collect Harry, who says, “I didn’t do it,” which is just… that’s the best possible response when you’re being taken to the headmistress’s office. [laughs] But we learn that the old punishments that Filch loves to talk about and reminisce about – and I’m pretty sure he has photos of him doing the old punishments under his pillow every night – but they’re coming back. Basically, Umbridge has told Filch that he’s going to be able to continue the old, long-outdated, I guess I want to say medieval torture methods. Things like chains, right? That he keeps polished just in case, we heard in a different book. And the other thing that Umbridge has promised Filch is that she’s going to remove Peeves. But something you said, Julian, a moment ago about playing to the Inquisitorial Squad’s existing nature to antagonize Harry and his friends, she’s doing the same with Filch here. Filch has a cruelty streak that I think is often overlooked because he’s so ineffectual about it, but if you really gave him exactly what he wanted, you would get a lot of probably torture in Hogwarts.

Julian: I don’t think she’s telling the truth. I think she’s lying.

Eric: Really.

Julian: I don’t think she… it feels like too much work. She’s too lazy to do all of that. I think she’s just telling him what she knows he wants to hear, which is what Umbridge does very well. I know we hate her, but she’s very effective at this. I think she’s very effective at telling people the things they want to hear so that they do the things that she wants them to do. And I think that she’s like, “Yeah, I’ll do all of that stuff,” but none of that is on her radar. She couldn’t care less about all of that stuff. She’s more interested in making sure that, again, she has minions to do the things that she wants them to do, and I feel like she’s just like, “Yeah, whatever. Yeah, Peeves. Sure, torture devices, whatever.”

[Eric laughs]

Julian: Like, “Yeah, whatever you want, I’ll do it. Just go and make sure that the kids stay in line.”

Eric: Well, I’ll agree with you about the Peeves thing. I don’t think she even has the power to do… something where she has to write to the Ministry, she could easily not do it and tell Filch that she tried.

Julian: Right.

Eric: And somebody at the… putting it off on Cornelius or someone else to actually authorize the… because apparently it’s a Ministry affair to remove the poltergeist from the school. That I see never happening, right? Broken promise. But wouldn’t it also serve Umbridge, her best interest, to have chains and things be available for use at Hogwarts? It would actually serve her as a deterrent to students who would misbehave to let them know that the old punishments are back, right? In that way…

Julian: But do you have to do it, or do you just threaten it?

Eric: Threaten it, yeah.

Julian: If you just let Filch run around telling students, “I’m going to get you and chain you up and beat you down,” then it’s like, “Ooh,” and all the students already know that he’s already too keen to do that in the first place, because he’s got something to prove. I think she’s just playing to his ego.

Laura: Yeah, I think so too. Because realistically, how’s he going to pull that off? He can’t overpower any of these kids, not really. So I think the second he tried to actually do it… I think he talks a lot. I agree with Julian; I think it’s all ego. I think if he was actually presented with the opportunity, I don’t think he’d know what to do.

Andrew: That’s interesting.

Laura: I don’t even know if he’s ever done that, or if he’s just trying to wax poetic and be nostalgic about something that never actually happened, not on his watch.

Andrew: Well, I think part of the reason he’s excited is because he is a Squib. He doesn’t have the capabilities to actually punish students through magical means, so finally he’s getting possibly the sign-off to actually use these medieval methods of punishing the students, so he feels like he has power at Hogwarts for the first time. But I just can’t believe Filch is getting this excited about Umbridge taking over, because considering how long he’s been at the school, he should know Dumbledore pretty well at this point. Does he really think this Umbridge situation is going to last? He’s overjoyed at the thought of Peeves getting out of there. I guess it’s fun for readers, but I just don’t know how he could possibly think that this is going to stick.

Eric: Yeah, I think he’s just been suppressed for too long, or his darker natures have been suppressed for too long by Dumbledore’s reign. He sees him as this kindly old man that doesn’t know what it really takes to subdue the criminal element at Hogwarts; that’s his position. So when Umbridge comes along and makes all these promises, he’s absolutely… I’m surprised Filch wasn’t part of the coup against Dumbledore in an earlier chapter.

Julian: It’s fascinating to me, because I think it’s… one thing about Filch that I always have to remind myself is not only that he’s a Squib, but that his presence at Hogwarts stands in the face of how we really understand who Squibs are as people, right? Because it’s like, “Oh, so you are a person who cannot perform magic, but fundamentally you are magical still, because you get to see Hogwarts.” You’re not… in theory, you shouldn’t even be able to be in the space if you weren’t magical, because there’s all these spells and enchantments. So every waking moment that he’s in that place, he’s constantly reminded of the thing that he doesn’t have, which I think could drive a person crazy. And so I feel like what’s fascinating about this moment and his relationship with Umbridge is that there’s a moment where I’m like, “Does she not know he’s a Squib?” When she tells him, “Don’t Stun the fireworks,” and Harry is like, “He couldn’t if he tried.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Julian: This is the first time that I was struck by that, because I was like, “Wait, she doesn’t have any idea.” And he’s like, “Oh, yeah. Sure, girl. Whatever.” He completely plays into it. And I think maybe that’s also why he has such an affinity for her, because she doesn’t realize the truth, and he gets to kind of fake and cosplay as a magical person for her in a way that he can’t for literally anyone else in the castle, because she is so ignorant of who he actually is and what he actually is.

Eric: Well, and that ignorance speaks to laziness on her part.

Julian: Oh, yeah.

Eric: She doesn’t even know the people that are closest and what their strengths and weaknesses and potential vulnerabilities are.

Andrew: As long as they’re loyal to her, that’s all she cares about.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: So let’s talk about…

Laura: Until they do something she doesn’t like, and then the goal posts will shift, and we all know how that goes.

Eric: And they get into a big Twitter fight about it.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: So what Filch ends up doing is delivering Harry to potentially the worst situation he’s ever been delivered to, which we’ll get to in a minute. But first, let’s hear from our sponsors for this episode. I hope it’s a tea or something.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Like an herbal tea sponsor.

[Ad break]

Eric: Let’s talk about what Umbridge wants to see Harry about, and particularly, following Dumbledore’s flight, Umbridge has decided that she needs to know some things, including where Dumbledore went. I think she still sees – who wouldn’t? – Dumbledore as a threat, as a continued threat to her power, the stability of her reign here, and the stability of the Ministry, and so she wants to know where Dumbledore is. She knows that Harry wouldn’t tell her if he had his agency, so she’s written to Professor Snape and said, “Give me some Veritaserum.” And she makes a blatant, all-out attempt to do nothing short of poisoning Harry and giving him Veritaserum. How wild is this?

Julian: And also, how bad is she at it? That’s really what gets me.

Eric: Well, okay.

Andrew: “Drink up! Drink up!”

Julian: “Are you drinking?” Like, girl, you’re not even trying.

Eric: You know what’s crazy? Is how Harry almost doesn’t realize. He comes so close to…

Julian: It takes a cat that has an eye like Mad-Eye, and he’s like, “Oh, wait.”

Eric: “Uh, excuse me.” She almost succeeds. Unbelievable.

Andrew: “An eye? Keep an eye out? Mad?” Life pro tip for everybody: If anyone is ever telling you to keep drinking something, don’t. Unless it’s water, maybe. That might be the only time. [laughs]

Eric: Oh, yeah. Where you can say, “Keep up,” and it’s not being malicious in any way. [laughs]

Andrew: Or it’s like, “Drink the water to sober up,” maybe. That’s the only time. Make sure it’s real water.

Julian: Or if you’ve had a potion that is making you relive your worst memories, and you’re in a cave full of Inferi, then you also keep drinking.

Eric: Okay, there’s two.

Julian: There’s two situations.

Laura: Right. [laughs]

Julian: But even then, that’s still water.

Andrew: Yes.

Eric: It just… okay, on the one hand, this is a really cool connection to make, because there’s this cat on a plate that has eyes like Mad-Eye Moody on the back wall of Umbridge’s office. Is anyone else thinking of Deathly Hallows when Mad-Eye Moody’s magical eye is on the office door to Umbridge’s office at the Ministry?

Laura: Yeah. Ugh. That’s a horrible moment.

Eric: I don’t think I caught that on the previous read-through.

Andrew: Yeah, that’s an interesting through-line.

Laura: That’s a good catch.

Eric: Something about Umbridge, Mad-Eye, guarding things. Moody-isms. I don’t know.

Andrew: [laughs] Moody-isms.

Eric: Moody-isms. Anyway. So another thing that I wanted to touch on, and this is kind of… I had to go back and forth in my head a little bit because I thought, “Wait a minute, would Snape really give Umbridge Veritaserum?” Most of the chapter really involves… kind of the overarching thought is how Snape feels about Harry, because Harry is about to witness his most private memory. So would Snape, who is also a member of the Order of the Phoenix, really give Veritaserum to Umbridge? And I thought this was a problem, because if Harry were to divulge literally anything about the Order, it would be devastating to not just the Order, but to give it to Umbridge? Umbridge is Snape’s enemy as much as she is Harry’s, right? Because of what she might find out and what she might know. And fortunately, what ends up happening… it’s later confirmed that it was, in fact, Veritaserum that Umbridge asked for, but it also, according to Dumbledore at the end of the book, was not real Veritaserum that Snape delivered. So it’s kind of an interesting thought to think of the many angles that went into Snape first receiving this request and then deciding how to act on it, and what Umbridge thinks he did or didn’t do. So Umbridge is playing it exactly like it’s real Veritaserum. Harry is fearing it exactly like it’s real Veritaserum. It should be real Veritaserum, but because Snape is actually an ally, it’s not. So even if Harry had been forced to drink it, he would have been able to lie.

Laura: Yeah. I think we’re going to see another example of this with Snape later on in the book, where we’re really going to have to see Snape think on his toes, because he’s ultimately caught in the moment in front of Harry and Umbridge, and he has to bluff, right? It’s a really great moment. And in the moment, of course, you’re like, “No, no, where are you going?” But again, he is on the right side of this.

Eric: He did Harry a solid.

Laura: At least, we think so thus far. When we get to the next book, we’re like, “Wait a second…” [laughs]

Julian: Well, and he also has a whole other vested interest in making sure that everything stays under wraps. And it’s not even just with the Order; Umbridge has the potential to really mess up Voldemort’s plans, right? If she knows too much, she can, because… and I think for as evil as she is, I think we have to remember that her trajectory is very different than whatever it is Voldemort is up to. And so there is a way that Snape has to play this, because Voldemort wants Harry, so his protection of Harry is both for the Order, but also because he has to deliver him in some way to Voldemort in some capacity later on, right? And so it strikes me that some of this is also she can’t figure out he’s a double agent, and Harry knows that. So there’s other vested interest in things. If Harry is spilling his guts because of the Veritaserum, Snape is in jeopardy as a result, and so he’s got a lot of vested interest in making sure that Harry in particular keeps his trap shut.

Laura: Totally.

Eric: Yeah, that’s a great point. Another insight into Umbridge’s character, though, comes from that later moment when she asks Snape for more Veritaserum, and he says, “What do you mean? Because I gave you a whole vial, and I told you three drops would be enough for Harry the last time. Don’t you still have some?” So she actually poured in a full bit of Veritaserum here. That, to me, speaks to her insecurity, right? She needs this to work, so she went way overboard. Harry could have overdosed. If this were Felix Felicis, he’d be seeing stars for years. [laughs] You just can’t imagine the level of… she can’t afford to take any chances. But it speaks to me to how insecure somebody who just got all the power at Hogwarts is on the inside. She expects dissent.

Andrew: Reminds me of that meme of Kylo Ren from the Star Wars movies. Kylo Ren, he’s like, “More!” Trying to unleash more terror on the good guys.

Laura: Yeah, but I think the thing with Umbridge – and we see it multiple times in this chapter – is that she’s clearly out of her depth. Running a school is not something that she has any expertise in, and it’s one thing to fumble your way through teaching a not-so-great class, but it’s a whole other thing to try and run an entire school.

Julian: Especially when you don’t want to. I think she especially… I shouldn’t say she didn’t want to; she wants the power. But I think her expectation was always, “Well, once I get it, they’ll just listen to me,” which is why I think she is so… I think her biggest fear is dissent, because she actually is ill-equipped to navigate it, which she gets it honest, because so is Cornelius Fudge, right? I think they both are just like, “Well, I have power now, so you will listen to me,” and that’s why she is making the Inquisitorial Squad and promising whatever it is to Filch, because she really does value obedience, because she’s not like Voldemort in so far that if you don’t do what he wants, he just will torture you. It takes her a while to get to that place. I think she really does just believe… if we think about that one line that is her famous line, “I will have order,” I think that that for her is what she believes, just in general. “I will have order because I have power,” and that’s not how power works, and she has no idea how to actually be a person in power.

Andrew: And she also doesn’t realize, I guess, that Hogwarts is chaos all the time.

Julian: Literally.

Andrew: Crazy stuff is always happening at this school, so you’re not going to get this school under order. This is a feature of the school.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Such a great point. And thinking about the movie, though, briefly, she almost has more power or gets more power and more compliance from the student body at large in the movie. Because if you recall, she uses the quill, the Harry torture quill, on everybody in the school. A lot of them have been subjected personally to her whims, I think, and so I think they’re a little bit more downtrodden in the movie than the students are in the book, when nevertheless, the respite comes from this mischief that we see in this chapter. So it’s interesting to think about her going even further in the movie, because that’s not often what I… what comes up when I think about Movie 5 is montage, montage, montage, but one of those is like, “Oh, Umbridge might have actually been more terrible in the movie.”

Laura: Yeah. I think they had to find a way to escalate her character arc pretty quickly, just because they didn’t have as much screen time as they probably would have needed to do it the way it was done in the book.

Andrew: Yeah, I think… I still can remember how angry I was reading what Umbridge was doing in the book the first time I read it, and part of me also wonders if they wanted to escalate it to kind of recreate that feeling maybe you had the first time you read what she was doing in the books. I literally remember sitting in the living room and punching the pillow; I was so mad at what Umbridge was doing. And maybe they just wanted it to come off really strongly in the movies as well, and that’s why she has her “More!” type of moments.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Kylo Ren moments.

Eric: So as we mentioned, there is a bit of mischief, and I think that this is the perfect tonic to what is happening. Fred and George, who I’ve been at odds with previously for trying their product out on underage students and a number of other stuff that I’d be willing to forgive, because what they do in this chapter is largely prove that Umbridge, for all of her terrible power, is not infallible, that she can be stood up to in a way, she can be outsmarted, and I think by extension, the thought is she can be toppled. And they do this through a series of fireworks that are really just amazing, and nobody’s ever seen anything like them. And this disruption – really, that’s what it is, is this disruption – you can’t have order when all of these little things are happening that begin to undermine and destabilize the regime’s constant state of messaging and the power that needs to just be stable and that which the Inquisitorial Squad was supposed to protect as well, keeping everything on a level of “Umbridge is all-seeing and knowing and powerful, and you will obey.” Fred and George fly right in the face of that with their fireworks, and really, Fred and George’s efforts give other people, including the teachers, a way to resist. I think their actions today with the fireworks are really instructive in a cool way, to essentially give the teachers, all who don’t like Umbridge anymore – we mentioned McGonagall, also Flitwick, Sprout – a number of them resent, and always have, Umbridge’s position at this school, her very blatant power grabs, and now the fact that the headmaster, that all of these teachers still respect and trust to be on the side of good versus Umbridge on the side of evil, all of this allows them to… eh, not turn a blind eye, but just kind of needle Umbridge a little bit about it, and that is really satisfying to read about.

Julian: Yeah, and it’s also fascinating, because the way that it’s set up with Fred and George is that it seems that they give everyone, but particularly the teachers, permission to dissent, which is very fascinating to think about, because they seem to… it’s not until this moment that the teachers are like, “Oh, this is an actual option,” which I think is a fascinating part of the wizarding world in general. I think that they seem to have a lot of faith in just structures and power in general, hierarchies, and until something upends it explicitly, they will abide by it. And so the fact that Umbridge has been running around doing all of this stuff this whole time, and now is the time where we’re able to see… I mean, McGonagall stands up to her, but then at a certain point also, it’s like, “Okay, I’m recognizing the power dynamic here, and I need to be here to protect the children, so I’m not going to push too hard.” But now that the children are like, “Actually, what if we just took matters into our own hands?”, they’re like, “What if we did?”

Eric: Well, and it’s such a colossal failure on the part of Umbridge to get any sense of control back after these fireworks were let loose that it really… again, like you said, it’s instructive to the teachers that this is an option, but the way in which and the size of Umbridge’s failure goes to show that maybe they could have even resisted sooner. Umbridge is not… even with Filch by her side or the Inquisitorial Squad, these are not trained wizards that are actually good at their jobs. And so in terms of people wanting all power, or people that are in all power, and when the curtain’s pulled back and it turns out they’re kind of bumbling, or they’re not super great at their jobs, it can be a source of glee. And in fact, that’s the takeaway from the first part of this chapter, is that the students are able to all breathe a sigh of relief, because they realize that as terrifying as the situation is, Umbridge is not infallible, and in fact, she’s kind of bumbling at times. This reminds me of the former presidential administration on Four Seasons Total Landscaping day, when they booked this huge conference, but it’s like, “Oops, we called the wrong Four Seasons,” and it’s like, “Wow, this is a day when we can all kind of laugh at it, because the situation is bad, but it’s kind of funny,” and you’re like, “Oh, we’re not dealing with the brightest crayons after all.” It’s giving the side that really would be inclined to fear and shrink away some hope and some emboldenedness, and that’s reminding me of that.

Laura: Yeah, what I love about this is that Fred and George basically make it really easy for the entire school to just gum up the works and to be sand in the gears and say, “Oh, sorry, I would, but I can’t, because I want to follow your rules.” And honestly, I feel like that kind of resistance, that kind of protest, especially when you include something really funny in it like a fireworks display happening in the school that can’t be put out because the person running the operation is so incompetent that she can’t do it and nobody wants to help her, I think that’s the best kind of protest, because it gets attention. It makes people laugh at the Umbridge of the situation, and I think it’s kind of like a real life boggart, if you will. Laughing at her just destabilizes her further.

Julian: Well, and it’s also like, this is what she wanted. That’s what I… it’s so such poetic justice, because she wanted power. She wanted this unilateral, “It’s just all me; all roads lead to me” kind of power. She wanted to be dictatorial. And it’s like, “Okay, girl. Well, now that that’s what you wanted, here it is.” And I think it’s such an amazing way to teach her a lesson about… I mean, clearly she knows she needs people, but I think that she ultimately believes that she could just do this all by herself. It’s giving very much “How hard could it be?” And Fred and George go, “Hold our butterbeer for a quick sec,” and just teach her how hard it is. And I think that it’s an amazing thing to bear witness to, because it’s like, “Well, this is exactly what you wanted, and then you got it and it turns out it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”

Eric: Yeah. And I think the kind of people that are loyal to her are also the people that are, I don’t know, less skilled. Because all the teachers are against her, right? So it’s like, eh, okay. There’s a question in who she aligns herself with, or who’s more likely to fall for it. So we are going to get into Harry’s Occlumency lesson, which he ain’t been doing the studying for.

[Ad break]

Eric: All right, welcome back. And Andrew, you have another proposed name for this chapter that you wanted to mention?

Andrew: Yeah, so this chapter is called “Snape’s Worst Memory,” of course, but I think an alternate chapter name for this would be “Harry’s Worst Memory of Dad,” or now the joke at the beginning of the episode, “How I Met My Dad.”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Because he learns some rough things about James in this chapter. It’s a tough afternoon for Snape and Harry.

Eric: Yeah, for sure. It’s crazy, because how the Weasley twins, who we were just talking about, how they dealt with the Inquisitorial Squad was to shove Montague in a Vanishing Cabinet and send him off to God knows wherever. But it turns out that his trip was actually less extended than I remember, because he comes back just as Harry is attending… first walking in to the Occlumency lessons with Snape, and so just before Snape is going to find out that Harry did not practice, and he can probably break into his mind and learn all sorts of things, including the fact that Harry is now in the Hall of Prophecy when he sees the Department of Mysteries, all of that is saved because Snape has to go and help Draco pull Montague out of a toilet, which is hilarious. [laughs] But anyway, Snape has been using Dumbledore’s Pensieve to pull out the memories he doesn’t want Harry to get access to, and immediately, even though Harry is about to leave, the door frame has a shimmering light, Harry turns around, and is like, “Oh, yeah.”

Andrew: “Ooh, pretty.”

Julian: Shiny things.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: “I wouldn’t have, but should I?” Tell me, guys: Would you be able to resist looking into your arch-enemy’s memories? Secret private memories?

Andrew: Augh. Don’t make me admit this… yeah. I mean…

Julian: So you need to go first, Andrew. [laughs]

Andrew: Well, no, I was just going to… I think I’d have to be really, really sure my Snape equivalent wasn’t coming back anytime soon. I think the situation’s pretty Harry… well, pretty hairy for Harry. I meant to say risky.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: But hairy for Harry. He doesn’t really know how long Snape is going to be gone for. He talks himself into it; “Oh, it’s going to be a while because of the toilet.” No, ethically, this is horrible, as I’ve written in the doc. But… [laughs] I understand Harry’s curiosity, right? You’ve got to understand that. “Why is he taking these memories out?”

Eric: You’re never going to have a better opportunity.

Julian: Well, and to his credit, he says that he’s wondering – and maybe this is just a justification of things – but he says that he is trying to figure out if Snape has some sense or understanding of what has happened in the Department of Mysteries, and that’s why he says he’s going to do it.

Andrew: True.

Julian: So it’s not even… I mean, yes, he is nosy, but it seems to me, at least what he presents in his own mind, is that he’s doing it for reasons that are more in terms of the mission than simply being nosy.

Eric: I mean, it’s self-serving, though, right? Because Harry shouldn’t know all the answers about the mission, and it’s actually been, I think, firmly and fairly established to Harry why he shouldn’t be told all the details. So him breaking into Snape’s memories… there’s also this aspect of the last time he got in Snape’s head, it was not a pleasant thing at all. Snape’s potential abusive home life was witnessed. Harry doesn’t know how to sift memories in the Pensieve from one to the other; he doesn’t know how to choose memories. It’s just the luck of the draw, and so he’s also not prepared, I think, for the downsides or potential downsides of the memories he could go in. I mean, it serves him right that he doesn’t like the memory he does go into, but he could have seen so much worse stuff that had so much less relevance to Harry specifically, and then all that would happen is Harry would just be a nosy person, and he would feel bad after it.

Andrew: Even if it’s true, even if Harry felt that Snape put an answer that he’s been looking for into the Pensieve, that still doesn’t make it okay, right? I personally don’t want to excuse Harry just because of that.

Laura: No.

Eric: Well, on paper or personally?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, no, it really… it’s bad and it’s wrong. But I think that the duration of time that Snape is guaranteed to be gone… because he says, “Oh, Snape is the Head of House. He’s clearly going to walk Montague all the way up, personally, to the hospital wing.” It’s like, okay, Harry actually does have enough time to get in and get out; he just doesn’t.

Julian: But also, in Harry’s defense… which is a thing that I normally do not say.

Eric: Oooh.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Julian: In Harry’s defense, Snape has been ransacking his mind for all of these lessons, and has been just ridiculing him left and right. And while I know two wrongs don’t make a right, if I had PTSD like Harry did, and I just got in a fight with a girl who’s mad at me… listen, who knows what I would do? And I think it feels only… it doesn’t feel fair; that’s not right. That’s not the language I should use. But also, it feels kind of fair that, if given the opportunity… because it would be one thing if Snape was being fairly magnanimous about the things that he was seeing, but he’s seeing the stuff in Harry’s mind and then throwing it right back in Harry’s face, and that feels bad to me. And so again, I know two wrongs don’t make a right, and I’m sure that there are going to be people who are going to be very upset with me for this, and I welcome it; it’s totally fine. I also do understand where Harry is coming from in terms of being like, “Hey, you’ve been doing this to me, and what are you taking out of your mind? What are you trying to hide from me? And also, are there other secrets we could get here?” I mean, I’m not mad at it.

Laura: Yeah, and it’s all a consequence of the fact that Harry is not being given a lot of information, and that’s by design, but I think if Dumbledore can find some way to communicate with him, I think Harry wouldn’t feel as desperate and hungry for that information to go looking for it in this way.

Andrew: Yeah.

Eric: I think it… yeah, sorry.

Andrew: Well, I was just going to say, Eric, you mentioned earlier Harry overstaying his welcome in the memory. I think we also do have to remember this is, what, the second time that Harry is witnessing his parents? So you understand why he overstayed his welcome.

Eric: Oh, absolutely.

Andrew: This is an incredibly moving moment for him.

Eric: Well, if Harry had dipped out maybe five minutes earlier, he wouldn’t have seen the bad part of that interaction, and so there’s also that.

Andrew: [laughs] Snape’s almost worst memory.

[Julian and Laura laugh]

Eric: Snape’s… memory.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: But regarding… I think, Julian, something you said really tracks for me, which is the relationship that Snape has already set up with Harry around these lessons. Because if he had been… I think the word you used was magnanimous. If there had been more appropriate boundaries there, instead of, as you said, immediately throwing whatever he just violatingly saw back at Harry… and you also bring up the Cho thing, which is… I almost forgot that happened, but yeah, Harry and Cho’s relationship, it’s dead, it’s gone, it’s not coming back. But it really is a violation, what Snape is doing to Harry, and here’s the way that Harry should handle it: Harry should respond to Snape’s repeated violations of his mind and his sovereignty and his personal agency, etc., by becoming a good student of Occlumency. Harry should study. Harry should actually try, even once, to clear his mind before bed, as everyone keeps telling him to. Harry could become the best student of Occlumency, even with a bad teacher, if Harry cared enough about it. That’s the way to overcome it. That’s the way to resist Snape intruding into your mind all this time, and instead, Harry sees a shortcut. Harry sees an easy way to get back at Snape to actually see into his mind, and it’s just by looking in the Pensieve. So I think there’s two options. Harry still could have walked away.

Julian: But I also struggle with this, because the whole point of Occlumency is you’re supposed to find this emotional equilibrium and just wipe your mind of things, and I don’t know how you pull that off when your teacher is not only just bad at teaching, but actively antagonistic, right? Literally eliciting emotion from you when this is already a very hard thing. They don’t teach Occlumency at Hogwarts; we’re so far beyond the scope of anything that they teach at the school, and you’re asking a student who is dealing with all kinds of traumatic things to do a thing which is already difficult for anyone to do, and then on top of it, you’re like, “By the way, your dad sucked.” It just feels like such a tall order that even if… and I agree with you that Harry should be studying and should be trying, but I’m not convinced that even if he did all of that, that he would be able to pull it off in a meaningful way because of the way that Snape is using these lessons as a means by which to take out his decades old trauma from Harry’s dad on Harry.

Eric: I think that’s fair. Do we think they’d be on more even footing if Snape never used the Pensieve? So it was a possibility that Harry could get his deepest, darkest stuff, if only he worked for it? That would be kind of interesting.

Laura: Yeah. I mean, maybe if Snape didn’t have the safety net of the Pensieve…

Eric: That’s it. That’s what sends them on unequal…

Laura: Right, he would have had to be a little bit… I mean, he still would have been cold and petty.

Eric: The second Harry saw something he shouldn’t have, he would have killed him.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: [imitating Snape]Avada Kedavra.”

Laura: I think he would have had to tone it down, for sure. But yeah, I think… Harry is 15…

Julian: Also that.

Laura: … and he’s just not been set up for success here. I don’t think there was any way he was going to be successful at Occlumency. I don’t think any amount of telling him, “Harry, Occlumency is super important, and you have to focus on it” is going to help him get there when he doesn’t really understand why it’s important.

Julian: Yeah, yeah. And to Laura’s earlier point, the idea of not having information, right? He’s allowing his mind to stay open so that he can see what’s going on in the Ministry, because he literally has no sense of what’s going on. And so part of it is that there’s an incentive for him to be bad at Occlumency, because it actually gives him answers.

Eric: Yep.

Julian: And I think that makes it even more problematic, because it’s just… everyone went about this all the wrong way, and I feel like Harry is the one who’s ultimately paying the price, because even seeing into Snape’s memories, he doesn’t walk away feeling good.

Andrew: No.

Julian: He has a crisis of conscience.

Eric: He traumatizes himself further.

Julian: Yeah, exactly. It’s like everything he thought and all the stories he had told himself and had been told by other people all became unraveled in this moment, and so it’s like, you don’t even get the reward of being nosy and getting good tea. All you got was just trauma.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: Maybe Harry was feeling the mischief of the day. He’s like, “Yeah, I’m going to see what I can see, because everyone’s misbehaving.”

Andrew: Fred and George opened the watershed, and now here we are. “I need to cause some trouble too.” The tragedy to me about the moment where Snape pulls Harry out is that Snape and Harry actually could connect in this moment over how terrible James was.

Eric: Yes. That is such a point.

Andrew: Yeah, but they don’t, and Snape enters this rage. It’s borderline teenager hormonal type of reaction, like, [in a whiny voice] “I never want to see you in my office again!”

[Julian laughs]

Andrew: And we get his frustration, but at the same time, my heart breaks at this moment, because I want them to bond over this. I want Harry to say, “I feel terrible for what my dad did to you.” And he wants to, I think, doesn’t he? He kind of wants to have that moment with Snape, but he doesn’t get it.

Eric: Yeah, I think he just sees the white hot rage, and he shies away from it a little bit. But yeah, it very quickly could have been more of a teaching moment, I think, if Snape were less reactionary, if Harry were less devastated, just flat-out devastated that… I think Harry is in his head a bit too. Maybe he’s not ready to admit that Snape has been right this whole time, because he still needs to do some processing about it. But if Snape had done anything more violent than just kick Harry out, maybe there would have been a harder conversation that happened, where Harry is like, “I know I wasn’t supposed to see that, but let me tell you, this shocks me, and I don’t approve of my dad’s behavior.” Something like that. But before we get… so let’s get in the memory, but before we get to the confrontation between Snape and the Marauders, what is our take on this read-through of the Marauders and their personalities? I feel like this is the chapter, more than any other chapter, where we do get to finally see what we’ve all been craving since Book 3, when we learn the Marauders existed, was a day in the life, a slice of life from the Marauders themselves. You get good personalities of all of them, a good summary of what they’re all about. What’s our takeaways?

Julian: I think it’s fascinating. To me, I mean, to see Sirius the way that he is, the whole “I’m bored, so let’s go bully someone” vibe is wild.

[Andrew laughs]

Julian: It’s a wild thing to read, because we don’t know him that way up to this moment, right? We’ve only heard tell of that they were messy, right? But the idea that they’re just sitting there, and he’s just kind of over it in general, and so entitled enough to just say, “Eh, let’s go not only wreak havoc,” which is kind of what Fred and George do, “but do it at the expense of someone else, out of boredom.” And I thought, “Wow, you are a jerk of the highest order.”

Andrew: It’s interesting you say that because at the start of this book, he gets himself into trouble because he’s bored and wants to see Harry off at the train station. It’s kind of the same thing.

Eric: Ohhh.

Andrew: He’s putting Harry in trouble, really. And himself, I guess.

Laura: Well, I mean, we also see this reflected in what we know happened at another point in their schooling where Sirius tried to trick Snape into going into the Shrieking Shack while Remus was transformed during his time of the month.

[Julian laughs]

Laura: And James was the one who ultimately had to intervene there.

Eric: I think that’s probably yet to happen in the timeline, which is cool.

Laura: Right, right. But it’s kind of crazy, because I think as the reader and as Harry, that moment catches you off guard, because it’s like, “Wait, I remember Dumbledore telling Harry about this,” and I think we know at this point about Sirius trying to get Snape to go into the Shrieking Shack. We learned that in Prisoner, didn’t we?

Eric: Yeah, I think so.

Laura: Yeah, so we already have that context, and then we get to kind of see a precursor to something that we know happens play out right in front of Harry, and it stops us all because we’re like, “Oh, so Snape isn’t totally wrong.”

Eric: So Sirius is a jerk, canonically.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Julian: Big time.

Eric: My heart is breaking. Well, and later versions of him, he’s always so stunted, right? We always hear, “He stopped progressing around the time he went into Azkaban, his best friend was murdered,” all this stuff. You peel that back and go back to a time before all that trauma happened, you get to see a purer Sirius, and yeah, just like James, immature, has a few hundred things to learn about how to behave, right? And things he may never learn.

Julian: Well, and it makes sense, though. I mean, he comes from a family… I think at this point either he had just left home or was going to leave home. But he comes from a family where that kind of… I mean, what he’s doing is light work compared to what we understand the Blacks were really about, and I think… it strikes me that to Sirius, nothing is as bad as what his family does, and so everything is innocuous and everything is chill. Flipping Snape upside down is nothing compared to, undoubtedly, what he’s seen and what his parents espouse, particularly for people who aren’t pure-bloods, right? And so for him, he’s kind of like, “I’m bored. Let’s go get into some mischief. What’s the worst that could happen? Let’s find out.”

Laura: Yeah, I think that’s right. I just imagine him being like, “I’m not a bigot, not like them.”

Julian: Right, yeah.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, and that’s a problem if you’re equating the two, because there’s full on, with Sirius’s family… I think it is true that everything Sirius hates about Snape, he hates about his own family. I think that it very much… and James, too. Do we see them meet on the Hogwarts Express at the very end of Deathly Hallows, when we see all of Snape’s memories?

Julian: Yes.

Eric: Is one of them the memory of the…? And they’re immediately opposed to Snape. They’re just immediately like, “No, we sense something that we don’t like,” or the Slytherin aspect. I think he’s going on about Slytherin, and that triggers both James and Sirius to react. They both have different reasons for not liking it, but their hatred for Snape… like we just said, for Sirius, it’s self-hatred, and for James, it’s some level of “I’m purer than you,” kind of like “I’m more noble” or something. And they both just can’t get over it, so it’s very interesting. So yeah, I think the one thing I had for the Marauders’ personality that I noticed on this read-through is that Lupin can be funny. Again, these people are all traumatized; we rarely get to see them actually having a good time. But the setup and payoff of “Moony, did you get all those questions right?” Or “How do you like question ten?” And he’s like, “Oh, how to spot a werewolf? Well, yeah, the five ways are he’s in my seat, he’s wearing my clothes…” It’s hilarious! And Lupin, apart from silently allowing this bullying to happen and enabling it – which is awful – moments before, he’s able to crack a joke. And you just know that there were probably some really innocent moments not tarnished in this way that Lupin got to laugh through before everything turned to shit.

Andrew: Yeah. And building on that point, it’s just nice to see the rapport between the Marauders. I mean, we get so few glimpses into the life of these four; it’s been something that we’ve clamored for for a while, so just to have these little moments… you see how quick they are with each other, and just how good their friendship was. Yeah, not a revelatory thought, but it’s just nice to see.

Laura: Yeah.

Eric: So do we think…? Sorry, Laura.

Laura: Oh, I was just going to say, Eric, I was really glad that you brought up his sense of humor, because I think this is a really integral part of showing Remus’s development in his schooling years, his level of comfort at being able to joke about a chronic condition he’s going to live with for the rest of his life.

Eric: Yep.

Laura: It shows that he’s kind of been through the ringer with it, but had time to process it. And say what you will; his friends are bullies; they’re not bullies to him, though. So he does have a good support system in them, and it’s only because he has that that he’s able to make such an off-the-cuff remark like that. I mean, I don’t think he would have made it this long at Hogwarts if he hadn’t managed to make friends.

Julian: It’s also a wild moment in that scene when Sirius goes, “I wish it was a full moon.”

Laura: I know, right?

[Everyone laughs]

Julian: And I thought, “Dude! What a crazy thing to say.” And to your point, Eric, Lupin says, “I don’t.”

[Andrew and Julian laugh]

Julian: I love that.

Eric: Right! Well, what a deescalated way to handle that.

Julian: Oh, absolutely.

Eric: Because your friend pretty much just said he wishes hell on you, living hell.

Julian: And he’s just like, “I don’t.” And it, to me, I think speaks to, too, your point, Laura, about the comfort that he has with them, that he could say something that is high-key offensive, and your response is, “Yeah, no.” It speaks volumes about the relationship that he has with them, and the level of comfort that he has with them, and also how adjusted he is to absurd statements like that.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, I have to think that Remus’s bar for tolerance has to be a lot higher than any of his friends, because he has to deal with so much crap just because of who he is, right? So there are just difficult aspects of life he’s going to have to navigate that his friends never will. They’ll never experience that. And I think because of that, he does kind of have to take the higher road in so far as not having a screaming fight with his friends every time they say something dumb, but using it as an opportunity to kind of smack ’em down a little bit verbally.

Eric: And I wonder, too, because they’ve been practicing at becoming Animagi for years, and ostensibly it is to spend time with Lupin. And by now, he realizes that it helps him chill out when he’s a werewolf, too, to have them all there and do that. But so he’s long become used to this idea, I think, that for him, what is awful is something that for them, they not only worked really hard to achieve, but can be proud of. And thus their attitude of “We’re really looking forward to this” probably isn’t as crazy as it would seem if anyone else had said something like “We can’t wait till the next full moon,” knowing what he was.

Laura: True.

Eric: Because there was some level of collaboration where they all worked toward that same goal. But yeah, it’s just wild. And as far as Peter Pettigrew, yeah, there are no answers. He kind of just sucks, and we don’t know why.

Julian: The whole point where he’s like, “I think I got this part right,” and Sirius is like, “Dude, we literally are running around with one once a month, and you couldn’t get the answer?”

Andrew: That was crazy.

Julian: Yeah, that’s… I’m a person, I just don’t do well with that kind of incompetence, and I probably would have lost my mind in that moment.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Julian: I’d have been like, “Are you…?” I don’t know… how is that even possible?

Andrew: He’s the odd man out. I don’t know how else to explain it.

Julian: Sad state of affairs.

Andrew: Emphasis on “odd.”

Eric: They needed to have somebody to betray them eventually.

Julian: [laughs] It’s true.

Eric: But it is actually… I think we come down to this, that his clapping and dancing and somersaulting whenever James does something is the ego stroke that James desperately needs that not even Sirius will give him reliably.

Julian: Oh, yeah.

Eric: So James looks worse off coming off of this chapter, when you look at Pettigrew and the fact that he kept him close enough by him to know where his whereabouts were and stuff all the way to the end, because even though he reformed, he still needed Peter to be there, I guess, as a sick joke. So it’s kind of crazy. But do we think once they spot Snape that there’s any going back or anything that could deescalate? Because pretty much Sirius is like, “I’m bored,” and James says, “You’ll love this; here comes Snivellus.”

Julian: It’s interesting because it strikes me that in some ways, what Peter is to James, James is to Sirius. Because in that moment when James is playing with the Snitch, and Sirius is like, “Cut it out,” and James says, “Only because you asked,” and it doesn’t strike me that he’s being facetious. I think it’s a legit… I think there’s something about the way that Sirius operates that James really… he wants to keep Sirius happy in some capacity. And so it is an interesting dynamic, and maybe the analogy is not the best. People will probably yell at me about it, fine. It’s cool. But I do think that there’s something about that particular dynamic in this memory that really struck me, because I felt like, “Oh, James is doing this for Sirius.” And I think he doesn’t like Snape too, but I think that if it had been any of the other Marauders, I don’t think it would have escalated the way that it did. But I think because James wants to please Sirius in some capacity and keep him entertained, he goes and engages this in this way, and that’s what leads it to the escalation.

Laura: I really like that read, that James is just performing for Sirius, ultimately. He’s showing off to Sirius. It’s not so much… I mean, it is about Snape because they hate him, but it’s more about what it says about James to Sirius than it is anything else. I think that’s spot on.

Andrew: And I think that’s what kids do, right? They want to impress each other. They want to live up to their other friends’ expectations to continue to be a part of these friend circles.

Julian: And that’s why when Lily shows up, James is kind of thrown by her reaction to what’s happening here, because in his mind, it doesn’t carry the gravitas, because he’s like, “I’m just trying to keep this guy entertained.”

Eric: Yes.

Julian: It doesn’t feel as weighty to him, because it’s such a kind of, “Oh, whatever, Sirius is bored so we just did this thing, and I’m getting validation by behaving this way from him.” And she’s like, “No, that’s unacceptable.” But I think that there’s a emotional disconnect because of the way that she’s perceiving it and the way that he’s perceiving it.

Andrew: And another parallel we see in this chapter is how James reacts to Lily, and being unable to understand her is what happened with Harry and Cho earlier in this book.

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: James cannot read Lily and doesn’t get it. Can’t figure out women. I mean, he says in this chapter, in the scene, “What is it with her?” He asks the other Marauders.

[Eric and Julian laugh]

Andrew: Um, you’re being a bully?

Eric: This reminds me of Harry’s “Women!” after the last time he goes out of Madam Puddifoot’s. [laughs]

Andrew: It’s basically the same thing, yeah.

Eric: Well, I love this connection between Harry and James.

Laura: I think we see where Harry gets that particular deficiency from.

Eric: Wow.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: It’s genetic. Yeah, a complete ignorance toward women. I also love… so if we’re talking about that excellent comparison between James and Harry, there’s one between Lily and Harry that Micah actually made on Episode 465. I’m going to quote it here. He says,

“… and Lily, who tries to step in and make a difference. I see a lot of connection between Harry and Lily here, because I feel like Harry would do what Lily does in this moment and step in to try and rescue the person, right? He’s got a saving people thing. So actually, outside of looks and being good at Quidditch, he’s much more his mother’s son than he is his father’s.”

And I think that’s really key, is to see how Harry, personality-wise, is so close to Lily too.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: I was thinking it would have been interesting to see Harry instinctively try and step in to stop the bullying from happening, because you would think it might take multiple times experiencing a memory before you don’t instinctively try to take part in a live scene. It reminds me of when we get emails from listeners sometimes like, “Oh, I love you guys. I always talk back like you can actually hear me.” [laughs] Yeah, I’m surprised. I think I would do that. I would try to talk or hide or something because I’m assuming I’m live in the scene.

Julian: I think he was too shocked. I think this is one of these moments where he was just kind of frozen, because it’s like watching a trainwreck. You feel like… and I think for him, he’s like, “I’m literally watching this man who’s my dad and my godfather and my teacher really kind of engage in behavior that I can’t understand, because this is not how I saw them in my mind’s eye.”

Eric: Right.

Julian: But I do think it’s interesting, because I do think Harry is such a defender of Luna and all of the bullying that she experiences. And in many ways I do love what Micah said when you all were looking at this episode before, because I do think that part of that feels like such a solid parallel in these moments, is the way that he is such a defender of Luna to everyone.

Laura: He really is. I mean, he does it for Neville, too, as far back as Book 1.

Eric: Oh, definitely for Neville, yeah. And it’s like, “Well, if they would be in different Houses…” I mean, I think back to what Andrew was saying; this could have gone way differently coming out of the Pensieve, because Harry is clearly appalled by it. And I think there is a level of shock that comes, because things were going so well. Things were going so well, Harry was finally getting the time with his dad, all of his friends, until they weren’t. So I have a question, because we’re looking ahead to the TV show, and I think that the inevitable Snape’s Worst Memory scene in the TV show will be so much better than in the movie. If they have at least one word of dialogue, it will be superior, so the bar is subterranean, honestly, from the adaptation of the movies.

[Andrew and Julian laugh]

Eric: But what do we think we will see? How do we think the TV show, Season 5 or so, will adapt this scene?

Andrew: I feel like there’s fake information out there that it’s going to be a scene where Snape gets hung, and that’s just not true. Or is that…?

Eric: Oh.

Julian: Yeah, people are really, really worried about this scene as it pertains to the fact that they’ve cast a Black person to play Snape, and that it changes the dynamic of what we as viewers are going to be taking in, and that it moves us from a place of “Boys will be boys,” into a place of a hate crime. And so I think that concern… I think it’s valid, but I also think… well, there are a couple of things that are at work here. One, I think it only reads that way if all the Marauders are cast as white people, which I don’t know why they wouldn’t make that particular decision, given the way that they’re doing things. But also, it just doesn’t work that way in the magical world. And again, to your point, Andrew, the image isn’t going to be, I think, what people are conceptualizing. But also, and this is my response – has been to many people on social media who have brought this to bear – is it better? Would it be better? Is bullying bullying, and it’s just bad in general, and adding this racial component, which has no bearing in the world that we’re looking at, but bearing in our own as viewers, which I understand. But bullying is bullying, and so is it better to…? If everyone was white, would we be like, “Oh, okay, cool, no problem,” and is that okay? And I think that’s the thing that people are struggling with. I think the scene should work out exactly like it is in the book, personally. I don’t think there should be any change.

Laura: I agree.

Andrew: People seem to be forgetting, I think, how this scene played out in the book, and then one person says how they think it happened, and then it just spreads like wildfire online.

Julian: Yep.

Laura: I think also, a lot of people are kind of conflating this, because the imagery is Snape being held upside down to expose his underpants. I mean, that is the scene, and it’s terrible, right? No matter who it’s happening to. But I think a lot of people might be conflating that with some more charged historical imagery, and I think that’s where people are getting stuck. And yeah, like you, Julian, I get it, but I’m also… there’s nuance here that I think is being missed.

Julian: I agree, yeah.

Eric: It’s such an interesting point that the racism that people are worried about doesn’t exist in the world that we’re talking about. It exists in our world, absolutely, but in the wizarding world, the race aspect is not a component. It’s all to do with what blood status, right? So I don’t know. That’s an interesting…

Julian: And I understand the nuance and the weirdness of it, because I think that there’s a lot of discomfort, and I also think that a lot of people in the fandom who are fans of the Marauders are very invested in seeing their baby boys look as squeaky clean as possible, and that it’s really hard to allow for the “Boys will be boys” justification – which is what we tend to use for them in this moment – it’s hard to do when the person that the boys are being boys to doesn’t look like them. And so now it’s introducing a new piece that has been there before, I would say, because bullying is bad, regardless of who’s being bullied, whatever identity they have. I think that part of what’s happening here is that people are afraid that their baby boys are going to look exactly like who they were written to be in this moment, and they don’t like that.

Laura: That part. [laughs]

Julian: And some people are not going to like what I just said, and also, I said what I said. It is what it is.

Eric: I want to say on the record, too, I think that the discomfort and sitting in the discomfort is good and healing, and it’s how we reflect, right?

Julian: 1,000%.

Eric: So if it’s every bit as terrifying as it is written in the books, that alone will be enough for us to sit with. And probably, I would say the episode should end… back to the question of “How will they adapt it?” I think maybe the episode should end with Snape kicking Harry out, and Harry just escaping, because it’s such a huge book-sized bombshell, I think, that everything Snape has been saying to Harry for years is true.

Andrew: My heart still breaks reading it, like I was saying earlier. To follow up on what I said before; I found this one tweet, 243,000 likes on Twitter. “So I guess the scene where Harry’s dad hangs Snape from a tree is not going to be in the new adaptation.”

Julian: Geez Louise.

Andrew: That’s not what happens!

Julian: That’s literally not it.

Andrew: There’s a screenshot in the movie, and they’re messing with him by a tree. But people see that, and I’ve seen so many variations of this on TikTok and Twitter. People see it once, and they’re like, “Oh, that must have been what happened.” It’s the Mandela Effect, or people just believe everything they see. So yeah, people are looking for a reason to complain about this show, and they’re going to take any shot they can get.

Eric: I think that was a reason that was being used as a reason to not cast this actor as Snape at all. And like before, we’ve seen anything that he can do, which was not a concern. And so this comes from, ultimately, a place of wanting our media to be as concerned as we are with some of these difficult aspects of our society that we’re only, let’s be honest, just beginning to confront about society. So I think that, in that way, comes from a good place, but Internet forums and comment threads and tenth largest social media site discourse can ultimately be flawed, I think, as you’re pointing out, Andrew.

Julian: But it’s also fascinating because the casting has come out; Hermione is a girl of color, and the discourse has not remotely been the same about Draco, about what we know is going to happen, what Draco has to say. Very few people have said anything about it, and so I just find it fascinating. It’s an interesting thing to think about, because again, I think there’s a very particular section of the fandom who love the Marauders, who are wanting to protect the image of them. And I think…

Eric: So Hermione can’t be Black and Draco can’t be white, because in the second book… in theory, yeah.

Julian: In theory, yeah, that would be the argument, that we’ve not heard.

Eric: Because he’s going to call her a slur.

Julian: Right.

Laura: That has nothing to do with her race.

Andrew: I think two things. First of all… right, but I think one reason you might not be seeing any comments about that is A, this is a child, so I feel like people are holding back from making remarks about this young girl who’s been cast to play Hermione. And B, it’s just going to take one person going viral for that to start going crazy online. We might be able to already find it; we just haven’t seen it personally.

Julian: That’s true; maybe my algorithm’s just very well-tailored.

[Andrew and Julian laugh]

Laura: That does make me think about the SPEW storyline as well, and I know that’s something we’ve chatted about before. If they do cast Hermione as a person of color, how is it going to play out when that storyline comes up? And honestly, I think it’s just going to open up more avenues for analysis, so I wish people weren’t so scared of it. I think this gives us more, not less.

Eric: Of sitting in that discomfort, yeah.

Andrew: Another factor is that we’ve already had a Black Hermione, so I think that… we had this debate, unfortunately, ten years ago already.

Julian: That’s true, yeah.

Andrew: And people just don’t want this show to happen, so they’re complaining in any way they can because of the J.K. Rowling of it all.


Odds & Ends


Eric: So the end of the chapter happens. As we discussed, Snape throws Harry out. Do we have any odds and ends? I think, Andrew, I see one from you.

Andrew: Yeah, real quick. I just wanted to call out that when young James attacks young Snape, Snape’s wand flies specifically 12 feet into the air.

Eric: It’s nice that Harry was able to bring the measuring tape with him into the Pensieve.

[Julian laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, how does he know that? But Julian, in case you don’t know – you’re very well read with Harry Potter – but we like to call out the times that the number 12 is used across the series, because it’s actually a lot. It’s quite often. So always got my radar tuned for the number 12.

Julian: Okay.

Andrew: That and the number seven, of course.

Julian: Well, yeah.


Superlative of the Week


Eric: So what do we think is the best moment of mayhem on Umbridge’s first day?

Andrew: Oh, I thought you were going to ask about Lady Gaga’s Mayhem album. I was going to say “Perfect Celebrity.” [laughs]

Eric: What is the best track on Lady Gaga’s Mayhem? What do we think? Let’s speculate.

Andrew: Eric, you called out my favorite moment earlier, actually; the Weasley twins pushing Montague into the Vanishing Cabinet for God knows how long, and God knows where he went.

Eric: They do it so forcefully that it breaks the Vanishing Cabinet. Well, maybe it broke when Peeves dropped it, but still, it’s a damaged, busted Vanishing Cabinet.

Andrew: Yeah, and I just love the Vanishing Cabinet, and I love that they have no clue where he went, so I thought that was fun.

Eric: That’s really fun. My big thing is when they’re being besieged by fireworks and Umbridge shouts to Filch, “Don’t Stun them!” because it just blew up miserably in her face, and for all the chaos that moment is.

Laura: I’m going to give it to Flitwick for being sassy as heck. And I love the malicious compliance in him having to get Umbridge to come and dispense of the fireworks in his classroom, and he says, “I could have gotten rid of the sparklers myself, of course, but I wasn’t sure whether I had the authority.” Love that. I love it when I get to do that.

Julian: Oh, it’s the best feeling.

Laura: I love it when those moments present themselves.

Julian: So good. It’s so, so good. It’s very much giving “As per my last email.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Laura: Oh, yes.

Julian: It’s very much in the vein of that, and that just feels amazing. My moment of mayhem was just reading Umbridge trying to get Harry to drink this tea, and how bad she is at it. It’s just… there’s nothing worse than a villain who’s so clumsily villain-ing… you know what I mean.

Andrew: That works, yeah.

Julian: Yeah, we’ll go with it. But I love how bad she is at it, because she’s so desperate. For reasons that we don’t understand, she’s so desperate to try to get the truth out of him, because I think she wants to be the one to, I don’t know, find Dumbledore, catch Sirius Black, bring down Harry. She just wants to be the hero of the day, but she’s so inept at getting him to do it, and it’s just so funny to me.

Eric: It gives you hope. Like I was saying earlier, it gives you hope seeing these people falter, because they’re otherwise so imposing.

Julian: Yeah, it’s true.


Lynx Line


Eric: All right, well, we have a Lynx Line question next, and here is this week’s question: If you could select a team of students – your very own Inquisitorial Squad – and empower them to fill a void at Hogwarts, what would you have them do? What would their purpose be? It should be something that there is an obvious need for which existing Hogwarts school structure just doesn’t provide. So that was our question, and our Slug Club members on Patreon have replied.

Andrew: Carlee says,

“Definitely an anti-bullying squad. They see someone being teased or bullied (which happens a LOT in these books!), then they surround the person, heaping affirmations and pretty spells on them to drown out the insults. I’m picturing something like the ‘angels’ who used to show up at the Westboro Baptist protests to shield the targeted folks from the vitriol.”

Laura: Oh, I love that.

Eric: That sounds really nice. Like an anti-bullying… yeah.

Laura: Stand around them and chant “Shame.” [laughs]

Eric: Basically a bullying Patronus, right? To just shield you. Alex writes,

“Some sort of exercise club. While the books and canon seem to indicate that magic takes a tremendous amount of energy, exercise is really healthy for developing teens. With the amount of mountains and forests around Hogwarts, the hiking has got to be great. Getting together with friends or other students and going for a hike or a run sounds incredible in that type of environment. Plus, when the Room of Requirement is open, you can imagine the best gym of all time, and the Room of Requirement will deliver.”

Oh my God, I’m going to have all my favorite machines in there. This is great.

Laura: Definitely something we’ve also noticed throughout the series is the lack of showers that people seem to take, so it really does seem like the lack of physical activity is also an invisible activity that you have to think is happening at Hogwarts; we’re just not seeing it on screen. Noelle says,

“Maybe a homework help/tutoring center. It doesn’t really seem like professors have office hours for extra help, so there needs to be some way to help kids when they’re struggling, especially since we can assume they arrive at Hogwarts with inconsistent levels of literacy and other skills. When I started at Hogwarts late as a fifth year, I only went to like a dozen classes and ended up just casting Unforgivable Curses on everyone after robbing every nearby town.”

So this is Noelle speaking to her experience starting in Hogwarts Legacy as a fifth year.

Andrew: Sounds like it.

Laura: Which, hey, that was all of us. And honestly…

Eric: Well, speak for yourself, Miss Avada Kedavra, okay? Miss Crucio.

Andrew: Yeah, Eric claimed they weren’t doing those spells. Please.

Laura: Listen, the Unforgivable Curses are so fun. Sorry.

Andrew: They are.

Laura: They’re a fun game mechanic. [laughs]

Andrew: Eric, I’m going to watch you play Grand Theft Auto 6 next year. We’ll see how that goes for you without…

Eric: Oh, I’m going to kill everyone.

Andrew: Oh, there you go.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: All right, Mev said,

“I would put a bench in the courtyard, and any student who needs a friend to talk to would sit there, and the members of the squad, or any student who wants to help, go sit there and listen. No judgment, just listening.”

Eric: I love this.

Andrew: “We listen and we don’t judge.”

Eric: That sounds kind of like therapy, which would be a great Inquisitorial Squad.

Julian: Truly.

Eric: Zachary says,

“In pure satirical fashion, I’d have a joke squad led by none other than Peeves himself with the help of our favorite twins, Fred and George. The objective of the group would be to lighten the mood of stressed out students and to teach laughter as a healthy alternative. Giving Peeves and the twins a sense of responsibility would tone their behavior down quite a bit and let them get out their antics in a constructive and controlled fashion.”

Laura: John says, “Therapy and counseling. Too much trauma, and the kids are all away from home for the first time.”

Eric: That’s right, their support structure is gone. It’s back at home.

Andrew: Rachel said,

“I think there need to be more opportunities for inter-House mingling. They have some classes together, but that seems to be it. A student committee to plan events for the school or coordinate more clubs or student organizations that aren’t divided by House would be great.”

Julian: I love that.

Eric: And finally, Nicole says, “Hogwarts needs an orientation team. A group to help out new students learn all the quirks of Hogwarts (hidden steps, moving staircase, poltergeist, etc.” And Nicole adds, “This is coming from a former college ‘O-Team’ member.”

Laura: I did that. [laughs]

Andrew: All right, great feedback as always. Don’t forget, everyone, you can participate in the Lynx Line every week by becoming a patron at Patreon.com/MuggleCast; there will be a link in the show notes as well. If you have feedback about today’s episode, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, and next week, we will be discussing Chapter 29 of Order of the Phoenix, “Career Advice.”


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question was: The fourth planet in our solar system is Mars, named for the Roman god of war. What did the ancient Greeks call their god of war? Julian, do you know this one?

Julian: I do.

Eric: And it is?

Julian: Aries.

Eric: That’s right.

Julian: Nailed it.

Eric: Correct answer was Aries. Hey, listen, 94% of people with the correct answer did not look that up! This was one that nearly everyone knew, which is very exciting for me personally, because it rarely happens. And similarly, because people all knew the answer, we got a lot of winners, which this week include A Healthy Breeze; Abby; Amanda; Are Centaurs’ Shoes Lucky; Ares Ears Sear Rase Eras Are Sera (Anagrams); Bort is bright tonight; Buff Daddy; Christa; Countess Cassatelle; Dapperwon; Desperate House-Elves; Do you guys remember “Ahoy, Y’all”?; Dobby’s Lunch List; Dragonscript; Elizabeth K.; Grawp Tuah; Hagrid’s Missing Secret Filter; Half-Blood Queen; Hannah loves Wolfstar and Jily, if you like Jegulus, don’t talk to me; Hem Hem Headmistress; I finished finals; Dobby is Freee!!!!; I throw tens for Firenze; Ima Nerd; Julie Anne Fae; Lumos Knox; Maisy; Nathan G.; Nerdy Gryffindor; Okay, I looked up the spelling because ancient Greek class was a decade ago; Patronus sewer… is that right? Yep, that’s literally somebody’s name. Rita’s overworked Quick Quotes Quill; Skibidi Fanum Tax Sizzler Gurt; The Sherry Bottle Professor Trelawney threw away; The Tribe Has Spoken; Tofu Tom Loves Y’all; Umbridge’s Umbrage; Voldemort is President Snow???; and Voldy the red-nosed reindeer. Here is next week’s question: What band had a song at the top of the UK music charts for every week of May 1976? Which is the month that the Marauders sat their OWL exams, which we saw during this chapter. This is a multiple choice question, because again, I want those fun names. Was it A. Abba, B. Billy Joel, C. Aerosmith, or D. David Bowie that had a hit song the month that the Marauders sat their exams? Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch. If you’re already on the website, checking out transcripts or our must listens page or what have you, click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: Julian, thank you so much for joining us today. It was a pleasure having you on, and damn, you know your Harry Potter and your analysis.

Julian: [laughs] Thank you so much for having me. This was a blast.

Andrew: Yeah, so excited to have you on again. Where can we find you online? Plug all your things, please.

Julian: Sure. Okay, we’re going to do this rapid fire, Instagram: Prof.jw. TikTok: ProfW. CriticalMagicTheory.com, CriticalMagicTheory@gmail.com, Patreon.com/CriticalMagicTheory. There, I did it. And then Critical Magic Theory wherever you cast your pods.

Andrew: Okay, we’ll have links in the show notes as well, everybody. Please go check him out; he is a delight to follow on all platforms, and of course, to listen to on Critical Magic Theory. And yeah, we’ll talk to you again in the future, Julian.

Julian: Yeah, absolutely.

Andrew: Thanks, everyone, for listening. Don’t forget to visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast to support us, and also, please leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, and tell a fellow Muggle about the show. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Julian: And I’m Julian.

Andrew: Bye, everyone.

Julian and Laura: Bye.

Transcript #707

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #707, A New Trio, and That Same Author


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: We are your Harry Potter friends talking about the books, the movies, and the upcoming TV show, so make sure you follow us in your favorite podcast app; that way you’ll never miss an episode. And this week, we’re chatting about some major Harry Potter TV show news, and then spending this first episode of Pride Month talking about ongoing issues with J.K. Rowling, because it’s been five years since we last discussed her opinion on trans people, and she has continued to be awful about it, which presents an issue for many Harry Potter fans, so we wanted to talk about that today.


News


Andrew: So let’s get to the bright and cheery news first. The Harry Potter TV show, which is slated to start filming this summer, has found its Harry, Ron, and Hermione. And we imagine many of our listeners have now seen the photo; we posted it on the MuggleCast Instagram. Dominic McLaughlin, Alistair Stout, and Arabella Stanton have been cast as Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Showrunner Francesca Gardiner and Director Mark Mylod said, “After an extraordinary search led by our casting directors, we are delighted to announce we have found our Harry, Ron, and Hermione. The talent of these three unique actors is wonderful to behold, and we cannot wait for the world to witness their magic together onscreen.” Any initial thoughts on these three?

Eric: Kids are cute.

Laura: Yeah, and I think… I don’t know. It feels very spot on; it felt very similar to the first trio casting all those years ago, where you could automatically see them in those roles, and I feel really similarly about these three. I think what’s really exciting is that Arabella Stanton does have acting experience, and I did see a clip of her – it was just a very brief clip of her – either auditioning for something, doing a live reading, and she sounded just like Hermione. It was a little bit creepy. So I think they really hit the nail on the head there.

Andrew: Arabella Stanton is also a woman of color, which I was hoping would be the case after Hermione became a woman of color in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child in the UK and in every iteration of Cursed Child since then. This photo of the three of them together… like we said, they look super cute. It’s a cute photo of the trio, but it immediately reminded me of the original casting announcement with Dan, Emma, and Rupert those 25 years ago, because that cast photo had the three of them together looking this young at the time. So it’s like, “Wow, time is a flat circle.”

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: And yeah, I mean, we don’t know… like you mentioned, Laura, Arabella has some theater experience. I believe she starred in a version of Matilda? A stage version of Matilda?

Laura: Yeah, on the West End. So I mean, yeah, it’s pretty serious.

Andrew: Yeah, and I don’t know if the other two have acting chops. I know that Dominic, who is playing Harry, has blue eyes, I think. [laughs]

Micah: Uh-oh.

Eric: It looks like it.

Laura: Oh no, here we go again.

Eric: They did it again.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Somebody said green; I was like, “I don’t know if those are green. I think those are blue.” I personally do not care, but it’s something you look out for. [laughs]

Eric: Well, we’ll just have to see what the color grading is like for this TV series, because maybe it’ll look green. You know how they messed with all the color grading in the later films.

Andrew: Right.

Micah: I am wondering, though, looking at these names for these actors – Alistair Stout, Arabella Stanton – do you have to be a Harry Potter character in your first name in order to get cast in this series?

Eric: I’m sure it’s a plus, right? It’s like relevant experience?

Andrew: That was part of the audition’s paperwork, Micah. You didn’t…? I thought you saw the audition notice.

Micah: I didn’t read close enough; was that in the footnote, maybe?

Eric: You have to have a name like a fictional character, yeah.

Micah: What I do like about this, though, now is that we pretty much have the main cast, for Sorcerer’s Stone, at least. There’s still probably a few more that we could add in that maybe we consider to be in sort of that top tier category, like a Draco Malfoy. But for the most part, we’re there. And did it say in that article, what, 2026 they were going to start filming this? Or, sorry, they were going to start filming this summer with a release for 2026.

Andrew: That’s what they’re saying, yeah.

Laura: That’s exciting.

Andrew: And there were actually some photos of Privet Drive being built – I don’t know if y’all saw those aerial photos – so it’s all really coming together at this point.

Micah: Well, it does exist if you go to Leavesden. It’s still there.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: But they’re doing a whole different version, a bigger version, it looked like to me, but it’s nice to see that coming together as well.

Micah: Well, those are other characters, too, that we still haven’t heard about, the Dursleys.

Andrew: Yeah, well, it’s going to be a lot of fun seeing all these casting announcements over the next couple of months. I hope they do create some… they actually make some formal announcements about as many characters as possible, because as has become very clear at this point, people talk about all these casting announcements. So let’s just keep throwing these names out there.

Laura: Yep. We’ll keep an eye on it. Certainly more casting news to come.

Andrew: Stick with MuggleCast for continuing Harry Potter TV show coverage. We’ll be covering it as casting announcements continue to be shared. And of course, once filming gets underway, I’m sure there’s going to be more aerial photos that we’ll be able to enjoy. I have a drone; maybe I should head over there and report for MuggleCast with my drone.

Laura: Oh, man.

Eric: Man, you were just over there.

Andrew: I know. I know! Why didn’t I bring my drone?

Laura: Yeah, you could have done this.

Andrew: What are the drone rules over there?

Eric: You were setting up your drones, weren’t you?

Andrew: I need to… yeah, that’s what I was actually doing. [laughs]


J.K. Rowling’s transphobia


Eric: So as Andrew mentioned at the top of the show, it’s Pride Month once again, and as the Harry Potter fandom and franchise continues to expand, we did want to spend this episode revisiting a difficult subject, but of course, an important one, and that is the relationship between the Harry Potter books, their author, J.K. Rowling, and the current state of freedoms and rights of transgender people across the globe, whom Rowling continues to malign every chance she gets. So also, as mentioned, we did first discuss this five years ago. It was in January of 2020, between Episodes 447 and 448, and again in June of 2020, on Episode 469, when J.K. Rowling’s views – if you’ll call them that – first became known and she began talking about them more openly. And just like with those two MuggleCast episodes, for which we were joined by amazing guests, today’s episode also features a wonderful guest. We want to welcome to MuggleCast for the first time, Sunny Williams! Hi, Sunny.

Sunny Williams: Hi! Thank you so much for having me. It’s an honor to be here. I’ve listened on and off since the beginning, so that’s how long I’ve been around too. I am an instructor of philosophy; I specialize in ethics and social and political philosophy, especially gender and race. And I got my master’s degree from Queen Mary University London; I studied critical theory, which is very aligned with philosophy and literature, of course. Wrote my thesis on Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials, so I have a theme here of fantasy series.

Eric: Oooh.

Andrew: You have some nerd cred.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Sunny: Yeah, for sure. I’ve got some tattoos to prove it. [laughs] I am studying philosophy now; I will finish my PhD this year at Southern Illinois University Carbondale, but I’ve also studied philosophy at Oxford and at the University of Texas at Dallas, so that’s what I’ll be relying on here.

Eric: You’ve been all over the place, and I think you’re the perfect guest for this subject matter, with all your philosophy and ethics experience. And that said, we mentioned you also go way back with your fandom chops. You are an ex-wizard rocker, isn’t that right?

Sunny: [laughs] That’s right.

Eric: We know each other from… we would see each other at conventions. The OG days, the early conventions, and you were in…

Sunny: Like, 2006.

Eric: And you were in Harvey Putter, in the film. You played Hernia Grunger. And your wizard rock cohost – or wait, co-band mate – Bryce, was in that, too, and you together were Alohomora. It was a good name for a wizard rock band.

[Andrew laughs]

Sunny: Yes, I still love that name. Yeah, Bryce Cone – who’s Neville’s Diary, Quaffle Kids – I dragged him into another project, and we did one EP, we played a couple of shows, and then we both became teachers, so here we are. [laughs]

Eric: Hey, wizard rock was, I think, a very educational experience the times when I saw it, except for seeing Harry and the Potters, which I learned and felt was more like wizard church, but in a good way.

Sunny: In a very good way.

Eric: Anyway, here’s a question for you about regular Harry Potter stuff, though. I was looking up Alohomora on YouTube and saw that you had a song called “Draco Malfoy Is Really a Sweetheart.”

Sunny: Yes.

Eric: My question to you is do you still stand by that opinion these many years later?

Sunny: I think I could still defend that opinion. Many years later after writing the song, I wrote… I’ll see if I can convince you, or at least maybe bring you to the middle. We’ll see. I wrote a paper years later in undergrad on this, and I argued with a French philosopher named Louis Althusser, and he has this idea that there are these apparati – apparatuses, right? – that control our ideological status as social beings, right? So the government is one, and the other is the family. And so I based it on… the Blacks and the Malfoys are very much threatening punishment if you do not agree with their ideological ways of life, right? So Draco is born into that; we see Sirius fighting this a lot, right? And then you see through the series that Draco is really hesitant about some things, about killing Dumbledore, right? Oops, spoiler. I argue that there’s a lot of evidence that he doesn’t really want to be the person he’s expected to be, and so that maybe there’s a sweetheart under there that got kind of corrupted and suppressed by the ideological apparatus of his family.

Eric: So he could have been a sweetheart.

Sunny: Could’ve been.

Andrew: As a Slytherin, I approve of this idea.

[Eric laughs]

Sunny: Right? I know; I’m a Slytherin too.

Andrew: Excellent.

Eric: Well, Andrew, we know many sweethearts who are Slytherins.

Andrew: Aww.

Sunny: At least the two of us. And Draco.

Eric: And I’m uncrossing my fingers right now.

[Sunny laughs]

Eric: Yes, so that’s really awesome. Welcome to the show.

Sunny: Thank you for having me, and Happy Pride.

Laura: Yeah, Happy Pride.

Andrew: Happy Pride!

Eric: If any of our listeners are asking why now? It’s been five years for the show – the short answer – and we mentioned this a few weeks ago, but the time to talk back about J.K. Rowling was ripe. Just like we’re finding during our Order of the Phoenix Chapter by Chapter episodes now, there are startling parallels between a government which is lying to or actively harming its citizens, a for-profit media system that fails to maintain journalistic standards of integrity, and also – this part hurts me the most – a populace that’s largely susceptible to gossip, libel, and identity politics. Unfortunately, this is the world we live in, and what might have seemed like a fringe group or unfortunate thing on J.K. Rowling’s part five years ago – she’s, okay, checking in with some exclusionary feminists over in the UK – it’s just continued nonstop and involved into a full on onslaught, and TERFs now are cozying up with members of the alt-right for power. It’s this huge political push that would see trans people removed of their access to healthcare – that’s really happening – stripped of their dignity and identities, forced fully out of public life – that’s really happening – legally discriminated against, marginalized, and at higher risk of assault, murder, suicide, all of that than they were five years ago. So yeah, it’s come back around, and it’s time we revisited the topic of her problematic views. And there’s actually a news item about this, because hand-in-hand with the casting announcement that came this week, we also got an announcement over the weekend that J.K. Rowling has now formed J.K. Rowling’s Women’s Fund, which will directly impact court cases against transgender folks. These cases would normally not be deemed financially viable; it’s a fund set up specifically to fund them, and the line in the release says, “Individuals or organizations the fund is designed to support include individuals who are facing tribunals -“ sounds a lot like “witch hunt” to me “- because of their expressed beliefs, are being forced to comply with unreasonable inclusion policies regarding single-sex spaces, have issued legal challenges to legislation which, it says, takes away the freedoms or protections women are entitled, or who otherwise cannot afford to bring actions to court to defend themselves.” And the fund is coming directly from Jo’s pocket. They do not take donations based on the way it’s set up; it’s just Jo. So we have some new evidence in the struggle to continue to just figure out where our place is in all of this, because some of this is really scary.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, at this point, I’ll just say I think that she is full on grifting. I think she’s really found a whole new audience to appeal to, and I think she gets fueled by fighting with people on X, usually people who have 12 followers; I don’t know why, but that’s, I guess, where she likes to spend her time. She’s also amplifying and funding – obviously, as you said, Eric – a lot of harm against the trans community, and I ultimately think it’s a giant double down on her part. It just feels like ego plays a part here. And that’s just my interpretation; I’m not besties with her, obviously. I can’t say what she is or isn’t thinking. But I guess the sad reality is maybe she doesn’t have another Harry Potter in her, so this is what she’s turned to to get attention and be relevant, and I just think it’s sad that she’s chosen to go down a path that is so antithetical to the stories that made her famous.

Andrew: I don’t really think it’s that she doesn’t have another Harry Potter in her. I think when you become a billionaire…

Laura: I mean…

Andrew: Well, the Robert Galbraith series has done pretty good. Nobody has another Harry Potter in them.

Eric: But I thought a man wrote the Robert Galbraith series?

Laura: But here’s the thing: There’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t think anyone would ever expect someone to have a second one of these in them. But it feels like there is a desperate attempt to remain relevant not for something that is 30 years old at this point.

Andrew: So I think… the main point I wanted to make was when you become a billionaire, something chemical happens to your brain…

Laura: Yes.

Andrew: … and it’s rarely good. There are some good billionaires out there, but it seems like when people become billionaires – the ones we’ve followed over the last couple of decades – they lose their minds. Laura, you asked why she’s fighting with people with 12 followers on X; it’s because she’s a lonely loser who legitimately has nothing better to do than sit on Twitter for ten hours a day. Twitter, the tenth largest social network in the world – not even the biggest one – and just fight with people. That’s loser behavior. Go out and do other stuff. You don’t have a life.

Eric: Yeah, no, and she still has millions of followers, though, who will see her points and gradually, by the way we’ve seen repeated falsehoods, wearing people down into maybe partially believing them. Her influence, unfortunately, is still too large to ignore. But I completely agree; she’s gone off the rails. But you can just tell by looking at any day of her tweets that this is a compulsion. This is a need.

Micah: I’m curious to look back and see what the defining moment was, because when I think about J.K. Rowling on Twitter, I think about the way that she would engage with the Harry Potter fan community, answer questions; we were always interested to see would she respond to one of us and give us a little bit more information on a particular character, right? She would always celebrate the Battle of Hogwarts. Maybe that’s the inner child within me, just wanting to hear from her, but to go from that to what we see now – and this builds on what Laura was saying – it’s really sad, because she is contradicting one of the core tenets of the Harry Potter series, which is inclusivity. And so many fans, especially those in the LGBTQ community, grew up seeing themselves in these characters who fought for justice in a world that often misunderstood or mistreated them, and so how do you write that and then continue with the rhetoric that we see each and every day on X?

Laura: Yeah, and to add on to that point, Micah, I think what makes it… I think it’s just an additional level of hurt that comes with it. I mean, J.K. Rowling is someone who has supported and funded incredibly good causes in the past. She’s someone who has stood on the right side of history and the right side of humanity, so I think that’s another way in which this switch just can still feel jarring sometimes, because we all grew up looking up to her.

Eric: Right, and myself included. And I’ve called her queen on this podcast, and not like, “Yaasss queen,” but like, our queen, our empress.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It was before that verbiage was really around. But yeah, I mean, this is the same woman that wrote through Albus Dumbledore, “It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be.” That’s from Goblet of Fire. That was written 25 years ago, or published 25 years ago, and that person… and also, if we’re talking about her X presence, she used to rip Donald Trump every new day when he did something crazy. Nowadays, guess what, guys? She’s retweeting and celebrating his actions in the Oval Office.

Micah: There’s a word that you used, Eric, which is “unrecognizable,” and I think that’s really the best way to describe this shift. She is unrecognizable from the person that wrote these books.

Eric: Yeah. And Andrew mentioned, lonely. I think she also has complained loudly about how Dan, Rupert, and Emma, her previous trio, have all and fairly swiftly – we covered in our last episode – all released statements kind of just, well, really contradicting her and saying, “No, trans women are women. Erasing their lived experience is not okay, and we stand with them,” and she has not spoken with them. Recently on X, she said… there was a meme that was like, “Oh, if you could reboot a movie franchise without a lead actor, what would you do?” And she said, “I’ll give you three answers.” And it’s so clear that they’re dead to her and that she can’t get over that they may have a different opinion than her. It’s pretty toxic. Sunny, what are your thoughts?

Sunny: I agree with all of y’all in that it’s such a switch, as Laura said. I was talking to a friend about her this weekend, and my friend said, “Well, she’s like Trump. She’s a provocateur.” And so the comparison to Trump kind of works here. But you’ve made me just realize something, Eric, that because she’s lost support of maybe the trio and other people, right, who have spoken out against her – David Tennant, just to think of people who are coming off the top of my head – I feel like now it’s about pride. She’s like, “Well, I’ve lost these people, and I said these things, and now I have to double down, and this is who I have to be now.” There’s a part of me that wonders how much is… and the reason I say pride is because there seems to be no inclination to consider that she might be wrong, to consider science.

Eric: Five years ago, it seemed like she might listen, right? That she might be open to listening. She said, “I’ll march with you,” referring to trans people.

Sunny: Right? Where is that girl?

Eric: And it seemed more nuanced. It seemed, at least, that there was some level of thought, and yet at the time of the immediate backlash from the public and trans people, she shut down and has not stopped doubling down ever since. And in fact, it’s immaterial what her intentions were, because the harm she’s causing and continuing to cause – I have stats on it, which I’ll talk about in a minute – but yeah, it’s just been really bad.

Sunny: It seems gleeful, too.

Eric: She’s gleefully… she’s cruel.

Sunny: Happily, gleefully mean. Yeah, it’s alarming, and very discombobulating.

Andrew: There was one time – like y’all were saying – early on, where she was talking like she is supportive of trans people and wants them to be included, and now it feels very exclusionary and very hateful at every turn. And like y’all are saying, it’s like, “What happened to those views you had just a few years ago?” I mean, all this is on record on her Twitter, if you really wanted to dig into it. But she tweets a lot, probably by design, so it’s hard to keep up with.

Laura: Also, because she doesn’t have anything else to do, apparently.

Andrew: Yeah, she’s a loser.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: And I know people are going to be like, “I can’t believe you’re saying that, Andrew; you do a podcast about her,” but you imagine being a billionaire and spending all your time on Twitter, then tell me if that sounds like something you would do.

Micah: [laughs] I mean, just think about the person who owns Twitter.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: A billionaire.

Micah: That’s my point. I do think, though, it is important, because I kind of fell a little bit into this trap a couple of years ago with… I listened to the podcast, “The Witch Trials of J.K. Rowling,” which is hosted by Megan Phelps-Roper, former spokesperson for the Westboro Baptist Church, and it was so interesting listening to the conversation between the two of them. And when I say I kind of fell into this trap, is J.K. Rowling, when you listen to her… X is such a very different platform because it’s written word and it’s so reactionary, but when you sit there and you actually listen to what she has to say, and she answers these questions and she talks about these particular topics, I think the scary thing is you can leave it actually feeling like, “Oh, you know what? The way that she’s framing all of this isn’t actually coming across as being that bad.” And so I’m just curious – Eric, Sunny – if you could speak to the danger of somebody like that who is such a good wordsmith and can kind of talk around issues, but still be doing so much damage underneath the surface.

Sunny: Well, the first word I thought of is… Eric and I were talking about this word that we keep seeing her use, “sophistry,” which is a very ancient philosophical word that really just kind of means good arguments, good reasoning, good rhetoric, right? And the word “rhetoric” is now kind of a negative word too. She’s using it in a negative way to mean fallacious arguments, like the arguments don’t make any sense; there’s no reasoning. And then she proceeds to do that herself. So I find it really interesting that she’s using words, right, that are… and words are so convincing, especially if they’re crafted in the right way – like you said, Micah – to spread falsehoods, really, and to make arguments that are really volatile and incorrect, and they’ll play on people’s emotions, right? So we see that politicians do this; that’s why we think of rhetoric as a negative word, when it’s really just good reasoning, good arguments, originally, right? We’ve kind of lost track of what those words mean. So yeah, I think it’s incredibly dangerous. I said this to Eric early on; she’s basically a politician at this point.

Eric: All right, so to start off our main discussion here, I wanted to talk about how pressing the situation is for trans people. In 2020, when we last did those episodes on MuggleCast, there were 100 bills introduced that year in the US targeting LGBTQ people. In 2025 so far, there have been 850 bills, and the year is not half over. That’s not including executive orders from Trump himself. They are all cruel, many of them based on lies and assumptions that are just not backed by science. In fact – again, recent news; I was like, “Wow, this is great, but awful” – the “Big Beautiful Bill” that you hear Trump talking about, that passed the House and has yet to pass the Senate, bans gender-affirming care for not just trans youths, but at the last minute, to appeal to some of the more right wing members, they actually struck a word saying transgender “youths,” and now, under the ACA and Medicare, are going to ban all gender-affirming care on those health plans from all trans Americans. This bill has passed the House, and it’s coming. If this happened, look, it would affect me; I have one of those plans. And so it’s been feeling pretty dire lately, but this is all coming out of a snowball effect that started, namely, with J.K. Rowling. She’s the figurehead, and she has been pushing for this and pushing for this. The UK has just reversed or changed its ruling around a court case about folks with gender recognition certificates. These are people that have legally changed their gender in the UK. The Supreme Court, in a case that was partially funded “For Women Scotland,” was funded by J.K. Rowling – £70,000 pounds, I think, that went to them – have now reversed that decision, and now there’s a lot of ambiguity that has to be figured out about where trans people are going to be allowed to use the bathroom in spaces that surely will make them unsafe and the target of harassment. So listen, the thing about this and why I wanted to talk about this as a main part of the discussion is that the policies that are being put out there are all based on bad science. TERFs and J.K. Rowling will herald the latest report, saying, “This gets to it.” She retweets constantly; “This is the answer. This is exactly why men are pretending to be women.” It’s all fake. It’s all not true. There was something a year ago called the Cass Review that came out; it was commissioned by the National Health Service in the UK, and it was said to be this exposé on what they’re calling “radical gender ideology.” It completely ignored the findings of many, many peer-reviewed studies; it smudged the findings of studies that had been done so that they wouldn’t as favorably show the reasons and results of transgender people seeking care. Sunny, why is it important to have peer-reviewed sources in a scientific report? I’m curious; I have to ask the nearest professor about this.

Sunny: Yeah, we didn’t used to back in the day, so now we’ve realized that people make mistakes. But it’s also… as a reader, if you’re reading this work, you’re not going to trust whoever wrote it if they don’t have all of these sources that have been double looked at by at least two of your peers, right? It’s usually two. But the reason for that is that we as an academic community, hopefully as a scientific community… I went to a Philosophy of Science conference last year, and they’re even more so intent on this kind of peer review, so that everything that they release, they can say is true, right? And there’s a lot of trust in science issues that we have, especially since COVID, because information was released that was not true or was half true or was paid to be true, right? So peer review helps to prevent that kind of information from circulating.

Eric: I think it’s safe to say that there is a lot of that going out there, not just about the trans issue, but a lot of misinformation and a lot of people weaponizing social media posts and other lies. We all have seen that recently, so peer review seems a way to really cut through that. Sunny, one of your articles… and you’ve recently started a Substack, which absolutely we’ll be linking to; Sunny Anne Williams on Substack. One of your articles that you wrote was about how J.K. Rowling, much as she may be this convincing person on Twitter, never cites a source that has been reviewed or has any real evidence behind it.

Sunny: Right, or she’ll cite a source, but there’s a source that is better reviewed, right? Or has better information that she completely disregards. So we’re back to fallacies, right? She kind of lives on them. You even said, Eric, that she would start with, “Oh, we’re protecting women,” and then there’s all this stuff, right? That’s a red herring, right? Get you involved, you’re really excited about this thing that you agree with, and then maybe you’re also going to buy into the next thing, which is the harmful thing, right? So she works this way a lot. Now, as a person… so my master’s degree is in literature, and this is how literature works. She’s used to writing literature. You want to be provocative, you want to get people emotionally involved, you want to use words that are really sexy, and in academia, we don’t do that. It’s all factual; it’s unbiased, as much as we can be, right? We want to state things not as opinions, but as claims that we then must prove with evidence. And so she makes tons of claims, no evidence, so I found some for her. [laughs]

Andrew: We were talking about social media earlier, and social media rewards the outlandish talk. And this is why, unfortunately, no matter where you stand on this and many other issues, you see everybody throwing themselves as far to the left or as far to the right as possible, because that’s the only stuff that gets attention. When you start introducing, God forbid, nuance into conversations, you get no attention, because it’s like, “No, that’s not outrageous enough, so I’m not going to engage with it.” And Rowling – to your point, Sunny, being a writer, being creative – she comes up with stuff that she knows is going to get attention on social media.

Sunny: Absolutely.

Eric: Well, so getting back to this Cass Review, it was… Dr. Hilary Cass is the stated author of it, who actually consulted with Ron DeSantis in Florida to help write this, by the way. That’s how you know. There was a previous thing in Florida where they tried the same thing.

Laura: Sounds about right.

Eric: The idea is: Publish a report that slams transgender care, talks about things like regret rate, talks about things like the side effects of hormone replacement therapy on minors and all this stuff, quotes and misquotes, doesn’t include actual trans people in any of its interviews, that kind of thing. Publish it, scare people, get all the TERFs to retweet it, and then what you start to see is not just federal but local governments, little governments reading this review, which is, by the way, published, again, by the NHS – we have the Health and Human Service here that’s run currently by RFK Jr. – and it has this credibility to it, not because it’s credible at all, but because of where it’s coming from. And in this way, bills are being passed, laws are being passed or attempted to be, and a lot of them in the US have historically gotten defeated, but not all of them, and certainly the lose rate is lower now, with 47 in the office. So here’s the thing: The Cass Review was a nightmare. This year, in fact last month – again, lot of new stuff happening; this is why we’re talking about this – the HHS has published a report now. This report won’t even list an author, and tricksy Hobbitses over on the Internet have looked into the EXIF data… I don’t even know what half this stuff means…

Micah: Is that Dr. Tricksy Hobbitses?

Eric: Dr. Tricksy Hobbitses. My favorite, yes.

Micah: PhD.

Eric: MD.

Micah: Oh, MD. I’m sorry.

Eric: The EXIF data shows that the HHS report – which doesn’t peer review, which doesn’t cite an author – was written by a lobbyist and no doctors! A lobbyist who worked in the anti-trans advocacy. So look, there’s bias. There’s people who are probably biased, and then there are people that are absolutely biased, and then, a thousand feet down the road, there’s somebody who’s been paid to spread disinformation. And if you know this administration, and if you know the kind of stuff they’re pulling… I’m going to say it; if you have to rely on lies, half truths, and falsehoods to convince people what you’re doing, what you’re doing is not just. Can’t wait to talk about ethics. But it’s wrong, and unfortunately, it’s continuing to be used to strip trans people of their rights. So here’s the problem: It’s political. It’s not scientific; it’s masquerading as science. J.K. Rowling said science is real. No one’s arguing that. You’ve got to learn how to read it, though. Things like regret rates, we mentioned, they’re actually the lowest of pretty much any surgery, some of the lowest rates. In fact – by the way, as an aside here – whenever they try and track regret rates for gender transition and gender-affirming care, the rates are so low that the people who are in charge of discrediting gender-affirming care have instead suggested that we measure transitioning – and whether it should be allowed to be done by people – as to whether those people are employed instead, right? So not their happiness, not their experience at all, but whether they have a job. And it’s like, well, that actually pertains to societal factors, which are caused by hatred and prejudice, and so that number is sure to be lower than the very infinitesimally small number of people who regret. And the people that do regret doing this; first of all, a lot of it’s reversible. Second of all, they regret it because it’s so hard to live as a trans person in society. So there’s so many factors. The bottom line is the state of the world, and what has happened the last couple of years, is not based in science. It’s pulling at your emotion. It’s lies, and it’s being held up because the people that are in power today are in the business of promoting lies and promoting division and wanting you to be scared about trans women in sports or trans women in your bathroom. It’s all a smoke show, and none of it is scientifically true.

Laura: Well, and I think one of the other unfortunate things about it… we were talking about all the unfortunate things in this realm, but I think what really sucks about it is I think there are good faith questions that people can have about trans people and what it means as a society to move forward together, and I don’t think there’s anything bad about having questions about those things. I think what is bad is when you say, “Well, I don’t know how we can equitably allow trans girls to play sports in schools, so because I can’t personally explain how that could be handled, I guess that means these people just don’t get rights.” That doesn’t make any sense to me. Somebody could probably come at me with a million and one intentionally inflammatory questions about trans people and where they’re going to the bathroom and what sports they’re playing, and the honest answer I would probably have to a lot of their questions, apart from saying, “Hey, I think you’re being intentionally inflammatory,” but would also be to say, “I don’t know, because I’m not a doctor. I’m not a scientist. I’m not a pediatrician. And I think that we should rely on the experts in these areas to continue developing and learning more.” Because while there’s nothing new about the existence of trans people, I think a society really trying to integrate their existence in a way that is fair and equitable and happy and healthy, I think there are going to be misses. There are certainly times that we have stumbled as a people in the past when it came to other hard won civil rights. We haven’t always been perfect at it; we’re not going to be perfect at this. But I think holding up the nightmare scenario of “Well, because we can’t be perfect, it means that men are going to be in women’s bathrooms trying to assault them,” it’s ridiculous. That’s what I think is unfortunate, because I think it makes otherwise well-meaning people who have just genuine, good faith questions, it makes them shy away from the conversation, and it only leaves the extreme. Anyway, that’s my take.

Micah: Well said.

Sunny: You’re spot on, yeah.

Eric: So another thing I want to mention is that Rowling isn’t really protecting the people that she thinks she is. Let’s get to the cruelty aspect again; here’s a hypothetical that was given to Rowling the last week. It was a woman who’s transgender that had done all the surgeries. Under the new UK law, she could be imprisoned with men. Prison rape is already a problem; this person would surely be attacked and harmed. Rowling, in response to this hypothetical, referred to the trans woman as a surgically-altered man, and said, “No, what the real human rights violation is is for people to say that you can change your sex.” And she constantly refers to trans women as trans-identified males. They’re all males; they’re all men that are here to ruin your life. And it’s degrading, it’s dehumanizing, it’s absolutely absurd, because she has no empathy for the results. In fact, if a trans woman gets assaulted or raped in prison, as they do, it’s not her problem, because those people were born boys and they’re just men, and it’s not her purview. She’s a hero and a champion of women. And I’m sorry, but I cannot align myself with anybody that is that cold and cruel, and it’s simply not in my nature to find those things convincing when you watch what she is saying and the viciousness of it all. And in fact, she has claimed that she has never gone against cis women, but she does it all the time, and the most recent time is the Olympic boxer Imane Khelif, and she viciously spread rumors that this woman was trans, calling her a man who’s boxing the woman. It was this whole controversy thing. Elon Musk retweeted it; it was a whole thing. And actually, that was nearly a year ago. She’s still going on about it. She just yesterday posted that there still hasn’t been a genetic test for… I mean, this is like Trump, who used to go on and on about a birth certificate, right? It’s just absolutely insane. She’s still obsessed with this. There are intersex conditions that would cause somebody to be born with entire female anatomy, never had a penis, you can even give birth, and you could be intersex. You could have a Y chromosome. It’s this whole thing. Science is not simple; it’s complicated, and there are these issues. And here’s J.K. Rowling calling Imane Kelif a man – viciously, violently, cruelly – and women are suffering. Again, this comes back to this whole backlash. How are you going to police trans women in dressing rooms, in single-sex spaces? Whereas normally they’re just minding their business, now it’s giving a warrant for people to burst in and assault people that they accuse of being trans. And Laura, you’ve actually found a number of examples of that recently.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, there have been a number of examples particularly since 2020 of women and girls being, at the best case scenario, just verbally harassed, all the way up to physically assaulted because someone saw them playing a sport or going into a bathroom and decided that they looked more like a man, or they looked more like a boy, and those people took it upon themselves to interject and try to tell someone what bathroom they should be in, or what recreational sport, by the way, they’re allowed to play; not even competitive sport. And I mean, this has happened. I mean, one of these stories involves a 9-year-old girl who had a 67-year-old man trying to get her disqualified from playing shot put because she had short hair, and he thought she looked like a boy. So this kind of rhetoric is really giving people permission, and it’s really emboldening people to think that it’s any of their business to get involved in people’s personal identities. I don’t know. This woman, she is so obsessed with gender testing, genetic testing… if she’s so obsessed with that, she should go get one done for herself and be done with it. I don’t know. You don’t get to tell other people they have to do that.

Andrew: And on television, in right wing media sources, you see a lot of outsized coverage about trans athletes, and they’re making it into a bigger issue than it actually is. If you believe what you hear on Fox News, you would think every sport team in every middle school has a trans woman or a trans man on the team, when really there’s maybe a handful across America. [laughs]

Sunny: Ten, in college sports.

Andrew: Ten! There you go. Thanks for the exact number, Sunny.

Eric: Yeah, the executive order that Trump posted affected ten. But because “Oh, it’s so easy to say men who have a strong, burly, competitive advantage over women,” which, after two years of hormone therapy, that’s been disproven. Still, nevertheless, it hooks you and it makes you think, “Oh my God, we’ve got to protect the women.” It’s just cruelty. It’s trying to… I mean, the solution to this other problem where all these cis women are put in terrible situations, because now the public at large has this license to go and police their gender, all these gender non-conforming or really just women who happen to be a few inches taller than the norm, all are at risk because of this rhetoric. So J.K. Rowling is not saving women at all. And her solution… this is probably a short-term thing, because she’s like, “Oh, in a few years, trans people will be completely eradicated, and it won’t be a problem.” It’s a pill she’s willing to swallow.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Eric: That’s the goal here! It really is. I’m not hyperbolizing. I wish sometimes I make an exaggeration; I’m not hyperbolizing. The laws that have been enacted and the bills that have been passed, even in the last month in the US and the UK, are designed to do exactly that. There’s no bathroom for us to go to. There’s no safe space!

Micah: Just on the sports piece for a second – and this is kind of combining some of the things that have already been touched on, and I think Sunny brought this up, the rhetoric being so toxic, and this also layers on what Laura was saying – because it is so toxic, you can’t have the conversation. And I think that there are people who would be open and more than willing to have meaningful conversation about transgender youth in sports, but it can’t happen because the narrative has become so polarizing, and until we get to a better place, people aren’t going to come together and have a seat at the table to hopefully advance something that really shouldn’t be that big of an issue at the end of the day.

Eric: Yeah. Sunny, I wanted to ask you; this whole purity test thing for women and gender conforming and stuff, it seems pretty exclusionary to me. I don’t know. What’s your take on it?

Sunny: Well, I think about Kelif a lot, actually, because… and you mentioned this, Eric, that there are up to, we think… “we think.” Scientists think; I’m not a scientist. 40 different variations of sex hormones that you can be born with, right? So Kelif is born with sex hormones, as we all are, that perhaps affect phenotype. That’s kind of what Laura was saying. So phenotype is how you appear; your hair is short, you appear a boy, right? This came about through philosophy of race, this idea of the one drop rule, right? You’re a little Black, so you look it or you don’t, right? Are you passing? So this plays out in the trans world too. We think about when integration was happening and how volatile those conversations were, and now we’re having another change, right, in integrating a different group into society that is based in fear, and that we had the same fear during segregation when integration began, right? So now we’re doing it again with a different group. And so the purity test is based in that binary that isn’t even real. Gender is not binary, sex is not binary, and science shows that. So leaning into this binary that… Rowling even said recently, “You’re either a woman or you’re not,” and then she gave some kind of reference to “The female body is made to produce eggs.” There are many cis female bodies that do not produce eggs. [laughs] So what creates this binary for her is arbitrary and untrue, and she leaves no room for any nuance of gender expression, phenotype, sex expression, and that harms more than just trans people. The whole queer community, in my opinion, can be harmed by that.

Laura: Definitely. And I think at the end of the day, it also blows back on women as a larger group, I think, to your point, Sunny, right? If a cis woman’s phenotype doesn’t match the way J.K. Rowling personally feels a woman should look like, then who has the power to say that person’s not a woman? I guess J.K. Rowling thinks she’s been bequeathed that particular privilege, which is just wild to me.

Sunny: She’s the queen, so…

Laura: Yeah, but I’ve always wondered, has she ever considered that the same script can be flipped on her? In the whole wide world of people, does she think there’s not a single person who might have a different take on her gender than maybe she does? And does she think that person should feel emboldened to publicly question her in that way and demand genetic tests? It’s just very bizarre.

Micah: I’m thinking about just some of the responses I’ve seen her put out on X. I wouldn’t be able to have an opinion on any of this. If I voiced my opinion, she would just say, “Well…”

Eric: “Man.”

Micah: “Man? No, sorry.” It reminds me of the “Shut up and dribble” type of narrative that came towards certain NBA players when they spoke out about political issues.

Eric: Oh, God. It’s on a bad trajectory, and it’s gotten really worse. But actually, we mentioned at the top of the show that doing our Chapter by Chapter of Order of the Phoenix, it has been illuminating, and just like in 2020, now we really find a lot to compare current politics to in the books. We thought we would actually come up with a few scenarios, or mention a few scenarios from the Harry Potter books that echo this moment in time, and also the actions of Rowling or the situation with trans people.

Andrew: This would be like if Lucius was lining the pockets of the Ministry to get a court trial or outcomes that he wants, instead of what’s actually right. He would be putting the right pressure in the right places. And of course, Lucius is a Death Eater, so that tracks, and Lucius’s actions caused a hippogriff to be sentenced to death. That was unfair.

Eric: Lucius did do this.

Laura: I wanted to draw a comparison between what’s happening right now and what we see happening in Order of the Phoenix with Umbridge and the Ministry interfering in schooling and in the curriculum, really limiting that curriculum and leading a campaign of intimidation to stop people from talking about ugly realities that don’t reflect favorably on the Ministry. And we see this reflected today with things like “Don’t say gay” bans, where literally no conversation about identity is intended to be allowed in schools and states where this has happened. Or you look at states like Texas that were trying to ban furries from elementary schools and ban litter boxes because they said the furry children were being accommodated with litter boxes, and that literally has not happened.

Eric: Never happened.

Laura: So they’re literally taking Facebook chain letters and using them to justify legislation that has pretty major downstream impacts on society in the way kids are educated, so that is something 100% that we see represented in these books right now.

Eric: Another thing that’s happening now a lot – and this has happened in Texas and Florida and Utah, to name a few – snitch forms. Government snitch forms, and turn your neighbor in. If you’re in Texas, it was like, “If you see a family fleeing the state to protect their trans child, turn them in.” This is reminding me a lot of Umbridge’s personal favorite Inquisitorial Squad, right? You will curry government favor for essentially betraying your community, your people. And it’s disgusting, and it’s a shame that due to fear and the right intimidation and the right manipulation of news coverage, you can actually get people to do this.

Sunny: They did this in Germany in the 1930s. Just saying.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: Oh yeah, I was going to say, what decade would that have been in? Anything else happening that year?

Sunny: Oh, 100 years ago, yeah.

Eric: Yeah. Here’s another thing, or another connection to Harry Potter: It’s basically… I was thinking, what would happen if Muggle-borns were held up to the scrutiny that trans folks are being, right? So say that there was this edict, and the government was like, due to a pressure campaign, “Okay, Muggle-borns are no longer witches and wizards.” But you know somebody like Dumbledore would be still interested in teaching them, right? “All are welcome here” kind of thing would be the Hogwarts motto. The Ministry would then use all the tools at its disposal – like their Fox News, the Daily Prophet – to say, “Dumbledore is off. Dumbledore needs to go.” They would say horrible lies about him, and it would get the public to turn against Dumbledore for his political choice to protect the students. Oh, we’re seeing that with Harvard now and the state of Maine. These people are being incentivized to turn in their constituents and go against and restrict the rights of people, and the government and the news is attempting to discredit and slam what they’re doing. Pretty serious.

Laura: Sunny, I’m curious for your perspective there, as a professor. I mean, this has to be something that’s very much top of mind for you and your students right now.

Sunny: Yes, definitely. And I think education in general has this kind of… J.K. Rowling – I just wrote about this, too, because it made me so angry – she wrote, “Academics are speaking out against me, and they’re doing it thoughtlessly, and they’re all…” what’s the word… “brainwashed into being liberals,” right? So there’s this idea that education exists for you to come into my classroom, and I’m going to put all this information in your head and tell you, “Go forth with my liberal ideas,” which is not at all what education is. My goal as a teacher is to help you to think critically, you leave my classroom; I don’t tell you my views at all, really. I tell you, “These philosophers say this and that, and you can choose for yourself.” But the idea is that I hopefully send people out into society so that they don’t come across these kinds of ideas and just take them into their heads and go. I want people to spend some time with ideas they encounter in the world, and then I think we’d have a lot less of the kind of reactivity that Micah was talking about earlier, where people can’t have a conversation because they’re just immediately emotional about it. The amygdala is on fire, right? So the amygdala will not let you reason if your emotions are so heated. So we’ve kind of cut off reasoning at the start of any conversation. So yes, as an educator, I’m trying to combat this, that if you go out into the world and maybe you have spent a lot of time – Nietzsche calls this “Wiederkalens,” so it’s like chewing over and over again, ruminating on ideas – that you know how to do that, and then maybe you do decide you hold some conservative ideas, but you have really good reasoning, you can cite your sources, and then you can have a reasonable, civil conversation about it with someone who disagrees with you.

Laura: Right.

Sunny: So I think education is the core. I don’t think that education is perfect, [laughs] especially at the university level. But the reason I’ve started this Substack, the reason I really wanted to come and talk with y’all, is that education is not just “You come to my classroom and pay me.” I want you to have what I know for free so that you know it too, and I think that that’s the future of education, to the kind of individual learning. And then, Laura, as you said earlier, everybody thinks they’re – I’m going to use a very technical term – the arbiter of truth. J.K. Rowling thinks she’s the judge and jury as this one person, right? And we see that a lot; one person is like, “This is my opinion, and it’s right. I don’t know why because I can’t explain it, because I haven’t ruminated, but here it is, and I’m going to stick with it, and I’m emotional about it and I’ll fight you.” And that’s fairly new, I would say. It started kind of at the renaissance that people started saying, “Well, I’m an isolated individual separated from society, and I have these opinions and they’re tantamount, and I don’t have to reconsider them at any point,” and that’s the kind of thing that I hope education can start to chip away at.

Laura: Yeah. Well, thank you for everything you do, because it has to be a challenge right now.

Sunny: It is, but it’s so worth it. I love it. It’s a calling.

Eric: We have two more connections to Harry Potter. This one I thought of: In Deathly Hallows, we have Mary Cattermole, who has to defend her blood status in front of Umbridge. She’s accused of stealing another wizard’s wand, because Umbridge says she’s not a real woman – uh, wizard – except in today’s world, it would be even worse than the scene we see in the Ministry, which the trio quickly acts to rid her and others of. I mean, with the Ministry “Magic Is Might” chapter, the whole environment that we see at the Ministry in Book 7 is meant to intimidate. It’s the Muggle-Born Registration Commission. Muggle-borns – who, by the way, are full witches and wizards, can do magic just as well as everyone else – are targeted, and they’re also preemptively taking themselves out of public life, going on the run or living in fear. That is exactly the situation for trans people here.

Micah: And I’ll bring us home.

Eric: Yeah, bring us home, Micah.

Micah: With Remus Lupin, if he and other werewolves were being punished for their identities and treated as less than. There are no advocacy groups we hear of, and the population is so scattered and dwindled, likely because of the lack of support services. This has very reminiscent themes of all the people lost in the AIDS epidemic while the government turned a blind eye.

Laura: Yeah, definitely.

Eric: So we have a very fun section talking about ethics with the ethics professor Sunny in just a moment, but before we do that, I have one final plea on the J.K. Rowling trans issue. And that’s that it’s real, and trans people are not lying, they’re not making it up, and they are not predators. I remember being seven years old and laying in bed at night praying to God to let me wake up the next day as a girl, and this was 30 years ago; it was several years before I ever knew what sex was. And every step that I’ve taken toward my transition that I’m doing in the last 18 months has made me feel more at home in my body and closer to my true self. So my appeal is: J.K. Rowling is wrong about trans women. She’s dead wrong about trans people. She’s wrong about the science. She’s causing so much more harm for cis women in victimizing trans people, and she doesn’t care. And she’s praising Trump. She’s hellbent on making sure trans women suffer as much as possible in their lives for things they can’t control, like how they were born. She’s not benevolent, and she’s not a hero. So you may not have an opinion on transgender people, you the listener, and you might wish the news would stop mentioning them. Me too. You might be swayed by some arguments – which, we’ve talked about sort of why that is – and it makes sense, and you might worry that a culture of outright acceptance might lead to some people making a mistake, but all I have to say about that is trust that people know themselves, and trust that a community that genuinely cares, not fake show cares, will have the kinds of well-educated and peer-reviewed responses with the right recommendations, which is how things were before all of this rhetoric got cooked up. That’s my plea, to just… it’s pretty rough out there, but trans people are real, and they’re not making it up, and they’re not mentally ill.

Sunny: Just to complement that beautiful statement, trans people generally – and this is a generalization – but tend to kind of… they refuse to subscribe to patriarchal ideas that are the things that make men dangerous in J.K. Rowling’s mind. She as a survivor is afraid of the phallus; I’ll use that term. I wrote a lot on this, so if you want to know more, you can look it up. But trans people generally also disagree with that way of violent living, and so the fear of them is really misplaced, and I think that’s incredibly important to know.

Eric: Well, thanks.

Andrew: Something that J.K. Rowling is always been talking about is, “Oh, men are going to be entering women’s bathrooms if they identify as a trans woman or it’s easy to transition,” which is something that’s been able to happen since the beginning of time. Now, she doesn’t really understand this, because she’s a billionaire and she lives in a castle and she doesn’t interact with other people in public spaces, but for the rest of us…

Micah: She has her own bathroom. That’s what you’re saying.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Yes. Well, no, but my point is…

Micah: She has many of her own bathrooms.

Andrew: She doesn’t go to a bar or restaurant and notice that there’s no locks on the doors because she’s in a private part of every bar and restaurant, if she’s going out at all. So for the rest of us, we know that if men want to enter a women’s bathroom to be a predator, they are going to. It doesn’t matter if they’re identifying as a woman or not, they’re going to. So that’s one of the biggest reasons for me that I have found her arguments to be so stupid, because she talks about that one a lot.

Eric: And how many trans people do you know…? I assume we all have friends who are trans or NB. They’re just chill, and you know what? It’s because they are able in some way, in this harsh, harsh world, to carve out a little space in their own bodies that is their own and that they feel home in. Just so… I’m thinking of all the chill NB’s I met at a wedding this past weekend. I was just like, “Man.” People who are allowed to be themselves are the people that are going to build, and not destroy, and create the accepting utopia that I think many of us want. People who are unafraid to question the old, and who can really just listen to their hearts themselves, to build it together in a community.

Andrew: It’s just about living as your authentic self. Eric wants to live as their authentic selves, as do all LGBTQ+ people.

Eric: Yeah. So let’s have fun talking about ethics. We’ve got the ethics professor on. I want to talk, because this is another component here. We have the TV show coming, and it’s a thing. So we said five years ago… we made some changes to the podcast; we started advertising and talking about gifts that were not official merchandise. Because here’s the thing: With the establishment of J.K. Rowling’s women’s defense fund, it is now more clear than ever that money going toward Rowling is going to harm, legally, the positions of trans people. So I wanted to bring Sunny on and ask her, what do these old, dead white men say about the ethics, and particularly around putting your money in different causes? Because I’m sure Socrates said something about this 3,000 years ago.

Sunny: Something close. And I have one dead white woman.

Eric: Oooh!

Laura: Oh, there you go.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: You’ve outdone yourself! I wasn’t expecting that!

Sunny: That’s right, so all dead, so… [laughs] That will be an important argument later; I’ll come to that.

Eric: Okay.

Sunny: So we’ll start with Socrates. Make it easy. Socrates – I’ll quote from Gorgias, one of the many platonic dialogues – he says that it is better to have harm done to you than be the person who is inflicting harm, and the reason he says it is that he thinks that any self-aware person is not going to be able to live with themselves if they do harm. And so if you’re not doing harm, you can be harmonized with your conscience, and you can sleep at night and feel good about yourself. And so here’s my dead white woman, Hannah Arendt. She was a German who did a lot of work on post-Holocaust trials and things like that, and she noticed that most people are not self-aware, right? They’re not. Though we all think, right? She thinks there’s this deeper level of thinking – and is very Nietzschean, that rumination – that allows us to be good people and allows us to harmonize with our conscience, as Socrates would say. So she thinks that it’s rare that there are evil people, but there are so many evil deeds, and she thinks evil deeds come from people who don’t know how to think, who have the inability to think, she says. Deep think. And if we develop that ability and we practice it, then we’re going to be better people who think about our values and our ethics and try to live by them. We think about the needs and conditions of other people and try to do good by them. Kant would say we don’t use people as means to our ends; we make sure that we know that people are ends in themselves and that they deserve to be treated with that kind of dignity. So that was basically my ethics class in a couple of sentences there.

Eric: Thanks for the free lesson!

[Andrew laughs]

Sunny: Yeah, free lesson! I’ll put them on YouTube someday. I do want to give free lessons. It should all be free, because it’s so important. And I think that in considering J.K. Rowling, supporting her is generally quite… not always; certainly not amongst this group, right, and our listeners. And it’s not thoughtless, right? If we are thinking deeply about it, we’re going to still come to our own conclusions, hopefully. As I said, I don’t want to tell you what to do. I want to tell you what to… not what to think, how to think. There you go. I want to teach you how to think, so that now that you’ve gotten all this amazing information from this podcast about what’s happening with her money, where it’s going, you can start to think deeply about your own values, and does her use of this money agree with your values, or does it not? What does it mean for you as a Harry Potter fan? How will your support look in the future? Will it change? Will it not change? And it’s just important to ask those questions of ourselves, I think.

Eric: What does Henry David Thoreau say about this?

Sunny: Oh, yes, Thoreau is perfect for this. He wrote this piece called “Civil Disobedience,” and he’s basically saying in it, “I’m really annoyed about how the government is spending my tax money, and I think it’s unjust.” He’s like, “The Mexican War is going on, and slaves have just been freed,” and so they’re not being treated well, right? There’s lynchings; all these things are happening, and the government is involved. And so Thoreau is like, “I don’t think that I should be forced to pay taxes that fund injustice, and so I’m not going to do it, and you shouldn’t either.” And so he spends one night in jail because he’s a wealthy, educated, white guy…

Eric: Still white.

Sunny: Yeah, still white, still male, so there’s not really a consequence. But he’s sitting there in the jail, and he’s like, “Actually, jail is only for just people, because the laws are so unjust that if you break them, you must be just.” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. says this at some point, too, in his “Letter from Birmingham Jail,” that breaking unjust laws is just. So yeah, the idea that J.K. Rowling’s money is going towards fighting against just laws and fighting for unjust laws, it helps us to think more deeply about where our money’s going. I love that line from Hamilton; “Follow the money and see where it goes.” And like Micah said, you can’t always, right? But here with Rowling, it’s impossible to deny now. We have all this information about where the money’s going, so the onus is on us to decide our dollar is all we have now. Votes are murky, our voices are murky, but we have our dollar, and we are in a capitalistic world where our dollar matters.

Eric: And I think, too, for me, this will absolutely come down to what areas particularly. The Harry Potter store is open in Chicago. I’ve not gone; I’m not going to go. But we on MuggleCast will certainly be talking about the TV show. That is our plan; that is what we want to do. And as these different properties – Hogwarts Legacy, the video game – those people that worked in the game had already been paid. I was able to purchase the game a week later, used, and still caught up where everyone else was talking about that game. But yeah, there were ways in which I could morally… that my values could align with my dollar, and that felt good to do. And does it suck? Yes, it really sucks to have to think about this. It sucks to have to do another episode about J.K. Rowling, but it does need to happen, because our other values are inclusivity, creating a safe space on the show for people, and this is what we said we were going to do. We’re going to be the voice from within the fandom that talks about and can criticize her views, while at the same time being loving and supporting and uplifting of the stories that we grew up on that have messages of tolerance, inclusivity, and support.

Sunny: Ethics are hard. I think that… I always say that, right, as I’m going into an ethics class, right? “This is going to be uncomfortable, and you’re not used to this kind of thinking and questioning everything around you.” But I think it’s one of our greatest privileges as humans, because like Aristotle says, we are the animal with reason, right? So we’re the one animal that gets to have this kind of deep thinking and then mold our will to it, and it’s something no one can take from you, your ethics.

Laura: We do want to be that inclusive presence, and this fandom has always been an inclusive space, particularly for LGBTQIA people, and we want it to stay that way. That’s important. And it’s also important to remember that the fans made the fandom, and no one can ever take that away from us.

Eric: Yeah, wizard rock was not a corporate thing! Sunny can attest.

Sunny: I think I made one dollar.

Eric: [laughs] You made a whole dollar?

Sunny: If that!

Laura: So yeah, we don’t want to let it be taken away. And we want to be that voice, and we want to be here, but that’s not to say that it hasn’t come with questions and doubts about what does it mean to be doing a Harry Potter podcast? I know even back in 2020, when this was really first heating up, I remember having my own internal reckoning of, “Oh my gosh, what does this mean for me to be a Harry Potter podcaster?” And I think ultimately, each of us has to find that meaning within ourselves; no one else can give it to us. But what it means to me is this: It’s friendship, it’s people that we’ve known for decades at this point, and loving and uplifting each other every chance we can get.

Eric: Well said.

Sunny: I think it’s really important what you’re doing with this podcast, and that is keeping the thing alive that we all fell in love with in the first place, while responsibly doing it, right? It’s the best thing you can do.

Eric: And I’m sensing that the episode is concluding, which is always a lovely time to look forward to the future and time to thank so very much Sunny for coming on and being our guest this week, our expert on this show. And again, your Substack; Sunny Anne Williams is the username. You’ve written three articles specifically about this topic, which is cool because that’s what helped us plan this discussion on our whims. And I’ve really enjoyed talking to you the last month and a half or so since we reconnected, and thank you so much for coming on.

Sunny: Yeah, me too. It’s been a pleasure.

Andrew: And sorry that you’re here under these circumstances, but if you ever want to come on again to talk about just a chapter, you’d be more than welcome to.

Eric: If there’s a chapter you like. [laughs]

Andrew: But no pressure. We need you on for a Draco chapter.

Eric: Yeah, which chapter of the remaining books is Draco Malfoy the most a sweetheart in? When he chooses not to turn in Harry? That’s kind of sweet.

Sunny: That’s a good one. That’s one that I always think of, yes. That was sweet, right? Maybe sweetheart’s not the right word.

[Andrew and Sunny laugh]

Eric: It was sweet adjacent? I think it’s his whole family situation, yeah. The potential is there.

Sunny: Yeah, the crying in the bathroom scene before the big bloody fight.

Eric: What’s a boy doing in the girl’s bathroom, though?

[Andrew laughs]

Sunny: Better than a snake.

Eric: Better than a snake, yeah. No girl dies.

Sunny: Or are they the same thing?

Laura: Yeah, I was going to say the snake was clearly a boy.

Sunny: Clearly a phallus, yep.

[Laura and Sunny laugh]

Sunny: Literary metaphor.

Laura: The last thing I’ll say is just it’s funny because Quidditch is a mixed gender sport.

Andrew: Interesting.

Eric: Huh.

Laura: Yeah, it’s funny.

Sunny: Good point to make.

Laura: They beat the crap out of each other regardless of gender identity.

Sunny: There’s an article.

Eric: Sunny’s got her new article.

Laura: Yeah, get that up on Substack. [laughs]

Sunny: “J.K. Rowling fights with herself.”

Eric: Get it up! “Coeducational sports’ biggest fan turns her back.”

Sunny: That’s right. The truth behind Quidditch.

Eric: So we do do, occasionally, Muggle Mail episodes, and if you have feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo recorded to your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. Next week we are returning to our Order of the Phoenix Chapter by Chapter – at least that’s the plan – Order of the Phoenix Chapter 28, “Snape’s Worst Memory,” where we get to meet a big bully.

Andrew: Sunny, thanks again. It was great having you on, and thanks for all your expertise today.

Sunny: Thank you all. It’s been wonderful.

Andrew: Glad you had a good time, and thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Sunny: And I’m Sunny!

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: You sure are. Bye, everyone.

Laura: Bye, y’all.

Transcript #706

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #706, Pink Kitten Club (OOTP Chapter 27, The Centaur and the Sneak)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: We are your Harry Potter friends talking about the books, the movies, and the upcoming TV show, so make sure you follow us in your favorite podcast app; that way you’ll never miss an episode. And this week, we are getting out the face wash – but it probably won’t help against Hermione’s wrath – because we’re discussing Chapter 27 of Order of the Phoenix, “The Centaur and the SNEAK,” all caps. But first, a couple of announcements. Little programming note: We will be off next week for the Memorial Day holiday here in the US, so we hope all you Americans enjoy the unofficial start to summer as that gets underway. And in the meantime, if you love this show and want to help us keep this show running smoother than a meeting between Albus and Cornelius, visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledge today. You’ll get instant access to two bonus MuggleCast episodes every month; you’ll also get ad-free episodes, a new physical gift every year, and a lot more. In the latest bonus MuggleCast, I put together something special for our audience. It is finally here. As Pride Month approaches, I am pleased to release the “Never Sever Us” audiobook.

Laura: Oooh.

Andrew: This is my Cursed Child fanfiction that follows Albus and Scorpius, because even though it was clear they were in love with each other during the play, the play decided to go a different way with their story. I was not happy with it, so I wrote my own fanfiction fixing it all. It is extremely graphic! Adults only, please. Again, this is available on Patreon, but this is also available as a one-time purchase on our Patreon for $8. MuggleCast will donate 50% of proceeds from the sale of this book to the Trevor Project, which is a suicide prevention hotline for LGBTQ youth, and your purchase will also include a PDF version of the manuscript. “Never Severus Us,” currently available nowhere else. This is the place to get it, so enjoy, everybody.

Eric: Who narrates the audiobook?

Andrew: Yours truly.

Eric: Oh.

Andrew: Yeah, and we have another bonus MuggleCast coming up later this month, right, Micah?

Micah: That’s right, Andrew. We did some hot takes from the Harry Potter series, some of which relate directly to Order of the Phoenix. Laura, honestly, I couldn’t help but think of you as I was going through all the Reddits and subreddits that I could find for Harry Potter hot takes, because it reminded me so much of Harry Potter fanfiction, and I am blown away by some hot takes that are out there.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: Very much like, I would say, Andrew’s warning. Maybe not as graphic for this bonus MuggleCast, but there are definitely some adult topics that we’re going to get into talking about, so…

Laura: Definitely.

Andrew: For example, the Shrieking Shack was Moony and Padfoot’s shag pad. Ooh, that’s fun. Other great ways to support us: You can pick up merch at MuggleCastMerch.com. You can leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, and you can tell a friend about our show. Meanwhile, over in our overstock store, we also have MuggleCast “19 Years Later” T-shirts available for purchase. These are only available while supplies last, so visit MuggleMillennial.etsy.com to grab yours. And finally, visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all this information and lots more, like our contact form and the Quizzitch form.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: Now it’s time for Chapter by Chapter. Order of the Phoenix Chapter 27, “The Centaur and the Sneak.”

Eric: We had a lot of fun naming the last episode to discuss this chapter. It was MuggleCast 464, called “Dumbledore Gone Wild.”

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Ooo-hoo-hoo!”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: I think that’s pretty accurate. And it was released on May 5 of 2020; here’s a small clip from that.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 464.

Eric: Nobody was expecting the golden goose, Dumbledore himself, to come out and say, “I did this.”

Andrew: Right.

Eric: And so everyone is forgiving Harry’s transgressions because they’ve gotten a much bigger prize.

Andrew: Yep, exactly.

Laura: Dumbledore even says this; he’s like, “This is a bit like trying to find a Knut, but actually finding a Galleon.”

Eric: And we know from our recent Quizzitch that there are 29 Knuts to a Sickle, and 17 Sickles per Galleon. That’s like 493 Knuts.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Wow. Good for you, Eric.

Andrew: Fudge is rich.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Laura: Did we all have COVID in that episode five years ago?

Andrew: [laughs] Probably.

Laura: We all sound super stuffy and miserable, so I was like, “Were we all sick?” [laughs]

Eric: It’s a classic tactic of making the audio from past years worse, so that we sound better currently. I went and manipulated that old clip.

Laura: Oh, shoot.

Andrew: It was released May 5. I think we were hungover from Star Wars Day the day before. “May the Fourth be with you.”

Laura: Ah, yeah. Like you do.

Micah: Or we’d just been cooped up for two-three months.

Andrew: That too. Starting to lose our minds.

Laura: Yeah, we were like, “This can’t last much longer, can it?”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Oh, man.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Laura: Anyway, let’s get back into this chapter, and thought that we could pick it up by focusing the first part of our discussion around Firenze and his class; that really is the focal point of the first half of this chapter. So there is a lot of excitement coming off the last chapter with the announcement that Firenze is going to be the new Divination teacher, primarily, I think, on the parts of students like Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown, who are very taken by this very handsome centaur who’s going to be teaching them. As a reminder and a connecting the threads moment for us, Firenze is the centaur who saved Harry in the Forbidden Forest during Sorcerer’s Stone, a.k.a. Philosopher’s Stone, and much like five years ago, Mars is shining brightly in Firenze’s classroom turned planetarium.

Andrew: I really enjoyed that the “Mars is shining brightly” got referenced again.

Laura: Yep.

Andrew: I made that connection myself while reading because that’s one of those iconic lines from the first Harry Potter book.

Laura: “Mars is bright tonight.” And Hagrid is like, “Cool. How do we get out of here?”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: “Anyway…”

Laura: But Hermione is already starting out this chapter kind of shading Firenze. She’s being, I guess, too cool for school in this instance. While everyone else is impressed by him, she’s pretty dismissive, right, Micah?

Eric: I think Parvati and Lavender are trying to have one up on her, like, “Oh, Hermione, you were too cool for school last Divination teacher. What about now?” And she’s reacting kind of defensively.

Micah: She definitely is, and it’s a bit surprising that she isn’t more open-minded about what I would call a creature teacher.

Eric: [laughs] I love that.

Micah: But the comments she makes about Firenze are offensive, if we’re to be truthful here in this moment, and the fact that Hermione says that she doesn’t like horses is a bit out-of-character for her, I have to say. And not only that, she doubles down when Parvati calls out the fact that “He’s not a horse; he’s a centaur.” Her response is, “Well, he’s still got four legs.”

Laura: Yeah, come on, girl.

Micah: And I don’t know if it’s just – and we can talk more about this – the lack of interest that she has in a subject matter like Divination, the fact that maybe she doesn’t really like Parvati or Lavender all that much… but still for her, especially the fact that she is so adamant about something like SPEW, to reference Firenze in this way, who’s now a professor of the school, that just doesn’t seem in line with her character.

Eric: I would agree. I do think that… because this is the very opening paragraph of this chapter, and it shows the passage of time, to me, I read it with a little eye for just being one of those things where if you take it out, it’s controversial, but if you put it in, like, “Oh, and this was happening, and this was a conversation at lunch and then they went to this class,” it’s less impactful. It’s less scandalous, I think, when viewed in the context of “The chapter had to start somehow.” If it were at a pivotal moment in someone’s day, or there was, I don’t know, more of an intention behind that moment, I think it would have been a little bit even more damning for Hermione. Her comments aren’t great, but they do just start a chapter that has so much else going on.

Andrew: Yeah, I do think it is her prejudices about Divination. Trelawney has left a very bad taste in her mouth, and she doesn’t feel optimistic that a “horse” is going to be any better, so that’s what I think mainly is at play here.

Eric: The cool thing is during this chapter, we see how wrong Hermione is and how cool the class is. Everyone who attends, I think, is pretty much blown away, so I think also it’s maybe a writing trick to lower our expectations, so that when we get to that part of this chapter, we’re like, “Oh, wow, that was actually fabulous.”

Laura: Yeah, I think that this is also Hermione acting out of character because she’s being petty, and we see this from her at a few points in the series; we’re going to see it again in Half-Blood Prince when she’s trying to make Ron jealous over his relationship with Lavender. So Hermione, when she’s feeling socially threatened, I guess, and she’s being petty back to somebody, she’ll throw some low blows and some things that she wouldn’t normally say. It’s certainly not something that she would say to Firenze’s face – in fact, I don’t think she would behave towards a centaur with anything but respect – but what you say about people behind their backs also says something about you, and I think this is a lesson that Hermione is going to have to continue learning. I mean, she’s a good person; I don’t think this makes her a terrible human being, but it shows that she has biases, and she allows those biases to undermine her perceptions of how valuable the people are around her, right? So I just think this is one of those areas where Hermione has some room to mature.

Andrew: Every once in a while she throws us a curve ball. Just, “Wow, I would not expect that of Hermione.” We’ve discussed before, too, how she can be a bit of a baddie when she needs to be. I’m thinking right now of setting Snape on fire in Sorcerer’s Stone.

Eric: Oh!

Laura: True.

Andrew: It wasn’t him who was messing with Harry. [laughs] She just kind of… she, again, has these curve balls that you don’t expect from her, but it keeps me humble when it comes to my thoughts on Hermione. She’s not perfect.

Eric: Well, I know we’ll bring this up later, but the situation with Marietta shows Hermione’s harder edges as well.

Andrew: Yes, and in that case, I think it was a good idea, but we can get to that.

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Laura: Well, Eric, you called this out a couple of minutes ago here, but turns out Firenze’s class is actually really cool, and I would argue that he brings a new level of credibility to the discipline of Divination. As a matter of fact, he does so to the extent of saying, “Yeah, humans, y’all are subject to your limitations, and there’s only so good that humans are going to be at this.” And even when I think it’s Lavender tries to push back about something that Trelawney had taught them, and Firenze is like, “Yeah, Sybill Trelawney is also human, so she is also subject to the same limitations as the rest of you.” And it’s a little humbling, I think, for everybody to realize that there are aspects of this discipline that are much more cosmic and macro than people could ever conceive of, because people are just kind of inherently self-centered, and we like to think of ourselves at the center of the universe, but we’re really not. So this was cool.

Andrew: What?!

[Laura laughs]

Eric: It’s true.

Andrew: I think Hermione should have attended this class. Maybe she would have had a very different feeling about Firenze quickly had she did because of what Firenze says here, and my takeaway from Firenze’s message to the class is he’s preaching, and he’s about quality over quantity. Firenze says that he doesn’t know if Trelawney is a true Seer or not, but centaurs, he says, can take up to a decade to read the stars and figure out what’s going on in the universe. They’re not about rushing to judgment, whereas it seems like anytime any sort of “prediction” pops into Trelawney’s mind, she has to blurt it out immediately. “Oh, Harry, you’re going to die, by the way, really soon.” Cool, thanks. That’s great to hear as a child.

Eric: Right, and it’s also about, I think, the content of what the predictions are being made too. Firenze is very much adamant that the types of things you divine from things like stargazing are the big moments, not whether you’re going to have a nice afternoon, and so I think there’s that aspect and the much removed aspect of not centering it around humans at all. I just really love this lesson; I think it’s pretty fantastic. It seems like Firenze came into this with a degree of emotional awareness, aware that the students have probably, many of them, never seen a centaur before. They’re going to make some comments that would be offensive. Dean, I think, puts his entire foot in his own mouth in this chapter, and quickly is like, “Ooh, sorry, I didn’t mean to…” But again, just really, this comes from having a rich world where humans are not the only sentient race, so the idea that these other magical creatures also practice Divination, and it makes sense that it would be a different form of Divination, makes this, again, a really interesting subject.

Laura: Yeah. And I wanted to ask y’all what we make of Firenze’s vibe in this lesson, because we’re simultaneously in a lesson where we’re learning about the high stakes of this discipline and Firenze foretelling that there is a war just around the corner and talking about the dire circumstances that’ll play out, but then at the end of the lesson, he’s like, “But don’t worry about it if you don’t see any shapes or signs in the smoke in the fires I’m having you burn, because humans aren’t that good at this anyway. You can’t control the arc of the universe, so don’t worry about it.” It just feels very inconsistent to me, because on the one hand, there’s incredibly high stakes with predicting a war, but on the other, saying, “Well, there’s nothing you can do about it anyway, so it’s fine.”

Micah: Do you think it’s hard conceptually for the students to understand the way in which Firenze is teaching? I’m not sure they’ve been in a class like this before, where even the teacher is saying, “Look, what I’m putting out there may not be 100% true, and I’m cool with it.”

Andrew: Yeah, it’s so refreshing. Well, and compare that to Trelawney being like, “Read these tea leaves and tell us what they mean.”

Eric: Right.

Andrew: Or “Write some… log your dreams in your dream diary and decode them,” like there’s something actually within the dreams that you’re supposed to take a message from. It’s very refreshing how Firenze is teaching compared to Trelawney.

Eric: Did you guys peek at the reference to mallowsweet leaves, which is a big Hogwarts Legacy herb?

Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: Ohh.

Eric: It’s what you drop on the Merlin trials. I am quite sure that I didn’t really know what that was the last time we went through this chapter, so very exciting there.

Laura: Yeah, it’s great to know what herb you’re going to have to drop on 300 different Merlin trials to do the same five puzzles over and over again.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: One of the other things that I find to be interesting to look at is Trelawney’s classroom versus Firenze’s classroom. So often we’re told about how Trelawney’s classroom is this really stuffy, perfume-infested…

Andrew: Hot.

Micah: … hot, yeah, you’re right. It’s suffocating in a way. So is that the right learning environment for students, versus this beautiful replica of the Forbidden Forest where students are just very relaxed and they can stretch their legs and lean up against rocks and trees and they have the stars above them? It’s something to be said for creating an environment where students can more readily learn.

Andrew: Yeah, I don’t think Trelawney’s classroom, as we just described it, would be a good environment to clear your head within.

Micah: No.

Andrew: [laughs] That is not a good space to practice Divination. That said, I can’t… I want to give Firenze credit for the design of this classroom, but it was Dumbledore who set this up for him, right? To recreate the experience of being in the forest, so Firenze felt like he was more in his natural habitat. So I love the classroom, but I can’t give Firenze credit for it.

Eric: I’m not 100% sure, because Firenze does this thing with his arm where he lowers it and the lights go down, and he’s definitely got some form of magic.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, they probably worked on it together. Ultimately, Firenze can’t teach them in the forest, not even on the edge of the forest the way Hagrid does, because he’s been banned, right?

Eric: That’s a whole thing.

Micah: You bad, bad centaur.

Laura: He’s been expelled from the herd. He literally has a hoof-shaped bruise on his chest.

Micah: Got rough last night.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: He’s open about it, though, which is the really interesting thing. Whereas Hagrid, who’s getting injury after injury and keeps it all secret, Firenze is 100% clear with, I think, all the students, why and how the circumstances were around this very obvious bruise on his chest, and it has to do with his culture. And I don’t know, I really come away from this chapter going Firenze is probably one of my favorite characters. He’s right up there with Sirius Black, y’all, because he’s just cool. He’s just neat.

Laura: Yeah, I agree. And to that point, Micah, you called out here that Firenze is pretty progressive for a centaur.

Micah: Yeah, he is, and I think we get that from some of the story he gives us, and the fact that he has been banished. He references how in the past he’s been chastised for certain things, like letting Harry ride on his back, back in Sorcerer’s Stone, almost like he’s – not to borrow a term from Hermione – but a “common mule,” right? And the other centaurs do not look favorably upon that. And the other thing that gets brought up is the fact that he agreed to teach here at Hogwarts; he agreed to come and work for Dumbledore, so it is interesting to see that there are things like customs and power dynamics that exist amongst the centaurs, just like they do amongst the wizards.

Laura: Yeah, I also find it interesting to debate what does Firenze actually believe? Because he espouses a lot of the same rhetoric we hear from the centaurs about how in the cosmic sense, none of your tiny day-to-day human affairs or lives really matter that much, so there’s no point in interfering. But Firenze interferes all the time; he interferes in Book 1 when he rescues Harry, and he interferes here by basically filling this position so that Umbridge can’t put another Ministry loyalist in at Hogwarts.

Eric: Oh, right.

Laura: So I’m like, “Is that really what you think, Firenze?” [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, bold moves for a pacifist.

Laura: Right, right.

Micah: Well, and we know that there is a confrontation coming at the end of this book between Umbridge and the centaurs, and so I wonder is this a little bit of a hint for us as readers that that’s coming down the line?

[Ad break]

Laura: All right, and we’re back, back with Firenze, the world’s most stunning Divination teacher in his planetarium classroom.

Andrew: Oooh.

Laura: I know, it sounds so sexy when you put it that way, right?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: But Firenze also makes it no secret to anyone in the classroom that he and Harry already know each other, and he uses…

Micah: Hey, Laura.

Laura: Yeah.

Micah: You might say that they’re fir-iends.

Andrew: Oh, there’s the dad joke for the episode.

Laura: There it is.

Eric: Ohhh. Oh, man.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: You know what? I was wondering when it was coming. I knew it was coming; I was like, “It has to be during the Divination lesson. It’s going to have to do with Firenze.” I’ll give that one a seven out of ten. That was pretty good.

Micah: Thank you.

Laura: Yeah, that was pretty good. But Firenze also uses this opportunity to speak a little more at length about the coming war and the fact that we’re actually not really in a period of peace; we’re just in a period of calm between two wars, so have fun, children. But what I loved about this – and it feels like a little more malicious compliance from Dumbledore – is that Firenze is well within his rights to talk about the coming war because this directly has to do with the discipline that he’s teaching, so he’s in adherence with Educational Decree whatever the hell it was that said teachers couldn’t talk to students about anything that they weren’t experts in.

Eric: Yeah, I wonder why Umbridge isn’t supervising the first lesson held by the new teacher. That’s kind of her job now, isn’t it?

Laura: Yeah. Ooh, ooh, alternate headcanon: Because we see that the students are initially heading towards the staircase because they’re trying to go up the tower, what if Umbridge did the same thing, and no one thought to tell her, “Do you really think a centaur is going to be able to get all the way up there?”

Andrew: Right. “Where are they? Hem-hem!”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Also, a regular horse might not be able to climb a ladder, but I think a centaur could figure it out.

Andrew: I think he could, too. Just use his upper arms to climb that ladder.

Laura: That’s a lot.

Andrew: I don’t know.

Laura: But he’d have to get all the way up to that tower first. He’d have to climb all those stairs.

Eric: Again, I think he could do it.

Micah: MuggleCast in no way endorses animal cruelty.

Andrew: Well, who the hell wants to go in that classroom anyway? Least of all Firenze. It’s stuffy and hot. It smells like Trelawney and all her bad perfume.

Eric: No, given the alternative, I would absolutely take the forest classroom.

Laura: Yeah, for sure.

Eric: And it’s even an improvement for the classroom. Usually the classroom is not this cool either. It’s disused; nobody uses it. It was perfect, and Dumbledore’s plotting here – and Firenze’s acknowledgement, or his helping out by preventing the Ministry from interfering further at Hogwarts – is definitely a solid. I kind of wonder how Firenze is supposedly grading all of this, because Divination, his type of Divination especially, doesn’t seem very precise or measurable, but that’s probably the last concern. I mean, Dumbledore doesn’t care how the teachers grade.

Laura: No. [laughs]

Eric: And Firenze is cool enough to just kind of impart what wisdom he may have.

Laura: Well, I think he’s also doing Harry a solid here, because this timing, the timing of Firenze coming in, being very impressive, clearly über qualified to be teaching this subject, and saying, “Yeah, kids, there’s a war coming,” right on the heels of Harry’s Quibbler interview? Whew, chef’s kiss. Could not have asked for better timing. I think Firenze is helping to seal the deal with a lot of Harry’s peers here.

Eric: I definitely think he’s making people more… whether they realize it or not, softening the blow about a future war when it devolves, as like, “You heard it here first.” I think there’s that element to it. And yeah, can we talk about how Firenze shakes Harry’s hand, and it’s really friggin’ cool that Harry knows a centaur?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: They’re on speaking terms with him, and he asks him to stay back after class. And that’s totally unrelated to boosting Harry, but it nevertheless has the effect of boosting Harry’s cool factor. It’s the first of two times in this chapter where another creature – totally non-human, one of Harry’s close confidants and friends – comes right up to him in front of all these people and has important things to say to him. It really shows how worldly Harry is. It shows that while the Daily Prophet was busy maligning Harry for who knows what and all this random stuff, he actually is a pretty cool guy who has a lot of connections throughout the larger world.

Andrew: Yeah, I was going to say I think this helps give Harry some much-needed standing right now amongst his peers. It helps him look like a more trustworthy figure, even though they’re all just kind of being introduced to centaurs. And I think it says a lot for how Harry is handling this too; he’s not being braggadocious about this encounter right now.

Eric: “You guys, look!”

Andrew: Yeah, right, exactly. Like Draco might have if he was friends with Firenze or anyone else kind of cool.

Eric and Micah: Yeah.

Eric: “Professor, Professor, can we get a selfie? Father would love this” kind of a thing.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Oh, God.

Micah: It’s also important to keep in mind – Eric, you made me think about what’s coming later on in this book, and what Harry has already seen – and that’s the Fountain of Magical Brethren, and I think that there’s some through-lines here to the points that you raised with the fact that he is on good terms with Firenze. Dobby shows up later on in this chapter, and the centaur and the house-elf are part of that statue that do come to his rescue a little bit later on.

Laura: I love that. That’s a great call-out.

Eric: It is really cool. Too bad we don’t get a friendship or an understanding with Griphook for two more books.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Nah, they’re goblins.

Eric: Okay!

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: Hey, if Hermione can do it, so can I.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yeah, wow. Yeah.

Laura: Wow.

Micah: Just kidding.

Laura: Well, Firenze… not every secret that he knows is something that can be found in the stars. He also knows what’s up with Hagrid, because he gives Harry a pretty cryptic message to pass on to him, literally just saying, “He would do better to abandon it. His attempt is not working.” Whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean to Harry, we can’t know at this point, obviously, but Harry soon after tries to bring this to Hagrid, and Hagrid very quickly brushes him off and says, “Some things are more important than a job,” when Harry is expressing his concern that, “Hey, Trelawney just got sacked, and you’re basically next on the chopping block. Can you please be careful?” And Hagrid is like, “No, this is more important.” I mean, it’s his brother. I get it.

Eric: It’s wild, though, how distracted Hagrid is this year. Remember when Hermione was trying to help do him lesson plans so that he wouldn’t get sanctioned, and then he ends up getting sanctioned, but he didn’t care because he’s so distracted by Grawp now? Even the warnings that are coming from other creatures telling Hagrid to desist are being completely ignored.

Micah: He’s not good at his job anyway, so that might be part of the reason why he doesn’t care.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Oooh.

Eric: Yeah! Maybe that makes him not good at his job, and also not being… yeah.

Micah: But I will say that there may not be a line that I relate to more in the Harry Potter series at this point in time than “Some things are more important than a job.”

Laura: Yep.

Micah: Hagrid just throwing out some real world advice there for anybody who’s reading along with us.

Laura: That’s some real talk.

Andrew: And poor Harry, who has yet another mystery on his hands. This guy can never escape some questions haunting him. [laughs] “What is this about now?”

Micah: Well, and another task. He’s got to go tell Hagrid.

Andrew: Yeah, right. [laughs]

Micah: And that could get him in trouble because he doesn’t want to be seen by Umbridge.

Andrew: Yeah. Can’t he figure out another way to get the message to Hagrid, Firenze?

Eric: I like that. That’s pretty funny.

Laura: Well, unfortunately for Harry, this is not the only thing he’s going to be trying to do to fly under the radar this chapter, but this next thing is an area where he’s unsuccessful. So the DA is meeting, and I would say again upping Harry’s cool factor, he is finally introducing Dumbledore’s Army to Patronuses, so they’re learning how to cast those now. And so far, only Hermione and Cho are able to produce full Patronuses, which I think is an important reminder to call out that Cho is also really gifted academically, and this is a likely sign that she excels in her courses. We don’t really get to see much of this side of Cho; most of what we get to see is her being a teenager, grieving some pretty significant trauma. But I think sometimes, because that’s so heavy, we tend to forget that there’s this other side to her character.

Micah: Well, of course she’s gifted, Laura. She’s a Ravenclaw.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I know; I just had to represent for my girl, you know?

Andrew: Yeah, of course…

Eric: I appreciate this, yeah.

Andrew: No, go ahead. I was just going to do a dumb joke.

Eric: What? Oh, please. Now I really want to hear it.

Andrew: I was just going to say of course she’s talented, because she caught Harry’s eye. See? Dumb.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Well, I was going to mention, too, her Quidditch playing, which, the reason that I… so it’s to a detriment of understanding and appreciating Cho’s character, given what she, by extension of Marietta, does in the next couple of chapters. The fact that Harry is banned from Quidditch means that we also won’t get to see Cho do some really cool things in a match. So that’s another area where she’s really good at something. She’s super cool; she’s their team’s Seeker. She and Harry have a lot in common. That never comes up, really.

Laura: Well, I thought that we could also talk about the Patronus forms that Hermione and Cho have; I think it speaks to both of their characters. So Hermione’s is an otter, and in Celtic and other folklore, the otter is often characterized as friendly and a helpful creature, and it’s often given the name “water dog,” alluding to these qualities. They are cheerful, curious, and mischievous by nature. Otters are also highly social pack animals, who never stray far from their family.

Andrew: Aww.

Laura: And Micah, you have a fun call-out here. It’s always a good one to observe.

Micah: I do, that otters are, in fact, part of the weasel family, so perhaps this was a little bit of a hat tip to the fact that Hermione would be joining the Weasleys in the not too distant future.

Andrew: When I read that note, I was like, “Is Micah trying to call Hermione a weasel?”

Micah: No.

Andrew: “Or is it a Weasley reference?” Well, I never know with you.

Eric: I’m pretty sure that this revelation exists in the first 20 episodes of MuggleCast.

Micah: It does. I remember bringing it up.

Eric: Yeah, the otter/weasel connections. It’s amazing.

Micah: And Jamie’s mind was blown. [laughs]

Eric: Yes, I think Ben blows Jamie’s mind. He’s like, “Is there a connection?”

Micah: No, no, I did.

Eric: It was you? Oh my God.

Micah: It was me, yeah, yeah.

Eric: Okay.

Micah: Don’t give Ben credit for my…

Eric: Sorry. Geez.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: And I even went back through that episode recently, damn.

Andrew: I would have loved to have a otter Patronus, because you think about how cute otters are, and that’s the thing taking down a Dementor? That sounds amazing.

Micah: It’s also probably worth mentioning that the author adores otters, so it’s not surprising that this Patronus was given to Hermione.

Andrew: Ah, okay.

Laura: Yeah, otters really are the cutest. I got to go to an otter encounter at the Atlanta aquarium last year, and I got to boop their little noses.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I got to touch their little nosies. They’re so cute.

Andrew: Did you actually say “boop” when you booped their nose?

Laura: Yeah, yeah, of course I did. How could you not?

Andrew: “Boop! Boop! You look like Hermione’s Patronus.”

Laura: They’re so cute.

Andrew: Laura goes to a lot of animal encounters. She went to a red panda encounter a couple of years ago.

Laura: Yep. I’m going to do a capybara encounter soon, actually.

Eric: Capybara! Take me with you!

Laura: Yeah, I will take so many pictures.

Andrew: Are you going to boop their nose?

Laura: If they’ll let me. I think my Patronus is a capybara now, if I’m being real with you.

Andrew: I want to boop!

Laura: I’ll boop your nose next time I see you, too, Andrew. Don’t worry. [laughs]

Andrew: Okay, sure. [laughs] It’ll happen three years from now, and I’ll be like, “Why the hell is Laura booping my nose?”

Laura: Yeah, you’ll be like, “Why are you touching me?”

Andrew: She’ll be like, “I didn’t forget.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: This show just got so adorable.

Laura: Well, getting back to these Patronuses, Cho’s Patronus is a swan, and swans are associated with love, fidelity, innocence, grace, and transformation. I thought transformation was a really key word here, right? Because you hear the old adage about going from being an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan, and I think in this regard, the transformation really refers to the emotional distress and the trauma that Cho has to navigate in order to get through that and be able to be a better version of herself on the other side of it. I don’t think we ever really get to see that, unfortunately.

Eric: No, I was going to say… I like that a lot; I was going to say she transforms from being a girlfriend material for Harry to absolutely not.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: Well, that’s true. That’s true. That’s one transformation that she makes, but I like to think that maybe there’s a longer implication here. But we’ll never know. [laughs]

Eric: We should have gotten more of Cho in Book 7 after the cards are all on the table and had a big moment with her.

Andrew: I think you could also say she was kind of forced to transform after losing Cedric so suddenly.

Eric: Right.

Andrew: Transform into a stronger version of who she already was, just because of going through something so traumatic.

Eric: So over on Spotify, we’re going to be creating the Cho Gets Swole playlist. Submit your Cho tracks.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: Well, unfortunately for the DA, Dobby shows up to give Harry some very unwelcome news, which is that Umbridge knows and she is on her way to bust them. And unfortunately for Dobby, we kind of get to see a repeat of the pattern we saw in Chamber of Secrets, where Harry had to watch Dobby beat the crap out of himself for giving Harry a warning.

Andrew: Yeah, and good thing he is able to get out the word “she,” like, “she’s coming.” Because otherwise, I don’t know if Harry would have figured it out as quick as he did, because Dobby is – like you’re saying, Laura – resisting giving details. Poor guy.

Micah: Why, though? Is it because he technically works for Hogwarts? Is it a bit of PTSD in terms of what he would normally do if he betrayed the Malfoys previously? Because he doesn’t work for Umbridge. I mean, he works for the school.

Eric: He works for the school.

Andrew: But I do sort of feel like it’s in a house-elf’s DNA to just not share another human’s secrets, whether or not they are owned by that person.

Eric: It’s interesting because we also had Firenze in this chapter choosing not to tell Harry Hagrid’s secret. Now Dobby, we know, is a good little informant, but it’s interesting that Dobby says that the house-elves were told not to warn. I want to know what…

Micah: So that’s probably an Umbridge directive, right?

Eric: Yeah, but what does that look like? Because house-elves shouldn’t even be on Umbridge’s radar, unless she used one to help with Marietta maybe? Because it’s implied later that Umbridge sat there trying to spell Marietta better, and maybe she’s like, “I need a house-elf for this.” But under what circumstances would Umbridge reach out specifically to the house-elves to specifically tell them “Don’t warn these people”? She could actually have just run up and got them at that time, busted them. So it’s very interesting.

Laura: Yeah. I mean, unless she knows about the connection Dobby has to Harry.

Andrew: Maybe.

Laura: Which she could.

Eric: If she told Dobby specifically not to rat it out, then Dobby is an extra GOAT for actually being able to still do that, because I do think that… because as a professor of Hogwarts, Umbridge has the authority to order the house-elves around; they have to obey her in the same way that they would have to obey someone else. Dobby is a free elf; he kind of just chooses to work for Hogwarts. Old habits die hard; maybe he still feels that to his soul, has to punish himself for divulging secrets of his master. So there’s that, but then he also kind of works for Harry, so when Harry says, “Don’t hurt yourself anymore,” he also has to abide by… it’s just weird. He thanks Harry graciously for commanding him in that way. It’s kind of an interesting test, I guess.

Andrew: Micah, you dived into the transcripts and you found proof that you had that otter/weasel connection?

Eric: Oh, come on.

Micah: I did; that’s the beauty of having the transcripts. And shout-out to Meg, although I believe, since this was Episode 20, it’s likely I was responsible for this transcript.

Eric: I bet.

Andrew: Oh, so we don’t know if this is entirely accurate. Maybe you rewrote history.

Eric: Ohh.

Micah: Well, you could go back and listen to the audio.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: If you want to pull that for this upcoming episode, I think that would be fantastic.

Eric: Yeah, this is the one I remember. [imitating Jamie] “Is there? Oh my God!” Yeah, amazing.

Micah: So it… there were a lot of “Oh my God”s thrown around after I made this revelation that the weasel and the otter are related.

Andrew: Ben said, “Oh my God. Micah has discovered the key to the Harry Potter shipping series. Do you guys see that?”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: That’s why I remember Ben being there, is because he said, yeah, that.

Andrew: That is a significant comment, because we didn’t know at the time that Ron and Hermione were eventually going to get married, so it truly was a key.

Laura: Eh, we knew. I think we…

Andrew: Did we?

Laura: Yeah, I think we knew.

Andrew: People hoped.

Eric: I had the same thought, Andrew. I had the same thought that it was particularly looking forward.

Andrew: [laughs] It was likely, but we didn’t know-know.

Eric: Well, we did have Book 6 where Hermione is very, very, very upset about Ron and Lavender.

Laura: I mean, also Book 4 with the Yule Ball.

Andrew: Yeah, but there’s that young love, and then it falls apart sometimes, Laura. Don’t I know it?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Like Cho and Harry. Two ships.

Micah: I mean, it might be worth pulling the clip just to hear Jamie alone, but…

Andrew: [imitating Jamie] “Oh my God, Micah, that’s absolutely awesome.”

Micah: There’s nothing better than a Jamie reaction like that.

Eric: No.

Micah: There really isn’t.

[Ad break]

Laura: All right, and we are back on the heels of Dobby warning Harry and company that Umbridge is in route, so the DA scatters. They don’t do it in the most efficient way; they all literally cram into the doorway to try and all get out at the same time, and it creates a bottleneck at the door, and it’s taking people a long time to get out. And ultimately, this results in Harry being one of the few, I believe, who actually gets apprehended, and he gets apprehended by none other than Draco Malfoy, who is delighted to hand Harry over to Umbridge. And I thought it was really interesting to compare this scene to the moment in Deathly Hallows at Malfoy Manor where Draco has another opportunity to hand Harry over, that time to Voldemort, and he’s a lot more hesitant about making that decision because the stakes are higher. In this, Draco gets to feel giddy because his schoolboy enemy might be getting expelled, but then in a couple years’ time, when the consequence is death, Draco realizes he’s in over his head.

Eric: He’s learned the value of human life, or at least Harry’s life. Maybe he’s in over his head so much, and he knows Harry is the only one that could really pull him out of it.

Andrew: Yeah. Well, and given what we know about… given how sensitive this organization is and how important it is to keep it under lock and key, it is surprising that they didn’t have some sort of emergency plan if this type of situation did arise. Sure, we have Hermione’s jinx to prevent anybody from spilling, but it was still possible Umbridge and company could find out. At the least, they should have done a sort of fire drill to prevent what you’re describing, Laura. I mean, this is exactly why we practice, and why you hear, “Single file line; no running. Everybody be calm.” They weren’t following any of those rules. It was “Let’s scram!” [laughs]

Micah: I will say the way they did it in the movie was actually really well thought out, right? They used the Marauder’s Map, and they were sending people out almost in waves, if I’m remembering correctly, so that… or at least… maybe that was another… that wasn’t that particular scene. They did it previously, right? When they were trying to leave the Room of Requirement. But I think to your point, Andrew, utilizing that type of a tactic would have gone a lot better for them if they were using something like the Marauder’s Map to see, “Okay, where is Umbridge? Where is Draco?” All these other folks who are after them, and then strategically… who’s to say the room wouldn’t have given them a back door?

Eric: An exit, yeah.

Micah: Or who’s to say the room would have let Umbridge in? So it feels like they weren’t prepared for this moment. They just go into panic mode.

Eric: They should have scouted the route a little bit more.

Laura: [laughs] Scout the route!

Andrew: Not that again.

Eric: I think adding the… no, I mean, they’re in the Room of Requirement. They could probably say, “We need two more exits.”

Micah: Exactly.

Eric: But this just shows that this was only ever maybe a temporary meeting place or temporary thing. They don’t know what they don’t know until it’s too late. Really, the only person who prepared for any of this is Hermione, and you’ve got to give her a little bit of credit.

Laura: Yeah, it is unfortunate that they don’t… I don’t think they fully understand how the room works at this point, because don’t we later discover that if they had just thought to the room, “We also do not want to be discovered; don’t let anyone in here,” the room probably still would have let Umbridge in, but she wouldn’t have been let into the same room?

Eric: Right, the next book Draco does that to keep Harry out.

Laura: Yeah, exactly. So it’s unfortunate that they don’t know this at this point, but I guess it’s also convenient for the plot.

Andrew: Yeah, I think they also just sort of got so excited by the concept of the Room of Requirement that they really didn’t bother to think much further. Like, “This is foolproof. This is cool as hell.”

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: “And Dumbledore used to pee in here? That’s weird. Anyway.”

[Laura laughs]

Micah: He still does.

Eric: Oh, man.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Well, speaking of Dumbledore, we’re going to his office next. Umbridge hauls Harry there, and Dumbledore, McGonagall, Fudge, Percy, Kingsley, and Dawlish are already waiting. I was wondering what the timeline of this was. How did they manage to assemble all of these people in Dumbledore’s office so quickly after the DA gets busted? Did Umbridge have enough notice of the meeting that she had time to get everyone together so that she could say, “Just wait 30 minutes and I’m going to bust them and bring the ringleader up here to the office”?

Andrew: Umbridge yelled, “Aurors, assemble! Hem-hem!”

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: And that’s how they got there so quick.

Eric: Well, she says that Marietta came to her slightly after dinner, so it really couldn’t have been that long ago. To have the Minister for Magic and two Aurors there, it’s absolutely perplexing that they’re all here in time for this.

Micah: Right. Does he not have anything more important to do with his time? He’s the Minister for Magic, but he’s dealing with these juvenile delinquents.

Andrew: Who are tied to Dumbledore. I think that’s a big driving factor for Fudge to be here right now. He gets to win against Dumbledore.

Eric: And unlike Dumbledore, who doesn’t wish to be monitored so he takes Thestrals when he’s leaving Hogwarts and stuff, Fudge could have just Flooed, especially because Miss Edgecombe is in charge of that network.

Micah: Oh, I’m sure that Umbridge has Fudge on speed dial.

Andrew: But Micah is just wondering why Fudge is bothering to go there to begin with, I guess. I think Fudge and Umbridge have the hots for each other, too…

Micah: Oooh.

Eric: Oh, maybe.

Andrew: … and they’re going to help each other out where they can. They’re going to be with each other when they can.

Eric: It’s probably a movie-ism where she has a picture of him on her desk.

Andrew: Oh, right! Yeah, that’s more evidence.

Eric: I think it’s also important to realize that they’re probably chomping at the bit for anything to discredit Harry specifically.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: Especially following the Quibbler article, they need any dirt they can get. And so I think we’ve seen Umbridge over the last couple of weeks really, really try and do anything to discredit or stop Harry, and so that’s why the Minister, too, is personally involved in this, because they think they’re going to be able to expel him.

Andrew: He wants to be able to vouch for what Umbridge is saying as well, firsthand. “I witnessed the downfall of Harry.”

Eric: And the fact that Percy is there to… they need as many legal witnesses so that… whatever they were planning on doing was horrible.

Micah: That’s such a great point. I didn’t really think about that, that this really has to do with the story that was in The Quibbler, and that’s why you do have so many powerful figures present, including Percy, which he instructs specifically to get an owl to the Daily Prophet for the morning edition once Dumbledore comes clean.

Eric: “Hey guys, we finally have something horrible to slam against Potter!” For the first time in months.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, I definitely think the point about how high stakes that interview was… I mean, Harry flat out named alleged Death Eaters. I mean, we know they’re not alleged, but to everyone else they are. But I think the other thing is, too, Fudge is not doing a good job of keeping his side of the street clean. I mean, they just had a mass breakout at Azkaban, the Dementors have clearly chosen a side in the war, and he doesn’t exactly have good news to be delivering to his constituents, so it’s all about deflection and optics, like it’s always been with Fudge, ever since we met him.

Eric: Wow.

Laura: He’s the worst. But speaking of someone who’s also kind of the worst, the traitor is discovered to be Cho’s friend, Marietta Edgecombe.

Micah: All goes back to Cho.

Laura: Yeah, I know. I know. As Eric called out earlier, Marietta spills the beans to Umbridge not long before this meeting happens, and it’s because her mom works at the Ministry, and she was worried about her mom’s job, allegedly. But we also know that Marietta has always kind of had a foot out the door when it came to the DA; she only came to the first meeting because Cho wanted to go.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Micah: She was the weak link.

Andrew: Yeah. I still have a hard time accepting, though, that Marietta was worried about her mom’s job. How is her mom’s job going to be on the line if nobody is ratting out the DA? This is a pretty small, trustworthy group, I think, with the exception of the person who ends up ratting them out, so I just don’t really get it.

Eric: It must have to do – and I agree, we do have to do some legwork here of the behind-the-scenes things – but it must be that Umbridge is putting pressure on every… or Fudge is putting pressure on Umbridge and everyone else to get dirt on Harry no matter what, or to root out spies or corruption or fraud wherever they can find it. Because the whole situation is that Marietta’s mom, then, is probably complaining to Marietta, going, “I’m so stressed out at work; I don’t know if I can do this for much longer. They’ve got me monitoring Floo Networks.” And Marietta, who’s young, impressionable, maybe a bit vain, maybe not the sharpest Ravenclaw in general, is doing the right thing. I mean, it’s just… this is the point of, I think, how this oppression sort of works, is that you make things horrible for so many people that they just have so much to lose; they retreat in themselves, and they start thinking about what they could lose by not complying. And they’ve already lost so much because of the oppressive state, but they could lose so much more if they don’t comply, and I could easily see Umbridge singing a song to this tune with Marietta. And to Marietta’s credit, she doesn’t really tell her a whole lot, although that’s also due to Hermione’s spell kicking in.

Laura: Yeah, because what is it that Umbridge says? She catches one glimpse of herself in a mirror and immediately freaks out. So I think Marietta…

Micah: I would too.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, I would too, but I think Marietta would have kept singing like a canary if she hadn’t been jinxed.

Micah: And it’s an important distinction, too, because I know the movie, as we’ve pointed out here, does Cho dirty, and they use Veritaserum as the means to which the truth gets revealed about Dumbledore’s Army. That’s not the case here. Marietta went, as far as we know, willingly to Umbridge, as you were talking about, Eric, because of her mother’s situation. But we also learn from Umbridge in this chapter that her mother has been helping the Ministry monitor the Floo Network at Hogwarts, so presumably she had a hand in Umbridge almost catching Sirius just several chapters ago. And we don’t know Marietta’s mother; we don’t know who she is as a person. She could be somebody who might think along the same lines as Umbridge or Fudge, and maybe she doesn’t believe Harry’s story, maybe she doesn’t trust Dumbledore, so she could be putting a lot of pressure on her daughter to do things on her own behalf.

Andrew: True.

Laura: Well, and I’m sure Marietta probably feels a lot of pressure, because she has to know what would happen and how it would look if the DA did get busted and it was revealed that Madam Edgecombe’s daughter was in this subversive, anti-establishment group that was actively fighting Dolores Umbridge.

Andrew: The old Rita would have had a lot to say about that in the Prophet.

Laura: Right.

Micah: I mean, who left the list? Honestly, that’s just…

Andrew: That was such a bad…

Laura: I know.

Eric: Well, listen, they weren’t supposed to be able to get in the room, though. I hate giving Pansy Parkinson any credit, but the fact that she went in there is pretty badass.

Andrew: It’s still just such clear evidence. Was the list even hidden? I don’t think it was, right?

Laura: No.

Andrew: It was just pinned up somewhere. [laughs]

Laura: They had it on the wall.

Andrew: I do want to say on the jinx, with it putting “SNEAK” on Marietta’s head and basically traumatizing her, I think the fact that Umbridge can’t come up with a counter-jinx to fix this, and also doesn’t truly know if, by talking more about it, if it’s going to get worse, it just speaks to how great of a jinx this was by Hermione, so I have no issues with her putting this jinx on everybody who signed that piece of parchment.

Eric: In addition to how it looks, you’ve got to imagine it doesn’t feel great too. They’re purple pustules. Like, hello. That’s probably awful.

Andrew: Yeah, sometimes I’m in pain with just a little bit of acne.

Eric: It’s true.

Andrew: I’m like, “I can’t move my face right now.”

Laura: Snitches get stitches.

[Micah laughs]

Laura: That’s what Hermione said.

Micah: I was wondering, though, was Hermione actually inspired by Umbridge? Because this is not all that dissimilar from the detention that Harry has, and “I must not tell lies” being etched into the back of his hand.

Andrew: Leaving a mark.

Eric: Physical disfigurement, maiming, that kind of thing.

Laura: Yeah, that’s a good call. I mean, we know that she’s inspired by Death Eaters when it comes to the coins.

Micah: Right, with the coins.

Andrew: As we all are.

Eric: Hermione went to a really dark place with everything to do with DA in this book.

Andrew: Again, she’s a little baddie. Our little baddie.

Eric: Didn’t…? I think the last book read-through of this book – or maybe it was Book 6 – Andrew, you were like, “Hermione is a serial killer” or something.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Do you remember? Do you remember keeping on saying that?

Andrew: I can’t say I remember that.

Eric: Okay.

Andrew: But I could see her killing if necessary.

Eric: There are times when she goes way, way hard, for sure.

Andrew: Also, it was really disgusting how Fudge is noticeably quiet when Umbridge grabs Marietta, trying to get more information out of her. Fudge is quiet while Albus, Minerva, and Kingsley are rejecting, like, “I have to stop you right there, Umbridge. You cannot do that.” Fudge doesn’t care, and it speaks to his character.

Laura: Oh, yeah, 100%. And speaking of his character, he’s about to be real enthused because the smoking gun itself, a.k.a. the DA list, is procured. Pansy Parkinson does grab it out of the Room of Requirement, and Umbridge presents this list with the title “Dumbledore’s Army” across the top. And it really is like Christmas has come early for Fudge, because he thought he was just getting a Harry expulsion in this week’s episode, but what he’s actually getting, or so he thinks, is an apprehension of Dumbledore.

Eric: You know what’s funny is Dumbledore has to point it out to him, the significance of it. He’s like, “Cornelius, uh…”

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Uh, hello. Dumbledore’s Army, not Harry’s.”

Eric: And Cornelius is like, “Oh, what? Oh. What!” It’s unbelievable how… I love that you can see the dawning. You can see both sides, how they react during this whole meeting. You see everything from Harry hearing Kingsley uttering a spell – which is not cool; we talked about this, there was a whole debate last time – but to the way that Umbridge has to reveal what she knows, and Dumbledore is piecing that together to form the counter-story. You get to see every bit of new info get used immediately by Dumbledore in a wonderful deception, not to mention, which precedes a badass exit. So it’s really cool and slowed down, this whole scene.

Andrew: And we also see Albus very, very, very subtly tell Harry to not admit to what he did.

Eric: Yep.

Andrew: I mean, that was a very… it’s a blink and you’ll miss it moment as a reader, just because it was so subtle with how Dumbledore handled it.

Eric: Arrives just in time, too. Harry is like, “Yeh – no.”

Andrew: “Yeh – no. I don’t know anything, Fudge.”

Laura: It really does make me wonder what Dumbledore’s plan was before the list got presented and he saw the golden opportunity to play into Fudge’s biggest fear.

Andrew: Yeah. And we’ve got to give it to Dumbledore; he lied, and very quickly came up with this lie, it seems. And we have had this segment on the show called the Dumbledore Lie Count, but you three have wanted to use it as a way to criticize Dumbledore, whereas today we’re actually kind of using it in a good way. He lied to protect Harry! He lied for the greater good!

[Dumbledore lie count sound effect plays]

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Year one Harry Potter. Prepubescent Dan Radcliffe.

Eric: That’s what it took to bring this segment back – the Dumbledore Lie Count – is a time when Dumbledore lies, but it’s a good thing?

Andrew: It’s a good reminder that he ain’t all bad.

Eric: Actually, huge shout-out to one of our listeners, who pointed out that we had actually not done that segment in a while, and it turns out since Chapter 12 of Goblet of Fire on this read-through.

Andrew: Huh. Well, it’s almost like he hasn’t been lying.

Eric: “Surely he’s lied since then,” were going to be the next words out of my mouth.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: So maybe we’ll have to do…

Laura: I mean, he literally in this chapter, before he takes his leave, he says to Harry, “You have to keep practicing Occlumency. I promise you’ll understand why very soon.”

Andrew: [laughs] Well, what is soon, really?

Laura: Yeah, what is time?

Andrew: I mean, one person’s soon is another person’s later. It’s all relative. It’s all subjective.

Laura: Yeah. I mean, ultimately, though, what Dumbledore does here – and it is a good thing that Dumbledore does, because he’s keeping Harry at Hogwarts, which is where he’s safest – he’s keeping Harry at Hogwarts, where he can continue studying Occlumency, right? And hopefully try to keep those bad dreams at bay. We know he doesn’t, but Dumbledore tried. Dumbledore does have this badass exit that you just called out, Eric, and I know we have gone line by line through the scene before, but it really is very incredible how quickly Dumbledore acts. I think we see very similar energy from him the night that Mr. Weasley gets attacked, and Dumbledore is immediately jumping to action and sending portraits to do things and giving people instructions about where to go and who to talk to. And he does the same here; he incapacitates literally everyone in the room, except for Harry, McGonagall, and Marietta. He even incapacitates Kingsley, who is in the Order and on their side, but he knew that it would look suspicious if Kingsley had not been incapacitated. So he buys them a fraction of a moment to be able to say, “I’m not going to Grimmauld Place. Cornelius is really going to regret what he’s done now.” And he tells Harry, “Please do practice your Occlumency. It’s really, really important.” And Harry has that brief moment again where he wants to strike Dumbledore; Dumbledore makes brief physical contact with him, and Harry’s scar bursts into flame, or so it feels like.

Andrew: [imitating Voldemort] “Gah!”

Laura: [laughs] Yeah, and he does the Ralph Fiennes exclamation. So again, we’re still seeing that Horcrux connection waking up and growing stronger.

Andrew: Pretty epic scene.

Micah: One of the other things that I really loved about this scene in the movie is that you get the sense of just how intimidating a figure Dumbledore is, because you see the fear in Fudge’s eyes. You see the fear in Umbridge’s eyes when he says he’s not going to come quietly.

Andrew: And his transition out of the room; doesn’t he bring his arms up and clap his hands above his head, and that’s when Fawkes transports him? It’s pretty sweet. As Kingsley says, “Dumbledore’s got style.” In the movie, anyway.

Laura: Well, I think in the book, Phineas says that.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah.


Odds & Ends


Laura: Well, that is our chapter. We’re going to get into some odds and ends.

Andrew: I just wanted to mention that there’s a mention of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Newt Scamander’s book, in this chapter. Harry forgets this book after leaving Hagrid’s class; at least he pretends to forget it so he can go back and have a quick word with Hagrid without Umbridge being afoot. And one reason this jumps out to me is this is actually only the second mention of the book in the series so far.

Eric: Unbelievable.

Andrew: The first mention in Book 1, and then we don’t get another mention until Deathly Hallows. Kind of surprises me when you think about what Fantastic Beasts turned into.

Eric: And it’s fun because the book had been published by then. It was published in 2000 – or no, 2001 – between Goblet and Order of the Phoenix, and so maybe the author was like, “Oh yeah, I remember this book,” after having written it now, just before writing this book.

Andrew: Wanted to plug it.

Eric: Yeah, but that’s worth checking out. I don’t know what versions they have in bookstores these days – buy used – but Harry and Ron write in the margins, and it’s a very fun, whimsical kind of thing.

Laura: I remember getting that and immediately paging through it to read all of the notes that they wrote in the margins.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Andrew: And the new version has a foreword by Newt Scamander after the movie was released, I believe, as kind of a tie-in.

Eric: Right.

Andrew: And I think there’s an illustrated edition now. They’ve expanded it in a few different ways. Same thing with Quidditch Through the Ages.


Superlative of the Week


Laura: And now we are going to get into our MVP Question of the Week. This week’s question is what is Dumbledore’s most Slytherin moment in this chapter? I think he has several.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “You seem to be laboring under the delusion that I am going to – what is the phrase? ‘Come quietly.'”

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: Amazing. All right, can’t do better than that. I think this unfairly maligns Dumbledore in the premise, calling him a Slytherin. That’s not great.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I don’t think so.

Eric: Okay. All right, well…

Laura: Merlin was a Slytherin.

Eric: Yes, he was. That’s the second mention of Merlin in this episode. My MVP for Dumbledore is the nonverbal signaling to Harry that Andrew mentioned; when Harry is about to confess all because he thinks he’s sure well and busted, Dumbledore is… Harry is like, “Yeh – no.” And yeah, good stuff.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Very cunning!

Micah: Dumbledore, would you do me the honors of reading this quote?

Andrew: Sure. [imitating Dumbledore] “Don’t be silly, Dawlish. I’m sure you are an excellent Auror – I seem to remember that you achieved Outstanding in all your NEWTs – but if you attempt to – er – bring me in by force, I will have to hurt you.”

Micah: [laughs] What I love about it – in addition to Andrew’s impersonation there – is just he personalizes it, right? That’s part of… he’s like, “Oh, I remember that you…”

Andrew: [laughs] “I remember you, bitch.”

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: “But even though you did so well, I could still kick your ass with two hands tied behind my back.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: And I have another, I think, similarly toned moment. And Andrew, I wanted to see if you could do the honor.

Andrew: Oh my gosh.

Laura: Because you’re the…

Eric: Oh, we’re all picking up quotes and having Andrew read them?

Andrew: I’m working double duty today.

Laura: You’re the best at Dumbledore impersonations.

Eric: Andrew, I did you a favor by choosing the nonverbal moment.

Andrew: Yeah, thank you.

Micah: Your screen does say “Dumbledore enthusiast.”

Andrew: It does, yeah.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: “Impressionist,” more like.

Andrew: So Laura’s quote that she wanted to highlight is “I have absolutely no intention of being sent to Azkaban. I could break out, of course – but what a waste of time, and frankly, I can think of a whole host of things I would rather be doing.” It was all over the place, but I didn’t practice.

Laura: No, it was good. Well done.


Lynx Line


Laura: So now we are going to turn to our Lynx Line. MuggleCast listeners who are members of our community over at Patreon.com/MuggleCast have answered this week’s question, and this week’s question was: If you had the ability to magically change the title of the DA roster from “Dumbledore’s Army” to something else, what would you change it to before Umbridge gets the chance to show it to Fudge?

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] Carlee said… [clears throat]

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Carlee said, “The Chudley Cannons Fan Club would probably fly under the radar, since no one cares about them except Ron!” Ohh!

Eric: I love the idea of like, “We know teams, group, societies, and clubs are banned at Hogwarts, but we just need to get together and support the Cannons, you guys!” Love that. Jennifer says, “The Vigilant Defenders.” Love that one.

Micah: Rachel says, “To borrow a term coined by Ron, the House-Elf Liberation Front.”

Laura: [laughs] Umbridge probably wouldn’t like that. Ning Xi said, “There is no club here. We just like to hang out.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: “Here are our names, written oddly formally.”

Andrew: The Not a Club club.

Laura: Yeah, we just want to chill.

Andrew: Eleanor said, “Extra Study Club. It’s accurate – they’re learning what they should be doing in DADA! And definitely flies under the radar.”

Laura: I like that one.

Eric: Zachary says, “I would say the Pink Kitten Club to pay homage to Umbridge’s obsessions, but for obvious reasons I’ll have to rename it Fudge’s Favorite Pupils. When she goes to rat them out, his inflated ego would take over and dismiss the accusation.” Oh, yeah.

Andrew: [to the tune of “Pink Pony Club” by Chappell Roan] “Pink kitten club…”

Laura: I was thinking about the same thing! [laughs]

Eric: [singing] “Pink kitten club, pink kitten club… Meow…”

Andrew: It works a little too well. That has to be an episode title.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Parth says, “The Defense Against the Defense Against the Dark Arts Club.” Love that.

Laura: I like it. And Mev wrapped us up with “The Peculiar Toad Club for Toad Enthusiasts.” Yeah, Umbridge doesn’t have anything to push back on that, I don’t think.

Micah: No, that sounds like something she started when she was in school.

Andrew: I would join that. Hem-hem!

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Don’t forget, everybody, you can participate in the Lynx Line every week by becoming a MuggleCast patron at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. We really appreciate your support. Thank you, everybody who does support us. If you have feedback about today’s episode, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. Remember, we will be off next week, but in two weeks, we will have a special episode of MuggleCast. Hope everybody has a nice holiday break if you’re in America, and hopefully many of you are spending time outdoors over Memorial Day weekend. While you’re doing that, check out our other weekly podcasts, What the Hype?! and Millennial, for more pop culture and real world talk from the four of us. What’s going on on What the Hype?!

Laura: Yeah, on What the Hype?! we’re covering a lot of different fandoms right now, so we are still actively covering The Last of Us, which is airing on Sundays on HBO Max. We are doing live reactions to new episodes at 10:30 p.m. eastern time on Sundays on YouTube, so please head on over to What the Hype?! podcast on YouTube to check those out. We also have a new episode out celebrating 25 years of Gilmore Girls and reacting fondly on that piece of cultural nostalgia. And additionally, we have a new feedback episode that will have come out by the time this episode of MuggleCast is released. So yeah, we’ve got a lot going on over there. Come check us out.

Andrew: And then over on the latest episode of Millennial, we’re discussing a decrease in alcohol consumption. What? Not because of Winky and I…

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: … as well as the rise of nonalcoholic beers, which I tried and spilled all over myself while recording the other day, so that was gross.

Eric: Lagunitas Hoppy Refresher, everyone. That is what I will say.

Andrew: Is that alcoholic or nonalcoholic?

Eric: It’s nonalcoholic. It’s amazing.

Andrew: Oh. Okay.


Quizzitch


Andrew: All right, well, now it’s time for everybody’s favorite Harry Potter trivia game, Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question was: In banning The Quibbler, Umbridge only raises more interest in it. The concept of banning something only making it more popular is colloquially known as the Streisand effect, after actress Barbra Streisand sued a photographer for publishing a photo in 2003. The question is, what was the photo of? Andrew, why don’t you take this one?

Andrew: Her house!

Eric: That’s exactly right. And it was a fairly zoomed out photo of her home on a cliff, and I don’t think people really would have realized what it even was of until she sued and it got big, so heck of a thing. 33% of people with the correct answer did not look it up, and this week’s winners include Kyle; Patronus Seeker; No Quibbling with The Quibbler; A Healthy Breeze; Born Voldemort learning about world history; Irving Courtside; and Shout-out to my super cool sister, Anna. Hi, Anna. Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: The fourth planet in our solar system is Mars, named for the Roman god of war. What did the ancient Greeks call their god of war? Little bit of a fairly more well-known one this week, so enjoy submitting to us on the Quizzitch form on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch. If you’re already on the website – maybe you’re checking out the must listens, reading transcripts… say, for instance, Episode 20 was a good episode. Micah makes a really great point, you guys.

Andrew: The key to the…! What was the…?

Eric: The key to the whole shipping series!

Andrew: The key to the shipping series!

Eric: Oh my God. So yes, on MuggleCast.com, and click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: Thanks, everyone, for listening. Don’t forget to visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast to support us. Also, please leave a review in your favorite podcast app, and tell a friend about the show. We’ll see everybody in two weeks. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everyone

Laura: Bye, y’all.

Transcript #705

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #705, Radio Voldy (OOTP Chapter 26, Seen and Unforeseen)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And we are your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books, the movies, and the upcoming television show, so make sure you follow this show in your favorite podcast app, and that way you’ll never miss an episode. And this week, we are bewitching Order of the Phoenix to look like schoolbooks so we can secretly discuss Chapter 26, “Seen and Unforeseen.” But before we do that, a couple of reminders: If you love the show and want to help us keep this show running smoother than a Quidditch goal against Ron as Keeper…

[Laura groans]

Andrew: … visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledge today. You’ll get instant access to two bonus MuggleCast episodes every month. You’ll also get ad-free episodes, a new gift every year, and a lot more. We could not do this without you, and we appreciate you like Snape appreciates borrowing Dumbledore’s Pensieve. Other great ways to support us: You can pick up MuggleCast merch at MuggleCastMerch.com. You can leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, and tell a friend about the show. Also, we have this overstock store; it’s where we have leftover merchandise from years past that we want to get out to listeners while supplies last, including our “19 Years Later” T-shirt. We recently added that to the overstock store, and they celebrate our 19th anniversary. It’s our special epilogue year, so don’t miss out on those. Visit MuggleMillennial.etsy.com to grab yours, and for more ways to support us and to learn more about the show, visit MuggleCast.com.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: All right, time for Chapter by Chapter. Order of the Phoenix Chapter 26, “Seen and Unforeseen.”

Eric: Yes, yes, yes. We last discussed this cool chapter… actually, I say we; it was Andrew, Laura, Micah, and Pat.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 463.

Micah: We see a scene play out between Voldemort and Rookwood, who we know from the last chapter has just escaped from Azkaban. And we learn that there was a little bit of a misstep on the part of one of the other Death Eaters named Avery, who provided information to Voldemort that Broderick Bode would have been able to retrieve the prophecy, and Rookwood is very adamant about the fact that that could not be the case, so Voldemort is kind of pissed off that he’s been wasting time over the course of the last few months to no avail.

Andrew: Goodbye, Avery. I never liked your paper products. Kind of glad that you’re getting out of here.

Micah: [laughs] Yeah, I think he is done for.

Andrew: He’s done for. I can never figure out the labels; which are which? I don’t get the numbering scheme.

Laura: [laughs] Well, see, what you don’t realize, Andrew, is that this was Avery’s second calling. After things went south with Voldemort, he decided to go form his own label-making company.

Andrew: I see.

Laura: And he’s apparently just as bad at that as he was at his last job.

Andrew: The envelopes say 8160, but then there’s also 4140. Which is it? I can’t tell which template I’m supposed to be using!

[Laura laughs]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Laura: Wow.

Andrew: Those still bug me.

Laura: We were hating on Avery. Dang.

Andrew: I know.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: My God! I mean, granted, he deserved it, but geez. [laughs]

Andrew: These days I use a Rollo thermal label printer. I love those things. Too bad there’s no Rollo in the Harry Potter series.

Eric: Oh, I love a good bit about stationery, and office stationery particularly, so I had to include that. By the way, that was Episode 463, entitled “Umbridge’s Quibbles.” So everyone should check that out if they want even more than what we’re doing this episode.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Eric: However, this episode, because it encompasses four weeks of time – it’s actually a long duration of time – we’re going to do something a little different for the main discussion, and that is focus on individual characters’ moments in the chapter, because pretty much everybody has a good chapter, except the villains. And Ron.

Andrew: As it should be!

Eric: Yeah! This is…

Micah: And Trelawney.

Eric: And Trelawney, arguably, but she’s saved.

Micah: She is saved.

Eric: So we’re going to go through and talk about that, but I think the first character for whom it’s a good chapter is Hermione. As we said last week, the decision to use her leverage on Rita Skeeter to force this interview with Harry really does change the course of the wizarding world, or at least this whole… where the public is with Voldemort and believing that he’s back amid the Ministry. So real props to Hermione. She gets to see the fruits of her labor, essentially, when the Quibbler article comes out, and Harry is convincing people.

Andrew: Major win for her, for sure. What I didn’t love from her this chapter, though, was the know-it-all attitude. Eric, I think you have a good note in here about HermioneGPT.

Eric: She’s back.

Andrew: She’s got an answer for everything. She’s not as environmentally horrible as ChatGPT is…

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: … but she was hard on Harry when talking about Cho, I think. Assuming that he should know how to handle Cho… it’s just like, if she knows all this so well, then she should have given Harry a heads up before their date. And to me, this just reeks of Hermione going out of her way to be a know-it-all. I hate when people do this in the Muggle world.

Micah: Ugh, it’s so bad.

Andrew: They say, “Oh, you didn’t know that? I knew that. You should have expected that.” Well, you should have told me.

Micah: Yeah, it’s so wrong of Hermione to expect Harry to Cho what to do.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: And there’s your dad joke for the episode.

Laura: Oh yeah, you were waiting for that moment. [laughs]

Andrew: You should try to insert a dad joke every week and then we’ll have a little noise.

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Eric: #MicahsDadJokes.

Andrew: Like, the crack of a beer can opening up. That’ll be the…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yeah, and a snore.

Micah: Can we get that? Can we get the crack of a…?

Eric: Yeah, record this.

Micah: Butterbeer.

[sound of soda can opening]

Andrew: Oh!

Micah: There we go. Oooh.

Eric: It’s water. It’s Kirkland water.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: But I do think Hermione needs to share a bit of the blame here, not for how the date went – that’s on Harry and Cho – but she should have had the awareness that this was an important moment in Harry’s life, and double booking him was not going to go over well with Cho. And quite honestly, the explanation that she offers in this chapter for Harry to have given Cho was weak, and I’m not sure it would have made much of a difference. If Harry had used her rationale, I still think we would have arrived at the same outcome.

Eric: I’ll agree with only one part of this anti-Hermione bias in the middle of Hermione’s triumphant chapter, which is that the advice she gives to Harry wouldn’t really be like him. She tells Harry that he should have said, “Ah, yeah, this ugly girl I know, Hermione Granger – who, by the way, I’m not interested in at all – she’s obligating me to go and see her. I really don’t want to, but I’m going to go do this. Do you want to come along?”

Andrew: “I’m sorry, babe.”

Eric: That’s not in Harry’s character at all, to first of all, lie, second of all, just pretend that he doesn’t want to do something. He’s Harry friggin’ Potter; if he doesn’t want to do something, he’s not going to do it. So it’s kind of a much too late after the fact suggestion of Hermione’s. I don’t have a problem with Hermione, I really don’t, but there are times when she comes off as a little condescending, and particularly in this chapter, the wording that’s used to describe how she’s speaking, like if he were a toddler, is a bit much. So I think she’s probably reveling in her recent success, and it’s caused her to be a little tone deaf or un-delicate with him as a result.

Laura: I don’t know. Having had the experience of being the only girl in a friend group of teenage boys, y’all, I relate to Hermione so much here. Because if we’re looking at what the cause of Harry’s bad date with Cho was, you go back to the root of it; it’s the fact that Harry put absolutely zero effort into planning anything for this date until he woke up the morning of and was like, “Oh yeah, I’m going on this date.” So he had no plans. He clearly showed up to this date with nothing in mind. And that’s not to say that Cho did a great job of this herself; she could have planned something more, although I think ultimately her covert plan was for them to end up at Madam Puddifoot’s. But there could have been more effort put into the date itself that might have made this story about Harry needing to go see Hermione land differently. Not saying that it would have been… it might have been a bumpy landing, but I think it would have gone better than it did, ultimately.

Micah: Can we agree, though, that it’s a misstep on the part of Hermione to put this on Harry’s calendar at the same time that he’s going out on the first date with the girl that Hermione knows he likes?

Andrew: [laughs] Yep.

Laura: I mean, I don’t think Hermione picked the date.

Eric: No, this is the trouble, is that especially with Umbridge’s authoritarianism, there are so few opportunities for something like what needed to happen to happen. It needed to be a Hogsmeade weekend because Umbridge wasn’t expecting it; she wouldn’t have her spies there. This was pretty much the only time this could happen. And this needed to happen for the entire benefit of the wizarding world, as I keep saying! The ends justify the means here. Hermione was generous to let Harry still go on his date and say, “We’ll meet you later,” because this could have taken so much time to do his interview that he didn’t have time for anything else. So I think that Hermione was more than patient and more than kind, and does not…

Andrew: I guess my question is, how long? How many hours are they at Hogsmeade? Because there probably would be enough time to do the date and this meeting. Luna’s not busy. She’s got nothing but time; she can make whatever time she needs.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Rita is Hermione’s you-know-what.

Eric: Unemployed. You can just say unemployed.

Andrew: And unemployed; she can show up at any time. She doesn’t have a Valentine’s Day date, I think, as we established last week. So I think there would have been time, and I think Hermione was setting Harry up for failure. Can you imagine, any of you, hearing that your best friend is going out on their first date, and you have the nerve to say to them, “I need you that day too, get over here at this certain time.” That’s outrageous!

Laura: I mean, if my best friend is the Chosen One, and that specific day is the day that we get to do something to change the trajectory of the entire world… sorry.

Andrew: Cho can wait. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah. And also, I’ll just say I don’t think Harry and Cho are a good match. I actually think that Harry has not been super interested in her since their kiss at Christmas, and he just hasn’t… I think he’s just kind of slow on the uptake.

Eric: Yeah, I think as soon as he realized this was going to be slightly difficult, that she has some baggage, it’s been slowly rubbing him the wrong way.

Micah: The one piece of it, though, is that Harry doesn’t have the information of who he’s actually going to meet and what he’s meeting Hermione for.

Eric: He also didn’t demand about it, though, right? Because he could have asked Hermione and she probably would have told him.

Micah: In fairness, Harry’s got a lot on his mind, okay?

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: And didn’t Hermione peel out of there pretty quick, I seem to recall, when she gets this idea?

Micah: She does, but presumably she would have needed to get a response and then set up the actual meeting. So what I’m saying is, if Harry would have positioned it as “I have a really important interview I need to do,” or I don’t know, make it anything other than using Hermione’s name…

Eric: Like, “I’m meeting my friend,” yeah.

Micah: If he had phrased it in a different way, perhaps the outcome would have been better.

Eric: Yeah, he didn’t have the information necessary to help him phrase it a different way, on multiple, multiple ends there. I want to make two points here: We always hear about Hogsmeade weekends, but I don’t think we see them go to Hogsmeade on Saturday, and then go to Hogwarts to sleep, and then go back to Hogsmeade on Sunday. I think the Hogsmeade weekend is just a Saturday afternoon where the kids from the school come to the village. So my point in bringing that observation up is just that we like to imagine there’s enough time to do both, right? The date… because that’s Valentine’s Day. So if there were two days they could have done it, Hermione would have scheduled the Rita thing for the non-Valentine’s Day day.

Andrew: Right.

Eric: Clearly she’s considered it enough.

Andrew: No, that’s true. I did imagine it as a day trip as well. You’ve got to block a lot of time out; I understand that. You’ve got to block out two-three hours just to ride Forbidden Journey. You never know how long that line’s going to be.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yeah, yeah. Oh, God. And the line for butterbeer…

Andrew: The butterbeer line… [laughs]

Eric: That’s half a day anyway, yeah.

Andrew: Tourists everywhere… screaming children…

Eric: Augh!

Laura: God forbid Forbidden Journey breaks down.

Andrew: You run into your favorite MuggleCaster… yeah. You go on that Hagrid coaster, the original one, and you’re like, “This was 30 seconds and I waited in line an hour for that?”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: By the way, we love that ride on this show. But still…

Andrew: It’s cute.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: If there’s no wait, it’s cute.

Eric: The other question I want to put… this is a good Hermione chapter, damn it!

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Do the ends justify the means? Because even Cho, who reads the Quibbler article, comes and gives Harry a kiss on the cheek and is like, “That was really brave.” Now, Harry doesn’t take that opportunity to gloat and be like, “That was what I was seeing Hermione about, FYI.” I think Cho is probably smart enough to realize, though, when that interview occurred, especially…

Micah: Of course she was; she’s in Ravenclaw.

Eric: Well, there you go.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: So then she must… then she owes Hermione an apology! Anyway, we’re going to move on.

Micah: Ehh…

Laura: [laughs] I mean, these are teenagers; let’s remember that. None of these people’s frontal lobes are fully developed yet, so there are just some emotional and maturity limitations at play for everyone here.

Eric: There’s a little bit of a blind spot when it comes to Hermione rubbing people the wrong way. She kind of gleefully tells Fred and George why Ginny is all of a sudden good at Quidditch, and it’s because she’s been sneaking their brooms, and like, “Oh yeah, that makes sense.” But hello, guys, you didn’t notice that? And then Hermione does kind of a little bit step in it regarding Quidditch. And what did we think about her comment that she feels better than, or freer, because her mood is not dependent on Ron’s goalkeeping ability?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Unlike most of Gryffindor, who are just… their week is ruined.

Laura: I mean, I think Hermione doesn’t understand Quidditch, it’s very clear, and she doesn’t have probably the appropriate level of respect for it because she doesn’t understand it. At the same time, I still think it’s a healthy attitude to have to not hang your mental health on something that you have no control over.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah. I think the conversation in the books gets a little exaggerated overall. People do look forward to games in the Muggle world; just thinking about Muggle examples here. People look forward to football, right, Micah? Every Sunday, what are you doing? 1:00 p.m. in the afternoon? You’re looking forward to, I don’t know, the Jets or something.

Micah: I mean, pick a better team.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, but they’re close to you. That’s why I used that. [laughs]

Micah: That’s fair.

Andrew: I think Ron is onto something here, that it’s something to look forward to. It gives some joy. But tying his mental health to it is probably an exaggeration at this age.

Micah: But it’s not that surprising, if you think about how most young people who play – whether you consider competitive or noncompetitive sports – how worked up they do get, depending on the outcome of their performance. And Ron has grown up in a family with really good Quidditch players, and he wants to be able to, in a lot of ways, live up to that reputation. And he’s somebody who just loves Quidditch in general, so this idea that the sport that he loves, he’s not very good at – at least to start – and let’s be fair to him; I mean, he’s getting thrown into a tough situation here, right? He hasn’t had time to really grow and mature into this role. But as far as Hermione goes, she gets worked up over things like getting a wrong answer or not acing an assignment. And so this made me think, if we’re to flip it a little bit, because Quidditch – when Ron isn’t getting scored on, what, 14 times? – is fun. It’s enjoyable, right? For the most part, for these students, it’s an outlet. Does Hermione have any fun outlets, aside from academics? Is this part of why…?

Eric: Does SPEW count? [laughs]

Micah: I was thinking about that.

Laura: Yeah, knitting all those hats.

Eric: No, because she does it alone. It’s probably really lonely. It’s creative.

Micah: Exactly.

Andrew: It’s a hobby, though.

Eric: She makes hats.

Micah: I’m not saying you can’t have your own personal hobby; of course you can. But I’m thinking about doing something that allows you to be part of a team, to interact with people, to have… you have similar interests…

Andrew: Dumbledore’s Army?

Micah: Maybe.

Andrew: It’s new. I see your point, though. I see your point.

Eric: She gets a little holier-than-thou, but I think ultimately… as somebody who’s always had a healthy skepticism for all sports, yeah, I kind of get what she’s saying. Your team lost this week; that’s going to drag you down. But why are you so affected by this external factor? I don’t know. I don’t agree with her tone, but I agree with what she’s saying.

Micah: There’s something about it that she just doesn’t quite understand. Though, go back to even Sorcerer’s Stone; she was cheering on Harry in that first match-up, right? So there is a love for the Gryffindor Quidditch team. But if I’m not mistaken, doesn’t she also get into it with Ginny in a later book about Quidditch?

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: In Half-Blood Prince, Ginny is like, “Don’t act like you know what you’re talking about. Shut up.” And I mean, Hermione kind of deserves it, because again, she’s speaking kind of, I think, out of turn tonally about something she doesn’t really know about. And I think you’re right, Micah; up until Dumbledore’s Army, I don’t think Hermione… I don’t think we’ve seen her experience being on a team like that. I think she cheers for the Gryffindor Quidditch team mostly because her best friends are on it. If she didn’t have close friends on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, I don’t think that she would root against them or anything, but I don’t think she would be as enthusiastic at matches either.

Andrew: Yeah. I do wonder how many wizards and witches enjoy Quidditch in the wizarding world. It’s interesting because in the Muggle world, we have so many different sports to pick from. Everybody’s got a sport. A lot of people have sports they like, except for Eric, it sounds like. [laughs]

Eric: Apparently.

Andrew: But then in the wizarding world, it kind of sounds like you’re forced to either love Quidditch or love no sport at all. It doesn’t seem like there’s any other sport that’s on the same level as Quidditch, at least.

Eric: Yeah, you’re not getting invited to the Gobstones World Cup.

Andrew: Right, right. So I also wonder… maybe Hermione, in time, came to like Quidditch too. I’ve been kind of a late bloomer when it comes to football. I’ve gotten into football; I never thought I would.

Eric: Who’s your team?

Andrew: The Eagles. Fly, Eagles, fly, baby. Come on. Super Bowl champions!

Eric: On the road to victory.

Laura: There you go.

Andrew: I’m optimistic that Hermione came to like Quidditch a lot. Also, if you’re the Minister of Magic, I feel like you have to at least fake that you like it.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: That’s right. You’re asked to present…

Micah: Look, there are some people who just don’t like sports, and that’s totally fair.

Eric: I’ll tell you who does like sports: Ginny has a good chapter. She actually saves Gryffindor, I think, some shame by catching the Snitch when they’re only ultimately going to lose by ten points, which keeps them in the running for the Quidditch World Cup. Now, there’s this moment where Harry kind of has this internal monologue where he thinks he could have done it better, and that’s a little worrisome, but at the same time he’s just grateful, because everyone is down about Quidditch. Everyone is upset that Ron, despite all the practice, is still not passing the muster, and I feel like at least Ginny maybe saved some embarrassment for everybody. So good for her.

Laura: Yeah. I think… well, and ultimately, it prevents Gryffindor from being knocked super far down the list, right? They could still bounce back.

Micah: Yeah. And it’s hard watching from the sidelines. Think about athletes who get injured and have to watch when their team is competing in important matches; that’s what Harry is experiencing here. It’s a bit of FOMO, to be honest with you.

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Micah: I mean, it’s very equivalent to when Andrew isn’t on the show, and he edits it…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: … and then he’s sitting there thinking to himself, “Gosh, if I was only on, so many other good points would have been made. The show would have been so much better.”

Andrew: [laughs] “This moment was missing a Trelawney impression.” Don’t worry, that’s coming later on today’s episode.

Eric: Oooh. I’ve got to say, too, with Harry having to watch his team compete, and he can’t do it, Umbridge is a few rows in front of him, looking back, smiling at him.

Micah: Yeah, what a… word I cannot say.

Andrew: Evil.

Eric: She gets hers. She gets hers in this chapter. But still, it’s just bad. Yeah, but really want to shout out Luna again, the other member of this equation, the other person who was at the table while Harry did his tell-all besides Hermione and Rita. And it’s her father’s printing press, her father’s publication that gets to have the Harry Potter tell-all, “What really happened the night You-Know-Who came back and what I saw.” And The Quibbler quickly sells out. It’s the fastest sell-out for it; Xenophilius is going to do another print run of it. And they do seem… she is a little bit surprised, I guess, that there seems to be more interest in Harry’s story than that of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack, which is an odd comment, but hilarious.

Andrew: [laughs] Which raises the question, just how out there are Luna and Xeno…

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: … that they would think a story on these Crumple-Horned Snorkacks should get priority over an interview with Harry? That just tells me they’re not in touch with reality. I know they are already a little out there, but aren’t you paying attention in the news and what’s going on?

Eric: Yeah, there’s a possibility that the Crumple-Horned Snorkack story is going to usurp Harry’s story, and that Harry is going to have to wait a whole other issue to get his interview in.

Andrew: Right.

Eric: That’s what Luna says, I think, in the very beginning of the chapter. But I think Xenophilius had enough sense to actually put the Harry thing out first…

Andrew: Okay, that’s fair.

Eric: … because they get it within the week, so there’s that. But yeah, I don’t really know how… what a sense of how big the article, how they thought it would be. But ultimately, due to circumstances in this chapter, it’s so much bigger.

Laura: I really want to see the editorial calendar for The Quibbler.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: I really want to see how they prioritize, because I tend to think that at The Quibbler, they are probably living under the assumption that anything too weird to be published in the Prophet should probably go in The Quibbler. So I wonder if their method of deciding what goes first is “What is the most underrepresented, kooky story?” basically.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Eric: They don’t have a closed door policy. It’s open, like, “Anything that was rejected from the Prophet, we’ll take it.”

Andrew: [laughs] Any rumor. “Fudge spotted in goblin disco club.”

Micah: Oooh.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: “The truth about Nargles: Are they stealing your left shoes?”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: “Werewolf/mermaid hybrids found in Black Lake.”

Micah: Are you making these all up?

Andrew: Maybe.

Eric: I was going to say, they’re really good.

Micah: Or did you Google Quibbler headlines?

Andrew: No.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Are they from ChatGPT?

Eric: Andrew, could you say no again, but say it more convincing?

Andrew: No. What?

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Okay. Well, Lydia has a good point in the Discord. She said, “They believe Harry, so they don’t see the need for the urgency to release the story.”

Andrew: Oh, good point.

Laura: Oooh. Good point. Yeah, I could see Xenophilius being like, “Duh.” [laughs] “This is the worst-kept secret; everyone knows this.” Well, not quite.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Andrew: We’re going to take a quick break and investigate this new rumor that Albus Dumbledore is actually a giant shrinking troll, so we’ll be right back.

Micah: No, he’s just a troll.

Andrew: Wow.

Laura: Dumbledore is kind of a troll, low-key.

Eric: You just said that to a man with a subtitle that says “Dumbledore enthusiast.” How do you feel about that?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I know. I know what I did.

Micah: Fantastic.

Eric: I think it’s harder to insult Dumbledore looking at Andrew with the little subtitle there.

Micah: We need to get him a shirt that says “Dumbledore enthusiast.”

Andrew: I’m down for that.

Laura: Aww.

Andrew: Let’s create it in the merch store.

Laura: Yeah, your birthday is coming up.

Andrew: I want Laura’s Pants for my birthday. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, me too.

Andrew: I’m going to be flying for, like, 12 hours each way in a couple weeks. I need those comfortable Laura’s Pants.

Laura: If you… can you actually do that and wear them, and please take pictures of yourself flying across the Atlantic in my pants?

Andrew: [laughs] I wonder how long it would… that’d be so funny.

Micah: Laura’s Pants, now available in London.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Oh, man.

[Ad break]

Eric: And we’re back. Let’s talk about an interesting subject or development here. Snape, as in Professor Snape, actually seems to have a moment where he might be wanting to teach Harry, or instruct him well. I don’t know how I feel about this. Basically, Snape and Harry square off, as they always do, but this is a lesson in which Harry successfully throws off the Legilimens spell. It allows Harry to throw a Shield Charm, and he breaks into Snape’s mind, and we see some memories of Snape’s. And instead of murdering Harry right on the spot, Snape says, “That was better. You actually did a better job.” And I’m starting to think, “Wait a minute, that was a normal human response to actually your student succeeding at something you’re teaching him.” What’s going on with Snape? Why didn’t he just flip the heck out?

Andrew: Is Albus checking in, asking how the lessons are going, and maybe he’s like, “Umm… no progress,” and maybe Dumbledore is encouraging him to actually be a better teacher?

Eric: You’re right. This is something he can report back to Albus, and so that’s why he doesn’t flatten Harry.

Andrew: [imitating Snape] “I’ve made progress. I’ve given him a compliment.”

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Was that before or after Harry basically compliments Snape, or says what he says, which Snape basically takes as a compliment?

Eric: Yeah, he’s like, “Excuse you, Potter, but you’re not special, and you’re not supposed to want to see what the Dark Lord is saying to his Death Eaters,” and Harry is like, “No, that’s your job, sir,” and Snape is like, “You’re right, it is.”

Andrew: So wait, Micah, you’re calling that a compliment?

Micah: Well, I think that’s the way Snape interpreted it.

Andrew: Interesting. Like, “This is my role; this is my job in this fight.”

Micah: He’s like, “Yeah, you’re damn right I am.”

Andrew: That’s an interesting way to look at it.

Laura: Yeah. That’s kind of how I interpreted it, too, kind of like a “Hell yeah I am, and you have no idea what you’re talking about, so sit down.”

Andrew: [imitating Snape] “You’re Dumble-damn right.”

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: But it doesn’t last long, right?

Eric: No, no, and interestingly enough, he casts it one more time, and Harry is able to finally get through the door. It’s a really interesting kind of instance where Harry is standing in front of the door; he’s never gotten through it. He’s reaching out, he opens it, and actually sees the room beyond, the room beyond with all these subsequent doors with black walls, black floors, and blue flame. And my question here – I had kind of an inkling that I’ve never had before thinking about this – but my question would be how is Snape able to coax it out of Harry if Harry never dreamt that he got through the door? How is this actually able to occur if it never occurred before and what Snape is doing is Legilimency?

Micah: I feel like in these moments, Harry is exceptionally vulnerable, and I don’t think Harry necessarily needs to be asleep to experience these visions from Voldemort, so maybe it was just a situation where two things were happening at the same time.

Andrew: Yeah, Snape is sort of breaking him down so much that he’s actually opening up the active connection to Voldemort.

Laura: Yeah. Well, and Harry is not practicing either; that’s something else that gets called out. Snape specifically says, when this happens, “You haven’t been practicing,” the implication being, “If you had been practicing, this would not be happening.” And we even see Harry in this chapter acknowledge how hard it is for him to empty his mind before he goes to sleep.

Eric: Yeah, he’s like, “I’m not doing that. Everybody around me sucks.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: Basically. So I agree with Andrew; I think Harry is already vulnerable because of the work that he’s being put through with Snape, but I don’t think that he’s well-resourced to be able to actually do what he needs to do outside of his lessons. Again – sorry, Andrew – it all goes back to Dumbledore. So much of this, so much of Harry having the information that he needs to be successful at this, is missing because Dumbledore isn’t communicating.

Micah: Boom.

Eric: And because Snape didn’t set him up for success either. He’s not like, “Here, Potter, we’re going to actually practice emptying your mind.”

Laura: No, but…

Eric: Like, “This is how you do it. This is…” Because there’s a method. That’s as important as learning the spell or the resisting of the penetration.

Laura: I agree, but I mean, I think Dumbledore could have predicted how Snape was going to teach Harry.

Eric: Poorly.

Andrew: And then Dumbledore should have anticipated this – like you’re saying – and said, “Snape, do this right. Don’t be a whiny bitch in front of Harry. Get the job done. Put your feelings towards the boy and his mom aside for a couple hours a week, and do me a solid here.” That’s the conversation that should have happened, because Dumbledore can’t teach him directly for reasons we’ve already discussed. He needs somebody who’s really good, like we discussed previously. Maybe Lupin would have been an option, or like we said previously, Lupin should have been in the room as a kind of teacher’s assistant to keep Snape chill, I guess.

Eric: A compliance officer, yeah.

Andrew: [laughs] Compliance officer.

Eric: Well, I think, too, that Snape’s angle… okay, Harry has been dreaming about the door since the beginning of the year, long before Dumbledore could have stepped in about it, but since Christmas, now they know that things are intertwined and stuff. But Harry desperately wants to see beyond the door; this is not something Snape can really prevent. Harry has now gotten so much of a taste about the door, dreams about it every night, that he really wants to see what’s beyond it, so I think there’s something accurate to what Snape is saying when he tells Harry that he’s not even trying and perhaps he wants to go beyond the door, perhaps he wants to see more, feels special about Voldemort. It comes off as just an insult.

Micah: So it’s his own willpower that’s also working against Snape in this moment. To your point, Harry wants to go there, so maybe subconsciously he’s keeping himself from closing off his mind because he has this desire to know what’s in the room.

Eric: Well, because if he really took the threat seriously, I think he… or if it was explained to him in a way that made Harry take it seriously, he would have maybe made a little bit more effort, but he loves a good mystery, right? And so what I’m starting to think is something crucial happened the last time Harry had a dream, I think at the end of the end of the last chapter, which is, as suspected, Voldemort now knows about their dream connection. So going back to my original question about this scene, which is how can Harry be recalling something that he doesn’t remember having to begin with – what it looks like behind the door – is Voldemort now actively implanting or trying to send visions of what’s behind the door to Harry.

Micah: Why not?

Laura: Yeah. I mean…

Micah: We see them… he’s Voldemort in this chapter when he’s dreaming.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: So I finally, I think, answered the question that I was having, which is Voldemort has actually turned on the broadcast and is now… this is what’s behind it.

Andrew: [singing] “Radio Voldy!”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: There’s a lot of fun we could have with that idea. But ultimately, it’ll get used horribly at the end of the book in two months’ time.

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Laura: I think it’s also interesting… it’s really hard to tell, I think, for the reader and for Harry, where Voldemort’s emotions end and Harry’s emotions begin. Because I think some of Harry’s desire to see what’s beyond the door is driven by Voldemort’s desire, because we see in the last chapter, I think it was, Harry specifically call out that he is having emotions that are not his own, that are not contextually appropriate for the conversations that he’s in at the time.

Micah: He’s maniacally laughing.

Laura: Yeah! I think a lot of this is Voldemort, and then I think Harry’s natural curiosity on top of that makes it probably really hard to break… or rather, really hard to empty one’s mind of.

Micah: Totally. And I just think that Snape has so much to do with that, because if we go back to a prior discussion we had, and we compare how Lupin taught Harry to cast the Patronus, and the care with which he did that, and the way that he would step by step teach him… if it was too much for Harry, they stopped, right? And he treated him with the chocolate. Now we’re in a situation where Snape just wants to get the last laugh, right?

Eric: Basically.

Micah: Every time, no matter how well Harry may perform in that particular moment, right? He has a great moment in this chapter; Snape could have stopped the lesson there, left Harry on a high note, and maybe he doesn’t have the dream that he experiences in this chapter. But instead, I always think that Snape wants to leave the lesson on the higher ground, and maybe… higher ground is not the right…

Eric: Yeah, the upper hand.

Micah: The upper hand, exactly.

Eric: Well, because Harry knows that he’s in for it now. After he has a success, he’s like, “Oh, Snape is going to make me pay for that, seeing inside his head,” and he does. In fact, the only reason the lesson… the only reason Snape could maybe kind of weirdly be misconstrued as a decent teacher who cares for half of one second in this chapter is because the lesson isn’t allowed to continue because they hear a scream up above, and it’s Trelawney’s scream, which leads us to the last character that has a very good chapter, I would say…

[Andrew gasps]

Eric: … and that is Dumbledore, who was able to, I guess, predict that Trelawney would be attempted to be removed from the school. He has read Umbridge’s diary; he knows that that’s the next move, that Umbridge is clearly feeling so put out over this Quibbler thing that she’s scrambling for “How can I show my control? How can I show I have power?” So time to give the Divination teacher the sack, and Dumbledore completely shuts down her ability to remove Trelawney from the school, unceremoniously and mercilessly. It’s amazing.

Andrew: Yeah, he’s ready to go with this. It reminds me of the beginning of the book, where he’s defending Harry in court; he knows the laws and the statutes. He knows how to get through this situation and still remain in control, and that’s when he brings in Firenze.

Eric: I mean, it’s just… it’s Dumbledore. It’s amazing. He like, okay, opens the door. As you said, Andrew, he knows the exact statutes. He knows that because the law appointing the High Inquisitor was… the excuse around it being able to exist was that they couldn’t find a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, so that’s why the law is worded to where, if Hogwarts fails to find a teacher, then the Inquisitor will appoint one. Because that’s how that law was written then – and it certainly wouldn’t be how it was written if it were a new law now – that’s why Dumbledore did this whole thing where he finds a substitute before the question even comes up about who’s going to fill Trelawney’s role. So Umbridge thinks that she’s distinctly gaining a victory, and really, really, really grabbing for power here, and Dumbledore is like, “No. You can fire Trelawney, but you can’t send her away. And also, I already have a replacement.” It’s just… it’s a master class. It’s so good.

Laura: It’s like malicious compliance, honestly. Like, “Yeah, okay, I’ll play within the rules. But if we’re playing by the rules, you can’t do that.” [laughs]

Micah: Yeah, I definitely plus one Dumbledore in this moment. He was prepared. And really, the only reason he was out there was to go get Firenze. He probably knew, from all the intel he has across the school, that this sack was coming and was imminent for Trelawney, and I think… I’d love to see – I guess it’s going to be John Lithgow – this shot that Harry describes of Dumbledore, this imposing figure coming through the oak doors with the night behind him, the moonlight behind him. It was not something we got in the movies. Although, Michael Gambon does come out into the courtyard area, but it’s not the same effect.

Eric: Ugh, it’s epic until he then goes, “Don’t you all of studying to do? Rahhh!”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Dumbledore-saurus.

Micah: Yeah, that’s the second worst line in the Harry Potter series.

Andrew: The cranky Michael Gambon, yeah. No, I think you’re right, though, Micah, about Dumbledore anticipating this. He’s probably been anticipating it for many weeks, just seeing how Umbridge is operating, and knowing Trelawney, about the type of teacher that she is. It also makes me wonder if Dumbledore had somebody on tap to replace Hagrid.

Eric: Right.

Andrew: You would think he did. He was probably anticipating that one too.

Eric: They’re both on probation.

Laura: Probably Grubbly-Plank.

Eric: Yeah, it’s probably Grubbly-Plank. But the greatest thing about Trelawney’s replacement is that it plays right into Umbridge’s own prejudices. It is what she would call a half-breed, or a creature of lesser… of near-human intelligence, right? It’s a centaur! And she freaking hates that. And the fact that he’s not going to go to Trelawney’s office tower to sleep or wherever her quarters are up in the castle, but Firenze is just going to prefer something on the ground floor by nature, completely allows Trelawney to stay. And it’s just… Umbridge is so racist; she has to control herself. Not only did Dumbledore one-up her, but he presents a teacher that is going to… his very existence is going to offend Umbridge as being teaching staff at the school worse than Trelawney did to begin with.

Laura: And also, Firenze is not going to take any crap off Umbridge. That’s the other advantage here. I mean, this is someone who Umbridge’s horrible standards would lead her to believe is not qualified to hold this position, and he’s going to make her look pretty dumb when the time comes. I kind of can’t wait to revisit that chapter, because it is so satisfying. He’s just like, “Lady, I am aware of the whole cosmos and all the timelines, and all of this is so much bigger than you. Please go away.” [laughs]

Eric: The other aspect of Dumbledore’s brilliance here is that nobody guesses the true victory that’s happening. I think that you can see this from the outside; I bet all the students and the teachers may even see it as a procedural move, where it’s Headmaster one, High Inquisitor zero on the latest victory, but Trelawney is essential. It’s essential that Trelawney is protected, and she’s there strategically. This is why Dumbledore appointed her to her role at the school to begin with; she’s there strategically because she gave the prophecy between Harry and the Dark Lord. Now, the interesting thing about this is, in Umbridge trying to send her away, if she was successful at that, Trelawney would maybe be at the mercy or fall victim to one of the Death Eaters, if anybody knew this about her. This is the weapon that Voldemort is trying to get to right now, and if he could just abduct Trelawney either to a Memory Charm… I know, specifically, she doesn’t remember giving that part, but if he physically had Trelawney… this is the year when Trelawney needs to absolutely be protected by Dumbledore at Hogwarts. This is the year. And now she is, which is really, really exciting. I don’t think I’ve ever pieced together before that Trelawney’s part in the grand scheme of things – which, again, we don’t really find out until the next book the full significance of it – is that she needs to stay at the school this year.

Andrew: Maybe Snape needs to be teaching Occlumency to Trelawney as well. How would that be for a class, teaching Trelawney and Harry?

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: He would hate that.

Eric: Trelawney and Harry in Remedial Potions would be just absolutely wild.

[Andrew laughs]

[Ad break]

Eric: All right, welcome back. So let’s talk about Voldemort’s developing plan here, because, as indicated in our clip that we played from the last time we discussed this chapter, Voldemort has wasted some months in attempting to grab the prophecy through Imperio-ing other people to do it, etc., etc. He now knows… he now has the basic building blocks, thanks to Rookwood, that only he or Harry can really retrieve the prophecy, and this allows the subsequent months to exist and unfurl how they do. So yeah, Voldemort is quickly changing gears as a result of this meeting, which Harry has a unique insight into.

Andrew: Yeah. It does make me wonder how Voldemort’s plan and how the whole timeline would have changed had Voldemort never wasted time with this now bad information. Would this have been wrapped up a lot sooner? Would we have had one less year?

Eric: Right.

Laura: Would we have gotten to Horcruxes and Hallows sooner than we do?

Andrew: “Harry Potter and the Order of the Horcruxes.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: I mean, I think if you find out that it either has to be you or Harry to retrieve the prophecy, they’re either going to try and kidnap or lure Harry there sooner, or they’re going to find a way to get Voldemort in the Ministry, which… I mean, Lucius could sneak him in, in a… well, I guess he’s not small anymore. But I think that they have enough Death Eaters that are clearly willing to risk it that Voldemort could go himself to the Ministry.

Micah: It just seems like something that should have been more common knowledge. Why would Voldemort, who’s this extremely accomplished individual with vast knowledge of the wizarding world, not know, nor does any of his followers know, that a prophecy can only be retrieved by those who it is made about?

Andrew: Thinking about the timeline, Voldemort says in this chapter they wasted months. So thinking about that, if they did waste months, let’s say they actually figured things out early in the summer in between years four and five, which would also make sense because Voldemort is now fully back in his body. What if Voldemort tried to lure Harry away from Privet Drive in some way? Having somebody else come for him, pretend to be somebody who he’s not, gets him out of the Dursleys’ house, and before you know it, Harry is being lured into the Ministry or something like that. I could see something like that playing out. Ariane, who’s listening live, also wonders, “Would Nagini be able to have retrieved the prophecy, as another Horcrux themselves? She is part of Voldemort, so it’s about part of her.” That’s an interesting idea too.

Laura: True, yeah. Well, and I think they might have been trying to do something like that, because Nagini is the one who attacks Mr. Weasley, right?

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. Well, would Nagini have been successful? I wonder, Mr. Potter.

Laura: I don’t know. We’ll never know.

Andrew: Lydia also asks, “Would Voldemort have been able to take Polyjuice Potion to get inside?” That’s an interesting question, too. So he would just pose as somebody else so he could get into the Ministry easily enough.

Micah: He’d finally have a nose.

Andrew: Yeah, and then would he be able to grab the prophecy? I guess that brings up questions about these rules about the prophecies versus Polyjuice Potion. I guess I would assume that yes, he could take it, because it is still him.

Micah: It’s not his style, though. He doesn’t like Polyjuice.

Andrew: Yeah, he wants to take it himself, and he wants everybody to know it was him. Is that what you’re saying?

Laura: He just loves the attention. He wants the drama.

Eric: I will say, we do get kind of a full picture after Harry’s vision about how exactly things went down, like the fact that we saw Lucius Malfoy the day of Harry’s hearing; that was the day that Sturgis Podmore was first cursed. And this whole explanation about Bode and why he needed to be killed at St. Mungo’s. This is all pieced together by the trio, and so it’s just… it’s pretty interesting, I guess, that the Death Eaters and all of them have all actually been working towards this goal, just like the Order has been keeping watch, preventing them from getting behind the door. It’s probably more exciting than it sounds, of guarding this door so that Voldemort’s people can’t get in there.

Micah: It does show how bad security is at the Ministry as well, that you have these two groups that are at odds with each other over the same general space within the Ministry, yet nobody really picks up on what’s happening.

Eric: The Ministry is none the wiser, yeah.

Micah: But Andrew, your question, though… it’s hard to say what else Voldemort would have done with the time, right? It seems like… it just shows he’s vulnerable too, right? And that he doesn’t know everything, and he’s going to make missteps. He’s going to make mistakes, but other people are going to pay for those mistakes, not him.

Andrew: Yeah. You could say there was a flaw in the plan.

Laura: Oh, wait, there’s a chapter called that. [laughs]

Eric: Ohh, interesting.

Andrew: No, but that is a good point. That is a good reminder, and almost kind of foreshadowing, that Voldemort and his team aren’t perfect either. For as big of a threat as they are, they’re messy too. They’re getting bad information, and Voldemort evidently doesn’t know everything that he should.

Laura: Yeah, but what is it that Miley says, Andrew?

Andrew: “Everybody has those days”? “Everybody makes mistakes”?

Micah: “Party in the USA”?

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: I thought it was the “Nobody’s Perfect.”

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Laura: I feel like that’s the one you always tout.

Andrew: [singing] “Nobody’s perfect,” yeah. Oh, see, you confused me because that was technically Hannah Montana.

Laura: Oh, sorry.

Andrew: But I’ll accept it.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Eric.

Eric: Yes?

Micah: I did want to ask, though, all this information that you just shared with us, why not leak it to The Quibbler? There’s no downside, right, to doing that at this point.

Eric: What information?

Micah: All the Death Eater information that was just shared about Lucius Malfoy and Broderick Bode and Avery and Rookwood, right?

Andrew: Is it partly that Harry isn’t entirely sure that what he’s seeing is accurate? So maybe he doesn’t want to put out information that he’s not too sure of himself.

Laura: Yeah, but he’s naming Death Eaters who were in the graveyard.

Eric: Yeah, but that’s…

Andrew: But he was sure of that. He saw it with his own eyes.

Eric: Well, it’s almost like… I don’t think Harry is unsure about what he’s seeing now, but the graveyard story was his story to tell, and the guarding of the door story is Dumbledore’s story to tell, or somebody who’s in the Order. I think Harry would not scuttle the Order’s intentions by revealing information about their goings-on. It’s more of a security thing for protecting the Order by not saying anything? I don’t know. It sounds like, even though everything is 100% true that’s happened, releasing that kind of information about what Lucius Malfoy has been open to, and a poisoned plant or a killer plant sent to St. Mungo’s, sounds like the stuff that The Quibbler usually posts about, right?

Micah: Yeah, but it could be a nice follow-up to Harry’s story.

Eric: Harry should just be a regular columnist for…

Andrew: Yeah! He should launch a podcast. A TikTok.

Eric: “Here’s my tell-all story: How my grandfather’s Sleekeazy hair solution fortune has been put to use in my lifetime.”

Micah: Look, if nothing else, it would have put Voldemort on guard, and that connection between the two of them would have been shut down real fast.

Eric: Well, also, do we think, though, that the Ministry – who’s actively trying to pretend that this is not the case – if they read in the Prophet or in The Quibbler that everybody’s trying to get through this door, do you think that they would actually put up more protections around the Hall of Prophecy? The Department of Mysteries?

Micah: You would think, but…

Eric: You would hope.

Andrew: But maybe they wouldn’t announce that. They don’t want people to know they’re taking this seriously.

Laura: Right, because you don’t know how many others working at the Ministry are quietly pro-Voldemort…

Micah: Good point.

Laura: … and you don’t want to activate them and make them think, “Oh, there’s something that…”

Eric: “Oh, I can help this guy get in here.”

Laura: Yeah, exactly.

Eric: Yeah, you just don’t know where the security failures lie. We know the wand weigher Eric isn’t that good at his job because he just disappears later. But yeah, so I guess they don’t want to poke the bear, is the answer that question.


Odds & Ends


Andrew: Couple of odds and ends: I wanted to highlight, on the subject of Umbridge banning The Quibbler in Hogwarts, which in turn made everybody want to read it, there is a term for this type of event, and it’s called the Streisand effect in the Muggle world. And this is a phenomenon where an attempt to hide, remove, or censor information ends up unintentionally drawing more attention to it. It was named after singer and actress Barbra Streisand, who in 2003 tried to suppress a photo. She did that by suing a photographer and a website that had published this photo. Before the lawsuit, though, the photo had only been downloaded a few times, but after news of the lawsuit broke, it was viewed by hundreds of thousands of people because people were wondering, “Why does Barbra not want us to see this photo?” This is exactly what happened with The Quibbler and Umbridge trying to ban it.

Eric: Oh, man.

Andrew: Yeah, so I think Umbridge should have thought about that before adding that additional Educational Decree. And also, I just want to highlight this line when Harry is talking about Quidditch. The narrator says, “Though Harry would rather have jumped off the Astronomy Tower than admit it to [Hermione], by the time he had watched the game the following Saturday…” And it goes on. But it was interesting that the author said he would rather have jumped off the Astronomy Tower, when in the next book, Dumbledore is thrown off of it. When did she know that was going to be the way Dumbledore died? [laughs]

Eric: I think it’s just… it’s fun and feels lived in in the universe that everyone at Hogwarts knows, obviously, that the Astronomy Tower is the tallest tower at Hogwarts, so you just say that for emphasis. Like, “I’m going to jump off the Astronomy Tower.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Because it’s the most likely to kill you by virtue of being the tallest; you’d fall the furthest and hit the…

Andrew: Sure.

Eric: So that’s just a saying at Hogwarts. They say…

Andrew: [laughs] That’s just a saying at Hogwarts. Everybody says it at Hogwarts.

Eric: “I’d rather jump off the Astronomy Tower than get this parchment to Professor Snape again.”

Andrew: [laughs] All right.

Eric: That’s what I’m thinking.

Micah: One of the twins makes a similar joke. I forget which book it’s in.

Eric: Oh, you’re right.

Andrew: Oh, really? There’s also a line in here about “I’d rather kill myself.” I’m like, oh my God, I forgot about these suicidal comments.


Superlative of the Week


Eric: Okay, let’s get to our MVP segment. Because Trelawney is unfortunately, I guess, sacked, what was the best all-time…? Andrew’s got the glasses ready…

Andrew: [imitating Trelawney] “Ehh?”

Eric: What is the best all-time Trelawney moment before she was fired?

Andrew: [imitating Trelawney] “When 13 dine together, the first to rise will be the first to die!” From Prisoner of Azkaban. And I love this line because it’s great to look back on in hindsight, but also, you can use it in the real world. If you have a table of 13, you’re like, “Oh, you-know-what. The first person to rise is going to die.” This happened to me last year at Friendsgiving; it was a table of 13. I don’t want to say who was the first to rise because I don’t want to put that bad juju out there, but I was thinking about it.

Laura: Oh, so no one’s died yet.

Eric: But you’ve kept the receipts. You know who it was.

Andrew: Oh, yeah. Oh, I know, and I am keeping a watchful eye on them.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: You should warn that person. If it’s not you, you should warn that person. That’s the right thing to do.

Andrew: [laughs] I actually… I’ll admit, I was the first one to rise because I didn’t want anybody else to die. I’m taking one for the team.

Eric: Oh, man. That’s so…

Laura: Andrew, how are we supposed to do this podcast?

Andrew: I’ll send you some instructions.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: I’ll tell you what: If there’s no show in a couple of weeks from now, then you should grow concerned. Other than that…

Eric: Like on Memorial Day when we take off?

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, that’s what I was going for.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Well, Laura, what is a good Trelawney moment?

Laura: So honestly, what I will give her – I think she’s kind of iconic for this; it’s also kind of toxic – but just the fact that she’s built an entire career off something that she can’t do consciously. So she’s only ever made two prophecies in her entire life that we know of, and she doesn’t remember doing either of them, and she still kept the grift alive. So I’ll give it to her. Get your bag.

Micah: Just briefly, I actually did find the line about the Astronomy Tower.

Andrew: Oh.

Micah: It’s from Prisoner of Azkaban. It’s after Harry falls from the Dementor attack during the Quidditch match and he’s in the hospital wing, and Ron makes some comment, and George responds, “Yeah, come on, Ron. We’ll walk you off the Astronomy Tower and see how you come out looking.”

Andrew: Oh my gosh. [laughs]

Eric: I’m telling you, it’s just a saying that they say at Hogwarts!

Andrew: Okay. Wow.

Micah: Now, for my Trelawney moment, I was wondering, Andrew, would you do the honors?

Andrew: Of reading it?

Micah: Yes, in your best Trelawney voice.

Andrew: Yeah, let me put the glasses back on. [imitating Trelawney] “One does not parade the fact that one is All-Knowing. I frequently act as though I am not possessed of the Inner Eye, so as not to make others nervous.”

Micah: Thank you, Trelawney.

Andrew: [imitating Trelawney] “You’re welcome.”

Micah: This was from Prisoner of Azkaban when they’re eating over the holidays, and she’s going back and forth with McGonagall.

Andrew: Ahh.

Eric: Oh, right, right. Yes, the safer skeptic than Umbridge.

Micah: Who… look, time heals all wounds, right? McGonagall and Trelawney in this chapter.

Eric: Oh, BFFs, yeah. I mean, not really.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: But McGonagall doesn’t agree with the methods that Umbridge is employing; she can’t get behind it. So I want to give a shout-out to… I think the most iconic thing that Trelawney did happened in this chapter before she was let go, which is that after the Quibbler article came out, the very next lesson – as various teachers are being extra nice to Harry, giving a little extra points towards Gryffindor for little things, or winking at him – Trelawney, who has spent nothing but Harry’s every lesson of Divination predicting that he will die in some kind of horrible way, instead regales the classroom with how Harry will grow to an old age, become Minister for Magic, and have 12 kids. And that is an official unofficial prophecy.

Micah: Ahh, 12.

Andrew: 12! Ding, ding, ding.

Eric: So I think that’s really fun, but it’s her way of, again, passive resistance. So good for her fighting the good fight, and sorry that Umbridge tries to get rid of her.


Lynx Line


Eric: We’re going to go over to our Lynx Line, and this is certainly a fun one. This week we asked our patrons to… that they’ve just read Harry’s Quibbler tell-all article, and why don’t you write him some fan mail or some hate mail? Because Harry gets both in this chapter, to be delivered via owl post to the Great Hall at breakfast.

Andrew: Girishma wrote,

“Harry,

You don’t know me, and for now, it’s better that way. Just know this: I’m in Slytherin, and I read your interview in The Quibbler. I believe you. So do others, more than you’d think. Not all of us have Death Eater parents or buy into the lies the Ministry and the Prophet keep feeding us. Some of us are watching, listening, thinking for ourselves. What you said, it mattered. It gave people like me a reason to speak a little louder in quiet corners, to ask harder questions, to push back when we can. Change is slow here, but it’s starting. You are not alone, not even in the dungeons. Keep going. The truth has more allies than you realize. In the end, we’ll have to fight, and I promise I will be fighting alongside you. Keep your head up.

Best regards,
A Slytherin who’s had enough”

Andrew: This sounds like something out of Andor, the new Star Wars show.

Laura: Right?

Eric: First of all, Oscar to Andrew for his enunciation there.

Andrew: Aw, thanks.

Eric: And good timing. I think that was a really good read of that. And then also props… Oscar to Girishma for singlehandedly redeeming Slytherins.

Andrew: No, this was a great idea to take it from this angle. “I can’t say who I am, but there are many of us who believe you.”

Eric: That’s really cool. Well, Jennifer writes,

“Dear Harry,

I hope this letter finds you well. I wanted to take a moment to reach out to you after you bravely proclaimed that Voldemort has returned. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you to speak out, especially given the heavy weight of expectation that comes from being the Boy Who Lived. Your message serves as a rallying cry for everyone to remain vigilant. Thank you for being an unwavering symbol of hope and heroism. Stay strong and take care of yourself. We all believe in you, Harry!

With admiration,
JP”

Eric: That would’ve been good.

Andrew: Aww.

Micah: Rachel wrote in to say,

“Dear Mr. Potter,

Thank you for sharing your side of events. Your life has been in the papers since before you could walk, and I can’t imagine all the scrutiny. Hearing what truly happened in the maze, and graveyard – there was a graveyard?! – was horrific, and I feel like I’m questioning everything in the Daily Prophet. Is this what the Muggles across the pond who watch Fox News feel like?”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

“I’ve never seen it, but I hear it’s pretty skewed. Anyways, thank you for speaking up.

Sincerely,
A reader and supporter”

Laura: Love that. Next one comes from Mev, who is taking a more critical angle here.

Eric: Oh, good, because we said hate mail, so I’m glad for it.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, where’s the hate mail?

Eric: I was like, “Fan mail or hate mail!” Bless Mev.

Laura: “Dear Mr. Potter,

How dare you spin those lies about You-Know-Who coming back! Fill the minds of younglings with all those lies and scare them. My darling sweet pudding Margery is having nightmares because of your lies. Shame on you and Dumbledore. He should be ashamed of himself for letting you spin those lies. But I think that I should not at all be surprised; since you don’t have any parents, it’s obvious you seek attention that you did not get from them. They must be turning in their graves.

Yours sincerely,
Dorothy Hopsbridge”

Andrew: Wow.

Laura: So this person got a name!

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Mev, you went in.

Eric: Oh, man. I don’t think I’ll recover from that.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: And finally, Kyle said,

“Dear Mr. Potter,

I know many people think you’re a bit of a nutter, but I’d just like to say that the world needs nutters like you to balance us all out.”

[Everyone laughs]

“Otherwise we’d all be bound by the boring boundaries of truth and reason. I hope you and Dumbledore continue to stick it to the vampire Fudge and insist that You-Know-Who is back. Of course, we all know he never really died; he just retired and took over as a barman in Aberdeen.

Cheers from a longtime fan; please give my best to Stubby.
Doris Purkiss”

Eric: What I love about Kyle’s is I forget, but the people that are reading Harry’s article, especially in the first print run, are likely people that already subscribe to The Quibbler

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah.

Eric: … for its weird, wacky, and kooky articles about random stuff. And so the idea that some of the first people writing to Harry as a result of that would be these kooks… I love it.

Andrew: Yeah. Well, listeners, you can participate in the Lynx Line every week by becoming a patron at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. And if you have any feedback about today’s book club discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. And next week, Chapter by Chapter continues with Order of the Phoenix Chapter 27, “The Centaur and the Sneak.” Don’t forget to check out our other weekly podcast, What the Hype?! and Millennial, for more pop culture and real world talk from the four of us. What’s been happening on What the Hype?!

Laura: So on What the Hype?!, we are continuing to cover Season 2 of The Last of Us. Eric and I, as well as our friend Chelsea, are doing live reactions on Sunday nights at 10:30 p.m. Eastern, right after the episode. So if you’re watching The Last of Us, come join us if you want to gush about the episode after it’s over.

Eric: Micah, come join us.

Laura: We also just finished covering Season 5 of You, and we’re getting ready to get into some Gilmore Girls 25th anniversary coverage, so we got a lot going on over there.

Andrew: And over on Millennial, Laura and I did a listener mailbag episode catching up on confessionals and some other listener feedback, and did some reminiscing, actually, about the MuggleCast days – the early MuggleCast days, I should say – and burning the episodes on CDs and stuff like that.


Quizzitch


Andrew: All right, now it’s time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question: What prison was the site of the largest jail break in British history, when 38 inmates – members of the Irish Republican Army – overpowered guards with smuggled weapons and hijacked a food truck in the year 1983? The name of the prison was the Maze, and 25% of people who got the correct answer said they did not look it up, so that’s pretty good odds. This week’s winners were Buff Daddy; Christa; Dumbledore the Rizzful; Had a very nerdy wedding on May 2, will share photos…

Laura: Aw, Congrats.

Eric: Congrats! Huffle Pufferfish; Kissed by the Blarney Stone; Patronus Seeker; StrayKneazle; ThE sMaRtEsT wItCh Of HeR aGE; Through goes Hamilton; and Tofu Tom. All right, and here is next week’s Quizzitch question – Andrew, thanks for setting this up a bit earlier – in banning The Quibbler, Umbridge only raises more interest in it. The concept of banning something only to make it more popular is colloquially known as the Streisand effect, after actress Barbra Streisand sued a photographer for publishing a photo in 2003. The question is: What was the photo of? Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form located on the MuggleCast website. Go to MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or if you’re already on the site, click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: Thanks, everyone, for listening. Don’t forget to visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast to support us. We’d also appreciate a review in your favorite podcast app, and send an owl to a friend about the show if you think they would enjoy MuggleCast too. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: See y’all next week. Bye, everyone.

Laura: Bye.

Transcript #704

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #704, Keep Your Friends Close And Your Beetles Closer (OOTP Chapter 25, The Beetle at Bay)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: We’re your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books, the movies, the upcoming TV show, so make sure you follow this show in your favorite podcast app, and that way you will never miss an episode. And this week, we are puckering up and discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 25, “The Beetle at Bay.” And to help us with today’s discussion, we’re joined by MuggleCast listener and Slug Club patron, Katie. Welcome to the show, Katie.

Katie: Hi, thanks for having me!

Andrew: Yeah, our pleasure. Let’s get your fandom ID.

Katie: Absolutely. So I am a Ravenclaw; I am a Thunderbird; my favorite book is Prisoner of Azkaban; favorite movie is Sorcerer’s Stone; as far as my Patronus, I am a dolphin. And then the best place to go on a first date for me is going to be Hogsmeade still, and I want to go to Honeydukes and curate bags of sweets for each other, and then go find a spot to sit and exchange and just talk about and enjoy the sweets that we’ve picked.

Eric: Oh, that’s really romantic.

Andrew: That’s so cute!

Laura: Yeah, that’s very sweet.

Andrew: Take turns putting the sweets in each other’s mouths. Maybe that’s a little much for a first date.

[Katie laughs]

Eric: Be like, “Blood pops? Why do you think I’d like this? You have horrible taste! Ugh!”

Micah: Could’ve given Harry some tips there, too.

Eric: That’s true.

Andrew: Yeah. Well, it’s not too late; we have a whole chapter to discuss that. [laughs] Well, welcome again, Katie. And before we go any further, we want to take a moment to acknowledge that J.K. Rowling’s comments and actions regarding the trans community, including the things she continues to say on X, do not reflect the values of this podcast or the spirit in which we celebrate the wizarding world, and while we continue to love the world of Harry Potter, we stand firmly with trans people and believe in fostering a fandom that is inclusive, safe, and affirming for everyone. Trans rights are human rights, and we will always feel this way.

Eric: Yeah, five years ago on our show we discussed in depth the problematic rhetoric and our concern for manipulative tactics being deployed by Rowling in her early social media posts about trans people. Now, in response to April’s UK Supreme Court ruling clarifying the Equality Act does not consider trans women to have the same legal classification as granted to cis women, knowing that Rowling herself donated nearly $100,000 to the group that brought the lawsuit which pushed this issue, with Rowling publicly gloating over the decision afterward with a cigar while on her yacht in the Bahamas, it’s become necessary again for us to acknowledge that the assault on transgender people’s rights across the world is devastating, uninformed, and not okay, plus the types of legal reforms that are being made will actually make all women less safe. And Rowling herself has said and done some really alarming things, even about female athletes, picking fights with several of them recently, and it’s just all been deeply problematic.

Laura: We’re going to be saying more about Rowling and all of this in about a month from now; we have invited a guest on our show to discuss a new element in the discourse, and we’ll be discussing Rowling’s behavior a little more at that time. For now, we definitely encourage you all to check out organizations like Trans Lifeline, the Trevor Project, and GLAAD’s trans resources site for more information on how you can help protect trans people, and we will include links to these resources in the show notes.

Micah: And on a related note, Harry Potter TV’s newest Snape actor Paapa Essiedu is among 400+ signatories on an open letter to the UK film and TV industry on trans rights. The letter expresses solidarity for the trans, nonbinary, and intersex communities impacted by a recent UK Supreme Court ruling. The ruling and subsequent Equalities and Human Rights Commission guidance will see trans people excluded from many single-sex facilities, which have an impact across the industry, from sets to cinemas. The letter calls on industry bodies and cultural institutions to commit to protecting trans people within the industry and their respective organizations. The letter goes on to state:

“The Supreme Court’s ruling that, under the Equality Act, ‘woman’ is defined by biological sex, states that ‘the concept of sex is binary, a person is either a man or a woman.’ We believe the ruling undermines the lived reality and threatens the safety of trans, nonbinary, and intersex people living in the UK.”

Eric: Also signing that petition, Eddie Redmayne and Katie Leung.

Andrew: Well, like we said, we’ll have more to say on that in about a month from now. And changing gears: If you love MuggleCast and want to help us keep this show running smoother than a date with Harry Potter, visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and we’d really appreciate your support there. You’ll get instant access to twice monthly bonus MuggleCast episodes, ad-free episodes, a new physical gift every year, the chance to cohost the show one day like Katie is today, and a whole lot more. We cannot do this without you, and we appreciate you like Madam Puddifoot appreciates a good coffee. For more ways to support us and to learn more about the show, you can also visit MuggleCast.com.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: All right, now it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 25, “The Beetle at Bay.”

Eric: Which we last discussed on Episode 462 of MuggleCast, way back on April 21 of 2020. This clip we’re about to play also includes some cool ideas for dates for Harry and Cho.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 462.

Andrew: … which, yeah, those are big things on a first date.

Micah: Totally.

Andrew: Or a second or third.

Micah: Not just about thinking up some topics of conversation, but what exactly it is that they’re going to do when they go to Hogsmeade, because they seem lost.

Andrew: Yeah. Yeah, you need some plans.

Micah: Yeah, at least say, “Oh, you know what? You want to go to the Three Broomsticks? You want to go to…” any other place but Madam Puddifoot’s, honestly.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Because that’s where things just go off the rails.

Andrew: “Do you want to go ride Escape from Gringotts? What do you want to do?”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: “There’s all kinds of things we could do. We can get a butterbeer, some ice cream…”

Laura: You know, I…

Eric: Take a picture by the snowman…

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Andrew: Oh, we’ll never know what Laura thought. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah. Oh, well.

Eric: Well, you can! Just go back and listen to MuggleCast 462, titled “Kreacher and the Keys.”

Andrew: There you go. That was called a cliffhanger.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Laura: Jumping into this week’s discussion, I really wanted to set the tone for our discussion with this thought that Harry has, and I think it’s a thought that actually sets the tone for the rest of this chapter. So Katie, I was wondering if you could actually read this italicized excerpt here.

Katie: “He could not understand why his fellow students were not looking scared or at least discussing the terrible piece of news on the front page, but very few of them took the newspaper every day like Hermione. There they all were, talking about homework and Quidditch and who knew what other rubbish, and outside these walls ten more Death Eaters had swollen Voldemort’s ranks.”

Laura: So yeah, the trio and really the rest of the wizarding world are greeted with this horrifying news of a mass breakout from Azkaban, including people like Bellatrix Lestrange, including Antonin Dolohov, and we’ll talk about him maybe a little bit more later. But I felt like I resonated so much with this quote because I think at various points in life, depending on what was going on in the world and how much it personally affected us, it can feel weird to look around and see life continuing on as normal, as though this horrible thing isn’t going on. Maybe that’s a little too real for the time period that we live in right now, but…

[Eric laughs]

Micah: I was going to say, Laura, oh, the times in which we live.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Because the Ministry’s reaction to this mass breakout from Azkaban is reflective of real world examples of governments denying inconvenient truths, and we see this in the way that not only are they denying it, but they’re not allowing the Daily Prophet to do their due diligence in terms of reporting on what happened. It’s clear that the story that’s being put out there, especially as this chapter goes on, is not being believed by the general public.

Eric: Right.

Micah: They’re itching for more.

Katie: It’s something we’re seeing today, to your point. So we see the current press secretary blaming previous administrations and just trying to avoid accountability wherever possible.

Eric: It’s surprising how well that sort of thing works because I think people let it or want it to work. People still want to have a belief in government institutions being good; people want to believe that those in power are magnanimous, and sometimes that’s not the case, as we’ll see in these books and in real life.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: The business as usual point is interesting to me, too, because it kind of feels like something should be said to the student body at Hogwarts, like, “Hey, you might have heard this news.” Why isn’t there a bigger announcement being made? Is it because they are protected in Hogwarts? Is it just that simple?

Laura: I think it might have something to do with that new Educational Decree…

Andrew: Well, okay, yep.

Laura: … that we learn about a little bit here soon, basically saying professors cannot talk to students about things that are not directly related to their subject of expertise, which is why we see the professors all huddled around whispering to each other over breakfast, because they’re not allowed to.

Micah: I think it has a lot to do not just with the Educational Decree, but with the person who’s responsible for that Educational Decree. The fact that she is at Hogwarts, in and of itself, is a barrier to anybody saying anything, especially Dumbledore. Look at what Dumbledore shared at the end of last term; he had no problem telling all of the students that Voldemort was back. Now flash forward a little bit less than a year later, nobody is addressing the students on the fact that ten Death Eaters just broke out of Azkaban. I think that has everything to do with Umbridge.

Eric: Yeah, it does. And she was appointed to do educational reform; that was what it said in the Prophet, and on the surface, educational reform, wow, that sounds great. We’re going to make the tax dollars go further; we’re going to shape up the teachers. But this restriction, the latest restriction on “Teachers can’t say anything outside of strictly their subject matter,” is a perfect example of how that reform is actually a horrible thing. I mean, how many times have you learned something from one of your teachers that wasn’t their subject matter, but you learn through interaction or extracurricular activities or after class? Or if something comes up in class, they’re going to answer the question whether it pertains or not, and that’s just good teaching. That’s just being an educated person helping the uneducated people. And that’s all gone now. And so this control, this need for control that Umbridge is exercising over Hogwarts – which we’ll continue to see in this and the next chapter – is really just… it’s harmful in every way, and it’s not as… I already used the word magnanimous, but it’s not as healthy and helpful as it initially stated when she was given the role of High Inquisitor.

Katie: Well, the decree came out…

Laura: Yeah, well, that was never the intent. Go ahead, Katie.

Katie: The decree came out after the headline. So to me, when the headline first came out, there should have been a “You are safe, children. It is okay here.” It was clearly after the teachers had been doing that whispering at the breakfast table that she’s like, “People need to stop talking,” and she panicked and knee-jerk reaction put something out.

Andrew: And maybe she was afraid that Dumbledore was going to make a school-wide announcement, and she wanted to nip it in the bud.

Micah: But he wouldn’t look at Harry when he said it, though.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: No, no.

Katie: Anywhere but him.

Andrew: But luckily there’s a lot of kids to look at in the Great Hall, so it’s easy to avoid his beautiful eyes.

Micah: That’s true.

Laura: Right. Harry is definitely the one that is the most in danger, but don’t look at him; he might attack you.

Micah: The other thing about this is not only is there a lack of information, but the information that is being shared is actually being spun. Fudge is laying blame at the feet of Sirius for what’s happened, but in typical Fudge fashion – and we can look back over many books now, at this point – Fudge doesn’t have any evidence that Sirius is responsible.

Eric: And he’s deliberately buried evidence, too. The reason this Sirius Black scapegoat works is because Sirius is the only person known to have escaped from Azkaban. Wrong! Barty Crouch, Jr. also escaped from Azkaban – totally different way – and he was a Death Eater, but he can’t exactly testify as to that, because Fudge found a way to silence him permanently. And so this is all a game of selective facts, and the narrative that’s being pushed is just really skewed from what we know the truth to be.

Laura: Yeah. And later on when we are in the conversation, in the interview with Rita, I mean, she effectively says as much. She’s like, “Yeah, Fudge is putting his thumb on the scale over at the Prophet,” because it’s all based on the public temperament and the public’s tolerance for news about Voldemort, because nobody wants to believe that he’s back. So people would much rather their official sources of information pat them on the head and tell them, “It’s going to be okay; you don’t need to worry about that crazy stuff Dumbledore was saying.” So we’re clearly at kind of a breaking point, because as Micah called out earlier, we do start seeing the cracks in the facade of this approach, in terms of people starting to ask more questions and find the Prophet‘s account not fully satisfactory, not providing full, complete answers as to what happened.

Micah: Yeah, and this tactic in particular doesn’t seem like it’s very enforceable, this decree. How is she going to know? She cannot monitor every single conversation that’s happening throughout Hogwarts. So it is that fear tactic that you’re talking about, Laura, right? It’s the chance that Umbridge would find out about it that is scaring not only the students, but also the professors, because they likely, as we see in this chapter with Hagrid and Trelawney, have to be concerned for their jobs, and there’s no easier way to get fired than getting caught doing something against an Educational Decree.

Eric: Right. It’s essentially meant to dissuade and create this culture of information suppression and total control, because to actually legislate out what it is that’s going to… they’re having to do these blanket Educational Decrees, and it effectively renders the information at Hogwarts one-sided and completely arbitrary, but at the same time, they’d have to do a million Educational Decrees, which is ridiculous at this point; there’s probably already been, like, ten, and we know we got a lot more. But it’s because of this blatant power grab from the Ministry.

Katie: And every decree so far has clearly been rushed.

[Eric laughs]

Katie: They’re panicked responses. They are not well thought out. They are not looking ahead. They are just, “What’s my problem right now, and how can I regain control of this situation?” And there’s no afterthought.

Eric: And they’re a matter of public record too, we know, because this is the UK government. This is the Ministry of Magic government that’s passing these decrees. Because I think we said when this first started, the first such decree was establishing something in Hogwarts, so it’s essentially going back to the beginning of the government looking over Hogwarts. The people, the public that are reading this, if they’re not distracted by the huge mass breakout from Azkaban and people being killed in hospitals and all this other stuff, I think they’d be able to see a pretty clear picture of how the Ministry is trying, and kind of honestly losing, at suppressing the truth.

Andrew: This talk about it being a rushed and panicked response actually reminds me of executive orders by a US President. It’s like, “Oh, let’s just throw everything at the wall and see what sticks,” and a lot of this actually isn’t going to hold up in court. Similarly, Umbridge can put together an Educational Decree that says the professors can’t talk to the students about anything outside of their expertise, but how is that going to be enforced? Like we were just talking about. My only guess with enforcement concerning this decree is she might be working with other Slytherins to help her out. I think some kids, including Draco, would get a kick out of that.

Micah: Snitches.

Katie: We see it eventually.

Laura: Right. That’s right, Katie, we get the Inquisitorial Squad, and it’s very clear that Umbridge is using them as her minions, her little birds, if you will. [laughs] And yeah, I think they would delight in eavesdropping on people and ratting them out for doing things that are wrong.

Katie: Well, and Lee Jordan even calls out how ridiculous it is when he challenges her in her class about, “Well, you can’t punish us for playing Exploding Snap. That’s not part of this class.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: Right!

Katie: And he gets detention for it. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, and then he’s the one who needs the Murtlap essence at that point.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Augh. You know what, though? I think that people oftentimes criticize the Order of the Phoenix movie for having so many students being sent to Umbridge and all rubbing their hands, but here’s an example of her using Harry’s punishment on other students, so it is in the book.

Laura: She definitely does, yeah. But I will say that all of this does spur the DA to work even harder, to the point where Neville is kind of the new top student in the DA. As a matter of fact, Harry notes that only Hermione exceeds his prowess at this point with learning various jinxes and stuns, and I think that we have a Neville Gets Swole Spotify playlist that we made a few years ago?

Eric: Yes! Yes.

Laura: Is that true, Eric? [laughs]

Eric: It’s true, and it’s still up there; I checked the MuggleCast account. We’ll link to it in the show notes for sure, but we had a Neville, essentially, like, gym playlist when he’s putting his head down. We all collaborated on it, so you can kind of tell which host contributed what artist.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But yeah, it’s a lot of fun, and I was reminded listening back to 462 that we had some fun there, so definitely check out that Neville Gets Swole playlist.

Andrew: There’s 148 songs on it, so you will be entertained for a while. For nine hours and three minutes, to be exact.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Katie: That’s a hell of a workout.

Laura: Look at us. Yeah, we’re just pumping out content with this.

Andrew: Oh, pump. Swole.

Micah: I was going to say, I’m going to listen to it on my flight to LA next week.

Andrew: I think a lot of Neville’s motivation here is coming from what the trio just saw, that his parents are going through. And also knowing that these people who seriously, seriously harmed his parents are now out in the open again, broke out of Azkaban, that’s motivating him to become a better wizard and to finally exact revenge on them.

Laura: Totally. But it is an interesting dynamic shift that we see because of this article. It does specifically call out the crimes of each of these ten Death Eaters, and for Bellatrix, it specifically calls out the torture and incapacitation of Frank and Alice Longbottom, and it’s very clear that Harry is the only one of their friend group who knew about it, and he was a good friend so he didn’t share the news, but Ron and Hermione are shocked by this because they had no idea. And there are other Hogwarts students who are getting a lot more attention right now because their families were also affected by these particular Death Eaters, right, Katie?

Katie: Yeah, Susan Bones even comes up to him in Herbology; it’s like, “I can’t imagine this is what you’re going through. This is terrible.” And she’s just one person whose relative family was affected by this, but it also makes me wonder… we see Neville glow up in the DA, but has anyone checked in on him and the attention that he’s getting out of this?

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: It’s a good question. It is nice to see, though, that Susan is acknowledging and understanding what Harry is currently going through, though, because through much of this book so far, not many people have been on Harry’s side. So between the Prophet reporting and comments like this from Susan, it’s like, “All right, the wind is changing.”

Katie: I agree. It’s nice to see somebody come in quietly and show some sort of support or just acknowledgement of what Harry is going through, versus… was it Ernie who was like, “I stand by you, me and my…”? Like it was a show. And now it’s a more subtle, like, “I feel you on this now.”

Andrew: More meaningful, yeah.

Laura: Right. More authentic, less performative. Well, Hermione has one of her patented eureka moments.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: She is very frustrated reading this article from the Daily Prophet, because she’s like, “If only we could get word out somewhere where people could read a different point of view than this,” and she’s like, “Aha! I have a great idea that I can’t tell you about, but I’ll be back later.” And so she dips out here, saying that she’s “the only one who can,” right? So Hermione has something up her sleeve, and she believes that she is the only one who can. She is, because she’s blackmailing Rita Skeeter. So this next part of the conversation is going to be pretty fun.

Eric: She’s singlehandedly changing the course of wizarding history. It’s easy to overlook; this is just a chapter in a book, and a thing that happens. So much is happening in this book. But if you really think about it, this really turns the tide by presenting the real story, but the alternative to all the fictitious stuff that’s being put out by the news. Hermione’s inkling here that what people need is to be able to be told this account, and then they’ll be on even enough footing to make the decision for themselves, is really brilliant, and I don’t think she gets enough credit for it. She is the only one that could do this, and through doing it, she shapes the future. I think that this in no small way leads to so much of the resistance and the people being actually aware and starting to be able to prepare for a world in which Voldemort is back.

Micah: And it also shows her ability to exploit certain things and certain people. We see her do it with Rita in this chapter, but also I’m thinking about The Quibbler, the publication that she was so apt to dismiss earlier on in this book. She’s using it basically as a tool to her own end.

Eric: Is exploit the right term?

Micah: She takes advantage of it.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: I mean, they have the highest sales month. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, so it works out for them.

Micah: Well, I don’t know how many alternatives there are.

Laura: Right.

Micah: But Luna probably doesn’t really care all that much at the end of the day what Hermione thought earlier on in this book, but I do think she’s making the most of the situation.

Eric: I do think it’s important to point out, as you did, that Hermione really doesn’t care a lot about The Quibbler. And she’s got leverage on Rita; this is how she’s using it.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: It’s a place where she can get this interview out to a mass audience, and that type of opportunity isn’t all that common, I guess, and she sees it as the best solution.

Micah: Yeah. I mean, I guess “exploit” has a negative connotation to it, but so does blackmail, and we seem to be okay with that.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: We’ve discussed before; Hermione has got a bit of a bad side…

Laura and Micah: She does.

Andrew: … so if you want to call it exploitation, that’s okay.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, she’s straight up blackmailing Rita. She’s like, “If you don’t do this for free, I’m going to rat you out for being an unregistered Animagus.” [laughs]

Andrew: She deserves it.

Eric: Well, she broke the law. And the other thing is that the byline – Rita Skeeter, by Rita Skeeter – it shouldn’t, but it does lend credibility to whatever story comes after it, because people are familiar. People love a celebrity. People have read that name in the paper, and if it’s in the paper, it’s got to be real, so Rita Skeeter inadvertently being forced to write this does go a ways to people believing it.

Laura: Unfortunately, Harry is about to receive some more bad news after Hermione leaves he and Ron in the Great Hall, and it’s that Hagrid has been put on probation. So not a surprise, but still a bummer. And to be honest, it really seems like the trio are the only three to be upset about this at all, little bit. Yeah, Katie?

Katie: It surprised me because earlier they were all defending him. When he returned, Fred and George were running up to him, even; people were excited to see him and excited for him to be back. And now it’s just silence, so it’s just… why silence now? I mean, it’s not shocking, like you said, but it’s like, you loved this teacher, allegedly, but were silent now.

Micah: How public is it, though? I mean, Harry knows because Hagrid shared it, but who else knows? Is that something that is outwardly communicated by Umbridge to let students know that a teacher is on probation?

Katie: I think it’s said that the news had spread. The news was slowly spreading.

Laura: Yeah. I think it’s one of those things, like in a school environment…

Micah: Gossip.

Laura: … or a work environment, [censored] like this gets out.

Katie: Well, and Umbridge starts joining all the classes.

Andrew: Right.

Katie: She’s showing up. It was mentioned that she’s in every single one…

Laura: That’s right.

Katie: … of the Care of Magical Creatures and Divination classes, which, how does she have time for that?

Eric: She works in the Ministry where the Time-Turners are.

[Katie and Micah laugh]

Andrew: But I think that’s part of the reason why maybe students don’t see it as big of a deal as the trio might, because he’s still teaching. Yeah, Humbridge… [laughs] Humbridge. Umbridge is breathing down his back, but he’s still there. And I also think that the student body is slowly but surely just growing used to Umbridge’s presence and what she’s doing at the school. There’s no stopping it. She clearly is in control.

Eric: It’s crazy, yeah. It’s been normalized, her presence there, and everything that she’s doing to bully and subjugate the students. People are used to it. It’s not as shocking as it would have been on day one.

Katie: Silence supports the oppressor.

Micah: My question about this, though, is: Is she in every Care of Magical Creatures and Divination class, or is she in every one of Harry’s Care of Magical Creature and Divination class?

Eric: Ahh.

Katie: I was wondering that, too, because I was thinking about the math on that. We can think there’s six grade levels that are in all those classes, plus NEWTs, and we can assume that there’s two per year, because we talk about Potions with the Slytherins; Hufflepuffs are in Herbology. So are there two classes per year? Times six years; that’s 24 classes for just those two. How is she doing that plus her DADA teaching? Doesn’t add up.

Micah: Well, she doesn’t teach.

[Katie laughs]

Eric: Yeah. Well, right. I like the idea that it’s just Harry’s classes.

Micah: Right, because then she’s also able to watch… that would make sense; it serves a double purpose.

Eric: Yeah, I never thought about that. I always thought it was just absolutely nuts… 20 something classes and that. But yeah, it’s probably just Harry’s.

Laura: Yeah. I like the idea of her trying to kill two birds with one stone by doing that. Moving on, we talked a little bit about Neville and his glow-up in the DA; unfortunately, Harry is not having the same experience with Occlumency. He’s continuing to really struggle in that space; it seems like his lessons with Snape are making things worse, not better. Harry is noticing more occasions where he’s feeling an emotion that is not his own, and more dreams about the Department of Mysteries. His scar almost always hurts, too. And Hermione opines at one point that maybe this is like a fever and it just needs to get worse before it gets better. Ron, of course, is immediately like, “Nope, Snape is trying to kill you. You should stop doing these lessons.” But I found myself thinking about the fever breaking excuse, and that could make a certain amount of sense, but if that’s the expectation, that would be a good thing for Harry to know, right? Why couldn’t anyone have told him that?

Katie: This is a solid question.

Micah: It all goes back to what we were talking about last week with Snape’s inability to handle this whole situation with any sort of care at all. And to your point, Laura, I do think that if it’s one of those things where it’s got to get worse before it gets better, Harry should know that, and it doesn’t seem like there’s any kind of soft touch that’s coming from Snape. But I do think that there is something to what Ron is saying, and I don’t think that he should be – at least at this point in the story – so easily dismissed by Hermione. What better way for Snape as this double agent to show loyalty to Voldemort than by keeping Harry in such a state where he would be easily manipulated? We don’t know what information he’s sharing with Voldemort at this point, but clearly Harry is in a extremely weakened state by this whole process. And Snape is a double agent; he’s got to play both sides. He’s got to be giving Dumbledore some, giving Voldemort some.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Otherwise Voldemort wouldn’t be willing to trust him as much as he does.

Eric: The first book, the tasks leading to the Sorcerer’s Stone retrieval, really painted Ron as the strategizer, but this is Hermione’s chapter for strategizing, getting Rita Skeeter to the table, etc., etc. Ron – bless him – he is thinking strategically still. This is something that you would think, that Snape would have now a huge… a weapon of his own in a weakened Harry, so I appreciate that Ron is still thinking about this. I just don’t think he’s ever been shut down faster by Hermione.

Katie: Hermione was straight-up mean. She was mean.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Katie: “Shut up, Ron.” That’s just mean.

Eric: Aww.

Laura: Yeah, it’s unnecessary.

Andrew: Well, but it’s interesting hearing Hermione say “We need to trust Dumbledore,” but then none of them are like, “Yeah, you know what? That’s a good point, me,” or “That’s a good point, Hermione.”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: And I think there’s a lot left unsaid here, because the scene actually ends on this moment, and no one’s like, “Yeah, we do need to trust Dumbledore.” I think they’re kind of questioning whether they can trust Dumbledore or not, because nobody’s willing to speak that out into the air other than Hermione saying, “We got it. We should.”

Katie: If only he was around to answer questions.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Yep.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, the line we always get is “Dumbledore trusts Snape. We trust Dumbledore.” And that’s by association, right? That’s where the trust is coming from. But when has Dumbledore proven himself to be trustworthy up until this point, with everything that Harry has been through, and with everything that Harry is going through in this book? Besides him showing up for the trial.

Eric: You know that only trustworthy people are on Chocolate Frog Cards, right?

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: There’s some paperwork, and you have to prove you’re trustworthy before you get printed on that card.

Eric: You’re honored, yeah.

Katie: Well, and the response is always, “Well, has he ever led you wrong?” It’s like, “Well, he’s not led me straight either. It’s always a little curvy.”

[Andrew laugh]

Eric: It’s very curvy. And what Hermione says about shutting Ron down is, “How many times have you suspected Snape, and how many times has that proven to be a waste of time? Stop wasting time, Ronald.” And it’s like, well, we still don’t have many answers to him, and we know from having just read the Occlumency chapter that Snape is hiding a very longing passion for Harry’s mom, so there could be so much more to Snape. There is so much more to Snape that is being hidden and it’s being pulled over your eyes, and so it’s very reasonable, I think, at this stage, that Snape could still be one of the bad ones.

Laura: Yeah. You know what I was also thinking about during this moment? I was thinking about how surprised I am that in the next book, when the big “Snape kills Dumbledore” reveal happens…

Katie: What?!

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Oh no! [laughs] But I’m kind of surprised Ron doesn’t throw this in Hermione’s face at that point to be like, “Yeah, remember last year when I told you that he was weakening Harry? Looks like I was right.” And he wasn’t, but still.

Andrew: He probably forgot.

[Laura laughs]

Katie: Poor Ron. No, I bet he brings it up in their marital spats later. “Hey, remember that time in school?”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Oh, that’s hilarious.

Katie: “I was right.”

Andrew: During the vows.

Laura: That actually sounds right.

[Katie laughs]

Eric: Well, and not only that, but eventually when we learn that Snape is the one who told Voldemort about Lily and James and the prophecy – which we can’t know that now, because we don’t know about the prophecy yet – but there are many reasons yet to be found out why you can and should still suspect Snape of some wrongdoing.

Laura: I don’t think Harry envisioned that he would be partially spending Valentine’s Day with Rita Skeeter, but here we have it in this next part of the chapter. [laughs] So while Harry has all of this mess going on in his personal life and in the world politically, with Voldemort, at school, Valentine’s Day also sneaks up on him, and of course, he had previously asked Cho to go with him to Hogsmeade on Valentine’s Day, after she laid some very not-so-subtle hints, and he finally picked up on it and asked her. But I’ve got to say, for his big first date with Cho, I don’t think Harry or Cho were really set up for success here, and maybe we can start that conversation with Madam Puddifoot’s, the date location that Cho picks. It’s funny because when you read back over this, it’s clear that she’s trying to make it seem like a spontaneous recommendation and like that wasn’t where she always was trying to lead Harry the whole time.

Andrew: Aww.

Laura: But actually, that was directly where she was trying to get him for a romantic Valentine’s Day date, and we know this because she mentions that she used to come here with Cedric. So this is… it’s very rough. And on top of it all, Madam Puddifoot’s is the most un-Harry place for a date.

Andrew: Yeah, but that’s life, man. It’s time to level up and go to a nice place for your first date. And this is on Valentine’s Day; I think it’s a great idea for their first date spot. Cho is also very excited by the fact that Madam Puddifoot has decorated for Valentine’s Day; she makes a note of how charming that is. I really don’t see anything wrong with this. No matter where they went on Valentine’s Day, there’s probably going to be couples holding hands, because it’s Valentine’s Day. Maybe don’t do your first date on Valentine’s Day if you don’t want to be surrounded by love in the air.

Laura: Yeah. That’s a lot of pressure.

Eric: I’ve been to restaurants on Valentine’s Day where everyone in there is couples celebrating Valentine’s Day, and it’s not as oppressive, everyone crunched in, sitting on top of each other as Madam Puddifoot’s is. And so there’s really no privacy. It’s okay to be somewhere in a group on Valentine’s Day with your significant other, but in order for that to be appealing, you should already be a thing together. You know what I’m saying? If Harry and Cho had already been dating for a while, then this place is kind of okay. As a first date, though, not today. It’s clearly for people who are already at the snogging stage, and people who are real nosy, and it’s just not great.

Andrew: But what would be the equivalent of that in the Muggle world, where it’s normal for people to be kissing each other in a coffee shop? I don’t think there is anything. And so my point is just that I don’t think these people are there to kiss; I think it’s just Valentine’s Day.

Laura: Well…

Micah: But this is… oh, go ahead, Laura.

Laura: I was just going to say we have to remember, I think, a lot of people in Madam Puddifoot’s are teenagers, right? They’re all Hogwarts students. And I definitely remember being a teenager; it was way more common for people in that age bracket to do stuff like that, to make out at the movie theater, or to make out at the coffee shop or whatever. It’s obviously tacky, and I think we all know that now as adults, but when you’re 15 and your hormones are flying, I think it’s pretty natural. But the thing is, Harry, he’s clearly not in a place where he’s ready for this with Cho, but he feels a lot of pressure because of the environment that they’re in.

Katie: I think the environment was kind of funny. And it was such a quick moment, but one of the things that made me laugh the most is when he’s looking around and he looks up and one of the cherubs just drops glitter in his face.

[Everyone laughs]

Katie: I want to see that on the show. Just like, “Glitter! Glitter bomb!”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Honestly, that would be a great “Max that” moment for sure. It definitely adds some levity to it, even though Harry is really uncomfortable.

Katie: The whole time he’s uncomfortable, being like, “Cho, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Why are you crying?”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Katie: Just, “Get it off of me.” [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah. I maybe should take back what I said, because I had no experience dating when I was Harry’s age. The only romance I was having was romance in The Sims video game. I did not have any experiences like this. I defer to…

Micah: That’s legit.

Laura: Oh, so your Sims didn’t make out at the coffee shop?

Andrew: Oh, I made my Sims make out, but that’s not reflective of the real world. I’ve got to keep that in mind.

Laura: [laughs] Ah, okay.

Micah: But Laura, what I was going to say earlier is pretty similar. I feel like Madam Puddifoot’s, at least in this particular instance, is an extension of Hogwarts, and so yeah, you’re going to see – especially on a day like this – couples holding hands, snogging, doing all of those things, because that’s what you see in middle schools and high schools around at least the US; I’m sure that’s true in other places of the world as well. But I do think in classic teenage boy fashion, Harry didn’t do any prep for this date, and I understand he had a lot of time, but I’m just going to say he’s had a lot on his plate. He’s got this greasy-haired Potions professor screwing with his head, messing up his mind every single week, multiple times a week. So I give him a little bit of a pass here.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Katie: I don’t.

Laura: [laughs] Go off, Katie.

Katie: You have a month and a half. You’re in DA meetings with Cho. Ask her. “Hey, what do you want to do on our date? What do you want to do when we’re in town?” I also think he forgets he has other friends other than Hermione and Ron. Ask Fred and George; they know the town. “Is there a cool spot that I could take her? Do you know anywhere neat?” Any of the Chasers on the Quidditch team. He has other friends. Ask people.

Eric: Yeah, that’s actually a good point. If he were an active participant in this budding relationship, he would have taken the time, or found the time to ask those types of questions.

Micah: I don’t think he’s ready for a girlfriend at this point in his life.

Eric: Apparently not.

Katie: Clearly. [laughs]

Laura: No.

Micah: I’m serious. [laughs] I think this would have worked out maybe a little bit better in Goblet of Fire if Cedric wasn’t there, but where he’s at currently in Order of the Phoenix, there’s too much other stuff going on, and she’s not a priority, clearly.

Eric: Well, I also think she’s not ready for the relationship, because this comes off as very… it’s trying to do two things at once. She brings Harry to this very obviously intimate romantic place on Valentine’s Day, which is meant to be a good first date spot where they can get to know each other better, but her stated intention at some point is to talk about Cedric, and that is not just a buzzkill, but that’s not the kind of thing you would talk about when you want to be romantic with somebody; it’s when you want to talk about your trauma. And there needs to be that conversation before you can start dating, so that should have been somewhere else. That should have happened somewhere else.

Katie: Agreed.

Laura: Yeah, I agree. But also, I mean, they’re both traumatized and both really young, and we know Harry sure as hell has not had any real support for his grief and the hit that his mental health has taken in the last year. And it’s probably safe to assume that Cho feels pretty alone in that, too, and I think that’s probably the reason she fixates on Harry so much, because he’s the only one who can share the experience of losing Cedric with her. So maybe she doesn’t even know… maybe she thinks that she has a romantic interest in him, but maybe it has more to do with Cedric than she’s fully realized.

Eric: I think that’s probably right. It’s just that because this is such a miss – the very last person Harry wants to think about or talk about right now is Cedric – he comes away from this experience resenting Cho, and that’s not great, right? That’s not something you want to see. He very comically leaves the shop and is like, “Women!”

[Andrew and Katie laugh]

Laura: Yes, because he knows so much about women, and he has so many experiences to compare this to. I was like, “Okay, Harry. Calm down. You’re fine.” Harry’s awkward date with Cho does come to an end when he reveals to her, very stupidly, that he wants to go meet up with Hermione before he and Cho have really had a chance to settle into their date, and Cho very clearly makes some assumptions about what that means and what Hermione must be to Harry and vice versa. So Harry storms out, curses all women everywhere because he’s frustrated at Cho, and finds himself at the Three Broomsticks, meeting up with Hermione as well as Rita Skeeter and Luna Lovegood. What a trio. Who would have imagined these three coming together? And Hermione introduces the idea that Rita’s interview of Harry that she’s about to do is going to be published in The Quibbler, hence Luna’s presence. And as we said before, Rita doesn’t really have any choice in the matter, because Hermione is blackmailing her. Again, I love when Hermione goes on these justice streaks. I think they’re very, very entertaining.

Micah: Well, I mean, she did keep a woman trapped in a jar for several months.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Like, that’s borderline psychotic.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah!

Micah: We were just doing an episode on What the Hype?! about You. I mean, it’s no different than keeping somebody in a cage in the bottom of a bookstore, right?

Laura: True.

Andrew: Keep your friends close, keep your enemies…

Micah: In a jar.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Very close, in a jar. Next to your bed.

Laura: To be fair, Rita was bullying Hermione and her friends.

Micah: Okay? [laughs] So does Draco.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Don’t get on Laura’s bad side.

Eric: Well, it’s an insane overreach.

Katie: That’s how you survive school, is blackmail your bullies.

Andrew: Hey, we were talking earlier about Hermione being a little batty.

Laura: She is!

Andrew: I like it. I like that she’s trapped in the jar; I like she’s kind of disheveled in this scene and having to bend to Hermione’s wills. I’m surprised Rita was able to show up to this, because I would have thought she had a date for Valentine’s Day.

Laura: Really?

Katie: Not looking the way she looks.

Andrew: [laughs] Not Fudge? She loves Fudge.

Micah: Who did we pair her with? Ludo Bagman?

Andrew: Oh, I can see that. Yeah.

Micah: We talked about that, I think, when we did Goblet of Fire.

Eric: I think you’re right.

Laura: But yeah, to your point, Katie, I don’t think that Rita would consider herself to be Valentine’s Day ready, because she’s clearly not doing so well. And typically, we’re used to seeing her a lot more put together in her way, whereas here we have chipped nail polish and missing jewels on her long talon-like nails, and her hair is hanging limp around her face. So yeah, I think that’s why there were no Valentine’s Day plans, Andrew.

Andrew: I think also because Lockhart had his memory erased, and if he was still with it, those two definitely would have become a couple. They’re both very full on themselves. PR power couple.

Katie: She could totally be his ghost writer.

Andrew: Yeah! Maybe she was.

Micah: Oooh. Declare that canon.

[Andrew and Katie laugh]

[“I declare canon!” sound effect plays with thunder]

Laura: But Katie, you asked an interesting question here about Hermione’s plan.

Katie: Yeah, I wondered why she didn’t share it sooner. She waits till she gets a response and then just spurs it on Harry in the last minute in a very public place. And maybe it’s a lesson of learning not to use the Hog’s Head and to go somewhere more public this time, but I also wondered about… you’re asking this person to relive their trauma in this very public place. It’s not just a secret meeting to plan something, but “Please deep dive into this very terrible experience so we can document it.”

Eric: Well, he’s got nothing better to do on Valentine’s Day. [laughs]

Micah: I was going to say, that’s part of it.

Katie: And in this conversation… Cho just asked him to do the same thing, almost!

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Micah: That’s a great point.

Katie: He told Cho no, but Rita? Sure. For the greater good.

Micah: Do we blame Hermione at all, though, for what happens with Harry and Cho, maybe indirectly?

Katie and Laura: No.

Eric: She’s looking for something to be genuinely mad at Harry about, and this jealousy came out of nowhere. I don’t think Harry could rightly have guessed that Cho would be jealous of Hermione, because when he realizes that that’s what’s going on, he’s highly amused and is like, “I don’t think about Hermione like that!”

Micah: Well, that was the wrong reaction.

Andrew: When the date is going bad, though, Cho is going to look for reasons to get mad at Hermione for this invite, and I think Harry could have anticipated that.

Katie: I think it’s another character avoiding accountability. It can’t possibly be Cho’s fault that the date went south; it’s Hermione’s.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: The thing is…

Micah: If Hermione knows Harry is going on a date, though, and she knows it’s his first date with Cho, why is she asking him to meet at all?

Andrew: Right. Give him space.

Laura: Well, because this is when Rita is available.

Katie: What else is she doing? [laughs]

Eric: The only way this happens is if Umbridge is not around, so it needs to be during a Hogsmeade weekend.

Micah: That’s true.

Eric: Could have been tomorrow. I think that the key moment here, whether Hermione did anything wrong, is when she sees Harry, she says, “Harry, I wasn’t expecting you for another hour,” and so she really was going to give Harry all the time he needed to wrap up his date with Cho. I mean, I think as a first date, I don’t think it’s likely to last eight or ten hours unless they really hit it off.

Andrew: No.

Micah: Well, they walked down together. You’d expect them to walk back to the castle together, no?

Andrew: Snog… snog some more…

Eric: Well, Cho could come along. I think maybe Hermione even intimated that…

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. She does offer that.

Katie: Cho would have loved to have heard it. She was trying to hear it at Puddifoot’s.

Eric: Well, that’s the thing, yeah; Cho has maybe isolated herself from the riches here. But the other thing I’m thinking about regarding Rita is that she’s looking a bit off, as we said; she’s also, I think, awaiting redemption. It can’t be good for Hermione to have this leverage on her. I would say that that’s probably contributed to a worsening mental state. Also, Hermione is the reason she quit her job at the Daily Prophet; I think Hermione forced that to happen at the end of the last… so Rita is not relevant anymore. And I think that’s probably one of the main reasons why she was doing what she did so maliciously, is she got high off of being relevant and Miss Thing. Now making Rita do this, she inevitably is giving Rita the chance to be relevant again, also, and to do something I think even Rita would understand matters. Even though Rita’s politics are kind of with the side that she was mostly on, and she’s been fine with Fudge leaning on the paper, I’d like to believe that after she finishes with this story and writes it, she will realize that she’s actually done an important thing.

Micah: But it’s okay that Hermione tears her down, as long as she’s going to build her back up through this opportunity? Because through her physical appearance… I just wanted to bring that up for a second, because yes, we know that she was in the jar, but she was released from the jar at the end of Goblet of Fire once they got back to London.

Katie: Allegedly. [laughs]

Micah: Okay, allegedly. Eric, though, going off of what you said, she was given the direction by Hermione not to continue to write the stories that she had been writing the year prior and presumably throughout her entire career, so it’s almost like Hermione has taken the life out of her, and I think that’s why we see her appear the way she does. She’s not presumably working. She’s fallen on hard times because of the situation that she’s put her in.

Eric: Oh my God, Hermione crippled her financially.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah.

Laura: Right.

Micah: Presumably.

Eric: I mean, Rita abused her power. She abused the role that she had in the last book pretty egregiously. I’m not saying Hermione was right to do…

Micah: Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Eric: Yeah, it’s true. It’s true.

Laura: No, not at all. But I think Hermione had told her she had to put her pen down for one year; that’s resonating with me. And the other thing, too, is Rita’s appearance to me really just reads of economic woes. No one’s going to be able to afford to keep up with their nail habit or getting their hair perfectly set as frequently as she probably was before. Rita messed around and she found out. I’m not saying it’s totally okay what happened to her, but actions have consequences. That’s all I’m saying.

Eric: At any point Rita could go back to work, and it’s just that Hermione would tell everyone that she broke the law by becoming an Animagus. Who knows? Rita in her position…

Laura: And would people care?

Eric: I think people that were scooped and they didn’t know how Rita did it would be pretty pissed.

Laura: Yeah, that’s true.

Katie: If there weren’t other headlines competing? Then yeah, I think people might care. But there’s some pretty big headlines that that would go up against.

Andrew: Getting back to a point from a couple of minutes ago, I do think Rita might be willing to turn a new leaf here and actually do some good in the world. She says to Harry – and I think this is the end of the chapter – she says, “Are you ready to tell the world the truth?” That’s a lot for somebody like Rita to say. And I know her back’s against the wall when it comes to Hermione, but I feel like that’s a big moment for her, and maybe when she has this experience, she’ll be like, “Oh, wow, it actually feels good to tell the truth and make a difference in the world? Even if it’s through the damn Quibbler?” I’m optimistic that she turns a new leaf. Also, I was wondering, okay, so Hermione wasn’t expecting Harry to show up for another hour at least, so Hermione, Rita, and Luna are all sitting there? What are they talking about for an hour? And then what came to mind to me was this TikTok sound. Have you all heard this?

TikTok clip: Hey, hey… how y’all doin’?

Andrew: Just this for an hour.

[Katie and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Awkward. Awkward.

Eric: Well, they can’t have been there long or whatever so far. But if you notice how they each have a cocktail… and you know there’s alcohol in this, based on the description.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: One of them’s got a little umbrella.

Andrew: If I’m Rita, I’m having a drink for sure.

Eric: Rita is swigging from hers, yeah.

Andrew: “It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m single again? Ugh.”

Eric: Everyone’s drinking here.

Laura: [laughs] “It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m being extorted by a teenager.”

[Andrew laughs]

Katie: Did Hermione at least buy her drink?

Eric: Oh, maybe.

Laura: Probably not.

Micah: I would hope so.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, Rita probably can’t afford it.

Katie: It also just shows how important Hermione knows this is, to be sitting with two people that she doesn’t think very highly of – at least lately we haven’t heard her opinion of Luna and if it’s changed, but from previous interactions, she hasn’t thought much of her – and to be sitting there willingly just shows how important Hermione recognizes this is.

Eric: This is why Luna is great. She’s just vibing.

Katie: [laughs] “I have nowhere else to be.”

Eric: She’s absolutely… yeah, she’s just having a good time, seeing where the wind blows.

Laura: Yeah. Well, again, this was a whole scene that actually happens offscreen. We don’t see the Rita interview of Harry. We end up hearing about it after the fact via The Quibbler, but this is something that we recently talked about on bonus MuggleCast as wanting to see actually portrayed in the show. Show us the interview. I think that’s a lot more visually interesting from a TV standpoint than yet another newspaper montage.

Katie: I think it would also…

Andrew: “A 2020 exclusive: Harry Potter. Rita Skeeter. The truth. Tonight at 9:00 p.m. eastern on ABC.”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Sorry. Go ahead, Katie.

Katie: Showing that interview would actually be a really great storytelling method to remind to the viewers what happened, because it’s been half of a season, potentially, at that point, since we saw what happened in the graveyard. So to remind the viewers, hear the names that you might have forgotten about; here’s those details you might have forgotten about that are really important. I think it could be a great way for them to rehash that without doing flashbacks or montages.

Laura: I agree.

Andrew: And seeing Harry kind of relive some of this would be interesting, and watch him get this truth out on a large platform, I think, would be a wonderful character moment, an acting moment.

Laura: Yeah. Well, that is Chapter 25.


Odds & Ends


Laura: We are going to move into some odds and ends here quickly before we get into our last couple of segments. So first of all, just something I wanted to mention: The Daily Prophet reminds us that Antonin Dolohov killed Gideon and Fabian Prewett, Molly Weasley’s brothers and Ron’s uncles. Why didn’t Ron mention anything?

Katie: Or Fred or George. They’re all in the school together; they all read the newspaper.

Laura: Right.

Katie: Why didn’t anybody say, “Those are our uncles”?

Laura: Yeah. Do they know? I’m just confused, because it seems like we totally glossed over that while the chapter was focusing on other students whose families were mentioned in the article. It just struck me as odd.

Eric: Yeah, the connection isn’t made, and don’t we see Dolohov in one of the future books too? Like, pretty big? And I still don’t think it’s mentioned.

Micah: He kills Lupin.

Katie: Fred and George might have known them. They might have been one or two years old by the time they died, so not old enough to remember them, but they would have at least heard the names in their very early lives.

Eric: They know their uncle’s names, yeah, for sure too.


Connecting the Threads


Laura: Also wanted to connect some threads quickly between Prisoner of Azkaban and Order of the Phoenix. First of all, Cho reminisces about the first time she and Harry played Quidditch against each other in Prisoner of Azkaban, and she also notes – this was an interesting point – that in Prisoner of Azkaban, when Sirius was at large, Dementors were posted everywhere, but there are none now that ten Death Eaters have escaped from Azkaban.

Micah: You’ve got to have control of them to post them.

Laura: That’s true, right? And that really confirms that the Ministry no longer controls them.


Superlative of the Week


Laura: All right, and now we are going to talk about our best moment of the chapter segment of the week. This week’s theme is #RealTalk quote of the week.

Andrew: I’m going to give my MVP award to a quote we hit on earlier, when Rita says, “All right, Fudge is leaning on the Prophet.” That’s a surprising comment to hear from Rita Skeeter, and very validating.

Eric: I am shook.

Andrew: [laughs] Not a shock, but to hear it from her? I was impressed.

Eric: I think she likes it, but yeah.

Laura: On a related note, when Hermione fires back at Rita and says, “So the Prophet exists to tell people what they want to hear, does it?” And Rita very quickly shoots back, “The Prophet exists to sell itself, you silly girl.” And I was like, man, the brutal honesty. I mean, she’s being real.

Micah: I felt it was only appropriate, after defending Ron earlier, to go with, “Shut up, Ron.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: I feel like that’s real talk throughout the Harry Potter series, not just Order of the Phoenix.

Eric: What’s the least characteristic quote said by Harry Potter, actually said by Harry Potter in the books? “Women!”

[Andrew and Katie laugh]

Eric: Which is immediately followed by something about a human hosepipe. I’m not even going to say it again. It’s just weird.

Katie: I love sassy Harry, but I also love sassy Hermione, and her line “The Prophet might give you rather a lot for an insider’s account of life in Azkaban…”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: Oh, that’s wonderful. I love that.


Lynx Line


Laura: And now we’re going to move into our Lynx Line. This is where MuggleCast listeners who are members of our community over at Patreon.com/MuggleCast get to answer a weekly question, and this week’s question was: If you could scoop one outrageous piece of gossip from Hogwarts, what would your one-sentence headline be?

Andrew: So Cassandra said, “Statute of Secrecy violated! Rich librarian arrested! Irma Pince accused of selling Hogwarts spellbooks to MUGGLES!”

Eric: [gasps] Oh my God.

Laura: Oh my gosh!

Andrew: Yeah, that would be scandalous.

Laura: It really would.

Eric: Danielle says, “What’s next, a vampire? Why your Hogwarts students aren’t safe from the likes of werewolves and giants on campus.”

Laura: Yep, very relevant. [laughs]

Eric: Fear-mongering.

Micah: Katie, who is here, says, “(Not) Picking Pansies: Hogwarts’s least favorite pick-me girl once again overlooked and ignored.”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Well done, Katie.

Laura: That’s really good. Well done.

Katie: She really irked me at the beginning of this chapter, making fun of Cho.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Right?! Like, mind your business. Zachary says,

“Fifty Shades of Green! With a looming threat seeming ever so near, Fudge still assures our community we have nothing to fear, all while appearing to turn a new shade of green every interview. Is he telling the truth, or is he playing some sort of sadistic game with us? Find out on my extra juicy edition of my ‘Fly on the Wall’ column.”

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: That’s funny.

Katie: Rachel said, “Oh, Rats! Grown man shares bed with teenage boy.”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Oof!

Laura: Whoops.

Andrew: On a similarly creepy note, Shannon said, “Harry Potter and Severus Snape seen alone together! Secret lessons or secret lovers? Hear from the professor himself and our first hand source.”

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: [imitating Snape] “No freaking way. What are you talking about, you weirdos?”

Eric: Jennifer has perhaps the least likely one: “Hogwarts, a security safety nightmare! Hundreds of Dementors flood campus as high profile mass murderer easily breaks into the school and holds a student at knife point. Who is to blame?” Gee, I wonder.

Laura: Dumbledore.

[Katie laughs]

Micah: Always. Shannon says, “Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: Safer than Gringotts, or security nightmare? Three first year students get past seven obstacles created by top professors to safeguard the (alleged) legendary Philosopher’s Stone.”

Laura: And to wrap us up, Kyle says,

“Dumbledore’s Beast in the Castle? Children in peril: Gamekeeper with dark past hauled off as students allegedly Petrified. Dumbledore resigns in disgrace, refuses to comment on his role in injured students. Bombshell new interview with Hogwarts Governors chairman.”

Ahh, of course Lucius would worm his way into this.

Eric: Yep.

Laura: Those are great. Thanks, y’all.

Andrew: Yeah, lots of creativity as always, including from Katie! Well, don’t forget, everybody, you can participate in the Lynx Line every week by becoming a patron at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. And if you have feedback about today’s talk, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. Next week, Chapter by Chapter continues with Order of the Phoenix Chapter 26, “Seen and Unforeseen.” Be sure to check out our other weekly podcasts, What the Hype?! and Millennial, for more pop culture and real world talk from the four of us. On What the Hype?! recently, we’ve been talking about The Last of Us and Netflix’s You, and over on Millennial, we’re discussing personal fitness and busting myths on the topic with one of our listeners, who is a personal trainer.

Micah: Hey, Andrew, I didn’t know you kiss your biceps in the mirror.

Andrew: Eh, he was trolling. [laughs] Thank you for listening, Micah.

Micah: You’re welcome.

Andrew: [laughs] His words, not mine.


Quizzitch


Andrew: Now it’s time for Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question was: What part of the human brain, in addition to aiding cognitive functions like attention and planning, also is involved with the storing of long-term memories? Any Crash Bandicoot fans in the audience? The answer is neocortex, and we’re also looking… we accepted hippocampus, too, because all the parts of the brain work together. 30% of people with a correct answer said they did not look it up, and this week’s winners were Bort Voldemort; Buff Daddy; Cherry Fishing; Hagrid’s Missing Secret Filter; Hogwarts Hippocampus, where Buckbeak majors in Memory Charms; I’ll huffle and I’ll puffle and I’ll look this answer up; Nerdy Gryffindor; Oceanic 815; The Elf Head is Alive; and Tofu Tom. Here’s next week’s Quizzitch question: What prison was the site of the largest jailbreak in British history, when 38 inmates, members of the IRA – that’s the Irish Republican Army – overpowered guards with smuggled weapons and hijacked a food truck in the year 1983? Again, what was the name of that prison? Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form located on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch. If you’re already on the website – maybe you’re looking up transcripts or seeing the must listens page or checking out the about page – anyway, click on “Quizzitch” for the main nav.

Andrew: Katie, thanks so much for joining us today. It was great having you on.

Katie: Thanks for having me. It was so fun.

Andrew: Yeah, we appreciate your support. And I mean, you went the extra mile with the Lynx Line question, too, so thanks for almost kind of pulling double duty in a way. [laughs]

Laura: Well, and also joining us on your birthday.

Eric: Yeah!

Andrew: Oh my God, yeah! Happy birthday. I’m so sorry; we should have said that at the top. Happy birthday. [laughs]

Katie: Thanks so much.

Andrew: Yeah, do you have any plans after tonight’s recording?

Katie: Not tonight, but tomorrow the USA women’s rugby team is playing Canada here in Kansas City, so that’s what we’re doing. We’re going to go check it out.

Eric: Oh my gosh!

Micah: Nice.

Laura: That’ll be great.

Andrew: Fantastic. Well, and sorry for spoiling Half-Blood Prince earlier, too.

[Katie laughs]

Andrew: On your birthday? That’s rough.

Laura: Can you forgive us?

Katie: I guess. It’ll be hard.

Andrew: Thanks again, and thanks, everyone, for listening. Don’t forget to visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast to support us. Please also leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, and send an owl about us to your Harry Potter-loving friends. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Katie: And I’m Katie.

Andrew: Bye, everyone, and birthday girl Katie!

Laura: Bye, y’all.

Eric, Katie, and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #703

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #703, Snape’s True Colors (OOTP Chapter 24, Occlumency)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: I’m Laura.

Andrew: We are your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books, the movies, the theme parks, the forthcoming TV show, so make sure you follow our show in your favorite podcast app so you never miss a new episode. And this week, we’ll be discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 24, “Occlumency.” And to help us with today’s discussion, we’re joined by one of our listeners and Slug Club patrons, Nicole. Welcome, Nicole, to the show.

Nicole: Thanks for having me.

Andrew: Yeah, you’re welcome. Can we get your fandom ID?

Nicole: Sure thing. So favorite book is a tie between Prisoner of Azkaban and Order of the Phoenix. Favorite movie, I have Goblet of Fire right now; could be because we just did a rewatch of that one. Hogwarts House is Slytherin, and Patronus is a pheasant. And for my favorite portrait, I said Sir Cadogan because we get to see him three times, so that’s fun.

Andrew: Gets a lot of attention, yeah. Well, I’m glad we have you on while we’re going Chapter by Chapter through one of your favorite books.

Nicole: I’m excited.

Andrew: Yeah, thanks again for joining us, and thanks for your support on Patreon; we really appreciate it. We actually were in a Slug Club hangout on our Patreon the other day when I was looking at upcoming cohosts and you were next in the queue, so for the first time ever, live on Zoom, I was like, “Nicole, you want to come on this week?” And she was like, “Yeah, perfect timing.”

Nicole: Heck, yeah.

Andrew: [laughs] Well, listeners, if you love MuggleCast too and want to help us keep things running as smoothly as the Knight Bus on a countryside road…? I don’t know if that works, Micah. But visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledge today; you’ll get instant access to two bonus MuggleCast episodes every month, plus ad-free episodes of MuggleCast, a new physical gift every year, the chance to cohost the show one day like Nicole is today, and so much more. We could not do this without you, and we appreciate you more than Sirius and Snape appreciate a good dig at each other. Now that one works.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Well, I figured with the countryside road, it’s smoother than the rest of the roads that the Knight Bus drives on, but I see your point.

Andrew: Yeah. [singing] “Country roads, take me home…” Laura, what’s coming up in bonus MuggleCast this week?

Laura: So this week in bonus MuggleCast, we’re going to be doing an expanded, deeper dive “Max that” discussion. So specifically, we’ve each picked scenes from Order of the Phoenix that did not make it into the movies that we want to see make it into the TV show, and we have some very specific opinions about how we think these things should be shot, which actors should be in them, what the tone should be, so we’re going to talk through all of it together this week in bonus. Definitely head on over to Patreon to check that out.

Andrew: Awesome. Other great ways to support us: You can pick up merch at MuggleCastMerch.com. I’m wearing the Muggle cap today. Micah is wearing our 19th anniversary T-shirt, available in the overstock store. You can leave us a review in your favorite podcast app. You can send an owl to a friend about the show if they need some Harry Potter friends in their life. And then I just mentioned the overstock store; go to MuggleMillennial.etsy.com and you can pick up the “19 Years Later” T-shirt while supplies last. We printed those for patrons, and we have some extras, so now is the time to grab them because once they are gone, they are truly gone. And we loved creating this shirt because it’s a special year for MuggleCast. 19 years later; it’s our epilogue year.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: All right, time for Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 24, “Occlumency.” And Eric still prepared a little look back for us; the last time we discussed this chapter was on Episode 461 of MuggleCast, on April 14, 2020, and the episode was titled “Snape’s Secrets,” so let’s go back in time and listen to that now.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 461.

Micah: What I don’t really think Snape or Dumbledore – particularly Dumbledore – considered was the effect this was going to have on Harry after each lesson, right?

Andrew: Yeah, his poor brain.

Micah: He’s drained after this encounter with Snape, and Snape doesn’t do anything. Snape probably could whip up a cocktail potion for him.

Eric: Oooh.

Micah: He’d be feeling really good afterwards.

Andrew: Or Dumbledore could have said, “Don’t do that, and let Harry…”

Micah: “Let Harry suffer.”

Andrew: “… feel the effects of this so he’s more prepared.” I know, let Harry suffer. Let Harry suffer more. Snape should have at least given him a head massage. That could have been a little helpful.

Eric: [laughs] “Come here, Potter.”

Andrew: You know when you’re getting your hair cut and they wash your hair for you, and then they give you a head massage while they wash your hair? That’s what Snape should have done for Harry.

Laura: [laughs] Can you imagine walking in on that scene and being like, “Ooo-kay.”

[Andrew laughs]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Micah: Well, our chapter begins back at Grimmauld Place, so we’ve gone from St. Mungo’s back to Grimmauld Place, and I wanted to start the discussion really around Harry, because he is very hesitant about going back to Hogwarts, and little does he know he’s about to get another reason to dread it even more. But has there ever been a time that we can recall that Harry didn’t want to go back to school?

Laura: No.

Andrew: Not in the series so far. And I kind of think it speaks to just how serious things are getting at Hogwarts and within the wizarding world.

Micah: Yeah, and things are definitely winding down at Grimmauld Place. It’s noted that Sirius is becoming far less cheerful, because not only are the holidays over, but as we just said, the kids are going back to school, and that means an empty house for good old Sirius. And the last time we encountered him – and I know he was interrupted, it seemed like, during a bit of a bender when the kids showed up that night…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: But this is hard for him. I mean, he’s clearly struggling with the isolation, and it’s kind of unfortunate Snape throws it in his face in this chapter too.

Andrew: A lot of us experience this type of feeling maybe every year, multiple times a year: the end of holiday blues, end of vacation blues. You spend some quality time with friends and family, and now you’re going back to the real world, and it sucks. This is what Sirius is experiencing here.

Laura: Yeah. Well, and Sirius’s real world sucks.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: It really does. For everyone else, it’s “Ugh, I have to go back to work. I have to go back to school. I have to go back to responsibility.” And to Sirius, it’s “I have to go back to basically just being a placeholder in Grimmauld Place.”

Andrew: Aww.

Laura: It sucks.

Andrew: Placeholder Place.

Nicole: I think the phrase “childhood trauma” gets overused a lot, but in this case, poor Sirius is stuck in the childhood home he tried to leave and never go back to.

Micah: It’s a really great point. And he’s stuck there with Kreacher. And Kreacher has been MIA for parts of the last couple of chapters, but he does make an appearance. He was up in the attic; Sirius found him doing Kreacher things up there. Harry seems, though, to be pretty suspicious of Kreacher. He seems to almost have a sixth sense as it relates to him, and he’s hesitant to let Sirius know about this, but I’m wondering if he should have shared some of his suspicions with maybe another member of the Order, because Kreacher seems to be in a little bit of a better mood, it’s noted, and he’s staring down Harry at times. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, which should be a red flag.

Micah: A huge red flag.

Andrew: Yeah. Do you think part of it, Harry’s being able to read Kreacher, stems from his relationship that he already has with Dobby? Because Dobby has already been up to some mischievous behavior in the series so far.

Nicole: I think it’s classic Harry, where he just notices the house-elf. The lesser creatures in the Harry Potter world, Harry always has an eye out for them, so it’s kind of… I feel like Harry should have said something, and it’s something that I’m not surprised Harry noticed on a reread.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Same. I think, too, this all really speaks to the fact that a lot of people who are really, really embedded in wizarding society, and don’t tend to question why things are the way they are because that’s just all they’ve ever known, tend to underestimate magical creatures. And we see this with Sirius and Kreacher; Sirius makes a lot of assumptions about what Kreacher can and can’t do. Harry tries to correct him at one point, doesn’t he? When Sirius is like, “No, he can’t go talk to anyone else,” and Harry is like, “Well, Dobby came and talked to me. He had to punish himself afterwards, but he still did it.” So I think there’s also just a massive lack of understanding amongst wizards about how house-elves operate, and I think they make a lot of assumptions about that, which in this case proves fatal for Sirius.

Micah: Yeah, and Kreacher is certainly cutting some corners by going to Bellatrix, as we’ll later learn. She’s no longer Bellatrix Black; she’s Bellatrix Lestrange, but still part of the family, and Kreacher is more than willing – to your point, Laura – to likely betray the oath that he has to Sirius. But we don’t know; he could be punishing himself, and he likely is. Well, speaking of individuals in Sirius’s home that he really does not like, we learn in this chapter that Professor Snape has shown up and he wants to see Harry, and we get the classic Sirius versus Snape showdown. And we’re going to do a bonus MuggleCast where we’re talking about Maxing something. We don’t get this in the movie.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Micah: And I would have loved to have seen Gary Oldman and Alan Rickman go at each other in this particular scene.

Laura: Yeah. Honestly, there’s a lot in this chapter that we don’t get in the movies. And I mean, even the way Occlumency is covered in the movies doesn’t… I don’t really feel like it fully connects all the threads narratively, so that’ll be something I’m looking forward to seeing redone on the show.

Andrew: Micah, you do have a note here that made me think of something else. You said the two are “bickering like exes.”

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: And it made me think that these are two people who, in a way, kind of are exes, sort of, because they’re still tied to one another. They’re still stuck with one another. These two have been enemies for years and years, and they both lost people they loved – James for Sirius, Lily for Snape – and I think that some of the tension still comes from that, which is really sad.

Micah: Yeah, it’s a really good point, Andrew. And they’re looking at any opportunity to throw shade in each other’s direction, and so that made me wonder… Harry walks in on this, and he almost would have been better to just turn around and walk right back out of the kitchen, because who’s really the adult here? Honestly, I think it’s Harry in this moment.

Andrew: I think it’s Harry too.

Laura: Yeah, agreed.

Andrew: It’s definitely not Snape. It might be Sirius, but yeah, I think I put Harry in first as well.

Micah: Well, especially a little bit later on in this scene where Harry is physically getting between the two of them.

Andrew: Yeah, breaking up the fight, or trying to.

Nicole: It was getting me a-child-of-divorced-parents vibes, having to get in the middle.

Micah: Andrew, you said maybe it’s Sirius. Well, I think he’s being a good, responsible godfather to Harry, because he’s sitting there in the room with him as Snape is letting Harry know that he is going to be taking Occlumency lessons this year. And Harry has no idea what this even means, so the fact that there is an adult in the room, I think, is a good thing.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Agreed. A parent or guardian should always be present for this kind of thing. But we also see later during Harry’s first Occlumency lesson that Snape really relishes the opportunity to get Harry alone and bully him one-on-one, so yeah, I think Sirius was right to join Harry here.

Andrew: Anytime there’s two big power players in the Harry Potter series interacting with one another – Sirius and Snape in this example – it’s just on-the-edge-of-my-seat reading that I can’t get enough of. Forget the kids; I’m all about the adults in this series.

Laura: Yeah. Well, Snape is really like a fish out of water at Grimmauld Place, too. He’s in the Order, but I think most of the Order is looking sideways at him. I think there’s a lot of suspicion of Snape, and he’s also obviously not very well-liked, so anytime he shows up at Grimmauld Place, you know that sparks are going to fly.

Micah: But arguably, he’s doing some of the hardest work of the Order.

Laura: No one knows about it, but he is. [laughs]

Andrew: Don’t tell Sirius that. Sirius ain’t gonna be happy about that.

Micah: Well, Sirius does have a really good question for Snape; he asks why Dumbledore couldn’t teach Harry Occlumency. And look, Dumbledore knows that these two, Harry and Snape, do not like each other.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Oooh, they’re going to tussle.”

Micah: And he is forcing Harry to do something that he knows he’s going to hate without really giving him a whole lot of background as to why.

Andrew: So Lupin does explain to Harry before leaving him at the Knight Bus – or after they get off the Knight Bus – Lupin says to Harry, “I know you don’t like Snape, but he is a superb Occlumens,” and he also encourages Harry to work hard at it. So I’m wondering if that’s why… I mean, we know Snape is really good at this, and Lupin is reminding Harry of this, so I don’t know. That’s enough for me.

Micah: He’s also a superb asshole.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: So you kind of have to juggle the two.

Andrew: Does Lupin feel that way? [laughs]

Micah: I think he does probably on some level.

Laura: I am also going to point out, and this comes from the Harry Potter fandom wiki: “Albus Dumbledore was also an exceptional Occlumens, having been one of the few to be capable of repelling Voldemort’s Legilimency,” so…

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “The difference is, I’m busy.”

Laura: [laughs] Snape effectively says as much. He’s like, “I guess it’s his joy to be able to delegate less interesting asks to his staff.” But to be fair, I think we do find out that Dumbledore does not want to open up the potential of Voldemort penetrating Harry’s mind and realizing how close the two of them are.

Andrew: Yes! Yes.

Nicole: Oh, that’s great, but it’s like, once again we have Dumbledore, who’s brilliant, just can’t communicate a smidge here, and we would have avoided a lot of problems.

Laura: Right.

Nicole: Or I guess he could have sent Lupin as his proxy. Put Lupin in there. Someone else in the room besides Snape, Sirius, Harry. Just another party.

Micah: Well, we’re going to talk a little bit about this, but it’s also the fact that Dumbledore would likely have provided a much softer touch to this whole experience for Harry than somebody like Snape.

Andrew: Yeah, it would have been nice to have, let’s say, Lupin sitting there being kind of like a… not a teacher’s assistant, but like when a teacher is being observed in the classroom? Kind of like what we see with Umbridge, but a far better teacher sitting there. Lupin could sit there and kind of silently encourage Snape to properly educate Harry on how to practice Occlumency.

Laura: Yeah. I do feel like of all the Marauders, Lupin is the best one to try and temper Snape. I feel like Snape is the most responsive to him, so yeah, that probably would have been better.

Micah: Yeah. A couple of interesting nuggets come out of this conversation/fight between Snape and Sirius. The first is that Sirius refers to Snape as Lucius’s lapdog, and I’m wondering is there some history here that we don’t know about, that he would think that Snape would basically be subservient, in a way, to one of the Malfoys?

Laura: Well, I think if I recall correctly, Lucius was older than Snape, so he would have been a few years ahead at Hogwarts, so who knows? Lucius might have been the leader of some of the first student body to join up with the Death Eaters, and Snape could have been very taken with that idea. So it could be referring to some of that schoolboy drama that they all had together. But I also wonder if Sirius is implicitly accusing Snape of feeding intel to Lucius, because we already know Lucius exploits his wealth and connections to get what he wants, like he bought the entire Slytherin Quidditch team Nimbus 2001s a couple of years ago; he sat on the Board of Governors and heavily influenced the school. It just feels like if Snape wanted a way to put his thumb on the scale at Hogwarts, he could do that via Lucius if Lucius felt like he was going to get something out of the deal. So I think that’s what Sirius is implying here. Obviously does not end up being the case.

Micah: Part of me thinks that it’s a convenient writing device to then transition into Snape saying, “Well, speaking of dogs…”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, he does bring that up.

Micah: “Lucius recognized your dumb behind on the train platform, Sirius.” We knew that from Draco’s comments earlier on in the book.

Andrew: Well, Sirius doesn’t trust either Snape or Lucius, so if he thinks that Snape and Lucius are associating in some way, be it through the Death Eaters or however else, I could definitely understand why Sirius is trying to tie them two together. And he’s also kind of grasping for straws, because Snape does have the more important role in the Order, and Sirius is trying to convince himself that Snape isn’t the right choice for the job. So yeah, he’s going to accuse him of being Lucius’s lapdog.

Micah: So it’s now time for the kids to head off to Hogwarts, and there are some parting words between Harry and Sirius, and Harry receives a really important item from Sirius that he makes note that he’s not going to use because he doesn’t want to put his godfather in any kind of difficult situation. But there’s a really great quote – Nicole, I’m wondering if you can read it here – about how Harry was feeling about this particular situation.

Nicole: Sure thing. So “Harry had an unpleasant constricted sensation in his chest; he did not want to say goodbye to Sirius. He had a bad feeling about this parting; he did not know when they would next see each other and he felt it was incumbent upon him to say something to Sirius to stop him doing anything stupid.”

Andrew: This probably should have been one of the biggest red flags the first time that we read it. “Harry had an unpleasant sensation in his chest.” I don’t remember reading this part the first time and if it felt like a red flag to me, but major foreshadow alert.

[Foreshadowing sound effect plays]

Micah: And Laura, you had a comment here about the two-way mirror.

Laura: Oh yeah, yeah. How tragic it is, the way that the two-way mirror played out – or rather didn’t play out – because Harry ultimately doesn’t end up discovering its usefulness until it’s already too late.

Micah: Yeah, and it’s actually also noted that Sirius is described as being “grim” in this particular goodbye as well. And I thought that was another piece of foreshadowing that… really, any time that Sirius is described in this book, there is a some sort of character trait that alludes to his death, or something happens to him. I’m thinking of “When 13 sit down to dine, the first to rise is the first to die”; that happens at one point. So there are all these little hints that we’re getting that I don’t think things are going to work out too well for our buddy Sirius.

Andrew: Yeah, because on one hand, you could be reading it like, “Oh, it is the end of holiday blues; the family and friends are leaving,” like I brought brought up earlier, but really, there’s a double meaning going on here.

Laura: Yeah, and we also have to remember that Sirius is effectively still a prisoner. He got out of Azkaban, so he’s free, but the reality is he can’t go anywhere else; he can’t risk being seen. So as Nicole pointed out earlier, he is literally stuck in his childhood trauma. It’s a prison.

Andrew: And Becky, who’s listening live right now, is adding in a couple of comments concerning the Snape/Lucius relationship. She reminds us that Umbridge said during Snape’s class inspections that “Lucius always spoke highly of you, Severus,” and they were for a time on good terms.

Micah: All right. Well, great catch by Becky there. Well, for I believe it’s the first time, we’re going to take the Knight Bus to Hogwarts, so different mode of transportation for the trio. And I thought this was a nice connecting to threads to Prisoner of Azkaban, where Harry inadvertently jumps on the Knight Bus to get to the Leaky Cauldron. But Nicole, you had some notes here about the Knight Bus and its connection to Prisoner of Azkaban.

Nicole: Yeah, so we get to meet Stan again. We first saw him in Prisoner of Azkaban, so we have that classic Prisoner of Azkaban/Order of the Phoenix link. And then, I don’t know, reading it again today, it was kind of sad. It’s like, “Oh, the next time we see him, he’s under the Imperius Curse, working for Voldemort.”

Laura: Aww. Yeah.

Nicole: Poor guy. And he was just trying to impress some Veela in the last book. I mean, can’t catch a break.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah. It’s really nice seeing these callbacks to earlier books, thinking… there’s so much magic established by Book 5, and so many aspects of the wizarding world established that to see a little cameo, if you will, by something like the Knight Bus is a lot of fun.

Micah: It’d be great to Max that in the TV show.

Nicole: Without a talking head.

Andrew: Oh, yeah. Probably… yeah, the talking head, for anybody who doesn’t know, was an Alfonso Cuarón touch, the director of Movie 3. So we’ll see if they carry that over.

Micah: It’s a fun touch.

Andrew: Yeah, it was fun. I liked it.

Micah: But didn’t they also show up at the… was it the Leaky Cauldron? Or the Three Broomsticks, right?

Andrew: Yes.

Micah: Or were those different shrunken heads that told Ron and Hermione they couldn’t come in? It’s when Harry sneaks in to overhear McGonagall.

Laura: I don’t remember.

Micah: But anyway, before we get to the first Occlumency lesson, one other thing just wanted to touch on was the very awkward Harry asking Cho out on a first date. And to be fair, Cho kind of asked him out initially. He just… his head is… I don’t fault the guy. I know he’s in his teenage years, but he’s got a lot going on, and this is probably the last thing on his mind. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, I think that’s fair. Because I mean, he’s already a teenager, so I think he’s predisposed to be dumb and awkward about these things. But I mean, yeah, he literally has the fate of the world on his shoulders, and he’s one of the only ones who knows it right now, so I’ll give him a pass for this one. But it was pretty obvious, pretty big fumble, especially…

Micah: But he recovered!

Laura: He did. He did recover, for sure.

Andrew: As he always does.

Nicole: I read again this morning and I cringed, but then I have a 13-year-old stepson, and I don’t want to blow up his texts on the podcast, because he will listen…

[Micah laughs]

Nicole: But it’s accurately awkward.

Andrew: Yeah. And that’s life at that age.

Micah: It is.

Nicole: Not picking up the hints.

Micah: All right, well, I want everybody on the panel to clear your minds, clear them out, because…

Andrew: I’m bad at meditating.

Micah: Well, then I can’t promise that Snape is not going to penetrate your mind and do terrible things to you.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: So Snape gives Harry a little bit of a cover story for the fact that he needs to spend time with him to take these Occlumency lessons. He says that if anybody asks, he’s to tell them that he is taking remedial Potions. [laughs] So right off the bat, Snape has another way to demean Harry and make him look bad in front of his peers. We actually see this come to life, too.

Andrew: Yeah. So I understand why Snape is saying “Tell people you’re taking remedial Potions,” but Harry should have just made up something else entirely, just made up another excuse so he didn’t come off like he was a total idiot when it comes to Potions and Snape is spending extra time with him.

Micah: That’s fair.

Laura: I feel like this is, I don’t know, such a nosy school thing where everyone would be so in each other’s business that they would notice that Harry is going to Snape for private tutoring. Hogwarts is a big place. They should have just been cool about it; just don’t say anything.

Andrew: Well, yeah. You’re saying Harry didn’t have to tell people anything?

Laura: Anything, yeah.

Micah: The most important person here, though, is likely Umbridge, and it’s probably something she would believe, so I think that’s probably why it works.

Laura: Yeah, true.

Andrew: Okay.

Micah: I’m not saying that it’s nice, but it fits.

Laura: I mean, he could have also said it was just detention.

Micah: She probably would have believed that too.

Laura: And with how drained and miserable Harry is after that, it would have tracked.

Micah: I did want to do a quick name origin here for Occlumency.

[Name origin sound effect plays]

Andrew: Whoa!

Micah: So the “Occlu” in “Occlumency” comes from the Latin “occludere,” which means to close up or to block off, so it fits perfectly for what Harry is going to attempt to do in this chapter. So let’s talk about this whole idea of penetrating a 15-year-old child’s mind by an adult professor who has nothing but disdain for him. I’ll start by asking the question: Is Snape the most qualified to teach Harry Occlumency, given that he himself has spent years closing off his mind to Voldemort?

Nicole: I think besides Dumbledore at that school right now, who else could teach Harry?

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: And I just want to remind y’all that Lupin felt like he is uniquely qualified to teach him based on his skills. Now, I know we’re debating teaching, and that’s where a third party could have come in to help moderate the lesson, I suppose.

Laura: Yeah, I think the operative word here is “Harry.” So is Snape qualified to teach Harry Occlumency? I think, given the enormous conflict of interest here, I would say the answer to that question is no. Might Snape be the best person to teach Occlumency in general? Probably.

Micah: It’s kind of like the same thing with Potions. It just comes down to his style, right? He lacks the sensitivity and the patience that’s needed for something like this. He’s much more procedural in nature, and I think, given what we’re about to experience, he’s just not the right fit. And I would go so far as to say Snape is the poster child for repressed rage and bitterness, and I have a hard time believing that this man who can’t say a sentence without sneering is going to help a 15-year-old process trauma and suppress mental invasion, when he can’t even suppress his own sarcasm.

Andrew: [laughs] But I think that… maybe this is a little too obvious, but from a storytelling perspective, having Snape teach Harry makes sense because Harry is going to get Snape’s Worst Memory in a couple chapters.

Micah: Oh yeah, but there’s a lot wrong with it. I agree with you; I think he is the most qualified just based on the fact that he has been closing off his mind to Voldemort for years, but there’s a lot here to unpack.

Laura: I was kind of wondering if there’s some twisted logic at play here. Because Micah, you raise a really good point; Snape, honestly, kind of like Phineas Nigellus – we just called this out last week – can be kind of a diva. He’s kind of a little performance artist, and I think he kind of thrives on that attention, and he enjoys giving people so much crap, and I wonder if part of that is because it’s the only emotional outlet that he has in life, and it’s maybe the only way he can make sure that he’s fully capable to shut down and have no emotion when it counts.

Andrew: Do you think Snape wanted to be a theater kid?

Laura: Probably!

Andrew: Or was he a theater kid? [imitating Snape] “Defying gravity…”

[Nicole laughs]

Laura: Well, I think if he had been given the chance, he could have been. He’s so dramatic.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: He really is. I think the thing that’s getting called out here is that, yes, this was very clearly set up as a storytelling device to allow us to get that moment, but if they simply choose Snape to do this for the sake of conflict, you could kind of argue that’s bad writing if you can’t find a way for that to happen more organically. If it’s like, once again, Dumbledore is like, “Oh, sorry, can’t be bothered.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: “Here, Severus, you do it.” Like, how many times do we have to tell you, old man? Dumbledore does this a lot; he withholds so much from Harry, and then every time he’s like, “Oh, I probably just should have told you.” [laughs]

Nicole: A couple things: so it’s always… rereading it now, with the way Snape treats Harry, I almost want to be like, “Okay, you were a kid. Please get over it. Your first love didn’t work out; it’s fine. We’re adults.”

Andrew: [laughs] But “Always, always, always.”

Nicole: Yeah, “always”; it’s a little much. And it kind of reminded me… I played softball in college, and it gave me vibes of one softball coach in college, and she was in her 30s, so I’m imagining same age as Snape, and there was definitely a lot of picking on some players. And I was like, “I feel like there’s some issues, like you felt like you didn’t get your dues. You’re going to take it out on these young women.” It gave me strong vibes towards that.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I think you’re right, too. And also the fact that he’s projecting his anger at a dead man onto Harry.

Nicole: On a child who wasn’t there, had nothing to do with this.

Laura: Right.

Nicole: I mean, Dumbledore gave you a job. I wish… I don’t know. I guess, yeah, to move the plot forward, he has to hate Harry, but it’s a frustrating reread.

Micah: Definitely. And I also think a major part of this is that Snape sees James every time that he looks at Harry, and I don’t think that you can necessarily teach somebody to guard their mind when you can barely stand the side of them.

Andrew: Yeah. I also wonder – and this might be a bit of a crackpot theory – but I wonder if Snape is partially so angsty about these lessons because he does pull a few memories out of his mind before teaching Harry, to prevent Harry from seeing anything. Is he angsty because he no longer has these memories of Lily for an hour? It’s almost like they didn’t even happen? I don’t know exactly how this all works, but I wonder if it gives some anxiety to be separated from these memories, these good memories.

Laura: That’s interesting. What I think is so interesting about that is that this is kind of Snape’s tell that he actually thinks Harry is more talented and smarter than he lets on to. The fact that he was like, “Just in case, let me take all the memories that I would not want Potter to see and put them in a Pensieve so that I’m protected.” So Snape talks a big game about Harry being a dunderhead, but I don’t think that’s what he actually thinks of him.

Micah: He almost throws a compliment his way, too, when the Imperius Curse comes up, and says, “You were able to somewhat resist that; this won’t be all that different.”

Andrew: So he was teaching him. “It’s like how you fight the Imperius Curse.” I’m sort of kidding. Is it possible, too, that maybe Snape was planning on being a nicer, better teacher, but then the situation with Sirius went down, and he still has a bad taste in his mouth from that?

Micah: Maybe. I just don’t think that he wants to be in this situation. Neither party wants to be in this situation, and I think Snape is just looking at this like, “Albus, why are you making me do this?”

Andrew: “Albus, why?”

[Everyone laughs]

Nicole: And I wonder… so Dumbledore, we find out, did not want to teach Harry because he didn’t want Voldemort to know how close they were. I mean, poor Snape; he’s the one who’s the double agent here, so if something goes wrong and Voldemort can see through Harry, then the jig is up.

Laura: That is the point, Nicole. Thank you for saying that. Because if Dumbledore is so worried that Voldemort is going to be able to penetrate Harry’s mind, shouldn’t he be worried about the same thing happening with Snape? How is he going to explain that to Voldemort?

Andrew: I guess it just speaks to how Snape is a world-class Occlumens.

Micah: I would have said something else after world-class, but…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: World-class ass.

Micah: Yeah. So just a couple of other things here: We know that Occlumency requires a calm mind and emotional control…

Andrew: “Hummmm.”

Micah: … and Snape’s idea of teaching was throwing Harry into the deep end and then mocking him when he floundered. So again, this is very similar to how he teaches Harry Potions, and that actually comes up in this chapter, too; he criticizes Harry for just not following directions, but in this particular case, I don’t really think he’s giving Harry a whole lot of direction or guidance.

Andrew: No, he’s not. They just dive headfirst into these “lessons,” and it is bizarre that Snape isn’t trying to teach him more. He basically just gives him a textbook definition of what it means to practice Occlumency, and then he’s like, “All right, one, two…” and then throws a spell at him. [laughs]

Laura: And he just says, “Clear your mind.” Okay? I don’t think…

Andrew: As if Snape clears his mind. [laughs]

Laura: Right. Well, also, are you going to teach me a mindfulness exercise? What are we doing here, man?

Andrew: Yeah, aren’t you going to load up your HeadSpace app and walk me through some meditations?

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Micah: And there’s a huge trust issue between the two of them, right? And you have to remember that Occlumency is about letting somebody into your mind. I mean, it’s not necessarily about letting somebody in; you’re trying to prevent them from getting in. But I do think there’s a level of vulnerability here, in terms of Harry needing to trust somebody, and in this case, it’s just like letting your worst enemy be your therapist. That’s the best comparison that I can come up with.

Andrew: [laughs] That’s a good way to look at it, yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, if Micah was my therapist, I would be like, “Why are you giving me advice? I hate you.”

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: It’s a joke. It’s a joke.

Micah: Well, everybody was kind of talking a little bit about this earlier: What if Harry stumbled into the wrong memory during the lesson? What do we think would have happened here that…? Nicole, you were mentioning this earlier; there’s just so much that could have been uncovered, not just by Harry, maybe even potentially by Voldemort. So this is risky, in addition to being cruel.

Andrew: And maybe a reason why Snape doesn’t actually want to teach Harry, because he doesn’t want him getting into his mind. [laughs] He does take the memories out, and we should talk about that too. What were the memories that he takes out before this lesson? And how broad are these memories? If we haven’t done an episode dedicated to retrieving memories, we definitely should have that discussion. But one memory must have been, of course, around Lily. Maybe another memory was his deal with Dumbledore, although that kind of ties into Lily. And then probably James bullying Snape, as we see in the Pensieve.

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Laura: I mean, and probably a lot of stuff about his dad too. I know we see some memories of Snape’s dad in the Worst Memory chapter, so there’s probably some childhood stuff in there as well.

Micah: That’s a great point.

Laura: Which is also going to include Lily. She’s a big part of it.

Micah: I’ve always been curious, though… the defense mechanism – it’s not necessarily intended for you to then penetrate the other person’s mind, right? It’s just to block out that person from getting into yours.

Laura: Right.

Micah: So it is interesting that Harry is able to then get inside Snape’s head. We can talk more about it when we get to that chapter, though, I guess.

Andrew: Well, and he puts his head into the Pensieve.

Micah: Oh, is that what it is?

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I think that’s what it is.

Micah: Ahh.

Andrew: Yeah, because Snape goes to take care of something in Slytherin House, and that’s when he…

Micah: See, this is where the movie messes with my recollection, because… okay.

Laura: Because in the movie, you’re right, Harry does reverse Legilimens him.

Andrew: Doesn’t he fall to the floor and is like, “Get out” or something like that?

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Andrew: Arguably kind of a better way for it to play out.

Nicole: More dramatic.

Micah: For sure. Let’s talk a little bit about Dumbledore in all of this, because he’s giving Snape permission to mentally invade Harry, exposing some of his most private memories, leaving him mentally and physically exhausted, and I want to talk more about the mental and physical exhaustion as well, because that is important in all this too. I mean, there’s a lot of comparisons that we can make here. I think we touched on it the last time we did this chapter, but I mean, is this Dumbledore’s…? Is it up to him to be allowing this to happen? I guess Sirius gave the permission. But what are everybody’s thoughts here?

Laura: Yeah, and it is interesting to me how carefully Snape chooses his words when Harry is asking him, “Why are we doing this? Why did Dumbledore choose you? Why can’t he tell me what we’re doing?” And Snape, even there, seems to be cautious about how much info to give Harry, because they know that Voldemort probably knows about the mind connection at this point. So I guess the decision probably got made with that in mind, that Harry may not be in control of this 100% of the time, so they had no choice but to make this decision for him, which sucks.

Andrew: Yeah, and don’t you think that by entering Harry’s mind as deeply as he does…? We see Harry flip through a lot of different memories. Do you think maybe that this is the way to teach somebody? Because you kind of put them… you back them into a corner, and they’re so mad and repulsed that that’s when they figure out how to shut you down.

Laura: It really seems like it’s a matter of will, because I remember when Harry was resisting the Imperius Curse, it was just Harry mentally thinking, “No, I don’t want to do that.”

Micah: Right.

Laura: So is it the same thing here? Where it’s just like, “La la la, I can’t hear you. Get out of my head.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Well, it kind of reminds me of being able to cast a Patronus; you have to think of your happiest memory. Here, you have to be reminded of some of your most private memories to learn the art of shutting people out.

Micah: So I’m actually glad that you brought that up, Andrew, because I think there’s a lot of comparisons we can make here between Lupin teaching Harry how to cast a Patronus…

Laura: Ahhh.

Micah: … and Snape trying to teach Harry Occlumency, again pulling on the threads between Prisoner of Azkaban and Order of the Phoenix. Both instances, Harry is left mentally exhausted, right? But Lupin at least teaches him over time. And I understand there wasn’t a pressing need for Harry to have to learn how to cast a Patronus, whereas in this case, there is a need for him to learn how to shut off his mind. But Lupin takes care of Harry after the fact, right? He gives him chocolate. Whereas in this case, Snape just…

Andrew: Doesn’t do anything.

Micah: “See you next time.” [laughs] Basically. But I do think there’s something there.

Nicole: I mean, the teaching method isn’t totally… I mean, thinking about coaching styles, teaching method, the hard-ass… it can work for some people, so it’s not the worst. But comparing as Lupin, we know Lupin worked well with Harry, so maybe Snape should have brought some candy or something. Throw a bone.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Well, and I mean… sorry if this already got called out, but Lupin, he makes sure to take care of Harry.

Micah: Right.

Laura: Gives him the chocolate to make sure that he can recover. I’m thinking Harry should have been allowed to recover in the hospital wing after his Occlumency lessons. Madam Pomfrey should have been bringing him… what are the…? I forget the name of the potion. The Pepper-Up something or other to give him energy, make him feel better, rejuvenate him.

Nicole: But couldn’t Snape do that? He’s Potions Master!

Laura: Right, exactly!

Nicole: He should help him out.

Micah: Like our flashback from earlier in the episode; we talked about how Snape could have given him something. So just a couple of other things here that I thought were worth calling out: We’ve talked a lot about how these lessons actually make Harry more vulnerable – see the end of the chapter – and I also think there’s something to be said, as we’re talking about comparing and contrasting Lupin and Snape, that you can’t expect Harry to learn this in one lesson. You think about how many years Snape has had to perfect this art, it’s really unfair that he is treating him in this way, and I don’t think the hard-ass approach is working.

Andrew: But time is of the essence here; they don’t have years to prepare Harry. And yes, sure, to your point, Snape could have tried to have been a better teacher, maybe, to expedite his progress, but really… yeah, there’s no time.

Laura: Yeah, there’s no time, and then the lessons get abruptly ended, and nobody tells Dumbledore. So it’s that important that Dumbledore is not checking in on Snape to be like, “Hey, how’s the Occlumency going?”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Well, there is at least one good thing that comes from these lessons, and that’s Harry starting to get some answers. He puts Snape on his heels when he mentions the Department of Mysteries, and he also gets a little bit of insight into who Snape really is, whether he recognizes or not. So the big Snape reveal that… I’m not sure; did many people pick up on this when they were reading? Because Snape says to Harry that the Dark Lord “almost always knows when somebody is lying to him. Only those skilled at Occlumency are able to shut down those feelings and memories that contradict the lie, and so can utter falsehoods in his presence without detection.” He’s talking about himself.

Andrew: How would you know that, Snape?

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, so the big reveal here is he’s a double agent. He’s basically admitting as much. Yeah, no, I definitely didn’t pick up on it at the time, but it is very cool reading back and seeing the groundwork laid for this reveal two books prior to when it comes out.

Laura: Yeah. Well, and I think we also get the groundwork for the Horcrux reveal, and Nagini being one of those Horcruxes. Because when Harry says, “No, I wasn’t Voldemort; I was in the snake,” and Snape is like, “Well, Voldemort was occupying the snake at the time,” which is technically true. So yeah, the whole plot around Snape being a double agent, around Harry being a Horcrux, this is probably the most obvious hint we get for it this early on.

Micah: Yeah, that’s a great point.

Andrew: Yeah, only Snape can pull off this type of thing. It’s like he’s uniquely qualified to teach Occlumency! And Snape also does tell Harry that he will know if he didn’t practice, and I was thinking that this kind of feels like a hint about Snape being a double agent, because he could get a report from Voldemort or Dumbledore that his mind’s been penetrated. [laughs] Or Harry.

Laura: Yeah. Well, and also he’ll be able to see it the next time Harry comes for Occlumency lessons. If Harry hasn’t been practicing, Snape is going to know, because he’ll see it.

Andrew: Right.

Micah: Yeah, that’s a good point. So I thought we could wrap up the chapter talking about what we think Voldemort actually knows about Harry at this moment. The whole reason behind this is because there’s this belief that Voldemort can use Harry to his advantage, but I’m curious, do we think that he has a sense of the Horcrux at this point? I mean, why else would there be this connection that exists between them? And if that’s true, why would he potentially look to destroy it? Harry is anchoring him to this world.

Laura: Yeah, I don’t know if Voldemort has picked up on the Harry being a Horcrux thing yet. I mean, it seems like he knows about the connection between the two of them, but he doesn’t understand it. He’s just happy that he can try and exploit it.

Andrew: Well, yeah, and could it possibly be tied to the Department of Mysteries? He’s happy that Harry has been seeing the Department of Mysteries because, of course, he needs Harry, if not himself, to retrieve the prophecy.

Micah: So that’s why he’s happy at the end of this chapter?

Andrew: Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Laura: Well, also think about who seems happy at the beginning of this chapter. Just saying. Kreacher was in a much better mood earlier on in this chapter.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: And I mean, I know we do find out eventually what Voldemort is so happy about, but I think it’s connected, right? Because I think Kreacher has already been feeding intel to Bellatrix. They’re already planning what it is they’re going to do in a few months’ time.

Micah: But meanwhile, Harry is stroking out on the dormitory floor because of what Snape has done to him.

Andrew: I know. Good thing he has friends like Hermione and Ron to look out for him. Hermione is like, “I’m not surprised you feel that way. I mean, look what just happened to you.” So at least she understands and tells him that.

Micah: But I mean, think about what he’s going through. He’s literally retching, maniacally laughing… he’s having almost a psychotic break, because likely, what Snape just did to him put him in a much more weakened state than he otherwise would have been. And that’s where, to me, the neglect of it all comes in, and that’s where it’s… forget about Snape; that’s where it’s shame on Dumbledore, because he knows potentially what this could do to Harry. He needs to make sure that he’s cared for after the fact, going back to what Laura was saying earlier.

Andrew: Nicole, we are often – well, I say we – but some of us on the panel are often hard on Dumbledore. I’m curious, where do you land on this matter?

Nicole: I go back and forth, but at the end of this chapter, as a parent in 2025, the fact that Harry was alone with Snape, all this goes down, and Snape just sends him on his way… it’s like, why was no one else there? They should not have been alone. So right now, Dumbledore is not high on my list after this chapter.

Andrew: Yeah. And I don’t really blame Harry for not coming up with this idea, but maybe Harry should have gone to McGonagall and said, “Snape is being really tough on me during these lessons. Can we do something? Can you sit in? Can I bring a friend? Bring a Friend to Occlumency Day?” [laughs]

Nicole: He’s 15. This is a 15-year-old boy thing.

Micah: He needs his emotional support Hippogriff.

[Nicole laughs]

Laura: Aww.

Andrew: He does! Yeah, “Can I at least bring my ESH to the lessons?”


Odds & Ends


Micah: All right, well, a couple of odds and ends for this chapter. We’ve done a lot of thread connecting to Prisoner of Azkaban; we’ll throw one more in, which is Madam Marsh. She loves herself some Knight Bus, right, Nicole?

[Andrew laughs]

Nicole: I went back to the third book. Poor Madam Marsh. All we know about her is she gets motion sick but she keeps going back on that Knight Bus.

Andrew: She’s a super fan.

Laura: She can’t get enough.

Nicole: Can’t get enough of it.

Andrew: Maybe she’s got an annual pass. All you can ride pass.

Micah: And then Hermione makes the connection between Sturgis Podmore and the Department of Mysteries, and then Ron mentions that people who work there are called Unspeakables, so we’re getting a little bit more information about the department.


Superlative of the Week


Micah: And that takes us to our best Snape or Sirius dig of the week.

Andrew: Yeah, my favorite was Sirius calling Snape “Snivellus,” because we see this name come up in a few chapters when we experience Snape’s Worst Memory. So I just love the tie-in there, because it just speaks to how long these two have hated each other. It’s to the point where Sirius is still throwing this name at Snape, and they are adults now.

Laura: I’m going to give it to Snape for the “speaking of dogs” moment. Snape, to be honest with you, I feel like his comebacks are far more clever than Sirius’s; I think Snape is a lot quicker on his feet. And if I were to rate who I thought won the disagreement between the two of them, it would have been Snape, to be honest with you. But I love how layered this statement is, because it originates from Sirius first accusing Snape of being Lucius’s lapdog. Snape fires back and says, “speaking of dogs,” and he’s literally talking about Sirius and Lucius. I think in that moment, it’s not just a statement about “He recognized your Animagus form on the platform”; it’s also him literally calling Sirius and Lucius both dogs, like he doesn’t think very much of either of them. So I appreciated that. I thought it was clever.

Micah: Yeah, I like the line that Snape delivered to Sirius… I guess there was conversation about him saying that he would go to Dumbledore if he found out that Harry was being mistreated by Snape, and he went on to say, “Are you afraid he might not take the advice of a man who has been hiding inside his mother’s house for six months very seriously?” Emphasis on the “seriously.”

Andrew: [laughs] And Nicole?

Nicole: Yeah, I picked this, I think, in the similar paragraph. Snape, again, he said, “Merely that I am sure you must feel – ah – frustrated by the fact that you can do nothing useful.” So he hit Sirius where it hurts, where the best thing he could offer the Order was his house, and kind of ended there.

Andrew: Yeah, you’ve got to feel for Sirius. He wants to do more and he can’t. His hands are tied.


Lynx Line


Micah: Well, over on the Lynx Line, where we ask MuggleCast listeners who are members of our Patreon a question of the week, this week it was: What could possibly make Voldemort the happiest he has ever been? Wrong answers only.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Wrong answers only. Jeff said, “Someone finally asked him the prom.”

Laura: Aww.

Micah: Badgerforth said, “Being asked to be the best man at Dumbledore and Grindelwald’s wedding.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: Katie says, “A cute new two-piece swimsuit and matching dollar flip-flops that he got on sale from Old Navy.”

Andrew: Good one. Summer’s coming.

Laura: Yeah. [laughs]

Nicole: Jen, “A nose ring!”

Andrew: [laughs] Laura, you’ve got one of those. We could give Voldemort yours.

Laura: I do. Well, it’s actually a septum ring.

Andrew: Oh, sorry, sorry.

Laura: No, I’m kidding.

Micah: I mean, I would just have stopped at nose.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: He gets a nose!

Nicole: A nose job.

Andrew: I think he should get a nose ring, and he’d be like, [imitating Voldemort] “Where do I put this? Where do I put this?!”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Danielle said, “Being gifted a trip to the Universal theme parks to play with plastic wands and be surrounded by happy Muggles.” [laughs] That’s great.

Micah: Rachel says, “A life-size cutout of Dumbledore in his apartment.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: He’s just Avada Kedavra-ing it all day. It’s just totally blown to a billion pieces by the end of the first day.

Laura:Avada Kedavra!” And it’s just tattered ruins of cardboard. [laughs]

Andrew: Was that Voldemort sneezing or saying “Avada Kedavra“? I couldn’t tell.

Laura: I think it was a combination of both.

[Andrew imitates Voldemort sneezing]

Laura: [laughs] Next one is from Christa, who says, “Being hugged by Draco first.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Nice shout-out to that awkward moment in Deathly Hallows – Part 2.

Andrew: Amazing. If that doesn’t get brought over to the TV show, I swear to God. That has to be.

[Laura laughs]

Nicole: Non-negotiable. Stephen said, “Going to Disney World and getting pictures with all the Disney princesses.”

Andrew: Aww.

Nicole: That would be fun.

Andrew: Carly said, “Reading a Dramione fanfic.” Yeah.

Micah: And Kathleen closes us out: “World peace, and a long walk on the beach at sunset with his bae.”

Andrew: [laughs] Aww. Thanks, everyone. And don’t forget, you can participate in the Lynx Line every week by becoming a patron at Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and if you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. And next week, we’ll discuss Order of the Phoenix Chapter 25, “The Beetle at Bay.” Check out our other weekly podcasts, What the Hype?! and Millennial, for more pop culture and real world talk from the four of us. Over on What the Hype?! in recent weeks, you can find The Last of Us coverage. If you’ve been watching that TV show, definitely check it out. And over on Millennial, we’re talking about Millennials taking mini-retirements, and if this is possible for ourselves. I think that’s where Eric is this week; they’re taking a mini-retirement.

Laura: Ah, mini-retirement. I’ll have to ask them what that’s like.

Andrew: I’m jealous.

Micah: For their birthday!

Andrew: Yeah, happy birthday, Eric.

Laura: That’s right! Happy birthday, Eric.

Andrew: Their birthday was April 23.


Quizzitch


Andrew: So Micah, you’re in the Quizzitch seat this week, I think. It’s time for Quizzitch.

Micah: [laughs] Let’s do it.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Micah: This week’s Quizzitch question was what actor/comedian once eschewed autographs in favor of handing out cards reading, “This certifies that you have had a personal encounter with me and that you found me warm, polite, intelligent, and funny”? And I think this was drawn from the experience we had in meeting Gilderoy Lockhart in the last chapter. The correct answer is the world-renowned comedian Steve Martin, and 88% of people with the correct answer admitted to looking it up.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: So a little bit of a tough one there; only 12% didn’t have to look it up. But that was actually kind of cool. Correct answers were submitted by A Healthy Breeze; Buckbeak’s Emotional Support Snack Rats; Buff Daddy; Build an Umbridge and Get Over It…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: … Every day I’m Hufflin’; Jmax; Huffle-Puffle; I literally watched the Pink Panther remake last night… I’m sorry.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Kristen the Ravenclaw; Liam the Youngling; Longbottoms Up; Mary pop-lock and Drop-inns; Stray Kneazle; and the one and only Tofu Tom. Next week’s Quizzitch question: What part of the human brain, in addition to aiding cognitive functions like attention and planning, is also involved with the storing of long-term memories?

Andrew: Oooh.

Micah: You can submit your Quizzitch answers over on MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch.

Andrew: Nicole, thanks so much for joining us today. It was great having you on. Thanks for sitting in the Eric seat, if you will. [laughs]

Nicole: So exciting.

Micah: Yeah, you were great.

Nicole: Thank you.

Andrew: And we really appreciate your support at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. Listeners, we would appreciate your support there, too, and check out all the benefits. We have lots to offer there, including two new bonus MuggleCast episodes every month. And like we said earlier, we’re going to be recording a new one that will be out later this week, in which we’re talking about scenes from the Order of the Phoenix book that we want brought over to the TV show. Also, don’t forget to leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, and do tell a friend about the show if you think you have some friends that could use some more Harry Potter friends in their lives. Thanks, everyone, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Nicole: And I’m Nicole.

Andrew: Bye, everyone.

Laura: Bye, y’all.

Transcript #702

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #702, Emotional Support Hippogriff (OOTP Chapter 23, Christmas on the Closed Ward)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: And I’m Micah.

Andrew: We are your Harry Potter friends talking about the books, the movies, and the forthcoming TV show, so make sure you follow the show in your favorite podcast app so you never miss a new episode. And on this week’s episode, please tell the nearest teenager to stick right where they are – Dumbledore’s orders – because we are discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 23, “Christmas on the Closed Ward,” ho ho! You know, I was going to bust out a Santa hat, but it’s packed away deep in the Christmas bins. I was like, “Oh, that’s a lot of work for a Santa hat.”

Eric: I have one, but it’s just out of reach.

Andrew: Oh, all right. Well, Eric and I are wearing, frankly, one of the best Christmas gifts ever: a MuggleCast T-shirt, our “19 Years Later” T-shirts. [laughs]

Eric: That’s right; it even makes a good Christmas in July shirt.

Andrew: It sure does. You can actually get these on our overstock store right now, MuggleMillennial.etsy.com; we’ll have a link in the show notes. While supplies last, we have these available. We gave these to patrons for free last year. We have some extras, and we’re selling them in the overstock store now, so please don’t miss out. This is a very special anniversary shirt. MuggleCast, 19 years old, 19 years later. This is our epilogue year. Please grab them while you can; they are great shirts.

Eric: And I must say – though I’m surprised if we haven’t joked about this already – but we all, 19 years later, have aged more gracefully than the cast did in that original epilogue.

Andrew: [laughs] Yes, we have aged like a fine wine.

Micah: And I would have worn my MuggleCast shirt tonight, but I wanted some balance amongst the three of us, right?

Andrew: That’s fair, yeah. Well, Micah, we eagerly await you wearing the shirt next week. [laughs]

Micah: Next week.

Andrew: Okay. We’ll send a memo to Laura, too, and you two can match next week.

Micah: Sounds good.


News


Andrew: Well, 19 years later, believe it or not, we are still talking about Harry Potter casting news, and Warner Bros. finally officially announced the first six Harry Potter TV show cast members. Now, four of them we already knew about; John Lithgow, who has made it no secret that he is playing Dumbledore in recent weeks, was confirmed, as was Janet McTeer. She’ll play McGonagall, Paapa Essiedu will play Snape, and Nick Frost will play Hagrid. There were two more cast announcements we had heard no rumors about: Luke Thallon will play Quirrell, and Paul Whitehouse will play Argus Filch. Luke Thallon, only 29 years old. He’s a little younger than when Ian Hart portrayed Quirrell in the movie. Luke Thallon, also a bit of a unknown. He’s only had roles in theater; hasn’t really had any on-screen roles.

Eric: It seems really cool. What I love about the youth and the other characters that we’re now getting is… obviously, this is Hagrid, McGonagall, Dumbledore; there for the whole series. Quirrell is a character just in the first book. And so now we’re kind of able to look at who are the characters that are going to flesh out the world within the confines of this story of this year? And we can start to see how the season will take shape, not just how the series will take shape, if that makes sense.

Andrew: If I’m Paul Thallon, I’m like, “Oh my God, I got cast in the Harry Potter TV show? Oh, it’s just the first season? Oh, bummer.”

Eric: But there are no small parts! You’ve got to make it your own. He actually has more time, maybe four or five times more time, than Ian Hart did to make a lasting Quirrell impression.

Andrew: That’s true.

Micah: It’s got to set the tone, right? This is the first adaptation. And look, Quirrell gets a reference in this chapter that we’re about to delve into in Order of the Phoenix.

Eric: Plus, it’s our first connection to Voldemort, the man who’s actively trying to kill a baby still.

Micah: Now, that’s going to be interesting, though, to see who gets cast as Voldemort.

Andrew: Yeah. Who fits well on the back of Luke Thallon’s head?

[Eric laughs]

Micah: And will that ultimately be different than who gets cast as Voldemort in Goblet of Fire?

Eric: Ohhh.

Andrew: Ooh, that’s a good question.

Eric: Or are they going to go ahead and cast Voldemort the whole way through? That would be wild.

Andrew: Yeah, like, “Oh, we’ll see you again in three years when we shoot Season 4 of the Harry Potter TV show”? Or maybe they can include Voldemort in Movies 2 and 3 with… I don’t know, we get some behind-the-scenes looks at, I don’t know, Pettigrew working with him or something like that. That could be cool. Yeah, we’ll have to see.

Micah: Why not seven? Why did we go with six?

Andrew: I thought the same!

Eric: The seventh one better be Peeves the poltergeist; that is who I want to know. Not even that I care who is getting cast – I’m sure they’ll do a great job – but I want to know that that character is in the movies. Because I think it’s the natural progression; if you’re not going to tell us about the kids, who’s the next most important character in the first book? It’s Peeves.

Andrew: I’m sure they have a seventh cast member already locked in they could have thrown into this announcement…

Eric: Let’s hope.

Andrew: … to your point, Micah, make a beautiful round seven-person casting announcement. Paul Whitehouse; I mentioned he’s going to play Argus Filch. He’s got the Filch Look, no doubt about that. He’s had a lengthy film career, but get this: He actually played Sir Cadogan in the Prisoner of Azkaban movie!

Eric: Ha!

Andrew: He had a little cameo in a portrait. So this is our first Harry Potter movie-to-TV-show actor crossover; I thought that was kind of fun.

Eric: Oh, man! He’s double dipping!

Micah: If you had money on Sir Cadogan, you just made bank.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: He would not have been at the top of my list as far as movie-to-TV crossover.

Andrew: Yeah, switching roles, too. It’ll be interesting to see if any other… because obviously, there were so many, well, children and adult actors in the Harry Potter movies. Are we going to see any other crossovers? Didn’t Jason Isaacs say he wanted to play Lily Potter or something like that in the TV show? [laughs]

Eric: Hermione. He always says Hermione, yeah.

Andrew: [laughs] Was it cut? Was that Sir Cadogan cameo cut? Kyle is saying it was cut.

Eric: I think so. I seem to remember going through the deleted scenes for that DVD, and it’s a minute-long clip of the knight brandishing his sword.

Andrew: Okay. Well, that makes it even more interesting; it’s almost like he got a second chance at appearing in a Harry Potter work. Thank you, Kyle, who’s listening live. So those are the updates for now. Continue to stick with MuggleCast for continuing coverage of the Harry Potter TV show. We’re also covering all the news on our social media channels, so hop on to Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, etc.; search for and follow MuggleCast to stay on top of the latest Harry Potter TV show news. And if you love MuggleCast and want to help us keep things running as efficiently as St. Mungo’s does, please visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledge today. You’ll get instant access to over 150 bonus MuggleCast episodes; you’ll get ad-free episodes of the show; you’ll get a new physical gift every year; you’ll have the chance to cohost the show one day, and a lot more. We could not do this without you, and we appreciate you more than I think Neville appreciates a good gum wrapper. Eric, what’s coming up in bonus MuggleCast this week? We’re recording a new one?

Eric: Yes, of course. Now, we have taken to playing some games sometimes on bonus MuggleCast. We’ve always done that, but recently there was a board game day in Chicago between Micah, myself, and Meg. Today we will be playing Skribbl, the fantastic online drawing game. We have a series of words developed by Meg that are all Harry Potter-themed. And basically, it’s kind of like Pictionary and other games where you have to guess what the other one is drawing. And so the three of us will be playing that game. There are extra points awarded to how quickly you get it, and if nobody gets it, it’s a sad, sad day.

Micah: Didn’t we do a version of this at LeakyCon in Portland?

Eric: It is very familiar, although I must promise that in the last two years I’ve gotten better at drawing Thestrals, if I happen to have to do that.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: Okay.

Eric: But yeah, it’s going to be great. And like I mentioned, all of the bonus MuggleCasts that we’ve done are just still on our Patreon, and it’s something I always point out to new patrons too. There’s so much content on there now.

Andrew: Yeah, and it’s fun for us to… as much as we enjoy doing Chapter by Chapter, it’s fun to play games, to your point, Eric, or discuss other elements of the wizarding world, because we don’t have time for it on the main show. One other great way to support us: I mentioned the overstock store and the shirts Eric and I are wearing tonight that you can buy while supplies last, but another great way to support us is to pick up merch at MuggleCastMerch.com. Also, tell a friend about the show, and please leave a review of MuggleCast in your favorite podcast app. Finally, visit MuggleCast.com for quick access to all this information and lots more, like our contact form.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: And now without further ado, it’s time for Chapter by Chapter: Order of the Phoenix Chapter 23, “Christmas on the Closed Ward.”

Eric: We last discussed this chapter in Episode 460, which was titled “Loony Lockhart.” Gee, I wonder why? Kind of a weird character to bring up in the middle of Book 5. That episode was from April 7 of 2020, and here’s our clip.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 460.

Andrew: And also just an example of how Harry isn’t thinking of who he can go to for help. Ginny should have seemed like a really obvious choice.

Eric: Yeah.

Micah: I also found it odd that these two were both possessed in some way by Voldemort, but yet they end up getting married, so I wondered if that was a common thing that they bonded over.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: “Hey, babe, you remember when you were possessed by Voldemort?” And Ginny is like, “Actually, no.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: “But I’ll pretend I do for you.”

Micah: “Go back to bed, Harry.”

Eric: Oh, gosh.

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Andrew: In my dating profile I’m going to add “being possessed by Voldemort” as a trait I’m looking for in another person.

Eric: Oh, man.

Micah: Let us know how that goes.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, let’s see what my partner thinks of that. My current partner.

[Eric laughs]


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Eric: So in the beginning of this chapter… we’ve said this; I think we could have started any of the last 20 chapters like this. But Harry is in a bad place, you guys. [laughs] And it is not helped by… he at least now has a word for what he may have been experiencing, but it’s not a good word; it’s “possessed.” And Harry ultimately feels unworthy and tarnished and tainted and poisonous, and he takes to essentially distancing himself from everyone more than he was before that. As they’re heading on the train, on the underground back from St. Mungo’s to Grimmauld Place, he’s not sitting with anyone else because he’s worried either Voldemort is going to look straight through his head and see them and attack them the way that Harry wanted to attack Dumbledore, or that he’s putting them at risk just in general from being around them. It’s just not a great place to be in.

Micah: No, and I know you said that Harry has been in a bad place in past chapters, but now he’s in a baaaad place. This is probably some of the more challenging text to read throughout the Harry Potter series. And yes, he is comparing himself to Quirrell; he thinks Voldemort might burst out of his skull. But going off of what you were saying, Eric, when he’s on the underground, it’s noted that he feels “dirty, contaminated, as though he were carrying some deadly germ, unworthy to sit on the underground train back from the hospital with innocent, clean people whose minds and bodies were free of the taint of Voldemort.” Just think about that for a second, a 15-year-old feeling that way.

Andrew: Yeah. I think he feels like his personal space was violated.

Eric: It was.

Andrew: His body was taken over, yeah. So I can see why he would be feeling that way. I don’t want to get too specific or grim here, but I think there are people in our real world who feel this way when they are, let’s say, taken advantage of.

Eric: These are common feelings for those who’ve suffered assault and all sorts of horrible things, and it’s this guilt where… we see it with Harry; he blames himself for not being able to control the fact that Voldemort is possessing him, or he thinks he is. And that’s not logical, but emotions are not logical. Essentially, Harry thinks that he should either be better at defending himself, or identifying what it is and stopping, but in his failure to do that, he is now harming himself by isolating himself, and essentially, in this chapter, plans to move back to Privet Drive, where he will be absolutely not wanted and even further abused, but at least further away from the people that he cares about.

Micah: And the other quote that I just wanted to mention from this opening two pages: He starts to think that he’s actually the weapon that is being referred to by the Order earlier on in this book, but it’s noted that “it was as though poison were pumping through his veins,” and we can analyze that on a number of different levels; poison being Voldemort, poison being the Horcrux, poison being this uncleanliness that he was referencing earlier… maybe it’s a combination of all of those things. But again, for a 15-year-old to have to go through this is disheartening, and I thought reading back, the first two or so pages of this chapter were just very hard to read. And shame on the adults for not engaging Harry more. We see Mrs. Weasley make an attempt; she clearly knows that something is off with Harry, but there are more adults in this equation, and none of them really step up to try and help him.

Eric: That’s a real shame.

Andrew: Somebody definitely should have been Harry’s mentor during this time, and I know, Micah, you in particular… I’m fearing that we’re going to be fighting a couple times during today’s episode.

Micah: Let’s go.

Andrew: You’ve been very critical of Dumbledore, and I agree to an extent, but Dumbledore does have his reasons to not make a direct connection and have a direct conversation with Harry. And honestly, Dumbledore avoiding Harry is very compelling from a reader standpoint. Why is Dumbledore avoiding him like this? Why is Dumbledore giving him the cold shoulder? So you have to keep that in mind. But I think Harry should have probably been offered some sort of middle man between he and Dumbledore, who could relay information back and forth. Now, how you explain this to Harry in a way that will please him, that will satisfy him? I don’t know exactly, but something should have been put in place of Dumbledore and Harry talking to one another directly.

Eric: Yeah, and if it’s a question of trust, there are people in the Order that you can trust; I think McGonagall is one such person who could interact with Harry, both as his Head of House, but then also as a liaison to Dumbledore. I think that at the end of this book when Harry is going around smashing things – and rightly so – Dumbledore talks about how much he cares for Harry, and, “Oh, I didn’t tell you the truth then, because I care for you so much,” or, “Oh, bless, it’s old age; I care about you so much,” and it’s like, well, if you care… it’s one thing to come straight out and risk everything you’re trying to do with the Order by showing up in front of Harry and having Voldemort burst through. Okay, I get it. But deputize someone, because if you care… this child is suffering, and now it’s been going on for months, and he’s just had a dream that had real world consequences, and he woke up and he had to tell his best friend and his entire family, six siblings and a parent, that he saw it happen and then find out that it was real. You absolutely need to step up your game, Dumbledore. Get somebody out there to talk to him, and the person that eventually gets appointed with the handling Harry situation, Snape, is completely the wrong person for this.

Andrew: [laughs] Well, yeah, I mean, he’s good at teaching Occlumency; that’s why he is given this role, right? And by the way, we just have to wait till the next chapter. There isn’t too much time to wait before Dumbledore really starts putting some plans into action to help Harry out.

Eric: Well, that means that when we’re discussing this chapter, we have to go as hard as possible against Dumbledore. [laughs]

Andrew: No, but you also have to understand this chapter is set around the holidays, right? Dumbledore was just planning to circle back after the holidays in terms of taking…

Eric: [imitating Dumbledore] “Gonna circle back.”

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Yeah, let’s put a pin in this until after the holidays.”

Eric: Well, I will say, in the absence of these adults… and it’s worth noting, right? Even Sirius… Harry came to Sirius last chapter; we talked on last week’s episode about how that was insufficient, because actually, one of the reasons is that Sirius and the other adults haven’t been prepped with what they are allowed to say to Harry and what they might expect to come from him. I think part of the reason that Harry feels toxic, or this might inform it, is because they think he’s radioactive a little bit. They’re probably, against their best interests, keeping a distance from Harry, or even if that’s true only 1% of the time, he’s going to perceive that because he’s under a magnifying glass right now and he’s going to further retreat into himself. So it’s really not a good state, just to get into that. But there is one adult that comes over to Harry, and it’s Phineas Nigellus Black, former headmaster of Hogwarts. And Harry is pulling his trunk out the door – the carpet is stuck, otherwise he would have been gone – and Phineas Nigellus Black says, “Hey, I’ve got a message from Dumbledore,” and Harry is like, “Oh? Oh, yeah?” And he says, “Yeah, stay put.”

Andrew: [laughs] That’s the message!

Eric: Thanks, Dumbledore. Wasn’t there…? I’m imagining a party… that thing you blow, but one that sounds completely pathetic. [imitates a sad kazoo]

Andrew: Womp, womp. Yeah. Well, and then Harry gets angry at this information, and then Phineas snaps at Harry, basically telling him, “Oh, Harry, you’re just another know-it-all kid. Dumbledore has never actually put you into trouble when you listen to his instructions. All you kids are exactly the same.” And I do have to say that Phineas is right, to an extent. Harry is the age where he thinks – and all teenagers think – they’re know-it-alls; they don’t want to listen to adults. They’re a little bit entitled, and that it’s their way or the broomway.

Eric: The broomway!

Andrew: And to Phineas’s point, Harry even pouts back to his bed and throws himself face down on the mattress. Total “I didn’t get my way” type of move.

Eric: He’s complying! He’s not leaving.

Andrew: Yeah, and I’m glad he complied, but he’s pouting about it. “Uh.” He made that noise, too. “Uh.” So correct me if I’m wrong, but some people have said they don’t really like Harry in this book. I’m starting to understand why. [laughs]

Eric: Gee, I wonder why? Well, not because he’s this way. I don’t like Harry in this book because he’s made to suffer, not because he’s unhappy. You’d be unhappy too, right? We all would. But it’s the combination of everything that’s happening to him externally that he’s reacting to, and then everything that’s happening internally, that’s being put on him by the circumstances that he didn’t ask for, and nobody that is equipped to help him navigate some of these things is allowed to help him, and the people he’s surrounded with are out of their depth. So it’s just a sticky situation to be in. Harry is in a better place, I think, in almost every book, and after the Parselmouth encounter in Book 2 might be the only other time when it’s just really like nobody can help him, and Dumbledore then is there to provide some comfort. But it’s just kind of too little, too late on the part of Phineas Nigellus, and Harry is reminded that at the beginning of the book when the Dementor attack happened, what was he told? “Stay put.”

[Micah laughs]

Eric: And so that’s not a solution. Well, Dumbledore is communicating absolutely as effectively as he can and as directly as he can…

Andrew: Thank you.

Eric: … but he’s not taking into account… as right as Phineas may be about attitudes or whatever, Dumbledore is just not addressing Harry’s very obvious panic and emotional… the way that he’s feeling, and unclean and everything.

Micah: It just goes against everything that a 15-year-old would want to do in this particular situation. And who is Phineas Nigellus Black to give Harry any direction on what he should be doing?

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Micah: He hasn’t even interacted with him before up until this point. And I think this is something that we mentioned the last time we did this Chapter by Chapter, but isn’t it a bit strange that Dumbledore has a direct line into Harry’s bedroom?

Andrew: Yeah…

Eric: He doesn’t use it.

Micah: No, he just spies on him.

Andrew: Well, it’s not like it’s Dumbledore sitting there watching. It is Phineas, so it’s…

Eric: Well, you know what’s weird about it, though? And I agree it’s weird, but Harry recognizes Phineas Nigellus’s voice because he’s heard it before.

Micah: From the video game.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Well, okay, there’s one thing about the video game I want to say. But first, no, he recognizes Phineas’s voice, so I looked back at the original chapters when Harry first arrives, finds his bedroom, etc. There’s no conversation. The portrait is empty; it’s just an empty frame. But in a particular moment when Harry is complaining about Dumbledore, Harry hears from the frame a snigger.

Micah: He agrees with him, probably.

Eric: So this is a common theme with… Phineas has already made up his mind about Harry’s attitude problem and authority problem, and he’s done it three months ago, so this comes to a head. The thing about the video game I want to mention is where do we think Phineas Nigellus Black got a distaste for Hogwarts students from? Oh, maybe the events of Hogwarts Legacy. Maybe it was your punk character that impersonates him, I think… what, spells him out of the way? And does some really weird stuff, confesses all the wrong secrets and stuff to the whole school. I like to think it was our Hogwarts Legacy characters that gave Phineas this chip on his shoulder.

Andrew: Before we move along in the chapter, I want to say a couple more things: First of all, in the next scene that we’re going to discuss, even Hermione tells Harry to stop feeling misunderstood, which is kind of similar to what Phineas is saying. “Stop pouting. Get with it. Wake up.” And that’s Harry’s best friend. And number two – and this is a point for Harry – Harry is worried that he’s being used as a weapon by Voldemort, and at that moment it might not be exactly true, but by the end, Voldemort is using his connection to Harry to take advantage of him. He lures him into his trap by the end of this book. So Harry was right to be concerned about this type of thing happening, and it’s probably something Dumbledore should have anticipated sooner, as I think Micah lectured me about last week.

Eric: Well, that’s an interesting point, because the comfort then that Harry feels in the next scene, starting in the next scene and lasting through the rest of the chapter, is sort of, in a way, false comfort and false hope. After he rules out being possessed, nevertheless there is an opportunity there for Voldemort to abuse the connection between them.

Micah: I don’t know that it’s necessarily full-on possession.

Eric: It’s not.

Micah: It’s almost just mind penetration and trickery. But it’s not the same thing as what Ginny went through.

Eric: So Harry, after he’s done “Uh!”…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … headfirst into the bed; “I’m so misunderstood.” Gets up and decides to hide in another room, Buckbeak’s room, and there he is found by Hermione. And here’s the thing: There have been a few conversations, a few kind of tough conversations between Harry and Hermione in this chapter or in this book so far, but for some reason, this one works, because I think it arises from genuine concern. Ginny is in there, Ron is in there, Hermione is in there, and they’re able to just… yes, they tell Harry to not flip out and stuff, but what they’re saying is “A lot of what you’re feeling is in your head, or it’s a confirmation bias. So it’s not that we’re avoiding you. You are literally going to Buckbeak’s room; we couldn’t even find you the first four rooms we looked in. You’re avoiding us, and we would like you to not do that, because we want to be with you, even despite this info.” And I think it’s just that forced care, that forceful care, that really at first helps break through and soften things for Harry.

Andrew: Yeah, I think sometimes when you’re really down in the dumps, you can have a hard time reaching out for help, or thinking that people won’t want to help you, or maybe you don’t want to open up. And you can see why Harry wouldn’t want to open up; he feels dirty, he feels violated, he’s feeling things he’s never felt before, so I can see why he would really be closed off. But good on Hermione for forcing her way forward and talking to Harry, because who knows how much longer this would have went on for?

Micah: She doesn’t have any time for that, and I think that’s honestly one of the refreshing things about her. And she wasn’t somebody, though, that was a part of this situation that Harry and Ron and the other Weasleys were for the last several days, right? She was removed from everything that had been happening to Mr. Weasley, so to get somebody that’s a little bit more so on the outside of what was going on, she just comes in and she’s not standing for any of it. I think she knows Harry in a way that Ron doesn’t, and they just connect differently than Ron and him do. And let’s not forget, this happened to Ron’s dad; it didn’t happen to Hermione’s dad. It didn’t happen to a relative of hers, so it’s a little bit of a different dynamic. And I’m not sure that even though Ron can sit there and be like, “Yeah, man, I’ve been trying to talk to you for the last couple hours or the last couple days,” has he really, though? We haven’t really heard about Ron approaching…

Eric: Whoa! This has become a… it went from a Dumbledore assassination episode to a Ron assassination episode.

Micah: I’m just… Ginny says some similar things, but we haven’t really been told about them approaching him. He’s secluded himself in the house, and I’m sure it’s a big house with lots of rooms and not easy to find him if he doesn’t want to be found, but I’m not sure how much effort has been made, to be honest with you.

Eric: Well, I’ll defend Ron here just very quickly and say that Ron might actually be thinking that he’s respecting Harry by giving him space. Different people have different ways of coping and cooling down, and sometimes that is isolation. Isolation is not always negative or always harmful in the way that it is clearly for Harry, because he feels like poison. But I think that Ron, in addition to not knowing what to say – he’s not as emotionally intelligent, maybe, as Hermione might be – but he also respects Harry enough to realize that sometimes you do need to just be alone.

Andrew and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: Definitely. And I did find it somewhat interesting that Harry feels safe with Buckbeak; that’s where he goes to hide away. And it’s also somewhat comical that Buckbeak is still eating rats.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: There’s a lot throwing it back to Prisoner of Azkaban.

Andrew: I think this proves that Buckbeak is actually Harry’s emotional support hippogriff. That’s canon now.

Eric: Well, there aren’t any other hippogriffs in the running.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

[“I declare canon!” sound effect plays with thunder]

Andrew: Emotional support animals are really hot right now.

Eric: We’re going to bring that back. That segment… that clip has got to play more. So the biggest thing, and this is a great moment for Ginny – I’m a huge fan of Ginny; no surprise there – but she comes in, matter of fact, her emotions are set aside… except they’re not, because she wants to help Harry. You can feel it; she wants to help him. But she just straight up says, “Do you remember what you’re doing half the time? Do you know how you get everywhere that you get?” And Harry is like, “Yeah.” She’s like, “You weren’t possessed. I know because I was possessed, you’ll recall, and I didn’t know… I would wake up places, not know how I got there, etc., etc.” And this is really the first chink in the armor. This is the first time Harry knowing enough about magic to know that certain types of magic really are funneled into certain different ways that this beyond a shadow of a doubt… this tiny little question about maybe he wasn’t possessed; maybe the adults are wrong. Maybe it’s the wrong word. Maybe there’s hope for him not being the weapon, or for him not being toxic to his friends. All of this hope kind of overwhelms Harry’s faculties, and even during the conversation as it continues, as this sort of intervention continues, he’s immediately feeling better, and it’s all because somebody said, “Hey, I had this experience, and that’s not what you’re going through. Not to invalidate; you’re definitely going through something, but it ain’t that.” And Ginny is the only one who could say something like that.

Andrew: Yeah, and so he starts opening up a little more, and then he starts feeling better. And by the end of this scene, his heart swells with happiness and relief, because he thinks he is not the weapon after all. And I think this moment in between Ginny and Harry is just a great example of what happens when you do go and talk to your friends or a therapist; they can help you see alternate ways of thinking that you weren’t considering before. You were just thought spiraling. You were going one direction: down, down, down. Turtles all the way down. And then here comes Ginny, being like, “Well, you weren’t possessed, and here’s why, and it’s pretty simple,” and Harry is like, “Oh my gosh, I didn’t even think of that because I was thought spiraling.”

Eric: Right. Well, it’s also a great ad campaign for having more than one friend, right? [laughs] Have a couple with different life experiences, and you’ll be stunned and surprised with the difference in perspective and how helpful it can be, to your point, Andrew.

Micah: And just looking at the situation holistically, I think we need to keep in mind Harry is 15 years old here. He’s not an adult, and it’s easy for us to sit here and to criticize his actions, but he’s a kid who, for the better part of his life, was forced to live in isolation. He lived under his aunt and uncle’s staircase, and it’s fair to say that he doesn’t know how to ask for help, and the adults that could be helping him are behaving like children themselves.

Eric: Any in particular?

Micah: Dumbledore.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: But we’ll talk more about that.

Eric: I thought you were going to say Sirius, and I’m relieved. Phew!

Andrew: To Eric’s point about having different friends who give you different perspectives, I’m friends with Micah because it keeps me humble about Dumbledore. Alternate perspective.

Eric: It’s good for you!

Andrew: No, but I’ll build on your point, Micah, and just add that I don’t think any kid knows how to express their feelings or ask for help; it’s very rare in kids Harry’s age. And to your point, that’s why Dumbledore or another adult should have been more helpful in getting Harry to talk.

Eric: Yeah. I mean, although no one really knows what anyone else is going through, I think it’s pretty darn obvious that Harry Potter has been through more than anyone else in this whole world every one of the last several years. And if anyone needs a hug or an extra person to come in and say, “Hey, you all right?”, it’s going to be Harry.

Andrew: Or an emotional support hippogriff. Carly, listening live, says, “Buckbeak is actually Sirius’s emotional support hippogriff.” I agree with that.

Eric: Are we going to re-declare canon?

Andrew: [laughs] Nah.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: I re-declare canon!

Eric: His word is true! So the big thing for me, too, is I would love it if we all – us as people in the real world, and the characters in the books – just were actually better about asking for help and reaching out to others when we’re feeling undone. If I’m getting down – and lately it’s happened a bit about different things happening in the world – talking it out, not even with someone I’m paying – a therapist, who’s great – but still, anyone. Talking it, saying it out loud, having a sounding board, somebody who cares about me as a sounding board is great. Martha is fantastic at listening.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: My cat, but also Meg. And it doesn’t have to be… if you catch up with somebody you haven’t heard about, you’d be surprised to know what their perspective on something might be.

Andrew: Yeah. I like talking about my issues with my emotional support hippogriff. But a good therapist will also tell you “You shouldn’t just rely on me to express your frustrations to. Talk to your friends.” Or you shouldn’t just rely on your romantic partner. Trust other people; open up to other people. You can’t put all of your issues on one person. You’re meant to talk to other people.

Eric: It takes a village. But in this case, the entire Order has been more or less forbidden from coming to Harry in this manner, because Harry is a special case that is Dumbledore’s to tell what’s going on, and Dumbledore has chosen to avoid him. That’s the problem; I think to some extent, none of the adults would feel comfortable reaching out to Harry because they don’t have answers, and that’s a common trapping of adults, right? Sometimes you just need to listen, right? You don’t need to show up with the solution.

Andrew: Right.

Eric: But because Dumbledore has not really told any of the adults anything he’s thinking or anything close to what he’s thinking, they’re going to use the wrong words for things. They’re going to start thinking Harry is really being possessed, and that just makes things worse. So I think if Dumbledore was going to avoid Harry the way he has been, he should have deputized somebody to actually be the point person, actually somebody that he trusts to know a little bit more than what he’s telling Joe Schmo Order.

Andrew: Well, apparently Dumbledore and Hermione are talking; Hermione acknowledges that in the chapter, so Hermione could have been that middle man or woman. I think McGonagall could have been as well, somebody to express sympathy towards Harry and say, “I hear you. What you’re going through is tough.” There are definitely some good options who Harry, I think, would have connected with.

Eric: And I think this chapter, really, with this friend intervention, it’s really divine because these are the friends of his that he goes to the Ministry with at the end to save Sirius, to rescue Sirius. They’re all present in this room, except for Neville, who’s also present in this chapter, and… oh, maybe Luna, but she’s always supportive.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But I think this really does begin the process of Harry… it snowballs into Harry trusting others, and that’s why he even thinks of not just going alone, I think, is he’s starting to unlearn what he’s learned, to be independent and not ask for help, by the end of the book.

Andrew: I do love that when Harry is like, “Oh, but Voldemort could have transported me out of Hogwarts,” Hermione reminds him, “Well, if you actually read Hogwarts: A History, you’d know that you can’t Apparate in or out of Hogwarts.”

Eric: Well, here’s a moment when Ron steps in: Ron says, “Hey, mate, I saw you. You were in bed minutes before you woke up.”

Andrew: That too. Again, it’s basically what we’re talking about here. You start sharing your problems with people, and they help give you this array of evidence to make you actually feel better about a situation.

Eric: It’s wild.

Micah: What is interesting about what you’re saying about Ron, though, is was he willing to offer that information prior to this? Because he was clearly in a pretty challenging state of mind, given everything that had happened. Maybe if he would have shared some of that with Harry before a couple days after this all transpired, Harry might have felt a little bit better. Is that fair to say?

Eric: I don’t know that he withheld this information; I think with Ron, it’s like you have to ask a question to get a reply kind of thing. He’s not going to volunteer…

Micah: Yeah. Well, that goes back to some of my critique of him earlier, but again, he’s young. He’s the same age as Harry, and so I don’t really put blame at the feet of any of the children here. What I do have a problem with is the fact that the headmaster of the school is ten times the age of Harry in this chapter, and he’s behaving like the child. He’s not acting like the adult in the room. He’s running from Harry, “Ooh, don’t look at me, Harry. Don’t look at me.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: “Ew, cooties!”

Micah: Yeah. I mean, come on.

Eric: “I’m going to send Phineas: Go tell him to stay put.”

Andrew: Micah, let’s see how you behave yourself at 150 years old, all right? We’ll put a pin in this.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: All right, we’re going to go to an ad break while Andrew and Micah fight it out.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: No, I will agree with Andrew that I think that Dumbledore has more to deal with than Harry understands at the moment, but he’s also the one that has all of the information, and sharing is caring. And I just think there needs to be more… I think Andrew and I can agree, before we head to the break, that Dumbledore needs to be doing more in this situation.

Andrew: Yes. Micah, I agree.

Micah: There we go.

Eric: Wow, you guys resolved that. I love that.

Micah: It’s the holiday season. We need to…

Andrew: All right, we’ll see you all next week.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Micah: Episode’s over.

Andrew: We’re in a good mood because of Easter/Passover.

Eric: And now a word from our sponsors.

Micah: Well, it’s Christmas.

Andrew: Oh, in the book. I thought you were talking about the Easter holiday and Passover. Okay, never mind.

Micah: It works on both levels.

Eric: So we’ve spent a fair bit of this time on today’s episode talking about characters who don’t do emotions well. Let’s talk about some positive moments now, because it turns out, after Harry is able to turn that corner and begin to see things a little bit more hopefully, there are also gestures of good will toward man, and really lovely things happening at Christmas at 12 Grimmauld Place and St. Mungo’s. Big thing for me is Lupin in this chapter. Lupin shows up, it turns out, at Grimmauld Place just in time, because Molly has received Percy Weasley’s sweater that was returned to her. And this is the kind of thing where, again, the kids are actually avoiding Molly. They’re like, “She’s inconsolable. We tried.” Fred and George, I think, tried to comfort her; it didn’t work. And yet Lupin, an outsider in the family, shows up and is actually praised for seeing immediately what the problem was and going to her. And this goes way back to Lupin and the chocolate when Harry is suffering from the Dementor effects the first time. He has the remedy; he knows what to anticipate and how to handle it. He knew what Harry was feeling, weak for having fallen to the Dementor, and he’s just the perfect person to comfort Molly just then.

Andrew: But it’s also so awful what Percy did. Sending back a hand-knitted sweater? That is so mean. That’s your mother!

Eric: To be fair, it’s like the ninth sweater he would have gotten. The ninth Christmas sweater.

Andrew: [laughs] But he’s a growing boy; he needs a new one. The other ones probably shrunk, or he lost them, or they smell bad.

Micah: Yeah, what’s he going to wear on casual Fridays at the Ministry?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That’s a good point. I didn’t think about casual Fridays at the Ministry. [laughs] Here’s something else, and we’re going to talk eventually about the best Christmas gifts of this chapter, but Lupin and Sirius… turns out Harry’s gay uncles both go in on a gift together, and it’s a set of practical defensive magic books, and this is just an example of somebody that knows Harry nailing it. A lot of gifts that Harry gets are good, some of the gifts he gives are good, but Lupin and Sirius really understanding the assignment, because Harry is – now that he’s not distracted by the whole possession thing – already starting to lesson plan for the new year, and that’s going to be great.

Andrew: Yeah, and I think another reason this gift is so thoughtful is because they know Umbridge is not teaching them any actual defensive magic; they’re not using it in practice. So I think it’s just really nice that Lupin and Sirius are trying to help him out at a time when the DADA class at Hogwarts is useless. And also excellent here is that Lupin was the DADA teacher, so to have him now continue to help Harry is pretty cool.

Eric: Ahhh. You know what? That’s cool. He could have been like, “This is the book that I relied on to plan things.”

Andrew: Yeah, “How I taught y’all.”

Eric: Ah, that’s so cool. Lupin being, of course, the best teacher that Harry has ever had. So wrapping up on Lupin, though, there’s one other thing he does that I think is maybe the sweetest thing that he does, which is when they’re at the ward at St. Mungo’s… we all remember that Arthur has a ward guest, a bed mate who’s a werewolf, and Arthur was trying to comfort this young man – last chapter we heard about this – and he was told to stuff it. The guy didn’t want to hear what he was selling, that he has a friend who’s a werewolf. Now Lupin is showing up; everyone is there seeing Arthur, and Lupin completely unbidden, unasked, intuits that he’s going to go and say something to this other patient, and this other patient who was looking so hopeful. So even though he eschewed contact and didn’t ask Arthur to talk to the werewolf, whatever, whatever, when you see ten people walk in on Christmas and you’re alone in the hospital getting better – or for something that isn’t even getting better – you don’t know. Somebody coming over and taking the time for you just for a couple minutes, whatever they’re going to talk about, but somebody who has something in common and can give you hope. The same kind of hope Ginny gave Harry, Lupin gives to this werewolf. “It’s not all over for you.” Amazing.

Andrew: Yeah, this was really nice character development for Lupin, and I thought it highlighted how people with similarities – be it a condition, a sexuality, a background, whatever – have to look out for one another. And I think Lupin’s comfort will go a long way when it comes from another werewolf, kind of like “It gets better” thing. “My guy. My wolf.”

Eric: Yeah. No, really. And sometimes you wouldn’t trust anyone other than somebody who’d lived and walked a mile in those shoes.

Andrew: Right. Exactly, yeah.

Eric: There are too many reasons to be suspicious of it. So I also think it’s nice to see, in general, that Sirius is happier than ever. I think Sirius Black’s happiness is probably at a series high. We know that he, too, has been feeling isolated, and now because of what happened to Mr. Weasley, everyone is staying at Grimmauld Place, which is much closer to St. Mungo’s than Ottery St. Catchpole. So I think that’s a really nice thing to see. I mean, Sirius is going around humming Christmas carols.

Andrew: His home is filled with people who he loves, and he’s helping the Order out. Maybe Christmas is his favorite holiday as well. Good thing he’s so happy now, because this is his last Christmas. There’s a bunch of reasons you can see why Sirius is in a good mood right now.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: And who knows how many happy Christmases he actually even spent inside of Grimmauld Place?

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Eric: Well, and they’ve decorated, which is really nice. And in fact, I mean, Sirius is kind of lulled into a sense of whatever the opposite of alarm is, because unfortunately, we found out during this chapter they still haven’t seen Kreacher in a little while. But Sirius is in such a good mood that he also doesn’t investigate further, because this is the kind of time where even Harry is noticing, okay? That’s how you know you have a problem. Harry is like, “Hey, come to think of it, I haven’t seen Kreacher,” and Sirius is like, “Huh. Yeah, I haven’t either.”

Andrew: “I’ll circle back after the holidays.”

Eric: I’ll circle back after the… yeah, he did the Dumbledore excuse.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: And for us as the readers, it’s all being set up very craftily, especially given that Bellatrix’s photo is on full display in Kreacher’s nest – that’s what it’s referred to as – and she is later brought up at the end of the chapter as one of the main people responsible for the current conditions of Frank and Alice Longbottom. So we should definitely be very wary of where Kreacher is.

Eric: For sure. A couple other honorable mentions for people who are in good states and doing good for others: Arthur is thrilled to see people. He’s in such a good mood that he gets to confess his silliness, his folly, in trying to use Muggle stitches, which apparently wizards have never heard of, so Arthur has to explain it. And Molly, who sews, is like, “Oh, dear God, not that. Anything but that. Arthur, you didn’t.”

Andrew: Well, it serves as a vehicle to get Harry out of Arthur’s room. And stitches are effective for Muggles, so Molly is kind of overreacting here, even though it doesn’t work out for Arthur, but his attack was very unique, and that’s why the stitches weren’t working. I give him credit for trying.

Eric: No, that’s a good point. There’s no reason why stitches wouldn’t work, even on wizards, if it’s not a magically staying-open wound the way that we know it is. So there is that. And we actually see someone else in good spirits today; it’s Gilderoy Lockhart, their former DADA professor turned curious resident of the Spell Damage ward. And the interesting thing here… I’m not going to credit Lockhart for anything, but his handler is kind of going the extra mile to round up these children that just happen to walk by and they happen to remember him. They happen to notice him, recognize him. The handler pulls them into the room and says he rarely gets company, and they’re obligated, but they stay. They’re there for a decent amount of time.

Andrew: Spreading some Christmas cheer.

Micah: Do you think they feel obligated in any way?

Eric: Like, guilty?

Andrew: Because of the events of Chamber of Secrets? I think they’re feeling a little Christmas cheer; they want to spread some Christmas joy. But the handler also notes that Gilderoy never gets visitors, and I just think that speaks volumes to how fake of a person he was pre-memory-wiping.

Eric: 100%.

Andrew: He built no real connections with people during his coherent years, and so there’s nobody who loves him. And it’s sad, but it’s a reflection of who Gilderoy was. And I just loved this callback, getting Lockhart out of the blue. We never expected to see him again, and then he’s introduced over a holiday. It was a really interesting surprise that also added a lot of background to this character.

Eric: And I think, too, it just really works. There’s so many questions about who Harry is in identity and stuff, and to find Gilderoy here, it’s like a puzzle box of, well, what remnants of his identity are still in there? And what memories are coming back now a little bit?

Micah: I find it funny that we’re calling it his handler. The way I read it is it may even be his boo. They seem…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: No, Gladys Gudgeon is his boo.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: Well, she’s a fan. No, it’s just funny to me because of the way she talks. And I don’t know if it’s just kind of in cutesy speak because of the mental state of Gilderoy, or does she find herself maybe a little bit taken with him? We know he was appealing on some level to people.

Eric: A looker. What I’ll say to this, though, is that I think that that is the type of relationship that is perfectly normal and encouraged for nurses with long-term patients, is you have a familiarity.

Andrew: Yes.

Eric: What I think you’re sensing, Micah, what we’re reading in this chapter is that she genuinely cares for his wellbeing, and that’s an uncommon thing to care so much if somebody else is getting the company that they need, or getting enough company, or stopping by. So I think that’s what it is, more than any romantic thing between the two of them. I think it’s her job to take care of him, and she probably views that as, again, a holistic sense, even if it means getting him some face time with a couple of people that he obviously doesn’t remember, but who might remember him.

Micah: And it can’t be easy for her to be in that kind of job. And do you think that the reason that Lockhart is in this scene is the setup for the Longbottoms? Because we’re able, probably, on some level to laugh a little bit about seeing Gilderoy again, and he’s still in this state, but we start to realize, the more that the trio and Ginny interact with him, how sad it actually is. And then it’s this big setup for Alice and Frank, and it’s like, whoa, this is actually not all that funny at the end of the day.

Eric: Right.

Micah: And we’re seeing the real effects of the first war, like when we talk often about the first wizarding war, and it’s appropriate that we do actually meet them in this book because it is the Order of the Phoenix. This is the second coming together.

Eric: Ahh, that’s a good point.

Micah: And for them, not all negative impacts of war are felt in those that we lose. People are impacted in other ways, and we see that come to the forefront in this chapter with the Longbottoms.

Andrew: There are things worse than death.

Eric: And the greatest thing I think about, again, continuing with people making the right choice and being there emotionally for one another, is that Harry is all too protective, making sure that… and trying to get no one to watch Neville and notice him. And when that fails, every one of these kids steps up and they’re somber and they don’t ask too many questions. I think maybe Ron does. But ultimately, they’re quiet and respectful to Neville, who is in this situation.

Micah: Isn’t it interesting, though, that you go from Lockhart, who they were probably pretty comfortable making some jokes on the side about given his current state…

Eric: He did it to himself.

Micah: Well, no question, but the conditions are not all that dissimilar between him and the Longbottoms. But yet, when they get to the Longbottoms, it’s because they know Neville and because of the situation. It’s like, “Okay, wow, hold on. This actually is really serious.”

Eric: Right, well, they had that done to them. They were tortured into insanity by Bellatrix Lestrange and Rodolphus and maybe Barty Crouch, Jr.

Andrew: And I think in terms of how the kids react to Neville’s parents, I think they’re getting hit over the head with a hard dose of reality.

Micah: Yeah, exactly.

Andrew: I mean, they’re seeing firsthand just what the war did, and this is their friend’s parents. This is tough to see. And in such a raw state, too, not to mention unexpectedly. So tough times at St. Mungo’s.

Micah: There is a connecting the threads, though – like there is in much of this chapter – going back to Prisoner of Azkaban, because we get the introduction to the real Augusta Longbottom. We saw a version of her briefly in Prisoner of Azkaban via Neville’s boggart. But it is nice to meet her, even though it is under these circumstances, and it’s got to be impressive to Harry, Ron, and Hermione that she knows who they all are. It’s like one of those situations where maybe you meet your friend’s parents or somebody, and they automatically know who you are because your friend talks about you so much, but you’ve never actually…

Andrew: “Oh, I’ve heard so many good things about you.”

Micah: Yeah, it’s one of those moments. And just one other thing I wanted to mention before we wrap up the chapter is the infamous bubble gum wrapper theory. This was such a longstanding theory that somehow, some way, Alice and maybe Frank were passing messages to Neville via the bubble gum wrappers, and perhaps that would come into play in future books. Of course, we learned – think it was directly from the author – that that wasn’t the case, though. It was just a sentimental thing that she did with her son.

Eric: And yet, if you’re looking for clues, like the old J.K. Rowling website, there were bubble gum wrappers scattered all around on the desktop and around the…

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Eric: And it seemed very plausible. We mention this every time this chapter comes up, but I think a big portion of that theory comes from Wizarding World Press and The Ultimate Unofficial Guide to the Mysteries of Harry Potter. I wanted to read here because I was like, “You know, we credit it enough and we talk about this theory,” but here’s what was actually said: “First of all, who is giving the gum to his mother, and should we be suspicious of it? Neville’s mum did seem to think it was important that Neville be the one to receive the gum wrapper. Does she recognize him at all? If Neville keeps saving her wrappers, what’s he doing with all of them? Is there something special about the gum, the wrappers, or is someone doing something to them?” And it’s an open question. I mean, it was… eventually nothing came of it, but I love the possibilities of what might be occurring.

Andrew: While there wasn’t any truth to that very cool fan theory, it does end up being important because these gum wrappers mean a lot to Neville. I mean, they’re still a meaningful gift from his parents.

Eric: And that’s the thing, is whether she recognizes him or not – Alice – he’ll have this gift from her.

Andrew: Yeah, it is still a link between them. And I think you could see why Neville believes that she still recognizes her son, because she regularly hands over these gum wrappers.

Eric: And he pockets it. And Harry thinks that that’s sad, but I think it’s lovely.


Odds & Ends


Andrew: Yeah, couple of odds and ends before we wrap up today’s chapter: First of all, just rereading this chapter, it made me think that the removal of St. Mungo’s from the movies is even more shocking when you consider that Harry goes back there twice in the book. This wasn’t a one-off scene. There’s pivotal stuff happening here twice.

Eric: Eh, it’s all over Christmas break. We can just “Harry Potter, you saved my life, yes.”

Andrew: [laughs] Well, and like we said last week, this will just be one big “Max that” event.

Eric: Absolutely.

Andrew: Lots of opportunities.

Micah: And we got to meet… well, not really directly meet, but we were in the same room as Broderick Bode, and…

Eric: The Broderick Bode?

Micah: The Broderick Bode. The Unspeakable.

Eric: Oh my gosh.

Micah: And I think it was the last chapter, wasn’t it, where somebody was showing up to pay him a visit?

Eric: It was a wizard with an ear trumpet. I guess that failed to kill him, so they needed to put in the Devil’s Snare.

Micah: Yeah, so he receives a plant that will ultimately kill him. Guess they don’t screen at St. Mungo’s.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: It’s the holidays. They’re okay with letting gifts slide through on the down-low.

Eric: Did we say this last week? It’s pre-9/11.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: That’s fair.

Andrew: Yeah, you would think they would check that type of thing, because this place is about wizards and witches getting better, not worse or dying. So yeah, good call-out.


Superlative of the Week


Eric: It’s time that we talk about the Christmas gifts that were given in this chapter. What was the best gift someone received in this chapter for Christmas?

Andrew: I think it was Hagrid’s sort of mini Monster Book of Monsters book that he gave to Harry that actually is a wallet. Harry says that the wallet actually bites back at him, so in classic Hagrid fashion, it wasn’t totally spot on; there was something a little off about it. But I would want one of these wallets that bites at anybody who tries to get into my wallet. Of course, I should be able to get through. But I think it’s cool.

Eric: Yeah, maybe you stroke the bill fold or something.

Andrew: Yeah, and you whisper, “It’s me, your owner, your money daddy.”

Eric: You have to feed it money to keep it happy.

Andrew: [laughs] A dollar a day.

Eric: Pet it and take it out for walks, yeah. I’m going to go ahead… I already said this, but the defense books from Harry’s gay uncles. Thanks, Wolfstar. Literally, they don’t give two gifts; they give one gift as each other to Harry. I love it.

Micah: I’m going to go with Dobby’s picture of Harry, his painting.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Aww.

Micah: Look, it comes from the heart. And I will say this: Harry [censored] all over Dobby’s gifts. He did it in Goblet of Fire, too, and I don’t think it’s right.

Eric: No. And Harry took down all of Dobby’s hard work at the Room of Requirement, too, for Christmas break! All of the…

Micah: Right? What the f…? I’m not going to say the word, but…

Andrew: “Have a Very Harry Christmas.” That’s not a very Harry Christmas.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, come on. Dobby shows nothing but… maybe Harry should talk to Dobby about what’s going on. Your emotional support elf.

Andrew: [laughs] And then maybe Harry will start respecting those gifts that Dobby so kindly gives him.

Micah: He’s going to regret it in a couple books.

Andrew: Aww.


Lynx Line


Eric: And now let’s get over to our Lynx Line. I’m really looking forward to this segment. Picking up from the gum wrappers, we asked our patrons over on our Lynx Line, what is something someone gave you that has little or no monetary value, but which you hold absolutely dear and would be devastated to part with? What’s the story associated with it?

Andrew: Inspired by those gum wrappers, Emily said,

“I’m a teacher, and a few years ago I was working at a super toxic school. In addition to that, my husband was going through some health issues. I told my students a little about it (to explain absences), and one of my kids made the sweetest gift. He decorated a box and filled it with Reese’s and tissue paper flowers. It had a note saying, ‘I know you’re worried about your husband, but everything will be okay. Trust me.’ (I teach fifth grade, by the way.) He had also handwritten dad jokes to read to my husband. I’m at a new school now, but I will always keep the box to remember the thoughtfulness of a 10-year-old.”

Wow! That’s beautiful.

Eric: That’s amazing. Breann says,

“My dad makes a ton of different trinkets (like wooden gnomes, bonsai trees made of wire, fairy houses for kiddos) in his free time.”

Cool dad.

“Growing up, softball was always our thing. When I was hired as a softball coach at the high school I teach at, he surprised me with one of his bonsai trees sitting on one of the home run balls from my playing career that I had given to him. He had kept it all these years. It sits on my desk at school and always reminds me of him and the game that we both love.”

Micah: Amanda says,

“I have a picture of me and a stranger riding Hagrid’s Magical Creature Motorbike Adventure at Universal Orlando framed in my office. To be brief, several years ago I went on a birthday trip to Universal, but unfortunately, could not ride Hagrid’s due to my size (Universal rides are notorious for not being size inclusive). A year later, after lots of hard work, running, etc., I went back on a solo trip to Universal. When I tried the test seat and fit with no concerns, I was in tears and was so incredibly proud of myself. I shared how special this was with the team member there, and she not only escorted me to the front of the queue, she met me after the ride and gifted me this photo and shared how happy she was for me. I will never forget her kindness (she was even a Slytherin), and this photo means so much to me.”

Eric: What?!

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Sorry, this takes me out of it. I think people are lying on Lynx Line submissions. I can’t believe this.

Andrew: Oh, no. Zachary said,

“I grew up on a street with three boys I consider my brothers. All of our families treated us as such. One of my brothers’ grandmother was an accomplished musician and conductor, and would always travel and bring us stuff from wherever she went. I have a coffee mug from Zach Theatre that I refuse to part with because of the sentiment. The mug is well over a decade old, and I still use it every week. Means more now that she’s no longer with us. Side story: Out of the four of us, three got tattoos representing Moony, Padfoot, and Prongs, and as a sendoff to our childhood, we got ‘Mischief Managed’ tattooed as well.”

Eric: I love that fourth friend that was like, “I’m not getting Wormtail tattooed on me.”

Andrew: [laughs] Oh, I have an idea. The four of us – including Laura, of course – should do this, and I’ll get Wormtail since the author called my old site Wormtail-y.

Eric: Oh, that’s true!

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Okay, all right.

Andrew: I am a Slytherin, too, so I mean, I feel like that tracks, even though he was a Gryffindor.

Eric: I just looked at the… yes, the Zach Theatre is in Austin, Texas. These are really, really sweet stories. Kayla says,

“The only thing I can personally think of would be all the stuffed animals I was gifted in my childhood. I have about three that come to mind that I was given by family members, whether it be my mom, my cousin, or my dad. And even though I am no longer a child, I still have these stuffed animals because the significance of who gave it to me is what’s important. I have a fairly large stuffed tiger that’s lying down that my mom gave me when I was a baby, I have a kind of medium-sized stuffed pitbull that my cousin gave me, and I have a similarly medium-sized stuffed Rottweiler that my dad had gifted me. I keep them on my display bookshelf in my office, and will probably never give them away because of what they mean to me.”

Hey, I still have my stuffed animals too.

Andrew: I still sleep with a stuffed animal.

Eric: Really?

Micah: Pat?

Andrew: [laughs] No, his name is Lil Gouda. He’s a Squishmallow. I highly recommend a Squishmallow. I love him.

Eric: Lil Gouda?!

Andrew: Lil Gouda! That’s the official name. I didn’t… I wish I could take credit for that.

Micah: Send us a picture.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: And finally, Carlee says,

“I’m an elementary school music teacher. I have one of those accordion folders where I have kept every drawing and paper gift that students have given me over the years. I put them up on the wall the day they’re given, and at the end of the school year, they go into the folder. I love looking back at ones from previous years while I put the newest ones away. Specialist teachers are often forgotten during gift-giving times like Christmas and Teacher Appreciation, so I really do treasure every little card and coloring book page I’m given.”

Andrew: Awesome. Well, thank you, everybody who participated in this week’s Lynx Line, and listeners, you can participate by becoming a patron at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. If you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. And next week, Chapter by Chapter continues with Order of the Phoenix Chapter 24, [imitating Snape] “Occlumency.”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Check out our other weekly podcasts, What the Hype?! and Millennial, for more pop culture and real world talk from the four of us. What was up on What the Hype?! this week, you two?

Eric: We are full steam ahead on The Last of Us, HBO’s show, and there is a lot of excitement there towards the new season. Micah recently caught up, too, so we hope to see you on some of those episodes.

Micah: Yeah, looking forward to it.

Andrew: Sweet. And then over on Millennial, we were discussing why Millennials think they are pros at surviving recessions, because we’ve been through more than one at this point.

Micah: It was a good episode.

Andrew: Thanks.

Eric: Honestly, what’s the opposite of a recession, and when have I experienced it?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: In this economy?! I’ve been saying that for 12 years.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s Quizzitch question: The London entrance to St. Mungo’s features a mannequin that moves and articulates. What is the name given to the ambulatory mannequins – meaning they walk – in the first episode of the 2005 Doctor Who revival? These were, of course, the Autons, the Autons driven by the Nestene Consciousness. I can’t believe that only 24% of people did not look this up. You guys, it’s classic! But correct answers were submitted by A Healthy Breeze; Buff Daddy; Hufflepuff the magic dragon; I don’t know anything about Doctor Who, but I watched The Lego Batman Movie so I know about the little trashcan robots… that’s true. I think those are them. I learned joined-up writing to submit this answer… hilarious. It’s a Fez, Fezes Are Cool; It’s the last week of Lent, and I can’t wait to listen to MuggleCast again!; Still waiting for Micah’s cover of the Mysterious Ticking Noise from Episode 276, when I first started listening; Team Frenchy from the Black Rock; The Chosen Pun; The Duck’s True Sigma Love; and Tofu Tom. Wow. Okay, that was a wild ride. But here is next week’s Quizzitch question: What actor or comedian once eschewed autographs – meaning they said no – in favor of handing out cards reading “This certifies that you’ve had a personal encounter with me, and that you found me warm, polite, intelligent, and funny”? And it’s not Gilderoy Lockhart, by the way, for whom this question is based. Please submit your answer to the MuggleCast website’s Quizzitch form, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or if you’re already on the website, checking out transcripts or something else – must listens page, where to find us, etc., etc. – click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: Thank you, everyone, for listening. Don’t forget to leave us a review in your favorite podcast app. Make sure you follow us in that app as well, and tell a friend about the show if you think they could use some more Harry Potter friends in their lives. I am Andrew, your poor puffed-up popinjay.

Eric: I am Eric, the fan of the gay uncles.

Micah: And I’m Micah.

Andrew: All right.

Micah: See you next week.

Andrew: [laughs] Bye. And I’m seeing you next week, bye.

Transcript #701

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #701, Someone Call A Broombulance (OOTP Chapter 22, ‘St. Mungo’s Hospital…’)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: We are your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books, the movies, and the forthcoming TV show. Make sure you follow the show in your favorite podcast app so you never miss a new episode of MuggleCast. And on this week’s episode, grab your tissues, because we’re discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 22, “St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.” It’s a big chapter, one big adaptation-worthy chapter.

Laura: Absolutely.

Eric: Yes, I’m excited to talk about that. This episode was so big, this chapter was so big, that the last time we discussed it, we split it into two episodes.

Andrew: Oh, really?

Eric: That’s how big it is.

Andrew: Oh, okay, all right.

Eric: That was the only time we did that.

Andrew: So we’re going to be here for the next three hours, then. Let’s settle in.

Eric: [laughs] No, no, no. We said everything we had to say, and this will be a quick one.

Andrew: Oh, good. Okay, good, because I’m sitting on the floor and my left leg is already asleep, so this is going to be a long episode for me. [laughs]

Laura: We’ll see.

Micah: Well, maybe you need to go to St. Mungo’s, Andrew.

Andrew: Oh, yeah, I need a Healer. I don’t want a doctor. Healers seem to be way less scary, far less invasive.

Laura: Yeah, not those nutters that cut people up, as Ron refers to them.

Andrew: [laughs] Well, listeners, if you love MuggleCast and want to help us keep things running as smooth as Dumbledore’s wonderful network of portraits, visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast and pledge today. You’ll get instant access to over 150 bonus MuggleCast episodes, ad-free episodes, a new physical gift every year, the chance to cohost the show one day, and so much more. We could not do this without you, so we appreciate you like Albus appreciates Harry’s connection to the Dark Lord.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: And other great ways to support us: You can pick up merch at MuggleCastMerch.com; you can leave us a review in your favorite podcast app; you can also send an owl to a friend about the show if they need some Harry Potter friends in their lives; and lastly, visit MuggleCast.com for more information about the show and to contact us.


Chapter by Chapter: Time-Turner


Andrew: So without further ado, time for Chapter by Chapter!

Eric: The episodes – plural – in which we last talked about Chapter 22 were Episode 458, titled “Portrait Party,” and Episode 459, titled “Magicare for All.”

[Laura laughs]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Three turns should do it, I think. Good luck.

Ron: What the…?

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 458.

Eric: He’s gone the other end of the extreme of ignoring him, that he really won’t call him out. And we see this… Harry is telling his whole story, and Dumbledore is really not even looking at him, not once.

Andrew: Well, Dumbledore is having a party with the portraits and McGonagall comes in, and it’s like, “Oh, McGonagall, come on, join the fun! You’re going to be headmaster one day anyway, so you should be a part of this.” And then, “Oh, there’s the buzzkill, Harry Potter.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: “My scar hurts. Umbridge hates me.”

[Bell dings]

[Whooshing sound]

Robotic voice: Episode 459.

Micah: I thought that when Dumbledore sent away Fawkes earlier in the chapter that was going to be to come cure Mr. Weasley…

Eric: Ohh.

Micah: … because Fawkes has a history of healing snake bites.

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Eric: Oh my God! That’s a huge plot hole, actually.

Laura: Yeah, come on, Dumbledore.

Andrew: You see this phoenix fly into St. Mungo’s; maybe that would have been a little much?

Eric: Wait, why don’t they just have a team of phoenixes as Healers at St. Mungo’s, and they just cry on the wounds and heal everybody?

Andrew: There you go.

Eric: This is a huge plot hole.

Laura: Well, I think they’re incredibly rare, so I don’t know if they could have a team of them.

Andrew: Breed ’em. I know a guy in Oklahoma who may be up for the task.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Laura: I was going to say, Andrew, you sounded like you were from my parts just then. [in a southern accent] “Breed ’em.”

[Andrew laughs]

[Whooshing sound]

[Ticking sound]

Dumbledore: Mysterious thing, time.

[Bell dings]

Eric: Can you tell we’ve all moved on to the Tiger King era of the pandemic?

Laura: Yeah. Oh man.

Andrew: Ohh, okay, I was trying to figure out what that was a reference to. That’s funny.

Laura: Oh, gosh. This is such a time capsule, in so many ways. Good grief.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Laura: Getting into this chapter – I think we called this at the beginning of this episode – but literally, we need to Max this entire chapter, because this is pretty much one of the big world-building opportunities that the movies did not take, and there is so much richness of detail going on here. I think you get a better understanding of Harry’s inner turmoil in this chapter, too, that I don’t think we get to see portrayed as deeply in the films, because they didn’t have enough time, quite frankly, to adapt the entire book. But yeah, Eric, tell us about 2007. What passed the sniff test then, and what do we need now?

Eric: In 2007 we got Mark Williams – fine actor – in a paper crown raising a glass to Harry. Great. Amazing. “To Harry! He’s great!” But rereading this chapter has shown us that there is so much more. This chapter has amazing things with Tonks, Moody, Sirius, former headmasters and headmistresses of Hogwarts, and everyone and everything at St. Mungo’s! All of that, all of it, was omitted from the movie.

Laura: They’d better not leave it out this time, or we’ll have something to say about it.

Eric: Or else!

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, that’s right.

Eric: They’re going to need a phoenix to take care of… after we’re done with them.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Would you say this was the first of many mistakes for director David Yates?

Eric: No, no. That’s… wait.

Laura: Oooh, shots fired.

Micah: That’s not his fault.

Andrew: I do like to remind the audience from time to time, we ended up hearing that Warner Bros. seriously considered splitting Goblet of Fire, the book, into two movies, and if they had gone through with that, presumably they would have done the same for Order of the Phoenix, Half-Blood Prince, and then, of course, they did for Deathly Hallows.

Eric: Slippery slope.

Andrew: Yeah, and I’m sure the movies would have done great, Goblet of Fire 1 and 2, and yeah, they would have kept it up. And yeah, we probably would have gotten some of St. Mungo’s, I think. But yeah, it wasn’t David Yates’s fault. And this is my favorite book and one of my least favorite movies, because they skip over so much, and they advance the plot with newspaper headlines and it’s just, oh, so…

Eric: Oh, right. I did forget about this.

Andrew: I don’t want to call it lazy, but just hacked. It’s hacked together. Stitched.

Laura: It’s a little lazy.

Eric: I think it’s real creative with the montages. I actually love Order of the Phoenix because the things that they managed to condense feel right to tell one story, but this chapter does have so much that… it is Harry, it’s what he’s going through, and I think that the TV show would be able to devote the proper time to going through some of these things. So it’s just…

Micah: Well, I hope so.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: The question I wanted to ask, though, is do you feel like because the world opened that much more with the Ministry of Magic, that they decided not to then include St. Mungo’s? They sacrificed one for the other.

Eric: Yes, it’s like in The Sims or in Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater create a skater park where you reach the size limit. They can only introduce one new place per movie; otherwise, the pacing is off. The budget is off. It’s crazy. I think this discussion warrants a certain audio clip to be played.

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

Micah: You know, every time I hear that, I’m expecting the Game of Thrones theme to play after it.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Right?

Micah: It’s just the way it’s synched in my head.

Eric: And how many shows have we seen on HBO since then? But still. I’m the same way, Micah.

Micah: It’s always Game of Thrones for me. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, same. Well, back to this particular fantasy universe: Harry and Ron find themselves swept away by Professor McGonagall, who does believe Harry. At the end of the last chapter, he’s very insistent, and he thinks no one believes him about this vision he’s just had. And he’s very insistent, saying, “I’m not making it up. I wasn’t dreaming. It was real.” She says, “I believe you, Potter. Let’s go.” Takes Harry and Ron to Dumbledore’s office, where Harry recounts the events of his dream to Dumbledore in front of Ron, by the way, which definitely feels awkward when he gets to the part about being the snake that attacked Arthur. And to Dumbledore’s credit, Andrew – I’m going to give your boy some love here…

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Yes, yes, yes.”

Laura: … he gets into action immediately.

Andrew: Yes. Quick. Efficient.

Eric: Well, it’s about time!

Andrew: Life-saving work.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: It is about time. And it’s good to see, though! I mean, the way he immediately gets the band together to investigate this situation that Harry is sharing with him, it’s impressive.

Eric: After three months of sitting up in his office and throwing ragers with the other headmasters, Dumbledore is finally getting to business.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, I also do love how nosy the portraits are in this scene, but you also can’t blame them, given how boring it must be to be hanging around in a portrait all day, no matter where you are. I think being in Dumbledore’s office is probably one of the more interesting places to be hanging, unless you’re in a very busy hallway in Hogwarts. But yeah, they’re all pretending to sleep, but they’re definitely listening in, which I think we’ve all been there, right?

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Andrew: We pretend we’re asleep so our parents can start talking about things that they wouldn’t otherwise.

Eric: Yeah, that’s the only way to learn how your parents really feel about you.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: That or Extendable Ears.

Laura: Well, you called out the portraits, Andrew; so Dumbledore is speaking specifically to Everard and Dilys, who are former headmasters. And what I love about this moment, and kind of what it implies to me is that it’s Dumbledore’s expectation that all of the portraits are being nosy, because he might need them to act on his behalf at the drop of a hat. And we learn that Everard and Dilys have these special portraits that they’re actually allowed to vacate in order to go to a different portrait at a different establishment, and this is where we get our first hint about what was up with the empty portrait at Grimmauld Place that Harry kept hearing snickering coming from while he was there over the summer. But it ends up being pretty cool, because we find out that Dilys was at one point overseeing St. Mungo’s, so that’s where her portrait is, and that Everard apparently has a portrait somewhere near where Mr. Weasley was standing guard in the Department of Mysteries, and he was able to go there and make sure the right people found Arthur. So it’s actually pretty brilliant to strategically place people in this way and make sure that Dumbledore literally has all the chess pieces close to the vest in his office.

Eric: Yeah, it’s like having a web of spies without ever leaving the office. It’s like having all your contacts and your Rolodex who can find out information for you are just right there on the wall.

Micah: How convenient, for somebody who is a master manipulator to have a web of spies.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Or a web of portraits. But what I found so interesting about this is for the number of times we’ve been in Dumbledore’s office, we’ve never seen it operate in this way.

Eric and Laura: Right.

Micah: But it’s almost like getting a peek behind the curtain, a little bit.

Eric: I would agree with that. I think that where… we’ve always seen these old former headmasters sort of napping. The way in which Dumbledore utilizes this network and springs into gear is totally new to us, and I think it has to do with… it’s not for Harry’s benefit necessarily, but for us as the readers, this is our, I don’t know, tenth or eighth time in Dumbledore’s office. We are getting more information as far as how this place operates and how Dumbledore operates, which is essential to, I think, making sure Dumbledore has any plot in this book.

Laura: Yeah. Well, he also puts Fawkes on Umbridge patrol. We do get to see towards the end of the chapter, before everybody takes the Portkey to Grimmauld Place, Fawkes… there’s just a flash in the room, and a golden feather appears, and Dumbledore is like, “Oh, shoot, she knows you’re out of bed.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: So that was the Fawkes signal. But Fawkes is also communicating messages at the same time; they get a letter from Mrs. Weasley, for example, accompanied by a gold feather. So Fawkes is doing the Lord’s work over here, guard duty and letter delivery. We also read about this fragile silver instrument, and the only way I can think of to describe this is that it’s like a very eclectic, magical magic 8 ball, where Dumbledore is asking it a question, and it is presumably giving him an answer. Micah, can you remind us what that answer was? Even though we don’t get it confirmed in this book.

Micah: So I looked up what the author had to say about this in particular, and she said that “Dumbledore suspected that the snake’s essence was divided – that it contained part of Voldemort’s soul, and that was why it was so very adept at doing [Voldemort’s] bidding.” So I’m curious, do we think at this point he also figured out that Harry was a Horcrux, hence his ability to see through the eyes of the snake?

Andrew: I think so, because he was already curious about Voldemort and Horcruxes as early as Chamber of Secrets with Tom Riddle’s diary. At this stage, with a few more years of research under his belt and seeing what happened to Harry, yeah, I can see him being pretty convinced at this point that Harry is a Horcrux.

Eric: Yeah, and just based on what he asks Harry… Harry has kind of avoided mentioning that he was the snake up to that point, and Dumbledore is really fishing for that thing that’s going to confirm it. So with the instrument, Dumbledore learns that the snake is a Horcrux, and with Harry’s reply, can reasonably assume that they all are Horcruxes.

Laura: Yeah, it is noted that Dumbledore wears a look of “grim satisfaction” when…

Eric: He’s like, “Yes, I got it! Oh, poop.”

Laura: Yeah, it’s basically like, “Ugh, I hate it when I’m right.” That’s Dumbledore, basically.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Sucks always being right.

Eric: It’s funny, though, that Laura, you’d say that the instrument is a bit like a magic 8 ball, because that’s also what it’s like to ask Dumbledore a question before Book 7. You’re like, “Hey, Professor, why is this happening?” He’s like, “Reply hazy, Harry. Try again later.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yep, basically.

Eric: “Alas, the first question you ask, I don’t know. Can’t answer.”

Laura: And then at the end of this book, he’s like, “I’m going to tell you everything, except… I’m not going to really tell you everything.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: “Whatever will fit on this little blue triangle.”

Andrew: “I’m going to tell you everything, because now the magic 8 ball is giving me permission to do so.” Do we think “in essence divided” is also potentially foreshadowing the fact that Harry is a Horcrux too?

Eric: Well, between this “in essence divided” line and then the full text of the prophecy, “Neither can live while the other survives,” it really sells that there is sort of this intertwinement happening between Harry and Voldemort. But there were clues before now; the gleam of triumph moment from the previous book, when Harry has just revealed that Voldemort used his blood, and so that’s another way in which… there’s just so many ways in which they’re connected that I’d be surprised if that instrument didn’t say “same essence, divided.”

Laura: Yeah. Well, Dumbledore is still a man of action here. He sends McGonagall to get the other Weasley kids, and he sends Phineas Nigellus Black to inform Sirius that Harry and the Weasleys are coming for Christmas because, surprise, that other portrait at Grimmauld Place is Phineas’s secondary portrait. And Phineas is such a diva here.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Why is he so obsessed with himself? Honestly, the casting of Simon Pegg as this character was spot on, and they really should get him for the show.

Eric: [laughs] Yeah, I agree.

Andrew: It was also an interesting bit of lore that we learn here, because the other portraits start getting mad at Phineas that he is not assisting Dumbledore as he is supposed to as a portrait in his office, and one of the witches in a portrait starts brandishing her wand in sort of a threatening manner. And now I’m wondering, what exactly could she do to Phineas? Can these attack each other? Can it hurt the portrait version? What are the repercussions of being attacked?

Eric: Yeah, if not physical pain, then certainly emotional trauma. I’m trying to think of… the Fat Lady is attacked by Sirius, and that bothers her quite a bit, I think, more than just her vanity. You’ve got to imagine that the portraits have some level of ability to feel or sense when someone’s coming in to attack them because they won’t do their job.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Well, and presumably, if you’re not doing your job and you’re hung up in the headmaster’s office, you can be demoted.

Eric: Ohhh.

Laura: And I don’t know what that means for a portrait.

Micah: Toilets.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Bottom of the ocean. The most boring existence.

Micah: Snape’s bedroom.

Laura: Yeah, I’m imagining them just getting piled up in a broom closet somewhere.

Andrew: Yeah, that would suck.

Laura: And spending eternity there. I don’t know; I would be motivated to be helpful because I would want to stay in the office.

Andrew: And what else are you doing all day?

Eric: Right.

Andrew: I mean, the only argument Phineas has is that it’s late at night, but you’re sleeping all day. You’re like a cat or a dog; all you do is sleep, as a portrait. You’ve got nothing else to do all day.

Eric: Yeah, and I love, though, that there is this sort of dual purpose, because it’s very common for famous past heads of a school to be represented in some form in a portrait in the school later; that just makes sense. We honor those that have come before. But this network of spies aspect… these headmasters are essentially lending their expertise to the degree which portraits can retain their knowledge or even just personalities. They are all additional helpers for the current headmaster of Hogwarts. It’s like ever since presumably day one, every headmaster that has come can continue to help with the running of the school by existing in this form in the portrait that’s enchanted. So I love this idea that they have this honor-bound duty to help and assist, and Phineas is just not having it.

Micah: Part of it, though, is… I would wonder a little bit more about Everard and Dilys, and maybe what House they were in. When you think about Phineas, he was in Slytherin, so there’s probably a natural tendency right off the bat for him to be combative with somebody like Dumbledore. And there is also the fact that he’s sending him to go to his family home, right? At least as it stands right now; I don’t know how many generations of Blacks lived in Grimmauld Place. But there’s more to this, and so I think it’s not just him being a diva; it’s him being able to create a little bit of controversy because of who he is.

Laura: Do we think this is how the Order communicated before during the first war, or have they kind of tuned things up here?

Andrew: Portraits?

Laura: I mean, portraits, using Fawkes in the way that they’re using him, the fact that, of course, we learn they use Patronuses as well… I’m just wondering if they learned anything from the last war apart from the Fidelius Charm isn’t foolproof, so maybe don’t use that one again. [laughs]

Eric: It’s a good lesson.

Micah: I would have to wonder, just going off of what we were just talking about with Phineas, that using portraits comes with risk. Who knows if you can actually trust them, either to do the work that you’re requesting of them, or to not share information if they have a portrait somewhere else?

Andrew: That’s interesting.

Eric: It is interesting that this book does seem to have a subplot of security measures and how they fail. Kreacher is another example, who interprets Sirius’s flippant remarks to give himself permission to leave, which Dobby could already do. So house-elves aren’t secure; portraits, we just made the case, aren’t secure. It’s a real shame. But I think the one thing that is happening now that didn’t happen to the Order the first time is this aggressive oversight of the Floo Network specifically, and this is a problem now because potentially, Dumbledore would be able to utilize the Floo Network in getting the word out or in saving Mr. Weasley. He doesn’t have that option because it’s now being monitored by Umbridge, and so that’s kind of the thing that… I think that’s why we’re seeing Fawkes used in this way; we’ve never seen Fawkes used before, and all this other stuff. I think the Floo Network would probably be unregulated, or it’s the kind of thing where you’d have to know where to look, but if you’re at Hogwarts and somebody’s watching over Hogwarts, they could find you if you try and use it.

Laura: Yeah. I did find it so interesting that Umbridge apparently just knew that they were up and out of bed.

Andrew: Yeah, why is that?

Laura: Does she have invisible alarms triggered by common room entrances if people are coming and going in the middle of the night? I’m just wondering, is Mrs. Norris spying and then reporting news back to Filch?

Eric: Oh.

Andrew: Is she enlisting other Hogwarts students to spy within the Houses at night?

Eric: That would mean a Gryffindor.

Andrew: Right, I know!

Eric: That would mean there’s a budding Peter Pettigrew who went and told her.

Andrew: [laughs] Aww.

Eric: Peter Junior.

Laura: Yeah. I would say Percy, but he’s not there anymore.

Eric: Oh, that’s… yeah.

Micah: Laura, you just mentioned Mrs. Norris, but it’s McGonagall who tells her to shoo away on their way to Dumbledore’s office, so maybe there is something to that.

Eric: There you go.

Micah: That’s probably how she found out.

Eric: Man, I had this whole idea of Umbridge just has a scream detector in Hogwarts, and when she’s not causing a scream, she perks up.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Something else is going… because Harry was very noisy, but he’s up at the top of a tower, so I don’t think you’d really hear it. But yeah, Mrs. Norris, got to be the way.

Laura: Andrew, what was the original intent with this attack on Arthur?

Andrew: Yeah, so I love this bit of behind-the-scenes info because of course, when you’re writing a series like this, you have to make a lot of major decisions, and maybe at one point you’re convinced you’re going to kill a particular character, and then you change your mind. That’s actually what happened with Arthur Weasley. The author said that she thought about killing Arthur because parents had to die in order to raise the threat of Voldemort in the series, but she also said in a tweet that “Arthur lived, so Lupin had to die. I’m sorry. I didn’t enjoy doing it. The only time my editor ever saw me cry was over the fate of Teddy.” So I find it very interesting that Arthur almost died here, but I’m glad he didn’t, because I think it’s wonderful that Harry did actually see this attack happen and was able to save Arthur thanks to it.

Eric: I do agree that if Arthur had died, apart from what he brings to the Weasley family in terms of, I don’t know, continued comfort until Fred’s death, I think the fact that Harry was the snake would have been absolutely awful if he had really died. Because Harry never would have forgave himself.

Andrew: Yes.

Eric: And that would have been an even deeper kind of scar that never would have left Harry.

Andrew: And so soon after watching Cedric die. Augh!

Eric: And I think, too, it would have put Dumbledore in hotter water for not explaining this sooner. I think at the very end of this chapter, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think Tonks says – or maybe it’s Moody – that Dumbledore seems to have been waiting for something just like this to happen, and this one is the confirmation. So this idea that Harry was not being prepared, or only after this occurrence he’s taken to Occlumency lessons, is sort of a part of neglect. If Dumbledore had any idea this was going to happen, he could have prepared Harry a little bit better, and because he didn’t, Harry is going to blame himself fully.

Micah: So Eric, I wanted to pull on that thread a little bit with what you were saying about Harry and how he would blame himself, because I don’t know that the Weasleys would ever forgive him. I don’t know that Ron and him would continue to be best buds throughout the rest of his time at Hogwarts. I don’t think that there’s a likelihood, just from how we see Fred, George, Ginny even react to him in this chapter, that that whole dynamic wouldn’t be completely shattered. So I have to imagine, from a writing standpoint, that was part of the consideration here, that if you kill Mr. Weasley in this way, it forever damages Harry and Ron’s relationship.

Eric: They’re never going to trust him. And I’m glad you bring that up, Micah, because I wanted to ask about Harry and Ron’s relationship. Ron is in every scene in this chapter… nearly every scene in this chapter. He’s quiet; he doesn’t say a thing. And granted, a lot of the Weasleys are in shock right now for very understandable reasons. But Ron is next to Harry when he’s telling Dumbledore, when they go to the office, when they’re at Grimmauld Place together, and just apart from shock, what do we think is actually going on in Ron’s mind? Is there this possibility that Ron is at some kind of friendship-breaking moment with Harry because he’s afraid of him, or weirded out or concerned?

Laura: I think there is something there, because at one point when Harry is retelling the story to Fred, George, and Ginny, but he’s telling it as though he observed it from the side and not from the snake’s point of view, Ron does cast kind of an awkward glance at him, because Ron heard the first telling of this story where Dumbledore got Harry to say, “I was the snake.” So I think Ron is probably feeling inner conflict right now between his best friend and his father’s life, because deep down, he knows that his best friend would never intentionally want to do anything to hurt Arthur, but when you’re in that state of fight or flight panic, some of that instinct is going to kick in, and I think that’s what’s happening here.

Micah: I do place a lot of the blame here at the foot of Dumbledore. And Eric, I see that you were questioning, why am I bringing up Dumbledore when you’re asking about Ron? But that’s kind of the point, because this is all taking place in his office, and clearly he has more knowledge about the situation at hand. Does he have to share all of it here? No, I will give him that. But he’s also the headmaster of this school; he has an obligation to these students, and given the traumatic experience that Harry has just been through, the way he treats him is unacceptable, and by association, the way that he’s treating Ron is unacceptable. They need a softer hand here, and they get sent off to arguably – maybe with the exception of Snape – the worst person that they could send him to, because he’s not emotionally mature or equipped to handle the situation, in Sirius.

Eric: Oh, we’ll get to bashing Sirius in a minute.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Okay.

Eric: I have a question… and I’m ready for it, and I largely agree. But is it clever, though? Is Dumbledore justified – everything we’ve just been talking about Dumbledore – is it justified, due to the last three seconds before Harry’s Portkey kicks in, and they make eye contact, and Harry wants to kill Dumbledore all of a sudden, he doesn’t know what’s going on…

Micah: Well, you would want to too. I mean, the guy has ignored you for months at this point; he’s not said but a word to you. He’s playing scared at this point. He’s so afraid that there’s this connection, which, yeah, there’s a connection. But you know what? Man up and deal with the situation.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: This is a fast-moving situation, and Dumbledore moves in a very quick manner, as we were saying earlier, and I don’t think there’s too much time for much else. I think the priority is to get all the Weasleys together in a safe location.

Micah: Well, there’s only been the last few months for him to work with Harry to better prepare him for a situation like this.

Andrew: Could he have anticipated this?

Micah: Well, clearly he anticipates they’re connected somehow; he hasn’t been looking at him all year.

Eric: Right, but it gets confirmed when they make eye contact. And here’s the thing: It’s not like Harry wants to kill Dumbledore because Dumbledore has been ignoring him. Harry is annoyed with Dumbledore because he’s been ignoring him. But this surge of hatred comes pretty much directly from Voldemort through Harry, and that’s what happens when they finally make eye contact. And so I think it retroactively might justify Dumbledore’s ignoring him, which hurts me to my core, but if it proves that there is this connection, that there’s so much more going on… and while I think there’s a way for Dumbledore to have been safe and done a lot of this two months ago, I think that when that occurs, you kind of as the reader, like, “Oh, Harry is volatile beyond his own control here.” We’ll obviously get more of this later, but that explains the way the last three months.

Micah: I don’t think it’s all Voldemort, though; I think part of this is Harry. I think this is natural emotion for the way he’s been treated for the last several months. I wouldn’t put this all on the Horcrux or Voldemort coming through Harry. I think some of this is Harry. Back me up, Laura, fellow Ravenclaw.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: It’s the eye contact! It’s magic!

Laura: I was going to say this kind of makes me think about what we learn about Horcruxes in Deathly Hallows, how they affect some people more than others depending on what you’re going through at the time, so I can definitely see Harry being primed to be vulnerable to the Horcrux in this moment. So I think there’s definitely Horcrux impact here – there’s no doubt about that – but I think Harry’s mental guard is kind of down because he’s so angry, and that just makes him more susceptible to it. What do you think?

Eric: Yeah, I agree. It’s kind of like when we get into the Occlumency lessons later; after those lessons, after you’ve been stretching that muscle, you are weaker than ever and susceptible to damage, and so that’s what the warning is. And I think because Harry has just had this traumatic experience, he’s weaker, and I think it really means that Voldemort… even without Voldemort trying – maybe Voldemort is asleep somewhere – all of a sudden can basically see through Harry’s eyes, as they’re able to much, much later with Harry seeing through Voldemort’s eyes in Book 7. I think that Voldemort sees, all of a sudden, the man, the only one he ever feared, his sworn mortal enemy, right through Harry’s eyes all of a sudden, gets a vision of him, because this is what’s happening to another one of his Horcruxes, and I think that’s where the hatred comes from. And Harry would have… if there were another second before the Portkey took him away, I think Voldemort would have possessed Harry, which is a big thing, and actually attacked Dumbledore.

Micah: I don’t know.

Laura: I could also see Harry attacking Dumbledore.

Andrew: That’s a crazy thought. Dumbledore would probably successfully and quickly overpower him, and I think also understand where all of Harry’s rage is coming from. I would have liked to have seen that.

Micah: I also think it’s important to remember that Harry is a 15-year-old young man, lots of hormones raging given everything that just happened, lots of adrenaline pumping. And there is no greater sign of disrespect when having a conversation with somebody than to not look at them, and that’s what Dumbledore has done for months. And so I’m not saying that I disagree with the fact that Voldemort is part of this equation, but I don’t think he’s the whole equation.

Laura: Yeah. Well, let’s talk about when Harry and the Weasleys end up at Grimmauld Place. They take the Portkey from Dumbledore’s office. Harry briefly wants to attack Dumbledore, and we know that Ginny and the twins are ready to throw hands with Sirius, who’s trying to stop them from going to the hospital right now. And he rightly points out to them, “You all can’t show up at the hospital claiming to know about an accident that no one else has heard of yet.”

Eric: Oh, interesting! That seems like a good, mature point! That’s a well-thought-out argument!

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: It is. Unfortunately, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it, and Sirius just isn’t… and it’s not his fault, but he’s just not equipped to deal with this super well, and it does kind of feel like a bunch of teenagers trying to reason with each other. But the person that I’m really most interested in here is Ginny, because Sirius talks about this, talks about how “You can’t go out claiming knowledge of something that has not yet come to pass, as far as officials and hospitals and even your mother knows, so you have to just stay put and let us work it out.” Ginny is the first one to silently go and sit down, and she spends the rest of the night sitting in calm, contemplative silence, and it makes me wonder if she’s putting two and two together here and realizing that Voldemort is somehow penetrating Harry’s mind.

Andrew: Well, isn’t that interesting coming from the person who had Tom Riddle’s diary?

Laura: Yep.

Andrew: I could see that. I could also see she’s watching all of these boys and men bicker, and she doesn’t want any part of it right now. And I think there’s just a common thread here with the Weasleys in this chapter, the Weasley kids, where they’re just left in the dark. And we’re going to discuss this a little later, too, but it’s really awful how they aren’t as informed as they should be, when it’s your father who was attacked. I can understand other people not knowing, even Harry not being told what happened to Arthur and why Arthur was there to begin with, but for the kids to not even know? That’s just wrong.

Eric: And I’m going to say something not the most toward about Sirius right now, but his first response about it all is that “Your father knew what he signed up for.” The kids don’t want to hear that!

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. Sirius is like, “He was prepared to die. It’s fine.”

Eric: Ahhh. And Sirius values an honorable death; good for him. It’s right. He’s right. The kids did not want to hear that.

Micah: What do we think Sirius’s state of mind is at this particular moment? It seems, when they first arrive, that he might have been on a little bit of a bender.

Laura: Yep, he smells like stale liquor, I think the text says. It’s clear that he’s been knocking ’em back.

Eric: Me on a Friday night; am I right?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Knocking back… me recording Episode 700 of MuggleCast.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yeah, the 423 is how many bottles I’ve… no. But yeah, I feel like Sirius is just happy. He couldn’t have asked for a better circumstance… terrible circumstance, but he’s so happy for company. And this speaks to something that Dumbledore takes credit for as a failing at the end of this book: leaving Sirius in such isolation. Harry knows how miserable Sirius is; it weighs heavily on Harry to the point where it’s the whole setup for why Sirius would recklessly go out and get himself in trouble at the Ministry later in the book. But for Sirius to finally have company, and even under these negative circumstances, the fact that they’re staying for Christmas, I think his life was just made, because he’s so lonely.

Andrew: And that’s why he’s probably drinking when we see him. Part of the reason.

Eric: I think he’s drinking because he’s miserable, yeah.

Laura: Totally.

Eric: Nothing better to do. No one to talk to.

Micah: I just think it comes down to the fact that at this particular moment, he’s not mature enough to handle this situation, and he lacks the ability to appropriately sympathize with Arthur’s kids. He’s not wrong in his overall approach in some of the things that he’s saying, but it just needs a softer touch.

Eric: Well, there’s no consequences for this. I think he does fine. The kids get to where they need to be.

Laura: Well, not to turn this into a hate fest on Sirius, but there’s another interaction in this chapter where he kind of drops the ball, in my opinion, and it’s with Harry. Harry pulls Sirius aside, hoping that of all people, his godfather would hear him out with his concerns about honestly feeling snakelike and feeling concerned that he actually does want to attack people. We see Harry later after this afraid to go to sleep because he’s afraid that he’s going to slither off and attack somebody else. He’s really trying to open up to Sirius about this, and Sirius is kind of dismissive about it. I don’t think he means to be; I think he’s trying, in his own way, to be reassuring, and saying, “It’s probably just residual energy from the vision that you had,” and not really taking the time to think about, “Hey, we know there’s some kind of connection between Harry and Voldemort. Maybe I should listen to what this kid is saying.”

Eric: Yeah, I agree. This is… Sirius misses the mark at being able to comfort Harry, because he largely doesn’t believe that it’s a threat or is connected in any way. I would say, for being a member of the Order of the Phoenix, Dumbledore maybe should have clued in some of the Order members, including Sirius, that something like this might happen.

Andrew: Do we think Sirius has any idea of what actually is going on? Because I’m not convinced he does. And then my other question is, is Sirius just trying to make Harry feel better? Not worry him too much?

Eric: Yeah, Sirius is… the right answer when somebody comes to you in great turmoil and they’re a child and it’s 3:00 a.m. is “Go to bed; you’ll feel better.” And it’s the wrong thing to say to Harry; it doesn’t work, because obviously Harry has reasons why he wouldn’t want to sleep, but it’s that thing that Micah was saying about his overall approach, right? And so he’s like, “Harry, it’s okay. You’re still exhausted. You have this great ordeal. If you sleep, I’m sure things will be better in the morning.” And it’s not wrong that you’ll feel better because you’re sleep-deprived now, but it’s not what Harry needs. Harry needs somebody to believe him, and especially the fact that… Harry doesn’t like recounting this story. He hated doing it the three or four times he’s already had to do it, but he rushes into the closet with Sirius and is like, “I need to tell you what’s going on,” hoping to get something in return of equal value, and he doesn’t get it. Sirius has become an animal. Sirius is Padfoot, is Snuffles, is the dog. And so if Harry thinks he’s transforming into a snake, maybe Sirius has special insight about that, but none of it comes to light because Sirius hasn’t been prepped to believe Harry very specifically about all the snake stuff.

Micah: I think the reassurance he needed was from Dumbledore, not from Sirius, and he doesn’t get it.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: Well, fortunately for Harry, the narrative quickly becomes “Thank God for Harry; thank God you were in the snake, because we got him in time.” And that is something – although Harry still blames himself to some extent – that really greatly eases the tension on the back half of the chapter for the rest of the Weasleys to be really, really worried. The fact that Molly’s letter soon comes and says he’s okay, or he’s alive, I think really is good for Dumbledore; he got lucky. Harry got lucky that Arthur is okay.

Micah: The one other thing I just wanted to raise about this part before we move on is there is another party that is privy to this conversation and is eavesdropping just outside the door, and that’s Kreacher. And it’s important, because it’s likely that this information is getting passed on to Voldemort, and that’s how he begins to learn about how strong the connection actually is between himself and Harry.

Andrew: So could you say that Sirius is suspicious of Kreacher, and he doesn’t know that Kreacher is listening right now, but he could potentially be overheard, and that’s why he’s holding his cards to the vest?

Laura: I don’t think so, personally. Not to speak for you, Micah. I don’t think Sirius thinks Kreacher is capable of that kind of betrayal at this point.

Eric: Well, Kreacher is loyal to Bellatrix – I think that should be made clear – and Narcissa by extension, because they’re all Blacks. But there’s a difference between Kreacher being loyal to Voldemort and going straight to Voldemort and being like, “This is what’s going on with the Potter boy,” and whatever he might convey to Bellatrix. Now, Bellatrix is at least smart enough to know what questions to ask, so I’m sure this later gets reported on about this dream kind of a thing that Harry has had. But I guess I’d be really interested as the book goes on to see what information does Kreacher betray that he’s overheard.

Andrew: To broaden my question out, maybe Sirius was just concerned about anybody overhearing them in this moment. The Weasley twins; what do they do within this chapter too? Use Extendable Ears. He might not just want to talk about and get into it. Right now is not the place or time to talk about this with Harry.

Eric: Yeah, maybe.

Laura: True.

Eric: It is a shame, though, because Harry… this is a great opportunity. All of a sudden you’re with your godfather, and you want to confide in him, and Sirius just can’t meet him.

Andrew: One of the last times you’ll get him alone.

Laura: After Molly arrives at Grimmauld Place and confirms that Arthur survived, the crew gets some breakfast, they get a few hours rest – except Harry; he is, as I said before, too paranoid to sleep right now – and they are off to visit Mr. Weasley at St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. Similar to the entrance to Diagon Alley, the entrance to St. Mungo’s is hidden in plain sight so that sick witches and wizards can dress in Muggle clothes to arrive in disguise. And when I read this, I immediately thought of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, and thought no way would these two ever deign to show up in Muggle clothes to get into this hospital. And that made me wonder, is there a private, more elite hospital or facility for people like the Malfoys?

Micah: Probably.

Eric: Oh, God.

Micah: They probably have their own doctor.

Laura: Who comes to their house? Yeah.

Andrew: There is precedent here in the Muggle world. I was living in the Hollywood LA area for nine years of my life, and one time I needed a doctor, and I called them up and they told me they can’t see me because it was a doctor’s office for celebrities only. Like, rich, well-known, high profile people only, and I couldn’t believe it. [laughs] They’re out there.

Eric: What? Your name wasn’t on the list?

Andrew: No, yeah. “But I’m a podcaster! You won’t see me?”

Eric: Yeah, “Don’t you know who I am?”

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: No, you invented The Sims.

Andrew: [laughs] I should have said, “I’m Will Wright, creator of The Sims.” Yeah, and then my other thought is it is an interesting idea that the pure-bloods might not want to dress up in Muggle clothing. But also, if your leg is in serious trouble, will you even change your clothes? I don’t know.

Eric: I think there’s another entrance. Here’s the thing: You’re not going to be forced to dress up, go through Muggle London to get there. That’s how these guys get here, but remember that they’re still being inconspicuous and undercover at the moment. There’s bound to be Floo fireplaces here at Mungo’s. There’s bound to be, I don’t know, a broom entrance, broom parking on the side, valet…

Micah: Right, these are visitors. These are not the people… think about the people who are being brought in. There has to be – to your point, Eric – another entrance that they’re coming through.

Eric: I will also say, if you are grievously injured, you have bites or an artifact did something horrible to you, you won’t care so much about what you’re wearing when you get there.

Andrew: Yeah, exactly. I also do kind of find it a plot hole how they enter through this glass exterior, and no Muggles on the street happen to notice. And the reason in the book is because the Muggles can’t be bothered looking at ugly window displays? Come on, people are still looking in that general direction. This seems like a lazy entrance. She could have thought up something a little more clever, more believable.

Eric: I think it’s a combination of… well, it’s like if you remember Harry… this is Harry’s first and only time at the entrance of St. Mungo’s, but at the entrance to the Leaky Cauldron, I think, he’s able to track people’s eyes looking from the left of where it is to the immediate right; their eyes just dart across it. So there’s clearly a charm and a spell. Oh, same with Platform Nine and Three Quarters, another huge one that we sometimes get little bits of writing saying nobody’s actually watching them disappear through the barrier in general. So I think it’s that same spell…

Andrew: Okay.

Eric: … in addition to the joke dialogue, where it’s like, “Muggles don’t notice nuffink.” It’s all funny, but it’s all an explanation for why nobody’s watching them enter.

Andrew: Carly said, “I wonder if there’s a broombulance.” That’s fun. Instead of an ambulance, a broombulance.

Eric: That is fun, like a stretcher suspended between maybe two broomsticks.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah. That would kind of suck to get whipped up by the wind as you’re being transported and you’re ill…

Eric: Oh yeah, that would be awful.

Andrew: … but that’s just the crazy wizarding world for you.

Eric: You know what, I got it: the carriage that Grindelwald breaks out of at the start of, what, the second movie? It’s got to be a little portable ambulance kind of thing.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, definitely has to be some kind of emergency intake. But speaking of the infrastructure of the hospital, we do get a high-level overview of the range of possible magical injuries, from unliftable jinxes to vanishing sickness all the way to broom crashes. So does the broombulance pick you up from the broom crash? I don’t know.

Andrew: I was going to say, maybe that’s why there’s no broombulances, because brooms crash and seriously injure people.

Laura: Yeah, perhaps.

Eric: And they’d always be having to upgrade. Think about how often a new broom comes out that’s faster, and then there’d be an issue if you… “Oh, these broombulances are still Cleansweeps; where’s my Nimbus? Where’s my Firebolt broombulance?”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I like broombulance.

Andrew: Yeah. Grindelwald’s aerial carriage… doesn’t somebody get pushed out of it, or falls out or something like that? So maybe that’s not too safe either. I mean, don’t open the door when you’re in the air, but…

Eric: And it would kind of be a problem if Thestrals are taking you to the hospital. You wouldn’t have a high degree of confidence that you would get there safely, because of the bad things that are said about Thestrals. Bad omen.

Micah: He throws poor Antonio out of the…

Andrew: Antonio, that’s it. The lizard.

Eric: Oh, Antonio. He kisses him first.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Was it a chupacabra?

Andrew: That’s it, yeah.

Eric: Why did that exist?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Well, thinking about the various afflictions that we see referenced on the board at the welcome desk, does this imply that all other non-magically afflicted illnesses can just be magically addressed? I’m thinking what about cancer? What about heart disease? Are these things that wizards can just magic better, and if so, why are they holding out on everyone else?

Andrew: Yeah, do good for the world.

Eric: Statute of Secrecy.

Laura: Yeah, it’s true.

Andrew: No, but it is interesting to me that they can fix the Muggle injuries easily, but not magical damage. Look at Arthur still bleeding when Harry and co. come and go to visit him in the hospital. They can’t easily fix that? And yet they have a chip on their shoulder because, “Oh, we don’t have doctors; we have Healers. They can do everything without being invasive,” but they can’t fix Arthur. And I know that’s a special circumstance, being bit by Voldemort’s snake, but still. Check yourself.

Eric: I think it makes sense to me that magical wounds would be harder to heal with magic than non-magic. It’s just the next level of attack or damage.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: But I do like the idea that there’s over-the-counter potions, or of the sort, for remedies that still trip us Muggles up. That would be cool if wizards have largely figured out… I mean, they can regrow bones. I think Arthur is taking a Blood-Replenishment Potion. Some of these things that are very just offhandedly mentioned would save real Muggle lives.

Laura: By the way, just quick shout-out here to Broderick Bode. We’ll come back to why you’re important later, buddy.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Good for you.

Micah: He had a visitor.

Laura: But nice, sneaking little reference to him in this chapter. Yeah, he did have a visitor. What do you think the visitor was there for?

Eric: Probably to silence the Unspeakable forever?

Micah: Moral support? [laughs]

Eric: Oh, yeah. Moral support, yeah.

Laura: Yeah, moral support to make him be quiet forever. [laughs] Well, as is called out, Arthur is pretty chipper despite the fact that he can’t stop bleeding. And this made me wonder if… we know there’s something special about Nagini’s poison that prevents his wounds from healing. Is this a Maledictus thing? Are all Maledictuses deadly in some capacity when they’re fully transformed? Or is this just Nagini’s specialty because she’s Voldemort’s?

Eric: It’s hard to say, but I think it is a Maledictus thing, because the Maledictus is referred to as a blood curse, and so everything about Nagini is cursed.

Micah: I just don’t know if the author had determined that Nagini was a Maledictus at this point.

Andrew: I haven’t gotten that impression.

Laura: Yeah, I don’t think… I think that was a little bit of a retcon, if I had to guess. [laughs]

Eric: Assuming, then, if at this point in the story’s development, writing, and publication that she’s not a Maledictus, then the answer has to be she’s just a venomous snake.

Micah: With special powers.

Eric: Exotic enough to throw the London wizards for a loop with her venom. But there is precedent in nature for the saliva preventing wounds from closing of venomous creatures.

Laura: Yeah, that is a real thing for sure. But Arthur has other more pressing concerns, right, Micah?

Micah: He wants to see where the Muggles are being treated that have been brought to St. Mungo’s. [laughs]

Andrew: Oh, Arthur.

Micah: And I do just love that his love for Muggles just continues to shine through, no matter the situation that he’s in. But part of that, I think, is a misdirect.

Andrew: Oh. Yeah, it could be partly that. But I think this also just speaks to his current spirits and health, that he’s able to think about something like that, as opposed to his own health. He’s ready to get out of the hospital, he says in this chapter, if it weren’t for the fact that he keeps bleeding. So he’s in good spirits; he’s feeling like he’s basically recovered, or on the road to recovery, and he can get back to his passions of rubber ducks and other Muggle things.

Laura: But yeah, I think Micah is onto something with saying that this might have been an attempt to distract, because we see Fred and George really trying to grill Mr. Weasley about what he was doing and why he was doing it, what exactly happened to him, and Mr. Weasley is coming up with every bit of distraction fodder that he can to try and get them to change the subject. And ultimately, Mrs. Weasley shuts it down, and everyone gets kicked out of the room, to which Fred and George pull out those Extendable Ears again, which… they’re a bit of a blessing and a curse because unfortunately, this time around, Harry gets to overhear Mad-Eye, Molly, Arthur, and Tonks talking about him very, very candidly in front of all of his friends.

Andrew: Careful what you wish for.

Laura: And that is where our chapter ends. Pretty awkward.

Andrew: Yeah. Again, I find it messed up that Arthur and Molly aren’t giving at least their children a fuller picture of what went on. I think that’s messed up. Imagine if that was our parent, and we didn’t really know what happened to them or why, or where they were. They almost died, and we’re not getting answers? All because they’re in the Order of the Phoenix, “Greater good, he was prepared to die…” Stop. It’s still the parent.

Eric: Yeah, I think we could actually blame that one on Molly and Arthur, because they would be afforded some level of discretion to communicate more circumstances. Dumbledore wouldn’t be super happy with them if they did, but he also wouldn’t be like, “No, you couldn’t tell your kids.”

Andrew: “Don’t tell your…” Yeah, “I’m going to be the parent now. I’m barely Harry’s parent, and now I’m going to be a parent for the Weasleys.”

Eric: Because Dumbledore is all about the greater secrecy and stuff, but Arthur is the one who firmly chooses to be like, “That’s my business where I was. Sorry, guys.”

Micah: I’m interested to see how the story gets spun, though, because you’re talking about the Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office being down to the Department of Mysteries. What exactly was he up to? And his kids are smart enough to know that he was doing something related to the Order, and they get pretty close, but he’s… and I also just don’t think this is the right environment for this conversation to be happening, too, because they’re in a public place, even though there’s only two other people that are in the room with them, in these beds near Arthur. But you don’t know who’s listening. I don’t know. I just feel like it should have been a pull-aside conversation where Molly gives a little bit more information to the group, because I don’t think it’s fair that Harry gets revealed in this way either.

Laura: Yeah, agreed. I mean, don’t they know about the Extendable Ears at this point too? It’s not a secret that the kids have them.

Andrew: Right.

Micah: Can’t Mad-Eye see what they’re doing?

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: See, this is what I’m saying about Sirius. He knew people… there were prying ears around.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: I did want to just say, too, I thought it was pretty rich that Mad-Eye feels entitled enough to say that they all know there’s something off about the Potter kid.

Laura: Oh, yeah, because he’s one to talk.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Right.

Andrew: “Mad-Eye” Moody has this to say about Potter.

Micah: Takes one to know one.

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: Takes an eye to know an eye. A Mad-Eye, you could say.


Odds & Ends


Laura: And just one odd and end this week that I thought was interesting: They’re kind of laying the groundwork in this chapter for what ends up happening to Bill, him becoming a werewolf when he’s attacked by Fenrir Greyback in the next book, because one of Mr. Weasley’s roommates is a werewolf, and Molly actually shares… she expresses some nervousness about Mr. Weasley sharing a room with a werewolf. She asks him, “Is it safe?” And Mr. Weasley is like, “Of course it’s safe. He’s medicated.” And he’s doing the gracious and good thing by talking to this person and letting them know and reassuring them, “Hey, I know somebody who finds the condition pretty easy to manage, stay on top of it, you’re going to be okay,” and I think this just perfectly establishes that Mr. Weasley has the right attitude towards the condition that his son’s about to have in about a year. So I thought that was nice.

Eric: I like that. Also, it’s such a Mr. Weasley thing to just befriend and try and offer some comfort. You’re both in… “What are you in there for?” and kind of just try and cheer up. It’s also a Mr. Weasley thing that he fails miserably at it!

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That guy does not want to hear what Mr. Weasley has to say. Threatens to bite him. So I think this chapter does a good job of making us appreciate that Mr. Weasley was not murdered.

Laura: He’s too wholesome to be murdered.

Eric: Yeah, too pure. Unlike Hedwig.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]


Superlative of the Week


Laura: Well, I think we all know that one of the worst things Mr. Weasley could do while he was guarding the freaking prophecy was to fall asleep, which is what we know happens. He kind of nods off, and that makes him susceptible to this attack. What is the worst thing to do on duty while guarding the prophecy, from our perspective? And we aren’t allowed to pick sleeping, because Mr. Weasley already did that.

Andrew: So I’m sitting there in my chair on my phone. I’m going, “Five letters… last one is a C… MERLIN’S BEARD!” I was playing Wordle. Five letters?

Laura: Yeah. [laughs]

Andrew: And the word is “Magic,” by the way, because it ends in a C.

Eric: Ohhh! Oh, I love… Wordle! Oh, I love that.

Andrew: [laughs] Remember Wordle?

Eric: I hope you would get signal down in the basement of the Ministry of Magic. But yeah, I love that. I would probably be doing what I’m doing any other day of the week, which is dancing and singing along to The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess. [to the tune of “Pink Pony Club” by Chappell Roan] “I’m gonna keep on dancing down on sub level four…”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: I’d say probably leaning against the shelves. Not a good idea.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, causing some problems.

Eric: Oh no.

Laura: That’s how you destroy all the Time-Turners. Until Cursed Child, of course.

Eric: Until Cursed Child.

Laura: And then I picked something that sounded like a uniquely Arthur thing to do if he’s sitting in silence, bored and trying to entertain himself: attempting to enchant a loud Muggle device, like an alarm that ends up blaring endlessly and being unable to turn it off. That’s another way to alert the snake where you are very, very quickly. All right, well, thanks for playing along with me on that, y’all.


Lynx Line


Laura: We also have our Lynx Line. MuggleCast listeners who are members of our community over at Patreon.com/MuggleCast have answered this week’s question, and the question is: If you were a Healer at St. Mungo’s, which floor of the hospital would you want to work on and why? And just as a reminder, the floors of the hospital are Artifact Accidents, Creature-Induced Injuries, Magical Bugs, Potion and Plant Poisoning, Spell Damage, and Visitors’ Tearoom/Hospital Shop. Man, that feels on brand.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: It feels like everywhere you go, they have to have a shop, and it’s like, is this necessary?

Andrew: “Don’t forget to exit through the gift shop.”

Laura: Yeah, basically. “Sorry for your trauma.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: So Rachel said,

“I would be the handler for all the therapy animals at St. Mungo’s. I’m picturing mini unicorns, Mooncalves, Pygmy Puffs and a mini chimera (like Syrinx from the Crescent City series). Or something involving data and record-keeping, because I’m a nerd.”

Eric: I love the idea of emotional support Mooncalves!

Laura: Yeah, oh my gosh.

Eric: Mooncalves are emotional support creatures.

Andrew: They’re definitely one of the cutest fantastic beasts.

Eric: Those and Diricawls, for sure. So Julianne, on the Lynx Line, says, “I’ll be at the tearoom/shop, as far away from blood as possible.”

Micah: Jennifer says,

“I have worked as a labor and delivery nurse for over 20 years, and I’ve often wondered how witches had their babies? Unless they Apparate the baby out of the mom, they would need a floor at St. Mungo’s for moms and babies. Of course, that is where I would want to work.”

Laura: That’s an interesting question.

Andrew: It would make a sound like thoomp, like in Luigi’s Mansion, right, Micah?

Eric: Yeah, oh…

Laura: [laughs] I was imagining like a, pop.

Micah: Put the vacuum up… never mind.

Laura: Like a popping sound.

Eric: I’m just imagining you cast Episkey and the kid comes out.

Micah: That is interesting there’s no maternity ward listed at St. Mungo’s.

Andrew: I guess that means there’s a whole different building. A whole different hospital.

Eric: Wizards do home birth. There’s a spell for that; makes it really easy.

Laura: Probably.

Andrew: You would think so. We should do a whole episode on that.

Micah:Accio baby.”

Laura: It does feel a little weird for a book series that is so concerned with mothers that there isn’t a maternity ward.

Andrew: [laughs] But how do you become a mother?

Eric: You just do.

Andrew: “Well, when mommy and daddy…” Sorry.

Laura: [laughs] Our next one comes from Leah. Leah says,

“As a current grad student in nutrition (future registered dietitian), I’d have to say I’d be working in the tearoom to provide super healthy, yet delicious treats and meals from whole foods and featuring some fun magical herbs and fungi. Think about pulled mushroom barbecue, colorful pickled veggie slaw, some raw vegan brownies, golden milk lattes… I would brighten up the hospital food for the patients as well as their visitors and my fellow hospital staff. It’s insane; in the Muggle world, I take huge issue with the prevalence of ultra-processed foods in hospitals.”

Andrew: That is really backwards. Good point. Hadn’t thought about that.

Laura: Yeah, very good point, Leah.

Andrew: Rosalie said,

“I’d be working on the ground floor in Artifact Accidents. There are a lot of hazards, even with Muggle artifacts (I work in museum collection care), so I can only imagine the absolute chaos that cursed, exploding, and malfunctioning wizarding artifacts would cause. Yikes!”

Eric: Nicole says,

“The author left out a crucial part of the hospital, which would be the medical records! I would add this to the fifth floor to be as far as possible from any cauldron explosions, since without technology, they would definitely have paper records. This is my job in the Muggle world, so I would want to do something similar in the wizarding world – be healthcare adjacent, without any bodily fluids.”

I love that a lot of a lot of people who responded are choosing their real life job version.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Micah: Mev wrote in,

“Potions and Plant Poisoning. I would be good at making potions. I would try to stay in the background, not treating people, but brewing potions so other Healers can help them. I would love to think my potions also could be used to treat magical creatures as well, or that I brew specifically for the magical creatures.”

Laura: Oh, I love that. And last but not least, Zachary says,

“I would love to set up shop in the tearoom as some sort of post-traumatic stress/trauma therapist to help the affected and their families adjust to their new lives and lifestyles. This chapter always makes me wish someone was available to Neville, and I’ve always had an urge to help those who need it. I’d also like to head a department that searches and experiments for cures for the incurable. Using a mixture of Muggle science and wizard magic, I’m sure the job would be very successful and helpful for everyone affected.”

Good call.

Andrew: Thanks to everybody who contributed, and you can read more of the responses at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. If you have any feedback about today’s episode, you can email or send a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com. Next week, we will be discussing Order of the Phoenix Chapter 23 – oh, look at this! Ho, ho, ho! It’s “Christmas on the Closed Ward.” Before we get to Quizzitch, check out our other weekly podcasts, What the Hype?! and Millennial, for more pop culture and real world talk. This week on What the Hype?!, Laura and Micah wrapped up their coverage on The White Lotus, and Eric and Laura kicked off coverage for The Last of Us Season 2. Then over on Millennial, we’re crying into our retirement accounts as we talk tariffs, but we’re also talking about some easy ways to make the most out of your budget right now. And we were also looking at how other Millennials are getting by right now, given the current economic situation.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question was what is the nearest prime number to number 700? You guys, it’s a Quizzitch first! The correct answer to this week’s Quizzitch question is the number of this episode!

Andrew: Whoa, that’s actually pretty cool!

Eric: 701 is the nearest prime number to 700, and correct answers… 65% of folks said that they did not look that up. And correct answers were submitted by Blinkey the House-Elf; Elizabeth K.; Fluffernutter; Hey Micah You’re So Fine, You’re So Fine You Blow My Mind; First Time Knowing the Answer; I spent 2 hours and 30 minutes calculating this because I didn’t want to look it up; I have a secret gay crush on Andrew…

Micah: Me too.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … Madeline; Patronus Seeker; Sarah B.; Not bad for a girl that took Remedial Algebra; Scorpio Slytherin; The Minister of Prime; Transfigure me into Micah’s mic… a lot of Micah.

Andrew: Wow.

Laura: Oooh, okay.

Eric: … Umbridge’s missing Educational Decree banning Portkeys; and Will Professor Vector be proud of me now? Here’s next week’s Quizzitch question: The London entrance to St. Mungo’s features a mannequin that moves and articulates. What is the name given to the ambulatory mannequins in the first episode of the 2005 Doctor Who revival? That episode, by the way, is called “Rose.” Submit your answer to us on the MuggleCast website, on the Quizzitch form located at MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch. If you’re already on our website checking out our amazing transcripts or our must listens page, just click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: Thanks, everyone, for listening to this week’s episode. Don’t forget to visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast to support us, leave us a review in your favorite podcast app, and tell a friend about the show. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everyone!

Eric and Laura: Bye.

Transcript #700

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #700, Kierra Lewis Returns, and MuggleMail (Are We Too Hard on Draco?)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the world of Harry Potter for 700 episodes and counting. We are your Harry Potter friends, talking about the books, the movies, and the forthcoming Harry Potter TV show, so make sure you follow the show in your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode. Micah, Laura, Eric, congrats! 700 episodes! Wow.

Laura Tee: Yeah, congrats to you!

Eric Scull: We’re so old.

Andrew: A couple of us brought a celebratory drink today. I think Micah has a shot.

Eric: Ooh.

Andrew: I am just going to have a beer today. Hold on; let me crack this open. Let’s see here.

Laura: I have a La Croix. [laughs]

Eric: I have a Kirkland sparkling water.

Andrew: Ah, wonderful. Is there a shot in that? I’m kidding.

Eric: Yeah, I plead the fifth on that.

Andrew: But Eric did bring balloons.

Eric: I got balloons!

Andrew: And you’re wearing a suit as well.

Eric: Oh, of course; I had to dress up. They say, “Congrats,” the balloons do.

Andrew: [laughs] To yourself.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Congrats, guys. Yeah, I bought them for us, really.

Andrew: All right. Well, can you all believe it? 700 episodes. I don’t even know what to say. We never thought it’d last this long.

Eric: Certainly that’s true. What’s the next big milestone? I guess 777.

Andrew: Save the balloons for a year and a half from now.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: I was about to say, that’s right around the corner, relatively speaking.

Eric: They’ll be upside down because we’ll have to hang them from the ceiling.

Andrew: But it is amazing we can do 700 episodes podcasting about Harry Potter, and we still have new Harry Potter content to look forward to. Of course, we’re very excited for the Harry Potter TV show. The Wizarding World continues to expand. I still get asked, “What do you all podcast about?” I’m like, “Uh, we’re going Chapter by Chapter through the books. Duh. There’s a lot to talk about. Hello.”

Micah: Do you say it just like that?

Laura: And I also love reminding people that a TV show is coming right around the corner, so if they think we don’t have enough to talk about now – which they’re totally wrong about – they would have to acknowledge that there’s going to be plenty to talk about for about the next decade once the show comes out.

Eric: Oof.

Andrew: And if you listen to one episode of this podcast, you know we have a lot to talk about. [laughs]

Eric: We’re passionate! I’ve got to say, 700 episodes; every one I’ve been a part of has been fun.

Andrew: Eh… I’m kidding.

Laura: Not the one that you lost your audio.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: That was decidedly not… well, which one? The first one was probably pretty good. The second one, I was a little peeved. Yeah, I had to rerecord.

Micah: But what I really love about putting together these episodes is that we get to hear directly from our listeners, so there’s probably no better way to celebrate 700 episodes than by doing a mailbag episode, because we get to hear feedback and get questions, and I think that’s always what has made this show so much fun to do, is answering the questions, theorizing, hearing from listeners, incorporating them into the conversation.

Eric: That’s been in our DNA ever since I think the first voicemail on Episode 2 of the show. We really, really, really… early on, people were Skyping in with their voicemails for us; it was just absolutely amazing to hear. But we were as passionate as they were, and we just loved the new theories.

Andrew: And MuggleNet was always a community-driven place for Harry Potter fans as well; not just the forums, but we had a comments section on every news post. And I was looking back at the original MuggleCast post on MuggleNet.com a couple weeks ago. There was hundreds of comments on the MuggleCast announcement post; I was like, “Wow, people were excited.”

Eric: The first ten of them were “First! First! Second, second, fourth, eighth…”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: “Seventh.”

Eric: Remember how they used to do that?

Andrew: Yeah. And we’re excited that we have a guest on today; we’re going to be joined by Kierra Lewis in a few minutes. And I think it’s fitting we’re going to have her on today, because we’ve been in the world of Harry Potter for 20 plus years now; Kierra has only been in the world of Harry Potter for about a year, and yet she has been as moved by the Harry Potter series over the course of the last year, just like we were 20 plus years ago. So I think it just speaks to the timelessness of Harry Potter.

Eric: We had her on about a year ago for Episode 649 for the first time, so pretty cool to check back in with her now that she’s completed her read-through of the series.


Interview with Kierra Lewis


Andrew: Well, actually, why don’t we just jump right into the interview with Kierra today to kick things off?

Eric: Let’s do it.

Andrew: We are now joined by Kierra Lewis! Welcome back to MuggleCast, Kierra.

Kierra Lewis: What’s going on, everybody?

Andrew: It’s great to have you back, and for anybody who doesn’t know – but I hope everyone has, because it’s been an awesome experience – you have been documenting reading the Harry Potter series for the first time on your social media channels, and you just finished a few weeks ago?

Kierra: Finally! Yeah, it was a journey, for sure.

Andrew: [laughs] It was fascinating.

Eric: Here, I got you some balloons!

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Well, first of all, I have to say I think I speak for all of us, and then everybody watching: Every time I saw one of your videos come up, I was so excited to see what you were going through. I know it was painful, but it was a joy for us to watch.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Kierra: Emotions all over, for sure.

Andrew: Yeah. Do you feel relieved to have finished? And what feelings are you experiencing?

Kierra: Well, I finally started processing my emotions a couple days ago, because right after I finished the book, I had to catch a plane to go to the Wizarding World in Universal. So I was wanting to cry, but I was like, “No, I know cousin Harry would want me to be joyful there.” But the emotions finishing the book… honestly, I’m not even relieved. I kind of just want to jump back into the story.

Eric: Aww.

[Andrew laughs]

Kierra: If anything, it’s depressing me. Being in the story, but now I’ve got to face the real world, so I’m missing the Harry Potter world for sure.

Eric: You can always do a reread. That’s what we’ve learned in our many years.

Kierra: I’m saving it for the TV series.

Eric: Fair enough.

Kierra: I want to reread it right beforehand so my memory will be fresh.

Eric: That sounds good. Now, this is an easy question, but at the same time, we have to ask it: What’s your favorite book from the Harry Potter series?

Kierra: Oh, I was just thinking about this earlier today. So it’s kind of a tie between Half-Blood Prince and Goblet of Fire, just because… I know, some people it’s not their favorite. But Goblet of Fire, I like it just because I got to see them be kids, the Triwizard cup… and then Half-Blood Prince, even from the first chapter, I feel like the author just had me so engulfed in the story, finding out about the Ministry of Magic, all the backstory of Baldy Voldy, and yeah, those are my top books.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: No, those are great answers. There’s no wrong answers, by the way, when we ask that, too, so it’s always very satisfying.

Kierra: Okay. The only wrong answer is Chamber of Secrets. That book is…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Why does everyone dislike that book? Oh my God.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Kierra: It never does it for me. I’m not even… yeah, it’s still good, but that’s my least, least, least favorite.

Andrew: Okay, that’s fair. I mean, everybody’s got to have a least favorite, right?

Eric: I guess that’s true.

Andrew: So if that’s yours, fine.

Micah: Well, you mentioned Half-Blood Prince being one of your favorites, so I’m curious, how has your perspective on certain characters like Snape or maybe Dumbledore changed throughout the course of the series? I know there’s been a lot of emotion along the way.

Kierra: Yeah, I would say for Dumbledore… I’m still pro-Dumbledore, but in the beginning, I did see him… I feel like there’s certain people in your life, whether it be your parents or your grandparents, where you just see them as just this god-given just “I can’t do any wrong” type of person, but in then hearing about his backstory, it did break my heart a little bit. But I am understanding, in a sense of “Your past is one thing,” but how he died, he died, I feel like, for the greater good for everybody else. He had Harry’s intentions in mind with everything. So yeah, I don’t resent him. I just, if anything, see him more as a human. We’re eye to eye now. And then Snape, oh my God, it was a roller coaster with Snape. One minute I hate him; the next chapter, I love him again. I would say he’s one of those as well, where you think you hate him, but you find out his reasons for everything, and you just… at least, I can’t help but to be compassionate and loving towards him for sure, which I know is an unpopular opinion. A lot of people hate my boy Snape; that’s okay.

Laura: Yeah, I think that’s a fair approach to take. There’s a lot of nuance in this series, right? And so it does force you to hold multiple truths and be able to accept them. But with some of the tougher moments of the series in mind, there were some moments when you were reading where you were ready to stop the Harry Potter series altogether, so I’m wondering, did the series ultimately give you what you wanted, and are you glad that you actually stuck it out and finished?

Kierra: Oh, it gave me way more than I wanted and expected.

Laura: Yay!

Kierra: Way more. Like I said, I thought it was just going to be a lighthearted series, and I mean, whether it reflected me and my life stories with my family, or just the current world that we’re in right now, I just feel like it was just… honestly, the story is just so powerful, and it’s very timeless. And then your second question… oh, I’m so glad I didn’t stop, 100%. I think people had to remind me that this was a story and the last book was about war, so there was going to be a lot of devastation, of death, and of course, it hurt me. I had to take days off from it. But getting to the end, it was so worth it, just seeing my cousin come out on top.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Heck yeah.

Kierra: It made it all worth it for sure.

Eric: Aw.

Micah: You mentioned earlier that you were at the theme park recently. I’m curious, what was that experience like for you coming off of just having finished the books? And I’ll ask a followup question: I saw you rode Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure, and I thought you had a great line, now you know why Harry doesn’t like riding with Hagrid.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Did you ride in the motorbike or the sidecar?

Kierra: So I rode in the motorbike, so I was Hagrid.

Micah: Me too, me too, okay.

Kierra: And I know there’s a different experience for both, but one was enough for me. I’m not a big roller coaster fan.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Me too, 100%.

Kierra: I was like, “If Hagrid was driving, no wonder cousin Harry was not a fan of it.” But it was amazing. Honestly, I feel like they got… I don’t know if they replicated the studios or whatever, but I feel like they just got the entire wizarding world and just plopped it in Universal Studios, from the butterbeer to whether I was riding the rides or going into the wand stores. Ollivander, his shopping store… the whole experience was amazing, so yeah, I loved it.

Andrew: Yeah. Well, now that you’ve finished the books and you’ve experienced the theme park, what else are you most excited for in the wizarding world? Are you going to explore the other books, like the Fantastic Beasts or the TV show? What are you most looking forward to?

Kierra: Oh, I mean, there’s… so I’m excited for tomorrow; I’m going to see Cursed Child play.

Andrew: [gasps] Oooh.

Kierra: And I’m meeting the cast, so that’s exciting.

Laura: Oh, that’s awesome!

Micah: Nice.

Kierra: I know; I feel like… and I hadn’t read the script.

Andrew: The script book, yeah.

Andrew: So I’m going in blind, so I just really…

Kierra: Perfect.

Kierra: Yeah, that’s what everyone tells me, so I’m excited for that.

[Micah laughs]

Kierra: I still need to watch the last three movies, so I want to do that. And possibly… I’ve debated; I need to see more about Fantastic Beasts, but I know people would love to see that from me too. Yeah, that, and hopefully go to the London studios, maybe this fall for my birthday.

Andrew: Okay, cool. Well, you mentioned rereading possibly before the TV show starts airing. Is there any scene or one book in particular you’re looking forward to being adapted for the TV show?

Kierra: Ohh, okay. Let me think about that. I know for sure we’ve got to have my boy Peeves. I want to see Peeves, and I want to see SPEW. We need to… Hermione needs to have her group there.

Andrew and Laura: Yes.

Kierra: So those two. But as far as books to shows, probably… because I haven’t seen Half-Blood, so I can’t say that. I would honestly say probably Goblet, because that was my favorite book, but when I watched the movie… not that it was bad, but I was kind of let down, because I feel like so many scenes were missing from it, which… understandably; it was a movie, and they couldn’t put all the scenes in there.

Andrew: But that is the beauty of the TV show; they’ll be able to fit everything. They’re really not going to have an excuse. [laughs]

Eric: There’s no excuse!

Kierra: I’m pro-TV show. I know some people are like, “We got the movies, we got the movies,” but now they got more time to get the details of the things they weren’t able to get in the movies. So I’m pro-TV series.

Andrew: We wholeheartedly agree with you here.

Laura: Yeah, give us the Winky subplot.

Kierra: Yeah, oh my God!

Laura: I missed that so much in the movie.

Eric: So Kierra, have you dabbled in any fanfiction that people have written?

Kierra: [laughs] Not yet. I’m trying to process Harry Potter, but I do have a couple of… like “All the Young Dudes.”

Eric: Yeah, yeah!

Kierra: Okay, so I’ve heard good things about that. People want me to get into that.

Eric: Oh, yeah, that one’s good. Depending on what era you want to read about, what characters, there’s so much that’s been… over the years has been very good.

Kierra: That’s what I’ve heard. So that, and Dramione, but I don’t know. I’m so pro-Ron and Hermione; I don’t know if I can handle anything that’s not them right now.

Eric: Well, give yourself the time and the space to kind of separate it all out in your head and then dive in for fun, for sure, would be my recommendation.

Kierra: Hello.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Laura, do you have any recommendations? Laura used to run or help run the fanfiction section of MuggleNet.com way back in the day.

Laura: Yeah, a million years ago, it feels like. But honestly, “All the Young Dudes” is probably the first one that I would recommend to you, and it sounds like you already got that one on lock. It is so, so good. There is a really popular Dramione fanfiction called “Manacled,” but I will say that one is very dark, and I don’t know. I don’t know if it really… if you’re looking for a romance story, I don’t think that’s the story, but it is very well written. It’s just kind of tough to read.

Eric: Then there are ones that you can read just for fun, like “My Immortal” as well.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Which is early…

Kierra: What is “My Immortal”?

Eric: “My Immortal,” early classic. If it evokes the song from Evanescence, it’s just like that. It stars Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, a transfer student from the US who’s into Snape and the Dark Lord.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: And it’s written like an early 2000s Tumblr post went crazy.

Kierra: Oh, I love this! Wait, what’s it called?

Eric: “My Immortal.”

Kierra: Okay, I’m going to have to check that one out. Anything with Snape, I’m a fan of. Hello.

Andrew: Well, and any two characters that you’ve imagined pairing, somebody else has definitely come up with a fanfiction for. I think one that Laura cites quite a bit… Laura, you’ve jokingly referenced the very real McGonagall/Giant Squid fanfictions? Do I have that right?

Kierra: Oh, y’all getting creative now.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, somebody submitted one of those, and it was too graphic to go on MuggleNet fanfiction…

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: … so it was rejected because that was a family website. But yeah, people….

Kierra: BookTok would eat something like that up, because they love…

Laura: Totally.

[Kierra and Laura laugh]

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Micah: We know that you read with so much passion; you react with so much passion. Were there any noise complaints as you were reading through the Harry Potter series?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: And if so, how many?

Kierra: I hate to be a disappointment, but I’ve gotten zero.

Micah: Wow.

Andrew: That’s great.

Kierra: Now, I don’t know if it’s because either my neighbors could be working, because most of the time I read during the day…

Eric: Oooh.

Kierra: … or I like to think that just our walls are thick too.

[Eric laughs]

Kierra: Which is a saving grace, because yeah, without that, I think I probably would have gotten a hundred or so, or I would have been living someplace else.

Micah: Or they could just be supportive.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Kierra: I will say, when I lived in Nashville, while I was reading the Harry Potter series, my neighbors… I didn’t tell them that I did BookTok, but one day they just saw me out, and I guess I just popped up on her “For you” page, so she found out I was doing book-related videos, and she said that she could hear me, but she would just laugh about it. So I did have a situation where she was cool with it and understood, but yeah, in this case we’re good so far, but knock on wood.

Eric: Man, that’s it. Everyone on your block just supported you the whole way through.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. I’m sure you saw this, Kierra, but there was a great TikTok of somebody pretending to be your neighbor listening.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: It was just your audio in the TikTok. It was so funny. Well, Kierra, those are our questions for you. Thank you so much for coming on. Congrats again on finishing the series and all your success, and we can’t wait to see what you read next. I’m sure everybody’s so excited to continue following your reading journey.

Kierra: Hello. Well, thank y’all for having me! Y’all are my cousins from miles and miles away.

Andrew: Aww, we love you too. What are you reading now? Or what’s next?

Kierra: So next is Hunger Games. I am taking a break; I was going to start it this week, but think I just need to get my mind clear before I go into this emotional journey. But yeah, haven’t seen the movies; haven’t read the books, along with staying with Harry Potter, so I’m excited for it. And I hear the newest book is good.

Eric: We loved it.

Andrew: It is, yeah. A few of us have finished it already, and yeah, we love it.

Kierra: Did y’all cry?

Andrew: I was getting emotional.

Kierra: Okay.

Andrew: I didn’t cry, but I was getting emotional, yeah. Well, listeners, Kierra is @KierraLewis75 on TikTok, and then on Instagram, @Kierra_Lewis1. Anything else you want to plug?

Kierra: I think it’s just those two, Instagram and TikTok, yeah.

Andrew: Awesome. Well, thank you again, Kierra, so much for joining us.

Kierra: Thank y’all for having me.

Andrew: All right, that was a lot of fun having Kierra on the podcast. Listeners, make sure you check her out on social media; we’ll have links to all of her channels in the show notes. Also, a special announcement: Since this is Episode 700, we are excited to announce the remaining inventory of our MuggleCast “19 Years Later” T-shirts – which I am wearing today – are now available in the overstock store. All sizes are currently available. If you’re a patron in the US, you also have access to free shipping; we dropped a promo code to access that free shipping in the Patreon chat, so make sure you check that out. These T-shirts are only available while supplies last, and this is a great way to celebrate this milestone episode of MuggleCast. Also, we would really appreciate your support on Patreon. Patreon.com/MuggleCast is where you can pledge, and you’ll get instant access to dozens – actually, over 100 – bonus MuggleCast episodes. You’ll also get access to ad-free episodes, a new physical gift every year, the chance to cohost the show one day, and a lot more, so please check that out as well. Support on Patreon is the only reason why we have reached 20 years and 700 episodes, so special thank you to our patrons today for getting us to this milestone.

Eric: Absolutely.


Game: Who Said It?


Andrew: Well, we have more fun today. Micah, you put together a game for us, right?

Micah: Yeah, I figured it would be a lot of fun to reflect back on some prior episodes of MuggleCast, and what better way to do that than to see if we can all recall who said it, right?

Eric: Ahh.

Micah: There’s been some iconic moments in MuggleCast history. Some of them may be included here; some of them may not. But are you up for playing a little bit of a game?

Andrew: I’m scared, but yeah.

Micah: So I’m going to put a softball out there to start. This one I feel like most people should be able to get, okay?

Andrew and Laura: Okay.

Micah: “I got the deal you need, Andy. Check this out: Transfer your domain to GoDaddy for as little as $6.99, and get a free one-year extension, plus guaranteed renewal pricing.”

Andrew: [laughs] That’s our old ad guy, Mason. Is that who that is?

Micah: Laura? Eric? You agree?

Eric: I concur with Andrew.

Laura: Yep. Lock it in.

Micah: All right. Yes, that was indeed Mason.

Eric: Oh, man.

Laura: Final answer.

Andrew: [laughs] Okay. I wasn’t expecting him to be a question today.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Hey, but that’s a really good test question, right?

Andrew: Yes.

Micah: All right, you ready for the next one?

Eric: Absolutely.

Laura: Yep.

Micah: “The audio quality was bad. The content was bad. It was poorly planned. But hey, you live, you learn.”

Andrew: I’m going to say me.

Laura: That sounds like Andrew.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: I think the hint is “You live, you learn,” because that’s not a saying I would utter, but yeah, I’d go with Andrew.

Micah: Final answers?

Eric: I mean, he said sounds like him, so I’m going to guess that.

Andrew: Right. [laughs]

Micah: You are all incorrect.

[Andrew and Laura gasp]

Micah: This was said by Ben on Episode 50 of MuggleCast.

Andrew and Eric: Oooh.

Laura: Snap.

Eric: 50!

Micah: He was referring to the first episode ever recorded.

Eric: I love how…

Laura: Okay, well, that’s a little harsh. Teenagers, you know?

Eric: Yeah, well, each milestone that grants us the opportunity for reflection is a gift, so I like that even on Episode 50, we were like, “We’ve improved so much since then.” Because if we stuck to that, by 700 we’d be pretty good.

Micah: The next one: “When Dumbledore’s eyes twinkle brightly behind his spectacles, you had better be glad he’s wearing his glasses, otherwise the brightness of that twinkle would burn a hole right through you.”

Laura: Is that Jamie?

Andrew: I think that’s Eric.

Eric: Maybe Jamie?

Micah: Got one Eric? Two Jamies and one Eric. The correct answer is Jamie. These were Dumbledore Norris facts. Do you remember these?

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Yeah, yeah.

Eric: Some of them were ripped straight from the early Internet’s repository of Chris Norris facts with slight changes, like, “Underneath Dumbledore’s massive beard is not a chin, it’s another fist.”

Laura: Fist, yeah, exactly.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: This was a very popular segment early on in MuggleCast history.

Eric: Oh, I love that, Micah. Thank you for that.

Micah: This was from Episode 55. Our next quote, I will preface it by saying, Laura, you said to this person, “I was actually hired to work on MuggleNet on Halloween, so this Halloween is going to be my two-year anniversary,” to which this person said, “That was a sad day in MuggleNet history.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: That was Ben.

Eric: I’d say nobody heckled Laura like Ben heckled Laura.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: I agree with that.

Micah: You are all incorrect. That was Kevin.

Laura: What?!

Eric: Whoa, it was Kevin!

Laura: Yeah, well, okay. Well, that’s different. He just liked to needle everybody. That’s fine; he didn’t mean it.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: You got some rare Kevin needling. That was very satisfying.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: That was Episode 70 of MuggleCast, so I had to go back a little bit. I wanted to go as far away… I didn’t want anything too recent for this game show. Next up: “Why would you create a theme park? The countless hundreds of millions of dollars spent on a theme park for a character who’s going to die?”

Andrew: [laughs] What?

Laura: Oh, gosh. I don’t…

Micah: I think the thought was we were still theorizing at this time about what was going to happen, and this comment was, “Why would you create a theme park for a character that’s going to die?”

Eric: This is hilarious.

Laura: I actually feel really stumped by this one.

Andrew: Jamie.

Eric: Was it Ben?

Micah: Laura?

Laura: Was it Micah? Micah, was it you?

Micah: It was me.

Andrew and Eric: Ohhh!

Laura: Damn!

Andrew: I was just thinking, we need a Micah answer. [laughs]

Eric: It was funny then, and it’s funny now, man.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: That is a good… I do remember kind of thinking at the time, “It’s going to be sad going through the theme park if Harry is no longer alive, or Ron or Hermione,” but eh, we learned to live to enjoy the park while Dumbledore is dead.

Micah: That was Episode 95.

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: Okay.

Micah: “We should have a new segment called homework or something where we assign the listeners homework to go and find the things that we talked about 50 episodes ago and remind us so that we know.”

Laura: Eric.

Eric: [laughs] I quote about being forgetful; it goes straight to me. You know what? I’ll probably agree with that. Was it me?

Andrew: I’ll guess myself.

Micah: The correct answer is Laura.

Laura: Oh, damn it.

Micah: Episode 150.

Laura: So I’m the asshole. Okay.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: We’re like, 0 for 8 on these. I love it.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: I love that they’re funny and challenging at the same time to go back. But it’s worth shouting out, we’ve had several listeners throughout the years bring us their findings from… they’ll listen and they’ll be like, “I thought it would be fun, you guys, to compile all the predictions you ever made,” or we’ve asked our listeners in the past to help us tally who was on each episode, which we’ve touted those stats on previous hundred episodes. We don’t have them for today. But our listeners have been a very invaluable resource. We love and have always been very touched that they engage with the show, but then also have allowed us to continue celebrating the show throughout the years.

Micah: Well, hopefully you enjoy this next one. “Let’s move on to Chapter by Chapter. This week, we’re talking about the penultimate chapter. You guys like that word? ‘Penultimate’?”

Andrew: That has to be me.

Laura: Really?

Andrew: I love the word penultimate. [laughs]

Laura: Do you? Okay, because also I’m thinking this could be Eric, maybe?

Eric: I feel like either I read it in a transcript recently, or I remember vaguely 20-ish, 18-ish years ago geeking out about “penultimate.” I’m going to say it’s me, but I think – correct me if I’m wrong, Micah – no matter who said it, that might be the title of that episode.

Micah: “Penultimate.” I don’t know offhand, but we can check, because it was on Episode 151. And it was Andrew.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Oh, dang.

Eric: Okay.

Laura: I suck at this game.

Eric: We each take turns, really… no, Episode 151’s title is “Google, Define: Goat.”

Andrew: [laughs] I do think you’re right, though, Eric; I vaguely remember an episode being titled “Penultimate.”

Micah: Probably.

Laura: I remember that too.

Micah: Well, Eric very much likes the word “titular.” That comes up quite a bit.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: “Titular.” I also… one of the first things we sourced our listeners on – it was maybe Episode 6 or so – I said, “You hear about primary and secondary a lot, but what comes after primary and secondary?” And they wrote in and they were like, “It’s tertiary.” That was the first word I learned since starting MuggleCast.

Andrew: Oh, wow.

Micah: All right, a couple more here before we wrap up this game. Next one: “I was in the right place at the right time because I just moved back to London. If I moved back six months later, someone else might have gotten it.”

Andrew: Well, this is Jamie, you would think. [laughs]

Laura: I mean, process of elimination here…

Andrew: Who moved to…? Wait, Elysa? Wasn’t…? I mean, she was in Oxford.

Laura: Yeah, but the quote says, “I moved back to London.”

Andrew: Did Jamie ever live in London?

Laura: I thought so.

Eric: But it’s about “wouldn’t have gotten it,” so I wonder if it’s a role that was… like, this is somebody we interviewed.

Andrew: Ohhh! Evanna Lynch. Is this Evanna Lynch? [laughs]

Eric: Could be. I’m going to guess Evanna.

Micah: Laura?

Laura: I’ll go with Evanna.

Micah: Unfortunately, you are all wrong. This is David Heyman.

Andrew: Ohh! All right.

Micah: Can you imagine if he never got it?

Eric: No, I could not. The “What if?” on that is too depressing to contemplate.

Andrew: That is a good trick question, though, because we gravitated towards the hosts.

Micah: And that was Episode 200 of MuggleCast, “Accept Defeat.”

Eric: “Admit Defeat.”

Micah: “Admit Defeat,” yes. I was going to use that one, but Eric, I figured that was too easy for you to guess.

Eric: Yeah, we know that one.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: For folks who don’t know, David Heyman played the Dueling Club with us back on episode 200 of MuggleCast.

Eric: He got pretty excited. Yeah, he got pretty into it.

Micah: All right, last one, and I figured that this is an appropriate way to wrap up this game: “I think Harry is a lover, not a fighter.”

Laura: Okay, this has to be Eric.

Eric: I don’t think there’s been one for me, which is nice. You really kept the word count down.

Andrew: Oh, okay. [laughs] “Kept the word count down.”

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Yeah, if I just ran on for five minutes, we would know.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: No, no, I’m glad none of my quotes are here; they would have been too long.

Andrew: Oh, stop, stop.

Eric: Especially back then. I had no filter. I’m going to guess me only because I haven’t been, but I think it might sound more like something Ben might say.

Andrew: Eh, I’ll go with Eric too.

Micah: Laura?

Laura: Oh, Eric, for sure.

Micah: You are all right, so the perfect way to end this fun segment. And thanks to Meg and all the transcribers over the years, because without them, I would not have been able to go back and cull all these segments.

Andrew: Including you, Micah!

Micah: Yeah, way back in the day.

Eric: Yeah, you were the first transcriber for MuggleCast.

Micah: I was.

Eric: What episode was that last quote from?

Micah: 19.

Eric: Yeah, that was a great segment. I think that solidifies it, that we don’t know what the heck we said, or who said what.

Micah: Oh, how is that even…? Yeah, it’s impossible for us to remember everything that we’ve said over the years.

Eric: [laughs] But we had fun doing it, I think.


Listener Feedback


Andrew: Well, it’s time for the mailbag portion of today’s episode. First of all, Micah, 700 episodes. We said we were each having a drink today; we should tell our audience what we’re actually drinking. What’s the shot you’ve been sipping on?

Micah: A little bit of Bourbon.

Andrew: Oooh, fancy. I’m drinking a lager, but it’s not a basic lager; it’s one in partnership with Patagonia, the hiking gear company.

Laura: Okay.

Andrew: It’s called a Kernzer lager. “Bright, crisp, and wildly drinkable.” So yeah, that’s what we’re having, for anybody wondering.

Eric: Love that. And as said before, I have the Kirkland lime sparkling water.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Beautiful.

Andrew: I do love those.

Eric: These are great.

Andrew: That’s what I’m normally drinking while recording MuggleCast.

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Andrew: Well, to kick off the mailbag portion of today’s episode, we have a voicemail from one of our listeners.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hey MuggleCast, this is Karen, and I am a Hufflepuff. And I have read the series many times, but on this reread, I found myself thinking about the individualistic nature of the ways that Harry and Hermione tried to resist Umbridge early in Order of the Phoenix, with Harry and Hermione both doing some version of just speaking up alone and then getting punished. And on this reread, I was wondering what impact more collective actions like some of those I’ve taken as an active member of my graduate student union might have had on Umbridge, on Hogwarts, or maybe even the Ministry. So for example, what would have happened if Hogwarts students had written an op-ed in the Daily Prophet or another media outlet about how they weren’t learning anything useful? Would the public have rallied behind them? Or how would the Ministry have responded if students had their parents sign and/or circulate a petition? What if students went on strike from the DADA lessons until they learned something practical? I would imagine, or at least hope, that Umbridge doesn’t have dozens of blood torture quills, so it would have put pressure on her in a different way, because she couldn’t give detention to everybody all at the same time. I’m also thinking that these kind of actions might have been somewhat familiar to Hogwarts students, given that industry-wide strikes are far more common in Europe than they are in the US. Anyway, thanks for listening, and I would love to hear if y’all have other ideas about what kinds of collective actions the students could have taken in response to Umbridge’s educational malpractice and physical abuse. Thanks for all you do.”

[Voicemail ends]

Andrew: Great question. I do think the Ministry would have tried to spin what the students were saying somehow. They wouldn’t just put their hands up and be like, “You got us!”

Eric: Yeah, it’s questionable if the Daily Prophet would have published that op-ed.

Andrew: That too, yeah. Could be published elsewhere, though. Quibbler?

Eric: Quibbler would have been an option, yep, absolutely, which Harry ends up using. I like all of these suggestions, and I’m wondering if… really, sitting out of the DADA lessons, she can try and pass an Educational Decree that’s going to punish students for not showing up, but is she really going to put everyone in detention? Just like Karen said. So I really love these ideas. I don’t know that I have any to add.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: But the time to act is always sooner than later, before Umbridge got complete and full control of the school by passing all the degrees she needed to to get control of the teachers and all of that. The real time for all the students to oppose her was… part of the reason it’s so insidious what she did is it’s a slow, gradual move to totalitarianism, and they weren’t ready to resist or fight back. Very few people even agreed that she was there for any untoward reasons, because so few people agreed Voldemort was back! So it was a whole thing.

Andrew: All right, well, let’s move on to some emails now.

Micah: First one comes from TJ, talking about us being too hard on Draco.

Andrew: What?!

Micah: [laughs] TJ said,

“Hey MuggleCast! Never thought I would say this, but I think you’re being a little too hard on Draco during the Order of the Phoenix reread. Maybe it’s because I’ve been listening to your Half-Blood Prince Chapter by Chapter recently, but Year 5 is really the last ‘good’ year Draco will have in the series! After this, he’s forced to kill Dumbledore and is terrorized by the Dark Lord in his own home. Cut Draco some slack and appreciate the fun times this 15-year-old boy has with his friends this year, as those are the last laughs he’ll have in a while.”

Andrew: [laughs] Well, but he doesn’t know that this is his last good year, so…

Eric: And the kind of laughs Draco has are by bringing misery to others. I actually… I don’t want to be controversial; I would say we are not going too hard on Draco. I would say that his privilege has brought him to a place where he does not have to live with any of the consequences of his actions, and that some of the events of the later books, while harrowing for him, do him some good, and his character some good.

Micah: TJ goes on to say,

“On a slightly related note, I can’t wait for you to get to the Deathly Hallows Chapter by Chapter! I’ve gone all the way back to Episode 121 to start the only Deathly Hallows Chapter by Chapter you guys have done, and oh boy, did I forget how different things were. From hearing Andrew and Matt learn about what Twilight is from Laura (and me having flashbacks to listening to Imprint), to Andrew reading a Facebook message he got from a listener offering him ‘wacky tobaccy’…”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

“… and yelling about only having two cohosts on because Laura was studying for finals and Eric was in New Zealand… but at least Micah was excited to say his name second when you all introduce yourselves because of it. I love how unhinged it all was and kinda wish we had some more unhinged MuggleCast energy back in our lives. Keep up the amazing work!”

Andrew: TJ, how can we create an unhinged MuggleCast today? We are open to suggestions. We can get Micah a second shot right now.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: I can maybe pound this beer instead of politely sipping it. If anybody wants to offer me more wacky tobaccy, I’m open to that.

Eric: [laughs] It was just that energy that came straight off of living in one of the most magnificent times for who we were, for what our passion was. Laura, you agree?

Laura: Yeah, totally. It was just this really odd time where we caught on to something that really blew up to be a lot bigger than I, at least, imagined it could be at the time. And when you’re that young, having something get that big, and having that big of a responsibility is exciting, but also kind of terrifying, and there were definitely times where it did kind of feel like we were all flying by the seats of our pants, but that was what made it fun at the same time, too. So yeah, it was fun. Those were the scrappy days of MuggleCast. I miss it too.

Andrew: And the scrappy days of podcasting in general. We’ve improved, not just in sound quality, but we try to put together a more organized show for different reasons, including giving a broader audience a certain thing to expect every week. But that said, we never refuse having some fun. We’re always doing something a little goofy on the show. But yeah, we’ll keep that in mind, the unhinged energy, TJ.

Micah: I’m unhinged most weeks; Andrew just edits it out.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That’s for your own good.

Andrew: Tune into the livestreams.

Eric: Yeah, we don’t want to get canceled.

Andrew: And I will say, the bonus MuggleCast episodes that we record, too… we still need to do more of this, but we could dig deeper into our history to get a little… to bring up some of those wilder memories, which I know people like as well. But yeah, thanks for the feedback, TJ, and for sticking with us. I didn’t realize Laura introduced Matt and I to Twilight. That’s cool.

Laura: I didn’t realize that either, but it kind of makes sense, because I started reading it because my college roommate was reading it, and I saw the cover with the hands holding the apple, and I was like, “Oh, that’s very pretty,” and then I burned through it. And Elysa had read it, too, so we were talking about it, and I think that was when we were all thinking about, “What’s the next book podcast we all want to do together?” So I think that’s how it worked out.

Eric: That makes sense.

Andrew: All right, next email is from Joan on Hermione being in Ravenclaw.

“Hey y’all, I’m listening to Episode 697 and Micah posed the question of why the Sorting Hat ultimately put Hermione in Gryffindor over Ravenclaw. I think Hermione answers this question herself in Book 1: (paraphrasing) ‘Books and cleverness… there are more important things, like friendship and bravery.’ Hermione herself values Gryffindor traits over Ravenclaw, and that is why she was Sorted there. She may have traits that Ravenclaws value, but the traits that SHE herself values pull the most weight during Sorting.”

Great point, Joan. I love that.

Micah: Yeah, I think that goes to what Eric and Laura both talked about in that episode of it looks at your values, right? And Hermione’s values more align with Gryffindor than with Ravenclaw, at least at that particular moment.

Laura: All right, our next Muggle Mail comes from Myda, who’s writing in on the Weasley clock and Molly’s overprotective nature. Also, disclaimer: If I pronounce your name incorrectly, please let me know, because I hate butchering people’s names. So Myda says,

“This is Myda, your fellow Ravenclaw from Lahore, Pakistan. So I have a two-part discussion I wanted your opinions on. Firstly, while listening to recent episodes from Order of the Phoenix and how Molly is overprotective of her family and wants to keep her kids at Hogwarts safe, this reminded me of the Weasley clock and how it tells when someone is in mortal peril. This got me thinking about how every time the trio is on their adventures and Ron thinks he’s probably going to die, and the clock says ‘Mortal peril,’ what does Molly do in this situation? Does she contact Dumbledore at that time and tell him about how Ron is in danger because the clock says so, and is that how Dumbledore knows what’s going on with the trio and when they are on their adventures? Is the clock basically his source for the timing of the adventure? Because he probably knows what the adventure is, considering he usually makes Hogwarts a security nightmare. Also, how does the clock know when someone is in mortal peril? Is it attuned to heartbeats or vitals (like how Star Labs know when Barry is in danger because they can monitor his vitals through the suit)? Is that also how it knows when someone is dead and their handle falls off from the clock?”

Laura: I totally forgot that happens when someone dies. She goes on to say,

“Secondly, I was listening to some of the older episodes, and it occurred to me… how does the curse on the Defense Against the Dark Arts position work? Why did the curse on the Defense Against the Dark Arts consider Moody’s one year completed when he wasn’t even teaching? Does the clock for the year start when they sign the contract, and when real Moody signed it, that’s when the curse started? Or does it work on the magical signature of the person? Because in that case, Moody’s one year never even started, as Fakey was the one teaching. Would love to hear your thoughts.”

Andrew: So first of all, you would think Molly is panicking when she sees that clock switch to “Mortal peril,” given how we see her react in other scenarios. So I don’t know; maybe, yeah, Dumbledore is just like, [imitating Dumbledore] “Oh, no worries. No, it’s totally cool. We have the safest school on the planet. It’s all good.”

Eric: I wonder why they would even put the “Mortal peril” thing on the clock. I mean, would you really want to know? Would you really want to see that?

Andrew: Yeah. It’s like Find My Friends; if you start watching somebody too closely on there, you start getting paranoid. “Oh, why are they here? Why are they on the highway but not moving?”

Eric: That has never happened to me.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: You don’t stalk your friends on Find My Friends too?

Eric: Uh, Snap Map.

Andrew: [laughs] Okay, yeah, that’s… I would advise not sharing your location on Snap Map, personally.

Eric: Don’t do it. It’s pretty weird.

Micah: Wasn’t there a point in the series, though, when Molly says that they’ve been stuck at “Mortal peril” for weeks, months…?

Eric: That’s right.

Micah: I forget the exact moment that that happens or what book, but I do like this idea. Molly would be monitoring the clock, would likely be in correspondence with Dumbledore, but I’m not sure he really cares all that much, to be honest with you.

Andrew: [laughs] [imitating Dumbledore] “Leave me alone.”

Eric: Yeah, I like the clock. I’m less sure about how it works. What I would say, though, as far as the Moody and the DADA curse part of the question: I’ve always viewed it as the curse that’s on the DADA position is not something where Voldemort lifted his wand and said an incantation. That’s not what’s going on there. That is something where an incredibly powerful magical being in Voldemort has a subconscious will to prevent someone from occupying a position that he covets, and so through whatever means, our will has the way to affect random chance. It’s Felix Felicis level random chance that it’s tapping into; that’s the kind of magic that Voldemort is working, by not… essentially, it’s not like he uttered a spell. It’s not that Voldemort would even be conscious of it, but the universe is bending around Voldemort’s will because he’s a powerful magic person, so that’s kind of always been my guess. And then regarding Moody, I don’t think we know that Alastor Moody wanted to ever teach DADA, especially after the year that he had in the trunk at Hogwarts. It’s not like he couldn’t come back and actually teach; I don’t think there’s a magical barrier preventing him, but right around that time the stuff in the books is heating up and Moody has an Order to be a part of, and so he wouldn’t teach at Hogwarts, even though he’s back on retirement, because he’s essentially un-retired.

Laura: I also feel like that could be kind of traumatizing for the students. Even though intellectually they know this is the real Mad-Eye Moody, they just spent the entire previous year with an imposter, and that would make me uneasy, especially after some of the lessons that imposter did, like teaching them Unforgivable Curses.

Micah: Yeah. I always thought, though, that what happened to Moody was part of the curse, right? So normally we see the professor, for the most part, be able to fulfill their term, but in this case, the curse affected Moody in a different way and impacted him before he started term. So it was, in a way, preventing him from coming back for another year, because his situation was that somebody took over and impersonated him.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. And I think we can take a more bird’s eye view look at the curse and say the rules of the curse are: There will be a name teaching at Hogwarts this year. That same name will not be teaching the following year. Something like that. I don’t think it really has to do…

Eric: Yeah, tragedy will befall all who occupy this role.

Andrew: Yeah, next year you will have a new professor, come hell or high water.

Eric: Man, honestly, Remus Lupin got away easy comparatively. Compared to Gilderoy Lockhart, who will never be the same again. Here is an email from Jerri about Umbridge almost catching Sirius in the fireplace:

“When the Chapter by Chapter discussion went over just what control Umbridge might have had over Sirius when she (almost) caught him talking to the trio in the fireplace, I was reminded of an earlier strange use of Floo Powder that I don’t recall ever getting much discussion on how it could impact situations like this one. Back in the third book, when Snape questions Harry after Draco had seen his head in Hogsmeade, and Snape finds the Marauder’s Map, and while trying to figure it out gets insulted by Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, he wants to discuss things with Lupin. To do this, he throws Floo Powder (although unnamed in this chapter, it is described like it was earlier in Chamber when Harry uses it to travel to Diagon Alley) into the fireplace in his office and calls out Lupin’s name. Then, Lupin suddenly appears out of the fireplace! This is never explained in the books, nor do I remember ever encountering an explanation on Pottermore or other of the author’s writings. Does it only work if both people/fireplaces are inside Hogwarts? Or… could Umbridge use this to call any suspected teacher or even student to her office if they happen to be near a fireplace? If she had realized that it was Sirius, could she have called his name and forced him to appear in her fireplace? I admit that I think this is a sort of plot hole. Book 2 saw the introduction of Floo Powder and I think she was playing with it without considering the implications for future books, but it certainly could have come in useful (or harmfully) at times in Order of the Phoenix, and later books.”

Eric: Wow, Jerri, because I don’t remember ever talking about that brief moment with Snape and Lupin.

Andrew: Yeah, that’s a cool call-out, and that would certainly help explain. And at the same time, I agree that Rowling was probably still working through the rules of Floo Powder and how that would all work. But I like that idea, how Umbridge was able to track down Sirius.

Eric: I also think it is a case of Hogwarts being an inside line. If you’re in your local school network… because back in the early ’90s – not to date myself – in our classrooms, in our first, second, third grade classrooms, there were actually little intercoms in every classroom that the office could communicate to the teacher, and you would just hear a voice. Maybe it would beep first, but you would just hear a voice come over, and then… it was basically like the kind of stuff you have at your apartment door now, kind of a com system, and it’s just like that where you wouldn’t even need to dial out. So I think anyone within Hogwarts would be on the same small Floo Network, and be able to travel inter-fireplace-ly. But you can’t imagine how exhausting it was before Floo Powder was invented.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: I was thinking about that, too, this entire time. Early inspiration for the Hogwarts Floo Network.

Eric: Amazing.

Micah: Our next email comes from Ben. More about Flooing; wants to know why was Molly okay with Sirius Flooing the trio?

“Hey all, just a quick thing about Chapter 17 for you all to think about. Molly Weasley isn’t okay thinking about her kids taking part in Dumbledore’s Army, but is okay with Sirius using the Floo Network to talk to them when she knows all kinds of contact in and out of the school are being monitored! Ridiculous! Thanks, MuggleCast.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: That’s a good point. I don’t really have anymore to say on that, but it’s a good point.

Andrew: Well, this is why we love having feedback from listeners, because they’re giving us perspectives we might not have thought of. This next email is from Isla on Harry’s blood status.

“Hey, guys!!!! My name is Isla, and I have been listening for a while now and I do have a question. So in the golden trio, Ron is known for being pure-blood, Hermione a Muggle-born, and Harry a half-blood. But we all know that Lily and James went to Hogwarts together and lived in Godric’s Hollow as adults. So why is Harry considered a half-blood if both of his parents were magical? Love the show! #RavenclawPride.”

So James is considered pure-blood, but Lily was Muggle-born, so that’s why he’s considered a half-blood.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: It’s not just about his parents; it’s about their parents and so on and so forth.

Laura: So for example, Ron and Hermione’s kids are half-bloods.

Micah: Right. Well, and it’s presumed that somewhere in Lily’s lineage there was somebody of magical blood. We’d have to track it all the way back.

Eric: I think that was an interview question, yeah, that there are no real out-of-nowhere Muggle borns. But definitely for the Mudblood thing, or the Muggle-born versus half-blood thing, I don’t think it’s 100% consistent. Voldemort himself lies about his own status, but I don’t think it’s 100% consistent over… you can call someone a half-blood even if their grandparent was not magical, or Lily gets called that at one point. So yeah, I think it’s a little inconsistent. But ultimately we’ve answered, I think, why it is that he gets referred to that way.

Laura: Well, and the whole point of it is that it really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. And the whole caste system that the wizarding world has around blood status is very similar to how in certain regions and during certain periods of time, depending on where you were from, or what your particular ethnic background was, certain societies would determine the level of blood purity on the basis of those protected aspects of yourself, and they would come up with very similar, not exactly scientifically specific names. Technically, if somebody… let’s say somebody is a half-blood, but then they have children with someone who’s pure-blooded. That child would colloquially also be considered a half-blood. But what does half-blood really mean? If you have two people who have different quantities of half-blood background in them… it just doesn’t make sense; it’s stupid, and I think that’s by intention, to point out how ridiculous it is to even split people up on the basis of blood status.

Andrew: I do love, though, that each member of the trio is a different blood status. Ron, pure; Hermione, Muggle-born; Harry, half. That’s cool. I hadn’t really thought about that before.

Micah: And the pure-blood is presumably the worst wizard.

Andrew: [laughs] But he’s our Ron.

Micah: Our Won-Won.

Andrew: He couldn’t be further from a Malfoy.

Laura: Next email comes from Bev, who’s writing about alternative professions for Snape. Bev says,

“Hi, y’all. Listening to your episode called ‘The High Inquisitor,’ I wonder what alternative career might have been better for Snape? He’s clearly not suited to teaching at all, so what about dark wizarding academia? Writing books? Research and writing? Not lecturing. Maybe potions inventor? There may be better options, of course.”

But yeah, Bev just wanted to see what our thoughts were. If we were career counselors, or if we were sending Snape to a job fair, what do we think might be good for him?

Eric: I like the dark wizarding academia. From what I understand from friends that are in academia, it’s a very – what’s the word? – toxic kind of space where you can write a paper discrediting or heavily implying that your colleague is a dunderhead, and I think Snape would really love that, and so I can easily see him writing some very sternly-worded letters. “My colleagues aren’t taking this seriously enough” kind of thing.

Andrew: I could see him as a Twitch streamer, maybe playing The Sims and Roller Coaster Tycoon, and he’s drowning his Sims in the pool.

Eric: [laughs] Oh, yeah.

Andrew: Or making his park attendees fly off a roller coaster and die or drown. That’s what I see for him.

Eric: [imitating Snape] “You all are thinking, ‘I want to go home.’ Well, here’s a foot path that doesn’t go anywhere.”

Andrew: [laughs] No, I mean, I know Bev said she couldn’t see him as a professor, but I could see him in higher education. He doesn’t work as well with kids. Kids are not for him.

Laura: No. Honestly, I could see Snape being a coder, and hear me out: He’s smart enough to be a coder, but generally speaking, if you’re a coder, you’re spending a lot more time with your code and a lot less time interacting with people. Marc even refers to himself as a code gremlin. [laughs] He’s like, “I want to be in my cave and I just want to code and I don’t want to talk to anyone.” So actually, I think this would be an ideal job for Snape.

Andrew: I think that’s a good one, because MuggleNet’s old coder, developer, Damon, he was a total Snape.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: That guy was a vampire. He was mean.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: The only time he was nice to you was when he was nerding out about his passion of coding. Any other time he was horrible to talk to. Bless you, Damon. I hope you’re well. [laughs]

Micah: I could see Snape working in a museum.

Andrew: Really? What, giving tours?

Micah: Just handing out the pamphlets.

Andrew: Dusting the fossils at night?

Micah: Maybe.

Andrew: Night guard? [laughs]

Micah: I would say anything that doesn’t require him to interact with other human beings is probably best suited for Snape.

Eric: As a kid, I really wanted to impress Damon. I wanted him to approve of me.

Andrew: [laughs] And he never gave us his approval.

Eric: No, it never happened. It never happened.

Laura: No, I don’t think any of us ever got that approval.

Eric: No. So our next email is from Jen. It’s a slight bit of a long one, but I love it.

“Dearest MuggleCast,”

Aw, dearest. Thanks.

“First, I love you all so much! Thanks for keeping me company at home for the last four years and for all you do! I work from home by myself, and regularly yell at the pod until Eric says my thoughts out loud for me. Thanks, Eric! Second, I need to jump in and defend against all of the Hogwarts teacher ‘hate.’ Well, not all of it… feel free to continue to hate on Snape and Binns… and maybe Trelawney too; they deserve it. “

Andrew: Wow.

Eric: Okay, okay, so cherry-picking the teacher hate, but calling us out at the same time?

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: This is your fan, Eric. This is your fan. [laughs]

Eric: I’m a little… I don’t know how I feel about it. There’s still ten more paragraphs to go.

“As for the rest of it, though, I think it’s been a bit unfair. We ultimately spend very little time in any teachers’ classroom aside from Snape, Binns, Trelawney, and DADA. They represent the worst and the best (Lupin and Moody’s DADA) in the eyes of Harry, so of course he is going to complain and delight about them respectively. As for the other regular non-DADA teachers, we only get small glimpses into their lessons and classes, but in all honesty, they sound pretty engaging. Or at the very least, they sound well planned with true attempts to make them engaging by the professors. They start with a short introduction of facts and/or a demonstration, followed by time for the whole group to practice, and then individual and partner practice. We see this in Flitwick’s introduction to Leviosa, Sprout’s introduction of Mandrakes, McGonagall’s introduction of Vera Verto, and more. In the entire series, we only see a max of 4-5 snippets of each subject out of hundreds of lessons that we don’t see through the years. Are we certain Flitwick doesn’t teach a unit on household and healing charms? Do we really believe that McGonagall would let them leave Hogwarts without attempting to help them understand the purposes of Transfiguration in the real world?”

Eric: And here’s the explanation for these thoughts.

“I was a middle school Social Studies teacher for 14 years, and am now a curriculum creator. As a teacher, I spent HOURS carefully crafting engaging lessons. I worked hard to ensure that no more than 10-15 minutes of a class was notes and lecture, and when it was lecture, I turned things into gossipy soap opera style stories to help students remember. My average lesson was much like a Hogwarts lesson above: a short 10-15 minute introduction of facts (usually with notes because I didn’t have reliable textbooks), and then the rest of the class was activities – reading, writing, drawing, or creating with groups, partners, or independently. At the end of the year, when you asked my ‘Hermione’ students what we did that year, they would summarize all the projects and contests and activities. If you asked my ‘Harry’ students what we did, they would tell you ‘We took notes’ and maybe mention one of their favorite projects. And of course, if you asked my ‘Ron’ students, they would probably say, ‘I don’t know, we took SOOOO many notes.’ I think you can see my point.

Does Dumbledore need to be doing more to regulate his teachers? Definitely. Do you know how many evaluations, teacher development sessions, educational committees, and seminars I went through each year? I think Snape, Trelawney, and even Hagrid could have potentially been decent teachers if there had been the slightest bit of oversight. The simple accountability of having to turn in a weekly lesson plan with some direct feedback to questionable lessons would have turned Trelawney and Hagrid’s classes around. The knowledge that Dumbledore could pop in at any moment for an evaluation would hopefully keep Snape from being such a frequent bully to his students. Binns was probably a lost cause, but I doubt Dumbledore ever even tried to change him… so who knows?

I always hated being lumped together by the principal at staff meetings with blanket statements like ‘We’re slacking on turning in our lesson plans on time.’ Nope! It was like, three slacker teachers that needed to be addressed by admin just like at Hogwarts. Justice for McGonagall! Love y’all! Jen, a.k.a. Muggle McGonagall.”

Andrew and Eric: Wow.

Andrew: Well, thank you for the teacher perspective, Jen.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, I agree with you. I have no notes; I just agree.

Eric: Did you like lesson planning, Laura?

Laura: I actually loved lesson planning. I thought it was a lot of fun, but it is a lot of hard work as well, especially… in the real world, especially when I was a new teacher, you had to submit your lesson plans pretty regularly for evaluation. And yeah, there were also some surprise visits, where people would come and just sit in on your classroom and watch you do your thing and give you feedback afterwards. So yeah, it’s a hard job. It really can be intimidating, some of the bureaucratic movements that happen behind the scenes. But I agree with Jen here that what’s really missing is that administrative support from Dumbledore to hold all of the teachers to the same standard, instead of just saying, “Sink or swim,” which is I feel like what he basically does, because there is such inconsistency. I mean, McGonagall, I feel like she is objectively a great teacher, but then you look at someone like Hagrid, who clearly has the raw potential to do really well with teaching Care of Magical Creatures, but he didn’t have any training, presumably, and that’s on Dumbledore.

Micah: I do like the way, though, that she laid out comparing some of the students to Harry, Ron, and Hermione, and how they would react just based on who they are at the end of each of the semesters. That was definitely cool. I will say, though, I feel like the characters that she allowed for criticism at the top of her email are generally the ones that we criticize; I don’t think we throw a whole lot of shade on Flitwick or McGonagall or Sprout. Snape would be the one Head of House exception. I mean, he’s clearly brilliant, but I just don’t think, as we said in the prior email, he connects well with children, so there’s that.

Andrew: I also think if we’re saying that we only see some snippets of each subject, can we really be sure that these teachers aren’t teaching other things? If we say that, shouldn’t we also be able to say that maybe Dumbledore is helping these teachers out behind the scenes, and we just don’t know?

Micah: No.

Andrew: I know there’s evidence to suggest that maybe they could… they’ve definitely needed more training and aren’t receiving it, but I guess my point just is there’s so much we don’t know. And that’s one of the great things about this podcast, is that we can speculate about what is or isn’t happening behind the scenes, and maybe we can paint some pictures ourselves. But look, I’ve got to back up my boy Albus; I just think he might be working a little more behind the scenes than we actually know.

Eric: So I have a high opinion of Flitwick’s classes, even though I don’t really get a chance to say that on the show. I bet he’s probably one of the coolest teachers at Hogwarts. I bet he would give you all the time that you needed; he would answer any of your questions. He’s clearly passionate about the subject that he teaches. And I love Jen’s idea that he would teach household remedies; I think that would be really, really good. I mean, he prescribes, after all, Cheering Charms, right? During a particularly depressing time of year. So I think there’s some good stuff.

Micah: Our next email comes from Jennifer, who says

“I fell behind during the holidays, so I’m catching up on Episode 685. I love this episode so much! It was so much fun and had really great debates. Please have Rex back again; he fits so well with y’all! I wanted to chime in on the prefect debate: I like Ron, but seriously Dean or Neville should have received prefect over Ron or Harry any day. I do like that Ron finally ‘gets something,’ especially in front of his family, but this role should not be it. Dumbledore giving it to Ron is still him choosing candidates like a popularity contest. I dislike the frequent argument that ‘poor Ron’ is the unknown or unpopular kid… I call shenanigans! He is a Weasley, he is Fred and George’s little brother, and Harry’s best friend. Would he have gained this popularity/notoriety without others? We don’t really know, but it doesn’t matter here. He is not just some unknown. I would bet my last Sickle that more people at Hogwarts could pick him out over someone like Theodore Nott or Lisa Turpin. At this point in the story, Ron has consistently been described as an average or below average student that frequently relies on Hermione to correct (and in some cases, do) his work for him, especially in the first few books. Book Ron is not unintelligent, just lazy, which makes his ‘mediocre student’ status even more frustrating. That, combined with his penchant for breaking the rules with Harry, does not speak to the idea that he would make a strong prefect at this point in the story.

Personally, I think Neville by Hermione’s side would have been better and pushed him to become ‘leader Neville’ so much sooner. If Dumbledore is simply going by ‘needs an ego boost,’ then what better candidate than Neville? He, like Ron, is also frequently described as a ‘mediocre student,’ but he is seen determinedly working to succeed on his own (except Potions, but that’s on Snape). That alone makes him the better candidate for prefect. Year 1-4 Ron is just not the man for the job… not yet.

Love you all and love the show, Jen. PS: The episode where Eric’s point of reference of winning a criminal trial was Air Bud and their reference for ‘shadowy characters’ was Dr. Claw and Giovanni from Pokémon brought me immense joy. Thanks for always speaking my Hufflepuff thoughts.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: You’re welcome, Jen. I take great pleasure when Air Bud references come to me.

Andrew: I like the idea of Neville being the chosen prefect, but I have to say, would the students in Gryffindor House take that seriously?

Eric: I think they’d have to.

Andrew: I’m sorry, Neville. I know. Well, I’m foreseeing some bullying there if Neville got the role, and I don’t think he could handle it.

Laura: I mean, I’m not trying to be mean, but do we think anyone actually takes Ron seriously as a prefect? And I love Ron.

Eric: But fewer people bully him the way they would bully Neville, because he’s Harry’s friend, but that proves Jen’s point, essentially.

Andrew: Yeah, and Harry and Hermione would have Ron’s back. I mean, they’d have Neville’s back, but not to the same extent, I don’t think.

Micah: But Ron doesn’t even really seem like he wants the title of prefect, just by his actions. He wants it, but Hermione is the one that oftentimes has to do…

Andrew: The role? [laughs]

Micah: The legwork, yeah. She’s the one who’s going out there and reprimanding people. He’s too scared, actually.

Eric: And he’s only ever grudgingly doing his prefect duties. I think what I love most about Jen’s email, besides the nice bit at the end, was the idea that Dumbledore… well, let’s make this more passive voice for Andrew’s ego.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: The situation causes a student that was not chosen to be prefect – by whatever powers that be – to be at a loss. We often think about what someone got, but what about the kids who didn’t get to be a prefect? Where did they lose out? So Neville, in this case, the idea that it would have brought his character arc sooner is actually really titillating to me. I like that.

Andrew: This next email is from Abby on teaching styles.

“Hey y’all! I wanted to comment on “I Do, We Do, You Do.” This is a teacher thing in the US. I teach 5th-12th grade band in Ohio, and this is something I do all the time. It falls in the realm of scaffolding, which is just another way of saying a student does something with lots of support, then a little less, then none. For example, I will be teaching a new note to 5th grade. We start with me playing the note, then we do it together, then they play it on their own. I’m not sure what teachers in other countries do, but this is definitely common practice in the US, especially in grade school.”

Okay, good to know.

Eric: I love this!

Andrew: And was this…? We were talking about this in relation to Dumbledore’s Army?

Eric: I think that probably makes a lot of sense, actually.

Laura: Yeah, I think we were also talking about it in terms of what Hagrid could have done to make his Thestral lesson better than what it was.

Micah: Yeah, somebody brought it up and we just didn’t have any idea, right? What it meant. At least, I’m assuming that’s why they wrote in.

Andrew: Oh, really?

Laura: Okay.

Eric: Yeah, so I think that with Hagrid, he could have absolutely taken more leadership with the Thestrals than, “Here they are.” So yeah, I like this a lot. Also, remember when we didn’t know all the music notes, you guys, and could still learn that? I’m getting nostalgic for middle school; I don’t know why.

Laura: Oh God, I can’t think of anywhere I want to be least than my middle school experience.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Next email comes from Helen. Helen is writing about blaming Hermione for Harry’s actions, and she says,

“Hi guys! I just finished listening to your discussion of Order of the Phoenix Chapter 12. As part of the discussion of the interactions between Umbridge, Hermione, and Harry, there was a lot of blame being put on Hermione’s shoulders for what Harry said and did in Umbridge’s class. As a therapist, this was upsetting to me on so many levels. I spend countless hours with clients working to untangle years of self-blame for things that are not their responsibility or out of their control. Then I find myself listening to a discussion blaming Hermione for Harry’s choices. Harry’s words and actions are his responsibility and his alone! I mean, okay, an argument can be made that Voldemort/the Horcrux was directly impacting his brain… but that still does not make it Hermione’s fault.

The bigger picture here is the idea that we are somehow responsible for the actions or emotions of others can be very damaging to an individual, and also, at the extreme end of the spectrum, this is the psychology that traps people in domestic violence (‘It’s my fault he got mad at me’; ‘If I hadn’t done this, he wouldn’t have hit me,’ etc). But as your comments on this show demonstrate, it is definitely an idea that pervades the collective psyche, which is why I spend so much time, with so many people, working to unravel this. The only person responsible for one’s actions, words, and emotions is that person, and no one else. Thanks for listening to my soapbox. That discussion just hit a big nerve with me. Helen.”

Laura: Helen, thank you for sending that in. I agree with you.

Eric: Yeah, sometimes we get it wrong, and sorry to have hit your nerve. I think everything you said makes a lot of sense.

Micah: I do, but I also think it’s important to remember that our actions can also have consequences for other people, and you could make the case for that in this particular instance by Hermione doing what she did. I’m not saying that she’s fully responsible for Harry’s actions, but it does lead him in the direction of eventually responding in the way that he does to Umbridge.

Eric: One thing I’ll say about the latest discussions as we go through Chapter by Chapter is that we’re trying to take the same chapter that we’ve already discussed in 2020 and spin it with a closer focus on a certain character that we certainly wouldn’t have delved into as much before. I think I was in charge of this Hermione discussion in the ‘Professor Umbridge’ chapter, so I want to take responsibility if that discussion was unnerving. I know we wanted to take a more Hermione-focused approach to that chapter in general, so I can easily see how that would have actually sounded like we were blaming Hermione for Harry’s and others’ actions in the chapter, but that was only by the… it was unintentional, and it was based on the formula of the chapter creation, but that’s on me as well.

Andrew: All right, final email, from She Who Shall Not Be Named. This is a Chicken Soup for the MuggleCast Soul.

“Hi, MuggleCast. Your podcast has created a surreal and fantastical period of my life. I am no Muggle, but a former witch of Universal’s Wizarding World. They mandated I go undercover after leaving, of course. This job is as fun as you’d imagine, but it would have eventually become mundane had you four not kept me within the world of magic mentally. I listened as I filled Ollivander’s wand shelves for the night, dusted odd things in Hogwarts, and sat on the empty Hogsmeade street, watching the castle lights and listening to frog choir rehearsals. Your episodes made all of those moments feel other-worldly. They also helped me keep up with the 6-year-olds who knew the names of the Peverell brothers. Can’t thank you enough for your ramblings. Reach out for park tips anytime. She Who Shall Not Be Named.”

Laura: Aww.

Andrew: So if I’m reading between the lines here, she would work at the Wizarding World theme park while listening to MuggleCast?

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Eric: Love that.

Andrew: That’s pretty cool.

Eric: And just the idea that we regularly and weekly help people stay connected to the wizarding world is very nice to hear.

Andrew: Yeah, keeping up with the 6-year-olds who knew the names of the Peverell brothers. That’s funny. [laughs]

“P.S. Things I’ve learned from my time as a student: Hufflepuffs are the best overall (I was so wrong about them as a kid); Slytherins are the coolest by far (Those kids? 10/10. I’m suspicious of their confidence, but I also want one as a life coach); Ravenclaws are either warm, kind, deep thinkers, or blunt and bitchy; and Gryffindors come off as generic, it’s true. Random-ass personalities. Doesn’t matter, ‘cause we’ll still sweep y’all in Quidditch. Signed, a Gryffindor.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: So wait, this person is judging the Hogwarts Houses based off of the tourists coming through the Wizarding World land? That’s not fair. There’s a lot of fake fans that go through the theme park.

Micah: The turnstile?

Andrew: Yeah. I think that’s very funny, but also, I think it’s a little unfair. [laughs]


Lynx Line


Andrew: All right, Micah, we have a Lynx Line today, right?

Micah: Yeah, we asked our patrons over on Patreon.com/MuggleCast: How would we celebrate 700 episodes in the wizarding world?

Andrew: Uh-oh.

Micah: And I have to say, the biggest thrill I saw here was the Hog’s Head. [laughs]

Andrew: Of course!

Eric: Classic.

Andrew: That’s where I always want to go.

Eric: They know us very well.

Andrew: Rachel said,

“Begin at Hogwarts for live MuggleCast from the Great Hall, followed by getting their portraits done in the Room of Requirement because it’ll have all the art supplies. Then it’s all aboard the Knight Bus to travel around to place their portraits. Micah’s will go in the Hog’s Head, Laura’s will go in the Department of Mysteries because she was so sure the trio would revisit it in Deathly Hallows…”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: They should’ve.

“… Eric will put theirs on the Hogwarts Express, and Andrew would have tried to put his next to Dumbledore’s but settled for Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes instead. End the day with a magnificent magical fireworks display over the lake.”

Eric: Michael says, “If Micah isn’t visiting Aberforth at the Hog’s Head, something suspicious is going on.”

Micah: Zachary says,

“I can see the day starting off with a bonus MuggleCast recording at Flourish and Blotts followed by a trip to the Leaky Cauldron. Then around lunchtime, a Floo Powder trip to the Three Broomsticks for lunch and a butterbeer. After lunch, I can see y’all going on a tour of Hogwarts, maybe try a game of Quidditch, and then a special recording of MuggleCast in the same iteration of the Room of Requirement that Potterwatch aired. To finish the night, you all end up at the Hog’s Head where Aberforth and Micah get lost in conversation about goats, Andrew and Eric kill time by cracking jokes of the adult nature, while Laura sips her drink while laughing and rolling her eyes at the nature of the conversation.”

Laura: Yeah, you get it. Leah says,

“7 is the most powerful magical number in this series, so I’d have to say something like a pickup game of Quidditch with all four hosts and their three partners playing to make a team of seven, versus Snape, Neville, Newt, Luna (their first date choices) + Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Who’s playing which position? I’d love to hear the hosts duke it out if they read this one!”

Laura: Honestly, I would want to be a Beater.

Andrew: Oh, good. I want to be Seeker.

Laura: I’ve just got to get that frustration out, you know?

Eric: Yeah, Chaser sounds fun, especially if our partners are allowed to play. We could both pass the Quaffle to one another.

Micah: Keeper.

Andrew: Keeper? Okay.

Eric: Ooh, Micah wants the stressful job.

Andrew: Ashley says,

“Clearly it would begin in the Hog’s Head with a few pints. Perhaps Micah in particular is also several shots of Firewhisky deep.”

Yeah, he is.

“Andrew and Eric are firing off some Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes fireworks in each others’ general direction.”

[Eric laughs]

“Laura shakes her head, muttering to the witch at the corner table how nonsensical and frankly hazardous this practice is.”

Andrew: Oh, whatever, Laura!

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: We’re going to have some fun.

“Though she is secretly enjoying the chaos.”

I should have read that sentence first.

Laura: Yeah, that is actually pretty on brand. Go on.

Andrew: “A local Hogsmeade band takes the floor and begins to play a ballad about a particularly daft troll and a lovesick wizard. Suddenly we look over and realize that Micah is now slow dancing with a goat and commenting about the intoxicating odor of its hooves. A grand time is had by all.”

Micah, is this really the label you want on yourself? You caused this, all these goat jokes.

Micah: If you go back and look at the transcripts, I’m not entirely sure that I started this, but we can check on that for next week’s episode.

Laura: Oh.

Andrew: Sure. This is the path you have chosen, Micah. You have chosen…

Laura: [laughs] The path of goat.

Micah: Nicole says, “Room of Requirement. Unlimited booze.”

Andrew: Ooh, best answer.

Laura: Hell yeah. And Jen, bringing us home here, says,

“Shots, shots, shots! Starting with breakfast in the Great Hall, leading to a day of Apparition to all the hot spots – Department of Mysteries, Diagon Alley, the Burrow, catch a quick Quidditch game, and maybe take in the sights at Tom Riddle’s cave (just make sure only to drink the shots you brought with you there!), followed by a trip on the Hogwarts Express with a dinner provided by the trolley witch, and end with a bigass party in the Hog’s Head with the fabulous Chloe & Pam and all of us!”

Oh my God, I love this. Cute.

Andrew: Thanks, everybody, who participated. Special thank you, again, to our patrons. Again, you are the reason we have reached 700 episodes. We launched the Patreon with the goal of doing more episodes of MuggleCast, and you all really came out to help us, and we can’t thank you enough. And even if you don’t support us on Patreon, we’re very grateful for your listenership, whether you joined us just this episode, or you’ve listened to all 700 episodes, or anywhere in between. Thank you so much for your support.


Quizzitch


Andrew: Now it’s time for Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: This week’s question: Capable of reaching a length of roughly 19 feet and weighing around 28 pounds, what is the largest known venomous snake species in the world? The correct answer was a king cobra! And that’s the most venomous snake species. There are larger snakes, but they’re not venomous. They’re constrictors! Like anaconda and others.

Micah: They’ll just eat you.

Eric: Correct answers were submitted by A Healthy Breeze; Buff Daddy; Correct Harry Potter answer: Basilisk; Grawp Tuah…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: … Lupinslady; Mary Popp-lock-and-drop-ins; Micah’s Voice Makes My Butterbeer Extra Frothy; Muggle McGonagall… hey, we heard from her! Patronus Seeker; Siriusly the Best; Sneaky Snek; Thaaaaaanks Amigo; The Milk for Nagini; These questions are strange lately, this is my first time, am I doing it right?; and Tofu Tom. Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: What is the nearest prime number to 700? The number 700. If you’d like to submit for next week’s Quizzitch question, any of you math nuts out there – or anyone with Google handy – submit it on the Quizzitch form on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: Don’t forget that to celebrate 700 episodes, the remaining inventory of our MuggleCast “19 Years Later” T-shirts are now available in the overstock store. There will be a link in the show notes, but just go to MuggleMillennial.etsy.com to pick up one of these shirts. It’s a great way to celebrate 700 episodes and help support the show. Also, if you love the show and want to help us out in other ways besides Patreon, we have MuggleCast Gold on Apple Podcasts. We have the MuggleCast merch store, not to be confused with the overstock store; that’s MuggleCastMerch.com. We’d also appreciate if you left a review of the show in your favorite podcast app. Make sure you follow us in your favorite podcast app, and if you have any other Harry Potter friends in your life, and you think they could use some more Harry Potter fun in their lives, tell that friend about the show. Cheers, y’all, to 700 episodes. Here’s to the next 700, where we’ll be discussing the rebooted reboot of the Harry Potter TV show… in animated form.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: But next week we’re going to St Mungo’s.

Andrew: Yes, Chapter by Chapter will resume next week. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: For the 700th time, I guess, we’ll see you next time. Bye, everyone.

Eric: Aww.

Laura: Bye, y’all.