Transcript #626

 

MuggleCast 626 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #626, Snape’s Best Memory (POA Chapter 21, Hermione’s Secret)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: This week, be sure to not be seen by anyone, especially yourself.

Eric: It’s against the law.

Andrew: We’re discussing Chapter 21 of Prisoner of Azkaban, the penultimate – I love that word…

Eric: It’s a good word.

Andrew: … chapter in Prisoner of Azkaban. Before we get to that, a couple of announcements. Don’t forget, there’s still time to pledge to our Patreon and join the MuggleCast Collector’s Club. Last year we introduced the MuggleCast Collector’s Club, in which each year between now and 2026 we’re sending five exclusive stickers that celebrate the show’s past and present. We’re also giving you the Collector’s Club card, on which you can place the stickers. It’s a beautiful backing card showing MuggleCast listeners heading into Hogwarts. Good time of year to talk about that, since we just celebrated back to Hogwarts season.

Micah: Choo-choo.

Laura: Year two’s stickers depict our old Chicken Soup for the MuggleCast Soul segment; A classic iPod with MuggleCast playing on it; Hogwarts on fire, which pays homage to our classic security nightmare correlations that we frequently draw on the show; we have a sticker that honors Jamie’s old British Joke of the Week segment; plus, we have tier-based exclusives, either a Dumbledore’s Army or Slug Club sticker. And I have to say, the Slug Club sticker is super cute because it has literal slugs clinking glasses, as slugs are known to do in a club.

Andrew: [laughs] Sure, yes. That’s canon now. So you can pledge at the $5 or $10 level by September 22, and you have to fill out the form on Patreon to receive this year’s stickers and the club card. This is just one of many benefits you receive, so do pledge now, and thanks everybody who supports us. Speaking of support, maybe you can’t support us financially. That’s okay. We would love a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify because it helps introduce new listeners to the show. Here’s a recent review we received from Anika on Apple Podcasts in Australia.

Eric: It’s a five star review. They say, [reads in an Australian accent]

“I first discovered MuggleCast…”

[drops accent] I can’t do an Australia accent.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Oh my God. Well, you did live in Australia or New Zealand for a little time.

Eric: I did, I did, yeah. I think I got it. [reads in an Australian accent]

“I first discovered MuggleCast back in the long, long ago, before the Potter series was…”

[laughs] I can’t do it, I’m sorry. [drops accent]

“… before the Potter series was complete, and I was hungry for speculation, analysis, and community around my favorite series. I am now 31 and have rediscovered the show this year, and listening to each episode feels like coming home. Thanks for keeping the series going and for bringing new and insightful discussion to the table after all this time.”

Andrew: That’s really nice. Thank you so much.

Laura: Aww, that’s so sweet.

Andrew: Hopefully you don’t give us a negative review now if you didn’t like Eric’s accent…

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: … but I feel like it was good enough.

Eric: It was bursting through.

Micah: No, only one review is allowed.

Eric: Oh, that’s right.

Andrew: Oh, that’s true. Yeah, we’re safe.

Micah: I do like hearing listeners who are coming back to the show after so much time. It is very cool to hear that people listened to us back in the day and now that they’re a little bit older, they’re finding us again and it feels like coming home.

Andrew: Yeah, and I think part of it for people is they just kind of assume we don’t exist anymore, which would be understandable when you’ve been around for so long.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: 18 years!

Andrew: “No way that podcast is still around.” And thanks to everybody who leaves a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and anywhere else, but mainly Apple Podcasts and Spotify have a review function. That’s why we focus on those two. But if your app has a review function, please do drop a review, we would appreciate it.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: And now it’s time for Chapter by Chapter. This week we’re discussing Chapter 21 of Prisoner of Azkaban, “Hermione’s Secret,” and we’ll start as always with our seven-word summary.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Andrew: Hermione…

Laura: … saves…

Eric: … Buckbeak…

Micah: … with…

Andrew: … a…

Laura: … Time…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Quick, don’t let it run out.

Eric: … Turner!

[Seven-Word Summary music ends]

Andrew: Turner! I was hoping it was going to go towards like, “with a shiny thing,” or I don’t know. [laughs]

Laura: “With a shiny thing.” Not me sitting here panicking in the moment thinking, “Is Time-Turner one word or two?”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: For the purposes of this seven-word summary.

Eric: It’s hyphenated.

Micah: It’s hyphenated, isn’t it?

Laura: Yeah, because we’re Americans. We hyphenate these things, right?

Eric: Yay.

Laura: [laughs] So it counts.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Micah: Yeah, so this is the chapter where I noted both a lot and not a lot happen at the same time. And if we’re to expand a little bit on the seven-word summary, basically what happens in this chapter is Hermione reveals she has a Time-Turner and she and Harry go back in time about three hours to “fix” everything that happened in the last several chapters. And that’s it.

Andrew: Well, thanks, everybody for listening. I’m Andrew.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: We should do five-minute mini MuggleCasts. Like, mini mini MuggleCasts. Mini C-by-C.

Laura: That’d be funny.

Micah: But the way I wanted to take a look at this chapter is through two different lenses, right? The first is Snape and his behavior at the beginning of the chapter, and then the second is talking about something I think Laura will enjoy very much, the morality of Time-Turning magic.

Laura: Ooh, yes.

Micah: And how it played a role in this book but kind of disappeared afterwards, and was not a convenient plot device until Cursed Child came along. So first discussion, I titled “Somebody call the wambulance for Snivellus.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: What is the “wambulance?”

Micah: It’s like the ambulance but for somebody who’s just complaining a lot.

Andrew: Yeah, it’s when you’re going “Wahhh.”

Eric: Oh my God, that’s amazing.

Micah: Snape is having a very productive therapy session with the Minister, but he’s embellishing a little bit in what he is telling him. And I thought we could start out… since we often give Dumbledore a hard time for all of the lies that he tells throughout the course of the Harry Potter series, why not talk about the lies that another character tells?

Andrew: The lies of Severus.

Micah: And Snape actually throws out quite a few in just a very short period of time. He’s telling Fudge that Black had bewitched them, talking about Harry, Ron and Hermione, “I saw it immediately. A Confundus Charm, to judge by their behavior.” We know that to not be true. And we would think, right, Snape is definitely smart enough to know when a Confundus Charm has been used. He’s covering here, is that fair to say?

Eric: Yes. It would not be advisable for him to say that his temper got the better of him and he was going to… basically, that Snape went in there and all he did was escalate, and that’s not going to be on his official report to Fudge.

Micah: The second lie, he says that “They seemed to think there was the possibility he -” Sirius ” – was innocent.” No, they 100% believed him to be innocent. The third lie, “They weren’t responsible for their actions.” No, they were definitely responsible for those actions.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: That’s a point where he is letting one thing slide in order to completely bury them under. Like, “Oh, they didn’t know what they were doing.” But he completely discredits everything that they all say as a result of that, so he’s getting something out of being able to say they weren’t responsible.

Micah: Yeah. And we could talk about this a little bit later on, but I think he’s covering for the fact that he was bested by three 13-year-olds.

Eric: There is that.

Micah: He doesn’t want to make it seem like Harry, Ron, and Hermione could have gotten the better of him. “Of course they were Confunded; there’s no way they could have known what they were doing, Minister.”

Eric: Right, and the way in which he says, “As a matter of fact, it was the children,” and Fudge is like, “No! What?”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: If we’ve seen Snape’s worse memory, this is Snape’s best memory with these children here.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: And the way that he’s conveying…

Andrew: We’ve got a lot of good episode title potential options already.

Laura: I know.

Andrew: “Somebody call the wambulance.” What did Eric just say? Snape’s best memory?

Eric: Snape’s best memory.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Fudge is like, “Oh, Order of Merlin, second class – first class if I can wrangle it!” Like, come on, dude, this is all a cock and bull.

Micah: This next one is debatable but you could fit it into the lie category. He says, “On the other hand, their interference might have permitted Black to escape.” I think that was their intention. Maybe not to escape, but certainly for the truth to come out.

Andrew: And that’s literally what ends up happening. [laughs]

Micah: And the final lie, “They obviously thought they were going to catch Black single-handed.”

Eric: I hate that. That stinks of…

Micah: That’s not why they went after Black in the first place. It was because Ron was injured.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: So Snape has already been through so much with the trio, Harry in particular. Let’s even just set aside the whole Lily angle of it all. He keeps seeing Harry get away with things; he doesn’t like the preferential treatment he gets from Dumbledore. Part of me can see why Snape is frustrated. However, I don’t like all of the lying. And speaking of the preferential treatment, Fudge admits to Snape they’ve all got a “blind spot” when it comes to Harry. They give him a little more leniency because of his background. But I do wonder, what specifically earns that leniency? Because in Snape’s defense, and I still…

Micah: He’s Harry effin’ Potter.

Andrew: Another episode title.

Eric: If it weren’t for Harry, Voldemort would still be reigning and everyone would be subjugated and dead.

Andrew: But where is the line? Because he shouldn’t be able to get away with attacking a teacher. [laughs]

Eric: Well, yeah, that’s the thing. Well, he was Confunded. [laughs]

Laura: I mean, he’s also basically the Messiah character of this book, so of course everybody is treating him like he’s special until they decide that he’s actually a traitor. But that’s a couple books from now.

Eric: Well, now that you mention that, this definitely leads into that. This is the first time I think somebody has taken this tone with Fudge about Harry. Fudge doesn’t know how to handle these accusations that Harry is given special treatment by Dumbledore; that plays into Fudge’s own insecurities about Dumbledore. So I really think that this conversation between Snape and Fudge really sets the scene, not just thematically, but directly leads into Fudge’s thought patterns and influences, the way Fudge treats Harry and Dumbledore in the later books.

Laura: Yeah, I think so. Fudge is someone who blows with the prevailing wind, to be honest with you, so yeah, I think this definitely sets the stage. What were you going to say, Micah?

Micah: Could you say that Snape is taking umbrage with Harry’s actions?

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: All right, another episode title: “Snape takes umbrage.”

Andrew: [laughs] People are going to be like, “Wait, what? What book are you guys talking about?”

Micah: That could be a fan fic, too.

Laura: Yeah, I was about to say, I don’t know if we want to make that the episode title.

Eric: Welcome to Wednesday night.

Micah: Yep. No, but I think that’s a really great point that gets raised, though, because of the threads that you can connect to Order of the Phoenix. We see Fudge here being very protective of Harry, but actually, once we get to Order of the Phoenix, it’s very much the opposite of that.

Eric: And let’s be clear, I think Snape really has done well to gloss completely over his own culpability. I think on the one hand, he really did miss every mention of Peter Pettigrew. By the time he got down to the Shrieking Shack, the children were saying that Sirius was innocent or that he needed to be heard out. And Snape, due to his own bias, wasn’t hearing it. But he’s got to own that because Snape is actually calling for Sirius to be deprived of his soul, and so it doesn’t matter, the ignorance. It’s cool that Snape particularly didn’t hear that Peter was still alive at this point, but it doesn’t matter so much because he’s really calling for Black’s death – or worse than – with no real evidence and with a few people saying, “That’s not what happened.”

Micah: Yeah, I agree. He’s very much, as you say, glossing over his own responsibility in much of what has happened already this evening. But it doesn’t stop there; it is officially time… if that wasn’t enough, now you can hear the wambulance getting closer and closer to the infirmary inside of Hogwarts. And Snape goes on to say that “They’ve gotten away with a great deal before now. I’m afraid it’s given them rather high opinions of themselves… and of course, Potter has always been allowed an extraordinary amount of license by the headmaster.” And this is really one of the first times we see Dumbledore being called into question by one of the professors. I don’t know that we’ve seen it happen prior to this. Certainly there’s other characters that have called in his ability to be headmaster into question, but certainly not one of the professors.

Eric: And Snape would not do this if he wasn’t feeling 100% on top of the world right now, right? Because Snape owes Dumbledore a whole heckin’ lot for the life that he currently has. Snape was a Death Eater; Snape would be in Azkaban at the cell right next to Sirius if they knew about betraying the Potters and that kind of thing. So in general, anything less than Snape’s best time of his life right now, and Snape wouldn’t be playing this card. But Snape is driving a wedge between Fudge and Dumbledore for his own personal gain. And that’s the kind of guy he is.

Laura: It’s also interesting, too, thinking about the fact that we know Snape throughout the entire series is sworn to protect Harry, and I wonder how exactly he’s doing that in this scene. I think by giving Fudge the narrative that they were Confunded and they weren’t responsible for their actions, he’s preventing them from being expelled, I suppose. Harry being expelled from Hogwarts is basically like putting a target on his back. It would only be a matter of time, at that point, so maybe that’s what he’s angling for. But in doing all of this, he is again trying to shift the blame for the Potters’ death onto the person who he believes to have betrayed them, even though he played a pretty big role in betraying them himself.

Micah: He just didn’t know it.

Eric: Nobody hates Snape more than Snape himself.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Aww.

Micah: Well, just while we’re on the topic of the Marauders, what do we think about him in this particular moment, drawing on his feelings towards James and Sirius? Because I think he sees, as we’ve read in the books, a lot of James in Harry, and I think there’s a lot of emotions that are coming up in this moment where he’s seeing the opportunity to take out a lot of what he wanted to take out on James on Harry.

Eric: Absolutely. This is top of mind. He even brings it up when Dumbledore enters. The event that happened so many years ago is still absolutely fresh and he is seething. He wants revenge for what has occurred. Snape is not one to forgive and forget; this man can hold a grudge.

Micah: He also goes on to say that he tries to treat Harry like any other student, which we know is just complete nonsense.

Eric: [laughs] This is a lie. This is Snape’s next lie. Are we still counting those?

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Might as well. This would be number six. So he’s already closing in on Dumbledore, and this is only one chapter.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: Oh man, that’s rough.

Andrew: See, and you thought Dumbledore is bad? Look how fast Snape lays them all down.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: That’s funny.

Micah: That’s why he must be so good with Voldemort.

Eric: That’s right.

Laura: Something that I will say in Dumbledore’s defense here is I don’t think Dumbledore would say something like this. I don’t think that he would claim to treat Harry like he treats any other student. I think Dumbledore absolutely knows and owns that he plays favorites with Harry and with Gryffindor, so it’s an interesting contrast between these two in their treatment of him.

Micah: Definitely. And he goes on to say, “Out of bounds at night, consorting with a werewolf and a murderer, and I have reason to believe he was visiting Hogsmeade illegally.” And to that I say, bro, you should have just stopped at consorting with a murderer. Yeah, you could throw in the werewolf, but by the time you get to Hogsmeade, it’s just like you’re trying to throw a little bit more salt on the wound. It’s like, [in a nasally voice] “Oh, and he was going to Hogsmeade.”

[Andrew laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, who cares?

Micah: Hogsmeade is the least of those offenses on the board.

Eric: Yeah, Fudge is going to be like, “Okay, the werewolf is one thing, but going to Hogsmeade illegally?”

Andrew: Well, I think that’s to the point of just like, look how much he’s scrambling. He’s at the bottom of the barrel here.

Micah: He wants to dump everything out on the table.

Andrew: “And one time he looked at me funny in the hallway!” [fake cries]

Micah: One thing I did want to call attention to, though, is even Fudge is astonished by Snape’s treatment of Hermione. He flat out tells her to shut up in this chapter when she’s trying to explain what happened in the Shrieking Shack, and this goes to our point earlier that I think that Snape is just butthurt that he got bested by three 13-year-olds. The other part of this scene that I thought was pretty cool was this mini Dumbledore/Snape standoff that we have and what it must have felt like for Snape to not be believed, and furthermore, to have Dumbledore send him to quiet time while he talks with Harry and Hermione.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Especially if you think back to the pact that they’ve made. It almost feels like you’re losing the trust of Dumbledore after he says he supposedly trusts you, and you trust each other, and now for Dumbledore to treat you as lesser than the trio… I mean, obviously the other factor here is that the trio are right; Dumbledore does say later in this chapter that he does believe them, he just doesn’t have evidence that can help them. So I can understand where Snape’s frustrations are coming from here, given their history.

Micah: Well, and let’s not forget who the audience is here too. We have Fudge in front of everything that’s going on, and presumably Snape has just really talked poorly about Dumbledore in front of Fudge. So who knows what Dumbledore may or may not have overheard of that conversation?

Eric: Oh there’s that too. Yeah, I mean, Dumbledore still has the ultimate authority here. And that’s very similar to the other ends of other books where Dumbledore shows up and saves the day, and this is the most we get of that in setting in motion the events of telling Hermione to use the Time-Turner, etc., etc. But yeah, not believing Snape is step one… or just shutting Snape down because Snape is going way too far. Dumbledore can clearly see that he’s, at this point, really just motivated by his desire for revenge, and I think that may even help convince Dumbledore of Sirius’s innocence in seeing how much Snape is embellishing here.

Andrew: Oh, yeah, yeah. That’s a good point.

Laura: Oh, that’s a great point.

Andrew: And Snape is also being unfair when he reminds Dumbledore that Sirius tried to kill him as a kid. I mean, people grow up. Really? Do you still really want to hang that over his head?

Eric: And there’s reason to believe he’s been going into Hogsmeade!

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: Right. And he looked at me funny!

Eric: Wambulance.

Andrew: And his breath smells.

Eric: Oh, man.

Laura: Snape is one of those adults who still lives in their high school days, I feel. Not letting go of grudges from things that happened 15-20 years ago, still spending so much time ruminating over people that he hasn’t seen in ages… in this case, one person who’s been dead for 13 years. He won’t let it go.

Eric: It doesn’t help that he’s still at Hogwarts, right? So he’s having to… I think a change of scenery, if Snape had been allowed to leave, allowed to really branch out, see the world, be somewhere else… but he can’t because he owes Dumbledore everything.

Andrew: Yeah, how are you going to move on if you’re still in the room where it happened, so to speak? This is such a huge can of worms that we’re opening up right here, though, too.

Eric: I know.

Andrew: Oh my God. Because you do see that in life, to Eric’s point. People are just like, “You know what, I need to get out of this place or else…” Like, god forbid you lose a loved one. People are like, “I can’t live in the same house as where we spent our lives together.” You can’t move on if you’re still in that same space. Maybe people can, but a lot of people can’t and understandably so. And so that’s a great point.

Eric: Now I’m going to draw the comparison between Snape being stunted and Sirius being stunted by his many years in prison. Neither of them have had the opportunity to really emotionally process and move on from themselves as teenagers. And the whole Sirius Black bouncing Snape’s head on the cave wall shows that Sirius has absolutely not matured either.

Micah: No, definitely not.

Andrew: Do we think Snape actually believes Harry and Hermione in the slightest but he just wants to see Sirius suffer? Because that’s ultimately what he wants, right?

Eric: It’s possible, yeah, I think. He’s so close. He feels so close to justice, and he wanted to be the one to catch him. Actually, I think that’s a line strictly for… made for the movie, is “How I wanted to be the one to catch you.”

Laura: Yeah, that’s right.

Eric: That’s him. That’s him.

Laura: Snape gets tunnel vision. When he decides that he has unearthed the truth of something, he falls into a lot of confirmation bias, right? He sees something that he feels confirms what he believes to be true and then that to him is just further evidence. And to him, the evidence is “Well, Sirius tried to kill me when I was at school, he was terrible to me, he bullied me, so he must be a murderer. He must have killed all those Muggles. He must have been responsible for Lily and James dying.” So he’s seeing what he wants to see, which is funny because Harry does the same damn thing sometimes. When he decides that Snape is the perpetrator of something, when he decides that Draco is the perpetrator of something, Harry falls into the same trap.

Eric: Snape is Harry’s father, confirmed.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: Oh no.

Eric: People are pointing out in the Discord that Snape does in the later books really showcase his powers of mental mind-reading, basically. He’s the guy who teaches Harry Occlumency. He’s an accomplished Legilimens. Not to mention nonverbal spells. Snape, the entire time he’s arguing here, could really be searching their minds to figure out if what he’s saying is true or not if he had any interest at all, but that’s using the later books to inform the scene. I don’t even know if the Unforgivable Curses were invented yet at the time this book was written, because if you think about it, saying Harry and Hermione were Confunded? Yeah, that’s one thing, but if they were Imperiused, then that would add to a list of Sirius’s charges because they’re Unforgivable Curses, so that would be an even better lie. Why aren’t you lying more, Snape? But maybe that didn’t exist.

Micah: I think he’s probably also trying to think on his feet a little bit here as well. But I will say, I do think that Snape is almost minimized in the situation with Dumbledore because the way that he says what he does about what happened when they were 16 years old is almost like a child trying to get an adult to believe in what it is that they’re saying. So going back to what you were talking about earlier, with being so stunted, emotionally not having matured, this really shines through in this moment between the two of them.

Eric: Yeah. There’s a saying I heard at one point that I find is relevant, which is “Shouting demonstrates a complete loss of control. Once you’re shouting, you’ve already lost.”

Micah: He does a bit of that. That’s for sure.

Andrew: [laughs] “Hold your tongue,” or whatever he says in all caps.

Eric: Goodness. Poor Hermione. That puts a kink in what Fudge thinks of Snape, too, watching him treat Hermione like that.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah, that’s a good point. Not a great look. Not a great look in front of the Minister for Magic.

Eric: He does himself a disservice by going for the gold, or shooting for the moon.

Micah: He’s going to get dropped down to that next tier of Order of Merlin as a result.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: Order of Merlin, pissant class.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Micah: Another potential episode title.

Eric: There you go.

Laura: Oh my God.

Micah: Well, just to wrap up this section, Dumbledore talks with Harry and Hermione, and this is when they’re trying… they don’t really have to convince Dumbledore. Dumbledore believes them. But in terms of the ability to convince others of this story, he says, “I have no power to make other men see truth or to overrule the Minister for Magic.” To which I say, except there’s this thing that’s called Veritaserum that you could use in this moment to get the truth out of any number of people that are present. And Eric, you also had a point as well, another device that could be used.

Eric: Yeah, a Pensieve and Veritaserum; these are things that come in Book 4. I was just talking about this, how the Unforgivable Curses, too, may not have been written yet. But these are all… they could have their place in this interrogation. They could have their their place in this sort of execution or what Fudge is… I mean, it could be standard practice to use a Pensieve before…

Micah: And the reason why this all comes to mind is we’re just one book away from this actually playing itself out. It’s literally the same situation but with a different character, where they’re given Veritaserum to spill their beans and then they get the Dementor’s kiss as a result of it. So clearly the author went through with what she wanted to from this book in Goblet of Fire.

Andrew: These are invasive ways to get the truth out, though. I think these are things you should only be using in extreme circumstances. I guess you could argue there’s an important reason to be using one of these here, but it is extreme. Who exactly are we giving Veritaserum to?

Micah: Sirius.

Laura: I mean, it is life and death, effectively, right? How much more serious can you get?

Andrew: Yeah, I know, but he was just in Azkaban and now you’re going to force the truth out of him? I guess he’d be up for it just to make his point, but I don’t know. It’s still… because then if you go down this rabbit hole, what if Snape is standing right there too and throws a question at him as well? It’s very risky. I’m playing devil’s advocate just for fun, but…

Eric: Well, you’re doing a good job. I would say, like Dumbledore sums it up by saying “There’s no evidence. I believe Sirius, but there’s no evidence.” And it’s like, what are you going to do?

Andrew: Right. And Dumbledore actually does bring up a point right before this line about “I have no power to make other men see truth.” Dumbledore said that Sirius had not acted like an innocent man. Some of the cards are stacked against him; he attacked the Fat Lady and he entered Gryffindor tower with a knife. Not a good look when you’re trying to make your case. I know he’s been in Azkaban, so I’m sure that’s a factor. We’ve talked about that throughout the course of this Chapter by Chapter series thus far; that probably did a number on him. But still.

Micah: One thing that also came to mind, too, when Dumbledore had that line, is now that we’ve gotten a chance to at least get a peek inside to the world of Fantastic Beasts and meet Grindelwald, it gave me very much Grindelwald vibes when he says “I have no power to make other men see truth.” I’m wondering if he’s drawing on his past experiences here.

Eric: Ohh. Like, “I regret that I can’t fix everything.”

Laura: That’s an interesting reading.

Micah: So the next discussion is on the morality of Time-Turning magic. Time-Turners clearly play a huge role in this chapter, and then disappear forever minus the Hall of Prophecy in Order of the Phoenix. And I thought it could be fun just to read a little bit from WizardingWorld.com about Time-Turners and I thought we could take turns. I’m happy to go first. Got a nice short paragraph. “According to Professor Saul Croaker, who has spent his entire career in the Department of Mysteries studying Time-Turning magic, this is what he has to say about Time-Turners.

Andrew: “As our investigations currently stand, the longest period that may be relived without the possibility of serious harm to the traveler or to time itself is around five hours. We have been able to encase single Hour-Reversal Charms, which are unstable and benefit from containment in small enchanted hour glasses that may be worn around a witch or wizard’s neck and revolved according to the number of hours the user wishes to relive.”

Eric: “All attempts to travel back further than a few hours have resulted in catastrophic harm to the witch or wizard involved. It was not realized for many years why time travelers over great distances never survived their journeys. All such experiments have been abandoned since 1899, when Eloise Mintumble became trapped for a period of five days in the year 1402.”

Laura: “Now we understand that her body had aged five centuries in its return to the present, and irreparably damaged, she died in St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries shortly after we managed to retrieve her. What is more, her five days in the distant past caused great disturbance to the life paths of all those she met, changing the course of their lives so dramatically that no fewer than 25 of their descendants vanished in the present, having been unborn.”

Andrew: [laughs] Great.

Micah: And it gets even worse from from here. I couldn’t… you know. This is a family show. So to include what else was on WizardingWorld.com is just…

Eric: Oh, yikes.

Andrew: What?

Eric: All right, nobody go to WizardingWorld.com.

Micah: But basically, what this all says is that time travel is extremely, extremely dangerous, and it can cause irreparable harm to present day and the future. Is that fair to say?

Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: Yes, to say the least.

Eric: If used as directed, I’m not convinced that it can. So if you just go back five hours, right, you can’t unborn someone. You don’t know about anyone that you unborn if you’re only going back five hours.

Laura: I don’t know. I mean, can you account for every possible scenario in which someone within a certain radius of where you are is conceiving a child at that moment?

Eric: Eh, they’ll go for another one.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: But it would be a different child!

Eric: They don’t know any different! They don’t know because they’re not from the future.

Micah: This could be a whole other episode. We could dive deep…

Eric: Yeah. Okay, okay. Is time travel moral? Well, look at what it does. Look at how it’s used in this book. Sirius Black is going to be wrongfully terminated, Buckbeak is going to be wrongfully terminated, and in this chapter they are both set free. Because they tried to be nice, they tried to do it legally, they tried to convince everybody Buckbeak shouldn’t be dead, and he’s still sentenced to death. And they try to convince everyone of Sirius’s innocence, and it doesn’t work. So they provided justice where there was tremendous injustice. I can’t think of anything more moral than using the Time-Turner.

Andrew: And Dumbledore did give them permission to do so. In fact, he…

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Yeah. It is Dumbledore fault.

Andrew: Yeah. Does that make you feel better if you just blame Dumbledore?

Eric: Yeah.

Micah: You mean God?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: So here’s the thing, though: I feel like in the grand scheme of the universe, the circumstances in this particular time loop were pretty small on the cosmic scale, right? This was very much told in a self-contained way. I feel like that, combined with this description we just read, really substantiates what we’ve been talking about for I think 100 episodes now, which is that there is only one timeline. In the wizarding world, you don’t have branching timelines. So the fact that you have people who are just unborn, who never exist, and it doesn’t just create a new timeline where they don’t exist… it’s just in the singular timeline. They are no more. That’s really messy, as we’ve talked about in prior episodes, because the logic becomes really difficult to keep up with if you are to use this as a plot device moving forward, which is why I think the author chose not to until she and some playwrights decided to use it again.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: Right.

Micah: What’s interesting there is I do think there’s a distinction between the Time-Turner that Hermione uses and the Time-Turners that are used in Curse Child, because they allow for much more time time travel to happen.

Andrew: But weren’t we wondering back in 2016? Like, “Wait, I thought Time-Turners only go back a few hours? It’s not canon for them to go back years.”

Eric: Well, I’m pretty sure that Albus Severus and Scorpius suffer some trauma. Don’t they collapse after traveling back 20 years both times? Or after coming back to the future?

Micah: Yeah, I mean, let’s not forget they go all the way back to the night that Voldemort killed the Potters.

Eric: Oh, that’s right. Yeah.

Micah: That’s pretty far back.

Eric: Well, you know, it would sell tickets. That’s why they did it.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, it’s great on stage.

Andrew: Exactly. I mean, but you do have to wonder, whose idea was that? Was that actually Rowling’s, or…? I can’t remember the behind-the-scenes info at this point. But didn’t the producers, the writers, come to her first with the pitch and…?

Eric: I think that’s right.

Andrew: I can’t see J.K. Rowling being like, “You know what? It’s time to bring Time-Turners back. It’s been a while; let’s do it.” It was probably their idea, in her defense.

Eric: She was probably like, “No,” and they were probably like, “But people love Time-Turners!” And she was like, “All right.” That’s how I imagine that conversation having gone. Yeah, I don’t know. With the Time-Turner, the whole situation even despite its flaws, I’m so glad it exists because this chapter is one of my favorite chapters of the entire series. It’s a wild ride. Harry is like, “This is the craziest thing we’ve done,” and then you see it. And the thing that I find most important about this chapter is there are still rules, right? So you can’t interact with yourself. And partly because it’s been abused before, there are these rules that Hermione is just casually doling out as the chapter goes on. Harry wants to take the cloak from Snape so that Snape can’t use it to sneak down into the Shrieking Shack, and Hermione is like, “No, you can’t do that.” And so it hurts because at the end of the day, even though they are able to save Buckbeak and Sirius, they aren’t able to right all of the wrongs, right? Pettigrew still gets away, Snape still gets his moment of glory, and it becomes very precarious. So I think this question about the Time-Turners being moral or not, I think it’s even more moral or made more moral by the fact that it’s not a solve-all. There are still consequences. There are still areas in which two people using this will fall short in getting everything they ever wanted. There are unexpected consequences, and so I would argue that the the Time-Turner is value neutral almost.

Micah: But why not use that opportunity to stop Pettigrew? Why is freeing Sirius the moment that they’re allowed to actually alter? Why is that okay?

Eric: That’s a good question.

Micah: But not intervening in what happens when Pettigrew inevitably escapes?

Eric: Because Voldemort needs to come back and because Harry needs him to pay off his life debt.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, it’s probably just as simple as that. [Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, not even from a plot standpoint, but the overall… the stars indicated that Voldemort would come back, so let’s blame it on the centaurs’ way of divining the future.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, I think there are a million different questions that can come out of this particular type of discussion, and maybe we do another episode focused on Time-Turning specifically. But I did want to ask, why entrust a 13-year-old with something as, I’m going to say, dangerous as a Time-Turner? We see that Hermione gets exhausted at one point in this book; I’m sure it happens a lot throughout the course of her third year with all the classes that she’s taking. But what if she accidentally fell asleep when she went back in time? Then she would be probably just as well off as Eloise Mintumble or anybody else who screws with time.

Andrew: So giving it to any child at Hogwarts is a bad decision. I’ll just say that upfront. But if you’re going to give it to any child at Hogwarts, it might as well be Hermione.

Micah: Yeah, I guess.

Andrew: She’s trustworthy. She’s well read. She knows what she’s doing. She can navigate difficult situations, as Dumbledore and McGonagall have already seen in her time at Hogwarts so far. Maybe they’ve got other reasons. Maybe there’s another Time-Turner story about a student at Hogwarts. Do we know for sure she’s the first student to have one at Hogwarts, come to think of it? I mean, maybe there have been experiences before where another student has had a Time-Turner. There must have been other Hermiones at Hogwarts prior to Hermione, and by that I mean students who just want to educate themselves in as many courses as possible.

Laura: I don’t know. I mean, we know it was hard to get, right? McGonagall had to write a whole bunch of letters to the Ministry to get this for Hermione, and presumably that all got started in Chamber of Secrets when Hermione signed up for everything. We do get that in Chamber of Secrets when she notes that she had signed up for all of the classes. So presumably, this was something that took some doing on McGonagall’s part, and she probably had to kind of lead a months long persuasion campaign to make it happen.

Micah: I did want to ask that question: What do we think McGonagall had to do? Did she have to lay her career on the line here?

Eric: I mean, this is one of those things where it immediately falls apart under scrutiny. Because, you know, 13, and for all the points we’re making. Maybe she just thinks it’s really important that Hermione gets a Runes education.

Andrew: But it can’t be that, right? [laughs]

Eric: No, Runes are really important!

Andrew: No, no, but I just… okay, Runes, fine. But does she really need every class that she can possibly take with the assistance of a Time-Turner? No, she’s got seven years at Hogwarts.

Eric: Maybe this was a trial run, like Hermione would have been the first and then if it worked, more students could have been able to learn more.

Andrew: [laughs] Can you imagine?

Eric: Oh God. Yeah, multiple versions of every kid in the Great Hall.

Andrew: More Time-Turners.

Eric: But no, Hallow Wolf in the Discord has a good point, which is going back to Hermione’s full class schedule that she was exhausted from. Hallow Wolf says, “Percy had more OWLs than Hermione,” so it seems like he wouldn’t be able to do that without a Time-Turner. So yeah, again, it goes back to scheduling.

Micah: This raises the question, though, are there other means by which Hermione could have taken these classes? Could she have spent the evenings or the weekends in private tutorial sessions with professors? I’m sure there’s other options that could have been put on the table…

Andrew: Summer school.

Micah: … where they don’t need to risk giving her a Time-Turner in order for her to meet her class obligations. It seems like a huge risk on the part of Dumbledore and McGonagall.

Eric: I agree.

Micah: Because what if it ended up in the wrong hands?

Eric: Yeah, I mean, you could easily see Draco being like, “What’s that necklace, Granger?” and messing with it.

Andrew: [laughs] “Nice necklace, Granger.”

Laura: Right? Because there’s no magic preventing the Time-Turner from being used by someone else; Harry gets to use it in this chapter. So if in one of her stupors, where she’s passed out somewhere…

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: Hermione is always in a stupor.

Laura: … somebody had come up to her and taken the Time-Turner… I mean, they take the Time-Turner, she wakes up, and she suddenly has no way to move around in time. She’s stuck, and then somebody else is off playing with the Time-Turner. It makes me wonder if this Time-Turner was like, baby’s first Time-Turner. You know what I mean?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Like a Fisher Price-ified Time-Turner, not as intense as the real thing.

Micah: Not like, Noble Collection Time-Turner?

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Well, based on the writeup, Time-Turners really only are Hour Reversal Charms encased in an hourglass sort of thing.

Micah: Unless you’re in Cursed Child.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Right. So presumably, you could get a wand, and you could perform an Hour Reversal Charm and go back in time using just your wand, but only an hour.

Laura: And those are apparently really unstable spells, which is why they encase them in the Time-Turners. So it’s probably even more dangerous to do it that way.

Eric: Right, so it’s not that Hermione’s is like a Fisher Price, or less than, that there’s more powerful ones out there. It’s just a very imprecise and dangerous magic period.

Micah: I think that’s fair to say. Now, Dumbledore is playing a bit of God in this situation, as he does through most of the Harry Potter series, let’s be real. But the reason why I say that is he is essentially rewriting history in this moment, and I want to know, what gives him the authority to do that? And how fair is it that he’s entrusting the success of this mission to 13-year-old kids? Why not go back in time with them?

Eric: Oh, that would be fun.

Andrew: [laughs] That would be fun. [imitates Dumbledore] “Ooh, let’s do this thing. This will be fun.”

Laura: I wonder if in this scenario, Dumbledore kind of is God…

Andrew: You’re darn right he is. [laughs]

Laura: … because he already knows what happened, right? Because he was down at Hagrid’s hut during the execution, which we now know never happened. So is he just setting the wheels in motion for what he knows is already going to happen?

Eric: Right.

Andrew: Won’t be the last time he uses that strategy.

Eric: Maybe he’s not playing God at all. Maybe he was genuinely surprised to see Buckbeak escape, and then he realized some trickery was afoot. So he’s just following the script he has been given.

Laura: What came first, the chicken or the egg?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Hard to say.

Micah: All of this stems from the fact that Dumbledore thinks that the Ministry is not going to believe the word of two 13-year-olds. And Lupin also gets thrown into the conversation as well, but Dumbledore mentions that he’s off running around the forest, doing werewolf things, and that generally, the werewolf community is not looked favorably upon by the wizarding community as a whole, not just the Ministry. So what do we make of this? Especially as we start to think maybe a little bit about Order of the Phoenix and some of the other members of the wizarding community that are mistreated. Fair to say the Ministry is a bit shortsighted here; much like it didn’t do the investigation of Sirius back whenever that was, they’re not investigating it appropriately here either.

Eric: It’s one of those systemic issues that you’re never going to 100% solve because people are so flawed.

Andrew: [chants] Fudge needs to go. Fudge is fudging. Fudge needs to go.

Eric: Yeah, I do like to think the world was more just with Kingsley as Minister and later Hermione.

Andrew: I guess if I were to try and defend the Ministry, I would say, “Time is of the essence here. They’ve got to make a move.”

Laura: Yeah, “Let’s commit an execution in a children’s school.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Absolutely.

Andrew: “There’s no time! We’ve gotta throw the axe down now!”

Micah: Well, they do it in the next book.

Laura: It’s funny because we actually have nothing but time because there’s a freaking Time-Turner here. But yeah, you’re right, Micah, in the next book, they do exactly what they intended to do in this book. And I understand time was of the essence there as well, but do you need to commit something worse than murder on school grounds?

Eric: Yeah, what happened to due process?

Laura: Right. [laughs]

Micah: Well, one other “What if?” I wanted to get in before we wrap up the discussion is, what if it all went wrong?

[“What if?” sound effect plays]

Micah: We’ve touched on this a little bit so far, but who gets blamed and what are the ramifications for misuse of a Time-Turner? We know Hermione has been given permission to use it for classes, but clearly in this situation she’s using it to free a presumed mass murder.

Andrew: I would just say, to defend Hermione and her getting the Time-Turner further, we do see Hermione multiple times strongly tell Harry “We cannot be seen.” And there’s the example that happens, basically as she’s telling Harry this, where Harry wants to grab the Invisibility Cloak so Snape won’t grab it, but then Hermione stops him. And it pays off; it was a good choice by Hermione because Hagrid walks in view of the cloak a moment later. So I see your points. I take your points. It’s a fun scenario to play out. But I also think it’s important just to remember Rowling did try to make the argument for why Hermione could have it and why we wouldn’t even have to worry that it could all go wrong. If it all went wrong, though, I don’t know.

Eric: Yeah, I mean, I hope that there’s some time guardian or something that’s able to go back and set the timeline right, that nobody can really die. But it’s more exciting to hear Hermione be like, “Witches and wizards…”

Micah: Wow, that reminds me of another Zelda game. What was that? Was it Skyward Sword with the time guardians?

Eric: Oh, is there? Well, that’s a common thing, somebody like Dumbledore, who’s all-seeing or can see into other timelines, is preserving the timeline. Oh, Loki. It’s in Loki.

Andrew: Oh yeah. Season 2 coming soon.

Laura: Except Loki has branching timelines, which are a lot more fun and easier, I think, to world-build off of.

Eric: Yay.

Laura: It’s one of the things that frustrates me about time travel in these books. Although I will say, viewing this chapter as self-contained is very fun. It’s a super fun chapter to read, even though if you start pulling the threads a little bit, it all comes apart pretty fast.

Eric: This is a house of cards, but it’s disguised like a Harley Davidson motorbike.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Yeah, I think it’s fair to say that time travel is messy, right? There’s nothing clean about it because so much can go wrong.

Eric: We haven’t even talked about how when Hermione turns the Time-Turner she shows up in the middle of the Entrance Hall. Like, what is that?

Micah: Yeah, that’s something that I wanted to talk about, too, is in the movie, at least, they get it right. They go back in time to the infirmary. But yeah, why did they go there?

Eric: That’s inherently dangerous for her to just be appearing in the middle of the Entrance Hall, considering how many times…

Micah: Is that always where she goes, I wonder?

Eric: Right, because considering how many times she’s done that this year, it’s absurd. There would definitely have been a student or somebody that would see her. Imagine having to explain that. [laughs] Maybe McGonagall has been going around behind corners and Confunding students that have seen Hermione just appear here.

Laura: Would have been a lot less work to just give Hermione independent study for a few off these classes.

Eric: Yeah, anyway.

Laura: [laughs] But for the plot…

Andrew: For the plot!

Micah: This might be a bit of a hot take question…

Andrew: [laughs] I’ve been waiting for this for days.

Micah: And the reason why I ask it maybe is not, Andrew, why you think I’m asking it.

Andrew: Oh.

Micah: But I will ask it. Could J.K. Rowling not come up with a more creative way for Sirius to have escaped? And the reason why I framed it this way was because she’s opening up a huge door, and we’ll get to her comments about Time-Turners, but presumably then anything in the future could be solved with the use of a Time-Turner. And that’s why I said “a more creative way” for Sirius to escape.

Andrew: Okay, I take your point. It was creative for the series at the time because it was new. [laughs]

Eric: We’re talking about, basically, because of how many plot holes it potentially creates, would there have been…?

Andrew: It’s more trouble than it’s worth?

Micah: The solution is just every time, “Oh, get a Time-Turner.”

Eric: Well, that’s why they all get destroyed. It’s great.

Andrew: Allegedly. [laughs]

Eric: Although we still don’t have the answer of how Fred and George Weasley predicted the end of the match of the Quidditch World Cup. That they won the… yeah. I thought that was a Time-Turner kind of a thing, but yeah, it’s definitely a plot hole. But I can’t imagine anything being more creative, though, Micah, to your question. I think it’s the coolest thing ever.

Andrew: I mean, it’s on the cover, too, we have to call out. It’s worth mentioning, since Micah is throwing shade add it, it’s on the US cover.

Laura: Like I said before, I really regard this chapter as being somewhat a self-contained story. Obviously, it’s not; it has implications for the rest of the series. But the way that I choose to take it in is to just enjoy the series of events as they’re laid out based on the breadcrumbs that we’ve been left all year. It’s definitely problematic from a plot perspective; there’s no getting around it. It is still a great chapter, though, and I do have a hard time thinking of something more creative. I’m sure we could. Again, that’s a whole other episode. So if you’ve started taking a shot every time we say that, you’re welcome.

Andrew: [laughs] And we need to update our brainstorming doc with these ideas.

Micah: Well, maybe the question should have been, could JKR have come up with a less plot-holey way for Sirius to escape?

Laura: Probably.

Andrew: Let’s just say this, though: Let’s look at that iconic moment from the cover, right? Buckbeak escapes… well, it’s not on the cover really. Well, I guess it’s sort of…

Eric: Harry and Hermione. The British cover actually has it.

Andrew: Oh, yeah, yeah. So just think of the cinematic moment of Sirius flying on Buckbeak to escape. You needed the Time-Turner to get to that because they had to free Buckbeak as well. So I guess, sure, maybe without Time-Turners they could have broken Buckbeak free themselves or something and still had that cinematic ending, but I think the Time-Turner assisted with leading us to that cinematic climactic ending in which Sirius flies free, if you will, after being imprisoned.

Micah: Well, and so does Buckbeak, right? It’s the two of them together.

Andrew: Right. Well, yeah.

Eric: It’s really the ups and downs that this whole book has been doing. You get completely turned around thinking Sirius Black is the bad guy, then he’s the good guy, then you think Harry is going to live with him, then you think, “Oh my God, Pettigrew is escaping, all is lost.” And even though it’s not the happiest ending for this book, this chapter really shows you that it is going to be a happy ending book. It is going to be a slightly less happy ending, but the guy that you wanted to go free does get to go free. And that feels right. That feels like justice. But anything less than the Time-Turner confusion, going back, being constantly caught off-guard, would be ultimately, I think, less satisfying than what was in the book.

Micah: All right, you convinced me.

Eric: Hey, cool. I win the debate.

Micah: And I really didn’t think about it in the way of just the symbolism of the two unjustly accused escaping with each other at the end of the book.

Andrew: Freedom!

Micah: And plus they have each other now. Sirius isn’t alone. But just to wrap things up, we’ve been talking about this a little bit in that, was it going to be a possibility that J.K. Rowling was planning to use Time-Turners later on in the series but just ended up thinking better of it? And she did say that she went far too lightheartedly into the subject of time travel in Prisoner of Azkaban. “While I do not regret it, (Prisoner of Azkaban is one of my favorite books in the series), it opened up a vast number of problems for me, because after all, if wizards could go back and undo problems, where were my future plots? I solved the problem to my own satisfaction in stages. Firstly, I had Dumbledore and Hermione emphasize how dangerous it would be to be seen in the past, to remind the reader that there might be unforeseen and dangerous consequences as well as solutions in time travel. Secondly, I had Hermione give back the only Time-Turner ever to enter Hogwarts.” So that answers your question from earlier, Andrew, if there was anybody who used it previously. “Thirdly, I smashed all remaining Time-Turners during the battle in the Department of Mysteries, removing the possibility of reliving even short periods in the future.” I guess she didn’t know about Cursed Child at that time. “This is just one example of the ways in which, when writing fantasy novels, one must be careful what one invents. For every benefit, there’s usually a drawback.”

Andrew: Well, it’s very convenient to say “the only Time-Turner, by the way, ever to enter Hogwarts.” Was that ever in the books? Because otherwise, you have to be cautious with taking that at face value. She could have conveniently made that canon when writing this [laughs] just to cover her bases further.

Eric: Oh, that’s funny. The work continues to…

Andrew: Right, exactly. She’s continuing to cover over the plot holes. [laughs]

Eric: Listen, even in 1999 or whatever she didn’t believe that people will be reading this so closely 25 years later.

Andrew: Yeah, that’s a valid point.

Micah: Fair point.

Andrew: Can you imagine our own work being torn to pieces like Harry Potter or any other popular book is?

Laura: True.

Eric: I can; it’s getting close to that. But yeah, you’re right. It shouldn’t be.

Andrew: It’s like, we get emails from people, and of course we love the emails, but people point out when we make mistakes. I mean, that’s basically what happens when you’re the author as well on a much, much larger scale.

Micah: We never make mistakes.

Laura: Yeah, we criticize because we love.

Andrew: [laughs] I feel like we’ve gotten better for sure. But I feel like we used to get a lot more emails about mistakes.

Micah: Look, we’re human. We make mistakes. It happens.

Andrew: Yes. Yep, you’re right. We’re not perfect. Nobody’s perfect, in the words of Miley Cyrus. Hannah Montana, sorry.

Micah: Anything else on this chapter before we go to odds and ends? I know we didn’t go through the plot step by step. But anything we might’ve…?

Andrew: We already did. Ha, ha, ha! The backing up in time… okay, never mind.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: That’s funny.

Eric: It’s just really nice that Harry has the touching moment with the stag Patronus, and coming to the realization that it was him that sent the Patronus. And it’s funny that the reason he can do it is because he did it before, but really, that’s the coming-of-age part that everyone talks about that then became, in the movie adaptation, Harry fiddling with himself under the sheets when the movie opens. The reason this is a coming-of age-book is because of that moment with him and his dad, that wholesome moment where he realizes his father is gone, even though he’s been reintroduced to all of these friends that ran around. Again, it’s not that perfect happy ending. It’s a less than perfect happy ending. And the version of James that Harry has is the Patronus part that lives inside him, so that really is just the crucial, I think, moment where Harry comes of age and realizes that although he can be surprised by the past, the future is equally, I guess, hopeful as it is the opposite.

Micah: And I think it was nice to see the final Marauder included in the story as well. We’ve spent so much time with Remus throughout this book, then we get Sirius, then we get Pettigrew, but we don’t really get James. And there’s that hope – and I think there were fan theories for a long time – that perhaps if all these Marauders are alive, especially Pettigrew, perhaps James is alive as well in some way, shape, or form. And the other really touching moment of this chapter is the fact that Harry is willing to confide that to Hermione when they’re having that conversation. He’s letting his guard down a bit and saying, “Yeah, I actually thought it was my dad.” And I think you only do that with somebody who you consider to be a real true friend.


Odds & Ends


Micah: Time for some odds and ends. First one, when Harry looks over at Hermione in the hospital wing, it’s noted that she looked “petrified,” which I thought was a nice Chamber of Secrets throwback because she was Petrified in the same spot just one book earlier.

Eric: I like that Harry looks over and she’s just like, “Shh, we’re both listening in, this is crazy.”

Micah: It’s noted that Sirius is in the 13th window from the right of the west tower, seventh floor. So if you are the first to escape out of the 13th window, you are the first to die. That’s the other not as well-known Trelawney-ism.

Eric: [laughs] I love that. That’s great.

Micah: And best of all, drunk Hagrid is back.

Eric: Yeah! That should be the episode title.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Well, and one of my favorite lines, definitely in this chapter – I think they brought it over to the movie as well.

Micah: It’s in the movie.

Andrew: Yeah, okay. I love how Dumbledore quickly gives up on trying to find Buckbeak and instead asks Hagrid for tea or brandy.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: I just think that’s so great. And now he’s just in don’t-give-a-bleep mode. He’s just like, “Well, that was that! That was fun.”

Eric: “What can you do?”

Laura: I do love it. And I loved Michael Gambon’s portrayal in these moments.

Andrew: I do too.

Laura: I felt like he really captured Dumbledore at this point in the series.

Andrew: Yes. And also in this movie when he says, “Three or four turns should do it. Good luck,” and then he goes behind the doors, I thought that was a great moment by Michael Gambon as well.

Micah: And when they come back, they’re like, “We did it,” and he’s like, “Did what?” And he just walks away.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: That was great.

Andrew: And all this Time-Turner talk, it’s got me thinking about a date I went on about 11 years ago now. I may have told this on the show or maybe on Millennial at one point. I was going on this date with this guy in Los Angeles. And he knew I was doing… I have my Harry Potter background, and he shows up to the date wearing a Time-Turner because of my Harry

Laura: Aww, that’s very sweet.

Micah: Just the Time-Turner?

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: You guys, stop it.

Micah: Yeah, the little Noble Collection necklace and that was it?

Andrew: No, Micah, I’ve only seen you wearing nothing but a Time-Turner.

Micah: It’s true.

Andrew: So anyway, we go on the date. I’m very touched by this little touch, his little accessory. It didn’t work out because I started learning a little more about him; let’s just say I was a little concerned for my safety if things didn’t work out. [laughs]

Eric: Yikes! All right.

Micah: I’m just letting you know, for reference, you did say that you were “touched by his little accessory.”

Andrew: Trust me, that went through my head when I said that too, okay? I’m talking about the Time-Turner.

Laura: I wasn’t going to say anything.

Andrew: I really need the music this week to bail out of certain scenarios.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Micah: Are you sure you want to do weeknight recordings?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Not anymore.

Andrew: I think this is fun.

Micah: This is fun.

Laura: It’s going to be unhinged.

Andrew: All right, it’s time for MVP of the week. [laughs]


MVP of the Week


[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: Maybe I should call an audible and say I’m going to give it to Hermione’s little accessory.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: There you go. We’ll let you do that.

Andrew: Okay, I’m giving it to Hermione’s Time-Turner. I love that little accessory.

Eric: I’m going to give it to Dumbledore for the way he handles Snape. He’s playing with some serious fire here, and it works.

Micah: I like that play on words.

Laura: I do like it. Speaking of, I’m going to give mine to Sirius. Let’s think about the events of this chapter from his point of view, particularly at the end. They’re all unconscious. They get brought up to Hogwarts on stretchers. Presumably, he wakes up in this classroom, up on the seventh floor, doesn’t know why he’s been brought there, doesn’t know where everyone else is. And all of a sudden, he sees his godson and one of his best friends on a hippogriff outside the window, and he doesn’t pause. He’s like, “All right.”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: So I’m going to give it to him for recognizing, “This might be a little shifty, but I know what’s waiting for me on the other side of that door…”

Eric: Time to get out of Dodge.

Laura: “… I’m going to jump out the window.”

Micah: I gotta give it to Buckbeak. He was very well-behaved in this chapter. If he ran off, the whole plan would have been just completely screwed.

Andrew: All right.

Micah: There are moments where he wants to run up to Hagrid, and he saves the day at the end. I mean, to Laura, your point, Sirius can get away now. They can become really good friends somewhere off in the… where do they go? The mountains? The forest? Hogsmeade?

Eric: They’re around.

Laura: Yeah, they’re in a cave for a while, right?

[MVP of the Week music ends]

Andrew: Oh yeah, that sounds right. All right, well, next week will be the final chapter in our Prisoner of Azkaban Chapter by Chapter series, Chapter 22, “Owl Post Again.” Did you three know that’s it’s only been a year since we started Chapter by Chapter?

Eric: What?

Andrew: I saw it come up in my iPhone memories this week. Our first… and I’m talking Book 1. We started Book 1 September 13, 2022. It feels like so much longer.

Eric: It really does. Wow.

Andrew: [laughs] We move too fast with that first book. That’s my takeaway.

Laura: Yeah, moving back to one chapter a week was the move.

Andrew: And of course, Book 4 is very large, so it might take us a year to get through it, especially if we’re doing other episodes.

Eric: I’m really excited for Book 4.

Andrew: Well, speaking of Book 4, we have some exciting news, I think, for everybody. Before we start Goblet of Fire Chapter by Chapter, we will be doing – drumroll please – for the first time ever, a Goblet of Fire movie commentary. Woop woop!

Laura: I’m so excited for this. I haven’t seen this movie in a long time.

Andrew: Me neither. I’ve been growing my hair in anticipation for watching this movie with all the long-haired kids in that motion picture.

Eric: It’s time to announce that that’s why my hair has been growing long as well.

Andrew: It’s all making sense now. So yeah, we actually did do a Prisoner of Azkaban movie commentary, and we thought about doing it again, but it was just back in May 2021 that we did that. It’s only about two years ago.

Eric: It’s all current. Same people, same opinions. It has not changed at all.

Andrew: Exactly, exactly. So after we do Goblet of Fire, we will have still Chamber of Secrets to do and Order of the Phoenix and Deathly Hallows – Part 1. So we still have some to work through, and we will get there because just like we’re enjoying doing this complete Chapter by Chapter series, we would love to do all the movie commentaries. We have to.

Eric: Absolutely.

Andrew: How have the MuggleCasters not done every movie at this point?

Eric: We’re completionists multiple times over.

Micah: This movie quite possibly has the worst scene in all of the Harry Potter films.

Eric: [intensely and angrily] “Did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire? Did you ask another student to do it for you?”

Andrew: Everybody automatically knows what you’re talking about when you say that.

Micah: It rivals the “He was their friend.” I don’t do that very well.

Eric: No, it’s worse because it’s coming from an adult.

Laura: Yeah, no, you gotta shout that.

Andrew: Well, I think in light of that being such a huge meme and huge part of the Harry Potter fandom, maybe we should all have a shot ready for that scene and we take the shot when…

Laura: Yeah, I’m down.

Andrew: Okay. I didn’t have to convince them. I couldn’t even get through that sentence.

Laura: No! Are you kidding me? I’m always ready.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: We need to take a shot from a goblet.

Andrew: Ooh, now you’re talking. I used to have a goblet from the Noble Collection.

Eric: That’s a waste of… because then you got to wash the goblet, if you just put a little bit of something in it. [laughs]

Micah: I’m sure Target has some we can get before we do our commentary.

Andrew: It’s worth it for the pod.

Micah: It is.

Andrew: But we thought it would be a great idea to refresh ourselves on this movie because of course, when we’re doing Chapter by Chapter, we talk about the movie from time to time. So this will be a great introduction.

Eric: Yeah, I love the idea of watching the movie first as a primer because we’ll reference it. Obviously, the book is much more complicated. And not to spoil the next week interim between Books 3 and 4, but Book 3, I’ve said it forever, is my favorite book in the series. Book 4, when I first read it, I asked myself at the end of it, “Is this book, my new favorite? Do I like it more than 3?” And my answer was yes. So there’s a possibility that Book 4, as we go through it, might usurp Book 3 for me because I’m trying to stay true to the original 14-year-old that read this.

Andrew: Aww. Well, I hope it lives up to…

Eric: That’s sort of a personal life update. [laughs] I don’t know if that was actually interesting at all.

Andrew: No, it was, but we can we can definitely talk about that more, too, at the beginning of Chapter by Chapter. The first time we read it. I definitely have fond memories getting Goblet of Fire because that was the first midnight release I attended.

Eric: Oh yeah, that’ll be a whole thing.

Andrew: If you have any feedback about today’s episode or the chapters ahead, you can send an owl to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use the contact form on MuggleCast.com. You can also send a voice message; just record it using the Voice Memo app on your phone and then email us that file. Or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3MUGGLE, that’s 1-920-368-4453. And now it’s time for Quizzitch.


Quizzitch


[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s Quizzitch question, how old was Sirius Black when he played the trick on Snape with Lupin? The correct answer was 16. Correct answers were submitted by 10-year-old Laura, the Master of the Universe; Accio 12 bagels; Beaky for life; Chocolate chip Dumbledough; Defend Dumbledore; Dock hooper; Elizabeth K.; Fantastic Beasts is amazing but isn’t happening; For 10 minutes Snape has a very magical object in his grubby mitts and doesn’t quite seem to realize it; Something smart and witty that I cannot think of; Sour grapes Snape; Luke the 11-year-old… let’s see… Ally the 25-year-old; love people are giving us their names. Lost sugar quill abrew; Towels enough effing towels; Wolfstar, Dadfoot, and Moomie? And Wolf Starbucks for the win; and many more, including, somebody sent the very first Quizzitch snswer song lyric filk. They sent an entire song as their Quizzitch answer, and maybe I’ll read it after that episode ends. Or sing it. But shout-out to Hippogriff rider 2000. Next week’s Quizzitch question: At the end of term, who arrives to see Lupin after Harry does? Submit your answer to us on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav if you’re already on our website. We know how many of you have it bookmarked.

[Quizzitch music ends]

Andrew: If you’re an Apple Podcasts user, for just $2.99 a month you can receive ad-free and early access to MuggleCast right within the Apple Podcasts app. Patreon does offer more benefits, but if you’d prefer to support us right within the Apple Podcasts app, we know it’s nice and easy because you already have your credit card there. The offer is there, and you can just tap into the show and you’ll see the subscribe button, Plus a free trial is available and annual subscription is available as well. We also have a free trial and annual subscription on our Patreon, and you get a lot more benefits there. Don’t forget now is the time to pledge to gain access to the MuggleCast collector’s club. You will also need to fill out a form to let us know you want to receive the stickers and the backing card. And speaking of Patreon, those of you who use Spotify, you can now tap into the show and you can easily access our Patreon. And then you can actually get our bonus audio content. we do two bonus MuggleCast installments a month we also post ad free MuggleCast and early access to MuggleCast within Patreon, you can get all those audio benefits right within Spotify now. nice and easy. We’re very excited that they added that. and don’t forget to follow us on social media. We are @MuggleCast on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, and Threads. Thanks everybody for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye everyone.

Laura: Bye.

Transcript #625

 

MuggleCast 625 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #625, MuggleCast LIVE from LeakyCon 2023


Andrew Sims: Hey, everybody. This week’s episode was recorded live from LeakyCon, and we think it’s a really fun episode, so we hope that you enjoy it. Just a quick note, the first few minutes of the show were recorded on one of our laptops, and then the audio switches over to LeakyCon’s soundboard. So after those first few minutes, it’ll sound much more clear. We only can attend events like LeakyCon thanks to listener support, so thank you to everyone who supports us on Apple Podcasts and Patreon. If you like what we do and have a little extra money to support us, we would really appreciate you pledging at Patreon.com/MuggleCast to help us run the show. We will hook you up with lots of great benefits in return, including bonus MuggleCast episodes, ad-free episodes, early releases, and much more. We’ll be back to Chapter by Chapter next week. For now, here’s MuggleCast live at LeakyCon with Micah, Eric, and Chloé.


MuggleCast Live at LeakyCon 2023


Eric Scull: Hello, everybody. Oh.

Micah Tannenbaum: Press the button.

[Chloé laughs]

Micah: It’s only the fourth one we’ve done.

Eric: You ever have that thing as a podcaster where you’re not recording and you don’t find out until after?

Micah: Yeah, Andrew loves that.

Chloé Laverson: Eric has had so many himbo moments this weekend. It has been epic.

Eric: Might as well just call me Ken. Hello, LeakyCon 2023!

[Audience cheers]

Eric: We’re so thrilled to be here in Chicago. Very difficult trek for me because I’m local. But we’re thrilled to be here, aren’t we? I’m Eric Scull. Let me let my fellow hosts introduce themselves.

Micah: I’m Andrew Sims.

[Audience laughs]

Micah: I’m Micah Tannenbaum.

Chloé: I’m Laura T. [laughs] No, I’m Chloé, for those who don’t know me. I’m the social media manager, and sometimes I have the absolute privilege of being on the podcast with these lovely goofs.

Eric: We are here today celebrating a very, very, very big birthday. A long time ago, in this galaxy, Micah Tannenbaum was born this month.

Chloé: Woo!

[Audience cheers]

Eric: Celebrating a birthday, Micah. We have a little birthday cake, something special that we thought we’d surprise you with.

Micah: Aww, you guys.

Chloé: Okay, I’m going to do my absolute best not to drop this, but show everyone how beautiful it is. Can everyone see?

Eric: It says “Happee birthdae, Micah.”

Micah: Thank you.

Chloé: Happy birthday, Micah. We love you. We worked really hard on this cake this morning.

Micah: It looks really good.

Eric: We really did. It’s going to be… it’s red velvet, I hope you like that.

Micah: So you didn’t go get cough drops.

[Audience laughs]

Chloé: No, we conspired against you.

Eric: I got them in the end. Meg brought the cough drops, so I’m in good shape.

[Chloé laughs]

Eric: Which I’m popping right now. Anyway, MuggleCast also celebrates a birthday this month because in fact… what date is it? What year is it?

Chloé: Anyone know the date? August 5.

Eric: Two days from now is our 18th birthday.

[Audience cheers]

Eric: That’s right. We’re old.

Chloé: You’re old.

Micah: Very old.

[Chloé laughs]

Eric: Who’s old?

Micah: We’re old.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. Well, we’ve been doing this show for now 18 years, which is just unbelievable to me.

Chloé: And you’ve just gotten better with age.

Eric: Aww.

Chloé: Right, you guys?

Micah: See, she came back around with a compliment.

Eric: I remember… we’d like to talk just for a second at the top of the show about how we first got connected to MuggleCast. A lot of the original hosts had been contributing to MuggleNet.com, which was the world’s number one Harry Potter fan site. And that’s not propaganda; it’s true. It really just was the biggest site. And I contributed to the weekly caption contest, taking still frames from the movies. And I had a friendship with Ben and some of the other guys, and when it came time to do Episode 3 of MuggleCast, which was a few weeks after…

Chloé: Your debut.

Eric: … Ben called me up and he said, “Hey, we’re missing somebody for a show, for a podcast, and can you record?” I said, “Sure, what do I need?” He said, “A headset, and you need to download Skype,” and I said, “What’s a Skype?”

[Audience laughs]

Eric: And the rest is history. I had such a fun time and they kept letting me come back.

Chloé: Skype is vintage now.

Eric: Yeah, outmoded. Zoom has taken over.

Micah: Well, I remember when we all wanted to talk on the earlier episodes, we usually just typed a little period in and sent it through on Skype to let the other person know because it’s not like now where you have Zoom and you’re able to see and tell when other people want to speak.

Chloé: I feel like that might help still, some episodes. [laughs] We’re all just talking on top of each other.

Eric: Andrew edits that out in post, it’s totally fine. No, but little things like that, figuring out… we were new to podcasting because podcasting was new. In fact, just about a month after the show debuted, Steve Jobs did his big Apple Keynote where he introduced the search function of the iTunes library that then included audiobooks, podcasts, etc. And MuggleCast – there’s video of this – MuggleCast showed up on the screen at his Keynote.

Chloé: Didn’t MuggleCast invent podcasting? We invented podcasting, right?

Eric: Did we? Well, we wrote the Harry Potter books, and then we were like, “We’ve got to turn this into a podcast.”

[Audience laughs]

Chloé: Aren’t you so glad that MuggleCast wrote the Harry Potter books? [laughs]

Eric: Amazing. But Micah, how did you get started? What’s your sort of origin story here?

Micah: Yeah, so I had listened, actually, to the first episode of MuggleCast, and I offered to do some kind of news for them and… I don’t know. It’s all kind of a blur, honestly. I reached out to… I think it was Kevin Steck, initially, on Instant Messenger, and then he put me in touch with Andrew, and then I was… in those days, too, you waited, kind of like now with text where you wait to hear back from people. I was sitting there very eagerly waiting to hear back from Andrew, and one thing just led to another. I started out doing the news segment on MuggleCast.

Eric: Does anybody listening now remember Micah’s pre-recorded news segments?

Chloé: Nice.

Eric: Recorded in the News Center in New York.

Micah: Yeah. And then he just offered, “Come on an episode.”

Chloé: Wait, I have a really, really important question that I don’t know if I know or listeners know. What was your handle? Your AIM handle?

Micah: MJTbaum.

Chloé: Oh, it’s the same thing now.

Eric: He’s changed it up exactly zero times.

Chloé: The consistency, we love it.

Micah: It wasn’t cool like SiriusBlack423.

Eric: It was not that…

Chloé: PhoenixWrath is Laura’s, I’m pretty sure.

Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah. I think 88. I think with an 88. Did you ever have an AIM screen name?

Chloé: I did, actually. OrangePopsicle18. No, you know what it was? It was my Webkinz username. I don’t know if anyone knows what that is, but I just used the same thing. So I did have one, yes.

Eric: OrangePopsicle18? That’s so sweet.

Chloé: I mean, you know me. It’s whatever.

Eric: Yeah, you’re such a popsicle. No, but Chloé… okay, so obviously, Chloé, you found the show at some point because you have had this progression into our amazing accomplished Social Media Manager. But how did you first come about MuggleCast?

Chloé: Yeah, I’m kind of a fraud. And I’ve talked about this before, so…

Micah: Knew it.

Chloé: Are we fighting already? It’s literally only what, five minutes into…?

Micah: Six minutes, 47 seconds in.

Eric: I’m going to have to keep you two apart.

Chloé: Micah and I are all love but sometimes we feud on the pod. [laughs] I found y’all during the pandemic; I think quite a few people have that story. I was bored and alone and sad and in desperate need of some Harry Potter friends, which is maybe how we all find Harry Potter podcasts or media. And I listened for about six months, and the day I joined the Patreon – and I’m not kidding, so I believe it’s fate or that I manifested y’all into my life – but you posted the Social Media Manager hiring job the day I joined, and that’s what I studied. And I was like, “You know what? Eff it, let’s do it.” So I emailed Andrew a resume that I put in Slytherin colors, and I themed it. My resume is usually pink, for those who know me.

Eric: You sure it’s not orange, Miss OrangePopsicle?

Chloé: [laughs] Whatever. And I found the social media posting, y’all hired me, and we became friends. And I love each of you so much individually. And it’s been almost two years of us together. And I mean, I think I think I bring something special, a little sparkle. Definitely bring the average age down.

[Audience laughs]

Eric: I’d like to report a murder.

Micah: Well, don’t you actually have a confession? You were telling us about…

Chloé: Oh my God, Micah, no.

Micah: You should let the rest of the group here know. You didn’t find MuggleCast just a couple of years ago, did you?

Chloé: Don’t look at me. Okay, so did anyone have that hot pink iPod Nano that you could download music to? I mean, everyone had an iPod.

Eric: Was there a tiny little scroll wheel? Like a tiny, tiny one?

Chloé: Yes. And I may have downloaded an episode of MuggleCast in 2007, and…

Micah: When you were five?

[Audience laughs]

Chloé: I was eight.

Micah: Oh, okay.

Chloé: So I did know apparently about MuggleCast. I guess I didn’t like the episode enough to keep listening. [laughs] But I’m here now, and I’m so, so blessed for this community and what it’s brought into my life. And all of you have been so welcoming, even though I’m kind of a newbie. Y’all have been here for 18 years, some of you, and I’ve only been here for two, but thank you for accepting me and being so wonderful. I really appreciate it.

Eric: Absolutely. We mustn’t have been…

Chloé: Y’all are fine. I’m talking about the listeners. [laughs]

Eric: No, but also Micah and I mustn’t have been on that first episode. Yeah, we probably just weren’t on that one that you listened to a long time ago.

Chloé: I wonder, if I had heard Micah’s voice I might have stayed on.

[Audience laughs]

Chloé: I’m wondering who was on it. I’ll look.

Eric: So we actually have a variety of fun segments planned as well as actual other discussion other than how old we are, but the first game inevitably is also about how old we are. We’re going to play this with the audience. So there’s there’s no prizes – we will warm everybody up – there will be prizes later. We promise.

Chloé: Oh, I was like, “Wait, no, there are prizes.” Later.

Eric: There are prizes; they’re in a box on stage. And if you brought your own…

Micah: I’m just going to go eat the cake while you guys do the rest of…

Chloé: Yeah, for you, babe. Here.

Micah: See you guys later.

[Chloé laughs]

Eric: Okay, do you have a cake cutter? Anyway, the first game that we’re going to play with you all is called “Is MuggleCast older than?” And we have a list of things we’re going to go through. And we want to hear, audience, just general shouts, yes, no. “Is MuggleCast older than?” This is going to go real quick, but it’ll be really fun.

Chloé: It’s a test. You will be graded.

Eric: We’re not leaving until everyone in this room feels old. Or feels how old we feel.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Well, two of us.

Eric: Yes, two of us. Right. So Chloé, would you like to go first?

Chloé: “Tik Tok” by Kesha. Are we older than the song “Tik Tok” by Kesha?

Audience: Yes.

Chloé: Okay, yes, 2009. An anthem for young women everywhere, truly.

Eric: Okay. Next, Micah.

Micah: The iPhone.

Audience: Yes.

Chloé: Oh my God. They’re so smart.

Micah: They’re on it.

Eric: They’re really good.

Chloé: We were shocked. We were looking this stuff up and we were like, “No, unbelievable.”

Eric: We’re not talking about the XS, the 3G… the original iPhone came out two years…

Chloé: I’m sorry, it looks like an adult site now. Why aren’t we talking about that? Twitter? I’m so annoyed.

Eric: Oh, well… you stole my thunder. That was going to be…

Chloé: Oh, sorry, sorry.

Eric: So back before X… Twitter, not the letter X. We are not older than the letter X, okay?

[Audience laughs]

Eric: That’s not on here, though. But Twitter debuted to the world… are we older than Twitter?

Audience: Yes.

Eric: Yeah, we’re actually… flawless victory, you guys. This is crazy.

Micah: Yeah, this is impressive.

Eric: Yes. Twitter actually came out the year after we started. It came out 2006.

Chloé: So we don’t get political, usually…

Micah: That’s the other show.

Chloé: … but my favorite presidency, the Obama presidency. Are we older than Barack Obama’s presidency?

Audience: Yes.

Eric: Okay, you know your history. We didn’t really mean to lead with all these yeses. Maybe they’re all yes, and that’s the joke.

[Chloé and Micah laugh]

Chloé: You are so old.

Eric: We are older than all this stuff!

Micah: So we’ve existed through four presidential administrations? Or three-ish, depending on how you…

Chloé: Existed or survived, right?

Micah: The last one doesn’t really count.

Eric: Okay, Micah, the next one is you.

Micah: Chloé. Are we older than Chloé?

Audience: No.

Micah: Yeah, we kind of already gave that one away.

Eric: Everybody’s real astute.

Chloé: I was born in the 90s, you guys. Come on.

Eric: I still find that so hard to believe. But you know how to TikTok! How does that…? That doesn’t equate to me. Okay. Here’s one: Shrek 2 and The Incredibles. Are we older than…?

[Audience murmurs]

Chloé: They did come out the same year? Amazing year for cinema.

Eric: Okay, okay, we finally have a contentious thing. Who thinks that yes, we are older than The Incredibles and Shrek 2? Yes, shout it.

Audience: Yes.

Eric: Okay, and who thinks we are not older than The Incredibles and Shrek 2?

Audience: No.

Eric: Okay, no actually wins. It is no. Those movies came out in 2004.

Chloé: When movies were good. [laughs] Do you all remember the iconic moment of pop culture history when Britney Spears shaved her head?

Audience: Yes!

Chloé: We were all collectively a part of that. Are we older than that moment?

Audience: Yes.

Chloé: Yes. 2007, an iconic year for Y2K stars.

Micah: I should have brought my glasses. Are we are we older than Taylor Swift’s debut album?

Eric: Let me think about this. It was self-titled, right?

Chloé: Taylor Swift by Taylor Swift. Debut.

Eric: Okay, so who thinks we are older than Taylor Swift’s debut album?

Audience: Yes.

Eric: And who thinks we are not older than Taylor Swift’s debut album?

Audience: No.

Chloé: Okay, this was a test for the real Swifties. We are older than Debut by 14 months.

Eric: All right, and here’s the last one. And this is for fellow sci-fi/fantasy fans. Is MuggleCast older than David Tennant as Doctor Who?

[Audience murmurs]

Eric: Do we have somebody who wants to talk about why we we’re not, or…?

Audience member: It was early 2000s.

Chloé: Aren’t we early 2000s too?

[Audience laughs]

Eric: Okay, let’s see. Okay, okay. So who thinks, yes, we are older than David Tennant as Doctor Who?

Audience: Yes.

Eric: And who thinks no, we are not older than David Tennant as Doctor Who?

[Audience murmurs]

Eric: We are actually not older. David Tennant as Doctor Who regenerated in June of 2005 from Christopher Eccleston. We started in August. But you’d be forgiven for not knowing that all he had was one line of dialogue on that episode. He said, “Hello. Okay. New teeth. That’s weird. So where was I? Oh, right. Barcelona!”

Chloé: He put that in just so he could do that joke.

Eric: Just so I could try and do a David Tennant…

Chloé: Was that obvious?

Eric: I’m trying to rep the Brits on this podcast. Thank you all for playing that game. The other games have prizes. [laughs]

Chloé: We have one more question to tie back to Harry Potter, the reason why we’re all here. What book came out right before MuggleCast premiered? You can just shout it.

Audience: Half-Blood Prince.

Eric: We had some… Okay, some said 5? Some said 6?

Audience: 6.

Eric: We debuted right after the premiere of Book 6. That was in July of 2005. We started in August, so that actually was the inciting incident, I want to say. The first 100 episodes of MuggleCast existed in the… and it was so wonderful that it stopped at 100, the night before we got the seventh book. But it existed in that space of “We do not know what is going to happen. How is the series going to end? Who’s going to fall in love?” All that nonsense.

Chloé: I think that year was the year that I actually picked up the series.

Eric: Really!

Chloé: Yeah, I think I picked up the Harry Potter series in 2005, so the same year MuggleCast came out, because I know that 7 was my first midnight release. Way too young. But it was the first one I went to. [laughs] Borders did exist. I mean, if that makes you feel better. I went to Barnes and Noble.

Eric: Wait, so you might have actually found Harry Potter before Micah did?

Micah: Yeah, it’s possible. I’m not going to confess to that in front of a live studio audience.

Eric: I know, we’re in a room of super fans here.

Micah: I’m not going to make it out of the room alive.

Eric: We’ll protect you; you’re the birthday boy. You have protection, yeah. Okay, so next thing we wanted to ask… because we’ve been around for a while, we just wanted to talk a bit about what our favorite moments were from making the show what maybe surprised us from the history of MuggleCast.

Micah: I’ve talked about this a little bit earlier, but David Heyman, getting an opportunity to interview him on Episode 200 with you was probably one of the highlights of the show, no question. Just an amazing person to get the opportunity to speak to loves the series. He was only supposed to spend maybe 15 minutes with us and he spent close to 45.

Eric: And the reason it was such a great interview, too, like you said, but also as a get: He was the man most responsible for the fact that the Harry Potter books became the films, first getting the rights right when the books were coming out. He saw the potential and also saw it through, and that’s just absolutely beautiful. It felt like coming home, speaking with him on that.

Micah: And we got to play the Dueling Club with him, which we’re going to play actually in just a little bit with some people here in the audience.

Eric: Yeah, a nice little shout-out to that fun fan favorite segment, if we remember that. But yeah, David Heyman coming on. And again, I got into the Harry Potter series because of the first movie, so that felt like being able to thank the guy that made it possible, so that was really good. I want to go to Chloé next, actually.

Chloé: Oh, me next. You know what, last night has been my favorite moment from making the show. First of all, I love these men, and I love Andrew and Laura and Pam as well; they have brought so much joy into my life, and friendship and mentorship, and I’m eternally grateful. So probably yes, the people. But last night, getting to talk to y’all at our meetup and become friends and learn more about you was so rewarding, right? Because I think before I’m posting to the void a little bit, and recording to the void, but now I’ve seen you and I know you’re real. And that was really, really special.

Eric: I agree. It’s always an interesting and extremely exciting time to meet the people that listen to the show, because when we record, we’re sitting in front of our computer alone in our room or a closet, or anything that we do. And then we go to these events, especially the conventions, which have to be probably my highlight, my favorite moments of meeting everybody. But we often get… has anybody ever said to you, Micah, “Oh, you don’t look how you sound”? Because I get that all the time. [laughs]

Chloé: The amount of people last night that were like, “You’re taller than I thought.” What does that mean?

Eric: You just project…

Chloé: Like I give short energy? Whatever. I have beef with all those people.

Eric: The more you think about it, maybe it’s not good to think about. But no, that’s really been amazing, because the opportunities that the show afforded us, right? So there’s been a great deal of personal growth when you start something like this with a group of people, all with very different personalities, but a shared common ground. I think what formed MuggleCast in the beginning, in addition to the fact that we were all pretty young and just extremely passionate, was where our personalities fit. And what began as “We’re just going to read the news” ended up being more.

Micah: Oh, we were just going to read the news?

Eric: It was just going to be a news recap show.

Micah: Oh, oh, I got you.

Eric: Like This Week in Tech kind of thing. That was what we were going to do.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, I agree. And just the opportunities that the show has afforded us over the years to be able to go different places and meet the people who listen to the show. It’s just great. Last night was awesome; I echo Chloé.

Eric: We had a live meetup last night. I’m sorry if the RSVPs were capped and you couldn’t get in, but it was a really nice time.

Chloé: We still love you anyway.

Micah: Yeah, blame Andrew.

Chloé: And it’s his fault, yeah.

Eric: It’s my fault. But let’s actually… so we’re going to do another game segment here, and this is where we are going to reprise our fan favorite Dueling Club. But in order to do this, we need volunteers who are interested. The way this game works – before you volunteer – the way this game works is we’re going to give you a category and you’re going to pick a character from Harry Potter, and the person that you are opposite is also going to pick a character from Harry Potter within that same category. And then you’re going to have to defend which one would win against the other in a duel.

Chloé: And then we’ll be rating your…

Eric: We’re going to be judging.

Chloé: Yeah, roasting you if you don’t do well. [laughs]

Eric: So if you would like to participate in something like that, could you raise your hand? Okay, we’ve got somebody straight back, in the back. Please come up to the stage. We will make a chair available.

Chloé: Amazing. Well, pick your side. Standoff. Why don’t you come over here? I’ll pick your side for you. [laughs] I’m loving the outfits.

Eric: Please, come on up.

Micah: What are your names?

Sam: Sam.

Violet: Violet.

Micah: Sam, Violet.

Eric: Can we actually get you guys to come up to the microphones? Or actually, I can move this over to… sorry about that.

Chloé: This is for you, Sam. Nice to meet you.

Eric: So Sam and Violet? Sam and Violet. Okay. Thank you for being our first volunteers. Can we get a round of applause for our first volunteers here?

[Audience cheers]

Eric: Very brave.

Chloé: But I don’t think either of you or Gryffindors, are you?

Sam and Violet: No.

Eric: You know, other Houses can be brave, too, Chloé.

Chloé: Well, she’s wearing a Slytherin sweatshirt and scarf, and you’re giving Luna a little bit. So are you a Ravenclaw? Yeah, see?

Eric: Okay.

Chloé: I used deductive reasoning.

Eric: Well spotted. You know, you’d be pretty good at what we do on the show.

Chloé: I’m so big brained, you guys. You have no idea.

Eric: Okay, so Sam and Violet, for your round of the Dueling Club, the category is non-human characters. Take a minute to think about this. So it can be anybody you know that’s not human, whether they’re a house-elf, a centaur…

Violet: Does a werewolf count as not human?

Eric: A werewolf can… I would say that…

Chloé: I was telling Eric, this is a political question. [laughs]

Eric: I think it’s pretty cut and dry. Okay, 100% human. If they’re not 100% human, they’re included. Okay, but I hope that didn’t lead your opponent into guessing what you might be choosing if you ask that question, so just clear your mind.

Chloé: Uh-oh, Sam was also going to pick Lupin.

Eric: Okay, Lupin is off-limits. This is how we play. It’s great, we make up all the rules, all the rules. So think about a non-human character. And we’re sorry, this is a hard category, we know. Tick, tick, tick. Take another moment. Do you have somebody?

Chloé: It is controversial, this question, truly.

Eric: We’ve already said that.

Chloé: No, no, I know, I’m just thinking…

Eric: I will apologize again.

Violet: I mean, I have someone. I just don’t know if they technically count.

Micah: Everybody counts.

Eric: It’s okay. You know what? Okay, this is just actually to narrow the pool. If it’s slightly not correct, it’s fine as a character because you still have to defend whether they would win against the other character in a duel. Do you have somebody? Okay, so lean into your microphone, and we’re going to say “Three, two, one,” and then you’re going to say your character at the same time. Okay, three, two, one.

Violet: Voldemort.

Sam: Bane.

Eric: Voldemort and Bane the centaur. Okay, so on the one hand, you have Lord Voldemort, former human who’s really just magically changed and grown into something quite unrecognizable as his former self. And on the other hand, you have Bane, one of the fiercest centaurs, and fiercest for a traditional standpoint. So we’re going to take turns here; we’re going to start with Voldemort. Why do you think Voldemort would win in a magical duel against Bane?

Violet: Okay, I’m just saying, first of all, he has a wand. And the Elder Wand is the most powerful wand in the world. He is one of the most feared people in all of history, even though he couldn’t technically kill people at a school. But anyway, the point is, he is the most feared Dark Lord in history, he has a bunch of followers, he has power, he has fear on his side, and yeah, I’m just saying a centaur probably couldn’t face Voldemort.

Eric: Okay, okay.

Chloé: Sam?

Sam:: I’m really bad at this. Can we just pretend that he has a wand?

[Audience laughs]

Eric: Well, you know what? He’s got hands. He can hold… he’s got thumbs.

Micah: He’s got hooves.

Eric: He could hold a wand.

Violet: I will admit, Bane would probably crush Voldemort in a fist fight.

Eric: Are you conceding? Are you conceding?

Violet: No, no, of course not.

Eric: But do you have any more to say?

Sam: So if he did have a wand, I think… he’s a centaur, so he’s really smart. He was made to be smarter than normal humans. I’m really bad at this.

Micah: You’re doing great.

Sam: He’d probably get really mad and just kick him in the face.

Eric: Oh, a hoof to the face.

Chloé: Why did no one think of that?

Eric: You know what? Maybe it happened. That’s why his nose is caved in.

[Audience laughs]

Eric: Bane has already attacked Lord Voldemort and won.

Sam: I’m just saying, he could probably just kick him in the face.

Eric: Yeah, kick him in the face?

Chloé: Totally could kick him in the face.

Eric: How does the audience feel about the defenses here presented? Who thinks Voldemort would win in a fight against Bane?

[Audience cheers]

Eric: Okay, respectable, respectable. Maybe Voldemort supporters in the front row there. Sorry, I wasn’t assuming anything by the lots of Slytherin outfits.

Violet: Okay, he has Horcruxes. He has seven chances at life. I’m sorry.

Eric: Who thinks Bane would actually triumph?

[Audience cheers louder]

Chloé: Wow.

Eric: We’re going to say probably Bane wins the first round of the Dueling Club. Congratulations, Sam. So as a prize, we actually have… let’s see. BRB.

Chloé: Also, Bane has a pack. That’s going to give him a lot of support, right? And he’s fierce.

Audience member: He can look into the future.

Chloé: That’s an excellent point.

Eric: So I know neither of you are Gryffindors, which, that’s unexpected.

Chloé: Is it, for MuggleCast?

Violet: We’re better than Gryffindors.

Eric: This round each of you are going to get to choose a prize. Sam is going to get to choose first. We have a MuggleCast tote bag that we…

[Audience ooooohs]

Chloé: Vintage.

Eric: It’s a reusable shopping bag, which has a little pocket on the inside, and it’s really well made and durable. And on the front it says, “Carrying magic since 2005.”

Chloé: Are either of you younger than the show?

Eric: Oh, God, don’t ask that question. Don’t ask the question.

[Chloé laughs]

Eric: And then the other prize we have, and this is the prize we have for everyone else who does the Dueling Club in the future’s prizes, is very exclusive. My favorite thing that we’ve ever done for the show is the MuggleCast mug. And it’s Gryffindor colors on the inside. This is not strictly shippable, or take on the plane-able, and will probably shatter if you’re not very careful.

Micah: You’re not selling this very well.

Eric: But that’s what makes it vintage! Because these are the only ones we have left and they have survived.

Micah: Hold on, so would you say then that that is a leaky mug?

[Audience laughs]

Eric: If you take it home in your checked baggage, it might turn out to have been…

Chloé: I have a tip. I really do. Put it in the middle of all your clothes, and don’t… yeah, and stuff clothes inside the mug and around it.

Eric: Yeah, the way that they do if you go to one of those Christmas shops and they do the ornaments… I’m sorry. Anyway, we’re holding you guys up so much. You guys have been great. Sam, do you have a preference for the prizes? The mug? Thank you so very much. And you’d like the tote bag? Thank you both for being our first volunteers.

[Audience cheers]

Micah: And just really quickly, speaking of leaky mugs, Melissa.

Eric: Oh, Melissa!

Chloé: As soon as she’s doing something. [laughs]

Melissa Anelli: Now I’m MuggleCast.

Eric: MuggleCast?

Micah: Oh, you’re MuggleCast.

Melissa: John and Frak ditched me, so…

Eric: Oh. Ladies and gentlemen, Melissa Anelli, the woman that has made all of this possible!

[Audience cheers]

Melissa: Ooh, is it your birthday?

Micah: August 17.

Melissa: Okay, close enough.

Eric: Please come down and grab that mic; you can reach it around.

Melisas: Hello, fellow MuggleCasters.

Eric: Hello, Melissa. Welcome, welcome. We just finished talking about how old we are.

Melissa: I’m so glad I got here now.

[Audience laughs]

Eric: But we are playing the Dueling Club.

Melissa: Okay.

Eric: You remember how this goes?

Melissa: As a MuggleCaster, I know about this.

Eric: Oh, of course. That’s right. One of the original hosts of our show.

Melissa: You do what… you ask questions?

Chloé: Almost.

Eric: Um, yes? Question mark. We ask the question, the only question that matters is who would win in a duel?

Melissa: Okay.

Eric: And we get two audience members to participate. Do we have other volunteers, by the way, who want to try this out? Okay, right in the front, Rex, and also the two-toned white and black hair over there. Welcome, welcome, welcome. And then Melissa, if you wouldn’t mind sharing the mic. You know what, I actually had that mic earlier today and it does work; it’s just the light is gone. Okay, okay. Your new category of characters – and this is a little limiting, but we’re going to go with it – Defense Against the Dark Arts professors.

Rex: Okay.

Eric: Rex is ready. He’s like, “Okay.”

Chloé: Rex has his own Harry Potter podcast. [laughs]

Eric: Let’s take a minute because if you guys do say the same character, you both have to pick different characters.

Rex: Okay.

Jenny: Okay, let me think this one through.

Eric: Yeah, take your time. You have your first one and a backup? DADA professors. Are you all set?

Jenny: Yeah.

Eric: Okay. Oh, sorry, what were your names? So Rex?

Rex: I’m Rex. That is my name.

Eric: And…?

Jenny: Jenny.

Eric: Jenny? Okay. Thank you both. We’re going to say three, two, one, and you’re both going to say your character name of DADA professors, who would win in a duel. Okay, three, two, one.

Jenny: Fake Moody.

Rex: Lupin.

Eric: Fake Moody versus Remus Lupin.

[Audience ooooohs]

Rex: That’s good.

Eric: Okay, who has a ready defense and would like to go first?

Jenny: I’m ready.

Melissa: Okay.

Eric: Oh, wow. How interesting that the person I singled out as being a huge Voldemort supporter is now supporting a Death Eater.

Jenny: [laughs] I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Chloé: You literally have a Dark Mark on you.

Eric: Jenny is hiding the Dark Mark. Okay, Jenny, why would fake Moody beat Remus Lupin, our favorite DADA professor?

Jenny: Sure. So fake Moody has chaotic energy. He will literally torture things in class and murder spiders, so I believe he would have no problem trying to murder another teacher.

Chloé: Valid. So valid.

Eric: I find that very compelling.

Rex: I know it might not be canon, but I’m sure Lupin has murdered a spider before…

[Audience laughs]

Rex: … so I don’t think that’s impressive. And if this is on a full moon, and he didn’t take his… he has the werewolf energy and that is kinda scary.

Eric: So he can wolf out…

Rex: And kill spiders.

Eric: … and he’s probably killed a spider. But Moody is kind of the X factor; you don’t know, he could go real far. Barty Crouch. Okay, I can’t decide this, and I don’t know about you guys, but should we let the audience figure out who won? Who thinks that Remus Lupin would triumph over Barty Crouch, Jr.?

[Audience cheers]

Eric: And who thinks that Barty Crouch, Jr. would triumph over Remus?

[Audience cheers louder]

Eric: I wasn’t prepared to embrace the evil, but Jenny has absolutely surprised us.

Rex: That was a good choice.

Eric: She surprised me by coming up with that. I want to say congratulations, Jenny. And if you guys do want a MuggleCast mug, we have them here.

Rex: I’ll take one. Mine broke.

Eric: Okay, and Jenny, thank you both very much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Chloé: An excellent choice.

Eric: We have one more round if people want to play, if we have two more volunteers. In the back in the vulture hat, and over there in the blue hat. Welcome, welcome. Only people with hats.

Chloé: Oh wow, that’s so excellent. You look so good.

Eric: Oh my God.

Mike: I know, I can’t win against that. Actually, I’m covered in Patronuses, so I can.

Eric: Listen, I was going to say, not with that attitude. You got this. You got this.

Chloé: For those listening, we’re currently looking at a fabulous, fabulous Snape cosplay, but specifically when he’s a boggart.

Eric: Neville’s grandma, yes. Boggart Snape. Okay. Oh, happy birthday! And what is your name?

Claire: My name is Claire.

Chloé: This cake is for you.

[Audience laughs]

Eric: If you have something that can cut this cake, you can just take it. It’s cool, it’s cool. It says “Happee Birthdae Micah” on it, but I’m sure that’s fine.

Melissa: I have such issue with this. Hagrid knew how to spell. I’m sorry.

Eric: No, he didn’t.

Melissa: He knew how to spell!

Mike: This is a whole new Dueling Club now.

Eric: He tries, he tries. Okay, okay, sorry. I’m sorry, what was your name again?

Claire: My name is Claire.

Eric: Claire.

Micah: It’s her birthday.

Eric: And your name, sir.

Mike: I’m Mike.

Eric: Claire and Mike. Okay, so your category for the Dueling Club: Weasleys.

[Audience ooooohs]

Chloé: My idea, thank you.

Eric: This was Chloé’s idea. Shout-out to Chloé again. Take your time, just think about it for a minute, and remember that if you do say the same character, we’re going to make you both choose a different character, so have a backup ready. Claire, Mike, okay, you’re both very good. Okay, we’re going to say three, two, one. You’re each going to say your character. Three, two, one.

Claire: Charlie.

Mike: Molly.

[Audience ooooohs]

Eric: Charlie and Molly.

Claire: Why do you think they’re fighting?

Eric: That’s another great question. Why would they fight? Who would like to defend their choice first?

Claire: I’m happy to go.

Eric: Okay, okay. Claire, why would Charlie Weasley be able to defeat his mother in a duel?

Claire: So I would say Charlie, we hear really the least about him. And I really think that he is probably a very powerful wizard, and he also works with dragons, and dragons are very powerful creatures. I don’t know if anyone has been reading things like Fourth Wing and whatnot. So I think that Charlie would win because he would also have the help of a dragon, which we know cannot really be defeated unless there’s multiple witches and wizards fighting against it at the same time.

Chloé: Did you cite fan fiction just then?

Claire: No, no, no, it’s a book. Rebecca Yarros.

Eric: Okay, okay. Mike, we’re going to check in with you. How are you feeling?

Mike: Mother knows best. You don’t mess with your mom.

Eric: Oh, snap.

Mike: I mean, we know she’s a powerful witch. We know that. But I mean, that’s beyond the point we’re talking about. You have the interpersonal relationship. You really going to go up against your mom?

Chloé: Also, probably taught him everything he knows.

Mike: Yeah, there you go.

Micah: I think I have the perfect person to judge. Arthur is sitting right over here.

[Audience laughs]

Micah: And I don’t want you to struggle too much between your wife and your son, but…

Audience member dressed as Arthur: We’ll just have to ask Bellatrix.

Chloé: Boo.

Melissa: I agree. Molly.

Chloé: That is such a fair argument.

Eric: But could she bring herself to raise her wand against her…? Well, he’s not the oldest.

Chloé: That wasn’t the question, though.

Eric: Okay, okay, who would win in a duel? Okay.

Melissa: The assumption, right, the premise is that this is the Dueling Club.

Eric: Oh, right. You’re right. No, Melissa really… yeah, that’s a great point.

Melissa: As a MuggleCaster, I know these things.

[Audience laughs]

Eric: Let’s be honest, Melissa was always the best MuggleCaster. Okay, so please help yourselves to your mugs if you would like them. Thank you both for playing. Okay, so next we wanted to touch on, just since we’ve been fans for so long… oh, Melissa, be sure to get the mic back.

Chloé: I’ve been a fan longer than Micah, though; let the record show.

Eric: We did establish that earlier, that Chloé actually maybe picked up her book first.

Melissa: When?

Chloé: When I was six.

Melissa: When were you six?

Chloé: 2005.

Melissa: I’ve got you a little beat, I think.

Eric: But we’re on the same level. MuggleCast and PotterCast both debuted in August of 2005, so we have been Harry Potter fans for at least as long if not longer. I wanted to talk about now… just ask you guys what your favorite moment from the fandom was, so not related to specifically podcasting. But there were so many ups and downs as a Harry Potter fan, the many reveals, the many happenings, viral moments. Is there something that really sticks out as just “This was the wildest time to be a Harry Potter fan when this happened”?

Melissa: Can we say pre…? My friend is calling it “Rapture.”

Eric: June 2020?

Melissa: Yeah, my friend is calling it the rapture, and I’ve decided to make this a thing. Before the rapture, it was… oh God, I can’t… like, number one?

Eric: Something that comes to mind now.

Melissa: Honestly, when Emerson and I went and did the thing in 2005.

Eric: Was it before the seventh book or before the sixth book?

Melissa: It was before the sixth book. I don’t know if you guys even know this; it’s a whole new generation. Emerson and I were invited by J.K. Rowling to go to the release of the sixth book in Edinburgh Castle and then interview her the next day, which meant we had to be done with the book by the next day. And it was just this incredible night where we were at this castle watching her give this reading to a bunch of kids. And they wouldn’t, even to us, knowing we had to interview her the next day, would not give us the book until midnight. I was like, “Thanks, y’all. They’re in a room over there; could I just have one?” And so we took our books, and we were staying in this little hotel in Edinburgh, and we just ran. I had these heels on so I just took off my heels, we’re just running down the Edinburgh streets, I was like, “We have to sit down and read!” But it was the most amazing experience for at that level of being a fan because it was just such a height. And she was still our…

Eric: Did she call you on the phone? Because I seem to remember Emerson either missed the call or it was like, “Em, it’s Jo…”

Melissa: Emerson missed the call. And her assistant had warned me, her assistant said, “Can I call you?” And I was like, “Sure.” And then I realized that her assistant and I had talked plenty about many things; she never once had to call me. And I thought to myself, “Don’t think that. Don’t think that. It could be… don’t think that. Don’t go there.” And then at 8:00 in the morning I pick up the phone and it was J.K. Rowling.

Eric: Thank God she didn’t say, like, “We’re thinking of litigating against you and you need to end the fan site.” It’s not like, “Hey, you’ve got to shut it down.”

Melissa: Similar things have happened.

Eric: So was it not her house that you went to?

Melissa: The castle was the party and then it was her house the next day that we went to, which was wild. And then I got to go again and interview her for my book, which was such an incredible experience because it was past all the glitz and glamour phase and we were just… it felt like we had been through something together because of this fandom thing. Obviously, what she’d gone through was a lot more, but it really felt like we could finally talk about everything openly; there were no more secrets. And so I spent two days in our house just – not sleeping over – two full days just chatting, and it was delightful. She was delightful then.

Eric: Yeah, a simpler time. Anybody else have…?

Micah: I always remember her website, and the reveals that she would do on the site were just so cool. The little puzzles you had to figure out in order to get the titles of the different books.

Eric: I never figured them out. I had to go to MuggleNet and figure out how to…. “Jo’s website hacks.” It was impossible. The WOMBATs – did anybody do the WOMBAT quizzes? They are the hardest possible questions.

Melissa: That’s not up anymore, right?

Eric: No.

Micah: There was just such an energy about it. There was an energy.

Eric: There was an energy, and that’s how big…

Melissa: It’s the same energy that Taylor Swift fans have now. It’s the same energy.

Eric: I didn’t think it would be recreated ever, but you’ve actually pointed that out that I’m pretty sure that’s 100% accurate.

Melissa: They’re figuring things out together.

Eric: Taylor Swift energy. By the way, MuggleCast is older than Taylor Swift’s first album.

Melissa: I was going to say, Taylor Swift?

[Audience laughs]

Micah: Pretty close.

Melissa: Pretty close, but no.

Chloé: Taylor Swift is similar in age, actually, to you.

Melissa: Hey, at 20 we should do something. Years.

Chloé: In two years.

Melissa: 2025.

Eric: Why don’t we go and stage our own party in Edinburgh Castle? We’re going to dream big and you’re all invited.

Chloé: I will bring a newer fandom moment to y’all for my Gen Z and my newer fans, newer generation. All the Young Dudes.

[A few cheers in crowd]

Chloé: Right? Yes, and the Marauder fandom and what’s happened after. Post-rapture, the fans have really claimed this series and made it their own and created beautiful, wonderful stories that are the spinoffs we’ve really wanted. So I love that, and I love Harry Potter TikTok, and that actually has been a really wonderful moment for me, especially again during the pandemic.

Melissa: I want to add to that a little bit because I think if we’re doing pre-rapture and post-rapture – it’s already a thing, I’m so excited – so I think the fact that LeakyCon has now become maybe one of the only, if only, in-person place where you can still come and celebrate the story and not feel like you are celebrating somebody whose views you don’t agree with.

Eric: Thank you for that.

[Audience cheers]

Melissa: It’s so special. It’s not me, it’s our team that cares so very deeply about making sure that the space that we all built as fans doesn’t get ruined because of things that she’s doing. And I won’t pretend it’s been easy, but the fact that y’all come and support it is a huge reason why we can still do this, that we can count on the fandom to be here for each other still.

Eric: Yeah, I will say it does give me hope seeing all the Harry Potter influencers on TikTok and just making it their own. That’s what it’s all about. Yeah, I mean, for me, I’d love to think about something not JKR centered, but something that is tangentially related, of course. We brought this up earlier, but Evanna Lynch used to listen to MuggleCast and we maybe vaguely heard a story about MuggleNet; she found out about the Luna Lovegood casting call from reading the site. Well, so apparently she would introduce our podcast to other cast members while on set of the fifth and sixth movies; it’s really unbelievable. But all this leading to LeakyCon… I think it was 2011 you were in Chicago.

Melissa: ’11 was Florida. ’12 was Chicago.

Eric: I keep thinking it’s 2011. It’s 2012. Anyway, we asked Evanna to be part of our live show at LeakyCon here in Chicago in 2012 at the Hilton, which is a lot closer to Lollapalooza. How’s traffic been, by the way, for you guys? So she said yes, and we were getting seventh anniversary T-shirts – this is how old ago this was – seventh anniversary T-shirts made. I said, “Do you want to a T-shirt?” We had House colors; I was going to give her Ravenclaw one. And she said, “No, no, I have my own shirt.” I’m like, “Okay.” She shows up in the original MuggleCast shirt that we sold in 2005/2006 from Sam and Nate. It was based on the old iPod shadows design where the original iPod… because again, we’re older than the iPod. Or, the iPhone.

Chloé: I have beef with that design.

Melissa: You’re older than iTunes doing podcasts. Nobody knew what a podcast was. We put the 30-megabyte thing just up on the Leaky Cauldron and it broke the site. There was no Libsyn.

Eric: There was a dedicated RSS feed client. What is this?

Melissa: We were just like, “I don’t know, here’s this file,” and then everything broke.

Eric: Well, Micah said – and it kind of broke me – dial-up was still a thing. It’s unbelievable. And people were burning our podcasts to CD so they could listen in the car.

Melissa: You couldn’t go one second over an hour. You couldn’t do it.

Micah: Walkmans.

Eric: Where was I? Yes. So Evanna Lynch brought that shirt, which means we probably have her home address somewhere in our old order form. I’m sorry. It broke our brains because she was amazing in the movies, and seeing that level of… it just sold it for me. So you can tell me verbally that that was a thing, but seeing it and she was proud and brought it…

Micah: And she’s been on the podcast several times. We’ve gone on her podcast,

Eric: She’s great. But yeah, all the people… because that really shows us again, meeting everybody at these cons and everybody in the room listening, these are all the people that were affected by what we put out there and liked it and came back, and they tell us, and it’s really just been an amazing experience.

Melissa: That’s why when people say, “You’re still doing it?” and…

Eric: Yeah, we’re still doing it. “What do you talk about?”

Melissa: Yeah, y’all are still doing it. PotterCast is trying, y’all. [laughs]

Eric: Listen, listen, listen. If you want to jump ship and head over to MuggleCast…

Melissa: I’m telling you, John and Frak ditched me. I’m a MuggleCaster now.

Micah: Welcome.

Melissa: At least for this weekend.

Eric: I declare canon!

Micah: That was good.

Eric: Thank you. I need the thunder.

Micah: I’m going to do the trivia question now.

Eric: Do you have a trivia question?

Micah: I do have a trivia question. I have a prize to give away too.

Melissa: Ooh.

Eric: Okay, we do have a prize to give away for a trivia question. Take it away, Micah.

Micah: So we’re obviously celebrating the 18th birthday of MuggleCast. The question is – and please just raise your hand, don’t shout it out – who was on the first episode of MuggleCast? Who hosted the first episode of MuggleCast?

Eric: We have a Hufflepuff in the second row.

Chloé: Stephanie.

Eric: Shout it out. Stephanie?

Stephanie: Do you want me to go up there?

Eric: Sure. Well, actually, just shout it out.

Stephanie: Was it Ben Schoen?

Micah: I’m asking the whole host. All the hosts that were on the first episode of MuggleCast.

Chloé: Oh, we want all of them.

Stephanie: It was Ben, Andrew, and Kevin?

Eric: So the guess is Ben, Andrew, and Kevin.

Melissa: Kevin Steck. Oh my God. Where is he?

Eric: He really likes Skyrim.

Chloé: He came on recently. [laughs]

Eric: Is that correct?

Micah: That is correct.

[Audience cheers]

Eric: So speaking of Kevin Steck, he came on MuggleCast recently because we were discussing a certain video game that came out that we were all little questionable about buying it. Turns out, that’s one of the most diverse video games with a great story, and we love it now. So our copy for you, Stephanie, of PlayStation 5, Hogwarts Legacy is now here.

Melissa: So cool.

Stephanie: Thank you very much!

Eric: You’re quite welcome.

Chloé: Everyone should know that Stephanie’s outfit – that’s listening – looks fabulous.

Eric: It’s a Hufflepuff Quidditch player with their name on the back.

Chloé: Everyone’s outfits are so good.

Eric: Everyone’s outfits! Next level.

Chloé: You all look so hot. I love it.

Eric: [laughs] Okay, who wants to see us actually talk about Harry Potter now? We had a segment. This is where you’re going to challenge us. And Melissa, thank God you’re here.

Melissa: [laughs] We’ll see.

Eric: We’re going to play Make the Connection.

Audience member: Yes!

Eric: Making the Connection is an old segment whereby there’s a prompt, “Make the connection between Harry Potter and…” We then take turns and we need to connect it in a satisfying way. If we do not do this, if it is not satisfying, we lose. So would anybody like to challenge us? Here’s an example: Make the connection between Harry Potter and hearing the music of the ice cream truck as a kid in summertime. Right? It would be like, oh, well, Harry had certain summers, etc., etc. Like that. Or it could be as crazy as Jamie Lawrence used to come up with, like the lint in the middle of your belly button.

Micah: After you’ve slept for 12 hours.

Eric: After you’ve slept for 12 hours under a tree in the shade, yeah. So who has a…? And this is for the MuggleCast mugs, by the way, the remaining quantity of MuggleCast mugs. We’re going to give them out if we can do a few rounds. Does anybody have a challenge for us? Please stump us. Be as obscure as you like.

[Long pause]

Eric: Okay, we’re going to jump to a Q&A.

[Audience laughs]

Eric: Which was the end of… let’s jump to Q&A if people have just general questions. But the challenge is out there; the gauntlet is… if anybody wants to come up with a Make the Connection for… okay, somebody, do you have a Make the Connection?

Audience member: I do. The Chicago River.

Eric: The Chicago River. What a great, proper… so make the connection between Harry Potter and the Chicago River.

Audience member: Specifically around the time of the tour bus…

Rex: The poop?

[Audience laughs]

Eric: Around the time of the what?

Rex: The Dave Matthews poop scandal.

Chloé: Oh, oh, oh. They dumped… okay, tell me if I’m right, but the Dave Matthews Band dumped their feces…

Rex: On a Chicago architecture boat tour.

Melissa: What does that have to do with Harry Potter?

Micah: That’s the point.

Eric: We have to find out! We must discover what it has to do with Harry Potter.

Melissa: They couldn’t vanish it.

Micah: They couldn’t send it to poop mountain.

Chloé: Oh, I have a connection ready.

Eric: Okay, Chloé’s got it. Maybe we’re going to vote on whose connection…

Chloé: I have a connection, I think, already. So when Harry is on the Knight Bus for the first time, there is a witch that he sees in the corner of his eyes, and she is visibly green. She looks like she might have already puked or she’s about to puke. And that is transportation that other people are on, that is bodily fluids, and that’s Harry Potter. So I think I just hit everything. Oh, but the Chicago River. They are drinking hot chocolate, which is often made out of water, and the Chicago River is also made out of water. And sometimes you put things in the Chicago River to change its appearance, like the green for St. Patrick’s Day. They just dumped a bunch of rubber ducks in, did you guys see that? That was awesome. So yeah, I just made the connection.

Melissa: So it’s not that the Chicago River was in Harry Potter someplace.

Eric: No, no, but the feeling the you get… or so, the Chicago River around the time that the Dave Matthews Band shat in it.

Melissa: When was that?

Rex: Like, 2007. It was going over one of the bridges and dumped all of their…

Eric: Yeah, yeah, we get it, we get it. Okay.

Melissa: I’m so sorry I know that now.

Micah: I think she still gets a mug, though.

Eric: Yeah, please come up and get your mug, by the way, for that awesome suggestion. And I think that Chloé probably nailed it. I can’t follow that.

Chloé: Yeah. Do I get a mug?

Eric: Yeah, you also get a mug. You’re also not a Gryffindor. Does anyone else have a Make the Connection for us? Okay, I see two, three more hands. We’ll do them quick. Yes, in the jean jacket.

Audience member: Bowling alley carpeting.

Micah: That might be worse than dumping the poop.

Eric: No, I love bowling alley carpeting.

Melissa: Is there something specific about bowling alley carpeting?

Eric: Bowling alley carpeting is that zany… there’s planets…

Chloé: I have one, but I’ll give you a chance.

Eric: Okay. It’s just the most wild patterns in the most…

Melissa: It’s like con hotel carpeting.

Eric: Kind of. So I feel like if I were a trendy wizard, or if I were actually crazy like Dumbledore…

Chloé: You are.

Eric: … I would get myself into Gladrags Wizardwear and the robes I would end with are the ones that would be patterned just like the bowling alley carpeting. I feel like we’ve seen characters in crazy or crazier patterns than anything you’ve ever seen in a bowling alley. Maybe they were trying to go undercover as Muggles, or maybe it was just Dumbledore on a Wednesday.

Chloé: Dedalus Diggle would probably wear that.

Eric: Dedalus Diggle, absolutely, absolutely. And I wouldn’t put it past Mundungus Fletcher to tear up some carpet and try and sell it to a wizard, saying it’s the latest fashion trend.

Melissa: Definitely.

Eric: Please come up and get your mug!

Chloé: I also feel like the Leaky Cauldron flooring would be just as gross as a bowling alley carpet, right? Because people are spilling beer on it.

Eric: People stick their gum on it.

Chloé: Yeah, for sure.

Melissa: Wasn’t there also a magic carpet salesperson at some point?

Eric: Yeah, there was a magic carpet at the Quidditch World Cup. See, you’ve got it. Melissa is on it, everybody.

Melissa: I’m on it.

Eric: Okay, in the front far left corner. Hello.

Audience member: Okay, I have a really crazy one.

Eric: Okay, a really crazy one.

Audience member: Harry Potter and the purple people eater.

Eric: Make the connection between Harry Potter and the purple people eater.

Melissa: Dumbledore likes purple… Dumbledore wears purple?

Chloé: I already have one.

Eric: Chloé’s got it.

Melissa: What is a purple people eater?

Eric: It’s just a green-eyed flying purple eater… one-eyed, one-horned flying purple… does it fly?

Melissa: Oh, what’s something purple that flies?

Chloé: There’s multiple connections there.

Melissa: There must be a dragon.

Micah: There’s got to be a dragon.

Eric: Hungarian Horntail?

Micah: It’s not purple.

Eric: It eats people.

Micah: Grawp?

Eric: The Horntail actually looks purple, but that’s because the image in the movie is so dark, everything looks purple.

Melissa: There’s got to be a purple dragon.

Chloé: I have one; I’m wondering if you guys will give it to me. Hermione is Muggle-born, right? And she probably grew up listening to nursery rhymes and children’s stories…

Eric: And Raffi. So much Raffi.

Chloé: … that are from the Muggle world, and I’m wondering if she heard, before she went to Hogwarts, the one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater. And then when Ron was talking about The Tales of Beedle Bard, or later when Ron who does this in the books and not in the movies, teaches Harry and Hermione about wizarding life – because Hermione randomly knows it in the movies, which doesn’t make sense – but when Ron is telling them about wizarding culture, I wonder if Hermione in the scenes we don’t see tells him about the one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater.

Eric: Are we going to give that to Chloé?

[Audience cheers]

Eric: Okay, please come up and get your Gryffindor mug.

Melissa: Did you say Gryffindor mug?

Eric: It is red and black.

Melissa: Oh, got it.

Eric: We originally had all the House colors, then they got smashed by UPS. They were insured, it’s cool.

Chloé: And Gryffindors don’t listen to MuggleCast.

Eric: Yeah, we’ve actually found out… we’ve talked recently, Gryffindor is… we’re exclusive of…

Chloé: If you’re a Gryffindor, can you cheer?

[Audience cheers]

Chloé: Okay! They’re all here.

Eric: Thank you!

Micah: They do exist.

Eric: We have time and round for one more hand. I don’t want to miss anybody in the back. I see a Slytherin in the back.

Audience member: Hi, the incandescent lightbulb, the one that just got banned.

Eric: The one that just got banned. I haven’t heard about it.

Audience member: They just banned all incandescent lightbulbs.

Melissa: Yeah, or they just can’t sell them anymore. You can’t buy new ones.

Eric: What makes them incandescent? Is it the filament?

Melissa: Because it takes up a whole lot more energy than LED.

Eric: Oh, tha LEDs, okay.

Melissa: And it’s the last Tom Edison invention. But wasn’t the light in Harry’s cupboard an incandescent lightbulb?

Eric: Melissa just solved it. Making the connection between Harry Potter

Micah: The Deluminator.

Chloé: Yeah, I was about to say, Dumbledore cancels lights.

Eric: Okay, make the connection between Harry Potter and incandescent lightbulbs, specifically the kind that were just banned. Melissa says the light in Harry’s cupboard was surely an incandescent bulb. They didn’t have LEDs in 1991; all the bulbs were incandescent. That’s a great one. You think you have something better?

Micah: The Deluminator came to mind.

Eric: Yeah, the put-outer could definitely do that. Chloé, do you have something?

Chloé: Well, I was going to just say that the Deluminator… Dumbledore literally cancels lights. We just cancelled lightbulbs.

Eric: We just cancelled lightbulbs like the Deluminator! Ah, it’s so good.

Chloé: I just slayed this.

Eric: I think you all slayed, and I’m so glad I didn’t have to come up with any make the connections. Please come up and get your mugs. But I think that that may actually wrap our 18th birthday celebration. We want to thank everyone for coming out to MuggleCast LIVE; we have had such a wonderful time at LeakyCon this year, as always. We want to thank Melissa for putting on such a great place. You’ve always been so good to us.

Melissa: Thank you for having me here.

Eric: We have more panels to do. We have two more tomorrow that Micah and I are on, and I will be participating in the stage reading of Puffs tomorrow.

Melissa: You’re in that? What time is that?

Eric: I’m doing the stage directions. 1:15 tomorrow, this stage.

Melissa: Amazing. That happened last week. It’s wild.

Eric: I know. So thank you again all for coming. If we just all cheer and say goodbye! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Audience cheers]

Transcript #624

 

MuggleCast 624 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #624, Where’s the Moonscreen? (POA Chapter 20 The Dementor’s Kiss)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And this week, be sure to put on your chapstick because the Dementors are finally going to get their chance to pucker up.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: I almost made a kissy noise, but I don’t think some people like that. Some people don’t dig the ASMR.

Eric: Right.

Laura: Yeah, we’ve gotten feedback about that before.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I really appreciate how these episode intros seem to get more unhinged every week.

Andrew: [laughs] Well, who wrote this?

Laura: Oh, I did. I went all in on it this week because of last week…

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Laura is patting herself on the back.

Laura: Yeah. I feel like we should just lean into it.

Andrew: Absolutely, yeah.

Eric: I agree.

Andrew: Well, before we get to this chapter – and we do have a fun little stat about this chapter, which is Chapter 20, “The Dementor’s Kiss” – just a couple of quick reminders. Last week we told everybody about year two of the MuggleCast Collector’s Club, and this is a five-year program in which each year between now and 2026, we will be sending you four to five exclusive new stickers that celebrate the show’s past and present. And we’re also giving you the Collector’s Club card, which is this beautiful backing card for your stickers. If you want to put them on there, you can; you don’t have to. But it’s really great; it’s beautiful artwork all around. Year two stickers celebrate various parts of MuggleCast past and present: We have our old Chicken Soup for the MuggleCast Soul sticker, we’ve got a sticker with a classic iPod with MuggleCast playing, we’ve got a sticker with Hogwarts on fire… so check out the MuggleCast Collector’s Club. You must pledge by September 22 and fill out the form to receive year two stickers. This is the only year you can receive these stickers. This is just one of the many benefits you receive, and actually, we have a new bonus MuggleCast coming soon. Eric, do you want to tease what that’s about this week?

Eric: Absolutely. Yeah, by the time this episode is out, so too will be the next bonus MuggleCast segment for this month, and it is video of the content creators roundtable that was done at LeakyCon this year. This was a really fun panel that we had, a panel discussion about creating content, how people got started… Micah did this with me, as well as Em Wallbank and Chanel Williams, who you may know from TikTok, and Trey Beachum, as well as Lauren Fairweather, who did a great job moderating. So it’s a 50-minute video that’s now fully available, and just go check it out, because this is what we do at these cons. There’s an air of unpredictability. For instance, I believe that one of the panelists is in character the whole time as some Elvis guy.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Oh, I’ve heard of that guy.

Eric: Yeah, he’s kind of a weird, dude…

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: … but his outfit is impeccable.

Andrew: [laughs] “Kind of a weird dude.” Eric, Eric…

Eric: Impeccable vibes. So that’s a gift for all people who support us on Patreon; we’re very grateful always, but special bonus content that’s only available if you subscribe.

Andrew: Yeah, we’re doing two bonus MuggleCast installments a month. Laura, you just actually did a great bonus MuggleCast installment for us, or led it, I should say.

Laura: Oh, thank you. Yeah, we talked about our favorite – or maybe some of the most convincing – headcanons for Harry Potter that we were able to source from Reddit, from Tumblr. These are basically fan imaginings of things that could have happened offscreen that we don’t necessarily get to see represented in the books. It was a really, really fun discussion, and I feel like we could honestly make that a series if we wanted to because the the well is unlimited there, I think. There’s a lot to dig into.

Micah: The people have spoken. I think they want another installment of that on a future bonus MuggleCast.

Laura: All right!

Micah: We’ve seen some feedback on social media; people really enjoyed it. I’m still trying to process Mrs. Norris is Filch’s wife.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: That’s been in the back of my head all week long.

Andrew: So check out Patreon.com/MuggleCast to check out all the benefits that we have to offer.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: And now it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Chapter 20 of Prisoner of Azkaban, “The Dementor’s Kiss,” and we’ll start as always with our seven-word summary.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Micah: Chaos…

Eric: … ensues…

Laura: … on…

Andrew: … Hogwarts…

Micah: … grounds…

Eric: … under…

[Andrew gasps]

Eric: [whispers] Moonlight. Moonlight.

Laura: … moonlight, thank you.

[Andrew laughs]

[Seven-Word Summary music ends]

Laura: I was like, “God, what’s the word I’m looking for?” I knew that’s where we were going.

Andrew: Oh, beautiful.

Laura: This is a good one, y’all.

Andrew: It is. So romantic.

Laura: Micah, that was such a great word to start our seven-word summary with.

Micah: Thank you. I didn’t even know I was starting it until I just looked seconds ago.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Laura: Well, your girl may have realized 15 minutes before the episode started that she hadn’t put a seven-word summary order in, so… congratulations. That’s why you ended up in the first spot.

Micah: You’ve always got to be prepared.

Laura: We like to be chaotic here, especially when we have what I think is a unique chapter for these books, right, Andrew? There’s something that makes this chapter unique as a Harry Potter chapter. [laughs]

Andrew: Oh, yes. So we did actually mention this a couple of weeks ago: People don’t know this, but we actually have a research team behind the scenes at MuggleCast. We don’t talk about them much. They’re a crackpot group of researchers we employ; they’ve got decades of experience on the web. They’re sometimes known to Muggles as ChatGPT and Google.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: And we consulted our crackpot research team, and we found that this is the shortest chapter in the Harry Potter series.

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: So let’s see how long this episode will be. [laughs]

Laura: Like, six pages, right? Six and a half?

Andrew: Yeah. Hey, but that’s okay.

Laura: Yeah, it’s fine. What’s so funny about it is it is such a quick chapter, but a lot happens here. And we’re going to try and really capture some some of the big moments from this chapter because I would say there are three big items, but you could probably make an argument for four or five depending on how you want to break them up. But this chapter really picks up where we left off last time: The trio, Remus and Sirius, unconscious Snape, Crookshanks, Pettigrew are all exiting the tunnel that originates underneath the Whomping Willow. And there’s this one shining moment. Harry gets these glimmers of hope throughout the series – they don’t tend to last very long – and this is one of them. He has it officially confirmed – although he already knew – Sirius reminds him, “Hey, I’m your godfather,” and there’s this touching exchange the two of them have where Sirius is almost bashful, almost maybe embarrassed, a little bit apprehensive, afraid of what Harry is going to say. I imagine him shuffling his feet. It doesn’t say this in the chapter, but I’m imagining him shuffling his feet, avoiding eye contact and saying, “Hey, you know, I’m your godfather, and if you wanted to come live with me you can, but I totally understand it if you didn’t want to, totally get it if you want to stay with your aunt and uncle,” even though Sirius knows Harry’s aunt and uncle suck. He knows this.

Andrew: Yeah, it feels like a first date sort of thing almost.

Laura: It does! It really does.

Eric: Aww.

Andrew: “Does he like me? Does he not?”

Laura: Well, think about what these two have been through.

Eric: In such a short amount of time, because 20 minutes ago Harry wanted to murder this guy. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, I mean, Harry attacked him a couple chapters ago.

Eric: Yeah, but new circumstances. I feel like just the shock of Scabbers, who they’ve known for three years, being this man, this Peter Pettigrew, servant of Voldemort, and everything that’s happened, has shocked Harry into this position of “Anything is possible.” And the idea of Sirius being Harry’s godfather was so disgusting to Harry back when he thought he was a murderer, but now it’s this amazing out. It’s this amazing solution to all of Harry’s troubles at home. And I hate how hopeful it is because your heart, reading this, just soars for an instant. It’s so touching, and you’re like, “Harry is finally going to be with his people out of Hogwarts.”

Laura: Yeah. As a first time reader, you think that, right? But if you’ve read the whole series and you’re revisiting it like we are, what really makes this tragic is this could have never been because of the blood magic that provides protection to Harry.

Eric: Do you think Dumbledore wouldn’t have allowed it?

Laura: So, this was actually a question I wanted to kick off this discussion with. I have a “What if?”

[“What if?” sound effect plays]

Laura: What if Peter – or Scabbergrew – had not escaped and Sirius’s innocence had been provable? Would Dumbledore have been forced to explain Harry’s blood protection sooner?

Eric: [imitating Dumbledore] “Sorry, Harry. For reasons, you can’t go to Sirius.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: It’s interesting because currently… by Book 5, Grimmauld Place is set up with the Fidelius Charm, right? So that is as secure as the Potters were from Voldemort. So on the one hand, we’ve seen that fail and Voldemort got through it because they didn’t trust the right guy. But I feel like Grimmauld place is pretty secure. It might not be as good the magic as Dumbledore set up for Petunia and Vernon, but I feel like somebody could argue with Dumbledore that Grimmauld Place is the better place for Harry to be brought up, and he’ll just have to friggin’ cope.

Micah: Yeah, one thing that comes to mind is I don’t think that Harry needs to stay for long periods of time with the Dursleys, he just needs to return there.

Andrew: Yes.

Micah: We see that happen in other books, where… like the next one, he’s off to the Quidditch World Cup very early on in his stay at Privet Drive. So I think maybe he would have to take a little bit of a trip there, even if he didn’t want to, and I’m sure the Dursleys would be totally fine with that, too, by the way, Harry only staying for one night. And then he could go to live with Sirius.

Andrew: I don’t know if this ended up being canon or not, but I seem to remember that the deal was, like you’re saying, a check-in once a year to re-up your subscription, your commitment, and then that’s enough.

Laura: Yeah, they just had to welcome him into their home; “welcome” here being a very relative term.

Andrew: “Remember my last, Petunia.”

Laura; But this still means that Dumbledore has to explain something to Harry because otherwise, Harry is going to be like, “Why do I have to go back there ever?”

Eric: It does put Dumbledore in an uncomfortable position to explain more than I think he’d be willing to.

Laura: Well, it also exposes Harry to Kreacher in Book 3, as opposed to Book 5, and that could be a problem too.

Eric: Guess what? SPEW never happens because Hermione is introduced to Kreacher also.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Laura: Oh my God. I also want to ask, in this hypothetical, would the Ministry have even allowed Harry to live with Sirius? I’ve seen a couple of comments in the Discord calling out that from a legal perspective, it wouldn’t matter; Sirius could override anyone telling him no because he is appointed Godfather. But justice under the law is not a thing in the wizarding world. [laughs] And I wonder how long it would have taken for the Ministry to truly expunge Sirius’s record and absolve him of any wrongdoing. I mean, look at how hesitant they are to even acknowledge the possibility that Voldemort could still be out there. I just don’t see Fudge tipping his bowler cap, and saying, “Oh, well, I guess we screwed that one up. Sorry, Sirius. Go live with your godson.”

Eric: Well, it’s funny because you do get a scene of that in the “Other Minister” chapter. [laughs] “Oh, it turns out he was not who we thought he was.” But it really is… the thing that’s most hopeful about this scene, right, with Sirius and Harry, is that Fudge is right up at the castle, and it’s a short walk, and Pettigrew is in chains. And you’re like, “They’re just going to introduce him and it’s going to be a pre-“He’s back” moment of “He’s alive.” Fudge will see Pettigrew and all will be well, and you want that to be the case. But to your point, Laura, the Ministry isn’t great at reparations. The Ministry isn’t great at acknowledging they’ve really had this witch hunt, they’ve put all these children through the Dementor bubble this whole year for basically the wrong man. And there’s arguments to be made of “They couldn’t have known the difference,” but it’s interesting to see how much freedom Sirius really would get back and how quickly that freedom would be forthcoming.

Micah: The one thing I think that’s working for Fudge is that he was not in power when Sirius was initially arrested and taken off to Azkaban, so he could easily place blame on who was Minister at the time for botching the whole thing. I think we would see a pretty big coverup of sorts on the part of the Ministry if in fact this whole scenario played itself out in this way. But I’ve got to imagine, too, just the exposure of Grimmauld Place to the larger wizarding world would be problematic, similar to what you were saying earlier about Kreacher. Grimmauld Place becomes such a place of refuge for the Order, for it to have such common knowledge in terms of being this place that Harry Potter lives every summer before he goes back to school, I think would cause some more problems for them too.

Eric: They might still be able to keep it secret where Harry is living, like he’s a pretty big celebrity living in the heart of London. He’s in St. John’s Wood, but it’s like, okay, you can’t really know where it is. I think Harry would understand that there’s still protections around telling people where he lives.

Micah: It is funny, though, Laura, that you have listed here “For one shining moment…” because in my mind, it conjures up the Luther Vandross song “One Shining Moment” that plays at the end of every NCAA tournament.

Laura: [laughs] Yeah.

Micah: I don’t know if anybody on here has ever heard it before.

Eric: Nope, never heard it.

Micah: But I almost imagine Harry and Sirius looking up at Hogwarts like they do in the movie, and that’s playing it off in the background.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I thought it was because like, moon-shining moment, because the moon shines and then all goes to hell.

Laura: Yeah. It’s a double entendre, right?

Andrew: It’s whenever you want it to mean.

Laura: It’s metaphorically a shining moment for Harry, but they’re literally about to have a shining moment and it’s not going to go very well for them.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: The thing about this, what makes it so sad, too, for me, is that Harry immediately leaps on it. “Do you have a place? When can I move in?” I mean, kind of a nod Grimmauld Place there.

Micah: Well, it’s a 13-year-old’s reaction. He finally feels like he can purge himself of the Dursleys, so he’s super excited about it.

Andrew: Right.

Micah: But if we put on our adult hat for a second, are we cool with Harry going to live with some strange dude he’s only known for 20 minutes?

Andrew: Well, yeah. So Harry’s not thinking that through, but everybody around him who supports him, the other adults are likely in favor, and I guess that’s really all that matters. I think we also have to remember how this book began, when we were talking about the earliest chapters 18-19 weeks ago with what happened with Aunt Marge. You look at that versus what Sirius is offering, you can see why Harry is so excited about it.

Eric: The bar is so low with the Dursleys. Literally anybody he lives with is better than the Dursleys. And for me, Lily and James already did that vetting when they asked Sirius to be Harry’s godfather; that was the vote of “You’re competent and can do this.” Harry doesn’t need to do additional scrutinizing about this. Sirius at that time would quickly… when Harry says, “When can I move in?” Sirius smiles and it’s this amazing moment in this chapter, where it says, “For the first time, Harry saw the man that had been in the wedding photo of his parents,” the best man shining through, the smile broke through and he was young again. Sirius really would have been that dude, he would have been the same dude that that Lily and James trusted to protect and raise Harry, he would have been a good godparent.

Micah: I’m going to play a little bit of devil’s advocate because I’m not so sure. And we see moments of this over the course of the next several books: Is he seeing Harry or is he seeing James? And what truly was the effect of him spending 12 years in Azkaban? Lily and James giving a vote of confidence to a Sirius that was still their friend and Order member is very different than a vote of confidence to somebody who is just coming off an extremely traumatic experience of having spent 12 years in prison. So I’m not sure Sirius is the best person to care for Harry.

Laura: I feel like he would need a lot of support, for sure. Almost like he would need to depend heavily on the Weasleys to help him reintegrate into society.

Micah: We see how that goes in Order of the Phoenix.

Laura: Yeah, I know, I know.

Eric: Well, Molly gets possessive.

Laura: He and Molly butt heads.

Andrew: And it is just during the summer. In theory, Harry is going to have friends over, he’ll go stay with his friends for a week or two… there will be stuff to keep him busy that isn’t just sitting around with Sirius waiting for Sirius to make him breakfast.

Eric: Think of all the stories that Sirius could tell Harry about stuff about his parents, how they met, how they got along. These are things that never get to happen because when Harry is living at Sirius’s house, they’re all bogged down by plot stuff in Book 5. It really could have been a nice several months both after this book and after the fourth book that I think would have been a really big time to heal. And the whole “Sirius only sees James” is slander, and it’s unfair for Molly to throw that at Sirius when she does, and I don’t think it represents the full picture of the man that Sirius would have been at this moment if all had gone well.

Laura: Yeah, I think that’s a fair statement. I mean, all of the problems… and I agree they are problems; Sirius is socially and emotionally stunted, and it’s not his fault. Something horrible and traumatic happened to him. He spent the prime years of his young adulthood wrongfully imprisoned, and that is going to mess you up; there’s no way that it doesn’t. But I think that he would have been set on a very different trajectory had the events of this night played out differently. So I think Sirius would still have some work to do. I think the benefit is that Harry, because of his upbringing with the Dursleys, has been forced from a very young age to care for himself and to have a level of independence. So I don’t know that Sirius would have to play a parent role with Harry in a traditional sense, because he is so self sufficient. We’ll never know what would have happened, unfortunately.

Eric: We’ll never know. It’s just, for me reading this the first time, I still remember how much of a game changer it felt like it might be, because at this point we’ve had three books that are very formulaic as they start out: Harry is at home on Privet Drive. And the idea of Harry starting a book somewhere else had never occurred to me, so it’s just like, “Oh my God, are we going to get June/July with Sirius and Harry hanging out?” It’ll basically be like Harry hanging out in Diagon Alley in this book, but before and after every year, just like he’s free to roam about. He has all the answers to all his past and all this stuff. That’s what I wanted out of this living situation. I just felt that I had never considered that the books would stray so far from Harry starting and ending at Privet Drive, and of course, they don’t, but it was a really titillating possibility.

Laura: Yeah, somebody should write a fan fiction. Eric, there’s an idea for you. [laughs]

Eric: I’ll do it. I’ll do it. Yeah, I’ve got to finish the other one, but this one will be next.

Laura: Well, we’re going to get back into the reality of what happens in this chapter, which is much sadder than the alternate universe that we just imagined. But first, I just have to call out a quick Lol moment: As they’re leaving the tunnel, of course Snape is unconscious and Sirius is levitating his unconscious body, and Snape keeps bumping his head against the low ceiling of the passageway, and the text notes that “Harry had the impression Sirius was making no effort to prevent this.” [laughs]

Andrew: It is really funny because it’s so easy to imagine, too, his body just floating and scraping the ceiling. Poor Snape. I feel bad for Snape.

Micah: I can’t imagine why Alan Rickman didn’t agree to this in the films.

Andrew: You think he didn’t? Do you think they were thinking of doing it?

Micah: Well, they changed the entire dynamic of how the situation plays out and that’s probably worth discussing at some point, too, because it is not Sirius; it’s Snape that jumps in front of the trio to protect them in the film. So I wonder if that foresight of Alan Rickman knowing the importance of Snape’s character and his love of Lily, did they change that scene accordingly?

Andrew: I see.

Eric: I wonder.

Andrew: Well, they should MAX this. This would be a light moment for the TV show for sure to see.

Laura: Yeah, I agree.

Eric: It does show the level of I guess immaturity, though, that Sirius and Snape… yeah, they’ve never seen eye to eye, but Sirius is still getting those jabs in. He’s still physically harming Snape whenever he can. And yeah, Snape sucks, but come on, man.

Laura: Yeah. And he’s doing it to him in the secret passage to the Shrieking Shack, the same place where he tried to play another very nasty trick on him when they were in school together.

Eric: Yeah, too soon.

Laura: Well, back to this really unique parade of people we have moving across the Hogwarts grounds. As a reminder, Lupin and Ron are chained to Peter to keep him from escaping. I know we have some questions about this particular arrangement and why there weren’t maybe some more secure measures put in place, but I wanted to call out this moment as they’re moving across the grounds. At this point, there’s still cloud cover. The full moon is not visible. The moonlight isn’t hitting Remus. And as they emerge, Lupin threatens Peter; he’s pointing his wand at him and he just says, “One wrong move, Peter,” and he’s got the wand pointed at Peter’s chest. And I’m wondering, in this moment, is Lupin not necessarily threatening Peter beyond what has already been threatened, but is he realizing as he emerges into the night, “Oh my God, I didn’t take my potion tonight”? Is that awareness starting to set in for him?

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah.

Laura: And does he have this realization of, “Oh, I can’t do anything right now, but if the cloud cover clears, we’re screwed”?

Andrew: Yeah, which is also interesting that the moon has to be visible. If it’s a full moon, it’s a full moon; it shouldn’t be dependent on the weather.

Eric: No, you’re right there. That’s definitely a weird kind of janky thing.

Andrew: Yeah. Lupin should have been tracking this. He should be tracking it every month.

Eric: He needs an app, a moon cycles tracking app. Yeah. Let it go off.

Laura: You know, such things do exist for monthly tracking of other…

Eric: Cycles?

Andrew: Cycles.

Laura: … cycles, yes, exactly.

Andrew: Like, I bicycle, and I track that.

Laura: [laughs] But also, I mean, if we’re making that particular comparison – if you know, you know – you feel changes in your body when that time is coming up, and I have to imagine Lupin is going through a similar phase.

Eric: Well, absolutely. Absolutely.

Andrew: And also, you see the moon phases every night. It doesn’t pop out of nowhere. [laughs]

Eric: He could feel himself about to transform, he’s on edge… earlier in the year, he was looking more haggard as the moon approached. I get it that adrenaline has suppressed some of that awareness, but it wouldn’t really suppress it all, especially now that things have calmed down. Lupin should have had the awareness to not go out with them. Let him stay in the Shrieking Shack. He’s like, “You guys, I’m done. I should stay here.” Because unfortunately… obviously we have to blame Lupin here for it all getting derailed a little bit.

Laura: Yeah. I think, too, this just… I think it shows Lupin’s limitations in a way. When he’s presented with that degree of life-altering emotional upheaval, I think it’s very reasonable to say that anyone would lose sight of what’s going on around them. But again, he knew that he had to take his potion that day. He was waiting for his potion when he saw everything on the map.

Eric: And he’s been told twice that he didn’t… yeah.

Laura: It’s been brought up a couple of times, so it’s definitely a miss for him. But to Andrew’s question about it actually needing to be the light of the full moon to cause the transformation, I’m just wondering: If it has to be the light, if he were just covered head to toe with a cloak would he be okay?

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: How about with sunscreen? Moonscreen?

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: There’s the title.

Laura: Moonscreen, that’s the episode title.

Andrew: Where’s the moonscreen?

Eric: Oh my God.

Laura: No moon tan for Remus. [laughs]

Andrew: No, it is a good question. I guess we have to always set aside for the plot, for the story, but that is… I don’t know. It is hard to get past this whole… I guess just for dramatic effect, the moon needs to reveal itself and bathe you in moonlight.

Eric: It’s amazing. It’s very cinematically written how everything occurs. And it obviously… when it all goes to hell in the movie, it’s equally like, “Oh no.”

Micah: I don’t think a cloak would protect Lupin, particularly because we have to assume that if he was in the castle, there’s no moonlight shining through there, depending on what room he’s in. And so we could argue, then, if a cloak would protect him, that being in a dark dungeon somewhere would protect him as well.

Laura: Are we saying this is a plot hole?

Andrew: Yes.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: I think it’s a plot hole. Also, because is he fully transformed for the entire few days that the full moon is a full moon? Even during the daytime, is he transformed? Because the moon is still there and the moon is still full, even though the sun makes you not be able to see it. How does it all work? We don’t know.

Laura: I think so because he has to miss classes, and he also notes that when he takes the Wolfsbane Potion, it allows him to curl up as a normal wolf under his desk for a few days.

Eric: This is not new to Lupin. At this point, this habit is way in there.

Laura: I want to call out something that’s being mentioned in our Discord by Court about Lupin’s transformation and the the timing of it, and the needing to anticipate this transformation and the effects it’s going to have on his life. Court is saying, “On the real, this is such a relatable moment for chronic illness sufferers. There is this weird, almost subconscious resistance to taking or remembering meds sometimes that’s very common for us.” So I think that, Court, thank you for sharing that. It’s really great perspective, right? It makes sense that you would want to not have your entire life schedule defined by this thing, right? So it may be fair to point out that maybe we’re being too hard on Lupin here.

Andrew: Yeah, and I think taking the medicine on any sort of schedule is going to be an uncomfortable reminder of your reality.

Laura: Yeah, that’s a great callout. Thanks, Court.

Micah: It’s the heat of the moment, too, I think. Eric, you mentioned the adrenaline earlier; we have to remember what’s happening here. This is a major life-altering reveal for Lupin and everybody involved, and I think the last thing on his mind is that he might transform into a werewolf or that he should have taken his potion. No? For Lupin and for Sirius, this has to be top of the list in terms of major life moments up until this point.

Eric: Yeah, you’re absolutely right. And it is important to show that Lupin, our favorite teacher, and up to this point, can do no wrong… these are the types of weaknesses that he has talked about. Lupin has a soft spot when it comes to his friends breaking rules, and Lupin really can’t be everywhere at once and really can’t juggle truly everything that’s been put on him. And so it’s actually perfect that he fails so hard this time because he needed to have that flaw, I think. Otherwise, he would have been the perfect character – like, unrealistically perfect character.

Laura: I wanted to… before we move on here, Micah, I know you had a point. And maybe this is the big failure of the chapter more than anything about Pettigrew.

Micah: [laughs] You alluded to this a little bit earlier, but one of the things that jumped into mind for me was, why is Pettigrew not completely immobilized in some way? It’s taken so long to expose him, you would think that every measure possible would be taken by Lupin and Sirius to ensure that regardless of whatever may happen – and we know that something big is about to happen – that Pettigrew just can’t escape. Think of the condition Snape is in just a few feet away; something similar could be done here to Pettigrew.

Andrew: Or have him transform back into Scabbers so Ron can spend a little more time with his buddy before he never sees him again, and put him in a hamster wheel, a hamster ball, and that’s it. And have Ron hold him.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Well, yeah, but there’s Immobulus, there’s Petrificus Totalus, there’s Imperius. Don’t allow Peter the autonomy to perp walk him all the way up to the castle because he’s going to be looking for any out, and Lupin gets it; he even says to Peter, “One wrong move…” But don’t give him that option. The irony of this is that Snape, if he were awoke right now, if Snape came back to consciousness, he would have remembered about the potion and not let Lupin endanger them all by leaving the Shrieking Shack. And he would have been face to face with Peter. And we’ve talked on I think the previous week what that would look like, whether Peter would be allowed to leave the shack alive. But Snape would have helped with this whole situation, had he been… instead Sirius wants to keep bobbing his head on the cave thing, but they should have actually resuscitated Snape in that moment to better help Peter, or made Peter the same amount of unconsciousness that Snape was.

Laura: Well, as we established, Harry doesn’t get to bask in the glow of having a godfather that he can escape the Dursleys to go live with because Lupin is now basking in the glow of the moonlight. So we’re going to talk about the transformation: He is described as having gone rigid, his limbs began to shake, his head was lengthening and so was his body, his shoulders were hunching, hair was sprouting visibly on his face and hands, which were curling into clawed paws. This is actually a very frightening scene.

Micah: Totally.

Laura: I had forgotten the way this was described in the books.

Micah: And I would say mostly because it’s a total loss of control on the part of Lupin. You can tell now that he is nowhere close to the professor that we all know and love.

Laura: I thought we could speak for a moment about the movie. I did make a point of going back and watching the climax of Prisoner of Azkaban as we prepared to discuss these final chapters. How would we rate the werewolf transformation in the movie?

Andrew: Okay, first of all, I just want to say I would rate it 2003. It’s a different time, folks. Let’s be a little easier – or 2004 it came out, I guess. It was a different time. [laughs]

Micah: So what does that mean? Where are you going with that?

Andrew: I’m just saying go easy on it. The special effect abilities were at a different point.

Micah: Fair. I don’t know that I’m thinking as much along the lines of special effects. Maybe it’s just what he transformed into was not necessarily what I was expecting to see.

Andrew: Okay.

Micah: He almost looks a bit like a wet dog; that’s the image that sticks out in my mind. But again, also take into consideration the director in Alfonso Cuarón, kind of that Guillermo del Toro type of mindset that things… I don’t know. They’re not as sterile, not as clean.

Eric: Yeah, they’re not going to look like what you expect them to look like. He can still be a threatening werewolf, man-killing threat without looking like the most vicious beast you’ve ever seen. Like, the Grim in the movie looks as terrifying as the werewolf should look, and the werewolf looks almost defanged.

Andrew: When I look at stills from it right now of werewolf Lupin, I guess maybe – and I could be totally wrong – but maybe part of why they ended up where they did is just because they were trying to think about human elements that may have carried over too.

Micah: I think that’s right.

Eric: Yeah, I will say the design for Lupin in the movie does, I think, completely fit the personality of Lupin as somebody that’s been wounded and somebody that’s suffered their whole life. That wolf looks like it’s suffered its whole life. [laughs] So there is that element of it, but it’s not scary. And what’s weirder is that Hermione is able to do… this is what doesn’t work for me, is the whole meeting call. Or like, she howls like a female wolf and it works to distract Lupin because he’s what, he’s horny?

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Like, really? What are we supposed to get out of that? How it works in the movie that Lupin is distracted and runs off… there’s just so many questions that I have. That’s why the movie adaptation I think falls short for me. But the actual design of Lupin… even though I think it ultimately falls flat, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the concept of making him look more wounded or look more like an emaciated kind of wolf.

Micah: Yeah. And I would just add that I think we’ve all grown up probably seeing other depictions of werewolves through our childhood, whether it’s in stories that we read or on TV or in the movies. And so maybe we were coming in with a preconceived notion of what a werewolf should look like, and Alfonso says, “No, hold on. Actually, I’m going to show you what a werewolf is really supposed to look like.”

Eric: There’s still a spectrum. People in the Discord are bringing up American Werewolf in London, and that’s kind of the quintessential transformation scene where you see things that are described in this chapter of the book: hair length, fingers lengthening… actually, it’s mostly silhouette and done in a clever way. But that’s where the body horror aspect comes from it. And that’s not necessarily leaned into, but there’s definitely similarities in the two designs there.

Laura: Well, and I think, too, y’all are raising some good points about there being a spectrum, but also the preconceived notions… I think if we’re going into this story imagining the Universal Studios werewolf aesthetic, you’re going to be disappointed because that’s not what you get here. But if you look at literature, if you look at traditional depictions of werewolves, they do vary wildly. And I was actually surprised when I revisited the climax of Prisoner of Azkaban because in my memory – it had been so long since I saw it – I remembered feeling disappointed in not the transformation but the ultimate werewolf design, and then when I revisited it… sorry, I’m having mad acid reflux right now while we’re recording. [laughs] This is not good timing for it.

Micah: Are you transforming?

[Andrew gasps]

Laura: I hope not. Oh my God, is it a full moon?

Andrew: [laughs] Just stay in the shade and you’ll be fine.

Micah: Quick, grab your moon lotion. Your moonscreen.

Laura: So anyway, I think that what we get in Prisoner of Azkaban is actually not bad. I was surprised when I went back and saw it and realized actually, I think this aesthetic works for the movie. I think the thing that I don’t like is when he initially transforms and he seems like a weak, wounded puppy. Hermione tries to approach. Book Hermione would never.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Book Hermione knows. She knows all too well not to do that.

Eric: Hermione, a smart character, would never have…

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: She spent the whole year fearing, keeping the secret…

Laura: Right!

Eric: Yeah, she knows not… but that’s the thing, is making him more and more emaciated removes the threat that he’s supposed to pose. So it’s a balancing act that they have to be doing, and if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work.

Laura: I wanted to ask another question here about the transformation. It’s established in the last chapter that Lupin can be controlled by his friends in their Animagus forms, but Sirius does not have much luck here. Is it because Sirius is out of practice? Is it because Lupin hasn’t been exposed to his Animagus friends in quite some time?

Micah: I think that’s it. I think Lupin the 30-year-old is much harder to control than Lupin the 15-year-old. And to your point, Sirius is probably a bit out of practice; he’s been locked away for 12 years and he hasn’t had to contend in his Animagus form with what’s now a fully grown adult werewolf. I’ve got to imagine that it’s like getting back on a bike after not riding for ten years; you’re probably going to wobble a little bit at the start. And I think that’s what’s happening here.

Andrew: Yeah, it’s an intense and somewhat unpredictable moment. And maybe to some extent, Sirius is also thinking about, “Oh, this is my friend and I have to go after him again, I have to get him under control again.” I mean, I feel like I wouldn’t be all too focused in this moment, especially after all the time that’s passed, and you’re thinking about protecting the kids as well. So there’s just many factors at play in this moment.

Micah: And speaking of being emaciated, Sirius is not in peak physical condition here either, right? We know he’s stronger it seems in dog form, but he’s also not been probably eating well, he hasn’t been taking care of himself… he’s been locked away as we said, so his abilities here are not up to the level that they were when he was back in the school with Lupin.

Eric: And Zeanne in the Discord says, too, there was also Prongs. When Lupin is telling the story two chapters ago about how the big Animagus friends of his were able to keep him in line or keep him in check, that’s Sirius, who’s a big dog, but it’s also James the stag, also another big animal. So I don’t think Sirius alone would have been able to keep Lupin in check, even in peak form. But I think it was the lucky combination of Sirius and James, that I imagine flanked him on either side, that allowed them to safely go about on the Hogwarts grounds in close proximity to humans. They needed both of them, and probably to some extent Peter, to really just snap Lupin out of whatever the werewolf mindset is.

Micah: Yeah, but we do see Sirius immediately jump into action – and we talked a little bit about how the movie differs from this with Snape – but Sirius’s immediate reaction is to protect Harry and Hermione. And this is not all that dissimilar from his protection of others if we’re to go back to his time at Hogwarts when Lupin is transformed in the past. Now, Snape was an exception, in terms of him not choosing to protect him and play a trick on him, but to what was just discussed, Sirius and James very much protected others from Lupin in the past so maybe something in the back of Sirius’s mind kind of clicked when this happened, and he said, “Oh, I really have to stand in here and protect Harry and Hermione.”

Eric: And Sirius has something to live for now, and he’s going to fiercely try and… I mean, everyone is just shook this whole time and that’s why it all fails and goes to hell as nobody was expecting this. But Sirius really wants to fight for the… he’s quickly becoming his old self, to your point about he’s protected people before. Sirius, a heroic character, is going to jump in and really take the brunt of… you feel bad when the author describes his cuts and bruises on his dog body and he’s very weak, and then Harry calls and says, “Pettigrew’s getting away,” and then he immediately springs back to life. It’s very well written.

Laura: And we’ll get into Pettigrew’s escape here in a moment. Thank you all for vamping on that while I chugged a bunch of water to deal with my acid reflux. Kids, I gotta say, mid 30s plus coffee on an empty stomach, not a good combination if you have acid reflux. I’ve got to remind myself I’m not 20 anymore; I can’t do that.

Andrew: See, we educate in all kinds of ways here on this podcast.

Laura: I know, we really do. Very human. [laughs] Kyle in the Discord is like, “Getting old sucks.”

Eric: You could say that again.

Laura: It does. Yes, Court, the 30s hit hard. And then Jen, “Acid reflux is no joke.” I appreciate the the empathy here. But let’s talk about werewolves in literature quickly. Just for a little bit of background, some scholars believe the werewolf made its debut in the Epic of Gilgamesh, the oldest known Western prose, when Gilgamesh jilted a potential lover because she had turned her previous mate into a wolf. Werewolves made another early appearance in Greek mythology with the legend of Lycaon. I’m not sure the right pronunciation on that; someone check me. According to the legend, Lycaon, the son of Pelasgus, angered the god Zeus when he served him a meal made from the remains of a sacrificed boy. As punishment, the enraged Zeus turned Lycaon and his sons into wolves. Ouch.

Eric: Well, that explains, I think, where the author is coming from in trying to make werewolves, in this universe, a threat specifically to humans. Because that cannibalizing aspect lends itself to the threat that Lupin says, “I was definitely a threat to humans.” It means they’re hungry for them, hungry like the wolf [laughs] for human flesh, and that is a lot more terrifying than ever gets realistically depicted.

Laura: Yeah, it’s an interesting, I think, maybe comparison we can make to Fenrir Greyback, too, right? Because we know that he has an affinity for trying to turn kids when they’re young, and here we have this mythological connection to a character trying to serve a god the remains of a sacrificed child. Really messed up. And then just another quick connection here that I think we can all probably recognize, but it’s maybe not immediately apparent. We all grew up, I think, with the Disney version of Beauty and the Beast, but if you read the original text of Beauty and the Beast, the narrative does explicitly refer to the beast as a wolf multiple times. Let’s move into Peter and his escape. So Peter uses the chaos of Lupin’s transformation to retake his Animagus form and scurry away, so bye for now, Scabbergrew. Scabbergrew out until Chapter 1 of Goblet of Fire.

Andrew: We knew we couldn’t trust you.

Laura: He was their friend!

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, he was.

Laura: Harry doesn’t have long to worry about this, though. He immediately notices that Scabbers has taken off, but he also hears Sirius’s cries down at the lake, and Harry runs down there and finds that Sirius has collapsed. He’s with Hermione, by the way, at the edge of the lake, and is being surrounded by a hundred Dementors.

Micah: Only a hundred.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Just a hundred. No big deal, right?

Andrew: No.

Micah: This made me think, though, and I know we didn’t talk about how Peter attacks Ron, but Harry and Hermione are totally cool leaving Ron and Snape both helpless with a werewolf running around while they go and tend to Sirius.

Andrew: Yeah, I don’t know how I feel about this. And I was rereading it again this morning; they are getting him back towards the school, and I guess they might figure, “Well, we are close enough at this point – and it is a full moon out – for somebody to notice Ron laying here on the castle grounds.” [laughs] “Maybe somebody will notice while we go off.” And I’m not sure their priorities are right here, but Harry has just found out that his dear godfather is going to invite him to stay with him. He feels freshly connected to Sirius, they had this nice bonding moment, and now he could be in serious – pun not intended – danger. I don’t know. I think I see Harry’s reasoning here.

Micah: Yeah, I don’t disagree.

Andrew: And he’s like, “Oh, Ron has been in trouble before, he’s been fine. He survived.”

Micah: He’s with Snape. Snape will protect him.

Andrew: Yeah, he’s with Snape. He’s with passed out Snape.

Laura: Well, there’s also no good answer here, right?

Andrew: Right, that’s ultimately the thing.

Micah: I was going to connect the threads here a little bit maybe because this is another example of Harry carelessly running off to try and save Sirius, which we see in Order of the Phoenix.

Eric: Oh, that’s a good connection.

Laura: It’s a great connection.

Eric: But Harry, too, needs to protect at all costs his potential future. He wants out of the Dursleys, and Sirius is his ticket. And now that…

Andrew: “Sorry, Ron. I want a free summer. I want a better summer. I don’t care what happens to you.”

Laura: Harry wants his hot girl summer, okay?

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Hot girl summer.

Eric: More like grim boy summer. [laughs]

Laura: Oh, yeah. It’s unfortunate. Well, as Harry enters the fray with all these Dementors, Hermione by his side, he’s trying to evoke a Patronus using the happy thought that he’s going to go live with Sirius, Sirius is innocent, he’s not going to have to go back to the Dursleys, but Harry’s happy thought isn’t working. He’s barely able to conjure even a wispy Patronus. I was surprised. I’d forgotten about this, but at one point the lead Dementor – which is funny that there’s a lead Dementor…

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: That’s so funny.

Eric: That’s a good point, yeah.

Laura: … literally waves it aside, casts it aside with its scaly hand.

Eric: That’s so threatening. That’s so intimidating.

Laura: Isn’t it?

Andrew: The lead Dementor is just fan-girling over seeing the Chosen One and wants the first kiss.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: The more human that these non human entities behave like, the more terrifying it is. It’s the uncanny valley of like, “Really? You don’t have eyes, but you just saw that and waved it away like it was nothing?”

Laura: Well, why isn’t it working, though? Why isn’t Harry’s happy thought working here?

Micah: So my theory was just that it’s not a memory. Harry can’t use this particular thought inside of his head because it hasn’t actually happened, and there isn’t true happiness that he can draw from it.

Eric: That’s a great possibility for sure.

Andrew: I do like that, and it makes sense to me. But I was also thinking, if I were Harry watching what’s happening to Sirius, I would be trying to think about this happy thought, but in the back of my head, I’m like, “Oh my God, can you believe what’s happening right now? If his soul is sucked out, will I really be living with him?” It’s just such a stressful situation. And we know Harry can conquer these when he needs to, but I don’t know. In the back of my head, I would just be too distracted.

Eric: It is that. It’s really like when Harry didn’t have the fortitude to stop wanting to hear his parents’ voice, he couldn’t do the Patronus because part of him wanted or was distracted by the prospect of hearing his mom again. And so it’s this, but he’s distracted by worrying about Sirius and all that he’s about to lose. So yeah, he can’t have the fortitude that is needed to conjure it.

Micah: Is it similar, then, could we say to Order of the Phoenix when Voldemort tells Harry that you have to mean the Cruciatus Curse when he’s trying to use it on Bellatrix? It’s just, he’s so caught up in everything that’s happening right now that I don’t know that it’s not that he doesn’t mean Expecto Patronum, but he just doesn’t have the… there’s just too much that’s happening around him that he cannot focus on what he needs to do.

Eric: It’s not a strong enough pull, is what it comes down to.

Laura: Yeah. He doesn’t have it in him, I think, is the comparison you’re making, Micah. What is Harry’s most recent truly happy memory in this book? Winning Quidditch?

Andrew: Snape’s face scraping against the top of the tunnel?

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: I mean, if Harry chosen that, yeah.

Andrew: That would have worked.

Laura: Oh, Micah, you also had an important point about Hermione’s role in this moment, too, because she’s trying to cast a Patronus and she’s also not successful.

Micah: Right. And I think it’s really important that they show her passing out as well, because this has been such a Harry thing throughout the entire book that “Harry is the only one that’s impacted by the Dementors in this way.” But clearly, Hermione is affected in this moment as well.

Laura: Yeah, that’s a good call-out for sure. So now we’ve got Sirius and Hermione both passed out; they have both succumbed. Harry is the lone party acting as defense between them and these hundred Dementors. And in this moment, we finally get to see what’s under a Dementor’s hood, and it is horrifying. “Where there should have been eyes, there was only thin, gray scabbed skin, stretched blankly over empty sockets. But there was a mouth… a gaping, shapeless hole, sucking the air with the sound of a death rattle.”

Eric: So like The Grudge meets… what’s the one with…? Oculus. [laughs]

Laura: Right. Oh man, Oculus was such a good movie, by the way. Sidebar.

Eric: The thing is, yeah, it’s very tame almost by current horror standards. But in 2004, I think this was… and to all children everywhere, this is perfectly terrifying.

Laura: Yeah, it really… I mean, imagine seeing something like this in person.

Eric: Well, and knowing what it means. Knowing what it means that the only people who see this are about to lose everything that matters.

Laura: Yeah. And to that point, the lead Dementor, the chief Dementor, sheriff Dementor, whatever we want to call him…

Andrew: [laughs] Sheriff.

Laura: … is going after Harry first. He’s going to perform the Kiss on Harry. So first of all, clearly the Dementors do not discern, that much is clear, so why they were allowed to be at a school the entire year is an ongoing question I don’t think we’re ever going to have the answer to.

Andrew: It speaks to just how bad of a decision it was.

Micah: DumbleDip.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: That was an old episode too, I think. DumbleDip.

Andrew: Yeah, it rings a bell.

Micah: Is it Hagrid a little bit later on in this book that talks about how the Dementors just don’t, to your point, discern at all? They just feast, essentially.

Andrew: [in a spooky voice] Feast. Feat on my lips.

Eric: Well, and they’ve been kept starved, basically, which is a real issue of contention for them. But what I like about this… I’ve never thought about this before, but Sirius talking about how he was less affected by the Dementors when he was in dog form, shows how Pettigrew is able to get through a hundred Dementors. Because in animal form, they wouldn’t have the same effect on him either. So it’s not a plot hole. It’s the opposite of a plot hole; it’s reasonable that Pettigrew is long gone by now.

Laura: And I want to just connect a thread here quickly. Harry has had close contact with a Dementor prior to the events of Order of the Phoenix, only difference is in Order of the Phoenix, that encounter happens early in the book. In Prisoner of Azkaban, this one happens towards the end. But when all seems to be lost, a brightly lit animal gallops onto the scene and disperses the Dementors, saving Harry, Sirius, and Hermione, and in the distance he thinks he sees someone but he can’t quite believe it.

Andrew: [gasps] What?

Eric: It’s Dumbledore to the rescue!

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Dumbledore and his DumbleDip, which I’m now thinking about.

Micah: No, I mean, it’s hard to reflect back when we first read the book, but Dumbledore would be a good possibility here.

Andrew: Yeah, because where has he been? Oh, now he comes and… always there when you do need him at the last moment.

Laura: But why would Harry be like, “No, it can’t be” if it was just Dumbledore?

Eric: We just don’t know. There’s not enough information.

Laura: Yeah. I just want to call out here how disappointing this must have been for the Dementor.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: It’s like, chapter title “Dementor’s Kiss,” finally thinks it’s going to happen…

Eric: “I’m going to get kissed!” Never Been Kissed but it’s a Dementor.

Laura: [laughs] Somebody please use AI to recreate that movie poster but with a Dementor.

Eric: Instead of Drew Barrymore, yeah. And Freddie Prinze, Jr. is in the background.

Micah: What happens to them if they don’t get enough kisses?

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Micah: Do they just wither away to nothing?

Eric: Listen, they have a quota that they need to meet in order to survive.

Laura: Yeah, especially when they get to the end of the month and they haven’t hit those quotas. Sheriff Dementor is like, “You’ve got to go out and give more kisses.”

Eric: Warden Dementor is like, “You guys, the budget.” Yeah.

Laura: So yeah, no Dementor’s Kiss in this chapter.

Micah: Aww, bummer.

Laura: And that’s where we leave off. So I think now we can get into MVP of the week.


MVP of the Week


[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: I’m going to give it to the top of the tunnel for scraping up Snape…

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: … and Sirius being cool with it. Just all of that because it was funny.

Eric: I’m going to give it to Sirius not for his immaturity, but for taking the brunt of Lupin’s attack. Good for him.

Micah: I’ve got to give it to Crookshanks for being smart enough to peace out when [censored] gets real. Kitty knew. Kitty was like, “I see werewolf, I’m out of here.”

Andrew: Kitty knew. [laughs]

Laura: And I’m going to give it to Peter for the second time this book.

Eric: Ugh.

Laura: Listen, listen, he sucks, but he made another Trelawney prediction come true, so give it to him for that.

Eric: [laughs] Oh my God, Peter and Trelawney are linked cosmically.

[MVP of the Week music ends]

Laura: Do you think she slid him a few Galleons under the table?

Eric: [imitating Trelawney] “Can you make this happen?”

Laura: [laughs] At the Christmas feast, she was paying him off.

Andrew: If you have any feedback about today’s episode or any other episodes, you can send an owl to MuggleCast@gmail.com or use the contact form on MuggleCast.com. You can also send a voice message; just record it using the Voice Memo app on your phone and then email us that file, or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. Speaking of feedback, we have this email we’ve been wanting to get to for a couple of weeks. It’s from Luke the 11-year-old, and he said,

“Hey, y’all, this is extremely late, but I seem to be turning into a ‘When in doubt, email MuggleCast‘ type of person. So I reread Chamber of Secrets last night, and I was tripped up by something Tom said. The quote is, ‘Hagrid, trying to raise werewolf pups under his bed.’ So werewolves are only werewolves once a month, so is Hagrid raising children under his bed? Your big fan, Luke.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Luke, thank you for bringing this to our attention.

Micah: This is great.

Laura: Yeah, this is another kind of plot hole with the way werewolves are written in these books.

Eric: It raises a million questions.

Laura: It really does.

Eric: This could be another example of werewolves not being fleshed out in the right way at the time that that line was originally written.

Laura: I think so.

Micah: It just sounds like something Hagrid would do also.

Eric: Yeah. And then again, maybe Tom was exaggerating a little bit. Maybe it was a little bit of hyperbole. Maybe the first thing that came to mind was werewolf cubs, and his baby Acromantulas are not the same thing as… I think that it could have been a little exaggeration on Tom Riddle’s part because he was recalling back 50 years ago at that point.

Micah: Oh, he’s trying to paint the picture of Hagrid into being this degenerate of sorts.

Eric: Yeah, or just reckless with dangerous creatures.

Laura: Yeah, but I feel like we also know Tom/Voldemort to be really knowledgeable. Usually when he’s speaking about things in the wizarding world, it’s through a really messed-up lens, but he’s not infactual. [laughs] So it’s interesting and it raises a question about is lycanthropy genetic? Is it hereditary? I don’t think it can be, because Teddy Lupin isn’t a werewolf or part werewolf, right? So if these are cubs, that implies they’re babies. So were they born werewolves? I don’t know how that works.

Eric: Well, maybe if a witch was transformed into a werewolf and gave birth while she was transformed, you could get cubs. But again, are they children most of the month? Luke has really cracked into something here.

Micah: I’m also wondering, how long has Luke been an 11 year old? Because I feel like we’ve heard from him a couple of times now at this point.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Well, I think some people catch onto y’all, pick up the thread that you guys see “11” or “12 years old” and the emails move up the priority list. [laughs] Maybe Luke caught on.

Eric: Whoa, whoa. Nobody said anything about that. Don’t give people a MuggleCast hack here. It’s true, we’ve heard from 13- and 14-year-olds more often in the last three months.

Andrew: Oh, yeah. We love all the feedback.

Laura: No, I love it.

Andrew: Well, thank you, Luke, for that. Next week we won’t do the Time-Turner chapter because we will actually be off – it’s a holiday here in America – but we will be releasing an episode. We’re going to release the live MuggleCast from LeakyCon that Micah, Eric, and Chloé did. somebody else was on the panel. Was it Melissa? Who was…?

Eric: Melissa joined us.

Micah: Melissa was for a bit.

Eric: But also, listeners in the audience. We did a lot of audience participation games; we brought back Make the Connection and Dueling Club, as well as playing a game called “Is MuggleCast older than…?” which was a lot of fun.

Andrew: Oh, fun. Because it was our birthday weekend when you guys recorded that.

Micah: It was. We gave away some prizes.

Andrew: So stay tuned for that next week, and then we’ll resume Chapter by Chapter most likely the week after that. And now it’s time for Quizzitch.


Quizzitch


[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question, who leads the group first out of the Shrieking Shack? The correct answer is Crookshanks, of course.

Micah: My MVP.

Eric: Yeah, your MVP. Somebody going by Lupin’s abandoned Wolfsbane Potion, insert wizard facepalm emoji, has answered, “His Royal Highness King Crookshanks, the first, the last, and the only.”

Laura: [laughs] First of his name.

Andrew: Beautiful.

Eric: Yeah, a little bit of eccentricity on both ends of that form. [laughs] But here were the additional winners: Nuggets for Norbert; Otto the Hall of Fame orange; Pillsbury Dumbledore-dough; Potter’s plotters; Remus more like dumbass…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: … Take your vitamins, Wolfy McWolfson; Elizabeth K.; Grant Chapman; Hollow Wolf; Defend Dumbledore; Buff daddy; Am I the Swedish version of Eric’s cat, Marta? Oh, yeah, probably. [laughs] And others. Also, somebody asked, “Do Lupin and Madam Pomfrey give out milk chocolate or dark chocolate? I need to know this.” I don’t know. We don’t know. Maybe that’ll be another Quizzitch question. But here is next week’s real Quizzitch question: How old was Sirius Black when he played the trick on Snape with Lupin? The answer to this question can be found in the next chapter, which, as Andrew said, we will be getting to not next week.

Micah: So you’ve got two weeks to get this one right.

Eric: That’s exactly it. Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or go to MuggleCast.com and click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: If you’re an Apple Podcasts user and you haven’t supported us on Patreon, why not right within Apple Podcasts? For just $2.99 a month, you can receive ad-free and early access to MuggleCast right within the Apple Podcasts app. Patreon does offer more benefits, including bonus MuggleCast, but maybe you just prefer to use your Apple account; that’s fine. And just like on Patreon, we’ve got a free trial and an annual subscription, which can actually help you save a little bit of money. And of course, I mentioned Patreon: Patreon.com/MuggleCast. Your support, no matter where you support us, it really does help us run the show, so thank you, everybody. And if you’re a Spotify user, tap into the show and you’ll see a Patreon banner right there now, and you can actually connect your Patreon account to Spotify and then get all of our exclusive Patreon benefits right within Spotify, which is really great. So definitely check that out too. If you enjoy MuggleCast and think other Muggles would too, tell a friend about the show. And we would also appreciate if you left a review in your favorite podcast app. And last but not least, don’t forget to follow us on social media. Our username is @MuggleCast everywhere: Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, Threads, which we’re still sticking with for now.

Micah: And one final announcement because I know that this Friday is September 1, so I just want to wish everybody a happy Back to Hogwarts. Choo-choo.

Andrew: Choo-choo, yes!

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Happy Back to Hogwarts. [emotionally] Another year about to start. Another summer gone. [laughs]

Laura: What are we all about to be? We’re going to be 20th years or something like that if we were going back to Hogwarts. [laughs]

Andrew: 19 or 20, yep. All right, well, thanks, everybody for listening. Have a great year at Hogwarts. Your Harry Potter friends will still be here talking about the books in the year ahead. I’m acting like we’re actually going to school. [laughs] Thanks, everybody for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everyone.

Laura: Bye, y’all.

Micah: Choo-choo.

Transcript #623

 

MuggleCast 623 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #623, Double Double-Crosser (POA Chapter 19, The Servant of Lord Voldemort)



Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And this week, get ready to cast your best Revelio, because we’re going to turn a rat into a human traitor.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: This is a big chapter. It’s a big info dump chapter, too.

Eric: Indeed.

Andrew: Still much to discuss. But first, gang, we have another announcement. We’ve just been dropping announcements left and right this summer, I feel. Busy times at MuggleCast.

Micah: Oh, thanks, Andrew.

Andrew: Last year…

Micah: Oh, I thought you’re going to say happy birthday.

Andrew: Oh, that’s not in our doc. I mean, if you want to add your own birthday announcement.

Eric: Yeah, that’s nowhere here. We don’t have anything about that here.

Andrew: Happy belated birthday, Micah. How was your birthday?

Micah: It was great, thanks so much for asking.

Eric: Micah, we made you a cake, Chloé and I, earlier this month.

Micah: You did. I did want to say, though, the thought that went into that at LeakyCon was very much appreciated.

Eric: I needed something we could easily convert into the pink Harry Hagrid birthday cake, and that one was already already mostly pink, so I just had to get a little bit of icing and writing.

Micah: Yeah, there was additional work that Eric and Chloé did on top of just getting the cake itself, so I really appreciate that.

Andrew: Awesome.

Eric: Yeah, we sang happy birthday and that video is on our story.

Laura: It was very sweet.

Andrew: Yes, it was. That was the additional work that went into your birthday this year, Micah. There was no video message from the three of us.

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Micah: I was going to say, I was expecting Dan Fogler to jump out at some point.

Andrew: Oh, plus, I mean, that’s worth five birthdays, I think. [laughs]

Micah: It really was.

Eric: We’ll just repost that to socials. That’ll be great.

Andrew: Yeah, why not? Why not? It’s evergreen.

Micah: But please, continue with your announcements.

Andrew: So last year, we introduced the MuggleCast Collector’s Club. This is a five-year club program, and each year between now and 2026, we’re sending four to five exclusive brand new stickers that celebrate the show’s past and present. And we’re also giving you this beautiful – seriously beautiful – Collector’s Club card, in which you can place the stickers. So think of State Quarter Program when we were kids; you pop the quarters into the map, it was really cool. Basically very similar to that. So we unveiled, of course, the year one stickers with last year’s announcement, and now we are ready to share year two’s stickers, and I thought we could take turns sharing brief details about each sticker. So I’ll just go first. We’re going to send everybody a Chicken Soup for the MuggleCast Soul sticker. This one… again, really clever art we did this year. We’ve got little souls floating out of MuggleCast soul can.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: Sticker two is – this really takes it back – my first iPod version, I think it was fifth generation scroll wheel iPod, with MuggleCast pulled up and little headphones coming out of it. Nice little icon there of how it may have looked if you, like many are saying, have listened to us on that old, ancient technology.

Micah: We also have an iconic Hogwarts on fire sticker, which is just fully representative of the fact that Hogwarts is a security nightmare. And this may be one of my favorites. Initially I didn’t know, was it from Deathly Hallows – Part 2? But no, it is…

Andrew: Oh, that’s a good point.

Micah: Maybe it serves both.

Andrew: Yeah, it’s whatever you want it to be.

Laura: I feel like it’s evergreen. Hogwarts is always on fire, physically or metaphorically.

Micah: [laughs] In some respect. It’s a great point.

Laura: The next one we have is the Union Jack flag with “British joke” in the center. This is paying homage to OG MuggleCast host Jamie, who was the one Brit on our panel, and he used to tell a British joke of the week. Highly recommend going back and listening to some of those earlier episodes if you want to get a taste of what Jamie’s hosting was like, and what it was like to actually have a British person on a Harry Potter podcast.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: I was thinking about that. We had some some authenticity there a while ago.

Laura: We did.

Micah: I was trying to think if his jokes would be 2023 appropriate, but his jokes were usually pretty corny, from what I remember.

Laura: Yeah, they were dad jokes. That’s honestly…

Micah: Which is appropriate for him now, since he is a dad.

Andrew: And then the fifth sticker is actually a tier-based exclusive. So if you’re a Dumbledore’s Army patron, you’re going to get a sticker with Dumbledore and two characters behind him and it says the DA, and that’s a sticker just for $5 patrons. And then the Slug Club patrons are going to receive a Slug Club sticker, and this one has two slugs, clinking glasses, champagne glasses. They are slugs in a club. We took it pretty literally.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: This is the cutest design I’ve ever seen.

Andrew: It is, it is. So that’s a fun twist we’re trying this year, doing these tier-based exclusives, and we’ve got a couple other ideas for some surprises in the years ahead. So those are the stickers, the year two stickers as part of the MuggleCast Collector’s Club. This is the only year you can get these stickers; you have to remain pledged each year to receive all of the stickers. Year one stickers are no longer available. That said, we will have these blanks, blank stickers if you will, that have stars on them to help everybody fill out the Collector’s Club card at the end. We don’t want to leave people hanging. But to get these specific exclusive designs, you’ve got to stay pledged throughout the entirety of the MuggleCast Collector’s Club. So pledge at the $5 or $10 level by September 22 to receive this year’s stickers and club card; you can still get a club card. So this is just one of many benefits that you receive as a patron, and we’re really excited to be doing this. This is a really fun long-term program benefit, and can’t wait to see everybody’s club cards by the end of it. Yes, we are basically confirming we intend to still be around in 2026.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Spoilers.

Andrew: If we end early, I don’t know. Just burn your club card or something. [laughs]


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: All right, it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Chapter 19 of Prisoner of Azkaban, “The Servant of Lord Voldemort,” a.k.a. the info dump chapter. So we’ll start as always with our seven-word summary.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Andrew: Pettigrew…

Laura: … begs…

Micah: … Harry…

Eric: … for…

Andrew: … forgiveness…

Laura: … for…

Micah: [sinisterly] … murder.

Andrew: Well done. I like it.

[Seven-Word Summary music ends]


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Andrew: So this really is a continuation of the last chapter and the chapter before that; it’s just one big scene. The events are still unfolding in the Shrieking Shack. However, please welcome to the stage, Severus Snape – he has now joined all the fun. Dumbledore is still nowhere to be found, and I will circle back on that by the end of today’s discussion.

Micah: What’s his intro music, though? I feel like if he’s coming to the stage, he needs entrance music.

[Eric hums “Get Ready for This”]

Andrew: Something from my Slytherin playlist. Maybe “It’s Not Easy Being Green.” Snape found out where everyone was after checking in on Lupin and finding the Marauder’s Map open and activated in his office. Now, I think we have uncovered a bit of a mistake by the Marauders. Where is the map’s auto-lock feature, like what our smartphones have? You would think something that is so hard to open up should also be automatically shutting down after so much time, right?

Laura: Yeah, I would think so, especially since we know that it is able to detect certain people trying to access the map; think about earlier in the book when Snape was trying to get access and it insulted him. So you would think that it would have the ability to go into sleep mode or something after a minute or so.

Eric: Well, the Weasley twins were very clear in their instruction to Harry: “You have to wipe the map, you have to say ‘Mischief Managed,’ otherwise anybody else…” They understand. They understand the risk. But Lupin, who… yeah.

Micah: And we don’t know what the amount of time was between Lupin leaving his office and Snape coming to his office. So if Lupin just happened to forget and ran out quickly, and Snape shows up within five minutes or so… even ten minutes, I don’t know.

Andrew: Well, I’ll tell everybody, I have my auto-lock on my phone set to 30 seconds. I do not let my phone stay open for long at all. [laughs]

Laura: Wow.

Eric: It saves battery life.

Laura: It does.

Andrew: Yeah, exactly. I see some people throw their phones in their bag after using it without locking it; I’m like, “What are you doing? What are you doing? Stop that.”

Laura: Should be a habit. But Andrew, I do find it curious that you have yours set to 30 seconds. Mine’s set to 60. I feel like that’s reasonable, but I don’t know. I feel like I’m learning some new level of paranoia about you.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: What, do you think I’m hiding something? I’m not hiding anything.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Okay, you know what, Laura, I’ll take your… I just switched to one minute. I will see how that goes for me.

Laura: Okay.

Andrew: I’m also just so used to locking it, it doesn’t even matter.

Laura: Yeah, I do the same thing. I’m just giving you a hard time.

Micah: You need to add Laura as a secondary facial recognition so that she can access your phone whenever.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: [laughs] Why? Why do I want her accessing my…?

Laura: You never know.

Andrew: Never know what?

[Laura laughs]

Eric: The real question I have is just all of the carelessness that Lupin displays regarding his condition in this chapter. It’s one thing… so he sees what’s going on in the grounds. He runs out with the map just open on his desk. Okay, we can forgive that. But why hasn’t he been to take his potion yet? And Snape, who is arriving with the potion because he has not taken it yet, also just does not take it with him when he sees where Lupin is going. He does not bring it down there so that Lupin can have it; he probably just sets it on Lupin’s desk and grabs the map and runs down. Like, thanks for nothing, Snape.

Micah: In fairness to Snape, let’s think about this in a similar fashion to how Lupin reacts to what he sees on the map. So if Snape sees Sirius Black on the map, you’ve got to imagine he’s going to react very quickly and run out of the room after them, so it’s certainly possible that he forgot the potion. And I agree that this whole situation is very convenient, because the potion isn’t even brought up for the remainder of the chapter. It’s mentioned when Snape initially arrives in the Shrieking Shack, but then we hear nothing about it, so it’s almost like the author wants us to forget that Lupin needs to take this potion because something is about to go down.

Eric: [laughs] Well, it’s dangerous given the last time Snape was in the Shrieking Shack or getting close to the Shrieking Shack… the idea that by not bringing him the potion, he’s essentially going to be faced at some point this evening with a fully grown werewolf, which, we’ve just finished reading in the last chapter, are extreme dangers to humans. So Snape is putting everyone in risk by not bringing that Wolfsbane Potion down with him. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

Andrew: Isn’t it worrying? I mean, it is just very worrying that he had forgotten to take the potion. That seems like a major security issue right there. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, by now you’ve formed the habit.

Andrew: Right. I know stuff’s going down around town right now, but still, you’ve got to remember.

Micah: Do we know with 100% certainty that Snape doesn’t have the potion on him? Remember, he gets knocked out, so he could have it inside of his cloak.

Eric: I seem to remember it being a smoking goblet when Harry sees it be delivered a few chapters back, so it doesn’t seem transportable necessarily.

Andrew: So Snape has joined, and he’s in full prosecute mode. He is raging, and any “Snape is good” points being earned initially by appearing to be team Dumbledore – which I’m sure for the trio is interesting and refreshing to see – those points quickly evaporate when the trio asks Snape to consider Lupin and Sirius’s story of what’s going on with Scabbergrew, and Snape just absolutely refuses to hear it. He doesn’t want to hear a peep about this and certainly not from the students. And Lupin is urgent in his tone, it says. Though it did cross my mind, you would think maybe there would be a bit of a rapport or trust at this point between Lupin and Snape since Snape has been making this potion for Lupin, but in Lupin’s words, and he knows exactly what’s going on, Snape is just holding this schoolboy grudge still.

Micah: Yeah. And it’s interesting to compare and contrast how Snape treats Hermione in this moment when she is trying to be a little bit more rational in her thinking and ask some questions, versus how Lupin treated her just a couple chapters ago, even when she was prodding him pretty harshly. And you can see the different teaching styles that Lupin has versus how Snape… just his behavior is… the moment is clearly overwhelming him to the point where he’s not even willing to show any level of respect for Hermione. I mean, he gets pretty nasty with her.

Eric: Oh yeah, he says, “Don’t talk about things you don’t possibly understand,” etc., etc. Yeah, like Andrew said, it’s prosecute mode. He’s not listening to any further evidence. But crucially, as we said, maybe the whole reason for the previous chapter was to establish that Snape really hasn’t heard anything about Peter Pettigrew. The only thing that happens while Snape remains conscious in this chapter is Sirius looking over and going, “But the rat,” and there’s no real payoff to “You need to understand, Peter Pettigrew walks among us,” all this stuff. All that talk about Peter Pettigrew has been cleverly placed out of Snape’s earshot, so he’s coming in. And the other reason for heightened emotions is that he believes Sirius is responsible for betraying the Potters, which ended in Lily’s death, so I think this is more like finally confronting the person that… Snape clearly blames himself to some extent for the death of the Potters, but it’s Sirius who was supposed to be the additional failsafe that failed. And so this whole “Straight to the Dementors, I think two kisses,” is really just Snape acting out his self-hatred and redirecting it toward the people in this room.

Laura: Yeah, I agree. And I think there’s some threads that we can connect around the irrationality that Snape is exhibiting in this moment. Some of it is because he doesn’t have all the information. Some of it is, of course, because he’s too close to this, right? He’s face to face with his school age bully, who he feels is partially responsible for the death of the woman he loves. But we can connect this to the way that Harry reacts to Snape and sometimes even Draco, just being utterly convinced that they are the perpetrators of the various goings-on at Hogwarts and in the wizarding world, only to be proven wrong. Usually Hermione is the one who attempts to fill those gaps for him and he is very dismissive of her, maybe not in as mean of a way as Snape is in this scene, but it’s just funny to see Snape acting in a way that we’re going to see Harry acting throughout the rest of the series at points.

Eric: That comparison hurts.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: But Snape at least gets a little bit even worse when he’s with Fudge later. Let’s come back to this and see if there’s a Harry comparison for that behavior later.

Laura: Yeah, I don’t know if there’s one for that.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: I think it’s on a spectrum, right? It’s shades of this behavior.

Andrew: So Snape is chomping at the bit to take Sirius to the Dementors. “Punish a Marauder? Yes please, I am all for this, and Dumbledore is not here to curb me.” And Laura, you just mentioned this – and I know, Micah, you wanted to bring this up too – Snape is looking at the man he believes is responsible for Lily’s death.

Micah: Yeah, I think this has to be emotional overload for Snape in a lot of ways, coming into this room. Seeing Lupin, who he’s had suspicions about for the entire year, potentially aiding Sirius. Sirius is there. He believes Sirius directly responsible, as has been brought up, for Lily’s death, the woman that he cared for probably more than anybody else in his entire life. And so having that context – and I think, Andrew, you put a point in here about that – is very interesting, because when we first read through this series, I don’t know that we’re necessarily looking at it through that lens of Snape’s love for Lily coming into play. And as I mentioned earlier, it’s emotional overload for Snape. I think we have to be fair to him, at least in this moment, because there isn’t a reason to doubt that Lupin was helping Sirius. Here they are standing in the Shrieking Shack together.

Eric: Side by side.

Andrew: Yeah, it’s a good point. And it is really fascinating to reread this with that context. I do wonder if Sirius or Lupin may have suspected themselves that Snape had feelings for Lily, because sometimes you just have a feeling. Sometimes you can see it in their eyes.

Eric: Yeah, I think they would have been highly aware, because Lily would have been publicly seen with Snape for the first probably at least five years of their Hogwarts schooling, based on Snape’s worst memory being the moment that he truly loses Lily by calling her “Mudblood” in public and she walks away. I feel like it would have been well known, actually, that… but it’s not brought up, and this is so crazy to me because this chapter is so detailed and so dense. But there’s this entire other layer of Snape loving Lily, and also Snape being the one that actually gave the prophecy to Voldemort. So there’s nothing about the prophecy sparking Voldemort to go find the Potters; none of that’s in here either. There’s just so many layers to what happened and what caused the Potters’ deaths that you read this early book, and sure, everything in here is correct and interesting, but there’s so much more left to go and you’re just like, “Wow, how does this all play out?” Reasonably, Snape could also be blaming himself. Well, the prophecy and who went to the Potters, it’s unclear what the Marauders know about Dumbledore getting that prophecy and who relayed it to them. If they knew Snape was the one that gave the prophecy to Voldemort, there would just be a murder right now. [laughs] This chapter could not go on.

Laura: I think it’s also interesting because it adds a whole new layer to this moment that happens in this chapter where Snape has his wand between Sirius’s eyes, and he begs him for an excuse to do it. I think in the moment, as an early reader of the series, you’re intended to believe that this is purely because of the schoolboy grudge that he still holds against Sirius, but there’s also that added layer of what he believes Sirius to be responsible for with regard to Lily’s death.

Eric: Yeah, the only person he hates more than Sirius is probably himself.

Micah: Ooh, that’s deep. This also made me think a little bit in terms of connecting the threads, with Snape playing such a pivotal role in the reveal of Sirius in this moment. We also know that Snape is tasked with carrying a message in Order of the Phoenix back to the Order that Harry believes that Sirius is in fact in a lot of trouble, right? And I’m thinking on the spot here, but there’s definitely threads that can be connected between those two moments.

Andrew: Well, so moving along here, with their backs against the wall, Harry, Ron, and Hermione all try to disarm Snape at once, and they knock him out. Harry gives him the ol’ Expelliarmus, of course, and Hermione has a “We’re going to be in so much trouble” thought. And I just wanted to acknowledge that we can add an extra point here for the “Oh my God, we’re totally going to be expelled” count that I presented a while back.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Remember in the first couple books, especially, they were constantly thinking they were going to be kicked out of Hogwarts.

Laura: Do they get to a point where they realize they’re not going to be kicked out of Hogwarts? I feel like throughout the books they continue doing stuff like this, but the mentions of “We’re going to be expelled, we’re going to be kicked out” seem to decrease over time.

Micah: They just have a hall pass, don’t they?

Laura: Yeah, and I think they know it. I think that’s the thing.

Andrew: But they’re justified. They have reason.

Laura: Yeah, of course, and they also know Dumbledore is going to be like, “Ahh, kids will be kids.”

Andrew: “Eh, whatever.”

Micah: It is cool that all three of the trio fire at Snape at the same time, without even any coordination. They just do it.

Eric: That’s crazy, yeah.

Andrew: Does that speak to how well they already jibe?

Micah: I think so. And one thing that came to mind for me was Hermione in particular is really now starting to question authority. She’s starting to challenge authority in a way that we haven’t seen throughout the first couple of books. I think she’s been very much believing in the Ministry and believing in Hogwarts as an institution, and here she is, end of the third book, casting a spell against a professor. That’s a pretty big 180 for her.

Laura: Yeah, and a great connecting moment to Order of the Phoenix, right? Which is I think… obviously we see themes of Hermione pushing back against authority in Goblet of Fire, but where we really see it come to fruition is Order of the Phoenix.

Andrew: So yeah, the trio are not punished for this…

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: … and their reasoning for disabling him is sound, of course, but they still did attack a teacher. It seems like a very, very, very, very bad thing to do that should have some serious punishment associated with it no matter the circumstances. Should they have least received a talking-to from Dumbledore? [imitates Dumbledore] “Well, maybe next time let the adults do it. Sirius did offer, didn’t he?”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Well, Sirius does offer. I wonder what Sirius has up his sleeve. He says, “Harry, you should have let me handle it.” Sirius wasn’t exactly in a great position either.

Andrew: Right, I’m not convinced Sirius would have gotten the job done, but at least you’re still letting the adult do it. [laughs] It wasn’t a student.

Laura: Yeah, but they’re also in the time loop at this point, right? So it’s imperative that everything play out exactly as it was intended to, and I think Dumbledore knows that, so what’s the point of giving them a talking-to about something that had to happen in that exact order?

Micah: And in fairness to Snape – never thought I would say those words – he’s trying to protect Harry, Ron, and Hermione in as much as he is bringing up old school grudges with Sirius. I mean, he believes that Lupin and Sirius are threats to Harry, Ron, and Hermione in that moment, right? He takes Lupin out of the equation and then just is one on one with Sirius. And I think that we need to remember what Dumbledore has tasked Snape with throughout most of the series and that’s the protection of Harry. Maybe that is subconsciously part of the reason why he runs out after seeing Sirius on the map, because he knows… from all he knows, Sirius does want to kill Harry. In defense of Severus Snape.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Well, that’s why it’s crucial that he’s missing this information and he’s in a non-listening mode about Peter Pettigrew. But there is an element, too, where you cannot blame him for assuming what he does here because nobody has said, “Pettigrew is still alive,” because there would be a convincing argument. You could reason it this way and say, “Lily is dead because of Peter and he’s right here,” and then Peter would be the one not leaving the Shack. I was trying to think when it is that Snape learns that Peter really was alive in here, presuming tonight he is set right by Dumbledore. But Snape also isn’t there when Wormtail revives Voldemort next year in the cemetery, so when Snape eventually does lock eyes with Peter in human form, there’s probably bound to be daggers, maybe sometime during Book 5.

Micah: Why doesn’t he want to kill Pettigrew? If we’re talking about the fact that Pettigrew is responsible for Lily’s death, you would think that Snape would definitely not let him move in and be roommates in Half-Blood Prince like he does. [laughs] Yeah, that can’t be a great living situation for the two of them.

Andrew: So real quick, I wanted to do a little “What if?” mini game here. What if the trio did not knock out Snape? Let’s say he put up a protective shield. He saw them coming at him, put up the shield, and stopped them. How would it have played out next?

[“What if?” sound effect plays]

Laura: I still wonder if Snape would have tried to take the route of sedating Sirius and Remus so that he could hand deliver them. I feel like he really wanted that Order of Merlin, first class. He wanted the glory, right? We see later on in this book how much he revels in that moment, right? So I wonder if he still would have tried to do it. He might have failed.

Andrew: I would have expected a really great duel between Sirius, Lupin, and Snape that brought down the shack, and the trio have to run for cover or something.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: That would be awesome.

Laura: Bringing down the house.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Well, especially when you consider that Snape is so good at nonverbal spells and things. It’s just real next level.

Andrew: And he’s just so mad right now. He’s been wanting to take revenge out on Sirius and Lupin for the longest time, and now’s his chance.

Eric: Well, his line “Give me a reason” to Black. The Unforgivable Curses are on the table in this moment. He could give him the Killing Curse, and he would be able to use it. He’s one of the few teachers we see… well, he does use it eventually.

Andrew: For all of Snape’s problems, I wonder if he is the type of person to use one of those in front of students. I mean, it’s special circumstances; he’s concerned about Sirius. But still, in front of kids?

Eric: Well, it shut Sirius down.

Micah: But we know he’s willing to call the Dementors as well. And I wonder if Harry would have tried to dispel them when they show up, to prevent them from… like he does later on in the book.

Eric: I think he would have had to subdue the kids too. So if he himself is not subdued, you have these kids shouting for him to listen, and things are going crazy, and he would have put each of the children… either petrified them or something – or not petrified but Petrificus Totalus them or something – to get them to basically not resist, and then he would have gone off and done the thing.

Andrew: All right. I love these little mind game scenarios played out in our heads.

Eric: We should do one every episode. That was fun.

Andrew: Yeah, it is fun to think about.

[Ad break]

Andrew: So moving along here, Snape is out of commission. And Sirius finally gets to explain how he realized that Pettigrew was hiding as Ron’s rat: He saw the family photo of the Weasleys in the Daily Prophet that Fudge had given him while he was in Azkaban, which is just so nice of Fudge, and he recognized him at once because of all the times he had seen him transform, and of course he saw the missing toe. “A finger!”

Eric: This is so classic. It is so utterly… all the pieces that have been littered throughout the book in the story so far now put together, come together, what does it all mean? Unbelievable. Just masterful. Amazing.

Micah: Hey, I’m just impressed with Sirius’s ability to notice a missing toe on a rat in a photo in a newspaper. I mean, that is…

Andrew: Right. [laughs]

Eric: In the dark. In the dark in a cell in Azkaban.

Micah: Impressive.

Andrew: I mean, if I’m playing devil’s advocate, if I’m thinking about the Daily Prophets in the movies, those are some pretty sharp pictures they had printed.

Eric: Very HD.

Micah: They move, too, right?

Andrew: They move, too! Right, that’s helpful.

Eric: Yeah, maybe at one point Scabbers hopped off, ran around a little bit.

Andrew: Or he’s waving one of his toes at the camera person.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Or his hands, I mean. Paws. [laughs]

Laura: Well, we also have to remember Sirius saw him transform hundreds of times, so he probably has a pretty good beat on what Peter looks like in his rat form. I did want to ask, though, do we know when the first time it was noted that Scabbers was missing a toe? It would be interesting to know how early in the series that was mentioned.

Eric: Oh. I mean, I would assume when he takes him into Magical Menagerie this book, but yeah, it would be absolutely crazy if it happened sooner.

Laura: Yeah, well, even just thinking about the fact that Sirius Black gets mentioned in the first chapter of the series.

Eric: Right.

Laura: So it makes me wonder how quickly we learned this about Scabbers. And then also thinking about the fact… I was thinking about this reading this chapter the other day. Imagine what Pettigrew felt – Scabbergrew in his rat form – when he just so happens to end up in the same train compartment as Harry Potter when he’s going back to Hogwarts. [laughs]

Andrew: “Just my luck!”

Eric: He’s thinking, “Holy cheese.”

Andrew: “Yes, Ron, be friends with him. Be friends with him. That sounds like a great idea.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: “I’ll continue to cower right in your pocket and stare at him so I can tell my old friend Lord Voldemort that I’ve got eyes on him.”

Micah: I thought it would be interesting to look up, what does a missing toe signify? And I think it’s very appropriate for how we characterize Pettigrew throughout the series. But it’s said that a missing toe can signify being incomplete, being inadequate, being powerless, regret for missed opportunities, and vulnerability. And I think so many of these apply to Pettigrew as a character, particularly the feeling of inadequacy because I think that has a large role in why he chooses to ultimately side with Voldemort and not stay true to his friends in James, Sirius, and Remus. And I think we’re going to talk about it a little bit later on, but just how he was treated by them. I mean, he was seen kind of as the fourth wheel, and I wonder if that really ended up being a major factor into why he went over to the Dark side.

Andrew: So Sirius then starts giving some love to Crookshanks, and I definitely wanted to talk about this because I think we were talking about it a couple of weeks ago. He revealed that he had formed a relationship with Crookshanks and says, “Crookshanks realized Scabbers was no good right away.” Even though they had formed a partnership, Sirius never learned Crookshanks’s name, though, until this moment where Ron calls Crookshanks by his name. Sirius did say that after some time, he managed to communicate to Crookshanks what he was after, and that he had “been helping me,” so they do communicate somehow. But I do find it interesting that even though they can communicate, Sirius is still not learning Crookshanks’s name. [laughs] Isn’t that a little strange?

Eric: Yeah, it’s wild. Animals have no need for names, right? For each other.

Andrew: Ooh. Just, “That one.”

Micah: How would Crookshanks say what his name is? He can’t communicate.

Andrew: How does Crookshanks say anything else? I don’t know.

Eric: [laughs] That’s a fair question.

Micah: Did he not have a little tag?

Andrew: Oh, a name tag. Yeah.

Laura: I mean, I think we talked about this a few episodes ago, about nonverbal animal communication that you’ll see anytime you see two animals meeting and getting to know each other.

Eric: Dogs and cats especially.

Laura: Yeah, I think we are to assume that’s what happened here.

Andrew: I still am just very frustrated that they never had the small talk of “So what’s your name?”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Well, it works additionally because Crookshanks is a Kneazle or part Kneazle. And Sirius says, “He’s one of the most brilliant of his kind I’ve ever seen,” so there’s some added leeway there where it’s like, if you don’t believe a person who looks like a dog and thinks like a man could communicate with a cat, then there’s this additional magic bit to it. But I love the idea of gradually building trust, and Crookshanks eventually sees Peter in this chapter and is all hisses and like, “I knew it.”

Andrew: How about a Ouija board? They find a Ouija board and point to the letters. C-R-O…

Eric: Well, I just don’t know… the list of passwords. So Crookshanks… let’s look at what Crookshanks has told Sirius.

Andrew: No, I still want to talk about not knowing their names. I’m just kidding.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: But in animal form, all the things that Crookshanks tells Sirius that he did… and bringing the list of passwords. Crookshanks clearly would have either had to read or knows what’s on that sheet. It’s crazy.

Andrew: Yeah. So the passwords, we learn that Crookshanks did steal the list of passwords for Sirius; he steals it from Neville. I feel like Crookshanks should get in trouble for this. McGonagall, a fellow feline, who is Head of House Gryffindor, where the scene of the crime occurred, the stealing of the password list, should be punishing Crookshanks in some way. It also doesn’t sit right with me because there should be an explicit understanding between human and animal at Hogwarts that they must abide by school rules. They don’t get to do whatever they want. That’s part of the deal of getting to hang out at Hogwarts.

Eric: Have you met cats? Cats do whatever they want.

Andrew: Yes, but this is a special cat.

Laura: I was about to ask Eric, as the resident cat parent on this panel…

Eric: Oh boy.

Laura: … is there any way that you could punish a cat? Is that possible? Because from my vantage point…

Andrew: In an unproblematic way? [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, of course. It feels like it’s not possible.

Eric: No, cats are another form of life. You cannot punish them in a way that matters.

Laura: Yeah, they don’t care.

Eric: Totally foreign. What would it be like…?

Micah: I’m just thinking about my interactions with Martha.

Eric: Oh, you love Martha.

Micah: Yeah, we’re friends.

Eric: You’re a friend of all pets, actually.

Micah: I am.

Eric: In two weeks you got Martha love, you got Finn love… a little bit different. They express their love in different ways.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Yes, very different ways, yes.

Eric: But no, so I mean, apart from points from Gryffindor, McGonagall really does blame Neville for the list existing. I think any additional information that McGonagall could have about “That list was in fact taken by the cat strictly to Sirius Black…” She already punished Neville for it, the fact that the list was there.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, you could take this in so many different directions, because Neville really shouldn’t have been writing down the passwords to begin with, right?

Andrew: True.

Micah: Now, if you go even further back, though, it all has to do with the fact that Sir Cadogan was changing the passwords every five minutes. Take it a step back, you just don’t have the right security measures in place for students to be able to access their common room.

Eric: Exactly.

Micah: And so we can put this at the feet of Dumbledore, which we did chapters ago – sorry, Andrew – but I do think that there should be some level of responsibility here. I agree with Andrew; you can’t just have your pets running around and stealing things from other people, especially in this case. You’re giving access to a presumed mass murderer to enter the school.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I’ll push back and say just that these are extraneous circumstances. If Crookshanks had not met a being that is somewhere between human and animal that had built up a trust over the school year and really come together over this other non-human non-animal being in Scabbers, none of this would ever happen. Crookshanks is a well-behaved boy, and he would not have stolen the list of passwords if not coaxed to over many months.

Micah: Shady cat.

Andrew: So Harry is still not understanding what Sirius’s story means, and Lupin has to give a “Don’t you see?” which I always feel like is a choice by an editor editing a book being like, “Okay, we need to make it a little more explicitly clear for the reader; they’re children.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: You see this in television too. “Don’t you get it?” [laughs] And then you get the explicit explanation. So Lupin says it twice, “Don’t you see?” to Harry. So the “Don’t you see?” to Harry and the reader is that Peter betrayed Lily and James, and Sirius was the one who tracked Peter down, and then we got an all-caps Harry moment. He says, “THAT’S NOT TRUE! He -” he being Sirius “- was their Secret Keeper! He said so before you turned up. He said he killed them!” And then the twist, Sirius says he persuaded Lily and James to change to Peter at the last moment.

Micah: Why? The big question here… and I thought about this a little bit, and we don’t know a whole lot about Sirius’s character at this point. But I was curious if it can be viewed as a purely selfish move on the part of Sirius, as it takes the target off of his back.

Andrew: Well, so first we have to add, Sirius does say, “I thought it was the perfect plan… a bluff… Voldemort would be sure to come after me, would never dream they’d use a weak, talentless thing like you,” which I think is actually a reasonable thought.

Eric: Yeah, this is probably the best Sirius Black chapter of all of them because of his fierce support. You get the sense, especially when he’s arguing with Peter later about “You should have died rather than betray your friends,” Sirius really actually was prepared to die for Lily and James. I think that joking nature, though, that James and Sirius have been established to have, like the progenitors of the Weasley twins… really were like, “Okay, if Sirius is confronted by Voldemort, and he is our Secret Keeper, there’s a non-zero chance that Voldemort does get the information. Not because Sirius betrays them, but maybe he has these Dark powers that nobody knows about,” which is basically what Peter says, “so let’s actually put it somewhere he’ll just never expect.” This is the equivalent of taking a Horcrux and chucking it into the bottom of the ocean, randomly ocean, not even a specific spot of the ocean. So I think that that was the goal. But I think – not to turn it onto Dumbledore – not making Dumbledore your Secret Keeper is very much, however, Dumbledore not wanting to put himself at risk. I don’t think when Sirius doesn’t do it, it’s that scapegoat kind of a thing, but Dumbledore arguably is the one that was always meant to face off against Voldemort. But I don’t think it’s selfish for Sirius; I think he literally just thought, “Wouldn’t it be nuts if we put it in this random person who, yeah, is loyal to us, so it’ll work?”

Micah: Yeah, I do think it’s an underestimation on their part, though, because it’s not as if Voldemort isn’t an intelligent individual and wouldn’t consider the possibility that they would do something like this. I think the big issue for them deciding to make Pettigrew the Secret Keeper was not realizing that for a year prior, he was already giving information to Voldemort, which is something we learn about in this chapter. And there’s this whole suspicion amongst the Marauders of who the sneak is, right? Who the traitor is amongst them, and Sirius and Remus actually suspect each other for a period of time. So why make any of the Marauders the Secret Keeper, then?

Eric: That’s a good point.

Micah: That goes back to your point, Eric, of Dumbledore should’ve been the Secret Keeper.

Eric: Yeah, well, and what you’re saying, though, is that it is pretty well publicized. Everybody knew that Pettigrew was in with Sirius, James. Even McGonagall has said she way underestimated him, and “Oh, he must have been really brave for what he did.” But yeah, Voldemort would still be able to try Peter. It’s not the world’s smartest idea. It’s not really that great a bluff.

Laura: Yeah. I want to touch on the point you brought up, Micah, of Sirius and Remus saying that they each thought the other was the spy. So clearly, they underestimated Peter’s ability to even do that, right? They never thought that Voldemort would want to be in league with someone like Peter. But I was wondering why they suspected each other. Did Sirius suspect Remus because of Remus being a werewolf and the werewolves as a society largely being aligned with Voldemort? And did Remus think that it was because of Sirius’s familial connections that he finally caved to the Dark side?

Eric: Oh. I like these possibilities because they play into the worst angles of each of our natures.

Laura: Right.

Eric: I think that Sirius and Lupin – especially if you’re a Wolfstar shipper, too – they have this moment where they talk it out. They’re like, “Will you ever forgive me for thinking it was you?” And it’s like, “Oh, if you do me.” It’s like, oh, love. I don’t think that it was rooted in prejudice, why they behaved each other, but only in the after-the-fact knowledge that it had to have been somebody in the closest circle. So I think that a lot of this suspecting it was the other just happened when they were each isolated from each other in the very moments leading up to Halloween of 1980.

Laura: Yeah. No, it’s a good point because that isolation and the fear really will bring out the worst parts of you, right? And make you assume the worst of other people.

Eric: That’s a good point, too. Yeah, because the Order of the Phoenix in its first iteration was not all moving as one unit, 12 people in a Flying V.

Andrew: [laughs] Flying V.

Eric: They were all each doing their own little missions here and there. And so I think in those moments of solitude, they would have begun to suspect one another, because somehow that info was leaking. But it really is a dramatic underestimation of Peter.

Micah: Yeah, that’s what I was going to say. It also just shows their ignorance towards what Peter could be capable of doing. Certainly, it sounds like there was a level of coercion that was going on by Voldemort in making Peter do what he did, ultimately. But I think there’s this very strong underestimation, which comes from their time at Hogwarts together and treating Pettigrew as if he was just the extra.

Eric: And there’s definitely a case to be made for how little they think of him. I mean, he did become an Animagus with them; he did everything that they could do. Yes, he had help, but that’s what friends are for. And it just continually surprises Sirius to the point where 12 people are dead because he underestimated Pettigrew’s ability. And Pettigrew is this perfect weasel character in this chapter, I think, groveling at the feet of anyone who will have him, but it really does show that he’s playing a next-level game; he’s still one step ahead of each of them. And I don’t think we give enough credit to just how evil and capable Peter is.

Andrew: So with no more info to dump, well, there’s nothing left to do but to see if this really is Peter Pettigrew himself hiding as Scabbers. And there’s this cute Marauders moment where Sirius asks Lupin if they want to do the Revelio honors together; we never hear a spell, I don’t think, right? So I’m just pulling the Hogwarts Legacy one. And now, sure enough, they were right. Here’s Pettigrew right in front of them in the flesh, and he immediately begins to paint Sirius as the bad guy associated with Voldemort, who’s been after him for 12 years. But Lupin is not having it; they’re sticking together. And Sirius offers some grim warnings to Pettigrew: Voldemort’s followers aren’t happy with him and they think Pettigrew is dead, or else he’d have to answer to them for being a double double-crosser. A double-crossed double-crosser, he uses some phrase like that.

Eric: Yeah, this is so brilliant. This is, again, there’s an alternate narrative for everything that happens. So Pettigrew might say, “I’ve been hiding from Sirius Black this whole time because Sirius betrayed Lily and James, and he wants to finish me. He got my finger; now he wants to finish me.” And Sirius is like, “You’re not hiding from me; you’re hiding from the other Death Eaters who acted on your evidence and Voldemort fell.” And it’s mind-blowing because you know that that’s really the truth. And I didn’t actually realize that; I’d forgotten about that being called out as a specific thing, the remaining Death Eaters that are still out there that are presumably still loyal to Voldemort. That’s a huge shout-out to those guys, especially because we see them at the end of the very next book coming together. That they are in fact out there, it’s a huge heads-up to the audience that is very subtly put, and also harkens ahead to Book 6 When we see that Slughorn is running from those same people, basically, and that’s why Dumbledore recruits him to go to Hogwarts. So like Slughorn, Pettigrew finds a safe refuge from the Death Eaters at Hogwarts.

Laura: Yeah, that is so interesting. And I think we see an even earlier example of those Death Eaters still being out there just a couple months after the end of this book, right? When they all go to the Quidditch World Cup…

Eric: That’s right.

Laura: … and the Death Eaters attack. They come out of the shadows to attack there. So it’s interesting to think about the timelines of these books and what is just around the corner from this moment.

Eric: Amazing it gets shouted out here, though, first. This book does so much. I completely… I don’t think I’ve ever properly seen this mentioned to these guys.

Laura: I agree.

Andrew: So more info-dumping – sorry that I keep using this not exactly attractive phrase…

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: … occurs to confirm that Pettigrew is bad, and he only does things if he can see the benefits for himself. And we also learn how Sirius broke out of Azkaban, which I think we did actually discuss on the show a few weeks ago. He snuck past the Dementors as a dog when they were feeding him and he was very thin.

Micah: Along those lines, one question that I had was do the Dementors not have the same effect on the truly innocent? In the sense that Sirius seems to not have been affected in the same way that other prisoners have been. I know we get a sense from Hagrid of what his time was like there, but Sirius deep down knows that he is not responsible for this crime. And so I’m wondering, if that is truly what’s going on inside of you, you’re feeling this level of innocence for something you didn’t do, are the Dementors less effective?

Andrew: That’s motivating you? Well, yeah, there’s that, but maybe it’s also just simply motivating you and helping keep your head as clear as possible. Like, “I am innocent. I should not be in here.”

Eric: The way I see it – and I’ve often wondered this, but on this reread, I caught something else – which is when Sirius is talking about how he escaped and things, he definitely has been broken down and worn down by the Dementors, except for that little kernel of knowing he’s innocent, but it’s actually seeing Scabbers’s – or Peter’s – portrait in the Daily Prophet that fuels him. He starts getting more energy because seeing that Peter is there, he has this… he’s able to… his adrenaline kicks into gear. So it’s the knowing he’s innocent has allowed him to keep his head and not go mad, but he still was too weak to actually escape until he started having this drive that kicks in from seeing the… and that’s all described in this chapter.

Laura: Yeah, and I think a key point that Sirius points out, too, is his acknowledgement, his knowledge of his innocence isn’t a happy thought, so that’s not something the Dementors can take from him. And it made me wonder, and this is very sad, but how many happy thoughts does Sirius have? Obviously, his time at Hogwarts was very happy because he was away from his family and with his friends, but that is just a few years of his life. You think about his upbringing with his family and then his time immediately following their graduation from Hogwarts where Voldemort was on the rise, and his best friends got murdered, he got blamed for their death. How many happy memories does this guy have for the Dementors to even take?

Micah: Well, I think that’s why he was so willing to just go without any type of pushback, or he just goes to Azkaban without any kind of fight, because I think he’s lost so much of what – if not everything – at that time that was important to him, which is really, really sad. Andrew, you mentioned Pettigrew, though, and that Sirius and Remus said that he only does things if he can see the benefits for himself. If this is truly what Sirius and Remus thought about Peter when they were students, is it possible that their treatment of him in being the odd man out led him down this road? If he feels like he’s not really part of the crew? I think I used the term “fourth wheel” earlier. Could they have actually been part of the reason why Pettigrew was so willing to go to Voldemort?

Andrew: I could see that.

Eric: Yeah, we all are the product of our previous decisions, even the bad ones, right? I think there’s still… we have to give Pettigrew the credit for choosing his path, and there is a great deal of self preservation and cowardice as it relates to it. And Sirius and Peter get into that in this chapter. But yeah, I think absolutely had they fostered a stronger real connection or friendship, it’s possible that Pettigrew wouldn’t have been so willing to betray Lily and James. But the other side of that is Peter really was in with the in-crowd; he was with the most popular kids in school, and he still betrayed them. So it’s more like what Sirius says to him. Sirius in this chapter… the reason I say it’s the best Sirius Black chapter is Sirius is basically telling Peter what his motivations were, what his thoughts were, and it’s so eerily accurate that Peter can’t speak. He’s shocked. And it’s because Sirius has had 12 years in Azkaban to think about all of these motivations. And he’s finally being able to accuse him of, “Oh, you’ve always been this person that shacks up to the biggest bully on the playground,” right? And so that’s what it was from a Pettigrew standpoint. I think something in Peter is broken and needs that and always was capable of betraying the person he’s with, and that has nothing to do with how the Marauders treated him. I think that’s just how he is.

Micah: What a Gryffindor.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Along those lines, though, if we are to give Pettigrew a little bit of the benefit of the doubt, he does mention these weapons that the Dark Lord possesses. Timothy Spall does a great job as Pettigrew in delivering this line, and I’m curious, what weapons is he referring to? Do we ever get a sense for that?

Andrew: His army, the Elder Wand, his plans with the Elder Wand…

Eric: I read it as the Imperius Curse hasn’t been formally introduced, and the Crucio Curse has not been formally introduced, so it’s possible Voldemort has more… again, Voldemort’s Legilimency is through the roof as well, so he can know when you’re lying, and he says that. But we see this in later books, Voldemort just torturing people to get information out of them, and I think that’s all it needs to be that Pettigrew means. There’s not an easy way to escape direct torture that Voldemort would inflict upon him.

Laura: Yeah, I think it’s also an interesting connection to Order of the Phoenix because throughout that book, we’re constantly hearing about how Voldemort has some kind of weapon, but nobody really knows what it is. And ultimately, we learn that Harry is the weapon, Harry’s mind being infiltrated is the weapon that gives Voldemort the access he needs to the prophecy. So I don’t think that’s exactly what Pettigrew is referring to here, but it is a very interesting choice of words around Voldemort that we see in both this book and in Order of the Phoenix.

Andrew: I would describe it as an abstract weapon or weapons.

Micah: Yeah, Lindsay in the Discord says, “Weapons of mass manipulation,” which I think, knowing how Voldemort can play with people’s minds…

Andrew: Yeah, I like that.

Laura: WMMs.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: It’s all about those WMMs.

Micah: I think that’s accurate. And we know at least that Pettigrew’s mother is alive, so who knows the threats that perhaps Voldemort is whispering into Peter’s ear about what he’ll do to his family?

Andrew: And Becky said, “Swords! He’s got swords.” Sometimes it’s just that simple.

Micah: He doesn’t have swords.

Andrew: Maybe he did have. Maybe that was the plan at the time.

Micah: He can’t get the one sword he wants, we know that.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. So Pettigrew starts begging everyone for mercy, “Please, please,” individually spending time with each person. “Please, Harry. Please, Hermione. Please, Sirius, Lupin.” He’s just so desperate. And Harry decides to offer him a bit of mercy after he’s finished going around the table, begging everybody for some. Harry decides Pettigrew should suffer in Azkaban rather than be killed here in the shack, and this is a big character moment for Harry. And of course, we have to set aside the fact that Pettigrew does later escape. Do we agree this is the right decision by Harry not knowing what lies ahead? He says his dad wouldn’t want his friends to be killers, which I think is really sweet and probably accurate. But would James have done the same? Would James have done the same here?

Eric: [sighs] That’s a good question. I think Harry is saying it as a gotcha, like “This person next to me is so beneath my contempt,” and he wants to throw his hat in the tormenting of Peter with the threat of the Dementors. I think he wants to jump on that game, but he is ultimately doing an extremely pure thing, which we know has magical implications later. But I’m just shocked that Sirius and Lupin both agree to heed Harry’s direction here. But it’s right enough to them. They actually knew James; Harry did not know James. So it’s right enough to them that they agree to do it, which is very interesting, because that goes against what Sirius has been trying to do all year.

Laura: Yeah.

Micah: It shows… oh, go ahead, Laura.

Laura: I was going to say, we know that getting the Dementor’s Kiss or even being routinely subjected to Dementors is a fate worse than death, so actually, yeah, I think Harry is doing the right thing here. But he’s also basically telling Peter, “It would be a mercy for us to kill you, but we’re not going to do that. We’re going to do something much worse.”

Eric: Yeah. Doesn’t Harry say, “If anybody deserves this place, it’s him”?

Andrew: Okay, but here’s what gets me, and I just had this realization this morning. Sirius escaped from Azkaban. Now they want to put Pettigrew, another Animagus, in Azkaban. What do you think could happen here? Do they have a rat cage for him? I mean, are they going to give him more security? Does Sirius really trust Azkaban? And Harry at this point, knowing that Sirius broke out of Azkaban, as a good place to put him?

Eric: That’s a fair question.

Micah: And a rat could get out a lot easier than a dog can.

Andrew: Right? They just had this discussion five pages ago.

Eric: That’s hilarious.

Laura: I feel like the insinuation is that Peter would get the Dementor’s Kiss, because Sirius was going to get it. And if they’re able to successfully prove that Sirius was innocent, that he spent 12 years wrongfully in prison because Peter was actually the murderer… I feel like especially based on the way the legal system seems to work in the wizarding world where it’s either yeah, no consequences for anything you do, but if it’s bad enough, you’re definitely going to this high security depression wizard prison… I feel like they would go straight…

Andrew: Depression wizard prison.

Laura: Yeah, they would go straight to the Dementor’s Kiss penalty for Peter.

Eric: It’s like what they do with Tina and Newt in the first Fantastic Beasts film, taking them down to that black pool for just… like, what? Extreme, hello.

Laura: Right?

Eric: Yeah, it’s really interesting.

Micah: Well, and Stray Kneazle brought up a really great point in the Discord, saying that the Ministry didn’t know Sirius was an Animagus. So perhaps they would put different protections in place, knowing that Pettigrew was in fact in Animagus.

Laura: True.

Eric: Well, presumably Scabbers couldn’t swim to shore the way the dog did. But also, if you think of it again as a one-two punch of Sirius knowing he’s innocent and having a drive, Pettigrew would have neither of those things. I think the Dementors would do what they are supposed to do on Pettigrew even if they don’t kiss him. I just love that all this talk is like the Dementors are up at Hogwarts right now sipping a cup of tea going, “Well, I’m going to kiss somebody tonight. I don’t care who it is.”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: “Let me kiss! Let me kiss!”

Laura: “Can I have a breath mint, please?” [laughs]

Micah: You probably need a whole package of Life Savers.

Laura: Oh yeah, for sure. You need that really intense Listerine, the amber-colored one that really burns your mouth. That’s what they need.

Eric: Ahh, the good stuff.

Laura: Yeah. [laughs] I also think Pettigrew, even if he didn’t immediately get the Dementor’s Kiss, I feel like he would be in a lot of danger in Azkaban because we know there are so many Death Eaters there who would presumably want him dead. So prison would also be a very dangerous place for him for different reasons, not just the Dementors.

Micah: Yeah, yeah. Just in going back to what you were saying earlier, Eric, I think it’s a huge moment of maturation for Harry, I agree with that, in making this decision to say that, really thinking what Remus and Sirius aren’t thinking in that moment, right? Which is that if they do do this, they become murderers, and the truth dies with Pettigrew. That’s the worst part of all of this is that if they follow through on this, there’s no way for them to actually prove this entire story that we’ve just learned.

Eric: I’ve been thinking about that, even if Pettigrew were to die and they bring his corpse up, that still doesn’t really say that their version of events happened. It proves that Pettigrew’s body was well preserved over the last 12 years, but really doesn’t put too fine a point on the truth. They need Pettigrew alive. Yeah, forgive Sirius and Remus for not considering the implications against their mortal soul right now, but Harry is there to do that for them and say.

Micah: and it’s very important because it comes back to really benefit Harry in Deathly Hallows when the debt is repaid by Peter.

Eric: Yeah. I have issues with that moment, but I’m glad it exists.

[Ad break]


Odds & Ends


Andrew: All right, a couple odds and ends. I mentioned this a couple times, even I can admit. Where is Dumbledore? And I did have a theory. I just imagine him… because come on, he sets up the Shrieking Shack for Lupin; he must have put a camera in there or something to keep an eye on what’s going on.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I’m imagining he’s sitting back in his office, feet kicked up on that beautiful desk, and he’s got some popcorn. And he’s just watching the show, and he’s like, “Oh, I don’t need to intervene. Things are going just as I planned, as I hoped.”

Eric: Do you think he’s got a master Marauder’s Map that sees slightly beyond the boundary, and he’s just watching it all down and he’s like, “Ha, ha, ha”?

Andrew: Maybe. There’s so much happening here with so many important characters and he’s just nowhere to be found. Like, what is he doing? He’s got to be watching. He’s got to be listening.

Eric: He’s in London.

Micah: He’s drinking tea with the Dementors that Laura mentioned earlier.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: They’re just waiting for the fallout in a couple of hours.

Andrew: “I want to kiss.”

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Maybe he’s making out with the Dementors. I don’t know.

Laura: Ooh.

Andrew: I just also want to mention Scabbers. He had been in the family for 12 years, and this specific period, the number 12… I’ve brought this up before; it’s coming up numerous times this chapter. 12, 12, 12. Rowling loves using that number in the Harry Potter series. And also, I wanted to call out a couple funny moments. When Pettigrew asked Remus if he believes Sirius, Lupin replies, “I must admit, Peter, I have difficulty in understanding why an innocent man would want to spend 12 years as a rat.” That made me chuckle. And then Ron said to Pettigrew at one point, “I let you sleep in my bed!”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: Yeah, Ron observes the thing that all the fans observe too. How, again, did his brothers never notice that for three years, there was a Peter Pettigrew in Ron’s bed?

Eric: You know what, here’s a headcanon: Fred and George, when they first discovered the map, made a habit of not looking at what their brothers were up to in the Gryffindor rooms, because they had Bill in Charlie at Hogwarts as well. They don’t pay attention to the Gryffindor dormitories.

Micah: But shouldn’t Pettigrew also go to jail for this? I mean, he’s sleeping in the bed of underage kids.

Eric: When it’s a rat, it’s fine.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: I mean, is it?

Andrew: All right, it’s time for MVP of the Week. Let’s get out of this before we…

Eric: Pin it to the door.

Micah: Add it to the list? Is that what you’re saying?


MVP of the Week


Andrew: Time for MVP of the Week.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: I’m going to give it to Harry for choosing to spare Pettigrew’s life. I could never. I would be the one who just wants to exact revenge on him in this moment and just not have to worry about him anymore.

Laura: It’s the Slytherin in you.

[Andrew laughs evilly]

Eric: Definitely going to give my MVP to my man, Sirius Black. There’s at least 423 moments of awesome that he does in this chapter, so thanks for being real.

Andrew: Wait, wait, wait, how many moments did you say?

Eric: 423.

Andrew: That’s your old email address!

[Laura laughs]

Eric: I know, I know. @aol.com.

Micah: I’m going to give it to Expelliarmus. That’s my MVP of this chapter.

Laura: I’m going to give mine to Hermione. I feel like of everyone in this chapter, she is the person who remains the most levelheaded throughout and asks a lot of really good questions, once she takes the time to really understand what’s unfolding in front of her. So she’s no longer in denial about what she’s being told, but she’s still asking the probing questions that the reader is asking as they read through this. So I think in this moment, Hermione really is standing in for the reader.

[MVP of the Week music ends]

Andrew: So we’re about to wrap this episode up, but we are recording a bonus MuggleCast installment this week. Laura, can you tell us what our patrons will be able to hear later this week?

Laura: Yeah, so on this week’s bonus, we’re going to be talking about Harry Potter headcanons, so really, those scenarios or interactions between characters that we imagine may have happened offscreen but weren’t necessarily represented in the text. We’ve talked about a lot of headcanons here on the show, but we’re going to be unpacking some additional ones in bonus this week.

Andrew: Yeah, that’s just one of many benefits on our Patreon, Patreon.com/MuggleCast. And as we shared last week, there’s now a Spotify integration, so you can listen to all of our bonus audio content right through Spotify. Most podcast apps support listening to our bonus audio content, which is really nice; that way you don’t have to use the Patreon app to listen to bonus MuggleCast and ad-free MuggleCast. Of course, we’ve got the MuggleCast Collector’s Club going on too. Become a patron by September 22 – and there will be a forum for patrons to fill out – and we will get you this year’s stickers, and for as long as you remain a patron, you will receive the following years’ stickers as well. MuggleCast confirming this week and reminding you all that we will be active through at least 2026. Next week, we will discuss Chapter 20 of Prisoner of Azkaban. And if you have any feedback about today’s episode or the chapters ahead, you can send an owl to MuggleCast@gmail.com or you can use the contact form on MuggleCast.com. To send a voice message, just record it using the Voice Memo app on your phone and then email us that file, or use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. Speaking of contacting us, it’s time for our weekly trivia game, Quizzitch.


Quizzitch


[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question, who casts Expelliarmus against Snape inside the Shrieking Shack? We had many, many submissions, but not everyone got the correct answer. It’s actually the trio; Harry, Ron, and Hermione all cast it. This causes Snape to lift up, his wand goes shooting, all that good stuff. But people who did get the correct answer include Bang-ended scoot; BuffDaddy; Callie loves Quizzitch; Crookshanks’s broken brush; If Harry wanted to name his kid after Snape, he should have just chosen “Man Baby” as a middle name…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: … Landon; Luke the 11-year-old; Plomping pillow; Puff the Hufflepuff; Serpent sorcerers; Snoopy 199; Teddy Lupin traumatized by Wolfstar; The owl that doesn’t take baths: The Cajun Gryffindor; The eighth Animagus; and the Mandrake leaf under Sirius’s tongue.

Laura: Gross! [laughs]

Andrew: Laura remains tickled by the Quizzitch names.

Laura: I do. Listen, I told you, that’s 50% of why I show up to these recordings, is just to hear the Quizzitch names.

Andrew: That’s why she’s here through 2026 at least.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Laura: Keep ’em coming.

Eric: Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: Who leads the group first out of the Shrieking Shack? You’ve got about a one in eight chance, I think, of answering this correctly. So submit your responses to us on the Quizzitch form found on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or go to MuggleCast.com and click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: I mentioned Patreon and Spotify, but I know a lot of listeners use Apple, and if you’d prefer to support us through there, for just $2.99 a month you can receive ad-free and early access to MuggleCast right within the Apple Podcasts app. Patreon does offer more benefits, including bonus MuggleCast and the Collector’s Club, but maybe you just want to support us through there. It’s so easy; it’s like buying an app. $2.99 a month.

Micah: It’s a good deal.

Andrew: We also have the free trial. We also have a annual pledge you can do, too, so check that out. It’s a great way to support us. It’s just the four of us plus our social media manager Chloé; this isn’t some corporation.

Micah: Not yet, it isn’t.

Andrew: This is just us, so we need your financial support. It really helps keep the show running. Tell a friend about the show. We’d also appreciate if you left us a review in your favorite podcast app. Don’t forget to follow us on social media; our username is @MuggleCast on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, and Threads. And that does it for this week’s episode. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m SiriusBlack423.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: See everybody next time, goodbye.

Laura: Bye, y’all.

Micah: Bye.

Laura: Are we sharing AIM screen names? Because I would totally pull out the “I’m PhoenixWrath88.”

Eric: Aww, PhoenixWrath.

Transcript #622

 

MuggleCast 622 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #622, Sneaky Snack for the Dumbledrama (POA Chapter 18, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: This week, it’s going to feel like your worst Thanksgiving dinner because we’re discussing Chapter 18 of Prisoner of Azkaban, “Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs.” And to help us with today’s discussion, we’re joined by another Slug Club supporter on Patreon. His name is Jason, not to be confused with our last guest, also Jason. That’s a first, I think. Welcome, Jason, to the show.

Jason: Hello, I’m excited to be here.

Andrew: Good to have you. You’re coming to us from Salt Lake City. Let’s get your fandom ID.

Jason: Oh, sure. My favorite book is… I can’t decide. It’s 3, I think. Maybe 6? Could be 5. I don’t know.

[Everyone laughs]

Jason: I like all of those for very different reasons. I really can’t decide which one is my favorite. I like all of them. Favorite movie is the sixth one, probably. I also really like the fifth one. I don’t know. I’m very indecisive.

[Andrew laughs]

Jason: I am a Hufflepuff. I have also secondarily been Sorted into Ravenclaw, so I’m probably more of a Huffleclaw. My Patronus is a Tonkinese cat, which… I don’t know what a Tonkinese cat is. But I like cats, so that’s cool.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Jason: And then my Animagus form, I think I would be a falcon.

Andrew: Cool. And we asked that question because it’s relevant to today’s chapter. I appreciate your honesty with the indecisiveness around what your favorite book and movie is. [laughs]

Jason: I like all of them. I don’t know.

[Andrew and Jason laugh]

Eric: Too often people feel they have to give a definitive answer, so that we can scrutinize it. But this one, there’s nothing to pick at. It’s like, oh, he likes a bunch of them. Okay.

Andrew: But let’s put it to you this way: If you were stranded on a desert island…

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: … and you could only bring one book with you, which would it be? 3, 6, or 5?

Jason: Uhh… [long pause] I don’t know. 5, probably. Maybe because it’s long.

Laura: Yeah, it’s the longest. That’s a good choice

Andrew: Well reasoned. Well reasoned.

Micah: It’s also your favorite book, isn’t it, Andrew?

Andrew: That is my favorite, yeah. Number 5. No doubt about it for me. So if we’re both on the same island, you know I’ll have 5 there, and then you can bring 3 or 6.

Eric: You’ll have to coordinate, planning to get stranded on an island.

Andrew: [laughs] Somebody bring 2! We need 2! We don’t have 2 yet! Well, welcome to the show, Jason, and thanks for your support on Patreon. We really appreciate your support. And you put in some great notes today that we’re excited to talk about. Micah, Eric, you have some updates for us. Micah, do you want to start?

Micah: Yeah, sure. So we were able to give away a couple of pairs of tickets to Harry Potter: The Exhibition back on Harry’s birthday. And appropriately, I thought, the question was: In the Hall of Prophecy, which row contains the prophecy about Harry and Voldemort? Does anybody here know the answer to that?

Eric: It’s 97, isn’t it?

Micah: It is 97. Eric, congratulations. You’ve won two tickets.

Eric: Yeah!

Micah: So congratulations to Laura. Not you, Laura. Another Laura.

Laura: Oh man.

Micah: Sorry.

Eric: Man, there’s too many Jasons, too many Lauras… like, what is going on?

Micah: Well, Laura, who is one of our long standing Slug Club members – so she is very excited to go – as well as Marlena, Matthew, Michael, and Laila. So we really hope you enjoy your time at Harry Potter: The Exhibition. And channeling my inner Chloé, be sure to tag us on social media when you do decide to go. It is a lot of fun. I’ve been and I know you’re going to really, really enjoy yourselves at the exhibition.

Eric: Well, jumping off of that, Micah and I would like to thank anyone who came out to see us while we were in Chicago, either at LeakyCon, which was another wonderful, amazing time, or at the public MuggleCast meet-up, which nevertheless had a limited amount of space. But we filled up the top floor of Fado Irish Pub downtown in Chicago, one of Micah and I’s favorite spots to go when we’re not hosting a MuggleCast Live. And we managed to finally have our party there. And it was really, really wonderful, seeing everybody, making time to chat with everyone that came… And it was really just a magical weekend.

Micah: Yeah. And we got to see, as you said, a number of listeners, but I did want to specially call out… We were doing our Spot the Liar panel on Sunday, and right after the panel, there were these two kids that came up to us. And they said, “We’re Bagels for Buckbeak.” And it took me a second to register exactly what they were saying, and then I realized, oh, Quizzitch!

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: But it was so cool to meet them in person, and they drove all the way from Virginia to come to LeakyCon.

Laura: Whoa.

Micah: And just for that day, specifically. So it was really great to see them. We got a picture with them, and I’m sure it will be posted up on social media at some point soon.

Eric: The kids are really loving Quizzitch, it turns out, because we got Forrest the 14-year-old… Bagels for Buckbeak, their parents confided, are 12 and 13, so definitely good for the young young kids. Yeah, this weekend for Quizzitch, we met Bagels for Buckbeak, and I discovered that I had actually shared a hotel room with “When the Shrieking Shack is rockin’, don’t come knocking.”

[Laura laughs]

Micah: That would be me.

Eric: … which is one of Micah’s previous Quizzitch handles.

Andrew: Okay, I was just going to say, I thought we were going to have to get in touch with HR.

Eric: But anyway, it was really a wonderful time. And yeah, we definitely have a lot of recaps up on our socials. And yeah, I would just have to say, probably the panels were my favorite thing of the whole weekend, including one on the morality of magic, which had a lot of audience participation. It was great.

Micah: For me, it was definitely the MuggleCast meet-up, and then also the very first panel that we did, which was a podcaster mega panel – a number of fellow podcasters either that we’ve been on their shows or they’ve come on this one – Mike from Potterless, Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them, as well as Swish and Flick Cast.

Eric: Oh, was that the one Gilderoy Lockhart came to? Or no, that was that the next day?

Micah: That was Friday. Gilderoy appeared on Saturday in full regalia. Plenty of arrogance.

Andrew: Eric was Lockhart and also Elvis Dumbledore. His classic Elvis Dumbledore.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Micah: And I think I said that Gilderoy appeared on Saturday. That’s not true. He was just resting in Friday morning. He couldn’t make the first panel, you know, the arrogance.

Eric: That’s right. He’s got many obligations.

Micah: But he showed up later on Friday afternoon. And we did do six panels in total, in addition to the meet-up, and I believe we’re planning to release our live show, on Labor Day weekend, which was a lot of fun as well.

Eric: A lot of fun.

Micah: They did wrap up by announcing that LeakyCon will be in Portland next year, returning to Portland. Eric, were you there last time?

Eric: Yeah, 2013, I want to say. It was really good. Get some Voodoo Doughnuts while you’re there.

Andrew: Well, we are glad you had a great time at LeakyCon, and hope all of our listeners who went also had a great time as well. Sounds like a lot of fun. One other quick little announcement, very exciting news for those of you who listen to MuggleCast on Spotify. If you are a patron, you can now listen to our bonus audio content, like Bonus MuggleCast and ad-free MuggleCast right within the Spotify app. Spotify and Patreon partnered to create an integration. It’s very nice, it’s very easy to set up. You just go into Spotify, you go to our show, you click the Patreon banner you see there – it says exclusive episodes for subscribers – and then you can connect your Patreon account to Spotify. And then you’ll get access to this feed, where you will see all of our bonus audio content. Again, ad-free MuggleCast and bonus MuggleCast installments, as well as any other bonus audio content that we do post on Patreon, which does happen from time to time. So definitely check that out. We’ll have a link in the show notes. If you use Spotify but aren’t a patron yet, this is a great way to support us and enjoy our twice monthly Bonus MuggleCast segments, as well as ad-free MuggleCast. No matter what podcast app you use, we would appreciate your support on Patreon as it’s what keeps the show running. We have tons of perks you can enjoy in exchange for supporting us, plus closer access to us. So check it out today and help us run the show. Thank you, everybody.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: And now with that, let’s get to Chapter by Chapter. This week we’re discussing Chapter 18 of Prisoner of Azkaban – Jason’s favorite book – “Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot…”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: We’re just going to tell him what his favorite book is now.

Andrew: His favorite book so long as he’s not stranded on a desert island, then it’s Order of the Phoenix.

Jason: Yes.

Eric: Or Half-Blood.

Andrew: Yeah. All right, so we will start as always with our Seven-Word Summary.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Eric: Lupin…

Micah: … reveals…

Laura: … backstory…

Andrew: … to…

Jason: … many…

Eric: … children…

Micah: … ta-dah!

[Everyone laughs]

[Seven-Word Summary music ends]

Andrew: The dream scenario would have been “many scared children” or something like that.

Eric: Oh, yeah. Or “to many shocking… gasps,” or something. Yeah, I botched that. I’ll blame myself.

Andrew: It’s okay.

Laura: Honestly, I love it when we have to end our Seven-Word Summary in a “Ta-dah!” or “Hurray!”

[Jason and Laura laugh]

Eric: We love it. We’ll just have to see how the listeners feel about it, because we are ranking these, again, on OWL grading scales.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Eric: Something that kind of shocked me going into this chapter is, you know, we’re at the end of this book and all the chapters do tend to bleed together. They all are set, like, within minutes or immediately after each other. And they’re all roughly about 25 pages or so… maybe like 20-25 pages. Not this one. Chapter 18, “Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs” is only nine pages long. It’s a quick read; Jim Dale gets through it in like 18 minutes. It’s actually closer to 14 if you put him on 1.2 speed, which I do.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: So it’s a quick chapter. I’ve actually managed to listen to it like four times to prep for this because it’s so short.

Andrew: When you call this out, I was wondering, is it the shortest chapter in the series? So I did a quick Google, and the answer is no. However, it looks like the shortest chapter in the series is actually two chapters from now: Chapter 20, “The Dementor’s Kiss,” capped at 2,018 words.

Eric: So I know we’ll get into what does happen in this chapter, and we do have some fun food for thought and stuff from Potter-no-more to discuss as well to kind of flesh out discussion. But going into how short this chapter is, and asking myself why that might be, it does cover a very specific set of events, which is at the beginning of the chapter, they finish after the big reveal of last chapter that Scabbers is Peter Pettigrew. They stop talking about Peter Pettigrew so that Lupin can tell his whole werewolf backstory story, but that happens where they change topic right as Snape comes in. So we know that Severus Snape sneaks in under the Invisibility Cloak. That’s the big reveal at the end of this chapter. So all this stuff about Scabbers being Peter Pettigrew is actually very specifically out of his earshot. So later, when the children have to fight with Dumbledore and Fudge about “Oh, no, we really saw Peter, he’s really alive…” Snape, who’s being awful – not to get too ahead of ourselves – really actually didn’t hear anything about Peter. So maybe the reason that this is a separate chapter is just for the author to very specifically have this set of events be focused on as one specific thing. Does that make sense to you guys?

Andrew: I think so. And you see each chapter end on a cliffhanger quite a bit, and there was a cliffhanger at the end of the previous chapter, too, so I’m thinking maybe that’s why. But you also have to wonder, maybe this was an editor decision to, like, “Hey, this chapter is getting a little long,” (the previous chapter, I mean), “let’s maybe split it right here, where there could be a nice cliffhanger.” Because you also think about the chapter titles! They’re so similar, which we spoke about.

Eric: So getting into the events of the chapter: Lupin has just revealed that Scabbers the rat is an Animagus named Peter Pettigrew. Sirius is really kind of out of control. He leaps onto Ron, who’s injured already, and is only stopped by Lupin saying very loudly that the children have a right to know. I mean, it’s funny because Sirius has this great line at the beginning of the chapter, “I’d like to commit the murder I was imprisoned for.” Great line. But Sirius really has no concept, or seems to care at all, about what leaving Pettigrew alive would do, in a sense of clearing his own name. Sirius is not trying to reveal the fraud. He’s not trying to reveal Pettigrew so that he could get his life back. He actually just wants to kill him. So why so little regard for himself in this matter? And you all know my feelings on Sirius Black being my favorite character, but I dare to ask the question: Is it charming that Sirius just wants to commit the murder? Not save himself?

Andrew: I think it speaks to his mental state.

Laura: Yes, I was going to say I think it’s actually really sad. When I was thinking about this question, I was thinking about his first attempt, his failed attempt to kill Peter. He did it in front of a street of witnesses, so clearly after losing his best friend and Lily and presumably his godson, because they’re not going to let him live with Sirius, he probably feels like he’s a marked man, and that nothing he can do will ever erase the stigma of being believed to have been the person who betrayed the Potters. So he doesn’t think he has any life to live for at this point. And that is such a dark thought, I know, but if you think about the fact that Sirius spent the prime years of his life imprisoned when he was actually innocent, so much of his life has already been lost. And he’s had 12 years to stew on this betrayal. Ultimately it’s been, I think, probably one of the only things that he has thought about for that period of time. So what’s his motivation apart from getting revenge on Peter, at this point?

Eric: That is such an interesting point.

Micah: Right. He can’t know that Lupin is going to show up, so the motivation, as you said, Laura, is to kill Pettigrew. That’s been his mission ever since he saw him in the Daily Prophet back in Azkaban, was to escape and to pay back Peter for everything that he has put Sirius through over the course of the last 12 years. So certainly, things change once Lupin arrives, and you would think that Sirius would want to approach things a little bit differently now that you actually have somebody there who can validate your claim. But going back to the point that was mentioned about mental state, I think it’s just like, blinders are on and he’s got one clear objective, and nothing is going to stop him from doing that. And, nine pages long – they could have fit this in the damn movie.

Andrew: Ooh!

Laura: Yeah.

Micah: Parts of it are in the movie, but the whole Marauders reveal isn’t, which is a joke, but that’s a conversation for another time.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: We know the argument about making something Harry’s story, but they’re literally telling this story to Harry and it affects his parents, so… anyway.

Andrew: While we are on the subject of the movie, I will just add that I loved this scene in the movie, this broader scene. I still remember going to the movie and leaning forward in my seat when Snape appeared. I was like, “Oh my gosh, this is a soap opera. This is good. This is juicy. This is twisty.” Because you’re seeing all these iconic actors working together as the kids sort of take a back seat. Ahh! I’ll never forget that feeling of just being so into it.

Micah: “Still bickering like an old married couple.” Right?

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Yeah, I do love that. No, the scene is really good, but I will agree that the biggest miss of the third movie was not introducing the Marauders or explaining their backstory or connection to the overall plot.

Micah: 100%. Lupin, how do you know how the map works?

Laura: [sighs] I know.

Jason: That is the reason why I saw the third movie in theaters and then refused to watch it for many years after. I hated it. I was so mad because of that omission. I’ve since rewatched it and I actually really, really enjoy the movie, but that still really bothers me.

Eric: I feel it.

Laura: It’s a glaring issue, for sure.

Eric: When we talk about Sirius’s single mindedness, Laura, and what you said about “He has little to live for,” it occurred to me that it isn’t really until Harry offers to live with Sirius that Sirius thinks for the first time that there is a future really, at all, one worth living.

Andrew: Hey, really quickly, though: I think that Marauders scene? It needs to be in the TV show.

Eric: Should we Max that?

Andrew: Oh, it’s got to be Maxed. Max that!

[“Max That” sound effect plays]

Eric: Max that. They wouldn’t make the same mistake twice, would they?

[Everyone laughs]

Jason: I hope not.

Andrew: But you can also think about how, when we do learn about the Marauders, we could get flashback scenes there to them becoming Animagi, as we’ll talk about in a little bit.

Eric: Yeah, and for the love of God, cast the Marauders and give them actual lines. None of this three-second-flashback-everything-happening-at-once kind of crap. The whole way when we did get anything Marauders-related, even in “Snape’s Worst Memory” in 5, or “The Prince’s Tale” in 8… It’s just way glossed over, and nobody ever took the time for it. Here’s something else that’s happening at the beginning of this chapter: Scabbers is struggling to get free. Obviously, we know why. And Ron is doing his damnedest to hold him, but his hands are cut up, they’re bleeding… it’s actually really difficult to read. And they’re all having this conversation about Peter and Scabbers and all this stuff, it’s like… at one point, Sirius leaps on to Ron, Ron falls back on his broken leg, and the whole time, amid all that pain, is still holding onto Scabbers. My question is, isn’t there some kind of magical stasis? We can talk about this, but we’ve literally seen what Hermione does with the Cornish Pixies, “Arresto momentum” is the thing that Dumbledore does… there has to be some way where Ron doesn’t have to hold Scabbers, who’s scraping his hands to get out, while they have a human conversation. These adult wizards… let’s just say Lupin, as a teacher, should have some kind of solution for this.

Andrew: Oh yeah.

Laura:Levioso.” [laughs]

Andrew: Create a cage out of thin air, a little tiny rat cage.

Eric: A teeny little rat cage! Yeah.

Andrew: Put him in a rat wheel that he can’t get out of. [laughs] A spinning wheel, a hamster wheel.

Laura: Yeah, that way he can run, he just won’t go anywhere.

Andrew: There you go. And generate a little energy in the process.

Eric: This is where this book is my favorite, I can say without any uncertainty. Not trying to show you up there, Jason; I appreciate your indecisiveness.

[Jason laughs]

Eric: But I would say – well, 6 is another one. But yeah, I would say that there are these moments here – twice in this chapter, I think – where there’s magic that the teachers should know that they don’t use. We’ll get into that. But sort of the main point of this chapter is to have Lupin be able to tell the story of how Harry’s dad and his friends all became Animagi to be with Lupin during his werewolf transformation. It’s a great story we’ll get into, and essentially it comes down to… Lupin was bitten as a child, and he would not normally have been able to attend Hogwarts, if it weren’t for one Headmaster Albus – formerly Elvis – Dumbledore deciding that precautions can be taken to make it possible. And this speaks to a lot of prejudice that exists about werewolves.

Micah: Yeah, it definitely does. And one of the things that came to mind for me was that it demonstrates that throughout the course of wizarding history, as far as we know, there’s been no strong desire for the wizarding community to invest in ways to either cure lycanthropy or better integrate werewolves into wizarding society. This is not a 20th century issue. Presumably, werewolves have been around for hundreds or thousands of years prior to this, and Lupin can’t have been the first werewolf to attend Hogwarts, whether folks knew about it or not. And so I was wondering, should there be a school specifically for werewolves and other wizarding world beings or creatures? Or does that defeat the entire purpose of having an integrated magical society?

Andrew: I do think the latter.

Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: But they still need some sort of support group at the school, not just a type of place for them to go and hide. It should be like… you think about in high school, you see the LGBTQ ally groups. Maybe something like that, just so they feel less alone and they feel more supported?

Eric: How do you feel it defeats the purpose of the magical…? What does that mean?

Micah: Well, I was saying, would creating a school specifically for werewolves defeat the purpose of trying to have a more integrated society?

Andrew: Because then’d feel, like, othered.

Eric: But without providing resources for these very real people that have this… you know, they’ve been cursed. Then you’re really dooming them to a life of otherness, and it’s a lot worse than what Dumbledore does.

Micah: So I think you could look at what Dumbledore does through two separate lenses. I think you could look at it through the lens of him helping Lupin and providing a place for him to actually transform, but at the same time, he’s not doing anything to try and integrate him into the larger school community that’s there. And outing Lupin would be a terrible thing, obviously. But I just think that maybe Dumbledore could have taken other steps during normal school hours to try and make Lupin feel more welcome, and teach the students, essentially, that what Lupin is going through is normal, even though that’s not how kids would initially perceive it.

Andrew: And wasn’t his fault.

Laura: But also, I don’t think anyone in Lupin’s position wants to be an object lesson for other people. That would probably be pretty uncomfortable. Probably one of the best things that Dumbledore could do for Lupin is make his schooling experience as normal as possible. So y’all know that I’m not a Dumbledore apologist here, but I think that given the circumstances and the lack of resources, the lack of social understanding, and the lack of any kind of government support or medicinal remedy at this point, I think Dumbledore actually did the best he could here. This is a rare defense.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: But he doesn’t make Lupin feel comfortable necessarily. It’s James, Sirius, and Peter that ultimately make Lupin feel comfortable because they go the extra mile to become Animagi and still be his friend in that form as much as they are when they’re in human form.

Eric: There is that question about what is the responsibility of the administrator, and the administrator answers to the safety of all the students, right? It’s said multiple times in this chapter that werewolves really are dangerous. If Snape had encountered Lupin when he was in his werewolf form, he says it would have been awful. And James, who at that time was able to transform, still put himself in great risk, according to Lupin, for pulling Snape back while he was human. So there’s apparently this huge danger, that again, is not really fleshed out. But it just shows that… I think Dumbledore’s responsibility ends at making Lupin’s transformations safe to the rest of the students. And then, as you point out, though, Micah, there was a vacuum of the emotional fulfillment that could only be, I think, filled by friends who would do this sort of thing that they ended up doing for Lupin.

Laura: Yeah. And I think in that… and I mean, this is just me trying to put myself in Lupin’s shoes. If I were in his position, I don’t know that I would want a school administrator facilitating my friendships for me to help me feel included. Because that just feels like it’s done out of pity, and I don’t want that. So it’s probably a lot more gratifying for Lupin in that he made these friends organically. And because of what good friends they ended up being, they did this objectively selfless thing for him. It was dangerous, but they did it.

Andrew: I think the other question is, what does Lupin want? Does he want other students to know that he’s a werewolf in a way that is safe and won’t scare people off from him? What does he want? I think that’s the main question we would need to be asking Lupin.

Eric: I think inevitably, you’d get those students that would go looking for the troll. They’d go looking for the werewolf, if Lupin had been outed, and that would have been a whole nightmare. I think, too, the thing is, Lupin just wanted to be normal. He wanted to be somewhere safe. And then when you’re a kid, you absolutely want to blend in, right? You want nobody to know. I think that maybe outing Lupin to a school body or saying “Werewolves are safe” or teaching tolerance may have been in the cards immediately after seven successful years of hiding it, right? If the first war hadn’t derailed everything, with Voldemort and everything, I can easily see the teachers then going, “For seven years, we have had a werewolf at our school, and it was safe, objectively, except for one run-in with Severus Snape, the whole time. Let this be an example to all other schools everywhere, and let this be an example to the student body that these people suffering from this affliction can be safely educated along with the rest of us.” And that would have led this whole werewolf rights kind of organization, but Voldemort happened.

Micah: Yeah, you bring up an interesting point, I almost wonder if you could bring in an adult or a group of adults who are werewolves and could teach this younger generation what to do when they transform. It seems to be that in this particular wizarding world, you lose all sense of yourself regardless of whether or not you’re a child or you’re an adult. But I think we’ve seen in other series there is some level of awareness when you transform into a werewolf and being able to control your abilities, so I wonder if that could be something down the line that they do explore at Hogwarts.

Eric: So Potter-no-more actually went into some of the backstory of Remus Lupin. It’s a good, pretty long article. But the key moment here is that Lupin’s father, Lyle Lupin, had a moment of prejudice. Essentially, Lyle was at the Ministry of Magic and made a negative comment about werewolves in front of Fenrir Greyback, who basically was shocked by the lack of Lyle’s humanity and compassion toward werewolves, and decided to retaliate. And nothing can forgive what Grayback does and the methods of going about it, but you do kind of understand in that moment the motivation of… essentially Lyle Lupin said an unkind thing. He said that werewolves were soulless and deserved death and could not be rehabilitated. And you can easily look at many examples of people who are in a minority group that are outcasts that receive or are on the receiving end of these horrible statements, and backed into a corner about this and viewed as less than just because of their afflictions.

Laura: And we learn later, of course, that Fenrir makes a name for himself, wanting to bite children as young as possible to turn them when they’re young, which adds a whole other messed-up layer to his character because he can’t play the victim card. At that point, when you take somebody’s horrible, reprehensible behavior toward you, and it fuels and motivates you to do something ten times more heinous than words could ever be… no sympathy.

Eric: Yeah, I mean, no sympathy, but it’s interesting how we all have those moments where a prejudice maybe we weren’t even aware of came out, or we say things that we really don’t mean. And this is a very real repercussion, especially in a world that existed before the Wolfsbane Potion, which is still, as Lupin says, pretty uncomfortable, but he’s able to bear it. He’s able to bear his transformation now. It’s just a really bad situation.

Andrew: And speaking of Fenrir making an example out of young Remus, I was thinking, this backstory is very interesting. Not sure I had read it before. And it just made me think about how this is another example of a character paying for the decisions of their dad or what happened to their dad.

Laura: Ooh. Yep.

Andrew: You’ll look Harry paying it away for what happened to James, and Draco paying for how evil his father is. And here’s another example of that: Remus is paying for what happened to his dad.

Micah: Not only how evil his father is, but how much of a screw-up his father is, because that’s what leads to Voldemort wanting to recruit Draco and use him as a pawn in his larger game.

Eric: Right. It is interesting to see how the threads all connect. Even though this Lyle Lupin stuff was revealed on Pottermore years after the books had ended, the thread and the connection is still there of like, this was definitely in the author’s mind when she was writing about Lupin being turned as a kid.

Laura: It is such an interesting point, because we talk a lot about mother figures in the Potter series, but I don’t feel like we have a lot of conversations about father figures.

Eric: Hmm!

Laura: And it would be interesting to keep an eye on this throughout the rest of our Chapter by Chapter, to note the theme of fathers in Harry Potter, that the sons are paying for the sins of their fathers. Is that what’s happening here? I mean, think about the kind of father that Lupin himself turns out to be. Obviously, he’s not around to watch his son grow up, and it’s admirable that he fought in the Battle of Hogwarts. But prior to that, we saw a very undesirable side of Lupin when he was contemplating leaving his wife and newborn baby to go camping with the trio because he was scared. So it’s interesting to think about how the repercussions of perhaps Lupin’s relationship with his own father reverberate throughout the generations here.

Eric: That’s interesting. When you ask about whether the fathers and what role they play in the series has to do with their sons, I think about Voldemort, probably one of the worst villains, but his dad is actually not guilty of much. His dad was coerced via love potion into this relationship with the village tramp, and really just, in a moment of clarity, rejected her, and that was what Voldemort blames as being the whole downfall of everything. But you almost really can’t blame Tom Riddle, Sr. for his reaction after what had occurred.

Laura: Voldemort definitely does. He blames him for being a Muggle. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, that too. The idea being that if Tom Riddle, Sr. were somehow a wizard, he would have been either okay with Merope, or somehow more tolerant, which, who knows?

Micah: You see it with Snape as well, right? With Tobias being very abusive towards Eileen Prince as well as towards Snape at times, it seems. So clearly, that would have an effect on Snape and how he matured and grew up in his outlook towards other people.

Andrew: A little plug for my Slytherin Spotify playlist, which is titled “Slyth’ Life: The Sins of Somebody Else’s Past,” so, go check that out on Spotify.

Eric: Everybody listen to that. Yeah.

Andrew: So we’re going to take a little break. And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I did just see kids starting to go back to school in my own town, so I guess it’s true.

Laura: What?

Jason: It’s crazy.

Andrew: I know. August 7, they went back. I’m like, “Whoa!” On the other hand, I’m like, “Yeah, get out of here. I don’t want to see you during the day,” so it’s fine.

[Laura laughs]


[HelloFresh ad break]


Eric: Well, 50 Muggles is how many people turned up at our MuggleCast Live, our meet-up.

Andrew: [laughs] Sponsored by HelloFresh!

Laura: I was going to ask if that’s our rapper name. 50 Muggle.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Somebody get on that. The possibilities are endless.

Laura: AI art! Somebody do it.

Eric: Oh god.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: It’s time now to talk about what I am calling the greatest hoax ever perpetrated in Hogsmeade village, or maybe against Hogsmeade village. We’re going to find out. Here’s a quote from this chapter in Prisoner of Azkaban:

“This house” – Lupin looked miserably around the room, – “the tunnel that leads to it – they were built for my use. Once a month, I was smuggled out of the castle, into this place, to transform. The tree was placed at the tunnel mouth to stop anyone coming across me while I was dangerous.”

So Jason, you’ve got some questions here.

Jason: Yes, I was wondering, why are they using a Whomping Willow as the guardian of the entrance to this tunnel? It seems like they could have used some kind of spell or repelling charm, some kind of portrait that recognizes only Lupin… I don’t know, something. Why a Whomping Willow? Is it just because Dumbledore loves the drama of a violent tree?

Laura: Yes. That is the answer.

Andrew: Absolutely. And I love the steam we have picked up on in Chapter by Chapter: Dumbledore loves the chaos. He loves some mess going on around the school. And I picture Pillsbury Dough Boy Dumbledore just being like, “Ooh, this is going to be fun!” like, when you poke the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: There’s got to be a little danger.

Eric: But what was the in character…? What’s the canon explanation? What’s the contemporaneous explanation for why this tree is there? What did the fifth, sixth, or seventh year Hogwarts students think about this? If you’re coming to Hogwarts the first time, and yeah, there’s a Whomping Willow on the grounds, like Harry and Ron discover in their second year quite directly. [laughs] It’s just there. It’s just Hogwarts. It’s just this security nightmare, normal, everyday thing. But if you’re first putting it there, doesn’t that draw attention, actually, to what you’re trying to do in concealing a secret pathway? Or what would Dumbledore have said to explain it at the start of term feast?

Andrew: Could he just say it magically came out of nowhere? Like it just grew really big really quick? I guess that’s believable in the wizarding world.

Eric: Maybe he would have said that it’s like an endangered species of plant, and “Don’t get near it.” Like, “We’ve agreed to bring Willows back to the forefront” kind of a thing. Tree nurseries are totally a thing.

Andrew: Yeah, like, “This is an endangered species. Sprout thought this would be a good idea. It’d be a good lesson for the students.” It’d be all one big lie and you all would get to gleefully up the Dumbledore lie count, but it’s a good lie.

Eric: We’re going to do that anyway.

Micah: He’s Headmaster, though. Nobody is going to question his decisions. If he wants to plant a tree, let him plant a tree, right?

Andrew: Let him play in a dangerous tree. It’s fine.

Eric: Well, there’s this thing here, but it hits back, is the thing.

Micah: Well, most things that Hogwarts hit back.

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Damage you in some way.

Micah: My greater question is: Why was it never removed after Lupin left? Why is it on the Hogwarts grounds yours and years later? It’s a security nightmare.

Eric: I think it was because it was so successful, right, at actually achieving what it set out to do. So the idea is, although we don’t hear about any other werewolf students coming throughout the years, which would actually solve the big gaping plot hole here… it just is perfect. They already had it in place, so they kept it. Makes sense to me. Here’s another quote from Lupin:

“My transformations in those days were – were terrible. It is very painful to turn into a werewolf. I was separated from humans to bite, so I bit and scratched myself instead. The villagers heard the noise -“

Meaning the villages of Hogsmeade…

“… heard the noise and the screaming and thought they were hearing particularly violent spirits. Dumbledore encouraged the rumor… Even now, when the house has been silent for years, the villagers don’t dare approach it.”

So this is a lie that actually worked too well, in my mind. This is so good. If the shack was built the same year that Lupin came, which is what he says. He says, “This house and the tunnel were built for me.” A little bit more than just lying had to have occured here. I think this is Memory Charm territory. You have to convince… we’ve heard from earlier in the book that the Shrieking Shack is one of the oldest, most haunted dwellings in Britain. But if it’s from the ’70s, there’s probably, like, a conversation pit. It’s probably like very janky carpet…

Andrew: [laughs] Conversation pit.

Eric: Yeah, you know, all those ’70s features.

Andrew: Yeah, I saw Mad Men. I know what you’re talking about.

Eric: Well yeah, gross, but not haunted. An eyesore, sure, but not the most haunted dwelling in Britain. I’m thinking that you need to almost convince an entire village – which is a close-knit community, it’s the only all-wizarding community in Britain – that this house always was there or something, right? New houses don’t get haunted. So what exactly went into this whole hoax?

Laura: Yeah, it’s so interesting that you bring that up. Did they definitively say that the Shrieking Shack was built for Lupin?

Eric: He said the house and the tunnel were… I’ll get the exact quote. But yeah, he says, “It was built for me.”

Laura: Wow.

Andrew: Yeah, at the top of this header here. “This house – the tunnel that leads to it – they were built for my use.”

Laura: Okay, wow.

Andrew: The Lupin Shack.

Laura: That is so interesting. I never picked up on that. But you’re right, there’s this whole subtextual question about, okay, well, then how were people convinced that this happened? It had to be some kind of Memory Charm or something. Some kind of manipulation. Did he go around and place false memories for people?

Eric: These are crimes!

Laura: Crimes of Dumbledore.

Eric: I mean, here’s the thing. I really just want to up the Dumbledore lie count, which we’ve failed to do this entire book. Probably most of Chamber, actually. The lie count – what is it at, eight? And it has been eight since like, Sorcerer’s Stone? We need to up it. And if there’s Memory Charms involved, I’m suggesting we up it by, like, ten.

Andrew: Oh, stop. I’ll go for one. Ten?

Eric: He lied to at least ten people. Well, it’s a big lie, but here’s the thing: Nearly Headless Nick also is running interference. Ron asks him earlier in the book about the Shrieking Shack, and Nick says to Ron, “I heard a really dangerous crowd hangs out there.” And I’m thinking, what’s the backstory here? Does Nick actually believe that there’s rough spirits… which, convincing ghosts that there’s rough ghosts somewhere is another feat in and of itself. Or since Lupin was a Gryffindor, did Dumbledore come to Nick and say, “As the Gryffindor ghost, can you protect the anonymity of this student by starting to tell people that the shack is haunted?” Etc, etc, etc. Is there a narrative there where it’s like, Dumbledore also recruits the ghosts to tell other ghosts that that shack is haunted? Because you just get the Shrieking Shack, which has been empty and only ever was in use for the first seven years that it existed, but it’s the most haunted dwelling in Britain.

Jason: Well, I’m wondering if it’s like… maybe the house is new, but maybe the site, the land, the area was haunted before. Have you seen the movie Poltergeist? I’m wondering if it’s some kind of situation like that that’s happening, or… I don’t know.

Andrew: Well, I like that because if you’re disturbing the sacred land or this haunted land with the house, of course, the spirits on the land that was there and undisturbed are going to be annoyed about the Shrieking Shack, and thus could inhabit it and cause a stir.

Laura: Yeah, and I think part of this could be chalked up to community superstition. We all had a “haunted house” that we were aware of as kids, right? There was always a rumor that some house in your neighborhood or in your community was haunted, and there’s not really any good reason for believing that apart from the fact that everybody else believed it. So when you’re expecting to see creepy things, you will see creepy things. You’re putting the thought in your head, and you’re thus sort of perceiving that which you expect to perceive. So that’s part of this, I think.

Eric: I mean, the screams were real for about seven years, and they can’t have sounded great, especially when Lupin talks about what he was doing to himself. Obviously, it’s a huge deterrent. But it somehow morphed in its storytelling to be the most haunted dwelling in Britain, which may itself be a commentary on how the author feels about haunted houses, right? They’re secretly absolutely nothing, which is actually funny to me. I still find that very funny that the most haunted dwelling in Britain has been disused.

Micah: I think it’s just also another statement on things aren’t always what they appear to be, right? That is a major theme that runs throughout the course of this particular book, and probably a lot throughout the series, that things aren’t always what they seem to be. But Eric, you’re talking about how Lupin is scratching, biting, doing all these terrible things to himself. Do no other students notice this? Presumably, when he comes back from the Shrieking Shack – and I know Madam Pomfrey is with him for a period of time – but one would assume that regardless of how good her work is, students would notice that Lupin is disappearing for periods of time and then coming back to school and looking like he’s been in some sort of terrible accident.

Andrew: Makeup covering it up, with long sleeves.

Eric: Well, minor cuts and bruises… what does Madame Pomfrey say? She can heal wounds in an instant, or even mend bones. If you can do that kind of magic, there’s a potion that’ll heal you pretty much instantly. They will have noticed Lupin… the same thing that Harry notices, his professor looking more ragged and paler than ever with shabbier clothing. But the cuts and bruises aspect I think will mostly have been taken care of by Madame Pomfrey, who was – last week’s Quizzitch question – taking him to and from the shack. But here’s what happens: After the first year – we’re going to get into this as the second half of our discussion – when the rest of Lupin’s friends notice what he is, there’s immediately that wall of protection around him. So I don’t think anybody would have been able to view Lupin coming off of his werewolf transformation with any degree of scrutiny or closeness because you have the Marauders doing a flying V and protecting him. I think that once they discovered Lupin’s secret, they would have taken effort to make sure nobody else did, which is why it took the only person who ever did discover it, Snape, to learn it was years later. They would have protected it. But yeah, just wrapping up this hoax. Here’s what I think went down. I think that Dumbledore convinced Madam Rosmerta to say that the kitchen is broken at the Three Broomsticks and the only place people could go to in Hogsmeade was the Hog’s Head, where Dumbledore’s brother is the chef, and Dumbledore’s brother fed them all a potion that made them forget that the building wasn’t always there. And then they woke up saying, “Oh yeah, that Shrieking Shack has always been there.” And that’s how they did it.

Andrew: Okay. [laughs]

Laura; Yeah, I actually like it. Again, it fits in with this theme of Dumble-drama.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Dumble-drama. Has that been an episode title yet? I don’t think so.

Eric: Maybe. We’re going to cue the lightning because I’m glad you agree. I declare canon!

Andrew: Wait, do you want to declare canon, or Dumbledore lie count? Because we still have to formally do that as well.

Eric: Oh, he lied. Okay.

Andrew: Okay, all right.

[Dumbledore lie count sound effect plays]

Andrew: Okay. That needs a lightning bolt at the end of it, I think.

Laura: It does, yeah.

Eric: The Dumbledore lie count has officially been updated for the first time since, I don’t know, 2021? It is now at nine.

Laura: Yay!

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: But here’s my question: Is the lie for the Shrieking Shack, or is the lie to the rest of the student body that Lupin is a werewolf?

Eric: Okay, there’s two lies.

Jason: D, all of the above.

Eric: I think technically, there’s two lies

[Dumbledore lie count sound effect plays]

Eric: Okay, but we’re done. I don’t think we’re going to get another opportunity for this book. Dumbledore like count is now at ten.

Laura: Yeah, don’t worry; when we get to Order of the Phoenix, we’re going to be racking them up.

Jason: It’s like, every other sentence in that book.

Andrew: All right, it’s up to the milestone ten. Congratulations, everybody. I just have no fight left in me. [sighs] I’m on the floor. You guys beat me up.

Laura: Dumbledore made us those cookies at Christmas and we still haven’t forgiven him.

Andrew: No cookies this year. It’s fine. It’s fine for my wallet.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: I want those cookies, though. I’m at least apologetic about it. Andrew, you’ve been a good sport. So we know what happens with the rest of this chapter, and again, it’s a short chapter. Not a lot happens. But Harry’s Dad… this is Harry’s investment. He finds out that his dad… he says, “My father too?” Harry is invested in the story because it offers him the slimmest of insights into what James was like as a person, so Harry is hooked. But this whole Animagus thing… we actually received the transformation process on how to become an Animagus from Wizarding World. It might have actually been Potter-no-more, but it might actually have been Wizarding World. When I look at the the web page, it says, “Written by the Wizarding World team,” so I also wonder if this was originally from J.K. Rowling or not,

Andrew: And published on March 10, 2020, which I think was after they got rid of Pottermore.

Eric: So there’s a slight question of how canonical this is, but I really don’t think Wizarding World which often did like those lowball listicle type things would have really written this if it weren’t from the author.

Andrew: It’s so specific. There’s no way they hired somebody to just pull this out of thin air.

Eric: It took the Marauders three years, from their second to their fifth year, to do all of this, and you’ll understand why when we…

Andrew: This thing is insane, and Jason did a great job of offering some extra analysis for each step, almost every step, so I’m looking forward to hearing what you have to say, Jason.

Eric: Yeah, let’s do a rotating host thing of the steps. We’ll start with Andrew.

Andrew: Okay, so Step 1 is do your homework in Transfiguration and Potions, at least. Becoming an Animagus requires a witch or wizard to be skilled in both these areas in order to stand a chance of achieving such a complex transformation.

Eric: This reminds me of when Tonks is talking about how to be a Metamorphmagus and how she’s very clumsy and isn’t good at most magic, but the ones that make you more sneaky and things are definitely the ones like self-transfiguration. Okay, and here’s an interesting one, and probably my favorite step. Step 2: Carry a single Mandrake leaf in your mouth for an entire month. From full moon to full moon – shout-out to full moons. Yeah, we’re serious. If you swallow the leaf or remove it from your mouth at any point, you have to start the thing again. No one likes to see that happen. You then have to find a “small crystal phial” that receives the pure rays of the moon. Put your saliva-filled leaf inside and add one of your own hairs.

Andrew: Nope.

Laura: Ew.

Eric: This is some straight-up werewolf/Polyjuice/whatever else is going on here process, and I love it.

Andrew: I’m out. I’m out, though. It’s Step 2 of 8. Because think about… I like chewing gum. Think about how you want to get rid of the gum after 30-45 minutes in your mouth. You’ve got to keep that Mandrake leaf in your mouth for a whole month? Think how tasteless that’s going to be. What about eating other food? You’ve got to store it like a chipmunk in the side of your mouth before you swallow the rest of your food. This is crazy.

Laura: Or what about brushing your teeth? Did James, Sirius, and Peter just have stank breath for an entire month?

Eric: There are charms for that. You can you can “Evanesco” the bad breath, can’t you?

Laura: Send it to poop mountain.

Andrew: And there’s a running joke – let’s call it that – that people in Britain have bad teeth, peace and love, peace and love. Maybe everybody’s trying to become an Animagus.

[Jason laughs]

Laura: Please forward all complaints to andrew@mugglecast@gmail.com.

Andrew: [laughs] Yes, that’s totally a real email.

Micah: It is now.

Eric: So Jason, you had some thoughts on this Mandrake thing.

Jason: Yeah, so I was just curious about all these different ingredients that are happening here because I feel like the author is very specific when she chooses different ingredients for things. There’s always intention behind it. So I was just looking at, what are mandrakes? They come up in Book 2, and then they’re again in here. They were once considered the most important plant of the Mediterranean region. They were used in a variety of medicinal purposes, as well as witchcraft. It was believed that mandrakes could cure almost everything. They could foretell the future, and they could also shield a soldier in battle. I just thought that was really interesting.

Andrew: That is.

Eric: That’s a real palate cleanser.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: And you definitely need one after a month.

Eric: Oh, god.

Jason: Right? And also, hair comes up in many potions in this series. And I was just wondering, yeah, what is that all about? So it’s traditionally been a pretty important part of a lot of different witchcraft, and is used in a lot of potions throughout history. It symbolizes physical strength and virility.

Eric: The other thing about knowing that James, Peter, and Sirius were doing this in order to help their friend who’s a werewolf, whose cycle is judged by the moon, there’s something really interesting in knowing that the crystal phial has to be filled at the full moon, they have to wear the Mandrake leaf – well, not wear it – put it in their mouth for a month from full moon to full moon. It’s really interesting. It’s almost as if they’re harnessing… it’s almost as if this whole process goes by the same magic that causes werewolves to transform, more or less. The moon cycles are viewed as this very transformative time. But of course, there’s more that we could talk about, about how that affects Mughal humans as well. I will say, too, how did the children get away with it? Wouldn’t the teachers have noticed that James doesn’t speak for a month? Or sounds a little funky? Did they do it the same month or did they alternate? Because one student being kind of quiet – even James, a huge troublemaker – kind of quiet, okay, but three of the four of them not speaking for a month? Did they convince the teachers they were on a speaking strike? Why didn’t that raise more alarm bells?

Laura: Maybe they stayed at Hogwarts over the winter holidays and did it then, when no one was there. Maybe they did it over the summer.

Eric: Hmm. All right, who’s going to read Step 3?

Micah: I’ll read it. Add a silver teaspoon of dew from a place that the sun don’t shine.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Oh, sorry, that neither sunlight nor human feet have touched for a full seven days. And if that wasn’t hard enough, you then have to add the chrysalis of a death.

Andrew: A Croissant.

Micah: Croissant. Excuse me.

Eric: Oh, croissant. Oh, we’re into baking now.

Micah: The chrysalis of a Death’s-head hawkmoth to the crystal phial as well. Then put this mixture in a quiet dark place and leave it alone until the next electrical storm, and really leave it alone. Don’t even look at it. Don’t even think about looking at it.

Andrew: Okay, and I want to amend what I said about Rowling writing this. I bet she gave them rough notes, like the facts, the bare bones facts, and then they punched it up with some color because clearly a lot of this was not written by Rowling.

Eric: Don’t even look at it. Don’t even think about looking at it!

Jason: Don’t even think about it!

Andrew: Or “Yes, we’re serious” in Step 2.

Eric: Right. But dew from a place that neither sunlight nor human feet have touched, I don’t even know how you’d find such a place.

Andrew: A cave.

Eric: And before television? How do you know when an electrical storm is going to occur? Specifically an electrical storm. Not all storms, presumably, are electrical storms, so I don’t even know. I’m lost. I would fail.

Jason: You have to keep your eye out on the sky.

Eric: A chrysalis is the insect pupa, so the transformation from egg to caterpillar to chrysalis and an adult. It’s once they’re a caterpillar, before they become a butterfly.

Laura: What about the moths? Jason?

Jason: Yeah, Death’s-head hawkmoths. That sounds really intense to me. So I was like, what is that? They’re these huge, crazy moths that are very common in Britain, apparently. They have been used in literature throughout history, including Shakespeare, to symbolize death and the fear of death, which is why they’re called Death’s-head hawkmoths. If you look on their back, they have a patterning that kind of looks like a skull. I was wondering, could that symbolize the death of your being and your rebirth as your Animagus?

Andrew: I could definitely see that.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: If you look at death, the tarot card, it means change. Transformation. A new beginning.

Micah: Can you get one of these in Animal Crossing?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: They are Hufflepuff colors. That’s fun.

Laura: That’s a really good call-out. Thanks for looking that up, Jason. It says Step 4: While waiting for the transfiguration to begin, you must place your wand tip over your heart every sunrise and sundown and speak the following incantation: “Amato Animo Animato Animagus.” Oh man, I need to do that again.

Andrew: Oh, you failed! You’ve got to start all the way at the beginning again.

Jason: Start over at Step 1.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: No. “Amato Animo Animato Animagus.” There you go. If you keep repeating your incantation, there will come a time when, with the touch of the wand tip to the chest, a second heartbeat may be sensed. Don’t change anything! Keep going. Keep waiting for that storm!

Andrew: Wow, inspiring. And Jason, you have another storm call-out here.

Jason: Yeah, so lightning storms also in literature and historically represent uncertainty, madness, or chaos.

Andrew: Cool.

Eric: 1.21 gigawatts!

[Laura laughs]

Micah: I will say, I think this is a great thing to include in Hogwarts Legacy, to make this a mission.

Andrew: No, absolutely not. An eight-step quest? All of this?

Eric: A three-year mission?

Andrew: I was actually thinking that while reading through this list.

Micah: What else you gonna do on a DLC?

Andrew: If I saw this quest, I would be like, I’m never beating that. I’m never doing that one. It’s too much work.

Laura: Oh my god.

Micah: Come on.

Laura: No! I would love it. I’m a completionist, so I would love it.

Eric: You have to hold down L2 for a month.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Exactly!

Eric: To keep it under your tongue for a month. You can’t even sit down in this game, but you’ve got to hold the Mandrake root under your tongue.

Laura: And then at sunrise and sunset every day, you have to take your controller and hold it against your heart and repeat this incantation.

Eric: You shake the controller to the syllables “Amato Animo Animato Animagus.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: All right, Jason, do you want to take Step 5?

Jason: As soon as lightning appears in the sky, go to the place where you’ve hidden your crystal phial. At last! If you’ve done everything right, then you will discover a mouthful of blood red potion inside it. Then move somewhere where you aren’t going to alarm anyone or place yourself in physical danger during your transformation. An Animagus transformation party is definitely a bad idea. And to that I say, an Animagus transformation party sounds so fun. I’m wondering if the Marauders did this?

Laura: They did. It’s like a reveal, right? Because you find out what you’re going to turn into.

Eric: An animal reveal party, with potential devastating consequences. A forest could burn down. Yeah, this whole thing… I knew where this was going once you put like the moth in the vial, or the chrysalis stage and then like it becomes a potion… yeah, sorry, you’re going to have to drink the potion, guys.

Andrew: We need to come up with a playlist for the party. I’m thinking “Roar” by Katy Perry.

Eric: Oh, this is such a thing that we need to do!

Micah: Maybe that’s what I’ll do instead of Ravenclaw Part 2. I’ll do a Spotify playlist for the Animagus transformation party.

Andrew: U2 has a song called “Electrical Storm.” Katy Perry also did a song for the Pokémon movie called “Electric.” We can find something about eating leaves or something.

Eric: There’s an “Electric Slide.”

Andrew: Step 6: Place your wand tip against your heart and speak the incantation, “Amato Animo Animato Animagus,” and drink the potion. You will then feel fiery pain – lucky you – and an intense double heartbeat. Oh no, I don’t need a heart palpitation going on. And Jason, again, a great breakdown here of what each of these words means.

Jason: Yeah, so it’s all Latin. As we know, we love Latin in this series. So “Amato” is “I love” or “I am obliged to.” “Animo” means “animal.” “Animato” means “I animate” or “I fill with breath or life.” And then “Animagus” is a portmanteau of “Animo” and “Magus,” which is “animal” and “wizard.” So altogether, this incantation makes a lot of sense. It’s saying, “I love the animal, I animate it, I fill it with the breath of life, and now I’m an animal wizard.”

Eric: Wow. Yeah, that’s really cool.

Laura: I love that this establishes the Animagus as like, a separate life and entity altogether.

Eric: Yeah. And this is where we get into the real dangers, which is why they warn against Animagus parties. Step 7 leads into it, but it’s Step 8 that’s truly terrifying. Step 7 is: The shape of the creature into which you will shortly transform will appear in your mind. The instructions then warn, you must show no fear. It is too late now to escape the change you have willed. Yikes! “Yikes” is part of the step, I think.

Laura: Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

Micah: I feel like they should only have seven steps, if it isn’t.

Eric: Yeah, well, Step 7 is kind of a BS step.

Micah: We’ll combine the two together, how about that? So Step 8: When your transformation is complete, you are strongly advised to pick up your wand and hide it somewhere safe so you can find it post-transformation. To return to human form, visualize your human self as clearly as you can. Don’t worry if you don’t change back immediately. With practice, you’ll be able to slip in and out of your animal form at will, simply by visualizing the creature. Once you’re an advanced Animagus, you should be able to transform without your wand.

Jason: So I was thinking, depending on what animal you turn into… like what if you turn into a worm or a caterpillar? And they’re like, “Okay, and then hide your wand!” It’s like, how am I going to hide my wand as a worm?

[Jason and Laura laugh]

Eric: I think you hide it outside of yourself.

Andrew: Buried somewhere.

Jason: But am I doing that after my transformation as a worm? Or am I out there as a worm digging a hole and putting my wand in it?

Andrew: Worms do go into the ground themselves, right? I see what you’re saying.

Eric: Yeah, because your wand needs to be placed against your heart when you initiate the transformation, but then you need a quick place to stow it before…

Andrew: It’s another step, really. It’s hide your wand at the same time as you’re transforming.

Micah: I guess that part of it makes more sense, Andrew, versus once you’re fully transformed. Because think of Rita Skeeter. How would she hide her wand as something so small? She’d not have the strength to do that.

Andrew: I’m going to be something very large, so I’m not going to have this problem.

Micah: I see.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yeah, we’re going to talk about Animagi.

Micah: I did want to mention, too, for connecting the threads a bit, we do get introduced to an Animagus in the very first chapter of the series in Professor McGonagall, but we’re not explicitly told what it is, and that’s something that J.K. Rowling is very good at doing. We were talking about hiding things in plain sight; it definitely happens with McGonagall in the first chapter of Sorcerer’s Stone.

Eric: That’s a great point. So I think canonically, we can all agree that the Marauders have each seen each other naked.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Just throwing that out there. No further point.

Laura: The Wolfstar shippers are all about it.

[Andrew laughs]

Andrew: That just caught me off-guard. I was like, okay, yeah.

Eric: And Jason, you have another point here, just about what if your animal form is a water-dwelling creature that can’t breathe above ground and you didn’t know it until this very moment when you’re transforming? And it’s like, “Wait, I’m a fish? I have to find a lake!”

Jason: Right? Or a dolphin and I’m like, “I need seawater. I can’t just go in the Great Lake at Hogwarts; that probably won’t work.” I don’t know. Maybe a dolphin would.

Andrew: You need to be safe. You need to be on a shoreline, so if you do transform into a sea creature, you can just toss yourself into the water when it happens.

Jason: If you transform into a whale, then you’re just a beached whale.

Eric: Aww.

Andrew: [laughs] Oh, that explains all the beached whales we keep seeing. They’re Animagi.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: They actually didn’t come from the ocean; they were just on the coast when they transformed. Figured it out.

Eric: Honestly, after reading about this whole process, it does make sense why – a few weeks’ ago Quizzitch answer – seven people have done this in the last century. Really not that many. It probably doesn’t appeal to a lot of people. I’d be interested in picking McGonagall’s brain about why she did it. But it’s a lot of work and you may not like the reward.

Micah: Part of me wonders how much time you have between Step 7 and Step 8 because if you are able to visualize what you are, Jason, maybe then you can get yourself to the appropriate location before you fully transform. So if you are a fish or a dolphin or any other sea creature, you can find your way to the ocean or to a lake. But that’s just my headcanon.

Eric: So we have a few Animagus points, but first I do want to ask what Animagus would we all think that we would be?

Andrew: Well, I’m just going to say what I want to be, which is an orca whale because I loved them as a child and I want to be taking down yachts across the world.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Andrew wants to eat the rich.

Eric: With a righteous fury. Oh my god. Okay, that’s great. Well, this whole talk about dolphins and whales interests me because I think living in the water, or being able to survive underwater and go deep, would be probably the most exciting thing for me next to flying, which leads to my choice. So I figured I would want to fly, and in consulting Meg about like, “But is it really realistic for me to be a bird? I feel like an owl is too one certain way or an eagle is too, like, another certain way.” And Meg had the idea, and I agreed with it immediately: I would be a pigeon. Because they’re urbanites, they’re very social creatures, and you often catch them, especially in the colder months, cuddling.

Laura: Aww.

Andrew: Cute.

Eric: So that’s the sweet explanation. But yeah, I think pigeon 100% would be my Animagus form.

Laura: I love that. Mine would be a raccoon. This is for a couple of different reasons. First of all, when I think about raccoons, the word that immediately comes to mind is “resourceful.” And that’s something that I value, so I could see myself doing that. The other side of this is I love Rocket Raccoon, so there’s that connection. But like you, Eric, I also consulted my significant other in asking, “Hey, what would my Animagus be?” And he was like, “You’d be a raccoon.” And I was like, “Are you saying I’m a trash panda?”

[Jason and Laura laugh]

Eric: That was my first… I was like, “Okay, Laura choose to be a trash panda. All right, here we do.”

Laura: Listen, they’re adorable, though, at the end of the day. They are trash pandas, but they make the best with what they have.

Jason: They’re so cute.

Laura: I know, and they’re very cute. So I could see myself being a raccoon. Plus, their little hands are so adorable.

Eric: They do have little hands.

Jason: I was going to mention their little hands. They’re so cute.

Andrew: [laughs] No, no, no, no, no, and no.

Laura: You wouldn’t hang out with me?

Andrew: No, I wouldn’t. [laughs] I’d swim out to sea, or I’d eat you.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: I chose a lemur.

Eric: Aww.

Laura: They’re very cute.

Micah: I mean, I like the ability to climb, get into tough places. And actually, when I was doing some research, it says that for some folks, lemurs are the symbol of good luck. And they connote kindness, respect, positivity, and the importance of remembering familial connections, while honoring one’s teachers and elders.

Eric: It’s perfect for you.

Micah: They’re also really nasty to humans.

Eric: Oh!

Micah: So I thought that that kind of split dynamic worked.

Laura: I don’t blame them, honestly.

Eric: They get one island. They live on Madagascar.

Micah: That’s right.

Andrew: And then Jason, we got your answer earlier, but anything else you want to add about being a falcon?

Jason: Falcons are very strong, independent, they don’t really need other people around them, which is kind of me. I don’t know.

Andrew: Independent, okay.

Jason: And then, I just love the idea of being able to fly. That sounds amazing. And I thought about being some sort of fish or dolphin or something, but the ocean scares me, so that’s a no for me.

Eric: You’re right to be scared about the ocean.

Micah: I’m with you. We don’t know what’s down there, like, really down there.

Andrew: Well, I do, because I’m…

Jason: It’s a wild, crazy place.

Eric: Andrew knows, but there’s not a lot of natural predators for orca whales.

Andrew: Orca Andrew knows.

Eric: Yeah, orca Andrew. Maybe that’s the episode title. So yeah, getting back to the chapter. What’s interesting is that the presence of Lupin’s Animagi friends helped him keep his head a little bit, not physically, but mentally he felt more like himself, so much so that they began to roam the grounds of the castle and the village, even. Lupin ceased to… it’s almost as if somebody else was the alpha in Lupin’s transformation.

Micah: To me, it seems a bit convenient that werewolves don’t attack other animals; they only attack humans. Because I would imagine that a stag would seem a proper meal for a werewolf.

Eric: I mean, you’re right. You’re not wrong. The idea that werewolves are only a threat to humans in this world is very… I always forget that. And then it’s said, I think, at least twice in this chapter, so twice in nine pages. You know it’s important. But yeah, I don’t know why. It’s just convenience in the plot, I guess.

Micah: Yeah. And I know it’s mentioned, too, that there were a number of near misses when they were transformed, but it seemed very strange that nobody noticed a dog, a stag, a werewolf, and a rat running around together on the grounds of Hogwarts.

Eric: The only thing I’ll say to this is… bedtime, because it was always after dark in that moonlight hour, and we know how strict Hogwarts enforces its bed policy.

Andrew: And if anybody went to Dumbledore about it, he’d be like, “Ooh, I don’t know, oohoohoo.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yeah, well, the only time Harry sees Sirius on the grounds of Hogwarts – besides the Quidditch thing – is late at night. In the middle of the night, he and Crookshanks are working. I just assumed they operated nocturnally, basically.

Micah: But then Lupin is betraying Dumbledore’s trust by going out of the Shrieking Shack as a werewolf.

Eric: Yeah. And that’s a big character moment for Lupin. Lupin essentially is wracked with guilt over the fact that he went out, that he doesn’t tell Dumbledore the whole year that Sirius is an Animagus, so it’s lies upon lies upon lies.


Odds & Ends


Eric: I think we’re ready for the odds and ends of the chapter. Something to note: Snape reveals himself at the end of the chapter. He was able to come in wearing Harry’s Invisibility Cloak. But my question is… there’s this loud creak, the door opens, Lupin walks right up to it and is like, “Hmm, no one there.” Does he not know a spell or some way of checking? Because we later found out from the author that the way Dumbledore can “see through” Harry’s Cloak is that he’s silently casting the Homenum revelio charm, and it’s revealing to Dumbledore that there is someone there. That’s clearly not a trick Lupin picked up. And after all those years of experience with James’s cloak, they still aren’t able to, I don’t know, figure out that somebody really is there? Kind of questionable.

Micah: It’s a good point, but also, I’m curious: When Lupin discovers both Pettigrew and Sirius on the map, why does he not get Dumbledore? He’s just like, “I’m going to go run off to the tree by myself.”

Eric: It’s the same reason he forgets to take his potion, right? Contrivances of the plot.

Laura: Well, he’s also ashamed, right? I think he later goes on to say that the reason he never confided in Dumbledore about any of this is because he was ashamed of taking advantage of Dumbledore’s trust, and he didn’t want to reveal himself as someone who had done something like that to someone who did so much for him.

Eric: Yeah. And just as a note, there’s this line in the chapter about… Lupin says, “The map never lies.” I think that makes it into the movie because now I’m hearing it David Thewlis’s voice. But essentially, the map can see through the Invisibility Cloak, and that’s how this whole thing got started. But if the map can see through the Invisibility Cloak, and Moody’s eye can see through the Invisibility Cloak – we find that out next book – then I think we have to finally divorce ourselves from “The Tale of the Three Brothers” magical Cloakness of Death himself not being able to see through it and find the brother because it’s flawed. Everyone but Lupin can see through this Cloak.

[Jason laughs]

Micah: I’m trying to I’m trying to remember. I think Gary Oldman actually says it, “The map never lies.”

Eric: He’s so committed to it, and it’s like, “Why? You haven’t explained any of this.” Just an interesting odd and end. And if we go to connecting the threads real quickly, we actually hear the Snape prank/werewolf trick be explained a little bit. This is the moment that Dumbledore chose to tell Harry at the end of Book 1, the question about why Snape isn’t a bad guy. Dumbledore says that Snape was protecting him because his father saved Snape’s life. So we hear it from a different angle in this chapter. It’s very satisfying, really pisses Snape off to the point where he reveals himself. But it’s just so interesting that, just like McGonagall showing up as an Animagus in Chapter 1, all these ties to Book 1 and the very beginning. The DNA has been in the series since the beginning.

Micah: One other thing I just wanted to call out is we spend a lot of time talking about everybody except Peter Pettigrew, but Peter is really the key for them to be able to get through the Whomping Willow to the Shrieking Shack because he is small enough to go and touch that knot that we see Crookshanks on earlier in this book. It’s very appropriate, though, as well, that he transforms into a rat because that is exactly what he is.

Eric: Yes, he is. Yes, he is a rat. Yeah, you could do it with a stick, but it’s much easier just to have Peter there. That concludes our discussion of the second shortest chapter in all the Harry Potter books.


MVP of the Week


Eric: It’s time for MVP of the week.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: I’m going to give it to Dumbledore for creating the sneaky snack. The sneaky shack.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: Okay, that’s the title.

Andrew: You know he’s had a sneaky snack or two as well. Maybe Dumbledore’s delights. But yeah, shout-out to Dumbledore. I’ve got to protect my boy since he was attacked twice this episode.

Jason: Sneaky snack for the Dumble-drama.

Eric: There we go.

Andrew: That could be the title.

Eric: I’m going to give mine to Snape for successfully getting into the shack despite all these people knowing what the cloak is.

Laura: I’m going to give it to the superstition. Honestly, if it weren’t for the superstition, whether it was a natural social phenomenon or whether Dumbledore planted false memories in people’s minds, the superstition is what kept the facade of the Shrieking Shack being haunted alive and kept Lupin safe.

Micah: Nice. I have to stick true to one of my Quizzitch names, “If the shack is a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’,” so I have to give it to the shack itself for doing its job and taking a beating at the hands of werewolf Lupin.

Jason: And then I am giving mine to the Marauders for becoming Animagi.

Andrew: Sneaky snack. Animagi.

Jason: They went through that whole crazy 27,000-step process, and that’s pretty impressive.

[MVP of the Week music ends]

Andrew: All right, well, if you the listener have any feedback about today’s episode or the chapters ahead, you can send an owl to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use the contact form on MuggleCast.com. To send a voice message, just record it using the Voice Memo app on your phone and then email us that file, or use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE, that’s 1-920-368-4453. And next week, we’ll discuss Chapter 19 of Prisoner of Azkaban, “The Servant of Lord Voldemort.”


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for some Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question, who did Snape see Lupin traveling with on the grounds of Hogwarts toward the Whomping Willow in the 1970s? Key part there: 1970s. And the correct answer was Madame Pomfrey, or Poppy Pomfrey. Correct answers were submitted to us by Loony, Mocktail, Crew cut, and Thongs; Laura Master of the Universe; Luke H. the 11-year-old; Raise the Dumby lie count; Snape’s one big chance for fame and glory beautiful glory all mine all mine; Snoopy 199; Spoo-getti; The only canon I remember is from All the Young Dudes; Wolfstar sitting in a Whomping Willow tree; Your local Irish leprechaun; Rubblier plank; Elizabeth K. Bob; and Definitely not Micah. Okay, I trust it. Next week’s Quizzitch question: Who casts Expelliarmus against Snape in the Shrieking Shack? Submit your answer to us over on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or click on Quizzitch from the main nav bar on MuggleCast.com.

[Quizzitch music ends]


Outro


Andrew: Don’t forget, we would love your support on Patreon. Now if you’re a Spotify user and you support us on Patreon, you can get our Patreon audio benefits right within Spotify, which is really nice. If you’re a Spotify user and you don’t support us on Patreon, tap that banner on the MuggleCast page within Spotify and you’ll be able to pledge and get these audio benefits. We do two bonus MuggleCast installments per month. We’ve got the MuggleCast Collector’s Club. I think maybe next week – if not next week, definitely the week after – we will reveal this year’s wave of stickers that everybody in the Collector’s Club will be getting. And of course, beanies will be going out, too, to our Slug Club patrons in another month or so, I think. Maybe a month or two? Definitely they’ll be ready for you for fall.

Jason: Yay, I can’t wait.

Andrew: Yeah! Being in Salt Lake, Jason. And Jason, thanks so much for coming on the show today.

Jason: Absolutely, this was super fun.

Andrew: It was great having you on. Thank you so much for all your contributions, and thanks for your support on Patreon. That’s another perk at the Slug Club level, you can get in the queue to co-host MuggleCast one day. A couple other reminders: If you’re an Apple Podcast user and you don’t support us on Patreon, for just $2.99 a month, you can receive ad-free and early access to MuggleCast right within the Apple Podcast app. Patreon does offer more benefits, but if you’d prefer to support us right within Apple Podcast, we totally get it. You can do it right there. There is a free trial available as well, just like there is on Patreon. And if you enjoy the show and think other Muggles would too, tell a friend about MuggleCast. We’d also appreciate if you left us a review on your favorite podcast app. And last but not least, don’t forget to follow us on social media. We are @MuggleCast on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, and Threads, and there’s a lot of great coverage led by Chloé on on the social media channels from LeakyCon, so be sure to check that out.

Micah: I was going to say a special shout-out to Chloé for all the great coverage that she had at LeakyCon, as well as jumping on the MuggleCast Live that we did on Saturday, which we will be releasing over Labor Day weekend.

Eric: Can I tell how much she crushed us on Making the Connection when we did that? There were some crazy connections given to us.

Andrew: Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Jason: And I’m Jason.

Andrew: Thanks again, Jason. Bye, everybody.

Everyone: Bye!

[Show music plays]


Bloopers


Micah: Well, another thing that came to mind, though, too, with this being such a short chapter is just… I don’t know. I totally lost my train of thought, so you can scrap that.

Andrew: That is a very good point, Micah. I agree.

Laura: Well said.

Andrew: Let’s clip that for social.

Micah: Yeah, bloopers. We do bloopers, right?

[Andrew laughs]

Transcript #606

 

MuggleCast 606 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #606, A Harry Potter TV Reboot is Coming!? We React and Pitch Opportunities


[“Max That” sound effect plays]


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And we’re going to be talking about the big, big news today. And clearly, it sets us up for a long future with you, the listener. And speaking of you, are you new to the show? Make sure you’re following the podcast for free in your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode. And if you are new to the show, here’s what you need to know about us: We’re your Harry Potter friends. It’s just that simple. So gang, we’ve been friends for a really long time. I’m not sure we ever imagined seeing this day. [laughs]

Laura: 18 years later.

Micah: Certainly not this soon.

Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: Right. The big news, if you haven’t heard by now, is that Warner Bros. is reportedly working on a deal for a television reboot of the original seven Harry Potter books. The news was initially reported by Bloomberg on Monday, April 3, and it was quickly backed up by Variety and Deadline, so three very reputable Hollywood trade sources. There seems to be agreement between the publications that they’re aiming to give each book one season of television. According to Deadline, J.K. Rowling will be a producer, but not the showrunner. Bloomberg added that under the deal, Rowling would maintain a degree of creative involvement with the series, though she would not serve as primary creator. Deadline added that the importance of the Harry Potter brand has only grown after Warner Media and Discovery merged last year, and Deadline says they’ll look for a writer after a deal with J.K. Rowling’s team closes. So those are some of the basics.

Micah: It’s clear now what David Zaslav went to talk to J.K. Rowling about not that long ago, right?

Andrew: Yeah, there was a report about that. And I think I read in one of these reports, they’ve spoken together multiple times now.

Eric: Yeah. And like you’re saying, Andrew, this has been a rumor in the past that seems to finally be gaining the traction. But in anticipation of this day coming, we actually have more than one MuggleCast episode devoted previously to the idea of a Harry Potter TV series, both an episode where we gave our dream casting… although that was about 120 episodes ago on 483, so all of our youngins probably have grown up since then; we need to recast with even younger actors, I’m sure.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: And then, of course, we pitched just a whole variety of TV show premises that we wanted to do if they weren’t going to reboot the books, which seems to be what they’re doing. And that was Episode 566.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, yeah. And it’s possible there will be an official announcement during an event that HBO and WB are holding on April 12, but that’s not confirmed yet. There will be an event. Will the deal be closed by then? I feel like it’s a little too soon for that, but maybe some of this reporting isn’t entirely accurate and there will be an announcement on April 12. And we are currently recording, by the way, on Thursday, April 6.

Eric: Man, a midweek recording. This was like a “Drop everything and get online.” This was like when the Robert Galbraith news came out. This is like the…

Micah: Well, hold on.

Andrew: Wait, we’re going pretend this was spur of the moment? [laughs]

Micah: No, no. Well, I was going to say, Andrew and I did drop everything and get online to do an Instagram Live with Chloé, our Social Media Manager, which was a lot of fun.

Eric: Oh, right.

Micah: Coincidentally, this midweek recording was already planned.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: So Andrew, did you know this was coming down the line?

Andrew: Well, I knew that if we played that “Max that” sound effect enough times during Chapter by Chapter, we would will this into existence. Little did we know that “Max that” would actually be every little thing in the Harry Potter books. [laughs]

Laura: We manifested.

Eric: Wait, Andrew, are we recording on Thursday because by Saturday you’re going to be in LA there to announce this – or on the 12th – to announce this with Warner Bros.?

Andrew: I was planning on joking that if I’m not here next week, it’s because I’m trying to be appointed showrunner, because, you know, maybe I won’t be here next week.

Eric: Oh. You would have my support.

Micah: That’s why you’re coming to New York.

Andrew: Right, sure. All these theories? True. Every single one.

Micah: Nothing to do with Bruce. It has everything to do with Warner Bros.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: But I’m curious to get Eric and Laura’s initial thoughts here. Andrew, I mentioned you and I did the IG Live, but I want to know what Eric and Laura think.

Laura: Yeah, I think this is a massive opportunity to bring the wizarding world, specifically the Harry Potter story, into 2023 and make it resonate with audiences, both old audiences and new ones. I also think there is a ton of potential here to expand on the wizarding world through Harry Potter. What we talked about in our original “Max that” episode discussion were some areas where the story could be further fleshed out: thinking about having an entire episode dedicated to the lost day that fans have wanted to know about for at least 20 years at this point, going further into the lore behind Azkaban, learning more about St. Mungo’s… there’s just a ton of opportunity here to flesh this world out further, a ton of opportunity to make the Harry Potter story more diverse and representative of the world that we live in. And a great opportunity to find some new, unknown young actors to bring the trio to life once again. I’m excited.

Eric: I like what you said there, Laura, at the end there about giving an opportunity to find a young trio, because what I go back to in thinking about this and turning it over in my head is the Stranger Things cast, who were relative unknowns at the time that they were cast on Netflix’s big hit show. They have yet to release the final season of that show, but they’re household names, some of them are household names, and certainly the show has done extremely well the world over and become very popular. And so I think, much like Dan, Rupert, and Emma and all of the cast that have seen some success and really got their footing on the Harry Potter films, grown up to become very activist, very political minded, very equality-based young adults, I want to see more of that good nature and good vibe from a TV show that’s going to be as watched as this one.

Andrew: I’m very excited, too. I’m still kind of in shock that this is actually happening. I’m kind of surprised, and it’s also sad to an extent that they’re already defaulting back to rebooting the original books. They tried with Fantastic Beasts; it didn’t work out. They apparently have no other ideas that they’re feeling confident in, so they’re just reverting back to what in some ways is the easiest idea. It will not be easy to create this, but it’s the easiest idea. Am I mad about that? Not really, because this is what I think many of us have wanted: a television adaptation of the books, because the movies left so much out, and understandably so. So I’m just very excited to think about the potential here. To another extent, it’s stressing me out because now it’s like, “Okay, here it is. Here’s what we’ve been waiting for. Oh my goodness, please do not screw this up, Warner Bros. Get this right, and expand in ways we’ve never seen before,” to Laura’s point about, I think you mentioned, like, St. Mungo’s. We have some feedback. So many people have brought up the Marauders to us; “Why aren’t they doing a Marauder series?” Well, unfortunately, they’re not. I mean, that one seems like such an obvious one. But what about in the Prisoner of Azkaban television season, they spend a whole episode going back in time to give us the story of the Marauders? This is what I’m hoping for, spending a standalone episode just exploring different stories that we wanted that don’t exactly fit into the HP timeline.

Laura: That’s where my head is at too.

Eric: That was the craziest thing that you said, Laura, that I got giddy about, because if they do decide to do the missing day, they have to start with that, more or less. That’s the beginning of our story. It’s not the dull gray Tuesday on which our story starts. It’s the Monday prior.

Andrew: [laughs] The Monday prior.

Eric: It’s Dumbledore doing his whole, “All right, we’ve got to prep a street, we’ve got to get it all safe…”

Micah: But I think you can do that now, though, because the story is already out there. There’s nothing more that you really need to find. It is the lost day, but my point is you could really begin the story with James and Lily being murdered by Voldemort, maybe even what went into his decision-making in choosing the Potters versus choosing the Longbottoms. Again, because the story is already out there. It’s not like we’re waiting for another book to drop so that we can get that full plot; pieces were missing as we worked our way through the last couple of books. But what I find fascinating about all of this is with the first series, there was so much pressure that was placed on Dan, Emma, Rupert, David Heyman, all of the directors. Now I feel like there’s even more pressure that is going to be on the shoulders of whoever takes the place of Dan, Emma, Rupert, and whoever is at the helm of this production because, Andrew, to your point, there haven’t been many successful endeavors on the part of Warner Bros. since Deathly Hallows – Part 2 came out in July of 2011. You can look at the Fantastic Beasts series. You can also look, putting Warner Bros. aside, at Cursed Child, right? The narrative that has been written about that, the narrative that was written for Fantastic Beasts, it has not been well received overall. So it is kind of sad in a way that we’re already going back to that source material and rebooting the entire series. I agree there has to be the expansion element of it that Laura initially touched on. I think the one key word that you kept repeating, Laura, too, is “opportunity.” There’s a ton of opportunity here, but it needs to be done the right way.

Laura: Yeah, that opportunity comes with a big if. Right?

Andrew: [laughs] Right.

Eric: And what is that big if? Because I know what mine would be, but what is yours?

Laura: Well, I think there are several. One is if it’s not an attempt to rehash ground that the movies already covered, if there isn’t an attempt to expand the story, make it a little deeper, make it its own thing compared to the movies, compared to even the books, right? Because there is a ton to do creatively with these stories. I think maybe some would see it as a risk to do some of those things, but if there isn’t a risk, if they try to play it too safe and say, “We’re just going to regurgitate the same story we’ve already told before, just in a TV format,” I think it’ll fall flat. So they need to be brave.

Eric: Well, what I’m hearing here is, too, bring on a variety of writers.

Laura: Yep. 100%.

Eric: Finally let other people… this is how TV works. You have a team of writers, traditionally, with serialized storytelling of this high caliber. And J.K. Rowling’s credential as a writer of live action adaptation has been questioned and tested; the final Fantastic Beasts film, they brought in the screenwriter of the films, Steve Kloves, to assist with that. She’s not going to find herself having the time to rewrite what’s already been written. There will be, hopefully, a team of people with modern television sensibilities in mind in every sense, that is meant to really make it a hit show for this era. To your point, Micah, where you said, “Is it too soon?” Yes, the last film came out in 2011 of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, was it? But I remember going to see the first movie in 2001. That was 22 years ago. So whether or not it feels too soon to me is maybe leaning toward not, because it’s been over 20 years since that first one. And realistically – not to steal our thunder from later – but how soon do we think a TV show could even air at this point if we’re just getting wind of it now, Andrew?

Andrew: Yeah, Eric, I wanted to bring up these same exact points. Yes, Deathly Hallows – Part 2 just came out ten years ago, but when did the first movie come out? Like you said, November 2001. It’s been a really long time since that first one. And when will we get Deathly Hallows the TV show? November 2033. [laughs] Maybe, maybe. But yeah, let’s say the deal is signed tomorrow. When will we actually see this on television? Two years? You have to also remember this is special effects-heavy. This isn’t some straightforward half hour sitcom.

Micah: I think some of the challenge, though, lies in the fact that a lot of times when you do build upon the success of a series, you’re continuing the story, and a lot of the actors that were in that initial story are then brought back to be a part of that continuation. And we haven’t even tried that, really, in Harry Potter. We’re already jumping back to the source material from the standpoint of a book to TV series adaptation. That feels very quick to me, versus trying something that maybe goes beyond Harry’s time at Hogwarts. We tried Fantastic Beasts;it didn’t work, but I think people love the original material. Why not try that? I think they’re going back to what they feel is safe.

Eric: Well, if we also look over the last 20 years, the evolution of television as a storytelling medium…

Micah: Sure.

Eric: … that’s where you go, more than movies. And this was true even as early as the early aughts, right, that long storytelling really couldn’t cut it in theaters. That’s why there’s the extended editions of Lord of the Rings. There’s so much story there that’s just not going to fit into a theatrical release. And so television has been, for some time now, the way to tell the type of story that’s as complex as the Harry Potter books. So this could also be seen from one perspective as being the format that it was always going to be best for. And that’s an idea that excites me, particularly around the later films that I don’t have as much love for, or I’ll say nostalgia for. This series has the potential, just by being on TV, to do those stories, I think, adaptive justice.

Laura: I agree with that. I think the Potter series is going to be better served via a TV show format, but I also think it’s a point well taken that Micah brings up about the safe choice. And I would just observe, in relation to the landscape right now of TV and of the Discovery and Time Warner merger, it does seem like it makes a lot of sense for them to look at IPs that they know are safe options and are pretty much guaranteed to be some kind of success, right? Obviously, we all think there are things that they can do with this series to really level it up and make it something special, but I think bare minimum, because it’s Harry Potter, it’s one of their most recognizable IPs, they will see some level of success with it. And I think that’s what they’re thinking.

Micah: You know what I think? I think they saw the fact that we went back and restarted Chapter by Chapter and they were like, “We’ve got to do this too.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: We inspired them.

Eric: “We have to follow those guys.”

Andrew: “Look how deep these books are!”

Laura: “We’re going to do Episode by Episode.” [laughs]

Micah: Yeah. I totally agree with what you’re saying, though, Eric, about how the landscape has changed. And the truth of it is Warner Bros. needs to get in the game as it relates to Harry Potter. They’re missing out on a ton of money, and that’s another huge component of this, if we’re just being real here, that this is something that could really boost whatever their streaming service ends up being called in significant numbers.

Andrew: Yeah, there’s reports they’re going to rename HBO Max to Max, which is just silly. I mean, people love the HBO brand. I don’t know why you would want to get rid of that in your app’s title when you’re competing with, say, Disney Plus.

Laura: Are we going to have to change our “Max that” sound effect once this happens?

Andrew: No, I mean, it foretold the future. Max. Apparently it’s just going to be called Max.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: No, but we will have to change our name to MaxCast, though.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That’s got to happen at some point.

Laura: Right. MaxCast Plus.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Couple of things I want to bring up: To the point about the IPs and using what’s familiar to people, this news came the same week as Disney announced that they are rebooting Moana in a live action film. That movie came out in 2016, and they’re already redoing that one live action. Not a sequel. Live action remake. That’s especially ridiculous. And the point about the lost day from a few minutes ago, I would love if the first episode of the first season began with things we hadn’t seen before, because that would be the message to viewers and fans, “We’re giving you something new here. You haven’t seen this before, and this is why you’re going to love to watch this, because we’re adding to the world.” If they opened with something unfamiliar and took the risks that we’re talking about, that’d be perfect, and that’d be such an awesome message to send. But it also is kind of safe to do that, because like I think maybe Micah, you were saying before: The Harry Potter movies, we all know the story, thanks to having seen the Harry Potter movies and read the books, so we don’t need the same introduction. We can get more. We can back up in the timeline a little bit.

Laura: Agreed.

Andrew: So I think that’s a wonderful opportunity for them. Will they take that risk? I don’t know. It seems a little ballsy, given how much money they’re probably going to invest in this.

Laura: Be ballsy, Warner Bros.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: Be ballsy. Look at all of the shows in recent history that have seen high levels of success. It’s not because they were too scared to step outside the lines a little bit, have fun with it, be creative with it. That’s really what people are looking for.

Eric: Didn’t Amazon spend millions on the Lord of the Rings series? So that’s actually already had its TV adaptation there.

Andrew: But actually, that’s a good show to look at, because there was a report that came out, I believe earlier this week, that only 37% of audiences made it through the entire show. [laughs]

Eric: Oof.

Andrew: 37%!

Laura: I didn’t watch that one. But I don’t think that was actually about the Lord of the Rings trilogy; wasn’t it a prequel situation?

Andrew: It wasn’t a reboot, no.

Eric: It wasn’t a reboot. Yeah, it was additional.

Micah: I think you also have to keep in mind the fanbase, as well. I’m not sure it’s as massive as something as Harry Potter. And especially for those of us who have grown up with the series, I think it’s going to be something that we’re definitely going to dive into.

Andrew: But I guess my point is that by not using a familiar story, they could have – maybe they couldn’t have – but if they rebooted The Lord of the Rings, the trilogy, they would have had a lot more people watching all the way through. But people tune into this Amazon series; even though it’s the same fandom, it’s unfamiliar to them, so only 37% of them made it through. That’s a risk they would run with Harry Potter, too, if it was, let’s say, Fantastic Beasts. That’s what we saw happen.

Micah: Yeah. And somebody alluded to this earlier, but I think you have to study what has worked. I think Laura brought this up, right? Look at what Star Wars has done, because clearly they’ve had massive success. I’m sure they’ve had series that haven’t done as well, but they clearly have the recipe to at least take a little bit of a look at that and see what works for you, what doesn’t work for you. One of the other things, though, that came up when we did our IG Live, though, is when you go back to talking about how we’re not that far removed from the original series, you’re talking about some iconic roles, right? When you think about Alan Rickman as Snape, when you think about Robbie Coltrane as Hagrid… we’ve obviously unfortunately lost both of those individuals over the last several years. And even Dan, Emma, and Rupert, right? They really embodied Harry, Ron, and Hermione, and I’m sure we could get into a whole debate as to whether or not they embodied it for everybody, but that’s part of where I think it’s too soon. And do you connect back in any way to those actors? Do any of those actors show up in some way in this reboot? Or is that not possible? And then, of course, you’re talking about seven seasons, let’s just say, and will you get the consistency that the Harry Potter series got for eight movies, with the exception of Richard Harris being replaced by Michael Gambon? That’s tough commitment, even as we saw with the Fantastic Beasts series. So there’s a lot of questions. As much as there is excitement, there’s a lot of questions, and I won’t say skepticism, but there’s some hesitancy, at least, from my standpoint.

Laura: I get it.

Andrew: That’s the one thing I feel skeptical about, too; it is going to be strange seeing other people play these roles, because we grew up with not only these characters, but these actors too. It was really emotional when we watched the live stream from the Deathly Hallows – Part 2 premiere, because these actors were saying goodbye to these characters and these iconic roles, so to have them replaced and see… especially the people who have passed – Robbie Coltrane, Alan Rickman – it’s going to be tough seeing new people. But is there a specific number on what is the right amount of time? No. Another 40 years could pass and some people would still say it’s too soon. So I’m hopeful that it’s going to be a situation where yes, it’ll be strange at first. We get those early episodes, Hagrid dropping off Harry at the Dursleys’ doorstep, and it’s going to be like, “Oh, this isn’t Robbie,” but by the third or fourth episode, assuming all the actors are fantastic, I think it’ll be okay. And I won’t say we’ll forget about them, but we’ll be able to accept that new people are playing these roles.

Laura: I think we keep touching on this, but what I’m hearing is that this show really is going to need to differentiate itself from the movies so that viewers aren’t left feeling that way, or aren’t left wishing that they were looking at the actors that they recognized in those roles. If the show follows the beat of the movies too closely, I think we’re constantly going to be reminded of the movies. The show, very quickly, from the jump needs to take us out of that mindset, or else that’s the risk.

Eric: So it’ll just still be an adaptation of the first book, but from either varying perspectives, or something that just feels totally different.

Micah: I think one way to do that is to make sure that the cast is diversified.

Eric: Yep.

Andrew and Laura:: Mhmm.

Micah: Because let’s face it, it wasn’t in the initial series.

Laura: No.

Eric: The books aren’t.

Micah: Yeah, but this goes to Laura’s point about opportunity.

Eric: That’s what I’m saying.

Micah: We saw them attempt it to some extent with the Fantastic Beasts franchise, but I feel like now they have even more opportunity here, if you’re talking about something that’s going to be seven seasons long.

Andrew: Yeah, not to mention Cursed Child. And of course, Hogwarts Legacy, as we brought up in our review. It’s a very diverse game. And I think they are trying to right some of the wrongs of the original books and movies, so yeah, that’d better continue. If it doesn’t, that would be…

Laura: I’m sure it will.

Andrew: Yeah. [laughs] It seems impossible.

Micah: Along the same lines, do you think that they will cast only British actors, as they did with the first film series?

Eric: Oh, can we finally get Haley Joel Osment in a Harry Potter show?

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Just let him play Harry Potter. Present day.

Andrew: Look, as long as the accent is good, I don’t really care who’s playing the role. [laughs]

Micah: But that was something that was very important to the author, initially, when it was being adapted by David Heyman and Chris Columbus.

Andrew: It was.

Eric: And I would say that’s understandable for sure. It kept those films pure, it kept those films British in a key way. But I don’t know that you necessarily need that protection now, just because of how it’s different and changed since then. So the people making the movies didn’t have as much of an eye for why that sort of thing is important then. I think they do now.

Micah: Well, and I think that also gives you the opportunity to open up the world, if you’re not going to be so strict about making sure that you have British speaking actors in all of these roles. You can take one of the characters that’s well known and make them from a completely different part of the world, and they’re just there as a exchange student for the seven years that Harry Potter is at Hogwarts.

Andrew: All right, let’s take a little break. There’s still plenty more to discuss today; we have more of our own questions, and then we’ll get some feedback from listeners. So I thought we should also talk about who we want involved. We’ve mentioned cast members before; I think maybe somebody mentioned David Heyman too. We were talking on the Instagram Live a few days ago, and by the way, you can watch that on Instagram Live on Instagram still. Stuart Craig, the production designer, he’s done amazing work, but the dude is 80. Does he want to commit to this for ten years at 80?

Eric: Let’s get John Williams to score the first season.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: Yeah. He’s what, 92?

Andrew: I’ve seen some people say “Don’t touch ‘Hedwig’s Theme.’ Don’t use it.”

Eric: Oh. I love that as a take, but they’ll never not use it. They used it in Fantastic Beasts.

Andrew: That’s synonymous with Harry Potter.

Laura: They used it in the game, too, but they did change it up a little bit to make it unique in the game. I think they could do something like that for the show. I love the idea of getting some alumni on board when it comes to cast, crew, showrunners, things like that, but I would also like to see some new blood in here. In particular, from a showrunner perspective, I would love to see Craig Mazin do it. He has done…

Andrew: And who’s that?

Laura: He’s the showrunner for The Last of Us, also Chernobyl on HBO, but he has proven to be a really amazing showrunner. And I think that if paired with the right team for this project, he would nail it.

Andrew: There’s also that pre-existing HBO angle with The Last of Us being on HBO and this presumably going to HBO.

Eric: Oh, right.

Laura: Yep, that’s what I’m thinking. The cogs are turning. [laughs]

Eric: Well, if The Last of Us had not been renewed, which it has been, for a Season… they’ve announced Season 2, but it’s also been said very publicly that Season 2 won’t fit the entire second video game, so we’re looking at a few more years for Craig Mazin’s availability in particular. He’s also good at telling a very particular type of story, which has the weight of human choice and sacrifice and more drama than I would expect the early Harry Potter books to be; not saying he couldn’t switch gears, but you wouldn’t ultimately be looking in his wheelhouse necessarily. You’d be looking for another Chris Columbus; you’d be looking for somebody who is good with children, who can literally lasso them if needed, but get the performance out of them. That is absolutely key. I’d be looking to whoever was doing – was it the Duffer Brothers for Stranger Things?

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Eric: Who was working with them? Who were those early directors that were working with the children on set? And what are they up to now? Because they would be more… yeah.

Micah: It’s a great point.

Andrew: That show is wrapping up, but I think they’ve already announced a spinoff. At least, they might be working on one, so they might be out, unfortunately.

Laura: Yeah, I think Netflix…

Eric: Is it called “Justice for Barb”?

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: There will never be justice for Barb. Yeah, I was going to say, I think Netflix probably has an ironclad grip on the Duffer Brothers.

Andrew and Eric:: Yeah.

Micah: Most of the people that come to mind are probably folks that would serve better in the later books as opposed to the earlier ones. I was thinking of even Guillermo del Toro, after having watched Pinocchio. I know that that’s not a real child, but his adaptation was fantastic.

Eric: Wait, what? It’s not a real boy?

Andrew: [laughs] “I’m a real boy!”

Micah: I’m thinking of some of the darker storylines that come up later on in the series.

Laura: Sure.

Micah: And then Miguel Sapochnik, who did a number of the Game of Thrones marquee episodes, would be great, and there’s another HBO tie-in. So I would imagine there are going to be people chomping at the bit to jump into this.

Laura: I agree.

Eric: Here are my must-haves for a Harry Potter TV series. Number one – nonnegotiable – the color yellow.

Andrew: [laughs] Okay, Hufflepuff.

Eric: We have not seen it in a… no, this isn’t a Hufflepuff thing, man.

Andrew: Oh, it’s not? Oh.

Eric: No, bright colors have not been a thing in the Harry Potter visual narrative tapestry or wizarding world since 2007 or 2006, and that’s being generous. This is why I’m hesitant to recommend David Heyman, David Yates… do they just make these color-drained films that don’t look like anything?

Micah: Didn’t he work on Paddington?

Andrew: Heyman did.

Eric: Still a very blue movie.

Micah: And Winnie the Pooh? Anyway.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I mean, look, I’m obviously saying this in jest a little bit, but they need to re-light… they need to completely, from the ground up, rebuild how you light the wizarding world. I don’t care if they use the same sets. Light them differently…

Micah: Light ’em up.

Eric: … because those films that are early are so cheerful, and it all has to do with the production on this thing. Get people who know how to light a set.

Andrew: Okay.

Micah: Well, Eric, hopefully you’ll be happy; during the IG Live, we talked about how Harry’s eyes must be green in this adaptation.

Andrew: [laughs] I don’t know. I mean, that’s a tall order. “Sorry, we love this actor, but your eyes aren’t green.” I mean, I guess they can put in contacts, but again, seven years…

Micah: Well, didn’t it have to do with Dan not…? He had an issue with the contacts, right? That’s why he didn’t wear them, if I remember?

Laura: Yeah, they hurt his eyes.

Andrew: Okay. Yeah, so you’re going to make a kid deal with those for seven to ten years?

Eric: I’m going to go on record; I don’t care about the green eyes thing.

Micah: Well, you could probably at this point… special effects, you can just…

Andrew: Eric was giving his wish list.

Micah: I’m sorry, Eric.

Andrew: What else? Yellow?

Eric: Oh, yeah. So the color yellow. And yeah, more diversity. It’s just got to represent something closer to the real world. And actors… oh, this is the third, but the biggest. Marauders have to be the current age that means they were only in their very early 20s when Harry was born.

Andrew: Got it.

Eric: Because I genuinely in my brain cannot conceive of what that would look like, because we didn’t get it in the films, and I have no idea what it looks like. But I need it, because that will inform my canon.

Andrew: That’s fair. And let’s say they do a single episode in Season 3 dedicated to the Marauders. They could use that as a backdoor pilot to potentially launch a whole other separate series that is just Marauders-focused, and I think maybe they could use that standalone episode as a test balloon. How do people respond to this episode? Did it receive extra viewership numbers? I bet it would. I bet people who aren’t watching the series would dive into that; longterm Harry Potter fans, they would not be able to resist a standalone Marauders flashback episode. And that could potentially tell them, “Okay, we’ve got a great cast here with these Marauders. We came up with a great story. Let’s push this into a series of its own.” You think about… Eric and I love Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul. They spun off Saul Goodman into his own series after the Breaking Bad show ended, and it turned out great. They tested it, it worked, they decided to turn it into a whole series. They can do something like that. I think Supernatural has explored this too. I don’t think there’s been any series that were really successful, but they tried backdoor pilots.

Micah: Do you think, then, that they felt the need to reestablish the series before doing these spinoffs? Meaning get the actors in the roles, right? So let’s say Season 3, Prisoner of Azkaban, you have your Marauders cast. Now, you can then spin off with the same actors and do a completely different series.

Andrew: Exactly.

Eric: That’s a good… yeah, you know what? I just had the most cynical but yet the most probably realistic thought, which is that the contracts, the types of contracts they’ll be writing for these actors are going to include a lot of their future plans of the Harry Potter global franchise development team or whatever. So you know how we managed to get Dan and Rupert and – well, not Emma – back for the theme park? The Hogwarts ride, the train ride? And Harry – Dan Radcliffe is on all the bags that you get from the gift shop there. That’s luck, because he didn’t have to do that. They obviously went back later and added those contracts. Whoever is involved in this TV show is going to be signing all sorts of stuff for spinoffs, especially if they’re playing a character that they identify as being potential for a spinoff. You’d better believe they’re signing their life away.

Micah: Eric, though, you made me think about something: There’s opportunity here for them to sit down with whoever is cast in these new roles. It can almost be like a mentor/mentee type of relationship, particularly for the younger actors. I could see that with Dan, and Emma, and Rupert – even Tom – sitting down with whoever gets cast in those roles. Because again, regardless of how good they may be, there’s going to be a ton of pressure on them from the start.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: It will be unfair, but that’s the state of the world and consuming media. I’ll just say…

Laura: Well, we won’t stand for it here on MuggleCast.

Andrew: Well, some criticism. ot hating on children or anything, but I mean, there’s going to be pressure to get this right.

Laura: Of course, of course. But I mean, as we’ve seen, especially with online bullying, criticism can very quickly bridge into being hateful, just being a jerk. And we won’t stand for that here.

Andrew: No, no, no. I will say, I’ll be a little mean for a moment. I don’t want David Yates near this. He did seven movies; that’s enough. We don’t need that. David Heyman, yes. David Yates, no. No?

Laura: [laughs] What, you don’t want another 3D battle?

Andrew: No, I’m just saying, he got…

Eric: That’s not David Yates. You can’t pin that on him.

Andrew: That was a studio thing, probably. No, it’s just, he had his time. We were talking about we want a fresh take, right? David Yates is not going to give us a fresh take on Harry Potter.

Laura: No.

Eric: Right.

Andrew: I agree there should be some legacy people like Heyman, the producer, to carry over the spirit. But in terms of casting and the storylines and all that, I don’t want Yates involved.

Micah: I think you could be… I know you joked earlier about Stuart Craig, but MinaLima are still around, and they would be great, I think, to bring back. They love the series.

Eric: Although, that for me might make it too close to the movies for me. If you think about it, you really…

Micah: Well, you’ve got to imagine they’re going to reuse some things, though, right? They have Leavesden Studios at their disposal.

Andrew: Yeah. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, no, no. Well, and that’s the thing that leads me to believe this actually will be similar. I joked earlier about them using the same sets, and they probably likely won’t do that, but at the same time, why would they not with certain things? And the MinaLima thing, though, to me is like, so much of the Harry Potter movies is MinaLima that if they do it for the TV show, it might be jarring for me. It might be too much for me.

Andrew: And I think the showrunner has to be a real fan of Harry Potter.

Laura: Yes.

Andrew: A true, genuine fan. We’ve commented that Hogwarts Legacy seems like it was created by true fans. If we can get some of that energy coming over to the TV show, I think we’ll be in pretty good shape. It would be frightening if we found out that the person who’s running the show or even writing it is not a pre-existing Harry Potter fan. That seems like bad news. [laughs]

Micah: No, we played that game already.

Andrew: What we’re going to do is when they name the showrunner and the writers, we’re going to go into the MuggleCast email archive, which dates back to 2005, and we’d better find this person’s name in our email inbox to prove they’re a real fan. [laughs]

Eric: So basically, if we have an email from them, they’re okay by us. They passed our litmus test.

Andrew: [laughs] Right.

Laura: I like how we’re gatekeeping who is going to be able to serve as the showrunner.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Hey, look, I feel like we’ve really resisted that for a very long time; now it’s time to start giving into it.

Micah: Yeah, if anybody has a say, we do.

Eric: Oh, man.

Micah: But I will say, though, I think one of the things that could work in favor of this series is the fact that so many of the cast now that will be in this series could have grown up reading Harry Potter, and I think that’s something that was possibly lacking in certain cases from the original cast. I think we have a pretty good sense of who read the books and who didn’t read the books. And so I think that could be interesting to see how that affects the cast of this TV series.

Andrew: Yeah. So should we get to some listener feedback?

Eric: We got a bunch of it.

Andrew: We did; thanks to everybody who participated on social media. I already mentioned, but I’ll briefly bring up again: We got tons of feedback asking for a Marauders series, or “Why not do a Marauders series at least before this?” So shout-out to everybody who’s been wanting Marauders. Who wants to take the first one? And by the way, some of this feedback is pretty negative. I was honestly a little surprised.

Micah: It’s Twitter, though.

Eric: Good. It’s all the things I want to say and am holding myself back to.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Micah: All right, I’ll go first.

Andrew: Okay.

Micah: Tom X says, “The only way I would be able to accept it is in animated form. The movies are only slightly a decade old. Makes no sense to repeat the same story when we’ve got so much to explore in the wizarding world (Marauders, Founders, Tom Riddle’s early years, First War, a proper sequel, perhaps?)”

Andrew: I think in order for this to make the biggest impact, it has to be live action. And that’s not a slight on animation; animation is a beautiful art form. But think of the prestigious Sunday night HBO television. That’s gritty live action dramas. [laughs] Not always gritty.

Eric: Oh my God, a gritty 11-year-old Harry Potter adaptation.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: No, you’re right, though. HBO has a reputation that it keeps time and again solidifying. But think about what animation would solve as far as what we’re talking about, actors aging out of the role or being hard to get. You wouldn’t need them all in the room at the same time; there’d be a lot more flexible schedule. Jenny Slate could play Hermione; it would be great. Just a variety of opportunities in the animated way. Worth consideration.

Micah: Yeah, the one thing I would just say that I think would hurt from an animation standpoint is the perception of the series, right? I generally think people associate animation with kids for the most part. I’m not saying that that’s right one way or the other, but to the point earlier about HBO on Sunday night, I don’t know how many people are going to turn into an animated series, right?

Andrew: Agreed.

Micah: You think about HBO Sunday night, you think about The Sopranos, you think about Game of Thrones. But I do agree it would solve a lot of problems. [laughs] Whether or not they do that is a totally different story.

Andrew: Well, and I’ll throw in a point I think Laura will appreciate: Disney Plus has this Marvel series called “What If…?” It’s an animated series, and in this show, it answers simply “What if,” you know, somebody else had Captain America’s shield? Or whatever other plot lines they want to explore. And they have the freedom to explore those alternate scenarios because it is animated. So I’d like to see something like that animated at some point.

Laura: And that would be a great spinoff idea. If they just want to rip off Marvel? Go for it. [laughs]

Andrew: They might be in our spinoff episode, in fact. One of the ideas that we pitched.

Laura: It is.

Andrew: Okay.

Eric: “Harry Potter’s Time-Turner Adventures.”

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, that’d be cool!

Eric: If something went drastically wrong and we got this offshoot of the timeline. Everyone’s doing a multiverse. Speaking of into the multiverse, Across the Spider-Verse now that’s happening, that’s an example of an animated film that I think transcends age quite well. But there just aren’t enough examples, to your point, Andrew, of really showing that that could be a way that they would realistically consider going for something as big as Harry Potter.

Andrew: Yeah.

Laura: Well, I do think that there are probably a lot of fans of animated shows that would maybe disagree with us here. I don’t know why I keep coming back to this, but I keep thinking about Castlevania on Netflix. That was an animated portrayal of that story, obviously based on a video game, so it was adapting from a video game dynamic, but the show was still very adult, and not something that I would put on in front of children. So it is possible. I think it’s easier for them to walk the line if they do live action.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, look, there’s episodes of The Simpsons and Family Guy I wouldn’t put on in front of children. [laughs] But by rebooting the series, and you’re looking for mass appeal, I don’t know that animation is going to be the right way to go.

Andrew: Exactly.

Micah: I think some of the other recommendations that you had, where you’re doing that “What if” scenario, could be very cool. But I think they need to get their feet wet again and establish the series, and the only way that they do that is through live action.

Andrew: Right. When you think prestige TV, you think live action. And like you said, Micah, they want to do numbers, they’ve got to do live action to appeal to everybody. There’s definitely animated shows for adults. I love Bojack Horseman on Netflix; there’s plenty other examples there. And again, animation is an awesome, very special, meaningful, important art form. But just for this right now, it’s not the time. I’ll read the next one from Chad, and here’s a little more criticism: “Honestly,” Chad says, “except in various limited capacities, I’m just done with Harry Potter and anything JKR-affiliated. She has really killed any sort of joy or comfort I previously found in her writing because of her hateful rhetoric against trans people. Not saying I wouldn’t maybe eventually watch this, but right now I can’t dredge up even a fake level of excitement for the possibility of this existing.” End quote. And we’ve seen a lot of feedback like this.

Eric: Yeah, I think… this series was announced at the same time you said Deadline said J.K. Rowling would be a producer on this show, and obviously, I can’t see a world where this is adapted where that doesn’t be the case, although I would say, the involvement of a producer on any one particular show, some of them are legacy namedrop producers. But look, that being the only person who’s officially attached to this series, it’s hard to get excited for it. I’ll go there. I think that we have yet to see what kind of accommodations are made – not accommodations, but adjustments are made to also cope with the updated political climate of this era. And that’s going to be as big or bigger than whatever adjustments they’re making to transform or adapt this show, the books, into TV.

Micah: I think it’s near impossible to separate her from this type of a series. It’s her work and she’s still around, and it’s just not going to be something that I think she would probably feel comfortable with having been rebooted without having a say in how it turns out. So I think that’s something we’re going to have to grapple with, as we move forward in covering the TV series. And I had put this in the chat earlier, but I think it’s worth talking about, because it’s probably going to happen at some point: What is the reaction, whether we’re talking about within the community or from the author, when they do cast a trans actor in the series? Because I think it’s a very good possibility.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Yeah, it’s a can’t-win situation for them. They’ll be applauded by some people, and others will be like, “You’re just doing that because of everything that’s gone down with J.K. Rowling.”

Eric: This is why it’s so important to get more writers on it. And honestly, we’ve said multiple times that the Fantastic Beasts series has failed. Do we even know why it’s failed? Because I kind of point to J.K. Rowling on that. She had this amazing opportunity in telling the stories. The first movie I would consider to be flawless, or one of the best of all wizarding world films that exist, and yet the story itself petered out. The movies stopped being interesting on a very, very core fundamental level. And so the gift for storytelling, the person that we need to revive this series for a new era, is everybody but J.K. Rowling, who has been in charge of the Fantastic Beasts films. We need tons more people writing in this space, and they need to be allowed to do what they need to do.

Andrew: And I think by using the Harry Potter books, by rebooting the Harry Potter books, they get a chance to depend less on her because she’s already created the whole mold, the whole overall story, all the beats that they need to hit. They need to hire a bunch of writers who are just going to jump from beat to beat and expand in a way that we didn’t see in the movies. So I think that’s probably another reason they’re attracted to this idea, because if they said right now, “We are launching another spinoff series,” or “We’re rebooting Harry Potter and it’s only going to be written by J.K. Rowling,” they would receive a lot more backlash than they probably will when they say, “Rowling will be an executive producer or a producer, but she won’t be writing or showrunning.” And they can, again, get away with that because they already have J.K. Rowling’s mold, the overall story that they’re just going to fit into.

Micah: Yeah, and I know we brought this up on the IG Live, too, but I think when we’re talking about Fantastic Beasts, this does spell the end of that franchise. Do we agree with that?

Andrew, Eric, and Laura:: Yeah.

Andrew: I think that’s probably safe to say. And I liked Movie 1 too. Movie 2 was just so bad. Movie 3, I thought, got it back together. That’s probably in part because – who was it? – Kloves got involved, so he probably resurrected it at WB’s request. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, but there was just no coming back from that second movie. unfortunately. The third movie could have tap danced and sang and I don’t…

Andrew: They did tap dance, didn’t they? Around those bugs?

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: That was a crab dance, Andrew. Very similar, I understand.

Andrew: Oh, a crab dance, sorry.

Laura: Yeah, they were crabs. Get it right.

Eric: Manticore dance.

Laura: Know the lore, Andrew.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, I just don’t think there was any coming back from that. And I agree, this is definitely a signal that WB is moving on from Fantastic Beasts.

Eric: Although, they could still cast Jude Law as Dumbledore.

Andrew: I’d be in favor of that. I think that’d be a fun crossover.

Eric: Because I think we touched on it on the show when it became clear that Movie 3’s box office was only just okay, that we were like, “Well, could they employ these actors to do a fundamentally different thing?” And Jude Law’s Dumbledore I think was more or less universally well-received.

Andrew, Laura, and Micah:: Yeah.

Laura: He would be great. He just wouldn’t be young hot Dumbledore anymore, but that’s okay.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: All right. This next one comes from MTSchefers, and they say, “Do we get to see Peeves now? Maybe all of the Weasley family will be included this time. Ron gets to keep his lines.” Yes.

Eric: Ha!

Laura: Plus one, thank you. “Hopefully we get to see the book version of Ginny.” There you go, Eric. And, “Important plot points won’t be cut out for timing and pacing.”

Eric: That’s right.

Laura: Everyone’s favorite, the pacing.

Andrew: Justice! Sweet justice!

[Laura laughs]

Eric: [imitates Vernon Dursley] “Justice.” I never, ever, ever want to hear the word “pacing” again. Give us the Peeves episode, the Peeves backstory episode.

Andrew: Well, look, I mean, they still have to be concerned about pacing, but hopefully more will be included. [laughs]

Eric: Well, yeah. No, you’re right, you’re right. Because here’s the other thing: HBO does not have a history of television series with very many episodes per season.

Andrew: I know.

Eric: I think they’ve explored the lowest possible episode count. And if HBO only had nine, yeah, maybe for the first film, sure, or the first book, but for the later books, you’re still going to brush up against a lot of hard choices to make.

Andrew: Yeah, and I mean, I could foresee a scenario where Season 1, Sorcerer’s Stone, is just six, seven episodes. And then as the books get longer, the seasons get longer, too, and maybe by…

Eric: Split into two for any season.

Andrew: Yeah, absolutely. By 5 or 6, split it into separate seasons. I just wonder – obviously, they’re going to have to cast children who will be quickly growing – will they just shoot Seasons 1 and 2 right up front, back to back, before the kids get too old? There’s going to have to be some serious considerations like that, I think.

Laura: They could always do a recast situation like what they’re doing with House of the Dragon. Also, The Crown over on Netflix, they recast every couple of seasons.

Andrew: Yeah. I wouldn’t hate that. I think we have a little bit of feedback like that.

Eric: This comment comes from Evenlynda: “Honestly, I would have loved new stories. Even something set in this time. It would have been great if we had a show that propelled the series forward. Maybe bring in other creators who are more inclusive than J.K.” That’s a fair point. What are wizards doing in the…? What did they do about Y2K? We don’t know, because the books end in 1997, right?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: So what do the wizards do? Yeah, where have the wizards been? Where has the wizarding world, that we’ve heard so much about and lived in for so long, where has that been in the last 25+ years, or 30, maybe, by the time this series gets its footing? So that’s a fair point, that this is not moving the story forward. I agree with what we said on this show; it’s been safe to make this kind of a decision. But ultimately, there is that open question of what happens really after Harry Potter? And don’t tell me Cursed Child.

Andrew: [laughs] Well, it could move the story forward once we get to Season 8, 9, or 10. Let’s say this show is a smashing success; it’s beyond our wildest dreams. HBO is not going to want to walk away from it. They’ll do as many seasons as they think they could keep the momentum up with.

Eric: Ahh. This could be the next Grey’s Anatomy.

Andrew: Yeah, which is not necessarily a good thing. [laughs] Some people are very tired of the show at this point, but others continue to watch.

Eric: Or Supernatural.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah, totally. This is a new baseline for them. If I’m being extremely optimistic about this, this is a new slate. They’re starting over. They’re in a way forgetting the movies, and they can use this to go beyond Book 7.

Micah: Totally.

Andrew: They can use it to give us the prequels. There’s lots of opportunities for them here outside of the basic series.

Micah: Yep, that’s the key word. Laura said it earlier. Yeah, it’s opportunity.

Andrew: This week’s episode is just titled “Opportunity.” [laughs]

Eric and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: Well, Andrew, you mentioned this earlier. DHFan: “Recast the trio every year like House of the Dragon. It’ll remove the time constraints per season and improve the quality of the show.”

Laura: Yeah. Thanks, DHFan.

Andrew: And Danielle said, taking our last bit of feedback that we’re reading from Twitter, “Too soon, too transparently a money grab (when they’re already out there canceling newer IP or canning finished films.)” They didn’t do that, but they definitely canceled Fantastic Beasts, or at least we think so. And Danielle says, “too tone deaf because it’s further lining the pockets of someone with outwardly harmful views.” Yeah, and we’ve addressed bits and pieces of this already. I will say, in this current streaming war era, yeah, it’s going to be a money grab, it’s going to be a subscriber grab, it’s going to be a “Grab Harry Potter fans somehow, because currently, we’re not grabbing them.”

Laura: All right, moving over to some feedback we got on Facebook. Jenny says, “I’m very excited! My friends and I have already said we’ll get together at each other’s houses to watch together every week. My only worry is that I will be comparing the new cast to the old cast. Many of the actors they chose for the movies walked straight out of the books for me, and I have a hard time imagining anyone else in the roles.” Yeah, I think that’ll be a common concern for folks.

Eric: Yeah. See, that to me is what I was saying about MinaLima, too; that’s straight out of the movies. [laughs] So this one comes from Nathan. They write in, “How do they make the TV show differ from the movies? While they have costumes and sets from Leavesden (some that can and should be reused), it needs to be a different feel. Also, do they keep the live all-British cast? They need to make the cast look differently than the movies. And, with costumes, can we get 1990s style, please?”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: And for reference, I don’t remember what 1990s style was like. But fortunately, in our live Discord, somebody has posted. Kathleen has given us this amazing almost Beverly Hills 90210-esque 1990s version of the Harry PotterSaved by the Bell? Oh, that’s probably what this is actually from. I recognize Screech.

Andrew: A lot of denim, baggy clothing, frosted tips. We’ve got to do it all. Fully lean into the ’90s.

Eric: Absolutely.

Laura: God, it was so bad.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: But yes, they really… I mean, they should.

Andrew: They should? No. No, they should not.

Laura: No, I mean, not to the extent that we’re seeing in this picture. But I will say, when you watch the movies, they’re wearing what is clearly 2010s style clothes, and when you know what time period the story takes place in, it does kind of take you out of it. I actually preferred the Muggle clothing that they showed in the Sorcerer’s Stone film; it’s one of the things that I actually preferred about that point in the series. When the kids were wearing Muggle clothes, they were very nondescript. They weren’t things that caught a ton of attention; they didn’t have logos on them. They weren’t distinct to a particular fashion era. Whereas in the later movies, you’re like, “Oh, they went to Forever 21 to get that outfit.”

Eric: Or Abercrombie and Fitch. Yeah, well, that reminds me. My fourth must-have for this series: Keep them in robes all the damn time.

Andrew: [laughs] You listening, Alfonso?

Eric: School robes the whole time. Don’t care. They’re at wizard school. They’ve got to dress the part. Dress for the school that you want.

Laura: I don’t agree with that. Because in the books, they don’t wear robes the whole time.

Eric: Really?

Laura: No.

Eric: Really?

Andrew: I don’t agree with any of this.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I want it exactly the same as we saw in the movies.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Micah: No clothes? Is that what you’re going for?

Andrew: [laughs] No, I liked what they wore the movies. I had no problems.

Micah: Carmel says, “It’s more Potter content. If they can do the books justice, I’ll be happy! An appropriate Book 4 Dumbledore mood, and get the final Book 7 duel right!”

Eric: [laughs] “An appropriate…”

Andrew: Imagine Twitter the night the new Dumbledore does, [speaks calmly] “Did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire?”

Eric: There you go.

Micah: [laughs] Yeah.

Eric: Andrew, you’re still my favorite casting for Dumbledore.

Andrew: Aww, thank you. Next feedback; we’re jumping back and forth here between positive and negative, it seems like. This is from Travis: “This is sure to be a massive disappointment. With so much Potter lore out there, they’ve allegedly decided to remake an already iconic story? The movies are terrific as they are. Sure, they had to leave some stuff out, but as standalone films, they get the job done and then some. Why not have a series surrounding the Hogwarts founding, the rise of Voldemort, the founding of Ilvermorny! Perhaps even the chaos surrounding what is now Azkaban? Or even a series about the story in Hogwarts Legacy? But no, we are going to try and remake the story that has already been done so well.” Again, safest option.

Laura: Yeah. Travis, I agree with you. All of those are great ideas. I don’t think that the studio is confident to be able to put together compelling original content that will do well. They tried it with Fantastic Beasts, started out compelling, and then… we know where it went.

Micah: I think, as we were saying earlier, they want to reestablish the base first and then spread out from there.

Laura: Well, this next one comes from Heidi, who says, “Woot woot! I love this idea.”

Micah: Aww, Andrew, your mom.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: “My son and I have been reading the books together…”

Andrew: Oh, it is my mom. Wow.

Laura: Andrew, this is so sweet.

Andrew: It’s not my mom. It’s not my mom.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Laura: “My son and I have been reading the books together at bedtime for years…”

Andrew: [laughs] Oh, wait, this is my mom.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Heidi, I’m so sorry that we keep getting cut off on this email. Andrew’s mom is named Heidi, so we’re just having some fun with this. Can somebody do some fan art of present-day Andrew reading bedtime stories with his mom?

Eric: Absolutely.

Laura: [laughs] Please.

Andrew: I have Midjourney now, the AI art generator, so I can just instruct it to do that.

Laura: Do it, do it, do it.

Eric: Oh, what happens if you get it to generate something based on your likeness? That’s kind of like inviting the devils into the… like, the vampires into your kitchen, right?

Andrew: Yeah, it’s a problem.

Laura: That’s the problem with AI, a lot of people are discovering. Anyway, back to Heidi’s email, not Andrew’s mom. “Literally, we have read through the series countless times, and to be able to watch the books come to life on TV with him would be amazing. He likes the movies and so do I but there is so much they had to leave out, to be able to see some of our favorite parts that aren’t in the movies would be fantastic. And poor Ron will actually get to say and do the things he does in the books. The movies did him dirty.” Thank you, Heidi. Thank you.

Eric: Ron, who is a smart character, gets to be a smart character.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Yes.

Andrew: I love the Ron love that we’ve seen today in the feedback.

Laura: I know. I want to to start a Ron Weasley Apologists Club.

Andrew: See, any listener who’s seeing some of this feedback, and maybe some of these ideas are coming into their mind for the first time, maybe you’re being a little swayed in terms of the potential here for the series.

Micah: Moving over to the ‘gram. Randy says, “I’m not ready to -“ This is your whole family.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: “I’m not ready to see a new trio yet, but I will be addicted nonetheless.”

Andrew: Yes, my brother in law is named Randy.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: All right, next up from Becca, my sister… oh, wait, no.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: BeattieShelton: “Each book after Chamber should be AT LEAST two seasons long!” Yeah, I agree with that.

Eric: From MattyHDot, “Episodes from different characters perspectives,” and an example is “Mrs. Norris petrification from Filch’s perspective.” That could be real good.

Laura: Okay, at first I read that as like, Mrs. Norris’s perspective of being Petrified.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: First of all, yes. Just a whole episode from the cat’s perspective, the way they did that episode of Supernatural from the car.

Micah: Well, I mean, for this, you could just show David Bradley’s reaction when Arya shows up.

Eric: Oh, right.

Laura: Ooh, yep. And that’s an HBO property; they could just…

Micah: It is.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Oh, they could just slice that in.

Laura: … pop that straight over.

Andrew: Cut and paste.

Eric: Yeah, no problem.

Micah: Ellie wants to “See the Hogwarts kitchens.” So if you want to see them before the show, you can get Hogwarts Legacy and tickle the pear. But yeah, I mean, this does provide… we talked a lot about characters, but I don’t know we talked as much about places that we’ve never been in. I know we did say Azkaban and St. Mungo’s, but there’s a lot of other places that in the movies, we’ve never gone to.

Eric: The Gaunt shack.

Andrew: Yeah. And speaking of house-elves, Winky and SPEW. That whole plotline could be brought back.

Micah: Hokey and Hepzibah Smith.

Eric: The Quidditch World Cup, because the five and a half minutes we got on the film did not count.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Some more Quidditch in general would be nice.

Eric: [softly] But the budget!

Laura: Well, that gets hard as the story goes on, because there was less Quidditch in the books as they went on.

Eric: Quidditch fatigue.

Andrew: It’s true. You know what, though? I just had this thought: I think there’s a lot of opportunities here.

Laura: I agree. I love that word, opportunities. Are you listening, WB?

Andrew: [laughs] Well, that’s our discussion on this for now. I think we are at the outset of many, many, many, many, many more discussions. We didn’t even discuss what this means for MuggleCast, but certainly, there are some exciting ideas that we could kick around for the future of this show. But again, this is still a long way off, so for now, we’re just going to have to look forward to new casting developments and all of that before we get to actually see this thing. If you have any feedback about today’s discussion, or maybe you have some feedback about our Prisoner of Azkaban Chapter by Chapter series – because we are in the middle of that right now, and we will get back to that next week – you can send an owl to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use the contact form on MuggleCast.com. You can also send a voice message just like Ron did last week; just record it using the Voice Memo app on your phone and then email us that file. Or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. And in light of this special episode, we will skip Quizzitch this week, but it will be back next week. Right, Eric?

Eric: That’s right, everybody brush up on Remus Lupin’s middle name and submit that over to us on MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch’s form.

Micah: So I still have time.

Eric: You still have time.

Micah: But Andrew, the other thing I was thinking about, too, really quickly, is we’re going to get invites to the set and go to premieres.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: No, we won’t. No, we won’t. We are blacklisted.

Andrew: By probably not being in the good graces of Warner – we can try to get at least screeners, right? They can send us some screeners.

Micah: Why wouldn’t we be? We’re their good graces, come on. We just haven’t talked to them in a while.

Andrew: I think… well, they don’t love the JKR criticism, I would guess. Who knows?

Eric: Well, that’s not going anywhere.

Andrew: Right. [laughs]

Laura: They also probably don’t love that JKR is putting herself out there for that kind of criticism, I would have to guess.

Andrew: Oh, that’s true. So we’re even.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Look, we’ve got some time here to work things out.

Andrew: We do. To rebuild the bridge, to Reparo any bridges that might be a little wobbly right now.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Well, we couldn’t do this without your support, because we definitely don’t have Warner Bros.’ [laughs] I’m sort of kidding.

Laura: Please leave that in. [laughs]

Andrew: We really couldn’t do this without your support, it’s true. We would really appreciate your financial support at Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and you’ll receive lots of great benefits in return, including instant access to years of bonus MuggleCast installments. You get access to our recording studio; we typically record on Saturday mornings, so you can join us live. You also get access to our exclusive Facebook and Discord groups. And if you’re pledging at certain levels, you’ll get a new physical gift every year. And it’s fair to say I think we won’t have a lot of time for more TV talk on the main show because we’re very busy with our lovely Chapter by Chapter series, so you can stay tuned to future bonus MuggleCast installments for a lot of talk about this TV show. Sure hope it happens, now that we’ve done a full episode on it. [laughs]

Laura: I know.

Micah: Right. It seems like we might get some more info next week, potentially, right?

Andrew: Possibly. Possibly. “Max that!”

Micah: Max. Just Max.

Andrew: “Max that,” yeah.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: We’re going to… so you’re saying we should call the segment “Max” now because they’re dropping a word?

Micah: No, “Max that” is fine.

Andrew: Okay, cool. Last but not least, don’t forget to follow us on social media. We’re @MuggleCast on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and TikTok. Thanks, everybody, for listening. Don’t forget to follow the show for free in your favorite podcast app if you’re a new listener, and leave us a five-star review if you enjoyed this and our other episodes. We’ll see you next week. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everybody.

Eric, Laura, and Micah:: Bye.

Andrew: Accio television remote!

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

Transcript #600

 

MuggleCast 600 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #600, ‘Hogwarts Legacy’ Review: Flying, Combat, Monies, Oh My!


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast Episode 600! Your weekly ride – for the 600th time – into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: This week, we are sharing our thoughts on Hogwarts Legacy, and to help us with today’s discussion, we have back one of the OG hosts of MuggleCast, from Episode 1 – and beyond – Kevin! Welcome back, Kevin.

Kevin Steck: Thank you. I’m excited. It’s been a while.

Andrew: It has. We started podcasting together 18 years ago this August; to still be able to have you on is really awesome. How have you been? How are you doing?

Kevin: Doing very well. Enjoying working and life, yeah.

Andrew: Some of the earliest jokes on the show involving Kevin were that he was backwards compatible with various Windows operating systems, and you were a Windows fan. You’ve seen the light, though. You’ve turned to the dark side. [laughs]

Kevin: I have, yes.

Eric: Kevin, no.

Andrew: Oh, thank God.

Kevin: I’m a programmer, so if you’re using anything but Mac, you’re doing it wrong.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Wow. This is such a 180 from the Kevin I remember from the early days of MuggleCast.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Not my Kevin!

Andrew: This is the Kevin I’ve wanted all along. The Macintosh Kevin.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Role model Kevin. I just looked this up; I think, Kevin, the last episode of MuggleCast we had you on was the one where we ended the show.

Kevin: Yes.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Nearly 250 episodes ago, almost. Episode 269. Yeah, we actually had… so Jamie and Laura sent messages, but you were on as a host on that one. And yeah, congratulations. Welcome back. We didn’t end. We told you we ended, but we actually just kept going.

Kevin: I’ve gathered that, yeah

Andrew: That was just our way of getting you back.

Kevin: Yeah, something told me that you didn’t end; I don’t know why. This is Episode what, 600?

Andrew and Eric: 600.

Andrew: I look at the title in the doc and I can’t believe it. I can’t believe that milestone.

Eric: So I did the math wrong. It was over 350 episodes ago. [laughs]

Andrew: Well, whether you’ve been listening since Kevin, Ben, and I did Episode 1, or you just started last week, we really appreciate everybody’s support over the years, and here’s to the next 600. And I mean, the timing worked out well; we just finished reading Chamber of Secrets last week, and we’ll get started on Prisoner of Azkaban in a couple of weeks in our Chapter by Chapter series, but for now, we’re going to take a little break and talk about Hogwarts Legacy. Oh, actually, Kevin, so when we have guests on these days, we ask them for their fandom ID, and just so people can quickly get to know you in terms of what interests you in the Harry Potter fandom, what is your favorite Hogwarts House, your favorite book, and your favorite movie?

Kevin: I think favorite book is Prisoner of Azkaban. Hogwarts House is probably Ravenclaw. Favorite movie, probably Prisoner of Azkaban.

Eric and Laura: Nice.

Eric: One of those rare folk who can tolerate all the changes.

Kevin: The changes, yes.

Laura: Hey, it’s a great movie. Also, I just want to observe, three Ravenclaws on the panel today. Represent.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Well, is Micah still a Ravenclaw? Because he totally has been leaning towards Slytherin lately.

Andrew: Ooh.

Micah: I don’t know. We’ll have to find out.

Laura: We’re about to call that out. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, where did he get Sorted in Hogwarts Legacy? I guess we’ll find out. Well, anyway, great to have you, Kevin; thanks so much for being on. And before we get into today’s review of Hogwarts Legacy, we want to acknowledge the conflict many in the fandom feel about supporting this game.

Eric: Yeah, the wizarding world fandom has been through very challenging times in recent years, and like many of you, our listeners, we’ve navigated an increasingly complicated landscape and have thought about what it means to be both a fan and an ally.

Micah: From the early stages of its development, Hogwarts Legacy has been a hotbed of controversy, which has stemmed largely from the uncertainty in the community of J.K. Rowling’s involvement in the game.

Laura: And as we’ve stated many times on this show, we do not agree with J.K. Rowling’s harmful views on trans people. We are continuously disappointed that the creator of the wizarding world expresses these views. Her views are very much her own, and do not reflect those of any member of this podcast.

Andrew: We have played Hogwarts Legacy, and we’ve mostly loved it. And we know that talking about it is what our listeners expect from us, and we are continuing to provide the escape into the wizarding world that we promise everyone. With that said, for listeners who want to enjoy the game but feel conflicted about purchasing it, we recommend used copies of the game, which are often available very soon after release.

Eric: Having played the game now, we feel that a lot of things contained within it align with our view of what the wizarding world should be, namely in its diversity and the sense of wonderment it recaptures from our youth. Candidly, we know not everyone will like that we’re talking about the game, but we believe that everyone who found an escape and a home at Hogwarts should continue to do so, if that’s what their heart is telling them. It’s a deeply personal decision, and it should not be solely decided by whatever you’re reading on social media.

Micah: And we encourage those who feel conflicted to join us in supporting organizations like Trans Lifeline, Lambda Legal, The Trevor Project, Transgender Law Center, and the Marsha P. Johnson Institute.

Laura: We’ve spoken behind the scenes for a while about the approach we hope will have the greatest impact, and that is continuing to financially and vocally support the organizations that support trans people, while also celebrating and honoring a world that has shaped who we and so many others are as people. We did spend quite a bit of time talking about why we disagree with J.K. Rowling on previous episodes; go ahead and check out Episode 469 as well as another shorter episode from January of 2020 for more info. We’ll be sure to put links to these in the show notes.

Andrew: Ultimately, we are really excited for the potential of Hogwarts Legacy to attract and expand on an accepting, inclusive fandom, which we’ll touch on a little bit today. We love this community, and we are so glad to be a part of it despite its challenges.


Main Discussion: Hogwarts Legacy


Andrew: So with that all said, before we jump into this review, just for anybody who might be wondering… you might be wondering if we’re going to be spoiling the game today, and our goal is no major spoilers; maybe some minor bits here and there. But this game is huge, so our goal today is to talk about why we love it, and we’ll be criticizing it here and there. And we’re also going to make sure that playing the game remains an exciting experience for anyone, whether or not you’ve played it already. And we haven’t finished the game.

Micah: No way. [laughs]

Andrew: I think Eric is furthest?

Eric: Probably.

Kevin: Surprise.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I mean, it just came out recently.

Micah: Yeah, well, I was going to say, I’ve been battling COVID the last couple of days, and I haven’t had enough hours in the day to be able to go through and finish the game yet, so that should give you an idea.

Andrew: [laughs] You try any of the many spells that you wield in the game to get rid of your COVID, Kevin? Or, uh, Micah.

Micah: See, already, you can’t tell the difference between the two of us.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: It’s the New York accent.

Micah: I tried Evanesco. It didn’t work.

Andrew: Evanesco didn’t work? Darn.

Eric: You’ve got to Flipendo it out.

Andrew: Micah and I did share some brief reviews a few weeks ago, so let’s start with Laura, Eric, and Kevin, who hasn’t actually played it, but he’s been watching Twitch streams.

Kevin: I have played it now, yes.

Andrew: Oh, you have? Oh, sweet!

Kevin: I downloaded it last night and it’s why I’m a little fuzzy today, because I was playing way too long.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: I think we’re all in the same boat there. I have to say, I’m pleasantly surprised by this game. I don’t think it’s a shock to most people listening that I haven’t been crazy about the more recent entries into the Wizarding World franchise. Didn’t love Cursed Child. Liked the first Fantastic Beasts movie; the other two were not great. But this is definitely a big step in the right direction just in terms of the attention to detail, and the fact that it’s so clear that the people who worked on this are fans and they get it. And there is so much that is done in this game that is emblematic of the wizarding world that any Harry Potter fan, whether you’re a casual fan or a hardcore fan, would recognize, and as a fan, it just makes me feel really appreciated for the first time in a while by this franchise if I’m being completely honest, so I’m pretty excited about it.

Eric: That’s well-worded. I will go and say, also pleasantly surprised here, and there’s a lot of elements that I was not expecting for them to have brought into Hogwarts Legacy from previous games, like way back to the original Sorcerer’s Stone/Chamber of Secrets games where you’re first learning a spell and you have to do the shape of the spell; things like that are just little callbacks to the entire history of Harry Potter video games, and they didn’t have to do that, but the sort of tilt of the head, little nod backwards, ultimately makes this game as nostalgic as we are in playing it.

Kevin: See, for me, it feels like Skyrim.

Laura: Yep. [laughs]

Eric: Ooh.

Kevin: I started playing and immediately, the tracing of the spells, runes in Skyrim, it very much felt like a Skyrim game. Open world, just a different story. I do appreciate the story. And obviously, they put a lot of work into building the universe, but at the end of the day, it really feels like Skyrim to me, which is a bottomless bucket of just exploring around the world.

Andrew: That’s what I was looking forward to most. Hogwarts is still breathtaking. You cannot believe how big it is; it took me 18 hours to get into the Great Hall.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I thought you couldn’t get in there until Eric made a passing comment when we were talking last week. He was like, “Oh, yeah, you can get into the Great Hall,” or something like that, and then later that night, I went back into the game and I started actually looking for it. I was like, “Oh, that’s so funny that I didn’t accidentally stumble upon the Great Hall until I went looking for it,” and I think that really speaks to just how big the game is. And then you go into something like the Great Hall, and you’re like, “Oh my God, this is really amazing.” Seeing the points in the… I don’t know what you would call those.

Eric: Would-be hourglasses.

Micah: The vials?

Andrew: Hourglasses type things, yeah. Looking up to the ceiling and seeing the night sky. It’s just all so breathtaking. And like Kevin was saying, exploring is really, really fun, and collecting things. So yeah, I continue to really enjoy it.

Micah: One of the things we’d always talk about with the Lego Harry Potter games is that they were clearly developed by fans, and I think you can definitely say that about this game, too, because there are so many of those little intricacies – and I know we’re going to talk about some of those a little bit later on – but just those little touches that are made by the game developers of things that are in there that are strictly for Harry Potter fans, I would say more so book fans than movie fans; they did a tremendous job, and they really should be applauded for it.

Eric: Yeah. And unlike the LEGO games, where the levels are sort of restrictive – you can only go one direction – this open world-ness is a game changer. And really just there’s nowhere you can see where you can’t fly to. It’s really, really, really, really, really cool.

Kevin: It’s an experiment you do in Skyrim, which is you run in one direction and see how far you can go.

Micah: Oh.

[Andrew laughs]

Kevin: Seriously, yeah, because it’s so open world. It’s like, thousands of miles in every direction.

Andrew: I’m resisting reaching out too far into the map; I’m really trying to take my time with each area. I look at unexplored areas on the world map, and I’m like, “Oh, I really hope I don’t have to go there for a really, really long time,” just because I want to spend as much time as possible playing this game and getting the enjoyment, the discovery factor out of it. I felt the same way with Horizon Forbidden West and Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. It’s just by not exploring – and I tried to – but by not exploring as far as you can, you leave more to look forward to, so maybe that’s why I think I’ve played the least amount. I’ve been traveling the last few days, so I haven’t touched it in a few days.

Eric: So what percentage completion are we? Do we do we know our percents?

Andrew: I think like, 24%.

Kevin: I’m pretty low. I’m like, 10%.

Laura: I’m at 41%.

Micah: I think the high 20s. Something like that.

Eric: Okay, I’m 79%.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Eric.

Andrew: Eric is almost done.

Kevin: Eric is like, “I’ve explored the whole world.”

Eric: I didn’t want it to be over.

Andrew: “Where’s the DLC?” [laughs]

Eric: Well, that’s the thing: You can reach the further ends of the map, like you’re saying, and still they’ll add an element that has points and things to do all around the areas you’ve already explored, so it does keep renewing, or keeps getting fresh, or you’ll have a mission. Sometimes it’s better… I just took my broom and I flew as far south as I could – the south is the biggest direction you can head in this game – and I was glad I did because I ended up getting to some fast travel points that later I had a mission and I was like, “Where the heck is this? It’s way out.” I said, “Oh, wait, I’ve already been down there. I can just fast travel.” Good stuff. But something like a good sunset and you’re on your broom – when you get brooms in the game – and it’s just like, “I want to fly right to it.”

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: You know what this game really needs? And I’m sure they’re going to add this at some point. It needs a camera mode. Yeah, you can take a screenshot of your television screen through your video game console or on PC, but you need to be able to see through your character’s eyes and take a picture. A lot of games have this. Because to Eric’s point, there’s these beautiful vistas, the sunrise, the sunset, you get on a cliff overlooking Hogwarts, you’re flying along the water… it’s beautiful, but there’s no way to capture a good picture of that with all the extra stuff on the screen.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, I completely agree. It’s actually shocking it doesn’t have a photo mode built in, just because, like you said, Horizon, all of them have it.

Kevin: I’m honestly not surprised by that, though.

Eric: Really?

Kevin: Yeah. Because I mean, if you’re a game developer, you’re pushing to release the game.

Eric: Oh.

Andrew: It’s a lower priority? Yeah.

Kevin: Correct, the tertiary features are… you don’t want to hold up the game for a camera mode.

Andrew: And to that point, I think Horizon Forbidden West did release the camera mode in a subsequent update.

Kevin: They did, yeah. I believe so.

Eric: Ohh.

Andrew: Okay, there you go. Yeah, so they’re prioritizing; they’ll get there eventually. [laughs]

Kevin: They’re like, “Okay, it was successful. Now we can actually do the things we want it to do.”

Eric: It’s fun because you can watch your avatar in photo mode, you can have them be visible or invisible, but they could also do selfies and kind of do the things… and in this game, they would add a Niffler in the background; you would have all these… there would be a lot of fun little touches.

Andrew: Casting a spell pose type thing.

Eric: Yeah, so now I hope that that is something that they add later. But my biggest question – because I know what I’ve been doing – are you guys playing as yourselves? Because what I don’t think was publicized about Hogwarts Legacy is you could… it’s not that your character or your student has a name and depending on what gender you choose for the character it’s one of two names or anything. Your name is completely write-in-able, and I was not expecting this.

Andrew: Me neither! I wish they prepared me, because then I got to this, I’m like, “Oh, dang, what do I do?” I initially had Albus Scorbus, but then I realized that was redundant.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: So I decided to go for Andrew Scorbus, so I am using my real name, but also my ship.

Laura: I’m using what I use online, which is LauTee, just a shortened version of my name.

Eric: LauTee, okay.

Kevin: I’m using Filius Robus.

Eric: Oh, cool.

Micah: Ooh, I like that.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: You got really into Harry Potter-ness.

Kevin: Yeah. I figured when in Rome, might as well.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: There you go. I kept my first name, so I went Micah, but then added on a Lestrange.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Wow.

Micah: Maybe that’s what pushed it in the direction of Slytherin when I was Sorted.

Laura: Oh, that’s the Slytherin.

Andrew: Micah Lestrange. Maybe that’s a little easter egg; if you type in an evil wizard name, it’ll think about putting you in Slytherin. That’s interesting.

Eric: I wonder. No, so I didn’t go with my name at all. I knew I wanted to play as a witch, actually, for this game. And Harry Potter is such a boys’ club – we get Harry Potter, Dumbledore, Newt Scamander – I figured, I’m going to make this legacy about a young Hufflepuff witch. And I’m surprised the game let me get away with this, but I named her Eleanor Rigby.

Andrew: Oh, fun.

Eric: [laughs] Just classic. So it was like, “Eh, that sounds like it could be a 1800s name.” So yeah, that was what I did. But yeah, no trace of Eric in there.

Andrew: I went for… he doesn’t really look like me. He has Newt Scamander-style hair, though. He’s a good-looking wizard. I want to be him.

Eric: If you do say so. Yeah.

Andrew: I want to be Andrew Scorbus.

Micah: I have blue hair, actually, Laura.

Eric: Oh, really?

Micah: Blue hair, yeah.

Laura: No, it lets you totally customize the characters. They didn’t have quite blue hair, so I gave her purple hair. It’s close enough.

Micah: Does your character…? I mean, obviously everybody’s different, but I feel like my character sounds a lot like Dan Radcliffe.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Yes, I thought that too. Pat also thought that. We’re wondering if they purposely picked that voice actor because he sounds like Dan Radcliffe/Harry Potter, because it is very close.

Eric: What’s so interesting about that is you can also… so in addition to choosing the voice actor being more of a femme or more of a masculine voice, you can also change the pitch of that voice. And this is such an interesting feature, because you can slide the pitch either down two or up two depending on what fits your character the most, and it’s still the same voice actor but they’ve adjusted the pitch even more. So I chose, I think, for the female voice, the one lower option. I think you can hear… I guess editors would call it “artifacts.” I think you can hear a little bit more of a… I don’t know. It’s something in the speech to tell it’s slowed, so I’m glad I didn’t go one lower. But yeah, it’s a really neat feature because the customizability is endless.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah, it’s really nice. In terms of the game living up to expectations, I continue, like I said earlier, to really enjoy it. One of the first things I felt about the game is the castle and the wizarding world is just alive. They really did run the risk of this game being flat and not feeling whimsical; it feels like the first two Harry Potter movies to me in that there’s magic everywhere. You’re overhearing students talking about what’s going on in their daily wizarding lives. Like I mentioned I think a couple of weeks ago, I heard a passing mention to Ilvermorny, which was pretty exciting, and that made me feel like, “Oh, there are real fans working on the game; they thought to include little things like that.”

Eric: I’ll just say, too, this game really was what I wanted in terms of scope, because they couldn’t make a fully free-roaming Hogwarts in the early years when Harry Potter was first blowing up. I remember the load times on one of the Chamber of Secrets games just to go outdoors being preventative, so this really was the update modern era game that I would have wanted 10-15 years ago, for sure.

Micah: I really love the way they just seamlessly opened the world and made it feel so rich and believable. To your point, Andrew, it just feels alive.

Andrew: Yeah, and I think one of the really exciting things to think about in terms of the future is that now that they’ve got the wizarding world built, there could be a sequel one day that is based on the map and the world that they already have, so another game could come sooner rather than later.

Kevin: Yeah, there is no doubt a DLC is on the way.

Andrew: Yeah, that will come.

Kevin: Without a question, they’re going to expand that map.

Andrew: Yeah, but they could also maybe just do a more modern-day Hogwarts game if they wanted. They’ll have to update Hogwarts a bit; this game is set in the 1800s. I could see them updating the map to a more modern-day Hogwarts and do a sequel, or maybe not exactly a sequel, but just using the existing world. And it might not take as long to develop; this one was in development for probably six, seven, eight years? The next one could come in three or four years, maybe.

Eric: What’s really cool is the seasons change throughout the game, so every building, every tree, every blade of grass has been textured for all four different seasons, so that’s the coolest thing about the open world, is if you fly somewhere, it’s going to look totally different in winter than it did in summer. And in the case of, for instance, even the Great Hall being decorated…

Micah: Pumpkins.

Eric: These are things that are classic, absolute, but they had to do everything four times, which is impressive when you consider the size.

Andrew: Yeah, it’s like, “Oh, wait, no. They didn’t. They didn’t. Different seasons?”

Micah: They did.

Andrew: Or “Wait, no, I can’t swim, can I? Can I really swim? Oh, dang, I can swim.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: And I guess for anyone who hasn’t played or watched some videos – there’s plenty of people playing on YouTube – the game is not just Hogwarts and Hogsmeade. There’s actually… they built out an entire… basically, all across I guess the Scottish Highlands, these little what they call hamlets, tiny little towns, little villages, and it goes for quite a while. It goes for quite a way that there is a surrounding community. Some are similarly named; there’s Hogsfield, Upper Hogsfield, Lower Hogsfield…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … and others will blow you away, so I’m just shocked at how big they went, because I think trying to set a game in Hogwarts with the option of Hogsmeade weekends would have also worked, but I’m glad they didn’t do that because you can basically spend as much time away from Hogwarts or at Hogwarts as you want.

Laura: And don’t forget the Forbidden Forest. Also very expansive. A ton to do in there.

Kevin: So what’s funny is that as a Skyrim player, you’re all surprised by the seasons and the change, but it’s like Skyrim. Like literally Skyrim.

[Andrew laughs]

Kevin: What’s shocking is if you play a Bethesda game, you will experience this in those games as well.

Eric: This is the standard of what to expect from modern gaming, essentially.

Kevin: Correct.

Eric: That’s what every modern game wants to, or is expected to do.

Andrew: And I think we’ve been waiting so long for something like this that we continue to be blown away by the fact that they actually are living up to expectations because sometimes what happens with so many things in life, you set the bar so high, you’re like, “Oh my God, I can’t wait, I can’t wait,” and then you play something or you experience something and you’re like, “Eh.” But with this, it’s like, “Wow, okay, they really did live up to what we were hoping for.”

Laura: Yeah, I think the thing is as an open world RPG, it’s pretty standard, right? Like Kevin is saying. But we’ve never received the standard from this franchise before.

Andrew: [laughs] Right.

Laura: So just as a gamer, this game is really good. But as a Harry Potter fan, it’s great, because it’s what we’ve been waiting for for two decades.

Andrew: Totally.

Eric: Yeah, I mean, we had some really creative early games in the sphere of Harry Potter gaming, but then it quickly devolved into the movie tie-in games, which were not even as good as some of those movies, which is saying something. And besides the LEGO game – maybe the Quidditch World Cup game – creativity was very lacking, and moments that you really wanted to spend time and live at Hogwarts were very fleeting. Even the LEGO games had to follow the plot of four of the movies, so it was very limited to that. Whereas this being on its own, its own story, feels like freedom, and that’s exactly it.

Andrew: Living the unwritten.

Micah: Just to go back for one second to the point about… we keep bringing up Skyrim and Breath of the Wild and our surprise at just how amazing this world is. I think part of it, though, is we don’t necessarily have a personal connection to the Skyrim world or the Breath of the Wild world, and maybe some people do and there are places that they want to go and things that they want to see, but I feel like for us… you can literally walk into any shop in Hogsmeade; they spared no expense on this, right? You can go into Zonko’s, you can go into the Three Broomsticks, and on and on and on it goes, and that’s just one example. But I just feel like there’s literally no place in this world that you can’t go. It may take you some time to get there, you may need to be at a certain point in the game, but you will inevitably get the opportunity to explore pretty much everything that you’ve ever wanted to in this world, and I think that’s just so cool.

Andrew: And that’s why it’s doing so well. And that’s what we’ve wanted; we just wanted to explore the wizarding world period. So let’s talk more about what we’re enjoying, and then we will get to some criticisms; I, at least, definitely have some. Let’s start with the flying. So this is one you get, I don’t know, maybe five to ten hours into the game. This is one of those things where you do it for the first time, and I had one of those “I love magic” moments.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: It’s just really amazing being able to fly around Hogwarts, and they guide you around the castle the first time you fly. I think, Micah, you had a similar feeling the first time.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, I really liked flying on the broom. That’s very cool. But when you get to fly on the hippogriff and you can use Highwing to go pretty much anywhere… and as Eric was talking about earlier, it’s probably worth jumping on her to go all the way south unless you want to just transport yourself there, but I would recommend doing the ride. It’s just so cool, and you see some of those landscape shots, those sunsets or those sunrises coming up over Hogwarts, depending on what season it is, and you’re on the back of Highwing. It’s just really cool.

Laura: Yeah, plus one to that.

Micah: I enjoyed that. I had a similar moment to you, Andrew. I love magic.

Andrew: I love magic!

[Everyone laughs]

Kevin: See, now I’m looking forward to it. I haven’t gotten that far yet.

Laura: It’s great.

Andrew: They also try to steer you into doing broom upgrades and I’m like, “I don’t know; my broom seems fine. I don’t think I need anything more here.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: You should just be like, “My hippogriff is fine.”

Andrew: [laughs] I haven’t gotten my bird yet.

Eric: Here’s my first played-further-than-you tip: Don’t worry about the broom upgrades. Get the first one, but after that, I don’t really notice much of a change, and the later ones cost a lot more.

Andrew: Okay.

Micah: They’re expensive; I was going to say that. The first one is like, 1,000 coins and it’s like, “I don’t have that kind of money.”

Eric: The next is 4,000.

Andrew: Galleons?

Eric: I call them monies. [laughs] When the icon comes up.

Andrew: Yeah, what currency is this?

Micah: I’ve heard them say Knut at some point.

Andrew: Knuts?

Eric: Well, they talk about Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts, but the money is not delineated in that way. When you get money, it’s just a gold coin.

Laura: Yeah, I’m just saying gold.

Eric: Monies, gold.

Laura: Can we do a money check-in? Because I’ve seen some comments in this doc about people being concerned about money.

Micah: I’m poor.

Laura: How much money do y’all have right now in Hogwarts Legacy?

Micah: Not much.

Kevin: Very little.

Andrew: Not much, because I spend it as soon as I save up a little bit. Here’s my issue: Initially, you need to gather these random bits of clothing around the wizarding world that you then sell, or you keep ones that will upgrade your defense and offense, and at least for me, it was a little hard to grasp the whole system at first. And here’s one criticism that I think everybody has: You run out of storage slots very quickly unless you complete certain challenges, so it’s frustrating. You need a bigger backpack, so to speak. But one thing I didn’t realize is that there’s these chests with these giant eyeballs on them, and each of those has 500 coins in it. However, I thought you couldn’t open those till a lot later in the game. I didn’t realize you just need to make yourself invisible, sneak up to it, and then you open it up and boom, there’s 500. So once I heard that… shout-out to… I’ve been chatting with MuggleCast listeners in the Discord. We have a video game channel; people have been talking about the game there. I learned that from them, and that was a game-changer for me, because once you can open those chests – and there’s a lot of those – then you start making a lot of money.

Eric: Yeah, that was how I got my initial… I just saw on YouTube, happened to pass by because I follow the channel of the guy doing it named JorRaptor, and he had one that’s like, “Get 10,000 gold in the first 10 minutes of Hogwarts Legacy,” because as soon as you have the invisibility charm, you can go do that. Yeah, those are the best source of income. There’s just not enough sources of income in the game. Money was a constant struggle for me, and everything you want to buy – like, say, a bigger potions table, which will help you later on, when you need to stock up your potions – is like, 3,000 monies.

Andrew: [laughs] Monies.

Eric: And that’s a lot, considering you…

Laura: But you only have to buy it once.

Eric: You only have to buy it once, but your clothing options, even the best clothing option sells for 150 or 200 monies, so that’s like, 60… I mean, I haven’t done the math, but how many clothing options do you need to sell just to get a potions table? It’s not balanced. And you’re also saying goodbye to cool gear, just to get a potions table.

Andrew: I do hate selling cool gear. That’s bummed me out.

Eric: Here’s a tip. The gear is my favorite part of the game. I love accessorizing; I also love being… because all of the other characters are in their Hogwarts robes, so it’s cool just sliding all up into Charms class and you’re wearing huge newt glasses and a hoodie and a mask and all this other stuff, so that’s been really fun. A lot of what you have gotten even discarded in the game as clothing, there’s something called gear appearance options…

Andrew: Okay.

Eric: … and it’s when you’re in the gear menu and hit square over any particular thing. Some of the items you’ve gotten rid of, you can actually change the appearance of your current gear to look like other gear that you’ve had. So I have no idea why they did this, because the gear slot thing is super frustrating.

Kevin: But you do, right? The whole purpose is to keep you playing. They want to put that carrot out and have you chase the carrot.

Eric: But any one dungeon or any one cave that you go into in the game can have five or six chests, which most of them have gear, and so you’re constantly cycling through… I couldn’t complete… in order to get more gear slots, you need to do these Merlin challenges. Throwback because Merlin was a Slytherin; that’s known from extended canon, very much brought into this game. To do the Merlin challenges, I didn’t have enough ability to do enough of those because I didn’t have enough spells unlocked. It was just a constant struggle to have to shed my gear because I couldn’t get more gear slots. It was very annoying.

Andrew: And that feature that you’re describing, Eric, maybe I just missed it, but I feel like they need to do a better job of telling you about that, because HufflepuffTeach is bringing that up in our Discord now as well. And even after hearing about that a couple weeks ago, because Pat mentioned that to me, too, I don’t know where to activate that in the game, so it needs to be more readily apparent.

Kevin: I just hope they don’t add a buy option where it’s…

Eric: Oh, like in-game purchases? Yeah.

Kevin: Exactly, because that diminishes a game.

Eric: It does.

Laura: I want to go back to money, though, y’all.

Micah: I’m basically a Weasley.

Laura: I feel like you’re doing it wrong.

Eric: Wait, how am I doing it wrong?

Laura: Because okay, I constantly have 8,000 to 10,000 gold all the time.

Eric: What?!

Andrew: Whoa!

Laura: I am not struggling with this.

Eric: Are you running a beast-trading ring? [laughs]

Laura: No, not at all.

Micah: You’ve gone down the dark path, haven’t you?

Laura: So what you do is you’ve got to get that disillusionment charm like Andrew was talking about. Get into the eyeball little crates. Also, when you’re completing side missions, you’ve got to ask people to pay you. You can do that. [laughs]

Andrew: Oh yeah, I keep forgetting to do that.

Eric: I could never. I could never, no.

Laura: Why?!

Eric: Because you’re doing something out of the goodness of your heart.

Laura: I’m not!

[Andrew and Kevin laugh]

Eric: You’re doing an adventure.

Andrew: Laura is there for the monies.

Eric: There is always an option to say, “I have this thing for you that you’ve asked me to find, but I will give it to you for a price,” or in some cases it says, “I think I’ll keep it, actually.” It’s just like, “Oh.”

Laura: Yeah, that’s really mean. But no, you ask them for money and they’ll be like, “Okay, here’s 500 gold.” Easy.

Andrew: Oh, that’s a lot. I didn’t expect that much.

[Laura laughs]

Kevin: Andrew is like, “I just changed.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: I’m always tapping through the menu so fast that I accidentally avoid collecting money.

Micah: To that point, I think it was last night I did a side mission, and when I got back and I brought the thing, I demanded some money, and they actually paid; it was like, 300 or 500 gold coins, so it does work. It’s a tough practice to take, I guess, if you have a bit of morality, Eric, but it is just a video game at the end of the day.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: No, no.

Kevin: So I haven’t played enough of the game to feel this out, but does the response of the character that you’re interacting with change because of the money you requested? Because in Skyrim, what would happen is that you have some sort of reputation, and that reputation is on a scale, and you don’t see the scale, but your reputation fluctuates based on the responses you give to individual NPCs, non-playable characters.

Eric: The short answer is no.

Kevin: No, okay, so there’s no reputation.

Laura: Right.

Eric: In the moment you’ll get a character respond negatively to that, or like, “Oh, my feelings are hurt,” and you can hurt some feelings in this game, but yeah, it ultimately doesn’t change anything.

Laura: Yeah, we’ll get to that with criticisms.

Micah: My guy was totally cool with it. He was like, “I understand.” I was like, “Okay, I should ask for more.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Moving along here, the Room of Requirement…

Laura: Oh my God.

Andrew: I’m sure this has been a surprise for everybody. I was not expecting Animal Crossing-level customization in the Room of Requirement, basically building your own little house. [laughs]

Eric: It’s like The Sims.

Andrew: Yeah. Great game.

Eric: You can choose furniture and portraits. Yeah, the Room of Requirement, for those who don’t know, in this game is used as a hub where you can brew potions away from prying eyes; you can also eventually bring beasts into there, into their own little almost Newt Scamander suitcase kind of a thing. And they have various environments, and you can change the environment; you can change the layout, the design… it’s an entire game in and of itself, essentially.

Laura: Yeah, I love going in there and taking care of my beasts. And you can breed them, too.

Eric: Well, you can brush them.

Micah: Feed them.

Eric: Conjure a brush and brush them and then they purr.

Andrew: I was seeing in our Discord, you can breed them and sell them for money, so maybe, Laura, that’s another reason why you’ve got a lot of coins.

[Kevin laughs]

Laura: Yes.

Eric: But only 120 money. It’s not worth the 30 minutes that it takes to breed these things if you’re only going to get 120 gold.

Laura: I mean, what you do is you set them to breed and then you go do something else. You go…

Eric: You don’t have to watch them?

Laura: No!

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: You don’t have to be in the…?

Laura: Wouldn’t that be weird to be like, “I’m going to sit here and watch my Thestrals get it on”?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Kevin: Laura has a breeding factory. This is happening.

Eric: I’ve wasted so much time just petting the Kneazles while my unicorn is getting… oh, man.

Laura: Because the thing is, you eventually run out of space in your vivariums and you have no choice but to sell excess species. And there is a shop in Hogsmeade that you can sell them to that is allegedly reputable, so I think you’re led to believe that the animals will come to no harm by being sold there.

Kevin: So you’re the capitalist.

Laura: Yeah.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: You kind of have to be.

Eric: Essentially, the whole beast angle, which is really cool and very much taking from Fantastic Beasts… the whole beast angle in the game very much owes it to those movies and Newt’s mission. You’re fighting against poachers the whole game; the greater surrounding Hogwarts area is at risk. All the beasts are at risk from poachers, so when you catch a beast in the wild, it says, “You have rescued a Kneazle. You have rescued…” No matter what, you can do no wrong. Your character is providing a home and protection, and that’s such a neat way to swing the fact that you are taking these beasts from their natural environment.

Kevin: But you could imagine the audience is likely… they’re applying to the audience, right? My nephews are likely playing this game, and you don’t want… it’s a child playing this game. You don’t want to be involving a moral conundrum.

Andrew: Scaring them.

Kevin: Correct.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, but it’s very much… again, that element feels more like Pokémon. You have to maybe use a freeze charm to get some of them to slow down a little bit, while you catch them in your knapsack.

Micah: To your point, it’s very much a nod to the Fantastic Beasts franchise, and being able to incorporate that into this game in a way that’s actually a lot of fun. I think we all enjoy Pokémon and we all enjoy going out and trying to catch all these different creatures, and the fact that we can bring them back home with us and breed them, I guess, and sell them…

Andrew: MuggleCast Episode 600: “Laura’s Breeding Factory.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Thank you, Kevin, for that title.

Laura: I don’t know if we want to make that the title. That might create some perceptions.

Andrew: Yeah, nope, nope.

Eric: Wow.

Micah: From “Laura’s Pants” to “Laura’s Breeding Factory.”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Patreon-only title.

Micah: Do you remember that episode, Kevin? “Laura’s Pants”?

Laura: I do remember that episode vividly. It gets brought up all the time.

[Kevin and Laura laugh]

Eric: So you’re not hurting for monies, Laura?

Laura: No, not at all.

Andrew: She’s got a breeding factory. [laughs]

Eric: I agonize over every large purchase I make; it’s been a real… I’m fine now, but it’s a pain.

Micah: Can I ask a legit question? Can you not sell ingredients or things that you pick up?

Andrew: I wish you could. It doesn’t seem like you can.

Micah: I have so much of that stuff. I would make bank if I could sell some of that fur or Inferi.

Eric: All the beast products allow you to upgrade some of the gear that you’re still holding on to. But yeah, just still in the realm of things I love, honestly, there are so many characters in this game that aren’t from the books. There are a few that are, of course; namely, we talked about Headmaster Phineas Nigellus black, although he’s not really in the game so much.

Andrew: Yeah, I’ve noticed that too.

Eric: In fact, instead, your classmates that you meet along the way, and the other professors that are teaching you these spells, are so unique and different, and yet feel that they fit in this world. That’s something that I think is a huge plus. A lot of times characters, especially NPCs, can feel flat, or maybe you have one or two good scenes with them, but there’s entire relationship trees that go… basically the end of your relationship line is five, six, seven episodes with each of these different students that you can find, and that’s way different. And you really get to learn about them as a person, and they’re interacting with you, and it’s like having friends at Hogwarts. It really is well done.

Kevin: The other thing I was going to say is that just out of the gate starting the game, it’s an impressive story, right? The ancient magic line.

Andrew: It’s cool.

Kevin: It makes you realize, “Wow, I’m not as creative as the people who wrote this story.” [laughs] You’re doing very well.

Andrew: Let’s talk about combat, Laura.

Laura: Yeah, I wanted to call this out, and it’s a little bit of a double-edged sword, so I’m going to start here with what I like about it, and I do have a little bit of a criticism that comes later when we get into things that we don’t like as much. I think overall, the combat is super fun. I’ve really been enjoying unlocking spells, leveling up my spells, going around in search of fights, to be honest with you, to level my character up…

Andrew: What a baddie.

Kevin: Breeding factory and a gangster.

[Kevin and Laura laugh]

Eric: Laura’s character is in a leather jacket, just a greaser, like, “Come pay your money to me.”

Laura: Actually, I am wearing a dragon-hide jacket at this point in the game.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: [toughly] “Don’t mess with Laura.”

Laura: But it makes you be very creative, right, depending on the types of level-ups that you choose for your spells, depending on if you’re paying attention to the enemy guides. So if you go into your inventory, there are enemy guides for all of the different types of wizards, goblins, creatures that you’ll run across, that will specifically tell you which spells are most effective against them. So it allows you to be really, really strategic, and I have found that element of the game to be really, really fun.

Andrew: The combat is really cool. We were cautiously optimistic about it, I think, going into the game because spellwork in previous Harry Potter games, it was always just like, “Meh,” but this is really good, really fluid. Switching spells can be a challenge. There’s a lot of spells they give you and some of them seem redundant; I don’t know if they needed to give us all these spells. On the other hand, we might be complaining if they didn’t give us enough, so maybe it was a tough situation for them to be in. Because I find myself getting stuck switching between spell sets that you can customize, and then having to load back in spells to the various sets that you have. It’s just a little wonky. I don’t love it. But when you do get into battle with somebody and you have your four that you like, and you go through these combos, it’s really satisfying. Dragging somebody towards you, throwing them up in the air, throwing three spells at them, setting them on fire… [laughs] It sounds violent, but is a lot of fun.

Kevin: Well, if it’s anything like Skyrim, it should be a bottomless bucket. You should always have something to do and achieve, so spells seems like a natural way of assuring that.

Andrew: Let’s get a little more critical now; what we don’t like about the game. Maybe this reveals itself later in the game – I’m not sure I want anybody to tell me, Eric – we don’t know early on why our character is joining Hogwarts so late. We just know that they can wield ancient magic, and the ancient magic stuff, especially early on in the game, it’s really cool. It’s really trippy and original; I was very blown away by how they kicked off the game. But the whole late-blooming wizard angle was one of the earliest things we had heard about this game, and we were really intrigued by that, like, “Oh, late-blooming, that’s a refreshing take on Harry Potter,” instead of going through the, “You’re a wizard, Andrew Scorbus,” at 11 years old, and you start off as a kid. You’re starting off as more of an adult in this game, but we don’t know why. Is that addressed?

Eric: I think that why they did it… and I do agree, from a Harry Potter book fan standpoint, “Ooh, a late-blooming wizard, how exciting.” But they don’t really go into who your character was the first 14 years of their life. There’s not… your parent is not going to write you an owl. It’s like you are a blank slate. And the reason they make you a fifth year is just because that’s probably the youngest they can possibly make you for a game where you’re fighting adult wizards, dark wizards, and trolls and goblins, and doing the kinds of things that you have to do in the combat in this game. It wouldn’t make sense for an 11-year-old to do it, and I get the feeling that that’s exactly why you’re a fifth year, because they have you facing off against these…

Andrew: I see.

Kevin: That makes a lot of sense, yeah. It allows them to accelerate the story without having you go through the years.

Eric: Right, then your character would age, and they’ve just removed all of that because 15 is like, “Okay, you’re old enough; you could reasonably survive a goblin.”

Micah: But my character looks like he’s in his early 20s, honestly, not 15.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, they do look older.

Eric: Well, that’s the movie adaptation version.

Andrew: [laughs] Some of the dialogue as you walk around is very, very repetitive. I don’t know if this is a bug; maybe they needed to record a lot more. They need to get everybody back into the studio and record 30 new lines each. You hear the same comments over and over again, as you enter Hogsmeade, for example. The Floo Network lady is saying the same two things.

Laura: Oh my God.

Andrew: It’s like, why? They need to release an update where those are being heard less.

Kevin: That’s pretty common in Skyrim. Not to keep bringing it back to Skyrim, but…

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: I’m all excited for our Skyrim review episode.

Andrew: Is this a Skyrim review?

Kevin: No, but it really is. And what it is is just it’s too expensive, so what ends up happening is a world is too large, and they’d have to record thousands of audio clips for it to actually be immersive enough for you to feel like they’re not repeating themselves.

Andrew: But can we just hear the Hogsmeade and – I almost said Skyrim – Hogsmeade and Floo Network lady stuff less?

Kevin: And that’s fair, yeah.

Andrew: Reduce how often we hear that?

Eric: Yeah, with the Floo Network, you’re going to use that function so much, so that’s the number one pain point, if you get tired of hearing her three lines. I love the idea that Ignatia Wildsmith, who invented Floo Powder, who by the way, is a little statue you go up to to use the Floo Network, a.k.a. fast travel in this game, is so vain that she just keeps bragging about her invention. I like that as a character moment.

Andrew: Okay, yeah, that’s a way to look at it.

Eric: Because she says things like, “You won’t believe how inconvenient travel was before I invented Floo Powder,” but when you hear it after the 300th time, you’re like, “Okay, okay, thank you. Just going to use your network, okay.”

Laura: This is something that I want to address that’s kind of the other side of the coin from my complimentary take on the combat. It’s something that both Kevin and Eric touched on a little early: The lack of karma/morality system in this game feels like a miss. It’s probably pretty clear from how I’ve been talking about it, I’ve been definitely playing as a vigilante…

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: … and there just don’t seem to be any repercussions good or bad for the choices that you make in the game, including the use of Unforgivable Curses. There really aren’t any downsides to using them. I have straight-up used Crucio in front of characters who you would think would be anti-use of Unforgivable Curses, and they don’t say a damn thing. [laughs] They don’t say anything.

Eric: Does that embolden you to continue to be the badass witch you are?

[Andrew and Kevin laugh]

Laura: No, so the thing is, the second you whip out an Unforgivable Curse, the combat becomes a lot less interesting, I think, because it nerfs everybody else, right? So I feel like there needs to be something to create a cost here. Like, they’re Unforgivable Curses.

Kevin: A reputation.

Laura: Yeah, Aurors should be descending on you when you’re using Unforgivable Curses. You should have to flee and you should have to fight Aurors in addition to the other people that you’re fighting. There needs to be more of a cost. There needs to be more weight to using them. An even more simple system would be, use Unforgivable Curses? You’re really powerful, but none of the characters want to help you and you have to go it alone. Or you go the good path, you’re not as powerful, but you get more help from other characters. That would make a lot more sense to me.

Eric: Here’s the thing for me: There seems to be some remnants of maybe they almost did that, or maybe they went a little further in doing that. Some of your talents which allow you to upgrade spells allow you to use Expelliarmus and Arresto Momentum as if it were an Unforgivable Curse, by way of saying your victim is cursed. Your target is cursed after doing that. So you have an alternate option if you don’t want to use the Unforgivable Curse; you also have an option not to learn the Unforgivable Curses. Each time one comes up is in a big story moment; it gives you a choice whether you want to learn it, or whether you want to see it be used, because the story treats them with this weight and the game allows you a presumed alternative, but they don’t go so far as to saying you can’t use the spell. The only thing that stopped… yeah.

Kevin: And I wonder if this is not just a, I don’t know, hit against the audience, which is they’re trying to apply this game to a broad, very broad audience. Skyrim, you would never play as a child, right? Because it’s too mature of a game. And as a result, they’re creating this broad swath of, I don’t know, 11-year-olds to 40-year-olds that are playing this game, and as a result, they don’t want to introduce these concepts that might be complicated for a younger audience.

Eric: I mean, I did learn Crucio as part of the gameplay, but when I used it, I quickly stopped using it. And the reason is, I used it against this big old guy who’s real tall, 6’6″ wizard, and when you use it, it does a thunderclap and he gets all subdued and actually has time to say, “What have you done? What are you doing?” And he’s suffering and you’re just like, “Oh my God, what have I done?”

Andrew: Oh, whatever. I love killing people.

[Andrew and Kevin laugh]

Laura: Here’s the thing, though: You can transfigure enemies into barrels and then blow them up with Confringo. You’re killing them when you do that.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But they don’t ask you “What are you doing to me?”

[Laura laughs]

Kevin: What’s your address, Andrew? We might call the cops.

[Kevin and Laura laugh]

Andrew: If anybody ever wants to get something out of Eric, just be like, “What are you doing to me?” And he’ll be like, “Oh gosh, I can’t handle this.” [laughs]

Eric: Absolutely, no! That deterred me more than any game storyline mission character dialogue could deter me. It made me think, “What am I doing? I’m using an Unforgivable.”

Kevin: That’s brutal. Yeah, that’s really brutal.

Andrew: It does bring up interesting questions about those spells in the wizarding world and the repercussions.

Eric: That’s what I’m talking about. So it’s your own choice to be using those spells or not. I do like that the game vaguely put in an alternative, but you mostly need to learn it because the character that you’re doing it in front of is going to be a major person that influences the story. I would say, too, combat can seem repetitive, not just because I’m using the same spells that aren’t the Unforgivables, but it’s really… I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone into a cave and there’s a troll and I sigh, not because I ever feel like I’m in danger, but just because trolls take more hits to get past. I want to move the story along. I want to get past here, there’s a troll, oh God, I’m going to be throwing so many barrels now. It would be different if there were, again, certain specific ways in which you could intelligently and sneakily dispatch these faster, but no, it’s basically just mashing buttons until you get them down.

Andrew: I guess you could maybe use some potions to help you kill them faster, or some plants.

Eric: Yeah, that’s one area that I haven’t explored. I have a full set of… there’s a Maxima potion, a Focus potion, an Edurus which is your defense. But yeah, I haven’t yet experimented with using too many of the plant assistants. Maybe that will diversify the battle option for me, but mostly I just go in and do a spell.

Laura: They’re fun. And also, between cooldowns on your spell set, if you’re just hitting them repeatedly with your R2, it levels up your ancient magic meter so that you get ancient magic sooner and you can take them down a peg sooner and you’re not stuck in that battle as long.

Andrew: I really like the Pikachu thunderbolt you can do with the ancient magic.

Laura: Yep. [laughs]

Eric: Now every time I do that, I’m going, “Pikachuuuu!”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I think we touched on this a little bit earlier when talking about finding crates and things when you’re working on a mission; if you take down a really big cave of goblins, for example, where you’re extremely outnumbered, and you have to navigate your way through to the very end, and there’s this really promising crate waiting for you, and you’ll open it up and it’s like, gloves! Sometimes that can seem a little random, so it’ll feel like you work really hard to get through something, but then the reward at the end sometimes isn’t substantial.

Eric: It did call them unbeatable Quidditch gloves, so I was very excited.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: But it turned out my current gloves were better, so I didn’t… [laughs]

Laura: Right.

Andrew: I was surprised clothing and accessories were such a big part of the game in terms of opening chests and stuff. Not the most exciting thing. But there is other stuff to collect; I’d prefer those things that you can get for the Room or Requirement, or just more monies.

Micah: And Laura, that’s presuming your gear slots aren’t full when you get to the end of the…

Laura: Yeah, you’ve got to get through those Merlin trials.

Eric: Yeah, which, that kind of goes into… are we ready to move to the things that make us smile? Or Micah, did you want to mention the controls?

Micah: Yeah, just one thing on my end, and this could just be a PS5 thing and I’m using a wireless controller. But I find the controls to be a little wonky sometimes, and it’s not because I casted a spell and it’s restoring itself; it’s literally I’m pressing the button to cast the normal spell and it’s not going through, so I don’t know if it’s a wireless thing or what the issue is, but…

Kevin: It’s a fair question. What platforms are everyone playing on? I’m playing on PC.

Laura: PS5.

Eric: PlayStation.

Andrew: Okay. Yeah, all of us are on PS5, except for Kevin.

Kevin: And the reason I mention that is that when I played on PC, it very much felt like a sandboxed version of an Xbox game, so they probably did some sort of multi-platform translation layer, for lack of a better description, and that type of thing tends to lead to this, which is you have control issues, or the controls differ from Xbox to PlayStation to PC.

Eric: Some of my… so you can control which slot goes into “Push circle and R2,” “Push square and R2,” all that stuff. And I have seen it fire without me asking it to sometimes; I mean, combat, so I don’t necessarily care, but I have accidentally sent the wrong spell or something. I’m like, “Damn, now I need to wait for that to cool down. I was only preparing to use that after this one.” So I have seen the buttons get a little wonky.

Andrew: And again, my biggest hangup is switching spell sets that you can customize.

Micah: Yeah, that’s tough.

Andrew: And if you’ve got to put in a new spell to one of your sets during combat, that’s been really tough for me to do. I know it pauses when you bring up the full spell menu, but still, I don’t know. Something’s not fluid about it.

Laura: I think you’ll get used to it.

Micah: Yeah, it’s just the normal R2, no combination needed. You just tap R2 and it fires your normal spell.

Andrew: The normal basic, yeah.

Micah: But sometimes when I hit R2, it won’t fire it, and I don’t know why.

Andrew: Because you have to press it all the way down? Is that…?

Micah: Maybe that’s it.

Andrew: I think I know what you’re talking about.

Micah: This other point that got brought up by the Half-Blood House-Elf in our Discord: “My issue is in combat, it focuses on someone way far away when I’m trying to hit somebody right in front of me.” I’ve had that problem too.

Andrew: Oh, yeah. You can turn that off if you want, but it is just easier for it to auto-highlight, I think.

Laura: I just like to use R3 to select whichever enemy is closest to me, and it keeps your camera focused.

Eric: Oh yeah, it locks. It locks on.

Laura: Yeah, it keeps your… mhmm.

Eric: Yeah, that’s useful.

Andrew: Little things that make us smile, as we get towards the end of our review here.

Eric: Quick shout-out to diversity. I was thinking about this as I was preparing to talk about it, but there is more diversity in 15 minutes of cutscenes in this game than there are in all the Harry Potter books.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: Combined. Combined! There is so much diversity. Your characters that you meet around Hogwarts have been at Uagadou. One of your teachers studied at Mahoutokoro. They talk about it. This is all brought into the wider world, and the world feels bigger for it and better for it. The fact that you are part of a whole, that Hogwarts isn’t everything, your characters are from everywhere, they look like everything… this is so important, for every reason.

Andrew: Yeah, there’s a trans person in the game. There’s a lesbian woman in the game who mentions being married to another woman. Yeah, 1800s Hogwarts is more diverse than the 1990s Hogwarts. [laughs]

Eric: And anything we’ve ever seen before, yeah.

Andrew: But shout-out to the creators; they set out with an intention to make the game more diverse than the core seven books.

Eric: There’s a blind character as well.

Andrew: There is a blind character, yeah, a Gaunt is blind. I don’t want to spoil this; I’ll just say there’s a very cool Thestrals moment early on in the game and I think that again speaks to that real fans are working on this game. I heard this line – again, fans working on the game – it was something to the effect of one student says, “Of course, you could use Accio on a human,” and then another student replies, “Well, you’d be using it on clothing. You know you can’t actually use Accio on humans.” I thought that was great because there’s been a lot of debate about what you can Accio amongst fans. [laughs]

Micah: So it just rips their clothes off? Is that what happens?

[Kevin laughs]

Andrew: No, it uses the clothes to pull them towards you if you’re Accio-ing them. I thought that was a thoughtful line to include.

Eric: Yeah, those conversations, it’s so rich with that, and that’s everything. This game, because it has been made after Pottermore and all of the extended writings and all of the other world-building things that we’ve seen, incorporates them all. There are things like… the other wizarding schools is just one example where now, “Okay, so we know this about it, but let’s have characters talk about what it was like there. Let’s have characters mention it.” Merlin being a Slytherin, which was just an old J.K. Rowling webchat answer, I think, is canon in the game. They talk about his Slytherin roots and how he’s set you these challenges because he’s very ambitious and trying to cull less accomplished magicians. All this amazing stuff that is all worked in, coupled with when you’re walking around Hogwarts, there are things you wouldn’t expect. There’s a tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. There’s Baruffio. There’s paintings, portraits, statues, that are all these little references that you’re like, “Of course that would be there, but what does it actually look like?” It’s amazing to see how far they’ve pulled from little teeny corners and put it into this game, and that’s very satisfying. Not to mention areas that you think should be there, like the first floor bathroom, where we know is the entrance of the Chamber of Secrets; you can go visit it. And there’s a page of your field guide, which we haven’t talked about yet, but it’s kind of like your Pokédex.

Micah: Oh, I’ll have to go there. Haven’t been there yet.

Eric: When you go there, something happens. It’s really neat.

Laura: And I think on that note, there’s some significant opportunities for DLC. We’ve already talked about Chamber of Secrets being a big one; there’s what Eric just referenced, but there’s another pretty strong reference to the Chamber of Secrets that I won’t spoil here. Obviously, Quidditch. It gets mentioned multiple times throughout the game that Quidditch has been canceled this year; feels like that’s probably the next thing we’re going to get. As others have mentioned, other wizarding schools, and then I think there could even be an opportunity to expand on what you’re doing with beasts in this game. I’ve really actually been pleasantly surprised by how that’s been done, and I would like to see more of it.

Andrew: I still want there to be a separate Quidditch game in the line of Quidditch World Cup, which we’ve brought up on the show before. However, I am now convinced there will be a Quidditch DLC because they keep mentioning Quidditch in the game.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: It’s not like they’re brushing it under the rug and hoping people forget about Quidditch. It’s addressed in the start of term speech from the headmaster, it’s brought up a couple more times… I think they want us to think about it so that one day we are excited when they announce a Quidditch DLC. The Quidditch pitch is there; you can visit it. There are some activities to do around it. But yeah, you can’t actually play a game of Quidditch. So I previously thought, “Eh. maybe they will, maybe they won’t,” but now, because they keep reminding us about Quidditch, I think they’re going to do a Quidditch DLC.

Micah: Yeah, I think that’s definitely coming. And I just want to know, can I fly on the hippogriff instead of the broom?

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Because I find it easier to fly on a hippogriff than it is to fly on a broom.

Laura: It is easier.

Andrew: Oh, is it?

Micah: That’s just me.

Andrew: Here’s one more complaint: You look stiff on the broom. It doesn’t look natural to me. They could have worked a little more on that, I think. And the ghosts that fly around the school, too; sometimes they’re just stagnant. Like, yeah, they’re floating, but they’re not moving. Their bodies aren’t moving.

Micah: And Laura, to your point about the Chamber of Secrets, there’s definitely a very cool reference that’s made at one point in the game, and there’s a letter that you find that references what’s inside of the Chamber, so not to spoil anything too much, but I do think they’re moving potentially in that direction. So actually, when I went through that, I didn’t know, “Oh, is the Chamber of Secrets going to be something that you get to later on in the game?” But it doesn’t seem like that’s the case. And then for me, yeah, I love seeing Peeves just flying around, being up to his normal antics like sliding down banisters and causing problems for you. And then the secret passageways, right? When we talk about them really doing everything, they did everything. And I’ll just use the example of the One-Eyed Witch secret passageway that goes into Honeydukes. It’s not just you press a button and you go from being at the One-Eyed Witch into Honeydukes. You actually have to go through the process of getting from point A to point B, and it’s not that easy, honestly; they really they make you work for it. But there’s a lot of those little secret areas that are so fun to explore.

Eric: After putting many hours to this game, I still find new secret passageways. I froze a fireplace and you can crawl through in one of the offices. It’s really, really cool; leads to this whole area you didn’t expect. One of the bathroom stalls, if you go through it, there’s actually a tiny little boiler room with a chest.

Andrew: I think I saw that, yeah.

Eric: There’s just so many unique, cool things.

Andrew: Some areas, you just go up and up and up stairwells, and it’s like, “I can’t believe they built all of this out.” There’s so much.

Eric: Yeah, the clock tower, which, the clock tower was added to the movies for no reason other than to be an aesthetic thing, but this game had to figure out, “Okay, how would that work? How does that actually…? Structurally, how does the clock tower do it?” And they had to build it, because you have to be able to walk around and climb it.

Micah: And the boathouse. They kept that.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: Oh, the underground lake is a thing! The harbor, I mean, the underground harbor where the first years dock. You can get there. And not to mention your common rooms. I’m surprised we actually didn’t talk about the common rooms before, but as a thing that makes me very happy, the Hufflepuff common room, and it’s basically the doors are all Hobbit doors; they’re all circular, and they actually look quite similar. The only thing I’ll say about as far as criticism regarding this, you can’t sit down on the couch and just exist in your common room.

Andrew: Yeah, it does seem… yeah, you can’t seem to sit anywhere, actually. [laughs]

Eric: There’s just no opportunity. For a game that sent out in advance ASMR videos of just “Experience the wizarding world in winter…”

Andrew: Right.

Eric: … you should be able to just take a seat. Lots of games have this where you just take a seat, and then things happen around you or behind you, and it’s this whole thing. That doesn’t exist in this game. And in fact, maybe it’s because everyone is a different House when you play; you could choose your own. But absolutely nothing happens in your common room.

Micah: No. Well…

Eric: There’s just nothing to do. You meet a few students at first, but you never go back there. You don’t even end the day there. The only thing that’s there is your owl, who can read you the letters, but you can do that from the pause menu.

Micah: The other cool thing I like that you can do – you made me think of this – when you’re walking around, you can chug a butterbeer or you can eat an apple, and actually, it made me think about… I was in a certain place – I won’t say where I was – and my character picked up the butterbeer and drank it, and I’m like, “Dude, this has probably been sitting here for a couple hundred years…”

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Yep, I know what you’re talking about.

Eric: I had the same thought!

Micah: I’m surprised he didn’t keel over and I had to start from the beginning or something.

Kevin: Skyrim: “You died.”

Laura: [laughs] I will say, I’ve seen… so I’m a Ravenclaw. I’ve seen the Slytherin common room because my boyfriend is a Slytherin and so I’ve been watching him play. Slytherin common room? Way cooler. Coolest common room, I think, in the game.

Andrew: Yeah, it is.

Eric: I’m a little jealous. I mean, Hufflepuff’s is very good; I don’t think I would like Gryffindor or Ravenclaw’s as much. But I was flying around the other day outside the castle and I came upon, first of all, the exterior of where the Hufflepuff common room is, which is awesome – it’s just some garden above it – but then I flew up a waterfall and I found what must be the Slytherin common room, the long windows that go underwater, but I can’t see them from the other side because I can’t get into the common room.

Andrew: Ohh.

Eric: There should have been… I was so excited, too, to have found the exit, the outside part of the Slytherin common room, but there really should have been a mission or some way of gaining access to the other common rooms.

Andrew: Yeah, the fans want that for sure.

Eric: Well, and you’re friends with people from each House. There are relationship goals and missions that allow you to become good enough friends with a Gryffindor, a Hufflepuff, a Ravenclaw, a Slytherin, that you should be invited up, even just to hang out during the day so that you can see all the… why not make the most out of this game and limit you? But maybe that’s the authentic Hogwarts experience.

Micah: Eric, here’s the Ravenclaw common room right behind me.

[Kevin laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, now you’ve seen it.

Eric: Oh!

Andrew: Just go on YouTube. There we go.

[Micah laughs]

Laura: Are y’all on Hogwarts Legacy TikTok?

Andrew: No.

Laura: Because that is a headcanon of Hogwarts Legacy TikTok, is that Slytherin throws all the bangers and Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw are invited, but Gryffindor is not invited to any of those parties.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: So that is the 2023 headcanon of relationships between the Houses.

Micah: We’ve spent plenty of time in the Gryffindor common room. We don’t need to spend more time with them.

Laura: Yeah. We’re over it. [laughs]

Andrew: Final thoughts, I think we’re all blown away by the game. The one thing I do want to address still is people who normally don’t play video games, should you get a whole video game system for this? That’s a complicated question. I think you should wait for maybe one of the cheaper systems, like PlayStation 4 or Xbox S and… or sorry, Xbox 360. I can’t keep track. Xbox One! That’s what I’m thinking of. Or Nintendo Switch. It’s going to look the best on PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series S and X and PC, but I don’t think you want to buy a whole system for this. But I do understand why people want to maybe buy a system just for this game, because you do get to explore Hogwarts, which is what people have wanted. So I’m a little torn on this, but I’d say wait. I think that’s my short answer. Wait for a cheaper console.

Eric: We heard from our Slug Club members that are waiting for it on Switch. If you have a Switch, that’s fine. That’ll be out in July. You can survive the wait; it’s worth it.

Andrew: Or just watch on YouTube. [laughs]

Eric: But I will say, and this is a moment where I want to call attention to: I got the game a week after it came out and I bought it used, and that was because the game, people play them and then they sell them right back to the store for store credit, and this was so reliable that I only had to wait five or six days and I got a used copy of the game. I would tell everyone, wait the extra six days, because that way no money directly funnels any negative causes. Unless Gamestop is toxic. I don’t know. I haven’t looked too deeply into it.

Laura: They are.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Oh God.

Laura: Sorry. Sorry to break the news.

Eric: What have I done? Cast Crucio. What have I done? Anyway, but if you can, try and procure the game used, is my highest recommendation.

Laura: I think we also learned in our Slug Club meeting that if you’re not really a gamer, you haven’t had a ton of experience with games like this, it can be a little bit intimidating because of all the controls and options. There is a story mode where you can mainly focus on the story of the game and not so much on the mechanics, so it is very accessible, depending on your level of comfort with gaming.

Andrew: All right, well, those are our thoughts on Hogwarts Legacy for now. If you have any feedback about anything we’ve shared today, if you want to share your thoughts on Hogwarts Legacy, you can email MuggleCast@gmail.com or you can use the contact form on MuggleCast.com. You can also send a voice message; just record it using the Voice Memo app on your phone and then email us that file, or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. And next week’s episode will be a Muggle Mail episode, so we’ll get to some of that Hogwarts Legacy feedback as we start our next 600 episodes of MuggleCast. [laughs] We’ll also wrap up our reread of Chamber of Secrets a little bit, in part by deciding which Seven-Word Summary we are going to redo from Chamber of Secrets. So no Quizzitch this week; we’ll get back to it next week. Kevin, it’s been so great having you on today. Thanks so much for coming back.

Kevin: It’s been fun, yeah. It’s a throwback for sure.

Andrew: Yeah, so good to hang out with you again. [emotionally] After all this time, we can still connect, which is really nice.

Kevin: I hate you all, as you know.

[Everyone laughs]

Kevin: Let’s insert some drama.

Eric: We’re paying him some substantial amount to come on and not badmouth us.

Laura: Kevin won’t be back for another 600 episodes.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: We’ll have to tell him the show’s ending again. [laughs]

Eric: This episode was quite an ad for Skyrim in the end.

Kevin: Right. [laughs]

Andrew: This is a Skyrim podcast.

Eric: I’ve got to play… is there more than one?

Kevin: No, I mean, Skyrim has multiple DLCs at this point. It is an endless game, so I would recommend not going into Skyrim, because you will waste your life in it.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Oh, okay.

Andrew: Couple of reminders before we wrap up the show. There’s much more MuggleCast waiting for everybody on our Patreon, which is Patreon.com/MuggleCast. We’re about to record and release a new bonus MuggleCast installment; a little delayed, but that’s okay. It’s going to be a Valentine’s Day… let’s call it a romance-themed bonus MuggleCast. We’re going to share some new dirty Harry Potter pickup lines and we’re going to be reading a sample of a fanfiction that Micah selected for us to narrate.

Micah: I also selected the pickup lines.

Andrew: And the pickup lines, so you all know what to expect from Micah. And we’ll also touch on what is one couple we would have loved to have seen as canon in the Potter series. So we’re doing two bonus MuggleCast installments per month now; again, that’s Patreon.com/MuggleCast. That’s where you can support us. We would not be at 600 episodes without the support of our patrons and those who subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, and those who come through with supporting our advertisers. And thanks also to everybody who tells a friend about the show, and of course, everybody who listens to the show! No matter how you support us, we really appreciate it. And that does it for this week’s episode of MuggleCast. Happy 600. Thanks, everybody, for listening. [imitating Dumbledore] After all this time.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Kevin: And I’m Kevin.

Andrew: Bye, everybody.

Laura: Bye, y’all.

Micah: Bye.

Transcript #577

 

MuggleCast 577 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #577, Back to Hogwarts! We’re Teaching Our Own Magical Lessons!


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: We’re back at Hogwarts, baby, and we are sharing our own Hogwarts lessons!

Micah: Choo-choo.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: It’s a really fun episode we have for everybody this week, and to help us with today’s discussion is one of our Slug Club patrons, Robbie. Hey, Robbie. Welcome to MuggleCast.

Robbie: Thank you for having me.

Andrew: You are so welcome. You actually have a cool background in the Harry Potter fandom; you’re a wand collector, and you share your collection on Instagram, right? Tell us about that.

Robbie: Yeah, on Instagram I’m @RobTonksWandCollector. I’ve been collecting the wands since 2004, so I have all of the Noble Collection ones, and since Instagram I’m collecting within the fandom.

Andrew: Very cool. And you’ll be getting your MuggleCast wand in the next month or two, I think…

Eric: Ohh.

Andrew: … so there’s one to add to your collection. [laughs]

Robbie: Absolutely. Super looking forward to it.

Eric: Robbie, what makes a great wand? What are the things that you enjoy in a wand?

Robbie: I like the differences with them. I like the character wands the most, so I’d like to… part of this discussion today, I like figuring out what the wands of the characters we know belong, who has what and what the wand wood is, what the core is, and why they have it.

Andrew: And so let’s also get your fandom ID.

Robbie: Oh, yeah. My favorite book is Half-Blood Prince. Favorite movie is Sorcerer’s Stone. I’m in Hufflepuff, Thunderbird, and my favorite subject that does exist is Charms.

Micah: It only feels natural to ask, what is your wand?

Andrew: Oh!

Robbie: My wand is silver lime, 10 and 3/4 inches, with phoenix feather core.

Andrew: Is that a Pottermore wand? Or did you just decide on this yourself?

Robbie: It’s the one that Pottermore gave me back in 2011, and I liked the description of it back then and I just stuck with it.

Andrew: Okay, nice. I don’t remember my wand, I’m sorry to say, from Pottermore.

Laura: Yeah, me neither.

Eric: You know what? We just have to go back to that MuggleCast episode, because I bet we say what it was.

Andrew: Oh, yes, thank goodness for podcasters. It’s all logged deep in our archives.

Eric: [laughs] It’s all logged.

Andrew: [laughs] So it’s good to have you here, Robbie, and thanks so much for your support on Patreon.


Main Discussion: Building Our Own Hogwarts Lessons


Andrew: And today’s discussion is a pretty unique one. Since a new term at Hogwarts did just kick off on September 1, we thought we would build our own Hogwarts lessons. And a special shout-out to one of our listeners, Silent Geek, who actually is a teacher himself, we discovered on Instagram this week. He suggested this lesson for us in our Discord for patrons many months ago, and what better time than now to have this discussion? So what we’re all going to do today is we’re all going to pretend to be professors at Hogwarts; we’ve all come up with our own lessons in advance. I think we’ll be primarily using canon, but we’ll also be stepping outside of canon, maybe using some headcanon, maybe just throwing in some other random information for fun and to flesh out our lessons. And we’re each coming to this today with a different subject, so you’re going to get lots of information today. Does anybody want to go first? I don’t think I want to go first.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: I think you’re first in the doc, Andrew.

Andrew: I know, but…

Eric: I think that that’s very arbitrary, and absolutely you should do it.

Andrew: [sighs] Okay, all right, fine. This is scary. I don’t…

Micah: It’s like when you get picked to do your presentation first in class, and you don’t want to go first.

Andrew: [laughs] Oh, no, that’s what’s happening right now.

Laura: But Andrew, that’s always the best because if you go first, then by the time everyone’s done, everyone’s forgotten about your presentation.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Yeah, nobody’s going to remember the lesson that you slaved over. [laughs]

Laura: That was always my tactic. I always volunteered to go first in school because I was like, “Nobody’s going to remember what I said by the time these are all done.” [laughs]

Eric: Everyone’s too busy freaking out about having to do their own.

Andrew: All right, all right. You know what? Yeah, you all are right, and I’ll get it out of the way and then I won’t be stressing about it anymore. So okay, you know what? I’m going first. So I was initially going to do a lesson on Divination, because I wanted to think like Trelawney and be Trelawney, but then I was like, “Ehh, that’s really hard.” I don’t know if I can really live up to the standard, not that Trelawney set, but what people would expect from a Divination lesson. So then I was thinking about our discussion a couple of weeks ago about Professor Binns and how he’s overstayed his welcome. He shouldn’t be there anymore. We need a hip, young professor teaching History of Magic, so I thought, “I’ll do that!”

Micah: Sexy, too.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Darn right, Micah. Thank you. [laughs] So I’m stepping into History of Magic this week, and I’m teaching y’all about the Hogwarts Express. Again, new year at Hogwarts…

Micah: Choo-choo.

Andrew: [laughs] … all of our students just came in on the Hogwarts Express.

[Micah’s “Choo-choo” sound effect plays]

Eric: It’s really hard to tell how much of that is really Micah and how much is the sound effect.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: What’s real and what’s the sound effect?

Eric: I think I just saw his lips move. Did you do it, and then the sound effect played, Micah?

Micah: Yes.

Andrew: So the existence of the Hogwarts Express was born out of the necessity to safely and quietly transport students to school, following the birth of the International Statute of Secrecy in 1692, which, by the way, was approximately 200 years before your former teacher Professor Binns died. Does anyone know how students like you all would get to Hogwarts prior to the Hogwarts Express?

Eric: Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Andrew: Oh, Mr. Scull, in the front?

Eric: Yes, um, they would walk?

Andrew: No. No, I’m sorry. No. Five points from Hufflepuff. [laughs]

Eric: I thought for a second you’d forget what House I was in and then dock the wrong House. I was like, “Okay. Hit me.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Right. “Five points from Gryffindor.” “Oh no, woe is me.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Yes, Miss Tee? I see your hand raised.

Laura: Yeah, maybe the Floo Network?

Andrew: Yes, and also Portkeys.

Eric and Laura: Ahh.

Andrew: That was primarily the way. Initially, Hogwarts used Portkeys to transport kids to school, but they were impractical and very uncomfortable of a solution. But nonetheless, these methods continued to be used for a couple hundred years because no other subtle and secure and safe and comfortable mass transportation method had presented itself.

Micah: Professor Sims?

Andrew: Yes.

Micah: Can you give five points to Ravenclaw, please?

Laura: Yeah, we were half right.

Andrew: Oh, yes, yes. Five points to Ravenclaw.

Laura: Thank you.

Andrew: You’re right. But I want to take away five points because you just interrupted me, Micah.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: But I won’t. I won’t.

Micah: You can do that.

Andrew: It’s the first day of term; I’ll let it go. I’ll let it go. But you’ve been warned. [laughs] So in the year 1804, a British Muggle engineer named Richard Trevithick invented the first train. Then the first commercially successful steam train came along in 1812. Meanwhile over in the wizarding world, just about a decade later, the wizards voted in Minister for Magic Ottaline Gambol, who decided to [pauses] gamble [laughs] on an idea.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: What if students were transported via one of these newfangled Muggle trains he had heard about? By the time Gambol had taken office, Muggles had already went through enough iterations of trains to have created a reliable and beautiful method of mass transportation, and Gambol, like many other wizards, was fascinated by Muggle inventions and took up the idea of this fancy new train concept to get students to Hogwarts. He believed the train could easily transport students and their luggage thanks to the size and the strength of the trains that he was seeing. There was just one problem: Wizards didn’t know how to create a train. These complex locomotives represented the best of the Muggle mind, and there was no sense in trying to rip off the idea when the Muggles had already perfected it over two decades. So how did they get a train? Well, they were above ripping off the idea of a train, but they weren’t above stealing a train. Records at the Ministry of Magic indicate that wizards decided to steal a train in the dark of the night, but the cover of darkness was not sufficient enough to pull off a successful heist. In fact, 167 Muggles witnessed the steal, and their memories had to be wiped!

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: And to get the train to the wizarding world, highly skilled wizards put on the largest ever Concealment Charm. So the train was transported to Hogsmeade, where work began on several magical modifications, including the ability to continue keeping it concealed from Muggles and having it break through the wizard/Muggle barrier in order to make it from Muggle land to Hogwarts. Pure-bloods, by the way, were of course initially upset at the decision to use a Muggle creation, but eventually came around to the idea when they saw it was a safe and secure transportation system. And despite that early pushback, the results of the transportation were highly promising, and the Ministry decreed that this would be the only way students could come to Hogwarts. Though students who rode on the train didn’t know it unless they stepped out of line, Gambol had one more trick up her sleeve: She decided to add onboard security by means of the trolley lady. And while this train employee looked unassuming and seemingly only wanted to sell sweets to excited students, the fact was that the trolley lady was a top notch security guard who would enter goblin mode should any wizard or witch try to step off the train during its journey. So that’s a basic rundown of the history of the Hogwarts Express.

Laura: Thank you.

[Applause]

Andrew: Thank you. Thank you so much. Okay, pop quiz! In what year did a Muggle come up with the first version of a train, clearing the way for the eventual Hogwarts Express? Hmm?

[elongated pause]

Andrew: Oh, man.

Laura: We weren’t paying attention.

[Andrew laughs]

Robbie: Or not paying attention to the right part.

Eric: Was it 1802?

Andrew: That’s pretty darn close. Yeah, it was 1804.

Laura: Okay.

Andrew: I’ll give you that, though. Another five points to whatever House you’re in. I mean, Hufflepuff.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Wait, you mean five points back?

Andrew: [laughs] Right, you get your five points back.

Eric: Yeah!

Andrew: All right, so that’s my lesson. And homework, students, three and a half pages double spaced on the magical charms installed on the Hogwarts Express that help it stay concealed and cross between Muggle and wizard boundaries, please. Refer to Micah Tannenbaum’s Choo-Choo: An Express History of the Hogwarts Express for further reading and assistance.

Eric: [laughs] I love your homework assignment is so similar with how I poised my homework assignment. “X amount of pages, double spaced.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It’s very funny. In the books, don’t they talk about inches of parchment that you’ve got to…?

Andrew: That’s what I was… I was trying to think of what it was. I meant to look it up but I didn’t.

Eric: Yeah, it’s inches of parchment, but if you have really small handwriting, it’s awful.

Andrew: Oh, good call, good call. Who wants to go next? [laughs] I think it’s Eric. We’re evidently going in the planning doc order today.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Laura: Yep, we’re going in doc order.

Eric: Document order. Okay, okay. Well, as you mentioned, Andrew, this particular topic could have gone many ways, and I have chosen one particular way for it to go in, but the course is Muggle Studies, so the view of Muggles as depicted for study by wizards. And particularly, this character at Hogwarts that I will be portraying is the Muggle Studies teacher at Hogwarts. Any questions before we begin?

Andrew: No, but I’m scared. I can’t wait to see what direction this lesson takes.

Eric: Okay, it’s kind of… in the British style of education, it’s more of a lecture, so I don’t know that I’ll pepper in any questions during, but there will be a quiz after. Okay, here we go. Welcome, class. As you well know, wizards and witches are not alone on this planet; there is, of course, the Muggle. Depending on where you live in this great country of ours, you may have a neighbor or two who are without the gift of magic. Maybe your brother or sister, if your parents are Muggles, may also be a Muggle. There’s nothing wrong with this, of course. And while magic folk and non-magical peoples may have quite a bit to learn from the other in a shared symbiosis, today we will be highlighting the overall system of power that governs most Muggle societies. Without having the ability to do magic, we might say Muggles have had the lesser draw in a hand of cards. It’s true; everything from public transportation to things like healthcare might not be concerns or the issues of politics if the Muggles knew that magic existed and could wield it themselves. This is what makes the study of Muggles so fascinating, to examine how they get by without being able to flick their wand and see their way through the darkness in front of them. Well, the answer to this, as to how Muggles get by in the world, is due to something called fascism.

Andrew: Oh, God.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Oh my.

Eric: You see, Muggles, not having much power in and of themselves, like to band together in groups and terrorize each other in the names of other things. Sometimes it is religion, sometimes it’s based on skin color, and in every case, it happens when members of a group all submit to the same higher, more powerful Muggle, also known as a dictator. The benefit of banding together under one of these dictators is twofold. Firstly, because the Muggle is not altogether very powerful alone, and Muggles with harmful and unpopular opinions about society are the least powerful Muggles of them all. The only way for that person to feel strong without earning it on merit is to find other like-minded individuals who are equally rotten. Eventually, a member from within that community of ne’er-do-wells will gain a reputation for being the most heinous, the most rotten, somebody that shocks even the worst of the others by being so darned extra, that that person will gain power and mystique. An air around them will be created, an intake of breath whenever they enter a room, and an uninformed person may mistake this shock, this silence in somebody’s presence, the deference of the weaker-minded rotten folk, as reverence for somebody who’s actually earned it. Rather than develop popular social power policies that bring folks together and help the world at large, the Muggle, largely angry that they do not have magical means (even though many of them don’t know it is an option), find power in the profane. In finding a little group that they join and using it to separate themselves from other groups, based largely on superficial things, they go around pretending that they have power until others start thinking that they do also. The trick is in not mistaking the anger and hate that some Muggles have for their fellow man as either wisdom or charisma. Any power these individuals may gather is not deserved. For in giving in to their darkest natures, they remove themselves from humanity entirely. Surrendering power out of cowardice to those who would cause further harm to others is a Muggle trend that is, globally speaking, on the rise. Fortunately, there are Muggles who do understand the power of such things as compromise, of education, of liberation, of freedom, of democracy. The rule of the many by the few is not their way. They prefer the rule by one another, by the people, for the people, and insofar as such institutions are instilled with safeguards to prevent the abuse by those at the top of the chain, peace and prosperity can historically be had by the most people. No outcasts, no minorities, suffer when all are invited to the table. But it is the fascist who seeks to exclude all others, and only through complicity of a vast majority of others could they ever succeed in doing so. After all, their power comes through social contract with one another, and not from the tips of their wands. The end.

Andrew: So um, I was expecting a lesson on a rubber duck.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: That will be next week’s lesson, Mr. Sims.

Andrew: Ah, okay, a palate cleanser.

Eric: Yes, yes.

Laura: I have a question, Professor Scull. You’re talking about themes of fascism; I think we’ve clearly seen those present in the wizarding world too. Who do you think came up with fascism first? Wizards or Muggles?

Andrew: Chicken or the egg.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: An excellent question, Miss Tee. It was definitely the Muggles.

Andrew: Yeah, that checks out.

Laura: Sounds about right. [laughs]

Andrew: I don’t really like those Muggles.

Eric: So pop quiz for everyone: Is fascism good or bad?

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Let me get back to you on that. I’m not sure. [laughs]

Eric: That’s the wrong answer. Five points from Slytherin, Mr. Sims.

Andrew: Ah, damn it.

Laura: I’m going to say bad. I’m going to say bad.

Robbie: I think bad.

Eric: That’s correct.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: I’m going to say depends which House you ask.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: A very measured answer, Mr. Tannenbaum. I would say five points to Ravenclaw for Miss Tee’s answer, two and a half points to Ravenclaw for Micah’s good point, and the other two and a half points back to Slytherin, because of course a Slytherin would say he’ll get back to you on that.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: And your homework, everybody, boys and girls, three pages double spaced an essay with the topic of: Are Muggles lonely? Discuss.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Yes. Yes, they are. Eric, five points to Hufflepuff for your teacher voice that you’ve been putting on today as well. It’s delightful.

Eric: Thank you.

Andrew: Laura! It’s your turn!

Laura: Good morning, everyone. I’m Professor Tee. I’m here at Hogwarts launching a new course of study that has previously been woefully ignored at Hogwarts, and I think that it’s actually led to some pretty dangerous situations for the students here, so welcome to Introduction to Spell Enunciation.

Eric: Ohh.

Andrew: Good morning, Mrs. Tee.

Laura: [laughs] Right off the bat, can anyone think of a reason why it is very important to be able to enunciate, otherwise pronounce, your spells correctly? Yeah, Robbie.

Robbie: Because some spells sound similar but do vastly different things, like start fire or create water.

Laura: Yeah, 100%. Ten points to Hufflepuff; that’s great. I think that we can see examples of this even in Harry Potter’s time at Hogwarts; there are multiple times where students in his year had unfortunate accidents happen as a direct result of not being able to communicate their spells appropriately – that is, pronounce them, enunciate them – as we would expect. Yeah, Eric?

Eric: Professor, wasn’t it also from history, the Wizard Baruffio, who famously misspelled; he said an “s” instead of “f”?

Laura: Yes, that is a perfect example. I really, really appreciate you bringing that up. Ten points to Hufflepuff. Great job.

Andrew: Ugh, no.

Laura: I know; Hufflepuffs are leading the class today, y’all.

Eric: Hufflepuff is going to win the House Cup!

Andrew: I didn’t realize we were going to have this competition on the show.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Class is very divisive.

Laura: So what we’ll be focusing on today is the basis of Latin and how it works in the conjuring of spells in the wizarding world. But first, I would love to get a volunteer to read over the list of spells I have here in the doc.

Andrew: I will!

Laura: There’s no wrong answer here. Okay, Andrew.

Andrew: Okay. Wingardium Leviosa, Expelliarmus, Petrificus Totalus.

Laura: Perfect. Excellent.

Micah: Well done.

Andrew: Yesss.

Laura: Ten points to Slytherin. As you can tell, I’m an American professor, so I don’t refer to you as Mr. Last Name. We’re on a first name basis in this classroom.

Andrew: Oh, you’re a cool teacher, then.

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Laura: Additionally, I’m going to hand out points like candy anytime you do something well…

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: … because…

Micah: Americans like candy?

Laura: Americans do like candy, but if you look into educational pedagogy, it’s an excellent way to motivate students to remain engaged with their lesson if you are doing a really frequent call and response to try and get them engaged with the work, and rewarding them for being correct, or at the very least attempting to participate. So those were excellent pronunciations, Andrew. Really, really appreciate that.

Andrew: Thank you.

Laura: As we know, many spells in Harry Potter have their roots in Latin, so it is imperative for the successful casting of spells that we have an understanding of base Latin pronunciation. Now, that doesn’t mean that we need to learn Latin; it is a dead language, after all. But we need to have certain proficiencies in mind in order to successfully cast spells. So to give you a little bit of historical context here, there are actually two accepted ways to pronounce in Latin. Any guesses what they are?

Micah: Backwards and forwards?

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Subjective and conjunctive? No, no, no. I took Latin for two years in school and I do not know the answer to this question.

Laura: I was going to say; I was like, “I think Eric might be the only person who’s taken Latin on the panel.”

Eric: I actually have, yeah.

Laura: That’s a really great guess, Eric. But what we’re looking for is more of considering how Latin was pronounced back in the day, as the kids say, when it was commonly spoken, which is referred to as classical Latin. And then there’s how we use Latin today, which is almost exclusively in a religious setting, so that is known as church Latin.

Andrew and Eric: Oh.

Laura: Now, the Harry Potter spells as we know them, I would say are more heavily influenced by church Latin because of the time and place in which they were envisioned and created. Again, that is just a little nugget of historical knowledge that I think is really fun to know, but it is not something that you will be quizzed on, so don’t worry about it. For today’s lesson, though, we’re going to be talking about vowels, and I would love to start with short vowels, because Latin has short vowels and long vowels. In order to get us started today, we’re going to talk about the six vowels in Latin. Who wants to take a crack at guessing what they are? Do not worry about pronouncing them in Latin; you can start with English, if that’s a hint as to what the six vowels are, or what some of them may be.

Andrew: “A.”

Laura: Andrew, I need you to raise your hand.

Andrew: Oh.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: We actually have been raising our hands today, listeners.

Eric: This is audio.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Just so they know. We have been raising our hands, except for this bad Slytherin student.

Laura: Yes, Andrew?

Andrew: “A.”

Laura: Okay. That’s one. Micah?

Micah: “O.”

Laura: Okay. Robbie?

Robbie: “U.”

Laura: Yes. Eric?

Eric: “I?”

Laura: Mhm. Andrew?

Andrew: “E.”

Laura: Correct. There’s one bonus one. Micah?

Micah: “Y.”

Laura: Correct, yeah. “Y” is really interesting, and it’s not one that we’ll actually spend a lot of time on here today, because it’s not one that is overly prevalent in spells in the wizarding world. It comes from the original Greek vowel of “Y” that Latin speakers would have used back when classical Latin was spoken. We’ll say five points to everyone across the board.

Andrew: Woo-hoo!

Laura: And now that we have our vowels laid out, I want to see if anyone can guess what short vowel pronunciation might be based on your knowledge of how spells are pronounced in Harry Potter. So we can look at the original spells that Andrew laid out for us here a few minutes ago. Let’s look at Petrificus Totalus, specifically the “I” as we would call it in English. Can anybody mimic what that “I” sounds like in Petrificus Totalus?

Eric: “Ihh.”

Laura: Eric, do you think that’s a short vowel or a long vowel?

Eric: Oh, I always get this wrong. Is that a short vowel?

Laura: Correct, yeah. Ten points to Hufflepuff

Andrew: No!

Laura: Just handing out the points like candy here today.

Eric: But Miss Tee, in the other spells, it seems to have the other way of doing it. Expell-ee-armus, Wingard-ee-um Lev-ee-osa.

Laura: Yeah, so would you say that that is the short version or the long version of the “I”?

Eric: Oh, God. Oh, God. Long version?

Laura: That’s correct. Another five points to Hufflepuff; well done. So now it’s time for a pop quiz, and I think that Mr. Scull may have given everybody a bit of a hint about where to look here. I’m going to give you a spell, and I want you to tell me which vowel has its short pronunciation and its long pronunciation present in the spell? The spell is Wingardium Leviosa. Robbie?

Robbie: Is it the “A” for both the long and the short? You’d have the Wingardium would be the long “A,” and in Leviosa, you’d have the short “A.”

Laura: That’s one. There’s two in here. So Robbie, ten points to Hufflepuff. Can anyone pick up on what the other vowel is?

Andrew: The “I”?

Laura: Correct. Yeah, you have the “ihh,” and the… what’s the other one?

Eric: ee-osa.

Andrew: Ah, yeah. Is that right?

Laura: There you go. Very, very good.

Andrew: Thanks, Hufflepuff.

Laura: So I would love to wrap this up by revisiting some spell pronunciations and seeing if we can get another volunteer to read the original three spells that we looked at at the head of today’s lesson to see if we’re feeling a little more confident about how to pronounce them.

Andrew: Ooh, pick me, pick me.

Laura: Well, Andrew, you did the pronunciations in the beginning, so I’m going to hand it off to Robbie.

Robbie: Wingardium Leviosa, Expelliarmus, Petrificus Totalus.

Laura: Perfect. Excellent work. Five points to Hufflepuff. Now that we’ve revisited some spell pronunciations, we’re going to talk a little bit about homework. When it comes to this class, I think that you’re going to get the most out of these lessons by doing applied homework. That is, I’m not going to ask you to write multiple pages about spell pronunciation, because that’s not going to help you learn how to pronounce your spells better. So what I would like you to do is go home and record yourselves practicing the short and the long versions of Latin vowels. I’ll be providing a resource list just in case you need a reminder of what those sound like. But that’s it for today’s lesson, everyone. Thank you so much for your participation.

Micah: Professor Tee, can we try them on siblings?

Laura: [laughs] You can.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: But I would caution being very, very careful. I think we actually in last week’s episode talked about an example of someone who attempted to vanish her sibling and she ended up vanishing herself, so it can be harmful to your sibling, can be harmful to you.

Andrew: All right, so I’m learning to not befriend Micah this school year, because you might try some spells on me.

Laura: Micah, I’m beginning to wonder if we Sorted you too early.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Some Ravenclaws really have a hard edge.

Micah: I was a Hatstall between Ravenclaw and Slytherin.

Andrew: Oh, well, there we freaking go. That explains a lot.

Laura: That explains a whole lot.

Micah: But it is our choices, right?

Eric: Some say.

Micah: All right, well, now it is time to learn about international wizarding cultures, and this lesson is wizarding schools around the world. And just in terms of why I decided to pick this, I think it’s important to learn about other wizarding cultures and other wizarding institutions. We don’t really see much of this in the Harry Potter series. Our exposure to the larger international wizarding community really comes in Goblet of Fire through both the Quidditch World Cup and the Triwizard Tournament, and while Beauxbatons and Durmstrang spend time at Hogwarts, we don’t really get to learn all that much about their schools, or at least not as much as we would like to. So there’s definitely an opportunity at Hogwarts to expand beyond those two schools and learn about the larger wizarding community, their traditions, their politics, and, of course, their magic. Now, there are 11 long established and prestigious wizarding schools worldwide, all of which are registered with the International Confederation of Wizards. Much like Hogwarts, the precise location of each of the following schools is a closely-guarded secret. But for the purposes of this class, however, we’re only going to be focused on just a handful of institutions today. But before we get started, can anybody tell me the name of any of the other wizarding schools? Now, I know I mentioned Beauxabtons and Durmstrang. We’re going to take them off the list. Mr. Scull?

Eric: There was Mahoutokoro.

Micah: Very good. 20 points to Hufflepuff.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Miss Tee?

Laura: There’s Uagadou.

Micah: Very good. 20 points to Ravenclaw. Mr. Sims?

Andrew: Yes! Ilvermorny?

Micah: Very good. Five points to Slytherin.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Mr. Stillman?

Robbie: I was going to say Ilvermorny, but I can think of the one in Brazil but I don’t want to mispronounce it. I think it’s Castelobruxo?

Micah: Very good. 20 points to Hufflepuff. I’m surprised Mr. Sims didn’t comment on my only five points to Slytherin, but…

Andrew: I was wondering that, but I was like, “Wait…” I was second guessing. You’re such a troll.

Micah: Well, we don’t care as much about the Americans here. That’s what it is.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: So let’s learn a little bit about many of the schools that were mentioned, with the exception of Ilvermorny. We’ll leave that for another class. So Beauxbatons, the school is located somewhere in the Pyrenees. It caters to the French, Spanish, Portuguese, Dutch, Luxembourgian, and Belgian students. Its alumni include the well-known alchemist Nicolas Flamel, who is commemorated with a large fountain situated in the middle of the school’s park. This fountain is said to have healing and beautifying properties. Durmstrang. Now, Durmstrang is one of the most secretive of all schools in terms of its whereabouts, so nobody can be quite certain where it is. Visitors – who must comply with Memory Charms to erase their knowledge of how they got there – speak of vast sprawling grounds with many stunning views, not least of the great dark spectral ship that is moored on a mountain lake behind the school, from which the students dive in summertime. Now, I think we all know that Durmstrang has the darkest reputation of all the schools, having fallen twice under the leadership of Dark wizards, and produced at least one infamous pupil. Does anybody know who that infamous pupil is? Miss Tee?

Laura: Is it Gellert Grindelwald?

Micah: Yes, it is. Ten points to Ravenclaw.

Andrew: Oooh.

Micah: And surprisingly, he will be joining us live via Zoom next week to talk about his experience at Durmstrang.

Andrew: Ew.

Laura: Wait, are we getting the Johnny Depp version or the Mads Mikkelsen version?

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: No, this is the real Grindelwald.

Andrew: [laughs] “Real.”

Laura: Oh, okay. So Mads.

Micah: [laughs] It’s not Mads or Johnny. It’s Gellert.

Laura: Okay.

Micah: Now, Mr. Scull, you mentioned Mahoutokoro.

Eric: Yes.

Micah: This school is situated on the volcanic island of Iwo Jima in Japan. The school takes students from the early age of seven years old, although these children do not board at the school until the age of 11. These younger students are actually flown to and from the school daily by flocks of giant storm petrels, which are magical birds. Now, the main feature that sets this school apart from the other schools is that their robes are enchanted to change color as the wearer grows in skill. And fun fact, my mother-in-law actually went here. Horrible woman, but that’s a story for another time.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Micah: Miss Tee, you mentioned Uagadou, which is located in the Mountains of the Moon in Uganda. It produces many students who are highly qualified in subjects such as alchemy, astronomy, and self-transfiguration. Now, instead of receiving a letter by owl, students are told of their acceptance to the school by a message from the headmaster or headmistress, through what are known as dream messengers. It’s very cool.

Andrew: Wow.

Laura: I want to go there. That school seems way cooler than Hogwarts.

Andrew: You just started here at Hogwarts and already you’re getting ready to leave? Dang.

Laura: [laughs] But we’re all in remedial classes. We’re in our…

Eric: [laughs] I wasn’t going to mention the fact that we’ve already been through school and are now back somehow, inexplicably.

Laura: Hey, we’re late-blooming wizards, okay?

Eric: Right.

Laura: Going back to Hogwarts above the age of 17.

Micah: And finally, for today’s lesson, Castelobruxo. Located deeply within the rainforest, it is shaped like a castle in Brazil, and it takes students from all over South America. Now, the school grounds are protected by the Caipora, small creatures who are said to be tricky and mysterious. The school specializes in Herbology and Magizoology, and offers exchange programs for European students wanting to encounter other types of flora and fauna. Also, one other fun fact: It is the famed failed location for the site of Fantastic Beasts 3: The Secrets of Dumbledore.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Micah: All right, well, I hope you all enjoyed learning a little bit about some of the other wizarding institutions around the world. We’ll wrap up here with a quick pop quiz. Which school did my mother-in-law attend?

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Miss Tee?

Laura: Durmstrang.

Micah: I’m sorry, that is not correct.

Laura: What?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I thought she was horrible.

Micah: Mr. Scull.

Eric: Was it Mahoutokoro?

Micah: It was. Very good. 50 points to Hufflepuff.

Eric: Man, I hope Chloé can count this, I am telling you. Hufflepuff is on the rise.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Wait, is she actually keeping track?

Eric: She was, in the Discord.

Andrew: Oh my God. You go, Chloé.

Laura: Yep. Hufflepuff rising.

Micah: We will venture to each of these locations in our minds, of course, throughout the year, but we will also be joined by many a special guest, including Gellert Grindelwald next week, so make sure you come back.

Andrew: Oh, I can’t wait. I love guest speakers.

Micah: Homework, a roll of parchment on which school you would most like to visit, and why.

Eric: Aww.

Andrew: All right, Robbie, time to bring us home today with your lesson.

Robbie: Awesome. And going right after Micah, Ilvermorny is my least favorite school because with wands in particular, they don’t let you keep them in the summertime. They keep them at the school.

Andrew: [gasps] What?

Robbie: They don’t trust you.

Andrew: Ilvermorny is canceled.

Micah: [laughs] Magic filth.

[Andrew laughs]

Robbie: Well, so yeah, wandlore. And just to begin with a little security issue, we don’t start this class until year three as an elective, and there’s minimal use of wands except for close examination. So no spells, nothing like that, so you should keep safe that way. Additionally, this class is unique that to go on to NEWT level, you have to not just have an OWL in wandlore; you have to have OWLs in Herbology and Care Magical Creatures, because you’ll be learning to procure wand wood and use magical cores. Now, today we’re starting with just wand woods, and it’s interesting to start so soon at year three because only a minority of trees can produce wand-quality wood, just as a minority of humans can produce magic. It takes years of experience to tell which ones have the gift, although the job is made easier if Bowtruckles are found nesting amid leaves. Now, today there will be no pop quiz, but I will ask as I’m going to describe two different types of wands, and I’m going to ask if you guys can guess which of my fellow Hogwarts professors have wands made of these woods. The first one is cedar. “One who carries a cedar wand has strength of character and unusual loyalty. The cedar wand finds its perfect home where there’s shrewdness and perception. Those with cedar are incredibly difficult to fool, and I have never yet met the owner of a cedar wand whom I would care to cross, especially if harm is done to those of whom they are fond. The witch or wizard who is well-matched with cedar carries the potential to be a frightening adversary, which often comes as a shock to those who have thoughtlessly challenged them.” Which professor at Hogwarts is a cedar? Professor Flitwick, Professor Sprout, and Professor Slughorn.

Andrew: Can’t be Slughorn.

Eric: Is it Professor Flitwick?

Robbie: It is not.

Laura: Okay, it’s got to be Sprout.

Robbie: It is not. It actually is Slughorn.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: No, he’s not loyal! Boo.

Laura: Oh my God, look at us over here leading with assumptions.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Well, you said it’s a loyal professor, right? I just was like, “Slughorn, eh.”

Robbie: I mean, if you think about it, he is loyal. Battle of Hogwarts, and loyal to Dumbledore to an extent. There was a hint in there that I changed one of the words to shrewdness, because that’s well-described for Slytherin.

Andrew: Ooh.

Laura: Very true.

Robbie: Well, no points given for that one.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: Womp, womp.

Eric: But no points taken, so that’s…

Robbie: No points taken. I’m not that kind of Professor; I don’t like to penalize people. Now, the second wand wood today is English oak. “A wand for good times and bad, this is a friend as loyal as the wizard who deserves it. Wands in English oak demand partners of strength, courage, and fidelity. Less well-known is the propensity for owners of English oak to have powerful intuition, and often an affinity with the magic of the natural world, with the creatures and plants that are necessary to wizardkind for both magic and pleasure. The oak tree is also called the King of the Forest from winter solstice up to the summer solstice, and its wood should only be collected during that time.” Madam Pomfrey, Professor Sprout, Professor Hagrid.

Andrew: I’m going to say my boy Hagrid. Professor Hagrid.

Robbie: It is Professor Hagrid.

Andrew: Woo!

Robbie: Ten points to Slytherin.

Laura: Good job.

Andrew: My boy.

Robbie: Second question with English oak: There is a wizard within the wizarding world and Muggle folklore who also supposedly had a English oak wand. Any guesses? Mr. Scull?

Eric: Is it Merlin?

Robbie: It is. Ten points to Hufflepuff.

Andrew: Wow!

Robbie: As we wrap up today, the only homework I have for each of you is to write a one-page essay on your own wand wood and what resonates about it with you and what it shows you.

Andrew: Aw. Okay.

Eric: Can I actually email this to you afterwards? I’m interested.

[Everyone laughs]

Robbie: Oh, sure. That would be awesome. Honestly, when Pottermore came out and you could add friends and all that, I would copy and paste what my friends’ wand woods were and I’d just put it in a doc.

Andrew: Oh my gosh. That’s so sweet.

Laura: That’s very sweet.

Andrew: That was great, Robbie.

Robbie: Thank you.

Andrew: And there we go. That’s our first day at Hogwarts. Whew, that was exhausting. I got a lot of homework to do. Chloé, do you know who won? Which House won?

Micah: Hufflepuff definitely won.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, I think it was Hufflepuff too.

Micah: Not even close.

Laura: I think we know Hufflepuff was first. Gryffindor was last, because there are no Gryffindors on the panel.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: That’s all that matters, really.

Laura: Watch Dumbledore come busting in here like the Kool-Aid man and he’s like, “3,000 points to Gryffindor!”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Oh, at the very last minute?

Andrew: “Ohh, yeahhh,” like the Kool-Aid man. [laughs] Okay, the official tally is… yeah, Hufflepuff won, Ravenclaw second, Slytherin third, Gryffindor lost. Thank you, Chloé, for keeping track. All right, that was fun.

Laura: I loved that. [laughs]

Andrew: Thanks again, everybody. Job well done for putting together lessons.

Robbie: That was a great way to start Saturday morning.

Eric: Oh, man.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Way more fun than a typical Muggle Saturday morning. And next week, it begins. Chapter by Chapter returns to MuggleCast. We’ll be going through the first three chapters of Sorcerer’s Stone; grab your books, get reading, and we’ll be back Tuesday with a new episode. Kicking off Chapter by Chapter, we’ve got some new segments in store, and these new segments will also pop up, maybe not in this first installment, but in the weeks ahead, so stay tuned for that. If you have any feedback on today’s episode, or maybe about Chapters 1-3 of Sorcerer’s Stone, you can send an owl to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or use the contact form on MuggleCast.com. To send a voice message, record it using the Voice Memo app on your phone and then email us that file, or just call us on the old telephone. We’re at 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for one more pop quiz today with Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question: In year four, what does Ron smush in anger after Draco taunts him about having inside Ministry information regarding the Triwizard Tournament? The correct answer is his Cauldron Cake. And that was submitted correctly from various people, including Buff Daddy; Bubotuber Pus; Artemis Fido the Second; Florian BORT-escue; Hoofly-poof; Youngledore; Not Actually Isabel; and My name is no, My sign is no, My number is no, You need to let it go…

Andrew: Okay.

Eric: … which I don’t know what that’s all about. But congratulations to all those winners and more, and here is next week’s Quizzitch question: From what neighborhood does Harry first accidentally hail the Knight Bus? Submit your answer to us over on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or choose “Quizzitch” from the top menu.

Andrew: Robbie, it was so great having you on the show today. Thanks again.

Robbie: Yeah, thank you again for having me.

Andrew: Yeah, you’re very welcome. And where can we find you on social media again?

Robbie: I’m on Instagram at @RobTonksWandCollector.

Andrew: Excellent. We’ll check you out. And for all of you at home, make sure you’re following the show for free in your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode, and you can leave us a review if they allow you to. Also, don’t forget to follow us on social media; we are @MuggleCast on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok. And finally, a plug for our Patreon, where Robbie also supports us, and thanks for your support, Robbie. We do really appreciate that. Patreon.com/MuggleCast. You get bonus MuggleCast installments, access to our livestreams, our planning docs, early access to MuggleCast, ad-free MuggleCast, and the list goes on. So enjoy all those benefits, and the support really means a lot to us. So thank you, everybody. Okay, I think that does it for this week’s episode. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Robbie: I’m Robbie.

Andrew: Happy back to Hogwarts! Wait, where is it?

Micah: Choo-choo!

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, you just do it. Why am I playing it? [laughs]

Transcript #576

 

MuggleCast 576 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #576, How Are Spells Created? Discussing the Physics of Harry Potter


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: I’m Laura.

Andrew: And this week, as we gear up for Back to Hogwarts season, we’ll be discussing the physics of Harry Potter and seeing where we can fill in the gaps of how the wizarding world works.

Laura: And to facilitate that discussion, we are actually joined today by my boyfriend, Marc. Welcome to the show, Marc. I don’t think you’ve been on MuggleCast yet.

Marc: I have not, I have not. Hello, everyone.

Eric: Hey.

Andrew: Making his MuggleCast debut.

Laura: I know. Thank you for joining us.

Marc: Where’s my movie trailer at?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Movie trailer at?

Laura: He expected a movie trailer for his intro to the show. [laughs] Well, I thought we could start out like we do with all of our guests by just getting your fandom ID.

Marc: Let’s see, my House is Slytherin. My favorite book, I’d have to say, is Chamber of Secrets because ironically enough, that was the first one I read. My mom gave me that one.

Andrew: Did she know that was not the first one?

Marc: She had no idea at all.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: You must have been so confused.

Andrew: Here’s the start of this Harry Potter series, the Chamber of Secrets.

Marc: The whole time I was like, “Who are these people?”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: “This is terribly written. Nobody’s introduced properly.”

Marc: Yeah, there’s no character development whatsoever, there’s no intros, so I was very confused.

Andrew: That’s funny.

Marc: I really like Deathly Hallows – Part 1.

Andrew: Was that the first movie you saw? Your mom was like, “This is the first Harry Potter movie. Sorry I screwed up the books.”

[Everyone laughs]

Marc: That would be hilarious. “Here you go. Spoilers, I guess.” My Patronus is an eagle, which is kind of interesting. That I’m a Slytherin with an eagle Patronus is kind of weird. But who am I to argue?

Laura: And what would you say is your favorite magical object?

Marc: Just because of how many interesting conversations it brings up, probably the Time-Turner. Not because of the consistency of it, but just because there’s a lot of fun conversations that come from it. And I’m a sucker for time travel.

Laura: Awesome. Well, getting into things, you are a programmer and a game designer. Just to get a little bit of background, what types of games have you developed?

Marc: I’m a huge horror fan, huge fighting game fan. I just graduated recently, so there’s a bunch of games I developed in school projects, one of which was a medieval fighting game. I made a card game that was pretty fun that was on mobile. And yeah, I mean, my main thing is I just really like messing with the physics engine. It was so interesting to see how many things the physics engine actually handles when you’re designing a game, like something as simple as gravity that people take for granted all the time is a huge issue when you’re coding stuff. If you want your character to move a couple units to the right and gravity is not included, it’s going to just go haywire. I remember the first time I tried to write a jump script and I didn’t put gravity in, and my character jumped and just didn’t stop.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Just kept going?

Andrew: He was flying, basically.

Marc: Yeah, literally, he jumped in the air and then just was like, “All right, bye, my people need me,” and I’ve never… that was it.

[Everyone laughs]

Marc: I had to close the app and open it again.

Laura: Speaking of video games, we have some Hogwarts Legacy stuff to talk about here in a few minutes. But we’re obviously all excited for Hogwarts Legacy; you and I have spent a lot of time talking about it. What are your thoughts based on the trailer so far?

Marc: I think that it looks very interesting. I think it’s very ambitious, which excites and scares me, because it’s really hard to pull off a lot of those things well. I can only think of a handful of games that have an open world that big, with a main story, with a bunch of side missions, with a almost Pokemon animal collector aspect that you can store in your own custom space, kind of like Animal Crossing, but then you can actually battle with them… like, it is a lot. That is a lot going on there. So if they nail it, it’s going to be great. If they don’t… I mean, even if they fall short, even if the magical beast aspect isn’t great, everything else is great, then awesome. And also, one thing that I’m super excited for is that combat looks amazing. When I imagined combat when I was reading the book, that’s what I pictured, just a bunch of random stuff happening.

Andrew: Combat and spellwork, I think, is something that’s always been a little “Eh” in the Harry Potter video games so far, so if they nail the spellwork… especially because that’s one of the things we all really want, right? A fun duel, a duel that feels natural through a game controller. If they nail all that, it’s going to be really incredible.

Eric: I just want my character to go around shouting “Flipendo!”

Laura: Oh my gosh.

Marc: Honestly, that’d be a great Easter egg.

Laura: That is a deep cut. [laughs]

Andrew: Quick news item before we get to our main discussion today: There’s an update about Hogwarts Legacy. Preorders are now open. They opened up preorders this past week, and there was a creepy new trailer. We mentioned the Dark Arts a couple of minutes ago; the trailer was Dark Arts-themed. It looked pretty cool. The story details were still scant; we don’t really know much about what this storyline is. But I just wanted to run through the pricing. So we knew this already, the game is going to be $69.99. This is for the standard edition of the game. This is what new Triple A titles are typically priced at these days. There is a deluxe edition that’s going to be $79.99, and this is going to come with a couple of extra digital benefits like a Thestral mount, you’re going to get a Dark Arts cosmetics set, you’re going to get a Dark Arts battle arena, so it looks like you’ll just be able to fight for funsies. That’s pretty cool. You’re also going to get 72 hours early access to the game. This is probably what’s going to make me sign up for the deluxe edition, though I have to say, it feels like you’re paying extra to be a beta tester for them.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Because while they are testing the game plenty right now, they’re going to be fixing most bugs after it gets into the hands of many more people. So pay extra and then you can be a little test rat for them. Great! And then you’ll also get a hippogriff mount and Felix Felicis potion recipe, which I assume would help you in battle. And then there’s a Collector’s Edition – is everybody sitting down? – $300 for the Collector’s Edition; you get all of the above, plus a life-size, real floating ancient magic wand with a book base. And it floats, I guess, with using the magic of magnets, I assume. So that’s cool. And then you get a steel case and you get a kelpie robe in-game as well. I’m not buying the Collector’s Edition. [laughs] I have my MuggleCast wand; that’s enough for me. I don’t need a floating ancient magic wand.

Marc: Is the robe in-game?

Andrew: Yes.

Marc: Because if it was an actual robe you can wear, I could kind of see it.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, no real robe, sorry. You can go to the Wizarding World theme park and spend like, $500 on a robe if you would like one.


Main Discussion: The Physics of Harry Potter


Andrew: So let’s move into our main discussion now. Laura, do you want to kick things off?

Laura: Yeah, so I thought we could just quickly, Marc, talk about why do we have so many conversations about the intersection of physics and Harry Potter?

Marc: [laughs] There’s a lot of times when you’re explaining something to me in the Harry Potter universe, or we’re going over something or we just have a random thought, and just because of how my mind works, I try to be like, “Okay, how did that happen?” And there’s not typically a pretty clear explanation for it. And again, as I said, I’m not a physicist. I read a lot of comics, and a lot of comics have some kind of loose, like, “This is how the speed force works in Flash.” Even though it’s completely fantasy, there’s still some kind of thing you can extrapolate off of. Or like, “These are the Infinity Stones; this is what they do,” right? “And this is how they do what they do for the most part.” But a lot of that is open to interpretation in Harry Potter. And magic is huge because there is not magic, really – spoilers – so you can’t really use our rules to be like, “Oh, obviously, because of Newton’s so-and-so law, this spell works like this.” You can’t really do that. So looking for those explanations are where we have a lot of those conversations because it’s like, “Okay, this dragon can breathe fire. How can it breathe fire? Is there a mechanism in the back of its throat that two pieces of flint click together, and then they have a gas thing, and then it ignites like a flamethrower? Is there a room there? Or is it a spell they’re just inherently born with?” All that stuff, which is pretty fun to talk about.

Laura: Yeah. And of course, there’s no established law of physics in the Harry Potter world, and because it oftentimes is grounded in the Muggle world, we can only assume that it’s the law of physics that we know and understand or at least interact with every day just by existing. So part of the conversation that we’re going to have today is trying to use the laws of physics as we understand them to explain how some of these things might be working. But again, we’re obviously asking these questions for fun, but I think Marc and I would also argue that exploring Harry Potter through this lens further enriches the text because it just gives us a deeper sense of understanding and more opportunity for literary analysis.

Andrew: Yeah, absolutely. But just to set the table here, when we say physics, what exactly are we talking about, Laura? I think we should give an explanation for the 9-year-olds listening to the pod and those of us who haven’t been in a science class in a while.

Micah: For me. I need an explanation.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, or those of us who got probably a C or D in science.

Micah: I never took physics, so…

Andrew: Oh, neither did I. [laughs]

Laura: Hey, me neither.

Eric: But have you ever read the book in your video back screen, Micah, the Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking?

Micah: I have not.

Eric: It’s excellent, because he does a really good job of explaining really wonderful space concepts to a layperson. It’s good stuff.

Laura: Well, I’m going to do my best here to explain this. Marc, please keep me honest, because there are probably some 9-year-olds listening to this who have a better understanding of physics than I do, but I’m going to give it my best shot.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: So physics is the branch of science concerned with the nature and properties of matter and energy, and the subject matter of physics includes mechanics, heat, light and other radiation, sound, electricity, magnetism, and the structure of atoms. We obviously will not be getting into all of these aspects today, and we’re specifically going to be looking at things like mechanics, mass, and light to try and explain how, from a physics standpoint, these things could work in the wizarding world. Did I get that right, Marc? Is there anything you would add?

Marc: Oh, no. I mean, just if you’re doing it in a sentence explanation, it’d be just the study of the things that make up the universe. So all of these things are a component of the universe as it exists. So yeah, I mean, that’s pretty much spot on. So basically, if you were looking at a crate full of Legos, and that’s our universe, it would be examining each type of Lego, what are the rules for that Lego, how does that Lego function…

Andrew: You would make a Lego analogy here, and I respect it.

[Laura and Marc laugh]

Laura: Thank you for explaining that. See, Marc’s tool is that he actually understands this. My tool was going to Google.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: When I saw that question in the doc, I was like, “Google.com.”

Eric: Both very valid tools.

Marc: I wouldn’t have graduated without Google, so…

Laura: Fair.

Marc: One of my most valuable professors.

Andrew: [laughs] 9-year-olds, maybe don’t listen to that. Don’t repeat that one to your parents.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: All right, so we’ve got three topics to look at today. The first one we’re going to look at is the cost of doing magic, and the core question of this is where does the energy to do magic come from and how does it work? Marc, can you talk about some of the reasons why we have this question?

Marc: Yeah, so usually, they talk about it’s in their blood, right? Which, doing magic, and especially some of the spells they do that literally break the laws of physics, just completely shatter them. There would have to be some kind of guideline, some kind of rule to dictate that. Is there a recharge rate for stuff? Do wizards have magic stamina? Is there a mana system like in a game when you do things and you have a resource bar, like a MP bar or whatever, and it goes down the more you do things, and then after time, it slowly builds itself back up? We never really get a clear understanding of how that works. I mean, is the magic being pulled from their environment? Is it being pulled from them themselves? When they said that it’s in their blood, does it mean that it is literally something in their bloodstream? If you gave a wizard a blood transfusion, would they not have that magic anymore? Right? Is it a lineage thing?

Eric: Well, the only time I can think of Harry, for instance, being exhausted after doing spells is the harder spells like the Patronus Charm. That’s where you see him really depleted, like his energy has gone down. But that also, we’re told, is because he has to sort through his emotions, right? So he’s hearing his mother scream, and it’s very draining, but not strictly from his magical reservoir, if you will. It also seems to be because the spell involves a lot of concentration. Same with Legilimency, and same with the Accio summoning spell.

Andrew: I would also argue the Patronus spell is probably more emotionally exhausting, so when we see that exhaustion that you’re describing, Eric, it was just kind of emotional.

Eric: So does Harry then have a limitless supply of magic? Do all wizards have just the ability to keep going?

Micah: Yeah. He’s also doing it at a much younger age, too, so I wonder if he would expend less energy as he gets older, and how does age play into it too?

Laura: Yeah, that’s a great question.

Marc: That’s a good point. I mean, you could make the argument that it is purely emotional-based, right? Because as you mature, you get more understanding or control over your emotions and how you work. Usually, not always. But maybe that emotional maturity can be why some wizards can do more challenging spells. But if it’s literally just limitless, like everybody can just do whatever spell they want, the only thing stopping people is their imagination and their emotional capacity, I guess, which, that still is real vague, because at that point, why are some wizards naturally stronger than others, right? Does it mean that all wizards that are stronger than other wizards are just more emotionally adept?

Eric: Well, if you look at somebody like Snape… so the Patronus Charm says you need a happy memory; you need something very happy. But we see Snape conjure a Patronus in moments of great distress, almost, but he’s so calm and collected that he probably has a little nugget of a happy thought. Whatever it is, doesn’t matter what it is, he doesn’t even think of it. He doesn’t have to become happy in order to conjure a Patronus because he’s got that locked in. He can just tap into it like that no matter what. In the middle of battle, he could conjure a Patronus, whereas somebody like Harry in year three has to really concentrate on something happy, fight the negative thoughts that are coming into his head at all angles. So I just see that as an act of… it’s maturity. It’s exactly like you’re saying, though; self-control, and as you get older, your ability to do two things at once, in a way. Even though that’s been disproven; we can’t multitask. But I think that if anybody could, Snape could.

Laura: It is interesting, because we know the Patronus is advanced magic. We know this from the fact that adults are constantly surprised that Harry can do it at such a young age.

Eric: And a full one.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, remember when he’s doing his OWLs, one of the practitioners is like, “Hey, for some extra points, can you do your Patronus?”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Because they were just so impressed by it. On the other hand, too, in Order of the Phoenix when Dumbledore’s Army is learning how to cast Patronuses in the Room of Requirement, people are really struggling with it. Which makes sense, but then is the argument if you have to have a level of emotional maturity to even be able to broach the topic, does that then suggest that everyone in the Room of Requirement has the right level of emotional maturity to be able to do this? That’s what makes it so unknowable. It’s so ambiguous.

Marc: And that’s the kind of question that we would dig into, because it’s like, okay, if there is no physical or biological or whatever actual limiter, it would make sense why wizards and witches just use magic for mundane stuff, things they could have easily done without magic, because if you don’t have a reservoir and you don’t have an active balance that’s always going down, you don’t have to worry about it. You can basically just use it however you want. But if there is some kind of limit, like even with the Patronus, which was a great example… and linking it to emotions makes sense because the Patronus is the antithesis of a Dementor, right? So the fact that the Dementor’s whole thing is it sucks happiness from you, you beat it by giving it a bunch of pure, pure happiness, right? So that happiness is still coming out of you, regardless of whether the Dementor sucking it out of you or you’re just blasting it with it.

Eric: Oh, so it’s a math equation.

Marc: So maybe it’s like, if all things being equal, you doing a Patronus puts you in the same or a relative state to you getting that happiness forcibly taken out of you, because you still have to experience it, right?

Eric: That is nuts. And I love that… well, the Patronus is not a force of light. I mean, it is in a way, but remember, the way that it’s described by Lupin is that it’s a neutral. It’s a shield. It’s basically just a force that the Dementor can’t get anything from. So it’s conjured, you’re depleted of your happy memory when you send it out, although you get to keep the memory, but it does drain you in that way. But to the Dementor, it’s just a barrier. It’s just a buffer. It’s not necessarily like it’s sending happy vibes at the Dementor; it’s just the Dementor can’t penetrate it right there. There’s something lost in the creation of the Patronus in that the Patronus doesn’t then be some kind of force for happiness or good. It doesn’t feed the Dementor.

Marc: Yeah. And also, it wouldn’t be that much of a stretch to be like, Dementors just can’t understand something like that, right? Because if they’re beings of darkness that take happiness… I would even posit that they’re not really taking it because they want happiness; it’s just what they feed off of. But I don’t think a Dementor is capable of actually experiencing happiness, so it could just be like, “I don’t know what… this is freaking me out,” and then they just dip.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, well, if you want to get into really high level, the stuff that has been hinted… that’s what I like about the wizarding world, is it seems like the author largely doesn’t want to explain it, but occasionally, you’ll get a really weird excerpt and it’s just like, in the middle of nowhere, there’s an answer for something or a potential answer for something. It’s like when Hermione brings up Gamp’s Law; it’s like, “Oh, wait, if that exists in universe, then some wizard somewhere has really actually tried to understand the world around them and was leagues above everyone else that’s just doing magic for mundane tasks.” But the thing that I’m thinking of now, because we’re talking about Dementors, is the suggestion that they might have been created by a wizard.

Laura: Oh, that’s interesting.

Eric: His name is like, something “the Awful.” He founded Azkaban or something, and they think that he might have created the first Dementor. But if you think about the level of magic needed to do that, and the fact that the Dementors are probably breeding and capable of breeding to actually create something that is so anti-force for good, would require a huge knowledge of magic that we just don’t see anyone, really, short of Dumbledore Voldemort performing.

Laura: I think we’ve established that we know for a fact that there are certain aspects of magic that do sap the caster of energy, right? We know it’s true of the Patronus. We know that with Unforgivable Curses, you have to mean it, so that implies that there is some transferal of energy that allows those spells to function at their highest level. So my thought here is maybe most day-to-day spells don’t cost very much. Maybe that’s what this means. There’s only a special set of spells that actually deplete your energy, cost you something, and then require you to either rest or eat chocolate, for example – we see in Book 3 – to be able to regain your energy.

Andrew: Right, because it’s like, what are you doing? If you’re making a feather float, that’s not going to cost a lot of energy because it’s a very simple task. If you’re trying to push Dementors away from you, that’s emotionally, physically exhausting. It’s like if you’re at the gym and you’re picking up a 5-lb. weight or a 50-lb. weight; one of them is going to take more energy than the other. I do think that all spells should absolutely cost something; it doesn’t seem fair that wizards can just do whatever spells they want and there’s no depletion there. On the other hand, I do not want this in the video game, because most people agree that weapon breakdowns in Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild are very… frustrating.

Laura: Stressful?

Marc: Yes.

Andrew: The Master Sword too. That loses energy. Screw that. [laughs]

Marc: Yeah, that wasn’t great. But also, I mean, even if it’s not… I would be fine if there’s just a stamina bar, right? Because that incentivizes you to level up. If there’s a bar where it’s like, you can do ten little spells or three big spells before your energy needs to recharge, at least then it’s like, “Okay, you’re at Level 25 now; now you have 80 extra magic points,” or whatever. So that would help you scale throughout the game versus you start the game pretty much being able to spam a bunch of spells, because you’re right, 50 lbs. versus 5 lbs. is a huge difference. But if you’re lifting 50 lbs. once versus 5 lbs. 200 times…

Andrew: Ooh, yeah.

Marc: … that’s still going to be… there’s no way you could do that, right?

Andrew: Well, I can, but yeah.

Marc: Oh, of course, of course.

[Laura laughs]

Marc: But for mere mortals, you can’t do stuff like that. So that’s where we have this conversation a lot, because if literally the only thing stopping these kids… a whole school full of kids practicing magic, there should be spells going off everywhere, constantly, at all times. Because if you give a kid a new toy, you hear that all the time, right? You give a kid a toy that makes any kind of noise… or I mean, look at kids nowadays with tablets. They’re on that thing all the time. So if you told the kid, “Hey, by the way, you can do magic now; this is a safe place to do magic,” and it doesn’t cost anything, there’s no way that they can exhaust themselves unless they’re whipping out the big guns, yeah, there should be… if it’s just imagination – and who has a better imagination than kids? So these kids should be pumping out some of the most ridiculous spells anybody’s ever seen, because adults’ imaginations, nothing compared to a kid.

Laura: And I think on that note, it’s really interesting to think about how are spells created? Where do they come from? Are they discovered? It seems like that might be part of this. And I think a really good example to look at here is Lockhart; he is obviously not an example of a great wizard, but he is an adult who manages to mess up magic a lot, and he does inadvertent things like removing the bones in Harry’s arm instead of healing it. So if a full-grown adult is making these kinds of mistakes, you have to imagine there are a ton of hijinks going on offscreen at Hogwarts that we just don’t see.

Marc: Oh, yeah, absolutely. And honestly, this is one of my biggest questions, really, because can you imagine…? Especially with how many just casual wizard duels there are around the school… in fact, there’s a class where you have to do it, right? Can you imagine how terrifying it would be? Because they’ve already established that you can have inadvertent effects if you mess up a spell, and they’ve already proven that wizards can make new spells. Like, Snape created a spell, right? So imagine how many spells witches and wizards have that they just keep in their back pocket. Imagine Lockhart, right? Imagine if he did that and he removed the bones but it was somebody who didn’t tell anybody and no one saw it, and Lockhart is about to duel somebody, and it’s like, “Oh, Voldemort, did you make a giant water snake? That’s cool, I guess. Your bones are gone. The fight’s over. That’s it.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Marc: He’s a puddle of muscle and skin on the ground, trying to hiss very, very pitifully. That’s it. It’s a wrap. Can you imagine? And that’s just one example of getting one thing wrong; that’s pretty simple. Can you imagine? It’s like, “All right, you tried to use Lumos, and now instead of bringing light, you accidentally blinded your friend,” or something. So now you have a spell that just blinds people, and they never tell anybody, because why would you? Why would you show your hand? So that’s like walking into a duel and both parties have an outrageous amount of trap cards just set, ready to go.

[Andrew laughs]

Marc: It’s just like, “Oh, you did that? Oh, yeah? Well, here’s this spell you’ve never seen before. Here’s this spell you’ve never seen before.”

Andrew: It seems very unfair.

Eric: Yeah, that’s a really good point. Even an accessible… even just thinking about this, the spells that the students use pretty early on. And this might be a video game thing, but Lumos Solem, which is the solar light. You could blind somebody if they look… if you look directly in the sun, you get blinded. That’s like playing with a laser pointer right there. That’s insane. You could just blind everyone.

Andrew: Or in the movies, they went, “Lumos Maxima.”

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Andrew:Lumos wasn’t enough. We had to add Maxima to it to make it really bright.”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I guess the author and just wizarding society… maybe there’s some unspoken agreement – though of course Voldemort wouldn’t follow it – that you can’t have this collection of spells hiding in your back pocket to unfairly beat somebody else. You know what I mean? It’s almost like these are Unforgivable Curses in that they’re so unfair. Removing the bones, destroying somebody’s wand. I don’t know.

Marc: Honestly, like what Eric was saying earlier, I wouldn’t be surprised if Dementors were made this way by accident, like somebody was trying to do… what if somebody was trying to do a Patronus, and they were trying to think of a happy memory, but they just didn’t have any? So instead of a Patronus, that came out. And they’re just like, “Hmm, there’s this shadowy figure that saps the happiness out of people,” because it came from somebody who never experienced it. You know what I mean? Like, there you go.

Laura: That’s dark. [laughs]

Marc: Yeah, and then Dementors were just around. Who knows what kind of crazy stuff could happen with people accidentally altering spells? Again, I don’t know about you, but losing all my bones sounds terrible. I would take being flung across the room, whatever, right? All those spells that just forcibly push you and you’re like, “Oh, man, you really got me.” It’s like, “You got off so easy. You have no idea what could have happened to you.”

[Eric and Marc laugh]

Eric: As far as people making spells, I always got the sense that it was a push and pull between making or creating a spell and discovering a spell. You see Snape’s notes in his notebook; he’s trying to figure out what the incantation will be for the spell to turn out and do what it is that it does. So there’s really a discovery process; maybe all spells that are intentional magic all exist and wizards just don’t know them or haven’t written them all down. Like, everything that it is possible to do with magic… there’s a finite number of things, but it’s also infinite, but what wizards know is like, 1%.

Laura and Marc: Yeah.

Marc: It’d be just like physics, right? Physics exists already. Scientists don’t really make physics; they just are like, “Oh, it looks like when we look at these things this way, or observe these particles and this specific thing…”

Eric: Right. Well, and the rules change. We have rules that really just exist until they’re contradicted, and then we have to come up with a whole new governing system of physics to understand or explain, like, how light works.

Marc: Which is a doozy.

Eric: It’s a real doozy.

Marc: Gravity is still a theory, technically, right? Like, we know it exists, and we know how it works, but we don’t know a lot about it still.

Micah: Right. Well, I guess my question would be with the example of Snape, then: What source is he connecting with as he’s doing those incantations to create Sectumsempra? Is there a connection, then, between language and some other higher entity that exists? Some source energy?

Eric: Yeah, here’s how I think of it. So a wand, right, channels the existing magic into a fine point and really allows you to do spells, because it’s pulling from say, for instance, an energy field, whether it’s out in the universe like the Force, or whether it’s within you because you’re a magical being. Your wand hones and shapes that magic to allow you to do spells. Words are the same way; the incantation part of magic is your body’s way of channeling meaning into your spell. So because the words mean something to you – or at one point in history, when people spoke Latin every day, the words meant something to them – the finding of a spell, or the shouting of an incantation, is another way of channeling meaning into magic and creating something to happen. That’s kind of the way I see it, is the incantation part of a spell is just as important as the wand because it hones, it specifies, the way in which your magical force is going to be coming out of you.

Laura: So do you think it’s just trial and error, kind of like the way we do scientific discoveries all the time?

Marc: Oh, absolutely. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they taught the scientific method at Hogwarts, because it’s the same… I mean, you make a hypothesis, right? You try to do the thing you’re trying to do, you observe the results, you adjust your hypothesis, and you try again, right? And think about how many discoveries in physics, in science, in our world are discovered intentionally and then are discovered by accident, so I assume the same thing happens with magic. There are probably plenty of spells that were accidental and they’re derivatives of spells that already exist of somebody being like, “Yeah, I tried to do Accio, but I accidentally made it push away from me instead,” right? And now there’s a spell that just forcibly pushes things away from you.

Eric: Yeah, Depulso, I think it is.

Marc: Yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if those both were discovered… one was discovered, and then one was discovered afterwards as like, “Oops, I messed up, but hey, that’s kind of cool,” and then they just refined it to make it do what they wanted, versus somebody being like, “I specifically want a spell to turn this water into chocolate pudding. That’s what I really want.”

Laura: Man, that sounds great.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Marc: Right? And they just keep on trying to do it over and over and over, just trial and error until they get it right. So I assume both happens.

Eric: Can you imagine being Snape and developing Sectumsempra and being happy with the result? Like, “That’s what I want it to do.”

Andrew: [imitating Snape] “Ooh, look at this, eheheh.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Marc: He’s like, “Man, I’m good.”

Andrew: [laughs] “Still got it.”

Laura: None of us has wands that we can experiment with in this way…

Andrew: Sorry, I was just practicing my Snape.

Eric: It’s very good.

Laura: Oh, okay.

Marc: “I did it… obviously.”

Andrew: “Obviously I did it.”

[Laura and Marc laugh]

Andrew: I’m just holding my nose. That’s my Snape.

Laura: I think that’s pretty on on the nose, if you will.

[Andrew and Marc laugh]

Laura: Well, looking at our next topic, I think this one is going to be fun for us. We’re looking at food and Evanesco. So the question that we have here…

Eric: [laughs] Uh-oh, the two opposites here.

Laura: Yeah… is where does food come from? And where does beeeep go?

Andrew: Uh-huh.

Laura: Literal and metaphorical. [laughs] Because we know the history of how Evanesco was used in the wizarding world pre-modern plumbing, but also, you can use the same spell to disappear a lot of things. Marc, why do we ask this question?

Marc: Hoo, well, there is a lot of leeway you can give something when it comes to magic. But usually, one of the main things that stay pretty rock solid in most fiction – well, not most fiction, but most systems, as it is – is you can’t make something from nothing and you can’t return something to nothing, right? And from the conservation of mass and energy, you can’t just… it has to be transferred some way into the system, right? Like if you burn a piece of paper, that piece of paper is not gone, right? It turned into ash; the mass that it lost from turning into ash gets transformed into heat and light…

Laura: Carbon.

Marc: Yeah, all those reactions happen when it’s being transferred to a different state. But if you put a piece of paper in something and it just stopped existing, that couldn’t work, because that mass and energy would have to go somewhere. Same thing with making something; you couldn’t make something just appear without taking that mass or energy from something.

Andrew: So one reason we’re asking this is because of what we see in the Great Hall, I assume; the food just appears, and I think there’s some dialogue in the books about how the house-elves are making it downstairs. But then there’s also questions about maybe… looking at the Burrow, where does that food come from? Is that whipped up? Is Molly, or Arthur, going grocery shopping? Are they farming all the food? I think the simplest answer to all of this is that the food is still being farmed; we just don’t hear about it.

Laura: Yeah. And we do get some explanation about this in the book; I think Eric brought it up earlier. We hear a little bit about Gamp’s Law of Elemental Transfiguration when Hermione is explaining to Ron how food is made. She says,

“Your mother can’t produce food out of thin air, no one can. Food is the first of the five principal exceptions to Gamp’s Law of Elemental Transfiguration… It’s impossible to make good food out of nothing! You can Summon it if you know where it is, you can transform it, and you can increase the quantity if you’ve already got some.”

And this is where me and Marc have some questions, because if you can’t produce food out of thin air, that feels to be in conflict with the statement that you can increase the quantity of something. Because on its face, you can’t increase the quantity of something and maintain the same properties, right?

Marc: Yeah, exactly. If I ordered a pizza and I ate the whole pizza except for one slice, and then I used a spell to make seven slices of pizza reappear, unless that whole pizza pie now has the same nutritional value as one slice of pizza, that pizza literally came from nowhere. To you, you wouldn’t know that it got multiplied by one piece of pizza, right? You would just see a new pizza, and you’re like, “Where did this come from?”, right? So the statement that if you have something you can make more of it contradicts… when they were like, “You can’t make something out of nothing,” I was like, “Okay, I’m on board. That sounds good.” And then it’s like, “But if you have something, you can make more of it,” and it’s like, “But that is literally making something from nothing.” If you’re making a new thing appear and it has the same… if you eat it, and you get the same nutritional properties, then that’s the same… it’d be one thing if you ate it and it didn’t taste great and it didn’t really fill you up, because you’re basically eating an eighth of one slice of pizza.

Laura: I had a dark thought about this. I was thinking maybe this is, one, why Ron was so hungry the entire time they were on their camping trip, because maybe this is what they’re having to do to eat. They’re having to increase quantities of food. So it seems like they’re eating… let’s say it’s a loaf of bread. Let’s say Hermione takes one loaf of bread and transfigures it into three loaves of bread, but those three loaves are actually representative of the nutritional value of the one original.

Eric: The one loaf, yeah.

Laura: But then I was like, Ron is hungry through the entire series.

Marc: He’s a growing boy.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, I’m thinking of the economic struggles that the Weasleys face, and I’m wondering if there are times where, in order to stretch their money as far as they can, if Molly is having to increase quantities of food.

Andrew: Oh, wow.

Marc: That could definitely be a thing. That makes perfect sense. The only thing I will say, though, is there are instances of people doing the same, like McGonagall when she has the tray of sandwiches that just keeps on replenishing itself. It’s like, so are those sandwiches depreciating in nutritional value? Or are those sandwiches being pulled from somewhere? Are the elves in the basement making all these sandwiches nonstop and they’re just teleporting them to the plate as they’re being made? Right? That would make sense.

Andrew: That’s what I would assume.

Marc: That assumption is honestly my main assumption for food in general in the Harry Potter universe, because it makes way more sense to just say if the food maintains its nutritional value, it’s just coming from somewhere. If Harry is like, “I want a sandwich,” and just waves his wand and a sandwich appears, there is some poor soul in the world who was about to take a bite out of a sandwich, and it just popped out of their hands.

[Andrew laughs]

Marc: That would make more sense to me because either the food that you want teleports to you already prepared as you want it, and you saying, “I want a sandwich,” is essentially you putting out a Google search into the ether that is magic and saying, “These are my search criteria, this is what I want,” and it just finds you that somewhere in the world and brings it to you. Or the other, a less clean version of this, would be when you say, “I want a burger,” right? It would go and find wheat, take that wheat out of the field that it was in, it finds the meat somewhere in a butcher shop or something, and finds all the components of what makes the thing you want, and as it’s getting sent to you, it’s being prepared as you would like it, right? You could do that. But as long as it’s coming from somewhere, that’s the main thing, because if it’s just appearing out of nowhere, then it would be less nutritious the more you make. And just like Laura stated with the economic aspect that could be a consideration, too, maybe the families that are a little bit more sketch, like the Malfoys, maybe they just do take food from people, because why wouldn’t they? They’re like, “We don’t care. We’ll just take food from Muggles,” right? They’ll think that they’re being haunted or something, or those are why there’s so many conspiracy theories, because they’re like, “My sandwich just disappeared from my hand; it’s aliens!” I could totally see a whole thing like that playing out. But maybe people like Molly, who also aren’t well off financially, just have the moral stance, like, “I’m not going to take food from people, because it would be devastating if somebody took food from me and my family.”

Micah: This made me think, though: There is no grocery store in Diagon Alley.

Andrew: I’d like to think there’s a lovely farm, maybe somewhere near Diagon Alley or somewhere… I mean, I think we saw it, actually, in this Hogwarts Legacy ASMR video. There was some farming going on there.

Micah: Oh, yeah.

Andrew: So I think they have some nice farms where they get all their food from, and then the house-elves go and pick it up and then they’re making sandwiches all day in the kitchen and transferring those up. I would also think that they have a sense of how much food they need to make for the kids; just with the school being around for as long as it has been, they have some data on that. But HufflepuffTeach is actually bringing up a good point, too, in our Discord. He said, “The magical community could actually help with Muggle food waste from the restaurant industry with how much food is still good to eat but gets thrown out anyway.” Food waste is a huge issue in the Muggle world. So much food is wasted, not just at restaurants, but at home, right? Think of all the food we throw out when we’re full or whatever else. Imagine a scenario where wizards were quietly… [laughs] maybe pulling food out of the trash cans isn’t the best way to do it, but…

Eric: But cleansing it. You could magically cleanse it because the food still exists.

Marc: Or you could just break it down, right? If you broke it down to its core components…

Eric: Then at least that would explain… yeah, I like that a lot.

Marc: … then that’s where the nutrition is coming from. If they’re literally taking the food people don’t eat and discard and there’s a spell that… like bread, it breaks it down to all of its molecular components, and it’s just waiting in the ether there, waiting until a wizard uses a spell that needs bread or those components to make… or say someone really wants a burrito, right? And they want the wheat. Maybe that’s what it pulls from, because if that’s the case, then yeah, that would explain some of the nutritional discrepancies with that sandwich plate, because honestly, people would be pounding those sandwiches if it was only one sandwich multiplied 50 times.

Laura: Yeah. And I think Court in our Discord brings up a good point: They say, “They eat a lot at Hogwarts. I wonder if it’s a both/and situation where the elves are making a ton of food, but also multiplying some of it to justify the large quantities that are being sent up to the Great Hall all the time.”

Andrew: Yeah.

Laura: And yeah, we do know that there is some kind of grocery store. For example, in Order of the Phoenix we see Molly summoning ingredients out of the pantry, so they clearly got that from somewhere. We just don’t know where.

Marc: Yes. And also, moving to the disappearing, right? Because we pretty much… I mean, basically all this food stuff is essentially summoning, right, where you’re summoning the food either “out of nowhere,” or multiplying it, right, or culling it from another location. And imagine Evanesco, right? The fact that you can just wave your wand and something goes away and you’re just deleting it from the universe, again, is a huge no-no, because that energy has to go somewhere the same way that energy had to come from somewhere.

Laura: Right. As a reminder, Evanesco is the Vanishing Spell, and it is famously known for vanishing poo in medieval times before they had modern plumbing.

Andrew: Thank you, Pottermore.

[Marc laughs]

Laura: But it can be used to vanish animate and inanimate objects into nothing, which is to say, everything. And Marc, the issue here is, again, mass can neither be created nor destroyed. Stuff has to go somewhere when you vanish it. You can’t say that it becomes everything and nothing.

Eric: But wait, you can, though. That’s the Ravenclaw door knocker riddle, right? “Where do vanished objects go?” If it goes into everything, then I’m thinking it is some kind of transmutation. It’s becoming energy. You’ve taken matter and just turned it into light or something.

Andrew: That is a good outcome, but don’t you think Evanesco might just transfer it to a landfill?

Marc: And that’s the thing; if it’s teleportation, that means there’s a poop mountain somewhere.

[Everyone laughs]

Marc: Just full of poop. [laughs]

Andrew: Well, like with a real landfill, they’ll cover it up with dirt so you can’t smell it.

Eric: Yeah, and why would a younger person be able to do the same spell as an adult person and have…? Like, does it go to the same…?

Andrew: It gets automatically sorted.

[Andrew and Marc laugh]

Andrew: A single stream system.

Eric: But what system is doing the sorting? What sentient catalog of wheat products and…?

Micah: The Poo Master.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: You know they’re making the house-elves do this too.

Eric: Oh, yeah. Something that I wanted to say at this point is if you think about Disapparition and Apparition, that is very much a teleport kind of effect, but it’s associated – in the books, anyway – with a crack. There is a sound, and that is, I think, the breaking of the sound barrier, like a cracking of a whip. Right? And there’s also this vacuum; there would be a gust of air where a person was standing and is no longer standing. The air would have to rush to fill that gap, that person-sized gap, and so is that why people who are disappearing, it comes with a crack? Is that J.K. Rowling’s way of saying like, “Okay, something physic-wise is being affected here”?

Marc: Yeah. I mean, honestly, there’s a lot that Apparition could be. I mean, if it’s teleportation, and you’re ripping the fabric of spacetime and connecting two points, it may not even be them moving to a new place; it may be you making their two destinations the same for a split second, right? Kind of like wormhole travel. I mean, honestly, physics, when you get into the real crazy stuff like metaphysics, theoretical astrophysics, all that stuff, is basically magic. If you read some of the stuff of what happens to a particle when it approaches light speed, it’s crazy. It’s both big… if you took a particle and shot it through a barn door, right, and it’s going through a barn, it could be bigger than the barn. But at a point, you could fit both ends of that particle in the barn because it’s moving at light speed. The space of it starts getting wonky, right? Gravity, if gravity is dense enough, it messes with light. There’s a bunch of weird things that happen. So if a wizard is moving at light speed to a position, there’d be a lot of weird things happening that we would have no idea about. So yeah, it could just be the universe folding in on itself, making both points the same, or them just moving so fast that it looks like they’re teleporting, because at light speed, time is stopped. Time does not move at light speed, so they could technically freeze time and just appear in the new place.

Eric: Now I think I understand how those wizards can get in the wall in Fantastic Beasts 3.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: Oh, we could have a whole other episode, because Marc was so frustrated by that. Something that I thought was interesting when we were looking into Evanesco is the realization that apparently living things can be vanished as well?

Eric: Murder.

Laura: And Marc, you were doing some reading and brought up the fact that Hermione literally vanishes a kitten in Order of the Phoenix. And before that, when you’re reading about the kids vanishing snails and invertebrates, there’s not as much of an emotional connection. But when they get to the point where they’re vanishing mammals, that starts to raise questions like “Wait, where are they going?” If Professor McGonagall… we know that she says that they are vanished into non-being, and that is… I mean, the literal definition of non-being is the state of not being and non-existence, so that implies that this kitten is dead, but also doesn’t exist. And Marc actually found that in… which mobile game was it, from Portkey Games, Marc, where…?

Marc: Oh, man, it was…

Andrew: Hogwarts Mystery?

Laura: It might have been Hogwarts Mystery.

Marc: Winifred Warrington.

Laura: Yeah, she was accidentally vanished, and disappeared for a couple of years. And this is from official Warner Bros. Wizarding World games.

Marc: It was Magic Awakened.

Andrew: I hate all this extra “canon” that they’re adding through the video games, but..

Laura: I know.

Marc: But I mean, even in the canon proper, that can… it’s gone. There’s a lot to unpack there. Because if you have a spell that you can just make somebody not exist anymore, and if that’s actually what it’s doing… because the statement of non-being, I did some research in that, too, and I think in Taoism and Daoism non-being is referred to as like a empty cup, right? An empty cup is a thing. It is a physical thing. But the valuable part of an empty cup is the fact that it’s empty, right? Its emptiness is the thing that has meaning, which I get that, but in this sense, it doesn’t really apply because it’s not like they’re shifting to a different state. But they’re just not existing anymore. But the thing that I find interesting is, what if it’s not they’re shifting to another state or they’re not existing anymore, but if they are literally getting put in a pocket dimension? Like they’re just being put in another dimension for a while? And even some things that are summoned, maybe the things that are summoned are things that are just existing in a pocket dimension, because we’d already established that different dimensions and planes of existence exist in Harry Potter world, right?

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Well, this also gets back to what we were saying earlier; some things are just unfair. The fact that you can vanish somebody is just unfair. Just a few weeks ago we were talking about Graham Montague and how the Weasley twins made him vanish and basically tortured him, and he was hospitalized after this, because they put him away into a limbo state through the Vanishing Cabinet. It’s really messed up.

Marc: And that speaks to the moral implications of things, right? If there are Unforgivable Curses, and it’s a curse that literally deletes somebody’s soul, why go through that effort when you could just vanish them? Isn’t it the same…? I mean, probably not the same end product exactly, but it gets the job done, right? And especially since people can be vanished, what does that mean?

Eric: Yeah, and if a sentient person who can do magic is vanished, can they un-vanish themselves? Can they get themselves out of it?

Andrew: It reminds me of how in cars, trunks normally have an escape latch within the trunk, so you can’t trap somebody inside. They can get out themselves.

Marc: I’m not going to lie; when you said cars, I thought you were talking about the Pixar movie. I was like, “Where’s this going to go?” [laughs]

Eric: Well, because that’s a whole physics conversation.

Andrew: I kidnapped Micah once and threw him in the back of my trunk and he got out really quick; I was really disappointed.

Marc: Fair enough.

Laura: [laughs] Sounds about right.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Marc: Out of all these, it seems like the other dimension explanation is the cleanest one. Because again, we already know pictures exist in a different plane. Different pictures can interact with each other. There is a sense of distance – even though it’s different than our world – between pictures; they have to travel to other places to interact with other occupants of a painting, right? If that exists in the the all-star scene when Lally put that poor dude in the wall… he was essentially wall art, and he couldn’t get out. He was just trapped in some different wall dimension. So if wizards and witches can just casually put people in a different dimension, and that dude was stuck there until another wizard on the outside waved his wand and he came out, right? So if you can just trap somebody in a limbo state like that and they’re stuck in another dimension, why does Azkaban exist?

[Eric laughs]

Marc: Why aren’t you just putting people in this dimension? You should just have a bad dudes book, and you just put people in that, and there’s just a hard-binded book that is all the worst of the worst just sitting in there, and they’re pictures you can just flip through on each page. That would make more sense.

Eric: Isn’t that the plot of Superman III?

Marc: Oh, man.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Yes, it is.

Laura: Don’t even get him started. I do have a question, because as we’ve established, there is clearly at least one other dimension, the picture dimension, right? So if we’re thinking about where are things disappearing to, we know wizards don’t have the best history of being kind to other people’s environments. Think about the lake, for example, on the Hogwarts grounds. We know that that’s where the plumbing empties out, for example. They know that there are mermaids and the giant squid living there, but they’re like, “Oh, we’ll just flush the poo down there.” I wonder if with Evanesco, if it’s possible that some of these things are being transported to the picture realm, to that dimension, and that’s why maybe some of these portraits are so grumpy, because they’re like, “Stop sending your bleep here.” You know what I mean?

[Andrew and Marc laugh]

Marc: Yeah, that’s true. And honestly, imagine if it doesn’t stop there, right? Because if there’s a picture dimension, who knows how many other dimensions there are, right? What if there’s a trash dimension? What if there’s just a poor dimension where there’s just a portal open in the sky that random stuff is just falling through?

Laura: [laughs] Oh, God.

Marc: And people are like, “What is that?” It’s just been like that for centuries, and they’re like, “Oh, that’s…”

Micah: Kittens falling from the sky.

Laura: Aww.

Marc: Right, it’s like, “Oh, that’s trash mountain.” [laughs]

Eric: Now I’m thinking of… doesn’t that happen in Loki, where there’s this huge dump of things that are being disappeared, or…?

Marc: Oh yeah, the Pruned…

Eric: Yeah, the Pruned objects. That’s kind of where I went to.

Marc: Or with Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. That’s it, just food falling from the sky. [laughs]

Eric: Definitely. Well, if you think about portraits real quick, anything you paint can be made to be a world or existence. So if you paint a ballroom and there’s a couple of people in it, you’re still creating something out of nothing by committing it to your art and then doing whatever you have to do to make it into a portrait world. Pretty much anything you can paint, you can turn into a room that people inhabit. It’s kind of nuts, and it is creating something out of nothing.

Marc: And also even with that, right? This is another thing where if you put somebody in the picture dimension, are they experiencing that dimension as if they’re natively part of that dimension? If I got put into a picture dimension, does everything look like it’s painted to me? Or does everything look normal? Right? How does that work? And even with that, it may be that they’re creating something out of nothing – which, we already established, that’s a big no-no – but if you were to try to figure out a way to make it work somehow… the parallel dimensions theory in theoretical physics, right? There’s technically a dimension – there’s infinite amount of them. So if it’s infinity, anything you draw technically already exists in a parallel dimension; you’re just making a bridge to that thing, right? So by that logic, you painting a picture wouldn’t be you… say, like, “Okay, I want to paint a picture of the movie Cars, where I can talk to cars with eyes in their headlights,” right? You drawing a picture of that wouldn’t be you creating that dimension, it would be you making a bridge to one out of infinite dimensions where that already exists. Because if it’s infinite, then everything technically already exists to some degree.

Laura: Yeah, it’s kind of like the creation of spells that we were talking about a few minutes, right? You’re not actually making something new, you’re just discovering something that was previously undiscovered.

Marc: Yeah, physics exists, right? Just because we’re finding it doesn’t mean that it didn’t already exist, like if you find a fossil.

Eric: I’m glad that all the portraits at Hogwarts are realist paintings and not abstract because I’d hate to think what would happen if abstract art existed in the wizarding world.

Laura: Oh my God. [laughs]

Marc: Oh, man.

[Andrew and Marc laugh]

Eric: You’d see these sentient paint blobs coming at you.

Laura: Like a Salvador Dalí painting, for example?

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: No! Like, brought to life? No, that’s horrifying.

Marc: What was the one with the scream? The yell? What’s it called? The person doing this. The Macauley Culkin.

Eric: Oh, “The Scream”?

Laura: [laughs] Oh, “The Scream.”

Marc: Can you imagine being put in that? That is nightmare fuel.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: Even just walking through it on my way to find my friend and hang out with her. The Fat Lady wandering through all the Expressionists.

Marc: Right, and who knows what the qualification is? What if somebody just did a stick drawing and you walk in and it’s just a stick world with terrifying stick people walking around? And you’re like, “Nope, nope, I am out of this.”

Eric: Like, what’s the consistency? I think at a certain point when building this world, the author thought, “Wouldn’t that be cool if…?”, and it’s not the author’s job – it’s not really even our job – to be like, “How does that work?” But it’s fun as a thought experiment.

Laura: Yeah, exactly. Well, I know that this has maybe raised a lot of questions for people, but hopefully, we were able to posit some potential answers for why some of these things work in the wizarding world. You can obviously take this discussion to the nth degree, and we definitely want to hear from y’all, so if you have feedback, please write in, and I think Andrew is going to tell you how you can do that.

Andrew: Yeah, so of course, MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use the contact form on MuggleCast.com. You can also send a voice message; just record it using the Voice Memo app on your phone, and then email us that file. Or you can call us, 1-920-3-MUGGLE, which is 1-920-368-4453. Thanks, Marc, for coming on and sharing all your physics wisdom with us.

Marc: Yeah, thanks, anytime, anytime.

Laura: I feel like we leveled up today.

Eric: I definitely feel like I learned something.

Micah: I could listen to Marc talk for hours, so we’re going to have to have him back.

Marc: Aww.

Laura: You know what’s funny, Micah, people say the same thing about you.

Marc: Yeah, I was about to say, same to you, buddy. Same to you.

[Laura laughs]

Marc: We’re going to branch off and start our own podcast.

Micah: Ooh, I like that.

Marc: Smooth Sounds from Marc and Micah.

Andrew: Micah and Marc, yeah.

Marc: Switch it up.

Andrew: The Marcah Show. [laughs]

Marc: There you go, there you go.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I would listen.

Micah: M & M.

Marc: Oh, perfect.

Andrew: And now we know what happens in Laura and Marc’s apartment on weekend nights. These are the conversations you can expect, so we’re all planning our sleepovers now.

[Marc laughs]

Laura: It’s real. You just got a real-life glimpse into our lives. [laughs]

Andrew: Coming up in bonus MuggleCast today, we’ll actually extend this discussion today, right, Laura? What can they expect over on our Patreon in bonus MuggleCast?

Laura: Yeah, so we’re going to be talking about some of our favorite magical objects and asking the question, “How could physics explain some of these magical items?” We’re going to be talking about the Invisibility Cloak, Time-Turners, and the Deluminator, and trying to answer the question, “How could physics possibly explain why the Deluminator seems to have some kind of pocket dimension?”

Andrew: Sounds good. So that’ll be at Patreon.com/MuggleCast this week. Sometimes we release extended discussions on there or behind-the-scenes chats on our Patreon; we like to open up more behind the scenes. Next week on the show, another super fun and interesting discussion: We are going to build our own Hogwarts lessons. This was at least partly inspired by one of our listeners; The Silent Geek suggested this. We’re just warming up for a new term at Hogwarts. And this is all before we return to Chapter by Chapter, which will be kicking off a week or two later. We’re planning lots of fun little mini segments for Chapter by Chapter 2; I was having a lot of fun coming up with names for these segments the other day, so, excited to finalize all that. Lots of fun stuff coming up on MuggleCast. But before then, it’s time for another round of Quizzitch.


Quizzitch


[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question: What did the Muggle Mr. Roberts say to the Weasley family as they left the Quidditch World Cup? He said, “Merry Christmas.” And of course, it was like, July.

Laura: I forgot about that.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: That poor Muggle. His memory is never going to be the same. Congrats to those who submitted the correct answer, including Ryan; Caleb; Mrs. Breen; Fred the Harry Potter Frog; My cat has a sailor leash; Kaladin Stormblessed; Sir KngofKngs; Dumbledore is gay but it’s actually a publicity stunt dot com…

Andrew: Whoa!

Eric: … Death Eater Colt Member 7; Tom Holland likes Harry Potter (but not more than me); and Hufflepuffing along, trying to spot the official Portkey; and Peggy. Okay, next week’s question: In year four, what does Ron smush in anger after Draco taunts him about having inside Ministry information regarding the Triwizard Tournament? So another Goblet of Fire question. Submit your answer to us via the form on MuggleCast’s website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch.

Andrew: A couple other reminders: Make sure you’re following the show for free in your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode, and leave us a review if they allow you to. Thank you to everybody who leaves reviews; we see them steadily coming in and they’re really fun to read, so thank you, everyone, for your support in however you support the show. And speaking of supporting the show, we would love your support at Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and you’ll get bonus MuggleCast installments, access to our recording studio, our planning docs, lots of other fun benefits all available. Patreon.com/MuggleCast. We couldn’t do this without you, so thanks for your support. And also follow us on social media; we are @MuggleCast on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok. Thank you, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Marc: And I’m Marc.

Andrew: Bye, everybody!

Micah: Bye.

Transcript #568

 

MuggleCast 568 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #568, Indefensible Characters in Harry Potter, and How to Understand Them


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura, and this week we will be arguing in defense of some of the most controversial, least favorite, most complicated characters in Harry Potter.

Eric: That’s right. Well, before we begin, I’d like to shout out the brand new Hogwarts Hunt, which is a fundraiser that’s being put on through various members of the Harry Potter community. I’m very excited to say that MuggleCast is the head of Hufflepuff House, but actually, we’re among a lot of greatness. The Gryffindor head is Chanel Williams, who you may know for her TikTok McGonagall impressions. The Ravenclaw head is Chris Rankin, a.k.a. Percy Weasley. And the Slytherin head is Maja Bloom, who plays Carrow in Fantastic Beasts. Anyway, we are up against those fellow team leaders, but really, it’s all a wonderful charity to be doing a scavenger hunt. Look at the MuggleNet socials for more information, and MuggleCast socials as well for the clues, or you can donate to each of our charities. In fact, our charity that we’re playing for this is the Transgender Law Center; we’ve got to support and do anything that we can to prevent discrimination, and that’s where the Transgender Law Center excels. For more information, check out bit.ly/HogwartsHunt, and definitely check out, stay tuned to MuggleNet and our social medias for more info. Thanks, and Happy Pride Month, everybody.

Andrew: So yeah, we’ll have a link in today’s show notes. Thanks, everybody, who helps out with that.


Main Discussion: Indefensible characters in Harry Potter


Andrew: All right, Laura, so let’s jump into today’s discussion.

Laura: Yeah, I’m really excited for this; it’s something that we’ve been toying around with for a little while. It started out as doing a defense of James Potter conversation, but we realized there was more room to expand that and look at some other characters who are complex in the series. But I thought as a warm-up, each of us could bring one character to the table who we think is completely indefensible and why we think that there are no redeeming qualities for these characters. Andrew, it looks like you have everybody’s favorite second year Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

Andrew: [laughs] Everybody’s favorite? Not after I’m done with him.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, so Lockhart, obviously. There is a special kind of evil, in my opinion, in stealing the adventures of others, then wiping those adventures and everything else from these unsuspecting people’s memories, and then profiting off of these stories by claiming they are his own, and then to carry the ego of someone who actually did all these things. He’s an extremely egotistical guy. And then to accept a role at Hogwarts with a bunch of lies as your resume, where he will be unqualified to teach, and he knows that deep down. And then, of course, as we see in Chamber of Secrets, he unsuccessfully comes to the aid of students, namely Harry; it’s all based on a lie, and he just isn’t able to help them, and it’s a unique kind of evil. He’s not the evilest person in Harry Potter, but it’s just a special kind of bad person, and it’s always really bugged me. I’m a journalist, so I can’t take when people lie.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I’m not really a journalist, but it hurts my soul.

Laura: You’re an independent journalist, Andrew.

Andrew: [laughs] Former independent journalist.

Laura: What I think is really interesting about Lockhart is that I think we’ve all had a Lockhart at some point or another…

Andrew: Ooh.

Laura: … maybe not someone who is as exaggerated and larger than life than this character, but I think that we’ve all had a teacher whose credentials we maybe questioned because they weren’t the greatest teacher, and we all probably found ourselves wondering, “How did this person get this job?”

Andrew: Yeah, or even just a serial liar. I think we’ve all known somebody who loves to lie and finds it very easy to do to make them sound more impressive than they actually are.

Eric: Well, and Lockhart is a great example of just unbridled ambition, right? Unchecked. There’s been no one to ever say, “You can’t do this.” He’s doing it and he’s promoting himself to a ridiculous level and he’s just not worth it inside, and that’s a horrible trait. Usually, if we were looking for a more redemptive character, you would have to have an element of, I don’t know, self-doubt… something lovable. There’s nothing lovable about Lockhart deep down. He’s harming people and actually putting all the students at Hogwarts at an even greater risk. He’s their Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher; they rely on him when stuff hits the fan, and he’s incompetent. He can’t do it.

Laura: Yeah, I think we might have felt differently about Lockhart if he had a threshold that he could reach where he would realize what he was doing is wrong. For example, with Harry and Ron in the Chamber of Secrets, had he said, “You know what, this is too far; I’m going to come clean,” I think that we might be having a very different conversation about Lockhart today, but because he attempted to wipe the memories of two 12-year-olds and it ended up backfiring on him, we don’t feel sorry for him.

Andrew: Right, exactly, yeah.

Eric: He got what he deserved.

Laura: Okay. Eric, what about you?

Eric: I have another Ravenclaw for the list.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Professor Quirrell! And again, how does Dumbledore choose these DADA teachers?

Laura: I know.

Eric: But yeah, I mean, we know that Quirrell was actually a competent professor and he ventured off before Harry’s first year into the woods to go and find Voldemort, and based on some extended canon, he thought he could either subdue Voldemort or wanted some kind of glory or accolades to locating him. Unfortunately, we know how this worked: Voldemort played him like a fiddle, ended up Quirrell is now Voldemort’s number one supporter, and in fact, sharing his human body with him in a quest to find and get the Philosopher’s/Sorcerer’s Stone and bring it back to life. So because of Quirrell’s ego, which I don’t think we’ve really focused on very much, because of Quirrell’s own “I can do this,” he ends up nearly unleashing Voldemort on the world a few years before we know that Voldemort actually returns. And it’s just a complete disregard for the danger of the situation. When you make a decision that puts yourself at risk, okay, that’s your decision. But when you make a decision that’s going to impact the entire wizarding world, think about the consequences of your actions here. And there was none of that. Again, it was just ambition the whole way through for Quirrell, and he spends his last year or so of life cowering under the guise of a wizard much more powerful than him, which he probably didn’t think existed. So it’s just the worst kind of mistake, because it’s a mistake, but it impacts so many other people.

Andrew: I like how the two non-Ravenclaws on this panel picked Ravenclaws here.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: They are the worst, aren’t they?

Andrew: Yes, they’re totally the worst. I don’t know how you can be one, Micah and Laura. Kidding.

Laura: [laughs] Well, no, I mean, I think that it’s a great point, because some of the ambition that is normally cast as a negative characteristic of Slytherins is also present among some Ravenclaws who turned bad, so I like that we’re equal opportunity offenders on the show when it comes to the Houses.

Eric: I think, too, as a Ravenclaw, if you have a so-called big brain, right, turn that intelligence… I guess the expectation from where I’m sitting on my comfy chair in Hufflepuff is that you turn that towards the betterment of humanity, and if you have more of a narrow focus and decide to use your smarts to propel yourself through high society, all the honors that that gets you, and don’t end up doing something like doing any philanthropic work or anything, then I view you poorly, as a Hufflepuff. And so these Ravenclaws are examples of people that really were just in it for themselves, despite having potentially some level of skill somewhere along the way.

Laura: Yeah. And there’s a lot of hubris there, too, right?

Micah: For sure. I think if you look at a lot of the Ravenclaws that we know in the series – maybe with the lone exception being Luna – there’s a lot to criticize. There’s a lot to look at, there’s a lot to evaluate, because they have all kind of used their wits for negative purposes, especially in the cases of both Lockhart and Quirrell.

Laura: Agreed.

Eric: With great power comes great responsibility.

Laura: Right. Oh, thank you, Uncle Ben. Well, shifting focus here, Micah, you have someone who didn’t get to go to Hogwarts.

Micah: No, but perhaps she would have been a Ravenclaw. Who knows?

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Oh, nicely done.

Micah: Yeah, so I’m curious to get all your thoughts after this, but I think that Petunia may be one of the most overlooked villains of the Harry Potter series. While she has taken her nephew in to safeguard him against the Dark side of the wizarding world, it may be worth wondering if even Death Eaters would be impressed by her treatment of Harry. She imprisoned him underneath the stairs, made him a servant to other members of the family, and allowed him to be shamed at every opportunity, even more so after his wizarding abilities came to light. She’s more than willing to try and repress his magic, and she’s willing to let tall tales be told about her sister, demeaning both Harry’s mother and father in front of him on countless occasions, so that’s why I really don’t think that she is defensible. We know that, obviously, she really wanted to go to Hogwarts, and that Harry represents probably everything she wanted for herself, but again, this is family, and this is also a child that she is responsible for, and she really does not do right by him at all.

Andrew: It’s interesting. It’s almost a hiding-in-plain-sight type of thing, because you don’t think of her as a villain since Dumbledore put Harry with the Dursleys; she is Lily’s sister… it doesn’t scream villain. But when you look at her this way, you get an entirely different impression. So yeah, I don’t know if I would go and say she was one of the worst, but most overlooked, yeah, for sure.

Eric: Well, put it this way: If Harry were anybody else other than Harry, with his unfailing lack of self-doubt, she could have instilled in him some crippling anxieties that he either lived with long into adulthood, or never recovered from because of her treatment and abuse of him. I do agree she belongs on this list of the irredeemable ones, because if you take what a caregiver or mother figure is supposed to be and turn it on its head, you get Petunia.

Laura: Yeah, it’s a great point. And based on this conversation, it has me wondering, did anybody…? When we first read Book 7 and we found out the truth about Petunia’s backstory, did we feel anything for her? Or did that not move the needle for us?

Micah: I don’t know that I looked at Petunia through that lens when I was first reading the series, where I would look back and think about how she brought up Harry. I think that’s more of something that we’ve all gotten to talk about over the course of the last couple years, and looking at the series through an adult perspective, I do think there was probably part of me that felt a little bit bad for her. She seemed like she was on the outside looking in and she really wanted to go to Hogwarts and she wanted to be just like her sister, but for whatever reason, Dumbledore doesn’t let her in and you do feel for her, I think, to some extent.

Eric: I think it’s because Petunia didn’t have a bakery, so she can’t come to Hogwarts.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Wow, when you put it that way, oof, that’s pretty rough.

Laura: Isn’t that rough?

Eric: Dumbledore is like, “What is she going to bring to me, really? Not like that Kowalski guy who always brings me fun pastries.”

Andrew: “I want some fresh bread and pastries. A man with a pan and a plan.”

Laura: A man with a pan.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Somebody make that shirt, please. It makes you wonder why wouldn’t Dumbledore have given Petunia a fake wand? He already did it with one Muggle.

Eric: Oh my God.

Andrew: This is why prequels are dangerous.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: I mean, and it’s not like Jacob at this time is studying in Hogwarts. It was just a visit.

Andrew: Right.

Eric: But still, still. I mean, I think Petunia would have appreciated a field trip, a sympathy field trip.

Andrew: Yes! Early on, especially.

Eric: As far as do we feel bad for her after learning that stuff? It’s kind of like Snape for me. There is sort of this tragic backstory; there’s this human moment where we as the audience can be like, “Oh, I get that. I can connect to that emotion of feeling sad and disappointed.” But from that point forward, if your choices are all garbage like Snape’s and Petunia’s were, there isn’t that much redemption to be had. I’m not going to feel that sorry for you. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s not very much because I’m just able to say, “Look, you resolved yourself to hatred and bigotry and all this other stuff later.” It’s like, “Just because you were sad as a kid, and then you went and made other kids sad. So who are you, really?”

Laura: Right. It’s about the choices you make, right?

Micah: Of course. Speaking of that man, though, I think he’s probably an indefensible character to some extent. And as it relates to Petunia, let’s just look at what he did: He denied her entry to Hogwarts – and I know it’s not technically up to him – and then years later, what does he do? He puts the son who has all this magical ability of her sister at her doorstep and makes her responsible for taking care of him, re-exposing her all over again to the magical world. I think there’s something a bit sinister in that.

Eric: Well, then again, that’s how we process emotions. We have to have that exposure therapy of… Petunia was presented with the choice of continuing to resent her sister or starting anew, and she chose the former rather than the latter, so I think there’s only… not to defend the indefensible Dumbledore – I do agree a lot of what he does is indefensible – but I think that there’s only a certain amount of things he could have predicted. We know he needed to put Harry with Petunia because of the particular magic that he was working to protect him.

Laura: Great point. Well, I’ll share mine, and this one is probably one of the more predictable options here. I chose Umbridge. I think that she’s one of the most obvious villains in the series. She’s not leading Voldemort’s movement or marching at the front of a crowd of Death Eaters ever, but she is using her position in the bowels of government to support it. And as Sirius said in Book 5, “The world isn’t separated into good people and Death Eaters,” and I think that is a perfect descriptor of Umbridge.

Eric: Laura, you just quoted Sirius Black in a defense?

Laura: I did. I did.

Andrew: That’s so beautiful.

Eric: I love it so much.

Laura: I know. I have problems with Sirius, but not as many as I have with Umbridge, so…

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: That’s a good barrier.

Laura: But I wanted to ask y’all, before we move on here: Of these characters that we’ve stated as indefensible, which one of them would you say…? If you had to pick one that was the most indefensible, who would it be?

Andrew: Well, I’ll never be over Umbridge and her detentions for Harry. Just the worst of the worst. And I still remember feeling so mad at her reading Order of the Phoenix, so I think of this list, I have to go with Umbridge.

Micah: Agreed.

Laura: Great.

Micah: But here’s a question: Would any of you have saved her from the centaurs? Or would you have just left her?

Laura: [laughs] I would save anyone from the… I don’t know. I would like to think that my humanity would override and I would say I wouldn’t want anyone to be tortured, even if they deserved it.

Andrew: Yeah, because we’re good people and we want to help somebody when they’re in need, no matter who they are. I mean, there’s some people you draw the line at. [laughs]

Eric: Well, it’s tough because in that moment, they have to get away. Hermione and Harry have to get away.

Laura: Right.

Eric: They can’t even… they don’t have an opportunity to really stop what’s going on, because Umbridge was so unrelenting in letting them go or flee or do what they need to do or listening to them or any of the things a teacher should have done, that it had to be that way with her.

Laura: I am glad to hear that we’re all in agreement that Umbridge is the most indefensible of these characters, because later on in the episode, we are going to be defending her. So great job, y’all.

Andrew: Excellent.

Eric: Half of us are going to be defending her. [laughs]

Andrew: Yes.

Laura: Well, we’ll be coming from different points of view on it. Have that to look forward to. And here in a moment, we’re going to talk about which characters we love to hate, but first, well, I thought we could shift focus a little bit and talk about the characters that maybe they’re not necessarily indefensible, but they are the characters that we love to hate.

Andrew: Oh, man, this one was so easy for me. Percy Weasley. This butt face falls in love with the Ministry. He’s so proud of himself for getting the job. Of course, Fudge just promoted him to Junior Minister to keep an eye on the Weasleys and Harry and Dumbledore, actually, so he’s so excited to get this role. He prioritizes his Ministry family over his own family. He doesn’t believe Dumbledore that Voldemort is back, “Dumbledore is off his rocker,” “Fudge is awesome and amazing and right,” and then, of course, the truth is finally revealed. He comes to his senses, Percy does, and feels really guilty, but he got played big time. And the reason I love to hate Percy is because I just love seeing him realize his mistake, and it was a very big mistake, and it knocked him down a few pegs ego-wise. He was very egotistical with that role at the Ministry, and turns out he was wrong.

Eric: His letter that Ron just gets and scoffs at is a great part of that book because you’re just like, “He’s what now?”

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. So smug, if I recall correctly.

Laura: Well, he’s also… Percy is someone who’s power hungry. You see that even when he’s at Hogwarts; he takes being a prefect and then Head Boy perhaps a little too seriously.

Eric: He also cares about the responsibility, though. That’s the thing, is I think he really enjoyed being a prefect, first for the honor, right? And that’s what Fred and George constantly pick at him for. But I think he also feels like he could handle the responsibilities in any given role.

Micah: I might make a unfavorable comparison here, though: I don’t think he’s that much different in his ambition than Umbridge. If you look at it, they’re both very much disappointed in their father’s lack of achievement within the Ministry that they themselves go to the Ministry to ascend to these levels of power.

Eric: Here’s the difference: Umbridge knows what she’s doing is wrong, and Percy has just bought into the common public perception of the day. Percy is toeing the Ministry line only so far as it seems to be a plausible, reasonable route, and falls out of it. Umbridge actually forcibly creates the world she wants to see and the reality she wants to see by bending the rules and sending Dementors after Harry to make sure that Fudge as Minister would support her actions, and there’s, I think, an entire canyon of distance between those two characters for that reason.

Micah: They’re comparable in the fact that I think they both have some daddy issues. And if you look at Percy, I mean, within a very short period of time, he is already buddy-buddy right there with the Minister. Now, the Minister doesn’t even know his name, so that is a bit of a slap in the face.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: However, I’m just saying, if you look at what he was able to achieve, versus what Arthur was able to achieve in his long career at the Ministry, it would be night and day for those on the outside looking in. And obviously, Umbridge does something not all that dissimilar; she gets very close to the Minister and then can sort of, as you were saying, enact her own policies as a result of that. I’m not saying they’re similar in character; I’m just saying they’re similar in terms of how they chose to approach their careers.

Laura: Yeah, I think the key difference is Percy is, of course, a good bit younger, and he does redeem himself, albeit in the 11th hour of the series. [laughs] But he does eventually come around much earlier in his life than Umbridge, and we’re never led to indicate that Umbridge ever came around after any of this. So that’s really the difference, is just the choice Percy made later on in the series to come back into the fold of the good guys.

Eric: Onto the light side. I mean, it just represents, too – Percy does – the capacity in all of us, even among so-called good families, to stray to a totalitarian fascist regime. Pure intentions, but it really is tricky out there.

Andrew: Admittedly, it happens, so I’ll give Percy that. Especially when you’re growing up. But all teens are rebellious when they’re teenagers.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: I just want to say – and this is plugging our Discord and thus our Patreon – I’m really loving the discourse that is happening in our Discord right now where people are making some real-life comparisons to what Umbridge and Percy would do in some real-life current situations happening that you might see reported on the news. It’s very funny. You should join our Patreon; it’s a ton of fun over there. We love hanging out with these folks on Saturday mornings. But Eric, do you want to tell us about Snape?

Eric: This is a really easy one, yeah. Snape, but I put him in the category of love to hate. I think that a function of these books, insofar as they’re formulaic, there is that big misdirect. There is the person that is held up as “This guy’s the bad guy,” but he’s not; he turns out not to be the bad guy. So starting way back in Book 1, Snape being held up as this cruel teacher that is dirty all the time, hangs out in the dungeons, really has nothing going for him…

Andrew: Greasy hair.

Eric: Greasy hair. That git. But it turns out that he’s spent the whole first year of Harry’s year at Hogwarts protecting Harry, and you’re just like, “What? Double take!” That said, once you have that revelation at the end of Book 1, it doesn’t get better. [laughs] He’s still continuing to make life miserable for the students at Hogwarts. He does some really awful things to Hermione and Neville, really just shatters their confidence or tries his damnedest to. And so yeah, not a good guy. But there’s still this element… I think it helps that he ends up being a good guy in the sense that he was working with Dumbledore to topple Voldemort and is possibly the single most important person, the most important cog in that whole set of gears for that cause, so it’s like, “Okay, I love to hate him because he is actually a good guy, but I really hate him.” But then there’s also that element of… the scenes with him are just so ridiculous. I’m thinking in particular when Harry is knocked out after the Dementors swarm him and he wakes up in the hospital wing, and Snape has regained control of the entire situation with Sirius Black and he’s talking with Fudge, and Fudge is just so delighted; he’s like, “Oh, Order of Merlin, second class. First class if I can manage it!” And Snape is just basking in the glow of this righteous act that’s going to get Sirius – who he knows at this point is innocent – is going to get him murdered or worse, and Snape doesn’t care. But that scene is so… because you feel powerless, and then there’s that triumph of Harry… you love having Snape as your, let’s say, mini-villain of any one particular book.

Laura: Yeah. Snape kind of has a one track mind when it comes to doing what’s right, because what’s right for him is that he knows he has to keep Harry alive. It’s very minimalist. It’s similar to Petunia, in a way. She provides the most – and I mean the most – basic of housing for him, so that she can satisfy the requirement of letting him come home once a year, and Snape is doing the bare minimum to keep Harry alive. And it doesn’t… the ancillary characters that Harry cares about don’t really seem to matter to him because he doesn’t care so much about Harry’s quality of life or mental state; he just needs to keep him alive because he made that promise to Dumbledore after Lily died.

Andrew: Also fun to hate Snape just because of the big “Snape good versus evil” debate back in the day. [laughs] Just fun to hate on him from that perspective, too.

Eric: It was kept ambiguous. Well, even the Marauder’s Map makes fun of Snape.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: It’s like, everybody jump on board.

Andrew: Everyone’s favorite punching bag. Poor guy.

Laura: Do we remember what side of that debate we were on back in the day?

Andrew: We’d have to pull up the old episodes of MuggleCast. [laughs]

Laura: I know.

Andrew: Man, I wish I remembered off the top of my head.

Laura: I feel like we were pretty solidly in the “Snape is good” corner because we had done so much theorizing and we were like, “No, no, no.”

Micah: As Eric was just describing, “good” is such a vague term.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Micah: He’s not good. He’s both good and bad.

Eric: It’s crazy that a character that murders Dumbledore could be considered a good guy, but I think we all razor focused – if I’m remembering correctly – on the “Severus, please” thing…

Laura: Yes.

Eric: … to really remember that Dumbledore planned this. And I remember feeling after reading Half-Blood that because it was part of Dumbledore’s plan. Snape, again, just is not guilty, is not a bad guy, so to speak, of doing what he’s doing.

Laura: Well, Micah. Love to hate.

Micah: Love to hate but I also think indefensible, so she probably fits both categories.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: And this may be influenced a bit by Helena Bonham Carter’s portrayal of Bellatrix. However, we know that she is easily Voldemort’s second in command, and I believe I’m quoting David Heyman here from our Episode 200 interview with him when he said she has a “deliciousness” to her evil. We don’t know much about Cygnus and Druella Black, her parents, but it is fair to say that the Black name and reputation speaks for itself. She’s clearly a pure-blood loyalist and obsessed with the Dark Arts, being taught by Voldemort himself. She’s the most maniacal of her sisters, Narcissa and Andromeda, disowning Andromeda after marrying a Muggle. And probably most notably, she’s responsible for the torture of Frank and Alice Longbottom and the murder of Sirius Black, so she has quite the resumé. But I still think people love to hate Bellatrix.

Andrew: And she loves being evil, so she welcomes everybody hating her, too, I think.

Eric: That’s a key component, I think, is “Love who you are, even if who you are is a horrible person.” [laughs]

Andrew: It’s an inspiring message. We all should carry Bellatrix’s message with us.

Laura: Yeah. Do you remember when Dumbledore was talking to Snape and made it clear to him, “I would prefer that you kill me, because Bellatrix likes to play with her food”? [laughs] Because he knew he would suffer, right? He knew Snape would make it quick. But I agree; I think that so much of this… and I think we’ve talked about this when we’ve analyzed Bellatrix’s character before: It is surprising to look back at the written word and see how little of Bellatrix there is in the books, actually, but Helena Bonham Carter just made that character jump off the page.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Andrew: Absolutely.

Laura: To this day.

Eric: Yeah, there’s an example of the character sort of even being better in the adaptation than it is in the books, again, because I think in the book if you were to distill it down and erase our minds of any film portrayal and just have us assess the character, we’d say, “Well, she’s the fanatic.” You’ve got to have… this evil regime, you have to have the true believer, evil regiment person, but then we’d just be like, “Yeah, she was in a couple of scenes. She did that thing with the Longbottoms; then she just is always harping on the kids for being against her man, Voldemort.” But there’s a lot of color and flavor that Helena adds to it.

Laura: Agreed.

Micah: Yeah, she also gets Harry to use the first Unforgivable Curse that he uses.

Eric: That’s right. I mean, she murders Sirius Black; I guess I should hate her more because of that. But also, what did it for me was Spinner’s End, getting to see the one person besides Voldemort that she feels some earthly attachment to – not her husband, surprisingly, [laughs] but her sister Narcissa, and their dynamic and their relationship is really interesting. But again, Bellatrix is there to say, “You should be doing what Voldemort wants no matter what,” and so it’s very good insight into her character.

Laura: And for my love to hate character, I picked Rita Skeeter. I don’t know that we’ve talked about her a ton on the show in recent history. She is not an amazing journalist by any stretch, but there is some cleverness to what she does. She was my favorite character to hate in Goblet of Fire, which is also my favorite Harry Potter book. This wasn’t a connection that I made before I started planning for this episode, but I feel like I need to go reread it now to see if the Rita Skeeter arc was one of my favorite parts of the book. It was also really satisfying to see her outwitted by a 14-year-old; I love those moments and these characters who get bamboozled by teenagers. And while everything she does is sensationalized, her work does slightly graze the truth enough to entice her readers and to keep the plot moving along. Even thinking about The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore, there’s a ton of sensationalism in there, but at its base, at its core, there is some level of truth. That’s how we find out about Grindelwald and Dumbledore knowing each other. It’s another place where Hermione sees the Deathly Hallows sigil and realizes that there’s a theme here, so it gives Harry and Hermione a direction to move in. So I really enjoy the character, not because I like her, but I do love to hate her.

Eric: It’s another one of those classic takes of how femininity is bad in the view of the author, the way she shows up and she’s very posh and accomplished, but she actually does not want what’s best for the wizarding world, if we all can believe that.

Laura: Nope. [laughs]

Eric: She wants success and fame and fortune and all the usual trappings.

Micah: She’s Lockhart with a quill, essentially.

Andrew and Laura: Yep.

Laura: Do you think she was a Ravenclaw too?

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Micah: We could probably check on that.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Micah: I do think, though, too, just like Bellatrix, there’s a deliciousness to her evil, and that may also have to do with Miranda Richardson’s portrayal of her. We don’t get her a whole lot in the fourth movie, right? We actually don’t even get her after that when she does make a couple of appearances, so that’s disappointing.

Laura: I know.

Andrew: Y’all…

Micah: Rita was a Ravenclaw, okay.

Andrew: Yeah, I just Googled it. She was a Ravenclaw.

Laura: [laughs] Oh no!

Eric: Oh my God.

Andrew: There’s a trend here.

Eric: There’s a Ravenclaw in every book that’s evil.

Andrew: [chanting] Leave this House. Leave this House.

Laura: No, Micah and I have to redeem the reputation.

Andrew: Oh, fine, fair.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Slytherin! Slytherin!

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: It’s a different kind of evil.

Andrew: Yes.

Laura: Well, I thought we could chat about now, after we’ve warmed up with talking about some completely indefensible and some love to hate characters, what makes a character defensible or even complex enough that we enjoy them as readers? I think Snape is most often the example that fans of the books look to. There are even a lot of readers of the books who cite Snape as their favorite character, not because they agree with him ideologically, but because he is such a gray area complex character. And I was just thinking off the top of my head, what are some of the characteristics of a character like this that maybe people can connect with or at least understand? And I think it’s he’s deeply intelligent, he has this tortured childhood, he’s got an unrequited love angle… we’ve all been there at some point. I’m wondering, though, what is the most common defense of Snape that we’ve heard from Snape fans over the years?

Eric: I think that Dumbledore really manipulated him. We see Snape was a good enough person in the sense that he could love somebody – that’s questionable whether it was healthy love, etc., etc. – but then to have the back half of your life be dictated by this megalomaniacal Machiavelli character that’s going to say, “Oh, you felt for this person? I’m going to use that to put you exactly where I want you the next 20 years.” It’s arguable whether Dumbledore was doing what absolutely needed to be done because he needed an inside man because that’s just Voldemort was that terrifying, but at the same time, it’s wrong that Snape never really got to process those emotions necessarily, because he had to just be in it for the last 13-15 years of his life.

Andrew: Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I think Dumbledore is the most common denominator as to why Snape was most defendable. It’s hard to argue with the fact that Dumbledore and Snape were working very closely together and we consider Dumbledore mostly a good guy.

Laura: Do we on this show? I feel like we critique Dumbledore on a lot on this show.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: No, we do. We definitely do. But I think I say from time to time that he’s one of my favorite characters, if not my favorite character.

Micah: He’s a fascinating character.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Micah: I just think looking back on it, we’re able to see how he was this master manipulator and moved all these different chess pieces throughout the Harry Potter series so that ultimately, we got the result that we did.

Laura: Well, I mean, when we look back at the indefensible characters that we started at the beginning of the show with, Dumbledore is the common denominator with all four of these people.

Eric: Oh, God. You’re about to… you just blew my mind. But look, but look, here’s my rule of thumb, good guy versus bad guy: Are they nice to children?

Laura: Yep.

Eric: That’s it. Snape is not… he’s no. Petunia is not…

Laura: That’s a good barometer. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, I mean, rereading some of the ways he treats the students, it makes you sick. And in those moments, I’m like, “Damn, this guy really does suck.”

Eric: But then Dumbledore is like, “Alas, earwax.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: He really makes effort, I think… even with Ron, when he… and he gives the points to Neville at the end of year one. I think because Dumbledore was good with kids, he’s okay, or a little bit more all right.

Laura: Well, he’s good with kids interpersonally, but he doesn’t put kids in the greatest position either. [laughs]

Eric: [sighs] Yeah, there are kind of all those security nightmare moments that we talk about.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah. Well, speaking of something that could potentially lead to a security nightmare, or at the very least an emotional nightmare, let’s talk about Filch. I think Filch is not a character that gets discussed often, but I think that there is somewhat of a defense that you can make of Filch and his really terrible sour personality; he’s a member of a society that treats him like a second class citizen.

Andrew and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: And not to bring up Dumbledore again, but I will.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: I was wondering, do we need to really defend Filch? Or is it more of a question of Dumbledore’s judgment? Because Dumbledore essentially makes Filch the Hogwarts custodian, and Filch is a person with no magical ability that has to clean up after children who constantly remind him of what he is not. He’s already at a major disadvantage in his attempts to discipline and do his job, maybe less so with the younger students because they’ll obey authority, but certainly the older ones are not going to listen to what he has to say. And I really think that comes down to the fact that it’s doubtful he has the students’ respect. He can’t even use magic to do his job, and given his job, this would be a major benefit. So I think one point we looked at how inclusive Dumbledore is in terms of his staff at Hogwarts, but I feel like in this role for Filch it’s very difficult for him to do his job. It’s almost like Dumbledore is putting him in a position to be ridiculed.

Eric: I really would have liked… now I see there’s this absence of why Filch does it. We get the sense… we know what he’s missing, which is magic. We see the Kwikspell whole thing in Book 2, which is a big deal, him being a Squib and all. But I don’t understand why he would put up with all these – forgive me – shitheels at Hogwarts, these students that are just going to make his life a living hell. Is it just because he feels inferior for not having magic that he then needs to be in the only magical position he can be as a custodial worker for this magic school? Because that’s a lot of scrubbing old trophies. That’s a lot of polishing. That’s a lot of bullcrap that you’re putting yourself through that otherwise you wouldn’t. I really wish we would have gotten that component of why does Filch continually subject himself to the abuse?

Andrew: Yeah, I don’t think we ever did. I was just looking around and I don’t really see any official backstory. That would be nice to know. And we probably… I would assume that there is some reason and story that if we read it, we would be like, “Oh, okay, now it all makes sense.” I assume it has something to do with him wanting to go to Hogwarts. But yeah, you would think that, okay, you take this job, and then you do it for a few years. You’re cleaning the trophies and all that. You’re like, “What am I getting out of this?” And then maybe after that, he decided, “Well, I’ve got nothing else going on in my life. What am I going to do outside of this?” Maybe it’s one of those examples of he was looking for another job and just never found one.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: The job market in the wizarding world is very, very slim.

Andrew: Yeah, although I could see him being a bartender at the Hog’s Head or something like that.

Eric: Oh, that would be great.

Andrew: Dumbledore could have hooked him up with Aberforth.

Micah: Yeah, I could see that. But I also think there’s something really cruel, though, about the detention aspect of Filch, right? A lot of times he’s the one that’s carrying out detention and imposing that on students for doing something that he himself is not capable of doing. And I’m also thinking about taking the students into the Forbidden Forest like he does in Sorcerer’s Stone. He’s not qualified to protect them in any way. Should something happen, the students are more equipped to protect Filch than Filch is the students, so…

Andrew: Security nightmare.

Micah: [laughs] I don’t understand Dumbledore’s rationale here.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: My assumption was always that job prospects for Squibs are extremely limited in the wizarding world, and that assuming completely positive intent, Dumbledore was thinking, “Well, this is at least a safe” – I’m doing air quotes here – “a safe place for a Squib to be, because Hogwarts is a fortress.” And I can see him going about it that way. But we also have to remember the Kwikspell moment that we got with Filch in Book 2, when Harry found his correspondence, magical learning courses. Remember when he was in his office, and he found them on his desk and there was that moment of realization that, “Oh, Filch really wants to learn magic”?

Andrew: “I want to be a wizard.”

Laura: Yeah, and it’s a deep insecurity of his, so it makes me wonder, did he want to be at Hogwarts because maybe he thought proximity to an educational institution might rub off on him and give him some chance?

Andrew: Maybe. And we’ve heard, isn’t this the premise of the new video game? You’re going to be a late-blooming wizard?

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: And so maybe he’s always just held out hope that one day that magic is going to kick in. But by the way, I do really like this comment from Danielle, who’s listening live. She says, “Hogwarts offers great pet insurance. That’s why he stays.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: Aww, Mrs. Norris.

Andrew: Sometimes it’s all about the benefits. That makes a lot of sense to me.

Eric: [laughs] I don’t know. Pet insurance? Mrs. Norris straight up is Petrified the whole second year.

Laura: Hey, maybe Filch got a great payout from that.

Eric: Oh, yeah. “Sorry for your damages. Here.”

Laura: [laughs] He’s got a great ADD policy on Mrs. Norris. But why are these conflicted characters so interesting? Filch is a character – I think it’s pretty obvious from the way I talk about him – I find him interesting, and I find the prospects of what might explain his character to be really fascinating, and I feel like we missed out on some of that sometimes. I wonder if there was supposed to be more there than what there really was, because there was so much establishment of his character early on in the books that kind of fades away as the books progress. I want to know what makes these characters so interesting to us, and we can use Filch or Snape or really any complex character in the series as an example here. There can be things, like Snape for example, things that he does that we’re not in favor of. He objectifies Lily, he practices the Dark Arts, he’s a pure-blood maniac, and yet, we can still see some good or at least track the trajectory of when they had their departure from the bad side or from the darker side of things.

Andrew: I think part of it is the mystery, the intrigue around the unknown.

Eric: I think, too, it’s crucial that there’s a point of connection for the audience on any character of seeing either themselves in a character or a universal truth in a character to see, again, where specifically they diverged, and it’s like, “Oh, I could have been this way if I had made these same choices or if I had the same trauma.” That’s a point. Or in the absence of all of that, just seeing a master of his craft, which Snape is. As potions master, you’re like, “Okay, I hate this guy, but look at him brew a potion. And then what makes him…? What qualities that are these horrid qualities makes him really good at this? Because I’m going to learn what makes a potion master get to where he is, and see if any of that involves some of the stuff that Snape is displaying.” So I think Snape was interesting from that angle, too, the fact that he was not only a Head of House, but objectively the best potion-er in the entire series.

Andrew: Or, “Oh, I hate this guy, but aww, unrequited love; that’s so sad,” or, “Oh, he’s working with Dumbledore? Okay, well, maybe there’s something here.” [laughs]

Laura: Yeah. Or, “Oh, he was bullied horribly during his schooling years.”

Andrew: Yes!

Laura: “I was bullied during my schooling years.” And that stuff – I was about to say a different word – that stuff leaves a mark. It does.

Andrew: What is that different word? I honestly don’t know. [laughs]

Eric: So again, it’s a point of connection. You need a point of connection, I think, with the best characters to really love them so thoroughly.

Micah: Conflict is king, as they like to say.

Eric: There you go.

Laura: Well, speaking of that point of connection and Snape’s bullying during his Hogwarts years, let’s talk about James Potter. James Potter was the original inspiration for today’s discussion, and I think that he warrants some nuanced conversation. Do we think that James Potter as we see him in the memories – in Harry’s – or in the books, is he better or worse than Snape? Or are they the same?

Micah: For me, it’s so hard to answer this question because we don’t get a lot of James, and a lot of what we do get of James is through Snape’s perspective, which is likely going to be skewed. Now, I’m curious, though, is it fair to say that James’s treatment of Snape helped define Snape’s decisions and who he would ultimately become? Because I think that the bullying of Snape was likely a constant reminder of how Snape was being treated at home, how he saw his mother being treated by his father, and it’s fair to say that Lily ultimately choosing James was probably similar to his mother staying with his father.

Laura: Ooh.

Micah: I know that’s digging levels deep into some of the psychology of what’s going on here, but I don’t want to pigeonhole James here. People have disagreements.

Laura: No, I think that’s… I mean, looking at it from Snape’s point of view, I’ve never thought of him potentially comparing James to Tobias, but I think you’re absolutely right; he probably sees these archetypes of men in his life who are abusive towards him and he lumps them all together and assumes that because Tobias was incapable of growth or improvement, that James probably wouldn’t be either. Snape cast him as a role and assumed that he was static and wouldn’t grow.

Micah: Right. And in both cases, the women that he loves end up going to these abusive individuals.

Laura: Oh, man, that’s deep.

Andrew: Yeah, and you can think about how that would really bother you as a person. You’re like, “Wow, I see this happening again here at Hogwarts. Will I ever get out of this cycle? Are a lot of people like this? Am I just going to keep encountering people like this?”

Micah: I tried dropping the mic, but it didn’t work.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: You could try, but don’t. Yeah, I mean, for me, too, we were just talking about what makes an interesting character, and I’m like, “You need that point of connection with that person and how they grow and it’s very exciting…” I don’t have that with James. I think you’d be hard-pressed to find it. James is very… for how close he is to the main hero of the story – one degree of separation, his father – we have probably the least about him than we do for most of the peripheral characters in the series, and we’ve seen him the least, partly because he’s dead. But I think that unlike Lily, whose love is this resounding ever-present thing for Harry and allows the series to really continue, James is relegated to just a few moments here and there where people are commenting about James to Harry, and so we don’t have that point of connection. It’s really hard to say that James grew or evolved because we don’t see it firsthand.

Laura: Yeah. And I think, to a point that I think one of y’all inserted here in the doc, the only lens we have through which to observe that change is Lily. We know that when Harry first sees them interacting in Snape’s Worst Memory in… Book 5? Yes. She clearly doesn’t like James, so something had to have changed between when they were 15 and when they got married and had Harry. So I’m wondering, do we believe that James could have truly outgrown his bullying tendencies? I think we actually brought this up in a Slug Club meeting last month with our patrons there, where we were wondering, “15. James dies when he’s 21. Is six years enough time to really grow out of that?”

Andrew: No. No. And this is my big reason for trying to defend James. Sometimes when you’re growing up, you’re not a great person. You’re a bully. But a lot of people do grow out of that. Think of our own high school bullies; I think a lot of them are pretty normal now. That doesn’t mean I necessarily forgive them for what they did back in those days, but you grow out of it. And Harry became a great person, right? He’s a good guy. Some of that comes from being James’s son. He’s a Potter. So I have to think that James would have been a good guy – was a good guy – post-Hogwarts.

Eric: Really interesting. For me, it comes down to an either/or surrounding Lily. Either she compromised her principles and married a jerk, or he became less of a jerk. And maybe there’s an in-between; maybe Lily, feeling bad about the falling-out with her lifelong friend Severus Snape, started to feel as though James’s tauntings of him were more valid than they were, or had cause as a result of Severus’s choice to completely surround himself with the Dark Arts and Dark side. So maybe James was right that there’s something off about Snape because he chose not to be friends with Lily anymore. And so I think that there’s some nuance there, sure, there’s some room there, but ultimately, Lily would not have married somebody that wasn’t good for her. So that’s the way I answer that question of James’s whole personality: Well, Lily, who we love, chose this guy, and I don’t think she was doing so in a self-deprecating manner, so he probably did change a little bit.

Andrew: #TrustInLily.

Laura: Yeah. And I think that there is a degree to which we can assume that the one year Harry spent with his parents was a happy one. There’s a comparison to be made here between Harry and Voldemort as babies. And there’s a ton of psychological research into the impacts of your upbringing, particularly during your first year of life, that things that happened to you during that time, even though you won’t remember them, do have an impact on your capacity to grow and thrive and handle certain things. So if we’re looking at Harry and Voldemort as opposites, Voldemort was in an orphanage and would not have been receiving the level of care that Harry would have been receiving from his loving parents who he lived at home with, so we can at least say… it’s probably safe to say that James was a loving father…

Andrew: Absolutely.

Laura: … which to me, indicates some kind of growth.

Andrew: Yes. He was also part of the Order, he also trained to become an Animagus when Remus was transforming with Sirius and Pettigrew, so there are some elements that show he likely was a good person. We can’t listen to everything that Snape said. Snape thought that he was extremely arrogant, but Snape has reason to have bias towards James, so you have to take some of what Snape said with a grain of salt too.

Laura: Well, and Snape is also extremely arrogant. I mean, this is the guy who came up with a villain origin hero name for himself.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Right.

Eric: Wow. That’s a good point.

Micah: Right. Well, I’m also thinking, too, not just about James, but how some of the other Marauders, particularly Sirius and Remus, behave towards Snape. At least with Remus and Snape, they seem like they’re both… they tolerate each other, even if they don’t necessarily like each other, whereas Sirius and Snape, it’s very much a defense of James, right? And I don’t know, is Sirius sort of the wildcard in all of this? And would James at 30-something be behaving more of an adult towards Snape than Sirius is? It’s really interesting to look at the psychology of it all, but we’re never going to know because unfortunately, James passes at 21, as you said.

Laura: Yeah. Do we ever feel like…? Because reading over Snape’s Worst Memory again, I almost wonder sometimes if James is performing for Sirius, or maybe they perform for each other.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Andrew: I was going to say something similar to that. These four together, I think they might amp things up when they’re together. They’re the Marauders, they’re a little gang, they’re a little squad trying to impress each other, and that’s kind of what you do as you’re a kid as well. You have your clique, and if you start interacting with other people, you’re also trying to impress your clique while you’re interacting with those other people, I think. We all just want to be loved and impress our friends and look cool for the girls, and unfortunately, sometimes that involves being a bully to other people.

Micah: But to Eric’s point earlier, the barometer for Snape is how does he treat children? Because he’s a bully towards children, which is not acceptable as an adult.

Andrew: Yes. And do we see James treating kids like that? No. 1,000% no. As an adult, no.

Laura: Well, one last point on James: I just wanted to ask y’all – and we have no idea of knowing this, really – but I’m wondering what is your headcanon about what we think James did to change Lily’s mind?

Eric: Maybe stopped trying so hard. Maybe once he saw that she was actually devastated over her loss of Snape as a friend… and she would never have told this to him directly; I think he would have relied on either Alice Longbottom or one of her female friends to be like, “Hey, what’s going on with her? Evans seems a little under the weather,” whatever, then somebody would tell him, and it’d be like, “Oh,” and maybe in determining how he should approach still trying to date her, he had to come up with some maturity points to help her out in that time, and actually became more of a friend than this stooge, I guess, so to speak.

Laura: And I feel this is exactly the kind of thing that fans have always wanted to see. We want to see what those early days of Order of the Phoenix looked like. We want to see what it was like for the Marauders as they’re coming of age under the threat of Voldemort rising to power, and then ultimately, how all of these interactions played out. So what’s the name of our friend? Zaslav? [laughs] Like, are you listening? This is what we want.

Andrew: I also read that James bought one of those “Happy wife, happy life” T-shirts, and Lily was really impressed by that.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Ohh.

Andrew: She was like, “He’s the one.”

Eric: Did he get that down at the Jersey Shore on the boardwalk?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: You did the bare minimum.

Andrew: I hate those shirts, those license plate border things…

Laura: Oh, yeah. It’s like, “Man, that tells me a lot about what you think of your wife.”

Andrew: Yeah, it’s just such a suck-up thing to do. [laughs]

Laura: Well, to round us out today – something that I hinted at earlier on in the episode – we are now going to try to make a difficult defense case of Umbridge. So we’re working in teams, so Andrew and Micah are team one; they’ll be arguing that Umbridge is the way she is because of her childhood. Eric and I, we’re going to talk about Umbridge’s career aspirations being the real moment that she made some evil contributions to the world. But it sounds like, Andrew and Micah, you’re ready to kick it off.

Micah: I came all the way to Leavesden for this, as you can see by my background.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Andrew: Micah has an Umbridge office background today, yes.

Micah: With the cat.

Andrew: With the cats. Micah and I are arguing that Umbridge is the way she is because of her childhood. So Umbridge – and this is all canon – Umbridge had an upbringing that put her in this position. Her father raised her to dislike her Muggle mother and her Squib brother, which then, in my opinion, rooted an evil bias in her. The harm she and her father caused pushed her mom and brother out of their home and life – that’s true – which showed Dolores the power that came with treating others as less than. So then she gets to Hogwarts as a student, and she never received a position of power that she had wanted, like Head Girl or prefect, and that left her feeling deprived. It left her with a hole in her heart. She wanted control, and this was all the more reason for her to aim for power and control later in life, right, Micah?

Micah: Absolutely right, Andrew. And if you want proof that her childhood influenced the way she is today, look no further than the relationship she forms with Filch, who is a Squib. Given what happens with her brother, also a Squib, and that her father worked in the Department of Magical Maintenance at the Ministry – a custodian, let’s just say – and that’s essentially Filch’s Hogwarts role, one could argue that she sees her brother and her father in Filch and is in fact trying to make amends for past family issues. Separately to Andrew’s point above, Umbridge got a taste for what it was like to treat others as less than in her upbringing and remove said people from her home early on, and effectively does the same thing at Hogwarts with various professors who she considers to be beneath her. She removes Trelawney. She removes Hagrid. She tries to remove Dumbledore, but she considers… I wouldn’t argue she considers Dumbledore less than her, but I would argue certainly she considers Trelawney to be less than her, certainly, she considers Hagrid, as well as others, so I definitely see a correlation here between her upbringing and where she’s at today. Thank you.

Andrew: Agree. We’ve got canon to back us up. There’s no beating us today, I’m sorry.

Laura: Well, speaking of canon, I totally agree with you that what happens to someone during their childhood can have a significant impact on their capacity for adulting, right? And doing so in a way that is productive, and not harmful to society. I completely agree with that point. But there are also plenty of examples in these books of people who were abused as children who didn’t grow up to be bigots. I give you Neville. I give you Harry. I give you Sirius, who is a great example of somebody who was raised in a very similar ideological environment to Umbridge. None of them grew up to be this way. And I think ultimately, Umbridge is someone who was so driven by the desire to hold on to power that she saw the writing on the wall at the Ministry, and realized that she needed to fall into line with Fudge to have a chance to climb that career ladder and grow her power and influence. This was a choice she made as an adult, not as a child. And yes, she was already primed to hold these kinds of reprehensible views before she got to the Ministry, but had the ideological tone at the Ministry not allowed for her to help fill the bigoted vacuum, there wouldn’t have been anywhere for her to go. There are bigoted adults everywhere; I’m sure some of us have known some. But the key difference between those people who are bigots in their day-to-day lives, and the ones that are then handed political power, is that the person who’s a bigot in their day-to-day life has a much smaller sphere of influence, but someone who is able to step into a position of power and exercise that can have a much more negative impact down the line on a greater number of people, which is what Umbridge does.

Eric: Agreed. And I’ll only add that thinking about what you guys were presenting about her childhood and her relationship with her father and how he supposedly taught her to dislike her sibling and mom, she also distances herself from her father. Umbridge’s ambition – which may have been learned at a young age – is so unchecked that she also chooses to distance herself from her dad because he was a custodian at the Ministry of Magic. So she has no relationship with her father, and that’s because she sees it as a barrier to her own success and rising within the ranks of the Ministry, so that’s cold, that’s calculating, and that takes a whole generation, I think, to develop. And the idea that she could rise to power so quickly and stop at nothing to get that power shows me a very mature sense of following one’s dreams. There’s nothing childish about it; she has chosen time and again to be this way, and it’s gotten to the point where being this way brings her joy, that we see her throw a temper tantrum when she doesn’t get those moments of joy, because she needs it. But this is all born out of this gradual evolution into the character that she is, which these are adult choices that she’s making.

Micah: But I would just say… she is the way she is, you’re arguing, because of her career aspirations. But where do those career aspirations come from? Her childhood. Her upbringing.

Andrew: Yes! She wasn’t a good person as a child. This would be one thing if maybe she was, but she wasn’t.

Laura: I mean, neither was Sirius.

Micah: Right, but Sirius didn’t grow up in the same circumstances as she did. And I would say, too, that certainly, it’s all about her own choices, but those choices subconsciously are influenced by her childhood and how she was brought up. How she developed the relationship with her father certainly impacted her decision in terms of her career choices. She wanted to be more than her father; she wanted to hold a higher position of power than her father did at the Ministry. She sees her father as a failure. And her father taught her things that she then grew to take into later in life, how her mother was treated, how her brother was treated. She enacts those things out constantly in Order of the Phoenix, and later on in Deathly Hallows, against those that she considers to be less than, so I would argue that it all begins in her childhood.

Laura: But there’s a definitive choice for her. She is someone who receives a full education, she works for the government, so there is a definitive moment of choice for Umbridge where she decides to use that influence to fuel her bigotry and her bad acting through her job at the Ministry. Again, it’s our choices that define us, not where we came from.

Eric: Yeah. And there’s a point where all of her hobnobbing can only get her so far, and she causes the events of the beginning of Order of the Phoenix in order to further her own selfish cause. Even her beloved Cornelius would not agree to send Dementors to Little Whinging, and it’s up to her. She decides that she is going to… that Cornelius will be so thrilled by the circumstances, if Harry is just removed from the playing board. That’s a serious calculation on her part that I don’t think has anything to do with her childhood or how she was raised, and more to do with her ambition, more to do with her career prospects. She sees a way for her to immediately get at the top of the pile, and it’s by doing that.

Micah: It totally does, though, because that’s pleasing an authority figure, and you can argue that’s trying to please a parental figure as well in Fudge.

Eric: But it’s so shallow. I don’t think she actually believes that she’s going to get… it’s not seeking daddy’s love here; it’s seeking power.

Micah: Well, no. I mean, she has a picture of him on her desk.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Performative.

Laura: I mean, we drew some comparisons between Percy and Umbridge earlier on in the episode. Percy’s upbringing couldn’t have been more opposite than Umbridge’s upbringing, and yet they both ended up in very similar places.

Micah: Right, and I’m not disagreeing with you about the choices aspect of it, but in as much as Umbridge’s choices are informed by her childhood upbringing, so are Percy’s.

Andrew: Yeah. You have to, I think, at least admit that some of her actions as a child influenced her later on. It’s not like none of that was carried into her adult years.

Laura: Oh, of course.

Eric: Well, I think with every waking day you have to choose what kind of person you want to be, and after a certain point, it’s either going to… you’re going to grow weary of choosing to be a bad person, or you’re not, and she doesn’t.

Laura: Well, and I think it depends on, again, what you choose to do with that. Like I said, there are plenty of people who are brought up in racist, bigoted homes with backwards views…

Andrew: Umbridge.

Laura: … that want to take us all back – agreed, Umbridge – that want to take us all back 50 years, but not all of them seek political office. That is a conscious choice. When you are going from saying, “I believe these things and this is the way I want to live my life,” yes, you will still have negative impacts on people that you meet in your day-to-day life because of who you are, but that sphere of influence exponentially increases the second that you pursue a job in politics, because you’re making decisions for everyone at that point.

Eric: Well, think of it like why Dumbledore backed off from being Minister. He knew that he couldn’t trust that aspect of him. He knew that his views at one point in his own life would have had devastating consequences on a large number of people, and that’s why he never allowed himself to be Minister. Umbridge sees that part of herself, if she has so much self-reflection, and just goes for it. She’s like, “No, I’m right. I’m going to get all the power I can get.”

Micah: Right, but you’d have to ask yourself that question: Why does she choose to go the route of becoming a member of the Ministry in the first place? It’s because her father worked for the Ministry and she saw him as less than in performing a role that she considered to be beneath him and beneath their family, so what is she trying to do? She is then trying to go to the Ministry herself and raise the Umbridge name to a higher level.

Eric: That sounds like a career aspiration to me.

Andrew: Stemming from her childhood.

Micah: But the choice is informed by her childhood.

Eric: Informed, yes, but not because of.

Micah: I think all of this is true, by the way.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Well, of course, but that’s the point of a debate, right? You’re taking very black and white sides of a conversation.

Micah: Well, not always one-sided.

Andrew: I cannot accept that if she was raised well, she would have suddenly transitioned into the evil person that she is today. No way. No way!

Micah: You’d have to find some trauma in her past that would have caused her to behave that way.

Andrew: Yes.

Eric: You do get people who choose to see others as less than. I think overall, bigotry is a learned behavior. Hatred is a learned behavior. Intolerance is a learned behavior. I do think that, but at the same time, there are still those people that are inclined to view themselves with an unhealthy level of superiority, and I think all of this is true. I think that what Umbridge chooses to do in her career feeds into the worst possible part of herself and her superiority complex that drives her to make horrible choices with devastating consequences.

Laura: Well, thanks for participating in this exercise, y’all.

Eric: It’s fun.

Laura: It’s obviously intentionally difficult because one, we’re defending Umbridge, but two, we’re taking two statements that are both true, right?

Andrew: Yes.

Laura: And trying to argue where the most influence came in, when the reality is, it’s both. It’s both.

Andrew: That said, listeners, which side of this debate do you fall on? We’ll have polls up on social media this week, so you can vote one way or the other. We’re @MuggleCast on Twitter and Instagram; I believe that’s where the polls will be, but we’re also @MuggleCast on Facebook and TikTok, so follow us.

Laura: And we definitely had a bank of controversial characters that we didn’t even get to today. So of course, there’s Cornelius Fudge, there’s Ludo Bagman – that’s someone we haven’t talked about a ton – there’s Lavender Brown, Cho Chang, Marietta Edgecombe, Mundungus Fletcher is another really interesting one. So we may revisit some of these in the future, but we would love to hear your thoughts.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah, let’s try to keep that in mind. Don’t worry, other controversial characters. We didn’t forget about you. We’ll get to you one day.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: You didn’t sneak out of this, not yet. Well, if you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can pen an owl and send it to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or use the contact form on MuggleCast.com. To send a voice message, record it using the Voice Memo app on your phone and then email us that file, or use our phone number, 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. However, if sending a Howler, please give us a warning so we can turn our volume down. Thank you in advance.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: I can just see that email now. “This is a Howler.” It’s like, do you think we’re really clicking on that, though?

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Warning. Warning.


Quizzitch


Andrew: All right, it’s time for Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question: Dumbledore’s nose appeared as though it had been broken how many times according to the first chapter of Philosopher’s Stone? The correct answer was at least twice. Correct answers were submitted to us by Bally Who Thunder Plump; The only bort he ever feared; Whiskey da goat; Ginny the G.O.A.T.; Eleanor; Buff Daddy; Vecna’s man bun; Bubotuber Pus; Kate Lyles; The Rouge Niffler, and others. I think it’s supposed to be Rogue Niffler.

Micah: Was that a Stranger Things reference too?

Eric: Yeah, Vecna’s man bun.

Andrew: Think so, yeah.

Micah: There’s a Harry Potter tie there as well.

Eric: There is, with the actor. Congrats to all who submitted the correct answers. Here is next week’s question: Since we talked about Umbridge so much on this episode, which of Umbridge’s educational decrees – what number – barred teachers from giving students any information that was not related to the subjects they were hired to teach? Submit your answer to us over on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or go to MuggleCast.com and click on “Quizzitch” on the nav bar.

Andrew: Fourth of July is coming up here in America, so we will be off next week. We will see you the week after. But if you’re missing us, check out our Wall of Fame for more episodes on MuggleCast.com. And also, check out me on Swish and Flick, another Harry Potter podcast; our friends run that show, and we discussed the history of Dumbledore’s sexuality. Of course, I was there when the author revealed that Dumbledore was gay, so I retold that story, and we discussed everything that’s developed or lack thereof since then. So again, that’s happening over on the Swish and Flick podcast, and we’ll have links up on social media. Again, we’re @MuggleCast on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok. Also, make sure you’re following the show for free in your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode, and leave us a review. And as we mentioned a few times now, don’t forget to support us at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. It’s easy to forget, but it’s the reason why we’re a weekly podcast. So I think that’s about it. Thank you everybody for listening to today’s episode. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everybody.

Laura and Micah: Bye.