Transcript #61

MuggleCast 61 Transcript

New Show Intro

Andrew: Domain names from are up to 70% less than the competition. Plus, each domain includes free hosting with a website builder, a free blog, complete email, and much more. Plus, as a MuggleCast listener, enter code “MUGGLE” when you check out, and save an additional 10% on any order. Some restrictions apply. See site for details. Get your piece of the Internet today, at

Andrew [Show Intro with new music in background]: Because we all got some candy in our bellies, this is MuggleCast Episode 61 for October 31st, 2006 – Halloween edition.

[New music continues]

Andrew: [in a spooky voice] Oooooooh! Welcome to MuggleCast Halloweeeen edition! Ooooooooh! Hey, guys, what’s with this new music?

Ben: It’s sweet.

Jamie: Ooooooh! I like it. I like it very much.

Laura: I like it a lot. I think it’s great stuff.

Andrew: I like it, too.

Jamie: Laura, I like it more than you.

Andrew: I have to try the bass line.

[Ben laughs]

Jamie: Yeah. Hey, Andrew.

Andrew: Yeah?

Jamie: Did you use your half an amp – half a watt amplifier…

[Ben laughs]

Jamie: …to record that? [laughs]

Andrew: [laughs] Yes, yes. I used my small little amp to produce this bass.

Jamie: For all people listening: Andrew, in his room, has an amp that
it literally the size of a sort of cell phone. It’s absolutely tiny.

[Everyone laughs]

Jamie: Well, it’s a bit bigger.

Andrew: A cell phone? All right, I think you’re exaggerating. [laughs]

Jamie: I’m exaggerating very, very slightly. Very slightly.

Ben: What did I say about it? I said something.

Andrew: I don’t know.

Jamie: You said that it was a one-watt amp, which is a bit of a high estimate I think, Ben, really.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: [laughs] Guys, come on. It’s like ten. Give me a break. I’m going to buy a new one.

Jamie: Yeah, exactly.

Andrew: Sorry, it came with the guitar. It’s a practice amp.

Laura: That’s pretty hardcore stuff, Andrew.

Andrew: Anyway, we have a special Halloween show for everyone today,
including some hot gossip on Laura Mallory that’s going to get everyone!

Jamie: Yeah. This is steaming hot gossip.

Andrew: Yeah. Ooo! Ooo! Everyone’s going to be like, “Tehe! Gossip! I love gossip!” We also hope you’re enjoying our new Intro music. [pause while music plays in background] I’ll take that as a, “no.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

[Jamie hums the theme music]

[Music continues playing]

Andrew: I’m Andrew Sims.

Ben: I’m Ben Schoen.

Jamie: I’m Jamie Lawrence.

Laura: I’m Laura Thompson.

Micah: And I’m Micah Tannenbaum.

Andrew: And now over to Micah Tannenbaum for the past week’s top Harry Potter news stories.


[Audio excerpt from Sorcerer’s Stone]: Troll in the dungeon!

Micah: Oh, really? Good thing I’m not working down there today. But the rest of the transcribers are. Well, good luck!

Goblet of Fire has received two nominations: Best Feature Film and Bafta
Kids’ Vote, in this year’s children’s Bafta Awards. The awards ceremony will take place on November 26th in London.

HBO has opened a contest where you could win tickets to the Order of the
Phoenix US premiere next July, including 500 dollars in spending money and
transport plus accommodation. This contest is only open to US residents. To enter, head over to

And while you’re over there be sure to check out for all your HP merchandise needs. With thousands of products to choose from, if you can’t find a Harry Potter product there, either it doesn’t exist, it’s a dumb product idea, or we’re just not allowed to sell it. I’m glad I get paid by the advertisement.

Speaking of, we’re proud to announce that the first-ever book written by MuggleNet
staff is now available for pre-order for only $11.85 through partner
Alivan’s. The book is titled, What will happen in Harry Potter 7? Who lives? Who dies? Who falls in love? And how will the adventure finally end?

Our fully-customizable Order of the Phoenix countdown is now available.
You can change the countdown to your country’s release date. More countries
and dates will be added as they become available.

Speaking of the fifth movie, Empire magazine’s latest edition included a
three-page spread, where director David Yates spoke about the length of the
film. He said: “The book’s huge, but it actually distills quite easily. That said, I’ve shot a movie that’s probably over three hours, so I’ll have to lose 45 minutes in the edit.” Blasphemy! Yates also discusses Imelda Staunton and Evanna Lynch.

Finally, “We Love The Royle Family Sun,” a special program about the The
Royle Family sitcom, aired this past week on BBC 1, and Jo Rowling made a
guest appearance. We have a video available for you online.

That’s all the news for this October 31, 2006, Halloween edition of
MuggleCast – be sure to check out the Halloween layout on – back to the show!

Andrew: All right, thank you, Micah.

Micah: You’re welcome.

News Discussion: Movie Length

Andrew: We’re going to try something new this week. We are going to talk
about the news a little bit because it’s a good way to keep the show a
little fresh week to week, and this way we can have a chance to gossip about [switches to girly voice] the latest Harry Potter stories, guys!

Jamie: Yeah! Yeah!

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: So, one of the big stories this week was a new interview with
David Yates, where he said that there was going to be a good 45 minutes of
film that they shot that is going to have to be cut!

Laura: What?!

Jamie: He was talking specifically about his length, which I always like
it when men talk about length, because, really, you know, you can’t really
talk about a film, review a film if it’s too long or too short. I think you better keep them into certain categories. There’s more that can be packed into a four or five hour film, so it’s impossible to compare it with a one hour film, because it’s completely different. The plot’s different. You can have a beginning, a middle, and an end and then more in a four hour film, whereas you can’t really in a one hour film.

Andrew: Right, right. That could be said about a lot of things.

Jamie: Yeah, definitely.

Andrew: But, I mean, with this – with the movie – why is WB so concerned about keeping it at about a two-and-a-half hour range? Because that really seems…

Ben: It encourages more people to go out and watch it.

Jamie: Yeah, and it’s continuity, as well.

Ben: Parents don’t want to take their kids to a film that’s going to be
over three hours long.

Jamie: Yeah, exactly.

Laura: Yeah. Kids get squirmy.

Ben: Because it’s going to be like, “Oh, geez. There’s no way he’s going to
sit through this,” and, “Oh, geez. I don’t want to put up with him this long.” So… [laughs]

Andrew: I guess, but then look at Titanic. And how long was

Laura: Yeah, but Titanic wasn’t geared – they weren’t trying to
gear that towards children.

Andrew: No, but adults sat through the whole thing.

Laura: Adults, not kids. [laughs]

Ben: Yeah.

Andrew: Well, don’t you think kids would sit through the Harry Potter
film? I thought the concern was the parents would not want to sit through

Laura: No, I think that…

Andrew: Granted, they probably wouldn’t.

Laura: Well, I mean think about it. A five-year-old? I mean…

Jamie: Yeah, exactly.

Andrew: Yeah, that’s… That’s…

Laura: Sitting through a three-and-a-half, four hour movie.

Jamie: And also it’s like when it goes into a four or five hour movie,
it turns into a new thing.

Laura: Mhm.

Jamie: Like the third Lord of the Rings is known for
being a long film. Or, there’s one film, I can’t remember what it is, it’s like, six hours, and then people – it becomes known for being so long instead of as a film.

Ben: Gone With the Wind.

Jamie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Laura: Mhm.

Jamie: For an example, Gone With the Wind is
like, three hours, 50 minutes or something. And then – that isn’t a film; it’s a marathon film.

Laura: Not to mention, the longer the movie is, the more people are
going to expect for it to contain, you know, from the books.

Jamie: Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.

Laura: Little facts that would’ve normally be left out. And we know that
directors, especially – I can’t believe I forgot his name – the Goblet of
director. [laughs]

Andrew: David Yates?

Ben: Oh, Mike Newell.

Andrew: Mike Newell.

Laura: Mike Newell.

Jamie: Oh, Laura, you call yourself a fan?

Laura: It totally slipped my mind, but for instance, you know, he said
that the big theme in this one was the boarding school kind of element to

Jamie: Yeah, yeah.

Laura: So, he took those pieces, and Alfonso Cuaron said that the big theme in Prisoner of Azkaban was Harry…

Jamie: Was shrunken heads.

Micah: Was the Whomping Willow?

Jamie: Yeah.

Laura: [laughs] No! Harry transforming from a child into a teenager. So, they’re just picking out the main story element that they want the movie to focus around.

Jamie: Do you know, I think it’s funny when people like, speak like, “And I do think this movie is incredibly important for the character development and how the plot progresses.” When I watch a film, I just watch it. I don’t think about these things.

Andrew: Right, right. You want entertainment. [laughs]

Jamie: I’ve never… Exactly. I’ve never ever thought about the development of the character as a whole, and their personal struggle against the forces of evil. I just watch it.

Andrew: Yeah. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, But the thing is…

Jamie: Maybe I’m just dumb, yeah?

Laura: …if the character – Jamie, though, if development is good, that makes the movie entertaining.

Jamie: So, back to what David Yates was saying about that he’s recorded a three hour film, so he’s going to have to cut 45 minutes of it, which, for the non-mathematically inclined among you, means that it should be two hour, fifteen minute film.

Ben: Now that’s stupid. Throw in that extra fifteen.

Andrew: Yeah, I think they would go for two-and-a-half. I mean and granted, maybe WB will finally pull the stick out of their butt and say, “Hey, let’s just go for three hours.”

Jamie: Yeah. Three hours would be okay.

Laura: I think they’re going to have to eventually. I mean…

Ben: No, why would they? Why would they?

Andrew: Especially with…

Ben: Order of the Phoenix is the longest book…

Andrew: With the final book?

Jamie: Yeah, but Book Seven, Ben, is going to be huge, and there’s going to be, like, an epilogue at the start…

Laura: Well, I mean, Ben’s right…

Andrew: It’s not going to be the biggest book; she already said that herself.

Laura: Just because it’s not the biggest book doesn’t mean the content wouldn’t take up a lot of screen time.

Andrew: You have to send it off properly.

Jamie: Yeah, exactly.

Andrew: You have to send it off properly. Just imagine the ending.

Ben: Well, no. They’re going to make as many cuts as possible to make it two-and-a-half hours. That’s what I think.

Jamie: Yeah, but if you’re going to sit through a two-and-a-half hour film, wouldn’t you sit through a three hour film? It isn’t like you’re going to…

Ben: Not necessarily. There’s a rating. With anything there’s a standard. For example, with the radio the amount of time is like, three minutes and thirty seconds. That’s like the average length for a radio song. Anything past that is considered too long.

Jamie: Yeah.

Ben: So, even if it’s just four minutes. So, if you have a movie that’s three hours, some people aren’t going to like sitting through that last 30 minutes.

Jamie: Well, I guess. Yeah.

Micah: But I think we all agreed, though, with, Goblet of Fire, it was very fast paced through that entire time.

Laura: Yeah.

Micah: It wasn’t like you felt like you were really sitting there.

Andrew: It was. Especially the opening. They rushed through all that. I mean the Quidditch World Cup mainly. That was the biggest thing, but there were a lot of cuts in that. They were kind of obvious, too.

Laura: Yeah.

Micah: Yeah, I agree with Jamie. I think, what’s the real difference? If you’re there for two-and-a-half hours, who cares if you’re there for 25 more minutes?

Laura: Well, that’s also coming from our point of view. We’re Harry Potter dorks. It’s sad to say, but I don’t think that they’re only thinking about appealing to the book fans; they’re thinking about general audiences, too.

Andrew: They can’t think about the book fans because of…

Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: If you think about just the fans in general, what do they want? A longer movie.

Laura: Yeah, exactly.

Andrew: They’ll sit through, well…

Ben: Well, what’s it about? What’s it about, okay? Is it about pleasing the fans, or is it about boosting the bottom line?

Laura: Or making money?

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. Well, that’s true.

Jamie: It’s about both. It’s a combination of both.

Andrew: It is, but you know WB does not give priority to the fans.

Laura: No, no, of course not. [laughs]

Andrew: Like, you look at Lord of the Rings. There’s extended versions of the movie on the special two disk DVD and you get the whole thing. They really – Peter – or what was the director’s name?

Laura: Peter Jackson.

Ben: Peter Jackson.

Andrew: Peter Jackson. He really did care about the fans.

Jamie: Oh yeah.

Andrew: And that’s why a lot of people did love his work on the films, but then again, there’s a different director for each of these films, and it’s up, really, to WB how much goes in.

News Discussion: Extra Order Scenes on DVD?

Andrew: So, with that said, can we expect to see this all on the DVD? Because that would really be the way to pay the fans back.

Ben: I doubt it.

Laura: No, I don’t think so.

Andrew: Yeah. 45 minutes of content. That’s a lot for extra deleted scenes.

Ben: Well, how much – do we know how much extra footage there was for…

Andrew: Goblet of Fire?

Ben: Yeah, Goblet of Fire or Prisoner of Azkaban?

Andrew: What, 20 minutes worth, maybe?

Laura: I think the DVD that had the most extra footage was the Chamber of Secrets one; there were a lot of extra scenes included on the Chamber of Secrets DVD, but it doesn’t amount to 45 minutes, and none of the other DVDs did.

Jamie: None of them nearly.

Andrew: Yeah. I was pretty happy with the Goblet of Fire DVD. That had a lot of extra bonus features. A lot of behind the scenes stuff.

Ben: But seriously, though. I think I heard somewhere that any extra footage they film that was originally going to go in the movie – they cut out – actually does make it to the DVD.

Prisoner of Azkaban on ABC

Andrew: Hmmm. Okay. In other news, Prisoner of… – I wanted to bring up this story because I really want to know the answer to my question. Prisoner of Azkaban aired on ABC the other day, and you know how some people… Does anyone care? Does anyone watch it? Like, the fans? Because it seems like…

Laura: Well, why? You’ve got the DVD. [laughs]

Jamie: People have it on DVD.

Micah: I actually watched it last night.

Andrew: Really?

Micah: I did.

Andrew: Well, you’re a dork.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: People, some people, I just don’t see, like…

Ben: What about people who can’t afford the DVD?

[Ben and Micah laugh]

Andrew: What? It’s true.

Micah: Well, I tend to watch it more when it’s on HBO just because no commercials and things like that, but a lot of times ABC puts on deleted scenes, and I don’t have any of the DVDs with deleted scenes. So…

Andrew: Oh, okay.

Micah: I’ll watch for that more than anything else.

Andrew: It doesn’t seem like it’s worth posting on MuggleNet because all of the people on the site are hardcore fans, and chances are they watched it a few days prior to when it’s airing anyway.

Jamie: Yeah. Yeah.

Andrew: And, you know, and you look in the comments in the news post and people are like, “Ah, who cares?”

Jamie: Well, exactly. That’s the thing.

Andrew: I don’t know. We should look up the ratings and see what…

Micah: Yeah, that’s a good idea. Last night was a big deal because it was sponsored by Eragon.

Andrew: Oh, was there Eragon stuff? I’m sure is going all out.

Laura: I have a question, and I don’t want to make any of our friends over at Shurtugal angry, but who thinks that the Eragon poster is kind of a big rip-off of the Goblet of Fire one? [laughs]

Andrew: What is it?

Laura: Well, haven’t you seen it?

Andrew: I might have. I forget. Is it just a big “E”?

Laura: No. No, no, no. It’s all of them standing around, and it looks…

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ve seen that.

Laura: It looks exactly like the Goblet of Fire poster.

Andrew: Well, of course. They want all the Harry Potter dorks to come out and see it. It’s “the next great adventure film!” That’s not what they’re calling it, but I’m sure that’s what they’re trying to market it to be.

News Discussion: MuggleNet Book

Andrew: Other than that it was a pretty slow news week, but there was one news item that got posted on MuggleNet and nowhere else, Ben.

Ben: Oh! Which one?

Jamie: Yeah, it’s a book. Have you heard of it? We wrote it a few months ago.

Ben: Oh, yeah. [laughs] That one.

[Andrew laughs]

Ben: Go out and buy it.’s What will happen in Harry Potter 7: Who lives? Who dies? Who falls in love? And how the adventure finally ends. The book is written by myself, Jamie, Emerson, Gretchen, and Andy, so go check it out. I mean, you can preorder it from Alivan’s. The book won’t actually be on shelves in your local Barnes and Noble and/or Borders store until late November or early December, so you can pick up a copy now.

Andrew: Is there some sort of money back guarantee I can get if you guys are way off on your predictions?

Ben: Uhhh…

Jamie: We will, uhhh…

[Ben laughs]

Jamie: Yeah. Just yeah.

Andrew: Yeah? Okay. [laughs]

Ben: But also, something else…

Laura: You might need it. [laughs]

Jamie: Yeah. [laughs]

Order Countdown, Visit MuggleShop, Check out Halloween Layout

Ben: Check out MuggleNet now. Speaking of “Order of the Phoenix,” we added Order of the Phoenix countdown.

Andrew: Wooo!

Jamie: Wee.

Ben: So, go ahead and download that.

Andrew: I’m pumped.

Jamie: And MuggleShop.

Ben: We also have a Halloween layout. And, with the holiday season approaching, you can use’s new Harry Potter store called MuggleShop. It has every Harry Potter item. For each purchase you make, we earn a commission. It goes towards supporting the podcast, the site, everything, so go purchase your Harry Potter related Christmas items there.

MuggleCast T-Shirt Update

Andrew: Speaking of purchasing, if you do want to help support MuggleCast, you can also purchase a MuggleCast t-shirt. We’ve also learned, guys, that we will only be able to sell the MuggleCast t-shirts until January 1st.

Ben: So now is the time to buy.

Andrew: If you’re thinking about it, yeah, now is the time to buy. And we’re not kidding. We have to be finished selling them.

Ben: Sales will be discontinued!

Jamie: Yeah, we aren’t kidding.

Andrew: Also, don’t forget to vote for us on Podcast Alley. We appreciate everyone’s vote over there to keep everyone in the podcast community reminded that we PWN! [Pronounces it ‘pawn’] at life.

Tangent: PWN!

Ben: [Mocking Andrew] PWN? [pronounces it ‘pawn’]

Andrew: And at podcasting. Yes, we PWN. [Pronounces it ‘pawn’] P-w-n?

Laura: That’s not how you say it.

Andrew: Do you not speak Leet?

Ben: It’s PWN, [Pronounces it ‘pone’]

Laura: It’s PWN. [Pronounces it ‘pone’]

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: No, we here in New Jersey say “PWN.” [Pronounces it ‘pawn’]

Ben: It’s PQN. [Pronounces it ‘pone’]

Jamie: No, no, no, you mean just you, Andrew?

Laura: A pawn is a chess piece, Andrew.

Andrew: No crap!

Jamie: We ‘queen and castle’ at everything.

[Everyone laughs]

Ben: No, seriously, you just made another flub, now you’re embarrassed again.

Andrew: No, no, I’m serious. We… No, everyone says “PWN.” [Pronounces it ‘pawn’]

Ben: No they don’t, you’re lying.

Andrew. PWN. [pronounces it ‘pone’] Dork. Whatever.

Ben: I’ve been there. Nobody pronounces it ‘pawn.’

Prophecy 2007

Andrew: Moving on. As we announced last week, we will probably be at Prophecy. We can’t officially announce anything yet. They’ve asked us to not start going at it just yet. But we’ve been getting a lot of emails about it asking if we’re going to be there, and it looks like we will go. Maybe not a live podcast, but we will be there.

Jamie: Aren’t we doing a podcast?

Andrew: Probably. I’m not sure yet. But we can’t guarantee anything yet.

Listener Rebuttal – MuggleCast T-Shirt Update

Andrew: We have a rebuttal for everyone now, and then we’ll get into some fun Halloween discussion on ghosts this week, created by Micah. This rebuttal comes from Miranda of Idaho.

“I wholeheartedly agree with Laura that the Department of Mysteries will play a big role in Book Seven. As a matter of fact [laughs] I think the Department of Mysteries and the Love Room will play a huge role as the setting of the final battle between Harry and Voldemort, with Harry utilizing the power within the room to overcome Voldemort. Even though Harry wasn’t able to open the door in Order of the Phoenix, he has to be one of the few people than could actually enter the Love Room, full of what Dumbledore described as the ‘most beautiful and terrifying power’ because of his mother’s love and his ability to love. It makes sense for the one thing that saved Harry in the first place, love, to once again save him, and it being the first thing that brought Voldemort’s downfall also be his final demise. Truly, the only thing that Voldemort doesn’t understand, obviously, is the ancient magic of love, and since Lily’s unprecedented love for Harry was only enough to save her child and rip Voldemort from his body, it will take even stronger love, such as that in the room, in order to actually kill him. Love the show, and Ben, you’re my favorite.”

Ben: Awww.

Andrew: Clearly this girl is nuts.

[Ben, Micah, and Laura laugh]

Andrew: [laughs]Shut up. Good point brought up by Miranda of Idaho. Very nice.

Laura: Thank you, Miranda.

Micah: I don’t know if I agree with the final battle taking place there, though.

Laura: Well, I don’t if that’ll happen, but…

Andrew: I do think that’s a bit of a stretch.

Laura: But, nut, I think that Harry’s going to be there, for some reason.

Andrew: Mhm.

Micah: You think he’s going to study there, don’t you? That’s your big thing, Laura.

Laura: Yes! I don’t think he’s going to go and like, open up a notebook [laughs] and start taking notes, but…

Micah: But he’s going to go there at some point.

Laura: He’s going to go there, yeah. Of course, he has to.

Where Will Final Battle Take Place?

Andrew: Where do you guys think the final battle will take place?

Ben: Hogwarts.

Laura: Not at Hogwarts! Not at Hogwarts. Oh my god.

Andrew: I think it should.

Laura: No!

Ben: Why not, Laura? Why not?

Laura: Every bad fan fiction I’ve ever read in my whole life, they have the final battle take place at Hogwarts, and then…

Micah: No, no, nit

Laura: First years are out fighting Death Eaters. It’s ridiculous. No.

Micah: I think it should be at Godric’s Hollow.

Andrew: Yeah, oh, that would be good. Yeah.

Azkaban in Order of the Phoenix

Andrew: You guys want a cool Azkaban fact?

Laura: Sure.

Andrew: In the movie Order of Phoenix, it’s on a waterfall cliff. Did we say that at the live podcast?

Ben: No.

Micah: No.

Laura: It is, is it?

Andrew: It’s on a waterfall cliff in the shape of a “V.” No, an “A,” but it looks like a “V.” It’s really cool.

MuggleCasters’ Past Halloween Experiences

Andrew: So, since it is our Halloween show, we’re going have a little talk about Halloween in the past. Right, Jamie?

Jamie: Yeah, we are. We’re going to talk about what we did for Halloween as children or what we do now if we still like trick-or-treating and enjoy it. Let’s do it. Andrew, what did you do?

Andrew: Does anyone still trick-or-treat right now?

Laura: No.

Andrew: Okay.

Micah: I do.

Ben: Micah does.

Andrew: [laughs] Micah. I was just wondering.

Laura: My mom won’t let me.

Andrew: [Laughs and imitates Laura] I can’t be out past eight.

Ben: Out of curiosity, when did you guys stop trick-or-treating? For me it was sixth – fifth grade.

Andrew: Oh, geez. I stopped two or three – no. When was it? Eighth grade, I think I stopped.

Laura: I don’t…

Andrew: I don’t know, I just woke up one morning and was like, “I’m not going trick-or-treating this year. It’s lame.”

[Ben laughs]

Laura: I don’t – I think it was probably eighth grade.

Jamie: How do you guys remember?

Laura: [laughs] It’s kind of sad.

Andrew: Well, we know Micah’s answer.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Jamie, do you still trick-or-treat? Do they even have Halloween over there?

Jamie: No yes they do, but I have a confession to make. I haven’t ever trick-or-treated, ever, in my life. Nor have I dressed up for Halloween.

Andrew: What?

Jamie: I just I’ve just never ever seen the attraction, to be honest, of going out.

Andrew: Even when you were in third grade, you were like, “This isn’t cool?”

Jamie: Oh, yeah, yeah. I was only interested in, sort of, nuclear physics and maths back then. I didn’t…

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: No, seriously. You never dressed up?

Jamie: No, yeah, I just didn’t see the attraction of it. I just thought, you know, in the freezing cold going out and asking for candy, and most people are mean and they don’t give you good candy, they just give you something.

Andrew: How do you know if you’ve never done it? [laughs]

Jamie: Well, yeah, because I have a very pessimistic view of the world, Andrew. Everybody’s mean.

[Everyone laughs]

Jamie: Everyone only cares about themselves. That stuff.

Laura: Do you guys know that they don’t really have Halloween in Australia?

Ben: Hmm.

Andrew: Really?

Laura: Yeah.

Ben: That’s interesting to know.

Jamie: So, yeah. Yeah, just never done it. Maybe I should. Maybe I’ll find it the most thrilling thing in the world, ever. Perhaps.

Micah’s Goofiest Costume

Andrew: I mean, I know I used to. What was the goofiest Halloween costume anyone has dressed up as? How about you, Micah?

Micah: Goofiest was probably in college, dressing up as a Royal Tenenbaums.

Andrew: Oooh, do you have a picture of that?

Micah: I do, actually.

Jamie: Yeah!

Andrew: Any chance we could use it as our album art for this week’s show?

Jamie: For this week?

Micah: Sure.

Jamie: So you can appear on millions of iPods around the world.

Micah: You want to see me dressed up as Gene Hackman.

Andrew: Yeah.

Jamie: Oh, yeah, that’s my biggest fantasy. I dream that every night.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: A white-haired old man.

Andrew’s Goofiest Costume – M&M or Eminem?

Andrew: I would have to say, I was an M&M one year, and that was kind of weird.

Ben: Okay, you were Eminem or an M&M?

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: An M&M, I said.

Jamie: Oh, I thought you said…

Ben: Oh, I thought you said you were Eminem one year.

Andrew: No! [laughs] I said an M&M.

[Laura laughs]

Jamie: That’s why I asked you if you carried a chainsaw around with you.

Andrew: No!

Jamie: Because he carries a chainsaw. I didn’t realize – oh my god, that must have sounded so weird.

Ben: I thought you were a rapper.

Andrew: No, I wasn’t the rapper! Why would I be Eminem the rapper?

[Laura Laughs}

Ben: Because [laughs] that’s an actual Halloween costume!

Jamie: Andrew…

Andrew: It is? I’ve never seen someone dress up as Eminem. [laughs]

Jamie: What did you think I meant when I…

Andrew: Eminem isn’t a costume.

Ben: How old were you when you were an M&M?

Andrew: Third grade. [laughs]

Ben: Oh, I was going to say. If you were any older than that, that would be funny.

Jamie: How old is third grade?

Micah: You realize the avatars now, right? Are going to be Andrew’s head on an M&M.

Laura: [laughs] Yeah.

Andrew: Whatever. If someone does that I’ll just put the picture up of me dressed up as an M&M. I don’t care.

Jamie: How old is third grade?

Andrew: Seven or eight.

Jamie: Andrew, what do you think I meant when I said, “Did you bring a chainsaw with you?”

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: I thought you were joking because it would be a candy M&M and a chainsaw, so it would be kind of funny.

Jamie: Oh my god!

Laura: Yeah, I honestly didn’t get it either yesterday. I was like, what is he talking about?

Jamie: I thought you meant Eminem.

Andrew: Eminem does not carry around a chainsaw!

Jamie: Eminem does though. Eminem.

Andrew: No, he doesn’t!

Jamie: Yes, he does. There’s a picture of him with like, a mask on holding a chainsaw.

Andrew: A picture.

Jamie: Yeah. That means he has done it. Hence, he has done it before. Therefore…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: All right. I guess so.

Jamie’s Negative View of Halloween

Micah: Jamie, do you still plan to steal candy?

Jamie: Yes, I’m not going to be nice to anyone. I think my pessimistic view of the world is true, that everyone’s mean. I’m not going to completely disappoint myself. I’m going to be mean as well.

[Ben laughs]

Jamie: I’m going to steal everything. I’m going to dropkick pumpkins. I’m going to – I’m going to take off costumes and throw them in the garbage can.

Main Discussion: Ghosts at Hogwarts

Andrew: So, continuing with our cute little Halloween theme here, we’re going to ghosts at Hogwarts because there are quite a few of them and we’ve never really talked about them much at all. We’ve talked about Peeves once or twice, we’ve probably had a little discussion about Nearly Headless Nick and Moaning Myrtle, but never really had a full discussion on all the ghosts. Isn’t that right, Micah?

House Ghosts

Micah: That is right, Andrew. Ghosts at Hogwarts. You know, each House has a ghost, so what characteristics do you guys think that a House ghost has that links them to a particular House?

Laura: I think it was…

Micah: Based on what we’ve seen.

Laura: …the house they were in when they went to school.

Andrew: Is that always the house that they were…

Jamie: I think it probably is.

Andrew: …that they represent?

Laura: Well, why would… Okay, if Nearly Headless Nick were a Ravenclaw, why would he be the Gryffindor ghost?

Andrew: What I, I… Yeah.

Laura: That makes no sense.

Jamie: That is very true. [laughs] So, yeah.

Laura: I think The Bloody Baron was a Hufflepuff, in that case.

Jamie: Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: No, so Nearly Headless Nick was a…

Ben: Obviously.

Andrew: …brave young lad.

Micah: Yep.

Andrew: That’s – that could explain why he is nearly headless, folks.

[Laura laughs]

Jamie: And the Fat Friar was…

Andrew: Maybe Harry’s going the same way.

Becoming a House Ghost

Micah: How do they become House ghosts? Is there a selection process?

Jamie: Yeah, you apply.

[Ben laughs]

Jamie: Fill in a form and send it off, and then…

Ben: No, see, I hate these…

Laura: No, I don’t think so.

Ben: …questions that you can’t even answer.

Jamie: Yeah.

Ben: I mean, there’s like [laughs] it’s all just conjecture, there’s nothing to back it up.

Jamie: The entire show’s conjecture. Jo’s going to answer it in Book Seven, so we should…

Andrew: How do you know?

Jamie: Because she said she will.

Ben: Did she?

Andrew: Oh.

Jamie: Yeah, she did. She said, “There will be more information on why people become ghosts, and why they choose that path.” Because as Nearly Headless Nick says in Book Five…

Ben: But not why they become House ghosts.

Jamie: No, but ghosts in general.

Ben: That’s different.

Jamie: Ghosts in general.

Ben: Oh.

Andrew: Maybe they become house ghosts because they do some sort of service to the school…

Jamie: Yes, that could be it.

Andrew: …that the headmaster wanted to recognize.

Laura: Maybe because they chose to stay at the school. [laughs]

Andrew: Well, right, but if…

Laura: So, if they’re going to stay at the school, then…

Andrew: No, but if I want to turn into a ghost… If I want to be a ghost and I want to stay at the school, that automatically makes me a House ghost? We’re talking about the House ghosts here, just the one. [clears throat]

Laura: Okay, well if they have to do some kind of special service, I doubt The Bloody Baron is exactly considered a…

Ben: No.

Andrew: You don’t, you don’t know that.

Laura: …genuinely nice guy. [laughs]

Ben: Tom Riddle. Tom Riddle did a special service to the school.

Jamie: Yeah, but it’s not everyone who does a special service. It’s just..> Do you think… See, I was planning on saying, “Do you think, when the House ghost dies, he gets replaced by another one?” But can they retire or not?

[Ben, Micah and Laura laugh]

Jamie: Can they say, “Well, screw this. I don’t want to do this anymore,” and then go, or are they tied down…

Laura: No, they…

Jamie: …by a contract?

Laura: I don’t think they can.

Andrew: Well, what else, what else, Laura, do you think could possibly…

Laura: Could possibly what?

Andrew: You know, what lets them become a House ghost? There’s only one per House. That was…

Laura: Well…

Andrew: …the point.

Laura: I just…

Andrew: And then they – they’re probably there forever.

Laura: Yeah, but…

Andrew: I would think.

Laura: …I don’t think they’re specified as “the House ghost.” I think that’s just how they’re known to the students. There’s probably more than one ghost per House.

Jamie: I doubt… There are loads of ghosts…

Laura: It’s just the ones we see.

Jamie: Yeah, but, but that’s – actually, that’s a point, Andrew, you know.

Dumbledore’s Control Over Ghosts

Laura: It’s not like – it’s not like Dumbledore runs around saying, “They’re your ghost prefects,” or whatever, they’re just ghosts that happen to live in the houses.

Andrew: I guess so.

Jamie: Yeah, yeah. It’s like, there have got to be more than five, six ghosts in the entire school that just float.

Andrew: But even so, wanting to stay at Hogwarts, that has to be…

Jamie: Yeah.

Andrew: …a decision that’s up to the headmaster. I mean, I would think you would really had to have been a great student…

Micah: Yeah.

Jamie: Yeah.

Andrew: …at the school, in order, you know, for Dumbledore or whoever to say, “You can stay in my school.”

Laura: Is it up to Dumbledore, though? Do you really think he has that much control over…

Andrew: Well…

Laura: …the school?

Andrew: …the current, current headmaster?

Laura: Peeves is in the school, and it doesn’t seem like it’s too easy to get rid of him.

Jamie: No, no.

Ben: Well, that’s because Dumbledore wants him around.

Jamie: Exactly. There’s a reason.

Laura: No, I think…

Ben: No, no, no. Dumbledore won’t oust him. They’ve said that before.

Jamie: Of course, that’s true, yeah.

Laura: I know, but I mean, I don’t think that Dumbledore can say – tell a ghost to get out of his school.

Jamie: Of course he can! He’s so powerful, it’s ridiculous.

Ben: Yes, he could.

Laura: Well, he…

Andrew: He could.

Laura: He can say it, but he can’t make it happen.

Jamie: Of course he can! He can… Laura, he can do anything. He can do absolutely anything.

Laura: I’m not saying I know it for sure. I’m saying, yeah, he can do absolutely everything except stop himself from getting killed.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Ben: Ohhh!

Jamie: But he wanted to die, so it’s fine.

Nearly Headless Nick

Micah: Looking at some of the House ghosts, specifically, Nearly Headless Nick, Gryffindor, he died on Halloween, October 31, 1492, and this is something interesting I found out and I didn’t know this, but his day that he died is actually the basis for the entire timeline in the Harry Potter series. Did you guys know that?

Ben: What do you mean?

Jamie: He means that 19 – 1492 is, is when he died, okay? And in – and he celebrates his 500th death, death day in Chamber of Secrets at Halloween, which means that Chamber of Secrets takes place in 1992. Which also means that Philosopher’s Stone

Andrew: Oooh.

Jamie: …took place in 1991, and Harry’s parents were attacked by Voldemort in 1981, and that forms the basis for the entire timeline of the films. Sorry, of the books.

Ben: Hey, I’m not a big fan of…

Andrew: I see.

Ben: …doing that.

Andrew: The timeline thing?

Ben: Yeah, if it makes any sense.

Andrew: Yeah. Some people put a lot of speculation on, like, the timelines. Like there’s a lot of – there’s that one theory about the missing day in between when Harry’s parents were killed and when Dumbledore took Harry to the Dursley’s.

Laura: Well, timeline, timeline or not, I – that day was missing. I mean, if you think about it, the Potters were killed Halloween night, and Harry didn’t show up at the Dursley’s until the next night.

Andrew: I mean, that could just be that he had him at Hogwarts for a day to figure out what the heck they were going to do with Harry.

Laura: But, but Dumbledore didn’t take Harry, Hagrid did.

Andrew: I don’t think they have to make a big deal out of it. All right, so Hagrid took him back to the school, and then Dumbledore, you know, tried to figure out what to do. I mean, that’s a big decision; where you’re going to leave that kid, and…

Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: …didn’t Dumbledore say that he was trying to get in contact with relatives, and that’s the only one he could find?

Laura: I don’t think so. I think that they knew that those were his only living relatives, but…

Andrew: Yeah, well, I mean…

Laura: And it’s not like he exactly warned them before he left Harry on their doorstep. [laughs]

Andrew: Right, yeah. I mean, so that’s a big decision. I think people need to stop going crazy over that. [in a mock worried voice] “Oh, what’s happening in the one day? It’s all wrong.” It just doesn’t…

Laura: I don’t think it’s wrong.

Andrew: There’s plenty of explanation.

Laura: I think that if there’s an extra day in there for a reason, it’s not anything she did wrong. [laughs]

Andrew: Well…

Laura: It’s something else that…

Andrew: Well, that’s what I mean. I mean, people are like, “Explain it.” But there’s no explanation.

Laura: Yeah. I don’t think it’s a screw up, essentially.

Andrew: I don’t think so either.

Nick and Harry Discuss Sirius

Micah: Well, Halloween does seem to play a big role in the series in all the different books, for the most part. Do we want to talk a little bit about some of the other events that have occurred?

Jamie: Why don’t we…why don’t we just…

Andrew: Sure.

Laura: Sure.

Jamie: …finish talking about Nearly Headless Nick.

Andrew: Nearly Headless… Yeah.

Jamie: …and talking about when Harry went to speak to him at the end of Order of the Phoenix. What do we think of that, if we can remember? He went to ask him if Sirius could come back, and, well, one of the things that happened was he asked him if Sirius could come back and he said, “He will not choose that path,” and Harry said, “Why? Of course he will. He wants to see me again. Of course he will,” and then he said, “No, he won’t,” which makes me think that perhaps there’s a huge price to pay when you choose to become a ghost. If it means you can come back, there’s got to be something else you can’t do. You know? Like, love or something like that, maybe, and that’s why Sirius…

Ben: Eat. [laughs]

Jamie: …won’t come back. [laughs] Yeah, eat, that’s the big thing.

[Andrew, Ben, and Micah laugh]

Jamie: So, yeah.

Andrew: Maybe he just, maybe he just wouldn’t want to see Harry…

Jamie: Through the eyes of a ghost?

Andrew: Yeah, like, the relationship would never be the same, I don’t think.

Ben: Well, maybe…

Andrew: It’s not like…

Ben: Maybe it has something to do with like, once you become a ghost, you can never, like, you’re always going to exist, you know what I mean?

Laura: Well…

Ben: Like, that makes sense for that to be a sacrifice.

Laura: Well, that’s pretty much what Nick said. He said that it was just kind of a pale existence, that it was basically mimicking the existence they once had. They just sort of got to watch from the sidelines.

Jamie: Yeah.

Laura: If you get what I’m saying?

Jamie: Yeah. No, yeah, I think that’s true.

Micah: Also, you limit – and let’s not react in a bad way to this – you limit the physical interaction there can be, and I don’t think that Sirius…

Laura: Well, yeah…

Ben: Can ghosts interact with other ghosts?

Jamie: Yeah, yeah. They…Peeves…

Laura: [laughs] They do all the time.

Jamie: Yeah.

Ben: No, I mean like physically.

Jamie: Yep.

[Everyone laughs]

Ben: In their own physical sense.

Andrew: Like shake hands?

Ben: Yeah, or can they touch each other? Not in a bad way.

[Jamie laughs]

Ben: But like, you know what I’m talking about how like Nearly Headless Nick – this may be a movie thing – but his head falls off and then he reaches up and he pulls it back.

Laura: Well, of course he can…

Andrew: Well, he’s got to be able to…

Laura: …you can touch yourself.

Andrew: Well, I guess if you can touch yourself and you’re a ghost…

Laura: Yeah.

Jamie: Yeah.

Andrew: …then you can probably touch other ghosts.

The Bloody Baron

Micah: All right, the Bloody Baron. How do you guys think the Bloody Baron died?

Jamie: [laughs] He got hacked to pieces, considering all the blood on him.

Laura: Yeah. [laughs] That’s what I was going to say.

Jamie: Or he slipped over a blood factory and banged his head on the ground and died and then that’s why all the…

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Well, whose or what’s blood do you guys think is on him? It’s described as being “silvery.” Do you think it belongs to unicorns?

Jamie: Yeah but he…unicorns…

Laura: I think it’s silvery just because he’s a ghost.

Jamie: Yeah.

Laura: I mean, they’re white and transparent, I think the blood is just silvery because of the composition of a ghost’s body.

Micah: All right, Laura, so how can he keep Peeves under control?

Jamie: Because he’s scary as *bleep*.

Laura: Yeah, obviously there’s something about him that scares Peeves.

Micah: Just like Dumbledore.

Laura: Yeah.

Micah: Meaning Dumbledore can also keep… Well, then what do you think it is about him that scares him?

Andrew: Yeah, what can the Bloody Baron do to Peeves?

Jamie: No, he can, I mean, if it goes back to what we were talking about how ghosts can touch, then clearly, it could be something physical he can do to Peeves.

The Fat Friar

Micah: So, the Fat Friar. How do you guys think he died?

Jamie: He doesn’t seem particularly interesting, the Fat Friar, does he? He just…

Andrew: No.

Laura: No.

Jamie: He, yeah, but as it says here. Sorry, I mean, what I mean is, I have a point. He tries to get Peeves invited to the opening feast in Sorcerer’s Stone and so he seems to be extremely forgiving and he doesn’t care. He’s just happy-go-lucky. Why is he like that? Do you think it represents the house?

Laura: Well, he’s a Hufflepuff.

Jamie: Well, yeah.

Laura: Yeah.

Jamie: What? So, [laughs] yeah.

Andrew: Yeah, it sounds like he represents the house.

Ben: Maybe he was too trusting in his life and that’s why he got killed.

Jamie: In his previous life. A bit like Dumbledore.

Andrew: Oh, yeah. Good speculation, Ben.

Micah: So you’re saying Dumbledore’s a Hufflepuff?

Andrew: No. [laughs]

The Grey Lady

Micah: All right, the final house ghost, the Grey Lady from Ravenclaw. We really don’t know a whole lot about her. We don’t really see her that much in the books, but Jamie maybe you know something about this, there are various Grey Lady ghost stories that exist in London. Is that true?

Jamie: Ummm, I have heard a few, yeah. Lady Jane Grey was the great-granddaughter of Henry VII and she reigned as Queen, but she was actually uncrowned and she only reigned for nine days, which, you know, is absolutely nothing. And then I think she was beheaded at the Tower of London. So, yeah, that’s why her ghost is reported to haunt it. But, she’s supposed to haunt other castles as well in different places – haunted places. So, I mean, is there anything there? Like, maybe the Grey Lady was only at Hogwarts for nine days and then she got killed?

Andrew: Yeah, I was going to say maybe… Yeah. [laughs]

Jamie: A bit unlike…

Andrew: Maybe Dumbledore felt bad for her, so he was like, “Come be a house ghost.”

Jamie: Yeah, yeah, well, don’t worry you can become a House ghost.

Ben: How about Professor Binns? How did he…

Andrew: Can we stay on top of Grey Lady for a second?

Jamie: Yeah, Ben, yeah, Ben.

Andrew: Not literally on top of her, I mean…

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Yeah.

Jamie: We’d just fall through and hit the ground.

Micah: So, it’s possible that Jo took the name from there?

Jamie: Oh, I’m sure she did. Yeah.

Laura: Yeah, there’s really no doubt behind that.

Andrew: That would probably the most reasonable explanation for…

Jamie: Yeah, but she’s a very mysterious ghost. I think we hear once that she was floating by or something like that but we didn’t hear anything about her. Perhaps we’ll find something new in Book Seven?

Micah: I think she’s in Half-Blood Prince, if I remember. They said some ghost went by as Harry was talking to Hagrid about overhearing the conversation between Snape and Dumbledore.

Andrew: Oh.

Micah: She seems to be around at kind of interesting times because they said in the movie for Chamber of Secrets and I don’t know if this was in the books too. It was a scene that was cut out where – it’s the first time that Harry goes to open Tom Riddle’s diary.

Andrew: Yeah?

Micah: And he tells the Grey Lady to get lost.

Jamie: No, he doesn’t, does he?

Andrew: Oh?

Jamie: Really?

Andrew: It’s a deleted scene.

Laura: Yeah.

Jamie: Oh, sorry. It’s a deleted scene, I see. Sorry.

Micah: But, I don’t know.

Andrew: Why would they cut that? What was in replace of it? Just without the Grey Lady going behind him?

Micah: Yeah, I think so.

Andrew: Do you think Jo could have any involvement in that or they just realized maybe it served no purpose?

Jamie: Oh, she could have had, yeah. If it’s like…

Laura: She could have, but, I mean, I think it was…

Andrew: How do we know it’s the Grey Lady?

Laura: Yeah, I mean, I just think it was another cut they were…


Micah: So, going back to Peeves, why do you guys think he’s allowed to stay at Hogwarts? Why does Dumbledore let him?

Andrew: I think that’s just Dumbledore’s got a soft spot in his heart.

Laura: Yeah, I think Dumbledore is kind of amused by him, to be honest.

Ben: I think there’s some other reason. I don’t know what, but there’s some other reason.

Andrew: Why? Kicking him out would just be mean and that’s not like Dumbledore.

Micah: But, he’s also a poltergeist. He’s not an actual ghost.

Ben: What’s the difference?

Jamie: One’s mean.

Laura: Poltergeists were never alive.

Micah: Well, actually…

Jamie: Oh, is that true?

Laura: Yeah, poltergeists are pure energy, it’s what they are. I mean, poltergeists are actually considered to be real things. Not like the ones you see in the movies, but, especially like young teenagers, like 13 or 14-year old girls exhibit so much electrical energy that they can actually make stuff fall over when they’re really angry.

Jamie: Ahhh.

Laura: And that’s considered a poltergeist.

Ben: Let’s see…

Laura: So, it’s actually, it’s kind of a manifestation of a residence, I think.

Ben: Hold on. Hold on, noisy ghosts…

Micah: It says it’s a jerk. And a noisy ghost… Yeah.

Ben: Poltergeists are invisible masses of spirit or energy that may or may not be connected to a living human agent. Some of the most common poltergeist activities include loud, unexplained noise, levitation, the moving of objects, and electrical problems. It’s from Google.

Andrew: Okay, so there’s no stopping Peeves, so it’s not like Dumbledore can be mad at him for doing what he’s doing.

Jamie: No, I’m sure that Dumbledore could get him out if he wanted to, though. There’s no way he couldn’t find a way. Well, he couldn’t now, he’s dead.

Laura: I think Peeves probably came with Hogwarts, kind of like the way…

Jamie: Maybe it’s Slytherin.

Laura: …house elves come with houses.

Andrew: Hmmm.

Jamie: Could be.

Ben: I don’t know.

Jamie: No, I was just going to say, Laura can’t be right because Hogwarts predates Nearly Headless Nick, so the ghosts of the thing obviously came afterwards.

Laura: But poltergeists aren’t ghosts of people. [laughs] That’s the thing.

Jamie: Yeah, I know.

Ben: They can be though.

Jamie: But, Ben’s just…

Laura: No, no, no, no, no. The definition you read said that it can be connected to a person, meaning it can be caused by a person.

Jamie: But…

Laura: Not that it’s a person’s spirit.

Ben: Right. But it’s the same thing, it means “noisy ghost.”

Laura: No, it’s not.

Professor Binns

Micah: All right, wrapping up the ghost discussion – Professor Binns. He didn’t even notice that he was dead, he just got up from teaching one day and kept on teaching.

Jamie: He must have realized when he tried to sort of put a sausage roll in his mouth and it just fell down and hit the ground.

[Micah laughs]

Jamie: He must know he’s dead now. He’d have to be gormless, very gormless.

Micah: Maybe not.

Ben: So he just fell asleep by the fireplace? Isn’t that what happened?

Jamie: And died and then…

Laura: Yeah.

Jamie: …got up, so he must have had unfinished business as well. But you know, is to impart knowledge of goblins into the minds of young, eager students.

Ben: What did he die from? Do you know?

Laura: Old age, I think. I don’t think it was terribly specific.

Jamie: No.

Andrew: He fell into it.

Jamie: Yeah [laughs]

Micah: And this question [laughs], it’s kind of far out there but he taught Tom Riddle. Do you think he can provide any useful information for Harry?

Laura: I think that was what Slughorn was for.

Micah: Yeah, I agree with that.

Jamie: Yeah, that’s true.

Micah: Well, what’s left?

Andrew: I mean, well, he could tell Harry about Tom Riddle. Is that…

Laura: I don’t think so though.

Andrew: …what the question was about?

Laura: Because, you see, he doesn’t pay that much attention to the students anyway.

Andrew: It doesn’t matter, I mean, well…

Laura: He keeps calling Harry “Mr. Perkins” or something…

Jamie: But Laura, he…

Laura: …he doesn’t even call him by his last name.

Jamie: Yeah, but he knows a lot about the Chamber of Secrets. So if he knows about that, he clearly know stuff about Hogwarts’ folklore legend and stuff, although of course, he said it didn’t exist which was incorrect; wrong.

Andrew: I mean. And plus, it was a really long time ago that he taught Tom, so he could possibly, I don’t know. You would know something about your students, like he’s got to know about Harry. After teaching him, he’s got to gather some information about him. Like maybe he knows a weakness or something.

Laura: I guess.

Andrew: I don’t know, you never know, there could be a whole back-story to it.

Laura: Maybe, I just think that the purpose that Slughorn served was to provide insight on Tom Riddle as a student at Hogwarts. I think that’s already been taken care of.

Jamie: Mhm, agreed.

Andrew: Yep, all right, that concludes our discussion on some ghosts at Hogwarts. Was it spooky?

[Laughs comically with Ben].

Listener Rebuttal – Ron and the Brains

Andrew: Before we get into our little Halloween debate, first, we have a rebuttal from Mark from Northern Ireland, age 29. He writes:

“With regards to the idea that Ron may have suffered lasting effects as a result of his attack by a brain. You should remember the quote by Dumbledore where Dumbledore does say:

‘Well, Harry’ said Dumbledore, finally turning away from the baby bird, ‘you will be pleased to hear that none of your fellow students are going to suffer lasting damage from the night’s events’.

Dumbledore made it clear to Harry that none of his friends, including Ron, will suffer no lasting damage, although J.K.R. briefly reminds us about lingering scars on Ron’s arm in Half-Blood Prince. In the chapter “Hermione’s Helping Hand,” there is a passage that reads:

‘You can still see the marks where that awful woman made you write with your own blood, but you stuck to your own story anyway.’

She says to Harry. And then Ron says:

‘You can still see where those brains got a hold on me in the Ministry of Magic, look,’ said Ron shaking back his sleeves.’

‘And it doesn’t hurt that you’ve grown about a foot over the summer either,’ Hermione finished.”

[laughs] Hermione, you’re so funny. So, what do you guys think? I mean, this is interesting because, on the one hand, Dumbledore is saying that there is no lasting damage, but what is he talking about? Physically or mentally?

Jamie: Exactly. I think that Dumbledore would think that, you know, physical damage is absolutely nothing. The complete opposite of what Voldemort would think, who would think that physical damage is terrible…

Micah: Right.

Laura: Mhm.

Jamie: You know. I think that Dumbledore would always consider there’s no lasting mental damage, but he might have a few scars, which is nothing to what Dumbledore would, you know.

Andrew: Right. That’s a good way to look at it.

Laura: I think that it can go either way honestly.

Debate: Halloween

Andrew: Yeah. Moving on to our debate now. Today’s debate topic is: Trick-or-Treating is a morally vapid delinquent activity that exploits the fear of human beings into giving material gifts. Jamie and I are affirming and Micah and Laura are denying, and Ben will make his decision at the end. Jamie, you got two minutes. Go!

Jamie: Okay, while Trick-or-Treating is extremely, you know, important to children and they think it’s quite a bit of fun, it really is very, very morally vapid. And, you know, it’s delinquent activity because people think that dressing up in costumes is fun, it’s scary, but they don’t realize the implications of what they’re doing. You just imagine, you’re 85-years old sitting at home and somebody knocks on your door.

[Ben laughs]

Jamie: You think, “It’s got to be a visitor,” because at that age, you’ve lived in a different generation, and you think that everyone, you know, is being nice. When you open the door, you don’t realize that it’s a joking child. You see a person with a knife and automatically, you think, you know, this could be very bad. It’s dangerous or bad things can happen. The only good thing that can come out of it is free candy, and things that are free aren’t really free. So…

[Laura laughs]

Jamie: …when a child takes that free bit of candy, he thinks it’s free, but really, it could cost a dear, dear old person their, you know…

Ben: Dignity.

Jamie: …enjoyment for that evening. Yeah, their dignity. It could’ve hurt them, you know, mentally to open the door and see somebody there. Also, getting things for free…

Ben: One minute, Andrew.

Jamie: Okay, go, Andrew.

Andrew: Not only that, you will be footing a bill for getting all those cavities taken out of your teeth.

Jamie: Yeah.

Andrew: Because you eat so much candy that night that you won’t have teeth. Not only that, I agree with Jamie; it is dangerous. My T.V. tech teacher told me a story once where his friend would put staples [laughs] into the candy and give it to kids

Jamie: Yeah. Loads of children have died.

Andrew: And these kids would eat it and then hurt themselves really bad because you’re chewing on staples. [laughs] No, wait, were they staples? Or were they nails? Oh, no, they were thumbtacks [laughs] inside the candy and it’s just terrible. It’s very dangerous. You never know what’s going into your candy.

Jamie: Yeah, also, also, things that are free aren’t automatically good. You shouldn’t get things free now-a-days. You should buy your candy. You should work hard, manual labor, buy your candy, that’s the way the world goes around. Go!

Ben: Okay, that concludes [laughs] the affirmative.

[Andrew giggles]

Laura and Micah…

Andrew: We won.

Ben: …tell me, tell me, why is Trick-or-Treating not morally vapid?

Laura: Well, I think first of all, if you want to say that it’s bad to get things for free, then you need to get rid of Christmas, not Halloween.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: And like any other holiday, it’s just something for people to look forward to. It’s Jo’s favorite holiday; I don’t think she’d endorse something that was morally vapid. It’s a celebration passed down, which originally was honored the dead. Which, you know, isn’t a bad thing. And saying that Halloween causes delinquency is like saying…

[Andrew and Micah laughs]

Laura: …that Harry Potter creates Satanism. So, you’re wrong.

Ben: Mic-er?

Micah: I mean, Halloween brings about a sense of community too, you’re going around and you’re interacting with your neighbors…

Laura: Yeah.

Micah: You know? if you’re getting something free out of it, I don’t see how that’s wrong, and dressing up.

Laura: And see, I don’t know about you, Andrew, but my parents always checked my candy [laughs] to make sure no one put anything in it, maybe…

Micah: And honestly…

Laura: …maybe nobody did that for you.

Andrew: Is it open now?

Micah: That’s sort of…

Jamie: No, not yet.

Micah: …morally vapid on the sense on the person providing the candy, not the kids going out and Trick-or-Treating.

Laura: Exactly.

Jamie: Okay, okay, a community, you say, Laura you say that in… Sorry, Micah, you said that it encourages…

Micah: Yeah, because I sound like Laura.

[Everyone laughs]

Jamie: …a community. How does it encourage community? I’ve never, ever seen dressing up as scary figures encouraging, you know, friendship and stuff like that. Laura, you said…

Laura: Well, Jamie, you wouldn’t…

Jamie: You said… Laura, Laura, Laura…

Laura: …know. You’ve never gone Trick-or-Treating.

Jamie: …Laura, Laura, Trick-or-Treating…

Andrew: I second Jamie’s motion…

Jamie: …teaches people to interrupt…

Andrew: …as an experienced Trick-or-Treater.

Jamie: Yeah, there you go, see? And also, you said that the proper holiday was, you know, brought down from All Hallows Eve, celebrating the dead. I fail to see how going out, engaging in juvenile delinquent and immature activity…

Laura: Okay, people…

Jamie: …encourages a proper holiday.

Laura: Jamie, people are going to participate in delinquent activity whether there’s Halloween or not.

Jamie: No, it’s… They should be at home reading a book.

[Laura laughs]

Jamie: They should be, I don’t know how it increases… It just teaches people that they can get things for free by scaring people.

Laura: So does Christmas and Easter and…

Jamie: Yes, it does.

Laura: …every other holiday.

Jamie: It’s all commercialized.

Andrew: It’s the season of giving.

Jamie: Yeah.

Andrew: This is not the season of giving. We’re not there yet.

[Ben laughs]

Jamie: They should be…

Micah: Jamie, just because you got egged and toilet papered as a kid doesn’t mean that you have to hate Halloween.

[Laura laughs]

Jamie: Okay.

Andrew: I’ve got one word for you all. In the words of Steve Irwin [does Steve impression] “Danger!” It’s dangerous, it’s very dangerous.

Jamie: All the bad things that can happen do not outweigh – sorry, do outweigh all the good things that could happen.

Andrew: You could hurt yourself.

Jamie: It’s just, there are so many things that could go wrong with it. The parents are letting children – and it’s normally children, of course, who go trick or treating. They are letting them out of their sight. In today’s world, you don’t know who is out there.

Micah: They walk around with them! What are you talking about!

Laura: [laughs] Yeah.

Jamie: They could knock on somebody’s door, a very dangerous door, and open it and they could be – there could be people there who…

Laura: Okay, that is not the responsibility of the holiday, that’s the responsibility of the parent.

Jamie: You’re absolutely… Laura, You’re absolutely right.

[Laura laughs]

Jamie: They can go trick or treating and get taken in by a [pronounces it “pee-do-file”] pedophile…

[Micah laughs]

Jamie: And bad things can happen. But it’s fine because All Hollow’s Eve is celebration of the dead. Is it right to encourage it and increase it by [laughs] this? It’s just, it’s just dangerous, it’s a dangerous activity. Everyone will still have fun without it. Children – there are other ways to have fun than going out, on your own or with parents because some people do it on their own, and knocking on doors and getting free candy. It’s…

Micah: It’s one day out of the year, though!

Jamie: There are economic reasons, educational reasons, social reasons.

Laura: What are the economic reasons, Jamie?

[Ben, Andrew, Laura and Jamie laugh]

Laura: What are the economic reasons?

Jamie: The people should be taught the value of money, Laura.

Micah: I’m sure Hershey and Nestle and all those companies don’t have any problem with the economic reasons.

Jamie: You cannot get things free by scaring people. That is not what you should be taught when you are young.

[Ben laughs]

Laura: You don’t scare people! People open up the door and gush about how cute the little kids are in front of them.

[Ben and Andrew laugh]

Jamie: Yeah, because people dressed as Grim Reapers with blood pouring down them. Oh, lovely! I think they’re cute.

[Everyone laughs]

Ben: Okay, Andrew…

[Andrew laughs]

Ben: Laura – Laura and Micah. You have one minute to tell me why you should win.

Laura: I think that… I mean, there’s no question. It’s a holiday that creates community. If you want to say get rid of Halloween, then you have to say get rid of Christmas, because there are tons of dangers that can come up with Christmas. I mean, come on, you’ve got a fat guy coming down your chimney. [laughs]

Micah: [laughs] If that’s not a pedophile, I don’t know what is.

[Everyone laughs]

Ben: Anything else?

Jamie: That is a good argument so far.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: And it’s a holiday. You’re not getting rid of it, you’re not going to change it no matter what happens.

Laura: Yeah, and like I said, you can’t say that Halloween causes people to run out and be delinquents. People are delinquents everyday. [laughs]

Jamie: Okay, can we go now, Ben?

Laura: It’s just an excuse.

Ben: Five seconds.

Jamie: It’s been about five minutes.

Ben: Two, one. Okay, Andrew and Jamie, why, why?

Jamie: Okay. Laura, you have changed this completely saying that we should get rid of the holiday. We shouldn’t get rid of the holiday, the holiday is a celebration of the dead. People should use Halloween to remember love ones past, not go around.

Andrew: Yeah!

Jamie: When you think of Halloween, you think of Trick-or Treating. You think of getting material gain. Material gain is a bad thing, okay.

Andrew: Yeah!

[Ben laughs]

Jamie: But we should be celebrating our –

Micah: So, you don’t want those Lucky Charms?

Laura: Okay, so…

Ben: No, no, no, no! You guys can’t interrupt! You guys can’t interrupt.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Yeah! [laughs]

Ben: Shut up, you can’t interrupt. They didn’t interrupt you, so shut up.

Jamie: It is important to remember the true meaning of holidays. Christmas: the birth of Jesus Christ; Halloween: remembering the dead. We shouldn’t commercialize things. Yes, we have commercialized all these holidays, we shouldn’t do it though. Halloween we should go back and go back to its roots. Remember the dead. Trick-or-Treating is dangerous – it can be very dangerous. It teaches people the wrong things. It encourages them to egg houses – that is not good in today’s world. You can’t go around doing that, but it teaches them that it’s fine because it’s a joke. But it’s not a joke. They then think it’s funny to do it. They do it at other times, it turns into bricks.

Andrew: Yeah.

[Ben laughs]

Jamie: They cause complete stuff – bad things to property. It is not a good idea.

Ben: Okay, okay. That’s it.

Andrew: Hey, let me… I have one last thing. It’s not Trick-or-Treat: it’s trick or DIE!

[Ben laughs]

Jamie: I agree.

Andrew: Thank you.

Ben: Something that was funny about that entire time was the only input Andrew added was [does impression of Andrew] “Yeah”.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: I know.

Jamie: That was an awesome ending, Andrew. I liked that.

Andrew: Thanks.

Ben: Okay, I’m going to have to vote with Andrew and Jamie.

[Andrew, Ben, and Jamie laugh]

Jamie: Yeah.

Ben: And here’s why. Here’s why, it’s because…

Laura: Here is why: because Ben has a pattern of not voting for the team that Laura is on. I’ve noticed this.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Ben: No.

[Andrew laughs]

Ben: Not true, not true. I beat you. I debated against you and beat you once. Anyways – no. Here is why, here’s why. Laura and Micah were focusing on saying, “Well, the holiday is not going to be eliminated anyway and it creates community.” But when you look to what we were debating over is that: “Trick-or-Treating is a morally vapid delinquent activity that exploits the fear of human beings into giving material gifts,” and that is what Andrew and Jamie focused on. They focused on the fact that it’s promoting the…

Andrew: Yeah!

Jamie: Yeah!

[Laura laughs]

Ben: …what tangible gifts you get out of the holiday, rather than focusing on the true meaning of Halloween.

Andrew: Death.

Ben: You guys, Laura and Micah, brought up Christmas. “Well, what about Christmas; that encourages it too.” Jamie and Andrew weren’t saying that Christmas is okay, they were saying that it’s all bad. It’s all bad. You guys never actually denied the fact that it’s encouraging kids one night of the year to go out and egg peoples houses and toilet paper them. So, yep.

Laura: Actually, we did, Ben. [laughs]

Ben: Huh?

Laura: That was – our big thing was saying Halloween doesn’t cause delinquency.

Ben: Yes, it does though.

Laura: People are delinquents everyday.

Ben: No, they are. But that’s one night where it’s like everyone goes out and does it.

Jamie: It encourages it, though.

Ben: Yeah.

Laura: Okay.

Jamie: Yes they are everyday, but it still encourages them.

Laura: Okay, people do that at Christmas too. People do that on holidays.

Ben: No, they don’t!

Laura: Yes, they do!

Ben: Not nearly as much, not nearly as much.

Andrew: No, nobody causes trouble on Christmas. [laughs]

Ben: Yeah, who goes out and eggs houses on Christmas?

Laura: Oh, please!

Andrew: I’ve never heard of that to be honest with you.

Laura: People…

Jamie: Laura…

Laura: People use excuses…

Ben: She made it up.

[Jamie laughs]

Laura: No, I didn’t.

Jamie: But, Laura…

Andrew: Alright well, we’ll see what the listeners think.

Ben: Your vote.

Chicken Soup For The MuggleCast Soul

Andrew: Popular… How about we just let the… No. No, we’ll do the same debate rules. While we’re doing some outrageous discussion topics here, we have a Chicken Soup for everyone that is pretty funny and I thought we could read it this week. It comes from Paige, 18, of Massachusetts. She writes:

“The other day I was riding the bus to Harvard Square while listening to MuggleCast and at one of the stops about 97 high schoolers got on the already fairly full bus. Each time we went around a curve in the road or around a corner we were so weighed down that the bottom of the bus would scrape ominously on the road and we would tilt to one side. For the first couple minutes, I was terrified that I was going to die, then I realized that it would not have been so bad to die at that moment because I was listening to MuggleCast. [Andrew laughs] Needless to say I did not die, however thank you for alleviating my fear of dying.”


Micah: That is *bleep*.

Jamie: Wow.

Andrew: You guys didn’t think that was funny? That was funny, I burst out laughing.

Micah: Ben is right, these people just make *bleep* up.

Ben: Yeah.

[Everyone laughs]

Listener Rebuttals – Accio Pronunciation

Andrew: We also have a rebuttal now from – I guess this is a lady named She Who Must Not Be Named, 18, of Absolutely Nowhere. She writes:

“Dear MuggleCast, I’ve been wondering how on Earth you are supposed to pronounce [pronounces it ‘ah-see-oh’] Accio. My friends have several theories on it, on how it’s pronounced, but I figured I’d have the excerpts…experts…”

Ben: [laughs] Excerpts.

Andrew: [laughs]

“…argue about it. So far I’ve heard it about three different ways, but I was wondering what you guys think. Is it Accio [pronounced ‘ak-see-oh’], Accio [pronounced ‘ah-key-oh’], or Accio [pronounced ‘ah-see-oh’]. I personally think it is Accio [pronounced ‘ak-see-oh’] because the word ‘accept’ also begins with ‘acc’ and is pronounced ‘ak-sept.’ However, no theories are safe from you, so I’ll let you handle that.”

I actually went on and used their cool pronunciation guide.

Jamie: Oh.

Ben: Is it [pronounced ‘haw-grid’] Hagrid too?

Jamie: [laughs] Yeah.

Ben: Can you say [pronounced ‘haw-grid’] Hagrid?

Jamie: [pronounced ‘a-las-tor’] Alastor.

Ben: [pronounced ‘ru-bay-us’] Rubeus. Rubeus.

[Micah and Laura laugh]

Andrew: I don’t know, but what do you guys think it is?

Laura: I think it’s [pronounced ‘ah-see-oh’] Accio.

Jamie: Hey Ben, shhh, you know who I mean [pronounced ‘vol-de-more’] Voldemort.

Laura: But in the movie they say [pronounced ‘ak-e-oh’] Accio.

Jamie: I say that. I say [pronounced ‘ak-e-oh’] Accio.

Andrew: Do they? The real, according to the…

Laura: Yeah, they say [pronounced ‘ak-e-oh’] Accio, I think it’s [pronounced ‘ah-see-oh’] Accio though.

Andrew: Yeah, it is.

Ben: I heard Jeff Guillaume from HPANA called it [pronounced ‘ach-e-oh’] Accio.

[Andrew laughs]

Ben: I don’t think that’s right.

Andrew: I think that’s a little off.

Ben: Well, how did you say it, Andrew? How did you used to say it?

Andrew: [pronounced ‘ah-see-oh’] Accio.

Ben: [laughs] No, no.

Andrew: No, I probably used to say [pronounced ‘ak-e-oh’] Accio.

Ben: I say [pronounced ‘ah-see-oh’] Accio.

Andrew: [pronounced ‘ah-see-oh’] Accio.

Jamie: You can’t trust the Scholastic pronunciation guide, because that woman is so softly spoken. Isn’t she, Ben? It’s ridiculous.

Andrew: [laughs] I know.

Jamie: She can’t get more softly spoken.

Ben: [pronounced ‘ru-bay-us’] Rubeus.

Jamie: Yeah, no.

Ben: [pronounced ‘ru-bay-us’] Rubeus. [laughs]

[Andrew laughs]

Jamie: And she says [pronounces it ‘kah-noots’] knuts as well, so anything she says is automatically wrong.

[Andrew, Micah, and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Geez!

Micah: I think you should do it from now on, Jamie.

Jamie: No way.

Micah: Apply for the job!

Micah’s Halloween Prediction

Andrew: Now, Micah…

Ben: Mic-er!

Andrew: …Halloween is coming up, and you did make a little promise a few weeks ago. And now today is Halloween, and we’re recording – so everyone knows – on Sunday. So, even if it’s true, we didn’t know, so don’t be like – if Micah was right, don’t be like, “Well, you didn’t release the show on the day it was announced, sp.” No, this is being recorded on Sunday. So…

Ben: This has been projected for weeks.

Andrew: Micah, you still – yeah. Are you still sticking with your prediction?

Micah: Yeah! I’m sticking with the prediction that on Tuesday, she will reveal the title of Book Seven.

Laura: And what if you’re wrong?

Andrew: Yeah. We need to make a little bet here.

Micah: We can make a bet. You guys…

Andrew: What do you think, Ben?

Micah: …have to come up with the alternative.

Andrew: What do you think, Ben?

Ben: Her bet? For his bet, I mean?

Andrew: Yeah.

Ben: I think he should have to do the news like a chipmunk.

Andrew: Ooo! I like that!

Jamie: Yeah, that’s it, yeah.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: All right!

Andrew: That’s what we’ll do.

Jamie: [singing in a chipmunk voice] Watch out, cause here we come!

Andrew: Are you going to do it, Micah?

Micah: The full news or part of the news?

Andrew: The full news.

Jamie: [still singing] It’s been awhile, so we’re back in style. So, get set to have some fun!

Micah: Yeah! That’s fine.

Andrew: All right!

Micah: I’ll accept that.

Ben: Are you that confident it’s going to happen?

Jamie: Whoa.

Micah: Yeah! Yeah.

Jamie: Awesome.

Laura Mallory Update

Andrew: And now, we have – we have a Laura Mallory update for everyone, because you might remember that we tried calling her twice two weeks ago and the show before that. And a guy named Peter wrote in to us. He said he too tried to call her, and he had better results than we did. [laughs] And he writes:

“I decided to call up Laura Mallory, and she picked up. She said that the press has distorted a lot of her story and that she has read most of the books. I said stuff like Harry Potter shows good over evil, but she said you have to fight evil with evil.”

Jamie: Good argument, good argument.

Andrew: “She says heard…”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: “She says she has heard of MuggleCast, but she doesn’t listen to it.”

Well, no kidding.

“She said she doesn’t have time to talk to you MuggleCasters, though.”

Ben: All right, let’s call her up.

Andrew: I’m sure she’s very busy doing a whole lot of banning right now.

Ben: Complaining.

Jamie: Complaining. Complaining and hating, yeah.

Andrew: Watching Desperate Housewives right now.

[Laura laughs]

Jamie: That is – yeah.

Andrew: “She said she doesn’t answer her phone much either. Also…”

Jamie: Her phone is clearly an indication of evil as well. Aw, it’s terrible, you know? Satan lives in her phone.

Andrew: Also, she…”

[Everyone laughs]

Jamie: I understand.

Andrew: “Also, she talked about kids doing witchcraft and how it’s real and stuff.”

Jamie: Trick or treat, trick or treat, trick or treat.

Andrew: “We talked for a little while and she talked about things she said – things she said on the show. I then said if she had time to talk at all these meetings, how come she doesn’t have time to talk to you guys? She then said that she had to go.”

[Laura laughs]

Jamie: Hey.

Andrew: “She was just avoiding my questions, though. She said it was a blessing that I was talking to her and maybe we will wake up to see the truth about witchcraft and Harry Potter.”

Oh snap.

“I was just going to say that she could not let her kids read it and not stop the whole state, but she had already hung up. Maybe you guys should try calling again and see what happens.”

And then he gave us the number that he used, and we did use that number.

Pickles on Gilmore Girls

Andrew: Moving on – who caught the latest episode of Gilmore Girls?

Jamie: Not me.

Andrew: No one?

Laura: Mmm.

Andrew: I’m the only one who watches?

Ben: Mmm?

Andrew: Oh, okay. Well…

Laura: You watch Gilmore Girls? [laughs]

Andrew: Yes, of course, Laura! No, I wasn’t really watching them. We got a lot of emails, though, today, because the latest episode of Gilmore Girls – which I’m sorry, is the stupidest show I’ve ever seen. I had to download it to get the sound clip.

[Ben laughs]

Andrew: On the latest episode, they had a huge pickle reference, because they kept referring to some sort of illegal substance as crack or…

[Andrew, Micah, and Laura laugh]

Andrew: …as pickles. So, they do a code name. So and they…

Ben: They borrowed it from us.

Andrew: It went something like this:

[Plays audio clip]

Lorelai: Hey, Rory.

Rory: Hey, what’s going on?

Lorelai: Ah, well, Star’s Hollow smells like pickles.

Rory: Pickles?

Lorelai: Pickles?

Rory: Pickles, pickles?

Lorelai: Pickles.

Rory: Why?

Lorelai: Because the pickle train crashed?

Rory: Is this a joke? Is this a long, boring joke that I’m not going to get?

Lorelai: No, it’s no joke. The town smells like pickles because the pickle train was derailed.

Rory: A train full of pickles? Who knew there was such a thing?

Lorelai: Well, pickle train conductors, for one. It sounds so fun. I would have been the greatest pickle train conductor! Can you see me? “All aboard, you pickles!”

Rory: Mmm. Clearly you missed your calling.

Lorelai: Well, luckily there’s you. You’re young, you’re clever, you’re our great pickle-train conductor.

Rory: I can’t believe I’m missing this.

Lorelai: Well, you can celebrate next year on the anniversary. Now what’s going on with you?

[Audio clip ends]

Andrew: So there you go. You know, I hear that the producer of Gilmore Girls actually listens to MuggleCast, and that’s how…

Ben: Probably.

Jamie: I heard that, too.

Andrew: …they had the idea. Because – how many listeners are we up to now?

Jamie: Four million?

Andrew: 25 million?

Jamie: No, it’s a bit less. It’s twenty or something, but…

Andrew: Yeah. Yeah, maybe I’m exaggerating a little bit, but…

Jamie: Sweden dropped out. They banned it, so we went down five million.

[Andrew and Ben laugh]

British Jokes of the Day

Andrew: Yeah. And to wrap things up today, we have a British joke of the day.

Jamie: I have a couple of Halloween ones and then a normal one today.

Ben: Hold on, is this a British joke or just an English joke?

Jamie: Oh yeah, it could just be an English…

Andrew: I guess we should say it’s an English joke.

Jamie: No, no, no! Because I…

Andrew: Just joking.

Jamie: I think I’m talking for Scotland and Wales and Northern Ireland as well, so I think it’s a British joke.

Andrew: [laughs] Okay.

Jamie: Okay. First one: which building in New York does Dracula visit? The Vampire State Building.

[Ben, Jamie, and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Ooo. Figured it had something to do with Empire.

Jamie: [laughs] Okay.

[Andrew imitates Jamie’s laugh]

Jamie: Okay. Okay, one sec. Okay. Who was the most famous French skeleton?

Andrew: I don’t know.

Jamie: Napoleon Bone-aparte.

[Everyone laughs]

Jamie: Okay, this is good. This is good. What happens when the popular goats – sorry, ghost – gets lost in the fog? He is mist.

Andrew: What?

[Jamie laughs]

Andrew: Oh.

[Everyone laughs]

Jamie: This is brilliant.

Andrew: Way to laugh, everyone. Way to add to it.

Jamie: Yeah, excellent.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: You were a ghost.

Jamie: How did the ghost go on holiday? This is terrible, I must admit. [laughs]

Andrew: I don’t know.

Jamie: By scare-plane.

Andrew: That’s just dumb!

Jamie: It is atrocious. Okay. Why don’t skeletons go to parties? Because they have no body to go with.

Andrew: Oh, ho, ho, ho.

[Everyone laughs]

Jamie: Okay, now away from the Halloween theme, this is a joke I made up. Okay?

Ben: No, you didn’t.

Andrew: Oh!

Jamie: I did! I swear I did! I swear I did.

Andrew: Ben stinks.

Jamie: Two kettles are arguing, okay?

Andrew: [laughs] What are you…

Jamie: [laughs] Okay?

Andrew: How did he come up with this?

Jamie: Two kettles are arguing. They keep swearing at each other and shouting. One of them – somebody says, “Why are we arguing?” The other one says, “Oh, we’re just letting off some steam.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, that wasn’t bad, actually! Those were pun-believable.

Jamie: Okay, so there we go.

Halloween Delinquency

Ben: So has your house ever been toilet papered or egged, Jamie? Is that why you’re so…

Jamie: No, but I’ve only lived here, in this house in Durham, for about four weeks.

Ben: No, but what about at home, though? Has your house…

Jamie: No, it hasn’t, actually. No, no, it hasn’t. Oh! We once got a plant pot thrown at the front door.

[Andrew, Laura, and Micah laugh]

Andrew: On Halloween, or just some random…

Jamie: No, it’s just normally, I think. Actually don’t think it had anything to do with Halloween.

[Andrew and Ben laugh]

Andrew: Oh geez.

Micah: Oh, so you’re saying there’s delinquent activities on days other than Halloween.

Jamie: Exactly. But Halloween encourages it, which is terrible, Micah!

Ben: Once…

Andrew: We’ll have to listen…

Ben: Once someone took a baseball bat to my mailbox.

[Andrew and Jamie laugh]

Ben: Like they completely…

Andrew: Really?

Ben: They seriously just completely knocked it off, right off the post.

Jamie: That’s not very nice.

[Laura laughs]

MuggleCast Mix-up

Andrew: We want to remind everyone that the MuggleCast Mix #1 was actually released on the feed earlier this week, and for that reason, we got a third of the regular downloads that we do on Episode 60, [laughs] because nobody got their latest show. So if you think – if anyone’s confused and didn’t get Episode 60, it is there. You just have to check your feed for older episodes other than the most recent one.

Show Close

Andrew: So, to contact us the P. O. Box, Ben, is located at?


PO Box 223
Moundridge, Kansas, 67107.

Jamie: But don’t send anything valuable in case his mailbox gets a baseball batted [laughs] in it again.

Ben: Yeah. Again.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew [Show Close with music in background]: We are going to get back to voicemails probably next week, if you have a voicemail question that you want to – that you want us to answer on the show. Remember to keep it under thirty seconds and try to eliminate as much background noise as possible, then call, in the United States, 1-218-20-MAGIC. If you’re in the United Kingdom you can dial 020-8144-0677. If you’re in Australia you can call 02-8003-5668. You can also Skype the username MuggleCast. And you can also email us using mugglecast at staff dot mugglenet dot com or just use the handy feedback form right there at mugglecast dot com. Once again, I’m Andrew Sims.

Ben: I’m Ben Schoen.

Jamie: I’m Jamie Lawrence.

Laura: I’m Laura Thompson.

Micah: And I’m Micah Tannenbaum.

Andrew: We’ll see you next week for Episode 62 of MuggleCast. Oh, and email us and let us know what you thought of the opening of the show. Let us know if you liked it, or not. And peace, out.

Jamie: And be cool on Halloween.

Andrew: And remember be safe.

Jamie: Don’t go Trick-or-Treating.

Andrew: Check your candy, kids.

Ben: Don’t be – don’t be morally vapid.


Jamie: I just don’t think about it.

Laura: No, if the story development is good…

Jamie: What, you mean like…

Laura: Then the movie is probably going to be good.

Jamie: Laura, do you mean like if say movie one, Harry’s 10 and if in movie three he’s 85, the character development wouldn’t be…

Laura: No, no, no,

Jamie: Wouldn’t be true to life.

Laura: I’m saying, for instance…

Jamie: He’s got a beard.

[Andrew laughs]

[Laura sighs]

Jamie: I’d love to have a beard, I would. No actually I wouldn’t.

Laura: Well then, grow one.

Andrew: He can’t.

[Everyone laughs]

Jamie: Laura, are you joking?

[Everyone laughs]

Jamie: I could not shave for a year-and-a-half and look like a baby.

[Laura and Andrew laughing]

Jamie: Actually, that is untrue. That is untrue.

Ben: Well not really.

Jamie: I’m just starting to get stubble on my neck now, that is a serious step.

Andrew: Oh my god.

Jamie: It’s like, it’s like…

Andrew: [laughing] You’re 19 and you’re just starting to get that.

Laura: That’s pretty normal.

Jamie: It’s like-

Andrew: No, it’s not.

Laura: Yeah, it is.

Jamie: Yes, it is.

Andrew: How would you know, Laura?

[Micah laughs]

Laura: Because it’s…

Jamie: Laura, Laura, Laura…

Andrew: Do you have stubble on your neck yet?

Jamie: Laura, when did you first start shaving?

Laura: Okay…

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: No, most… Okay, most guys…

Jamie: Can you wax your face, Laura? Instead of shaving?

Laura: I don’t need to wax my face.

Jamie: I don’t mean you. I don’t mean you, I mean men. Instead of shaving can you wax your face or not?

Laura: Yeah, you can get your face waxed.

Andrew: Ryan Seacrest does.

Jamie: No, I mean can you buy like strips…

Ben: No, it’s not, Laura

Jamie: …and then just put them on your face and rip them off? Can you do that?

Laura: Yeah, yeah you can.

Jamie: Really?

Laura: Yes [laughing].

Jamie: Well there you go it’s sorted then…

Andrew: [sings] You think you’ve got the stuff, telling me and anyone, it’s hard enough…”

Laura: [laughs] Andrew?

Andrew: [sings] “You don’t have to put up a fight.” [speaks] What?

Laura: Guess how many times I’ve listened to the “Saints Are Coming” on my iTunes?

Andrew: [sings] “Don’t have to always be right.” [speaks] Let me look at mine first.

Laura: [laughs] okay.

Andrew: [sings] “Take some of the punches for you tonight. Listen to me now.” [speaks] Hold on. [resumes signing] “Needed to let you know…”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: 69 [laughs] for me. How many times for you?

Laura: 97.

Andrew: Oh my god! [sings] “And it’s still…”

[U2 plays in the background]

Laura: We should sing that song on here.

Andrew: And it’s you that ought to pick up the phone. Sometimes you can’t make it on your own.

Laura: I love the variation in your voice. How you go from like really bad opera singer to somewhat…

Andrew: Beautiful?

[Micah laughs]

Laura: [laughs] Yeah. Beautiful.

Andrew: [sings]
“All the time…”

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Can we…

Jamie: I’m going to send children away empty handed.

Andrew: Can we make like a contest?

Laura: To see…

Jamie: What, who can be meanest?

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: No, no, no. I think it would be funny if you took a video of yourself drop-kicking a pumpkin and watching it explode.

[Everyone laughs]

Jamie: Would you also…

Andrew: It could be like a contest prize or something, [laughs] You get to see it or something.

Jamie: Would you…

Micah: But, would it be…

Andrew: So we film it so you can watch it and put it on YouTube.

Jamie: Would you also like a video of my being…

Ben: In a way…

Jamie: …carted of to the police station as well? Well Andrew for-

Andrew: Why because you broke your foot from drop-kicking a pumpkin?

Jamie: Yes, because when…

Laura: You get arrested in Britain…

Jamie: Because, because…

Laura: For breaking pumpkins?

Jamie: Because when… Yes, Andrew, because when you break your foot you get taken to the police station not the hospital.

Ben: Yeah [laughs]

[Everyone laughs]

Ben: I was going to say that.

Andrew: I meant hospital. No, seriously why would you get in trouble for drop-kicking a pumpkin?

Jamie: Because, it’s a breach of the peace. Okay, let me do a bit of history here okay?

Andrew: What?

Jamie: Let me do a bit of history okay?

Andrew: No, we don’t care for your British history.

Ben: No seriously, I want to hear this.

Andrew: It’s clearly flawed.

Jamie: It’s interesting – okay.

Andrew: Okay.

Jamie: There is – everything in England is to do with the Queen basically, okay. There is a thing called the Queen’s Peace, okay. The Queen’s Peace is being nice to everyone, there’s no war going on, there’s no trouble in the streets, okay. There is a crime – it isn’t actually on the record books as a crime, but it’s… There’s a thing called Breach of the Peace, which is a Breach of the Queen’s Peace. And you can be arrested for this thing, Breach of the Peace. So if you’re caught brawling in the streets, or if you’re caught throwing stuff or shouting at someone you’re in violation of a Breach of the Peace, so I can get arrested for that. Or, I can get arrested for harassment.

Andrew: Huh?

Jamie: All manner of things you can get arrested for.

Ben: For harassing a pumpkin?

Jamie: Yes, yes.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Harassment!

Jamie: They’re very, very sensitive pumpkins.

[Ben and Laura laugh]

Micah: But…

Laura: Would you get arrested for belting out “Proud to be an American” in the streets?

Jamie: No, no, I wouldn’t, but that’s a good idea. I’ll try it if you don’t hear from me in a few weeks, I probably….

Ben: Jamie, Jamie. Someone emailed in saying that you don’t know your own Britishness because, like you said there’s no such thing as a British accent it’s an English accent and that you should have corrected us long ago for saying British accent.

Jamie: Yeah it’s true, it’s true. Of course.

Andrew: Oh yeah, I saw that. What are you doing to us?

Laura: What? How is there no such thing as a British accent? What?

Andrew: Because apparently it’s an English accent is what they call it.

Jamie: It’s like calling it an American accent.

Jamie: It’s all dialects, you know. It’s like…

Andrew: It’s like people say you have a Jersey accent.

Jamie: Yeah, no, it’s like a…

Andrew: And that’s not a real accent.

Jamie: I don’t have an accent.

Andrew: Yes, you do.

Jamie: If you came here – no, okay fine, but if you came here and said to somebody what type of accent do you have, they’d say I didn’t have one, I just have a normal English accent.

Ben: Because, that’s because they’ve got like Cockney.

Jamie: Very good Benjamin, there is Cockney. There’s Cockney, sort of Birmingham, Welsh accents, Scottish accents, Northern accents, Geordie accents, all types of accents. It’s just like America. Yeah.

Micah: But Jamie, I’m curious though, wouldn’t the Queen be proud of you for teaching these kids a life lesson by stealing their pumpkins.

Jamie: Yes, she would. And if she isn’t, I’ll go down to the palace and…

Laura: [laughs] And drop-kick the queen?

Jamie: And drop-kick her, yeah.

[Laura laughs]

Jamie: She can land right in the river Thames and swim back and see how she likes it.

[Everyone laughs]

Jamie: Not that I have been dropped in the river Thames.

Ben: You know, I thought it was the River Thames [pronounces it ‘Thaymes’] River Thames.

Jamie: Everyone calls it the Thames [pronounces it ‘Thaymes’], first of all.

Laura: You would.

Ben: [imitating Laura] You would.

Andrew: I wouldn’t.

Ben: Andrew would probably call it the Thames [pronounces it ‘Tha-mays’].

Andrew: No, Ben, I actually – I thought it was Thames [pronounces it ‘Thaymes’] too. Okay, all right. So, what else is there to talk about.

Jamie: But yeah. Micah the Queen would be in serious trouble if she didn’t approve. Actually, should I say that? Yeah, go on then, yeah.

[Laura laughs]

Jamie: You can put that in. Put it in.

Laura: Do you think the Queen listens?

Jamie: Oh, she does, she does.

Andrew: Am I the only one…

Jamie: The Royal Podcast.

Andrew: Am I the only one…

[Micah laughs]


Written by: Micah, Adrienne, Allison, Amanda, Briana, Jessica, Judy, Margaret, Martina, Matt, Megan, Samantha, Sarah, Shannon and Shelly