Transcript #649

 

MuggleCast 649 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #649, No Rest For Cousin Harry (GOF Chapter 19, The Hungarian Horntail) feat. Kierra Lewis


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Pull out your Invisibility Cloak and get ready to third wheel a date night to see how you’re going to die…

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: … because this week we’re discussing Chapter 19 of Goblet of Fire, “The Hungarian Horntail.” And joining us this week – we are so excited – if you are on Harry Potter TikTok, you know this person: Kierra Lewis, welcome to MuggleCast!

Kierra Lewis: Thank you for having me!

Andrew: Oh my gosh, thank you so much for coming on. Tell our listeners about yourself.

Kierra: I feel like most people just know me for the girl that either throws books or cries all the time.

[Everyone laughs]

Kierra: But I consider myself a BookTokker/Bookstagrammer, so I read and review books; I’ve been doing it for almost two years full time. But around last Christmas of last year… I’ve always been curious about Harry Potter, because my dad, my brothers, everyone in my family was big Potterheads. But I was just one of those girls… I don’t know. I guess I was just obsessed with Hannah Montana, just my own stuff, so I’d never paid it no mind. But I was curious about it and was like, “You know what, I’ll just dabble in it. I’ll just read one book. If I like it, sure, whatever. We’ll decide going forward.” After I read the first book, I just started venting it, and then I decided to document my journey through BookTok and Bookstagram. And yeah, now we’re on a MuggleCast. My mind made it.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah. I mean, your videos, I think one reason they’ve taken off is because you’re capturing what we were all feeling reading the books for the first time, for many of us 10, 15, 20 years ago, and now here you are reading it for the first time and it just brings back so many great and painful memories.

Kierra: Yeah, which is crazy to me because for me, experiencing it as a 28-year-old, I love that people continue to remind me like, “You’re feeling this now; imagine being 10, 11, 12 years old,” and I’m like, “I could not fathom reading the stuff that happened in this book and being okay, and still having to go to school and take a spelling test afterwards.”

Micah: And having to wait for the next book to come out to learn what was going to happen.

Kierra: Oh, yeah.

Andrew: Years!

Eric: Kierra, I guess your dad and brothers and your whole family were wise to keep it from you for this long.

Kierra: Yeah, they probably knew me. At that time, my dramatic self, I don’t even think I could have handled it.

[Andrew and Kierra laugh]

Andrew: What’s it like knowing that literally hundreds of thousands of people are eagerly awaiting your reactions to every big moment in Harry Potter?

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Do you sit there reading, thinking about your audience? That would be me.

Kierra: Yeah. I would say in the beginning… now I feel like we’ve set good boundaries, but in the beginning as it started to take off, I would have hundreds of thousands of DMS constantly, or people were like, “Hurry up, you’re not reading fast, you’re not reading fast.”

Andrew: [laughs] What?!

Kierra: And I would literally pressure myself and cancel plans with friends just trying to read faster, and finally I realized… I was like, “Just like y’all had y’all’s first time experiencing reading Harry Potter, this is my first time, and even though of course everyone’s doing it with their good intention, I don’t want anyone to pressure me or make me lose the joy and excitement of reading it for the first time.” So I’m like, “If you get one video this week, that’s okay,” because you have to remember the highs, the lows, I’m dealing with that as well as posting the videos and pushing out content as well, so it’s double the work for me.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. Well, good for you for setting those boundaries. I can’t believe people are putting pressure on you to read it faster. [laughs]

Kierra: Yeah, I had to get a little sassy. I was like, “Ooh, the Potterheads, y’all crazy.” But I was like, “I love y’all, though. I love y’all.”

Andrew: [laughs] That’s too funny. So has the remainder of the series been spoiled for you yet? You’re just starting Order of the Phoenix now.

Kierra: Yeah, just starting it. Barely a few pages in. No, I feel like… what I love about the… I don’t know why I call them Potterheads; I don’t know if that’s correct term.

Andrew: No, that’s right.

Eric: That is. I was actually surprised, yeah.

Kierra: Oh, okay, okay. So what I love about the Potterheads is that I feel like since everyone knows I’m going through this for the first time, people are kind of protecting me in the comments, as well as the DMs.

Andrew: Aww.

Laura: Good.

Kierra: And I also had to do better in the sense of I have friends sometimes who’ll use my account and delete if there’s any slim chance of a spoiler.

[Andrew gasps]

Kierra: Yeah, because I like reading the comments; I don’t want to turn them off. But I do want to… if I’ve made it this far, five books into the series with no spoilers, I want to keep it, especially with the last three books.

Eric: Oh, man.

Laura: Seriously.

Eric: I’m going to have to mentally prepare here. Let’s issue a spoiler warning, if anybody hasn’t read Books 5, 6, 7… wait, no, we just won’t spoil her past the beginning of Book 5.

Andrew: No, of course, yeah.

Eric: Okay. I’m going to have to think about that. That’s… okay.

Kierra: Please. I don’t want to take off my earphone and chuck it.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Can you imagine if Kierra agreed kindly to come on MuggleCast, and then we spoil something for her?

[Kierra laughs]

Eric: It would make for a great video, let me tell you.

Andrew: No! No! I would end the show, Kierra. That’s my vow to you. If we spoil you, the show’s over permanently. I couldn’t live with myself.

[Kierra laughs]

Laura: Yeah, then we would be those people that we remember all too well from the early 2000s when these books were coming out who intentionally spoiled it for people. We don’t want to be those people, so we’re going to be good today.

Eric: By shouting, “Redacted…” yes, yes, yes.

Kierra: I was going to ask, how did that go? Because at that time… I’m acting like this is the dinosaur age. I’m kidding.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Thanks, yes, we feel that way as well.

Kierra: No, I was still a kid. I was around that time, but there wasn’t really social media, so how would y’all…? Would you just talk to your friends at school? How would you express yourself?

Laura: And to each other. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, so we were all working on a Harry Potter fan site together, so we all communicated through that fan site. But we mentioned before we started the show that we started in 2005; one reason our podcast took off is because we were a place for people to discuss Harry Potter or hear discussions about Harry Potter, because that was before social media.

Eric: We were the original Bookstagrammers.

Andrew: [laughs] BookTok. BookPod.

Kierra: Y’all walked so we could run.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Listeners, if you don’t already follow her on TikTok or Instagram, on TikTok it’s @KierraLewis75, and we’ll have the link in the show notes. Is it the same thing on Instagram or different?

Kierra: No, the Instagram is @Kierra_Lewis1.

Andrew: Okay.

Kierra: As you can tell, I made both accounts before I started doing social media, so that’s why it’s just random numbers.

Andrew: Got it, okay. All good. We’ll have links in the show notes and of course on our social media as well.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: So Kierra, you’re joining us today for Goblet of Fire Chapter 19, “The Hungarian Horntail.” And we’ll start like we always do with our Seven-Word Summary, and we’re going to create a summary of the chapter off the cuff right now.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: Karkaroff…

Laura: … sneaks…

Eric: … around…

Micah: … Hogwarts…

Kierra: … suspicious…

Andrew: Suspiciously?

Kierra: Suspiciously, yeah.

Andrew: … one…

Laura: … night.

Andrew: Yes, yes, we did it! [laughs]

Laura: We did it, y’all.

Eric: Okay!

Andrew: Yeah, it’s stressful.

Laura: Great job.

[MVP of the Week music ends]


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Andrew: So we’ll get to Karkaroff in a little bit. I’m calling the first half of today’s discussion, [sings] “Meet me at midnight.” So Hermione encourages Harry to head to Hogsmeade with her to clear his mind of the goings-on, and while at the Three Broomsticks, Moody’s magical eye catches Harry hiding under the Invisibility Cloak. Harry was trying to be undercover to avoid all the backlash and attention that he’s been getting, especially in light of the Rita Skeeter article. Mad-Eye is there with Hagrid, and Hagrid invites Harry to meet him at his cabin that night for reasons unknown. Harry is a little hesitant, but he’s willing to go. He was a little hesitant because he’s got a busy night; he’s going to go see Sirius as well in the fireplace.

Micah: And one fun nugget that I caught – and I think this is actually on the first page of the chapter – it’s as they’re describing how anxious Harry is feeling about this first task; it says that Harry felt as if the first task was “crouching ahead of him like some horrific monster.” And I’m thinking to myself, as I’m reading this, I’m like, “Damn, J.K. Rowling. You just slid that in there and nobody noticed.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: The task was Barty Crouch-ing ahead of him.

Laura: We also get a little bit of foreshadowing here. This is just another setup to really deliver on the whole Mad-Eye Fakey plot point that we get in this book – Kierra, that’s what we call Mad-Eye Moody in this book, because he’s imposter Moody – but this is set up so that in the future, it’ll come in really handy for Moody to be able to see through Harry’s Invisibility Cloak.

Kierra: Wow.

Laura: There’s a little midnight excursion that’s coming up in a couple of chapters where this comes in really handy.

Eric: Yeah, Moody’s eye, I’d forgotten that it could see directly through the Cloak. That’s more than Dumbledore can do; it’s a really powerful eye. Kierra, I’m very excited for you because there is one more moment in Book 5 that I’m thinking about where Mad-Eye’s eye comes into play, and it’s a tiny little tidbit, low stakes, but it’s one of the coolest moments ever what that eye can do, so look forward to that. It’s coming up.

Kierra: Oh, I’m excited.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: Build the anticipation. [laughs]

Kierra: Oh, yeah.

Eric: So one thing that occurred to me… the joy of rereading this series after X number of years, question mark? Back in the dinosaur age, I wouldn’t have picked this up, but today, I was actually wondering if Moody, who we know is secretly trying to help Harry along, actually would have convinced Hagrid to share this information with Harry. We see that… they’re kind of unlikely pub companions; Mad-Eye Moody, this ex-Auror, and Hagrid, who didn’t even finish school? So I’m wondering what would have been the… what would they have to say to one another?

Andrew: [laughs] An Auror and a dropout walk into a bar…

[Andrew and Kierra laugh]

Eric: Yeah, yeah, so…. Auror is one of the extra schooling that we know about for career wizards. So anyway, I thought it would be interesting because Moody spoke with Neville a few chapters ago. We know that that is set on a path to clue Harry into some things. What if in fact, this isn’t just Hagrid saying hello to his friend and trying to give his friend a leg up? What if he was pushed to by Moody? Because otherwise, I think Hagrid would keep a secret, question mark?

Andrew: Well, I think Harry needs an assist from somebody, and I think Hagrid maybe thought that he could be that person for him. I mean, remember, Hagrid is one of the people who actually believes Harry that he didn’t put his name in the Goblet, and of course, Harry is underage, so that’s not okay either, so somebody has to help them.

Kierra: Well, I can agree with Moody wanting to help, but also, I think Hagrid is just… Hagrid can’t hold water, especially when it comes to the animals he loves. So I think even if he didn’t show Harry at that time, he would have found another way to help Harry out and assist him with the first task or the third task or whenever it was.

Laura: I agree. I think Hagrid is uniquely vulnerable to this precisely because of what Kierra just mentioned, and I think all it would take for Moody to convince him and to act as the tipping point is to say, “Come on, Hagrid, you know Madame Maxime and Karkaroff are doing the same thing for their champions. Why not level the playing field?”

Andrew: And we’ll talk about that, because it’s very interesting how all those dynamics play out.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: But I mean, currently, that argument of “All the other team heads are doing it, the school heads,” that doesn’t actually happen until after the events of tonight, so it’s a very interesting psychology moment there.

Andrew: So despite that midnight timeframe that I mentioned pushing up against his meeting with Sirius in the fireplace, Harry is intrigued by this offer and decides to take Hagrid up on it.

Micah: Yeah, I think Harry is just eager to spend time with somebody who actually believes in him, and so when Hagrid comes over and says, “Meet me tonight,” he’s all about it.

Andrew: [sings] “Meet me at midnight.” I’m just making Taylor Swift references.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Ohh.

Eric: It does sound romantic.

Micah: Well, and we do get a bit of romance as well.

Andrew and Kierra: Yeah.

Eric: Well, there you go, yeah. He said “Meet me at midnight” to somebody that wasn’t Harry, actually.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: But for me, too, I have to just shout out Hermione in this moment. Two weeks have passed since the end of the last chapter, and this whole time… there’s a moment where Harry is like, “Yeah, Hermione is not the same; I’m spending much more time in the library…” It’s not Ron. He’s missing Ron. That said, Hermione seems to really and uniquely be able to find things to do that are getting Harry out of his shell, that are helping him emotionally deal with all of this stress. And case in point, they’re in Hogsmeade; he probably would have stayed behind in the castle if she hadn’t said, “Come on; let’s go. Be social, even if you’re under the Cloak.” It gets him out of the castle. It’s good for him.

Laura: Kierra, I know that you had a pretty strong reaction to the falling out that Harry and Ron have in this book. Is that something you’d care to expand on here while we’re talking about what Harry’s friendship now looks like with Hermione?

Kierra: Yeah, I think my reaction, which you’ve seen on TikTok… I got emotional at a coffee house when I found out that they weren’t friends anymore, mainly because… I mean, I’ve been there with my own friends, but I joke about cousin Harry and Ron being my cousin, but to see them so young, and to know that from Book 1 to Book 4, they’ve been each other’s support system, they’ve been each other’s backbones through thick and thin, and then to see them have a friendship break up over something so… I wouldn’t say small, but something so miniscule. It just… I don’t know. It tore a piece of my heart. It tore a piece of my heart. But to also go off of the Hermione thing, I think it actually also shows that we always talk about Hermione, she’s always so serious, she’s always so focused on schoolwork, but to see her take the slack off of Ron not being friends with Harry and to make him go get the butterbeer, to make sure he’s doing research for his task, it just shows that… I don’t know how to describe it, but… I don’t know; I just feel like my girl Hermione needs more love. I stan her so much, especially after this friendship, because she had to carry Harry, she had to carry both sides. She would go talk to Harry, then she would run to Ron, and that’s tiring. And plus, that girl is doing God knows how many hours at Hogwarts, so yeah.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: And SPEW, she’s trying to organize that, and Snape is calling her ugly, and in this chapter somebody calls her ugly; it’s just all these things she…

Kierra: And Rita Skeeter.

Andrew: Rita Skeeter, yeah. It’s a lot.

Laura: Hermione does not get enough credit, and that’s a problem throughout the entire series.

Kierra: No, don’t tell me that.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: It turns out that Harry gets to third wheel Hagrid and Madame Maxime’s date night, and they’re going to go check out a spectacular sight – just a beautiful, wonderful date night in danger – [laughs] and giving Harry a little behind-the-scenes scenes glimpse of what he has to deal with. I really liked this strategy from Hagrid, giving Harry a heads up about what’s coming without really even talking to him. He’s just like, “Follow me under the Cloak, and where we go will tell you all you need to know.”

Micah: And I’m sure we’re going to talk about who’s using who in this situation, but part of me wonders if Hagrid is being utilized and taken advantage of by Dumbledore, knowing that he will get close to Madame Maxime. Is this intel for Dumbledore in terms of what Madame Maxime is up to? Like, he dangles a little carrot in front of her by telling her what the first task is all about, but is he getting more information back from her that he can share with Dumbledore? Does Dumbledore have a board up in his office somewhere of all the possible suspects of who put Harry’s name in the Goblet? Now, after tonight maybe he can cross Madame Maxime’s name off of it?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I don’t know. Unfortunately, I don’t think Dumbledore cares that much, really, or he would have gotten to this.

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Eric: No, but Dumbledore has an army of pawns. We’ve seen it before; we’ll see it again. Vague, vague, vague, spoiler, spoiler, spoiler. So I think that it’s definitely an interesting question. As far as if Hagrid would have been sent to get information on Madame Maxime, we know that he would do it willingly, though. He’s very attracted to her. They have some things in common. And this definitely does make it so that Madame Maxime owes Hagrid one, and the whole school of Beauxbatons is in Hagrid’s debt, I think, twice now, so it’s an interesting strategic position.

Andrew: See, even though Hagrid seems to invite Madame Maxime without her knowing where they’re going, I’m still wondering if Hagrid is being used by Madame Maxime, because she might suspect he knows what’s going on in the tournament since he works at this school.

Eric: If she does, she’s got some point; she’s onto something because inevitably, if you’re going to have these dangerous tasks, odds are you’ll come across a fantastic beast, which are bringing the danger. The beasts are involved in all three tasks, we find out, and Hagrid’s own Skrewts are used in the maze at the end of the year. So the gamekeeper and generally all around competent as far as beasts go guy is going to have the answers you seek, so it works for Madame Maxime as well.

Andrew: So under the Invisibility Cloak, Harry watches as Charlie and his team try to tame the dragons. And Kierra, I don’t know if you’ve caught on to this yet, but Hogwarts: total security nightmare. I mean, the fact that these poor kids are going to be facing these dragons…

[Kierra and Laura laugh]

Andrew: There’s eight wizards handling each dragon, and each of these dragons is very hard to control; one has to get hit by I think up to eight Stupefies in unison in order to knock it out. And Charlie says to Hagrid, he doesn’t know how exactly the dragons will be used in the competition, but they’re obviously extremely dangerous, and it’s just like, how can they put Harry in this situation?

Laura: Yeah, well, Harry also gets to see the dragon he’s going to be up against in the first task, and it’s also just easily the most deadly-sounding of the lot of dragons. It feels pretty clear as a reader, even as a first time reader, probably – Kierra, I don’t know if you can speak to this – but feels pretty obvious that that’s the one Harry is going to get stuck with.

Kierra: Literally.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Charlie is like, “Watch out for that one, Hagrid.”

Kierra: And then Harry trying to be so positive, like, “Well, I’m glad I got to see it now,” and not when he has to face it in the task. Regardless, I probably would have pissed myself.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah!

Andrew: I would have bailed out of the competition. “Hey, you know what? I actually don’t want to be in this anymore, Albus. Sorry. I’m peacing out of here.”

Kierra: “I’ll see you in the Great Hall. I’ll be feasting.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: “I’ll do the exams. It’s fine. I’ll take back my exams that you excused me from.”

Kierra: Honestly!

Eric: I know, it might be worth facing the wrath of the Goblet of Fire rather than facing a dragon. It might be safer.

Micah: So this all made me think, though, was the Horntail always in the mix? Or was it a late addition, given that Harry’s name ended up coming out of the Goblet?

Eric and Kierra: Ohh.

Micah: Because presumably, there would have only been three dragons.

Kierra: I didn’t even think about that.

Eric: [laughs] Do you think they heard Harry’s name came out and they were like, “We need a more dangerous dragon for this 14-year-old”?

Micah: “We need a Horntail.”

[Andrew and Kierra laugh]

Andrew: Or maybe they had the fourth as a backup dragon just in case one of the dragons was sick that day.

Micah: I mean, if that’s the backup, oof.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I’m just trying to imagine how Crouch justifies this. Again, he’s a stickler for the rules. Is he sitting here thinking, “Eh, the 14-year-old only has a 25% chance of getting this dragon. What are the odds?”

Andrew: Well, if he already took on Voldemort, I mean, a dragon is going to be no big deal. The writing here does lay some groundwork for what’s to come in this first task; they want nesting mothers, so as if they weren’t going to be vicious enough as dragons, you’re also going to be stealing an egg from one of these dragons. It’s just absolutely insane to be asking kids to do this, Harry or an older wizard.

Eric and Micah: Yeah.

Eric: I wouldn’t trust a 17-year-old to be able to do this. I wouldn’t trust a grown adult. I wouldn’t trust the real Man-Eye Moody to be able to survive a dragon. There’s a reason that dragons are kept far away, away from people safely so that… because they’re killers; by nature of what they are, they’re very dangerous.

Andrew: How about just flying on a dragon’s back? How about just petting the dragon’s nose?

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Or standing… get as close to it as possible, to the dragon. There’s so many other competitions they could have had for the first task involving a dragon.

Eric: Getting as close as possible before what? [laughs]

Andrew: Before you’re scared and want to run away.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Kierra: Who can last the longest?

Micah: Yeah, I mean, I think the extra edge to this is you’re trying to steal their unborn children, so they’re going to be even more vicious than they otherwise would.

Andrew: Kierra, you having just finished reading this relatively recently, do you read stuff like this as an adult and wonder how could this be allowed at Hogwarts?

Kierra: Maybe in the beginning. Now at this point, I’m like, Hogwarts, they just make their own rules. They do whatever.

[Andrew laughs]

Kierra: It don’t matter your age. I think someone pointed out… they tagged me in a post and they were like, “I’m reading Harry Potter for the first time, but I’m just now starting to see how many times the kids sneak out after midnight at 3 a.m. like it’s just a normal common thing, even though they’re sneaking out.” But I’m like, Hogwarts world is different, I feel. I wish I was a part of that.

Andrew: [laughs] And there’s no tuition, from what we hear.

Kierra: Oh, yeah.

Laura: Right.

Kierra: Even if there was, the food looks so good, I’d pay whatever, honestly.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: So you won’t be joining SPEW.

Kierra: I feel like I’ve kind of got to. I’ll just be like my cousin here; I’ll be the treasurer or something.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Kierra: I’ll still be back, though, putting something on my plate. Thank you.

Andrew: Can you tell us why you call him cousin Harry? Because you always call him cousin Harry in your videos, too, and it’s great.

Kierra: I do, because I feel like we’re family now.

Andrew: You’re family.

Eric: Aww.

Kierra: We’ve made it so far, yeah. We’re family now, so whenever my cousin hurts, I hurt. Honestly, I would say we’re more like twins, because they say there’s the twin telepathy? I feel whatever cousin Harry is going through, so yeah.

Andrew: Aww, that’s so sweet. [laughs]

Kierra: That’s my bestie.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, it’s just a testament to the stories, too, that even after all this time, people are still resonating with them as strong as they did back when the books were first coming out. So thank you for capturing that, Kierra, because honestly, you’re doing what we endeavor to do here on the show every week, which is tell people why these stories matter and why they resonate so much with everyone, and you’re doing it in this wonderful, bite-sized format.

Kierra: Thank you. And I would also say, it just shows how powerful or impactful these words are, after what, two decades? How someone in her late twenties was able to pick up this and still feel the same feelings that someone that probably read it in 2015, 2017, so kudos to that.

Andrew: So we’re going to talk about the relationship between Charlie and Hagrid, and another person who’s spying on the dragon situation. This whole thing is rigged. We will Floo right back after this break.

[Ad break]

Eric: One thing that I love, as best as I can follow the plot of behind the scenes that happened here, is that Charlie Weasley is in town. He is obviously in some capacity keeping the dragons safe on the grounds of Hogwarts, and he must have invited Hagrid – his old friend and gamekeeper probably inspired the love of dragons in Charlie to begin with – to come and witness and see the dragons. That said, as nice of a gesture as that was, there’s a funny bit which I definitely missed before, where Charlie warns Hagrid that the real eggs are counted, and warns Hagrid not to touch.

[Kierra and Laura laugh]

Eric: Because he trusts Hagrid, but not too well, apparently.

Kierra: Yeah, when I was reading it today, it says something like… I guess when they brought out the eggs, Hagrid did a moan out of awe, and that’s when he said that, and I was like, “Gotta love Hagrid.”

[Andrew laughs]

Kierra: Him and his animals.

Laura: Well, Charlie has to be thinking back to the end of Sorcerer’s Stone, when he and his friends had to come pick up Norbert.

Kierra: He said, “I’m not making another trip.”

Laura: Yeah, that’s a not too distant memory for him, and he’s probably thinking about the sketchy means by which Hagrid obtained his last dragon egg and making sure to put it out there that the eggs are all accounted for, so stay away.

Andrew: Yeah. So Harry has seen enough; he’s delighted that he now knows what’s happening in the first task, let’s say. And as he’s on his way out, he bumps into Karkaroff, who’s going to spy on the scene too, and now he’s going to be relaying this information back to Krum. So now Harry knows, Madame Maxime knows and is going to tell Fleur, of course, and then Krum is going to be finding out as well, so it’s just poor Cedric at this point who does not know. This whole thing is rigged.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Should the Ministry have known that the teachers were going to do this? That three of them were going to be spying? I mean, it’s just ridiculous there weren’t measures in place to prevent them from spying.

Kierra: I guess you can also say it was because… throw the blame on it being their first year, since they said they haven’t done it in a few years or so because it got so dangerous.

Eric: I think the idea is even if it does get out, you have a monumental task in front of you; that’s why it’s so extra challenging. Because the dragons weren’t going to be on the grounds until the week of, or really soon to, it’s still an enthralling challenge, even if the information does leak.

Andrew: Are we to believe that Dumbledore doesn’t know what the tasks are?

Micah: Oh, he knows.

Kierra: He definitely knows.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: He knows due to spying? Or he knows because he’s talking to Ludo and…?

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Andrew.

Kierra: Is he not supposed to know?

Eric: Well, he had to know, because you otherwise… I bet there’s a rule about bringing dragons into the school. I bet you can’t bring dragons onto the school grounds without Dumbledore having to lift a protection or something.

Andrew: “So we’re bringing four dragons on the grounds; we can’t tell you why…”

[Eric and Kierra laugh]

Andrew: “… or we can tell you, I guess, since it’s your school,” but then it’s unfair if Albus knows and Karkaroff and Madame Maxime don’t know, isn’t it?

Micah: Well, I mean, benefits of the host school, maybe.

Andrew: Cheating? [laughs]

Micah: To your point, though, they’re housing dragons, they’re about to set up this huge task in his lake, and they’re going to bring in this maze with all these dangerous creatures. I mean, for security reasons alone… oh, wait, never mind.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Yeah, that’s the end of that sentence.

Micah: Dumbledore loves the drama! You say it all the time, Andrew. He’s just sitting there.

Laura: He’s at it with the Dumble-drama again.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Ooh, this is fun. This is so much fun.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: This chapter did remind me, though, the heads of their school don’t know what the challenges are, and that does raise this question about Dumbledore because who planned these tasks? Who actually devised “This is what we will be having them do”?

Micah: Ludo, probably.

Eric: But I would have assumed it would have been in consultation with Dumbledore, and if it is in consultation with Dumbledore, then it’s also right for Maxime and Karkaroff to be there.

Laura: I also just wonder if the idea of keeping it secretive but then the headmasters of the various schools finding out what the tasks are going to be is an unspoken tradition at this point. This tournament has happened hundreds of times in the past, and it just seems unrealistic to expect that these things wouldn’t come out. I mean, we see Dumbledore talk about secrets breaking out at Hogwarts as early as Book 1, where he’s like, “Hey, everybody who knew anything about what happened between you and Quirrell down in the third floor corridor has been sworn to secrecy, so naturally, the whole school knows.” He knows that this is the reality of working in a school with adolescents; it’s just really hard to keep the lid on things like this. So I don’t know. I feel like it might be a matter of best intentions to say they keep it secret, but it doesn’t really happen.

Micah: I guess it’s just interesting that Karkaroff and Maxime are actively trying to get the information and support their champions, but in the case of… Harry seems to also be getting that support, through Moody, through Hagrid, and through others, as we’ll see in later chapters, but what about Cedric? He’s just… nobody’s helping this guy out, actively. We don’t see Sprout coming in on his behalf as his Head of House. We don’t see Dumbledore doing anything. I don’t know; that’s kind of messed up.

Andrew: It is messed up.

Micah: [laughs] Poor Hufflepuff.

Andrew: Although, this opens an opportunity for Harry to help him out, of course. But it was raised earlier, could it have been Mad-Eye Fakey who put Hagrid up to it? But maybe Dumbledore could have put Hagrid up to it; insert a middleman there to avoid catching blame for sending Harry over to check out the dragons himself.

Kierra: I can see Dumbledore. He’s always like the wise grandfather looking out for Harry.

Andrew: Yeah, he’s a little trickster. What are your impressions on Dumbledore so far? Because I’m a big fan in general.

Kierra: Yeah, I was going to say, so far I like him. I like his wisdom. I love that he’s always there to comfort Harry or to guide Harry. He’s like his guidance system while navigating Hogwarts and this world.

Andrew: Yes.

Kierra: So I stan him, yeah.

Andrew: So the second half of this discussion I’m calling “Meet me at the fireplace.” So Harry gets back for his rendezvous with Sirius, and he gets to unload on Sirius like he’s a therapist. He’s sharing all the things that have been bugging him. Here’s one of the few people that are actually on his side, will continue to talk to him, that believe him, all of that. And it’s a relatable moment, when a lot has been boiling up inside you and you feel like you don’t have anybody to share it with and then you finally are able to let it all out on somebody, but maybe Sirius is up to something else, too, Micah, besides being a therapist?

Micah: Yeah, I think he’s also, besides being a therapist… or maybe part of his job of being a therapist, as we all know, probably, is he’s taking notes, right? I think we’re going to talk about this in a little bit, but he’s actually really good at putting the pieces of the puzzle together from reading the Daily Prophet. And Harry’s info dump might have important nuggets that right at this moment Harry can’t see for himself, so I think Sirius is intently listening. He’s letting Harry just pour it all out, but with kind of a side quest in mind.

Andrew: And so we also get a bombshell from Sirius: Karkaroff is a former Death Eater who got out of Azkaban after making a deal with the Ministry to give up names of other Death Eaters. And Sirius also suspects that Karkaroff is the one who put Harry’s name in the Goblet, and it doesn’t matter that Karkaroff was feigning outrage at Harry’s name coming out, Sirius says, because Karkaroff is a good actor; he was a good enough actor to cut a deal with the Ministry.

Micah: Yeah, we don’t know it at this point in Goblet of Fire, but this is the deal that also landed Barty Crouch, Jr. in Azkaban, which is…

Eric: And the circles, the truth, the spirals… that’s wonderful.

Micah: And the other thing that I think is important – we’ve talked about this in prior episodes – is that we also get that confirmation from Sirius from his own time in Azkaban saying that the Death Eaters that are there are not very happy with people like Karkaroff, who kind of sold himself for…

Kierra: Snitched.

Micah: Yep, exactly. Snitched. And there’s probably a few others like him we can we can reference here.

Eric: It’s just so wonderful, from a lifelong Sirius Black fan, to not only see Harry’s godfather be able to interact with him, that Harry gets to interact with him. I mean, this is the first real conversation they have since that amazing night when he escaped on Buckbeak. But the ability for Sirius to be able to use the information he has from being in Azkaban, very few people could tell you what it’s like in Azkaban and even fewer people could tell Harry relevant information that pertains to the plot of this year at Hogwarts. So it’s a wonderful and I think really feels organic way for this information to be conveyed to Harry and also for the world-building that’s being done. To have Sirius be able to be in the position where he can help Harry out is fantastic.

Laura: So speaking of helping Harry out and using the knowledge he has to help Harry be aware of how many former Death Eaters he might be around, I find it really curious that he doesn’t share anything about Snape here, because in the same trial that we see Karkaroff having a little bit later in the book, he names Snape as a former Death Eater. He tries to use that as collateral to get himself out of Azkaban; Dumbledore vouches for him in that instance. But I think it’s really interesting that Sirius here says, “Hey, this professor who you’ve only known for 30 seconds, because he’s at your school for the tournament, he used to be a Death Eater,” but “The guy who tried to get me the Dementor’s Kiss last year, and who has tormented you during school, is also a Death Eater.” I just find it really interesting that he doesn’t do that.

Eric: Laura, I think you’ve uncovered the biggest proof that Sirius has emotionally grown since childhood.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: Good for him.

Eric: We always talk about how stunted Sirius is from that time in Azkaban, but given a chance to throw his school rival under the bus, he doesn’t take it, so I don’t know.

Laura: And he could.

Eric: I think for me, Snape has been vetted by Dumbledore. That’s what you said. It works; Sirius can’t…

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “I trust him. What can I say?”

Eric: Yeah, he might feel like it’s not his place to reveal that sort of thing, but if it were to protect Harry, he absolutely would. But yeah, I think it’s just… given how heated things got between Snape and the Marauders at the end of the last book, I think Sirius is just taking this moment to set it out. If Snape were at all guilty, Sirius surely has the confidence that Dumbledore would be getting to the bottom of it. It has to be an outsider, which it is; it’s just not who we think it is.

Andrew: Kierra, I’m curious. Thinking back to reading this a couple months ago, did you have any prime suspects?

Kierra: I had a whole whiteboard. It’s probably over there.

Micah: Ooh.

[Andrew laughs]

Kierra: I had a whole whiteboard. I’m trying to think… I had Karkaroff. I had Moody. I’m trying to think who else? It was mainly just the new characters that pop into Goblet of Fire, because even though my suspicion, I never thought it was who it turned out to be. I just had a feeling like what you all said that it wasn’t somebody that’s been in the Hogwarts circle in the previous books. It had to be somebody different. Which it was, somebody I cried over.

[Andrew and Kierra laugh]

Andrew: Well, I mean, you were right about Mad-Eye, in a way.

Kierra: In a way? Oh, yeah!

[Andrew laughs]

Kierra: I remember screaming and everything! I said, “I knew it!” Everyone commented, “Just keep reading.”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Kierra: I said, “Okay.”

Micah: Were you ever suspicious of Ludo?

Kierra: Yeah! Briefly. He was on my list, too, briefly, but in the end, I want to say after a while I just forgot about it.

Andrew: [laughs] Aw, Ludo doesn’t want to hear that he’s forgettable.

Laura: He is, kind of.

Andrew: He is, yeah.

Kierra: Well, wasn’t he the one that kept helping Harry Potter out?

Eric and Micah: It’s Bagman.

Kierra: That’s why he was on my radar.

Andrew: So Sirius also believes that someone attacked Moody the night before, and here’s more evidence that maybe it could be Moody or an imposter. Sirius believes that someone attacked Moody the night before he started at Hogwarts and tried to stop him from getting to Hogwarts, and he talks about Bertha, and Harry and Sirius wonder if she told Voldemort about the Triwizard Tournament after she was lured into a trap. Now, there’s also some foreshadowing here, maybe. The line goes, “Mad-Eye’s heard intruders a bit too often. But that doesn’t mean he can’t still spot the real thing.” And that caught my eye just thinking about Mad-Eye being an imposter, not the real thing.

Micah: I like it. Yeah, and it’s amazing how spot on Sirius is here. It’s just like… it’s kind of similar to Prisoner of Azkaban where he’s telling the truth, but nobody believes him. Now he’s telling the truth, but he’s not in a position to talk to anybody because he’s still on the run. Who is he going to share this theory with, right? He’s actually 100% on the ball, but who is he going to go to? He can’t go to the Ministry. Maybe he can go to Dumbledore.

Andrew: But he’s thinking it’s Karkaroff, or at least he thinks he…

Micah: He is, but all the other stuff he has right. Everything about Bertha Jorkins is on the nose. I don’t know; maybe Dumbledore already has this intel, knowing him, but I don’t know.

Andrew: Yeah. What I find interesting about these… well, I mean, some of it was correct, but he’s blaming Karkaroff. It’s interesting that Sirius is blaming the wrong person when Sirius was blamed as the wrong person previously.

Eric: That’s interesting. Maybe it’s the thing where you’re like, “Well, I know I was in Azkaban prison, and I know I was innocent, but surely there’s not two innocent people in Azkaban.”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: Everyone else, to Sirius, is an inmate, is a bad person; he’s the only good guy, so it challenges that worldview to picture Karkaroff as anything other than a loyal Death Eater still to this day.

Andrew: We’ve talked a little bit today about if Dumbledore… what were other adults and faculty thinking at this time? Did they also think it was Karkaroff? Did they think it was, I don’t know, Ludo Bagman? I’m wondering what’s going on in Dumbledore’s mind right now.

Laura: I think he’s keeping an eye on him, just like he keeps an eye on everything that happens at Hogwarts. I mean, he remembers… and I have to think that for other members of the faculty who remember the first war, they’re probably a little uneasy being around this person. And honestly, we could look at a number of historical examples of people who “learn the error of their ways” and changed their perspectives, changed their tune, and went over to the light side, as it were. And I mean, some of them are still very much members of society today, which can be a little bit unsettling. But I think, again, that’s another way that these books are taking examples of things that happen in real life and putting them in the story. It makes it so much easier to resonate with.

Andrew: I wonder if there’s a feeling of being stuck between a rock and a hard place because there’s no evidence to convict Karkaroff or anyone else, so it’s sort of just business as usual until the answers are unearthed. But it’s still pretty messed up that it is business as usual, as something very strange is afoot.

Kierra: I also feel like with Dumbledore, he’s like a life teacher or a life coach. He lets the students or people do what they’re doing while also overseeing them, and then when they do need help or when it is time for him to step in, he steps in.

Andrew: Yes.

Kierra: But yeah, just because people might not think he doesn’t know what’s going on. I feel like he’s always observing; he always knows what’s going on, but not every second of every moment does he need to be there or does he need to be telling you his theories. That’s why he is the headmaster.

Andrew: It’s almost like he’s letting them live and learn themselves, instead of…

Kierra: Yeah, until he feels like he needs to step in to help.

Laura: You’re right on the money.

Eric: It’s really interesting how Dumbledore’s strategy mirrors that of previous years; the Chamber of Secrets can be open, people can be nearly dying, and he’s like, [imitating Dumbledore] “Let’s wait it out.”

[Andrew and Kierra laughs]

Eric: It’s interesting.

Micah: You were talking about how Karkaroff was there. I think it allows Dumbledore to watch the moves of a former Death Eater at a time where there’s been significant Death Eater activity, right? Going back to the Quidditch World Cup. What better way than to have a former Death Eater in your own presence? You can monitor all his moves, and this goes back to what we were talking about with Hagrid and Maxime; he’s got somebody on each of these headmasters that are in from foreign schools, because I think we learn later on Snape has been tailing, Moody has been tailing Karkaroff to some extent, so he’s got eyes everywhere, to Kierra’s point. He knows what’s going on in his school; he just lets it happen, which, I mean, that’s a whole other conversation.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Is it better? Is it worse? It’s worse, right? But if he did have any concrete proof, I think he would have requested a different person to represent Durmstrang. They’ve got to have a deputy in charge.

Micah: Or maybe not. I mean, he likes the drama, Eric.

Andrew: He loves mess.

Micah: He does.

Andrew: Loves it. Dumble-drama. It’s like a “Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer” type of thing, Micah, the point that you’re making.

Kierra and Micah: Yeah.

Eric: Keep your enemies so close that they could strike their intended target at any point if they wanted to.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That’s quite close.

Andrew: And if they do, well, you know it was them.

Laura: Well, I think he’s probably thinking if Karkaroff is indeed secretly conspiring to help Voldemort, that at least he can keep an eye on him at Hogwarts. If he’s all the way in Bulgaria or wherever it is that Durmstrang is located, he’s not going to be able to keep a tab on what any underground Death Eaters are up to, so I think this benefits Dumbledore in a few different ways to have Karkaroff here.

Andrew: All right, well, Sirius is about to tell Harry how to defeat the dragon when Ron comes downstairs, boo. He’s been wondering where Harry was, and tensions, as if they weren’t bad enough, now they’re at an all-time high because Harry just lost some good intel on how to defeat this terrifying dragon, and they don’t try to make amends this evening. So yeah, as if Harry didn’t have enough reason to be mad at Ron, now he missed out on dragon-fighting strategizing thanks to him. It’s just a downer of a end to the chapter.

Eric: Yeah. And Harry is very witty in this moment. He’s very upset with Ron, and he even… after two chapters of the book saying that Harry wants to hit Ron in some way or another, he actually chucks one of the “Potter stinks” badges at him, hits his face, and then says, “Oh, maybe it’ll scar. Isn’t that you what you want?”

Laura: Oof.

Eric: But as good of a line as it is, and I think it’s one of the best lines that Harry ever says, you can really sense the pain behind it. You can really sense how Harry is trying to communicate that it is not an honor to have a scar, it is not something anyone would really actually want, and you’re a moron for thinking that. And so Harry is lashing out. Yes, he’s witty about it, but you can see the pain as a reader. I think your heart breaks in this moment.

Andrew: Well, yeah. And I mean, the scar brings him a lot of unwanted attention. People just automatically know who he is when they see that scar. Their eyes go to that scar; it’s just like… he just needs to cover it up with makeup. I think that’s the only way he’ll be able to get past this. But Harry doesn’t get to speak with Sirius again before the first task, but Sirius does later share what he was planning on giving Harry in terms of how to defeat the dragon, and it was going to be a [struggles with pronunciation] Conjunctiviss… I should have practiced this before.

Laura: Conjunctivitis.

Andrew: Conjunctivitis Curse, as a dragon’s eyes are its weakest point. Of course, Harry is able to defeat the dragon himself, however, Krum does use this curse himself, and we learn that in Chapter 23, “The Yule Ball.”


Odds & Ends


Andrew: So one odd and end I just wanted to address: We do get Rita Skeeter’s piece from the Daily Prophet here. It was crazy inaccurate – you can see why Rita brought him into the cupboard to interview him – and just another reminder of how shame should be brought down on the Daily Prophet. Kierra, we’ve been talking about this a lot. She apparently doesn’t have editors at the newspaper; she could publish whatever she wants.

Kierra: Yeah, I mean, she definitely doesn’t care. Even if she did have an editor, she’ll send it to print.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Kierra: It just shows that also… because isn’t there nowadays you have to have proof of what you’re saying, or you have to use the word “alleged”?

Laura: Right.

Kierra: So at that time with her newspaper, you can just say whatever you want. And it’s crazy because everyone will believe it, knowing that it’s Rita Skeeter and she likes to go… her stories are very outrageous. But like they were saying, Ron’s mom read the Prophet and was weary and worried about Harry, even though she knows that Rita Skeeter has told lies and been absurd about everyone in the Hogwarts world.

Andrew: Yeah. She just sucks on that Quick Quotes Quill to get started, and then she gets to say whatever she wants, which is…

Kierra: Somebody needs to take that quill from her.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Kierra: But it’s okay; my cousin Hermione handled business at the end.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: She does.

Laura: Oh, I can’t wait to get there. That must have been so fun, by the way, as a reader, as someone reading it for the first time. Getting to that point in the book, I remember feeling so gratified.

Kierra: Yeah, because it honestly happened, what, the last three, four, or five pages, so I was like, “What’s going to happen with Rita? What’s going to happen?” And then knowing that Hermione did what she did, it just made me so proud too.

Andrew: [laughs] “That’s my cousin right there.”

Kierra: She was like, “Don’t worry.” Yeah, I was like, “That’s my cousin.”

Laura: We’re big Hermione fans here at the show, so you’re in good company.


MVP of the Week


Andrew: All right, well, it’s time for our MVP of the Week awards.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: And I touched on this a little bit earlier: I’m giving mine to Hermione for being able to ignore hurtful insults basically to her face from Pansy Parkinson, and just a chapter after Snape insulted her. And like Kierra brought up, all the other drama that’s going on in her life, she has to deal with these attacks too.

Eric: I’m going to absolutely give my MVP to the makers of these “Potter stinks” badges.

[Andrew gasps]

Eric: The Gryffindors spend real time in this chapter trying to dismantle or get them to say something different, and whoever made those badges seems to only make it worse, so they must have done some real good anti-tamper proof spells. It’s real good.

Micah: I’m going to give it to Charlie Weasley for holding down the first task dragons by himself, and probably not getting paid enough by the Ministry to do it.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: True that. True that. I’m going to give mine to Hagrid. He gets two for the price of one this chapter: He gets to go on a date, and he does Harry a solid.

Kierra: Wow.

Laura: Good for you, Hagrid.

Kierra: Yeah. I mean, I was going to say Hagrid as well, just for putting my boy Harry on, because God knows what would have happened if he would have saw the dragon the day of the task.

Laura: Yes.

Kierra: It would have been over.

Andrew: You said earlier Hagrid couldn’t hold water, so I guess he’s good for something. [laughs]

Kierra: He is good for something, just like my grandma.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: What?! Anything you want to share about your grandma? Never mind.

Kierra: Maybe. How long you got?

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: If you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or by using our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. Get your feedback in now, because next week’s episode is a Muggle Mail episode; we’ll be reading feedback we have received from listeners about our recent discussions.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now, Kierra, it’s time for our weekly Harry Potter trivia game, Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Kierra: I didn’t know about this.

Andrew: No, no, we’re not we’re not quizzing you. Don’t worry. Don’t worry.

Kierra: Oh, okay.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: You just sit back and enjoy.

Kierra: I was like, it’s only my third day out here…

Eric: You’re in the hot seat. [laughs] Kierra, for $1 million dollars…

Kierra: Oh, now I’m all ears.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Now you’re talking.

Andrew: Grandma is finally going to be proud.

Kierra: [laughs] Literally.

Eric: Oh my God. Okay, last week’s question: In honor of the Hungarian Horntail chapter, we were asking what is the capital of Hungary? Trivia question relating to the chapter title. The correct answer is Budapest, or as some pronounce it, Budapesht. Kierra – be honest – did you know that?

Kierra: Oh, baby, I don’t even know where I’m at, and I’m in the US.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Honestly, same. This is what… I will admit, I didn’t know it when I came up with the question either.

Andrew: Normally, these are more Harry Potter-themed questions, not geography. [laughs]

Eric: Every once in a while, I love to throw a little bit of a curveball, because I do believe that having a well-rounded portfolio of information is good for…

Andrew: We’re educating our listeners, right.

Kierra: That curveball would have smacked me.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: Let’s be honest, we’re educating ourselves too.

Eric: Absolutely.

Andrew: Next week will be a biology-themed lesson.

Eric: Okay, well, anyway, correct answers were in fact submitted by many people, including a Pint of Purple Pygmy Puffs; Buff Daddy; Carter, aged 10, and Margaret, aged mom; Stuck in LA traffic longer than an entire episode of MuggleCast; Colonel Fubster has submitted to Quizzitch – wow – Dobby Wanted Socks, Now Dobby Wants Blood… okay…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: … Dumbledore’s audacity; Elizabeth K.; George Ezra’s golden grand piano… thank you for that reference. Hagrid’s broken comb; Hannah D.; The Expert Wrackspurt Professor; Hermione Granger or Hermione Danger; Jiggly Jane; the Banana Republic Harry stopped at before the Battle of Hogwarts…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … Wonky Faints; Tofu Tom; Micah’s newlywed…

Andrew: Oooh.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: … Stu-pee-fy; Gray; and Meer-anda. Miranda. That’s… it was weird how I said Miranda just then. It’s probably Miranda.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Thank you to all who submitted. It was actually a really robust week for Quizzitch; over 50 people entered. And Kierra, if you haven’t caught on yet, people really love making up usernames or fake names to submit.

Kierra: Clearly. Dobby Wants Blood?

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: I’m going to be thinking about that one for a while. So here is next week’s Quizzitch question: What class does Cedric Diggory have next when Harry catches up with him in the school corridor to tell him about the dragons? Submit your answer to us over on the MuggleCast website. Go to MuggleCast.com and click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav, or you can just type in your handy dandy URL MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch.

Andrew: Kierra, thank you so much for joining us on today’s podcast. It was so great having you.

Kierra: Thank you for having me! This was fun. Quite insightful. Love it.

Andrew: Yeah, glad you had a good time. Where can our listeners find you? Can you plug your handles again, please?

Kierra: Baby, you can catch me all over the world. Hello.

[Everyone laughs]

Kierra: Mister Worldwide. [laughs] You can find me on TikTok at @KierraLewis75. Like I said, I’m either screaming, crying, or chucking a book, hello.

[Andrew laughs]

Kierra: And you can find me on Instagram as well; @Kierra_Lewis1. And I’ve actually just started uploading hour-long Harry Potter vlogs on my YouTube channel, so you can find me on there as Kierra Lewis as well.

Andrew: Awesome. We’ll have links in the show notes for listeners. And yeah, you just uploaded the Goblet of Fire one today, I think, right?

Kierra: Yeah, it was 80 minutes long. I was so worried that people would tune out, and people were like, “Why is this show so short? Make it longer.” I was like, “Say less. I’ll make it two hours.”

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: That’s the thing about Potterheads, honestly. We’ve had times where our show, we feel like it’s gone really long, but they’re hungry for more. That’s the really special thing about the Harry Potter community, is there’s always something to talk about. So yeah, keep the 80-minute YouTube videos coming, because I know your audience loves them.

Kierra: Oh, 100%. Yeah.

Micah: Can I ask one more question? So putting aside Harry, Ron, and Hermione, do you have a character that you really like at this point in the series?

Kierra: Well, it’s like a small squad, but I would say one of my favorite side characters, whenever they’re in the book, I really love Fred and George. Just their banter and how they always are shaking it up, whether it be with their mom or just at Hogwarts. And then daddy Snape. Love me a Snape. Even though he hates my cousin, I love him.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: That’s family, right? I mean…

Laura: Eh, true.

Kierra: I really just like his sassiness, because the first book I didn’t like him, and then as he started to point out things, I was like, “It’s kind of true; my cousin does get away with a lot of stuff.”

[Laura laughs]

Kierra: So I can understand that from his POV. And then in this book, he said something to my cousin Harry; it was just like, “Watch your drink,” or “Next time I might slip something in it.” I don’t know what it was, but it just made me laugh because I was like, “This grown man is this bitter with like, a 13-year-old.”

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Right!

Kierra: I like the pettiness. I wouldn’t like it in real life, but it’s just humorous to read about.

Andrew: Yeah. Yeah, I think he was willing to poison him in that chapter, actually. [laughs]

Kierra: And he was like, “Your bite-sized fame,” when Harry was in the Daily Prophet. I was like, “Dang.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: So based on this, I have to ask, Kierra, what’s your House?

Kierra: I’m a big G! I’m a Gryffindor!

Laura: Oh my gosh!

Kierra: Yeah, a lot of people thought I was going to be a Hufflepuff, but yeah, I’m Gryffindor.

Laura: Really?

Andrew: Okay, good for you.

Laura: See, this is perfect; we have a really balanced panel today on the show. It’s pretty rare that we end up having a Gryffindor join us, so…

Kierra: Really! What are y’all? Oh, Slytherins? Hold on, I’ve gotta get out of here.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: I’m a Slytherin!

Micah: Just Andrew.

Andrew: Yeah, Slytherin. Micah and Laura are Ravenclaws, and Eric is a Hufflepuff.

Eric: Recovering Gryffindor.

Andrew: And then we have you.

Kierra: Which is actually funny, because Andrew, I feel like you were giving me Hufflepuff vibes.

Andrew: Oh, really? Okay.

Laura: Ohhh.

Andrew: Well, see, I used to be a Gryffindor, then after a breakup, I converted to Slytherin and I’ve just been here ever since.

Kierra: It makes a lot of sense now.

Andrew: Yeah, right? Right?

[Andrew and Kierra laugh]

Laura: He decided to be a baddie.

Kierra: Literally a baddie. A Slytherin baddie.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Poisoning people, telling them they’ve got gigantic teeth… no, I do none of that.

Kierra: Everything.

Andrew: [laughs] So listeners, visit MuggleCast.com for transcripts, and our social media links, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes, and to contact us. And if you enjoy the show and think other Muggles would, too, tell a friend about the show. And last but not least, the show is brought to you by Muggles like you. We don’t have any fancy corporate or network funding; we’re just proudly an independent podcast. So you can support us by tapping into the show on Apple Podcasts and subscribing there, and you’ll get bonus MuggleCast installments to thank you for your support, or you can go to Patreon.com/MuggleCast and you’ll get those bonus MuggleCast installments plus access to our livestreams, our planning docs, a new physical gift every year, a video message from one of the four of us, and more. So that does it for this week’s episode. Thank you again, Kierra, so much for joining us. We were so thrilled to have you on, and we’ll continue watching your Harry Potter journey. I’m more invested than ever now to watch you go through these remaining books.

Laura: Same.

Kierra: Oh, yeah. I’m at the start of Order of the Phoenix; I have it over there. I’m about to start it right after this.

Andrew: Awesome!

Laura: Oh my gosh.

Andrew: That’s my favorite book, so I am so jealous. I’ll live vicariously through you. [laughs]

Kierra: Okay.

Eric: And don’t hesitate just to stop and breathe and talk about where you think it’s going to go, because that’s something that I definitely… we all got to enjoy the speculation part because there were so many years between books, so take your time with it and ask yourself, “How do I think this is going to end?”

Kierra: Will do, will do.

Andrew: Thank you, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Kierra: And I’m Kierra, and you’re watching Disney Channel.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Bye, everyone. [laughs]

Transcript #648

 

MuggleCast 648 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #648, The Beetle Has Landed (GOF Chapter 18, The Weighing of the Wands)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: This week, get ready to hunker down in the nearest broom cupboard for an uncomfortable interview with Rita Skeeter, because we are covering Chapter 18 of Goblet of Fire, “The Weighing of the Wands.” And to help us with today’s discussion, our longtime friend and fellow podcaster Pam is back. Welcome back to the show, Pam.

Pam Gocobachi: Hi. Thanks for having me back.

Andrew: Of course. You, Laura, and I all do Millennial together…

Pam: We do.

Andrew: … which releases new episodes on Wednesdays. This is almost like an episode of Millennial but with Micah, because Eric is not here.

Pam: That’s right.

Micah: It’s true.

Andrew: One of our listeners said that. Micah said he was going to say that; now I’ve just stolen it as well.

Pam: Man, I’m so slow; I just got that joke.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: And it’s interesting because I don’t remember the last time I was actually on Millennial. I feel like it was just after Biden was elected president.

Andrew: No.

Micah: Is that possible?

Andrew: It’s got to be more recent than that.

Pam: We had you and Eric on last year.

Laura: Yeah, we had both of you on.

Andrew: Yeah, last year.

Micah: Okay, never mind.

Pam: But we’re overdue. [laughs] It’s fine.

Laura: Yeah, we can set a date.

Andrew: Yeah, you can come on in 2024.

Micah: Let’s just do Millennial right now.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Well, yeah, this is kind of like… let’s just release this next week; screw it. Well, it’s nice to have you on, Pam. And Pam has been a longtime Harry Potter fan as well. I mean, nobody we podcast with hasn’t been a longtime Harry Potter fan. I believe Pam actually has more editions of Harry Potter than any of us.

Pam: I think we did count them one time, and I maintain that it’s because I also own the entire series in Spanish too.

Laura: That’ll do it.

Andrew: Okay.

Pam: So that racks up pretty quick. [laughs]

Andrew: That’ll do it. All right, well, before we get to Chapter by Chapter this week, we do have a couple of summer announcements.

Micah: Yeah, so Eric and I will be returning to LeakyCon this summer; it’s going to be taking place in Portland from July 5-7 at the Oregon Convention Center. If you’re interested in attending, you can use code “Muggle” to get $10 off your ticket. It’s still early days, and more details to come on panels and meetups and that sort of thing, but Leaky has been announcing a number of guests. I saw for those who are huge Game of Thrones fans, Isaac Hempstead Wright, who played Bran Stark, and Indira Varma, who played Ellaria Sand, have both been confirmed. So definitely check out their website; I know they have a lot more announcements planned in the coming weeks.

Andrew: So that’s happening on the west coast this summer. And on the east coast, Laura, Micah, Eric, and I – maybe Pam, we haven’t spoken about it with Pam too much yet – we are planning on going to a podcasting conference in the Washington DC area, and that conference will be happening August 19-22. This is a podcast industry conference. There’s not going to be a live podcast for the public; it’s more about wheeling and dealing and talking about how to grow your audience and monetize and stuff like that. But we thought since we all will be together most likely this summer for Podcast Movement, we will hold some sort of meetup for listeners who are in the area. So we don’t have details there yet; it’s still a long ways off, but we can say it definitely will be between August 19-22. So if you’re around the area, maybe mark it down on your calendars and we’ll do some sort of meetup.

Laura: Come hang out with us.

Andrew: Come. Hang. Out. With. Us. Once we give you information on where to hang out with us at.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: I just also wanted to mention that our travel and appearances like at LeakyCon and Washington DC are crowdfunded by listeners like you, and by pledging to our Patreon or subscribing to MuggleCast Gold on Apple Podcasts, you’re helping us run and grow the show and its community. Laura, you planned this week’s bonus MuggleCast. What can we expect there?

Laura: Yeah, so we’re going to revisit the topic of fanfiction, but specifically, we’re going to talk about a very popular adult-themed Draco/Hermione a.k.a. Dramione fanfiction that is actually getting the 50 Shades of Grey treatment. For anyone who isn’t aware of that, 50 Shades of Grey was originally a Twilight fanfiction that was then reimagined to be published as an original work. Same thing is happening for the fanfiction “Manacled,” so we’ll chat a little bit more about that in bonus today, and we have a couple of excerpts that we’re going to read.

Andrew: Ooh.

Micah: Oh boy.

Laura: However, I will just caution, folks, if you’re in the market to look up a new fanfiction, this one is very, very dark. Very, very adult. Proceed with caution.

Andrew: Yeah, actually, Liza is saying they hadn’t heard about this yet. I hadn’t either, so Laura, I’m glad you put it on our radar, and I’m excited to talk about that. So that’ll be available at Patreon.com/MuggleCast and Apple Podcasts.

Laura: And sometimes we like to sit back and think about what are some ways that we can have a little more fun here at the show, and we thought, “Why don’t we put fun silly questions in our Discord server ahead of our episode livestreams?” So folks who are able to vote in this poll are people who support us over on Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and today’s question ahead of reviewing this chapter is “What is more unhinged this chapter? Rita’s broom cupboard interview, Karkaroff’s mustache twirl for the camera, or Fleur’s wand core being her grandmother’s hair?” Now, I do have some breaking news. We have results in this poll. Believe it or not, not at all a close competition. It is Rita’s broom cupboard interview, which makes a ton of sense, and it’s going to be one of the things we spend quite a bit of time talking about today. So thank you to all of our patrons who are in the Discord listening to us live tonight for taking part in my silly poll.

Andrew: I voted for Karkaroff twirling his mustache for the camera. I thought that was the strangest option myself.

Laura: [laughs] It did make me uncomfortable reading that.

[Andrew laughs]

Pam: It was very cartoon villain.

Andrew: Yeah, exactly, exactly.

Laura: Yeah, that’s what I imagined, honestly.

Pam: Me too.

Laura: I imagined, like, Jafar for some reason.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: Because he does that.

Pam: Yeah, or what is it, Rocky and Bullwinkle? The Russian villain in that.

Laura: Yes.

Micah: Rasputin? That’s what he reminds me of.

Pam: Yes, sure. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah. And honestly, I mean, we’ve seen and we’ve talked about in this book, how this story – and honestly, a lot of stories and movies produced during the ’90s – really leaned into that trope of people of vague Eastern European descent being the villains always, so I definitely think that that is what we’re seeing with the way Karkaroff is portrayed here.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: All right, without further ado, it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Goblet of Fire Chapter 18, “The Weighing of the Wands.” And we’ll start like we always do with our Seven-Word Summary, and since Pam is new to this segment but an experienced podcaster, she’s going first.

Laura: This was so mean. Why do we always do this to the guest?

Micah: It’s actually…

Pam: Honestly, I feel like it’s less pressure…

Laura: Yeah, that’s true.

Pam: … because I don’t have to think on my feet for a sec. [laughs]

Micah: I feel like being the glue is more pressure, right?

Laura: True.

Micah: Which happens to be me this week. That’s okay.

[Laura and Pam laugh]

Andrew: All right. Let’s give it a shot.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Pam: Rita…

Laura: … hijacks…

Andrew: … Harry’s…

Micah: … innocence…

Andrew: Ooh.

[Laura and Pam laugh]

Pam: … by…

Laura: …. broom…

Andrew: Okay, by broom closet, I guess.

Pam: Cupboard. [laughs]

Andrew: Good enough. Good enough.

Laura: That took a turn.

[Everyone laughs]


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Laura: So getting into this week’s chapter, there’s a lot going on here. Still a lot of setting the stage for what’s to come for Harry, between the reactions of his classmates to being chosen as the fourth champion to the way the media and people in government regard him and act around him. But first, we’re going to talk about this widespread bullying that Harry is receiving from his classmates. He’s having a really bad time. In fact, Harry’s only ally right now is Hermione, and it seems like only she, Hagrid, Sirius, and Dumbledore believe Harry at this stage that he did not enter his name into the Goblet of Fire. Harry is even persona non grata with Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, who both seem to believe that Harry stole Hufflepuff’s moment of glory. And something that I thought was a uniquely Ravenclaw take is that the Ravenclaws reportedly believed Harry wanted to earn more fame by being able to say he tricked the Goblet of Fire, because honestly, that’s some projection right there.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Laura: That’s something me or Micah would think.

Micah: It’s true. And to go off the point of the mass scale bullying, nothing is being done about it, right? If we look around, none of the teachers are really stepping in to try and help Harry in this situation, and so it just speaks more to Hogwarts being a security nightmare of a different kind. And putting on my Ravenclaw cap for a moment, too, it makes me wonder: If in fact Cedric was the only name that came out of the Goblet of Fire, right, how would the other Houses react? I feel like Slytherin may have gone more the direction of Durmstrang, perhaps, right?

Pam: Oh, that’s interesting.

Laura: That is really interesting, how their allegiances shift depending on the circumstance, which feels like a very Slytherin trait. No shade, Andrew.

Andrew: [laughs] It’s okay.

Pam: Well, and also, it’s tough because they have a legit celebrity competing. So I mean, yes, maybe Slytherin would be like, “Oh, we hear that at Durmstrang they learn the Dark Arts, so we’re down with whatever champion gets picked from that school,” but on the other hand, we also see a lot of the student body get swept up in the idea of Viktor Krum walking through the halls of Hogwarts, so I mean, maybe some of the other Houses or people in the other Houses would have switched allegiances as well.

Micah: Yeah, definitely. And to me, it was surprising that we don’t really see the Horcrux, at least at this moment, try and manipulate the situation. We’ve talked about how there have been other moments in this book in prior books where you can put some of what’s going on onto the Horcrux that’s within Harry, but it seems like the situation is doing a good enough job of isolating Harry that the Horcrux doesn’t really need to jump in right now.

Laura: True. The Horcrux is like, “That’s rough. Man, I don’t need to do anything. Just let this play out.”

Pam: “He’s already having evil thoughts; it’s fine. Doesn’t need me.”

Andrew: I want to address the bullying that’s going on, this mass scale bullying. I was thinking about this, too, and it’s really upsetting that nobody’s stepping in to be like, “Hey, guys, you shouldn’t bully Harry, because this wasn’t his fault.” Somebody who believes Harry should be saying this; let’s look at Dumbledore. Since Dumbledore believes Harry, and in light of all this bullying, I think Albus should say something at breakfast or dinner. “Harry did not put his name in the Goblet, and you know what? In light of this, we’re actually going to put a pause on the tournament to look into this further.” And actually, by not saying anything to the school, it’s kind of implying that he thinks Harry did put his name in and things should go on as planned; things are normal.

Laura: So what you’re saying is he should have gotten up in front of the whole school and been like, [imitating Michael Gambon] “Harry, you did not put your name in the Goblet of Fire!”

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Andrew: Very clever. Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying.

Pam: This also just feels like really textbook ’90s school behavior; everybody believed in the ’90s that bullying was just going to toughen you up. But then also, it must be tough when Harry even… I mean, this could also be paranoia, but Harry even mentions that he thinks that Professor Sprout is giving him the cold shoulder. So we expect Snape to bully Harry, right? That’s kind of his MO. But if even Professor Sprout is doing it, [laughs] it’s kind of a lost cause. Like, that’s crazy to me.

Laura: Yeah. I also sometimes wonder, because we’re seeing things from Harry’s point of view, how much he might be projecting or assuming.

Pam: Right.

Laura: Of all these characters, I feel like Professor Sprout is the least likely to be participating in giving Harry the cold shoulder, so maybe it’s a little bit of both. Maybe she’s being a little standoffish towards him, but maybe he’s also reading into it a little bit because he’s insecure.

Micah: Right, yeah. I think the challenge for Harry is that he doesn’t have anybody to ground him, right? He’s lost Ron, and Ron would be the person that would normally do that, so he’s literally seeing boogeyman everywhere, right? To draw it to a football analogy, right, they talk about how you’re seeing ghosts out there if you’re a quarterback, and no matter what you do, you’re constantly doing something wrong because you’re just spooked, and I feel like Harry is like that a little bit.

Laura: Yeah, he’s having his Mad-Eye Moody moment, dialed down a lot, but he’s seeing so much bad behavior around him at school that he’s starting to see it everywhere, probably. It’s a good point. And to the point about Ron, Hermione rightly points out that Ron is jealous of Harry. We did talk about this last episode and how this is really just all related to Ron’s insecurities about being left out or not being good enough, but the one good thing that comes out of this interaction is she does convince him to write to Sirius about the news, which seems like a good move.

Micah: Yeah, I also think she reveals something to Harry that I don’t know that he is very aware of, and that’s the fact that his fame has impact on other people, particularly his friends, and most importantly, Ron. And she’s trying to convey that; I don’t know that he fully gets it in this moment, but it’s an important point for her to raise.

Pam: Yeah, he just thinks that because he doesn’t like it, it’s obsolete, right? He’s not encouraging it, he’s not a fan of it, so he feels like that should be enough. But you’re right; maybe it’s not enough for Ron, and that’s what Hermione is gently trying to show him.

Andrew: Yeah. Of course, we have to remember they’re younger, so Ron doesn’t fully see it yet. But I think we’ve all heard over the years – Pam, you’ve worked in the world of Hollywood – we often hear how celebrities hate being celebrities because there’s so much attention on you at all times. You get no privacy. Fame is terrible! We all want it, the grass is always greener, but it’s actually terrible, and Ron is too young to understand this right now. And Ron is actually in this ideal position, I think, as Harry’s BFF because he gets to have the cool/famous person as his best friend, but then he doesn’t have to deal with being the Chosen One and getting all the attention himself.

Pam: Yeah. He still gets the spotlight sometimes, though, by proxy of all of these adventures. Anytime the trio saves the school, it’s never just Dumbledore only awarding Harry all of the glory. He always includes the other people that were players, right?

Andrew: That’s true. He is getting a taste.

Pam: So it’s not like a “None for Gretchen Wieners.”

[Everyone laughs]

Pam: It’s literally everybody that’s involved gets the spotlight. So yeah, it’s a very interesting take for him to have.

Micah: But for the most part, I think, at least at this stage, Ron feels like he plays second fiddle to Harry. And Hermione even brings up the fact of his brothers and how he’s also dealing with this at home, and now he has to deal with this at school. And this behavior doesn’t just happen in this book; we really see it come to fruition in Deathly Hallows.

Laura: Yeah, this is resonating with the Discord, too; LC is saying, “Ron is the Gail to Harry’s Oprah.”

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Laura: LegalizeGillyweed said, “Always a bridesmaid,” a.k.a. never a bride. So yeah, I think we’re on to something here. But I do want to call out some of what Harry actually experiences in classes after being selected as the fourth champion. So there’s a connecting the threads moment I wanted to call out in Herbology, because in that lesson Ernie MacMillan and Justin Finch-Fletchley laugh unpleasantly when a bouncing bulb smacks Harry in the face, when two years ago these two actually distrusted Harry, believing that he was the Heir of Slytherin, and ended up having to apologize to him when they realized he wasn’t. So how quickly the tables have turned. [laughs] Again.

Pam: How quickly Harry forgets that they’re fickle, too, right?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: And I think the reason this happens is in part because Harry is just so distracted, right? He’s not paying attention to the work that he’s doing and all of a sudden he gets hit in the face, and Ernie and Justin take advantage of the situation to make fun of him.

Laura: Then he’s even struggling in Charms, where they’re very conveniently learning Summoning Charms, and Harry is so distracted by everything going on this chapter that he’s really struggling picking up on Summoning Charms, and he gets assigned extra homework. The only other person in class who gets assigned extra homework is, of course, Neville. I always find it interesting how these two… we know they’re on parallel journeys, and one could have been the other, so it’s just interesting when we get these nods along the way of them experiencing similar story beats in their life, if you will. Even Hedwig is ticked off at Harry; he can’t use her to send owls to Sirius anymore, and when he tells her that… she literally lands, stretches out her leg, and is like, “Here, I’ll take your letter, Dad.” And he was like, “No, I can’t use you,” and she’s ticked off at him. I mean, I get it. It’s not even just this; he’s been kind of a jerk to her for a couple chapters now, so it’s justified, right, Andrew?

Andrew: Yeah, and Harry could’ve just said, “Hey, this is for your safety too. This isn’t just for the security between me and Sirius. We’ve got to protect you; you could be intercepted and killed!”

Laura: Too soon.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: It is not too soon. [laughs]

Laura: And then the real, I think, blow comes with the buttons that the Slytherin students are wearing. Harry encounters them in Double Potions with the Slytherins; it’s those buttons that say “Support Cedric Diggory, the real Hogwarts champion,” and when they press them, the text changes to “Potter stinks.” [laughs] How rude.

Andrew: Again, mass scale bullying that this was allowed to be dispersed amongst the students and not stopped. I’m thinking ahead, too; was this ever stopped? I don’t think so.

Laura: No.

Andrew: It’s sad.

Micah: Cedric is the one who really steps in, right?

Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: But no professor, and that’s disappointing. I mean, we can imagine here in the Muggle world, if this type of thing was going on, faculty would be doing something about it.

Micah: Especially in this day and age. Somebody brought up earlier how this is happening in the ’90s, and certainly… let’s just think about… we’re going to get to Snape’s behavior. That would be written up; Snape would probably be… good chance he gets fired for what he does. So things were much different in the ’90s than they are here in 2024. But the theme that’s running through here, though, is that Harry’s schoolwork is being impacted by how much he is being bullied. So I didn’t know if there’s anything else we wanted to say about that, because we know that you can make comparisons to real life situations where people are going through bullying and it impacts their job, it impacts their school life, and impacts their home life. And these are just two very small examples with Herbology and then with Charms, but it’s clear it’s having an impact on him.

Andrew: Yeah, and it has an impact on you long term, too, right? It could negatively impact your social skills later in life, how secure you are in yourself later in life… this stuff has a lasting impact.

Laura: At least he’s exempt from end of year exams?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Pam: I was thinking about that too. I wonder if the faculty just doesn’t care because he doesn’t even have to sit for his exams anyway.

Andrew: Aww. But… oh, no.

Pam: That is very sad. I agree with you.

Andrew: Yeah. Well, then why should he be going through these classes at all?

Pam: Yeah, maybe they just think he’s coasting because of that, though. He’s like, “Okay.”

Andrew: Is this what it comes down to for the other students? They want to bully him because they’re jealous they don’t have to deal with final exams?

Pam: Well, Ron says that, right? In the previous chapter.

Andrew: Does he?

Laura: He does.

Pam: He’s like, “Oh, you don’t even have to sit for exams, and you could win money.”

Andrew: So is that the thinking amongst all students? I guess so. I guess that’s one factor.

Micah: Meanwhile, Neville just sucks at Charms. [laughs]

Pam: Poor Neville.

Laura: But see, Neville… see, here’s the thing: Harry right now is experiencing maybe a more mass scale version of what Neville deals with all the time, which explains why Neville does so poorly in a lot of his classes. If you had to live like that, of course it’s going to have an impact, just like you said, Micah. Since we’re in Potions, we have to talk about Harry and Draco trying to start an impromptu dueling club in the Potions classroom. So Draco calls Hermione a Mudblood, and Harry and Draco then proceed to attack each other. Their spells actually end up colliding in midair and they ricochet off each other and end up hitting Goyle and Hermione in the face. So the spell that Harry sent that ended up hitting Goyle in the face was Fernunculus, which is the pimple jinx; Goyle’s face erupts in these boils. And then the hex that Malfoy sent was the Densaugeo hex, which is a teeth enlargement hex. Comes from Latin; “dens” is teeth and then “augeo” is increase. So this is particularly, I think, adding insult to injury for Hermione, who has already been noted several times throughout this series as having larger than average front teeth, so this is just exaggerating something that she’s probably already been teased for before.

Andrew: Yeah, and just the way Snape responds to this is really sickening.

Laura: Yeah, he basically tells Goyle, “Go to the hospital wing,” and when Ron is trying to show… is it Ron or is it Harry? One of them’s trying to show Snape, “Hey, look, he got Hermione, too.” And Snape looks at her – her teeth are down past her collar at this point – and Snape just says, “I don’t see a difference,” and Hermione runs off crying.

Andrew: Unreal.

Laura: I know. This is a 14-year-old girl.

Pam: It’s wild, yeah.

Laura: I would be traumatized.

Pam: The thing is, too, you expect him to say nasty things to Harry because he has… I guess you could argue he has a reason, right? He’s harboring ill intent.

Laura: Right.

Pam: But Hermione shows up to class, answers all of his questions… for all intents and purposes, he should be fine with her. So what is the point of him exacerbating the bullying in this instance? Because everyone’s already laughing at her too.

Micah: Yeah, he seems to have a really nasty spot for Hermione. I’m not sure why. I don’t know. Maybe it is because she’s Muggle-born that he has this… because let’s not forget, he was a Death Eater at one time, right?

Pam: But he’s also a half-blood.

Micah: Well, that didn’t stop Voldemort, either.

Pam: That’s true, but he should have some sympathy as a result. But it’s probably harboring some self-hatred there, right?

Andrew: Yeah, she’s guilty…

Pam: Or maybe she reminds him too much of Lily.

Andrew: That’s what I was just going to say, yeah. Maybe there’s a little bit of that going on. We know that’s why he struggles with being nice to Harry, but also, Hermione is just guilty by association to Harry. She’s Harry’s friend, so that’s enough reason for Snape to get annoyed, unfortunately.

Micah: I mean, in today’s society that would have been recorded on a cell phone, Snape would have probably been suspended pending investigation…

Pam: That’s probably why there’s no cell phones allowed at Hogwarts.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Andrew: Well, yeah, and just… with a competent headmaster… sorry. You guys are starting to wear me down on Dumbledore.

Micah: Slowly.

Laura: Finally.

[Pam laughs]

Andrew: Somebody would have reported that, and there would have been some action.

Laura: We only had to get halfway through the series, but we’ve finally done it.

Andrew: That said, does this ever get back to Dumbledore? Probably not. A student needs to take this to McGonagall or Dumbledore. Harry could have done it, Ron, Hermione…

Pam: It’s interesting she doesn’t do it, because she also… I know this is getting ahead, but if you look at even what happens in Order of the Phoenix, she’s encouraging Harry to tell an adult, and she clearly is not taking her own advice at this point, so that to me is interesting as well.

Laura: Oh, I didn’t think about that. That is so interesting.

Micah: In the Discord, Becky said, “I wonder what Dumbledore or McGonagall’s reaction would have been if they had overheard Snape saying that.” We do get a bit of McGonagall in the… was it the previous chapter? When Snape starts throwing shade at Harry, she throws him a look. So I just don’t think Snape would have likely said that if either of those two were present. He knows better.

Laura: Yeah, I think you’re right. He probably would have just said nothing in response to that and tended to Malfoy and Goyle and ignored the Gryffindors and let McGonagall deal with them.

Micah: I’m wondering now too, though, do you think he’s maybe in the back of his mind playing out the whole Malfoy/Mad-Eye situation and saying, “One of mine got taken advantage of, so in this situation I’m just going to be a complete asshat to Hermione”?

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: True. I also just find this – a little bit of a tangent – but I find the choice in attack very interesting here, because you would think that somebody like Malfoy who has these dark allegiances that he claims to have would come up with something a little bit more serious than a teeth enlargement hex. I think it’s really funny that Harry is like, “Pimples!” And then Malfoy is like, “Oh, yeah? Well, I’m going to make your teeth big!”

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Pam: Well, I don’t know how you all imagined this reading it for the first time, but the idea of this was really terrifying to me because I always thought that the teeth are growing curved, and so it’s like, would they at some point grow big enough to puncture her neck?

Laura: Oh my God.

Andrew: Eww.

Laura: I didn’t think about that. I thought about it like walrus teeth; you know how they grow out really long and straight?

Pam: I mean, that makes so much more sense. I don’t know. I guess had a very colorful imagination as a child, but I always thought that maybe…

Laura: But some animals’ teeth do grow like that.

Pam: I guess it was because they describe them like a beaver, right? And beavers’ teeth are kind of curved, so all I could imagine was the teeth curving towards at least her breastbone.

Laura: That is even scarier.

Andrew: Yeah, this is freaking me out.

[Laura laughs]

Pam: I’m telling you, I was really disturbed reading this as a child.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Laura: Well, Harry definitely feels some kind of way about this too. And Pam, earlier on in the episode, you said Harry has some evil thoughts this chapter. We’re about to get into one of those. There’s this part right after the events of this ricochet of hexes and jinxes onto Goyle and Hermione where Harry and Ron both get detention and both get points taken from Gryffindor because they’re yelling very colorful things at Snape in protest of what he’s done. Harry thinks, “If only he knew how to do the Cruciatus Curse… he’d have Snape flat on his back like that spider, jerking and twitching…” And for this, I’ve got to ask a “What if?”

[“What if?” sound effect plays]

Andrew: We have sound effects here, Pam.

[Everyone laughs]

Pam: It’s so exciting. Wow.

Laura: So what if Harry knew how to do the Cruciatus Curse? Is he actually angry enough in this moment to mean it?

Micah: I think he’s angry, but I don’t know that he’s mature enough to cast this spell. And I’m just thinking about Order of the Phoenix as a reference point; Bellatrix only experiences what’s referenced as a brief moment of terrible pain. And this was after she murdered Sirius right in front of Harry, so if in that moment, all Harry can do is give her five seconds of pain, I don’t think Snape’s treatment of Hermione is enough for him to really cast a meaningful Cruciatus Curse against Snape. However, I do think it’s interesting he’s already thinking about using spells that Moody taught him just a couple chapters ago. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, and I just think he would need the courage and the focus to do this on a professor. And this would be a huge deal if he conducted an Unforgivable Curse on a professor; he could potentially be expelled for this. What’s his line of attack on Snape after the fact? Like, “Oh, he insulted Hermione”? That’s not enough to make the Cruciatus Curse okay.

Pam: Aren’t they illegal too? Does he go to the equivalent of juvie for the wizarding world for this?

Laura: Right, you would think so.

Andrew: And let alone on a professor. Like, oh my God.

Pam: Right.

Laura: But two chapters ago, a professor was teaching these curses openly to fourth year students and nothing happened.

Andrew: Yeah, but that was for educational purposes, so it’s okay.

[Pam laughs]

Laura: I’m sure whatever gets flagged at the Ministry when those curses are used come with notations of what the intent was. Like, “This was purely educational; I only killed a spider. No biggie.”

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Micah: I also think it can be really bad for Harry in the moment, too. Let’s not forget Snape is a Legilimens and an extremely well-accomplished wizard. If he even senses that that’s coming, his reaction in that moment could be very, very bad for Harry.

Andrew: Yeah, acting in self defense, for sure.

Micah: And he would like nothing better, I’m sure.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. In a way, it’s almost like he’s tempting Harry, like he wants Harry to lash out. He thinks he’s just as irresponsible as James. Well, speaking of major mistakes, we are going to discuss Rita Skeeter in one moment, but first we’re going to take a quick break. We’ll Floo right back.

[Ad break]

Laura: Well, we’re back, and the beetle has landed, which means we are going to talk about Rita Skeeter. But first, just need to give a quick shout-out to Colin Creevey here, because he actually comes and fetches Harry right in the nick of time to get him out of Double Potions and this really contentious encounter with Snape to go off for a champions photoshoot. And I wanted to ask, who remembers Nigel from the Goblet of Fire movie? He was the composite replacement for Colin and Dennis Creevey. Do you remember him? That little blonde kid that was bringing people stuff and taking Harry places?

Micah and Pam: Yeah.

Andrew: Ohh.

Pam: He was like, Ron’s secretary, right? Yes.

Andrew: Ron’s secretary.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Andrew: And he’s in Order of the Phoenix.

Laura: Yep. Yeah, I mean, he basically replaces the Creevey brothers. We don’t see Colin Creevey after the second movie.

Andrew: Why is that, I wonder?

Laura: Probably because it was just cleaner from a writing perspective to have one character serve this function. I don’t know why it couldn’t have just been Colin, though.

Andrew: Right.

Laura: They could have left Dennis out entirely.

Andrew: Maybe Hugh Mitchell, the actor, wanted too much money or something.

[Laura and Pam laugh]

Andrew: Did he get himself in trouble? I don’t know. This is surprising.

Pam: They were budget cuts at Hogwarts. [laughs] They couldn’t afford.

Andrew: They managed to hang on to every major actor except for Hugh Mitchell for some reason.

[Pam laughs]

Andrew: Well, I guess they weren’t… they held on to the major actors but couldn’t hang on to Hugh Mitchell for Colin Creevey.

Pam: That’s why, because they had to hold on to the main actors. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, “We don’t have any more money for you, Hugh. Sorry.”

Laura: Bring in Nigel. Well, Harry arrives at this champions’ gathering for a photoshoot, but he is pretty quickly whisked away by Rita Skeeter, who we’ve heard a lot about in this book, but we’re actually seeing her for the first time now. And she settles in with him for a cozy interview in a broom cupboard. Why?

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Micah: Why not?

Andrew: Well, I think it’s because by taking him away from the others, she gets to interview him in private and write whatever she wants, and then nobody will be able to say, “Hey, Harry didn’t say that. Harry didn’t cry.” There’s no proof other than Harry’s word that her reporting is inaccurate.

Micah: And I would have to assume that a broom cupboard is somewhat traumatic or triggering for Harry to have this kind of conversation in, especially given what they’re about to talk about. I’m sure maybe not in this moment, but later he’s having flashbacks to living under the stairs at Number Four Privet Drive.

Pam: Yeah. And I feel like this is one of the moments when the movie-ism does a really good job of literally telling us this, because the actress that plays Rita Skeeter says, “You should feel right at home” when they get into the broom cupboard.

Laura: [gasps] I forgot about that.

Andrew: Oh, yeah. [laughs]

Laura: Oh my God.

Micah: That’s a really good call-out.

Laura: Well, Pam, you are a journalist, so I’m very curious for your take on Miss Rita Skeeter here.

Pam: [laughs] I mean, I don’t claim her, if that’s what you’re asking.

Laura: [laughs] No, not at all. I’m curious for your view on this brand of journalism, because unfortunately, journalists like this do exist. I mean, we’ve talked before about how Rita Skeeter is really most likely a representation of the British tabloids.

Pam: I think you’re right. And the tabloid culture in the UK specifically is way different than what we experience here in the United States, so I think that’s probably a good reason why this is the particular representation that we get in the books. But it’s interesting because we also don’t hear about a lot of other publications in the wizarding world as part of the series, so we’re led to believe that the Daily Prophet is fairly reputable as a result of the fact that that’s the newspaper that most students get brought in. But then if you have somebody like Rita Skeeter that is contributing, at the very least, to the publication, it sort of ruins the credibility. But I mean, I guess at the end of the day, that sets up things very nicely for how we see the reputability of the Daily Prophet progress as we get further and further into the series, because they slowly start becoming more of a propaganda newspaper than an actual reliable piece of news.

Andrew: And on a related note, isn’t it shocking, Pam, that Rita doesn’t seemingly have an editor at the Prophet to fact check her? I mean, she’s getting names wrong, too, in previous articles in this book.

Pam: Yeah. The name wrong thing, it makes my eye twitch only because back when I was still going to school for journalism, you could fail out of a class for getting names wrong.

Andrew: Oh, wow.

Pam: It was an automatic zero, because they really wanted to drive in the fact that it’s very important to get names right whenever you’re reporting on anything, at the very least.

Andrew: Yeah, because if you can’t get that right, what else is wrong in this article?

Pam: I know someone who failed a midterm because they misspelled Gavin Newsom’s name.

Andrew: Ohh.

Pam: It was a policy in the department, yeah. And that was like a cold shower for everyone that was in school at the time, because yeah, they took that very seriously. So it’s wild to me that she was just like, “Who cares? Let’s just spell the names of the other champions however I want.”

Laura: Not at the Daily Prophet. They don’t care.

Micah: No. Well, Rita sells papers; I think that’s really what it comes down to at the end of the day. We can talk about morality or journalistic integrity, but as Pam just mentioned, we see the Daily Prophet slowly slip into becoming a mouthpiece for the Ministry in later books, so this should give us a taste of what to expect from them moving forward. And I’ve always kind of seen Rita as… I don’t know, is she a freelancer? I don’t really think she’s on staff. She reminds me almost of somebody who would be an op-ed journalist for a major paper, and maybe that’s why she’s not held in check as much.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: I guess so. But still, the Prophet‘s reputation is on the line, so they have every reason to be editing her or making sure her articles are accurate. But yeah, like you said, she does sell papers, seemingly, and so I guess the Prophet feels stuck. But as we’re also saying here, this is an early warning sign of corruption at the Prophet and the Ministry.

Micah: This might be going a step too far, but I could almost see Rita as somebody who has dirt on somebody high up in the Daily Prophet

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Micah: … just given the type of journalism she is known for, and she uses that to her advantage to continue to write for them.

Andrew: I like that.

Laura: Yeah. She has compromising pictures of someone.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Andrew: Ohh, Fudge. Definitely Fudge.

Micah: And it could be Ludo.

Andrew: Oh, Ludo too. Yeah, Ludo is always down for a party.

[Laura and Pam laugh]

Laura: Well, during their broom cupboard interview, Rita tries to goad Harry into admitting he entered his name for the tournament. And all the while, her quill is actively embellishing their conversation, and she’s speaking so fast and changing the subject so much, it’s clearly disorienting for Harry, and that feels intentional. It feels like the choice of setting, the rapid fire questions, the Quick Quotes Quill, all of it is designed to knock Harry off his game.

Pam: She’s asking very leading questions, too. They’re all designed for him to just kind of say, “Yeah, I guess,” and then she can say, “Well, he agreed to my specific phrasing, so now I can quote him as using that phrasing, even if he didn’t say it, so…”

Laura: Yeah. And he’s not in the right frame of mind for this anyway, right, Micah?

Micah: No, I think we saw that earlier on in the chapter just with how he’s not performing up to his usual standards in class. And now he gets called away and thrown into this photoshoot, and there’s Rita; Ludo offers him up no problem. So going off of our conversation from last week, if we’re looking at the suspect list, this is somewhat of a suspect move on the part of Ludo. I know Ludo wants to make this the biggest thing following the Quidditch World Cup, but it seems a little bit suspicious, right? Like, “No problem, you can have the Chosen One, you can sit down and interview him, you can leave the room with him…”

Andrew: Exactly, in private. “Take him away to wherever you want for as long as you want.” Normally, people get media training so they figure out how to handle the press. There’s a limited amount of time that they have with the person so they can’t ask too many questions.

Micah: Yeah, and…

Andrew: But also… go ahead.

Micah: No, I think that also speaks to the maturity level, too, of these contestants, right? We talk about are they prepared from a competition standpoint, but are they also prepared for things like this? Harry is very young, whereas the other three are several years older than him, and I’m not saying they’ve had media training, but they wouldn’t just walk off with Rita into a private broom cupboard to have a conversation, nor would they probably put up with a lot of what she’s throwing out there.

Pam: Well, and technically, they’re of age, too, right? 17 is how old you have to be to enter, and so they’re all 17; that’s the legal age. So I think that this is a prime example of how Harry gets lost in the crossfire of all of that as a result of just not needing to be there in the first place. He shouldn’t have been allowed to enter, and he also, unfortunately, does not have an adult to take care of him. Nobody at home… the Dursleys are not going to object to a smear campaign in the paper.

Micah: They’d love it. [laughs]

Pam: Yeah, they’d be like, “We always knew he was rotten.” I think there’s a couple of different things at play here.

Micah: And I’ll just throw this out there. Maybe it was the way it was written – and it’s not just these two; there’s another pair coming up a little bit later on – but I thought maybe something’s going on between Ludo and Rita.

Andrew: Really.

Laura: What makes you think that?

Micah: It was just the way it was written, the way that they were talking to each other when Harry first comes in and then all of a sudden Ludo is more than game to just offer Harry up to her.

Laura: Interesting. At the very least, there’s a conflict of interest one way or another.

Andrew: Yeah. Or maybe Rita has something on Ludo, so Ludo has to be extra nice to her and she just leans into it for her own personal enjoyment.

Laura: Or both.

Andrew and Pam: Yeah.

Andrew: LegalizeGillyweed said their new ship is Rudo.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: I love that. Well, fortunately for Harry, things don’t go too far before Dumbledore finally comes to the rescue. Thanks for showing up, man. I do wonder how Dumbledore knew exactly where Harry and Rita were. Maybe he has some Dumbledore-esque version of the Marauder’s Map…

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Laura: … where he can detect where people are at all times, and he sees Harry Potter and Rita Skeeter practically on top of each other in this broom cupboard.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: That would be cause for alarm.

Laura: Yeah, he’s like, “I gotta go.”

Pam: He can see through the Invisibility Cloak, right? He can see through the cloak, so maybe he can see through walls. Who knows?

Laura: Right. Well, we get a blast from the past when Harry gets back to the photoshoot event. Mr. Ollivander is there, and it’s because he is going to be performing the weighing of the wands, which is to evaluate the conditions of the champions’ wands to make sure that they’re in proper condition in order for the champions to compete with those wands. Is it a conflict of interest that only a British wandmaker is performing this evaluation? Two out of the four wands are not created in Britain.

Andrew: So I could see why it could be, but two things here: Perhaps this speaks to how Ollivander is respected on the wizarding world stage, and another factor is maybe Ollivander was selected as evaluator in advance of the school signing on to the Triwizard Tournament, so they knew that he would be the one doing the inspections, and so that’s why Maxime and Karkaroff aren’t surprised to see him there. But that said, given the surprise of Harry’s name coming out of the Goblet and accusations being floated that the game was rigged, it’s actually kind of surprising that Karkaroff and Maxime don’t raise any concerns, in light of what happened with the Goblet.

Micah: It is happening at Hogwarts, though, and so that’s where my head went. He is the most renowned British wandmaker. Who else would you have in this situation?

Andrew: Yeah, hosting country gets to have their wandmaker.

Micah: Yeah, exactly. It’s the host school.

Andrew: That makes sense to me.

Laura: But he talks smack about Viktor and Fleur’s wands. He makes a couple of…

Micah: Just a little gamesmanship.

Laura: Yeah, a couple of salty comments.

Andrew: Weren’t Dumbledore and Ollivander talking before Ollivander came down? So Dumbledore was probably encouraging him to [imitating Dumbledore] “Talk a little smack, just a little bit; just get them riled up for me, please?”

[Laura and Pam laugh]

Andrew: “I love when that kind of thing happens.”

Laura: Well, we learn a little bit more about the other three champions through hearing more about their wands, but we do get confirmation that Fleur is part Veela. Her wand core is a single Veela hair, and in fact, it is one of her grandmother’s hairs. So that, I thought, was just an interesting piece of color to put in the story, because I don’t think we ever see anybody else in this series with human hair – or I don’t want to say Veelas aren’t human, but to say humanoid hair – in their wand core, do we? She’s the only one.

Micah: Believe so.

Pam: I’m mostly just curious about how that happens. Do they just custom make a wand?

Laura: I guess so.

Pam: I mean, in their case, then, the wand does not choose them. Right?

Andrew: Oh.

Laura: Yeah. And Ollivander does say that Veela hair as a wand core can make a wand very temperamental, which I think is intended to be a reflection on Fleur’s character, fair or unfair. I mean, we’ve also established that there’s definitely some xenophobia in the characterizations of French characters and Eastern European characters happening in this book. So we also get a little bit of a foreshadowing alert.

[Foreshadowing sound effect plays]

Micah: Pam, do you like it’s like an ice cream truck and then a cuckoo clock?

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: It’s like something you would hear in a Simpsons video game.

Pam: Sounded like I was in Disneyland.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Laura: So we get another info dump; I know we’ve been chatting about these as they’ve come up. We got a really detailed description of the night Harry’s parents died and the order in which they died, which becomes really important later on. But we also get an info re-dump reminding us of the relationship between Harry and Voldemort’s wands. Harry thinks that he’s “very fond of his wand, and as far as he was concerned, its relation to Voldemort’s wand was something it couldn’t help,”, just like him. He just doesn’t know that he’s making the connection. He’s connecting the threads and he doesn’t even know it.

Micah: Yeah, I would have never remembered this moment either. But certainly now, reading the chapter again, knowing what’s coming at the end of this book, it’s super important that this is brought up here.

Andrew: Definitely. And it is stated here that Ollivander “spent much longer examining Harry’s wand than anyone else’s,” and I was wondering if maybe this is concern from him or Dumbledore. Remember, I mentioned a few minutes ago that Dumbledore and Ollivander were talking privately. Maybe this is concern from one of them that someone is rigging Harry’s wand in light of what happened with the Goblet, and other concerns, other hijinks that have been afoot around the wizarding world. Or maybe Ollivander is simply just thinking back to his meeting with Harry in Diagon Alley.

Micah: The other thing, too, is Ollivander goes into much more detail on the other three wands, whereas with Harry’s, I’m curious if Dumbledore gave him instructions not to talk loudly about the history of the wand and what’s at its core, because even Harry notes that that would be a story in and of itself. And if you have Rita in the room, and she decides, “Oh, I’m going to run with this story, Harry and Voldemort’s wands share the same core,” can you imagine? That would have been front page news.

Andrew: Yeah. “Is Harry the new Voldemort?”

Micah: Right.

Pam: They might have also just thought that of course this is why Dumbledore is letting Harry compete, because doesn’t the phoenix feather come from Fawkes, right? Who’s owned by Dumbledore, so there’s another connection there.

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Pam: And so I don’t know; maybe he’s just trying to cut Harry some slack.

Micah: That would be another juicy nugget.

Laura: Oh, yeah. That would be another reason for Karkaroff and Madame Maxime to call this whole thing as rigged. Like, “Hogwarts gets two champions, one of the two champions has a wand core that actually came from Dumbledore’s own phoenix… it’s rigged.”

Pam: He’s been planning this for 14 years. [laughs] However old Harry is in Goblet of Fire.

Laura: Yeah. [laughs] Stop the count. Yeah, and the chapter ultimately ends with Harry receiving a reply from Sirius, so we’ll pick up next chapter and see what the results of that communication are going to be.

Andrew: All right, we have some Odds and Ends, including a little more on the Quick Quotes Quill, but first, we’re going to take a quick break, and we’ll be right back.

[Ad break]


Odds & Ends


Laura: All right, so I have a question: How does the Quick Quotes Quill work? And I don’t know how to ask this without it sounding suggestive, so I apologize…

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: … but it is noted that every time Rita uses this thing, she has to suck on the tip of the quill before she can use it. And I don’t get it.

Andrew: It is a gross visual. It reminds me of someone dipping a quill in ink; maybe that’s what Rowling was going for here. It’s like what she has to do to activate it, and I’m also wondering if it becomes loyal to whoever sucks it? [makes a disgusted sound]

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: It’s just gross.

Micah: No, I think there’s something to that. It’s almost like it’s taking a part of her into the quill so that it… to your point, it’s a loyalty factor, right? It’s going to then write on her behalf what’s inside of her mind.

Andrew: Yeah, inside of her mind and favorably towards Rita. Case in point, the quill’s reporting calls Rita an attractive blonde. [laughs]

Pam: Well, maybe that’s how she perceives herself, right?

Andrew: Right.

Pam: So to Micah’s point, that’s what I was thinking, too, is that maybe it pulls her own train of thought. Because then if not, it’s basically like the equivalent of AI writing your article for you.

Laura: Oh, she would totally use ChatGPT.

[Andrew laughs]

Pam: Yeah, probably. [laughs] But that would make sense to me.

Laura: Yeah, that makes sense. I feel a little bit better about this now. When it was mentioned twice in the same chapter, I was like, “This makes me uncomfortable,” especially with the broom cupboard and… bleh.

Micah: Well, when you’re relying on me to keep it clean, you know there’s a problem.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Well, yeah, that’s true. And that was the other thing, Micah; I was like, “Not to be too delicate about it, but I don’t know how to ask this question without it turning into a gutter conversation,” so I appreciate everyone for being adults about this. [laughs]

Andrew: I was tempted to try and replicate the sound, what that must sound like when she’s sucking the quill…

[Pam laughs]

Laura: Noo!

Andrew: But yeah, the people who hate ASMR would never listen to the show again, I think.

Micah: Well, I can take it into a slightly more… not dirty, but a more mature direction here with Fleur and Cedric, because it seems like there’s some flirting going on here. And I don’t know if it’s just gamesmanship on the part of Fleur to try and use her looks to maybe falsely lure Cedric into… I don’t know what she’s trying to lure him into, but use your mind.

Andrew: Maybe focusing less on the tournament.

Micah: Less focus, yeah.

Laura: Or maybe she just likes him.

Pam: Yeah, he is described as handsome.

Micah: Yeah, they’re both attractive, so yeah.

Andrew: Who doesn’t love Edward Cullen?

Laura: [laughs] Doesn’t she try to turn on her charm to get him to ask her to the Yule Ball later on in the story?

Pam: Oh, does she? Interesting.

Laura: Yeah, and I think she hits Ron with it, and then, remember, Ron then has his meltdown?

[Pam laughs]

Laura: Because he asks her.

Micah: Ohh.

Laura: So maybe that’s what she’s doing here. But honestly, I couldn’t really pick up any vibes from Cedric. I don’t know if he was picking up on it, if it was one-sided. Did anyone else have any feelings there?

Pam: Hard to tell, because he’s a Hufflepuff. He’s probably just nice to everyone.

Andrew: Aww.

Laura: And he is. Well, we also get a Gregorovitch mention. Gregorovitch is of course the wandmaker who made Viktor Krum’s wand, and this is a really important name when we get into the last book of this series, so stay tuned for that. And who had this Hogwarts Legacy nod?

Micah: So probably the most important thing that happens in the entire chapter…

[Laura laughs]

Micah: … when Harry and Hermione are going for their morning stroll, Harry tosses toast into the Black Lake and the giant squid chows down on it. And I thought that Hogwarts Legacy did a really nice job with this, because I didn’t choose Slytherin, but I believe it’s a Slytherin-specific task. Is that true?

Andrew: Maybe?

Laura: I didn’t get to do this.

Micah: I didn’t either. Or were you Slytherin, Laura?

Laura: No, I was Ravenclaw.

Micah: I was Ravenclaw. I think it’s only a Slytherin task.

Andrew: I was Slytherin. I guess that’s sort of ringing a bell. My clearest memory of the giant squid was when you’re doing the broom training, I guess it is, and you see the squid tentacles pop up, but…

Micah: Yeah, that you do see, but I think you have to leave toast for the giant squid.

Andrew: We’re getting yeses from people. Yeah. That’s fun. Did I do that? I guess I did.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Laura: Man, Ravenclaw didn’t get any cool House-specific challenges.

Micah: What did we get? Something in the Owlery, or…?

Laura: Yeah, it was just the Jackdaw mission.

Micah: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Laura: And they changed that mission slightly for each House. But when it came to little nods like this one, we didn’t get any of that, and I’m mad. [laughs]

Micah: No. I mean, Eric got to go to Azkaban with Hufflepuff.

Andrew: I watched that on YouTube. I was so curious.

Laura: Was it worth it? Should I replay as a Hufflepuff so I can experience it, or…?

Andrew: Eh, it’s okay. It wasn’t as detailed as you might think.

Micah: Don’t make yourself a Hufflepuff.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I’ve been actually wanting to replay the game. I kind of miss it. Just replay from the start, but maybe a different House.

Laura and Micah: Me too.


MVP of the Week


Andrew: All right, well, that does it for the chapter, and now it’s time for MVP of the Week.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: I’m going to give it to Dumbledore for stepping into the Rita interview and being honest about how terrible her profile on him was in a previous piece. He says that piece was “enchantingly nasty… I particularly enjoyed your description of me as an obsolete dingbat.” [laughs]

Laura: These are the best Dumbledore moments, when he gets to be so charming, but also…

Andrew: Savage?

[Pam laughs]

Laura: … call somebody out, yeah. I’m going to give it to Krum, mainly because I see a lot of myself in him in the way he’s characterized as being surly, not wanting to be there, because frequently when I find myself at any kind of function like the one that they’re in this chapter, I don’t want to be there, so I identified with this, so Krum all the way.

Micah: I’m going to give it to Ollivander for his field work, and this is when he’s talking about Cedric’s wand. He mentions that he had to pluck a hair from the tail of a male unicorn, and he lived to tell the tale.

Laura: Good job.

Pam: And I’m going to give it to Hermione for being a good friend and also dealing with stupid boys, because that must have been really exhausting.

Laura: She’s not an owl.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

[MVP of the Week music ends]

Micah: I’m wondering, now that I just said that, can we connect the threads between Cedric having a unicorn tail core of his wand and the unicorn that was killed in Sorcerer’s Stone?

Andrew: Oh, wow.

Laura: Aw, yeah, because they’re so pure.

Andrew: Yeah, we can connect that. Stitch that up.

Micah: We need a connecting the threads sound effect.

[Pam laughs]

Laura: We don’t have one. It needs to be like, a stringed instrument.

Pam: Like a little harp.

Andrew: Just somebody knitting.

[Laura and Pam laugh]

Andrew: Listeners, if you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can contact us by using our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. Next week, we’ll have Chapter 19, “The Hungarian Horntail,” and then after that will be our Muggle Mail episode, Episode 650. Another landmark episode will be a mailbag episode. And we have a couple of guests we’re hoping to bring on in the next couple weeks as well, so stay tuned for some additional appearances.


Quizzitch


Andrew: Now it’s time for Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Micah: Last week’s Quizzitch question: Rita Skeeter’s Quick Quotes Quill first describes her by using which adjective? And I think we mentioned this earlier; the correct answer is attractive. Andrew, would you like to do the honors for the first of last week’s winners?

Andrew: Yes, and the note here says “Must be read in Andrew’s Dumbledore impressionist voice.” And this winner was “Welcome, everyone, to the Die-Wizard Tournament!”

[Micah and Pam laugh]

Micah: How do I follow that? The rest of the winners included Insert attractive blonde joke here; Colonel Fubster; Call Me Neville; Elizabeth K.; Attractive brunette; Buff Daddy; Drarryfan1; Harry’s fourth year head lice; Jenn Penn; Katie from Hufflepuff; LC; MegaNerd Sarah; One of the ghosts of Harry’s past that caused his eyes to glisten…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: … Professional Skrewt Walker… yeah, we didn’t talk about that in this chapter, but they do take the Blast-Ended Skrewts for a walk. Rita Rifle Skeeter; Robbie; Sir Kngofkngs; Snape’s best memory; That one scene of Voldemort’s foot caressing Cedric’s face…

[Laura and Pam laugh]

Micah: … The spiders in the broom cupboard embarrassed for Harry as they eavesdrop on the interview; and TofuTomTV. Next week’s Quizzitch question: This is a geography question, in no way shape or form really related to Harry Potter. In honor of next week’s “Hungarian Horntail” chapter, what is the capital of Hungary? And you can submit your answers by going to MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch.

Andrew: Pam, thanks for joining us. We can hear you with Laura and myself on Millennial every Wednesday. Anything else you want to plug?

Pam: I don’t think so. Come hang out with us on Millennial if you’re okay with listening to an explicit podcast – not for the kids – but we have a good time over there.

Andrew: We talk about politics, pop culture, the Millennial lifestyle, and yeah, it was great having you on today.

Pam: Yeah, thanks for having me. It’s always a good time.

Laura: And if you want to hang out with Pam again, she will be back a little bit later this month. Myself, Pam, Chloé, and Meg are going to come together again to do another installment of Girls’ Takeover MuggleCast in honor of Women’s History Month, so keep an eye on our social channels for scheduling around that. It’s going to be super fun. We had a lot of fun last time and we got a lot of really great feedback, so we wanted to do it again.

Andrew: Couple other reminders, visit MuggleCast.com for transcripts, social media links, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes, and to contact us. And if you enjoy MuggleCast and think other Muggle friends would, too, tell your friends about the show, and we’d also appreciate if you left us a review in your favorite podcast app. Also, we have our overstock store; we’ve got goods from MuggleCast and Millennial at MuggleMillennial.etsy.com. You can get the Comfy Cozy Combo Pack, which are our beanie and socks at one reduced price. We have signed album art, we have adulting planners, we have wooden cars inspired by MuggleCast’s 16th birthday, we’ve got T-shirts, and more. Check it all out at MuggleMillennial.etsy.com. And last but not least, this show is brought to you by Muggles like you; we don’t have any fancy corporate or network funding. We aren’t celebrities; we’re just proudly independent podcasters, so you can help us out. If you’re an Apple Podcasts user, you can tap into the show and then you can subscribe to MuggleCast Gold, which gets you ad-free early access to MuggleCast, plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month, including the one that we’re recording shortly after this episode. And then there’s also Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and you’ll get all the benefits of MuggleCast Gold, plus livestreams, our planning docs, the chance to co-host the show one day, a new physical gift every year, the MuggleCast Collector’s Club, a video message from one of the four of us… so many benefits at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. So that does it for this week’s episode. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Pam: And I’m Pamela.

Andrew: Bye, everybody.

Laura, Micah, and Pam: Bye.

Transcript #647

 

MuggleCast 647 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #647, Professor DUMB-ledore (GOF Chapter 17, The Four Champions)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And this week, your Harry Potter friends are putting on their detective caps and trying to figure out who put Harry’s name in the Goblet of Fire. And while we’re at it, can somebody please call Ron a wambulance, please? Today’s intro written by Micah; his opinions are not the… [laughs] blah, blah, blah.

Eric: The exclusive opinions of the rest of us.

Andrew: Do not represent. [laughs]

Eric: No, no, actually, I think this might be a unified front. Don’t we all agree Ron needs the wambulance?

Micah: That’s a hell of a welcome back, Andrew. I thought you would be a little bit nicer upon my return.

[Andrew makes exasperated noises]

Eric: Micah, do you need the wambulance?

Andrew: [laughs] Okay.

Eric: Wahhh…

Andrew: I’m just telling people who wrote the intro. Well, listeners, you’re all excited that Micah is back, right? We love hearing your feedback, especially when one of the hosts returns. Clearly, we all need a pat on the back when we take a week off and come back.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: But I saw this comment on Spotify this week. Potterhobbit wrote on our latest episode, “By far one of the funniest, most laugh out loud episodes I’ve heard in a good while. I may have to listen again because I laughed through parts of the discussion. Also, James Durbin’s single is FIRE!” So thanks, Potterhobbit, for sharing that feedback.

Eric: This was the feedback for the episode that Micah was not on.

Andrew: Right. [laughs]

Eric: Excellent.

Micah: Well, look, only the best can sit in my shoes when I’m not here.

Andrew: There you go. Micah always brings the lols.

Micah: James was great.

Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: He was.

Micah: I really enjoyed him on the show.

Andrew: Spotify users, you can tap into an episode and you’ll see a box asking “What did you think of this episode?”, and then we’ll get that feedback. And we can actually publish it to the episode page, which is really cool, so I published that comment from Potterhobbit. So if you use Spotify, please do drop us some feedback that way. If you’re not on Spotify, or if you are and you want to reach out to us a different way, you can always record a voice memo on your phone and send that to MuggleCast@gmail.com. Or you can write to the same email address, and then there’s also a feedback form on MuggleCast.com. Or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. 1-920-368-4453. And speaking of feedback, it’s been quite a few minutes, but we will finally have a Muggle Mail episode on March 19. We will be recording it March 14, so if you have any feedback about anything, send it on in now and we might include it on that Muggle Mail episode.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: All right, without further ado, it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and we’re discussing Chapter 17 of Goblet of Fire, “The Four Champions.” And we’ll start with our Seven-Word Summary.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Eric: Cedric…

Micah: … fails…

Andrew: … to…

Micah: … be… oh, sorry, I cut off Laura.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: We can go with “be.” That’s fine.

Micah: … the…

Laura: … only…

Andrew: … champion!

Eric: Oh, Cedric fails? I was setting it up so high.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Cedric fails to live by the end of the book.

Eric: Aww.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Yeah, I wasn’t going in that direction. That’s a little dark.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Micah: We wanted to start off with a little bit of fun here, the first discussion being, “Who put your name in the Goblet of Fire, Harry?” And we know that this is really one of the moments from the films that grinds fans’ gears to no end…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: … because Dumbledore rushes into the trophy room, throws Harry up against the trophy case, and screams like Dumbledore has never screamed before.

[Andrew yells an incomprehensible imitation of Michael Gambon’s “Did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire?”]

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: And I don’t… are people actually mad? It’s just turned into a meme at this point, and it’s a very good meme.

Eric: Well, no, I’m still mad, Andrew. I would call this moment divisive, but I’ve actually never met anybody that actually thinks it’s a good decision that was… it was certainly a decision that was made for the film adaptation.

Andrew: True.

Eric: But who thinks that this is okay, honestly?

Andrew: No, it’s not. And I think one reason it’s not okay is because… I’ll quote the book now.

“Dumbledore was now looking down at Harry, who looked right back at him, trying to discern the expression of the eyes behind the half-moon spectacles.

‘Did you put your name into the Goblet of Fire, Harry?’ He asked calmly.”

And I think this can be read in a way that suggests that Dumbledore is reading his mind, and this is why he trusts Harry’s answer when Harry says no. But in the film, if Dumbledore is raging, can he really read Harry’s mind in that moment? It’s probably more difficult to when you’re having a panic attack.

Eric: No, the way that the movie Dumbledore gets results is by physically demanding and threatening and being a threatening presence. It’s the exact opposite of Dumbledore in this book.

Andrew: Right.

Micah: I will say that I always felt the reason behind it was to convey the severity of what had just happened.

Laura: Yeah.

Eric: You don’t need to tell Harry that. Harry thinks he’s going to get creamed.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Yeah, but… look, first off, this may be the one and only time we don’t throw shade in the direction of David Yates, because he did not direct this film, so we can’t blame him for Dumbledore’s actions here.

Eric: Oh, Yates gets the reprieve.

Micah: But it’s a very intense moment. And Andrew, I think you wanted us all to do our best Michael Gambon impersonations. How did we interpret this moment?

Andrew: So we’re all going to take turns doing our best reading of this line as it should be in, let’s say, the TV show. Does anybody want to go first?

Laura: Oh, so we’re not doing wrong answers only? Because I was prepared for wrong answers only.

Andrew: Do a wrong answer. I’m preparing a goofy answer, of course, so…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: So I’m imagining chaos-loving Dumbledore. [said like a gossiping American teenage girl] “Did you put your name into the Goblet of Fire, Harry?”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Gossip queen Dumbledore. [laughs]

Laura: And then he’s like, “XOXO.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: A big ol’ wink. I’m going to try and do it the way that I think Gambon should have delivered the line, okay? [said calmly but seriously] “Harry, did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire? Did you ask another student to do it for you?”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: “No, sir.” “I see. Thank you, Harry. Go stand over there with the others.”

Andrew: Eric just turned on the acting. That was good. Damn.

Eric: I feel like that’s calmly!

Andrew: That’s calmly, yes.

Micah: Yeah, that was very good.

Eric: It’s not like he’s not present in the moment. He’s absolutely… you can be present in the moment without throwing a student against a damn bookcase.

Andrew: Yes, right. Exactly. I can go next. And I actually have Dumbledore’s half-moon spectacles here, so to assume the role fully, I’ll put them on.

Laura: Oh, man.

Eric: Oh, it’s perfect.

Andrew: Yeah, I bought these months ago and I’ve yet to actually use them.

Eric: You know when Andrew brings props to a MuggleCast recording, it’s about to get lit.

Andrew: [laughs] I have this and the Trelawney glasses on standby for any moment.

Eric: Oh, it’s perfect.

Andrew: Okay, so this is what I’m sort of thinking. [laughs] Like, [said in a grown-up friendly way] “So uh, look, Harry, I got a little Q for you. A little question. I’m kinda a bit goblet-curious right now. I was wondering, buddy boy, did you maybe put your name in the ol’ gob-gob over there when no one was looking? Huh? What do you think? Huh?”

Laura: That was very good.

Eric: The ol’ gob-gob?

Micah: The gob-gob.

Eric: Harry, buddy boy.

Andrew: The gob-gob. He’s trying to be friendly and cool.

Laura: Yeah, no, it definitely is giving, like, “Hello, fellow kids.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: That’s Dumbledore trying to be like the cool youth pastor talking to Harry right now. [laughs]

Andrew: “Just let me know. We’re buds, we’re buds. You can be honest.”

Eric: “You know who else had an important cup, Harry? The Lord.”

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Lord Voldemort.

Andrew: Like, “Jesus?” Oh.

Eric: Jesus had an important cup. Anyway.

Andrew: Micah, what do you got for us?

Micah: I almost see it as Dumbledore coming down and staring at Harry, but then all of a sudden, in walks Hagrid…

[Andrew gasps]

Micah: … and brushes Dumbledore aside, and says, [in a southern accent] “Harry, did you go put your name in the Goblet of Fire? I was just drinking out of that earlier and I didn’t see no paper in there.”

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Oh, you brought it back out.

Andrew: Hagrid is doing all of Dumbledore’s dirty work.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: So funny.

Eric: Who…? Does anybody else know… besides, obviously, those who’ve listened to southern Hagrid, but do we know that Micah has all these good accents in him?

Andrew: No. When they come out, it sure is a treat, though.

Micah: So which one do we think is most likely to happen on the TV show?

Andrew: Well, Eric’s for sure.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Well, thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ll accept my Emmy Award next coming season. No, I just think it’s the most likely. In fact, they’d better have a serious, calm version, because I need to see, before I die…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … a live action Dumbledore who is not… this is on my bucket list. Number one item: see a Dumbledore who is collected, and everything is happening to him, but he’s taking it all in. And that’s the nature of Dumbledore in this chapter, is he’s collected. He may not be in control, but he’s just ruling out everything. “Harry, did you do this? No? Okay. Moving on.”

Andrew: Yeah. And trying to read his mind. Now I’m imagining visiting Eric on his deathbed in 50 years, and he’s like, “Andrew, it was so great doing MuggleCast with you for… for… for decades,” [laughs] “but we never got that calm Dumbledore, did we?”

Eric: “We never got it.”

Andrew: I’ll be like, “Eric, I brought my half-moon spectacles for this moment. I’ll do it for you in person one more time.”

Eric: Ohh!

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: And with his last breath, he hears me do my crappy Dumbledore impression. [laughs]

Eric: Oh, I love your Dumbledore. Your Dumbledore impression is probably my favorite thing, Andrew. It really is.

Micah: I thought you were going to say to him, Andrew, that he can debate it with Michael Gambon in just a couple of hours.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Wow. I will say, Andrew, for future half-moon glasses-wearing, I’ve learned that you actually don’t put them up on the top of your nose; you hang them off the bridge and look above them.

Andrew: Ohhh.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Yeah, that changes everything.

Eric: Yeah, it’s kind of the surmise-y… yeah.

Andrew: Okay. Okay, I got you. Now I can actually wear these the whole episode and not be interrupted.

Eric: Are they blue light filtering?

Andrew: [laughs] Unfortunately not.

Eric: They should be.

Micah: Well, that was a lot of fun. We’re going to have some more fun right now, because the way I wanted to go about talking about this chapter was I thought we could analyze the suspects. Let’s take a look at how guilty we think some of these characters are that are in the room with Harry, and we could do this on a scale from one to ten after we go through each character. A scale of one to ten Fakeys? Is that the criteria we’re judging against here? [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, I put that in. One to ten Fakeys.

Micah: Okay. All right. Well, let’s start with suspect number one: Ludo Bagman. He is over the moon that Harry’s name has come out of the Goblet of Fire. He says it is “absolutely extraordinary,” it’s “amazing,” and there “can’t be any ducking out at this stage.” It’s “down to the rules,” and Harry is “obliged.” Now, there are a couple interesting moments with Bagman. He wipes his round, boyish face with his handkerchief; to me, this would imply that he was sweating during this whole exchange that’s going on. He defers to Barty Crouch, Sr. for the official decision, and the reason I think he does this is because he knows full well that his own word really doesn’t mean a damn thing, and that Crouch, his word, though, will be respected and accepted. Now, this other moment where things start to get a little bit suspicious is when Moody starts talking. Ludo starts looking very anxious; he’s bouncing nervously up and down on his feet. So he’s displaying a lot of actions and attributes of somebody who is hiding something, or somebody who is very nervous, very on edge, and his character changes throughout the course of this chapter, right? He’s super excited to start when it’s just him and Harry and he’s talking with Harry, but then when the adults come into the room, he gets a little bit on edge.

Eric: I think it’s clear that he’s probably the least likely to care if real danger comes to Harry. He does not see Harry as a person, or… he doesn’t think that it’s dangerous at all that this has occurred to a 14-year-old. He’s just seeing, I think, dollar signs, because he knows that Harry’s character is such that Harry will follow through on making it count. Being the champion, Harry is going to try. And I think Bagman knows that he can bet on Harry to be winning this thing, and then in that case, he gets to make some of the money back that… he’s very in the hole to the goblins.

Andrew: I was also thinking he’s thinking of it from a kind of circus perspective. By having a fourth champion, this is going to bring a lot more attention to the Triwizard Tournament, so that’s why he’s very excited about what’s going on. You described him having this excitement about him and him being impressed with what just happened, like he’s living through history right now.

Laura: I don’t know; maybe he views it as a positive distraction from the other issues that may come up in relation to how deep in the hole he is with the goblins. We know that he’s in a school right now with two students who he owes a lot of money to. He just came from standing in front of all of those students in the Great Hall and probably saw them. I think the Great Hall is described as being small enough that Dumbledore is able to directly make eye contact with certain students to impress a point upon them, so…

Eric: Actually, Laura, he just has his eye trained on the Weasley twins at all times.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: He knows where they’re seated.

Laura: At all times, that’s right. That’s right. And those half-moon spectacles just make it so much clearer.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: But anyway, I think it could be a combination of things. I think he probably is excited about it, but it could also serve as a nice distraction from the other drama that he has simmering beneath the surface.

Eric: Bagman is genuinely excited about this. He is a showman. He’s an ex-Quidditch player. He loves the attention and he loves just the showmanship of this, the razzmatazz, the razzle-dazzle that Harry is this cog in the works that nobody expected to be part of this tournament, and it’s just going to blow everybody’s mind, and that’s why he’s excited. So he’s really vamping, but he has the least amount of concern for Harry’s safety or what might be a cheating attempt. He’s just thrilled for Harry. So I would say his Fakey count of being a high suspect is pretty high.

Micah: Yeah. I think some of it may just have to do with the fact that in terms of his behavior, whether it’s the sweating or the bouncing up and down, is he really wants this to happen. And so with all these other adults around him talking about the possibility that maybe Harry doesn’t have to compete, he wants it to happen. And I feel like we’ve probably all been in those types of situations where it’s like, “Oh, I may not get what I want. I may not get what I want.” But he doesn’t want it because he wants Harry to die; he just wants Harry to compete, to your point, because it’s dollar signs. It’s media attention. This is the greatest thing that could have ever happened to the Triwizard Tournament, to your point, Andrew.

Andrew: Yeah. But on the scale of everybody we’re talking about today, the suspects, I’m going to put him around the five to six Fakeys, because others are going to score higher.

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: I’ve got to imagine for most people who would be reading this book for the first time, he would be pretty high on the suspect list because of his behavior.

Laura: Well, and also because he’s a new character, right? I think naturally, people’s attention tends to be drawn to newer characters. I think we see that with Karkaroff as well. But what I think is so interesting about this scene, no matter which way you slice it, is all the people who are in this room are people who have ties back to the first wizarding war, and it’s just extremely interesting to me to see all of these personalities in the same room, including Fakey, Professor Fakey, and the fact that he’s really the pinnacle of evil in this book, apart from Voldemort.

Micah: And before we move on to Karkaroff, let’s also not forget that Bagman was kind of at the scene of the crime for the Quidditch World Cup.

Laura: That’s right.

Micah: So you can make some connection of threads there that, well, he was the main guy there and look at what happened, and now he’s the main guy here and look at what’s happening. Trouble just seems to follow him everywhere that he goes.

Andrew: True.

Eric: That’s a great point. And he keeps on wanting to help Harry through the tournament as well, Bagmen in particular, and that could be shady. If we already don’t trust him, that can be pretty shady.

Andrew: And we are always suspicious of somebody who uses “Ahoy.”

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Main suspect number two: Igor Karkaroff. He really does make the biggest stink out of everybody, and it’s said that he has a “steely smile,” but his eyes were “colder than ever.” And he addresses Dumbledore by saying, “We were under the impression that your age line would keep out younger contestants.” Now, we’ll get back to the age line in a minute because I think there’s a major loophole here that needs addressing. But Karkaroff throws out this resubmission proposal, and I thought, “What better way to mask your own guilt than by appearing to be fair and balanced?” He throws out this idea of having two champions, right? Hogwarts now has Cedric and Harry; it’s important that Beauxbatons and Durmstrang also have two now. And I think he’s trying to cast some suspicion away from himself. We know he’s a former Death Eater from having read through the series. With that in mind, who better to put Harry’s name in the Goblet of Fire than a former Death Eater?

Andrew: Is he almost calling Dumbledore’s bluff by saying, “Let’s go; let’s do this resubmission idea”? And he knows Dumbledore is going to say no, and then he’s deflecting by suggesting we do this to begin with.

Laura: I almost feel like Karkaroff is too obvious. If you watch a murder mystery movie, there’ll be that character that’s the red herring that they’re really trying to distract you with. I feel like that’s Karkaroff’s purpose here. So in terms of his purpose, I would definitely give him a high number of Fakeys, probably seven to eight. But in terms of being a critical reader, and a critical interpreter of any kind of media – I really like murder mystery as a genre – the character that seems the most likely to be guilty is never the one who did it, so I would remove him. But I will just add here, I had no idea who it was when I first read the book. I was 11, so I didn’t know.

Eric: I don’t recall really thinking through this this way, the way in which we’re doing it in this chapter. It’s very fun and very exciting. I just think I was like, “Wow, something’s happening.”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: “Something sure is strange.”

Eric: “Something sure is amiss!” I was definitely not weighing the pros and cons and rating people on their Fakeys.

Andrew: If we only knew where we would be 24 years later. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, let’s go with that. Let’s go with that. I definitely also think that so much of what makes Karkaroff a likely culprit is not being discussed directly here. And we don’t know yet about his Dark Mark and his past history as a Death Eater. At this time, he is just the person who is the most butt-hurt that this occurred.

Andrew: Yeah, if we did know that at this point, we would probably be much more suspicious. The only other point I could bring up in terms of why we would suspect Karkaroff is because Moody and him had a bit of a riff the last chapter, which I think was trying to set us up being doubtful of Karkaroff. He’s blocking the door; Moody tells him to move. Moody clearly doesn’t like him, and if our boy Moody has a problem with him, then maybe we shouldn’t like him either.

Eric: That is exactly it. And Moody poisons the waters even further by coming in and talking to Karkaroff. He says that it’s convenient that this happened, don’t you think so, Karkaroff? I’m like, oh, so here we learn that it can’t just be that another student, as a prank, or that Harry himself, or somebody thought he could win it. Somebody could actually want him dead. And so the way that Moody phrases it and lobs that grenade at Karkaroff specifically and says, “Don’t you think it’s convenient that this happened?” is meant to convey that there is more to the story and that Karkaroff can have some evil intent, which we know, I mean, on paper, he certainly could want Harry dead.

Micah: It’s also very cool that we have this ex-Auror/ex-Death Eater exchange happening in this moment when these two things were relatively unknowns to us prior to this book.

Eric: Absolutely.

Micah: So that’s going on a little bit below the surface. But one thing Karkaroff does do, one thing he brings up is the age line, and this prompts Dumbledore to ask Harry if he had another student put his name in on his behalf. And I’m just wondering, is this actually possible?

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Because if it is, it is the single easiest way to break the rules. Fred and George could have just gone to a bunch of seventh years and said, “Hey, drop our names in the Goblet, please.”

Andrew: Paid them off.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, this can’t be possible, can it?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It has to be possible, because that’s what Dumbledore is asking. I mean…

Andrew: Yeah, I mean, Dumbledore is basically confirming it’s possible.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. It’s the most easy way around it that Dumbledore, who drew up this age line using who knows what advanced magic, didn’t think about. It was too close. It was too obvious and too simple that Dumbledore didn’t think about it.

Andrew: Well, I guess maybe you would think, “Okay, if somebody does put in a name of another student who’s underage, we will find out who did it because we’ll ask that person whose name came out of the Goblet.” Also, what are the chances that somebody’s name is going to get pulled out of the Goblet? There’s a one in, what, hundred chance? I don’t know how many Hogwarts students enter. So there’s a thin chance that that person will even come out of the Goblet, but then once it does, you can interrogate that person and find out who put their name in. And then I guess maybe the students would hesitate from doing this because then they could potentially get in trouble at the school, so there’s unspoken reasons why you wouldn’t want to ask somebody to put your name in.

Micah: And you make a great point, Andrew, in terms of just how would it even be possible that Harry’s name would come out of the Goblet of Fire given all the other Hogwarts students names that likely would have been in there as well? But we’re going to talk about that with Mad-Eye Moody.

Andrew: Yes. And first, we are going to take a quick break, and then we’ll be right back.

[Ad break]

Micah: All right, so our third and final main suspect – we’re going to talk about a few honorable mentions – is Mad-Eye Moody, and Moody essentially lays out how he did it right in front of everybody, including Dumbledore. Emphasis on the “Dumb” in Dumbledore…

[Laura laughs]

Micah: … because he doesn’t even pick up on it.

Andrew: Wow. You know what? Go miss another week of the show.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: We’ve finally reached that point where Micah and Andrew fight to the death over Dumbledore’s honor. Which, by the way, Dumbledore does not care.

Micah: I’m honestly surprised nobody has said that in the almost 20 year history of this show.

Andrew: Yeah, that is a good line. I’ll give that to you.

Micah: Now, he goes on to say someone put Potter’s name in knowing he would have to compete. A “skilled witch or wizard” put Harry’s name in the Goblet of Fire. It would take an “exceptionally strong Confundus Charm to bamboozle the Goblet into forgetting that only three schools compete in the tournament.” Potter’s name was submitted “under a fourth school, to make sure he was the only one in the category.” [laughs] He’s like, “Here. I’m going to tell you how I did it, but don’t look my way.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: He cannot help himself. He cannot help himself. This is so delicious to be in this room, rub it in everyone’s face while simultaneously pointing the blame at ex-Death Eaters that he has beef with, pretty much everyone in the room that has a legitimate grudge against Harry, like Snape. Deflecting the blame on himself while telling them exactly how he did it is top Barty Crouch, Jr. This is a top, top, top moment for me. It’s so cool.

Andrew: And just hiding in plain sight. Dumbledore trusts who he thinks is Moody; he sees no reason to suspect him. I think it’s kind of just as simple as that. He’s not necessarily “Dumb”-ledore.

Laura: No, but it is a very funny contrast, because I think we see Dumbledore quite a bit throughout the series being proud of his own cleverness, and we’re seeing Barty Crouch, Jr. do the exact same thing here. It’s just what he’s doing is malevolent. Dumbledore is a little bit more on the chess game of the greater good vibe, as we know.

Eric: Yeah, I mean, I guess if you were clever over in the woods over there but you don’t tell anybody about it, were you really clever? He’s got to tell everyone, right?

Laura: He’s leaving breadcrumbs all year, basically.

Eric: I mean, and a Confundus Charm; he actually names the bit of magic that he uses to do it. It’s just unbelievable. For his troubles – and I know we’ve been praising Barty Crouch, Jr. a lot this book so far – we finally have a sound effect that I think we should play when we give Barty a plus one, thumbs up, “Nice job, man.”

[Barty Crouch, Jr. appreciation sound effect plays: “You know what this means, don’t you? I’ll be welcomed back like a hero.”]

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: Good ol’ Fakey.

Micah: Yeah. It was also brought up about why Harry would do this; there’s a chance that he could die. And Moody responds by saying, “Well, maybe somebody is hoping Harry will die in this tournament.” So it’s just such a amazing bit of writing, but just also the character of Barty Crouch, Jr. here. We talked about it; his feelings towards Karkaroff are masked in a way, but they’re also real, right? It’s this split personality, almost. Do we label him a psychopath? Do we think that’s a fair way to look at Barty Crouch, Jr.?

Andrew: I think so, based on everything we’ve discussed so far.

Eric: Yeah, he has those tendencies. We don’t know his specific trauma. We do know he’s been in Azkaban, so that’ll make anybody a little crazy, a little unhinged.

Micah: The last thing with Moody I just wanted to talk about was, Karkaroff tells him that he seems to have given how all this happened a great deal of thought, and this is delivered in a way in the movie when you couple it with him swigging the flask every five seconds that you know something is up with with Mad-Eye, but here, I don’t know. I don’t find it as suspicious as it came across in the films. I was curious what you guys thought.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, they definitely tried to deflect using Karkaroff in the films. I mean, you even have that scene where you see him go into the Great Hall and close the doors at night, right?

Andrew: Right.

Laura: So I think they’re really trying to lean into stereotypical portrayals of what villains look like and sound like in movies oftentimes. So yeah, I think they were playing with that, absolutely. He’s also low-hanging fruit, too. When you think, who’s the most obvious person? It’s Karkaroff, which is why it’s not him. It’s never the most obvious person.

Eric: Well, sometimes if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, I like to believe that the duck did it…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … but not on the media that you read, Laura.

Laura: No, not in any kind of mystery setting.

Eric: Yeah, that’s just in other circles. Well, my thing is, it’s such a weak retort for Karkaroff. He’s like, “Oh, sounds like you’ve given this a lot of thought.” He’s an Auror! That’s what he’s supposed to do. There’s a mystery, he’s a detective, he detects. It’s just such a weak retort that it… actually, I think Karkaroff saying that makes Karkaroff look guiltier than if he had not said it.

Andrew: I will just also add, on the Moody point, in terms of him being a suspect, Snape has also not been happy with Moody’s presence at Hogwarts, and Harry notes that, so I think that’s just further evidence that maybe we should not be trusting Moody. And Snape doesn’t suspect, I don’t think. I hope not because then he would report it to Dumbledore. But yeah, Snape is not happy with him either. So I put him higher than Ludo. I just see Ludo as such an innocent happy fellow; I can’t point the finger at him.

Micah: He’s a goofball.

Andrew: I’d put Moody at seven to eight Fakeys. Somewhere around there.

Micah: So right now it’s Karkaroff, Moody, and Bagman, in that order.

Andrew: For me, I’d say so.

Micah: Well, we do have some honorable mentions, Laura, that you pulled together.

Laura: Yeah, just because I, again, really love the genre of mystery and true crime, so I really hyper read into things. First want to start with Barty Crouch, Sr. This man is standing in the shadows all creepy-like; Harry talks about how gaunt and skull-like his face looks. But he’s also strictly adhering to the rules of this tournament. Even though he definitely knows that something sketchy is up, there is not a single attempt on his part to try and figure out a way around this to spare this underage child from participating in a death tournament. That could be reason for detecting some sketch; I don’t think it’s as sketchy as some of the other characters we talked about. But someone else would be Snape; Snape is also in the room.

Andrew: Well, hold on.

Laura: What?

Andrew: Let me add something to Barty Crouch, Sr.: He didn’t want to stay at Hogwarts, right? Towards the end of this chapter, he was ready to get out of there, which also adds to his guilt, I think.

Laura: Right. Oh yeah, that’s a great call-out. Thank you for mentioning that.

Eric: He’s trying to run from the scene of his crime.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Yes.

Eric: No, that’s great.

Laura: Of course, we know why he’s actually anxious.

Eric: He’s got a lot else going on.

Laura: Yeah. [laughs]

Micah: He’s a little stressed.

Eric: Yeah. Well, and…

Andrew: And old Weatherby is driving him nuts!

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Micah: I mean, we can also think of this as not just being one person. There could be multiple parties involved here.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Oh, that’s true.

Micah: Especially for something the likes of getting Harry into this tournament.

Eric: Now I’m picturing a basketball move where there’s a layup with his name on a piece of paper.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: Somebody goes over the age line, somebody else dips it in…

Micah: Yeah, certainly possible.

Laura: Well, and as an additional point that maybe adds to the suspicion for Crouch Sr. and Bagman, where does the Goblet of Fire reside when it’s not in use? It has to be at the Ministry. I’m imagining Bagman’s office maintains that, so it’s possible you could say that perhaps either Bagman, Crouch Sr., or both tampered with the cup before it even arrived at Hogwarts. We’ve got to throw Snape in here because Harry is always ready to accuse Snape of something.

Andrew: [laughs] And vice versa.

Laura: Yeah, and vice versa, which we see in this scene. He’s always looking for a way to get Harry in trouble. He’s like, “This kid is always doing something to get attention. I guarantee he did it.” Is this a case where…? As readers, do we remember if at the time we suspected Snape at all? Or had Snape been suspected too many times in the series by this point for us to think it could’ve been him?

Eric: Yeah, I think it’s probably the latter. But for me, I suspect him more now, knowing just how vicious it got between Harry and Snape at the end of Book 3. We knew that it was a huge one-up on Snape when Sirius Black gets away and the students with the Time-Turner and that they just… Snape really lost out on his Order of Merlin and a bunch of other stuff there, so I think that if there were ever a book for Snape to actually break bad and put Harry in active danger, it would be in retribution for the events of the most recent book. So I actually do like Snape for this at least as a contender for the whodunnit, because he’s right out the gate again blaming Harry, and it is suspicious.

Micah: Yeah, though I will ask the question now: What is Snape doing in the room to begin with? He has no business there. And the reason why I say this is because if you look at who’s in the room, there’s somebody there for each of the champions, right? McGonagall is there for Harry. You have Maxime there for Fleur. You have Karkaroff there for Krum. By that logic, Sprout should be there for Cedric, not Snape.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Snape is subbing for Sprout. She’s not feeling well.

Micah: And then you have the other officials who are running the tournament, right? Again, by that logic you could also ask why is Mad-Eye there, right? Those two just don’t belong in the room at this moment.

Eric: Here’s the thing about that: I think Snape is just a guy that you want around when some bad shit is going down. Snape is actually a really accomplished wizard in so many ways. He can do nonverbal magic, he has the fierceness and the fire, he’s a skilled Legilimens… I would want him by my side if my school was about to crumble to the ground despite the personal differences, and you can kind of see it in Dumbledore’s voice and actions in this chapter. Same with how he deals with Moody; he’s like, “Okay, Alastor.” He’s like, “Okay, Severus, sit back down. You’re here because of what you can do to help, not what you can do to hinder or raise tensions.”

Laura: And then I have one wildcard I want to throw out here: Madame Maxime. Hear me out.

Eric: Who would suspect?

Laura: She really flies under the radar in this scene, but there’s another area earlier on in this book where she also flies under the radar, and that’s at the Quidditch World Cup. So you’ll remember that the trio was in the forest in the midst of all the panic and confusion. They run into a group of girls who are speaking French, and one of them says, “Where’s Madame Maxime?” So they apparently could not find their headmistress while there was a Death Eater Klansmen march happening. So if the author had really wanted to pull a fast one here and really pull the wool over everyone’s eyes, this would have been the move. So understated, too.

Eric: It’s always the French.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: “It’s always the French.”

Micah: Always the French, nice.

Eric: I love, Laura, that you’ve taken it – again, you said this – but from a very murder mystery aspect of who was… we don’t know that the person who cast the Dark Mark at the Quidditch World Cup and the person who put Harry’s name in the Goblet of Fire are actually the same person. That doesn’t have to have been the case, but it absolutely is the case. But knowing that, we reverse backwards, and just figuring out who’s at the Quidditch World Cup and who’s right here in this room right now, I love that you’re pooling your suspects from that criteria.

Micah: So while we’re at it, why not add Dumbledore to the list?

Andrew: No.

Eric: Dumbledore wasn’t at the Quidditch World Cup.

Micah: No, no, no, I don’t care if he was at the Quidditch World Cup. Putting Harry’s name in the Goblet of Fire. He loves the drama.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: “He loves the drama.” He’s getting excited for reasons similar to Ludo. He’s like, “Oh boy, this is history.”

Laura: Dumble-drama.

Andrew: Living history. No, I don’t accept that.

Eric: No. I think given as an honest option, no, because Dumbledore in this chapter is forced to be very diplomatic, and he’s… I think Dumbledore takes seriously that he’s being accused of cheating right here. The way he handles the other – I want to say foreign dignitaries…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … the way he handles the other headmasters and is really working on seeing if there is an alternative.

Micah: [laughs] He’s just trying to get them to have a nightcap. He’s really trying hard at the end of the chapter.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: He does, kind of, yeah.

Andrew: “Who wants a drink? Somebody wants to drink, right? Come on.”

Micah: Yep. All right, well, that was a lot of fun, talking about the usual suspects. But let’s move on and talk about this magical contract that comes up and is referenced multiple times in this chapter. And I know we’ve talked a little bit about it in prior episodes, but now that the moment is actually here, do we think that it’s fair Harry has to compete?

Andrew and Eric: No.

Laura: No, of course not.

Andrew: This is so unfair. They keep talking about these rules, like, “Oh, that’s the rules. That’s the rules. No going back now.” He didn’t put his name in the Goblet. As we later learn, of course, somebody did it for nefarious reasons. There should only be one champion per school. He was the last name to come out. He’s underage. There’s so many reasons why he should not be forced, really, to compete in this tournament.

Laura: Yeah, but the rules say no takesie-backsies.

Andrew: Yeah, I know, this mystery rulebook that we never really learn the details of. But this old darn goblet coughs up his name and suddenly, “Sorry, Harry, you have to sacrifice yourself. Yeah, sure, you’re number four. Yeah, sure, maybe the Goblet just had the hiccups that day, and maybe they didn’t even intend for you to come out of this cup, but that’s it. You’re done for.” It’s so unfair. It’s so unfair. [laughs]

Eric: It’s ridiculous.

Andrew: This is when I really feel for Harry not having parents. But even then, like, where’s Molly? If I were Molly or Arthur or Sirius, I’d be like, “Guys. Dumbledore. Come on. We’re pals, right? What are you thinking with this?” “Oh, that’s the rules, that’s the rules.”

Eric: “We’re un-enrolling Harry from Hogwarts.”

Andrew: Yeah, pull him out of school.

Eric: For me, this is definitely something I thought about while doing this reread – I never would have thought of this 22 years ago – but the level to which the adults in the room are all out of their depth when it comes to this is shocking to me. If Dumbledore and Barty Crouch, Sr. and Ludo Bagman can’t change the rules or can’t get out of Harry’s name being drawn, and the reason they can’t get more champions involved as they say the Goblet has gone cold… they don’t control the Goblet at all. They have dug… where did they find this thing? It was in its casket probably in a tomb somewhere, Bill Weasley found it, was like, “This is fun; let’s do it…” They’re like, “Yeah, what a great idea.”

Andrew: [laughs] “It coughs up paper. What an incredible magical object.”

Eric: They have no control over it at all whatsoever. And it’s got to be humbling to them, because these adult wizards… we know Dumbledore… think about what Dumbledore does in Book 6, right, to get into Voldemort’s cave. He’s feeling the wall and he’s doing this advanced level of magic to figure out what it is you’re supposed to do. And he can’t figure out a way to get the Goblet of Fire’s magical rules to be unbinding on somebody who didn’t even put his own name in? Wow, that just shows that you’re never too old to completely be in over your head when it comes to just old magic artifacts.

Micah: Right.

Andrew: It’s a good lesson for us Muggles, too. It never gets easier, y’all. [laughs]

Micah: I would put more of the blame less on Dumbledore – I know Andrew is going to be shocked here…

[Andrew gasps]

Eric: I’m very shocked.

Micah: … more on the Ministry, in that… and I know Barty Crouch, Sr. is very much preoccupied here with a lot of things that are going on in his life, and he just wants to get home, but this is his responsibility. And presumably, he could reach out to some of the best there are to figure out how to rectify the situation, and he just hightails it. He doesn’t even seem to care. He’s like, “Oh, what’s another kid in the tournament?”

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: I’m serious.

Andrew: No, I know. I know. I’m laughing in agreement with you.

Laura: I feel like someone… I’m trying to find it. Someone in the Discord pointed out that Crouch Sr. may actually be under the Imperius Curse at this point in the book.

Eric: He is. Yeah, he’s under his son’s Imperius Curse, which, Barty Crouch, Jr. is doing a lot this chapter. But yeah, I…

Micah: Well, Ludo isn’t… okay, so let’s… I can shift some of it onto Ludo, then, the responsibility.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: No, no, you’re right. Ludo is just happy to be there and happy to have controversy, and it’s going to sell a lot of papers or make him rich in the gambling room. But yeah, I mean, Crouch… it’s just again… and the movie even one-upped it by being like, “The rules are absolute.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: It’s just like, who thought of this crap? This is so dangerous. This is just absolutely insane.

Micah: Well, it’s fine if the rules are absolute, but from a person who actually had the intention of putting their name in, not from somebody who had their name put in…

Andrew and Micah: … unwillingly.

Eric: Even by another student. Yeah, unwillingly. That’s exactly why the Unbreakable Vow is so much better than this garbage.

Micah: Are there not fingerprints in the wizarding world?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Fingerprints. Actually, Meg and I were talking about this; she had the idea that what if the Goblet of Fire actually judged or graded the person that put in a name, not the person whose name is on the slip of paper?

Andrew: Oh, yeah. By reading the fingerprints.

Eric: Yeah.

Andrew: But what if Barty Crouch, Jr. was wearing gloves? Yeah, why not cameras? Why not…? I mean, there’s so many answers here.

Eric: Because what if what if somebody has…? If I put my name in, and I really wanted to win, I have such [censored] handwriting.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: There’s no guarantee that the Goblet of Fire could actually read my name. And then am I disqualified?

Andrew: But let me ask you all this: If Harry wasn’t in the tournament, would we have had this book?

Laura and Micah: No.

Andrew: Well, exactly. So why are we all complaining?

Eric: Wait, we would have had this book, though. It’s not like she would have jumped to year five. For me, again, it’s just what do the adults learn from this? We love pointing out that Hogwarts is a security nightmare, but there is a hope that they make changes and fix it.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: They don’t.

Andrew: We have a hope. We have a dream.

Eric: It’s consistently getting worse. Like, whose idea was it to unearth an ancient artifact that sends four students to their deaths, pretty much?

Laura: Well, only one, this time.

Andrew: Ouch. Ouch.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I have an idea… go ahead, Laura.

Laura: I was just going to say, Eric, kind of related to the point you mentioned about Meg’s interpretation of the Goblet, I’m also wondering… the Goblet is, I guess, somehow in possession of some kind of power that allows it to determine, based off of a scrap of paper with a person’s name on it, whether or not they’re worthy to compete in the tournament. But it can’t tell that that person didn’t actually write their own name?

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Eric: Or in the… well, this is where the Confundus Charm comes in that it was a fourth school. Harry was listed as a fourth school.

Laura: Right.

Eric: So he was the only one on the list of the pool of…

Laura: Yeah, no, I guess. But also, it couldn’t tell that Harry didn’t write his own name.

Micah: Well, and by that logic, Fred or George could have just written their name under a fourth school and been selected.

Laura: Right. We criticize because we love.

Micah: Yeah. Laura, I think you’re getting at something I wanted to ask, which was, do we assume some level of sentience for the Goblet similar to the Sorting Hat, right? And is the Goblet actively tracking each of the tasks somehow? This comes up a little bit later in – I don’t want to take your point, Laura – but what if Harry just says, “I’m sitting on the bench”? [laughs] Does the Goblet shoot sparks at him?

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: What happens?

Laura: Right, well, and we definitely see at least one example of a champion not being able to complete a task, and the cup doesn’t smite her.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: So I don’t know. The rules are very confusing here.

Andrew: We want more answers. We have a lot of questions about the Goblet.

Laura: [laughs] I love how SnailSong in our Discord was like, “The Goblet pulls out a gun.”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: I wanted to also put a new twist on our “Max that” segment around the discussion that we’re having here.

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

Andrew: I’m calling this “Enhanced Max that,” or “Max enhance.”

Micah: Ooh.

Andrew: So I think the TV adaptation should just call what’s happening with the Goblet an Unbreakable Vow. We’ve spoken about this a few times now. I think, Eric, you’ve raised the point: Maybe what’s actually happening here is an Unbreakable Vow before Rowling came up with the idea of an Unbreakable Vow.

Eric: That was my thought, yeah.

Andrew: So the TV show should maybe just lean into calling this an Unbreakable Vow. You have to explain it somehow, I think. That’d be a nice update to the core story, one that we would accept, I think.

Laura: Yeah, I agree.

Micah: But doesn’t there have to be some level of willingness, though, on the part of the two participants? Harry is not willingly doing anything here. He’s kind of getting screwed over.

Eric: Yeah, I mean, that’s what makes the Unbreakable Vow so powerful. The reason that you die if you don’t do it is because you volunteered. You committed – you consented – to do it.

Micah: So I think that raises the question, what is the penalty? Let’s put the Unbreakable Vow piece of it aside for a second. If Harry said, “No, I’m not competing,” what happens to Harry? Is the series over?

[Andrew imitates Voldemort’s “Avada Kadavra” yell]

Micah: Bang!

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Voldemort comes out of the Goblet. It would be funny if Dumbledore said to Harry, like, “Harry, you have two choices. You can compete, or we have to put you back with your aunt and uncle, because only then will you be safe.”

Andrew: Oh my God.

Eric: Only then will he be safe from the Goblet of Fire’s evil retribution. He has to hide under the cloak for a year.

Andrew: And then Harry should be like, “I want a paternity test.” [laughs] “Please check who wrote my name on that piece of paper.”

Eric: That’s true. They have the paper; they could get…

Andrew: “I am not the father of that piece of paper.” [laughs]

Eric: They could forensic science the piece of paper.

Micah: Can we get Maury Povich reading his name coming out of the Goblet of Fire?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: What’s going on today?

Micah: All right, we need a break.

Laura: This is going off the rails.

Andrew: All right, we will move on to the backlash, but first, a quick break so we can catch our breath.

[Ad break]

Micah: All right, so let’s talk a little bit about the backlash from Harry’s name coming out of the Goblet of Fire. Karkaroff, Maxime are pissed, to say the least. But should they really fear Harry’s inclusion in the tournament? He has three years less experience than Krum, Fleur, and Cedric. He should be an easy out.

Andrew: That’s a question I wanted to raise to you guys when you were talking about Ludo getting excited to bet. He would bet on Harry winning, right? Why are you all so confident that he’s going to win?

Eric: For me, I think it’s less that Harry would win and more that there’s an increased chance that Hogwarts wins.

Andrew: Oh, okay.

Eric: Because with two champions for Hogwarts and one champion for Durmstrang and Beauxbatons, there is now a 50% chance that it’s a Hogwarts victory. And the whole reason these schools agreed to this is because it’s a great chance at eternal glory, so I think they feel shortchanged, and I think that they have a right to just from a statistic standpoint.

Micah: Yeah, I think that’s a really great point, because you want a level playing field in something like this, right? And I think also taking into account what this tournament is supposed to represent, right, in terms of the relationships being formed with international wizarding schools, you’re already putting them at a disadvantage by having two champions coming from Hogwarts.

Eric: It is so funny to think of this as a tournament where these champions compete, and yet we’re trying to garner international cooperation, but now this distrust from the get-go has really sown the seeds even further for people to not get along.

Micah: Oh, great point. So when Harry first enters the trophy room, he feels really small, both literally and figuratively, in comparison to the other three champions, and it’s even noted they seem taller than him. Fleur at one point refers to him as a “little boy.” So I think for Harry, he’s feeling the gravity of the situation. He’s feeling the intensity of the moment as soon as he walks into this room, before Dumbledore throws him against the trophy case. [laughs]

Andrew: And I will also say, Mary GrandPré did an amazing job conveying this in the chapter artwork. You’re looking at Harry from above, so he looks smaller. He’s staring at his long shadow to kind of suggest that he’s just by himself. He’s got his hands in his pockets. This might be one of my favorite pieces of chapter art across the series, because you just feel for Harry in this little illustration that she came up with.

Eric: That’s a good call-out. Yeah, I’m just looking at it again, and you’re exactly right. There’s a few times she’s spot on.

Andrew: But yeah, you really feel for Harry here. I mean, you know he didn’t do it. At least Dumbledore is going to trust him. But it must be really hard to have all these headmasters and the teachers at Hogwarts doubting what actually happened, and you’re to blame, even though you’re not really. It’s just all this attention is on you and you didn’t cause it.

Eric: So much of this has given me flashbacks to being a freshman. You finally make it to high school and you’ve come so far; you’re in high school now. But then you see a senior, and he’s so much taller, and it’s like, “Oh, I’m still small. I’m still a literal child compared to a senior. And then you meet a college kid and they’re even older… so I love that Harry is feeling basically vulnerable here.

Micah: Yeah, he’s out of his league. I mean, that’s what…

Eric: He’s not in control of his future.

Micah: No, but I think if you look back at the other three books and the things that he’s faced, you could argue that he is well prepared for something like this. But I look at the Triwizard Tournament as something on a completely different level, right? He’s in big boy territory now, and he’s finally starting to grasp the reality of the situation. This isn’t the same.

Andrew: I think he is just yet to actually process what actually is going to be happening during this tournament. I mean, they haven’t shared any details yet. They don’t truly know what they’re getting into. Harry kind of sees just this blank slate before him. But he also does recall in this chapter that somebody does want him dead, so this isn’t good news for him. Cornflakes, who’s listening live on our Patreon, said, “I don’t think he actually appreciates how out of his depth he will be in the tasks. He thinks about it a little, but then just turns up to each task.” So he’s built some confidence up, I think, because of his battles so far in the series, but I don’t think he’s too concerned, because he just does not know what he’s getting into, because nobody does.

Eric: I think a lot of that, too, is if you think about it long enough, you’ll just break down and cry. And Harry is very much a good, go to “Got to do what I can.” I don’t think it’s confidence. But I do think that you just can’t hold up a mirror to some of these things that are happening to Harry. Micah, to your point, where you just said it’s totally different this year, what I compare that to is every year prior, Voldemort wanted to kill Harry. This year, the universe itself is going to kill Harry if he doesn’t compete, and Voldemort wants to kill Harry, so that’s how it’s different.

Micah: Well, and he’s also on display for the entire school, which I don’t think… I mean, you could argue he’s been on display for the entire school his entire time at Hogwarts thus far because of who he is, but in the battles that he’s fought, he hasn’t been on display in this way, right? Year one, year two, year three, it’s all kind of been going on behind the scenes. It’s just him, Ron, and Hermione. It’s not him in front of, not just Hogwarts, but the other two schools that are there. It’s a lot different.

Laura: And for the first time, the impression that everyone has of Harry is that he chose this.

Micah: Right. So some of the other backlash that we see is from Snape. We talked a little bit about Snape already, but he just… any chance he has to take a shot, he does it.

[Andrew laughs]

[Eric imitates Snape’s laugh]

Micah: And McGonagall… was it Dumbledore who shuts him down? I know McGonagall throws him a look.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: It’s Dumbledore again.

Micah: Come on, Severus. Just… again, I don’t even know why you’re in the room.

Andrew: Severus, please.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: That’s the whole thing, too, about the possibility that another student would have put Harry’s name in. The only student who would have tried that in order to get Harry in danger would be Malfoy, and he’s also not 17. So I feel like that’s a lack of potential candidates, unless it’s Snape himself who put Harry’s name in, which we already talked about.

Andrew: I’m also wondering why Snape is not trying to read his mind, because that would solve that question for him.

Eric: Yeah, I mean, Snape has Veritaserum handy too. Pulls it out later.

Andrew: Well, yeah. I mean, shoving that down his throat in front of all these people might not be the best approach.

Eric: Well, if you want the truth…

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: You want answers? We’re getting answers! “Severus, please.”

Micah: So just to wrap up the chapter, when Harry finally gets out of the trophy room and is making his way back to Gryffindor tower… well, I guess one thing to note is… I think we all do this from time to time. It’s pre-set in us, right? We drive somewhere; sometimes we don’t remember how we got from point A to point B. We just… it’s a sign of… what’s the word, innate to us? Or like we learn it over time. Harry, he does the same thing, but his mind is just going so many miles an hour that he doesn’t even realize he’s made his way back to Gryffindor tower; that’s how overwhelmed he is with everything that’s going on. But he does make it back and he’s received by his fellow Gryffindors with a lot of cheers and celebrations and everyone wants a piece of Harry, and it couldn’t be more of a contrast to when he gets up to his dormitory and Ron is waiting for him. And it ain’t good, bro. It ain’t good.

Andrew: It bums me out that Ron is feeling this way. I guess Ron is shocked, but if Ron can’t believe him, I think that really calls into question their friendship. Why should Ron doubt what Harry is telling him? He thinks Harry pulled a fast one on him.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. I mean, he starts the sentence with “Congratulations,” like he’s just assuming that Harry…

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Sarcastically.

Eric: Yeah, Harry figured it out, and he didn’t share it with him.

Andrew: I could see why that would hurt, but it’s not true. And Ron should believe him.

Laura: Yeah, but it’s also not… not to say Harry did anything wrong here, but it wouldn’t be the first time that Harry withheld information from Ron.

Eric: That’s true.

Laura: Again, not to say that any of the prior incidents were super high stakes. But Ron is a character who really stews on things, areas where he feels like he’s been wronged, and then eventually when the straw breaks the camel’s back, he kind of explodes; he goes nuclear, and that’s what’s happening here. And while I don’t agree with Ron’s reaction, I can kind of understand his initial annoyance. If my best friend did something, or if I thought they did something they swore up and down they would never do, that would annoy me as one of the people that I am closest to in the world. If for whatever reason I felt like they lied to me, I would be annoyed. I might be wrong to be annoyed, so I think Ron’s error here is staying mad as long as he does; I don’t think it’s so much the in-moment reaction.

Eric: Yeah. I mean, he says to Harry, he’s like, “Well, did you use your cloak?” He’s like, “What?” He’s like, “Because then it would have fit both of us, wouldn’t it have? But, guess not.” And it’s just like, oh, he wanted to be included, or he wanted a fair shot, or yeah, he’s just convinced that Harry found the secret and left him out.

Laura: Yeah. And right, Ron is so triggered by feeling left out. That, I think, is the crux of all of this.

Eric: I mean, think back to his Mirror of Erised. What he sees is him on top.

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: Laura, I agree with you. I don’t begrudge him how he’s feeling in this moment, but I think, to your point, the amount of time he feels it and he just won’t let it go, that’s the issue. And it’s really tough to watch in the movies. I almost forget how it plays out in the books because it’s been such a long time since I’ve read this, but that whole exchange of who told who to tell who what… but yeah, so Harry has had a rough night to say the least, between the Goblet of Fire and his best friend now being on the outs with him.

Eric: It’s particularly devastating that… I think the line is like, “Harry knew most people wouldn’t believe him, but he at least thought Ron would,” and then Ron is not there.

Andrew and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: I mean, Ron isn’t even interested in hearing anything other than what I think he wants to hear in this moment.

Andrew: Yeah, his mind is made up.


Odds & Ends


Micah: All right, a couple of Odds & Ends to get to. I believe, Andrew, you mentioned this briefly, but Crouch is still calling Percy by the wrong name.

Andrew: Yep.

Eric: Justice for Weathersby.

Micah: Do we think that’s the Imperius Curse, versus…? Because Crouch Sr. seems like a sharp guy to me.

Andrew: Yeah, well, I think the last time we spoke about this, we were just talking about the respect that Percy actually gets from Crouch, and sometimes a name just sticks with you and that’s that. [laughs] I don’t know. He clearly hasn’t gained more respect.

Eric: Maybe Percy gave him… he’s like, “You can call me Weatherby, Sir. You can call me anything you like, Mr. Crouch.”

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, has he corrected him yet? I mean, I think that’s a valid question. [laughs]

Micah: Probably not. Knowing Percy, he probably hasn’t.

Eric: Maybe he legitimately thinks that he’s Weatherby. [laughs]

Andrew: He’s probably trying to get his name legally changed to Weatherby. Write a fanfiction about that, somebody, and Molly is resisting.

Laura: And he’s been doing that, I mean, as long as we’ve known that Percy worked for him, right? So I don’t know if it means that he’s been under the Imperius Curse since Chapter 1 of this book or if he’s just not paying Percy very much mind.

Eric: He’s clearly just distracted. He’s got so much else to worry about.

Laura: He has more important things to do than know his direct report’s name.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Yeah, but presumably he would know Arthur, and this is Arthur’s son and he would know Arthur’s last name, so that’s where I don’t give him a pass. We also learn that the first task will test your daring, so that’s kind of ominous, and that if Harry wins the whole thing, he’s going to get a thousand Galleon prize. And just for competing, no tests at the end of the year. He is exempt.

Andrew: Woo!

Eric: Now, of course I remember about the Galleons, but I forgot about this test thing. I would put my name in if it meant I didn’t have to do tests all year.

Andrew: You just have to fight a dragon instead.

Eric: Oh, yeah, maybe not.

Micah: Here’s a question, though: Ron mentions this at the end of the chapter. How does Ron know? Is it because Violet is a hot goss and relayed all this information back to the Fat Lady who then told all the students?

Eric: Yeah, within this chapter it just looks like everything, every single thing that was said in the room with the trophies, was repeated by Violet who was apparently talking announcement-style with the Fat Lady to just a horde of Gryffindors that were just trying to get to their common room. [laughs]

Micah: All right, well, that was my last point. Violet is a hot goss.

Andrew: Excellent.


MVP of the Week


Andrew: And now it’s time for our MVP of the Week awards.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: I’m going to give it to two people, actually, this week…

Micah: Oooh.

Andrew: … Karkaroff and Madame Maxime for calling out how unfair it is that Hogwarts gets…

Micah: How very Goblet of Fire of you, Andrew.

Andrew: [laughs] Two bites of the apple. Hogwarts is getting two bites of the apple by having two champions.

Eric: You know who doesn’t give Harry any grief at all whatsoever about how unfair it is that there’s two Hogwarts champions? The other Hogwarts champion, Cedric Diggory! Pour one out for my man the Hufflepuff, who’s just a good boy, and he might not believe that Harry got there on merit or whatever, that he didn’t really put his name in, but he’s not whining about it like everyone else.

Laura: I’m going to give it to Dumbledore for being calm.

Eric: What?

Andrew: Aww.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Yeah, we know now that there are multiple options of how to react if you’re Dumbledore, and Dumbledore chose calmness.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Thank you very, very much, dear Laura.”

Micah: And I am going to give it to Barty Crouch, Jr. for bamboozling everyone, not just the Goblet of Fire, and putting the “Dumb” in Dumbledore.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Putting the “Dumb” in Dumbledore.

Laura: Can we make that a shirt?

[Barty Crouch, Jr. appreciation sound effect plays: “You know what this means, don’t you? I’ll be welcomed back like a hero.”]

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Yeah, you will. You keep racking up MVPs, Mr. Barty, sir.

Micah: We should look at the most MVPs over time.

Andrew: That’d be fun.

Micah: I just think Barty Crouch, Jr. is going to be pretty high on the list. [laughs]

Eric: I’m picturing baseball cards for our favorite characters.

Andrew: There you go.

Eric: We’ll have Umbridge suck count, Dumbledore lie count, Barty Crouch, Jr.’s awesome count… all that.

Laura: And honestly, I have to think that Harry will have the least number of MVPs.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Well, because that’s a rule, though, isn’t it?

Laura: I don’t think that… I think the rule is we can’t say “Harry” in the Seven-Word Summary.

Andrew: Yeah, at the start, I think.

Eric: Well, the rule is that it’s uncool if you say “Harry” in the Seven-Word Summary. It’s too easy because the chapter already says what he does.

Andrew: Next week, we’ll discuss Chapter 18, “The Weighing of the Wands.” And like I said, we have a Muggle Mail episode coming up in a few weeks, so if you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can email or send a voice memo to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. And then of course, you can go to MuggleCast.com, where there is a contact form.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question: What was the birthday present that Mad-Eye Moody received and smashed, thinking it was a Basilisk egg? This is a line from Karkaroff in this past chapter. The correct answer is a carriage clock, which if you don’t know what that is, you’d be forgiven. I think it’s like Cogsworth in Beauty and the Beast; it’s the clock with the little house and little dresser drawers in it. Correct answers were submitted by Artemis Fido Jr.; Somewhat conflicted about the possible extinction of the Basilisk; Higgory Diggory Dock, Fakey destroyed his clock (and Cedric); Madame Maxime cheated on Hagrid with Grawp…

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: … The candle chandelier that Madame Maxime’s head hit; Last Name Homora, First Name Al; LunieandNeviearethebestcoupleyoucantsayno; The dark shadows under Crouch’s eyes screaming “HELP ME”; The Kid Who Worked So Hard To Decorate The Gryffindor Common Room; The ripple of anger somewhere underneath Harry’s numb disbelief; Jiggly Jane; Buff Daddy; Daisy Skye; Elizabeth K.; FleurDeLol; Fumbledore (CJ); Hannah.D; Victoria; Katie from Hufflepuff; JennPenn; Robbie; Sienna; Lydia/the snargaluff pod that loves Ginny; My boggart is MuggleCast ending…

Andrew: Aww.

Eric: Yeah. And Rita’s coming, so you better Skeeter.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Believe it or not, that wasn’t everybody, but these are getting really long, so thank you to all who submit.

Laura: I love Fumbledore.

Eric: That’s a good one. Putting the “Fum” in Fumbledore. Thank you to all who submitted. Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: Rita Skeeter’s Quick Quotes Quill first describes her by using which adjective? Those with command of the English language are encouraged to respond to next week’s Quizzitch via the form over on the MuggleCast website. Go to MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or go to the MuggleCast website – which you should set as your homepage – and click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: You can also visit MuggleCast.com for transcripts, social media links, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes, and, like I said, to contact us. If you enjoy the show and think other Muggle friends of yours might too, we would love if you told your friends about the show. We have a lot of fun here. Spread the fun around; we would really appreciate that. We’d also appreciate if you left us a review on your favorite podcast app. Also, we have this Etsy store, MuggleMillennial.etsy.com; this is where you can buy some of our patron gifts from years past while supplies last. We have the Cozy Comfy Combo Pack, which is the MuggleCast beanie and MuggleCast socks at one reduced price. You can also buy those two items separately. We also have our signed album art, we have our build your own wooden car sets, we have T-shirts, and more. MuggleMillennial.etsy.com is where you can buy all these things and support the show by doing so. And the show is brought to you by Muggles like you; we don’t have any fancy corporate or network funding, and we’re very proud of being an independent podcast. So to support us, you can tap into the show on Apple Podcasts and subscribe to MuggleCast Gold, which gets you ad-free and early access to MuggleCast, plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month. And you can also go to Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and that’s where you’ll get the benefits that I just mentioned, plus livestreams, planning docs, the chance to co-host the show one day, a new physical gift every year, plus the MuggleCast Collector’s Club, and a video message from one of the four of us, a personalized video message from one of the four of us thanking you for your support. So we have a lot of benefits; we hope you enjoy them. Your support goes to running this show. All right, well, that does it for this week’s episode. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew, I said calmly.

Eric: I’m Eric, I said calmly.

Micah: I’m Micah, I always say calmly.

Laura: Man, that’s so true.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: I’m Laura. I think I’m just calm in general.

Andrew: [aggressively] Goodbye!

Micah: Get out of here.

[Laura laughs]

Transcript #646

 

MuggleCast 646 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #646, For the Love of Chicken Tendies (GOF Chapter 16, The Goblet of Fire)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And this week, we are tiptoeing across this poorly planned age line from Dumbledore in the hopes of achieving eternal glory. Micah isn’t here this week, but to help us with today’s discussion, we’re very excited about this week’s guest, James Durbin. Hi, James! Welcome to MuggleCast.

James Durbin: Hi, everybody. Longtime listener, second time caller.

Eric: Ooh.

Andrew: Second time?

James: I think I left an awkward message once on the answering machine.

Andrew: Oh, okay, cool.

Eric: We can check that. [laughs] We have ways of verifying.

James: I cannot confirm if I was sober or not.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Well…

Andrew: Okay, now we have to find it.

Eric: Now we have to listen to this, yeah.

Laura: We have to.

[Andrew laughs]

James: There may or may not have been crying.

Andrew: Aww.

Laura: You wouldn’t be the first.

James: Okay. [laughs] I believe that.

Eric: What Laura is referencing, and she’s too polite to say, is I have called the hotline a number of times and cried.

Laura: Yep.

Andrew: [fake cries] “I love us so much!”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: And I think Eric’s voice is on the voicemail phone line, so you just…

Eric: Oh my… we recorded that like, 15 years ago. [laughs]

Andrew: So you call to listen to yourself and then cry to tell yourself how amazing you are.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Listen, we all gotta get our affirmations somehow.

Andrew: Well, James, tell us about yourself. You’re actually a musician, right?

James: Yeah, I’m a musician, artist, singer, voice actor… I’ve done voice work with Disney and Amazon. I’m the voice inside of the Jingle All the Way Turbo Man reissue from Funko.

Laura: What!

James: “It’s turbo time.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Oh my God!

Laura: That is so cool.

James: I was on American Idol in 2011, Season 10 on Fox, and for the past 13 years, I’ve been just doing music and personal endeavors, too, as a career. Support my wife and our three kids and all that. And I’ve been a lifelong Harry Potter fan and been listening to MuggleCast for the last six years.

Andrew: That’s awesome. We’re so glad you found us. And I was like, “Whoa, wait, James Durbin?” Because I used to watch American Idol, and I probably watched the season that you were on. So when you started DMing us on Instagram, I was like, “Well, that’s really cool.” But congrats on all your success. You clearly have a lot going on, and your sixth studio album is actually out now. It just came out, right?

James: It just came out.

Andrew: Tell us about it. What’s it called?

James: The album is called Screaming Steel. As an artist, I… I’ll put it this way: My last James Durbin solo album was an Americana album. So I just love music, and especially get on these kicks where I want to just try something new, I want to do something different, I want to challenge myself and do something I’ve always wanted to do. So at the start of the… just before the pandemic, I wrote 100% of an album called The Beast Awakens, which was kind of classic traditional heavy metal in the style of Judas Priest and Ronnie James Dio, Iron Maiden… so my record label that I’m with, Frontiers Records, they wanted a second. So pretty much over the past year I’ve been writing this, and it’s just a great way… traditional heavy metal… heavy metal in general is just such the avenue for singing about all of your nerdy fandoms and subcultures that you love. I’ve got all this Star Wars and wrestling and The Lost Boys and Stranger Things and all this… this is my nerd cave.

[Andrew laughs]

James: … and Harry Potter, especially. Harry Potter is up here, and then I also have an entire cupboard under the stairs full of my Harry Potter stuff.

[Andrew laughs]

James: But I’ve got the books and the LEGO sets and all the things. And of course, the Elder Wand.

Eric: Nice.

Andrew: Very cool.

Laura: You came prepared.

Andrew: Well, speaking of this…

James: It’s a segue.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, speaking of these passions, so one of the songs on your new album is called “Hallows,” inspired by Harry Potter. So tell us about that.

James: Yeah, “Hallows” is kind of a… it’s like a montage song, like if you had an ’80s action movie and it’s a training montage. But imagine it’s just Harry going from the cupboard to Dumbledore’s Army, to dying, and then resurrecting and defeating Voldemort.

[Laura laughs]

James: It’s just kind of… you could play it during that montage. So there’s a lot of easter eggs, and the author’s works are just so varied and so beautiful and it’s amazing. It’s just this… and you guys know; I mean, you’ve been doing this for so long, and still find things to love and appreciate and to dig into and to dive into and dissect. And it’s so inspiring listening to MuggleCast also for that. As a songwriter, you think about different things, especially a songwriter trying to write wizard metal, which is the… this little part of me just wishes it was 2004 again and I was a little older and I had the resources and the name and the visibility to actually be performing wizard metal for a bunch of nerds in a robe, so… [laughs]

Eric and Laura: You still can!

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: There’s still groups, there’s still conventions, there’s still things that you can get behind and do that.

Andrew: Especially ten years ago, wizard rock was pretty popular. And there’s still some wizard rock artists. I actually have two wizard rock singles; I’ll have to send them to you after the show.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: They’re not good, but maybe I can get some feedback on how to improve.

James: Okay, definitely.

Eric: “Don’t Let It Be July,” I’m thinking of, yes.

Andrew: Your lyrics in this song “Hallows” are beautiful.

James: Thank you.

Andrew: And they’re really fun. Not only is the song great to listen to, but also just very fun to read the lyrics as a Harry Potter fan and being like, “Oh, I get what he’s referencing there.”

James: Thank you, I appreciate it. They were fun to write. And it’s not the only Harry Potter-inspired song on the album; the other one is track number three, which is called “Where They Stand,” which is about Death Eaters hiding.

Andrew: Ah, cool.

James: Basically hiding and leaving Voldemort’s side and how where they stand is only where they ran for cover.

Andrew and Laura: Ooh.

Eric: Man, when I was listening to “Hallows” the only thing I could say afterwards was like, “It’s so metal!”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Which is such an easy catch-all, but it is so hardcore metal, man. I am blown away. I mean, between the song “Hallows,” which appeals to everything that we do on this show, and your being the voice of Turbo Man, I am really, really, really fanboying hard, I’ve got to say.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: You’ve won me completely over.

James: Thank you.

Andrew: Listeners, we’ll have a link to the album and the song “Hallows.” There’s a music video for it in the show notes, so definitely check that out. James, last but not least, let’s get your fandom ID like we do for all guests of MuggleCast.

James: Favorite book and movie are Sorcerer’s Stone. I can just… I literally can close my eyes – I can do with my eyes open, too, but I prefer to close my eyes – and I can remember being that 11-year-old kid. I don’t know. I got out of a different movie and there was something going on at the bookstore right next to the movie theater, and realize that it was a Harry Potter book release. And I think it would have been… when the first movie was out, it would have been… Prisoner of Azkaban would have been out by that point.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

James: So I ran home, I put on a bathrobe and grabbed a stick off the tree, and rode my bike back over to the bookstore and was like, “Here I am. Here are all my people.”

Andrew: Aww.

James: So definitely the first one.

Laura: Oh, that’s beautiful.

James: And then Hogwarts House, I was a Hatstall between Ravenclaw and Slytherin.

Laura: Hell yeah!

James: I chose to be Ravenclaw – or I accepted Ravenclaw – for a minute just because it seemed like that’s what all the cool kids were doing, and then it was like, “Oh, these… no thank you.” So I’m green light. I am a Slytherin.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: In order to succeed at metal, you were like, “I need to embrace the darkness.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Right.

James: I needed to be ambitious…

Laura: That’s it.

James: … and realize my intentions. I got my intentions in order and have been manifesting my intentions and that requires ambition. And then, let’s see… Ilvermorny House, when that was a thing, I think it was Pukwudgie. Wand I don’t remember; alder, maybe? And then my Patronus is a raven.

Andrew: Okay. Ooh, a raven and almost Ravenclaw.

Eric: That’s very metal.

Andrew: All right. Well, thanks again, James.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: And now let’s get to Chapter by Chapter. And like I said, this week we’re discussing Goblet of Fire Chapter 16, “The Goblet of Fire.” And we’ll start like we always do, with our Seven-Word Summary. James has been a listener, so he knows what he’s gotten himself into here. And you get the first word, James, so here we go.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

James: Poliakoff…

Andrew: Oh God, I don’t even know how to spell that.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: Oh, shoot. Uh, wants…

Andrew: … eternal…

Eric: … wine…

James: … because…

Andrew: … Krum… [laughs]

Laura: … is better.

Eric: That’s eight-word summary.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: But you know what, didn’t we do a five-word summary the other day? So this is fine.

Andrew: “Because Krum’s better.” [laughs]

Eric: Oh, okay. There we do.

Laura: Or just “because Krum.”

Andrew: I was hoping for “because Krum thirsty.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Good times.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Eric: Well, this is basically… so this is the eponymous chapter title that has the same title of the book; there’s one in most Harry Potter books. But as a matter of fact, in reviewing the events that happen, there’s no really big two main things. Essentially, this chapter is building up to Harry’s name being pulled from the Goblet of Fire, which is obviously a really huge moment. So I thought I’d break it down and talk about some of the smaller things that do happen in this chapter, and the first one that comes to mind – because at the end of last chapter, there was Durmstrang and Beauxbatons coming to Hogwarts – is really just about the cultural differences that we see. And Hogwarts is playing host to these foreign schools; we see it in a change of cuisine, what’s available in the Great Hall, because they go straight up to dinner. And the first matter of business – apparently something that has not been figured out prior to this moment – is where the Beauxbatons students and the Durmstrang students are going to sit in the Great Hall. They are not given their own table, even though there would probably be room for them. And Ron has this moment where he’s trying to like, “Harry, move aside,” and he’s trying to get Viktor Krum to sit next to him because he’s fanboying really hard. But in the end, the Durmstrang students all seem to go with Slytherin, and the Beauxbatons students all seem to go with Ravenclaw.

Laura: Yeah, I was wondering if any of the Slytherin and Durmstrang students might actually know each other. I mean, given the fact… especially at this point in storytelling in the wizarding world where the vibe is very much “Slytherin bad. Gryffindor good. All Slytherins are evil.” We know a lot of these kids’ parents were Death Eaters involved with Voldemort. The same has to be true for the Durmstrang students. So I would imagine their parents have maintained touch over time, and a lot of these kids have maybe met each other before.

Eric: There is that.

Andrew: Yeah, how often could they see each other, though? Probably not often at all, right? Because they’re over in Bulgaria. And I’m consulting Google Maps right now; it looks quite far away from Scotland.

Eric: Not for wizards! Not when you have a ship!

[James laughs]

Andrew: That’s true.

Laura: Yeah, that’s not really an object. They can use the Floo Network, they can use side-along Apparition…

James: A face in the fire.

Laura: Yeah, exactly.

Eric: Maybe they only go halfway.

Laura: They can do the uninvited FaceTime Floo Network. [laughs]

Andrew: I would say at the least they’re aware of the types of vibes that Slytherin gives off, and they might feel most attracted to them, especially to your point thinking about Death Eaters and Karkaroff.

Eric: Yeah, there’s definitely that Dark association between those schools. And then for Beauxbatons, it’s not necessarily like those students aren’t Ravenclaw-ish; they seem to me to be pretty, I would say, reserved, in a generous way. So I think that does fit the qualities of Ravenclaw, which, as stated, are that they value learning. And there are other cultural things we’ll get to about the Beauxbatons kids that we see in this chapter, but for the most part, I think that that’s actually also pretty much a fit. If I had to put all the students from this other school at another table, it would probably be Beauxbatons to Ravenclaw and Durmstrang to Slytherin. But it doesn’t seem well thought out, planned in advance, so why is that?

Andrew: Yeah, well, I feel like they should have made the students sit at all four tables as a way to get the students meeting everybody, kind of like an icebreaker.

Eric: That’s such a great idea.

Andrew: Because otherwise, they’re just going to be clique-y the rest of the time that they’re at Hogwarts. Now they’re going to… Durmstrang is going to just hang with the Slytherins the rest of the time, and Beauxbatons are just going to hang with the Ravenclaws the rest of the time. They connected with people over dinner. That’s it. If you disperse them all, then they’d all intermingle through the rest of the Triwizard Tournament.

Laura: Nah, these are teenagers that are experiencing a lot of culture shock of each other. It’s not just Beauxbatons and Durmstrang; the Hogwarts students are experiencing culture shock too. And they’re competing against each other, and there really hasn’t been space made for the visiting students in the school at all. The Durmstrang students are sleeping on their boat and the Beauxbatons students are sleeping in their freaking carriage all year, by the way.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Welcome to Hogwarts, but don’t sleep at Hogwarts.”

Eric: With respect, you don’t know how comfy it is in that carriage. It could be like the Weasleys’ tent.

Laura: Right. It’s like the TARDIS.

Eric: The lap of luxury.

[James and Laura laugh]

Eric: Swimming pools and squash courts.

James: It seems like they would integrate them or give them their own table. I know space is limited in the Great Hall… unless you play Hogwarts Legacy; then there’s plenty of frickin’ room in there.

Andrew: See?

James: Slide in another table. Just get Filch on it.

[Laura laughs]

James: I just love the image of Filch just pushing tables.

Andrew: [laughs] All by himself?

James: You can just imagine the sound. It’s just like, [makes a sound like a large wood table being dragged across a stone floor]

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: “Norris, get over here and help me out.”

James: … recreate it. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, you’d think that they would integrate. But I mean, thinking a little bit forward, even Fleur gets up and goes and tries to grab whatever food it is from Ron.

Andrew: Which is so funny.

James: So I think they’re doing stuff. They’re not super static. But yeah, there should have been a little bit more integration, maybe.

Eric: Yeah, I just think to the value that was added… we had a few foreign exchange students in high school throughout the years, and it couldn’t have been easy for them being the… everyone’s attention went on them, because they’re from a different country. But I know that we all seemed to be a little bit slightly more culturally well-rounded after having gotten to know the people. And it seems like if they are stuck at the Slytherin table or the Ravenclaw table… we already know that the Houses pretty much keep to their own House in the Great Hall, so it just seems like there’s not a lot of good opportunity. And to this point, moving on to the food – you mentioned this, James – bouillabaisse is served, and Ron is just looking at it. The quote from the book is “There was a greater variety of dishes in front of them than Harry had ever seen, including several that were definitely foreign. ‘What’s that?’ said Ron, pointing at a large dish of some sort of shellfish stew that stood beside a large steak-and-kidney pudding.” And then Hermione tells him what it is, and he says, “Bless you.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: And she says, “It’s French. I had it on holiday. It’s very nice.” And Ron said, “‘I’ll take your word for it,’ helping himself instead to black pudding.” Which, by the way, black pudding if you look at what’s in it, it is worse than bouillabaisse.

Laura: Uh, yeah. [laughs]

Eric: But! What is this whole experience where…? On the one hand, I think the elves… it’s said they outdid themselves; they want to make the foreign visitors feel at home. But there was not an attempt… I think this was a missed opportunity to also diversify the Hogwarts students’ cultural palettes, encouraging them to try these foreign dishes. I know it’s still night one. But for me, I grew up very sheltered. I would go to the China buffet with my family and get the chicken wings every time.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: That’s basically me too.

Eric: And not one of my family members was like, “You’re not culturally…” I know Micah’s story on the recent bonus really resonated, because I never tried Pad See Ew or any kind of noodle thing, nothing, nothing foreign at all until I was like, 22. And I just feel like, especially Europe being the huge melting pot that it is – before this year, but especially now – Hogwarts should really be trying to educate these kids culturally, because some of these dishes are fabulous.

Andrew: Well, and you also think about how many meals they’ll be eating over the course of their time at Hogwarts because of the Triwizard Tournament. There’s plenty of time to shake up the menu and keep it focused on particular countries. Have something from Bulgaria, have something from France, have something from Scotland to introduce to Durmstrang and Beauxbatons. Yeah, I don’t see why it had to be this hodgepodge on night one; it should have just been a specific theme.

Laura: When you said, Andrew, introducing Scottish cuisine, I immediately thought of haggis. I was like, “Yes, introduce the foreign exchange students to haggis.” [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, maybe not the best options. With peace and love.

Eric: Force them to have all this fatty British food that comes from animal parts.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Well, and I’m glad you bring that up, Eric, because I seem to recall that later on in the book Fleur is like, “I’m not going to fit into my dress robes; all zis Hogwarts food is so heavy.” And I’m like, so do they fall off the routine after night one?

Eric: Oh my gosh.

Laura: They’re like, “Okay, we did the niceties of serving dishes that you’d be familiar with, and we’re not going to do that ever again.”

Eric: Man, we’re not paying the house-elves enough to keep doing special dishes for the extra 40 students, I’m telling you.

James: Well, we’re not paying them at all!

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Yeah, honestly, to this end, I wanted to ask… because it’s nice to make the students feel at home. But because I’ve at least once grown into a lover of foreign cuisines; I’ve tried Ethiopian and I’ve tried… I mean, I’m not going to list. But what are some of our favorite foods that we definitely wouldn’t have tried as children? But I know we’ve traveled as we’ve grown up. Do we all have something that we really love or is our go-to that we just never would have dreamed of when we were school children?

Andrew: Well, even today, my palate is still that of an eight-year-old, so I can’t say I’ve expanded too much.

[James laughs]

Eric: Chicken fingers?

Andrew: But I also haven’t traveled abroad too much. But in England, I’ll eat fish and chips. That counts for something, right? [laughs]

Laura: No, it doesn’t.

Andrew: No?

Laura: No, Andrew.

Andrew: Well, I don’t eat fish over here, so it’s a big deal when I eat it over there. [laughs]

Laura: Oh dear.

Eric: Oh, Andrew. Sweet summer child.

[Andrew and James laugh]

Eric: I have had a number of… just this week, Indian food. Chicken tikka masala.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Eric: And it’s just different ways of doing chicken or curries or different spices with the same foods that I know and love. It’s still chicken; it’s just different. And pho, if you guys have ever had pho…

Laura: Oh, yeah, I love pho.

Eric: It’s so delicious. And on a cold night it’s the most perfect tonic for however which way you’re feeling, and I just ended up loving… and Pad Thai. There’s so many other wonderful dishes that I just never tried.

Laura: Okay, I’m so excited now because when we go to Podcast Movement in DC in August, we have to go out for a ton of different amazing foreign foods, because DC has an amazing food scene. Eric, I would love to introduce you to some other varieties like Ethiopian food, just based on what you’re describing here. I feel like you would really like it, so let’s do it.

Andrew: You guys have fun; I’ll be at Taco Bell trying out their new menu. Did you hear about their new menu?

Eric: Oh, Andrew!

Laura: Boring.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I did hear about the new menu with their Baja Blast pie. No.

Eric and James: Ew.

Andrew: Yeah, and they’re doing their own Choco Taco now.

James: Well, that I accept.

[Andrew laughs]

James: I totally ship a chocolate taco.

Eric: James, what are some of your favorite non-American dishes?

James: Well, I’ve always been very much… I mean, like you, Eric – and you, Andrew, as well – just first off reserved, to a scary degree. [laughs] And so the first thing I could think of when Laura was saying about taking you guys somewhere in DC, I was like, “Yeah, we’ll swing by the drive-thru, get Andrew a nice Happy Meal, some nuggies…”

Andrew: Yeah!

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Yeah, some nuggies!

James: Some tendies.

Andrew: In defense of Ron going with the pudding, sometimes you just want to stick with what’s familiar. Maybe you don’t want to think too hard about it. You don’t want to try something new, so you stick with the pudding. But it was also setting up when Fleur comes over and asks about the dish, the… the bouillabaisse? [pronounces it incorrectly]

[Laura laughs]

Eric: I honestly respect you for not trying.

Andrew: [laughs] The way you said it was very good.

Eric: Yeah, bouillabaisse.

Andrew: It’s funny when Ron pretends that he did end up eating it and he really didn’t, but he wants to impress her.

Eric: I just… I think we could all benefit from our mind being opened a little bit more, especially because food tells a story and the experience of… this is why such a culture has come up around food to begin with. If you think about it, food is just something we do because we have to eat because we have to live, but the culture and the way in which we all talk about it and think about it is so worldly. All they need is a good dish that everyone could agree on that’s not pizza, and I think you’ll have it in one year. You’ll have solved the Death Eaters by being like, “No, we’re going to get together and just chat over food.”

Laura: Break bread together.

James: [laughs] All our problems are solved. Sushi for everyone.

[Andrew laughs]

James: Sushi is mine.

Eric: Except I don’t really do sushi. Okay, sushi is yours. There you go. Okay.

James: Yeah, last night I had a nice large, [laughs] unfortunately expensive sushi dinner for my album pre-release party.

Andrew: Oh!

Laura: I think that’s merited.

James: Sushi is the way to go. And that’s only four rolls and some pho.

Eric: Did you say, [like Turbo Man] “It’s egg roll time”?

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: But yeah, that’s awesome.

James: It’s tempura time!

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: There you go! There you go. There it is.

Laura: I love that. I was really fortunate in that I grew up in a pretty diverse community, and my parents are also adventurous eaters, so I grew up eating all kinds of different foods. And one that I did try as a kid – that I don’t think I would have tried when I was older – was lengua de vaca, which is cow tongue. And I think I only tried it as a kid because one, I didn’t quite know what it was, and I didn’t speak Spanish at the time, so I really didn’t understand. And it just looked like stew or some kind of beef, right? Which I guess technically it is.

Eric: It looks like pot roast.

Laura: Yeah, it definitely does. And it was actually really good, but I think if somebody had presented that to me when I was 15 and told me what it was, I don’t think I would have been adventurous enough to try it. It is good, but I’ve been pescatarian for almost ten years at this point, so it’s been a while. But I remember it being really good.

Eric: I will say, anytime I go to an authentic Mexican place, I get the lingua burrito. It’s absolutely, absolutely delicious.

Laura: Oh, so good.

Eric: So I’m 100% on board with what you’re saying.

James: Really! Huh.

Eric: Yeah, lingua. Try it. It’s just amazing.

Laura: It’s fantastic.

Andrew: We’ll talk about the respect that Madame Maxime receives from students and how it compares to how things at Hogwarts are run, but first we have a quick break. We’ll Floo right back.

[Ad break]

Eric: So I mentioned other cultural differences or other signs of cultural differences. Namely, the biggest one I can think of in addition to the food is that the Beauxbatons students, when Madame Maxime enters and sits at the head table, they rise. They stand up.

Andrew: [in a deep voice] All rise.

Eric: They all rise. They’re not prompted; they stand up. Madame Maxime comes in, she chats with Hagrid a little bit, she sits down, they sit down. And I think that this is… not culty…

[Andrew and James laugh]

Eric: I think it’s discipline. It shows respect. I think the Hogwarts students who are laughing think it’s culty, but for me, it represents a sort of formal education that I think is something to be aspired to, to me, that level of self-control that those students show representing their school. They get laughed at for it.

Andrew: Yeah, I also think it just speaks to how you see this dichotomy between the loosey-goosey-ness of Hogwarts, how it’s just a circus at the school every day. But this just seems to tell me right off the bat that things are run a lot more strictly at that school. Would you catch a Peeves running around Beauxbatons? I don’t think so. I think she garners a lot of respect and rules with an iron fist. And that’s how it should be at Hogwarts!

Laura: It definitely feels reminiscent of a classical education and the kinds of behavior you’d see and expect there. Back when I used to teach – and this is in a completely other life – I worked at a grade school for a period of time. It was a private school and the founder was French, so she really modeled the school after the French curriculum that she recognized from her own upbringing and from raising her own children in French schools. And I will say, the vibe in that kind of environment is quite a bit more formal, so at least based on that experience, this makes sense to me.

Eric: Moving on, one thing in particular that struck me while reading this chapter is Igor Karkaroff, and specifically, his very apparent, very transparent love and preference for Viktor Krum. They are shown walking side by side, huddled together most of the time, and following dinner, Igor Karkaroff goes over to Viktor and says, [imitating Karkaroff] “Have you eaten enough? Have you had some wine? I can have the house-elves…”

Andrew: “You sweet boy.”

[James laughs]

Eric: Yes, he just really lays it on thick. And here’s my question: The champions were not chosen prior to this moment. Both of these other European schools have brought 20 of their best students. 20. It is very clear to me who Karkaroff wants to be the Durmstrang champion.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: And is that fair to the other 20 students, including Poliakoff?

Andrew: No!

Eric: No.

Laura: Of course not.

James: That disgusting boy?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, exactly.

Andrew: No, and it makes me wonder if Karkaroff feels that by giving Krum a boost of confidence by paying a lot of attention to him, checking in on him, etc., on the grounds of Hogwarts near the Goblet, I’m wondering if this is his way of trying to motivate the Goblet in some way to select Krum as Durmstrang’s champion.

Eric: That’s interesting.

Andrew: We don’t know how the Goblet works, so I’m completely taking a guess here. But the only thing that makes me excited about this idea is that it’s mentioned at one point in this chapter that the Goblet sits exactly where the Sorting Hat normally does, and that just put in my head how the Sorting Hat pays attention to your thoughts and needs. And so I’m just thinking maybe there’s something there with the Goblet detecting who’s most confident who can take this on best from Durmstrang.

Eric: So if the Goblet of Fire sees that Krum has friends in Karkaroff, it’s going to be like, “Oh, I want to choose him!”

Andrew: [laughs] Friends and wine.

James: Have we considered that maybe the item with the magical properties… because if it activates the Sorting Hat, and it activates the Goblet of Fire, it has to be the default wooden stool.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

James: It’s the stool.

Andrew: It all comes back to the stool!

Eric: It’s the stool. It’s had so many butts on it that it’s really warmed to everyone. All the butts.

Andrew: All rise for the stool. That should get people standing up when it enters; forget Dumbledore. It’s the Madame Maxime of Hogwarts, the stool.

[Laura laughs]

James: Well, Karkaroff kind of reminds me of a hype man for a rapper.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

James: “Yo, yo, get my man some wine. My man hasn’t had enough wine.”

[Everyone laughs]

James: Lil Jon comes out with his chalice.

Andrew: Giving him a neck massage. I’m thinking of like, a wrestler’s coach. [laughs]

Eric: It’s just funny because he’s not offering any of the other students wine, and when Poliakoff says, “Professor, I would like some wine,” he’s like, “No! And I see you’ve dribbled food down your front, you disgusting boy.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: And it’s like, that was way extra! That was so absolutely, utterly uncalled for and extra. That’s why it made the Quizzitch question; it’s like, he’s still your charge. And in fact, if we’re led to believe that you’ve brought your best, he’s one of the 20 best in this school that probably has a thousand students, and you’re calling him a disgusting boy. He repulses you. Unbelievable.

James: What if Poliakoff is his own son?

Andrew: Ooh.

Eric: That explains everything.

Laura: Ohhh.

James: It’s kind of a Draco/Lucius sort of thing. It’s interesting. Going back to the Madame Maxime thing, it’s like she… we just see how they treat their own. Their flock, in a way, so it’s…

Eric: Reverence or… yeah.

James: Disdain.

Eric: Yeah. I mean, do we think also that Karkaroff could have been starstruck by Viktor? The idea that maybe Karkaroff doesn’t want to be an educator the rest of his career, so if he’s nice to Krum…

James: It’s his meal ticket.

Eric: Yes.

Andrew: Yeah, that’s interesting. I mean, certainly the fact that Krum is a very talented Quidditch player probably goes a long way as well. I’m just thinking about how teachers can sometimes pick favorite students, too, if they see a lot of potential in them. Or at least they kind of try to push them further to see them further excel. Maybe that’s what’s happening here between Karkaroff and Krum.

Laura: What I love about this is it really highlights the kind of character that Viktor Krum carries. And I say that because at this point, we don’t know a ton about him. But we see everyone fawning over him all the time, including students; Hermione is scoffing at them. And we later come to learn that Viktor is actually kind of shy, doesn’t really like the attention, doesn’t really want the favoritism. And I had included this as an odd and end, but because we’re really focusing on this right now, I think there’s an interesting distinction to be made between the way Krum is treated here and the way he reacts to it, and the way that Ludo Bagman was treated back after the first wizarding war ended and the favoritism that he was afforded. He essentially was acquitted of charges for passing information to Death Eaters, and the only reason he got off those charges was because the jury was starstruck by him and he played dumb, and was like, “Well, I mean, Rookwood just promised me a job in the Ministry; I can’t spend the rest of my life getting hit by Bludgers.” And here we have Krum, who is also an international Quidditch star, being very humble and demure and just not really wanting the attention and not wanting the fanfare, and I think it’s so cool that they’re both in this space together.

Andrew: That’s a really great point.

Eric: That’s incredible.

James: It’s a great observation, yeah. That’s why I love this show.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That right there. Laura.

Andrew: No theory is safe.

James: Soundbite. Yeah, that was great.

Eric: The question that I have next is that Karkaroff has this moment where everybody’s about to leave from the feast. And Harry, Ron, and Hermione get up, they’re walking out, Harry decides “I’m going to let them go first,” Karkaroff is like, “Thank you,” then he walks a few steps, turns back, it’s Harry Potter. And we know of Karkaroff’s backstory here. We know that he was a Death Eater for Voldemort; he does have a Dark Mark which has been paining him lately. But how weird must it be when you’re going to Hogwarts, you realize you’re taking your students on this field trip to Hogwarts where the Boy Who Lived is… I bet he didn’t expect to run into Harry so soon. Night one. But here he is, staring him in the face. What must be going through Karkaroff’s head right now?

Andrew: “What if I just did it right here? Right now?”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: “What if I just do it? Voldemort will like me again. The followers will like me again.”

James: “No one’s going to know.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Every former Death Eater that bumps into Harry, like Lucius in year two. Everybody is like, “What if I killed this little child right now?”

Andrew: “Let’s get it done with.”

James: “What if I wasn’t in a bookstore? What if I wasn’t in a school right now?”

Andrew: [laughs] “It’s not as bad as Voldemort trying to kill him as a baby. Now he’s practically an adult; it’s okay to do it now.”

Eric: “He’s fair game.”

Laura: Oh, that’s funny.

James: Something just dawned on me; I was like, in my head, “Can you use Avada Kedavra in Hogwarts?” And you can, because Fakey does it during his lesson, so it is possible.

Andrew: Well, yeah. I mean, he’d get caught very quickly, and there actually wouldn’t be much doubt about who killed him, and he probably wouldn’t be able to get away, so there’d be that issue. But I’m thinking in this moment, on a more serious note, Karkaroff might be having flashbacks to his time with Voldemort. Like you said, Eric, he was probably surprised that… he didn’t expect to see Harry so soon. And he’s thinking back to betraying Voldemort and his followers, which he’s later killed for in the series. And he might also be looking at Harry and thinking about his Dark Mark on his arm, and how it’s been burning, tingling, and putting the pieces together about his future. There’s probably a lot running through his mind right now.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

James: He seems pretty stunned.

Laura: And also, he’s looking at this kid who ended it all for him in a way, in terms of being able to live out those darkest fantasies that he had of being a Death Eater and serving Voldemort. Karkaroff is an opportunist; he didn’t come to the side of light because he saw the error in his ways. He gave Crouch Sr. information because he was locked up in Azkaban for being a Death Eater, so he was desperate. So that doesn’t suggest that any of his ideologies have shifted; he’s just an opportunist and a coward.

Eric: I mean, fair enough. But you know who doesn’t like people who get out of Azkaban early? Barty Crouch, Jr., who also got out of Azkaban early.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: So we’ll talk about that, like, 20 chapters from now. But yeah, the confrontation is cut short because who should come to Harry’s rescue but Mad-Eye Fakey, who’s like, “You got something to say to Potter? If not, you’re holding us up, holding up the door, man.”

Andrew: In charge of crowd control at Hogwarts.

Eric: Honestly, yeah.

Andrew: “Hey, stop blocking the door. Let the kids out.”

Eric: It’s good that Barty is there, or Fakey. It’s good that Fakey is there. But the only person who could possibly have enraged Karkaroff more than Harry, internally or not, is Moody, who is this well-known Auror, a Dark wizard catcher, and Barty Crouch, who hates him personally. So it’s a really delicious confrontation that we know absolutely nothing about when we’re reading for the first time.

Andrew: Well, and then you also think about how we learn in a few pages that somebody put Harry’s name into the Goblet of Fire. And I think we’re led to believe that it probably was Karkaroff who did it, because of… I mean, if you read back this chapter after just seeing somebody put his name in there, you might be very suspicious of Karkaroff at this point.

Laura: Ooh.

Eric: Karkaroff is a red herring or a misdirect.

James: I was just about to say red herring, exactly.

Laura: Right.

Eric: [imitating Tim Curry in Clue] “Karkaroff was only a red herring.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It’s got many layers.

Andrew: Coming up, we’ll talk about how flawed the Goblet of Fire itself is, but first, a quick break.

[Ad break]

Eric: We do get to the next morning. It’s a very exciting night; everybody goes back to their dorms and they basically can’t sleep.

Andrew: Just filled with pudding.

[James laughs]

Andrew: Just all hyped up.

Eric: Spoilers, Andrew: I don’t know if you’ve looked up black pudding yet, but it’s not actually pudding.

Andrew: Okay.

Eric: It’s not dessert pudding, I’ll say.

Laura: No.

Andrew: Oh.

Eric: It’s not delicious.

Andrew: Oh, I’m looking at it now. It does not look pleasant. I’d rather eat Taco Bell.

[Eric and James laugh]

Eric: But it’s funny because they do manage to catch just a few people throughout the next day. It’s Saturday; it’s October 31. They do catch a few people actually putting their names in the Goblet of Fire. The most famous example of this is, of course, Fred and George Weasley. So we mentioned on opening night… [laughs] “Opening night.” On September 1, the start of school, that Fred and George even then were devising a plan to hoodwink this “impartial judge.” They didn’t know it was going to be the Goblet of Fire. Sure enough, again, once Dumbledore had told them last night that the age line would be drawn up, they again decided to pursue this plan of aging themselves up only slightly. They only need a few more months; their birthday is April 1. And crossing the age line… because if you can get past the age line, presumably the Goblet of Fire will weigh you based on your merits, completely not knowing your age.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: So this is a new development. But it’s funny because Fred and George’s antics here do correctly predict/lead into/explain how the entire plot happens with Barty Crouch, basically what he does to get Harry’s name in there.

Andrew: I just… and what cracks me up, too, is that they’re speaking about their plan pretty openly as well. It’s not like it’s exactly a secret.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: They’re proud of it. They almost don’t mind getting caught by faculty. And then of course, the age line kicks them away, and Dumbledore is even amused by…

Eric: Well, Dumbledore was there. He was hiding behind a wall or a column or something just waiting for the plan…

Andrew: “Ooh, I got you, hoo-hoo!”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Pretty much!

Andrew: It’s fun and games for Dumbledore, too; he’s just having a ball setting up this age line with this beard trick. It’s just so flawed, this whole thing, especially with Harry, his name being in there, and then is being forced to compete anyway. And Dumbledore even says something when he’s warning the students, something like “If your name comes out, there’s no take-backsies.” But it’s like, how about for people who didn’t put their name in?

Eric: Yeah, it’s really, really bad. And Dumbledore, meanwhile, I think is too occupied with how smart he is.

Andrew: [laughs] What do you mean? Because of his age line?

Eric: Because of his age line. So he just loves… two other students before Fred and George also went in and they’re in the hospital wing, and he tells them about it. He’s like, “This is so fun.” But it’s a very glaring error on his part that literally if anybody puts in a name that is not their own, it’s a problem.

Laura: It feels like a huge miss when you zoom out to the whole series so far and realize… wouldn’t be uncharacteristic for Voldemort to try to come to Hogwarts where Harry is; he’s already done it twice. [laughs] And now there’s this major international event happening at Hogwarts on the heels of the giant Death Eater march at the Quidditch World Cup, and Bertha Jorkins’s disappearance, and all the other signs that we know Dumbledore is aware of at this point, so it does feel like a miss that he wasn’t like, “Hmm. Could I see Voldemort trying to use the events of the Triwizard Tournament to get into Hogwarts? Maybe.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: You know why Dumbledore doesn’t spot Voldemort’s method of turning the Triwizard Tournament into a weapon against students? Because it already is a weapon against students. [laughs]

Laura: True. Ultimate cover.

Andrew: It was just as simple as setting up round the clock security. The Goblet was only taking submissions for 24 hours. How hard would it have been to have four 6-hour shifts or something like that?

Eric: Oh my God.

Andrew: One professor every six hours watching over it. This would not have been difficult to do.

Eric: I mean, Moody presumably would have been one of the four teachers put in charge of that.

James: [laughs] Yeah.

Andrew: All right, all right, so just Snape. He’s watching for 24 hours. You just give him a lot of coffee or the Celsius energy drinks and he’ll be good to go.

Eric: Or Dumbledore himself! At the end of the day, where are the other people making sure that this is safe? And you’re right, Andrew, it’s only 24 hours.

Andrew: Or how about a Hogwarts House portrait? I mean, a lot of them sleep; maybe that’s not a good idea.

James: Well, I don’t understand how there was no restriction put on the Goblet to where only students could put their names in. It makes me think of the movie when Karkaroff closes the doors and goes in to where the Goblet is. They show a scene where he’s just going in to lead your mind in the opposite direction, but it doesn’t necessarily say that Karkaroff was the one to put the name in. I believe Krum put it in of his own accord in the book.

Andrew: Or program the Goblet of Fire to not accept any entries that aren’t from students, and anybody’s name who’s underage, they don’t get accepted period. They don’t get drawn. They don’t get spit out when it’s selection time.

Eric: Yeah, it’s weird how simultaneously the Goblet of Fire could know enough about you to make you the champion, that it knows enough about your character and presumably whatever it’s looking for to choose you, but then also can’t be taught to ignore the fact… the people who started the Goblet of Fire wanted to kill 14-year-olds. They were fine with it. [laughs] Pretty much.

Laura: It makes me wonder what the Goblet of Fire was used for before they started using it for the Triwizard Tournament.

James: It was speed dating.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: The pieces came out and you’d be like, “Okay, so-and-so, you get to meet each other.”

Andrew: I was going to say just drinking Firewhisky, but that’s a more fun answer.

Eric: I mean, that’s pretty much what they use the Stanley Cup for after the hockey tournaments.

[Andrew and James laugh]

Laura: But yeah, I mean… I don’t know; it just seems like the Goblet of Fire is a one trick pony. To the question about, “Well, why couldn’t it cross reference with, say, the Sorting Hat or the book in the Headmaster’s office to see, ‘Okay, these are all underage…'” It can’t. One trick pony. It can only determine if you have the grit and the soul to fight to the death, and that’s all it can do.

James: It’s old tech.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Well, and it’s interesting… yeah, old tech. But from what we know, it’s only ever been the Triwizard Tournament, meaning there never, ever should be a fourth champion, no matter… it should just know that it shuts off. Because we all think it goes to sleep when it’s pulled its third name or whatever, and the addition of a fourth is surprising, but it looks like nobody throughout the years protected against a fourth name being drawn. And we’ll get into this next chapter when we discuss it, but what ended up happening was somebody put Harry’s name in under a fourth school.

James: That’s right.

Eric: So even then…

Andrew: Ilvermorny was the fourth school, by the way. This was the first mention of Ilvermorny.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Do you think it was? Yeah, do you think it’s Ilvermorny? Because Harry doesn’t even go there, so I don’t know what the deal is with that. But my point is the Goblet of Fire then didn’t know… it was like, “Oh, it’s another school.” Did they make up a school? If it was a real school still, that school isn’t competing this year. There has to have been a way to block out.

Andrew: Right. Well, and from Dumbledore’s view, the fact that he came out fourth should be grounds to not include him, period. End of story. “Oops, the Goblet just had a little hiccup. It happens. Some of us… we don’t know where it’s coming.”

Eric: It had a senior moment.

Andrew: Yeah, a senior moment. [laughs]

James: What is the binding contract? Has the author said anything about that?

Laura: We never find out.

Eric: That’s the other thing, where my personal suspicion is that this is before Unbreakable Vows were a thing, and I think that it’s probably some of the same magic that goes into an Unbreakable Vow. But the crux of this is that Harry did not submit his own name, and so you cannot be… if the intention was never there… the closest Harry gets to entering is somebody asks him – I think it’s Dean or Seamus or somebody across the table – “Hey, if you found out how to do it, would you?” And Harry is like, “Ah, that’d be nice, because Cho would love me then.”

[James laughs]

Eric: But he doesn’t. That’s way different than actually going up and consenting and putting your thing… and if you didn’t do that, even with the Unbreakable Vow you have to hold the other person’s wrist and do the spell. The magic, to me… this seems like an early progenitor of the Unbreakable Vow, which we eventually learn about, but it’s not well explained because the plot has to happen. And I’ve said it before, but the author was rushed on this book, so maybe… there’s just a lot even in this chapter that goes on, and I’m just like, “Wow, I wish this had another year of buildup in the writing.”

Andrew: To play devil’s advocate, though, maybe there is no Unbreakable Vow or something adjacent to that for the cup, and in a sick way they’re almost making an example out of Harry. By not giving him a pass, this is telling people, “Hey, we don’t care that Harry is number four. We don’t care that he didn’t actually enter his name. Don’t y’all forget, if your name comes out of that Goblet for future Triwizard Tournaments, you are competing.”

[James and Laura laugh]

James: “Warn your grandchildren.”

Andrew: [laughs] Yes.

Eric: Dumbledore’s voice, “It serves you right,” or whatever.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “No take-backsies. That’s what I said.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: “Once it hiccups your name, you’re in. You’re facing a dragon. That’s it.”

Eric: Oh my God.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: So because all of that is very heavy to think about, there’s one light point that I’d love to discuss here during our chapter, and it is we learn that Rubeus Hagrid has a crush, and apparently a suit of some kind, and a bottle of cologne that somebody should have taken from him and confiscated years ago.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: The trio is bored because it’s Saturday, they don’t have class, and the Goblet of Fire thing is happening tonight, so they decide to visit Hagrid. And during this time, they basically spend the afternoon chatting. “Who’s it going to be?” and all this kind of stuff. And it just reminded me of a simpler time, when we were all excited about a cultural event, or maybe something even school-related; who’s going to be prom king, who’s going to be… that kind of thing. What kind of moments get sparked by this kind of discussion that they’re having?

Andrew: Also reminds me of the selection of a new pope, where there’s a lot of anticipation.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Waiting for the pope signal. The pope chimney.

James: Wow.

Andrew: Or James, you might appreciate this one: waiting for Ryan Seacrest to announce the winner of American Idol, or who won that week’s competition.

James: Yeah, or who got voted off.

[Andrew and James laugh]

James: Fourth place. Hey, we’re on the fourth book. It’s okay. Perfect timing.

Andrew: Hey, fourth place is pretty damn good.

Eric: That’s really good.

James: Fourth place out of a country full of hopefuls is pretty sweet. Or like Halloween; it is Halloween time, also, so there’s that spirit in the air, although they’re not dressing up and trick or treating. But it still is a… the Great Hall is going to be filled with live bats and pumpkins and everything, so it is a festive time of year. And they haven’t visited Hagrid yet! So that’s also… I could imagine visiting Hagrid, you never know what you’re going to get. But it seems like when they go, they definitely stay.

Eric: That’s true. Even despite his beef stew.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Yeah, it’s really nice to see because apparently, when Hagrid was volun-told to take care of Madame Maxime’s horses, and he found out he was up to the challenge, he apparently struck up a conversation with this woman that he dodges out of the hut to meet. And who knows? Good for them. He’s sweet on Madame Maxime, and given that it’s just Valentine’s Day the other day, I’m feeling the love for these two.

Andrew: Aww. Well, yeah, and you think about how some students – namely Slytherins – will make fun of Hagrid. We’ve always seen him alone, basically, setting aside Fang. It’s nice to see that Hagrid actually can catch feelings for somebody. And that person feels the same way, as we come to learn.

Eric: Absolutely.

James: It’s got to be tough being a giant fish in a small pond, with a giant crush.

Andrew: [laughs] Or a half-giant.

James: A half-giant, yes.

Eric: He’s got a big heart. More to love. Except for house-elves; he will not join their cause, unfortunately. Well, to be clear, it’s not their cause.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Hagrid refuses flat-out to join. They’re going down to Hagrid’s, and Hermione is like, “We can’t go yet; I need to get my badges so that Hagrid can join SPEW,” and then he doesn’t. And he presents the most compelling argument so far that we have yet seen against SPEW being a thing. What do we think about…? What does it mean that Hagrid doesn’t join?

Andrew: Which part of his argument did you find compelling? Because at one point he says, [laughs] “There’s always a weirdo like Dobby, who enjoys being free.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: I just laugh that he said “weirdo.”

Eric: Yeah, okay, he does blanket erase the possibility that house-elves could want to be free. I don’t know. I just feel like, if you’re at Hogwarts for 60 years or 50 years that Hagrid has been, you probably do see some house-elves every once in a while and… I don’t know. I just think that when he tells Hermione – again, plenty of people have said this, but it doesn’t count because Ron is 14 – but when Hagrid says they are happy serving wizards, I feel like he has the authority to tell Hermione that more than anybody who’s done it before.

Laura: I think he’s doing the same thing that Hermione is doing, just to the opposite extreme. Where Hermione is assuming that she knows what exactly freedom would mean to house-elves and how they would want it to look, I think he’s also assuming just based on his socialization that this is what they want. I doubt that Hagrid has ever talked to a house-elf and been like, “Hey, so do you actually like being a slave?” [laughs] I don’t think that conversation has happened. I think Hagrid has been socialized like everyone else in the wizarding world to just feel like this is normal, so he doesn’t question it. But the funny thing about that is people do the exact same stereotyping and broad generalizing about giants, which Hagrid is, and he suffers the consequences of that in this book, so it’s just funny.

Andrew: Yeah. On one hand, I appreciate Hagrid just being straightforward and speaking his mind telling Hermione no, but on the other hand, Hermione is a student only in her fourth year, barely halfway through her career at Hogwarts. Why not support this effort and just sign up just to placate her? I don’t understand why he wouldn’t just do that just to be a good role model, a good supportive teacher to Hermione, who clearly cares about this topic.

Eric: Hagrid takes his politics very seriously. He never signs a petition unless he 100% believes in it.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: The only petition that he’s ever signed was for baby dragons for everybody that Quirrell floated around a few years ago.

[James laughs]

Eric: So he takes it all very seriously. All right, well, I think that those were the main elements of this chapter, “The Goblet of Fire.”


Odds & Ends


Eric: Let’s get into some Odds & Ends now. There is one moment where I mentioned earlier, but Harry’s adoration of Cho Chang. And I have to say, for setting the basis for Ron and Harry’s eventual – well, actually quite soon – falling out, I just don’t think that there is enough grounds for Ron to think that Harry is at all really, really wanting the cup. There’s no way Ron can know that Harry is fantasizing about Cho, and he never says it out loud that he would want to put his own name in, so I think Ron’s insecurity is about to get the best of him in a big way. It’d be a big deal if Harry on the other hand had answered Dean or Seamus or somebody and been like, “Yeah, I’d love to; this rule sucks!” That would be a way for you to be like, “Oh, Harry found a way,” but it very much isn’t that.

Andrew: Yeah.


MVP of the Week


Andrew: All right, well, with that, let’s move on to MVP of the week.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: And I have to give it to Ron – he’s been really cracking me up lately – for yelling “NO!” when Cedric’s name came out of the Goblet.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Bro, support your school! It doesn’t matter who! It doesn’t matter if it’s… I mean, if it was Draco, then you scream “No,” but otherwise, you don’t say that. You’ve got to support him. You are jelly.

Eric: Oh my God. I love it. I’m going to give mine to Hagrid for shooting his shot. You go, Hagrid.

Laura: I’m going to give mine to Fleur. I’m trying to get my pronunciations better on this. I’ve got to give it to her, girl power champion, and Hermione needs to chill. Hermione is being a little extra in this chapter, being super prickly towards the foreign exchange students. She needs to calm down.

James: I was going to give my MVP to the Goblet of Fire itself, as it is the name of the book and the name of the chapter, because in the movie, it’s portrayed as this glorious chalice, but it’s actually just a wooden cup.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

James: So because of that, I am disqualifying it, and I’m giving it to my MVP, the one true champion, Poliakoff.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

James: Get that boy some mead. Get that boy some mead.

Andrew: You really like that guy.

James: That disgusting boy. Get that disgusting boy some mead.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

James: I want to shake his hand.

[MVP of the Week music ends]

Andrew: You’re right about the cup, by the way. The movie had poisoned my memory; I had forgotten that it’s not as sexy in the book as it is in the movie. And what also has changed my memory of it is I got a Goblet of Fire from the Noble Collection – I think it was sent to me at one point – and I have it somewhere, but it’s beautiful. And then I read in the book it’s this wooden piece of kind of crap, and I’m just like, “Oh, that’s not what mine looks like.”

[James and Laura laugh]

James: No.

Andrew: Anyway.

James: But you know what? It goes to show: Fake it till you make it, and you, too, could be sitting on the magical stool.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: That’s the real MVP of this week, the stool that seems to invoke a lot of magical power to inanimate objects. But anyway…

James: Evanesco. Wrong stool.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

James: Poof.

Andrew: Listeners, if you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can email MuggleCast@gmail.com. You can also send a voice memo there – just like James did many years ago – or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. We will get to a Muggle Mail episode in the weeks ahead. We have not had one in a while and we were talking about it the other day. Stay tuned for a Muggle Mail episode, but next week we will have Goblet of Fire Chapter 17, “The Four Champions.”


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for our weekly trivia game, Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s Quizzitch question: Which Durmstrang student asks Igor Karkaroff to have some wine? Everybody, let’s say it out loud. The correct answer was…

Everyone: Poliakoff!

Eric: There we go.

James: Yay. Disgusting boy.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Yay, that disgusting boy, and newly crowned MVP of the week. Thank you, James.

James: Unanimously.

Andrew: Sure.

Eric: Oh, yeah, we all did it.

[James and Laura laugh]

Eric: Correct answers were submitted to us by – oh boy, here we go – Binge McCrinkle Harry; Bully a bass, the new French Veela special; Cameron; Cho Chang’s defense attorney; Crookshanks is a Flerken…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: … Elizabeth K.; Forrest the 11-year-old; I’d date a guy of any height, match me, MuggleCast…

Andrew: Okay.

Eric: … Jiggly Jane; Jen Pen; Katie; Elsie; Lloyd the Kiwi; Nymphagonagall…

Andrew: Ooh.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: … which is a ship name. See last week’s bonus. Raven White Claw; Robbie; The dribbled food down Poliakoff’s robes; The old cardigan under someone’s bed that Taylor Swift felt like; The sad rejected mulled wine Krum was offered…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: … The scissors that the hairdresser lost on the set of the fourth movie; The Wandering Wheatbelt Warlock; and finally, You do the Poliakoff Poliakoff and dribble food down your fur coat, that’s what it’s all about.

[James and Laura laugh]

Eric: Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: What was the birthday present that Mad-Eye Moody received and smashed thinking that it was a Basilisk egg?

Andrew: Ooh, sounds like James knows.

Eric: I know. That’s next chapter it gets mentioned, as always during our read-throughs.

James: I’m going to be working on my name.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, you’ve got to figure it out. How about just James Durbin, whose awesome single “Hallows” is out from his new album? That’s friggin’ metal, man. That’s so cool.

James: I submitted as Lord Durbin, but it didn’t make it, so I’ve got to be more creative.

Andrew, Eric, and Laura: Aww.

Eric: It wasn’t one of the top 15 creative names this week, and I’m trying to balance.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I’m very sorry. But you’re here in person, and that is the real treat.

James: Yes. Amen. Thank you.

Eric: Yeah, so submit your Quizzitch answers to us on the Quizzitch form on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or click on “Quizzitch” if you’re already on our website. Maybe you set it as your homepage. Click on “Quizzitch” on the main nav.

Andrew: James, congrats on the release of your new studio album, Screaming Steel, and the wizard rock single. What did you…? Wizard…? You called it wizard metal.

James: Wizard metal, yeah.

Andrew: “Hallows,” and plus you’ve got the other Harry Potter theme song on there. Where else can people find you online? Where can they follow you, your website… plug it all.

James: I am on Instagram, @JamesDurbinOfficial, verified. On Facebook.com/DurbinRock, verified. Twitter was verified, but it’s @DurbinRock, and I ain’t paying for that.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

James: JamesDurbinOfficial.com. I’m in like, eight different bands and projects. I just played the Sphere two days ago in Vegas…

Laura: Oh!

James: … for Salesforce, which was crazy, with one of the bands I play with. And I play a lot in the San Francisco Bay area, so check out my socials if you’re nearby there. And if not, the music is streaming everywhere. Durbin Screaming Steel; it’s my latest album. I’ve got… like I said, it’s my sixth solo album. So I’ve done rock, I’ve done pop, I’ve done Americana, I’ve done kind of punky classic rock, and now classic new wave of traditional heavy metal, so…

Andrew: Amazing.

James: I just love music. I love making music and enjoy doing it and have fans that enjoy all sorts, so I keep doing it.

Andrew: Well, we’re fans of you as well, and your work, and I’m definitely going to be spending my day tomorrow listening to your full discography, because you’re speaking my language here with some of these genres you’re describing. So thanks again, and listeners, we’ll have links in the show notes so you can check out James online and his music. Couple other reminders before we wrap up the show: Check out my wizard rock single – no, I’m kidding.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Visit MuggleCast.com for transcripts, social media links, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes, and to contact us. And if you enjoy MuggleCast and think other Muggle friends would, too, tell your friends about the show, and we’d also appreciate if you left us a review in your favorite podcast app. And of course, we couldn’t do this show without support from listeners like you, so if you’re an Apple Podcasts user, you can subscribe to MuggleCast Gold, where you’ll get two bonus MuggleCast installments every month, plus ad-free and early access to the show. And then on Patreon you get those things as well, plus our livestreams, our planning docs, a new physical gift every year… all kinds of things. So Patreon.com/MuggleCast is where you can find all of that. All right, that does it for this week’s episode. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Laura: I’m Laura.

James: And I’m Lord Durbin.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

James: [in a different voice] And I’m Poliakoff.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: That one character. [laughs] Does he get mentioned again in the entire series?

Eric: Never, no.

Andrew: He’s getting a lot of attention tonight.

Eric: Justice for – justice and mulled wine – for Poliakoff.

Transcript #645

 

MuggleCast 645 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #645, Dumbledore the Matchmaker (GOF Chapter 15, Beauxbatons and Durmstrang)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: And I’m Micah.

Andrew: Unfortunately, Laura is sick this week, but luckily we have one of our Slug Club patrons on – in the Laura chair, let’s call it – Katie. Hi, Katie. Welcome to MuggleCast!

Katie: Hi, guys. Happy to be here.

Andrew: We’re excited to have you. Thank you so much for your longtime support. You’ve contributed some great thoughts to today’s discussion, too, so we’re so excited to have you part of our discussion. I hope all of our listeners pull out their single-malt whiskey, because students from two foreign wizarding schools are pulling into Hogwarts in this week’s installment of Chapter by Chapter.

Micah: Choo-choo.

Andrew: Katie, before we go any further, can we get your fandom ID?

Katie: Yes. So my favorite book is Order of the Phoenix because it’s thick and that’s what I wanted at the time, lots of pages.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: “More! Give me more!”

Katie: Favorite movie: Goblet of Fire, because to Eric’s longtime point, it’s full of color. It’s the last film that’s just bursting with color. They did a lot of stuff wrong, but what they did right, they did great. And they gave us some banger songs from the Yule Ball, which I definitely listen to.

Andrew: [sings] “Can you dance like a hippogriff?”

Andrew, Eric, and Katie: “Ma-ma-ma, ma-ma-ma, ma-ma-ma.”

Katie: Yeah, yeah. Hogwarts House: Slytherin.

Andrew: Ooh.

Katie: I thought I was a Gryffindor my whole life; Pottermore told me otherwise.

Eric: Wow. How are you, Katie? How are you? Have to check in on that.

[Andrew laughs]

Katie: I’m still not… I grew up a jock, so I must be in Gryffindor, but then if I stack the tests to get in Gryffindor, then that’s a very Slytherin thing to do. So it’s an ongoing…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yes. Yes, it is.

Katie: Yeah, so just accepting it. Slytherin. Ilvermorny House: Pukwudgie. And my Patronus is a heron…

Eric: Ooh.

Katie: … which I used to be very excited about because that was the author’s Patronus, and now…

Andrew: You’re less excited. [laughs]

Eric: Now you’re like, “Can we just not? Let that be the only thing we share.”

Katie: Yeah, now it’s just… I shouldn’t have even said that.

Micah: Now it’s just yours. It’s just yours.

Katie: Yeah, exactly.

Andrew: Thank you for sharing your fandom ID, Katie, and thank you for your support on Patreon. And thanks to everybody who supports us; we really appreciate your financial support through Patreon or Apple Podcasts. So before we go any further, last week, inspired by Harry and Ron’s approach to their Divination homework, we took turns making predictions about one another’s futures, so I thought we should revisit these and see if any of them came true. First of all – and this actually might explain why Laura isn’t here this week – I predicted that Laura will encounter a great fortune, the likes of which she has never seen…

[Eric and Katie laugh]

Andrew: … but it’ll be just out of her grasp, due to an unspeakable law of resistance. So maybe she’s still trying to get that money. Or maybe she got the money.

Micah: She just doesn’t want to tell us the truth, right?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I think she had to… yeah, she had to not be on the show in order to claim it.

Micah: She’s going to break it to us softly.

Andrew: Micah, you predicted that I would get offended when someone doesn’t want to chit-chat, [laughs] but it’s not an affront to me; they are processing something I wouldn’t want to talk about anyway.

Katie: This is so personal. [laughs]

Andrew: Should I be speaking to my therapist about this one or what? Because I’m not sure if this came true.

Micah: Yeah, you might just want to check in with them to see. You might be bearing it on a subconscious level.

Andrew: Whoa. Okay. Micah, Eric predicted that you would learn about a new restaurant in Indianapolis that’s too good to pass up. Did that happen?

Micah: I believe it did.

Andrew: Oh!

Micah: So Eric must have some Trelawney blood in him, so… see, this one is tough, because I know Eric knew – or maybe he didn’t know – that I was going to Indianapolis next week.

Andrew: He did.

Eric: I did or didn’t I know? I don’t know.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: [imitating Trelawney] “The staaars have told me…”

Micah: But I have learned actually about several restaurants in Indianapolis that seem too good to pass up.

Andrew: Wow.

Micah: So Eric leading the charge here.

Eric: All right.

Andrew: Bon appétit. And then lastly, Laura predicted that Eric would get a lead on something new, exciting, and unexpected in the coming weeks that would transform his day to day.

Eric: I’m going to take it that Laura’s absence is here, so it didn’t come true, so something must be a complication of that.

Andrew: Okay.

Eric: So I’m still waiting on that one.

Andrew: She did say in the coming weeks, so…

Micah: Yeah, Eric has some time here.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah, you’ve got some time.

Eric: Okay.

Andrew: Safe to say those predictions could have gone a little bit better, but I guess we all have a little Trelawney in us.

Eric: I’m still waiting for our Tycho Dodonus predictions to really hit home.

Micah: Ooh.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: The Fantastic Beasts prophecies that we made.

Andrew: It is Valentine’s Day week, and we have a Valentine’s-themed edition of bonus MuggleCast coming up today, right, Eric?

Eric: That’s right. We are going to be playing [laughs] a wonderful take on the old beloved MuggleCast segment the Dueling Club, but we’re reworking it to make it the Snogging Club!

[Katie laughs]

Andrew: We’re going to be spinning a wheel, and then it’s going to give us two random characters, and then we’re going to have to argue why these two characters should be paired together.

Eric: Yep.

Katie: I can’t wait. Oh my God.

Eric: This takes shipping… and Katie, you are welcome to join us and play.

Katie: I cannot wait. Sign me up. Put me in, Coach. I’m so ready.

[Andrew and Katie laugh]

Eric: All right. Katie is at bat.

Micah: So this is like spin the bottle.

Eric: That’s exciting. Something to look forward to in the bonus on Patreon, and thanks to everyone who subscribes to us on Patreon and gets cool features like the bonus MuggleCast things.

Andrew: This is also a new benefit of MuggleCast Gold on Apple Podcasts. So yeah, going to be a lot of fun. And hey, Spotify listeners, did you know you can easily submit feedback each week? Just tap into an episode and you’ll see a box that says, “What did you think of this episode?” We might even feature your feedback on that episode’s page in Spotify, like we did for this piece of feedback. This was left by Josie on Episode 643 a few days ago; she said, “I love MuggleCats! And yes, I did that on purpose. (cat emoji) I am a diehard Swiftie and I love this reference.” The reference being that episode’s title, which was “Karma Is Crookshanks Purring in My Lap. “Thank you. Love you, besties, Josie.” Thank you, Josie.

Eric: You know what? I will say I’m glad that it wasn’t a reference to Quizzitch getting rid of fun usernames.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I’m glad that the vitriol has not gone that far. So we’re back, by the way, everybody, to hybrid names on Quizzitch.

Andrew: I guess we need to launch a spinoff podcast called “MuggleCats.” And Eric is a cat owner, a cat father, so you could lead that show for us, Eric.

Eric: I would love to lead that show, Andrew. Please, put me in, Coach.

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Katie, do you have any cats?

Katie: I sure do. Oh, yes.

Micah: You already have an apparel line, too, Eric, that you can start with.

Eric: That’s right. I have an apparel line that says “Martha can do no wrong,” or “Martha’s way is the right way”?

Micah: Something like that.

Andrew: Awesome. Well, no matter where you listen, no matter how you support us, thank you, everybody. We really appreciate it.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: And now it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re going to discuss Goblet of Fire Chapter 15, “Beauxbatons and Durmstrang,” and we’ll start, as always, with our Seven-Word Summary. [intensely] Katie, are you ready?

Katie: Oh, boy. Yes.

Andrew: Put me in, Coach. She’s going to play. Okay, here we go.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Katie: Foreigners…

Micah: … arrive…

Andrew: … at…

Eric: … the…

Katie: … clean…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … squeaky…

Andrew: … school. Perfect. I think we just need to add a little comma right here: “clean, squeaky school.”

[Seven-Word Summary music ends]

Eric: Yeah, or “clean-squeaky.”

Andrew: But then is that one less word?

Eric: Oh, wait. Yeah. Separate. Comma! Comma!

Micah: Comma.

Andrew: [chanting] Comma, comma…

[Katie laughs]


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Andrew: Okay, so for this first part of this discussion, I want to talk about the Imperius Curse and Moody’s DADA class. I was chuckling as I was reading this chapter because last week, we were debating whether or not Dumbledore knew that Fakey was teaching the Imperius Curse. I am now confident Dumbledore did not know that these curses were being taught in Moody’s class, because in this class in this chapter, Moody claims Dumbledore wants the Imperius Curse taught on all of them, and there is no way. There is no way! So I am now convinced Dumbledore does not know. And this also makes me think that these Unforgivable Curses are only being taught in Harry’s class, because if he was teaching this to all the students that he had and doing the Imperius Curse on all the students, it would have a much higher chance of getting out, of somebody finding out what he was up to.

Eric: I mean, this really represents the biggest secret kept from Dumbledore that’s right under his nose. I mean, if this is true, Andrew, it means Dumbledore does absolutely not know what’s going on in the school. It’s kind of like an own, a little bit. I mean, are you prepared to say that Dumbledore is that clueless?

Andrew: [exhales] Well, it’s a big school.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: And I just can’t compute why Dumbledore would see this going on and be like, [imitating Dumbledore] “Whatever, it’s fine.” It would be cruel. It would be a fireable offense at the Ministry level.

Katie: He probably trusts Moody, who he believes to be Moody so much that he doesn’t even audit the class.

Andrew: Ooh.

Katie: Because he’s like, “It’s Moody. It’s Alastor. There’s just no way that he would do anything like this.” And Fakey makes up stuff like “The big guys don’t want you to know” to make the kids… to give them some agency and confidence that they’re allowed to participate in this very exciting Auror-type training.

Andrew and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: And to the question about whether or not this is only Harry’s class, I’m not so sure of that. Because we’re told that they’re not supposed to learn the Unforgivable Curses until sixth year, so presumably, I don’t see why he wouldn’t be teaching this in fourth year, fifth year, sixth year. And to expand on that – someone raised this in the last episode; I can’t remember if it was Laura or it was you, Eric – but this is very much a playing with your food moment for Barty Crouch, Jr. He is literally able to perform Unforgivable Curses on 14-year-olds with zero repercussions. And it reminds me of McGonagall’s comments from earlier in the book that surely Dumbledore would have mentioned something to Moody about using transfiguration as a punishment, so if Dumbledore doesn’t allow transfiguration as a punishment, he surely doesn’t allow his professors to perform Unforgivable Curses on his students. [laughs]

Andrew: Yes. 100%.

Micah: So I agree with Andrew; he does not know about this. There’s no way.

Eric: Well, going back to… again, I just really have always thought that Dumbledore is omniscient about everything. Every time Harry sneaks out, I’m like, “Dumbledore somewhere has a gizmo that went off in his office and knows about this.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I just always pictured that, and this…

Andrew: He got a little Air Tag alert. “Your Harry has left you. He has left the school boundaries.”

Eric: He’s checking his Snap map. He’s checking Harry Potter Snap map.

[Andrew and Katie laugh]

Eric: Well, anyway, however… this is well-reasoned, Andrew. Lately, this really stumps me, and the only way I can reconcile that Dumbledore wouldn’t actually know is if Moody is putting – or sorry – Fakey is putting a secret Imperius Curse on the students to where they’re not allowed to tell an adult what’s going on. Maybe the curse has not been lifted after they leave class.

Andrew: I want to also address, Eric, the point about Dumbledore knowing everything that’s going on, being omniscient. I agree with you. I have agreed with you before on that take; I feel like it makes sense that he really does know, or knows let’s say 99%, of what’s going on. But then moments like this happen and I’m like… I feel like this is proof he doesn’t.

Katie: He is attending events coordination meetings about the Goblet of Fire. Inspecting the Goblet…

Andrew: Oh yeah, maybe he’s just busy.

Eric: How many meetings could they have had, given how badly it goes?

[Eric and Katie laugh]

Andrew: He’s cleaning the trophies. He’s helping cleaning the school as well.

Katie: He’s like nesting mothers. “It’s probably fine. Perhaps a little too dangerous, but if that’s the only one we got, gotta do it, I guess.”

Andrew: So then there’s the question of the trio and why they would just go with it. Did it cross their minds that Dumbledore would actually not want them to be Imperiused? And I see Court who’s listening live right now on our Patreon bring this up too: Why didn’t Hermione rat him out? I’m wondering if they didn’t question it because they went into their first DADA class being very excited about Moody. They had heard good things about him; their guard was down when it came to Moody.

Eric: This and the events of the Quidditch Cup with the resurgence of the Death Eaters really does sell that it’s darker times. Darker times call for darker lessons. I think that it’s funny to see, if that is a reason why people’s guard was a little bit more down, they’re used to getting into a little bit more… or they’re amenable to the idea of getting into harder lessons or deeper, darker magic, it’s because of something that Fakey actually did earlier in the year in casting the Dark Mark, so that’s kind of fun.

Micah: But presumably this is a fireable offense, right? If word got out… if any student wrote home to their parents and said, “Oh, yeah, what did I do in school today? I got Imperiused and did cartwheels around the room or almost jumped out the window.” If you’re a wizarding world parent, you have to be very concerned about this. And there’s even a through line to Order of the Phoenix because there’s now a track record for students not going to Dumbledore or their Head of House to basically tell on what their professors are doing, right? Think about with Umbridge. Harry is in detention, and he’s got this scar now that’s showing up on his hand because literally what he’s writing is burning into his skin, and he doesn’t go to anybody about that. Presumably, that would have gotten Umbridge tossed out right away. And I think it’s the same thing here for Moody. If anybody would have said something about this, Moody would have been gone.

Katie: You just reminded me, too, that I think Umbridge – speaking of Order of the Phoenix – I’m pretty sure when she’s dissing every single DADA professor and Harry gets all offended, the last thing she says is she comments on Moody doing this stuff with mirth, and then Harry is like, “Oh, because it was a Death Eater,” and then that’s one of his detentions. So it does come out at some point, the details of this.

Micah: That’s a great point.

Andrew: Also, I mean, this could be cause to fire Dumbledore too. I mean, the buck has to stop with somebody, and it should probably be the person who hired Moody, or Fakey.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Why wasn’t he vetted more? Look, I know it’s bizarre to hear me say this because I tend to be the guy defending Dumbledore, but it’s very upsetting that this Death Eater was working undercover at Hogwarts, Imperiusing the students, lying about Dumbledore… somebody has to take the fall here, and not just Fakey. Let’s talk about the Imperius Curse and what happens. We actually get an inside look at how it feels to be put under the Imperius Curse: Harry experiences “the most wonderful feeling… a floating sensation as every thought and worry in his head was wiped gently away, leaving nothing but a vague, untraceable happiness… he stood there feeling immensely relaxed, only dimly aware of everyone watching him.” I thought this was a very interesting description. I don’t think it’s what I would have expected, especially because this is an illegal curse and very, very dangerous. But on the other hand, reading it, I do understand it because it’s almost wiping out your brain to control you. You don’t have any other feelings because you shouldn’t. You’re being controlled.

Eric: Right, right. All of the suffering that we have all of the… if you have anxiety, if you have intrusive thoughts, all of that is gone because your only thought is what you’re being told to do. It’s sad, actually, that Harry goes to this place of relief and happiness, because he’s been so traumatized that he’s probably never felt calmer [laughs] than when he’s under the Imperius Curse. I think that’s what we’re meant to take away from it, that it’s actually a tragic thing that Harry is relieved to be in this state.

Micah: Sure.

Katie: Yeah, some people might feel… I suppose everybody would feel this relief so that they would do the thing, but I would imagine maybe some people feel discomfort, not relief, but nothingness or unconcern. But yeah, the word “relief” is interesting there when you call it out like that. What could it be, to be 14 and needing relief from something?

Andrew and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: There’s seemingly this false sense of security that exists in being under the Imperius Curse, and thinking about it, these two… well, if you look at Imperio and Crucio, they’re really at the opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of what they do to you, right? Because Imperio makes you feel – at least, because we’ve only seen it experienced through Harry’s eyes – safe, right? Comfortable. The Cruciatus Curse inflicts severe pain. So it was just interesting to me that these are at different ends of the spectrum in terms of what they do to you, even though they’re Unforgivable.

Eric: Yeah, well, yes and no on that, because Fakey is ultimately doing relatively safe things to them with the Imperius Curse. I think that the issue that comes is once you are experiencing harm or pain, the curse forces you to do that too. So like, he says that the Imperius Curse can be used to make the spider drown itself, right? That wouldn’t be a blissful feeling while it’s doing it.

Micah: But maybe, because the agency is completely removed, so you don’t in that moment…

Eric: The agency is, yeah, but your body would be protesting. Your lungs would be wanting to. It would be a… it’s already a horrible thing to think about.

Micah: But would they? That’s the question. That’s what makes this, I think – probably outside of the Killing Curse – the most dangerous of any of the Unforgivable Curses, because you’re literally going to do anything without any kind of resistance, unless you’re somebody like Harry or somebody who’s practiced in being able to resist this type of curse.

Katie: I mean, you’ll be a Death Eater for years, right, and then claim that you were Imperiused. Lucius Malfoy, I think, was the most…

Eric: There has to be a test… but yeah, you’re right, Katie.

Andrew: Well, and doesn’t Moody say the Ministry was really – well, Fakey says – around this area of the book that the Ministry was having a hard time figuring out who was Imperiused and who wasn’t? So to your point, Eric, about a test, unfortunately… you’re saying a test to detect if somebody was Imperiused or not?

Eric: Yeah, like, everyone who claims that they were Imperiused should have their drawing room floors searched for trapdoors to a cellar full of evil and Dark objects, and then be given the benefit of the doubt only after a thorough search has been completed.

Andrew: Right.

Katie: Or very personal questions, right.

Eric: Right.

Katie: Nicknames. “Mollywobbles” and all that.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah.

Eric: That kind of stuff.

Andrew: I was wondering if there’s a Muggle equivalent to these sensations that Harry is describing, or certain adult vices.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: If you’re sedated on some level, or you’re drugged on some level, I think, where you lose control of your abilities, that could certainly be comparable.

Katie: There’s the big difference between the motor control in the Muggle world. Any kind of sedation usually compromises physical ability, and Moody is having people do somersaults and dancing and all of this stuff, which requires very detailed motor control, which… I fail to find, because of that, anything close to that in our world.

Eric: Yeah, it’s a good point. It’s like somebody’s inhabiting your body; it’s just not you.

Katie: Puppet master.

Eric: I think that the personal detachment that one feels to one’s own body could be maybe achieved or similarly by meditation, but you’re entering a very slow moving – to your point, Katie – state, and your body’s not active during this time. You’re freeing your mind, depersonalizing, finding a higher plane of enlightenment. It has nothing to do with cartwheels and somersaults.

Katie: All the positive things of letting go and finding relief from within.

Eric: Right.

Micah: I think Laura had a pretty good suggestion here, too, which was hypnosis. That might be the closest comparison.

Andrew and Katie: Yes.

Katie: I think there’s plenty of examples in culture and psychology, history of psychology, of people doing things, but I’ve never tried it myself.

Andrew: Me neither. I’m afraid to.

Katie: I’m a bit skeptical.

Andrew: Yeah, that too.

Katie: You’re afraid to?

Andrew: Well, yeah, I don’t want to be controlled.

Katie: If it actually works? [laughs]

Andrew: Well, because in high school, we had these… after the dance, there’d be this event at the school to keep you away from partying and whatnot later into the night after prom or whatever. And they would bring in a hypnotist and they’d have ten students up on stage, and they would do it. And I was present for these; I wasn’t on the stage. But these people… “When I snap my fingers, you will fall asleep. When I snap my fingers, you’ll wake up. When I snap my fingers again, you’ll do a dance.” Stuff like that. And it seemed pretty convincing to me. I didn’t hear…

Katie: Everybody fell in line?

Andrew: Yes!

Katie: It wasn’t just like, the theater kids that all signed up and then did it?

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: “Oh, you know what? Coincidentally, all the volunteers were from the theater department.”

[Andrew and Katie laugh]

Eric: No, Andrew, I’m with you 100%. Anytime I see that and it’s supposedly real and it’s in front of me, I’m terrified. What if it were me? I don’t like the idea of not being in control of my own body.

Andrew: Amen to that. Well, let’s keep moving along here. Somebody mentioned a few minutes ago that Harry was able to resist the curse to an extent; part of him didn’t understand why he should have to jump on the desk, which is showing his resistance. Fakey is actually very impressed by this, and Harry is the only student that can resist. But I was also thinking, so Fakey is enjoying himself, but is he secretly mad? Because he’s learning here that Harry is a pretty good fighter in a way he didn’t necessarily know.

Katie: Yeah, so I had this thought that… because he not only teaches the kids Imperius Curse, but he makes Harry do it four times until Harry can throw it off completely. And later in this book, I’m pretty sure Voldemort tries to use it on him in the graveyard with the bow thing. I think Lucius tries it again. So he’s equipping Harry with the very skills that Harry will use against the Death Eaters. And whereas surely a guy of this much power, if he’s inside Harry’s mind, could probably do a nonverbal hex to weaken Harry or mess him up, plant some kind of seed there, he could easily sabotage Harry in some way. And it made me think about Polyjuice Potion, and if somebody takes it for long enough, is there a risk for Dissociative Identity Disorder where you actually start to believe the person that you are? Is it possible that Barty Crouch is just getting so into Moody’s character that he’s just excited, feeding off of these kids, and leaning into his role as the zany professor…

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Katie: … just knowing that the stronger Harry is… in the back of his mind he’s justifying it like, the stronger Harry is, the more Voldemort will appreciate the fight or something. He could be making up all kinds of lies to himself.

Andrew: Ooh. Right.

Eric: Maybe. I do think there’s… in the LARP community we call it character bleed.

Katie: Oh, sure, okay.

Eric: I do think that Crouch has some character bleed here.

Katie: There it goes, yeah.

Eric: “Professor Moody! Professor Moody!” He loves being called that.

Andrew: So fascinating.

Katie: And he was in Azkaban; he could be really enjoying his time here.

Andrew: Yeah. I keep coming back to Eric, too, complimenting Barty Crouch, Jr. a few weeks ago, being like, “I’m impressed by you.” And at first I was like, “Wait, what?”, but as we continue to read and as we continue to analyze, I get it. These points being brought up… what a fascinating character!

[Andrew and Katie laugh]

Katie: Seriously.

Eric: Really interesting, yeah. And it’s like… he likes Voldemort, or he is at one point… he’s on Voldemort’s side. He’s willing to be part of this plot to get Harry to go to meet Voldemort and die. But he also really wants to train Harry a little bit, to kind of give the Death Eaters a run for their money, and there is something pretty sick about it. It’s the playing with your food before you’re eating it. But actually, Harry is thankful, and I think in the future, Harry really credits Fakey for even just… he’s the one who tells him to become an Auror. That is a life path that Harry does go down, so it definitely… we can’t discredit the impact that this Death Eater disguised teacher has on Harry’s development. It’s really interesting.

Katie: Nor can we forget that he does sleep next to a body in the trunk every night…

[Andrew makes a disgusted, shuddering noise]

Eric: What a creep.

Katie: … so layer upon layer of complexity there, to the point where Harry asks about it, and he’s like, “Yeah, it’s got some cool stuff. Ha ha.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: ZN in the Discord says that Fakey is love bombing Harry. [laughs]

Andrew: Oh my gosh.

Katie: Yes.

Micah: For Valentine’s Day, of course.

Eric: Yay.

Micah: I think he just really enjoys it, though. I think there’s something about him that loves the fact that Harry is resisting this…

Eric: Yes.

Micah: … and it presents a bit of a challenge that he maybe wasn’t expecting. So I also think that there’s a connecting the threads bit here to Lupin, because with Expecto Patronum, how many times does Lupin push Harry till he finally gets it right? Much like Moody does the same thing here, until he’s finally able to resist the Imperius Curse. So there’s definitely connections. I know we talked about Umbridge earlier, but there’s a bit of a connection here with Lupin as well.

Andrew: We are going to discuss whether or not Harry’s Horcrux could be in play in this scene, but first, we’re going to take a quick break. We’ll be right back.

[Ad break]

Micah: One thing I wanted to call out – because we are pretty good at identifying moments throughout the series now that we know that Harry is part Horcrux – and this is a moment I feel like…

Eric: Wait, what?

[Andrew and Katie laugh]

Micah: Oh, sorry. Did you not finish Book 7? I know you didn’t like it.

Eric: Spoilers! When did this happen?

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: I wanted to ask, is Harry resisting in this moment the Imperius Curse? Or is the Horcrux resisting?

Eric: I love this question.

Micah: Because one would assume Voldemort is extremely good at resisting the Imperius Curse, and we hear a voice talking back to Harry inside of his head. Now, I don’t want to take anything away from Harry. We know he’s good at Defense Against the Dark Arts; it’s his best subject. But I also feel like… we often throw out the question, is it his best subject because it was one of Tom Riddle’s best subjects? Harry is not really good at anything.

Katie: I don’t think we ever hear Harry have an internal argument with himself ever except for this one moment, so it is probably a coincidence, though. But interesting that it’s also in the centerpiece book of the seven.

Eric: Could be hinting at what’s to come. Yeah, I like the idea that he hears this other voice when he’s in a trance-like state, so he’s able to connect on a totally deep level with another persona, or another personality is here. I do think it… I love this theory. And normally when we ask the question “Is Harry’s Horcrux giving him an advantage here?”, I would usually say no, in the earlier books especially. But in this case, I’m prepared to endorse that, Micah. I’m prepared to say this is the first real time where the Horcrux really shines; it’s because Harry has something that the other students don’t. No other student is as good or fails to be completely controlled the first time, but Harry is, and I think it’s because when Harry’s mind is wiped with the Imperius Curse, there’s still someone else there.

Andrew: Also, just want to throw out a little foreshadow alert, because Harry says, “The way [Moody] talks, you’d think we were all going to be attacked any second.”

[Foreshadowing sound effect plays]

Andrew: I’d say that’s foreshadowing what’s going to be happening at the end of this book. So now let’s move on to the other half of this discussion, the excitement around the Triwizard Tournament. So the Beauxbatons and Durmstrang students are arriving on Halloween Eve, and the students are very excited. Though Ron’s mood is a little dampered because we learn that Hufflepuff’s Cedric Diggory will be putting his name in the Goblet, and Ron clearly does not like him. [laughs] He said, “That idiot, Hogwarts champion?” And Hermione thinks Ron doesn’t like him because he beat Gryffindor at Quidditch, and then Ron retorts that Hermione just likes him because he’s handsome.

Eric: The first thing I think of when I hear Ron saying, “Cedric, that idiot?” is you don’t even know him! When would Ron and Cedric have interacted? At least Harry and Cedric have actually played on the same team; they played a game together. Ron is just bandwagoning, and I think he’s doing it because he was probably next to Harry when Amos Diggory at the beginning of the year was like, “Oh, my son beat Harry in Quidditch,” and “Isn’t he awesome,” and stuff. But the thing is, that was Cedric’s dad. Cedric himself is a class act. Cedric is such a class act that that the Goblet of Fire picks him to be Hogwarts champion. So I just think it’s unfair for Ron to…

Micah: Remember, he wanted a rematch. He offered Harry a rematch, right? At the end Prisoner of Azkaban or in the book somewhere.

Eric: That’s exactly it. Yeah, well, he had requested when he found out why Harry fell off his broom.

Andrew: So it just comes down to looks, then, right? Ron knows Cedric is a good-looking guy…

Katie: He’s a Chad and Ron’s not, and Ron’s being mad about it.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: I mean, Ron basically admits it comes down to looks. He says to Hermione, “You like him just because he’s handsome.” That’s a classic thing that happens in school. You’re jealous…

Micah: This is a lovers’ quarrel, though.

Andrew: Yes, yes. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Katie: Mhmm. Beginning.

Eric: This is Ron’s character flaw; we know this. And he’s pre-attacking and he’s getting pre-defensive for no reason against any potential threats in his pursuit of Hermione.

Micah: Totally. I also thought it could be fun to talk about Ron from the standpoint of… for all we’ve seen through these first couple books, he’s very much Team Gryffindor. He hasn’t expanded to be anything more than that yet. And that obviously changes very quickly once Harry’s name comes out of the Goblet of Fire and he’s all about Cedric, as opposed to being about Harry, but it’s also just a maturity thing, I think, for Ron, where he’s grown up knowing Gryffindor, but he’s not grown enough yet to see how… kind of being Team Hogwarts. He’s like, “If Cedric’s name does come out of the Goblet of Fire,” which it obviously does, he’s not willing at this time to be accepting of that. He wouldn’t get behind somebody who is representing his entire school, not just Hufflepuff. So I think, as we talked about in the previous chapter with Ron related to SPEW, he’s got a lot of growing up to do.

Katie: This is a tough book for Ron. A lot of growing pains.

Andrew: No, it is a good point, Micah. And it is a bummer that Ron isn’t in a position where he could be Team Hogwarts instead of Team… Myself.

[Andrew and Katie laugh]

Andrew: So the faculty is very excited about today as well, and the school wants to put its best foot forward; the school is undergoing an extra thorough cleaning. And this reminded me of when big events happen in the Muggle world in cities. I’ll always remember growing up in South Jersey, the Democratic or Republican National Convention was coming to Philadelphia, just over the river from me, and oh boy was Philadelphia cleaning itself up!

[Katie laughs]

Andrew: You know those dividers in the road? Those cement dividers in the middle of the road to separate opposing traffic? They were painting bricks on the cement dividers to make it look classier.

[Katie laughs]

Andrew: Stuff like that. When a head of state comes into the country, a city cleans up. We were hearing about that happening in San Francisco a few months ago. It’s time to go undergo an extra thorough cleaning. [laughs]

Katie: Oh my God.

Eric: That’s a great example. I just think, yeah, it’s funny because growing up, somebody coming over – who’s not normally over and used to your level of cleanliness, let’s just say – was the main impetus to actually do cleaning. It’s like no matter who it is, you really want to put your best foot forward, and so it’s fun to see… I guess I would say cooperation, but it all just seems like it’s just mostly Filch who’s going around and having to clean up Hogwarts. Also, the funnier thing about this to me is it’s a medieval castle. There’s no way you can get super… unless they start painting the bricks.

[Eric and Katie laugh]

Katie: Paint a coat of gloss on everything.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, there’s no way to really get it to look nicer. And what does nicer even mean? More modern, necessarily?

Katie: Yeah. This just occurred to me that it’s almost a bit of foreshadowing for the Yule Ball, too, because in a few chapters, we’ll hear about how all the people are doing this to their own hair and looks the same way in anticipation of showing up. We get a similar thing with how Sprout and Hagrid, how everyone’s taming themselves, and it’s fun. There’s a lot of makeovers in this book.

Eric: It’s kind of a meme behavior, these trends that are coming out of this event, in the original meaning of meme.

Micah: Eric just brought up Filch, but I really do hope they give him some assistance. I don’t think it’s fair that they would make him clean the entire castle with no magical help at all from any of the other professors, or students for that matter.

Eric: This is the book where it’s all about house-elves. House-elves are probably helping…

Micah: They probably are.

Eric: … which doesn’t necessarily make us feel better. But I know that in the Jim Kay illustrated version, there’s a house-elf cleaning, so pick your poison.

Katie: Yeah. And it’s funny how cleaning is reserved for detention. It’s kind of troubling that none of these students are learning the self-care of cleanliness in a way.

Eric: Oh my gosh. That’s a great point, Katie. [laughs]

Katie: It just came to me, like…

Andrew: Well, and honestly, that happens in the Muggle world too. Your parent might punish you by being like, “Go mow the lawn,” or “Go clean your room,” or stuff like that.

Katie: Sure.

Andrew: But you’re so right.

Eric: Yeah, but what about pride?

Katie: Pride, yes!

Eric: What about the school pride and…?

Andrew: “Let’s all chip in together.”

Eric: Yeah, like, “Let’s all volunteer.” “We’re taking volunteers to go mow the Quidditch pitch,” or something that never happens.

Katie: You’re 16/17; make your own bed!

[Andrew laughs]

Katie: How are you getting ready for the real world? I should hope.

Eric: They’re coddled in their beds by the house-elves.

Katie: So coddled.

Eric: It’s funny that nobody at Hogwarts has learned the everyday magic of tidying up.

Andrew: Yes, ah, you’re making a reference to the Marie Kondo book of the same name. I love cleaning. I’ve always been somebody who really enjoys cleaning.

Eric: It’s good, yeah.

Andrew: Kids, if your parents are punishing you with cleaning things when you’ve been bad, enjoy it. Listen to MuggleCast – or MuggleCats – while you’re cleaning up, or maybe…

Katie: Right.

Eric: Dear Forrest, dear Luke, surprise your parents; tell them MuggleCast has recommended that you clean something, and ask your parents where they would like the help.

Andrew: “I’ll do my chores, and you don’t even have to pay me a dollar. I’ll do it for free, because I hear cleaning is a cool thing to do.”

Eric: Well, don’t do that, because your labor has value.

[Everyone laughs]

Katie: I love cooking and folding laundry to MuggleCast, so it all works. That’s my thing.

Andrew, Eric, and Micah: Aww.

Andrew: Basically, what we’re saying is it can feel good to step away from a screen. It could feel therapeutic.

Eric: I’d be folding laundry right now; I just don’t have clean laundry right now.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: I need to wash it first.

Micah: Unless you’re playing Luigi’s Mansion; then you could be staring at a screen and feeling good about cleaning things up at the same time.

Eric: It’s so satisfying when the ghosts go [makes wubbly sound]

Andrew: Oh, yeah, that sound is so satisfying. I so agree. All right, so the other schools do arrive, and it’s very different than the movie.

Katie: Oh, boy. Yeah.

Micah: So I think there’s a huge opportunity for the TV show to Max this…

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

Micah: … because we get it at the end of the movie, right? When both Beauxbatons and Durmstrang are leaving, but their entrances are so freaking cool and all we get in the movie is just the doors of the Great Hall busting open, some cartwheels and butterflies, and that’s it. [laughs]

Katie: Blown kisses for the pretty French girls and then extreme physical Cossack dancing for all of the big burly guys.

Eric: At least we do get to see the vehicles fly away at the end of the movie.

Micah: Yeah, but…

Eric: But it definitely, I think, suffered in the adaptation from over condensation here.

Katie: Yeah, these are epic arrivals.

Andrew: So in terms of how the movie does it, of course, Durmstrang is all men. Beauxbatons… [pronounces it “Bow-battens”] Beauxbatons… [pronounces it in French] I always say it differently – all women.

Eric: That’s okay, Andrew, we’re working on it. We have all the book to get it right.

[Andrew and Katie laugh]

Eric: By Chapter 38, you’re going to be like, “Beauxbatons. Why did I ever say it any different?”

Micah: In fairness to Andrew, Michael Gambon’s Dumbledore also says “Bow-battens.”

Andrew: Oh, maybe that’s where it’s coming from.

Katie: [laughs] Of course he does.

Andrew: Because I’m one of the only five people on Earth who liked Michael Gambon’s portrayal of Dumbledore.

Eric: It’s true.

Andrew: Anyway, this whole movie portrayal of an all-guys school and all-girls school, it doesn’t really make sense, because if these schools are boys only or girls only, where do the other students who aren’t boys or girls, respectively, go to school? And why aren’t they competing in the Triwizard Tournament? It doesn’t make sense. [laughs]

Katie: No.

Eric: Didn’t you know that there are no French men, Andrew?

[Katie laughs]

Andrew: Oh, that’s it. Okay. Micah, you were just over in Paris. Can you confirm that?

Micah: That is a lie.

Andrew: Oh, okay. So the Beauxbatons arrive via a powder blue giant horse-drawn carriage, and Harry notes Madame Maxime’s height, and we get a sense of her accent in the writing as well, which is honestly very fun to read, I think, similar to how Hagrid’s manner of speaking is very fun to read. And reading this area and knowing that they later will be in a relationship, Hagrid and Maxime, it almost feels like Dumbledore is being a wingman for Hagrid, because Dumbledore says that “Hagrid will take excellent care of your horses; don’t worry about it.” And she also says that her horses only drink single-malt whiskey, which I think will be music to Hagrid’s ears.

[Andrew and Katie laugh]

Eric: Only the finest single-malt whiskey.

Katie: He’s got barrels of it. He’s been waiting for this moment.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Micah: I can get some AI of Dumbledore being Hagrid’s wingman, if you’d like. No?

Eric: No.

Micah: Maybe?

Andrew: I like it.

Katie: I’m not sure what that would look like. I guess he’d be at a bar, an establishment with Hagrid perhaps, or looking at Tinder together.

Eric: The thing for me – I think we’re just not used to seeing it through Harry’s eyes or whatever – but this is perfectly on the dot stately behavior. The delegations are arriving; they’re welcoming each other. Dumbledore has his kiss of her hand, Maxime’s hand, and the “Yes, I assure you, your horses will be well taken care of. Our gamekeeper will take care of… our Care of Magical Creatures teacher…” so he is doing Hagrid a solid, but at the same time, I think that it’s just very… it just is Hagrid’s lucky day, really…

Katie: Right.

Eric: … that he’s the one who’s going to be able to handle these massive horses. Also, I don’t think we ever get a real explanation as to why they are the way that they are.

Katie: Like, why they drink whiskey? What’s part of their gastro-intestinal…? [laughs]

Eric: I mean, they drink whiskey because they’re badass, and that’s what I keep telling myself.

Katie: Do they eat? [laughs] They only drink whiskey.

Eric: Well, whiskey is a meal, actually. I think it’s three of the seven on the food pyramid, yeah.

[Andrew laughs]

Katie: Okay. Got it.

Eric: It’s sugar because of alcohol… anyway, I’m not going to… yeah.

Katie: [laughs] Right, yeah. I do headcanon that Dumbledore is a matchmaker and that that’s how he puts his powers of manipulation and love for drama to good use, is just by setting people up with little concern. Although, to your point, Eric, this is just a diplomatic gesture.

Andrew: Amazing. No, I love it.

Katie: A little bit of both, perhaps.

Andrew: I think I’ve said on the show before that Dumbledore being so old and having been at Hogwarts for so long, he needs ways to keep himself entertained, and here’s a great way: playing matchmaker for some homies.

Micah: Because clearly, he’s not paying attention to what’s going on his classes, so he might as well just be a wingman.

[Katie laughs]

Andrew: Yeah. And I mean, sorry to bring the mood down, but what if he’s…? If he has to also conceal his sexuality, or he feels like he has to stay in the closet, then he’s also playing matchmaker to kind of distract himself.

Katie: I’ve written some fanfiction with this premise, but I won’t talk about it here.

Andrew: Ooh!

Katie: We don’t have to include this in the show, but I’ll tell you about it later. [laughs]

Andrew: Oh, this sounds interesting.

Katie: Maybe for the bonus.

Andrew: No, tell us.

Katie: The premise is Arthur and Molly’s time at Hogwarts, and Madame Pomfrey is like a Meredith Grey type of young healer coming to the school, and Dumbledore… this was before Potter-no-more released the background on Minerva McGonagall, but Dumbledore and McGonagall are on the same team, and he positions them together. He sends Minerva to Pomfrey’s room before the feast, where she’s very nervous, with a little bit of Scotch, too, to just calm her nerves, and things happen.

Andrew: Wow. Oh, interesting.

Katie: And Dumbledore is pulling the strings the whole time.

Andrew: Wow!

Micah: Before we move on to Durmstrang, I did just want to ask about Madame Maxime. I know we touched a little bit on her appearance and how she’s introduced in this book, but this is certainly something we could talk more about in terms of how the French are represented in Goblet of Fire and beyond, as we spend more time with Fleur. But it’s definitely coming from a certain… perspective, is probably the best way to frame it for right now. And I’m sure Chloé could provide some more insight here – and I’m pretty sure they talked about it on the all girls episode as well – but they don’t do Madame Maxime many favors here, and I’m wondering if it’s coming from a certain perspective that the author has or maybe others have of…

Eric: Oh, yeah. I mean, it’s like, “She’s a handsome woman.”

Katie: I actually think she’s one of the few women that the author describes that’s not either her typical archetypes of the smart Hermione or a pretty, annoying person. She’s a very strong, handsome, empowered… I think it’s the French. All of the English perspective on French people is like, “They’re all snobby.” Why, I don’t know. That comes across a little. She is written to have a little bit of her nose in the air. Is that what you’re talking about, Micah? That, sort of?

Micah: Yeah, and I guess just kind of the shock value that Ron and others have upon seeing her for the first time as she gets out of the carriage.

Andrew: Because of her height.

Katie: The giant thing.

Eric: It’s just too… well, yeah. And I don’t know necessarily, to your point, Micah, that the explanation is ever really given for why Madame Maxime looks the way she does, or why the students are arriving on giant horses. I’m sure there’s a very culturally interesting reason for all of it that just isn’t included in this book. And before we go and say that the author didn’t want to spend time on it or whatever, the author was very rushed with this book, and so I think that there were some things that might have been in the book, including greater backstory or understanding of why these things are happening, or why each of the schools are the way they are. Like, I don’t know why Durmstrang – which I thought we were just talking about being way up north, and I was thinking mountains, but maybe not – have a sinkable ship. Why? What’s the deal with that? There’re some interesting choices that I’d love to know more about.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, there are phrases used as her being “unnaturally large,” “Harry had only seen one other person as large as this woman…” But then to your point, she is referred to be handsome, olive-skinned…. so yeah, it could be a conversation for another time.

Andrew: Also, in terms of the height, I mean, we have to remember that Hagrid does enter a relationship with her for some time. We don’t know if it lasts forever. So maybe it could just be as simple as that, trying to pair them up.

Katie: Yeah, it’s the foreshadowing to the whole Rita Skeeter giant/giantess blow-up that they have down the line, I think.

Eric: Also, it’s just hard to date when you’re tall, right? I mean…

Katie: Hell yeah. I’m 5’11”.

Eric: You’re 5’11”?

Katie: I’m 5’11”. My wife is 5’2″.

Andrew: Oh, wow!

Katie: We’re really cute together.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: I bet you’re really cute together.

[Katie laughs]

Eric: I was going to say, because it’s hard to date when you’re tall. So Hagrid and Madame Maxime? I mean, they had to give it a shot.

Micah: I guess what I was trying to get at, whether we’re talking about Beauxbatons or Durmstrang with Madame Maxime and Karkaroff, is just the first impressions that we’re receiving of these foreign dignitaries, right? They’re not overly flattering, and that goes back to the author, in my opinion.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah, that’s fair.

Micah: I mean, Karkaroff is like this greasy, oily salesman with dirty teeth.

[Katie laughs]

Eric: Well, hang on. The movie does him much worse.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Well…

Eric: The description in the book of Karkaroff is savage but fun.

[Andrew and Katie laugh]

Eric: He is described… Harry’s perspective is that he has a weak chin, and I think that is the best insult of a dignitary you could ever say, is a guy has a weak chin.

Andrew: He also is describing him as having a fruity, unctuous voice, and I look up that word, “unctuous.” It means excessively flattering or ingratiating…

Eric: False.

Andrew: … oily, or having a greasy or soapy feel.

Micah: So he’s a sleazebag.

Andrew: Greasy. It’s not necessarily a flattering portrayal in the books either, but I see what you’re saying, Eric. But yeah, we can talk about that more as we learn about these characters in the chapters ahead. The chapter does end with a big surprise for Ron. His fav Quizzitch – Quidditch player…

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: We all do it. We all do it.

Andrew: His fav Quizzitch player – put in your favorite here – is still a student and he’s part of Durmstrang’s envoy. I of course am referring to Krum. Oh, man, so much competition for Ron this chapter. Cedric, Krum… he’s got his work cut out for him. So we will move on to some odds and ends, but first, we’re going to take a quick break. We’ll be right back.

[Ad break]


Odds & Ends


Andrew: So with Sirius on his way to England, Harry made a last ditch effort to try and keep him out of the country and away from potentially being captured. Harry seemed really proud when he wrote his letter at the top of this chapter to Sirius, like, “Okay, that solves that!” And then later Sirius says, “Nice try. I’m still coming. In fact, I’m already here in hiding.” A, where’s he hiding? Anybody know? Do we find out later?

Eric: Well, we know he eventually moves to the cave in Hogsmeade.

Andrew: Could that be where he is now, though? That seems too close for an initial arrival.

Eric: Yeah, I don’t know. It’s an interesting question.

Katie: He’s at a Muggle motel.

Andrew: Ooh, okay. Maybe a Red Roof Inn. Okay.

Katie: Yeah, something like that.

Andrew: Sounds good.

Eric: He’s at a Motel Six. They left the light on for him.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: There’s something there. “We left the Lumos for you.” “We let you Lumos.” Something like that.

Eric: “We Lumos the light on for you.”

Andrew: [laughs] But it still seems really risky to me that he’s coming back into the country. Laura, who isn’t here this week, put in a great point as well: He’s still signing his letter “Sirius.” Come on, my guy.

Micah: [laughs] Yeah, he’s yelling at Harry for Hedwig, but…

Andrew: He’s yelling at Harry; he says, “Change owls when you want to talk more, because I don’t want people noticing that Hedwig is coming to a certain place again and again.” But it also seems in this crazy magical world, it wouldn’t be difficult to A, know when Harry was writing to Sirius specifically just to be able to detect that somehow, and B, track where an owl is going. [laughs] We’ve got the Marauder’s Map to follow human wizards.

Eric: I’m convinced the owls as a mystery is not going to be solved in our lifetimes. How they work, how it is that they find you…

[Katie laughs]

Eric: It’s not something that can be figured out. It works, but we don’t know how, because you would just… presumably, you could just chase an owl and find Sirius Black. And somebody in the government could have done this day one: Get any bird to send Sirius Black a letter and it would find him, but it mustn’t work, because nobody’s done it.

Katie: I guess people’s eyes aren’t necessarily on this yet, so no one really cares too much about Harry the way that they will in the next book, in that sense.

Eric: I mean, although, they were looking for Sirius Black all of last year is the thing, so…

Katie: Right. But then he flew away; he’s gone.

[Eric and Katie laugh]

Micah: And there’s no reason to think that Harry would be corresponding with him, so why track Hedwig at this point?

Andrew: Also, this is a chapter with some brief glimpses of other school lessons, and the Snape one alarmed me. Snape wanted them to research antidotes, and he had hinted that he might be poisoning one of them before Christmas to see if their antidote worked. Like, come on. Oh my gosh. [laughs]

Micah: So I just think he’s trying to one-up Moody. He hears that Moody is putting Unforgivable Curses on students; what’s some poison?

Andrew: [imitating Snape] “You think that’s bad; I’m going to poison the students.”

Micah: He wants to have some fun too.

Andrew: Final odd and end: Hermione again voices her concerns over the house-elves, and she’s been trying to get people to sign up for SPEW, but it’s not going well. Neville joins just so she’d stopped bothering him. But it makes me wonder, would there have been a better way to approach kids about this and convince them of the severity of the issue and her concerns? There must have been a better way. I was thinking maybe Hermione could hold some sort of presentation in the Gryffindor common room to start. Like, “Hey, guys, I have something serious to talk to you about.” I assume she just kind of… I mean, part of the issue, she probably approached it wrong.

Katie: She’s just rattling the tin in people’s faces while they’re trying to study.

Micah: Yeah, I think it’s an example of a situation where Hermione is being overbearing, and that really hinders her ability to deliver the message that she wants. She needs a good PR person. She needs people like Fred and George, really, to sell her product to get people interested. I just don’t think… she’s so passionate about it, she’s so overtaken by it, that it’s clouding her ability to get people to come on board. Like you were saying with Neville, she wouldn’t stop pestering him. That’s the only reason why he agreed.

Eric: I will say, there’s something that’s just so school about this, that totally goes back to anytime my classmates were selling something or trying to get people to sign up for interest in… I’m thinking of Student Council, and it’s like, “Oh, I need a petition to…” and they get kind of in your face about it. It’s like, “You don’t care about the issue, because I think you’re too young to really pitch your tent on any side of the fence.” But I think that the dynamic between students is really fun, and we don’t often get that talked about in the books, and here’s an example of it and it’s that Hermione is failing.

Andrew: Katie, you want to bring up your justice for Hermione point?

Katie: Yes, justice for Hermione. I do think… I’m not wrong here to think that there was a conversation about how Hermione could have missed house-elves, or like, “Come on, how could you be surprised? You read so much.”

Eric: Right.

Katie: Well, we find out why: They’re not mentioned in all the books, and holy cow.

Andrew: Not in Hogwarts: A History. She was coming up with some alternative titles for Hogwarts: A History, too, which was really funny.

Katie: Yes. What a good moment.

Eric: “What a conspiracy. What a conspiracy.” She still never asked the question herself. She still never asked, “How does the bed get made?”

Katie: Okay, she’s not making it.

Micah: Well, to that point, I mean, she’s missing a big piece of the puzzle here, right? She’s relying solely on what’s inside – or not inside – the books that she’s reading. And I think Fred and George… there’s a teaching moment for her here, and it’s the same thing we talked about with Ron in the last episode. No one’s ever been down to actually have a conversation with the house-elves to talk to them about what their life is like, and I think for both Ron and Hermione, it’s something that they really need to do. And I think for Hermione, until she does it, she’s not going to have a full picture of what’s going on here. It’s interesting that it’s Fred and George that deliver this to her.


MVP of the Week


Andrew: All right, it’s time for MVP of the Week.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: Once again, I’m Team Eric over here. I’m giving mine to Barty Crouch, Jr. for pulling off this lie about Dumbledore suggesting he Imperius the kids. He’s been such a cool, convincing Mad-Eye that he can convince the kids this is a real thing that happened. [laughs] My hat’s off to you, sir.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Man, we’re praising Barty so much, we might have to get a special sound effect.

Andrew: No!

Katie: [laughs] Oh no.

Andrew: I won’t go that far.

Eric: I’m going to give my MVP of the Week to Filch for figuring out – I assume it was him – how to make the suits of armor not squeak when they move. It was either him or some house-elves, but I like to think it was Filch.

Andrew: I’m going to say it was…

Eric: Filch just discovered WD-40.

Andrew: That’s what I was going to say, yeah.

Katie: Hardware store.

Eric: Wizard Dad 40.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Well, Laura gave it to the horses. “Respect for their livers.”

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Absolutely.

Andrew: Good point.

Micah: Maybe they have fully fortified livers where just… I don’t know.

Eric: They’re twice as thick as any other liver.

Micah: Maybe they just process single-malt whiskey like water, so it’s just…

Andrew: I hope so.

Micah: In one end, out the other. [laughs] I’m giving my MVPs to Fred and George, just talked about it, but dropping some knowledge on Hermione and actually giving her some advice that she could follow in future chapters.

Katie: And I’m giving mine to Madame Maxime for her entrance, for her black satin, her opals, and her energy.

Andrew: Hell yeah. Listeners, if you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or by using our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. Spotify users, don’t forget you can just tap into an episode and send us some feedback right within the episode page, and like I said earlier, we might feature it on the episode page. It’s a pretty cool feature Spotify’s got. And next week we’ll discuss Chapter 16 of Goblet of Fire, “The Goblet of Fire.”


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question: What are the first two words of Sirius’s second letter back to Harry this year? I am including the greeting of the letter, which some people got tripped up on. But remember how Harry wrote Sirius saying, “My scar’s hurting”? Sirius said, “I’m on my way.” Harry said, “Never mind.” Sirius’s reply is “Nice try, Harry.” So I was looking for “Nice try,” was the correct answer. Correct answers were submitted by Robbie; Sarah Clarkias; Elizabeth K.; Crystal; Molly; Nobby-Dobby; Wink Wink it’s Winky; Must Be a Weasley 1992; The Single-Malt Whiskey that Madame Maxime’s Horses Drink…

[Katie laughs]

Eric: … It’s a dragon, it’s a flying house, it’s an Abraxan-drawn carriage…

[Katie and Micah laugh]

Eric: … Kaladin storm blast; Hermione do be spewing facts sometimes; Professor Stumble More; Sup Figgy; Hallow Wolf; and If this name gets read out, then remember, kids, peer pressure works.

Katie: Oh.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: Wow.

Eric: All right, thank you to all who submitted, and here is next week’s Quizzitch question: Which Durmstrang student asks Igor Karkaroff to have some wine? Submit your correct answer to us over on the Quizzitch form, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or go to MuggleCast’s website and click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: Katie, thanks so much for joining us today. You were an amazing co-host, and we extra appreciate you for filling in, in a way, for Laura this week.

Katie: It was a blast. Thank you for having me.

Andrew: And listeners, if you want to co-host MuggleCast one day, you can become a Patreon at the Slug Club level and fill out the co-host form. We have this Patreon because tuition at Hogwarts might be free, but running the show is not, so we really appreciate your financial support. If you’re an Apple Podcasts user, you can subscribe to MuggleCast Gold, which gets you ad-free, early access to MuggleCast, plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month, and a new bonus MuggleCast coming out very soon. Just in time for Valentine’s Day, we’ll be spinning a character wheel and trying to explain why the two characters the wheel lands on should totally be dating. It’s going to be a lot of fun and I’m very nervous.

[Andrew and Katie laugh]

Andrew: And then of course…

Micah: Mostly because of what I’ll say, I’m sure, right?

Andrew: Definitely, yes.

Micah: You’re afraid of it.

Andrew: And just being put under pressure with two characters.

Micah: Oh.

Andrew: We don’t know what we’re going into right now. It’s terrifying. [laughs] Should be a Halloween special.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: But like I mentioned, we have Patreon.com/MuggleCast as well. You’ll get all the benefits of MuggleCast Gold, plus livestreams, planning docs, the chance to co-host the show one day, a new physical gift every year, the MuggleCast Collector’s Club, and more. And then lastly, we do have our Etsy store, which is at MuggleMillennial.etsy.com. You can buy one of our Sweet 16 wooden cars, our Cozy Comfy Combo Pack, signed album art – really signed by the four MuggleCasters – we’ve got T-shirts, and some other things over there too. MuggleMillennial.etsy.com; these are all gifts that we created for patrons we still have some extras of, so we’re selling them now while supplies last. Visit MuggleCast.com for transcripts, social media links, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes, and to contact us. That does it for this week’s episode. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Katie: And I’m Katie.

Andrew: Bye, everyone.

Eric, Katie, and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #644

 

MuggleCast 644 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #644, Constant, Never-Ceasing Vigilance (GOF Chapter 14, The Unforgivable Curses)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: This week, [shouts] CONSTANT VIGILANCE is needed…

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: … as we discuss Chapter 14 of Goblet of Fire, “The Unforgivable Curses.” But first of all, what is this, 2008? There’s two pretty significant news items to discuss in the world of Harry Potter. First of all, Universal Orlando shared a few new details about the third wizarding world land coming to their new park – which is opening in 2025 – Epic Universe. The name of the land, this new Harry Potter land, is the Wizarding World of Harry Potter: Ministry of Magic!

Micah: Motorbike Adventure. Oh, sorry.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: And in this land, guests will discover a different era of the wizarding world in an all new land that blends 1920s wizarding world Paris, from Warner Bros. Pictures’ Fantastic Beasts films, with the iconic British Ministry of Magic from the Harry Potter series. So this is basically what has been rumored, and now it’s official; they really are going to put two separate Ministries of Magic into one land somehow. Those are basically all the details they’ve announced. We did do a bonus MuggleCast on our Patreon back in May, in which we spoke about the major ride that we can expect in this new land. It’s rumored to star Umbridge in this British Ministry of Magic. What do you guys think of the name of that land? “Ministry of Magic”?

Eric: Well, they chose an indoor location for the first time, right? The first one was Wizarding World of Harry Potter Hogsmeade, then Diagon Alley, and now Ministry of Magic. So it sounds like there’ll be a lot of air conditioning.

Micah: From a marketing standpoint, I don’t know that this really does it. You’re using a government name in the title of the land?

Andrew: [laughs] That’s what I was thinking.

Micah: Who wants to go to the Ministry of Magic? You’re taking your kids to the Ministry of Magic?

Andrew: I have a more positive take on this, actually.

Micah: Okay.

Andrew: I think Harry Potter is the only franchise that can get away with theming a land around the government. [laughs] Because of course, everybody is going to want to go to this. But I agree with you; it’s a little surprising that they’re calling it Ministry of Magic. For the record – in case people don’t know – the first one is called Hogsmeade, the second one is called Diagon Alley, now this third one, Ministry of Magic. But yeah, only Harry Potter could get away with this.

Eric: Yeah, I agree. I wonder if that really limits the theming that they can do, and limits what else they can bring to the land. I know we saw aerial footage of a building, a pretty massive building being created, and I was expecting that to be the ride experience just like it is with Forbidden Journey hidden inside Hogwarts Castle. But I wasn’t expecting it to be… are there any outdoor areas? And if there are outdoor areas, then calling it Ministry of Magic seems limiting.

Laura: Something I wonder about in terms of the branding here: Is it actually called the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, Ministry of Magic? Is that the official name?

Andrew: Yeah. There’s a graphic.

Laura: I’m wondering if we’re going to start seeing more doubling down on the brand of continuing to remind us, “It’s Harry Potter, it’s Hogwarts,” because we’ve really seen how badly it’s hurt them to try and stray away from that.

Micah: Yeah. Well, that’s where my head was going. Was this initially named maybe something related to the Fantastic Beasts franchise, and given its lack of success, they had to rebrand it and rename it the Ministry of Magic?

Andrew: I think ultimately what happened – and I think it’s basically right in this description of the land – they were going to go all in on Fantastic Beasts for this third land, and then Fantastic Beasts sputtered out. But at that point, they were already far along with creating this land, so maybe they decided to redo just the main ride and that’s where the British side of this land is going to come in. I don’t know. This is just speculation, but it seems odd that they would do both France and Britain in the same land. The transition is going to be very interesting to see how they do that physically.

Eric: Yeah. Well, the other thing about it being named after a government building is it’s inside Universal’s Epic Worlds. Epic, Epic Worlds’ government building. Epic Worlds!

Andrew: Universe, but yeah. [laughs] Right, nothing’s more epic than a government building.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. Or Epic Universe; sorry. Thank you for the correction.

Micah: That said, though, I think we can all agree that it will be done extremely well.

Andrew: Yes.

Micah: We can nitpick at the name. The experience will be amazing.

Laura: Oh, 100%.

Andrew: For sure.

Eric: I would honestly love if it were like the Star Wars immersive experience where you go and you’re part of the galaxy. If you go and you’re just a desk file clerk at the Ministry of Magic, and so you get to eat in the officers’ mess – or not the officers, but the peasants’ mess – and go to work. I would love it if that were just your experience in that park.

Laura: Eric, haven’t you already gotten your casting call to be Eric?

Eric: To be the wand weigher?

Laura: Yeah.

Eric: Listen, I’m under a really big NDA, Laura.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: I can’t actually talk about how perfect that was, the day I got that phone call. But I might be moving to Florida.

Andrew: Epic Universe will also have Dark Universe, which is a Universal monster theme. There’s going to be Super Nintendo World, which will be excellent. There’s also going to be a land themed around How to Train Your Dragon, that series. The one final point I’ll make is the outdoor areas, the facade, it all seems to be set in France, so Eric, I don’t think you’ll be able to eat in a mess hall amongst government employees. I assume the food is going to be themed around Paris, let’s say. You’ll feel like you’re eating in Paris.

Eric: We’ll have some bouillabaisse? Is that what it was that Fleur was asking about?

Micah: Fish stew?

Eric: Yeah.

Micah: Well, they didn’t have much of a choice, right? I mean, there’s not anything that you can really do around the British Ministry of Magic, because all we’ve seen is the phone booth and the toilet entrance, so…

Andrew: They’d better have toilet entries.

Micah: Oh, maybe.

Andrew: Maybe that’s how you transition to the Britain ride. [laughs]

Eric: Get into the park? Oh, I would love if we flushed ourselves in, civil servants and all.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: The experience we had in Paris was was much better in the Fantastic Beasts films in terms of the exterior environment than we did in London.

Andrew: Universal is still keeping under wraps exactly what we can expect in this land. Maybe it’ll be announced later this year; we’ll see. And when they do make those announcements, we will of course discuss them here on MuggleCast. So that other news item I shared – this was a shock, honestly – Hogwarts Legacy, the big latest Harry Potter video game that we have been raving about for the last year, they are about to hit their one-year anniversary and they’re teasing new features coming this year. They shared a tweet the other day; it reads, “As we near the one-year anniversary of Hogwarts Legacy, we wanted to let our community know that the Hogwarts Legacy PlayStation exclusive content will be available on other platforms later this summer, along with additional updates and features for the game. Stay tuned in the coming months for more details on what’s coming to Hogwarts Legacy this year.” There have not been any significant updates to this game since it was released. I think we’ve speculated that they were probably very focused on getting it out on the various consoles, including on Nintendo Switch. It just came out on Switch in November. Now that that’s done, maybe it’s time to focus finally on adding features. I’m pumped.

Laura: Yeah. I will say, “features” is a very broad term.

Andrew: [laughs] Uh-oh.

Laura: So I’m just curious to know what the features are. Are we talking about enhancements to game play? Are we talking about bug fixes? Are we talking about maybe introducing a better loot system? For all the things that we’ve talked about wanting that are a little more complicated, like a karma system, for example, or for there to be just general… this is the same thing, but general consequences for your actions.

Micah: Who wants those?

Laura: That would be too big of an update, right?

Andrew: That’s too big, yeah.

Micah: Right.

Andrew: But I think this is going to be bigger than bug fixes. I’m thinking like, a camera mode, which is what we’ve been asking for since our initial review.

Eric: Oh, camera mode seems like it would be low hanging fruit, yeah. Or the ability to sit down.

Micah: Kevin Steck wanted that. Didn’t he ask for that when he did the review episode with us?

Eric: I think so, because you’ve got it in Skyrim.

Micah: [laughs] We learned a lot about Skyrim in that episode.

Laura: We did. I don’t think we said “Skyrim” enough on that episode.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Well, actually, Justin brings up a really good point in the Discord: being able to change the seasons. That’s not something that you can do once you’ve completed the game.

Laura: Yes.

Micah: And I think so many of us enjoyed wandering the Hogwarts crowds and Hogsmeade and all the villages in the different seasons.

Andrew: Yeah, that would be very cool.

Laura: Yeah, I want it to be Halloween all the time.

Andrew: So we’ll have to see what they have in store. I think it’s… of course, just like with the theme park news, we will discuss this more as we learn more information. But we also did a bonus MuggleCast last month in which we shared what we want to see Hogwarts Legacy add to the game, so check it out as we await official word on what they are going to add. Both of those can be found at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. All right, we’re going to take a quick break before we jump into Chapter by Chapter. And by the way, beginning with last week’s episode, you’ll now be hearing us take these quick ad breaks. In the short term, these ads will not be read by us, but in the months ahead, you’ll start sometimes hearing us as well. Just wanted to establish that as we get started with these new advertisers here on MuggleCast. So with that said, we’ll be right back.

[Ad break]


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: All right, it is time for Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Goblet of Fire Chapter 14, “The Unforgivable Curses.” And we’ll start with our Seven-Word Summary.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Eric: Neville…

Micah: … reacts…

Laura: … in…

Andrew: … a…

Laura: … panic…

[long pause]

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: That’s it.

Andrew: That’s it! You know what? And that’s good. Neville reacts in a panic.

Laura: [laughs] No, Neville reacts in a panic, ahhhh! That can be the last two words.

Micah: I thought of a couple different words, and it just didn’t feel right to me, you know?

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: It’s okay. I mean, that is a pretty good summary to come out of this chapter.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Laura: Of course, this chapter sets up quite a few things. Quite a lot happens in this chapter, and I think we could take it so many different ways, but where we’re going to start is with this discussion around Mad-Eye Fakey’s first day of school. So the chapter does pick up with the Gryffindor fourth years brimming with excitement for their first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson of the year. And I wanted to ask the panel first, before we really dig in, do we ever remember feeling this way, feeling so excited for a class because the professor’s reputation preceded them?

Eric: Certainly not a year-long standard kind of class, but there have been electives I’ve been excited to take, like if I didn’t get it the first time I applied for it and then I knew the teacher to do it. So there was a class in visual arts and theater that I just loved; I took it twice. It was great.

Micah: That’s awesome. Yes, I did have that both in high school and in college. In high school, I was lucky enough to have the same French teacher for four years. I think, Eric, we actually talked about this on your podcast.

Eric: [laughs] That’s right.

Micah: But what was so cool about him was that he let us be adults, and he probably taught us some words and some phrases in French that other teachers wouldn’t allow. And we created just a really great relationship with him beyond – most of the class did – our high school years. And then in college, there was a really great political science professor that I looked forward to taking his classes, so I would always look to see if he was teaching. I minored in political science. So yeah, I know that feeling where the reputation precedes the professor. Hopefully they live up to those expectations. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, I’ve experienced both ends of the spectrum of feeling really gratified by the professor really living up to the hype, and then feeling really disappointed because they didn’t. But the person I’m thinking of was actually my advisor. I was an English major in undergrad, and my advisor was one of those professors. He was just someone who all the students would talk about, universally liked, could still be a really challenging professor. His classes weren’t just easy A’s, but you always walked out of them feeling like you learned a lot and like you were really respected, so shout-out, Dr. Kocher. Yeah, it’s always a really good feeling, heading into a class like that and feeling that level of excitement. I don’t know that we get that for any other teacher in the series, do we?

Eric: Not that I can think of.

Micah: Not really.

Andrew: Certainly not in a positive way. I mean, I think there’s probably rumors about Trelawney, there’s rumors about Snape… but yeah, certainly nobody is like, “Oh, I’m excited to go” to anyone else besides Mad-Eye’s class.

Micah: I don’t think you have the same kind of collective excitement for a professor like you do for Moody. I think there are certain students that are excited to go to Trelawney’s class, right? Like Lavender and Parvati. You have Draco, who I’m sure is interested in going to Snape’s class, mostly because he picks on Harry. But there’s not… the collective excitement certainly is not there for any other teacher like it is for Moody.

Eric: Yeah. In our Discord, LegalizeGillyweed suggests maybe Lupin, and I do agree with that, depending on when in the week the various years got to have Lupin. I think definitely word would have spread last year about his fun lessons. And in general, maybe there is a little bit more excitement around the DADA professors, because everyone knows that every year, it’s a real ride.

Andrew: “Who are we getting this year?”

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: “What’s in the grab bag?”

Laura: I think the thing that’s so interesting about Moody – or Fakey – is that he’s provocative, right? So there’s something really exciting about being a kid and having this teacher who’s kind of breaking the rules and stepping outside of the norm and treating you like an adult in a way that you wouldn’t normally expect a teacher to treat you. And I think it’s a little bit ironic when you think about who he really is.

Micah: Sure.

Laura: And you layer that with these students being so excited to learn from him; they just don’t know who they’re learning from. And we get to see Fakey buck tradition early on in his teaching tenure. In direct contrast with what we’re going to see in Order of the Phoenix coming up, Moody tells the students to put their textbooks away and that they’re not going to need them for the lesson. And I can see as a student that feeling really cool, too, like, “Oh, my professor told me to put away this textbook.” And now, this is in American college terms, but, “Oh, they told me I’m not going to need this $200 textbook I had to buy for this class.”

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Time to return it.

Eric: I was going to say, I paid a lot of money for this book; I hope we use it!

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Another equivalent is when you see the teacher wheeling in the television and VCR for that day’s class, so it’s like, “Oh yeah, I get to watch a video, but I’ll probably just zone out.”

Micah: We’re really dating ourselves if we’re talking about a TV and VCR.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: I was going to say, some of our listeners don’t know what a VCR is.

Laura: Right. When you saw the Bill Nye the Science Guy tape go in…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Oh, it was beautiful.

Laura: … and you were like, “Man, this is the best day ever.”

Andrew: Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill!

[Laura laughs]

Eric: [sings] “Bill Nye the Science Guy.”

Micah: I’m really glad that you brought this up, though, Laura, because when I was rereading this chapter… I never made the connection, initially, between the teaching styles of Moody and the teaching styles of Umbridge, but this is such a contrast to Order of the Phoenix because Moody wants nothing to do with textbooks and he believes in preparing these kids for what’s out there. Umbridge is all about these Ministry-approved texts, and is in serious denial about anything wanting to potentially harm Harry and his friends, right? So it’s cool to look at the two contrasting styles of teaching.

Eric: Yeah. I mean, we’ll have plenty in this chapter to talk about as far as his methods and his motives as well as we go on. But Barty Crouch, Jr. in taking this role this year didn’t quite have to go so hard. You get the impression he likes teaching or that he’s taken to it in such a cool way. He could have been the kind of teacher that just says, “Chapter 1, we’re going to read. We’re going to take turns assigned reading, etc, etc.” It seems like, to your point, Micah, he does want to prepare these kids for some form of practical attack, and that’s…

Micah: Well, who better to teach them Defense Against the Dark Arts?

Eric: What’s that?

Micah: Who better to teach them Defense Against the Dark Arts than a Death Eater?

Andrew: That’s what Dumbledore thought too. “Who better than Fakey?”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Dumbledore knew from day one. He’s like, “I’ll let this guy keep teaching, as long as they don’t make me teach,” because Dumbledore could do it. He used to teach that.

Andrew: Yeah. And we’re going to talk about if Dumbledore made this decision or not in a little bit, too, because there’s a big question mark on that as well, whether or not this lesson was sanctioned by Dumbledore himself. It sounds like it was, but why would Dumbledore sanction it? So we’ll talk about that in a little bit.

Laura: Well, early in the lesson, something else peculiar happens. Moody references having just one year to get them up to speed on curses, which immediately causes Ron to sort of blurt out, “You’re only staying one year?”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: And I mean, these kids are primed to notice that kind of thing, right? They haven’t had the same DADA teacher so far for more than a year. And Moody says that he’s only staying for a year as a special favor to Dumbledore, and that after that he’s planning on returning to his quiet retirement. And I wanted to pose a question here about the Defense Against the Dark Arts curse: Do we think that the real Moody knows or suspects the curse that is on the post? And if so, do we think Barty Crouch, Jr. might have found out about it via taking over Moody’s whole persona?

Andrew: Barty Crouch, Jr. I’m a little less certain on, but I would think that Dumbledore is morally obligated to inform the real Mad-Eye that this role is cursed; he’s only going to be there for one year for some reason. He can’t say why. “It could be death. It could be a broken ankle. It could be a variety of issues that pop up, but something is going to happen and you will only be in this role for one year.” You have to tell him that.

Laura: I mean, you should tell them that, but do you think he tells every candidate that there’s a curse on this position?

Eric: I doubt it.

Laura: “You’re only going to last a year and you might die”?

Eric: No, it would make them really nervous about it even more than they already are. It would make Dumbledore’s job harder.

Andrew: I think it… so we all know Dumbledore likes to withhold information until the time is right, but I think it’s very important for him to tell a fellow adult who’s going to be teaching at his school about this. Dumbledore is a good man. I refuse to believe otherwise.

Eric: Oh my God.

Laura: Yeah, because he’s so forthcoming. That is definitely a characteristic I would assign to him.

Andrew: [laughs] When the time is right.

Eric: But maybe if Dumbledore and Moody are friends, are colleagues or have a… if Moody was in the Order of the Phoenix the first time, I feel like Dumbledore would tell him. But regardless, this whole plan that he has, this excuse of “I came out of retirement for this, I’m only giving it one year as a personal favor to Dumbledore…” That works so well. It works on multiple levels, because on the one hand, it’s Moody giving a reason why he’s there, but it’s also Barty Crouch, Jr. realizing that he only needs to be undercover for a year. He only needs one year to complete his mission from Voldemort, to deliver Harry Potter into Voldemort’s hands. And so Barty Crouch, Jr. is like, “You can only expect me to be here a year.” That’s all the time he needs, and so I think it just works on multiple levels.

Laura: Yeah, no, and it’s so interesting, too, because ultimately Barty Crouch, Jr. is impacted by the curse on the role, right? He goes back to Azkaban at the end of the year. You can argue that that is his demise, if you will, and if for some reason he knows about that, or suspects that might happen, he’s unhinged enough that I could see him thinking it’s all for a greater good, right? To help the Dark Lord rise again.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah, that’s a really good point.

Laura: Well, when Moody is talking about only having one year to get these kids up to speed, he specifically brings up getting them up to speed on curses. And we know during today’s lesson they’re going to be focusing on the Unforgivable Curses, which feels premature, and that’s because it is.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Apparently, Dark curses aren’t supposed to be taught until the sixth year, but Moody alleges that Dumbledore is in agreement on this lesson plan and believes that these students have nerves of steel and that they can take it at the fourth year. And I thought this felt very targeted to Harry being in the room, and it makes me wonder if Fakey does this with all the other years and Houses’ lessons. Is he doing Dark curses across the board for this first lesson?

Micah: Well, not only is it targeted, it’s a lot for the first lesson of your whatever year you might be. To be learning the Unforgivable Curses? That seems like a heavy load.

Andrew: Do you think that Dumbledore may have given him an A-OK? Assuming he’s being truthful, Dumbledore gave him the A-OK, just for Harry’s class? Because I guess that would make sense to me, like, “Harry needs to be prepared for this, so I give you permission to teach them about the curses and show them what happens.”

Laura: I don’t see Dumbledore saying only for Harry’s class.

Eric: Right.

Laura: I feel like if it was just for Harry’s class, that would be targeted because of Barty Crouch, Jr. specifically targeting the class that Harry is in. I’m not even totally convinced that Fakey has permission to be doing this lesson, certainly not leading it in the way that he does, right? It’s one thing to talk about the theoretical application of these curses as a primer, especially for students who have literally never seen them happen before. It’s quite another to demonstrate them in gory detail, and it’s hard for me to believe that Dumbledore would have been okay with that.

Eric: Just looking ahead at all the other risks he puts students’ lives in this year makes me think it’s probably fine.

Micah: [laughs] Look who’s talking the Dumbledore smack now.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: It’s not me. I’m taking the episode off.

Eric: No, I think we all have a healthy understanding that the Triwizard Tournament is very dangerous for people.

Micah: The other thing that came to mind here, too, was – and honestly, it’s been so long since I’ve reread Goblet of Fire – knowing that we’re getting the Triwizard Tournament, we don’t get as much class time. Was it important to front load this lesson so that Harry and company learn the Unforgivable Curses? Knowing what role they play throughout the rest of this book.

Andrew: Interesting.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Eric: I think, too, as a very important note here, multiple hosts have said we’re learning the curses. We’re learning about the curses, but the only one I think we’re going to really get face time with is the Imperius Curse. I don’t think there’s any point where any of them will be casting the Unforgivable Curses, and the only one they’re getting close to is the Imperius, but we did get this introduction. I just think it’s an important distinction that it’s not like they’re going to be casting it on the fellow students the way that happens in Hogwarts Legacy.

Laura: No, no, I mean, at least the guise that Fakey is leading with is that he wants to expose them to how brutal these are so that they know what they’re up against, right? It’s not so much about teaching them how to do it; it’s teaching them how dangerous they are.

Eric: Yeah. But then what really is the point in teaching them about the death curse if there’s no known counter-curse and no way to shield from it? Apart from whatever Harry did.

Micah: Duck.

Eric: What is the goal? Is it to get a healthy respect of just how dangerous the world is? Because that’s a sobering moment that I can see being useful from an educational standpoint. But to me, I also have to ask the question – as somebody who really enjoys Barty Crouch, Jr. as a character – is he playing with his food in this moment? Is he teaching Harry throughout the year how to defend against things like the Imperius Curse, just with the knowledge that eventually he may need to fight Voldemort under it, and he’ll present a more interesting chase to the Dark Lord? Is there some element of playing with his food in arming Harry against these curses?

Andrew: Yeah, I mean, to also answer this question about why he may want to now, just looking at his own words in this book, “You’re behind – very behind – on dealing with curses… I’m here to bring you up to scratch on what wizards can do to each other,” I have to say in Moody’s defense, this is year four of Defense Against the Dark Arts and they still don’t have a sense of the worst curses you can toss at another wizard. That does seem a little surprising, actually, if I’ve gone through school for four years and I’m just learning about these now. That seems kind of late.

Eric: Not only that; it’s going to be another year at least before we learn about the Bat-Bogey Hex, and that sounds like the worst of them all.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: The one thing that came to mind for me, too, was just if you’re teaching the worst case scenario, if you’re teaching the hardest curses first, then everything should be easy after that, and so I think that’s where my mind went a little bit with Mad-Eye in this situation. He’s laying out some of the most difficult curses that there are to cast, right? He talks about how you really have to mean it and that “if any of you fired the Avada Kedavra curse at me right now, I wouldn’t get as much as a bloody nose.” He’s laying the groundwork here so that anything that follows should be pretty easy.

Andrew: I’ll say one more thing to defend my boy Dumbledore in support of this idea that he actually approves of Mad-Eye teaching them the curses. Later in this chapter, Harry gets this letter back from Sirius finally, and Sirius is rushing back in light of Harry’s letter towards the beginning of this book. Sirius said that Dumbledore might be reading the signs and Harry wonders what signs he’s referring to; we’ll actually try to answer this question later in the discussion. If Dumbledore is reading the signs, he might also want to get these kids “up to speed,” in Mad-Eye’s words, when it comes to these curses. So I don’t know. I don’t have any reason not to believe Mad-Eye when he says Dumbledore agreed with this. Couldn’t one of the students go to Dumbledore or go to their Head of House, who would then report this to Dumbledore? It seems like a pretty big claim to make.

Micah: But who’s going to report it, though? I feel like these kids all think it’s so cool.

Andrew: Not necessarily reporting it in a “Oh my God, I can’t believe he just did this” type of way. I mean, Neville doesn’t find it cool. Neville could… maybe Mad-Eye was afraid Neville was going to report it and that’s why he tried to comfort him after.

Laura: Actually, I think that’s a really good thought.

Micah: I will say, I do think that Mad-Eye would have been better served to break these curses out into different lessons, as opposed to throwing them all together. It feels like a lot for this group of students to have to digest. But one question I did have for this group was, do we think that if this was the real Mad-Eye Moody, he would have been able to cast these curses so seamlessly? It actually makes sense that Barty Crouch, Jr. can so easily perform the Unforgivable Curses, because he’s a Death Eater.

Andrew: Yeah, I think that’s a pretty good point.

Micah: Could you see Mad-Eye actually standing up there and using Avada Kedavra on that spider?

Laura: I don’t think of it so much as a question of “Could he?”; it’s “Would he?” And I think Barty Crouch, Jr. is genuinely unhinged and that’s a big part of the reason that we get this massive trauma dump on these students on their first day of his class. Moody might have used the Unforgivable Curses as a starting point for his course to set the tone for what they were going to cover, but would he have demonstrated them on day one? I don’t know. And I have to think, by the way – I was having this thought earlier – Harry is able to learn Expecto Patronum and practice on it with a boggart, right? So he doesn’t have to interact with a real Dementor. And I’m just wondering, is there some way that the Unforgivable Curses can be demonstrated on something that is not actually sentient? Because what we see with these spiders in this lesson is just straight up cruelty. I mean, these are living beings, and they are being tortured.

Eric: Yeah, but that’s why the curses are unforgivable. You wouldn’t be able to practice the Imperius Curse on something that wasn’t really alive, because you’re not taking its agency away. It needs to have sentience for you to be able to control it, to be casting the Imperius Curse. And same with the Cruciatus; it needs to feel pain, and so the cruelty is the reason these are unforgivable. You couldn’t cast Crucio on something that can’t feel it.

Laura: Yeah, that’s true.

Eric: There’s no way to practice it without making something suffer, which is why they’re so heinous. And yeah, wild first lesson.

Andrew: Would he have been able to cast these, the real Moody, Micah? I think so. I mean, we’re talking about a fantastic Auror. We’re talking about a member of the Order of the Phoenix.

Eric: It might be that as an Auror, you’re given permission to cast one or more of these Unforgivables in the line of duty, and specifically and only then. I can see there being a real issue where if one side is going to be casting the death curse, Killing Curse at you, and you can’t retort back because you have to arrest them, that’s what should be done. But in practicality, what does that actually look like? So I can see Aurors being given the same leeway that we give police officers, where there’s certain instances where shooting to kill is “legal.”

Micah: Right, but let’s also keep in mind that killing rips the soul, right? And even though it’s a spider, it’s still a living creature. And so I think, Laura, the way you framed it was the right way, right? Not necessarily “Could he do it?”, but “Would he do it?” I think he certainly could. Would he is definitely up for debate.

Andrew: Fair enough. Laura, I’m sad because you said trauma dump a few minutes ago, and now I’m just thinking about poor Elmo being trauma dumped on last week.

Laura: [laughs] Oh, I know.

Andrew: I’m still feeling for that little three-year-old. All right, well, we will discuss the three curses individually in a moment, but first, we’re going to take a quick break. We’ll be right back.

[Ad break]

Laura: All right, well, we’re going to get a little bit deeper into each of the Unforgivable Curses here. So first Fakey uses the Imperius Curse on one of the spiders, and initially it inspires laughter because he has the spider doing cartwheels and somersaults and all kinds of gymnastics on the desk and everyone thinks it’s really funny. This is actually a scene that I thought was so well-adapted in the movie. Do y’all remember when we did our Goblet of Fire commentary and we were marveling about how well done that was? Because it really struck that sobering note that I think we get here in the book.

Eric: I do agree. There is one element of it I don’t like, though, which is specifically with Imperius when the spider is somersaulting. I think the movie makes it seem like Moody is also casting some kind of levitation charm, or he raises it up in front of the class before even casting the spell. That’s not the case. What’s actually happening… Imperius is he’s making the spider choose to do the somersault, and that’s a lot more sinister than just using your wand to lift it in the air. The spider is willing itself to propel itself, and that’s just a lot. I know it might sound like splitting hairs, but for me, the way it’s written is more terrifying, and I have a lot less love now for, I think, the movie scene, because it seems like it’s a lot more magical and whimsical when it is such dark subject matter.

Laura: Well, until it turns dark. And it’s a very stark moment when he says, “Do you want me to have him throw himself out the window? Should we have him drown himself?” I mean, I think that they capture at least that element of it, and Brendan Gleeson is just fantastic in the role.

Eric: He’s so good. He’s so, so, so good.

Laura: So we’ve talked about this a little bit, but I just wanted to close the loop on it. What are the limits of propriety for applied teaching of the Unforgivable Curses? I think we’re all in agreement that this type of practical demonstration isn’t the best way – at least for this age of students – to teach about the curses, but if not this, what other way could there be? I know I’ve seen a suggestion in the Discord, actually. Lisa says, “I think there could be a way to teach it with agency, like I could volunteer to assist the class and allow myself to be Imperiused or Crucioed but at a lower level, kind of like how you practice with a taser in the academy, in the police academy, so that you know what you’re subjecting someone to.”

Andrew: Interesting.

Eric: I don’t think there’s a way to do a light Crucio. One of the reasons that Moody says a single casting of this on another person will give you a lifelong sentence in Azkaban prison… it goes so hard because it is so hard. Crucio isn’t just painful; it makes every nerve center, every nerve react in fire, basically. And so I don’t think there’s a light way to do it. Hogwarts Legacy gets away with a light way of doing some of these things, but it’s really… you should stay away from it. So I even have an issue with, one, the fact that he calls the Killing Curse throughout this chapter “Avada Kedavra.” He’s basically giving them the incantation for it, and he lets them hear the incantation of the other two. Now, I know Moody says, “You can cast it at me and all I’ll get is a nosebleed at best, if the entire class tries to cast it at me,” but that’s kind of not the point, right? Giving them the incantation is, I think, a step too far, even.

Andrew: When it comes to AK, I think Hermione says it first. Because he was asking what’s the third and she says it, and it actually makes me uncomfortable hearing Hermione say it. I’m like, [gasps] “She’s going to accidentally do it.”

Micah: But isn’t that…?

Eric: Yeah, why does anybody know the name? Why is the actual incantation even shared with anybody? It should be restricted knowledge.

Laura: I don’t know. To that I would argue you might be insulating people too much from the ugly realities of the world, because there are people who absolutely will use it.

Micah: Right.

Eric: You can just call it the Killing Curse, though. I’m just saying, why arm new people? You did the curse that causes pain, the curse that causes you to lose your agency, and the Killing Curse. It’s called the Killing Curse, like, twice, but most of the time, they’re just talking about Avada Kedavra, and that’s the worst one, arguably.

Micah: Isn’t that the point of magic, that there has to be intention behind it? You could just walk around saying “Avada Kedavra.” It’s not going to do anything. You have to really have deep-seated malice and evil inside of you to cast that curse and inflict death upon somebody else.

Eric: I’m just… Laura asked where the line is, and I think it’s way back last Tuesday, for as far as what Moody is teaching.

Laura: Yeah, and I think we all might draw that line in different places. But at the end of the day, I think we can all agree what we see in this chapter is a bridge too far. So moving on, Neville is actually the one who’s able to correctly identify the second Unforgivable Curse, the Cruciatus Curse, which he knows about because it’s the curse that his parents were tortured to insanity with by Bellatrix, Rodolphus, Rabastan Lestrange, and – drumroll, please – Barty Crouch, Jr. himself. The guy teaching the damn class.

Eric: You don’t say.

Laura: Ouch.

Andrew: “Who, me? Blame Dumbledore. I didn’t want to teach this.”

Laura: But it’s a major red flag right here. He knows that he has two students in the class whose parents were victims of Unforgivable Curses, and one whose parents were his own victims.

Andrew: And a major flag of what here?

Laura: It’s a red flag.

Andrew: A red flag of what?

Laura: I mean, a red flag of… I mean, I guess you could say a lot of things. Of how unhinged he is, how psychotic he is…

Andrew: That it’s an imposter?

Laura: I mean, I don’t know if it’s a red flag that he’s an imposter, but just a red flag for him as a person, because he knows who he’s talking to.

Eric: I do think that he can’t resist, right? Performing the Cruciatus Curse in front of Neville Longbottom probably gave him a sick rise of some sort. And there’s so much work that’s being done to show how much Moody cares about Neville or feels bad about his mental state, the way he comes after class and presumably comforts him and gives him the book. But all of it has multiple purposes because it allows Moody to get closer to Harry, and so it’s impossible to know if any bit of Barty Crouch, Jr. feels remorse for his involvement. And we’re going to get, throughout this whole book, more pieces to the puzzle there. I always pictured Barty Crouch, Jr. as being a teen who was carried away by the fury of it all and may himself might not have participated as much as somebody like Bellatrix, who even Dumbledore says likes to play with her food. He might not have participated that much, but once he was arrested or convicted for it, named by Karkaroff, and all this other stuff, Barty is the kind of guy who probably doubled down and was like, “No, I do support the Dark Lord; I would have done it again if you gave me the chance.” That kind of thing would mean maybe he didn’t sickeningly go after Neville’s parents, but if he did, it’s even worse.

Andrew: Yeah, the gift of the Herbology book got me thinking, what was going on here? Like you’re saying, Eric, did he feel remorse? Maybe after seeing how Neville was reacting, but that seems extremely out of character. So I’m just wondering if… and Harry even notes that this was a Lupin quality move to cheer up Neville. A Lupin quality move! So I’m wondering, was this an intentional misdirect by either the author for the reader, or is it a misdirect from the character themselves?

Micah: Sure.

Andrew: Because if you’re suspecting this isn’t who we think it is, then you definitely won’t suspect it after seeing him give this book to Neville.

Eric: Right.

Micah: It’s the second consecutive big move by Crouch to endear himself to Harry, right? So you had the last chapter where he comes and he turns Draco into a ferret, and now you have this chapter where he’s being extremely kind to Neville in a very bad moment for him.

Andrew: It’s almost like that magical eye of his is telling him what to do to keep Harry convinced that he’s not a fakey.

Eric: Well, maybe he’s also dosing himself with Felix Felicis. “I feel like I should be on the west stair right now,” and he goes up. But I think his eye did see Neville leave and go and stare at a wall, and I think his eye did see down the hall Harry go to comfort him. And then he grabbed the book and quickly as he could ran to go help Neville, because the thing is, that book is what teaches Neville about Gillyweed, which is what makes Neville think about telling Harry about Gillyweed, which is his advantage in the second task, and so this whole time Moody is trying to get somebody in Harry’s dorm to know that that is an option, presuming he will confide in Neville or ask Neville what to do, and Neville will be able to help.

Micah: Right.

Laura: Yeah, and I think bare minimum, it’s like y’all are saying; it’s really all just to get close to Harry because he’s going to be guiding Harry throughout the year whether Harry knows it or not. So he’s trying to build trust with very strategic students, specific members of the student body, so that he can get closer to Harry.

Micah: Now, don’t call me crazy: In an alternative universe, it is possible that Barty Crouch, Jr. feels some level of guilt or remorse for what he did to Neville’s parents and he’s trying to make it up to their son.

Andrew: I’d call that a headcanon.

Laura: I think people are complicated, even psychopaths. I think you see this with real-life examples of these kinds of sadistic, violent criminals; there will be these odd moments where they do have these moments of clarity, you could call it these moments of remorse for what they’ve done. But it’s never anything significant enough to make them actually regret what they did. So I think it’s possible that Barty Crouch could feel bad for Neville in this moment because of what he’s been through as a result of losing his parents in this way, but it doesn’t mean that he wishes he could take it all back, right?

Micah: True.

Laura: I don’t think he would do anything different.

Micah: I do think it’s much more likely that, as I was saying earlier with the Draco transformation, this is a currency-building moment with Harry, when he treats Neville this way.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Micah: So one other thing that just popped into my mind as we’re talking about Neville – and I know we’re going to talk about Harry in a second – is this is another Neville/Harry moment where they’re the only two in the room that we know of that have been impacted by the Unforgivable Curses, and either of them could have been the Chosen One. So this is another one of those examples that we can point to where they’ve had similar experiences growing up.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: And they’re the only two that are shown to lose sleep after this lesson, too, tonight.

Laura: And his big finale here in the class is to perform the Killing Curse. I won’t say the word.

Andrew: Thank you. Unless you do it in the Voldemort voice. [imitate’s Voldemort’s “Avada Kedavra“]

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Andrew, you’re so good.

Andrew: It’s just too much fun.

Laura: I know.

Andrew: Which is sick, but…

Laura: Listen, every time I played Hogwarts Legacy and I AK’ed somebody, I 100% yelled that out. [laughs]

Andrew: Oh, I should have done that. Next time I play.

Laura: Oh, I can’t believe you didn’t.

Andrew: With the new features, I’ll start doing that. Yeah, no, I didn’t.

Laura: There you go. There you go. But he performs the Killing Curse on the final spider, and it fills Harry with this thrill of foreboding, like he knows what he’s about to see, because in a way, he recalls some level of that experience of his mother being killed right in front of him. And of course, Fakey has to observe in front of the whole class that the only known person to have ever survived the Killing Curse is sitting right in front of him. And I just thought it was really interesting that this particular sequence of events was used to remind us of the order in which the Potters died. It was very specific about first his father died, then his mother died trying to protect him, then he survived. And that, I would argue, is actually a foreshadowing alert for something we’re going to see much later in the book with Priori Incantatem.

[Foreshadowing sound effect plays]

Andrew: [says in tandem with sound effect] Coming up, coming up.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: The editors could have taken another look at this chapter if they needed to know the backwards…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Yeah, yeah, I know.

Eric: There was that famous typo originally. Yeah, first editions.

Laura: The editors didn’t know that they needed to be connecting the threads within books as well.

Eric: Yeah, that’s going to be extra.

Andrew: That’s what we’re here for.

Laura: They just weren’t there. And then finally here, last point on this… I know we’ve already observed it, but I just had to call out the line very specifically saying the use of any one Unforgivable Curse on a fellow human being is enough to earn a life sentence in Azkaban, to which the developers at Avalanche said, “Not in Hogwarts Legacy, it’s not.”

Micah: [laughs] Not yet.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: If they followed through with this, the developers in Hogwarts Legacy could have actually made an Azkaban level for everybody because after you cast it, you’re sent there.

Laura: Yes!

Micah: I’ve envisioning kind of a Grand Theft Auto type of scenario playing out where you start to do really bad things and then Aurors or Dark wizard catchers show up and take you off to Azkaban.

Andrew: That’d be great, yeah.

Laura: Yes. That is what should happen.

Andrew: Or you can run from them.

Micah: Yeah, or you could use some Unforgivable Curses on them and run away. [laughs]

Laura: That is literally what my headcanon was for what the game was going to be. It was like, “I’m going to be a baddie, I’m going to be killing people, and the Aurors are just going to descend on my 15-year-old self being like, ‘Why is this teenager killing people on the grounds of Hogwarts?'” [laughs] Never happened.

Eric: That may be a little bit too much for them to patch into the game, unfortunately.

Laura: Oh, 100%. They’re not going to patch that.

Micah: One thing I just wanted to call out is that it was worth noting that Harry himself will use two of these three Unforgivable Curses by the end of the series.

Laura: Doesn’t use Avada Kedavra, though. Coward.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Well, he only has eyes for Expelliarmus. We know this.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: But does it count? Well, I guess it does count, Micah, that he… are we talking about when he casts Crucio at Bellatrix, and it doesn’t work but he still did cast it, or are you thinking of another?

Micah: Well, he doesn’t just use it on Bellatrix. He uses it on the Carrows, or one of the Carrows, in Deathly Hallows when they spit at McGonagall.

Eric: Oh, that’s right. There you go.

Laura: Well, after the lesson, everyone seems to be in awe of Moody, except for Harry, Neville, and Hermione. I will definitely give Hermione some kudos here because her emotional intelligence is just on point. She completely understands why Harry is in somewhat of a state of shock. And she doesn’t really know Neville’s history, but she can tell there’s something similar going through his head with having seen what he just saw. And they do find Neville staring wide-eyed at that wall, and as we mentioned, Moody does eventually come along and invite him for tea. I thought this actually read a little bit sinister because the trio are standing there, Neville kind of looks horrified when Moody suggests they go off for tea and he kind of puts an arm around him and just takes him, and Neville is looking desperately at the trio like, “Save me.”

Andrew: “Save me!” [laughs]

Laura: And they don’t do anything! [laughs]

Eric: Yeah. “Sorry, Neville, you’re on your own.”

Andrew: But I mean, he’s a professor. They can’t intervene. Their hands are tied here. That was my takeaway.

Laura: Oh, for sure. But they could have been like, “Can we come, too, Professor? You traumatized Harry too.” [laughs]

Andrew: I guess, sure, they could have tried, but I think Fakey would have said no. So maybe they assumed that they were just going to get a “no” no matter what happened, no matter what they said.

Laura: Probably. And of course, we know that all lays the groundwork for Neville getting the Herbology book, and so Moody is able to kill two birds with one stone here. I think he’s able to keep Neville from saying anything about what happened in the class by making Neville feel special, because professors never really recognize him for any level of academic prowess, so I think Neville is vulnerable to being flattered in that way here because he just never hears it. Well, after the fact, Harry and Ron go back up to the common room. Hermione goes to the library; we’ll get to that in a minute. But they are completing their Divination homework, and they have to make predictions for themselves in the coming week. And they’re having a really hard time interpreting all of these astrological patterns, and how the confluence between those and the runes will dictate the series of events that are going to come to pass for them the next week. And I thought that we could look at some of these predictions and just keep an eye out for them. I think a couple of them may end up being true, which is always a funny moment coming out of these BS predictions that we get, especially from Ron; when he’s joking, we know that he’s often right. So Ron says he’s likely to develop a cough. Next Monday, Harry says that he’s in danger of burns, which Ron points out is probably true because they’ve got Care of Magical Creatures on Monday, so they’re going to be hanging out with the Blast-Ended Skrewts again.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: On Tuesday, Ron thinks he’s going to lose a treasured possession, so that’s interesting and I think you could argue that when it comes to the second task, Ron does temporarily lose a treasured possession. I hate the idea of Hermione as a possession of Ron’s, but he does treasure her. So I don’t know if that’s a loose interpretation of what this could be predicting.

Andrew: Can I make up the phrase backshadowing? When I think a treasured possession, I’m thinking of Scabbers.

Laura: Ah, yeah.

Andrew: So maybe it’s just still in his head about losing a treasured possession…

Eric: Aw, I love that.

Andrew: … and it’s coming out in this random prediction he’s making.

Eric: That’s really sweet.

Laura: And then this next one I think is funny. “Why don’t you get stabbed in the back by someone you thought was a friend?”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Because that’s definitely about to happen, at least from Harry’s perspective. Ron is not going to take Harry being a Triwizard champion very well, and they’re going to have a really big falling out. Ron says he’ll lose a fight on Wednesday. Harry says he’ll lose a bet. So I thought these were just things that we could keep an eye on, and I didn’t know if anyone had read ahead and noted any correlations between these predictions and things that come in the next couple of chapters?

Eric: A few of them seem true. And it’s just funny that they have to compare notes and it’s like, “No, you’ve got drowning.” “Okay, I’ve got to change mine so that we don’t both say this.” It’s crazy.

Laura: [laughs] Yeah.

Eric: Have you ever bullshitted homework before? [laughs]

Laura: Yes! Oh my God, yes.

Micah: Oh yeah. But no, Forrest. No.

Andrew: [laughs] The 12-year-old.

Laura: Yeah, don’t… Forrest, we are not endorsing that. You should not do that.

Micah: The funny thing about all this is that despite Hermione’s view on Divination, even she is not cool with the idea of Ron and Harry making this all up. Which, I mean, I found that kind of comical, but that’s who she is, right? That’s part of her character.

Andrew: Right, exactly. Her general stance on the world of education is you don’t make stuff up for homework, no matter the subject.

Eric: Well, I like that she still checks Ron’s work anyway, and tells him he’s got himself down for drowning twice, so she tells him to change it.

Andrew: So I thought it would be fun if we all take turns making a prediction about one of the other four panelists’ upcoming weeks right now…

Eric: Wow. Wow.

Andrew: … just like what Harry and Ron were doing. And yes, of course, I grabbed some music for this, and we can use this when we make other predictions on the show in the future. Okay, I even have my Trelawney glasses here to let me get in the full zone.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Oh my God.

Andrew: Okay, here we go. Oh, yeah.

[Ethereal music plays]

Andrew: Thank you, patrons. Thanks to you, we can buy music. All right, something’s coming to me. Laura, I’m feeling an energy in your direction.

Laura: Uh-huh?

Andrew: You will encounter a great fortune in the next week.

Laura: Ooh.

Andrew: The likes of which you have never seen. But, but, but, it will be just out of your grasp, due to an unspeakable wall of resistance.

Laura: Is the unspeakable wall of resistance the IRS?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Always.

Andrew: Yes, always.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Andrew, I’m starting to feel something in that box of yours over there, that little quadrant.

Andrew: Yes?

Micah: Andrew will get offended when someone doesn’t want to chit chat, but don’t worry, Andrew, it’s not an affront to you. They’re processing something that you wouldn’t want to talk about anyway.

Andrew: That is so specific. Do you have something to say to me?

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Micah: It’s actually Laura, but we’re not going to get into it right now.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: Oh, snap.

Andrew: Wow.

Eric: Revealing more than he’s saying.

Laura: Man.

Eric: All right, I’ve got to try these Divination glasses.

Laura: Well, this is definitely really awkward because Andrew tried to fire me on Millennial the other night and I was going to have a conversation about it with him behind the scenes, but…

Eric: Every time I put on my real glasses and not my Divination ones, I’m remarkable how much I can see.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: But here we go. My prediction… let’s say I’m feeling something for Micah. Yes, yes, yes. Micah Tannenbaum will learn about a new – to him – restaurant in Indianapolis, Indiana that is simply too good to pass up.

Andrew: Whoa.

Micah: That’s so specific.

Laura: Have you ever been to Indianapolis, Micah?

Micah: I have been to Indianapolis once before.

Eric: I sense that you will return to Indianapolis.

Micah: Oh.

Eric: That’s in the calendar. That’s in the show calendar.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: But I sense you will be returning!

Micah: I will.

Laura: Eric, I’m getting a sense of something shiny coming into your future. I think you’re going to be getting a lead on something new, something exciting, and also unexpected. It’s not something that you’re going to see coming, but it is going to come in the next few weeks and it’s going to transform your day to day.

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: Bro, you’d better play the lottery, because I think that’s what’s supposed to be happening.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: All right. I’mma try.

Laura: Eric, I’m manifesting for you.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Thank you.

Andrew: All right, well, we will revisit these next week.

[Ethereal music ends]

Laura: It’s so funny to me that we just got done bullshitting our own predictions for each other, Harry and Ron just got through BS-ing their way through Divination homework, but Hermione is finally going to reveal the results of her many, many hours of work in the library, which is for a cause that is decidedly not BS, but Ron definitely treats it like it is, and that is the formation of the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare, also known as “Spew,” which is an unfortunate name.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Yeah, I’m with you on that one. J.K. Rowling did her no favors.

Andrew: Just call it S.P.E.W. Isn’t that how you’re supposed to say it?

Eric: That is how you’re supposed to say it.

Laura: Yeah, but everybody calls it “Spew.” It even starts here in this chapter.

Eric: I think Hermione in settling on this… I know that the joke is there was a much longer name that she couldn’t go with, but the fact that she even settled for this or thought herself not creative and just went with it and made all these badges… she invites all of the criticism, I think.

Laura: Yeah. Well, and I think it goes to show that Hermione is young. I remember… and I think we can all think back to a time when we were young, where we were first gaining an awareness of the world and the unfairness that can exist in the world, and we wanted to do something altruistic, and we thought we knew what the right thing to do was, we thought we knew how to be impactful, but we didn’t. And that’s where Hermione is right now. Her heart’s in the right place; she is absolutely right, but she doesn’t know how to tackle such a large societal issue as someone with relatively little life experience just being that she’s only 14 years old. But there is a big “Oof” moment from Ron here where he literally talks to Hermione like she’s stupid and says, “Hermione, they like it. They like being enslaved.” And I just found myself… and of course, I’m looking at this through a 2024 lens, and I cannot imagine anyone, even someone as young as Ron, trying to justify this take nowadays. We know that Ron grows up and he grows a conscience on this issue, so we’ll give him that acknowledgement, I guess, but I’m wondering if we ever remember being this young and having a bad take or being uninformed about something?

Eric: Oh, yeah. I’m sure 70% of me was probably bad takes as a kid.

Laura: [laughs] Yeah.

Eric: But I think the thing that Ron has is the lack of information or experience. House-elves… you don’t see a house-elf. He has literally only seen a house-elf within the last month, or week. And for Ron, he might be trying to do Hermione a favor and warn her off against something that is a time-consuming project that’s not worth her time. It turns out she does spend a lot of time on this, and it doesn’t really yield results except for her personal character growth. But the reasons why it doesn’t work aren’t her fault, really, necessarily. It’s just that for Ron, his understanding of the world is one way and it’s limited. But we don’t exactly have house-elves out there or the house-elves in the kitchen striking. We don’t have them advocating for themselves…

Micah: That we know of.

Eric: … and that, I think, is the difference. That’s the point where, yes, what Ron says, “They like to be enslaved,” is absolutely wrong, and you should never, ever try and make that argument. But there’s an absence of, I think, within the house-elf community an outspoken contingent that feels that they should be entitled to these other things.

Laura: Just Dobby.

Micah: I think part of it for Ron, too, is there’s something in the Ron/Hermione relationship here, right? Ron is very much trying to be like, “Come on, Hermione, are you really going to spend your time on this?” And that’s maybe more so the mindset of a 14-year-old looking at this and saying, “I’d rather focus my time on the Triwizard Tournament and Unforgivable Curses and playing Quidditch.” Hermione is spending her time focused on house-elf liberation. Like, “Hermione, you don’t get it; they like this.” That’s the mindset I see him being in. And also, yeah, this is very much informed by the way that he was brought up. There’s no question about it, right? Living in the wizarding world. It doesn’t make it right. It just means that how he was raised… or maybe he just wasn’t properly educated on house-elves. So I’m actually, in a way – because I’ve thought about this a lot – I’m bothered that J.K. Rowling wrote this line for Ron and his character. And we can certainly dissect it on multiple levels. I think Ron is trying to show Hermione he knows more about the wizarding world than she does, hence him saying they like being treated this way, but at the same time, he comes across as being extremely ignorant. And this is a line you would expect from Draco, but I think coming from Ron, it shows that we all carry unconscious bias and we regurgitate things maybe that our parents say or they taught us when we were younger, and we didn’t know any better. So I think there is a lesson in Ron saying it; I’m still just bothered that he was the one that was given this line, because I do think it’s kind of out of character for him.

Andrew: To your point about an unconscious bias, I think back to a comment I think I made on the show a few weeks ago, which is that they were raised thinking this is just how house-elves operated. They were never taught anything different. They never had the opportunity to even think anything different because this is just what they were raised to think.

Micah: The other part of this, too – and I’m sure we’ll discuss this more as we get into SPEW – is that Hermione is coming from the Muggle world where slavery is a real thing, and this is the wizarding world version of it. So I think she’s coming into it with a much different perspective than Ron is.

Andrew: Right, yeah.

Laura: Well, I think it’s such an interesting contrast that we get between these two characters, because while I agree that in her heart of hearts Hermione is right – she is right about everything that she says about the way house-elves are treated and all of it being wrong and there needs to be justice, right – but I think Hermione is also falling into that youthful, idealistic trap of thinking that she knows what exactly the house-elves want. Ron is doing the same thing by saying, “Well, they like being enslaved,” but Hermione is also assuming that every house-elf is going to want the same thing.

Eric: Right, because why wouldn’t you? But neither of them are talking to house-elves, crucially.

Laura: Exactly. Well, after this, Hedwig finally makes her return. Harry has been waiting for…

Eric: Well, it’s about time! I was starting to worry about her.

Laura: Yeah, Harry has been waiting a long time. So she has word from Sirius, who says that he is on his way north because of Harry’s scar hurting and “the signs.” What signs is he referring to? Is there anything maybe that we aren’t already aware of?

Andrew: All I could think of was the events of the Cup, somebody reportedly approaching Mad-Eye’s house… I’m sure there’s some other things that Dumbledore is aware of. Maybe he heard Trelawney murmuring something one afternoon.

Eric: [laughs] She’s always murmuring. I feel like that’s exactly it, Andrew, and I think there’s a line somewhere where they’re like, “This is how it started last time, strange disappearances, unconnected or seemingly…”

Andrew: Bertha went missing.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. So I think that those are the signs, but also, there’s probably a sixth sense that you get from living through this the first time, Voldemort’s reign the first time.

Andrew: Oh, yeah. [imitating Dumbledore] “I’ve seen this song and dance before.”

Eric: Exactly, exactly. And so I think even in a non-quantifiable way, there’s probably a feeling in the air, something in the breeze that tells Dumbledore to act or tells Sirius that he’s got to keep a closer eye on Harry. And apart from that, the Death Eater thing that you brought up, Andrew, is exactly right, because that’s the boldest demonstration of solidarity that they felt since Voldemort was defeated. So even if there’s not about to be a Voldemort uprising, that alone is the most concerning thing you can imagine following Voldemort’s demise.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “This isn’t my first rodeo.”

Eric: [laughs] Exactly! Exactly, he says that and he straps his boots on and his little cowboy hat, and he goes to town.

Laura: Oh no, we’re going to get more AI art.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “To quote the Ace of Base hit, I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes. I saw the sign.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: So perfect. I don’t know how you do it, Andrew.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: I think there’s something to be said for… Sirius is Harry’s godfather. He’s the closest thing he has to a parent; he’s essentially his guardian now. Isn’t that the proper behavior of the person who’s responsible for a child? If your parents were to get a letter like that, wouldn’t they come running to Hogwarts?

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: The only other thing I could think of in terms of signs was maybe Snape has some intel that he’s shared with Dumbledore.

Andrew: Yeah, well, and I wanted to get into this, but we’re running out of time. Snape is not happy with Mad-Eye being at the school, and Harry surmises it’s because, “Oh, Snape has always wanted the DADA post,” but maybe it’s actually Snape senses something is up with Mad-Eye, to your point about catching another sign from Snape.

Eric: It’s a clever misdirect. I think the only sign that Snape knows is that his Dark Mark is getting stronger, because I think that’s said to have started around the time of the World Cup.

Andrew: [imitating Snape] “Something’s tickling on my arm.”

[Eric laughs]

Eric: [imitating Snape] “A mysterious tickling.”

Andrew: [imitating Snape] “I see the sign too.”

Laura: [laughs] He feels the sign.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: But I feel like Snape would say something to Dumbledore if he started feeling his Dark Mark getting stronger again, even if it was really slight. I think Snape would know exactly what it means, especially when you put together the really broad public presence of the Death Eaters at the World Cup. I think he would have said something to Dumbledore.


Odds & Ends


Laura: Anywho, let’s get into some odds and ends for the chapter. While Harry and Ron are BS-ing their way through Divination homework, it is noted that Fred and George are being unusually quiet and studious in the common room. Of course, we know that they’re trying to think of ways to get Ludo Bagman to pay them their money after he paid them in leprechaun gold.

Andrew: They need that money because they’re putting together a new shop for the Wizarding World of Harry Potter Diagon Alley.

Laura: Yes.

Andrew: And the Wizarding World of Harry Potter Ministry of Magic, opening in 2025.

Laura: Yeah. I thought there was an interesting… there was a curious line here, though, where Fred wanted to say something that was a little more mean, honestly.

Eric: Well, more direct.

Laura: Yeah, more direct. And George cut him off and was like, “No, no, no, let’s not do that. He’s going to think we’re blackmailing him.” And I just thought that was another great example of the difference between the twins. We’ve definitely talked about Fred being the more, I guess you could say, aggressive of the two twins, so I like that we still see it in these small ways.

Eric: It’s beautiful.

Laura: And then just wanted to call out Harry is being a real jerk to Hedwig when she gets back. He’s so mean to her.

Eric: Well, if he wanted her to come back this whole time, he should have been stuffing his pockets with extra biscuits or something, instead of being like, “I don’t like the contents of my letter, so I don’t have anything for you. Just go away. Go to the owlery.”

Andrew: Yeah, poor girl’s hungry. She earned a little treat after that journey from somewhere down south.

Laura: Yeah. Right.

Andrew: And Hedwig was probably like, “Damn, Sirius has a nice vacation going on right now. I don’t want to leave this place and go back to rainy, cloudy Hogwarts.”

Eric: That’s why she took so long; she was hanging out and taking in some of the rays for a little bit.

Andrew: [laughs] Tanning.

Micah: I would.

Laura: Just wings splayed out.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, cocktail in one wing. Mmm. Tropical butterbeer.


MVP of the Week


Andrew: All right, it’s time for MVP of the week.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: On a related note, I’m going to give it to Sirius for breaking his southern vacation to come home. I’m sorry, buddy. You’ll be able to go back, maybe. You have some time…

Laura: [tearfully] No, you won’t.

Andrew: … I think.

Eric: Oh, too soon. I’m going to give my MVP to Professor Lupin, who wrote Moody a long letter explaining about all the various classes, and Harry’s class in particular. I just think that’s a really sweet extra thing that he didn’t have to do from wherever he is now.

Laura: I’m going to give mine to Neville, because I think, actually, in this chapter we see Neville being brave, and I don’t think that we often think of Neville as brave, apart from the ends of Books 1 and 7. But I think it was really brave of him in this chapter to volunteer information in a lesson that was clearly so traumatic for him to witness and talk about, but he still did it because he knew the answer. So I’m proud of him.

Micah: I second that as a fellow Ravenclaw, Laura. Just the bravery that Neville shows in this moment to talk about his parents – but not directly talk about his parents – in front of the entire classroom, I think shows why he is a Gryffindor, to your point.

[MVP of the Week music ends]

Andrew: If you have any feedback about today’s discussion, send us an owl by emailing MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can send a voice memo to that same address, or you can use our phone number and you can give Hedwig a break. Just call 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. And next week we’ll discuss Chapter 15 of Goblet of Fire, “Beauxbatons and Durmstrang.” Time for our weekly trivia game, Quizzitch.


Quizzitch


[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question: What is Lavender showing Parvati in DADA that gets her scolded by Mad-Eye Fakey? Correct answer is her completed horoscope. Congratulations, for this first Quizzitch question in the month of February, to the winners who submitted the correct answer, including Isobel; Henry; Bev; LC; Elizabeth; Zach Brennan; Jenn Penn; Lizzie; Xaden; Ollie Tabooger; Eddie; Meaghan C.; and Katie from Hufflepuff. And, okay, you wore me down…

Laura: Yay!

Eric: … also Daniel government ID 007-31-1980; Jiggly Jane Luff; Better than Potter’s Broomstick; Samwise Potterhobbit; Quizzitch scratches my quiz itch; The band member who kept playing because they didn’t realize Cedric was dead in Harry’s arms.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Laura: Thank you.

Eric: Welcome back to all zany Quizzitch names. Here’s next week’s Quizzitch question: What are the first two words of Sirius’s second letter that he sends Harry in this school year? They’re really good words. Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form located on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or go to the MuggleCast website – maybe you’re checking out transcripts, something else – and click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: That’s right, there are transcripts on MuggleCast.com! And our social media links, and our full episode archive, and our favorite episodes, and the contact form. Also, tuition at Hogwarts might be free – and boy, are we jealous of that – but tuition here in the Muggle world wasn’t free, and we still have student loans to pay…

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: … so we’d appreciate your support at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. Your support goes to running the show so we can spend more time on the show and less time in the scary Muggle world. If you’re an Apple Podcasts user, you can subscribe to MuggleCast Gold, which gets you ad-free, early access to MuggleCast, plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month. We’ve got some great bonus MuggleCast installments up right now, including a recap of Micah’s trip to the UK, in which he had very American food at the Harry Potter Studio Tour. I’m still chuckling about that.

Micah: Look, I read you the menu. The menu was actually very American, to be fair.

Andrew: [laughs] And you were like, “I’m home. Thank goodness.”

Eric: Listen, this is how you promo the bonus.

Micah: I had butterbeer.

Eric: “You won’t believe how American Micah’s food was at the Studio Tour!”

Andrew: Don’t say another word about it, Micah. Everybody has to listen on our Patreon or on Apple Podcasts.

Micah: Which is a great deal, by the way.

Andrew: It is a very good deal.

Micah: I don’t know if I’ve talked about this before…

[Laura laughs]

Micah: But I will just do another pitch really quick here because I really feel strongly about this, and I do it myself with podcasts that I support. $4.99 a month. Most of our listeners, I’m going to assume, enjoy a nice cup of coffee, and you go to a Starbucks. What do you pay for that cup of coffee? It’s probably more than $4.99. So you get early access to the show, ad-free, and bonus MuggleCast for $5 a month. That’s why it’s a great deal.

Andrew: You’re right.

Eric: Also, cup of coffee lasts a couple hours, and these features last you all month long.

Andrew: And plus, you’re supporting indie podcasters and not a coffee conglomerate, so we really appreciate you putting…

Micah: [laughs] Starbucks will not be a sponsor of MuggleCast anytime in the future.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: It’d be great if there was a Starbucks ad in this.

Eric: It would be funny if by happenstance they are the sponsors this week.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But yeah, you’re supporting your friends in your earholes.

Andrew: Your Harry Potter friends, yeah. We really appreciate you. Another way to support us is through our store on Etsy; MuggleMillennial.etsy.com is where you can buy MuggleCast T-shirts, the Cozy Comfy Combo Pack, which is our beanie and socks at one reduced price. We got our wooden cars that you can build. We’ve got signed album art, really signed by the four of us, and some other gifts that are from Patreon years past. Eric also warns us that only 30 wooden cars remain, so act fast if you want to grab one of those MuggleCast Sweet 16 cars.

Eric: Yeah, we got a couple orders this week. Man, we started with over 600 and we’re down to 30.

Andrew: If you enjoy the show and think other Muggles would too, tell a friend about the show. We want to be their Harry Potter friends as well. And we’d also appreciate if you left us a review in your favorite podcast app. So that does it for this week’s episode. Remember, CONSTANT VIGILANCE! I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Constant, never-ceasing vigilance!

Transcript #643

 

MuggleCast 643 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #643, Karma is Crookshanks Purring in My Lap (GOF Chapter 13, Mad-Eye Moody)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Grab your favorite ferret…

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: … because this week we are discussing Goblet of Fire unlucky Chapter 13 – for Malfoy, at least – “Mad-Eye Moody.” And Micah will lead us through today’s discussion in a few moments, but first, we have a little bit of news we just want to – as Micah used in our Slack – “light touch” on, to use some corporate lingo. Let’s give it a light touch on air, a light touch, and then we’ll circle back during bonus MuggleCast in the weeks ahead.

Eric: I feel like we’ve already given too much of a touch to this news just by announcing it several times.

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Is that light enough? Okay, so let’s move on. That way you’ll never know what the news was.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: I’m ready to jump right into the discussion.

Andrew: No, Deadline has reported on a few of the writers who are talking with Warner Bros. to take on the job as screenwriter of the Harry Potter TV series. The four people they name are Martha Hillier, Kathleen Jordan, Tom Moran, and Michael Lesslie. These are among the people who are presenting their visions to the streaming service and Warner Bros. television. It’s an interesting mix of Brits and Americans, Deadline editorializes, and they have heard that the group of writers were commissioned by Max to create pitches for a series reflecting their take on the Harry Potter intellectual property. The first round of pitch meetings happened in LA this week, and sources said the top choices will go on to the next round in the UK. Deadline also added there also may be an opportunity for more than one of these writers to be involved, and that Max is open to the possibility of developing more than one idea based on Harry Potter.

Eric: I’ll bet that they are.

Andrew: To me, what jumps to mind is, okay, they’ll go for Marauders, or they’ll go for Hogwarts founders, a series around those types of ideas. That’s my hope, anyway.

Laura: I think that they’re definitely going to lead with their concept around the books, but I think they’re probably looking at how do they create a connected universe? So probably at this stage, they’re thinking about the books, but they’re also trying to think ahead about what kinds of spinoffs would be possible.

Andrew: So it’s nice to see that there is progress. Maybe by the end of the year we could get some casting news, if they’re already narrowing down the writers. I don’t think it’s too unreasonable to expect we’d hear about, at least, who will play the trio by the end of the year. That said, whoever plays the trio, we’ll probably have never heard of them. They’re going to cast, what, 10-year-olds, because by the time they get filming, they’ll be 11 or 12.

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: It’s going to be interesting, especially with the spinoffs, because you’re going to want to establish those characters, because I’m assuming you’re going to want the same actors who play, let’s just say, Sirius, Remus, James, Lily, to be those actors that go into the spinoff series, right?

Andrew: Right.

Micah: Because otherwise, I feel like it gets a little bit too confusing.

Andrew: So we will discuss this more; we’ll look at these four writers and what they’ve written and we’ll see if we know of any of their projects. And there has been some other developments that we will touch on as well in a future installment of bonus MuggleCast, which is available at Patreon.com/MuggleCast and also through the Apple Podcasts paid subscription that we are calling MuggleCast Gold.

Micah: Great deal.

Andrew: So we’ll let everybody know when that is released, sometime in February.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: So without further ado, let’s jump into Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Goblet of Fire Chapter 13, “Mad-Eye Moody,” and we’ll start, like we always do, with our Seven-Word Summary.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Laura: Karma…

Andrew: … comes…

Micah: … full…

Eric: … ferret…

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: … for…

Andrew: … Draco…

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: What?

Laura: … Malfoy.

Micah: Yay.

Andrew: Laura is giving me a look like I did something bad. [laughs]

[Seven-Word Summary music ends]

Eric: Full ferret. This ain’t no half-assed ferret.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: This is full ferret.

Andrew: When Laura started it “karma,” if I was a true Swiftie, I would just try to lead us towards a lyric from the Taylor Swift song “Karma,” but I didn’t know what to go with.

Laura: Yeah, I wasn’t sure. So genuinely, “karma” feels like the right word here, and it wasn’t really a Swiftie reference, but it does feel like we could have done something with the lyric where she says something about like, “Karma is the cat purring in my lap.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Could it be “Karma is the ferret bouncing…”? How many words is that? Anyway.

Micah: Karma is the Crookshanks bouncing in my lap.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Oh, perfect.

Micah: Purr-fect.

Andrew: Ooh, wow.

Eric: We essentially just Made the Music Connection. We haven’t had that segment in a little while.

Laura: We did.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Micah: Let’s jump into the chapter discussion. And actually, I wanted to start where we left off at the end of last chapter, but we didn’t really discuss it, because I think it’s important as we start to move forward with all things related to the Triwizard Tournament, and that was the Harry/Ron conversation at the very end of the chapter where you can tell Ron is very excited about the possibility of this thing happening and how cool it would be for his name to end up in it. Harry less so. So as we see those two dynamics play themselves out, it would almost be good for Ron to come back to this moment to reference it, because Harry clearly wants nothing to do with the Triwizard Tournament. And of course, Ron gets pretty pissed off at him in a couple of chapters for being selected, but you can see the different emotions that the two have for what is to come. But let’s talk about some fourth year lessons. And I believe, Eric, this answers the Quizzitch question from last week: The first class that Harry, Ron, and Hermione take is Herbology. And the way that we’re going to do this discussion, we’re going to talk about the three classes that they attend in this chapter, and it’s interesting to take a look at how qualified each of these professors are for their respective positions.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: With Herbology, I think it’s fair to say Professor Sprout is probably the most qualified of the three; we’re going to get to Care of Magical Creatures as well as Divination. But what the lesson is focused on for the group of students is bubotuber pus, and this is extremely valuable for its acne-curing abilities, but if touched undiluted, could leave painful boils on the skin, and for this reason dragon-hide gloves were recommended to be worn. I want to start out by asking, why is Professor Sprout bottling this up? Does she have some kind of side hustle where she sells rare and valuable items on the underground Hogwarts black market?

[Laura laughs]

Eric: You’re thinking of Slughorn.

Andrew: A skincare side hustle. Maybe she works for CeraVe or another popular skincare brand.

Laura: Maybe. A woman ahead of her time; she wanted to become a TikTok influencer.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: She does mention doing this for Madam Pomfrey so that Madam Pomfrey can provide students with a better solution to their acne problems, since some students like Eloise Midgen have taken to trying to curse their acne off and leaving themselves with horrible scars. But I do think it’s really interesting to make the comparison between Professor Sprout and Hagrid using their classes to accomplish some kind of other purpose. They’re using it to kill two birds with one stone. So Professor Sprout is gathering supplies, allegedly for Madam Pomfrey, although it might be her side hustle black market skincare business. Hagrid is using his class to learn more about a magical creature that he actually doesn’t know that much about, so he’s actually learning alongside the students. And I just think it’s really interesting to look at the ways that both of these professors are using their classes as a vehicle to kill two birds with one stone.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yes and no. I think Hagrid is definitely putting the kids in harm’s way to achieve personal satisfaction, whereas for Sprout, I do think that the different subjects at Hogwarts and the different departments should be working together, especially because of the historical overlap between Herbology, the actual practice, and medicine.

Micah: And potions.

Eric: A lot of prescription medications have origins in the plant world; you’d be surprised. It’s a good, wicked deep dive. But so it just makes sense to me that whatever they’re doing in Herbology would end up in the hospital wing at some form or another. Obviously, acne is super relevant to the teenagers that go to this school, so that’s cool.

Andrew: And me. Still battling it. [sighs]

Eric: Oh, I’m so sorry, Andrew. But it is ultimately an interesting lesson. That’s the other thing, is the students aren’t in danger. Yeah, bubotubers are really weird, but they’re sort of benign. They’re not about to give you cuts and bruises and burns in the way that Hagrid’s… which we’ll talk about. But yeah, I just wanted to draw the attention to medicine and herbs, or Herbology and medicine. We saw this back in Book 2 with the mandrakes.

Laura: Yeah, for sure. And I think to your point, Eric, the most interesting classes are the ones where you actually get to apply the knowledge, so we can even draw that comparison to Professor Lupin’s Defense Against the Dark Arts class, right? The classes that seem to have the most impact on these students are when they’re actually getting to contribute to the subject matter in some way, whereas the same can’t be said for Hagrid or Professor Trelawney.

Micah: Right. And LC brought up a really good point in the Discord about the bubotuber pus, in that it comes into play later on in this book when Hermione starts to receive some hate mail.

Eric: Ooh.

Micah: So we will keep an eye out for that, much like the Blast-Ended Skrewt will make an appearance later on in this book. So we’re being set up by the author for some things to come in the future, which she often does. But we talked a little bit about this, comparing the instruction that Professor Sprout provides to her students on how to handle a practical lesson versus Hagrid. And Professor Sprout, she mentions using those dragon-hide gloves to protect your hands, much like she does in Book 2 with the mandrakes, wearing the earmuffs. Imagine Hagrid in that situation. He probably would forget to tell the students to wear earmuffs; they’d all pass out onto the floor.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Micah: He’d probably forget to tell them to wear the dragon-hide gloves and they’d start to get boils all over their hands, so Professor Sprout has probably had a few more years of experience here.

Andrew: Well, definitely as a teacher.

Micah: But she’s definitely the more seasoned expert, and it’s interesting to look at how the two classes are conducted.

Eric: And it’s also unfair to think about the two lessons as being comparable in terms of their subject, because it seems like the bubotubers have some redeeming qualities that the Blast-Ended Skrewts are yet eluding from us. And the thing I like about the bubotubers, while we’re still on them, is they’re described as being kind of gross. The smell is like petrol, which is like gasoline, when you do get the pus out of them, but yet, they’re sort of satisfying to squeeze. And there’s this weird, icky, gooey, kind of satisfying, squelching that’s going on on a class level. And I think that this is just something that is ultimately very hilarious, but feels very human in a way that when we have had something that is like… I don’t know if it’s just a little blemish or something on your skin and you can’t stop touching it. I think this is supposed to be reminiscent of that.

Laura: Yeah, well, and also, I mean, it’s kind of gross, but there are people who genuinely get satisfaction out of popping pimples like that. Don’t do this, but there is a whole rabbit hole on TikTok and YouTube of pimple-popping videos.

Eric: Oh my… thank you. I’m going to block this on all my search algorithms. Thank you.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Isn’t there a TV show called Dr. Pimple Popper? Or is that just a YouTuber?

Laura: There is.

Andrew: Yeah, this is a whole thing. People get a lot of satisfaction, like you’re saying.

Laura: Yeah, they do. And I think it’s really funny that you have teenagers who themselves presumably are very familiar with pimples and they’re getting that satisfaction. Rather than popping the ones on their face, they’re popping the bubotubers.

Micah: [laughs] Oh, geez.

Laura: It’s kind of gross, but it feels like there’s a connection to be drawn there. Weird connection. [laughs]

Micah: Well, on that note, let’s move on to Care of Magical Creatures, which honestly is not that much better. Hagrid is teaching the fourth years about Blast-Ended Skrewts, as we mentioned, and he really continues to prove why he is an unqualified professor. So just to give a little bit of description of what the Skrewts look like, they’re “deformed, shell-less lobsters, horribly pale and slimy-looking, with legs sticking out in very odd places and no visible heads. There were about a hundred of them in each crate, each about six inches long, crawling over one another, bumping blindly into the sides of the boxes. They were giving off a very powerful smell of rotting fish. Every now and then, sparks would fly out of the end of a Skrewt, and with a small phut, it would be propelled forward several inches.” And they’re going to grow. They’re not going to stay this small.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: They’re going to get pretty damn big. They’re actually going to be included into the Triwizard Tournament third task.

Andrew: Yes. And also, we see one IRL in [takes a deep breath before speaking fast] Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure at Universal Orlando at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter Hogsmeade trademark.

Eric: Nice job

Micah: Well done.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: And it’s cool and it’s big. It’s bigger than Hagrid, isn’t it? Or it’s about the same size as Hagrid. I can’t remember.

Eric: It also smells good. They pumped into the air this very fake… do you remember this smell?

Andrew: I remember them pumping a scent. Was it a good scent?

Eric: I seem to recall… well, I also like gasoline, so you really can’t go on my opinion.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Okay, then never mind.

Laura: Wow. You’re one of those.

Eric: But it’s a sweet… somebody else back me up who’s been. It is actually a sweet smell.

Micah: Was that a side car smell? Because I know you were in the sidecar; I was on the motorbike.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: I don’t want to get into this. The whole thing is, the appearance of the Blast-Ended Skrewt at the third task of the Triwizard Tournament should tell you about the Skrewts’ suitability for being taught in class. Literally, only three adult wizards are of age wizards, at 17, are supposed to be able to handle a fully-grown Skrewt. They are not suited for 14-year-old class. And I’m pretty sure – I could be misremembering – but the Skrewts are pretty much all they do this year in this class. They’re just having to take care of them, I guess throughout the year, so it’s just ridiculous and absurd that Hagrid would be giving this to the kids.

Laura: And isn’t the insidious thing here that presumably these are the Skrewts that are being raised for the maze task at the end of the book? Are these fourth years raising these Skrewts throughout the entire year so that somebody can come pick the biggest, most aggressive one, and be like, “Yeah, that’s the one going in the maze”? Who went to Hagrid and was like, “Yo, so we want Skrewts in the maze, so here are some babies. We need you to nurture them over the next eight months and then we’re going to put one…”

Micah: Probably Dumbledore.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, I didn’t want to say it, but thank you, Micah.

Andrew: [as Dumbledore] “Here are some Skrewts. Take care of them.”

[Laura laughs]

Micah: So I think we would all ask the questions that Draco Malfoy poses to Hagrid, and he’s a little bit of an ass to him initially, but then he course corrects very quickly, so he’s maturing a little bit. And he asks Hagrid, “What do we do with them? What’s the point of them?” And Hagrid has no idea how to answer either question. I mean, he basically just punts until the next lesson. He says, “Yeah, we’ll discuss that in the next lesson,” but it’s because he has no idea.

Andrew: And does he answer that question in the next lesson?

Eric: No.

Micah: Well, I guess we’ll find out.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: I mean, probably not.

Micah: I don’t remember.

Laura: Doubtful.

Andrew: But I do love that Draco asks this, because with the benefit of hindsight, and with all of our complaints – with love – on the show about how Hogwarts is a security nightmare, this question of “What’s the point of them?” is a question you can ask about a lot of things in the wizarding world. Like locks. What are the points of locks on doors if you can just unlock them easily with a spell? There’s no point. Hermione even admits after class that the Blast-Ended Skrewts are pretty useless and they should have just stomped on them, which was a pretty interesting admission from Hermione.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: It’s so mean.

Eric: Yeah. Look, I find it hard to acknowledge the question “What’s the point of something that’s living?” It clearly has a point and a purpose somewhere in the great wide world; it’s just not as a lesson in Hogwarts, not without an accomplished professor instructing you all of the things. The thing is, Hagrid doesn’t know. This is what sets him apart from Professor Sprout, who provides protective gloves. Hagrid doesn’t know you need them. He doesn’t even know what they eat. He literally hands the Skrewts to the class and hands them a bunch of different food items including guts or liver and a bit of lettuce and is like, “We’ll see what happens.” It just is completely… what if the Skrewt really hates lettuce and decides to explode angrily? Literally. Hagrid isn’t prepared for this at all.

Micah: But you think some props are due to Hagrid for the way he handles Malfoy?

Eric: I just think that it makes sense, because he’s faltering… I think the first two questions Malfoy asks Hagrid, like, “Oh, I don’t know,” and then he does expertly maneuver: “We’ll talk about this next time,” and that is the only way to handle somebody like Malfoy. I mean, I do agree Malfoy’s questions are fair, but as a teacher, you’ve got to bring the focus back to what you’re going to be doing, because ultimately, they’re here to be told what to do in this class, and answering questions like “What is the point of this?” is not productive or conducive to continuing the lesson on.

Andrew: In Draco’s defense, so many creatures in the wizarding world do seem to have a purpose, and we hear about good purposes for a lot of the beasts in Fantastic Beasts, for example…

Eric: Oh, yeah.

Andrew: And I feel like if Hagrid is teaching about a particular creature in his Care of Magical Creatures class, there should be… there’s got to be thousands of creatures, just like there’s thousands of different types of insects and animals. There should be a genuine reason that he’s teaching these particular creatures, but in this case, it really just has to do with the Triwizard Tournament, I guess. [laughs]

Eric: Raising them to be tackled by the Triwizards, yeah.

Andrew: “Dumbledore asked me to raise these guys anyway, so let me kill two birds with one stone.”

Eric: Well, and if it was Dumbledore, he certainly knows how Hagrid is going to use them. He’s going to have all these fourth years – and who knows what he’s doing to the younger students – ending up with burns, and that’s not great.

Laura: Yeah, I want to call out in the Discord, LC is pointing out that “Am I mistaken, or did Hagrid breed the Skrewts himself unprompted?” Samwise adding, “I think that’s right. He bred them on his own. He says in the Skeeter interview that he was just having some fun.” And that is ringing a bell for me.

Eric: That actually makes me think the third task is poorly planned and they needed a creature to put in the maze at the last minute, and then Hagrid was like, “Well, I could use a Skrewt.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: So it’s not like, “At least one of them survived.” So I don’t know who to blame about this because I feel like that’s making the best of a bad situation. But why wasn’t the third task planned? They’ve been planning this whole Triwizard Tournament for all year now. Just throw a Skrewt in there.

Andrew: They were focused on the security around who could put their name into the Goblet, you see.

Eric: Which works out so well for them. It’s the tightest security we’ve ever seen.

Andrew: Right.

Laura: It kind of failed.

Eric: I will say about the pointlessness of the Skrewts, too, this is right before J.K. Rowling released the two books for Comic Relief, one of them being Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, so I like to think that this is back before beasts had to serve a purpose. I feel like the making of this book would have created a need to explain some of the beasts’ purpose, because that’s totally what Newt is about. But this book was being written in the year before that, so it’s like a beast can still just serve no purpose, basically. And I’d like to… I want to review, while you guys are talking real quick, what the Skrewt entry is, because I wonder if Newt has anything nice to say about them, because it was probably nothing.

Andrew: Yeah, I was going to ask if it’s mentioned.

Laura: Yeah. It’s a good call-out. And it’s such an interesting conversation to think about the idea that characters in the wizarding world – and I think you can compare this to the real world too – think that a beast has to serve a purpose for them, because that’s the quiet part they don’t say out loud.

Eric: That’s what Draco is asking.

Laura: Yeah, like, “What is it going to do for me?”

Andrew: Yeah, but I guess what I’m saying is, what is the point of teaching it in this class that has limited time across somebody’s entire career at Hogwarts if there is no valid purpose for a wizard?

Laura: Well…

Micah: That’s a fair point.

Andrew: Is that selfish?

[Laura laughs]

Micah: No, I think that’s a fair question, but you could probably ask that about a lot of topics that are taught at Hogwarts, much like you could ask the question about a lot of things that are taught to us when we’re in school, like what do we still use today that we learned back in middle school or high school?

Andrew: No comment. I don’t want to upset any parents who are listening with their children.

Micah: Oh, yes. Or teachers for that matter. I’m sorry. We’re going to get hate mail.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Everything you learned in school is important, Forrest and Luke and all of the children out there.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: But aren’t they at odds with each other now?

Andrew: They can bond around the importance of education.

Micah: Oh, okay.

Eric: Now, my copy of this is, of course, the heavily updated post-movie version of Fantastic Beasts the book, but it skips from Billywig to Bowtruckle. There’s no Blast-Ended Skrewt in here.

Andrew: What about in the S’s? For Skrewt?

Eric: I didn’t find out there either.

Andrew: Oh, okay.

Laura: Well, what are they mixed with? Wasn’t it a Manticore and something else?

Eric: Oh, yeah. That’s right.

Andrew: Yes. And a Fire Crab.

Eric: Oh, I bet that they’re both in here, then. But yeah, under S it goes from Shrake to Snallygaster.

Laura: So wait, did Hagrid come up with this name, by the way, since this is presumably…? Is it a new species? And did Hagrid come up with the name Blast-Ended Skrewt? [laughs]

Andrew: You know what, yes. It’s “a magical hybrid beast bred by Rubeus Hagrid in ’94 by crossbreeding Manticores and Fire Crabs.” [laughs]

Eric: If he had hundreds of them – hundreds of them – he was really successful at breeding.

Andrew: “Whether Hagrid used magic or somehow got the two different species to mate remains unknown.”

Micah: So he’s the one with the side hustle.

Andrew: Yes!

Eric: He’s the one to blame. I mean, it honestly sounds like… with that information from later books and canon, it honestly seems like he tried to devise something that would tickle his fancy the absolute most. Small and dangerous.

Andrew: See, but all the more reason for him not to be teaching about this creature. This is just a personal science project for him. This isn’t part of some curriculum from the Ministry or something or from Dumbledore. This is nuts.

Micah: And along those lines, we do see Dean end up getting stung. And the issue here maybe is less so that Dean gets stung, but Hagrid doesn’t give any warning that this could happen.

Eric: Right.

Micah: He doesn’t properly prepare the students the dangers that could arise. And maybe he doesn’t know, because he just bred these things, what they’re capable of.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: There has to be… look, there’s Ministry officials around. There has to be bans on experimental breeding; I’m pretty sure that comes up at some point.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Be fair, Micah. He just invented these creatures that he’s now throwing in front of students.

Micah: These just popped out of the oven ten minutes before the class started.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Honestly, I feel like… I don’t know; this is all starting to give me Tiger King vibes.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: I’m just imagining a reality show uncovering the darkest secrets of the Hogwarts gamekeeper who has secretly been crossbreeding species without any kind of governmental oversight or expert guidance. Rita Skeeter; she’d be well fed if that was the story. [laughs]

Micah: Can we get AI of Robbie Coltrane and Joe Exotic?

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Another connection between Harry Potter and Tiger King is in both, somebody gets called a bitch.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Well, there you go.

Micah: All right.

Andrew: [laughs] Who’s worse? Bellatrix or Carole King? [laughs] Carol Baskin. Excuse me.

Laura: But does Bellatrix have some hit YouTube songs about her? Because I don’t think she does.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Was she on Dancing with the Stars? Didn’t she go on Dancing with the Stars?

Andrew: That sounds right.

Micah: Carole King?

Laura: She did.

Micah: Or not Carole King. Carol Baskin.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: I believe Carole Baskin did. Anyway.

Andrew: I think so. I think you’re right.

Laura: I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Anyway.

Micah: I think we more or less answered this question, but do we think that Hagrid would have been better positioned as a teacher’s assistant as opposed to being a full-blown professor?

Andrew: He needs guidance. Yes.

Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: He would have been better as an assistant.

Eric: He shouldn’t even be teaching. Even as an assistant, I think he’d do more harm than good. He just has this desire for danger and it should not be at all channeled through these students. These students should be learning only sanctioned things in a safe, laboratory environment, not exposed to new toxins. What if the…? If this is a truly new species, first time out, that sting could have venom in it. There wouldn’t be necessarily an anti-venom; Dean could die. We just don’t know. [laughs]

Andrew: I would like to defend Hagrid, though, via a comment I saw on Reddit. When we come up with discussion topics for the show, I like to do some Googling to see what other people are saying online, and there was a thread on this matter and SagebrushPoet said, “Hagrid was not the best trained, but he was the best suited for the job. His half-giant heritage made him resistant to the manipulations of magical beasts. He adored monsters that would have been shunned by the majority. He had the strength to quell a hippogriff but the compassion to believe that he was more than a carnivorous flying death machine. He had the courage to tell little twats like Malfoy that it’s not monsters you should be afraid of, it’s your damn ignorance and prejudice that’s the problem, and it can be solved if you just respect the hippogriff and show the thing some compassion.” So that doesn’t perfectly answer this question, but I thought it was a fun defense. [laughs]

Eric: I like that. That’s more Book 3 Hagrid, though. Now he’s gone off the rails.

Andrew: Yeah. [laughs]

Eric: Experimental breeding Skrewts for fourth years.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: You know what? Sometimes I think Dumbledore probably found himself in a position of having a role to fill for his staff, and how many choices did he have? So I think in that regard, you could argue that Hagrid was the best choice.

Andrew: It’s funny how Care of Magical Creatures, there doesn’t seem to be a long line of people wanting this job if he’s giving it to Hagrid, and yet for DADA – the one with a curse – there’s just this revolving door of people willing to take it on.

Eric: But Newt Scamander is still alive; why not get him to take Care of Magical Creatures? That would actually be a really interesting class if Newt taught it.

Andrew: See, Warner Bros. says he’s parked right now, so he’ll maybe get brought back out in due course.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: [imitating David Yates] “He’s parked, yes, that’s right; I forgot he’s parked.” Okay. Yeah, so I just think that Hagrid would be better off maybe traveling or something. But seriously, his ineptitude in this chapter, for the first time, makes me consider that Hagrid is there for the same reason Trelawney is there, and it’s strategic. Something Hagrid did or something Hagrid knows makes him too valuable for Dumbledore to kick to the curb, and maybe groundskeeping was not enough for Hagrid to do. Maybe he was getting restless. Maybe he was thinking he should travel more or see more beasts or be in pursuit of something more fascinating, something more dangerous than his cushy job for which he gets lodging and all this other stuff. Maybe Dumbledore hired him as Care of Magical Creatures teacher just to keep him back on Hogwarts soil.

Laura: I think it was also an attempt to deliver some justice, especially in light of the fact that Hagrid was proven to be innocent at the end of Chamber of Secrets, and there’s no getting all those years back that he was presumed to be guilty of causing the death of Moaning Myrtle. There’s no getting back the education that he never got, but maybe this was one small way that Dumbledore felt like justice could be served.

Eric: It’s just, he’s been there for 50 years, though, so it’s like, “You owe me your life”? Like, “Here’s some redemption, and you’re stuck here basically; I’m not going to let you leave,” almost.

Laura: I don’t know. I’m just trying to think where else Hagrid would realistically go.

Micah: The bar.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Or maybe under it.

Eric: I mean, we know that when Hagrid does leave Hogwarts, it’s on a mission from Dumbledore where he pretty competently gets across the wilderness against any and all dangers, and the reason he and Maxime split up is because Hagrid goes so extra and manages to actually bring his giant brother all the way back equally undetectedly, so Hagrid actually does have some usable skills for the wilderness, but he’s being forced to teach a class he’s just not good at teaching.

Micah: And look, there’s different teaching styles, certainly, but I think when you go back to Prisoner of Azkaban and you see what happened with the hippogriff and Draco – now, we can debate whether or not that was Draco’s fault versus Hagrid’s – but Hagrid also should have better command of his classroom. And already we see in the very first class of Harry’s fourth year that Dean is attacked by one of these Blast-Ended Skrewts, so he’s not accumulating a very good record here when it comes to the safety of his students, and that should be the number one priority of all the teachers at Hogwarts. Otherwise, it just continues to be this security nightmare.

Andrew: We should really be hired as security consultants at Hogwarts. That’s what I’m starting to realize.

[“It’s starting to sound like a security nightmare!” sound effect plays with sirens]

Eric: I can see the Hogwarts security consultant being a healthy job to have. It would last so long at the school.

Andrew: You’d have a lot to discuss with them, yeah, it could keep you busy for a while.

Micah: Well, isn’t that kind of why Umbridge comes along in the next book?

Andrew: Excuse you. We don’t want her as security consultant.

Micah: Speaking of unqualified professors – depending on which side of the fence you’re on – the next class up is Divination.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: It’s actually a fun part of the chapter just because a lot of the back and forth that happens between Harry and Ron. But Trelawney is up to her usual antics making random predictions, vague predictions in some cases, and the one we’ll really focus on is the piece that on the surface level looks completely wrong, but if you dig a little bit deeper, may actually have some truth to it. Trelawney tells Harry he was born under the baleful influence of Saturn in mid-winter, and while Harry was born in July, Voldemort was in fact born on December the 31st.

Andrew: Ooh!

Micah: And having completed all seven books now, we know that there is a Horcrux living inside of Harry, so is Trelawney picking up on the Horcrux as opposed to just Harry?

Eric: This is fun.

Laura: I do love this. I love when we have these moments of like, “Is it the Horcrux, or is it not the Horcrux? Is it starting to become a little bit sentient? Is it starting to come to life?” Maybe so. I mean, we’re seeing the most activity from Voldemort in this book that we’ve seen in a couple of years, and he’s getting closer and closer. His most faithful servant is literally at Hogwarts with Harry right now.

Andrew: For anyone who wasn’t in the fandom in the buildup to the release of Deathly Hallows, there was a lot of debate going on concerning whether or not Harry was a Horcrux, and I wonder if those who were on Team “Harry is a Horcrux” were looking at this line as one piece of evidence that possibly he was, because of Trelawney sensing a birthday in mid-winter. That said, his birthday is something that she could have easily looked up. If she really wants to impress people, she should probably double check her work before going public with it.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Her not caring to think about this in advance, I guess, could also speak to her genuine interest and passion for Divination. She’s just following whatever her heart and her mind tells her, whether or not she’ll be embarrassed by it.

Laura: It is funny, too, in an ironic way, because she doesn’t remember it, but she’s the one who gave the prophecy that marked Harry as Voldemort’s equal, and she literally says a boy will be born at the end of July.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: And there’s some evidence that she really did black out and doesn’t remember her prediction, her prophecy.

Micah: Her and Hagrid could be drinking buddies.

Andrew: Who’s the better teacher?

Eric: Ooh, God, that’s tough.

Micah: Who’s the better drinker?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But I love the idea that it’s not that Trelawney while conscious is entirely without the sight. The theory that she’s picking up on the Horcrux shows or relies on her actually having some regular ability. She’s picking up on that from somewhere. It’s in the ether, like, immediately in front of her, but she’s not honed her skills to actually get better at that, because I think she even just assumes that she’s a fraud. I think a lot of that self-doubt is preventing her from really, actually believing in what she teaches, because little near misses of info like this show that she could really actually do it.

Micah: But while you could point to that as a moment of accuracy, Laura, I know you also called out another moment where she’s being extremely vague, and it’s like, yeah, anybody could come up with this.

Laura: Yeah, she tells Harry, “I do fear that the thing that you’re dreading will come to pass.” I mean, it’s the same thing that she did with Lavender in Prisoner of Azkaban, right? It’s like, presumably most people are dreading something; however, there’s another reading to that because Harry also remembers Trelawney’s prophecy about Voldemort’s faithful servant helping the Dark Lord rise to power again, and that’s what’s happening in this book. So this is another area where Trelawney is written really well, because you can either read her as a fraud, or you can read her as a genuine prophet.

Micah: While we know that Trelawney’s qualifications can be debated, Hagrid’s certainly cannot, as well as Sprout. I think you have a good mix here, right? We’ve got a good cross section of professors in this chapter and how good they actually are at their jobs at Hogwarts. But I think it’s time for us to do a little bit of ferreting about as we move on in this chapter.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: We get to meal time, and we encounter Draco yet again in this chapter. We learn that Arthur has been named in the Daily Prophet for coming to…

Andrew: Arthur has?

Micah: Sorry, Arnold. [laughs] We’ll talk about that too. Arthur/Arnold has been named in the Daily Prophet for coming to Mad-Eye Moody’s home to investigate a potential break-in. And so I was curious from the start: Was this a Ministry-sanctioned task that Arthur undertook, or did he do it on his own? Because we got a little bit of insight into it, I guess a couple chapters ago, that he was going to be going. And I remember Amos Diggory in the fire; they were talking about it. But did he have to respond to this? Or was he doing it because Mad-Eye is an ex-Auror, he’s a friend? That sort of thing.

Laura: I think it’s a little bit of both, right? Because in the chapter where Amos shows up in the fire right before they go to Hogwarts, Arthur has just been coming off of several days of needing to do damage control at the Ministry, and now they’re looking at another situation where an ex-Auror, who is getting ready to go be a teacher at Hogwarts, presumably overreacted and attacked a bunch of “please-men,” as they’re known, with trash bins. So it could be that part of what Arthur was doing here was damage control to avoid more negative press for the Ministry.

Eric: Yeah, it’s just a shame it doesn’t work. Yeah, I just revisited the beginning of Chapter 11 when that happens, and it’s Amos Diggory directly calling Arthur Weasley with an urgent message from the Ministry, where he tells Arthur that the police are getting involved over at Moody’s and he should go check it out. So it is, in fact, some level of authority of the Ministry that Arthur does try and go and handle this situation. And as far as the contents of Rita’s article, I mean, we can get into that in a minute. But Arthur is just doing his job.

Andrew: Arthur is doing his job, and maybe Amos/people at the Ministry thought Arthur might be a good person to go investigate, because as we learn, Mad-Eye is a little out there, and maybe they thought a friend would be the right person to approach his house and talk to him about it.

Micah: That’s fair. Well, I mean, you also have the misuse of Muggle artifacts going on with these trash bins, so that would also be a reason for Arthur to go out. I was not on that episode where you discussed that chapter, but that’s no excuse. But thank you, Eric, for checking on that.

Eric: No, you’re good. I think the misuse of Muggle artifacts is a perfect reason, too, for Arthur to go, like you just said. And also, I hadn’t thought about one of the reasons that Arthur wants to head them off is because this could just make the Ministry look bad that an Auror is now out of control. Ex-Auror, but still, it falls under the continual slander that the government is having to fall under.

Micah: Sure. And that leads to my question about whether or not the story is even newsworthy to begin with, but first, we can talk about Rita and her journalistic competency, because she calls Arthur “Arnold” in the article.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Micah: So number one, she’s clearly not very good at her job. Number two, does she not have an editor that checks before it’s published that a Ministry official is named correctly?

Andrew: Well, and I can’t remember the exact context, but we were talking about this a few weeks ago: Are there editors at the Daily Prophet? And the answer clearly seems to be no. This is a huge mistake. It’s not like it was one time that the wrong name was used; the mistake is made multiple times throughout the article. It’s shocking to me that the Daily Prophet would not have editors. That’s just how a newspaper works. You have the journalists, you have editors, you have senior editors… these articles go through multiple hands. But not at the Daily Prophet, it seems. It just seems like a free-for-all.

Laura: Journalistic nightmare.

Andrew: It’s like a Tumblr.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: It’s like a bunch of different Harry Potter fan sites or something.

Eric: Well, I just think, too, at this point, she’s doing it on purpose. She has it out for… getting someone’s name wrong, the way that other… Bill a few weeks ago was maybe not named, but referred to as, what, a long-haired pillock? It’s just like she wants to characterize as negatively as possible. And I don’t know; something told me that getting Arthur’s name wrong is just another way to slight against him.

Laura: And it’s interesting because she just quoted him a couple chapters ago, in her article about “Mayhem at the Quidditch World Cup,” except she doesn’t name him there. So in that one she doesn’t name him, and this one, she gets his name wrong.

Micah: She doesn’t name him… right, yeah, exactly.

Eric: Maybe she’s just bad at names. [laughs]

Laura: Maybe.

Micah: Oh, that’s not an excuse.

Eric: She knows it’s a weakness of hers and so she tends to refer to them by descriptors that are very offensive, because it’s her Quick Quotes Quill writing it.

Laura: Oh, actually, I love that. That makes total sense.

Micah: So we’re blaming the quill.

Eric: Yeah, blame the quill.

Andrew: Eh, there still needs to be editors.

Laura: Oh, agreed. And I mean, let’s be clear – the quill is just an extension of Rita herself, so all of the ugly thoughts that come out of it are definitely her own.

Micah: So what do we make of the story, though? Do we think it’s newsworthy?

Andrew: Ehh…

Micah: Mad-Eye has done this before. This is not the first time this has happened.

Laura: Yeah, but he’s also getting ready to go be a teacher.

Andrew: Yes.

Laura: And Rita knows that a lot of these kids’ parents will read the Daily Prophet. They’ll be clamoring to get this article because they would presumably be concerned about a person like this teaching their children.

Andrew: And also, he’s in a tussle with Muggle policeman, which I don’t think is a good look. And I think that also makes it newsworthy; he’s potentially violating the International Statute of Secrecy.

Eric: That’s true. Yeah, that’s fair. I mean, given how closely the wizards have already gotten to that this year, it doesn’t… [laughs] and so egregiously. I mean, the thing for me, though, is that at the end of the day, this is Arthur’s everyday job. He’s in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office; anytime there’s a teacup that bites or a dustbin that comes after you, that’s his job: to go. And Rita seems to make a point about “several Muggle memories were modified before everything calmed down.” We know how liberal the wizards modify memories. That’s standard practice. That is standard operating procedure whenever Muggles are involved. The Accident Magical Reversal Squad… everybody just sets the Dursleys back up, they set all these Muggles back up, so it’s not even a point to say that, “Oh, they have to modify so many memories; they blundered this so badly.” It’s like, no, that’s just standard practice. And I bet Arthur more than most wizards is probably pretty good at it at this point.

Andrew: I’m also just thinking that deciding to run this story of Rita’s in the Prophet is almost a commentary on the poor decisions at all media outlets. I don’t care your political leanings, whatever media outlets you enjoy following; they pick stupid stories to cover a lot of the time. The New York Times recently did an article on the number of times Taylor Swift has appeared during football games, because she’s dating Travis Kelce. They’ve got more important things to cover around the world, but they choose to cover that. Newspapers make bad decisions a lot of the time.

Micah: True.

Eric: It’d just be like Rita Skeeter following one of us at our day jobs and trying to sensationalize our daily practice, a normal day at work.

Micah: I’m actually glad you said that, though, Eric, because I think the real question here is how did she get the scoop? Was she there in her human Rita Skeeter form? Or was she there in her Animagus form as a little beetle, under the lid of one of the dustbins or something like that?

Andrew: [laughs] I think once you get a taste of covering the news that way, you might get addicted to it.

Eric: I agree with that.

Andrew: If you’re spying to gather your scoops, why not use that method all the time? I mean, especially when you consider how hard it is to become an Animagus to begin with. You remember that long list of guidelines?

Eric and Laura: Oh, yeah.

Andrew: I’d be using it a lot.

Eric: She’s like, “I suffered for this!” [laughs]

Laura: I think we’re led to believe that anyone at the Ministry avoids her like the plague, so the only way for her to get close enough to get this story at this stage would be to be spying, because I don’t think anyone would willingly talk to her.

Eric: Also, well, any good investigative journalist has sources, too, to leak it to, so I think probably somebody in the Improper Use of Magic Office is on her payroll and can just give her a tip when this comes. But I think it does happen, because this is a continued campaign of hers to discredit the Ministry’s workings, and we’ve discussed before; she’s not entirely wrong or barking down the wrong tree in doing this, but this article is all fluff. There’s nothing to it, and it’s ridiculous.

Micah: So do we think it’s fair to say that we can add one to the Rita Spy count?

Eric: Ooh.

Laura: I would vote in favor of that.

Andrew: Yep, me too. Dun-da-dun-a-dunnn. That’s our sound effect.

Micah: Nice. You’re going to have to do that every time. Are you prepared?

Andrew: [laughs] That’s fine.

Laura: We have to get a sound effect of Miranda Richardson doing something. I don’t remember what her shtick was, but she had something. She had a laugh or something.

Eric: Yeah, I’ll go pull it from her 30 seconds of screen time.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Somebody who got plenty of screen time, Draco Malfoy. He doesn’t just stop at calling out Arnold Weasley in the Daily Prophet; he goes a step further and insults Ron’s mother upon seeing a picture of the Weasley family. I don’t know a nice way to say it, but he basically calls her fat and dumpy.

Eric: I mean, fat jokes? Really, Malfoy? Come on.

Laura: I mean, these are teenagers, and fat jokes and insults are the lowest hanging fruit they can reach for. This feels pretty in line with what I would expect from someone like him.

Andrew: And now, I know Draco started it, but Harry also has the line to him, “Keep your fat mouth shut, then,” so they’re both rolling around in the dirt with the same types of insults.

Eric: Kind of.

Micah: Well, he also insults Narcissa and he says basically, “Does she always look like she has poop under her nose? Or is it only when you’re around?”

Andrew: [laughs] Which is…

Eric: It’s a good comeback.

Andrew: See, that’s the face I make when I go past that Blast-Ended Skrewt at Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure…

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: … because it smells like gasoline, like Eric was saying. It is also interesting, that line that Harry says about Narcissa, because of what Narcissa gives him at the end of the series. I was like, “My, how times have changed.” [laughs]

Micah: It also does show how much of a mama’s boy Draco is, not only because of that, because I think there’s actually a mention at the start of the chapter about how Draco got his normal either sweets or treats from home, and we know Lucius is not sitting at home baking with an apron on; that it’s probably Narcissa sending it.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I was going to say it’s probably the house-elf, but Dobby is gone now.

Micah: Dobby is gone.

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Andrew: So Lucius took up cooking and baking.

Eric: Oh, man.

Micah: But you can see there is a close relationship between Narcissa and Draco, and to your point, Andrew, that’s the whole reason why at the end of the series she ultimately saves Harry. It’s because she knows that Draco is safe.

Eric: While an important relationship to keep track of, certainly, throughout the series, nothing excuses Draco’s behavior here. He insults Ron’s house. We’ve heard this all before. That’s the thing; we’ve just really heard it all before. Malfoy causes a scene again, and Harry didn’t go right to insulting Draco’s mother back. Harry is just trying to defend Ron. He’s trying to help Ron. He’s trying to make Ron feel better and show Ron that he’s protected.

Micah: And Draco was probably also lucky that Fred and George aren’t around at this moment either, because they probably would have been a lot more aggressive than Ron in this moment, even though Harry is holding Ron back.

Eric: And Hermione.

Micah: And Hermione, yeah.

Laura: Well, he’s being brave right now. He’s being bold because he thinks there’s no one around to serve him his just desserts, but boy is he wrong.

Micah: Yes, very wrong, because Draco tries to curse Harry with his back turned, and actually, it seems like he gets off a spell initially, right? Something goes past Harry’s ear. But then Mad-Eye Moody shows up and turns Draco into a ferret, which reading this back was probably one of the best adapted scenes from page to screen in this series. Brendan Gleeson does an amazing job as Mad-Eye in that moment. But yeah, Draco gets his comeuppance here a little bit.

Laura: He does. It’s so interesting to reread this and then compare it to the movie scene because I would argue the movie scene was very well adapted, but it was not nearly as violent as the scene in the book, where Moody is literally slamming ferret Draco into the ground repeatedly. In the movie, he just kind of bounces him around in the air.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah. Which is funny in and of itself, because from what I remember, Mad-Eye seems to be enjoying himself.

Laura: Yeah. He’s like a conductor, just waving his wand around.

Andrew: Yes. Doing his best John Williams.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: So this is important, though, I think, because Draco also has a comment to Moody after he finally gets transformed back by McGonagall, who steps in, and he mutters something about letting his father know about this, and Moody responds by saying, “I know your father of old, boy.” And we haven’t seen too much of this to date, but we know from having read the series that Lucius is not looked favorably upon by his fellow Death Eaters, especially those that went to Azkaban. So it’s kind of cool to look at this through the lens of Mad-Eye Moody talking, but it’s also fun to look at it through the lens of Barty Crouch, Jr. talking, who’s the actual person who is speaking here. So clearly, Barty does not like Lucius very much.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: We know that Barty went to Azkaban for being a Death Eater, and Lucius lied and said he was bewitched and didn’t, so I just love how many layers deep this animosity runs. And ultimately, I did look this up: Ferrets are related to weasels. They are weasels, basically. By transfiguring Draco, he calls him a weasel, essentially. He knows that this casting a spell while your opponent’s back is turned is without honor, and it’s so interesting to have Barty Crouch, Jr. be some kind of defender of honor here and the rightness of how magic should be done. It’s very interesting that he takes this moment and so aptly punishes Draco.

Laura: That is interesting. I feel like in a way he’s modeling himself after Voldemort, because Voldemort is horrible, but there are certain niceties that we’ve seen him exhibit.

Eric: Well, doesn’t he use that word? “The niceties must be observed,” and he forces Harry to bow?

Laura: Yes, 100%. Yeah, and even with Frank Bryce in the beginning of the book. I mean, it was cold and it was calculated and horrifying, but he didn’t go full Marvel supervillain in any of these scenes. He’s somebody who adheres to a certain social code of conduct to sort of, I think, smooth over interactions and allow him entry to a space, if that makes sense. And it feels like Barty is adopting that same approach here.

Micah: Yeah. And Eric, what you said about the ferret, too, made me think, was he also in a way making Draco a member of the Weasley family?

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: He’s like, “Okay, you’re…” Just hear me out. “You’re going to insult this family – talk about how poor they are, how they look, all these things – so I’m going to make you a member of the family by turning you into a ferret.”

Eric: It all happened so fast, it’s hard to really picture what was meant by this. But I mean, do we think that Draco deserved this? Because I can see where McGonagall is coming from.

Micah: Yeah, do we think it’s fair that Crouch did this in the first place?

Eric: Right.

Andrew: No. Well, I wanted to ask, does this raise any flags? McGonagall obviously reprimands Moody, but does it raise any other flags? Because I guess it would be out of the realm of possibility for them to imagine that Mad-Eye isn’t actually who they think he is, but I guess this also speaks to what they would expect of the real Mad-Eye, to have a moment of weakness.

Micah: Right, he’s a kook.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Eric: Well, because crucially, you’re not supposed to use – McGonagall says this – transfiguration as a form of punishment. It is only used instructively to teach, and there could be negative repercussions for doing such a thing. Maybe when you’re an Auror hunting a Death Eater, you might use transfiguration to slow them in their tracks, but it’s never, ever, ever supposed to be used in the manner in which he’s seeing him use it.

Andrew: Do they get a rule book when they when they start at Hogwarts? How to teach here at Hogwarts? “Don’t transfigure students, please”? [laughs]

Eric: Well, I like the idea that Moody is just edgy enough where he might have done it, right? And so that’s why he’s ultimately able to fly under the radar.

Andrew: [laughs] What a great hire.

Laura: I mean, listen…

Eric: [laughs] Listen, Dumbledore is really scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Laura: And we have to remember, this is the ’90s, y’all. I’m not saying that it was the wild west or anything, but the degree to which there are, I think, dedicated trainings for people coming into jobs now just looks very different than it did at this time. And we’ve also heard from listeners in the UK that a lot of the same social services systems that here in America we would expect to catch this kind of issue didn’t really exist in the same way at this period in time. Not to say they didn’t have them at all, but it’s just, I think, a different cultural approach to how these jobs are regarded and the autonomy that people in certain jobs have to do whatever they want.

Micah: Yeah, well, let’s not forget, we spent the first half of this discussion talking about qualifications of three different professors.

Laura: Right.

Micah: This is the fourth that we’re talking about. Is he actually qualified to be doing this job at Hogwarts?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I think he’s extremely qualified.

Micah: The other thing I think that’s fun to keep in mind about Moody as we read through this book is we don’t know what House he belongs to. It’s never been defined.

Eric and Laura: Ohh.

Micah: So when he does this, yes, it’s Barty Crouch, Jr., but Moody, is it from a place of Gryffindor? Ravenclaw? Hufflepuff? We don’t know.

Laura: He’s a Hufflepuff.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I think Moody is a Hufflepuff.

Micah: I don’t think he was in Slytherin; I’m going to go out on a limb there.

Eric: No, Tonks is a Hufflepuff, and Moody is reluctant to train her, so they can’t be from the same House.

Micah: But Eric, I thought you had a really good point here about this action by Barty Crouch, Jr. and what it actually means for all those that are witnessing what’s going on.

Eric: It’s good for Draco that this happens. Somebody needed to show him… I mean, think about the level of confidence whereby Draco calls this out in the Great Hall, ultimately just openly bullies Ron incessantly, makes all of these inappropriate cracks and things. The idea that he was stopped in his tracks, especially from cursing Harry… we don’t know what that curse was. We know that Malfoy already has used curses he shouldn’t have access to in school settings. I’m thinking the Dueling Club; those curses were way above what was allowed. So yeah, ultimately Draco needs to be told or shown that somebody is watching, that somebody is going to be there who is looking out for his behavior, because it’s nothing short of the complete absence of that, for the first four years of Draco’s schooling, that have allowed him to become this big of a bully and allowed him to conduct himself in this manner. So you need, I think, not to be transfigured as punishment and have your ribcage continually smashed against the ground, [laughs] but you need to be shown that somebody is actually watching and somebody is going to hold you to that level of decorum that we all say is there. But until it’s proven to be there, you can walk right over it roughshod, and that’s exactly what Malfoy has been doing, and I think that’s what he stops doing at this moment.

Micah: Right. Well, the point I really also like that you had was that it really builds trust with Harry.

Eric: Yeah, that’s the other aspect.

Micah: And that’s the more important piece of it, I think, too, is that now there’s…

Eric: Sorry, sorry. I was really passionate about how much Malfoy needed it.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: No, no, but now there’s a level of trust, presumably, between Barty Crouch, Jr. and Harry as a result of this.

Eric: Yep. Yeah, he won Harry over in three seconds flat. And I mean, there’s a lot to admire…

Micah: And other students probably too.

Eric: Yeah, there’s a lot to admire about it, his quickness, the way that he was… and I think the reason Draco’s spell missed Harry was because he literally was transformed as he was casting it, which, that shows the fastest reflex you could ever imagine, for coming across the Great Hall.

Micah: Yeah. Well, the chapter wraps up with Draco being taken to go see his Head of House, and he’s being taken there by Mad-Eye Moody, who refers to Snape as “Another old friend… I’ve been looking forward to a chat with old Snape.”

[Eric laughs]

Micah: So I’m curious, what do we imagine Barty wants to talk to Sev about? What do they want to catch up on?

Laura: Well, I mean, I think he knows that Voldemort met his downfall by pursuing information given to him by Snape, so I could see Barty wanting to use the perception or the figure of Moody, somebody who was hunting people like him down back when he was a Death Eater… I think he wants to use that as an intimidation factor to get back at Snape, to show him, “I’m watching you too. You don’t know who I am, you don’t know who I really am, but I’m somebody that you would already expect to be watching you, so it’s not suspect that I’m here.” He has the perfect cover in so many ways.

Eric: I still wouldn’t risk it, though. I feel like Snape is the one person you really can’t pull too much double agenting on, because Snape is acting as a double agent so often. And I feel like Moody, who’s secretly Barty Crouch, Jr. so he’s secretly a Death Eater that doesn’t like Snape, but he could be a Death Eater that likes Snape and wants more info about Voldemort, and then he could be Mad-Eye, who’s not inclined to like Snape for his Death Eater past… it’s just so many levels. Stay away. I don’t think Barty Crouch should say anything to Snape, because you risk blowing one or both of their cover. I feel like it’d be easier to hoodwink Dumbledore and pretend you’re his old friend Alastor Moody than it would be to fool Snape.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I almost wouldn’t pull that thread at all. If he does, he’s got real kahunas.

Micah: Well, let’s not forget how good of a Legilimens Snape is as well, right?

Eric: Yeah. He would sense something is off.

Micah: I really liked that. I think that Snape should actually be very careful around somebody like Barty Crouch, Jr., and vice versa, for that matter. But yeah, the chapter wraps up, really, with Moody endearing himself to Harry on a number of levels, right? He insults Lucius, he turns Draco into a ferret, and as readers, we love the fact he’s about to go toe to toe with Snape. So like, who doesn’t love this guy?

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Micah: And he’s talked up, actually, a lot at the end of the chapter, right? We hear Fred and George talking about the lesson, like, “He’s the real deal,” basically. So I’m sure we’re going to have a lot of fun with his first class in the next chapter.

Eric: Yeah.


Odds & Ends


Micah: All right, so a few odds and ends here. Foreshadowing the future romantic relationship between Ron and Lavender Brown – this is in Divination – Ron asks, “Can I have a look at Uranus, too, Lavender?”

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: [sighs] Micah.

Eric: Foreshadow alert!

[Foreshadowing sound effect plays]

Micah: You know it wasn’t there by accident, right?

Andrew: I think Micah is cuckoo.

Micah: I think J.K. Rowling is cuckoo for putting that in there. We also get a couple mentions of Hermione sneaking off to the library, so what is she up to?

Andrew: Yeah. And jumping back to Ron and his humor for a moment, Ron is generally pretty funny, and one joy of rereading these books is being reminded of that, because they kind of wash that out in the movies. But I wanted to highlight some choice comments in this chapter just to celebrate how funny he is. First passage:

“‘You’re eating again, I notice,’ said Ron, watching Hermione adding liberal amounts of jam to her toast too.

‘I’ve decided there are better ways of making a stand about elf rights,’ said Hermione haughtily.

‘Yeah… and you were hungry,’ said Ron.”

Next line:

“They sat down at the Gryffindor table and helped themselves to lamb chops and potatoes. Hermione began to eat so fast that Harry and Ron stared at her.

‘Er – is this a new stand on elf rights?’ said Ron. ‘You’re going to make yourself puke instead?'”

[laughs] And then at the end of the chapter, this passage:

“‘Don’t talk to me,’ Ron said quietly to Harry and Hermione as they sat down at the Gryffindor table a few minutes later, surrounded by excited talk on all sides about what had just happened.’ [whispers] With Draco.

‘Why not?’ said Hermione in surprise.

‘Because I want to fix that in my memory forever,’ said Ron. ‘Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret…'”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: He was making me chuckle this chapter.

Laura: For sure.


MVP of the Week


Andrew: Time for MVP of the week.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: I’m going to give it to Harry, for when Draco was making fun of Ron and Harry lobs the insult, “Get stuffed, Malfoy.”

Eric: [laughs] I’m giving my MVP of the week to Mad-Eye Fakey, because he’s so excellently in character.

Laura: Actually, to your point, Andrew, I’m giving mine to Ron. I feel like his humor gets overshadowed by the twins.

Andrew: Good point.

Laura: And because of the way that he’s written in the movies – and I love Rupert Grint; he’s a perfect Ron – but I think that we tend to forget that he’s a funny character.

Micah: And I’m going to give it to Professor Vector for giving no homework.

[Eric mocks a sigh of relief]

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: And this is especially important because it’s coming from Hermione, who is making fun of Harry and Ron for still being in Divination and having, I don’t know, some ridiculous amount of homework that Trelawney gave them.

Andrew: We love hearing from listeners after you listen to each episode, so if you have any feedback you’d like to share, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that’s recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. Next week on the show, we’ll discuss Chapter 14 of Goblet of Fire, “The Unforgivable Curses,” but that’s not all, because later this week, we’re going to have a new bonus MuggleCast out on Apple Podcasts through MuggleCast Gold, and through our Patreon. Micah, what will we be talking about in bonus MuggleCast this week?

Micah: We’ll be talking about the Harry Potter Studio Tour at Leavesden Studios just outside of London. I was there a couple of weeks ago and had a really great time, so I’m looking forward to all the questions that you guys put together.

Andrew: So thanks to everybody who supports us; we couldn’t do this without you. We really appreciate your financial support. We also appreciate when you share the show with a friend, rate and review us… any way you can help us thrive and grow is greatly appreciated. Now it’s time for Quizzitch.


Quizzitch


[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question was: What is the trio’s first class of their fourth Hogwarts year? Well, despite being titled “Mad-Eye Moody,” this chapter does not have Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson in it. That’s the next one. I fooled about eight people with that little reference last week, so I’m pretty happy about it. The correct answer was Herbology, and correct answers were submitted by Ashley Rose Tobin-Hill, Brennan, Zach Brennan, CJ, Elizabeth K., Hannah H., Hugh J., Jason K. (a.k.a. Buff Daddy), Jenna, Josephine, JOSIE AUGUST PROTESTS FOR NICKNAMES, LC, Lucille Cartwright, Mae, Margaret Eleanor, Meaghan Clark, Molly, Neil Down, and Robbie. Ahh, wasn’t it so nice to hear everyone’s real government names, everybody?

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: It sure was.

Laura: Eh.

Eric: I feel like I got through 30 of them in just a short amount of time.

Micah: I don’t think Buff Daddy is a government name. I’d be very surprised if that were true.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: It was “a.k.a.” so they did put the username that way.

Micah: I don’t know.

Eric: And people are still trying to game the system, because certain names that seem like real names, if you really look at them, fall apart. Barry Obama. Hello. Do we think former President Barack Obama has submitted to Quizzitch?

Micah: I don’t know.

Andrew: He’s got kids; he probably read them Harry Potter. Maybe he’s a MuggleCast listener. He had a hard eight years; maybe he just wants to relax with some Harry Potter analysis.

Laura: And you never know. Barack Obama follows me on Twitter – or formerly known as Twitter, now known as X – so maybe.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Did you tweet last week about the Quizzitch question?

Laura: Not that I remember, but I’ll have to go check on that. [laughs]

Eric: All right. Well, we also got an answer from Taylor Alison Swift. I doubt it.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: You never know.

Eric: Thank you all for submitting your regular names for this month. I love that. Okay, here’s next week’s Quizzitch question: What is Lavender showing Parvati in DADA that gets her scolded by Mad-Eye? Is it Uranus? Submit your correct answer to us on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav bar.

Andrew: You can also go to MuggleCast.com for transcripts, social media links, our full episode archive, our Wall of Fame, which features our favorite episodes, and of course, we’ve got a contact form there. Lots more, too, on MuggleCast.com, so be sure to check that all out. Also, just one more reminder: If you want to support us, but maybe not through Apple Podcasts or Patreon, you can visit our Etsy store where you can buy many cool MuggleCast items from Patreon years past, like the Cozy Comfy Combo Pack, which is the beanie and the socks at one reduced price. They’re really nice; don’t miss out. MuggleMillennial.etsy.com is where you can find that, or you can buy the beanie and the socks separately. We also have signed album art signed by all four of us, we also have T-shirts, and we also have a car, a MuggleCast Sweet 16 car inspired by the Ford Anglia that you can also purchase. We’ve all put them together. Micah is showing it off on camera now. MuggleMillennial.etsy.com. Patrons, by the way, right now have special access to a free shipping offer now through January 31. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everybody.

Laura and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #642

 

MuggleCast 642 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #642, Mad-Eye Fakey (GOF Chapter 12, The Triwizard Tournament)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the Wizarding World fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Grab your galoshes and some treacle tart…

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: … and treat yourself to the rainy Sorting ceremony of the 1994 school year at Hogwarts, because this week we’re discussing Chapter 12 of Goblet of Fire, “The Triwizard Tournament.” Will somebody sing the song today? This year’s Sorting Hat song? We’ll find out. Micah, I’m going to make you do it. Oh, look, Micah is back. Welcome back from Europe, Micah.

Micah: [laughs] Thank you, it’s great to be back. I thought Ning Xi did an amazing job; I listened to last week’s episode. She was fantastic, so I appreciate that you get quality guests to replace me while I’m not here.

Andrew: Micah privately messaged me earlier in the week and said, “The guest was great this week,” and I said, “Is this a joke about the sound effect that we played of you going ‘choo-choo’?”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Guest Micah?

Andrew: “Or did you really mean Ning Xi?” And he meant Ning Xi. But yeah, I never know with Micah; he’s a little trickster. So that was actually… your trip last week was your first time to England, which surprised me. And you got up to some Harry Potter stuff, right?

Micah: Yeah, I did. So I travelled over to Europe, initially for work, so I was in Paris. And then I took the train from Paris to London after that was all over with, and yeah, it was my first time there. And I will say, I did listen to MuggleCast, and I timed it pretty well . It ended the episode – so it wasn’t last week’s episode, but the episode before – as I was pulling into St. Pancras, which is the station that the Eurostar goes into, which is also right across the street from King’s Cross.

Laura: Ahh.

Andrew: That’s pretty cool.

Micah: So it was a nice little, yeah, bit of nostalgia there. And I was able to go over to the Harry Potter Studio Tour. First off, huge thanks to the folks over there because I tried to get tickets back in November for January and everything was sold out, and I reached out to them and they were nice enough to provide tickets to go to the Studio Tour.

Eric: That’s cool.

Andrew: Awesome.

Micah: And then MinaLima, I was able to stop by their little pop-up shop there. Very cool.

Eric: Okay, now I’m jealous.

Micah: May or may have not picked up a few things for you guys.

[Andrew gasps]

Eric and Laura: Aww.

Micah: May or may not. And then also did the official King’s Cross photoshoot. They do have one at the Studio Tour that you can do, but I figured I needed to actually go to Platform Nine and Three Quarters. So it was a great weekend in London. One of my good friends who used to work at the NBA, his wife got a job in London, so I stayed with them while I was there. Did a lot of traditional touristy things. A lot of pubs, a lot of beers, fish and chips…

[Eric laughs]

Micah: But the Studio Tour was amazing. I know, Eric, you and Andrew have been, right?

Andrew and Eric: Yes.

Andrew: It’s wonderful. It’s amazing. And I think you’re going to do a bonus MuggleCast on our Patreon and Apple Podcasts about the Studio Tour, right? And anything else you got up to?

Micah: Yeah, so any questions you have, fire away on that bonus MuggleCast.

Eric: There was one other location that you visited in the UK, which is forever tied with Harry Potter, though, and you sent us a picture of it. It was the Waterstones Piccadilly Circus.

Andrew and Laura: Oh.

Eric: So now all four of us have been to that bookstore in London.

Andrew: I thought the picture you were referring to was the one of the guy in the bar, who Micah texted us and was like, “This guy looks like Dumbledore.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: And we were like, “Micah, you’re taking a picture of a stranger in a public place? That’s a little strange.” [laughs]

Micah: He was fine with it. I gave him a couple pounds and he went on his way.

Andrew: Oh, okay.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: I bought him a beer.

Laura: There you go. Same thing.

Andrew: I do have one other question for you for now, though. You went to the real King’s Cross; you did the official Platform Nine and Three Quarters thing. Did you throw yourself at the wall?

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Micah: So it’s very interesting, the way that they have it set up there, in that it’s a full production. They have people who are there who take you through the different poses that you should do, and they have somebody putting the scarf around you, flipping the scarf so that they get it at just the right moment.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: They tell you how to stand if you’re with somebody, that you can pick a couple different poses to do, so I mean, I’m assuming maybe I could have done that. But they definitely have it down to a science.

Eric: I can’t believe the production of this now, because for many years, it was not even roped off. It was in a public train station, and I guess as influence grow, as the popularity of the books grow, to find out they now employ people to toss your scarf for a photo is just completely…

Andrew: [laughs] What a job.

Eric: I mean, yeah, scarf tosser at the official… I know there’s an official store in the building now. There for many years was not.

Micah: That was temporarily closed. The store was closed.

Eric: Ooh.

Micah: There must be renovations going on. But the actual photo area, it’s a whole production; I literally probably waited in line for an hour.

Andrew: What?!

Micah: And I said to my friend, I’m like, “Are you sure you want to wait in this?”

Andrew: [laughs] I would have said no.

Micah: Yeah, I was almost… I’m like, “I’m ready to go.” They’re like, “No, no, no, you came all this way. You need to do this.”

Andrew: Oh, that’s nice of him.

Laura: That’s true, halfway around the world. I’m going to echo Eric here because Eric and I actually went to Platform Nine and Three Quarters in 2007 and took some pics, and I’m listening, Micah, to you describing this wonderful experience and thinking, “Was that like, a random Thursday? And these people were just off, I guess?” They weren’t doing the whole production. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, when Laura and I went in 2007, there was just a sign saying “Platform Nine and Three Quarters,” from what I remember.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Well, in the commercial age of 2024, I think Warner Bros. figured out that, “Hey, we can make some money off of this if we station a few people here.” And then you can take your own photos, certainly, if you want to, but they do professional photos there and I got a couple of those. And four photos for £20, not a bad deal.

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: I guess not.

Laura: Well, this also means that all four of us have pictures of ourselves at Platform Nine and Three Quarters at this point, so I’m wondering if we should dig those up for a social moment.

Andrew: I don’t know if I’ve been to the real one, actually. I went to the one at the Studio Tour.

Laura: Really?

Andrew: Yeah, really.

Laura: No way.

Andrew: Way.

Laura: Oh my gosh. You’re not a real fan!

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: I’m going to call up Micah’s friend and see if he wants to wait in line for an hour with me to take this photo. [laughs]

Micah: Well, no, what he’ll do is… you just call him when you’re 15 minutes out from actually getting up to the front, and then I’m sure he’ll come take the photo for you.

Andrew: Good call. So really quick question and then we can move on: your whole photo experience, once you got through the hour wait, how long were they taking pictures of you?

Micah: A couple minutes, maybe?

Andrew: Okay. Wow, that’s a pop-click.

Micah: Yeah, it’s very quick. I mean, it has to be, because there’s so many people there, and I don’t even know how late they stay open, to be honest with you. Because I was wondering… this was on a Sunday; it was probably around six o’clock in the evening at this time.

Andrew: Wow. Oh my gosh.

Micah: But it’s got to be a pretty decent moneymaker for them.

Andrew: Yeah, sounds like it. Geez. All right, so Micah will discuss that more in bonus MuggleCast in the next couple of weeks. Bonus MuggleCast is part of MuggleCast Gold on Apple Podcasts, and it’s also available through Patreon.com/MuggleCast. You get two bonus MuggleCast installments every month, and in our latest bonus episode, we discussed new Harry Potter video games that could be in the pipeline and our wishes for Hogwarts Legacy. Speaking of ways to support us, you can also visit our Etsy store where you can buy many cool MuggleCast items, like the Comfy Cozy Combo Pack, which are our beanie and socks at one reduced price. We also have the wooden cars you can build, we have T-shirts, and more. MuggleMillennial.etsy.com is where you can find those. Tuition at Hogwarts might be free, but running this show is not, so we appreciate your support very much. Thank you in advance, no matter how you support us.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: And without further ado, let’s get into Chapter by Chapter, and we’re discussing Goblet of Fire Chapter 12, “The Triwizard Tournament.” And we’ll start as always with our Seven-Word Summary. Micah is fresh off his break, so he gets to go first.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Micah: Thunderstorms…

Laura: … announce…

Andrew: … the…

Eric: … arrival…

Andrew: … of…

Laura: … Mad-Eye… does that count as a word? I think in American English, it does.

Andrew: Yeah, there’s a hyphen.

Laura: Yep. [laughs]

Micah: … Fakey.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Oh, I love that. I love it.

Eric: Well, that’s wonderful. “Mad-Eye Fakey” is what we now have to call him.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: “Fake Moody” is the more popular term, but “Mad-Eye Fakey” now is definitely going to grow on me.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Eric: So it is the beginning of the 1994 school year, Harry’s fourth year at Hogwarts. And going back to this book, now that we are all adults, I’m sure that this chapter stands out among many as being just one large security nightmare, and in this case, not just school security; we’re talking about people’s personal security, personal safety. And this whole chapter – we’ve mentioned the rain – but it’s one big hazard, and there was no way we were going to get through this chapter in this day and age and not talk about all the crazy security concerns just right out the gate. First of all, Harry boarded the carriages at the end of the last chapter with the trio, and all the students of years two through seven are on a nice covered carriage ride into the school. However, as we know, first-year students take a slightly different approach to the castle, and they go by boat. Why were the boat rides to the castle not canceled this year? The weather is so bad, it’s compared to a gale, and everyone is soaked, everyone is wet, everyone is miserable. I think it might be… I mean, Ron says the lake might overflow.

Andrew: Welcome to Hogwarts. It’s time to grow a tough skin.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: They’re trying to toughen these kids up right out of the gate.

Eric: Oh my – can they swim?

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: I agree, Andrew. Suck it up, buttercup.

Eric: Harry’s first welcome letter didn’t say “All first-year students must know how to swim.”

Micah: That’s rite of passage. That’s what it comes down to, is this is how first years arrive to Hogwarts every year. Weather does not matter. This is part of the pomp and circumstance, the arrival of the students to Hogwarts. If it’s raining, too bad.

Andrew: And then you look back several years later, maybe when you’re leaving Hogwarts, “Oh, remember that time, Micah, our first year on the boats and it was raining so hard? Ahaha, good times. That was a core memory for us at Hogwarts, that and Voldemort’s return and all kinds of things. So many core memories.”

Eric: I feel like it’s one thing to say yes, it’s obviously something they’re going to make a new memory that the students will remember, be memorable forever, and then there’s the… can’t they just come back the next day and do that? Because I’m pretty sure…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Honestly, you know who’s watching them and safely ferry them across the lake? Hagrid. Hagrid is not only not a proper wizard, but I don’t know…

Laura: Ooh.

Eric: No, he can’t do magic to save them if something were to go wrong. And I don’t even know if he’s trained in CPR. When does that come up in the books?

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: I don’t even know if he knows how to swim. That’s probably the bigger issue.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: I wouldn’t want him giving CPR to me. He’s a half-giant, I’m a measly weak human, he’ll break me in half if he tries to push on my chest.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yeah, we all love the boat ride to Hogwarts on a clear night. I feel like they just, this time, should have either given more carriages to the students, or at least had some kind of drying charm put on them in the Entrance Hall. We’ll get to Peeves in a minute. But McGonagall is always responsible for ferrying the kids, or shepherding the kids into the school, into the Sorting ceremony. All of these kids come into the Great Hall soaked. Why wasn’t there something set up whereby there would be a drying charm applied to everybody? These kids are already scared; now they’re going to be…

Micah: Eric, this is preparation for life, okay?

Eric: For life.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Life isn’t all rainbows and sunshine.

Eric: It’s hazing! It’s Hogwarts’s hazing ritual.

Laura: Listen…

Andrew: It’s also baby Voldemorts and Horcruxes and dead kids and Triwizard Tournaments.

Laura: I was going to say, this just seems like great preparation for what’s going to come this year and also great preparation for what’s going to come in three years’ time.

Eric: I mean, a small consolation, I guess? It’s just, if the students’ comfort and safety was anyone’s concern, McGonagall or Flitwick would be there with Pepperup Potion, a warm coat, or something dry, or would be able to dry them…

Laura: And to your point, Eric, this is a question I had, exactly what you brought up. Why wasn’t a drying charm used here? Because these kids are shivering in the Great Hall, Dennis Creevey is having to wear Hagrid’s giant moleskin overcoat, Harry literally pours water out of his shoe when he sits down… it’s a little bit ridiculous. Like, okay, I get it; y’all are trying to make an impression on these first years, but come on.

Andrew: Justin, who’s listening live on our Patreon right now, does bring up the astute point that they have a lot of fireplaces at Hogwarts. So you cozy up to a fireplace and you dry off that way; that’s a nice dry heat for you to dry off real quick. But there is one hero in all of this.

Eric: Okay.

Andrew: Well, the giant squid.

Eric: Yeah! Well, and it’s a good thing, too, because if the kids can’t swim, and if Hagrid can’t swim, your only protection is this mythical cryptid creature that once a year rears its head above and makes an appearance in the book; apparently knows the situation. The giant squid has a read on how dangerous this all is, and probably makes himself available every September the first to give a gentle nudge to any kid who falls in.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I mean, that’s why the squid is there; Dumbledore employs him as a last ditch effort so the kids don’t drown.

Laura: Where was the squid during the Battle of Hogwarts in Book 7? That’s what I want to know now. He comes in so handy here. Comes in clutch, like, one time.

Eric: Maybe he was hibernating, or he was saving somebody else in a different hemisphere.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: It does make you wonder, though, does the squid serve any other purpose? Or does Dumbledore like having the squid there solely for the purpose of potentially kicking a kid out of the water when they accidentally fall in? Because I never really thought of why the squid is there to begin with, ever, but this sort of answers that question.

Laura: I mean, maybe it was there first.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: And the squid was like, “Look, I don’t like you’re building a castle here, but I will act as lifeguard should any of these kids fall in.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Well, it’s funny because last week, we were talking about Amos Diggory getting some toast, and I think Fred and George feed the squid some toast, which is why…

Laura: That’s true.

Eric: Or it might be Lee Jordan. But at some point, feeding the squid toast is something in Hogwarts Legacy that you do if you’re… is it in Ravenclaw?

Micah: Slytherin.

Eric: Slytherin challenge, okay. Anyway, that’s all very funny. Honestly, the presence of the giant squid, I always thought, was just a joke to the wizarding world, the fact that until 2004 or 2006 the squid was legitimately not proven to exist, the giant squid. They eventually did find… I think one washed up on the shore. But it was a rumored mythical beast, and so like every other rumored mythical beast, J.K. Rowling is writing the book series and she’s like, “I’m going to put that at Hogwarts.” It’s a very fun joke.

Micah: I like it. I mean, we’re going to also talk about someone, something, that comes with the castle, right, in Peeves. Why not…? As Laura said, the giant squid also comes with the territory.

Eric: I’m glad you mentioned that, Micah; it’s a perfect transition into adding insult to injury, which seems to be Peeves’s whole role. [laughs] Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who took the dry way… they took the dry route in…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … still nevertheless wind up rained on. And they come in, and just as Ron is enjoying looking up and all of that, who should throw a water balloon at them but Peeves the poltergeist, who is as unfunny as ever, and yeah, just throwing water bombs. And when confronted by McGonagall, he says, “Not doing nothing; they’re already wet, aren’t they?” And I’m like, “Come on, man.” This is utterly crazy.

Andrew: What’s so interesting, though, is that apparently, they have really little control over him at Hogwarts.

Eric: What surprises me – and something that I forgot about reading this chapter the first time – is that his motives are actually completely explained in this chapter. Little later on when they’re at the feast, Nearly Headless Nick actually offers some keen insight into why Peeves is acting out, and it’s actually because he had wanted to attend the feast, and we’ll get into that a little bit more later. But even given that bit of information, can we still forgive Peeves? And at this point, I mean, everyone’s recourse is always “I’ll tell Dumbledore, I’ll tell the Bloody Baron,” who both keep him in check, but is that really enough? At this point, shouldn’t we be taking a harder line with Peeves?

Laura: Yeah, as in not letting him remain in the castle?

Eric: Pretty much.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, for sure.

Eric: Let him be somebody else’s problem.

Andrew: But can they get rid of them? They can’t.

Laura: Yeah, I don’t think they can. And I was doing some thinking about this, and I think Micah actually has a canon-based answer to this, so I’ll throw it to him in a moment. But I think part of the reason – this is my headcanon – part of the reason they can’t get rid of him is poltergeists are long thought to be entities that feed off of emotional or stressful energy. And there actually have been psychological studies done into the phenomena of poltergeists, and there is a correlation – in some cases I think it’s maybe somewhat flimsy; I guess it depends on if you believe in poltergeists as a phenomenon – but a correlation is drawn between these assumed poltergeist disturbances and the presence of pubescent children. The thought is that teenagers and preteens are going through so much mental, social, physiological change in such a short period of time, that they manifest a particular type of almost chaotic energy that draws a poltergeist to them. So if we go along this line of thinking, Hogwarts being full of a bunch of teenagers is like a feeding ground for something like Peeves.

Andrew: He’s living.

Laura: Yeah!

Eric: So what does he have to be sad about?

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Micah: I don’t think he is sad. He’s living his best life.

Laura: No, I don’t think he’s sad.

Eric: I think he is sad, though, because he wanted to be part of the feast, and they just flat out didn’t even give him a chance.

Micah: Well, that also just begs the question for me, how are they able to keep him out?

Andrew: Right.

Micah: So you have this council, but presumably… we know from J.K. Rowling that Peeves is this indestructible spirit of chaos, going off of what Laura just described, and she said that he came with the building, so he was part of the deal when the founders or whomever decided to build Hogwarts. And over the years, there were many attempts to remove him, but nothing ever worked, and she even went on to say that Dumbledore himself could not remove Peeves if he wanted to. So if you’re Peeves… I know he’s intimidated by the Bloody Baron; that’s mentioned a couple of times in the series. But if he did want to go into the Great Hall, what’s stopping him? Because it’s not like there’s any retribution that he’s going to suffer as a result of doing that. And I would even argue that he might be on better behavior in the Great Hall, because he seems to have a little bit of respect for Dumbledore and maybe some for McGonagall; we see a little bit of that in this chapter. So I think the wrong decision was made. Peeves should have been allowed to be in the Great Hall.

Eric: It’s so interesting, too, because I’m pretty sure this is the only mention of the Ghosts Council. But the idea that they knew this was coming and met, and there was basically a character trial held on behalf of Peeves, who wanted to attend this feast… I’m kind of sad for Peeves, but that doesn’t excuse what he’s doing to these kids. If pneumonia were a thing in the wizarding world, they would absolutely all catch it.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Every single one of these students, drenched, and not dried off by any one of the qualified wizards that are in this building.

Micah: So are we to assume it was a three-to-one vote? Because we’re told that the Fat Friar was okay with it. So the other three voted against, presumably?

Eric: Yeah, the Fat Friar, it is said, decided that he deserved a chance, which is a very Hufflepuff thing to do.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Because he has to prove that he can behave. And Helena Ravenclaw was probably just going off of past offenses, because Peeves has never proved himself to be well behaved at anything, so she’s taking the logic approach. And the Bloody Baron was like, “No, we’re not going to give it a chance at all.” So I don’t know. If I were Peeves, I’d feel really dejected. Almost prejudged.

Andrew: Might you feel peeved about it?

Eric: I would feel a little peeved, yeah. How about you guys?

Andrew: Hmm. Yeah, I’d feel peeved too.

Laura: I just don’t know how any of it’s enforceable. I just don’t think it is. And I think probably Helena Ravenclaw, who has been there the longest of most of the ghosts… she’s been there basically since Hogwarts was founded, so if anyone has any perspective on Peeves, it’s her and the Bloody Baron because they were both there.

Eric: That’s such a good point.

Laura: So I could see them being like, “This is a waste of time to even debate this. There’s nothing to be done about it.”

Eric: Yeah. Well, it still just boggles the mind that they are allowing all of these students to remain wet.

Laura: Agreed.

Andrew: [laughs] That’s Eric’s main frustration in this chapter.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: You ever step in a puddle, Andrew? You’re already getting rained on…

Andrew: Yeah. Right.

Eric: … and you’re stepping off a curb and all of a sudden your foot sinks all the way in and you’re like, “Great, I didn’t pack an extra pair of socks today”? It’s that. Peeves is that. And coupled with all the other security overlooks, oversights, that have happened so far in this book from all of the adults in the wizarding world, I certainly have zero confidence – of course, knowing what happens – but zero confidence this year that there’s going to be any safety for anyone. Nobody is safe.

Andrew: I’m also wondering what else this Hogwarts Ghost Council decides? Because I would like to hear more from them. Like, what ghost puns to make around the kids each year?

Eric: Ohh.

Andrew: Do they just make plans for each other’s deathday parties? What exactly is going on with this Ghost Council? It’s a pretty cool organization. The Hogwarts Ghost Council; that on its face sounds pretty badass.

Micah: Oh, you need a T-shirt, Andrew.

Andrew: [laughs] Hogwarts Ghosts Council. And people are like, “I don’t get it. What is that?” “Oh, remember in Goblet of Fire Chapter 12 when it came up that one time? Yeah, that’s what this is a reference to.”

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Yeah. I mean, presumably they manage ghosts affairs at Hogwarts. I always thought there were more ghosts at Hogwarts than just the House heads. Definitely in the movies, there are unnamed ghosts.

Andrew: Yeah. I can see that being canon in the books too. With how big the school is, with how old the school is.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: And Moaning Myrtle is there too. So presumably, they rule…

Micah: Oh, did she vote?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Did she vote? Yeah, for or against Peeves?

Andrew: I’m going to guess against.

Laura: I mean, I doubt they invited her, to be honest.

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Eric: That’s sad.

Laura: Maybe I’m being too negative this episode, but I cannot see anyone in any position of power at Hogwarts taking the Ghost Council seriously.

Andrew: Aww.

Laura: It honestly feels like something that Nearly Headless Nick came up with to kind of give himself the feeling of importance, because he already feels so disregarded in so many other ways that we’ve already talked about. I just think there’s a reason that we only hear about it once, and it’s because they don’t exactly move the needle.

Eric: This is profoundly sad.

Laura: I’m sorry.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: They don’t move the needle. Is that because they could try and move the needle, but their hand would pass through it?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah.

Eric: Aww.

Andrew: I guess when they’re that old, that’s irrelevant. They just need something to do. It’s kind of like activities at an old person’s home, like a nursing home. They have cute bingo activities and stuff just to keep them busy.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: The Ghost Council is just to keep them a little busy, keep their brains working; that’s healthy for them.

Eric: This has gone far enough.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: I’m going to go ahead and say I think that Dumbledore empowered the ghosts to have this Ghost Council, because we know that it’s wrong for humans to manage the affairs with any authority or presumed authority of nonhumans, right? So the house-elves should rule their own, right? And the ghosts should be able to rule their own, and the goblins should be able to manage their own, and I think that that’s in line with the expectation here. So Dumbledore could probably trap Peeves magically in some kind of something; he’s that strong a wizard. And it’s been done before; Remus Lupin cast a spell on Peeves that hit him and annoyed him a little bit and got him to go away. But ultimately, they’re going to leave it up to the Ghost Council because that’s what’s right.

Micah: But doesn’t Peeves add a certain level of character to Hogwarts?

Andrew: And that’s why Dumbledore likes him there.

Laura: Exactly.

Micah: I think Dumbledore does like Peeves. I wouldn’t be surprised if they hang out from time to time in Dumbledore’s office and just…

Andrew: [laughs] Play catch?

Micah: No, just catch up. Make fun of people. Because you know Dumbledore loves the drama; we say this all the time.

Eric: Yeah. No, I agree. I just think on this particular rainy, soggy September the first, it goes too far. And definitely once…

Micah: But that’s the whole point, though. It’s the opening ceremony. Why not show all of what Hogwarts has to offer to these first-year students inside of the Great Hall?

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Let Peeves make an appearance.

Andrew: This is what you got into, y’all. Take it or leave it. You can leave right away if you want, but now you know this is what to expect daily at Hogwarts.

Eric: All right, so I believe that should cover the whole safety and health aspect of this chapter at least, but there’s plenty more to come. And it is noted that this is actually the first Sorting ceremony that Harry is able to attend since his own, which is very exciting. And in the book it says a series of unfortunate circumstances led to that being the case. We know in their second year, there was the flying car incident; they arrived late. And in the third year, Harry passes out from the Dementor and has to go straight to the hospital wing and misses the Sorting. So anyway, we get a full view of the Sorting from Harry’s perspective. He’s, of course, already Sorted, so he’s seated at the Gryffindor table. And one thing that I really liked is that Harry seems to really take a vested interest in the students being Sorted, and this, to me, speaks to Harry’s character in a really special way. He seems to care about these kids, not just because they’re shaking and trembling and remind him of himself and might catch frostbite or pneumonia at any moment, but because he cares about Hogwarts. It’s school pride to see other students join your House.

Andrew: Yeah, I think that’s exactly right. And I got the same impression as you, Eric; it was really sweet to see Harry have this type of reaction because he clearly loves Hogwarts, and I think it’s very exciting to enjoy a new live performance from the Sorting Hat. I guess the impression we can take away from the entire series is that the Sorting Hat really does come up with a new song every year, and with how old Hogwarts and the Sorting Hat is, that’s really impressive.

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: So to get a one and done performance from the Sorting Hat, that’s really special. I would love to be there just for that alone.

Eric: Andrew, you’ve convinced me that there’s now a monetary value to those Sorting songs. This is a one and done performance; you’ve got to attend.

Andrew: Yeah. But no tickets are sold, evidently. They should. Hogwarts should sell tickets every year. A limited batch, like, 40. You get to sit along the fireplaces drying off.

Eric: I like that. I like it a lot.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Do you think someone somewhere is transcribing what the Sorting Hat says each year and there’s a book?

Andrew: Yeah, a writer for the Harry Potter Wiki probably does that.

Eric: Well, that would be an idea there, because we know that the Sorting Hat has some pretty important politics. The later songs, especially next year’s, really start talking about cooperation and inclusion. I’m actually surprised that that was devoid of the whole thing this year, that there weren’t really many anything about inclusion, given the international nature of this year’s festivities.

Andrew: Ohh.

Eric: But one thing I asked was, okay, Harry is excited, but would you guys be as excited for this to happen? And Micah seems to have indicated… Micah, would you get bored by this point in the series?

Micah: Well, if I went to Hogwarts, I don’t think I would get bored hearing the Sorting Hat every year, especially if he has a new song to sing. But as readers, I think if we had to go through the Sorting every single year, that would get a little bit boring.

Andrew: The Sorting part or the song part? I don’t think we should mix the two, because I think the song is exciting.

Micah: The Sorting part.

Andrew: Yeah, the Sorting part is a bore. [laughs]

Micah: Nobody cares where Bob Smith is going this year.

Andrew: Right. Sorry, Bob Smith. I hope there’s a listener out there named Bob Smith. [laughs] Write in if you’re out there.

Micah: Nobody cares where Justin Sharkey is getting Sorted this year.

Eric: Wow.

Andrew and Laura: Ouch.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: One of our longtime listeners. Mean.

Eric: Justin, don’t send us your hate on the Discord. We’re sorry.

Micah: Just send it to me. He was just the first name that I saw.

Laura: [laughs] It’s okay. I’m sure he loved it. Anyway, I do wonder if with the show coming up on Max eventually, if we’ll actually see the Sorting Hat sing…

Andrew: Ooh.

Laura: … because I feel like every interpretation of the Sorting Hat doing its song that we’ve ever seen, it’s more like spoken word. It doesn’t sing. [laughs]

Andrew: That would be awesome if they had the song performed every season, or at least a couple of times, and you see Dumbledore in the background grooving along to it. Should it be acapella or should there be some actual instruments involved?

Eric: Definitely the school band should be there.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: That’d be fun.

Laura: Who’s going to voice the Sorting Hat when it’s singing? Taylor Swift? Fresh off the Eras Tour?

Eric: I gotta tell you, not Jim Dale, unfortunately, because I just listened to the audiobook, and it’s a little grating to hear the Sorting Hat.

Andrew: Aww.

Eric: Yeah, he captures perfectly the zest and wistfulness that the Sorting Hat must feel in delivering the song, but there’s… I think it must be difficult to do right.

Andrew: Well, yeah. And you can take it as… how is it being performed? Is it as a rap? Is it a pop song? It kind of comes off as a rap. [raps] “A thousand years or more ago when I was newly sewn, there lived four wizards of renown, whose names are still well known.” Uh!

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Okay?

Micah: That was good.

Laura: Oh, man. They’re going to get Lin-Manuel Miranda in there to do one of his Disneyfied child-appropriate raps.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Oh, that would be cool.

Andrew: [raps] “Bold Gryffindor from wild moor, fair Ravenclaw from glen.” We need to get a AI Lin-Manuel Miranda performing these Hogwarts school songs. I think that would work really well.

Laura: Honestly, do you think we could reach out to him and ask? Maybe that sounds crazy.

Andrew: Is he on Cameo? [laughs]

Laura: I don’t think he is, but he does fun stuff like this all the time. I think we should start a campaign.

Andrew: [laughs] Sure.

Laura: We really should. I’m not kidding. [laughs]

Andrew: He gets lots of requests, and he’s going to listen to ours for some reason. [laughs]

Laura: Hey, you never know. I think he has young kids. He’s probably into Harry Potter.

Andrew: I think he is. I think he’s been an outspoken Harry Potter fan from time to time.

Eric: So as we mentioned, Harry is surprised to learn that there’s a new Sorting song, and Ron, presumably not due to his own experience but maybe from his brothers, says, “Oh, actually, there’s a new one every year.” And then Ron posits that it must be pretty boring being the hat, because you’re obviously only needed to do the Sorting and do the song, so Ron speculates that he probably – he being the hat in this case – spends the whole year coming up with what the next year’s song is going to be, and I think that makes sense. But because this is what we do on MuggleCast, I also have to ask, what else could the Sorting Hat get up to throughout the school year when he’s not doing this appearance?

Andrew: Well, the hat does have that side hustle at Forbidden Journey in the Wizarding World parks, where it gives you a pre-ride warning and stuff like that. “Make sure you’re buckled, yada, yada.” But I think it’s a fun question because the hat can’t just be writing the song; it has to be doing other things as well.

Eric: I mean, Harry is able to go up to the hat in Dumbledore’s office just on a random day and have a conversation with him, so I wonder if he talks with Dumbledore from time… or it talks to Dumbledore throughout the year, maybe.

Andrew: I could see the hat being a therapist.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Got started talking to Dumbledore and was like, “Oh, you know what, I’m actually kind of good at this,” and then plays therapist or counselor at Hogwarts as well.

Eric: Yeah, the hat would be the worst therapist because it tells you when you’re deflecting, and it can see, so it’s like, “You don’t want to face this truth, but I can see it in your head.”

Andrew: Oh, man. Oh, yeah. In therapy sessions, you just wear the hat on your head. That’d be weird.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yeah, hard truths. Because Harry doesn’t get comfort from him; he’s like, “Oh, I stand by what I said; you’d have done well in Slytherin,” and Harry is like, “Thanks.”

Andrew: The hat makes you look into the Mirror of Erised every session to check in on your deepest desires. [laughs]

Eric: Oh my God. There is actually a fun thing to be had in all the elements and tchotchkes around Hogwarts grouping together. So you have the Mirror of Erised, the Sorting Hat, in the Chamber of Secrets… and all sorts of other stuff. But maybe the hat participates in karaoke parties. We know he can sing; we know he likes, presumably, song. So what if Dumbledore had monthly staff parties in his office and every once in a while they let the hat do a number?

Micah: I like it.

Andrew: I love that idea. I think we should Max that.

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

Andrew: Because I think about Disney+ spinoff series where… they have a Toy Story spinoff called “Forky Asks a Question” or something like that, and they’re little five-minute shorts. We could have five-minute shorts in which the Sorting Hat is just performing songs.

Eric: I love it.

Micah: We could call it “Patchy’s Side Hustles.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: “Patchy’s Side Hustles.” Forky, Patchy.

Eric: “Mad-Eye Fakey,” “Patchy…” Micah, you’re on a naming kick.

Micah: Yeah. And I like your idea of parties. But I was thinking more so he could make appearances at wizarding world birthday parties, particularly for kids, maybe before they go off to Hogwarts. It’d be cool to have the Sorting Hat there.

Eric and Laura: Aww.

Eric: Love that idea.

Laura: That’s cool.

Micah: He needs money.

Eric: [laughs] Why does a hat need money?

Micah: Although, I guess, does he really need money?

Eric: No. He doesn’t.

Micah: No, he doesn’t.

Andrew: He doesn’t pay rent. He’s living in Dumbledore’s office playing therapist.

Eric: And Laura, you’ve taken all our ideas to the next level, though. I’m very excited about your suggestion.

Laura: Yeah, I think that during his downtime nine months out of the year, he just chronically auditions for talent shows like The X Factor.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Did X Factor exist canonically when this was written? No, but don’t let details get in the way of a good story, I always say.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Moving on, once the song is finished, no one is happier than Ron, who’s very hungry, and they get their feast, they get their food, which unfortunately comes to a halt for one of the trio when it is said by Nearly Headless Nick that the feast almost didn’t happen because Peeves was running amok in the kitchens and he disturbed the house-elves and prevented them from being able to cook. And you hear a clatter of a spoon and fork, and Hermione is like, “Wait, what?”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: And Nearly Headless Nick is like, “Oh yes, Miss Granger, Hogwarts is possibly the biggest dwelling of the most amount of house-elves in the world!” or I think he says Britain. And she is shook, because Hermione lately has been really interested in the rights and freedoms of the house-elf, and to learn that they are employed – or not, literally, not is the issue – at Hogwarts. She asks, “Do they get sick leave? Pensions?” and Nick laughs at her and says, “No, of course not. They don’t want that stuff.” Hermione immediately sets down her spoon and fork – well, she dropped it anyway. She doesn’t pick it up, and she refuses to eat another bite.

Micah: Well, the part that wasn’t in the chapter but actually happened was Nearly Headless Nick reached over to Hermione and took her sunglasses off, so she could actually see what was going on around her.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: I agree with your point.

Eric: The shade, Micah! The shade!

Micah: It’s like, who did you think was making your food for the last three years?

Laura: Right.

Eric: Especially… yeah.

Andrew: And how…? It even feels unlikely to me that you wouldn’t see a house-elf at some point, and I think it is sad that maybe they stay out of the way. But the person who just a couple chapters ago was saying she had read Hogwarts: A History didn’t know this? She knows everything.

Micah: That’s a really good point.

Andrew: And there’s a lot of house-elves here. And like you said, Micah, she never thought about who makes the food? Where it comes from? You know how food comes into existence in the magical world; you must.

Eric: Well, Hermione knows it can’t be just gotten out of thin air. Hermione of anybody would know that rule of Gamp’s Law, so she must therefore assume that somebody is cooking it. But you’re right, Andrew, that points out that probably house-elves are not mentioned in Hogwarts: A History. Like, it’s not that she overlooked that chapter.

Andrew: And why is that? Maybe that’s more insulting to the house-elves; they’re not even credited for being involved with the goings-on at the school.

Eric: Well, of course it is. Yeah, that’s literally why they say history is written by the victors, right? And if you have an oppressed people, the way to get away with that oppression is to not talk about them, not acknowledge them, not let others know what’s really going on at Hogwarts School.

Andrew: Dang, that’s deep.

Eric: I will say… yeah, well, up to this point, the wizarding world at large has gotten away with largely concealing from even an avid reader the presence of the Hogwarts house-elves to the wider world. I wonder how many people go through all seven years of school and never know who cleaned their clothes for them?

Laura: Yeah. And it’s probably one of these things that because it’s out of sight and out of mind… they don’t see the food being prepared; it just comes to them ready to go. They don’t see who does their linens and their laundry; they just know that it’s always there. And I think particularly for a Muggle-born student, it’s not too unreasonable for them to think, “Oh, it must just be magic.” I wish Hermione were a little more curious before her fourth year at Hogwarts about this. But I actually don’t think it’s unreasonable for someone who didn’t have this context about the way manual labor is done in the wizarding world, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for that person not to know that there’s a living being filling that gap.

Eric: This is where the concept of emotional labor comes from, too, right? You can be totally unaware that it’s going on. But yeah, I just love that… because house-elves are so prominent in this book, I love that they were introduced two books ago. We got that whole book of Dobby, and now we’re being introduced to this new concept that was simultaneously the oldest concept – they’ve been here possibly since the beginning of the school in some capacity – and now it’s becoming an issue. So I will say, Hermione seems to get a really big reality check, though, because even Sir Nicholas Mimsy-Porpington’s opinion of house-elves is that they want to work, that they don’t want sick leave or pensions, and this really illustrates to me that Hermione has an uphill struggle.

Andrew: Here’s another question: In Hogwarts Legacy, we can actually go into the kitchens and see the house-elves working there. Do we take that to be canon in our own…? Do we consider that our headcanon, let’s say, that a Hogwarts student could go and enter the kitchens and actually see what’s going on there?

Eric: Yes, because I think the Weasley twins do it, and also, James Potter did it, too, always nicking food from the kitchens.

Andrew: Ah, okay.

Micah: Well, in Hogwarts Legacy, you can not just go and see them there; they’re around the castle too.

Andrew, Eric, and Laura: Yeah.

Micah: Every once in a while you’ll see them pop up, and if you get too close, they Disapparate, but…

Eric: Well, and that’s in line with what I imagine life at Hogwarts really is like, that you would see them, and they don’t love being noticed so they do go away, but you’d be aware of them.

Micah: I do find it interesting, though… you were just talking about two books ago. Hermione really doesn’t say a whole lot of anything as it pertains to Dobby; it’s Harry who is the one who’s adamant about how Dobby is treated and talks about how he must not work for a very good family if he in fact is treated this way. And so obviously, we’re slowly building up. We started with Winky earlier in this book, and now we’re at Hogwarts and we’re seeing Hermione, really as a result of what she experienced at the Quidditch World Cup, start to form opinions. But in this particular situation, how do we feel about the house-elves and how they’re treated at Hogwarts? Because I would have to imagine that Dumbledore takes pretty good care of them. So it’s almost like, yes, her position is a good one, right, in that she’s seeing things through a completely different lens, but is she taking her anger out in the wrong place? And I guess we can talk more about that when we get to SPEW, but presumably the house-elves of Hogwarts are treated well, right? They have a place to live, they have food to eat, they have jobs.

Eric: To your point about Hermione just noticing this now, I will say Dobby only appeared to Harry during the second book, and in fact, it’s said when they’re in the top box…

Micah: But he didn’t share any of this information with Ron or Hermione?

Eric: Well, he could have, but I can understand why Hermione wouldn’t have an opinion before this year, because it’s not until they see Winky… it’s not until Harry says, “Dobby?” in the top box at the Quidditch World Cup that both Hermione and Ron wheel around because they really want to see this type of creature, and so I understand why Hermione is just getting into it now. To your question about are they treated right, I mean, I’m just going to say this once, but even a friendly slave owner is still a slave owner, so Dumbledore has… yeah, okay, Hogwarts is probably a cool place to live, but I don’t think that detracts from any of Hermione’s Points.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, I guess that my question would then be, is that the comparison we’re looking to draw?

Eric: Essentially, I think it might be.

Laura: Yeah, I think absolutely. I mean, unfortunately, you see people try to make these points about real-life historical instances – sometimes prolonged instances – of slavery in this country, and you’ll hear the point be made sometimes about “Certain slave owners actually treated their slaves very well by comparison to everyone else,” but at the end of the day, you’re still a slave. So I guess Hogwarts and Dumbledore and the powers that be may be looking at themselves that way as saying, “Hey, for their circumstances, this is pretty good,” which is really… painful [laughs] to realize about a character and a place that I think we all know and love and holds enormous nostalgia for each of us, that just like everything else, it is flawed, deeply so.

Andrew: Speaking of flawed…

Eric: [laughs] Speaking of flawed, the most flawed tournament of all time is finally announced. We have had hint after hint from many people, most recently by that piss-ant Draco Malfoy, who indicated something was happening – that’s what he is – something was happening this year at Hogwarts. We finally understand it to be the Triwizard Tournament.

Andrew: Yes.

Eric: “Tri” meaning three. It comes from Latin, meaning three. So there will definitely be three champions this year. What were you saying, Andrew?

Andrew: Well, we find out, but not before… there’s almost some foreshadowing that occurs when imposter Moody enters the Great Hall the moment Dumbledore is about to announce the Triwizard Tournament. The quote is, “I have great pleasure in announcing that this year at Hogwarts…” and then, “Troll in the dungeon!” No, Moody enters, and it’s almost like, “I have great pleasure in announcing that this year at Hogwarts, an imposter is going to be seriously screwing with things.”

Eric: Mad-Eye Fakey is going to be.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Mad-Eye Fakey, right. Yeah, we have a little bit of foreshadowing happening there, I think. It’s just… the timing’s too perfect.

Laura: Yeah, I have to check myself real quick because I remember when we were doing our Goblet of Fire commentary – I know I definitely said it; I don’t remember if anyone else said it – but I was poking fun at the movie when they did this, being like, [sarcastically] “Oh, I wonder who the bad guy is.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: And I was like, “Come on, guys. Don’t make it so obvious.” And here the book is doing the exact thing. [laughs]

Eric: The book is 100%… yeah, it turns out it’s one of the most faithfully adapted moments in the fourth movie, is this moment.

Andrew: It’s one of those things… I almost wish I remember my first reaction reading this in the year 2000. Was I immediately suspicious? I don’t know.

Laura: I wasn’t.

Eric: Yeah, but it’s all there. It’s all there. Even the hip flask is shown here, and it’s a very untrusting person who drinks only from their own water supply, so they can guard it, make sure there’s no toxins in it. But everything about the execution here… this is all leading to me wanting to give Barty Crouch, Jr. some more points, but I just think that the whole element of how he shows up and he’s able to fool Dumbledore and they shake hands, right before Dumbledore returns to his announcement, is all perfectly executed. So if we’re okay to move on to the actual Triwizard Tournament announcement, it has not happened for 100 years. There are reasons. [laughs] But it was actually a really big popular thing. About 700 years ago, it was invented; it features the three schools in Europe: Hogwarts, Beauxbatons, and Durmstrang. And I’ve got to say, it does seem pretty exciting. It seems like something that’s going to take their mind off of – I think I mentioned before – the previous two years at Hogwarts School. It’s going to get all of the people excited, their school pride flowing; we talked a little bit about school pride earlier. This is kind of cool in concept.

Laura: So this is the second event that we’re seeing in this book that is so hyped up, and allegedly so well-prepared-for by the Ministry, that is going to go toes up. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, and we’ll have more to say, I’m sure, later about the Triwizard Tournament and the rules and the security measures, let’s call them, but it’s…

Eric: Yeah, plenty of time to talk about that later.

Andrew: I’ll just say for now – because it’s bugging me – it’s just ridiculous that they can’t just say no to Harry’s name when it comes out of the goblet. Just say, “No. We have Cedric already. Sorry.” That’s it.

Eric: Yeah, the magically binding contract. Well, actually, so about that, that was the only other thing I was going to mention from the Triwizard thing. Dumbledore stuns everybody in saying that there’s an age limit this year, and Fred and George – I think he looks directly at them – make a ruckus because they want to participate. They need the 1,000 Galleon prize and the glory, which may or may not be varying levels of eternal in the books. So they actually, leaving the Great Hall, have spotted what they say is this huge weak spot in the tournament, which is that Dumbledore has not talked about the Goblet of Fire specifically, but he has said that an impartial judge will be determining their value, and even though Albus Dumbledore knows Fred and George’s age, and he knows they aren’t 17, the actual impartial judge, they think, does not. And so it’s interesting because this is something… they’re all walking to their dorms at the end of the chapter, and we’re just listening to Fred and George lament because they’ve been kicked out of the competition, basically. But it’s interesting that this is actually a legitimate weak spot, and it is the same weak spot that is exploited by Barty Crouch, Jr. The fact that the age line and the Goblet of Fire are separate means that whereas most students will be submitting their own name, it’s actually possible to hoodwink it by being somebody who’s of age and putting in a name other than your own. And so it’s interesting because I never remembered this before, but the actual answer to how the whole plot of this year at school is able to unfurl is actually buried in a Fred and George reference when they talk about trying to get themselves in.

Micah: The other thing I would say for this in particular is that we’ve mentioned for numerous chapters now how the world continues to expand, and by inviting Beuaxbatons and Durmstrang into Hogwarts, it’s also another example of world-building, of the wizarding world expanding to be more than it was in Prisoner of Azkaban.

Eric: Absolutely.


Odds & Ends


Eric: So let’s move on to some Odds & Ends, then, real quick. There’s a story that I remember from early days working on MuggleNet, and it has to do with one of the students that is Sorted, and it’s actually a student named Natalie McDonald, who is put into Gryffindor House. And the real-life story behind Natalie is that she was a big fan of Harry Potter, and she had written a letter to J.K. Rowling explaining that she had leukemia, and she talked about with Jo how much she loved the books, and she had asked, I think, how they were going to end because she knew that she would probably not be able to be around when the last Harry Potter books came out. Very, very sad, sad tale. J.K. Rowling read this letter late; she didn’t get to it in time, and by the time she had responded, ended up just reaching Natalie’s mother. And as a tribute to Natalie, J.K. Rowling put her in the books as a character who is brave, who is Sorted into Gryffindor House, and it’s just one of the most touching stories, I think, and fitting tributes to a fan.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: That’s sweet. And to be solidified in one of the biggest books of all time, that’s really sweet.

Eric: Yeah, so there’s more information on that on the Wikipedia. There’s also some foreshadowing here for the romance between Harry and Cho. When a student is Sorted to the Ravenclaw table, Harry notices that Cho is cheering on the students, and has a fleeting moment where he himself wants to go and sit down at the Ravenclaw… I don’t know what he would say. Like, “Hi, I’ve just been Sorted too,” or something. [laughs]

Andrew: “I’m just visiting. Just checking things out over here.”

Eric: Yeah, yeah. But it’s the first instance of him getting a random thought out of nowhere, and he wants to go and sit by Cho.

Andrew: And then by the end of the chapter, too, Harry is once again thinking about Cho, so she’s on his mind.

Eric: Mmhmm. And Micah, you have some odds and ends as well.

Micah: Yeah, I will say, I found Dumbledore particularly charming in this chapter. He has a few good moments, the exchange with Fred about the Triwizard Tournament, the joke that he gets cut off by McGonagall. He wants to tell a little bit of a…

Andrew: That was funny.

Micah: Yeah, I would love to know the rest of that joke, by the way.

Andrew: [laughs] You should make it up. Think about it for next week.

Eric: That’s it.

Micah: Do you really want me to think about it? Of all the people on this panel, do you want me to come up with the answer?

Eric: No.

Andrew: Maybe for bonus MuggleCast.

Micah: What was it? A leprechaun, a troll, and a wizard go into a bar? Was that right?

Andrew: It may have been a witch.

Micah: All right, well, we’ll look it up.

Andrew: Yeah. But no, you’re right. And also, I was tickled, actually, by when Fred or George make a comment about the Triwizard Tournament as Dumbledore is giving his speech, and Dumbledore actually hears them, which was funny to me because of how big the Great Hall is.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Yeah, exactly. Dumbledore has got Extendable Ears.

Eric: I think he has a BS detector, or a BS-ometer.

Micah: Along those lines, I was thinking about Dumbledore’s abilities, because we know that he can see through Invisibility Cloaks, correct? But he can’t tell when somebody has taken Polyjuice? That just seems like he should be a little bit better at his job.

Eric: Well, that was explained, though. Dumbledore can’t actually see through Invisibility Cloaks; he has another way of making himself invisible and doesn’t need a cloak for himself, but how he detects Harry under the Invisibility Cloak is by wordlessly casting the Homenum Revelio charm, which illuminates that something is there.

Micah: Oh, okay.

Eric: That was actually answered by the author a while ago.

Andrew: The joke Dumbledore made starts with, “I did hear an excellent one over the summer about a troll, a hag, and a leprechaun who all go into a bar,” and then McGonagall clears her throat loudly. Micah, I am so touched that you have some nice things to say about Albus. I think now we can wrap up this week’s discussion without further ado.

Micah: [laughs] All right.

Eric: Turning over a new leaf here. We like Dumbledore again.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Exactly. 2024…

Andrew: That trip to England really refreshed him.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Finding Dumbledore in the pub really made Micah a fan.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: You know what, though? It’s going to be short-lived, because I think after all this time, the lie count is back.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Oh no. The Dumbledore lie count?

Andrew: Explain yourself.

Micah: So there are two things that Dumbledore says in this chapter. The first: “We have worked hard over the summer to ensure that this time, no champion will find himself or herself in mortal danger.” That is a lie.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: [laughs] We need a Maury sound effect. “That was a lie.”

[Dumbledore lie count sound effect plays]

Eric: I forgot we had that good sound effect.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: He says, “Only students who are of age – that is to say, 17 years or older – will be allowed to put forth their names for consideration.” That is a lie.

[Dumbledore lie count sound effect plays]

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I love that we’re bringing that sound effect out again.

Eric: I’ve missed this so much. Micah, what part of it is a lie? The second one that you said there.

Micah: What part of it is a lie?

Eric: Yeah, that students 17 or older will be allowed to put forth their names.

Micah: Because Harry ends up in the Triwizard Tournament.

Eric: But he didn’t put forth his name. Although, Barty Crouch did, and Barty Crouch is not a student.

Laura: Right.

Andrew: Okay.

Eric: Yeah, that was just… okay.

Andrew: And I mean, Dumbledore didn’t realize that was going to happen. I’ll go with you. I think the lie counts fine.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: All right!

Andrew: I think you can pick some holes in this one.

Micah: It’s been two full books, right?

Eric: It has. Yeah, we stopped in Chamber of Secrets and never went back, until today.

Laura: Yeah. And you also have to ask yourself, okay, how would a reasonable person interpret this statement? “Only students of age can put their own name in the Goblet of Fire.” Any reasonable person can infer that, so I would also call this a lie.

Andrew: All right.

Laura: Yep. Had it coming.

Micah: So we’re up to 12.

Eric: 12 or 13? Because it was at 10.

Andrew and Laura: So 12.

Andrew: All right, a magical number in the Harry Potter series.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Thrilled to see this going up.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: Well, with that, it is time for… lie count hit 12, and this is Chapter 12! That’s kind of funny.

Eric: Oh!


MVP of the Week


Andrew: So with that, let’s get to MVP of the week.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Eric: I’m going to give my MVP to the giant squid, my main cephalopod, for saving Dennis Creevey’s life. Somebody had to do it.

Andrew: And I’m actually going to second this one, because starting and ending the year with a student death would have been a terrible look for the school.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: So thank goodness for squid.

Eric: Not for a lack of trying.

Laura: Yeah, it’s only okay if the kids all have a two-month break afterwards to recover, right?

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Laura: I’m going to give mine to Hermione for her strong convictions. Now, she’s a little young and naive at this point in the series about the best way to address this problem, but she’s sticking to her convictions, and I’ve got to give her props for that.

Micah: She’s going to be hungry, though.

Laura: Yeah, very. It’s not going to last long.

Micah: And I’m going to give my MVP to the Great Hall ceiling for knowing what’s up.

Andrew: It. It is up. The ceiling.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Yeah, but it started to say, “Hey, Mad-Eye. Bad guy.”

Laura: Hey, that rhymed.

Eric: Mad-Eye, bad guy.

Laura: “Hey, Mad-Eye. Bad guy.”

Eric: Oh, man.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

[MVP of the Week music ends]

Andrew: Liza is also agreeing with you, Micah, about that lie count. She said, “Fred and George put forth their names; they just don’t succeed.” That’s a good point.

Micah: Yeah, why wasn’t there anybody sitting in there just watching the thing the whole time?

Andrew: Right, monitoring, yeah. How about a house-elf? I mean, they could use them for anything.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Or the Sorting Hat.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: They could pay it.

Andrew: Or the Hogwarts Ghost Council! There’s a lot of people available within the school.

Micah: Going to get so much bad email after this.

Andrew: [laughs] If you have any feedback about today’s discussion – if you have any criticisms for Micah – you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or by using our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. Justin also points out, “How about a portrait watching over the goblet?” Again, lots of magic is available. Next week we will discuss Chapter 13, “Mad-Eye Moody.” And now it’s time for our weekly trivia game, Quizzitch.


Quizzitch


[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question was: Name two of the three items that Dumbledore says Filch has banned this year; he’s added it to his list of banned items. So the three possible answers that we were looking for was Screaming Yo-yos, Fanged Frisbees, and Ever-Bashing Boomerangs, which I would not want to be hit with; that sounds a bit extreme. And if you will recall, at the end of last episode, we did put a rule in place for this month…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … that people would need to submit their regular names, and not, in fact, fun, funny usernames that we’ve come to rely a little too heavily on. And so it is with pride that I say that this week’s Quizzitch winners were: My Regular Name…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: That’s the only one that got away with it. John, Taylor Hill, Samantha Jo, Stephanie, Brennan, Elizabeth K., Michelle D., Daniel O., CJ, Julia, Peace and Love, Harrison.

Andrew: Wow. Our listeners pay attention, follow rules, and are engaged. That’s very sweet.

Eric: I’m very touched.

Micah: The ones that Eric selected followed the rules. I’m sure there are plenty of others that did not.

Eric: Yes, I did not read yours, Micah.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: I did not submit this week.

Laura: Keep fighting, y’all.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: I prefer the fun nicknames. Keep ’em coming.

Micah: I mean, I listened to the episode, but was this all because the two 12-year-olds were fighting?

Eric: Well…

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: I mean, there was kind of a monopoly on names being recognized… yeah, it was a number of reasons. But namely, if we want to farm this out and have the rest of you read the names, I felt bad that the segment was taking minutes and minutes and minutes to read all the long…

Andrew: I do agree. This segment’s getting too long.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: This is turning into an hour-long thing every episode.

Eric: Yeah, I know.

Laura: Okay, that’s a little bit of an exaggeration.

Micah: I will say, part of the charm of Quizzitch is people taking the time to come up with the names because…

Eric: See, I thought the most fun part of Quizzitch – not to interrupt you – was the fact that we’re having a celebration of knowledge and trivia from the book series that we love.

Andrew: I think there’s a beautiful middle ground where we can have fun with the names and quickly move through Quizzitch.

Laura: I think so too.

Eric: I don’t know what that might be. The short-term solution was just to ban the names.

Andrew: By not having this three-minute detour that we just had. That’s one way. [laughs]

Micah: That’s part of the fun.

Eric: Well, then let me introduce next week’s Quizzitch question: What is the trio’s first class of their fourth year at Hogwarts?

Andrew: That’s a fun question.

Eric: Yeah, it’s a fun… the answer might be revealed in the chapter title of next week, but it might not be. I don’t know.

Andrew: [laughs] Well, that gives it away.

Eric: So submit your answer along with your regular or government name – we’re checking –

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … to us via the Quizzitch form on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav bar at the top of the website.

Andrew: Visit MuggleCast.com for transcripts, social media links, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes on that “Must-Listens” page – which was recently updated – and like we said, to contact us. If you enjoy the show and think other Muggles like you would, too, tell a friend about the show. We’d also appreciate if you left us a review in your favorite podcast app. That does it for this week’s episode of MuggleCast. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Goodbye, everybody.

Micah: Bye.

Laura: Bye, y’all.

Transcript #641

Episode #641:

 

MuggleCast 641 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #641, Freshly Floo’d Toast (GOF Chapter 11, Aboard the Hogwarts Express)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And this week, grab your luggage and raincoat because we are choo-chooing back into the wizarding world with Chapter 11 of Goblet of Fire, “Aboard the Hogwarts Express.” Micah is not here this week. Sitting in for Micah, not just the following sound effect…

[Micah’s “Choo-choo” sound effect plays]

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: … but also one of our patrons, longtime Slug Club member Ning Xi! Ning Xi, welcome to the show.

Ning Xi: Hello, I’m so excited to be here!

Andrew: We’re very excited to have you. You are coming to us from Singapore today.

Ning Xi: Yes.

Andrew: Ning Xi even took off work for this! Wow.

Laura: That’s dedication.

Ning Xi: Yes.

Andrew: Instead of taking off work this week, Micah took off MuggleCast. The tables have turned.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Micah is working; you’re not working. It’s great.

Eric: Well, all we really needed was that audio clip for this week, right, Andrew?

Andrew: Yeah.

[Micah’s “Choo-choo” sound effect plays]

Andrew: We’re good.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Because if Micah were here, he would be contributing “Choo-choo.”

[Micah’s “Choo-choo” sound effect plays]

Andrew: Exactly.

Laura: Right. Only that. Nothing else.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: No, of course we miss Micah, but it is a chapter that he feels… this is a chapter he would love because the chapter is “Aboard the Hogwarts Express,” and he loves the…

[Micah’s “Choo-choo” sound effect plays]

[Eric laughs]

Ning Xi: We should try to squeeze that into the Seven-Word Summary.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric and Laura: Ooh.

Eric: What if two of the seven words are “choo” and “choo”?

Laura: Yeah, what if that’s the first two?

Eric: Or what if we have two at the end and we don’t know what to do?

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: “Hurray!”

Ning Xi: “Choo-choo.”

Andrew: So Ning Xi, let’s get your fandom ID before we go any further.

Ning Xi: Okay, so my favorite book is Prisoner of Azkaban. My favorite movie is Deathly Hallows – Part 1 because I love camping. What can I say?

[Eric laughs]

Ning Xi: My Hogwarts House is Gryffindor. My Ilvermorny House is Thunderbird. The Wizarding World tells me that my Patronus is a bay mare, which I reject, so it’s actually a rabbit.

[Everyone laughs]

Ning Xi: My wand is twelve and three quarter inches, laurel wood with a phoenix core, and solid flexibility.

Andrew: Fantastic. Well, thank you again for joining us today. We’re very excited to have you. You’ve been a longtime supporter, and we’re just so grateful for your support. Ning Xi will also join us for bonus MuggleCast today; bonus MuggleCast installments are coming to our paid Apple Podcasts subscription starting this week. For just $4.99 a month, you can sign up for MuggleCast Gold, in which you’ll receive ad-free early access to our main show plus two new bonus MuggleCast installments every month, in which we discuss all kinds of things like the latest wizarding world news. This week we’ll discuss recent news about Hogwarts Legacy; it’s the top-selling game of the year – meaning 2023…

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: … and Warner Bros. is teasing more projects in the wizarding world to come, so we’ll talk about that. And we’re also going to touch on what we would like to see added to Hogwarts Legacy if they ever add anything, because they haven’t yet, which is odd. Also a reminder – I’m wearing the beanie right now – the MuggleCast overstock store is open again. This is where you can buy MuggleCast merch and help support the show, and we have this new Comfy Cozy Combo Pack which consists of the MuggleCast beanie and socks. You can purchase this new combo set for $25, which is cheaper than buying the socks and beanie separate, and you’ll be warm on both ends of your Muggle body for winter, so check it out at MuggleMillennial.etsy.com.

Laura: And finally, we just want to give thanks to anyone who leaves us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Featuring a review that we got this past week from Ultrawilde, who gave us a five-star review and said, “Spellbinding! These are the best group of Harry Potter-obsessed friends you’ll ever have. Truly the OG’s of the podcast game, don’t know where the fandom would be without them!”

Andrew: Thank you!

Laura: Thank you so much. That is so sweet.

Andrew: Yeah, and thank you to everybody who leaves a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: So let’s get into Chapter by Chapter. This week we’re discussing Goblet of Fire Chapter 11, “Aboard the Hogwarts Express,” and we’ll start like we always do with our Seven-Word Summary. Ning Xi is going to kick things off for us. Will it be a “choo”? We’re about to find out.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: What if she sneezes and we’re like, “She did it; she did ‘choo’!” and then she’ll be like, “No, I was just sneezing.”

[Laura and Ning Xi laugh]

Andrew: All right, here we go.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Ning Xi: Traveling…

Laura: … by…

Andrew: … train… [laughs]

Eric: … proves…

Ning Xi: … informative…

Laura: … for…

Andrew: … Harry. For a second there, Laura, I really thought you were going to end this with “choo” and then I was going to come in with a “choo.”

[Everyone laughs]

[Seven-Word Summary music ends]

Andrew and Laura: “Traveling by train proves informative, choo-choo.”

Eric: “Choo-choo!”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, we would have gotten the message across still. [laughs]

Eric: Ning Xi, you did great, especially because you did double duty filling in for Micah here.

Laura: Yes.

Ning Xi: Oh, it’s fine. I definitely did not stress over this. [laughs] “Why am I starting this?”

Laura: Good.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Andrew: So this chapter begins with the summer break about to end and an urgent call from the Ministry comes in, and Harry listens in as Amos Diggory via fireplace delivers some news to Arthur about Mad-Eye. Overnight, someone tried to break into Mad-Eye’s house, and in addition to this being our introduction to Mad-Eye, this is also the first time we’re seeing someone communicate via fire. So I actually wanted to start talking about communicating via fireplace via the Floo Network, because I’ve got a couple of questions concerning this. So first of all, why did Rowling choose fire as the method for communication and transportation? Transportation I can maybe understand, because fire could arguably represent, let’s say, you’re being cremated, you’re being transformed… that’s a bit of a dark example. Fire represents a lot of things, but communication is not one of them. And head-only transportation is another aspect of utilizing the Floo Network, seemingly only for a chat and maybe a piece of toast, which we will also get to. But was this the right branch of magic to put a glorified telephone call under? I would argue this method of communication should be unassociated with the Floo Network, because these two things don’t really tie together for me. Why is this under the Floo Network? And why does it have to be via fireplace? [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, it’s a good question, especially because in the next book, as we’ve established, we do get the wizarding version of DMs. [laughs] So it’s interesting that this was chosen. I was thinking, Andrew, when you were mentioning that fire can be representative of a rebirth or turning into something else, it can also be representative of cleansing things, too, and I wonder if there was some kind of intentional choice with those two themes in mind around the idea of travel and the idea of communication, that somehow fire plays a part in whatever transformation you go through, metaphorically if there is one, or if it incentivizes more truthfulness. It feels like a stretch, but also, I’m trying to figure out why exactly fireplaces specifically.

Eric: I think I have a take on that, which is the… and I like the Floo Network in general. I think that one of the reasons the Floo Network was chosen for travel is because even the oldest cottages back from the Dark Ages had chimneys.

Andrew: Ohh.

Laura: True.

Eric: So a chimney is something that everyone has, and so you could potentially easily connect to other wizards no matter where they are. No matter how remote they are, everyone’s got a fireplace. So that idea coupled with how the Floo Network, we’re told it works, where a grate has to be added to the network – and we find out in later books, too, you can take a grate off and things like that – that actually is very, very, very much akin to how telephones were. When telephones first started out, they had to manually be… I mean, there was a manual switchboard, wires run under the ground to everyone’s home. And so when we see Amos Diggory here FaceTiming, essentially, the Weasleys, I think it has to do with the convergent evolution of phones into video call devices.

Laura and Ning Xi: Yeah.

Eric: Because she took that… the Floo Network very much was a telephone-style network, so if that was to evolve into a face medium, like a video medium, then the equivalent would be you travel but only partially to… does that make sense?

Ning Xi: Kind of makes sense.

Laura: I like it.

Eric: I think it’s kind of based on how the Floo Network was set up to begin with. Okay, so Rowling was probably like, “Hey, if the telephone evolved into the video phone, then my equivalent of the telephone has to evolve into the video phone somehow.”

Andrew: Interesting.

Ning Xi: Actually, I just had a sudden thought when Eric was talking about the chimneys. Do you think very, very ancient wizards used smoke signals with the chimney?

Eric: I mean, possibly.

Ning Xi: Maybe that’s why they kept the fireplace system. And then they were like, “Look, we can improve this communication by actually going through it,” or something.

Laura: That is so cool.

Eric: Yeah, I mean, the Vatican still uses smoke signals.

[Laura laughs]

Ning Xi: Yes, they do.

Andrew: Yeah. Okay, yeah.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: I love that idea. It adds a layer, I think, because as Eric, you were talking, I was like, “Oh my gosh, this makes total sense,” that wizards would assume, or at least wizards in the UK would be like, “Well, everybody has a chimney,” when it’s like, well, in reality, not everybody has a chimney around the world. But I love, Ning Xi, how you added this layer of like, “No, no, it was the ancient cultures that did this, and the Europeans just took it and made it their own.”

Eric: And also, I mean, keep in mind how weird it is to Arthur Weasley at the beginning of this book that the Dursleys have boarded up their fireplace.

Andrew: [laughs] “How do you talk?”

Eric: Yeah, he views it like a major thoroughfare, like everyone’s chimney is actually their front door, because I think to wizards, it is in a way.

Andrew: This question got me thinking, what other common household item could have been a phone instead of the fireplace? I was thinking a portrait, of course; we know you can talk to portraits to some extent. But how about something a little more original? How about a house plant, and the head pops up as a new bulb on the top of the plant, and the leaves are like arms so they can be all animated? I thought that could be fun.

Eric: I only like this, Andrew, if it’s the old style telephone where you have the mouthpiece and the receiver…

[Andrew and Ning Xi laugh]

Eric: … and you’re putting the bulb of a flower to your ear and having to talk into the stem. That would be really lovely.

Laura: Honestly, that sounds like nightmare fuel to me.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: It kind of does, yeah. Just picturing one of y’all’s heads on top of a plant kind of scares me. No offense.

[Laura laughs]

Ning Xi: Yeah, especially at night.

Andrew: Yes. Or I was thinking a lamp, because it’s the light bulb, an idea, so it turns on… but anyway, thank you for your reasoning here, panel, because I just thought it was so interesting that the telephone call was an extension of the Floo Network, even though it’s already used for something pretty powerful. So it does two things.

Eric: It’s a good point.

Laura: What I’m thinking about now that we’ve made the FaceTime connection… I think we all know people who will unprompted FaceTime call you.

Andrew: Oh, I hate that.

Laura: Yeah, not my jam either. What happens if somebody tries to Floo call you and you don’t want to take the call? Can you decline it?

Andrew: Great question.

Laura: Or does their head just pop up in your fireplace?

Eric: Can they see into your living room?

Ning Xi: Just throw water on it.

Andrew: Yeah, at any moment that they want. See, Vernon is smart for boarding up his fireplace because he had this thought, Laura, many years ago.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Vernon was the original… privacy protected the webcam.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: I was like, “Where did Eric’s camera go?” [laughs] I missed him thumbing it…

Eric: No, I literally have one of those… I have those little…

Ning Xi: A slider?

Eric: I have a webcam slider thing. It came with my laptop case.

Andrew: Oh, okay.

Eric: But yeah, it’s crazy to think about that. Maybe the fire needs to be started, like going. I think it’s probably a movie-ism that you can take an empty fireplace and just throw the powder down or whatever. But I think maybe if you start the fire, that opens the call, so you’re available. It’s like the equivalent of unplugging the cord from the… I mean, many people listening won’t know what I’m talking about…

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: … but unplugging the telephone cable from the wall when you didn’t want to take a call, and you’d get a busy signal.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah.

Ning Xi: Maybe they just throw water if like, “Oh, no, I do not want to talk to this person.” Get a bucket of water and…

Eric: Get a bucket. Throw it on the flames.

Andrew: We don’t have to get in the nitty gritty here, but they got this call from Amos in the morning, so was the fire lit in the morning? Maybe it could have been, but it was also summertime so they probably wouldn’t have it lit.

Eric: Well, and wizarding homes… that’s the other thing; I mean, Britain is cold even in the summer, and there’s not a lot of indoor climate control in a lot of places, so you probably always do have a fire going, to be honest. But maybe wizarding homes probably always have the fire going unless they don’t want to take a call.

Andrew: Or that’s how Molly was grilling her toast.

[Ning Xi laughs]

Andrew: She was keeping it over the fire and that’s why she offered Amos that piece of toast. Of course, we do have to address that the way the movies handled the fireplace phone call… it was really bad, particularly in Goblet of Fire. It just did not look good with Sirius’s head popping out of the embers.

Laura: No.

Andrew: Whereas in Order of the Phoenix it was a little bit better; you see him in the flame. They realized how they did it in Goblet was not good. So it’ll be interesting to see what they do with the television adaptation, if it’ll be any better.

Laura: Well, they listened to us trash the Goblet of Fire effect – because we definitely did here on the show – and they were like, “Ugh, okay.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Well, it’s even more… the way it’s described in the book – I was paying close attention to this during this reread – it’s just more canonical the way they have it in Movie 5. Nobody ever said the embers themselves were constructing the face.

Andrew: Okay.

Eric: And that’s why they did it this way in Movie 4. Somebody had an idea that they ran with in this movie, and it fell a little flat.

Laura: So despite the fact that Amos may have called super early in the morning, maybe much to the chagrin of Molly and Arthur, he actually is calling with important information, and it’s that Mad-Eye Moody – brand new character alert – has been attacked at his home. And it’s particularly concerning for some reason, because it’s the day before he’s starting his new job. Hmm, wonder where? And just wanted to call out here… I thought we could do this throughout this book, have something called “Keeping an Eye on Mad-Eye” to look at all of the clues that come up throughout the book about Barty Crouch, Jr. actually being imposter Moody. And this is the point where Mad-Eye Moody is attacked in his home; this is the point where Crouch Jr. kidnaps him and ultimately Polyjuice Potions himself into him and holds him hostage for the next 10 months.

Andrew and Ning Xi: Yeah.

Ning Xi: Poor Mad-Eye, though, honestly.

Andrew: Yeah, for real. And Mad-Eye had the dustbins as a security system, and it’s assumed during this chapter that he set up those dustbins and they went off like they should as he intended, but we later learn that it was Crouch Jr. who purposely set them off as a distraction.

Eric: It’s so smart. Barty Crouch, Jr. as a character… we’re just getting into going through the reread where he becomes a factor, and he’s pretty talented. And despite his leanings, which are very concerning – he is in fact a Death Eater and a very loyal supporter to Voldemort – but aside from that one little fact, I think this guy is great. I think he’s really cool.

Andrew: Yeah. Wow.

Eric: Certainly accomplished.

[Andrew laughs]

Ning Xi: He gets the job done.

Eric: Yeah. So I don’t want to eat my words, but I think I’ll be keeping track of other cool or accomplished… impressive moments for Barty Crouch.

Andrew: Okay.

Ning Xi: Also, for the TV series, I kind of hope they show this scene at the start of the episode. Somebody got attacked or something as the starting point before they have the opening credits; you know how they do that. So yeah, I think that would be cool.

Laura: I agree.

Andrew: I mean, Goblet of Fire didn’t open with this – the movie, I’m referring to – but it opened with…

Eric: Frank Bryce.

Andrew: Frank Bryce, right, yeah. Something like that, like a cold open, so to speak. Well, speaking of the toast, which we’ve mentioned a couple of times, let’s circle back to this just for a moment. I thought it was really funny that Molly does offer Amos some toast.

Eric: Yeah, it’s just a funny sight gag, how weird it is for somebody’s face to be in your fireplace, but then Molly is able to pass food to him. And it’s toast, which if she screws it up, still is going to taste good because the fire is going to toast it a little bit more.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: So this is just a very… for me, reading that… I know every time I read this chapter, I’m just like, “I love magic. That’s so fun.” The fact that you… it’s my “I love magic” moment in Goblet.

Andrew: [laughs] So we need a MuggleCast T-shirt that has a picture of toast being fed into a fireplace and it says “I love magic” underneath it.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: That’s what impresses us most about the wizarding world.

Ning Xi: Toast.

Eric: Being fed through…

Andrew: Toast. The transfer of toast through a fireplace.

Laura: Toast is pretty great.

Eric: Well, and if you think about how many hundreds of miles away Amos’s body is from his mouth, that’s where the magic is impressive.

Laura and Ning Xi: Yeah.

Laura: And see, this is another example of how the wizarding world defies physics. I wish that we had brought this one up when we did the physics of Harry Potter discussion because it would have been really interesting to try and explain how that works.

Eric: It’s a portal.

Ning Xi: Yeah, it’s a portal.

Eric: It’s different than splinching because you’re not cut off at any point. It’s just your head’s going through a portal.

Andrew: It could be a way – and sorry, this is another dark thought from me for this episode – could this magic be used to solve world hunger? Let’s say a food desert. People could walk up to a fireplace and be fed food from areas of the world where food is more easily accessible. I don’t know why this jumped to my mind, but it did.

Laura: And they can also apparently duplicate food…

Andrew: Right.

Ning Xi: Oh, yeah.

Laura: … and pass it through the Floo FaceTime network.

Eric: We solved world hunger.

Laura: Yeah, work smarter, not harder, man!

Eric: We solved wizarding world hunger just now.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: It would also be a really cute way to easily enjoy a home-cooked meal while you were, say, at Hogwarts for term. So Ron is like, “Oh, I’m hungry. I’m missing Mom’s delicious toast and eggs.” And then he walks up to the fireplace, unlocks his jaw…

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: … and Molly just tosses a bunch of breakfast into his mouth. “Thanks, Mom.”

Laura: But then he’d have to…

Andrew: But let’s get back to Mad-Eye. [laughs]

Laura: Oh yeah, go ahead. Let’s keep it moving.

[Laura and Ning Xi laugh]

Andrew: Okay, we start to learn about Mad-Eye; this is the first time for both Harry and the reader. He’s a former Auror admired by Arthur and Dumbledore. George, however, thinks he’s a bit of a nutter, and Bill counters that he was a great wizard in his time, and as we later learn, of course, he still is.

Eric: I think it’s really interesting watching everyone talk about Mad-Eye Moody. So we’re learning about this, and the Weasley kids are there talking about it, too, and Mad-Eye’s reputation is called into account. He’s called “Mad-Eye” for many reasons. But there’s this opinion that he’s kind of lost his touch, and “He’s so paranoid in his old age, oh my God.” And it’s funny to see him be so discredited because as we’ve established, he actually has been attacked; it was a credible attempt on his freedom, and in fact, they were successful. So it’s funny to see it being couched as “He’s paranoid” and “Probably a small cat or something set off the dustbins,” because it allows us to not be as suspicious. So it’s hiding in plain sight, what really happened, and that makes for clever writing.

Andrew: And the dustbins themselves feed that idea that he is nuts, because who would turn dustbins into a security system? Only a nutter like Mad-Eye.

Eric: Clearly he’s losing it.

[Andrew and Ning Xi laugh]

Eric: And listening to the kind of people that do respect Mad-Eye, it’s people like Dumbledore, and Dumbledore is also not fully credible. I think we… well, this is a conversation that happens in this chapter, too, that “Dad collects plugs,” and Arthur loves Mad-Eye, but there you have it. So again, it’s really smart to call into question the capability and the sanity of Mad-Eye, especially in advance of his year of teaching at Hogwarts, because it allows us to suspect nothing.

Andrew: Harry is about to find out in I guess the next chapter that Mad-Eye is going to be their DADA teacher, too, so it’s also setting up that. [laughs] Congrats, here’s teacher number four, and he’s a nutjob. Enjoy.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: What do you think, Ning Xi?

Ning Xi: I think whether there is also an element of Mad-Eye being the boy who cried wolf too many times. So everybody’s like, “Eh, it’s not really worth investigating because it’s clearly a false alarm,” so nobody ever bothers to put in even a modicum of effort to try and see if there’s an issue. And I think even in the real world this happens a lot, so it’s reflective of that as well.

Eric: That’s a good point.

Ning Xi: I mean, in an ideal world, of course, any complaints would get investigated or at least checked out, and I wonder how differently the story would have went if there was even a seed of suspicion or doubt that was planted from this initial incident with Mad-Eye.

Laura: Yeah, I agree with that. And I love that you brought this up, Ning Xi, because it really made me think about how this compares to Frank Bryce and what Frank Bryce goes through earlier in this book. So his community is so quick to accept the idea of him being a murderer because in their minds, the war turned him funny, right? The war did something to him; he’s never been the same since the war trauma he went through. And Mad-Eye is also someone who carries both literal and metaphorical war wounds that are used in this case to invalidate him as just being paranoid and to remove his credibility, which makes him the perfect target.

Eric: This also brings up, I think, a recurring theme now at this point in the book, which is the complacency that the wizarding world at large has fallen into. Another reason of the many that they don’t believe Mad-Eye is in any danger, that any Death Eater, anybody untoward would seek him out, is because they largely believe that Death Eaters aren’t around anymore, that all of them are in Azkaban, even though they’ve just been proven wrong within the last week or so by the emergence of a bunch of them at the Quidditch World Cup. Everyone still thinks that it’s safe, and who would ever go after Mad-Eye? He’s an Auror; you can get more than you’re bargaining for there. But it’s true.

Andrew: Is this another point for your “Barty Crouch, Jr. is pretty good, actually” count, Eric?

[Laura laughs]

Eric: It could be. I’m going to have to get a sound effect if we keep getting so many counts so quickly…

[Andrew and Ning Xi laugh]

Eric: … and it’d probably be that ridiculous line from the movie. [imitating Barty Crouch, Jr.] “Hello, Father,” or something.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Eric is a really good voice actor.

Laura: You have to do the weird tongue thing too.

[Eric makes a weird tongue noise]

[Laura and Ning Xi laugh]

Eric: I think that it’s testament to the environment that Barty Crouch, Jr. is able to navigate and traverse through. I mean, presumably, he threw off his father’s Imperius Curse like it ain’t no thing. He did it at the Quidditch World Cup, but there was never any ramifications afterwards. The spell didn’t come down harder. So Barty Crouch, Jr. learning to throw that off, and then said that he’d be able to go and abduct Moody on schedule. [laughs] Because if he misses it, if he’s late by a day, Moody is already at Hogwarts and you’re never going to be able to do this. So yes, Andrew, I would say that that actually is another point for Barty Crouch, Jr.

Andrew: [imitating Barty Crouch, Jr.] “Yes, Father,” or whatever.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: “Hello, Father.”

Laura: Eric, you’ve got to record it now.

Ning Xi: Man, David Tennant was so underused in the movies.

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Laura: I agree.

Eric: Yeah. Reduced to a plot point with a quiver.

Andrew: So I mentioned Mad-Eye becoming the DADA teacher. We don’t know that he’s going to be the DADA teacher yet. It’s hinted that he’s starting a new job; that’s the only clue. But reading this with the benefit of hindsight, the fact that the new DADA teacher is already in some trouble… if Harry thinks back to this after three years of changing DADA teachers, the writing was on the wall for Mad-Eye at the outset.

Eric and Ning Xi: Yeah.

Eric: And yet, I still appreciate that there’s a twist to it, right? So unlike prior DADA teachers, there’s something new in Mad-Eye. By the end of the book, we learn not only that it wasn’t in fact him, but we do get to see the real Mad-Eye eventually, and so the next couple years… he’s not dissolved into ashes the way Quirrell is and he’s not permanently memory-revoked the way that…

Andrew and Ning Xi: True.

Eric: It’s yet another way for a DADA teacher at Hogwarts to end up, to wind up. And actually, if we consider Barty Crouch, Jr. was actually the DADA teacher, then he got the Dementor’s Kiss at the end of the year, so it works both ways.

Andrew: One more thing regarding the Amos FaceTime call: He uses the phrase “please-men” instead of policemen. It got me thinking, what would please-men actually be? [laughs]

Eric: Well, they would please everybody. They would be very well-loved and a bastion of their community. They would deescalate heavy conflict, they would probably not carry guns, and they’d just be very pleasing maybe to look at. [laughs]

Ning Xi: Oh, like hot firemen calendars?

Andrew and Laura: Yes!

Eric: Like firemen calendars. Exactly, Ning Xi. You got it.

Andrew: When your cat gets stuck in a tree, when your Mrs. Norris gets stuck in a tree, you call up the please-men and “Please come save my cat, man.” And they’re happy to help grab that cat while looking attractive.

Eric: It’d be a simpler world.

Andrew: And then you give them some toast at the end as a thank you.

Eric: Oh, yeah.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: All right, so anyway, let’s move on to what happens aboard the Hogwarts Express, this chapter’s namesake. So they get on the train and the trio listen in on Draco discussing Durmstrang, and we learn the Malfoys have a fondness for the school because they do not accept Muggle-borns. Which, by the way, is an interesting tidbit because Hermione later goes to the Yule Ball with Krum, so maybe Krum has something to say about that. Or maybe this is actually a little bit of proof that this actually isn’t true?

Eric: I had forgotten this tidbit that Malfoy throws out, and I have to call him on it. This has to be inaccurate, right, that Durmstrang doesn’t take Muggle-borns? And the reason is, it’s one of three magical wizarding schools in Europe, and there’s simply no way that they’re allowing all of these Muggle-born wizards, who can fully wield a wand and use magic, to not be educated and learn how to use it safely. We never see anybody sent to Hogwarts that’s like, “Oh, I would be going to Durmstrang right now, but I’m Muggle-born, hey.” So I just think it can’t possibly be the case that Durmstrang says “Absolutely not” to Muggle-born.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Ning Xi: Could it…?

Laura: Oh, go ahead, Ning Xi.

Ning Xi: I was just thinking, could it be they have this reputation of not picking Muggle-borns, but somewhere along the line they realize, “Yeah, that’s not going to work; we’ll just quietly take them in”? And it’s not really advertised, so people who want to believe what they believe still think that only pure-bloods go to that school, I guess.

Laura: I like that.

Eric: Yeah, so 14-year-old Malfoy doesn’t understand the whole nuance of it. Man, that makes me feel bad that there’s these second class citizen status Muggle-borns at Durmstrang, where they don’t get to come on the ship to Hogwarts. They’re left behind.

Andrew: Aww.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, my thinking is there probably are. I would assume it’s not a large number of Muggle-born students there, but there are probably some, and to be honest, based on who their headmaster is, it’s probably not the most comfortable environment to be in, which got me thinking about this idea: Maybe there are some Muggle-born students at Durmstrang who “pass” as half-blood or pure-blood somehow. I’m drawing real world comparisons and thinking about the ways that white supremacy has dominated all kinds of spaces, but there have been people over time who have been able to successfully “pass” as white so that they can be in those spaces, which is still a dangerous position for them to be in, but it is a real thing that’s happened. So I’m wondering if that’s possible here with Durmstrang.

Eric: Yeah. I mean, all wizarding governments have to abide by the Statute of Secrecy, so to my mind, again, it doesn’t make sense for them to not educate their Muggle-borns, especially how to not allow your magic to explode out of you.

Andrew: I’m also picturing a wizarding world spinoff TV show… where maybe it’s not set at Durmstrang; maybe it is. I don’t think Durmstrang is a particularly appealing school for HBO to sell a premise around. But it would be cool to see a storyline where there’s a Muggle-born undercover going to a school that doesn’t accept Muggle-borns. I think that’d be fun to see them try to project this image of being from a pure-blood family, a half-blood family. I don’t know what the tension would be there, but to me that sounds like an interesting premise.

Laura: I agree.

Andrew: Being almost undercover at a wizarding school and trying to pull it off.

Ning Xi: “Undercover Muggle.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Andrew: The Undercover Boss spinoff we’ve been waiting for. So more about Durmstrang: Draco also likes that the school lets students learn the Dark Arts, “not just the defense rubbish.” Now, I actually could maybe side with Draco here, and I’m speaking as somebody who has used the Dark Arts spells in Hogwarts Legacy, so maybe I’m very biased here. Eric has not, right? You say you haven’t.

Eric: There’s one of them that Eleanor Rigby has not used yet, and it’s the death curse.

Andrew: [gasps] Avada Kedavra!

Laura: Oh, this is news! I thought you originally didn’t want to use any Unforgivable Curses.

Eric: Oh, you have to use two of the others to beat the game, I’m pretty sure. [laughs]

Laura: Well, but I mean, you don’t have to accept it, right? You won’t beat the game, but you can choose not to learn them.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: No, Laura, I must beat the game.

[Everyone laughs]

Ning Xi: Completionist.

Andrew: He’ll do anything except Avada Kedavra to beat the game.

Eric: Yeah, this one seems more plausible, right? That Durmstrang does have a lean towards the Dark Arts. Grindelwald himself went there. This is book canon that it has not just a reputation, but seems to follow through with it. Again, Laura, your point: Their headmaster is a Death Eater – or former Death Eater, arguably. But so this I get, however, the only Dark Arts examples that we have are things like the killing curse, the torture curse, the “Take away your autonomy and make you do whatever I want you to” curse. We know that killing leaves a mark on your soul; Slughorn says so in Book 6, and that’s… can’t really easily get rid of that. So is it actually a good thing that they’re allowed to do Dark Arts? Because all this Dark stuff is leaving tarnish marks and comes at a cost.

Andrew and Ning Xi: Yeah.

Andrew: I just think it would be helpful to learn more other than the “defense rubbish,” just so you have a complete picture of how the Dark Arts work. Am I suggesting Avada Kedavra on another wizard? Of course not. [laughs] Even an animal, wouldn’t want that. Can you set up dummies maybe to give people a test, just like in Hogwarts Legacy, actually, you got some dummies to play with from time to time?

Eric: [laughs] Well, I was going to say, it’s like telling someone, “You can have a little torture, as a treat.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Where’s the line here? And maybe it is like they do in Hogwarts Legacy – I’m pretty sure that this is accurate – you’re trying to get into Salazar Slytherin’s… is it septorium or something? And your friend has to curse you because in order to get in, it needs to experience the curse, and so you both consent and agree to have the curse performed on you or on him or something like that. That’s something I can see being an example of what would happen in a school where they teach Dark Arts. But if you’re being instructed and it’s straightforward pedagogical lesson, I don’t think you can actually give consent. I don’t know how any of this would actually work in practice.

Laura: I wonder if there’s some wizarding world equivalent to the drunk goggles. Did y’all ever have to use those in high school when you were learning how to drive? And they wanted you to experience what it was like if you were driving drunk, so they would give you these goggles that impaired your vision. And they obviously would not put you behind the wheel of a car, but they would ask you to try to walk around and it was really weird. So they were trying to give you practical experience without actually giving you practical experience.

Andrew: For me, drunk goggles are any pair of prescription glasses.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Like Ning Xi, your glasses.

Ning Xi: Yeah, I’m basically blind without my glasses.

Andrew: There you go.

Ning Xi: I just need to take them off and that will be fine.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: You were going to say something; go ahead.

Ning Xi: Yeah, I mean, because I do research in my day job, I’m coming at it from this angle: In real life, we have labs that actually research on viruses like smallpox or actual dangerous chemicals, so I feel like this could possibly be the same case in the wizarding world. So you learn about the theory, or there’s some sort of controlled environment you can learn about that magic so you can develop a counter-curse, because that’s how we try to research and find cures to things. We have to get access to cancer cells, we have to get access to virus cells, things like that. But of course, everything is very controlled. There’s a lot of different laws and regulations you have to obey in order to do that. Example for a chemical lab in Singapore, if you need to buy chemicals that could potentially be used to make drugs or explosives, you actually need to get a license. Chemicals have to be kept under lock and key, you have to sign out every time you take the chemical out, and you have to record down how much you use it. So I guess you could put in regulations to ensure it happens, but you’ll probably be, I guess, mid level. I don’t really see 11-year-olds running around trying to learn that magic.

Eric: Right.

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Laura: That’s true.

Eric: And that’s the thing: After all those regulations, is it really worth learning Dark Arts, then? Andrew, do you still think it’s more valuable than just the “defense rubbish”? And if only seventh years are doing it, then you can’t really say the school as a whole teaches Dark Arts.

Andrew: Yeah, I guess what has me thinking along these ways is in the next book, they have to put together Dumbledore’s Army to actually get prepared for the fight ahead. That’s sort of what I’m thinking along the lines of.

Eric: Yeah, practical…

Andrew: Of course, the Dark Arts are a unique exception, though. And I’m just in a dark questioning mood tonight, it seems. But anyway…

Laura: Because Micah is not here.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Andrew is shook.

Andrew: I’m shook. I’m shooketh. Let’s talk about something else we learn about Hogwarts. It’s funny to read this for the first time now; it’s something it feels like we’ve known since before we were reading the first book. We learn that Hogwarts is hidden from Muggles; Hermione says all they see is a smoldering old ruin with a sign over the entrance saying, “Danger, do not enter, unsafe.” This is also news to Harry and Ron because unlike Hermione, they have not read Hogwarts: A History, I believe is what she said she reads this in. So it begs a lot of questions, though, about how this exactly works, and we really have never found out since then how this goes down if a Muggle tries to approach. So okay, they see that sign, “Danger, do not enter, unsafe.” But we all know Muggles love exploring abandoned ruins. There’s YouTube channels dedicated to this. I have loved going into empty houses nearby. As a child, behind my house there was another abandoned house; I would go into it from time to time. People love to explore. Naturally, Muggles are going to start exploring this smoldering old ruin. So what does happen if a Muggle walks in? Any guesses? Do the Dark Arts come down on them? Do they get Avada Kedavra‘d?

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: I mean, there could be…

Ning Xi: Smited to death.

Andrew: That’s how Hogwarts students get to practice. Sorry, go ahead.

Eric: Yeah, there could be secondary charms and things in place; Hermione maybe is only listing the first one. Because if you look at the Quidditch World Cup, we were told that there was an anti-Muggle charm on it that would make you think that you forgot something at home. “Oh, I left the oven on, crap. I can’t ignore that.” Something like that, where initially, yes, it’s a ruin, but if you go closer, then you forget something or you become convinced that somebody that you genuinely love is in ill health and you need to visit them right away. Some kind of psychological deterrent, in addition to… because you’re right; making it a ruin wouldn’t really deter most people, especially now with all the YouTube traveler people that you’re talking about.

Andrew: And drones.

Ning Xi: Yeah. I wonder if maybe it’s like a mirage. You’re like, “Oh, I would still like to go there,” but you just keep walking towards it, but you never quite reach it.

Eric: I like that idea.

Andrew: That’s really cool.

Laura: I do like that.

Andrew: Imagine that YouTube video. “I see it right there, but I can’t get any closer. There’s like, an invisible treadmill moving the other direction, the opposite way.

[Andrew and Ning Xi laugh]

Laura: Honestly, and this is why technology ultimately breaks the Statute of Secrecy, because with smartphones and all the YouTubers and urban explorers that y’all are talking about that are out there… sorry, there’s no way that you’re keeping the genie in the bottle here. Muggles are going to find out. [laughs]

Eric: Hey, rich of you to think that video cameras would work at Hogwarts anyway or that close to the…

Andrew: Ohh.

Ning Xi: Oh, yeah.

Eric: It’s like going to haunted houses. It would cut out at the right moment and nothing would be picked up.

Laura: Yeah, but I feel like people would still create clickbait content about places like that. They already do. And I mean, think about if some major magical event goes down in a public Muggle space and somebody happens to video it and put it up on YouTube. You’re done. You gonna Obliviate the Internet?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I don’t think so.

Eric: Did you guys see that supposed alien at the mall in… was it Florida or something? There was a huge cop presence and…

Ning Xi: Oh, yeah.

Eric: There’s little click-baity type stuff like that all the time. I don’t know, Laura, you’ve convinced me we have to go to Scotland and try and find Hogwarts.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: Didn’t somebody already do that?

Andrew: Wasn’t there a documentary about that?

Eric: We should videotape it too. Just some friends going and trying to find Hogwarts.

Ning Xi: Get Micah to do that. Isn’t he in Europe now?

Andrew and Laura: Oh, yeah.

Andrew: He’s pretty close.

Eric: That’s it.

Laura: He’s practically right there, right? [laughs]

Andrew: Compared to the rest of us, he’s right in the backyard. I do also like the idea – I can’t remember who said it a few minutes ago, that maybe there’s – maybe it was you, Laura – there’s another rule Hermione doesn’t know about. Maybe the wizarding public at large do not know about, because by revealing it, then you’re giving people more clues about how to bypass these security measures, potentially. Then again, as I say that, we’re also reminded Hogwarts is a security nightmare, so maybe there’s not much else going on.

Ning Xi: True.

Laura: That’s very true. And credit where credit’s due, that was Eric.

Andrew: Oh, sorry.

Eric: Well, and we hear about this deterrent, but we have no examples of Muggles getting deterred, actually, or seeing the ruin. In fact, Jacob Kowalski at the end of the second Fantastic Beasts film walks straight up to Hogwarts, is grinning ear to ear; he can clearly see it. Maybe that man just loves his old ruins.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But then in the next movie is able to walk around in Hogwarts, so whether that’s Dumbledore’s doing or whether this charm is bunco and is actually not a thing at all… what does Jacob see?

Andrew: I could see a special pass being granted when they do want a Muggle to be allowed in. But that should have been addressed, because I feel like this is a big plot point that fans have known about for a really long time, and to just pull that out from under us is surprising. We were owed a bit of an explanation, I think.

Eric: Oh, that’s that whole movie summarized.

[Andrew and Ning Xi laugh]

Laura: Yeah, I mean, let’s be real; that wasn’t the first time that the Fantastic Beasts franchise played fast and loose with canon.

Eric: The sequels.

Laura: My crackpot theory is that they left a loose end there in order to reveal ultimately that Jacob is actually somehow magical, in the event that they ever got greenlit for a fourth movie.

Eric:The Secrets of Kowalski.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: By falling in love with a witch or wizard…

Laura: Right.

Andrew: … I don’t know.

Eric: You retroactively backwards through time can see Hogwarts, a school that Queenie didn’t even go to.

Andrew: No, you become a wizard yourself, is where I was going with that.

Eric: Oh, okay.

Ning Xi: Ohh.

Andrew: You become a half-blood… a half-love-blood… a love-blood… [laughs]

Laura: Right, you make out with a witch and you become magical. [laughs]

Andrew: You’re swapping spit.

Eric: It was the magic of their eventual descendant Anthony Goldstein…

Andrew: Yes.

Eric: … that allowed the great-great-great-grandfather of him, Jacob Kowalski, to see Hogwarts.

[Laura and Ning Xi laugh]

Andrew: Being a wizard, becoming a wizard, is highly contagious. That’s how there’s so many witches and wizards out there. We also learn, just like Hogwarts, that Durmstrang and Beauxbatons are concealed so nobody can steal their secrets. It seems weird to me that even fellow wizards from outside schools don’t know where these schools are. And let’s also remember that students from these schools are coming to Hogwarts, and they’re probably figuring out where Hogwarts is, or they’re going to get some clues, at least, when they look around the castle grounds.

Eric: Ohh, security breach!

[Ning Xi laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, it’s so unfair. And also, that was a quote; they’re hidden so “nobody can steal their secrets.” What secrets are we even talking about here?

Eric: The secrets of Dumbledore, Andrew.

Andrew: [laughs] The secrets of Durmstrang.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: The secrets of Durmstrang-dore. I feel like it doesn’t make any sense in the way Hermione is like, “Well, of course they’re concealed, aren’t they? No one knows where they are.” This is all Hermione, so maybe we take it with a grain of salt. Maybe she’s on her soapbox and just making stuff up. But to your point, somebody has to know where it is, and certainly the kids going… or Harry and Ron, remember, they had to find their way to the school in their second year, and they had to be able to find it to do that.

Andrew and Ning Xi: Yeah.

Ning Xi: I find it very hard to believe that the general country or city that the school is set in is unknown, because no parent is going to send their 11-year-old just wherever.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: That’s true.

Ning Xi: They’ve got to know at least… I can see the exact location being a secret, but the general area should probably be known. Everybody sort of accepted that Hogwarts is somewhere in the Scottish Highlands or something like that, so that would make more sense to me, I feel.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Andrew: I feel like the parents deserve to know, to your point, but this also gets me thinking. This castle is in one place for hundreds of years. Nobody leaks this info ever, where the school is? Even the students who went? And actually, come to think of it, a lot of the parents would probably know where it is because they went to that school themselves.

Eric: Oh, okay, okay.

Andrew: So that’s how they would know, but how about Hermione’s parents? Hermione’s parents can’t ask around and find out?

Eric: Well, they can’t see the school, so even if they go, they’re not going to be able to… [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, they seem like a couple who would get an exception, similar to Jacob, where if you do have a witch or wizard there and you’re a Muggle, you deserve to visit.

Eric: The entire four or six months that Hermione was Petrified in year two, her parents didn’t visit because they couldn’t see Hogwarts?

Andrew: I guess that’s proof that they’re not allowed to visit.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Can you imagine if they got there and saw that and were like, “This is where you live, honey?”

[Everyone laughs]

Ning Xi: “You live like this?”

Eric: Amazing.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, “With all these security nightmares, no wonder we’re normally not allowed to visit.” That’s probably why they’re banned, too, because the school is a mess all the time.

Ning Xi: Yeah. Maybe they sign an NDA.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Ning Xi: Hermione has everybody sign, and if you leak the exact location, you get smited. Just, boom.

Laura: That’s so funny.

Andrew:Avada Kedavra!

Laura: I was going to say, automatic AK like a lightning bolt.

[Ning Xi laughs]

Andrew: That’s how they learn the spell.

Eric: An Unbreakable Vow. Well, Camille also points out in our Discord, “Wouldn’t everyone know where Hogwarts is because it’s walking distance of Hogsmeade?”

Andrew and Ning Xi: Oh.

Eric: And that’s actually another great point, because Hogsmeade is not a hidden village. It’s a very, very famous wizarding dwelling, and major city for the wizards. So yeah, you can pretty much easily figure out where Hogwarts is.

Laura: Yeah, it’s the only all-wizarding village in all of England, or all of the UK, right?

Eric: Yeah, and eventually, you’d know, too, because depending on where your kid is born or where you’re living, you get an invite to a certain school. And so eventually, over many decades, people would begin to pinpoint, “Oh, Durmstrang reached out to me, this must be within the scope or the range of where they pull from.” So it just doesn’t hold up very much.

Laura: Yeah, I agree.

Andrew: A common closing point here on MuggleCast: It doesn’t hold up very much.

[Ning Xi laughs]

Eric: Well, although, I like what Hermione does to deduce that it must be up north and it’s because their uniform contains furs. That’s smart. That’s classic deduction, but it’s really good.

Laura: Yeah. And it makes me think of real life prominent secret places, like Camp David here in the United States where the President will go for… I mean, it can sometimes be long weekend trips, but it’s also to entertain dignitaries from other countries. And it’s not technically public knowledge where exactly Camp David is located, but it’s also not hard to figure out the general area where it is, especially if you live in that part of the country. So I’m sure, very similar to Camp David, if you got too close to Durmstrang or Beauxbatons and they genuinely don’t want you there, there have to be security or alert systems in place to prevent you from ultimately finding it. So I don’t know if that means they’re modifying people’s memories if they get too close. I don’t think that’s what the Secret Service does with Camp David.

[Laura and Ning Xi laugh]

Eric: No, that’s the Men in Black.

Laura: Right. Flashy thing.

Eric: The other thing worth noting is that the reason for some of the secrecy presumably is also to have a safe space for wizards to get spells wrong. So you’re learning these spells; it’s a giant mess all the time… not to mention just the Quidditch aspect of it. I had to think really hard not to say Quizzitch. But yeah, so there’s a good reason why they’re secluded, but that doesn’t mean that their location shouldn’t be known.

Ning Xi: Yeah, I agree.

Andrew: Yes. Okay, so Draco comes into the trio’s compartment on the Hogwarts Express and kicks into bully mode. He’s making fun of Ron’s dress robes and hinting at what’s happening at Hogwarts this year, and the trio is a little humiliated that they don’t know what Draco is talking about. Of course, Draco takes advantage of them not knowing about the thing that is happening, so he starts making fun of them. He says that his dad told him what was happening a long while ago, and he can’t believe Ron doesn’t know what’s happening despite Arthur and Percy working at the Ministry. Draco surmises in front of Ron that Arthur isn’t high up enough at the Ministry to know what’s happening…

Eric: Ugh.

Andrew: … and this comment enrages Ron to the point where he slams the train compartment door shut and shatters the glass.

Eric: Girl.

Andrew: Oculus Reparo. [laughs]

Eric: Honestly, the trolley witch would be on you so fast if this were her job.

[Ning Xi laughs]

Andrew: Oh, those nails would…

Eric: Like, “Defacing school property! Raaahhh!”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Nobody comes out and looks…? I mean, I know it’s a quick Reparo job, but I was just like, “Man, Ron, you really asked for it. You’re going to get the claws now.”

Andrew: Yeah. Well, it made me wonder, should Arthur have told them what was happening at school? I think he could have foreseen this type of situation arising. He knows Draco is a bully, he knows Draco is probably going to come in contact with Ron ahead of the news, and maybe it would have been nice for Arthur to tell him. Does it really matter if he knows ahead of time? I don’t think it does. It seems like a little oversight to me by Arthur.

Laura: I feel like he’s trying to keep the mystery alive for the kids. It reminds me of why parents don’t tell their kids that Santa isn’t real, right?

Eric: Wait, what?

[Everyone laughs]

Ning Xi: What’s Santa?

Laura: But I mean… and I think you could find a number of examples, right, of things that parents like to keep alive for their kids, because it’s mystery. It’s imagination. And this is allowing Hogwarts students to theorize and speculate about what’s coming, so it’s fun, you know? They’re trying to keep the fun alive.

Eric: Yeah, and I think, too, in putting this in context with the previous books, they’ve had really… every student has had two horrific years at Hogwarts lately. So last year, the Dementors are everywhere. No one can get… there’s this escaped murderer; everyone is closely watched. The year before is the Chamber of Secrets being opened, and everyone is in fear and danger and everything. So the adults really seem to think that this year’s Triwizard Cup and the announcement and all the hubbub is going to make up for any recent trauma and recent horrors, and so that’s why it’s a secret, is because they really want to shock the kids into like, “Ah!” and “My God, this is going to be amazing!” and “Wow, I’m so excited.” So that’s why it’s a secret. So I think, keeping that in mind, even though… I mean, I know we’re going to talk about the Triwizard Tournament, whether the tasks are actually that exciting for anyone else to watch or not.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It’s designed to be this huge thing that makes up for the last couple of years of their lives, and so that’s, I think, why it’s a hidden thing. And also, Arthur can’t predict that Draco is going to be this douche, like, “I’m so important. My dad is important. Your dad mustn’t be important.” No one can predict that. That’s just bad behavior.

Ning Xi: Yeah, I feel like this part is more on Draco than whether the adults should have told them, because there’s always that one guy who’s like, “Oh, I know more than you.” Yeah, whatever.

Andrew: Draco does love being that person, doesn’t he?

Ning Xi: He does.


Odds & Ends


Andrew: All right. Well, let’s look at some Odds & Ends. Eric, you want to kick things off?

Eric: Yeah, we mentioned the dustbins and Mad-Eye Moody, but his paranoia reminds me actually of Horace Slughorn, who just two books from now, at the start of it, is on the run and actively trying to avoid Death Eaters as well, and so it’s a nice little parallel between the real Mad-Eye Moody and Slughorn. Both have made some enemies in Voldemort’s inner circle and are just trying to stay ahead of the game, so I definitely thought of Slughorn when I was hearing about Moody and his dustbins.

Andrew: Laura, we mentioned this at the top of this discussion.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Last week, you worked the word “pistons” into the show. You said we were “firing on all pistons,” and I was like, “Who says that anymore?” And then I’m reading this chapter and the word pistons comes up! Did you know it was coming?

Laura: Yeah, definitely.

[Andrew and Ning Xi laugh]

Andrew: Okay.

Eric: Good answer.

Andrew: The line was, “The pistons hissed loudly and the train began to move.” I was just impressed by the coincidence.

Eric: Why wasn’t an alternate title of Goblet of FireHarry Potter and the Pistons Firing”? I don’t understand.

Laura: “And the Fire of Pistons.”

Andrew: What’d you notice, Laura?

Laura: Yeah, so just noticed a real quick mention of the horseless carriages.

Ning Xi: Not going to remain horseless for long.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Watch this space.

Ning Xi: Yeah, this time next year.


MVP of the Week


Andrew: Time for MVP of the Week.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: I’m going to give it to the concept of the dustbin security system. It sounds cheaper than my $99 a year Amazon Ring security subscription, so maybe I’ll look into setting this up outside my home. Thanks, Mad-Eye.

[Eric and Ning Xi laugh]

Eric: I can just imagine visiting you and it’s not deactivated and all of a sudden… [laughs]

Andrew: Some call him mad? I call him fiscally savvy.

Eric: Frugal Moody, yes.

Andrew: Frugal Moody.

Eric: Here we go…

Andrew: Money-saving Moody. Sorry.

Eric: I like that. Good hyphenated; you worked the hyphen in there. I’m going to give my MVP to Draco only because he knows exactly what to say to get to Ron. How does he do it, I ask? Oh, yeah, that’s right, because he has no moral fiber at all.

Laura: I’m going to give mine to Mad-Eye. He’s the second character in a row that we have in this book whose introduction jumps off the page without him even being present.

Eric: Oooh.

Ning Xi: I’m giving mine to Barty Crouch, Jr…

Eric: Yes!

Ning Xi: … for basically pulling this off. It’s a good plan for real; it’s a sound plan, so credit where credit’s due.

Eric: Heck yeah.

Andrew: Okay, next week we will discuss Chapter 12, “The Triwizard Tournament.” The thing will finally be revealed; I can’t take this anticipation anymore! If you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that’s recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. Coming up on bonus MuggleCast, available exclusively on Patreon and through Apple Podcasts, we’ll discuss recent news about Hogwarts Legacy. Like I said, it’s the top-selling game of 2023; Warner Bros. just announced that, and they used the opportunity to also tease what might be in store for Harry Potter fans in the year or years ahead, so we’ll talk about that. Listener support is the reason why we are a weekly podcast even 19 years later. Visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast or tap into the show on Apple Podcasts and subscribe to receive ad-free and early access to episodes plus bonus MuggleCast. If you pledge on Patreon, you’ll also receive access to our livestreams, our planning docs, our Facebook group, our Discord, and so much more, like a new physical gift every year. So thank you, everybody who supports us, including you, Ning Xi!

Ning Xi: Yay!


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question: What spell does Hermione start learning on the Hogwarts Express? And that means in Harry’s fourth year. The correct answer was the Summoning Charm, or Accio, which she’s going to teach him later in the year, so that’s exciting. Little looking ahead bit. Correct answers were submitted, and we have a mix of regular names and fun names, so here we go: Micah’s new French accent…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: … Mrs. Figg-smelling tent; Dumbledore’s beard crumb; Pig’s soggy owl pellet; Dobby and Winky’s child; It’s not just DADA, many teachers in the Muggle world now only last a year; Micah’s fiancée… oh, okay.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Quite the dark episode.

Eric: Learning French and getting engaged; hope he texts us about that. Insert smart pun here; Weaselby; Grindylow Hunter; Justice for Winky; BuffDaddy; Katie; Elizabeth K.; and “Nate, I challenge you to a duel. Sincerely, Luke.” Oh God.

Andrew: Oh, this is getting…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: This is out of hand. You know what somebody else submitted? Okay, somebody else’s name here is “To all of the kids word dueling in last week’s Quizzitch round, I will be the Hagrid and say break it up, gents, break it up.”

Laura: Aww.

Eric: So let’s deescalate here. Also, if I can, I’ll tell you what. These names are really fun, but they take up a lot of time to read, and I challenge our listeners to submit – say for the month, the rest of the month – your regular old given names to Quizzitch. I’m asking you with peace and love…

Andrew: [laughs] I was waiting for that.

[Ning Xi laughs]

Eric: … to just submit your regular names to Quizzitch, or they won’t be read. [imitating Ringo Starr] They won’t be read on Quizzitch.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Wow.

Eric: From this moment forward with peace and love, please. So we’ve had enough of the names for now. The nicknames.

Laura: Have we?

Ning Xi: Wow, so I got in under the wire because mine was read today.

Eric and Laura: Hey!

[Ning Xi laughs]

Eric: Ning Xi, what was yours? What was yours?

Ning Xi: “Insert smart pun here,” because I couldn’t think of a good one. [laughs]

Eric: Aww, you know what? That was neat.

Laura: That was a good one.

Andrew: Eric did say just for the rest of January, right? So a limited time challenge.

Eric: I guess I should have polled you guys first. But yes, let’s just say for the rest of the month, regular names only.

Laura: [laughs] I’m really curious to see if people adhere.

Eric: Well, if they don’t, it’s going to be a shorter Quizzitch segment of all time.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Here’s next week’s Quizzitch question: This one’s a bit interesting. Name two of the three items that Filch has added to the list of forbidden objects at the start of Harry’s year four. There are three items that Filch has added; we’re asking you to name two of them. Could be anybody’s game. Submit your Quizzitch answer with a regular name to us on the Quizzitch form, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: Ning Xi, thanks for joining us today. It was great having you, and again, we really appreciate your support.

Ning Xi: Thanks for having me!

Andrew: You’re so welcome. Thanks for taking off work today for us. Enjoy the rest of your day off.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: I think now it’s not even 11:00 a.m. there, so you’ve got the full day ahead of you. Did you call out sick? Were you like, [coughs] “Too many dustbins last night”?

Ning Xi: I just took like my annual leave. We get 14 a year, so it’s fine.

Andrew: You get a lot more vacation time over there than we do in America.

Ning Xi: Yeah, I mean, I’m already on the low side.

Andrew: Ugh, jealous. 14 days sounds like the extreme high side here in America.

[Andrew and Ning Xi laugh]

Ning Xi: And that’s not inclusive of sick time. That’s a separate 14 days; by law you have to give.

Eric: All right, I’m getting depressed.

Laura: And holidays days, too, right?

Ning Xi: Yeah, public holidays, we get that.

Laura: We’re all coming to Singapore!

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: We’re happy for you. We’re happy for you. And thank you, again, for your support. We really couldn’t do this show without support from listeners like you, and you’ve been such a longtime listener. And you fit right in on today’s episode. Thank you for sitting in the Micah seat. I’m sure if he were here, he would definitely give you a live “Choo-choo.”

[Micah’s “Choo-choo” sound effect plays]

[Ning Xi laughs]

Andrew: Visit MuggleCast.com for transcripts, social media links, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes, and to contact us. That does it for this week’s episode. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Ning Xi: And I’m Ning Xi.

Andrew: Bye, everyone!

Laura and Ning Xi: Bye.

Transcript #640

 

MuggleCast 640 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #640, Rita Skeeter: A Voice For Potter Podcasters (GOF Chapter 10, Mayhem at the Ministry)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Happy New Year to all of our listeners. It’s our first episode of 2024. We’re very excited to be back after a couple of weeks off, and even more exciting, we are entering our 19th year of Harry Potter podcasting.

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: 19 years later. So our birthday will be in August; we’ll have to do something special since, of course, the epilogue is set 19 years after the events of Deathly Hallows.

Micah: Choo-choo.

Andrew: Can’t believe it. [laughs]

Laura: I know, I know, it’s wild. And none of us have children yet, at least that I know of…

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: … so I think the one thing that we can do to really solidify our legacy is when the first MuggleCast baby comes along, should that ever happen, it cannot have a cringy terrible name like the ones that we saw in the epilogue. Let’s all agree to that right now.

Eric: I was going to say, yeah, come July or August, we should all don really, really aged makeup. Prosthetic makeup.

Laura: [laughs] Oh, no.

Andrew: Ooh, yeah.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: And go meet in London and just look really, really old. No, we’ve aged far better than those characters did.

Andrew: Yes. A lot of people might not know, they originally shot the epilogue scene with this really bad makeup. Draco looks awful; it looks like he was 100. He didn’t look like he only aged 19 years.

Micah: He looked worse than Nicolas Flamel.

Andrew: [laughs] They shot the scene, too, at the real King’s Cross, which was very nice, but then everybody looked so bad – I think Ron looked like he was balding – that they decided to reshoot it. They did a better job with aging the characters up. Unfortunately, though, they did not film again at King’s Cross, so we didn’t get that authenticity. But yes, I think we should all look as bad for our big 19th birthday episode this August.

Laura: No, I think that we should provide a lesson to the fandom that hey, actually, 19 years later – because we’re all about the same age that the trio would have been in the epilogue – you’ll look a lot better than what was depicted in the movie. [laughs]

Eric: That’s right.

Andrew: Give everybody hope. Happy 19 years, sorta kinda. And we’re going to be watching our words carefully this week, lest Rita Skeeter twist any statements from this week’s episode to create some hot goss for the Daily Prophet. Today we’re discussing Chapter 10 of Goblet of Fire, “Mayhem at the Ministry.” But first, a couple of announcements. We touched on this I think at the end of last year: Bonus MuggleCast installments are coming to our paid Apple Podcasts subscription starting later this month. For just $4.99 a month, you can sign up for MuggleCast Gold! That’s a new announcement. We’re calling this MuggleCast Gold.

Eric: Andrew, are we sure we want to do this, given the success of other Harry Potter-related things branded gold?

Andrew: You’re referring to the hit subscription service Wizarding World Gold? [laughs]

Eric: Yes. Are we sure that this is an okay name?

Andrew: We’re going to do the gold thing the right way. And ours is like, half the price; I think theirs was $90 or $99, $79…

Eric: Oh, goodness.

Andrew: Ours is definitely cheaper than that. $4.99 a month, you can sign up for MuggleCast Gold and you’ll receive ad-free early access to our main show plus two new bonus MuggleCast installments every month, in which we discuss the latest wizarding world news, our favorite headcanons, we do these introspective looks back at book releases and original titles that JKR was considering, and so much more. We do a lot of really fun one-off discussions. These have been previously available on Patreon, but now they’re also available on Apple Podcasts.

Eric: Yeah, I was going to shout out, too, that some of those bonuses made their way to the main feed as well, as a good sample over the holiday break.

Andrew and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: And I know I’ve said it before on the show, Andrew, but I really do think that this is a good deal.

Andrew: Even at $4.99!

Micah: At $4.99, and here’s why: You’re getting the show, right? And then you’re getting two additional pieces of content. It’s ad-free. What more could you…? You’re paying less than a dollar…

Andrew: You can get it early, too, and you do.

Micah: There you go. And if you think about it, everybody does this probably at least once a week, right? What do you do? You go to Starbucks, or you go to your favorite coffee spot in the morning. How much does your coffee cost?

Eric: More than $5!

Micah: More than $5. So you can get ad-free early MuggleCast, four episodes a month, two bonus MuggleCasts a month.

Andrew: It’s a good deal.

Micah: It’s a very good deal.

Laura: And brew your coffee at home.

Eric: Also, if you walk into the gift shop of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, wherever it may be playing, and you tell them that you’re a member of MuggleCast Gold, I bet they’ll think you’re pretty cool.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Maybe they’ll give you a pin.

Andrew: We’ll give them a little badge. [laughs]

Eric: They might have a pin leftover. Ask them if they have any pins for being a Gold member; don’t specify which Gold, and maybe you’ll be in luck.

Andrew: Oh yeah, I missed that. That was a good idea that they had. Well, anyway, we really appreciate everybody’s support. We couldn’t do the show without you, so that’s why we have set up the subscription programs, because we need your support in order to run this show. Speaking of supporting the show, don’t forget that the MuggleCast overstock store is open. And we had it closed over the holidays; it’s open again. This is where you can buy MuggleCast merch and help support the show, and we have an update: It’s very cold in the northern hemisphere, so MuggleCast is helping you out this winter with the MuggleCast Beanie and Socks Comfy Cozy Combo Pack. So purchase this new combo set for $25; it’s cheaper than buying the socks and beanie separate, and you’ll be warm on both ends of your Muggle body for winter. I was on a cross country road trip over our break; I went through the Rocky Mountains. That beanie was comfortable and kept my head warm as we were cruising at high altitudes and spending a little time outside doing some stretching and all that. So check out the Comfy Cozy Pack, $25. Normally these two items separately would be $35; if you buy the combo pack, they are together for $25, just in time for winter. By the way, Sam, one of our listeners, said of the socks: “These are a unique gift for the MuggleCast fangirly. Well-made socks with bright and bold colors.” Ellie said the socks were “So cute, comfy, and well-made.” And then on the album art, which is also in our overstock store, JenPen said, “Beautiful album art and happy for the autographs.” So we’ve been getting some reviews of the products, which has been fun to read.

Eric: I wonder if she got Dobby or Hedwig as well as the four of us.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Some album art comes with additional signatures, yeah, from characters.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Yeah, what do they call this? Collector’s, right? They’re even more special than the ones just signed by the four of us.

Andrew: You’ll find a link in the show notes to the overstock store. It’s also MuggleMillennial.etsy.com, if you just want to type in the URL directly.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: So let’s get to Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Goblet of Fire Chapter 10, “Mayhem at the Ministry.” And for the first time this year, let’s do our Seven-Word Summary.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Andrew: Arthur…

Eric: … laments…

Micah: … over…

Laura: … a…

Andrew: … problematic…

Eric: … news…

Micah: … cycle.

Laura: Hey!

Andrew: That was perfect.

Laura: Wonderful job, y’all.

Andrew: No notes.

Laura: We’re firing on all pistons at the start of 2024. I just want that on the record.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: All pistons? What is this, 1940?

[Seven-Word Summary music ends]

Laura: Yes, I’m going to start speaking with a transatlantic accent.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I can’t actually do that, so I won’t.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Laura: So getting right into this chapter, it picks up where we left off. Curiously, I noted at the start of this chapter, everyone seems like they stayed overnight. I think I made the assumption at the end of the last chapter that maybe Arthur was trying to keep the kids close and not travel at night, but perhaps some other people left. No, apparently nobody left. When they are leaving the following morning, it is a madhouse trying to get a Portkey. And I thought that it was so odd that nobody seemed to nope out the night before, like… terror attack by wizard Klansmen, and everybody was like, “Eh, it’s fine. We’ll just sleep here and then we’ll go home tomorrow.” What?

Eric: Why should they let that ruin their good time?

[Laura laughs]

Micah: It would seem in situations such as this that it would have made sense to evacuate following the attack. The space is unsafe, as they like to say. It’s compromised.

Laura: Yeah. And any large event should have evacuation plans; I feel like that’s pretty standard protocol. It seems like the Ministry was pretty prepared for tons of logistics around the travel and the arrival of wizards from all over the world. It does seem shocking that there wasn’t any kind of emergency contingency.

Andrew: Maybe they didn’t want to let anybody out because they didn’t want the culprit or culprits to escape. That’s standard procedure, too, in certain situations.

Laura: Yeah, but everybody can Apparate, is the thing. [laughs]

Eric: Well, I think anyone who would likely be the culprit would potentially be capable of Apparating. It is weird that even some of the Weasleys who can Apparate didn’t at least go home to tell Molly everything was fine, because that becomes an issue in the morning as well. They could have, I guess, maybe planned that a little bit better, and yeah, why did they stay? Why do they consent to submit to being in this long line for a Portkey?

Laura: For the plot.

Micah: Andrew, I think this sounds like a security nightmare.

[“It’s starting to sound like a security nightmare!” sound effect plays with sirens]

Eric: Heck yeah.

Andrew: Well, it’s something for them to work on for the next Quidditch World Cup.

Eric: [laughs] That’s for sure.

Laura: Yeah, indeed. Well, on their way to wait in the very lengthy Portkey line, Arthur and the family actually pass Mr. Roberts, the Muggle that we chatted about last chapter, who had himself and his entire family completely traumatized by the Death Eaters. And Mr. Roberts has yet again had his memory wiped to spare him the recollections of what happened to his family the prior night. It’s August, which is notable here. It’s August, but he wishes everyone a Happy Christmas as they walk by. And it’s noted here, Arthur says, “Sometimes when a person’s memory is modified, they’ll be a bit disoriented for a while.” And I was reading this and I was like, “Ya think?”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: You think the man’s going to be disoriented? Y’all have been wiping his memory, you said two chapters ago, about ten times a day for two weeks, because that’s how long the campsite has been open. You’ve been wiping this guy’s memory… you’ve wiped it 140 times.

Eric: Oh my God.

Laura: There is no way this man does not have neurological damage. None whatsoever.

Andrew: Yeah, it’s really sad.

Laura: So I wanted to ask you all, actually, in this case – and I think it can be kind of a controversial question – was wiping the Roberts family’s memories the right thing to do here with this?

Andrew: Like this particular time or just…? [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, this particular time.

Andrew: Well, what’s one more time?

[Micah laughs]

Laura: To remove the trauma of what happened to them, was it the right thing to do?

Eric: I don’t think they had much of a choice. In order to explain what happened to them, in order to make sense of it to them, they would have to break the Statute of Secrecy, for starters, to explain how they were lifted up basically telekinetically, but magically, and tortured. So they don’t have much of a choice.

Micah: What really surprises me, though, is the fact that Mr. Roberts is still there “working.”

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Micah: You would think that his entire family, himself included, would have been taken to St. Mungo’s for evaluation, because presumably, they’re still going to have to continue to wipe his memory as he’s allowing all of these people to exit his campsite. It’s not like it stops at 140; there’s probably a few other memory wipes that are going to have to go on. But I think for the big trauma, to Eric’s point, I don’t think you can not wipe his memory, right? The problem is they’ve wiped it so many other times before on so many inconsequential things, so it just feels like they’re taking as much advantage of him as the Death Eaters did, in a way.

Eric: Wow. Wow.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: 100%. And the reason I wanted to bring this up… I think we alluded to it a little bit on our last episode, but trauma doesn’t just live in the mind, it lives in the body, right? So even if something traumatic happens and you just don’t remember it for whatever reason, your body can very well remember it. So who knows what the Roberts family is going to go through over the course of the next several years as a result of this trauma? Erasing their memories doesn’t actually erase what happened to them, and it feels like a huge disservice that at the very least, there doesn’t seem to have been any attempt to do welfare checks on the Robertses. Like, we never hear about them again and we never hear about any sort of Ministry efforts to do something like this. What about the Pensieve? Eric, you had an interesting point here.

Eric: Yeah, it’s interesting because we’re right in the midway point of the series, and there will be these points inevitably that we bring up of like, “Oh, something from the later books could have helped here.” Well, this is something that something from this book might have been able to help with. Regarding the Pensieve, the way that I believe Dumbledore describes it is that he uses the Pensieve to put memories, truly put memories, out of his mind, and it helps him think better because a man like Dumbledore has got a ton of things to focus on and be rattling around in his brain all the time.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “I’m a busy man.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yeah. Presumably, then, when you put a memory in a Pensieve, you actually don’t have that anymore. And would there have been – potentially, is my question – the possibility to store the memory of last night for the Roberts family in…? Basically just to extract it. You don’t even need a Pensieve; just extract that memory and say, “Goodbye.”

Micah: Let it float away.

Andrew: [laughs] Blow it away like a dandelion. [makes air blowing sound]

Eric: Yeah. Is that something that a wizard could do to a Muggle? Or is it a little bit more complicated? Because then, if that’s possible, why are they even bothering with memory replacement, which is essentially… what a Memory Charm does is say “Nothing bad happened,” instead of “Something bad happened.” Why aren’t they using a Pensieve? Or using actual memory extraction stuff?

Andrew: Well, first of all, it’s presumably less abusive to use a Pensieve over and over again, because we see wizards do it. And as far as I can remember, there’s no downsides. There’s no impact.

Micah: Really? Dumbledore looks constipated when he’s done it.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: Or at least that was the Michael Gambon expression.

Eric: Side effects may include constipation, forgetfulness…

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: See if Dulcolax is right for you.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I do wonder if there’s some sort of elitism going on here amongst Ministry officials in determining when’s the right time to use a Pensieve for Muggles versus just Obliviate-ing their memories, because the Pensieve being able to extract a memory and still hold on to it… you can blow it away like a dandelion, but you can also just put it in the Pensieve. To be able to do that seems very special, and I can almost imagine officials at the Ministry being like, “You know what, we don’t use that with Muggles because we’re going to be storing those memories. This is a sacred privilege that we have, and we’re not just going to let anybody have it.” So that’s the only excuse I could come up with.

Eric: Yeah, they also might, though… the magic of the Pensieve as we’re introduced to later in this very book is that you can see those memories from different angles, and so they could actually use the Roberts family’s memories as additional evidence, essentially. They could take a look at who’s parading them through the streets; they could see if they could identify some of the Death Eaters that came in the closest contact with the Roberts family. It actually seems like a huge potential in trying to get the memories from the Muggles, so…

Micah: Solving the crime.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, basically get a detective on it.

Micah: Yeah. And Laura, I really like the fact that you brought up the point from the last episode about trauma not being what happens to you, but what happens inside of you as a result of what happens to you. And Meg pointed this out, actually, Eric: Yes, I was quoting Dr. Gabor Maté. I’m not sure if folks are familiar with him, but if they aren’t, they should be because he’s probably one of the best thinkers of our time for sure, and an expert on trauma. But in the case of the Robertses, yeah, I mean, because if trauma was what just happened to them, then they wouldn’t be able to go back and heal it, because it would just be the event and the event happened and there’s nothing you can do about the event, but presumably, they can heal what’s happening inside of them. But if they can’t recall why they’re feeling that way, I think that’s a major, major issue, and let’s face it, I know I mentioned this before, but the Ministry is sort of to blame here to start with for putting Mr. Roberts in this situation, putting his family in this situation to begin with. They kind of served him up on a platter to the Death Eaters.

Laura: Yeah, and I think that goes to, Andrew, the point you just made a couple minutes ago about there being this level of elitism and superiority, because we see throughout this series, even some of the characters who are the most well-intentioned good people, characters we genuinely like, kind of look down their nose at Muggles and see them as being less than, and this is how it manifests, right? This is the real world impact of that attitude.

Andrew: Right.

Eric: You nailed that on the head there, Laura. Muggles are not seen as people, and so they aren’t given the kind of treatment… to Andrew’s point as well, elitism, I think that’s exactly it, too, as well. It’s like, “A Muggle, we’ll just give them a Memory Charm two dozen times,” instead of actually using something a little bit more specialized.

Laura: Well, Eric, you mentioned that the Pensieve is an answer that exists in this book that could have been helpful here, but for something that comes along later in the series that could have been helpful here, for Molly specifically, is Patronus messaging. We find out as soon as Mr. Weasley, Harry, Ron, Hermione, et al. get home that Mrs. Weasley has been frantically worrying. She can’t find any evidence of them being alive or dead; she’s freaking out. And as I was reading this, I was like, “Couldn’t they send messages through their Patronuses?” And then I was like, “Oh, wait, that’s later.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: That’s one of those inventions that comes later in the series.

Eric: I think it’s the very next book, so it’s within the next three years of the writing process that we learn about it. And I’m pretty sure the author gave an interview within the next year of this book coming out saying that certain members had something that was the equivalent of the wizarding world’s instant messaging, but it was not yet invented here, clearly, because Arthur surely would have used it to set Molly at ease. And the other aspect of this is it would have been a really cool ring composition moment, because the final book has obviously Kingsley Shacklebolt’s Patronus message showing up at the Burrow, and so we would have at least heard about Arthur sending one in Books 4 and 7.

Andrew: I’m glad we’re bringing this up, though, because it is an interesting look behind the scenes of the development of the series overall. Clearly, there was a ton developed even within Book 1; the world-building was fantastic. But still, there were some things that weren’t invented until later chapters or books, so I think this is a really fun thing for us to point out from time to time.

Eric: Yeah, I mean, in this chapter, “Mayhem at the Ministry,” Molly has been terrified all night and for most of the morning. They’re slowly traipsing back to the Burrow, and as soon as she sees them, as soon as she knows evidence that they’re okay, she freaks out and goes out to meet them.

Andrew: I wonder when she did find out exactly that something went awry…

Micah: I was thinking that too.

Andrew: … because she is clutching – I was just looking it up – the Daily Prophet when they come in. So I would presume maybe the following morning, she saw it through the paper and then got very concerned, because I was also wondering like, maybe Molly should have went to investigate herself.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: Lazy.

Andrew: Just like, at a distance.

Laura: No, that’s so interesting. I think the way I read it, I assumed that she had heard about it the evening before and was freaking out all night, but maybe not. Somebody fact check.

Eric: We know that she has a wireless; she has a radio that she listens to the programs on, at least Celestina Warbeck’s Witching Hour.

Andrew: [laughs] Celestina comes on: “Attack at the Quidditch World Cup!”

Eric: No, that’s what I’m saying. How about “We interrupt this broadcast to let you know that something horrible has happened to potentially your loved ones”? That would absolutely make the cut.

Laura: Yeah. And actually, I want to call out HufflepuffsBadger in our Discord, pointing out that Molly can check the clock. We are reminded of the Weasleys’ very special clock in this chapter; that’s actually one of our odds and ends that we’re going to chat about a little bit later. But yeah, presumably, all of her children and her husband’s hands would have been pointing to “Mortal peril.”

Andrew: [laughs] Sleep well.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: For some period, yeah, last night.

Andrew: You know, it’s actually even worse to hear about it through the clock, because then she’s wondering, “Why are they in mortal peril?”

Laura: “What’s happening?” [laughs]

Micah: And the question would be, when it first clicks over to “Mortal peril,” is there an alarm of some sort that goes off where she would be notified? Because it’s not like you’re going to work or Hogwarts or something like that; it’s pretty serious stuff.

Eric: It makes the sound effect of our foreshadow alert; both are equally pressing sounds.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: I don’t know if I would want this clock. It’s almost like having access to too many people in the Find My app on iPhone.

Eric: Oh my God.

Andrew: You start wondering why they’re in certain places if you get bored and start looking at people. [laughs]

Micah: It’s the early version of BeReal.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That’s true.

Laura: Yeah, oh my God. And then Molly, starting at Book 5, she sends Patronus instant messages to be like, “Oh, I see that you’re in mortal peril.” [laughs] “What’s going on?”

Andrew: “What’s going on? I’m 12 drinks in at the Hog’s Head, Mom. I’m sorry.”

Laura: [laughs] That could be mortal peril.

Micah: And I just want to bring up, Eric, what you said earlier, which I think is worth reemphasizing, that not one Weasley went home. I mean, they have a pretty big contingent at the Quidditch World Cup, and Percy, Bill, and Charlie can all Apparate by themselves.

Eric: Right.

Micah: Presumably, Bill and Charlie can Apparate long distances without any issue. Percy might be a little bit too early on in his training…

Eric: Sure.

Micah: … but Bill or Charlie could have gone home and made sure Molly was not freaking out.

Eric: That “We’re okay,” yeah, yeah.

Micah: So shame on them. Shame on them. Bad kids.

Laura: Well, we’re going to chat about Rita Skeeter and journalism here in a moment, but just to kind of tie a bow on this aftermath theme of this chapter, towards the end of the chapter Harry finally does tell Ron and Hermione about his scar hurting and his dream from Chapter 1. So how did we take Ron’s and Hermione’s reactions to that? It seems like they reacted just in the way that Harry predicted they would.

Eric: I liked reading that part of it where Harry is… because at the beginning of the book, it opens up and says, “Well, what would Ron say? What would Hermione say?”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Harry replays the whole thing, and to see that actually play out is satisfying. It’s like, “Oh, Harry knows his friends.” But what I liked in particular was Jim Dale’s reading of Harry asking Molly, “Have we gotten anything from Hedwig?” and she says “Hedwig? No.” And then a moment later, Harry is like, “Uh, Ron, okay if we put something in your room?”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: And Ron is like, “Uh, yeah, yeah, let’s go up there. Hermione, do you want to come too?” It’s just so not subtle that something has occurred that they need to discuss. But it’s funny.

Laura: Yeah, I think Molly is probably too distraught and exhausted at this point to really pick up on it. I think normally she would. Think about how quick she is to get on the kids anytime they’re doing something that she thinks they shouldn’t be doing.

Micah: Hermione is situationally aware in this chapter. I mean, she is a lot throughout the series, but it really does come through in this chapter, because she’s also the one who makes Mrs. Weasley a strong cup of tea after they all arrive home, and I don’t know that necessarily that’s something a 14-year-old would look to do, right?

Andrew: No, no.

Micah: She’s being a bit of a caretaker. And that’s how she’s behaving at the end of this chapter, too, with Harry saying, “Oh, maybe we should all go to bed, because it’s been a long night.”

Eric: Yeah.

Andrew: But I also understood Harry’s perspective here being like, “No, I do want to play Quidditch, actually,” because he just wants to blow off some steam. Sometimes you want to go for a run after a hard day, or you want to hit the gym and pump some iron after a hard day.

Micah: Bro.

Andrew: People use that as a way to get out any pent-up energy or anger and then they feel good after.

Eric: Oh, boys.

Andrew: Otherwise maybe in Harry’s situation he’d be staying up all night, worrying about the events of the past 24 hours. He needed to let out some steam.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, that’s fair.

Laura: That’s probably right.

Eric: Well, I just appreciate Hermione for her emotional intelligence, to Micah’s point, too, and it’s not a bad suggestion to sleep; it’s just that it’s not the right suggestion for Harry in that moment. And actually, discussing this with Meg, she had a really good point, which was that Ron suggesting Harry play Quidditch to ease his tension, which is what works, showcases how well Ron knows Harry, and may be a foreshadowing of Harry being about to lose Ron, unfortunately. Because when Harry only has Hermione to regulate his mood and as a friend later in this book when Harry and Ron have their falling-out, Harry finds it insufficient. They go to the library a lot more, and Harry begins to miss Ron. Ron knows him much better, I think, in moments of need than Hermione does, unfortunately. Ron knows best in this moment.

Laura: That’s a great point. So looking towards the other half of this discussion, we’re really going to focus on Rita Skeeter, unethical journalism, and Ministry blunders.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: So in the wake of terror at the Quidditch World Cup, this chapter introduces us to the wizarding world equivalent of a gossip journalist named Rita Skeeter. We are going to recap a little bit on what we know about Rita as people who’ve read the entire series, because I think it’ll really help us better analyze her contributions to the book as we’re reading through. So just a reminder that Rita’s ability to acquire information is aided very significantly by her being an unregistered Animagus. She is a beetle. This is perfect setup because we just read all about unregistered Animagi in Prisoner of Azkaban, so this one is kind of hiding in plain sight, literally, several times throughout this story. So I thought that we could keep a Rita count, a beetle count, throughout the book…

Andrew: Oh boy.

Laura: … of all the times that she’s spying or turning up as a beetle. I can only think of maybe one or two examples that I remember, so I’m pretty excited to come across the others because I know there are a few.

Andrew: Yeah, that’s a fun idea. One thing that I noticed when reading this area, Arthur uses the word “ferreting” when talking about Rita, and I’m wondering if the use of that word by the author was almost meant as foreshadowing the Animagus revelation about Rita. The quote from Arthur is, “Rita Skeeter’s been ferreting around all week, looking for more Ministry mess-ups to report.” I just thought it was interesting because of what we later learn about her. I know ferreting is a sort of common word or phrase, but…

Laura: And it feels very British, too, to say, “Oh, she was ferreting around,” but I think you could do a double reading of it.

Andrew: I’m always looking out for foreshadowing in these books.

Micah: I kind of read it as his commentary on the type of reporter she is and the type of news that she likes to write about, and that’s why he used “ferreting” in this case.

Eric: Yeah. I mean, there’s a skill level attached to “ferret,” being able to sneak in and out and retrieve something, too, so it’s not not necessarily a compliment, in some ways.

Laura: Yeah. I mean, to your point, there is skill there. We maybe don’t like the skill, but if you’re being objective about it, it is there.

Eric: I mean, Rita is super cunning.

Laura: Yeah, well, given that we will find out towards the end of the book that she is this unregistered Animagus, she’s a beetle, I thought we could talk a little bit about what beetles represent socially, historically, and I wanted to start with certain biblical translations. So I’ll just preface this by saying that my biblical knowledge is somewhat limited; I was not raised in that context, so I’m interested to hear from people who maybe were, whether that’s y’all or whether that’s listeners. But certain translations have historically referred to the plagues in the Book of Exodus as plagues of a “grievous beetle” instead of locusts. I think that kind of interpretation or translation is to be expected of something as old as a religious text, but there are other significant cultural examples of what beetles represent. I think what’s really interesting is the role they play environmentally; they actually play a really important role preserving our planet by recycling filth, a.k.a. poop, to keep the Earth clean.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: We don’t have a real world poop mountain, but we do absolutely have real world beetles performing in the…

Micah: They’re dung beetles.

Andrew: Nor do we have Evanesco.

Eric and Laura: Yep.

Laura: They’re just out there rolling that poop around. [laughs]

Micah: Dung beetles: very hard to catch in Animal Crossing, by the way.

Eric: Oh.

Micah: Right, Andrew?

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Micah: They’re not easy.

Laura: Probably in real life, too, to be honest.

Andrew: But you’re also bringing this up about recycling filth, Laura, because of her being a gossip columnist.

Laura: Right, exactly. And listen, I’m going to get to this point here in a couple of minutes, but there can be some value to that, depending on timing and whatnot. Some cultures view beetles as being signs of good fortune and rebirth, right? Because again, they’re recycling the filth of the world and making it into something positive. Others view them as unclean, probably for the same reason – they’re just thinking about the poop differently – and even as symbols of evil or bad luck, so I think these are all things that we can connect to Rita in various ways. So I would like us to just keep this in the back of our mind as we read through this book and as we get to know her a little more. We’re also going to find out that she was a journalist during the first wizarding war, and we’ll see her later in the book in the Pensieve sequence where that reveal about Barty Crouch, Jr. being a Death Eater is made. She’s written a couple of biographies; she wrote one about former headmaster Armando Dippet, titled Armando Dippet: Master or Moron? And of course, as we all know, she later went on to write The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore.

Eric: She’s just doing the headmasters. She’s just biographing… she’s the very well-respected lead biographer for Hogwarts headmasters, apparently.

Andrew: She’s the Walter Isaacson of the wizarding world.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: He wrote about Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, many others.

Laura: Right.

Eric: There you go.

Laura: I mean, I’ll be fair, I did not read either of those books. Andrew, were they gossipy?

Andrew: No, no, no.

Laura: Or were they actual legitimate works of nonfiction literature?

Andrew: I did not read the Elon one. I do not want to read the Elon one.

Laura: Okay.

Andrew: I did read the Steve Jobs one. It was good. Actually, speaking about gossipy type of info, I’ve been hearing about the Elon one, is there are a bunch of inaccuracies in it, apparently, so maybe he is kind of like Rita. [laughs]

Laura: Well, what do we think of…? And this is obviously very high level, but when we’re talking about…

Andrew: There it is; Micah found it in his library. Sorry, the Steve Jobs.

Laura: [laughs] Micah’s library has everything in it.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: “Micah’s Magic Library” is the series that I want to see coming to HBO Max.

Laura: Aw, please do.

Micah: Patreon.

Andrew: For our listeners, he just showed off the Steve Jobs one on his camera.

Laura: [laughs] But what do we think of this representation of Rita as a beetle? And these are obviously high level examples of what beetles can represent.

Andrew: Well, I love the examples that you brought up, the recycling filth one in particular, just regurgitating but also bending the truth, which we see Rita do quite a bit. But I also think about how I feel about beetles: They’re ugly, they’re hard-looking… not to say Rita is ugly. [laughs] But they just put you off. They’re hard-looking, mean-looking insects, and I think these are a couple other reasons why her Animagus may have been a beetle.

Laura: I don’t think they’re ugly.

Andrew: [laughs] And I don’t think Rita is ugly; she’s a good-looking lady, for the record.

Laura: I know you’re not. I know you’re not saying that. Also, just shout-out to Miranda Richardson, who was the perfect casting in this role.

Micah: She was awesome.

Eric: Amazing.

Andrew: She was, yeah.

Micah: I was looking in the Discord and LegalizeGillyweed mentioned that her personal headcanon is that Rita’s Animagus is a beetle as a nod to the Beatles’ “Lovely Rita.” Rita Skeeter, meter maid.

Laura: Oh!

Andrew: Oh, interesting.

Eric: That’s fun! [sings] “Lovely Rita, meter maid.”

Laura: I love that.

Micah: We can probably get an orchestral version of that so you don’t get copyright infringement, if we want to use that as the sound effect. I’ll look it up for you, Andrew. Don’t worry.

Eric: For the beetle catch, yeah. You know, I’ll just say I think beetles are actually really pretty. We had Japanese beetles, I think, in our backyard, and their colors just always blew me away.

Andrew: Okay, guys.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: And did you know they use…? It’s actually been scientifically proven that dung beetles use the stars to navigate.

Laura: That’s cool.

Micah: Wow.

Andrew: All right, but they’re still really scary.

Eric: It’s insane. It’s insane. The meaning that I always took away from Harry Potter was this idea that you would call a journalist an insect. She waddles around in the filth, and she’s an insect because she’s so beneath us, or she’s not deserving of full human respect or whatever, whatever, whatever. That’s what I always thought it meant, and not anything deeper. But it’s always satisfying to go into this kind of stuff because the more you think about it, too, recycling information and this other stuff is really compelling, I must admit.

Micah: It’s obvious why she chooses it, because it also allows her to just get into places and situations that anybody else otherwise wouldn’t have the ability to. But I’m also interested from the standpoint of, the beetle can be killed very easily, and especially thinking about how common it is for people to swat bugs, was she never concerned that somebody wasn’t just not going to be like, “Boom,” and Rita’s gone?

Andrew: [laughs] Or capture her in a glass jar?

Micah: Well, that’s coming later.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Well, I bet she’s constantly worried about that after the events of this book.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, it’s a good thought.

Micah: But if you’re Sirius, you’re a dog, right? If you’re James, you’re a stag. You’re intimidating.

Andrew: Well, but if you’re small, you’re easy to…

Micah: Conceal.

Andrew: … it’s easy to sneak around, whereas if you’re a dog, it’s not easy to sneak around.

Micah: Yeah, I know. But what if Trevor ate her?

Andrew: Yeah, well, I guess you’ve got to keep your distance from any foes.

Micah: I guess that’s part of the… yeah, you’ve got to be smart.

Andrew: There’s no perfect solution, I suppose, unless you’re just invisible.

Laura: And I think she’s being portrayed as the type of journalist who will do anything for the story, right? And that extends to this, to potentially compromising her own safety, which a lot of journalists in the real world do all the time, journalists that are way better than Rita. But speaking of Rita, she is creating some work headaches for Arthur and Percy in the days following the Quidditch World Cup, so they’re both having to put in long hours at work because of her sensationalist reporting about the terroristic events of the Quidditch World Cup. And it is noted fairly early on in discussions of Rita Skeeter… I think it’s Bill who says, “Rita Skeeter never makes anyone look good,” so that’s the first I think real introduction that we get to her as a character, is this depiction of her being just the kind of journalist that is never going to print anything nice about anybody.

Eric: I mean, in addition to her putting herself in danger by being a beetle and maybe being stepped on – we were just talking about – she’s also not making any friends this way. Her chosen style of journalism does put her, I think, at further risk, because she really doesn’t have anything nice to say. And this is sensationalized journalism; Rita obviously represents a much larger but very real concept, and something that we… in Britain, the tabloid situation for many decades has been way out of hand, even more so than it has been in other places of the world, so a sensationalizing journalist who’s unafraid to make things entirely up – has no ethics – is a very important character, I guess, to showcase in this as this politicking is going on.

Micah: I’m glad you said that, though, because this also continues to world build for us, and we’ve talked about that a lot at the start of this book. And of course, we’ve heard of the Daily Prophet before, but now we’re introduced to an actual “journalist” in Rita Skeeter, and we start to see how the media plays a role within the wizarding world through her as a character and through comments like Bill makes about her, right? How the media is perceived, how certain journalists are perceived; and I know we’re going to talk a little bit more about that later, but just wanted to bring that up. And Laura, I was thinking about this because I know we often talk about work, but Arthur pulls one of those situations where the next day he’s like, “I gotta go to work, I gotta go to work,” and Molly is saying to him, “No, Honey, relax. Take the day… you were in a very stressful situation.” And we’ve all been there where we’re like, “No, gotta go. I gotta go to work.” And Percy, of course, too.

Laura: Well, especially if you feel like you’re the one who messed up, which Arthur does. Whether there’s any merit to him feeling that way is another conversation…

Eric: Sure.

Laura: … but he is the unnamed Ministry official who gives Rita a quote that is then used in this article that’s really just intended to slander the Ministry and point out, I think, some of the same criticisms that we’ve had of them over the course of this event, so Arthur feels responsible.

Andrew: And he enjoys his job, right? So this is a unique opportunity for him. I know it’s hard, I know it sucks, I know it’s stressing him out, but he also feels like “This is my time to shine,” in a way. Like, “I’m going to get involved in this situation and help resolve it.”

Micah: But it’s not his department. He should stay in his lane.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: It is kind of, though, company culture, right? When you feel that loyalty to the system, essentially.

Micah: Exactly.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Eric: And that is Arthur. He’s a company man.

Andrew: Clearly a workaholic if he wants to keep going in. [laughs]

Eric: Well, there’s that as well. But yeah, he feels personally responsible, and even if he weren’t like, not mentioned by name but quoted anyway in a Prophet article, it is this culture of “All hands on deck” at the Ministry because they need as many people as they can get to run interference, basically, now that the journalism aspect is becoming a problem.

Laura: Yeah. And Rita really adds fuel to the fire by noting that several bodies were removed from the woods after the Dark Mark was cast. And we didn’t see anything in the last chapter to substantiate those claims at all, so this is just Rita writing what she thinks it is people want to read, and she goes into that philosophy a little later in the book when we meet her.

Eric: This is where she crosses the line, to me. This is just straight up fake news. She knows there’s no bodies, but posting “Oh, the rumors of the bodies…” It’s actually irresponsible. It’s sensationalist journalism.

Micah: Clickbait.

Eric: It’s clickbait, but the story is sensational without her making this stuff up, and so for me, where she fails the integrity test is stoking those fears of bodies and starting just straight up lying. I’m sorry; there’s exaggeration and there’s lying. The bodies coming out of the woods? That’s a lie.

Laura: Well, and she’s shielding herself too. It’s the same thing that you see in gossip magazines; you’ll see these allusions to rumors, or friends of X person have said, and it’s like, this isn’t a real thing. This is just something that you’re printing to sell copies, but you can’t state it as a fact, so you’re going to say it’s a rumor.

Andrew: Also, her higher-ups at the Daily Prophet are to blame here as well. They should be asking, “Well, who are your sources?” Bodies? I mean, that’s a bold claim to make, saying that bodies were pulled out.

Eric: Right, she needs an editor, to be like, “You can’t say this without… you need to give up your source.”

Andrew: And presumably she has one, but they’re letting this go, too, so the Daily Prophet is very irresponsible as well.

Eric: Yeah, that’s a good… if Rita has an editor, they’re as morally bankrupt as she is. [laughs] Because the stuff she gets away with this whole year is insane.

Laura: Hey, it sells. What is it? What’s the saying? “If it bleeds, it leads”?

Andrew: If it bleeds, it leads. Yep.

Eric: Oh, man. Well, and bad news is good news, or all news is whatever…

Andrew: Everybody listening, watch your local news tonight on television. What’s the first story they feature? Somebody getting killed in your city. And unfortunately, it’s indicative of a larger problem in this country, but if it bleeds, it leads. That’s what gets people’s attention right at the top.

Eric: Man.

Laura: We can give Rita a little bit of credit here because Arthur also mentions that part of the damage control, part of the interference that he’s having to run, is because due to all of Rita’s buzzing around over the last few days because of these events, she found out about Bertha Jorkins’s disappearance. Credit where credit’s due. Was she ethical about how she did it? Absolutely not. But is this a case where Rita’s particular style of journalism, lacking in integrity though it is, is doing an actual public service?

Eric: Well, look, I think there’s very important points even that Rita does make, like the things she says about there being lax security and a national disgrace that the Death Eaters got to parade around. She’s not wrong.

Laura: No.

Eric: That’s absolutely 100%. Dark wizards running “unchecked”? Absolutely; that’s exactly what happened. So I don’t think that there… we cannot fault her for saying some things because they’re absolutely true and fair, and people should be questioning the government when a blunder like this happens or when somebody like Bertha Jorkins disappears. The fact that he – meaning Bagman – is outed in this chapter as not having done any searching… because Percy alludes to the fact; he’s like, “I told Bagman to do some searching.” The fact that he hasn’t, good, because they have done… everyone has failed Bertha Jorkins. And Rita Skeeter, it just takes somebody like her to be like, “This is a nightmare.” And is she exaggerating? Actually, this case, no. It’s a nightmare.

Andrew: In some ways, she is the much needed voice for critical Harry Potter podcasters like us.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: We’re out here making these accusations against the Ministry and the wizarding world and all the issues. We can’t criticize her! We’d be throwing rocks in a glass house.

Eric and Laura: Wow.

Andrew: We stand with Rita here at MuggleCast.

Laura: Oh, no. [laughs]

Andrew: Lax security.

Micah: So you agree that she saw Dumbledore for who he was.

Andrew: I didn’t say that. [laughs]

Laura: Oooooh…

Andrew: Is this how you want to start the year, Micah?

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Micah: Well, she wrote a book.

Andrew: I must admit that I do have the Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore

Micah: From MinaLima.

Andrew: … MinaLima print framed in my home, so yes, actually, Micah, I am saying that.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: Whoa. Andrew, you spent all of 2023 touching grass…

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: … and now you’re starting out 2024 saying that Dumbledore is a liar and a fraud. I can’t believe it.

Andrew: No, I still need to stand with all my Dumbledore fans who listen to the show.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: We’ve put him in a corner here. He’s in a corner.

Andrew: Don’t worry, I won’t let you down. I’ll burn that print from MinaLima tonight.

Eric: Oh my God.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I mean, it was several hundred dollars. But I’ll burn it for you all. [laughs] In solidarity.

Eric: There has to be an alternative.

Andrew: It’s signed by them.

Laura: Please don’t.

Micah: I will say, it is nice to see somebody challenging the Ministry just given how much we’ve seen and will see the Daily Prophet be a mouthpiece for them, thinking as we move forward in this book into Order of the Phoenix.

Eric: Exactly, exactly. I think the real solution here is just to have more journalists. I mean, Rita is the only journalist we ever meet, and she goes way off the deep end, but that’s not a reason to say we shouldn’t have any journalists, right? And to your point, Micah, of somebody challenging the Ministry, absolutely. But somebody should also be out there; another journalist should be challenging Rita. There should be two, at minimum, investigative sensationalist journalisms given equal bylines in the Daily Prophet, where you can read the perspective of more than one person. And hopefully, hope to God, hope to Merlin, they hire somebody with more integrity. But if there was just somebody else out there doing the work that Rita is doing, she would be forced to toe some line or be more of the middle ground, or people would appreciate her eccentricities because they would never venture into that territory of utterly absurd, or she would lose viewers to the person that was doing the more balanced, level-headed stuff. So this is a situation where more competition would breed better, I think, moral ground.

Laura: I hope so. But honestly, people love sensationalism. I mean, look at our own media, right? I mean, you see some of the most sensational lies being the outlets that get the most attention, the most viewership, readership, what have you, and I think that’s exactly what Rita is meant to represent here. Presumably there are other journalists who work at the Daily Prophet; we just don’t hear about them.

Andrew: This also ties into what we were talking about a few minutes ago with Rita being allowed to publish that bodies may have been pulled out of the forest. In a way, the fact that that got through was a canary in the coal mine for what we would later learn to be more corruption at the Daily Prophet.

Laura: True.

Micah: Right. And I would say the biggest challenge, Eric, to Rita is, of course, Xenophilius and the Quibbler, but the issue there is that they’re not taken seriously for their journalism. They’re just seen as crackpot.

Eric: Well, and Xenophilius is unhinged.

Micah: Yeah, but there is truth in some of what he writes, right? A smidge?

Eric: You’re right, but there’s nobody in-house. The United States used to have something called the Fairness Doctrine, and it required investigative stuff like this, matters of public interest, to be given broadcast time for both sides of an argument, and Rita Skeeter instead is able to run roughshod, publish anything that she wants, presumably without any level of needing to censor herself. And this is what allows her as the book goes on to relentlessly smear Hermione and all of the other crazy things that happen throughout the years. So it’s all because nobody is really making sure that there’s any kind of level or balanced or reasonable thing being in the print media.

Laura: Yeah, I think she’s also a representation of the British tabloids, which are a whole different level of gossip journalism that I think, based on events of the last 10 years or so, I think we’re all pretty familiar with. But British tabloids can be particularly vicious, and I really think particularly with regard to how Rita treats Hermione in turning her into a villain, I think that’s her place here. And unfortunately in this story, the Ministry is rubbing shoulders a little too closely with the Daily Prophet as the series goes on. Something I thought was interesting about Rita, and now thinking about Molly, is that Molly clearly recognizes that Rita Skeeter is a hack in this chapter. She tells Arthur not to let this woman “ruin whatever time off you have; she’s a hack.” I forget exactly how she referred to her, but it’s clear that Molly has no love for Rita Skeeter. But then later on in the book, she laps up everything Rita says about Hermione and treats her horribly. I thought that this was so interesting, and I was wondering why we think that is.

Eric: I think that Rita’s comments negatively trigger Molly’s mother instinct for Harry, and it’s one of the few subjects… one of the few ways to get Molly to turn on anybody is to make her think that one of her sons is being abused. That’s the only way that that this person could appeal to Molly. But because people who believe something unpopular need that verification; they need to believe that they’re good people. She then switches over and is like, “No, Rita Skeeter…” There’s no thought to it, because she needs to justify protecting Harry at all costs, so she’s now going to believe this person that previously she wouldn’t have given two inches to.

Andrew: Yeah, Harry is sort of her North Star, so I like your point that you’re bringing up about “gotta protect Harry at all costs.” I wonder if she’s also carried a little disdain for Hermione in the background…

Eric: Maybe.

Andrew: … and now some of that’s being brought to the forefront with Rita’s reporting.

Laura: I don’t know.

Eric: It occurs to me… what you were saying, Laura, a moment ago about Rita Skeeter being against the Ministry, but the Daily Prophet in the future always being the mouthpiece of the Ministry… I think what changed at the end of this book is when you’d usually have somebody like Rita calling things out and being negative about the Ministry, that’s when Hermione has captured her. And so Hermione might actually negatively impact the future of the wizarding world, because by removing Rita from the equation, the only people publishing at the Daily Prophet are the ones that are going to say what the Ministry wants them to say, and not somebody like Rita, who probably would have found something unpopular to say government-wise.

Laura: Yeah, I wonder how long they would have kept her on as a reporter at the Daily Prophet. I can definitely see them parting ways with anyone who doesn’t toe the line. But it’s a good point, that not having Rita’s voice out there… and it’s unfortunate, too, because I think we’re establishing that she has her moments where she’s right, but she’s not leading with the being right. She’s not leading with doing the right thing; she’s not leading with the ethics of it. She’s leading with salacious details, juicy stories, hot goss, as the kids say, and that just, I think, removes any validity from anything she brings to the table, right? She doesn’t care about Bertha Jorkins; it’s just a juicy story. “Incompetent Ministry official loses one of his department members for four months, doesn’t report it.” That’s really what she’s looking for.

Eric: Yeah.

Laura: So obviously – I think we’ve touched on this quite a bit – we’re all pretty familiar with the real world consequences of this brand of journalism. Clearly, media literacy is as much a problem in the wizarding world as it is in the Muggle world. So I wanted to ask for an honesty moment. This is a safe space, everyone…

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: … but have any of us ever been caught up in following salacious gossip-based reporting? I have.

Andrew: Oh, following. At first I read this as, “Has anybody been reported on in the gossip rags?”

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: No, no, no!

Andrew: Well, the reason my mind…

Laura: I mean, I know you have, Andrew.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, so briefly, I’ll just…

Micah: Yes to both for Andrew.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: To answer your actual question, Laura, yeah, some gossip is fun to read. I used to be really into PerezHilton.com, and I still enjoy reading TMZ, even though, believe it or not, I find a lot of that actually fact-based. But a lot of people might not know there was actually a gossip rag for the Harry Potter fandom called the Acid Quill, and this was a real thing that two people were running. I later found out who wrote it; years and years later I found out who wrote it/was running it. But they were “reporting” [laughs] on things that were happening at fandom events, and there was some reporting on me at one point. I’m sure you all were mentioned at other points.

Eric: Not me. I escaped.

Laura: No, I was not important enough.

Andrew: Well, you all are just angels, aren’t you? [laughs]

Eric: Yes, we are, and that’s the point.

Andrew: No, but it didn’t report anything bad about what I was up to, but it was a little spooky because somebody… information was being leaked. And they later apologized for it; they were kind of teenagers who were doing it, who were…

Laura: Yeah, it was creepy, though, because they managed to get pictures of people at parties that were not open. And not just Andrew, I mean; other prominent figures in the Harry Potter fandom were being written about and gossiped about. It was wild.

Andrew: Yeah, the details are what were disturbing me. I can’t say I remember any photos. But it was rough; I didn’t like it.

Laura: Oh, do you remember how they would get people’s AIM transcripts?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: No, I don’t remember that.

Micah: Wow.

Laura: I remember that. That was awful. Anyway.

Eric: I wonder if I can recruit them to get mine and Emerson’s old AIM transcripts for me, because I miss those conversations, away messages…

Laura: Did you have a bunch of fights with him over AIM? Because I think everybody did. [laughs]

Eric: Well, probably not. I mean, I’m pretty sure it was like, “Hey,” and three days later was it like, “Hey, how’s it going?”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: “Not bad, just read a book a day,” something, something. [laughs]

Micah: “Love my hat. Thank you.”

Eric: “Thank you. Thank you, sir.”

Micah: “Go Irish.”

Laura: [laughs] Well, I will say that I have definitely found myself getting caught up in this kind of journalism, and it’s not even necessarily journalism as it relates to celebrities or pop culture. I have definitely found myself following certain political stories where there’s a gossip angle probably a little more closely than I should have, especially if it was somebody that I didn’t like. Just being totally real with y’all. Like, yeah, it’s human. I’ve done it.

Andrew: Yeah, for sure.

Eric: And definitely this sense of closeness, or like you personally know somebody who’s a celebrity or a government official, is a very attractive failing of the human race. A psychological thing that we do… it brings us joy to feel close to the Kardashians; it makes us feel like we… we either live vicariously through something or we hate-watch their relationship tank. There’s a lot of social aspects to the psychology behind why this kind of news that Rita Skeeter is putting sells. And so to your point, Laura, I think yeah, it is. It is totally normal. It’s certainly prevalent, and it is a lot in the real world.

Andrew: People naturally enjoy watching a train wreck. We love mess. We like watching the s-show.

Eric: Give me the tea. Give me all the tea.

Micah: Well, I also think that…

Laura: And in that way, we’re not so different from wizards.

Andrew: Right.

Eric: Wow.

Micah: That’s true.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: But I think we subscribe to forms of media that fit our belief systems, but that doesn’t always mean that those forms of media are truthful, and I think you have to look really hard to find unbiased journalism. I think you may not find it anywhere, to be quite candid, right?

Andrew: True.

Micah: Because there’s always some personal element that’s factored into what that particular story is.

Andrew: A personal bias.

Micah: Yeah, it’s probably an unconscious bias on some level. And I was thinking specifically… I mean, yes, it could be very easy for me to sit here and say, “Yeah, Fox News, fair and balanced? Yeah, right.” But I was thinking more so in this case of the New York Times, right? Their tagline is “All the news that’s fit to print,” but isn’t that just them printing the news that they see fit to print?

Andrew: Yes.

Micah: Because there’s plenty of other news out there. So I thought I would…

Eric: I think that’s it, like the Washington Post too, as well, had to disclose I think at a certain point the disclaimer of who owns them, right? And when you have these major, major, major news conglomerates being owned by corporations, you’re not getting unbiased news.

Laura: Right.

Eric: You’re getting the most politically appropriate news that’s politically appropriate for the company that owns that news outlet, and don’t kid yourself that there’s anything other than that happening. So the Daily Prophet being the wizarding world’s only real established source of news that we see is a huge problem, just because again, there’s none of that competition going on. There’s none of that desire for truthfulness.

Laura: Yeah, that’s such a great point.

Eric: So follow MuggleCast on Truth Social. We’re starting…

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Yeah, everything we say, you’d totally believe.

Eric: Your unbiased news source.

Laura: Yeah, if we did that, I would quit the show. [laughs]

Eric: [laughs] I would quit the show too. Oh, man.

Laura: Anything else apart from… I’ll just say this, y’all: Read your local news. You’re going to get a lot of really good reporting out of your local news. Local news goes very under-appreciated.

Andrew: And read multiple sources.

Laura: Yes, oh my gosh.

Eric: Yeah, media literacy right is like, please have some.

Andrew: So important. One of my favorite classes I took in college, media literacy. And I was actually just reading earlier today, states are slowly but surely starting to require media literacy classes. And to be clear, that’s understanding how to check sources, make sure you’re getting the right information, understanding what might be happening behind the scenes at media outlets, etc. Important class.

Laura: Too little too late, some might say.

[Andrew laughs]


Odds & Ends


Laura: But anyway, let’s move into some Odds & Ends. So I wanted to give Mundungus Fletcher a shout-out; he gets briefly mentioned in this chapter. He’s trying to commit, I think, the wizarding world equivalent of insurance fraud.

[Micah laughs]

Laura: He’s trying to get the Ministry to reimburse him for a much more exquisite tent than what he had, which was described as like, a coat propped up on a few sticks. [laughs]

Eric: Sticks, yeah. And he wants a 12-bedroom ensuite with jacuzzi.

Andrew: Fraud.

Eric: It’s fraud. But maybe first mention of Mundungus Fletcher?

Laura: Yeah, I think so.

Andrew: Ooh.

Laura: Ron also receives those horrid, horrid dress robes that are on his school list.

Eric: And featured as a bonus outfit in Hogwarts Legacy.

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Laura and Micah: It is.

Micah: But Mrs. Weasley really doesn’t do Ron any favors here. And in the movie, we hear that these robes were hand-me-downs from somebody in his family, but it actually sounds like these were purchased, most likely at a secondhand store. But Ron is kind of the runt of the litter and he ends up with all the hand-me-downs. We look at Scabbers, his first wand… and I was just thinking to myself, both Bill and Charlie are employed. They couldn’t help Ron out from time to time with some nice things?

Andrew: Well, and also, Harry says he wishes he could give the Weasleys half his fortune. Why not just buy Ron a new dress robe set? He could.

Micah: He could, 100%. Especially given everything that the Weasleys do for him, right?

Andrew: Yeah, and Molly doesn’t have to know.

Laura: Yeah, I think he would if they would let him.

Micah: This will put Ron in a really bad situation. When he gets it in the movie, it’s in front of everybody in the Great Hall, and he makes the joke that it must be for Ginny, and Ginny is like, “No, it’s actually for you,” and everybody laughs at him and then he looks terrible when he goes to the Yule Ball. I just feel like Molly could have a little bit more care when it comes to Ron.

Eric: I forget where I saw this point, too, but Molly could sew something; she could fix it herself. She could get rid of some of that lace, maybe take it in a little bit, make it a little bit more masculine-presenting, instead of embarrassing Ron and then insulting him, saying if he runs around naked, it would be a sight to see. Unbelievable.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: “I could use a laugh.”

Eric: But Ron leaves this chapter on such a down note. I mean, Pigwidgeon takes that exact moment to start choking on a biscuit or their food or something, and he’s like, “Why is everything I own rubbish?”

Micah: Because he probably realized how bad that thing looked too.

Eric: I know.

Laura: Probably.

Andrew: And that was the closing line of the chapter. “Why is everything I own rubbish?” It was quite the downer of a way to end the chapter.

Eric: It’s a real downer.

Laura: I know. Poor Ron.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Laura: Honestly, if I were him, I would just take my regular school robes and ask one of the professors to just change the color of the robes, because Harry’s robes are described as just looking like his school robes, but they’re emerald green. It seems like there could be some magic worked.

Eric: Well, they’re fourth years at this point; they should be able to alter garments themselves, change the color of this thing. Come on, that seems pretty easy, right? To your point about hand-me-downs, too… and Bill and Charlie, maybe none of them ever had dress robes that they could just give Ron, and that speaks to the uniqueness of the Yule Ball, which is not being mentioned yet. There’s been no call for formal school robes at Hogwarts in possibly the entire time since before Bill and Charlie went to Hogwarts, so it’s actually a big deal that’s masquerading as… where the only talk we get of it is Ron’s disappointment.

Micah: Yeah, but they could have bought him robes.

Eric: Yeah, it’s fair.

Micah: They’re both cool. They could find something suitable.

Laura: Yeah, I think so. Moving on here, Harry reminds Ron and Hermione and the reader of Trelawney’s prophecy from the end of Prisoner of Azkaban about the Dark Lord’s servant returning to him and the Dark Lord will rise once again. So again, another really nice connection to Prisoner of Azkaban from this early point in Goblet of Fire. We know that Fred and George are noted as quietly working on something; we don’t yet know what it is.

Andrew: And Molly is already talking smack on Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes…

[Eric groans]

Laura: I know.

Andrew: … which kills me because this was right after saying she regretted her final words to the boys about their OWLs before the Quidditch World Cup, and now she’s already back to her old ways. Did you not learn anything? I thought you did. You were a wreck. You were like, “Oh my God, I can’t believe the last time I’d seen you before the Quidditch World Cup, I said something bad.” And now here she goes saying something bad again!

Eric: Well, to their credit, they call her out on exactly that.

Andrew: Yeah, and she even laughs.

Eric: Well, but she knows that they’re persistent. And that’s the best and worst quality of the Weasley twins, is their persistence, and so they very well could be up to something negative. We know they’re not; they’re trying to draft a letter. But they could very well be printing up more order forms.

Micah: And along these lines, I know I’m always the one that gets called out for being a savage…

[Laura laughs]

Micah: … but Eric, actually you shared a transcript very recently: Episode 210, when we last discussed this very chapter. Laura, to this very point, said, “Yep, she’ll be regretting that one in three years.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Oh my God.

Laura: Listen…

Micah: It’s the Ravenclaw blood, the sarcasm.

Laura: It is. It’s there. But I feel like… I don’t know. I feel like I’ve become more subtle, 19 years later.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Yeah, you’re not in it for the shock value anymore.

Laura: No, I’m not. I’m not. I was Rita Skeeter back then. How long was that episode ago? 13 years, you said?

Eric: Yeah, 13 years, two months.

Micah: Oof.

Laura: Yep. And then finally here, Hermione thinks that it’s lucky that Rita hasn’t found out how Crouch treats his house-elves. In response to learning that she has found out about Bertha Jorkins, Hermione is like, “Oh, well, Crouch is lucky that she hasn’t found out how he treats house-elves.” And I think what Hermione is missing here is that the sad reality is that this treatment is so commonly accepted that it would never create the necessary shock to sell papers and thus would not be reported on.

Eric: Yeah. I think that’s more of a conversational retort that Hermione is trying to get a word in edgewise, but unfortunately, this whole book she doesn’t really have a case to state. There’s no shock about the elves being mistreated.

Laura: No.


MVP of the Week


Andrew: All right, well, that is the chapter, and now it’s time for MVP of the Week.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: Going back to something we brought up a couple minutes ago, I’m going to give my MVP of the Week to Ron, specifically for the line, “Mum, you’ve given me Ginny’s new dress” when presented with his new dress robes.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: I thought that was very funny. And sorry, Ron.

Eric: I’m sure she does the laundry all the time. That must happen in a house with so many kids.

Andrew: Right.

Eric: Like, “Oopsie.” I’m going to give mine to Mundungus Fletcher trying to get a big, big tent from the government. Bless him for trying. I don’t dislike Mundungus yet. He’s great.

Andrew: Yet.

Laura: So far. Controversially, I’m going to give mine to Rita Skeeter.

[Andrew gasps]

Laura: Not because I like her, but because she is genuinely the most interesting thing that happens in this chapter.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: And her entire character arc is really interesting to me.

Micah: And she’s not even there. That’s the best part.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: She’s not physically there.

Laura: I know, she’s not even there; she carries such a reputation.

Andrew: That’s how you know you’re good.

Micah: And I’m going to give it to Basil, [pronounces it BAY-zil] who is the master…

Eric: Basil. [pronounces it BAH-zil]

Laura: It’s Basil. [pronounces it BAH-zil]

Micah: I don’t know; however you want to pronounce it. The master of the Portkeys. That man was very busy the morning after the Quidditch World Cup.

Eric: It was such a stressful job.

[MVP of the Week music ends]

Andrew: Well, I think we had a good start to the year with Chapter by Chapter. If you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or by using our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. Next week, we’ll discuss Chapter 11 of Goblet of Fire, which is titled “Aboard the Hogwarts Express.” And we will also enjoy one of our Slug Club patrons.

Micah: Choo-choo.

Andrew: Yes. Well, Micah, I mean, you’re not going to be here next week, so we’ll just have to play this sound effect again and again.

[Micah’s “Choo-choo” sound effect plays]

[Micah laughs]

[Micah’s “Choo-choo” sound effect plays]

Andrew: So you’ll be here in spirit.

Micah: Correct.

Andrew: And you’ll really be in Paris. Have a nice time.

Micah: Thank you.

Eric: Yeah, Micah, are you going to check out the Circus Arcanus? I hear they’re in Paris.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Yeah, I will…

Andrew: [laughs] You sound so excited.

Eric: Please take pictures of the French Ministry.

Micah: Yeah, I want to make sure I see them before they move to Orlando for their permanent residence.

Andrew: [laughs] We can do the bonus MuggleCast on that, actually.

Micah: But Père Lachaise, right? Probably cool to check out.

Eric: Oh, please go.

Andrew: Please go! I’ve never been. I would love to go to Paris. That’s next on my…

Micah: And I will be in London afterward, so I am headed to the Studio Tour and will report back.


Quizzitch


Andrew: All right, well, it’s time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last year’s last Quizzitch question: What did Rita Skeeter once called Bill Weasley in an interview with Gringotts curse-breakers? The correct answer is a “long-haired pillock.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Which, at least it wasn’t me she called that. Correct answers; here are the winners for the last Quizzitch of last year. Justice for Winky; Mrs. Finnigan’s Irish wristwatch; The hella good boat Arthur made for Ludo Bagman; Bill and Rita totally got their Skeeter on; Pilbus Dumbledore’s Christmas cookies; Mundungus Fletcher’s 12-bedroom tent with ensuite jacuzzi; Hermione is an anarchist and I will die on this hill; Andrew’s unwholesome gift; All I will want for Christmas is sexy Bill Weasley; Stream the Triwizard Tournament on pillock, I mean Peacock…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: … BuffDaddy; HallowWolf; Katie from Hufflepuff; Nate the 12-year-old, cooler than this Luke kid… that’s harmful.

Andrew: Wow, ouch.

[Micah laughs]

Laura: Oh, man. Shots fired.

Eric: That was what they put. I think Luke is amazing. Okay, Elizabeth K; Amazing Skabidi; Perry over the 12th; If Ron is a time-traveling Dumbledore than the 1890s dress robes make perfect sense; Dumbledore’s lawn chair he uses to watch chaos unfold…

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: … Wrackspurt Chaser; and finally, this is one I’ve never heard before in 20 years of being a Harry Potter fan. Question: Where can you find Dumbledore’s Army? Answer: up his sleevy.

Andrew: Okay.

Micah: I get it.

Andrew: Well, it sort of rhymes.

Micah: I’m excited mine made it.

Eric: Oh, yours did make it. Which one is yours?

Laura: Probably the one that had me shook.

Eric: Oh, Bill and Rita totally got their Skeeter on?

Laura: Yeah.

Micah: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Laura: Oh, that was you. Okay.

Eric: Wow.

Micah: See, Laura and I are on the same wavelength. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, I was shook when I heard… I was like… [laughs]

Micah: See, I was creative without being too inappropriate.

Laura: Yeah. I appreciate it.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: All right. Well, here is the first Quizzitch question of the new year: What spell does Hermione start learning on the Hogwarts Express in Harry’s fourth year? Meaning this year, meaning the chapter that we’re about to read next week. Anyone can submit their answer and fun nickname to us on the Quizzitch form, which is located on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or go to MuggleCast – set it as your homepage while you’re there – and click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: Set it as your homepage. Speaking of MuggleCast.com, if you click on the “Must-listens” link in the menu, you will find our Wall of Fame, which was updated over our break; Micah added numerous episodes. This is a great place to go to find some of our favorite episodes of MuggleCast, some big news-oriented episodes of MuggleCast, some particularly fun and special episodes. So maybe if you’re a new listener, even over the last couple years, go to MuggleCast.com, click on “Must-listens”; you’ll find other great stuff, too: our Chapter by Chapter archive, our movie commentaries, special interviews, and more.

Micah: We added maybe ten or so episodes from 2023, including our most recent one, which I know we had gotten a couple suggestions in the Discord to just throw it up there, so our last episode.

Andrew: Oh, our best Christmas episode ever.

Micah: [laughs] Yes. Minus the cheer.

Andrew: [laughs] Got it.

Micah: Since it was such a dark episode. But I will say, the ones that I really enjoy going back and listening to are the ones that we did on the specific Houses, the deep dive that we did on Gryffindor, Slytherin…

Andrew: Oh, those were so fun.

Micah: … but more importantly, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff.

Andrew: And you wrote little captions for each episode, which is great as well, so check all of those out on the “Must-listens” page on MuggleCast.com. You can also visit the site for transcripts, social media links, our full episode archive, and to contact us. If you enjoy the show and think other Muggles like you would, too, tell a friend about the show. We would also appreciate if you left us a review in your favorite podcast app. And last but not least, listener support is the reason why we are a weekly podcast, so visit Patreon.com/MuggleCast if you want to support the show and you’ll receive early access to the show, ad-free episodes, bonus episodes, yearly physical gifts, access to our livestreams, and so much more. And then, if you prefer to support us via Apple Podcasts, we now have MuggleCast Gold, where you’ll get bonus MuggleCast, ad-free MuggleCast, and early access to MuggleCast. As Micah brought up at the top of the episode, it’s a great deal. Whether you’re pledging through Patreon or Apple Podcasts, free trials are available and so are annual subscriptions, and if you sign up for a year upfront, you will receive a discount on that annual subscription. That’s our way of thanking you for supporting us for the year ahead. So that does it for this week’s episode. Thanks, everybody, for listening. Happy New Year. Excited to be with you in our 19th year of being your Harry Potter friends. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everybody.

Eric and Micah: Bye.

Laura: Bye, y’all