Transcript #659

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #659, ‘You Available To Be Stolen This Friday?’ (GOF Chapter 26, The Second Task)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Laura Tee: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Laura.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: And I’m Micah.

Laura: Grab your House-themed pennants and something to do for an hour, because today we’re heading down to the Black Lake and celebrating a Triwizard task that nobody above ground can see or appreciate.

Eric: Yay!

Laura: Of course, this week we’re discussing Goblet of Fire Chapter 26, “The Second Task.” But first, welcome back, Chloé, our beloved Social Media Manager.

Chloé Laverson: Hi, friends. Missed y’all. It’s good to be on an episode with the boys; it’s been a while.

Laura: Right?

Eric: Chloé, not only are you back, but you dressed on theme!

Chloé: Always, always. I think my first episode I ever did, I also dressed up, and I think I’ve at least put an accessory on every single time. I’m committed to the bit.

Eric: You’re committed to the bit, but this is… so for listeners at home on audio, you’re in a Beauxbatons school uniform.

Chloé: Yes, I am honoring my girl Fleur and rocking the… it’s subtle. I told Eric it’s subtle. It’s just the cape.

Eric: This is not subtle, but I do agree, it’s beautiful.

[Chloé and Micah laugh]

Chloé: I left the hat, okay?

Laura: Well, hey, I think it’s particularly on theme because there’s a little bit of character assassination that happens of Fleur in this doc, and I’m so glad that you are here to represent, Chloé.

Chloé: I strongly disagree, babes. I don’t think there’s a character assassination at all. I actually think this chapter shows her off in such a positive light, but we’ll get to it.

Laura: Okay.

Eric: We’ll get to it. That’s an interesting take. I look forward to discussing it.

Laura: [laughs] Eric is like, “I’m primed for the debate.”

[Everyone laughs]

Chloé: He’s like, “I am ready to fight. Square up.” [laughs]

Laura: Well, a little bit of housekeeping before we get into our chapter: We will be off next week for Memorial Day, but we will be releasing a bonus MuggleCast from our MuggleCast archives instead of an episode, and then the following week, we’ll be back as usual. And speaking of bonus MuggleCast, we just released our bonus about the WB games CEO J.B. Perrette. This was about them discussing their video game strategy. And we actually will have a new bonus coming to Patreon and MuggleCast Gold recording this week. What is on tap for us this week, Micah?

Micah: Yeah, so we are going to be discussing some of the top places that didn’t make an appearance in the Harry Potter films, but we would love to see make the Harry Potter TV show.

Eric: Oooh.

Laura: Fascinating.

Micah: So each host chose one or two.

Chloé: I love this topic.

Eric: It’s a good topic.

Micah: We’re going to dive in and have some fun with it.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Laura: Let’s go ahead and get into this week’s chapter, again, Goblet of Fire Chapter 26, “The Second Task,” and we will get started as always with our seven-word summary.

Chloé: Oh my God. I didn’t think. I didn’t think. I’m not prepared.

Micah: No, it’s better that way. This way it’s just whatever word pops out.

Chloé: Okay.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Chloé: The… [laughs]

Micah: … merpeople…

Laura: … mock…

Eric: … Harry…

Chloé: … incessantly…

Micah: … under…

Laura: … water!

Eric: Yay!

[Chloé laughs]

Micah: It’s that Ravenclaw connection, Laura.

Chloé: Go crazy.

Laura: I know. I picked up what you were putting down.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Eric: That Seven-Word Summary might be the only thing that slays about this chapter. I think that we have found it, you guys, the element of a rushed book that does not work under any scrutiny. It’s the second Triwizard task!

[Chloé and Laura laugh]

Eric: So I am excited for you to join me on this journey of discussing the chapter, but before we can talk about the second task, there is a little bit of plot update otherwise. We last left Rubeus Hagrid when Dumbledore refused to accept his resignation, and now, everybody, Hagrid is back teaching classes. He did seem to take some cues from Professor Grubbly-Plank because he’s going on about unicorns. And it’s said that Hagrid actually knows a lot about unicorns, but Harry specifically feels like Hagrid is a little disappointed that unicorns aren’t more dangerous. So he could have been teaching about unicorns all this time, but he just thinks they’re probably boring. Are we sad to see a good teacher in Grubbly-Plank just go?

Laura: Isn’t she back later? Don’t we get her again?

[Micah laughs]

Eric: I know she comes back next year when Hagrid is away.

Micah: Shh. Spoilers.

[Chloé laughs]

Laura: Hey, Kierra finished Order, so we’re good.

Chloé: [laughs] I think it’s cuckoo bananas that Hagrid thinks unicorns are boring. I get that they don’t have fangs or claws, but I would kill to be in this class, in this lesson. I want to meet a unicorn. Like, are you joking?

Micah: Do we think that he got instruction, though, to temper down the lesson a little bit?

Eric: If he did, it came way too late.

Chloé: Real.

Eric: Because there was a free-for-all with the Skrewts; there was a full-on war where the Skrewts just decimated each other over months.

Chloé: I mean, I can imagine that he probably feels maybe a little trepidatious or intimidated, scared, even, to go so far at this point. I don’t know. I feel like Hagrid might be a little nervous. Also, he probably is comparing himself to Grubbly-Plank and how the students feel; we know that Hagrid overthinks and is in his head about his lessons and often doesn’t feel like he is enough, so I wonder if that’s a bit of it, too, wanting to build off what Grubbly-Plank does so that he feels more secure coming back.

Laura: Yeah, and he does this in Prisoner as well, where after an incident occurs in his classroom with a more dangerous animal, he defaults to something a lot safer until the heat wears off, right? He does this with the Flobberworms.

Chloé: Unicorns are so much more interesting than Flobberworms. [laughs]

Laura: Oh, 100%. But Chloé, I wanted to expand on what you said there because I think the reason that Hagrid finds the more dangerous creatures interesting is because he feels misunderstood and he thinks they’re misunderstood, right? He sees himself in them, and just like he does with all of the Hogwarts students who don’t really have a home when they first come to Hogwarts, he’s doing the same thing for these beasts.

Chloé: Wow, yeah.

Laura: So his heart’s in the right place.

Chloé: No, Hagrid is so tender. He’s just so cutie and so precious. I do love what Danielle said in the Discord: “Unicorns aren’t metal enough for Hagrid.”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Legit.

Chloé: Nothing’s metal enough for Hagrid unless it can kill you on site.

Laura: Dude, what if it was a vampire unicorn?

Eric and Micah: Oooh.

Chloé: Whoa.

Laura: I don’t know if that’s possible, but he would be into that.

Chloé: Interesting. Interesting. [laughs]

Micah: Also, there’s zero room for error, though, here for Hagrid. I think that’s part of it, too. And it goes to your point, Chloé, about him being nervous. He realizes that he needs to play it safe; there’s no opportunity here for him to mess up. And we’re also told that… I think there’s only two of the Blast-Ended Skrewts left at this point…

[Chloé and Micah laugh]

Micah: … so it’s not really like there’s much for him to do with the remaining Skrewts. So I believe that Hagrid should have returned to his job as gamekeeper, going back to the question; Grubbly-Plank should have stayed, because Hagrid is not a good professor.

Chloé: Here we go, Micah.

Micah: He’s not qualified for the job. I’m sure there’s plenty of leftovers from the Beauxbatons carriages that he needs to clean up, given the time that he has spent sulking in his cabin…

Chloé and Laura: Whoa.

Eric: Wow. “Why doesn’t Hagrid find something he’s good at?” Oh my God.

Chloé: Scooping up poop. I see the DMs now.

[Micah laughs]

Chloé: “I am so sad. Micah keeps laying into Hagrid. Micah is too obsessed with…” I can see it now because last time, that also happened. [laughs]

Eric: We’ll pivot slightly. Yes, Hagrid got the idea of unicorns from Grubbly-Plank’s best lesson of the year. However, Hagrid’s class might actually be a little bit more accessible than Grubbly-Plank’s was, because Hagrid has brought baby unicorns, unicorn foals, and unicorn foals are not as nit-picky. They are not as exclusionary as adult unicorns when it comes to letting boys into their enclosure, so I would say props to Hagrid.

Micah: Well…

Laura: It’s because the unicorns are naive at that age.

Chloé: Yes, I was about to say.

Laura: They haven’t…

Eric: Uh, okay.

Chloé: There’s a social commentary there, babes…

Laura: Dude, 100%.

Chloé: … about the fact that as they get older, they become more wary of men, but when they’re babies, they’re like, “Yeah, we’re okay with them.” Like, hello. [laughs]

Eric: Okay.

Laura: Yeah, there’s something to that.

Chloé: For sure.

[Chloé and Laura laugh]

Eric: Yeah, I agree. But I mean, this way all the students can participate and get closer.

Chloé: It’s smart. It’s a smart move, for sure.

Micah: The only reason it was written this way was so that Draco could have his fun with Harry and show off the article about Hagrid. It gave them a meaningful conversation where they weren’t going to be interrupted by Grubbly-Plank or any of the other students.

Eric: So you’re saying no joy, no love for Hagrid making the class…

Chloé: This was a plot device. [laughs]

Micah: It’s a total plot device.

Eric: Yeah. Okay, all right.

Micah: I bet if Harry went up to one of those unicorns, would’ve been fine.

Chloé: Well, considering they’re babies, yeah. [laughs]

Micah: No, I’m talking about in the other chapter.

Chloé: Oh, oh, oh. I think it’s wonderful that the women get an animal, if that makes sense. I think that’s pretty cool too.

Eric: Look, I agree. Yeah, Lisa Frank would be thrilled to learn this.

Chloé: Oh, for real. [laughs] The gold unicorns, too, the fact that they’re gold when they’re babies. That goes hard.

Eric: It’s really cool. So can we say that Hagrid learned something from this incident that has occurred, or…? No.

Chloé: No, ain’t no way.

Eric: Can we see him introducing Skrewts or something awful next time? Probably.

Chloé: Yes.

Eric: Well, okay.

[Chloé and Laura laugh]

Eric: In the meantime, the heat’s off. We’ll pivot to Harry now, because Harry, of course, has the clue from the egg now that he’s gotten it out of prefects’ bathroom, and he knows that the task takes place in the Black Lake, but he does not have any clue how to survive underwater. So now you know that the task is water, but that’s only part the way, and the fact that he procrastinated so long means there’s next to no time to actually figure out how to do what it is he has to do.

Laura: Yeah, you would have thought he would’ve learned his lesson. How many times has he procrastinated so far? He always ends up in a panic.

Chloé: And depending on others to get him through.

Laura: Yep.

Micah: Right. It shows why it was important for him to figure out the egg as soon as possible, because he wasn’t anticipating having this additional component to the prep for the task. The real challenge here really wasn’t opening the egg and figuring out its clue; it was, “Okay, well, how am I going to learn to swim underwater for an hour?”

Chloé: Well, that’s the other thing: What if Harry couldn’t swim? What if any of these champions couldn’t swim? It’s not necessarily a skill that you automatically learn. That would be insane to have to learn an entire new skill, and then you have to figure out how to breathe underwater? Harry procrastinated so much that in any other situation… he would have never been able to complete this task. Thank God he learned how to swim; I guess the Dursleys gave him lessons or something. I don’t know.

Eric: Yeah, I don’t know why. I don’t know how that would’ve happened.

Chloé: Yeah. I mean, you can also learn how to do that in the prefects’ bath, TBH. [laughs]

Eric: Oh, yeah. Well, even if you figured out the clue the day after the first task, it’s wintertime. You’re not going to take swimming lessons in the lake in the winter.

Chloé: Right, but the prefects’ bath…

Laura: Unless you’re Krum.

Eric: Unless you’re Krum, yeah.

Chloé: True. Krum do love his cold plunge. He be on that cold plunge, guys. [laughs]

Eric: The Polar Plunge? Yeah, yeah. He does love it. But so my question regarding Harry, because… and to Hermione and Ron’s credit, they accompany him to the library. There are many long nights in the library. In fact, the night before the task, Harry is still going to the library after hours, all this stuff, looking for something. So he’s trying; his friends are trying to help him. The beginning of the chapter goes through Harry’s process and how he’s trying to find out the answer, but do we think that he’s utilizing all avenues here? I definitely think there are teachers that won’t help him. He’s asked McGonagall just for access to the Restricted Section, which presumably she gives, but I know that – or I believe – if he were to actually ask her, “Any understanding of how to breathe underwater?” she would say, “No, Potter, you’ve got to figure it out on your own.” But that said, somebody like Remus Lupin, last year’s professor – no longer bound by necessarily the rules that would constitute cheating – surely asking any adult might be better than trying to figure it out with a bunch of people his own age.

Chloé: Another issue with his procrastination, though: If he hadn’t procrastinated, he probably could have gotten a few owls out to whoever he wanted – Sirius, Lupin, someone – but he couldn’t. Or maybe he could, but there’s no guarantee that the owl would fly back in time. Another issue with mail by owl, or communication by owl.

Laura: And honestly, I feel like Fakey has really shown that he’ll help Harry at this point. I mean, he does, right? We find out later that by the transitive property, he is the reason Harry figures out how to do this.

[Chloé and Eric laugh]

Laura: And I think that Harry literally could have just gone to him and been like, “Hey, Professor…”

Chloé: For sure.

Laura: “… I’ve got to figure out how to breathe underwater,” and he would have made it happen. But I did have a question: Do we think Professor Sprout would have helped, given the fact that Cedric Diggory is in her House and she probably wants him to win? Or would she have been like, “You’re on your own, kid”?

Chloé: For sure “You’re on your own, kid.”

Micah: Flitwick, maybe.

Chloé: I don’t think any of the professors would at Hogwarts, except Fakey, if I’m honest. I feel like they all got briefed, like, “You are not supposed to help these champions, period.”

Micah: Yeah, but we see Karkaroff, we see Maxime helping, or we’re presuming that they’re helping their respective champions, and I don’t think it’d be any different for Harry to get assistance from Dumbledore.

Chloé: If everyone’s cheating, then we might as well cheat too. [laughs]

Eric: Right.

Micah: But what I think this all really does a good job of shining a light on is the fact that Harry is younger than these other champions; Hermione even calls it out, right? The lack of educational training that Harry has up until this point really limits him in figuring out an easy solution, things that probably came a little bit more readily to Cedric, Krum, and Fleur.

Eric: Right, they may have, for instance, been shown Bubble-Head Charms in Charms class in a few years’ time, potentially, which is what they end up using. We are going to talk a little bit more about the whole breathing underwater thing in a moment, but first, we’d like to take a break and hear from our sponsors.

[Ad break]

Eric: All right, we’re back, and I have one question for you guys about breathing underwater: Why isn’t it written about more often, or more frequently? Why are there no books about people who are undersea explorer wizards?

Chloé: [laughs] Real. Real.

Eric: And Harry strikes out, but wouldn’t this be…? There would be a wizarding version of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. There would be a version…

Chloé: 1,000%.

Eric: Yeah, something cool. So Harry just completely strikes out?

Chloé: Yeah, this is the first thing I would ask or look up the second I’m going to Hogwarts as a Muggle-born.

Eric: How to breathe underwater? [laughs]

Chloé: How to breathe underwater! I love swimming. I love the ocean; I grew up next to it. The first question I would have is, “Are there mermaids?” The answer is yes. And “How do I go swim with the mermaids?” After learning more about them, I might not be as interested. But those would still be my first questions, especially as an 11-year-old girl, so I’m shocked that they didn’t have this thought yet.

Laura: Yeah. Well, and I’m also shocked that Harry doesn’t think… if we’re thinking about people he could ask for help, I’m surprised he doesn’t ask Madam Pince for help.

Chloé: Doesn’t he?

Laura: Does he for this, specifically?

Chloé: Yes, he asks… yeah, I don’t think they specify how in detail he asks her, but I think that he does ask her where to find books about underwater things in this chapter.

Laura: Okay, okay. Well, never mind. Scratch that, then. Because I’m used to…

Chloé: But he could have maybe been more explicit. She is a librarian.

Laura: Yeah, and I mean, that’s a really big part of the job. [laughs]

Chloé: Also, the fact that that’s not something that other students are looking up is also cuckoo bananas to me. They have their summers off; you’re telling me that none of them want to know what it’s like to breathe underwater or go on a little underwater adventure? These wizards, man.

Micah: It’s true.

Laura: I guess they didn’t grow up playing mermaids in the pool, Chloé. That might just be a you and me thing.

[Micah laughs]

Chloé: Well, that sucks.

Eric: Wait, what is this?

Chloé: [gasps] Should we play mermaids, Laura?

Eric: What is mermaids? Besides an amazing charity.

Micah: Is it like Marco Polo?

Chloé: No, babes, you literally just pretend you’re mermaids.

Laura: You literally in a swimming pool, you just pretend you’re a mermaid.

Eric: That’s cool. Yeah, that’s cool.

Chloé: Yeah, some of us still do it. [laughs]

Eric: Well, nowadays, they have 3D printed fins, right? And stretchy tails that you can wear?

Chloé: So cool. You can actually be a mermaid as a job. That’s a job now.

Eric: Really?

Chloé: I don’t know why I didn’t go into that. Crazy.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Well, there’s still a future.

Chloé: Still time!

Eric: [laughs] Still time.

Micah: Eric, I do think there is one person that Harry could have gone to now. We saw him be dismissive of him already, but that’s Ludo Bagman.

Chloé: Oooh.

Micah: Ludo would 1,000% have helped Harry in this task.

Chloé: Would he know how to breathe underwater? I’m sorry, but Ludo kind of just seems like a big ol’ himbo.

Eric: Yes but no, because he has at this point offered so many times to help Harry…

Chloé: That’s true. That’s true.

Eric: … and there’s more and more evidence that he’s actively betting on Harry that I bet that he has easily three options worked out for Harry to take even one minute before Harry dives in. He’s got preparation. Bagman is there with probably a pocketful of Gillyweed, another book of…

Chloé: That’s true. His livelihood is depending on this.

Eric: Exactly. That’s why Bagman specifically is so relieved when Harry shows up; everyone else is scoffing at him…

Chloé: Yeah, it’s true.

Eric: … but Bagman is relieved. It’s like… okay, so I do think Bagman is 100% a resource, Micah, just like you said.

Micah: Well, Danielle in the Discord brings up a good point: Ludo knows a guy who knows a guy who can help Harry.

[Chloé laughs]

Eric: Ahh.

Laura: That sounds about right.

Eric: [in a mafioso voice] Ludo Bagman, he knows a guy.

Chloé: Definitely not sketchy at all.

Micah: My mind is going back to the beginning of the chapter, though; I know I threw out Flitwick’s name earlier, too, but it’s almost ironic that Harry is sitting there in Charms class and is talking to Ron and Hermione about how to figure this whole thing out – I mean, they’re also talking about Snape and Moody’s interaction – but why not go up to the Charms professor and at least try? [laughs]

Chloé: Can we just talk about for a second the fact that Flitwick is zooming across the room because they’re doing Summoning and Banishing Charms and Neville accidentally Banishes and Summons Flitwick? That is so funny to me, and I forgot about it completely until I reread the chapter. [laughs]

Eric: I guess you can Accio living things in the books.

Chloé: I guess. [laughs]

Eric: Ah, it’s so funny.

Laura: Does he Accio him or does he Banish him?

Eric: Well…

Chloé: I don’t know, but there’s literally… they talk about the fact that Flitwick zooms across the room.

Eric: Why should you be allowed to do one and not the other, is what I wonder.

Chloé: True.

Eric: I don’t want to be pulled anywhere any more than I want to be pushed somewhere by magic unexpected.

Chloé: I wonder, Micah, though… I feel like Harry is just not close to Flitwick at all.

Eric: You would get that sense.

Chloé: I feel like he might just not even have the comfortability level to ask him.

Eric: Flitwick is such a good teacher…

Micah: Desperate times.

Chloé: True. [laughs]

Eric: Flitwick would absolutely… more than McGongall, more than the other Heads of House, more than Sprout, Flitwick would point Harry in the right direction, because the end result of giving a tip to Harry would mean that Harry researches more Charms, which is totally in Flitwick’s best interest to have a student inspired.

Chloé: Teaching moment.

Eric: Yeah, absolutely. So let’s start talking about the task itself, because Harry wakes up, he’s still in the library, he’s got ten minutes before the task starts, and he still doesn’t know what he’s doing for the task. Have any of us been in a similar situation where either you’re up late studying or you’re just completely woefully unprepared? And it’s time; it’s do or die. You have to just… you find yourself having to wing it?

Laura: Oh, yeah. I mean, I’ve been in the situation of having overslept and woken up just a few minutes before I’m supposed to be taking a test, and not only is there no way that I’ll get there in time, but I’m in no condition to be taking a test right now. So if I had been Harry, I wouldn’t have gone. I would have been like, “I’m going to bed.” I would’ve skipped it.

Eric: [laughs] Come what may.

Chloé: 100%. I would’ve said, “Absolutely not.” What’s the Goblet going to do? Like, what is the Goblet going to do?

Eric: I don’t what to find out.

Chloé: Okay, so he misses a task. I feel like Harry is starting to care about winning just a little bit at this point. But if we’re so honest, if I was in Harry’s situation and I was thrown into a death tournament against my will against students that are so much older than me and so much more prepared, I’m not going to the second task if I oversleep. Like, hello. I’m saying, “Nah, thanks so much. I’mma sleep in. Everyone else can sit by the lake unamused for an hour; I’ll stay here.”

Eric: Yeah, I mean, there’s that. We’ll talk about that in a minute. But it’s not even about learning how to breathe underwater or learning how to swim, because the mermaids aren’t just in the water; they’re at the bottom of the lake. They’re all the way across through this obstacle course of underwater demons and horrible things. This is hard. This is really, really hard.

Chloé: The only reason Harry is going is because low-key the embarrassment of not, in my opinion. He would probably feel ashamed or embarrassed that he wasn’t able to do the next task or complete it.

Micah: And he does when he first goes into the water because he doesn’t think it’s going to work.

Eric: That said, Dobby tells him that they have his Wheezy.

[Micah laughs]

Chloé: That’s true.

Eric: This is actually… at that point, this has become a rescue mission for Harry. Everything that Harry has come to believe about this task is to take it at its word and that something is gone; it won’t come back. And the thing that he loves the most, it turns out, is Ron Weasley, underwater being held hostage.

Micah: So one thing I wanted to bring up, though, that I think is important here, though – it’s with Dobby, and it’s also with Moaning Myrtle a little bit later on in this chapter – is that Harry actually has a pretty vast network of support.

Chloé: True.

Micah: He just doesn’t look to tap into the right people at the right time.

Chloé: I think that’s because he’s never really… he’s not used to the support. He was so alone in his childhood; he had no one to go to; he had to be hyper independent, and he just still at this point does not realize that he has people in his corner that he can trust and people that will help him, and it’s heartbreaking, but that’s a part of it. He’s gotten so comfortable with Ron and Hermione; they’re the only people that he really feels like, “Oh, I can go to them with anything,” but he does not realize that he has a much more vast network; you’re so right about that. And I think it’s a product of his childhood.

Eric: I love that idea, because it’s just not a reflex for him. Even though he has all of these friends that are willing to help, it’s not a reflex. Voldemort, by contrast – or Dumbledore, even – use people, and that is almost to a detriment of being friends with somebody. Harry doesn’t know that there’s a middle ground; you don’t need to… if you ask somebody for help, it doesn’t mean that you’re using them, or it doesn’t mean that you’re not a good friend to them. But I think that Harry is erring on the side of… like you said, Chloé, I think you hit it on the head, abused child and he’s on his own.

Chloé: Also, I mean, we’re all adults here. We know how hard it is for us to ask for help when we need it from our support system. And I’ve been in moments where I’ve been struggling with my mental health or having a difficult moment in life, and I’ve even found it hard to reach out to my inner circle, let alone maybe my bigger one. So I think that Harry has that feeling of anxiety and not wanting to take advantage of people, and also even more just doesn’t even know that it’s there.

Eric: It’s definitely the “doesn’t even know,” too, because at the point of him getting so stressed out, you would think that something would dawn on him of “somebody I can ask,” but it doesn’t even occur to him.

Micah: Right.

Laura: He also feels like an imposter, too, right? He’s not supposed to be there, and he’s so much younger.

Eric: He’s got to get out of his own way, almost.

Chloé: Oh, that is so this chapter. [laughs]

Micah: I was going to bring up the movie because I do think for as much as we criticize the films, the movie did a great job of changing this from Dobby to Neville.

Chloé: 100.

Micah: And really giving Neville a powerful moment, another moment of connection with Harry. We talk about how it could have been Neville a lot on this podcast, but the fact that it is him who steps up and helps Harry in this moment is well done by the movie.

Laura: I agree.

Eric: That’s a great point that leads directly into… this is Harry’s network. These are his people that could have always been there to help him and tell him through this stuff.

Chloé: Also, it low-key does feel like the obvious choice for the author. I’m kind of surprised that she didn’t go that way. Neville is known for his Herbology skill, and it’s talked about before.

Eric: Yeah, but Neville would never be able to break into Snape’s office, though, and get his ingredients, so there is that.

Chloé: That’s true. I do love a win for my boy, though.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. So Dobby helps out, which is great. And actually, it turns out that in the books, Dobby actually overheard Fakey and McGonagall talking about the task one day in the staff room. I will bet that Mad-Eye knew that he was there, knew that Harry’s friend Dobby, who he knows is friends with Harry, was there.

Micah: He’s seen his socks.

Eric: He’s seen his socks, exactly. Anyway, so Harry runs down to the lake. There’s no time; he gets in the water right when it starts, puts the Gillyweed in his mouth, starts to wade out. Also, everyone is giving him the stink eye, and this would be expected from the Slytherins who thought for a moment there’d be this really embarrassing opportunity to get Potter for being too scared to show up or whatever, but these are the headmasters of the other schools. What do they have to be glaring at Harry for? Where is professionalism in sports?

Chloé: Ooh, I think they’re glaring because he did show up. I bet they didn’t want him to and they had already decided that he wasn’t going to because he’s so late, so him showing up makes them pretty upset.

Laura: Yeah, and I think that’s what Harry thinks, too. That’s his perception. I always try to remember that in these books we are always getting Harry’s perception, and it’s not to say that his perception isn’t correct, because I think a lot of the time it is, but I think it’s also possible that they were giving him stink eye for being late and creating a commotion, when again, they’re also thinking, “You’re not supposed to be here anyway.”

Chloé: That reminds me of the moment earlier in this book when Harry feels sort of jilted by Professor Sprout. He is probably in his own head at least a little; he’s definitely not an unreliable narrator, but there are definitely some moments that he’s overthinking that it might not appear that way or seem that way to others.

Eric: That’s good enough for me, for sure. So we talked about this briefly before, [laughs] but the task itself is kind of a poor spectacle.

Chloé: Bring your knitting. [laughs]

Eric: This is joked I think most successfully… this is joked in Puffs because it’s right at the break between acts, and everyone jumps in and then there’s just this dead silence and it’s like, “Okay, what next?”

Chloé: “What do we do now?”

Eric: Yeah, well, so the book confirms that nobody above ground is watching or able to watch what is going on in the water. I’m going to ask for the first time, but not the last in this chapter: Who planned this? Who planned this this way? They can’t even have one of those Fantastic Beasts-style security magic spells that has footage of the champions performing? Maybe in a quarter screen like you’re doing Mario Kart, nothing like that. Also, the lake itself is so dirty, is so dark that Harry can’t even see with his special Gillyweed body, can’t even see more than ten feet in front of his face, so this is just a disaster from a public perspective, from a sport fun activity perspective. Who’s going to cheer about this?

Laura: Hey, maybe in the show, they’ll include those magical Jumbotrons to…

Chloé: [laughs] Ret-con.

Micah: Maybe there’s performances. Maybe the giant squid is… that’s why you can’t see him, is because he’s doing magic tricks up on the surface.

[Chloé and Laura laugh]

Eric: They’re keeping them entertained; the school mascots are coming out to walk on and keep people busy.

Chloé: Yo, or there’s cheering; there’s cheerleaders leading cheers. I feel like it would be so miserable, actually, to watch this; “watch” in air quotes, because what the hell are you watching? It’s cold. It is so cold. Obviously, the champions… that’s awful. I looked up the temperature in Scotland in February because I was so curious; it’s really cold. It’s 42 degrees Fahrenheit at a high.

Eric: That’s five degrees Celsius. That’s five Celsius.

Chloé: Yeah, I’m not… you know what I would do? I would leave, go get a hot cocoa in the Great Hall…

[Micah laughs]

Chloé: … then come back for the scores. I don’t want to sit there miserable, not doing anything. Like… [gags] Also, Harry is in a robe. Can we talk about that for a second? He jumps in in his full wizarding robe. That is what he’s swimming in. That sounds awful.

Micah: Well, it’s his lack of attention to what’s going on.

Chloé and Eric: Yeah.

Eric: The thing is, this is a task with mermaids, but you can’t even see mermaids if you’re above ground. Chloé, you’d start a riot.

Chloé: Yeah! Well, you can see the mermaids… that’s what I’m saying, though; you see the mermaids at the scoring. So you leave, get hot cocoa, come back, you see the mermaids, you see the scores…

Eric: Right.

Chloé: You don’t need to do anything else. I mean, that’s what I’m doing.

Eric: Well, to really put a cap on this fact that nobody can see what’s going on, Dumbledore needs to go and talk to the Merchieftainess at the end of the task to figure out what happened. So not even Dumbledore… it’s bad enough the audience is getting an absolute wet blanket of a show here, but none of the judges at all either can here. And actually, if you want to point out a little security issue here with the judging, all the other judges have to take Dumbledore’s word for it about what the Merchieftainess is saying because none of them speak Mermish, so they also can’t…

Chloé: I think that’s so cool. I think it’s so cool that Dumbledore speaks Mermish.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Oh, yeah. It’s really badass.

Chloé: I love that it’s just an offhanded comment. And it made me think about language electives at Hogwarts and whether or not they also… if you could potentially take Mermish or gobbledygook, or…

Eric: Right, as an elective.

Chloé: I don’t know. That’s so cool. I want to learn wizarding languages.

Eric: There needs to be Duolingo for Mermish, Duolingo for gobbledygook… we’ve got to make it happen.

Micah: One thing that just came to mind: Given that the all powerful Mad-Eye Moody can see through Deathly Hallows, can he see to the bottom of the lake?

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: Oh, he could give…

Micah: And is Dumbledore just leaning on his shoulder saying, “Alastor. How are we doing?”

Chloé: How powerful is that eye?

Eric: It’s too powerful, in answer to your question, Chloé, but it’s…

Chloé: That’s true, but seeing to the bottom of the Black Lake; I imagine there’s some limit to its magic.

Eric: We’re going to continue this discussion about the second task in just a moment, but first, let’s swim on over to our other sponsor for this week.

[Ad break]

Eric: Our ads on this show are like buoys; we swim to them in safety, and they keep us afloat.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: They don’t have any of those in the Black Lake. [laughs]

Chloé: Low-key, I wish the Black Lake had a pier.

Eric: Oooh.

Chloé: Can you imagine sitting on the pier and talking to the giant squid, saying, “What’s up?”

Micah: It does in Hogwarts Legacy.

Chloé: Does it really? See, I need to play this freaking game. Geez.

Eric: You do.

Chloé: I don’t know. I’ll find a man to use and play it.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Okay!

Laura: Gonna use a man for his PS5.

Chloé: No, I can… we can talk about it later. [laughs]

Micah: You had mentioned earlier, Eric, about the entrustment of what Dumbledore was saying, right? That basically Karkaroff and Maxime need to believe what it is that he’s hearing from the merpeople.

Eric: To judge.

Micah: I’m also wondering, from a trust standpoint, did we assume that Dumbledore and the other headmasters entrusted the safety of the contestants to the merpeople? Otherwise, to me, this is beyond security/safety nightmare territory, because not only are we talking about the contestants; we’re talking about four other people who are down there, presumably with their consent…

Eric: Dubious.

Micah: … that are basically unconscious.

Chloé: Oof.

Eric: Yeah. Let’s… okay. I’m glad you brought up this issue of safety surrounding the so-called hostages; we’ll talk about that in a moment. I first just want to mention, because we are going through the chapter, who each of the hostages is that they’ve chosen for this champion. So we have a situation where Ron Weasley is Harry’s – or his Wheezy – is his hostage. Hermione has been chosen for Krum, and Cho Chang has been chosen for Cedric Diggory, so with Cho and with Hermione, you have the champions’ Yule Ball partners, which kind of makes sense in a way. There’s at least a narrative to it.

Chloé: Mmm, does it? [laughs]

Eric: Well, we’ll get into that.

Chloé: There’s a narrative.

Micah: Well, I would say three of four Yule Ball partners, because Harry and Ron kind of went together.

[Chloé and Micah laugh]

Chloé: Real. Real, Micah.

Laura: Yeah, true.

Chloé: They didn’t talk to anyone else.

Eric: That’s a good point. Harry ended up going to the ball with Ron more than he went with Parvati or Padma. Okay, that’s a fair point. But for Fleur Delacour…

Chloé: He went with Parvati.

Eric: For Fleur, we do not have Roger Davies as a hostage, who was her Yule Ball champion. We have her 8-year-old sister Gabrielle, who I don’t even know what she’s doing here. What is she…?

[Chloé laughs]

Micah: What do you mean, what is she doing here?

Eric: Who brings an 8-year-old, subdues them, puts them at the bottom of the lake, and makes their older sister go and get them?

Micah: Dumbledore.

[Chloé and Laura laugh]

Chloé: Dumbledore. Okay, I actually think it is valid that Gabrielle is with Fleur because Gabrielle is her younger sister, and this is probably one of the biggest moments in Fleur’s life; she’s going to want her little sister… her sister is going to want to support her sister, period. I also think that Fleur, it makes so much more sense that she is the most hysterical out of all the champions. That’s her little sister. Fleur has been protecting this girl probably her whole life; Gabrielle probably looks up to her. They’re so attached to one another. I can’t imagine what it feels like for her to think, “Oh my God. I didn’t save her, as her older sister. I couldn’t be there for her.” To me, this is so much more real for Fleur than any of the other champions.

Micah: I agree.

Chloé: The stakes are so much higher; it’s insane.

Eric: I think it’s a little extreme. I think it’s too far. I think that there’s no… we talked about the security or whether it’s right for Harry to have to compete because he’s three years younger than the 17-year-olds who are of age and therefore can consent. Now we have Ron and Hermione, who are also 14, who are a part of this Triwizard Tournament whether they put their name in the Goblet or not, and they didn’t. But then now you have Gabrielle who’s 8 years old. She’s French; they had to import her specially for this task. Seriously, Fleur doesn’t care about anybody else that’s with her?

Chloé: Well, I think she probably… I actually think Gabrielle is probably already there.

Eric: She is in the movie.

Chloé: Like I said, I think she’s probably there to… well, yeah, she is in the movies. And she’s definitely not 8 in the movies; they aged her up. But I do think that she’s probably…

Eric: That’s because it would be insane for an actual 8-year-old to be somebody’s hostage! I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Go ahead.

Chloé: I agree that it’d be weird. It’s crazy that she’s the hostage. I think she might have already been there, though, to support her sister through this, because she’s a part of Beauxbatons; she’s part of the school. It wouldn’t have been crazy for her to come along for her sister.

Micah: I agree, and I’m going to assume that there were permissions given here by her parents by Madame Maxime for this to take place.

Eric: Let’s hope she wasn’t abducted in the middle of the night.

Chloé: Definitely translation happening. No, no, no; I’m sure Madame Maxime explained what was happening.

Micah: And I agree, Eric; I’m not trying to take away from the extreme point of it, but I think Chloé really got it right when Fleur is the one who suffers the most here, who has the strongest connection to the person that’s been taken. That goes exactly to what – and I’m not going to sing like Geoff did last week – the song says, “We’ve taken what you’re sorely miss.” There’s nothing that showcases that better than Gabby being a… I call her Gabby, I guess.

[Everyone laughs]

Chloé: Hey, Gabby.

Eric: Gabby to her friends. Micah is a personal friend.

Micah: Yeah, but you know what I mean. I mean, Roger Davies… Fleur is not going to miss Roger. I mean, come on.

Laura: No, of course.

Chloé: She didn’t care about him at all. Not even a little.

Eric: Where is this Roger Davies hate coming from? Perfectly fine bloke.

Chloé: No, okay, but do you remember…? No, he’s fabulous. Nothing against Roger Davies. He’s a prefect; I’m sure he’s great. The issue is that Fleur didn’t care that he was her date. She talked over him the whole time and she really wanted to be there with Cedric; let’s be honest.

Micah: Remember, “We’ve taken what you’ll sorely miss.” Roger does not fit that category. I’m sorry.

[Chloé laughs]

Eric: Okay, okay.

Micah: And… can I say, though…

Eric: But Micah, I see that you have a hot take.

Micah: I do, because I actually don’t think Hermione is meaningful enough to Krum for her to be what he has to rescue.

Chloé: Yes, Micah!

Micah: And you could probably make the same argument for Cho with Cedric. I’m not going to go there; I don’t know how intense their relationship is.

Chloé: It’s a little more valid.

Micah: But I think if you’re ranking them in order, I would put Krum/Hermione at the bottom; then I would go Cho/Cedric; then Harry/Ron; then Fleur and Gabrielle. I mean, Krum’s broom is probably more meaningful to him than Hermione.

Chloé: Yo. Real.

Laura: I don’t know. To a certain extent, I feel like this was related to availability of someone to be a hostage. Cedric is an only child, right?

Eric: Wait a minute, but they just got Gabrielle from France. What do you mean, availability?

Chloé: I’m telling you, Gabrielle was already there, Eric.

Laura: She was already there.

Eric: That is not book canon, though. It’s just not.

Chloé: I know; it’s not book canon…

Eric: They imported her specially. They flew her first class so that she could be a hostage.

Micah: She’s like the fourth dragon. She came with the fourth dragon.

Chloé: Okay, but low-key that’s not book canon either.

Eric: Okay, all right.

Chloé: We don’t know if she was there. We don’t know if she was imported.

Eric: I’m just saying, if they went to France, they can’t go to Bulgaria? There is none of Viktor’s family members that he would go…? I’m trying to support Micah here.

Micah: And they have magic, too.

Eric: He only just met Hermione at the beginning of this school year at the earliest.

Chloé: I’m not trying to start any fights, but I low-key think this is more confirmation that Gabrielle is already there, because you’re right; if she wasn’t, it makes no sense for them to import her and not someone else for the other champions that definitely have someone closer to them. Like Cedric, for example, his dad; we know that they’re super close. What about Krum’s family? I don’t know. We don’t know anything about Krum.

Laura: And see, here’s what I feel about Krum: I feel like Krum, he’s an outsider who’s kind of foisted into the spotlight because he is a sports star, so he doesn’t like all the attention. We also hear him tell Hermione that he likes Hogwarts better than Durmstrang.

Chloé: True.

Laura: He’s a lot more ideologically aligned with the world that he finds himself in at Hogwarts and with Hermione, and I think it’s possible that he doesn’t really have anyone else he’s super close with. And yeah, he hasn’t known Hermione that long, but he may have a better connection with her than he’s had with anyone else.

Chloé: Laura’s got a little soft spot for Krum.

Laura: I do!

[Chloé laughs]

Eric: That was incredibly touching. Laura, that’s incredibly touching, and to support what you said, in the next chapter Hermione reveals that Viktor has invited her… well, Rita Skeeter reveals that he’s invited her to Bulgaria, but Hermione tells Ron and Harry that he says that he feels strongly about Hermione in a way that he hasn’t about other girls.

Chloé: Okay, can I just say that feels like a little love bomb-y? Just a little.

Eric: Well…

Chloé: How? They haven’t known each other for that long. Hermione is 14; Krum is 18.

Eric: So this is what Micah is saying; why is she his hostage?

Chloé: Well, that’s… you’re telling me that Krum, after spending seven years at a school, has no closer relation than a girl that he just met a few months ago? That makes me really sad for Krum, if I’m so honest.

Eric: I don’t need to be telling you that, because the people who run the Triwizard Tournament have said it for us. Hermione is…

Chloé: Yeah, it’s just…

Micah: Well, that’s a great question, though, Eric. Who made these decisions? Who did the research to determine…?

Chloé: Because no one talked to Harry.

Eric: Yeah, no one asked him who would he like to sacrifice.

Micah: Right, exactly.

Eric: My question is why do they need a hostage at all? Because if you think about it, think about the first task where they have to retrieve the golden egg. They have no emotional attachment to the golden egg. There’s no reason. They also don’t need an emotional attachment. Nobody fails the first task because, “Oh, it’s not my thing that I most love.” So why is there a living human person, who also is bewitched in a way we don’t understand, left to drown or exist at the bottom of the lake? That’s so extra.

Chloé: Well, I mean, this competition… [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, I mean, it’s to make them operate within the time limit. It’s to give it stakes.

Chloé and Eric: Yeah.

Chloé: I mean, this competition do be extra. If I could give it one word, it’d be extra.

Eric: I’m just saying, these champions want to win. They don’t need that little extra incentive that… it could have been another golden egg at the bottom and they still would have to retrieve it; they still would have to learn to breathe underwater and swim to get it.

Chloé: It is traumatizing.

Eric: All I wish to say is that including these humans as hostages brings up a lot more questions, I think, that are sticky and that don’t have easy answers and are never answered in the book than it would otherwise. But it’s fun!

Chloé: It also makes the task more traumatizing. I think all these tasks are supposed to be a little low-key traumatizing, but adding the aspect of someone you care about and potentially not knowing if they’re going to be safe or not, and that has to do with you… like, Harry is actually probably one of the only people that has already been in that situation.

Eric: All right, so moving on, we’re getting to Micah’s question: Are they actually in danger? Are the hostages actually in danger here? I’ve tried to find some book evidence that states either way; all I can find that says that they’re not in real danger is that after coming to, Ron asks Harry why Gabrielle was with them, and Harry tells Ron, “Oh, it said that they were going to take her,” and Ron laughs, saying, “Harry, you prat, you didn’t take that song thing seriously, did you? Dumbledore wouldn’t have let any of us drown! It was only to make sure you got back inside the time limit!” That’s the only evidence. He didn’t say, “Dumbledore says you won’t get hurt.” He didn’t say, “McGonagall made sure we didn’t get hurt.” Afterwards, Pomfrey is circling everyone that’s been underwater like a vulture because they were in real danger. It’s bad if the only person that says you were safe the whole time is Ron, and he’s joking. He’s always wrong.

[Chloé laughs]

Eric: That’s not very convincing for me.

Micah: He’s not always wrong.

Eric: He’s mostly wrong.

Micah: He’s only right when he jokes about things. But I think that’s why the merpeople were there; they were there to ensure that none of these individuals came to harm at all. They run the lake, right? They’re in charge, plus the giant squid sometimes.

Chloé: I was about to say, do they run the lake? Or does the giant squid run the lake?

Eric: [to the tune of Beyoncé’s “Run the World”] Who run the lake? Squids.

[Chloé laughs]

Laura: And it makes sense because Harry is the last to surface, and as he’s surfacing, the merpeople are all swimming up with him. So especially when we see how things end up with the task, it’s very clear that they were kind of escorting the final champion to the surface.

Eric: Like it was all an act?

Laura: Yeah, I think so.

Chloé: Yeah, I was about to say, they also change their attitude completely. They’re scary in the lake; Harry is like, “Whoa, these merpeople are attacking me.” But then they come out and they’re smiling, and the chieftainess talks to Dumbledore like it’s all good.

Eric: She has to because nobody could see anything in the lake, so they were all going to escort the winners anyway because they have to tell them what just happened because nobody can see.

Chloé: They don’t have to be cheery, though.

Eric: Yeah, it’s the unknown, I think, of another creature. Harry can only guess at how the merpeople truly think. But Harry tries to grab one of the merperson’s tridents so that he can cut the rope, and it tugs back and is like, “No, no, no,” and it’s laughing and smiling but in a mocking way. I’m just saying, that’s pretty intense. If the merpeople are acting, they’re doing a good act. And not only this, there’s more to their song, by the way. It’s bad enough that the original clue says, “Past an hour, the prospect’s black. Too late, it’s gone, it won’t come back,” when in the lake half an hour into the challenge, they say, “Your time’s half gone, so tarry not, lest what you seek stays here to rot.” They’re so extra. Your friends – who you know at this point are your friends – are going to rot down here if you don’t come get them.

Chloé: Do you think that it’s the merpeople, though, dictating what they’re saying? Dictating the clues? Isn’t that the judges and the Ministry of Magic?

Eric: Eh, I think they’re probably helping. Yeah, it was probably scripted by somebody else for sure.

Chloé: Yeah, I was about to say, I think that you’re right; the mocking is pretty icky. And I wonder if there is some animosity between merpeople and wizarding kind, especially since they’re scared of wands, which we see in the chapter. But I do think it’s interesting that their attitude changes after the task is done; that seems really weird to me. I do wonder if they had clear instructions and then some of them that do have biases towards wizarding kind took it further than they should’ve.

Eric: That’s a great question. We just don’t have enough info to the contrary. Harry, while swimming, sees this stone with depicted on it where the mermaids are a warrior race that fight off the giant squid; he sees them as warriors. One of them keeps an awful grindylow as a pet in its front yard, little front garden. So these are people not to be trifled with.

Chloé: I kind of love that they have pet grindylows.

[Chloé and Micah laugh]

Eric: Yeah, okay, it’s really cool. I’m just saying… this is all in a pre-defense of Harry, because Harry feels like a fool. Harry feels like he done been played. He feels so foolish for ever thinking that the kids were in danger, but there’s not evidence. If literally only evidence is Ron going, “Ah, Dumbledore would never let it…” I’m sorry, that’s not good enough. Did at any point Dumbledore promise? Did at any point somebody tell anybody that these people wouldn’t be harmed? I don’t know. It seems strange to me.

Micah: When you brought up, though, this whole confrontation between Harry and the merpeople, and the history aspect of it, it reminded me a lot of when Harry first entered the forest and he encountered the centaurs, and really he got similar treatment from them, much like he sees here in this chapter, right? It’s really only Firenze that is kind to him. And I think it’s a demonstration of the fact, “Look, you’re on our territory now. This is our land. This is where we live. You don’t just get to come in here and take my trident away to use it for your own purposes.” And yeah, they’re fearful of wands; somebody mentioned that earlier. But I think it’s the fact that you’re in their world, and you need to obey their rules if you want to get out of this particular situation.

Eric: Right.

Chloé: Well, guarantee the merpeople were there before Hogwarts.

Laura: For sure.

Chloé: It’s a classic case of humans, or in this case, wizarding kind, encroaching on a habitat that wasn’t theirs in the first place – same with the centaurs – so of course they’re going to have feelings.

Eric: The merpeople have reason to be cross with wizards, but why are the wizards putting their task in their lake? That’s the other thing, is like, if it can go either way…

Chloé: Well, Dumbledore probably has good relations.

Eric: Well, Dumbledore has the in, but I’m saying… look, here’s the thing: If they are cross with wizards, and have good reason to be, at what point was it ever this idea to let them have a task in…? The centaurs is a perfect example. The centaurs were perfectly willing to let Harry die. If somebody had died during the second task, it would have been maybe an international incident, but what’s wizarding kind going to do? They’re going to arrest a merperson? They can’t; the merpeople have rights.

Chloé: There is this sense of…

Laura: Uh, that never stopped anyone from trying to hurt a disadvantaged group of people, a disenfranchised group of people.

Chloé: Oooh, talk your ish, Laura. Talk your ish, Laura.

Eric: The other thing that speaks to me about how the hostages may have been really in danger – and then we’re going to read poll results, because we asked our patrons, and both on Patreon and in the Discord I see there’s another poll going. Is that you, Laura? Thanks for doing that.

Laura: Yep, get that live feedback.

Eric: But the way in which the hostages are frozen shows bubbles coming from their mouth. There’s a very obvious way of seeing that they’re breathing out, but we don’t see them breathing in. It’s not like they were all given Gillyweed, that they have gills the same way Harry does. Harry would recognize and be like, “Oh, they’re fine.” It’s a creepy sight. The merpeople are creepy, the lake is creepy, everything in the lake is creepy, and your friends are breathing out but not breathing in.

Chloé: In regards to dangerous or not dangerous, I think a big part of the glamour and the glitz of this competition and why you achieve eternal glory at the end is because it’s so dangerous. If it wasn’t dangerous, it wouldn’t be interesting to people, and that’s why people watch football. That’s why people watch wrestling. That’s why… sorry, Micah. [laughs] But that’s why people are interested in those sort of things, jousting, when there was… what happened in Greece? What is that called, when people used to fight lions and tigers?

Eric: Gladiator arena?

Laura: Gladiator arena, yeah.

Chloé: Gladiators! We have done this throughout history. It’s just another example of putting ourselves in danger for entertainment.

Eric: But nobody’s watching this, because nobody can see it. [laughs]

Chloé: Right, but then when we get it through the merpeople and it’s reported in the Daily Prophet.

Eric: But in the idea, yeah. No, it’s a great point. It’s honestly a very great point. So yeah, what are our final thoughts? Are they in danger or not? Our final thoughts before we read the poll results.

Laura: So I feel like Dumbledore has to have… he either has a good relationship with the merpeople, or he has some kind of leverage to ensure the hostages’ safety from them. I think what he couldn’t control in terms of safety would be the obstacles that the champions would come across on their way to and from the merpeople. So the champions also can’t use their wands to send up sparks if they’re in trouble like they can when they’re in the maze in the next task, so I’m wondering what would have happened if, say, Fleur or Harry hadn’t been able to escape the grindylows when they got caught by them? So I feel like those are the bigger risks in this task than the merpeople.

Micah: I agree, Laura, I think all of the risk lies with the champions. I don’t think any risk lay with those that they were trying to rescue; I think the merpeople would have taken them up to the surface. They knew how long those charms that were placed on them were going to last and it probably extended a little bit beyond the hour time limit, and then if needed, they were going to escort anybody leftover up to the surface. So in terms of danger, yeah, I think Harry, Krum, Cedric, Fleur were all in real danger, but I don’t think the other four were. I do think, though – and this can come up again a little bit later – that once Fleur was attacked and out, Gabrielle should have been released to the surface.

Eric: To totally have prevented the misunderstanding that Harry has.

Chloé: Well, and can you imagine how Fleur was feeling the entire time that she was above the lake waiting? She was so, so, so grateful when Harry and Ron brought Gabrielle back. She didn’t know that Gabrielle was going to be fine. Same with Harry; they’d had no idea because of the clue, which you made that point earlier, Eric. So Fleur was probably so terrified and so anxious. I can’t even imagine what was going through her head until Gabrielle resurfaced. That is awful.

Eric: Absolutely! It’s the worst 30 minutes of her life, or whatever it would be.

Chloé: Right, so why traumatize her even more?

Eric: No, yeah, because the Triwizard Tournament can make you compete with your body in sport; they don’t have a right to emotionally traumatize you.

Chloé: Also, why did no one go over and tell her that Gabrielle would be fine? Because she was out of the lake, but clearly, she was still so anxious and stressing until the very end. There’s all the judges there. Dumbledore is there. They’re doing nothing; they’re sitting around waiting. Why didn’t anyone tell her?

Eric: That’s why this is such a big part of this discussion for this chapter, is because I’m convinced that there should have been at least somebody in charge who said, “Actually, Harry, we made it so they weren’t really in danger,” and then Harry can feel embarrassed, but he can at least feel comfort knowing that it’s going to be okay. So we polled our listeners, and with over 175 votes on our Patreon, 89% of patrons say that the hostages were never in any danger in any way, and only 11% are with me saying yes, they were in danger. Here are some comments that they left: “They’re as safe as they are at Hogwarts normally,” okay, “debatably more.”

[Everyone laughs]

Chloé: Yo.

Eric: Not the defense I thought it would be. Sean B. says, “I think they are safer than any other student in the security nightmare that is Hogwarts in that moment. They’re guarded by merpeople the whole time,” which makes them safer. Okay.

Laura: Fair.

Eric: Rachel has a point kind of like Micah’s: “I think they were completely safe when they were with the merpeople, but all bets are off once the champion takes them. Krum nearly bit Hermione’s head off, they could have been grabbed by grindylows, the champion could have dropped them or gotten lost, etc. So yes and no, I’d say. I’d also love to know what kind of explanation Dumbledore gave them beforehand.”

Chloé and Eric: Yeah.

Eric: Two more comments here, one from Ashley: “Dumbledore is cool with the merpeople, as seen at his funeral. I imagine while explaining the scenario to them in mermish, he was like, ‘Keep the hostages safe, but put on a show; give the contestants a good scare, wink wink.'” Okay.

Laura: Yeah, that tracks.

Eric: Yeah. And then Jared C.: “I know we’re told entering the tournament is a magical binding contract with severe penalties for not going through, but I can’t imagine the tournament would sanction the killing of random wizards as part of a task. I think it was just to heighten the drama, both for us as readers and for spectators.” Yeah, but can Gabrielle, who’s only 8, consent to any of that?

Chloé: I also think it’s so interesting how we talk about “the Goblet” and “the tournament.” Who is making those decisions? Does the Goblet have a brain like the Sorting Hat? When you really start to think about it, it’s like, who is deciding the consequences of breaking this binding magical contract? Those are the answers that I want to know because it’s relevant when you have an underage wizard. Dumbledore and McGonagall and all the Ministry people debate whether or not Harry should continue, and they come to the decision because it’s a binding magical contract. With who? Why can’t we break it? What is this entity that is all powerful, dictating the fact that these kids should continue to be put in danger like this?

Eric: I’ll tell you what, so we might have swayed people during our discussion, because there was a poll in Discord that was given, and it was four people say they were actually in danger, and seven say they weren’t. So we’ve gone from 89% to 57% sure that they weren’t in danger, so I’ll take those odds.

Laura: It’s a much smaller sample size, but I’m going to let you have it.

[Chloé and Laura laugh]

Eric: Thank you!

Micah: I mean, generally speaking, Eric, they were in danger, because they’re at the bottom of a frickin’ lake in the middle of winter.

[Chloé laughs]

Eric: There’s variables. You can’t possibly predict… yeah.

Chloé: I don’t think they were in direct danger during the task. That being said, that doesn’t mean they’re not traumatized by this whole experience and in danger later on because of it.

Eric: That’s well said; point taken. Let’s talk about the results. So both Fleur and Cedric used the Bubble-Head Charm to survive underwater; Fleur, however, did not rescue her hostage. She was attacked by grindylows and failed to finish, so out of a possible 50 points, she is given 25. We talked about this: Is this character assassination that the only girl in this tournament did so poorly at this task? Is it offensive? Does it offend you?

Laura: Personally, no. I think what this tells me is that the odds weren’t even. I mean, the stakes were a lot higher for the person who was rescuing their younger sibling than they were for anyone else, and I’m not saying that Ron is not super important to Harry, but it’s a different vibe when it’s your younger sibling whose life presumably is in your hands.

Eric: Wouldn’t that give you adrenaline? Wouldn’t that give you superpowers? We hear about people with the maternal instinct lifting buses.

Laura: Maybe.

Chloé: But people respond to that sort of stuff in very different ways. It probably made her freeze and made her more anxious, and she wasn’t able to perform as well as she maybe typically would have because of the much, much higher stakes. Some people thrive on that; some people don’t.

Eric: I’m saying we already have reason to dislike Fleur; she won’t stop talking about how awful Hogwarts is. And so the fact that she does so poorly in this – doesn’t even get to her champion – obviously, it serves Harry’s rescue mission whole plot, but I’m saying it doesn’t look good. That’s why I do think this is character assassination. I always kind of read… I remember being younger and thinking that the reason that Fleur didn’t escape the grindylows is because grindylows are so ugly and offensive that it offends her delicate girl sensibilities. Literally, that’s what I’m reading. And I’m trying to ask if all of that is just me taking that in, or if the author, who is not the world’s greatest supporter of women, in practice, is really writing this character to be a failure at some of these things.

Micah: I’ll add my two cents, for what it’s worth, and then I’ll let Chloé and Laura jump in here. What this reminded me of very much was the first task, right? Where she does achieve the end goal, but there’s commentary about her cloak or her dress getting slightly burned, so they took away points for that. Which, like, who cares about that at the end of the day, really? And there’s also historical context here as well, right? We’ve talked a little bit about it.

Chloé: Let’s go. Let’s go, Micah. [laughs]

Micah: The English don’t like the French, and that’s part of what’s coming through here. I don’t think there’s… that’s part of this character assassination a little bit.

Laura: Well, and being harsher on the one female contestant, too. You have to ask yourself, if one of the boys had performed in the same way that Fleur did, would he also have gotten 25 points?

Micah: That’s a really good point.

Eric: And we’re unsure of the scoring model. It seems like if you’ve successfully done a charm that lets you breathe underwater, you get at least 25 points, because that’s pretty much all Fleur has done. And they give more points to Viktor; all the champions did at least that.

Micah: And to bring up the movie again, I think the movie did a better job because isn’t there a moment where – and I don’t think this is in the book – where Mad-Eye Moody says, “Fleur Delacour is no more a fairy princess than I am”?

Chloé: Yep, that’s the movies, but he does say something in her defense along those lines. I don’t remember the exact line in the books. Fleur is not a fairy princess, and we know this after finishing the entire series. She is strong, she is fierce, she is not delicate in any sense of the word. She might look like it, and to other people that means that if someone is more attractive and looks a certain way, they make assumptions, right? But we know that she’s incredibly intelligent, that she’s the strongest person at Beauxbatons, because she gets in this competition, boys and girls. I don’t think it’s a character assassination because of the context that we have, especially later in the books, but I also don’t think it’s a character assassination because I think actually, I empathize with Fleur in this chapter more than I empathize with her in the rest of this book. I’m not sitting here and saying that she isn’t vain or vapid or pretentious, because she has plenty of those moments, but she is terrified in this moment because it is her younger sister. And after the task, I think it’s Dumbledore that says she gets 25 points, and she says that she deserves none. She says, “I deserve none. I have failed to retrieve my sister.” She’s so terrified, and she’s hard on herself because she wasn’t able to do it, and to me, that speaks a lot to her character and who she is. She doesn’t think she deserves the 25 points, even though she did a very successful Bubble-Head Charm. She did just like Cedric, and we know that that’s hard. I also think that Fleur is so incredibly grateful to Ron and Harry, who she knows a little bit already, and she hasn’t treated them especially kindly in the past, but she’s so grateful in that moment, and there’s no snide commentary. She’s just like, “Thank you so much, because that’s my sister and she means the world to me.” So in my opinion, this chapter shows Fleur in a very positive light in terms of her character. It does make me sad that as the only female contestant/champion, that she didn’t do as well as the men. I think there’s a lot to unpack there, and we have done it a little bit in our girls takeover episodes. She is just as capable as the men; that’s why she is there. Laura, I love your point in the doc, if you want to bring it up, because to me… yeah, if you want to bring it up?

Laura: Yeah, no, I can bring this up quickly. I just also interpreted here that maybe Fleur’s performance is meant to be a commentary on theoretical versus applied knowledge. So it’s clear that she’s incredibly intelligent, but based on her performance in the tasks thus far, it makes me think maybe she doesn’t have a ton of practical experience for those book smarts to really serve her at this point.

Micah: Sounds familiar.

[Chloé laughs]

Laura: Yeah, and it’s funny because Hermione is so freakin’ hard on her. [laughs]

Chloé: For real; the women on women bashing in this book makes me sad. But I do think that that’s why Harry is so good at this competition, despite being so much younger than any of the other champions. He’s got practical application for days. This man…

Eric: Out the wazoo.

Chloé: Yeah, out the wazoo. And honestly, if we’re being so real, so does Krum. He’s experiencing that adrenaline playing Quidditch on a professional scale all the time; he knows what pressure is like. This is likely the first time Fleur has ever been in any sort of situation like this. Cedric plays Quidditch for Hogwarts. We don’t really know what type of experiences Fleur has been a part of. My inkling is that Beauxbatons is way more like studies, learn the theoretical, so for the first time ever, she’s probably doing this and actually having to do it, not in a controlled setting. So I don’t know; I obviously have a lot of feelings about Fleur, and I’m biased in a lot of ways, but I think that this chapter is not a character assassination, but rather a platform to build her into what she becomes later on, which is a war hero, a Weasley, and an incredibly strong and powerful woman in this series.

Eric: Well, I am glad that we asked your opinion.

Laura: Love that.

[Chloé laughs]

Eric: You came on to share it. No, it’s good. It definitely gives me a more positive thing to think about her role in this chapter than what I ordinarily would have intuited, so very appreciative.

Micah: In terms of the actual competition itself, though, one thing I… we did talk about this or try to get an idea about this on an earlier episode, and I think this validates that there’s some kind of grading system for the different tasks, because Fleur does get points despite failing the task, right? Chloé brought up she said, “No, I should get zero because I didn’t achieve what was meant to be achieved in this task,” but clearly she got points for the charm that she used, so there are varying levels of grading going on here.

Eric: You’d never know, but yeah, until you do.

Laura: For sure.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. I’m glad you brought up points; let’s talk about everyone else’s. So Cedric and Fleur, it’s mentioned both did a Bubble-Head Charm. Cedric returned first, but he was one minute outside the hour time limit. He does get 47 out of a possible 50 points; that’s pretty darn good. Viktor used partial transfiguration; he didn’t use a special thing other than try and turn into a shark, and so he did at least half of it. It succeeded in getting him to his champion, who he nearly bit in half. He did bring her back second, and ViKtor is awarded 40 points. I love how Harry at the bottom of the lake is like, “No, no, use this rock. Seriously, use this rock.”

Chloé: [laughs] For real. I’m sorry; it’s so funny. Every time I think about it I laugh so hard, because first of all, the image of a shark head on a man, hilarious. Krum was like, “Ah, yes, I be shark.” I just… it’s so funny to me.

Eric: And didn’t think it through, like he’d need to cut ropes.

Chloé: And can you imagine…? This is super morbid and dark humor, but imagine if in the Daily Prophet the next day, it’s like, “Unfortunate turn of events, but one of the hostages has died because of a shark bite,” or “was injured via shark bite.” [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, Dumbledore wouldn’t even know what happened until 30 minutes later. Are the mermaids going to then do something about it? It just doesn’t… they were in so much danger, y’all. So Viktor gets 40 points; Cedric has 47; Fleur has 25. Harry… okay, he returns last, but he does have the remaining two hostages. Bagman straight up says to everyone that three of the four judges would have given Harry full marks, so all 50 points, and Harry knows that Karkaroff ruined this for him. So instead…

Chloé: That’s crazy, bro.

Harry: Yeah. Harry gets 45 points. How do we feel about this? Are we happy with this?

Chloé: Doesn’t deserve it.

Eric: He doesn’t deserve 45?

Chloé: Nah.

Micah: Absolutely not.

Laura: No.

Micah: He didn’t follow the rules of the challenge.

Chloé: Wow, that’s the Hufflepuff versus Slytherins and Ravenclaw mindset right now for sure.

Laura: Yup.

Micah: And as a result, he came back late. And I don’t think there’s a good Samaritan category as part of this competition.

Eric: Wow.

[Laura laughs]

Chloé: Yup. So real. No, he deserves less than Krum.

Micah: You want to give him 25 points like Fleur for the Gillyweed? Do it. But he didn’t come back on time. There’s no extra points for rescuing other hostages. It was clear when he was down there that Ron was his to take; if he would’ve taken Ron and left, he would’ve probably gotten 50 points because he would’ve been back in plenty of time. Harry’s saving people thing… I’m sorry. Moral fiber? Enough.

Chloé: Those are Harry Potter points. He got those points because he’s Harry Freaking Potter.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: Oh my goodness. But he had no reason to believe that they weren’t in actual danger, as I’ve established. Now, 89% of people don’t agree with me on that…

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: … but I think that Harry is not at fault here for just believing it.

Chloé: No, he’s such a precious little boy, but he doesn’t deserve full marks. That’s cuckoo bananas.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, he deserved to have praise heaped upon him for what he did, but he did not deserve to come in second place in this competition.

Eric: Okay.

Chloé: Danielle said, “Save the heroics for the end of the school year, Harry.”

Laura: Yeah, you’re going to need ’em. [laughs]

Eric: If only.

Chloé: For real.

Eric: All right, well, thank you all for joining me…

Micah: I’m with Karkaroff.

[Chloé and Laura laugh]

Chloé: Me too.

Eric: … for that discussion of the bottom of the lake.


Odds & Ends


Eric: Let’s wrap up the chapter with some odds and ends. Okay, so Viktor, immediately after Hermione is reunited or above the water with Viktor, he pulls a water beetle out of Hermione’s hair. We know that that beetle is Rita Skeeter. In fact, there’s big proof of that in the very next chapter.

Laura: So we have to up the Rita Spy Count.

Micah: Aw, too bad no shark bite.

[Chloé laughs]

Eric: Yeah, and we have to help the Rita Spy Count. We’ll do that at the top of the doc.

Micah: Oh, yeah.

Eric: And then Chloé, you have an absolutely amazing odd and end that I am so grateful to you for.

Chloé: I freaked out for you and for me while I was reading it…

Eric: Ah! I was freaking out!

Chloé: … because there’s a mention of a wizard’s hat, okay? And I have evidence. Okay, so Ron says, “Ron whispered, his eyes alight with interest as he Banished a cushion with a sweep of his wand (it soared into the air and knocked Parvati’s hat off.)”

Laura: [gasps] I love that.

Chloé: Her hat. When Parvati is wearing something different in her hair, JKR denotes it specifically; she wears butterfly clips in another section, and she wears a flower in another section. She is wearing a frickin’ wizard’s hat, which means they all are, or at least most of them. Let’s go.

Eric: Unbelievable.

Laura: Lame.

[Chloé laughs]

Eric: There it is! The third ever mention, and second post-Book 1, of wizards’ hats.

Chloé: I just think that JKR probably remembered this book. [laughs] She’s like, “Oh, yeah, they have hats.”

Micah: But not in the movies.

Chloé and Eric: Yeah.

Micah: And one final odd and end, it’s always important to call out the numbers, right? And unicorns come of age at seven. Seven making another appearance yet again in the series.

Eric: Man. Why didn’t they put a unicorn at the bottom of the lake? It’s old enough.

Chloé: Whoa.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: No. Anyway. I don’t know what I’m saying. I don’t know what I’m even saying at this point.

Chloé: No, that was funny. Keep it in.

Micah: One of the merpeople have a pet unicorn; you just didn’t see it.

[Laura laughs]


MVP of the Week


Eric: It’s time for MVP of the Week.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Eric: I’m going to give my MVP of the Week to the giant squid because if it is at war with the merpeople, it’s doing a pretty good job of staying alive.

Micah: [laughs] I’m going to give it to Dobby the alarm clock…

[Eric laughs]

Chloé: Real.

Micah: … because without Dobby, who knows what would have happened? But I will say, Harry made a promise at the end of this chapter to buy Dobby socks next trip to Hogsmeade. He’d better deliver, and I’m talking a whole effing 12-pack. Dobby deserves…

Chloé: You know what Harry should get Dobby? One are those sock subscriptions. Have y’all seen that? They send you a new sock every month…

Laura: Oh, yeah!

Micah: Like from Bombas?

Chloé: Yeah! Like, love.

Eric: Harry gets Dobby a sock that screams when it’s dirty. That’s actually what he buys him next chapter.

Chloé: Oof.

Laura: All right, I’m going to give mine to Cedric. Even at the height of competition, he’s still helping Harry. When he arrives at the hostages in the Mermish community, he sees Harry there trying to free Gabrielle, and he mouths to him, “Get outta here; Krum is on the way.”

[Chloé laughs]

Laura: So even though he’s like, “I’m still in first place; I’m still going” – he doesn’t even stop; I mean, he just he passes straight on through, grabs Cho, and is off – but he’s still like, “Hey, life pro tip, man. Move.”

[Chloé and Laura laugh]

Chloé: He does have Hogwarts loyalty for sure. I’m going to give it to the chieftainess of the merpeople; boss ass B, first of all. Love that it’s a female in charge of everyone. She vouches for Harry, we presume, because Harry gets all his moral fiber points, and she speaks to Dumbledore and tells him the whole story. Without her we would simply not know anything about what happened at the bottom of the lake.

Micah: I want to throw in one honorable mention, though, and it’s to Percy, because his reaction when Ron comes out of the water was something I don’t think we’ve ever seen from him, and it shows – and I think he deviates a little bit over the next couple books but comes home in Deathly Hallows – that he cares about his family.

Eric: Yeah, that’s a great call-out.

Laura: For sure.

Eric: He’s rushing and out of breath and just has to see that Ron is okay. But if Percy Weasley thinks that there was something… that Ron was in danger, that means nobody told Percy that they weren’t actually in danger, which means they probably were in… okay.

Chloé: Oh my God. [laughs]

Laura: All right, if you have feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or by using our phone number, 1-923-MUGGLE; that’s 1-923-688-4453. Although, to be honest, we really prefer the voice memos you can record on your smartphone, so please send those; they have better audio quality. And if you can keep them under a minute, that would be fabulous. And as a reminder, we are off next week for Memorial Day here in the United States. A bonus MuggleCast installment will be released in its stead, then we’ll be back with more Chapter by Chapter for Goblet of Fire, Chapter 27.

Eric: Yay.


Quizzitch


Laura: And now it’s time for Quizzitch. Take it away, Eric.

Eric: Okay, I was asking Chloé, do you want to maybe read Quizzitch?

Laura: Oh, okay.

Chloé: Sure.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Chloé: Last week’s Quizzitch question: According to Hagrid, at what age do unicorns become pure white? Last week’s answer, also mentioned by Micah, seven years old. Last week’s winners are It’s an owl, it’s a hippogriff, nope, it’s Myrtle swooping down on you in the bathtub…

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Chloé: … Bjorn the silver-horned teenage unicorn; Boogie down like a unicorn, no stopping till the break of dawn – The Weird Sisters, who are still learning how to rhyme words; Dusty Bottoms; Elizabeth K.; Gurl, you’d be stiff if yuda been sittin’ out here all nyte; Jiggly Jane; Ludo Bagman’s crippling gambling addiction (If you have a problem gambling, please seek help)… very nice. Merlin’s saggy left earlobe… naturally. Peter Pettigrew picked a peck of dead Cedric…

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Laura: Oh my God.

Chloé: … Sir King…?

Eric and Micah: King of Kings.

Chloé: Oh, Sir King of Kings. Thank you. [laughs] I thought we were going on Sir Cadogan. The answer is always seven or twelve; Where’s the underwater Care of Magical Creatures lesson… real. You don’t know who manufactures Tootsie Rolls.

Eric: Oh, wow.

Chloé: Amazing.

Laura: I don’t.

Eric: That last one is a deep cut. That last one goes way back to 2005 and another thing another life ago.

Chloé: Next week’s question: Who authorized Aurors to use the Unforgivable Curses during the first wizarding war? Oooh. Wow, that one is pretty hard. Good for you, Eric. [laughs]

Eric: And thank you, Chloé, for taking that… yeah, no, I love that every time somebody else does it they’re like, “Oh, this is not easy.” Of course, listeners can submit your answers for Quizzitch on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or go to the main website and click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Laura: Well, this show is brought to you by Muggles like you. We thankfully don’t have corporate overlords who control the show and could cancel us at any moment for the crazy stuff that we say here.

[Chloé laughs]

Laura: We are proudly an independent podcast, but that means we need support from listeners like you. So how can you help us out? If you’re an Apple Podcasts user, you can subscribe to MuggleCast Gold, which gets you ad-free, early access to MuggleCast, plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month. There’s also Patreon.com/MuggleCast; you’ll get all the benefits of MuggleCast Gold, plus livestreams, planning docs, the chance to co-host the show one day, a new physical gift every year, and a video message from one of the four of us. You can also visit our Etsy store where you can buy many cool MuggleCast items, like the Cozy Comfy Combo Pack, which is our beanie and socks combined together at one reduced price, along with signed album art signed by the four of the hosts, our wooden cars from our sweet 16, T-shirts, and so much more. You can visit that shop by going to MuggleMillennial.etsy.com.

Eric: All right, and as a reminder, Micah, myself, and Chloé will be with us…

Chloé: Let’s go, boys.

Eric: … at Portland, Oregon! I am so excited to do another LeakyCon…

[Laura makes celebratory air horn sounds]

[Chloé laughs]

Eric: Who’s…? What?

Laura: Sorry.

Chloé: Laura was going [makes celebratory air horn sounds]

Eric: Laura, you are the perfect hype girl.

Chloé: It’s going to be lit.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yes, it is going to be lit. Please visit the LeakyCon website and use code “Muggle” to get a discount if you’re thinking of attending. It’s July 5-7 at Oregon Convention Center, and we’re very psyched, very excited. Stay tuned to our socials for updates, and yeah, we will see… Chloé, will you bring the Fleur hat to Oregon?

Chloé: I’m going to cosplay every single day this year, I’ve decided. I’m doing a different cosplay. Last year I did light; this year we’re going all out, baby.

Eric: Oh, man. Who do you know that did full cosplays at LeakyCon last year?

Chloé: Some weird guy, man.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Chloé: He showed up as Elvis Dumbledore? That was cuckoo bananas. [laughs]

Eric: Total cuckoo bananas. I don’t know what I’m doing yet; we’ll figure it out. But we’ll chat.

Laura: Well, if you’re enjoying MuggleCast and think other Muggles would too, you can tell a friend about the show. You can also help us spread the word by leaving a review in your favorite podcast app. Visit MuggleCast.com for transcripts, social media links, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes, and much more. That wraps up this week’s episode of MuggleCast. I’m Laura.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Chloé: And I’m Chloé.

Eric and Laura: Bye.

Chloé: Don’t forget to follow us on socials.

Transcript #658

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #658, Imagine Dumbledore’s Bathroom (GOF Chapter 25, The Egg and The Eye)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the Wizarding World fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And crank up the hot water and pour the bubbles, because this week we are soaking…

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: … in Goblet of Fire Chapter 25, “The Egg and the Eye.” We’re taking a bath, we’re visiting Moaning Myrtle, it’s going to be great. And to help us with today’s discussion is one of our listeners and a Slug Club supporter, Geoff! Welcome, Geoff, to MuggleCast.

Geoff Hutton: Thank you! I feel like Sirius Black. I’ve done my waiting! 14 years of it!

[Everyone laughs]

Geoff: And now I’m finally here with you guys. This is so cool.

Andrew: Well, we’re excited to have you.

Eric: Welcome.

Andrew: Let’s get your fandom ID to kick things off.

Geoff: Well, my favorite book is Order of the Phoenix. My favorite movie is Sorcerer’s Stone. For my Hogwarts House, I am a Puff. [imitating the Puffs from Puffs the Play] Hi! My Ilvermorny House, I am a Pukwudgie. My Patronus is a wolf. Did I miss anything?

Andrew: Excellent. Well, I do have one more important question. In light of today’s chapter, what is your favorite bathroom in Hogwarts?

Geoff: [laughs] My favorite bathroom at Hogwarts. Um…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: You’ve got so many to choose from.

Geoff: Yeah, exactly. There’s this one, and then there’s this other one. But actually, my answer is not really canon, because I’ve always had this theory that Dumbledore’s office has to have the most extravagantly decorated bathroom with a fancy magazine rack next to the toilet…

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “It’s true, it’s true.”

Geoff: … that has just all the most up-to-date knitting pattern magazines for you to peruse.

Andrew: “Yes, yes. It is quite spectacular.”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, I bet he has a really nice bathroom. I mean, if the prefects get that, imagine what the headmaster gets at Hogwarts.

Geoff: No kidding.

Micah: Do you think…? Dose Dumbledore have a bidet? He’s got to, right?

Eric: Oh, absolutely.

Andrew: Definitely. Is that even a question? That was one of his requirements for working at the school.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: It’s a fancy bidet. It even talks to you.

[Andrew laughs]

Geoff: It’s got ten different jet settings on it.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: I will say, bidets are awesome. The last thing that it should do – but probably would in the wizarding world – is talk to you. That’s something I don’t want.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, I don’t want the bidet commenting on what it’s up to.

Micah: In the shape of a phoenix?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Wow.

Eric: “Tuck your pants in, scruffy.”

[Geoff laughs]

Laura: I was just thinking of Hogwarts Legacy and all of the really annoying lines that came out of the Floo Network as you’re trying to navigate around the school and imagining those types of lines coming from Dumbledore’s bidet.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Is that too far? A bridge too far? Do we have to edit that out? [laughs]

Andrew: No, I think that’s fine.

Eric: We brought this on ourselves.

Micah: You have the episode title ready to go.

Eric: “Dumbledore’s Bidet: The Egg and the Eye.” [laughs]

Andrew: So Geoff, you have a great personality. It seems like you are a Potter podcaster yourself. Are you a Potter podcaster?

Geoff: I am in fact a Potter podcaster. I’ve been accused of many things, but that’s definitely one of my favorites. Until recently, I was a host for SpeakBeasty; we recently brought that show to its natural conclusion. And I am also a host for Alohomora!, which thankfully is still going very strong.

Andrew: Excellent. Well, it’s a pleasure to have you on the show, and thanks again for your support.

Geoff: No problem. It’s actually kind of funny, with me being a host on Alohomora! and us discussing this chapter today because we did this chapter, like [laughs] ten episodes ago, so I still had…

Andrew: Oh, really?

Geoff: Oh, yeah, I still had plenty of notes on on this chapter just ready to go.

[Andrew laughs]

Geoff: I did revise it because that’s the thing that you do, but I had plenty of thoughts just at the ready. You sent me this chapter; I said, “Let’s go. Let’s talk about some bathrooms.”

Andrew: What better episode of MuggleCast to be on than a bathroom-themed one?

Eric: Is it okay that this unironically is like my favorite chapter, though, in this book?

Andrew: It’s a great chapter!

Laura: It is good.

Geoff: It’s perfectly fine. There’s plenty to pick apart in this chapter, even outside the bathroom.

Eric: Yes. Mostly, I would argue.

Andrew: We will talk about it in a second, but Micah, I think there’s a little bit of news you wanted to touch on quick?

Micah: Yeah, news is so few and far between these days that when we get a little bit of it, I feel like it’s important to mention, especially for our listeners. Harry Potter: The Exhibition, which has been here in New York and is wrapping up at the end of the summer, is now headed to Boston, so they are going to be releasing some more information, some more details about exactly where the exhibition is going to be and what date it’s going to open. But that is its next stop on what is sure to probably be a multi-city journey over the course of the next couple of years. But for those who have been to the one in New York, it’s totally interactive, totally immersive, which is something that couldn’t be said for the prior exhibition which existed. And we got a chance to interview the person who put it all together back on… I’ll look up what episode it was and we can throw it in the show notes. But I highly recommend for if folks are coming to New York, or if they live or you’re going to be in Boston, to definitely check it out.

Andrew: Okay, cool. Thanks for that update. And we wanted to let everybody know that we have a new bonus MuggleCast coming up on our Patreon and through MuggleCast Gold later this week. Recently, the CEO of WB Games made some interesting comments that hint at what the future might hold for Harry Potter gaming, and he said that they maybe don’t want to do another Hogwarts Legacy, but they want to do something that’s more online, maybe MMORPG, so we’ll talk about that and what we would like to see out of a Harry Potter MMORPG in this week’s bonus MuggleCast. Remember, we’re now recording two bonus MuggleCast installments every month, and like I said, they are being released through Patreon and Apple Podcasts.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: So without further ado, let’s get to Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Chapter 25 of Goblet of Fire, “The Egg and the Eye.” And Geoff is going to start and end this Seven-Word Summary, so here we go.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Geoff: Mermaids…

Laura: … sing…

Andrew: … to…

Eric: … a…

Micah: … bathroom…

Laura: … of…

Geoff: … children.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Aww.

Andrew: Okay. All right.

Geoff: I might’ve set myself up a little bit with that one. You guys said I had the first word, I said, “Are you sure?”, and the one who is hoist with their own petard is me.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: You know, Geoff, we have seven words in the Seven-Word Summary, and my favorite two are the ones that you just contributed.

Andrew: It’s true.

Laura: I agree.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Laura: Despite the maturity of the problems that Harry is coming up against in this book, he’s still salty about Cedric stealing Cho’s heart. But despite this, because of the guilt he feels at the end of the last chapter for lying to Hagrid about working on the egg, he finally does decide to swallow his pride and go to take a nice relaxing bath in the prefects’ bathroom. So this is Cedric’s recommendation, of course, and I think it ends up being a lot more fruitful than Harry thinks it will. But we’re all adults now, right?

Andrew: Uh-oh.

Laura: We’re in our 30s and 40s. Is this bathroom everything we’ve ever wanted?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Because I read and reread the description of this bathroom, and I went to Marc and I was like, “When we move, this is the bathroom I want.” I want a swimming pool bathtub! [laughs] Geoff.

Andrew: That part’s pretty cool.

Eric: This is the Disneyland of bathrooms.

Geoff: Yeah, you know the nice thing about Disneyland? Other people clean it up and I don’t have to.

[Micah laughs]

Geoff: If I have to clean this bathroom, no way do I want it. I’m a shower person. I don’t want to clean a bathtub this size, no way. Also, is it just me, or is this bathroom just a bath room? Because when they describe this bathroom, there’s no mention of toilets or showers or anything else you’d use it for. It’s just a room in which to bathe, right?

Eric: Maybe it’s in the Roman sense, like a bathhouse, essentially.

Andrew: Yeah, I was thinking of this room more of like a sauna or just a place for prefects to gather and unwind after a hard working day. I don’t think it’s necessarily a place you would go to by yourself.

Laura: So they get together and unwind in a big bath together? [laughs]

Micah: Oooh.

Geoff: See, that’s another thing. This bathroom – oh my gosh – okay, so the irony of a bathroom that is equally accessible to people of different gender identities to be created by this author at this point, it just… it’s an ironic bathroom.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: It’s like a massage. You go for a massage every once in a while, right?

Eric: Like a day spa.

Andrew: A day spa, massage, yes.

Micah: They give elf massages.

Geoff: [laughs] Gosh, because the elves need something else to do for these kids.

Andrew: That’s who cleans this big tub, by the way.

Micah: That’s what I was going to say. I had questions about this when we were talking about the bath and who cleans it. It’s like, this is another place for the elves to have to manage.

Laura: Well, I want to make sure that we’re really setting the scene here. So I mean, this bathroom – the literal bath room – it’s softly lit by a candle-filled chandelier. Everything is made of white marble. We already established the bathtub is the size of a swimming pool, but it has a diving board.

Andrew: Fun!

Laura: So maybe you’re right, Andrew, people are coming in here to chill, go for a swim. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, 100%. I mean, we’ve all been through it in the Hogwarts Legacy video game, which, it was excellent that they included it. It’s a big space.

Laura: Yeah, it definitely is. A hundred golden taps with different variations of bubble bath mixed with water, and a large pile of fluffy white towels. All I have to say about this is some of us are going to Podcast Movement in August; we will be staying at the Gaylord Hotel in DC. If the Gaylord DC does not have luxury bathrooms like this, I don’t want it. [laughs]

Andrew: If it doesn’t, we’re going to the spa, where it will have these things.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: I once belonged to a gym that had this and it was amazing, but it was $120 a month; it was insane. I had to quit that.

Geoff: Yeah, you won’t find this at Planet Fitness, no way.

Eric: No, no.

Laura: I mean, I’ll say a MuggleCast spa day actually sounds really fun and like a great bonding experience, so let me know if y’all want to do that.

Andrew: You and I can, Laura, because I seem to recall Micah and Eric going to get massages at a Podcast Movement one year. [laughs]

Laura: Oooh!

Eric: I tried to. I ended up not doing it, actually, so I’m still owed.

Andrew: Oh, okay. All right. All right.

Micah: Yeah, in Orlando. I invited both of you and you didn’t want to come.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I’m sure that’s the full story.

Andrew: I was like, “What was you, Micah; you’re in Florida and need a spa day at a podcast conference.”

Micah: Well, I was coming off of a working trip for a week, and then I met the both of you, remember?

Andrew: Oh.

Eric: Oh, that’s what it is. He needed it to be restored.

Laura: So Harry fills up this tub and decides, “I’m going to try and open this wailing egg in the most echoey room that I could possibly open it up in to see what happens.”

[Eric laughs]

Laura: And what happens is predictable. Egg goes rolling away; Harry drops it in shock. And who appears but a great connecting the threads moment: Moaning Myrtle is back.

Andrew: Yes.

Laura: She has been presumably watching Harry. Although she says that she covered her eyes, she closed her eyes when he came in, I don’t know if I buy it.

Andrew: I don’t either.

Laura: I don’t buy it.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: But I really like the connection here because I feel like in at least a couple of books at this point, a really major plot point or secret or clue that Harry needs is something he unearths in a bathroom because of Moaning Myrtle, so it’s a nice connection to Chamber of Secrets.

Andrew and Micah: Yeah.

Andrew: And so first thing, Myrtle is blinking at Harry when she’s like, “Oh, no, I wasn’t looking at you, I promise,” and a lot of blinking can be a sign that you’re actually lying, so there’s that. And another reason I love this chapter and the scene is because having Myrtle here is probably at least partly to remind the reader about Polyjuice Potion, because it’s brought up that Harry used it to impersonate Crabbe and Goyle and Draco with Ron and Hermione, so it’s a very clever reminder for the reader as we gear up for the twist coming later in this book.

Micah: And what happens not too long after in this chapter, right? When Harry gets stuck in the staircase and we learn that somebody is stealing from Snape’s stores. And I think what jumped out to me was the fact that this is the second major character now that has made a reappearance since Chamber of Secrets that wasn’t in Prisoner of Azkaban; we had Dobby a little bit earlier on, and now we have Moaning Myrtle. So my question is, we know the book is rushed, right? Is this just repeating old storylines?

[Geoff and Laura laugh]

Eric: But so much has happened since then that I actually find it really impressive to have these characters come back, and it’s like, “Oh, you thought they were just a Book 2 thing? Wait’ll you hear that they’re part of future plots!” I don’t know. I feel like this part of the book, especially with what Harry sees on the map and going into the very next task, there are so many plot points that are firing at every cylinder that there’s actually future mysteries brought in as well to these two chapters. There’s stuff like… Harry leaves the encounter with Moody at the end of this chapter wondering what Moody was talking about about Snape’s so-called “second chance.” These are entire series-long mysteries that are being dropped while these old characters of yore are being brought back. So I actually think, yes, the book is rushed, but the writing is on point in this chapter.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, I was also thinking about this just as y’all were making those points about why we would bring characters back from Chamber, and when I think about everything that has set Harry up to be able to function in the Triwizard Tournament, I actually think the events of Chamber of Secrets did a lot more to set him up for being successful in the tournament than the events of Prisoner of Azkaban did, just because of the amount of physical exertion that Harry has to endure throughout this, and fighting off a giant dangerous beast. I think there’s maybe a comparison to be made. And not to say that it was at all the intention to make that comparison, but it makes sense to me that you would get these themes back from Chamber of Secrets that you didn’t necessarily see in Book 3.

Eric: Yeah, Book 3 is all about Harry’s family and his past and finding family that he didn’t know he had, but you’re right, Books 2 and 4, he’s kind of more an action hero.

Geoff: Yeah, in Book 2 he’s solving a mystery, and in this particular task, that’s exactly what he’s supposed to be doing. Task one they say, “We’re not telling you what’s coming”; they all find out anyway because cheating is a traditional part of the tournament. And then the third test, they tell them what’s coming, but it doesn’t really help that much. But in this one, this is the task where they just give them a clue and they have to figure out how to solve it. In Chamber of Secrets, that’s what Harry was doing. He was trying to solve a mystery.

Eric: I mean, there are mysteries in all of them. But I will say, too, specifically because we’ve heard before the author say that Books 2 and 6 were originally going to be swapped, a lot of what didn’t make it into Book 2 is in Book 6, stuff with Tom Riddle’s backstory, for instance. 2 and 6 are really Tom Riddle-focused, really heavy, for obvious reasons. But 4 is the middle book of the whole series, and so it makes sense to see all of these plot threads that are series-long weave their way in through Book 4, maybe not get the world’s biggest focus, but then to see them scuttle off until they’re brought back up in Book 6. So I’m very satisfied when I see these types of connections being made.

Laura: Well, since we’re talking about Myrtle, I think we need to analyze her a little bit because there’s some stuff going on here, and we get some revelations further into her character. So we learn why she’s confined, allegedly, to the Hogwarts plumbing; it’s pretty sad. So Olive Hornby – who we have heard her talk about before in Chamber of Secrets; Olive Hornby was her school bully – apparently had to get the equivalent of a restraining order from the Ministry against Myrtle, who had been stalking and harassing her as a ghost to remind her of the day that Olive found Myrtle’s body after the Basilisk killed her. So according to Myrtle, she was decreed to return to her toilet. [laughs] And I’m wondering here if this is literal, or if she’s embellishing on this?

Geoff: I mean, I think that there’s a Beast, Being, and Spirit Division within the Ministry of Magic, that’s for sure. But this whole thing with ghosts just baffles me because first of all, what gives them the right to dictate how ghosts live their afterlife? And also, how are they going to enforce it? Because let’s just say they tell Myrtle, “Okay, you’ve got to go back. You’ve got to live in your toilet,” or even “You’ve got to live in Hogwarts Castle.” What’s going to keep her there? How are they going to do it? Who’s going to enforce that?

Andrew and Laura: Right.

Geoff: Even if they could do it, it’s Hogwarts. Nobody’s going to keep a ghost in a security nightmare. They can’t keep living children in the security nightmare.

[Micah laughs]

Geoff: They’re not going to be able to keep Myrtle there.

Laura: True.

Eric: Maybe keeping them there is in their best interest because that’s what makes Hogwarts a security nightmare.

[Geoff laughs]

Eric: Filch keeps threatening to have Peeves removed, but Dumbledore is too busy loving Peeves’s chaos to ever get it done.

Micah: They needed to put a trace on Myrtle. That’s what it was.

Geoff: How?

Eric: Yeah, I have to think there’s a way to compel ghosts one way or the other without fully taking their free will away. I don’t know. The whole Olive Hornby story is actually pretty awful. We sort of like the idea of being able to get our high school bullies back, or childhood bullies back, but Myrtle has taken it way too far. She talks about haunting Olive Hornby, showing up at her brother’s wedding, even, which is… that’s super cringe and way too much. And evidently, Olive Hornby has since passed as well. Myrtle essentially led her to an early grave, it could be surmised. So I just feel very bad. It’s an unusual experience reading this book this time, because I feel very bad for Olive, who was, let’s just face it, a teenage age as well, and I don’t think we all deserve to be judged by who we were when we were 13 and 14 or younger.

Laura: Yeah, God no. [laughs]

Geoff: Absolutely not. I did think of something – and it’s a connection to Chamber of Secrets, believe it or not – you can Petrify ghosts. So clearly, they can be in some ways damaged or their condition can be altered, and if they know that, then maybe they can subdue a ghost. It would probably take some pretty strong magic, but I really hate to think what kind of threats they’d have to lobby against Myrtle to get her bound to that castle.

Laura: It’s a good point.

Micah: Yeah, and I feel like within Hogwarts itself, though, that somebody like Dumbledore would give Myrtle free reign of the castle, but she seems the type to stick to what’s familiar to her. She doesn’t seem the adventurous type outside Olive Hornby’s brother’s wedding and everywhere that Olive goes, so I think she just went back to where she was comfortable, quite honestly.

Andrew: And she loved that toilet.

Eric: Yeah, the girls’ bathroom on the second floor was a refuge for her in life, and it makes sense that that would be where she would gravitate to. We really don’t see her in many other places with the exception of those in this and the next chapter. We do see her show up at Nick’s deathday party, but Peeves bullies her back to the bathroom. So she tries to be social; she tries to… Myrtle just can’t catch a break. But in this chapter, her trying to catch a glimpse of Harry is played very much for laughs.

Laura: Yeah, well, and we also learn that Harry is not the only person she tries to catch a glimpse of; she apparently entertains herself by spying on people taking baths in this bathroom all the time. So I’m wondering if she’s just popping into all the school bathrooms to get all the hot goss on people. I mean, clearly, there’s not a whole lot else for her to do.

Geoff: Now, not to excuse Myrtle’s behavior…

[Laura laughs]

Geoff: … because I agree, it’s very cringe. But Myrtle died a very vulnerable young lady who I gather did not easily engage with others, and as has been established, this is unfortunately… even though a bathroom is where she perished, it’s also where she hid when she was feeling vulnerable. And whether they are taking a proper bath, or putting on swimsuits and treating this more like a spa day kind of thing, when you are not very clothed and in a giant tub, you are in a very vulnerable position at any age, I would say. So perhaps this is on some level her recognizing that as a vulnerable person, she can try to connect with other people while their guard is down.

Eric: Oh, so she’s unironically seeking connection.

Geoff: Yes, exactly. It does not excuse cringe behavior, but it is a way of trying to understand why she’s doing it.

Andrew: If you’re trying to figure out… yeah, yeah.

Eric: That’s interesting, for sure.

Micah: So is it then unfair to ask if Myrtle was the original Saltburn?

Eric: The original what?

Andrew: You’re referring to the movie?

Micah: Yes.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Geoff: I did not see Saltburn.

Micah: There’s a specific scene. We don’t have to go into details. We’ll leave it there.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: I will say, for this and many other reasons, Hogwarts is a privacy nightmare.

Geoff: How many people listening to the show right now do you think are getting their phones out and googling Saltburn?

Andrew: Yeah, maybe don’t google it.

[Geoff and Micah laugh]

Eric: I’m trying to resist.

Micah: It’s a bit pervy that she’s spying on students in these types of situations, and it’s actually the second instance of a character trait in these last few chapters that we’ve read. We’ve seen it with Mad-Eye Moody/Barty Crouch, Jr. when he looks through Harry’s pants to see his socks at the Yule Ball. And I saw your air quotes there, Eric.

[Geoff laughs]

Eric: I did the air quotes. “Socks.”

Micah: But it’s in so much that it also upsets Parvati, right? So there’s this weird theme running through these last couple of chapters that I don’t remember when I first read Goblet of Fire.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: When you think you’re alone, you’re not alone. It’s just a very tonally… yeah, I think it’s supposed to kind of give you this sense of your hair standing on the end.

Andrew: Yeah. And I like, Geoff, your deep take on this, but I also think that Myrtle is just trying to pass the time by listening in on people’s conversations in the bathrooms and spying on them. I don’t want to say I support what she’s doing, especially the looking part – hate that – the listening part, though, I think we’ve all been there.

Geoff: Oh, sure.

Andrew: And maybe literally in a bathroom; you’re in one stall and listening to people gossiping in front of the mirrors or something like that. [laughs] That’s the takeaway I was getting from this scene, like Myrtle is just one of those people who’s overhearing what you’re talking about in the bathroom.

Micah: Yeah, and I understand she was 14 at the time when she was killed by the Basilisk, but where my head goes – and this is probably a product of having seen a lot of the films before having read the books – is Shirley Henderson and the fact that she was 35 at the time that she was playing Moaning Myrtle and doing that scene with Daniel Radcliffe, and he was, what, maybe 15/16 at the time? He was a little bit older than the actual age of Harry. But yeah, I mean, that’s what comes to mind, and I’m sure it does for a lot of people too.

Laura: Yeah, I remember how uncomfortable that was, especially with some of the choreography they did in that scene. [laughs]

Eric: You mean, like, the blocking? The way that Harry pulls more bubbles to cover himself?

Andrew: The bubbles, yeah.

Geoff: Yeah, they took an awkward scene in the book and kept it very awkward. And they added that music in the background that kind of sounds like the beginning to that one aria from Carmen; it’s like… [sings] It’s like, this is not mood music! You stop that!

Laura: [laughs] Yeah, not necessary.

Andrew: Well, I guess we’ll have to see how the TV show handles it, because I guess they can start by casting somebody younger for the role of Myrtle. And I mean, Harry doesn’t have to be nude in the tub, either. He could just be wearing a bathing suit, so they could get around it that way too.

Geoff: I should hope so. He does say in the book, “I’m not wearing anything,” which to me kind of destroys the argument of “Oh, the prefects are just chilling out with their buds,” and I’m like, “No. Even at that age, no. Me and my buds are not… no. We would have bathing suits.” But Harry brought nothing but the Invisibility Cloak and the egg because Harry is not a heavy packer.

Andrew: Is the cloak waterproof? He could have just worn that into the tub, actually, and then Myrtle… this problem would not have risen.

Laura: Does the cloak work on ghosts, though?

Geoff: And it makes things invisible, so if he’s wrapping it around all of himself – or even just the certain areas – then they are not visible to anyone. Problem solved.

Eric: The Invisibility Bathing Towel.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Geoff: There you go. That’s a Shark Tank pitch you haven’t seen yet.

Laura: [laughs] Well, we are jumping a little bit ahead in the chapter to do some of this analysis on Myrtle, and we’re going to come back to the egg in a second, but I wanted to also touch on this: Apparently, Myrtle also gets flushed into the lake sometimes, so here’s our confirmation that Hogwarts is dumping its sewage into the lake where the giant squid lives, not to mention all the merpeople and God knows what other members of the ecosystem.

Eric: [laughs] Maybe that’s why they’re so cross. That’s why the merpeople just aren’t very happy.

Andrew: What if the giant squid is the house-elf of the lake and is cleaning the lake? That’s the purpose of the giant squid.

Laura: Aw, that’s so terrible.

Andrew: Well, but wait, there are sea animals that help clean the ocean in their own ways, so maybe that’s the role of the giant squid. That’s why the squid’s been allowed to hang there for so long, and then occasionally waves to people.

Eric: Well, we do have the 1,000-year old solution, too; before modern plumbing, there was the Evanesco charm. I like to think that maybe some of the ducts at Hogwarts have an automatic Evanesco so that nothing substantial is making it out into the lake.

Micah: So all they had to do was follow the poop in the second… anyway.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Yeah, the spiders and the poop.

Micah: But I like this. This is like a Thief’s Downfall but for poop. It’s poop’s downfall.

Eric: That’s what I’m thinking of. Yeah, on the grates leading right out into the ocean, and the only reason it doesn’t work on Myrtle is because she’s a ghost.

Micah: This episode…

[Geoff and Micah laugh]

Laura: Well, as fun as this is, I think we need to take a bathroom break…

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Ooh, good.

Laura: … because if we keep going on with the bathroom humor too much longer, Andrew is going to kill us, so we’ll be right back after these messages.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: This episode is explicit, without question.

Andrew: This episode is sponsored by Charmin.

[Ad break]

Laura: So now we’re going to talk about working out this egg, right? So Myrtle appears when she realizes Harry is not working out the egg right, and she says, “I’d try putting it in the water if I were you,” causing Harry to drop the egg, cause all the commotion we talked about at the top of the conversation. So he puts the egg in the water, submerges himself, and he hears the song clue. And I wanted to see if anyone here was feeling brave enough, creative enough, inspired enough to do a rendition of this clue.

Andrew: Oh, pfft. Of course. Do you want me to sing it?

Laura: I mean, do whatever feels natural to you.

Eric: Well, hang on. This was not revealed yet, but one among us is actually a wizard wrockstar.

[Laura gasps]

Andrew: Oh, okay. Then Geoff, you do it.

Geoff: I was wondering if this was going to come up or not.

Eric: So ladies and gentlemen, please, coming to the stage to do the rendition of the egg clue, Dream Quaffle.

Geoff: Okay, so shall I just sing it then?

Laura: Do whatever you want.

Andrew: However you think is right.

Eric: However you would. Do the interpretation however you would. Sorry to put you on the spot.

Micah: Yeah, however it speaks to you.

Geoff: [sings]

“Come seek us where our voices sound,
We cannot sing above the ground,
And while you’re searching, ponder this:
We’ve taken what you’ll sorely miss,
An hour long you’ll have to look,
And to recover what we took,
But past an hour – the prospect’s black,
Too late, it’s gone, it won’t come back.”

Laura: Woo!

Micah: Wow.

Andrew: [applauds] Encore!

Laura: That was amazing.

Geoff: Thank you.

Andrew: Yeah, that was really good. [laughs] Way better than anything I had in mind.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Honestly, they need to contact you for the show.

Geoff: Yeah, you know what? They can. I’m @DreamQuaffle on all my social medias. Just send me a DM; we’ll work it out.

Andrew: Max that! Here we go.

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

Micah: Thank you, Geoff, for just bringing the show totally back.

Geoff: Oh, you bet.

Laura: I know. You brought it to a whole new level. [laughs]

Eric: Geoff, I’m looking forward to hearing that rendition live and in person at Leaky this summer.

Geoff: I absolutely will do that for you. I can’t wait.

Eric: Okay, awesome. We’ll do backup. We’ll do the oom-sha-la-las or something.

Geoff: [laughs] The oom-sha-la-las. I did a chant-like thing because that’s the way this text always read to me. My music theory brain kicks in; I’m like, “You know what? Ethereal-sounding mermaid song with a whole bunch of reverb.” This just sounds so chanty to me. But yeah, we’ll throw some sha-na-na-na-nas in the background. You guys can do that.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Some sha-na-nas, some bah-bah-bah. Very classic wizard rock. I’ve got to say, it’s such a rhythmic and I think entrancing chant for a horrifying message.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, well, I guess that’s the fun of it? The intrigue around it? It’s almost a purposeful misdirect where it’s…

Geoff: Yeah, I would be… oh, yes. The fun of lying to children just intentionally!

Andrew: Well, it’s not…

Geoff: It is!

Andrew: Well, it’s lying in one way, but yeah.

Geoff: It’s a pretty big way.

Andrew: I guess so.

Geoff: You are intentionally telling children that something they care about will never come back if they don’t find it in a specific amount of time. It’s a terrible lie to tell to children.

Laura: It’s very sinister.

Eric: It’s so funny because… this is getting into what I think I do want to bring up next chapter when we talk about the task, but because of the way in which the “We’re going to take something that you love” comes across, I don’t think that Harry is fully set – or anybody – would be fully set up for the reality of what they’re about to face. So now that we finally worked out the clue – it took Harry months to do this – now that he’s worked out the clue, I don’t think the clue is that great. [laughs] I think it’s actually… it doesn’t adequately even… it still doesn’t prepare you. Harry still the needs the help of Myrtle to point out the mermaid for him to really understand what’s going on, and even then, not enough focus on “Wait a minute, they’re taking something? What are they going to take?”

Laura: Well, and also, “How am I going to be able to look for something in the lake for an hour? I’m sure the mermaids live at the very bottom,” he thinks this. So he doesn’t even get any sort of hint as to what he’s supposed to do to be able to embark on this endeavor in the first place. So yeah, I agree; it’s not a great clue. It’s pretty scary.

Micah: Maybe I’m by myself here; I think he makes the connection way too quickly. What context before this does he have to merpeople? I’m not going to go the route of the writing was rushed – I was just joking about that when I brought it up earlier – but even in the movie, you’d think it would take a little bit more thought for him to connect the dots.

Andrew: About the merpeople specifically? Or it just happening underwater?

Micah: Yeah, merpeople. I mean, I know there’s a mermaid or merperson up on the wall of the bathroom…

Eric: Which is lucky.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, how convenient.

Andrew: Well, that’s probably jogging his memory. Obviously putting the egg under the water is a hint that this is happening underwater.

Micah: But you think the singing gives it away, Geoff?

Geoff: It does. It’s not just the fact that it’s… with the Jim Dale narration – I forget about the Stephen Fry narration because I’ve only been through that set of books one time – but the Jim Dale narration, he doesn’t sing it. He just kind of reads it in this raspy voice that sounds very like his Voldemort voice from Deathly Hallows.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: It does, doesn’t it? It was giving Voldemort for me as well,.

Geoff: Hey, you know, he had to do like 300 characters per book; at a certain point, they’re going to start to sound similar. We can’t all be The Simpsons. Anyway, it’s just the line “We cannot sing above the ground,” so they’re either in water or literally underneath the ground, and it’s something that sings. And I don’t know about Harry personally – because they don’t teach creatures or history or any subjects the same way they did when I was this age – but by this point, even I knew when I was 14 that mermaids and sirens sing to lure you towards something, but that’s me personally. I will also admit that at that age, if I were in this position and I had that clue, I would think mermaids first, but I would have talked myself out of it by saying, “No, that’s too obvious. It has to be something more complicated.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Geoff: And then I would not have done the task.

Micah: I can see that. I do, though, agree with what was brought up from the standpoint of he has far more to worry about, so connecting the dots to the merpeople is just to get him to the place where he realizes, “Yeah, well, how am I going to swim underwater for an hour?” That’s really what he needs to try and solve here, and that’s a much bigger problem.

Geoff: This one in particular feels like a good point to remind ourselves he is 14. He has the magical education of a 14-year-old who has been through three and a half years of school. He’s not supposed to know how to breathe underwater for an hour…

Micah: [laughs] That’s true.

Geoff: … or even to figure out how should in theory do that. He’s not supposed to be here! So of course he can’t do it without help.

Andrew: Well, he also was not supposed to procrastinate, so this is kind of on him too.

Geoff: Are you kidding? He’s a 14-year-old boy! That’s one thing it’s weird if 14-year-old boys don’t do. They procrastinate.

[Micah laughs]

Laura: Yeah, and I think we established this on an earlier episode, where we talked about the procrastination and how when you’re that young, thinking, “Oh, this task is three months away; that’s an eternity” makes complete sense.

Andrew: Yeah, I’m just kind of making fun of my previous comments.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: I think the solution… but nevertheless, you do kind of… I think you make a good point, Geoff, because the 17-year-olds who’ve been through human transfiguration starting in like year six at least have some kind of a fighting edge, or they would have heard about Bubble-Head Charms, the things that the other champions do to survive this task. Harry at 14, yeah, he’s got Bagman sketchily offering him a hint, and he has some other people who kind of check in with him, but nobody is really… this needs to be weighted differently for Harry. I feel like he really should in a… it wouldn’t be cheating for somebody to say, “Here’s generally what you should be doing,” for this task more than anything else, because this task, you could drown if you do it wrong.

Geoff: I mean, poor Cedric. My dear, sweet Cedric boy is so bad at cheating because it is so far outside his nature. If I had been in his shoes and I was trying to help Harry cheat, I wouldn’t tell him, “Hey, take your egg and open it underwater,” because they’re going to check and see if you’ve done that. I would have just told him, “You should probably pull some books on breathing underwater and learn how to do that. There you go.” Then he doesn’t even have to bother with this whole mishegoss in the bathroom; he can just look up how to breathe underwater.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Eh, he still needs to do the clue. It’s part of the experience.

Eric: There is some shade to Cedric, though, because Moaning Myrtle says that Harry got the mermaid clue much faster, and at the time that Harry is in the bathroom, the mermaid is asleep and facing the other way even after the egg opens. But for Cedric, she was doing loop-de-loops, swimming around, and trying to get his attention, and poor little sweet summer child Cedric was so hard at work on the clue that he didn’t notice the mermaid that was literally right in front of his face.

Geoff: That boy is so pure, he wouldn’t have known what to do with that mermaid anyway.

Eric: He’s too pure for this world.

Geoff: And he is, he was, and now he’s… dead.

[Laura laughs]

Geoff: Not at this point, but it’s going to happen.

Laura: Soon.

Micah: Yeah. Well, speaking not of this world, I wanted to just call attention to the last two lines of this clue. “But past an hour, the prospect’s black. Too late, it’s gone, it won’t come back.” There were a lot of theories – maybe it’s not a theory – but there were a lot of thoughts and comments made after Order of the Phoenix had come out that this was a possible reference to Sirius going through the veil and not coming back.

Laura: Ohh.

Eric: That is interesting. The only thing in this entire clue that screams Hogwarts at all is that word “black,” because they sometimes call the lake “the Black Lake.” That’s really the only indicator at all about where this is to take place. Even if you get mermaids, or even if you get something is underwater, something underground, there are so few words in here to actually help – actually help – anything. Like, at all. And so “black” is one of them. And the whole “You won’t get it back, it won’t come back,” again, just is very ominous, and not enough effort has been spent really looking at that. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah, I don’t think Harry initially even imagines that the thing being taken is a person.

Eric: Oh! He thinks it’s like… they’re going to go into his trunk or something.

Laura: [laughs] He thinks they’re going to take his Firebolt. Well, having worked out the clue, all Harry needs to do is mind his business. Go back to Gryffindor tower, go to bed, end chapter, and episode over. Right? No, because Harry doesn’t know how to mind his damn business.

Micah: Amen.

Laura: He’s following the Marauder’s Map under his Invisibility Cloak, and he sees one Bartemius Crouch perusing Snape’s office and thinks, “I gotta go check that out.”

Eric: Okay, vibe check, though: Who among us would absolutely be doing the same thing if they saw somebody raiding Snape’s office and it wasn’t you? You’d be like, “Oh, kindred spirit. Have to check this out.”

Andrew: And it’s also somebody he is suspicious of. And I did also wonder – since we’ve occasionally raised this question before – could Harry’s interest in investigating this be Horcrux Harry at play? Maybe a little desire for trouble, which also is a bit of James Harry, too, but maybe just a natural curiosity towards anyone involved with Voldemort. That’s Horcrux Harry drawing him out to investigate. I know that that’s the type of thing that Harry would be doing, but given Barty Crouch’s connections to Voldemort, Junior’s connections to Voldemort, maybe the Horcrux is steering him along.

Geoff: I like that. I had not thought of that before, but I like it.

Eric: Yeah. It’s a matter of self-preservation for Harry, too, because if he can solve the larger mystery… he sees something this out of place; he assumes it means Crouch Sr. Crouch Sr., who is too sick to work, is now all of a sudden not only at Hogwarts, but didn’t come to Hogwarts when he was supposed to be at Hogwarts during the Yule Ball, now after hours is raiding Snape’s office. It’s too big a mystery for Harry to ignore. I do think that he’s been reckless in the past, but this is something where if you can nip this in the bud, if he had actually solved the mystery tonight, Cedric lives and nothing else bad happens to Harry ever until next year.

Laura: I don’t know. I look at this and I think it would have been a lot more effective to be stealthy about this, not feeling like you have to go directly to the source and see what’s going on. Monitor the map, see where he goes, and try to…

Eric: The map is only so good. We can’t know what Harry would have done had he not gotten stuck in the stair.

Laura: Well, yeah, of course. So it’s for the plot, is what you’re saying?

Geoff: Gryffindors don’t think that far ahead unless they’re Hermione.

Eric: Oh, there you go. Geoff’s got it.

Andrew: Also, Barty was doing circles around Snape’s office on the map; it’s not like he was really on the go, so maybe that further encouraged Harry to go and look, because I mean, he was also kind of trapped in Snape’s office. If you catch him in the office, he has nowhere to run.

Geoff: And then he does what? He encounters this adult wizard who’s probably more skilled and cleverer than he is, who managed to get into Hogwarts without being detected, and then Harry is going to do what? What’s his plan? See, he has no plan.

Andrew: Like you said, Gryffindors don’t think far ahead, yeah.

Geoff: Unless they’re Hermione.

Eric: It is worth noting that it’s unlikely Harry could have gone undetected, because Moody can see through his cloak. So I was going to say Harry would stay in the shadows outside Snape’s office, he would see Moody come out, he would realize that on the map the person that looks like Bartemius Crouch is in fact the teacher Moody, problem solved. It would be great. But I don’t think that Moody would leave without spotting Harry, just because Moody is on alert and that’s what he can do.

Laura: But as Harry is trying to navigate the castle, finding shortcuts to get down to Snape’s office, he does miss the trick step that always trips Neville up, and he ends up stuck with a leg…

Micah: He misstepped, literally.

Laura: [laughs] He did.

Eric: Ha.

Laura: Yeah, he misstepped. He ends up with a leg hanging through the stairs. The egg tumbles out of his hands to the bottom of the stairwell, where it bursts open and starts wailing and screeching, making a ton of noise. All I can imagine is what if someone else was out right now in the castle and they were maybe a floor below where Harry is, and all of a sudden they see this leg come through the stairs and you just start hearing this wailing and screeching because Harry’s leg is no longer covered by the cloak; it’s just hanging through the stairs, so is somebody just down there seeing his leg dangling, presumably, if they’re out?

Eric: I’m picturing that one shot of, what is it, Last Crusade where Indiana Jones steps through the thing and his foot is shown in the thing? I have to ask the question, because this is terrifying: Why is this here? This is a public staircase. I understand Hogwarts is quirky, but this is a pretty commonly trafficked staircase to get to… it’s very handy. But not only is there a trick stair, it’s also not well lit. Filch is standing inches from Harry and can’t see the map that Harry has dropped, so it’s extremely dark at night, not well lit. Not ADA compliant, let’s just go ahead and say that; although, it doesn’t need to be in the UK, but I assume the UK has something similar. This is a medical nightmare. Harry could have twisted his ankle. Harry could have broken his leg. For what? Let’s fix this stair! Come on, people! Let’s patch this up!

Andrew: [laughs] Uh-oh, I fear for the day we discuss Quidditch again. Eric is going to be like, “It’s so dangerous! What is wrong with this?”

Geoff: It is dangerous.

Eric: No, no, no. I don’t… look, a contact sport is something you sign up for. A contact sport is something you sign up for. Going to… I mean, what if the teachers, right? McGonagall is over 100, if she was in Fantastic Beasts. Dumbledore is 150. What about the older…? Maybe this is how Binns died, just going down the stairs one day. Whoops, he’s friggin’ dead!

Geoff: It’s canon how Binns died.

Eric: All that is said is that… it is assumed that he woke up, or he went to bed at his office and just woke up and left one day, but I don’t know.

Geoff: I mean, there’s only two explanations that make sense to me. Either they can’t, because similar to not being able to expel a poltergeist for some reason, there’s something quirky about this step; you just can’t fix it. That’s not very satisfying to me. What seems the most likely is it’s one of those minor annoyances that everybody thinks, “Eh, somebody’ll take care of that.” Everybody thinks somebody else is going to be the one to go to Dumbledore and say, “Heyyy, can we get rid of that fake step, because I almost broke my ankle? Okay, thanks,” and then no one ever does.

Andrew: I kind of like the idea that that’s a cursed step like the DADA role and it’s just impossible to fix. I think that would be very Hogwarts for that step to just be permanently in a trap mode. [laughs]

Geoff: I mean, you can make a Permanent Sticking Charm for pictures and stuff; maybe you can make a permanent Minor Damage Charm, and that was something that the architect who put the moving staircases in did as their little joke because their last payment from the founders was late and they’re like, “Okay, you know what? I’m going to give you this step forever and you’re going to be stuck with it. Pay your contractors on time.”

Eric: I like this canon. An angry contractor is my new favorite headcanon. Yeah, okay, I’ll go with that. I do picture, though, Laura, to your question of what do you imagine? The way it’s written is so funny because Harry loses the map, he loses the egg, he loses his cloak…

Andrew: He’s a mess.

Eric: He can’t get his stuff out and he can’t help himself out. I almost picture… there’s a thing in Family Guy with Peter Griffin where he falls down some stairs and just everything that could possibly go wrong goes wrong, and yeah, that’s what I picture. It’s just devastating. He’s trying to be stealthy, and it absolutely blows up in his face in every possible way.

Laura: Yeah. Well, to the point you raised earlier, Eric, Filch is first on the scene; he’s convinced that Peeves has stolen the egg from one of the champions and is up to some mischief. And much to Harry’s chagrin, shortly thereafter appears Snape, and Snape automatically knows “Somebody has been in my office messing with my wares, and I need you to come help me figure out who’s doing it, Filch.” And again, we made this connection – I think Micah did a little bit earlier – but Fakey, a.k.a. Barty Crouch, Jr., is in Snape’s office gathering ingredients to create that sweet, sweet Polyjuice Potion, just like we did in Chamber of Secrets.

Andrew: And it is funny that Snape’s prediction as to why a student would be in his office is mostly accurate here. Somebody is trying to get ingredients for the Polyjuice Potion; the question is who. And this is also another reminder for the reader as to the existence of the Polyjuice Potion and that it will come into play. It did make me think, though, it is too bad that Snape doesn’t have a way of detecting people who are under Polyjuice Potion, because if he has the ingredients to create it, you would think – and he can read minds – he might also have a way to detect if somebody is under Polyjuice Potion, and if he did, this mystery would have been solved right here, am I right?

Geoff: Speaking of detecting people, this is the thing that has always bugged me, because Snape gets so much credit for being so smart, and he is. He’s a jerk, but he’s a smart jerk. But this is a Snape thing that has always really bothered me; he says, “I seal my office with a spell that none but a wizard could break,” but what is the point of that spell if it can’t detect the identity of the witch or wizard in question? I know that Muggle technology doesn’t work at Hogwarts, so you don’t have cameras, but if you can detect the last spell that a wand cast, why can’t you detect some trace of who exactly has been in your office? Especially if he’s so keen to pin it on Harry, if he really thinks that Harry is doing it, he needs a way of proving who’s going into his office. Otherwise, it doesn’t matter. It could be anybody.

Andrew: And it’s certainly possible, because the map is capable of this. [laughs]

Micah: The other thing this made me think about, though, too, in terms of revealing people is Homenum Revelio, right? Why doesn’t Snape choose in that moment when he’s with Filch to actually see if Harry is there? We were told that’s how Dumbledore knew that Harry was in Hagrid’s hut back in Chamber of Secrets, and of course we see the spell used at other times throughout the rest of the series, but it always… that was one thing that came to mind when I was reading this scene. Why didn’t Snape choose to do that?

Eric: Yeah, and the reason that we find out that Snape’s office is barred with a charm that only a wizard could break is because Snape is forced to rule out Peeves as the person that was in his office per Filch’s insistence. So if you’re Snape, and you’re barring your office, and it’s either going to block all wizards from entering or all ghosts from entering, who do you think you’re going to bar your office off from? Wizards, right? All the students that want to creep into your stores and get your potions ingredients. Wouldn’t it make more sense for Snape to be like, “No, my office is protected and nobody but a ghost could get in there”? That’s a lot more secure than “Any wizard ever could go in.” And to your point, Geoff, I wouldn’t know who it was.

Geoff: Yeah, if you’re trying to figure out who’s stealing your stuff and you don’t care about who it is, why are you bothering? Just put it out on the porch and let them take it.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Wow.

Laura: Like Halloween.

Geoff: Yeah, like Halloween. [laughs] Put some Polyjuice ingredients in a pumpkin on your porch. Call it a day.

Laura: Well, I need to go break into Andrew’s potions closet to steal some ingredients, so we’ll be right back after a few words from these sponsors.

Andrew: Laura’s gotten really good at these ad break transitions.

Laura: Oh, thank you.

Eric: She’s so good at it!

[Ad break]

Laura: Okay, and so Mad-Eye Moody – a.k.a. Mad-Eye Fakey – joins the slumber party. He actually calls it out as a pajama party when he shows up and finds Filch and Snape sort of at odds about how to proceed here. And my first thought was in retrospect, a third character appearing in the middle of the night, when it was just established that only another wizard could have been searching Snape’s office, should have been a tip off. Maybe not for Harry, but certainly for us as readers.

Eric: But I think the biggest thing that works to Moody’s favor is that he shows up and immediately takes charge. He takes charge in a way that… Snape and Moody’s real life relationship is tense. It is also revealed through dialogue that Moody has already searched Snape’s office and Snape knew about it, and so that immediately, I think, deflates… you’re like, “Oh, it’s fine. He wouldn’t need to break in there because he’s already searched in person, and Snape knows about it.” So that’s why I think we don’t suspect him. But the way in which Snape is let’s just say handled by Junior here is a masterclass in how to… it’s like, we love that he’s helping Harry out in this moment, but it’s really shocking how good he is at it.

Laura: He is very good, because of course, we established that Harry dropped the Marauder’s Map. Moody very nearly blows Harry’s cover by saying, “Oh, did you drop a bit of parchment?” Snape turns around and immediately recognizes it, and starts casting about with his arms as far out as he can reach. He’s described as literally having his nostrils flared as though he is sniffing Harry out, which is a really bad moment for Harry because he used a bunch of heavily perfumed bath soaps in the prefects’ bathroom.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: “You’re smelling very lovely tonight, Filch. I just have to tell you.”

Laura: [laughs] Not only is he worried about Mrs. Norris being able to smell him – I mean, he’s already worried she can see him through the cloak – but now he’s got Snape literally about to reach out and grab him when Moody takes the Marauder’s Map and says, “Oh, no, sorry, that was mine.” Might be because Harry is frantically waving under the cloak, “No, no, no, that’s mine! That’s mine!” because he knows Moody can see him.

Micah: So I have a question about this, and this is something that has always bothered me a bit. This cloak is not an ordinary cloak. It’s one of the Deathly Hallows.

Andrew: It’s waterproof.

Micah: [laughs] That too. I don’t think Moody should be able to see through it.

Andrew: And definitely not an imposter. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, I mean, I think I would agree that Moody’s eye is overpowered, but I will say at least the book has established by this point – I’m pretty sure it has – that Moody can see through it. So this isn’t the first time we see that happening, which is good.

Laura: Well, and as we established, Mad-Eye really does a good job here. Fakey, excuse me, does a good job here of gaslighting the hell out of Snape and basically turning the tables on him and saying, “Dumbledore is pretty interested in anyone who’s got it out for Harry; why are you so convinced it was him? Why are you so obsessed with him?” [laughs] And it forces Snape to back down, which is so funny, seeing Snape actually be intimidated by someone else, which goes to show he doesn’t suspect that this is an imposter at all.

Eric: No.

Andrew: And maybe this is one reason Fakey is going so hard to help further sell the act. You would never expect Snape to be overpowered. It’s normally him who’s top dog, whether it’s another professor or, of course, a student, so to see this was a really fun read, and also just so cool to see Harry and Moody silently team up.

Laura: Yeah. He also allows Harry to overhear him saying other things to Snape, like “There are some marks that I don’t believe come off.” And Snape then grabs his forearm reflexively, and Harry is like, “Oh, I wonder what’s going on there?” But what do we make of the interaction here between Barty Crouch, Jr. and Snape? Because again, Barty is clever, right? He’s absolutely got animosity towards former Death Eaters who seemingly abandoned Voldemort, but at the same time, he’s playing it all out under the guise of being this former Auror so he completely flies under the radar. What do we think his motivation in this moment is?

Geoff: I used to think he was just venting all this anger that he never got to unload on any of those other Death Eaters that he mentions later in the book where he talks about how they never had to suffer for his master the way he did, but I actually think that when it comes to Snape, it’s a little bit different because he doesn’t know all the things that have gone on with Snape since he went to jail, got broken out, was on house arrest for years. I think he probably knows that Snape is formidable and useful and doesn’t know that his true allegiance is actually with Dumbledore. So I think when he’s amping him up with this discussion about how there are some spots that don’t come off, “You really can’t change your true nature,” it feels very Palpatine-esque to me when I read it now, almost like he’s reminding him, “You can’t change who you really are, Snape. You’re a kick-butt wizard, but you are definitely one of the Dark Lord’s soldiers, and he’s going to rise up again at the end of this book, and when he does, you’d better take that call, buddy, because if you send him to voicemail, he is going to whoop you good.”

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: I love the idea that Junior is leaving the door open for Snape, personally. Between them, hasn’t made his mind up yet, exactly. I really love that because it works for me. It definitely sells this idea of Alastor Moody, who he’s supposed to be, as this grizzled old cop who doesn’t believe in second chances, so I think it really works perfectly. “Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater” is exactly the prejudicial thing that you can think a retired police officer would say about somebody.

Micah: I’d add that this is also… this whole scene playing out in front of Harry is a major moment of trust-building between Moody and Harry.

Eric: Absolutely.

Micah: And we spoke in prior episodes about how there are other examples; he transforms Draco into a ferret, right? He gives Harry the final piece he needs for the first task. But he really saves Harry’s ass here, and he does it in a way, as Geoff, you just so eloquently put it, debasing Snape. So Harry couldn’t ask for more here; not only is he being saved, but he’s seeing Snape taken down a few pegs and is probably inside loving every minute of it.

Eric: Yeah, very few people could tell Snape to go back to bed…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Literally.

Eric: … and live.

Laura: Well, and it’s so funny that you mention Fakey saving Harry’s butt here, Micah, because Harry doesn’t know it, but he kind of returns the favor. If Harry hadn’t missed the trick step, and subsequently dropped the map and the egg and everything, he likely would have seen Moody come around a corner at some point, looked at the map…

Andrew: “Is this map bugged?”

Laura: … and seen, “That’s not Barty Crouch.” [laughs] And the plot would have ended a lot more quickly, I think, than it does. But I think, again, this is where Barty is so masterful at planting the seed of a different narrative by saying, “Yeah, well, if you think I’m loco for hunting down Dark wizards, I ain’t got nothing on Barty Crouch.” And he makes it his business to do this kind of thing, so again, he’s deflecting Harry’s attention onto Snape as a suspect.

Andrew: And there’s a lot to like about Moody’s performance here, but he’s not perfect. He is temporarily distracted from what Harry is saying because he’s so fascinated by this map. Harry asks him for help and Moody says, “What? Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.” He’s really focused on… maybe he’s thinking, “Whoa, that was close. I could have just been exposed.”

Eric: Well, that’s it, is his months’ long – if not more, multiple years’ long – plan to enter Hogwarts undetected… he’s successfully doing this under the nose of Dumbledore, Snape, McGonagall, all the professors who are all adults. Nobody suspects a thing. Nobody suspects him. All of a sudden this map, he doesn’t know who made this map, where does it come from? Nobody could have predicted or planned for this map to be existing. All of a sudden Harry holds it out, and he’s like, “This said Bartemius Crouch.” It’s like, for all of his planning, I think Junior is humbled in this moment, because something exists that is 100% revealing his true self. And of course he confiscates it, but he also can’t stop looking at it. He holds it the whole rest of the chapter, and I think he’s stunned that something like this could exist. I swear, between Harry trying out all the taps and Junior holding the map, they both have their own “I love magic” moments in this chapter.

Laura: Yeah. Well, the other thing, too… I mean, him taking the map serves a double purpose, right? One, he does not want Harry to have this thing that will reveal his true identity, but it also allows him probably to keep an even closer eye on Harry. He can already do that pretty well because of the magical eye, but now he has this map, he can watch not only Harry, but literally everyone else who’s on the Hogwarts grounds, including Snape, including Karkaroff, the other champions, Dumbledore… this makes it really easy for him. And their interaction in this chapter between Fakey and Harry ends with Fakey complimenting Harry and saying, “Hey, you’re a pretty good detective. Have you ever thought of a career as an Auror?” And I wanted to ask if we thought that that recommendation was sincere from Barty Crouch, Jr.

Geoff: Nope.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: You don’t think so?

Geoff: Because by the end of this year, Harry is supposed to be dead. It doesn’t matter what he aspires to, so why bother making a sincere suggestion that he take on a career that he doesn’t think Harry will ever live to see?

Eric: I think that’s exactly why he does it, is because he knows it’s not going to matter. I think that Barty has a very tongue in cheek approach. Well, Barty has opinions on Aurors. He took the baddest Auror out and assumed a position as him; the baddest Auror that ever was, Mad-Eye Moody, was Play-Doh compared to Barty Crouch, so he’s feeling really good right now, living life. And he has no high opinion of Aurors, so when he says that Harry should be an Auror, it’s both tongue in cheek because he doesn’t think highly of Aurors, and two, “Oh, if we had met 20 years ago under different circumstances, you might have caught me.” I think that’s where this is coming from, as Junior saying, “You might have caught me, actually.”

Andrew: Right, thanks to your detective work with this amazing map. So I think, to quote Laura, two things can be true. He knows Harry is going to be dead, but also, his detective skills are actually pretty good. He’s an inquisitive guy, so why not tell him that as a little pat on the back? Like a “Good job, kid.”

Eric: Yeah, I think so too. I know that we’re on a staircase right now, but it works on many levels.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Ha, ha, ha.

Laura: I was going to say, this gets brought up enough; can we create a shirt – for eventually when we expand more merch – that just says, “Multiple truths exist”?

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Oh, that’s how you want it phrased? Not “Two things can be true”?

Laura: Well, that’s how I say it. [laughs]

Andrew: Oh, okay. We’ll add it to the list.

Laura: Do it.

Eric: She’s quoting himself right now.

Andrew: Merch ideas. “Multiple truths can exist.” Okay.

Geoff: Makes it sound a bit like an X-Files knockoff, but I like it.

Micah: Yeah, I was going to… [laughs]

Eric: “Multiple truths are out there.”

[Geoff and Laura laugh]

Micah: I just think Moody is caught up in the moment. It’s a great performance by a great actor, right? He’s performing throughout this entire book, and this is another one of those moments. And I think part of him probably is like, “Oh, well, how much can I really build up Harry here? I’m going to say he could be an Auror.”

Eric: Exactly. I think the higher he builds Harry up, the more satisfying it’s going to see Harry’s broken body and… a sick thing later.

Andrew: Keep your friends close.

Eric: So I think that he is genuine with his compliment here.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, I think we talked about this a little bit before, but I think he kind of gets off on the danger of this situation a little bit. He’s definitely having fun playing with it. He’s having fun being hidden in plain sight and doing things that would otherwise attract a ton of attention to him, so I think he’s actually enjoying it. It’s almost like he’s taunting all of these characters and saying, like, “Na-na-na-na-na, I’m smarter than you.” That’s really the vibe that I get from Barty Crouch, Jr., and it’s clever; I’ll give it to him.

Andrew: One of my favorite shows is Breaking Bad and you see this with Walter White as the series progresses.

Laura: Yes.

Andrew: He gets an ego on him and he starts taunting his brother-in-law, who’s the DEA officer! And he enjoys it!

Geoff: He regrets it.

Andrew: Well, by the end he regrets it, but in the moment, in these moments where he’s got an ego about him, he is really going for it, rolling the dice, and I think it’s because – just to bring it back to Harry Potter – Barty Crouch, Jr. believes he’s pulling this off really well, and that ego just builds.

Geoff: Okay, I’ll give you this. Later in the book when he thinks he’s about to wipe Harry out once and for all, he points out that he thinks Harry is stupid. So if anything, him saying Harry should become an Auror is just pointing out that Aurors are stupid, which I think kind of serves the point that Andrew was just making.

Eric: There you go.


Odds & Ends


Laura: Well, let’s get into some odds and ends. Micah, take us away.

Micah: Yeah, so I wanted to bring up this is the second straight book where Harry loses the Marauder’s Map to the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.

[Andrew laughs]

Geoff: Oooh.

Eric: Weird. If I had a nickel… I’d have two nickels.

Geoff: Not a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.

Eric: Exactly.

Laura: And it’s funny because can’t we argue that both times the professor took it to protect themselves in a way?

Eric: Oh, yep.

[Geoff and Laura laugh]

Geoff: I’d agree.

Micah: And Snape was there both times too.

Laura: Yep.

Eric: Oooh.

Micah: Lazy writing. I’m just kidding.

Laura: [laughs] It was rushed. It was rushed. What do you have, Geoff?

Geoff: I just… one of my favorite things about the world-building of this take on the wizarding world. It’s one of the reasons why this version of magic is so dear to me, is just the occasional reminders of just the whimsy and the nonsense that they not only have, but they endeavor to preserve. Because the bathroom that we just spent so much time in is across from a tapestry of someone called “Boris the Bewildered,” proving once again, the wizarding world is a place where they immortalize weirdos for things that are kind of explained, but not really.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Geoff: He’s got his gloves on the wrong hands, I think. There’s another tapestry that comes up in a different book where there’s a guy trying to train trolls for the ballet. There was somebody who thought they should make a cheese cauldron. These are the people who are the heroes of the wizarding world, the total just off-ball weirdos, but we draw the line at Arthur Weasley because he wants to know how airplanes fly. Sure, okay.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I mean, I agree with you, Geoff, but I would eat a cheese cauldron.


MVP of the Week


Laura: All right, well, let’s jump into MVP of the Week.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: I’m going to give mine to Moaning Myrtle for helping her crush Harry with uncovering the secret of the egg. Good job, girl. Even though you’re kind of creepy.

Eric: I’m going to give it to Cedric for being such a hard worker, not being distracted by the mermaid across the room trying to get his attention.

Micah: I’m going to give it to the trick step for teaching Harry not to be such a snoop.

Laura: I’m going to give it to Barty Crouch, Jr. – very important distinguisher there – for honestly being clever and playing everyone in this chapter, and in this book, like a fiddle.

Geoff: I’m going to give it to the engineer who designed the golden egg clue. Even if the riddle does imply something very terrible you should not do, traumatizing children, the mechanism of the golden egg clues is such a cool example of magical ingenuity.

Andrew: Well, if you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that you record on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. And of course, you can also go to MuggleCast.com, and you will find a contact form.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s Quizzitch question: Where specifically did Moaning Myrtle haunt Olive Hornby? And the correct answer was her brother’s wedding. Okay, and correct answers were submitted by Merlin’s Saggy Left Earlobe…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: … Assigned Hufflepuff at birth but I identify as Gryffindor; Buff Daddy; Casper the giant lover; Elizabeth K.; Hallow Wolf; LC; Liz the Muggle Mussel Whisperer; Muggle McGonagall; My Accio brings all the brooms to the yard; Olive Hornby’s confused Muggle therapists… love that one. Stan Shunpike’s dermatologist; The Hoggy Warty Hufflepuff; The really, really super long name that absolutely no one wants to read out loud because they’re afraid they might mess up and make a fool of themselves, and then 10 exclamation points; You’re a Quizzard, Harry; and The feather Ron destroyed with his pronunciation. And thank you to all who submitted the correct answers. Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: According to Hagrid, at what age does a unicorn become pure white? Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form on the MuggleCast website by going to MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or if you’re already on the MuggleCast website, click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: This show is brought to you by Muggles like you and Geoff; we don’t have corporate overlords who own the show, control the show, take over the show, could cancel us at any moment. We’re very proudly an independent podcast, but that does mean we need support from listeners like you. So you can support us by going into Apple Podcasts and subscribing to MuggleCast Gold; you’ll get ad-free MuggleCast, early access to MuggleCast, and two bonus MuggleCast installments every month, including one we’re going to be recording today. And then there’s also Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and you will get all of what I just mentioned, plus access to our livestreams, our planning docs, the chance to co-host the show one day like Geoff did today, a new physical gift every year, and a video message from one of the four of us. Geoff, thank you so much for joining us today. It was great having you on.

Geoff: Thank you. It was well worth 14 years of waiting to have this conversation.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Aww.

Geoff: Absolutely loved being here with you guys today.

Andrew: Well, thank you for listening for 14 years. That’s amazing. We really appreciate that you’ve been with us [imitating Dumbledore] after all this time.

Geoff: Always.

Andrew: Do you have a MuggleCast shirt, Geoff?

Geoff: I do have a MuggleCast shirt. I should have worn it.

Andrew: Well, that’s okay, because actually, Laura and I are both wearing our MuggleCast shirts today. Listeners, if you want to grab one and don’t have one, you can head to MuggleMillennial.etsy.com; we have shirts from our 15th anniversary that you can purchase right there. We’ve also got MuggleCast beanies and socks and collectors cars and signed album art, so check it all out at MuggleMillennial.etsy.com. That’s another way you can support us.

Micah: And Eric, Geoff, and I will be at LeakyCon 2024 from July 5-7 at the Oregon Convention Center in Portland, and they’re announcing guests left and right now, it seems like. I know on the last episode you mentioned that Team StarKid has been announced for LeakyCon this year, and I know many more will follow. And of course, as we pull together what our show is going to look like and when the other panels we’ll be doing, we will be sure to share it with you all. But if you head over to LeakyCon.com and use code “Muggle” when checking out, you’ll get a nice little discount, so be sure to do that. Let them know that we sent you.

Eric: Absolutely. Catherine Tate was announced today, for any Doctor Who fans out there. And Geoff, I wanted to ask about the Bookish Songs Collective. Could you give us a rundown real quick?

Geoff: Sure. So in addition to the five or six panels that I’m on, I also have the privilege of playing the fandom wrock show along with Brian Ross of Draco and the Malfoys, and the Bookish Songs Collective, which is a group of some incredibly talented young musicians. I believe they’re all female identifying; I may be wrong about that. But the music that they write is specifically based around literature. For example, Kendra Dantes is one of my absolute favorite folk musicians; she’s got a lot of songs based out of Leigh Bardugo’s Grishaverse, one of which was actually even included in an episode of Lucifer, so I’m hopeful – fingers crossed – that she will at some point in the weekend grace us with a performance of “Dirty Hands.”

Eric: That would be pretty cool.

Geoff: I would love it.

Andrew: If you enjoyed the show and think other Muggles would too, we would appreciate if you spread the word about MuggleCast. We’d also appreciate if you left us a review in your favorite podcast app. And last but not least, visit MuggleCast.com for transcripts – we’re adding new ones every week, including, of course, for the latest episodes – we also have our social media links there, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes to listen to in the “Must listens” page, and a lot more. Everything you could want is on MuggleCast.com. So that does it for this week’s episode. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Geoff: And I’m Geoff.

Andrew: Bye, everybody.

Laura: Bye, y’all.

Transcript #657

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #657, Does Goblet of Fire Feel Like a Rushed Book? And more MuggleMail


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the Wizarding World fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And we’ve got a Muggle Mail episode for everybody this week. We’re looking forward to reading and talking about all your feedback. It always warms my heart reading this feedback and hearing from the listeners.

Laura: Same.

Andrew: Like, [emotionally] “Oh man, people do listen to us.”

Laura: They like us! They really like us!

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: But first we must acknowledge that we are recording on the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts, so today we also pour one out for the many who fought for the greater good that day.

Micah: Cheers.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Moment of silence. Is Lavender Brown alive or dead?

Andrew: Still wondering.

Laura: Let’s have the annual debate.

Eric: I need to know if this is for her or not that we’re doing this.

Andrew: I have also seen some talk of this being called Harry Potter Day this year? I don’t remember this on May 2nds past.

Eric: November 1 should be Harry Potter Day because that’s the day McGonagall tells Dumbledore, “I could see this day being Harry Potter Day in the future.”

Andrew: Ohh.

Eric: The day everyone woke to find out that Voldemort had been defeated.

Andrew: I guess, but September 1 should just be… that should be Harry Potter Day. Back to Hogwarts Day.

Eric: It’s Back to Hogwarts Day.

Micah: Or his birthday. [laughs]

Andrew: Well, anyway, before we get into some voicemails, just wanted to remind everybody that if you want to support us but don’t want to commit to a subscription – and maybe you want to look as cool as I do in this MuggleCast 15th anniversary T-shirt – visit our Etsy store, where you can buy many cool MuggleCast items, like this shirt. We’ve got MuggleCast beanies, MuggleCast socks, signed album art, wooden cars, and some more items. By the way, not many of these shirts remaining; they’re primarily women’s cut shirts that we have still available, so snap them up. Check out MuggleMillennial.etsy.com and grab a shirt or anything else that we’ve got for you.


Muggle Mail: Voicemails


Andrew: Okay, so let’s get into Muggle Mail, and we’re going to start by turning the mic around to you, the listener, and we’ll start with this voicemail from Robert.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hey, MuggleCast, it’s Robert. I just wanted to share some thoughts I had about the whole house-elf situation; I know it’s a big topic for this book, and I wanted to share a headcanon that I have had for a little bit. Kind of eases my mind when reading the books and especially playing Hogwarts Legacy. So my thought on house-elves is many eons ago, however long ago you want to say in the past when house-elves first began to interact with wizard culture, my headcanon is that their need and love of serving and helping was just something that they offered out of the kindness of their hearts, because they genuinely like to help. The reason that modern day wizards have treated them essentially like slaves is because all of the Lucius Malfoys of the world throughout history greatly exploited that helping nature of the house-elves until it got to a point where they were basically enslaved. And unfortunately, because the modern day wizards are so far removed from the initial first interaction between house-elves and wizards, it’s become so normalized in their brain that house-elves are servants versus just liking to serve. So I just wanted to run that by you and just kind of ask, does this extra bit of headcanon help? Or am I just trying to make myself feel better about enjoying a book series about, kind of, slavery? Love the podcast, love everything that you do. Thank you for just being the best you you can be. Bye.”

[Voicemail ends]

Eric: So it’s their fault, Robert, is it?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: That they offered to humanity centuries ago, that just to help out with the washing, and all this… jokes aside, I can easily see this idea that they offered this to wizards, and wizards just immediately started taking it for granted, and that it boiled out of control to now where it’s like, “Wait a minute, you offered to help us 20 years ago, 40 years ago, 60 years ago. Don’t you still want to help us?” and then that kind of led its way through politeness and house-elf society, because they weren’t the kind of beings that would stand up for themselves, into what we see, which is full-fledged just expectations.

Andrew: You shouldn’t feel guilty for enjoying a series where the house-elves are involved because they have been slaves. This is just an element of the story. And yes, maybe they were offering the help many moons ago.

Eric: Well, modern day treatment of them is brought into question, is brought attention to and held up as, “Ooh, should we really be doing this?” within the narrative, so that’s what makes it okay to have that element of these books, is that it gets a thorough question mark, and we love…

Andrew: It’s a learning lesson for the reader.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I think we talk about this a lot on the show, but a lot of what we see in the wizarding world can just as easily be seen as a reflection of our own world being called into question. So I don’t think there’s a need to feel bad about enjoying the series, because it’s certainly not painting servitude as a good thing.

Micah: No. The one thing I do find, still to this day, somewhat surprising is that there wasn’t more advocating done by the house-elves themselves, that they weren’t more rebellious. And maybe it’s just we don’t have the time to be able to go into that in this particular story, but again, knowing the broader themes that are in Harry Potter, the fact that you don’t even really get that kind of resolution at the end of the story… there’s no broader freeing of the house-elves that we’re made aware of, until of course later when Hermione becomes Minister for Magic; that’s one of the things I believe we’re told that she worked extremely hard on. So I know you said what you said in jest, Eric, at the top in your response, but I do agree with Robert’s take that I think he’s just trying to make himself feel a little bit better about the situation. [laughs]

Eric: No, it’s absolutely admirable. And I think going just to the chapter that you guys discussed last week… expertly, by the way. I will say I loved that episode. It’s a really, really good one, and Liza did a great job. In that chapter, “Rita Skeeter’s Scoop,” Hermione specifically references that house-elves don’t stand up for themselves the way that other creatures like goblins do. That’s specifically called out because Ron jokes about her starting a goblin society something something, and she’s like, “No, they can actually handle themselves.” So house-elves again, through whatever means, for whatever reason, to Robert’s voicemail, they’re not pushing back in an organized manner the way that other races are, which is how things unfortunately have developed to where they are.

Andrew: All right, let’s hear this next voicemail from Judy about Triwizard Tournament judges.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hey, MuggleCast. This is Judy from Santa Monica about your recent show, ‘Accio Golden Egg.’ My boys do marching band, and they have judges that judge for different things, specifically the flag, the drums, how they’re marching, what the song is… so I agree there should have been a little bit more of a mixture. But I did love the podcast; well done. And poor puppy dog.”

[Voicemail ends]

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Rock dog.

Andrew: Still not happy about that. So I guess Judy’s point was there’s just a bunch of different judges to judge different aspects, and thus you could have found more judges? What was her point, exactly?

Eric: Yeah, that it could have been more… you could have had a judge do a specific category instead of an overall rating, which then would have, I think, made it fairer than what we got, which seemed to be like, “What’s this head of school’s personal opinion on each champion?”, have it be so biased. That said, if your boys are in marching band and the judges are grading on song choice, the band director actually chooses the song, so maybe you should actually consult with the PTA about what your boys are getting graded on, because I was in band – not marching band, but I was in band – I couldn’t choose what songs we played, so I would not have liked getting judged on it.

Micah: If I’m remembering correctly, what we talked about was, in fact, the validity of some of these judges, right? The fact that we shouldn’t really have the headmasters or headmistresses of the different schools sitting up there to judge students from their own respective schools. It should have been a little bit more fair, and one of the ways to do that, I think, that was brought up, was to do it based on criteria, right? I can’t remember who brought that up on that episode, or if it was you, Eric, or if it was somebody else, but it definitely got brought up.

Andrew: All right, next voicemail is from Karin about the prefects’ bathroom.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hi, MuggleCast. My name is Karin, and I just had a quick thought to share with you on the most recent couple of episodes about Goblet of Fire and this clue that Cedric gives to Harry about taking his egg into the prefects’ bathroom. And I was just wondering – it’s hard to know, because we never really find out – but what are the bathrooms in the regular dormitories like in Gryffindor common room or whatever common room? Do they have bathtubs that students can use, or do they only have showers? Because when I think back to my college days when I lived in a dormitory, there were only showers, and I think I would have been hard pressed to find something big enough to put the egg underwater in in the bathroom unless I brought a bucket or something and filled that with water. So I’m just wondering if the prefects’ bathroom is one of the only places in the school that actually has a bathtub and not just a shower? Maybe that clue from Cedric has more meaning than we might think that it does. Anyway, would love to hear what you think about this. I love the show so much and it gives me so much joy, and thank you so much for what you do.”

[Voicemail ends]

Andrew: Aww.

Laura: Thank you.

Andrew: First of all, no podcast has ever discussed the Cedric hint more than MuggleCast. [laughs]

Laura: I know, right?

Eric: It’s true.

Andrew: Because we’re now in the third week and we still have an email to talk about regarding this. [laughs] But this is a good point.

Micah: I do like the way that Karin positions this because it shows just a deeper level of caring on the part of Cedric, because – and I said this on the last episode – he is giving Harry access to the place in order to be able to listen to the egg. And as Karin says, perhaps there’s not all that many places in Hogwarts where Harry can go where he’s going to be alone and he’s going to have the ability to put the egg underwater. So this just strengthens that argument, in my opinion.

Andrew: It does, and it makes sense that the prefects’ bathroom would be more luxurious; it would have a tub where you could relax in. Whereas just thinking about my college dorm, it was just this awful stand-up shower that I probably still have diseases on my feet from.

Micah: Foot fungus. [laughs]

Laura: Well, did you wear shower shoes?

Andrew: Yeah, I think I did.

Laura: You think?!

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: I don’t know; this was back in 2007! I probably did. I probably did.

Micah: And I think Cedric is doing Harry an even bigger service because Harry never becomes prefect, so he’s never going to have another reason to go into the prefects’ bathroom.

Andrew: True.

Eric: The boy just wanted the other boy to have a nice bath. A nice, cleanly experience.

Micah: [laughs] Yep.

Andrew: You know, I went home every weekend as a college student to record MuggleCast. I never lived in my dorm.

Micah: I thought you were going to say to shower.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Once a week I’d go home to shower. [laughs] And I didn’t like my roommate much. Okay, so this next voicemail is from Quinn about Barty Crouch, Jr.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hey, MuggleCast, just want to say I’m having a ton of fun going through Goblet of Fire again. I think this is definitely becoming my favorite book only in the sense… and I know a constant message in your guys’s stuff is like, ‘Oh, this book was rushed,’ but I think the one big thing that is making it really fun to read again is seeing all the interactions of Barty Crouch, Jr., of Fakey as Moody, and seeing how he plays with that and then how much he’s becoming Moody/him underneath the persona, the mask, and how he influences Harry, and how he plays with the former Death Eaters at the school. And I think a super fun interaction on [page] 258 is when he sees him for the first time – I just got done reading Chapter 16 and listening to your guys’s episode on Chapter 16 – I think it’s really fun when Karkaroff sees Moody for the first time at Hogwarts, and it says there’s a terrible look of fury and fear that comes over him, and he goes, ‘You!’ And obviously it’s because he saw Moody, who was a powerful Auror and probably was a pain in his ass when everything was coming through when Karkaroff was accused of being a Death Eater, all that kind of stuff. But I can imagine the joy that Barty Crouch, Jr. also feels of seeing the fury and fear come over him, and I mean, especially the fear of have him seeing himself and then being Barty Crouch, Jr. and realizing just how upset he is at Karkaroff for defecting and seeing the fear of seeing him. I’m sure that gave him a little bit of joy underneath it all. That whole underlying bits of writing and tidbits to the Goblet of Fire through a secondary reading, I think that’s what’s making it super fun for me, and I think it’s turning it into my favorite book of the series.”

[Voicemail ends]

Andrew: Yeah, I think one of the benefits of doing this deep dive reread is that we do get to experience those moments together and pick up on the little things that we did miss the first time, the second time, but I think another element here is… I think, Micah, you said it’s been a really long time since you’ve read Goblet of Fire; I know that’s the same case for me as well. We’re discovering a lot of things that I think we may have completely forgotten.

Micah: Oh, absolutely. I don’t think I’ve read Goblet of Fire since 2010? Is that the last time that we did Chapter by Chapter?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Wow.

Micah: No, I’m being serious.

Andrew: No, no, I know. I think you’re right; whenever the last Chapter by Chapter reread was, that’s the last time I read it too.

Eric: The other element is that the mystery is big enough, and this book has twice the page count of previous books, but so much of the mystery is actually directly in conversation in front of Harry. Harry is witnessing it, but he’s distracted. It’s a new way of giving the clues, I think, than had previously been done before by the author. There are always hidden breadcrumbs in sentences here and there, like Bertha Jorkins missing, but then other times…

Micah: Or Crouch. Wasn’t there a reference to Crouch, like, “The first task was crouching forward”? Or something along those lines.

Andrew: Something like that.

Micah: We referenced in a previous episode.

Eric: Yeah, but I’m saying even in “Rita Skeeter’s Scoop” to be like, “Oh, Rita Skeeter is buzzing about,” that phrase and all of that, and then moments later, Rita Skeeter does come in. And it’s like, okay, it just… it’s all in your face, the mystery and… yeah.

Micah: It is. We actually have a really great email a little bit later on, which asks us about our favorite mysteries in Harry Potter, and I think this could easily be one of those. And the writing is so good; there are so many little detective stories for you to figure out within the Harry Potter series. And the fact that you can read Goblet of Fire through the lens of both Barty Crouch, Jr. and Mad-Eye Moody as the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, and it works on both levels, is really cool.

Laura: I’ll also say you have great taste, because Goblet of Fire is my favorite book.

Andrew: Yeah, I think we’re too hard on it sometimes by calling it rushed.

Laura: I agree.

Andrew: I don’t read it and get the feeling that it was rushed. I don’t. I know Rowling said that she was rushed, but I don’t think it comes off that way.

Eric: The movie does, but that’s another story.

Andrew: Yes, true.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: All right. Well, those are our voicemails. We have lots of emails to get to. If you want to call in, you can record a voice memo on your phone and send that to MuggleCast@gmail.com. Just keep your message about a minute long, please, and try to record in a quiet spot. We prefer you record using the Voice Memo app on your phone because it’s going to be higher quality than our phone number. If you want to use that, it’s 1-920-3-MUGGLE. 1-920-368-4453.


Muggle Mail: Emails


Andrew: Okay, time for some emails. This first one is from Liz on Cedric’s help with the second task. Oh no, we’re doing it again! Oh no, oh no. [laughs]

Micah: Just get it out of the way, Andrew. Come on.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: It’ll be gone for the rest of the episode once you do it.

Andrew: Woo! It’s a good topic. Don’t get me wrong.

Micah: Clearly. [laughs]

Andrew: It’s just that we’ve spent three weeks on it.

“Hey,” says Liz, “Here are my unsolicited thoughts on Cedric’s clue: I think Cedric’s clue was vague because 1) he wants to win the tournament, and 2) solving the riddle of the egg was part of the task. Harry told Cedric about the dragons because he doesn’t care about winning the tournament and because he has a savior complex, but the action of discovering the dragons wasn’t a part of the first task in the way that discovering the egg riddle is actually a portion of the second task. If Cedric just came out and told Harry how to discover the egg riddle, he would’ve been doing the work for Harry. Cedric’s a nice guy and is definitely sympathetic toward Harry, which is why he gives Harry a clue in the first place, but he entered the tournament to win it. That’s my two cents. Love y’all, Liz (your fellow Scorpio Slytherin).”

Micah: As Laura likes to say, multiple things can be true, and both what Karin said and what’s being said in this email by Liz, it makes sense.

Laura: Definitely.

Eric: Yeah, and let’s not forget Cedric Diggory is the Hufflepuff champion of Hogwarts. Hufflepuffs value hard work, so it fits with Cedric’s own value to give Harry… I mean, I think a trap of that is you think all people are like you, especially because the people he’s mostly around are probably also Hufflepuffs. It might be his second nature to give Harry a clue that has an extra component to it, because maybe he thinks Harry finds puzzles as satisfying as he does. Something like that.

Micah: And I think Liz brings up a really great point that we forget: Cedric probably wants to win this thing, and as much as he feels maybe a bit obligated to help Harry, at the end of the day, he wants to be the champion. That’s why he put his name in in the first place. This guy’s a competitor. Come on. No participation trophies.

Eric: Yeah. Well, it’s hard to imagine Harry going to the bathroom and coming out empty handed with the egg after Cedric’s clue, but I look forward to actually…

Laura: True.

Micah: Well, that’s why Moaning Myrtle is there, right?

Eric: Yeah, yeah, that’s true.

Micah: Well, that was the second task. We got a couple of emails on the first task. And actually, Eric, I’m going to ask you to read yours after I’m done reading mine, because they both have to do with the dragon being imported. And this first one is from Rufus, who says:

“Hiya, MuggleCast! I’m here to talk about the dragon selections for the first task. Now, y’all have seemed to assume that the Hungarian Horntail…”

I think it was only really me.

“… was the new dragon brought in because of a fourth competitor being involved. Now, I think this isn’t the case, because why in Merlin’s name would you bring in a dangerous dragon, which is inherently harder to take care of, as a spare or extra? I personally believe that one of the other dragons could have been brought in, most likely the Welsh Green as it would be closer to the host location than Sweden, China, or Hungary (the native locations of the other three dragons). It just makes more logical sense as a spare dragon, honestly. Love to hear your thoughts on this! Rufus the 14-year-old, a.k.a. ‘Voldemort Said ‘Its Horcruxing Time’ and started Horcruxing all over the place.'”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That’s a new way to get your Quizzitch names in, is to sign off as them.

[Micah laughs]

Laura: Man, identity revealed.

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Micah: But we also heard from Jerri on this.

Eric: Jerri, yes. So very similar topic.

“Ahoy, y’all! In response to the Chapter by Chapter about the first task, there was speculation about which dragon was the ‘extra’ added when Harry became the 4th champion. In the chapter ‘The Other Minister’ at the beginning of Half-Blood Prince, the Muggle Prime Minister remembers his previous encounters with Fudge, the Minister for Magic. In one of these, Fudge had popped in to mention that the wizards would be ‘importing three dragons and one sphinx’ for the Triwizard event, since the rules required notification of the Muggle Prime Minister before the importation of dangerous creatures/beasts. Therefore, I have always assumed that the Common Welsh Green was the extra dragon, since it is a British dragon and thus wouldn’t have needed to be ‘imported,’ already living in the most remote portion of the mountains of Wales.”

Eric: You guys, they solved it! Our listeners have solved this.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: We’ve got to do it. We’ve got to declare canon. I think this has been cracked.

[“I declare canon!” sound effect plays with thunder]

Laura: It’s been a long time since we got to use that.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: It’s almost a re-declaration of canon because Jerri found it right in Half-Blood Prince. If only we had been in Book 6.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Well, and again, this idea of tracking the countries that they came from; it definitely… Rufus also right on the ball with that. That’s just really cool.

Micah: Yeah, Rufus lobbed it up and Jerri just hit it right out of the park.

Andrew: Teamwork. Dream work.

Laura: Please never say that again.

Andrew: Why?

Eric: Teamwork, dream work?

Laura: Teamwork, dream work.

Micah: [laughs] It’s such corporate lingo.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Yeah, Micah knows what I’m talking about. [laughs]

Andrew: And sorry to the Welsh Green for being called the spare today. We still love you all the same.

Eric: Aww.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: “Kill the spare.” That’s coming later.

Andrew: “Kill the green spare.”

Eric: Yeah, now the question is why at all is the Hungarian Horntail the third dragon that they bring in? [laughs] It’s so much more overpowered. All of our questions about how absurd that is stand.

Laura: So this is from Bev about poor Winky. Bev says,

“Hi, y’all. Just listened to the latest episode and a thought occurred to me. Given Winky’s reaction in the chapter, I wondered if she has PTSD? You suggested that she had everything taken away from her when Barty Crouch sacked her. For her, that could have felt like abuse. I’m guessing elves feel things pretty intensely (see also her reaction to butterbeer), so the shock and trauma of no longer having what to her would have been a wholly respectable job and the trauma of what all her elf relatives would say must have been awful.”

I think that’s well said.

Andrew: I think so too.

Micah: Definitely. Yeah, we talked about that when we saw her in the kitchens, how just completely distraught she is. And that has so much to do with her relationship to Barty Crouch, Sr. and that family, and she’s kind of going through the motions, unfortunately, and I think it is a form of PTSD.

Eric: Yeah, and she can’t even properly grieve because there’s still things that she can’t reveal that happened. She’s still honor bound to not talk about Barty Crouch, Jr. even existing, and so I think what’s really making the trauma worse is her inability to really call it out and process it because right now it’s still being suppressed and ignored.

Andrew: And I think most people can relate to being evicted from your home. She spent all this time living there, and then to be kicked out, that alone is tough to move on from. And then there’s just the other issue of the family, no longer being with the family. It’s a lot.

Eric: I was going to say, I’m hoping most of us can’t relate to being evicted from our homes, but I totally understand.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Sorry, I have not been evicted; I misspoke. I was trying to say that most people can relate to that moment when you leave your home after growing up there, after spending so much time there.

Laura: I think certainly everyone can relate to how we would feel if we found ourselves in that circumstance. And I mean, God, I’ve definitely been at points in my life where my income was a little more scarce and I was kind of operating month to month, sometimes week to week, and having that question in your mind about like, “Am I going to be able to afford rent this month?” is scary enough. So I think in that regard, I can understand what Bev is saying and what Andrew is saying.

Micah: And the sheer shame that she has to feel, not just from her own relatives, as Bev mentions, but from the larger house-elf community, I think she feels judged. You have Dobby who seemingly could care less what anybody thinks of him, and at the other end of the spectrum you have Winky, who just… it’s a lot for her right now.

Andrew: Yeah. Well, you know what else sucks at Hogwarts? No Quidditch.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: And Ty wrote in about that…

Micah: Dumbledore? I’m sorry.

Andrew: No. Ty said,

“Hello, MuggleCast. Every time I read the Goblet of Fire, I have the same thought that if I was a student at Hogwarts this year, I would be pretty disappointed that Quidditch was canceled. What about all those students that missed out on playing, especially if it was their last year there? The tournament was so spread out that it seemed silly to cancel. I can see that the first challenge would have been exciting to watch, but the other two would have been such a bore. You see the champions enter the water and an hour later they emerge, and the same with the maze. It would have been such a let down to be a spectator. It’s not like they had a Jumbotron to see the action in the water or maze. This was not a year to be a sports fan at Hogwarts!”

I agree with that, Ty.

Micah: Tell it like it is, Ty.

Laura: Agreed.

Andrew: Well, and he mentioned that the space between the challenges… it’s what, four months between challenge one and two? It’s a ton of time. That’s probably a whole season of Quidditch.

Micah: Unfortunately, I think we know the real reason why it wasn’t included; it just would have been too much.

Eric: The author hates it.

Andrew: And this book was rushed. I hate that about this book.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: If it wasn’t rushed, she would have remembered Quidditch.

Eric: I love the idea that the Triwizard Tournament, though, as is pointed out, is spread out across the entire year, so there’s really no excuse. That’s hilarious. Unless they’re growing the maze.

Andrew: Ohh.

Laura: I think they are.

Micah: And these are actually really great points. They are, you’re right.

Eric: Well, if they’re growing… yeah, but then again, Quidditch can be played above the hedge maze. Harry is not going to be up there on his broom memorizing which way to turn in the maze down below. Or if he is, at least Cedric could too.

Andrew: If you fell off your broom on the Quidditch pitch, the maze plants would catch you.

Eric: Yeah, and they would not let go.

Micah: I really, though, like the points that were brought up about the fact that the second and third tasks really have no… you can’t really have visibility into what’s going on like you could with the first task, and how boring that must be for anybody who is just hanging around, trying to get excited.

Laura: I mean, they have the Hogwarts band, at least in the movie lore. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, true. I guess the excitement just stems from seeing who’s going to pop out first. The anticipation around that is worth it, if I’m really looking for an answer.

Micah: The next email comes from Mary, who wants to talk about Ron’s behavior, and she says,

“Ahoy, y’all. I’m here to partly defend 14-year-old Ron Weasley. I think as an adult rereading the books, you become more separated from the teen feelings and hormones. Ron is an insecure boy going through puberty, and yes, he does mess up, but I wonder if he even recognizes if he likes Hermione at this point in the series? He just realized she is a girl! Does he know these feelings he’s feeling are jealousy? Plus, even if he does realize that, it must be incredibly confusing on so many levels. To tell her and her not return the feelings? Which, with his insecurity I’m sure he would assume that. Or to give it a try and it not work out and the trio be forever changed? I don’t know any 14-year-old who would handle this gracefully. Love ya, bye.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Agree.

Andrew: Yeah, this is all very well said.

Laura: Yeah. I mean, we especially see that Ron does have that insecurity in Book 7 when we get to see his greatest fears, and one of them is that Hermione would choose Harry over him. So that might have been manifesting as early as this book, and he might not have been fully conscious of it.

Eric: Yeah, and I do agree that as rotten as Ron’s actions are in this book, he is more responsible for his actions in Book 7 when he’s a lot older. Our next message comes from Jeremy about fourth year lessons at Hogwarts:

“G’day, MuggleCast! My name is Jeremy and I’m 13 years old.”

A lot of young’uns on this one, Micah.

“I’ve just had a question about Goblet of Fire. Do the Durmstrang and Beauxbatons do lessons with the Hogwarts students, and if they do, could they have different learning styles? Because Draco says they heavily work on the Dark Arts at Durmstrang. Did Dumbledore bring Mad-Eye Moody in for this reason as well? And if they don’t do lessons, then the Hogwarts professors could help Harry and Cedric with the tasks. Love to hear what you say. Love the show, Jeremy.”

Interesting question.

Andrew: So I don’t think they do go through classes at Hogwarts, right?

Laura: No, I don’t think so.

Andrew: We know that they stay in their respective quarters outside of the castle, which I found strange too. These poor kids have to spend their time at Hogwarts back in the Durmstrang ship, or the Beauxbatons carriages?

Eric: Yeah, except for mealtimes. Yeah, only coming out at mealtimes.

Andrew: And what are they doing the rest of the time?

Eric: Maybe they’re getting direct tutelage from the heads of school. But even then, I think the reason that this is less of a problem than it could be is that isn’t Hogwarts’s seventh year sort of seen as optional? So by that logic, these are all 17-year-olds that are competing; it’s only 20 of them, so the majority of the student body is doing normal lessons and then these representatives have elected to kind of have one of those gap year or a year abroad that’s not going to be as informative educationally, but be informative culturally.

Laura: That’s kind of what I was wondering. I agree with that, Eric.

Micah: You also don’t know what classes they take back at their respective schools that may have nothing to do with what Hogwarts teaches its students. I mean, presumably there’s some level of overlap, but there are probably other courses that Durmstrang and Beauxbatons take that Hogwarts doesn’t.

Andrew: And by this logic, they might not even have seven years at their respective schools.

Micah: That’s true too.

Andrew: It could be five. It could be eight.

Laura: Folks in the Discord are wondering if Durmstrang and Beauxbatons students would take NEWTs, or if NEWTs are a UK/Hogwarts only thing.

Eric: Ohh.

Laura: I don’t know if stuff like that would be international. You know what I mean? Graduation exams, that kind of seems like it would be… they of course obviously have their own, and I wonder if Fleur, for her if this is her graduation exam; she doesn’t have to take one.

Micah: Win the damn tournament.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Laura: And then she doesn’t and they’re like, “Sorry, you have to repeat the year.” But yeah, I would imagine that each school would have their own.

Andrew: Their own version of it, like America has the SATs.

Eric: Right, they take the ACT over at Beauxbatons, the [in a French accent] Academique Certification Training.

Micah: And just the part about bringing in Mad-Eye Moody, I think it just has more to do with the fact that you have somebody like Karkaroff who’s going to be at Hogwarts, and the fact that they need somebody to fill the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor role.

Eric: Yeah, but I do like that train of thought of you get an edgier DADA teacher than it turns out you’ll ever have for a year where we’re intermixing with some hardcore students.

Laura: Moving on to our next email, this one is from Pamela on Goblet of Fire‘s giant plot hole. Uh-oh. I’m about to be put to the test here since I just said Goblet of Fire is my favorite book. Pamela says,

“Ahoy, y’all! As much as I love Goblet of Fire, I always have trouble with its gigantic plot hole. The entire book is an extremely elaborate lead up to just getting Harry to grasp a Portkey. Impersonation and abduction of an Auror, setting Harry up to win, but making it look natural, all this going on for months under Dumbledore’s nose is so much more risky than having a person just hand Harry the disguised Portkey in his first week of school. It all just seems poorly thought out. Am I missing something here?”

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Well, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the book was rushed.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: It’s about the journey, Pamela, not about the destination. Think about the friends we made and lost along the way. Think of the stories within.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I mean, it’s a fair observation, I guess. One thing you could argue is that Voldemort needed the timing to be right; we know that he had to be strengthened to a point where he could actually receive Harry’s blood, and they had to at some point go dig his dad up to get one of those bones, so it took them a while. And I think part of it, too, was needing to get Harry away from the school and away from Dumbledore long enough to carry out the mission without necessarily arising suspicion, and I think the maze is the perfect way to do that because if nobody is seeing Harry, they’re just assuming he’s in the maze and it’s taking him a long time to get through.

Eric: Oh, wow. So the glaring flaw of “Audiences can’t see the champions compete…”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: … is utilized, is so widely known that that’s what the bad guy plans for.

Micah: Yeah, it’s amazing.

Eric: Literally there’s going to be this two-hour section where no one’s going to be able to see Harry Potter, even who are looking for him, so this is a perfect time.

Micah: Yeah. And Laura, you made me recall also that Voldemort needed his milk. I would also just add that I think what was important too was that Voldemort be able to have somebody like Barty Crouch, Jr. at Hogwarts to get a better picture of the overall landscape and to maybe even do some detective work himself to figure out who is loyal, who is not loyal, right? You have Snape at Hogwarts, you have Karkaroff at Hogwarts, and there’s probably some other players that he wants information on. And you’re talking about somebody in disguise who has direct access to Dumbledore; I mean, what better informant could you have in this situation than Barty Crouch, Jr.? So I think it works on multiple levels. So yeah, the book could have been over in half a page if we just gave Harry the Portkey, but… sorry.

Andrew: [laughs] And we’d have way less Chapter by Chapter episodes to do for this book as well.

Micah: That’s true too.

Eric: It’d be a true loss. I love sort of reverse engineering book plots, in any book…

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: … and just seeing if it were… especially mysteries, seeing if it really holds up, and this one less so than others.

Micah: Like if Snape just revealed his Half-Blood Prince tattoo on page 1.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Next email is from Jessica on [imitating Voldemort] splitting the soul:

“Hey guys, super long time fan! I feel like I’ve grown up with you guys, even though I’ve never met you.”

Aw.

“I was addicted to MuggleNet as a teenager (I’m now 35) and now I absolutely love your podcast! I had some thoughts based on your discussion about Horcruxes and murder ripping your soul.”

[laughs] Murder ripping your soul, okay.

“I do not think your soul is split every single time you murder. When Snape and Dumbledore are discussing who will kill him, Dumbledore tells Snape that only he can decide if helping an old man will harm his soul. This leads me to believe that the intention behind a murder is what splits the soul. Also, the spell says it has to be a supreme act of evil. I don’t think all murder should be considered a ‘supreme’ act of evil. Not that murder is ever good, obviously, but I think there are different levels. For example, plotting to kill an innocent baby, versus a blackout crime of passion or an accident due to neglect or self-defense. I think one is significantly more evil than the others. Just food for thought. You guys are amazing and I hope you realize how much joy you bring to people’s lives. Thanks, Jessica.”

Well, thank you, Jessica. That’s really sweet.

Eric: Aw. Yeah, I do think there’s a difference between killing and murder, and one splits the soul and one doesn’t necessarily, but I think it’s risky in how it’s presented, because you’re talking about human killing human, and we don’t know what that effect is on lesser sentient beings, but presumably… yeah, so I think there would be fluctuations and stuff. But I will say, Voldemort still would be the record holder on how many times his soul was split, even if it’s not every time he kills.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Micah: As far as we know, yeah. I think this was possibly a Muggle Mail in response to our last Goblet of Fire Muggle Mail episode…

Eric: Oh, nice.

Micah: … but was also a response to our discussion around Mad-Eye Moody and him teaching the Unforgivable Curses to the students, and whether or not him killing that spider is actually a act of evil or if it in any way impacts his soul.

Laura: Justin in our Discord wants to know, “What about the Order killing Death Eaters?”

Andrew: Well, I think the intention there is good. It’s in a way self-defense.

Eric: Yeah, but I do think some of their souls will be maimed from it, because even if it’s pure, there can’t be an impartial judge to judge that. It has to be a…

Micah: Do we…? I mean, I’m assuming it’s happened, but do we ever get an example where a member of the Order or an Auror kills a Death Eater?

Eric and Laura: Molly.

Micah: Oh, yeah.

Eric: And I think that even in defense, I think that would split or cause a crack in her soul’s foundation.

Andrew: I guess that could be an interesting thing to explore in the TV series, the impact that killing somebody, conducting an Unforgivable Curse, the impact that would have on you if you’re a good person, on the good side.

Eric: Yeah. And I think it’s worth noting, too, that so many people on earth could walk around with these fractured or split souls and just never really notice it; it’s when you’re going to create a Horcrux that you’re harnessing essentially one of those fragments that it makes a difference at all. I’m sure plenty of people with split souls, fractured souls – whatever, for whatever reason – don’t know it, or will never notice any difference in how they live their life. But when you’re somebody like Voldemort, you very much are counting on it, and exploiting how unnatural you’ve been.

Micah: It makes me wonder – and I don’t know if we’ve ever asked this question on the show – could Harry have created a Horcrux when killing Voldemort? Or is that more self-defense?

Eric: That boy can’t even do a Cruciatus Curse.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: That’s true.

Micah: Yeah, he killed him with Expelliarmus, so I guess that really doesn’t count. [laughs] All right, well, our next couple of emails are somewhat non-Goblet of Fire-related, but still good nonetheless, and the next one comes from Kayce talking about the depiction of female characters, and she says,

“Hey, y’all! I just finished listening to the latest Girls Takeover episode, and while the Chapter by Chapter episodes are what brought me to MuggleCast last year and made me fall in love with the podcast, I have to say that the type of discussion the Girls Takeover episodes bring to the show are so impactful and great to listen to. One thing I thought of while listening that might shed some light on how the female characters are written in the Harry Potter series is the choice the author makes to write under the name of J.K. Rowling instead of Joanne Kathleen Rowling. I know I’ve read in the past that this choice was made and encouraged by her publishers to make it less obvious that the author was a woman; at the time, the fantasy genre was so male-dominated that they felt the books would sell better if people didn’t immediately know the author was female. Rowling also chose a male name in Robert Galbraith as her pen name for writing some of her non-Harry Potter-related books. I think it says a lot that she continues to use male-leaning names in what seems to be an effort to give her writing more clout, and when looking at the books, I think that feeling that men are more capable can be seen in the way many of the characters are written. Would love to hear your thoughts, Kayce.”

Laura: Thank you so much for your kind words about the Girls Takeover episodes, by the way. We’ve really loved doing them, and we’re planning to do more of them. Actually, the next one we do, we’re hoping to do a Girls Takeover Chapter by Chapter episode, so we’ll get to take a crack at going through a chapter. But yeah, I think you definitely raise a really relevant example just with the author’s pen name. I remember – and we talked about this a little bit on the girls ep, so I won’t go into it too much – but I remember as a girl reading these books, assuming that the author was male, and also assuming that only boys were into Harry Potter. I felt really weird because I didn’t see other girls my age who were super into Harry Potter; it only seemed like it was boys, and you look at the fandom now and it’s not that at all, especially people who are as rabid about the wizarding world as we are. You get into a lot of these spaces and they’re mostly women and gender nonbinary people and so on, so it’s just funny the way that our perception at the outset was one thing, and the reality has turned out to be something quite different. And yeah, I mean, we go into it a lot on the Girls Takeover eps, but there are a lot of ways in which the depictions of female characters in Harry Potter leave something to be desired. On the other hand, though, I think there are some really positive and powerful representations, too, but you could read some self-loathing into the way that…

Eric: Or internal misogyny too?

Laura: Yeah, into the way that women are written in these books. Absolutely. But it’s unfortunately common to internalize misogyny in that way; this author wouldn’t be the first to have done it, that’s for sure.

Micah: And it’s important to remember when the series was first written – and Kayce references it – but yeah, J.K. Rowling was told by her publishers to use her first two initials so that her name would be essentially… I don’t know what the right word is, but…

Andrew: It wouldn’t be a woman’s name.

Micah: Well, yeah, I mean…

Eric: In case of bias people would give it?

Micah: Yeah, the publishers wanted it such that the book would also appeal to boys, and the feeling was that if it was a woman’s name on the cover of the book, that the likelihood that the story would appeal to young boys to be interested in picking up the book would be less.

Andrew: And isn’t that interesting when it’s called Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone?

Micah: Right. [laughs]

Eric: Yep. The other thing about this, thinking about when it was written, is there was no Internet and nobody like J.K. Rowling had been that much of a high prolific author the way that she became quickly. So as soon as people knew J.K. Rowling through Harry Potter, it became… this was the woman that was on food stamps and on welfare that became the single mom; you couldn’t escape the fact that J.K. Rowling was actually a woman a few years later because of the Internet. But it’s funny because it started out as this secret, or “Let’s not tell everybody,” but that’s one of the best things that she’s known for, even under J.K. Rowling just a few books later.

Micah: And one of the things that I find to be most fascinating is the fact that she chose to write under the pen name Robert Galbraith when doing some other series. And there’s a whole lot to dive into there – we won’t do it here – but I just feel like the fact that she almost went back to the way that… she could’ve course corrected; she could have written under a female pen name. She chose not to do that. I don’t even know why she would feel the need to write under a pen name. But anyway, this is a conversation for another time.

Andrew: [laughs] Well, that… you’re talking about Robert Galbraith?

Micah: Yeah.

Andrew: Well, that I understand, because she wanted to have the experience of publishing a book without the attention of being the J.K. Rowling, because even just think about how big a deal… now, this was her first post-Potter novel, but it was a big deal when she published The Casual Vacancy, because it was that first one and there was a lot of extra attention on her. So I get that. I mean, for all we know, there could be another book out there that’s been published, and she secretly wrote it, but it just hasn’t leaked like Cormoran Strike did.

Micah: It could have also been The Casual Vacancy hit so hard with some people that she was like, “Oh, boy.” [laughs]

Eric: She could never write under that name in this town again!

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: All right, well, we have some more emails to wrap up today’s episode, but first we’re going to take one more break. We’ll be right back.

[Ad break]

Micah: Eric, this next one was made for you.

Eric: I think you’re right, Micah. This one comes from Kinsey on Sirius Black’s family reaction to his imprisonment:

“Ahoy, humans! I’m a Slytherin, by the way. I was just wondering about something. When or if the Black family heard of Sirius being sent to Azkaban, how do you think they would have reacted? They know Sirius would not actually have been truly loyal to Voldemort, so were they proud, or like, ‘Well, that’s karma for ya!'”

[Andrew laughs]

“Love to hear your thoughts about that. I love this show because it helps make homework and chores actually possible.”

Eric: Thanks, Kinsey. You know, what’s funny about thinking about Sirius Black’s family at the time he went to Azkaban is that Bellatrix, his cousin, his first cousin, was more than likely on the same prison transport bus with him…

[Micah laughs]

Eric: … because she was arrested for the Frank and Alice Longbottom tortures that happened the same night that the Potters were killed, so… I don’t think Sirius had any family members that were alive; his brother Regulus had been killed by Voldemort probably months before, and it’s unknown about his parents. But it’s a fascinating thought. Narcissa definitely was still around and was free, and it’s interesting to think what she would think about Sirius Black, but the Dark Lord kept all his cards pretty close to his vest, only telling certain Death Eaters about certain things, so maybe she did assume as everyone else did that Sirius Black really was guilty.

Micah: That’s so interesting. I could literally see Mrs. Black – if she were still around, to your point, Eric – just if she was ever interviewed by reporters being like, “Pfft, they definitely have the wrong guy.”

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: All right, our next email comes from Jessie, and this is going to demand a little bit of creativity on our part, so I hope y’all are ready.

Eric: Uh-oh.

Laura: Jessie is writing about wizarding world careers. Jessie says,

“Ahoy, y’all! I’ve been wanting to write about this for a while, but recently catching up Chapter by Chapter and hearing a conversation about jobs in the wizarding world made me take the leap. I want to know, if you could have any job in the wizarding world, what would it be? Since we only know of like, five of them that exist, let’s assume you get to/have to make one up. Mine would be a Muggle Liaison for Hogwarts. Job duties would include:

– Be a point of contact between Muggle families and Hogwarts for things like getting to and from school when term starts and ends, communicating to their students without magic, and answering questions.

– Running a seminar for first year Muggle-born students to help them acclimate to Hogwarts and the wizarding world (since not everyone gets Hagrid as a tour guide).

– Help sixth and seventh year students who want to work in or in tandem with the Muggle world. Help them learn Muggle money, find a place to live, use public transportation, use Muggle communication devices, etc.”

Laura: I think Arthur Weasley could use this kind of tutoring, it sounds like.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

“- Overall, be a resource where students can come learn, hang out, or ask questions outside of their Muggle Studies classes. I picture my office having bean bags, a TV with Netflix, and some Oreos for kids to come hang out when they need a little taste of home.

What would your wizarding world job be? I’m dying to know. Thank you for continuing this amazing show. I was afraid Chapter by Chapter wouldn’t be for me because I really struggle to find time to actually read lately, but this makes me feel like I can still relive all the books again and make good use of my 20 or so hours per week in the car. Peace and love.”

Andrew: Wow.

Micah: Peace and love.

Andrew: Well, we’re happy to help you pass the time. And I think with Chapter by Chapter, you don’t have to read the chapters while listening to MuggleCast because I feel like we give enough context in these Chapter by Chapter discussions, but if you want to, that’s great. It certainly can add a lot, I’m sure. Okay, so I have a job that I would like.

Micah: Oh, good for you.

Andrew: Yes. Now, it is one that we already know about. [laughs] “Good for you.” I would like to be a bartender at the Hog’s Head.

Eric: Oh, that’s so good!

Andrew: I know it can be a lot of work to bartend, but just imagine the types of people you would see coming into the bar, looking to blow off some steam after their long day of traveling, and they’re recalling the bizarre, fantastic beasts that they encountered or the wizards that they tussled with. I think you’d hear a lot of great stories and meet a lot of interesting characters. Plus, you’d get to come up with fun drink ideas for the bar’s menu. You just think there’s got to be endless possibilities, especially what if you started putting magic into the drink somehow?

Eric: I’ve got to say, Aberforth would probably be a bad boss, though. You’d probably have to start out doing the work nobody else wants, like goat herder.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: And you’d eventually have to get to bartending.

Andrew: Herding them into Aberforth’s bedroom, which would raise some questions.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Every time they break out, you have to go round them up.

Micah: Oh, wow.

Andrew: But yeah, I think it’d be a lot of fun doing trivia nights at the bar, karaoke nights…

Eric: Okay, all of that sounds amazing.

Micah: Ooh, karaoke? Yeah.

Eric: I would be your worst patron. I would come and say hello every day; I’d be like, “How’s it going?” [laughs]

Andrew: “Oh, Eric wants the usual. He wants the double Firewhisky.”

Micah: I would actually like to be a brewmaster…

Andrew: Ohh.

Micah: … and make wizarding world beer and go around and deliver it to… well, first stop, Andrew, your pub, of course. What are you going to call your pub, by the way?

Andrew: Well, I said I’d work at the Hog’s Head, but hold on. Let me consult ChatGPT for some ideas.

Micah: Okay.

Laura: [laughs] Oh my God.

Micah: But I just think it would be cool to travel to all these different wizarding world locations and see pubs in all different countries and cities. Maybe not countries, but cities. Although, I could do countries; I could Apparate or find a way to get the beer to come along with me.

Andrew: Well, Micah, I heard – and by heard, I mean I saw on our shared Google calendar – that you’re going to be going to Scotland in a few weeks, so maybe you can start your research at that time.

Micah: Oh, maybe. Yeah.

Laura: It’s very exciting.

Micah: Do you want me to find a place for you?

Andrew: Yes, please find me a nice meadow to build in.

Micah: And some goats?

Andrew: [laughs] Some goats.

Eric: They all have fun creature names like the Prancing Pony or Gilded Dragon.

Andrew: These Chat GPT suggestions aren’t the best. The Phoenix Feather Pub, Hogsmeade Hideaway, the Wandering Wand Inn. I actually like that one.

Laura and Micah: Oooh.

Micah: Where does the wand wander?

Andrew: [laughs] The Whomping Willow Wine Bar. ChatGPT just loves alliteration.

Eric: I think I have a new friend in ChatGPT.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Just don’t ask it to write your college admissions essays.

Andrew: Yes.

Laura: The colleges are onto y’all. Don’t do it. [laughs]

Eric: Similarly to, I guess, Micah’s being sort of independently employed or the head of something, I do think one of my favorite wizarding world careers that we know about is a proprietor of a shop, say like Diagon Alley, and I am about to admit something very Slytherin to you all for the first time – it’s kind of a big deal – I actually like how Borgin and Burke operates.

Andrew: Whoa.

Eric: I don’t enjoy the subject matter and peripheral details about what they sell, but I love the idea of wizarding world artifacts, essentially employing somebody like Tom Riddle, who’s a basically Indiana Jones archaeologist, goes out, gets these things, and they all have a magical history, and then to bring them into the shop and be able to curate what’s on display. There might be more stuff in the back. So what I’m saying is I would run a Borgin and Burke shop without the Dark stuff, without the artifacts, if we can help it, that are stolen from other cultures, but just have a shop where it’s curiosities that have a non-sinister but robust magical backstory and the curiosities cabinets… cabinet of curiosities? Wait, that’s from something else. That would be what I would do.

Micah: That was Guillermo del Toro, wasn’t it?

Eric: I think it was. I didn’t watch it.

Laura: Yeah, it was. You should; Rupert Grint is in it. He was very good.

Eric: Hey!

Micah: Oh, yeah, that’s right.

Eric: I’m behind on my Rupert watching. I haven’t watched the Shyamalan film yet. Laura, what would you do?

Laura: I would want to be some kind of interpreter for the Ministry, and the way that I would imagine that working is that I could be an interpreter for either magical folk who are new to the country or for magical creatures who have fallen upon hard times and need some kind of representation because they don’t speak the language. I’m super nerdy and into all things linguistics, so just from a pure interest point of view, I would love to be able to spend my time dusting up my proficiency in a number of different languages so that I could help people. But also, I would probably end up interpreting in some trials, and y’all know that I love true crime, so I feel like I would get to marry three of the things that I love the most – which is the wizarding world, languages, and true crime – all in the same space. It would be perfect.

Eric: Man.

Andrew: Perfect, yeah. And we have another question from a listener: This is from Daniel on your favorite Harry Potter mystery.

“Ahoy, y’all!”

And by the way, I have just while we’ve been recording today removed the “Ahoy, y’all” line from the contact form. It was fun.

[Micah laughs]

Laura: Oh, why?

Eric: It was time. It was time for something else.

Andrew: It was time. We’ll figure out something else.

Micah: We need a new one.

Laura: Yeah, we’ll get a new one.

Andrew: [continues reading]

“I love hearing the Slug Club patrons, especially the recent one with the girl who does a book club.”

That would be Liza.

“I was in one once and we read Where the Crawdads Sing. It was a fun mystery, which brings me to my questions. What is your favorite mystery plot line in Harry Potter? Did you solve it, and if so, what clues led you to it? Reading back it feels so obvious on some, but they do have some red herrings to distract us.”

So they’re talking about mysteries in the book that were then solved by the end of the book. I really liked the Chamber of Secrets one, because the fact that this snake was under the school and quietly Petrifying students was terrifying! It was just this lingering onsite threat. Now, did I figure it out? I have no clue.

Eric: Oh, none of the mysteries that I even pondered, I was like… no, I didn’t solve any of them before it was revealed in the book, but I still have my favorites. And specifically to that one, Andrew, the way in which the students were Petrified and not killed hid the identity of the beast that was doing; it was like, “So-and-so saw it through Nearly Headless Nick, so-and-so had his mirror…” that kind of thing. That’s what I love the most about that, is it’s so detailed and so methodical and happenstance that it was really fun. Yeah, for me, just the mystery of Sirius Black, what really happened and how he’s getting into the castle kind of just has… there’s a lot of mysteries that get wrapped up in Book 3, so I’m just going to say all of them, but essentially surrounding Sirius. Big surprise.

Micah: For me, with Prisoner of Azkaban being my favorite book, it was definitely the Marauders reveal, and just the way that that was all… slowly you receive breadcrumbs, even as early as Sorcerer’s Stone with Sirius and the motorbike and the introduction of Scabbers and the fact that he was this rat that’s just been there the whole time, and all of a sudden at the end of Prisoner of Azkaban, you get this huge reveal.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, obviously with Goblet of Fire being my favorite book, a lot of my favorites come from this book. I love how everything was hidden in plain sight, but because there was so much going on and there were so many red herrings, it was really hard to figure out, and honestly, when I was reading it, it kept me guessing until the last moment. Although I do want to give a special nod to the identity of the Half-Blood Prince; I really, really enjoyed that one. I think it was another instance of the answer being hidden in plain sight, but because Snape has been a fixture of these books – and Harry is so predisposed to never assume that Snape would be capable of doing anything smart or clever – as readers, it would have been difficult, I think, to pick up on the hints that happened throughout the book, and there were several of them. But I just thought that that one was really well done too.

Micah: Yeah, it definitely was. The one thing I will say, though, is much like the Marauders, the movies did that whole thing dirty because they never explained why Snape was the Half-Blood Prince. What’s the connection?


Muggle Mail: Social media


Andrew: All right, now we have a lightning round of sorts, social media Muggle Mail responses. We asked listeners on social media to chime in about the show or any questions they might have. This first one is from Jenna Levine.

“Hey, y’all! First of all, you guys are awesome. I have been a Harry Potter fan since I was a kid, and my love for the story only grew as I got older. I wanted to give my take on Hermione and house-elves. I’m assuming that up until she went to Hogwarts, she went to primary school. I have no knowledge of British education, but I think it’s safe to assume that she learned a little about the slave trade in her history lesson. She was taught that slavery is bad and that’s that. Now, I know that many wizarding families mainly homeschooled their kids before sending them off to school, so it’s possible that they aren’t taught about Muggle history, but maybe it’s because of this lack of understanding that wizards still have house-elves. Anyway, love you all, and Millennial.”

Thank you, Jenna.

Laura: Aw, thanks.

Eric: This one came from Rachel.

“Saw the update about the upcoming Muggle Mail episode. I am loving the Goblet of Fire deep dive. What I’m finding especially interesting is the role the media plays with Rita Skeeter and how easy it is to skew things online, as well as the discussions of the dynamics between the trio and how that connects to later books. Thank you for such engaging podcasts!”

Yeah, I want to say you guys went real hard on the media last week, in its role in encouraging more fear and hatred, so it was good stuff. I loved it too.

Andrew: I’m a bit of a media nerd, so I keep an eye on that type of thing.

Laura: Next one comes from Susan, who says,

“Long time listener! I’ve actually been going back to earlier episodes and listening to them, currently in the 400s.”

Well, you’re almost there. Kind of.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

“I really love how Chapter by Chapter has evolved from Half-Blood Prince to this latest reinstallment, and I love the Girls Night podcast episode. Favorite headcanons have been fun in recent episodes also. Also, thank y’all for all your unhinged commentary, especially Micah. There’s nothing like looking like a laughing loon at 5:00 a.m. at the gym. Love y’all, and thanks for all the laughs and smiles.”

Laura: Micah, You got a shout-out!

Micah: I know. It’s great.

Eric: From ChatGPT!

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: “Looking like a laughing loon at…” It’s all that alliteration. That gives it away.

Micah: Yeah. I’m glad that, Susan, I can make you look like a laughing loon at the gym.

Andrew: Micah is unhinged. We’re working on it. Just kidding; don’t change, Micah.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: I love the idea of someone laughing at MuggleCast at 5:00 a.m. in the gym. Next time I wake up at 5:00 a.m., I’m going to think about you laughing like a loon in the gym listening to the Micah and all of his unwell-ness.

Micah: Next up is Scarlett, who says,

“Newish listener! I’m always up for a Potter podcast and never get tired of hearing more about Harry Potter, even after all this time. Can’t get enough about diving deeper into the episodes. And yes, Cedric did…”

[laughs] Here we go again.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Nooo!

“… Harry dirty! More clues, Cedric. More clues.”

Andrew: This might be the hottest debate in the fandom.

Eric: It’s settled now.

Andrew: We struck gold here, I think. We need to get on TikTok and start talking about this.

Eric: That’s true, yeah.

Andrew: Michelle said,

“Long time Harry Potter fan but never listened to podcasts till last year. Started at Episode 1, up to Episode 380 now. I have many more till I catch up, but I refuse to listen to the new episodes yet!”

[Eric laughs]

“I don’t want to miss anything you all had to say and love hearing the speculating compared to what actually happened. Love your podcast! Hope you all never stop!”

Andrew: I respect that – especially going through the episodes pre-Book 7 and pre-Deathly Hallows – Part 2 – so I understand, but at the same time I’m like, “Oh, the quality is so much better now; please don’t listen to those earliest episodes.” [fake cries]

Eric: I can’t wait for March of 2026 when Michelle catches up to this episode and reads the message that she sent getting read.

Andrew: Yeah. Aww, Michelle.

Eric: But then we’ll be on Episode 700-something. This next one comes from Andrea:

“Hi y’all, long time listener, first time caller. Had a funny image pop in my head when y’all were talking about who wore it best, Dobby or Mr. Weasley.”

Another Micah-ism, really good stuff.

“You were dissing Mr. Weasley for wearing jeans that were too big. Remember, Harry Potter took place in the ’90s, so maybe Mr. Weasley was actually trying to look cool and was wearing a pair of super baggy JNCO jeans…”

Laura, what is this word?

Laura: Yeah, JNCO.

Eric: Thank you. I’m not fashionable.

[Laura laughs]

“… because that is my new headcanon now. Love the podcast.”

Eric: Mr. Weasley was hip! I demand a retrial!

Andrew: And JNCO jeans actually did come back a couple of years ago; I don’t know if they’re still trendy. But you know what? This is a great call-out, because I used to wear baggy jeans in the 90s/early 2000s.

Laura: Yeah, we all did.

Micah: Yep.

Eric: Mine were cargo jeans. They looked awful.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: They were still baggy.

Laura: Well, then you still fit in. Our next one is from Lauren, who says,

“Your Hagrid slander makes me cry.”

Andrew: Micah.

Laura: With a crying emoji.

“In all seriousness, though, he just needs a curriculum. He never met a creature he didn’t love, so he can’t gauge what’s appropriate to teach to the kids that aren’t interested in the subject (and let’s be fair, most aren’t). Also, I think people are expecting him to teach something more akin to Magizoology, like when Hermione mentions she learned far more from Grubbly-Plank than she did in Hagrid’s lessons. Hermione loves theory, but what Hagrid is good at is practice. I’ve worked in animal care, and let me tell you, my best teachers were the Hagrids.”

Laura: That’s so heartwarming.

Andrew: It is sweet. I love Hagrid. You’re not going to get much hate for me.

Laura: Yeah, his heart’s in the right place.

Andrew: Yes.

Laura: It definitely is. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, Dumbledore didn’t set him up for success. The buck ends with Dumbledore.

Laura: That’s the thing.

Micah: All right, heading over to X, from @ManaJammo: “I love revisiting Goblet of Fire with y’all. Brings back all the good memes and Harry’s 14-year-old drama.”

Andrew: @EleanorAndresen said, “I love that you guys are leaning into the teen angst of it all.”

Eric: Watch us bust out the leather jackets for Book 5.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, exactly. Wait till Order of the Phoenix.

Micah: @EveryFlavorJules says, “Love every ep. Always wishing for more queer reps in the stories, especially with the dance and dating scenes.”

Laura: Agree.

Andrew: @MildNoMore84 said, “The latest episode got me thinking about how the goblins fit into the wizarding world.”

Eric: @SoulLynda says, “Longer episodes! More discussion on whatever, if not the chapter. Love you all.” I have a recommendation, Soul: The older episodes – particularly, like, 330 through 520 – are all whatever topic we could think about, and they’re all like 90 minutes long. It was an insane time where we plumbed all these other facets of the books.

Andrew: And we’re also releasing two bonus MuggleCast installments a month through Patreon and MuggleCast Gold on Apple Podcasts, so there’s some more content for you.

Micah: Yeah, and check out the Must Listens page. I think that would help with some of what you’re looking for, Lynda. All right, should I bring us home?

Andrew: Yes. Wrap us up.

Eric: Bring us home, Micah.

Micah: All right, final email of the episode, and it goes all the way back to May 2, 2007.

Andrew: Aww, today’s recording date!

Eric: Before the last book!

Micah: It’s right before the last book, and it was the first email that we received on May 2, and appropriate because we are recording on May 2. And it’s from Andrew, 17…

[Andrew gasps]

Micah: … from Bel Air, Maryland, on the subject of Deathly Hallows US edition. How they heard of us: iTunes. And I’ll share a story after this, but they say, “Did you notice that whatever they are reaching for, Voldemort has his eyes fixed on Harry alone?” I don’t think I’ve ever noticed that about the Deathly Hallows US edition cover.

Andrew: Let me….

Laura: I think what the cover is depicting is the moment where Harry is reaching for the Elder Wand, so Voldemort is a dead man standing at that point, right?

Eric: You don’t actually see Voldemort’s eyes… oh, wait.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Eric discovers the book flap. [laughs]

Eric: There’s more art in here, guys!

Andrew: I’m going to take issue with this email from Andrew. I’m looking at it now; I think Voldemort actually is looking up, not at Harry.

Eric: Yeah, he’s looking up, and so is Harry.

Andrew: If that were true – which maybe you could argue it is – that’s a really cool observation.

Eric: I do think that in that courtyard, Voldemort is not going to be looking at anyone other than Harry, particularly because Harry just pulled a Houdini and got out of the trappings of death. And also because Harry is the only threat to Voldemort; nobody else can come close. And so it’s like, when you have somebody’s full and undivided attention, that Voldemort judged Harry as being the only one worth his time, essentially.

Micah: The important context here is, of course, Deathly Hallows had not been released yet, and there was so much theorizing that went on. It’s really cool to look back in our inbox and just see the volume of emails we would receive every single day with new and different theories on obviously, this one was on the book cover, but certainly just things that were going to happen in the seventh book. And the funny thing I’ll just mention is one of the other emails I looked at, it actually said, “Just thought I’d let you know, Episode blah-blah-blah is not working on iTunes,” and so it’s a little bit of a throwback to our older days.

Andrew: [laughs] Okay.

Eric: We should fix that.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Hopefully it’s fixed.

Micah: I think it’s probably fine now.

Eric: All the player links, we tested them, because they’ve been updated recently.

Micah: But we used to get emails like that.

Eric: No, I love that. I really do.

Micah: Listeners cared. They still do.

Andrew: Thanks, everybody, for contributing to today’s episode. And thank you to Andrew back in May 2007 for submitting that email. We really hope you’re still listening today. [laughs] If y’all have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can email or send a voice memo recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use the contact form on MuggleCast.com. Or you can call our old school phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. And next week, Chapter by Chapter will return with Goblet of Fire Chapter 25, “The Egg and the Eye.”


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: All righty, last week’s Quizzitch question: The tub in the prefects’ bathroom features roughly how many golden taps? The correct answer is “about 100.” And I gotta tell you, Andrew, you said we were done with Muggle Mail, but the names that people submitted are pretty much letters to us in their own this week.

Andrew: Oh.

Eric: It seems like they took the spirit of the Muggle Mail very… at least the first couple; I’ve severely truncated some of these. Correct answers were submitted by Hello MuggleCast, it’s me, Mrs. Norris, and I can’t see Harry Potter, but I can smell him…

[Micah laughs]

Eric: … Hello Harry, long time no sea? Well, that’s probably because Hogwarts is surrounded by a Black Lake instead of an ocean. Anyway, I’m coming into this tub against your will.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Ooh.

Eric: Okay. All I want is a Quizzitch name read because it makes me feel as special as Ginny when someone wanted her, that was the best character in the series, and please read this, it would make me feel special and help cure my anxiety. They didn’t even leave their name. They were just like, “It will help…” Okay, What are the odds Andrew is wearing his Hogwarts alumni long sleeve? Andrew, you got a long sleeve shirt under?

Andrew: Not today; I’ve got this very cool MuggleCast 15th anniversary T-shirt available on our Etsy store. But I do wear that from time to time and maybe I’ll wear it next week.

Eric: What are the odds?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: The silver taps that want to be used even though they just use normal water. Okay, and then some of our shorter names that we love to death for these segments: All Snapes and Sizes; Buff Daddy; Elizabeth K.; Gumdrop Button; Harry the high school dropout; Micah the Supreme Goat Lord Master… gee, I wonder which name Micah submitted this week.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Pine fresh Cedric; Rub-a-dub-dub, Myrtle’s in the tub; SPEW’s forgotten cause; “That’s my golden egg, you bleep…”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: That one is good. The 11-year-old girl that loves Harry Potter; The Hogwarts plumbing system that has had more than enough of Myrtle; The mermaid in the portrait winking at Harry; The really long name that nobody wants to read in case they mess it up… real. And Tortured Poets Department is about Harry Potter.

Andrew: The new Taylor Swift album.

Eric: That’d be an interesting theory.

Laura: Make the Music Connection.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. So that was the winners for last week, and here is next week’s question: Speaking of Moaning Myrtle, where specifically does Moaning Myrtle mention haunting Olive Hornby? Submit your answer to us over on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch. If you’re on the MuggleCast website – maybe you’re checking out transcripts or something else – click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: This show is brought to you by Muggles like; you we are proudly an independent podcast and we depend on listener support. Many of our listeners come through every month, and we are deeply grateful for that, but we can always use more support to help sure up the future of this show. So if you’re an Apple Podcasts user, you can subscribe to MuggleCast Gold, which gets you ad-free and early access to MuggleCast, plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month. And then there’s also Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and you’ll get all the benefits of MuggleCast Gold plus livestreams, our planning docs, Discord access, the chance to co-host a show one day – I think we’re going to try to get a guest on next week – a new physical gift every year, and a video message from one of the four of us, which as we shared a couple of weeks ago, people really love.

Eric: And Micah and I, just as a reminder, will be at LeakyCon this year from July 5-7 at Oregon Convention Center in Portland, Oregon. And we also have a wonderfully edited announcement video that went to our Instagram and is a collab with LeakyCon. But thank you, Chloé, for putting that together for us with the dregs of footage that we had from Chicago and elsewhere, so check that out. Little announcement video. We’re excited to be back at Leaky. Team StarKid was just announced in manners relevant to Harry Potter, so that’s good stuff, and we look forward to hanging out with Brian and Meredith and all them.

Andrew: And we don’t have access to owls, so we could use your help in spreading the word about the show. And we’d also appreciate if you took a moment to leave us a review in your podcast app. Lastly, visit MuggleCast.com for transcripts, social media links, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes, and more. So that does it for this week’s episode. Thank you, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: We’ll be back next week with more analysis of Cedric and his hint for Harry. Bye, everybody.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Micah: Bye.

Transcript #656

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #656, Rita and Micah’s Hagrid Hot Take (GOF Chapter 24, Rita Skeeter’s Scoop)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the Wizarding World fandom. I’m Andrew.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: This week, settle in for some hot goss as we open up the Daily Prophet. Our Chapter by Chapter reread of the Harry Potter books continues today with Chapter 24, “Rita Skeeter’s Scoop.” And before we get to that, we actually have some exciting Harry Potter news. Actually, this might be the earliest we include a comment on the show here, but Liza in our Discord is already chiming in on the episode. She says, “Let me on the pod”?

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Laura: This is a first.

Andrew: Liza? Liza, you there?

Liza Munk: Andrew, hey!

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: Wow, that was so smooth and easy! Hi, Liza, you’re our guest this week. And Liza, the reason I just did that hilarious bit is because Liza is a Patreon supporter and she’s always in our Discord, and we had an open spot this week, so we decided to have you on. So welcome to the show, Liza.

Liza: I’m stoked to be here.

Andrew: It’s our pleasure. So tell us a little bit about yourself.

Liza: So I’m a writer and a researcher who focuses on music and culture. And so right now I live in Santa Barbara in California, but before that, I lived in Amman, Jordan, where I was doing research on alternative Arabic music. And also, I wanted to mention since I know a lot of MuggleCast listeners are big readers, you caught me just as I’m about to share more about a book club that I’ve been hosting this year, where we’re basically reading our way around the world. So if you’re interested in reading books – nonfiction, and we’re going to do some fiction, too, later on – that are all based in different countries, please feel free to hop along with me. You can follow me on Instagram or Twitter; I’m @LizaMunk, and the Munk is M-U-N-K. So yeah, really excited to share that.

Laura: That’s so cool.

Andrew: That’s a very cool idea for a book club.

Liza: Thank you so much.

Andrew: And we’ll have a link in the show notes as well. And of course, we have to get your fandom ID.

Liza: Absolutely. So my favorite book is Order of the Phoenix, and I honestly right now don’t have a favorite movie, so I decided to say I’ll just continue following the watch-along that MuggleCast does, and once you’ve done all of them, maybe by then I can tell you what my favorite movie is.

Andrew: [laughs] Okay.

Liza: My Hogwarts House is Hufflepuff and my Ilvermorny house is Pukwudgie. My Patronus, I think it’s a dolphin; I’m honestly not sure if I made that up or that’s what I got on the Patronus quiz, but we’re just going to go with it.

Andrew: Good idea.

Liza: And my favorite professor is Lupin.

Andrew: Awesome. Well, yeah, welcome again to the show. We’re excited to have you on. You always have so much great feedback in the Discord; we know you’ll fit right in today. I was not kidding about having some news to discuss this week. This is actually pretty big news: All seven Harry Potter audiobooks are going to be transformed into a new full-cast ensemble production, and this is scheduled for release in late 2025, and they’re going to be bringing over 100 voice artists on for these special edition audiobooks. You might call them immersive audiobooks; you might call them dramatized audiobooks. And the press release says that each of the seven English language audiobooks will be released sequentially for a global audience, and will sit alongside and complement the iconic single voice English language recordings by Jim Dale and Stephen Fry. And alongside that new ensemble cast, the audiobooks will be further enhanced with high quality sound design in Dolby Atmos, alongside a stunning original score and real world sound capture, all created to make your experience of the wizarding world feel even more authentic. It’s pretty cool, right?

Laura: Yeah, that sounds awesome.

Micah: This is interesting because… well, I don’t know if I can say anything about a potential audiobook episode that we’re working on…

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: … and it really just made me wonder would this be my entryway into listening to audiobooks, given all the work that seems like it’s about to go into this particular set of them? I haven’t candidly been somebody who’s listened to the audiobooks before. I’ve listened to snippets of Jim Dale and Stephen Fry, but when I’ve read Harry Potter, I’ve read it; I haven’t listened to it. But that’s in no way to take away from the work of Jim Dale or Stephen Fry.

Andrew: Yeah, I actually recently started listening to audiobooks, and I really enjoy the experience. I like walking my dog at night and listening to audiobooks, and not listening to podcasts about the real world; it’s a nice way to escape while going on a walk. And I think what excites me about these new Harry Potter audiobooks most is that this is going to be a new way to experience the original story from start to finish. We have the original books, we have the illustrated editions twice over, we have the movies, we’ll have the TV show, and now we’ll also have these enhanced audiobooks, and it will almost be like we’re getting the movie or TV series we’ve always wanted in that these audiobooks are going to be a performance of every word and scene across the series.

Laura: That’s exactly what I was thinking, is that this doesn’t sound so much like an audiobook as it sounds like a performance. And I don’t say that to take away from Jim Dale and Stephen Fry, because what they did were also performances, right? But it’s just very different. It’s more singular in the fact that you just have one voice, but here you’re going to have all of these effects and tone setting and different characters to bring the dialogue to life. I think it sounds really cool.

Liza: I’ve listened to a lot of Sarah J. Maas books as audiobooks; also recently got into audiobooks and now I’m obsessed. And once I tried one of the dramatizations… and initially I was thrown off, because I don’t think I realized that they might change a few words here and there, so I think what can be helpful is to go into that kind of thing with an open mind. If you want to be able to follow along with every single word of the print book, then maybe start with the audiobook and then try this. But I don’t know; it sort of sounds like it’ll be almost like going to see a play, but just getting the audio, and I’m sure it’ll be incredible.

Andrew: Yeah. And I guess this will work for us because we already know the story so well that even if they do maybe leave out some things from the book, then it’s okay because we know what they might have skipped over. I guess my only question at this point is it says they’re going to be sequentially released. Does that mean one book at a time?

Laura: I think so.

Andrew: Okay.

Micah: It means in order, no?

Andrew: And they just said “scheduled for late 2025,” so does that mean they’re going to start in 2025 and go into 2026? Are they going to be a week apart from each other? That could be kind of fun.

Micah: It’s definitely very cool news to get; I feel like the news that we’ve been getting on Potter has been few and far between over the course of the last even year or so. So I really like the idea that certain people are going to be able to own certain characters, whereas it probably was a struggle at times when you think of all the different voices that Jim Dale and Stephen Fry had to come up with and then remember them to reuse time and time again, and certainly with characters… I’m sure Harry’s voice in Sorcerer’s Stone was not the same as Harry’s voice in Goblet of Fire, was not the same in Deathly Hallows, but knowing that they’re bringing in hundreds of voice actors, that’s going to be really special for those people too.

Andrew: Yeah, in “real world sound capture,” the press release said. I picture them going to King’s Cross and recording just the environment and then using it.

Micah: Choo-choo.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: I can do it.

Andrew: All right, and that’s voice number 101 that will be a part of the audiobook.

Micah: This seems like a perfect opportunity. I’m going to look into more of this after the show.

Andrew: Well, we have this segment during Chapter by Chapter called “Max that”; maybe we could just start submitting ideas for certain lines for the TV show and these audiobooks.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: By the way, Dolby Atmos – also mentioned in the press release – is like surround sound technology, so it’s going to be really cool. This is exciting. And yeah, we’ll update everybody as it gets closer. Also, quick reminder, if you enjoy the show and think other Muggles would too, please tell a friend about the show. And also, help us spread the word by leaving a review in your favorite podcast app, and wouldn’t you know it? We have two reviews to read right now from Apple Podcasts. Laura, would you like to read this first one from IvyBugs?

Laura: Sure. IvyBugs says, “Ahoy, y’all! I am 10 years old. I had a really bad overbite one year ago, and I had to get braces. They are now off and I have a retainer, but I miss my braces. I loved them because they made me feel older and act older. Anyways, my point is not everyone hates their braces. I also think that I now have a high pain tolerance because of my braces as well. I love the show, keep the all girl episodes coming. MuggleCast forever, y’all. Keep on till you’re 80.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Thank you, IvyBugs.

Laura: Well, we’re like halfway there.

Micah: Yeah, we are. Some of us are.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: That was a review, that was some feedback, that was a defense of braces… excellent.

Micah: I sympathize. I was there. So painful.

Andrew: And Micah, do you want to read this other one? And please read the username carefully.

Micah: All right. The next review is from Fred&GeorgeOverMentalStability…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: … and they say, “Best Harry Potter podcast ever. This podcast never fails to brighten up my day or make me happy. I’m thankful for its in-depth conversations; it helps others to understand Harry Potter. I love it so much.”

Andrew: I’m a little alarmed by that username, but thank you for the very nice review.

[Micah laughs]


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: All right, it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Goblet of Fire Chapter 24, “Rita Skeeter’s Scoop,” and we’ll start with our Seven-Word Summary.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Liza: Rita…

Micah: … ignites…

Andrew: … rumors…

Laura: … in…

Andrew: … the…

Micah: … Three…

Laura: … Broomsticks!

Andrew: Excellent. Smooth, simple, perfect.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Laura: All right. Well, getting into this chapter, I wanted to pick up on a theme that y’all actually touched on in last week’s episode related to Cedric’s hint to Harry about the second task at the end of the Yule Ball, because I don’t want us to lose sight of the fact that Harry is down to five weeks until the second task and he has no idea about how to solve the mystery of this screeching egg. Not only is that the situation he’s in, but he lies to multiple people throughout the chapter about his progress on resolving the egg, and it seems like it’s all in large part because he doesn’t want to accept any help from Cedric. He obviously hates him right now; he’s jealous of him. But it seemed like last week that everyone except Pam felt like Cedric was offering a fair clue, and I just have to say, there were a number of moments last week – that one included – where I was like, “Yes, Pam. I’m so glad that you’re on.” Because I feel like Pam and I channel each other; we think very similarly about a lot of things, so there were multiple comments throughout the show where I was like, “Heck yeah, Pam. Get it, girl.”

[Andrews laughs]

Laura: And this was one of them, because I was calling nonsense on this non-clue that Cedric gave Harry.

Micah: In fairness, I do think Eric was in agreement with Pam to some extent.

Laura: Okay.

Micah: So I will give him credit. But I wasn’t.

Andrew: Well, my thinking is that they were in a area surrounded by other wizards, and maybe Cedric didn’t want to just explain everything to him right there in front of other people. Maybe if they were alone together that could have happened, but they were near the entrance of the Great Hall, I believe. So it is a little frustrating, but at the same time, I just think Harry will be able to figure it out. And maybe Cedric, this is what he does; he likes having a little fun, sending him on a little treasure hunt.

Micah: [laughs] It’s the Hufflepuff in him, right?

Andrew: Yeah.

Laura: What, so he enjoys dangling a carrot?

Micah: Wow.

Laura: Is that what you’re saying?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: So I feel like this is the first of many points in this episode where I’m going to be the odd person out, but I think Harry is allowing his emotions to get in the way of the information that Cedric provides to him. Because not only did Cedric tell him what to do with the egg, he gave him access to the place to do it.

Andrew: It’s pretty nice.

Micah: I just feel like Cedric is not getting full appreciation here. I understand he could say, “Harry, go into the bathroom, put the egg under the water, open the egg, put your head under the water, listen to the egg,” but you know what? Harry’s got to work at it a little bit here.

Andrew: Yeah, I mean, there’s only so many things you can do with an egg in a bathroom; you should be able to figure this out pretty quick. I think Harry is also resisting taking this information from Cedric because it’s his pride at play.

Laura: Oh, for sure.

Andrew: He just won, he just did very well on the last tournament, he survived… Mr. Chosen One got maybe a little bit of an ego on him.

Micah: Cedric also feels like he’s giving Harry enough information in this moment. Remember, Cedric is a couple years older than Harry, so maybe the level at which he is thinking is not the same as a fourth year.

Liza: I feel like now I’ve seen this from so many different angles, because before last week’s discussion, I would have just been fully on Harry’s side, but now I can understand that maybe he’s trying to do this balancing act where with the first task, it turned out to be a situation where everyone knew all the information except Cedric, but then now it’s like, “Who knows what the other two schools know about this task?” So he’s trying to keep things a little bit fair, maybe.

Andrew: Oh, that’s true. It’s kind of like a blank slate, and so you don’t want to push things too far.

Liza: Maybe he’s afraid of getting caught, because he is breaking the rules right now to tell him anything.

Micah: Yeah, that’s a fair point. I would also say, though, that it’s very highly likely that both Madame Maxime and Karkaroff are helping Fleur and Krum figure out how the egg works.

Laura: Definitely. And I just have to give a shout-out to Justin in our Discord, who totally understands where I’m coming from by saying, “He can’t just say, ‘You can hear the clue underwater’?”

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: I guess we avoid leaning on this excuse, but it is a good… it’s for the plot. It is a good plot point for Harry to have to try and figure out the clue that Cedric gave him.

Liza: It’s just another way to torture Harry in this book. Draw it out as much as possible.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: For sure. But that said, I can accept that it’s for the plot, and we can keep it moving. Getting into the first chunk of our discussion, I want to focus on Draco Malfoy a little bit here, because obviously, this happens a few pages into the chapter. There’s a lot of establishing happening in the beginning of the chapter, a lot of focus on what the relationship between Ron and Hermione looks like after their big blow-up at the Yule Ball; they are being very courteous – I would say over courteous – towards each other because they’re trying to keep the peace, and we’ll definitely touch on some of that throughout the discussion. But I had a realization about Draco when I was reading this chapter, and it’s that he is an old-timey cartoon villain, because this 14-year-old comes to Care of Magical Creatures class, but before he goes, he’s read the paper with this horrific article about Hagrid, and he’s like, “You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to bring the newspaper with me. I’m going to put it in my robes, and I’m going to rub Harry’s face in it the first chance that I get.” It just feels… it’s giving Dick Dastardly.

Andrew: I don’t know who that is…

Laura: What?

Andrew: … but I can picture the [in an old-timey cartoon villain voice] “See right here, see right here? Look at this!”

Laura: That’s the vibe.

Andrew: Okay.

Laura: Yeah. And I feel like it all adds up when we think about his other baddie moments, if you will, like the taunting that he does. When he does get into a duel with Harry, he hurls a hex at him that’s basically the magical equivalent of playing an embarrassing prank on somebody. And if we look at this alongside his future inability to actually be the villain when he can’t kill Dumbledore, I think that the groundwork for Draco not being a very successful villain has been being laid since very early on in this series, and I think it’s another example right here.

Micah: So he’s almost a comedic villain, in a way. Like, you can’t take him seriously.

Laura: Right, and I mean, don’t get me wrong, his ideologies are reprehensible and he definitely is representative of the worst part of wizarding society, but he’s just parroting what he’s been told his entire life, and he’s never actually had to stick to his guns. He’s never had to put his neck out there, and I think it shows in the way that he tries to act out, because it’s kind of lame.

Andrew: Yeah, being ready to go with the newspaper, “Oh, look at this. You wondered? Well, here you go. This is why he’s so bothered.”

Laura: Well, unfortunately for Hagrid, the hits do keep coming. So he totally stepped in it with Madame Maxime at the Yule Ball, which y’all chatted about last week, but this article that we get in the Daily Prophet about Hagrid is completely scathing. So not only are Hagrid’s credentials, his education, and whether he’s even safe to be around called into question, but he’s outed in this article as half-giant. This is another example we see of a character of some kind of minority status being outed in this series. We just had Lupin last book.

Andrew: Yeah, it is interesting you using the phrase “outed,” because people can see him, right? And I know maybe there are some people like Ron who thought he just walked in front of an Engorgeo charm, but some people must already suspect this, so Hagrid shouldn’t have taken this as bad as he did.

Laura: I feel like there’s disassociation at play for people.

Liza: Yeah, exactly. I mean, I just agree with you so much that it’s remarkable how much I found that people sometimes want to believe the lies they tell themselves, so until it’s spelled out, who knows what people will make up to make themselves more comfortable, basically?

Micah: I’m trying to remember, too, and I’d have to go back and fact check it, but I feel like Draco often refers to Hagrid as a big giant oaf before this chapter, so it’s not like others couldn’t see Hagrid physically for what he is. And it’s interesting that Hagrid is almost ignorant in a way to how other people perceive him, whether good, bad, or indifferent.

Laura: Part of it is probably that most people are under the assumption that giants aren’t magical in the way wizards are, so one would never be admitted to Hogwarts. Hagrid even alludes to this later in the chapter that his dad was super excited when he realized that Hagrid had magic and could go to Hogwarts, so it could be that people ruled out the possibility of him being a giant because they didn’t think it was possible for one to go to Hogwarts.

Micah: Yeah. And what’s interesting about that is wasn’t Dippet headmaster at that time? Not Dumbledore. So we always talk about how Dumbledore is the one who’s all accepting and willing to bring in folks from all walks of life, but in this case, unless Dumbledore had influence over Dippet, Dippet was the one who allowed Hagrid to come to Hogwarts.

Andrew: Maybe it speaks to a long-standing tradition at Hogwarts, that it has been a welcoming school too. Dumbledore was just the latest in line to be welcoming all types of people.

Micah: And reckless, but we’ll talk about that.

Laura: Something else that I want to touch on with relation to the revelation about Hagrid’s identity is again looking at the way Hermione interprets bigotry in the wizarding world, because I really do feel like her heart is in the right place. She is recognizing bigotry for what it is; she spots it right away. But I think because she didn’t grow up in the wizarding world, there are some cases where she doesn’t have a proper appreciation for how it can manifest, how pervasive it can be, and she tends to oversimplify what she thinks the solutions are. So when talking about prejudice towards giants, when Ron was bringing up to her, “Hey, Hermione, this is a really big deal. I don’t think you understand; some people will care,” she just says, “It’s just bigotry, isn’t it? Just like the way people approach werewolves,” and Ron decides to keep the peace here, but in this moment, I really got the impression that Ron was feeling like, “You just don’t get it, Hermione, because you didn’t grow up around it, so it’s never as simple as saying, ‘It’s just bigotry; if we can get rid of it, then it won’t be a problem anymore.'” So I just think it’s interesting, Hermione’s kind of naïveté around the whole topic at this point. She gets better, but that’s also growth, right? She’s still a child.

Andrew: She is still a child, but with all the reading that she does, you actually might think she would have a better handle on the situation and maybe more of Ron’s perspective if she’s been a student of history.

Liza: And it just… what it reminds me of… initially, I thought of it as an odd and end, but the way that Malfoy, one of his taunts about Hagrid in this chapter is pretty horrific to read as an adult; he calls him the “elephant man,” and that sent me on a little rabbit hole this week about, “Oh, wow, this was a historical figure.” This was someone who was physically disabled, but in the 1800s that might end you up in what was then called a freak show. At that time there were slaves that were also part of those so-called freak shows, and so it’s like, “Wow.” It’s just pointing to how intense the bigotry is.

Micah: It also shows you how the media can enable behavior, because Malfoy says those things after the article has come out, so it’s almost like Rita’s words have empowered him to be even more spiteful and hatred towards Hagrid.

Andrew: Yeah, and he’s excited at the idea that Hagrid might not be returning, so that’s probably further emboldening him. Like he won, in a way.

Micah: Right, especially after the incident with the hippogriff the year before.

Andrew: Yeah, definitely.

Laura: Well, and he’s quoted in this article, too, as talking about that.

Andrew: Right, “Everybody hates Hagrid,” which Harry is particularly pissed about. But I think Hermione also serves as a sort of vessel for the reader, too, so maybe that’s a large part of what’s going on here in terms of Hermione’s character and how she doesn’t have a… just thinking about house-elves as well, she has a lot to learn, just like the reader does, so it’s an opportunity for us to learn with Hermione.

Laura: Yeah, that’s a good point. Usually, I think we’re used to Harry being the vessel for the readers, but I agree with you; I think in this particular case, Hermione is the the everyman, if you will.

Andrew: One important item of note is that the author of the article… so if you look at the article printed in the book, it doesn’t have a byline for who actually wrote it to tell you… because that’s an important bit of information if you’re consuming any article. The article does say there was a conversation with a Daily Prophet reporter, and that is just very sus.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: I don’t know why they wouldn’t just include Rita’s name. They do include it elsewhere in the article, but I think that the Prophet – or maybe this is at Rita’s direction – purposely does not say this was a conversation with Rita, because people know that Rita is a gossip columnist. People probably know she cannot be trusted. So if they put Rita’s name there, if they printed Rita’s name, people might not believe the article and it might not have as much power as it did, at least in Hagrid’s mind.

Micah: Totally. And there is additional proof of her not being fact-checked in this article, and I’m thinking about the whole Flobberworm story when Harry gets angry at Crabbe because Crabbe told Rita in this article that he was bitten by a Flobberworm, but of course, Flobberworms don’t have teeth, so there’s no way that could have possibly happened. So it just goes to show you; you’d think that if she was profiling a Hogwarts professor in this way, that somebody would be making sure it was accurate before it was published in a paper like the Daily Prophet. So I agree with you on that front, in terms of just having some fact-checking going on. We talked about this with the other articles we’ve seen her write up until this point. However, I do have a bit of a hot take.

Andrew: Uh-oh.

Laura: Here we go. Buckle up.

Micah: [laughs] And sorry in advance.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: There is very little that is factually inaccurate about Rita’s article.

Andrew: Oop!

Micah: And this goes back to, Laura, I think something you had raised earlier when you were talking about his credentialing, his expulsion, him being dangerous to be around. He isn’t credentialed. He was expelled, and I don’t really know that the truth was ever fully revealed there about what happened, but all we know is that he was kicked out of school. And he is dangerous to be around, even for the trio.

Andrew: Ah!

Micah: Forget his classes; think about all the danger that Harry, Ron, and Hermione get into. So I’m arguing here that almost all of the first part of her article is true, and as readers, and as Hagrid lovers, we just don’t like the way that it’s written.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: And I pulled out a few nuggets here. Dumbledore is “never afraid to make controversial staff appointments.” That is indisputable, as far as I’m concerned.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Hagrid got the job “ahead of many better-qualified candidates.” That’s true, as we see Professor Grubbly-Plank fills in for him in this chapter, and she does a pretty good job. I think it would have been interesting to see the list of other candidates that were potential hires, or did Hagrid just get the nod and Dumbledore was like, “Eh, forget everybody else”?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: “I like this guy.”

Micah: He “terrifies his students with a succession of horrific creatures.” Again, this is true. The creatures have “maimed several pupils.” “Maimed” may be a strong word, but they have suffered injuries. Even in this book, Seamus is injured by one of the Blast-Ended Skrewts. And he’s breeding dangerous creatures without governmental oversight. So I’m sorry, Hagrid.

Andrew: To the point about creatures maiming several pupils, I can’t remember who does in this chapter, but somebody says, “Oh, do you think the Blast-Ended Skrewts attacked Hagrid?” They don’t even trust the Blast-Ended Skrewts around Hagrid, and vice versa.

Micah: Because they’re a brand new species, as far as we know. We don’t know what they’re going to do, and there’s no expectation. There’s no research on them.

Andrew: Hagrid cross-bred them, yeah. [laughs] And Hermione says in this chapter, too, like, “Oh, Grubbly-Plank, I learned so much from her, so much I never would have learned from Hagrid.” This is a tough pill to swallow. I mean, it’s true. But Micah, so let me ask you, because Rita Skeeter’s article was so accurate and you find her to be one of the greatest journalists of our time…

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: … do you think Dumbledore should dump, or should have never hired Hagrid as teacher?

Micah: The latter. I don’t think he should ever have been hired as Care of Magical Creatures professor. I don’t think that Dumbledore set him up for success by doing that, by giving him that position. I just don’t think he was qualified.

Liza: Yeah, it really could have worked out if he hired him and then immediately trained him and supervised him…

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Liza: … so it’s one of these things where a lot of these issues happened from him just being thrown in to figure it out on his own.

Andrew: But see, there’s no tuition at Hogwarts, so how’re they going to get money to hire somebody to train Hagrid? [laughs] They’ve just got to pull whoever they can get.

Laura: I feel like they could get Newt Scamander.

Andrew: Ohh. Now, that would have been a great addition. Somebody write that fanfiction. This article happens, Hagrid is devastated, maybe he’s feeling insecure, Dumbledore is like, “Oh, I got a little extra attention on me and the school and my tactics; let me hire old Newt, my old buddy from Fantastic Beasts 2 through 3 and straighten this out.” That would’ve been great.

Micah: It would have been. And I think, to your point, having some sort of formal training in place, like Liza said, would have benefited Hagrid, whether that was learning from the previous professor or bringing in somebody like you said, Laura, like Newt, that he could be an assistant to, that he could learn from. And I think Hagrid would be a great Care of Magical Creatures assistant; he can manage creatures and beasts like nobody else probably could, and he would do it with a level of care that probably could only be rivaled by Newt.

Andrew: You can’t help but feel bad for Hagrid. And we’ll look at the other half of this article – which is loaded with problems – in a moment, but first, we’re going to take a quick break. We’ll be right back.

[Ad break]

Micah: I will say, I think that Rita completely delegitimizes her argument by what she does next, because she transitions to basically an op-ed on giants, and she embellishes past historical interactions and really plays on the wizarding world’s larger fear of what giants represent. And she’s saying that, “Well, just because Hagrid is half-giant, that’s the reason why he’s so unqualified to be a professor.” It’s like, “No, he’s unqualified to be a professor because he just doesn’t have the resources and education that one needs to be successful in this role, and that’s regardless of any kind of background that he may have.”

Laura: Yeah. I think that’s a really great way to put it, and a pitfall that we see journalists in the real world fall into all the time.

Andrew: Yeah. And I think the way that this article is structured is interesting, because as Micah points out, many of the statements in the first part of the article are accurate, so you’re kind of building the reader’s trust by giving them things they, as maybe a parent of a Hogwarts student, would already agree with, and then you get to the second half, and you can’t help but believe the second half because the trust was gained in the first half of the article.

Laura: It’s also just hateful; I think that’s part of what we take issue with as readers, is the facts are the facts, but the slant is very hateful. I think it could be different if this were investigative reporting that wasn’t done as a sort of takedown piece, right? So if you got someone different to write this, especially if Hagrid wasn’t outed without his consent, then I think it would look quite a bit different.

Liza: And what occurs to me now is I feel like it also falls into this classic pattern of treating someone as if they’re dangerous, who is actually maybe the most in danger. If there’s, what, two half-giants that we know of in the entire wizarding world, that’s a extreme position of vulnerability where they just have to wonder at any minute, “If someone finds this out, I’m finished,” right? Also, I’m struck by that there must just be something really well done about the writing here that still makes me so sympathetic for Hagrid, even though all of the things you listed are true. And I’m just like, “Wow, I’m still so on his side,” even though he has done a lot of things that are questionable.

Andrew: And I think this is something the trio struggles with in this chapter as well.

Laura: Yeah, well, and it’s because we all know Hagrid, right? If we didn’t know Hagrid and then we read this article, we might have a different perception. I would hope that we could elevate our critical thinking skills for a moment, but perception is reality a lot of the time, and if you’ve read an article before you engage with a person or a subject matter, it will color your perspective. But because we have three and a half years of experience with Hagrid, we know that while the facts of this article – the first half of it – are true, the substance that is driving the motivation behind the article is false. So I think that’s what really makes us land on Hagrid’s side, at least speaking personally. And he’s taking this all really, really rough. He has shut himself up in his cabin; he will not answer the door. This has to be made worse by the fact that, as you said, Andrew, Professor Grubbly-Plank is a really good teacher.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: Ouch.

Andrew: I didn’t say that; Hermione said that. In a way, Grubbly-Plank’s presence isn’t doing Hagrid any favors with any of the students, because suddenly they’re seeing how this class should be taught, and it’s like, “Wait, I’m actually learning and not in danger. Now we get to check out unicorns; that’s pretty cool.”

Laura: Something I will call out there, though: Half the class gets to check out unicorns.

[Micah laughs]

Laura: So I think if we’re talking about the quality of a teacher, accessibility of your classroom content to your full class is a pretty big part of that. So is she a good teacher in general? Yeah, I think she is. Do I think that it’s a miss for her first lesson to have chosen a creature that only half of her class could interact with? Probably wasn’t the best one. It was a flashy one to start with, which, by the way, is the exact same thing Hagrid did in Prisoner of Azkaban by starting with hippogriffs, so it’s just different flavors of the same gusto for the class, I think.

Liza: The other thing I don’t like that she did is her giving Harry the silent treatment. I think a better teacher would have used her words to explain why she wasn’t going to answer the question, like, “This is not my story to tell, Harry,” or like, “I don’t feel it’s appropriate for me to get into this, and now it’s time for class.” The silent treatment is… I mean, I was mad on Harry’s behalf.

Micah: He was being a bit pushy, though, in fairness, wasn’t he?

Liza: He was. Both he was being pushy, and then I just don’t think it’s appropriate to answer someone’s question by just saying nothing, because… I don’t know; maybe that will bring back some negative memories for people.

Andrew: And I would think as a teacher, you understand that students form relationships with other teachers, and Harry is very concerned about his friend. So I think that’s all the more reason to tell Harry, because otherwise, he’s probably not going to be focused in class. At least telling him might help a little bit so he’s not just sitting there wondering where he is. He’ll just be wondering why and feeling terrible for him.

Liza: I get the sense from friends of mine that are still teaching that the latest thing is to think about how you can use trauma-informed messages or methods in the classroom, and that’s about, “Do the students feel safe in class?” And how do you feel safe? If you feel heard. How is the opposite of that? If you ask a question, and someone pretends that you don’t exist, right? So it’s exactly like you’re saying; it’s like she lost Harry before she even started the lesson, so that could have gone differently.

Micah: It’s actually not all that dissimilar from what happens in Prisoner of Azkaban when they ask where Lupin is when Snape is the one who’s filling in for him, and Snape is extremely dismissive, and we see Grubbly-Plank adopt a very similar approach here with Harry.

Andrew: Yeah. It is interesting seeing the trio reconcile the fact that Hagrid is their friend, but at least in Hermione’s mind, Grubbly-Plank is teaching a better class. And I’ll borrow a popular Laura phrase here: Two things can be true!

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Hagrid is a bad teacher, and he’s also a really nice person, and it’s just a hard truth that the students have to live with. Yes, he was hired as a teacher. That’s great; we’re happy for our friend. But he’s just not the best teacher and there are better options out there, and that’s a really tough thing to balance, I think, but you just have to accept that.

Laura and Micah: I agree.

Laura: Couldn’t agree more. Agreeing with my own logic.

Andrew: [laughs] “Ah, yes, two things can be true!”

Laura: [laughs] Nobody’s ever said that before!

Andrew: Brilliant! [laughs]

Laura: In contrasting, though, two Hogwarts professors who have both been outed, basically within a year of each other, I wanted to compare Lupin’s and Hagrid’s responses to being outed for their heritage. Lupin is a lot more calm, cool, and collected about it. He knows he needs to resign. Hagrid is not taking it well, and is very clearly emotionally distraught over it. Also trying to resign, but Dumbledore won’t let Hagrid resign. I think it’s interesting to posit the question: Why accept Lupin’s resignation, but not Hagrid’s?

Micah: Well, what first came to mind for me is Lupin’s position is cursed, so there’s that.

Andrew: He’s gotta go. [laughs]

Laura: True.

Micah: He doesn’t have much of a choice. But if we were to remove that, it’s really hard to say, because we know that there were letters – or at least, Lupin thinks that there will be plenty of letters – that will be arriving to the school calling for him to resign, whereas we see in this chapter Dumbledore notes that there’s been a lot of letters in support of Hagrid. Now, supporting him in what sense, I’m interested, because he speaks of those who had been at Hogwarts when Hagrid was there, so it could have been when Hagrid was… probably not when he was a student, but in his role is gamekeeper. And I don’t know that they’re necessarily advocating on behalf of him as a professor, because they have no context for him as a professor, because this is essentially his second year as a professor. So getting letters from parents, I would assume they just loved his good jolly nature as the gamekeeper of Hogwarts; they didn’t have him as the Care of Magical Creatures professor. So I don’t know. I genuinely think that Lupin poses more of a direct threat to students than somebody like Hagrid.

Laura: I agree.

Andrew: I think Dumbledore also sees that Hagrid wears his heart on his sleeve. He lets his emotions get to him and then he doesn’t think clearly. Hagrid thinks with his heart, whereas Lupin is the type of person who thinks with his brain. He has reason to accept Lupin’s resignation; he doesn’t with Hagrid. We’ve all been there; we all have a bad day and we’re like, “Screw this, I’m out of here! Eff everything!” And then we get some sleep and then we come to our senses. I think Dumbledore sees that Hagrid was just caught off guard by this article. He knows deep down Hagrid doesn’t want to leave; he’s just upset right now and he will get better. Sometimes you just need a pat on the back and “Toughen up, kid. I’ll see you at breakfast, 8 a.m. tomorrow.”

Micah: And Hagrid is not going to turn into the Hulk every 30 days and rampage around Hogwarts breaking everything, posing risks to the students and the staff. I think you have to be concerned about that with Lupin if he forgets to take his Wolfsbane Potion.

Andrew: [laughs] We only have to worry about Hagrid’s creatures, not Hagrid himself.

Micah: Right. We have to worry about his teaching methods being dangerous, not him specifically. I don’t know. It’s tough. Dumbledore is in a tough spot. But he hired them both, so he has to deal with it.

Andrew: Hagrid is also the guy who drinks too much and loses control. He needs to be just reined in and everything will be okay. Hagrid will get through this.

Liza: All I could think of was maybe was Dumbledore worried that if Hagrid was not at Hogwarts, that out in the world more people would be likely to take advantage of him and manipulate him towards evil, basically?

Laura: Honestly, I think it’s a good guess, because Dumbledore behaves similarly towards Trelawney. Obviously, him keeping her close and at Hogwarts, there’s a very different reason behind it; he’s trying to protect her because she heard the prophecy. But Hagrid is also Dumbledore’s right hand man, and I have to imagine that there’s a target on Hagrid’s back, too, because of that, so it could be out of protection more than anything else. Throughout the conversation about Hagrid, the trio are trying to figure out how the heck was Rita able to overhear this conversation between him and Madame Maxime, and they get oh so close to figuring out whether or not she was in the garden. But they do try to go see Hagrid, he won’t see them, and ultimately, they opt to go to Hogsmeade for a weekend trip because they’re hoping – or Harry is hoping – that he’ll run into Hagrid there. So we’re going to nip down to the pub here while we play this ad break, but we’ll be right back.

[Ad break]

Laura: So Harry is again choosing not to focus on solving the egg. He could hang out in Gryffindor tower and have the common room basically to himself, but he’s like, “Nah, I’ve got to get down to Hogsmeade so I can try and see Hagrid,” but it becomes clear very quickly that Hagrid is nowhere to be found; he’s still shut up at home. But who is in Hogsmeade in the pub is none other than Ludo Bagman, and he is there with a group of goblins who look decidedly unfriendly.

Micah: Shady, shady, shady, shady.

Laura: Pretty quickly, Bagman approaches Harry and takes him aside to offer him help with the egg, but Harry declines this because he asks, “Are you helping Cedric?” and when it becomes clear that Bagman is not helping Cedric, Harry declines his offer. But something else curious happens over the course of their short conversation here: Harry asks Bagman what he’s doing there with the goblins and what they want, and Ludo tells him that the goblins are actually looking for Barty Crouch, Sr., who has taken ill, is not reporting to work, and is just sending all of his updates to the Ministry, a.k.a. Percy, probably via owl. And there’s this moment where he specifically says, “Don’t go around repeating this, because Rita Skeeter is definitely buzzing around…”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: “… looking for other stories to tell about us, and I don’t want that to happen.” So I had this moment when I was reading this, and I was like, “Am I crazy, or does it seem like Ludo is trying to plant this story to take attention away from him?” And to play both sides of this goblin equation; like, he’s definitely told the goblins, “Hey, I’m going over to talk to Harry; I am going to make sure that he knows how to win the second task so that I can win whatever bets I’m placing on him and give you your money back,” and at the same time, trying to see if he can goad to Harry into leaking this totally fabricated story about the goblins wanting to meet with Barty Crouch, Sr. to sort of take any heat that might be residually occurring over Bertha Jorkins off of him. Did anyone else pick this up? Was that too long-winded of an explanation?

Andrew: Those were some mental gymnastics that I’m still flipping through.

Laura: Sorry.

Andrew: But Micah, you seem to like it?

Micah: I do, because I think that there’s already been enough information put out there that it’s clear that Bertha Jorkins is missing, and so what better way to deflect that story than to get information into the Prophet about Barty Crouch, Sr.? It takes a lot of pressure off of Ludo’s shoulders. Now, that being said, it would have been interesting if Rita went down the rabbit hole of investigating the situation with Barty Crouch, Sr. and why he’s not showing up to work. It might have spoiled some plans on the part of Voldemort and Barty Crouch, Jr., or it may have ended up with Rita being a squashed bug much earlier in this story. [laughs] One of those two things likely would have happened. But yeah, Ludo is definitely in it for Ludo every moment that he’s on the page. He’s only working for himself.

Andrew: I will also add that Hermione does catch on to what’s going on with Ludo because she starts wondering why goblins would be looking for Crouch.

Laura: Right.

Micah: Yeah, it’s very strange.

Andrew: Because it would be a different department.

Liza: Yeah, I think it’s spot on. I wouldn’t have thought of it, but when I was hearing your explanation, I think you’re exactly right. He’s just doing anything to get the heat off of him, to distract, deflect.

Andrew: Laura loves true crime and a good mystery…

Laura: I do.

Andrew: … so she thinks that way. She gets straight to the point.

Laura: Well, I don’t know if I was straight to the point with that; I was very enthusiastic about being like, “He is totally playing the deflection game; let me take you down every nook and cranny that my brain went about this.” So thank you for indulging me. I think that he knows the kind of journalist Rita is, and she has a reputation, obviously, for overhearing things and catching wind of things that she really shouldn’t. So if he’s planting this seed with Harry, who he knows is likely to go back and tell his two friends… let’s say they’re sitting there talking about that pretty openly; all it takes is for Rita to walk into the pub and overhear them, and boom, there’s the lead that she’s going to chase next. He doesn’t know that she’s also an unregistered Animagus, so that adds a whole other level to this.

Micah: For sure. I also would say that I think Ludo’s behavior continues to raise maybe not a guilty status on the suspect meter, but it’s very suspicious. The fact that he… we don’t have the full context right now of the goblin backstory and him being a betting man all the time, but the fact that he tried to help him out just before the start of the first task, now he’s coming over and trying to help him with the second task… we still don’t know who put Harry’s name in the Goblet, so the fact that this man who doesn’t know Harry from anybody else, really, is so willing to help him.

Andrew: Ludo’s behavior doesn’t seem to raise any flags with Harry, does it? At least not in this chapter, in terms of who put his name into the Goblet. So maybe that should tell us something.

Micah: I think he’s working on who put his name in the Goblet about as much as he’s working on the egg.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Which is not much.

Andrew: “Figure it out later.”

Liza: Yeah, but it’s clear, at least, he doesn’t trust him. And there’s this added level of skill to Ludo’s manipulation, because he’s so good at appearing to be the sociable, funny, friendly guy.

Micah: But Harry’s intuition is strong; he can recognize a fake… well, most of the time.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: When he’s speaking with one.

Laura: I also thought this would be a good opportunity to remind ourselves that at this point, Crouch is under the Imperius Curse and being forced to stay home and handle his Ministry business via owl, so that’s been going on for quite some time at this point, and it’s why Percy is having to step in for Crouch as well in more events. Who else should walk in at this moment when Harry and Bagman are talking but Fred and George, and they attempt to invite him for a drink, which he very quickly refuses and dips out as quickly as he can.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: Why would you go anywhere near…? If you’re trying to avoid these children who you owe money to, why would you go anywhere near Hogsmeade on a weekend when you know the students are all going to be there? Like, come on, man. [laughs]

Andrew: Right, yeah. He really wanted to get to Harry, I guess.

Liza: Exactly.

Laura: But unfortunately for Harry, Ludo Bagman isn’t the only unwelcome face in the pub that day. Rita Skeeter and her cameraman Bozo…

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: What a name.

Laura: I forgot that was his name. [laughs]

Andrew: Bozo the clown?

Micah: Bozzo.

Laura: Bozzo?

Andrew: Let’s call him Bozo.

[Micah laughs]

Laura: I didn’t know. I thought it was Bozo. [laughs]

Micah: No, I think Bozo is appropriate.

Laura: Okay, UK listeners, is it Bozo or Bozzo? Because as an American reading this, looks like Bozo. [laughs] So let us know. But they walk in and she’s got her Quick Quotes Quill at the ready, and Harry is not having any of it. He and Hermione in particular do not react well to seeing Rita here. And unfortunately for Hermione, she definitely solidifies herself as Rita’s next target by standing up to her and calling her horrible for what she did to Hagrid with that article.

Andrew: Yeah. And Hermione is so livid after this that she vows to get back to Rita for the hit pieces that she’s published so far. Is this kind of a foreshadow alert? In that Hermione does have the last word later on.

Liza: I think so.

[Foreshadowing sound effect plays]

Micah: You just really wanted to play that, didn’t you?

[Andrew makes a buzzing noise]

Laura: We really do need a buzzing sound effect for her.

Liza: And I’m sure this is such a relatable moment for any of us that had been called a little kid, regardless of your gender, or even just been treated as… or questioned based on your age. I mean, I was literally just about to carry three bags of groceries home because the store is so close to me, and I have a neighbor that’s like, “Are you really going to carry all that?” And like, “Huh, I wonder if I was in my early 30s and not a woman you would have questioned whether I could carry three bags.” But yeah, so I really appreciate and relate to this moment of rage for Hermione. Like, “Oh, yeah, sure, demean me, see what happens.”

[Andrew and Liza laugh]

Laura: And in the end, Hermione wins that bet.

Micah: Yeah, she does.

Laura: Yeah, Rita gets some punches in, but… [laughs]

Micah: And I think that Rita reacts the way that she does because she’s getting called out in front of the entire bar. It’s like one of those moments on TV where everything goes silent and everybody’s looking at you, and I don’t think Rita honestly liked the attention at that moment. If she ran into the trio somewhere up in Hogwarts or somewhere else in Hogsmeade where there weren’t all these other people around, she probably wouldn’t have cared as much.

Andrew: Here’s a fly buzzing, okay?

[Buzzing sound effect plays]

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Do you hear a splat sound at the end?

Andrew: I don’t know, I… [laughs]

Laura: You’ve got to get the sound of a jar lid popping, like… [makes popping sound] something like that.

Andrew: [laughs] Let’s put Eric up to this.

Micah: He’s good at this.

Andrew: He likes creating these stories in the sound effects.

Laura: He does. [laughs]

Micah: One other thing I just wanted to call out given that we are in the pub, before we leave the pub, is that I think it just demonstrates how bars and pubs are welcoming, usually, to everybody. If you look around this pub, you have goblins, you have Ludo, you have Rita, you have all these Hogwarts students… so regardless of who, they’re all welcomed in to have a drink. Not saying everybody gets along with each other, but that’s usually the case for most pubs.

Laura: True.

Andrew: Yeah. Well, it helps that it was karaoke night that night, so that’s why probably a lot of people were there.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: But no, I agree. And I guess it also helps that students are allowed to be in the bar, which seems like a whole other problem.

Laura: I mean, drinking culture is different in the UK, as we know.

Andrew: It is, but can the trio have a butterbeer at this age? They can, right?

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Andrew: But they’re only 14 or 15, and it might be a little alcoholic…?

Micah: I don’t think it’s alcoholic.

Andrew: It’s not?

Laura: Not for humans.

Andrew: Oh.

Laura: It is for house-elves, because we see Winky get real drunk off of it.

Andrew: [laughs] Winky is a lightweight.

Micah: She’s a lush.

Laura: Yeah, but Dobby says that butterbeer is really strong for house-elves, so I don’t think it’s high alcohol content for people.

Andrew: Got it. Right.

Laura: But these pubs, we see that they serve mead and whiskey….

Andrew: Yeah, Firewhisky.

Laura: … yeah, so there’s definitely that element of it. But when you get outside the US, attitudes towards teenagers drinking are really, really different.

Andrew: Yeah. Well, it helps that the drinking age is lower.

Laura: Yeah. Well, as we established, Hermione is fueled by righteous indignation about what has happened with Rita, so she takes off and she marches down to Hagrid’s cabin with Harry and Ron in her wake…

Andrew: Bum-bum-bum-bum…

Laura: … and she practically beats down the door…

Andrew: Boom-boom-boom-boom.

Laura: … trying to get Hagrid to let them in.

Andrew: I’m working on the enhanced audiobook as you narrate all this.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: It’s very good. But much to their surprise, it’s not Hagrid that opens the door, but Dumbledore.

Andrew: I’m putting on my Dumbledore glasses for this section…

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: … because I think Dumbledore is phenomenal in this scene. Absolutely phenomenal. He’s a good friend, he’s funny, he brings up a lot of good points… I am truly obsessed with Dumbledore in this area of the book.

Laura: He is very good.

Micah: I agree.

Laura: He basically uses the trio – particularly Hermione’s reactions here – to make the case.

Micah: Yeah, he uses the trio. What a shock.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Careful now, careful now.”

Laura: Do you think he orchestrated that somehow to be like, “I need to get them to come down here because I know how they’ll react, so I can prove a point to Hagrid”?

Andrew: The timing did work out well, but I guess maybe Dumbledore assumed that at some point the trio would be back. When, though, I guess was the bigger question.

Liza: It’s like, little do we know, Dumbledore has been there all day, because he’s like, “I know this is the day. Sooner or later…”

Andrew: Yeah, just waiting for Hermione to come and bang on the door.

Micah: I think it’s really great that Dumbledore has given Hagrid his space to work through everything that’s been going on, but then at the end of all of it, says, “All right, man, enough. Your butt better be at work on Monday.”

Andrew: “You cried it out. Toughen up, man. Let’s get back at it. You got this.”

Micah: Right. One thing that also jumped to mind is when Hagrid was talking about Dumbledore, he says, “Trusts people, he does. Gives them second chances… that’s what sets him apart from the other Heads, see. He’ll accept anyone at Hogwarts, s’long as they’ve got the talent. Knows people can turn out okay even if their families weren’t… well… all that respectable.” And I’m curious, now that we have Deathly Hallows, we have Fantastic Beasts, do we think that this stems from his own experiences with Grindelwald and Aberforth and Ariana, the way that he is so welcoming to all at Hogwarts?

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: I think that’s a really good observation.

Laura: Well, especially with his dad.

Andrew: Yeah, so Hagrid does say in this same area, “Great man, Dumbledore,” but Dumbledore does an excellent…

Laura: We need southern Hagrid.

Micah: [in a southern accent] “Great man, Dumbledore.”

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: That wasn’t really southern.

Andrew: That was just normal Hagrid.

Micah: That was normal Hagrid.

Laura: That was really good, though.

Liza: That was good.

Andrew: But Dumbledore does an excellent job here trying to make Hagrid feel better, and he also says something that I’m going to now share with y’all every time you complain about him: Dumbledore says, “Not a week has passed since I became headmaster of this school when I haven’t had at least one owl complaining about the way I run it. But what should I do? Barricade myself in my study and refuse to talk to anybody?” Dumbledore’s point is so true. We can plus one this being podcasters; you can never please everybody. When you’re in a leadership role, you’re always pissing somebody off; you’re always upsetting somebody, because not everybody’s going to agree with your style. Can I get an amen up in here?

Micah: Amen.

Andrew: Now let the music play.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: That’s a Drag Race reference.

Micah: Well, I can definitely agree because I’ve read a lot of the emails or other complaints that we’ve received over the years…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: … and they’re not even complaints; they’re just feedback. And not everybody, to your point, Andrew, and to Dumbledore’s point, agrees with what we have to say, and that’s okay.

Andrew: That’s okay.

Liza: Yep, that’s why… I mean, I just had that today; some people weren’t happy with the book I chose for the next book club I’m leading, and I got angry initially, but then… I feel like the most amazing thing I’ve learned this year is that the whole reason that all these different approaches tell us to just focus on the moment and your breath or notice something else in the present, is it literally allows you to process emotion. So it’s like what Dumbledore could add, it’s just like, “Yep, you can get angry, but you’ve just got to let yourself take a breath, process it, and then go ahead and do exactly what you were going to do.”

Andrew: Take a breath. Listen to the birds outside Liza’s window. Just relax.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: I wonder how many of the professors at Hogwarts were hired or appointed by Dumbledore versus them being there when he assumed position of headmaster, because… and again, what he says in this moment is a great moment; don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to nitpick at him at all. But I wonder if some of these letters would be lessened if he would have maybe had some more qualified people in the positions that he’s hired, right? You think about Hagrid, you think about Trelawney, you think even about Snape. Snape is… we’ve talked about this; he’s not a good person, he is a good teacher, but you probably don’t want that type of person teaching these students. He’s also a former Death Eater. Then you have all of the DADA professors, and presumably the position is cursed mostly because of Dumbledore and the fact that he didn’t let Tom Riddle take the position. So I mean, you can spend a lot of time probably examining. I’m curious who was there before? Your McGonagalls, your Sprouts, your Flitwicks. Obviously Binns; he was there probably before Dumbledore. But it’s interesting to me that a lot of the teachers he’s hired, I don’t know how good they are.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Well, according to Fantastic Beasts, McGonagall was there before he became headmaster.

Micah: [laughs] Right.

Liza: Binns bothers me a lot because I think history is super compelling. Not everyone knows how to convey it in a compelling way, but it’s like, don’t believe that all history is boring like Binns makes it seem.

Andrew: Yeah. And when you’re a kid reading this and maybe you haven’t had history classes yet, you just go into your first history class assuming it’s going to be as boring as Professor Binns’s. [laughs] Society really does not do history classes any favors in general.

Laura: No, it doesn’t. And that’s why we repeat it so much. But anyway…

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: During the course of this conversation as Hagrid starts feeling better, he pulls out a picture of his dad and starts sharing stories about his relationship with his dad and how his dad was really the one who told him never to be ashamed of who he was. I think it’s important for Harry to hear this always, but particularly in this moment when he’s dealing with so much uncertainty and pressure, and still just coming off the heels of having basically three quarters of the student body hating him for what they perceived him to have done. But Hagrid also has this really lovely, touching fatherly moment with Harry, saying, “I think you’re going to win. I believe you’re going to win. How are you doing with the egg?”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Laura: And Harry lies again, and this time, he deservedly feels like crap about it because Hagrid is here all teary eyed from crying a whole bunch, but he’s smiling and he’s happy and he’s so proud of Harry, and he believes in him so much. And Harry just feels that pit of guilt in the bottom of his stomach in this moment. I know we’ve all been there.

Andrew: Yes, and it also reminds Hagrid, I think… well, Hagrid is being reminded of why he loves being at Hogwarts and why he should trust Harry, Ron, and Hermione’s opinion when it comes to moving forward after this article. He’s remembering in this moment… he’s past the darkest point with this article, and now he’s like, “Oh.” He’s starting to remember all the good things that come with being at Hogwarts and why he should continue being at Hogwarts. But yes, I think we’ve all been there where somebody asks you how a certain project is going, and you’re like, “Haha, yeah, everything’s fine, it’s good,” and you haven’t even started it, but sometimes you just say that to placate somebody and fake it till you make it.

Micah: And it’s like, did he learn nothing from both the first task and the unexpected task? He’s got two tasks that he’s more or less failed spectacularly at preparing for, and so he’s in the exact same spot he was in just a couple months ago.

Andrew: Yeah, we didn’t even touch on this, but Bagman tries to give him some help in this chapter, and Harry says, “Nope. No, thank you. I don’t need it. I don’t want it, because that would be cheating.”

Liza: Yeah, I honestly used to hate this book because of Harry’s continual procrastination. I think it was painful to me to be like, “Harry, stop procrastinating.” And I mean, at least now I have a little more sympathy because it’s like, wow, he is under such pressure that it’s driving him to a little bit of his worst instincts.

Andrew: Yeah. Harry should be looking into this, but five weeks is still a lot of time. [laughs] That’s a long time.

Laura: It’s not, though.

Micah: It’s plenty of time to take a shower or bath.

[Everyone laughs]

Liza: It’s such a shame. Hermione would’ve helped him… that’s the one, especially… I can understand why he didn’t want Ludo’s help – that could go south fast – but Hermione was a real help.

Andrew: That’s kids, though. That’s adult. You’ve got other stuff going on. I hate to defend Harry here, but I just can’t be like, “Bad Harry for procrastinating,” because we all do it. It’s a miracle when some of us get something done five weeks in advance of the deadline. [laughs]

Laura: Oh, for sure.

Andrew: Who are we to judge?

Liza: Exactly. It’s like, now as an adult I understand the moments of the book that made me the most mad are like, “Oh, because did it remind me of myself? Maybe.”

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: That’s a good point. Although, I will say, I don’t think the penalty for any of us procrastinating in our day-to-day lives is death…

[Liza laughs]

Laura: … so the stakes are a little higher for Harry. But again, that probably drives him to that procrastination, because he’s just trying not to think about it.

Andrew: Yeah. Career death is what we face by procrastinating, but not real death.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Imagine if he would have procrastinated in the next book with Sirius. Then perhaps things would have turned out differently.

Andrew: Wow. Not this soon after Kierra just hit that part of Order of the Phoenix.

Laura: I know.

Micah: [laughs] Oh, yeah. I saw that.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: I can’t wait for my Cousin Harry sweatshirt.

Andrew: Did you order one?

Micah: I did.

Andrew: Oh, sweet.

Laura: I got a shirt.

Micah: We’ve got to all wear them on an upcoming episode.

Laura: I would love that.


Odds & Ends


Laura: Well, let’s get into some odds and ends for this chapter. Micah, you want to kick us off?

Micah: Yeah. Well, speaking of the second task, at least we know that one person seems to be practicing. Now, that’s at least how I read it; we could assume that he just enjoys swimming in the cold Black Lake there, but I do think that he is training for the second task.

Andrew: Yeah, I think you’re right.

Laura: I agree.

Liza: Definitely.

Laura: Hermione’s justification here is kind of weird where she’s like, “Yeah, I mean, it’s a lot colder where he’s from; that probably feels warm to him.” I’m like, “Nah, girl. No.”

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: But speaking of Hermione, she reveals at the start of this chapter that she used Sleekeazy’s hair potion to get her sleek hairstyle for the Yule Ball, and Harry’s ancestor Fleamont Potter is actually the creator of Sleekeazy’s hair potion.

Micah: Ooh.

Liza: I love that.

Laura: Which is ironic that Harry never uses it, because he needs it.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Also, just wanted to give a quick shout-out to Hogwarts Legacy because goblin rebellions are briefly mentioned in this chapter.

Andrew: And I remember there were critics of Hogwarts Legacy who were like, “Why did they decide to make goblin rebellions a focus of this game?” Well, turns out it’s canon.

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: I killed a lot of goblins in that video game.

Andrew: Me too. Sorry, buddies.

Laura: I was using the Unforgivable Curses like crazy, so I just killed a lot of things.

Micah: Everybody?

Andrew: You’re a monster.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Well, speaking of using spells, we do get a mention in this chapter of Dumbledore’s brother Aberforth performing inappropriate charms on goats. I think he also questions Aberforth’s ability to read, which was… [laughs] I did not remember that.

[Andrew laughs]


MVP of the Week


Andrew: And now it’s time for MVP of the Week.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: I was raving a few minutes ago; Dumbledore is getting my MVP of the Week. Albus, not Aberforth. Albus for his wit, his wisdom, and his kindness as Hagrid was very upset about the Rita article. He was a really good friend, a really supportive friend and leader in that moment.

Micah: Got to give it to Hermione for calling that bitch out in front of the whole bar.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: I’m going to give it to Harry. I feel like we never do this, but I’m giving it to him because he could have accepted Bagman’s help, but even though he hates Cedric right now, he didn’t want to have an unfair advantage.

Liza: And I’m going to give it to the unicorns because like the all girls episode, we allow the girls to come to the front for this one.

Laura: Yep, very smart of them to prefer a woman’s touch.

Andrew: Next week’s episode is a Muggle Mail episode, so if you have any feedback about today’s discussion or recent discussions, please send it on in. You can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. All of our contact information, including a contact form, is also available on MuggleCast.com.


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for a Quizzitch, with guest host, Micah Tannenbaum!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Micah: Oh, wow. I didn’t know.

Andrew: Did you know that? Now you do.

Micah: Now I do.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Last week’s Quizzitch question: According to Rita Skeeter, what department at the Ministry would be particularly interested in Hagrid’s Blast-Ended Skrewts?

Andrew: You should’ve said according to that bitch, [laughs] like you did in your MVP award.

Micah: [laughs] No, I’ll only curse one time, and you can bleep me out.

Andrew: All right. “Bitch” is safe.

Micah: Oh, is it?

Andrew: The rule is if it’s in the books, we can say it. But just not crazy amounts.

Micah: Oh, okay. All right, and the correct answer is the Department for the Regulation and Control for Magical Creatures. Correct answers were submitted by All Snapes and Sizes; Draco’s Etsy Shop; DumbledoreTheRizzler4229; Elizabeth K.; Cousin Skeeter, Rita’s cousin from the ’90s, who starred on Nickelodeon where NOBODY was harmed by Blast-Ended Skrewts; Hermione’s pink dress was actually a good movie decision; Micah Micah Micah Micah Vroom Vroom Vroom…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: … Must be a Wheezy; Pop goes the Weasley; Shyam; The Blast-Ended Skrewt that’s loose on Hogwarts grounds; The entirely aboveboard and totally legit Rita Skeeter, who has never done anything remotely dodgy in her life, no siree; The Flobberworm that allegedly bit Crabbe; The Flobberworm who bit Crabbe; The Knights Who Say “Skeet!”…

Andrew: What?!

Micah: … The way Andrew pronounces subsequent is bizarre…

Andrew: Sub-sequent?

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: … and TotallyInnocentBangEndedScoot.

Andrew: Well, that was a unique bunch. That is for sure.

Micah: Next week’s Quizzitch question: The tub in the prefects’ bathroom features roughly how many golden taps? Each presumably doing different things to the water.

Andrew: Okay. All right. [laughs]

Micah: To submit your answer, head over to MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch.

Andrew: Please prepare now for some sub-sequent messages.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: This show is brought to you by Muggles like you. We do not have corporate overlords who control the show and could cancel us at any moment; we’re an indie podcast, and that means we need support from listeners like you. So if you’re an Apple Podcasts user, you can subscribe to MuggleCast Gold, which gets you ad-free, early access to MuggleCast, plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month. We just released a new headcanons installment over on MuggleCast Gold. You can also get bonus MuggleCast installments and ad-free MuggleCast and early access to MuggleCast on our Patreon. Liza is a patron. Patreon.com/MuggleCast is where you can support us, and you’ll get all those benefits I just mentioned, plus livestreams, planning docs, the chance to co-host the show one day, the MuggleCast Collector’s Club – we send out new stickers every year – another new physical gift every year, and a video message from one of the four of us. So lots of great benefits. We lined up so many benefits because we’re so grateful for listener support. Another way to support us is by going to MuggleMillennial.etsy.com, and you can get some of our patron gifts from years past, like a T-shirt, signed album art, wooden cars, and some other items like the MuggleCast beanie and MuggleCast socks. And Micah, what are you and Eric doing this summer?

Micah: Eric and I will be in Portland, Oregon from July 5-7 at the Oregon Convention Center for LeakyCon 2024. We just put out a really fun announcement video in collaboration with LeakyCon on Instagram; thanks to Chloé for helping us edit that all together, but a lot of fun inside jokes there to go and check out. And of course, we’d love to see you out in Portland. Head on over to LeakyCon.com to register, and use code “Muggle” when checking out; you’ll get a nice little discount as a thanks for listening to the show. And of course, plenty of information to come in terms of panels and guests and all that other stuff in the coming weeks.

Andrew: Speaking of summer, a few of us will be in the DC area in August, and we’ll have more details to share as it gets closer. Liza, thank you so much for joining us today.

Liza: You are so welcome. It was an absolute delight. So happy to be here.

Andrew: Aww. Please tell us about your book club one more time.

Liza: Absolutely. So if you find yourself wanting more… we’ve got the book club with this read-along for Goblet of Fire, but if you want more, feel free to follow me on Instagram or Twitter for announcements about upcoming monthly book club meetings as well that will help us travel around the world by reading. So I’m @LizaMunk on Twitter, and @Liza.Munk on Instagram, so we’d love to have you.

Laura: So cool.

Andrew: It’s a great idea because people want to travel the world, but it’s expensive and time-consuming, and now you’re traveling the world through reading. That’s really sweet.

Liza: Thank you.

Andrew: Listeners, we’ll have a link in the show notes as well. Also, visit MuggleCast.com for those show notes, and transcripts, our social media links, our full episode archive, and our favorite episodes. And that does it for this week’s episode. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Liza: And I’m Liza.

Andrew: Bye, everybody.

Laura: Bye, y’all.

Micah: Bye.

Transcript #655

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #655, Hogwarts is an Insecurity Nightmare (GOF Chapter 23, The Yule Ball)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: And I’m Micah.

Andrew: Can you dance like a hippogriff? Because this week we’re proving our emotional span is greater than a teaspoon by covering Hermione’s night at the Yule Ball, and helping us with our discussion this week is friend of the show and Millennial cohost, Taylor Swift super fan…

[Micah and Pam laugh]

Andrew: … Pamela! Welcome back to the show, Pamela.

Pam Gocobachi: Hi, thanks for having me. You’re using my full government name like we haven’t known each other for over ten years. [laughs]

Eric: Taylor Swift Fan is your government name?

[Andrew laughs]

Pam: Yes, it’s my new middle name. [laughs]

Andrew: I had to mention Taylor Swift because it’s release eve for Taylor’s next studio album.

Eric: Oh.

Pam: It is. Happy Tortured Poets Department Eve for all who celebrate with me. [laughs]

Andrew: Aw, we’re excited for you. I’ll be listening at 9:00 p.m. Pacific tonight; I’m sure you will be as well.

Pam: Thank you. I appreciate the support.

Andrew: Of course, of course! We’ll have a little listening party here.

Eric: I think I’m finally understanding a joke from the most recent Slug Club hangout where there was a Dead Poets Society reference?

Andrew: Yes. [laughs]

Eric: Is Tortured Poets a Taylor Swift thing? Okay.

Andrew: Yep. Yeah, I noticed that went over your head during the Slug Club hangout. [laughs]

Eric: I’m sorry; it’s easy to do at times. But she’s from my hometown, so I love seeing new albums from her.

Pam: Oh, from… what is it? Isn’t she from Reading? That’s a small town. That’s her Christmas tree farm town.

Andrew: That’s where SiriusBlack423 is from as well.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Actually, let’s turn our attention to Eric. We should also acknowledge that his birthday is actually the release day of this show, so happy birthday, Eric.

Micah: Happy birthday.

Eric: Hey, thank you. Thank you, Andrew. Thank you, Micah. It’s very kind; appreciate it. Another year gone.

Andrew: [laughs] Yep, that’s pretty much how it goes these days.

Eric: But happy to celebrate a little early and spend time with you guys.

Andrew: Yeah. Well, listeners, if you’re new to the show, Accio that follow or subscribe button so you never miss an episode, which we release every Tuesday. We are your Harry Potter friends who are just having fun talking about Harry Potter every week. This is kind of like a book club. I see it as a book club, a cool book club with sound effects.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: And we also love getting your feedback. Here’s what Lars DM’ed us on Instagram about last week’s episode: They said, “In reference to today’s episode on McGonagall being ignorant or dismissive of the pressures of kids asking someone to the ball, my theory is that Minerva was just a bad bitch at Hogwarts and pulled whoever, whenever.”

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Pam: That’s an incredible visual.

Eric: Do they mean when it was time for her to dance, to get a partner for a dance, she just, fwoop?

Andrew: I think so.

Eric: Okay. Okay.

Andrew: Minerva’s got style, as Kingsley would say.

Eric: She’s very assertive. It’s very Gryffindor.

Andrew: Yes.

Pam: Y’all know what pulling means, right?

Eric: Absolutely not.

Pam: She had mad game. Like, she was that B. So pulling is like hitting on someone.

Andrew: Yes.

Eric: Ohh. I feel like I’m very grateful that you’re here to explain these difficult concepts to me.

[Pam laughs]

Micah: I’m glad Pam is just here for this episode in general.

Eric: Honestly, yeah, between Laura last week explaining rizz…

Pam: Oh, y’all didn’t know what rizz was either?

Andrew: Eric didn’t. I did.

Micah: I didn’t.

Eric: He was pulling Angelina for the Yule Ball.

Pam: There you go. See? You said it right. Perfect.

Eric: I can use it in context.

Andrew: My first experience hearing the phrase “pulling” was over in a London club with old MuggleCast cohost Jamie.

Pam: It’s a very Brit phrase but new to the US within the last, I would say, two or three years.

Andrew: Oh, okay, so it finally hopped the pond. But a girl tried to pull me, and I didn’t know what it meant at the time, but I should have been more appreciative in the moment.

Pam: Oh, man. Bad luck for her.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: But hey, speaking of Instagram, we are very close to hitting 10,000 followers on Instagram. So listeners, if you could just take a quick moment to follow us on Instagram if you don’t already, our username is @MuggleCast. Give us a follow. And the reason I’m asking is because when we do hit 10,000 followers, we actually get access to additional features on Instagram, so we would love to access those, and if you could help us out there by just giving us a quick follow, it would mean a lot to us.

Micah: And while we’re calling people out here, I just wanted to mention in the Discord, Katie – whose Bonjoro message we read last week on the show – is enjoying over on our Discord as one of our patrons.

Andrew: Oh, great.

Micah: So welcome, Katie.

Andrew: And another reason to follow us on Instagram, you get to see us. You ever wonder what we look like? Head over to the Instagram and you’ll find out. We still get messages from people; they’re like, “Oh, I didn’t think you guys looked like that at all when I finally saw one of your video clips.” [laughs] “I didn’t expect you to look like that.”

Pam: That’s terrifying. [laughs]

Andrew: Thanks, I guess. [laughs] Look at me in my Barbie hat on our Instagram today.

Eric: Aww.

Micah: You are Kenough, Andrew. You really are.

Andrew: Oh, thank you, Micah. I’m going to cry.

Micah: But you knew that before.

Andrew: [laughs] Right, because I bought a hat to tell me as much.

Micah: No, no, before the hat.

Andrew: Oh, okay. All right.

Micah: Way before the hat.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: All right, well, it’s time for Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Goblet of Fire Chapter 23, “The Yule Ball,” and we’ll start like we always do with our Seven-Word Summary.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Micah: Hormones…

Andrew: … fly…

Eric: … amok…

Pam: … at…

Micah: … Hogwarts’s…

Andrew: … big…

Eric: … holiday.

Andrew: Okay, cool.

Micah: We got a lot of H’s in there. A lot of alliteration.

Andrew: Hormones, Hogwarts, holiday. That’s the episode title: “Hormones, Hogwarts, holiday.”

[Everyone laughs]


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Eric: Ah. Well, maybe we’ll change one of those words to “Hermione,” because I have to say that this chapter, which largely focuses – in a continuation from last week – about the interpersonal relations between boys and girls at Hogwarts, this chapter really comes to a head. All of that stuff that was set up last week continues on and comes to a head; the boys have dates for a ball, boys being Harry and Ron, and now the Yule Ball actually happens on Christmas Day. But I wanted to take a moment because I think that part of the benefit of discussing these chapters when we’re older, you can begin to appreciate different viewpoints and different perspectives other than what we just get with the narration that’s centered on Harry, and a big way in which that experience is true this chapter is to really focus on all of the various things that happen to Hermione in this chapter, and I just wanted to really begin a Hermione appreciation discussion because of each of the things in this chapter. We know that it boils to a head between Hermione and Ron, Ron who cannot admit his feelings for her, but separate from Ron’s toxicity, there’s also just a lot more going on with Hermione that I think we should spend time to talk about. So I’m very just impressed by Hermione in this, especially because she has revealed at the end of last chapter that she does have somebody for the Yule Ball, but she won’t, for some reason, say who it is, and despite Ron’s attempts to trip her up, she’s steadfast. She’s like, “Nope, I am not going to tell you.”

Andrew: It is surprising that she keeps the secret for so long. I believe in this chapter she says she was afraid they were going to make fun of her. This is a cool guy; this is one of the four people in the Triwizard Tournament. He’s a very successful Quidditch player. There’s nothing to be ashamed of here.

Eric: Well, he’s a hot commodity.

Andrew: He’s a hot Krummodity.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: That’s the episode title. There we go. A hot Krummodity. He is, and this really does speak… you hit it on the head, Andrew, when she says that she’s afraid they’d make fun of her. Who’s she talking about? She’s talking about her closest friends of four years now, namely Harry and Ron. I think she probably thinks Ron, but it says something that she can’t just be honest with them.

Andrew: It is a good question, too, and Justin just brought this up in the Discord: Krum didn’t tell anyone either? That’s surprising. Did they have a little pact? Like, “Let’s keep it a big secret”?

Pam: Maybe. I almost wonder if this was kind of misstated on the author’s part, because Harry and Ron making fun of her seems out of character, given that they’re all freaking out about trying to find dates for the Yule Ball, and I almost wonder if maybe it would have made more sense if she had just said, “You won’t believe me if I told you.” Or maybe what she was really saying is that she was worried about like, if she tells Ron and Harry, then it’ll get out and then she’ll have to deal with other people making fun of the situation, because we know that she’s really ridiculed by the Slytherins in general, and we see at least at the beginning of the book the Durmstrang students are sitting with the Slytherins, and she probably doesn’t want to create a situation where all her date is hearing is about how much she sucks, basically, in their eyes.

Eric: Well, right, it’s not up to the school. And yet, you’re right; if she had announced it earlier or if word got around, they’d be going to Viktor and telling him all the horrible things about Hermione, why he shouldn’t be taking her. It’s unfortunately an aspect of socialization.

Pam: Yeah, that’s the nature of high school, right? Everybody judges you for who you like or don’t like, or who you’re dating or not dating, or who’s hooking up with who.

Eric: Yeah. I had the notion just a moment ago that given Hermione’s secret of last year that she kept the entire year, maybe keeping this secret about who she’s taking to the Yule Ball was easier for her. But maybe it wasn’t. And also, I think, particularly what it’s sad about that she’s had to keep this close to the vest, is that she had a really wonderful thing happen to her, which is that Viktor Krum, this internationally renowned Quidditch star, of the most recent Quidditch World Cup, has apparently been interested in her, been courting her, been trying to meet up with her in the library. We find out that the reason he’s coming into the library throughout this first part of the year is to get to know her better, and at some point, he manages to sneak away from his entourage and actually ask Hermione, this bookish nerd, to the biggest, most prestigious dance of the year. I feel so glad for Hermione, that somebody somewhere notices her and is like, “You’re not like the other girls.”

Micah: It makes me wonder, would anybody have been above criticism on the part of Ron? We can put Harry aside. And this goes back to what you were saying a little bit earlier, where Hermione has this insecurity that she’s going to be made fun of. But I’m wondering, is there any eligible bachelor out there that Hermione could have chosen that would have been above Ron’s criticism? Maybe Harry, but that’s about it.

Pam: Maybe Fred and George, because I just think he’s scared of them.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Pam: He wouldn’t… yeah.

Andrew: He would still be jealous, though.

Pam: He would still be mad. But yeah, I don’t think he would have said as much, because he knows they would have jinxed him or slipped him a Canary Cream or something worse.

Eric: People who could control and manhandle Ron into not complaining would be the right choice. But we’re going to talk plenty about Ron and his awful behavior later; for now I want to talk about what about Hermione stood out to Viktor. It’s so odd that she gets noticed for her good qualities. To Harry and Ron, she’s sort of just their friend forever.

Andrew: Well, I guess it comes back to the library. Krum has seen Hermione in the library and maybe respects how studious she is and how seemingly organized she is. She’s probably coming off as more mature.

Eric: I agree, and that’s just not noticed enough, I think, or called out enough. This example of Krum sort of off the page behind the scenes inviting her and her going as the date of one of the champions – and not Harry – really speaks to Hermione’s, I want to say, aptitude at stuff, and the way that she cleans up for the ball and really stuns everyone because she was able to keep the secret, and everyone is stunned to see her there and the transformation really speaks to, I think, how beautiful she has been on the inside, and I just feel so happy for her.

Pam: I think we have to take the text in the context of when it was written, which is the ’90s, so part of the idea of this really hot Quidditch star noticing the brainy girl is because she’s not like the other girls, right? She’s not giggling and following him around; she’s not paying him any mind. If anything, she’s just scowling in his direction because his presence is a nuisance to her as somebody who wants to study, but I also just feel like I don’t think it’s out of the ordinary that maybe he just thought she was legitimately cute as she was.

Andrew: Yeah, of course.

Pam: Maybe Hogwarts has not seen it, but there’s different beauty standards in different parts of the world. Maybe he saw her and he was like, “She’s super cute, and she’s brainy. Yeah, I would like to get to know her better.”

Micah: It’s also interesting how she gets an initial read on Krum that’s totally off-base, because she looks at him as being this superstar with all of these followers as he’s walking around Hogwarts, but the truth is, he doesn’t really want those people following him around, and one of the ways that he maybe is able to get a little bit of refuge is by going into the library, and he happens upon Hermione.

Pam: She’s also just predisposed not to care. I think he knows, he’s well aware she’s friends with Harry and sees Harry for who he is outside of his fame…

Eric: Ooh.

Pam: … and so he probably appreciates that she’s not enchanted by his celebrity status, that if she says yes and she agrees to spend time with him, she’s going to be invested in who he is as a person and not what he’s famous for.

Andrew: The whole situation is giving me a little Beauty and the Beast, just because it’s an unexpected romance, and here’s the pretty girl and then there’s the broodish fellow. And I also started fan-casting, so Harry is Lumière, Ron is Cogsworth, Draco is Gaston…

[Eric and Pam laugh]

Andrew: … and Molly is Mrs. Potts, obviously.

Eric: Yes, that’s not negotiable. Are we going to Max that, Andrew?

Andrew: Sure, we can Max that. Beauty and the Beast episode of Goblet of Fire, yeah.

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

[Pam laughs]

Andrew: Something kind of fascinating in this chapter is that Hermione teaches Krum how to properly pronounce her name, and I think this couple of paragraphs may have been a major learning experience for readers, too. I used to pronounce it like Krum, “Hermy-own,” prior to getting to this chapter.

Pam: Me too.

Andrew: Yeah. I think Laura has admitted this as well. And it makes me wonder if J.K. Rowling’s editors requested that she put in something like this to help people understand how to pronounce “Hermione.”

Eric: It definitely strikes me as being… I mean, it was very helpful. I came into the series after the movie so I didn’t have this issue, but it’s an almost universal experience where at least 50% or more of people who read it first said, “Yeah, that was me,” so it is useful. And it’s interesting, because how to work that in in an organic way… by the year 2000 when this book came out, Harry Potter was popular enough that I bet plenty of people were saying it out loud maybe during news coverage of book releases or something, and they were saying it wrong.

Andrew: “Hermy-own!”

Pam: And this would have been before the movies, right? So we wouldn’t have even had that to help.

Micah: The other way of looking at it is, “Of course the foreign dumb jock can’t pronounce her name.”

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: Right, well, that’s why it works.

Andrew: His English is broken, so yeah, exactly.

Micah: No, but I actually really like this, Andrew. I’m willing to add a plus one to this idea about the name pronunciation, because we all struggled even with Seamus, too; people would call him “Seem-us.” People still do.

Pam: Oh, yeah. That was probably very much an American thing, too, because isn’t that a very Irish name? Right? Seamus?

Andrew: Well, to that point, are you referring to the Kierra Lewis video? She got called out; people were saying she was pronouncing it wrong and she was like, “Everybody, stop!” [laughs]

Pam: Oh, I saw that and I was like, “Bless.” And then I also felt like a lot of people were too hard on her, because everyone did that. I know I also was pronouncing it “Seem-us” when I was reading it as a kid.

Andrew: But who cares if she’s pronouncing it wrong? Honestly, whatever. She’s enjoying the books; leave her alone. People still mispronounce J.K. Rowling. I hear “J.K. Rowling” [pronounces “Row” like “Ow”] all the time still.

Pam: Well, to give an example of something that happened on this show, when we had our girls takeover, we couldn’t figure out how to pronounce Merope. We couldn’t decide if it was [pronounces it “Mer-ope”] Merope or [pronounces it “Mer-oh-pee”] Merope.

Eric: That’s right!

Pam: So yeah, and it had just been so long since any of us had heard the audiobooks, we were like, “Who knows what Jim Dale is saying?” But I would have taken his word for it.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Andrew: As someone who mispronounces things all the time, I just want to say I think it’s okay if we all mispronounce things from time to time.

Eric: It’s a mark of Hermione’s character, too, that she tries with Viktor, and he tries and he doesn’t quite get it but she’s like, “It’s good enough.” She just must be on cloud nine and kind of beside herself just for this experience. It turns out there’s a lot more to Viktor than what she was thinking. And speaking of Hermione’s glow-up, in terms of turning a really bad situation into a good one, we learn that Draco’s recent attack on her in front of the Potions classroom, where her teeth were enlarged, actually turned into Hermione taking more control over her physical appearance. And basically, she went to the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey put a spell on them to reduce the size of her teeth, and her teeth – which were long a point of anxiety in body image issues for Hermione – she kind of let Madame Pomfrey keep going and make them a little bit more conventionally normal-sized, whatever the case might be. Learning this about Hermione, you see kind of… because body image issues come up so little in these books. There’s plenty of diverse body types, but very rarely do you hear people getting down on themselves for body issues, and I think it’s really important that we get this moment from Hermione, where she says, “This thing about myself, I fixed it.” And I don’t know, I’m just so moved by hearing this story every time.

Andrew: Yeah, because with kids, teens, adults in the Muggle world, obviously people struggle with lots of body issues because of the media; you see these perfect bodies on magazine covers, online, on social media now. Hermione, I guess, should be more insulated from all of that being at Hogwarts, because you’re not getting… you don’t have the Internet, for example. But I think this just illustrates how it’s such a big issue, because as we see throughout this series, and even in this chapter, Draco is making fun of Hermione. Other people might be making fun of Hermione, too, that we don’t see from Harry’s perspective.

Eric: Yeah. I mean, even the teachers; Snape said, “I don’t see a difference” when she had been attacked.

Andrew: Yeah, even the frickin’ professors. Or one of them is.

Eric: Yeah, it’s awful. And on the one hand, I’m like, “What does the most academically successful student at Hogwarts -” let’s say all seven years; Hermione is just probably the best student “- what does she care about her looks? What does she care about what others think?” But it’s inescapable when you’re in a school setting like this to think and care what others think about you and your appearance.

Pam: I would also point out that this is not the first time that she’s shown vulnerability in terms of what people think, because before she becomes friends with Harry and Ron, we do see her struggling with the fact that she can’t make friends, that nobody likes her. And you just have to think about what else she must have heard about herself, and how down on herself she must have been to reach the point where she’s running away to cry in the bathroom for hours because she can’t find anyone that’ll connect with her.

Micah: It’s clearly something that has bothered her, though, for a period of time, and it is somewhat ironic given that her parents are dentists that she hasn’t looked to them – even though she’s had conversations with them about how she doesn’t like her teeth – that she ultimately relies on magic to correct the situation, as opposed to maybe something her parents could have done as she was growing up to help with this situation.

Pam: I’m sure that’s part of her insecurity. If you have parents that are dentists, they’re probably always like, “Oh, your teeth are kind of bad, but don’t worry, honey, we’ll fix them when you’re old enough.”

[Micah and Pam laugh]

Eric: “It’s going to take 18 months, and we’re going to have to make monthly adjustments.”

Micah: Oh, God. That was terrible.

Eric: For anybody with braces, it’s just the worst ever experience.

Pam: I never had braces, but it looks awful. [laughs]

Andrew: Hermione says, “My parents want me to use braces instead of magic,” and actually, that got me thinking, are her parents getting a kickback from big dental by getting her braces?

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Like, what’s the big deal if she does magic instead of using braces?

Eric: Well, and again, talk about an 18 month fix versus a five second one, right?

Andrew: Yeah, yeah!

Eric: There’s just some things that magic does better. I don’t blame Hermione at all for this.

Andrew: And there’s bullying that can come with wearing braces, unfortunately, but that’s just a thing that can happen sometimes.

Eric: Yep.

Micah: This may be a conversation for another time, but is there no actual limitation on these types of adjustments? I was thinking that her teeth would revert back to their normal state after Madam Pomfrey’s work wore off, let’s say six months down the line.

Eric: Right.

Micah: Because I would assume any of these charms only have a certain amount of staying power, that they don’t last, inevitably.

Andrew: That’s interesting.

Pam: Maybe it’s different for healing charms, though. Because you wouldn’t want to fix someone’s arm and then have it break six months later again.

Micah: Unless you’re Lockhart.

Eric: Right. Well, and teeth are what, bones, basically? So maybe there’s a difference in how they get affected, whether a spell wears off. It’s not necessarily Transfiguration, which would probably wear off.

Andrew: Pam, you mentioned insecurities, and I just wanted to call out that this chapter has a theme of insecurities. Hermione wants better-looking teeth, Ron loses Hermione to Krum, and we’ll get to this in a little bit, but Ron explaining to Harry about the stigmas around half-giants, and Madame Maxime being outraged at being called a half-giant. This chapter is just full of insecurities and it’s just… it happens in life. We’re all insecure about certain things.

Eric: It’s such a good call-out, too, about that being a theme in this chapter. And Hermione rarely dresses nice or does anything with her hair, but this was the occasion where she said, “I’m going to put the effort in,” and the whole school… now I can’t not picture a ’90s rom-com with a song playing in the background.

Pam: Sixpence is playing in the background as she comes down the great staircase. [laughs]

Eric: Yes! “Kiss Me” is playing.

Andrew: [singing] “Kiss me…”

[Eric and Pam laugh]

Eric: The whole school is wowed. This is like Carrie before Ron drops the bucket.

Pam: Oh no. [laughs]

Eric: “You love me. You really love me.” It’s very beautiful and wonderful. She spends about three hours on it – she leaves at 5:00, the ball starts at 8:00 – and her finished look causes everyone to turn their heads. And it’s like, yeah, that trope of the caterpillar is turned into a butterfly or whatever now. It’s crazy. But I’m looking at it from less of a trope-y genre perspective and just saying, “Good for Hermione.” She doesn’t do this often, but this was her night to celebrate herself. This was her night to…

Micah: People like to dress up and have a good time. I think that’s the biggest piece that we’re taking away from her here is just, this is just a night to kick back, relax, have some fun, and that’s exactly what she ends up doing. And Eric, you mentioned the fact that she’s turning heads; even Draco and Pansy cannot think of anything bad to say as they walk past Hermione.

Andrew: And Harry doesn’t even recognize her.

Eric: That’s right!

Micah: [laughs] Some girl with Viktor Krum.

Pam: Yeah, he’s like, “Some pretty girl that I don’t know.”

Andrew: Speaking of insecurities, when you dress up for a dance some of those insecurities disappear because you spend so much time working on your appearance. You look at yourself in the mirror in that blue dress or in that suit, and you’re like, “Damn, I look good.”

Eric: Yeah, that confidence. I mean, and Draco, who is stunned originally, I think comes back and tries to say something, and Hermione is riding such a high from how happy she is that she is able to even get Draco back. She’s like, “Oh, Professor Moody! What’s going on?” And he flips around and he does a double take, and it’s just very… she’s so confident, and I love it. I wish it could last all night long.

Pam: Just one more thing I want to say before we move on is that I think that what is truly beautiful about the entire story arc for her – until it gets messed up – is that she is secure in herself to choose not to continue doing the whole getting ready thing every day, despite how much attention it gets her.

Eric: Right.

Pam: Because she’s just like, “It’s too much effort. It’s not me every day. I loved doing it this one time; maybe I’ll do it again, but I’m happy to just exist as myself outside of the confines of this special occasion.”

Eric: Yeah, she tells Harry that in the next chapter, I think. Yeah, it’s a good point, too, that she’s not transfixed and addicted to the popularity. So at the ball, Hermione is pure, graceful, wonderful, amazing. The opposite of all of those traits is Ron Weasley, who from the moment that he sees Hermione is incapable of happiness for her. He sees who she’s with, and I think we know what’s going on here. He is extremely jealous and cannot control the level of emotions that he’s feeling. But I want to go further than that: He essentially makes his entire evening about ruining Hermione’s evening, and this is a very… I’ve mentioned the word toxic, but this is a very horrible thing to do for somebody that’s been your friend and confidant for four years. This goes beyond interpersonal romance, whatever, whatever. Ron is awful to Hermione.

Micah: Yeah. And he’s not just awful to Hermione, he’s awful to his date, as well.

Eric: Yeah!

Micah: Now, she goes off and seemingly has a good time – good for her that she recognized the situation – but it really starts earlier on in the chapter; there’s a point where I think Ron is leaving Gryffindor tower and Dean and Seamus make a comment, basically, “How’d you get the two hottest girls in school to go to the ball with you?” And he says something along the lines – which is totally out of character for Ron – he’s like, “Animal magnetism, baby.”

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: And it’s just something you’d almost expect out of Fred or George or another character. But it is telling that Harry and Ron do take two of the most physically attractive girls to the ball, but end up paying them little to no attention. They’re so caught up with the girls that they’re really interested in having a good time with other people that they really fail to have a good time themselves. So Ron’s attitude, his jealousy, has multiple areas of impact, not just on Hermione.

Eric: Completely, completely agree. And to your point, too, Harry is not exempt from some criticism here in this chapter. Ron’s behavior catches Harry off guard, but he just does not have the skills to combat or deescalate what his friend is doing. They’re both guilty of not showing their partners a good time, and in fact, after Harry has to do the first dance, the champions’ first dance, Parvati wants to dance to the very next song that comes on; she says, “This is a good one,” and Harry is just like, “No, I’m done. We’re sitting down now.”

[Micah and Pam laugh]

Eric: Harry takes her all the way and then doesn’t dance with her. Again, this is a difficult lesson to learn when you’re a teenager, but guess what, guys? Girls are people too.

Andrew: What.

Eric: Andrew, I’m going to blow your mind right now. Girls are people too.

[Micah and Pam laugh]

Eric: And they deserve a good time. There’s no effort at all that these two boys spend at all with these girls that agreed to go to the ball with them, at all.

Andrew: Right. Yeah, I mean, when you invite somebody to a dance, you are expected to be with them that entire time. You’re not supposed to leave them for dead. It was just… there are so many sour grapes happening between Harry and Ron. I was also wondering, well, first of all, we talk about Ron being jealous, but I think Ron is also just mad at himself for not realizing he should have asked Hermione and asked her a lot sooner. We know from the last chapter he wasn’t even thinking of asking her; it just seemed so far fetched of an idea because they were friend zoned at the time?

Pam: Well, my question for you is do you think that he didn’t ask her because he’s never seen her really as a girl, or do you think he didn’t ask her because he was worried about what other people would think? And the only reason that I say that is because they’re nitpicking all of these girls in the process of trying to figure out who to ask, and it’s almost like nobody’s good enough. They talk about Eloise Midgen and her acne, and they talk about another girl who’s too tall, and then one whose nose is apparently not centered enough. And I just think given how much crap Hermione takes day to day at Hogwarts, specifically from the Slytherin students alone, I just wonder if he would have been too insecure to ask her anyway, even if he was in tune with his feelings for her.

Micah: He doesn’t treat her the best even when he is trying to court her. He has that line, “Hermione, you’re a girl.”

Pam: [laughs] I know.

Micah: So to your point, Pam, I don’t know that he would have even really thought of asking her if the opportunity presented itself, because I think he would find something about her to not live up to whatever expectation level he seems to have inside of his head for what his date should look like.

Pam: And I also just think if that was his way of trying to play it too cool, he played it way too cool. He would have been better off just being like, “Hey, we’re friends. We should just go together.”

Eric: Oh, there you go.

Pam: And then he could have turned on the charm a little bit. Boys are so dumb, though, especially at this age…

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: They are. All ages, Pam. All ages.

Pam: … that I’m not even surprised that he thought that the best way to get… that’s true. I’m trying to give you guys a little bit of a benefit of the doubt.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: No need.

Pam: But he just decided that… I can just see it now. He was thinking in his head; he’s like, “How am I going to do this?” And then he was like, “Oh, I’ll just pretend like it doesn’t matter,” and then his answer is to come up with, “Hey by the way, you’re a girl. Maybe we should go together because I’m a boy.” [laughs]

Eric: That would have been so great if that just worked, but it doesn’t for obvious reasons. It’s not authentic. It’s not genuine. It’s not… no girl wants to be asked, like Hermione says, as a last resort. No girl wants, “Oh, you can help us, your friends, out of a tight spot, can’t you?”

Micah: “Help our cause.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: “Help us out again, Hermione.”

Eric: Yeah. So let’s talk about that a little bit more, because… and I think to answer your question, Pam, Ron is so not in touch with what his feelings even are about the situation, that he is so many steps away from being able to handle the situation that he’s faced with correctly. There’s no… it’s the same thing that happens to him with Quidditch much later, where he really needs to get a handle on what’s going on in his head if he’s ever going to beat how his behavior – or in that case, performance – is affecting all of his relationships. So particularly in conversation with Hermione… and again, props to Hermione, because she chooses many deescalation methods when finally it becomes clear that he’s angry with her. She attempts to talk to him and have a reasonable conversation, and unfortunately, nothing that she tries works.

Andrew: I do also wonder if Ron was a little jealous that his two besties are part of the elite champions group at the dance, and he’s the odd man out.

Eric: Ohh.

Andrew: He’s always been a sort of odd man out, whether it be with the family or at school. I can imagine feeling left out when your two best friends… the other two people in your friend circle are at a higher level that night.

Pam: I never thought about it that way. I always just figured that it’s the classic friends to lovers trope where usually it’s one falls first and the other doesn’t realize until it’s almost too late, and I just feel like he probably panicked when he realized Hermione was serious about having a date. He just thought she was going to be, in the words of my Lord and Savior Taylor Swift, right where he left her. [laughs]

Eric: Wow, that is poetic. That is profound. It’s tragic and poetic.

Pam: It really is.

Andrew: From a poet department, in fact. Out April 19.

[Pam laughs]

Eric: Oh, I thought it was society. Damn. You finished it, Andrew. You threaded the needle. Thank you.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, so let’s talk about the confrontation here with Hermione and Ron, because again, she tries to deescalate. She points out, and rightly so, that it was in fact Ron who wanted Viktor Krum’s autograph!

Micah: She can get it now.

Pam: Well, not with that attitude, she can’t.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: That’s true.

Eric: No autograph for you!

Pam: Right.

Micah: Well, if he played his cards right is what I’m saying.

Eric and Pam: Yeah.

Pam: He should have been real happy for them and then maybe she would have done him a solid.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Eric: Well, she’s smart enough to point out the contradiction in his behavior now, and she is not at present bothered by it, but he begins to question… it’s bad enough that he’s questioning her date and whether he looks good enough or whatever, whatever, whatever. He actually starts questioning Hermione’s integrity, Hermione’s character, in saying yes to Viktor. He accuses Hermione of letting Krum be a spy, and essentially, in so doing, when he says things like “Krum is just trying to get the clue to the egg,” or “Krum is just trying to get close to Harry through you,” it completely invalidates Hermione’s good qualities that cause Viktor to ask her to begin with. That’s the problem I have with it, is that it downplays Hermione’s attractiveness. It downplays that Hermione is a fetch, a good catch.

Andrew: Yes. No, you’re right, but I will try to defend Ron here for a second. I do think some of his concerns could be valid. It’s just that if looking at the bigger picture…

Micah: It’s the delivery.

Andrew: Yes, yeah. Looking at the bigger picture, Hermione has every reason to be annoyed at Ron. However, Hermione could potentially help Krum, because we know she’s good at helping Harry and Ron. Also, we and the trio are suspicious of Karkaroff, and I wouldn’t put past Karkaroff him telling Krum to try and get close to Hermione to maybe get some secrets about Harry or something, and Cedric.

Eric: Well, yeah, the only reason that doesn’t work is because earlier in the chapter Karkaroff tells Krum off for giving too much information to Hermione about the castle, about how Durmstrang works.

Andrew: Yeah, but you can’t trust him, I don’t think. He could just be blowing smoke up Dumbledore’s booty.

Eric: Yeah. Well, Hermione says to Ron, “How could you think that I would ever betray Harry? How could you think that?” And I think that’s fair.

Andrew: And that’s true, yeah. That’s a good counterpoint.

Eric: She has the choice to make that kind of a call for herself. She’s smart enough. And it’s just… Ron is telling her, “You’re not attractive and you’re not smart enough to spot something that’s disingenuous; you’re too caught up in your emotions.” Meanwhile, here’s the most emotional boy of all time being so emotional over here.

Micah: He’s caught up in the moment, and he’s looking for anything that he can say that will justify his position. And I think the phrase that stands out to me – it was in the movie and it’s in the book – which is just so over the top is “fraternizing with the enemy.” Positioning Krum as being an enemy, and the fact that Hermione would align herself with somebody – and this was just brought up – that is anti-Harry, or would put Harry’s best interests at such a low level, it just really does not paint Ron in a good light at all.

Pam: Yeah. It’s wild that he decides to flip that because he’s jealous, because if he weren’t jealous, he would have been like, “Oh, yeah, Hermione, that’s great. Keep fraternizing with the enemy, and then you can report back and tell us what his strategy is going to be for the second task.”

Micah: Right.

Pam: But his brain is so caught up in the fact that he can’t stand to see her with someone else. Somebody that he thinks is better than him, too, right? In his head he’s thinking, “How can I compete with that?” And that’s part of the issue.

Eric: Yeah, Viktor is not Hogwarts’s or Harry’s enemy; Viktor is Ron’s personal enemy, because he has what Ron wants.

Micah: Here’s a question, though: Who is he more jealous of? Krum or Hermione?

Pam: Ooh, that’s a good question. [laughs]

Andrew: Krum, because Krum is with Hermione at the dance, I think.

Eric: Yeah, I don’t think he has enough emotional intelligence to be jealous of Hermione for what she has, because I think he sees it as her traits and not anyone’s traits. That’s wild, though. That’s a wild question.

Micah: It’s a very jealous-based book for Ron. I mean, he’s jealous of Harry just a few chapters before this.

Eric: That’s right, and that’s a good point that you point that out. And I would be interested as we move along to the next couple chapters in seeing how this friendship issue between Ron and Hermione resolves, whether Hermione really does just get the last word of this chapter, whether Ron ever apologizes or tries to make it up to Hermione, because the more I go through this chapter, the more I’m like, “Oh, Ron’s behavior is actually really unacceptable.” And he succeeds in bringing her down. That’s the real problem here, is that apart from a friendly quarrel, apart from any valid criticisms – which Ron has none – he just ruins everything. Now, it is a movie-ism, but when Hermione is like, “You’ve ruined everything,” that’s exactly what happens in the book, in terms of he really does manage to take Hermione’s moment to shine and make it feel like garbage.

Pam: I always loved that scene in the movie, too, because I think it’s so realistic to how things often turn out when you go to school dances in middle school and high school. There’s always girls crying in the bathroom.

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Eric: My heart just broke for you, Pam.

Pam: I know you guys aren’t in the girls’ bathroom at school dances, but trust me, as a girl who used to be in the school bathroom with friends at dances…

Micah: Moody might be looking in, but we’ll talk about that later.

Pam: [laughs] Right, exactly. Yeah, I just feel like that’s such a real touchstone just to see Hermione crying on the staircase, and then there’s two other girls crying to the side of her. It’s like, “Yeah, that makes sense, so much sense for the age that they are.”

Eric: Boys. But yeah, I guess do we have anything more to say about Harry through these chapters? He’s kind of bemused. He doesn’t really know.

Micah: I give him credit, and I say that because he’s being put in a really tough situation by Ron here, and I don’t think that Ron is necessarily Harry’s responsibility. First and foremost, he has way too much on his plate to begin with, and I think what we see go down in the common room was inevitable based on how the night was going. And Harry does note that he feels Hermione got the point much better than Ron had at the end of the chapter; that’s the line. And earlier, he actually says out loud in front of Ron he had no problem with Hermione going to the ball with Krum, so I’m not sure how much more Harry could have done to deescalate the situation. If anything, Ron helps deescalate the situation by him and Harry going out into the courtyard.

Andrew: Yeah, and Harry also notes at the end of this chapter that he’s too glad to be on speaking terms with Ron to rock the boat again. They just got back together, so he’s just kind of going to take a step back.

Eric: Yeah. As much as I understand exactly why Harry chooses that, that doesn’t support his friendship with Hermione. That goes against his… you have an obligation to… yeah, he doesn’t want to call out Ron, but Ron is ruining Hermione’s evening, and Hermione is the friend that stuck with Harry. Harry has an equal obligation to not bring up something with Ron as much as he does to defend Hermione. It’s just… everyone’s 14 here.

Pam: I’m with you, though, Eric. I wish he would have done more, but I understand why he didn’t. But my only hope is that maybe a conversation happened off camera, so to speak, where he tried to deescalate a little bit because I don’t think it’s fair.

Andrew: That’s what I was going to say. Just go to Hermione in private and be like, “Look, I don’t agree with Ron. He’s acting all nuts right now; he’s just mad that he didn’t ask you. But I’m on your side, Hermione, and I don’t stand by anything Ron has been doing.” He could have just done that.

Eric: Yeah. No, that makes a lot of sense. And before we wrap up the things that happen at the ball, I did want to call out this other opportunity to talk about the experience of Hogwarts for girls. But Mad-Eye Moody comes by and compliments Harry on his socks that he got from Dobby, which are mismatched. And he’s dancing with Parvati at the time, so it’s just the first dance, the obligatory one. [laughs] And Harry is like, “Oh, thanks.” And Parvati says to Harry, “He’s creepy. His eye makes me uncomfortable; it probably shouldn’t be allowed at Hogwarts.” And it’s such a passing comment that offers, I think, a rare but very important insight into the implications of what Moody’s eye can do or how he’s using it, because if he’s looking at Harry’s socks, which are concealed through his pants…

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Hey, you’re right.

Eric: I’m sorry. Actually, I can’t agree enough, actually, that Parvati has reason to be made uncomfortable.

Micah: Everybody on the dance floor has reason to be uncomfortable.

[Micah and Pam laugh]

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Andrew: Why can he see through the pants but not through the socks? Is he fine-tuning the layers? Like, you can turn off one layer?

Eric: He’s got to choose the focus.

Andrew: Yeah, that’s creepy. I mean, she’s right. I don’t think she’s thinking of it that deeply, though; I think she’s just like, “Wow, that eye? That’s weird. Eugh. What’s going on with that?”

Eric: Yeah, she might just be thinking about how it rotates in its socket a bit.

Andrew: But reading this as adults, yeah, you could take this at a whole different level, and you’re right.

Eric: That’s why this chapter has so much for adults, I think. This is the one chapter that goes really into gender relations and the experience of being teens who have to find a date and just all this stuff, so I thought I’d mention it. And definitely, if it were really Moody, I think we’d have less of an issue. He seems a very disciplined Auror who wouldn’t put up with such nonsense, but since we know he’s a Death Eater in disguise, it’s like, “Okay, you’ve given this Death Eater this horrible device.”

Andrew: Yeah. And this is why Dumbledore signed off on him being there, too, because he is a disciplined Auror, the real one.


Odds & Ends


Eric: I’m going to pass this portion of the discussion to the Odds and Ends Master of Ceremonies for this evening, Micah Tannenbaum.

Andrew: Ooh!

Micah: [laughs] I love this title.

Eric: Micah, you actually… so I was really hung up on the the emotions here…

Micah: You were.

Eric: … but you’ve managed to spot a lot of cool odds and ends.

Micah: Yeah, putting aside all of the teenage angst and hormones, there is a lot of plot development that happens – or at least maybe some sprinkling of seeds – that we’ll see pay off in later chapters, or maybe even later books. So the first one that I wanted to call out was that for Christmas, Harry gets a knife from Sirius, and this knife comes into play in Order of the Phoenix because Harry ends up using it to break into Umbridge’s office not once, but twice. He also tries to use it on the door to the love chamber in the Department of Mysteries; it ends up melting, and I don’t believe Harry ever gets it back, and we can talk about the symbolism of that because we know what happens to Sirius at the end of the book. But wanted to call out that. And it’s not the only Christmas present, but Andrew, you had a note here.

Andrew: Well, yeah, it is interesting that it’s actually introduced in the text as a penknife, which I think reduces any suspicion of it being…

Micah: It’s not a machete.

[Micah and Pam laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, it’s just like any old penknife, and just can handle any lock or just undo a knot like it’s not a big deal. It’s almost a purposeful redirect by calling it a penknife, so I was surprised by that. I had forgotten it was called a penknife in the book.

Eric: Wait, is it more of a knife than a pen? Because I’m actually looking this… I’m learning this term for the first time now too.

Pam: I just thought that meant, like, pocket knife.

Andrew: That’s exactly what it is.

Pam: Oh, okay.

Eric: Ohh.

Andrew: But my dad used to always…

Micah: Like this?

Andrew: Yeah, like that. It’s a knife that folds in half, basically.

Micah: [laughs] I just happen to have it.

Andrew: Micah weirdly has a penknife right next to Dobby on his shelf.

Eric: He pulled it out of his carabiner on his belt right now along with his rock-climbing gear.

[Micah and Pam laugh]

Pam: Utility tool.

Eric: Pretty badass, Micah, to be honest.

Micah: Well, there were a lot of other Christmas gifts that were mentioned, and one of them is the answer to this week’s Quizzitch question…

Eric: Yeah, it is.

Micah: … and I know we’ll get to that in a little bit. But Dobby – speaking of creeps, by the way…

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: Yeah, it’s kind of creepy.

Micah: … he’s literally waking Harry up in not the best way. But Harry gifts Dobby some socks for Christmas, and Dobby notes that he now has seven socks after receiving Harry’s Christmas present.

Andrew: Seven!

Micah: Seven. I did that one especially for you, Andrew. I knew you would like that.

Andrew: Thank you. 7 and 12, you see it a lot, okay? I find it interesting. Micah, I think you should bring that Dobby Lego behind you to LeakyCon and wake up Eric one morning with Dobby lurking over him.

Micah: Oh, geez.

[Micah and Pam laugh]

Micah: He’s just going to smack it and it’s going to break into a million pieces.

Andrew: Glue it together first, maybe. The funny thing about Dobby’s gift to Harry… so Dobby gifts Harry these socks. Actually, you want to introduce this part first? And then I’ll come off of it.

Micah: Yeah, it’s just… I was really upset with how dismissive Harry was of Dobby’s gift. Dobby is so excited to be celebrating Christmas with Harry; he’s so excited just to be in Gryffindor tower with all of Harry’s friends. He’s jumping up and down getting presents from Ron. And it’s noted that basically Harry is like – I’ll have to look up the exact wording – but he’s like, “Now that I get to my real gifts…” like, he’s going through from Ron and Sirius.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: He’s just so dismissive, and it really bothered me reading that.

Andrew: And they were good socks. The one sock had Snitches on it, and then the other one had Quaffles, maybe? It’s a thoughtful…

Micah: Broomsticks.

Andrew: Broomsticks.

Pam: He liked them enough to wear them to the ball.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, yeah.

Micah: That is true.

Eric: You know what, though? As a boy who grew up going to… it was like, “What do I have either on my feet already,” when it’s time to go to the ball; like, “What am I wearing already?” Or, “What’s the bare minimum within a five foot vicinity of me? And I’ll wear that to a ball.” There is some element of that. But the socks are a very kind gift, especially from Dobby.

Micah: Exactly, because it’s what freed him, ultimately, so there’s some symbolism.

Eric: Yeah, it’s so symbolic.

Andrew: But when you are a young child like Harry is, socks aren’t the most exciting Christmas gift, so I think maybe that’s what’s going on here. Harry just knows there’s going to be better gifts than socks waiting for him.

Pam: We would all probably be very excited if we got socks for Christmas now. [laughs]

Andrew: I got socks this past… my mom gets me Bombas socks like, every Christmas. I got some Pixar ones this past Christmas. They’re fun.

Pam: Cute.

Eric: Ooh.

Andrew: I do also find it interesting that Dobby is working at Hogwarts, getting paid, and then using those earnings to work more by knitting socks.

Eric: He’s a workhorse. He’s a workaholic. Somebody needs to tell that house-elf to stop working.

Andrew and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: I looked it up and it says that “Harry’s other presents were much more satisfactory.”

Pam: Hmm.

Andrew: That’s a typical kid. I agree with you; we’d all love socks from Dobby, but for Harry, meh.

Micah: Well, we just got… yeah, I think we just learned the whole purpose of the really creepy eye in that scene was to reveal that in fact, Harry was wearing the socks that Dobby gave him for Christmas.

Pam: Yeah. And that comes into play later, right? Because Dobby is the one who gives him the Gillyweed for the second task, so it tips off Moody that he can help.

Eric: When Harry says, “Thanks, Moody, I got them from Dobby the house-elf,” yeah.

Pam: Or fake Moody. Foody. What do you guys call him? You have a…

Andrew and Micah: Fakey.

Pam: Fakey. [laughs]

Micah: All right, well, getting on into the ball, it’s noted that Crabbe and Goyle don’t have dates, and I think it’s kind of your classic… they’re not even comedic, but just the classic duo, “Not surprised they don’t have dates.” So this, though, does beg the question – I know we brought it up on the last episode – could you go stag if you really wanted to? Unless of course Crabbe and Goyle are going together.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Andrew: They would never go together.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: The thing is, I think everyone can go stag; it’s just that McGonagall’s preference in champions is for each of them to be partnered up. I think it’s perfectly fine for anyone of age 14 and higher to go alone or without a… Ron certainly could do going alone. I kind of wish he had, because he puts other people through hell. But yeah, it’s really just Harry and the champions that needed a date for appearances to kick off the ceremony.

Micah: One important plot point that we get in this chapter is that Barty Crouch, Sr. is not doing well, and in fact, Percy is attending the Yule Ball in his place. We’re going to see – whether you like it or not – a bit more of Percy in the upcoming chapters. But this is notable that Barty Crouch, Sr. is unwell.

Eric: It certainly is.

Micah: One additional thing we do learn at the Yule Ball is that Dumbledore happened upon this one particular room when having to use the bathroom, and we were talking earlier about some things that will pop up in Order of the Phoenix; this is another one of them. This was a very subtle mention of the Room of Requirement.

Andrew: Yeah, and this is one of those moments you read for the first time and you’re just like, “Wow, Hogwarts is amazing.” Not even Dumbledore knows every secret in the school. And honestly, Karkaroff might not know every secret of his school either, but he pretends like he does.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: Dumbledore, he doesn’t mind. “To be honest, it’s a security nightmare around here; I don’t really know everything that’s happening at the school.” And I think that’s probably one thing that Dumbledore loves about Hogwarts as well; it has so many mysteries he’s yet to unlock. In Hogwarts Legacy he’s only got, like, 80% completed, I heard.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: That’s amazing.

Micah: Did he find the Room of Requirement?

Andrew: I don’t know.

Eric: It’s funny, though, because there’s this small moment where Harry snorts into his soup, and he thinks he’s sure that Dumbledore gives him a wink. So it’s just very funny, and it’s very tied into Harry using the Room of Requirement next year for Dumbledore’s support, basically.

Andrew: Yes. And he might actually know about the Room of Requirement; he does say that he found the Mirror of Erised there, but I don’t know. There’s conflicting… oh, they use it in Fantastic Beasts, Justin is pointing out too. Uh-oh.

Eric: Well, Fantastic Beasts does tend to ruin this, too, because when you consider that the diadem was hidden in the Room of Lost Things, you would think that Dumbledore, had he known about the room properly, would have actually given that one a search.

Andrew: So assuming Dumbledore did know about the Room of Requirement in Goblet of Fire, then he’s just being his old kooky self, acting like he found a room.

Pam: It just makes it even funnier because he went there purposefully wishing for chamber pots, instead of just a normal flushing toilet. [laughs]

Micah: He’s got a bathroom fetish.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Micah: I mean, it comes up again in Half-Blood Prince when he’s…

Pam: With the knitting patterns?

Andrew: Dumbledore bathroom fetish count.

Eric: He just appreciates the culture, the culture of potpourri.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Andrew: But still, to my point, he’s not afraid to admit that he doesn’t know every secret in the school, whether or not the Room of Requirement one is truthful or not. And that’s admirable, I think.

Pam: Well, he didn’t know where the Chamber of Secrets was, to be fair.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Pam is listing all the things Dumbledore didn’t know in order of importance, and Chamber of Secrets is up there.

Pam: That was a pretty big deal.

Micah: For sure.

Eric: Especially because that’s something you know does exist or must exist somewhere, versus the Room of Requirement, just being surprised by it.

Pam: Right.

Micah: Well, we’re going to head outside now into the courtyard area, and a couple of conversations that are being overheard by Harry and Ron. The first is between Snape and Karkaroff, and it leads us to believe that there is some kind of shady connection between the two of them; we don’t really know yet what it is. We’ve learned that Karkaroff is a former Death Eater. I don’t believe we know that Snape is by this point; I think that comes out in the Pensieve scenes, right?

Andrew: Yeah, no, we don’t know that at this point.

Micah: And then another conversation that is overheard is between Hagrid and Madame Maxime, and this begins to lay the groundwork for the giants subplot in Order of the Phoenix. But of note, there is this pesky little bug hanging around that Harry notes while this conversation is going on, so I believe we can up the Rita Spy Count.

[Andrew gasps]

Eric: Hey!

Andrew: I’ll do it right now – to four! Sound effect is… [buzzes]

[Pam laughs]

Micah: One thing I did want to just call out about this conversation – and Hagrid himself is just not doing himself any favors in what he’s trying to communicate to Madame Maxime – but I actually didn’t really like Ron’s comment either about how he thought that Hagrid just must have happened across an Engorgement Charm. I thought that was kind of an ignorant statement for Ron to make, especially 14-year-old Ron. 5-year-old Ron, okay, I can see it. 14-year-old Ron should know better.

Andrew: I agree with that. And also, I’m just like, “Play that out in your head, Ron.” Like, he runs through an Engorgement Charm, and then, what, he can’t shrink again? We just saw in this chapter that you can shrink things, as demonstrated by Hermione and her teeth, so I don’t get it. And this has never come up? I don’t know. If I were Ron and I was like, “Oh, he must have been hit by an Engorgement Charm,” I might go home to the Burrow and be like, “By the way, y’all, Hagrid – what’s up with him? What happened to him?”

[Eric and Pam laugh]

Eric: Yeah, what I just thought about, though, is we’re witnessing the conflict between what Ron has grown up to believe and what is in practice, because he gets done telling Harry how dangerous giants are and it’s no wonder that it’s a secret, because giants just like killing, and that’s so in contrast to the type of person Hagrid is, who Ron knows. And so it’s actually… Ron can’t even consider that Hagrid might be a giant, because in his mind, giants are these scary boogeyman who kill people.

Micah: One other thing I’ll just add in here was that Hermione does have a bit of a sassy moment; she does make some comments towards… or I don’t know if they’re directly towards Fleur, but she does say some things at the beginning of the chapter about her. And Fleur also has some things that are not really all that complimentary about Hogwarts; she talks about the food, she talks about the decorations, so something to keep an eye on as we move forward to see if their characters change at all in that respect. And then finally, Cedric comes in at the end of the chapter. Probably the last person that Harry wants to really see in this moment.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: That’s fair.

Micah: But he gives him some advice about the second task, and doing him a solid after Harry was nice enough to tip Cedric off about the dragons.

Andrew: There’s some good karma.

Eric: It is good karma.

Pam: Ish. This is like, the worst clue, and Harry literally was like, “Hey, by the way, it’s dragons.”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Pam: He couldn’t have said, “If you open your egg, it sings”? He’s like, “Let me just give you this riddle. Have fun.”

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, that’s interesting. Maybe Cedric just likes a riddle. Maybe he wishes Harry gave him a riddle instead of being so blunt.

Pam: He probably just wants to win.

Eric: Well, no, I don’t think there’s anything nefarious with the way that Cedric is doing it.

Pam: No.

Eric: I think if Cedric is going to give a fellow champion a hint as recompense for what Harry did for him, he’s going to be honest about it. The thing that I’m thinking of is he knows that Harry needs a bath, and so when he recommends…

Andrew: Wait, what?

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: He’s like, “You stink, Potter. Literally.”

Eric: But think about what he offers him. He gives him the password to the prefects’ bathroom; he tells him exactly where to locate it. This isn’t just any other bathroom. Presumably, there’s other places where Hogwarts students shower, and we never hear about them. But the experience of going into the prefects’ bathroom is the gift that Cedric gives Harry; the knowledge is secondary. Because all of those taps with all of those bubbles, all of those options, the whole spa day Harry is about to have…

Pam: All right. It’s a little treat.

Eric: Yeah, he knows that Harry is stressed out, he knows that Harry’s friend just turned into a flippin’ volcano, and I think he knows that Harry is going to enjoy himself while he works.

Andrew: I’m also just wondering, maybe there were a few people around as Cedric was sharing this with Harry, so Cedric maybe wanted to be a little more coy?

Pam: Discreet.

Andrew: I’m reading this area back and it doesn’t really say that there’s a lot of people around, but they’re out in the Entrance Hall so there very well could be a bunch of people around.

Eric: Yeah, if Cedric just said to Harry, “Oh, put it under water; it’ll talk to you,” Harry might take it out to the lake or Harry might put it in a sink.

[Pam laughs]


MVP of the Week


Andrew: Okay, well, it’s time for MVP of the Week.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: I’m going to give it to Dobby for being a hustler. He’s continuing to work, making socks even when he’s not working in the Hogwarts kitchens. I’m impressed.

Eric: Again, shout-out to my girl Hermione for not sinking to Ron’s level. She really… good for her on everything, all of her accomplishments. She really should be proud and happy with herself.

Micah: I’m going to give it to the red and green socks with broomsticks and Snitches that Dobby gives to Harry for Christmas.

Andrew: [laughs] MVP: Most Valuable Pair of socks.

Micah: Most Valuable Pair.

[Eric and Pam laugh]

Pam: And I’m going to give it to Krum for actually being a good and attentive Yule Ball date.

Andrew and Eric: Aww.

Andrew: If listeners have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. We do have a Muggle Mail coming up in a few weeks, so we’ll get to some of that feedback on air at that time. And next week we will discuss Goblet of Fire Chapter 24, “Rita Skeeter’s Scoop.” [buzzes]


Quizzitch


Andrew: Now it’s time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s Quizzitch question was: What does Harry get Ron for Christmas in 1994? And the correct answer was a Chudley Cannons hat. It also clashes horribly with his hair, so Harry, I’m sorry, that was a terrible gift. But Ron likes it. Correct answers were submitted by All Snapes and Sizes; Andrea; Dumbledore’s Vanishing Chamber Pot; Elizabeth K.; Gandalf requires more Quizzitch Live… okay. Ginny’s toe that Neville stepped on; Guinea pigs are the best, even the ones with feathers, squeak squeak; Harry Potter’s hairy porter harried hurried portly potters; Harry should have caught Rita right then and there; Hermes, the forgotten pet of Percy… oh, yeah. Hermione is a fairy and a shapeshifter says Ron; James; JennyPenny; LC; Lily and James Potter rolling in their grave over Harry’s dancing ability…

[Pam laughs]

Eric: … Rizzitch Master; Siena; The broom compass that was never used because Voldemort destroyed it instead of Ron; The final remaining Blast-Ended Skrewt; The redheaded non-Weasley; The sad gift wrapping on Ron’s present even though Harry tried his best; The Utah Jazz of Quidditch (as my eyes glisten with the tears of past trauma); The shredded cuffs of Ron’s dress robes that no one can trim properly after how many years at wizarding school?; and last but not least, Tofu Tom. Okay.

Andrew: That was a big group.

Eric: That was a big group. This year… there were actually more people who submitted accidentally the incorrect answer of what Ron gets Harry, which is dungbombs.

Andrew and Micah: Ooh.

Micah: Gotta pay attention to the question.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. That’s right, Micah.

Micah: Which one was I? That’s the real question.

Eric: Ooh. Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: According to Rita Skeeter, what department at the Ministry of Magic would be particularly interested in Hagrid’s Blast-Ended Skrewts? Uh-oh, I think some trouble is brewing – or is it breeding? – at Hogwarts next chapter. Maybe that wasn’t the perfect sign off for this episode.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Micah: Well, there was a lot going on in those bushes. That’s all I’m saying.

Eric: Submit your answer to us via the Quizzitch form on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or click on “Quizzitch” from the MuggleCast website on the main nav.

Micah: Can I just say, though – now that I just brought that up – there is an excellent deleted scene in Goblet of Fire with Alan Rickman going into carriages and separating Hogwarts students, and it’s such a classic Alan Rickman as Snape scene, and I’m really disappointed that it’s not actually in the film.

Eric: I don’t think I’ve ever seen that scene.

Pam: I don’t think I have, either.

Eric: But Alan Rickman was just allowed to manhandle everyone in this movie. I’m thinking about the scene where he grabs Harry and Ron’s heads and shoves it down into their books in the Great Hall. It’s so unnecessary.

Andrew: I just pulled it up and pasted it in our Discord. I vaguely remember this.

Eric: Ooh.

Andrew: Oh, yeah, the carriage is a-rockin’.

[Pam laughs]

Micah: And just a reminder that Eric and I will be at LeakyCon 2024 in Portland, Oregon from July 5-7 at the Oregon Convention Center. And LeakyCon actually just today confirmed another guest to appear, Kit Young from the show Shadow and Bone, so they’re really diversifying the guests that they’re going to be having this year. I know we mentioned in the past Indira Varma and Isaac Hempstead Wright from Game of Thrones, and we’re really excited. And of course, if you want to head out to Portland this summer, just head over to LeakyCon.com. Use code “Muggle” when checking out and you’ll get a little bit of a discount on your order. We look forward to seeing you there, and more details to come in the coming weeks.

Andrew: Sounds good. Visit MuggleCast.com for all things MuggleCast, including our social media links, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes. While you’re in your podcast app listening to the show, please do leave a review; we would really appreciate it. And tell a friend about the show; we would appreciate Muggles helping us spread the word about this podcast. You can also visit our Etsy store, where you can buy many cool MuggleCast items, like the Cozy Comfy Combo Pack, which is the MuggleCast beanie and MuggleCast socks. I heard they were actually knitted by Dobby. You can get those together at one reduced price. Plus, we’ve got signed album art, signed by all four of us, that you can order. We’ve also got wooden cars, we’ve got T-shirts, a bunch of other things, too, so check it all out at MuggleMillennial.etsy.com. And this show is brought to you by Muggles like you. We don’t have corporate overlords who control the show who can cancel us; we’re just proudly an independent podcast, doing this podcast because we love it, and that does mean we need support from listeners like you. So if you’re an Apple Podcasts user, you can subscribe to MuggleCast Gold, which gets you ad-free, early access to MuggleCast plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month. And then there’s also Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and you’ll get all the benefits of MuggleCast Gold, plus livestreams, our Discord, access planning docs, the chance to co-host the show one day, a new physical gift every year, a video message from one of the four of us, and some other benefits too, so check it all out at Patreon.com/MuggleCast. Pam, thanks so much for joining us today on Tay-Tay Eve.

[Micah laughs]

Pam: Well, thanks for having me. It’s always a good time with you guys.

Andrew: Yeah! Thanks for all your contributions today. Anything you want to plug?

Pam: Come hang out with us on Millennial. I feel like I say that every time…

Andrew: You should. [laughs]

Pam: … but if you’re over 18 and you want to come hang out with me and Andrew and Laura, you can find us at MillennialShow.com. There’s links for all the ways you can listen over there. You can follow me at @PamelaGocobachi almost anywhere if you want to come hang out with me online, and I’ll see you guys around on the Internet.

Andrew: And since we’ve brought it up a few times, I will mention that Pam will be reviewing Taylor Swift’s new album on the next episode of Millennial, coming out on Wednesday.

Pam: Ah, yes. Swifties, come to me.

[Andrew and Pam laugh]

Andrew: So if you want to get her thoughts, she’s a huge fan and a great music journalist as well.

Pam: Oh, thank you.

Andrew: Definitely check out that episode. Well, that does it for this week’s episode of MuggleCast. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Pam: And I’m Pamela.

Andrew: Goodbye, everybody.

Micah and Pam: Bye.

Transcript #654

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #654, Witchcraft and Rizzardry (GOF Chapter 22, The Unexpected Task)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: And this week, we’re trying to find dates for the Yule Ball, and feeling lots of secondhand embarrassment for Harry and Ron. “Wangoballwime?”

Eric: [laughs] You said that with such swagger.

Andrew: Really? Oh, I thought it was… [murmured gibberish]

Laura: That’s exactly how we all asked people to be our dates to a dance in high school, right?

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Eric: It’s true. We thought we were so hot.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Is that how you did it over the radio, Eric, as we learned last week?

Eric: Pretty much. I was like, “Breaking news: Wangoballwime?”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: But before we get to Chapter by Chapter this week, a couple of important reminders. First of all, don’t forget that we have this Etsy store at MuggleMillennial.etsy.com. This is where you can buy many cool MuggleCast items, like the Cozy Comfy Combo Pack, which is our beanies and socks together at one reduced price. We also have signed album art – really signed by the four of us – and we have wooden car sets that you can build; we made those for our 16th birthday. We also have MuggleCast T-shirts and some other things, too, so check it all out at MuggleMillennial.etsy.com. These are all really great gifts that we created for patrons over the years, but we had some extras and we’re trying to sell them all off now, so please do check those out. And by purchasing these items, you will be supporting the show, so thank you very much for your help. Speaking of supporting the show, we have our Patreon and we have our paid Apple Podcasts subscription, and one of the benefits both of those groups get are our bonus MuggleCast installments. We do two of these a month, and we’re recording a new one today, right, Laura?

Laura: We are; we’re actually doing a fourth installment of wizarding world headcanons…

Eric: Yes!

Laura: … but for this one, we actually turned to our patrons to give us some of their favorite headcanons, so we’re going to be going over some of their inventions. They definitely run the gamut from really, really sad to really, really hilarious, sometimes wacky and outlandish, but it’s going to be super fun.

Eric: These segments are always a delight, and Laura, you curate so well, so they’re a lot of fun to go through.

Laura: Aw, thank you.

Andrew: So check that out at Patreon.com/MuggleCast as well as through our paid Apple Podcasts subscription. And one other benefit that listeners get when they pledge to our Patreon – one of many benefits, I should say – is you get a video message recorded just for you from one of the four of us, and do you all look at the replies sometimes that listeners send back after we send a video message?

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Micah: They’re really nice.

Andrew: They are the nicest things ever. Micah, we got one the other day from Katie; would you like to read this one?

Micah: Sure. Katie says, “Thank you so much for taking time to send this! I’ve been listening to MuggleCast since the pandemic hit, and now look forward to episodes every week. I grew up with Harry Potter, and even remember doing a book report on Goblet of Fire at the beginning of sixth grade as my favorite read from the summer it was released. Harry Potter means so much to me and I’m grateful for everything that you all do! I’ve enjoyed the benefits of additional content so far in the DA and am just blown away with how much thought and effort is put into the show. I think you are all hilarious and smart; once again, thank you for everything. This is a great community to be a part of… to feel a part of.” Be a part of, too.

Andrew: Yeah, we do have a really nice community going on, through the Discord, through the Facebook group…

Micah: And this was in response to my Bonjoro, you said, right? [laughs]

Andrew: It was, it was. And to inflate your ego a little more, Carly just said in our Discord, “I watch my video from Micah whenever I need to smile.”

Everyone: Aww.

Laura: That’s so sweet.

Andrew: Send me this video, Carly. I want to smile too.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: You probably can watch it in our archive.

Eric: Yeah, our outbox.

Laura: What, you’re saying Micah doesn’t make you smile every week when we sign into Riverside?

Andrew: Well, he does, but there’s a certain magic that comes with those Bonjoro videos.

Micah: In fairness, Every Flavor Jules just said, “I’ve watched mine from Laura so many times.”

Laura: Aw, that’s so sweet.

Andrew: People love these! Yeah, we don’t talk about these enough.

Laura: We don’t.

Andrew: Well, thank you, everybody, for supporting us and for writing those nice messages back. Our community is the best. And Eric, you have an update, too, speaking of community.

Eric: Yeah, this one’s a P.O. box update. We have not had one of these in a hot minute, because we don’t usually actually talk about it that often. But to our P.O. box this week, we actually received – all four of us received – a signed copy of James Durbin’s Screaming Steel CDs.

[Laura gasps]

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Oh, yes!

Laura: No way! That’s awesome!

Eric: Oh, yeah. It is signed; he wrote “Believe in magic” on the CD.

Andrew: Aww.

Micah: That’s really nice.

Eric: We got a CD. It’s really cool. For those of you who may not have caught our Episode 646…

Micah: I didn’t. [laughs]

Eric: Micah did not.

Andrew: Oh yeah, Micah wasn’t on it.

Micah: I listened to it, but I wasn’t there.

Eric: Yeah, for those of you who have not yet listened, James was a fantastic guest, very, very, very generous with his time. We started interviewing him about his song “Hallows,” which came out, and he’s one of the most interesting people I think we’ve ever had on the show, just his long history is just absolutely insane. So he sent a CD and sticker as a thank you. Just wanted to say thanks again to James, and I will get your guy’s CDs out to you.

Laura: Oh, I’m so excited.

Andrew: Thank you.

Eric: So we do have a P.O. box, and here’s the address, because we don’t say it too often: It is 4044 North Lincoln Avenue, Number #144, Chicago, Illinois 60618. And if for some reason you have gifts for us, I will make sure that the rest of the MuggleCasters and myself enjoy them.

Andrew: That address is also available at MuggleCast.com, if you need to easily grab it later, on our contact page.

Eric: Indeed.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: All right, well, without further ado, let’s get into Chapter by Chapter, and this week we’re discussing Chapter 22 of Goblet of Fire, “The Unexpected Task.” And we begin, as always, with our Seven-Word Summary.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Andrew: Cho…

Eric: … regrets…

Micah: … not…

Laura: … saying…

Andrew: … yes…

Eric: … to…

Micah: … greatness.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Okay.

Eric: Okay, that was worth the wait.

Andrew: I was trying to send you vibes to say “Scar boy.”

[Laura and Micah laugh]


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Laura: As we’ve mentioned here at the top, the name of this chapter is “The Unexpected Task,” and that unexpected task is asking a girl to the Yule Ball. So McGonagall drops this unwelcome news on her class towards the end of one of their final lessons of the term; of course, you have mixed reactions from the girls and the boys in the classroom. But she asks Harry to stay after for just a moment, and proceeds to let him know that not only does he need to get a date to the ball – which he wasn’t really intending on doing, it seems like – as a champion, he and his date are going to have to open the dancing at the ball. Professor McGonagall. Timing.

Eric: Girl.

Laura: I mean, I love her, I love Minerva, but she does not understand the gargantuan task that she just put in front of this 14-year-old.

Micah: No, she doesn’t, and I think she really seems to forget what it’s like to be a teenager. She’s demanding Harry show up for the good of Gryffindor and Hogwarts, but is really lacking the understanding of how much of an anxiety-inducing situation Harry is facing, and this is opposite of how we see her behaving in the first task. And she throws out words at Harry that I think are probably going to come up a lot in this chapter, “tradition,” “expectation,” “representing the school,” and I thought this was surprising for her character. Could we even consider it to be a flaw of McGonagall that sometimes her sternness gets in the way of her being able to really read the situation?

Eric: Doesn’t Dumbledore say that old men are at fault when they forget what it is to be young? There’s that line. I think there is some level of lack of being in touch. Harry himself is thinking to himself, “I doubt McGonagall ever let her hair down about anything” while she’s making the announcement, and right as she’s making the announcement, she’s telling off the students for having reactions to the announcement. So it is a bit of lack of in-touchness from McGonagall.

Laura: And I think that’s really common as people age; they do forget what it’s like to be a teenager. I even sometimes catch myself if I’m reading these books, or if I’m observing some kind of social media phenomenon that teenagers are taking part in, I’ll have to stop myself and be like, “Now, wait a second. You did stuff like this too.” And feelings feel really big when you’re at this age; you have a lot of big feelings, and society doesn’t do the best job of helping you figure out how to grapple with them or process them. So yeah, I think that’s what we see McGonagall doing here.

Andrew: And these are kids who are basically asking out a girl or partner for the very first time. We haven’t seen Harry do this before. Ron hasn’t either.

Eric: That’s right. As far as we know, Hogwarts doesn’t have social events like this.

Andrew: Yeah. Speaking of social events, isn’t it a little strange that this was announced during McGonagall’s class?

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: This should have been announced at the start of the year, right? This should have been a Dumbledore announcement.

Eric: Yeah, there’s the issue of notice, which I wanted to talk about, too, because I don’t know that we can necessarily fault McGonagall for mentioning… I guess the reason she’s giving the announcement is because it’s to her House, so Heads of House are probably the ones telling their own House in their lessons. But it’s way too late. It’s the week before Christmas right now.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: And yeah, absolutely to your point, Andrew – and to your point, Micah, about anxiety – they have next to no time to figure this out. If they had been given a few months, it would have been a much different sort of situation.

Laura: I can understand, though, why they may have held off on giving people this news, because you can see the excitement that it generates and the distraction that it generates too. Nobody’s focusing on their studies, and people are… I mean, it’s basically cuffing season at Hogwarts. [laughs] People are all of a sudden pairing up because they’re getting with their dates that they’re going to go to the Yule Ball with, and if you would announce this much sooner, there’s a lot of potential that it could have been a multi-week distraction for people.

Andrew: [worriedly] “Who am I gonna ask? Who am I gonna ask?”

Laura: Yeah, exactly. Although, I do think it’s weird that they didn’t announce it after the first task. Why not just get up and be like, “Okay, guys, coming up next, we’re actually going to have a dance.”

Andrew: [laughs] Coming up next.

Eric: Yeah, maybe not give him three months to change it, but maybe a month’s notice would have been great. I mean, the real loser here, the real person who loses out over all of this chaos, is somebody like Filch or Madam Pomfrey, because it’s actually said that pretty much everyone now chooses to stay over the Christmas break. Now that the Yule Ball has been announced, the school is packed. There was already going to be more people because of the foreign visitors, I guess, aren’t going home for Christmas, but now everyone who wants to be part of this dance – Hogwarts’s only dance that we’ve ever heard of – now has to stay over Christmas because the Yule Ball is on Christmas. So it really raises the question, why not do it the last day of term so that everybody can still…? Did everybody seven days before Christmas be like, “Sorry, parents, I can’t come home; there’s a ball I have to go to”?

Andrew: That’s the thing I don’t get either. The parents want their kids home for the holidays; I know my parents do. A lot of parents do in the Muggle world, too. They’d be devastated to find out that a week beforehand, “I’m not coming home for Christmas.”

Eric: Yeah, but compared to last year, there were 13 people at the castle over Christmas. Now it’s loaded. It’s pretty much everybody. There’s no mention of the Hogwarts Express even traveling this Christmas, so the conductor gets a day off. You know who doesn’t get a day off? Filch.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Again, he has to put up with… not only are they mega, mega, mega decorating, but now…

Andrew: 12 trees.

Eric: He was probably looking forward to a quiet ten days.

Micah: They would have been decorating anyway, though, in all fairness; maybe not to this level that’s called out specifically in this chapter. But in terms of a solution to get some of these students home from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang, they could just Portkey them home, and we’ve seen Portkeys now introduced. Why not just fire up a few dusty items around the castle and send them home? But I do think that the Yule Ball is just part of the package, and I do think the adults knew about it. We see Ron’s dress robes being packed earlier on in this book, and I just don’t think the students were given a proper heads up. It’s just like the Triwizard Tournament; the adults all seem to be in the know of what’s happening, but the students are the ones ultimately that are getting surprised.

Eric: Yeah, I mean, the dress robes were on the school list, to your point. But why does it have to be held in a time when now people’s plans…? The notice – just for me – it’s very last minute, but it’s meant to be. Obviously, Harry is meant to be caught off guard, and it’s the new thing that he has to focus on.

Andrew: Yeah, because remember a chapter or two ago he was excited that “Oh, the first task is over; now I got three months or whatever it is until the next one. I’ve got plenty of time to relax.” Surprise, you actually don’t have time to relax, and it’s over the holidays, so you’ll be doing anything but relaxing. You’re stressing over a girl, or should I say a partner? Because I did find it interesting that McGonagall tells him to find a partner, and she doesn’t use the word “girl,” which I just thought was interesting because the series is absolutely void of… well, the core books are void of LGBTQ people or mentions or just support, and yet McGonagall is using “partner.” It’s almost like she doesn’t want to assume that Harry would want to go with a girl, which would be inclusive, so I don’t know. I could be grasping for straws, but it was an interesting choice of words.

Eric: My take on this is that she’s referring to the more antiquated term of like, dance partner. I think she means girl. The thing is, Harry takes it to mean girl immediately, because the rest of the chapter he’s always like, “How many girls should I…? I would rather face off a dragon than a girl.” It’s all very…

Andrew: And that makes sense, because he knows he’s straight, so I just… but McGonagall could have used “girl” and didn’t.

Micah: And what’s fascinating, though, is that his mind immediately goes to Aunt Petunia. Talk about trauma.

Eric: Well, and sheltered. He’s sheltered. His mental image, to your point, Micah, is whatever… he would be dancing with somebody that’s dressed like Petunia always dresses for Uncle Vernon’s work parties, and that’s just sad that that’s his reference for formal attire or romance. Hogwarts really should have more dances. I mean, you’ve got to get these kids social, interacting outside their House, their immediate core groups.

Laura: Yeah. Well, and speaking of the psychological impact that this has on Harry, not only does he have literally no frame of reference for how to navigate this situation, he’s also feeling a lot of pressure and feeling like, “The only people who would want to go to this thing with me are people who are impressed at how well I did in the first task, or people who just want to go with me because I’m famous.” And unbeknownst to Hermione, her saying the same thing about Krum is something that echoes in Harry’s head over and over again when he’s trying to think of who he can go to the ball with.

Eric: There is this over-importance being placed on the ball, because Harry wants true love. Harry wants somebody who likes him for him, which is nice, but this is just a dance. It’s one day. It’s not like if you’re dancing, “Oh my God, you’re going steady and you have to marry the person.” Although, in J.K. Rowling’s world it is. But I think that it just is… it shows us how it is to be young and to have these… yeah.

Andrew: Yeah, exactly. I was going to say, remember what we were just talking about? It’s easy to forget how it was when we were kids, but I can still remember how big a deal it was for the first dance or the senior prom. Those were massive deals.

Laura: So I’m going to ask y’all something. I want us to all think back to when we were going to school dances, and I’m asking this because I have a particular perception of Harry’s perception of the Yule Ball, which is that he doesn’t really understand it or care about it that much, but it stresses him out because he’s being forced to care about it. I always got the impression in my teenage years that boys cared far less about these things than girls did, simply by virtue of the amount of time and preparation that me and my girlfriends would put into getting ready for dances, and it seemed like all of our guy friends did not give it nearly half that amount of thought. So I wanted to put it out there and see if we can challenge the stereotype, perhaps?

Andrew: Well, I’d say that’s right. That’s my recollection.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: It’s hard to remember, first of all, but also, I do think that had I been regularly dating somebody at the time in school, it would have been a nice thing to do with my partner. But I will say, this is very reminiscent of junior and senior prom emotions, things for me… it really does take me back to that part in high school, where just like with the Yule Ball, you have to be one of the upper grades in Hogwarts. 14 through 17 can go; the only time a younger person can go is if they’re asked by an older person, and that was very much junior/senior prom. You could not be a freshman and sophomore and go, so it’s exclusive and it’s skewed towards the older students, and there’s fancy dress, a lot of ceremony… I have to say… I mean, if you remember, my prom people would show up in limousines they would rent for the event, so there was a lot more pizzazz; there was a lot more flash spent on prom than probably anything else. I mean, even more than homecoming and any other big week for the school. Prom was a big deal.

Micah: Yeah, I agree with you. I think there’s a clear difference between going to a school dance – where you could probably just go with a bunch of your friends and have a good time – and then something like junior or senior prom, where there’s really an expectation that you’re going to be taking somebody with you, and I think that that adds a whole additional layer of stress and anxiety to the equation. And we’re going to get to it a little bit later, but I want to know why Harry couldn’t go stag. Forget the fact that it’s his Patronus, but he can’t go stag?

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: He would have had to dance by himself.

Micah: What’s wrong with that?

Eric: He’d be dancing by himself, which, hey, he could pull that off. He could learn to dance a solo dance.

Micah: There’s a whole song about that.

Andrew: Yeah, “Keep Dancing on My Own” by Robyn, I believe?

Eric: He should actually flip the script on McGonagall and say, “Well, I don’t dance,” and she says, “Oh, yes, you do,” and he says, “Well, I guess I’m taking you then, Professor.”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Hubba-hubba.

Eric: Really, no, flip the script first, and not in a romantic way.

Andrew: No, I know.

Eric: But she cares so much about… Hogwarts already has a champion, okay? This boy has been through enough. Don’t make him try and find a partner five days before the event. Let the older kids do that, or have it be a really sweet dance between his de facto guardian, his mother figure and him.

Laura: He would be teased to the edge of the earth if that ever happened.

Eric: Oh, you’re right. Anytime you show the least bit of closeness with the teacher, the students kill you. I forgot about that aspect of childhood.

Laura: Yep. [laughs] Did you block that out, Eric?

Eric: Yeah, I did. Absolutely.

Andrew: He just kicked butt in the first task and he defeated the Dark Lord; I’d feel more confident if I were him. I think it’d be cool if he were with McGonagall for that first dance.

Micah: Going back to your question, Laura, though, I thought through it in terms of what was worse, the anxiety of asking someone out, or the anxiety of the expectations you had to live up to if they said yes?

Laura: Ohh.

Micah: Because I think there’s two different parts to look at here. Your heart starts to beat and race real fast when you finally get up the courage to ask the question, but then you have to actually follow through if they say yes.

Andrew: Yeah, you’ve got to make sure it’s a great night, because you asked them out so you want to live up to the expectations. There’s also the fear of rejection, so that stops people from asking too. There’s many factors at play, but yeah, it was scary as hell, and I don’t miss those feelings, I guess. They’re memories you cherish in that they’re special, I think; they’re memories you never forget, but you also don’t want to relive them. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, it’s just another thing that the teachers thought would be nice this year but end up causing a lot of issues, I think, for everyone involved, for the student body. All the teachers are out of touch, I think. Do you guys remember your prom themes, though, by the way? Because I remember mine. My senior prom was called “Wonderful Tonight,” and it was based on the Clapton song.

Andrew: I can’t say I do remember mine.

Laura: So my prom theme was the Yule Ball at Portus 2007 in Toronto because I was homeschooled 10th grade through 12th grade, so I actually did not go to prom, so the Harry Potter conference was my…

Micah: How dare you, Laura?

Laura: Honestly, I’m fine with it.

Micah: [laughs] I know.

Laura: I knew plenty of friends who went; it wasn’t that great. And I’m like, honestly, for my prom to be a Harry Potter prom? That’s pretty cool. I’ll take it.

Andrew: That is pretty cool.

Micah: You were a trendsetter, just like Dobby.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: We’re both visionaries, me and Dobby. Well, much to Harry’s surprise, despite all of his anxieties about this, he is asked to the ball by no less than three girls, but he actually turns them all down, and we’re going to chat about them in a couple of minutes and the person he would really like to go to the ball with.

Micah: Why not 7 or 12? Why 3?

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: That’s a lot of pressure. Dang.

[Ad break]

Laura: Well, speaking of the girls who ask Harry to the Yule Ball, we start getting into a theme that I think is honestly really prevalent around the idea of a school dance in general, and I don’t even know that it’s necessarily specific to one group of people – I feel like I’ve seen lots of people do this – and it’s the idea of being concerned about how you’re going to look with a specific person as your date. So Harry brings this up because one of the girls who asks him is a fifth year who is apparently a foot taller than him, and he just says, “Oh my God, can you imagine what I would look like dancing with her?” And obviously, it’s not a great thing, but it’s also a very young thing, and I think we’ve all seen things like this during our own teen years, right?

Micah: Or we’ve done it or said it ourselves.

Laura: Yeah, that’s the other thing. I wasn’t going to call any of us out, but yes, 100%.

Eric: Yeah, we all fall victim to feeling as though we have to conform, and not only that, but match expectations that either probably aren’t upon us, or actually really are in real way. But the feeling of the need to conform causes us to do things like Harry does with his knee-jerk reaction to the first girl that asks him. Because he has his mind set on asking Cho, he immediately just says no before she basically finishes her sentence, and she is really hurt by that, and that breaks my heart to read. But all we have is our image when we’re that young and in school in this social setting, and so we obsess over it, and it’s everything. And to be fair, Harry has to worry about his image a slight bit more than most students, because there’s this journalist hawk coming around who’s writing bad stories about him. There’s evidence that she’s still trying to take him down a peg, so I think that definitely Harry is right to be worried, but it leads to unfortunate events and a little bit of toxicity, and certainly a lot of shallowness coming from the boys in this chapter.

Micah: Well, Hermione also does plant a bit of a seed – going back to the point, Laura, that you raised earlier – when she tells him that, “Oh, of course Krum has all these women lining up asking him, because he’s this big Triwizard champion,” and why wouldn’t Harry be any different? So I’m wondering if that’s playing a little bit inside of his head as well when he has these first three girls approach him; that is what makes him in part be dismissive. I think it’s a little bit tongue in cheek of Hermione, because we all know, really, why she’s going with Krum, in part to make Ron feel bad.

Andrew: And Harry just is always on a platform anyway. There’s always extra eyes on Harry, so I can see why he especially would be feeling this way. The champions, too, the other champions; I mean, there’s going to be extra attention on them at the dance because they are also dancing first. Harry has also been bullied over the years, so he knows that whoever he picks, he’s probably going to be hearing from Draco about his date; no matter who it is, he’ll find something to pick apart. So there’s a lot of pressure on him to choose the right person. I understand where he’s coming from, but it’s also a good problem to have, Harry. Some of us were really struggling.

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Andrew: We would have been lucky to have anybody ask us.

Eric: Oh, God. Well, I do feel bad, though, again, because Harry is 14 and the other champions are 17. They’ve lived just a few short years; they have a lot more experience in this area. If you think about what happens during Harry’s sixth year, when he’s 16, romance left and right, everyone’s doing it – meaning romances – and he’d be a lot more comfortable, I think, handling this level of a challenge in his sixth year, or if he were a bit older the way that the other champions are, so it does affect him negatively.

Laura: Well, Harry isn’t the only person that we see being concerned about appearances when it comes to selecting a date. Ron is worried that he’s going to end up with a “troll,” as he puts it…

Eric: Wow.

Laura: … and Fred even warns them that they’d better get a move on or else “all the good ones will be gone,” and then this man just makes it look super easy by asking Angelina.

Micah: He’s a smooth operator, that one.

Eric: Good for him.

Andrew: I loved this scene, yeah. I mean, okay, he’s probably asked girls out before. I think this says a lot about Fred and George’s character; they’re very confident people in general, in that they’re just going to be able to ask somebody without… I mean, maybe Fred was thinking about asking her anyway, so he was somewhat mentally prepared to do it, but Fred made it look so easy, and it’s enviable to just ask and you get an easy yes from Angelina, or what did she say? “Oh, I guess,” or something like that?

Micah: And then she blushed.

Laura: I mean, it read to me like there was already something going on between the two of them, and that’s why it was so easy.

Andrew: I think that’s fair, Yeah.

Eric: I mean, yeah, they’ve been on the same Quidditch team for a few years. Let’s not forget, Angelina actually marries George, so she’s definitely close with the Weasley boys.

Micah: Well, options were limited. Let’s be real.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: No, I’m joking.

Eric: I’m just saying that it’s clear that they’re close. And Fred still uses terms that I don’t like, like “get one of the good ones,” but his demonstrating to Harry and Ron that sometimes all you’ve got to do is ask really kicks them in the butt, I think, which they need.

Andrew: It’s a good life lesson that could be applied to lots of things. Just ask. Just ask. just do it. Nike.

Eric: Absolutely. Have that level of confidence, or if you’re not confident, fake it, and it’s going to work.

Micah: I believe that so much of their “confidence” comes from the fact that they just don’t really care all that much at the end of the day. That’s just their attitude; that’s their persona in being these pranksters. I’m sure Fred would have been just as fine showing up and hanging out in the back of the Great Hall pulling pranks on people, and so if Angelina ended up turning him down, it wouldn’t have been the end of the world. And maybe he would have just as easily gone off and asked another girl, but I just think it’s in their nature to not take things so seriously, and that’s what makes it so easy for them.

Laura: So I want to give a shout-out to Carly’s 14-year-old. Carly in our Discord is saying that her 14-year-old said, “Fred’s got rizz.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: He does indeed.

Eric: What’s rizz?

Laura: Charisma.

Eric: Ohh, man.

Andrew: It’s a Gen Z phrase.

Laura: It’s what the kids are saying. Well, obviously, all of these exchanges are incredibly frustrating to Hermione, who’s just looking at all these dumb boys like, “How could you be so shallow? The girls that you’re talking about not wanting to go with are actually really nice. Why do you think you’re such a prize?” And this opens up the beginning of a dramatic arc for Ron and Hermione, because Ron, all of a sudden, after four years, has the dawning realization that Hermione is a girl, and he’s like, “Why don’t you come with one of us? That would make it so much easier.” And of course, this is Ron trying to set himself up in a very casual way, so that he’s not putting himself out on a limb to ask Hermione to the ball because he wants to ask her to the ball. He may not even realize that he wants to go with her, but he’s doing something to try and orchestrate it so that she will go with him, because the other obvious answer is “Oh, Ginny can go with Harry, Hermione can go with me,” and it becomes clear that at least per Hermione at this point, she has already been asked by someone.

Eric: The thing is, even if she didn’t have somebody to go with, the way in which Ron asks her is wrong, and she’s right to turn him down. Because Ron sees it as a problem that she can fix, that “Hermione, you can help us out of this pickle!” No, absolutely not. That’s not why you should ask somebody to the prom.

Micah: This isn’t homework.

Andrew: Yeah, more homework for Hermione to complete. [laughs]

Eric: Right, exactly.

Micah: The word “shallow” has been brought up a number of times, and it reminded me of the movie Shallow Hal.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Yeah.

Micah: I’m not sure if anybody has seen it. Sounds like everybody has. And I really think that Ron could use Tony Robbins. There’s this elevator scene between Tony Robbins and Jack Black, where he essentially hypnotizes him, and I came up with the line. I was trying to get it to rhyme, because in the movie, it’s “Shallow Hal wants a gal,” right? And that causes his mindset to really just see the natural beauty or not in all people, and I came up with “Shallow Ronnie needs a honey.”

Eric: Oh, okay.

Andrew: I like that.

Laura: I like it.

Micah: I think Ron could really use that. I don’t know. Maybe Trelawney could step in in place of Tony Robbins, but… anyway.

[Andrew and Laura laughs]

Eric: Oh, yeah. Well, again, there’s just no time. It’s wrong of them to spring this onto the public.

Micah: Oh, yeah. Andrew, can you do a Trelawney impersonation of that line?

Laura: Yeah, please do.

Andrew: [in a screechy, hoarse voice] “Shallow Ronnie…” No, that’s the Voldemort one.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: I need to think that through more. I don’t think I can do that one on the spot.

Eric: They’re so close. There’s a lot of similarity.

Micah: All right, I’m sorry.

Laura: Well, over the course of these interactions, we find out that Neville actually asked Hermione to the ball. She turned him down, of course, because she’s going with Krum, but Ron in particular is making a lot of fun of Neville, saying things like, “I mean, of course she turned him down; who would want to go to the ball with Neville?” which is so mean, because his sister, who is actually the one who’s going to the ball with Neville, is sitting right there. [laughs]

Andrew: And Neville has a glow-up later on, so joke’s on you, Ron.

Laura and Micah: Yeah.

Micah: And I just wanted to re-raise this – I know I mentioned it earlier – but I’m curious, why must each of the champions have a partner? What’s wrong with going stag? This whole situation puts unnecessary pressure on the students to conform to certain traditions and norms. You have to go, you have to have a date, you have to dance, because if you don’t, then what? You’re a loser? That’s what it’s implying, or you somehow don’t fit into the social…

Andrew: I don’t see what’s wrong about continuing to uphold this tradition. It’s like, you think about certain traditions at weddings, or maybe you have your own tradition around a birthday. And it’s hard for Harry because it’s his first time and for all these other reasons we’ve discussed, but it’s not that hard for him to get somebody to go with him to the dance. He’s in his own way. Micah is trying to get us to… I think Micah hates the idea of finding a partner for a dance, so you’re just projecting here. [laughs]

Eric: No, I mean, it is the summation of what we said in this chapter, though, right? They sprung this on the teachers, possibly. They definitely sprung it on the students. It creates a lot of hard feelings. Hogwarts is an emotional nightmare.

Micah: Yeah, and we see how it causes these students to behave and the types of emotions and things that come up, the things that are said about other people. And, well, maybe they were lying below the surface and it just needed this situation to bring them to the forefront, but it’s some pretty nasty stuff that Ron throws out there that maybe otherwise never would have been said in other situations. But all I’m saying is I don’t disagree with you, Andrew; I do think the four champions, it is nice, but I don’t think everybody should feel the pressure of having to have a date. It just seems to be a little bit over the top.

Andrew: Wait a second, four? Maybe they should have just danced with each other. Cedric and Harry, Fleur and Krum.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Or mix them however you want.

Micah: Well, Fleur was trying to get some Diggory, so…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: … maybe that would have been better.

Andrew: I’m just trying to ship Harry and Cedric while we still can.

Laura: It definitely feels very 1990s, right? So I think in that way, it’s pretty representative of the time. I think by 2024 standards we might see a dance that’s a little more inclusive of different kinds of people and the different ways that they can have fun and enjoy an environment like that.

Eric: Yeah, even by the early ’00s people were wearing duct tape suits and dresses and clutches. I always wanted to be that kid. That was really cool to me.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, if I were Harry, I would have just said to McGonagall, “Remember Hogsmeade and how you wouldn’t sign my permission slip? I’m not going to the ball. Deal with it.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, “What’s the Goblet of Fire going to do? Is it going to smite me if I don’t take part in this task?”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: “I didn’t want to be a part of this anyway!”

Laura: [laughs] “I am only contracted for three tasks. Three.”

Eric: That’s right.

Micah: No extras. No bonuses.

Eric: The Goblet is like, “Harry Potter, if you don’t dance with somebody, you will die.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: That’s basically what she said.

Laura: Harry is finally inspired to do the thing that he’s been knowing he needed to do but also dreading doing, and that was asking Cho to the ball. And you really feel for him in this moment, because he approaches her when she’s with a group of her friends, and he says, “Hey, Cho, can I have a word with you?” All of her friends immediately start giggling, and Harry thinks, “Oh my God, giggling should be illegal.”

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: “This is horrible.”

Eric: Laura, can you offer insight? What are the girls giggling about here?

Laura: It’s just excitement, honestly. I remember being in situations like this in school where if a boy that you liked or that one of your friends liked came up to a girl in a group, and everybody knew that there was some kind of connection there, everybody would get excited about it. It wasn’t ever mean, at least in my experience; it was more just people being unable to contain their excitement. And it’s also a little bit of gossip, right? Like, “Ooh, Harry Potter asked Cho to the ball.”

Micah: Andrew still does that every time I walk up to him, so…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: I think a lot of our listeners do when they get Bonjoros from you, according to our Discord.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: But of course, Cho has to turn Harry down when he asks her. Of course, this is after he asks her to the ball in one word; he manages to fit “Want to go to the ball with me?” into one very long word, which, good for you, Harry. But she admits that she’s already going with someone, and Harry asks her, “Who are you going with?” And she says probably the last name Harry needed to hear come out of her mouth, and that was Cedric Diggory.

Eric: Harry is so endearing, and it’s so endearing to read this, and there’s this line where it’s like, “and Harry thought that Cedric had been his friend, but now Cedric is a big old poopy…”

Andrew: “He was their friend!”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Not a good champion after all, and it’s just like, “Oh man, Harry, that’s your heart. That’s your heart telling you that Cedric is now your enemy again.”

Andrew: But this is one reason why Harry was probably delaying asking, just like Ron: this fear of rejection. And now he has to face it with the one person he actually wanted to ask. And Cho does look truly sorry, in Harry’s mind.

Eric: Yes, so you have to wonder, if Harry did ask her first, would she have gone with him? Or was she already dating Cedric? And I think the “truly sorry” remark implies she would have told Harry “Yes.” I mean, this would still be a big get for Cho; forget having feelings for Cedric. I mean, this is the Chosen One asking you.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Well, I just think that Cho has a read on Harry that he’s a kind person, and we know that to actually be true, and that’s kind of what leads Cho to seek Harry out next year, is that she knows fundamentally he’s a good person, and who wouldn’t want to go to the ball with somebody who’s a good person, let alone being the Chosen One?

Andrew: And one of the champions! Cho gets asked by two of the four champions! Wow.

Micah: I mean, who knows? She may have been asked by all four.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: True.

Micah: We don’t have confirmation one way or the other.

Eric: That’s true. Well, I will say that the two Hogwarts champions know her. It’s interesting that they both know her through the same thing; they both know her through Quidditch. Cedric Diggory has faced off against Cho Chang in Quidditch, Cho being a really good Seeker.

Andrew: Then maybe this is more confirmation that Krum did know her and would’ve asked her out. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, I bet they’re all really impressed with Cho’s Quidditch skills, and so they all ask her.

Micah: I do think it’s interesting to compare Cho’s emotional maturity with Harry’s at this moment, because we just talked about how she does feel truly sorry; we can see it kind of come through in her expression and how she speaks to Harry. But Harry, on the other hand – and this goes to the age discrepancy a little bit – immediately turns to trash-talking Cedric. That is his response. And to look at the two in terms of where they are from a age perspective – not to say that just because you’re older, you’re more mature – but clearly, Cho is more mature in this situation.

Eric: Yeah. I’m still glad Harry keeps it to himself. It’s really only his internal monologue that talks on Diggory, and in fact, he doesn’t ask Cho right away, “Oh, who are you going with?” accusatorially, the way Ron might do in this situation. He waits, then they have a lovely moment and Cho walks away, and he says, “By the way, who?” He’s genuinely taking an interest in Cho’s pick.

Andrew: Yeah. And the fact that Harry does keep this inside him, I think, does say a lot. He just thinks these things to himself, it does say a lot, because we’ve all been there. We’re talking smack inside our own heads when somebody disappoints us. [laughs]

Laura: Oh God, yeah.

Micah: Or you talk smack back on the person you just asked. That’s the other thing, too, not just on the person they happen to be going to the dance with.

Andrew: Harry is jealous, he’s probably shocked, he’s probably mad at himself for not trying to figure out the situation sooner. There’s so many factors at play he has to deal with, being thrown into the tournament to begin with. You can see why he’s frustrated.

Laura: Yeah. And I do think, too, we see a really positive side of Cho in this book, and we’re going to talk about that a little more in a second, but I will observe that it is easier to take the high road when you’re not the person being rejected. So from that perspective, I can empathize with Harry, because I absolutely remember being that age, and if a boy I really liked all of a sudden got a new girlfriend, my head… I never verbalized any of it, but I would think really mean things about this girl for no reason, [laughs] just because I was jealous.

Eric: It’s a very realistic experience. I think reading this, we’ve all had a very similar internal and external monologue.

Laura: Oh, yeah. 100%. Well, I want us to compare the Cho that we get in this book against the version we get in Order of the Phoenix, and I wanted to ask first, are we surprised how Cho’s character turns out in the next book, based on how nice she seemed in Goblet of Fire and Prisoner of Azkaban?

Eric: I mean, I think the more shocking character shift is Harry’s. We just talked about how wonderful he is and how nice and delicate he is to this subject, and how nice and delicate she is, but when she’s sobbing and they’re at the tea shop for a date, Harry is just like, “Come on, what’s this all about? What the heck am I supposed to do with this?” And it’s like, wow, Harry isn’t able to be – through circumstances that are not his fault – that same kind, caring, sensitive individual. So I do agree that Cho is certainly done dirty by the book; I think that there really could have been a really nice relationship there, but because of everything else that’s going on in the plot, and it wasn’t meant to be, it does change significantly with what we… what the books seem to be setting up is not what we get. Cho is the girl that is that disappointment of the first girlfriend that you thought was going to be something that she wasn’t; it’s not her fault at all.

Laura: Yeah, I definitely feel like Cho’s character gets assassinated in the books, but even more so in the movies where they basically… they don’t have Marietta Edgecombe in the fifth movie, so Cho is the one who rats out Dumbledore’s Army in the film.

Eric: Oh.

Laura: Whereas in the book, Marietta is just her friend, and she tries to defend her for doing it, so it’s pretty different. But I think that a lot of times, Harry – and also as readers – we tend to forget that her boyfriend gets murdered, and she’s 15 years old. That is going to have an enormous impact on her and potentially the trajectory of her life, so the fact that she shows up the way she does in Order of the Phoenix is not shocking at all to me. But I will say when I was reading it for the first time, and I think I was in… I hadn’t matured, so I think reading it, it was really easy to be like, “Oh my God, this is the annoying girlfriend. Can he move on to the next one?” [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, it’s tough because when you’re that young and you’re reading the books and Harry and Ron both feel a certain way about somebody, you tend to feel that certain way about somebody. You get sort of lumped into the boys’ mentality, which is just not fair, especially in a world where there’s no grief counselors at Hogwarts, nobody for Cho to talk to, and she reaches out to Harry because he’s literally the person that was closest to Cedric and there when it happened. She just wants some fellow humanity, and Harry is not able to bring that, and it shouldn’t be anyone’s role to bring that.

Andrew: All right. Well, we will talk about Ron and Ginny in a moment, but first, we’re going to take a quick break. We’ll be right back.

[Ad break]

Laura: Not only does Harry strike out when he asks Cho, Ron also asks Fleur, and nobody’d be shocked to hear that she doesn’t even respond to him. She more looks at him like he’s something disgusting on the floor.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: It’s rough. But it sounds like – at least Harry’s suspicion is that – she was turning on the Veela charm to get Cedric to ask her to the ball, which is what prompts Harry to be like, “Well, she was wasting her time, because he’s already going with Cho Chang. I know because I asked her; she said no.” And with that in mind, I wanted to ask y’all are some people more susceptible to Veela magic than others? Or does already being partnered make the Veela magic not work?

Andrew: I could see some people being more susceptible than others. There might be hormones at play; there might be urges at play.

Eric: Yeah. I mean, if we think about the Veela moment, the full-on Veela moment at the Quidditch World Cup, I’m pretty sure some of the guys that were jumping out of the boxes trying to get to the Veela were probably married men, at least some of them, so I think that the effects maybe don’t discriminate. But the funny thing to me is that Ron afterwards, the “Why did I even do this?” I think Ron just set out in the hallway to be like, “I’m going to find a girl and I’m going to ask,” and unfortunately, Fleur was maybe the first person he came across. He didn’t necessarily, to my knowledge, have a plan to ask her specifically the way Harry did with Cho.

Laura: Right.

Eric: He was just trying to find somebody, and then the magic…

Andrew: He was a moth to a lamp.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: It caught him off guard. I think that it caught him off guard, because he probably could have emotionally talked himself out of it, or at least waited a second to see what conversation she was involved in before blurting it out.

Micah: Yeah, and it often makes me wonder, was her reaction more because Ron interrupted the situation between her and Cedric, versus her looking at Ron as something non-desirable? Because let’s face it, she ends up with a Weasley at the end of the day, so I don’t think it would have been an impossibility for that pairing to happen.

Andrew: Aww, don’t let Ron hear that. “Nooo, missed opportunity!”

Micah: Yeah, the Veela effect, I agree. And some of those wizards at the Quidditch World Cup likely were inebriated as well, and that could have contributed to how effective the Veela powers were over them, though there’s probably a number of factors. Andrew mentioned hormones, age, maturity… I feel like a lot goes into play.

Andrew: Yeah, and Eric mentioned, well, some of them are married, but what if they’re unsatisfied married men?

Eric: That’s getting really into the weeds.

Andrew: Well, that’s pretty common, though, right? [laughs]

Eric: Yeah. I think that in our Discord, Lydia has solved it regarding Ron and Fleur and why it doesn’t work out: Lydia says, “He doesn’t have the rizz.”

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Ah, yes, the rizz.

Laura: Yeah, 100%.

Micah: If it was Fred, it would have been a done deal.

Andrew: This might be the first time rizz is being said on the show. We’ll have to check the transcripts to find out.

Micah: 100%, because I had no idea what it was either, Eric, so don’t feel bad.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: You’re going to have to get me a Gen Z to Millennial dictionary for my birthday.

Laura: None of us are under the age of 25, so I think we can say that that is confirmed.

Andrew: Barely under the age of 35.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: I was trying to give us a little wiggle room. [laughs]

Andrew: Oh, okay. Rizz is a year-old word at this point, if not older, so we need to check and see what the hottest Gen Z words are right now and start working those in to appeal to the young’uns. That is funny.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: In the Discord, are you looking at the same thing from LegalizeGillyweed?

Laura: Yep.

Andrew: Read it. It says “Witchcraft and Rizzardry.”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: That could maybe be in the episode title. It doesn’t really tell you anything about the episode, but…

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: Well, it’s people asking each other out. They got in a School of Witchcraft and Rizzardry. I like it. It’s a contender.

Laura: Well, Micah, I know you have some feelings about this, so I want to make space for you to make your grievance known, because Ron is a tool in this chapter.

Micah: Yeah, he just… he’s constantly digging himself a deeper hole with every passing moment. Every word that comes out of his mouth does him no favors. But before we get to him, I did want to call out the fact that Ginny, she has some reactions which are important to note. She stops smiling when she learns that Harry asked Cho to the Yule Ball, and that Harry got turned down, and then she also turns scarlet when Ron suggests that Harry go to the ball with her, so these are little nuggets that are being thrown our way, little breadcrumbs as to how Ginny possibly feels towards Harry, and we’ve seen it come up in other books before this. Now Ron. The fact that Ron thinks that Hermione said she was going with someone else just to let Neville down softly… this really pissed me off more than anything else. I’m standing up for Neville. Neville is the only one – and he’s going to be my MVP of this chapter – that had the cojones to ask both Hermione and Ginny to the Yule Ball when Harry and Ron were just twiddling their thumbs.

Laura: Yep. I would totally go to the ball with Neville. I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t.

Andrew: You know he’d be a gentleman, he’d dress well, he’d take the gig seriously.

Micah: And Ron is really poop-talking Neville in front of Ginny, only to find out that that’s her date to the Yule Ball, so he just comes across really, really bad in this chapter. And do you want to say maybe it’s the effects of the Veela? I don’t think so.

Andrew: Well, that and I think his back’s against the wall when it comes to finding a date. He really can’t find one still, the clock is ticking, so I think he’s really stressed about it and he’s acting out.

Laura: Yeah, and I think that we always see this from Ron when he’s going through periods of high stress; he does lash out at people in a kind of ugly way that is completely unjustified, so this is not the first or the last time that we’re going to see that in this series.

Eric: Right, he’s completely… he’s not in touch with his emotions, and the emotions he is in touch with he’s incapable of voicing, and that haunts him throughout almost the entire book series.

Micah: Are we surprised, though? I mean, it does seem a little bit out of character for him, but maybe based on what you’re saying, it’s not actually out of character.

Eric: Yeah, I don’t necessarily… the problem is, this usually works for Harry, right? Ron’s take allows him to ease up and feel better about it. And it’s really just the foot in mouth syndrome that Ron has in this chapter in particular, because he’s backed into a corner and it just doesn’t work. But usually Harry is able to gain a lot of comfort from what Ron is saying, and what Ron is saying is not as problematic. This reminds me of Ron – I’m forgetting if it’s a movie-ism or not – but where he says honestly, Hermione is a nightmare for crying, and she should run to the… he makes Hermione cry in year one; that’s the only other time I could think of that Ron eats it this badly.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, this is your traditional boys’ talk, but the problem for Ron is that he’s doing it right in front of the girls, so it’s just making him look even worse.

Andrew: Yeah, it’s hard to comprehend because it’s like, why doesn’t he think about what he’s doing right now and how others are going to be perceiving this?

Laura: Well, and I mean, it really is a case of sour grapes, right? Because at least from Harry and Ron’s vantage point, they’re some of the only people left who don’t have dates, and I would think that if I were in Harry’s position, if I was sitting there watching my best friend talk smack about other people who have successfully gotten dates, I would feel a little bit like “You gotta put up or shut up, man.” There’s another phrase that you can say for that, but I’m not going to say that here because this is a family program. But anyway, either get a date or stop talking about it, because you’re just making yourself look like a jerk.

Andrew: It reminds me of when somebody digs their own hole, and then they know they’ve dug this hole and they’re in deep ish, and they just decide to keep digging deeper because that’s the only way they know how to continue moving forward, and they just look worse and worse. I think that’s where Ron is. He dug this hole, he can’t find a date, he waited too long, he ignored Hermione, and now he’s digging a deeper hole with all these comments he’s making here.

Laura: Well, as we near the end of the chapter, the time has come for drastic action, and I guess what drastic action means is Harry is going to look around the common room and go up and ask the first two girls that he sees if they want to go to the ball with him and Ron, and that’s exactly what happens when Parvati and Lavender come through the portrait hole. He goes up and asks Parvati, who giggles, says yes, and he immediately turns to Lavender – trying to be a good wingman, I guess – and asks if Lavender will go with Ron. This is such a teenage thing; I definitely remember this happening with some of my friends and other people that I went to school with, where if they were too nervous to ask themselves, their friend would ask for them. But this is a pretty lame moment for Ron. It really is.

Andrew: Yeah. [laughs] This is rock bottom.

Micah: Well, who would he have gone with? I don’t think he would have ended up being able to ask anybody else…

Laura: No.

Micah: … or I’m not sure anybody else would have gone with him. I really think it’s because of Harry that he ends up with this date.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Well, the date doesn’t actually end up being Lavender, but I think we can play a foreshadowing alert here because Lavender almost ends up being Ron’s date to the ball, and we know that in just a couple of years’ time, these two are going to be in a really, really obnoxious and annoying super PDA relationship.

[Foreshadowing sound effect plays]

Laura: Luckily for Ron, Parvati’s twin sister Padma does not yet have a date, so Padma becomes Ron’s default date. Poor Padma.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Yeah, well, there’s nothing wrong with how this unfolds yet, right? Because presumably, the girls want to go to the ball with somebody too, and they too don’t have currently a partner at the time they’re asked. The crime is how Harry and Ron both treat their dates, which is in a future chapter. But yeah, it’s desperate and it’s sad.

Andrew: I think Harry and Ron were enabling each other this whole chapter with how much they delayed moving, and I think this is also a lesson to readers. Don’t delay, whether it’s finding a date, whether it’s paying your bills, whether it’s, I don’t know, making a decision about college. The early bird gets the worm no matter the task at hand, so don’t dilly dally.

Micah: It’s actually a really great point because Hermione makes it, too, to Harry when she asks him about the egg.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: And clearly Harry is like, “Oh, I have until the 24th of February,” and it just shows you he’s just gone through this entire situation where he didn’t act in a timely manner, and look where it got him.

Eric: He learned nothing.

Micah: Yeah, he learned nothing.

Andrew: Procrastination is bad.

Eric: It’s perfectly reasonable for Hermione to say, “Well, if you have some free time, you should figure out the clue or try and figure out the clue,” because for all we know, the next challenge might force him to learn a new spell. How long does it take to learn a spell? Yeah, Harry fast-tracked the Summoning Charm…

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, I was going to say, not long.

Eric: … but the next one might not be so easy. He might need that two months to actually study up on something. So Hermione is 100% in the right in this chapter.

Micah: Yeah. I mean, I was pretty tough on him for that task, and I gave him a bit of a mulligan. He’s not getting one in the second task.

Eric: Oh, man. Micah is fierce.

Laura: Well, while Harry and company are busy being distracted by the impending Yule Ball, the plot is actually still happening in the background of this chapter. So Harry does speak to Hagrid after he does his interview with Rita Skeeter, which was set up in the last chapter, and Hagrid confirms what we kind of already knew, which is that Rita only wanted to talk about Harry, and Harry’s take on this is that she’s trying to find a new angle on Harry because the narrative of him being a tragic hero isn’t going to be interesting to her readers forever. Why does Rita pivot her narrative on Harry now? Is it because he’s no longer an underdog in the tournament?

Eric: Yep. Maybe she was already interested in tearing him down, especially because the way that she’s introduced in this book is as a person who’s constantly critical and negative; she has these horrible things to say. And so she needed to start off with Harry kind of building him up, and now she’s going to really relish tearing him down. That seems to be the MO that she has.

Andrew: Well, and Harry does tell Hagrid that the narrative of him being a tragic hero won’t be interesting forever, and I think that’s a really astute point for a child to be making. I mean, that is how news cycles work, especially in today’s day and age. There’s a story of the day, about a billion things, and you see them all on Twitter, and everybody can’t stop talking about it, and then tomorrow, nobody will be saying a thing. Today, April 11, OJ Simpson died. That’s all I see on Twitter. Tomorrow, we’re not going to hear a peep about it. There’s news of the day and then everybody just moves on to the next thing. It’s a 24-hour news cycle.

Laura: Yeah. And do you think that the reason Harry picks up on this so quickly is because he’s familiar with the British tabloids? I know we’ve talked about how Rita Skeeter really is kind of a stand-in for the British tabloids in the Potter books, so is he just taking that outside life experience and applying it here?

Andrew: I think so. I think we also know that the Dursleys have been known to watch the news or read the news, so Harry might be learning about the news cycle that way as well.

Eric: Harry just is very intuitive as well. He has a read on people, and he knows because he was already misquoted in the first interview that Rita gave him that she’s the kind of person who doesn’t care about the truth, and so he’s not exactly catastrophizing by thinking that he knows where Rita is going with all of this.

Micah: I agree with that. And let’s not forget, he was also present during that exchange between Rita and Dumbledore, and the whole situation was not very flattering for Rita in terms of how she talked about Dumbledore. And we know Harry, at least at this point, he’s a fan, so I think that could also play into it. But I agree, Eric, I do think he’s got an intuition about him when it comes to certain people, and he can tell that she’s no good. He’s got bigger things to worry about, honestly.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: And finally, Fred and George are trying to borrow Pigwidgeon for undisclosed reasons. Obviously, we know they’re trying to write to Ludo Bagman, but Micah, you had an interesting question about this. [laughs]

Micah: Yeah, this made me think, though; I mean, we know that the Weasley family has Errol. I don’t even remember what happened to Errol; maybe he wanted into retirement. But do Fred and George not have pets at Hogwarts? I don’t think we ever hear about that, and I would hope that at least one of them has an owl.

Eric: Their parents are poor.

Andrew: Well, headcanon I just thought about, that just popped into my head: We know they like to experiment…

Eric: Don’t say this.

Andrew: … with their new pranks and jokes and whatnot…

Eric: Don’t say it.

Andrew: I’m going to say it. Maybe they practiced on their pet and accidentally killed the pet.

Eric: Oh my God.

Andrew: They were practicing something on their pet. They were using it as a test rat.

Eric: Errol is the family owl, the whole family has one bird, has one owl. It’s Errol, and that’s for mom and dad to use and the kids. It’s Errol. So the only other kid, the only other Weasley kid who had a pet, was Ron, because it used to be Percy’s or whatever, the rat that just showed up one day. They can’t afford pets, unfortunately.

Andrew: You’d think they could, like, make a pet, or make a delivery animal.

Eric: Well, Fred and George could make a pet, absolutely. I bet it would actually do the job too.

Micah: Yeah, because it was Sirius who gifted Ron Pig, right?

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Micah: I just love how on the other episode, Andrew was so up in arms about Cedric turning the rock into a Labrador, but he’s okay with Fred and George turning their pet into some Canary Cream.

Andrew: [laughs] I didn’t say I was okay with it! I’m saying this is my headcanon now. This is just a thought I had.

Micah: I mean, you’re probably right, honestly.


Odds & Ends


Laura: Well, let’s get into some odds and ends before we get into MVP of the Week. First one was one that I noticed. So Harry, in this chapter, he has to take a potions test; Snape is giving them one on antidotes on the last day of class before the Christmas holidays, before the Yule Ball. It’s just really cruel of a teacher to do something like that when clearly students’ heads are a million miles away from the classroom. But Harry forgets to add a bezoar to his antidote during that test, so that is time two out of three that Harry hasn’t been prepared to either speak to what a bezoar does or use it appropriately, but don’t worry, because there’s a third round coming up in another couple of books and he sticks the landing, so third time’s the charm. [laughs]

Eric: Amazing. He’ll be ready for a bezoar the next time.

Micah: Yeah, I wanted to call out in Transfiguration class, the class is turning guinea fowls into guinea pigs, and it’s mentioned that Neville, of course, doesn’t fully transfigure his project and it ends up being a guinea pig with feathers. Now, yes, you could say because of the mix between fowl and pig, that’s why it has feathers, but I was thinking back to the last chapter: Does he have some residual trauma from the Canary Creams, and is that why his guinea pig has feathers on it?

Andrew: Ohh.

Eric: It could be, but I just looked up guinea fowl to figure out what they are, and they’re birds.

Micah: Yeah, no, I know. That’s what I’m saying.

Eric: Well, see, I didn’t even know… it’s kind of just being punny.

Micah: How about it works on both levels?

Eric: Works for me.

Andrew: I just wanted to call out, I get so excited when I see the number 7 or 12 in the Harry Potter series.

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Andrew: It’s two of the most popular numbers. So as we go through the books, just wanted to mention, here’s another 12. There’s 12 Christmas trees in the Great Hall at Christmas. And by the way, a couple of weeks ago, I brought up the seven locks on Moody’s trunk, and we got a couple of corrections about this. I think we didn’t really explain why there were seven locks, and I think people mistook that as not understanding what was happening. There’s seven locks on Moody’s trunk because each lock opens up a different trunk in the storage area, just to clarify that while we’re on the subject of 7 and 12.


MVP of the Week


Andrew: All right, now it’s time for MVP of the Week!

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: I’m going to give it to Fred for showing Harry and Ron how to be effortlessly courageous in front of a girl. [claps]

Micah: You mean frizz?

Andrew: Frizz?

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: He’s got frizz.

Laura: Frizz Weasley.

Andrew: Don’t combine George and rizz.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: My MVP of the Week is going to Ginny, because as Micah pointed out – thank you for pointing that out – Ginny really handled her emotions well.

Micah: Yep. And I mentioned it earlier, but I’m giving my MVP to Neville for being unapologetically himself and having the you-know-whats to ask both Hermione and Ginny to the ball.

Eric: The Canary Creams?

Micah: Yeah, having the Canary Creams. There you go. I like that. Thank you.

Laura: [laughs] I’m going to give mine to Krum because honestly, he played the long game on this. He was turning up to the library every day to, I guess, hope that Hermione would notice him?

Micah: [laughs] The stalking game?

Laura: And it worked out for him, so good on you, man.

Eric: Yeah, he knows how to woo a woman.

Laura: Yep. Also, a guy who will come sit in the library with you just because he likes you…

Andrew: Goals.

Laura: … and knows that you’re bookish and that’s what you’re into, that’s sexy. Good job, Krum.

Eric: Quality time is an underrated love language.

Andrew: All right, if you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can email or send a voice memo recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. Don’t forget, we prefer voice memos because they’re higher quality. And if you do call or send us a voice memo, please try to keep your message no longer than a minute so we can fit in as many as possible during Muggle Mail episodes. And next week we’ll discuss Goblet of Fire Chapter 23, “The Yule Ball.” Oh, yeah. It’s dancin’ time. And it’s also time for Quizzitch!


Quizzitch


[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s Quizzitch question was: How many girls ask Harry Potter to the Yule Ball? The correct answer is three, three girls, and he turns them all down. Sad. But correct answers were submitted by “Wangoballwime?” Harry asked calmly…

Andrew: Oh.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: … Dramadore Extreme; Expecto past trauma; First Task Dragon, Second Task Percy Showering; Heartbreaker Harry; Beky4lfy; Is this a marketplace for watermelons? I don’t… I missed that reference. Jeremiah Strick; McGonagall’s last shred of patience for giggling students; Only the surviving Hogwarts students go to breakfast… oh.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: … Reggie; Roonilwzlib; Siena; That 14-Year-Old English Muggle-born; That one girl with a straight nose that Harry and Ron forgot about; The little ferret inside of Draco…

Andrew: Aww.

Eric: … The nonexistent Hogwarts professional development budget that Hagrid so desperately needs; The tall queen that asked out the insecure short king Harry; and Tofu Tom. Good run of usernames there, everybody. And here is next week’s Quizzitch question: What does Harry get Ron for Christmas in 1994? This one’s a little harder than expected. I always run these by Meg beforehand to see if she just knows it offhand because her knowledge is that way, and she didn’t know it, so that’s kind of cool. And it is not, as she suggested, a letter saying, “If you ever unfriend me again, I will cut you.”

Andrew: This is also a good question to know the answer to for a future Harry Potter trivia night that you go to at a bar. This is the perfect Harry Potter trivia night question.

Eric: You know that they ask these types of questions at those trivia nights, yeah. I miss going to trivia nights with you, Andrew.

Andrew: Yeah, that was fun. We won one one time, and we won an open bar for two hours. It was the best trivia night prize ever.

Eric: That was really awesome, yeah. But submit your answers to this week’s Quizzitch question on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or go to the MuggleCast web page, check out transcripts, other stuff, and click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Micah: Just a reminder that Eric and I will be at LeakyCon 2024, yaking place from July 5-7 at the Oregon Convention Center in Portland, Oregon. You can head over to LeakyCon.com and check out all the information there, and you can use code “MUGGLE” when checking out to get a nice little discount on your tickets for the event. Of course, plenty more information to come in the next few weeks and months as we head up to the convention.

Eric: Love it. Can’t wait.

Andrew: Also, don’t forget, you can visit MuggleCast.com for our transcripts, our P.O. Box address, social media links, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes, and to contact us. And if you enjoy the show and think other Muggles would, too, tell your friends about the show. We’re like a Harry Potter book club every week. Also, help us spread the word by leaving a review in your favorite podcast app. And like we said at the top of the show, this show is brought to you by Muggles like you. We really appreciate your support at Patreon.com/MuggleCast as well as through MuggleCast Gold, which is the subscription we have through Apple Podcasts. If you’re an Apple Podcasts user, just tap in to the show, and you can subscribe to MuggleCast Gold. It’s a great deal, as Micah likes to remind us, and you’ll get two bonus MuggleCast installments every month, plus ad-free and early access to each episode of the show. So that does it for this week’s episode. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: We’ll see y’all and your rizz next time. Bye, everybody.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Bye, y’all.

Micah: Bye.

Transcript #653

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #653, Dobby Lobby (GOF Chapter 21, The House-Elf Liberation Front)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Well, everybody, grab your golden eggs and bring them to the Gryffindor common room, because it’s a par-tay, and even the house-elves are invited. This week we’re discussing Goblet of Fire Chapter 21, “The House-Elf Liberation Front.” And Dobby’s back! I know Micah is super excited about it. We have a whole section dedicated to the return of old Dobbs.

Micah: How could you not?

Eric: It’s a real opportunity to pull up that Fudge clip. “He’s back!”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But yeah, we’re going to get to, obviously, that Chapter by Chapter segment, which, Laura is included in this week’s Seven-Word Summary. Very excited.

Laura: Aw, shucks.

Andrew: [laughs] She’s doing all seven words, right? I believe that was my joke last week?

Eric: Yeah. But first, we of course would like to announce again that Micah and me will be at LeakyCon this year from July 5-7, 2024. It’s located and happening at the Oregon Convention Center in Portland, Oregon, and it’s going to be a blast. They’re announcing guests left and right; Micah and I are among them. We’ll be doing a live MuggleCast; this was a lot of fun last year for those who were able to come out and see our various Harry Potter panels, and we’re going to do it all again. If you are interested, we do have a discount code for listeners of our show. Enter code “Muggle” for a little discount when you get your tickets, so definitely check that out. LeakyCon.com, and follow Leaky on their social media to see what guests are coming.

Andrew: And let them know you’re coming from MuggleCast.

Eric: Absolutely.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: Well, without further ado, let’s get into Goblet of Fire Chapter 21, “The House-Elf Liberation Front.” And we’ll start, like we always do, with our Seven-Word Summary.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Laura: Shrieks…

Eric: … and…

Andrew: … panic…

Micah: … erupt…

Laura: … from…

Micah: … Gryffindor…

Andrew: … base.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: You know, I don’t hate that.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Yeah, it’s not bad. It’s not bad. I’ll admit, I started you out with a hard one. I was between that and “Dobby” as the first word, but I was like, “Eh…”

Andrew and Eric: Ohh.

Micah: Laura was like, “I didn’t get included last week.”

Laura: So yeah, I’m going to make this hard now. [laughs]

Micah: “I’m going to make this as miserable as possible for the rest of you.”

Laura: I was thinking of the egg. That was where my mind was at.

Andrew: Right.

Laura: But certainly, there’s a couple of other important things that happen in the chapter, right, Micah?

Micah: Oh yeah, there’s plenty of other exciting things that happen in this chapter.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Micah: And the first discussion we’re going to focus on is Blast-Ended Rita. And we’re going to talk about other stuff; I just got a little bit creative with that title and… take with it what you will. But the chapter opens up really with the band being back together, and Ron is all about Harry winning the Triwizard Tournament, and I thought to myself, “Here is Ron advocating for Harry, sure.” He’s excited about the fact that he’s got his best friend back. But he really thinks now Harry’s got a legit shot at winning the Triwizard Tournament, and Ron has a tendency throughout the series to make jokes, to say things tongue in cheek, and they end up coming true. Do we think this could be another example of that?

Eric: Do we think that Ron is joking, though? Because I think he really does think… he’s supporting Harry; he’s definitely elated to be his friend again, but do we think that he’s joking about it? I think he really thinks that Harry could win it.

Andrew: I think he really thinks so too.

Laura: Yeah, I agree.

Andrew: A, he’s reunited with Harry again and friends again. I think the biggest thing impacting what he’s saying here is that he’s just high on Harry’s win, and now they get to celebrate and relax for a little while. So I definitely believe that Ron feels very confident that Harry can pull this out.

Micah: I’ll be honest; I said at the end of the last episode, I’m still not bought fully in on Ron yet. I think he’s blowing a little smoke towards Harry and trying to get back into his good graces a bit.

Andrew: Does he have to? I mean that seriously. I don’t think Harry needs too much winning over.

Eric: Well, yeah, that’s true. I do think, though, that Ron, in lieu of continuing to say how bad he feels, will tend to overcompensate. That’s a very teen boy thing to do, or just anybody who’s not really great at communication will tend to find other ways to compensate for how they feel and make something nice. So I think Ron’s excessive good mood does fall along the lines of he is working to get back in Harry’s good graces, so… but Harry does take the compliment.

Laura: Yeah. And I think to your point, Eric, that’s pretty normal for most people when they mend fences after having a really big blowout argument that went on for a few weeks. There’s a period of time where things are first mended where people are going to be, I think, more predisposed to playing nicey-nicey to keep things on the straight and narrow, and then they slip back into old habits. But this makes sense. [laughs]

Andrew: And Ron is so happy to be back with him that he has a newfound appreciation for Harry probably, and their friendship. He’s really proud of Harry after this win. What you’re describing, Laura, this also sounds like the start of not just a friendship or a new chapter in a friendship, but also a new relationship too. And you’re never nicer to the person you’re in a relationship with than when things start off, and then some years pass and you stop talking to them pretty much all together, even if you still live together. What?

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Laura: Andrew, this isn’t your therapy session.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: What Andrew is talking about is the fact that it takes until Deathly Hallows for Ron to return to his old habits and walk away from Harry, and Hermione, for that matter. But along these lines, though, we do get some conflicting viewpoints about the first task: Ron thinks that after having faced dragons, nothing could be worse. And this could be him playing to Harry a little bit here, but you also have Hermione on the opposite end of the spectrum. She thinks that since the first task was dragons, it can only get worse from here. So I just found it fun to see these two completely opposing viewpoints.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah.

Eric: It determines… I guess it depends on how terrified you are of girls, which turns out to be the next task, the unexpected task for them. But it’s funny to see Ron’s sort of sweet summer child mood of “Nothing could be worse than dragons.” I’ve got to say, in hindsight, I kind of agree; the dragon close quarters with very minimal protection that we all just read through last week, it’s hard to imagine… if you take the Voldemort component out of the hedge maze, and if you take just what happens in task two to Harry specifically, the danger that he wasn’t really in for most of that, I think the first task is actually maybe the most dangerous.

Andrew: Yeah, I mean, I think of these three tasks, I would certainly be most afraid of the dragon. That sounds the most dangerous. I do think – and again, I guess I chalk this up to Ron just being high on Harry’s win – but for Ron to think that any threat from Karkaroff is now out of harm’s way just because Harry conquered the first task, it’s like, it’s just silly. There’s two more tests to go, and you guys have no idea what’s coming.

Eric: Again, it’s that overcompensating. That “Oh, you got it. We’re done. We won!” [laughs]

Andrew: It is also interesting, too, that Micah, you highlighted the opposing views from Ron and Hermione. I think this also is a little commentary on how they think just in their day to day lives. I think Hermione is more of a long term thinker, and Ron is more short term.

Eric: Wow. Yeah, I love that. I think, Andrew, you’re right on the money there. I think that that definitely speaks to their energies.

Micah: And Andrew, you also had something in here about the anxiety maybe related to the fact that the next task is three months away. That’s a lifetime for these kids.

Andrew: Yeah, I read this, and Harry says that he’s relieved that it’s three months away, and I’m like, “Whoa.” I would not be relieved to know it was three months away. I wish it was a week away, or less. I do not want the wait drawn out, because I’m just going to have three months of sleepless nights. I want it to happen.

Laura: But think about when you were 14; three months felt like an eternity.

Eric: Didn’t it?

Laura: Right? We have the benefit of looking at this from the point of view of people who are adults, right? Three months from now for some kind of big event is no time at all for an adult, but for a teenager, that’s eons.

Eric: Yeah, if you tell me something’s happening in three months, I need to get my energy reserves started.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Exactly.

Eric: The pre-dreading it and figuring out if I can get out of it, that takes three months.

Andrew: And there’s going to be another task after that!

Laura: But I think for someone this age, three months feels like a really long time that you don’t have to think about it.

Andrew: Yeah, worry about it later. Procrastinate.

Laura: And of course, we know what that results in; Harry is in a total panic as this gets closer. But I think it’s really characteristic for the point of life that he’s in right now.

Eric: I’ll say to that point as well about not having to think about it, I think that part of the agreement in hosting the Triwizard Tournament during a school year, as opposed to a summer holiday, is that it is spaced out because they need all of the students – even just the spectators, not the champions – they need all of the students to still do good in their classes. And so if everyone has two months or fewer to just enjoy and live in the Triwizard Tournament, they’re not getting any work done, and so this spreading out the challenges allows people to kind of do more of a business as normal kind of a thing. And then my initial thought was the reason that the tasks are so spread out across the year is because the end of the year, Harry needs to meet Voldemort, just like he does in all the other previous years. It needs to last him that long, so it needs… that was a very…

Micah: That’s his final exam every year.

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Micah: It just takes on a different… that’s why Harry really doesn’t have to take his final exams each year, is because Voldemort is really his final test.

Andrew: I think that’s a fair trade-off.

Eric: Yeah. I do think, though, that because there’s enough going between the first… that three months does fill up. It’s just like anytime we’re looking forward to something that’s next year; like, it’ll be here sooner than you know it. Between the Yule Ball we know they’ll have hoisted on them, and having to work out the clue in the egg, which Harry starts in this chapter but has no idea what to do with it, actually, that time will be filled up.

Micah: And that’s a great transition because once we get back to Gryffindor Tower, our Seven-Word Summary, Harry goes and opens the egg in front of his fellow classmates, and we’ll put aside the loud screeching noise that it makes, but wanted to talk about some of the reactions that the students have to the egg being opened. First, we have Seamus, who said that it sounds like a banshee and maybe Harry will have to defeat one, and I thought this was noteworthy because we learned back in Prisoner of Azkaban that Seamus’s boggart is a banshee, so this is really a first example of a student reacting in a way that conveys fear, because we’re going to see it with Neville in just a moment, too. But Laura, you had a point about banshees.

Laura: Yeah, and this is just to add a layer to this whole exchange that happens. Banshees are creatures of Irish folklore, so we’re learning a lot about Seamus in terms of him as a person, but also the culture that he comes from through moments like these, right?

Micah: Absolutely. And it’s clear if it’s his boggart, it’s something that he is deeply afraid of at this moment in time. And then we get to Neville, who responds by saying it sounds like somebody being tortured, and that immediately made me think: Is Neville reliving inside of his mind what happened to his parents at the hands of Bellatrix and Barty Crouch, Jr. and company? And this maybe just has been a lingering thought in his mind since the class with Moody just a couple of chapters ago.

Laura: Yeah, I think especially now that he’s seen the Cruciatus Curse in action, but not been able to really hear it, right? He’s seen it, but think about the spiders, right? Now he’s hearing this screeching, this shrieking, and to him, he’s probably automatically placing that as a stand-in for what happened to his parents.

Eric: It’s sad. It’s sad that these children have this trauma response, or they identify with their trauma. It’s something a little clever in the writing. I think, though, because it is just kind of a high-pitched noise, it makes you think that the next challenge will involve facing fears, like maybe it’s a boggart or something. I seem to recall that that was probably what I was thinking when I was first reading this in 2000. But it definitely turns out not to be that; it’s just that this is a high-pitched squeal, which is what merpeople apparently sound like out of water. And so it’s a little bit of misdirection there that the suggested… and the Weasley twins say, “Maybe it’s Percy in the shower.”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It’s a high-pitched squeal. It makes you think that it’s something that it’s not, which I think is very clever.

Andrew: That is a fun theory about “Oh, it’s just hinting that something scary will be occurring or something frightful because it’s a shriek,” and it clearly is open to interpretation, as we see from Seamus and Neville. I also found it touching that Seamus and Neville were happy to jump in with their own guesses about it. I guess they’re also feeling very proud of Harry, too, and they want to contribute however they can, as quickly as possible. Because if you’re right, that makes you look pretty good. So I also saw this as like a nice teamwork moment where they’re trying to help their fellow student.

Micah: And their fellow flatmate, for lack of a better… right?

Andrew: Yeah. Fellow Gryffindor.

Micah: Neville and Seamus are both roommates of Harry’s, and Neville has kind of been there the whole way. Neville really stuck by Harry’s side. It’s questionable with Dean and Seamus; Ron, we know what direction he went in. But it is nice to see; I agree with that. Some symbolism I just wanted to call attention to about golden eggs, since we’ve been talking about the golden egg. It usually represents something of value, and I thought that this worked on two different fronts: The egg was this cherished prize that had to be captured during the first task, and now the second task, we know that something of great value is going to be taken from each of the champions, so it does work on two different fronts. The other thing, before we leave Gryffindor common room, I wanted to talk about was Fred and George. They are clearly hard at work, despite Mrs. Weasley trying to dampen their efforts. They have been working on probably a number of different items; we see Canary Creams come into play, and I think the twins really have something going here. Neville goes what I call full molt; he turns into a bird.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: And it showcases how talented the twins truly are when they apply their magic in an area of true passion. I think this is true in the real world, too, right? When you’re working on something that you’re really passionate about, it shows. And it’s clear, even this early on – and maybe I didn’t really see this when I read through the series the first time how early on – it’s clear that the twins are destined for other things outside of Hogwarts.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Eric: I mean, I think we have our episode title there. “Full molt.”

[Micah laughs]

Eric: But you’re right, Micah, nothing else compares to the magic that the twins are doing. Specifically, if you look at it, Neville turned into a giant bird, a canary, and he doesn’t change back until he molts, but the way it’s described, it happens probably within minutes. This is an insane transformation. Even the Polyjuice Potion doesn’t work for interspecies transformation, and Hermione gets stuck like that for weeks when she accidentally uses a cat hair supposedly from Millicent Bulstrode’s cloak, whatever, whatever. But I really have to hand it to the twins, just like you did. There’s nothing like this level of magic, whether it’s a potion, and whatever it is that they put into this tiny little chocolate that has that effect is absolutely crazy.

Andrew: I want to run with your Polyjuice point. It’s impressive that they created something that in a way works better than the Polyjuice Potion…

Eric: Right!

Andrew: … and is easier to create, or at least consume. You can buy this from triple W.

Eric: It’s bite-sized.

Andrew: Yeah, it’s bite-sized. You don’t have to do all that crazy stuff you have to do to get the Polyjuice Potion going. So I, too, was very impressed by this, how Neville was able to so quickly and easily transform without him knowing – which is a problem – that he would be.

Micah: But he loved it. He laughed afterwards.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I agree with y’all. I mean, it’s amazing, but I don’t know that it fully compares to Polyjuice Potion because presumably, you can’t turn into anything or anyone you want with these, right? The options are going to be limited.

Eric: Well, it’s whatever Fred and George make it, which raises the question of how did they get it? Did they have to find a canary?

Laura: Probably.

Eric: Still, though, Fred and George, whatever cool points we just gave Fred and George, we do have to take them away, though, because it wasn’t consensual. Neville may have quietly laughed about it afterwards here, but they had actually given him a false sense of security by saying that the creams were not affected and then he was changed, and I’m sorry, that’s not cool. I don’t care who they do it to. It’s wrong.

Andrew: Way to bring the mood down, Eric. No, you’re right.

Eric: Sorry!

Andrew: They’re pranksters. I mean, that’s what you chalk it up to when you read it. I mean, I agree with you, but also, it’s just Fred and George being pranksters.

Eric: Amazing magic. Tell people that you’re about to put a spell on them. Thank you.

Andrew: Yeah, and some people probably would be up for it, knowing that they were about to be transformed. Like, “Oh, that sounds fun.”

Eric: Yeah! Oh, absolutely.

Micah: Well, I’m going to bring the mood back up, because we’re going to go to Care of Magical Creatures, and we’re going to get a guest appearance from Rita Skeeter, who is just lurking in the shadows there. And she interrupts what, no surprise, is a disaster of a lesson from Professor Hagrid with the Blast-Ended Skrewts. He’s trying to get them to hibernate; we’ll talk about that in a minute. But I just wanted to throw out there: Why do we think Rita is so interested in speaking with Hagrid when she shows up?

Laura: It’s another way to get to Harry. We have to remember the way the last chapter left off; she asked him for a word, and he gave her one word and that was “Goodbye.” She’s trying to worm her way in, and it just so happens that she stumbles across this lesson that he’s a part of and sees “Oh, goody, this lesson is clearly not going very well, so it’ll be another thing for me to publish in the Prophet,” right? Like, “Bad classroom management at Hogwarts,” something like that.

Andrew: There’s a lot of bad to document here.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: And let’s remember that Rita and Dumbledore had a brief encounter a few chapters ago, too, and Rita might be a little salty at Dumbledore, and I think this is just an opportunity to criticize how Dumbledore runs the school.

Eric: Absolutely.

Andrew: He’s clearly not keeping an eye on what happens in these classes, which we already do, but the wizarding public don’t.

Eric: Evidently, Dumbledore has banned Rita. She’s not supposed to show up at lessons; she’s not supposed to be on castle grounds at all during lessons, and the way in which she’s apparently attempting to circumvent that is by starting to write articles that are so shady, that are so devastating to read, that there will be a general need-to-know where she’ll start being dispatched by Fudge to get to the bottom of what’s happening at Hogwarts with the teachers. Everything she’s doing, this smear campaign that she is going into against Hagrid and this knocking down a peg of Dumbledore and Hogwarts, is really setting the stage for Umbridge next year. She’s just got the level of gumption to really force the issue.

Micah: Right, and Dumbledore is not a fool. I’m sure he reads the Daily Prophet; he sees what she’s been writing about Harry, so the last thing that he wants is more of that at his school. But the part that I would actually put back on Dumbledore is he has another unregistered Animagus on the loose on Hogwarts grounds, and he’s none the wiser to it. He also has a Defense Against the Dark Arts professor who’s slurping down Polyjuice Potion, and he’s none the wiser.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: He has absolutely no control over Hogwarts. It’s amazing.

[“It’s starting to sound like a security nightmare!” sound effect plays with sirens]

[Laura laughs]

Micah: Yeah, it had been a while since we played that, so I’m glad that we worked it into this episode.

Andrew: I agree. It’s also great that this sound effect starts with “It’s starting to sound like a security nightmare”; at this point, we are way beyond.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: “Starting.”

Eric: It’s still starting; we’ve only scratched the surface. I will say, we’re talking about this Rita spying. Do we want to up the Rita spy count?

Andrew: Ohh.

Laura: Yes. I think we can.

Micah: What do we make of her tactics? She’s clearly – and I don’t mean this in a sexual way that she’s flirting with him. I think she’s playing to his insecurities, and she does a really good job of it with Hagrid.

Eric: It’s that forced good nature that allows people to feel comfortable in a situation where they otherwise wouldn’t feel comfortable. “Smile and they smile back” kind of a thing. And yeah, I mean, Hagrid is definitely taken to this person for behaving in that manner, and it just gets him to divulge more than he would normally. Turns out, there’s about a million and a half ways to get Hagrid to tell you more than he normally would. I think it’s… at a certain point, we just have to say this is what he would normally tell you. [laughs]

Laura: Agreed. Well, and I think that this is flattery, right? And it’s easy with Hagrid because so few people actually care about the things that Hagrid cares about, so if he comes across a person who is expressing genuine interest in the things he’s interested in, yeah, he’s going to be really vulnerable to falling for that.

Andrew: And I think this is what journalists do pretty often; if they’re interviewing you, they’re trying to make you feel comfortable so that you open up, and then they can get the most out of you as possible.

Micah: Totally. And you know what? Kudos to Harry for being able to read the situation and jumping in to support Hagrid at a couple of different moments during this conversation, but this class, this lesson, is absolutely absurd. It’s horrendous, on a scale from one to ridiculous. And why Hagrid didn’t do any prep to see if the Blast-Ended Skrewts even liked the idea of hibernation before the students showed up… the students are the test subjects. It’s wild. There are students literally hiding in Hagrid’s hut, peering out the window as Rita makes her way into the middle of the classroom.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: That’s right, Draco and them barricade themselves in the hut. And who can blame them? [laughs]

Micah: I mean, when you talked about setting things up for Order of the Phoenix and for Umbridge, I’m sure Umbridge looked at some of these articles that were being written by Rita about Hogwarts, about Dumbledore, about Hagrid. So Hagrid is doing himself no favors here. I love Hagrid, but…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah. No, it’s bad, and the only person who can handle this level of creature is Hagrid. If you notice, when Rita shows up, he jumps in front of the students to protect them and rastles the Screwt, gets the rope around it and pushes it back a bit. He nearly flattens the remaining Screwt as he’s talking to Rita, which must actually look pretty badass, but he’s the only one who can. These 14-year-olds absolutely can’t do it.

Andrew: Well, he made them, too. He bred them. He created these Blast-Ended Skrewts, so only he knows how to handle them. And how long has he even had these things for? So he probably doesn’t know enough to even really be teaching about them. [laughs]

Micah: And that’s a really interesting point, though, Andrew, because it should set off some red flags for us, because it definitely did for Harry, Ron, and Hermione, because they ask themselves a question: Where did Hagrid get these things from?

Eric: Right.

Micah: Let’s think back to Sorcerer’s Stone and think with Fluffy, and think back to Aragog in Chamber of Secrets, right? He has a tendency to end up with things in his hands from people who are manipulating him.

Eric: That’s a great point, Micah, and there’s no reason for him to have done the Skrewt thing, because the Forbidden Forest is loaded with creatures that are well documented, and he’s never had any trouble before getting in there. And he knew all about unicorns, and it just… there are so many creatures that he could know that will be a lot safer to teach. He doesn’t get any passes this year like he did last year for having boring lessons because his life was a mess because Buckbeak was going to be executed. This is his choice to have these ridiculous creatures that are way too dangerous for students to force them to do things they don’t want to do. I mean, just an explanation of “Seamus’s burned fingers” and other students’ scratches should be enough to tell you this is completely inappropriate.

Andrew: I guess in defense of Hagrid, I will just say that clearly he’s passionate about magical creatures; it’s probably a passion of his to crossbreed and see what he can come up with, so I see why he wants to create the Blast-Ended Skrewts and not just go into the forest and pull out a creature and teach them about that. But I also do agree with you that he needs to spend more time with these newfangled creations before teaching them. It is ridiculous. Well, we are going to go crossbreed our own magical creatures, and we’re going to take a quick break. We’ll be right back. Is that too far?

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Laura: Oof.

[Ad break]

Micah: What did you make during the break, Andrew?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, yeah, now we all have to say. Now we all have to come up with it.

Laura: Nobody call PETA.

Micah: Well, we’re going to move into the second half of this chapter main discussion: Tea time with Dobby. That’s right; Dobby is back.

Andrew: Woo!

Micah: And I think that is the best thing that has happened so far in Goblet of Fire.

Andrew: Oh, wow.

Micah: Well, what else…? I mean, maybe the Quidditch World Cup.

Andrew: Yeah, that was pretty cool. Sorry, I’m just impressed by… you really love Dobby.

Micah: Well, it sounded like you were judging.

Andrew: No, I’m not judging.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: You’re the guy with a Dobby Lego behind you. I shouldn’t have been surprised at all, actually.

Micah: I know.

Laura: Well, I mean, also, it feels good, right? Because at the Quidditch World Cup when Harry first saw Winky, he thought she was Dobby, and he got genuinely excited, and so now he actually gets to see his friend again.

Eric: Yeah, it wouldn’t be much of a payoff if he had had that “Dobby?” moment at the beginning of the book and then we just didn’t see Dobby this whole book.

Laura: Right, exactly.

Micah: Yeah, that would not have been cool at all. And it comes on the heels of Hermione taking Harry and Ron away from a really fun time, right? They’re partying it up in Gryffindor tower; the last thing that they want to do is to go follow Hermione on her house-elf crusade, but they end up in the kitchens and Harry is greeted around his midriff with a bone-crushing hug. And what better introduction by…? What character is better introduced in this series, or reintroduced, I should say, than Dobby? And Dobby, he’s doing well. He’s been…

Andrew: He’s happy!

Micah: He’s happy, and he’s dressing the part, and I thought we could talk a little bit about that. And since both he and Mr. Weasley like to dress in Muggle clothing, we could do a bit of a comparison here of “Who wore it better?”

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Dobby, when he greets Harry, is wearing a tea cozy for a hat, a tie patterned with horseshoes over a bare chest, Andrew, and children’s football shorts and odd socks.

Andrew: [laughs] “A bare chest, Andrew.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Andrew, thoughts? Is this making you feel a certain way?

Andrew: Yeah, what the heck? So should we do the poll first and then we can discuss?

Laura: Yeah, so I actually… well, how did you…?

Micah: Do you want to mention what Mr. Weasley is wearing, Laura?

Laura: Yeah, so Mr. Weasley, for this comparison, is wearing a golfing sweater and a very old pair of jeans, slightly too big for him and held up with a thick leather belt. So I wanted to ask y’all if you wanted to guess how patrons voted? So the question that we posed in our Discord was, [laughs] “Who wears Muggle clothes better, Dobby or Mr. Weasley?”

Eric: Listen, I know this is funny. I know this is fun to do. But there’s no way Mr. Weasley doesn’t come away with the gold here, right?

Andrew: What?!

Eric: Because he’s a grown adult man. He understands that you need something on your top, on your bottom, on your shoes. I think it’s Mr. Weasley, far and away.

Laura: Do you?

Eric: Yeah!

Laura: What does everyone else think?

Andrew: I think Dobby. It’s a house-elf in human clothing, which is so cute, the visual there.

Eric: Oh my God.

Andrew: If you think of the character Ted from the movies with Mark Wahlberg and the TV show – which is very good, by the way – sometimes Ted will be wearing human clothes like a suit, and it is the cutest thing ever. Partly because Ted is foul-mouthed and that he’s wearing these adorable outfits, [laughs] but I just love the idea of an animal in human clothing.

Eric: I do like it when Brian does it on Family Guy.

Micah: No, I mean, I would vote Dobby.

Laura: Okay. Well, I think two of you are going to be really pleased: Dobby actually does win this one.

Andrew: Woo!

Eric: God, what?

Laura: So 62% of people who took part in the poll said that Dobby wears Muggle clothes better.

Eric: No, I didn’t vote. Okay, well, now it’s eight and ten, okay.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: I’m on the Discord. I can vote. I don’t understand! Dobby can’t put two items together. Dobby is a walking clash of… he makes wizards look better at dressing.

Andrew: I think Arthur needs a fitting. It sounds like the pants would be falling down if it weren’t for the belt. The pants are also very old. Now, I know jeans last a while, but he’s a working man. He should wear some nice clothing.

Micah: I agree with you, Andrew. The thing that bothers me, and you alluded to this, is that Arthur works in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office. He encounters Muggles on a regular basis; he should know how they dress. There’s no excuse for him dressing oddly, and that’s being generous.

Eric: Maybe the Muggles that Mr. Weasley encounters are all misusing their fashion. They’re all misusing their clothes.

Andrew: Oh, oh.

Micah: Maybe.

Andrew: No, I mean, but he’s…

Laura: You know what I love? Dobby is unapologetically himself, and I think somebody who is unapologetically themselves will win a poll like this every time.

Eric: Okay.

Micah: Like I said, he’s got the neck tie over the bare chest, like a rockstar out on stage.

[Laura laughs]

Micah: He’s true to himself.

Eric: It is a bit Keith Richards.

Andrew: And Arthur is a human. He’s not… he should still know how to wear clothes.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: It shouldn’t matter if he’s a wizard or not.

Laura: Well, okay, and let’s be clear; it’s not that he doesn’t know how to wear clothes, right? His outfit, it’s a golfing sweater, old jeans that are too big on him, and a belt. It’s boring, but it’s not that he doesn’t know how to dress. Dobby’s outfit is so much more colorful and interesting.

Micah: Yeah, including the sock that freed him.

Laura: Aw, yeah. That warmed my heart.

Andrew: Yeah, when I read that part, I was like, “Harry should’ve signed that sock for him.” Like, “I did that.”

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Laura: Sorry, that tickled me.

Micah: So we’re going to shift gears a little bit here and we’re going to start talking about house-elves in terms of their history and their enslavement, and how Dobby, despite being a free elf, is actually a bit of an outcast within his own community. And I wanted to start by asking: What do we all think it is in Dobby’s character that really makes him enjoy being free, unlike the other house-elves? And I think he does have a good understanding of the history of his kind, and in many instances, that informs how he acts and what he says, even though he has a tendency to get carried away when Harry is around. But yeah, what is it that makes him a different spirit amongst the rest of the house-elves?

Laura: I think it has to do with the family that he served, and that’s not to say that other elves didn’t serve similar families to the Malfoys or that they didn’t have similar circumstances, but you’re talking about Lucius Malfoy, who was one of one of the inner circle of Death Eaters, right? And we know from Dobby talking about this to Harry in the past, many house-elves actually really admire and like Harry because he ended one of the darkest points in modern wizard history without even trying, to be honest; it was really his mom that ended it. I imagine that Dobby living through that and seeing the downfall, if you will, of his family’s level of overt prominence when it came to their pure-blood madness and ideology, I imagine watching that come to an end and watching his family grapple with that probably felt satisfying to him, and that explains why he allies himself with Harry so much, even though he’s never met the kid in his life, and why he goes out of his way and puts himself at genuine risk to protect the person that his very owner is trying to take out. So I think it’s that very unique mindset that was bred due to the environment that Dobby was living in.

Micah: And I don’t think it’s fair of us to presume that every single house-elf enjoys their situation, right? I’m sure that there are examples of owners who treat the house-elves with respect and with dignity, but to borrow a phrase, there’s no such thing as a good slave owner, right? So that’s what we’re dealing with here. I think there’s probably other examples of Dobbies out there, but they’re so few and far between that we’re not really going to… in a story that’s really focused on Harry, we’re not going to see all that.

Andrew: And just thinking about this a little further, I mean, it was ingrained in him that this was just his role, and maybe he was just more willing than other house-elves to step outside their comfort zone and give something new a try. He’s not fully accepting of shredding the house-elf life either. I mean, he does insist to Dumbledore that he works more for less, so parts of being a slave are still instilled in him. And I think it just would take time for any house-elf to fully move on from that. I mean, it’s been, what, a year and a half? Two years?

Micah: Yeah, it’s been almost two years. I think that a different way of looking at that now, though, is that Dobby, he’s not necessarily going back to the old way of doing things. He’s free and is willingly choosing to be employed by somebody and to be compensated for that employment, which is a different set of circumstances from before. I mean, Dobby could have asked Dumbledore to put him somewhere else on the grounds, right? Not in the kitchen, or give him another job that he could have easily done for him.

Eric: But to Andrew’s point, he talks Dumbledore down for payment. Dumbledore would have given him ten Galleons a week, and he’s like, “Oh, one is fine. And I don’t want off weekends.”

Andrew: Right. Just one day off a month; is that what the deal is?

Eric: I think it is, yeah. And with Dobby, it’s a constant question for me of were the Malfoys just so bad that his brain just values freedom so much that Dobby is the way he is to the point where every other house-elf thinks he’s absolutely nuts – even Winky, who has been dismissed, thinks Dobby is absolutely nuts – or was Dobby always this way? I mean, if we think back to Chamber of Secrets where Dobby shows up at Privet Drive, yes, the Malfoys were horrible to him, I’m sure, and yes, they were plotting; they were the ones doing the plotting. But I bet there are other house-elves out there who really couldn’t have made it to Privet Drive, who really couldn’t have due to magic, or due to personality. No matter how bad things got, they have to keep their masters’ secrets, which is something that’s talked about in this chapter. And so I think it might be a little bit of both: The Malfoys were uniquely awful in certain ways, but Dobby also was maybe predisposed to this anarchy of being a free elf.

Andrew: “Dobby is a visionary,” as SnailSong said in our Discord. I like that short answer.

Eric: I think SnailSong was talking about his clothing choice again. He’s getting a lot of love ever since I said mean things about Dobby.

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Honestly, I don’t understand the Dobby hate because I love Dobby.

Andrew: Who’s hating Dobby?

Laura: I remember when we were doing Chamber of Secrets

Micah: People thought he was annoying.

Laura: … and everybody was talking about how annoying he was. And he’s a visionary! SnailSong is so right. Dobby 2024.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Andrew: All visionaries are annoying. Steve Jobs was annoying. Elon Musk is annoying, and maybe not a visionary, but he’s definitely annoying. [laughs]

Eric: Well, Dobby, you’re a real one.

Micah: Eric, I think we’re going to dig in a little bit more to what you were talking about and really the generational trauma that exists here amongst house-elves and their ancestry, really, because it’s multiple generations of families that usually serve a wizarding family.

Andrew: And we will also talk about Winky, but first we’re going to take a quick break, and we’ll Floo right back.

[Ad break]

Micah: Wanted to talk a little bit about Winky because she is the opposite end of the spectrum to Dobby as of right now, and her current situation is a bad one. We saw it all play out at the Quidditch World Cup. What do we make of the state that she is in when we first really get the chance to meet her? And, more importantly, what do we make of her perception of Dobby?

Laura: Her world has been turned upside down. Everything she’s ever known has been ripped away from her. Even generations of ingrained knowledge that were passed down to her, completely useless now, because she’s not in the only situation that she was ever socialized to know. And what I love about getting to see this is that it really shows Hermione, I think, for the first time, that the issue of house-elf liberation is a lot more complicated than she thinks it is. It isn’t as simple as saying, “Hey, 100 people bought my buttons; you have freedom now,” and I think that we see Hermione quietly grapple with this in this chapter.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Eric: I mean, even by the end of the chapter, Hermione is dead on when she says that over time, people like Dobby will convince the other house-elves that maybe there’s more out there. I think that the exposure of Dobby is something that the other house-elves will ultimately benefit from, and Hermione is actually right that that’s something that they don’t need to change that; they don’t need to affect that. They’re just going to leave the kitchens and Dobby’s presence there will hopefully eventually convince some house-elves that they should seek a different arrangement. But you’re exactly right; she tries to, Hermione does, comfort Winky, and it fails miserably, and that forces Hermione to really come to terms with “Why isn’t this working?” And Winky is talking about it, and to be fair, the trio only has half the story of what really is happening with Crouch. That’s not going to come out till the end of the book. But for me, it is interesting seeing Hermione fail and then have to readjust and try something different.

Andrew: And this is one thing that can happen when you’re a kid; you have these rose-colored glasses on and you think, “Oh, it is going to be as simple as handing out the badges,” or I mean, maybe Hermione got this idea of how simple it could be just by seeing Dobby’s transformation. “Oh, here’s the sock. Suddenly everything’s great for Dobby.” As for how Winky perceives Dobby, I think it’s so interesting to see the two at the same time with Dobby so happy to see Harry, and vice versa, but then there’s Winky, who’s clearly been traumatized because of these, as Laura said, generations of being taught that you are working for a master and that’s how it is, and then to have the rug pulled out from under you. I can see why Winky is feeling this way. It’s too bad Dobby can’t maybe try and do something to help. It doesn’t really seem like Dobby does. He’s just happy.

Micah: He does. He brings her to Hogwarts.

Andrew: Well, yeah, okay. But I mean, I don’t know. I’m picturing them sitting down and hugging or something really cute, and Dobby being like, “It’ll be okay, Winky.”

Micah: Yeah. I mean, it does raise the question how they really did come across each other.

Eric: It seems like they knew each other for years, but I don’t know how they would have met. Oh wait, we solved this before, didn’t we? Because Barty Crouch is a big wizard dude, and the Malfoys are big wizard dudes, and they probably go to the same benefits and they probably drink the same punch.

Andrew: Yes, the same parties at the Malfoys’ house.

Eric: So the house-elves would surely have… yeah, yeah. There you go. Okay.

Micah: So they worked together to put the…

Andrew: At an event.

Eric: Like a fundraiser for St. Mungo’s or something, yeah.

Micah: Well, one of the things that does turn Winky around, at least for a brief moment, is the mention of Barty Crouch, Sr. That leads into the mention of Ludo Bagman, and Winky is very clear on how she feels about Ludo Bagman. She says that he is a “bad wizard.” So to deconstruct this, I came up with a couple of different options as to what “bad wizard” can mean: Ludo sucks at magic, Ludo is a bad person, Ludo is bad at his job, or he put Harry’s name in the Goblet of Fire. Any of these things could be true. All of them could be true. [laughs] But we’ve talked a lot about how suspicion is cast on Ludo throughout many of these chapters so far, and this would be another way for the author to be communicating to the reader that maybe Ludo is the one responsible for Harry’s name going in the Goblet.

Andrew: Yeah, I did some googling on this, too, because I thought maybe there were some theories out there. So I saw on Reddit that in the Pensieve, Harry witnesses a younger Bagman be accused of passing information to the Death Eaters, but he was acquitted with a vote.

Laura: Yep.

Andrew: So it’s not clear whether he did it willingly or not. But Dumbledore states that he has not been accused of any subsequent activity, and Crouch Sr. found him despicable and most likely fumed about it at home, and that’s where Winky heard it.

Laura: Yeah, the impression that we’re given through that is that Ludo is just kind of a goofball, not super competent in a lot of ways, and that he didn’t realize who he was passing information to. And I think there’s probably a reading that you can do of this one way or the other; it’s never explicitly confirmed whether he did it intentionally or not. But he’s clearly, I would say, at best, morally ambiguous. And I really do love this reading of Ludo as a potential suspect because I’ll be honest, when I first read the book – granted, I was like, 11 – that never crossed my mind at all. I just thought this guy was kind of a tool.

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Well, you were right.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. Well, it is interesting to pick up these clues and be like, “This is clearly meant to indicate that Bagman might have been the bad guy,” because definitely, I think… we’ve all shared that we weren’t necessarily super close-searching through this mystery when we were reading this book; there was so much else that this book does. But what I had the thought of as I was reading this chapter was maybe the reason that I never really suspected Bagman, or never got too in on the mystery, is that the trio doesn’t engage with the mystery. They never really sit down and say, “We have to solve this.” They’re picking up the clues. The clues are presented to them. It’s things like this in a scene where Winky is like, “Bagman is a bad wizard,” but at no point does the trio actually say, “We’ve got to get together and actually figure it out,” and as a result of that, I think that’s why the mystery largely just whizzes by, and you’re like, “Okay.” But it’s nice, at least, to see that the clues were here in case anybody was interested in following.

Micah: Well, I would just say that’s because it’s not an ever-present danger in the same way that the Chamber of Secrets is an ever-present danger; trying to figure out who opened it would solve a lot of problems. For the Goblet of Fire spitting out Harry’s name, it’s a done deal, right? Now they need to let the tournament play itself out. It doesn’t really matter in hindsight who put Harry’s name in. His name is already in. He’s already in the tournament.

Andrew: [laughs] Come hell or high water.

Micah: Yeah. Eric, like with what you were saying, I don’t really know that they need to solve that mystery in so much as they need to worry about the competitions that Harry is going to face.

Eric: Well, and they’re getting distracted by them. I will say, too, that’s a good point, Micah; the only thing that could be continually a problem is if whoever put his name in actually did so because they wanted to kill him and they might return to finish him off. That’s exactly what happens. So Harry is still very much under threat; it’s just the kids are distracted with all the glamour and the steps that they have to take to make it through the school year that it’s hidden in a less direct way than the Sorcerer’s Stone being stolen any day now, or the Chamber of Secrets, to your point.

Micah: Though, Laura, I know that you were talking earlier about Hermione, and this is really the first time she’s confronted with the situation that she’s trying to resolve, right? Because she’s literally in the midst of maybe a hundred house-elves, and these are the individuals that she is trying to help, but she’s not doing the things that you would expect maybe an adult to do in order to maybe benefit her cause. She’s not even sitting down and having a conversation with any of them. She’s just trying to free them.

Laura: Well, yeah. And part of it is, too, she’s assuming that she knows what they would want, right? Even when she turns to Winky and says, “How much is Professor Dumbledore paying you?”

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Laura: It’s like, you know what happened to Winky. You were there. You can tell that Winky is distraught. Perhaps now is not the time to try and open that line of discussion, because Winky is clearly struggling with the situation that she’s finding herself in. So if anything, maybe focus on her wellbeing first?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: This reminds me of when Han Solo gets taken by the Ewoks to be cooked for dinner for saying something, just because it’s like, you would never expect it of these cute little creatures, but they don’t want anything to do with what you’re bringing. And Hermione could have been in a lot of danger if the house-elves had a single mean bone in their body.

Laura: No, that doesn’t happen till the seventh book.

Micah: Speaking of Dumbledore and his willingness to pay house-elves, he’s clearly an ally. He clearly is somebody who is willing to stand up for house-elves. Now, Dobby certainly is one to present his case before Dumbledore and ask for what he wants…

[Eric laughs]

Micah: … but it’s clear that if any of the other house-elves decided to do that, he would compensate them and he would give them time off. I think it would be nice of Dumbledore to maybe offer that, but that’s a conversation for another time. They don’t have to come to you; you can be like, “Hey, you’ve been working down in the Hogwarts kitchens for decades…”

Andrew: “It’s time to start paying you something.”

Micah: But the way Dumbledore is painted is as an ally, right? That’s that comes through in Dobby’s story that he tells to Harry.

Andrew: Yeah, it says a lot that Dumbledore is actually willing and happy to pay and give the house-elves weekends off or give them two days off a week. I think it’s great. Dumbledore is a good guy.

Eric: I do think Dumbledore is amused by Dobby…

Andrew: [laughs] Amused.

Eric: … but I do also wonder, if they actually somehow managed to convince 20 house-elves to come up and each ask for ten Galleons a week, I wonder at what point Dumbledore would be like, “Ah, hold on there. Hold on.”

Andrew: Well, that is a whole other discussion that we could probably spend a good hour on, which is how does Hogwarts get money to pay its professors to run the school?

Eric: Yeah, but I mean, Dumbledore for now is very much being… I mean, he offers Dobby well more than Dobby would ever take, and he tells Dobby that he could call him bad names, and Dobby can’t even dream of it.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, and I thought that should be the episode title: “A Barmy Old Codger.”

Laura: I also just love how Dobby giggles when he says this.

Micah: He whispers it to Harry, right?

Laura: Yeah, you can tell he’s a little bit amused by it. He would never do it; it’s too scary to do, but he definitely gets a kick out of it.

Micah: For sure.

Laura: And I wanted to point out, too, some currency conversion rates…

Eric: Oh, God.

Laura: … just so we have an appropriate appreciation for what a Galleon equals. So one Galleon equals just under £5, or just over $7. Ten Galleons, which is originally what Dumbledore offers Dobby, equals a little over £49 and about $73. So that’s a week. Dobby is making $7 a week.

Andrew: Yeah, I mean, for a house-elf, he’s a millionaire. But yes, by normal standards, it’s terrible. However, they do get presumably free lodging at Hogwarts.

Eric: That costs something.

Andrew: I’m sure they’re all packed in like sardines, but they’ve got a place to lay their head down at night.

Eric: It is so funny to look at Dobby and be like, “He’s the 1% at Hogwarts.”

Andrew: [laughs] He’s the 1%.

Eric: Dobby is the 1%. That’s why he’s so fashionable. He is putting on the ritz; he literally has more money than every other house-elf in the world.

Andrew: That’s a good point. He goes to Goodwill and he buys some nice clothes and puts them all together for a look.

Eric: Poppin’ some tags.

Micah: I’m curious, though, why Dobby took so long to come to Hogwarts. Because it’s mentioned that he tried to get work other places, but when he asked for compensation, he’s basically laughed out of the building by whomever he was going to. And maybe I could see that taking up a little bit of his time, but for two years, the fact that he didn’t even think of coming to Hogwarts until Goblet of Fire… I mean, it’s convenient writing, of course, but it does seem strange that he wouldn’t have thought to come to Hogwarts before that.

Eric: I think Dobby has a sense that he’s an outsider, and I think he was more apprehensive about the other house-elves not liking him. Why would you put yourself in a situation where you’re in a room with 100 other house-elves and they all think you’re crazy? If you can just go and be a house-elf for an inn somewhere and the owner treats you well, isn’t that more immediately safe in the short term than going to…? I think maybe Dobby avoided Hogwarts because of all the house-elves that would not accept him.

Laura: Yeah, well, who knows what kind of work he was out there trying to get? I could also see Dobby avoiding a place like Hogwarts because he knows exactly the work that he’ll be doing there, and he’s thinking, “I’m not a servant anymore. I don’t want to do that work.” But unfortunately, at this stage, it’s the only work available for him.

Andrew: Yeah, I also really liked this comment from James, who said, “Dobby knows about the Chamber of Secrets and was scared of the security nightmare that is Hogwarts, but he caved after a year and a half.”

[Micah laughs]

Laura: Probably.

Andrew: I also wonder why Dobby didn’t try to find Harry sooner after he came to Hogwarts. It sounded like Dobby had been there for a week at that point. Given how much Dobby loves Harry and how excited Dobby surely knows Harry would be to see him, why not see him sooner? I find that a little surprising. But it’s okay, Dobbs. It’s okay.

Micah: Or why not make contact at all during the third year, right?

Eric: I still think of Dobby as being so bound by laws. Like, house-elves can’t just reach out to random students that aren’t their masters.

Micah: Well, he can.

Eric: He did under great duress, but something snapped there.

Micah: No, but I’m saying post-Chamber of Secrets, he wouldn’t have had any restrictions. But all that being said, I mean, we do see it even in this chapter where he physically harms himself after saying something bad about the Malfoys, so it still triggers him.

Laura: Yeah, it’s still in there.

Eric: That’s what I’m saying. I think that the concept of a free elf is so rare and so not thought out that Dobby thinks that he can say that, and he’s calling himself a free elf, but we see that it’s still very much not 100% freedom here. And it is interesting to think whether it’s habitual that he punishes himself or whether there’s still some remnant of that extremely strong magic.

Laura: Yeah. I mean, either way, it’s not something that he’s going to snap out of overnight.

Micah: Right.

Laura: It’s going to take a long time.

Micah: So just wrapping up the Dumbledore portion of this, Dobby also mentions that he can keep Dumbledore’s secrets, and I wanted to know what this meant. Are we to believe that Dobby might be doing some additional work for Dumbledore that could make him in the know of certain things that are going on, whether it’s related to Hogwarts or it’s related to some of Dumbledore’s personal business?

Eric: Dumbledore definitely has use for agents in that way. I hate to think Dumbledore beat Harry to the punch of using Dobby as an agent, but it’s certainly possible.

Laura: I also think that given the work that house-elves do, the fact that they live in their owners’ homes, they’re around them a lot in the residence, I feel like there’s probably this expectation of the elves really not creating any kind of distraction or really even being seen. I mean, we even see this in the way elves are portrayed in Hogwarts Legacy, right? You get too close to them and they just disappear. I think there’s an expectation that they make themselves scarce while also attending to their duties, and in order to do both of those things successfully, they’re going to end up overhearing a lot of things that their owners probably don’t want other people knowing about. So I think that is a really big part of it. But I’m sure there have been cases where – in fact, we know there have been – cases where elves have been used as confidants, so I think it goes both ways, actually.

Andrew: Yeah, I like your point. It’s similar to you live with somebody, you are going to be saying things in your home that you might not say out in public or in front of other people, and there’s just basically an unspoken agreement that many things should probably not be repeated outside of the house or in front of other particular people.

Micah: So just wanted to wrap up talking about the conditioning of house-elves. It’s kind of been this theme throughout the conversation; we’ve talked about both Dobby and Winky, but what we’re seeing is that house-elves have been enslaved for so long that they believe that this is all there is for them in life. And it’s generation upon generation of trauma, and when it’s all you or your family has known, the thought of change can be crippling both emotionally and physically, and we see that really come to life with Winky in particular in this chapter.

Laura: Yeah, and I think part of that is we have to remember, too, Winky was kind of… I think she was a lot more prized by Mr. Crouch than Dobby was of the Malfoys. I mean, Barty took her everywhere with him, right? She actually had, I think, more depth of understanding of the goings-on in his life because he used to talk to her about work. I don’t think the Malfoys would ever sit down and talk to Dobby about their personal lives or their work lives, right?

Andrew: No.

Eric: Right.

Laura: So I think to an extent, Winky has lost the only way of life she’s ever known, but she’s also lost the only person who is probably the closest thing to a friend she’s ever had, too, and he’s the one who banished her.

Andrew: Right, and think how much time they’d spent together over the years. And I don’t know if this is just a movie-ism, but to your point about the Malfoys, Lucius kicks Dobby in the movie. Can you see Crouch doing that? I don’t think so.

Eric and Laura: No.

Andrew: That’s not the relationship that they had. Dobby was…

Laura: That was definitely a Jason Isaacs improv moment.

Micah: It was.

Andrew: Okay.

Laura: But it was totally on brand.

Andrew: Yes. [laughs]

Eric: I can 100%… and they wouldn’t even call him by his name; they would say “elf” and he would have to appear. That’s the kind of Malfoy behavior.

Micah: Yeah, and a lot of this we’ve touched on already. Dobby is really an outcast amongst his fellow house-elves. He’s the weird one in the room.

Andrew: But Hagrid already knew that too. Didn’t Hagrid call him the weird one? “There’s always a weird one”?

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Eric: “There’s an odd one in every…” Yeah, yeah.

Laura: Yeah, Hagrid is one to talk, by the way.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Ah, well.

Micah: And Dobby in particular, just to the point that was raised about the movie-ism, he’s had his job physically beaten into him at times. And look, presumably, not all wizarding families with house-elves behave this way, but that’s still not an excuse.

Eric: Yeah, I mean, look at the Blacks. Kreacher and his whole family grow up knowing that the highest that they can ascend to in the household is having their head put on a wooden plaque in the hallway of the stairwell, so that’s great.

Micah: The house-elves, one thing that is worth mentioning that we didn’t talk much about in this episode, is that they do take great pride in their work, and they’re easily offended. And what comes to mind is when the trio are leaving the kitchens and Ron is so willing to take what the house-elves are offering, but Hermione is so standoffish; it never really crosses Hermione’s mind that by not taking something, it could be seen as an offense because of the work that the house-elves put into making the food.

Eric: One of the most telling lines is when Ron says, “Man, this whole time I thought Fred and George were amazing for getting all this food from the kitchens, but now I see that they want you to have it; they hoist it upon you,” and that’s 100% right. And I couldn’t help but be a little saddened and made uncomfortable when I was reading about the house-elves; they’re on their way out and they’re forcing… they’re really offering them additional sweets and everything.

Laura: Well, again, it is ingrained in everything they’ve ever known, and probably the closest they get to people being nice to them is when they’re doing something nice for people, right?

Micah: That’s a great point.

Laura: That’s probably the only time they even get a smidgen of kindness from people, and even then it’s probably not that great.

Micah: Definitely. The clearest example, I’ll say, of the generational trauma that we talked about is with Dobby and the fact that he physically harms himself still to this day, even when speaking poorly about the Malfoys. This idea that old habits die hard, I mean, I would say it’s more than a habit, and this would likely be true of so many of the house-elves were they to be freed, right? They’ve been ingrained with a certain set of practices that… in some cases, it’s been physically instilled in them, not just mentally or emotionally installed in them, but physically instilled in them that if you do or you say something that is against the person who you work for, you need to harm yourself, and that is very disturbing.

Eric: Let’s bring up the mood a little bit; talking about house-elves, I did ask the Discord what other jobs Dobby would be looking for, because we said maybe he doesn’t want to do housework all the time, and people had some really funny ideas. So real quick, TresGatos says, “Minerva’s assistant.” Becky says, “Surfing instructor.” [laughs] That’s totally wild.

Laura: Oh, hell yeah.

Micah: On the Black Lake.

Eric: Yeah. LegalizeGillyweed: “Dobby from accounting.” That could work.

Laura: Oh, I love that.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Oh, James says, “Actually, I want Dobby to be the next Anna Wintour, premiere house-elf fashion designer.”

[Laura laughs]

Eric: Okay. Lisa Litchfield says, “Hostage negotiator.” Carly says, “Headhunter job consultant.” And here’s my favorite – absolutely should have been very obvious – Justin Sharkey says, “Sock model.”

[Andrew laughs]

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Micah: That might be the winner.

Laura: I think that’s a winner.

Andrew: I think he should open a shop called Dobby’s Donuts, and he just makes donuts.

Laura: Oh, man.

Micah: Sock donuts?

Andrew: Sure. Yeah, it could be a cream-filled sock – no, that sounds really bad.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: But I was thinking he could hang the donut…

Micah: [laughs] On the doorknob?

Andrew: … on his nose, when selling them. [laughs] Just it hangs on his nose for a second, then he flips up his head and it gets into your hands or something like that. That could be fun.

Laura: [laughs] I think you should stop.

Andrew: [laughs] Oh, James said, “Dobby Lobby,” like Dobby would buy Hobby Lobby, I guess, with all of his Hogwarts income.

Micah: Yeah. We have one last point here about Winky and how she’s worried about how Mr. Crouch is faring without her. We talked a little bit about this earlier, how ashamed she is for having been the one to break the decades of proud service.

Andrew: Yeah, well, this just reminds me of how in the Muggle world some corporations will make you feel guilty for taking a week off, and one example of this is companies will offer unlimited PTO – unlimited paid time off – “You take as much work as you want off; it doesn’t matter to us.” But really, it’s a ploy to make you feel guilty about taking time off, so then you take less time off. [laughs]

Eric: Huh.

Laura: Yeah, it’s a scam.

Eric: More is less.

Andrew: There’s shame built into the Muggle corporate world to keep you working, and Winky, too, is feeling shame because she feels like she should always be working.

Eric: For me, there’s an extra nuance here about Winky, which is obviously the whole stuff with Barty Crouch, Jr. I see it get in the way when Winky is talking about the Crouch thing, because neither she nor Crouch Sr. will ever mention that Crouch Jr. factored into this at all. Winky was sacked because she let Barty Crouch, Jr. go by accident. Barty Crouch, Jr. overpowered her and got away and cast the Dark Mark, leading to this scandal, and so Winky is feeling like a failure because she really did fail to do something. It isn’t because Crouch was mean for no reason, which is what Hermione thinks it is and what Hermione is trying to comfort her for, so they’re just never going to see eye to eye because of this key difference in what really happened versus what Winky is talking about.

Micah: It’s a really great point. And last time we went through this chapter, I don’t know that we would have spent so much time diving deep into the plight of the house-elves. I think we probably would have been more focused on the plot back in 2010, so while I know this is a challenging discussion at times, I really appreciate you all jumping in and contributing the way that you did.

Andrew: Back at you, Micah. No, it’s a good discussion to have. And we’ve said it before, but one reason we love doing Chapter by Chapter today at the present stage of our lives is because it’s really interesting to read this text with the benefit of more lived experiences and seeing what’s going on in the world and whatnot.

Micah: Absolutely. But the most important thing is that Dobby is back, and he will have a role to play in the rest of Goblet of Fire and the rest of the series.

Andrew: Let’s go get donuts after the show to celebrate the big return of Dobby.

Micah: Let’s do it.

Andrew: Woo!

[Micah laughs]


Odds & Ends


Micah: We did have one Odd & End, though, to close us out.

Laura: Yeah, I didn’t want to miss this. So we’re reminded that Dean Thomas is really good at drawing, so he puts together these elaborate banners for the Gryffindor common room party to celebrate Harry’s triumph at the first task. And of course, they depict Harry’s win and getting the dragon egg, but what they also depict is Cedric Diggory with his head on fire, and I’m like, [laughs] “Dean, that’s a little chaotic.”

Micah: Too soon.

Eric: Too soon. Too early.

Laura: For real!

Eric: It’s going to go from being too early to being way too soon forever.

Andrew: Yes.

Laura: Yeah. I mean, honestly, nowadays if you did that, it would automatically be considered a death threat.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: I mean, yeah, it’s probably a cartoony kind of drawing. I don’t know if that makes it better or worse. It’s the school pride thing; it’s Dean’s own personal retort to “Potter stinks” badges, and I think it’s very funny.

Micah: Well, it also kind of completes the crew, right? We talked about Seamus and Neville and Ron earlier; now you have Dean in the fold. It’s like everybody’s Team Harry, right?

Eric: Oh, that’s a great point. Yeah.

Andrew: Would you call this foreshadowing? We’re kind of circling around that.

Eric: It ain’t not.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: It’s foreboding.

Laura: I think it’s a small nod.

Andrew: Foreboding, yeah. Maybe he cursed him with this move. Maybe Dean is…

Eric: It’s not Krum with his head on fire.


MVP of the Week


Andrew: Okay, it’s time for MVP of the Week.

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: And I said earlier, Dumbledore sure is a good guy, paying the house-elves. I’m going to give my MVP of the Week to Dumbledore for coughing up some coin for Dobby, and any other house-elf Who will accept it.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: And he even offered more than Dobby wanted! Hermione would have been big mad if she found out Dumbledore refused to pay him.

Eric: Yeah. Speaking of Hermione, she is not smooth ever, nearly ever, but in this chapter she’s extremely smooth. She manages to just coax out of Fred and George, “Oh, yeah, how do you get down to the kitchens, by the way?” And she’s not completely unscathed; they do know what she’s doing, but they tell her first, so good to Hermione.

Micah: I’m going to give it to Dobby’s hug. Best moment of the chapter.

Andrew and Eric: Aww.

Eric: You ever been hugged by shirtless elf?

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: That’s a story for another time.

Laura: Right. [laughs]

Andrew: “Well, one Christmas…”

Micah: Bonus MuggleCast.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: “One Christmas in the Castro, I was hugging a shirtless elf.”

Laura: Ah, yes. Anyway. [laughs] I’m going to give mine to Dobby, mainly because I really respect and admire his character, and I love the move that he pulled here to basically be like, “I know that when they say ‘Those who need help will always find it at Hogwarts,’ they didn’t really mean me – they didn’t really mean house-elves – but I’m going to make it about me and I’m going to go to Hogwarts and get some help.” Good job, Dobby.

Andrew: Listeners, if you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can email or send a voice memo recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. We do prefer the voice memos. And also, whether you send us a voice memo – because it is higher quality; that’s why we prefer it – or if you call us, please try to keep your message about a minute long, so for future Muggle Mail episodes we can fit in as many voicemails as possible. And next week we’ll discuss Goblet of Fire Chapter 22, “The Unexpected Task.”


Quizzitch


Andrew: But for now, it’s time for Quizzitch.

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s Quizzitch question: What is the pattern of Dobby’s tie when Harry first encounters him in the Hogwarts kitchens? It’s horseshoes! Last week’s winners included Buff Daddy; All Snapes and Sizes; All that rhymes with Yule is making boys a fool and making death look cruel…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: … Cedric Doggery hates Labradors; Dobby’s chest hair…

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: … Dobby’s LinkedIn account includes fanfic about Harry; Elizabeth K.; Excited Huffie Puffie; Harry’s face when he realizes Voldemort died of old age two years ago; If this were reality TV, Karkaroff would have been kicked off; JennyPenny; LC; The ghosts of MuggleCast hosts past… ooh.

Andrew: They’re all still alive, last time I checked.

Eric: They’re all… yeah. The sad pair of Dobby’s socks that just want as much attention as his tie… aw. And finally, With the first pick in the 1995 NFL Draft the Indianapolis Colts select Dobby the Free House-Elf because of his horseshoe tie!

Andrew: That’s another job for him.

Eric: I guess it’s a sports reference. I don’t really understand it.

Andrew: Yeah, sounds like it.

Micah: I’m assuming: colt is a horse, horseshoes…

Andrew: Ohh.

Eric: Cool. Thanks, Micah, our sports correspondent. Here is next week’s Quizzitch question: How many girls ask Harry to the Yule Ball? This is a fun one and has to do with next week’s chapter, “The Unexpected Task.” Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or click on “Quizzitch” from the MuggleCast website on the main nav.

Andrew: I’m going to guess it’s more than the number of girls who asked me to prom.

Eric: Which is?

Andrew: One, I think. [sighs] Anyway.

Eric: Well, I technically asked like 600 girls to prom.

Andrew: What do you mean, “technically”? You made a school-wide announcement or something?

Eric: It was morning announcement, yeah.

Andrew: Really!

Micah: How’d it go?

Eric: I said, “Yeah, I want a prom date.” Well, I said, “And in other news, I’m available for prom.”

Andrew: And how many girls came forward?

Eric: My science teacher came forward and said…

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: No, no, wait! Wait, there’s more to it! My science teacher came forward and said that during the morning announcements in her homeroom when I said that, she noticed a girl giggling, and she gave me the name of that girl, who I then found out and actually took to my prom.

Laura: Oh, that’s cute.

Andrew: That’s beautiful.

Micah: I thought that was going in a whole other direction. [laughs]

Eric: No, no, no. I didn’t see that coming at all when I started that sentence. Yeah, no.

Andrew: I give you credit for doing that. That takes guts to go on the morning announcements and do that. I was doing the morning news thing in my school, too; I never would have done that.

Eric: Well, you see, it’s much easier to look into a lens of a camera than to look into the eyes of a girl. Girls are scary.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: So to me it wasn’t anything.

Andrew: Yeah. Okay. Well, listeners, visit MuggleCast.com for transcripts, social media links, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes, and to contact us. Also, visit our Etsy store where you can buy many cool MuggleCast items, like the Cozy Comfy Combo Pack, which are the beanie and socks at one reduced price. We also have signed album art, really signed by all four of us. We’ve also got wooden cars – the MuggleCast Sweet 16 car. You build it yourself; it’s a really fun project. We’ve got T-shirts, and a lot more, too, so MuggleMillennial.etsy.com is where you can buy those items. They’re leftovers from various Patreon benefits. This is a while supplies last thing; once these are gone, they are gone. Don’t miss out on these things. They’re really nice; they really are. If you enjoy the show and think other Muggles would, too, tell a friend about the show, and we would also appreciate if you left us a review in your favorite podcast app. And this show is brought to you by Muggles like you. We don’t have any fancy corporate or network funding; we are proudly an independent podcast, just podcasting about our passion for Harry Potter, so we really depend on your support. And to do that, you can go to Patreon.com/MuggleCast, or you can tap into the show on Apple Podcasts and subscribe to MuggleCast Gold. You’ll get lots of benefits, including but not limited to ad-free episodes, early access to episodes, bonus MuggleCast installments, a new physical gift every year, and a lot more. So thanks, everybody, so much for your support, and thank you for listening to this week’s episode. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Bye, everybody.

Eric and Micah: Bye.

Transcript #652

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #652, Accio, Golden Egg (GOF Chapter 20, The First Task)


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: I’m Micah.

Laura Tee: And I’m Laura.

Andrew: Brush up on your Summoning Charms and figure out how to transfigure a rock into a dog, because this week we’re hightailing it out of the dragon’s den on our Firebolt [laughs] when we discuss Chapter 20, “The First Task.” And to help us jump back into Chapter by Chapter this week, we are joined by one of our Slug Club patrons, Catherine. Welcome, Catherine, to MuggleCast.

Catherine: Hi, thanks for having me. I’ve been looking looking forward to my day to have my chance to host a podcast with you guys. I’m really excited, and it’s a great honor and pleasure to be here with you all.

Eric: Welcome, welcome.

Andrew: It’s our pleasure to have you here.

Laura: We’re excited to have you.

Andrew: Yeah, and you and Laura bonded over being in Georgia, living in the same state.

Catherine: We did.

Andrew: So that was fun.

Laura: Yeah!

Andrew: We’re already besties here, as if we weren’t already all good Harry Potter friends.

Catherine: Besties from the resties.

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Tell us a little bit about yourself. I know you’re a teacher, right?

Catherine: I am. I teach psychology at a college here in town, and yes, it’s a lot of fun. So definitely rereading the Harry Potter books from a more psychological perspective has been interesting for sure, especially this chapter.

Laura: Ooh.

Eric: Cool.

Andrew: And let’s get your fandom ID.

Catherine: All right, so my favorite book is Prisoner of Azkaban. My favorite movie is also Prisoner of Azkaban, but I also like Order of the Phoenix, because as much as I just… I love to hate Umbridge, so I like to watch it and make myself suffer. But I mean, give it up. Imelda Staunton. I mean, come on. Chef’s kiss.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Catherine: For sure. She makes that movie. My Hogwarts House is Ravenclaw, but also sprinkle a little bit of Gryffindor in there because usually when I take the test, it’s either Ravenclaw or Gryffindor, so give it up to my… what, Ravendors? Or Gryffinclaws? My Ilvermorny House is Thunderbird. My Patronus, an aardvark, which I’ve never really heard many people have that one.

Andrew: Ooh. Shout-out Arthur stans.

Catherine: Yeah! I was going to do the “A-A-R-D-V-A-R-K,” the rap from Arthur, but…

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Catherine: Thank you. Thank you. You understand. And then my favorite character, it’s definitely a tough choice because there’s lots of great ones, but I’ve got to go with my gal Luna.

Andrew: Okay. It’s great to have you here, Catherine, and thanks so much for your support on Patreon. We really appreciate your support there.

Catherine: Thank you so much. Absolutely.

Andrew: So before we get into the chapter, a little bit of news. We can call it a news update, I guess. Eric, do you want to tell us the latest comments from an actor?

[Micah laughs]

Eric: Yeah, so this is our actor roundup for the week…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: … because in a recent article published on Bustle, Helena Bonham Carter was asked her thoughts on the Miriam Margolyes situation. So of course, we have commented – it came up on the last two MuggleCast episodes – that Miriam Margolyes recently had some words to say about adult Harry Potter fans, and I guess Bustle took an opportunity to speak with Helena Bonham Carter about her role as Bellatrix in the movies, and also her thoughts on what Miriam had to say. And a quote from the article from Helena Bonham Carter is, “I love that woman, and she’s somebody who has a big inner child. I think however old we are, we’ve got to keep that child alive.” And so that to me speaks to a very calming down of the “Let’s not fan the flame. Let’s be like, ‘It’s good to have an inner child.'”

Andrew: And she’s speaking to us, too, right?

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Andrew: “You can still have that inner…” yeah.

Eric: Because I think there was an implication that we needed to either grow up, or that Harry Potter was for children, I think, in Miriam’s original quote. So I actually found this news to be really satisfying, and it might help dull tensions a little bit.

Andrew: Okay, all right.

Micah: So do we feel like in the next couple of weeks, maybe month or two months, anytime a Harry Potter actor is interviewed, they’re going to get asked a question about Miriam Margolyes? [laughs]

Andrew: Probably.

Eric: It’s so… probably. That’s a good call-out, Micah. And also, I think even Miriam Margolyes realized that it was kind of biting the hand a little bit. She led in her comments by saying, “I’m very grateful to Harry Potter for everything it’s given me.” So this is one of those things where I think the media is having a heyday and they’re sensationalizing comments, and that’s why we get this update of other actors being asked to comment on what Miriam Margolyes has said.

Andrew: Well, thank you, Helena, for standing with us.

Eric: Yeah, and interestingly, that article does talk about the character of Bellatrix, actually, and it was interesting to see that Helena sort of admits that the character of Bellatrix that she played is different than what appears in the books, and she talks about how the Bellatrix character in the movies is a little bit more childish. And I know we definitely got that babying “Neener, neener, neener” kind of personality that really is not a faithful adaptation of the character in the books, who’s just insane, but I think it works.

Laura: I still maintain that Helena Bonham Carter made Bellatrix’s character better, because when we were rereading Order of the Phoenix and reading her character, I was like, “Oh my God, this character does not jump off the page in the same way that Helena Bonham Carter jumped off the screen.”

Eric: Not at all.

Laura: She totally improved Bellatrix.

Andrew: [imitating Bellatrix] “I killed Sirius Black!”

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: That was a great line. That one always sticks with me.

Eric: Yeah, really gets under your skin.

Micah: You could probably argue it got her more screen time in future films than maybe she otherwise would have gotten. I’m thinking about the Burrow scene in particular, which was not in the books, but was added.

Eric: That’s right.

Andrew: But they needed to make it darker, right? That’s what they said at the time.

Micah: Of course, yeah. Well, especially as we progress throughout the course of the Harry Potter films, everything was darker. Everything had to be darker.

Eric: So darker. I could barely see!

Andrew: “It’s getting darker. This is the darkest one yet.”

Micah: The thing I will say for Professor Sprout and Miriam Margolyes is just they didn’t have a whole lot of screen time in this series overall, and maybe that contributed a little bit to how she feels, versus somebody like Helena Bonham Carter, who got a fair amount as the series went on. And of course, she has a fantastic relationship with Daniel Radcliffe, which we saw come to life in the reunion.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Andrew: All right. Well, we’ll see who comments on this next.

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: My money is on one of the trio, probably, and I’m sure they’ll have a nice cordial answer that wins over fans.


Chapter by Chapter: Seven-Word Summary


Andrew: So now it’s time to get into Chapter by Chapter, and this week we are discussing Goblet of Fire Chapter 20, “The First Task.” It’s time for this tournament. And we’ll start as always with our Seven-Word Summary. Here we go.

[Seven-Word Summary music plays]

Micah: Dragons…

Catherine: … are…

Andrew: … afoot…

Eric: … inside…

Micah: … Hogwarts…

Catherine: … grounds…

[Andrew screams]

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: Very good.

Andrew: Yeah, I don’t know how to end that otherwise. [laughs]

[Seven-Word Summary music ends]

Micah: What happened to Laura?

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, where…?

Eric: Oh my God! I forgot… wait, did I not do that right with five people? I just put our names… okay, Laura, if you could change one word, what would it be?

Catherine: Change it, yeah.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Ooh, that’s fun.

Laura: I thought I was getting a break because I did girls MuggleCast last week.

Micah: That’s true.

Eric: Oh my God, that wasn’t my intention at all.

Laura: Trust me, I am aware. I was happy to sit back and watch y’all work the Seven-Word Summary.

Catherine: I have been stressing about this all day. Like, “What is going to happen?” [laughs]

Eric: Oh my gosh.

Laura: No, you did a great job! Honestly, I think we take the risky click and we leave it as is…

Eric: Wow.

Andrew and Catherine: Okay.

Laura: … and we see if this is one of the ones we end up correcting. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes funny ones like this really resonate with people, so…

Andrew: Laura gets to do all seven words next week, so stay tuned, everybody.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: To make up for this.

Laura: Well, that’s not as fun. [laughs]

Andrew: I know, I’m just kidding.


Chapter by Chapter: Main Discussion


Eric: So getting into the chapter, of course – Andrew mentioned this – we finally get face to face with a dragon. The tournament is finally begun. I’m hearing the battle music playing.

Micah: God, it only took 20 chapters.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Well, there was some stuff to introduce first. But yeah, so I’ve broken the chapter into two general components. And of course, Harry is still struggling with what is ahead of him throughout this chapter. It’s bearing down upon him, especially now that he knows that it’s dragons that he has to face. So there’s definitely a lot of anxiety going high, and it definitely is really interesting; this chapter is essentially a good character study on Harry, I think, who, for being the main character, we don’t always check in on, or we don’t see him be as versatile or react so differently to different stimuli as we do in this chapter. It’s really a great study for Harry.

Catherine: It’s kind of funny. I think that we are so inside Harry’s head; we’re seeing it from his perspective, but like you said, we don’t check in with what are his emotions going on right now? What are his intentions behind what he does? What is his motivation behind what he does? We don’t check in with that. I fully agree.

Eric: Yeah, I mean, this whole chapter, he’s basically going from “Oh, Hermione can’t help me; I’m not getting what I need,” to navigating telling Cedric and trying to be fair. Everything that really happens is all… Harry is leading it, and we’re following, but it’s just way different from scene to scene. So the big thing that I did want to call out is Harry does find a really clever way to tell Cedric. He unfortunately splits his brand new backpack, or satchel, which hopefully can be Reparo‘d, but this is the moment where Harry really could have taken what he knows to be an advantage just to him, and we see that Harry is very much not that way at all. He finds the way to tell Cedric, “Hey, Cedric, it’s dragons.” And I just wanted to ask, what does that say about Harry’s character that he does this?

Andrew: It’s one of my favorite types of moments from Harry, just to see him come to the aid of a fellow student. And then once you read back on this, the fact that these were unfortunately Cedric’s final months and giving him an assist…

[Micah laughs]

Eric: God. Tear my heart out!

Andrew: Well, no, really. I mean, it’s like, “Aww, somebody tried.” And the Hogwarts students have to stick together. And Harry could have thought, “Oh, you know what? I’m going to get the advantage over the other Hogwarts student by not telling him,” but he decided, “Because Krum knows, because Fleur knows, because I know, I’m going to make sure Cedric knows, so it’s fair for everybody.” And I just… it’s a very heartwarming moment.

Micah: Yeah, he’s determined, and he’s stalking Cedric through the halls to ensure that he can get some alone time with him. And part of it is I think Harry is longing for some kind of positive connection to anyone that isn’t Hermione. For as much as Hermione has been a great help to him over the course of these last couple of chapters – we see it in this chapter with the Summoning Charm – he is really in need of that connection that he normally has with Ron, and I think by telling Cedric about the task, it validates him, at least in his own mind, as not being the bad guy who snuck into the tournament. I think he’s put in this position where he has to almost clear his own name, and by doing something like this, I think it puts him on better footing with Cedric moving forward.

Eric: That’s such a great, yeah, analysis of Harry needing a friend. And I think he… even if he gets Ron back – which he does at the end of this chapter; everything’s fine now between them – but he needs a friend in this tournament. He needs to have some level of human connection with another one of the champions at minimum. Hopefully, all four of them would have a level of respect that I think they do get to as they know each other better, but nobody knows him. These older students don’t really know him, and they don’t know his character, and so this is really the catalyst for first Cedric realizing… because Cedric even asks Harry, “Why are you telling me this?” And Harry is so taken aback by the question; he’s like, “But it’s fair.”

Andrew: It’s the right thing to do.

Eric: He doesn’t even… that’s the coolest thing about Harry, is he does the right thing, and it’s not difficult for him to do the right thing. This is just what Harry always would have done.

Andrew: It also says to Cedric, “I didn’t put my name in the cup, because why would I put my name in the cup and want to win and then give information to you that could help you win?” So maybe one reason why Harry wanted to tell Cedric was so that Cedric could maybe put the good word in if Cedric is seeing Harry get bullied out and about around school. “Hey, you know what, guys? I really don’t think he did put his name in the Goblet. I think he’s telling the truth.”

Eric: Yeah, we know that Cedric eventually tells the other students, his fellow Hufflepuffs, to not wear the “Potter stinks” badges anymore once it becomes clear to… and I think after the first task alone, when the whole school sees all of them up against dragons, I think more students than will ever say it out loud realize that Harry… yeah, they come to the same realization Ron does, that it would be wildly absurd to think that Harry really chose this for himself. So both Harry’s actions interpersonally and in general, I think, work to clear his name because he’s just a good guy.

Catherine: Absolutely. I mean, that was my point. At the end of the day, Harry has a good heart. We don’t talk about that a lot, but he does. He has a good heart. I don’t see him not sharing that information with Cedric. He knew Cedric didn’t have an informant. I mean, Hagrid was Harry’s informant; the other headmasters clearly in some capacity were the informants to their champions. Cedric doesn’t have anybody. And like we said, he knew it wouldn’t be a fair fight. You’re sending three people in who have this prior knowledge, and that’s not fair. And that’s also not a true Gryffindor either. A true Gryffindor is… you have that bravery, and isn’t it brave to stand up and do the right thing? Harry is showing his true Gryffindor characteristics by sharing that information.

Eric: Is it brave to kneecap yourself and give yourself a disadvantage?

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Catherine: I mean, sometimes. [laughs]

Laura: But I mean, I suppose we could argue that a Slytherin probably wouldn’t do this, right? That it wouldn’t be super characteristic, at least in the way that Slytherins are portrayed at this point in the wizarding world. A Slytherin wouldn’t do this. Maybe a Slytherin by 2024 standards would do it, but I tend to agree with Catherine. I also think it just says that he doesn’t want the unfair advantages or special treatment, because people are always trying to foist that upon him and it makes him uncomfortable. He doesn’t like it. He doesn’t want the special attention. We see this theme throughout the series.

Eric: Yeah, later in this chapter Bagman offers again, too, and Harry is just like, “No. No, thank you.” So it’s funny, Micah, because you mentioned Harry stalking Cedric Diggory trying to find him, get him alone and tell him the secret, because somebody is also stalking Harry, it would seem.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: So Barty Crouch, Jr. – oh, sorry, Mad-Eye Fakey – comes out of a less used classroom or something, right as Harry is telling Cedric, and he’s like, “Potter, come with me.” It’s this classic moment of Harry thinks he’s in trouble; he turns out not to be. However, it is funny because it really does seem like Barty Crouch is keeping a very close eye on Harry Potter, and the whole reason why he calls him to his office is to say, “That was a nice thing,” and have an additional experience with Harry.

Micah: So do we find that to be suspicious activity on the part of Moody at this point? Or do we assume that because of Harry’s predicament, that it’s only natural that somebody like Moody would be tailing Harry?

Eric: The genius is in the equal possibilities, right? Especially in hindsight it seems suspicious, or it’s like, “Oh yeah, Moody is here at this scene because he’s following Harry and looking for a chance to, I think, again win his favor a little bit.” And it’s interesting; we’ll talk in a minute about how he goes about doing that. But definitely in the whole sort of stalking Harry, the way it’s written, as a kid when you’re first reading it, you’re like, “Oh, uh-oh, a teacher just happened to see him cheating,” and the book says, “Is he going to go to Dumbledore? What’s going to happen? Am I going to be expelled from Hogwarts?” it almost asks. It’s the classic “Uh-oh, a teacher just witnessed what I did, which might not be 100% aboveboard,” so it gives you that schoolroom drama that you otherwise wouldn’t have.

Laura: Do y’all think that Dumbledore knows that Fakey is tailing Harry, and has he endorsed this? Knowing that something is amiss, somebody entered Harry’s name in the Goblet of Fire, there was a Death Eater procession at the Quidditch World Cup, there’s been all kinds of weird stuff going on, and they have one of the best Aurors of all time at Hogwarts, do we think that Dumbledore put Moody up to keeping an eye on Harry?

Micah: I wouldn’t be surprised. I’m trying to remember the movie, and something is sticking out in my mind where Dumbledore asks Moody to keep an eye on Harry. I think it’s after Barty Crouch, Sr. is murdered.

Catherine: I think you’re right, Micah.

Andrew: And then of course, the advantage with Moody is that he can see through walls, it seems. Because in this scene, Moody is not…

Micah: Yeah, what a perv.

[Andrew and Catherine laugh]

Andrew: Yeah, we don’t talk about that, though. In this scene, he’s not standing out in the hall and happens to witness this; he just kind of pops out after seeing it, so yeah, there’s many advantages, I think, to enlisting Moody to keep an extra eye on Harry.

Eric: Ahh, keep an eye on. When he says “Keep an eye on him,” he takes it really literally.

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Keep a mad eye on Harry. Get it? Get it?”

Eric: Well, I jump to Dumbledore… doesn’t Dumbledore ask Snape to keep an eye on Draco? Or keep an eye on Quirrell, that’s what it is. He says to Snape, “Can you keep an eye on Quirrell, would you?” And I can easily see that same conversation. Nobody needs to tell Fakey to keep an eye on Harry, believe me. He absolutely will. But I can believe that Dumbledore thinks that he’s solving the problem by asking Moody – who he believes to be Alastor Moody, his old Auror friend – to take a closer look. So I think it works on many levels, which again, for a book that was maybe rushed in printing – we’ve heard it be said before – there’s a lot of really good mystery and things that work on multiple levels. There’s a lot of depth here.

Micah: I want to talk about all of these Dark Detectors that he keeps in his office, and they’re buzzing worse than a beehive during mating season, but it’s not drawing attention to anybody. And in particular, though, I wanted to talk about the Foe-Glass, because Snape being revealed as his true enemy later on in this book really should have been a major clue to his allegiance – and we’ll get there when we get to that chapter – but Moody is doing an introduction to all of these different detectors that are in his office, and they’re all going off, right? The Sneakoscope is going… he said he had to deactivate it, right? If we remember from Prisoner of Azkaban, we all know what the Sneakoscope does. And there was another thing, like a little radio that was doing weird things – I forget the actual name of it – but he’s blaming it on the students! [laughs] He said, “The students are at fault.”

Andrew: Yeah. “Oh, they’re lying about their homework.”

Catherine: The Secrecy Sensor.

Andrew: That’s it.

Eric: Yeah. Well, that’s another thing that works both ways. It works on so many levels. It’s the idea that any of these devices would help you discern where somebody is being tricky or sneaky, when you have a school setting where people are… kids will lie about whether they did their homework or not. I mean, anything.

Micah: It’s the perfect facade. That’s really what it is.

Andrew: Yeah, when I was reading this, it made me think, “Well, can’t you fine tune these to tune out the silly stuff?” Like students lying about their homework, things that ultimately don’t matter, and just fine tune it so it’s only detecting the darkest of magic. You would think Moody would do that, because he doesn’t care, typically, about students lying to each other about who they like and the everyday nonsense that happens in school. And he just… Fakey is a thrill-seeker. Junior is a thrill-seeker, because he also says around this scene, he said, “Oh, these actually could be alerting us to something more than just childhood nonsense.” He’s basically asking Harry to think about it deeper.

Eric: And it’s possible that Fakey did and has fine tuned his Dark Detectors, but if somebody is in his office, he’s going to give the excuse “Oh, this is because of all the students.” So obviously, his Foe-Glass, if we see Snape in there later, that should be that clue, exactly, and it’s a very good clue. But I think what I like the most about these Dark Detectors is they’re non-discriminatory. They’re going off because you have the biggest imposter in the room with you, who has nefarious… the Sneakoscope is almost trying to clue Harry, but the alibi for it is fantastic.

Andrew: Why does he have these in there? Just to sell the Moody image?

Micah: Yeah, sell his persona.

Eric: That’s it.

Andrew: Yeah, “I’m paranoid all the time.”

Eric: Yes.

Micah: I mean, think back to the beginning of the book with the trash cans and everything that happened when he was claiming that somebody was in his yard. He’s on edge all the time. That’s who the real Moody is as a character, right?

Eric: I like to believe that Barty Crouch didn’t have to buy anything to decorate this office; he just scooped up all the Dark Detectors that were around the perimeter of real Moody’s house.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Because I think in the book, it says, “Oh, Harry had been in this office twice, and once there were pictures of Lockhart when Lockhart was in there. When Lupin was in there, it was stuff in tanks.” But for Mad-Eye, it’s this. It’s these Dark Detectors.

Micah: [laughs] It’s a neurotic Auror who thinks there’s something around every corner.

Eric: Well, right. It just fits the character as we think it would be perfectly. Even if real Moody had come back to Hogwarts and taught next year, I doubt he would have changed the office much.

Andrew: Catherine, you saw some foreshadowing happening here, too, right?

Catherine: I did. And I guess I just missed it reading it as a child and then rereading it, but Moody mentions to Harry as he’s talking about the Foe-Glass and he’s talking about the Sneakoscopes, and he was like, “If I see the whites of their eyes, I’m going to head towards my trunk,” and he points over to the trunk. And the thing is, that’s where he’s keeping Moody, OG Moody.

[Laura laughs]

Catherine: So it’s like, “Well, that’s kind of…” and we as readers are not, especially our first time through, we’re not… “Okay, he’s got a trunk. Okay, cool. Maybe it’s an escape hatch, or maybe it’s like Newt Scamander’s in Fantastic Beasts where he’s got corridors in there or something.” But you’re not thinking he’s holding a prisoner there.

Eric: No. It works so well at setting up the most terrifying thing in this room is in this trunk. And Harry is such a good student; he’s not going to ask. He’s just going to be like, “Oh, I’d better stay away from that trunk in case something comes out and bites me.” It’s so perfect at how it… and also it fits with what we know of Barty Crouch, Jr.’s character that he’s drawing attention to it, because he thinks that he is brilliant. And it’s just like when they were in the trophy room and he says, “This is exactly what somebody must have done to Confund the Goblet of Fire.” It’s exactly that where he’s like, “Oh, and this trunk, I would absolutely go straight to it.” It’s like, wow, you can get away with a lot.

Micah: That’s exactly what I was going to say. It’s reminiscent of the conversation that he had in front of some very important people where he revealed exactly what he did, and nobody picked up on it. But let’s also remember, Harry is 14 years old, so if you’re a 14-year-old in your teacher’s office, you’re going to be pretty careful, cautious around all of the things that they have there. You’re not going to go poking in and see what they have in…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Well, maybe you would, Andrew. I could see you doing that.

Andrew: Well, no, I mean, Justin is bringing up a good point in our Discord. I mean, we’re talking about the same Harry who’s gone into the Forbidden Forest, who’s gone down and faced Fluffy and beaten Fluffy. He’s not afraid to poke around and see what’s going on.

Micah: No, but I think he’s afraid of Moody.

Andrew: Okay.

Micah: I do think there’s something in him that is fearful of Moody, not necessarily in a bad way, but in a cautious way.

Eric: Yeah, we’ll talk more about that in a moment. I did want to bring up, though… I had to look up this quote, because regarding his Foe-Glass, Moody says, “I’m not really in trouble till I see the whites of their eyes.” Something about “the whites of their eyes” rang a bell for me, so I did Google just that phrase, and it was something that was said to the Revolutionary War soldiers in the Battle of Bunker Hill. General Putnam said to the American troops, “Don’t fire till you see the whites of their eyes,” meaning the British troops, and so it was truly the closest you could get… also, muskets were very limited, but it was the range that they had to get to for most success. And so I think that this is probably an intentional reference just in general about war time, and to me it just hits all the notes. I find it to be a delicious phrase.

Andrew and Laura: Yeah.

Laura: It’s a good catch.

Andrew: MuggleCast 652: The Battle of Bunker Hill.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: “What? A history lesson?”

Eric: Or the Battle of Stoatshead Hill, but I guess that’s when they attack the Burrow.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Also just wanted to throw out: This chest that Moody has has seven locks on it. I like catching those seven and twelve references.

Eric: Interesting.

Laura: Ahh.

Andrew: Yeah, I mean, that seems like a lot, but also I guess that’s paranoid Moody for you. He can’t trust one, two, three, four, five, even six locks. It has to be seven.

Eric: You’re only as strong as the weakest lock.

Andrew: True that. One lock for every Horcrux, if you’re thinking of making those.

Eric: [laughs] Isn’t seven the most magically powerful number of locks to have?

Andrew: I’ve got six on my front door. I think I need to add a seventh.

Eric: Oh my God.

Andrew: This is inspiring me.

Catherine: I also think about it with Moody as well. He’s an Auror; he’s seen some pretty scary things. Would not surprise me if he’s got some PTSD going on, so having those seven locks may make him feel a lot better than having six.

Andrew: Also, lol at Moody saying he told Dumbledore that Karkaroff and Maxime would definitely be cheating when it came to the games. To show that Dumbledore is only human, they want to beat Dumbledore that bad. They really want to show that he’s only human. This made me think, though, maybe this is some evidence that Dumbledore did ask Hagrid to bring Harry into the Forbidden Forest to show him the dragons, because could Dumbledore have thought Harry would then pass this info along to Cedric, because Harry always does the right thing? So here’s an example of Dumbledore being the puppet master – not getting involved himself, keeping his hands somewhat clean – but he suggests to Hagrid that he do it so then Harry would then pass it on to Cedric, and Dumbledore doesn’t have to tell either Harry or Cedric.

Eric: I like it. I will say, it is confirmed later that Moody did tell Hagrid to take Harry out so that he himself wouldn’t have to.

Andrew: Ohh.

Eric: But the interesting thing about this… we understand Moody says to Harry, “Play to your strengths.” But before that, he says, “I’m not going to tell you how to do the first task. I’m not going to tell you.” He says, “I’m just going to give you general advice.”

Laura: Uh-huh. [laughs]

Eric: And it’s this beautiful… right? It’s this wonderful thing where he’s like, “I’m going to tell you exactly how to do it,” and he leads him to the whole thing, like, “Use your broom…”

Micah: They’re breadcrumbs.

Eric: They’re breadcrumbs, yeah. But by saying “I’m not going to tell you,” sets him psychologically… Harry is just like, “Oh, okay, you’re not going to tell me,” and then so he doesn’t suspect anything about where this information is coming from or what Moody’s own personal interest in his success might be.

Micah: The amount of knowledge that fake Moody imparts upon the students could fill up another entire episode of MuggleCast, and we could debate… because I think we’ve gotten feedback from listeners about what’s the true intention behind what Barty Crouch, Jr. is doing here, and does it have a lot to do with how he was raised and how he was treated by his father? But again, another discussion for another time. However, Andrew, I wanted to say, this is a really great catch that you had about Dumbledore being only human, because I actually think it’s a dig by Barty Crouch, Jr. because he’s hiding in plain sight. And he’s saying Dumbledore is only human; he can’t recognize certain things, and this is a perfect example of that.

Catherine: I love that.

Andrew: On a related note, I mean, Dumbledore doesn’t ever go into Moody’s office and see all these Dark Detectors and see them spinning?

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: And he wouldn’t be like, “There’s no way you have these tuned to detect homework lies”? That would be a red flag to me if I was walking into Moody’s office.

Laura: I think we’ve established that there is little to no oversight of the professors at Hogwarts.

Andrew: And Moody can be trusted; he’s an Auror.

Laura: Yeah, and I just don’t think that Dumbledore is dropping in unannounced on these teachers to check out what it is they’re doing. I think everybody is kind of siloed, honestly.

Andrew: All right. Well, on that note, we will go check in on Moody since nobody else is at the school. We’ll be right back after these messages.

[Ad break]

Eric: So returning to the chapter, going a little bit further along, Harry gets with best friend Hermione and says, “You need to help me.” She’s exhausted; she’s been helping him all week, but he says, “We need to practice Summoning Charms,” and they do that. It’s a really wonderful thing for Hermione to do, which I feel like was actually very well covered on the all girls episode last week as well, about what Hermione puts into her relationship with Harry and how she helps him and gives him life in almost a motherly way. Speaking of mothers, though, Minerva McGonagall – who is very matronly toward Harry in the next book – has this moment that I often forget exists, in that she is able to walk Harry down to the actual first task, and it’s an interesting little scene. She says to Harry, “Now, don’t panic… just keep a cool head… we’ve got wizards standing by to control the situation if it gets out of hand… the main thing is just to do your best, and nobody will think any the worst of you… are you all right?” And she says, “You’re to go in here with the other champions,” in a bit of a shaky sort of voice, and she says, “and wait for your turn, Potter. Mr. Bagman is in there… he’ll be telling you the -“ and then she chokes up and says, “the procedure… good luck.” McGonagall cares about Harry, y’all.

Andrew: Yeah, and I think she’s also probably thinking, “My goodness, he does not have any parents to look out for him during this terrifying experience he’s about to go through.” Presumably, she knows about the dragons that they all are about to face. She feels terrible that Harry is going through yet another traumatic experience.

Eric: I do want to correct myself; that first quote is actually from Hermione, but we see the parallel between Hermione and Minerva both just wanting the best of Harry, telling him it’s going to be all right. It’s a very interesting moment we get to see because we know where McGonagall was the day that Harry’s parents died; she was at Privet Drive begging Dumbledore to find better parents for Harry. So it’s just really interesting because pre-the “Have a biscuit, Potter” scene, and pre-Career Advice “I’m going to do everything I can to make sure this kid becomes an Auror,” you just don’t get a lot of direct McGonagall/Harry action.

Laura: It makes me wonder how many times behind the scenes she has pleaded and begged with Dumbledore to do something different for Harry. [laughs] We just didn’t get to see it.

Andrew: Yeah, like stopped him from being in the tournament, you mean?

Eric: Well, yeah, knowing that McGonagall is at Hogwarts is the only reason I think that Harry’s case can’t be helped for being in the Goblet, because if there was a way to take him out of it McGonagall would have fought for that, because this is BS. Do we have any more insight into McGonagall’s state of mind here?

Catherine: You can clearly see she’s upset. She is upset that Harry could be hurt or worse. I mean, isn’t that what the Goblet…? The whole thing was like, “You could not be alive anymore,” and there is nothing she can do about it. I went and actually looked it up because I couldn’t remember, but there’s essentially a binding contract when they go into the tournament that’s like, “You can’t get out of it.” And for me, outside of Molly, McGonagall is the only stable motherly figure that Harry really has. I don’t think she would want any of her students hurt by any means, but if you think about it, those that are in the… Cedric is of legal age in the wizarding world; Harry is not, so that adds an extra layer of “He’s only 14, not even a legal adult in the terms of the wizarding world, and there’s nothing I can do to help him other than just walk him down here and just wish him luck. That’s all I can do.” And for a mother… I’m not a mother myself, but I couldn’t even imagine sending my child to do that – or someone I view as my child – off to something I can’t control. I have no control over it. It’s got to tear her up a bit.

Micah: Yeah, there’s no question the bond between Harry and McGonagall is really strong. We see it in Deathly Hallows when Amycus Carrow spits on McGonagall and it causes Harry to use one of the Unforgivable Curses as a result of that, so they are very much connected to each other. And I do think, to the points that were raised, it goes all the way back to Sorcerer’s Stone when Harry was first left on the doorstep and she is one of those motherly, grandmotherly figures for him. Because he doesn’t have anybody else. Somebody brought that up earlier.

Andrew: Trace Gatto said, “Minerva is Mom-erva.”

Everyone: Awww.

Eric: Yeah, I think it says a lot that there aren’t more motherly moments between Minerva and Harry in the books, because it shows actually McGonagall’s restraint. Despite her obvious feelings towards Harry, she is also equally committed to fairness. And she’s also… except for the thing with the Nimbus 2000 in year one. We don’t really talk about that.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: I saw a meme today where it was like, “This wand needs replacing, Weasley,” and Ron is like, “Well, can you get me a new wand like you got Harry a broom?” And she says, “No.”

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: And it’s like, “Oh, God, okay.” So yeah, not all Gryffindors are treated equally. But there’s this impression that McGonagall is fair in everything that she does, and just to my point earlier, I think that’s why we don’t get more motherly moments. But it’s nice because the gears are very much still turning.

Catherine: Absolutely.

Eric: Now, this discussion also leads us into talking about the stakes of this first task. McGonagall is obviously very concerned for all the points that were brought up before; Harry is underage. Not only is Harry underage, but he has the most dangerous dragon. They draw lots and he gets, of course, the Hungarian Horntail, the one that Charlie Weasley was like, “Watch out for that one, Hagrid!”

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: “Literally, Hagrid, any of these other ones you’d be fine with, but watch out because the Horntail’s particularly dangerous.” I’ve got to ask the question: Why is there a difficulty difference in these dragons? Should they not either be all of the same breed? Just the idea that a 14-year-old could get the most dangerous dragon is absurd.

Andrew: I guess that’s part of the entertainment value that’s happening here. If it’s the same four dragons, it gets a little repetitive. Potentially, the four people competing in the competition could share notes and work together to figure out the best way to defeat the dragon, because we all know they’re all finding out in advance anyway, and apparently, the people running this tournament know that too. So I just think it makes it more exciting. And plus, there’s the element of drawing from the bag and seeing what dragon that you get, and that’s just the luck of the draw.

Micah: With the little number around its neck. That was… I forgot about that.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: I guess if you have the same dragon, though, won’t the dragon get tired? Are you saying having four of the same type of dragon?

Eric: Well, right, so I get the colors are different and that’s exciting visually to the audience…

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: … but why is the difficulty level…? The Horntail is at least doubly dangerous. Apart from breathing fire, he’s got the spikes.

Andrew: But that’s just part of the game, I think.

Micah: According to who, though? Because you’d have to assume that there are certain traits that each of these dragons have that could be just as dangerous depending on the circumstance. I think we’re just presuming that the Horntail is the most dangerous of the lot, right? Because it’s Harry’s dragon and because of all the hubbub that was made about it when Harry found in the forest, so I don’t know. I’m sure the Chinese Fireball is pretty damn dangerous. I’m sure the Welsh Green is pretty damn dangerous. I just think, as Andrew was saying earlier, it’s part of the Triwizard Tournament. It’s just part of the excitement, the draw, right? And you know what? Harry’s not supposed to be there anyway; that fourth dragon is not supposed to be there anyway.

Eric: Yeah, which one was the fourth? Which one was the one they brought up?

Laura: Probably the Horntail.

Eric: Well, they’re like, “For extra stakes, oh, a 14-year-old has joined the competition? We need to grab a fourth dragon. Quick, grab the most dangerous one!”

Laura: I don’t think it’s super easy to request a dragon for loan. You know what I mean? They’ve planned this out months in advance, presumably, and they probably had to go about finding a fourth dragon really quickly, and could only take what they could get. I don’t assume that dragons are very easy to get. [laughs]

Andrew: Didn’t we talk about them having a fourth dragon on standby in case one of the dragons was feeling sick that day or something like that?

Eric: That would have been interesting.

Andrew: It would make sense for them to have a backup dragon for any number of reasons.

Laura: The dragon called out sick?

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah.

Eric: No, I feel bad for all of these dragons, side note.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But also, the dragons are on a reservation, or the dragons are kept in captivity, because otherwise it would be a breaking of the Statute of Secrecy, so they are kept in places like where Charlie Weasley works. And so I do think that they wouldn’t have had to go wrangle one; they would have had to bring a fourth one probably last minute, and that to me makes the argument that one of them is significantly more challenging. Maybe it’s that the other three dragons, whoever they were, were more evenly matched, but then we get this Horntail, which just… I’m sorry, again, Micah, you can’t convince me that the Common Welsh Green, so called, is as scary as even the Chinese FireBall. You can’t.

Micah: All right, you go tickle a sleeping Common Welsh Green and tell me how it goes for you.

Eric: Oh, I think I’ll survive more likely than if it were the Horntail. But Catherine, you have solved this to within an inch of our discussion here. I’m so happy with the solution that you’ve presented as far as points and the dragons’ difficulty; please share.

Catherine: Okay, so I’m a huge video game player, and you know how you have different levels of the difficulty? You’ve got easy, medium, master mode, whatever. And so I was like, “If they wanted to have different dragons, shouldn’t each dragon be worth so many additional points to your score?” So again, like playing on a different level of a video game, so the Horntail being a higher score, seemingly the most dangerous dragon, so you would get four points added to your total score. Versus the Common Welsh Green, maybe in the form that they have, it’s the least difficult, so it’d be more like easy mode, but you get one additional point.

Andrew: Right. I like that.

Catherine: It made sense in my video game brain.

Andrew: That makes a lot of sense.

Laura: That makes total sense.

Catherine: If you’re not wanting to have it where we’re all facing the same dragon, or whether it be the same dragon repeatedly, or there’s four Common Welsh Greens or whatever. That was my thought process.

Laura: I love it. I was thinking similarly to Catherine, although I think Catherine’s approach is a lot more efficient than mine. But I was almost thinking of the way that when you see a lot of different kinds of competitions happening, the judges will rate the competitors based on a number of categories like difficulty, creativity, technique, and they get different individual scores for all of those and the score that they ultimately give them is a composite score. So I was like, “Maybe they’re doing that,” but then I got to the end of the chapter, and I remembered, “Oh, no, that’s not what they’re doing. That’s not it.”

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Eric: It’s funny because we heard Karkaroff in a previous chapter talk about how many months of plannings, all these meetings that they had about how to do this tournament, and he gives Harry a four. And you can just tell that every single judge in this competition has no supervision. There are no rules, there is no repercussions, you can just do whatever you want and show blatant favoritism. I know it’s skipping ahead a little bit, but literally all this planning and no, every judge is their own island. There is no summing up of the total scores at all. It’s a miracle anybody wins with all the other schools behaving the way Karkaroff might.

Andrew: Yeah, I did find it interesting that Bagman… so after the dragons are pulled, nobody’s having a reaction like, “Oh my gosh, we’re facing dragons? Wow, I’m so surprised!”

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: They don’t even try to fake it. Now sure, maybe they were a little… you could argue they were stressed, but we also know that they knew going into this they’d be facing dragons. So I’m surprised Bagman didn’t say, like, “Oh, I’m surprised you guys aren’t reacting, or looking scared,” or something like that. I guess it just speaks to the fact that even Bagman and the people organizing this tournament know that the secret’s been out and the secrets already get out. It just sat weird to me; everything is normal. If I were Bagman, I’d be like, “Eh? So what do you guys think? Huh? Huh?”

[Micah laughs]

Catherine: I’ve always thought Ludo Bagman was a little dense, in my opinion.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Catherine: He was not the most impressive of the Ministry of Magic, in my opinion. But so it might have gone over his head that no one was having a reaction.

Andrew: Okay, okay.

Eric: There is definitely a reason why his character wasn’t adapted into the movies, I think, and it’s maybe due to some of these similar flaws.

Micah: The movie adaptation, though, of this particular scene – to kind of answer that question – I thought it was really well done, because you did get that emotional reaction from the four champions as they were drawing the dragons out of the bag, and you had Barty Crouch, Sr., “Chinese Fireball, oooo.”

Andrew: Oooo.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: And Harry muttering under his breath, “Hungarian Horntail,” and Barty Crouch, Sr. reacting to that almost; “Wait, what did you say, boy?”

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: And so it was much better done. You didn’t need the character of Ludo there. It kind of falls flat in comparison; this moment in the actual book falls flat by comparison, I would say.

Eric: Yeah. And speaking of Bagman, he says to Harry – here’s a direct quote from the book – “Got a plan?” Then he lowers his voice conspiratorially; he says, “Because I don’t mind sharing a few pointers, if you’d like them, you know. I mean, you’re the underdog here, Harry… anything I can do to help…” It’s like, okay. I mean, we see what Bagman gives Harry, but it’s just… cheating is rampant. That’s literally all this is. That’s why he’s not surprised anyone knows about the dragons. It’s literally what Moody says. Fakey tells Harry the other professors absolutely would have told their kids to cheat because that’s just the history of this, or the proud tradition of this tournament. It seems right with Bagman offering to help Harry at the last minute.

Andrew: And I think Harry rejected it because he wants things to stay fair, and for him to get some last minute info from Ludo would make things unfair. Now, that said, they’ve all been preparing in their own ways anyway, so I’m not sure what Ludo could have given him that would have definitely given him a leg up, so maybe it wouldn’t have made things more unfair.

Laura: Ludo is probably placing bets on it as well and trying to rig things in his favor.

Eric: Yeah. He owes the goblins a lot of Galleons.

Andrew: Maybe Ludo… I doubt it, because Charlie was having a hard time controlling the dragons, but maybe he’s got some secret hack that automatically gets the dragon to move off the eggs, like you press the fourth toe on the left leg…

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Yeah!

Andrew: The dragon flies away. Some secret button.

Laura: Like the Whomping Willow?

Andrew: [laughs] Right, the Whomping Willow.

Eric: I honestly love it. It is very Willow-esque. I love that idea, Andrew, though, because it’s like at this point, this late in the game, what advice would Bagman really have been able to give Harry, especially knowing Harry’s got the most dangerous dragon? Sorry, Micah, I’m going to keep saying that. It’s the most dangerous dragon, and I just think what could he possibly have told Harry? It’s not like Harry can go off and learn the Summoning Charm if he hadn’t already prepared for a day and a half straight of spell casting. No advice Bagman gives Harry would be implementable.

Micah: To go back to the comment that was made about betting by Laura, I think there’s actually a comment that Bagman makes while he’s commentating – was it about covering the spread? There’s something at the very end of the first task that he says that would lead you to believe that he’s very much playing the odds on his own. I have to look it up. But the one thing I did want to bring up is pulling Harry aside, trying to give him this advice, trying to give him this edge… does it raise any suspicions on our end? Does it move him up the suspect board a little bit about dropping his name in the Goblet of Fire? Because why else would you want to help Harry?

Andrew: Yeah, I don’t know. I mean, you mentioned the gambling, as did Laura; maybe it’s just as simple as that. And by the way, the line from Bagman was, “Will you look at that! Our youngest champion is quickest to get his egg! Well, this is going to shorten the odds on Mr. Potter!”

Micah: Shorten the odds, there you go.

Laura: Ohh, yeah, there it is.

Andrew: So yeah, I guess that answers your question. [laughs] It’s all about…

Eric: Totally peeing himself. And from one Quidditch player to another, when he sees Harry on his broom, I bet he just loves that as well.

Andrew: All right, well, we’ll get to Harry’s relationship with Ron and that come back in a moment, but first, we’re going to take a quick break. We’ll be right back.

[Ad break]

Eric: So coming back off of that lovely ad break, we have another return, and it is Ron coming back to Harry, and it’s a beautiful scene where I think we could have gotten a little bit more out of it. But Harry has really been wanting to have Ron back, and there’s this moment earlier in the chapter in Divination where his and Ron’s eyes meet for the first time in several weeks, and they still can’t look at each other; they still can’t talk to each other. But finally, after Harry succeeds in what I think is the most phenomenal showing of the first task, Ron comes in and actually apologizes, or he would apologize if Harry doesn’t say “It’s nothing” and then he just totally lets it go.

Andrew: [laughs] Yeah, he was ready to jump on him.

Eric: I would have absolutely loved to have seen what Ron would have said, but all he manages to get out is “I think you’d have to be a nutter to really put your name in,” so that’s all that Harry needs to just be like, “Okay, we’re friends. Hermione sucked so badly. It was horrible without you.”

[Catherine laughs]

Andrew: I’m willing to forgive Ron because Ron is riding high on Harry’s win; I think he has a fresh appreciation for Harry.

Eric: That’s a good point.

Andrew: I’m sure Ron was very stressed about Harry being in this task too. Deep down, of course, he was going to get back with Harry at some point; the question was just when, and what better opportunity than when he’s so excited that Harry did phenomenal in the first task?

Eric: I think it really does take a life or death situation, the way… the thing that I thought of this go-around was that Ron’s realization mirrors Molly’s when everyone goes off to the Quidditch World Cup and she has that shouting match at Fred and George about their joke shop or whatever, and they come back to the Burrow and she’s in tears and says, “What if the last thing I ever said to you was…?” whatever it was. And so I think Ron has that moment where he’s like, “If Harry had died -” because it’s very realistic that Harry could have died when he faced his dragon “- I would have not been supporting him as a friend at that time.”

Andrew: Yeah. That’s a great parallel.

Eric: It really drives it home.

Laura: I love that. Yeah, just imagining Ron being in the stands and watching his best friend, who he’s been fighting with for weeks, nearly face his death. I mean, to be a fly in the stands, I guess we could say, [laughs] to actually just see the evolution of Ron in those moments go from still being really pissed at Harry to all of a sudden seeing what he’s actually up against…

Eric: Makes it real.

Laura: … and how jarring it would be. Yeah, that’s something that I would also like to see in a TV show, more of an introspective focus on that kind of thing.

Catherine: To add to that, I love Ron as a character, I do. I think the movies do not do him justice sometimes. But he’s very stubborn, as we’ve seen, and we also know that he wants to be the best.

Andrew: [sings] “Like no one ever was…”

[Catherine and Eric laugh]

Catherine: Exactly. I mean, case in point, harkening back to the first book, what does he see in the Mirror of Erised? “I’ve got the Quidditch cup, and I’m the House boy, and I’m a prefect.” He wants to be the best. While I think he never… he loves Harry; we clearly see it throughout the book. He does. I mean, you don’t put yourself in situations if you don’t love your friends, especially dangerous situations. But we see his jealousy throughout the entire series. Every time you turn around, there’s something he’s mad at. I mean, and if you’re… to use one of my favorite phrases, the connecting with threads, I mean, think about to Deathly Hallows when he’s got the locket. Why does he leave? He’s so jealous that Hermione is with Harry and everything, so I mean, that’s amplifying his jealousy even more. That is a common thread throughout these books. But I also agree; I think it does take seeing Harry compete in this task and realizing, “Oh no, I could’ve not had my best friend anymore” to shake him out of that jealousy and come to the senses.

Micah: Yeah, I think that dragon served up a big piece of humble pie to Ron.

Catherine: Absolutely.

Laura: Agreed.

Micah: He’s got some work to do. I’m not going to lie, I’m not back on the Ron train just yet.

Andrew: Oh, okay. Gotta win Micah over, still.

Eric: Some residual disappointment there. Yeah, well, it’s just… I love that you can, though, see it coming. Ron has been reminded, as Harry has, what makes their friendship special. I’m sure… Harry has been feeling that Hermione couldn’t offer the same thing, and Ron, he catches Harry joking in Divination about “Glad I’m going to die quickly, Trelawney,” and you see that almost smile, or Harry notices the almost smile, and it’s like Ron is being reminded just as Harry is that things are more fun when they’re friends. And so it’s really lovely that you have that Divination scene leading up to the first task, and then the payoff is here.

Andrew: And it’s cool to be friends with Harry. Maybe this reminded him of that as well. I think I was alluding to this a couple weeks ago, too; he should be… I get that Ron is young, so he doesn’t really see the full picture, but he should be really lucky to have Harry, the Chosen One, as his bestie. And when you’re friends with a celebrity, that’s what’s going to happen sometimes. They’re going to be getting a lot of the spotlight, but you know that Harry is a good person, so just learn to roll with it.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, that’s what happens when I hang out with Andrew and everybody comes over and wants pictures and autographs.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: And it’s annoying, but somehow I cope.

Andrew: Yeah. You cope, and then I go and defeat a dragon, and you’re like, “Oh, he’s cool. I can roll with this.” So Ron and Harry are besties now, and Ron fills him in on what happened with the other players?

Eric: Yes, and that’s another great thing: Ron is delivering the play by play, and it’s great to see Ron engaged, but Harry wants to know… this is what they bond over constantly, sport and this kind of… not gossip, but it’s just a perfect fit to have them back together. And I did want to ask – because I gush about how Harry handled this whole situation, it’s just wild – but was there another champion whose performance we also really liked? And here’s a small recap of what everyone did: so Cedric Diggory transformed a rock into a Labrador dog to distract the dragon. It sort of worked, according to Ron, but halfway through the dragon changed its mind and Cedric got burned. Fleur Delacour managed to subdue her dragon somehow, but wasn’t counting on its snores to also emit fire, so she got burned. And Viktor Krum hit the dragon in the eyes with a spell, kind of confusing it, but it went around in a rage and then crushed some of the eggs! So all the champions got their eggs, but none of them, including Harry, were unscathed.

Andrew: Which was your favorite, Catherine?

Catherine: I liked Fleur’s subduing the dragon, and I almost… I was thinking about it today; I was wondering if… because she’s part Veela, and I was like, “I wonder if because she’s another magical being, if her Veela-ness was able to come out and she was able to put it to sleep somehow?” I mean, and that’s pretty powerful. They talk about how dragon hide skin is so tough and that’s why their gloves are made out of it for Herbology and stuff. That’s pretty powerful magic.

Eric: That’s really an interesting point.

Catherine: I would like to see that Maxed, personally. To actually see…

Andrew: She said it! She said the thing!

[“Max that” sound effect plays]

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Andrew is ready with the button!

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Nobody brought the Pokéflute? Come on.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Catherine: I was thinking Pokéflute earlier when you said like, “What would Bagman do?” Like he’d slip him a Pokéflute and be like, “Here, put the dragon to sleep.” But I mean, that would be… I think it’d be cool – if we do get our TV show – to see all of these done, because we are only in Harry’s head. It’d be nice to actually see more.

Laura: Right. Yeah, I love what you said there, Catherine, about Fleur because I think Ron says that she put the dragon in some kind of trance, is that right? And it made me think of the way that Ron reacts when he’s around Fleur and when he’s been around Veela before, so I think you’re right. There’s some kind of crossover of whatever magic that is.

Catherine: And her wand has the Veela hair in it as well.

Eric: That’s interesting.

Laura: Yep, great call.

Catherine: Because I went and looked that up too. I was like, “Doesn’t it…?” And according to the wiki, it’s her grandmother’s hair, so maybe there’s that extra connection on top of that. Not only is she a Veela but it’s that lineage as well. That was my thought. I don’t know what the author was thinking about there.

Eric: And it’s a lady dragon, so that’s interesting.

Micah: Can I ask you a question, though, to Catherine and to Laura? Coming off the heels of last week’s episode got me thinking reading this particular chapter because we know that Cedric gets burned, right, on his actual skin, but Fleur only gets her skirt burned, and I just feel like the way that that was written, is there anything more to read into there? Is there a message that the author is trying to send?

Laura: Oh, that’s a really interesting question.

Micah: Maybe not. Maybe I’m thinking more…

Eric: I like the question too, yeah.

Laura: No, I do like the question. I’m trying to consider it. I guess my first…

Micah: Like Fleur is not tough enough to have burns like Cedric or Krum; it’s got to be her skirt.

Eric: Or it’s not practical, yeah. To wear a flowy skirt to battle is really…

Andrew: It’s a bad decision. “What was she thinking, picking something with a skirt?” That type of thing?

Eric: Could be.

Micah: Both of those things.

Laura: I also wonder, do we get Fleur’s and Cedric scores? Because I know we find out the placement of Harry and Krum, right?

Catherine: I don’t think… I have my book; we could find out!

Andrew: Oh, you have the illustrated edition.

Catherine: Oh, yes.

Laura: What I’m wondering is if Fleur is in fourth place after this, I call BS, because she didn’t get her flesh burned, and she actually had a pretty effective approach for dealing with this dragon. So in my opinion, she should definitely not be dead last, and I’m wondering if we get an indication of where she ranks right now.

Eric: As far as… yeah, I don’t know about right now, but standings-wise we do get an update because Fleur has to sit out the second task; she can’t handle it psychologically, which that’s probably saying something about Fleur, but the explanation… everything to do with points in this book is just leading up to the Harry and Cedric tie. From a plot standpoint, I can’t get too deep into what does the scoring mean? Because I’m just like, at the end, it has to be Harry and Cedric.

Catherine: Quick look is no, we do not get any scores.

Laura: Okay.

Catherine: Other than the fact that… which we’ll get to in a minute in the thing about Karkaroff being unfair towards Harry. But no, there was no score for Fleur. But I agree, Laura, she doesn’t need to be dead last for that, exactly. She didn’t get a single burn at all. If we’re going by that, Cedric should be last; he’s the one that got burned up more. Poor guy. God bless him.

[Everyone laughs]

Catherine: Bless his heart.

Eric: Bless him, he tries.

Andrew: It is interesting to me that everybody had a different way of tackling this, and also everybody kind of sort of hacked it? Nobody fought the dragon except for maybe Krum because he shot the spell at the dragon’s eye, but everybody else… Harry with the Firebolt, Cedric with turning a rock into a dog and having the dog distract…

Laura: That’s the most random one.

Andrew: Yeah, yeah, it’s hacky.

Micah: I like that, though. It’s trying to distract, right? It’s a decoy.

Andrew: I want a fight, though. Fight, fight, fight.

Laura: But also, honestly, that’s real life. Hacking it.

Andrew: Fake it till you make it.

Micah: Hack it.

Laura: Honestly, the older I get, the more situations I find myself in, it’s like, “What can you do to get the thing done efficiently and mostly correctly?” [laughs]

Andrew: So you can get it over with as soon as possible.

Laura: Yes!

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It would have blown my teenage mind when I was first reading this book to learn that adults don’t have their ish together and aren’t ever… there’s a plan for everything and an escape plan… like, it would have blown my mind. Now being an adult, being mid 30s and being like, “How much of it is just hacking it?”

Laura: Yeah, most of it. [laughs]

Micah: Imagine the… all of these students were supposed to go into this task without prior knowledge of what they were about to face.

Catherine: There’s no way.

Micah: So they were able to hone in on what it was they wanted to do to try and get the egg away from the dragon. Now, this might not be a popular statement here, but I never liked the way that Harry got the egg from the dragon. I thought summoning his broom… for a guy who just learned how to summon days ago, 24 hours ago, whatever it was…

Eric: Right.

Micah: It’s a cop out. And how far away is the Firebolt? It’s up in Gryffindor tower. He’s down in the forest. The distance, the magic that that would require… he was only summoning things from across a room, not from across an entire field all the way out in the school.

Andrew: But he was determined. I think Hermione was driving that home. “You’ve got to be determined.”

Micah: Okay, so how far away can you summon your vibrating broom, Andrew, right now if you wanted to?

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Let me try right now. Hold on. I’ve got my MuggleCast wand right here, actually.

Eric: Andrew is on his broom right now. Joke’s on you.

Andrew: It’s only a few feet away; it won’t be too difficult. I agree with you, but I think that what bothers me most is that he’s bringing in an outside object, like he’s calling it in. You should only be able to fight to complete the task with the things that you have in your possession currently, or that are in the environment, like Cedric turning…

Micah: That’s a good point, yep.

Andrew: That’s what bothered me, I remember, when I first read this book.

Eric: Well, I think that the reason the broom is all the way up in the castle is for the suspense of did it work? Did it not work? Did it work? Did it not work? It makes it very exciting, because very reasonably, Harry’s Firebolt could have been in Hagrid’s broom closet. We know that the gamekeeper… we know that there’s spare brooms and training brooms that are just in a cupboard on the grounds somewhere, and the Firebolt, for all they know… this task could have been done on the Quidditch pitch with that broom closet right there and Harry’s remarkable Summoning Charm wouldn’t have necessarily been that much cooler. It’s just for dramatic effect that the thing was all the way up there. So I don’t know; I give Harry a lot of credit with this. I think that if all you’re given is your wand, you do exactly what Moody says: You play to your strengths. It would have been the same if Harry learned transfiguration and transfigured a rock into a broom instead of a dog. It would have been the same thing of using what you have there. I think it still counts.

Micah: It just falls flat for me, though, because you also have two other participants in this tournament who are exceptional Quidditch players, so the whole idea of playing to your strengths… Cedric doesn’t do it. Krum doesn’t do it. But Harry does it? And you can argue Harry’s strength; I mean, he’s a great Quidditch player, don’t get me wrong, but Defense Against the Dark Arts is probably more of a practical strength than flying is for him.

Eric: I think the issue is, though, again…

Micah: Rushed. It was all rushed. This is what happens when it’s rushed.

[Andrew and Catherine laugh]

Eric: Well, no, the vector is his age again, because what Hermione says is they have never learned to transfigure anything alive yet at this point. By year seven, you absolutely would have done that at Hogwarts, but Harry just… the Summoning Charm represents the maximum possible skill level of magic that Harry at his current age could possibly do and still do well enough that it’s reliable, and that’s why I like it. It’s truly Harry reaching up and touching higher magic, like when he learns the Patronus Charm. Harry is good at this stuff.

Catherine: I mean, would they even have learned Confundus by now?

Eric: Probably not!

Catherine: Right, because I was thinking that maybe that’s what Fleur used to confuse the dragon or whatever. But I mean, that’s a higher level skill, and again, we have to think the age disparity between the three other champions and Harry. But I kind of do agree; I thought the Firebolt thing was kind of a cop-out too.

Eric: Aw, man.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: Thank you. I mean, summon the egg! Why are you summoning your broom? Summon the egg. It would have been over in ten seconds.

Andrew: Oh, that’s a good point.

Laura: Ohh, see, now I’m with you, Micah.

Andrew: There must be a charm.

Eric: Well, how you gonna get the dragon off the egg?

Andrew: There was that…

Micah: Summoning it.

[Laura laughs]

Eric: You can’t summon a living thing. This isn’t Fantastic Beasts and the Niffler.

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Micah: No, the egg is not living.

Laura: The egg’s not living.

Eric: Well… oh, yeah, “Accio egg.” Well, you know what? It would definitely smash.

Andrew: Summon the dragon and get it off the egg, and then you go grab the egg. [laughs]

Micah: Just move around a little bit.

Laura: You say, “Accio gold egg.”

Andrew: Under dragon butt.

Eric: Wait, since the egg is gold… you could just get a Niffler, since the egg is golden.

Micah: Now you’re thinking.

Eric: Let a Niffler loose, wait five minutes, and then they’ll bring it back to you.

Laura: But then what if the Niffler gets hurt?

Eric: The Niffler won’t get hurt.

Micah: Casualty of war.

[Laura laughs]

Catherine: But that’s when you say, “Accio Niffler,” or “Accio golden egg” and the Niffler will have it in its pouch already.

Andrew: And certainly that wouldn’t stop Cedric. I mean, he’s sacrificing a dog here.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Andrew: And I’ll circle back on this in a moment.

Eric: We were going to bring this up at some point in this episode I’m sure anyway, but how do we feel…? Because I like the broom thing. I think it’s an elegant solution; I don’t think it’s a cop-out. But I also am probably alone in liking the adaptation to the movie where they chase each other around Hogwarts.

Catherine: I’m with you, Eric.

Micah: I think you had to. In the movie, I think you absolutely… I didn’t like it, but I think you had to do it. If you were the director, you had to do it, because if you’re just going to do what happens in the book, it’s just not exciting.

Andrew: It’s cinematic.

Catherine: It’s not as visually pleasing. Because I mean, I thought… when I was reading this chapter, I was like, “That’s all he did?” I was like, “What happened? I thought the dragon…” and then because I’ve not read the book for so long, I literally thought the movie-ism was right. I was like, “Doesn’t the dragon chase him or do something?”

Eric: Right.

Catherine: I’m like, “Okay, yeah, it snaps a little bit. Okay.”

Eric: Well, there’s a level of deftness to what Harry has to do, because the dragon is a mother that is going to guard its children, and so Harry is flying at a level that’s neck and neck with the dragon. The dragon is predisposed to not go after him, and so it’s actually very, very skillful for Harry to have to rock back and forth and get it out of its own comfort zone, to make the dragon essentially forget that it’s protecting its eggs, to then dive. I just think Harry is a genius, and this is extremely good for him. Anyway, Harry does not have a friend in Karkaroff. Karkaroff gives him probably a higher score than you would, Micah, but Karkaroff gives him a four.

Micah: I wouldn’t take away points; I just think the way it was written was kind of a cop-out.

Andrew: So yeah, the scoring system, very unfair. I mean, there’s just… for Karkaroff to give him a four, for Karkaroff to be judging… [laughs]

Eric: There’s that.

Andrew: For any of these people to be judging, with the exception of Ludo, is pretty nuts.

Micah: None of them should be. None of the headmasters should be judging. And I honestly think the Goblet of Fire should be the one to determine the score; that would have taken away a lot of the bias that we see from all of these participants.

Eric: That’s interesting.

Micah: Because Ludo is also giving scores based on what he’s betting on the side. [laughs]

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Andrew: Oh, this is all so messed up. I initially was like, “The Sorting Hat, Micah, really? Can’t we come up with another object?” But there has been this recurring theme in Goblet of Fire Chapter by Chapter thus far where we’re giving jobs to the Sorting Hat because he’s so bored the rest of the year when he’s not Sorting. By the end of the series, I hope we have a long list of tasks that the Sorting Hat can handle throughout the year.

Micah: No, no, the Goblet. I’m saying the Goblet needs to do it.

Andrew: Ohh, oh.

Micah: The Goblet caused all this to begin with. But the Sorting Hat could, too.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: It would have brought the Goblet to greater prominence throughout the book. And I actually really like that suggestion, because if you think about it, for a book called “The Goblet of Fire,” the Goblet of Fire exists at the beginning of the book and that’s it. After the names are drawn, it goes into its casket. But the idea of an impartial judge, truly that.

Andrew: So the Goblet’s going to spit out its score? Because it doesn’t have a mouth like the Sorting Hat. We need a third or fourth. So the Sorting Hat is a judge. The Goblet is a judge. What are the other two?

Catherine: I say pull out the Mirror of Erised.

[Everyone laughs]

Catherine: Make them walk up and get their scores.

Andrew: Starting to look like Beauty and the Beast.

Eric: Everyone’s going to get a perfect score.

Catherine: But that would be the impartial… everybody gets a perfect score and then you have everything else.

Andrew: And the Pensieve. [laughs] That’s the fourth judge.

Eric: Well, I will say, I think everyone’s pretty much evenly matched. Harry gets hurt by the spike tail. Everyone gets slightly burned or damages the eggs. There’s a flaw in everyone’s behavior, but nobody deserves a four. This is me coming for Karkaroff right now. A four is extremely low, and somebody should have stopped him. That is absolutely unacceptable for that to be… they shouldn’t even have fours. [laughs]

Laura: I wonder what he gave Cedric and Fleur.

Andrew and Eric: Yeah.

Catherine: I’m telling you, the TV show. You make it up. Just saying.

Laura: I know. Give us answers.

Catherine: Exactly. Give us the answers we need.

Eric: So yeah, and Bagman, on the other hand, gives a ten, and it’s just like Andrew said, he’s betting on the return. So it’s so clearly biased and flawed, but it is always fun to just examine all the ways in which this is just bogus.

Andrew: It’s fascinating. It’s fascinating.

Catherine: And I was thinking about it – since I do teach college – is there not some kind of rubric? If they’re going to have the headmasters – as they shouldn’t, and I fully agree, it should be completely no one related to them at all – is there not some kind of rubric they need to follow? Or some standard guide of these are the basics for… you get this many points for the amount of time to complete the task, the difficulty of the magic performed, etc.

Eric: Yep. Your dragon.

Catherine: And I was thinking… yeah, the dragon type, etc. But then I was also taking it back to… throwing it to the Muggle world, we’ve got the Olympics coming up. In gymnastics, there are judges that specifically judge the difficulty of a routine or a maneuver, and then there are judges that specifically talk about the execution of the routine, so there’s, like, 12 judges going on, and then how they score is a combined score of what the score for the difficulty and then their execution of the routine, minus any mistakes. So I’m like, why is that not a thing?

Eric: Yeah, and it’s weighted and it’s fair, and everybody gets the same exact treatment. It essentially rules out judge bias.

Catherine: Exactly.

Micah: You know who’s going to be super pissed after this? Moody.

[Catherine laughs]

Andrew: Moody.

Micah: At Karkaroff.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Oh, that’s funny because Karkaroff directly hinders maybe Harry’s chances of getting to the final. Moody sees that and has to step up his game to either psych Karkaroff out or continue helping Harry along. Pretty interesting.


Odds & Ends


Eric: Well, I believe that may wrap up our main discussion, so let’s move on to the Odds & Ends of the chapter. So something I thought was very fun is it’s easy to forget, with the movie adaptations being fresher in our minds, but in Hogwarts in the books, the wizards years one through seven have pointy wizards caps.

Andrew: Aww.

Eric: I thought that the only pointy wizard’s cap reference was at the end of the first book when everyone’s throwing off… it’s very French Philosopher’s Stone cover, if you’ve seen it; they all have the pointy caps there. But it turns out the opening sentence of this chapter is, “Harry got up on Sunday morning and dressed so inattentively that it was a while before he realized he was trying to pull his hat -“ hello, hello “- onto his foot instead of his sock,” so his hat is still a part of Harry’s uniform in year four.

Laura: I will say, this is one of the movie-isms that I kind of liked, that they got away from the caps.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Because they look goofy. They just look goofy.

Andrew: They’re classic, though.

Laura: Imagine sitting in a classroom trying to see your professor teach but three rows of kids in front of you all are wearing pointy wizard’s caps.

Catherine: You just have this hat doing this, moving back and forth.

Eric: Here’s a catch: Viktor Krum comes into the library. Hermione is devastated; she’s like, “Oh, here he is again.” Apparently, Viktor Krum has been coming to the library, and what Hermione does not like about it is that his whole entourage gaggle of girls comes, and they’re like, “Ahh, Viktor,” whatever. It is said that Viktor comes right in and casts a surly look over at Hermione and Harry, and then goes about with his day, but my question is: Is this an early indicator that Viktor Krum might be coming to the library for Hermione? Is he trying to catch Hermione’s…?

Laura: Yep.

Catherine: Absolutely.

Eric: Okay. I’m glad you guys agree.

Laura: Yeah, that’s I’m pretty sure the only reason he goes.

Andrew: Ayy.

Eric: Look at that, though. He’s smitten.

Micah: I think the look is for Harry specifically.

Eric and Laura: Yeah.

Micah: I think he’s always surly, so I don’t think that that is…

Eric: Oh, yeah. There’s that. But it’s a clever way of saying that Viktor is looking at Hermione.

Laura: Well, speaking of being in the library, this was just a quick thing – it was a blink and you’ll miss it moment – Harry tosses aside a book called Men Who Love Dragons Too Much.

Andrew: Uh-oh.

[Catherine and Laura laugh]

Andrew: This reminded me of a certain Dumbledore, if you catch my drift, and Micah’s favorite animal.

Laura: Right? [laughs] And I just… what is that book about? And Harry, how do you think that book is going to help you?

Andrew: Hey, he’s looking for any help he can get.

Eric: He’s looking for dragon facts.

Micah: Coming up on bonus MuggleCast…

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: I’m sorry. It just tickled me.

Andrew: What did you catch, Catherine?

Catherine: I had two things. The first, go back to Harry in the tent and everyone else has gone and he’s waiting – Krum has left – and he’s alone in the tent and he’s sitting there waiting. And I forgot exactly what it said in the book, but essentially, he’s almost… he feels out of his body. The crowd is away from him, and the noise in the distance… and I was reading it, and again, from the psychology perspective, I was like, “He’s dissociating. He’s having an out of body experience.” And I’m sure we’ve all had those moments under extreme high stress where you feel out of your own body, out of space. Everything around you is very different. And that’s very common when you’re in a very high stress environment, and I’m like, “Well, yeah, I would be pretty freaked out if I’m having to go fight a dragon.”

Andrew: Yeah, you also experience this feeling when something shocking has happened out of the blue.

Catherine: Exactly, yeah. 100%. Those high moments of stress or anxiety can make us kind of come out of our own selves for a minute. Fortunately, he snaps back in and he’s like, “Okay, I’ve got to do this.”

Andrew: Good catch.

Catherine: But still, I would not have caught that reading it as a teenager, but now as an adult and having stressful moments, experiences, yeah, I know exactly how that feels.

Andrew: It’s a relatable moment.

Catherine: I don’t know how it is to fight a dragon, but I’ve had those moments of stress and anxiety.

Andrew: You’ve been close to that type of situation, fighting a dragon.

Catherine: Yeah, all the time.

Andrew: Fighting a fly. Scary stuff.

Catherine: Exactly. And then I also caught another dragon connection, an interaction dragon connection, since Book 4 is smack dab in the middle of our seven. In Book 1 we’re introduced to dragons through Norbert, and then the fourth book we have the first task is dragons, and then in Book 7, we escape on a dragon from Gringotts.

Laura: Oh, that’s beautiful.

Catherine: And then also, connecting 4 and 7 with flying with a dragon. So Harry is on his Firebolt flying with a dragon, and then they escape flying on a dragon, so that was my connection.

Laura: No, those are really great threads. Good job.

Catherine: Thank you!

Eric: Micah, you had an idea that kind of blew my mind.

Micah: Yeah, so keeping in mind that we now know that Rita is an Animagus, there’s this line for when Harry is in Divination. It says, “He managed to make a fly zoom straight into his hand, though he wasn’t entirely sure that was owing to his prowess at Summoning Charms – perhaps the fly was just stupid.” And we all know Rita is a beetle, but it’s probably very easy to misconstrue fly for beetle. And the way that J.K. Rowling chooses to write this moment just made me think that perhaps this was Rita, saying, “Oh, well, perhaps the fly was just stupid.” Well, no, the fly’s not stupid. The fly’s going right into Harry’s hand. You can make what you want of that, and a smart fly would do that in order to stay with Harry and get a story out of it.

Andrew and Catherine: Yeah.

Eric: I like it.

Laura: Yeah, Max that.

[Catherine and Micah laugh]

Andrew: I just wanted to say plus one to Trelawney for predicting that people in July were going to be in great danger of sudden violent deaths. She’s not exactly wrong here; Harry was in great danger of a sudden violent death. Now, this also was an easy prediction to make, especially if she knew what the first task would entail, but I like seeing her make these predictions that end up being accurate. And also just wanted to say I found Pomfrey’s reaction at the end of the first task interesting. Her quote is, “‘Dragons!’ she said in a disgusted tone, pulling Harry inside.” She seems to be almost shocked that the kids just had to face dragons. Did she not know about this in advance? Which I feel like would be a major issue when you are the school nurse. You have to be ready for these kids when they are inevitably probably attacked by dragons.

Eric: I agree with you. This is absolutely crazy.

Andrew: Or she’s still not over it after she found out weeks ago, but boy does that seem like an oversight.

Micah: Yeah, I think it’s more of her just commentary on the situation. I would hope that she knew in advance, but knowing how much the school is a security nightmare, I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t. But she’s very much… rightly so, but she’s always the one that’s complaining about how awful the school is and how much in danger the students always are.

Eric: I can see Dumbledore coming to her 30 minutes before, like, [imitating Dumbledore] “Hi, Poppy. You doing anything?”

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Bee tee dubs, we’re going to have the kids face some dragons.”

Eric: [imitating Madam Pomfrey] “Dragons?!”

Andrew: [imitating Dumbledore] “Yeah, they don’t know what they’re getting into, allegedly.”

[Laura laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, just the way she exclaimed “Dragons!” made me feel like… you only say it that way if you just found out, [laughs] I think.

Eric: Yeah. I like to think there’s a whole bunch of Healers straight from St. Mungo’s, because also, a dragon burn is surely worse than just a stovetop burn. Dragon fire, it has to be extra, extra bad.

Micah: Well, not unless it’s from a Hungarian Horntail, right, Eric?

Eric: Right, that’s double. Yeah, that’s double as bad.

Micah: From the other dragons, it’s just nothing.

Eric: Hungarian Horntail fire actually has spikes when it comes out.

Micah: Ohh, okay.


MVP of the Week


Andrew: It’s time for MVP of the Week!

[MVP of the Week music plays]

Andrew: I’m going to flip things around for me this week. I’m awarding an un-MVP of the Week, maybe a Worst Valuable Player: Cedric, for sacrificing a rock turned dog in the name of winning the task. Come on, man. I don’t care if that dog was just a rock. That’s not cool.

Eric: I am a fellow dog lover, but the dragon didn’t go for the dog in the end, so the dog rock is fine.

Andrew: Eugh. Too risky.

[Eric laughs]

Laura: Yeah, I mean, the dragon could probably sense that it wasn’t a dog. He was like, “That’s a rock.” [laughs]

Eric: Ohh.

Andrew: It fooled the dragon for a minute.

Micah: Maybe he should have tried that in the graveyard. Am I right, Andrew?

[Andrew and Laura laugh]

Eric: Whoaaa.

Catherine: Wow. Wow.

Laura: Ouch. [laughs]

Eric: All right, I’m giving my MVP to Cedric – just kidding…

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: … to Hermione for taking on the hopeless case of Harry Potter learning to do magic and helping him master Summoning Charms in just one day. It really can’t have been easy, and he cannot possibly as long as he lives thank her enough for what she did.

Laura: And he doesn’t, honestly.

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: Instead, yeah.

Micah: So Eric does.

Catherine: Shout-out Hermione.

Micah: I’m going to give it to the Firebolt, traveling long distances across Hogwarts grounds…

[Eric and Laura laugh]

Micah: … to come and save Harry’s ass in the first task.

Andrew: I like that.

Micah: Nobody showed up bigger. Maybe with the exception of Hermione; I do like that, Eric. But I’m going to give it to the Firebolt.

Eric: “Nobody showed up bigger.” [laughs]

Laura: I’m going to give it to Fakey, because ultimately, he’s the one who helped Harry figure out what he even needed to do. So allegiances aside, he did help cousin Harry out.

Catherine: And I’m going to give it to Professor McGonagall. Even though while she was having all the feels about Harry potentially being hurt, she was still trying to keep him calm and in the zone.

[MVP of the Week music ends]

Andrew: Well, listeners, if you have any feedback about today’s discussion, you can email or send a voice memo recorded on your phone to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. We do have to say, though, we do prefer the voice memos. And if you could keep the message about a minute long, we would appreciate that, so we can fit in as many voicemails as possible. And next week we’ll discuss Chapter 21 of Goblet of Fire, “The House-Elf Liberation Front.”


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for our weekly trivia game, Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s Quizzitch question: What color are the Hungarian Horntail’s eyes? The correct answer is that they’re yellow. And I’m hearing Moaning Myrtle’s voice, “those horrible yellow eyes.” But congratulations to all the folks that got that correct, and these are some of the best Quizzitch names of all time. Are you guys ready?

Laura: [gasps] I’m so excited.

Catherine: Let’s go.

Eric: Amazing. Okay, correct answers were submitted by a Pretty Pack of Partly Pink and Purple Polka Dotted Pygmy Puffs Playing Piano…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: … All Snapes and Sizes…

Micah: Oh, that’s a good one.

Eric: … Buff Daddy; Clicking kudos for the girls episodes leaving a comment…

Laura: Aww.

Eric: … Flambéed Harry on a golden egg sandwich à la mode…

[Laura laughs]

Eric: … Everyone wants second helpings; HallowWolf; Harry’s greasiest problem; Hermione the mom friend; Hi to my Ravenclaw husband; JennPenn1013; LC; Petition to stop using dragons for sporting purposes; Swagrid’s got drip…

[Laura and Micah laugh]

Eric: … The egg crushed by Fleur’s dragon; the Last Peruvian Vipertooth in Tibet; the one 11-year-old who is obsessed with MuggleCast… aww… We all love Newt, y’all should salute, put on your suits, and kiss his boots…

Andrew: Fun.

Eric: … and finally, the Swedish Short-Snout that would like to tell Cedric “Good job,” oh wait, he’s dead.

[Laura laughs]

Catherine: Ohh, ouch.

Andrew: There’s a lot of Cedric hate on this show, I think.

Eric: I hope it’s been enough time. We had two weeks off of Chapter by Chapter, and let’s be honest, that was just to give Kierra enough time to read ahead, right? So we didn’t just spoil right now?

Andrew: Yes. True.

Eric: Great. Thank you for the fun names; here is next week’s Quizzitch question. It’s another color question, or similar.

Micah: Ooh.

Eric: What is the pattern of Dobby’s tie when Harry first encounters him in the Hogwarts kitchens? What pattern is Dobby’s tie?

Micah: Dobby’s back.

Eric: Dobby’s back!

Andrew: Wooo!

Micah: That’s a spoiler, isn’t it?

Eric: It’s kind of a… well, foreshadow? I mean, okay, we’re going to see Dobby.

Micah: I’m excited to see Dobby.

Eric: Business Dobby. He’s got a tie.

[Andrew laughs]

Andrew and Micah: Business Dobby.

Eric: Dobby wears a tie to work.

Andrew: Business in the front, pillow in the back.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Submit your Quizzitch answers to us on the MuggleCast website, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav bar.

Andrew: Thanks so much for joining us today, Catherine.

Catherine: Absolutely. It was an absolute pleasure. I’ve had so much fun. Like I said, I’ve been an OG fan since 2005, so this is an absolute dream to meet you all and to hang out for the couple hours we hung out, so I appreciate it. Have me back on; I’d love it.

Andrew: Yeah, we’d love to have you back on! You contributed so much today, and thanks for your support over the years. This show is brought to you, listeners, by Muggles like Catherine and you all. We don’t have any fancy corporate or network funding; we’re just Harry Potter fans trying to be your Harry Potter friends, and we’re very proudly an independent podcast. So you can support us by going to Patreon.com/MuggleCast, and you can have the chance to be a co-host on MuggleCast one day like Catherine was today. You get access to our livestreams, our planning docs, a new physical gift every year, and then the MuggleCast Collector’s Club too. And then if you’d prefer to support us through Apple Podcasts, you can do that. You can get ad-free, early access to MuggleCast, plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month, as do patrons. All you have to do is sign up for MuggleCast Gold; just tap into the show on Apple Podcasts and you’ll see the subscribe button. And whether you subscribe through Patreon or Apple Podcasts, we do have a free trial as well as an annual subscription, and if you do the annual subscription, you will save a little money, and that’s our way of thanking you for pledging for a year upfront. Visit MuggleCast.com for transcripts, social media links, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes, and a lot more about the show. And if you enjoy the show and think other Muggles would, too, tell a friend about the show, and we’d also appreciate if you left us a review in your favorite podcast app. All right, that does it for this week’s episode. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: I’m Eric.

Micah: I’m Micah.

Laura: I’m Laura.

Catherine: And I’m Catherine.

Andrew: Bye, everybody.

Laura: Bye, y’all.

Catherine: Bye.

Transcript #651

 

MuggleCast 651 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #651, Girls Takeover, Part 2: How Motherhood Is A Core Theme in Harry Potter


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Laura Tee: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. This week, the ladies of MuggleCast are back to round out Women’s History Month with another MuggleCast Girls Takeover. Hello, ladies. It’s so good to have y’all here.

Chloé Laverson: Woo!

Laura: Just to remind everyone, we have Chloé, the one and only, who is the MuggleCast social media manager.

Chloé: Hi, friends.

Laura: We have Meg, who has taken on the enormous task of getting MuggleCast transcribed, so thank you, thank you, thank you so much, Meg.

Meg Scott: You are welcome.

Laura: And we have Pam, who is my Millennial bestie over co-hosting Millennial Podcast with me and Andrew.

Pam Gocobachi: Hello.

Laura: It’s so great to have all of you back.

Pam: It’s nice to be back.

Laura: Thank you for spending your Friday night with me.

Meg: Nowhere we would rather be, honestly.

Chloé: Anytime, babe.

Pam: Thanks to people in the server for coming to hang out with us, too.

Chloé: Yeah, true.

Pam: Y’all could be anywhere, but you’re here with us.

Laura: Aww.

Chloé: It’s because it’s a freaking party, Pam.

Laura: Well, I thought that we could check in a little bit after the first installment of Girls MuggleCast. By the way, just wanted to say we got so much great feedback about that episode.

Chloé: Yes.

Laura: We’re still hearing from people about it, right, Chloé?

Chloé: Yes, we did.

Pam: Oh, really? That’s so nice.

Chloé: Yes, everyone loved it. They were big fans. If you go to our Instagram, you’ll see the comments. People are saying that it was their favorite episode. I think a lot of women felt really seen by this. My favorite comment that really stood out was, “I didn’t know how badly I needed this, and the little teenager in me in 2005 is so happy and this makes my heart happy.” And I was like, “Ah, I’m so glad.”

Laura: I love that.

Chloé: It was just so much fun and the vibes were so good and everything. Our girls’ night that we had with our patrons was amazing, and the episode was so fun.

Laura: For sure. Well, we obviously had a really in-depth but also fun and lighthearted at times conversation about the representation of women in Harry Potter, but I was wondering – before we jump into this part two installment of that discussion – have we had any reflections since we did our last installment together? Or have we noticed anything new about our interpretations on the topic?

Meg: I’ve definitely been aware of it a lot, especially as MuggleCast has been doing Goblet of Fire Chapter by Chapter.

Laura: Same.

[Chloé laughs]

Meg: I feel like we talked a lot about how the author writes about femininity, and it’s so evident in characters like Fleur and Madame Maxime and Rita Skeeter, and so to see all that happen as we’re rereading Goblet of Fire is just like, “Oh, we talked about that. Oh, we talked about that.” Even little things like when McGonagall scolds Parvati for having a butterfly clip in her hair; little things like that where you’re like, “Why the shaming of fun ’90s accessories?”

Chloé: Yeah, one of the only examples of a ’90s accessory, by the way. They should all be wearing baggy pants and grunge clothing.

Meg: Chokers.

Chloé: The butterfly clip was the one thing, yeah.

Meg: Proof that Harry Potter is set in the 90s.

Chloé: Exactly, exactly. I think one thing that has really… actually, since our conversation, which really honestly healed a part of me, I think, finally being able to actually talk about this with women that know Harry Potter in-depth even more than I do, and it just was so special. And one thing I actually realized when I was preparing for this conversation is that there is a lot that I like about the writing of women, and I feel like last time I was really upset and I aired out my grievances especially with Fleur and a few of the other characters, but this time I really thought about it and a lot of these women became role models of mine or at least women I aspired to be like, so I’m excited to really dive into that.

Pam: Yeah, I’m with Meg. I think Goblet of Fire… having the perspective of our all girls episode, it just put a different lens on Goblet of Fire. And you guys had me on a few weeks ago for a Chapter by Chapter, and I’m nothing if not an over-preparer, so I ended up reading all 19 chapters…

Laura: Pam!

[Chloé laughs]

Pam: … and then I kept going because I forgot how much I love…

Chloé: Goblet of Fire is so good.

Meg: It’s so good. Favorite book.

Pam: It’s so easy to get sucked in. And you know what, I’ll tell you, too, Goblet of Fire is not even my favorite book, really, so I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it, which is why I just kept reading. But then also, just what was really put into perspective for me was just how one-dimensional sometimes women are in the sense that… we were talking a lot about how women are only allowed to be one thing at a time, often, in terms of the plot, and I feel like that really gets put into perspective with Hermione when Ron is not talking to Harry, and a lot of Harry’s lament is that Hermione is no fun and all they do is go to the library. And it’s like, I’m sure Hermione can be fun, she’s just got to get stuff done first. But it was interesting that that was the point that just kept getting hammered home, that he missed Ron because Hermione was no fun and all she wanted to do was study.

Meg: Yeah, and someone made some point after that episode about how maybe Harry isn’t having as many laughs with Hermione, but she’s the one kicking his ass into gear and being like, “You’re in a tournament where you might die; let’s go learn some magic.”

Chloé and Pam: Yeah.

Chloé: Again, the reason he survives. And Hermione, absolutely, I think can be fun; I think the issue is that we don’t see that side with the women. Maybe they’re not allowed to be fun, just because they are wrangling the men in the series a lot of the time.

Pam: I feel like that also – not to get too ahead of ourselves – I feel like that transitions really nicely into some of the discussion topics you guys came up with for us today, because Hermione is mothering Harry for a lot of the stint of the Triwizard Tournament, which makes sense because you need somebody to be in his corner, and the way that manifests for her is trying to take care of him. She’s being the mom friend, making sure that he’s prepared and he doesn’t die. She has a vested interest, but the way that that manifests is in such a motherly way.

Laura: And she believes him!

Pam: She does, she believes him.

Chloé: That’s the greater thing.

Pam: She’s like, “Of course you didn’t!” [laughs]

Chloé: And she never doubted him once.

Laura: Right, she is the only student at Hogwarts who believes him at this point in time, and Harry isn’t… not to say that I think he doesn’t value that, but I think he’s not thinking about it because he misses Ron that much. And I also want to just offer a disclaimer here: I don’t think it’s terrible that Harry longed for aspects of his friendship that he could only get with Ron.

Chloé: Agree.

Laura: I think anytime we go through this, you’ll feel something like that really acutely, and the result of it is it can cause you to inadvertently disrespect the person who is there supporting you and giving you what you need in the moment, even if what you need isn’t what you want.

Pam: Yeah, he just wanted an escape, too, I think, and I think that that’s what Ron would have offered if he had been there. He would have been like, “Don’t worry about the task, Harry; let’s just go have fun.”

Chloé: Right. Well, we all need different things from our friends; that’s why we have different friends in our life, and Hermione gives a very different purpose for Harry than Ron does. And Pam, you’re so right; Ron is escapism for him, and Hermione is always the person that brings him back to reality. I also think Hermione is the only person with any reality in Goblet of Fire, at least at the beginning. She’s understanding the weight of this, the fact that he could actually die. Ron is just mad that it’s not him. Meanwhile, Hermione is like, “Our friend could die, so now I need to help him in any way possible,” and meanwhile, Harry is just miserable.

Pam: And talk about foreshadowing, too, for Deathly Hallows because we see the same thing happen again. Ron decides to leave and he’s upset; he doesn’t understand that she’s staying because he could die and he needs help.

Chloé: Yep.


Main Discussion: Roles of women in Harry Potter


Laura: Well, I feel like that is a really good transition for us. It really sets us up to move into the beginning of our discussion, which is looking at the specific thematic roles of women in Harry Potter. And in having this discussion, I think we’re going to talk a little bit more about some characters we didn’t get to focus on very much last time, so I’m pretty excited about that. And Chloé, I think there’s a perspective that you take to this discussion as well.

Chloé: Well, I just love that we’re talking about the older women in this series; I feel like they’re not talked about enough. And we definitely focused, I’d argue, on the younger women in this series during our first discussion, because we see more of that.

Laura: Right.

Chloé: We see more of Hermione and Luna and Ginny, but these older women are not talked about enough. They are so powerful, and they bring so much to the table, and I also know that our listeners were asking for this, so I’m excited that we can talk about it for them as well.

Laura: Well, we were talking about Hermione basically mothering Harry, so let’s first talk about the roles of women as mothers in the Harry Potter series. So think about characters – and this certainly isn’t an exhaustive list, but I think it’s probably some of the more poignant representations that we didn’t get to spend a ton of time on – so we have Lily, Molly, Narcissa, Bellatrix, Petunia, Andromeda, Merope, and Alice as examples that we can draw from in this conversation. And I thought it would be interesting, instead of speaking specifically about how these women show up as mothers, it could be interesting to focus on what other roles these women serve, or do they serve another role apart from being a mother? And I wanted to focus first on Merope. She was someone who I hadn’t thought about in a while, and I actually went back and read some of the chapters in Half-Blood Prince in preparation for this episode, and I was really struck by how her story is really just tragedy. The other role that she serves is she’s just a very tragic character. There’s obviously no justification for what she does to Tom Riddle, Sr., but it’s easy to see why she was so desperate to find a way out of the poverty, neglect, and abuse that she’d experienced her entire life. And ultimately, when Tom Riddle, Sr. leaves her, she’s without resources, said to be without magic, either by choice or not by choice, and she’s ultimately got this diminished ability to care for her son and care for herself and it ultimately leads to her son being left in an orphanage and she dies.

Chloé: I will say, though, I thought that was an act of almost bravery from Merope.

Laura: Sure.

Chloé: As someone who was adopted and whose birth mother did die, I think that it was her last act of motherhood, and it was the last thing she ever did. She went to that orphanage to give birth because she knew she wasn’t going to survive, she knew she wasn’t going to make it, and she was like, “Okay, well, at least this will give my child a place to stay and food,” and honestly, as miserable as that orphanage is, it was a better way to grow up than the way she did in that horrible hovel with abuse. Obviously, Tom Riddle, Jr. – who becomes Voldemort – is a nasty, nasty kid, but that has nothing to do with Merope leaving him in an orphanage to hopefully be cared for. She didn’t know that he was going to be the monster that he is, so I actually think that in her last moments, she was what she could have been in terms of a good mother.

Pam: I have a question for you all – and I don’t know if I have the right answer for this either – but do you think that if a timeline exists where she would have lived, do you think that she even would have known how to love? Because so much of Voldemort’s trajectory starts because he has no love in his life and he is born out of a loveless coupling, right? And so when you think about Merope’s situation, she didn’t experience love from her family, and she fabricates love for herself but it’s not real, so would she even have been able to love him in some way?

Chloé: I think yes.

Pam: Because when you look at the parallels, too, between what happens with Tom Riddle, Jr. and what happens with Harry, Harry also goes to a loveless house, but he is still enveloped in the love that his parents had for him, and that’s what ends up saving him in the end, right?

Chloé: You’re right. Well, I think that… I mean, I want to believe that Merope could love. Just because she was raised in an abusive household where there was no love, I want to believe that Merope could have the capacity to. She was not conceived under a love potion, to her knowledge, right? So she could still have the capacity to do it. And I wonder with her child if that last act was an act of love, an act of sacrifice and love, or at least, the only type of love that she’s ever showed anyone else in her life.

Meg: Something I’m thinking about is the act of naming her son; specifically, she names him Tom for his father and Marvolo for her father. And so you look at her a product of her circumstances, growing in this house with an abusive father and brother, and not allowed to go to Hogwarts, not allowed to meet other people, but she still has this child and wants to give him a life better than what she had. And it’s something to think about, the fact that she picks a name for him after this man who could not love her without a love potion, and her father who treated her horribly. It’s kind of like she was thinking how things could have been and wanting to just put some sort of idea of any familial love into her child’s future.

Laura: Well, and I think that she probably didn’t think very much of herself, right? I mean, think about the way her father talked to her. And if she grew up with that and had no positive reinforcement or even strong female reinforcement in her life, it would make sense that she would find very little value in herself, and see herself, to your point, Meg, as bestowing upon her child something that might make his life better than hers. And she doesn’t know what a life better than hers looks like, but she knows what her life looks like, so anything different has to be better, probably.

Chloé: I also wonder if naming him after her father and his father is maybe a connection that later he can find back to his family. Naming him Tom gave him that connection back to his father that he could potentially find later, and without her in the picture, maybe his dad would want to spend time with his kid. I think a lot of mothers in desperate situations do try to leave some sort of connection when they’re not around.

Meg: Yeah, she tries to give him some sort of link to the past.

Chloé: To who he is.

Meg: And it’s an interesting “What if?” to think what if she hadn’t given him a name, and the orphanage didn’t know her name, and they said, “Okay, this is just a John Doe kid,” and he went to Hogwarts? He wouldn’t have been able to research his lineage, he wouldn’t have been able to find out that he was the son of a Muggle, which enforced so much of his views on Muggles, and he might have turned out very different.

Chloé: Couldn’t mix up his name to Lord Voldemort.

Meg: [laughs] Exactly.

Pam: But also, a family that she admired, right? She admired the Riddles for their strength and power in the Muggle world. She grew up knowing that even though they were destitute, she came from a great lineage, and it was a source of pride for her family, so she’s literally setting him up to say, “Hey, I’m not here, but you come from great stock,” basically.

Laura: And really, the irony is she’s giving him a trail back to his father so he can go kill him. [laughs]

Pam: Right. Merope’s revenge. [laughs]

Chloé: It sets this entire tumble of “What if?” If he wasn’t named Tom, it would be very, very different.

Laura: All right, we’ll be back in a moment to continue our conversation about the role of women as mothers.

[Ad break]

Laura: Now that we’ve just finished talking about [pronounces it “Mer-oh-pee”] Merope… [pronounces it “Mer-ope”] Merope… I’m second guessing the appropriate pronunciation because me and Chloé are saying it differently.

Pam: Me too. Me too.

[Everyone laughs]

Meg: I’ve always said [pronounces it “Mer-oh-pee”] Merope.

Chloé: I don’t know. I’m sure they’ll let us know in the Discord.

Laura: Yeah, yeah, for sure. [laughs] It’s not trying to call anybody out; I’m just sitting here being like, [pronounces it “Mer-ope”] Merope? [pronounces it “Mer-oh-pee”] Merope?

Chloé: I’m trying to think of the audiobooks and it’s just leaving me.

Pam: Same.

Laura: Well, whatever. We’re all friends here. We get it.

Pam: It’s fine.

[Chloé laughs]

Laura: So I thought it could be interesting to look at Bellatrix for a second on the heels of that discussion because…

Chloé: [gasps] Can I just…?

Laura: Yeah. Please. Go off.

Chloé: Can I just say, when I saw this in the… I was like, “Mother? Bellatrix?” And then it all hit me at once in the face and I was like, “Oh, she is a mother! Oh my God.”

Meg: I know, it took me a minute to be like, “That’s right!”

Chloé: I know, and then that’s Laura admitting that Cursed Child is canon. She’s taking it as canon.

[Laura sighs]

Pam: Yeah, I saw that and I was like, “Oh, y’all accept Cursed Child here around these parts?”

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Yeah, okay, so here’s the thing. It’s not… I don’t consider it pure canon. The original author didn’t write it.

[Chloé and Laura laugh]

Meg: It can be elective canon. For the purpose of this discussion, it’s more interesting if it’s canon.

Pam: For the sake of the plot. [laughs] The plot being this show.

Chloé: She did have a blue-haired daughter, so that’s pretty epic.

Pam: Kindred spirit for Laura, but that’s where it dies.

Laura: Yeah, for sure.

[Pam laughs]

Laura: Apparently her daughter had wings, or… honestly, y’all, I still haven’t read Cursed Child, so I don’t know.

Meg: I barely remember it. Does Delphi die?

Laura: She has wings, and I’m like, “What, did she drink a Red Bull or something?”

Chloé: She’s an Augurey. She’s this omen of death, which honestly makes so much sense, being Bellatrix and Voldemort’s child, but… I don’t know. JKR really went off on that fanfic.

Meg: Is Delphi still alive at the end of Cursed Child?

Pam: No, doesn’t she die?

Chloé: I feel like she dies. No?

Meg: I read the script once and then I saw the play once and then it was gone.

[Pam laughs]

Laura: You were like, “I’ve had enough of this.”

Chloé: I have seen it in person twice, and I did enjoy it in person, but reading it is absolute garbage. Garbage, flaming hot trash, yeah.

Laura: No, for sure. But thinking about Bellatrix as a mother, now that we’ve all accepted it…

[Pam laughs]

Laura: I know it’s difficult, because at first I’m just like, “Eugh.” I can’t…

Chloé: But is she a mother? She never sees her daughter. Her daughter is a literal baby-baby when she dies.

Laura: Right.

Chloé: Also, I can’t imagine she’s around a lot. Like, there’s a nanny for sure.

Laura: No. Oh, yeah. I mean, she’s clearly not spending time with her, because she’s in the war and then she dies, so… [laughs]

Chloé: You know what I honestly think is probably what happened? I think Narcissa probably raised Delphi.

Pam: No, she didn’t. They sent her to the Death Eater lady.

Chloé: Oh! So there was a nanny!

Pam: Yeah, they sent her to this huge Death Eater supporter. I can’t remember her name. You guys are going to get so many emails about how we don’t know anything.

[Chloé laughs]

Meg: We don’t know the Cursed Child lore.

Pam: Yeah, we don’t claim Cursed Child. Yeah, because she gets sent to this crazy fanatic Death Eater and that’s where she grows up, so it’s funny because I don’t even…

Meg: Why didn’t Narcissa raise her?

Pam: See, these are all good questions for the writers. [laughs]

Chloé: No, I was thinking before Bellatrix dies, I was thinking that maybe Narcissa takes more of a role until they send her to the fanatic, but maybe they sent her to the fanatic when she was immediately born.

Laura and Pam: Yeah.

Chloé: Who knows?

Laura: Maybe. But I thought it was interesting to think about Delphi as a character and to think about the perpetuation of cycles, like the one that Merope grew up in. Obviously, Merope’s situation was different than Delphi’s – they’re not exactly the same – but growing up in a loveless environment will mess you up, and ultimately, we see how that plays out for both of these characters, so I just thought I could give Cursed Child a little bit of props by making that comparison.

Pam: I think, though, that we hit the nail on the head: It’s safe to say that even if Bellatrix had survived, I just don’t see her as a character that would have chosen motherhood, and so I just don’t think she would have been active. It would have been a very cold relationship one way or another.

Chloé: Oh, yeah. I can’t imagine…

Meg: Yeah, it’s… I was going to say, it feels very much like it was motivated by her wanting to have a physical tie to Voldemort.

Pam: Right, or to give him an heir because that’s what he wanted for some reason. She would have just willingly given the baby up.

Meg: Yeah, her being like, “I can do this for you, my lord.”

Pam: Yeah, exactly.

Chloé: Yeah, I was thinking that. Maybe there was a draw to – for both of them – this idea of combining their power and having an heir that was very magical and very strong, because we know obviously both of them are a very capable wizard and witch, so there could be that element too. I just think Bellatrix, yeah, absolutely never wanted to be a mom. Her mom was definitely not a great mom, given what they went through growing up.

Laura: Yeah. And then I guess they’ll have a three-quarter-blood child?

Chloé: Oh, lord.

Pam: They probably don’t want to advertise that. [laughs]

Laura: I mean, that seems like something that would matter to them.

Chloé: No, here’s the thing, though: Bellatrix never knew that Voldemort was a half-blood, no? So she would think that it’s a completely pure-blood child.

Laura: Oh my God, you’re right. I totally forgot about that!

Chloé: Voldemort kept that on the DL. He kept that on the DL. So Bellatrix had a child that wasn’t pure-blood.

Laura: Wow.

Pam: She’s rolling in her grave, in her dusty grave.

Chloé: Literally. [laughs]

Laura: So I mean, obviously, Bellatrix is not someone we would call a good mother, maybe not even someone we’d be comfortable giving the label “mother” at all on the basis of the conversation we’re having.

Chloé: LegalizeGillyweed said, “Bellatrix might be a mom, but she will never be a mother,” which reminds me of that… I guess it’s usually flipped, right? But just, yeah, she might have had a child, but she never did anything to care for or raise.

Meg: I remember once seeing back in 2006 some Potter fan art comic of like, “What if Bellatrix had a child?” and it was Bellatrix and Narcissa standing there and Bellatrix’s son is playing with a crocodile and Narcissa looks horrified.

[Everyone laughs]

Pam: Sounds about right.

Meg: And Bellatrix is like, “Yeah, he’s a good kid.”

[Chloé laughs]

Meg: And so when I read Cursed Child and she became a mother, I was like… that’s where my mind went, to her letting her kid play with a crocodile and being like, “Yeah, he’s a good kid.”

Pam: I’m also just thinking, didn’t Harry have a vision, too, of her training Draco? Yeah, so if you think about just… he is blood. That’s her sister’s kid. And even though he’s being treated as an adult by the time that happens, I would relate that to what her version of motherhood would be. She’d be like, “You need to toughen up. Crucio. Deal with it.”

Chloé: Oh, definitely. Tough love. Definitely.

Laura: Well, Pam, tell me about good mothers, because we just spent some time talking about bad mothers. What role did good mothers serve in this series?

Pam: I was thinking about mothers a lot when I realized we were going to talk about this, and the conclusion I came to is that at the end of the day, the books really make mothers the unsung heroes of almost the entire story. I think they come in and save the day a little bit more than we maybe think that they do. Obviously, Molly kills Bellatrix, but it’s an act of motherhood; she’s protecting her child when she does that. And then obviously, the story starts with Lily being a prime example of doing this heroic thing; she saves her son, and it’s her last act. So mothers feel like not only the unsung heroes, but there’s so many instances where mothers literally shield or save their children. Even going back to Goblet of Fire – which I know you guys are covering right now – the only reason Barty Crouch, Jr. survives long enough for Harry to meet him is because his mother sacrifices herself. She begs for his life.

Laura: Even though she knows what he did.

Pam: Right, exactly. But it’s the selfless sacrifice of mothers. That’s the… it relates to the real world where sometimes people say, “Motherhood is a blessing, but it’s also a sacrifice.” It’s the ultimate sacrifice you can make. You’re literally giving your life up so that you can…

Chloé: Your body.

Pam: Yeah, everything, to raise your children.

Chloé: Well, a part of me thinks that it’s not unsung because of that, because we start the story off with the example of motherhood and sacrifice, and then the cap with Narcissa lying to Voldemort and saving Harry’s life because of Draco and because of her child. That’s a mother’s love once again starting this series, and essentially, in my opinion, ending the series, or at least the Harry being a Horcrux journey. And for me, I think J.K. puts the most value in motherhood. And I think that every single older woman, especially, but even… we were talking about Hermione, and I’d argue even in Luna and Ginny, they all have these traits that are motherly. They’re all caregivers in some way. And I think that underlying all of this and the subtext of this story is that J.K. Rowling believes that motherhood is the most important thing a woman can do. And I don’t necessarily disagree; I think it’s brave, and I think it’s incredible, but she makes the women that aren’t mothers still mothers, based on the way that they behave. This is maybe a hot take, but even Umbridge, in some cases, shows ways that… maybe a not so great mother, but how someone would mother. So I think that motherhood is just soaked into this series and is in every single woman, no matter who they are. And when you were talking about good mothers, Pam, what came up for me is, okay, well, if it started with Lily, like you were saying, and ends with Narcissa, is Narcissa a good mother? To Draco?

Pam: Well, I think that’s subjective, but I think what it boils down to is the unconditional love. So we’re not here to argue whether… it’s not really an argument whether somebody is inherently good or not, but it’s a reflection of how their love manifests towards their children that really matters. That’s really the one thing that absolves even the bad characters. Like when you look at Draco, he has a bit of a redemption, right? In the end, and you probably could argue that’s completely because Narcissa loved him unconditionally. And then it’s the same even when you look at Dudley. Dudley is a jerk, but he also gets redeemed at the end. And there’s no denying that Petunia’s love for her son is true and is unconditional, so he grows up feeling that love, and I think that kind of is what ultimately leads him to be a little bit more compassionate the last time we see him, and then we also know that as they grow, him and Harry have a cordial relationship as adults.

Chloé: J.K. Rowling was relatively a new mother, right, when she started writing these books? So I wonder if that’s why this theme is just ringing so true through the women. We say write what we know, and I wonder if that sacrifice and that unconditional love was in everything.

Pam: Not to get too much into her origin story, but she struggled a lot, too. She was a poor single mother, and she figured out how to change her situation and how to give her children a better life, and so I think you’re right; I think that’s why we see that manifest in different ways in the plot.

Meg: Yeah, I think there was definitely an influence of writing Harry Potter while also having her baby in a stroller next to her in the cafe.

Pam: Right.

Meg: And also, we know the death of her mother was a huge influence on the story. On the role of mothers, though, I think there’s a difference between being a good person and being a good mother, and I think there’s a difference between being a good mother and a loving mother.

Laura: Ahh.

Chloé: Whoa, that was beautiful, Meg. [laughs]

Laura: That’s deep.

Chloé: It’s so true.

Meg: Well, because Pam, when you mentioned Petunia, it made me think of when Dumbledore visits the Dursleys in the beginning of Book 6, and he says, “You were terrible to Harry, you abused him, treated him awfully, but at least you didn’t do to him what you did to your own son,” and the Dursleys even have a moment where they’re like, “When did we ever mistreat Dudley??” but it’s like, they did, by spoiling him and encouraging his bullying behavior. And I mean, it’s kind of a wonder that he was able to turn around and be like, “Actually, cousin, you’re not a waste of space.”

Chloé: Which like, bare minimum, by the way. Bare, bare minimum to say to your cousin who you grew up with, who you treated horribly, “You know, I don’t think you’re completely worthless.”

Pam: Also, he wants to take him with him.

Meg: Yeah, he’s like, “What about you?”

Chloé: That’s true.

Pam: I think that that is… I mean, obviously, we don’t want to give too much credit to badly behaved people, but I do think that there’s something really sweet about the fact that at the end of the day, he’s like, “What do you mean, he’s not coming? What do you mean, we are going to go and stay safe? What do you mean that he’s not going to be safe?”

Laura: Yeah, and I feel like maturity is realizing that Dudley is not the villain in the Dursley dynamic.

Chloé: No, not even a little.

Laura: It’s his parents. And yes, Dudley definitely owed Harry an apology for everything that happened when they were children, but at the end of the day, his parents were the ones responsible. He was emulating behavior that he saw his parents demonstrating towards his cousin, so he thought it was acceptable, so you actually can’t blame him, to a degree.

Meg: And Dudley is the one who says, “I don’t think you’re a waste of space,” and his parents are the ones who just walk away without saying anything. There’s that beautiful deleted scene in Deathly Hallows where Petunia is like, “You didn’t just lose a mother; I lost a sister,” but in the books, that doesn’t happen. She looks at Harry like she’s going to say something and then she loses the nerve and just leaves.

Chloé: Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think we see that in Draco, too, and any of the characters that have parents that are not parents that we would consider great, or in bad situations. It’s like, these kids are learning from somewhere, right? They’re getting this from someone else, and I don’t think you can ever fault the kid. And the fact that Dudley at 17 was able to turn around says a lot.

Laura: Yeah, HallowWolf in our Discord is saying, “I think it’s assumed that the cup of tea Harry steps on outside his bedroom was also an attempted act of kindness by Dudley at the beginning of Deathly Hallows.”

Pam: Stop, why does that make me really emotional? [laughs]

Laura: I know, I know.

Pam: It’s so sweet. Damn.

Chloé: I saw this headcanon that said Dudley and Harry made a considerable effort to have their kids get to know each other, and to get the family together, and even though it was sometimes tense, they still spent time together as a family, and I cried.

Pam: Undoing generational trauma.

Laura: Break those cycles.

Pam: Yeah, I love that.

Chloé: Well, and they both could have family, and Harry could have family that was related to… I just think that’s really beautiful, and I fully accepted it as canon. Where’s that button? Where’s Andrew?

[Everyone laughs]

Pam: Oh, is there a canon sound effect?

Laura: No sound effects this week, unfortunately.

Meg: Eh, he can add them in post.

Chloé: I declare canon! I can make my own.

[thunder sound effect plays]

Meg: There you go, Chloé. You did it.

Laura: So I want us to also talk about the roles of women as teachers. So got some pretty obvious examples here in McGonagall, Sprout, Trelawney, Burbage, Umbridge – that rhymed – Pince, Hooch, and Pomfrey. I’m sure we can find other examples. I think, obviously, Hermione is an example of a teacher too.

Chloé: Ooh.

Laura: But again, I’m interested in thinking about apart from teachers, what other roles do these women characters serve, and how do they intersect with that of being a teacher? I thought Pomfrey was an interesting one to start with, because she’s technically on the staff, right? We would consider her a teacher amongst the Hogwarts staff, but she’s also playing the role of caregiver, right? Which overlaps a lot with the theme of motherhood. And I think it’s really interesting because she, Pince, Hooch, and McGonagall all have in common that they have no time for nonsense. They very much give the energy of a mother who cares and who wants to take care of you and wants to do right by you, but she’s not going to take any of your BS.

Pam: She knows when you’re lying.

Meg: Yeah, Pomfrey especially, she has mama bear energy.

Chloé: Yes, totally.

Meg: She is one of the few characters we see who will step up to Dumbledore, even, and be like, “Get out of here. These children are healing. Go have your plot points somewhere else; let them rest.”

[Laura laughs]

Chloé: I feel like McGonagall does that, too, a few times, stands up to Dumbledore. And I love that. They’re like, “No, these are kids first,” and I feel like a lot of the male teachers forget that often.

Pam: Meg, to your point, I think that whenever we see one of the characters go see Madame Pomfrey, she also is making it vocally clear that behind the scenes in moments that we don’t get to witness, she’s voicing her concern. She’s saying, “I told them that the Triwizard Tournament was a bad idea. Why would you let Gilderoy Lockhart mend your arm? Why would you do this, this, and that?”

Meg: “Whose thought was this?”

Pam: Yeah, exactly.

Chloé: I just wish we had spent more time with all of these women, Pomfrey especially, just because the act of being a healer for the entire school must have been so much, and she must have seen the craziest nonsense given that Hogwarts is…

Meg: In a magic school!

Chloé: Yeah, Hogwarts is a security nightmare.

Pam: And we hear about some of it. She’s like, “Oh, thank God they’re growing Bubotubers, because now kids won’t try to hex their pimples off.” [laughs]

Meg: And remove their nose instead.

Chloé: Me. I’m sorry, that would have been so me.

Meg: Same.

Chloé: The second I got a wand, I would have been like, “Okay, so how do I remove my pimples? How do I dye my own hair?” That would have been my first question.

[Pam laughs]

Laura: I think it’s really interesting to consider Pomfrey through the lens of the only person at Hogwarts who is concerned with public health.

Meg and Pam: Yeah.

Chloé: [laughs] Real. Yeah, maybe Lupin a little bit, but other than the two of them, not at all. Because Pomfrey, the only compliment I feel like that she ever gives another teacher is to Lupin, and she’s like, “Oh, someone who actually knows what they’re doing? Great. Thank God.”

Pam: I’m just imagining her having to address the whole student body like, “There’s an outbreak of dragon pox; please no snogging.” [laughs]

Chloé: Real. Oh my God.

Pam: Just like in the high school movies.

Chloé: Do you wonder did Pomfrey teach sex ed? That would fall under her role, right? Or Hooch, because she’s technically the gym teacher.

Meg: Yeah, I would hope it’s them and not the Heads of Houses.

Laura: Oh no.

Chloé: Oh, lord. Can you imagine Snape? [laughs] No, thank you.

Laura: No, no. That is not permitted. I’m pretty sure that’s against the rules. Dumbledore has, actually, a list of educational decrees from before Umbridge came to Hogwarts, and educational decree number one is that Severus Snape cannot teach sex ed. [laughs]

Chloé: I feel like they don’t teach it at all, if I’m so honest, given how old school Hogwarts is. Just the wizarding world in general, I feel like they have some crazy Tales of Beedle the Bard story about how babies come to be.

[Chloé and Pam laugh]

Laura: Probably. I mean, we never see people shower, really. We see Harry take a bath once the entire series. [laughs]

Chloé: What episode was it…? It was a few episodes ago when someone was like, “Yeah, they don’t shower. They’re just dirty all the time.”

[Laura laughs]

Chloé: And I was cackling because it’s true. We don’t see them shower.

Laura: Eh, it’s not relevant to the plot.

Chloé: Maybe they just Evanesco themselves clean?

Pam: Oh, that’s definitely what boys do at Hogwarts.

Chloé: Oh, nasty.

Pam: Teenage boys are gross.

Meg: The idea of just putting on a fresh coat of deodorant and being like, “That’s a shower.”

Chloé: Do you think that there’s…?

Pam: Oh my God. [laughs]

Chloé: I was about to say, is there wizarding deodorant? Or wizarding perfume?

Pam: There’s got to be a spell for that. They’ve evolved past solids. [laughs]

Laura: Well, what about Heads of Houses?

Pam: Yeah, I think that – sticking with the mother theme – McGonagall and Sprout are Heads of Houses, and that really overlaps with that. They’re literally mothering a group of students and they’re serving as disciplinaries and yeah, so I think it all fits, right? I think that also… I think that you guys are right; McGonagall does present as more stern. I think that Professor Sprout, a lot of times the way she’s written comes off a little bit more nurturing.

Laura: Jovial.

Pam: And maybe it’s the Herbology angle, too.

Meg: Earthy.

Chloé: [laughs] Plants! Plant mom.

Pam: Gardening, you have to… well, if you’re tending and you care for plants, then you’re… yeah, plant mom. I think that’s where it all goes. And then McGonagall also has soft sides to her. I think it’s really sweet that she genuinely cares about Harry; she frets over him, she’s more nervous than he is when she’s walking him down to the first task. She also is force-feeding him biscuits, which is such a grandma thing to do.

Meg: It is.

Chloé: She is grandma vibes, honestly. Maybe that’s more what it is.

Pam: I have so much love for Professor McGonagall. I think she might be my favorite mother, or not mother, but older female character in the series.

Meg: She’s in my top… if not top three, top five, at least.

Chloé: She would be an incredible mother. She doesn’t have a child, but I know that she would love so hard and make sure that that child has such an incredible life and is strong and is magical. I just think she would be an incredible mother. If I’m honest, I think that – like I said earlier – every single woman in this series has some sort of motherly/nurturing tendencies; I think that’s just how they’re written. And I’d argue that a lot of women do have those tendencies. Why do we think that the mom friend is so common throughout all of our friend groups? And we all care deeply for the people… so I think in a way it parallels real life that all these women – even if they’re not mothers – have some sort of caregiving nature, asides from a few, like Bellatrix. Which is also real; there are some women that don’t have any of it, and they don’t want to, and that’s cool, too. But I do think this parallels real life.

Laura: I agree. And I think it’s interesting, thinking about the mom friend example, how we can all show up in multifaceted ways depending on the space that we’re in. So for example, I have definitely been the mom friend before, in a very specific context. In general, though, I don’t think I’m the mom friend.

Chloé: No, I agree with you. I mean…

Laura: [laughs] Chloé is like, “You are not a mom friend.”

[Everyone laughs]

Chloé: No, that’s not what I meant, that’s not what I meant. You’re perfect and I love you so much.

Laura: No, I am messing with you. [laughs]

Chloé: But okay, I feel like sometimes you show up that way, but I don’t think that is your overarching trait or where you go.

Laura: No.

Chloé: For example, when I went through a really difficult breakup in October, you actively checked up on me multiple times and was like, “How are you doing?” And that’s such a caring and nurturing thing to do. Obviously, you were doing it as my friend and someone who cares about me, but that would fall under mom friend, I feel like, vibes, but you’re not that. When we went to brunch, you insisted on treating me, which I think is also a way of showing care and nurture in a different way. So I think all of us show up that way, for sure.

Laura: Just in our own ways.

Chloé and Pam: Yeah.

Chloé: Exactly.

Meg: And it is all linked to feminine energy. And there are men who mother, and they exhibit this feminine energy of taking care and making sure that everyone is safe and healthy and happy, too.

Pam: Yeah, it’s the “Text me when you get home” energy.

Laura: Aw, yeah.

Chloé: I love that.

Pam: I think women do that. I think it’s almost a compulsory thing that we all do, because we all know that sometimes people don’t make it home and we just want to make sure everyone’s okay. But I always feel like that’s such a green flag when my guy friends do it. All my guy friends are green flags, because I wouldn’t be friends with them if they weren’t…

[Chloé laughs]

Pam: … but it’s like, “Oh, that’s so sweet. Yes, this is good energy. Text me when you get home, I will do that.”

Chloé: Yeah. I also think that there’s this component of women caring for other women because they know how difficult it is to be a woman and exist in this world. I think a lot of us show up maybe sometimes as the mom friend, because we know that we want someone to care about our wellbeing and we want to be cared for, so we’re doing that in return. And Meg, I’ll give Eric a shout-out; he shows up in that way a lot. I think that he does check in on people a lot and does have a nurturing side to him that I guess we would typically maybe align with more feminine energy, but he has it.

Meg: Absolutely agree.

Laura: So actually, there is a character that I want Meg to make a point about here quickly, who exemplifies just that.

Meg: Yeah, and it’s Remus Lupin. Tying back to where Madam Pomfrey is like, “Finally someone here who actually knows his stuff,” it’s Lupin knowing to give chocolate to everyone after the Dementors. He’s got soft energy. He’s caring.

Chloé: Yes.

Meg: He’s not one to go charging into situations; he’s one to hang back and check on everyone, and it’s a place where we see this stereotype be broken. And there are other male characters we see this with, too; Hagrid and Newt, specifically, I thought of, referring to themselves as mummy when in relation to their beasts, their pets.

Chloé: I love that so much. It’s breaking the toxic masculinity that’s so prevalent in the wizarding world and just fully accepting that they’re being the nurturing and the caregiver. I love that. I love both of those points so much.

Pam: Yeah. And we see that manifest out aside from the creatures that they both care for, right? Hagrid – bless his heart – we all know he’s not the best cook, but he’s still sending Harry rock cakes. He’s trying. Or he brings him the birthday cake, and he’s always checking in on them. Everybody knows he’s… Harry, Ron, and Hermione know that if they need comforting, they can go to Hagrid and he’s always going to be there.

Chloé: Yeah, it’s true. They seek him out.

Pam: And I think that’s so sweet.

Laura: Yeah, and he does things throughout the series to, I think, try and mediate as well when he senses things are off with the trio. I mean, think about Prisoner of Azkaban when Hagrid sits Harry and Ron down and he’s like, “Come on, she’s your friend.” And I think, as a society, we typically wouldn’t expect an adult man to step in and say something like that in defense of a teenage girl, right? So Hagrid really does defy those expectations.

Pam: We also have to believe that it’s not a unique experience to Harry, Ron, and Hermione, because when Rita Skeeter tries to paint him as dangerous because he’s half-giant, Dumbledore says that he got hundreds of letters from parents saying, “If I fire you, we will raise hell,” and so that kind of shows that he’s been filling that role at Hogwarts for longer than the trio have been there.

Meg: I think there’s a line in Chamber of Secrets where he talks about having Ginny round for tea also, without her brother Ron being there.

Pam: He just collects strays. I feel like he probably does pay attention to who is making friends and who’s having a hard time.

Chloé: Also, Neville really tries to stand up for him against Umbridge to the best of his ability in the fifth book. And obviously, Neville was terrified, but he tries to be there for Hagrid, and I think there’s probably examples there. And I definitely think he does it for the Gryffindors, for sure.

Laura: Well, I want to talk about the roles of women in war, as well. This is something we’ve touched on a little bit in the past on the show, but I thought it could be interesting to look at the light side versus the dark side and what roles women on either side of this war, what roles they fill, and maybe what roles can be represented on either side of the war. I think we’ve seen that motherhood is one of those, right?

Chloé: Yeah, I just… while we were talking about this conversation – and I framed this earlier – I was really thinking about how, yes, all of these characters have some sort of motherly trait, but on top of that, a lot of them are warriors. Molly Weasley is a mother. That is her main thing; that’s what we see her do. And she’s a good mother, and she’s goodhearted and kind, and she’s also an incredible badass witch and she fights in that Battle of Hogwarts and she kills one of the most powerful witches on the other side. She is a mother, she’s caring, she’s lovely, she is a warrior. I also think of Fleur, who’s the same thing; she is beautiful and feminine, and also a warrior and fights, and I’d argue she also has motherly traits when the trio is at Shell Cottage and she’s taking care of all of them. So I think that JKR, to her credit, does write these women in a way that makes them just as powerful as the men, in my opinion, and I wish that we saw more of them. That would make me happy. But at the end of the day, they are all very capable to fight as well as to nurture.

Meg: Yeah, this makes me think of Hermione also.

Chloé and Laura: Yeah.

Meg: Hermione is so smart, she’s so talented, so capable, but she also cries a lot, she’s emotional, and it’s nice to see that someone can be both of those things.

Chloé: Oh, that’s so real. That’s so real. [laughs]

Laura: And she can also be wrong. I mean, Hermione is off sometimes.

Meg: Love it when she’s wrong.

Laura: Yeah, and that’s something I actually really do appreciate about the way many characters in the story are written. I mean, you look at characters that you’re really, I think, predisposed to like overall, but they’re still pretty flawed. Dumbledore the biggest among them, since Andrew isn’t here and he can’t defend Dumbledore this week.

Chloé: I even think about… we were talking a lot about how JKR – last time – writes interesting things regarding traditional femininity, but on the opposite token, Lavender and Parvati, they join Dumbledore’s Army. Yes, they’re super girly and giggly and traditionally feminine, and I think unfortunately the author makes them “annoying,” and I’m doing little… what are these called?

Laura and Meg: Air quotes.

Chloé: Air quotations.

[Pam laughs]

Chloé: But they’re also willing to fight, they join Dumbledore’s Army, they want to protect themselves and other people, and that’s pretty awesome.

Meg: Yeah, they fight in the Battle of Hogwarts, and depending on what canon you believe, Lavender even gives her life.

Chloé and Laura: Yep.

Chloé: I’m still in that vague “I don’t know what happened” part of my brain because I love her so much.

Meg: Oh, she’s totally alive. Lavender is alive in my mind.

Chloé: Yeah, she just likes her steaks raw. [laughs] Like Bill.

Meg: Exactly.

Laura: Listen, I feel like the rule of any franchise is unless you see a body – unless it is unequivocally communicated that they are dead – they’re not dead.

Meg: No body, no crime.

Laura: Exactly.

[Chloé and Pam laugh]

Pam: Yes, Meg.

Chloé: Come on, Taylor Swift. She had to pop up.

Laura: Hey, look at Harry. He died and he came back, so…

[Everyone laughs]

Chloé: Yeah, that’s true. He did it twice!

Laura: Yep, he pulled a Jesus.

Chloé: Real.

Meg: LegalizeGillyweed says, “Lavender is living in an all women’s werewolf colony. (Heart hands.)”

[Everyone laughs]

Chloé: That sounds like my dream, I’m not going to lie. I love that. Where can I sign up?

Laura: That sounds great. I also want to call out Lindsay, who said, “I think the women are seen having the burden of making hard decisions that they believe will impact their children’s future,” and that’s so true, right? Even when we’re talking about – and this is where we can shift to talking about the dark side – but we look at someone like Narcissa, who’s like, “You know what? My son’s future is more important to me than my ideology.”

Chloé: I was about to say, I feel uncomfortable putting her in the dark side because of that.

Laura: Yeah? Tell me about that.

Chloé: I don’t think she has a side except Draco. That is her side. I think that Narcissa, because she met Lucius, ended up being on the bad side. I think she probably could have gone the same way Andromeda went if she hadn’t met him. She followed him, she followed her family, and she does have that unconditional love that Pam was talking about earlier. So for her, it was anything to preserve her family, anything to preserve Draco, and that ended up with her being on the dark side. And I think by the end of it, she realized that being on the dark side was no longer going to save Draco and her family, so she got out and she made that change. I just don’t think she picks a side except self-preservation and her family’s preservation, which is very Slytherin of her, if I’m honest.

Meg: Yeah, you could argue that Narcissa leads with love. She loves her family, and that’s why she finds a nice pure-blood man to settle down with, and then she loves him, and that’s why she is agreeing with him on these political topics, and then she loves her son, and ultimately, she makes her choice based on that.

Laura: Yeah, but I guess if we’re making it… especially in talking about the wizarding war, we know that it heavily parallels to World War II. Unfortunately, there were plenty of people just like Narcissa during World War II, who maybe themselves weren’t necessarily Nazis to their cores, but they sure rubbed shoulders with the Nazis and they broke bread with the Nazis and they were down with the Nazis as long as it was convenient for them and it wasn’t causing any issues in their life. I think that is who Narcissa is, 100%.

Meg: Yeah. I would amend my statement; she leads with her personal love, the people she loves. She does not lead with a love for humanity or what is right.

Laura: I agree with that.

Chloé: I think very few characters lead with that. I think most of them lead with love for their family or their loved ones.

Laura: Yeah. I mean, I feel like within the trio, Hermione is really the one who leads with the most love of the three of them. Even just thinking about her…

Chloé: Love of humanity, love of justice, love of fairness.

Laura: Yeah, exactly. And I mean, just thinking about her approach towards SPEW and house-elves, as we’ve discussed many times, she’s not exactly going about it in the most effective way. But she’s doing what she knows how, and she’s standing up for somebody that she really doesn’t have to stand up for. I mean, her life is probably going to be easier at Hogwarts if she isn’t sticking out like a sore thumb as that weird girl with the SPEW buttons.

Meg: Yeah, shaking the badges under everyone’s nose.

[Laura and Pam laugh]

Chloé: But I love that about her, though. She’s so unapologetically herself, and she believes so fiercely, and it’s so beautiful. A part of me wishes that I was like that when I was growing up and I cared way less about what other people thought and cared way more about what I was doing and what I was trying to accomplish, because it’s brave of Hermione. I mean, honestly, that’s a big part of the Gryffindor in her, to me, is the idea that she just barrels on and she doesn’t care. She does not care what other people think in the way that I think… I mean, I think she cares a little, but she doesn’t care enough about what other people think to stop. She’s going to keep going and she’s going to fight on.

Laura: Yeah, that’s why she’s a warrior, to your point. But I want to keep us focused on the dark side, and I think, Meg, you had put in a really interesting name origin here as we’re talking about these women.

Meg: Yeah, I had a note about Bellatrix because when I saw “Roles of women in war,” including Bellatrix, I remembered that “Bellatrix” literally means “warrior.” And in verifying this, I actually learned that the word “bella” – just “bella” – has two meanings in Latin. It can mean both “beautiful,” and the plural form of “bellum,” meaning war. So “Bella” becomes beautiful warrior, which is really an oxymoron in terms of femininity, taking the word beautiful, which is supposed to be so soft and lovely and glorious, and then warrior, which… war is ugly, it’s harsh, it’s sharp.

Laura: To her it probably is beautiful, though.

Chloé: Yeah, I was about to say, there’s that, and also the idea that she is probably Voldemort’s number two guy, maybe. She is his beautiful warrior, and she’s beautiful – we know that canonically in the story – and she uses that. I mean, I think it’s so fitting of a name.

Laura: So we chatted a little bit about the light side and the dark side, but are there any female characters that we think are left out and really don’t get to pick a side? Apart from Narcissa; we have that on the record that Narcissa is kind of maybe ambiguous.

Chloé: Can I just say, by not picking a side, though, she is picking a side, right? Which is the truth of anything. If you’re not fighting for good, you are complacent in evil, which is with what you were saying about Nazi sympathizers and people that didn’t do anything during World War II. I just think that her story is complicated. And there’s a lot of conversation in the chat happening right now talking about how likely it was that she was also in an abusive marriage, considering how Lucius treated Dobby and how he potentially treated Draco as well. I feel like Narcissa was doing everything she could within her means, and that’s the other thing; I don’t think it would have been possible for her to get out. She went from her father’s house to her husband’s house, and she’s never known anything else, and I think that there’s just a lot more nuance with Narcissa than just putting her in bad, evil side.

Laura: Yeah, I get it.

Meg: I think similar to Narcissa is Merope in that she is a product of her environment, but unlike Narcissa, Merope doesn’t even go to Hogwarts, so she never even gets to see the other side. It’s implied that she just grows up only having interactions with her father and brother, who tell her, “Muggles are scum; you are a worthy person because of your bloodline,” and so she really doesn’t have a chance to ever get to form her own opinion, and it just goes to show how important education really is in getting a good, rounded view of the world.

Laura: All right, well, we are going to be coming back to speak about the role of women in fandom, but first, we need to take a quick break to listen to these messages.

[Ad break]


Main discussion: Women in fandom


Laura: All right, and we are back. Now we want to pivot to talking about the role of women in fandom. Obviously, all of us have been in fandom for quite some time, so we want to talk about our place in the Harry Potter fandom, what it’s looked like, what our contributions look like at this point in time, but we also want to talk about some of the prominent initiatives that are led by women in the Harry Potter fandom, and ultimately, how the wizarding world fandom has created space for all kinds of people. So I thought we could get started by talking about how we currently interact with and contribute to the fandom. Obviously, a big part of that is this podcast, right?

Chloé: Sure. [laughs]

Laura: We all contribute to this podcast in one way or another. And obviously, those are really significant things, but I would wager to guess that there’s a lot of interaction that we have with the Harry Potter fandom that isn’t necessarily always captured on this show, so I’m just curious to hear from y’all: In what ways are you engaging with the Potter fandom outside of podcasting these days?

Meg: Well, I have been a volunteer with MuggleNet for 11 years now.

Chloé: Oh my God, what?

Pam: Wow.

Meg: I know, I know.

Chloé: I didn’t know that.

Meg: Yeah, social media copy editor. I make sure that whenever people have a tweet scheduled about Dame Maggie Smith, that it hasn’t accidentally been autocorrected to “Damn Maggie Smith.” That happened once, and then they brought on me.

[Laura laughs]

Meg: So I make sure that things are just nice and neat over there. But yeah, I spend a lot of time with MuggleNet. It was my homepage in 2005, and that’s how I first heard about MuggleCast. And then I saw they wanted podcast transcribers in 2012, and I applied, and that’s how I got started there, and then they wanted a social media copy editor. But I mean, when I first encountered MuggleNet, I remember it being very much a boys’ club, and listening to MuggleCast, it was just entirely boys plus Laura.

Pam: [laughs] Look at how far we’ve come!

Laura: I know, we really have.

Meg: But also, for over a decade now MuggleNet has been majority women-led, and since 2017, leadership has almost exclusively been women. And we did a demographic survey a couple years ago and we found that about 80% of MuggleNet staff are women, and the other 20% are 10% men and 10% non-binary people, and it’s just such a far cry from what it was back in 2004, 2005.

Laura: Seriously.

Meg: And I just see the discussions that we have there, and we bring ideas, and we’re smart, and we’re funny, and we’re the ones keeping it going.

Laura: Yeah, and I think it’s so interesting, comparing those demographics to the demographics of the fandom. I think it’s fair to say that while Harry Potter fans come in all packages, right? When you think about the fandom, the people who are most active, the people who are showing up at conventions… I’m not discounting men who show up, but you’re talking about an overwhelming majority of women, at least in my experience. I remember this being a little bit of a joke back when I was a teenager and going to Harry Potter conferences, because me and my friends would be like, “Oh, maybe we’ll meet a guy there at the convention. Won’t that be, like, hot and fun?”

[Pam laughs]

Laura: And then it was like, “Okay, well, there’s a ratio of 10 to 1 of men and women at these conventions,” and the guy is probably gay, was the other thing.

Chloé: [laughs] Real.

Meg: It’s just like going to art school.

[Pam laughs]

Laura: Yeah, I can imagine!

Chloé: True.

Meg: My college experience was very much like a Harry Potter convention.

Laura: [laughs] That sounds great.

Chloé: I feel like going to a Harry Potter convention with the MuggleCast boys, all the girls were low-key after them, probably.

Laura: Yes.

Chloé: So you were like, “What do I even do? What’s going on?”

Laura: It was actually kind of nice, because I’m introverted and shy, and I…

Chloé: No, I meant there was no other men, so you’re not finding anyone. [laughs]

Laura: Ohh. I see. Well, there were other men for sure, but at least in my experience, it was nice that they were getting all the attention, because they really were.

Chloé: So you could do your own thing?

Pam: You could just hang back and chill.

Laura: Yeah. But I had some really great conversations in small groups with women, again, at these conventions. You tend to just gravitate towards likeminded people in general, and then it’s just a place of community and gathering that I’d never experienced before.

Chloé: I mean, two of my now best friends I met at LeakyCon last year, and they’re women, and it was because we were able to connect on such a deep level. And I think the conversations that we can have as women are very different than the conversations that we have with men, and that’s just the reality.

Laura: Well, what about you, Chloé? What does fandom look like for you?

Chloé: Yeah, I mean, I live in fandom at this point, which is so great. It takes up the majority of my time and life, and I’m so, so endlessly grateful that it’s become actually a big part of my job through MuggleCast and Those Forking Fangirls, the other podcast I work for. I’ve made incredible friendships in the Harry Potter community and then beyond in other fandoms. I read fanfics pretty much daily. [laughs] I meet up with my Harry Potter friends on the regular. I’ve made friends through Harry Potter social media, and I also create content for fandom myself, and I don’t know. It makes me so happy, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. And I think that’s why Miriam Margolyes… I don’t know how to say it.

Laura: Margolyes, yeah.

Chloé: Margolyes. I think that’s why her comments hit me so hard, because it is a lot and a huge part of my life, and without it, I would be a much more sad person. So fandom has given me so much, and I will continue to live in that space because it makes me so happy. And it’s okay if you do, too, by the way.

Laura: Yeah, honestly, I just feel sorry for her if that’s her perspective.

Chloé: Yeah, real.

Laura: Being so real, because she didn’t read the books, right? She was just in the movies?

Chloé: No.

Laura: So yeah, she was just in the movies. She’s had exposure to the early movies, so that’s her interpretation of what Harry Potter is. She’s missing out on like, 85% of it, and that’s her loss. So think whatever you want, Miriam. Love you, though.

Meg: She’s a Charles Dickens fangirl, and that’s good for her. We’re Harry Potter fangirls.

Laura: Yeah!

Chloé: Eric and I were texting about that. [laughs] I was like, “Oh, so she has her own thing; she’s just judging ours.”

[Pam laughs]

Laura: Right. Well, her thing is old and it was written by a white man, so there’s probably some commentary we can draw there about the perceived legitimacy or validity of an artwork depending on where it came from and who it came from. But whatever, like what you like. Still adore her, though. I think she’s hilarious.

Chloé: She’s very funny, yeah.

Laura: But on this one, I was just like, “Eh, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” I’m just… [laughs]

Chloé: Yeah, just don’t steal other people’s joy is my big thing. We won’t steal yours and your Dickens love fest. That’s a weird sentence.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Hey, you know what? We get unhinged here on the girls takeover episodes. Pam, I want to hear about your experience with fandom, because I think all of us here, we still spend a lot of time in Harry Potter, so we can chat about that, but I also want to hear about just what does fandom look like for you in general? Because I know Harry Potter is not the one and only thing that we all love.

Pam: Yeah, I mean, it’s funny because I was… we have a listener – I think she listens to MuggleCast too – Morgan Levy, she has a podcast called That Nerd Thing, and her podcast is all about unpacking this question: What does fandom mean to you? How do you keep fandom in your life? And so I was on her show, and I was basically telling her what I’ll tell you guys now, which is that I just feel like I really owe my career in a lot of ways to fandom, because fandom has always allowed me to dive deep into the things that I am passionate about. And then I was able to go to school for journalism, and coming out of that, too, wanting to write about pop culture, so much of my fandoms and the things that I love overlap with the things that I’ve covered in my career and the things that I still get to talk about. So I think that in that way, fandom is a part of my everyday life to different degrees. But for Harry Potter specifically, I definitely have started consuming in the last few years more Harry Potter content online and I think it’s just because we’ve seen a resurgence in creators creating content around Harry Potter. For a while that was really dormant, but you have TikTok with all these Harry Potter creators that are on there doing really creative things. And also, there are people that start rewatching or rereading the books over on YouTube and so it’s really easy to just tap into these new people and experience the joy that you maybe found the first time around reading the books through their eyes, even if they’re reading them as an adult. So yeah, so anytime I’m consuming content, though, I do try and at least like and interact, because spoilers: People will make more of the things that you want when you do that.

Chloé: Yep. Real. [laughs]

Pam: And I will also tie fanfiction into this because I do still dabble in reading fanfiction here and there, and I always make sure to hit that kudos button.

Chloé: Yes.

Pam: If I don’t have time to leave a comment – because you can leave an unregistered comment on Archive of Our Own – at least hit the kudos button. If you want another chapter, you’d better interact, because these people are doing it for free, so that’s the least you can do.

Chloé: Oh, I have to hit the kudos, because I’m like, “It’s not done?” I rarely, rarely pick up a fic that’s not completed, and when I do, I’m always heartbroken that I can’t read more. So I’m hitting that kudos, I’m sending comments…

Pam: Yeah. Even when it’s done, just interact, even if you’re just commenting to be like, “Hey, I like this.” And that goes for TikToks and stuff like that, too. Encourage people to make more of the things that you like, because that is really what keeps fandom alive.

Chloé: What Pam is saying is comment on our stuff.

[Chloé and Pam laugh]

Chloé: And tell us to keep making it.

Pam: Well, we’re going to be here regardless.

Chloé: True, but also…

Pam: Yes, yes.

Laura: Well, and I think to the overall point about women in fandom, again, we’re not speaking in exclusives here, but so many of these creators are women. And when you think about the fact that oftentimes they’re doing this for free, I mean, it’s people who are doing free work because they care about the thing so much. So yeah, I mean, the least any of us can do is be sure to engage with the content that we like and not just take it for granted like it’s always going to be there, right? So I love that. Well, what are some prominent initiatives led by women in the Harry Potter community? Meg, you brought up MuggleNet and how the demographics of its staff have changed quite a bit. It was so crazy to hear you talking about that, because I remember working on MuggleNet back in the day.

Meg: It’s a lot different.

Laura: Yeah, the staff page looked a lot different. [laughs] It’s wild to see how it’s changed and developed over time. I’m curious, what do you chalk that up to?

Meg: I don’t know; I hesitate to say like, “Oh, women are just more passionate. They care more.” It’s difficult. It is something that I wonder about a lot, like, “Why did this change happen? How did this change happen?” Yeah, I really don’t have an answer to that. I’d love to hear what other people think.

Chloé: I think it’s reflective of the fandom itself, if I’m super honest.

Pam: Well, it is now.

Chloé: I’d argue that… it is now, yeah.

Pam: Because I think women have always been the backbone of the Harry Potter fandom.

Chloé: Well, that’s what I’m saying. That’s what I’m saying. I feel like this fandom has always been majority women, and now MuggleNet reflects that, which I think is wonderful. I think that to reflect the fandom is doing something right.

Pam: Yeah, it’s interesting, though, because thinking back to maybe when we first discovered websites like MuggleNet, or even some of these other bigger Harry Potter websites that were around in the early 2000s, so many of them were spearheaded by men, and so if you just existed online… like Laura, I didn’t even realize that the fandom was majority women until I started going to conventions, and then you get to see the actual demographic and you realize that it’s kind of crazy that men are running these… predominantly men are working on these sites or making these podcasts or whatever because…

Chloé: Tale as old as time, though.

Pam: Yeah, because it’s like, “But there’s so many women.” [laughs] “Where are the women?”

Meg: There’s probably something to be said for back in the early 2000s when websites, fan sites were first becoming a thing, STEM was very much encouraged for boys to do.

Pam: Geared towards men, yeah. That’s true.

Chloé: Ohh.

Meg: And so teenage boys were the ones who were learning coding and how to make fan sites more so than the fans who were girls.

Laura: Meg, I actually think that could be a really big part of it, why we saw the shift happen. That’s nuts. Yeah, y’all activated some core memories for me. Yes.

[Pam laughs]

Chloé: Also, just the confidence of men and them always being able to do what they want, and men I think more often got told “Yes” more.

Pam: Yeah. It’s funny because on the flip side, thinking about fanfiction, I feel like the majority of the people that I interact with on the fanfiction side of fandom – and this has been the case since I started reading fanfiction – are women, or identify as women or non-binary, it’s very rarely that I come across something that was written by a dude, which is not to say there are not men that write fanfiction, but it is interesting how there’s always been that dichotomy there.

Chloé: Even reading fanfic, I’d argue… I don’t really know, and I have quite a few men in the Harry Potter fandom that I’m friends with… that sounded weird. “Quite a few men.” [laughs]

Laura: What I loved was the “I have quite a few men.”

[Everyone laughs]

Pam: Laura, how did you not find these men when you were…?

Laura: I know.

Chloé: I did not mean to say that. Oh my God. I meant to say I have a lot of friends who are men in the Harry Potter fandom, and I feel like they don’t read fanfic at all, and I feel like all the women do, so I wonder if there’s… I don’t know why there’s that discrepancy there, but they’re also not reading it.

Pam: Do we all read fanfiction here? The four of us? Yeah, so that tracks.

Chloé: Send us your recs.

[Pam laughs]

Laura: For sure. I will say that I’m definitely more of a dabbler; I don’t think I read as much fanfiction as Chloé does, but every now and then I’ll read something, and I mean, I used to freakin’ moderate fanfiction and I wrote a ton of it.

Chloé: The things you’ve seen, Laura. The things you’ve seen.

Laura: Unsavory things.

[Laura and Pam laugh]

Chloé: I go through phases. I go through fanfic phases where I’m reading so much for a month and then I’m off it and then I go back. Right now I’m focused on ACOTAR, so I’m not reading fanfic, but I’m sure soon I’ll get back in a fanfic kick.

Meg: Well, I mean, I think a lot of the stereotype of fanfiction being read and written by women is because there’s romance there. Fanfiction is really a place where people can engage in romance. But it makes me think of like, in Jane Austen novels she often writes about how 200 years ago, if you read fiction, that was a womanly thing to do, and men didn’t read fiction. Men read nonfiction, serious books. And just think about how that’s changed over the past couple centuries.

Chloé: Can I do a shameless ask of our listeners? If you have Luna x Harry fanfic, or you want to write that, please hit my line.

[Laura laughs]

Chloé: Because there isn’t enough and I’m begging for it. I really just desperately need more Luna/Harry in my life. Yeah, that’s something I’d like, so slide into my DMs if you have recs. [laughs]

Meg: Slide into the DMs with the Larry.

[Pam laughs]

Chloé: For real. They aren’t written about enough, and I think they’re so freaking cute, and you know how I feel about them.

Pam: What’s also funny; you know, guys, Larry is already a ship, right?

Meg: Oh my God, it is! I wasn’t even thinking of the Directioners!

Pam: For One Direction, yeah, so they can’t be Larry. [laughs]

Chloé: Okay, Huna?

Meg: Huna.

[Everyone laughs]

Chloé: Povegood? Lotter?

Laura: There we go.

Chloé: Lotter is maybe the best, but it’s still gross. [laughs]

Pam: We’ll workshop it.

Laura: Yeah, we’ll have to think on that. It’s definitely… honestly, it’s the best ship that never sailed. To this day… I was so convinced. In Order of the Phoenix, I was like, “Yep, end game right here.”

Chloé: So was Daniel Radcliffe and Evanna Lynch. They talk about it in an interview and they’re like, “We thought we were going to get together…”

Pam: Yep, they played it that way.

Chloé: Yeah, which broke my little freakin’ heart, by the way. [laughs]

Meg: My somewhat controversial opinion is that Harry and Luna would be so cute as that early teenage romance…

Chloé: Yeah, totally.

Meg: … but I feel like – feel free to cut this out, Andrew – but I feel like later in life, they just would not be sexually compatible.

[Everyone laughs]

Meg: I feel Luna is either completely asexual, just doing her own thing, or she’s way experimental, and that either way Harry is somewhere just smack in the middle of that and it just wouldn’t work out.

[Pam laughs]

Chloé: Smack in the middle, totally. Meg, I agree with you absolutely.

Meg: That’s my hot take.

Laura: Oh, man. I feel like we can have an entire bonus MuggleCast episode about that, and we probably should. I feel very inspired now. So if y’all ever want to come back for a bonus, let’s do it.

[Everyone laughs]

Chloé: Oh, I’m so down to talk about ships in a bonus; y’all have no idea. That’s so real, Meg, though. You popped off with that one.

Meg: Honestly, it’s what I feel.

Laura: I know. It’s a gift, honestly.

[Chloé and Pam laugh]

Laura: Meg, you just have the best takes and the best one-liners.

Meg: My collection of headcanons.

Chloé: Oh, so did anyone else have a Harry Potter Pinterest board where they saved – or your Tumblr; I did it on Tumblr too – where you saved or reblogged your headcanons?

Laura: Not me.

Chloé: I’m sure you can find mine out there. Reblogged a lot of spicy and weird takes, I’m sure.

[Pam laughs]

Laura: Well, I wanted to be sure before we get into wrapping up this episode to give some love to Fandom Forward and LeakyCon as organizations that are largely female-led that are doing great work in fandom. So Fandom Forward is actually formerly known as the Harry Potter Alliance. It is not exclusively led by women, it also wasn’t founded by women, but many of its leaders at this point are women and non-binary people. It was initially founded to raise awareness about the genocide happening in in Sudan in 2006, but Fandom Forward now focuses on making activism accessible for everyone, and is committed to LGBTQIA equality, gender equity, youth advocacy, racial justice, education and libraries, media reform, and climate change, so they have really extended the reach of the issues that they focus on. And I love that they have a focus on making advocacy accessible and sustainable for people to be part of, so that they can allow their creativity and their participation in fandom to also have a positive impact in some of these other issue areas. Tell us about LeakyCon, Chloé.

Chloé: Oh, well, I mean, Melissa Anelli obviously started LeakyCon and we know her, but it’s run by a woman and has a majority woman team. And you’re also going to see Meg and I there, so yeah, shout-out LeakyCon. [laughs]

Meg: Looking forward to it. I’ve never been to Portland before.

Chloé: I know. We’re going to be roomies. We’re going to have a sleepover. It’s going to be so much fun.

Meg: It’s going to be great.

Laura: I’m anticipating a lot of really fun TikToks and fun pics for the socials.

Chloé: Whatever Meg is willing to do, I will do it.

[Everyone laughs]

Meg: I’m happy to do it.

Chloé: The content will be good. Absolutely.

Laura: You’re such a good sport, Meg, because I am the bane of Chloé’s existence because…

[Laura and Meg laugh]

Chloé: No, you’re not. No, you’re not. I love you to death.

Laura: The feeling is mutual, for sure. But I’m very much the roomie who would be like, “No, we are not recording a TikTok. I am not doing roomie photos.” [laughs]

Chloé: And then I would be like, “Okay, I’m doing it alone then.”

Laura: Yep.

[Pam laughs]

Chloé: You and Andrew, man. You’re like, “No pictures, please. No paparazzi. Thank you so much, no can do.” Micah and Eric are such good sports about it.

Laura: Yeah, they are.

Chloé: And I really, really, really appreciate it. Especially Eric; he’s like, “Oh, yeah, you want a picture? Absolutely.” I love it, so it’s always fun.

Meg: Last weekend they filmed a little a little LeakyCon teaser. I held the camera. I helped.

Chloé: I know, I love it. Oh, I bet the camera work is impeccable, Meg. I’ll pay very close attention to that. [laughs]

Meg: It’s great. There was one moment where I was not paying attention and I fell off the curb, so it shakes a bit, but other than that, it’s real good.

Chloé: No, that’s good, though. That’s character. That’s character. I was glad they were together, and the second I saw them together, I hit them with a “Send pics.”

Laura: Well, to bring us home on the second installment of Girls Takeover MuggleCast, I wanted to chat briefly about where the Harry Potter fandom has been successful in amplifying the voices of women and other underrepresented groups, and maybe where we think there’s still some work to be done.

Pam: Well, I know you guys aren’t going to toot your own horn here on MuggleCast, so I’ll do it for you.

Chloé: Yes, toot-toot.

Pam: I think that you guys have done a really good job of bringing on women guests, in the last few years specifically.

Laura: Aw, thank you.

Pam: I know that Andrew and I have talked about that privately, because I’ve also said that I think it’s really good that you guys do that. And he’s also mentioned to me privately that if there is an open spot, you guys try to add more female voices then, because everybody is well aware that there are a lot of female voices that are amplified in the fandom, so I think that’s really great. And I also think it’s really great that you guys have been having more BIPOC guests on. That’s always going to be my soapbox, because minorities or BIPOC people are just not really represented in this series, but I feel like those fans have such interesting and unique takes, and a lot of times, whether it’s because of the algorithm or other powers that be, I feel like those voices often don’t get amplified as much as some other voices do in fandom, so yeah, I love hearing from BIPOC fans always, and their perspectives are just so valuable.

Chloé: I’ll extend that a bit further – and I don’t mean to make you blush or anything – but I think, Laura, you’ve been that for a lot of women. You have been that representation in the Harry Potter space and the person that they can look up to and really see themselves in, and you are always so welcoming and kind to guests, and you really make them feel like a part of it, and I think that episodes where guests are on when you’re on as well, I can always tell a big difference because you make people feel just so comfortable. And I think that with a fandom that is majority women and has been, really, since the beginning, you have been a huge part of making people feel comfortable. I also think beyond women, the Harry Potter fandom and fandom space in general has been much more accepting and inclusive to the LGBTQIA+ community before it was mainstream.

Laura: 100%.

Chloé: And I’m now thinking of the fandom offshoots, like the Marauders and House of Black and all these offshoots of Harry Potter that are based in queer and LGBTQIA+ representation. I’m really proud to be a part of this fandom, despite the author and despite a difficult maybe history, because I think that it is so inclusive and so welcoming, and you feel that at in-person events. You feel that listening to MuggleCast. You feel that on Harry Potter TikTok. You feel the heart and soul that this fandom has, and it is a beautiful thing to be a part of and I’m just so grateful for it because it has brought me so much joy since I was little, and I don’t think I would be the person I am today without the Harry Potter fandom and the women who are a part of it, and all of you.

Meg: Yeah, I mean, I got to thinking; I was talking about MuggleNet in 2005, and I was a teenage girl who loved Harry Potter, my friends were teenage girls who loved Harry Potter, and I’d go on MuggleNet and listen to MuggleCast, and it was primarily these boys, but then Laura was there and I was like, “Oh, I see myself there.”

Laura: Y’all are going to make me cry. [laughs]

Chloé: You deserve to hear it, though. So many people feel it too.

Pam: And everyone listening knows, too, that it’s because of you that there is a female voice on the panel. I know you’ve told the story many times that you said, “Why don’t you guys have a girl on?” So I mean, if you’d never done that…

Chloé: Crazy that none of them thought of it before, though.

Meg: [imitating Emma Watson] Boys.

[Laura laughs]

Chloé: Yeah, there was just a lot of boys.

Laura: I loved the Hermione moment there, Meg. “Boys.”

[Pam laughs]

Laura: I mean, in their defense, they were only a few episodes in.

Chloé: Yeah, it’s true.

Laura: They were still getting their footing, and I think they would have gotten there, but I was definitely the abrasive one in the staff forums being like…

Pam: You were like, “Let’s make sure this happens in season one.”

[Everyone laughs]

Chloé: I don’t know how abrasive it is to be like, “Hey, maybe get a woman on? I don’t know. Crazy.”

[Laura laughs]

Chloé: Cuckoo bananas idea, but…

Pam: No, but props to them because they could have just been like, “You’re psycho, no.”

Chloé: That’s true.

Pam: So the environment was already welcoming to begin with, to your point.

Laura: Yeah, 100%. They always were. I’m curious, though: What are some areas where y’all think the fandom might still have some work to do?

Pam: I still just think amplifying – I hate to say this again because I feel like I sound like a broken record…

Chloé: No, I agree with you. I was going to say it if you didn’t say it.

Pam: I really just think that we really need to make space for more black creators, more Latino/Latinx creators, more Asian creators, anybody that fits in that BIPOC category. I think that those are the voices that we hardly hear from, and it sucks that a lot of times the algorithm does not favor creators that look like that. And I just love seeing more people pop up on my feed, but I know that it happens because every time I see a creator of color talking about Harry Potter, I’m automatically hitting the like, leaving a comment, so that I see more of that.

Chloé: I feel like the biggest Harry Potter creators right now are BIPOC people, and it makes me really happy. I’m thinking of the people that come up on my For You page all the time, and they are part of minority groups, and I think that is freaking awesome and I think it does show how far we’ve come. Obviously, we have so much more work to do. And you’re right, this fandom was started by white men, in my opinion. Just the big fan sites and the people that we were amplifying in the beginning, and I mean, I think that is true of anything, if I’m honest. So we have a lot of work to do in terms of making sure that women are seen and BIPOC creators are seen and different perspectives are seen too. I feel like it’s really important to also have diversity of thought when it comes to this fandom, and not be in a constant echo chamber.

Laura: Yeah. And that’s true for everything, right? I think people existing in their own personal echo chambers is just a really big problem in general right now, and I think it’s something that as a fandom, we can definitely work to avoid by continuing to be more inclusive and more welcoming, so I totally agree.

Chloé: Also, just different views about Harry Potter. Genuinely, I think that’s important too.

Meg: Yeah, different perspectives! Perspectives that represent the world, because Harry Potter, the fans are from all different backgrounds, races, genders.

Chloé: I was thinking about that because I’m listening to the Harry Potter books in French right now, and just listening to the exact same story in a different language, I get a completely different feeling. And I wonder, Pam, if you felt this with Spanish books. It’s like reading them, you get almost a different layer, and I’m sure that’s true living in different countries reading it. I’m sure it’s a very different experience for my friend Sukanya, who is from London, reading the Harry Potter books; she probably gets a lot more of the nuances that we don’t and understands the schooling system and all this stuff, just like I’m sure it’s different for someone who is in Italy or wherever else.

Pam: Yeah, for me, part of the fun in having read part of the series in Spanish – not all of it because I read a lot slower in Spanish than I do in English – is just seeing how certain words get translated. I think that… like for the title Deathly Hallows, it literally translates to “Relics of Death,” and having that… I don’t know if you guys remember – I’m sure you guys remember – all the theorizing that was happening with what “Deathly Hallows” meant.

Chloé: It was a huge hint.

Pam: It was like, “What the heck does that mean?” And it’s like, but in Spanish, it makes a lot more sense. A relic of death, you can work toward some kind of conclusion. “Deathly Hallows” is almost shrouded in mystery.

Chloé: No, that’s real.

Pam: Yeah, so I think that that is really fun. But also to that point, just seeing the… again, going back to the content that’s being created on spaces like TikTok and the way that that has really added a new layer to exposing you to fans from maybe different parts of the world that you wouldn’t have interacted with or seen had you not been on a platform like that, it’s so much fun for me to see content being made for Harry Potter in Spanish because the jokes are different too. And I’m sure you’ve seen that, too, with French creators, for example.

Chloé: One thing that really cracks me up when I’m listening is wand is “baguette” in French.

Pam: Yes! I read the first book in French.

Chloé: Yeah, there’s a lot of really funny things with French that just crack me up as someone who also speaks English, because Dumbledore is like, “‘Arry, ton baguette!” and he’s like, it’s a very serious moment.

[Everyone laughs]

Pam: I’m just imagining it being an 11 inch baguette; that is the funniest visual. [laughs]

Chloé: No, so funny. And some of the teachers’ names are so crazy. Snape’s name is “Rogue,” which is so…

[Everyone laughs]

Chloé: You really feel it, you know? “Rogue.” Even saying it, you’re like, “Eugh.”

Pam: [laughs] That’s so funny.

Meg: I mean, when I think of Harry Potter in French, I think of Voldemort’s name being Tom Elvis.

Chloé: [in a French accent] Voldemort. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that is pretty funny.

Pam: Oh, that’s right.

Laura: [gasps] I forgot about that.

Meg: The things they had to do to make it make sense in different languages.

Chloé: Yeah, they had to make it make sense.

Laura: So the anagram would work. Oh, that’s so funny.

Pam: That’s so funny, yeah.

Laura: I think that had to be a thing in the Spanish edition, too, right? I’m trying to remember…

Pam: Yeah, I’m trying to think…

Chloé: I’m sure for most languages they had to change it.

Pam: Let’s Google it.

Meg: There’s probably compilations online that you could find.

Chloé: Oh, and Hufflepuff, you guys? Poufsouffle.

[Laura laughs]

Pam: Oh, apparently it’s El Señor Oscuro.

Chloé: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Laura: Wait, his acronyms spells El Señor Oscuro? Is that what you’re saying, Pam?

Pam: No, that’s what someone said.

Laura: Okay.

Pam: Just right away, El Señor Oscuro. His Muggle name in French is Tom Elvis Jedusor. That’s the one… yeah.

[Chloé laughs]

Pam: In Spanish it’s Tom Sorvolo Ryddle, but Ryddle is spelled with a y.

[Everyone laughs]

Pam: That’s very 2024 of them. It’s like a baby, they spelled Ryddle with a y.

Chloé: Oh, true.

[Everyone laughs]

Pam: Oh, man. That’s so great.

Chloé: He had Millennial parents in the Spanish book.

Laura: That’s so fun.

Pam: Oh, wow. This is a fun little rabbit hole. [laughs]

Laura: It really is. I will go down any rabbit hole any day, any time with y’all. This has been amazing…

Chloé: So fun.

Laura: … and I really feel like we could go on and on and on, but I think Andrew will murder me if this audio file gets to two hours…

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: … so we’re going to go ahead and wrap this discussion up, but there will be a Girls Takeover part three. Next time, we will actually be doing a Chapter by Chapter episode…

Chloé: Amazing.

Laura: … so keep an eye out for that. We’ll definitely blitz the socials when it’s coming along, and we’ll probably give you some reminders ahead of time, too, because we would love to have you joining us for the livestream and in our Discord. But next week, Chapter by Chapter will continue with our analysis of Goblet of Fire Chapter 20, “The First Task.”


Quizzitch


Laura: And now we’re going to be getting into this week’s Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Laura: So last week’s question: What is the first bit of Professor Moody’s advice to Harry about the first task? Last week’s answer: “Play to your strengths.”

Chloé: Profound.

Laura: Correct answers were submitted by All Snapes and Sizes; BuffDaddy; Elizabeth K.; Green River Kelpie; Hagrid and Sirius are in a hardcore biker gang and are best bros duuuuuudes…

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: … HiToMyRavenclawHusband – oh, is that for Micah?

Meg and Pam: Ooh.

Chloé: Heyy.

[Pam laughs]

Laura: … Justice for dragons, they are unfairly maligned and misunderstood; Katie from Hufflepuff; Let me tell you the Pottercularly perfect Harry Potter pun…

Chloé: Yo, that’s hard to say. [laughs]

Laura: That is really difficult. Lloyd the Kiwi; Mad-Eye Fakey’s last bit of sanity; Must Be a Weasley 92; Professor Stumbledore; Proud Ravenclaw; Rita Skeeter’s Probation Officer…

[Everyone laughs]

Chloé: Isn’t that basically Hermione?

Pam: Yeah, I was going to say, isn’t that Hermione?

Laura: And last but not least, Ron can Weasley his way out of anything.

Chloé: Love that.

Laura: Eric makes this look so much easier when he does it every week.

Meg: The way he rattles them off; it’s like “Bam, bam, bam.”

[Pam laughs]

Laura: Because I’m like, stumbling.

Chloé: Does he practice?

Meg: I think every week is practice.

Laura: Okay.

Chloé: True, true.

Laura: I was going to say, we have the inside scoop with Meg here, so it’s like, does he run through them?

Pam: Right, tell us the truth.

Chloé: Tell us all his secrets.

[Laura laughs]

Meg: I think it’s just a talent.

Chloé: I guess when he’s picking them out.

Laura: All right. Well, next week’s question: What color are the Hungarian Horntail’s eyes? Submit your answer to us at MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or click on “Quizzitch” on the MuggleCast website from the main nav bar.

Chloé: Visit our Etsy store where you can buy many cool MuggleCast items like the Cozy Comfy Combo Pack, the beanies and socks which are so comfy, and you can see Andrew and I posing in them on our socials and a bunch of our listeners, and that pack is at one reduced price. There’s also signed album art and wooden cars and T-shirts, so make sure to go to MuggleMillennial.etsy.com, and there’s also info on our socials.

Meg: And you can visit MuggleCast.com for transcripts – courtesy of me – our full episode archive, our favorite episodes, and to contact us. And if you’re enjoying MuggleCast and you think that other Muggles would, too, please tell a friend about the show. And we would also very much appreciate it if you left us a review in your favorite podcast app.

Pam: This podcast is brought to you by Muggles like you; we don’t have any fancy corporate or network funding. We are proudly an independent podcast, so here’s how you can help us out: If you’re an Apple Podcasts user, you can subscribe to MuggleCast Gold, which gets you ad-free early access to MuggleCast plus two bonus MuggleCast installments every month.

Chloé: There’s also Patreon.com/MuggleCast; you’ll get all the benefits of MuggleCast Gold plus livestreams like right now, planning docs, the chance to co-host the show one day, a new physical gift every year, and a video message from one of the four regular MuggleCast hosts.

Laura: And Chloé, you want to take us home with the social plugs? You gotta.

Chloé: Yeah, I mean, just go follow us.

[Laura laughs]

Chloé: Go follow us, y’all, please. Every single time I come on here and if you’re not following us already, you’re missing out on a bunch of fun extra content from all the hosts, a sneak peek on our episodes, and just a lot of goofball fun Harry Potter stuff. So come hang out with us on Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and TikTok and Threads.

Laura: And just as a reminder – I know we shared this last time – but where can everyone find all three of y’all if they want to follow you on the socials? Let’s do some plugs.

Meg: I am on Instagram at @Megguss, and my art website is Meg-Scott-Art.com. I do art about nature and mental health and the human body and you can check out my stuff there.

Chloé: It’s all so gorgeous. I’ll plug for you.

Meg: Thank you, Chloé.

[Chloé laughs]

Pam: I am at @PamelaGocobachi almost everywhere except for on TikTok, where I am at @_PamelaG because I tried to make it easier for myself. And you can also listen to me every week on Millennial Podcast with Laura and Andrew. 18 plus only, please, because we swear over there and it’s a lot less PG.

[Chloé and Pam laugh]

Chloé: We’re naughty at Millennial.

Pam: Yeah, it’s a lot less PG, a lot more unhinged than MuggleCast is allowed to get, but come hang out with us over there if you’re interested in hearing more from me, and obviously more from Laura and Andrew.

Chloé: You can follow me at @ChloéLaverson on TikTok and Instagram. Also, if you want to hear my voice more, you can check out Those Forking Fangirls. I’m a guest host often; we just published an episode today about Avatar: The Last Airbender, which was so much fun. But yeah, I create fandom content. And then, like I said, follow @MuggleCast. Follow @Millennial. Come hang out with us.

Laura: It’s always a party over here…

Chloé: It’s a party. [laughs]

Laura: … at the Hypable family of podcasts.

Chloé: Yes!

Laura: That’s not actually what we’re called.

Pam: No.

[Chloé and Meg laugh]

Laura: I’m just being obnoxious. Y’all, this has been so much fun. Thank you so much for everyone who tuned in live with us tonight. Thank you so much for everyone who’s listened through to this second installment of Girls Takeover MuggleCast.

Chloé: Woo!

Laura: We will see you in the next installment, where we will be doing a Chapter by Chapter, and we’ll see you back with the regular panel for next week’s episode. I’m Laura.

Chloé: I’m Chloé.

Meg: I’m Meg.

Pam: And I’m Pam.

Laura: Bye.

Transcript #650

 

MuggleCast 650 Transcript

 

Transcript for MuggleCast Episode #650, How The Royal Family Influenced Rita Skeeter, and more MuggleMail


Show Intro


[Show music plays]

Andrew Sims: Welcome to MuggleCast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I’m Andrew.

Eric Scull: I’m Eric.

Micah Tannenbaum: And I’m Micah.

Andrew: This week we bust open the Muggle Mailbag and listen to your voicemails on all things Goblet of Fire. It’s been a while since we’ve opened up the mailbag, and it was getting quite full. We were looking like Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, am I right? [laughs]

Micah: Oh, you’re right. Laura couldn’t handle it; she said, “No mail. The bag is too big. I can’t handle it.”

Andrew: No, Laura decided to follow the advice of Miriam Margolyes and no longer be a Harry Potter fan, so she’s not here this week.

Eric: Ohh!

Micah: [laughs] Oh, is that what it is?

Andrew: That’s what it is, yeah.

Eric: That was the final straw. It convinced Laura. She was like, “Yeah, she’s right.”

Andrew: She was like, “Yeah, she’s got a point.” No, Laura was planning on being here, and at the last minute she had something come up and she couldn’t make it, unfortunately. She’s okay, but it was something she couldn’t get out of, so unfortunately, she’s not here. However, some good news is that a new all girls MuggleCast is taping next week, so there will be a guyless episode in the weeks ahead, so stay tuned for that. [laughs]

Micah: So what you’re really saying is we strategically planned it so it was just the three of us this week, so that the girls could have it next week?

Andrew: No, no, I’m not saying that.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Laura was planning on being on until 30 minutes ago. [laughs]

Micah: No, I know, I know. Yes. You’re supposed to go along with it, Andrew. You’re supposed to go along with it.

Andrew: Yeah, well… 650 episodes, though; it’s another milestone for us this week. That’s exciting.

Eric: Oh, wow. At this point, they’re ticking by… every couple of weeks, it’s a new 50 episodes, it seems like. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, it’s flying by. I can’t wait for Episode 700 now, in another year or so.

Eric: Well, 700 is going to be very special.

Micah: We’ll get David Heyman back. He’s not doing anything.

Eric: Yeah! We’ll see if he’s any better at Dueling Club. Wait, he already actually won. We’ll see if you’ve improved at Dueling Club, Micah.

Micah: I mean, we could literally say to him, “David, it’s been 500 episodes since you’ve been on.”

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: Which is wild.

Andrew: Episode 700 in our 20th year; that’s pretty nice timing.

Micah: Yeah, that is pretty magical.

Eric: It is wild to think that we’ve been doing this show for 19 years. 19 entire years. I know that’s a big thing; we’ll be making a thing of it throughout the year, since it’s the distance between the epilogue and Harry’s seventh year at Hogwarts, but that said…

Micah: Well, to your point, though, Andrew, I don’t know if there’s… there may be somebody out there who doesn’t like the fact that we’re still podcasting after all these years, [laughs] and she’s part of the Harry Potter cast.

Andrew: Oh, Miriam Margolyes! Oh, we should get a Cameo from her and see what she does.

Eric: Let’s not and say that we did.

Andrew: No?

Eric: Let’s get another one from Dan Fogler.

Micah: He was great.

Andrew: Okay, so let’s get to the story. This made a lot of headlines, and some people I think were feeling a little hurt over the last week. Miriam Margolyes, who plays Professor Sprout in the Harry Potter movies, she said in an interview that Harry Potter fans who are adults now need to grow up.

[Audio clip plays]

Harry Potter… I worry about Harry Potter fans, because they should be over that by now. I mean, it was 25 years ago, and it’s for children. I think it’s for children, but they get stuck in it. And I do Cameos and people say, ‘Oh, we’re having a Harry Potter-themed wedding,’ and I think, ‘Gosh, what’s their first night of fun going to be?'”

[Andrew laughs]

[Audio clip continues]

“I can’t even think about it, no. Harry Potter is wonderful; I’m very grateful to it. It’s over.”

[Everyone laughs]

Micah: This woman is very hard to get mad at, first. Can I start by saying that?

Andrew: She’s a delight.

Micah: She is. She’s very entertaining across the board. Anything you watch her in, she is highly entertaining, and I wonder if that’s what this is.

Andrew: I saw another interview after this one and she kind of doubled down; she did emphasize that this is her opinion. Look, it’s a fact of our Harry Potter lives that a lot of people see Harry Potter as for children. Most of these people have not read the books, maybe a lot of them have not seen the movies, but some people just perceive Harry Potter as being for kids. It’s unfortunate, because we all know – everybody listening knows – it’s not just for kids. It’s an incredible story. What I really take issue with is, does she realize that adults also watch Disney movies? Watch Bluey, which is a children’s television show that adults love? There are lots of things “made for kids” that adults love too.

Eric: I think, too, that her perspective… we have to understand for her, it’s okay if it was just a job or it was just 25 years ago. She did say in that short clip that she’s grateful to Harry Potter; it obviously was the first time I’d seen her in anything, brought her to my attention. She’s given it its due as far as what it did for her career, but she was already in her 60s when Chamber of Secrets came out. And so to an adult, to a middle-aged to senior adult who had the Harry Potter phenomenon through that lens, I can understand them thinking it should be over by now, because they don’t necessarily understand it the same way that we do. And I was texting Micah earlier in the week, but Miriam Margolyes actually did a one-woman show based on the works of Charles Dickens called “Dickens Women”; she started that in 1989, and it reprised in 2007/2008. And so it’s okay if Charles Dickens is her author, if she thinks that his books are going to live forever, etc., etc., but it’s also okay if we don’t think that that’s it for us and if we take these books instead.

Micah: Yeah, I watched a show she was in called Impossibly Australian, and she does all these little trips, and she’s literally driving an RV, which that in and of itself is worth the watch, I think.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Yeah, where can I see this? I’m going to pay for the subscription right now.

Micah: I think I watched it on Netflix. I don’t know if it’s still on there. You could probably look it up; see what streaming service it’s on. And you interviewed her, didn’t you, Eric, for MuggleNet?

Eric: It was actually for “Dickens Women,” yeah, when it came to Chicago. I met her, and she’s very much… so the full clip that’s on YouTube is a four-minute segment that includes this clip. She talks about how she has been viewed as kind of this provocateur or sassy lady; she’s kind of just being herself. But a lot of people didn’t know that about her until she started doing interviews with people like Graham Norton, who are going to get the funny bits out of you and stuff, so you don’t… now, on Cameo, I think what really made headlines recently is that guy who paid her to roast him, the Harry Potter fan who paid various actors…

Micah: Which she’s very good at, by the way.

Eric: Well, yeah, and she’s incredible at it, so I think that’s what this is. I think a lot of it is jest. It’s okay to say, “I worry about Harry Potter fans.” Like, I worry about global warming; it’s just one of those things.

[Micah laughs]

Eric: What are we going to do about global warming?

Micah: And somebody brought this up – and I apologize if it was one of you or it was somebody who’s a member of our Slug Club – but they said, “Clearly she’s still good to do Cameos. For as much as she thinks that it’s over, she’s still making money off of these fans.”

Andrew: The Harry Potter fans, yeah. We’re getting some good comments in our Discord: LC said, “Why put an expiration date on something you love?” Lydia57 said, “HBO Max isn’t spending $250 million for a show for kids.” And Liza said, “She doesn’t realize that many of us are over here needing to do inner child work because all the adults in her generation failed us.” [laughs]

Micah: Wow.

Eric: That is the biggest clapback of all time. This is the next Miriam Margolyes here who said that.

Micah: And somebody also brought up the fact that she has never read the books. Isn’t that true?

Andrew: I think so.

Eric: As far as we know, yeah.

Micah: I think that’s a huge point to bring up here, because if we’re just talking about the movies, yeah, I can understand where she’s coming from. But so many people grew up reading Harry Potter that it has become such a foundational piece of their childhood, so the fact that she is calling that out here… in terms of how I react to it, honestly, it doesn’t really bother me. I don’t know; maybe it’s because of who she is and the fact that I’ve seen her in other things, and I’ve seen her talk in public. This statement from her just doesn’t rattle me the same way it seems to have rattled other people.

Andrew: It bothers me because it reinforces other people’s views that adults our age should grow out of Harry Potter. That’s the only reason it really bugs me.

Eric: Or Disney, or Star Wars, or…

Andrew: Yeah, anything. I mean, look, listeners, enjoy what you want. We all need an escape. We all need things to help us clear our heads. And to paraphrase one of our friends from Fantasy Fangirls, she said on Millennial a couple of weeks ago, “We always have to use our brains for hard things. How about being able to use our brains for just fun things?” And that’s what Harry Potter and fantasy novels allow us to do, so let us enjoy it.

Micah: Look, as somebody who is immersed in sports, you could easily make the same argument, right? You play sports as a kid growing up; you play soccer, you play basketball, you play baseball, you play football… it’s like, “Well, why don’t you grow out of that? Why are you watching that when you’re in your 20s, in your 30s? It’s a bunch of nonsense.”

Eric: Do you have an answer to that? Because I actually want to know.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: Watching sports is fun…

Micah: It is.

Andrew: … but when I watch the NFL games on Sundays, I see people dressed up in Vikings gear or full-body makeup…

Eric: That’s their cosplay.

Andrew: That’s their cosplay! They’re so into it. They think they’re hypermasculine, but they’re not any different than somebody wearing a cloak to a Harry Potter conference. It’s the same thing.

Eric: I just think it is crucial – and this has been a fun discussion – but it is crucial that we do not take ourselves too seriously as adults in anything.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Yes.

Eric: I can listen to this clip; I can have a laugh. It’s a little bit important that we look at ourselves and go, “Haha.” It has been a while we’ve been doing this show, for 19/20 years. Did I ever think we’d grow out of it? So we’re kids at heart.

Andrew: Yeah. Well, again, we here at MuggleCast support your love for Harry Potter, and that’s one reason the show has been a success. For a lot of people, we feel like their Harry Potter friends, and we’re happy to be there for you. Well, Micah, you’re planning a new bonus MuggleCast for patrons and Apple Podcasts subscribers this week, right?

Micah: Yeah, so we’re going to be talking about the three individuals who are on the shortlist to produce the new Harry Potter TV series, and our thoughts on the release date for this new Harry Potter TV show. It was announced – was it maybe two weeks ago? – that the new show will be out in 2026. Andrew and I did a quick Instagram Live to talk about it, but definitely want to get Eric’s thoughts on this as well, and then talk about the three people who are on this shortlist. Do we know anything about them? How do we feel? So we’re going to be doing that in bonus MuggleCast, and I think we can expect probably a lot of our bonus MuggleCast segments as we get closer and closer to the release date of the TV show to be focused on that.

Andrew: Yeah, agreed. And the three names you mentioned are three people who are in the running to write the Harry Potter television series, so this is a really big deal. And listeners, what else have you missed in bonus MuggleCast? Well, our analysis of an incredible inside look at the relationship between J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros., in which we learned bombshells like other Harry Potter spinoffs that have been in the works. We also had a discussion about a Harry Potter fanfiction that is getting turned into a new book. And we have two bonus MuggleCast installments every month; we’re doing a lot of fun stuff over there, so definitely check out Patreon.com/MuggleCast. Or again, through the paid Apple Podcasts subscription you can now get bonus MuggleCast installments.

Micah: I will say that the one bonus MuggleCast that we did on the relationship between J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. is almost like another episode with how long…

Andrew: It was like, 45 minutes. [laughs]

Micah: It was very long, but I think a lot of really great conversation. And I know I always say this, but as it relates to Apple Podcasts, I do feel like it is a really good deal. As somebody who listens to a lot of other podcasts, paying… $4.99 a month?

Andrew: That’s right.

Micah: … for all of our episodes, bonus MuggleCast, ad-free, early access… I look at it as you go to your local coffee shop, you pay for a coffee. You go out to a bar, get a drink with friends. Both of those things likely are going to cost you more than $4.99. Put one of those aside for the entire month and you get really great content as a result of it.

Andrew: A cameo from Miriam Margolyes is $170. That’s 34 months of bonus MuggleCast on Patreon.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: How much for Dan Fogler?

Andrew: [laughs] I think he’s cheaper.

Micah: I don’t want to know what you paid for my birthday gift.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Oh, no, no, it has nothing to do with that.

Micah: He did it for free, right?

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: He did that one for free. We actually asked for a refund; he was obviously high when he did yours, so we got a refund on that, actually.

Micah: [laughs] He was super high.

Andrew: [laughs] But no, you bring up a good point, Micah, and listeners are supporting an independent podcast.

Micah: Well, I say that because I want listeners to feel like we’re offering them quality, right? For what they’re paying for.


Muggle Mail: Voicemails


Andrew: Okay, well, it’s time for Muggle Mail now, and we’re going to start with voicemails. We love, love, love when listeners send in feedback. So let’s start with this voicemail from Bekah, and she discusses Gringotts being a security nightmare?

[Voicemail plays]

“Hey, MuggleCast, I have a funny thing I always think about in Goblet of Fire about Molly purchasing Harry’s dress robes. I work at a bank. When someone comes to withdraw funds from their account, we need to see their driver’s license, so I always wonder how the hell Molly Weasley was able to get gold from Harry Potter’s vault? She’s not a legal guardian. She doesn’t have any power of attorney paperwork. She’s just this friend’s mom, coming and getting gold from his vault. Makes no sense. But I guess maybe Gringotts is different? I don’t know. They seem pretty strict, but I guess they’re not because Molly can just get Harry’s gold. Thoughts? Because I don’t get it. Thanks, MuggleCast. Bye.”

[Voicemail ends]

Andrew: [laughs] Could Molly be an authorized user? Like how you can add somebody to a credit card or bank account?

Eric: If she was, Harry would be like, “Please take it all.” [laughs] It is wonky with Gringotts, to agree with Bekah here. And in fact, Sirius Black, a convicted felon, is able to mail-order request his money be removed from his vault somehow without tipping anybody off that Sirius Black is removing money from his vault in order to buy Harry the Firebolt. The whole system of money withdrawals from somebody else, from convicted felon… all of that is just very wonky in the Harry Potter books.

Micah: Yeah, there’s a really great comment in the Discord from Paxton Jamison, who says, “The goblins were scared of receiving one of her Howlers, so that must have kept them in check.”

Andrew: That’ll do it.

Micah: I do like the analysis. I think it’s one of those things you don’t necessarily pay any attention to while you’re reading the series; you just assume, “Okay, Harry is staying with the Weasleys; Molly is going to go take care of everything.” But to your point, Eric, if she can take out for Harry’s robes, I mean, she could take out whatever she wants. [laughs]

Eric: The thing is, it is funny because Bekah says she works at a bank. You do need a driver’s license, or you should have one to withdraw someone’s money, but you know what? Did you know you don’t need any identification to deposit money into somebody’s account? If you have the account number, you can just give them the money and say, “Here,” and they’ll take it.

Andrew: Oh, so I should share my account number on the podcast right now and see if anybody…

[Micah laughs]

Eric: And people will just… you’ll probably get hacked, actually.

Andrew: Maybe I should just share my Venmo; that’ll probably be safer. All right, this next voicemail comes from Brenna, and she has a pretty significant theory about portraits and Horcruxes.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hey, MuggleCast, my name is Brenna. I’m a proud Hufflepuff from Ohio, my Patronus is a weasel, and my favorite book of this series is Goblet of Fire. So I have a theory I’d like to put out to y’all, and I don’t know if it’s one that’s ever been discussed on the podcast before, so let me know what you think and if you feel that my theory is worthy of being declared canon. So my theory surrounds portraits, Horcruxes, and why Dumbledore was able to recognize Riddle’s diary as a Horcrux when others were unable to do so. So my theory is that portraits are not that dissimilar from Horcruxes, the key difference being that Horcruxes are created to contain a living piece of the soul and therefore require use of Dark magic because you have to kill a person to rip apart your own soul, whereas a portrait, it uses magic to create a tether to the portrait, creates a resting place for the soul to remain after a person passes so that person can still continue to contribute to the wizarding world, which… [baby noises in background] sorry, that’s my son, Isaac, my future little Hufflepuff. So my theory is that the portraits, being similar to Horcruxes in that they are a resting place for the soul after a person passes away, this is a way for important wizards and witches in the wizarding world to still contribute to everyday life even after their death, because if you note, the portraits in Dumbledore’s office are of significant people; they’re of past headmasters, headmistresses, and past leaders, significant people in history whom you would want to speak to and problem-solve. If you had something going on in your role as headmaster that you would want assistance with, who better to speak to and get opinions from than past headmasters and headmistresses? So my theory is that the portraits are regulated and monitored by the Ministry, and only certain people who are deemed either significant enough to the wizarding world, or those who are only rich enough – like the Malfoys, the Blacks, the Lestranges – to grease the palms of the Ministry get to have a portrait commissioned of them. So being Dumbledore, and all that he has done for the wizarding world, he’s already had his portrait commissioned. And since he’s already experienced that kind of magic of having his own soul tethered to his portrait, he was able to recognize the diary for what it was: the remnants of a vessel that once held a soul. But he knew that it was different, because obviously, it used Dark magic, and he could feel the difference between the magic used to create the vessel of resting place for his soul in his own portrait, versus the vessel that was created of the diary to store a living piece of the soul. So that’s my theory: portraits and Horcruxes, really not that dissimilar, and that’s why Dumbledore was able to recognize it for what it was. So let me know what you think. I really appreciate you guys and all that you do with the podcast; it has been a tremendous help for me and going through my postpartum, so I appreciate all that you guys do. I listen to you daily. Thanks, MuggleCast.”

[Voicemail ends]

Andrew: Daily!

Eric: Wow.

Andrew: Thank you, Brenna, that was really sweet. We don’t really get much of an explanation about the diary other than that he heard… he didn’t know about the diary prior to the events of Chamber of Secrets, the book, so he starts hearing about it through Harry and Ginny and I think he assumes it aligns with Tom Riddle, so he puts the pieces together that way. But no, I think this is a cool theory and a good alternative. It’s almost like you have two life paths you can choose from: I can aspire to split up my soul into multiple Horcruxes, or I can aspire to be portrait-worthy because I’m so good.

Eric: Yeah, I mean, other people that interacted with Tom Riddle’s diary when it had the part of his soul in it, though, like Lucius Malfoy, also would have interacted with portraits, surely, quite a bit. And Lucius didn’t seem to, that we know of, make any connection as to what the diary really was. And it’s interesting because I would actually argue that probably portraits don’t have anything to do with someone’s soul? It is interesting, though, that Hogwarts headmasters, for instance, they have to die before their painting is created. That does make it seem like the soul is transferring from their body to the portrait, but even photographs in the Daily Prophet of Harry, for instance, have his personality. They have some remnants and similarities to his personality; they move, but he hasn’t necessarily lost his soul at all during that process.

Micah: I think the one point that she was trying to make, though, is that the difference being… if you were to look at a Dumbledore versus a Lucius in their handling of the diary, that Dumbledore had already commissioned for his portrait to be created, so he was already in a way aware of that type of magic that exists. And in this case, with a portrait, it’s more of a positive attachment, whereas in the case of a Horcrux, it’s obviously a negative attachment. I think it’s a interesting way to look at these two things. But the one thing I will say, though, is I don’t know that with a portrait that a portion of the soul necessarily is in that portrait. In the Horcrux, a portion of the soul lives within the Horcrux and can bring you back to life, right? So I don’t know; it’s very…

Andrew: But then what is in the portrait? I mean, it does capture your essence…

Micah: It does. That’s fair.

Andrew: … so a part of the soul could make sense.

Eric: See, and to that extent, I always assumed conversations with past headmasters would be unfulfilling. There’s that moment in Cursed Child where Harry has this meaningful moment with Dumbledore’s portrait; I’m like, “That would never happen because it’s only surface-level Dumbledore.” Any portrait is a poor recreation of the real thing. I think that might be a quote from somewhere too.

Micah: It’s only the information that that person has imparted upon the portrait, right? And clearly they can do other things. Certain portraits can run within frames; we see that happen.

Andrew: Watch out for enemies.

Micah: Yeah, but I think Dumbledore’s portrait only knew in so much as he was willing to provide Harry with, right? Because at the end of Half-Blood Prince, the portrait is asleep, right? The portrait doesn’t even interact with Harry at all; it’s not till Deathly Hallows that we see that happen. So I don’t know. But I do think it’s an interesting thing to think about.

Andrew: I like it. I like the parallels that Brenna was drawing. All right, this next voicemail comes from Catie, about Rita Skeeter.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hi, this is Catie from San Diego, and I just wanted to comment on Episode 648, the interview with Rita Skeeter in the broom closet. Y’all already touched on the fact that this was not appropriate at all, but I also wanted to highlight the fact that even though Harry is a champion, he was still an underage wizard, so there should have been a chaperone of some sort with him in that interview in the broom closet, whether it was McGonagall or Dumbledore who was taking charge of him in that moment. One of them should have been there; it should not have been up to the Dursleys, because when you’re at a school, the people at the school take charge of you and your safety while you’re there, which also brings up an entire argument about the Hogsmeade situation. However, in this sense, where it was with an interviewer, it should have been a situation where someone was with Harry in that moment, and I think the fact that he was by himself and able to be pulled into there just shows how dirty Rita Skeeter was as an author and as a journalist, and how kind of sleazy she was, and also just how the ball was dropped in terms of keeping Harry safe after his name was pulled out of the Goblet of Fire. I mean, he was not really safe through the rest of the tournament, but I think in this sense, his mental health and wellbeing was really put at risk, and it just really shows how nasty Rita Skeeter was to approach a minor in that sense. I also just wanted to say, loved Pam on the episode. Thank you guys so much for what you do, and have a great day.”

[Voicemail ends]

Andrew: Thanks, Catie, and we’ll pass along the nice words to Pam. Harry needed a publicist with him during that interview!

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: McGonagall or Albus could have played publicist; I think that would have solved a lot of issues. And like I said on that episode, by not having anybody else in that room, in that space – calling it a room is generous – Rita could report anything she wanted and then it’s her word against Harry’s. All right, this next voicemail is from Katie about the three tasks.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hey, MuggleCast. It’s Katie from California. I just wanted to have a comment about the most recent episode for Chapter by Chapter. I think the predictions that Harry and Ron make during their Divination homework is what Harry does in the three tasks of the Triwizard Tournament. The first one he makes is get some burns; he gets some burns in the dragon task. The second one is he loses a possession; in the second task, he loses a possession that he must find. And in the third one, he comes off worse in a fight; Voldemort comes back in the third task, and Harry loses that battle but gets home back to Hogwarts safely.”

[Voicemail ends]

Andrew: That’s really cool.

Eric: That’s awesome.

Micah: I know we did some analysis of that homework, right, of those predictions when we were reading through, but I don’t think we connected the threads fully the way that Katie did here, and it’s really cool the way she did it.

Eric: That is.

Andrew: Yeah. All right, next one comes from Maddie about Viktor Krum.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hi, my name is Maddie from Idaho, USA. Okay, I’ve always wondered this about Viktor Krum. He’s supposed to be 17, right? Because that’s how old you’re going to be in the Goblet of Fire to do that thing, and he is this professional Quidditch player. So I wonder two things: one, is he a little young to be a professional Quidditch player? Does that not matter in the wizarding world, how old he is, if he hasn’t finished school yet? And then two, if he is and they’re like, “Oh, yeah, he can be 17 and be a professional Quidditch player,” then why is he still going to school? What does he need to learn? If that’s his career, could he homeschool or do some other kind of… get a personal trainer to teach him the magic he still needs? Why does he still have to go to school at a boarding…? All these wizarding schools are boarding schools; why does he have to go away for so long to school? Shouldn’t he be training for Quidditch, if that’s the thing? I don’t know. I don’t get how he is in both of those things. How is he essentially a high school student, but also a professional Quidditch player, and they haven’t made him pick one or another or given him a way to do both while training for Quidditch all year long? Anyway, that has always confused me, so I hope you guys touch on it. Thanks, bye.”

[Voicemail ends]

Eric: Micah, it’s a sports question.

Micah: [laughs] So it’s mine, is that what you’re saying? I will say, I do think there’s something to be said for playing for your national team, and that’s what I saw this as, right? So we know Quidditch in the sense that there’s all these different teams throughout the UK; we hear about them throughout the course of the Harry Potter series, but presumably, there’s also… and it’s mentioned, I think, during one of the conversations at the Burrow; there’s actually a team for England, there’s a team for Ireland, there’s a team for Scotland, and so presumably, Viktor is good enough – even if he plays at Durmstrang – to play for the Bulgarian national Quidditch team regardless of how old he is, and that’s what I think this is an example of.

Andrew: I think he’s also an overachiever. Maybe it’s a little backup plan, like, “Oh, if Quidditch doesn’t work out, I can go and be an Auror,” or “If I’m not going to be an Auror, I can be a Quidditch player.” It it interesting that at 18/17 he is on a major Quidditch team and able to compete in the Cup.

Micah: But wouldn’t you equate that…? And I see Lydia doing it the Discord; you could compare that to the Olympics. That’s what the Quidditch World Cup essentially is, and you have athletes of all sorts of ages that compete in the Olympics, so…

Andrew: And he’s doing all kinds of training, you would think, for the Quidditch World Cup, and then he has to go and do the Triwizard Tournament?

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: You’re right.

Andrew: What a year for him.

Eric: It’s a big year for Viktor. Yeah, for sure. We do have on Ron’s authority that he is only just 18 or something, so he’s actually 18…

Andrew: [laughs] Or something.

Eric: Well, we know he’s at least 17 because you have to be – unless you’re Harry – to get into the Triwizard Tournament. But yeah, he’s said to be 18 in the Quidditch World Cup chapter. I just think that the reason he has to still go in school is because academics are important. How often do you hear athletes still have to cram for a test because if they fail it, they’re off the team? I feel like it’s very important to keep his education up.

Andrew: Maybe this is why Hermione had a crush on him. It was like, “Oh my gosh, he’s a Quidditch star and he still prioritizes his schoolwork? Dream man.”

Micah: What a dream.

Eric: Yes, smart people are sexy.

Andrew: Yes!

Micah: Speaking of sexy, let’s talk about Voldemort. [laughs]

Andrew: Okay, final voicemail from Nikki.

[Voicemail plays]

“Hi MuggleCast, this is Nikki. I was listening to your podcast about the Quidditch World Cup, and I had a thought: What do you think Voldemort would do if he encountered a Veela?”

[Voicemail ends]

Micah: Is this pre- or post-Bellatrix?

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: I think that Veela inspires lust, and I think Voldemort is capable of having that – not of having love, obviously; that’s his book-stated failing. So I think that a Veela would turn his head just as she would anybody else’s.

Andrew: But then he’d be like, [imitating Voldemort] “I need to resist! I must resist all this sexiness. I’ve got business to take care of.”

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Maybe?

Eric: It turns out your Voldemort impression is as good as your Dumbledore. We don’t hear it as often.

Andrew: [laughs] It’s just inspired by, [imitating Voldemort’s cries] “Nyeh! Avada Kedavra!”

Micah: Ralph Fiennes has nothing on you, let’s just say that.

Andrew: [laughs]Avada DeVeela!”

Micah: I just don’t think Veela would have any effect on Voldemort. Lust, love…

Andrew: He seems above it. [laughs]

Micah: Yeah, his focus is on other things.

Eric: Well, he seems, except the plot of Cursed Child tells us that he’s not above human connection.

Andrew: You’re right. You’re right. You’re right, but we’re not considering that canon, are we? [laughs]

Micah: Right. I’m not.

Eric: It really depends.

Micah: Well, thank you, Nikki.

Eric: Thank you.

Andrew: And thank you to everybody who calls in with voicemails. We love when y’all call in. If you want to, you can call our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE, or you can use the Voice Memo app on your phone. We do prefer the latter since it’s higher quality, and just please keep your message around 60 seconds long so we can fit in as many voicemails and emails as possible. So with that, we’ll move over to some emails, but first we’re going to take a quick break and check in on Voldemort. We’ll be right back.

[Ad break]


Muggle Mail: Emails


Micah: All right, so our first email comes from Old Lady Nerd…

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: … and she’s talking about Rita Skeeter. She says,

“Ahoy, y’all! I’m surprised no one has mentioned that ‘skeeter’ is a slang term for a mosquito, a blood-sucking parasite. A very apt description of Rita, I think!”

Andrew: Blood-sucking. I’m also thinking about the sucking of the pen; maybe there’s something there, because we still don’t really know what’s going on there.

Eric: Ohh.

Micah: Now, in fairness, is “skeeter” British slang? Because I don’t think it’s really American slang, from what I can tell. At least not here the Northeast.

Eric: Well, I pictured, like, Louisiana. Like, “Ooh, a skeeter” kind of thing. It doesn’t need to be British, specifically, for it to work.

Micah: I think of Skeeter from Doug.

Andrew: I think of Skeeter from Nick Jr. Cousin Skeeter.

Micah: Yeah.

Eric: All different Skeeters!

[Andrew and Eric laugh]

Micah: We’re connecting the threads.

Eric: Anyway, I think we got schooled by Old Lady Nerd. I think that’s fantastic. I think it has to be intentional.

Micah: It’s really good.

Andrew: Yeah, and we’ll keep that in mind as we continue reading. Thank you, Old Lady Nerd.

Eric: Next email comes from Peggy Ann, also about Rita Skeeter, this time her description.

“Ahoy, y’all! I’m hoping you can discuss the descriptors the author uses for female characters, specifically Rita Skeeter. You’ve previously discussed the way Fleur and Maxime have been described, but this time for my recent reread of Chapter 18 ‘The Weighing of the Wands,’ I was irked by the way Rita is described. I don’t know if it’s from looking at these books with a 2024 lens, or because of how horrific the author is to the trans community on a daily basis on Twitter.”

Eric: It’s that.

“Rita’s hands in this chapter are characterized as ‘large, mannish hands.’ Additionally, when you look at Jim Kay’s drawing of Rita, it is far from the image I had in my head even before seeing Miranda Richardson’s portrayal in 2005. Jim Kay’s representation of Rita is a woman who is, let’s say, not a looker. I don’t know if the author was just trying to portray Rita as an ugly woman or saying she’s more man than woman or what. As I mentioned, Kay’s drawing is definitely not what I had in mind when imagining the character. I love what Miranda Richardson, the costumers, and hair/makeup team brought to the character in the Goblet of Fire film and it is something along those lines to what I always imagined for Rita Skeeter. Interested in hearing your thoughts and continuing the discussion of how female characters are described/portrayed by the author in this series.”

Eric: Thank you, Peggy Ann.

Andrew: Yeah, so I’m looking at Jim Kay’s illustration right now of Rita Skeeter, and I don’t know. It’s giving sleazy gossip journalist to me. Now, as for the manly hands, it could be symbolizing her taking control?

Eric: I think that even before the author was bigoted against trans people, there was a lot of disdain for journalists and… or not journalists; journalist is actually a compliment, but Rita Skeeter, we’ve seen, is not that. Rita Skeeter the mosquito is actually a parasite, and she’s viewed as such, and so any attribute that can be thrown against Rita, even that her hands aren’t feminine, is really meant to illustrate how blood-sucking and inhuman she is viewed, or meant to be viewed, I think, even in the story, and her actions back it up.

Micah: Yeah, I agree with that, and I think comparing it to Miranda Richardson’s portrayal, Rita Skeeter has more of a sex appeal to her in the films. I think that’s really fair to say because there’s even that moment where the quill brushes its end up against Krum’s face…

Andrew: Oh, yeah.

Micah: … and so the way that she’s portrayed in the movies is much different than how she’s described in the books. And I know that on the all girls episode that was done several months ago, they dove deep into a lot of these characters and how J.K. Rowling portrays women specifically in the Harry Potter series, and this would be another example of that.

Eric: Yeah, for sure. And I’d say, too, about the difference between the movie… I think the movie and Miranda Richardson’s version is a little bit more believable at somebody who gets to the level that she gets to, in being the only journalist in the wizarding world, the only person who’s able to…

Micah: Right, using her looks. Is that what you were going to say?

Eric: Yeah, yeah, as an explanation. And in the books without that, because she’s described in many ways as unattractive, she just then has to be cutthroat, just very, very, very brutal. Nobody would otherwise take a second look, but because of her horrible reputation that she’s built up, you know when she’s in the room, you have to pay attention, so it’s a much different way of explaining how that character got to where they are.

Andrew: The layer of sex appeal in the movies, interesting. I’m glad they added that layer, but I don’t think we should put too much stock in this adaptation of the character, because it is the movies. They took a lot of liberties when it came to casting and the hair and what people were wearing for all of the characters, so when the point is brought up about the movies, I just can’t put too much stock into it because that’s not canon itself. That was a Hollywood decision, who to cast and how to make her look.

Eric: Well, I think Hollywood realized they missed an opportunity in the characterization of Rita Skeeter in the books.

Andrew: Well, I’ll bet you anything with the TV show they’re going to do the same thing they did with the movie: make it a sexy lady who uses her sex appeal to get an interview.

Eric: There you go.

Micah: All right, so our next email comes from Andrea, on what was the name of Harry’s school? Really good question. She says,

“Ahoy, y’all! After listening to your chapter discussion about the chapter ‘The Goblet of Fire,’ I just wanted to add something that struck me while listening. On the night when Dumbledore explains about the Triwizard Tournament, he asks the students (quote): ‘Anybody wishing to submit themselves as champion must write their names and school upon a slip of parchment.’ When the Goblet gives us the names of the champions, it uses these slips of parchment. Quote 12 pages later, ‘The champion for Durmstrang,’ he read in a strong clear voice, ‘will be Viktor Krum.’ So Dumbledore would have seen under what school Harry’s name was put into the Goblet. What are your thoughts on that? I hope you’re all doing well and want to thank you for being my Harry Potter friends. I love listening to you, laughing along, and more often than not commenting on what you say. Keep up the fantastic work. Greetings from Germany.”

Andrew: Hey, I’m half-German. So, Ilvermorny. The answer is Ilvermorny.

Eric: Could be or Mahoutokoro or any of the others. But I’ll add that Barty Crouch, Jr. disguised as Mad-Eye Fakey actually straight up says that the culprit must have put in a fourth school, so there’s definitely the question…

Andrew: Because the Goblet is only picking one name per school.

Eric: Absolutely. So there’s your confirmation; Dumbledore did see a school, and it has not been mentioned.

Andrew: All right, next email comes from Denise on why didn’t Dumbledore use a tracing spell?

“My name is Denise and I’m from Brazil. I love your podcast. Thank you for your work.”

Andrew: Thank you, Denise.

“Now, I was listening to the episode ‘Professor DUMB-ledore,’ and had an idea. I know that from a creative point of view, the spell that Newt uses to find Tina in Crimes of Grindelwald (the one that is yellowish and shows Tina’s footprint and Yusuf Kama close to her) was created after the Harry Potter series. But can you imagine how the events would have turned out if Dumbledore had used that spell to know who was present in the vicinity the night before the Goblet gave the names of the champions? I guess Moody would have been exposed much sooner. Thank you.”

Andrew: Yeah, probably!

Micah: I really like this.

Eric: Yep.

Andrew: I do too, in part because we were sharing a few different ideas of how this could have been locked down better. Somebody simply watching the Goblet, taking turns, having security people on top of it, security guards on top of it, some wizard camera, or the tracing spell.

Micah: Or handwriting analysis.

Andrew: Fingerprint analysis.

Micah: “Mad-Eye, this handwriting looks very similar to yours, does it not?” [laughs] “I’ve seen this before, Alastor.”

Andrew: [laughs] Well, any good criminal would just use their other hand than their writing hand.

Micah: The next email, also related to Mad-Eye. This is from Maisie, and she wants to know about the Marauder’s Map. She says,

“Ahoy, y’all! I’ve just listened to Goblet of Fire Chapter 15 and thought, could Harry not see Mad-Eye Fakey on the Marauder’s Map? I don’t know if this has come up before; it probably has, but it just came to mind while listening to this episode. Thank you! I love the podcast. Keep up the good work.”

Micah: It’s good question.

Andrew: Are we talking about just Barty Crouch, Jr. on the Marauder’s Map?

Micah: Yeah, I think that’s what she’s saying. I don’t think she’s saying, “Why does it not say Mad-Eye Fakey?” I think she’s saying, “Does it say Barty Crouch, Jr.?” Because in fairness, when Peter Pettigrew was running around as Scabbers, it showed him on the map.

Eric: Well, it does, but it doesn’t say “Jr.” It says “Bartemius Crouch.”

Micah: Ohh.

Eric: And it’s actually a plot point later in the book during “The Egg and the Eye” that Harry… so first of all, for the first half of the book, Harry doesn’t have his Marauder’s Map. It’s a plot hole, because if somebody gives it to him back, or it’s in his trunk, or he’s not using it at all, so that accounts for why Harry isn’t suspecting anything now, like where Crouch, Sr. isn’t supposed to be. But later in the book, he goes to pull it out expecting to see Snape and it’s actually Bartemius Crouch, so then they begin to suspect Barty Crouch, Sr.

Andrew: When he’s in Snape’s office, according to SnailSong. When Harry, I guess, is in…?

Micah: What good is this map, then?

Andrew: [laughs] Well, maybe he’s not consulting it too much.

Eric: If you don’t use it…

Andrew: Right, yeah. But I would probably be obsessed with it. Like we’ve said before, it’s like having all your friends on the Snapchat map or the Find My app on iPhone.

Eric: You can also imagine it gets congested all the time. Even if he’s on there, you’re not necessarily going to see him. It’s like trying to find Waldo.

Andrew: Yeah, imagine how many people are on there. Maybe you can filter by professors, imposters, students, Quidditch players, animals…

Micah: Manipulators.

Eric: Next email comes from Matthew about the Triwizard Tournament’s secrecy. Matthew says,

“If they kept the Triwizard Tournament secret, did they also keep it a secret for the other schools? Did Durmstrang and Beauxbatons parents get a letter? ‘Hey, your kid is going to be away for a while.'”

Andrew: [laughs] And in something quite dangerous, potentially.

Eric: Well, yeah, and also, when did the tryouts happen for…? The top 20 students at each school were selected somehow, so did they need permission forms? And was there a competition to see who gets to enter the competition?

Andrew: I guess it would be considered an exciting extended field trip, so I could see parents being in favor of their kid being away for a while. It’d be like… what’s that called when you go abroad for a semester? Foreign exchange.

Eric and Micah: Study abroad.

Andrew: Study abroad, foreign exchange student, that type of thing.

Eric: Yeah, no, absolutely. I agree with that. But to Matthew’s point, the question of notice is a good one. How much in advance would anybody have had that? So is it really just the kids of Britain, the Hogwarts students that are the host school, that the adult wizards are all able to keep the secret from? Because there’s many more of them than there are of everyone else. So I do like to believe, actually, that it was announced or it was a matter of honor. Remember, too, Draco flaunts that he knows it. A lot of other people know – except the Hogwarts group that we know – about what’s going on.

Micah: The only thing that I can think of, though, is did they communicate the severity, the circumstances under which these students were traveling? Extending off of what you were saying, Eric, right, you have these 20 students that are being chosen from each school. Did they also say, “By the way, your kid can enter a competition and die”?

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Eric: Okay, here’s… I’m going to pay a compliment to the Goblet of Fire movie, and this happens once in like, every ten years, okay? The Goblet of Fire movie, Dumbledore’s line “eternal glory,” that is not in the books, and it dramatically summarizes how you would get the buy-in from parents, or students, in this case, telling the parents that they have a chance for their child to represent their country and also wizards everywhere. If they win that eternal glory at the end of the maze of the third task, that’s going to give… every parent would be proud, especially if they’re like Cedric’s dad. “Oh, you can do it, my boy.” He’s very child-forward; their child is their world, but they want their kid to have that glory because they want to live vicariously through them, so I think there would be plenty of jocks whose parents would absolutely want them in this competition.

Andrew: All right, let’s keep moving along here. This next one is from Lucy on how the first three books mirror the three Triwizard tasks.

Eric: Ooh.

Andrew: Another theory about the Triwizard tasks.

“My name is Lucy and I’m a huge Harry Potter fan. I’ve read the books over 60 times since I fell in love with the series five years ago. The reason that I am emailing you is to tell you about this theory that I thought of. I believe that the first three Harry Potter books foreshadow each task in the fourth book. In the first book, Harry is introduced to dragons when Hagrid adopts one illegally, and in the first task of the Triwizard Tournament, he has to go against a dragon. In the second book, Harry meets Moaning Myrtle, who helps Harry figure out the second task. She also mentions that she occasionally gets flushed out into the lake when someone uses the bathroom, and that is where the second task happens. In the third book, we are introduced to Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin. Peter was the one who killed Cedric Diggory in the graveyard, and Lupin taught Harry how to produce a Patronus and his class about Boggarts. If Harry hadn’t learned this in his third year, then he wouldn’t have survived the third task. I just randomly thought this theory up a few weeks ago, and I thought you would enjoy hearing it. Love ya, Lucy.”

Andrew: Thank you, Lucy, and that’s great. That’s beautiful. It’s all led to this.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: Yeah, I love the connecting of the threads. It’s very well done. Our next email is from Henni on the teaching degrees in the wizarding world, and they say,

“Ahoy, y’all! I hope you are well. I am listening to Episode 643 and started to think about teaching degrees in the wizarding world. We know that teaching isn’t an easy job that anyone can do, especially without formal education. Do we think the wizarding world has a degree/diploma one has to get before starting to teach at Hogwarts or any other school? Based on the books and some of the teachers we know – Hagrid, Trelawney – I would say no, but what do you think?”

[Andrew laughs]

“Love the pod. Stay healthy. All the best, Henni, your friendly Finnish witch.”

Andrew: Well, to your point, Henni, things at Hogwarts are a little loosey-goosey, and while a degree would put you ahead of the competition, it’s not required.

Eric: Yes, we do not know much of anything about continuing education of any sort in the wizarding world. Even if you learn a trade, there’s not a formal process about it. The only thing I think we ever hear about ever at all is Auror training, which seems to be a bit more like studying additional potions, additional defense, and that kind of a thing. But so for teaching, who’s teaching these classes? Who’s teaching these other Aurors? I think it is very much that the teachers at Hogwarts don’t have teaching degrees; they are just proclaimed experts of their field, either by their peers, or they have experience in their field enough to say, “Yeah, I can do, so I can teach.”

Andrew: I can do so I can teach. [laughs]

Eric: Yeah, it’s probably like how teachers… I mean, I know they had universities in the 1800s, but I very much think of it as like you’re in the wild west and a guy comes to town and he says he knows medicine, and it’s like, “Oh, great, we need a doctor. You’re the doctor,” and the next day you’re doing surgery or fixing cholera or whatever. It’s a big deal.

Micah: Right. And I’m just thinking about how much a position like Defense Against the Dark Arts turns over, the likelihood that you’re going to have somebody with a degree or a diploma to fulfill that role. I think there’s certain criteria certainly, that you need certain achievements maybe within the wizarding world that would qualify you for certain positions. That said, I think that Henni brings up a really good point with Hagrid. Hagrid, aside from being a lover of all beasts, has zero qualifications to teach students. [laughs]

Andrew: Yeah, I hope that once they are hired for the job, over the summer in advance of starting this job they get some training at school; how to deal with students, how the school runs, take a couple of meetings with Dumbledore or whoever the headmaster is… I hope there’s some training even after they’re hired to get them up to speed, at least a little bit.

Micah: I would hope that at least there’s NEWT-level credentials for most of these positions. I’m thinking of your Snapes, your McGonagalls, your Sprouts, your Flitwicks… they seem like they have pretty legit credentials to do the work that they do.

Eric: We do have a real time correction, which I love. I love, love, love.

Micah: Okay.

Eric: We do hear about another profession that does have some schooling, and it’s a residency at St. Mungo’s. You can be a trainee healer, and that is from JigglyJane, as well as Magizoology 101 that says you can be a trainee healer. So there are some medical professions at Mungo’s that do require additional training, residency schooling, same thing.

Micah: So basically that just reaffirms that Hogwarts is a free-for-all.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Well, the school itself will teach you… we don’t necessarily see a nursing class of sixth and seven years studying under Madam Pomfrey, but that’s not to say it didn’t happen. This next email is pretty interesting because it may offer a retort to the Rita Skeeter stuff we were talking about earlier. Ashley sends in,

“Ahoy, y’all! With the Chapter by Chapter right now focusing on Goblet of Fire and soon Order of the Phoenix again, I’d like to point out something when it comes to the themes in those books. There are many discussions with these two books about media, publishing, and lack of trust in the government. I think a small but significant thing to keep in mind when looking at those themes is that there are less than three years between the death of Princess Diana and Goblet of Fire being published. This means that the book was written in the heat of theories regarding the royal family’s involvement and the ramifications of tabloid stories in the UK and globally. I’d love to hear your thoughts.”

Andrew: That’s some important context, yeah.

Eric: This is incredibly important. Absolutely. The paparazzi and the role of tabloid media in the death of Princess Di and just their role in society, what are they for? It was a hot topic.

Andrew: And they remain in the headlines. Where are you, Kate Middleton? Where are you? I’ve been following all of that. I’m fascinated.

Eric: Now it’s cool investigative individuals on X that are really figuring it out and cracking it.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: But yes, this was an amazing point, so thank you for sending it in, Ashley. And the next one comes from Abby, who says,

“I have had this thought for a while, but I thought this would be a perfect time to tell you. You have talked about how bad the Goblet of Fire is at its job, and that the Sorting Hat has nothing to do for most of the year. Well, I can kill two birds with one stone! Fire the Goblet of Fire and let the Sorting Hat take over! It will remove the chances of someone cheating the Goblet, because the Sorting Hat knows everyone and knows their ages and handwriting. He is also sentient, so no one could find a loophole in the system. It will also give the Sorting Hat something to prepare for in his off-time. He could make a song for the Triwizard Tournament, or maybe even help design the three trials. I really think that this is a good idea, and I want to know what you think about it.”

Andrew: I love it. I love it. I’m very concerned about what the Sorting Hat is doing in between Sorting ceremonies.

Micah: He needs a side hustle.

Andrew: Yeah, I think it’d be fun for him to come up with some trials too. He could think about the students that he studies and think about how to thread the needle in terms of designing the perfect tasks, so I’m all for this.

Micah: He would’ve done a much better job, much better job than the Goblet.

Andrew: I agree. Okay, next email comes from Angie on the domestication of house-elves. Angie said,

“Ahoy, y’all! I was listening to the conversation about house-elves and it made me think about (and go with me on this) the domestication of dogs. Some people say dogs were domesticated by people, but others say they domesticated themselves. There are some dogs who love to be with people, and some, like livestock guardians, who love to be outside with the flock working and protecting. What if house-elves domesticated themselves and enjoy working for wizards? Some wizards are terrible, just like there are terrible dog owners. But what if most wizards understand the nature of the elves and let them do their thing with the relationship like people have with their dogs? Not that the house-elves are dogs by any means, but just reframing the view of the argument.”

Andrew: Interesting, but I think the whole point about house-elves in the Harry Potter books is that they are enslaved; I mean, this is a lesson we are to take from this. So I like the different frame of mind, Angie, but ultimately, eh.

Micah: Yeah, and I think one of the key things to keep in mind here, too – we were just talking about a level of sentience with the Sorting Hat – house-elves are their own… they have a level of sentience themselves, right? Whereas dogs really don’t, so to make that comparison is a tough one.

Eric: It’s problematic, too, potentially. This is all fictional characters.

Micah: No, no, and to Andrew’s point, I do like the fact that Angie is trying to reimagine how we look at the situation, but I think it’s clear from even when Dobby explains to Harry in Chamber of Secrets, the history of house-elves… this wasn’t a choice that they made. They didn’t domesticate themselves; they were enslaved by wizards.

Eric: Your dog would never tell you “I want to be free” the way that Dobby would have had he been given the possibility. I mean, Andrew, how would you feel if Brooklyn was like, “I’m out of here”?

Andrew: [laughs] I’d say, “No! Bad dog!”

Eric: [laughs] So that’s why it’s slavery, because not every house-elf who feels the way Dobby does gets that choice.

Micah: Exactly. Next email is from Sarah, and also talking about house-elves, but specifically related to laundry. And she says,

“I was wondering if anyone had commented on your comments about the house-elves doing laundry. Y’all keep mentioning that they take care of cooking, cleaning, and laundry at Hogwarts, but how can they do the laundry? Wouldn’t that make them free? And in Book 5 or 6 when Hermione knits and leaves hats for the elves, she purposefully puts trash on top to trick them into picking it up. So that begs the question, who does the laundry in Hogwarts? Just something I keep thinking about each time it comes up.”

Micah:I still think they do the laundry. It’s different if somebody is giving them clothing to free them versus just “Here, do the wash.”

Eric: Yes.

Andrew: What’s the intention behind it? The intent to give them laundry is to make them work to clean it, not to wear it.

Eric: 1,000%. I think this would be my answer as well. There is a special magical deed in the gifting of clothing; that’s why it’s such a big… because owners give their house-elves their clothes all the time to wash, but it’s way different when it’s… and so it calls into question the loophole of Lucius freeing Dobby in the end, because he didn’t know he was giving it, but the intention was to free him all the same. I think that house-elves have a sixth sense about that, and so the house-elves that are offended by Hermione are able to sense what she’s doing and that’s why they avoid it. That’s why the Gryffindor dormitory doesn’t get cleaned for a long time, is because they can sense it and they’re repulsed by what she’s doing because they know that if they touch it, they won’t have a job anymore.

Micah: And Pax brings up a good point in the Discord, saying that there is kind of a gray area for how Dobby was freed because Lucius never had the intention of freeing Dobby by handing him that book, right?

Eric: That’s what I’m saying, yeah. That’s why that doesn’t work really anymore, but if Harry put the sock in the book with the intention that that sock sets Dobby free, then the sock is magi-fied with set-you-free energy, and then Lucius doesn’t think about it, passes it on…

Micah: Oh, okay.

Andrew: It’s almost like passing a key along.

Eric: But it still has to count because only Lucius could actually free Dobby, so Lucius did hand Dobby a sock that was charged with set-you-free energy, didn’t revoke the set-you-free energy when he did it… there it is; it’s explained.

Micah: I think the real answer, though, is that Hogwarts students… they don’t go to the bathroom, they don’t shower, they don’t change their clothes.

[Eric and Micah laugh]

Andrew: I do feel like there should be a spell to just clean your clothes. That seems like a simple one that could be dreamed up.

Eric: Yeah, especially if it’s only a day old or you only just wore it half the day, so here we go. But our next email is actually one of my favorite emails that we’ve ever gotten. It’s Angie.

“Ahoy, y’all! I was listening to your episode about Mad-Eye Fakey and your discussion how the other students and Hermione didn’t think about who made the food at Hogwarts. As a mom of young kids, I can 100% see how none of the kids noticed. Go with me: Besides being highly self-centered at this age (which is developmentally normal for kids this age to think they are the center of the universe and everyone will notice that pimple on their face), most kids don’t know what their parents/guardians do to make a house run and may not ever notice the extent of the work until they move out on their own. My kids see me cook regularly, but there are days when food ‘magically appears’ and they are genuinely surprised by how a plate of snacks shows up on the table. Usually they don’t ask me how I made or did anything. They know their sheets get changed, but almost assume it’s magic. My running joke is that as soon as they get taller than I am, I’m going to get a shirt that says ‘Dobby’ on it and wear it around the house.”

Andrew: I love that.

Eric: Listen, Angie, you’ve got to take time for yourself if you don’t already. This seems like a tough situation, and you’re doing a great thing which is raising children, but make sure that you’re giving yourself the time.

Micah: I’ll take some pizza rolls first, if that’s okay.

Eric: Oh, man! Micah!

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: That magically appear. That’d be a fun surprise.

Eric: Yeah, it’s hilarious. Thank you for sending that email.

Andrew: And this is the same Angie from two emails ago…

Micah: It is.

Andrew: … and I love how in both emails she used the phrase “Go with me.” [laughs] Don’t worry, Angie. You don’t have to try and hold our attention.

Micah: We’re with you.

Andrew: We’re with you always.

Micah: The next email is from Rebecca on Barty Crouch, Jr., and she says,

“Aloha(mora), MuggleCast! I’ve always thought that fake Moody was one of Harry’s better teachers. While he may have been harsh at times, he treated the students like adults and taught them about real-life spells and horrors in the wizarding world. He gave them the opportunity to practice defending themselves in a controlled environment. During my latest read-through the book, I got to thinking about why he was such a good teacher. Did he just get wrapped up in the acting? Or did he actually have a passion for teaching students and was teaching them things he wished he had learned? Barty Crouch, Jr. spent years suffering under his father’s Imperius Curse. Perhaps he had students practice overcoming the curse so that they don’t ever suffer like he did.”

Andrew: Ooh.

“We don’t know much about Barty Crouch, Jr.’s motivations for becoming a Death Eater. All we really see is a scared boy at a trial, crying for his parents. What if during the first war, he wasn’t even a real Death Eater? What if he was under the Imperius Curse when torturing Neville’s parents? Or maybe he just fell into the wrong crowd, but didn’t care much about Voldemort and his cause and wasn’t a very loyal Death Eater. Maybe he only became a powerful/loyal Death Eater after his father said, ‘You are no son of mine,’ as if to say to his father, ‘If this is who you think I am, this is what I’ll become.’ Would love to hear your thoughts on this. Rebecca.”

Andrew: This is an amazing theory. I love it. I don’t have any notes other than yes.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: Yeah, there’s so much about this that is so thoughtful, and the fact that he is teaching these kids the Imperius Curse so that they can protect themselves in the future from a fate that he himself suffered for a period of his life…

Andrew: And he could enjoy acting, and he could enjoy teaching too.

Micah: Well, yeah, I mean, he loves everything about this primarily because he’s sticking it to his father, right? That is clear. But in terms of his loyalty, though, I wonder a little bit about that, because clearly in Goblet of Fire, he is very loyal to Voldemort.

Eric: Yeah, but it is interesting to think about, too, he doesn’t seem like this mega Death Eater, Voldemort’s most loyal supporter, in the courtroom scene in the Pensieve. In the movie he does. In the movie it’s very clear, but in the book, he seems just like a teenager who got caught up in the action. So this idea that he might have been under the curse himself when he was younger is really interesting. And definitely, I think that Mad-Eye Fakey enjoys teaching period; I think that he is really relishing… there’s room for all of these multiple truths here, but I think that it’s pretty clear from our analysis already of the character that he loves to do what he’s doing, even if just what he’s doing is sticking it to Death Eaters or sticking it to dad. He loves doing it, for sure.

Andrew: All right, this next email comes from Darin on what Arthur did for Ludo.

“My name is Darin, a.k.a. JigglyJane…”

Andrew: … who just came up a few minutes ago…

“… and I’ve been a longtime listener of you all since Day 1!”

Andrew: Thank you, Darin.

Eric: Wow.

“I just want to chime in about the debate about why Ludo gave tickets to the World Cup to Arthur and the gang: In the book, when they are all sitting down to dinner the night before the World Cup, Arthur is speaking to Percy and he does mention that he did Ludo a favor, by helping his brother out with a lawnmower with ‘unnatural powers,’ and then he smoothed the whole thing over. Love you guys.”

Andrew: All right, well, my boat theory was…

Micah: There goes “Ahoy, y’all.”

Andrew: Yeah. Undo “Declare canon.”

Micah: It was fun while it lasted.

Andrew: It was. Thank you, Darin, for catching that.

Micah: All right, next email is from Jason, talking about the Killing Curse, and he says,

“G’day from Tasmania, Australia! I’ve been listening to MuggleCast constantly since around Episode 50 (I went back and listened to the first 50 as well) and would be one of your oldest listeners at 54 years young. Just listened to Episode 644. A couple of things jumped out. In the discussion on Avada Kedavra, Micah mentioned that every time you kill by using Avada Kedavra, it splits your soul. In Half-Blood Prince, Chapter 23, we found out from Slughorn’s memory that it splits the soul ‘by an act of evil – the supreme act of evil. By committing murder.’ So from that reading, it would seem if a wizard uses it in self-defense, or an Auror uses it in the line of duty, it wouldn’t split the soul. With the Imperius Curse, I thought back to the Veela in a previous chapter and wondered if they have a ‘built-in’ Imperius Curse, or even a variant Imperius Curse, which makes people do all the strange things they do? Would love to hear your thoughts.”

Andrew: Yeah, it makes sense to me in terms of the Slughorn line “by an act of evil, the supreme act of evil.” So the intent has to be evil?

Micah: It can’t be self-defense, is what we’re saying.

Eric: Well, I think that it’s hard to tell what is Slughorn’s own personal embellishment on this, but I think that a human killing a human is going to split the soul, even if in self-defense. I think that’s why there’s that argument; Dumbledore is like, “Your soul matters more than mine,” the purity of your soul, and then Snape is like, “Okay, screw my soul, then.” I think that no matter what, it’s going to split your soul, because that’s how we weigh humanity against the wild. We are the only sentient species.

Andrew: But Moody is an Auror, as Jason reminds us, too, and he has a free pass almost.

Eric: Well, yeah, that’s a good point.

Andrew: He has a license to use it, let’s say.

Eric: But there’s actually precious few times in which I think having a very split-up soul is going to come into play and affect you. If your soul is distant from yourself, that’s what made Voldemort so unhinged and less human as time went on, is he had actually separated his soul. Wasn’t the actual crack in it like a sprained ankle? But actually, the removal of and storage of his soul in different parts, I think, made him less human than if he just had killed a bunch of people and not done that.

Micah: Right. I liked what you said, Eric, about it’s more of a representation of Slughorn’s character in this moment. The way that he’s talking, it reveals more about him, the fact that he would reference it in this way. But I do think, at the end of the day, the Killing Curse is the Killing Curse, and it does rip the soul. Now, you could argue, is it equal when you kill a spider versus killing a human?

Eric: No.

Andrew: That’s where I’m getting tripped up here. What are we debating right now? Are we debating the spider specifically? Or are we debating it in general? Because the spider… I mean, he’s using the spider to teach a class. On the other hand… what is a supreme act of evil? Is it killing an innocent spider? Some would argue that.

Micah: Well, you could argue the casting of the spell itself is a supreme act of evil, regardless of what it’s being used on.

Andrew: And in what context? Like teaching?

Eric: I’d also like to believe that even though Aurors are the wizarding world’s version of police officers, in many, many, many countries across the world, police officers don’t commit murder.

Andrew: Or don’t have guns.

Eric: Or they’re taught to deescalate at all costs before resorting to that level of force, and so Moody’s own personal AK record might actually be pretty light, or lighter than we’re expecting when we think about cops and murder count.

Micah: But I guess, if we’re to think of it in this context, right, if you’re walking down the halls of Hogwarts and you step on a spider, does that rip the soul? [laughs]

Eric: No.

Micah: Or is it only by using…?

Andrew: No, but that’s an accident, potentially.

Micah: Well, is it?

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Micah: Not if you’re Ron; he’s going to do everything to kill it. It’s an interesting question. The second part of this, though, I feel like we’ve talked a little bit about it before. Eric, I think you made the reference to the Sirens and how in mythology, they’re very much comparable to the Veela in that the sounds that they make… it’s The Odyssey, right?

Eric: Yeah, it’s entrancing. And there’s a difference here between something that is naturally intoxicating – I don’t know if they use pheromones – or like things in nature that occur that take your agency away, like psychotropic drugs, versus a spell that’s doing it. So Incendio – or wow, Imperius Charm – that specifically is designed to take your agency away, make you do the will, make you follow the will of the caster, is not altogether that different than somebody with that natural ability like the Veela have, so I do agree there’s a connection. The next email comes from Ivan, who says,

“Hello, team! I’m slowly catching up with Chapter by Chapter, and I bring a little correction from the Christmas discussion on Book 2.”

Eric: So glad we got to this.

“Laura said that we didn’t know if Harry had even read Ron’s gift, ‘Flying with the Cannons,’ but we do! In Book 4 it is said that he reread it for the ‘tenth time.'”

Andrew: Aww.

Eric: And that comes up in Chapter 22. I love that! Harry loves his present from Ron.

Micah: All these emails tie back to Goblet of Fire in some way. [laughs]

Andrew: All the answers were right here in the middle book.

Eric: Very clever. Very smart.

Andrew: That’s why we’re rereading. And this is from Isabel, on common room/dorm rules: “Ahoy, y’all!” [laughs] I think we’ve got to update it now that we have a new Muggle Mail episode out. It’s time to come up with a new opening line.

Eric: Now that Ludo bagman is a lie.

Andrew: Yeah, right.

“Ahoy, y’all! Hogwarts Houses. It’s kind of sad that non-Housemates aren’t allowed in the common room or dorms, when you think about it. What if your best friend is in another House? Then there can’t ever be the magical equivalent of late night movie watching or hanging out in the dorm swapping secrets. Think of the Patil twins (from the books)!”

Andrew: Yeah, that’s a good point. I mean, Hogwarts is very large, so there’s plenty of places to hang out, but there is something cozy and secluded and private about the common room where a hangout could be good.

Micah: I like to think that it’s course corrected after the series was written that there could be some level of inter-House mingling that went on. Maybe if you’re a prefect, you could go into the other common rooms. I don’t know. It does seem kind of silly.

Andrew: Well, actually, I don’t know. I don’t see a reason for it to be course corrected post-series.

Micah: I mean, you can’t do it in Hogwarts Legacy, right?

Andrew: Well, it’s a crowd control thing, to me.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: I mean, you’ve got to have somewhere you can escape the other students, right? [laughs] But Court said, “Maybe there’s a common common room.” Ooh.

Micah: There’s a Prefects’ bathroom, and presumably…

Andrew: [laughs] Hang out in the Great Hall, I guess. I just… again, there’s so many places in Hogwarts to hang out that I guess that’s their answer, if you want to hang out with other House people.

Micah: Well, Andrew, I feel like we’ve saved the best email for last. This was literally my favorite email of the entire bunch.

Andrew: Wow, okay. So this is from Jake: “Ahoy, y’all!”

Micah: [laughs] Of course.

“Loving Chapter by Chapter. I was just wondering if maybe Percy purposely went along with or maybe even originally introduced himself to Crouch as Weatherby to hide his association with Arthur. His embarrassment then also comes from his family potentially finding this out.”

Andrew: Okay, I like that.

Micah: Yeah, I mean, this is something I don’t think we’ve ever considered, but it’s in Percy’s character to do this. We know how he thinks about his father, and how his father is perceived at the Ministry, and by allowing these names to go on, he’s not associated with the Weasley family.

Andrew: Which he later tries to do further. [laughs]

Micah: Right.

Andrew: Disassociate. Yeah, that’s a really good theory. I still stand by what I had suggested a few episodes ago, which is that he didn’t have the guts to correct him either. He is like, “Yes, sir. Yes, sir. You’re amazing, sir. You’re perfect, sir. Anything you say, sir.” So there’s that to consider. But it’s also very convenient that he also gets to… it works out for him, I should say, that he gets to disassociate from his family. And to his credit, he gets to build a reputation on his own work, his own time, at the Ministry, instead of riding on his father’s coattails, even though those coattails aren’t that great to ride on.

Micah: It would be interesting to see if he’s consistently called Weatherby throughout, because in Half-Blood Prince, Slughorn bungles Ron’s name a million times in a million different ways, but I feel like for Barty Crouch, Sr., he’s consistent with what he calls him, so that would lend itself to this theory that Percy isn’t doing anything to tell Barty Crouch, Sr. otherwise, and maybe it’s because he’s like, “I don’t want to be associated with my father.” He’s constantly…

Eric: It’s brutal to consider. I love the idea that Percy is so unimportant versus how important Percy thinks he is that it’s our more standard understanding of it, which is like, this guy’s not giving Percy the time of day and he’s trying to look great. But if you remember Umbridge’s backstory back from reading Book 5, Umbridge’s backstory on Pottermore is given that she tried to disassociate herself from her father as well, who also worked at the Ministry. And so in this case, it would be a connection between Percy and Umbridge, and they’re both very ambitious characters, so I can see it.

Micah: And they’re on the same page for most of Order of the Phoenix.

[Eric laughs]

Micah: All right, well, that wraps up the Muggle Mailbag. We do have one Chicken Soup for the MuggleCast Soul.

Andrew: Bring us home, Micah. Bring us home.

Micah: It is from Heather, who says,

“Hey guys! I first listened to MuggleCast waaaay back when it first came out in 2005 when I was a senior in high school. I’d listen to the episodes on my long bus rides to and from school. While my relationship to Harry Potter has had its ups and downs since then, I’ve recently found my way back to the comfort and nostalgia of the wizarding world. One of the first things I did was look up MuggleCast and was pleasantly surprised to find that not only are you all still going strong, but your discussions are as interesting as ever. I’ve been listening to the Chapter by Chapter episodes, and it really feels like not a day has passed. It’s like catching up with old friends.”

Micah: Thank you, Heather.

Andrew: Aww. Thank you, Heather. What an appropriate email for our 650th episode, as well. And I agree. I mean, one of the joys that we get from doing the show these days is our discussions on the series and the character motivations and the themes, and all these things have evolved so much as adults – proud, adult readers of the Harry Potter series, Miriam Margolyes…

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: … and I’m very glad that you feel that way, and I think other listeners do as well. There’s so much to discuss. Even today, I get comments from people: “What do you talk about these days?” I’m like, “We can easily do 90 minutes on Harry Potter every week!”

Micah: What don’t we talk about?

Eric: Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

Andrew: Try us. [laughs]

Micah: We just did.

Andrew: Yeah, we just did. We could go for another 45 minutes tonight easily.

Micah: Easily.

Andrew: And we’re going to, because we’re going to record a bonus MuggleCast. [laughs] Well, thank you, Heather, and thanks to everybody who wrote in. Whether or not we read your email on air, we really, really appreciate that you take the time to send in the voicemails, the emails; we do read and listen to everything that is submitted. If you have any feedback about today’s episode or other Chapter by Chapter installments, you can email or send a voice memo to MuggleCast@gmail.com, or you can use our phone number, which is 1-920-3-MUGGLE. That’s 1-920-368-4453. If you’re calling us, please keep your message around 60 seconds so we can try to get to as many voicemails as possible. And next week, back to Chapter by Chapter; we’ll be discussing Goblet of Fire Chapter 20, “The First Task.”


Quizzitch


Andrew: And now it’s time for our weekly trivia game, Quizzitch!

[Quizzitch music plays]

Eric: Last week’s question: What class does Cedric Diggory have next when Harry catches up with him to tell him about the dragons? And the correct answer was Charms class. Correct answers were submitted by a Little Winky Drinky; Amanda; BangEndedScoot18; Becca; Buff Daddy; Draco’s Etsy badge shop; Elizabeth K.; Evil Ringo; Fakey Dakey Makey No Mistakey…

[Micah laughs]

Eric: … Fred and George’s overall mental stability; Harry’s cruel summers; I just got my PhD and wanted to share with you all…

Micah: Oh, congrats.

Eric: … JigglyJane; Katie from Hufflepuff; LC; Megwich; Merlin’s most baggy fronts; Morgue97; My Accio brings all the brooms to the yard… that’s hilarious.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Andrew: That is true.

Eric: That’s maybe my favorite.

Micah: That’s what’s happening in the next chapter.

Eric: Yeah. We had a couple of other really long-titled ones; I’m going to try and get through them. The ink spitting all over a guide to Advanced Transfiguration; The marshmallows Harry’s legs are made out of; the Pillsbury Doughboy who is feeling very offended at being compared to Dumbledore because he thinks his laugh is perfect and he perfects it for hours for his commercials, I mostly just wanted to hear you say that.

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: Well, you got your wish.

Eric: Okay, there you go. We love Cedric, he is so sympathetic, but if he dies again, it is probably genetic.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Okay, and two more: Winky by the fire with the butterbeer – okay – and You’re a Quizzard, Harry.

Andrew: Love it. Love it, love it, love it all.

Eric: So congratulations. That was a big 650 edition of Quizzitch. Here is next week’s question: What is the first bit of Professor Moody’s advice to Harry about the first task? That happens next chapter, to celebrate us getting back to Chapter by Chapter. Submit your answer to us on the Quizzitch form, MuggleCast.com/Quizzitch, or go to the MuggleCast website and click on “Quizzitch” from the main nav.

Andrew: To celebrate this milestone episode of MuggleCast, we recommend hitting up MuggleMillennial.etsy.com – we’ll have a link in the show notes as well – where you can buy many cool MuggleCast items that we’ve given away over the years, and we have extras and we want to get them into the hands of listeners. And we’re also using it as an opportunity for you all to support the show if you can, so hit up MuggleMillennial.etsy.com. We have signed album art; we’ve got our Cozy Comfy Combo Pack, which is the MuggleCast beanie and the socks at one reduced price; we have wooden cars; we have T-shirts; and other items. Again, that’s MuggleMillennial.etsy.com. You can go to MuggleCast.com for transcripts, social media links, our full episode archive, our favorite episodes, and to contact us. And if you enjoy the show and think your other Harry Potter friends would, too, tell those friends about the show, and we’d also appreciate if you left us a review in your favorite podcast app. And this show is brought to you by Muggles like you. We don’t have any fancy corporate or network funding; it’s just us doing our best to put on this show week to week. We are proudly an independent podcast, and we always want to keep it that way. So not only can you go to our Etsy shop to support us that way, but if you’re an Apple Podcasts user, you can tap into the show and hit that subscribe button, and that’s going to get you two bonus MuggleCast installments every month, plus ad-free and early access to MuggleCast. And then there’s Patreon.com/MuggleCast; you get all the benefits that I just mentioned, plus livestreams, planning docs, the chance to co-host the show one day, a new physical gift every year, and more. So check it all out. Patreon.com/MuggleCast. That does it for the 650th time. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I’m Andrew.

Eric: Thank you, everyone. I’m Eric.

Micah: And I’m Micah. Thank you.

Andrew: And ahoy. Goodbye!